This is the last regular PPV for TNA until March and I’m not wild on the card in the first place.  Let’s get to it.We’ll start with the title matches.

 

Hardy will keep the title.  It looks like we’re heading for Aries vs. Hardy at Lockdown so Hardy would need to keep the belt here.  There’s a chance Aries wins here but I don’t see it happening.

 

We’ll say the tag titles change and leave it at that.  Thinking of these teams more than that makes my head hurt.

 

As for the X Title, I can picture King winning the belt but not York.  Therefore, the question is who wins the match between the two of them to qualify for the title match?  I’ll go with King but I don’t have much confidence in it.

 

Doc is in Aces and 8’s so he loses.

 

I’ll go with Storm to win my hopeful pick of the month.  Storm needs a big win as his push continues to stall and Daniels can bounce back with ease because of his comedy.

 

D-Von has to beat Park.  I mean…..he HAS TO.

 

As for the Knockouts gauntlet……Velvet.  Makes as much sense as anyone else.

 

Overall Genesis looks like most other TNA B shows: not much interesting other than on top of the show while the next episode of Impact seems more important.  The show might surprise us and absolutely will be better than Final Resolution.  It’s impossible to be less interesting than that nonsense was.  There isn’t much else to say about this and then we’ll get a few months of build to Lockdown.

 

Thoughts/predictions?

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 10, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

It’s both the go home show for Genesis and the return of Gut Check, although in a tweeked format. This time it’s going to be TWO guys fighting for a contract, although there’s no word on whether or not a win guarantees a contract. Other than that we’re getting ready for Genesis, which isn’t exactly a show I’m thrilled about watching. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here are Sting, Joe and Angle to the ring. Sting says it’s good to be back and on Sunday he’s coming for Doc. As for tonight, he’s here with some friends like the big black bat, Shooter and Killer. He invites the bikers to come get some and Joe says the same. Kurt gets a HUGE chant and says that he wants to know where Mr. Anderson stands.

Here’s Anderson who says that these guys were nowhere to be seen months ago when Aces and 8’s beat him down. After that Sting had a new partner (he’s talking about the BFG match) and now they’re questioning why he would turn his back on TNA. Angle says you’re either with us or we’re going to fight. Anderson gets in the ring and says he doesn’t have to answer to Angle and the fight is on.

One of the Gut Check guys is Jay Bradley, who odds are you don’t remember from WWECW as Ryan Braddock.

Brooke Hogan gets a phone call from Mark, which is Bully Ray’s first name.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament Semi-Finals: Zema Ion vs. Kenny King

The winner of this faces Christian York at Genesis with the winner getting a title shot at Van Dam later in the night. King sends him to the floor but misses a dive, followed immediately by Ion sliding back in and hitting a flip dive of his own. Back in and King gets two off a spinwheel kick as we talk about the new PPV system. Ion guillotines King on the top rope and gets two off a DDT. King tries the Royal Flush but gets taken down instead. Ion loads up a 450 but misses, and by misses I mean hits King as King rolls away. King pops up and hits the Royal Flush to advance to Genesis at 3:05.

Rating: C. Take two guys, put them in the ring and have them fly around the ring all over the place. Nothing special here but King looks much better than Ion. Then again I’ve seen festering blisters that don’t look as bad as Ion. Also wasn’t King a heel until a few weeks ago? He certainly didn’t act like one here.

King says he’ll win on Sunday.

Robbie E tries to get Tessmacher into a mixed tag later but she wants to tag with Robbie T. Tessmacher to E: “You disgust me!” E: “Why does every girl say that to me???”

Joseph Park is back and is ready to be a wrestler. He then walks into a door and can’t get inside.

Tara/Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher

If nothing else, we get a clip of the Bro Off and Robbie E’s hilarious face. Jesse tries to jump Rob from behind because he’s an idiot and earns a slam. Off to the girls with Tessmacher taking over and hitting an X Factor out of the corner. There’s a Stinkface because that’s what you get on a wrestling show. T LAUNCHES Jesse into the corner and hits a BIG old powerbomb for the pin at 1:46.

T and Tessmacher dance post match and Robbie E LOSES IT. They kiss and E is about to have a heart attack. WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG FOR THEM TO BE THIS FUNNY???

Brian Cage talks about Gut Check.

Gut Check: Brian Cage vs. Jay Bradley

They’re both rookies and next week only one of them gets a contract. I have no idea which is which here. I know Bradley is from OVW but I’m not familiar with Cage. Bradley takes over with a slam and loads up his clothesline finisher but gets dropkicked tot he apron instead. Cage gets on the middle rope to suplex Bradley back inside and gets two off a spinning top rope elbow. Bradley pops back up and hits his running clothesline (the Boomstick) for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C. This was fine but at the end of the day, this doesn’t really address the main problems with Gut Check: we never see these guys again, they’re still just guys in trunks fighting, and they all have the same story. Bradley was fine and will get the contract and no one will care, because we haven’t been given a reason to care.

Anderson yells at Aces and 8’s telling them to get serious. The girls are thrown out. The bikers go to a meeting and yell at Knox for losing his mask.

Joseph Park is in the ring and is glad to be back from camp. He asks Hulk to come out and here’s the big bald himself. Hulk says he’s got important things to deal with right no and Park needs more time than just a few weeks in camp. Park wants one of the Aces and 8’s so Hulk gives him any match he wants to shut him up.

Park leaves so here’s Brooke to pop up on screen and say she’s coming to the ring right now….thanks for the warning I guess?

Post break here’s Brooke to whine about being ignored. She has an important question and it’s going to determine their relationship for a long time. The question is will he reinstate Mark and Hulk says no. Well that was quick.

Aries and Roode talk about how awesome their shirts are and argue about what to wear to the ring. An argument over who is better and deserves to be the champion follows. If I heard Aries right, he calls them a wet dream team. Now they argue over who gets to go to the ring first. Funny stuff here.

Video on the guys in the triple threat on Sunday.

Bobby Roode/Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy/James Storm

So again, the bikers and their matches on Sunday of Sting vs. Doc and Park vs. likely Knox takes precedent over the world title. Roode and Hardy start things off with both guys getting in some quick shots, leading to a stalemate. Off to Aries via an aggressive tag so he can show off some lighter trunks. Aries takes hardy to the mat and rides him around to show off a bit. Hardy comes back with a headscissors and the good guys double team their villains for a bit. Aries gets hung upside down from the ropes by his feet before arguing with Roode for not pulling him down.

We take a break and come back with Roode charging into an elbow in the corner. Hardy goes up to dive onto the floor onto Roode but gets shaken down and crotched. Aries tags himself in by slapping Roode hard on the back before going after Jeff’s leg. Back to Roode who gets caught in a sunset flip for a delayed two due to the referee arguing with Aries. Back to Austin who takes turns with Roode in trying to one up the other. Roode suplexes Hardy down for no cover and drops a knee for the same.

Roode goes up but jumps into a boot, which combined with a mule kick by Jeff brings in Storm off the hot tag. Storm cleans house to big reactions from the crowd. An Alabama Slam puts Aries down as does a neckbreaker to Roode. Closing Time (Codebreaker) sends Aries to the floor but Daniels and Kaz run in to distract Storm and prevent the Last Call. Hardy hits a Twisting Stunner on Roode but Aries blasts Jeff in the back with the belt for the DQ at 13:38.

Rating: C+. This was perfectly fine for what it was supposed to be: a basic main event style tag match to set up a triple threat as well as a singles match on Sunday. The idea of two challengers being in an argument over the title on Sunday and allowing Hardy to overcome the odds to retain is a good idea.

Roode and Aries fight over the belt post match.

Brooke tells Mark not to come here tonight but asks him to come pick her up. Ok then.

The tag champs attack Morgan and Ryan inside a trailer. Still don’t care about this.

We run down the Genesis card. There’s a Knockouts gauntlet match for a title shot at a date to be determined. Park gets to fight D-Von on Sunday presumably meaning that Knox doesn’t have a match on Sunday.

Hardy monologues about Sunday.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Anderson comes out from the regular entrance and to his own music. He does his entrance as usual and I can’t say I missed it that much. Well I could but I would be lying. Anderson bails to the floor to hide and Angle tells him to get in here for a fight. Anderson stalls some more and here’s Knox with the hammer to beat Angle down. No match. Brisco and Bischoff and Joe run out for the save.

Angle gets taken out on a stretcher. I’m guessing he needs time off.

Sting comes out and wants Knox RIGHT NOW. Well after a break that is of course.

Post break and it’s bat vs. hammer in what I think is going to be a match in a bit. Yep we get a bell after Knox gets hit with a bat.

Sting vs. Mike Knox

Hit with a bat? Why would that stop someone? Knox pounds Sting down to start as the fans chant for Sting. We head to the floor with Sting sending Knox into the steps a few times which still isn’t a DQ. Sting puts him against the barricade and ACTUALLY HITS THE SPLASH. That might be the second time I’ve ever seen him hit that. Back in and the Deathlock is countered but Sting no sells Knox’s offense. The Splash sets up the Death Drop for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D. I’m seriously laughing at this match. Knox, the newest member of the team, is already losing his matches just like a good member of the team. They’ve completely lost the chances of making people take them seriously at this point, which defeats the purpose of a monster heel stable in the first place. Nothing to see here at all.

Post match Sting hits Knox in the hand with a hammer but D-Von pops up with possession of Brooke. He promises to make this their year and here’s Ray with his chain for the save. Brooke gets away from Aces and 8’s after being in their grip for all of 18 seconds. Hogan comes out with his arms crossed and glares.

Post break Hogan blames Ray for all these problems and says Ray isn’t the man for his daughter. Ray goes into his “I love this business” schtick and that he didn’t think he could love anything more than wrestling….until he met Brooke. She was apologizing for Hogan being a jerk. Hulk drops his mic and Ray keeps talking about how fast this is happening. He says screw this and puts Brooke between the two of them. Bully says he cares about Brooke a lot and gets on his knee to propose to her. She says yes and Ray wants it to happen next week on Impact. Sure why not.

Overall Rating: C+. This show wasn’t bad but it certainly wasn’t good either. It had it’s moments of comedy, but unfortunately only half of them were meant to be funny. Aces and 8’s are rapidly approaching unintentional comedy area which may be entertaining, but certainly not in the way TNA was shooting for. The world title stuff was good and nothing on the show was horrible, but it didn’t do much for making me want to see Genesis.

Results

Kenny King b. Zema Ion – Royal Flush

Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Jesse Godderz – Powerbomb to Godderz

Jay Bradley b. Brian King – Boomstick

Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries via DQ when Aries hit Hardy with a belt

Sting b. Mike Knox – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

TNA IMPACT WRESTLING today announced a new worldwide Pay-Per-View programming initiative for 2013. The 52 annual episodes of IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV will lead to four, live epic Pay-Per-View events commencing with “Genesis” on January 13th, “Lockdown” on March 10th, “Slammiversary” on June 9 and “Bound For Glory” on October 13th.

In addition, seven Pay-Per-View specials that will be branded as “TNA Wrestling: One Night Only,” series will debut in April 2013 and continue throughout the year during the additional months. The 3-hour taped Pay-Per-View specials will premiere on the first Friday of each month. The first two “One Night Only” specials will be “Joker’s Wild Tag Team Tournament” and “X-travaganza” which will feature the X-Division.

“The Pay-Per-View industry has changed so much in the last decade,” says TNA President Dixie Carter. “The traditional pay-per-view wrestling model needed to evolve and we believe this strategy will positively impact not only the Pay-Per-View events but the weekly television programming as well.”

Source

So basically they’re doing themed In Your Houses and four PPVs?  I can more than dig that.  And yes I’ll be reviewing the One Night Only shows.

 

So I don’t have to put up with schmucks saying I don’t care about women’s wrestling.

 

I have no idea why many people would care about this, but apparently it’s a story.

According to him.

 

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/news/269101/Pope-DAngelo-Dinero-Done-With-TNA.htm

 

At the end of the day, he hasn’t done anything of note in years so I can’t say I’ll miss him that much.

 

Thoughts?

Final Resolution 2008 (January)
Date: January 6, 2008
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

 

This is the last 2008 show I have before I plow into 2007 in a few weeks. The main event is Angle defending against Christian and that’s about it. There’s also what was supposed to be the midcard title in TNA as the World Beer Drinking Championship is defended by Eric Young against Eric Young. This is the January edition of Final Resolution 2008 as somehow TNA managed to have the same PPV twice in a year with one being called Final on the 6^th day of the year. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about how the show called FINAL is about how everything is new. This is set to Ride of the Valkyries. The video talks about the major matches such as Christian vs. Angle and Gail vs. Kong.

 

LAX vs. Rock and Rave Infection

 

There’s some masked chick beating up Christy (Infection’s manager) recently and she’s part of LAX. I guess that’s the main reason this is happening? Rave vs. Homicide starts us off. They fly around the ring a bit and Rave gets two off La Majistral. Homicide gets caught in the corner and Rock (Lance Rock and Jimmy Rave) throws him around with a fallaway slam. Hernandez comes in for the power match and in short, SuperMex wins.

 

Rave stops Homicide on the apron and hits an STO but almost as fast as he hits the floor, SuperMex dives over the top to take out both members of the Infection. This is going REALLY fast. Rave gets beaten down with double teaming but Rock gets in to break up a Doomsday Device style move. SuperMex is sent to the floor so now the Infection gets to double team. Dig that mirroring of each other.

 

Hernandez comes back in and hits the Crackerjack (their name not mine) which is a belly to belly over head choke throw. Hoyt, who is like 6’7, goes up for a moonsault press on Hernandez. Homicide gets back up and hits the tope con hilo to Rock. Hernandez sets for the Border Toss to Rave but Christy makes the save. Rave tries something off the top but gets crotched and Hernandez hits a middle rope Border Toss to kill Rave dead for the pin.

 

Rating: C-. It was fast paced and kind of exciting but it was so totally incoherent that it was hard to keep up with and it had no flow at all. I’ve seen worse to be sure but this was nothing interesting and nothing we haven’t see a million times. The Infection was worthless other than Christy looking great as the good looking rock chick.

 

The masked chick appears again and it’s Salinas, more famous as Shelly Martinez.

 

Here’s part one of the Drinking Championship Series. They’re playing Never Have I Ever. Storm lies about everything with Storm claiming to having killed a lion with his bare hands, caused the Detroit riots of 1967 (he was born in June of 77) and to have been to the moon.

 

AJ says he’s going to pick the Angle Alliance or the Christian Coalition tonight. AJ was portrayed as a total moron at this point where both guys were trying to lure him to their teams. He and Tomko are tag champions and Tomko says AJ is out of time.

 

We recap Kaz vs. Black Reign. Basically Reign is the alter ego of Dustin Rhodes and Dustin says he has no idea he’s going it. The fact that the guy looked just like Goldust made this even stupider.

 

Kaz vs. Black Reign

 

Kaz hits a jumping back elbow off the middle rope and then a clothesline off the apron to the floor. Reign misses a charge and Kaz kicks him to the entrance ramp. Reign looks exactly like Goldust but with black and gray instead of black and gold. Oh and he’s a lot fatter now. He kicks Kaz off the ramp and takes over with his usual slow and boring offense.

 

Basically Reign has taken the look of Goldust and taken out the interest and workrate and added in the offense of Dustin Rhodes. Off to the chinlock to keep things riveting. A diamond stunner gets two for Reign. This is one of those matches that started out interesting and has shifted into one where I could show it to Alex DeLarge while his eyes were held open.

 

They both try cross bodies but collide to put them both down. Kaz fires off some rapid kicks which help a bit. Gee what a shock: a young non-Texas cowboy gets on offense and the match instantly gets better. He does that in the corner but dives out to the apron for a slingshot DDT for two. Spinning legdrop misses but whatever the Curtain Call is known as is reversed into a spinning downward spiral for the pin.

 

Rating: D. With Kaz on offense it’s watchable but Dustin is just so boring when he’s in control and it cripples the rest of the match whenever it’s happening. This was boring almost the whole way through and it didn’t work at all. Reign would become a monster along with Rellik soon, resulting in one of the stupidest angles I’ve ever seen.

 

Kaz steals Reign’s rat post match.

 

JB is with Angle and Karen and he (JB) is freaking out about AJ. Angle says chill and reminds JB he’s an interviewer. Karen says chill because it’s all cool. JB answers to Karen saying honey. She has a plan to take care of AJ and leaves. Kurt sends JB after him.

 

We recap Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong. She beat Kong for the first championship and Kong has been hunting for her since. Tonight it’s No DQ for the title.

 

Knockout Title: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

 

We’re on the floor almost immediately and Kong is all crazy and strong. She tries to Awesome Bomb Gail through the table but Gail fights out of it. Back inside and Kong chokes away with the boot. Off to a sleeper and Kong spins her around while still having the hold on. Gail gets up on the top but is caught by a spinning backfist and she’s almost out cold. Total massacre so far.

 

Gail is holding her knee after falling. I’m sorry for the play by play but there’s nothing to say here as it’s more or less a squash so far. They go into the crowd and Gail fires off some right hands but that gets her tossed around. Kim fires off more shots but can’t hurt Kong. She manages to find a weapon though. Gail gets her hands on the most lethal thing she can: an empty plastic Coke bottle. She whacks Kong a few times with it and Kong sells for some reason.

 

Gail makes Kong miss and the big chick crashes into a wall. Kong’s arm is sent into the post and a chair is kicked into her face. This is almost like Vader vs. Flair at Starrcade 93 as Gail absorbed the beating to open the match and had to keep hammering away until she got in a shot somehow to break the momentum. Back inside the spinning backfist takes Kim down and all that work Gail did seems to be forgotten.

 

Awesome Bomb is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a missed drop. Kim goes up and does one of those moves where the whole point is to jump into a move and it looks really stupid as she lands in a chokeslam. Not happy with a count, Kong hits an Awesome Bomb on the referee and it’s the fat one. Gail gets a chair and cracks Kong three times with it to put her down. A top rope splash hits but there’s no referee. Oh wait yes there is and it gets two. Gail walks into another chokeslam for two and Kong is mad. She goes to Awesome Bomb the other referee but Kim rolls her up for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: B. See, this is the big difference between the Divas and the Knockouts. The Divas have matches that are supposed to be impressive because they involve girls. The Knockouts have matches that are like regular matches but happen to have participants who look good in tight shorts. This could have been good with men or women in it, which is a great sign.

 

Karen goes to look for AJ in the men’s room. She finds him and says she wants to relieve him of his tension. ODB walks out of a stall and kills the move. See she’s cool because she’s gross and acts like a man. It’s good right? She leaves and Karen kisses AJ on the cheek and sex is implied.

 

We recap Abyss vs. Judas Mesias which is part of the WAY too long story of Abyss vs. James Mitchell. At this point I’m not sure what we know but we would find out that Mitchell is Abyss’ father and he shot Mitchell in the head, sending him to prison. Mitchell got him out of prison and brought in his other son, Abyss’ step brother, for a war.

 

Mitchell says there’s a secret only he and Abyss know which must be that Abyss is the son.

 

Judas Mesias vs. Abyss

 

Abyss seems happy to just hit running forearms that are supposed to be clotheslines. Mesias isn’t a very big guy. We head to the floor quickly and Abyss’ leg is wrapped around the post. Psychology in an Abyss match? Now I’ve seen everything. Mesias puts on a knee bar but his finisher, Straight to Hell, misses. Abyss looks for tacks and Mitchell tiptoes away. I was wrong: I hadn’t seen a man in a purple suit tiptoe away with a bag of tacks.

 

Mesias gets up on the steps and poses before…stepping down off the steps. He jumps into a chokeslam position back in the ring. The knee is ok enough for a running splash by Abyss. Sidewalk slam gets two. A chair gets wedged between the top and middle rope. It takes a bit but Mesias’ cabeza finally goes into it and a chokeslam gets two. Mitchell is back now with a different bag than he left with.

 

Abyss finds a barbed wire chair. Remember when Punk was on commentary on Raw and said security around here sucks? Well refereeing around TNA sucks harder. The distraction from that chair lets Mesias get a regular chair shot in to Abyss’ head and a top rope splash for two. Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam but Mitchell has the referee. Mesias spryas blood into Abyss’ face and the Straight to Hell (jumping downward spiral) puts Abyss onto the barbed wire chair for the academic pin.

 

Rating: C-. Eh it’s a big brawl with weapons featuring Abyss. This happens on almost every show they have so it’s not exactly something that you can get excited about. Mesias wouldn’t be around for very long and he was only there as a piece in this feud which went on for like two years. Either way, not horrible but just another Abyss hardcore match minus the hardcore rules.

 

Post match Mitchell wants to know if Abyss wants to tell the truth and Abyss says no. Mesias pulls a gas can out of the bag and it’s barbecue time. Security breaks it up.

 

Nash says that even though he and Joe aren’t the best of friends but he’ll try to make money. He also hits on the interviewer who seems interested. Dinner is implied.

 

We recap Booker/Sharmell vs. Miss Brooks (Traci)/Robert Roode. Roode was a VERY boring DiBiase knockoff and I never got the appeal of him as a singles guy around this time. His current singles run is better but this is still the stigma he has to him. It’s a mixed tag tonight.

 

Booker and Sharmell say she’s not a wrestler but she can fight.

 

Sharmell/Booker T vs. Miss Brooks/Robert Roode

 

Peyton Banks, a currently unnamed but hot big chested blonde, is stalking Roode as his biggest fan. Roode stalls a lot after the bell and I think the genders have to match. After the frist few minutes we don’t have much going on. Everyone is waiting on the catfight and it doesn’t help that Roode wasn’t nearly as good as he would become in a few years after he and Storm tore up the tag division. Booker controls to start before Roode takes over with some basic stuff like a DDT.

 

Booker fires off a hook kick and Roode looks a little loopy. They kind of botch a leapfrog and Roode hits a bad dropkick to put Booker down. Traci won’t help Roode cheat because Roode is forcing her to do all this stuff. She finally trips Booker to get one of the girls involved after about 5 minutes. Sharmell still hasn’t done anything yet. Off to a chinlock and the fans aren’t impressed.

 

The side kick misses and Booker gets hung up on the ropes. Roode hits the Blockbuster to finally get the crowd going a bit. By a bit I mean they stop chanting boring for a few seconds. Roode wants Traci to slap Booker but almost cries when she has to do it. SHARMELL IS IN!!! Oh wait it’s just one foot. The girls have been worthless here. Roode goes over to yell at her and slaps her hand away which is deemed a tag. We get into a catfight and Roode is on the apron. Sharmell shoves her into Roode and rolls her up for the pin. The girls were in for about 45 seconds.

 

Rating: D-. Hey TNA, if the girls aren’t very good in the ring, DON’T HAVE THEM BE IN THE MATCH!!! I know Sharmell isn’t a wrestler but that’s why she’s not in the ring often. The match was boring on top of that as Roode just wasn’t an interesting guy at this point. He’s only a bit more interesting now which is why I’m skeptical about his singles push. Either way, bad match but more boring than bad.

 

Post match Roode goes off on Traci and slaps him. He gets in her face in the corner and Sharmell goes in for the save. Roode accidentally punches her and Booker FREAKS. Make that everyone freaks. This feud would go on for like 4 more months.

 

The interviewer is freaking about the punch and Christian is a great jerk, saying yeah it’s tragic now ask me some questions already. He says he doesn’t need any help tonight and says that AJ has potential. Yeah AJ at this point was treated like a bumbling idiot and a midcard guy despite being a three time world champion. Christian says Karen’s seductions aren’t going to work.

 

Time for more of the Drinking Championships which is who can hold more beer in their bladders. You figure out the rest of it. Young wins and this was a waste of about 90 seconds.

 

We recap the X Division vs. Team 3D/Johnny Devine. Lethal is the X Champion and tonight it’s an Ultimate X match for honor. Not for the title which Devine stole the possession of, but for honor.

 

Motor City Machineguns/Jay Lethal vs. Team 3D/Johnny Devine

 

I can’t get this company at times. Devine stole the belt from the champion Lethal and the title is hanging above the ring. However, this isn’t for the title. Seriously, how stupid can this company get? There’s another stupid reason that I’ll get to after the match. Just to further the idiocy, Tenay and West are all somber about Sharmell and her injury and then during 3D’s entrance video you can hear them laughing.

 

Ray talks about how they’ve been training for this and they’re in great shape. This goes on for awhile because Devine has to climb up and hang the belt. FINALLY Lethal’s music cuts him off. The guns hit the ring and we’re ready to go. Both of the Guns have hand injuries due to Team 3D thinking about something than peach cobbler for once. The heels take over quickly and it’s already table time.

 

Make that two tables for a double powerbomb but Lethal makes the save. Shelley goes for the belt but hit hands give out. Sabin takes Bubba out with a springboard clothesline but he can’t climb either. Lethal is fine and gets about halfway but Devine makes the save. Devine has some very unattractive thighs. He also gets dropped on the back of his head but the Guns as they spin him off the cables. That looked painful.

 

Team 3D tries to jump to reach the title but they have a combined six inch vertical leap. The fans chant ECW but no, ECW wasn’t this dumb. Ray goes up to a corner but Lethal gets out in front of him. Instead of TURNING AROUND AND TAKING THE FREAKING BELT, he makes fun of Ray and falls down. Good. He deserves to fall on his stupid head.

 

Ray tries a Macho Elbow (called a legdrop by West which is more accurate as the leg would have hit instead of the elbow) but he’s too fat and it takes too long. Devine gets something like a Codebreaker to Lethal and goes up but is caught in an atomic drop from the top by Shelley. A slingshot DDT by Sabin leaves the Guns in control for maybe 3 seconds. Shelley gets his hands cracked again by Ray and a kendo stick as does Sabin.

 

We get an old Superfly/Andre moment as D-Von gets on Ray’s shoulders but the real Cruiserweights make the save. D-Von, Lethal and Devine try a triple person tower spot and it looks AWFUL as Lethal lands on his head after being on top. There goes the referee because gimmick matches need ref bumps.

 

Ray uses the chance to get a ladder which is said to be against an unwritten rule by Mike. Ok so ladders are officially legal. Got it. The Guns make the save but here’s Devine with the kendo stick again. He goes up the ladder but Sabin shoves him off, onto the tables. THE TABLES DON’T BREAK and Devine bounces off of them. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

 

Sabin walks into a 3D from 3D and Lethal shows how stupid he is by springboarding into two guys holding a ladder. Guess what happens there. D-Von goes up and gets the belt but there’s no ref. The referee asks the fans if he cheated and the fans say he did but it’s good enough I guess.

 

Rating: C-. Ultimate X gets points because it’s Ultimate X but this had so many stupid moments to it that it took me out of the match. From stuff like Lethal taunting Ray when he could have won the match to the match not being for the title to the ladder deal and the match being pretty boring by comparison to other matches.

 

That other stupid reason I mentioned? Devine won the title on Impact about 11 days after this. SO WHY WOULDN’T THEY HAVE HIM WIN IT HERE??? Sweet merciful cheese this company is stupid.

 

We recap the tag title match which is Joe/Nash vs. Tomko/AJ. The idea was that at Turning Point, Hall no showed the event and Joe cut a mostly shoot promo about how the “superstars” were taking the pay and the limelight while the wrestlers weren’t out there at all because the old guys won’t let them. Nash said Joe wasn’t ready yet and this is borderline shoot in its own right. Cornette decided to make a tag title match for some reason, which was what Joe was complaining about so I’m not sure how the fat boy wins here but whatever.

 

Joe says he and Nash care cool and maybe he was wrong about Hall and Nash. He also wants it to be about wrestling and not about drama.

 

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash vs. Tomko/AJ Styles

 

AJ and Joe go to the mat quickly and it’s a stalemate. Joe grabs a leg lock but AJ makes a rope. Tag off to Nash who had some good matches with AJ so this should be interesting. AJ starts making him miss and goes for the knee. Tomko tags himself in and the knee still doesn’t work well for Nash. Off to a leg lock as I guess we’re hoping for a hot tag to Joe later. I’m not sure if Nash is the right guy to work the majority of a match but whatever.

 

Nash manages to grab a side slam on Tomko so hopefully we’ll get a tag soon. Ah good there’s fat boy against Styles so this is almost automatically good. The Samoan hits a Samoan on Tomko and Nash’s knee is suddenly fine as he can hit a big boot. AJ takes Joe down with a springboard dropkick and Tomko chokes away. AJ does his leapfrog/hit the mat/dropkick sequence.

 

Tomko back in and it’s chinlock time. I think Joe thinks it’s hot fudge sundae time. AJ comes in for a bridging Indian Deathlock but Joe breaks that quickly as AJ isn’t Samoan nor a submission machine. Tomko gets a DDT for two. It’s probably a good thing Joe is doing most of the work here as there’s not a ton you can do with a guy Nash’s size, namely because he’s just too tall.

 

AJ rakes the eyes but Joe clocks him. Styles is knocked to the apron and tries a springboard rana but Joe kills him with a powerbomb. Tomko takes Nash down and and Joe takes Tomko down with a scoop powerslam. Joe goes to tag Nash and Nash walks out. It’s one of those matches. Joe escapes the champs’ double team finisher (Tornadoplex) and has to fight for his life (say it’s his supper and he’ll REALLY fight).

 

He gets a MuscleBuster on AJ but Tomko saves, drawing a Thank You Tomko chant. Even the fans are tired of the wacky tag partners and I can’t say I’m particularly disagreeing with them. I’m not sure why Joe would want to be Nash’s partner but I guess pride or something. The numbers catch up to Joe and the Tornadoplex (side slam/neckbreaker combo) ends this.

 

Rating: D+. Boring match all around as the whole point was Joe and Nash don’t get along but they got along for about five minutes. This is a TNA/WCW standard: get to the PPV and then TUNE INTO NITRO to find out why all this happened. This is another feud that went on for months and this was just another small stop in that feud. Not much to see here but it was watchable.

 

We now get the final part of the Drinking Championship, all of which is happening yesterday/last night. They’re playing high low with cards and the loser has to take a shot, first to pass out loses. Jackie flashes Eric and Storm spikes his drink to win. This was so stupid. This means Storm gets a match of his choice at Against All Odds against Young. He picked a…..wait for it……wait for it…..A NORMAL MATCH!!!

 

JB tells Kurt about what Karen did earlier and Kurt isn’t happy. Angle says he’ll win.

 

We recap Angle vs. Christian. Ok so basically both guys are fighting over who gets Tomko and AJ and both of them are being recruited I guess. Tomko picked Angle and AJ hasn’t picked anyone yet which is the running story on this show. It’s heel vs. heel for the most part here…I think.

 

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage

 

Angle’s eyes are weird looking here and it looks like he has eyeliner on. The fans are all over Angle here so I guess Christian is face by default. Christian tries to wrestle Kurt and that goes badly. He tries a headlock instead and manages to escape a belly to belly. Angle gets him on the mat and hooks an arm trap headlock. They have a lot of time so this slow start is fine.

 

Christian hits a flapjack for his first big move and slaps the back of Kurt’s head to tick him off. Unprettier is countered and we hit the mat again. Christian gets up and we go to the floor with Christian hitting that big dive that he’s known to do. Back in the Canadian jumps into a belly to belly which sends him over the top again in a cool visual.

 

Kurt works on the neck and gets a knee to the ribs for two. Christian is on the floor again and Karen adds in some shots of his own. Back in and Kurt hooks a rear naked choke. This slow build is very slow in this case and it’s getting a bit dull. They go up to the ropes and Kurt backdrops him off the middle rope. That was a new one. The moonsault hits for two in another rare one.

 

Christian grabs a DDT to break up the champ’s momentum. The reverse version looks to set up the frog splash and yeah I guess Christian is the face. The interview earlier would imply otherwise but since when has TNA made sense? The splash misses and the American hits some Germans on the Canadian. Angle looks at the ankle like he wants to make sweet love to it down by the pond but the Slam is countered as is the Unprettier and a pair of ankle locks, resulting in a small package for two for the Canadian.

 

He goes up but Kurt grabs the ankle while Christian is on the top. He kicks Kurt off but Kurt gets the running suplex for two and it’s back to the ankle. We’re still waiting on AJ’s interference. Christian hooks a Texas cloverleaf which Kurt escapes again. The Slam is countered again into an Edge-O-Matic for two. Christian goes up again but Karen distracts him. Ok to be fair with a rack like that it’s hard not to be distracted. Kurt tries another running suplex but Christian bites his head and shoves him down for the frog splash for two.

 

Kurt hits him low and hits the Slam for two. Is anyone really surprised that it only got two? I mean seriously? Kurt gets his 19^th ankle lock but it’s rolled through and Kurt almost hits Karen. That distraction lets Christian hit a not perfect Unprettier for two. Now Christian puts on the ankle lock and Kurt taps because he’s a heel. Karen has the referee and does again as AJ comes out. He hugs Christian but then hits him in the back, letting Kurt get the Slam to retain.

 

Rating: B-. Think Russo is booking? The whole match is about who does the run-in run-in for and then there’s a swerve with that too. It’s a good match and they were starting to get pretty good at the end but it was nothing classic. For a PPV main event though it’s perfectly fine. AJ would finally turn face a few months later but who cares about something like that?

 

A highlight package of the main event takes us out.

 

Overall Rating: C-. If I had to sum this up in one word, I’d go with forgettable. The best match of the night is either the main event or Kong vs. Gail and both of those are just pretty good. It would lead to Kurt vs. AJ and an awesome series of matches between them and Joe’s time on top which was a good period for TNA. As for this show though, there wasn’t anything great about it which is kind of the situation for the company as a whole at this point: not bad, but nothing great at all.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 3, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Kenely, Tazz

We open the new year with the return (yes another one) of Sting. Rather than let us be surprised by who wins, TNA has decided to throw the name out there ahead of time. The other issue is that Anderson may or may not be joining Aces and 8’s. That would help their star power but somehow make them more boring at the same time. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap kills some time.

We open with the Superstar of the Year presentation. The nominees are Ray, Storm, Aries, Roode and of course Hardy. To the shock of no one other than Aries or Roode, Hardy wins. Roode and Aries were arguing to the ring when the announcement was made and the two of them being shocked was funny stuff. Hardy says that this award means just as much as being champion, which draws Roode into the ring to yell.

When Roode was champion, NOTHING was more important to him than the title. He made history and set records when he was champion but here’s Aries to argue that HE should be the winner because he averaged over four stars per PPV match. Hardy calms things down and says he’ll defend against both of them at Genesis, which I think is the first match announced. Aries jumps him but gets in an argument with Roode over who gets to beat Hardy up. Aries tries to hit Jeff with the trophy but blasts Roode instead, bending the gold part on top. Hardy takes out Aries and leaves.

Storm is disappointed but Bad Influence comes in and makes fun of a country song to show how sad Storm is in a hilarious bit. Storm says he’ll be back and he’ll kick Daniels in his Twitter and knock Kaz’s Facebook off. Kaz: “You forgot MySpace!”

Kazarian vs. James Storm

Daniels faked Storm out to start and Kaz got in a cheap shot to really start. That’s some nice chicanery there. Storm pounds away in the ring before we head to the floor where Daniels can cheat yet again. Back in and Storm comes back with Closing Time (Codebreaker) for no cover, instead opting for a Russian Leg Sweep and a top rope elbow for two. For the third time a Daniels distraction lets Kaz take over, this time with a TKO for two. Storm hits another Codebreaker out of nowhere and after taking out Daniels, hits the Last Call to a jumping Kaz for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C. Storm continues to be kept away from the main event but it’s nice to see him overcoming the odds for a week and getting a clean pin. Also, it’s VERY nice to see Bad Influence fighting anyone other than AJ for all of eternity. Other than that though, the match was relatively dull with Storm just doing his thing and hitting his signature moves.

Anderson is told to make a decision by Aces and 8’s and after some prodding from Doc, he finally agrees. However, D-Von’s bat is missing.

Kenny King talks to Kid Kash about some mini tournament for the shot at RVD.

Quick highlight package on Sting and Aces and 8’s.

Here’s Doc to say that Sting needs to get out here so he can cripple Sting once and for all. A ball bat falls from the ceiling and Doc FREAKS, shouting that he isn’t afraid and demanding that Sting get out here as we take a break.

Brooke has no comment on her dad.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament: Kid Kash vs. Christian York

Kash jumps him to start and takes it to thef loor very quickly, only to get caught by a dropkick and a kick to the head from the apron. Kash pounds away a bit but York comes back with a botched handspring into a kick for two. A running low downward spiral gets two for Christian and he counters a backslide into the Mood Swing (Eve’s swinging neckbreaker) for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see at all here as Kash continues to just be a warm body in the division. York isn’t much better and I’m not wild on these mini tournaments, especially when the finals and the title match are at the same show (Genesis obviously), it gets a little dull. Nothing to see here though.

Hernandez and Chavo aren’t scared of Morgan and Ryan.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan has a bad arm so Joey is subbing for him. Ok then.

Joey Ryan vs. Hernandez

Hernandez pounds away to start and Morgan’s arm appears to be fine. He comes in and hits a discus lariat on Hernandez for the DQ at 1:00.

Chavo gets taken down as well post match. Was there a point to this segment?

Angle thanks Brisco and Bischoff for having his back. Tonight it’s a cage match so they can hang back here. Joe yells at them for no apparent reason but Angle smooths things over.

We see the Knockouts stretching.

We recap Aries/Ray/the Hogans for the millionth time.

Here’s Hulk to apologize for being gone last week. He saw his daughter and Ray making out in the parking lot and he needed a breather. Hulk asks Brooke and Ray to come out here right now so here they are side by side and nearly arm in arm. Hulk wants an explanation right now and Ray says it was all on him. Papa Hogan GOES OFF on Ray, saying that he knew all along that Ray was a bad man. Apparently Ray broke some kind of code and he gets thrown out of the ring, just like Brooke. Ray is suspended as well. Is there a point to this coming ANYTIME soon?

Post break we recap what we just saw.

Back to OVW for more Joseph Park matches. He’s been watching a lot of tape and Danny Davis is starting to get the appeal of him. I think Park graduates.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher

Tess is in all blue tonight which is a nice change of pace. She and Gail start but it’s quickly off to Tara. I do enjoy the camera closeups we get of the Knockouts unlike the Divas. Mickie comes in off a blind tag to clear the ring as Jesse consoles Tara. Back in for Tara vs. Mickie as we take a break. Back with Tessmacher getting the hot tag and cleaning house. Tara gets knocked to the floor where Jesse wipes her face, allowing Kim to deck Tessmacher from behind. Back to Kim legally for an over the shoulder back/rib breaker for two.

Gail misses a charge in the corner and falls to the floor but she still manages to block the hot tag. Tara comes in with the slingshot somersault legdrop for two and it’s off to a quick bow and arrow hold. Tessmacher slams Tara face first into the mat and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Mickie. House is cleaned and a neckbreaker on Kim gets two. Everything breaks down and Tessmacher dives on Jesse and Tara on the floor. Gail misses the same charge in the corner again and Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin at 13:04.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here for the same four chicks we’ve seen fight for months. Is Velvet gone again, because we haven’t seen her in the ring for two weeks now. It still seems to be setting up Mickie to take the title off Tara, which makes Sky’s return worthless. Not a bad match here but there was no need for this to be over seven minutes, let alone thirteen.

Aces and 8’s say they have to stay masked.

ODB is glad Sting is back and says Young will be back soon.

We recap the announcement of the triple threat match at Genesis.

Hulk makes it a three way elimination in a segment that doesn’t need to exist. Next week it’s the two of them against Hardy and whoever Hardy can get.

Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle vs. D-Von/Masked Man

In a cage for absolutely no apparent reason. Doc slams the door on Angle as he gets in the ring, making it a handicap match to start. Joe beats on both guys in the ring as Doc keeps beating up Angle on the outside. D-Von charges into his partner in the corner so Joe can divide and conquer a bit. The numbers finally catch up to Joe and his comeback attempt is quickly stopped. Thankfully there’s no tagging in this. I can’t stand the idea of law and order in a cage match.

D-Von kicks the door into Angle’s head again as the beating continues. We take a break and come back with Joe still fighting both guys off on his own. To be fair it’s not like (presumably) Mike Knox and D-Von would be a huge challenge for a guy like Joe. Angle fights off Doc and gets the key to unlock the cage. Kurt cleans house but can’t get the mask off due to Doc making ANOTHER save. Angle is busted open now but he avoids D-Von’s headbutt. It’s time to roll some Germans on both bikers and the Angle Slam pins the masked man at 11:43.

Rating: C-. Again, why am I supposed to be surprised here? Joe and Angle are two of the biggest stars in TNA history and they’re beating up two guys with barely any singles success ever? This is supposed to be interesting? Nothing to see here for the most part and the cage is just there to try to add some drama I suppose.

Post match more bikers run in to beat down Angle and Joe as Anderson watches from the floor. Sting comes in with the bat to clean house with little fanfare. Aces and 8’s bail, but the masked man from the match is left alone. He gets triple teamed and the mask is pulled off to reveal Mike Knox, shocking ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. Gee, just what Aces and 8’s needs: ANOTHER FREAKING CAREER NOTHING. Tenay says Sting just took the power away from Aces and 8’s. Mike, go watch some CMLL or something. It’ll do you a lot of good.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t the worst show in the world but it certainly wasn’t all that great either. At the end of the day, this show has become almost all about drama as we wait to get to next checkpoint in the Aces and 8’s story and any kind of a point at all in Hogan vs. Ray. Hulk is looking like a jerk in this whole thing which doesn’t really do much for Ray at all. Aces and 8’s are still Aces and 8’s as well, but now with two big guys with no career accomplishments. Nothing to see here but at least we FINALLY have some stuff set for Genesis.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Christian York b. Kid Kash – Mood Swing

Hernandez b. Joey Ryan via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Gail Kim – MickieDT to Kim

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe b. D-Von/Masked Man – Angle Slam to Masked Man

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 27, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

Hey it’s Open Fight Night, BECAUSE WE JUST HAD A FREAKING GIMMICK SHOW LAST WEEK! Pay no attention to the fact that these shows never accomplish anything and the ratings keep going down, because clearly these stupid gimmicks are the only thing holding them up as high as they go. The show will likely be fine but man alive I don’t care about this Open Fight thing. Let’s get to it.

After the usual opening recap, here’s Bully Ray with something to say. He realizes he and Hogan can’t get along because Hogan won’t trust him. Tonight, he’s calling Hulk out for a talk rather than a fight. The music plays but there’s no Hulk. Instead we get Brooke who says Hulk isn’t here. We get the melodramatic promo from Brooke about how someone had a camera or something because Hulk knows. DOES NO ONE WATCH THEIR OWN TV SHOWS ANYMORE??? Ray denies anything exists and leaves with Brooke trying to talk sense into him.

Here’s Aries who doesn’t care what the fans think of him. He’ll win the title back soon but tonight, he’s going to be in the main event against Roode for costing him the title last week.

Samoa Joe calls out the hammer guy from Aces and 8’s and promises to take his mask.

Samoa Joe vs. Masked Man

Joe pounds away to start but gets beaten down in the corner. The masked guy (I believe Mike Knox) hits the running crotch attack in 619 position but misses a charge in the corner. Joe tries the MuscleBuster but gets kicked away. There’s the Clutch instead and the masked guy is out at 2:56.

Joe goes for the mask but the rest of the bikers come in for the save. Of course they do.

Robbie E and Jesse have a Dude/Bro off. I’m strangely intrigued by this. The challenge is for a Bro Off later rather than a match of course.

Kenny King tells Christian York to watch tonight and maybe he’ll get an X Title match.

It’s time for the Bro Off, which has three rules: every bro for himself, you have to end everything in bro….and the third rule isn’t listed. Apparently this is a dance off. Scratch that as Robbie dances and Jesse poses. Jesse presses Tara over his head but apparently it’s Bros and not Hoes, so Robbie wins by DQ. Robbie T says that’s not it because he’s in this too. He poses as well before pressing Robbie E over his head. T also fist pumps, backflips, does one handed pushups and humps the mat. The look on E and Jesse’s faces are HILARIOUS. T wins apparently.

Van Dam, looking higher than I’ve ever seen him, calls out Christian York instead of Kenny King.

Christian York vs. Rob Van Dam

Feeling out process to start with both guys missing some strikes. York hits a half nelson suplex to take over and a kick to Van Dam’s back to follow up. A rana sends Van Dam to the outside and a missile dropkick back inside for no cover. The Mood Swing (Eve’s rolling neckbreaker) gets two as does a kick out of the corner from York. York hits a top rope double stomp to the back for two but misses a charge in the corner. Van Dam hits a split legged moonsault for two and Rolling Thunder for no cover. Five Star gets the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C. Nice spot fest here but literally that’s it. There was nothing between these moves which gets really annoying really fast. York is a guy who they’re at least making look competent, which is all you can ask for with a new guy like him. Also at least there’s something to look at, unlike the other Gut Check people who never show up again.

D-Von talks about getting someone new to join the club. Doc is with some girls and approves of the plan.

We get a package on Joseph Park in OVW. Park: “I’m setting the bar for training.” Danny Davis: “He’s dumber than a box of rocks.” We get the clip of Park morphing into Abyss which was the potential that Davis was looking for.

Bad Influence goes to make sure they don’t have any merchandise on sale. They have a post-Christmas present for everyone.

Remember to vote for Superstar of the Year.

Roode says he’s winning tonight and getting the title back at Genesis.

Sting is still going to be back on 1-3-13.

Daniels dances out to the ring and says greetings and salutations to all you ham sandwiches. He’s the reason AJ hasn’t been around anymore so why not do it one more time? He calls out AJ and naturally it’s Kaz in the AJ gear. Kaz cuts a promo in a GREAT AJ impersonation and says how great Daniels is. Kaz: “I’m not going to wrestle you. I’m going to go find Clair Lynch and….” Daniels: “NO! NOBODY WANTS THAT!”

The tag champions come out and challenge Bad Influence for right now.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bad Influence

Fast paced start with Daniels getting thrown around by Chavo. Off to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly overhead suplex. The champions pound away on Daniels before slamming Kaz onto Daniels for no cover. Daniels begs away from Hernandez and we take a break. Back with Hernandez doing his delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. I’m not sure if any time has actually passed since we left. Things break down and Daniels takes over on SuperMex.

The non-champions hit back to back slingshot strikes on Hernandez to take over. The match drags on and gets very boring in a hurry with the heels in control. After about 8 hours, the lukewarm tag brings in Chavo who hits Three Amigos on Kaz. Bad Influence hits a Hart Attack for two but Hernandez sends them to the floor. The champs hit a double dive to the floor before throwing Kaz back in for the Frog Splash and the pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. The match was fine but OH MY GOODNESS Chavo and Hernandez are boring. You have Bad Influence getting some of the funniest lines in this company in years and they get to job time after time to this generic Latino tag team. Seriously, that’s the ONLY thing about the champs that sets them apart from any two other guys. They’re the champions and they’re going to have them for a long time, because there is no tag division in TNA.

Hardy has little to say.

Video on Aces and 8’s attacking people with the hammer.

We see the guy that Aces and 8’s wants to join….and it’s Mr. Anderson. He’s offered women to help them out and apparently they’re good enough to sway him into considering it.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

You know, for those people who wanted this feud to be picked up again. Tessmacher takes over to start and does the Stinkface thing in the corner. Gail gets knocked to the floor but takes over back inside. Kim loads up a super rana but Tessmacher blocks it, sending Gail down onto her head. FREAKING OW MAN! A dragon sleeper in the corner doesn’t do much for Tessmacher so Gail takes over again. The sloppiness continues but Tessmacher can’t hit that Tesshocker thing of hers. A top rope elbow misses Gail and Eat Defeat ends this at 5:24.

Rating: D. I can’t stand the Knockouts anymore and these two sucking the charisma out of things that don’t even have charisma in the first place are a good reason for that. Nothing to see here at all and I barely have enough to say to fill in the four lines of space that I try to have for each rating.

Next week it’s Aces and 8’s vs. Angle/Joe in a cage. Sure why not.

Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start until Aries sends Roode to the floor. He loads up the suicide dive but stops cold when Roode is waiting on him. We take a break (complete with a Hardy voiceover) and come back to see them hammering on each other before Aries is sat on top. They ring each others’ ears and trade pokes to the eyes. Aries knocks Roode down and tries what looks like an elbow, only to roll through when Roode moves.

Bobby loads up a spear but gets caught in the Last Chancery. Roode pokes the eyes to escape and puts on the Crossface which I guess is his secondary finisher. Aries goes to the eyes as well to escape, showing some nice storytelling here. Roode begs off in the corner but trips Aries up for two with his feet on the ropes.

Aries tries a rollup with trunks for two of his own but walks into the spinebuster for two. Hebner disarms Roode of the chair he picked up, allowing Aries to hit a discus elbow for two. Now Austin brings in the chair but Henber will still have none of it. Hebner goes off on both guys so they both deck him and toss him to the floor, throwing the match out at about 13:00.

Rating: B-. I had a great time with this and I’m glad neither guy won. There was no reason to have one guy go over the other and the stereo cheating was a great touch. It’s clear they’re setting up a threeway and that’s probably the right move to go with until we set up Aries vs. Hardy whatever at Lockdown. Good stuff here.

Post match they both go for the chair but Hardy runs out and takes both guys out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The first hour was pretty good but after that this show fell off a cliff. I’m not sure what it was but I think the tag match had something to do with it. The problem with TNA is when something is bad, it’s REALLY bad and that’s what happened here. We’re two weeks away from Genesis and as usual, we have NOTHING scheduled yet. The three way is pretty obvious, but other than that the card could go in a lot of directions. By this point though, we should have hit some stops as we head in a direction.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Masked Man – Koquina Clutch

Rob Van Dam b. Christian York – Five Star Frog Splash

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Bad Influence – Frog Splash to Kazarian

Gail Kim b. Miss Tessmacher – Eat Defeat

Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Well it’s the end of the year and it’s time for someone else to do their awards results. I’ve used a combination of the PWI Awards, the WON Awards and the WrestleZone Awards while leaving a few out. I’ll be listing the winner and another that came to my mind when I was thinking about the winner. To explain it to you schmucks who have to complain about everything I do, THE WINNER IS LISTED FIRST AND THE OTHER PICK IS LISTED SECOND. Let’s get to it.

1. Wrestler of the Year

 

Winner: CM Punk. The guy was world champion all year long and there’s nothing else you can say to top that. No questions asked here.

 

Other: John Cena. Love him or hate him, he’s the biggest thing in wrestling and has been for years. He was in the main event of Wrestlemania and had the match of the year with Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately that’s about all he did this year, but no one tops him aside from Punk. Bryan was great too, but Cena fought Brock Lesnar and the Rock. That alone trumps anything Bryan did in the ring.

 

2. Tag Team of the Year

 

Winner: HELL NO. This is another layup here as you had two guys who you would NEVER (you have to shout a lot with this team) picture working well together having some of the best comedic chemistry since probably the Outlaws or Edge and Christian. Absolutely the right choice here and I don’t see any real argument for someone topping these guys.

 

Other: The Shield. These guys burst onto the scene and took over the company near the end of the year. They had one of the best debut matches EVER, taking a war to Ryback and HELL NO. These guys have a ton of potential and they have a chance to be huge in the next year, but this is for team of the Year, not November and December.

 

3. Match of the Year

 

Tie: Undertaker vs. HHH (Wrestlemania 28)/Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena (Extreme Rules)

 

I did this one already and I still can’t come up with a reason for either to be higher than the other. If you’ve got a favorite between the two then rock on man, but I can’t pick here.

 

4. Worst Match of the Year

 

Winner: John Cena vs. John Laurinitis (Over the Limit). I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: the best kind of a match is the kind where you can’t figure out who is going to win. This was the polar opposite of that idea, with EVERYTHING happening exactly as we expected it to, down to the not shocking heel turn by Big Show at the end. Why would I want to see this on PPV for 20+ minutes?

 

Other: Wes Brisco vs. Garrett Bischoff (Impact). I have no desire to ever see either of these guys again, and now we’re going to see these two as major players in Aces and 8’s. This was probably a plot point to introduce them on camera, thereby making this match an unholy abomination.

 

5. Feud of the Year

 

Winner: James Storm vs. Robert Roode. They feuded forever and the two matches were both great. If Storm had won the title during this, it would have been perfect, but for some reason TNA decided that the perfect build up didn’t deserve the perfect pay off. Then again, that probably has something to do with them never being able to crack a 1.4 TV rating. Anyway, great feud here and great matches throughout.

 

Other: John Cena vs. The Rock. It’s John Cena vs. The Rock. That’s my explanation.

 

6. Most Improved Wrestler of the Year

 

Winner: Daniel Bryan. Bryan wasn’t much last year, having won the world title about a week before the new year began. Then he got the world title and became a heel, which allowed for him to show some character. On top of that, he then went to war with the fans with a mere two words. On top of THAT, he then got together with Kane of all people to form one of the funniest tag teams in years. Great stuff here and a great surprise.

 

Other: Big Show. Who would have pictured Big Show ending the year as World Champion, having won the match in a dark horse candidate for the match of the year? He’s doing well with what he’s got, which is a surprise as it’s basically the same stuff he’s always done.

 

7. Most Inspirational Wrestler of the Year

 

Winner: Jerry Lawler. The man had a heart attack live on Raw and was back two months later. There was no other option here and there shouldn’t be.

 

8. Rookie of the Year

 

Winner: Ryback. This of course depends on what your definition of a rookie is. In the WWE sense of the word, it’s hard to say anyone had a better first year than this guy. He went from squashing jobbers to what would have been three world title matches in a row on PPV. He had me believing something could happen….and then they screwed it up because Rock had to have his title match announced six months in advance but whatever. Anyway, Ryback had an awesome year, but I don’t see much brightness in his near future.

 

Other: Antonio Cesaro. This is for you traditionalists out there. Cesaro was the only newcomer who didn’t have experience in WWE (remember that Sandow was on Smackdown for a few months back in like 2006/7). He went from debuting to screwing Aksana to US Champion to getting to be the main villain on Tribute to the Troops. For a guy who debuted back in April, that’s quite a year.

 

9. PPV of the Year

 

Winner: Wrestlemania. It had three of the ten best matches of the year and almost nothing bad going on at all. We also set up a bunch of stuff throughout the rest of the year, had some great matches, and had a match that was literally built up over a year. I had an absolute blast watching this and it still holds up today. Oh and it made more money than any pay per view ever. Wrestlemania wins.

 

Other: Extreme Rules. Yeah they were mainly rematches, but DANG they were some good rematches. This show is almost always fun as we redo Wrestlemania but with gimmicks instead. Throw in Brock vs. Cena in a WAR and it’s hard not to like this show a lot. Things went downhill from here, but they were pretty high up before they started going the other way.

 

10. Worst PPV of the Year

 

Winner: Survivor Series. Nothing happened, the main event was thrown together after announcing a different one the week before, and none of the matches were particularly great. Oh and it’s one of the worst drawing shows ever.

 

Other: Final Resolution. This is basically the TNA version of Survivor Series as it was more or less a house show with nothing significant happening. At the end of the year it felt like both companies were just trying to get to January, and that makes for some BAD PPVs.

 

11. Surprise of the Year

 

Winner: Brodus Clay is the Funkasaurus. Let’s think back to this for a minute. For weeks and weeks, we had been told that Brodus Clay was coming. We knew what Brodus looked like and we knew that he was a monster. Then we heard Lillian say “From Planet Funk”, and everyone collectively said “HUH?” Clay then danced out in a freaking track suit, complete with hot dancing girls, dancing to Ernest Miller’s old theme music. I’ve seen a lot of things in my time watching wrestling, but I NEVER would have guessed that was coming. That’s what I call a surprise.

 

Other: 18 Seconds. It’s the world title at Wrestlemania. You expect that to break 30 seconds don’t you?

 

12. Best Angle of the Year

 

Winner: Daniel Bryan and Kane go to Anger Management. I’ve talked about this one a lot, but man alive is it funny stuff. When I first heard this was coming, I rolled my eyes and thought it sounded awful. Then Kane launched Josh Matthews through the air looking for Bryan, and things got great. The promo by Kane where he lists off his history is still hilarious and these two never stop being funny together. Also, for probably the only time I can remember in years, WWE timed this PERFECTLY, giving them the tag titles almost immediately instead of waiting three months when the angle would have slowed down.

 

Other: Joseph Park and the Search For Abyss. This one works for me because of Park’s acting. Honestly, if I didn’t know that it was the same guy, I don’t know how long they could have gone before I figured it out. That’s how good Park is in this role of Joseph. The comedy has been great, the matches have been entertaining, but above all else, Park’s acting has been outstanding. The stuff he does in the ring where he looks like he has no idea what he’s doing is amazing, because there’s so much stuff in wrestling you can’t unlearn. This is one of the bright spots for TNA this year.

 

13. Worst Angle of the Year

 

Winner: Cena and AJ Sitting in a Tree. This is #1 for one reason: it came after Clair Lynch. There’s no arguing that this was a straight copy of Clair Lynch’s story in TNA, which means that someone thought that story was actually GOOD ENOUGH TO BE RIPPED OFF. I’ll give TNA points for trying something and having it fail, but in this case WWE ripped off a terrible idea and somehow made it even more boring by having it go on as long as it did.

 

Other: Clair Lynch/AJ Styles. It was stupid, it went on too long, the woman who it was centered on left because apparently she couldn’t handle people not liking her and wasn’t a fan of being on a wrestling show. I’ll hold myself back from going on a rant about how pathetic I find that and go with this story SUCKED, but at least it came first.

 

14. Promo of the Year

 

Winner: Bully Ray (Destined For Greatness – No Surrender). This one works for a few reasons, but the number one of all is that it was done by Bully Ray. I mean….BULLY RAY? Really? The promo is right before the finals of the Bound for Glory Series, where Ray has the chance to go to the main event of the biggest show of the year for the first time in his career. He said that the other participants may be bound for glory, but he was destined for greatness. This promo alone basically turned him face and he’s been on a roll ever since. You know what? I’m reversing these two. Ray deserves it more.

 

Other: Daniel Bryan/Kane (Anger Management – Raw). This is the kind of promo that we need to see in wrestling more often. This was a promo from outside of the arena, which is where great comedy can come from. It gives you a reminded of how absolutely insane wrestling is when you really stop to think about it. Kane listing off the history of his character is some of the funniest stuff you’ll ever hear, and the reactions from “non-wrestlers” are great.

 

15. Moment of the Year

 

Winner: HHH/Undertaker/Shawn Michaels embrace after HIAC (Wrestlemania 28). You don’t often get to say this, but this moment was four years in the making. This was the culmination of four excellent (ok so the WM 27 match wasn’t excellent but it sounds better than three excellent matches and one very good match) matches between three guys who time has passed. The match was the perfect ending and the hug at the end summed up the years amazingly well.

 

Other: Brock Lesnar Returns (Raw after Wrestlemania). This is ruined by one thing: the fans knew he was coming. The fans started chanting WE WANT LESNAR and then here he is. If I remember right this was spoiled earlier in the day which holds back the surprise. You can’t factor in the stuff that came after it, but just having Lesnar back even for a little while was absolutely shocking and made you realize we were in for a big summer.

 

So that’s it. If you want my take on anything else, ask in the comments.

 

Merry Christmas,

KB

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 20, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Championship Thursday, meaning we’ve got three title matches in a single night. The Knockouts Title, the TV Title and the World Title are all on the line tonight, because this monthly show is on par with a $40 PPV they just had. Other than that we’re likely to get more of the Hogans arguing over Bully Ray because that’s the focus of Impact anymore. WWE turned it up this week so TNA needs to follow suit. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard recap of last week’s show. The hosts talk about the show tonight also.

TV Title: Kurt Angle vs. D-Von

D-Von is defending and Angle has a bad ankle due to an attack last week/a legit groin injury. Angle brings out his own guys to counter Aces and 8’s in the form of Garrett, Wes and Joe. Angle gets behind D-Von to start but can’t snap off the suplex. Instead it’s a clothesline to take the champion down as Angle can’t move very well right now. D-Von is sent to the floor and the backup guys get in a big brawl while Angle waits on him to come back. All of the guys on the floor are ejected, but in the melee D-Von chop blocks Angle.

We take a break and come back with D-Von holding a basic leg lock on Angle but Kurt grabs the rope. D-Von cannonballs down on the leg ala Flair for two. That’s not old school enough for him though as it’s a Funk spinning toe hold now. Another chop block keeps Angle in trouble as Todd talks about the power struggle. What power? Aces and 8’s have the lowest title on the roster and that’s it.

Angle hits a middle rope missile dropkick to put both guys down, followed by some clotheslines. The overhead belly to belly gets two but D-Von escapes the Angle Slam and hits a really lame spinebuster for two. Angle starts rolling Germans and puts on the ankle lock, but here are Aces and 8’s again. Kurt’s three guys come out to counter them and in the distraction, the big masked man hits Angle in the back with a pipe so D-Von can retain the title at 11:08.

Rating: D+. Angle was hobbled here and that left D-Von to carry the match. That doesn’t make for an entertaining match as D-Von just isn’t good enough to hang with Kurt, even if he’s injured. On top of that, this still does nothing for Aces and 8’s. At the end of the day, it’s still D-Von. That doesn’t make anyone care at all.

Time for the Knockouts deliberation which is an excuse to have Brooke on TV more. ODB is thrown out because she has an injured husband.

Kenny King says he won last week and that’s all that matters. They’ll make good partners tonight though.

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan vs. Rob Van Dam/Kenny King

Does Morgan plan to do anything with that robe or is it just there for now? Van Dam and Joey start things off with the champion (Van Dam) kicking Joey down. The standing moonsault gets two and it’s off to King. Morgan comes in and kicks King’s head off before it’s back to Ryan for his non-existent offense. Matt smacks King in the back of the head before it’s back to Ryan. King sunset flips him out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to RVD. King and Van Dam dropkick Morgan down and kick Ryan as well, but Kenny bails when confronted by Morgan. Matt kicks Rob’s head off to give Ryan the pin at 4:55.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here for the most part, but Ryan would be the outlier. He’s so useless and is only there for the occasional sight gag on a commercial. He’s another indy guy that has done nothing of note once he’s gotten to the main stage. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that he owned the only company he did well in too.

We recap AJ’s speech last week.

Kazarian doesn’t care about AJ but likes that we’re five days from Christmas. He has a surprise for the fans.

Here’s Hulk for his weekly chat. He can’t believe how awesome this company is anymore and talks about how there’s going to be voting for the Impact Wrestler of the Year with Jeff Hardy being announced on January 3. Oh wait I mean the winner, which only could be Jeff Hardy. It’s not like he’s going to destroy everyone else in voting or anything. Anyway here’s Aces and 8’s to protest. D-Von says that this was Aces and 8’s year and says that next year will be as well. The bikers start to get in the ring but Bully Ray runs out for the save with his chain. D-Von says Ray is next. Hogan still won’t shake Ray’s hand.

Hardy is ready for Aries. Thankfully he says this instead of thinking it.

Tessmacher gets eliminated in another stupid Knockouts segment.

Here’s Kaz with some presents for Daniels. There’s a Christmas Tree in the ring with a picture of Daniels and Kaz on top. “That tree has TWO stars on it!” Daniels is brought out with an appletini and a scarf to sit on a throne. Kaz brings out Santa who is rather slim here. They give Santa some Zumbz pants in a funny bit. Santa asks Daniels if he’s been a good boy this year. Daniels says he got rid of the biggest loser in TNA and wants to use his Christmas wish on Styles’ kids, because their dad is so worthless.

Cue Storm who says he doesn’t like hearing these guys run down Christmas. Kaz says put him on the naughty list, which draws Daniels into the ring. Santa says hold it and Storm doesn’t think he’s the real Kris Kringle. If he’s the real Santa, why didn’t Storm get a real Red Ryder BB gun when he was six. Santa: “I’m the real Santa.” Storm: “Shut up.” Storm wants to know what he asked for last Christmas and Santa comes up with a Travis Tritt CD. Actually he wanted a case of beer, so here’s a superkick for Santa. Storm throws DVDs to the fans.

Aries asks if you could hear it. Apparently no one can hear his thoughts, but tonight he’ll prove he’s the best in the universe.

1-3-13 is Sting. Ok then.

Aces and 8’s gets yelled at by their boss for letting Bully Ray keep Hogan from getting his beating. D-Von says he has someone that can fix this and says they can be here next week. A vote says ok do it.

Mickie gets the shot.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

Mickie grabs a bunch of quick rollups for two each but Jesse trips her up to give Tara control. A hair beal gets two and Tara pounds away a bit. She pulls on Mickie’s face and whips her into the corner with authority. Whose authority that is I’m not sure but she certainly had it. The spinning side slam is countered into a headscissors but the referee is with Jesse. A powerslam gets two for the champion but Mickie slams her down to get a breather.

They slug it out from their knees and Mickie hits a sloppy jumping DDT for two. Jesse and Tara try to leave, so Mickie dives on Jesse off the top. Jesse interferes AGAIN, allowing Tara to hit something like an atomic drop which bends Mickie’s knee back for the pin to retain at 7:00. Oh ok it was a facebuster.

Rating: D+. This started ok and then fell apart at the end. I had a hard time keeping up with what was going on in the ring, and in a match this simple that should never be the case. Nothing to see here as this match literally happened less than two weeks ago. Why would I want to see it again?

Joseph Park is still training in OVW and he’s still really bad at it. Joseph: “THAT HURT!” Danny Davis: “Do you know why that hurt? BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID!” He sees blood coming out of his mouth though and turns into Abyss, killing his training partner with a Black Hole Slam.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Hardy is defending. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking it into the corner. Aries slams him down but the slingshot hilo hits knees. Jeff pounds away in the corner and the challenger chills on the floor. Back in and Aries hits a running elbow to the face for two but Aries’ brainbuster is blocked. We head back to the floor where Hardy misses a dive into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Aries getting two off a slingshot hilo. Aries pounds away for a bit more until Hardy gets a boot up. The champ dives into a boot though and we’re right back where we started. A front suplex puts Austin down but Aries comes back with a forearm and a running dropkick in the corner for two. The brainbuster is escaped again so Hardy hits a backwards facebuster out of a powerbomb for two. In other words imagine a powerbomb lift but Hardy keeps rotating Aries backwards so that his face slams into the mat.

Hardy hits the Twisting Stunner but can’t cover fast enough. Aries gets an elbow up in the corner and tells the referee he sucks. He jumps into an atomic drop but manages to kick Jeff into the referee. A low blow stops Hardy and Aries FINALLY hits the brainbuster. In a cool ending, Aries covers Hardy but Roode pulls the referee out. Bobby counts two and as Aries turns around, he gets a big spinebuster from Roode. The Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton to retain at 18:05.

Rating: B-. These two have chemistry together and it sets up the three way match even more, or at least Roode vs. Aries. It would seem like Roode is turning, but I think he’s going to be much more of a tweener than an actual face, which is the right move for him. Good match here and a nice ending to a bad show.

Hogan says he’s going to fix the title picture and says Aces and 8’s is the real distraction. He says not to worry about Brooke and Bully, but sees the two of them kissing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show didn’t really do much for me. These Championship Thursday shows are never anything of note because NOTHING EVER CHANGES. It’s just a title match but when you never see a title CHANGE, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s pretty clear we’re headed for a three way at Genesis, which is ok but it doesn’t really do much for me. The idea of someone new in Aces and 8’s next week might help a bit, but it needs to be someone who is actually able to challenge the big names. As usual, nothing has changed as of ten PM on a Thursday night, which is getting old.

Results

D-Von b. Kurt Angle – Pin after a masked man hit Angle with a pipe

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan b. Kenny King/Rob Van Dam – Carbon Footprint to Van Dam

Tara b. Mickie James – Facebuster

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews