Impact Wrestling – January 26, 2017: Transfusion Please
Impact Wrestling Date: January 26, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
Tonight is billed as Genesis, which is likely to be another show that doesn’t really add anything special but will be treated like something interesting while still being a normal show. We’ll throw in two title matches with Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards in an Iron Man match and Rosemary vs. Jade in a Monster’s Ball match. Let’s get to it.
Here are the Hardys with something to say. Matt, who sounds like he has a very sore throat, talks about Brother Nero (There was a video on YouTube where Matt freed Jeff from being Brother Nero. Are we not even following TNA’s own continuity here?) winning the #1 case last week. Jeff thinks he might win the World Title again but Matt has a big idea: going around the world and winning all the Tag Team Titles they can (as revealed to him in a pre-mo-nition as he and his family ate Senor Benjamin’s green beans by the Lake of Reincarnation).
Cue the DCC to imply they’ll be cashing in their Race for the Case match against the Hardys next week. Before any violence can take place, here’s Decay. Crazzy Steve suggests a triple threat for tonight and the DCC immediately agrees. Matt says that even though these are some rude blokes, the match is on.
Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. DCC vs. Decay
The Hardys are defending. Joined in progress with the DCC working over Steve as the announcers talk about Don West’s insane deals. The hot tag brings in Abyss and LET’S PLUG SCHITT’S CREEK! Jeff comes back in and drops Abyss but the DCC takes over on him in the corner. That means James Storm can distract Matt so a non-tag can take place. Everything breaks down and Kingston gives Matt an STO for two. Steve mists Kingston and it’s a Twist of Fate to retain the titles at 7:00.
Rating: D+. TNA puts James Storm in an interesting/cool looking gimmick and the solution is to put him in a team going after the Tag Team Titles because that’s all James Storm is allowed to do. That man left TNA for this nonsense? Anyway, this is turning into New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson/Cesaro and Sheamus: we know the champs can beat them and they’ve beaten these guys so often that it’s getting really boring. I know TNA is incapable of making new stars but is one fresh team that hard to pull off?
Laurel Van Ness makes Braxton Sutter take her to dinner. Apparently they’re at a restaurant, which looks so fake that I didn’t realize that’s where they were supposed to be until Laurel ordered a glass of wine.
Here’s Drew Galloway to talk about how much he wants the Grand Championship to be the top title around here. That means an open challenge.
Grand Championship: Drew Galloway vs. Moose
Drew is defending and Josh asks how ironic this is. Uh, a guy who got screwed out of a title last week answering an open challenge isn’t ironic you stupid man. Moose goes right at him to start and hits something like a powerbomb. A moonsault almost completely misses but is still good for two. Moose sends him outside and the fight is on with Moose easily getting the better of it. Galloway gets dropped on the barricade and Moose wins round one.
That’s enough to send the champ walking up the ramp but he comes back in to start round two. The middle rope chokebomb and the Game Changer get two each but Drew kicks him low again, meaning Galloway loses a point. The Claymore connects for two so Drew shoves the referee down and kicks Moose low again, setting up the Futureshock to retain at 6:46.
Rating: D. You know, this whole “YOU’RE LOSING A POINT” thing might mean something if more than one match in the history of this title actually went to a judges’ decision. This points system thing is a big waste of time and the title really could have been just a TV Title but that was like three names ago.
Laurel continues to be a blithering idiot and Sutter drinks a lot of wine to cope.
Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Jade
Rosemary is defending but Jade dives at her to take over. Some kendo stick shots to the back have Jade in trouble but she blocks a suplex onto the thumbtacks. Instead, Jade whips her in the back with a belt before the German suplex puts Rosemary into the tacks. Jade gets smart by blocking the mist with a trashcan lid, which she kicks into the champ’s face for two. It’s time for the barbed wire board and a release STO makes Rosemary scream again. That means it’s time for a regular table but Jade takes too much time going up top, setting up a superplex to drive Jade through for the pin at 9:25.
Rating: B. Jade is a great example of someone with a lot of talent that TNA has given us no reason to care about. Tell me two things about her character other than she used to be in the Dollhouse. She’s entertaining in the ring and I’ve seen far worse performers but there’s just no connection to her, which is the case with most of the roster.
Gail Kim comes out to check on Jade and Rosemary mists her.
Laurel offers some post dinner shenanigans to Braxton but he goes to find the check. With Braxton gone, Laurel calls Maria to tell her it’s going great.
Caleb Konley is making his debut and got his start watching wrestling his entire life.
X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley
DJZ is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Josh’s brilliant insight: “DJZ would love to successfully defend his X-Division Championship.” Everyone brawls with everyone to start and then, in what might be the dumbest, most contrived spot I’ve ever see, we get a Human Centipede style elevated DDT with three people grabbing someone’s head back to back until DJZ grabs a running neckbreaker to drive everyone down.
That’s the kind of ridiculous stuff that makes it so clear that everyone is working together because there is NO WAY that could work otherwise. Everyone hits a bunch of dives and the Helms Dynasty starts working together, only to get in a fight over who gets to cover. The ZDT to Everett retains DJZ’s title at 4:21.
Rating: D. Words cannot describe how sick I am of this kind of match. It’s a big mess of a match with no story, no psychology, that STUPID multi-man DDT that I’m sure they thought was the coolest thing in the world (or better yet, someone might make a YouTube reaction video about it) and the same challengers we’ve seen over and over again, plus one new name who we heard about for all of five seconds.
The Helms Dynasty Pillmanizes DJZ’s leg.
Edwards asks Davey Richards to let him defend the title on his own. Davey agrees but doesn’t look happy.
Open Fight Night video.
The Hardys go over some possible matches for Jeff’s Race for the Chase match. He doesn’t care for the idea of winning the X-Division Title because it would only feed his addiction so DELETE. Rosemary and Ricky Morton are deleted as well but Matt has a pre-mo-nition showing him who Jeff will pick.
TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley
Lashley is challenging in a thirty minute Iron Man match. Lashley starts fast with a delayed vertical suplex but Eddie avoids the spear and kicks him out to the floor. Back in and Lashley gets two off a slam and we take a break. Lashley is still in control when we come back and the spear gives him the first fall at 8:40.
The slow pace continues as Lashley hammers away, only to get caught in a Blue Thunder Bomb. A half crab doesn’t do much damage to Lashley so he throws Eddie over the top with a release belly to belly suplex. Lashley powerbombs him on the ramp for a countout at 14:25 to make it 2-0.
With the referee checking on Eddie, Lashley takes off a turnbuckle pad. For no apparent reason, Lashley keeps going to the ropes and knocking Eddie off the apron as this just keeps going. Back from a second break with Lashley missing a spear and going into the exposed buckle, allowing Eddie to grab a rollup for a fall at 22:20.
They head to the ramp again with Lashley loading up a release German suplex, only to have Edwards flip out onto his feet. There’s the Boston Knee Party but Eddie has to very slowly crawl back to the ring. Lashley dives in at nine to beat the count but it’s another Boston Knee Party to tie things up at 24:03. A few seconds later JB says we have five minutes left as they’re actually closer than I was expecting.
Lashley gets two off another spear, which of course is followed by a third Boston Knee Party for two more. Eddie’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb and Lashley grabs a side choke to make Eddie tap at 26:40 to go up 3-2 with just over three minutes to go. Lashley goes outside to yell at Pope and says he’s already won. That means another suicide dive to take Lashley out and Eddie grabs a guillotine with 51 seconds left. Of course time runs out (at 29:33) to give Lashley the title back.
Rating: D+. The wrestling was fine enough but this DID NOT need to be a thirty minute match in any way, shape or form. There was way too much laying around and so much of that is due to there being no reason for these two to still be fighting. TNA is desperately needing some fresh blood in their main event scene, which has what, four people at most right now? Seriously: Edwards, Lashley, Carter and……I guess Hardy? Assuming he goes for the World Title again? Give us something fresh already.
Overall Rating: D. This is the worst kind of show you can have: not absolutely horrible but so painfully uninteresting that I lost any semblance of caring about halfway through. These matches all just felt like they were going by with no interest or caring, which has long plagued this company. What are we looking at going forward? Gail Kim, Jeff Hardy and Trevor Lee as the challengers to titles? A heel midcard champion who keeps cheating to retain the title? It feels like we’ve been here for years now and that’s not enough to make me care enough. Really dull show here and that’s not a good sign whatsoever.
Results
Hardys b. DCC and Decay – Twist of Fate to Kingston
Drew Galloway b. Moose – Futureshock
Rosemary b. Jade – Superplex through a table
DJZ b. Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley – ZDT to Everett
Lashley b. Eddie Edwards three falls to two
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
This is always a trick one to define. Sometimes there are stories that mean something outside of the ring and often times, those are even bigger stories than anything between the ropes. There were a fair few stories like that this year and for once they don’t all pertain to WWE. These stories are in no particular order and hopefully we have more to pick from next year.
1. Hulk Hogan vs. Gawker
Let’s talk about Hulk Hogan’s sex tape. While the story broke a long time ago, the trial itself actually took place in 2016 and saw Hogan eventually awarded a $31 million settlement which resulted in Gawker closing its doors. Hogan wasn’t exactly shown in the best light but at least it struck a blow for privacy instead of celebrities having their privacy invaded.
Unfortunately it resulted in Hogan basically being removed from WWE programming and anything associated with it. That’s really not the most surprising reaction as the idea of having Hogan shown in a sex tape isn’t exactly the most PG thing in the world. Hopefully we see Hogan back in WWE soon enough, though hopefully with him wearing pants.
2. Billy Corgan Kicked Out of TNA
Just…..wow. So basically TNA was out of money (again) and Billy Corgan offered to loan/give them money to survive through their next TV tapings on multiple occasions. Now here’s the amazing part: he actually WANTED SOMETHING IN RETURN. Yes indeed: a multimillionaire who has several business ventures actually hoped to gain something out of another investment.
Well that’s what Dixie Carter thought was ridiculous, eventually calling Corgan a “predatory lender”. Corgan would be thrown out of TNA with his money back and absolutely no authority in the long term because TNA is ridiculous enough to act like this. There’s a reason they come off as the joke of the wrestling world and this is a great example. Maybe Anthem can help things but this came off as horrible and there’s little other way to spin it.
3. New Japan Talent Comes to WWE
So you remember back in the day where WCW and WWE would steal each other’s talent over and over? Well that’s kind of what’s happening now but WWE took some of the big names. Just after Wrestle Kingdom X on January 4, Shinsuke Nakamura, AJ Styles, Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson all jumped to WWE, making it one of the biggest signing periods in WWE history.
This really is a big deal as WWE replenished their roster in one swoop and also punched their only major international competition in the face at the same time. Styles became one of the top stars in the company in his first year and Nakamura seems primed for a main roster run in 2017. It was a huge moment and changed the way WWE looked for a long time to come.
4. UK Championship Tournament and Potential for More
If there’s one thing WWE has seemed interested in doing lately, it’s expanding internationally. On top of that, they love the idea of expanding content on the WWE Network. By running this tournament, they were able to do that in one move. WWE ran a UK Title tournament in Blackpool, England which seemed to open the door for some UK content airing on the Network.
While the tournament was a success, it also seems to have planted the seeds for other tournaments going forward. I know they might not be on the same level as WWE but there are a lot of independent promotions out there which could be major players on the WWE Network. Just imagine one of them getting a weekly spot on the Network going forward. That’s a huge upgrade and opens a massive audience that had never seen them before. It’s certainly something I would check out which I wouldn’t do otherwise.
5. Goldberg Returns
While this was almost certainly tied in with the new WWE video game, it’s still a huge deal that changed several things for WWE. Like having him beat Brock Lesnar in less than two minutes for example. Goldberg was one of the big free agents out there who could wind up being a major player in WWE and that’s what he’s been in one match over the course of several months.
The WWE video game reveal has been a fun day to look forward to every year and that’s what we had here. It’s gotten to the point where someone who is put on the front of a video game gets to appear in WWE, which means we get a major match as a reward. I’m still not sure on Goldberg beating Lesnar like that but at least he gave us a major moment.
6. Shane McMahon Returns
Now this was a big one. I mean, Goldberg wasn’t exactly expected but this was in the range of WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED. As soon as Shane’s music hit, you knew something was changing in a hurry and it made a lot of people very interested to see where it was going. While the story wasn’t all that great, the initial surprise certainly was and that’s important.
This was a big deal because Shane had been gone for so long. It really felt like he was out of the company for good but now things seem to have changed again. I don’t think Shane has any authority behind the scenes but he’s always been the one who felt like he could change things in a much better way. Granted I don’t think that’s going to happen but at least it was a great moment and gave us something to think about.
This might not be the best year in the world for wrestling news stories but it’s definitely the New Japan guys. That’s the kind of story that changes things in two companies and two different wrestling worlds. Those names could all be major players in WWE (Styles already is) and could help WWE expand into other areas of the world.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – January 19, 2017: Here We Go Again
Impact Wrestling Date: January 19, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
The more things change, the more they stay the same. In the staying the same category, Lashley is yet again the #1 contender to Eddie Edwards’ World Title as those two have been feuding for months now. In the changing category, Feast or Fired has been changed into Race for the Chase, which has some unique rules but is still a four briefcase ladder match. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Lashley becoming #1 contender again last week.
Race for the Case
Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Mahabali Shera, Crazzy Steve, Trevor Lee, Eli Drake, Jesse Godderz, Kingston, Bram, Mike Bennett, Tyrus
The idea here is there are four cases with numbers inside. Starting with #1, the four winners can pick whatever match they want, though matches can’t be repeated (meaning all four can’t pick to fight for the World Title or to have a cage match). Jeff is still listed as Brother Nero, despite Matt freeing him from that name a few weeks ago.
Of course it’s a wild brawl to start with everyone going for a case instead of just waiting around for someone else to be busy. Tyrus comes in and starts throwing suplexes, allowing Drake to pull down the red briefcase. Pope doesn’t understand the rules as everyone keeps brawling on the floor.
Lee stomps Bennett in the chest and runs up to grab the blue briefcase. Lee dives off the top onto everyone else and escapes with his case, leaving Bennett to pull Steve down. We take a break and come back with Steve being thrown to the floor as Josh gets to say “playing defense” for the tenth time in the match. Bennett superkicks Matt but everyone keeps cutting everyone else off.
Steve starts cleaning house but Matt has a pre-mo-neetion telling him to get the green case. That sends everyone after it though, leaving Godderz to go for the gold case, which falls right into the hands of the DCC. Well Kingston that is but the DCC is credited with securing it. Matt takes Bennett out and Jeff gets the green case to end the match at 13:03.
Rating: D+. I never know how to grade something like this as it’s just chaos with the real entertainment coming later on when we get to the reveal. I mean, it’s basically still Feast or Fired with Josh talking about how various people can challenge for various title shots which just happen to line up with the division they would usually compete in. Eh at least it felt a bit fresh though and that’s a good thing.
Here’s a clip of Drew Galloway debuting for the sake of setting up his Grand Championship shot later tonight. Uh, maybe we should show him in the Grand Championship Tournament instead of something from years ago?
We see Moose’s debut as well, which gets the same question.
Drew Galloway wants the Grand Championship instead of the World Title.
Lashley has a proposition for Edwards.
Another video on Lashley vs. Carter from last week.
Lashley comes to the ring and says there’s nothing stopping him from facing Eddie Edwards for the World Title. That means a challenge to Eddie, who comes out and says he’d love to face Lashley anywhere anytime. Eddie wants to know the grand plan so Lashley rips on him for winning the title and defending it via flukes. Lashley’s big idea is a thirty minute Iron Man match and the champ says it’s on. The brawl starts and Davey Richards comes out for the save.
Maria calls Braxton Sutter and tells him to see her when he gets to the arena. Brooke comes in and tells Maria to stay out of her business.
Brooke vs. Deonna Purrazzo
Madison Rayne is on commentary again with that annoying voice. Purrazzo has been everywhere as of late, appearing on NXT, Smackdown and Ring of Honor in recent weeks and months. Rayne talks about these two fighting three years ago on a One Night Only show so I guess this is a rematch? Does that qualify as major in TNA? We hear about Brooke’s reality show as she takes Purrazzo down and puts on a Muta Lock minus the leg tie. Deonna knees her in the face and shouts a lot, earning herself a flapjack into a not great nipup. The Tesshocker ends Purrazzo at 4:39.
Rating: D. Was anyone missing Brooke? I mean, it’s not like the division doesn’t need the extra help but the bad theme song (making her the female Billy Gunn) feels way out of place with how far women’s wrestling has come in recent years. Brooke isn’t a bad thing to have back but the whole division is such a wreck that she might help a lot.
Post match Sienna lays Brooke out.
Tyrus tells us to stay tuned for the briefcase reveal.
Sutter comes up to see Maria and they talk about Allie, who still works for Maria. She wants Braxton to quit training Allie and whispers something in his ear, which seems to get to him. Now he agrees to quit training her and Maria sends him off to find Laurel. My goodness GET TO THE END OF THIS STORY ALREADY.
It’s time for Fact of Life with Tyrus doing a long intro for Eli (“He loves his mother and is a stand up Republican.”) before explaining the rules for Race for the Chase. Drake goes first and has case #4, which is last place. After taking time to decide who speaks for the DCC (which no one winds up doing), they get case #2.
Lee is impressed with the quality of the desk and we get some comedy until Tyrus offers Lee a trade: one briefcase for another, plus a shirt. Lee wants some of Tyrus’ clothes so the deal is off. Trevor can’t open the briefcase so Tyrus does it for him, revealing case #3, meaning Jeff gets #1. Jeff doesn’t know who he’s fighting but they’ll fade away and classify themselves as obsolete.
We look at Galloway winning the World Title, which again has NOTHING to do with what he’s doing tonight.
Moose beat Mike Bennett at Bound For Glory.
Braxton breaks up with Allie and ends their training.
Here are Rockstar Spud and Aron Rex with Rex coming out to the Hallelujah chorus which is in no way shape or form copying his WWE character. Robbie E. comes out before Rex, now in flesh colored trunks and lipstick, can say anything. It’s time for a tag match.
Robbie E./Swoggle vs. Aron Rex/Rockstar Spud
Swoggle and Spud get things started with Josh talking about Schitt’s Creek which is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. Spud sends Swoggle into the corner and it’s off to Rex for some chatting. Swoggle grabs his foot so Rex screams that he’s being touched and tags Rex back in. A GTS drops Spud and it’s off to Robbie so things can speed up. Everything breaks down and Swoggle does a Stinkface because this is your comedy of the match. Spud hits Swoggle with the loaded ring and Rex gets the pin at 4:16.
Rating: D-. See, Rex is effeminate and therefore funny. Ignore the fact that it’s not funny of course because this is what passes for comedy around here. Somehow this is an improvement over Rex’s previous character (Did he have a character?) though, which continues to prove the point that Rex isn’t that interesting and needed a character like the one he complained about having in WWE.
We look at Galloway’s heel turn.
We FINALLY get to something Grand Championship related with Moose winning the title from Rex.
Video on Rosemary vs. Jade in the cage to set up next week’s Monster’s Ball match.
Sutter has to escort Laurel out and open the door for her.
Video on the Grand Championship tournament.
Grand Championship: Moose vs. Drew Galloway
Moose is defending and Drew gets a jobber’s entrance. But we had time to look at Drew’s debut against the Beat Down Clan? Drew clotheslines him down to start so Moose nips up. A chop off goes nowhere so Drew grabs a piledriver for two. Another slugout wraps up the first round, which goes to Drew.
Round two starts after a break with both guys hitting big boots and Drew scoring with something like a Death Valley Driver onto the apron. Moose powerbombs him onto the apron as well but misses a middle rope moonsault. Galloway grabs the Iron Maiden but Moose hangs on for about forty five seconds to end the round.
That round actually goes to Moose for reasons of pure drama as the announcers bury the judges. It says a lot when I completely agree with Josh and Pope but it’s true here. They trade failed finishers and kick each other in the face to no avail. Drew gets dropkicked out of the air but he kicks Moose low, which isn’t a DQ but rather a point deduction. So these matches are No DQ? Shouldn’t that have been mentioned at some point? Not that it matters as Drew hits the Claymore as soon as the referee restarts the match for the pin and the title at 14:08.
Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse endings but they couldn’t have Moose kick out of the first kick and then lose? If nothing else this just shows how overcomplicated the rules are as they really could get by with just a basic TV Title with a ten minute time limit but that’s not revolutionary enough or something. Drew is a good choice for champion and there’s nothing wrong with putting the title on him here when he was too banged up to get it in the first place.
Drew mocks the judges to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This really was a change of pace but unfortunately the show went from bad to really just boring. As is so often the case, TNA doesn’t understand how to wrap up a story and so many of them (Lashley vs. Edwards, Maria vs. Allie, the Hardys, though less so in their case) just keep going far beyond the point of interest. The wrestling was few and far between tonight and the first match is barely wrestling in the first place. It’s certainly not the worst show in the world but, again, this doesn’t give me hope for the new direction TNA is going in.
Results
Eli Drake, Trevor Lee, DCC and Jeff Hardy won Race for the Case
Brooke b. Deonna Purrazzo – Tesshocker
Aron Rex/Rockstar Spud b. Robbie E./Swoggle – Ring to the head
Drew Galloway b. Moose – Claymore
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – January 12, 2017: The New Beginning of More of the Same
Impact Wrestling Date: January 12, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
It’s the second show of the Anthem Era and that means more talking about how Anthem is helping keep the show going. Eddie Edwards is still the World Champion after Davey Richards returned last week to help him retain the title in a triple threat match over Lashley and Ethan Carter III. Let’s get to it.
Josh and Pope welcome us to the show and run down tonight’s card.
The Hardys are ready for the Wolves tonight as the Tag Team Titles will be on the line. With less than one week’s build too.
Here’s Ethan Carter III to talk about Davey Richards costing him his World Title match at last week’s One Night Only Live pay per view. All he wanted was one clean title shot but Richards and a chair kept that from happening. Now he wants to invade Wolves Nation like Liam Neeson in the Gray.
Cue Lashley instead and he’s not pleased with Carter. If it were him last week, he would have caved in Eddie Edwards’ head with a chair and be out here with the title right now. Lashley suggests a last man standing match for the title tonight (assuming he means for the #1 contendership) so Carter asks the Anthem Owl on the turnbuckle. Carter wants the match right now and the fight is on in the aisle but it’s quickly broken up.
Lashley vs. Ethan Carter III
Last man standing with the winner getting the shot at Edwards at some point in the future. They brawl on the floor to start with Lashley hitting a powerslam on the concrete for seven, only to get slammed off the top, followed by a cutter. A suplex on the floor keeps Lashley down long enough for Ethan to set up two tables as we take a break.
Back with Lashley being sent into the corner and getting German suplexed out of it for four. A superplex doesn’t keep Lashley down either so he superplexes Carter for a long count. The spear gets seven on Carter so Lashley spears him again. The count last long enough that Lashley can set up a table in the corner.
Carter avoids a third spear and hits one of his own to put Lashley through the table but both are up at nine. Ethan just unloads on him with a chair but that’s still not enough. With nothing else working, Ethan grabs his rear naked choke but gets dropped off the apron through both tables. Both guys are down and only Lashley can beat the count for the win at 17:15.
Rating: B-. Good brawl but my goodness I’m bored seeing these two and Eddie fighting over the title. Lashley has been in the same spot for well over a year now and that’s not something I want to keep watching over and over again. It’s nice to have a good brawl like this instead of the same match but can we PLEASE get some fresh blood in the title picture?
Next week it’s Race for the Case (Feast or Fired) with the winners getting four matches the following week at Open Fight Night. So they’re having a gimmick match to set up a gimmick show in the span of two weeks.
Eli Drake has Tyrus grab a backstage worker and force him to read a prepared statement since the fans were glad that Eli wasn’t allowed to speak. Drake is going to get his revenge, starting by winning Race for the Case next week. He beats the guy up for not having enough emotion and Tyrus gets rid of the cameras.
Here’s Rockstar Spud in powder blue to introduce Aron Rex, who is now in a white fur coat in something like a Liberace gimmick (which Rex pitched to WWE for years but was never allowed to go through with it). Spud introduces him again once he’s in the ring so Rex can say everyone has paid to see him for years but they should never pay for him to do something as barbaric as fighting. The coat comes off and Rex now has flesh colored trunks so here’s Robbie E. to interrupt. The fight is quickly on and Rex uses the big rings to knock Robbie down. Rex puts the coat back on and says violence is never the answer.
The DCC is ready to take out Decay tonight. Kingston has fifteen years of memories of being told he’s too violent for this business but he knew his time had come when James Storm called him. Storm says DCC is for Death Crew Council.
Allie is in the back when Maria comes up to yell at her. Maria isn’t happy that Allie is still talking to Braxton Sutter but Allie says she’s done everything Maria has told her to do. Haven’t these two broken up like a million times now?
Decay vs. DCC
Storm is the odd man out here. It’s a big brawl to start (as it should be) with the DCC taking over off an Alabama Slam to Steve. Bram comes in for a clothesline as Josh runs through all the advertisements he can squeeze into a single match. The hot tag brings in Abyss and everything breaks down again with Steve diving onto Bram and Kingston. The match is thrown out for a double DQ at 5:11.
Rating: D+. That’s the right call as there’s only so much you can have these teams do before it gets out of hand. I’m glad the DCC didn’t lose here as they have potential, even though they’ve already lost a lot of their steam. But hey, at least they could be in Tag Team Apocalypto for a joke appearance, which is exactly the point of a team like them.
They keep brawling out of the arena.
The Wolves say tonight is special because they can get their titles back.
Brooke is back and thrilled to get back in the ring.
Mike Bennett vs. Braxton Sutter
Mike kicks him in the face to start and a Maria distraction keeps Bennett in control. Sutter makes an early comeback as we get a weak “we want Allie” chant. Maria grabs Sutter’s leg though and the Miracle in Progress connects. Before the cover though, Maria wants a kiss so here’s Allie to cut her off, allowing Sutter to grab a rollup for the pin at 5:04.
Rating: D. This was all about the storyline and there’s nothing wrong with that, save for the fact that Maria vs. Allie should have ended a long time ago but it’s still going. Sutter could be something interesting but I’m not sure if this is going to mean anything going forward, which is one of TNA’s biggest issues.
Post break, Maria yells about Allie screwing things up. Mike says Allie works for Maria so Maria can destroy her.
Rosemary comes out and says the Knockouts will all become part of the darkness but here’s Jade, now with short hair, to say they’re just getting started. She wants her rematch and Rosemary is very pleased. The match is accepted, as long as it can be Monster’s Ball. Jade agrees and stops an attack from behind. I’ll take Jade as a challenger, but I don’t believe for a second that it’s not just filler until Gail Kim comes back for another title run.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Hardys
The Hardys are defending. Matt and Davey get things going before it’s quickly off to Jeff for a dropkick. That goes nowhere so the World Champ comes in and gets double teamed to the mat as we take an early break. Back with Eddie getting in a neckbreaker but not being able to make the hot tag.
Instead it’s back to Matt who gives up the hot tag and gets caught in a Richards Figure Four. Jeff’s save is countered into an ankle lock at the same time before Davey cranks on Matt’s knee even more. The Wolves take over on Matt for a bit with some alternating stomps, only to have Jeff come in for another reset (Josh’s words).
A double Whisper in the Wind puts the Wolves down but Jeff gets caught in Chasing the Dragon for two. Davey misses the top rope double stomp and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for two with Richards making a save. Eddie dives onto Matt so there’s no one for whatever Davey wanted to set up, allowing Jeff to roll Richards up for the pin at 16:33.
Rating: B-. The match was fine but it’s the same problem TNA has been having with its booking for so long now: there’s no reason for this match to be happening other than they’re both great teams. There’s no animosity, no major story and nothing more than the Hardys saying DELETE DELETE DELETE over and over again to set it up. I’m sure if you look back to when the Wolves were around full time there might be a story but that has nothing to do with whatever else you can watch on Pop TV so Josh isn’t going to tell us about it. I’ve never been a fan of this booking style and it’s one of TNA’s favorites.
The Wolves argue to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. This show was all over the place and that’s not really a good thing. So many of these stories feel like they’ve been going on for months now (because they’ve been going on for months now) and that makes for some very tedious shows as the angles rarely advance. So now we’re getting Lashley vs. Edwards again because that’s something fresh and new. When you keep hyping up Anthem as the new owners and partners or whatever they’re billed as, it might be a nice idea to actually present something fresh instead of the Wolves reunion and Aron Rex as Liberace.
Results
Lashley b. Ethan Carter III – Carter was driven through two tables
DCC vs. Decay went to a Double DQ when all four brawled on the floor
Braxton Sutter b. Mike Bennett – Rollup
Hardys b. Wolves – Rollup to Richards
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – December 29, 2016: The Hardy Show
Impact Wrestling Date: December 29, 2016
Hosts: Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy
It’s been a full two weeks since we had a show all about the Hardys so let’s have a show all about the Hardys! Tonight it’s Matt and Jeff Hardy counting down the top Hardy moments of the year from the Hardy Compound in North Carolina. To be fair, the show has mostly been about the Hardys already so this isn’t the biggest shock in the world. Let’s get to it.
As usual, I’ll be posting the full versions of the matches unless the clips are very short.
We open with House Hardy singing the 12 Deletions of Christmas.
Matt receives a pre-mo-nition that we will know the gender of his new baby by the end of the show. First though, we’re going back to January 5.
TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III
The title is vacant coming in. Jeff and Tyrus agree to leave them alone, the latter of which isn’t cool with Ethan. It’s a brawl to start with Matt taking over on the floor to start and throwing Carter over the announcers’ table. Back in and neither finisher can hit but Carter gets two off a dropkick. A running neckbreaker sends Matt out to the apron and Ethan kicks him head first into the post for good measure.
Matt comes right back with a Side Effect for two though because his head will not die. Two more Side Effects get two more near fall but Ethan comes back with some TKO’s. A third TKO is countered into the Twist of Fate for two and the 1%er gets the same. There’s almost nothing between these big moves. Another Twist gets another two so Matt tries a super Twist of Fate, only to be countered into a super 1%er to give Carter the title back at 10:20.
Rating: C+. After three months, thirty two participants and a ton of hype, the final match isn’t even eleven minutes long. It’s not a bad match or anything and they were doing well with the drama, but after all the time and effort they put into this thing, there’s really no way you can have a ten minute match for the big blowoff. Way too short for what it needed to be here.
Matt and Senor Benjamin go to Jeff’s house, though Vanguard I crashes along the way…..because he’s drunk.
From January 19.
TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III
Carter is defending and this is last man standing. Matt jumps him during the big match intros but Carter spears him right back and hammers away. Hardy is quickly on the floor (some hero) and Ethan drives him into various objects for an early four. A suplex onto the ramp allows Ethan to set up a pair of tables. Matt puts Ethan on both of them but gets caught on the top with a right hand. Instead Matt suplexes him back inside and we take a break.
Back with a ladder in the ring and Matt scoring with the Side Effect. Matt gets another table but takes way too long setting up the ladder, allowing Carter to grab a Russian legsweep. The fans are split on who to cheer for her as Ethan goes up and splashes Matt through the table. Matt gets up and hits a quick Twist of Fate for about seven, followed by a low blow. Now the fans are booing Hardy and Matt isn’t pleased.
Ethan is up at seven so Matt gives him another Twist of Fate through one of the tables at ringside. That’s only good for a nine though so Matt puts a chair around Ethan’s neck for another Twist of Fate. Carter is bleeding from the mouth but gets up at nine again, only to fall at ten.
With nothing else working, Matt goes to his wife and gets a hammer out of her bag. Ethan ducks the death shot and hits Matt low, setting up a 1%er. Cue Tyrus to turn on Carter with a Big Ending, which gives Matt another nine count. Ok you’ve done the big heel spot and you did the turn. Just change the stupid title already. Ethan goes after Tyrus but Matt blasts him with the belt, finally giving him the win at 19:45.
Rating: C+. It’s a good brawl but yeah, you’re supposed to get hyped about a power alliance between a heel nostalgia act and the former Brodus Clay. I have no idea who they think this is supposed to appeal to but at the end of the day, this is their big idea to get people to watch. Is it any wonder why their audience has shrunk so much?
Our intrepid trio arrives at Jeff’s house but find Itchweeed. He’s invited over for later.
From April 19.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
I Quit for the Hardy name. Jeff headscissors him out of the corner to start and they clothesline each other a few times. Jeff can’t get the Twist of Fate so he puts on a Figure Four of all things to make Matt scream no a lot. The hold is turned over twice so here’s Rockstar Spud for the save, only to have Jeff powerbomb him with ease. Matt uses the distraction to knock his brother out to the floor where he pelts a chair at Jeff’s head to break up a dive.
We take a break and come back with Matt bending Jeff’s arm around the barricade but getting pulled into the steel for his efforts. They head into the production area with Jeff swinging a pipe to hit Matt’s ring bell before going up towards the rafters. Jeff slides down the railing with a chair to the head but Matt still won’t quit.
Matt gets knocked onto some cases so Jeff can climb a ladder, only to have Matt climb up and hit a Side Effect to drive him though a piece of barricade. Back up and Jeff grabs a choke to knock Matt out without him quitting. That’s fine with Jeff who goes way up on top of the set for a Swanton onto Matt through a table. The match is stopped at about 18:30 as medics take care of them both and we go off the air.
Rating: C+. So yeah, after all that, there’s no finish and we’re likely getting something else out of these two in weeks to come because they’re the real stars of the show. The big dive looked good but I really don’t need to see these two doing stuff like that anymore. It was entertaining fifteen years ago but now it feels like they’re stretching instead of entertaining.
From Slammiversary.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
Full Metal Mayhem (basically TLC with pins) and Matt’s wife introduces him as broken, meaning he has piano music. Jeff attacks in the aisle to start but Matt comes back with a bunch of weapons. A snap suplex puts Jeff down on the floor as Matt empties a trashcan full of weapons, which only allows Jeff to take over with some hard shots. Jeff crushes him with a ladder up against the post and drives him through a table (that’s not metal) for two.
Back in and Jeff puts a huge ladder completely across the ring with Matt on top for a top rope splash and another near fall. The Swanton hits knees though and Matt gets two of his own. Matt starts biting Jeff’s ear because a Mike Tyson reference seems appropriate here. A Side Effect on the apron knocks Jeff silly but Matt pulls out a keyboard because he’s broken. He bridges it between the apron and a piece of the barricade so Matt can powerbomb Jeff through the keyboard for two.
Matt puts Jeff on a table on the floor and climbs a ladder inside, only to have Jeff come in and send them both crashing into the turnbuckle. It’s Jeff up first with a basement dropkick for two, followed by the Twist of Fate. Ok that he did rip off from Matt. Now the Swanton connects for two more and they head outside next to two tables. Jeff gets another Twist of Fate through one of the tables for two as the fans aren’t really reacting since they’re waiting on the big spot. Matt is laid on the other table and Jeff Swantons off the top through him for the pin at 16:56.
Rating: B-. Uh, that’s it? That’s what they’ve dedicated the most time of any match to on TV? A decent TLC match with a KEYBOARD as the big spot? The ending was nothing special but I’d rather have it be a “safe” (by comparison at least) spot instead of Jeff jumping off the roof or whatever he was hinting at doing. Hopefully this wraps the whole thing up though as Matt really doesn’t need to do anything else, though I’m sure we’ll get another match because these two are MONEY. Like enough money for a Coke or something but it’s still MONEY.
From July 5, it’s Final Deletion.
Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy
This is outside and in the dark in somewhat rickety looking ring. Before the match, Matt tells the referee (who he makes sure is licensed) to count the pin or call the submission. Matt plays the violin (given to him by Antonio Stradivari, who died in 1737) to summon the enigma. Jeff rides up and Matt tells him to prepare for his deletion. We come back from a break where the gardener reads us a statement saying not to try this. It’s in Spanish but it’s a nice gesture.
They trade punches to start and the longest stretch without the camera cutting is about four seconds. Jeff superplexes Matt (slow motion) and gets two off a splash before pulling out what appear to be shutters covered in ivy. Matt goes through those for two as we have music playing instead of commentary. Matt takes over with a kendo stick to the back as this is only a match in the loosest of terms.
We’ve got a ladder less than two minutes in with Jeff being knocked back into the corner and choked with the rungs (Matt: “DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!”). The Side Effect onto the ladder is countered and Jeff hits a Twist of Fate before taking his shirt off. The Swanton gets two and Jeff puts the ladder on the middle rope. That’s not enough though as he climbs into a tree (yes a tree) and dives off, hitting only the ladder on the way down. That only gets two so Matt hits him with a chair and pulls out a firework cannon to shoot at Jeff, who blocks it with a trashcan lid.
Since that didn’t work, Matt pulls out a rake and calls for Brother Nero. Jeff has his own fireworks to shoot at Matt, who hides behind a metal boat as the music switches from something resembling classical to rock. Jeff turns the boat over but gets caught in a sleeper because after fireworks, of course you use wrestling moves. They fall into the water and Jeff disappears with Matt saying he’s been flushed. Jeff pops out of the water in full Willow gear and chokes Matt with the umbrella until the gardener comes up with a stun gun to knock Jeff out for the pin at 7:27.
Actually not so fast as Matt takes the mask off and it’s….the gardener. Jeff pops back up and knocks Matt into a dirt pit for more choking but lets go when he sees a massive Hardy logo. Jeff climbs onto that as we go to a Wyatt style montage of the birthday party. Reby hands Matt a candle and he sets the symbol on fire to knock Jeff off for the pin at 9:36.
Rating: N/A. No rating since this had nothing to do with wrestling and was heavily edited throughout. Normally I would explain something stupid here but do I really need to? This was Matt and Jeff shouting LOOK AT OUR BRILLIANCE and Dixie being stupid enough to let them do whatever they wanted. Words don’t describe this one well enough but I hope Matt and Jeff financed this themselves because TNA is broke enough that they can barely afford to pay their production staff but they can have this…..thing which probably cost a small fortune.
We look at Matt explaining the Seven Deities to Jeff, who accepts being Broken.
From September 8, it’s Delete or Decay.
It’s time for Final Deletion II. Decay goes after Senor Benjamin but he turns a shovel around to show the word DELETE. We cut to Decay arriving at the house, which Rosemary calls home sweet home. They look through the window to see Reby holding Maxill but here’s Matt, who KNEW THEY WOULD COME.
Back from a break and it’s time for the showdown with the Hardys (the three adults) holding up their fireworks. Abyss: “THIS IS NOT BEAUTIFUL!” Hang on because there are going to be a lot of very quick cuts in this thing. The Hardys chase them off with the fireworks and a ladder is knocked over. It’s really hard to see what’s going on here but for some reason fireworks are being shot horizontally at Decay but a camera cut shows them exploding in the air.
Matt sends Reby back to the house as Decay hides behind ye olde dilapidated boat. Abyss tells someone to get to the house and Jeff dropkicks the boat into the water. Cue Senor Benjamin to say Matt needs the boat. Jeff disappears and Benjamin starts pulling the boat but Joseph Park walks out of the water. Park: “Brother Benjamin! I loved you in Final Deletion!” Benjamin tazes Park and puts him in a conveniently placed bulldozer.
It’s off to Steve, who tries to send Jeff face first into a fire inside a big tire. That earns Steve a sitout gordbuster into a pool and they fight underwater. Matt is walking through smoke and calling for Rosemary as Benjamin dumps Park (presumably) into a grave. Jeff chokes Steve out under the water and sits on the side of the pool, only to be pulled back in ala the end of Friday the 13th.
Back to Benjamin who laughs at the grave but Abyss pops out to choke him. Steve and Jeff fight over a pool toy but it’s back to Abyss going after Matt and pulling out Janice. Jeff takes the shot to the ribs for his brother but here’s Vanguard I to launch rockets at Decay. The Hardy symbol in the grass is lit on fire with Steve inside. We cut back to the house where Rosemary has Maxill.
Vanguard I tells her to put him down so she blows mist at the drone to knock it offline. Maxill escaped somewhere in there and here’s Matt to say Rosemary has crossed a line. She mists him but he sucks it into his mouth and spits it back at her. Maxill staggers over to Matt as Reby reappears. The family is reunited but we cut back to Jeff who is laying on the ground in agony. Steve laughs at the fallen Benjamin and a car, I guess containing Decay, leaves to end the show.
Next up is Bound For Glory and the Great War.
Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Decay
Decay is defending. Reby Hardy, in a very long red dress, plays her family to the ring on a live piano. The women are in the ring as well to start and there are weapons around the ring. It’s a wild brawl to start of course and Reby is misted early on, meaning she has to go to the back. Steve clotheslines Matt and says he wants to break his back. Matt saves himself from a suplex but Rosemary throws in a trashcan.
Abyss and Jeff are nowhere to be seen as Rosemary comes in with a Van Terminator of all things to give Steve two on the floor. Back in the ring, Abyss staples Jeff in the forehead. Josh: “Somebody is teeing off on somebody on the other side of the Impact Zone.” Thanks for that information Josh. Matt and Abyss fight to the back with Abyss punching out a referee. Steve and Jeff join them with Decay in control. Jeff tries to reach a bucket labeled “Lake of Reincarnation” but Steve hits him with a music stand.
Back to Matt and Abyss, who fight over by a Universal Studios sign before Steve pours the bucket over Jeff…..who has disappeared. There’s no commentary as Jeff (presumably) throws pumpkins at Steve. We see Jeff, who is now some kind of steampunk pimp with a southern accent, and says he’s Jeff’s friend. Matt and Abyss fight in front of a car as Rosemary returns to slap Jeff, earning herself a pumpkin over the head as Jeff shouts like the Joker. Steve takes Jeff down and tells Rosemary to go help Abyss, who is throwing Matt against a truck.
Some “fan” appears and offers to fight Abyss because he’s on Team Delete. That’s fine with Rosemary who takes him out with one shot. Back to Jeff, who pulls out an umbrella and turns into Willow. Abyss has Janice but Matt throws fire from his hands to set it on fire. “Janice you look so hot.” Someone steals a truck with Abyss and Matt fighting in the back but it’s cut off by Vanguard 1, who chases Rosemary off. More shouting ensues and we cut back to the Impact Zone where Willow brings Steve back inside. Willow grabs a ladder as commentary comes back because it’s no longer pre-taped.
Matt and Abyss stagger back inside as well with Abyss suplexing Matt on the ramp. Jeff (no longer Willow) crawls back out from under the ring and baseball slides a table into Steve. The Twist of Fate and Swanton get two on Abyss, who brings out the barbed wire board. Matt takes over and adds in the thumbtacks, followed by a Side Effect onto various sharp objects.
A middle rope elbow sandwiches Abyss between two barbed wire boards for two. The women come back with Reby putting Rosemary through a table. Steve takes Abyss’ place and gets a Twist of Fate with a chair around his neck. Matt sets up two tables and a ladder before stopping to tell Jeff to indulge in his addiction. Jeff Swantons through Steve for the pin and the titles at 22:45.
Rating: C. I have no idea what to think of this but I’ll take the Monster’s Ball part over the Final Deletion part any day. This stuff just isn’t for me and I really don’t know what to say about most of it. The insanity is really creative and you can tell Matt and Jeff have put a lot of thought into the characters but it’s just not my kind of stuff. It’s entertaining but I’d rather watch regular wrestling than whatever this was.
Jeff doesn’t care if Matt’s child is a boy or a girl.
We’ll wrap it up with Tag Team Apocalypto from December 15 (most of the match doesn’t air but the match was the better part of an hour in full).
Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Apocalypto
The Hardys are defending and this is under elimination rules with eliminations coming via pinfall or submission. The match starts in the arena so we get to see who is in at the start. Here’s the lineup:
Hardys, Helms Dynasty, Rock N Roll Express, Decay
That’s it for now as smoke fills the arena and everyone has to evacuate the building. We see Lashley and Edwards still fighting before cutting back to the teams. Everything goes insane and the teams are outside with firework guns. Abyss: “NO! NOT AGAIN!” The fireworks going into the air and Helms tells his boys to get out. Matt appears in the back of their truck and attacks Lee so Jeff tells the referee to get on the back of his motorcycle to chase after them.
A bunch of teams are at the entrance to the Compound and Decay lets them in because this is going to be beautiful. Matt throws Everett into the Cameron City Limits sign for two (yes there are counts in this) with Helms making the save. It’s a huge fight as some of the teams get in, though none of them are introduced. Crazzy Steve snaps one of their necks for a pin on someone never identified.
Another team is allowed in as Spud is shown waiting on his partner. The Bravado Brothers (Harlem and Lance) show up as the Dynasty and Hardys fight in front of an antique store. Where did the Express go? Back at the entrance, a team called the Ugly Ducklings (maybe) enter and are eliminated in just a few seconds via Abyss’ chokeslam.
The Hardys and Dynasty keep fighting as Abyss beats up a team called Showtime. The Bravado Brothers sneak in as Showtime is quickly dispatched by way or a rock to the head. I’m almost certain we’re not supposed to know who any of those teams were though it’s not like we got a good shot at almost any of their faces. Spud’s partner finally arrives and we take a break.
Back with Spud’s partner being revealed as……Hornswoggle. Decay lets them pass so we cut back to the brawl taking place by the Lake of Reincarnation. A jumping knee to Jeff’s face gets two as Matt makes the save by moving the boat with his mind. The Dynasty starts stomping on the boat until Jeff makes the save with a double noggin knocker.
Matt shoves Helms into the Lake and it’s time for a 3 Count reunion, by which I mean Shane being part of 3 Count and yelling that Everett and Lee are no Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. They superkick Helms into the Lake as the Bravados show up to roll them up for two each. The Express are in another ring (four sided this time) nearby and call the Hardys in for a fight.
This goes as well as it’s going to go in 2016 but now we cut back to Edwards and Lashley because that’s still going. Wait now it’s back to the Dynasty vs. the Bravados with the referee coming out of a portable toilet to do his job. Everett hits a standing moonsault onto I believe Lance, leaving Harlem to be sent into a wall. They head inside the arena to keep brawling as we cut back to the other ring. Ricky and Jeff are in the kind of machines used to get people to the top of telephone poles and it’s time for another break.
Back with the cranes coming together so Ricky can work on the arm. The volcano is going off in the background as Robert works on a spinning toehold. Matt grabs one of the crane’s controls to send Morton flying through the air. We go back to the other arena where Everett is covered for two. We’re back to the cranes though with Jeff Swantoning out and missing Robert, only to have Matt hit a Twist of Fate to get rid of the Express.
So I believe we’re down to Decay, Spud/Hornswoggle, the Bravados and the Dynasty, assuming no one else arrives. Back in the other arena, Spud and Hornswoggle go after the two downed teams with Hornswoggle swinging a chair. Spud eliminates the Bravados but gets powerbombed by Hornswoggle, setting up the Tadpole Splash. Everett pins Spud to get rid of another team.
Back to Lashley choking Edwards with a cord of some kind as Morton is still stuck on the crane, demanding to be let down. Road Warrior Animal of all people is here, asking how Morton got stuck up there. Decay finds James Storm in a mask but multiple other DCC members show up. One of them takes off his mask and Storm has no idea who it is. Whoever it is gets knocked out with Abyss getting the pin, which eliminates the entire DCC. Storm gets in a superkick for good measure. Steve wants to go add to this pile of bones and we take another break.
We come back again with the Hardys and Decay fighting near the volcano and Lashley and Edwards fighting nearby. The volcano erupts violently and we’ve got the Hurricane rising from the Lake. That means it’s time for breaking news with Corsey saying Cameron’s fate is in the Hardys’ hands.
Back to the outside ring with Decay and the Dynasty each picking a Hardy to beat on. Matt is taken to a graveyard of Hardy logos as Jeff fights back on Decay. Janice is brought in and Jeff’s comeback is cut off by a low blow. Vanguard I comes in and that means another fireworks war. Abyss takes one to the eye and Vanguard celebrates.
To the other teams as Hurricane saves Matt from a shovel to the head. Apparently the Dynasty is broken and a double pin (Can Hurricane do that?) gets rid of Everett and Lee. Matt and Hurricane bury them, which Matt says would make even the man with three H’s proud. Lashley throws Eddie onto the house’s porch and then no sells a Hornswoggle spear.
Abyss is back up but a huge Hardy symbol catches on fire around him. A lot of brawling ends with Abyss taking Matt back into the ring. Matt gets Janice though and a shot to the ribs (with some quick edits) means Matt can make his weird noises. Steve and Jeff fight near the volcano with a Twisting Stunner sending Steve into the mouth. A big explosion sends Steve’s charred body flying into the ring so Matt can get the pin to retain at 44:10.
Rating: N/A. You think I have any idea hot to rate this? As I’ve said many times, I rate wrestling, not a bunch of people running around a big field with a few wrestling rings involved. I know there’s an audience for this and I was excited about what it might be, but you knew they were over hyping this to death.
All that talk about teams breaking contracts and such to show up turned out to be the nonsense that it was expected to be, leaving us with a joke like the Rock N Roll Express, an indy team in the Bravados, Spud and Hornswoggle as another joke (I think?) and three TNA teams. Oh and the jobbers. Don’t forget the jobbers.
No one really bought that any WWE names were going to show up here and the match was a big mess of standing around waiting for the bigger names to show up. The big moment here (I guess) was the Hurricane return and that’s really nothing special. If you knew you weren’t going to be able to get anyone here (Young Bucks? Maybe?), don’t hype it up like it’s a done deal. No they never said it, but if it’s nothing outlandish, mentioning a name in wrestling means THEY’RE GOING TO SHOW UP.
I was really, really disappointed in this as I bought into the hype of the whole thing. But, of course, TNA manages to let me down and thinks that I’m going to be entertained by a joke about HHH burying people when the Hardys (combined age of 81) just beat almost the entire tag team division in less than an hour. There was no big moment, there was no big surprise and there was no big difference between this and the rest of the Hardy specials.
Back at the Hardy Compound, the volcano erupts with blue smoke, meaning the baby will be a boy. Vanguard I will be his godfather. Celebrating ends the show and the year.
Overall Rating: TNH. For Total Nonstop Hardys. Two weeks ago, we had a two hour Hardys show. The following week, on the Year in Review/Best of 2016, the Hardys had their own section while everything else was rushed along with a match getting lucky to have five minutes air. This week, we had two full hours with a lot of full matches because this promotion has turned into their show. I don’t dislike a lot of what they do but sweet goodness it’s ok to show something else. This wasn’t even bad but just complete overkill, which is worse in a lot of ways.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – December 22, 2016 (Best of 2016): This is TNA’s New Low
Impact Wrestling Date: December 22, 2016
Host: Josh Matthews
This is a special show as it’s the Best of 2016. That means a lot of copying and pasting from me as I’m not about to rewatch a lot of these matches, especially when they’re likely going to be clipped to death. I’ll be posting the full versions of the matches instead of whatever hacked up versions that air on the broadcast, assuming we get more than just a few clips. Let’s get to it.
We open with about two minutes of the main event of Slammiversary 2016 with Lashley winning the World Title from Drew Galloway, five minutes of Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards from Impact, July 21 and four minutes of Lashley vs. James Storm from August 11. Lashley won all three matches.
Now we’ll go to January 5 for a few seconds of Kurt Angle’s retirement speech. Angle wants to go out on a high note, including a match against Drew Galloway.
Here’s a clip from that match, which aired on January 12. Angle won by submission and again we only get about a minute and a half.
On March 1, Angle beat Bobby Roode. I know it sounds like I’m flying through this but it’s really just the beginning and ending of each match. We’re twenty minutes into the show and we’ve covered five matches with a commercial in the middle.
On March 8, Angle gave his farewell speech where he talked about how much better of a person he is because of TNA.
On March 15, Drew Galloway cashed in his Feast or Fired briefcase to win the World Title from Matt Hardy in 18 seconds.
On March 28, Drew defended the title against Jeff Hardy. This actually gets more than two minutes so I’ll throw in the full match.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Jeff Hardy
Hardy is challenging and gets a headlock takeover out of the corner to take over early. Drew comes back with an overhead belly to belly and Hardy is already in trouble. The champ is sent outside for a dive from Hardy and we take a break. Back with Jeff getting two off a Twist of Fate but taking too much time going up and getting superplexed down.
The Claymore gets two and they head up top for what looked to be a super powerslam from Drew but Jeff reverses into something like a hiptoss. That looked to be a bit botched but it was good enough. Another Twist and the Swanton get two on Drew so Jeff sends it outside and puts Drew on the steps. The Swanton hits knees though and it’s a quick Futureshock to give Drew the pin at 14:18.
Rating: B-. Another pretty good main event here with Jeff being a good first victory for Drew, but they certainly didn’t hit a special level. It’s good that they’re getting Jeff out of the way early though as he’s one of those guys who is always going to be near the top of the roster so thankfully Drew can focus on someone new.
On April 5, Drew successfully defended the title against Matt Hardy.
We get the full Gail Kim Hall of Fame video. Somehow they STILL have the error in there about her holding the title for five reigns (when it was produced) for 232 days. In reality the fifth reign alone was 232 days and she’s held the title over 700 days combined.
We see some of her acceptance speech and about 45 seconds of her winning the Knockouts Title for s sixth time at Bound For Glory.
Since giving them their own show next week (and last week), it’s time to look at the Hardys. We’ll start with Matt vs. Ethan Carter III at Lockdown with Matt defending the World Title.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy
Hardy is defending. Ethan draws a line on the mat and it’s time to slug it out. Matt’s chops don’t have much effect but Ethan’s splash hits the cage. It’s time for a chair with Matt getting in some good shots, only to have the Twist of Fate broken up as Matt is sent head first into the chair in the corner. Another Twist is broken up so Matt settles for the Side Effect and a two count.
The champ grabs a chain but walks into a TK3 (TKO) to give Ethan a chance. Tyrus blocks the way so Ethan flips him off, drawing the big man in. Ethan runs the ropes and has a free chance to get out but opts to clothesline Tyrus instead. A Big Ending drops Carter but he’s still able to reverse an attempt at being chained to the cage. Instead it’s Tyrus being chained up but Matt grabs a Twist of Fate for two.
Carter is back up in time to pull Matt off the cage to put both guys down. Matt is up first and hits a low blow, setting up a Twist of Fate with Ethan’s neck in a chair. Of course that’s not enough to finish it so Ethan kicks Matt low to even things up. A slow double crawl towards the door draws out Reby with a hammer but Spud comes out for the save. Then, in the swerve that isn’t a swerve, Spud slams the door on Carter’s head to turn heel and help Matt get out to retain at 11:39.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but it’s ANOTHER heel turn as Matt has to get another minion because he’s this iconic power or whatever line TNA is pushing this week. I do however like the fact that Spud didn’t just align with Carter again because Ethan turned. That’s some nice continuity, but sweet goodness I’m tired of these big heel turns when there are already about four faces on the roster as it is.
With no transition from normal Matt to Broken Matt, here’s the Final Deletion.
Next up, it’s the Great War from Bound For Glory.
Now we look at some debuts, including Mike Bennett/Maria, Aron Rex, Moose, Cody and Brandi Rhodes. We see clips of Bennett defeating Ethan Carter III and the fairly bad mixed tag with Cody/Rhodes vs. Mike/Maria.
Off to the tag teams now as we see Decay beat Beer Money to win the Tag Team Titles on April 26.
We’ll keep up the Decay theme as Rosemary beats Jade to win the vacant Knockouts Title on December 1.
Due to Lashley vacating the X-Division Title, there was an Ultimate X gauntlet held on September 1 and we actually see a good chunk of it.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett vs. Mandrews vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Rockstar Spud
The title is vacant coming in and this is a gauntlet match, meaning people are added at fixed intervals but you can pull the title down at any time. Trevor Lee and DJZ start things off and they slug it out for a bit before pulling each other down. Andrew Everett is in third and the time intervals seem to be two and a half minutes. DJZ gets double teamed so the Helms Dynasty (minus Helms showing up lately) goes up at the same time.
A knee to DJZ’s head knocks him silly but here’s Mandrews to break up the title grab attempt. Mandrews gets thrown off the top though and we take a break. Back with a replay package of what we saw before the commercial instead of what we missed. Braxton Sutter entered during the break and here’s Rockstar Spud to complete the field but it’s still too early to get the title with Sutter making the save.
We hit the big streak of dives before people get back in, only to be thrown out or knocked down seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about here as it’s just one move or spot after another with nothing in between. Spud uses a chair to knock Sutter off the cables but it’s the Helms Dynasty going up and grabbing the title at at the same time. No one comes down with it though so DJZ springboards in and pulls the title down to win at 16:23.
Rating: C+. I’m sure this is the revitalization that the X-Division has been needing for years now and that this will be different than the other half dozen times they’ve promised it’s not going to be left by the wayside again. The same problems they always have still apply here: no characters, no storylines other than they all want the title and get thrown together into one match and nothing we haven’t seen before. Fix some of those things and give us an actual story and the division might go somewhere.
On October 6, Lashley chose Eddie Edwards for a World Title shot and we’re graced with the last eight seconds.
We wrap it up with clips from Lashley vs. Edwards II on November 3. I’ll throw this one in even though we get less than a third of the match.
TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley
Lashley is challenging. We get the Big Match Intros with JB calling this the super fight. I’ll give TNA this: they do a solid job of making the big matches feel important. Or maybe it’s that JB is really good at his job(s). The bell rings after the break (thank goodness) and Lashley throws the champ around before elbowing him in the face.
They head outside with Eddie chopping him up against the barricade but getting dropped throat first across the steel. Some choking with a wristband takes us to the last break. Back with Lashley in full control with a chinlock and a knee to the face. The champ fights back and sends Lashley outside for a suicide dive.
A Shining Wizard gets two on Lashley, who comes right back with a Dominator for the same. They head outside for a few moments before Eddie misses a top rope double stomp. Lashley pulls the referee in the way and then hits the spear for two, earning the second referee a right hand to the face. The first referee goes to call for the DQ but the Boston Knee Party gives Eddie the fast counted pin at 18:53.
Rating: B. This was more long than good and really illustrated the problem with a lot of TNA: I like Eddie but he’s really just a person who happens to be champion. Lashley is a big dragon for Eddie to slay and that’s what he’s done twice now. I don’t feel any connection to either of them and it’s much more like I’m just on the outside watching something happen.
Overall Rating: D. TNA just managed to screw up a Best Of show. Based off this, I have almost no idea what’s going on in TNA but I know I need a chart to keep track of it all. This felt like taking a guided tour in a bus that was driving 80 miles an hour with the guide shouting various things you can see.
We didn’t see a single match in full and most of the clips showed the opening and the last few seconds. I’d much rather see some full matches (or promos) than cover so much stuff and get nothing out of it. Also, did we really need the Hardys section when two out of three FULL SHOWS will be about them? I can’t even be surprised by this but it was somehow one of the worst executed things TNA has done all year. Just air a Top Ten list or something like that instead of trying to cram in every single thing into two hours. Total mess here.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – December 8, 2016: The Last Normal One
Impact Wrestling Date: December 8, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It’s the last regular show of the year as next week will be Total Nonstop Deletion because it’s a good idea to give the Hardys their own show. The big story this week is the World Title on the line as Eddie Edwards defends against Ethan Carter III. You can almost guarantee a screwy finish of some kind as TNA loves leaving us hanging. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the World Title match with both guys seeming to have a lot of respect for each other.
Here’s new Grand Champion Moose for an opening chat. We get the YOU DESERVE IT chant, which is really starting to lose meaning. The guy has been around less than six months and has only been wrestling on the big stage for less than two years. Anyway, Moose promises to be a fighting champion but here’s Drew Galloway to interrupt.
Drew says the title was built for him and now he could have a match of the year against someone like Moose. The fight is about to begin but here’s Aron Rex (now clean shaven) to interrupt. Rex says three seconds isn’t enough time for a match and threatens to sue the fans for, and I feel stupid for saying this, Rexual Harassment. He’ll have his rematch right now.
Grand Championship: Moose vs. Aron Rex
Rex is challenging and wastes no time with the loaded up punch, which knocks Moose out on the floor. Back in and Rex can only get two so we hit the chinlock. Moose makes a quick comeback to end the round but Rex still takes the first. Rex uses his evil towel to blind Moose to start the second and it’s ANOTHER chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two on the champ and more elbows give Rex the second round. Round three begins with Rex hammering away again, only to get dropkicked off the top. The Game Changer retains the title at 7:36 total.
Rating: D+. I really cannot stand this gimmick. It’s TNA trying to be creative and while it’s something new, that doesn’t mean it’s interesting. The problem here is you could take away the rounds and the match would be exactly the same. Just have Rex cheat to win any regular title and it’s the same thing. That’s a major problem but TNA just keeps running with this thing.
Eddie says he’s ready.
Galloway rants about TNA not holding the tournament for him.
Aiden O’Shea vs. Mandrews
O’Shea goes for a slam but the much smaller Mandrews falls on him to take over. Aiden’s big forearm hits the apron by mistake and now he’s ticked off. The shirt comes off and the slow beating begins, only to have Mandrews send him outside. That means a big flip dive as I’m wondering why I’m supposed to boo this guy. A springboard seated senton sets up a shooting star press to end O’Shea at 5:48.
Rating: C-. So……he’s one of the least interesting wrestlers in the division, he’s turned heel, and now he wins a match that by definition is about making someone look like a face? Normally I would attribute this to a weird taping situation where Mandrews’ turn was taped after this but, since it’s TNA, it’s just weird booking as this took place after the turn.
Mahabali Shera/Al Snow vs. Tribunal
Indian strap match, meaning they’re bound at the wrists by straps and you win by touching all six corners. They brawl on the floor to start until the wrists are strapped, meaning the Tribunal can start choking. Snow’s comeback is cut off but it’s too early to touch the buckles. Low blows and straps to the back have the Tribunal down and a double low bridging allows Snow and Shera to win at 5:19.
Rating: D-. Whatever man. I’ve been sick of this feud since the second it began and this isn’t getting any better. Hopefully this blows it off and we can go on to anything else because I have no idea why it would keep going. No one involved is interesting and no one involved is being elevated but it keeps going anyway. Such is life in TNA.
We see Matt Hardy asleep with the Seven Deities telling him about something called Apocalypto.
Ethan is ready for the title match and makes fun of Eli Drake for not being able to talk.
Here are the Hardys to talk about Tag Team Apocalypto next week. Matt says the match will be so big that Mc-Mahon or Hayman couldn’t promote it. There will be regular stars of the Impact Wrestling roster and even King Maxill will make his debut. The Tag Team Titles will be on the line in an open challenge to any tag team in the history of space and time.
Cue Shane Helms (He still works here?) to say he’ll be there. Matt can’t wait to see 3 Count or the superheroes back in action. Helms is actually bringing the Helms Dynasty and promises to be there. Cue Decay to say they’ll top the Great War when they appear as well. Helms takes a Twist of Fate.
After a break, DCC says they’ll be in North Carolina next week too.
Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie
Madison Rayne is on commentary. Before the match, Maria laughs at Allie for pretending to be a wrestler. Allie says she’s been training with Braxton Sutter, which freaks Laurel out. Sutter comes out to watch from ringside as Laurel starts beating Allie up. Allie gets in a suplex as Sutter and Mike Bennett fight to the back. With the men gone, Laurel misses a charge in the corner and a reverse DDT puts her away at 5:11.
Rating: D+. The match was nothing but the story was all it needed to be. Allie is one of the most over people on the roster and seeing her beat up Maria and company is the best idea possible. It’s also very helpful that she’s a trained wrestler so we don’t have to sit through months of her learning how to do things. Sutter vs. Bennett could be good too.
Maria tries to get in and is shoved right back down.
Video on Carter vs. Edwards.
Allie is all happy and kisses Sutter in celebration.
Total Nonstop Deletion ad.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Eddie Edwards
Eddie is defending and they trade armbars to start. A running knee lift cuts Eddie off and sends him to the floor as they’re definitely taking their time here. Ethan gets two off a knee drop and we take a break. Back with Carter getting two off a suplex and we’re off to a chinlock.
That goes nowhere so Eddie hits a top rope hurricanrana to very little reaction from the audience. They chop it out until Ethan is knocked outside for the suicide dive. Eddie’s rollup is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two but the TK3 doesn’t work. Back up and the champ gets crotched on the ropes for the superplex into a small package near fall.
Carter speeds things up until the Boston Knee Party sends him outside. The TK3 connects on the floor but Carter still can’t put him away. The Backpack Stunner is countered into Ethan’s rear naked choke, only to have Eddie roll onto his back. It’s a double finish as Eddie taps at the same time as the three count at 20:35.
Rating: B. The match was good but, as usual, it felt like they were just doing moves until we got to the ending. The near falls helped a lot and I buy them as equals but the ending felt a bit forced. It’s a good main event but really not enough to save the show, which wasn’t the best leading up to this.
The match is ruled a no contest so Eddie retains. Replays show that Carter’s shoulder was up at two anyway but it’s not acknowledged. I’m guessing Carter goes heel after this.
Overall Rating: C-. That main event helped a lot but there’s almost no way to save this show. Maybe they were just spent at the end of the marathon tapings or maybe TNA just isn’t capable of putting on quality TV (there’s a shocker) but so much of this show feels like a waste of time.
I can’t count how many things on here just exist with no emotional connection. When you have a gimmick match that doesn’t work, a pretty worthless big vs. little match, that stupid, stupid Snow/Shera match and a mostly bad women’s match, a good main event just isn’t enough. The show isn’t the worst in the world and is watchable at times but it’s not interesting and that’s a much bigger problem.
Results
Moose b. Aron Rex – Game Changer
Mandrews b. Aiden O’Shea – Shooting star press
Al Snow/Mahabali Shera b. Tribunal – Snow and Shera touched all six buckles
Allie b. Laurel Van Ness – Reverse DDT
Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III went to a no contest with a double finish
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
So as you might have noticed, I’m not doing as many news stories and articles around here lately. This is due to me basically becoming a full time news reporter at WrestlingRumors.net, which takes up a lot of my time. However, it occurred to me that I had a list of articles I’ve written with the links up so I might as well put them on here as well. These are just going to be links and headlines but the articles include my take on them at the end. I don’t know if I’ll do these every day but I’ll do them more often than not.