Impact Wrestling
Date: May 9, 2013
Location: BancorpSouth Arena, Tupelo, Mississippi
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley

It’s another live show this week as we’re less than a month away from Slammiversary. The main event tonight is yet another tag match with Sting captaining a TNA team along with Kurt Angle and a mystery partner, which may be AJ Styles to face Aces and 8’s. In other words, almost everything is the same as it always is, which is TNA’s major problem at the moment. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week with Sting beating Matt Morgan for the title match last week and D’Lo Brown potentially being kicked off the team.

Here are Angle and Sting to open things up. Sting talks about wanting to take the heart out of Aces and 8’s by taking the title from Ray in Boston. He doesn’t want to wait another month though so tonight he’s going to war with the machine. Angle talks about making Brown scream I QUIT last week, but tonight it’s AJ Styles that can turn the tide in the war. Kurt calls out AJ and yells at him to make a decision right now.

Sting says hang on a second and talks about his time of hanging in the rafters and being the loner for awhile. He calls this place the house that AJ built and sticks out his hand to Styles. Angle takes the mic away from Sting and yells at AJ that he’s either with them or against them, so Styles walks away. Angle goes after Styles and AJ takes off the jacket. They slug it out on the ramp and the bikers sneak in and lay out Sting with a 3D.

Post break AJ has nothing to say.

Tara/Gail Kim vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

Mickie pounds on Gail to start as we have a very good view of Velvet from the apron. Gail interferes though and lets Tara take over, allowing Tara to put Mickie in the Tree of Woe. A baseball slide hits Mickie in the face and it’s off to Gail for a splash in the corner. Mickie comes back with a kick to the face in the corner and it’s off to Velvet. She quickly loads up In Yo Face on Tara but has to send Gail to the floor. No that it matters as In Yo Face hits Tara for the pin at 3:32.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than the nice upskirt shots of Velvet. I’m guessing they’re moving towards Mickie taking the title and then doing the legend vs. rookie wonder in Taryn at BFG, which doesn’t do much for me, but then again very rarely does anything the Knockouts do get me interested.

Post match Gail lays out Tara and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Bully isn’t pleased with D’Lo and the bikers leave him standing there as they go to the ring.

Bad Influence offers Storm some beer to hopefully sway him to their side. They leave and Storm starts drinking.

Here are Aces and 8’s to hype up the main event tonight. They know the mystery partner isn’t AJ Styles because AJ has seen the light of day. However, there’s club business with D’Lo Brown. A couple of weeks ago (it was last week), Brown disappointed the team so turn in his colors right now. Brown says no so Ray gives him one more chance. Brisco and Bischoff take the vest off of him and Ray yells at him for quitting. Brown offers to beat up Magnus tonight to get the vest back. Ray says no because Doc gets to beat up Magnus instead. Apparently Brown’s spot rests on Doc winning.

Magnus vs. Doc

This is joined in progress after a break with Doc in control and knocking a jumping Magnus out of the air. After a quick chinlock, Doc kicks him in the face but Magnus starts his comeback with a big boot of his own. Some clotheslines puts Doc down and after shoving him off the top, a top rope elbow gets two for Magnus. Brown interferes but is thrown into the steps for his efforts. Back in and Doc hits a fireman’s carry into a pancake for two. Brown tries to trip Magnus but grabs the wrong foot, allowing Magnus to get a quick rollup on Doc for the pin at 4:12 shown.

Rating: D+. The ending was kind of obvious, but if this cuts some of the lame fat from the bikers I’m all for it. So many of their lower level guys are just worthless and Brown might be the most worthless of them all. This doesn’t exactly make the bikers look strong though, but that’s WAY past helping at this point.

Post break Ray wants to CRUSH BROWN’S SKULL WITH A HAMMER. Instead of murdering him, Ray calms down and makes him a prospect instead.

Hogan wants to team up with Angle and Sting but his doctors told him no. Hogan got a phone call today and if the guy is who he says he is, but apparently they would save the six man. Sting isn’t sure and suggests Magnus.

Aries and Roode also offer Storm beer.

Bad Influence vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

James Storm is guest referee and the winners get a tag title shot. Aries starts with Kaz and they spin around a lot with Aries taking over and relaxing on the top rope. Both guys try to rake the others eyes and both try the clap tag to trick Storm, but James looks at both and shrugs. Regular tags bring in Roode and Daniels and they shake hands before both kick the other in the ribs at the same time.

Roode takes Daniels down in the corner with a neckbreaker and it’s off to Aries for a middle rope elbow into the back of a seated Daniels. It only gets one since Storm is distracted so it’s time for some HARD chops in the corner from Aries. Daniels is sent to the floor for an ax handle from Aries. Off to Roode and Bad Influence finally double teams to take over. An elbow drop to Roode’s back gets two and Roode is in trouble. Tazz suggests putting a bowl of beer down on the mat to make Storm get down faster.

Roode throws Kaz into Daniels and finally makes the hot tag off to Aries. It’s elbow strikes all around but Daniels escapes the brainbuster. Aries throws him onto Kaz on the floor though and takes both guys out with a suicide dive. Back in and Austin goes up for a frog splash (complete with Eddie dance) for two. Bad Influence hits a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo on Aries for two before Kaz has Fade to Black countered by Roode.

A spinebuster puts Kaz down but an STO puts Roode down as well. Aries suplexes Daniels down but Austin charges into a boot in the corner. Angel’s Wings are countered but the brainbuster is countered as well. Daniels rolls up Aries but Storm won’t count because Daniels is pulling the tights. Aries loads up a swig of beer and sprays it in Daniels’ face. Storm drinks the rest of the beer but gets shoved by Aries.

Storm loads up the Last Call but hits Daniels by mistake. He won’t count the three though because that’s not right. Instead it’s a Last Call on Aries and both guys are out. Storm walks away and the match seemingly just ends at 11:20. My guess is this sets up a triple threat tag because we haven’t had one of those in awhile.

Rating: C+. Good match here with a stupid ending to set up yet another triple threat. I mean, we haven’t had one in like two weeks, so clearly it’s time for another one right? The tag division continues to be nothing of note from a storyline perspective but the matches are at least entertaining.

Aces and 8’s destroy Magnus in the back. What is that, the third time that’s happened?

Suicide is back soon.

Video on Chris Sabin returning last week.

Here’s Kenny King to remind us he’s still around. King brags about being awesome and how impressive it is that he has to beat two people every single week. More like every month but whatever. He calls out Chris Sabin as someone who has overcome the odds so here’s Chris to a big ovation. Chris talks about being in physical therapy for the last year but how it’s been worth it. King hands him the belt and says that’s as close as “Frail” Sabin will ever get to being champion. Chris pops him in the face and King leaves.

Storm is out cold in the back with the four guys from the tag title match standing over him.

The Bound For Glory Series is back and this year a Gut Check winner will be in the Series. There’s a four man tournament next week with the winner getting into the Series for a shot at the world title at BFG.

Ray tells Aces and 8’s that they’re weeding out the weak ones. Knux is tasked with making sure D’Lo keeps the beer cold and the bikes washed.

Angle leaves without a partner. Hogan gets another call and the mystery partner might be here.

Kurt Angle/Sting/??? vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s Ray/D-Von/Anderson here. Angle and Sting are on their own to start. Kurt and D-Von get things going here with the fans completely behind Angle. A quick belly to belly puts D-Von down but it’s off to the world champion for some hard elbows to the back of Kurt’s neck. Kurt grabs ray’s arm but it’s quickly off to Sting, sending Ray running into the corner. Anderson gets the tag but he walks into a dropkick and atomic drop before it’s back to Angle.

Kurt beats on Anderson a bit before it’s back to D-Von who takes Kurt down for a quick two count. Angle slugs him in the face but the numbers came catches up with him again. The Dudleys hit a reverse 3D on Angle before knocking Sting off the apron. Something is apparently going on in the back and it’s the rest of Aces and 8’s all laid out. We take a break and come back with Ray hitting a good dropkick (Tazz: “LIKE MIL MASCARAS!”) for two on Kurt.

D-Von comes back in to crank on Angle’s neck for a bit before slamming him down and dropping a leg for no cover. WE get the Hogan imitations of course and it’s back to Ray for more pounding on Kurt. Angle snaps off an Angle Slam on Ray out of nowhere and it’s hot tag to Sting. The Splash and Death Drop get two on D-Von as Anderson makes the save. There’s another splash on D-Von but now Ray makes the save.

Sting basically Hulks Up and gets in Ray’s face and they slug it out. There’s the Scorpion on Ray but Anderson makes the save. Sting is taken to the floor as the Dudleys load up a table, but here’s ABYSS to return and clean house. He chokeslams Anderson through the table (not a DQ) and hits the Black Hole Slam on D-Von for the pin at 18:27.

Rating: C+. Good main event here with a nice surprise too. This doesn’t exactly change much because if I had to make a bet, I’d be on the side that says Abyss is hot for a few weeks and then goes back to doing nothing of note for months like everyone else on the roster. Still though, a good surprise here and it had to happen sooner or later.

Overall Rating: C+. FAR more entertaining show tonight with a lot less annoying stuff to sit through. The main event was fine and the surprise wasn’t bad, but at the end of the day it still leads to a pretty lame PPV main event in a few weeks. Ray vs. Sting does nothing for anyone but it’s Sting so we have to give him at least one PPV title shot a year just because we have to. There was some good stuff here tonight and the show was light years easier to sit through than last week, which is a very good sign.

Results

Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Tara/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Tara

Magnus b. Doc – Rollup

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode vs. Bad Influence went to a no contest

Kurt Angle/Sting/Abyss b. Aces and 8’s – Black Hole Slam to D-Von

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Last night on the forums someone asked if I still enjoyed watching wrestling.  My reply:
Absolutely. Yeah there’s A LOT of stupid stuff and you get tired of sitting through it, and then one night Fandango comes out and the fans start singing his song. Or Brodus Clay debuts as the Funkasaurus instead of another monster. Or you’re expecting some lame celebrity like Justin Bieber to be announced as host of Wrestlemania 27 and instead you hear “IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”. Or the night after Rock dominates Wrestlemania 27 John Cena challenges The Rock to a match a year later and WWE basically says “Oh yeah. We’re going there!.” Or you see Joseph Park absolutely nailing the rookie lawyer character. Or you watch Raw one night in January and John Cena and CM Punk put on one of the greatest matches of all time on free TV for a spot int he main event of Wrestlemania and you can barely stay on your bed because you’re trying not to scream at them to kick out because you don’t want this to end.Yes wrestling is still fun. You never know when you’re going to see something amazing.

This past Thursday’s show saw the worst audience of the year.  The numbers have been going down since Bully won the title but are falling even faster now that it’s all about Sting and Hogan.

Imagine that: people don’t care about Bubba Ray Dudley vs. two old guys in the year 2013.  I for one am shocked.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 2, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

It’s another taped show tonight and shockingly enough, Sting is back. Yes for probably the tenth time in his TNA history, Sting has made a big return to take up the TNA torch and save the company from whatever the latest threat is. In this case it’s the bikers of Aces and 8’s, who still are pretty lame aside from Bully Ray. Let’s get to it.

After the usual recap, here’s Hogan to open things up. He immediately calls out Sting for a face to face chat to clear the air up to this point. Hogan talks about how they almost came to blows last week, but he knows when he’s right and when he’s wrong. He’s had a lot of stuff going on lately and he made a big mistake by pushing Sting away. They should have been working together the entire time and that’s on Hogan as well.

Sting says that they’re together right now and that’s what the fans want to see. He wants another six man tag with himself and two other guys against Aces and 8’s. Hogan says sure but tonight, we need a new #1 contender for Slammiversary. This brings out Morgan who says this is where Sting is handed another title shot. Hogan says no more mistakes and no more handouts, so tonight it’s Sting vs. Morgan for the title shot.

Chris Sabin is back next.He talks about doing whatever it took to get back to the ring. That was his goal and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.

Kurt Angle has issued an open challenge to Aces and 8’s for tonight.

Chris Sabin vs. Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner is in the next three way title match along with King and whoever didn’t get pinned in the last title match. Sabin has the Hail Sabin music here instead of the Motor City Machine Guns’ music. The referee camera is back for this match again. Ion gets caught in between the other two guys before being knocked out to the floor.

Dutt snaps off a quick rana on Sabin and hooks an armbar, but has to stop to knock Zema to the floor. An enziguri puts Dutt down for two for Sabin but Ion comes in with a sunset flip, sending Dutt flying via a German suplex from Sabin. With Sabin down, Ion drops Dutt onto the top rope as we’re told that Suicide will be in the next X-Division qualifying match.

We get some overly complicated three way near falls followed by a sliding dropkick to Ion’s head. A spinning DDT puts Sabin down and a running shooting star press gets two for Sonjay. Ion hits a snap DDT for two on Dutt as we see that X-Cam thing. Dutt hits a low superkick on Ion but gets powerbombed down by Sabin, but Chris picks him back up into a Death Valley Driver onto Ion for no cover. With Dutt in the Tree of Woe, Sabin throws Ion into Sonjay before hitting a scoop sitout brainbuster on Ion for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: C. These matches are already getting old. We get it: they can have three way matches with a lot of cool spots in them. Can the X guys do ANYTHING else? As in event a one on one match? No? Well of course not because why have two guys in the ring when you can have THREE? This division is dying and it’s dying in a hurry.

Robbie E and Jesse plot against Rob Terry. Their plan: get Joey Ryan to help them.

Bully yells at Aces and 8’s for Hogan and Sting mocking them earlier. Ray says he can beat either Sting or Morgan. As for tonight, it’s about Kurt Angle. Ray wants him taken out tonight and D’Lo steps up to do the deed.

Robbie E/Joey Ryan/Jesse Godderz vs. Rob Terry

Ryan gets to start and backs in to the monster. A quick backdrop puts Ryan down but Godderz pulls Rob’s trunks for a distraction. They try to triple team Terry until it’s Joey going after the big man’s knee. Off to Robbie for some shots to a downed monster followed by a sleeper. Terry stands up and backs Robbie into the corner to escape. Robbie takes him down again and it’s off to Joey but all three guys wind up coming in. Robbie shrugs all of them off and runs them all down before picking up Robbie and Jesse at the same time. The over the shoulder spinebuster ends Ryan at 3:34. Apparently it’s called the Beast Bomb.

Rating: D. We get it: Rob Terry is strong. The problem is there’s not much for him to gain by just destroying sleazy characters like these guys. The Rob vs. Robbie feud is long past dead but since the writers in TNA can’t focus on more than one story at once, we need to keep this going even longer.

Here are Aries and Roode to talk about Bad Influence trying to restart Fourtune. Roode isn’t thrilled with the idea and Aries thinks they were lying. Roode and Aries don’t like each other like Bad Influence does….and here are Daniels and Kazarian. Daniels says that Roode and Aries are right in that it’s about the titles but they’re wrong by saying they’re the best tag team in the world. Roode and Aries knows they’re just a pale imitation of Bad Influence. Roode says they’re awesome but Kaz calls Roode and Aries Bad Influence Lite.

This brings out the tag champions who says that there’s a special referee for the #1 contenders tag match next week. It’s James Storm for no apparent reason whatsoever, but it’s yet another reason he can’t move up on the card. Storm hands out beers and stands with the champion.

Sting goes in to see Angle behind closed doors.

Tara and Gail complain about Taryn Terrell. They’re in a tag match tonight apparently. Tara leaves and Gail says she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

Sabin says it’s great to be back in the ring.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Lo Brown

Before the match, Brown says we make it an I Quit match. He jumps Angle to start but Kurt easily takes him to the mat as you would expect him to. Anderson tells the rest of the bikers to stay back as the guys head to the floor. Brown misses a hammer shot against the post but manages to pull Angle’s arm into the post. Back inside and D’Lo goes after the arm with a bunch of basic stuff.

We get a wristlock into a cross armbreaker but Angle fights up into a quickly broken ankle lock. Off to a cobra clutch on Kurt but he Hulks Up and rolls some six straight German suplexes. Brown breaks the ankle lock again and busts out a Samoan drop of all things. D’Lo loads up a powerbomb but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock for the submission at 8:02.

Rating: D+. Yeah imagine that: challenging one of the best submission wrestlers ever to a submission match WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA. At the end of the day, this was D’Lo Brown trying to be a big physical threat in the year 2013. There’s only so much you can do with something like that, which shows the problem with Aces and 8’s.

Angle says he has his mind on AJ Styles and calls him out right now. Post break and Angle is still calling out AJ and finally gets him. Angle says AJ looks like he wants to take his head off, but that’s a bad idea for Styles since we’re in Angle’s hometown. Kurt says everyone wants to recruit AJ and Styles isn’t one to take the easy way. Right now though, Angle wants to know where AJ stands. If AJ is with TNA then that’s cool, but if not then they’re going to have some problems. He wants Styles to join him and Sting against Aces and 8’s next week and leaves AJ to think about it.

We recap the opening segment which set up Morgan vs. Sting tonight.

Matt Morgan says tonight he’s taking the ball and then winning the world title.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Taryn Terrell/Mickie James

Taryn gets double teamed to start until Mickie finally helps her out. The heels are rammed into each other before things get calmed down. Off to Mickie vs. Gail with James hooking a quick cross armbreaker, only to have Gail grab the rope. Gail pounds away for a bit by Mickie comes back with an enziguri knee to the head for two. Mickie is sent to the apron where she kicks Tara down, only to be knocked to the floor by Gail.

Back in and Mickie gets stomped down in the corner before Tara busts out a bridging Indian deathlock. Taryn comes in to break things up and it’s off to Gail for more slow paced punishment. Both Mickie and Gail try cross bodies and go down from the collision. The hot tag brings in Taryn as everything breaks down. In the mess, Terrell rolls up Tara for the pin at 6:27.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t terrible and the girls all looked great out there, but we need to get the title on Mickie and have her turn heel so Taryn can take the belt from her already, because this whole “she’s a rookie who gets a lot of fluke wins” deal is getting old already. Nothing to see here for the most part, much like all of tonight.

Post match they keep brawling until Gail hits Eat Defeat on Taryn and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Ray yells at Aces and 8’s for D’Lo tapping earlier. Next week it’s the Dudleys and Anderson in the six man.

Roode and Aries say they’ll win next week.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

The winner gets Bully Ray at Slammiversary. Morgan pounds away in the corner as Taz talks about how great he is in Aces and 8’s. Matt hits him with some hard clotheslines and right hands followed by a chokeslam for two. Back with Morgan ramming Sting into the barricade before heading back inside for some choking. Sting fights back on the floor with some shots into the barricade and steps. We head inside again but Sting walks into the side slam for two.

Morgan misses an elbow drop and gets caught by the Stinger Splash in the corner. Matt fights back with the rapid fire elbows and the Carbon Footprint….for two. Another Footprint hits the buckle and there’s the Scorpion Deathlock. Matt is in big trouble but never taps out. He finally makes the rope so Sting puts the hold right back on. Morgan blacks out from the pain to send Sting to Slammiversary at 13:07.

Rating: D+. As soon as I heard this match announced, I knew Sting was getting the title shot. Why did I know that? Because that’s what happens in TNA. No matter what your other options may be, at the end of the day it’s going to be Sting getting the title shot no matter what. People have been BEGGING to see Morgan elevated for years now, but let’s go with Sting again because he and Hogan have to cowboy up and fight the bikers, because that’s what people (and by that I mean Sting and Hogan) want to see.

Ray stares down Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world happened to this show? Two months ago this was the best show on TV and now it’s a nightmare. There’s WAY too much focus on Hogan and Sting while the younger guys are stashed away in the tag title scene. The stories are going nowhere, I don’t know of anyone who is dying to see Sting get ANOTHER title shot, and the AJ drama is already getting old. TNA needs to change things around, but I have a feeling they’re going to stay locked on this path for months to come.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Zema Ion and Sonjay Dutt – Scoop Michinoku Driver

Rob Terry b. Robbie E/Jesse Godderz/Joey Ryan – Beast Bomb to Ryan

Kurt Angle b. D’Lo Brown – Ankle Lock

Sting b. Matt Morgan – Scorpion Deathlock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 25, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

We’re live again in a city I’ve never heard of. After last week the main story is that AJ walked away while the Bikers beat down James Storm. That doesn’t mean Styles has joined up with them but it does mean that the story must continue. Other than that it’s hard to say what’s coming because nothing of note seems to be continuing over to this week. At least we’re live though. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last week with Ray saying he wanted to see Hulk face to face tonight.

The Bikers arrive and are met by security but Ray shouts his way past them.

Here’s James Storm to open things up. He says he’s still feeling the effects of the fight last week and here’s Styles standing in the crowd. Storm says he isn’t going to cry over spilled milk because he’s a beer drinker. However, he does have something to say about the Aces and 8’s who jumped him last week. If they want a fight, all they have to do is ask him. If any of them want a fight one on one, come see him.

Instead he gets Bad Influence who were also attacked by the bikers last week. Hogan may not have an answer to Aces and 8’s, but the two of them do. The magic number to stop Aces and 8’s is four, as in Fourtune. Kaz says AJ needs to stop looking like a Twilight vampire because they forgive him. He offers to reform Fourtune to fight the bikers but AJ doesn’t move.

Storm doesn’t seem interested so Kaz calls him irrelevant. The brawl is on and Storm gets beaten down and left laying after a low blow. Here come Aces and 8’s and Anderson loads up a powerbomb through a table, but Joseph Park comes in for a save. He gets beaten down as well. AJ is still standing stoically as Knucks and Doc load up a double chokeslam on Park….but Bully calls them off. Instead it’s a 3D through the table (kind of as Ray never got the Cutter correctly) and the bikers stand tall.

Post break Park is taken out on a stretcher and Aces and 8’s are still in the ring. Ray talks about how no one can stop them and Hogan has until the end of the show to answer the challenge.

Tenay tells us that Hogan has left the building for no apparent reason.

We get a video on Mickie James beating Tessmacher to earn the title shot.

Taryn Terrell vs. Tara

Before the bell, Hogan is here so apparently he was off doing something. No Jesse with Tara here but she jumps Taryn to start. Terrell comes back with a jumping neckbreaker and some hair drags, only to be draped over the top rope to stop her cold. Tara sends her chest first into the buckle and slams Taryn face first into the mat a few times. Off to a bridging Indian Deathlock by Tara followed by some rollups for two.

Tara yells at referee ODB before choking Taryn in the air. A slingshot sends Taryn’s throat into the bottom rope for two more but Tara misses the slingshot legdrop. Taryn goes up top but misses a cross body, allowing Tara to hit the spinning side slam for no cover. Tara loads up the shaky moonsault but gets rolled up for the pin at 6:36.

Rating: C-. The match sucked for the most part but I’ve seen worse. The most impressive thing about this was probably Taryn. Yeah she sucks in the ring, but considering she’s only there for her looks and how good she fills out a tiny pair of shorts, I’ve seen FAR worse. Not terrible here but too long.

Robbie tries to fire up Jesse for his match later with Rob Terry. Once Jesse wins, he goes down in history with the great Bro’s of all time: George Washington, Al Bundy and Oprah. Jesse says he doesn’t need Robbie’s help.

Rob Terry vs. Jesse Godderz

Terry runs over Jesse to start as I guess the battle of the Rob’s is just continuing. Robbie E tries to distract Terry but Rob throws Jesse around by the throat. A second try at the distraction works a bit better and Jesse gets in some shots to the back and a dropkick. Jesse goes up but jumps into a powerslam for two as Robbie grabs the referee’s feet. Jesse tries to jump Terry again but gets launched into Robbie instead. Back in and the big spinebuster gets the pin on Jesse at 2:55.

Bad Influence offers Roode a spot in Fourtune. He thinks about it and Aries is lurking behind a wall.

We look at the Full Metal Mayhem match from a few weeks ago. Apparently Hardy is considering walking away from wrestling due to his injuries in that match.

Chris Sabin is coming back from injury.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Before the match Aries talks to Roode in the back and asks if Fourtune is what Roode wants to do. If they were so awesome, why did they just break up so fast? If they’re so great, why was Aries the one that beat him for the world title? Daniels has replaced Tenay on commentary for this match. Aries rides Chavo down to start and spins around on him, only to walk into a dropkick. Off to Hernandez for a splash for two on Roode before the delayed suplex puts Bobby down again.

SuperMex misses his running dive from the ramp and Roode pounds away. Off to Aries with the slingshot hilo followed by an Eddie dance for two. Roode comes back in for a Russian legsweep for two and here’s Aries with a front facelock. Hernandez makes a comeback with Daniels blaming Aries for the mistakes and calling Roode a ring sergeant.

Chavo tries the Three Amigos but has to settle for a spinning DDT on Roode. Everything breaks down but a Kazarian distraction lets Roode hit the spinebuster, only to have Hernandez kick Bobby into the ropes, crotching Aries in the process. Kaz interferes again and Daniels sneaks in….and accidentally take out Roode. Chavo Frog Splashes Roode to retain at 8:55.

Rating: C+. Bad Influence and Aries/Roode are some of the most entertaining guys in the sport right now, so we can’t get the tag belts off Chavo/Hernandez because…..someone complete that sentence for me. Why in the world do we have to sit through those two with the belts for so long? Their matches are pretty good but other than that there’s NOTHING of interest about them.

Matt Morgan says he’ll explain his solution to TNA’s problems in the ring and Hogan is invited.

We look at Hogan’s mistakes over the last few weeks.

Here’s Morgan in the ring to talk about Hogan’s mistakes. It started with Ray being allowed into the Hogan family and then naming him #1 contender to the world title. Morgan talks about Sting and Hogan being best friends for twenty plus years (I laughed out loud) and causing Hardy to be stretchered out. Cue Hulk for the showdown.

The fans chant for Hogan as Morgan says Hulk is out of backup. Tonight the bikers are going to beat Hogan down so Morgan offers himself as the solution to Aces and 8’s. He says that if Hulk gives him the chance, he’ll Carbon Footprint Ray’s head into the fifth row. However, there’s a catch: Morgan has to get the title shot at Slammiversary. Hulk says he Matt had him believing but at the end of the day, Morgan has done too much to Hogan for give him his shot. Hogan: “I never heard Andre the Giant whining.” Uh Hulk…..where were you when Wrestlemania III was being set up?

Bully makes the Bikers swear to not interfere.

You can vote for who gets an X Title shot.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky

The fans are extra excited for some reason here. Feeling out process to start until Velvet (defending here) hits a kick to the back and a low dropkick for two. She seems to be favoring her recently injured knee though. The knee gives out in the middle of an Irish whip and Mickie gets a fast two count. A kneeling leg lock has Velvet in trouble and we take a break.

Back with Mickie still cranking on the knee but Sky uses the good leg to kick out of the corner. The champion’s knee is suddenly FINE and she fights back with clotheslines and chops. A hard whip takes out the knee but Velvet hits a quick Russian legsweep for two. Mickie gets the same off the Thesz Press from the top and backdrops out of In Yo Face. The MickieDT is countered but the knee gives out again. Mickie dropkicks the knee….and is small packaged for the pin to keep the title on Velvet at 11:10. It’s as quick as it sounds.

Rating: D+. The story was fine but Velvet continues to be embarrassing in the ring. The knee suddenly being fine was really annoying and the ending was botched beyond belief. I couldn’t tell who got the pin until the music was playing and that’s not a good sign at all. Nothing to see here and I have no idea why they’re keeping the title on Velvet other than to give it to Terrell eventually.

Bully Ray says he’s finishing Hogan tonight.

Hulk is talking to Brooke and we get some bad acting from the daughter. Hulk promises he’ll be right back and has to do this alone.

Here’s Ray in the ring to list off everyone Aces and 8’s have taken out. There’s only Hogan left so get out here right now. Ray gets in Hogan’s face and says Hogan fears him because Ray reminds Hulk of himself. Ray says they’re both the last of a dying breed but Hulk says Hulkamania will never die.

The champ spits in Hogan’s face so Hogan tears the shirt open and points the finger in Hulk’s face. Ray points a finger in Hulk’s face and the fight is on. Ray of course runs and says surround the ring. Hogan is in trouble but the lights go out and Sting appears for the save. The Bikers run away and the old guys stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their best work. The Hogan stuff was by far the focus of the show and Hulk continued to prove why he’s kind of an idiot as GM. The wrestling was nothing special at all and this did nothing to make me want to see where this is going. It all feels like we’ve seen this before, which we have although it was in WCW. Now that story was sixteen years ago so it’s more than fair grounds to copy it, but at least give us something different. Not much to see here.

Results

Taryn Terrell b. Tara – Rollup

Rob Terry b. Jesse Godderz – Spinebuster

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode – Frog Splash to Roode

Velvet Sky b. Mickie James – Small Package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Lockdown 2005
Date: April 24, 2005
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 775
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

This is the first in the series and has my favorite TNA match ever on it. This is a show I’ve tried to find for a long time so this is a good treat. This was a show that was really weird when you first heard about it as every match is in the cage which was unthinkable when it was first announced. There are 8 matches here and one gets less than 14 minutes so this is a wrestling packed show. The company is still in its infancy here so the angles and a lot of the guys are going to be odd. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a creepy version of Ring Around the Rosey which is supposed to be about the cage. Wouldn’t that be Rosey Around the Ring in this case? The narrator talks about what the cage would say if it could talk. Apparently it’s more or less a haunted house.

West and Tenay tell us about all the different kind of matches we’re having. Yes, we’re actually having a TAG TEAM match in a cage. SHOCKING!

We see Nash sitting in the back and having a staff infection which means he’s out tonight.

Apollo/Sonny Siaki vs. Chris Candido/Lance Hoyt

Hoyt is Vance Archer. Tenay tries to tell us that all of these matches are going to be main event matches because they’re all in the cage. This isn’t a main event match anywhere in the country as Gorilla would not say I guess you would say. Apollo and Siaki are teaming together because they had a match together and are friends now or something. Sounds like a bromance to me.

Candido has been pretending to be hurt lately so no one can trust him. Or they can’t trust him because he’s a heel. That’s always a possibility. Apollo and Hoyt chop it out as the two big guys in this. Apollo gets a jumping back elbow to take him down. The fans chant shut the door for some reason. Candido is helped out of the cage. He had a broken leg and would be dead in four days due to a blood clot. He was 33.

So now it’s a handicap match with Hoyt hitting a moonsault for two. That was rather impressive actually. Siaki had a good look. I’m not sure why he never really did anything outside of this company. Siaki does the running Angle suplex on Hoyt as he’s in big trouble with the faces just picking him apart now. He misses a clothesline and kind of falls down. A TKO from Apollo sets up a top rope splash from Siaki for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was weak but at the same time it’s very hard to grade it fairly given the change they had to make maybe two minutes in. It really was a shame about Candido as he did nothing wrong and still died. I know often times we use the word tragedy loosely but this actually was as it was a pure accident. Anyway, the match isn’t very good but given what they had to work with it was ok.

Post match the Naturals, Candido’s team, comes out to yell at Hoyt who hurts them for a bit before the numbers catch up with him. I’d assume this is to fill in time due to the match likely having to be cut short. This goes on for a very long time.

Dusty is with Traci and Trinity which is a thing that was always disturbing. Apparently AMW and Team Canada got into a fight before the show started and nothing of note happens from that. We get the drawing for the first guys from both (three man) teams in Lethal Lockdown and it’s Jarrett vs. Waltman to start us off.

Dustin Rhodes talks about his match with Bobby (Robert) Roode which is about Texas vs. Canada. Yes, we get it, Texas has a lot of wrestlers and they’re all cowboys. Why are they fighting other than that? Who cares, as it’s a 2/3 Falls Prince of Darkness Death Match. The part that should shock no one is that the Prince of Darkness aspect means nothing at all. Roode was the henchman of Team Canada actually which is surprising.

Bobby Roode vs. Dustin Rhodes

That rock version of O Canada is kind of awesome. Oh ok apparently if we go to the third fall it’s a blindfold match. Why? Who care apparently as we have a gimmick! Roode gets a very fast pin. Or at least we think he did as there’s no signal from the referee, no bell, no announcement or anything like that. Thanks for letting us know that guys.

Dustin wants to do Shattered Dreams but is threatened with a DQ. He does it anyway and apparently that’s just fine. Perhaps it’s because this is a cage match? Top rope suplex to Roode which is saying a lot due to how tall Dustin is. Big powerslam gets two as it’s all Dustin at this point. Dustin gets another low blow but the bulldog is blocked and here comes Roode.

Roode does the multiple covers for two and we hit the chinlock. He shifts it into the rear naked choke. How is this really different than what Joe does where it’s lethal? It’s so weird hearing Roode being talked about as the muscle of the group. Ah apparently it’s not a choke but a camel clutch style grip. That explains a few things. Dustin counters with an electric chair and both guys are down.

Dustin sends him into the door and it pops open and knocks out the cameraman. That’s rather awesome. Set for the Final Curtain or whatever it’s called but Dustin stands around for about 45 seconds which is amazingly enough enough time for Roode to counter into his clothesline to the back of Dustin’s head which gets two because his foot is on the rope. Yes you can get out of a pin in a cage match with your foot on the rope. I give up.

Roode goes for a German off the top but he’s no Kurt Angle so Dustin rams his head into the cage and hits the bulldog to tie it up. I hate that move. And now we put on hoods for absolutely no reason at all. Is there ANY explanation for this being added in? Yep this is stupid as they stumble around trying to find each other and they’ve got nothing.

They finally back into each other so Dustin grabs a headlock but Roode shoves him off. Then they take out the referee as I look for a noose to attach to my neck. D’Amore throws in a chair and then climbs in himself. Roode doesn’t get who is there so he cracks his coach with a chair. Dustin gets the chair and cracks Roode with it for the pin. Sweet goodness this was stupid.

Rating: D-. This was stupid before the hoods and then ridiculous once they went on. What in the world was the point to that? Also we get to hear Dustin’s stupid banjo/country song twice now. Someone explain the point to this gimmick to me? Can anyone do that? I can’t find any explanation for it. Ah Russo was in charge at this point. There’s your answer.

Christopher Daniels runs down XXX and Skipper, his partner in that team. Skipper comes up to yell at him and says the time is right. That match is later of course.

Xscape Match: Matt Bentley vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Chris Sabin vs. Shocker

I miss the HAIL SABIN thing. The idea here is you have to get rid of two guys by traditional means and then get out of the cage once it’s one on one. This isn’t for anything apparently. Shocker is a luchador. Sweet goodness they have to tag in this. Does anyone think these things through? Sabin and Dutt give us a gymnastic routine to start which gets a well rounded golf clap.

Dutt was insane to watch. He wasn’t particularly good but he was fun to watch. Tenay tries to tell us that this is the tallest cage in wrestling. They’ve never been to an OVW cage match. That this is taller than the Cell. Dutt and Shocker double team Bentley. He never was very good but he’s Shawn Michaels cousin so there you go. Dutt is bleeding from the elbow. Bentley beats him up for a bit. Thankfully the Bentley Bounce isn’t part of this match.

More gymnastics from Dutt who brings in Sabin again. This is a spotfest if I’ve ever seen one. There’s no flow or anything to it as they just move from spot to spot. Not saying it’s bad mind you, but it’s just kind of all over the place. West: the wall of the steel cage is like a wall of steel. Somehow he’s still better than Tazz. Shocker comes back in and gets a cradle on Bentley for two.

Bentley gets a reverse Tarantula on Shocker, as in his legs are wrapped around Shocker’s head and he’s grabbing Shocker’s feet while their backs are facing each other. Dutt comes in to put a chinlock on Bentley so Sabin comes in to put a Boston Crab on Dutt. Cool looking spot but it’s not like it gets us anywhere as they break it in a few seconds.

Sabin hits a BIG running powerbomb on Dutt but Shocker saves for no apparent reason. Bentley sends Dutt into the cage but Shocker cleans house and hits a corkscrew elbow to get rid of Dutt. Shocker vs. Bentley now with Shocker going up but getting hit by a Northern Lights Suplex off the top for two.

Trinity, the chick there with Bentley, comes up to help him so Traci comes out to stop her. And so much for that as she gets shoved off and hurts her ankle. Trinity goes to the top of the cage and hits a BIG moonsault off the top to take out all three guys. Traci comes in again and AGAIN gets shoved out. Sabin gets Cradle Shock on Bentley to get us down to one on one.

Ok so now it’s an escape match. They both get crotched on the top rope and we’re both down. And then they both climb at the same time and fight on top of the cage before both drop down but Shocker hits first. I’d love someone to just jump off the top and run through the door instead of climbing down like that one time. Kind of a weak ending.

Rating: C+. Pretty fun match here but the ending and the tagging hurt it a good deal. That moonsault from Trinity was pretty freaking awesome though and I’m surprised it’s not on more highlight reels. It’s a shame this wasn’t like, for something other than bragging rights I guess. Not bad and I’ve never gotten why Shocker just kind of left as he was pretty good.

We’re told Candido’s leg was broken and we see clips of it. Naturally no one knew what would come of this so it’s not like they were exploiting it.

We recap Hardy vs. Raven which the idea was Raven wanted to hook up with Hardy or something and Hardy said no because he wrestled for his fans (who never got him anything but three WWE Titles and his job in TNA once he left WWE). Raven didn’t like him saying no so he hit him with a garbage can. That sounds like a recipe for a tables match if I’ve ever heard one.

Jeff Hardy vs. Raven

Tables match here because it needed a gimmick clearly. Hardy doesn’t get that apparently and comes out with chairs. TNA supplied the tables I guess since there’s at least one in there when we start. Hardy has been reborn apparently. Wow that happens to him a lot. I love that hole in the cage that TNA uses as it’s a really unique look for cage matches. Raven in control here with pretty basic stuff.

Hardy has some red/pink paint on his skin so it looks like he’s covered in blood. Raven gets the DDT and puts Hardy against a table in the corner. He misses his shoulder into it though so Jeff hasn’t won yet. At least they covered that earlier on. This is getting rather boring rather quickly. Raven is bleeding and it’s pretty bad after a bit. Raven goes up for what looks like the Stroke off the top but they just pretty much jump off the top with no contact at all.

Some New York Mets are here. Twist of Fate by Hardy and now it’s table time again. He’s a rock and roll star now too apparently. Raven is put on the table and Jeff goes all the way up to the top of the cage and takes forever to get there, meaning Raven of course gets out of the way for the big bump. Trinity’s was better. We waste a bit of time with Raven taking control and then Jeff fighting back.

Hardy tries to open Raven up a bit more and then hits him in the back. And there’s a low blow to take care of that offensive streak. Something TNA didn’t get back in the day: long matches don’t mean good matches. Jeff does Raven’s drop toehold to Raven which he isn’t the best at selling. He climbs out for no apparent reason and Raven shoves the door open to crotch Jeff on it.

Apparently when Jeff gets bored he climbs out of cages. It makes as much sense as anything else I suppose. Jeff jumps off as apparently drugs make your balls invulnerable and jumps into a boot. There are pieces of at least four tables in there. Think that’s enough? Actually make that six plus two chairs. Raven sets up two double stacks of tables and then climbs up like an idiot. Jeff knocks him onto them and hits a leg drop off the top to “drive” Raven through them but the lack of room and the high amount of tables made it look like it was in slow motion.

Rating: D. Did ANYONE want to see Raven vs. Jeff in a 15 minute tables match in a cage? Have you ever seen a one fall fifteen minute tables match? Just WAY too long here with Raven being boring for the most part and Jeff just wanting to jump off high things and no sell metal pipes hitting his balls. I fail to see the point here for the most part and this just didn’t do it for me in the slightest. What reason was there for this to be a tables match? Someone explain that to me please. I’d like a reason.

We recap the tag title match which is AMW vs. Team Canada. AMW is the original great tag team in TNA and basically this feud has been going on forever because Team Canada wants the titles.

We recap the Hardy vs. Raven match a bit first because they have to clear the ring.

Tag Titles: America’s Most Wanted vs. Team Canada

This is a strap match and Team Canada is Petey Williams and Eric Young. AMW made this a strap match earlier today so no one got to hear about it. I wonder if that was intentional. Young is just a generic heel here that was only a bit nuts but not quite. More eccentric than anything else. AMW is James Storm and Chris “Braden Walker” Harris. They were awesome and I want one of their trench coats.

AMW are cage veterans after the EPIC cage match they had with XXX which I’ll have to get to soon. Harris and Williams fight on the floor while Young tries to get out but Storm beats the tar out of him up on top. They crotch Young on top and ram his legs into the cage. A-1, the Canadian muscle dude, hits Harris with the belt so he’s stuck on the floor. He gets Storm with it too so the champions are in trouble.

With Harris outside the idiot security guard locks the cage. Does no one pay attention in this company? A-1 keeps beating up Harris on the floor which is fine apparently. Young is a daredevil apparently. He’s still annoying. The Canadians beat up Storm in the ring as we’re just waiting on Harris to make the Superman comeback and get in. Storm is bleeding.

About three fans try to get a let’s go cowboy (Storm’s nickname at the time) chant going and it’s just sad. A-1, back COVERED in acne, sends Harris into the table. Williams and Young get the American flag off the top of the cage and use it to choke Storm before the referee gets it away. Well that was pointless. Storm makes a brief comeback as Harris knocks A-1 into the railing. And so much for that as Young knocks Harris down off the cage and into the railing.

Storm just goes OFF on Young with the strap but walks into a tornado DDT from Williams for two. There’s a you f’d up chant about something but it’s not really clear what. Harris takes A-1 down again before trying to get in for like the 7th time. FINALLY he gets in and takes out Team Canada with a double clothesline that doesn’t hit Young at all but who cares?

This is an actual 2-2 match about ten minutes in. We get it to even or so before the fans chant TURKEY LEGS at something. Williams goes for a Sharpshooter as Young adds an elbow off the top which breaks up the Sharpshooter but only gets two. Young broke up Williams’ Sharpshooter if you missed that as it was a bit odd. Canadian Destroyer is broken up by a Harris spear for two.

Death Sentence (Trash Compactor) misses and A-1 slips the flag/hockey stick in through the camera hole and a shot from that to Harris gets two. When that doesn’t work A-1 slips some powder to Williams but it’s kicked back into his face. He can’t see so he low blows Young and hits the Destroyer on him. A Death Sentence to Williams ends this seconds later.

Rating: B-. Pretty good stuff here with AMW being on defense for the vast majority of the time but eventually winning when they, the champions, were united. Also the whole cheating backfiring thing worked very well too with the evil Canadians trying one time too many to cheat and it catching up with them. AMW was awesome but they had no competition which is what caught up with them eventually.

We recap Skipper vs. Daniels. They lost a match at Turning Point (which the video package gets wrong, saying it was in 2002 when it was 2004) meaning they couldn’t team together again. This led to a fatal fourway at Destination X where Daniels turned on Skipper and pinning him to get the title, setting this up. The voiceover guy is way too upbeat.

X-Division Title: Christopher Daniels vs. Elix Skipper

Let’s see if Daniels can have a match that doesn’t bore me to death. I know he’s like the king of the Indies or whatever but he just bores me to death for the most part other than when he’s fighting Joe or AJ. Feeling out process to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Both finishers are blocked early with a lot of takedowns and nice mat work, especially by Skipper who I’ve always liked a bit.

Can we do something other than a gymnastics competition? There were four attempts at leapfrogs which no one went under so they were just running and jumping. Daniels chops away but walks into a butterfly suplex to give Skipper something of an advantage. Daniels sends him into the cage to reverse that though as we’re almost five minutes in and it’s still little more than feeling out.

This works actually as they were talking about how they knew each other so well before the match so the counters and no one being able to get an extended advantage works. Skipper’s arm is hurt after going into the cage and we have some psychology coming into play. This goes on for a good while as Daniels pounds on it with basic moves for a good while.

An armdrag from the middle rope takes down Skipper again and more arm work follows. By that I mean about five minutes straight at this point. A one arm spinebuster gets Skipper some relief. The announcers are talking about Skipper’s cage walk being listed as the #1 cage match moment in TNA history. Yes apparently there’s a list of cage match moments for a company less than three years old.

Skipper hits a guillotine leg drop off the top to get two. He goes for something that looked like Orton’s backbreaker but the shoulder gives out. Best Moonsault Ever gets two so he goes all the way to the top for I’d assume another one but Skipper gets up to crotch him. He teases the cage walk again but Daniels gets down. Skipper is like screw it and jumps off the top to hit Daniels but takes out the referee too for just a bit. He goes for Sudden Death but his shoulder gives out and Angels Wings (a lifting sitout Pedigree) ends it.

Rating: B. Fun stuff here again with basically a mat based and technical match that happened to be in a cage. This of course begs the question of why was this in a cage. There was no point to having this in there as it would have been more or less the same match without it. Then again why am I looking for logic in a company like this? The match was good though with the psychology playing in throughout the whole match which is the best it’s going to get.

Dusty lets us know the next guy in the Lethal Lockdown match. There are six total so there won’t be a coin toss apparently. In third is….censored, but if you can read lips you can see he says The Outlaw.

We recap Lethal Lockdown which is WarGames light at this point. It’s only three on three here with the main feud being DDP vs. Jarrett who is world champion here. They keep censoring the word Outlaw on this which might be a DVD thing or something. We know who he is already so it’s kind of odd. Maybe a copyright thing. The other guys are Sean Waltman (X-Pac) and Nash (injured remember) with Page and Outlaw (censored) and Monty Brown. Outlaw’s name is censored again and it’s blurred out on the graphic but his face is shown. Very odd indeed.

Lethal Lockdown: Team Page vs. Team Jarrett

You can bring your own weapons and it’s five minutes to start. Waltman vs. Jarrett to start. Waltman is in street clothes and brings a trash can. I guess he brought his home with him and sold his gear for crack. Jarrett is in street clothes too. Please do not call this a bunkhouse match. He has his own trash can full of weapons too. They fight in the aisle to start.

They’re in the crowd now as the cage sits empty. That’s rather unfair to it. I bet it’s lonely. They fight in the crowd and there’s no camera so we can’t see anything. This is already making my head hurt. And now they separate for awhile as the clock for the five minutes continues to count down. On the announce table now with Jarrett getting destroyed. Dang it there’s a bullrope and cowbell. WHAT IS WRESTLING’S OBSESSION WITH THOSE STUPID THINGS???

A chair shot misses Jarrett and after three minutes we’re finally in the cage. Basic cage offense follows with Waltman in control. Bronco Buster misses and both guys are down with forty seconds left. Waltman takes him down as Kip James (not called Outlaw here) is in third. He’s on Team Jarrett and they have a two minute advantage now. What is with the street clothes here?

They spend the vast majority of these two minutes walking around with the occasional stomp coming. DDP comes in and pulls the Singapore cane out like Leonardo pulling out a sword, thereby making him awesome. Things pick up a bit but we’re just killing time here. Monty Brown comes in with DDP controlling for the most part. That’s the last heel to come in.

Brown has a bat and of course a shot to the back of Page doesn’t injure him severely. Jarrett breaks the cane over the back of Page which he still gets up from. The cameraman decides a shot of Jarrett’s legs is more important than whatever the other guys are doing. The final guy is BG James (Road Dogg, who is part of a rap stable with Konnan and R-Truth at this point).

BG hits the referee and we get the showdown between the Outlaws (censored) and it goes nowhere. Bronco Buster to Jarrett. Brown Pounces everyone but Page breaks up the pin. This is more or less just a glorified six man hardcore match. Diamond Cutter to Jarrett gets two as he makes sure to shift over so that Kip can break it up. Waltman and Brown do an awful looking sequence so then they do it again so that Waltman can get the pin.

Rating: D+. Just ok at best here with nothing of note going on. Page’s team wins and the feud more or less went nowhere after this. This was more or less absolutely nothing with too few people, nothing special in terms of violence and just dull overall. Waltman won on a victory roll of all things. A violent match won with a victory roll. Let that sink in a bit.

A bit more brawling goes on afterwards and the Outlaws stare at each other a bit.

We recap the main event. Basically Abyss had been a monster jerk and AJ stood up to him. The match is for the #1 contendership and gets Jarrett at Hard Justice. One of the earliest memories I have of TNA is this brawl they had on Impact where Abyss destroyed him.

Abyss vs. AJ Styles

For the few of you that might be wondering, this is my favorite TNA match ever. AJ is YOUNG looking here which is saying a lot as he’s still young today but here he looks like he’s about 19. He’s a two time world champion here though which is never mentioned anymore for no apparent reason. Abyss is listed at 350lbs here again but he’s a LOT slimmer looking here.

He still has the chains here which were a nice touch for him. I have no idea why but they are. AJ dives through the door to take down Abyss before he gets in. Abyss tries to whip him into the railing but AJ baseball slides UNDERNEATH the railing and jumps up onto it and hits a rana to take down Abyss. That was freaking awesome and happened inside of five seconds.

All AJ to start as we’re still on the floor. Abyss had more or less been unstoppable recently since splitting from his stablemate Alex Shelley (let that sink in for a bit) so this is a major showdown and seeing Abyss reeling is odd to see. Abyss fights him back and whips him into the railing again so this time AJ channels his inner Morrison and double jumps up to a platform into the crowd, spins around and jumps over FIVE ROWS of fans to his the forearm on Abyss. This is one of the most awesome performances I’ve ever seen and we’re maybe three minutes into this.

AJ dives at Abyss on the railing ala Sting but instead of crashing into it clears the railing by a good foot and hits the ground in the crowd. Abyss pounds on him a bit but AJ just kicks the tar out of him to escape for a bit. West talks about Kenny Chesney for absolutely no apparent reason.

They open the door of the cage after about six minutes of brawling. The difference between this and the stupid stuff before: this was INCREDIBLY entertaining and the fans were way into it as opposed to Jarrett and Waltman walking around and occasionally hitting each other with something. AJ and Abyss never stopped moving and the fans were into it because of it. The difference here: hard work works better than walking around hitting each other with weapons.

AJ punches Abyss HARD but gets the cage door slammed into his arm and then his face where he snaps down to the floor. It looked like he got hit by a bus or something as fast as he hit the ground. Great selling there. AJ is busted open and Abyss pounds away even more. AJ finally in the cage now as Abyss looks under the ring for the bag of tacks. About eight and a half minutes in they’re in the cage together.

Abyss chokes him with the chain and we play tug of war. AJ simply will not quit and keeps hammering away to no avail though. With the chain on the top turnbuckle, Abyss launches AJ over his head in kind of a forced leapfrog and his head slams into the chain. The fans think this is awesome and for once they’re right. They stop for a bit for the a neck crank and AJ sells it perfectly too.

AJ charges again but Abyss grabs him in a gorilla press and LAUNCHES him up to just let him crash down. He tries it again but AJ counters into a DDT onto the chain. Two punches and an enziguri takes Abyss down as does a headscissors. AJ hits a moonsault press but Abyss just lets him bounce off which was cool looking. AJ sends him into a chair into the corner that Abyss set up and gets a German suplex for two that looked freaking good.

He goes for the Styles Clash but Abyss is way too big for that. Chokeslam is countered into a rollup for two. AJ gets another running start but walks into the Black Hole Slam for a VERY long two. Dang Abyss looks awesome (what am I saying?) when he really uncorks that thing. Yep there are the tacks. Black Hole Slam into them are countered as is a powerbomb.

AJ gets the Styles Clash (ok more like a falling face first slam but we’ll give it to him) into the tacks for two. Wow I would have bet on that being the ending. You know if I didn’t know the ending already. Abyss is ROCKED here which was unthinkable until this match. AJ goes to the top of the cage and Abyss can’t catch him. His solution: throw the referee at the cage to knock AJ off. That was awesome.

Abyss climbs up as AJ is barely hanging on. He goes up with the chain and might be thinking to hang him as he had on Impact. Yep that’s what he’s going for. AJ is on the outside and Abyss on the inside and yep he’s hanging him. AJ gets the chain off somehow and Abyss grabs the chokeslam. AJ bites his fingers and opens them up too! AJ jumps off the top of the cage and hits a freaking sunset flip powerbomb onto the tacks from the top of the cage to get the pin as Abyss is DEAD.

Rating: A+. OH YES! AJ was absolutely amazing here and it was definitely Abyss’ best match ever. This was just a total war for twenty minutes with AJ never stopping and taking it to Abyss much like Flair did back at Starrcade 93 to Vader. There was no gimmick here as it was just a big old fight in a cage with weapons brought in for fun. AJ would get the title the next month….and then lose it to Raven the next month because the world was clamoring for more Raven and less AJ. Uh…sure. He wouldn’t get it back for over four years.

Overall Rating: B. If you cut off about an hour of this show (as in three of the first four matches or so) this is an awesome show. The first two matches were pretty bad, the third was decent, Hardy vs. Raven got fifteen minutes which was just ridiculous and then the rest other than maybe Lethal Lockdown was very good. The early days of this company’s PPV era were very hit or miss and this one was a hit for the most part but for the most part this worked. Fun show but VERY dragging so I’d recommend a fast forward button here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

TNA Weekly PPV #14
Date: September 25, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

So after last week’s near disaster we’re back to Tennessee for more of TNA’s early nonsense. This week our main event is Jarrett vs. BG James to keep up the feud that no one is really interested in but it’s Jarrett’s company so there’s not much else you can do. Other than that we’ve got Lynn vs. Killings again, although this time for the X Title. Let’s get to it.

We open in the back with Siaki and Lynn brawling due to Sonny costing Lynn the world title last week.

Tenay and West run down the card.

Sonny Siaki vs. Jerry Lynn

Siaki is a more generic heel now and isn’t dressed like Elvis anymore. Red takes him out before Siaki can eve get to the ring with a senton followed by a shooting star off the apron. They head inside where Siaki comes back with a flapjack and neckbreaker for two, only to have Red snap off a pair of kicks. The Amazing one shrugs off some shoulders in the corner to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two more.

Red charges into a backdrop to send him to the floor though, allowing Siaki to drop him onto various metal things. Somewhat geeky manager Mortimer Plumtree is watching from the ramp. Back in and Siaki gets a few near falls off a belly to belly suplex before putting on a quick bearhug. Red fights out and seems to leave a leapfrog a bit short. Oh wait he landed on Siaki’s back on purpose to turn it into a sunset bomb for two. Red hits a kind of STO off the middle rope but misses some kind of a dive off the top, allowing Siaki to hit a kind of neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: C+. Good opener here with power vs. speed which almost never fails. Red was a flip machine which is fine, as Siaki played the heel role well at this point. I don’t remember Red being around much before this so seeing him was a nice surprise for the fans. He would be a big cult favorite for a long time.

Post match Jorge Estrada pops up on the stage and says before tonight is over, he’s getting Siaki’s Elvis gear. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a feud.

In the back, Ron Killings is beating up Amazing Red, shouting that he’s getting rid of the X-Division because it devalues the world title.

We recap America’s Most Wanted (Harris and Storm) winning the tag belts last week.

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Harris

This is a tables match and Harris/Storm aren’t known as AMW yet. For the sake of simplicity, only Ron Harris will be referred to as Harris here. The challengers jump them to start and only one person has to go through the table for the win. It’s Lee pounding on Chris to start but Chris comes back with a backdrop and clothesline to put both guys on the floor. Chris dives on Lee but gets caught, only to have Storm dive as well to take everyone down.

Another brawl breaks out as the tables haven’t been a factor yet. Harris pounds Chris down before it’s back to Lee for more slow pounding. Harris slides in a table and sets it up in the corner but Storm makes the save. After Storm is sent out, Harris powerslams Chris down instead of sending him through a table because Harris isn’t that bright. He does the same thing with a suplex and it’s off to Lee for some of the worst elbow drops you’ll ever see. He basically pulls his elbow up before hitting Chris’ chest.

Lee misses a top rope knee drop and Chris makes the tag off to Storm. Everything breaks down and Harris is knocked to the floor. Lee is sent to the apron but manages to clothesline both champions down. AMW fights up and knocks Lee off the apron through a table which I don’t remember being set up to retain.

Rating: D-. Not only did the match suck, but did we really need a gimmick to protect RON FREAKING HARRIS and Brian Lee? TNA is trying to push AMW as a big deal but they can’t even get a clean pin over these two lunkheads? Last week there was the mess with the ropes and now they have to have a tables match? Is Ron Harris’ spot THAT important? The match sucked too as the tables were barely a factor.

Post match Harris beats up the champions and puts Storm through a table. Security comes out to break it up until Don Harris, Ron’s twin brother, comes out for a staredown. The champions are a complete afterthought here, and we get the last thing we need here: ANOTHER guy named Harris.

In the parking lot, Bruce gets into a fight with a handicapped woman named Sara the Ticket Lady. Can we please end this character already?

Here’s Ron Killings to complain about how bad of a town “Trashville” is. Truth complains about rats and says the fans wouldn’t like them in their bed. That’s either a stupid line or a REALLY clever insider lingo joke but we’ll go with the former. He’s also not happy with the prejudice going on around here because he hasn’t seen Ricky Steamboat since he won the title. Truth doesn’t like not having merchandise or a private dressing room and as he’s starting to complain about the X-Division, here’s BG James.

James talks about a posse in his pants and their time back in the WWF where James stood up for Truth with the boys in the back. They go back and forth with stupid lines and the brawl is on with BG taking over. BG says that just unlike Demi Moore and Tom Cruise, he can handle the Truth. Next.

Brian Lawler and his girlfriend April argue about nothing in particular. At least I think they do as you can hear JB hyping up the card to the live crowd in the background. I mean he’s drowning out the interview.

AJ Styles vs. Low Ki

This is 2/3 falls and the winner gets a shot at the X Title. Feeling out process to start as AJ cranks on the arm before they head to the mat for a headlock by Styles. Back up and Low Ki escapes the wristlock and chops away, only to be taken down by an atomic drop. Low Ki sends him to the floor and hits a running flip attack off the apron to take over again. Back in and a hard kick to AJ’s back gets two and it’s back to the chops to the neck.

AJ crotches him on the top rope and hits a backbreaker/gutbuster combo to take over again. A nice dropkick in the corner gets two for Styles but Low Ki comes back with some chops. Off to a chinlock with AJ’s knee in Low Ki’s back for a few seconds before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up again and Low Ki hits what we would call the Disaster Kick for two before putting on the seated Dragon Sleeper for the submission and the first fall.

The second fall begins with Low Ki being sent throat first into the middle rope and clotheslined down for two. A delayed suplex puts Ki down and AJ pounds away. Styles hits a standing enziguri to put Low on the floor, but as he heads out, Low Ki kicks Styles in the head. AJ slams him down onto the ramp to break another Dragon Sleeper before we head back inside. A sunset bomb is countered by Low Ki but AJ keeps rolling into a sunset flip for the pin and the second fall.

AJ poses so Low Ki kicks him square in the jaw to send him to the floor. Once they’re both on the floor, AJ takes out Low’s knee before firing off kicks to the knee back inside. They both go up to the middle rope and after the Styles Clash is broken up, AJ comes off with a shin breaker to Low Ki. Off to a modified spinning toe hold but Low Ki rolls through it for two. Low Ki rolls through a powerbomb into a rana for two but can’t hook the Dragon Sleeper again. After a somewhat botched rollup attempt, AJ hits the Clash for the pin and the title shot next week.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but the lack of selling got annoying after awhile. I’m still not a fan of Low Ki at all as the kicking drives me crazy, but at least he threw in some ranas here to keep things fresher. AJ getting back into the X Title picture was a solid idea as he and Lynn had the best matches in the company so far. Not bad at all here.

Jarrett says he’ll eliminate Hall, Waltman and BG to get the title that he wants.

Elix Skipper/Brian Lawler vs. Scott Hall/Syxx-Pac

Skipper slips while trying to moonsault into the ring. Lawler makes sure to cover up his girlfriend’s body during the entrance. Pac and Skipper start things off with Elix getting a crotch chop for his efforts. Hall gives Elix one of the same, sending Skipper into such a rage that he misses a spin kick. A second attempt connects with Pac’s jaw and it’s off to Hall vs. Lawler. Hall throws the toothpick at Lawler, sending him out to the floor in a fit. Back in, more stalling, more yelling at the girlfriend.

Off to Skipper again before Lawler has any contact at all. At least he earned his paycheck tonight. Anyway Elix gets pounded down and chokeslammed for two before bailing to the floor. Some double teaming by the heels allows them to crotch Hall on the post and it’s off to Lawler for some biting and punching. A suplex puts Hall down and it’s off to Skipper for a top rope ax handle.

Hall puts Skipper down with a belly to back suplex but let’s look at Lawler yelling at Don West for talking to April. Off to Syxx who cleans house. An X-Factor gets two on Skipper with Lawler making the save. Everything breaks down and Pac misses the Bronco Buster on Skipper. Lawler and Hall fight as Elix goes up top, only to dive into the X-Factor for the pin.

Rating: D. These matches with the big stars are getting to be insufferable. They’re sloppy, by the book and really dull all the way throughout. I have no idea why Elix Skipper was involved in the match here but at least he was someone young and different from the regular “stars”. Nothing to see here at all.

Post match Jarrett runs out to beat down Hall and Pac.

AJ implies that he wants a ladder match for the title.

Bruce comes out and calls himself the only woman in TNA. Sara the Ticket Lady comes out and yells and that’s about it.

Kid Kash vs. Jorge Estrada

Feeling out process to start with Estrada taking over with an armdrag. Mortimer Plumtree is watching again as Jorge headscissors Kash down and clotheslines him to the floor. Jorge leaves a suicide dive WAY short and lands on his head in a SICK crash. Back in and Kash takes over with a double springboard backsplash for two back inside. Estrada thankfully doesn’t have a broken neck and comes back with a hiptoss and a standing shooting star for two.

Jorge goes up but Kash shoves the referee into the ropes to crotch him down. A top rope rana brings Estrada down but Kash charges into an elbow in the corner. Kash pokes him in the eye and hits a DDT for two, only to have his rana countered into a powerbomb for two for Jorge. Estrada busts out the TCB (Taking Care of Business), a big flippy dive for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a battle of the flips here which is about what you would expect from a show like this. Estrada isn’t bad and Kash is Kash so the match was entertaining but the lack of selling continues. This is another match which was here to give us the post match stuff because we need our Elvis developments.

Estrada demands his suit back and we see Siaki burning it in a barrel.

We recap Siaki costing Lynn the world title last week.

X-Division Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

This is a lumberjack match and all of the lumberjacks are X-Division guys. Killings tries to bail to the floor early but Low Ki sends him back inside. Back in and Lynn pounds away with a bunch of right hands before bulldogging Truth down for two. Truth bails to the floor again for the same result, only this time he manages a top rope shoulder to take over. Now it’s Jerry getting thrown to the floor for a stomping by Kash. AJ, the only X guy not at ringside, is on the stage with a ladder.

Back in and the challenger gets two off a backbreaker and the same from a powerslam. That works so well that Truth hits another one before putting on a front facelock with his feet on the ropes. Lynn comes back with a reverse DDT and a powerbomb for two more but Truth stops him cold with a low blow. Low Ki is annoyed and yells at Killings, so Jerry rams them together and hits a TKO to retain the title.

Rating: C-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Truth is feuding with the X-Division, so his first match in the feud is against the champion. He loses there, so now he goes down the division to fight lower level talent, all while being the World Champion? Does this sound as stupid to anyone else but me? The match wasn’t great but it was better than last week’s mess.

West hypes up the show for next week.

BG James vs. Jeff Jarrett

Main event time. BG says he’s Jeff’s second mountain and he can’t be negotiated. BG shoulders him down to start and pounds away with right hands. The shaky knee gets two but Jeff comes back with an enziguri to take over. Roadie fires off the juke and jive as we hear about them being together in the WWF back in 95. Out to the floor for some chair shots from James to knock Jeff into the crowd.

Jarrett gets in some chair shots of his own to take over and we go back to ringside. Jeff slams him into the announce table and pounds on the back and face with the chair some more. Back inside we go for the running crotch again in 619 position and a sleeper by Jeff. James fights up after two arm drops and puts on a sleeper of his own, only to be suplexed down by Jarrett.

Both guys are down now which is likely a good thing given the ample gut that Road Dogg has on him at the moment. Back up and James takes over with right hands but the referee takes a shot to the head. Jeff wedges a chair between the ropes but goes face first into it instead, giving James two. Elix Skipper and Brian Lawler come out to help Jarrett but Jeff nails Lawler by mistake, giving BG two more. The referee gets rid of the cronies so Jeff can hit James with a chair for a near fall. BG hits the anal rape pumphandle for two, only to have Skipper and Lawler run in for a DQ.

Rating: D. Could this have been any more overbooked? At the end of the day this BG James/Jarrett/Lawler stuff is completely uninteresting and I’m still not sure why they’re even fighting. The match was your standard Attitude Era brawl and the match was nothing of note. The X Title match really should have gone on last here.

Post match Hall and Syxx-Pac come out for the big brawl but Truth evens the odds and Jarrett and company stand tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. These shows are all suffering from the same problems: the overbooking of the main event and the lack of anyone caring about people like Lawler and BG James. Now I will give them this: they’re logically setting up feuds and stories with what looks like a six man tag set up for next week. The X Title stuff is WAY better than anything else but it’s not enough to get you through a two hour show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Lockdown 2009
Date: April 19, 2009
Location: Liacouras Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 4,500
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

I’m doing this one for two reasons. First of all I want to get some more TNA shows done. Second, I read Foley’s book recently and I wanted to see how this match holds up by his comparisons. I watched this when it first aired and thought it was decent but was legitimately surprised with the ending. I remember nothing else about the show so this is kind of a fresh look for me. Let’s get to it.

I’m skipping the preshow as I have no desire to watch Danny Bonaduce in a match. And yes that happens.

The opening video only talks about Sting vs. Foley and the rest of the matches. I’m not a fan of this concept as it defeats the purpose of cage matches. It’s the Smashing Pumpkins speaking the words to Bullet With Butterfly Wings with some modified lyrics. We see Sting getting hit by a chair by Mick. The feud was about Foley not being done but Sting saying he was done. That comes off better than how Foley described it in words.

X-Division Title: Suicide vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Kiyoshi

This is an Xscape match where it’s first person out wins. Suicide is champion here. He appears in the ring which is rather cool. He kicks Bashir and it’s off. Ok with five people in there I can certainly live with this. Dang it this isn’t just the get out of the cage thing. You have to get three people out by pin or submission and THEN it’s first out wins. Sweet GOODNESS dude can you please keep ONE set of rules for ONE match?

Lethal Consequences beat up Bashir a bit as not much is going on here. Bashir is the favorite here for no apparent reason. They beat up everyone in sight and pin Kiyoshi after the big elbow from Lethal. This is really just a bunch of spots in a row. These are hard to get into as there is no real point to paying attention with the three pins needing to happen before anyone can escape.

Sheik pins Creed after a DDT which is called the WMDDT. I give up. DangI do that a lot don’t I? Big clothesline by Suicide to Lethal gets two. Suicide hits his finisher on Lethal so Bashir steals the pin which accomplishes nothing for him from an individual perspective but we’re down to the final two so the show is that much closer to being over so I’m not complaining.

Bashir is almost out until Suicide grabs his head to pull him back through the door. Cool visual if nothing else. They’re both sitting on the top of the cage and hammering away. Bashir almost falls twice and finally does on the third try. Kiyoshi won’t let Suicide go down so he’s like screw it and jumps onto the security guards to take them all out and keep the title.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here but it could have been worse. I wish they would just stick with one set of rules or find a better name for the freaking thing. Suicide winning here is nice but I’d like to see a new champion here for a change. This wasn’t a great match but it was good enough for an opener for a show like this where everything is a gimmick match.

Sweet goodness Lauren is gorgeous. She’s with Daniels and AJ who are on the same page and aren’t worried about Jarrett.

Madison Rayne vs. Sojourner Bolt vs. ODB vs. Daffney

This is Queen of the Cage which I think is just a fatal fourway for the name Queen of the Cage. Rayne is fairly new here. Apparently the winner gets a title shot. Deaner is with ODB. Daffney was the Governor recently as TNA decided to have a Sarah Palin character. ODB gets some Liquid Courage to make things all good. There’s an album pitch in there somewhere.

I’m pretty sure this is just the first fall wins it. Yeah that’s what it is according to West. Everyone beats down ODB and then the other three have a little thing. Deaner slips the flask through the cage to her which fires her way up. Daffney hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza on Bolt. More drinking from ODB which is spat into Bolt’s face and a powerslam ends it.

Rating: D. Yeah I hated this. It was like six minutes long and was based around the joke of her more or less being an alcoholic. This was a waste of time and the ending was about as clear as a glass of water. Deaner and the whole white trash angle made Noble and Nidia look good. Not a fan of these matches at all.

We run down the rest of the card again.

Jarrett is here. All the members of his team but Joe is here.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Titles: Motor City Machine Guns vs. No Limit vs. LAX

Yes there are two Japanese tag titles on the line tonight, making a total of THREE tag title matches on one show. Oh it’s ok though as they’re globally recognized. You know, as opposed to when someone is the WORLD champion and are champions of the whole WORLD. Yeah the WORLD tag team champions aren’t globally recognized but these are. Sweet goodness I’m not a fan of this alleged cross promotional nonsense. This is a tornado match.

No Limit is a Japanese team that means nothing at all. We have five cruiserweights and Hernandez in here. Take a guess as to what kind of a match this is. One fall to a finish here. They try to explain how Hernandez can be in a Junior Heavyweight Title match and it doesn’t make sense as they say it’s like the X Division where there isn’t a weight limit, which of course is ridiculous due to the FREAKING NAME OF THE TITLE.

LAX dominates as amazingly enough, the one guy not like the others dominates the whole time. This is plodding along with two guys doing stuff while four lay down then repeat. The Guns remember that they’re the Guns and hammer away on SuperMex. Everyone beats up Shelley as Hernandez does even more stuff.

LAX in control now as they have been for a good while now. Yujiro of No Limit kicks out of a bunch of double team stuff. Sabin takes a very original move as Hernandez grabs him by the throat and throws him over his head like a belly to belly suplex but by his throat. Sweet goodness that was pretty awesome. The crowd isn’t exactly interested here either if you were wondering.

Naito misses a big spinning moonsault as the Guns climb the cage at the same time. And of course they dive off instead of just leaving which they could have done. Hernandez dominates again for awhile but No Limit takes him down again. Crowd is DEAD. Gringo Cutter to Yujiro off the top but the Guns wake up a bit and hit a Sliced Bread/powerbomb combination to Yujiro to more or less kill him and retain.

Rating: D+. This is another example of a time where TNA thought they were having something special and then at the end of the day no one but them cared. Who cares if there were Japanese tag titles on the line here? Why should I care about belts I’ve never seen before and likely won’t see afterwards? The crowd was bored as until the end nothing special happened here. Weak match but the Guns are always fun to see.

Abyss talks to Lauren who is apparently his girlfriend. She was concerned with him but I don’t think anything was ever made official. He’s trying to not use weapons at the moment and is somewhat neurotic at this point. He has Matt Morgan in a Doomsday Chamber of Blood which I think is a weapons first blood match.

We kind of preview the match which is simply that Abyss likes the cage and feels at home there. Morgan is a foreigner there. Oh and there’s barbed wire involved too. The Doomsday Chamber of Blood match is about one thing: carnage. Wouldn’t it be about, like, blood?

Doomsday Chamber of Blood: Matt Morgan vs. Abyss

I’d assume it’s a first blood match. Oh ok you win by pin or submission but they have to be bleeding first. Mike makes sure to inform us that this is NOT a first blood match though, even it’s about bleeding first. Morgan had turned heel again and turned on Abyss. Is anyone really surprised by that? Morgan has a chair to start but it gets knocked back into his face.

Lots of punches to start. This is during the Dr. Stevie period for Abyss and him being all insane and whatnot like that. Basic big man match to start as the fans say they want blood. I’ve always wanted someone to come out with a needle or something and get a tiny poke with it to make the guy bleed and take credit for a win like that. Abyss can’t bring himself to use a chair and he’s in trouble because of it.

Morgan throws weapons out of the ring to protect himself, drawing great heat. I see no barbed wire at all mind you. The chair to Abyss’ head busted him open so Morgan threw them out as he had the stuff he needed already. That makes sense actually. Morgan gets a decent dropkick. Fans are rather bored here but not entirely. This gimmick match overload is starting to wear on them though.

He busts out the bag of glass, making the whole idea of him throwing the chair out TOTALLY POINTLESS. The fans want Stevie. Morgan can’t manage to shove glass into the head of the monster. Abyss comes back and rams him into the cage a bunch and gets a chokeslam but he can’t pin him due to the lack of laceration. Morgan misses a cross body and down goes the referee.

Abyss gets some glass and jams it into Morgan’s head which would likely kill him but who cares about that? He covers Morgan and here’s a second referee for the two count. Abyss goes to the floor and gets the chair. There has been NO barbed wire which was advertised. Dr. Stevie is revealed to be Stevie Richards to the shock of NO ONE and his distractions lets a Carbon Footprint gets two.

The fans chant ECW as you can feel Vince’s lawyers smile from here. Yes they actually made not only a PPV but a major angle out of this. After Stevie steals the chair, Abyss goes under the ring and gets a bag full of tacks. THEN WHY DID HE GO FOR THE CHAIR IF HE KNEW THOSE WERE THERE???

Stevie STORMS, yes STORMS I say, the ring and beats up Abyss which gets him nowhere. Good night could they not overbook a single match? And then Morgan jumps him and gives him a chokebomb into the tacks for the easy pin. Well I’m glad to see they got the important plot point of STEVIE RICHARDS in this.

Rating: D+. I saw no barbed wire in there which was promised. The rest of this was nothing special in the slightest. Again they overdid it for the sake of the live crowd and having no one care about the actual match due to them just wanting Steven. This wasn’t anything great at all and was just another Abyss weapons match which we’ve seen a thousand times.

Jarrett says AJ and Daniels should look at themselves in the mirror and not worry about them. He’s going to worry about himself more and that includes doing the right thing. Joe, massive knife in hand, comes in to say no tricks.

And now we recap the Knockouts Title match which is Love vs. Kong vs. Wilde with Kong holding the title. No reason for the match other than having the title be on the line. Love is the joke here so I’d bet a high amount of money on her winning this.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Awesome Kong vs. Taylor Wilde

I forgot how hot the BP were as the total stuck up witches. West doesn’t even bother hiding that he only cares about their looks. They cut Kong’s braids so she’s a good deal ticked off. Taylor is still hot. I’ve always liked how she high fives people on the way to the ring. Little things like that make big differences as you look like you CARE about the fans. It’s not much but it’s something at least.

Kong goes straight for Love and beats the tar out of her, as does Taylor. Yeah they’re not even trying to hide that she gets the title tonight. She gets out of a powerbomb and avoids the butt drop from Kong. The two blondes go at it with Love winning. She’s underrated in the ring. The total smark crowd wants Gail Kim. Velvet’s never ending smirk is sexy beyond belief.

Giant swing as we go WAY old school. Love dizzy is kind of funny as well. Kong stands on her hair and pulls her up which must hurt. She has dominated the vast majority of this match, which to be fair has only been about four minutes so far. Kong goes up and misses a front flip splash to a huge pop. Love kills Wilde with a kick and then she and Velvet tie Kong to the cage BY HER HAIR.

Instead of just ending it there with a quick move from Angelina like they should, they have a one on one match with Wilde and Love. Wilde goes over to laugh at Kong and gets kicked in the face so Love can pin her. Dang it is it impossible to make a champion look strong here at all???

Rating: C-. Not bad here actually as the ending was a legit surprise and well done. Not the new champion that is but the way they got rid of Kong. I wasn’t a fan of the in ring stuff as it was ALL Kong for the vast majority here and Wilde was just there so that the pin could work, but I’m really liking the ending which is what makes this match work for me. Well that and the girls were mostly gorgeous which is the main perk of the division.

Team 3D does some huge party deal with a bunch of fans. They’re Japanese tag champions too. They more or less say they love Philly and that Beer Money is going to die.

We get a package on the Dudleys and are told that they’re awesome. This is a unification match to an extent as both teams are champions and the winner gets both belts. I can’t stand this concept so they kept it up for the next six months or so. Oh and they’re in the jungle baby and they’re going to die. I give up.

TNA/IWGP Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Team 3D

The idea here is a Philadelphia street fight, as in you can come and go from the cage as you please, defeating the entire purpose of the cage at all. Bubba knocks the steps away from the cage door which does nothing at all for the most part. They’re in the cage to start and the door is shut despite them talking about it being the open cage thing the whole time.

And so much for that as they’re on the floor now. They might have been in the cage for about thirty seconds. The fans want tables as we head into the crowd. We go split screen as we’re in the crowd. They each get a quarter of the screen as half of it is a big Lockdown logo. Storm vs. Bubba and Roode vs. D-Von but they merge in a luxury box.

Falls count anywhere apparently. The required ECW chant starts up even though the crowd can’t see them for the most part here. West thinks the crowd is 98/2 for Team 3D. Thank you for that excellent analysis Mr. West. The fans still want tables. Just sit stuff on your laps guys. Back to the ring now as Storm uses the cage door as a weapon. Storm gets a table out which should be done by the face but why would that matter?

The heels climb onto the steps and give D-Von a double suplex through the table. Bubba is busted open and it’s 2-1 inside the cage. He gets a double clothesline to take down both guys that aren’t wearing shirts. Again I need more ways to tell you who does what without saying their names over and over. Roode takes a Bubba Bomb from the top rope.

The other 3D gets two on Roode. So he’s kicked out of two almost finishers while Storm has taken nothing. Why doesn’t Roode leave him at this point? The fans want more tables. Man alive how much stuff are they carrying? D-Von gets a top rope clothesline for two. What’s Up to Roode. Here comes the second batch of tables.

Beer Money comes back and hits what we would call the Mooregasm on D-Von for two. So apparently Ink Inc is better than Beer Money? Too many dead spots in here where they’re just setting other stuff up rather than actually doing anything. Storm accidentally slams the door onto the head of Roode, allowing 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: C. It wasn’t bad and was probably the best match of the night thus far but this still wasn’t great. The Dudleys win another tag title. Why is this supposed to mean something? It was an ok match but it really wasn’t anything all that great. Like I said there were too many dead spots and it was too long at 15 minutes. Not bad at all though.

Angle and the Mafia are very confident.

The recap is simple: Mafia vs. TNA originals/Frontline/generic face team name. There was something about Steiner vs. Jarrett too but I’m not sure.

Team Angle vs. Team Jarrett

It’s Lethal Lockdown, which is WarGames but after everyone is in there is a roof with weapons attached lowered and we only have one ring. You have two teams of four (thank GOODNESS!) people each. Each team sends in a man for five minutes and then there’s a coin toss. The winning team sends in a man for a 2-1 advantage for two minutes. After those two minutes are up the team that lost the toss sends in their second man to tie us up. Two minutes later the winning team goes up 3-2. You alternate every two minutes and then lower the roof after everyone is in.

Angle vs. Daniels to start us off here. Daniels has been back in TNA for a total of four days. Daniels actually gets him down to start and holds him there. Angle realizes he’s Angle and takes care of that. This is a slow paced start here with both guys working on the mat. That’s not bad though and it’s working for the most part as they’re solid there.

Team Angle has the advantage apparently which might have been determined already. TNA does that on occasion which makes sense at least. Daniels gets the Koji Clutch out of nowhere with about 5 seconds to go. I know I didn’t say much in there but it was just dull stuff. Granted that could be due to Daniels. Booker is in second and drills Daniels, who apparently was surprised. I guess the music, the clock and the BIG FREAKING WRESTLER didn’t get his attention.

Angle gets back up after about a minute and a half and it’s the big beatdown with about 45 seconds left until we tie it up again. For some reason Booker took forever to come into the match so they only got about 90 seconds in there. AJ ties us up. He took the Legends Title from Booker last month so there’s your reason for him being there. AJ just looks freaking awesome there, running in with his eyes looking awesome. I think I’m bordering on a man crush here.

AJ and Daniels destroy the Mafia with sweet double team stuff. They always had a chemistry together which again I have to put on AJ for bringing up Daniels. I am not a fan of his at all and I don’t get his appeal. His style is way too out there for me and it’s how ROH tends to work. Not a fan of it. Steiner is in third meaning Nash will be the final guy. Yeah I’m stunned too that he has the least to do.

Steiner Lines all around. Daniels takes a big old suplex but AJ takes what Steiner calls the Frankensteiner now even though that simply isn’t what it is anymore. Joe is third to add up the holy trinity of the X Division…and there’s no Joe. He’s getting advice from his mentor, who would turn out to be Taz. While he’s standing there though his partners are getting destroyed.

Ah here’s Joe, complete with the “tattoo” on his face. Steiner vs. Joe is a sad sight for some reason. Having only eight people in here is a VERY nice perk as the ten that most people have is way too many. When you had two rings in WCW that was ok as there was more than enough room.

Nash comes in last and Joe FREAKS on him, not even letting him into the ring. And so much for that as he drills Joe and gets in anyway. Ok everyone that is in the match so far is in there. Best Moonsault Ever to Nash but we can’t cover yet. Not that it matters as it’s not like Nash would let Daniels get a pin on him anyway. Here’s Jarrett to tie us up and get us to the final part of the match.

He cleans house in his powder blue tights as the roof with weapons on it is lowered. Basically now it turns into who can get out of the cage for the big spot first. Because TNA is stupid, we go to a SIX WAY SCREEN SPLIT. Since there is a total of one ring, they realize this is stupid and go to a regular shot. Angle has managed to find a hole in the roof and is on top. AJ follows him so we get a little breathing room in the ring.

AJ vs. Angle squaring off on top of the cage is kind of cool looking. Angle tries to suplex him off but it gets blocked due to it being like deadly. Angle gets back in the ring after a bit and hits the Slam on Jarrett. AJ is up on top of the cage and is just like screw it and dives through the top of the cage, breaking it and landing on the Mafia. When I say on the Mafia I mean they all back up so they don’t have to catch him and let him crash. Nice guys.

Joe goes off until Booker takes him down and spins up. I hate the name so I don’t feel like typing it. Jarrett swings a chair at Booker and hits AJ who is somehow still alive after that jump. Joe gets all ticked off at him but gets caught in the Slam because he’s not paying attention. Angel’s Wings gets two on Angle. Basically this is just everyone hits big moves until Jarrett gets the guitar and sets to hit AJ but drills Booker like he’s supposed to and AJ gets the pin.

Rating: B. Pretty solid stuff here with the four people per team DEFINITELY being a good idea. This wasn’t the best match they’ve ever had with this gimmick but this one worked pretty well. They got into that formula that isn’t very exciting here but the big dive from AJ was a very solid spot, although someone CATCHING HIM would have been nice. Solid stuff here though and DEFINITELY the best match of the night so far.

Post match Bobby Lashley comes out and points a lot. He wouldn’t be seen for months I don’t think. Ah apparently he would be on Impact and then not be seen until July.

Some music interrupts the beginning of Sting’s promo which apparently they couldn’t hear. Sting says you have to expect the unexpected. This is the whole point in watching this show for me so maybe it’ll be good. Sting says that if the belt winds up in the wrong hands then it’s the beginning of the end for TNA.

Foley is looking at his barbed wire ball bat and says that Mick isn’t here tonight but rather Cactus Jack is around. He makes the rule change where you can win by escape. There was supposed to be a special cage built but it didn’t happen.

We recap the feud which was about Foley missing a chair shot and hitting Sting by mistake. Then on Impact he hit him on purpose. This was a respect thing apparently as Sting was cashing the checks that Foley’s body wrote. That’s a solid line actually.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mick Foley

This is just a standard match for the first time all night I believe. These are my two favorite wrestlers ever so this is an awesome sight to see. Also their 92 feud was awesome so I’m really looking forward to this. Foley being introduced with the bat is awesome for some reason. They stand off to start which makes sense as Foley had been talking about how this was his greatest rival. Granted they hadn’t associated with each other in seventeen years but whatever.

Foley punches himself in the head and cuts himself open, which he claimed was a new wound rather than the one he had done on Impact. Foley takes over to start and goes to leave almost immediately but the fight begins on top of the ropes. Basically Foley dominates to start as West actually analyzes things a bit here. They fight on the ropes again with Sting hitting a belly to back off the top for two.

Foley gets stuck in a Tree of Woe and Sting pounds away. Sting goes for the leg which is apparently hurt now due to the Tree of Woe. That’s a new one I think. Spinning neckbreaker by Foley gets two. He goes for the cage but just kind of stops because of the leg. The door is off limits again I think which might be a rule all night.

Mick gets the Scorpion of all things on Sting which lasts about as long as Foley’s third title reign by comparison. Foley calls for the door to be open and shoves Hebner out of the way. Since he can’t climb he has no issue with going through the door apparently. For no apparent reason he hits a baseball slide to the cameraman in the hole he uses.

Foley tries to climb through said hole but gets caught by Sting and locked in the Deathlock. He crawls to the hole in the cage and has the cameraman slip him the bat. This is getting better. Sting tries to go up but gets caught by a shot to the leg with the bat and another one to send him to the mat. And then he’s fine seconds later, beating up Foley with the bat instead.

The barbed wire on the bat breaks up and goes into Sting’s eyes. He wraps Socko in it and gives Sting a running knee in the corner. What was funny/bad here was that he also slammed his head into the cage and busted his head open legitimately. Both guys are busted now and the fans are way behind Foley which is weird to see for a Sting opponent.

Both go up the cage but on different sides. Foley DIVES to the floor and amazingly enough wins the title totally clean. He said in the book that there were like 4 seconds left in the show here which never made sense based on what I remembered and I was right as there was like forty seconds left.

Rating: B-. I’m probably being very biased here but I liked this. They had a slow build here and the ending, while surprising, makes sense. Foley is a hardcore wrestler and he beat Sting in a hardcore match. Also the idea was for Foley to come out and prove to Sting that he still had it so what better way than to take his title? This was good although it was slow at times which hurts it.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is LONG. That’s the only way to put it. The main events are both good and they keep this from being a failure. Having eight cage matches completely defeats the purpose of a cage match. Foley vs. Sting in a cage is a major match if booked right and the match was rather brutal. However it’s still the EIGHTH time we’ve seen a cage tonight, and with having a gimmick for every match, it wore very thin.

This show doesn’t work often and until the final 45 minutes of this show it was looking to be the worst ever in the series. This worked at the end though and the old guys put on the best match of the night more than likely. Check out Sting vs. Foley if you’re a fan of theirs as it’s fun stuff and Lethal Lockdown if you’re a WarGames fan, but other than that stay clear due to reasons of boring.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 18, 2013
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

We’re getting closer to Slammiversary now but the main question is who challenges Bully Ray next? He’s already taken out Hardy and beaten him again in a rematch, so the next opponent isn’t clear yet. As for tonight, we’ve got AJ Styles vs. James Storm in what would be AJ’s first match in about six months. It should be interesting to see what he’s capable of at the moment. Let’s get to it.

We open with a nice graphic about praying for the Boston bombings.

We get the usual recap to open things up.

Last week after Impact went off the air, Aces and 8’s attacked Hardy with the hammer and he was taken away in an ambulance.

D-Von gives Bischoff and Garrett a pep talk for their handicap match with Angle tonight.

Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle

We get a quick video package on Bischoff and Brisco being mentored by Angle before turning on him to join the bikers. Brisco starts things off with Kurt easily throwing him around. Angle rams him into a buckle and then throws Wes off to Bischoff for a tag. Kurt easily throws Bischoff around and even tosses Wes to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Angle getting punched down by Bischoff before it’s off to Brisco for a chinlock. Angle suplexes out of it and it’s time to unleash the rest of the suplexes. Both bikers get a few Germans including one to both of them at the same time. That was awesome. Ankle lock to Brisco but here are the other Aces and 8’s to distract the referee and throw Bischoff a chain. One shot with that and Angle is done at 11:03.

Rating: D+. Dull stuff here with Angle having to slow himself WAY down to let the other two keep up with him. Brisco isn’t bad and Bischoff is improving, but that’s not really saying much when you consider how far down he was to start things off. At least they’re winning matches now though.

Post match Bischoff and Brisco hit a double powerbomb on Angle. Anderson says they’re taking over tonight and wishes AJ luck in his match.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams talk about the threeway tonight.

X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Zema Ion vs. Petey Williams

Ion is knocked to the floor very quickly and apparently the referee now has a camera on his head. King kicks Ion down but gets caught in a quick Canadian Destroyer for two. Ion gets two of his own and the challengers get in an argument. Williams hits a middle rope rana for two but Ion comes back with some shots of his own. King is still down on the floor.

Zema puts on a half crab for a bit until Petey makes a rope. The Destroyer is broken up but Williams dives on King. Petey hits a release german suplex on Ion and a slingshot rana on King. After Ion gets in some generic high flying offense, Petey locks him in the Sharpshooter until King makes the save and steals a pin on Ion to retain at 5:47.

Rating: D. This match exists and I can’t think of much else to say about it. Seriously that’s it. It wasn’t anything exciting, it was nothing we haven’t seen before, there’s no reason to care about any of this match because there’s no issue between any of these guys, and the title is worthless. Nothing to see here at all.

Magnus says he’ll win the TV Title tonight.

The Knockouts are getting their own website.

Brooke Hogan wishes Mickie and Tessmacher luck. Tessmacher tells Brooke she’s here if Brooke needs anything.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Magnus

Knux and Doc jump Magnus on the steps until D-Von comes up to make it 3-1. The big guys give Magnus a double chokeslam but Joe comes out to make the save. No match.

Joe says that he’s getting the title shot against D-Von tonight instead.

We recap the AJ story with him walking out oon TNA and now being offered a spot in both factions.

Video on Velvet Sky’s knee injury.

Mickie James vs. Miss Tessmacher

Winner gets a title match against Velvet. ODB is guest referee again. They go back and forth for a bit with nothing of note going on until things get heated fast. ODB says cool it so Tessmacher grabs a quick rollup for two. Mickie puts on an armbar but Tessmacher is in the ropes. They head to the floor and ODB breaks up another brawl before they go inside again.

Tessmacher pounds away and hits a kind of X Factor out of the corner before giving Mickie a Stink Face. Mickie comes back with a flapjack and the Thesz Press off the top for two. They clothesline each other because this match hasn’t gone on long enough yet. They start slugging it out….and we get a short highlight package of big moves in the match so far. Mickie gets a rollup out of nowhere for the pin at 7:40.

Rating: D+. Business as usual for the Knockouts: two interchangeable chicks have a match for a title shot, then the title shot happens and that’s it. As usual, no story, the match was just ok, and there was nothing memorable about it at all. There is no focus on ANYTHING in the midcard at all and it’s getting really old.

D-Von harasses Joseph Park in the back until Bully jumps Park. Joseph gets choked by a chain and thrown into a shower.

Mickie says it’s time for her to be back.

Here’s Bad Influence for their sales pitch to AJ. Apparently the Bad Influence movie is in production and Morgan Freeman is in talks to play Dixie Carter. However, the important thing is that AJ is about to rejoin the band and they even have a shirt for him. First up though, they want the tag titles back and ask if the champions have the huevos to give them a shot.

Cue Aries and Roode for an interruption. Roode says he and Aries should get the title shot first. Daniels says that would work if Roode wasn’t Canadian because his opinion is only worth 75% of an American’s. Aries makes gay references and the insults start flying too fast to type. Chavo and Hernandez come in and Bad Influence bails. Aries and Roode turn around and get laid out by the champions.

We look at Hardy being injured again and hear from various wrestlers saying they have to unite against the bikers.

Recap of Aces and 8s’ carnage tonight.

Matt Morgan thinks it’s interesting that all this stuff with Aces and 8’s is going on when Hogan isn’t here. He lists off all of Hogan’s mistakes so far.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Samoa Joe

D-Von jumps Joe to start and chokes away with the towel. Joe fires back and pounds D-Von down into the corner as he’s all fired up here. D-Von gets in a shot of his own and starts choking away on the ropes followed by some choking in the corner for good measure. Off to a chinlock but Joe fights up and hits a quick enziguri. He loads up the MuscleBuster but here are Aces and 8’s for a distraction. Anderson hits Joe with a chain and D-Von gets the pin at 3:37.

Rating: D. What in the world are you expecting here? The match was like three and a half minutes long and had a run-in ending. D-Von is beyond worthless at this point but hey, he used to be part of a big time team so he must be worth something right? Nothing to see here for the most part, much like the rest of the matches tonight.

Post match Anderson hits Joe in the face with the knuckles again, seemingly injuring him in the process.

James Storm vs. AJ Styles

AJ turns around to leave but Storm follows him up the ramp and beats him up. A suplex is blocked as is the Eye of the Storm. They trade right hands with Storm knocking Styles back into the ring for the opening bell. Storm pounds away but Styles kicks him down as we take a break. Back with AJ suplexing Storm and putting on a chinlock to slow things down a bit. Storm fights up and hits a kind of TKO for two but gets crotched when trying a superplex. AJ hits a Tree of Woe dropkick for two and here’s Bad Influence to cheer Styles on.

Closing Time hits AJ and a Cactus Clothesline sends them both to the floor. Back in and Storm hits another Closing Time but the Last Call is caught and AJ hooks a rolling let lock for the tap out at 10:54. It looked like a cross between an Indian Deathlock and a half crab. How rare is it to see Storm tap out?

Rating: B-. AJ looked good here which is a good sign given how long he’s been out of the ring for. He looked very crisp and in good shape so at least we don’t have to worry about ring rust. That leg lock wasn’t bad and AJ mostly wrestled heel here, which is fine for a change. Good first step back for Styles.

Post match AJ lays out Bad Influence and leaves the ring for Aces and 8’s to destroy everyone in sight. Ray says that they’re responsible for destroying all of the fans’ heroes like Hardy and Storm. He then contradicts himself by saying it’s all Hogan’s fault. Next week Ray is going to call Hogan out.

Overall Rating: D+. Oh sweet merciful goodness the midcard was on display here and SWEET MERCIFUL GOODNESS was it awful. There are no stories to these matches and the only story going on, which is the Bikers attacking various midcarders, has literally been done before with the same exact people. It’s very clear that the main event is the only thing with any development at all and it’s really dull otherwise. Bad show tonight to say the least.

Results

Wes Brisco/Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle – Bischoff hit Angle with a chain

Kenny King b. Zema Ion and Petey Williams – King pinned Ion after a Sharpshooter from Williams

Mickie James b. Velvet Sky – Rollup

D-Von b. Samoa Joe – D-Von pinned Joe after Anderson hit him with brass knuckles

AJ Styles b. James Storm – Leg Lock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

TNA Weekly PPV #13
Date: September 18, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

Yes indeed I’m still doing these shows even though I haven’t done one since about Thanksgiving. I have no idea what’s going on at this point in TNA given how long it’s been, but apparently there’s a Gauntlet for the Gold (gauntlet match) for a shot at the tag titles and Ron Killings is defending the title against Jerry Lynn. Let’s get to it.

We open with Goldilocks explaining the rules for Gauntlet for the gold. Basically you have ten teams and two individual wrestlers start. Every minute another wrestler comes out and it’s over the top rope until we get down to two. Then their partners come out and it’s a tag match with the winners getting the belts. I’ve heard of worse ideas. Anyway Scott Hall pops up and says he has a surprise partner. It’s Sean Waltman who pops up for a second. Nice job on the surprise there people.

The announcers run down the card, including a celebrity boxing match. Oh jeez.

Earlier today Brian Lawler tries to jump Jeff Jarrett but Jeff fends him off with some luggage. Jarrett says that he never touched Lawler’s girlfriend April. Apparently April is playing Brian and Lawler can only trust Jeff. Ok then.

Cue Jarrett to the arena where he says he’s had it with Bob Armstrong and his masked man. Either Armstrong comes out now or Jeff is coming back there to get him. Jarrett goes to the back but is jumped by the Masked Bullet. They fight to the ring and Bullet does every single Road Dogg move there is and even says Oh You Didn’t Know into a mic. With Jeff down, Bullet pulls off his mask and it’s…..Road Dogg (called Brian James). Well that’s a bit anti-climactic.

Dogg says that he and Jarrett bailed on the WWF back in 1995 but then Dogg became part of DX. Apparently his name here is BG James with the G standing for “Get It, Got It, Good”. James is going to be in the Gauntlet for the Gold tonight and will find a partner somewhere. I guess Lawler vs. Jarrett is done now.

Jorge Estrada and Sonny Siaki say that it’s all about the Flying Elvises and not Sonny himself. Sonny talks about how we should support Jerry Lynn in the main event tonight, implying that he’s going to interfere.

AJ Styles vs. Kid Kash

Before the match AJ says that Sonny won’t be supporting Jerry Lynn tonight and it’s not over between himself and Jerry. AJ sounds even more like a hick here than he does now. Feeling out process to start with Styles taking over with an armbar. They head to the mat with AJ holding an armbar before Kash escapes a backslide. Both guys snap off some armdrags as we’re told that Low Ki returns next week. A Jericho springboard dropkick puts AJ on the floor and a slingshot rana keeps him down.

AJ gets back up and runs to the apron for a moonsault to take Kash down. Very fast paced stuff so far here. Back in and Styles takes Kash down with a sweet springboard dropkick for two. Kid hits the Bank Roll (kind of a Whisper in the Wind) for two and it’s off to a standing Boston Crab on Styles. That goes nowhere so Kash tries the Money Maker but gets backdropped out to the floor instead. AJ hits a sweet jumping DDT off the apron and both guys are down.

Back in and Kash sends AJ face first into the middle buckle before getting two off a German suplex. AJ comes back with his moonsault into (not really but close enough) the reverse DDT for two. Kash runs up the corner and hits a SWEET rana followed by a tornado DDT for two. AJ comes back with a dropkick to the knee and the always cool nipup into a rana of his own.

Discus lariat gets two on Kash as does a dropkick to the back of his head. AJ loads up another springboard dive but jumps into a dropkick to put both guys down. Kash tries a top rope splash but only his canvas. He manages to crotch AJ, but a top rope rana is countered into a Styles Clash off the middle rope for the academic pin.

Rating: B-. This was just a spotfest and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a good match as there have been far better versions of this before, but AJ looked good and that was the right idea here. AJ was rapidly gaining credibility and a win over a decent name like Kash was only going to help that.

Buff Bagwell says that he’s Marcus Bagwell again and wants another chance. BG James pops up and asks him to be his partner in the Gauntlet. Marcus accepts, and I think we’re supposed to buy this as the latest super team. You know, because Bagwell won like five WCW tag titles. Surely you remember his EPIC partnership with The Patriot right?

Here’s Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By the Bell) who says that after winning on Celebrity Boxing, he could come here to be a wrestler. This leads to an argument with Tiny the ring announcer and a boxing match is scheduled for later. Please make it short at least.

The Hotshots (Chase Stevens and Cassidy O’Reilly) say they’ve given up their spot in the Gauntlet because they want to earn it in a three way match. They leave and Disco Inferno pops up, looking for Brian Lawler.

Dustin Diamond vs. Tiny the Timekeeper

Boxing match, Tiny is a short fat guy, Dustin knocks him out in 35 seconds. Seriously, that’s it.

Hot Shots vs. Derek Wylde/Jimmy Rave vs. Ace Steele/CM Punk

Indeed, CM Punk was in TNA for a half a cup of coffee. The team who takes the fall here is out of the Gauntlet. Punk has blonde hair here which is a weird look for him. Stevens and Punk get things going and we get a gymnastics exhibition with both guys spinning around with little contact being made. Punk hits a kind of reverse powerbomb onto Steele’s knee with Ace coming in legally. Steele chops away on Chase (Stevens, along with his partner Cassidy O’Reilly) but a blind tag brings in Wylde. He tries to slingshot in, only to be powerbombed down by Chase as things speed up.

Off to Rave vs. O’Reilly with Jimmy getting caught by a slingshot splash. Cassidy likes to dance around a lot and shout at the fans. The Hot Shots hit stereo dropkicks to Rave’s head for two and a leg lariat from Chase puts Rave down. Back to Cassidy who slams Rave down but hits knees while trying a Lionsault. Jimmy tags in Punk who misses a springboard missile dropkick on Chase before having his head taken off by Cassidy.

Everything breaks down and the Hot Shots hit a nice superkick/German suplex combo on Wylde. Cassidy misses a twisting dive to the floor and it’s time to unleash the dives. Back in the ring, Steele puts Stevens in a Gory Special and drops down into a kind of Widow’s Peak to win the match and spot in the Gauntlet.

Rating: D-. Well that sucked. I know it’s blasphemy to say a Punk match sucked, but there’s no other way to put it. This was boring, sloppy and uneventful as none of the six guys were anything special in the slightest. I know Punk would get WAY better, but at this point he was nothing to see at all.

Harris and Storm are ready for the Gauntlet and Harris finally calls Storm buckaroo.

Here are Hall and Waltman with something to say. Hall reminisces about his time with the 1-2-3 Kid and the match they had on Raw in 1993. Waltman (Syxx-Pac here) says that he’s here to be a wrestler, not a sports entetainer. Ron Harris and Brian Lee try to interrupt but get beaten down by the stars.

Brian Lawler panics about his girlfriend missing and says it’s a life or death situation. Next.

Hermie Sadler is praised for being awesome in NASCAR and is invited to be here for the next match.

Bruce comes out to insult Sadler’s wife and calls out some chick from the crowd for a match.

Miss TNA: Bruce vs. ???

She doesn’t even get a name and is pinned by a powerbomb in like a minute. Did I mention they have no idea how to fill an hour and forty five minutes of PPV time at this point?

Sadler gives Bruce an atomic drop post match.

Jerry Lynn is ready for his one shot at greatness when Killings comes in and says Jerry has to kill him to beat him. This wasn’t bad actually.

Gauntlet for the Gold

There are twenty people (ten teams) in this with two individuals starting. It’s a Royal Rumble style match and when there are two people left, the partners return for a tag match for the vacant titles, which were vacated when AJ/Lynn had a double pin against Jarrett/Killings. Brian Lawler is #1 and James Storm is #2. Lawler crotches him on the ropes before the bell but Storm fires off right hands. Apparently Chris Harris is going to be #20.

Storm pounds away to start and a missile dropkick puts Brian down. With nothing else happening, here’s Jose Maximo at #3. Lawler gets double teamed in the corner for a bit before fighting both guys off. Derek Wyles is #4 but after some headscissors, Lawler throws him out. Joel is dumped too and we’re back to Storm vs. Lawler. Actually scratch that as Lawler eliminates his third guy in a row by sending Storm out. You know, because Brian Lawler is AWESOME.

Buff Bagwell is #5 and he comes in with middle fingers blazing. Oh wait he’s Marcus Bagwell here, despite looking and wrestling like he has for years. Bagwell hits a neckbreaker and pounds away in the corner until Kobain is #6. Lawler again gets to dominate some more talented people until Ace Steele is #7. There’s nothing of note to talk about here as it’s just standing around and slowly beating on each other in the corner with Lawler biting Bagwell’s head.

Jorge Estrada is #8 and gets chopped by Steele. The ring is getting too full now. Lawler hits Bagwell low in the corner and Brian Lee is #9. Hopefully he can throw some of these little men out. We don’t get that of course since that would help the match, so here’s Syxx-Pac at #10. Syxx cleans house and dumps Jose off a chop (yes a chop) before hitting the Bronco Buster on Marcus.

CM Punk (Steele’s partner) is #11 but Steele is thrown out before Punk makes it to the ring. We hear about how impressive it is that Lawler has lasted ELEVEN minutes as Jimmy Rave (Derrick Wylde) is #12. Punk hits a Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog on Rave as there are too many people out there. Ron Harris (Brian Lee) is #13 to give us our first full team. Their dominance is shown as they send Jorge to the apron, but the Karate Elvis (again, seriously) sunset flips Lee down to survive. The second attempt works though and Estrada is gone.

Punk and Rave are tossed by the big guys as well, meaning two full teams are eliminated. Syxx sends out Bagwell and Lawler (no fanfare, which is odd as the announcers have spent ten minutes worshipping the guy) as BG James (Marcus Bagwell) is #14. We get heel miscommunication between Lee and Harris but Road Dogg (blonde here for some reason) gets stomped down I the corner. Joel Maximo (Jose Maximo) is #15 and is out about two seconds later.

Syxx gets hit with a big double spinebuster but since Waltman is a GIANT KILLER he clotheslines both of them down at once. Since we haven’t seen enough of him tonight, here’s Brian Lawler AGAIN to throw out Syxx. Slash (Kobain) is #16 and BG James is triple teamed. Sonni Siaki (Jorge Estrada) is #17 and he goes after Slash to give James a breather.

Disco Inferno (Brian Lawler) is #18 as the match continues to drag. Scott Hall (Syxx Pac) is #19 and he pounds away on Lee. Ron Harris is dumped out and Chris Harris (James Storm) is #20, giving us a final grouping of Hall, Chris Harris, Siaki, Disco, James and Lee. The announcers aren’t sure if Slash was eliminated despite seeing him go over the top. Siaki is dumped and Disco gets caught between Hall and BG until Hall finally knocks him out. Hall and James square off but Lee jumps both guys for stereo eliminations, getting us down to Harris vs. Lee, meaning the battle royal is over.

Rating: D. This was long and dull with the partner thing going almost nowhere. Between that and the worship of Brian Lawler, this never went anywhere. The fast intervals helped, but so many of these people are unknown for the most part, which makes it hard to care about any of them. Also the two giants looked pitiful out there for the most part which didn’t do them any favors.

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Haris

Ron chokeslams James on the stage to start things off as a handicap match. Also here’s Jeff Jarrett to beat up BG James and take the focus off the title match. Lee kicks Chris in the face as AMW (are they even called that yet?) is in big trouble. Chris comes back for a bit but gets clotheslined down for two. West points out the problem here: too many people named James and Harris.

Storm finally gets back in and cleans house, only to get caught in a chokeslam/belly to back suplex combo for no cover. Ron pulls out a table for no apparent reason and lays Storm out on top of it. Lee loads up Chris in a chokeslam but gets rolled up (and into the ropes) to give AMW the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was barely even a match with Chris getting beaten down for a few minutes and Storm being on the floor most of the time. The table thing was stupid and the ending was even worse as both guys were in the ropes for the fall and the referee counted it anyway. Nothing to see here, but at least the right team won.

BG James is bloody in the back to make sure the tag titles get no focus.

NWA World Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

If Lynn wins, he’s a Triple Crown Champion three months after the promotion started. Truth jumps him to start and elbows Lynn down before talking a lot of trash. Tenay thinks that whoever controls the match will win. This man is the PROFESSOR people. A headscissors puts Truth down and a backbreaker gets two for Jerry. Lynn hits what appeared to be a slingshot elbow to the groin in the corner but Truth pops up and throws him out to the floor.

The champion drops Jerry face first onto the announce table and Lynn is busted open. Back in and a kind of belly to back suplex gets two for Truth and he shows Jerry’s bloody face to the camera. Lynn comes back with his spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two but Truth does his backflip into a drop down into a side kick sequence. They head back to the floor with Truth ramming Jerry’s bloody head into the post and gouging at the cut.

Back in again and Truth puts on a modified surfboard but Lynn grabs the rope. The ax kick gets two for Truth but Jerry comes back with a spinning rollup for two of his own. Truth stays on offense as AJ Styles is at ringside. Now Kid Kash and the S.A.T. come down as well. Here are the Flying Elvises as the fans are ALL behind Lynn. Jerry makes a comeback with some clotheslines but the cradle piledriver is countered. Lynn reverses a suplex into a DDT for two but AJ breaks up the pin. The challenger goes up but Siaki shoves him down, allowing Truth to hit a Diamond Cutter for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but the drama felt manufactured and the big moment feeling they were going for doesn’t work when the company debuted three months before this. The match wasn’t bad but Truth wasn’t the kind of guy you want working a match like this. The Siaki interference was as obvious as you can get as well.

BG James comes out to talk trash about Killings for no apparent reason. This brings out Jarrett because he has to end the show but Hall and Waltman make the save to close us out.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t work at all for the most part. We had a mindless spot fest to start and then a pretty boring feature match for the tag titles. On top of that we have a just ok main event and WAY too much Brian Lawler. When you combine that with the stupid boxing and Bruce stuff, this wasn’t that entertaining. They need a story and they need it soon.

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