Impact Wrestling – November 23, 2023: Goofy Laziness

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 23, 2023
Hosts: Matthew Rehwoldt, Tom Hannifan

This is another special show, in this case because of Thanksgiving. Impact has a history of looking back at some, ahem, classic Thanksgiving moments of the years and that is likely going to involve a bunch of Turkey Suit matches. There are worse traditions out there and it’s just goofy fun. Let’s get to it.

The hosts welcome us to the show and we are indeed looking at great Thanksgiving moments over the years.

From 2008.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Rhino vs. Alex Shelley

Bashir is X-Division Champion and helps Shelley for a double team on Rhino. That goes nowhere as Rhyno easily slugs both of them away and scores with a belly to belly for two on Bashir. Clipped to Rhino getting double teamed again but the others keep getting in an argument over scoring the pin (and a $25,000 prize). Bashir rolls Shelley up for two but gets caught in a super atomic drop. Rhino uses the distraction to Gore Shelley for the pin at 2:48 shown.

Post match, Mick Foley tells Shelley he has to put the suit on but Shelley doesn’t want to. See, the women won’t be happy and that would hurt the ratings. That’s cool with Foley, but Shelley is fired if he doesn’t do it. Shelley finally puts it on and Foley makes gibblet jokes. Foley: “Is that a gizzard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” The suit goes on and more jokes are made. If this is the case, I can go with it more than holding a regular show on Thanksgiving.

We do have some 2023 material as well.

Good Hands/Champagne Singh/Jai Vidal vs. PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey

Gravy Train Turkey Trot, meaning whomever loses the fall has to wear the turkey suit. Skyler shoulders Bailey down to start before handing it off to Hotch, who gets kicked in the head over and over. Swinger comes in but gets cheap shotted by Skyler, who gets rolled up for a fast two. It’s off to Singh to beat on Swinger as the villains keep tagging out to avoid the threat of the turkey suit.

Something comes in so Vidal….maybe flirts with him, earning a right hand to the face. Something cleans house and powerbombs Vidal over the top onto a pile on the floor. The big Something dive drops them again but the Good Hands and Singh manage to knock PCO down. That lasts all of two seconds as it’s a chokeslam into the PCOsault to finish Vidal at 5:14.

Rating: C. The match was nothing of note of course but this is one of the few traditions that Impact has which does feel like a fun idea. It’s completely goofy fun and they don’t present it as anything else. Vidal can play a fine enough post match goof and he got pinned by a monster like PCO. Nothing wrong with this and it’s once a year.

Post match Vidal won’t do it so Gisele Shaw and Savannah Evans force him to wear the suit for the sake of keeping the team together.

From 2016.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

They slug it out to start with Grado getting the better of it off the snap jabs. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a little less funny than I was expecting. Robbie grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:39.

Aiden O’Shea comes out to make Grado put on the suit and dancing ensues.

From 2013.

Here are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.

Sabin is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion (officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful when he becomes the next champion.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

From 2017.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice
Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

The loser of the fall wears a turkey suit and there’s food at ringside, along with Eli Drake. We’re not ready yet though as the teams sit down at the food tables as Drake insists that everyone has to put on the suit if they lose. He has a statement for JB to read, which pretty much just says everyone play nice.

Justice sticks his finger in Konley’s mouth to start and gets two off a rollup. Laurel comes in and jumps on Justice’s back so it’s off to the women for a change. KM and Bahh are up next with some shots to Bahh’s head taking us to a break. Back with Bahh crossbodying KM and bringing in Garza….WHO TAKES OFF HIS PANTS! I’m rather thankful.

Garza gets punched down though and it’s time for the heel beatdown. Adonis comes in for two off a legdrop and it’s time for a bearhug (on a guy with a bad shoulder). That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down in a hurry and KM gets crushed between Justice and Bahh.

We get the big crash to the floor and Justice falls off the apron, only to be caught without much effort. Allie dives onto everyone to break up the pile and everyone is down. Back in and Adonis can’t grab the Adonis Lock, allowing Eddie to roll him up for the pin at 16:04, meaning Adonis gets to wear the suit.

Rating: C-. Oh what were you expecting here? This was all in good fun and nothing more than a comedy match. The match was just there for the sake of having a one off match for a holiday special and as a result, it’s really hard to be harsh on it. Adonis having to wear the suit is fine and it continues a (rather goofy) tradition. It wasn’t anything good, but it’s perfectly harmless.

Post break, Adonis refuses to wear the suit. Security actually stops him as the referee holds up the suit like an executioner’s ax. After a lot of persuading and a GOBBLE GOBBLE (One of us?) chant, Adonis finally puts it on and walks around a bit. Adonis isn’t cool with the chants though and the required food fight, with Adonis hitting Drake in the face with a pie, ends the show. This was actually entertaining as they just went with the simple comedy and it worked perfectly well.

From 2007.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

This is the finals of the Turkey Bowl, with the winner getting $25,000 and the loser wearing the turkey suit. Joe and Sabin double team Styles to start and knock him to the floor. That leaves Sabin to take Joe down but a kick misses, giving us a staredown. Styles gets knocked to the floor again and we take a break.

Back with Sabin charging into a hot shot but Joe comes back in to punch Styles in the face. Styles breaks up the suicide elbow to Sabin though, meaning Joe punches him in the face some more. The drop down into a dropkick hits Joe and we take a break. Back again with Joe countering the springboard moonsault into an Air Raid Crash with Sabin having to make a save.

We take another break and come back again with Sabin hitting a springboard DDT to drop Joe. That earns Sabin a trip to the floor but Styles Peles Joe. The charge into the corner only hits kick to the face though, allowing Joe to hit the Muscle Buster for the pin at 9:33 shown (of the nearly thirty minute match).

Rating: B-. Well it seemed to be a good match, at least from what we saw of the thing. Joe was on another planet at this point and Styles was in his weird phase as Angle’s wacky goon, but it isn’t like he was going to be awful in the ring. Throw in a very talented Sabin and of course this was going to work, even if we missed almost twenty minutes.

Post match we cut to a livid Kurt Angle (AJ’s boss), storming out of his own Thanksgiving dinner. Back in the arena, AJ won’t put the suit on so here is Jim Cornette to order him to do it. After some coaxing, Styles (very slowly) puts the suit on so Tomko and Kurt come out to yell. Samoa Joe and the Outsiders come out to laugh at Angle and pals, meaning the brawl is on. The bad guys are cleared out, with Eric Young coming in to add a turkey leg to Angle to wrap things up. Then Hall got fired and Joe was given a live mic at the pay per view where he went on an all time rant against a lot of people.

Overall Rating: D+. Normally I have a good time with this show, as it’s the definition of goofy harmless fun. Then I went to pull some of the matches from previous reviews and realized that three out of the five matches on this show were on last year’s show, including the exact same main event and post match segment to end the show. They’ve been doing this for over fifteen years and they had to recycle that much in a year? Come on already and put in some more effort than that.

Results
PCO/Johnny Swinger/Jake Something/Mike Bailey b. Good Hands/Jai Vidal/Champagne Singh – PCOsault to Vidal

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Impact Wrestling – November 24, 2022: Turkeys Trotting (Thanksgiving Special)

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 24, 2022
Hosts: Tom Hannifan, Matthew Rehwoldt

It’s Thanksgiving and that means we are in for a special Best Of show around here. That’s about as logical as you’re going to get for this time of year as there is no reason to believe that anyone is going to pay attention to a show on such a big holiday. You never know what you’ll see on something like this but let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The hosts welcome us to the show and promise us some great Thanksgiving moments, plus a look at Overdrive.

We’ll start with Thanksgiving 2008, with Rhino pinning Alex Shelley in a triple threat match also involving Sheik Abdul Bashir. As a result, Rhino gets $25,000 and Shelley has to wear a turkey suit, as enforced by Mick Foley with threats of firings/bad history lessons.

Wrestlers say what they are thankful for (Joe Hendry is thankful for mirrors because he gets to see who he really is).

Deaner asks Eric Young if this is the end of Violent By Design but doesn’t get an answer. It’s time for an answer to the unanswered questions so they have to go back to where it all began. How about before that when the team doesn’t exist?

We go back to Thanksgiving 2007, at the Angle household, featuring Kurt and Karen as pilgrims and Jeremy Borash, Tomko and AJ Styles as guests (it was a weird time). They pray (with gold medals on the plates) and Styles eats during the prayer. People keep opening their eyes during the prayer, with Karen and JB making faces at each other. Robert Roode and Traci Brooks come in, as do James Storm and Jackie Moore (with beer). Chris Harris arrives and complains about the directions.

Eric Young shows up, a bit under dressed, and breaks a bunch of stuff. Kurt stands up to yell, revealing that he’s wearing the World Title, and sends Eric to the kid’s table (Eric gets lost on the way). Then the X-Division arrives, with Sonjay Dutt trying to get donations for starving children. Storm and Young get in a drinking contest and Styles leaves as Black Reign (Dustin Rhodes) and Rellik (that’s overused joke spelled forwards) arrive. Reign lets his rat Misty into the food and we take a break.

Back with Young and Storm rather drunk (Young has found a wig and they have both lost their shirts). Jay Lethal (as Black Machismo) arrives as Kurt looks like he wants some cyanide. Then So Cal Val arrives, so Lethal gives her his jacket to walk on. Kurt tries to restore order as Awesome Kong shows up and sits at the other end of the (really long) table. She eats food that may or may not be wax and, since there are a bunch of tables, Team 3D arrives, with food being thrown at them.

A bunch of people leave to get away from Team 3D, who were invited by someone other than Kurt. They sit at the kid’s table and take food from Kurt’s daughter, who says they suck (I would have paid to see her put through a table). Then Kevin Nash and Scott Hall arrive and Karen takes pies to the face. Everyone else shows up and the food fight is on. This was HILARIOUS in a wrestling way.

We look at Mickie James beating Taylor Wilde at Overdrive. Then Deonna Purrazzo comes out to yell at her and sets up the next match in James’ Last Rodeo.

From Thanksgiving 2016, loser wears a turkey suit.

Grado vs. Robbie E.

Grado is turkey suited.

We look at the end of Josh Alexander beating Kazarian with the C4 Spike to retain the World Title at Overdrive. Then Bully Ray came out, announced he was officially challenging at Hard To Kill in January, and beat up Alexander in front of his family. Then, with Alexander zip tied to the rope, Ray pulled Alexander’s wife over the barricade….and just threatened her because Alexander was loose. After the show, Ray grabbed the title but Rich Swann came out for the save. Scott D’Amore came out and threw stuff at Ray while asking what was wrong with him. Great segment. Why does it need to be Bully Ray and not someone new?

From Thanksgiving 2013.

It’s time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup. Fernum and Barnes (a couple of losers who lost the Turkey Bowl) are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere, Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to end the show.

More wrestlers are thankful for various things.

We look at Kenny King going after Mike Bailey at the overdrive pre-show and losing a six way match as a result.

King is going to take out Bailey before going after the X-Division Title.

From Thanksgiving 2017.

Team Edwards vs. Team Adonis

Eddie Edwards, Garza Jr., Allie, Fallah Bahh, Richard Justice
Chris Adonis, Caleb Konley, Laurel Van Ness, KM, El Hijo Del Fantasma

Delirious and Yuyu Uemura yell at each other in….something and Japanese.

Here’s what’s coming on various shows.

Steve Maclin wants the World Title but he is being held captive by his own company. From now on, it’s mayhem for all.

From Thanksgiving 2007.

Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

Overall Rating: C. I never know what to say about these things, especially when it was a bunch of clips from what was little more than a comedy concept. There was a bit of decent action and it is fun to look back at some flashes of different times in the company’s history, but there was nothing worth seeing here. Granted that is kind of the point, but this was still a weird choice for a show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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On This Day: January 6, 2008 – Final Resolution 2008: Anybody Remember This? Anybody?

Final Resolution 2008 (January)
Date: January 6, 2008
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

The opening video is about how the show called FINAL is about how everything is new. This is set to Ride of the Valkyries. The video talks about the major matches such as Christian vs. Angle and Gail vs. Kong.

LAX vs. Rock and Rave Infection

Rave stops Homicide on the apron and hits an STO but almost as fast as he hits the floor, SuperMex dives over the top to take out both members of the Infection. This is going REALLY fast. Rave gets beaten down with double teaming but Rock gets in to break up a Doomsday Device style move. SuperMex is sent to the floor so now the Infection gets to double team. Dig that mirroring of each other.

Kaz vs. Black Reign

Basically Reign has taken the look of Goldust and taken out the interest and workrate and added in the offense of Dustin Rhodes. Off to the chinlock to keep things riveting. A diamond stunner gets two for Reign. This is one of those matches that started out interesting and has shifted into one where I could show it to Alex DeLarge while his eyes were held open.

They both try cross bodies but collide to put them both down. Kaz fires off some rapid kicks which help a bit. Gee what a shock: a young non-Texas cowboy gets on offense and the match instantly gets better. He does that in the corner but dives out to the apron for a slingshot DDT for two. Spinning legdrop misses but whatever the Curtain Call is known as is reversed into a spinning downward spiral for the pin.

Knockout Title: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

Rating: B. See, this is the big difference between the Divas and the Knockouts. The Divas have matches that are supposed to be impressive because they involve girls. The Knockouts have matches that are like regular matches but happen to have participants who look good in tight shorts. This could have been good with men or women in it, which is a great sign.

Judas Mesias vs. Abyss

Sharmell/Booker T vs. Miss Brooks/Robert Roode

Post match Roode goes off on Traci and slaps him. He gets in her face in the corner and Sharmell goes in for the save. Roode accidentally punches her and Booker FREAKS. Make that everyone freaks. This feud would go on for like 4 more months.

Time for more of the Drinking Championships which is who can hold more beer in their bladders. You figure out the rest of it. Young wins and this was a waste of about 90 seconds.

Motor City Machineguns/Jay Lethal vs. Team 3D/Johnny Devine

Joe says he and Nash care cool and maybe he was wrong about Hall and Nash. He also wants it to be about wrestling and not about drama.

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash vs. Tomko/AJ Styles

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage

A highlight package of the main event takes us out.

Lockdown 2007 – Fire Russo! Clap x5 Fire Russo!

Lockdown 2007
Date: April 15, 2007
Location: Family Arena, Saint Charles, Missouri
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to TNA now for a show that apparently holds the record for highest PPV attendance. This is the usual deal where everything is in a cage. The main event is Lethal Lockdown, which is their version of WarGames. The teams tonight are Team Cage vs. Team Angle which is a feud that went on forever. Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about prisons. Makes sense. It shifts into a video about how deadly the main event is.

Lethal, who is pretty freshly Black Machismo, as in he started it ten days earlier, says he’s going to win the title tonight.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Team Cage (world champion Christian Cage, Tomko, Steiner, AJ and Abyss) says they’ll win but Tomko and Abyss almost get into a fight. Christian points out that Team Angle arrived separately. They don’t like Jarrett, who is the last member of Team Angle. If any member of Team Cage gets the winning fall, they get a title shot. This turns into Steiner and Tomko arguing about Christmas.

We recap Roode vs. Young which is still going on. The idea is that Young signed a contract with Young after getting screwed by Miss Brooks. This would be probably the peak of Young’s popularity. Young talked about having a friend who would help him and Petey Williams started helping him. That’s not the friend, who would be revealed in a few weeks.

Petey Williams vs. Robert Roode

Roode is the rich dude still. Young is with Roode and gets yelled at before the match. Petey hammers away to start and controls early with speed and stomping. Springboard Codebreaker gets two. Williams does the Tree of Woe spot where he stands on Roode’s balls and sings O Canada. Roode manages to send him into the buckle to shift momentum and I remember why I never wanted to see him get a singles push.

Roode is just totally uninteresting at this point. If you think he’s boring now, today’s Roode has NOTHING on 07 Roode. A SICK clothesline puts Williams down and Eric is just kind of sitting there and doesn’t like what he’s seeing. Middle rope kneedrop gets two. Off to the chinlock. Petey makes a comeback and tries a crucifix for two but he eats cage to break that up. I don’t remember anyone else going into the cage all night until then.

Rock Bottom gets two. Brooks tries to send in a hockey stick but Young makes the save. Williams hits something that we miss as Brooks and Eric are fighting outside. Williams hits a rana back inside as the camera is from above the cage for some reason. The camera goes back to Young so AGAIN we miss whatever Petey uses for two. A dropkick doesn’t hit Roode but he goes into the corner anyway.

Despite that PAINFUL missing dropkick, Roode hits a spinebuster for two. The Canadian sitcom on the floor continues as Roode demands the hockey stick, but Petey hits a cool DDT for two. Now Petey asks for the stick and a few shots with it take Roode down. And Hebner intercepts it because we can’t have weapons in a cage or something. Rollup gets two for Williams. Destroyer is countered and the Payoff (PerfectPlex) ends this.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this actually. Young was wildly popular at this point which shows you how bad Roode was, considering even he couldn’t get over with Young out there. Roode was just so boring and uninteresting that he needed Beer Money or he would have had nothing else to do.

Roode shoves Young post match.

Angle goes to talk to Rhyno who isn’t happy. They have to change the order of entrance tonight. Rhyno doesn’t trust Jarrett but Joe REALLY doesn’t trust him, so Angle should go have this talk with Joe instead.

We recap Gail vs. Jackie. Does it really matter? There was something at Final Resolution, Jackie TALKED REALLY LOUDLY and since that’s the extent of what she does, there’s your story.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

Bob Backlund, the referee for the next match, is insane and has long fingernails. He doesn’t say he’ll call it down the line.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

No backstory to this, because I don’t think TNA can explain it either. This went on for awhile and there was something about Kevin Nash holding a tournament which turned into a talent show and the X-Division Title was involved somehow. It made no sense and I don’t think they knew what was going on with it. I say that about a lot of stories, but this was one of the stranger ones ever.

Starr is Austin Aries who is from TV Land. See what I mean by this story making no sense? Backlund tries to keep things civil and Senshi takes over with his high impact stuff. Senshi chops him a lot Starr takes over with a back rake and suplex for two. STO sets up the pendulum elbow for two. Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab. Some more back work eats up a minute or two.

Senshi comes back with kicks to take over. Starr gets backdropped into the cage and a Capo kick gets two. Austin takes over again because guys of this style don’t particularly care for selling. He hits a powerbomb kind of move out of the corner and uses the ropes for two. Backlund gets shoved into the ropes to crotch Senshi who was setting for the Warrior’s Way. 450 gets two. Starr shoves Backlund and Bob shoves him into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine, but I just don’t care about these guys. I have no idea what the point of it was and like I said, I doubt TNA did either. This was basically any match with these two in it that you would pick out of a pile. There were some decent spots, but it came and went and I don’t care. Just not my taste at all.

Joe yells about Angle not letting him know who the fifth man (Jarrett) was. Come find him if you want Kurt. The idea is no one trusts Jeff. He tells Jeff to please cross a line with him because Joe will kill him if he does.

We recap Storm vs. Harris. Storm broke a beer bottle over Harris’ eye so he might never be able to see again. The result: a blindfold match, probably because no one ever watched Wrestlemania 7.

Chris Harris vs. James Storm

They’re both under hoods so they can’t see. Now go have a cage match boys! The chant of Fire Russo starts up immediately. No contact in the first minute. Ninety seconds. Storm corners the referee at about a minute thirty five. Two minutes in and the literally pass with an inch between them. Two and a half and no contact at all. They touch at 2:37 but both miss punches so let’s try it again. Three minutes now and the fans say they want wrestling. They touch again at about 3:15 and Harris tries to go to the mat but that doesn’t work either so they stop again.

Bear in mind, when there’s no “action” going on, they’re just wandering around with their hands out trying to find each other. That’s it. That’s ALL that happens. Harris points to his head with an idea. Or is he saying put the bullet here because my career is over? Anyway he points around the ring and the crowd cheering tells him where to go. Four minutes in and Harris hits seven punches and they do it again.

They get some really basic offense in (as in a knee to the ribs is a high level move) and Harris punches Storm so hard the hood flies off. We get one of the loudest BORING chants I’ve ever heard as Storm slams him but Harris rolls away to avoid an elbow. This is literally almost spot for spot the same match as Roberts vs. Martel back in 1991. Storm’s hood comes off again (Hey Storm: you’re a heel. TAKE IT OFF AND CHEAT YOU IDIOT!) but that could be too interesting so it’s back to the crawling around.

Somehow Storm manages to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two. The crowd isn’t booing now. They’re just silent. Harris counters two more attempts at it and hits a cutter off the middle rope for two. That gets two and Storm tries to climb but Harris uses the crowd again to make a save. They fight on the top rope and Harris does something like a spear off the top for two. Harris loses his hood, hits a full nelson slam….and it gets two. Harris grabs the referee and tries a Sharpshooter on him for some reason. Storm FINALLY CHEATS, hitting the Last Call with the hood off for the pin.

Rating: S. As in Sacrifice. Watch their match at Sacrifice. It’s one of the best TNA matches I’ve ever seen whereas this was just horrible. The stipulation makes sense, but as usual it’s not something that they thought through. The match ran about ten minutes and probably eight and a half was them walking around. One of the worst matches ever, and that covers a lot. Meltzer said it was the worst match of the year and I can’t say I disagree.

Angle talks to Sting who isn’t thrilled with Jarrett either. Kurt checks to make sure they’re all on the same side and Sting says he’ll go with it, but he’ll take both of them out if Jarrett does something out of line.

Daniels does some creepy promo about his purpose or something like that. He has to sacrifice something or other.

Jerry Lynn vs. Christopher Daniels

Lynn jumps him as he comes in as I think this is old vs. new but they really aren’t that clear on it. Daniels gets beaten down quickly but hits a neck snap on the top to take over. Victory roll gets two for Lynn. A leg lariat puts Jerry down and the crowd is being all quiet again. To be fair they have to follow that nonsense from the previous match so it’s going to take a lot to get them back into anything.

Daniels grabs a cord from a camera to choke Jerry. The crowd is SILENT here. Tenay tries to pass it off as the fans are too confused by Daniels. Whatever makes you sleep better at night Mikey. Lynn starts a comeback and sends Daniels into the cage. Rana gets two. DDT gets the same. This match needs to end soon. Daniels backdrops him into the cage but Lynn gets a quick cradle piledriver attempt.

Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Lynn rolls out of the way. Facejam gets two. The crowd is trying to get into it but it’s really not happening. They both go up top and Daniels hits a Downward Spiral off the top. They exchange near falls and the fans suddenly think this is awesome. I’m not sure that’s what I’d say but whatever. They go up top again where Angels’ Wings and Cradle Piledriver attempts fail. Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) ends this back in the ring.

Rating: C. Yeah whatever. Anyone that has read one of my TNA reviews before knows I don’t care for Daniels and this is no exception. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a match. The lack of a story is really hurting things here because I don’t know why these two hate each other. That and the cage is getting old.

Team 3D says they’ll win their first titles in TNA. They have a WCW tag title and a WWF tag title each. It’s an electrified steel cage match against LAX. Bubba does the talking (of course) and says tonight they win their 20th tag titles.

Quick recap video for the tag title match. Basically it’s an electrified cage match because that’s how it is at the border. Konnan’s idea, not mine.

LAX says the violence goes up tonight. Konnan is in a wheelchair at this point.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. LAX

No Konnan to start. This gets big match intros as it’s basically the first of two main events. The lights are dimmed for this so it’s almost blue. Apparently the current going through the cage is only on in certain places at certain times. They don’t have to tag because when the cage is electrified, tagging is pretty stupid. Team 3D controls to start. This is a hard match to call because they’re moving around kind of strangely here, due to trying to avoid the cage. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not the most exciting thing in the world.

What’s Up hits and at least D-Von was very tentative about going up due to being next to the cage. LAX takes over and uses whatever cheating methods they can. D-Von is busted and Homicide’s hand touches the cage to give us the first electrocution in the match. I didn’t expect to have to write that. Hernandez is busted too. He goes up but D-Von manages to crotch him. Homicide is crotched as well and we get nearly stereo superplexes.

D-Von beats up Homicide, hitting a powerslam for two. Konnan has been wheeled out. Whoever wheeled him out beat down the outside referee and gave Konnan some rubber gloves. Hector Guerrero, the Spanish announcer, jumps that guy (we can’t see who he is) and stares down Konnan. Apparently the guy who wheeled Konnan out was trying to get the key to the door. Hector unlocked it and the door is open. It’s hard to tell what’s going on due to the light. Bubba yells at him to hand him an F’ing table.

The delay allows for LAX to get a quick takeover but Hernandez stops to yell at Hector, so Hector slams the door on his head. The double neckbreker gets two on SuperMex. Bubba Bomb gets two on Homicide. Samoan Drop gets two on D-Von. Top rope elbow gets the same. This has gotten a good deal better. HUGE layout powerbomb gets two on Homicide by Bubba.

We get the first big electrocution spot as Hernandez Border Tosses D-Von into the cage and he vibrates like a fish on a fish frying plate. He’s COVERED in blood, which would be more effective if you could see it. The fans aren’t that thrilled with this as they chant Fire Russo. A middle rope elbow gets two for Bubba. D-Von is apparently fine after the MASSIVE ELECTROCUTION as a Doomsday Device gets two.

The table gets loaded up and D-Von is placed onto it. Hernandez puts some rubber gloves on but takes forever to do it. He climbs to the top of the cage but since he took FOREVER, the splash through the table misses. Looked awesome though. The Dudleys take over on Homicide, throw him into the cage, botch a 3D off the cage and then hit the 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but it wasn’t THAT bad. I mean, if you compare this to the blindfold match it’s a masterpiece. The cage stuff was stupid and I’m really not sure what the point of the lights was. Maybe the cage sucked too much electricity out? Anyway, not a horrible match but it was probably way too much for the payoff they got out of it.

Angle yells at JB for suggesting that calling Jarrett was an act of desperation. Team 3D’s music is still playing because they almost immediately cut away. That’s a running thing in TNA: it’s like they’re always running behind schedule.

We recap Lethal Lockdown, which is WarGames which I’m not going to explain again. Basically it’s Christian as champion and Angle wants it. Whoever gets the fall here, wins the title shot I believe. Also Jarrett is there because Angle couldn’t find anyone else. He was totally evil before he left for a few months, but Angle vouches for him. Abyss isn’t sure if he wants to be on Christian’s team but he was basically forced to due to a threat of violence against his mother. No one thought Angle had 5 guys but Sting and Jarrett showed up to fill out the team. No one trusts Jarrett other than Angle though.

Harley Race will be keeping the key.

Team Christian vs. Team Angle

Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner
Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, Rhyno

Two people start for five minutes, Team Cage gets the advantage for two minutes, after everyone is in the roof with weapons lowers, first fall wins and gets a shot at Christian at Sacrifice. AJ vs. Angle to start. AJ is still kind of an idiot at this point. He tries to take it to the mat but Angle is like boy please. Pretty much just feeling each other out so far to start. Angle goes into something made of steel and AJ stomps away. Off to the chinlock as they’re saving energy for later in the match. Kurt pops off an Angle Slam out of nowhere as the clock runs down.

Abyss is out second and Angle is in trouble. Shock Treatment to Angle and things go really slowly. Remember that there are two minute periods from now on. With really nothing happening in that period, here’s Rhyno who has to pose on the ramp before going to help his partner. He cleans house for awhile and hits a clothesline to take Abyss down. Angle is back up now so it’s a bit more balanced. Tomko comes out to make it 3-2.

The drug addict goes after the guy with alcoholic tendencies and the bearded one wins. Rhyno is busted. Joe comes in third. A lot of these periods are just coming and going with nothing interesting happening at all. Joe beats up Abyss while everyone else is kind of standing around. Down goes Tomko but AJ gets in a shot. MuscleBuster puts AJ down and Tomko takes Rolling Germans. Abyss gets caught in Joe’s Clutch as Steiner comes in to make it 4-3.

Just like the rest of the periods, he beats up all of the partners and hits what he calls the Frankensteiner on Rhyno. Other than that it’s all belly to belly suplexes. Sting comes in to tie it up. Death Drop to Abyss, Splash to Steiner, Splash to Abyss, Splash to Tomko/Styles. AJ tries to climb but Joe chases him, resulting in a SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOM. Ok that was awesome. Deathlock to Steiner but Tomko breaks it up. Christian is the final member of his team to make it 5-4.

Chops don’t work on Sting so Christian gets beaten down. Does no one watch Flair matches? Sting beats up Christian for a few moments and puts the Deathlock on him. Here’s Jarrett to fire off dropkicks for everyone and a Stroke for AJ. The roof is lowered. Everyone stands up and it’s a five on five brawl, rendering the first 21 minutes of this match totally useless.

Jarrett gets a bat but throws it to Sting. Rhyno gets a garbage can in the same method. Total dominance at this point by Team Angle. AJ gets the bat and clubs everyone not named Angle. AJ goes up through a hole in the roof to the top of the cage for some reason. Angle follows him up and Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Race pops Mitchell for his efforts and the crowd really doesn’t seem to care about this match.

Rhyno gores Tomko through the door as AJ and Angle try not to die by falling off the top of the cage. AJ cracks Angle in the head with a chair and Rhyno goes to the floor also. Steiner goes outside too and Joe dives onto Tomko. There are only four left in the cage. Abyss lays out the tacks but can’t chokeslam Sting and Jarrett at the same time.

Christian takes a double chokeslam from Sting and Jarrett which is a cool visual. Black Hole Slam to Jarrett but not onto the tacks. Angle knocks AJ off the cage onto the people outside the cage. SCARY stuff there. Abyss pours the other bag of tacks into the guitar and since he loaded it up, it goes over his head and Jarrett lets Sting get the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. This was more or less every Lethal Lockdown match you’ll ever see: there are too many people in the ring, the periods don’t mean anything until the end, and the match is pretty dull until the last five minutes. Still though it’s fun and it does what it’s supposed to do, which is all you can really ask for.

Sting, Rhyno and Joe shake Jarrett’s hand but Angle walks away as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t totally worthless and awful, but there’s a lot more bad than good on it. The worst two matches, the blindfold and electric matches, are by far the worst with the blindfold one being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The pretty good main event doesn’t save it and by the time you’ve sat through two and a half hours of drek, the good opener is long forgotten. Not the worst show ever, but it’s certainly not worth watching.

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Turning Point 2007 – Joe Shoots

Turning Point 2007
Date: December 2, 2007
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to more TNA tonight and the final show of 2007. This is the show with the pretty well known Joe rant against TNA because Scott Hall no-showed the event. The replacement winds up being Eric Young, back when he was still pretty lame. Other than that, there isn’t anything of note here as the most important stuff is coming up in the next year. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Angle Alliance (Angle, Styles and Tomko) in the back with AJ freaking out. Tonight it’s them against Joe and the Outsiders. AJ wants Christian to join them and Angle says he’ll go and do it himself.

The opening video has a Christmas sound to it and talks about a massacre coming. There’s another Abyss hardcore match tonight. Oh the uniqueness.

Team 3D/Johnny Devine vs. Jay Lethal/Motor City Machine Guns

This is a tables match and only one guy has to go through. This was part of the Dudleys hate small people story. Lethal is X Champion and Macho here, although Devine has stolen the belt itself which would go on for awhile. Ray goes on a pre-match rant against the fans, telling them how they all suck. They have to tag so Shelley vs. Devine gets us going. The Guns take turns beating on Devine and Ray is all ticked off.

Off to D-Von vs. Sabin who looks YOUNG. Lethal comes in and walks into a powerslam to put him back down. Both teams work on the arm to try to get some psychology in there but it’s just filling in time before we get to the wild stuff. Lethal tries to speed things up but walks into a one arm Rock Bottom which plants him. The X guys realize they’re not going to be able to hang in a tag match so they speed things up and take it to the floor with a trio of dives.

The Dudleys grab a table and slide it through the ring so far that it hits Lethal on the other side. The Guns get Devine alone in the ring and it’s time for a beating. You can tell they’re a bit winded (all of them that is) as things slow way down once the Dudleys take over. Lethal avoids a charge from Ray and Ray goes crashing through the table but it wasn’t an offensive move so it doesn’t count.

They exchange spots with the table until Devine tries to dive over the top and go through Shelley but Alex moves and it’s a huge crash which looked awesome. Ray does the move the table instead of breaking up the move so that your partner kind of gets screwed spot. 3D is countered and Lethal accidentally takes down the referee. The Guns bust out a pair of dives which the camera mostly misses. That’s been a big issue so far tonight.

Devine brings in a kendo stick but Lethal takes it and gets in a single shot before putting him on the table. That’s not exactly a big revenge move but whatever. Lethal goes up and drops the elbow through the table but the referee is down. The Dudleys come in and clock everyone with the title belt and put Devine on top to make the now awake referee think that Devine got the win, which he and the Dudleys get now.

Rating: C. Pretty by the book stuff here but the thing holding this back was that it ran fifteen minutes. The problem with that is that these matches are designed to be flashy and fun and running that long made the match go way too long. Cut this down by five minutes and it’s a much better match. Also get a new finish because that one has been done far too many times.

Nash says Hall will be here and that the only reason Nash joined Angle earlier was because Angle had a hot wife. Joe cuts him off and says when his partner gets here, let him know.

Roxxi Leveaux/ODB vs. Velvet-Love Entertainment

Velvet-Love is of course the Beautiful People and this is their debut match as a team. They’re nice here. Well I think they are at least. Velvet looks totally different here and not in a good way. She’s still hot but nothing compared to what she would become. Velvet vs. Roxxi starts us off but Velvet is scared so here’s Angelina instead. ODB comes in and spanks her so Velvet rides her around. We’re in a comedy match as ODB wants the referee to spank her.

Roxxi beats on Velvet for a bit and it’s off to ODB again. She stands on Velvet’s crotch and this match needs to end quickly. Now we get a series of spots based around ODB’s crotch. Sky escapes and it’s the not as hot as my partner tag to Love. Everything breaks down and a combination bicycle kick/Russian legsweep beats Roxxi.

Rating: F. Velvet looks a lot less hot with long hair and with a lack of makeup. On top of that, this was a “comedy” match but it wasn’t funny. Don’t you love it when that’s what winds up happening in these things? I still don’t get the appeal of ODB at all, but she keeps getting signed for some reason along with Jackie.

Jeremy catches up with Angle in the back. Kurt is going to Christian’s dressing room, presumably to try to get him to join up. Jeremy says Kurt needs to calm down a bit and Kurt implies Jeremy is sleeping with Karen and goes in to see Christian anyway. Kurt proposes an alliance and Christian is interested, but he wants to be in charge which Angle isn’t cool with. The offer is declined. Angle leaves and Christian gives his partner, Robert Roode, a mini pep talk before he leaves. Ms. Brooks gets in his face and domestic violence is implied.

We recap Storm vs. Young and the Drinking Championship. Young won it somehow which set up the following match.

Storm is mad because he can’t find beer. Jackie says none until after the match.

James Storm vs. Eric Young

Just a regular match here. Young comes in through the crowd to jump Storm and takes over with right hands. Oh and Storm beat Young up really badly on Impact to set this up. They fight on the floor and Jackie gets knocked out thank goodness. Young hammers away but misses a charge into the post. Storm is messed up because he can’t have any beer. He works on the arm on the floor for a bit and we head back into the ring.

Young is bleeding from the elbow. Storm kicks him in the head and goes up for a cross body, only for Young to roll through it for two. Back to the arm as the obvious conclusion becomes obvious: Eric Young as just Eric Young is really boring. There’s the Eye of the Storm but Storm goes up to the corner to chill for a bit instead of covering. The delayed version gets two.

Off to a pretty weak Fujiwara Armbar which goes on twice, both times for awhile. Young makes his one armed comeback and goes up for a top rope elbow, getting two. Storm tries a reverse tornado DDT but Young escapes into a northern lights suplex for two. Enziguri sets up a Backstabber for two for Storm. Superkick misses and Young grabs a powerslam for two. Jackie tries the beer spit but hits Storm by mistake. After some beer related hijinks, Young gets a sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a boring match here which was pretty typical for matches in the midcard for TNA around this point. Nothing to see as Young vs. Storm was based around the beer thing and then in the end that wound up playing a pretty worthless role. Again, this went too long (twelve minutes) and it hurt things a lot.

The announcers talk a bit and Hall still isn’t here. They run down the rest of the card.

LAX says they’ll win Feast or Fired and aren’t worried about consequences about beating up Christy Hemme on Impact recently.

Feast or Fired

This is TNA’s version of Money in the Bank. There are four cases: one has a world title match, one a tag, one an X Title and one is a pink slip. We have Scott Steiner, Senshi, BG James, Petey Williams, Shark Boy, Lance Hoyt, Christopher Daniels, Elix Skipper, LAX, Kip James, Jimmy Rave, Chris Harris and Sonjay Dutt. This is the first match ever in this series for lack of a better term.

You have to have the case in your hands and your feet on the floor to officially win this. It’s a big mess of a match to begin with because you have everyone running around all at once with no real idea of a flow or story whatsoever. The fans like LAX more than anyone else. We’re not going to find out who has what case until Impact. Great. Petey hits a sweet slingshot rana to the floor to take out Daniels.

Petey Williams gets a case. Harris is chilling on the floor because he doesn’t want to get fired. That’s kind of smart actually. BG James has hurt his knee and is being taken out on a stretcher. Kip has a case almost off the hook but can’t get out of the ring. Kip throws it over the top to BG who officially has the case now. Harris keeps going over to the announce table and yells at the announcers.

Hernandez tosses Senshi up to the corner where he’s able to grab on and get the third case in a pretty cool looking moment. LAX goes after Rave but here’s Christy for the save. The LAX chick comes in to take her out. Shark Boy clears out the ring so here’s Harris to beat him down a bit. Sharky, ever the scholar, accepts Harris’ offer of help, only to get caught in an electric chair. Harris has a clear shot but doesn’t want it out of fear.

SuperMex throws Dutt up and over the top by the sides of his head. He really is scary strong. Kip, clad in pink, goes up but gets caught by Scott Steiner again. Daniels comes in for the save but Hernandez stops him from getting a case. Actually Daniels gets one but Hernandez knocks it out of his hands. Steiner comes in again and steals the case to end things.

Rating: C-. Kind of a mess as always but the stealing of the cases was kind of a nice touch. These matches never really worked all that well but they were trying and they did the only things you can really do in them. The Hernandez spots were cool too but it’s not like this is anything we haven’t seen a bunch of times before.

The cases would be revealed as Scott with an X Title shot, Petey with the world title shot, BG with the tag and Senshi had the fired one, but he would lose the case to Daniels who was fired instead.

We recap Gail Kim vs. Kong. The idea is that Kim is the champion who has beaten everyone in her reign but is running into Kong who is unlike anyone she’s ever faced before.

Gail says she’s ready to go through whatever it takes to keep the title.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

This is the only title match tonight. Gail’s looks are hit and miss for me. She looks good in white though. Kong jumps her during the entrance which is smart for a change. When the other chick is posing on the apron why wouldn’t you jump them? They start fighting on the floor and Kim’s strategy seems to be “get beaten up really badly and hold on as long as I can without dying.”

Kong misses a charge and hits the post. Kim goes straight for the arm and Kong can barely fight her off. We get a bell out of nowhere. Oh that was all pre-match. Kong throws on a sleeper and then spins Kim around in it. That can’t feel good. Kong takes over with power and hooks a camel clutch, making Kim’s top come up. No complaints there.

It’s all Kong here with the power game. As Shawn said in the Mania 13 main event, why mess with what brought you to the game? A three point stance into a splash in the corner crushes Kim. A torture rack is broken up and Kim is trying to get some separation. She goes back to the arm and has Kong in some trouble. You can’t work on fat though and that’s what Kong uses to put her down again. Awesome Bomb is countered as is the spinning backfist.

A middle rope dropkick has Kong staggered. A second one puts Gail down and the place ERUPTS. A senton backsplash gets two. Kong gets up and fires off the spinning backfist to put Kim down again. She chokes away in the corner and shoves the referee down for the LAME disqualification to keep the title on Kim.

Rating: B-. DANG that finish sucked the life out of that match. These two have some sweet chemistry together and it was working out there, until they screwed it up with the DQ ending. The crowd was WAY into this though and the idea of David vs. Goliath is always going to work, which it did here. Even I was getting into this one.

Post match Kong beats up everyone in sight. Velvet comes out to try to help but that goes about as well as you would expect. During the whole thing they keep ringing the freaking bell which gets old after about two rings. Angelina comes in with a chair. She’s nice about it though, holding it in front of her face so that Kong can hit it. There’s an Awesome Bomb (mostly) onto the chair on Kim. ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKING BELL!!!

AJ freaks out on Angle for not getting Christian on their side tonight. He threatens to walk out because he can’t function without Christian. Kurt: “What are you, fruity or something?” Karen says shut up and says she can get Joe to turn on the Outsiders. Tomko likes the plan and Kurt says he’ll go do it.

We recap the match of 1000 thumbtacks. Abyss is fighting Rellik and Black Reign (Goldust) in an ultra violent match. Rhyno was supposed to be his partner but he’s hurt so we have a mystery partner.

Black Reign and Rellik are in the basement and Goldust licks his pet rat. He wants Raven to love him. Moving on.

Abyss/??? vs. Black Reign/Rellik

Oh so apparently the partner was known and it’s Raven. This is the Match of Ten Thousand Tacks. There are tacks everywhere and there’s a bag of them above the ring on a pole. Wave to Russo everyone! Tenay continues to treat the fans like idiots by reminding them that Rellik is Killer spelled backwards, thereby taking away the monster aspect and making him sound like a 13 year old trying to be clever on AIM.

Everyone but Raven heads to the floor so Raven jumps over the top to take everyone out at once. Abyss and Reign go up into the crowd as Raven uses his Russian legsweep to send Rellik into the barricade twice. Back at ringside, Abyss sets up a table with tacks on top of it. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to talk about in this match as it’s the same match Abyss did every week in this period.

Abyss gets his hand on whatever weapon Reign usually uses which has a sharp blade on it. That busts Reign open and everyone is back inside now. Abyss is busted via something. It was a chair shot. Good enough. Rellik slides in a bed of tacks and drives a handful of them into Raven’s mouth. Things slow way down as they’re filling in time for the finish now. Rellik goes for the bag of tacks above the ring but gets powerbombed off by Raven.

Raven Effect gets two on Reign. Now Bird Man is bleeding from the mouth. Oh man Abyss is COVERED in blood. We’re just waiting on the big spot to end this. Reign hits everyone with a kendo stick but as he’s choking Raven he gets flipped off the corner and into a table covered in tacks. Raven misses an elbow through a table to Rellik who gets the bag of tacks off the pole. Abyss goes for a chokeslam to Rellik but gets something spit into his eyes. There’s a Black Hole Slam into them instead and we’re done.

Rating: C+. It’s a big brawl with lots of blood which is what most of the rating is for. The problem with Abyss is he always had to top what he did before, which became a problem as he had too much stuff to do. Not a bad hardcore match but the tacks spot had been done so many times before that it’s hard to get fired up for them again.

Angle goes to talk to Joe, saying they’re on the same wavelength. He talks about how Hall and Nash are using Joe. It’s a big snow job here but Kurt leaves so Joe can think about it.

We recap Cage/Roode vs. Kaz/Booker. This is more about Booker vs. Roode which is Booker’s first feud in the company. Kaz beat Christian in a tournament final so there’s the other half of the match.

Booker says he’s here to become world champion but also to face the best in the world.

Christian Cage/Robert Roode vs. Kaz/Booker T

Booker vs. Christian to start us off and it’s off to Kaz very quickly. A jumping back elbow takes Kaz down but the non-Canadian takes over, getting a kick for two. Off to Booker vs. Roode which would be one of the least interesting feuds that I can remember in a long time. Off to an armbar by Booker to Roode. The fans are split here as we look at the yet to be named Peyton Banks (get it?) who was stalking Roode at this time.

Off to Kaz who gets two on Christian. Kaz beats up both heels as Ms. Brooks (Kaz’s real life wife) cheers. A big plancha takes out both heels as this is one sided so far. Booker is pretty useless here as double teaming takes down Kaz. Roode hooks a chinlock to fill in some time. We look at the stalker fan again and make it a third time. Kaz speeds things up and Roode just can’t keep up with him.

He tries a springboard something but jumps into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Kaz fights out of the corner and Christian’s head goes into Roode’s crotch. Roode recovers from the pain and breaks up a hot tag to Booker, only to walk into a DDT/neckbreaker combo from Kaz which takes out both him and Christian.

Booker comes in off the hot tag and cleans house, getting two on Christian via a spinebuster. Christian loads up a superplex which fails. Booker hits a missile dropkick and gets two off the Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner. The side kick misses but here’s Kaz again. Roode launches him to the floor but Booker takes out the Canadians with ease. Spinarooni sets up the Axe Kick but Roode breaks it up. Bobby accidentally clocks Christian with a chair and the Axe Kick finishes this technically clean.

Rating: C. Eh this wasn’t great but it was a way to let Booker get a win on PPV. Yep, this was about pushing Booker because he wasn’t a big enough star on his own yet so we so let’s put him over two midcard heels on PPV. Kaz didn’t do much here and the match wasn’t incredibly interesting either way. Just kind of there.

Christian attacks Roode post match. AJ runs out to break it up for no apparent reason.

In the back, Joe is going off on Nash about Hall not showing up. This was legit and we’re approaching the big moment on this show. Joe says he’ll be out there tonight but not alone.

We recap the main event, which is all about the reuniting of the Outsiders to fight the Angle Alliance. Amazingly enough, the feud is about old vs. new. I’m shocked too.

Angle Alliance vs. Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash/???

The match isn’t going to start for a bit. The Alliance is Tomko/AJ (Tag champions) and of course Angle (world champion). AJ as a heel just isn’t working at all. It never did and it never will. He’s a clueless putz here too so that isn’t helping anything. Karen has some sweet legs. Joe comes out last and grabs the mic for the rant heard around the Impact Zone.

He talks about how he was told to come out here because the fans love him and they’ll listen to him. Scott Hall no showed this event but he’s not going to be here in a surprise or something like that. This got Joe thinking: he could walk out here and have a handicap match, but TNA just gave him a live mic on a PPV. Therefore, he has a few things to say.

There are two types of people in TNA: the diehards who do whatever it takes to entertain the fans every night, and Superstars who come in and do whatever they like. The Superstars screw the wrestlers and the fans who paid to see them, no matter how old they are. TNA is about the Guns, TNA is about Jay Lethal, TNA is about Samoa Joe, TNA is about hard working young guys who want to change wrestling. TNA is about guys doing whatever it takes to entertain the fans while others come in and pad their pensions.

Joe talks to someone in the crowd (presumably Dixie) saying go ahead and fire me. He went to the back and said who wants to be in a fight tonight. The X Division jumped up and said give me the shot. One guy though stood out to him and that is his partner tonight: Eric Young. This was a weird pick and according to some reports I’ve read, Joe’s immediate answer was Homicide, but since LAX were heels at this point that got shot down. At least that’s a valid reason.

Ok so now it’s time for the match. AJ vs. Joe gets us going here. Joe hooks a sunset flip but rolls AJ to the side around the ring (that has a name but I can’t think of it) and chops away. Joe tags in Eric who just doesn’t fit here as he’s a comedy character. This didn’t result in a major push for him either. Young comes in to fight Angle and he’s just Eric Young. That’s the problem here: there’s nothing significant about him but he’s just kind of there.

Off to Nash vs. Tomko and the one with hair takes him down with his usual big strikes. Young gets a Thesz Press on Styles, followed by a wheelbarrow suplex for two. Angle grabs Eric’s arm and pulls it across the ropes to try to give the match a story. AJ tries a superplex but gets caught in a gordbuster off the top. Double tag brings in Nash and Angle but everything breaks down quickly.

Eric’s dive is caught by the tag champs so Joe dives onto all three of them to take them out. Ankle lock to Nash and Joe smiles. He eventually breaks it up with a superkick and tags himself in to beat on Tomko. Powerslam gets two. There’s a Jackknife to Angle as the parade of finishers begins. AJ hits the forearm on Nash and double teaming abounds. The MuscleBuster ends Tomko.

Rating: D. What a mess this was, and somehow having Hall in there would have made it even worse. Young had no point of being in there and it was almost a shoot with everyone being thrown off by Joe’s promo. The match was going to be bad no matter what, but this was really weak and a horrible PPV main event.

Overall Rating: D. This was pretty weak overall with nothing interesting or even that good on the whole card. The Knockouts match was good, but the rest is just so lackluster and boring that it took me about 4 days to get through this show. This was a really weak period for the company and this was a great example of why. The Outsiders thing was horrible and really sums up a lot of the problems with former big names like that. Bad show.