IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 27, 2006
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania and I’ve been digging the heck out of the last few shows. Tonight features a match which would be a much bigger deal at a different time but for now it’ll do well enough: John Cena vs. Vince McMahon. Other than that it is time to build things up for Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

A rather enthusiastic Vince McMahon is in his office to welcome us to the show and hypes up his match with John Cena. Just to be fair though, his Wrestlemania opponent Shawn Michaels will be in action tonight too, against HHH.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Mick Foley, with wet hair and carrying a red box. He is ready to face Edge in a hardcore match on Sunday but it does not give him the right to stick his fingers down Lita’s throat. That is why he has brought an apology gift for Lita: a bouquet of roses from inside the box. There is another box for Edge on the stage, so Foley invites Edge and Lita to join him. Edge and Lita come out but Edge doesn’t want to hear it because the present could be a trap.

Foley says it is something Edge can use at Wrestlemania, so Edge says that Foley could use a win at Wrestlemania. All Foley does anymore is dip into his legacy in the name of a paycheck and one day the account is going to run dry. Foley cuts him off to say that it’s all about the Wrestlemania Moment and he has something in mind. He pictures Edge bleeding all over and begging for mercy but since Foley has lost his ear, he can’t hear any of it.

Foley wants Edge to hear the pitter patter of blood drops and then Foley being announced as the winner. Now Edge needs to open the box and he finds…a baseball bat. Edge comes to the ring with it so Foley reaches down into the box and pulls out a barbed wire baseball bat and Edge bails from the threat of pain and suffering. Good promo, but I think they were as ready as they were going to be last week.

We see the trailer for Edge vs. Foley and come back to Foley cradling the barbed wire bat as the Cactus Jack theme plays.

Kane vs. Carlito

Carlito jumps him for an early two and that’s about it for his offense at the moment as the left hands have no effect. The sleeper doesn’t work either as Kane uppercuts him down and hammers away in the corner. The running clotheslines set up the side slam to drop Carlito again but he kicks the knee out. A DDT gives Carlito two but Kane is right back up with a hand around Carlito’s throat. Carlito grabs the referee for the fast DQ.

Post break Kane chases Carlito into the back where Chris Masters, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch all jump him. They throw him in a closet and put a forklift in front of it but Big Show comes in for the save. There is no key though and Kane is trapped.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge for Big Show but he is still in the back, trying to shove the forklift. Kane pops up behind him though and Show is stunned. Show: “How did you get out???” Kane: “There’s another door.” That’s one of the funnier things I’ve seen WWE do in this era. So we go to the ring where Kane chases Carlito off. Masters can’t get the hold on so he jumps Show and gets chokeslammed. So much for that.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child will be singing America the Beautiful at Wrestlemania.

Long and well done video on John Cena’s training in the gym and road to the top of WWE. None of his friends are betting against him, but Cena knows what it means if he loses. He has made a living out of proving people wrong though.

The final inductee into the Hall of Fame: Tony Atlas.

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

The slugout is on to start with Shawn hammering away in the corner and doing the same on the mat. HHH gets knocked to the floor and then over the announcers’ table. Shawn posts him and they head into the crowd with a backdrop sending HHH right back to ringside. Back in and HHH grabs the facebuster but the Pedigree attempt is backdropped to the floor. Cue Vince to menacingly point though and we take a break.

Back with HHH hitting a nice spinebuster and a knee to the back of the head for a bonus. Some right hands to the head and an elbow to the jaw put Shawn on the floor, meaning HHH can send him into the steps. Back in and Shawn gets in the forearm into the nipup and the crowd is rather pleased.

Vince grabs the foot and gets on the apron though, only to have Shawn catapult HHH into him. The top rope elbow hits HHH but Vince breaks up Sweet Chin Music. That earns him a right hand but HHH uses the distraction to grab the Pedigree. Vince comes in and holds Shawn so HHH can pull out the sledgehammer. Cue Cena for the save and the ring is cleared for the no contest.

Rating: C+. These two can have a good match with each other in the right circumstances and this one was close enough. They did what they could do here given how much there was going on elsewhere and that worked out well enough. I want to see both Wrestlemania matches and they can only have so many things to help set the two of them up at this point.

Wrestlemania Big Time Moment: the first Money in the Bank match.

During the break, Vince said that Shawn can be in Cena’s corner because HHH will be in his.

Here’s Ric Flair, with a ladder in the ring, to talk about losing the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania VIII. People thought that was it for him but he has won the title again since. He has one more title run in him so he can finish his career with seventeen, and he is starting with that briefcase. Flair starts climbing the ladder but here’s Shelton Benjamin to tell him to shut up.

Shelton thinks he needs to shut up because Wrestlemania is his night. The fight is on and Shelton goes up but here’s Rob Van Dam to pull him down. Rolling Thunder onto Shelton onto the ladder lets Van Dam say Sunday is every man for himself. Flair pokes him in the eye and gets in a ladder shot to leave them both laying.

Spirit Squad vs. Val Venis/Viscera/Eugene

Kenny, Johnny and Mikey for the Squad here and it’s Viscera with a swinging Boss Man Slam to plant Mikey early. Eugene comes in to ride Mikey like a horse so Johnny comes in to send Eugene into the corner. That means some Michael Jackson dancing, allowing Kenny to come in for an elbow. Eugene gets over for the hot tag to Venis so commentary can make some innuendo jokes. Kenny uses the trampoline to jump up and break up the Money Shot though, allowing Johnny to steal the pin.

Rating: D+. You’re only going to get so much out of a team of jobbers who sound like they are the kind of people who would walk into a bar. The Squad needs to actually win some matches for the sake of actually having a point around here other than cheering so this worked as well as anything else. They kept it short too, as they should.

Post match the beatdown stays on, including the quintuple slam to Eugene. The Squad throws in a bonus cheer on the stage. On a minor note, Venis seemed to hurt his shoulder here, which was an excuse for him to go away for three months for elbow surgery. Why WWE felt the need to write off Val Venis isn’t clear but well done on the attention to detail.

We get a video on HHH, talking about how he is the top star in WWE and how no one can do it like him. This includes his Wrestlemania training, with him working to get in the best shape of his career. He even went to Brazil to train with a special trainer. That’s some dedication.

William Perry is going into the Hall of Fame as well. Makes sense for Chicago.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Earlier tonight, Mickie James, surrounded by candles, was sitting in a shrine to Trish Stratus (there are a bunch of magazine clips and a sign saying LIAR). Mickie says her obsession is Trish’s destruction.

Trish is disturbed but Torrie Wilson, and her dog, are here for the tag match.

Trish Stratus/Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle/Victoria

Torrie wants to start with Candice so Victoria knocks her down for suggesting that she can intimidate anyone. Candice comes in to drop Torrie again and hit the Go Daddy dance. Victoria comes in but misses a charge into the corner, where Candice is sitting on the top. The hot tag brings in Trish to clean house, including the spinning anklescissors to Victoria. Candice and Torrie get in the catfight on the floor as Trish escapes the Widow’s Peak and hits Stratusfaction for the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah I’m not sure what else you were expecting as Trish is FINALLY getting on to someone else who can give her a good match other than Victoria. It’s a little strange to see Trish and her serious story mixed with the goofy Playboy stuff but waiting for Trish vs. Mickie was as good as you were going to get at this point.

Video on Mickie’s obsession with Trish.

Vince McMahon vs. John Cena

HHH and Shawn Michaels are the seconds. Actually hang on as Vince insists that Shawn and HHH are handcuffed to the ropes to make sure that it’s one on one. Vince dodges to the side to start because he needs to pull on the ropes a bit. They lock up and go nowhere as the fans are behind Cena (shocking). There’s a head/throat lock from Vince but Cena powers out with a top wristlock. Back up and Vince calls for and receives a test of strength. This goes as you would expect with Vince in some serious pain, so he kicks Cena low for the DQ.

Rating: D. This wasn’t exactly a normal match and that’s a good idea. You don’t want to risk Cena getting hurt six days before Wrestlemania and Vince is only going to be good for a garbage brawl anyway so this was as good as you were going to get. It’s more of an historical curiosity if nothing else and that’s fine enough for the circumstances.

Post match Vince uncuffs HHH, who grabs the sledgehammer. A shot to Cena’s head busts him open and a rib shot to Shawn lets Vince get in a chair shot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s kind of a weird show as they had me wanting to see Wrestlemania on the way in and while they set things into stone a bit more, I’m not sure if I want to see the show all that much more. The wrestling wasn’t all that great of course, but this was the show designed to keep people safe, with only Shawn and HHH having a match with any substance and that included a lot of brawling. Not terrible, but this show is always a little weird.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 6, 2006
Location: Birmingham Jefferson Convention Complex, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

We have less than a month to go before Wrestlemania and that means we need to get in some more build between HHH and John Cena. That being said, the bigger story going on is Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels, which is likely to get a lot more time tonight. That and maybe some more Money in the Bank setup. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Marty Jannetty trying to get a job last week, leading to Shawn Michaels having to save him from Chris Masters. Shane McMahon got involved as well and forced Shawn into Vince McMahon’s Club instead.

Here are Vince and Shane, flanked by a bunch of security, to open things up. With the camera pointed at the ramp for a weird visual, Vince talks about the Oscars last night and seeing three hours of a** kissing. That was weird to see, but it was nothing close to what we saw last week. Of course we have visuals on the screen, but Vince has some people to thank, complete with music playing behind him.

He thanks the Spirit Squad and Chris Masters, the latter of whom was so helpful that he and Carlito are now receiving a Tag Team Title shot at Wrestlemania. Then there is Marty Jannetty, who will not be here tonight and will never be in the ring again. The fans deserve some thanks as well because they are willing do do anything to keep their jobs. Finally there is Shane, who humiliated Shawn, which is why Vince loves him so much.

That brings us to Wrestlemania, where Shawn is facing a 60 year old man on the cover of Muscle and Fitness magazine. Shawn’s music hits so security runs to the floor, because they’re really stupid. Shawn runs in through the crowd and jumps Vince until security pulls him off. Vince and Shane escape, with Vince saying Shawn faces Shane at Saturday Night’s Main Event in a street fight. Tonight though, Shawn is facing…..Shane!

Post break Shane doesn’t get it but Vince says he is going to ruin Shawn’s life.

Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton is defending and has Mama Benjamin in his corner. Flair goes after him to start but walks into an early Samoan drop for two. A delayed suplex gets the same but Flair slugs his way out of the corner. Shelton even reaches out for his Mama as Flair keeps hammering away. It’s too much for Shelton so he pokes the referee in the eye. Flair grabs the Figure Four to make Shelton tap but the referee calls for the DQ instead.

Post match Flair is livid and beats Shelton up with Mama’s oxygen tank.

During the break, Teddy Long announced that Money in the Bank was now inter-promotional, with qualifying matches continuing this week on Smackdown. Rob Van Dam was there too. Yeah it’s quite the unnecessary cameo.

HHH vs. Kane

Wrestlemania XV rematch. HHH circles around a bit to start and gets in a poke to the eye, earning himself a beating in the corner. Kane goes up top but gets crotched back down, leaving HHH to not be able to hit a suplex. It’s too early for the Pedigree as Kane backdrops his way to freedom and hits a delayed side slam. Now the top rope clothesline connects but Chris Masters runs in for the distraction. HHH clotheslines Kane outside so Kane grabs his feet and HHH grabs the referee. That’s enough for Carlito to run out and spit apple in Kane’s face and post him, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: D+. You wouldn’t usually expect a match in 2006 to be about as overbooked as the original version booked by Vince Russo. At least there was nothing that left you scratching your head this time and the Tag Team Champions finally have someone to face for the titles. HHH getting a win on the road to Wrestlemania helps, even if it took a distracted referee and two people interfering.

Victoria and Torrie Wilson are ready to unveil Candice Michelle’s Playboy cover. Torrie is upset over Candice being mad at her but Victoria says Torrie messed up and Candice is under a lot of pressure. Torrie implies Candice might be disrobed in the ring tonight.

Stephanie McMahon comes in to see Shawn and tries to apologize for Vince and Shane, plus everything she has ever done. She goes to leave but has some pregnancy issues. Shawn goes to get her a water and Stephanie spikes his water.

Video on Candice Michelle’s Playboy shoot.

Victoria and Torrie are in the ring and unveil the Playboy cover. The cover rises up and Candice herself is inside for the Go Daddy dance. She says she is hotter than Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler (Candice: “Congratulations on finishing third by the way Stace.”) and has the hottest Playboy cover of all time. Right Torrie? That’s a little too far for Torrie but Candice keeps pushing until Torrie calls her a b****. Candice backs off and they hug, with Candice winking at Victoria, who jumps Torrie from behind. Victoria and Candice even have a quick kiss as they leave.

Shawn isn’t feeling right but drinks more water.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

Vince McMahon is here too. Shawn charges in and slugs away with the chase being on. Shane gets in a cheap shot though and Shawn looks a little shaky. Some right hands in the corner have Shawn in more trouble but he comes back with a right hand. He can’t follow up though and the chops have little effect. There’s the nip up but Shawn can’t get all the way to his feet. Shane punches him down again and here are the doctors but Vince won’t let them come to the ring. Shane dances around as Shawn can’t even stand up. Shawn finally collapses and Shane gets the easy pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t the point of course, but the McMahons really need to work on their poisoning skills as Stephanie did the whole thing on worldwide TV. The point here was the angle advancement as we continue to get ready for Shawn to destroy Vince once and for….well probably at least a day or so.

Post match Shane tells Lilian Garcia that Shawn has another match right now.

Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels

Vince covers him for the pin in about five seconds.

Post match the McMahons do the big celebration until the Spirit Squad comes out and puts the McMahons on their shoulders.

Eugene vs. Kenny

Hold on though as we need a quick dance off and then a game of hide the air horn. Kenny uses the distraction to get in a cheap shot and the beating is on in a hurry. A jumping elbow to the face and another to the chest give Kenny two and we hit the chinlock. Kenny hits a basement dropkick for two and we’re back to the chinlock. Some forearms to the head get two more and the chinlock goes on again.

That doesn’t last long though and Eugene is sent into the buckle, meaning it’s time to get fired up. The airplane spin into a bulldog gives Eugene two and a bridging O’Connor roll is good for the same. Eugene hits a Rock Bottom but a distraction lets Johnny come in for a kick to the head. Kenny adds the top rope legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. You do need to have the Spirit Squad get in the ring at some point as they are just glorified background characters otherwise. That being said, it is rather amazing to see that they have turned so many OVW stars, including Eugene, into this stuff. It is good to have them on the show and that is the point for all of them, but how long were they expecting these characters to last?

Video on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Lita vs. Maria

Lita is out for revenge from a few weeks back when Lita pinned her in a mixed tag. Edge is here too and Maria is looking a little nervous. A clothesline and some knees have Maria in early trouble and Edge mocks her from ringside. We stop for a quick kiss from Edge, allowing Maria to grab a rollup for two. The cockiness continues with Lita talking trash but the fans are right there with the Jim Duggan catchphrases. Lita finally plants her with the DDT for the pin.

Rating: D. Another match built around the story more than anything else and that’s fine. They made it very clear that Lita is a Women’s Champion and Maria is there because of the Diva Search. It didn’t make for the most exciting match but it was what they should have done here from a logic perspective.

Post match Edge loads up the spear on Maria but Mick Foley comes in for the save. Lita offers a distraction though and Edge spears Foley. The Conchairto follows and Edge accepts the challenge for Wrestlemania.

Sherri Martel is going into the Hall of Fame. That’s a good choice.

Mickie James is very happy with Sherri being inducted when Trish Stratus comes up. Trish says they need to talk and finally cuts Mickie off, saying she’s going too far and they need to be apart. Trish leaves and Mickie is devastated.

Saturday Night’s Main Event rundown.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Non-title Wrestlemania XX rematch. Show shoves him down to start and Cena isn’t sure what to do here. The big shots knock Cena into the corner and there’s a beal back out of it. Cena gets slammed as Show stays on his back and a side slam cuts him off for two. We hit the required bearhug but Cena fights out and low bridges Show to the floor. Cue HHH with the sledgehammer and we take a break.

Back with Cena hitting a delayed vertical suplex for two with Cena getting his foot on the ropes. Another slam gets another two but Cena gets the boots up in the corner. A middle rope crossbody is pulled out of the air though and Cena is down again. Cue Carlito and Masters but Kane jumps them from behind.

That lets Cena catch Show on the middle rope with a suplex (with the camera cutting to a shot of HHH, though they show the full thing on the replay). Cena stares at HHH though and gets shouldered down, only to counter the chokeslam into a DDT. Another chokeslam attempt is escaped and it’s the FU for the pin, much to HHH’s shock.

Rating: C. This was another match where it was all about the angle advancement with HHH vs. Cena and there’s nothing wrong with that. They took a step here with HHH realizing he might be up against something special with Cena and that could bring out the bigger, more evil HHH. Granted that might not be the best thing in the world, but at least they have a reason for going there.

The big staredown ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. We are firmly to the point where the wrestling does not matter and that was the case right here. The wrestling was mostly bad tonight but that is far from important whatsoever at the moment. They advanced some stories here and that is one of the best things that they can do with less than four weeks to go before Wrestlemania.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 28, 2005
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

We’re done with Survivor Series and unless Raw is doing something at Armageddon, we’re building towards New Year’s Revolution. John Cena retained the World Title on Sunday and needs a new challenger now that Kurt Angle is out of the way. I’m not sure who that is going to be though and that could be a problem. Let’s get to it.

Here is Survivor Series if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

An annoyed Eric Bischoff is in the ring to start things off. He’s about to call every Raw wrestler out here because he needs to give them a piece of his mind. Last night, Raw let him down and failures like that will not be tolerated. Bischoff demands everyone out here right now so he can fire the first person he sees.….so here’s Vince McMahon. Vince: “How do you do? I’m Vince McMahon, the Chairman of the Board.” Vince talks about Bischoff failing at everything he promised to do last night. Bischoff tries to explain himself but is told to shut up.

Vince: “YOUR RECORD SUCKS! If Monday Night Raw is a failure, they’re going to perceive ME as a failure!” Bischoff has one job tonight: set a goal of any kind and accomplish it, or Vince can look for his replacement. That’s fine with Bischoff, who doesn’t think Vince can find much of a replacement. Almost on cue, here’s the returning Shane McMahon and Bischoff looks like he just ate a bad chimichanga. Shane says he’s never liked Bischoff and is looking forward to seeing him go. In case you’re not that bright, Shane clarifies that he will be the replacement if Bischoff fails.

Shawn Michaels vs. Carlito

Carlito is out to prove that he should have been the captain of Team Raw. The apple goes into Shawn’s face to start and Carlito knocks him to the floor. Shawn chops away but gets knocked down again, setting up the headlock on the mat. Back up and Shawn tries to skin the cat but gets knocked outside, setting up a slingshot dive to the floor. Shawn is right back up for a chop off in the corner, followed by a middle rope crossbody for two on Carlito.

The forearm into the nipup doesn’t quite work as Shawn’s knee gives out and we take a break. Back with Carlito staying on the knee until he fights out of the corner. The moonsault press takes too long to set up though and Carlito crotches him down. That earns Carlito some elbows to the face and now the top rope elbow connects. Sweet Chin Music is countered into a DDT for two but Shawn escapes a Roll of the Dice. Now the superkick can put Carlito away.

Rating: C+. This was one of the better Carlito matches I can remember, though a match with Shawn might not be the best measuring stick of Carlito’s abilities. Maybe he was fired up for some reason but it was a stronger performance than usual from him. Granted when your normal isn’t very good, any improvement is a nice thing to see.

Kurt Angle storms in to Bischoff’s office and says last night was the biggest screwjob in the history of Survivor Series. Daivari comes in to rant as well. Angle wants the World Title tonight.

Clips from last night’s main event.

Video on HHH beating Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing match.

Maria comes in to ask Bischoff, who is rubbing his head, if he thinks he’ll be fired tonight. Bischoff wants to know why she came in here and it was Shane’s idea. Tonight, Maria is making her in-ring debut…against Kurt Angle. Bischoff’s goal for tonight is to make sure she never asks another question.

Kurt Angle vs. Maria

Daivari is referee and yells at Maria, so the regular referee pulls him off. The referee hits Daivari in the mouth so Daivari stomps him down and puts on the camel clutch. Angle comes out and hugs Maria….followed by the Angle Slam. John Cena runs in for the save as this feud must continue.

Post match (the bell rang), Chris Masters runs in for a Masterlock on Cena so Angle can hammer away. Bischoff comes out and has a main event: an anything goes triple threat submission match for the World Title. Angle gives Cena an Angle Slam for a bonus.

Post break, we look at what we just saw.

Trish Stratus/Mickie James/Ashley Massaro vs. Victoria/Candice Michelle/Torrie Wilson

Mickie sends Torrie into the buckle to start and it’s off to Ashley for an ax handle to the arm. Torrie pulls her into the corner though and Victoria comes in for a wishbone. A snap suplex gives Victoria two and we hit the chinlock. That doesn’t last long and Victoria misses the slingshot flip legdrop so Mickie can get the hot tag. Mickie cleans house and there’s a hurricanrana out of the corner to drop Victoria. Trish takes Torrie down and Mickie hits Stratusfaction to finish Victoria off.

Rating: D+. What are you expecting here? They made no secrets about the fact that the women are in there to look good and the wrestling is secondary. It does help that Trish vs. Mickie is turning into a story, though we could be a long way off from them getting to the point. That’s the only real opponent on the horizon for Trish at the moment and that’s not a good sign.

Shane comes in to see Bischoff, who is confident that he’ll accomplish his goal. Shane didn’t think much of the Maria deal so Bischoff calls him a member of the Lucky Sperm Club (that family has some weird clubs). Bischoff winds up against the wall and the threat seems to make its intended point.

Daivari assures Angle that he’s ringing the bell the first time that Angle grabs a hammerlock. Masters comes in and says he knew something was up. That’s why he’s gone to Vince and they’ll be having an impartial referee tonight.

Video on the European tour.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton knocks him to the floor in a hurry and hits a big clothesline off the top. Back in and the Stinger Splash misses so Murdoch can stomp away. The Dragon Whip gives Shelton two but he misses another top rope clothesline. A Downward Spiral gives Murdoch two but Shelton is back with the Stinger Splash from behind. Murdoch sends him face first into the middle buckle though and a rollup with trunks finishes Benjamin.

Rating: D+. That’s not something you expect to see and I still can’t get what they’re doing this for. The losing streak is something that has been done for years but who looked at Shelton and thought it was the right move for him? Shelton’s momentum has been gone for months now and I have no idea why they’re giving him this story.

Here’s HHH for a chat. HHH knows that some people don’t think he’s compassionate but he took care of Ric Flair. He made sure Flair is in a nice hospital room with a plasma TV on the wall and the USA Network included. His advice to Flair is easy: stay down, because he’s done. There is nothing left for Flair to do after back to back pay per view matches with HHH. There’s no shame in losing to the best, so Flair needs to go home after this is over. The fans don’t like that but HHH says that’s what separates them from him: they knew something needed to be done about Flair but HHH did it.

There is no one alive who will look him in the eye and say something to his face, so here’s Big Show to interrupt. Show has known him for a long time but now HHH needs to hear it to his face: he is a piece of s***. The fist is held up next to HHH’s face so does he have the guts to fight Show now? HHH tries to say something and the mic is knocked out of his hand. That’s going to be it for HHH, who bails in a hurry.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Snitsky/Tyson Tomko

Snitsky and Tomko are challenging and we’re joined in progress with Tomko hammering Kane down for two. It’s off to Snitsky to choke on the ropes until Kane sends him face first into the mat. Show comes in with the big side slam as everything breaks down. Kane hits the top rope clothesline to Snitsky and Show chokeslams Tomko to retain in a hurry.

Raw World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Masters vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and it’s submission only. Cena charges straight at Angle but the numbers have him in trouble early. Masters and Angle take turns dropping elbows on him but Angle sends Masters to the floor. That leaves Angle to slip out of an FU attempt and grab the ankle lock until Masters makes the save with the Masterlock to Angle. That’s broken up by Cena so Masters Masterlocks him.

Angle makes a very delayed save and hammers away, while managing to tell Masters that he sucks. The ankle lock has Masters in trouble so Cena hits a top rope ax handle for another save. Cena unloads on Angle until Masters breaks up the Shuffle. The straps come down and Angle grabs the chair, which is kicked straight back into his face. Cena smashes the chair on Masters’ leg and grabs an STF to retain. Coach: “WHERE DID CENA LEARN THE STF???” Make your own jokes.

Rating: C-. This was a weird one but I remember watching it live and being very surprised by the STF. It was a good surprise and while I know Cena’s version doesn’t have the best reputation, it was a great debut for the hold. That came out of nowhere and gives Cena a new weapon to use. The FU is good but now he can switch things up a bit, which is a smart idea.

We cut to Vince, who says that next week, the trash is taken out.

Overall Rating: C. They got out of Survivor Series mode here and that’s what they needed to do. There’s only so much that you can do when you have the one big story going on for so many weeks and it was time to move on. Now we have some fresh feuds and hopefully some of them can pick up the pace around here. I liked this well enough and maybe things can improve a bit as they hit December.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

In which we talk about Torrie Wilson and probably get in trouble for it, plus Jim Ross and all the Raw and Smackdown happenings.

https://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-58-rowdy-raging-ronnie-rousey-torrie-hall-of-fame-wwe-dropping-pg-aew-gets-its-man/

Also, make sure to check us out on the Wrestling Rumors Facebook page tomorrow for our live Fastlane preview (we’ll have the audio fixed).

https://www.facebook.com/wrestlingrumors/

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 15, 2004
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Is it too much to ask to have more than one big story on the show? Last week saw JBL announced as the new #1 contender in a story that dominated the last two weeks. The second biggest story has been Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam, which feels a long way down the ladder. That’s the main event tonight though so maybe it’s going to get a little better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of last week’s big angle, partially set to Steve Blackman’s music for some reason.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to open things up. He’s received about 27 phone calls this week from Kurt Angle (complete with an imitation, with Angle insisting that he DOES NOT suck), demanding an apology. JBL isn’t a great American because of his riches. See, JBL has been trying to pull one over on the fans by saying he’s from New York in his business suits. Eddie looks at him and sees a great American sellout.

JBL’s money doesn’t make him better or smarter than anyone else….and here’s an approved message from JBL on the screen. It’s a campaign style ad focusing on Eddie’s lying, cheating and stealing, which has a small vocal minority. Real Americans need to silence that voice and support a good man like JBL. Eddie says he’s tired of dealing with this same stuff since he became champion and he’s sick of it. Yeah he does all those things but he worked hard to get here. It took him seventeen years to get his first title shot and it wasn’t handed to him in a bogus award ceremony. Now JBL is #1 contender so let’s do it tonight.

Instead here’s Kurt Angle, who doesn’t appreciate any of this. Angle doesn’t appreciate him (how rude) so Eddie can have his title match tonight. Now it’s JBL in the limo to interrupt. He’d love to face Eddie tonight but after a week of shaking hands and kissing babies (and some baby mamas), he’s a little tired so the match can’t take place tonight. Angel agrees and lets JBL have his title match at Judgment Day. Tonight, it’s Eddie vs. Big Show. Eddie is stunned, as am I over this somehow taking nearly eighteen minutes.

Post break Show comes in to see Angle and JBL. He wants to know if he has a WWE Championship match tonight, but that’s a big negative. Show yells at both of them and isn’t happy with being their enforcer. If he can’t beat Eddie tonight, he quits.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Non-title and there are a lot of Cena signs in the crowd. We have two champions in the ring so the opening commentary is all about Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. Cena doesn’t respond well to being slapped in the face and slaps Chavo even harder as the announcers actually notice a match going on.

A headlock and a clothesline keep Chavo in trouble and it’s off to the second headlock on the mat. Chavo sends him outside and Chavo Sr. gets in a cowboy boot to the back of the head. Back in and we hit a camel clutch (continuing the family tradition) for all of five seconds before Cena powers out. A dropkick gives Chavo two but Cena is right back with the running shoulder. The Throwback, followed by taking Sr. out, sets up the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. You would kind of expect something a little better from two champions, but I can’t say I’m surprised that the Cruiserweight Champion was beaten clean in such short order. I could have gone for a botched interference from Sr. or something but it’s not like the Cruiserweight Champion is on the US Champion’s level in the first place.

Video on Booker’s initial complaints about being on Smackdown. It looks like we’ll be going over the whole history to set up the main event. All two weeks of it.

Rene Dupree is having a new romantic dinner with Fifi (a different dog this week) and announces his new interview segment starting next week: Cafe de Rene.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie by powerbombing him onto a lowrider…in October of last year. Did we really need to have a flashback for a one off match?

Charlie Haas is warming up when Jamie Noble comes in. Jamie tells him to not worry about amateur wrestling when he faces Rico. It might as well be an intergender match. Charlie isn’t worried so Jamie talks about all the things Rico might do. The final advice: don’t let Rico get you from behind. Nunzio comes in and wishes Haas good luck too.

Rico vs. Charlie Haas

Jobber entrance for Charlie. Rico and Jackie Gayda pose on a mini stage on the way to the ring. We start with some prancing and Charlie is disgusted by an early lockup. Charlie takes him down and shouts about Rico being sick so Rico reverses and starts groping. Rico gets behind him and Charlie bails to the ropes as this is firmly in bad comedy territory.

A sunset flip lets Rico pull the trunks down, meaning more humor. Charlie forearms him in the face and chokes away as the announcers find this hilarious. Rico slips out of a suplex and kisses Haas, who bails to the floor. That’s enough to send Haas bailing to the floor for some water, but Rico pulls up his thong to scare Haas off for the countout.

Rating: F. Hey, did you know that wrestlers who may be gay are “sick” and apparently disgusting? They also seem to be completely incapable of not molesting their opponents, which seems to be the case with every WWE wrestler using the same gimmick. This is always so dumb and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse.

Post match Haas vomits. Fair enough.

JBL promises Show a pizza if he wins but Show says he’s doing this for himself.

A man in a white beard is surrounded by candles and reads a bunch of Bible verses. His name is Mordecai and he’s here to be the right hand of the destroyer. Oh dear indeed. Cool vignette though.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show

Non-title with Show’s career on the line. Show wastes no time in hammering away and a headbutt puts Eddie down. Some tosses send Eddie from corner to corner and there’s a choke for good measure. Eddie gets smart by stomping on the foot but another headbutt keeps him in trouble. Show makes it even worse with the loud chops but a low bridge takes him to the floor.

Eddie dropkicks him down again and we take a break. Back with Show choking on the mat before starting in on the arm. He even gets smart by wrapping Eddie’s arm around the rope. That doesn’t suit Show very well so let’s try a bearhug instead, followed by a big boot. It’s right back to the arm, which really doesn’t seem right coming from Show. Eddie’s comeback is cut off by a clothesline and Show walks around the ring a bit. Now that suits him very well.

Eddie gets knocked outside and finds a wrench under the ring, which he loads into the back of Show’s boot. The referee catches Show pulling it out and the distraction lets Eddie hammer away. Is there a reason why he didn’t distract the referee and hit Show with the wrench? A middle rope tornado DDT puts Show down but the kickout sends Eddie into the referee. With no one looking, Eddie gets in a low blow and another DDT, setting up the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: D. Well this didn’t need to be fifteen minutes long to put it mildly. To be fair though, Show was in need of knee surgery (hence him leaving) so he probably wasn’t moving nearly as well as he would have otherwise. Eddie won just as he should have and he did what he could, but there’s a limit to what a hampered Show can pull off.

Post match Eddie leads the fans in an extended Goodbye Song, which seems to hurt Show’s feelings.

Clip of Van Dam winning his first match on Smackdown and Booker being miserable.

Show is leaving and runs into Torrie laughing with the makeup lady. That must be about him so Show gets in her face and leaves. Torrie is terrified and leaves because she doesn’t have a match tonight.

Teddy Long introduces Mark Jindrak, who has the perfect body and the looks of Adonis. Mark looks at himself in a mirror and Teddy calls him the Reflection of Perfection over and over.

Mark Jindrak vs. Spike Dudley

Jindrak throws him into the corner to start and starts talking trash, followed by a pretty impressive dropkick to knock Spike off the top. A delayed one arm vertical suplex keeps Spike down and the belly to back suplex into a side slam finishes him in a hurry. Total squash.

Video of Booker walking out on Van Dam tonight. Do they really need to stretch out a show this much?

Raw ReBound looks at just about everything on the show.

Torrie goes to leave but Show comes up (from the direction that Torrie was looking, though she’s still surprised) and yells at her for laughing. He kicks in the windows of her car as Torrie begs him to calm down. Show breaks more windows and then turns the car over. Torrie runs away screaming and Show very slowly walks after her. Somehow this took nearly five minutes.

In case we didn’t spend enough time on it already, here are two replays of the car being flipped.

Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s the rare serious Van Dam this week. Rob stomps him down in the corner to start and gets two off a standing moonsault. They head outside with Booker in even more trouble, this time off some kicks to the ribs. The spinning kick to the back knocks Booker off the barricade and we take a break.

Back with Booker hot shotting him for what sounds like his first real offense. Booker hits a neckbreaker and Tazz thinks he’s going after the neck. Even Cole mocks him for making such an obvious observation and Booker drops a knee for two. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Van Dam is back up, only to be kicked right back down.

The Book End is blocked and Van Dam hits his step over spinning kick to the face. Rob’s springboard kick to the face gets two and the split legged moonsault gets the same. Booker rolls away from the Five Star though and Booker superkicks him into the ropes with Rob’s arms getting tied up. A bunch of right hands actually get Booker disqualified at the five count. You don’t see that every day.

Rating: C-. It was far from great or even very good but at this point I’ll take anything I can get. The feud isn’t quite as big of a deal as WWE seems to think it is, though there’s a story to it that doesn’t revolve around the idea of Rico kissing someone or a cowboy hat, which puts it ahead of a lot of the stuff on this show.

Post match Booker beats on him a little more and does a Spinarooni.

Show has somehow caught Torrie (who was running while he slowly walked) and has her above a conveniently placed ledge. He threatens to throw her off the ledge until Angle shows up. Angle says he’s the one who gets in trouble if something happens to Torrie and violence is threatened. Torrie is allowed to leave so Angle goes after Show, who chokeslams him off the ledge, setting up a loud THUD. We look down and Kurt is unconscious with blood flowing from the back of his head and his leg bent at a rather nasty angle. So that’s it for Show and Angle seems to be close to dead. I guess that’s at least half of a happy ending?

Overall Rating: D-. Another horrible show, this time with the completely stupid Rico match, Torrie running away like the girl in a slasher movie and Angle being nearly murdered. Eddie and Big Show had a horrible match and now we’re gearing up for JBL vs. Eddie in over a month. If Van Dam vs. Booker is as good of a secondary story as they have, it’s going to be a very, very long year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2003
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a Smackdown main event. This time around it’s going to be rookie upstart John Cena challenging Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, meaning it’s likely time for a big face to face showdown. Other than that it’s Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper tonight for reasons I don’t even want to begin to understand. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show with Cole making sure to say that “we are just 72 hours away, three days, from Backlash”. I have that 72 hours, three days thing burned into my head after hearing Cole say it all those years.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Before the match, Cena raps his history, which basically summarizes the tournament and says he’s winning on Sunday. He also promises graphic footage to prove that Lesnar shouldn’t be champion. Rhyno wins the early power battle and sends him outside, only to get dropkicked on the way back inside.

A middle rope Fameasser with Rhyno draped over the ropes has Rhyno in trouble and it’s time to start in on the neck. Back in and we hit the armbar for a good bit until Rhyno fights up with a powerslam. The still yet to be named Throwback sets up the ProtoBomb but Rhyno catches him in a spinebuster. The Gore misses though and Cena rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here and I kind of like the idea of Cena making a power guy miss a catch him on a quick pin as it gives him another option to take the title from Lesnar. Unfortunately it wasn’t a great match in the first place, but at least Cena won and beat someone that the fans still care about.

Mr. America is coming.

The FBI annoys Chris Benoit for losing last week when they had a bet on him. They want their money back but Nunzio winds up with a match against Benoit instead.

Sable flaunts her body to Josh Matthews and hypes up the Sable Invitational body contest later tonight.

Some wrestlers toured a Navy ship earlier this week.

Chris Benoit vs. Nunzio

Stamboli and Palumbo get in some shots from behind while Nunzio has the referee. As usual the referee has no issue with Benoit being down despite his opponent not touching him and doesn’t even yell at the other Italians. They trade some chops with the Canadian getting the better of it (well duh) but Palumbo trips Benoit again. The Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser) gives Nunzio two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. An enziguri finally gets Benoit out of trouble and grabs the rolling German suplexes. Nunzio pops up but the springboard armbar is countered into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D. I’m hoping they pull the plug on the FBI thing in the very near future as it’s just not interesting. Nunzio is the best worker of the team and even he’s only decent. On top of that, it’s such a simple and not very interesting idea. They’re just stereotypical mob thugs and that’s far from good enough to survive. At least Benoit won though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match.

Tajiri and Funaki watch Rey Mysterio 619 Big Show last week and have a hearty laugh. Cue Big Show to destroy the TV and VCR to blow off some steam.

Rey Mysterio vs. Crash

Crash is now an MF’er, meaning a follower of Matt Hardy, who only uses low fat salad dressings. Tazz dubs Crash a Moore-On as he’s working his way up to MF’er. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor but gets armbarred for his efforts. The sitout bulldog is countered with a belly to back suplex (Crash is the first person to come up with that counter?) but the kickouts frustrate Crash. Now the bulldog works fine and the springboard seated senton sets up a tornado DDT to give Rey two. The 619 sets up the springboard legdrop to put Crash away.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help Rey get ready for Big Show on Sunday. Crash doesn’t exactly fit the mold for a goon as he wrestled his usual not great match here without looking like anything more than a bad wrestler. This should be setting up Rey vs. Matt but it’s Rey vs. Big Show for reasons I don’t understand.

Cena gives A-Train a pep talk and shows him Lesnar giving him a very scary F5 that saw A-Train landing on his head. That was edited off the actual broadcast if you don’t remember seeing it. A-Train wants to end Lesnar.

Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper

Unfortunately Piper wrestles (work with me here) with his shirt off and the blinded referee doesn’t see Sean O’Haire hit a low blow. Some right hands knock Piper backwards and Sean takes a few of his own but O’Haire comes in to break up the Stinkface for the DQ.

O’Haire beats him down even more and adds the reverse Death Valley Driver.

The evil French guys (now officially La Resistance) are still coming.

It’s time for Sable’s body contest. Before anyone comes out, Sable says this is designed to see if anyone can be as sexy as Torrie. However, Torrie won’t be here tonight because she’s feeling a bit fat lately as she hasn’t been able to get to the gym with all the Playboy stuff. Nidia and Dawn Marie come out and are about to do their thing until Torrie comes out, as expected.

Nidia and Dawn do their thing and get their standard reactions. It’s time for Torrie, who hits on Sable, giving her kind of a standing lap dance, complete with lollipop, and….loses anyway. The beatdown is on and Torrie is left laying as this story is now more confusing than anything else. So Sable is now a lesbian cougar who didn’t interest Torrie but now Torrie is interested (or just playing the proverbial “mind games”) but Sable isn’t interested? Is that where we are?

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Team Angle is dedicating their win on Sunday to Kurt. Shelton takes him down without too much effort but lets Chavo up pretty quickly. Chavo scores with a dropkick and a clothesline as Tazz thinks Eddie stole money from him. Why were Los Guerreros never accused of stealing the FBI’s money a few weeks back? It’s kind of their thing to do.

Chavo’s hurricanrana gets two but he walks into a belly to belly for the same. A quickly broken camel clutch doesn’t do Shelton much good as Chavo grabs a flapjack. An STF that John Cena would think looks bad has Shelton in trouble but Charlie Haas pulls him over to the rope. The referee yells at Eddie for going after Haas, allowing Charlie to turn over a rollup and give Shelton the pin.

Rating: C-. They tried to put a bit too much into this and it wasn’t as good as I was expecting. At least they actually set up something for Sunday as that hasn’t seemed to be the case for most of the night. Chavo is the weaker of the team but he’s certainly capable of having a good match. There was a bit too much interference to let that work here though and it was kind of a mess as a result.

Cena talks trash to Lesnar.

Big Show vs. Tajiri

Show catches him without much trouble and a clothesline cuts off the kicks. A charge misses and Show crotches himself, allowing Tajiri to fire off more kicks. Show’s kick drops Tajiri again but here’s Mysterio’s music for a distraction. Not that it matters as the chokeslam plants Tajiri. Cue Rey in person to post Show, drawing a countout.

Rating: D-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Show has been humiliated twice in a row and is likely to squash Mysterio on Sunday, Rey is little more than a fly who is going to be swatted in the actual match, Tajiri gets treated like a jobber and Mysterio/Tajiri beating Team Angle to start the whole thing meant nothing at all. If someone would be interested in pointing out a positive in this whole mess, please let me know.

Stephanie McMahon is bent over a table for no apparent reason other than she probably thought she looked good that day (granted she’s not wrong). She’s an All-American girl and is happy to have Mr. America here next week.

Backlash rundown.

Brock Lesnar vs. A-Train

Non-title with Cena on commentary. Lesnar’s pyro when he jumps to the apron seems to shake Cena, which you don’t see very often. Joined in progress after a break with an exchange of power shoves. We hit a front facelock with Brock rolling A-Train around like he’s not even there. Back up and a big collision puts both of them down and it’s another staredown.

Brock finally gets a more definitive advantage by clotheslining A-Train to the floor, allowing Cena to trash talk even more. The distraction lets A-Train kick him in the face to take over, followed by the chinlock. Brock fights up but gets puts right back down with a hard shoulder. A powerslam works a bit better for Lesnar, only to have A-Train grab the Derailer for two. Cena: “WHAT’S UP WITH CHIODA DOG??? WAY OUT OF POSITION!” The F5 plants A-Train a few seconds later but Cena comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Slow, plodding power match here with an obvious and dull ending. Lesnar winning is fine and A-Train got in some big shots despite having no change to win. There’s no hiding the fact that Lesnar vs. Cena is the only Smackdown match that matters on Sunday but it’s looking like little more than a glorified squash. Bad main event to a bad show.

Cena chains Lesnar in the head and hits the Death Valley Driver (now the standard AA). A belt shot to Lesnar’s head ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The best thing on the show was a lackluster Chavo vs. Shelton match as it’s clear that the Smackdown side of Backlash means absolutely nothing. Brock vs. Cena is the distant third biggest match on the pay per view card and everything else is complete filler. This show did nothing to shake that idea as the whole thing was Lesnar vs. Cena and everything else, none of which was interesting in the slightest. It was a terrible show and another part of a horrid stretch for the brand.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 17, 2003
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s tournament night as we have the finals to crown a new #1 contender. John Cena will be facing Chris Benoit, which is pretty much the best final they could have gone for. Cena should be the favorite after having spent weeks taunting Lesnar but Benoit is one of those cases where it’s easy to see him pulling it off. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the tournament, which hasn’t been too bad so far. I’m not sure if it’s worthy of the music video treatment though.

Opening sequence.

Big Show/A-Train vs. Rey Mysterio/Tajiri

Assuming this is going to see the small guys crushed up and sprinkled on the monsters’ pizza, beating the champions last week would be rather pointless. Mysterio slugs away at A-Train to start and gets thrown into the corner for his efforts. A basement dropkick gives Rey a breather though and it’s off to Tajiri for a kick of his own. A-Train shoves them down but it’s a double dropkick to stagger him again. Big Show breaks up the 619 though and the order of the universe is restored.

Show launches Rey into the corner and it’s time for the slow motion beatdown. A pair of backbreakers has Rey in more trouble and A-Train follows up with the modified Gory Stretch. Rey gets in a tornado DDT for the breather though, setting up the hot tag to Tajiri. The handspring elbow barely connects but a springboard kick to the face gets two. Show casually throws Rey outside though, leaving A-Train to kick Tajiri in the head for the pin.

Rating: C. Questionable booking aside, this wasn’t a bad match with the smaller guys getting in some nice shots before going down. Big Show and A-Train are fine for a pair of heavies but they need something to do. Rey and Tajiri could be a perfectly fine tag team, though this isn’t the best way to help set them up.

Post match A-Train takes the mist and Rey 619s Big Show around the post. That’s REALLY not cool with Big Show. After the break, Show rants about being embarrassed so he wants to face Rey at Backlash.

Here’s Brock Lesnar for his first talk as champion. Interviewer Michael Cole goes over the shooting star and Lesnar says he was lucky to survive that. It took him five months to win the title back and he knew he had to do whatever it took. Kurt Angle is the first person to kick out of the F5 so Brock had to do something special. He had a concussion but there’s no doubt that he would do it all again. Brock talks about his respect for Angle but here’s Cena to cut him off. Where is the respect for Cena? Brock is just a white boy up in here lying to the fans.

Cena gets all fired up talking about how he’s bigger than Lesnar and the title, only to be cut off by Chris Benoit. Chris talks about how Cena has to show some respect because no one is bigger than the title. Brock calls Benoit out for not respecting him and they go nose to nose, only to have Cena demand respect from them both. Eventually Brock says they should all respect the winner of the tournament but Cena gets in a cheap shot on Benoit.

Mr. America is coming. Oh boy here we go.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Jamie Noble

Hang on as here’s Team Angle to mock Los Guerreros, who are now #1 contenders. So yeah, the Rey/Tajiri match means nothing at all. Charlie says Grandma Guerrero is the best housekeeper that money can buy, which is enough of a distraction for Noble to get in some cheap shots to start. A swinging neckbreaker gives Jamie two but an uppercut sets up Three Amigos. Eddie’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two and it’s Chavo taking care of Nidia so Eddie can frog splash Jamie for the pin.

Eddie and Chavo make gay jokes about Team Angle and win a quick brawl.

The French guys are coming. Tazz makes a joke about all the ethnic acts at the moment and he’s got a point.

Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio is official for Backlash.

We recap the FBI vs. Undertaker/Nathan Jones. They really think there’s something to the FBI? Really? Johnny gorilla pressing Rikishi should have gotten him something but that hasn’t been mentioned since.

Undertaker is going to be out a few weeks due to elbow surgery.

Earlier today, Jones nearly murdered Nunzio but settled for beating up the rest of the team instead.

Torrie is stretching when Sable comes in. She liked seeing Torrie get out of the shower last week but this time she needs help undoing her zipper. Sable unzips herself and takes her top down because she has nowhere to change. Torrie leaves though and Sable has to cover herself with her hands. Well at least they’re not hiding what they’re going for here, but we’ve covered this with Dawn Marie and it’s already been made clear that we’ve seen all we’re going to see. It doesn’t have the same effect twice in a four month stretch.

Long recap of the Hogan/Vince/Piper ordeal.

Rikishi vs. Sean O’Haire is confirmed for Backlash.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit and that could mean anything. Piper gives a rambling rant against fans on the internet, saying fans are coming out of the closet to beat people up but he likes it. We see the Snuka coconut thing from twenty years ago, followed by the same thing happening to Rikishi last week. Anyway, Piper has been looking for the modern wrestler with intelligence so here’s the champion of champions: Sean O’Haire.

Sean comes out and praises Piper, who might be even more evil than O’Haire is. Before Piper can say anything though, here’s Jimmy Snuka to send Piper through the roof. Piper sucks up to him but Jimmy says we have a problem here. Sean is ready to fight but Piper says he doesn’t need food or water because he’s self-contained.

Piper wants to bury the coconut, only to have Snuka hit him in the head. O’Haire gets involved as well but it’s Rikishi out for the save. A chair to the back drops Rikishi though and the bad guys bail. That’s enough for Rikishi to challenge Piper for next week while Snuka’s eyes are bulging as only his can. I like the idea of pushing O’Haire but this is getting very high on the list of most overbooked angles that are likely to collapse underneath their own weight.

Torrie did a Playboy signing in New York earlier this week. They’re pushing the heck out of that thing as only WWE can do.

Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia

Torrie’s gear has the Playboy logo prominently displayed. Hang on a minute though as here’s Sable to referee. Torrie and Sable stare at each other so Nidia can jump Torrie from behind. That goes nowhere so Nidia throws her into the corner, only to get caught in the headscissors solely designed for a certain angle of Torrie’s shorts. A high crossbody and basement dropkick give Torrie two but hang on as Sable has to dropkick Noble to the floor. Nidia gets caught in a tornado DDT for the fast pin.

Sable gives Torrie one of those looks.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Brian Kendrick

Matt, who really digs his book and whose favorite sushi is freshwater eel, is defending. Brian goes with a fast backslide to start and takes out Shannon Moore with a suicide dive for good measure. Back in and Matt throws him off the top though and Brian is in early trouble. Kendrick gets caught in a full nelson but he climbs the ropes and spins around to drive Matt’s head into the mat for a really cool counter. An enziguri gets two, followed by a to rope elbow for the same. Sliced Bread #2 is countered though and the Twist of Fate retains Matt’s title.

Rating: C+. Kendrick has been showing up almost everyone on this show week to week and this was no exception. It wasn’t a great match but for something that barely broke three minutes and saw Kendrick hitting some good looking stuff and barely stopping, it was quite the entertaining match. Now can we put him over someone other that Moore for a change?

The FBI is ready for revenge on Nathan Jones.

The APA went to Washington DC to visit soldiers.

Nathan Jones vs. Nunzio

Jones kicks him down and chokes a bit until the FBI comes in after less than a minute.

The Italians beat him down and crush the ankle with the steps to send Jones down to Louisville.

Mr. America is still coming. Nothing has changed in the last hour and a half.

#1 Contenders Tournament Finals: John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says Benoit can rent the space beneath his teeth and calls him a Dynamite ripoff. Benoit takes him down to start and works on the arm for a bit. Cena is smart enough to shove the referee and nail a low blow. We hit the early chinlock for a bit before Cena reverses the first German suplex into a victory roll for a near fall. The threat of a Crossface sends Cena bailing to the floor so Benoit dives through the ropes to take him down again.

We take a break and come back with Benoit working on the arm again. Cena grabs the yet to be named Throwback for a quick two before we hit the neck crank (with their backs to the camera because they don’t know how to work). Benoit gets thrown hard into the corner but manages to suplex his way out of a chinlock.

Back up and Benoit elbows him in the face, only to get caught in something like a reverse Blue Thunder Bomb (Benoit landed at the side instead of between the legs for two. That just earns Cena the Crossface, though he’s too close to the ropes. Benoit slips out of the Death Valley Driver and tries a sunset flip but Cena drops down into a cradle for the clean pin.

Rating: B-. You have to give Cena the clean win here to make him look like a bigger threat against Lesnar, especially after the mess of the match against Undertaker last week. Benoit controlled it for the most part but Cena got in enough offense that it didn’t look like a fluke. That’s the value of someone like Benoit, who can make Cena look good but doesn’t really lose much in defeat. Good match too.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event is easily the best thing about the show but the big stories are major issues at this point. Cena vs. Lesnar is third on the show with the way overdone Piper’s Pit stuff (assuming you don’t count that as a separate story from Hogan vs. Vince) and Sable/Torrie above it. I can understand the World Title not being the biggest story on the show but sweet goodness it would be nice if one of the bigger stories was even slightly interesting.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 3, 2003
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Wrestlemania and that means it’s time to reset a few things. It also means that we don’t have Kurt Angle around for a long time as he needs a fresh bandage on that pesky broken neck of his. Brock Lesnar is World Champion again and that means he needs a new challenger. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Wrestlemania set to Crack Addict.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Stephanie McMahon for the serious speech about how great Wrestlemania was and the injuries to both Brock (who has a concussion) and Angle (pretty much everything), the latter of whom could be out for several months. But never mind any of that because we’ll be having a #1 contenders tournament for the shot at Backlash starting tonight. Here are the brackets:

Rey Mysterio

Undertaker

John Cena

Eddie Guerrero

Chris Benoit

A-Train

Rhyno

Big Show

#1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey tries to speed things up to start and scores with some kicks to the leg, only to have his head taken off with a big boot. A chokeslam is broken up with Rey grabbing a DDT, followed by the 619 for two with Rey being launched off the cover. The West Coast Pop is loaded up and easily countered into the Last Ride to send Undertaker to the next round.

Rating: C. It was starting to get energetic when Undertaker realized he was selling for Rey Mysterio. The fact that Rey only got in the 619 and then got finished with one big move doesn’t do him many favors, but it’s not like Undertaker was exactly known for his selling at this point. Not terrible, but Undertaker didn’t give him much here.

Undertaker helps him up post match. It’s not exactly Jeff Hardy last year.

Vince McMahon wants to know when Hulk Hogan arrives.

Jamie Noble vs. Brian Kendrick

Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy, who was the only Hardy to wrestle at Wrestlemania this year and has read his book twelve times, are out for commentary. Jamie stomps away in the corner as Tazz tries to be funny about Matt’s diet focusing on yams instead of banana juice. Brian gets sent to the floor where he kicks Nidia away and comes back in with a high crossbody. A powerslam gives Jamie two and a hard clothesline gets the same. Nidia pulls the ropes down to send Kendrick outside but Jamie’s dive takes her out by mistake. Sliced Bread #2 gives Kendrick a fast pin.

Matt dumps Kendrick outside and calls out Brock for a champion vs. champion match. Brian tries to come back in and gets beaten down again.

The FBI steals stuff from a truck after tying the driver up.

Highlights of Lesnar vs. Angle. We also see Brock after the show and he was just gone thanks to the concussion. Now let’s look at the botched shooting star from multiple angles in slow motion.

Piper’s Pit is back next week. And so it begins. Er, continues.

#1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

Cole points out that we could see Big Show vs. A-Train or Benoit vs. Rhyno in the second round. Tazz: “Cole we can’t get nothing past you!” A-Train knocks him to the floor to start so Benoit grabs an early Crossface. That’s reversed into a very modified camel clutch with Benoit’s legs wrapped around A-Train’s legs as A-Train is on his feet. Since that’s not enough, A-Train pulls him up by the head and slams Benoit down hard for two.

A chinlock doesn’t last long and Benoit is chopped out to the floor. Back in and A-Train talks more trash but misses a charge, setting up the rolling German suplexes to a great reaction. The Swan Dive gets two but Benoit charges into the bicycle kick. There’s the Crossface again with A-Train powering up to his feet. Benoit is ready for him though and kicks off the ropes to get the hold again, this time for the tap out.

Rating: C. I liked this better than I was expecting to with A-Train acting as a pretty decent tree for Benoit to chop down. In theory this sets up Benoit vs. Big Show for a spot in the finals and if they send Benoit on to face….I’m guessing Cena, everything should be fine. Benoit was his usual good self here and I’m glad to see him back in singles matches as the Rhyno team didn’t do much for me.

Stephanie comes in to see Vince, who is ready for Hogan tonight.

Sean O’Haire says break the rules in the weakest of these vignettes yet. Are these things ever going anywhere?

#1 Contenders Tournament First Round: John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Cena is all over him to start with some choking in the corner and a delayed suplex for two. We hit the bearhug early on as Cena is showing the power more than usual. Tazz thinks Cena could be the next big thing. Maybe I should listen to the Tazz Show more often. Eddie fights back with some clotheslines and Three Amigos for two. Cena reverses a victory roll into an electric chair but takes too long going for a chain. Instead it’s Eddie dropkicking it away and picking it up himself, only to have the referee take it away. Eddie tries a suplex to set up the frog splash but has to roll through. A charge sends him right into the Death Valley Driver to advance Cena.

Rating: C. Well if you need someone to look good, put them with Eddie. This was much more of a showcase for Cena and that’s a good sign. There’s little reason to go with anyone other than Cena to win this tournament after all the promos he’s cut on Brock but it’s very cool that he’s having to beat some bigger names to get there. Barring a surprise it’s going to be Eddie, Undertaker and Benoit, which is nothing to sneeze at whatsoever.

Hulk, his son Nick (with a freaking skateboard) and Jimmy Hart arrive. Nick: “Where’s catering?” He was annoying even back then.

Clips of Limp Bizkit at Wrestlemania.

Here’s Torrie Wilson for her Playboy coming out party, complete with the cover dropping down over the entrance. Torrie can’t believe so many people want to see her in the magazine. Torrie teases taking her top off….and freaking SABLE makes her return to interrupt. Cole: “She’s kicking!” The announcers do their “look at *insert name here*” stuff and it’s still just as annoying as it was when Al Wilson was around.

Sable says she’s having her own coming out party because she’s back. Torrie clearly just wants to be Sable and a lot of people think there’s no room for two Divas like themselves. Sable however thinks they’ll be the best of friends and gives her a peck on the lips. Naturally the announcers act like it was the most amazing thing they’ve ever seen.

Team Angle vs. Funaki/Tajiri

Non-title. The champs jump Tajiri to start, leaving Funaki to get backdropped. Shelton offers a quick bow so the Japanese guys beat him down and bow right back in a cute bit. Haas gets knocked to the floor but Shelton uses the distraction to jump Funaki from behind. It’s off to Haas, who would rather be facing Tajiri. That earns him a nice spinwheel kick to the face for two as the champs are in more trouble than you might expect here.

Shelton tries a cheap shot from the apron so Tajiri KICKS HIM IN THE FACE for his efforts. It’s back to Shelton to jump over Charlie and land on Tajiri’s back, setting up a Boston crab. Funaki makes a save to Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow and clean house. A high crossbody gets two on Haas and there’s the Tarantula to Benjamin. It doesn’t last long though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.

Rating: B. Where in the world did this come from? This was WAY better than I was expecting with Tajiri and Funaki getting to showcase themselves for a change instead of just being jobbers. We often forget how talented some of these guys are and it’s a shame that they don’t get to show it off more often. You might get more surprises like this.

John Cena knows his chances against Undertaker are slimmer than a bus full of anorexic women. He’ll shock the world next week and leave Undertaker like a clean pool table with no balls.

The FBI comes up to Undertaker, who makes fun of their accents. They ask him to sit down for a chat and Undertaker, who have some coffee and asks if any of them are wearing a wire. Nunzio talks about whacking Nathan Jones at Wrestlemania, which was in retaliation for what Jones did to Palumbo last week. They want to bury the hatchet, which Undertaker can appreciate. However, he brings in Jones and the Italians bail. This was WAY out of the norm for Undertaker and felt really weird.

#1 Contenders Tournament: Rhyno vs. Big Show

Show smacks him down to start and steps on Rhyno’s chest. Rhyno gets tossed around some more as Show is in full on slow mode. A side slam gets two but Rhyno slips out of what looks like a powerslam. Show misses a charge into the corner so Rhyno hits a Gore in the corner, only to have to chase off A-Train. The regular Gore connects but A-Train comes in for the DQ. I’d hope Big Show thrashes him for that.

Rating: D. This was just a step above a squash until the ending, which was rather stupid and little more than a back door to save Big Show’s face. Rhyno vs. Benoit should be fun, though I’m not sure why I’d want to see Rhyno vs. A-Train. Then again, Rhyno should probably buy A-Train a steak for the free pass to the next round.

A-Train holds Rhyno for a legdrop from Show, who doesn’t seem to mind what A-Train did.

Here are the updated brackets:

Undertaker

John Cena

Chris Benoit

Rhyno

Here’s Vince for the big closing segment, which has a ton of time. Yeah he lost on Sunday and maybe he misjudged Hogan. Tonight though, Vince would like Hogan out here for a talk. Cue Hogan (thankfully minus the pest with the skateboard) so Vince can say Hulk has no idea how to deal with this kind of defeat. He’d like to turn the clock back twenty years if he could (meaning before Hogan had come back from the company) and maybe one day they could be friends again. Vince offers a handshake which Hulk doesn’t go for.

The boss heads to leave but Hulk asks if he’s serious and extends his hand. They shake hands and Vince leaves but Hulk says stop the music. He thanks Vince, who goes to leave again. Now it’s Vince saying thank you for all the memories. That’s all people are going to have though as Hogan is in the ring for the last time. Hogan may have pinned him at Wrestlemania but now he’s going to sit on the shelf for the duration of his new contract.

That way Hulkamania will rot and finally die a slow, agonizing death of leprosy. If Hulk has something to say about that, Vince will be waiting in the parking lot. Hulk goes to the back where Vince is waiting next to a limo. It’s Hulk’s limo though with Jimmy and Nick inside. Vince hides behind cops and tells Hulk to get inside, where Nick is begging him to just come on. Hogan gets in and leaves with Vince angrily gloating to end the show. This would be another example of building up a big match with a big stipulation, doing the match, and then ignoring the stipulation. Such is life in WWE and such is a reason why this story sucked.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was rolling and then the crazy long main event segment killed it. It was the better part of twenty minutes while none of the matches even broke seven, which makes for a fast paced start to the show and then a major grinding halt. I liked the tournament stuff and the faster pace with some good action, though next week is going to be a much better indicator of what the future is going to hold for Smackdown.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 16, 2003
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re at the go home show for the Royal Rumble and you wouldn’t really know based on the TV they’ve been building towards it. The Rumble itself has taken a huge backseat to almost everything else, including tonight when a good chunk of the focus is likely to be focused on Al Wilson’s death. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Dawn and Al’s honeymoon with Al dying from exhaustion. Three days before the Rumble and this is what starts the show.

Dawn, in a rather low cut top, is all sad about Al dying. As I’ve said this whole time, what exactly was her plan here? She really just married him to annoy Torrie? That’s getting to Vince levels to ruin Austin.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. John Cena/B2

Los Guerreros are defending and they’re both in the Rumble too. Both promise they’ll win to make Grandma happy. Cena raps about sending Los Guerreros back to their jobs at Home Depot or selling oranges at off ramps. Oh and he used to love Lucy and hate Ricky Ricardo. Eddie and Cena start things off with Eddie spinning all over the place to send Cena down, followed by a basement dropkick from Chavo. The slingshot hilo hits Cena as well as the champs are in full control to start.

Buchanan comes in and eats a belly to back suplex, followed by Eddie kicking at his legs. Cena offers a low bridge though and the champs are finally in trouble. A Falcon Arrow gets two on Eddie and Cena grabs a front facelock until Chavo slaps Eddie’s boot for the tag. That’s fine with Cena who facelocks Chavo as well. A dropkick gets Chavo out of trouble and everything breaks down. Chavo dives onto Buchanan and Eddie does the same to Cena. Back in and Chavo dropkicks Buchanan again, setting up a frog splash to retain.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere and I’m kind of glad they just got rid of Cena and Buchanan as challengers in a hurry. Eddie and Chavo have slid right into the face roles without even blinking an eye because they’re talented enough to pull something like that off.

Post match Cena yells at Buchanan until someone (who Cena fist bumped before the match) comes out of the crowd and helps Cena beat him down, including wrecking Buchanan’s shoulder.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle, which includes the introduction of Team Angle and a series of beatdowns at Benoit’s expense.

Benoit talks about how important the title match is and promises to get to Angle tonight. He’s heard about ruthless aggression but he’d prefer toothless aggression.

Here’s Stephanie McMahon for a chat. It turns out that the Royal Rumble is THIS SUNDAY but more importantly, tonight it’s A-Train/Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar/???. This absolutely didn’t need to be its own segment nor in front of the crowd.

Nathan Jones video.

Bill DeMott vs. Rikishi

Before the match, Rikishi talks about wanting to win the Rumble while DeMott is tired of hearing about being told to pick on someone their own size. Rikishi punches him down to start and a few slams drop him again. We hit the armbar until DeMott hits him in the ample gut to take over. That means an armbar on Rikishi for a change, followed by the shoulder going into the post. Unfortunately Bill didn’t do anything to the leg so Rikishi superkicks him down for two. The Rump Shaker is loaded up but DeMott powerbombs him down for the pin.

Rating: D-. Well that happened. I have no idea why they think DeMott is interesting but having him pin Rikishi clean doesn’t make him any more interesting. He’s still the same wrestler he’s always been and having him win matches like this doesn’t change a thing. Rikishi is still there and there’s no reason to think anything of him either. Why in the world is this push still a thing?

Kidman imitates Shannon Moore (Horribly, though since Shannon almost never talks how can you tell?) until Matt Hardy and the real Shannon come up. Matt defends Shannon and punches Funaki as a bonus, triggering a brawl.

Tajiri vs. Nunzio

After saying (in Japanese) that he’ll win the Rumble, Tajiri fires off the kicks but gets snapmared down for two. Nunzio spins into a Fujiwara armbar but Tajiri gets his foot in the ropes without too much effort. Tajiri kicks at the legs but something like an Unprettier brings him right back down. It’s back to the arm with a cross armbreaker and a whip into the corner but Tajiri comes right back with the Tarantula. Nidia takes the mist to the face but a springboard tornado flying armbar gives Nunzio the pin.

Rating: C+. Fun match here but, again, the Cruiserweight Title is nowhere near this spot on the card because the champion has other people to feud with and can’t be asked to defend his title. That’s not on Kidman but again shows how worthless that title really is. Putting either of them over Kidman doesn’t matter at this point as the title isn’t going to mean anything no matter what they do at this point.

Long recap of the Raw Tenth Anniversary show.

Cena introduces his new buddy as Red Dogg and implies the eating of your Scooby Snacks.

Undertaker is back on Sunday.

It’s off to the funeral home where Dawn is all emotional and cries. She opens the casket so the announcers can do another “Look at Al!” “Look at Dawn!” bit. This goes on for WAY too long with Dawn being sad and talking about how she’s going to carry on Al’s name.

Stephanie is on the phone with Shane when Brock comes in to say that he doesn’t need a partner. She says she needs to protect her investment, which is why Lesnar needs a partner. If Stephanie wanted to protect her investment before the Rumble, why is this match happening? I’m going out on a limb and say that Stephanie isn’t as smart as she thinks she is.

Brock Lesnar/??? vs. Big Show/A-Train

Before the match, Heyman goes on a rant about how Lesnar has no chance because he won’t beat Big Show in the first place. If he somehow does though, he’ll have to deal with Team Angle and A-Train. Cue Lesnar with partner…..Rey Mysterio. Rey charges right in and kicks A-Train into the F5. Show gets clotheslined to the floor and it’s the 619 and a springboard splash to put A-Train away in less than 35 seconds. So to clarify, the pecking order of non-Big Show giants goes Bill DeMott, Rikishi and then A-Train. Yet A-Train is consistently dealing with the main eventers because WWE.

Back to the funeral home when Torrie (also in an outfit that shouldn’t be at a place like this) comes in to stare Dawn down.

Matt Hardy vs. Funaki

This is the result of Funaki calling out Matt, who was in the academically gifted class in elementary school, for the earlier attack. Kidman and Shannon are here as the seconds. Funaki goes right after him to start and hammers away on the mat. A Side Effect gives Matt two and it’s Shannon choking on the ropes.

Matt chokes a bit as well, followed by the Ricochet for two. Back up and Matt misses a charge so Funaki grabs a bulldog for two. Funaki sends him hard into the corner but the seconds get in a fight on the apron so there’s no one to see Matt being covered. Matt sends Funaki into Shannon and it’s a Twist of Fate for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and at least the champ didn’t take another fall. Matt getting a win is a good idea and hopefully it actually leads somewhere for him. By somewhere, I mean something other than just getting squashed by Lesnar or Rikishi, because there’s no one else to do jobs like that for some reason.

Shannon: “WE DID IT!” Matt: “NO! I DID IT!” And he throws in a slap to Shannon’s jaw.

We go back to the funeral home (GET ON WITH IT ALREADY) where Dawn blames Torrie for Al’s death. She didn’t love him enough or something and that broke his heart. They get in a slap fight and Dawn shattered a lamp over Torrie’s back. The worst part is this could have been even worse.

According to a recent interview with the writer of this whole mess, the original ending was going to see Al sit up in the casket, berate Torrie for being the worst daughter ever, then walk outside and get hit by a bus to kill him once and for all. Even with that ending, I’d love to know what the real point to this was, because even I can’t believe that it was really just for the sake of what’s probably a four minute match at Royal Rumble.

Back from a break and HERE’S A REPLAY OF THE FIGHT BECAUSE THIS HASN’T EATEN UP ENOUGH TIME IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS!

Nathan Jones video.

Royal Rumble rundown. The graphics showing the thirty Rumble entrants make me sadder than anything not associated with the Wilsons. It really does look that bad.

Kurt Angle/Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Edge

Kurt is still on a crutch. Joined in progress with Benoit suplexing Charlie and asking Kurt to come in. He has to settle for chopping Haas some more and then throwing him down with another suplex. Shelton finally gets smart by drawing Benoit in though and Angle’s low blow turns things around.

Charlie starts in on the arm while cranking on Benoit’s neck but a third suplex gets Benoit out of trouble again. The hot tag brings in Edge to clean house with his series of clotheslines but Shelton gets in a cheap shot from the apron. Kurt actually comes in to stomp away until he gets caught in the half nelson faceplant (which he over rotates, making it a half nelson backplant).

Benoit comes in and gets taken down for some right hands to the head. The ankle lock is broken up in a hurry so it’s back to Shelton. Edge comes in with a top rope clothesline for two but Angle sends him outside in a heap. The heels take over again with Shelton jumping over Charlie to crash down onto Edge’s back. Charlie gets two off a bulldog and Shelton grabs a chinlock. The Edge-o-Matic gets Edge out of trouble but Charlie breaks up a hot tag attempt. Angle gets in a few suplexes to keep Edge in trouble and the slow (not a bad thing) offense continues.

Now it’s time to roll the German suplexes but Angle takes too much time, allowing Edge to snap off a belly to belly of his own. Shelton breaks up the hot tag AGAIN, only to get kicked away for the tag to Benoit. Everything breaks down and that means a lot more suplexes. Angle tries to bring in the title but gets Crossfaced. Shelton makes a save but Benoit puts Kurt right back in…..for a DQ because Angle isn’t legal. That’s a bit confusing, especially when Benoit’s music doesn’t play at the bell.

Rating: B. I really liked the slow paced offense from the heels and the buffet of suplexes didn’t hurt either. This was a lot of fun with all five looking good. It’s also a smart move to have Angle get in the ring before Sunday to knock off any potential ring rust. Very entertaining match here, which is something this show needed in spades.

Angle taps as Edge dives onto Haas and Benjamin. Benoit unloads on Angle with the crutch to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event is good but it’s way too late to save this show. The funeral home stuff is more bizarrely terrible than anything else and you really wouldn’t know the Rumble was coming on Sunday without a few random ads for it. Other than Undertaker and whoever wins Lesnar vs. Big Show, almost no one on Smackdown looks to be any kind of a threat to win the thing. The focus is on everything else (basically the same on Raw) and that makes for a really weird set of shows leading up to the pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 9, 2003
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer to the Royal Rumble and tonight we’ll be finding out the fifteen Smackdown names in the match. Other than that though, we’re still building to Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle for Angle’s Smackdown World Title. It’s hard to say how they’ll build to that but given the show we’re on, I have a feeling tag matches are in store. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at Paul Heyman challenging Brock Lesnar for a Royal Rumble match against Big Show. This resulted in Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore being massacred.

Opening sequence.

Big Show vs. Rikishi

Show towers over Rikishi, which Cole seems to think is impressive. I don’t remember anyone ever accusing Rikishi of being overly tall so as usual, Cole seems to be babbling about nothing important. Rikishi actually knocks Show down to his knee but makes the mistake of trying a slam. A big boot gives Show two and we hit a very long abdominal stretch until Show gets caught holding the ropes. Show hits a clothesline and the chokeslam is good for the pin.

Rating: D. They actually did something right with the booking here as while they did spend weeks having Rikishi go over John Cena and Bull Buchanan, Cena did get the pin last week and now Show gets to pin him. I’m not sure I would have had Rikishi beat Cena and Buchanan down after every match but he’s losing when he needs to be losing, which is what matters most.

Heyman promises to teach Lesnar a lesson by the end of the night.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Cena raps about how he doesn’t like Chavo for various Mexican stereotypes, including getting mild sauce at Taco Bell and illegal immigration. That would warrant an official public apology today. Or given how Vince likes Trump, a major push. Chavo grabs a headscissors to start and Cena gets knocked out to the floor in a heap.

Back in and a belly to back suplex makes things even worse so Cena blasts him with the hard clothesline. Buchanan gets in a shot to the head so Eddie goes after him and fights off Cena for good measure. That means a dive from Chavo onto both guys and here are the referees to eject Eddie. Back in and Cena heads up top, only to get superplexed for two. Chavo tries a sunset flip but Cena drops down and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was ALL about Chavo here as Cena was only doing a few spots here and there in between all the shenanigans on the floor. At the end of the day though, Cena won the match and that’s where the future seems to be going. That being said, Los Guerreros have been turned face (at least in this match) and there was a lot more steam in their heel run. At least it was great while it lasted.

We recap last week’s wedding with Al Wilson missing most of his clothes.

And now, to the honeymoon suite with Dawn in lingerie, saying she’s exhausted. Al is an animal you see.

Raw Retro: Austin and the beer truck.

Matt Hardy vs. Billy Kidman

Matt, who has a heated toilet seat and likes pulp in his orange juice, isn’t getting a title shot because he’s over the cruiserweight limit. Well that and Kidman NEVER DEFENDS THE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE. A headscissors and dropkick have Matt in trouble to start and suggests that Kidman was watching the previous match. Matt bends his neck across the rope and Shannon’s interference lets the Ricochet (suplex into a side slam) get two.

We hit a sleeper exchange until Kidman grabs a Bodog for a breather. Matt is sent outside next to Shannon so Kidman hits a shooting star onto both of them with his head slamming into Shannon’s. Back in and Matt grabs a Side Effect for two but the middle rope legdrop misses. Matt gets rammed into the little MF’er and Kidman’s rollup is good for the pin.

Rating: C+. That shooting star to the floor looked great and it’s nice to see Kidman getting a win. The cruiserweight division is such a disaster at this point that there’s no much that can be done for it without bringing in some fresh talent. Would it really hurt them to try having Shannon in there? Have him win the title and see Matt freak out because Moore has a title and he doesn’t?

Post match Matt says that was an accident and asks for a round of applause for Shannon.

Lesnar is here.

Edge was in Seattle to get ready for the start of Wrestlemania ticket sales.

Torrie Wilson calls last week’s wedding disgusting and tasteless. Dawn vs. Torrie is confirmed for the first ever Stepmother vs. Stepdaughter match. Josh describes this as a Cinderella story. Torrie says that if there was a glass slipper……”Well, where I plan to put it, it won’t fit!”. I would pay so much to see the pitches about keeping this story going. Other than Vince laughing at it, how could it possibly continue?

Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble

Thankfully it’s not a headscissors into a dropkick this time as Jamie forearms him in the back instead. The Tarantula is broken up and Noble drops him onto the barricade instead. Back in and Noble starts in on the arm instead of Tajiri’s bad ankle. Tajiri fights out of a top wristlock and kicks at the ribs before rolling Noble all the way around into a sunset flip for two.

A great looking German suplex gives Tajiri two and the handspring elbow is good for the same. Jamie is right back up with the Trailer Hitch (a complicated leglock that looked great) but a rope is quickly grabbed. The leg is fine enough for the Tarantula, followed by a superkick to knock Noble out of the air. The Buzzsaw Kick puts Noble away.

Rating: B. They were WORKING here and continue to show why they should both be near the Cruiserweight Title instead of having a meaningless (yet awesome) match here. That’s quite the five minute performance and Tajiri’s kicks look as good as ever. Noble had something with that Trailer Hitch but he almost never used it. Either of these two against Kidman would be fine.

Angle fires up his team.

Nathan Jones is coming soon. He’d be leaving just as fast, though the video made him look interesting.

Charlie Haas vs. Edge

I like the fact that they’re having Haas and Benjamin wrestle singles matches instead of just teaming together. Making them feel like threats on their own can make them all the better as a team. The bell rings and here’s Chris Benoit to cancel out Angle and Benjamin. Charlie takes him down to start and easily throws Edge off for trying a hold of his own. A drop toehold into an armbar works a bit better for Edge and the half nelson facebuster is good for two.

Back up and Haas grabs a belly to belly for two before grabbing a double arm crank. A German suplex gives Charlie two more as Angle is playing a great cheerleader on the floor. Unfortunately he’s too busy cheering to tell Charlie about Edge grabbing a belly to belly of his own to put both guys down.

The Edge-o-Matic is good for two and the flapjack makes things even worse. Benoit goes after Angle for some reason so Shelton superkicks him down. The spear drops Charlie but Angle makes the save at two. Kurt isn’t done as he hits Edge in the back with a crutch, setting up an exploder suplex (without much explosion) to give Haas the pin.

Rating: C+. Even if Haas doesn’t get another win for a good while, now he’s got this one which is all he needs to do to get over in the early going. Haas and Benjamin are going to be fine when they start doing regular tag matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. It helps that Charlie has been in developmental for so long because he’s already solid in the ring. Imagine that: developmental getting you ready for the main roster.

Benoit grabs the mic and says time is running out on Angle because he’s tapping at the Royal Rumble. Since Kurt is still injured, send Benjamin down here RIGHT NOW.

Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin

Everyone else has been sent to the back. This was scheduled for later but the challenge was still good. They hit the mat to start and Benoit grabs an armdrag, which seems to fluster Benjamin. A very early Crossface attempt sends Benjamin to the ropes and it’s back to another standoff. They head outside with Shelton sending him back first into the barricade for two.

We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit, followed a northern lights suplex for two more. The comeback starts in a hurry with a clothesline into the rolling German suplexes to knock Shelton silly. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface but here’s Angle with the other crutch for the DQ.

Rating: C. That’s the best option they had here as you don’t want the #1 contender losing but you also don’t want Shelton to lose his singles debut. It’s almost like they’ve started thinking this booking through instead of having everyone pin everyone until it doesn’t matter anymore.

Angle gets Crossfaced until the Haas and Edge come out. The bad guys clean house and Benoit gets his ankle locked.

So we’ve just had two good, mat based technical matches that helped set up a major World Title match. Now here are Dawn and Al in the shower with Al looking exhausted.

Shannon Moore vs. Bill DeMott

Matt sits in on commentary and says this was all Shannon’s idea. A hard headlock into a front facelock keeps Shannon down as Matt tells Cole about the virtues of Mattitude. Shannon fights back with a middle rope leg lariat but gets clotheslined out of the air. DeMott hits a gutwrench powerbomb for the pin because he can’t pick a finisher already.

Matt yells at Shannon for the loss and beats him up.

Undertaker video, this time set to the Ministry theme.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Bull Buchanan

Los Guerreros jump Cena before more racial insensitivity can break out. Eddie hammers on Bull to start and the fans eat up his chest slap. Bull eventually clotheslines him down and stomps away in the corner as an EDDIE chant starts up. Oh yeah they’re full on faces. Something like a belly to back suplex drop sets up Buchanan’s top rope clothesline, which he seems to leave VERY short and is only saved by a timely camera cut.

A Chavo distraction lets Eddie chop away until a backdrop cuts him off again. Cena tries to interfere as well but Chavo hits him in the face with a title, leaving Eddie to show Bull how to properly do a belly to back suplex. The frog splash is good enough to put Buchanan away, drawing quite the positive reaction in the process.

Rating: C-. Buchanan’s near botches aside, this was a perfectly watchable match. The problem here is Buchanan really could be almost any given muscular big man and that’s going to catch up with him in a hurry. Eddie is more than capable of carrying almost anyone to a fine match and that’s what he did here, but Bull isn’t going to be in there with Guerrero all the time.

Dawn, in new lingerie, crawls over to Al and asks if he wants to play some more. Unfortunately, Al isn’t exactly responsive.

We run down the pay per view card without the promised fifteen names for the Rumble itself.

A-Train tells Big Show and Heyman to leave Lesnar alone tonight because he wants to solidify his reputation at Brock’s expense. This is a good example of why A-Train isn’t allowed to talk.

Another Nathan Jones video.

A-Train vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock shoves him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, only to have the chokebomb take him down without much effort. A good looking powerslam drops A-Train again though and it’s time for the first overhead belly to belly. We’ll make it three in a row until a headbutt cuts Brock off. Not that it matters as the F5 is enough to wrap A-Train up without much effort.

Rating: D+. They kept this very, very short here and that’s the right call. A-Train got in his big power moves and then ate the suplexes and F5 for the pin. There’s no need to do anything other than that and they had Lesnar look good by beating up a monster. Again, the smart booking here has carried the night and that’s a good thing.

Lesnar calls out Heyman and Big Show for his lesson. We see them heading to the ring but SURPRISE! The lesson is Brock can’t beat Big Show so they’re leaving.

Oh and Al, again in his briefs, is dead to end the show. You don’t see a character actually killed off in WWE but that’s about all this story deserves.

Overall Rating: B. Now that’s how you do a Smackdown. They kept things moving here and that made the show fly by. The Al Wilson stuff is stupid but it’s kind of hard to complain with Dawn there like she was. They advanced a bunch of stories here and, without actually announcing more than a few names for the Rumble, they’ve helped set up their side of the pay per view. The booking was good, the action was solid and the pacing was quick. What else can you ask for from a show?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6