Summerslam 1989
Date: August 28, 1989
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

We’re back with another edition of the show with another tag team main event. This time it’s the now heel Savage teaming with an actor named Zeus to face Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. This isn’t even the blowoff match between the teams which makes the match even more of an odd choice. The other major match tonight is Rick Rude defending the Intercontinental Title against Ultimate Warrior, the man he stole the title from back at Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Jesse blames Tony for having Heenan run off the air. I have no idea what he’s talking about as Heenan is on the show later tonight.

We get an intro video similar to the opening of a regular TV show with various highlights and people enjoying the warm weather.

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard) won the tag titles a few weeks before this show, but since the match was already signed this is non-title. Why it wasn’t changed to a title match is beyond me but there’s no way this won’t be awesome. Heenan is with the Brain Busters here, making what Jesse said even more confusing. Bret and Tully get things going with Hart going straight for the arm. Arn comes in to take Bret to the mat with a headlock, only to have Bret crank on his arm as well.

A hammerlock slam puts Arn in a cute bit before it’s off to Neidhart for some powerful cranking on the arm. The Harts change two more times and both guys get to crank on the arm before Bret puts on an armbar. Arn slips out and brings in Tully who has his own arm pulled on by Anvil. Blanchard pulls on the beard to escape but can’t hiptoss the big man over. Back to Bret for more arm work before Anvil sneaks in without a tag. It’s only cheating if you get caught remember.

Anvil completely no sells some chops to the chest and sends Tully into the buckle before bringing Bret back in. The fans are all over Heenan with a Weasel chant while Bret works on a hammerlock. Tully grabs a top wristlock but Bret bridges off the mat to escape and the Busters are sent to the outside. Back in and Bret wins a slugout with Tully but gets suckered into a chase with Blanchard making a blind tag to Arn who blasts Bret from behind.

Everything breaks down again with the Brain Busters being knocked out to the floor once again. Back in and Bret sends Tully’s face into Anvil’s boot before bringing Neidhart again. Things break down again but Bret accidentally whips Jim into the buckle to give the Busters control. Arn drives a middle rope elbow into Neidhart’s back before it’s back to Tully for a reverse chinlock. Neidhart picks him up but Tully makes another blind tag off to Anderson to block a tag.

Arn punches him down but Anvil LAUNCHES Anderson off at two. Back up and both guys collide before Bret gets in a knee to Arn’s back to give Neidhart a breather. The hot tag brings in Hart vs. Blanchard with Bret dropping the middle rope elbow for no cover. Everything breaks down for the third or fourth time tonight with Bret being whipped into Tully to put both guys down.

Arn and Jim go to the floor but Bret slingshots Jim over the top into a shoulder block to Tully. Anvil powerslams Bret onto Blanchard but Anderson hits an ax handle to Bret’s head for the pin (while covering his head so the referee doesn’t see it’s Arn in the ring because Arn Anderson is more awesome than you).

Rating: B. I could watch Arn Anderson matches all day because of stuff like that at the end. I mean, who would think of such a little thing like that at the end of a match? This was a very solid opener but again I have no idea why the titles weren’t on the line here, especially if the Busters were going to go over by pin. The Harts wouldn’t even be a factor in the title scene for another year and even then they were big underdogs.

Dusty Rhodes talks about how the man in the blue suede shoes told him he can dance better than the Honky Tonk Man. This is a bit of a step down from Hard Times.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Dusty recently stole the Boss Man’s hat and nightstick after debuting early in the summer. We start with a dance off before Dusty takes him into the corner for a clean break. Honky bails to the floor to avoid the Bionic Elbow but comes back in for Dusty to grab his arm. Instead of driving an elbow into the shoulder though, Dusty messes with Honky’s hair to really get on his nerves. An atomic drop and the Bionic Elbow put Honky down with Dusty in full control.

Ten right hands in the corner drop Honky to the mat and it’s off to Dusty’s totally lame leg lock (meaning he stands there and turns Honky’s foot) fills in some time. Honky fires off some right hands but drops down to avoid a running Dusty. Jimmy Hart trips Dusty up and Honky just lays on the mat instead of going after Rhodes as Jimmy is stalked. Honky gets Jimmy’s megaphone for a shot to Dusty’s ribs and finally takes over with a chinlock.

It’s the long form version as we’re still in the hold about two minutes later. Dusty fights up and misses an elbow so it’s back to the chinlock. Rhodes fights up again and pounds away with right hands but Honky sends him into the referee to make this match go even further. Jimmy accidentally knocks Honky silly with the guitar and Dusty drops a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. Who in the world thought this deserved ten minutes should be carried into the street and shot. Between the leg lock and the WAY too long chinlock, this could have been cut in half and nothing would have been lost. Honky was fine as a jobber to the stars at this point and he would maintain that position for months to come. This was way overbooked for what it was worth, but the fans loved Dusty which is the point of the match.

Honky asks someone to help him find the stage and wants to know where Priscilla is.

Demolition and King Hacksaw Jim Duggan are ready for their six man tag against the Twin Towers (Boss Man/Akeem) and Andre the Giant.

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Perfect is still perfect at this point. They shove each other around to start until Hperfect shoves him down and hits a hiptoss. Things speed up a bit with both guys running the ropes and Perfect trying a slam. Rooster slips down the back and tries a slam of his own but can’t get Perfect up in a weird spot. Perfect sends him to the floor for a second and pounds away back inside, only to be shoved to the floor by Rooster. Perfect wins a quick slugout on the floor before going inside for the PerfectPlex and a very fast pin.

Rating: D. This was very odd with the match finishing out of nowhere after no build at all. The match had to be cut for time or maybe an injury because there’s no way this was the match they were planning. Or maybe they didn’t have time because we needed Dusty to have an even longer chinlock. These two are capable of having a far better match though and did many times.

Survivor Series is coming.

We go to Gene with Rude and Heenan in the back but the set falls down and the interview never stars. They try it again and the heels say they’ll do whatever it takes to keep the title.

The Rockers/Tito Santana vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers/Rick Martel

This should be awesome. Martel teases getting in there against Tito to start but sends Jacques in instead. As is his custom, Jacques requests a handshake but sneaks in some choking on Tito instead. The Rockers come in without tags and the good guys hit stereo dropkicks to send the French Canadians to the floor. Things settle down to Marty vs. Jacques with the latter going to the middle rope and head faking Marty, but Jannetty is faking the head fake and punches Jacques on the way down.

The advantage is short lived though as Ray Rougeau gets in a knee to the back from the apron and a kind of superkick to put Marty down. Off to Martel for right hands and some dancing followed by a cartwheel out of the corner. Marty is tired of the dancing and dropkicks Martel down but Rick runs away from the charging Tito. Instead it’s Santana putting a headlock on Ray before getting two off a clothesline.

Much like his brother did earlier, Jacques interferes for Ray and the Rougeaus take over on Santana with a double back elbow. Martel comes in to pound on the weakened Tito like a true weasel. Rick stomps away against the ropes as the fans are getting angrier and angrier at the Model. Jacques comes in again and hooks a front facelock to block the hot tag. Back to Martel but Tito fires off right hands to send the crowd into a frenzy. Jacques quickly pulls Tito’s hair to break it up but Tito gets a sunset flip for two.

Rick puts Tito down with a backbreaker and Ray hooks a Boston crab to stay on the weakened back. Back to Jacques for an abdominal stretch with a helping hand from Martel on the apron. Rick comes in again to break up another hot tag attempt and Ray stops Tito’s comeback just like Jacques did earlier. Tito hits a quick cross body for two and the Rockers finally come in to break up the interference. Ray comes in to keep Tito down but Jacques’ flying knee hits his brother, FINALLY allowing Tito to make the hot tag to Shawn.

Martel tries to hide in the corner but gets caught in a huge backdrop to send him running even further. A dropkick and a suplex put Martel down and the top rope right hand gets two as everything breaks down. Tito hits the flying forearm to send Martel to the floor and Marty rolls up Jacques, only to have Martel slide back in and blast Jannetty with a right hand, giving Jacques the pin.

Rating: B. Take six guys and two feuds, give them fifteen minutes in front of a hot crowd and witness the awesome. That’s exactly what happened here and the crowd got WAY into it, especially the Martel vs. Santana stuff. Those two just started feuding a few months before this and people were drooling to see Tito get his revenge. Really solid old school six man tag here which worked exceptionally well.

We recap Rude vs. Warrior. Rude attacked Warrior during a posedown at the Rumble before stealing the IC Title at Wrestlemania with help from Heenan. Tonight is the rematch with rude defending against a ticked off Warrior after Warrior spent months fighting through the Heenan Family. This was also used to set up Warrior vs. Andre the Giant over the winter.

Warrior rants about Andre before saying he’ll get his title back from Rude.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Rude isn’t sure what to do with Warrior to start so he tries punching him in the face to no avail. A clothesline puts Rude on the apron and a sunset flip is easily blocked with a right hand to the champion’s face. Warrior easily picks him up and gorilla presses him to the floor as this is one sided so far. Rude is sent into the barricade as Jesse is losing his mind over the referee not disqualifying Warrior.

Warrior gets two off a top rope ax handle before throwing him into the corner and pounding away. A shoulder block gets two on Rude and there’s an atomic drop to crush Rude’s spine a bit more. Warrior swivels his hips but gets crotched on the top rope to Jesse’s glee. Rude pounds on the back as he did in the Wrestlemania match and gets two off a suplex. Off to a reverse chinlock with Rude dropping down onto Warrior’s back for good measure. Back up and Warrior breaks up the Rude Awakening but gets caught in a sleeper.

Warrior finally fights out with a jawbreaker but after they run the ropes a bit, Rude sends Warrior into the referee to put everyone down. It’s Rude on his feet first but Warrior starts to Hulk Up to a HUGE reaction. A big backdrop and a clothesline put Rude down followed by a powerslam but there’s no referee. Warrior hits a piledriver but the referee crawls over for two. A powerslam sets up the splash but Rude gets his knees up to slow Warrior down again.

Rude hits a kind of powerbomb (basically driving Warrior’s head into the mat) for a close two as things slow down again. Rude hits a top rope right hand to the jaw as Roddy Piper strolls down. A piledriver puts Warrior down but Piper flashes Rude, allowing Warrior to suplex him out of the corner. Warrior hits a quick shoulder block followed by the gorilla press and splash for the title and an ERUPTION from the crowd.

Rating: B. If there has ever been better chemistry between a talented guy and a guy who could barely survive against anyone else, I’m not sure where it is. Warrior looked great out there and got the win back to conclude a very well done feud. Good stuff here as this show is cooking after a somewhat weak start. That pop for Warrior pretty much gave him the world title right then and there.

Mr. Perfect says he’s perfect.

Roddy Piper laughs about costing Rude the title, setting up his first feud after returning to the ring.

Ronnie Garvin is in a tuxedo and gets to be a guest announcer tonight. Heenan comes in to interrupt him and rants about Piper coming to the ring and costing Rude the title. Rude isn’t pleased either and yells as you would expect him to.

We go to an intermission, which is just a graphic with a countdown clock until the show continues.

We recap the main event tag match. Hogan was in a movie with Tiny Lister portraying the villain. The idea of the story is that Lister’s character Zeus felt that he could beat Hogan in Hogan’s real life job so he beat up Hogan before a cage match. This would be like Harrison Ford picking a fight with Mark Hamill because of what Hamill did on the Millennium Falcon. I don’t know if we were supposed to take it seriously or not, but the main problem here is obvious: Zeus is an actor instead of a wrestler, meaning there isn’t much he can do in the ring.

Savage and Beefcake got involved to make it a tag match so Zeus didn’t fight alone. Hogan couldn’t hurt Zeus with a chair to the back but raking the eyes had an effect, giving Hogan an opening tonight. Savage was still a big deal at this point so this really was a big heel team to face Hogan and Beefcake. We get full clips of these moments as the intermission continues.

Twin Towers/Andre the Giant vs. Demolition/Jim Duggan

Duggan is King of the WWF and has his face painted like Demolition but is rocking an American flag pattern of course. Akeem starts with the King with Duggan absorbing the trash talk and pounding away on the big man before it’s off to Ax for some pounding on the arm. Smash comes in and Demolition pounds Akeem down before bringing Duggan back in to crank on the arm as well.

Akeem finally gets in a shot to Ax’s ribs and it’s off to Boss Man who is immediately pounded down by the fresh Smash. Boss Man rakes the eyes to slow Smash down but Smash rakes the eyes right back in a good bit. Ax comes in again and cranks on the arm but gets sent into the wrong corner so Andre can come in and pound away with big right hands.

Akeem comes back in but misses a slow motion splash, allowing for the hot tag back to Smash who slams Akeem down in an impressive power display. Everything breaks down and Akeem hits a bottom rope splash on Smash, but Duggan hits Akeem in the back with the 2×4 to give Smash the pin.

Rating: C. It wasn’t much of a match but for above seven and a half minutes with these six guys, this was as good as you were going to get. Duggan was about as big as he was going to get in the WWF at this point as the fans were WAY into his Hogan-Lite character. Demolition was fresh off losing the tag titles but but they were still the most popular tag team in the company. Good, fun little match here which was much better than I was expecting.

Ted DiBiase says he’ll beat Jimmy Snuka because he’s cultured and Snuka is a savage.

Greg Valentine vs. Hercules

Ronnie Garvin is guest ring announcer after being fired from being a referee. He takes a ton of shots at Valentine (“Weighing in at 249lbs…..but he looks about 30lbs heavier and wears a robe with cheap rhinestones.”) since Valentine got him suspended in the first place. Hercules jumps Valentine to start and powerslams him down for two. A quick rollup gets two for Greg before they head to the floor for nothing of note. Back in and Valentine pounds him down with some elbows but the Figure Four is broken up. Hecules suplexes him down but gets rolled up with Valentine’s feet on the ropes for the fast pin.

Rating: D. This was all about furthering Garvin vs. Valentine with the stuff before the match and a bit we’ll get to in a second. I’m no Garvin fan at all but this was an amusing angle given where you could turn your brain off and laugh at some stupid jokes for a few minutes every show. There’s nothing wrong with comic relief and having a talented guy like Valentine out there made it a bit easier to sit through.

Post match Garvin announces Hercules as the winner, which apparently is good enough to get Valentine disqualified. Like I said, this is the time to turn your brain off.

Randy Savage, Zeus and Sister Sherri gather round a cauldron and predict bad futures for Hogan, Beefcake and Liz. The late 80s were weird in case you were wondering.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

No story here as they’re just out there to fill in a few minutes before the main event. Snuka headbutts DiBiase to the floor before the bell and avoids a charging Ted to send him into Virgil for a big crash. An atomic drop sends DiBiase to the floor and the match slows down a bit. Back in and Snuka can’t get high enough for his reverse leapfrog so he sends DiBiase into the corner to keep control. Ted goes to the eyes to get a moment’s breather but gets caught by a shoulder to put him back down.

A quick stun gun sends Snuka into the top rope and Ted can stomp away like a good 80s heel. DiBiase works on the back with knees to the spine and a backbreaker for no cover but a middle rope elbow misses. Jimmy slams Ted down and hits a middle rope headbutt but Virgil breaks up the Superfly Splash. Snuka chases him around on the floor but gets sent into the post by DiBiase for the countout.

Rating: D. Another lame match here and I’m not sure why DiBiase couldn’t get a pin. Either way, the match was there to give the fans a breather from that EPIC Hercules vs. Valentine heat before the main event. Snuka was still a fan favorite so having him out there wasn’t the worst idea in the world.

Post match Snuka hits the Superfly on Virgil.

Hogan and Beefcake talk about riding motorcycles across a river (just go with it) with Liz riding on the back of Hogan’s bike. Savage and Zeus weren’t mentioned at all.

Genius recites a poem about Summerslam, saying he thinks Zeus and Savage (his real brother) will win.

Zeus/Randy Savage vs. Brutus Beefcake/Hulk Hogan

Before we get going, Liz gets her own full entrance as the secret weapon. It’s a brawl to start but Hogan can’t hurt Zeus. He goes to the eyes but can’t slam Zeus down so the monster chokes Hulk down. Beefcake tries to dive on Zeus but gets caught in midair. Now it’s a bearhug on Hogan but here’s Savage off a tag. Why in the world would you change when you had Hogan in trouble like that? A top rope ax handle gets two for Randy and it’s off to the sleeper.

Hogan elbows out of it and hits some shoulder blocks but Zeus knees him in the back to slow him down. Back to Zeus for another bearhug which takes Hogan down to the mat for some two counts. It’s back to Savage to snap Hogan’s throat over the top rope and a suplex gets two. Savage misses some elbow drops and there’s the hot tag to Beefcake. A high knee gets two on Savage and Beefcake hooks his sleeper. Savage rams him into the middle buckle and it’s off to Zeus, but Brutus puts him in a sleeper as well.

Randy breaks up the hold with Sherri’s loaded purse but he suckers Hogan into the ring instead of covering. Hogan stops Savage from attacking Liz but Beefcake is still in big trouble. Back to Zeus for some choking on Beefcake until the referee makes the save. Savage comes back in but walks into a double clothesline to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house but Sherri trips Hulk up to give Savage control again.

The big elbow hits but Hogan is up before there’s any cover. Savage runs away and it’s time for the showdown with Zeus. Hogan pounds away and finally puts Zeus down to one knee. Liz takes out Sherri and Beefcake intercepts Savage, causing him to drop the loaded purse. Hogan blasts Zeus in the face with the purse, slams him down and drops the leg for the pin.

Rating: D+. Amazingly enough, a non-wrestler like Zeus wasn’t capable of having a good match on any size of a stage. Beefcake and Savage were just window dressing here, but in this case the window dressing carried the match for his team. Zeus was just horrible here and was basically the original promotional stunt for a wrestling movie, which never works.

Post match Liz cuts Sherri’s hair. Much posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s a lot of bad stuff here but the good matches are more than good enough to make up for the lame short ones. The crowd is VERY hot all night to lift the show even higher up which helped a lot. The main event was horrible and while the cage match that blew it off a few months later was better, this is the match that should have been the big deal. Still though, the show is worth checking out but you should fast forward a few of the matches.

Ratings Comparison

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

Original: B+

Redo: B

Honky Tonk Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Original: F

Redo: D-

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Original: C+

Redo: D

Rick Martel/Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Tito Santana/Rockers

Original: B+

Redo: B

Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Original: A-

Redo: B

Jim Duggan/Demolition vs. Andre the Giant/Twin Towers

Original: C+

Redo: C

Hercules vs. Greg Valentine

Original: F-

Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Randy Savage/Zeus

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/23/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1989-gather-round-the-cauldron/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Summerslam 1988
Date: August 29, 1988
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Billy Graham

The main event here is Hogan/Savage vs. DiBiase/Andre in a match billed as Mega Powers vs. Mega Bucks. Allegedly the plan was to have Ric Flair jump from the NWA and challenge Savage for the title but Flair backed out, giving us the tag match instead. Other than that we have Honky Tonk Man defending his title against a mystery opponent and the Hart Foundation challenging Demolition for the tag titles. The card wasn’t exactly stacked for this show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has what would become the Royal Rumble theme song set over shots of the four guys in the main event plus their managers, Virgil and Miss Elizabeth.

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. British Bulldogs

These two teams could not stand each other behind the scenes, eventually reaching the point where the Bulldogs left the company as a result. Davey jumps Jacques to start and rams him into turnbuckle after turnbuckle to put him down. Smith throws Jacques over to Raymond for a tag in a nice display of bravado. Off to Dynamite for a quick headbutt and a slam to keep Raymond in trouble.

Off to an armbar by Dynamite Kid before Davey comes back in for one of his own. Dynamite comes back in with a wicked clothesline to take Raymond’s head off. Chris Benoit idolized Dynamite and you can see so many of Benoit’s moves when you watch Dynamite’s matches. Davey comes in and trades some snappy rollups before it’s back to Dynamite to continue cranking on the arm.

Davey comes in again but Jacques trips him up to shift control to the Canadians. It’s off to some leg work now as Jacques kicks away at Davey’s hamstring. The Rougeaus start tagging in and out with Ray coming in to drop some knees on the hamstring before Jacques comes back in to pull on the leg. Ray comes back in sans tag to pull on the leg before Jacques puts on a spinning toehold. Davey finally gets back up and monkey flips Ray down, allowing for the tag to Dynamite.

The Kid speeds things way up and sends Ray out to the floor, triggering a brawl between Davey and Raymond. Back inside and Davey hits the powerslam but Jacques breaks it up before a one count. Dynamite comes back in for the headbutt but Jacques drills him with a belly to back suplex for two. Off to an abdominal stretch by Jacques followed by a camel clutch from both Rougeaus. Kid fights up and rams Ray into the buckle to escape but it’s right back to the abdominal stretch by Jacques.

Dynamite finally fights up again and headbutts Jacques down to bring in Davey. Jacques immediately grabs the rope to avoid a dropkick but gets caught in a gorilla press onto the top rope. Everything breaks down and Davey picks up Dynamite to launch him into a headbutt on Jacques, but the time limit expires before there can be a cover.

Rating: C+. This was a solid opener as the fans were staying hot throughout the extended rest holds. The parts with both teams brawling and getting to move around made for a much better match, but you can’t do that for twenty minutes when you’re going for the draw. Draws were much more commonplace back in the 80s so this was nothing that odd to see.

We see Ron Bass attacking Brutus Beefcake and busting him open with a spur. The big red X saying CENSORED which doesn’t actually cover the cut on Brutus’ head is hilarious. Brutus won’t be able to challenge Honky Tonk Man for the Intercontinental Title tonight but there’s an unnamed replacement.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera

Patera is a former Olympic weightlifter who has seen far better days. Bad News is a former Olympian as well, having won a bronze medal in Judo. Brown goes right after Patera during Ken’s entrance and drops a quick elbow for no cover. Patera comes back with a clothesline and takes his jacket off to really get things going. A back elbow puts Bad News down but an elbow drop misses. Brown stomps away on the apron as we’re firmly in punch and kick mode here.

Patera blocks a backdrop with a kick to the chest and gets two off a bad backbreaker. Off to a bearhug by Patera but Brown pokes him in the eye to escape. Patera can’t get his full nelson on in either attempt at the hold so he botches a charge into the corner instead, hitting the post shoulder first. The Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) is enough for the pin by Brown.

Rating: F. Patera was terrible by this point, not even being able to run into Brown’s elbow in the corner properly. Even the announcers were suggesting that he retire at this point, which I believe he did soon after. This match was nothing more than punching and kicking which doesn’t make for a very entertaining few minutes. It’s a product of the times on house shows that, which for all intents and purposes is what this show is: a big house show with a big main event.

Ad for a boxing PPV which had some kind of promotional deal with WWF.

The Mega Powers (Hogan/Savage/Liz) are hyped up for the main event and say that Liz is their secret weapon.

Rick Rude vs. Junkyard Dog

Just like in the previous match, the good guy is jumped during his entrance. This time though Rude is backdropped down and headbutted to the floor for a hug from Heenan. Back in and Dog misses a headbutt, allowing Rude to hit Dog with a top rope axhandle. Rude pounds away on the head as Graham shouts that it won’t work. Instead it’s off to a chinlock by Rick as the match slows way down.

Back up and Dog pounds away in the corner but stops to go after Heenan. A Russian legsweep puts Dog down, and Rude goes up top. Instead of immediately diving off though, Rude takes his own tights down to reveal another pair with Cheryl Roberts (as in Jake’s wife) on them. Jake charges in for the DQ as you would expect him to do.

Rating: D. The match sucked but it’s miles ahead of the previous match. If nothing else Dog had some great charisma and kept the crowd in it, as opposed to Patera who put the crowd to sleep seconds after the bell rang. The Dog was just a jobber at this point and would be in WCW by the end of the year.

The Dog is mad post match but nothing comes of it.

Honky Tonk Man, like the dolt that he is, doesn’t want to know the identity of his mystery opponent. He says he wants to be surprised.

Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks

The Powers (Barbarian and Warlord) are still faces here and have the Baron (Von Raschke) with them. Just like in the previous two matches the brawl is on as soon as the good guys hit the ring. The Powers double clothesline Boris Zhukov as Volkoff tries to sneak in for a cheap shot. Barbarian easily catches him coming in and sends him flying until we get down to Barbarian vs. Boris to start things off.

Boris puts his head down and…..something happens (it looked like a choke but it’s not really clear) before it’s off to Warlord for a gutwrench suplex on Zhukov. Both Russians double team Warlord but they can’t even get him down to his knees. Nikolai chokes away before Boris puts on a chinlock. The Russians have a double backdrop broken up and it’s off to Barbarian again. Everything breaks down and it’s a double shoulder followed by a swan dive to Boris for the pin.

Rating: D. Another lame match here but the Powers looked decent. The Baron would be gone in a few weeks as the company wasn’t pleased that a dark character was getting cheered, so they turned Demolition and their evil S&M looking gear face instead. Also did the Russians ever actually win a major match?

Ad for Survivor Series.

Here’s the Brother Love Show with a bell ringing to start it for some reason. After a minute or two of talking about love, he introduces his guest: Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan says that he loves the country and that Love is a fake. Love thinks that Dino Bravo knows the meaning of love and loves his country (Canada), but Duggan says that the people of Canada don’t respect Bravo. Duggan says this isn’t Sunday school and he’ll police this company if need be. Love says he doesn’t see a badge on Duggan, but Jim says his 2×4 will do just fine. Duggan gives him a five count to leave and Love is gone at four. This was pointless.

Same boxing ad as earlier.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. ???

Honky says to get him someone out here to wrestle and he doesn’t care who it is. After a few seconds, the Ultimate Warrior charges to the ring, pounds Honky with right hands, hits a shoulder block and splashes him for the pin and the title in thirty seconds. The crowd ERUPTS, as this is what they’ve been waiting over a year to see.

So why was this so awesome? This was one of the most perfectly told stories the WWF ever produced and they nailed it every step of the way. Back in 1987, Ricky Steamboat was Intercontinental Champion but wanted to take some time off. The solution was to put the title on the comedic newcomer the Honky Tonk Man, who cheated to win the belt. Honky viewed as a total joke as champion due to his lack of skill and his gimmick of a wrestling Elvis impersonator.

The fans looked at him as someone who would lose the title the first time he defended it against someone far more competent than he was so it wasn’t that big of a deal. This is where Vince had the fans: what if Honky just didn’t lose the title? If there is one thing pure fans hate, it’s seeing a guy who doesn’t deserve a title holding onto it against people they like. Honky did this for the next 18 months by coming up with every way imaginable to cheat, ranging from getting counted out, disqualified, having Jimmy Hart interfere, walking out of matches and all points in between.

Honky continued to hold the title against far better talent, such as Jim Duggan, Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat and Brutus Beefcake, with the idea being “he has to lose eventually.” All of a sudden, Honky was one of the biggest draws around because people would pay their money to see him get beaten up, thinking that the lucky streak couldn’t go on much longer. Well the streak DID keep going, stretching into the longest title reign in the history of the belt which still stands to this day and will likely never be broken.

This is why having Warrior out there was so brilliant. Warrior was the last guy on earth that you would expect to pull off something clever, but he did what everyone else had overlooked: he didn’t bother trying to outsmart Honky, but instead just ran over him and beat him in thirty seconds. This is EXACTLY what the fans had wanted to see for over a year and they got it to perfection. That’s the kind of storytelling that you never get anymore which is a shame.

Regis Philbin is here.

Survivor Series is coming, so here’s a four minute highlight reel from last year’s show. This must be intermission.

Sugar Ray Leonard, one of the boxers in the advertised show, thanks Vince for promoting his fight.

Video on Leonard and his opponent in the fight Donny Lelonde.

Lelonde talks a bit as well.

Leonard says he’ll win.

We see the intro video from the beginning of the show again.

Bobby Heenan comes up to the announcers’ booth and says that DiBiase is counting his money while Andre reads the Wall Street Journal. The Mega Powers are currently cowering in their locker room.

Dino Bravo vs. Don Muraco

These two fought at Wrestlemania earlier in the year as well. This is power vs. power so they shove each other around to start. Some armdrags put Bravo on the floor before heading back in for a hiptoss. Off to an armbar by Muraco but Bravo comes back with an atomic drop to take over. A Russian legsweep puts Bravo down but Muraco has to go after Bravo’s manager Frenchy Martin. The referee gets kicked but nothing comes of it, allowing Bravo to hit his side slam for the pin.

Rating: D-. Somehow that match ran five and a half minutes. Muraco would also be gone soon before the end of the year and it’s not hard to see why. He was nowhere near as bad as Patera earlier but it was clear that his best days were behind him. Bravo would become Earthquake’s lackey soon after this and have the most productive time of his career.

Another Survivor Series ad.

Jesse Ventura says that he’s going to be impartial as the guest referee in the main event despite taking money from DiBiase.

Tag Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Demolition

Demolition is defending and the Harts don’t even get an entrance. The champions have Mr. Fuji and the Harts’ former manager Jimmy Hart with them. Bret and Ax start things off with Ax pounding Hitman down like he’s nothing. Bret avoids an elbow drop and it’s off to Anvil (Jim Neidhart) vs. Smash with Neidhart taking over. Ax hits a knee to Jim’s back from the apron and the champions take over again.

Neidhart gets in a punch to Ax’s face and it’s off to Hart vs. Smash again. Smash will have nothing to do with this selling stuff and whips Bret shoulder first into the post as the champions get their first extended advantage. Bret’s bad arm is caught up in the ropes and both champs pound away on the injured limb. Smash bends Bret’s arm around his own leg Off to Ax for more cranking on the arm. Bret is shockingly not selling it all that well.

Smash sends the arm into the post again and Bret is in big trouble on the outside. Back in and Ax pounds away while Graham is SCREAMING at Anvil to do something. Bret comes back with a clothesline with the injured arm but the referee misses the tag. Smash charges into a knee in the corner and now the referee sees the tag. Anvil comes in and cleans house, even slingshotting over the top onto Smash on the floor. Back in and Bret throws Anvil into Smash in the corner for two before everything breaks down. Neidhart goes after Fuji, allowing Ax to hit Bret in the back with the megaphone to retain.

Rating: B-. This took some time to get going but once Bret got in and started selling, it was all awesome. Demolition would hold the titles for nearly another year in the longest tag title reign in company history. These teams would go at it again in two years in one of the most entertaining tag matches ever. This was good stuff, but they were capable of much better.

Boxing ad.

Honky is going NUTS in the back, ranting about how this isn’t fair.

Big Boss Man vs. Koko B. Ware

Boss Man is brand new here. This wasn’t included on the home video version for reasons that I’ve never figured out. It was probably a time thing though. Koko fires away to start and staggers the very fat Boss Man with a dropkick. Boss Man is one of the best cases of weight loss you’ll ever see as he lost probably 100lbs in a year and a half, making him MUCH smoother in the ring.

Koko charges into a front facelock and Boss Man pounds him down with a forearm to the back. A splash in the corner crushes Ware but Boss Man pulls him up at two. Off to a surfboard hold but Koko rolls forward and kicks Boss Man in the face. A stiff right hand puts Koko down again but Boss Man misses a top rope splash. Boss Man misses another splash in the corner and a missile dropkick gets two for Koko. Ware charges again but gets dropped face first onto the post, followed by the Boss Man Slam for the easy pin.

Rating: D. This went WAY too long for a squash early on in Boss Man’s run with the company. The match wasn’t terrible and Koko looked good with the high flying stuff, but therein lies the problem: there’s no reason to have Koko look so good here. He should have gotten destroyed in about three minutes as opposed to being somewhat competitive in twice as long.

Boss Man hits Koko with the nightstick post match.

Survivor Series ad. Again.

Ultimate Warrior celebrates in the back and talks about it being like a comic book tonight. He’ll be on the next spaceship to Parts Unknown.

Jake Roberts vs. Hercules

Jake goes for the snake but it’s merely a ploy to get in some quick right hands. A knee lift puts Herc down but Jake can’t hook the DDT. Instead it’s a headlock and Hercules can’t even break it with a belly to back suplex. Herc escapes and drops some elbows for no cover. Off to a chinlock on the Snake as Graham says you can use this to talk to your opponent. In non-announcer speak: it’s a nice way to call spots. A lot of spots could be called here as Herc keeps the hold on for well over a minute.

Jake finally fights up and tries a hammerlock but gets elbowed in the face for his efforts. Roberts pulls Herc from the apron to the floor, only to have his neck snapped across the top rope as Hercules comes back in. We hit the chinlock again but Jake immediately jawbreaks his way out of it. The short clothesline looks to set up the DDT but Hercules backdrops out of it. Herc drops an elbow for two but Jake slips out of a slam and knocks Hercules out lukewarm with the DDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing special but it certainly wasn’t bad. The DDT looked great and the fans went nuts for it so you can’t say they didn’t get what they wanted. Hercules was fine for a role like this as he was strong enough to be a threat to anyone but rarely won anything. Decent little match here actually.

We recap the buildup to the main event. Andre seemed to be challenging Savage for a world title shot but DiBiase jumped Randy from behind, allowing Andre to choke Savage down. The Mega Bucks challenged Savage to a tag match which Savage accepted, saying that he would announce his partner later. If you didn’t know who that was from a mile away, you fail as a wrestling fan. Jesse Ventura, long time Hogan hater, is guest referee for no apparent reason. Andre intimidated Jesse and DiBiase paid Jesse off so the fix is in.

Mega Powers vs. Mega Bucks

Jesse sends all three managers (Virgil, Heenan and Liz) to the floor but not to the back. He also makes the teams change corners for no apparent reason. Savage gets to fight Andre to start but it’s quickly off to DiBiase. He wants Hogan and gets both Hulk and an atomic drop into a right hand from Savage. Hogan pounds DiBiase as well and it’s off to Savage for some double elbows. A top rope ax handle gets two for Savage off a slow count from Ventura.

Andre comes in to beat Hogan down but Jesse is with Liz. Now the Giant comes in legally and sits on Hogan’s chest a few times before putting on a nerve hold. With DiBiase coming in sans tag, Andre chokes away with his singlet. Ted comes in legally for a near fall off a clothesline before dropping those trademark fists of his. Off to a chinlock which Gorilla swears is a choke. Hogan finally elbows his way out of the hold but a double clothesline puts both guys down.

The hot tag brings in Savage to pound away on DiBiase with right hands and a backdrop. A top rope ax handle puts DiBiase down again but Ted rams him into the top turnbuckle to change momentum again. DiBiase clotheslines Savage down and it’s off to Giant again. Andre sits on Savage in the corner which is a lot more devastating than it sounds. Back to DiBiase who gets two off a suplex. Ted goes up for a middle rope elbow, but Savage uses all of his flying elbow experience and rolls away.

Hulk comes in again off the real hot tag and cleans house on both Mega Bucks but Savage jumps into Andre’s boot. Hogan puts DiBiase in a sleeper but Andre makes the save with some headbutts. The Mega Powers are down, but Liz gets on the apron and in the most famous part of the match, takes off her skirt to reveal a bikini bottom and some nice legs. The distraction lets the Mega Powers do their big handshake and Hulk Up as one. A top rope ax handle to Andre, a flying elbow and legdrop to DiBiase later and things are pretty much done. Jesse only counts two, so Savage has to shove his hand down for the three.

Rating: B-. Much like the original Wrestlemania main event, there isn’t much to see here but it’s a fun match. It gave the fans exactly what they wanted and the Liz bit was a big surprise as she NEVER did anything sexual up to that point and rarely did after. Hogan and Savage were obviously going to win, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fun moment and a decent main event.

Hogan lifts Liz (who remember is rather scantily clad here) onto Savage’s shoulder for the post match celebration. Savage gives him a look that says “Dude, NOT COOL!” You could see the seeds being planted even back then.

Overall Rating: D+. This is more of the start of a historical series than a good show itself. The only things people remember are Liz’s legs and a thirty second squash and it’s really not surprising. The rest of the show is a bunch of boring matches with nothing of note to them at all. It’s certainly not a terrible show as there are some good tag matches and some decent singles matches, but nothing on here is must see television and nothing is really significant. For a big house show though, not too bad.

Ratings Comparison

For each of the twenty five reviews, I’ll be posting a comparison of the original reviews to the redos as I always do. Summerslam was one of the first set of reviews I ever did so the original ratings are going to be very interesting.

British Bulldogs vs. Fabulous Rougeaus

Original: B

Redo: C+

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera

Original: D+

Redo: F

Rick Rude vs. Junkyard Dog

Original: D

Redo: D

Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks

Original: C+

Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Honky Tonk Man

Original: A+

Redo: N/A

Dino Bravo vs. Don Muraco

Original: B-

Redo: D-

Demolition vs. Hart Foundation

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Big Boss Man vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

Redo: D

Jake Roberts vs. Hercules

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Mega Powers vs. Mega Bucks

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D+

How could I have possibly liked Muraco vs. Bravo? There’s NOTHING there!

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Much like last year, there’s nothing else to talk about besides the main event. This is all about Shawn vs. Bret and they’re not even trying to hide it. The other big match on the card is Diesel vs. Undertaker but it’s so far behind the World Title match that it’s not fair to mention them in the same breath. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, here’s a bonus that probably should have been on the main card (at least on paper). Occasionally WWF would air a match on their pre-show (known as the Kickoff Show in modern times) and I’ll include them if they’re available. There were dark matches for years before Wrestlemania would go on the air but this is the first that was actually recorded.

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is a tournament final for the vacant titles. The Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip, a pair of exercise enthusiasts) have Sunny, a rather attractive manager and the Godwinns (Henry O. and Phineas I. (get it?), hog farmers) have Hillbilly Jim in their corner. Of note there’s a big blimp flying around over the lower arena, making it practically impossible for fans sitting behind it to see a thing.

Henry and Zip start things off and a wheelbarrow slam gives the Godwinns early control. Phineas comes in and has one of his fits as he clears the ring. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by any of this. Things settle back down and it’s Henry catapulting Zip over the top and down onto Skip for a nice crash to get the crowd into things a bit. For some reason Phineas tries to come in (he never was that bright) and the Bodydonnas take over with a double slingshot suplex.

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

Rating: D-. Thankfully these things would get better later on because this was terrible. It’s probably better that this wasn’t on the main show as people really didn’t need to see how dismal the tag division had become at this point. There were so many lame gimmick teams like this and they took years to get better, but even then it only lasted for a short time. Terrible match but the right result.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Johnson is an athletic freak who would have been WWF World Champion had he not been so injury prone. Yokozuna is even heavier than ever and is in this match to get his hands on the heels’ manager Jim Cornette if the good guys win. Vader is Cornette’s new charge and really shouldn’t need an introduction. The big guys start brawling at the start and it’s Yokozuna’s team clearing house with Yokozuna launching Ahmed over the top and out onto Vader. That’s good for a better reaction than anything in the Tag Team Title match had and we’re less than a minute in.

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Ahmed completely misses a clothesline to Owen (Johnson had a great look and awesome charisma but he couldn’t do the actual wrestling part) and makes the tag off to Jake for his signature punches. Owen blocks the DDT though and it’s off to Bulldog for a front facelock. The heels keep taking turns on Jake and Owen’s top rope elbow gets two. Bulldog’s running powerslam gets the same (that’s a big surprise) and so does a splash from Vader.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Rating: C-. This didn’t need to be so long and the teasing of Yokozuna getting his hands on Cornette didn’t go anywhere. They did however keep Jake in there for the most part and that’s the right idea given how good he was at selling a beating like that. Yokozuna was only good for quick bursts at this point and the weight would lead to him leaving the company. Vader was clearly on the rise as he was a monster but one who could move with very impressive speed, making him a great addition to the main event.

Call the Hotline!

We recap Roddy Piper vs. Goldust, which can be translated to “Razor Ramon had drug issues so here’s Piper instead.” Piper is a man’s man and President of the WWF, but Goldust (still very bizarre in actions here instead of just in name only) is attracted to Piper and his power. That’s not cool with Roddy and it’s time for a fight at Wrestlemania. Not a match mind you, but they’re going to be fighting in a back lot.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Goldust gets slammed onto the hood of the car and seems to be bleeding from somewhere. A low blow slows Piper down and Goldust runs him over, causing Piper (or more likely a stunt man) to hang on as Goldust drives through the lot. Piper finally falls off and steals a white Bronco to chase after Goldust. No rating due to time but we’re not done with this yet.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Vega is a Puerto Rican brawler and Austin is the Million Dollar Champion (not on the line here) with Ted DiBiase in his corner. These two had been fighting for a bit but it was made worse when they had to team together in the Tag Team Title tournament. Austin didn’t want to win and laid out Savio instead. We’re ready to go after Savio says he’s ready for anything.

They slug it out and the brawl is quickly on the floor where a DiBiase distraction doesn’t do Austin any good. Back in and Vega’s shoulder goes into the post as Austin takes over on his own. That’s a nice, subtle point and would come into play months later when Austin intentionally got DiBiase sent out of the company.

Austin tries to work on the arm but Savio takes over with some nice kicks. Oh wait though as Roddy Piper calls in to say he’s chasing Goldust down the freeway because this isn’t over. Vega flips out of a chinlock but the arm is still bothering him. Austin comes back with a middle rope elbow as Piper gets on the phone again but his phone keeps cutting off when he’s about to swear. This is a bad sitcom plot.

A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each but we have an aerial shot of Piper…..which is the video from the OJ Simpson car chase. Back to the match (which shouldn’t have to happen more than once ever) and Austin dives into a raised boot to put both guys down. Savio wins a slugout but a spinwheel kick takes out the referee. The distraction lets DiBiase throw in the title belt goes upside Savio’s head twice, allowing Austin to put on the Million Dollar Dream until the referee wakes up to call the match at 10:03.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

Austin won’t let the hold go for a long time after the match is over.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

We recap Undertaker pulling Diesel through the mat last month at In Your House VI and then Diesel seeing himself in a coffin. Diesel says he’s dealing with Undertaker tonight and then Shawn is next. Yes Shawn and not the title. I guess even Diesel knew what was coming in the main event.

Another half second of Piper footage as the announcers make sure to not say where they’ve seen this before.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Helmsley has a new valet (like he did every week) named Sable. Warrior is making his return for the first time since 1992 and Lawler had been suggesting that he was 400lbs and bald. Of course he’s his normal (normalish I guess) self and Lawler looks like an idiot again. Helmsley (who is TINY by comparison to what he would become) attacks Warrior before the bell and hits the Pedigree thirty seconds in. Warrior is almost to his feet faster than Helmsley though and it’s time for the clotheslines and shoulders. The gorilla press and splash end Helmsley at 1:39, though I think he’ll be fine. Warrior would be gone again by July.

Merchandise ad.

The debuting Wildman Marc Mero (Johnny B. Badd from WCW) says he’s ready for the competition here in the WWF. Helmsley stumbles in and they get in a fight to set up Mero’s first feud.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

This is the first time Undertaker has had a really serious challenger at Wrestlemania in a few years and for once he feels like he’s in real danger. These two have cost each other title shots at the last two pay per views and now it’s time for them to go one on one in a marginal dream match. Diesel wins a slugout to start and crushes Undertaker with a running clothesline in the corner.

Undertaker misses his big elbow but sits right back up and they quickly on the floor. A quick ram into the steps looks to set up the tombstone back inside but Diesel slips off the back and kicks Undertaker in the face for two. They’re flying through this so far. Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline and crashes into the ropes, only to snap Diesel’s throat across the top. Diesel is right back though and throws Undertaker into the barricade before stopping to pose.

Back in and the side slam gets two, followed by Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince, I believe for the only time ever) to keep Undertaker in trouble. In a rare sight, both guys connect with a big boot at the same time (that’s hard to do when you think about it). It’s Diesel up first and we hit the bearhug on Undertaker. Lawler: “YOU GOT HIM BAY-BAY!”

Undertaker suplexes his way out of it but Diesel is up again and scores with the Jackknife. He’d rather celebrate than cover though and Undertaker eventually sits up. That’s fine with Diesel as he hits a second Jackknife but still won’t cover, allowing Undertaker to get up and grab him by the throat. That earns Undertaker a belly to back suplex but he pops up for a bad looking chokeslam. Undertaker plants Diesel with the Tombstone for the pin at 16:37 to make it 5-0.

Rating: B. Diesel was on his way out for WCW but he was actually having better matches every month right before he left. This was by far the best Undertaker Wrestlemania match so far as they were beating the tar out of each other. It’s nice to see Undertaker actually in some trouble instead of just destroying people for a change and Diesel gave him a great challenge. This was much better than I was expecting and a great big man fight.

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

Goldust and Piper return in their cars and fight to the ring with Goldust getting the better of it. Another low blow has Piper in trouble and now it’s time for Goldust to strip him. Piper’s bad leg is wrapped around the post but it just seems to fire him up even more. Goldust goes to kiss him but punches Piper in the face instead. That’s fine with Piper as he crotches Goldust on top, only to have Goldust kiss him. Piper will have none of that and he hammers away before grabbing Goldust between the legs. Now it’s time for a spanking, followed by Piper stripping Goldust down to some S&M lingerie to finally end it.

Piper’s son Colt comes in to celebrate with him.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Shawn says everyone knows the story and now it’s time for the final chapter.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Bret is defending and this is a sixty minute Iron Man match, meaning the most falls (pin, submission, countout, disqualification) in the time limit wins. Lothario comes out with no Shawn but he points to the top of the arena for Shawn’s famous zipline entrance into the crowd. That shot of him riding down into the arena was shown on a lot of highlight packages for a very long time. Hebner explains the rules in full, even down to how a countout works, and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

Shawn fights up into a top wristlock but Bret reverses into a front facelock. That goes nowhere so Shawn escapes into an armbar. They get to their feet and try to pick up the pace but it’s right back to the mat for more arm cranking on the champ. Bret takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but Shawn forearms him in the jaw and headscissors Bret to the floor.

We’re ten minute in and you might think that headscissors would start the second gear but instead it’s right back to the armbar from Shawn. Bret stops to yell at Lothario and the distraction lets Shawn crank on the arm all over again. The hold stays on so long that Vince and Jerry actually talk strategy and analyze the match. Back up and Michaels gets caught in a spinebuster but fights out of a Sharpshooter attempt. They head to the floor and Bret is sent into the timekeeper’s area where a superkick takes the timekeeper’s (who looked a lot like Tony Chimmel) head off.

Back in and Bret grabs a chinlock to slow things down all over again. Shawn FINALLY fights up and hits a hard clothesline but Bret nails one of his own and it’s right back to that chinlock. Another comeback from Shawn includes a dropkick and there’s another armbar. We’re twenty minutes in and this already isn’t boding well. Shawn pulls on the wrist with his foot in Bret’s face before switching to a regular armbar. Good thing too as the fans might have been interested in something different.

Back up and they get a bit more aggressive as Bret’s shoulder is sent into the post. A shoulder breaker and hammerlock slam (shades of the Andersons) have Bret in even more trouble but Shawn isn’t following up. There’s a cross armbreaker on the wrong arm so Shawn quickly switches to the proper version. Shawn switches up to a seated armbar for a good bit until Bret fights up with a Stun Gun for the break. The arm keeps giving him problems though and Shawn sends Bret face first into the buckle. Bret isn’t done yet though as he comes back with the Five Moves of Doom.

For some reason he goes to the top rope and Shawn is ready to catch him, but Bret puts his knee on the back of Shawn’s head and drives him down onto the mat. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two as there are thirty minutes to go. A slam brings Bret off the top again and a hurricanrana lets Shawn hammer away. That’s one of the first lucha style moves Shawn has used after basically promising to use a bunch of them. Nice little head game there and not something you often see work on Bret.

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Bret to the floor but Michaels goes to the top and LAUNCHES himself down onto Bret. That was one heck of a dive and always impresses me whenever I see this match. Back in and a PerfectPlex gets two on the champ. We hit a sleeper, which is smart but annoying after everything we’ve sat through here. Bret fights up (the arm injury disappeared a long time ago) and backdrops Shawn WAY over the top for a huge crash. Lothario comes over to check on him but somehow it’s not a countout.

Back in and Bret works on the back with an ax handle and backbreaker. There are twenty minutes left and Bret drops him with a belly to back superplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit until Shawn fights up, only to have Bret throw him to the floor and into Lothario. With fifteen minutes to go, Bret even screams at Jose as he tries to get up and belly to bellys Shawn down for two. That’s rather heelish of him. The yelling, not the suplex.

Shawn’s right hands don’t get him anywhere as Bret counters a rollup by kicking Michaels outside again. This time it’s Bret diving through the ropes to take Shawn down again. Bret is willing to take the countout now but then changes his mind and breaks it up. Lawler: “He’s his own worst enemy! No, not as long as I’m still alive.” Back in and a German suplex gets two for the champ and Shawn can barely stand. He’s still able to slug it out from his knees though, telling Bret to bring it on.

A big headbutt puts Shawn down but Bret can’t follow up. After a few shakes of his head, Bret grabs another reverse chinlock and we have ten minutes to go. Shawn fights up yet again but it’s a double clothesline to reset things all over again. There’s a superplex from Bret as Vince declares it over at the six minute mark. He’s wrong on both counts as not only does it not get a fall but there were nearly seven minutes left.

Shawn kicks Bret in the face to block a Sharpshooter so Hart has to settle for a half crab instead. Unfortunately Shawn is right next to the ropes for the save and we’ve got five minutes left. Bret dives into a boot and both guys are down again. Shawn comes back with a nice dropkick to send Bret into the corner and there’s the Irish whip for Bret’s chest first buckle bump. Four minutes left and Shawn forearms into the nipup (which the camera misses) as it’s time for a comeback. Lawler: “Michaels has just gotten his nineteenth wind!”

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

We’re not done yet though as Bret goes to leave, only to have Monsoon make a ruling that we’re getting sudden death because THERE MUST BE A WINNER. Bret is ticked and starts hammering away on the back but Shawn jumps over him in the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. Everyone (including me when I was watching live) jumps to their feet but Shawn can’t follow up. Both guys stagger to their feet and another superkick gives Shawn the first fall and the title at 1:01:50.

Rating: B-. This is a really tricky one to grade but the first twenty minutes ruin whatever else they could have had here. It’s just a bunch of laying around in rest holds, which may make sense but that doesn’t mean it’s entertaining. This would have been much better off as a regular match running about forty minutes as it increases drama and lets you believe that something might happen at any given moment.

The match is fondly remembered and it’s certainly not bad, but it’s definitely nowhere near a classic. Allegedly neither guy wanted to job multiple times to the other and it caused the match to be a bunch of waiting around for the first and decisive fall, which made for a dull match until the last five minutes. Unfortunately that’s the case with almost all Iron Man matches and it certainly happened here too. Good match, but not as great as it’s hyped up to be.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was a one match show but the Diesel vs. Undertaker match was more than enough to help push it up to a higher level. This was still a bad time for the company but they were smart enough to go with a new direction. Shawn’s success as champion would be hit or miss on his best day but there was no question that this was the right move at the time. It’s not a great show, but when nearly half of it is spent on an entertaining enough match, the show is a success.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania VIII
Date: April 5, 1992
Location: Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 62,167
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This was one of the names mentioned for a possible redo so I’ll throw it in as a bonus. On his podcast, Bruce Prichard mentioned this as one of the worst Wrestlemanias ever and I’m really not sure why. The show features a double main event with Ric Flair defending the WWF World Title against Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan’s possible retirement match against Sid Justice. Let’s get to it.

Vince McMahon gives us the big over the top introduction as only he can do. It only talks about the double main event but really, nothing else is worth talking about.

Gorilla and Bobby (with a VERY visible section of empty seats between their heads, which will be a recurring problem tonight) intro the show with Heenan looking for the pictures. Those would be promised “centerfolds” of Elizabeth, which Ric Flair has promised. More on this later.

Reba McIntyre singes the Star Spangled Banner. It’s odd to hear anything but America the Beautiful.

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels

Tito is a bullfighter (it didn’t work then either) and Heenan says he’s McIntyre’s sister. Heenan: “That’s arriba McIntyre!” Shawn has Sherri with him and we get a cool shot from behind with Shawn looking up at the huge stadium. This is his first singles Wrestlemania so it’s quite the big moment for his career. Heenan thinks Shawn is a future Intercontinental Champion. He’s a few months early but he certainly can call things.

We get a long stretch of Sherri leaving and some trash talk before we actually do anything because stalling is a thing on stadium shows too. They start fast (once they start that is) with Tito getting two off a crossbody and headlocking him to the mat. Shawn gets sent outside in a heap and that means it’s time for the over the top selling. We hit the headlock again and MY GOODNESS there are some half empty sections very visible in the upper deck. If that happened today, the production staff would all be fired.

Tito pops him in the jaw and Sherri is panicking at the thought of Shawn’s face being damaged. It’s back to the headlock and Shawn can’t even throw him off with a lift into the air. Heenan swears that he’s won a match with a headlock and that someone even gave up during instructions.

Back up and Shawn finally throws him over the top for a huge crash to take over. A backbreaker keeps Tito in trouble as Sherri is taking her glove off for some reason. We hit the chinlock and even more of those empty sections are shown. There’s almost no angle you can show here that doesn’t display them and it’s really distracting. Tito fights up but charges into the superkick (not yet a finisher) and Heenan declares no more tacos tonight.

The Teardrop Suplex is broken up and Tito scores with his flying forearm (Heenan: “That’s the Flying Jalapeno!”) to send Shawn outside. Back in and Tito slugs away, allowing Shawn to do the overblown Wrestlemania selling for the first time. El Paso Del Muerte (jumping forearm to the back) sends Shawn to the floor and Tito tries a suplex, only to have Shawn grab the rope and fall on top for the pin at 10:38.

Rating: B-. Good opener here as Tito is one of those guys who is always good for a solid performance. Shawn’s star was clearly on the rise here (give someone Sherri if you need them to get a rocket attached to their back) and a win in a competitive match was a good start. Solid match here and that’s all it needed to be.

Gene Okerlund is on the platform and brings out the Legion of Doom for an interview, including manager Paul Ellering. Paul talks about the need to put the team together in the first place and now revenge has brought them back together. He’s not here to get rich but to get even. Animal talks about facing and defeating adversity and now it’s time to get revenge on everyone, including Jimmy Hart and Money Inc.

Hawk says they’re a runaway train and now, look who’s driving the train. Paul wraps it up by saying they’re going to earn their money the old fashioned way: beating people for it. They want the titles back and don’t care who they have to beat to get them back. Ellering was good for the team in the NWA but I have no idea why he was needed here. Or why he’s somehow back in WWE twenty six years later.

Jake Roberts isn’t bringing a snake back to the ring but he will recap his feud with Undertaker. He’s gone full evil to go after Ultimate Warrior but since Warrior left the company, Undertaker turned face on Jake, setting up the match. Jake trapped Undertaker’s hand in the casket on the Funeral Parlor and laid Bearer out with a DDT, followed by a chair shot to Undertaker. Evil Jake was awesome but this was a bit of a different kind of animal.

Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker

I love that pulling himself up from the corner thing that Jake does. Diamond Dallas Page borrowed it from him and it’s not all that surprising. Jake slugs away to start and reality sets in very quickly. A running right hand puts Undertaker on the floor but Jake gets pulled outside as well. The beating is on and the fans are WAY into a fired up Undertaker.

Back in and Jake’s right hands still don’t have much effect so Bobby starts making Munsters references. Better than the Addams Family at least. Undertaker starts choking but Jake grabs a quick DDT and you can feel the fans react. Then Undertaker sits up and it’s very clear that this is something different. Another DDT drops Undertaker again but this time Jake goes after Bearer….as Undertaker gets up again. That means a Tombstone on the floor and Jake is DEAD for the pin at 6:41.

Rating: D. This was around the time where the Undertaker would start to be the kind of attraction that the company wanted him to be. It’s clear that there’s something very different about him and beating a big name like Roberts was a great way to push him towards that goal. I mean, beating Hogan less than six months ago did it even more so but still, awesome booking here. This was Jake’s last match with the company until 1996 as he was turned down for Pat Patterson’s job and left as a result.

Roddy Piper and Bret Hart are in the back with Roddy talking about growing up together when Bret was a bit dumb. Apparently Mrs. Hart would make them sandwiches but Bret finally cuts him off. They’re supposed to have a nice contest for the Intercontinental Title but Bret wants to be serious. That’s fine with Roddy and the match is on. Bret lost the title due to wrestling with a high fever and Piper won it almost immediately. This is Bret’s big rematch and one of the most intriguing matches on the show.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Piper is defending. The first minute is spent with Piper taking off his kilt and some instructions from the referee. Never let it be said that Wrestlemania doesn’t know how to waste time. Piper armdrags him down to start as Monsoon actually analyzes the match, which isn’t something you get from most other announcers. Heenan’s idea: waffle the other guy with a tire iron.

Piper tries some amateur wrestling and is quickly sent outside in a huff. Back in and Piper spits at Bret and Heenan wants an apology right now. Bret wins a battle of the wristlocks and Piper can’t chop his way to freedom. Monsoon says thirty countries are watching the show live, lists off three of them, and then stops for a good fifteen seconds of silence. A running dropkick drops Piper but Bret comes up holding his shoulder. Heenan sees right through it (Bobby: “WHAT A GREAT MOVE!”) and Roddy is REALLY not happy.

Bret comes back with a running crossbody and they fall out to the floor at the same time. Piper is up first and holds the ropes for Bret but naturally gets in a cheap shot to take over. Well you know he’s the most natural heel ever so it’s not exactly a surprise. A bulldog gives Piper two and Bret is busted open (which he lied about, claiming that it was a hardway cut to save his job) somewhere in there.

Bret is fine enough to get two off a sunset flip and Heenan is begging for some more violence. A slugout goes to Piper so Bret hits a running forearm to knock him outside. Back in and a double clothesline puts them both down with Piper’s head landing on Bret. Heenan wants a count but Monsoon accurately says all four shoulders are down so there can’t be a pin. So much for the Brain.

Bret is up first with the Five Moves of Doom but Piper blocks the Sharpshooter. The middle rope elbow hits a raised boot and Piper has an opening. The referee gets bumped though and Bret is sent face first into the steps. Piper grabs the bell but can’t bring himself to do it (Heenan: “GIVE IT TO ME! I’LL HIT HIM!”), instead grabbing a sleeper. Bret climbs the corner and flips backwards onto Piper for the pin and the title at 13:52.

Rating: A-. This is the match that you point at when you need to prove that Piper can put on a good match when he’s given the chance. Bret winning the title back here was all that this should have been and the classic made it an even better moment. That ending would be used several times over the years and is rather famous in its own right, which is rather fitting when it comes from a classic wrestler like Bret. Great match here and another example of how talented both of them really are.

They shake hands to make it clear that Piper is still on the good side.

Heenan sends us to Atlanta, Georgia and the home of future WBF Bodystars Champion Lex Luger. Lex is his usual smug self and praises Bobby while calling Gorilla fat. Luger takes off his shirt to reveal a muscle shirt and Heenan is WAY too excited. He has some milk to wrap this up with Monsoon not exactly being impressed. Monsoon: “You found someone even more conceited than you are!”

The Mountie, the Nasty Boys and Repo Man are excited for the eight man tag.

Sgt. Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Virgil and Big Boss Man are excited for the eight man tag. Remember that Slaughter was main eventing the show last year.

Comedian Ray Combs is guest ring announcer for said eight man tag and of course he has some jokes. Since we can’t survey who will be good or evil (yeah you can), he’s asked 100 people (the gimmick of his Family Feud game show) about some of the people in the match. The Mountie is dumb like the Three Stooges, Repo Man is ugly and looks like a girl and the Nasty Boys are only successful because they’re lucky. With that he’s chased off and we’re ready to go.

The Mountie/Nasty Boys/Repo Man vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan/Big Boss Man/Virgil

The good guys clean house with elbows and clotheslines as Heenan plugs some WWF names being on Family Feud. So there’s your cross promotion. Hang on though: SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! Monsoon: “WHO CARES?” Well Shawn might. Anyway we settle down to Sags vs. Duggan with Jim firing off some clotheslines. I mean, as much fire as Duggan is going to have.

Slaughter comes in for some clotheslines of his own to Knobbs before dropping to his knees for an elbow to the ribs. What an odd visual. It’s off to Boss Man for a wind up uppercut but he misses a splash on Repo Man. Repo jumps onto Boss Man’s back, shouts ONE MORE TIME, and jumps right into a low blow.

Virgil, with a broken nose, comes in and gets taken down without much effort. Even Heenan is running out of ways to make fun of the people in this match because Virgil is such a joke in the first place. Sags hits a pumphandle slam but Boss Man comes in with a spinebuster as everything breaks down. Some heel miscommunication sees Sags hit Knobbs to give Virgil the pin at 6:28.

Rating: D. Wrestlemania was different back then, which might be the biggest understatement of the wrestling year. This was a house show match to pop the crowd but here it served as a way to let them cool down a bit after the title change. At least it served a purpose, but it feels so out of place on here.

Flair and his executive consultant Mr. Perfect look at the blown up picture of Liz (we can’t see it of course) with Flair swearing it’s real. Ric talks about the bright lights and the big city where Savage will try to reclaim the biggest trophy of them all. After Savage takes the beating of his life, Savage can look up and see the pictures just like everyone else. Then Liz has one more shot at Space Mountain. Perfect: “Can I come along with you this time champ?”

Savage won’t grant interviews.

Since the company doesn’t feel the need to explain the story, the idea here is Flair claimed to have been with Liz before she met Savage. As Savage is completely crazy most days and even worse when it comes to her, this sent him into the rage of all rages and set up the angle after the match was made, which is always odd. Anyway, Flair has promised to show some rather private pictures of Liz, which have only been referenced about a hundred times in the first hour and ten minutes of the show.

WWF World Title: Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair

Flair is defending and wearing red, meaning he’s likely losing (Look it up. He almost never wins a big match when he’s wearing red.). Heenan instantly says that to be fair to Flair, you have to say that’s a great robe, giving Monsoon one of his best ever WILL YOU STOP’s. Savage jumps Flair in the aisle until Perfect drags him off the champ. Heenan sums things up very well: Savage wants to hurt Flair rather than win the title so things should be going fine for Flair (and Heenan, who was in full on Flair fanboy mode here).

Flair tries an atomic drop and gets his head taken off with a clothesline. A backdrop sends Savage to the floor with one of his trademark great bumps. Savage is already favoring his back so Flair stomps away as Heenan goes into one of the best, longest rants I’ve ever heard him give on Flair not losing. Flair gets two off a suplex (Heenan: “An eighty year old woman could have counted faster than Hebner!”) and the belly to back version is good for the same. A chop takes Savage right back down and Flair drops him back first onto the apron.

Another suplex gets another two as they’ve moved to a rather slow pace. Savage manages to get in a neckbreaker and Heenan needs a drink. The required slam off the top keeps Flair in trouble and Heenan is begging for Flair to do something. I know I’m talking about Heenan a lot in this match but he’s absolutely amazing here. The Flair Flip sends Ric to the top but he dives into a clothesline for two and Heenan….well I think you can figure this one out from here.

Savage sends him outside and hits an ax handle to drive Flair into the barricade. With Flair falling down, we get one of the most obvious blade jobs you’ll ever see (nearly getting him fired in the process). Back in and Savage hammers away with another ax handle getting two. The big elbow connects but Perfect pulls Savage out at two. Thank goodness that wasn’t a DQ or they might have burned the dome down.

Perfect gets dragged in and the referee gets bumped for a few seconds, allowing Perfect to throw Flair an object. That’s only good for two as well so Perfect nails Savage in the leg with a chair. Cue Liz with a host of suits (including Shane McMahon in one of his first on-screen appearances) trying to stop her. Flair goes into his usual leg work routine and the Figure Four goes on. Heenan: “SHOW ME THE PICTURES!”

Perfect grabs the hand so the referee kicks it away, allowing Savage to turn it over and break the hold. A small package gives Savage two (and a GREAT false near fall with the crowd gasping) but Flair goes back to the knee. Savage blocks a right hand though and a rollup (with trunks) gives Randy the title back at 17:58.

Rating: A. I got WAY into this match watching it back and was having a great time with everything. The crowd completely bought into Savage’s quest for revenge with the title just being a bonus prize. All the cheating was great stuff with Savage overcoming all odds, partially due to the inspiration from Liz. The match was even different from the usual stuff with Savage having long stretches of control, which you almost never see in a match like this. Really great stuff here and an underrated classic. If nothing else just listen to Heenan’s commentary.

Post match Heenan bails from the booth and Flair tries to kiss Liz. That earns him a bunch of slaps to the face as everything goes crazy. Perfect takes Savage down and Flair goes after the knee as all the suits are powerless to stop anything. Savage fights up and cleans house before finally being announced as the new champion.

Perfect claims a handful of trunks (accurate) and says that’s not how a macho man would act. Heenan comes in and says there’s nothing to worry about because it’s all on tape. Flair says tonight, a man is going to walk around Indianapolis claiming to be the real World’s Champion and to have the love of Liz. Perfect talks about Savage taking a shortcut, which Flair has NEVER done. Perfect: “Just like his old lady! A cheater!” Ric promises to get the title back and kiss Liz whenever he sees her.

Savage can barely walk and says this isn’t done. Today was just a piece of what Flair has coming to him because he hasn’t been beaten up properly. Flair has somehow made him even madder than he was so it doesn’t matter where it is, but Ric is getting the beating he deserves. Liz isn’t allowed to say if she’s been vindicated as Savage gives her the belt, saying it’s hers. Savage if Flairs though and this is just a piece. GREAT stuff here from Savage who can play the crazed man like few others (and I use the term “play” loosely).

We recap Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan. Hulk had been named #1 contender and Sid wasn’t happy. Therefore he turned on Hogan during a tag match and went on a major rampage, including destroying the Barber Shop set. That was enough to change Wrestlemania as Hogan wanted to fight Sid instead. Hogan has also teased that this might be his last match, which translates to “steroids are becoming a big issue and Hogan isn’t the cleanest looking guy in the world”.

Intermission keeps going with some members of Tatanka’s tribe dancing in the ring.

Rick Martel has some reservations about Tatanka because he’s still outside scalping tickets.

Rick Martel vs. Tatanka

Yes this is on Wrestlemania as it’s just a different time. Martel knees him in the ribs to start as Heenan issues a statement on it being a matter of time until they get the title back. He lists off all of his jobs in the Flair organization with Monsoon only responding with “YOU’RE A LIAR!” Heenan offers to put em up and Monsoon laughs it off.

Tatanka elbows his way out of trouble and sends Martel shoulder first into the post. A choke takedown drops Tatanka as we’re still waiting on the announcers to acknowledge the match going on. Martel sends him hard to the floor as Monsoon says “Ric Flair” is giving a wrestling lesson right now. Rick heads up but gets crotched, setting up the comeback and a crossbody to pin Martel at 4:31.

Rating: D. Just a filler match here and there’s nothing wrong with that. Today it would be a quick comedy match or something so it’s hard to argue with something being in this spot on the card. Martel feels out of place here, though there’s nothing wrong with having a solid hand like him on the roster. You’re going to get least a watchable match out of him and this did its job, albeit not in the most entertaining way.

Tag Team Champions Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and IRS with new manager Jimmy Hart) is ready to take care of the Natural Disasters. Hart jumped from the Disasters to Money Inc. and has told them all of the Disasters’ secrets. It’s not a bad idea and it’s not like it’s hard to boo Money Inc.

The Disasters (Earthquake and Typhoon) are ready for revenge and the titles.

Tag Team Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending. IRS starts with Earthquake but bails in very short order as Heenan complains about all the noise here. Some hard shoves send DiBiase into the corner before the champs are rocked with some big clotheslines. After a meeting with Jimmy, it’s IRS getting his arm hammered by Earthquake.

Typhoon comes in for a hiptoss and it’s his turn to get tossed into the corner. Completely one sided so far as Gorilla keeps mocking Heenan over Flair’s loss. Typhoon finally misses a splash in the corner and it’s off to DiBiase. We get an awkward looking sequence where DiBiase doesn’t seem ready to low bridge Typhoon to the floor. No worries though as they do it again a few seconds later (erg) and this time Typhoon goes over.

A double clothesline (somehow to the back of the head as Typhoon can’t even run the ropes properly) sets up a front facelock as this is dying before my eyes. Back up and Typhoon gets in a clothesline for his own for the ice cold tag to Earthquake. Everything breaks down and DiBiase is clotheslined to the floor. Earthquake loads up the Earthquake but IRS is pulled to the floor and it’s an intentional countout to retain the titles at 8:37.

Rating: F. WOW this was terrible and the fans clearly didn’t care. Can you blame them though? Not only was it boring but on top of that it was full of botches and had a house shoe level finish. Just horrible stuff here and in the running for worst Wrestlemania match ever. That’s some rather elite company and I have no idea why they thought this was a good idea.

Brutus Beefcake is here to support Hulk Hogan because Hulkamania will live forever.

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

Oh come on GET TO THE MAIN EVENT ALREADY! Skinner jumps him from behind to start and hits a quick shoulder breaker. The reverse DDT gets two on Owen but he skins the cat and grabs an O’Connor Roll to pin Skinner at 1:08. Absolute filler.

Sid cuts off Gene Okerlund, calling him a short, bald headed little oaf. He’s going to destroy Hulkamania once and for all. We go to a sitdown interview with Hogan where he says he’s just not sure if this is his final match or not. Vince, conducting the interview, shakes his hand and thanks him for everything. Sid promises to destroy every Hulkamaniac because he rules the world.

Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan

Sid has Harvey Whippleman in his corner. Hogan gets the big entrance and the fans are as into it as they’ve been in a good while but Sid jumps him from behind. In one of the most underrated Hogan sequences ever, he does a mini Hulk Up, punches Sid to the floor, and clotheslines him off the apron to send Sid outside. You can feel the power of Hulkamania and my goodness it works so freaking well all over again.

We settle down to Sid choking and hammering in the corner but Hulk is right back with more right hands. The fans are ALL OVER this and Sid bails to the floor for a minute. Back in and we hit the test of strength with Hogan going down. As the fans all reconsider their place in life, Hogan fights up but gets knocked into the corner. Hogan is in trouble again and gets sent to the floor for some shots to the back from Harvey’s medical bag.

Sid grabs a nerve hold and it looks like Hogan is taking a nap. Sid’s powerbomb sets up Hogan’s fish out of water selling and it’s time for the Hulk Up. Heenan: “THEY’RE BOTH NUTS!” The big boot and a slam (not exactly impressive on Sid) set up the legdrop….for two, as the scheduled run-in was mistimed (on purpose, as the company decided to make Hogan look bad in case it was his last match). Instead Harvey comes in for the DQ at 12:37.

Rating: D-. I know the wrestling is pretty terrible but my goodness some of those Hogan comebacks felt like the old days. The fans helped this one a lot and the opening was just too much to call this a failure. It felt like a house show match and that’s completely unacceptable for a Wrestlemania main event, but at least it had some great moments.

Post match Papa Shango (the scheduled run-in) comes out for the double beatdown but the Ultimate Warrior makes his return after about eight months away for the save. A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is all over the place as it goes from very good to horrible all night long. The ending with Warrior returning is more than enough of a combination with the two great matches to make the show work though and really, some of the bad matches are short enough that they don’t mean much. It doesn’t mean much in the long term as this was a VERY weak time for the company, but better times were coming in the forms of Bret and Shawn. For one last hurrah for the old guard though, it worked as a fun show, albeit one that needed a very powerful fast forward button.

Ratings Comparison

Shawn Michaels vs. El Matador

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: B-

Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: A-

Mountie/Nasty Boys/Repo Man vs. Jim Duggan/Virgil/Sgt. Slaughter/Big Boss Man

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2018 Redo: A

Rick Martel vs. Tatanka

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D

Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc.

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D-

2018 Redo: F

Skinner vs. Owen Hart

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B-

2018 Redo: B-

Nothing really out of the norm there and I’ve liked the show every time.

Here’s the original review:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/15/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-8-hogan-who-needs-the-bald-man/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/17/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-viii-show-me-the-pictures/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

In addition to the double main event, we have a match that is going to change wrestling going forward but no one knew it yet. This is a time of change for the company but it was still a very dark period at the moment. We’ll see a lot of the changes on this show, many of which will be better than others. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately Jesse Ventura is gone from the company. Heenan is great but you can’t replace Jesse and Gorilla.

The opening video is just a quick look at Hogan vs. Slaughter.

Willie Nelson, complete with a replica WWF World Title belt, sings America the Beautiful.

Gorilla brings out Jim Duggan to do commentary on the first match. You know Duggan is happy to be on a show with a theme of Stars and Stripes.

The Rockers are ready for the opening match and aren’t worried about Bobby Heenan at ringside.

Rockers vs. Barbarian/Haku

So much for Heenan finding new members of the Family. Barbarian now has fur trunks, a fur cape and antlers, only one of which he wears during the match. I’ll let you figure out which of them that is. Shawn and Haku get things going with Shawn’s speed not working very well to start. Instead it’s a flying shoulder for two on Haku in a rare display of power from Shawn. Marty comes in to try some tandem offense but Barbarian runs them over with a double clothesline.

The Rockers come back with some dropkicks though and Heenan takes a break for a meeting. Back in and Barbarian uses the power to take over on Marty but Shawn helps his partner with a hurricanrana to take over. They try the same thing on Haku but this time the referee holds Shawn out, allowing Barbarian to come in and snap Marty’s throat across the top.

After another quick beating, Marty gets in a quick cross body for a breather. Barbarian breaks up the tag attempt though and it’s time for the bearhug. Marty fights out but dives off the middle rope and right into an awesome powerslam. He’s still able to roll away from a top rope headbutt though and there’s the tag to Shawn. Everything breaks down and a Marty missile dropkick sets up a Shawn high cross body to put Haku away at 10:33.

Rating: B. This is a perfect opening match as they were in and out of there fast enough but got in almost everything that they needed to do. The Rockers were awesome at this point and Haku/Barbarian were great foils for them with the power vs. speed dynamic. It holds up well and is still one of the better opening matches, especially considering it really doesn’t mean anything but still got the crowd fired up.

It’s already celebrity time as Gene is backstage with Regis Philbin, Alex Trebek and Marla Maples (Donald Trump’s girlfriend at the time). Regis talks about meeting some wrestlers for his talk show and he likes being a guest for a change. Earthquake scares him though. Gene: “Regis, you’re beautiful.” Marla doesn’t have anything of note to say and Alex makes the Jeopardy jokes you would expect him to make.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Tornado, also known as Kerry Von Erich, is a huge star from Dallas who had more drug problems than should be humanly possible. He’s reaching the end of his very short shelf life already so this isn’t likely to work well. Bravo clotheslines Tornado to the floor before he can even get his robe off but Tornado comes back with a failed claw (his finishing hold) attempt. Tornado ducks some clotheslines but walks into the side suplex for two. A bad looking middle rope chop to the back has Tornado in more trouble but he catches Bravo in the claw, followed by the Tornado Punch (exactly what it sounds like) for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D-. Not a good match here in the slightest with both guys looking sluggish and not really excited to be out there. This is another filler match, though these are starting to get fewer and further between, at least compared to a few years ago. In your depressing moment of the show, both of these two will be dead in less than two years.

Slick says his Warlord (now bald and without facepaint, making him look far more intimidating) is ready to fix the British Bulldog. The idea is that the Bulldog can’t escape the full nelson.

British Bulldog says he can powerslam the Warlord and his mascot Winston (a dog) says there’s no bull in this Bulldog. So Bulldog can speak canine. That’s quite the low level superpower.

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

This is the solo version of the Bulldog who is even bigger and stronger than he was before. Bulldog starts fast with some hard shoulders to send Warlord outside. Back in and Warlord drops backwards to break up the crucifix attempt as Heenan is already getting on Gorilla’s nerves.

We hit the required bearhug before Warlord opts to just pound Bulldog in the back with heavy forearms. A nice belly to belly nice dropkick to the chest (since when could he jump like that?) followed by a sunset flip for two. Warlord comes back with the full nelson but he can’t get the fingers locked. Just like Billy Jack Haynes four years ago, Bulldog breaks the incomplete hold, followed by a quick powerslam to pin Warlord at 8:11.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here as Warlord was fine as a dragon for Bulldog to slay. This is a good example of a match where they went step by step in a very basic idea but the execution was good enough to make what should have been a disaster into something totally watchable.

Jimmy Hart has his Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) ready to win the Tag Team Titles. The Nasty Boys were a hot act in WCW in late 1989 so of course the company didn’t bother to sign them to contracts and they were in the WWF in January.

The Hart Foundation say the Nasty Boys are already at the bottom and they’re going even lower.

Macaulay Culkin is here.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Harts are defending. Jimmy Hart is wearing a helmet for reasons that aren’t clear though it might be to protect himself from injury. Jerry and Bret start things off with Hart nailing a Thesz press and some right hands. So that’s where Austin learned it. It’s off to Knobbs vs. Neidhart with Jim going off with forearms to the chest in the corner. We hit the armbar for a bit before it’s off to Bret for right hands to Jerry’s head.

The Russian legsweep (not a neckbreaker Gorilla) sets up the middle rope elbow for two but Knobbs gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over. A hard whip sends Bret into the corner as the announcers debate the main event. Off to a reverse chinlock from Sags before Knobbs comes in for the same hold. Jerry comes in for another one as they’re switching in and out very quickly. Brian hooks his second version but Bret gets up and drops Knobbs onto his back for the break.

The referee doesn’t see the tag though and Bret’s punishment continues. Knobbs hits Sags by mistake though and NOW the tag counts. A quick powerslam gets two on Knobbs and everything breaks down. The Nasty Boys collide again and there’s the Hart Attack to Knobbs but Jimmy throws in the helmet, allowing Sags to knock cold, giving Knobbs the pin at 12:10.

Rating: C+. Simple idea here and a good way to get the titles on the Nasty Boys. They may not have been as polished as the Harts but they’re entertaining brawlers who can put on a good enough match to validate holding the titles. This was it for the Harts as they would amicably split (a rare thing in wrestling) and Bret would be in the singles ranks by the end of the summer.

We recap Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts. Last year, Martel had sprayed the snake bag with cologne but hit Jake in the eye as well, blinding him for several months. Jake was still blind until the new year but he kept going after Martel. Tonight it’s a blindfold match with both guys wrestling under a hood.

Jake says a man has five senses but a snake has six: they always do it better in the dark. That’s a sense?

Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts

As the hoods are being put on, Jake sticks his hand underneath his, allowing us to clearly see the hole allowing them to see. So much for the gimmick working here. They can’t find each other for the first minute but Martel trips over Jake. Some stuff on the mat goes nowhere so Martel loads up a backdrop, only to have Jake step to the side. There’s your proof that they can see in case the big hole in the hood wasn’t enough for you.

More “blind” searching ensues and they miss charges. Martel finds him for a slam but misses an elbow drop. We’re almost four minutes into this and there’s been about fifteen seconds of contact. The referee gets cornered in the corner but Martel realizes he’s got a shirt in his hands. Jake starts clapping his hands to get Martel’s attention before circling around to catch him. This gives us another ten seconds of contact as the fans want a DDT. I’d settle for a right hand at this point.

Martel finds the snake bag and backs away right into Jake….who still can’t get his hands on him. The bored Gorilla and Heenan do a not very funny bit where Heenan keeps repeating him until a shoulder knocks Jake to the floor. Heenan: “Excuse me for a second. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!” Rick gets a chair but hits the post by mistake while Jake is sitting in the ring. Roberts pulls him back in but Martel hits a quick backbreaker to set up the Boston crab. That goes nowhere so Jake grabs him for the DDT and the pin at 8:33.

Rating: F-. This is one of the worst matches in wrestling history, let alone just Wrestlemania. They stumbled around for eight minutes and had less than a minute of “action” in the whole thing. Martel never even cheated. There’s a dozen ways to make this work for a heel but they just did it straight (well as straight as you can do when you see Jake’s hand inside the match at the start) and wasted everyone’s time. Awful “match”.

Post match Jake destroys the cologne atomizer and puts Damien on Rick.

Maples is in Jimmy Hart’s team’s locker room for the Nasty Boys’ celebration. Calamity ensues so she throws it back to Gene, meaning Gorilla.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Undertaker

Here we go. Undertaker is completely different than anything else in the company at this point and probably ever as he plays the character perfectly, walking stoically to the ring while Paul Bearer has this disturbing look on his face. Snuka, now with a mustache and goatee, turns his back on Undertaker and gets beaten down, followed by Undertaker just ripping at his face. Jimmy goes to the apron but gets suplexed back inside. The fans are openly cheering for Undertaker here as Snuka’s offense has almost no effect. The tombstone makes Snuka victim #1 at 4:19.

Rating: D. The match was nothing to see and no one had any idea of what this would lead to. Undertaker was clearly a star from the second he walked through the curtain last year at Survivor Series though and he’s still going twenty five years later. Snuka was the designated victim here, which is the role he had been playing for years.

Notice what Heenan said when Undertaker won: “THAT’S JIMMY SUPERFLY SNUKA!” Yes, the same Snuka who has been living on his reputation for years now. That’s one of the most valuable things you can have on a roster. Snuka never has to win another match and his reputation makes beating him mean something. It’s job security for Snuka and a great way to put over someone young and new. Bad match, good booking.

We recap Savage vs. Warrior, which started over the WWF World Title and is now career vs. career.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Before we get going, Heenan spots Elizabeth in the crowd. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Bobby is drooling over Queen Sherri and Savage looks fired up. Warrior actually walks to the ring to really sell how serious this is for everyone. Warrior’s trunks have a picture of the WWF World Title on the back with the words “means more than this” wrapped around it. That’s a nice touch.

Savage gets thrown around to start and it’s time to chill on the floor for a second. Back in and Warrior lifts him up by the throat but he’s still keeping things slow paced. Sherri’s attempt at interference fails and Savage gets tied up in the ropes to continue the beating. Savage finally gets in some offense with a running clothesline as Gorilla compares their careers.

Warrior catches a high cross body in midair but just sets Savage down and slaps him in the face. With nothing else working, Savage throws in a chair but even that doesn’t work as Warrior throws him down again. More stomping has Savage in trouble as we cut to a concerned Elizabeth in the crowd. They’re still in first or second gear and this has been almost all Warrior so far. Savage finally gets smart by avoiding a charge in the corner, sending Warrior crashing down to the floor.

Sherri rakes his back so Warrior casually shoves her down but Savage sends him into the post. A backslide gets two for Savage and he freaks out even more than usual. Warrior runs the ropes and tries a flying shoulder…..while Savage is down on his hands and knees. He deserves to crash and burn as well as the sleeper from Randy. Back up and it’s a double clothesline. This has been a chess match so far and the fans are staying with them every second to make the atmosphere even better.

Sherri’s distraction keeps the referee from seeing a small package and Savage kicks out. Warrior’s shoulder hits the referee by mistake but Sherri comes off the top with a shoe to Savage’s face by mistake. Savage guillotines him across the top rope and drops the top rope elbow. That’s not enough as he goes up top for another one. Savage isn’t done yet as he drops THREE MORE ELBOWS….for two.

Warrior fights up again and hits three straight clotheslines followed by the gorilla press and splash…..for two. Warrior starts talking to his hands and asking if this is his destiny. Savage decks him from behind but his top rope ax handle sends him crashing into the barricade. Randy is out of it so Warrior (“NOW I KNOW!”) throws him back inside for a flying shoulder block, sending him out to the floor again. He does it two more times and Savage is DONE, allowing Warrior to put his foot on the chest for the pin at 20:50.

Rating: A. This was a war and Warrior’s best match by a thousand miles. The crowd hung with them every step of the way here and the drama was amazing. It’s a rare case where words don’t do a match justice and you just need to see it for yourselves. The action is great but it’s the atmosphere that carries the whole thing. This is more than worth seeing if you haven’t caught it before.

Post match Warrior leaves and Sherri explodes on Savage, blaming him for the loss and kicking him when he’s down. Elizabeth jumps the barricade and throws Sherri to the floor as Savage gets up. Savage gets up and turns around…..and is stunned. The referee tells Savage that Sherri was the one beating on him and he has no idea what to do.

Elizabeth opens her arms and Savage hugs her, finally reuniting with his true love who still loved him after he lost everything he had. Savage puts her on his shoulder like he would do in the old days as we see fans crying everywhere. Elizabeth holds the ropes open but he says not this time and holds them open for her for the first time ever, showing that he’s a changed man.

Savage takes one last bow before leaving with the only thing that matters to him. This is one of the most perfect moments to cap off one of the best long term stories the company has ever put together. Also of note: this wasn’t his full on face turn. Savage would do commentary for a few months and was still a heel for a long stretch.

It’s intermission so let’s go to……a debate on instant replay? This is a reference to the NFL debating the issue recently and I have no idea why this is here. Vince moderates the discussion between George Steinbrenner (New York Yankees owner) and Paul Maguire (NFL analyst) over Randy Savage interfering at the Royal Rumble.

Steinbrenner wants the referees fired if they take too much time to make a call and Maguire wants the guys to wrestle. Maguire insults Steinbrenner under his breath and we go to the replay to see if he really did it. The referee are the Bushwhackers (who else?) but they say it’s inconclusive and therefore the play stands. This really, really wasn’t funny and Heenan’s face in his hands sums up the whole thing.

After that, we have a five minute intermission, meaning we just sit around waiting for five minutes. Well it’s better than lame “comedy”.

Gorilla and Heenan preview the rest of the show.

Undertaker measures Regis for a coffin. Regis: “We’re dying out here.”

Demolition, now just Smash and Crush (replacement for Ax) and heels, tells Alex Trebek that only Mr. Fuji (their manager again) has all the answers.

Regis is with Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao, who don’t speak English. He tries Toyota but they think he’s Kathy Lee Gifford.

Jake and Damien freak Trebek out. Damien will have to settle for the home version of Jeopardy. Heenan takes credit for setting the whole thing up.

Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

This is part of a cross promotional deal with Tenryu’s SWS promotion. It’s a brawl to start with Smash and Crush pounding Kitao down to start. Crush drops a top rope ax handle to the ribs as the crowd really isn’t into this as they have no idea who the newcomers are. Heenan thinks Kitao’s first name is Fred as he clotheslines Smash down and makes the tag to Tenryu. Smash rolls away from a backwards top rope elbow and everything breaks down. Kitao breaks up the Decapitator and Tenryu powerbombs Smash for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D-. The crowd was silent here and it’s really not had to see why. Demolition was WAY past their expiration date and this would be their last match as a team before it was off to the singles ranks. This didn’t work as a match though and the Japanese guys would be gone right after this, never to be seen again save for some one off Royal Rumble appearances for Tenryu.

Heenan leaves to manage Mr. Perfect in the next match and will be replaced by Lord Alfred Hayes.

Big Boss Man is ready to take the Intercontinental Title to complete his revenge on Heenan for insulting Boss Man’s mama. Can you blame him for being mad in that case? Boss Man has run through the entire Heenan Family and only Perfect is left. Again: simple, yet effective. Side note: it really is amazing to see how much weight Boss Man has lost in the last two years. He’s probably down 100lbs.

Heenan and Perfect call Boss Man Barney Fife and reference the Rodney King beatings, which had taken place just three weeks earlier.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is challenging and knocks Perfect over the top rope with a single right hand. Back in and he swings Perfect around BY THE HAIR. Freaking ow man! Perfect avoids a charge in the corner but gets whipped so hard that he flips forward in a crash. Boss Man whips him with a belt (the referee is fine with this of course) but Perfect wraps the belt around his fist for a shot to the ribs.

We hit an abdominal stretch on the challenger and Heenan tells the timekeeper to ring the bell. The PerfectPlex is countered into a small package for two but a reverse Hennig neck snap (kind of a running Blockbuster) gets two. Perfect is nice enough to go up top for the dive into the raised boot that was clearly designed as a way for him to dive into a raised boot.

Boss Man crotches him against the post but Perfect whips him hard into the steps to take over again. Heenan gets in some cheap shots….and here’s Andre, who is moving better than he has in years. In the distraction, Perfect takes the turnbuckle pad off but Andre hits him in the head with the title belt. Boss Man makes a slow cover but here are Barbarian and Haku for the DQ at 10:14.

Rating: C+. To this day I have no idea why they didn’t change the title here. Boss Man running through the Heenan Family and winning the title should have written itself but they went with the DQ finish instead for some reason. Andre wouldn’t be back after this but it was nice to see him get to do something fun one last time.

Andre helps Boss Man clean house. Boss Man grabs Andre’s shoulders from behind and Andre looks like he wants to kill him.

Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno (the reason Hulk Hogan got his name. They were on a talk show once and Hogan was said to be bigger than the actor who played the Incredible Hulk) and Henry Winkler (who once played a wrestler) are all here. Fonzie just made the show.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine did a really quick face turn to set this up, despite no one really wanting to see it in the first place. A quick powerslam puts Hammer down but he comes back with some chops in the corner. Heenan, back on commentary, is wondering how Andre could have been here. An elbow to the head staggers Earthquake and a middle rope chop actually puts him down. The Figure Four doesn’t work and it’s the Earthquake Splash for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D. This is another match that could have been cut out to get the time down a little bit. Valentine is an old standard at Wrestlemania but that doesn’t mean he needs to be getting a match this late in the show in 1991. Earthquake has fallen down the card a bit but he’s still fine for a midcard act.

The Legion of Doom (I’m going to assume you’ve heard of them) blames Power and Glory for their lack of Tag Team Titles. After tonight, they’re going to be sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Power and Glory is Hercules and Paul Roma. Hawk clotheslines them down to start and Roma dives into a powerslam. The Doomsday Device puts Roma away in 59 seconds. Well that worked.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Virgil FINALLY had enough of DiBiase treating him like garbage at the Royal Rumble. Roddy Piper, recently injured in a motorcycle accident, has been mentoring and coaching Virgil for the match.

Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

Virgil dances around like a boxer to start and punches DiBiase to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor again but Virgil sends him back inside. They get in again and Virgil takes him to the mat as this is still in first gear. Gorilla and Heenan talk about this being the largest pay per view audience in history (right) as DiBiase chops away in the corner. A piledriver gets two for Ted and a pair of suplexes gets the same. DiBiase remembers that he used to be really evil and shoves Piper down but Piper uses the crutch to low bridge him to the floor to give Virgil a countout win at 7:37.

Rating: D+. This was more of a feel good moment than anything else but it fell really flat with the countout (DiBiase’s third match in a row to end in a countout) instead of DiBiase getting rolled up for a pin. Virgil would pretty much max out here as after this he didn’t have any character and just kind of floated around.

DiBiase beats Virgil down post match and Queen Sherri runs in to become Ted’s new manager. They do a number on Piper’s bad knee but Virgil gets the crutch to make the save. Virgil tells Piper to be a man and get up, just like Piper told him to do multiple times. It’s more bad execution of a good idea.

We look at Sgt. Slaughter and his boss General Adnan (longtime heel manager Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie) burning a Hogan shirt.

Slaughter and Adnan say Hogan is playing by their rules. We look at Slaughter beating up Hogan and Jim Duggan with a chair as part of these new rules. He might just get himself counted out or disqualified to keep the title. They’ve been teasing this idea all night.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Mountie is an evil Canadian mounted policeman played by Jacques Rougeau and managed by Jimmy Hart. Tito scores with an early atomic drop and a right hand but a Jimmy distraction lets Mountie get in his shock stick to Tito’s ribs for the pin at 1:20. Nothing but filler. Gorilla: “That will go in the record books as a victory for the Mountie but not for anyone who viewed it.”

Hogan says he has secret weapons to deal with Slaughter’s ground warfare. He isn’t pleased with Slaughter for beating him down and putting him in the camel clutch. Hogan isn’t the same man he was just a week ago but he’s doing it for AMERICA tonight.

Trebek is guest ring announcer, Maples is guest timekeeper and Regis is on commentary.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is challenging and naturally comes out with the American flag. The champ stalls to start and is content to do so for the first minute and a half. A lockup takes them into the corner and neither can get an advantage. Hulk eventually shoves him down before grabbing a headlock. A shoulder sends Slaughter into the ropes for some of his great selling.

Adnan offers a distraction so Slaughter hits Hogan in the back with a chair for an attempt at a DQ. The referee is fine with the chair but Hogan doesn’t sell it anyway. Slaughter’s thumb to the eye works a bit better but he misses an elbow drop. A forearm to the head gets two for Hulk (how rare is it for him to get a near fall?) and he sends Slaughter chest first into the buckle. Hulk slingshots him into the post and it’s time for some right hands in the corner. This has been almost all Hogan so far.

Hogan actually goes to the middle rope but Slaughter punches him out of the air. That goes nowhere either so Hogan goes all the way to the top (!), only to get slammed right back down. Another chair shot is ignored by the referee so Slaughter chokes with a camera cable. Back in and Slaughter starts in on the back to set up the camel clutch.

First up though is a Boston crab but Hogan is all of three inches away from the ropes. A top rope stomp to the back (that looked dangerous) looks to pin Hogan but Adnan is on the apron for absolutely no logical reason. Try domestic help next time Sarge. There’s a chair to the head and Hulk is busted open, a rare thing at this point. The camel clutch goes on but Slaughter would rather cover him with the Iraqi flag. Of course you know this means war and it’s Hulk Up time. The legdrop gives Hulk the title back at 20:23, making him the first three time WWF World Champion.

Rating: C+. Aside from being the most obvious ending in the world, this was a fine Wrestlemania main event. Hogan winning made sense, even if the Gulf War had been over for about a month at this point. Slaughter was fine for a one off title reign as the turncoat worked well enough. Not a classic or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do.

A lot of posing and flag waving take us out.

Overall Rating: B-. If you cut out about forty five minutes of filler, this becomes a minor classic. The wrestling is actually quite good here with a fun opener, good title matches and a classic in the middle. There’s still too much filler though and it really drags down what is still a fun show. It also has a much more feel good tone to it and the show felt a lot lighter than the previous years. The wrestling helps carry this one and it’s actually a hidden semi-gem.

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C-

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F-

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: F+

2015 Redo: D

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C

2013 Redo: B-

Overall Rating: B-

I’ve always had a soft spot for this show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/14/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-7-wrestlemania-goes-patriotic/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/16/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vii-no-that-isnt-a-tear-in-my-eye/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania VI
Date: April 1, 1990
Location: Skydome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 67,678
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon

This year’s main event, billed as the Ultimate Challenge, is more than enough to carry the show. It’s title for title with Hogan’s WWF World and Warrior’s Intercontinental Titles both on the line in one of the only times that Hogan would lower himself to go after the midcard title. There’s nothing else on this card worth mentioning so let’s get to it.

The opening video is a really cool concept as it shows Hogan and Warrior as constellations in the sky. They’re the most powerful forces in the universe and they face off tonight. I’ve always liked that.

Robert Goulet sings O Canada for a change of pace from the previous years.

The arena looks much brighter and more modern this year. It’s a striking change.

Koko B. Ware vs. Rick Martel

The ring carts are back for unfortunately their final appearance. This should be an interesting dynamic as Martel is from Canada (though that might not be very well known here and he’s billed from Florida) but is a heel now, as well as a model. We actually get an old school weapons check but Martel jumps Ware like a true villain should. Koko’s middle rope cross body gets two and things speed way up. A backdrop and clothesline send Martel outside but he comes back in and throws Martel over the top. See, real Canadians only need one move where Americans need two. It’s a patriotism thing.

Back in and we get a light BORING chant. Come on people we’re not even ten minutes in. Martel gets two off a suplex and starts in on the back to set up his Boston crab. Koko shrugs off a ram into the buckle and starts back with shoulders and dropkicks. No one ever accused him of having a complex offense. Ware tries another cross body out of the corner but Martel is ready for him this time. I love it when someone learns during a match. The Boston crab makes Koko give up at 5:30.

Rating: D+. Pretty nothing match here and another odd choice for an opener. It’s not a good sign when they’re already into the filler matches and we’re only a single match into the show. Martel was fine for a midcarder who could work a good match and Koko could fire up a crowd but this was a glorified squash for Rick.

Gene refers to the Colossal Connection (Andre the Giant and Haku, the Tag Team Champions) as the Colostomy Connection. Heenan: “Well if you want to talk evacuation…” Basically the champs are ready for their rematch with Demolition. Gene: “The Colossal Connection: they’re anything but regular guys.”

Ax says he wants to chop Andre down and shout TIMBER! That’s not bad, but Smash wants to throw Andre in the back of a semitrailer and drive him off a cliff. Sean Mooney: “This is starting to sound like a demolition derby!” Ax: “Now you’re getting the idea.”

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Colossal Connection

The Connection is defending but don’t even get an entrance. It’s a brawl to start and the champs take over until it settles down to Smash vs. Haku. This goes better for Demolition as Smash wins a slugout and brings in Ax, who makes the mistake of taunting Andre. Well to be fair he might have just wanted a Machines reunion (Ax had been one of the Machines back in 1986 when Andre was suspended).

Andre’s interference actually doesn’t get them very far though so it’s Haku poking Smash in the eye to take over. A nice thrust to the throat puts Ax down and Haku hits a backbreaker to keep him in trouble. Andre sneaks in a headbutt (how can a giant sneak in anything?) to give Haku a near fall and a thumb to the eye stops Ax’s comeback. We get a wide shot of the arena and as usual it’s quite the visual. It’s off to the nerve hold but Smash makes the mistake of trying to come in, allowing Andre to choke with the tag rope in the corner.

There’s a shoulder breaker for two but Haku charges into a raised boot in the corner. The hot tag brings in Smash and the fans are way behind this. Something like a cross body/ax handle get two for Smash and a double clothesline puts Andre down in the corner. Haku superkicks Andre by mistake to tie him up in the ropes, setting up the Decapitator to give Demolition the titles back at 9:15. Andre was never legally in the match.

Rating: C+. I had a good time with this and the fans were WAY into Demolition, even though this was pretty much their last hurrah. Andre was beyond a shell of himself at this point and it was sad to see him just standing on the apron and getting in a shot where he could. This would also be his last televised match in the WWF and that’s probably best for everyone all around.

Post match Heenan loses his mind and blames Andre for the loss, poking him in the chest, dropping audible F bombs, and SLAPPING ANDRE IN THE FACE. Jesse and Gorilla think Heenan is about to die and Andre knocks him silly with a right hand. Haku’s superkick is easily caught and Andre beats him up too. Heenan and Haku try to get on the cart but Andre pulls them off and beats them up again before taking the cart for himself in one last face turn for the road.

A new monster called Earthquake (6’8 and 468lbs, he’s from Canada and was called Canadian Earthquake until this show for obvious reasons) and his manager Jimmy Hart predict an earthquake right here in Toronto. Earthquake promises that Hercules will feel the tremors.

Earthquake vs. Hercules

Earthquake’s sneak attack doesn’t work and Hercules hammers away with left hands before dodging a charge in the corner. Back in and Earthquake asks for a test of strength which might actually work for him. Neither guy can get the advantage so Hercules tries some shoulders and the big guy (as opposed to the guy who isn’t 6’1 and 270lbs) is staggered. Like a moron, Hercules tries the backbreaker, meaning a torture rack, and Earthquake elbows him in the back of the head. The Earthquake splash (running sitdown splash) is enough to pin Hercules at 4:53.

Rating: D. No one ever accused Hercules of being smart but come on now with that backbreaker attempt. Hercules would be moved into a heel tag team soon after this and that was certainly better for everyone involved. He played his role well enough and was a good choice for a midcard power wrestler.

Earthquake gives him another splash for good measure. Hercules becomes one of the first victims to not leave on a stretcher.

Celebrity gossip columnist Rona Barrett (they’re REALLY stretching for celebrities now) interviews Elizabeth and asks where she’s been. Basically Elizabeth has been gone for most of the year, save for a few appearances here and there. She says if she comes back, it will be in a much more physical role.

Brutus Beefcake is looking at Mr. Perfect’s record and sees that it’s really impressive. No one is perfect though and that record isn’t going to look as good after their match.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

Perfect now has The Genius (Randy Savage’s real life brother Lanny Poffo, a talented wrestler in his own right) as his manager. Jesse: “I can’t lose in Hollywood. I’ve got Paul Newman’s eyes, Kurt Douglas’ chin and Robert Duvall’s haircut.” This is a result of Beefcake beating Genius at the Royal Rumble and then getting attacked by Mr. Perfect, which the fans are just expected to know because it’s not mentioned by the commentators. They slug it out in the corner to start until Beefcake knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Brutus atomic drops him right back to the floor.

It’s time to start working on Perfect’s back with some hard whips for the awesome selling. We see TV legend Mary Tyler Moore in the front row, making this show a hundred times classier. Genius gets on the apron for a distraction and drops his metal scroll so Perfect can knock him out. The neck snap gets a slow two as it’s time to talk about Mr. Perfect’s dad Larry Hennig, who even Gorilla sounds scared of. Beefcake grabs Perfect’s ankle ala Hogan before catapulting Perfect face first into the post, ala almost every match Perfect ever has, for the big surprise pin at 7:47.

Rating: C. It was better than Beefcake’s match last year but that was a really sudden ending, especially for Perfect’s first televised loss. Perfect was in a weird spot at this point as he clearly wasn’t a World Title contender but he wasn’t around the Intercontinental Title picture yet. Brutus continues to be more charisma than ability and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Post match Brutus puts Genius to sleep and cuts his hair to really end this feud.

Clip from the Royal Rumble of Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown eliminating each other and brawling to the back. Then Brown called it a skirt and you know it’s on.

Here’s the infamous part of this show as we get an interview from Roddy Piper, who is in half blackface. The white side is Hot Rod and the black side is Hot Scot. I think this was supposed to be a Michael Jackson thing (he even does a little Billie Jean) but it’s far more bizarre than anything else. Piper says he has a big mouth and Brown has bug eyes.

Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown

The bell rings and let’s look at the crowd for the first twenty seconds or so. Piper dances a lot and they start grappling as this is another brawl instead of a match. The referee splits them up and Piper gets two off a cross body in probably the only wrestling move of the match. Brown starts punching and knocks Piper out of the corner before stopping for a nerve hold.

An elbow gets two for Brown but Roddy goes Three Stooges by poking him in the eye. The referee checks on Piper for something, allowing Brown to expose the buckle. Piper puts on a glove (more Michael Jackson stuff) and a bunch of right hands have Brown in trouble. They fight to the floor where Brown punches the post. Piper misses a chair shot though and it’s a double countout at 6:47.

Rating: C. This was a nutty brawl but everyone remembers the body paint instead of the match and that’s probably what Piper was shooting for. It’s not a good match or anything but it’s still entertaining and that’s something this show has been needing. Brown was an untapped talent but his character was years ahead of its time and didn’t really fit in the early 90s. Put him in the Attitude Era as an angry MMA character and it would have been gold.

They fight to the back as security can’t break it up.

Steve Allen (comedian and former host of the Tonight Show) is in the shower with his piano to play the Russian national anthem. After a few joke tries to get on the Bolsheviks’ nerves, he promises one from Mother Russia but a toilet flushes instead. Eh cute enough.

Hart Foundation vs. Bolsheviks

The Russians try to sing but get jumped, setting up the Hart Attack for the pin on Boris at 18 seconds for a new Wrestlemania record. The fans love it and the Harts are ready to challenge Demolition.

Wrestlemania VII is coming to the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum! No it isn’t but at least the ad was energetic.

Tito Santana vs. Barbarian

Santana is back to where he was before Strike Force which is probably best for everyone involved. Barbarian has Heenan in his corner. Jesse’s suggestion for Tito: give Barbarian one of his enchiladas and win by countout two minutes into the match. After Barbarian takes an early break on the floor he has to kick out of a cross body at two. Tito tries what looked to be a hurricanrana but opts to punch Barbarian down instead of flipping him over.

Barbarian kicks him in the face and hits a shoulder breaker but misses a middle rope elbow. Some dropkicks and a middle rope ax handle won’t put Barbarian down so Tito blasts him with the flying forearm. Heenan gets the foot on the rope though and offers a distraction leading to Barbarian decapitating Tito with a top rope clothesline for the pin at 4:33.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen worse than this but it still wasn’t much more than a Superstars main event. I don’t think anyone saw Barbarian as anything more than a midcard act but that’s why you bring in someone like Tito. If nothing else, that clothesline from Barbarian made the match worth its time.

We recap Randy Savage/Queen Sherri vs. Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire in a battle of royalty (Savage had won the crown late last year and had debuted Sherri as his Queen) vs. the common people (Dusty was known as the Common Man and Sapphire was his dancing manager). This started back on the Brother Love Show at the Royal Rumble where Love had insulted Sapphire and praised Sherri, triggering a brawl between then. The guys got involved and now we’re going to have the first mixed tag match in company history.

Dusty and Sapphire say they’ve got the crown jewel to deal with the King and Queen.

Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs. Randy Savage/Queen Sherri

The genders have to match here. Savage is now in the long tights that he would wear for the rest of his career. Before the match, Dusty unveils the crown jewel as Miss Elizabeth to send Savage through the roof. Savage and Dusty start and Jesse begs the cameras not to film from behind Sapphire. Dusty throws Sherri at Savage and it’s off to Sapphire, who certainly isn’t a wrestler but does a decent airplane spin. Sherri smacks her in the face but can’t get a slam. It’s back to the guys and Dusty is kneed out to the floor so Sherri can get in a right hand.

There’s the ax handle from Savage but Sapphire gets in the way of a second. Jesse: “NAIL HER MACHO!” Ventura almost gets his wish as Savage shoves her down before throwing Dusty back inside. Sherri distracts the referee so Savage can get in a scepter shot to the back (Jesse: “DING!”).

Sherri’s top rope splash gets two on Rhodes as the rules are thrown out the window. Sapphire comes back in again (Jesse: “She’s a little bottom heavy isn’t she?”) and throws Sherri to the floor but Elizabeth throws her right back in. Everything breaks down again and Sherri reaches for Liz, only to get shoved into a rollup from Sapphire for the pin at 7:31.

Rating: C-. The match was bad but it was more than entertaining enough to get by. Dusty was the kind of guy who could make anything entertaining and his chemistry with Savage was always fantastic. It’s not a good match or anything but it’s the kind of entertainment that works just well enough to get by.

Dusty, Sapphire and Elizabeth dance. This was one of Elizabeth’s final appearances for a long time.

Intermission time.

Wrestlemania VII ad.

Gene is with Bobby and compares him to a visiting mother in law. Heenan rants about Andre turning on the family. Gene: “Where do you have the ba…..the nerve to slap Andre the Giant?” Heenan says he’s starting a new Heenan Family with members who will listen.

Rona Barrett implies she has an adult video of Jesse but it’s not allowed to be shown. This is never mentioned again.

Savage says he and Sherri aren’t done with Dusty and Elizabeth.

Demolition is ready for the Hart Foundation.

Jesse and Gorilla throw it back to ringside but it’s off to a Hogan interview instead. That’s a rare miss for Gorilla. Or it’s an edit.

Hogan talks about arriving in Toronto and how tonight could be the final night of Warrior’s life if he breathes his final breath into Hulk’s body. He can save the Warrior and his Little Warriors from the darkness and bring them into the light. That covers his annual “I can save your soul” line but it reached a new level of insanity, even for him. Hogan makes sure to point out that it doesn’t matter whether you win or whether you lose, which pretty much spoiled the ending.

Warrior throws Sean Mooney out of his locker room because he doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air that Warrior and Hogan breathe. The Warriors have been questioning where Hulk Hogan is taking them and perhaps he should step into the darkness. The darkness is nothing to fear because Hogan has lived the last five Wrestlemanias to reach this moment.

Warrior comes not to destroy Hulkamania but to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one. The strength of the Hulkamaniacs is coming through the pores of his skin. He has come to do no one no harm but to take what they both believe in to places it shall never have been. Uh…..yeah that’s what I was thinking too.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express is Sato and Tanaka, a Japanese team (Tanaka was from Hawaii but it’s an old wrestling trope) and this could be very entertaining stuff. Tanaka superkicks Marty to start but a quick powerslam is enough to bring Shawn in for some patented double teaming. The Rockers hit stereo planchas to the floor and the fans are right back into this.

Back in and Fuji low bridges Marty to the floor with his cane (some things never change) and the villains take over. Some double stomping have Marty in even more trouble and it’s time for martial arts. Marty lands on his feet out of a backdrop though and brings in Shawn for a (mostly missed) double superkick. To be fair the Rockers are probably hung over again as they so often were.

Tanaka cheats from the apron and it’s a big flying forearm to put Shawn down again. It’s time for the traditional Japanese nerve hold from Sato but a clothesline gets Shawn out of trouble. Marty comes back in to clean house and everything breaks down again. Fuji breaks up the top rope double fist drop though and Marty goes after him with the cane. The distraction works though as Sato throws salt in Marty’s eyes and it’s a countout at 7:35.

Rating: C+. These teams would have far better matches together, including a classic at the 1991 Royal Rumble, but this is still more entertaining than almost anything else on the show so far. This was a perfect choice for the first match back from intermission as they hit the ground running and brought the crowd right back to life. Well done.

Steve Allen is with Rhythm and Blues (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine, now as a regular tag team and also a band) who will be performing tonight. Allen thinks this is going to be as big as when Tiny Tim played the Vince Lombardi rest stop.

Dino Bravo vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan comes out with an American flag to face the Canadian wrestler. Jesse sees it for the stupid idea that it is but of course Monsoon thinks it’s fine. Gorilla continues his rare trend of stupid comments as he thinks Earthquake should be ejected because you can’t have a wrestler’s license and a manager’s license at the same time. Why he never brought this up all the times Heenan got in the ring isn’t clear but maybe it’s the Canadian air.

Bravo shoves him around to start but Duggan punches him in the face for his efforts. A bunch of right hands in the corner have Bravo in even more trouble but he stops to shove the referee. Jesse: “HE SHOVED A REFEREE!” Gorilla: “Really? I didn’t see that.” Jesse: “….what.” It wasn’t even a question but rather Jesse just being annoyed at Monsoon. Earthquake gets in some cheap shots from the floor and Bravo takes over.

Like a truly stupid villain though, he tries to ram Duggan’s head into the buckle and Jim comes back with even more right hands. He’s nice enough to mix it up with some clotheslines but Earthquake breaks up the Three Point Clothesline (which is totally different than the regular clotheslines. This one is out of a three point stance you see). The referee yells at Earthquake and it’s a 2×4 shot to Bravo for the pin at 4:15.

Rating: D-. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Monsoon was really getting on my nerves here. He came off like a heel commentator in reverse with the same lack of common sense or logic that you almost never heard from him, at least not in one match. The match itself was what you would expect from these two but at least it was short.

Earthquake sits on Duggan’s chest three times in a row for some revenge.

We recap Ted DiBiase vs. Jake Roberts, which started last year and is still going now. They’ve been attacking each other ever since and Jake has had his eyes on the Million Dollar Title.

Roberts says this is the biggest match of DiBiase’s career because everything Ted stands for is on the line. Jake brings up Ted humiliating people who needed the money he was offering them and promises to humiliate DiBiase for a change.

Million Dollar Title: Jake Roberts vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase is defending of course but the title is only kind of official. Jake starts fast with a shoulder and knee lift but DiBiase bails to the floor to run from the DDT. They do the same sequence again and the stalling continues. Jake gets him back inside and starts working on the arm with a bunch of knee drops followed by a hammerlock. Gorilla and Jesse argue over what Jake is working on until Jake leverages DiBiase out to the floor in a nice counter.

The running knee lift misses though as the announcers keep up a running joke about Gorilla eating a lot of hot dogs. They’ve been going on about that for three matches now and it’s not very funny. DiBiase slaps on a front facelock and the fans start doing the Wave. Ted throws him to the floor as they’re not trying to do much as the fans are distracted. Back in and a piledriver to Jake calms things down but DiBiase takes his time to cover so it’s only good for two.

The Million Dollar Dream puts Jake down but he gets a foot on the rope for the save. It’s time for the comeback and the fans want the DDT. The short clothesline looks to set it up but Jake takes his time as well, allowing Virgil to pull Roberts to the floor. DiBiase follows him outside and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream again, which is good enough to give DiBiase the countout win at 11:53. Apparently that gives DiBiase the title back (not sanctioned so it can change hands on a countout) but was Jake even champion? Jake didn’t came out with the title but they’re treating it like a new champion.

Rating: C. More boring than bad here but that was often the case between these two. The Wave part in the middle didn’t do the match any favors and the match never really recovered. They needed to pick things up and stop waiting around so much but the match could have been far worse.

DiBiase holds up the title and Gorilla freaks out. Gorilla: “He doesn’t deserve it!” Jesse: “He paid for it!” Gorilla: “So?” Jesse: “People don’t deserve the things they pay for?” Also of note here: you can hear DiBiase’s music echoing through the dome for a weird effect. Jake goes after DiBiase and gets the DDT as Virgil runs off with the belt. Roberts gives away some of the money DiBiase dropped, including $100 to Mary Tyler Moore. He gets the snake out but Virgil pulls DiBiase out to the floor.

Slick recaps the Twin Towers splitting, which started when Big Boss Man wouldn’t take money from DiBiase to get the Million Dollar Belt back because he lost it fair and square. So Jake WAS champion coming in? Anyway Akeem promises to crush Boss Man.

Boss Man calls DiBiase scum and he doesn’t take money from people like that. He’s poor but proud of a lot of things, including being an American. Again, shouldn’t that make him a heel here?

Akeem vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man’s face is terrifying as he rides the cart to the ring, even though he’s the good guy here. Before the bell, DiBiase pops out and attacks Boss Man, including sending him into the post. The referee is fine with all this and counts two off Akeem’s splash anyway. Something like an atomic drop out of the corner gets Boss Man out of trouble and he whips Akeem from buckle to buckle. The Boss Man Slam (and a good one at that) is enough to put Akeem away at 1:50.

The fans don’t like Rhythm and Blues but Mary Tyler Moore likes Wrestlemania.

Here are Rhythm and Blues to perform, complete with a gold record of Hunka Hunka Hunka Honky Love which hasn’t even been released yet. Of note: they’re driven out in a pink Cadillac with future WCW World Champion Diamond Dallas Page driving (it was his car). They even have Honkyettes to really make this amazing. The song is horrible as you would expect, even with real musician Jimmy Hart there as backup. Some vendors show up after the song but they’re the Bushwhackers in disguise. House is cleaned and the instruments are destroyed, meaning the house is dirty again.

The new attendance record of 67,678 (easy to remember at least) is announced. This is done in about twenty seconds.

Rick Rude vs. Jimmy Snuka

Steve Allen jumps in on commentary. Rude, with his hair slicked back and much shorter than in recent years, attacks from behind to start but Snuka holds the rope to avoid a dropkick. We get a hip swivel from the Superfly and a headbutt to the ribs has Rude in more trouble than it should. There’s a flying headbutt to put Rude down again but he’s able to break up the Superfly Splash. Jimmy misses the middle rope headbutt though and the Rude Awakening is enough for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D. Just a quick match to put Rude over as a tough guy before we FINALLY get to the main event. Snuka was nothing more than a jobber to the stars at this point and he still did that job quite well. Not a good match or anything but what do you expect in the death slot before the biggest match of the year?

We recap the main event with a clip from the Royal Rumble. Warrior and Hogan nearly came to blows after Warrior hit him by accident in a tag match on Saturday Night’s Main Event. That was about it for their drama though as they respect each other coming in.

WWF World Title/Intercontinental Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior

Title for title. The fans are WAY into this one as they come to life more than they have all night long. Warrior comes out first and stands on the corner as Hogan makes his entrance for an awesome visual. The crowd is totally split here. I don’t mean the WWE definition of totally split where it’s 70/30 at best. I mean it’s dead even here with both guys being equally loved.

They lock up to start and both guys are shoved into the corner. We get the iconic test of strength with Hogan going down first, only to fight back up and take Warrior down. They trade slams but it’s Warrior getting the better of it and clotheslining Hogan to the floor. Hulk comes up holding his knee and says he’s blown it out. He gets back in and Warrior kicks away at the knee but Hulk stops selling it about ten seconds later and it’s never mentioned again.

Hulk comes back with right hands and a clothesline in the corner as the fans are losing their minds over every single move. Off to a front facelock on Warrior (Jesse: “Ask Richard Belzer!” Belzer was a talk show host that Hogan put in a front facelock and knocked him unconscious, leading to a lawsuit. That’s quite the edgy reference.) before going back to just punching Warrior in the head. We hit the chinlock on Warrior and the fans are even into this.

A belly to back suplex gets two on Warrior and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up again and it’s a double clothesline to drop both guys. Jesse gets it right again by saying Hogan should be in better shape because he’s been in control for so long. Warrior gets up and starts shaking the ropes, setting up the running clotheslines. A suplex gets two on Hulk and we hit the bearhug. Two arm drops mean it’s time for Hogan’s comeback, only to have Warrior run over the referee. Warrior hits a pair of top rope ax handles but misses a shoulder and gets driven face first into the mat.

There’s no one to count so Warrior belly to back suplexes him for the same result. Hogan gets a VERY slow two off a rollup as the referee is only halfway back into it. Warrior is knocked to the floor but comes back in for the gorilla press. The splash connects but Hogan kicks out at two and it’s Hulk Up time. Warrior takes the big boot but the legdrop only hits mat, setting up the second splash to give Warrior the pin and the title at 22:50.

Rating: A. It’s still a classic. This is a match I’ve seen probably two dozen times over the years and I never get tired of it. The crowd carries it up to a higher level but it’s still a great battle of the titans on its own. Hogan losing clean is still a huge deal and felt like it was going to be a new era. We’ll get to that later but the match more than holds up and is one of the biggest matches in wrestling history.

Hogan is stunned and dejected at his first ever clean loss in the company. The referee brings Warrior both titles and the camera focuses on just Warrior so the WWF World Title can be returned to ringside, allowing Hogan to go get it. He hands it to Warrior and endorses the new champion before riding away in the card, leaving Warrior to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Just like in the main event, the crowd carries this show far higher. The show is roughly the same length as the previous year’s show but it’s far less boring and energetic to make the time go by faster. It definitely needed to be trimmed down but I can live with a long energetic show over a long and boring show where they’re just killing time until a not as great main event. This was a good kickoff to the new decade and a very fun show.

Ratings Comparison

Rick Martel vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Demolition vs. Colossal Connection

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C+

Earthquake vs. Hercules

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown

Original: A

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C

Hart Foundation vs. Bolsheviks

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Barbarian vs. Tito Santana

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire vs. Randy Savage/Sensational Sherri

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Orient Express vs. Rockers

Original: C

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Jim Duggan vs. Dino Bravo

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Ted Dibiase vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Big Boss Man vs. Akeem

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Rick Rude vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Why can’t I make up my mind on Brown vs. Piper?

Here’s the original review:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/13/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-6-epitome-of-a-one-match-show/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/15/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vi-the-ultimate-challenge/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania V
Date: April 2, 1989
Location: Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Attendance: 18,946
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon

It’s back to the same arena as last year for an even longer show. Yes after the marathon that was Wrestlemania IV, this show is actually a bit longer despite there being no tournament. The main event scene is really just a sequel to last year’s match though so the same setting makes sense. Let’s get to it.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin Robin (half sister of Jake Roberts) sings America the Beautiful and does a decent job. Jesse of course isn’t impressed and doesn’t bring up Donald Trump in the front row again this year.

King Haku vs. Hercules

This is as high as Haku ever got on his own as succeeded Race as the King due to Race’s injuries. This isn’t for the crown though and Hercules is now a face (Heenan had tried to sell him to DiBiase, who referred to Hercules as a slave. This didn’t sit well and Hercules claimed that he was his own man) in powder blue trunks. Haku jumps him from behind to start but Hercules comes back by throwing Haku into the air and just letting him crash to the mat.

Heenan’s advice doesn’t do Haku much good as Hercules drops some elbows but stops to walk around. A second Heenan distraction works a bit better though and Haku gets in some cheap shots to take over. Back in and we hit a bearhug on Hercules to fill in some time but he breaks free and gets two off a cross body. Some clotheslines set up something from the top but Haku gets up a good looking superkick to knock Hercules silly. Back up and Hercules grabs a belly to back suplex but rolls his shoulder up to pin Haku at 6:53.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match here but this was a strange choice for an opener. I mean did they really think that it made sense to push Hercules as something special? At the time they were actually pushing him as a third Mega Power, which meant “the guy that would take a fall in a six man” but it was really just in name only. This was a pretty pedestrian power match but that superkick to stop Hercules was a nice touch. Haku always had a good superkick and it was cool to see him use it, even in a nothing match like this.

The latest pretty boy tag team called the Rockers refer to themselves tag team specialists and say they’re ready for the Twin Towers (Akeem, formerly known as the One Man Gang and now a dancing African along with the 6’6 380lb Big Boss Man).

Rockers vs. Twin Towers

The Rockers are hungover beyond belief here. Boss Man goes after Marty (Jannetty, partner of Shawn Michaels in case you don’t know the Rockers) and gets decked by Shawn from behind. Shawn punches Akeem to get the big man’s attention before doing the same thing to the Boss Man. The Rockers start in on Akeem’s arm but he throws Marty into a bearhug from Boss Man and adds a standing splash to crush Jannetty between the two of them.

More splashes connect and the Towers’ manager Slick says they need a black referee. Why he wants this isn’t clear but he was shouting it pretty loudly. Marty finally avoids a charge to send the Towers together and Shawn gets the tag to help double team Akeem. They whip him across the ring over and over before a double shoulder gets two. It finally gets down to one on one and Akeem just ends Shawn with one of the hardest clotheslines I’ve ever seen. Jesse: “I think he irritated Akeem!”

Boss Man misses his top rope splash though and the Rockers double dropkick Akeem to the floor. They mostly miss stereo missile dropkicks to Boss Man and everything breaks down with Boss Man catching a diving Shawn in a spinning powerbomb. That awesome landing isn’t enough so it’s Air Africa (running splash) from Akeem for the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C+. This was fun for how well the Rockers bumped for the monsters here. That clothesline and the powerbomb to Shawn were particularly awesome as Shawn looked dead off both moves. The Twin Towers had just come off feuding with Hogan/Savage but for some reason it never led to the Tag Team Titles or even a serious shot at them.

DiBiase loves getting to be around the rich people in Atlantic City, even if he’s wrestling a commoner like Brutus Beefcake.

Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake

DiBiase’s Million Dollar Title (he couldn’t win the WWF World Title so he made his own) isn’t on the line because Brutus hasn’t earned a shot. Ted shakes hands with Trump before coming in and Donald seems intrigued by the belt. Brutus has his awesome theme music now and it makes his entrance a lot better. Virgil stays in the ring for the first minute or so of the match while DiBiase talks trash to Beefcake.

Brutus gets tired of waiting and backdrops DiBiase out to the floor, followed by some slams and a clothesline to put him right back to the floor. This really hasn’t been a good return to Wrestlemania for DiBiase. He’s already gone from the main event to the third match on the card and now he’s getting beaten up.

Back in and even more right hands stagger Ted until Virgil trips Brutus to give the boss an opening. A middle rope elbow gets two for DiBiase and a suplex sets up the Million Dollar Dream. Brutus grabs the rope and makes his comeback, sending Ted face first into the buckle ten straight times. DiBiase finally knocks Brutus to the floor where Virgil gets in a few shots. Ted follows and they brawl to a double countout at 9:57.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. There wasn’t much of a story to this one and they just did moves to each other for about ten minutes. It’s strange as these two would work well together with Brutus’ great charisma being able to power a sweet comeback. Brutus was never great but the fans loved him and he was adequate enough to work a passable and fun match. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case here but at least they tried.

Post match Brutus cleans house with the hedge clippers to claim a moral victory. As usual, Jesse is on point by calling that assault with a deadly weapon.

Earlier today the Bushwhackers were at the annual Wrestlemania brunch and ate a lot. This isn’t particularly funny.

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

The Rougeaus are now managed by Jimmy Hart and All American Boys from Memphis. Butch trips on the way to the ring (to be fair the aisle has steps) and Jesse accuses Gorilla of being drunk in the casino the other night. The Bushwhackers steal Jimmy’s jacket but the Rougeaus save it from being destroyed. So they are good for something. Jimmy gets inside to collect his jacket and gets crushed between the brothers to send him right back to the floor.

Luke and Raymond officially get going as Gorilla questions the Rougeaus being Americans just because they moved here. Jesse: “So as far as you’re concerned, tear down the Statue of Liberty?” That escalated quite quickly. The brothers double team to take over as Butch is being forced out of the ring and we get to the bizarre part of the match (yes the bizarre part of a Bushwhackers’ match). Raymond lifts Luke up for a slam and Luke intentionally rubs Raymond’s crotch. His hand moves up and down multiple times and that’s all it could have been. I’m guessing it was a rib but it’s quite the jarring visual.

Jacques puts on an abdominal stretch and Raymond flips in over the top for a superkick to Luke’s ribs. They stop to pose though, allowing Luke to crawl over to tag Butch, setting up the Battering Ram (Butch holds Luke’s head and drives him into the ribs) and a double stomach breaker to pin Raymond at 5:09.

Rating: D-. This was a comedy match minus most of the comedy. The Bushwhackers are the definition of a comedy team for kids and there’s nothing wrong with that. These teams feuded for the better part of ever and it was the same result almost every time. You could have cut this out and no one would have missed a thing. Well Raymond might have without that slam but I don’t want to think about that anymore.

The Bushwhackers lick interviewer Sean Mooney on their way up the aisle. Mooney: “Words cannot describe what it’s like to be licked by a Bushwhacker.” I speak from experience to agree with him.

Mr. Perfect vs. Blue Blazer

This is the debut of Perfect’s trademark singlet. Perfect trips on the same step that got Butch. Blazer is Owen Hart in a mask, meaning this has potential to be really good. Feeling out process to start with Perfect taking him into the corner and slapping him right in the mask. Blazer will have none of that and dropkicks Perfect over the top with Perfect doing his awesome bumping to get outside. A baseball slide (nowhere near common yet) staggers Perfect even more and there’s a second dropkick to put him down again.

Blazer’s top rope splash hits knees and Perfect finally gets a breather. These are quite the high spots for 1989. A reverse chinlock doesn’t get Perfect anywhere and Blazer gets two off a belly to belly. Blazer’s crucifix gets a VERY close two but Perfect just blasts him in the face with a forearm. The PerfectPlex ends Blazer at 5:51 and keeps Perfect’s record spotless.

Rating: C+. Good match here but they could have done something really special with more time and a more main event style. Blazer was an excellent high flier (especially for this time) and Perfect was already looking like a polished veteran. It’s not great but this was a fun match while it lasted.

Jesse is presented to the crowd for the third year in a row. For some reason Gorilla is surprised and says he was set up for this one.

Yesterday, Mr. Fuji ran a 5K in a tuxedo and snappy bowler hat while barely breaking a sweat. This is to prove that he’s ready for the handicap match for the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania as they try to make this mean something.

Run-DMC performs the Wrestlemania Rap. Was Gladys Knight busy this year?

We recap Demolition vs. the Powers of Pain (Warlord/Barbarian) which started back at the Survivor Series. Mr. Fuji turned on Demolition to join the Powers of Pain, leading to a title match at the Main Event. Fuji threw salt in Ax’s eyes for the DQ, which somehow resulted in the Powers of Pain getting a rematch here in a 3-2 handicap match where Fuji can help his team win the titles.

Demolition is ready to beat up Fuj the Stooge.

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Powers of Pain/Mr. Fuji

Demolition is defending but Fuji isn’t the worst addition to the challengers. It’s not that well known but he spent more days as a member of the World Tag Team Champions than anyone in company history at over two and a half years holding half of the titles. He’s 53 here and was a champion as recently as 1982 so it’s not like he hasn’t been out there in 20 years. Fuji throws his salt and bows before we’re ready to go.

Warlord and Ax get things going with Ax taking over and quickly handing it off to Smash for an early neck crank. Gorilla calls the challengers a mongrel team. Demolition is a pair of brawlers but the Powers of Pain are mongrels? That’s quite the stretch Monsoon. Barbarian comes in but gets elbowed in the face three times in a row for his efforts. It’s all Demolition to start until Barbarian chops Smash down to the mat in a pretty rare sight. Warlord comes back in and is immediately double clotheslined but Ax makes the mistake of going after Fuji to change control for the first time.

Fuji comes in for a chop and a falling headbutt which looked a little bit low. Slow stomping ensues, which you have to expect from guys like this. Fuji actually goes up top and misses a…..I’m not sure if it was a legdrop or an elbow and it’s Smash coming in to clean house for some polite applause. Everything breaks down and Fuji throws salt in Warlord’s eyes by mistake, setting up the Demolition Decapitator (backbreaker/middle rope elbow combination) to pin Fuji and retain the titles at 8:55.

Rating: D. Boring match but it was two teams who wrestled the same style which almost never works. Fuji being in there was a nice way to keep the Powers of Pain from getting pinned, probably to allow for house show rematches. Still though, nothing to see here and the fans have made no secret about the fact that they’re just sitting around waiting for Hogan vs. Savage.

Tony Schiavone (he had a pot of coffee for the company in the late 80s and early 90s) is thrown out of Savage’s locker room as the champ shouts that he’s ready for Hogan.

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

Garvin is a brawler who didn’t do much in the company. Before the match, we have to pause for the return of Jimmy Snuka. It has nothing to do with the match but he’s back after nearly four years away. Totally pointless cameo that makes me think it wasn’t meant to air here.

Bravo attacks from behind and forearms Garvin in the back as Gorilla and Jesse argue over how strong Bravo really is. A kick to the chest gets two for Dino and even Jesse rips on Bravo for thinking that would get the pin. Garvin suddenly starts his comeback with a bunch of right hands (his finisher back in the NWA) and a sleeper but Bravo is right in the corner. A sunset flip gets two for Ronnie but he walks into the side suplex for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: D. This would have been a lame match on Superstars and it makes Wrestlemania? Like I said, so much of this card feels like they’re trying to fill in time and that really shouldn’t be happening on the biggest show of the year. This easily could have been cut off to save about six minutes and keep the crowd from getting so bored.

Garvin beats up Frenchy Martin because he’s a sore loser.

Brainbusters vs. Strike Force

The Brainbusters (Gorilla: “Two really tough dudes!”) are Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard with Heenan in their corner. Strike Force has been inactive for a long time due to Martel being injured but he begged Tito to reform the team. Blanchard starts with Martel and Arn is cheating just a few seconds in with a knee to the back. Everything breaks down and stereo dropkicks put the Busters on the floor.

Back in and Martel takes Anderson, the power of the team, to the mat in a test of strength. Blanchard fights up but Tito gets in a blind tag to put Tully in a Figure Four. Martel puts Anderson in one as well but the threats of a disqualification breaks them up. Strike Force tries another blind tag but Santana’s flying forearm hits Martel by mistake, knocking him out to the floor.

The Busters take over on the distracted Santana but he gets two off a middle rope cross body. Arn puts him back down with a knee in the corner as Martel is still shaken up by the forearm. Tito slams Anderson off the top (that might have been a mini tribute to Flair) and goes for the tag but Martel drops to the floor and walks out. So Tito is alone against the Brainbusters and this doesn’t bode well. The yet to be named spinebuster plants Tito, who is still looking over at the empty corner. A spike piledriver puts Tito out of his misery at 9:13.

Rating: C+. Fun match here which was more of a way to set up the Martel vs. Santana feud which went on for well over a year. It’s a simple story and a great way for Martel to look like a jerk, which made for a solid heel turn. The Brainbusters were going to become a much bigger deal and would finally end Demolition’s title reign by the end of the summer.

Martel says he’s tired of carrying Santana, who has always been holding him back. Gene is livid over Martel’s actions. Like more livid than he is on a day to day basis.

It’s time for Roddy Piper’s big return with a live Piper’s Pit. Fink gives Piper a big introduction but we get Brother Love (a heel character who parodied TV evangelists of the 80s) in a kilt instead. Love says his guest is brother Rodney and we get an outstanding Piper impression as Love plays both host and guest. This doesn’t last long so Love brings out the real guest: loudmouthed talk show host Morton Downey Jr. who was a forerunner to Jerry Springer and chain smoked (cigarettes, which Gorilla calls weed).

After a few insults from Downey, here’s the real Piper to wake the fans up. Piper starts asking Love questions but won’t let him answer because he didn’t want to know that badly. He makes fun of Love’s red face but Love stands up to him. Love: “You can’t scare me!” Piper: “WAH!” Guess what happens. Piper brings up all the gifts that DiBiase has given Love and thinks Love is wearing a fake Rolex. Downey throws cigarettes at Piper as Roddy asks if Love is any part Scottish. If he is, there shouldn’t be anything under that dress.

They argue over who is wearing a dress and who is wearing a kilt with Piper threatening to bite Love’s face off if Love touches Piper’s kilt. Piper rips Love’s kilt off to reveal red underwear and Love bails. So it’s just Piper vs. Downey now and Morton starts blowing smoke in Piper’s face, which Piper doesn’t approve of. Piper asks why Morton Downey Jr.’s father isn’t named Morton Downey so Morton implies he slept with Piper’s mother. Apparently Morton used to have a bunch of warts on his face but he gave them to a homeless warthog. Piper: “I didn’t know your girlfriend was homeless.”

Downey does his ZIP IT catchphrase and they just keep going. Fan: “THIS IS STUPID!” Downey thinks Piper is a transvestite and blows even more smoke. He says it’s healthy and that Piper could live as long as Downey could (Downey would eventually die of lung cancer). Piper asks for a cigarette of his own but instead sprays Downey with a fire extinguisher. This ran nearly SIXTEEN MINUTES or longer than any Wrestlemania match to date. It’s also aged horribly as Downey’s show would be canceled by the end of the summer.

Preview of Hulk Hogan’s cult classic movie No Holds Barred.

Donald Trump thinks this has been a great event for the Trump Organization and that the casinos have been doing very well. Sean Mooney sounds incredibly nervous here.

Jesse is LIVID that Hogan is invading Hollywood. He’s so mad that he looks at the wrong camera when he starts ranting about how scared Hogan is of Savage. Hogan can drive Jesse’s limo in Hollywood and Jesse storms off, only to return about ten seconds later.

We’re in intermission if that’s not clear.

Long recap of the Mega Powers forming and splitting to get us to the main event. Like I said, Hogan was taking a bit too much of the spotlight, including getting the win at Survivor Series after Savage did most of the work. It was finally too much for Savage and he snapped to set up the Mega Powers exploding.

Hogan can’t believe we’re here just a year after it all started. He should have been able to see it coming though as Savage just wasn’t ready to handle the pressure. Savage made Hogan believe that he believed in Hogan’s demandments (train, say your prayers and eat your vitamins) and that he was in Hogan’s corner. That line right there sums up why Savage is pretty justified: why should the WWF World Champion be in Hogan’s corner and have to follow Hogan’s rules? As I said for Wrestlemania III: Hogan only has himself to blame for so many of his problems.

Hogan isn’t done yet as he talks about Trump sending a team of scientists to check the arena’s foundation because the people in the building might be swallowed by the earth. What is up with Hogan worrying about the world falling apart whenever he’s in Trump Plaza? That’s two years in a row now. Anyway, he wants Savage at his best and promises to take the title back.

Jake Roberts vs. Andre the Giant

Big John Studd returned around the beginning of the year and is guest referee here. As you can probably guess, Andre’s career hasn’t done so well lately as his mounting injuries have pretty much rendered him to limited appearances and little more. The idea here is Andre is terrified of snakes, much like so many of Jake’s opponents. That’s rather evil of Jake but we’ve already established that heroes can be horrible people in the world of wrestling.

Andre jumps Jake to start and sends him face first into an exposed buckle, which lost its padding somewhere during the entrances. Somehow being sent into the exposed buckle by ANDRE THE GIANT doesn’t even knock Jake to the mat. Jesse thinks Jake is cunning but he’s in there with a giant. Gorilla: “Didn’t you ever hear the story of David?” Jesse: “Sure. He used a foreign object.” Point to Ventura. Andre gets him into the corner and crushes him with the power of fat.

Heenan yells insults as Andre stands on Jake’s chest. Jake slugs away and knocks Andre into the ropes for the tie up but Heenan gets the Giant’s arm’s loose for some choking. Andre tries a shoulder in the corner but “catches a short knee” and staggers backwards, even though Jake never moved his leg. To this day I’m still not sure what happened there. A big chest bump knocks Jake to the floor but Studd won’t let him bring the snake inside. Andre and Studd get in a fight and here’s DiBiase to steal the snake, triggering their feud. Jake chases him off as Andre chokes Studd and that’s a DQ at 9:40.

Rating: D. These matches are feeling longer and longer, even if it’s a bigger match like this one. Jake was an act that people never got tired of, even if he was eternally stuck in the midcard. Andre was into sad territory here as he could barely move and was really just shouting and using his fat instead of doing anything of value.

Jake catches DiBiase and brings in the snake to clear the ring.

Sean Mooney gives us a worthless report from the cheap seats.

Sensational Sherri is going to take the Women’s Title back from Rockin Robin and hopes Elizabeth gets hurt in the main event. That’s just evil.

Honky Tonk Man/Greg Valentine vs. Hart Foundation

Honky Tonk, now firmly down the card after losing the Intercontinental Title at the first Summerslam, gets beaten up by Hart to open things up. Valentine comes in and gets dropkicked as well, followed by Neidhart’s slingshot shoulder for two. It’s back to Bret who walks into a backbreaker as the bad guys finally over. A kind of fireman’s carry suplex and some elbows from Honky Tonk have Bret in trouble as Jesse calls Pat Patterson a relic of the past.

There’s the Shake Rattle and Roll but it’s off to Valentine for the Figure Four instead of a cover. Bret easily breaks out of the hold and cross bodies Honky Tonk, only to fall out to the floor. Back in and Bret loads up an O’Connor roll on Greg but runs over for the tag to Neidhart instead of covering. That’s rather smart and something you would only expect from someone like Bret. The Harts take over and Bret starts with the prototype of the Five Moves of Doom. Everything breaks down and Neidhart throws in Jimmy’s megaphone for a shot to Honky Tonk’s shoulder for the pin at 7:39.

Rating: C. Totally meaningless filler match here but at least it wasn’t bad for a change. The Harts were still finding their groove as a face team, including not blatant cheating with foreign objects to beat a thrown together team like this. We’ll be seeing Valentine and Honky Tonk together as an actual team later on.

We recap Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude, which started in a pose down at the Royal Rumble. Rude was about to lose so he attacked Warrior with an exercise bar. Warrior wasn’t pleased and this is the result.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Warrior won the title at Summerslam in a big surprise and has been dominant ever since. Rude tries to jump him at the bell but his knee hits Warrior’s belt. To be fair, Rude didn’t get smart until he went to WCW. Warrior LAUNCHES him across the ring over and over before throwing on a bearhug. Some fingers to the eyes break the hold and Rude comes off the top with a missile dropkick of all things for two.

Warrior comes right back with another bearhug and the referee is even nice enough to stop Rude from poking the eyes again. Rude gets out off something we missed because the camera was on Heenan and a piledriver gets a very delayed cover. The kickout is a lot weaker this time and Rude follows up with a jawbreaker.

Rude cranks on both arms at once but Warrior makes the ropes and shoves Rude away. The champ throws him into the corner a few times but misses a splash. He’s still able to break up the Rude Awakening though and Rude is in trouble. Warrior knocks him to the floor for a suplex but Heenan trips Warrior up so Rude falls on top, leaving Bobby to hold the foot down to give Rick the pin and the title at 9:41. That’s Warrior’s first loss and somehow that’s Heenan’s first title as a manager in the WWF.

Rating: B. This was a pairing that never made sense as neither guy was known as the best in ring performer on their own but they meshed together very well and produced some good stuff. Rude was still goofy and Warrior was still insane so this was a major upset and big surprise all around. Good match too.

Warrior beats Heenan up because he’s a sore loser.

Bad News Brown vs. Jim Duggan

Just a brawl here. Duggan slugs away to start and clotheslines Brown out to the floor. Back in and it’s Brown’s turn to hammer on Duggan but the shots to the head have no effect on Jim. The Ghetto Blaster misses though and Brown rolls outside to grab a chair. Duggan gets his 2×4 and it’s a double DQ at 3:45.

Rating: D. This could have been fun if it wasn’t at Wrestlemania. Instead it’s yet another way to fill in time before the match on the show that everyone wanted to see. Thankfully they kept this short but that doesn’t mean it has any business actually taking place. Bad stuff here that could have been a fun garbage brawl.

Duggan hits him with the 2×4 to send Brown staggering away. The announcement of the double DQ crushes the crowd all over again.

Red Rooster can’t wait to beat up Bobby Heenan and it’s going to be a great day in the barnyard. The idea is Rooster is a walking chicken who used to be managed by Heenan. Bobby said he could take anyone to success, even someone as untalented as Rooster. I think you can piece the rest together yourself.

Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan

Heenan can barely walk after the beating from Warrior. Right hands, Heenan misses a charge and hits the post, Rooster pins him in 30 seconds.

Post match the Brooklyn Brawler comes in but gets beaten up by Rooster. This is really the last match before the main event at WRESTLEMANIA.

Elizabeth says she’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event. All she hopes is that neither man is injured.

Tony Schiavone says the locker room has all gone into the arena to watch the match.

Sean Mooney polls fans on who is going to win. My goodness ENOUGH FILLER ALREADY.

WWF World Title: Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan

Savage is defending and comes out first. Elizabeth gets her own entrance. Jesse sums it up very well by saying “This is truly what the term main event was invented for. This is the MAIN EVENT.” Savage bails to start and poses on the corner. Hogan easily shoves him down and it’s time to stall some more.

The announcers get into a heated argument over how important Elizabeth really is until Hogan shoulders Savage to the floor where he hides behind Elizabeth. Jesse: “With what Elizabeth has pulled, a punch in the nose might be what she needs.” Back in and Hogan gets technical (huh???) to take Savage down into a front facelock. Some right hands are more Hogan’s style but Savage snaps him throat first across the top rope for two.

We hit the armbar from the champ but Hogan fights up and uses the trunks to pull Savage to the floor. Back in and Hogan drops a bunch of elbows for two but Savage pulls him into a chinlock. Hulk has a cut over his eye and Savage knees him into the buckle for two, even with a handful of trunks. Hogan fights up again and just slams Savage over the top to the floor.

Randy wants nothing to do with Elizabeth’s help so he pulls Hogan to the floor and posts him. Now Elizabeth goes to check on Hogan and gets ejected to make it one on one. Savage ax handles Hogan throat first into the barricade followed by a knee drop for two. With that not working, Savage just chokes him down instead. The top rope elbow gets two and it’s time to Hulk Up. The three punches set up the big boot and the legdrop to give Hogan the title back at 17:54.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but there was no way they were going to be able to live up to the hype they had created for this. This was one of the biggest matches of all time and there was really no way they could get much higher than they did here. I can accept Hogan winning for the safe move and the good feeling, but can you imagine if Savage had cheated to win (maybe involving Elizabeth somehow) and kept the title until Summerslam? Still though, I understand why they did this as it wasn’t exactly a time when heels could get the last laugh of a major show.

A lot of posing and raving from Jesse take us out.

Overall Rating: D-. This is by far the worst Wrestlemania to date and in the running for the worst of all time. I understand the idea of a one match card but they weren’t even trying to do anything more than fill in time. Look at some of these matches and tell me which ones deserved to be on here aside from the main event. You have Andre vs. Roberts, the Intercontinental Title and Tag Team Title matches, and maybe the Brainbusters vs. Strike Force.

In other words, about two thirds of this show ranges from worthless to not needing to be on the card. The main event is good but there’s no way they could make up for the disaster that was the rest of the show. It’s way too long, not any good most of the time, and a show that only needed to be about one match. Throw in the WAY too long Piper segment and this was a disaster. Absolutely horrible show.

Ratings Comparison

Hercules vs. King Haku

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Twin Towers vs. Rockers

Original: C

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Mr. Perfect vs. Blue Blazer

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Demolition vs. Powers of Pain/Mr. Fuji

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Brain Busters vs. Strike Force

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Jake Roberts vs. Andre the Giant

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Hart Foundation vs. Honky Tonk Man/Greg Valentine

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C

Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Jim Duggan vs. Bad News Brown

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D

Red Rooster vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

It just keeps getting worse.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/12/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-5-hogan-vs-savage-and-thats-about-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/14/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-v-the-first-wrestlemania-sequel/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania IV
Date: March 27, 1988
Location: Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Attendance: 18,165
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

DiBiase’s master plan isn’t over yet and we’ll be seeing it put into effect as the night goes on. However, the tournament plans have been drastically changed since they were originally put together. We’ll take a look at what was changed and why as we move on but you should be able to figure most of it out already. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bit more modern this year as it’s a slot machine spitting out coins followed by the Wrestlemania IV logo. It’s very fitting in Atlantic City and a nice change of pace from the basic yet effective openings of the previous shows.

The roof has these really cool blue and red stripes as their main design. I always thought those looked awesome.

Gene brings out Gladys Knight to sing America the Beautiful. I’m not entirely sure why she’s covered in patches and looks like she has about a dozen sponsors but I’ve seen stranger things.

Bob Uecker is here again and is doing commentary on the first match. He’s probably the best celebrity commentator they’ve ever had so I have no issue with this.

Battle Royal

Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jim Powers, Paul Roma, Sika, Danny Davis, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, Jacques Rougeau, Raymond Rougeau, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, Junkyard Dog, Nikolai Volkoff, Boris Zhukov, Hillbilly Jim, King Harley Race, George Steele

The winner gets a big trophy and you really should be able to see where this is going from here. Powers and Roma (the Young Stallions) are another pretty boy tag team, Sika is a Samoan, Brown is a tough guy and a legitimate bronze medalist in judo (never mentioned on screen), Houston is a cowboy, Patera is a strongman, Bass is an evil cowboy and Volkoff and Zhukov (the Bolsheviks) are evil Russians. Steele starts on the floor and never actually gets in so it’s not really clear if he’s eliminated or not.

Uecker is on commentary for this one and mentions that Vince McMahon called to ask if he wanted to be on the show. That’s not something you would expect to hear as Vince was just a commentator at this point. Houston, a smaller guy, is quickly put out and Sika, a much bigger guy, is gone soon after.

The fans go nuts at the prospect of Davis getting tossed. It’s rather impressive that he’s hung around so long with such a simple gimmick and so little skill. Steele pulls Neidhart to the floor and both Bees and Raymond Rougeau are quickly eliminated as well. Some cops walk in front of the first row as Dog eliminates Bass. Zhukov and others dump Hillbilly and Powers tosses Davis to the biggest pop of his career. Powers is eliminated a few seconds later and the ring is really clearing out.

Race and Dog go at it again and there go Nikolai and Patera. Jacques is eliminated a few seconds alter and we’re down to Hart, Roma, Race, Dog and Brown. Dog punches Race out almost immediately and Brown backdrops Roma to get us down to three. Brown hits Hart by mistake and the all fours headbutts have them in trouble. The villains take over with some double teaming and quickly toss the Dog. An agreement seems to have been reached but Brown gives him the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) and tosses Hart for the win at 9:45.

Rating: D. This was a rather lame battle royal with almost no drama but it did accomplish a major goal by turning Bret face for the first time in his career. Neidhart would follow him to the good side soon enough and the Hart Foundation would become a force in the division all over again. Brown would soon feud with the new World Champion for a bit in some really good matches. I wouldn’t want to spoil the new champion for you though, in case you somehow haven’t heard about it in the last twenty seven years or so.

Brown comes back in for the trophy presentation but Bret jumps him from behind and destroys the trophy.

The Fink goes over the tournament rules but Gorilla and Jesse talk over him. They quiet down for a celebrity moment though as Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ Robin Leech reads a proclamation about the tournament, which basically says “we’re having a tournament.”

Here are the brackets:

Hulk Hogan

BYE

Andre the Giant

BYE

Jim Duggan

Ted DiBiase

Don Muraco

Dino Bravo

Greg Valentine

Ricky Steamboat

Randy Savage

Butch Reed

One Man Gang

Bam Bam Bigelow

Jake Roberts

Rick Rude

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Jim Duggan vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase has bodyguard Virgil and Andre with him. Ted hides in the corner to start but Duggan fires off some right hands to take over. A big atomic drop sends DiBiase over the top and out to the floor with one of DiBiase’s perfect bounces. He’s known as a technician but he can tumble around very well. Back in and Duggan pounds away in the corner but he charges into a boot to give Ted his first control.

A sunset flip gets two for Duggan and Jesse freaks out that he knows a wrestling move. Duggan pounds him into the corner again and a slam looks to set up the Three Point Clothesline but Andre grabs his foot. The distraction lets DiBiase get in a knee to the back for the pin at 5:02. The replay shows Andre punching Duggan as well with the referee looking right at him. It would seem that DiBiase has bought off another one. Or that they screwed up and no one noticed.

Rating: C-. This is going to be a running problem tonight. These matches could be good but you can’t do much when you have so little time to work with. Five minutes is enough for a squash but you need more if you want to see something competitive. Duggan and DiBiase had some awesome matches in Mid-South but they were far different people at this point.

Brutus Beefcake threatens to cut Honky Tonk Man’s hair tonight after he takes the Intercontinental Title. Honky Tonk stole the belt from Steamboat just a few months after Wrestlemania III and has held it ever since.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Bravo has Frenchy Martin with him while Muraco, now a good guy, has former WWF World Champion Billy Graham in his corner. Power vs. power here with Bravo taking him into the corner for some big right hands. Muraco comes back with a slam but is totally out of position for what looked like a Vader Bomb, meaning he has to just land next to Bravo and then cover him. A gutwrench suplex gets two for Bravo but he misses a knee in the corner to give Muraco a target.

Don starts working on the leg but gets kicked away so hard that his neck gets tied up in the ropes. Bravo follows up on the neck with a piledriver (Muraco’s move, though Muraco uses a tombstone) for two, followed by a double clothesline to put both of them down. Muraco takes over so Bravo pulls the referee in the way of a flying forearm for the DQ at 4:54.

Rating: D. Lame match here with an even lamer ending. They really needed to protect Dino Bravo in a World Title tournament at Wrestlemania? You can’t have him take a rollup loss to a former Intercontinental Champion? The ending didn’t do it any favors either and the whole thing was just messy. It could have been worse though.

Uecker, who will mainly be a backstage interviewer tonight, is looking for Vanna White but finds Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart instead. A few barbs are exchanged about Uecker’s abysmal batting average and Uecker thinks it might be time for some haircuts. Honky Tonk threatens to backstroke up the Mississippi. Wouldn’t that mess with his hair?

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Ricky Steamboat vs. Greg Valentine

Ricky has his son with him, who would wind up being Richie Steamboat in the early days of NXT. Steamboat runs the ropes to start and armdrags Valentine into an armbar as he is known to do. Some chops get two for the Dragon and he skins the cat before dropkicking Valentine in the back. In a rare botch, Ricky isn’t in the right place to roll Valentine up and has to cover him for two instead. Everyone can make a mistake every and then but it’s so strange to see it from Steamboat.

Valentine pulls Steamboat off the ropes for a big crash, giving me one of my all time favorite exchanges between Gorilla and Jesse. Gorilla: “Right on the back of the head! Right on the external occipital protuberance area!” Jesse: “The WHAT?” Gorilla: “That little bump on the back of your head.” Ricky flips out of a belly to back suplex and puts on another armbar. Greg gets back up with a big clothesline to knock Steamboat down. Gorilla: “Right on the external occipital protuberance. We talked about that Jess.” Jesse: “Ok. Back of the head for all your normal people out there.”

They slug it out as Jesse finally points out Donald Trump in the front row. Valentine can’t hook the Figure Four and Steamboat wins a slugout. Greg’s top rope chop sets up the Figure Four but Steamboat chops his way out again. Now it’s Ricky with a top rope chop to the head for two. After shoving the referee in a rare angry moment, Steamboat goes up for the cross body but Valentine rolls through for the clean pin at 9:11.

Rating: B-. Match of the night by far and while a lot of that is due to the talent in the ring, a lot of it is also due to the extra time they had. It let them build up a match instead of just getting all their stuff in, which is only a good thing when you have guys like these two out there. This would be it for Steamboat in the WWF as he headed back to the NWA after some time off.

The British Bulldogs have Matilda back after the Islanders (Heenan’s team) dognapped her. Dynamite says that Matilda has been trained for a weasel hunt (Bobby was known as the Weasel) and Koko B. Ware can’t wait for the six man tag tonight. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

Bobby Heenan receives a package and actually TIPS THE DELIVERYMAN! Someone get him to a doctor!

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Randy Savage vs. Butch Reed

Savage, now a full on face and the second most popular act in the company, and Elizabeth are in matching blue outfits. Reed shoves Savage down as the announcers debate whether or not Gorilla would buy a used car from Slick. Savage can’t suplex the bigger Reed so Butch suplexes him instead, followed by a hard elbow to the face. Savage’s elbows have little effect as Reed drops him again, only to spend WAY too much time yelling at Elizabeth as he goes up. Butch gets slammed down, setting up the flying elbow for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: D+. This did exactly what it was supposed to do as Savage is going to have a deep run in this thing so giving him a relatively easy first round match made sense. Reed was fine in this role as a power guy who posed a bit of a threat but ultimately had no chance. This would be his last match for the WWF before he headed for the NWA as well.

Heenan isn’t worried about the British Bulldogs or that mutt Matilda because he has the Islanders and a surprise to back it up. Uecker is offended and won’t speak at their outrigger dinner.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. One Man Gang

Two monsters here as Gang is a big biker with Slick as his manager and Bigelow is a slightly smaller (6’4, 393lbs) guy who can fly around amazingly well for someone his size. He also has Oliver Humperdink (a pretty low level yet very colorful manager) in his corner. Gang jumps him from behind and splashes Bigelow in the corner as Monsoon talks about wrestling at 440lbs. Jesse is stunned and wants to hear about Monsoon’s diet back then in a funny bit that only the two of them could pull off.

Bigelow makes a quick comeback and hits a pair of headbutts, only to have Slick pull the rope down to send Bigelow outside, drawing a countout at 2:55. You would think that Bigelow being on the apron for about seven of those counts and having one foot in the ring at ten would be enough to save him but not quite. This was it for Bigelow for all intents and purposes as he needed knee surgery and would also be in the NWA by the end of the year.

Gene is in the back with Hogan, who talks about his rematch with Andre. After saying about what you would expect him to say, Hogan goes into a bizarre rant about slamming Andre and breaking America off from the fault line and causing everyone to fall into the ocean. Now things get even more insane and it has to be quoted for posterity’s sake if nothing else:

“So will Donald Trump and all the Hulkamaniacs. But as Donald Trump hangs on to the top of the Trump Plaza with his family under his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of the sea, THANK GOD Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac. He’ll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dog paddle with his life all the way to safety. But Donald, if somehow you run out of gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs run out of gas, just hang onto the largest back in the world and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety.”

So to recap:

1. Hulk Hogan basically just declared himself Jesus.

2. Wouldn’t everyone on his back drown is he backstrokes through the ocean?

3. What’s with the referencing to backstroking tonight?

4. Gene’s face during Hogan’s speech is bordering on terror as he tries not to let his jaw hang open and/or ask what on earth Hogan is talking about.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts

These two would be about to start an awesome feud due to Rude trying to hit on Jake’s wife. Rude, with Heenan in his corner, is still a goofy ladies man here but he could be a heavy hitter when he needed to be. Feeling out process to start until Jake scores with some slams to send Rude into the corner. Jake starts cranking on the arm and even holds it when Rude punches him to the mat for a unique visual.

The wristlock stays on as they hit the mat, which sounds like the calling card of the fifteen minute time limit draw. Back up and a knee lift looks to set up the DDT but Rude bails to the floor. More stalling ensues until Jake slams him again but he misses another knee lift and crashes to the mat. The hip swivel and an elbow drop get a VERY slow two for Rude and we hit the chinlock. They’re not even hiding the impending draw. Even Jesse is wondering why Rude is doing something like this with such a short time limit.

Rude elbows him down for two and we hit yet another chinlock. Jake fights up with a belly to back suplex and Rude STILL won’t let go of the hold. Some stomps set up the fifth chinlock of the match and Jake looks asleep. The fans are loudly booing this until Jake finally escapes with a jawbreaker. It’s a remarkable improvement for the fans as they go from booing to just silent instead. Jake starts his comeback with a short clothesline but the DDT is broken up. A double clothesline makes the fans audibly groan. Rude is up first and grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes but the bell rings for the draw at 15:13 (eh close enough).

Rating: F. Absolutely awful here as over five minutes of the match was spent in a chinlock. It’s easy to have a fifteen minute match go to a draw without boring the fans to death but they didn’t even try here. I know you don’t want to do another countout after the previous one, but what about a double DQ that eats up half the time or something like that? This was awful and just a way to waste time.

Here are the updated brackets:

Hulk Hogan

Andre the Giant

Ted DiBiase

Don Muraco

Greg Valentine

Ricky Steamboat

One Man Gang

BYE

Gene is with Vanna White (of Wheel of Fortune) but she’s never heard of Bob Uecker. They give us a quick preview of the second round and praise Hogan a bit. Vanna likes Elizabeth as “a woman person” behind Savage. White may not have been a huge wrestling fan but she knew how to have a great smile and a lot of charisma here. As I said earlier: it helps when they sound like they want to be here and Vanna seemed like she was having a good time.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules

Warrior is relatively new (he debuted in October) and this is just a power vs. power match. They shove each other around to start until Warrior takes him into the corner for some hard chops. This is before Warrior had figured out the formula that made him a star so this is quite a different style. Hercules needs three clotheslines to put Rude down but Warrior pops up because they’re just clotheslines.

Ever the villain, Jesse suggests that Hercules choke Warrior out with the tassels on Warrior’s arms. It’s not a bad idea actually. They slug it out and don’t seem to know where to go next. I can understand that from Warrior but Hercules is a veteran at this point. An atomic drop puts Warrior down out of the corner and Heenan says slap it on him. There’s the full nelson but Warrior climbs the turnbuckles and falls backwards onto Hercules, raising his shoulder up for the pin at 4:36.

Rating: D. See, as boring as this one was, at least they kept it short and you had Warrior being all insane (character insane as opposed to real life insane) to keep things active. Like I said, this is completely different than the normal Warrior style and it was interesting to see something out of the ordinary.

Hercules comes in with the chain but Warrior takes it away and swings it around to clean house.

We see some Wrestlemania IV merchandise as we’re in an intermission.

Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard is here.

Long recap of Andre vs. Hogan, including the build up to Wrestlemania III, DiBiase paying Andre to bring him the title and the Main Event match which set up the tournament.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Andre has DiBiase and Virgil with him. Hogan charges right at the Giant but Andre is ready for him with a bunch of right hands. Some running forearms have Andre staggered and Hulk rams him into DiBiase for good measure. Andre gets tied up in the ropes but Hogan walks around forever, allowing DiBiase and Virgil to get Andre loose.

Even more right hands drop Andre and three straight elbows get two, only to have Andre grab Hogan by the throat to break up the cover. Andre sits on Hogan because he doesn’t like to make his offense that complicated. We hit the trapezius hold from the Giant but Hulk pops up with more right hands. A Virgil distraction lets DiBiase sneak in with a chair but Hogan takes it away and hits Andre. The Giant takes the chair and hits Hogan with it….and that’s a double DQ at 5:23.

Rating: D. Yeah the match sucked but my goodness how in the world do you call that a double DQ? Hogan hit him first and the referee was looking right at him but for some reason both guys are out. That sounds about as cut and dry as you can get but tournaments can cause some screwy results.

Hogan slams Andre and poses even though he’s out of the tournament. DiBiase runs and throws Virgil at Hogan to take the beating in the aisle. Gorilla turns into Yoda and says that “neither one of these men will be entitled to wear the belt of the champion.” As the posing ensues, Jesse thinks this was all part of the master plan. That’s because Jesse was one of the smartest commentators ever and gets common sense while Gorilla was a glorified Hogan fan. This goes on for WAY too long and feels like the end of the show while Jesse says we’ll know who the real greatest is in another hour.

Savage, now in pink to match Elizabeth again, says no one has ever defeated Hogan. Now that he’s out though, he’s going to make sure that the other half of the Mega Powers goes all the way.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Don Muraco vs. Ted DiBiase

The winner goes to the finals due to the double DQ. Muraco reaches through the ropes to get DiBiase (alone here) as the bell rings and Jesse freaks out because it’s not fair to Ted. Again, totally correct but Gorilla ignores him. A powerslam and a middle rope elbow get two each for Muraco so DiBiase rolls outside. That’s even worse as he has to run from Graham and his cane. Back in and DiBiase sends him hard into the buckle to set up some choking. That sweet falling fist drop gets two for DiBiase but he misses an elbow. Back up and Muraco charges into a stun gun to send DiBiase to the finals at 5:35.

Rating: D+. I find it interesting that DiBiase has won his first two matches without using his finishing hold. It’s always cool to see them mix things up like that instead of doing the same stuff over and over again. Muraco was a good choice to put DiBiase over here and the match was fine enough. Not good but fine.

Demolition says they’re going to hit Strike Force over the head with baseball bats to win the Tag Team Titles. Uecker is rightfully freaked out.

One Man Gang’s second round bye is announced to the crowd.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Greg Valentine vs. Randy Savage

This should be good. Savage goes for a quick rollup but Greg goes up top and drops a forearm to the back for two. Donald Trump is still in the front row and seems to actually be enjoying himself. They fight to the floor with Greg chopping even more, followed by some heavy elbows to the chest. Back in and Valentine starts in on the leg but opts for a suplex instead. Savage suddenly goes nuts and hits the top rope ax handle. He tries for a second but gets punched out of the air. Valentine can’t follow up but avoids a charge against the ropes. The Figure Four is countered into a small package and Savage advances at 6:07.

Rating: D. Quite the disappointing match here as you would expect far better chemistry from these two. Valentine barely touched the leg and was just going with the big forearms and elbows, which were normally only about half of his offense. Savage had one burst of offense and then won in the end on a fluke again, which is pretty standard for him. Not a good match here, which is a really bit surprise.

Here are the updated brackets:

Ted DiBiase

BYE

One Man Gang

Randy Savage

Vanna and Gene talk about the upcoming matches.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is one of Beefcake’s 283 or so shots at the titles over the year. Honky Tonk now has his girlfriend Peggy Sue with him (Sherri Martel as a dancing 50s girl). Jesse says he’s playing piano during Honky Tonk’s music. Unfortunately Beefcake doesn’t have his awesome music yet. The champ stalls forever so Jesse says hi to Terri, Tyrel and Jade (his wife and kids) back in Minneapolis as was his custom. A big atomic drop gives us the Honky Tonk selling and a right hand sends him outside.

Back in and Beefcake motions for a haircut before he sends Honky Tonk into the buckle over and over. Brutus finally misses a big elbow to give Honky Tonk an opening for his variety of stomping. Some choking looks to set up the Shake Rattle and Roll but the champ lets go. Jimmy Hart is confused but it turns out that they needed to move closer to the ropes so Brutus could block. I guess this is before backdrops were invented.

Beefcake grabs the sleeper but Hart knocks the referee cold with the megaphone. Instead of waking up the referee (why does that almost never happen?), Brutus goes for the scissors and cuts Jimmy’s hair instead. No one can wake Honky Tonk up so Peggy pours water over his face. Brutus tries to bring in the hedge clippers and the match is thrown out at somewhere around 6:00.

Rating: D. Another lame match here as Honky Tonk was all about the heat from the crowd and couldn’t have a good match to save his life most of the time. That being said, it made him more valuable than most of the roster as the people would pay to see him get beaten up every night because there was no way he could survive one more day as champion. Keep that up for over a year and rake in the money until you have someone to shoot to the moon as the new champion. Beefcake was never going to be that guy but he was an awesome repeat challenger.

There’s another major point to talk about here. Remember how I said the tournament we got wasn’t the original plan? Well that’s because of Honky Tonk Man. The original plan here was to have Savage beat Honky Tonk Man for the title but Honky Tonk talked Vince out of it/threatened to jump to the NWA with the title (depending on who you ask) and his reign continued.

Instead Savage was plugged into the World Title tournament and gets the major push as a result. The original World Title tournament saw DiBiase’s master plan paying off with him beating an exhausted Hogan to win the title, (the original brackets were aired on TV before they were changed to this version) setting up Savage winning it at Summerslam and going forward with history from there.

Andre puts his massive hand on Uecker’s shoulder to scare him to death while explaining the master plan. All he was supposed to do was get Hogan out of the tournament and he did his job perfectly. He chokes Uecker for fun, bugging Bob’s eyes out in a semi-famous bit.

Islanders/Bobby Heenan vs. British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware

We get to see what was inside Bobby’s delivery earlier: a dog handler’s outfit, which Jesse calls a stroke of genius. Dynamite hiptosses Haku (formerly King Tonga) and Tama down to start before catapulting Tama over the corner and out to the floor. Off to Haku to face Davey in the power vs. power match. Davey gets two off a crucifix and we hit the chinlock on Haku. You don’t often see a heel in one of those.

Haku comes back with an eye rake and forearms. Jesse: “Heenan is saving himself Gorilla.” Gorilla: “Yeah for the senior prom.” Dynamite finally charges into a kick in the corner and it’s off to Heenan for some stomps. Jesse describes him as looking like “A Chinaman” and the cook from Bonanza.

A single right hand to the ribs sends Bobby running and it’s off to Koko for some meaningless headbutts. Thankfully the Islanders don’t sell because they respect racial stereotypes and it’s back to Heenan to work on Koko some more. Ware sends him into the corner though and everything breaks down with the Islanders slamming Bobby onto Koko for the pin at 7:31.

Rating: D+. So this was basically the Heenan Family replacing the Hart Foundation from last year. Heenan was funnier than Davis though and it almost made for a more entertaining match, but that beating that Davis took last year was a thing of beauty. Still good enough here and Koko continues to be the man you get when you need a filler.

Jesse is presented to the crowd again in another rather pointless segment.

DiBiase’s bye into the finals is announced.

WWF World Title Tournament Semifinals: Randy Savage vs. One Man Gang

Elizabeth is in black to match Savage’s robe but his trunks are purple. Savage gets smart and grabs the beard to start and snaps Gang’s throat over the top rope. That’s it for Savage’s offense though as the much bigger Gang drives him into the corner to take over. Gang gets two off a slam but Savage gets his foot on the ropes.

The big splash misses though and Savage ax handles him to the floor. A top rope ax handle to the floor has Gang reeling but Savage tries a slam like a schnook and fails miserably. Elizabeth gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Slick throws in the cane. Gang misses every swing but it’s a DQ anyway at 4:35.

Rating: D. They were setting up a fine match until the lame ending. How do you disqualify someone for failing to cheat? Then again this is the same show where there was a countout when someone was halfway in the ring and a chair to the head somehow setting up a double DQ. Savage should have won this off a missed charge and a quick rollup or something but instead they went with some botched cheating.

Vanna has to go to ringside for the final and Uecker shows up just a few seconds late. Gene says Vanna has no idea who Uecker is but he says she’s sent him a ton of letters. “Yeah some guy named Vance White.” I really hope there’s a joke I’m not getting there because that’s really not funny.

Tag Team Titles: Demolition vs. Strike Force

Demolition is challenging and has Mr. Fuji in their corner. Strike Force is the sequel to the Can-Am Connection with Martel teaming up with Tito Santana to win the Tag Team Titles from the Hart Foundation back in the fall. Smash pounds Martel down to start and the other two come in as everything breaks down. A double clothesline gets two on Smash as the crowd is quiet, likely due to exhaustion at this point.

Tito armdrags Ax down and Martel hiptosses Smash down for good measure. Smash is still strong enough to catch a charging Santana in midair and carries him over to Ax for a clothesline in a kind of prototype Hart Attack. Jesse gives tips on double teaming as Smash gets two off a suplex. Tito finally scores with the flying forearm, which Jesse says he learned in the Mexican Football League. It’s finally off to Martel to clean house but the fans just do not care. Martel gets the Boston crab on Smash but Ax sneaks in with the cane (a must have for any heel manager) to knock Martel out and give Smash the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. The fans reacted to the title change but there wasn’t much else for them to care about. The match wasn’t bad but it took a lot of time to get to the ending as this show feels like it’s been going on forever. Demolition would go on to have the longest reign in the history of the titles so this was quite the historic change. Strike Force was an underrated team and I was hoping to see them get back in the title change but it would never come.

It’s FINALLY time for the main event with Uecker as the ring announcer and Vanna as the timekeeper. Robin Leech is also here to present the World Title belt to the winner. Uecker gets a kiss from Vanna to wrap up the show long story.

WWF World Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Savage

DiBiase has Andre with him but Virgil is probably still in the hospital after that one suplex. The final matching outfit sees Savage and Elizabeth all in white which feels appropriate for some reason. Savage is rightfully freaked out (freaked out freaked out) by Andre, who grabs Randy’s foot to make it even worse. The fans, proving that they are in fact alive, chant for Hogan.

They fight over arm control until Ted’s sunset flip is broken up by a right hand to the face. Some elbows to the back of Savage’s head changes control again but a knee to the back sends DiBiase outside. Savage goes up but Andre stands in front of him and says jump. If Savage jumps at him and gets attacked doesn’t that mean a DQ, which could mean Savage wins the title? Leave the planning to DiBiase Giant. Savage realizes something must be done and sends Elizabeth off to the back for help.

As Ted cranks on a chinlock, we get the obvious return of Hogan who sits down in the corner to keep an eye on things. Andre goes after Savage again but Hogan runs over with a right hand to even things up again. A suplex gets two for Ted but he gets slammed off the top, only to have Savage miss the elbow. DiBiase slaps on the sleeper but the referee goes to yell at Andre. Hogan comes in (wearing cowboy boots of all things) and chairs DiBiase in the back, setting up the elbow to make Savage champion at 9:17.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it came at the end of a far too long show. In their defense, the fans went nuts when Savage won, despite the blatant cheating from Hogan. As usual, Hulk continues to be really evil under the surface but to his credit Savage didn’t see what Hogan did. Good enough match but it came too late in the night.

Savage, Hogan and Elizabeth celebrate in the ring to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was LONG. The show felt like it went on for about nineteen days with so many worthless matches (Bravo vs. Muraco and Warrior vs. Hercules?) and stuff not getting enough time because we needed SIXTEEN MATCHES on one show. Savage winning the title was one of the two best options along with DiBiase so I can’t complain there, but this really needed to be cut down by an hour and minus about six matches. Or get a shorter ramp to cut down on the way too long entrances.

This is a show that really could have benefited from the modern pay per view style as there are regularly scheduled twenty minute matches on most pay per views. The problem here was you had all those matches, meaning a lot of entrances to eat up time. It made for a VERY long night and the show felt like it was never going to end. Do yourself a favor and watch the first Clash of the Champions, which aired on the same night and partially at the same time.

Ratings Comparison

Battle Royal

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Jim Duggan

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Greg Valentine vs. Ricky Steamboat

Original: C

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

Randy Savage vs. Butch Reed

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

One Man Gang vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts

Original: D

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Original: C

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Don Muraco

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. Greg Valentine

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D

Brutus Beefcake vs. Honky Tonk Man

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Islanders/Bobby Heenan vs. British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. One Man Gang

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Demolition vs. Strike Force

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

I even got annoyed trying to write up the new ratings comparison. This show is that much of a mess.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/11/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-4-one-big-tournament-and-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/13/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-iv-the-biggest-tournament-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Prime Time Wrestling
Date: July 10, 1989
Hosts: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Lord Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

We continue our trip through the late 80s with a look at the post Wrestlemania V era. In other words, Hulk Hogan is the WWF Champion again and probably dealing with Zeus and former champion Randy Savage. Throw in a bunch of other matches to fill in some time and we should be in for a fun show. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon immediately get in an argument over who is the host of the show. Heenan wants more members of the Heenan Family around but Monsoon says there will be no members on the show this week. Instead, Heenan is stuck here with all of this Hulk Hogan stuff, so Monsoon threatens him with violence. That’s enough to make Heenan look at the run sheet instead. To the first match!

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Akeem vs. Chris Allen

Slick is here with Akeem, who hammers away with forearms to the back. A running crotch attack to the back connects and Akeem tells him to come on while calling him a big dummy. Some corner splashes set up a running corner splash and Air Africa (the big splash) finishes Allen at 2:05.

Bobby is still annoyed at the host/co-host stuff and says he’ll make Gorilla the host as well. For now though, Heenan sends us to the next match….or actually a break.

And now, Update with Gene Okerlund. This week we’ll be going back to the Brother Love Show, where Rick Martel introduced us to Slick as his new manager. Tito Santana came out and got called some various taco related names, earning Slick a right hand to the face. Santana and Martel got in a big brawl, with Santana getting the better of things.

Rick Martel is annoyed at Tito Santana and promises to teach Tito some manners. Slick knows Martel will fight for him.

Tito Santana says he slapped Martel’s manager and now he’s coming after Martel with all of his energy.

Back in the studio, Gorilla says Heenan should just get his own show. Heenan says he’s talented enough to do so but throws us to the next match instead.

From the Niagara Falls Convention Center in Niagara Falls, New York on June 27, 1989.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Chris Evans

Evans (whose name is given as Greg and Chris in various places) runs away from Beefcake to start and then gets punched in the face for his cowardice. A slam sets up the sleeper (with Brutus saying Macho Man is next) and Evans is done at 1:24.

Post match, Evans gets a hair cut.

Heenan complains about Gorilla bringing in all kinds of people on the show but he brings Brother Love on and gets mocked. Gorilla is having none of this.

From the Dane County Coliseum in Madison, Wisconsin on June 6, 1989.

Dino Bravo vs. Brad Perry

Jimmy Hart is here with Bravo and Ronnie Garvin is guest referee. Perrry is in rather good shape and even Jesse acknowledges that he’s impressive looking. Bravo shoves him down with straight power to start so Perry tries a wristlock. That earns him a hard clothesline to keep Bravo in control, setting up a piledriver. Garvin’s very slow count only gets one as Perry’s feet are in the ropes so Bravo hits the side slam. Bravo picks him up at two and then ties Perry in the Tree of Woe. The stomping is on and Garvin shoves Bravo away….before saying Perry wins by DQ at 2:27.

Post match, Garvin gets in a fist fight with Bravo so referees have to break it up.

Heenan isn’t pleased with Garvin but Gorilla says that a referee has the discretion to do what he thinks is right. Bobby takes this as Gorilla saying Garvin is biased, with Gorilla saying he could be perfectly fine without Heenan around. Heenan: “You could do time without me and be happy.” Well that escalated in a weird direction.

It’s time to talk about Summerslam, with Heenan saying Gorilla will be there because he has nothing else to do. Monsoon no sells it again.

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Bushwhackers vs. Barry Hardy/Sonny Austin

After the traditional head rubbing, Luke confuses Sonny so Butch can come in from behind. The distracted Sonny gets bitten on the trunks, allowing Butch to hit a clothesline. Hardy comes in and gets his arms tied up so Butch puts a hat on him before hitting him in the ribs. The Battering Ram drops Austin and the double gutbuster finishes for Luke at 2:27. Total squash with some comedy thrown in.

Back in the studio, Heenan is yelling at the director and fires him. Monsoon says that as the host, he has to deal with what Heenan does. He goes on a rant to Heenan and MONSOON SWEARS AT HIM, with Heenan saying no one could replace him. It would leave Monsoon trying to be the Brain and the Gorilla but Monsoon isn’t having this.

Sean Mooney talks about how Rick Rude has finally brought some gold to the Heenan Family by winning the Intercontinental Title.

Rude talks about how there are a lot of people sitting on a couch with their woman, but she “has a headache”. Just tell her to think about Rude and they’ll be set for the evening. Heenan laughs off the idea of anyone actually being a threat to Rude.

Jim Neidhart is very happy because he has Bret Hart as his partner. They’re great on their own but then it’s like a tank and a Ferrari when they get together as a team. It’s strange to hear him in a solo interview, especially when he’s talking about Bret.

Monsoon tells Heenan to jump if he’s feeling froggy. Heenan: “Ribbit.” Monsoon laughs before again mocking the lack of any Heenan Family members on the show.

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Al Bermice

Just after the bell, we get an inset interview from Jimmy Snuka, threatening Honky Tonk Man for a recent guitar attack. Honky Tonk Man kicks him down and drops some ax handles to the back to set up some neck cranking. Some elbows set up the Shake Rattle And Roll for the easy pin on Bermtice at 2:19.

Monsoon yells at Heenan for buying a black chair and sending him the $800 bill. Heenan promises to pay for it but Monsoon thinks he’ll be dead by then. That would mean Monsoon would need pall bearers to carry him, but Heenan has been carrying him for years. The ranting about how important Heenan is to the show continues, as does Monsoon cutting him off and sending us back to Sean Mooney, who sends us to Hercules for a chat.

Hercules talks about how he’s a real American who is ready for a hot summer. He thinks it’s funny that people like Dino Bravo and the Brooklyn Brawler can come after him, but he’ll cool them off.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, with Jimmy Hart, make it clear that they are fabulous and brothers. They don’t think much of the Rockers, who have no class or style.

Mooney says no one seems to like the Rougeaus.

Remember Heenan and Gorilla bickering? They do it again here.

From the Metro Center in Rockford, Illinois on June 7, 1989.

Greg Valentine vs. Koko B. Ware

Jimmy Hart is here with Valentine. They circle each other for a bit before Valentine armdrags him down, much to Tony’s surprise. Back up and Valentine times him into the corner for the chops and elbows (kind of hammer-esque really). Ware is right back with some shots of his own, including a headbutt, which has Hart losing his mind.

A dropkick puts Valentine into the corner, setting up an atomic drop for that selling you only got in the 80s. Valentine rolls outside for a breather and comes back in off the top, including quite the slip, to hit Ware with a clothesline/fist. They slug it out again with Ware getting the better of things but Valentine sweeps the legs for a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 4:49.

Rating: C. This was a bit better as it had a mixture of some star power (or close to it) on both sides and some time, which is a lot better than you have been getting so far around here. It ended pretty quickly though, which isn’t exactly the best thing, but this was a longer match for this era of Prime Time. Throw in a Frankie cameo and it’s even better.

Post match here is Ronnie Garvin to say what happened, meaning it’s a reversed decision to give Ware the win.

Heenan isn’t sure if Koko or Frankie look smarter. Heenan: “Do you know how many people walk this earth that need to be insulted?” Monsoon doesn’t like the idea of Heenan lumping him in with that as tensions continue to rise.

We go to an undisclosed arena for a platform interview with Demolition. They don’t think much of the Twin Towers (Akeem/Big Boss Man) because they demolish things. The bigger they are, the harder Demolition can kick their teeth in. The Towers have Slick out here talking and jiving all the time, but if you want to impress someone, get your names on a contract. If the Slim Towers are that serious, meet them in the ring.

Heenan thinks the Brain Busters are going to end Demolition’s record reign as champions. He would be right actually, and it would happen before the end of the month.

Post break, Gorilla is on the phone, reiterating that none of the Heenan Family is going to be on the show this week. Heenan goes into the same rants he’s been on all show, saying he is staying here to keep the show on the air. Monsoon says anyone could fill his spot, so Heenan actually walks out. Gorilla isn’t convinced.

From the Dane County Coliseum in Madison, Wisconsin on June 6, 1989.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Tom Stone

We get an inset promo from the Genius, who doesn’t think much of Snuka. They circle each other to start until Stone grabs a lockup. That doesn’t last long as Snuka hits a crossbody for a fast two, setting up the big chop. Another big chop sets up a backbreaker and the Superfly Splash finishes Stone at 1:53. Not too bad considering they didn’t make contact for the first thirty seconds.

Gorilla is so impressed that he throws it to Sean Mooney for the Event Center.

Sean explains the (rather complicated) concept of Mr. Perfect, who is sick to his stomach about the lack of competition around here. Yes he is still perfect but no one can give him any kind of competition, so he’ll be staying perfect.

The Ultimate Warrior isn’t happy with losing the Intercontinental Title to Rick Rude but also wants to take out Andre the Giant. We shall conqueror the giant.

It’s time for Coliseum Corner, so Tony Schiavone runs down the 1989 Royal Rumble. For a preview, we see a few minutes of the six man tag from the show. Here’s the whole thing:

Dino Bravo/Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Jim Duggan/Hart Foundation

2/3 falls here. Anvil vs. Bravo gets things going and they collide a few times with no one going anywhere. Both guys miss elbows and it’s off to Duggan for a BIG reaction. Ray Rougeau comes in and is immediately slammed down and hit by a knee drop. Hart comes in to a small but audible reaction and gets two each off a small package and a sunset flip. Jacques comes in and things break down a bit with all three heels being caught in one corner where Anvil drives shoulders into them, crushing Ray against the corner under two other guys.

Ray FINALLY gets something in by low bridging Bret to send him to the floor. At the end of the day, when you need someone to sell something you call on Bret. Dino’s side suplex puts Bret down and The Rougeau Bomb gets the first fall. Bret and Ray start things off in the second fall with Hart in big trouble. Jacques comes in and sends Bret into the corner for the traditional chest first bump in the corner which gives Dino two.

Bravo puts on a bear hug for a bit before it’s back to Jacques. A sunset flip gives Bret a quick breather but he’s immediately put in a camel clutch. Anvil makes the save but as he’s being put back in the corner, Ray comes in and puts the same hold back on. That’s good stuff there. The heels take turns working over Bret until Jacques puts on a Boston Crab. Gorilla wants Duggan or Neidhart to come in and break the hold up, because you’ve got five seconds. I love the hypocrisy you would get from him at times.

Bret breaks the hold and tags in Anvil but the referee didn’t see it. That’s such a basic spot but you don’t see it much anymore. Ray puts on an abdominal stretch before it’s off to Jacques for the exact same hold. Bret FINALLY hits an atomic drop to break up the momentum and there’s the white hot tag to Duggan. Anvil hits a slingshot shoulder on Ray and a Duggan elbow drop ties the match up at a fall apiece.

Duggan pounds on Ray to start before going to the wrong corner to try to beat up both guys. Bravo hammers away a bit but rams Duggan’s head into the buckle for no effect at all. Duggan gets punched over into the corner and there’s the tag to Hart. Everything breaks down and Duggan hits Bravo with the board to give Hart the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine but Duggan’s reactions are amazing. The guy was probably the third most over guy in the company at this point, which is covering a lot of ground given how over some of the guys were in 1989. This was fine for an opener but the ending was never quite in doubt, which is ok.

Summerslam is still coming. They haven’t changed anything.

Monsoon has found a replacement host for next week but won’t say who.

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Mike Williams

Tony thinks Williams (though commentary sounded like the said Graham, even though that is not Mike Graham) is stupid for taking the match and there’s a big running clothesline to put Williams on the floor. Rick Rude gives us an inset interview to brag about beating Warrior at Wrestlemania. Warrior throws Williams back inside, signals for the gorilla press, hits the gorilla press, and drops the splash for the easy pin at 1:56.

Post match, Warrior carries him to the back. I’m not sure I want to know.

Gorilla tells the production staff to increase security to keep the Heenan Family out of the studio.

It’s time for the Brother Love Show (which used to scare the daylights out of me back in the day) with special guest Sensational Sherri. We’re not done though, as Sherri brings out Randy Savage, who brags about how great he is. Neither Hulk Hogan nor Brutus Beefcake can beat him so maybe they’ll jump him in a parking lot.

That could be a problem but Savage is the world’s greatest problem solver. Therefore, here is Zeus, the Human Wrecking Machine (and character from No Holds Barred, because that’s what they’re actually doing). Zeus looks rather disturbed as Savage issues the challenge for the tag match. Even Zeus is in on the challenge and promises to destroy Hogan and Beefcake. Love is thrilled too, as you might have expected, and demands an answer from Hogan and Beefcake.

Dusty Rhodes is now working in a butcher shop (with an apron over his bare chest) and has his coworker Ernest explain what kind of meat we’re seeing here. They make some ground beef and you can’t beat Dusty’s prices. Or his meat. I want more Ernest.

Heenan returns to the studio and Monsoon is not the slightest bit surprised. Actually Heenan isn’t back but rather just stopping by, because next week, Heenan is getting his OWN SHOW. He rips up a bunch of the set and even takes his name plate with him. Monsoon will be begging him to be on the show and he’ll be able to smell the bananas coming out of his pores.

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Ted DiBiase vs. Mario Mancini

DiBiase taunts him with the Million Dollar Title to start and gets armdragged down for running his mouth too much. That earns Mancini a shot to the face and a clothesline as DiBiase gets more serious. A powerslam sets up the Million Dollar Dream to finish Mancini at 1:25.

Here’s the address where you can send get well cards to Jake Roberts, which is certainly not the way WWE refreshes its mailing list.

Brutus Beefcake is ready to cut Randy Savage and Sherri’s hair. Then he’ll beat them up.

The Brooklyn Brawler can’t believe high Bobby Heenan has taken him and he can’t believe how many wins he has.

The Bobby Heenan Show will indeed be on next week and Gorilla is as excited as we are.

From the War Memorial in Rochester, New York on June 28, 1989.

Hillbilly Jim vs. Boris Zhukov

Boris bails from the threat of a horseshoe and then bails again due to being a scared Russian. Back in and they lock up for the first time after more than a minute and take turns backing the other against the ropes. Jim stomps on his foot (which seems appropriate from him) and we hit the headlock.

With that broken up, Jim cartwheels away from the threat of a backdrop and stomps on Boris’ foot again. It’s time to start in on Boris’ leg but he comes back with a shot to the face. There’s a headbutt to rock Jim again but hold on as he needs to go look at the horseshoe. The distraction is enough for Jim to fight up, only to be sent into the corner. Boris charges into a raised boot in the corner to give Jim the pin at 4:38.

Rating: D+. He got pinned off running into a boot in the corner. What kind of a rating did you expect a match like this one to get? Nothing to see with the match, but the country boy beating up the Russian is going to work very well in the 80s. That’s the kind of thing you don’t get enough of today: very easily identifiable characters who you can understand in five seconds.

Monsoon promises a new cohost.

Monsoon again promises a new cohost to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I know there isn’t much in the way of quality wrestling on the show but that’s not the point of Prime Time. This show is about making the people in the company look good and letting you know what you might be seeing if you take in a house show. Think of it like window shopping via television, and in that regard, it worked rather well. Fun show too, especially with such a focus on Monsoon vs. Heenan, which always worked.

 

 

 

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Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

So it’s 1991 now and the US is at war (kind of). Therefore, the main event here, other than the Rumble of course, is Warrior defending the world title against Slaughter. This is a major changeover from the old Rumble formula which was a bunch of nothing matches followed by the big battle royal to close the show. Well at least on PPV that is. This would become the norm after this (other than in 1992) so let’s get to it.

We open with the national anthem to really hammer home the AMERICA ROCKS theme.

We get the usual list of a bunch of people in the Rumble.

Piper goes on one his big America rants about how much he loves the troops.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express are Kato and Tanaka. Kato is a white guy named Paul Diamond in a mask pretending to be a Japanese guy. Shawn gets jumped to start and hit with a big double backdrop. Marty dropkicks Kato to the floor and superkicks Tanaka down as the Rockers take over. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives to take the Express (popular names for tag teams no?) down on the floor.

The crowd is LOVING the Rockers here because they’re AMERICAN! Jannetty and Kato start things off with Kato getting caught in a headlock. Things speed up already and Marty controls with a headscissors on the mat. That gets turned into a backslide for two for Jannetty and we have a standoff. Marty makes the Express collide with each other before working on Tanaka’s arm.

Shawn comes in off the top with another shot to the arm but Tanaka comes back with a kick to the face and a chinlock. We get an overly complicated running the ropes spot which results in the Express having their heads rammed together. It’s still Tanaka vs. Shawn here and we go from a chinlock to a sleeper by Shawn. Marty tries to come in for no apparent reason, allowing Kato to blast Michaels in the back to give the Express control for the first time.

Everything breaks down and we get multiple do-see-do sequences, finally resulting in the Express being rammed into each other and being sent to the floor. Shawn busts out a kind of prototype 619 before the Rockers dive on both members of the Express in a cool spot. Back to Kato vs. Marty and we hit another chinlock. Shawn comes back in for a vertical suplex but Tanaka breaks up a monkey flip by guillotining Shawn from the apron.

Tanaka comes in and we get the World’s Greatest Tag Team spot of Tanaka jumping over Kato’s back to land on Shawn’s back as Shawn is draped over the ropes. A shot to Shawn’s throat keeps him down and it’s off to the nerve hold. Things slow down a lot as Kato comes in to chop away. A superkick puts Shawn down again (how appropriate) but he comes back by slamming Tanaka’s face down into the mat.

The place is really getting into the Rockers here as Kato takes his belt off. The Express tries to clothesline him with it but Shawn dives onto the belt to ran both Express members into each other. Hot tag brings in Marty to clean house and a powerslam gets two on Kato. Tanaka breaks up a backslide attempt so Shawn trips up Kato to retaliate. Everything breaks down again and Tanaka breaks up the Rocket Launcher. Kato slingshots Marty into a Tanaka chop and Jannetty is in trouble. They load it up again, but Shawn blasts Tanaka, allowing Marty to counter the slingshot into a sunset flip on Tanaka for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B+. This would have been a masterpiece if they had cut out a minute or two of the chinlocks. Still though, this follows the Nitro formula to the letter: take four small guys, give them a long time, get an exciting match. That’s the perfect choice for an opener and it worked well here. The Rockers would continue to be awesome for the rest of the year until splitting in December in the famous Barber Shop incident.

Macho Man wants a shot at the winner of the title match. Slaughter has agreed to this idea for some reason, and Sherri is on her way to the arena to get Warrior to agree to the same.

Here’s Sherri on the platform (yeah back then they had an interview platform along with the one in the back) to call out Warrior. Savage is watching in the back and Sherri takes forever to get Warrior to come out. She begs the patriotic Warrior and tries to seduce him (oh dear that’s a terrifying thought) and gets on her knees, only to have Warrior shout NO. Savage LOSES IT in the back over this. Somehow these segments took like seven minutes.

Big Bossman vs. Barbarian

This is part of a storyline that worked quite well until the ending. Rick Rude had insulted Boss Man’s mother, but Boss Man was told he had to beat every member of the Heenan Family before he got a match with Rude. Unfortunately Rude left the company before Boss Man got to him so Boss Man got Mr. Perfect at Mania….but he didn’t win Perfect’s IC title and that basically ended the storyline. Still though, the build was good and it gave Boss Man something to do for months. The eventual payoff was him literally dropping a big metal ball on Heenan’s ribs.

Anyway Barbarian pounds away to start but gets kicked in the head and elbowed down. They head to the floor for Boss Man to send Barbarian into the post before heading back inside. Barbarian goes up but jumps into a punch, sending him right back to the floor. Barbie suplexes him down and punches Boss Man in the face, knocking him into the ropes where his feet get tied up.

Barbarian pounds away a bit before ramming Boss Man back first into the post. Off to a bearhug by Barbarian followed by an elbow for two. Back to the bearhug for a little bit longer until Boss Man headbutts (bad stereotypes!) his way out. A splash in the corner misses and Barbarian gets two off a rollup, only to have Boss Man get the same off a clothesline. They hit head to head and both guys go down.

Barbarian is on his feet first and goes up and hits his top rope clothesline for two. There’s the Boss Man Slam but Boss Man walks around before covering, allowing Barbie to grab a rope. An awkward looking piledriver puts Boss Man down for no cover again. Barbarian goes up for a cross body of all things but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a fine match but the ending is kind of weird. I have no idea why they didn’t have the Slam end the match here but for some reason it kept going for another minute or two afterwards. Still though, decent enough match and Boss Man was just CRAZY over at this point. The hot crowd helped a lot here.

Slaughter and General Adnan rant for a bit and say Slaughter is winning the title tonight. For some reason while Slaughter is talking they shift to another camera so he has to turn ninety degrees.

The Warrior isn’t worried about Slaughter and says he’ll give the orders tonight.

Quick recap on the world title match: Slaughter is a former American patriot and is now changing over to Iraq because he’s that kind of a villain. Warrior is defending and that’s about all there is to it.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla gives a disclaimer, saying that Slaughter and Adnan’s views don’t represent those of the WWF or most of America. If that was anyone other than Gorilla Monsoon, I’d say he wasn’t allowed to speak for America, but Gorilla Monsoon speaks for me. There’s a t-shirt idea in there somewhere. The belt is purple tonight in case you’re wondering. Yeah Warrior went a bit nuts (shocking I know) with having multiple belt colors for some reason. The heels try to attack him with the Iraqi Flag but Warrior will have nothing of it and clotheslines them both down.

Slaughter gets the flag shoved into his mouth and Warrior pounds away. He chokes Slaughter with said flag and chops away in the corner as Slaughter is in trouble. Warrior sends Slaughter into the corner for his over the buckle bump to the floor. Here’s Sherri to trip up Warrior and draw him back up towards the entrance. Savage is waiting on Warrior and beats the tar out of the champion with light fixtures as Slaughter gets a breather.

The Sarge wisely stops the count a few times, allowing Warrior to get back in. Slaughter pounds away in the corner as he starts softening up the back for the Camel Clutch. Apparently the middle eastern moveset comes with becoming an Iraqi sympathizer. The crowd absolutely HATES Slaughter here and boos anything he does. Warrior gets sent into the buckle but they clothesline each other down. Naturally a single clothesline is enough to counteract that long run of offense by Slaughter and get us back to even.

Slaughter gets up first and puts on a bearhug for a LONG time. Warrior breaks it up but walks right into a backbreaker for two. There’s the Camel Clutch but Warrior’s legs are under the ropes. Warrior Warriors Up and beats Slaughter down but here’s Sherri again to frenzy up the crowd. Warrior loads her up in the gorilla press and throws her onto a charging Savage in the aisle. Savage pops up again and blasts Warrior in the face with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow for the pin and the title, STUNNING the crowd.

Rating: D+. The match was dull for the most part but the heat was insane. The crowd audibly calls this BS and you can’t really argue that point. Aside from that, this sets up Wrestlemania really well, as we need a REAL AMERICAN to take the title back. Pay no attention to the fact that the war had already been over by Wrestlemania.

Gorilla LOSES IT when the title change is announced.

Koko B. Ware vs. The Mountie

The crowd is still in shock at this point so here’s a match to pass some time. Mountie has Jimmy Hart with him here and is doing the shock stick gimmick still. A lot of stalling to start things off here until Koko hits that dropkick of his. Ware cranks on the arm after Mountie hides on the floor for a bit. Mountie backdrops him to the floor in a big bump and takes over. Hart gets in a shouting match with Frankie the parrot as this match drags on and on. Koko gets a quick two on a sunset flip as Jimmy argues with Frankie some more.

A piledriver is broken up by Ware but Mountie pounds away even more to stop the comeback. Koko grabs a neckbreaker and hits a few headbutts to put Mountie down. The missile dropkick (Koko hits the kick and lands on his feet. That’s AWESOME) drops Mountie again and a cross body gets two. Koko hits the ropes a few times but charges into a…..into a……I think it was a choke takedown or something like that. Whatever it was it gets the pin for Mountie.

Rating: D. This match sucked but it was the only thing they could have done here. They had to do something to give the fans a chance to breathe after that previous title match and while it didn’t really work, they made the right move here. Mountie would be IC Champion the next year while Koko would be in a tag team I believe.

Savage says he’s the next WWF Champion and runs away with Sherri as he can hear Warrior pounding on the door.

Gorilla and Piper lament Warrior’s loss.

Slaughter says he told us all he’d win.

Gorilla and Piper rants some more.

Some fans get to send messages to some American troops in the middle east.

We hear about Hogan going to various American armed forces bases because he’s not allowed to go to Saudi Arabia at the moment. Thankfully Piper mentions that he and Hogan don’t agree on everything.

We hear from some Rumble participants: Roberts, Earthquake, Valentine, Tornado, the LOD, Undertaker (still with Brother Love), Duggan, Martel, British Bulldog, Perfect (IC Champion here) and Tugboat.

Piper talks about having lunch with Virgil today. Remember that.

DiBiase and Virgil are ready to face Dustin and Dusty. Ted talks about having bought and paid for Virgil, who glares as DiBiase talks.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

Post match we get the important part of the match. DiBiase yells at Virgil and says he’s tired of having to save his worker. He tells Virgil to get the belt and wrap it around his boss’ waist, but Virgil is mad. DiBiase keeps running his mouth, talking about how Virgil needs this job. DiBiase turns his back on Virgil and turns into a belt shot to the head, drawing one of the handful of pops in Virgil’s entire career.

Hogan is ready for the Rumble and wants the title from the un-American too. Gene tells Hogan that Slaughter might have just defaced the American Flag. Oh you know it’s on now. Hulk goes into such a rant that he forgets the name of the guy America is at war with (Sadaam Hussein) in a semi-famous bit.

Royal Rumble

Bret gets #1 for the second time in four years. He and Neidhart are tag champions here and he gets to face Dino Bravo at #2. Feeling out process to start until Bret clotheslines Bravo to the apron. Bravo comes back but misses an elbow. We go to an annoying wide shot as Greg Valentine is #3. I think he’s a face here but it was such an unmemorable turn that I can’t remember if it had happened yet or not. Well he’s fighting Bravo so I’d assume so. Actually he does a bit better than that by eliminating Bravo quickly.

Bret atomic drops Greg down and adds a clothesline for good measure but he can’t get the elimination. Here’s Paul Roma of Power and Glory at #4. Actually the team might have broken up by this point. Again they weren’t that memorable, just like most of this time period aside from the top stars. Bret rams their heads together, causing Roma and Valentine to fight for a bit.

Here’s Kerry Von Erich to give us I think three faces and one heel, or at least two faces a heel and a tweener. Bret misses an elbow drop off the middle rope and everyone pounds away on various people until Rick Martel is #6. Bret almost puts Martel out but Roma makes a save. Well no one ever accused him of being all that bright. Saba Simba (Tony Atlas as a tribal guy. It didn’t last long) is #7 as things continue to go slowly. Von Erich puts the Claw on Martel and that’s about the extent of the highlights.

To really liven things up, Butch is #8. That’s actually not sarcastic as the fans do the Bushwhacker arm swing. Martel puts Simba out to keep us at an equal number of average guys and Bret. Don’t get me wrong: these guys are talented, but other than Bret, most of them never got above the midcard. Jake Roberts is #9 to go immediately after Martel and give us an actual feud (Martel blinded him, leading to an AWFUL blowoff match at Mania).

Martel bails under the bottom rope and Jake goes right after him through the ropes. Martel gets put on the apron and punched in the face as everyone else just punches people. Hercules is #10 to give us Power and Glory in the ring. Why would I have thought they were broken up? They had a match at Mania. Bret gets double teamed in the corner but nothing comes of it.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment at I think eight. Tito Santana is #11 as Roma misses a cross body to eliminate himself. FINALLY we get someone to clear some of these guys out with Undertaker coming in at #12. He’s still this unknown monster at this point and would be that for years. Taker puts out Bret as soon as he gets there and beats up Von Erich for fun. That could have been a solid house show feud.

Jimmy Snuka is #13 as Taker throws out Butch. There are still way too many people in the ring, as we currently have Valentine, Tornado, Martel, Roberts, Hercules, Santana, Snuka and Undertaker. Taker chokes on Von Erich a bit in the corner before shifting over to Valentine. The freshly returned British Bulldog is #14 and guess what happens. The correct answer would be nothing, so here’s Smash at #15. No one cares as Demolition would be done at Wrestlemania, so he’s another nobody for all intents and purposes.

Good grief there are ten people in there now. Martel gets knocked to the apron and FINALLY puts Jake out to get us down a little bit. Superfly headbutts Martel and Hercules for a reaction from the crowd and Hawk is #16. STILL nothing of note happens and it’s Shane freaking Douglas at #17. Taker FINALLY puts out Tornado and Hawk puts out Snuka to get the numbers down a bit.

No one is #18, which would later be revealed as Randy Savage, who isn’t in the match because he’s running from Warrior. This is called continuity, which you don’t get enough of in wrestling today. Animal is #19, allowing the LOD to double clothesline Taker out. Martel uses the distraction to knock Hawk out and we’ve got eight in there again: Santana, Martel, Smith, Smash, Animal, Hercules, Valentine and Douglas.

The ninth person in the ring and #20 overall is Crush, Ax’s replacement in Demolition. Jim Duggan is #21. I’m not saying much between the entrances because there’s nothing to talk about. Literally it’s people pushing others on the ropes and a lot of punching. WAY too many people in the ring again and the match is really dull so far. Martel gets caught by Animal but gets out via a thumb to the eye. That’s an exciting moment at this point.

Earthquake is #22, giving us an insane eleven people in the match at once. Animal staggers Quake with some clotheslines but a third misses, resulting in Animal getting dumped. Perfect is #23 to get us back to eleven in the ring at once. The first person he sells like a crazy man for: Duggan, but Jim gets eliminated by Perfect pretty quickly. I’m not going to bother listing everyone in there for awhile due to it being nearly impossible to tell. Seriously, that’s how full the ring is.

FINALLY Hogan comes in at #24 and you know some people are going out now. It’s Smash thrown out first and Hogan goes straight for Earthquake, who he was technically still feuding with at this point. Bulldog and Perfect have a very energetic slugout as Haku is #25. Hogan dumps Valentine after a near record breaking 44 minutes. Hogan finally gets his own shirt off as Martel and Haku fight.

Jim Neidhart is #26 as Earthquake dumps an exhausted Santana after thirty minutes. A bunch of heels work over Hogan in the corner but Shane Douglas breaks it up. In a semi-famous moment, Luke is in at #27 and is immediately dumped out by Quake after about four seconds. He immediately marches back to the locker room. Brian Knobs of the freshly debuted Nasty Boys is #28 and after doing nothing for awhile, he dumps Hercules.

Warlord is #29 and he goes straight for Davey Boy. Crush goes up on the corner to punch Hogan and deserves the elimination he gets for trying. Hogan clotheslines Warlord out as the ring is FINALLY emptying out a bit. Tugboat is #30, giving us a final group of Perfect, Tugboat, Knobs, Douglas, Neidhart, Martel, Smith, Haku, Earthquake and Hogan. Quake and Tugboat go at it as Knobs dumps Douglas. Brian Knobs gets to eliminate two people? Really?

Tugboat goes after Hogan but only gets him to the apron. Hogan gets back in and clotheslines him out to get us to eight. Bulldog dropkicks Hennig off the ropes to the floor and Martel, who has been in there over 50 minutes, shattering the record, puts Neidhart out. Bulldog dumps Haku and we’re down to five. Martel goes up top but gets crotched and clotheslined out by Smith. That puts us at a final four but Smith is put out before I can type out said four. We’ve got Knobs, Earthquake and Hogan. That’s a step below Rude, Hennig and Hogan last year I’d think.

The heels double team Hogan of course and Quake splashes him down. The Earthquake hits Hogan but it’s no sold as you would expect. Big boot puts Knobs out but Hogan can’t slam the fat man. Quake hits an elbow drop and a second one as Hogan goes into his spasms. There’s the powerslam, there’s the Hulk Up, there’s the big boot, there’s the slam, there’s the winning clothesline for Hogan.

Rating: D. This is one, if not the worst Rumble I’ve ever seen. It’s just boring all around and there’s no other word to describe it. There were at least three moments where there were TEN people in the ring at once. The prime option for the Rumble is about six to seven at most at a time, not freaking TEN. There was never a moment where this got exciting and it was really boring at times too. Not good at all here.

Hogan poses a lot and waves an American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener is really good but the rest of the show is mostly boring stuff. 1991 was a really boring time for the company and things wouldn’t pick up until the end of the year when Flair and Undertaker gave some jolts of life into things. This didn’t work for the most part though and it was a chore to sit through. Nothing to see here other than a really awesome tag match to open the show.

Ratings Comparison

The Rockers vs. The Orient Express

Original: A
Redo: B+

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

Original: B
Redo: C

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: D
Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D
Redo: D

Ted DiBiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Original: B
Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+
Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-
Redo: D+

What was I thinking on that DiBiase match? I must have REALLY liked the angle, but it happened after the match.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

 

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