Smackdown
Date: July 25, 2002
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s another big night for Smackdown as we have the in ring debut of Rey Mysterio as well as the Smackdown debut of Brock Lesnar, who Stephanie stole this past Monday. We’re also getting ready for Summerslam and that’s the best thing that could happen after a rather dreadful summer. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Stephanie introducing the show in a seizure inducing moment. See, Stephanie is all hip and cool and caters to the youth of the country with her hipness.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Henry shoves him around to start and just glares him Kurt for trying a suplex. Kurt is sat on top where Henry pats him on the head for fun. A missed charge allows Kurt to hit the first suplex and really take over. Another powerslam puts Angle down but here’s Lesnar to F5 Henry for the DQ. There was no one but Angle to be put in this spot right?

Angle follows Lesnar to the back and asks what was up with that. Brock was just trying to help Kurt out after Angle blew it at Vengeance. Now that Brock is here, Kurt’s time as the top star on Smackdown is over.

Stacy Keibler goes in to see Stephanie and offers to help her in any way possible. Stephanie has her answer the door, which is a flower delivery from Eric Bischoff, who will be here tonight. The vase is thrown against the wall.

Reverend D-Von vs. Big Valbowski

Hardcore Holly is in Val’s corner. Venis starts fast with a clothesline and big boot but both of them fall out to the floor in a crash. Back in and Venis gets two off a fisherman’s suplex with Batista making the save. The partners get in a fight on the floor, leaving Val to grab a Blue Thunder Bomb for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as D-Von’s reverend gimmick has basically stopped save for the theme song (which is still awesome). Venis and Holly are fine for a low level veteran team but I can’t picture them going any further than a single title shot and maybe not even on pay per view.

Batista cleans house post match. Just let him leave D-Von already and go after someone bigger.

On Stephanie’s orders, Stacy sends security after Edge.

Lance Storm and Christian are ready for their first title defense against the Rock and Hulk Hogan. That’s quite the step up.

Stephanie catches up with Edge, who assures her he isn’t leaving to sign with Raw. Instead he was going to the production truck with a tape. The tape starts rolling and it’s a countdown clock with about an hour and thirty seven minutes on it. That’s how long there is left in the show and in that time, Edge is going to get his hands on Chris Jericho inside a cage. Wait WHAT? It’s a video tape that seems to start with 97 minutes left and Edge got it into the tape player EXACTLY ON TIME??? Including being stopped by security and talking to Stephanie? She had to write this idea. Like, she had to. Only Stephanie could see this working.

Angle is on the phone with someone named Eric. It’s going to be his brother isn’t it?

Rikishi vs. Albert

Albert bicycle kicks him in the head at the bell for no cover. A few corner splashes set up a Vader Bomb for two but Rikishi gets in a DDT. The running hip attack in the corner sets up a Stinkface, followed by the Rump Shaker for the pin. What in the world is up with pushing Rikishi like this?

Stephanie (yes again) calls Angle and demands an explanation via voicemail.

Remember last week when we saw a video saying Rey Mysterio debuts in a week? Everything is still on schedule.

Tag Team Titles: The Rock/Hulk Hogan vs. Lance Storm/Christian

The Canadians are defending. Hogan and Storm start things off and guess what the fans are chanting. Storm gets in a clothesline to start and is quickly pinballed back and forth by right hands from the challengers. Wait, we need to stop and look at a worried Stephanie. Ok now that we’re done with that, let’s talk about how worried she is! Rock gets double teamed for a bit until a Samoan drop drops Storm like a Samoan.

Test breaks up the People’s Elbow though and you can hear the energy come out of the building. Back in and Test cuts off another comeback, followed by a superkick to give Storm two. Hogan comes in for the save but gets distracted to the floor by Test. Therefore there’s no one for Rock to tag so he waits about ten seconds and makes the hot tag on the second attempt. A double belly to back gets two on Hogan but it’s Hulk Up time, only to have Lesnar come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not the worst here but Rock could have been almost anyone. You really don’t need to tie this in to the Summerslam match as the idea is more about treating Brock like a monster. The match was as good as an average tag team facing two of the biggest stars of all time was going to be.

Lesnar orders Hogan’s limo driver to take himself and Heyman instead.

The announcers recap the talent stealing story. Would it kill Cole to wear a suit?

John Cena thinks Test has ugly teeth and gets slapped in the mouth for it.

Stephanie comes up to Jericho and it turns into an ad for the new Fozzy CD.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

I remember thinking that it was a different Mysterio since he had the mask back on. Rey starts fast with his variety of headscissors (smart way to go) but Chavo sends him into the corner to take over. We hit an abdominal stretch for a bit before Chavo drives him back first into the apron. Rey has enough of being on defense and busts out a big flip dive to knock Chavo silly. A sweet cradle gets two but a Gory Bomb plants Rey for the same. That goes nowhere so it’s the 619 (no pop yet and Tazz calls it the Six Nineteen) into the West Coast Pop (no name either) to give Rey his first win.

Rating: C. This could have been better by letting Rey fly around more but this is WAY past the point where he blew the doors off the place. That being said, he’s miles better than almost anyone in the division and it was another big name from WCW that could actually mean something in the future. In other words, it’s potential, which isn’t something you can never have enough of in wrestling.

In the back, Test lays Mysterio out.

John Cena vs. Test

Cena goes right for him to start but a hard knee to the ribs slows him down. A quick DDT gets Test out of trouble but let’s talk about Bischoff again! A Jericho style flying forearm drops Test again and the ProtoBomb gets two. Back up and Test tries a powerbomb but gets sunset flipped to give Cena another upset.

Rating: C-. I’m a Test fan (I think there are three of us) so I liked this a bit more than I should have. That being said, Cena really, really needs a finisher outside of a fluke rollup. That’s all he’s used to win so far and while it’s not great, the ProtoBomb would be fine for a finisher until he gets something better. Cena is good enough at the moment but he needs some upgrades.

Test kicks him in the face post match.

Stephanie calls Angle and basically rips him apart for not calling her back. If he’s going to Raw with Eric, the least he could do is tell her face to face. It’s going to be his brother isn’t it?

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Inside a cage and this is actually joined in progress. You don’t see that too often in a big match. Jericho goes head first into the cage and Edge rips some skin off his chest with chops. A spear up against the cage makes things worse but Jericho sidesteps a second attempt to send Edge into the steel. That means a nasty cut on Edge’s head and a sleeper drop gets two.

Back up and Edge ducks another charge to send Jericho into the cage but Edge can’t get out quite yet. A sitout gordbuster (not an inverted powerbomb Tazz) gets two on Jericho as they’re already trading big moves, though there’s not a lot of drama yet. Cole: “You’ve got to give the businesswoman Stephanie McMahon a lot of credit!” Well of course we do! We haven’t talked about her all match and just to be clear, she’s a totally professional businesswoman and our role model.

Edge escapes the Walls so Jericho goes for the door, giving us the fairly standard “heel grabs the chair right next to the door” spot. A very loud chair shot gets two with Edge’s spear connecting for the same. Both guys head to the top for a super bulldog from Jericho and it’s time for a double breather. Jericho goes up again and gets pulled right back down with a super electric chair for a nasty looking crash. Both guys are down but it’s Edge getting up over the top for the escape before Jericho can get out the door.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t the best cage match in the world as there wasn’t enough build to the big spot trading section. Edge going over clean is the only call here and now he’s beaten Angle and Jericho in back to back feuds. That’s how you build someone up and it’s a good sign when the fans are responding to someone rising up the ranks like this.

Post match the Un-Americans come in for the beatdown. Cena tries to make a save but instead it’s Mysterio diving off the cage to take everyone down.

Bischoff is in the parking lot so HERE COMES STEPHANIE! She tries to get into the limo while he talks about knocking Stephanie out. The limo pulls away with Eric laughing along with someone we can’t see. Angle comes up and Stephanie is thrilled because IT WAS HIS BROTHER ON THE PHONE! GEE! SHOCKING INDEED!  Stephanie wants to know who is in the limo to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I know I keep harping on this but Stephanie is already killing these shows. It feels like we have to stop and see whatever nonsense she’s up to almost every five minutes and it boils down to this Raw vs. Smackdown show. What that ignores though is the fact that you can watch both shows and not miss anything. The pay per views give you the payoff to all the feuds and the TV shows are on the same nights.

Why should I care if Bischoff and Stephanie are stealing talent from the other show? It doesn’t help that it’s treated as the biggest story in the company because that means we don’t really have an option other than watching As Stephanie’s World Turns. The wrestling wasn’t bad but it really feels like it’s a few miles behind the big story, which isn’t interesting.

Vengeance 2002
Date: July 21, 2002
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in an interesting place here as both shows have their first General Managers but the stories are hit and miss at best. The main event is the Rock, who has had one match since he came back, challenging Undertaker for the title in a triple threat also involving Kurt Angle. This is really just a pit stop before Summerslam though so let’s get to it.

We open with a Biblical passage talking about being your brother’s keeper. Somehow this is supposed to be about the main event. I’m pretty sure this is the Samuel L. Jackson speech from Pulp Fiction.

The show’s announcing will actually be divided in half with Smackdown commentary first and then Raw. I don’t remember them doing that very often.

Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero

Elimination tables match and the Smackdown commentary is already weird here as they have no connection to these guys. Benoit runs Spike over like he’s Chris Benoit and he’s wrestling Spike Dudley. A quick tag brings in Bubba, who can suddenly stick with Benoit and Guerrero.

Benoit quickly takes Bubba down and drops some running elbows, followed by the first German suplex. The heels take turns stomping away in the corner until it’s time for the first table. Spike makes a quick save but doesn’t make a tag, meaning Bubba’s beating continues. Now the table is set up in the middle of the ring so Spike has to save Bubba from a double superplex. By that I mean he moves the table instead of breaking it up so Bubba goes flying. Spike is a really, really bad partner.

That’s not cool with Benoit and Guerrero so they try to put Spike through the table, only to have Bubba tackle him down to prevent going through the table. So Bubba is a better partner too. Everything breaks down and Spike gives Benoit a top rope double stomp, followed by What’s Up.

Bubba’s middle rope splash only hits table, which doesn’t count as an elimination because it wasn’t an offensive move that put him through the table. Well yeah it was but it was Bubba’s own offensive move. Spike actually does something right by giving Eddie the Dudley Dawg through a table. It bangs him up too much though and Benoit throws him through a table of his own, only to get Bubba Bombed onto a table to give the Dudleyz the win.

Rating: C+. Stupid decisions by Spike aside, this was entertaining stuff and a good way to open the show. Now of course it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have Eddie and Benoit lose to Bubba and Spike of all people but you can’t expect WWE to get things right with them just yet.

Bischoff chases down HHH, who is going into Stephanie’s office. See, HHH is always negotiating.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Kidman is challenging and they exchange some fast near falls to start. A hurricanrana has Noble staggered and a Fameasser with Jamie in the ropes makes it even worse. Like a good heel should though, Noble hides behind Nidia and takes Kidman’s arm out to take over. The arm goes into the post but Kidman is still fine enough to dropkick his way out of trouble. Jamie takes him right back down into a Fujiwara armbar. The title has gone to Jamie’s head though as he thinks he can powerbomb Kidman, earning himself a Sky High for two. The Shooting Star press misses and a tiger bomb gives Jamie the clean pin.

Rating: C. This was fine as a coronation match to crown Rey Mysterio’s first victim for the title. Kidman is still one of the best performers on the roster but he’s stuck in the cruiserweight division again because everything that happened in the last year of WCW means nothing. I mean, it was worthless back then too but this just proves it even more.

Kurt Angle is ready to win the title when Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar come in for the dream match staredown. Brock wishes him luck and leaves. Kurt: “I hate pompous people.”

European Title: Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal

Jeff is defending and gets shouldered down for three early near falls. The sitout jawbreaker puts Regal down for two and they head outside, only to have Jeff miss the barricade running clothesline. Back in and Jeff’s Swanton (in case you had it confused with Regal’s Swanton) hits knees, only to have Jeff roll him up to retain.

Rating: D. Well that happened. This might as well have been on Raw because the title means nothing more than a way to fill time. Hardy retaining is fine and in theory should let him move on to his next feud but why would anyone want the thing at this point? It’s just a worthless belt and at least Regal holding it made sense. Now it’s a prop for Jeff, who is no more over now that he has the thing.

Hogan and Flair congratulate Jeff before shaking hands. Hulk thinks he might hit a Swanton of his own tonight. After that bizarre visual, Hogan wants to know what’s up with the new GM’s. Flair is worried about the young superstars getting caught up in the power struggle. I have no idea why this was added save for giving Flair a cameo and therefore a payday.

Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Rematch from Smackdown where Jericho got disqualified. Jericho is all ticked off and grabs a chair before the bell, only to have Cena take it away and blast Jericho over the back. Now we get the bell because anything that happens before the bell only counts when it’s important to the story. Cena gets in a few right hands until a shot shot slows him down and calms Canadian fans everywhere. A few more right hands put Cena down and he even throws in a little shuffle.

Chris takes too long going up and gets caught in a superplex but Cena can’t follow up. Instead he misses a dropkick, only to roll away from the Lionsault. The second attempt works but Jericho doesn’t want to cover. Chris tries the Walls and is quickly small packaged for the pin.

Rating: C-. Cena getting the win is a big deal for him but you can only give him so many flukes before he needs some kind of big offense of his own. At the moment he’s just a tough rookie, which is fine for a start, but he needs something more substantial going forward. For now though it’s fine as the long list of pins over Jericho begins.

Jericho has a fit after the match.

Bischoff fails to stop Stephanie’s attorney from going into her locker room.

The commentary switches up.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is challenging after defeating Van Dam in the King of the Ring final. Some quick strikes have Brock on the floor, followed by some kicks to the knee. Lesnar gets knocked outside a second time but he easily catches Rob diving through the air for a powerslam. Back in and it’s suplex time but Rob escapes a second and kicks Brock in the face. Heyman: “THAT HAD TO HURT!” They’re doing a good job here of showing that only strikes work on Brock as all of Rob’s high flying has gotten in trouble.

An attempt at a monkey flip sends Rob over the top and into the steps, followed by the bearhug to keep things slow. Brock makes it even better with an abdominal stretch which lasts as long as your average abdominal stretch is going to last. The top rope kick to the chest sets up Rolling Thunder for two on Brock. Heyman’s advice in this situation: “DON’T LOSE!” The F5 is countered into a tornado DDT and Rob adds the Five Star, causing Heyman to pull the referee for the DQ. Big pop for Van Dam retaining the title.

Rating: D+. There’s just not much left to do with Brock other than put the title on him and hope for the best. He’s dominating everyone he faces until Heyman has to save him at the end. Thankfully WWE wasn’t stupid enough (yet) to set up a champion vs. champion match on pay per view because they still realized you could do two title matches and get twice the impact.

Post match Heyman breaks up the Van Terminator, allowing Lesnar to F5 Van Dam onto a chair.

Stephanie comes out of her office and says he signed in her intimidating voice. HHH comes out a second later and Bischoff yells at him. It turns out though that those were divorce papers and HHH hasn’t made up his mind. Sweet goodness why am I supposed to care about this stupid stuff?

Big Show vs. Booker T.

No DQ and a rematch from Raw. In other words, the same story as Jericho vs. Cena from Smackdown plus the stipulation. Booker’s early kicks are pulled out of the air as Big Show sends him flying. An enziguri slows Show down but that’s a bit too much selling so he clotheslines Booker outside.

A chair swing is punched out of the air but since this is Big Show, he screws up by clotheslining the post. They fight behind the announcers’ table as this is finally starting to play towards the gimmick. A monitor shot to the head knocks Show down and we get the big spot of the match with an ax kick through the table. Back in and another ax kick sets up the Houston Hangover to give Booker the pin, which is treated like a huge upset.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t anything great but the important thing here is Booker going over. Beating Big Show isn’t going to change his career or anything but it’s a sign that WWE is actually doing something with him. Not a great match of course as Big Show is mostly worthless at this point, though he’s fine for a punching bag.

Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie argue over who is winning the main event.

Here’s HHH for the big contract decision. Bischoff comes out for the first pitch and suggests making HHH a movie star because everything will be business., meaning there’s no ex-wife to deal with on Raw. Talk of a sneaker deal brings out Stephanie with that horrendous “I’m all grown up” theme and Lawler saying she’s hot.

Stephanie brings up their past successes and says it’s all personal this time around. She even has an ace in the hole by bringing up Bischoff calling HHH a no talent back in the day. HHH insults them both and says he could say screw you to both of them, though Stephanie would like it. He’d rather go with the devil he knows (Stephanie)…..and here’s Shawn Michaels.

Shawn said he’d come out here but he doesn’t want to get in the middle of all this. The NWO is out of business and Shawn wouldn’t want to be in HHH’s shoes. However he wants HHH to remember something. The two of them had more fun together than anyone else ever and it would be a blast to make Bischoff miserable. HHH hugs Shawn and goes to Raw, wrapping this up at just shy of sixteen minutes, or longer than any match so far.

Actually we’re still not done as Bischoff has to rub Stephanie’s nose in it to make this even longer. Bischoff: “The one big difference between you and I? I’ve got testicles and you don’t.” Stephanie slaps him and leaves to her music to make sure we know she’s tough. So yeah, Stephanie is all awesome and amazing but Raw got HHH because like he was going to stick around on Smackdown.

Now we go to Rikishi of all people to hear about HHH leaving Smackdown. He thinks it’s bad.

Booker is glad HHH is coming to Raw. Are we really having a post announcement reaction show?

Tag Team Titles: Hulk Hogan/Edge vs. Un-Americans

Lance Storm and Christian are challenging here with no Test in sight. During the entrances, JR outdoes himself by saying Wrestlemania III was 15 years ago and saw Hogan face Ultimate Warrior. He then corrects himself by saying it was Wrestlemania VI because Wrestlemania III was here in Chicago.

Hogan dumps Christian out to the floor to start and there goes the bandana. Storm gets punched in the face as Lawler is talking about bra and panties. It’s off to Edge for some right hands in the corner, only to have Christian offer some cheating to take over for the first time.

The fans want Hogan as Edge fights out of a chinlock. It’s back to Hogan for the usual with the legdrop getting two on Christian as Storm saves. Hogan is sent outside for the superkick from Storm and the stomping begins. It ends just as quickly though with a double clothesline to drop Storm and Hogan.

The tag brings in Edge for a series of clotheslines and the ref gets bumped. Cue Test for the big boot to Edge, giving Storm two. They actually had me on that one for a second. Rikishi waddles down to deal with Test, allowing Jericho to come in and hit Edge with a belt for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. Not much to the match here but again they get the booking right by using Hogan and Edge as a transitional team to get the belts on a regular team. The Un-Americans aren’t the best act in the world but I’ll take them over thrown together teams like Rikishi and Rico.

Bischoff tries to get Angle on Raw. Kurt says they’ll talk later.

Stephanie promises to win the war because she’s in contact with EVERY Raw superstar.

The announcers recap the show.

We recap the World Title match. Rock tried to cost Undertaker the title at King of the Ring so Undertaker wanted to fight him. Then Undertaker vs. Angle went to a draw so Angle was added to this match.

Undisputed Title: Kurt Angle vs. The Rock vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending and comes to the ring without his bandana for a weird look. It’s a three way staredown to start with Undertaker and Rock jawing at each other while Angle waves his arms behind them. That earns him a double right hand and a big clothesline to send him outside.

Undertaker gets the same treatment but Kurt slides back in for a belly to belly on Rock. The champ takes Angle’s place and gives Rock a side slam for two. To really mix things up, Rock chokeslams Undertaker, which is pretty much just a release Rock Bottom anyway. All three are back in now and Rock grabs a horrible, HORRIBLE ankle lock on Kurt.

Angle gets out and Rock Bottoms Rock, only to get Angle Slammed by Undertaker. Cute sequence though Rock’s ankle lock was worse than his Sharpshooter. The spinebuster sets up the People’s Elbow with Angle pulling Rock to the floor and stealing the two count. Everyone heads outside with Rock being dropped onto the announcers’ table and Kurt getting busted open.

Old School, with a right hand to the face instead of the shoulder, gets two on Angle. The running DDT gets the same on Rock, who doesn’t even need help kicking out. Angle brings in a chair but gets caught in the middle of alternating right hands. The ref gets bumped (of course) and one heck of a chair shot knocks Undertaker out. An Angle Slam drops Rock as the referee is back up (good) but he kicks out at two and puts Angle in the Sharpshooter.

Undertaker saves and gives Rock the Last Ride, only to have Angle break it up with the ankle lock. That’s rolled through and now it’s the triangle choke that made Undertaker tap a few weeks ago. Rock makes a save this time and gets ankle locked, which is quickly escaped as well. A Rock Bottom gets two on Undertaker but he walks into the Angle Slam. One more Rock Bottom puts Kurt away to give Rock another title.

Rating: B. The over hyping hurt this as JR made it sound like the greatest thing he had ever seen. It’s certainly good and entertaining with the stolen spots sequence being one of the better parts but Rock winning the title by beating Angle isn’t great. Then again that’s how triple threats work most of the time and Rock is just holding it for Lesnar anyway.

Overall Rating: C-. This is such a forgettable show and there isn’t much other way to put it. The main event was very good but that’s really about it. Maybe they could have had a better match in the middle if we didn’t need a fifteen minute HHH announcement but that’s where the money is in this company, or so WWE would tell us. There’s just not much to say about this one and it shows badly. Summerslam will be the bigger deal though and that’s what really matters.

 

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Smackdown
Date: July 18, 2002
Location: First Union Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Vengeance but the bigger story here is the in ring return of the Rock who will be facing Kurt Angle to warm up for his World Title match on Sunday. Other than that we get to meet the first Smackdown General Manager, who I’m sure won’t be a huge disappointment and create a bunch of plot holes. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Eric Bischoff being announced as the Raw GM. Bischoff has promised to show up tonight and sign Rock, which apparently you can just do. The idea here is that he likes to steal talent, though I’m not sure why Vince would care since he owns both shows.

Opening sequence.

Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Cena starts fast as has been his custom so far but misses a charge, sending him flying out to the floor. Back in and Jericho takes too long on top, allowing Cena to dropkick him down. A belly to belly and DDT get two each on Chris so he hits Cena low for the quick DQ.

Post match Jericho puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho and beats him down with a chair.

A smiling Bischoff arrives.

Bischoff goes looking for Hulk Hogan. Hint: it’s the room with the HULK HOGAN sign on the door. Hulk doesn’t seem interested and tells Eric that they’re not down south anymore. Eric asks if Edge is really attached to Smackdown but Hulk still doesn’t seem convinced.

Hurricane vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo slaps the handshake away and gets taken down by a neckbreaker. Hurricane blows his knee out on a leapfrog though and Chavo wraps it around the post. The Tree of Woe makes things worse but Hurricane grabs him by the throat. Cole: “I think it might be the chokeslam!” That’s enough of a tip off for Chavo to take the knee out again. The knee is fine enough for a Shining Wizard and Blockbuster for two each but Chavo gets all fired up. A Brock Lock with Chavo lifting Hurricane up for a kind of powerbomb sets up an STF to make Hurricane tap.

Rating: C. The match was fine though I’d still like to point out that Chavo isn’t interesting on his own. He’s someone who really needs a gimmick because there’s just not enough there on his own. He looked extra vicious tonight though and the leg work was good stuff. Chavo can wrestle a totally acceptable match but that doesn’t mean he’s interesting.

Chavo is sick of these Rey Mysterio videos and challenges him to a match next week.

Vince arrives.

Rico offers Bischoff his services but Eric runs into Vince. Eric says he’s off to see the Rock to show off ruthless aggression.

Undertaker had a sitdown interview earlier (that’s not something you see every day) which he turns into a promo about how Rock and Angle are in for beatings. He and Angle could fight a thousand times and Kurt could never make him tap. This was a pretty rambling promo but Undertaker doesn’t get a lot of practice.

Billy and Chuck vs. Hardcore Holly/Big Valbowski

Billy punches Holly down in the corner to start but Hardcore hits his kick to the very lower ribs (Tazz: “This might not even hurt Billy!”) to take over. The partners come in with the veterans keeping Chuck in trouble. A belly to belly puts Hardcore down but the advantage lasts all of a few seconds until a double clothesline drops both of them. Venis gets a hot tag with what had to be a sweetened crowd pop. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam into the Money Shot finishes Billy.

Rating: D+. Sure why not. It’s not like the tag division has anywhere to go but up so give a new team a win to make them players. I know it’s not much and Holly/Venis aren’t going to be anything serious but it’s better to try to do something instead of running the same teams over and over again. Also, you can almost guarantee a passable match from the veterans and that’s better than taking a gamble on someone who won’t go anywhere and could put on a disaster.

Edge/Hulk Hogan/Rikishi vs. Un-Americans

It’s Edge and Storm to get things going and the other Canadians are quickly tripping Edge from the floor. The fans already want Hogan as we take an early break. Back with Edge still in trouble, including a chinlock from Test. The big boot misses though and Edge gets in the half nelson faceplant but Storm breaks up the tag. Do Canadian schools teach you how to cut off the ring? Edge powerslams Lance and brings Hogan in as everything breaks down. Storm’s superkick triggers the Hulk Up but Test breaks up the Stinkface. Not that it matters as Edge spears Christian and hits the Edgecution for the pin on Storm.

Rating: C+. Totally fine six man here and, again, they kept Hogan’s in ring time limited. The fans love him and want to see him do his stuff so why let him ruin a match due to age and physical limitations? This was exactly what it should have been, save for Rikishi being a bit of an odd fit with the champs.

Bischoff gives Rock his sales pitch and Rock says he’ll be at Raw….because he’ll be the new Undisputed Champion. See, Rock could go on any show and be a success. Rock could even show up on Frasier and make it electrifying. Bischoff thinks Rock would have been great on Nitro but Rock says he was too busy helping to put WCW out of business.

Here’s Vince to announce the new GM. Before we get there though, Vince says any talent can negotiate with any show if they’re interested. The Smackdown General Manager tried to put Vince out of business as well and has a history of ruthless aggression. The new boss is…..Stephanie McMahon, because being banished FOREVER means less than four months. As expected, she takes WAY too long to get to the point while screeching a lot. Short version: HHH is signing with Smackdown and she’s going to throw Bischoff out.

Stephanie goes to the back in full power walk mode to find Bischoff talking to the Un-Americans. We get the big staredown that a total of four people care about. Bischoff is willing to leave but says a lot can happen in three days. He’ll see her at Vengeance, assuming her AMAZING PRESENCE doesn’t melt him before then.

So yeah…..this isn’t a surprise. Everyone knew Stephanie’s banishment would never last because WWE exists as a way to make her look awesome. Ignore the fact that people don’t care and Stephanie’s angry voice is more funny than intimidating. This is the new version of Vince vs. Flair and Stephanie is a weaker talker than either of them, meaning things are already looking down.

Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman

The announcers hit the “let’s praise Stephanie” button in a hurry as the match is easily ignored. Tajiri fires off some chops in the corner but the reversal is enough to make the announcers acknowledge the match, only 54 seconds after the bell. Kidman gets caught in the Tarantula and we hit a chinlock to keep things slow. A good superkick drops Kidman but he bulldogs Tajiri down and drops the Shooting Star for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a victim of time as there’s only so much you can do in about 3:45 with a chinlock in the middle and a crowd that is still annoyed at the Stephanie announcement. The cruiserweights are starting to get somewhere and it’s only going to get better with Mysterio coming in as the division’s star.

Jamie Noble comes after Kidman and, with the help of Tajiri’s mist, powerbomb him down.

Jericho goes to see Stephanie and is given a match with Edge next week. Swearing ensues after he leaves.

Rey Mysterio is here next week.

The announcers run down the Vengeance card.

Kurt Angle vs. The Rock

Before the match, Angle promises to make Rock tap. Undertaker comes out to watch so just pencil in the post match brawl now. Rock charges to the ring and does those one punch knockdowns. They head outside with Rock suplexing him on the ramp but getting catapulted into the post for one of those awesome bumps.

Angle stomps him down and gets two off a clothesline, only to walk into a belly to belly. There will be no suplexing our American hero though and the rolling German suplexes get two on Rock. Angle spends a bit too much time talking to Undertaker but is perfectly fine with more suplexes.

A long chinlock fills in some time before the Angle Slam, with Rock bumping so hard it almost looked like a reverse AA, gets two. Rock pops back up and grabs the quickly broken Sharpshooter. They head outside with Rock going after Undertaker, only to catch Angle in the spinebuster without much effort. The People’s Elbow is loaded up but Undertaker comes in for the DQ.

Rating: B-. Not a great match or anything but perfectly acceptable as a big time TV main event, especially with Rock making his big comeback here. The triple threat will be fine and as long as it gets the title off of Undertaker, everything will be fine. Angle and Rock always have chemistry together and this was good, especially given the circumstances.

Post match Angle chairs Undertaker down and puts Rock in the ankle lock.

HHH is going to his limo (Was he even on the show?) when Stephanie comes up to him. She wants to have a professional discussion with him but HHH only asks if she’s gaining weight. He gets in the limo and Bischoff is waiting for him. Stephanie shouts a lot (I’m shocked) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I really can’t emphasize how much that Stephanie announcement sucked the life out of this show. It really does make you realize how much none of this show or company matter because it’s all about the McMahons. Even the Rock, who might be the most charismatic wrestler of all time, could barely make a dent in what Stephanie brings to this show. It’s an entertaining night but you can really feel where things change all at once.

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