WWE Vault Grab Bag IV
Commentators: Marc Lowrance, Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura, Abraham Washington, Byron Saxton, Brett DiBiase, Matt Martlaro, Jim Ross, Chris Russo

This has become one of my favorite things to do lately as I’ll be looking at a totally random collection of matches from the WWE (or possibly WCW) Vault YouTube channels. You never know what they’re going to drop and it could be something even I’ve never seen before. We’ll be looking at another eleven matches here so let’s get to it.

From WCCW in Dallas, Texas, February 26, 1983.

Von Erichs vs. Freebirds

Lumberjack match. Hayes bails to the floor to start, which isn’t the most logical way to go in this kind of a match. Kerry and Gordy start things off and trade some fists until it’s quickly off to Hayes for the strutting. Hayes sends him into the buckle but gets punched down for two, meaning it’s off to David vs. Gordy.

David takes over rather quickly and hands it off to Kevin for the nice barefoot dropkick but Gordy sends him into the corner. Roberts comes in to choke on the rope and a pull of the trunks keeps David in trouble. A knee drop gets two and it’s back to Gordy to drive him into the corner. David gets a foot up to cut him off and it’s back to Kerry for the big hot comeback.

A snapmare into a knee drop has Gordy rocked but Roberts is right back in. Kerry gets dropped into a hammerlock and Hayes snaps the arm over the top rope. Hayes gets two off a hammerlock backbreaker and Kerry is sent outside where the lumberjacks…throw him back in without getting violent. Kerry manages the tag off to David and everything breaks down. Kerry and Roberts fight to the floor, leaving Hayes to come off the ropes with an ax handle. Kevin breaks up the cover though and David pins Gordy at 11:41.

Rating: B-. As usual, the match itself was only ok, but what mattered the most here was the crowd’s reaction. Make no mistake about it: nothing came close to getting this much heat in wrestling at this point, which is why WCCW is so fondly remembered to this day. It was the hottest feud in wrestling and that was the case for a very long time. Not great, but very entertaining.

Post match the Freebirds are ticked off before leaving. The Von Erichs thank the fans and want the World Title.

From Evansville, Indiana, February 3, 1998 in a dark match before Raw.

One Man Gang vs. Flanagan

The Gang gets quite the nostalgia pop and is a good bit slimmer than he was back in the day. Gang jumps him to start and chokes with a jacket before hammering away in the corner. Flanagan (Flash Flanagan, a longtime OVW star) comes back with a missile dropkick for one and some clotheslines, only to charge into a side slam. Gang splashes him in the corner but Flanagan is back with the usual assortment of strikes. Flanagan charges into a boot in the corner though and a huge clothesline puts him down again. The 747 finishes Flanagan off at 6:10.

Rating: C-. Oddly enough, the Gang didn’t look terrible here. He was out there doing his thing and looked decent doing it. The match wasn’t particularly good of course as Gang wasn’t great on his best day, but this was far from Earthquake’s disaster of an out of nowhere dark match. The other interesting thing is that Gang was only thirty seven here. It absolutely would not have been insane for him to still be going for a few more years so this was definitely worth a shot.

From New York City, New York, September 23, 1985.

Andre The Giant vs. King Kong Bundy

Yes this is the Colossal Jostle, which is a takeoff of Colossal Tussle, which was the planned name for the show that would eventually be dubbed Wrestlemania. Lou Albano and Jimmy Hart are here too. Andre powers him into the corner for the choke to start, with Bundy bailing out to the floor. Back in and Bundy hammers away in the corner but gets dropped with a quick headbutt. Bundy kicks him in the chest and boots him out to the floor for a change. Back in and Andre grabs an armbar and cranks away. Then he cranks some more.

Then they go to the mat with the cranking continues. We’ve been in this same hold for over three minutes now and there is just nothing happening. Wait, they turned over and rolled into the middle of the ring. Bundy FINALLY gets out of it after about four minutes and is headbutted outside for a heck of a bump. Back in and Andre wins a slugout before…well they might be loading up a tango. Bundy knocks him into the corner for more choking on the ropes but Andre cuts off a charge with a raised boot. Andre sits on Bundy’s chest but Big John Studd runs in for the DQ at 13:52.

Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness no. This was one of those matches where they were trying at the start and they could have done better if it was, say, eight minutes shorter. Having Andre work on the arm for almost a third of the match was quite the choice and it was hardly worth watching. They started fast and it was fun for a few minutes, but then reality set in and it got bad in a hurry.

Post match Andre rolls outside and grabs a chair, which he breaks over a table and chases the monsters off. Given that a ticked off Andre was a terrifying sight, I can’t blame them.

From WWC in Caguas, Puerto Rico, August 6, 1993.

Madusa vs. Luna Vachon

I believe that’s the date, as these two fought a few times in Puerto Rico around this time. They go to the mat to start with Vachon working on a hammerlock but getting reversed into a headscissors. That’s broken up and they head outside, with Madusa being sent (a long way) over the barricade.

Back in and Madusa grabs a slam but gets pulled into a nerve hold to put her back down. Madusa fights up and slaps her in the face a few times, setting up a chinlock. Vachon reverses into one of her own but that’s broken up as well, with Madusa grabbing a superplex for two. Back up and the missile dropkick misses for Madusa, allowing Vachon to get the quick pin at 7:30.

Rating: C-. Not exactly great stuff here, but women’s wrestling in 1993 was a very different universe. You could see the talent in there though and they were absolutely trying. It would have been nice to see things had they done this years later, but for now it’s certainly an interesting look at a rather different wrestling universe.

From New York City, New York, July 7, 2017.

US Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens

Styles is challenging at a house show. Owens stalls a lot before the bell and we’re clipped to more stalling, though the bell singes to have rang. The threat of a wristlock sends Owens bailing to the floor, with Styles following him out. Back in and Owens hammers away but his ram into the corner is blocked. Styles sends him into the buckle instead and they go outside, with Owens being sent crashing down.

Back in and the Phenomenal Forearm misses, allowing Owens to score with the superkick. Some right hands in the corner let Owens load up the Cannonball but Styles rolls outside, leaving Owens to chill on the top rope instead. A clothesline gives Owens two and we hit the chinlock.

We’re clipped to Styles getting pulled back down into the chinlock but he fights up again. A jumping enziguri puts Owens down as well and Styles hits the seated forearm. The belly to back faceplant gives Styles two but Owens bails from the threat of the Styles Clash. Instead Styles goes with the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two and they’re both down again. Another superkick gives Owens two but the Swanton hits raised knees. The Styles Clash gives Styles two and the Phenomenal Forearm connects to give Styles the pin and the title at 13:04 shown.

Rating: B. It’s no surprise that these two had solid chemistry together, but it’s also fascinating to see something like this happen at a house show. That really wasn’t the case most of the time but as usual, the Garden was just different. They had a good match, and Styles winning the title (even though he wouldn’t hold it long) is an easy way to go as Styles can make just about anything work.

Styles gets to celebrate for a long time and spends some time with the fans on the way out for a good moment.

From FCW in 2010/11. This is a bit different as it’s a look back at an entire rivalry with a few matches.

 

Queen Of FCW/Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Naomi Knight

From FCW TV, August 29, 2010. Winner take all and that would be the FCW Divas Title, not the main roster version. There are a bunch of Divas watching at ringside too. Lee shoulders her down to start but runs into the Rear View. A backslide with the splits gives Naomi two as commentary is having WAY too much fun looking at these two. Lee flips her over and hits a running knee for two but Naomi blocks a headscissors on the floor. They crash out to the floor and slug it out until it’s a double countout at 2:31.

AJ Lee vs. Naomi Knight

From FCW TV, September 29, 2010 and a non-title lumberjill match. Naomi grabs a headlock to start but gets kicked to the floor, where she is rather aggressively thrown back inside. Lee grabs the chinlock but Naomi sends her outside, where the lumberjills throw her back inside as well. Washington: “That kind of turns me on.” Sweet goodness this guy is insufferable. Back in and a Rear View drops Lee again but she’s right back with a tornado DDT for two. Lee goes up but gets leg lariated out of the air to give Naomi the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C. Not much to see here, but this was a VERY different time for women’s wrestling. These two weren’t exactly given much time (as we’re at less than six minutes over two matches) and while it seems there is a story, it definitely feels like FCW saying “here’s a women’s match”. You need a bit more than that, though this was on the higher level of women’s wrestling at this point.

Divas Title: Naomi Knight vs. AJ Lee

From FCW TV, January 23, 2011 and Naomi is defending. Lee takes over to start and sends Naomi outside. Back in and Lee grabs a chinlock but Naomi fights up without much trouble. A spinning kick to the head gives Naomi two but a slingshot rollup is broken up. Lee knees her in the face for two, followed by the yet to be named Black Widow. That’s reversed into a backbreaker for two more but Lee is back up with a standing Sliced Bread #2 for the pin and title at 5:04.

Rating: C. This got a bit more time and that did help, but there is still only so much to get from this kind of a match. At least they were able to fit in a bit more with Lee evening the series. They’re also getting the chance to showcase their talents more each time and that was a great thing to see, as it was basically a preview of the coming years.

Divas Title: Naomi Knight vs. AJ Lee

From FCW TV, March 13, 2011 and Lee is defending. Lee takes her down into an early Fujiwara armbar. The Rear View connects but Naomi misses a big crossbody into the ropes for a heck of a crash. Lee is right back on the arm but Naomi kicks her down again. Naomi fires off more kicks, only to get kicked down out of the corner. The standing Sliced Bread #2 finishes for Lee at 1:34. Well that was pretty definitive.

From Portland, Maine, July 21, 1992. This is a dark match from a TV taping (they taped shows for different series that day), including the first ever WWF ladder match between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels.

Undertaker/Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair/Berzerker

Holy Lethal Lottery match! Paul Bearer, Mr. Perfect and Mr. Fuji are here too and this actually aired on a German WWF show later in the year (plus on a Randy Savage Unreleased DVD). We get the big staredown to start until Savage (the WWF Champion) grabs the mic for an OH YEAH. Savage and Flair start things off as we’re over two minutes in with no contact yet.

Flair does the hand slap and then slicks back his hair, meaning it’s finally time to lock up with about two and a half minutes burned off. Savage’s headlock is quickly reversed but he’s right back with a hammerlock. Flair bails to the rope so Savage slaps him in the face to make it more serious. Another slap has Flair down on one knee, with Perfect not exactly happy with any of this.

Flair does a rare leapfrog before getting dropped with a clothesline, meaning it’s off to Undertaker. The forearms and chops in the corner have as much effect as you would expect so Undertaker hits a gorilla press (and seems to stumble a bit as he slams Flair down). It’s off to Berzerker, who gets choked into the corner but knocks Undertaker outside. That’s fine with Undertaker of course, who sends Berzerler’s hands into the steps for some rather hilarious staggering selling.

Back in and Savage’s top rope ax handle gets two but Berzerker tosses him into the corner to take over. Flair comes in for a running chop and we hit the chinlock. Savage is tossed outside for a cheap shot from Perfect and Berzerker gets to toss him outside as well. The ring mats are pulled up and Savage gets caught underneath them for a bit of a weird spot. Back in and Savage gets tied up in the ropes but gets out and crawls over to Undertaker for the big tag. We don’t waste time as it’s a Tombstone to Berzerker, a clothesline to Flair and the big elbow to pin Berzerker at 13:37.

Rating: B-. Oh of course this was fun. There was pretty much no way that they weren’t going to have a good time out there, as it was the always effective idea of combining two feuds into one. I had a good time with this and it’s the kind of rarely seen match that is worth looking at all these years later. Come on. Savage and Berzerker? Undertaker and Flair? What’s not to like?

From Hartford, Connecticut, August 27, 1986, a dark match from a Wrestling Challenge taping.

Hulk Hogan/Junkyard Dog vs. Paul Orndorff/Adrian Adonis

Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart and Bob Orton are here too as Lord Alfred Hayes is ring announcer, which oddly works. Orndorff charges at Hogan and hammers away to start but Hogan fights back with right hands of his own. Hogan clears the ring of all the villains, both the legal and illegal ones, before hitting a jumping knee of all things to Orndorff. They fight out the floor with Hogan hammering away even more, followed by Dog coming in for right hands of his own.

The all fours headbutts have the villains down again and the crowd is going insane for all of this. There’s a bunch of trash thrown in and we settle down to Dog vs. Adonis (which thankfully allows Orndorff to fix his trunks, which were riding up). Dog wastes no time in sending Adonis outside, where Orton gets in a cheap shot to take over. Hogan isn’t having that but gets choked by some kind of a belt to put him down again. Back in and Dog headbutts Adonis, who flips around in quite the bump.

A double clothesline drops Adonis again but he’s able to come back with the sleeper. With Dog down, Orndorff adds a top rope fist drop and draws Hogan in like a moron. The chinlock goes on but Dog fights up and a double right hand puts both of them down again. Adonis is right there to cut off the tag though and a jumping elbow hits Dog. That doesn’t do much good though as Dog is up for the tag to Hogan a few seconds later, meaning right hands can come flying. Everything breaks down and Hart’s interference doesn’t work. Instead it’s the big leg to finish Adonis at 9:18.

Rating: B-. More entertaining stuff here, with Hogan of course being over like free beer in a frat house. You could pretty much put anyone with him and have them feel like a huge star, with the Dog already being a big deal on his own. That’s a pretty good situation to have and it worked again here. At the same time, Orndorff was absolutely white hot at this point and the best villain going, with Adonis being more than able to hang in there with anyone. Fun match.

Post match, a lot of posing ensues.

From the NXT pilot at Full Sail University in Winter Park, Florida, December 7, 2011.

Cody Rhodes/Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus/Daniel Bryan

Rhodes is the Intercontinental Champion and says tonight they have defied time because this is tomorrow’s superstars today. This makes you wonder what happens if tomorrow never comes, so what about the current champions? Rhodes asks the people if they know who he is, because he may be the ugly duckling of the Legacy but he is the future of the WWE. He’s ready to define Daniel Bryan but here is Bryan (with banged up ribs and his Money In The Bank briefcase) to cut him off.

With Rhodes’ future wife Eden Stiles out of the way, we’re ready to go. Rhodes shoulders Bryan down to start but gets kicked in the chest for his efforts. That earns Bryan an elbow to the bad ribs, allowing McIntyre to come in and stay on those ribs. Sheamus comes in and gets knocked into the corner by McIntyre. That doesn’t last long as McIntyre is knocked to the apron for the ten forearms. Rhodes is sent outside as well and Bryan adds a running knee from the apron.

We take a break and come back with Bryan giving McIntyre a dragon screw legwhip but McIntyre goes to the ropes to save himself. Back in and Rhodes goes after the ribs, only to get pulled into a surfboard. Rhodes gets rolled up for two and rolls outside, going all the way into the crowd. Sheamus comes in and unloads with forearms to Rhodes’ back, followed by a forearm to knock Rhodes out of the air. McIntyre gets a blind tag and boots Sheamus in the face for two as we take another break.

We come back with Rhodes’ front chancery setting up McIntyre’s suplex for two on Sheamus. It’s back to Rhodes to stomp away in the corner as JR says that Rhodes has the X factor and will be WWE Champion one day. Fair enough actually. Sheamus picks Rhodes up for a toss and it’s back to Bryan to back up the pace, including the running dropkick in the corner. The Swan Dive misses though and Bryan is sent outside for a drop onto the barricade.

Bryan is thrown back in for an abdominal stretch from Rhodes, which includes an elbow to the ribs. McIntyre’s gutbuster gets two and the abdominal stretch goes on again. This time it’s broken up with a hiptoss and they hit stereo crossbodies. Bryan slides through McIntyre’s legs and it’s back to Sheamus for the powerhouse comeback. The Irish Curse gets two on McIntyre with Rhodes making the save as everything breaks down. The Brogue Kick finishes McIntyre at 25:27.

Rating: B. The time helped here as they were able to tell a lot more of a story, which is always appreciated. At the same time, this is a situation where you have four talented wrestlers who were given the chance of showcasing their skills, which was a big deal on this kind of a show. I got into this one and it was indeed worth a look.

Overall Rating: C+. This started slowly but ended well and that made things good enough. The good thing here is that there was a wide variety of matches, which granted is always the high point of these things. It’s another great mixture of what you can see from the Vault and I had fun with it again, which hopefully continues for a very long time.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Must-See Matches Under 5 Minutes
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Terry Taylor, Michael Cole, Al Snow, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Rich Brennan, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Corey Graves, Alex Riley, Art Donovan, Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage

As usual, the name says it all and in this case, we should be in for something fun. There are some very good matches which didn’t get much time and I’m curious to see what they’ve found here. The video itself isn’t very long, but in this case that isn’t going to matter as it’s all about packing in content. Let’s get to it.

From Sunday Night Heat, February 28, 1999.

Undertaker vs. Kurrgan

Their respective stables are here too. Undertaker ducks a big right hand to start and slugs away, followed by the jumping clothesline. Kurrgan gets rocked in the corner and it’s a pretty good chokeslam to put him down for the (one boot on the chest) pin at 45 seconds. Well, that was certainly different.

From Velocity, June 8, 2002.

Test vs. Randy Orton

Orton had only debuted about a month and a half before this and Test jumps him to start fast. Test stomps away in the corner and Orton is sent outside. Back in and a dropkick sends Test outside for a change, only for him to come back in with a hard clothesline. A big running elbow misses though and Orton gets to fight back with a DDT giving him a breather.

The high crossbody gives Orton two but Test grabs the pumphandle slam for the same. Test misses the big boot and walks into the Overdrive, which only gets two because it’s that terrible of a finisher. Back up and the Test Drive (basically Cross Rhodes) finishes Orton off at 4:00.

Rating: C. This felt like it was on there for the sake of showcasing a young Orton, as the match is nothing of note. Test was getting built up to be fed to Brock Lesnar at this point, which puts him in pretty good company. It’s still weird to see Orton as a nobody, but the pieces were there to turn him into something, which worked out fairly well.

From Monday Nitro, December 29, 1997.

Cruiserweight Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Guerrero is defending and jumps Dragon in the aisle. They get inside with Dragon getting powerbombed but managing to escape something off the top. The super hurricanrana is countered but Guerrero tries another powerbomb, which is reversed into the Dragon Sleeper to give Dragon the title at 1:27. That was a nice surprise.

From Royal Rumble 2000.

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

This is Tazz’s surprise debut after weeks of vignettes. Angle tries to jump him to start fast but gets backdropped out to the floor. They go to the aisle (painted by a street) with Angle hitting a suplex to take over. A running forearm gives Angle two back inside and he goes up top, where Tazz crotches him down. The belly to belly superplex gets the pin…but Angle’s foot is on the rope. A bridging German suplex gives Angle two more but Tazz starts snapping off the suplexes. The Tazmission finishes Angle at 3:15.

Rating: C+. It was energetic, but there was something off about this one. You would expect Tazz to get a dominant win but instead he was beaten up for most of the match. At the same time, beating Angle (first time that had happened) was a big deal and Tazz looked good enough. The problem was that the Radicalz were coming and Chris Jericho and Angle were brand new. That’s not leaving Tazz much room to be the suplex guy and it didn’t work out too well. I mean save for the 20+ year broadcasting career that is.

From NXT Takeover: R-Evolution.

Kevin Owens vs. CJ Parker

This is Owens’ debut and believe it or not, he’s popular. The bell rings and Owens jumps him in the corner with a running clothesline. The Cannonball connects, Owens breaks up Parker’s sign (he cared about the environment) and Parker is sent outside for the running flip dive, giving Owens one of the best opening minutes in WWE history.

It showed you exactly what you could get out of him and made you want to see what was coming next. That’s not bad. Back in and Parker’s left hand and kick to the head actually have Owens down. The palm strike gives Parker two and Owens (bleeding from the eye) grabs a pumphandle backbreaker. The pop up powerbomb finishes for Owens at 3:15.

Rating: B. This still works, as Owens came off like an absolute star right out of the blocks. He ran through Parker and that is what should have happened, as Owens is instantly a player. They let him go out there and wreck someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by a loss and had just enough status for it to matter. Good enough squash, awesome debut.

From King Of The Ring 1994.

King Of The Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Well this is the gold standard of this kind of match. The Kid is coming in injured but is going anyway, with Hart dropkicking him through the ropes before the bell. A suicide dive mostly overshoots Kid but it’s enough contact for Hart to send him back inside. The top rope splash gives Hart two but Kid is right back with a spinning high crossbody for two of his own.

A rollup gives Kid two and he grabs the arm, meaning it’s time to trade spinning escapes. Kid kicks him down, only for Hart to come back with the enziguri for two. The northern lights suplex gives Kid two more, with Savage not believing that Hart made the rope. Hart is sent outside for another dive but he’s right back in with a bridging German suplex for two. They trade rollups for two each until Hart powerbombs him into the Sharpshooter and the win at 3:37.

Rating: A-. These guys felt like they were being given a chance to do whatever they want and that’s exactly what happened. They beat each other up and had the fans believing that the Kid could pull it off. It’s the match a lot of people think of when they think of great stuff in short order and it more than holds up all these decades later.

From WWE Speed, March 5, 2025.

Speed Title #1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: Yoshiki Inamura vs. Ivar

They trade shoulders to start and slug it out, with the fans rather approving. An exchange of German suplexes goes to Inamura for two and he strikes away in the corner. Ivar is right back with a spinwheel kick for two but Inamura’s spinning slam (that took some effort) gets the same. Ivar crushes him out of the corner but gets caught up top. That’s fine with Ivar, who hits a super World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:22. That was a hoss fight.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good case of “exactly as advertised” and it was a lot of fun. As usual with the WWE Vault, it was a nice mixture of stuff you probably remember along with some stuff you probably haven’t thought of in a long time. It was quick and to the point, which is exactly how the collection should have gone. Good stuff here.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

It’s kind of amazing how much this show has been forgotten in just about a year. Other than AJ Styles vs. John Cena, I can barely remember a single thing about this show. I know who won the Rumble and who were some of the bigger stars in the match but the rest is kind of a blur, which isn’t a good sign for what I’m in for here. Let’s get to it.

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

This would be the “throw all the Smackdown women into one match” match. Oh and dang I forgot how stupid the four person announcers’ booth on Smackdown was. It’s almost as stupid as having a 50,000 person dome and having a match an hour and a half before the show starts because THE PLACE IS FREAKING EMPTY! Like is anyone going to not watch this show on the Network if there isn’t a match going on the two hour pre-show?

This is mainly about Becky vs. James/Bliss and the rest are there because….well because the writers don’t know how to write singles matches for the women and still don’t do this day. For a secondary story, Natalya and Nikki are feuding because Natalya is jealous so she said that Cena will never marry Nikki. You know those are fighting words.

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

It’s another show posted to the WWE Vault and that means it is worth a look. The big feud on Raw is HHH vs. Randy Orton and his Legacy stable and that means it is time for a showdown in the Rumble. Other than that, Edge is trying to get the Smackdown World Title back from Jeff Hardy. Let’s get to it.

We’re in Detroit so naturally there is a car theme.

ECW Title: Matt Hardy vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. Hardy backs him into the corner as Striker explains what you need to do to win a title in WWE. Good information but Striker manages to sound annoying no matter what. They head outside with Hardy hitting a hard right hand, followed by a clothesline back inside.

We settle down to Swagger easily wrestling him to the mat, followed by a Gator Roll into a hammerlock. That’s broken up and Hardy grabs his running bulldog out of the corner for two. Swagger runs him over again though and we’re right back to cranking on the arm. A clothesline is blocked and Swagger kicks the bad arm (that’s smart) for two before working on it again.

Back up and Hardy gets smart by using the good arm for a clothesline. Another corner clothesline and bulldog get two on Swagger, setting up the middle rope elbow to the back of the neck for the same. Swagger goes after the arm again and takes Hardy up top, only to get knocked backwards for a not very elevated moonsault to give Hardy two. Back up and the Twist Of Fate is blocked, with Hardy being sent shoulder first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title at 10:28.

Rating: B-. The match was good enough but Swagger really isn’t that interesting. He’s a bigger guy and the Swagger Bomb looked good, but that’s about all he had going for him a lot of the time. Hardy was dropping back down the card and having Swagger beat him here wasn’t exactly a great sign for his career.

Hardy gets a slow walk out and sits on the steps. What a mopey Matt.

Randy Orton arrived earlier today and people weren’t exactly happy with him. He’s rather violent you see.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Phoenix is defending and has Santino Marella with her. Melina gets thrown down a few times to start so she tries striking away. That earns her another knockdown, only for Melina to start working on the arm. Phoenix isn’t having that and powers her up into the air for a drop onto the turnbuckle.

Something like an ankle lock works on Melina’s recent injury, but Phoenix cranks on it so hard that she makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head (that’s rather nuts when you think about it). With that broken up (and probably some leg issues), Melina fights out and gets two off a sunset flip, followed by…I’m not sure what happened but it looked like Melina dove into an atomic drop. Back up and Phoenix seems to try the Glam Slam but gets reversed into a cradle for the pin to make Melina champion at 5:57.

Rating: C. This was a bit better than what you would see from a lot of the women’s division around this point and that shouldn’t be a surprise. That being said, the only thing that really stood out here was Melina kicking herself in the back of the head (not something you often say). Good enough match here, but the women’s division was only starting to get it together again.

We recap JBL challenging John Cena for the Raw world Title. JBL wants the title and, because the economy was a big issue at this point, Shawn Michaels is broke and working for JBL as a result. Basically JBL is offering to pay off Michaels’ debts in exchange for helping him win the title. Michaels hates everything he has to do at the moment but does it because he has no other choice. As usual, JBL is only so interesting and is more surrounded by interesting people than anything else.

JBL tells Michaels that if he wins the title tonight, he’ll pay Michaels off in full and their arrangement is over. Then JBL leaves and Michaels runs into the Undertaker, who says it can be H*** getting to Heaven. And there’s your tease for the Wrestlemania masterpiece.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is challenging and has Shawn Michaels in his corner. As usual, Cena just looks weird with the Big Gold Belt. Cena headlocks him down to start but JBL reverses into one of his own as they’re starting fairly slowly. Back up and Cena elbows him for two, with JBL bailing to the floor for a chat with Michaels. Cena grabs a bulldog into the Throwback for two and they go outside, where JBL sends him into the steps for two back inside.

The pace slows WAY down (shocking I know) and JBL grabs a chinlock, followed by a side slam for two. Cena gets knocked outside for a whip into the barricade as JBL on offense continues to just kill any match. A superplex is broken up and Cena hits the top rope Fameasser for two as the comeback is on. The AA is broken up so Cena pulls him into the STF, leaving Michaels looking….we’ll go with sleepy.

Michaels touches the ropes so Cena lets it go, only to be kicked out to the floor for a crash. Back in and the Clothesline From JBL gets two but the referee gets bumped (it was a matter of time). Michaels gets in, superkicks JBL, stares a lot, and then superkicks Cena as well. He puts JBL on Cena and goes to leave, seemingly disgusted with himself. Another referee runs in to count two so Cena gets up and hits the AA to retain at 15:28.

Rating: C-. This is a case where the story works well on paper, but it’s just not that interesting. A good bit of that hangs on JBL, who could talk well enough and played an effective role, but he could not hang in the ring. The Michaels part was basically kicking the story to the next month and that’s only so good. Not much to see here, as even with Michaels, JBL felt like more of an annoyance to Cena than any kind of a threat.

We recap Jeff Hardy defending the Smackdown World Title against Edge. Hardy beat Edge (and HHH) at Armageddon back in December for one of the best feel good moments you’ll ever see in WWE. Then bad things started happening to Hardy, from someone nearly running him off the road to pyro burning his face. Someone is out to get Hardy, who thinks that Edge attacked him before Hardy’s title shot at Survivor Series, while Edge wants to prove that Hardy’s win was a fluke by taking the title.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy is defending and looks like the kid who got an ugly sweater at Christmas. Before the match, Vickie Guerrero comes out to make it No DQ and Edge has Chavo Guerrero with him. Hardy drives Edge into the corner to start and stomps away, followed by a running forearm. Edge bails out to the floor so Hardy gives chase, only to grab a chair rather than go in unarmed. This takes a bit too long though and Edge kicks him down, which isn’t a huge surprise given how long Hardy took.

That’s shrugged off and Hardy hits a basement dropkick before sending Edge outside for a big dive. Back in and Edge boots him in the face to break up a springboard and Hardy crashes out to the floor. Hardy gets sent into various things, including all three announcers’ tables, before getting kicked down back inside. A waistlock works on Hardy’s ribs and Edge pulls him down by the hair to cut off a comeback.

Edge gets frustrated so he tries a chair of his own but Hardy hits a running shoulder to knock him off the apron. That means a slingshot dive and they fight to the apron, where Hardy drops him again. Since it’s Hardy vs. Edge, Hardy pulls out a ladder and goes up but has to deal with Chavo. Hardy knocks him off the ladder and hits a dive before posting Edge, who has a piece of paper stuck to his back for some reason.

Ever the genius, Hardy hits a dive off the ladder to put Chavo through the announcers’ table (with the ladder slipping out from underneath him as he jumped for a scary near miss). Back in and Hardy gets two off a high crossbody but Edge boots him in the face for a double down. It’s time to take off a turnbuckle pad, which is enough of a delay for Hardy to hit a Whisper In The Wind for two more.

The back and forth continues with an implant DDT to give Edge another near fall. Hardy is back up with the sitout gordbuster, only to be dropped face first onto the exposed buckle for two more. Instead of countering, Edge tries the spear, which is countered into a Twist Of Fate. Cue Vickie to break up the Swanton but Hardy hits it anyway, only for Vickie to pull the referee. Cue Matt Hardy with a chair to cut Vickie off…and then chair Jeff down with a nasty shot to the head. Edge is stunned as he gets the pin and the title back at 19:24.

Rating: B. These two work well together but Jeff couldn’t have telegraphed the ending any more than when he came to the ring looking all upset. Matt’s turn at the end was a surprise way to go, even after the bit of a tease earlier in the night. Jeff fighting off the odds worked well enough, but at the same time he was going move for move with Edge and that part was even better. It was a good match and felt big, but the title change didn’t come off quite as big as the swerve.

We get the series of replays and rather sad voices from the announcers after the big betrayal. For once, they feel mostly earned.

Rumble By The Numbers!

22 winners (in 21 matches, but remember Luger and Hart were co-winners)

598 competitors

36 people that Steve Austin eliminated

11 people that Kane threw out in 2001

11 consecutive Rumbles for Kane

1 woman ever to enter, with Chyna

62:12 that Rey Mysterio lasted in 2006

2 seconds that the Warlord lasted in 1989

3 times that Austin won, the most ever

1, the number with the same amount of winners as number 30. As usual, only Shawn Michaels is mentioned as a winner from that spot

27, which has had 4 winners (John Studd in 1989, Yokozuna in 1993, Bret Hart in 1994, Steve Austin in 2001)

70% of winners who have gone on to win the World Title since 1993.

Some of these have of course been broken since, but dang this works every time.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Rey Mysterio is in at #1 and John Morrison is in at #2. Mysterio starts fast by sliding between Morrison’s legs and kicking him in the face but gets sent to the apron rather early. It’s way too early for that so Mysterio is back in with a springboard high crossbody into a rather spinny headscissors. Morrison manages to hang onto the top even through a dropkick and it’s Carlito in at #3.

The apple goes into Morrison’s face and a swinging neckbreaker drops Mysterio. Carlito’s double springboard moonsault hits Morrison and he stomps away in the corner until MVP is in at #4. MVP gets to fire off some shots, including the running boot in the corner, but Mysterio grabs a headscissors to slow him down. Great Khali is in at #5 though and everyone gets focused. They also get beaten up, with Mysterio’s springboard dropkick barely staggering Khali and the Backstabber not working at all. Everyone is down with no one out as Vladimir Kozlov in at #6.

Kozlov goes after Khali and eliminates him without much trouble (that’s fairly impressive) before dumping MVP as well. A spinebuster puts Carlito down and that’s enough to toss him out too. Mysterio strikes away at Kozlov until a headbutt cuts him off but HHH is in at #7 to make things more serious. Some right hands and the facebuster are enough to get rid of Kozlov and things slow down.

Randy Orton is in at #8 and immediately hits the backbreaker on HHH but the RKO is blocked. Morrison breaks up the Pedigree and Mysterio gives Orton a springboard seated senton. There’s a 619 to Morrison as…JTG of Cryme Tyme (who wins a coin toss with Shad Gaspard, naturally with a double sided coin) is in at #9. That goes nowhere so it’s Ted DiBiase Jr. (part of Orton’s Legacy group) in at #10, giving us Mysterio, Morrison, HHH, Orton, JTG and DiBiase.

Morrison and JTG are sent over the top but both hang on and kick away at each other before getting back in. Mysterio has to hang on as well and can’t quite get rid of DiBiase at the same time. Chris Jericho is in at #11 and still has a lot of pyro. Jericho goes right after Orton but switches to HHH, who blocks a questionable Walls attempt. Things slow down a lot until Mike Knox is in at #12.

Knox goes after Mysterio, who he disliked because Knox is a monster. Legacy goes after JTG in a bit of an odd move and it’s the Miz in at #13. Miz and Morrison can’t do much with Orton, who snaps off a string of RKO’s. The Pedigree cuts Orton off though and HHH gets rid of Miz and Morrison at the same time. Finlay, with Hornswoggle, is in at #14 as Mysterio is thrown over the top but lands on Miz and Morrison to save himself in a nice sequence. The brawling goes on around the ring until Cody Rhodes is in at #15 to complete Legacy.

Mysterio tries a springboard at Orton, who RKO’s him out of the air in another sweet visual. Undertaker is in at #16 and the match stops with everyone forming a line to go after him. House is cleaned but only JTG is tossed out, which doesn’t feel overly important. The Snake Eyes/big boot combination hits Rhodes, and speaking of Rhodes, Goldust is in at #17. Goldust slugs away at Rhodes but walks into the RKO, which lets Orton give Rhodes a bit of a lesson. Rhodes throws Goldust out and it’s CM Punk in at #18.

Punk gets to strike away as we hear about some of his career accomplishments. HHH’s Pedigree is countered into the Go To Sleep and Mark Henry is in at #19 as the ring is way too full. A World’s Strongest Slam hits HHH and Shelton Benjamin is in at #20. That gives us Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Henry and Benjamin for a lot of star power but way too many people overall.

Benjamin hits Paydirt on Finlay before running the corner for a double super Paydirt to Jericho and Punk. The Dragon Whip hits Henry as Benjamin is getting in a heck of a run here. William Regal is in at #21 and goes after Punk before Mysterio low bridges Henry out. Kofi Kingston, still Jamaican, is in at #22 and starts striking away, including the Boom Drop to Knox. Benjamin dives at Undertaker in the corner, who kind of spinebusters him down and then tosses him out in a heap.

Mysterio is hanging upside down on the post as Kane is in at #23. Kane goes after DiBiase but stops to stare at the bloody Undertaker. The double chokeslam plants DiBiase and solo versions take down Kingston and Jericho. Regal is tossed by Punk and R-Truth is in at #24. Kane is sent to the apron but manages to hang on, with Legacy just kind of letting him go in a not so bright move.

Rob Van Dam returns in a surprise at #25 and comes in with a top rope kick to Kane. Van Dam fires off a bunch of clotheslines until Brian Kendrick is in at #26. Kendrick gets rid of Kingston, who didn’t have the fancy saves for a few more years. HHH tosses Kendrick and does his staggering around thing. Dolph Ziggler (still relatively new) gets lucky #27 and is tossed out almost immediately by Kane. Rhodes gives Punk an electric chair drop as we get another slow down.

Santino Marella is in at #28 and is clotheslined out by Kane in one second to break the Warlord’s record. Jericho hammers on Undertaker in the corner and…actually doesn’t get Last Rided for a change. Only in the Rumble. Kane can’t quite get rid of HHH as Jim Duggan is in at #29. The big AMERICAN right hands stagger various people to quite the reaction and it’s Big Show in at #30. That gives us a field of Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, Van Dam, Duggan and Show for quite the final grouping.

Kane goes after Show but can’t get very far, leaving Show to eliminate Duggan. Show throws out R-Truth as well but Undertaker can’t do the same to Rhodes. Punk saves himself and strikes away at Show, who still can’t get rid of him. The WMD is enough to knock Punk out though and things are finally/thankfully thinning out a bit. Knox and Mysterio (that’s not much after being in there for so long) are put out at the same time as Hornswoggle comes in for some reason.

Finlay breaks that up but gets thrown out by Kane to get us down to nine. Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Kane and Orton hits the hanging DDT on HHH. Lawler: “This will be worse than being eliminated!” No King, it won’t be. Undertaker wins a slugout with Show and Van Dam hits the Five Star on Orton, only to get tossed by Jericho. Undertaker tosses Jericho and we’re down to Undertaker, Kane, Show, Orton, DiBiase, Rhodes and HHH.

Legacy gets rid of Kane and everyone goes to a corner. A triple team on Undertaker doesn’t work for Legacy, who starts snapping off chokeslams. Undertaker and Show slug it out again until Undertaker kicks him out to the apron. Show gets tossed but pulls Undertaker out with him, setting up yet another feud between these two.

Undertaker and Show brawl into the crowd as it’s down to HHH and Legacy. The trio surrounds HHH, who fires a crotch chop and starts swinging, which doesn’t last long before the beatdown is on. HHH fights out and hits a facebuster and hits a Pedigree on Rhodes. DiBiase is tossed and so is Rhodes, only for Orton to dump HHH for the win at 58:39.

Rating: B-. I haven’t watched this one in a long time and I had a good time with most of it, even with the ring being too full near the end. There is a lot of star power here and most of the deadwood didn’t stay around too long. There were a few good surprises (Van Dam was great) and while HHH and Orton were the only viable options, it felt like there was other stuff going on rather than just waiting around for them to win. Good Rumble here and a nice one to visit after a long time away.

Overall Rating: B. As usual, the Rumble is going to carry the weight of this show because it takes up so much time. That made for a good show this time as the Rumble worked well enough, with the rest of the show supporting it. Well most of it as Cena vs. JBL just did not work very well, but everything else was perfectly fine at worst. It’s a good overall show, especially coming into it completely fresh.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B
2013 Redo: B-
2025 Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: C

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C
2013 Redo: C-
2025 Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-
2013 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B+
2013 Redo: C-
2025 Redo: B-

GEEZ did I just hate Orton when I watched this the first two times? I was surprised to see that I had been consistent in my pretty strong dislike of the Rumble the first two times as it might not be a classic but it’s certainly not a D. The rest of the show mostly lines up, save for the women’s match which was really just ok more than anything else.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield

This one has had an interesting build with the Royal Rumble itself only getting a quick build a the end. That being said, this is the kind of show that doesn’t really need to have anything set up for the main event to work, so it actually works for a change. We also have Batista defending the Smackdown Title against Mr. Kennedy and John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Umaga in a Last Man Standing match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the history of the Rumble itself, including some classic winners. This year’s card gets some attention of its own.

Hardys vs. MNM

Melina is here with MNM (hence why it isn’t NM or MN) and this is about revenge after Matt Hardy destroyed Joey Mercury’s nose at Armageddon. An early Mercury distraction lets Nitro get in a cheap shot on Matt and the alternating beatdown is on in the corner. Matt isn’t having any of that and comes back to bring Jeff in. Nitro kicks him down as well but it’s an atomic drop into the legdrop between the legs to give Jeff two.

Mercury tries to come in but gets suplexed down but Nitro gets in a right hand to Matt’s jaw to take over. The cravats holds Matt in place and Mercury adds a shot to the face for two. We hit the chinlock from Mercury but he misses a middle rope elbow. That’s enough to bring Jeff back in to pick up the pace, including the Whisper in the Wind for two on Nitro. A double suplex puts Nitro down to set up the legdrop/splash combo, but the raised knees put Jeff in trouble.

The waistlock holds Jeff down and a double gutbuster makes it even worse. Nitro grabs a bodyscissors with a chinlock before switching to a front facelock. Jeff manages to fight over, but, of course, the referee doesn’t see the tag (it’s amazing how consistently inconsistent these referees can be). Back up and Jeff manages the mule kick to bring Matt in for the real house cleaning. A middle rope elbow to the back of the head gets two on Nitro as everything breaks down. The Twist of Fate hits Nitro and, with Matt driving Mercury outside, the Swanton gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: B. Pretty solid tag match here and that shouldn’t be a surprise given who was in there. They didn’t do anything overly complicated or flashy here but what mattered was they did things well enough to make it work.

Teddy Long and Jonathan Coachman are in the back to keep an eye on the Royal Rumble drawings with Kelly Kelly there to turn the tumbler. Edge comes in to mock her a bit but here’s Randy Orton to say he tossed Edge over the top last week. They both draw and Orton says “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” King Booker comes in to tell Orton to say he didn’t just say that. Eh kind of funny.

Video on Test, who lost to Bobby Lashley on ECW in a non-title match.

ECW World Title: Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and this doesn’t make sense after watching ECW either. Test powers him into the corner to start so Lashley hits a spear, sending Test straight to the ropes for some safety. A t-bone suplex sends Test outside where he manages to post Lashley to take over. Back in and we hit the chickenwing, followed by an armbar to stay on the bad arm. Lashley tries to fight up for the comeback but the arm gives out on the gorilla press attempt. The TKO is countered though and an overhead belly to belly suplex sends Test flying. It’s enough to make Test walk out for the countout.

Rating: D. I’ve seen worse power matches but we just went from Lashley beating him clean on ECW to winning via countout here. I’m not sure what is next for Lashley, but this was quite the waste of time. They really can’t have Lashley pin Test twice in a week? Test has to be even remotely protected on this stage?

Lashley beats Test up again post match.

John Cena is banged up when Vince McMahon comes in to mock him for having an abdominal injury. Cena won’t vacate the title, but Vince can’t see him….as champion after tonight.

We recap Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Kennedy won a Beat The Clock Challenge to win the title shot, but he has also made Undertaker want to kill him. Kennedy has beaten a bunch of World Champions so now it’s time to become one himself.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

Kennedy is challenging and gets thrown down a few times to start. That’s broken up in a hurry as Kennedy grabs a rollup for two. Batista’s suplex gets two and it’s already time to head outside. Kennedy sends him back first into the steps but Batista is right back inside with some shots to the face. We go intelligent with Kennedy attacking the knee to slow Batista down. There’s a cannonball down onto the knee for two, setting up something like a reverse Figure Four.

The rope is grabbed and Kennedy’s nose was busted open somewhere in there. Another kick to the leg gets two and Kennedy grabs a half crab. Batista powers out and snaps off the spinebuster, only to bang up the knee even more. The Batista Bomb is countered with another shot to the knee, causing Batista to bump the referee. Kennedy hits a DDT a delayed two so frustration sets in. That’s enough for Kennedy to go up, only to get clotheslined out of the air. Now the Batista Bomb can retain the title.

Rating: C. This felt like a house show main event and that isn’t the worst thing. Kennedy is someone who is going to steal most of the wins he gets and it would be a bit much to believe that he is going to beat Batista in a straight match. The leg thing was fine and the match wasn’t bad, but it was the definition of the Royal Rumble throwaway title shot.

Batista poses for a good bit.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn think their Royal Rumble number is in the cards. The Leprechaun comes in and growls a lot while picking. Coach hopes it isn’t a small number and gets bitten n the ear. Then the Leprechaun meets Great Khali and runs off, leaving Khali to draw three numbers. Kelly picks up the two that Khali drops and Ron Simmons comes in for the joke.

We recap John Cena vs. Umaga. Cena gave him his first loss in a miracle win at New Year’s Revolution so now it’s a Last Man Standing match so Cena can’t escape with a win. Umaga crushed Cena’s ribs on Raw so Cena is very banged up coming in.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada, is challenging and this is Last Man Standing. They stare each other down to start and Cena slugs away to little avail. Instead it’s a shot to the bad ribs to put Cena down on the floor as the beating begins. Cena is sent hard into the steps and Umaga shrugs off being rammed face first into the apron. Back in and Umaga hits him with a heck of a clothesline and it’s time to bring in the steps as Cena pulls himself up.

Somehow Cena manages to pick the tosses them down onto Umaga for a nasty/scary crash. A bearhug into a belly to belly lets Umaga grab more steps, which are stood up in the corner. The running Umaga attack only hits steps though and Cena hits him in the face with the steps for a seven. Cena’s high crossbody is countered into the spinning release Rock Bottom and Umaga goes simple by sitting on his chest.

Another attempt is countered with some raised knees though and Cena plants him onto the steps for a breather. The Shuffle, with Umaga still on the steps, connects but an FU attempt collapses with both of them landing on the steps. Cena is busted open so Umaga hammers away, triggering whatever Cena calls Hulking Up. Since Umaga isn’t an 80s monster, he grabs a Samoan drop to plant Cena again. The Samoan Spike is blocked so Umaga ties him in the Tree of Woe.

The running headbutt misses though and Cena hits the top rope Fameasser. One heck of a TV monitor shot to the head gives Cena eight so he knocks Umaga outside. That’s fine with Umaga, who posts Cena hard. With Cena laid down on the ECW announcers’ table, Umaga gets a running start and splashes….well only the table actually. Umaga is back up at nine and runs Cena over again as Estrada unhooks the top rope. A charging turnbuckle shot gets countered into an FU and Cena grabs the STFU with the rope wrapped around Umaga’s throat to put him out and retain.

Rating: A-. This is a heck of a fight and an underrated Cena classic. These guys beat the fire out of each other and it was a mixture of Cena fighting with power, surviving until he had an opening and then getting smart. I liked this a lot and it’s definitely worth a look if you want to see two big, strong men fighting each other for a long time in one of the better Last Man Standing matches.

Sandman has a beer and picks one of the last two numbers. Ric Flair comes in, picks the last number, and gets hit on by Kelly Kelly. The rest of Extreme Expose comes in and dances with Flair…who leaves so the three of them can dance by themselves.

History package on the Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Ric Flair in at #1 (Flair was in five Rumbles and entered #1 twice, #3, #5 and #30. That is downright amazing luck) and Finlay in at #2 for a match which would only happen once in a singles match. Finlay shoulders him down to start and shrugs off some shots to the face to set up a backdrop. It’s too early to toss Flair out so he strikes away until Kenny Dykstra is in at #3. That means a double teaming on Flair but the alliance lasts all of five seconds (a long time in the Rumble) and everyone brawls again.

Matt Hardy is in at #4 to go after Dykstra before switching off to Finlay. Edge is in at #5 to pick up the pace but gets taken down in a hurry. Flair goes for some chairs for the sake of revenge but gets tossed out by Edge. Dykstra is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer in at #6. Matt can’t get rid of Edge and Dreamer can’t get rid of Finlay either. Sabu is in at #7 and goes for a table instead of getting inside. He finally does get in for a springboard tornado DDT to Dreamer as Gregory Helms (and his song says so) is in at #8. Helms almost eliminates Hardy and it’s Shelton Benjamin in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up.

Hardy has to avoid being sent through the table at ringside before trying to do the same to Benjamin. Kane is in at #10 and gets rid of Dreamer and Sabu, the latter being chokeslammed through a table. With the two of them gone, we have Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Helms, Benjamin and Kane. CM Punk is in at #11 and goes after Edge to little avail thanks to a save from Finlay. King Booker is in at #12 and Helms is tossed out in a hurry. Brawling ensues and it’s Super Crazy in at #13.

Kane starts cleaning house again and Booker teases throwing Finlay out, with Finlay circling back to the middle of the ring in a smart move. Jeff Hardy is in at #14 so the Hardys get together for some shots on various people. Poetry In Motion hits Kane and it’s the Sandman in at #15. The entrance takes a good while and the cane shots about….until Booker tosses him in less than fifteen seconds. Randy Orton is in at #16 and I think we have a focal point of the match.

Rated-RKO get rid of Crazy and then toss the Hardys without much trouble. Chris Benoit is in at #17 and it’s time to German suplex a bunch of people. Rob Van Dam is in at #18 as the star power is pretty high at the moment. Van Dam kicks Booker in the face and Kane tosses him out, only to have Booker come back in and toss Kane as well. Cole: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” Speaking of ridiculous, Viscera is in at #19 as JBL and Cole argue about Booker coming back in to toss Kane.

Johnny Nitro is in at #20, giving us Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam, Viscera and Nitro. Benoit gets Benjamin about as close to out as you can but he hangs on by just part of one foot. Kevin Thorn is in at #21 and it’s more mindless brawling. Hardcore Holly is in at #22 as the ring is way too full. Everyone goes after Viscera and Shawn Michaels (the hometown boy) is in at #23 to knock Finlay out.

Everyone gets together to toss Viscera and Shawn dumps Benjamin as well. Chris Masters is in at #24 and Benoit knocks Nitro out. Chavo Guerrero is in at #25 as Benoit gets rid of Thorn. Van Dam goes up, looks around for someone to kick, and then gets back down. MVP is in at #26 and is promptly double teamed by Benoit and Michaels. Van Dam dropkicks Masters out and it’s Carlito in at #27, with Cole explaining the lucky history.

Some double teaming can’t get rid of Shawn and it’s Great Khali in at #28. Everyone gets ready for him and they are all knocked down, with only Holly being tossed. Miz is in at #29 (JBL: “Don’t worry King, I hate him too.”) and is out in about three seconds. Khali gets rid of Van Dam and Punk too, followed by Carlito and Guerrero. Shawn gets up to try Khali and is double chokeslammed down. Khali is the only one standing….and it’s the Undertaker in at #30 as the fans are WAY into it again. That leaves us with Edge, Orton, Michaels, MVP, Khali and Undertaker.

The showdown is on with Undertaker winning a slugout and clotheslining Khali out to get us down to five. Old School (one of the dumbest things you can do in the Rumble) hits MVP and he is gone too, but he hands Orton a chair to blast Undertaker. Edge teases a spear to Orton but the chair scares him off. An RKO to Shawn puts him underneath the bottom rope so it’s time to double team the busted open Undertaker. That doesn’t last long as Undertaker hits the running corner clotheslines and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot to Edge.

Orton gets caught in the chokeslam with Edge breaking it up with a spear. Another chair shot to the head cuts Undertaker down so it’s time for the Conchairto. Shawn is back up though and backdrops Orton out, followed by a superkick to Edge to get us down to two. They’re both down so Undertaker sits up and Shawn nips up for an awesome visual as you can feel this one. Shawn hammers away in the corner but gets shoved away twice. Now it’s Undertaker’s turn to unload in the corner, setting up the upside down whip into the corner.

The big boot misses and Undertaker falls to the apron. Shawn’s running charge is cut off by an elbow and Undertaker gets back in, where Shawn catches him with a swinging neckbreaker. Cole calls them perhaps the two biggest stars in the history of WWE and I’ll ignore that one because this is pretty awesome. Undertaker lifts him out to the apron but Shawn goes up top, only to get punched in the face.

For some reason Undertaker goes up with him until Shawn knocks him back down. The top rope elbow hits Undertaker again but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a chokeslam. Shawn slips off the shoulder though and now Sweet Chin Music can connect to put both of them down. Another Sweet Chin Music is loaded up (ala how Shawn eliminated Diesel in 1996) but Undertaker ducks him to toss Shawn and win, making him the first #30 entrant to pull it off.

Rating: B-. The ending alone is enough to make this worth seeing as it’s probably the best ending ever to a Rumble. Other than that, you had a feeling where a lot of people could win and that’s one of the keys to a good Rumble. What isn’t a key to a good one is having that many people in the ring at once, which was the case multiple times here. The problem is getting to the ending, but that is some straight magic between two people who knew how to crank up the drama. You could go back and forth on the winner, but I’m a sucker for that final pairing.

Shawn looks crushed (and the fans seem to be as well) as Undertaker poses a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Much like the Rumble itself, the last part of the show (in this case the last two matches) are enough to make the show work, plus a rather good tag match and a watchable Kennedy vs. Batista match. The one part lacking is Lashley vs. Test, with all seven minutes of it being pretty bad. This was a rather good show, with a Cena vs. Umaga being an underrated classic.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

Theodore Long comes out to cheer as well and it’s Luther Reigns in at #12. The kicking and punching continues until we get the showdown between the Raw and Smackdown guys because WWE REALLY likes pushing that concept. With everyone fighting by the ropes, it’s Muhammad Hassan in at #13. Everyone stops to look at him as Hassan posses…and the big beatdown is on. The fans like this quite a bit and Rey hits a 619. Everyone gets together and tosses Hassan at the same time as Orlando Jordan is in at #14.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s been a bit since I’ve looked at this one and it’s still one of the more fondly remembered Rumbles. The WWF is on fire at the moment and the big story is the return of Steve Austin, who wants the WWF Title back. Said title is currently help by Kurt Angle, who is defending against HHH. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on how this could be several people’s only chance to be WWF Champion. People like Albert! Billy Gunn! The Rock! Undertaker! The Rock and Undertaker again!

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending and the Dudleys are getting over concussions (because you could just wrestle with them back in the day). The Dudleys start fast, not even waiting for the recap video to end. They fight to the floor for a bit with the Dudleys keeping them in trouble. Back in and D-Von slugs away at Edge, followed by a neckbreaker.

Christian comes in and gets double shouldered for two as commentary talks about the. I Dudleys’ concussions (which don’t seem to be bothering them). A headscissors out of the corner puts Bubba down and he grabs his head, even as he takes Christian into the corner. D-Von comes in but gets Russian legsweeped and neckbreakered for a pair of two’s.

The chinlock goes on and Bubba gets to play cheerleader (which is quite the disturbing visual). Naturally the fans want tables as D-Von counters out of a piledriver and catapults Edge into Christian. A double clothesline leaves everyone but Bubba down, meaning it’s a tag…which the referee doesn’t see.

Bubba argues with the referee, leaving D-Von to have to duck a Conchairto attempt. Another clothesline is enough to bring Bubba back in to clean house, including a Bubba Bomb to send Christian outside. There’s What’s Up to Edge so naturally it’s table time. Christian breaks it up but Bubba rolls Edge up for two. The 3D is broken up as well, with Edge’s spear getting two on Bubba. Edge tries his own What’s Up but a quick reversal means it hits Christian. The 3D gives us new champions at 10:04.

Rating: B-. This is one of those pairings that is virtually impossible to screw up and they seem to understand that concept. You could run these teams and the Hardys for pretty much ever and the WWF did just that to some great success. This wasn’t even a great match, but it was more than entertaining enough to start the show off and keep the fans interested. The title change to cap it off made things even better so nice job early on.

During Heat, Drew Carey arrived. I’m sure that won’t go anywhere.

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon clarified that Steve Austin will be in the Royal Rumble tonight despite getting in a fight with HHH, which violated an agreement. Kurt Angle caused the fight though and therefore everything is still on. This was more to clarify some confusion and that’s a good thing.

HHH and Stephanie McMahon are in their locker room, with HHH saying that he needs her to put her hatred for Trish Stratus aside during the title match aside. Stephanie says if Trish puts her nose….or anything else in their way, she’ll deal with her. Drew Carey comes in, says he hasn’t been watching much lately, and talks about running into Kamala at the airport. HHH tries to shoo him away, so Drew plugs his upcoming comedy pay per view and goes to find Vince McMahon. Stephanie offers to take him to meet Trish Stratus. This was prime Stephanie “NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS AND YOU’RE NOT SCARY”.

The APA show each other their Rumble numbers and think it’ll be interesting. Crash Holly comes in and says they may be friends but he’ll eliminate them if he has to. Bradshaw: “And they call us drunks.”

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit in a ladder match for the Intercontinental Title. They’ve been feuding for a good while so it’s time for the big blowoff match. This isn’t a feud that needs that much of of a story and WWE seems to get that.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Benoit is defending in a ladder match. They go right after it to start with Jericho elbowing him down. Jericho stomps away in the corner but has to block a Crossface attempt. Benoit sends him into the post but Jericho knocks him to the apron. The triangle dropkick misses and they fall out to the floor so let’s go for the ladder. Jericho’s baseball slide misses the ladder so Benoit sends him hard into the steps.

It’s way too early for Benoit to go up so Jericho cuts him off without much trouble. A running ladder shot to the face drops Benoit and Jericho puts the ladder over the top rope. Benoit reverses a whip to send Jericho into the ladder and out to the floor, only to have the dive cut off with a chair to the head (that was nasty). Jericho misses a ladder shot so Benoit chairs him down and we’ll go outside, complete with the ladder.

They go into the corner, where Jericho kind of Russian legsweeps him from the middle rope and down with the ladder for another crash. Benoit is up first and puts the ladder on the top, with Jericho sending him face first. That’s not enough as it’s a slingshot with the ladder to send it into Benoit’s face again. Jericho starts going up but Benoit suplexes him over the top and out to the floor for another nasty landing.

Now it’s Benoit going up, but Jericho is back in and grabs the Walls on top of the ladder in one of the most creatively awesome spots I’ve ever seen. Somehow that’s not enough as Benoit crashes down but pops up to shove the ladder down again. The Crossface makes Jericho tap, so Benoit goes up.

The Swan Dive from the top of the ladder misses though, allowing Jericho to put the ladder on top of him. Benoit powers out of that as well and Jericho crashes out to the floor again. Another climb is cut off by some Jericho chair shots and another shove sends Benoit crashing out to the floor. Jericho finally pulls down the title at 18:45.

Rating: A. There are different ways to resent a ladder match and this one was designed around two guys beating the living daylights out of each other. That worked to a charm, as this was one of the most violent matches you will see without going totally over the top. It’s still an incredible match with two guys hurting each other for a long time with some nasty looking crashes and spots. Awesome match and well worth what should be another look.

Drew Carey meets Trish Stratus and hits on her a bit but Vince McMahon comes in. More pay per view plugging ensues until Vince puts him in the Royal Rumble. Carey is in.

Billy Gunn tries to talk Chyna (with her bad neck) out of a match but Chyna is having none of it.

Chris Jericho says he proved Chris Benoit wrong.

We recap the Women’s Title match, as Ivory (of Right To Censor) is not happy with Chyna, who is out for revenge after Right To Censor attacked her. Chyna has a bad neck coming in but just wants to wreck Ivory anyway.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Chyna is challenging and jumps her to start, with Ivory being thrown down by the hair. The forearms in the corner have Ivory down and a heck of a right hand knocks her off the top. The beating goes into the crowd before Chyna takes her back inside. Hold on though as Chyna has to beat up Steven Richards as well before hitting a handspring elbow….and down she goes. Ivory crawls over and gets the pin at 3:32.

Rating: C. This was more an extended angle than a match as the whole point was Chyna getting hurt again. Ivory didn’t get in a single shot, save for maybe some ineffective punches, and then they did the angle to end it. There is only so much you can do with Chyna in the women’s division and that was on display here, as Chyna was a wrecking ball against the champion.

Post match Chyna is stretchered out.

Stephanie McMahon runs into Trish Stratus in the hair and makeup room and things get catty over their relationships.

Drew Carey is given some gear and runs into Kane. He’s not impressed.

Low Down (egads) is told their Royal Rumble spot is being given to Drew Carey.

Fans at WWF New York give their picks for HHH vs. Kurt Angle.

We recap HHH challenging Kurt Angle for the WWF Title. HHH wants the title but there is still the whole Kurt Loves Stephanie deal, though that peaked a few months back. Since Kurt can’t have a McMahon with him, he’s settling for Trish Stratus, which has Stephanie furious (Trish having an affair with Vince McMahon doesn’t help).

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Angle, with Trish Stratus (equaled out by Stephanie McMahon), is defending. HHH cranks on the arm to start before hitting a running shoulder. Back up and Angle hiptosses him down so we need a breather on the floor. That doesn’t last long as HHH is back in with some rather hard right hands. Angle goes to the arm as well and cranks away as this is starting a big more slowly than I would have expected.

Some suplexes have HHH in more trouble but they go back outside for some whips into the barricade (that’s more like it). Back in and HHH drop toeholds him down, setting up the Indian deathlock. With that broken up, Angle enziguris his way to freedom as Lawler talks about Andy Kaufman. HHH kicks away at the leg in the corner and wraps it around the post, with a Stephanie distraction allowing HHH to get in a chair shot.

Back in and some chop blocks have Angle in even more trouble, setting up the full on Indian Deathlock. With that broken up, HHH switches to the Figure Four to stay on the knee. Trish tries to interfere so the catfight with Stephanie is on. They go over the announcers’ table and can’t be separated, even by Vince McMahon. Vince finally picks Trish up and carries her off but Stephanie breaks that up as well.

With the three of them gone, HHH goes back to the bad knee as the match remembers it is happening. Angle kicks HHH away and into the post, setting up a DDT for two. A German suplex gives Angle two more so he heads up, only to get kind of Razor’s Edged down for three straight near falls. Back up and Angle runs him over, setting up the moonsault (which connects) for two.

The referee gets bumped so they go outside, with Angle being sent into the post. Back in and HHH goes up for some reason, allowing Angle to run the ropes for a super armdrag. There’s no referee so the fight heads back outside, this time with HHH sending Angle into the referee into the steps. Back in and Angle counters a belt shot into a belly to belly but HHH grabs the Pedigree. Cue Steve Austin (HHH recently cost him the title) to jump HHH though, including a belt shot to the face and the Stunner to give Angle the retaining pin at 24:21.

Rating: B-. It’s a good brawl and they worked well together but my goodness there was a lot going on here, with the match needing to be about five minutes shorter. Austin costing HHH the title doesn’t so much hurt Angle, who already feels like he is playing with the house’s money, but rather keeps the title on someone who is showing he can hang at this level. Good stuff here, but cut it down a few minutes and it’s a better match.

The Rock talks about how this is the biggest Royal Rumble of all time and says it doesn’t matter if the Undertaker and Kane are together. After referencing nipple tickling, Rock says it could come down to himself and Bull Buchanan, Perry Saturn, or even….Steve Austin. Either way, he’s going to Wrestlemania. Why his music plays after a promo isn’t clear.

Video on the Royal Ruble, with a look at most of the people involved.

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #1 and Bull Buchanan in at #2. Buchanan starts fast and slugs away but can’t press slam Jeff out. Instead Jeff puts him on top but can’t get him out either, putting them at about even so far. Choking on the ropes ensues until Matt Hardy is in at #3, because tag teams have a tendency to start the Rumble together. A double clothesline quickly gets rid of Buchanan so the Hardys bump fists and then go with some grappling. Matt can’t get rid of Jeff but Jeff can’t get rid of Matt until Faarooq is in at #4.

The Hardys are dropped with a double clothesline and Jeff is sent to the apron, where he cuts off the Dominator to Matt. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton is enough to get rid of Faarooq and it’s time for the Hardys to fight again. Naturally this means the shirts come off (yes, the women in the audience approve) before they can slug it out. Jeff nails a Whisper in the Wind and it’s Drew Carey in at #5.

The Hardys keep fighting and go to the corner, while Carey slowly gets inside. Matt and Jeff eliminate each other, leaving commentary to realize that Carey is currently the last man standing. Then Kane is in at #6 (JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.”) and Carey immediately starts asking for the Hardys to get back in. Kane slowly walks around the ring to kill some time, allowing Carey time to offer him some money. That doesn’t work either as Kane grabs him by the throat, only to have Raven come in at #7 for the save, allowing Carey to wisely eliminate himself.

Raven gets knocked outside (not eliminated) where he manages a fire extinguisher shot to Kane. Cue Al Snow in at #8 (coming in before the clock even starts) to jump Raven, but then the clock counts down for him anyway. A bunch of weapons are thrown in, including Snow’s trusty bowling ball. Said ball is rolled between Raven’s legs before he and Snow start trash canning Kane. The drop toehold into the trashcan puts Kane down and it’s Perry Saturn in at #9.

Saturn gets….well not that smart actually by going after Kane’s knee. Kane gorilla presses Saturn but onto the mat for no logical reason. Everyone combines to go after Kane and finally get him down, which still doesn’t seem that bright. Steve Blackman is in at #10, giving us a group of Kane, Raven, Snow, Saturn and Blackman. With everyone else brawling, Blackman brings out his sticks to beat up everyone but Kane as the lack of brightness continues. Grandmaster Sexay is in at #11 but Kane has had this and quickly clears the ring.

Honky Tonk Man of all people is in at #12 and tells Kane to give him a minute. We start the song, until Kane grabs the guitar and smashes it over Honky Tonk Man’s head. That’s enough for the easy elimination and Kane is left alone….but the Rock is in at #13 to make things a lot more interesting. Rock hammers away and hits the running clothesline but Kane hits him in the face. Rock’s right hands are cut off by a big boot and Goodfather is in at #14.

That lasts all of three seconds before Rock punches Goodfather out, leaving Kane to hit a suplex. The side slam plants Rock and Tazz is in at #15, only to be tossed out in less than ten seconds. Rock gets in a Samoan drop and it’s Bradshaw in at #16. Bradshaw gets to hammer on both of them until Kane hits a double clothesline. Albert is in at #17, sending Lawler into a need for updates on Trish Stratus and Stephanie McMahon. Even Lawler can tell that JR is ignoring him as JBL saves Rock from Albert for no logical reason.

Hardcore Holly is in at #18 as Albert chokebombs Bradshaw. Holly and Bradshaw team up but can’t get rid of the Rock (the fans were interested though), leaving Alberto to drop Kane with a single boot to the face. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is in at #19 and my goodness it’s weird to hear him called a rookie. Albert still can’t get rid of Albert as Val Venis is in at #20. That gives us Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, Kwik and Venis, with Kane spinebustering Venis out of the corner. Brawling on the ropes ensues until William Regal is in at #21.

Venis can’t get rid of the Rock, but the tease of an elimination again brings quite the strong reaction. Test is in at #22 and gets rid of Regal without much trouble (and would take the European Title from him the next night on Raw) before going after Albert. With more brawling against the ropes not doing much, Big Show makes a surprise return at #23 and cleans house, getting rid of Test and Kwik before chokeslamming everyone but Rock.

Instead Rock kicks him low, hits some right hands, and clotheslines Show out. Show looked awesome there for about a minute and a half but then he was out. Hold on though as Show clears off the announcers’ table and pulls Rock to the floor for a chokeslam through said table. Crash Holly is in at #24 as a bunch of people can’t get rid of Kane. Undertaker is in at #25 and he quickly saves Kane from the big mob.

Everyone but Kane and Undertaker (and Rock on the floor) are quickly eliminated, leaving the monsters to stare at each other as JR is BEGGING them to fight each other. JR: “It started with brother vs. brother with the Hardys”. No JR, it didn’t. They stare at each other until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #26 and, after waiting to get in, is quickly eliminated. Steve Austin is in at #27….or he would be as HHH jumps him from behind to even things up from earlier.

Rock gets back in to go after Kane but gets jumped by Undertaker. The bloody Austin is left laying in the aisle as Billy Gunn is in at #28 and goes after Undertaker and Kane to save Rock. Undertaker plants Rock as HHH finally leaves and it’s Haku (the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion but without a WCW contract) in at #29. Undertaker and Kane can only do so much with him as JR and Lawler get into a shouting match over whether Austin deserved to get jumped or not.

Rikishi is in at #30, giving us a final group of Kane, Rock, Undertaker, Austin (on the floor), Gunn, Haku and Rikishi, which is quite the up and down levels of main event talent. Austin manages to get up and starts wrecking people, including stomping Gunn down in the corner. Austin gets rid of Haku and Undertaker sends Rock to the apron. Rock saves himself, leaving Undertaker to hurt his own head while headbutting Rikishi.

A superkick actually puts Undertaker out but Rikishi takes too long loading up the Banzai Drop, allowing Rock to eliminate him (as you can hear Undertaker leaving on the motorcycle). We’re down to Austin, Kane, Gunn and Rock, with Gunn hitting a Fameasser on Austin. Then Gunn is tossed and we’re down to three. Kane gets knocked down (not eliminated) and that leaves Austin vs. Rock, which has the fans WAY into things again. The Rock Bottom is blocked but Austin hits a Stunner and Thesz presses Kane.

Rock is back up and sends Kane through the ropes to the floor (not eliminated), meaning it’s another slugout with Austin. They go for the eliminations but Kane is back in to toss Rock. That leaves us with Austin vs. Kane, with a chokeslam putting Austin down. Austin manages a low blow and a chair is brought in, which can’t go well. The Stunner drops Kane and three straight chair shots into a clothesline are enough to give Austin the win at 1:01:57.

Rating: A-. There was a bit of a lull in the middle but Rock and Austin and Kane and others were all enough to make this work. What matters is keeping the fans interested and they had the Carey stuff, then the hardcore stuff, then the serious stuff got going with the Rock coming in to fight Kane. All of that was good, but it really cranked up when Austin came in. It’s not the best Rumble ever, but it’s pretty great with nothing close to bad.

Overall Rating: A. Yeah this is an all timer, with the only thing close to bad being a three and a half minute angle disguised as a match. Other than that you have good World and Tag Team Title matches, plus the amazing ladder match and a pretty incredible Royal Rumble. It’s a show that more than holds up and there is pretty much nothing on here worth really complaining about. Check this one out if you haven’t in a bit, as it’s still great.

 

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B-
2024 Redo: B-

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A
2013 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A
2024 Redo: A

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-
2024 Redo: C

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B
2024 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: B
2013 Redo: B+
2018 Redo: A-
2024 Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A
2024 Redo: A

Yep, we’re done with this one as it’s about as definitive as it can get.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

 

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

 

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

 

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

 

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

 

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

 

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

 

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

 

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

 

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

 

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

 

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

 

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

 

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

 

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

 

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

 

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

 

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

 

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

 

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

 

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

 

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

 

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

 

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

 

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

 

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

 

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

 

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

 

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

 

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews