Smackdown
Date: September 26, 2002
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Well Brock retained the title but they basically ruined the end of the pay per view with a double DQ finish. That almost guarantees that we’re setting up a rematch at No Mercy in a month because that’s how WWE main events work. Other than that we don’t have much of note on Smackdown because Unforgiven wasn’t a very important show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Stephanie McMahon’s BRILLIANT (and highly illogical) plan to have Rikishi humiliate Eric Bischoff at the pay per view.

Opening sequence.

Rikishi vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

This is over Chavo hitting Rikishi with a camera last week. Chavo wisely gets him to give chase early on but Rikishi grabs him by the head and then throws Chavo into the corner by the throat. Something like a Scotty 2 Hotty style bulldog drops the big guy though and Rikishi is sent shoulder first into the post.

In the unfunny comedy portion of the match, Chavo loads up a Stinkface of his own but gets shoved away, meaning it’s time to back it up in the corner. The Rump Shaker is countered though and Chavo goes for the camera, which is superkicked back into his face. That’s enough for the Rump Shaker to connect and put Chavo away.

Rating: C. This was MUCH better than I was expecting and Chavo got to show off a bit. Rikishi is fine in a role like this where he beats up a midcarder and stays away from the bigger stories. It’s easy to like someone as fun as Rikishi but it’s a lot more difficult to take him seriously.

Rikishi dances post match.

It’s time for a bikini contest between Torrie Wilson and Nidia with Billy and Chuck as the judges. I guess it’s time to rehabilitate their masculinity or something. Nidia gets a 6 and a 9 (it’s funny you see) and Torrie gets a double 10. Billy and Chuck get in the ring and here come Tajiri and Jamie Noble, giving us an impromptu tag match.

Billy and Chuck vs. Tajiri/Jamie Noble

Chuck gets sent to the floor so it’s a series of kicks to put Billy down. Torrie is on the apron in a neutral corner for no apparent reason but it makes for some better scenery. The always great looking Tajiri superkick drops Billy again and Jamie starts in on the knee. Noble wraps it around the post as you can see the Cruiserweight Title on the floor. At least put it on the apron so it looks somewhat important.

Billy can’t even stand on the banged up leg so Jamie puts on a leglock as the world’s only WE WANT CHUCK chant starts up. A flapjack finally puts Jamie down though and there’s the hot tag to Chuck. House is cleaned and Billy manages to get up top for the Code Red (bit of a stretch there) for the pin on Tajiri (who was on Chuck’s shoulders for a LONG time before Billy was ready).

Rating: C+. That’s your standard tag team formula and it’s going to work no matter how many times we see it. They managed to get Chuck Palumbo a chant with the most basic tag team match you can put together. There’s a reason it’s a classic and it’s going to work as long as wrestling is around.

Post match the women get into it again and Torrie spanks Nidia.

Funaki interviews Brock Lesnar and asks him if he’s going to give Undertaker a rematch. Brock will give him an answer in the ring. Funaki is thrilled with getting a scoop and doesn’t realize he’s likely about to die.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Stephanie and they reminisce about the Stinkface. Angle would like a rematch against Chris Benoit but Stephanie has something else in mind. Rey Mysterio pops up and Angle asks if this is a violation of child labor laws. Stephanie’s big idea: a triple threat match between Mysterio, Angle and Benoit. Angle says he’ll get the 1-2-3 but Rey says it’s more like the 6-1-9, which the fans certainly approve of.

Here’s Funaki with the chair that was dented over Lesnar’s head at Unforgiven. After Funaki actually gets one heck of a pop (I’m as shocked as you are), Lesnar comes out and doesn’t want to hear about the Undertaker. Brock shoves him into the corner and for reasons of general stupidity, Funaki comes out swinging. A running right hand is easily countered into an STO, followed by a few throws and an F5 for good measure.

Dawn Marie offers Torrie some insincere praise for the win, though everyone knows Dawn would have beaten her with ease.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

No DQ. Eddie starts hammering away until a monkey flip puts him down. The fans are all over Eddie as he easily breaks up a keylock. An elbow to the head drops Edge and Eddie hits some rather hard right hands. We hit a chinlock for a bit before Edge snaps off a powerslam, only to take too long getting to the top.

That means a huge superplex to give Eddie two and it’s time to head outside. Unfortunately it’s also time for a ladder and that means a ref bump as the ladder goes straight into his face (looked great actually). Back in and Eddie unloads on him with a chair but misses the frog splash to put both guys down.

We come back from a break with a new referee and the second only now being taken to the back. That’s really not a good response time. Edge gets in the half nelson faceplant but takes too much time going up, allowing Eddie to snap off a hurricanrana for a close two. A springboard hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb with Eddie’s head bouncing off the mat in a scary visual.

The ladder is brought in but it’s also knocked into Edge’s face to drop the Canadian again. That means Eddie needs a second ladder so he can sandwich Edge together, setting up the slingshot hilo. Guerrero gets one heck of a cheer from the crowd and it’s really hard to blame him with how hard they’re beating each other up out there.

Eddie goes up the ladder but Edge is there to slug it out…..so Eddie sunset powerbombs him off with one of the biggest bumps you’ll see on regular TV. Edge just got folded up and it looked awesome. That’s good for another respectful round of applause and somehow only two. In almost any other match, that should have been the fall.

Back up again and Edge backdrops him into the ladder in the corner before they climb the second ladder a second time. You know, because it ended so well earlier. This time Edge rams him face first into the top a few times and grabs an Edgecution off the ladder (looked a bit more like a superplex for the sake of clearing the ladder but the landing still looked great) for the pin and one last big reaction from the crowd.

Rating: A. Sometimes you need a great story with all kinds of intricacies and plot details. Sometimes you need a big climax to a major story. Then sometimes you need two incredibly talented wrestlers doing crazy things to each other involving a ladder. This was spectacular with both guys absolutely destroying each other with one more big spot after another. Nothing was topping that sunset powerbomb though and I think everyone knew it. Edge winning the match (and in theory the feud) is the right call and Eddie didn’t lose a thing here. Aside from the match of course. This is on multiple DVDs and it’s easy to see why.

A bloody Eddie gets the big respectful ovation, which he more than earned.

Marc Lloyd comes up to ask Benoit about the main event. Benoit: “YOU SUCK!” That got a good laugh. Anyway Benoit is ready.

Matt Hardy talks about running Hurricane off and suggests he’ll do the same thing to Undertaker tonight. Shannon Moore isn’t convinced and thinks it might have had something to do with Brock. Hardy pshaw’s him and leaves with Lesnar looking on. Good thing he was watching the show on a monitor and knew where Matt’s locker room was in relation to his.

Wrestlemania XIX press conference video. It’s very, very odd to see Undertaker in a collared shirt and pants.

Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy

I always liked the version of Undertaker’s song with lyrics. Matt’s handshake doesn’t go how he’d hope it would and the beating is on early. Hardy gets up an elbow in the corner though and starts in on the knee but the Twist of Fate is countered into a chokeslam. The Last Ride finishes Matt in less than two minutes.

Post match Lesnar runs out and busts Undertaker open again with a belt shot. During the break, Undertaker couldn’t stand up and EGADS he’s covered in blood. That’s one heck of a blade job for a TV show.

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Before the match, Angle accuses Rey’s fans of being illegal immigrants. The real threat in this match isn’t the toothless weirdo or the lost member of Menudo because it’s your Olympic hero. Rey takes over to start and hits the sitout bulldog on Benoit while kicking Angle in the face at the same time.

That earns Rey a trip out to the floor so Angle and Benoit can hit the match for their usual fast paced sequence. Kurt can’t get the ankle but settles for a two count with his feet on the ropes. Rey comes back in and avoids a charge to send Kurt shoulder first into the post. Not that it matters as Benoit is right there for a German suplex.

Chris throws Rey to the floor but gets chopped n the corner by a fresh Angle. We hit the rolling German suplexes and an Angle Slam on Benoit but Rey dropkicks Kurt for two. Benoit is sent outside this time and Rey scores with a dive, only to have Angle send him into the barricade.

Back in and Benoit gets his ankle locked until he grabs the rope, setting up a double 619. Angle blocks the West Coast Pop but gets rolled up for two more. Now it’s Kurt getting caught in the Crossface but Rey breaks it up by Dropping the Time for a VERY close two on Benoit. Angle gets suplexed to the floor and Benoit throws Rey over his head and onto the ropes, only to have Rey springboard into the West Coast Pop for the pin to blow the roof off the place.

Rating: A-. I’m exhausted after watching that. I didn’t skip more than a few moves here and there and all three guys came off looking outstanding. It’s a great example of just letting people do crazy sequences and look awesome all over the place. I’m going to need a little time to get over the idea that Mysterio won in his hometown. When was that concept banned? Anyway, check this one out after you see Eddie vs. Edge.

Overall Rating: A+. That’s probably the best Smackdown of all time and I’d be surprised if anything ever topped it. The worst match of the night was either Undertaker destroying Matt Hardy or a surprisingly good Rikishi vs. Chavo match. Even if you’re not impressed with that one, it didn’t even break five minutes. Throw in two classics and Torrie in a rather nice looking swimsuit and I don’t know what else you could ask for. Check this show out and have a great time with it because it might be the best Smackdown I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Unforgiven 2002
Date: September 22, 2002
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Tazz, Jerry Lawler

This isn’t exactly the most thrilling show in the world as the main events are Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, HHH vs. Rob Van Dam for the Raw World Title and Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning in the battle of the general managers. Yeah it’s not a good sign that we’re already doing interpromotional matches this soon on nothing pay per views. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how we have TWO World Title matches tonight and calls the World Heavyweight Title (which it again tries to call the same thing as the WCW World Title) a “symbol of defiance”. So aside from the fact that IT’S NOT THE WCW TITLE, we’re supposed to buy that it’s defiant as it’s held by the most old school guy on the roster? To be fair, the sleeper is indeed pretty defiant.

If nothing else we get to hear Adrenaline all night long. Maybe this show won’t be that bad.

Un-Americans vs. Goldust/Bubba Ray Dudley/Kane/Booker T.

JR calls them the Unforgivens, which is a better sounding name for a stable (not this stable but a stable) actually. Goldust clotheslines Storm and Christian to start and it’s off to Bubba for the Flip Flop and Fly (Bubba with each pelvic thrust: “U! S! A!”) Bubba’s flapjack gets two as the fans are all over Regal, who I guess is officially a member of the team.

It’s off to Booker vs. Regal with the former playing D-Von on What’s Up (not touching that one), meaning it’s table time. The referee is actually smart enough to cut off the table, allowing it to be dropkicked into Booker’s face. That means we’re stuck with the WE WANT TABLES chant as Regal forearms Booker in the face a few times.

Christian comes in and eats a spinebuster, allowing the hot tag to Kane. Everything breaks down as house is cleaned, leaving Test to miss the pumphandle slam. Booker gets in the Spinarooni but gets decked by Christian. We hit the parade of secondary finishers until Kane chokeslams Storm for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a great match but it was a perfect choice for the opener. The whole “let’s fight for AMERICA” is always going to work and the flag being waved post match (you know it’s going to be) is all that needs to happen here. It’s a good example of something simple that did exactly what it was supposed to and that’s perfectly fine.

The flag is indeed waved.

Noted tag team specialist Stephanie McMahon gives Billy and Chuck a pep talk. Stephanie: “This is about pride. This is about respect. This is about…” Billy: “Making sure you don’t have to French kiss a lesbian tonight?” It’s a funny line so Stephanie cuts the laughter because THIS IS SERIOUS.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Jericho is defending after losing to Flair last month and wanting to get some revenge. Flair is in black trunks and purple boots tonight for a really odd combination. Some chops look to set up the Figure Four in the first minute of the match so Jericho kicks him outside without too much effort.

Jericho’s missile dropkick gets two and it’s off to the abdominal stretch. That’s enough for Flair to start his comeback (rather soon for that) with chops and a whip into the post. The bulldog takes Flair back down but Jericho tweaks his knee on the Lionsault. Flair ACTUALLY BACKS OFF from the injury and Jericho goldbricks his way into the Walls to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Ok where’s the real ending for this one? I’m not a huge Flair fan but there is no way he’s going to do something like this. The idea is that Flair is losing his touch but I have a major issue believing that Flair would EVER fall for something like this. On top of that the match was barely six minutes long on a pay per view. What else could they have more important than a title match?

Eric Bischoff gives 3 Minute Warning the same speech. Ah yes: the build to the Eric vs. Stephanie feud would indeed be more important than a title match. Bischoff has brought in Rico to manage the team tonight.

Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is jealous of Edge being a pretty boy. Edge is all fired up to start so Eddie gets him into a chase around the ring. Back in and Edge takes over in the corner until a tornado DDT puts him right back down. The announcers bring up the concussion from Thursday so it makes sense to go after Edge’s head. At least he’s not likely to no sell a head injury on his finisher.

Eddie wraps his legs around Edge’s shoulders (picture a victory roll position but with Edge on his back) and cranks on the head for a pretty unique looking hold. We hit the more traditional front facelock for a bit until Edge gets in a hard right hand to put both guys down. They slug it out from their knees with the Canadian getting the better of it and the faceplant connecting for two.

Eddie’s hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for an even closer near fall. The Edgecution is only broken up with a foot on the bottom rope and Edge is getting frustrated. That means a dropkick to give Eddie an opening and he takes a buckle pad off. Edge goes up top but gets knocked into the steel, setting up a sunset bomb to give Guerrero the pin.

Rating: B+. Edge is looking more and more comfortable in the ring every single time and that’s quite the thing to see. He’s turned into a near main eventer in front of our eyes and Eddie Guerrero is the perfect choice to make that work. This was the best thing on the show so far and I can’t imagine much giving it a run for its money.

HHH goes in to see Rob Van Dam and rips on him for not having enough heart. Flair is sitting next to them and HHH says Ric used to have the heart that he’s talking about. Van Dam would rather hang with Flair than HHH and that’s about it.

Long recap of 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck because we haven’t seen the wedding video in days at this point. We see the women’s protest too as we need to make it clear that Stephanie outsmarted Bischoff and got the last laugh.

3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck

Rico gets in a kick to Chuck’s head to start so the Samoans can take over, leaving Cole to explain the stipulations AGAIN because it’s the most brilliant idea ever and you’re too stupid to get it through your head. Chuck can’t get out of the corner as Jamal kicks him in the face for two.

A chinlock keeps Chuck in trouble as this isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire so far. The very slow and rather uninteresting beating continues because no one in this match knows how to properly take over. Rosey misses a moonsault and the hot tag brings in Billy to clean house.

Naturally he’s dumb enough to ram the Samoans’ heads together and so much for Billy and Chuck being on offense. Chuck breaks up Jamal’s top rope splash and gets in a superkick, only to take one from Jamal. Billy makes the mistake of going after Rico and a double Samoan drop finishes him off, turning 3 Minute Warning into huge faces as the HLA chants begin.

Rating: D. And that’s it for the match, until Stephanie and Eric get to come out and do the real stuff later. The problem here is there’s no particular reason for these guys to hate each other as it’s all about the bosses. Bischoff pays the Samoans and Billy and Chuck are now on Stephanie’s side because they’re all from Smackdown. That’s far from enough of a reason to care but WWE doesn’t get that because apparently Eric and Stephanie are just such fascinating characters.

Bischoff has his lesbians ready to go

We recap HHH vs. Van Dam. HHH was handed the Raw World Title and Van Dam won a four way to get the shot. Since the match was set, HHH has cost Van Dam the Intercontinental Title which should mean a new champion but of course that’s just not going to happen.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is challenging. They start slowly and there’s a good chance this is going to be a long match. Rob slips away from a hammerlock and slaps HHH in the face to get the frustration going. We hit the headlock on the mat to keep HHH in trouble so he bails outside. Back in and Rob takes some water to mock the spitting pose. With the mat soaked, let’s go back to that headlock.

They trade some rollups into a bridging backslide spot but instead of doing that, let’s hit the headlock AGAIN. Rob finally hits a kick to put HHH on the floor and that means a big flip dive but the champ gets out of the way. Back in and a catapult sends Van Dam’s throat into the bottom rope, setting up a neckbreaker for two. The jumping knee gets the same and it’s time for that freaking sleeper.

Rob escapes (because it’s just a sleeper) and comes back with his usual, including a slingshot dive to graze HHH. Some kicks set up the ref bump and the Pedigree is countered into a slingshot. Rob scores with the Five Star but there’s no ref, allowing HHH to get the sledgehammer. Van Dam kicks it into his face, drawing out Flair for the SHOCKING heel turn, including a sledgehammer shot to keep the title on HHH.

Rating: D+. This was your standard HHH match of the time: long, dull and with a pretty obvious ending. I mean, I know all of the signs pointed to Van Dam winning the title here but that might mean HHH isn’t the most important wrestler in the world. You know, with his manly sleeper and all that. The Flair stuff was obvious too as you don’t have someone come out for anything but a heel turn. Nothing to see here but that’s what you have to expect in this era.

D’Lo Brown and Kidman talk about what just happened when an actor from the Young and the Restless comes up for a completely worthless cameo. Dawn Marie comes up to take him away. It really is as random as it sounds.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending and they trade wristlocks to start. Trish stops a charge in the corner as Lawler wants to take Molly’s virginity. They head outside for nothing interesting and it’s time for some choking back inside. As expected, Lawler moves right back to HLA because he hasn’t talked about it in all of five minutes. Trish gets in her first major offense with the bulldog followed by the Chuck Kick for two. Molly comes right back by putting Trish in the Tree of Woe for a handspring crash, only to get caught in another bulldog to give Trish the title in a very sudden ending.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this aside from filling in some time? It was a short match and didn’t go anywhere because the Women’s Title hasn’t meant anything in a LONG time. Trish was definitely one of the best in the division at this point but when you have Torrie and Nidia getting so much TV time, this doesn’t exactly mean anything.

The lesbians celebrate with 3 Minute Warning and Rico. Bischoff will pay for their night out. Why would the LESBIANS be interested in this? Actually never mind as Eric holds two of them back for later.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle which is basically an argument over who is the better submission wrestler. Does Benoit vs. Angle need a story?

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

It’s an intense lockup to start with both guys falling out to the floor. Back in and they hit the mat for some technical stuff that no pairing could do better. With that going nowhere, it’s off to a long pinfall reversal sequence and you can tell the fans are respectfully silent instead of bored silent.

Angle slips out of a Crossface and bails to the floor as the fans give them a round of applause. Well deserved indeed. It’s off to a waitlock on Benoit for a bit before he sends Angle shoulder first into the post twice in a row. That’s enough defense for Kurt so he pops him over with a belly to belly.

Kurt can’t follow up though and it’s time to roll some German suplexes, only to have Angle reverse into a series of his own. Benoit starts snapping off even more of his own and Angle reverses AGAIN into his second series. Chris slips out of the Angle Slam and gets in one more with Angle getting flipped over onto his face.

Angle doesn’t stay down long though as he pops to his feet and runs the ropes for the super belly to belly. The ankle lock is reversed into a tombstone shoulder breaker of all things and Benoit hits the Swan Dive for a delayed two. The Crossface goes on but Kurt grabs the ankle lock while still in the hold for the break. How smart is this guy?

Angle gets the regular ankle lock before switching over to a Crossface on Benoit. Ever the villain, Kurt puts the rope away with his boot and gets yelled at by the referee, allowing Benoit to break the hold. One more rollup with Benoit’s feet going on the ropes for the surprise pin.

Rating: A-. Awesome stuff here and a nice callback to Wrestlemania XVII with Angle using the tights to pin Benoit after a submission battle. Benoit cheating to win makes sense as he’s doing the same thing Angle was doing earlier so it’s not exactly the dirtiest move in the world. It’s not like these two having a great match is any surprise but it’s one of their better efforts.

Lesnar isn’t worried about Undertaker.

It’s HLA time with Bischoff bringing out the lesbians. He’s scoured the country to find the best choice and introduces the ladies as Peaches and Cream. The girls give us a preview but Bischoff cuts them off before they can kiss. Bischoff brings Stephanie out and Lawler of course points out how hot she is (to be fair, he’s not wrong).

The girls take their tops off and remove Stephanie’s jacket for her as Lawler is on the verge of losing it. They rub Stephanie’s back but Eric has had it with the foreplay and tells them to get this going. Actually never mind as Bischoff has changed his mind and sends the lesbians away. He’s found a special lesbian for Stephanie and it’s……Rikishi in drag, which Bischoff somehow doesn’t see.

Bischoff calls “her” Hildegard and says she’s done prison time. Stephanie gets into the kissing and of course it’s Rikishi, which is actually treated as a surprise. A superkick puts Eric into the corner and for some reason Rikishi is wearing a bra. Bischoff gets the Stinkface as I try to figure something out: in theory, Stephanie put Rikishi up to this (or Rikishi is a cross dresser) so how complicated was this plan (and why were the original lesbians there in the first place other than tormenting the crowd) and how blind is Bischoff?

Like, did Stephanie figure out that Bischoff had this whole thing set up and then get Rikishi to do this as a backup plan? And Bischoff just saw the massive Samoan “woman” and had NO QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS??? Anyway Rikishi and Stephanie dance as Cole says “Stephanie rocks!” and Tazz says this is the funniest thing he’s ever seen.

The other major problem here: even though Stephanie’s team lost, she gets her revenge in all of an hour and a half. This is after she had the wedding go bad and got revenge for that four days later on the next show. If WWE wants her to be this major hero who stands up for the people, it might help if she was in distress for more than a week at one point or another. She’s always got the answer to everything, making it feel more like a sitcom than a show I’m supposed to believe is real.

We recap Undertaker vs. Lesnar with the music video treatment. Basically Undertaker has been around forever but has never faced anything like this. Lesnar is undefeated but never gotten beaten up before.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Lesnar is defending. We start with the big power lockup with Undertaker shoving Lesnar all the way out to the floor. It happens again so Lesnar kicks the steps while Heyman does some coaching. Back in and Brock starts kicking him into the corner, only to get caught with Old School.

Heyman gets kicked off the apron but the distraction lets Lesnar drive Undertaker into the corner to take over. A hard powerslam stays on Undertaker’s ribs and it’s off to a waistlock to keep up the focused attack. Undertaker sends him outside but Heyman is right there with the distraction so Lesnar can get in a belt shot to take over again, drawing some blood in the process. Back in and Undertaker boots him in the face twice in a row for two straight near falls.

We get a ref bump and OF COURSE Undertaker hits the chokeslam a second later for no count. Cue Matt Hardy to take a quick Last Ride but Brock scores with the spinebuster for two. The ref gets bumped a second time (now that’s just excessive) so Heyman throws in a chair which is kicked straight into Lesnar’s face. Two big chair shots to the head put Lesnar on the floor as Brock is busted too. Back in and both finishers are countered so they brawl into the corner, giving us a third ref bump (same ref too) for the REALLY lame double DQ.

Rating: D. There was a good power brawl buried underneath the ref bumps, the chair and the pretty worthless Matt Hardy cameo. Then there’s the ending, which doesn’t do anyone any favors and is clearly only there because Undertaker didn’t want to do the job. Just too much stuff messing up what should have been an F5 for the pin but that’s not how Undertaker rolls around here.

Undertaker throws him through the set to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s good and bad stuff on here but unfortunately the bad stuff is also the important stuff and that’s not something you can get around. The two World Title matches were both big misses and that’s too much for a great Benoit vs. Angle match and a strong Eddie vs. Edge match to overcome, especially when you add in the whole Stephanie vs. Eric thing.

Like it or not, that’s the biggest story in the company right now: the battling general managers. They’re supposed to be fighting over brand supremacy but no one has given us a reason to care about either brand in particular. Then again that never stopped anyone from running with an idea before and it seems that we’re going to be stuck with this one for a good while to come. It’s all about the big angle and if people don’t like it, that’s just too bad. There’s enough strong stuff on here but it really needs some major editing and re-writes to make it a good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: September 19, 2002
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and that means we’ll be getting some more of Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. At the same time though, you can really see the Smackdown Six being built up before our eyes and that’s nothing but good. If we can get a few ten minute matches with some outstanding action here and there in between the Eric Bischoff vs. Stephanie McMahon nonsense, everything should be fine. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the wedding because that’s the top story at the moment since it involves the feuding bosses.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio/Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia/Jamie Noble

Torrie looks outstanding here, as in even moreso than usual. Nidia slaps her in the face to start and gets caught in a neckbreaker (normally Torrie’s finisher) for two. It’s off to Jamie to take Torrie to the mat but she brings Rey in almost immediately. Rey gets planted on his face but gets in the sitout bulldog for two. Nidia keeps validating her employment by distracting Rey so Noble can get in a hard clothesline. Everything breaks down and Torrie gives Nidia a Bronco Buster for the pop of the match. Noble offers to take one of his own so of course it’s Rey doing it instead. The 619 into a Code Red puts Noble away.

Rating: C. I know the women weren’t exactly the best in the world at this point but the ending accomplished its goal and the Bronco Buster spot was all it needed to be. I’ll gladly take this over the champion getting pinned all over again. To be fair though I had almost forgotten that Noble was champion in the first place. Also, Mysterio goes from a classic opener against Kurt Angle at Summerslam and can’t even get on Unforgiven?

D-Von yells at Stephanie about Batista so Stephanie collects his balls. Paul Heyman comes in and says he’s brought in some off duty police officers to guard Lesnar. They might not be necessary though as Undertaker had to take his wife Sara to the hospital for false labor. He’s on his way here though and Heyman is distraught. Lesnar seems pleased though.

Here’s Stephanie in the arena because we haven’t seen her recently enough. You don’t screw with McMahons because they always get even in the end. That means a clip of the women’s protest on Monday and another to set up 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck on Sunday. As for the stipulations, she’ll address those when she and Bischoff have a face to face video chat later tonight (OF COURSE there’s a big segment for that story later) but for now, here are Billy and Chuck.

Billy says it’s time to set the record straight….so to speak. Maybe he could keep teaming with Chuck or maybe he could work on a singles career. Chuck: “So you’re saying you go both ways?” Cue Kurt Angle of all people to say this sounds like a bad episode of Three’s Company.

Angle made some publicity of his own back in 1996 and he didn’t do it by making out with Carl Lewis. Kurt insists that he’s not gay and he has no problem with anyone who is because gays love him. Angle: “I’m freaking adorable!” A tag match is made for later and Stephanie gives Angle Chris Benoit as a partner. Angle is so freaked out that he keeps making unintentional gay jokes, such as that being a hard one to swallow. More greatness from Angle.

Security won’t come out to the ring with Lesnar because they weren’t hired to work in the arena.

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

Non-title and something that would be a bit different today. Like Cena would be wearing jean shorts while Lesnar squashed him. Lesnar forearms him in the back of the head to start and hits the first overhead belly to belly. Brock starts pounding him in the back and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. A waistlock has Cena in even more trouble as the very slow pace continues. Brock stays on the ribs for a bit longer, shrugs off the comeback, and finishes with the F5.

Rating: D. What the heck happened to Cena? He was the hottest rookie around for a long time (possibly even hotter than Brock, or at least showing more fire) and now I can’t even remember the last time he won a match. It doesn’t help that he never really had a character so there wasn’t exactly anywhere for him to go. Lesnar vs. Undertaker still isn’t looking interesting but at least they’re doing something with the feud to try and get it somewhere.

Video on Rikishi, who was shot back in 1986. Ok then.

Video on Undertaker, who really doesn’t need a video package. At least it’s set to Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, which I’ve always liked.

Eddie Guerrero wants revenge on Edge for the Stinkface. If that means more Edge vs. Eddie, I guess I can live with it.

Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. Edge/Rikishi

Chavo slaps Rikishi to start in what is apparently a show of disrespect, because Rikishi is someone to be respected all of a sudden. Edge comes in to take over without much effort but gets sent to the floor where he has to avoid a chair shot from Eddie. The cousins start in on the back and of course we get some classic cheating because that’s what Guerreros do.

Edge gets in a powerslam but Eddie cheap shots Rikishi to prevent the hot tag. I love how so many of those spots have been used for the better part of twenty years and simply do not get old. A tornado DDT is broken up and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. We get the double crush in the corner but only Chavo takes the Stinkface. Eddie bails to the floor so Chavo hits Rikishi with a TV camera for the pin.

Rating: C-. Rikishi is fine for the hot tag stuff but I still don’t see why he’s in this spot and the story about him being shot really didn’t do much to get him to another level. Eddie vs. Edge is still good and the idea of Eddie not liking him due to Edge being considered a pretty boy is more than fine.

Post match Eddie chairs Edge in the face to cut him open.

It’s time for the Stephanie vs. Bischoff sitdown interview with Stephanie getting to be all smug over kicking Eric low on Monday. Bischoff laughs it off and loves the idea of Stephanie having to perform HLA if Billy and Chuck lose on Sunday. Stephanie accepts and says she’s not even worried about Billy and Chuck losing (What confidence!) because she might just enjoy HLA. In other words, no matter what happens, Stephanie doesn’t lose. Well of course she doesn’t.

Matt Hardy vs. The Hurricane

Hurricane is just in tights here with no sleeveless shirt on. Matt has something to say before the match but a WE WANT JEFF chant cuts him off. A quick rollup gives Matt two and the Jeff chants throw him off again. Hurricane grabs a victory roll for his own two and does his pose, earning himself a right hand to the jaw. The announcers try to figure out what Matt Hardy Version I means as Hurricane can’t hit the chokeslam.

A Ricochet gets two on Hurricane as the fans switch over to wanting Lita. Hurricane’s neckbreaker drops Matt and now the announcers want Undertaker to shot up and pummel Hardy. The Shining Wizard gets two on Matt as this is WAY better than I was expecting. Matt grabs a quick Side Effect and sneaks in a low blow to set up the Twist of Fate for the pin.

Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when you let these North Carolina guys get together. This was a really fun match with both guys trading good looking moves until Matt cheated to win. It made for some entertaining stuff and while the announcers got annoying (as expected), that’s what you can expect from Smackdown.

Heyman thinks Undertaker is waiting on Lesnar so they’re not leaving.

We run down Sunday’s card and it’s still not very interesting.

Billy and Chuck vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Angle and Benoit don’t get along. Billy and Benoit start things off but Chris chops Angle for a tag. The team that actually gets along takes over on Kurt and Benoit finds this very amusing. Billy’s tilt-a-whirl slam gets two but Billy poses a bit too much, allowing Benoit to get in a cheap shot. It’s off to Benoit for the rolling German suplexes as this really isn’t the way you want to treat your new top face tag team.

Billy finally avoids a charge from Benoit and gives Kurt the One and Only, setting up the hot tag. Chuck cleans as much house as Chuck Palumbo is going to be able to do before getting caught in the ankle lock. That’s not cool with Benoit who throws Angle away so he can put Chuck in the Crossface. Billy makes the save, meaning Chuck should have gotten beaten twice. Chuck gets in a superkick on Benoit for the pin.

Rating: D+. What the heck was that? I mean, Billy and Chuck are going into the semi-main event at Unforgiven (it’s gotten WAY more hype than anything other than the two World Title matches and you could easily argue it’s beaten both of those) and this is the best you can do for them? They couldn’t beat up some thrown together team for their big face debut? Speaking of them being faces, why is that the case? Their big moment was admitting they were lying to the fans and then they stand up for Stephanie or whatever and now they’re fan favorites? That’s really not impressive.

Benoit and Angle trade submissions post match, making Billy and Chuck look even more worthless.

Undertaker arrives with ten minutes left in the show.

Here’s Undertaker to the ring for the last minute hard sell. He calls Lesnar out and gets his wish in a hurry with Heyman not being able to hold him back. Undertaker starts slugging away as Heyman calls out the troops. That means Matt Hardy, who takes the beating on Lesnar’s behalf. Undertaker chases after Lesnar, who has been arrested and put into protective custody. What a lame ending.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a good show on its own but a pretty horrible go home show. To be fair though that’s because Unforgiven is a miserable pay per view and really doesn’t need to exist at this point. Lesnar vs. Undertaker isn’t going to be worth seeing and the build is showing it more every week. There was enough good wrestling tonight to make the show work but the pay per view just isn’t interesting and there’s no way around it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: September 12, 2002
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

TIME FOR A WEDDING! Er, a commitment ceremony! So this time around, WWE has decided to try and run a gay wedding for the sake of publicity, which is exactly what they got from it. Billy and Chuck are becoming “tag team partners for life” here and I’ll give you three guesses how legitimate this is. Let’s get to it.

We open with a wedding invitation because of course we do. Oh and this is the season premiere. So last week’s average show was a season finale? They need to work on this stuff.

Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker’s confrontation last week.

Opening sequence.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Non-title. They slug it out to start with Holly hanging in there until it’s an overhead belly to belly suplex to make things right with the world. A front facelock only seems to annoy Holly and he takes Lesnar outside to turn it into another brawl. Raw power gets Lesnar out of trouble again though as he sends Holly back first into the post and grabs another suplex. The LESNAR chants start up with the announcers mentioning his connections to the state. That’s a simple little save but very helpful to keeping Lesnar looking like a heel.

A delayed vertical suplex sets up a bearhug but Brock charges into some boots in the corner. That earns him a completely botched powerbomb with Holly handing on his head, putting him out of action for over a year. Holly somehow gets in a dropkick and the kick to the ribs, only to eat the F5 for the pin.

Rating: D. Really dull stuff here and that’s not the most surprising thing in the world. What is surprising is seeing Holly popping up and finishing the match despite his neck being destroyed like that. I know he might not be the most popular guy in the world but he’s certainly one of the toughest, which means a lot on its own.

Undertaker and his wife arrive. Uh, didn’t that go badly for Undertaker last time?

Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. John Cena/Edge

Cena is in Minnesota Vikings colors and it’s a brawl to start with the cousins jumping the makeshift team to start. That earns Eddie a pull of the mullet before Cena spins out of a double top wristlock. Eddie and Chavo beat him down on the floor though and Chavo gets in a very hard clothesline.

Back to back gorilla press slams have Eddie in trouble so he calmly dropkicks the knee out because Cena isn’t ready to take Eddie on yet. The tag brings in Edge to clean house until Chavo crotches him against the post. Eddie runs up the corner for a hurricanrana but the half nelson faceplant is enough for the hot tag to Cena (Fan’s sign: “HOT TAG!”. Eh better than “the guy behind me can’t see”.). Everything breaks down and Edge goes shoulder first into the post. Cena is left all alone to take the brainbuster and frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C+. This worked like you would expect it to but I continue to be confused by Cena. He came in white hot and hit the ground running but then he was losing to D-Von and getting pinned clean in tag matches. As is so often the case, you need more than just a wrestling match to get someone over and the lack of any development is really hurting Cena.

Post match Eddie loads up a Stinkface with Chavo playing Rikishi but Edge breaks it up and puts Eddie’s face in there instead.

As expected, Eddie goes nuts on Chavo post break.

Undertaker says Sara is here because she has family in Minneapolis. Matt Hardy comes in and says he’ll have a kid one day with all his Mattributes. That earns Matt a shove into a wall, earning Undertaker the promise of a Mattitude Adjustment.

Rico can’t get the right figures on top of a cake but needs to talk to Stephanie. She can’t go because she has bad luck at weddings (ok I chuckled at that) but Rico gets close to having a meltdown and talks her into it.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Kurt thinks it’s funny that we’re in “Mini” and he’s facing Mysterio again. Angle: “You know, mini? He’s short. Oh come on that’s funny.” Angle doesn’t want to hear Chris Benoit laughing at him anymore either but jumps back to Mysterio, who is a boy in a man’s world. Kurt: “And I’m a man who loves to play with boys. Wait! I meant to say you’re a boy and I’m a man and tonight I’m going to manhandle you!” If that’s not enough comedy for you, the announcers spend Mysterio’s entrance talking about how the wedding isn’t for ratings and Bischoff used HLA to catch up with Smackdown’s quality.

Some early suplexes have Rey in trouble so he speeds things up (makes sense) with a headscissors. Angle goes shoulder first into the post and a springboard moonsault gets two. A frustrated Kurt flips Rey upside down with a release German suplex and things get more into Kurt’s pace.

We hit the bodyscissors to keep Rey down, followed by some rolling German suplexes to make things even worse. Rey fights right back with a moonsault press and a crossbody to put Angle on the floor. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Kurt has to settle for a regular hurricanrana for a close two. Rey takes a bit too long going up though and the corner running Angle Slam puts him away.

Rating: B+. For a TV match, this was absolutely great stuff. These two always have chemistry together, but to be fair that’s the case with almost anyone Angle faces. He’s the kind of guy who can have a good match against anyone and it made for an entertaining match here. Really strong match and that shouldn’t be a surprise in the slightest.

Someone from the wedding party arrives in a long black limousine.

Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi

Rikishi slugs away to start and grabs a sitout spinebuster for no cover. Instead Rikishi gets kicked low and chopped down but the Crossface can’t go on full. Rikishi fights up and tries the Rump Shaker, only to get caught in a rather impressive electric chair drop. The Swan Dive is loaded up but here’s Angle to shove Benoit off the top for the DQ.

Rating: D. So you remember how I said Angle can work well with anyone? Well that’s not the case with Rikishi, who just has no place at this level and everyone knows it. I really have no idea why he’s here, especially when there are a lot of people ready to be raised up to get a shot like this. Orton and Cena are reduced to jobbing roles but Rikishi can be pushed this hard?

Post match Angle holds Benoit in place for the Stinkface.

The wedding ceremony is being set up so Benoit spends the time getting a match with Angle at Unforgiven. Stephanie agrees as Matt comes in and gets a match with Undertaker tonight.

Here’s Rico to complain about how the ceremony isn’t what he ordered, including a very old Justice of the Peace. The singers belt out It’s Raining Men to bring Billy and Chuck to the ring (edited off the Network of course, making for a very awkward transition) and the old man dances. With the Justice’s hands shaking, Chuck talks about how he didn’t know much about Billy when they met.

Billy might have captured a lot of tag team gold but now he’s captured Chuck’s heart. Billy: “That was corny! Even for you!” Rings are exchanged and Rico is all aglow. Rico presents a video called Our Love Story with various comedic/romantic moments between the two of them which is so cheesy it almost works in a way.

We get the speak now line and here’s Godfather with the ladies. Godfather knows Billy has some pimp in him and Chuck was a great skirt chaser, especially with the heftier ladies. Rico will have none of this and dismisses the “Good Time Girls” so the ceremony can continue. Anyway, Billy says yes and Chuck does the same, albeit with some cold feet.

The Justice of the Peace almost pronounces them as married but Chuck says hang on because this was a publicity stunt that got WAY out of hand. Billy flat out says they’re not gay but they have no problem with gay people. Rico loses it but the Justice of the Peace says this is the kind of love that can go on for fifty years, sixteen months…..or three minutes.

The shaking stops and the voice changes with the old man ripping off the prosthetic makeup to reveal Eric Bischoff. I know you can tell it a lot better now with the voice but this COMPLETELY got me back in the day and was one of the best surprises I had ever seen. 3 Minute Warning comes in for the beatdown with Bischoff holding Stephanie back.

Stephanie takes a Samoan drop (BIG pop for that) and I’m sure that’s going to warrant another year of her glorious presence on TV. Edge, Cena and Mysterio come in for the save. The rest of the locker room comes out as well because WE ALL LOVE STEPHANIE and Smackdown is awesome and such.

This one deserves a few notes. First of all, we come back from a break with a listen to the Unforgiven theme song: Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, featuring the line “Nobody said this stuff makes any sense.” Well of course it doesn’t. It’s a wrestling angle mainly focusing on the bosses.

That’s the next important note: the recap focuses almost ENTIRELY on Bischoff and Stephanie with the whole wedding, Billy and Chuck, Rico and 3 Minute Warning and anything else being forgotten because we need a long look at how stunned Stephanie was. I know it was shocking, but there were more people there than just Stephanie.

Third, this whole “WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER” stuff didn’t work for WCW and it didn’t work in the Invasion so it’s not going to work here. We just watched Edge shove Eddie’s face into a rather unpleasant area of Chavo’s body but OH NO STEPHANIE IS IN TROUBLE so they’ll band together to help save her? Get out of here with that nonsense. It’s way too much to accept and it’s all for the sake of pushing Raw vs. Smackdown which wasn’t interesting in the first place and still isn’t here.

Finally, I have to mention GLAAD (a gay rights group) completely buying into the story and actually sending a wedding present (it was a gravy boat). After it was revealed to be a ruse, GLAAD ripped WWE apart, all while people were laughing at them for somehow trusting a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ANGLE to be on the up and up. That always gave me a good chuckle and I really don’t feel a bit sorry for them looking stupid. Think this stuff through.

Nidia vs. Torrie Wilson

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Torrie getting in a few chops to take over. The announcers talk about the wedding shenanigans and for once it’s acceptable given how big (albeit stupid) that angle was. Nidia charge into the buckle and gets caught with a neckbreaker for the fast pin.

Undertaker tells Sara this won’t take long.

Matt recruits Brock to be at ringside with him.

Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy

Lesnar and Heyman are at ringside too. Heyman immediately starts running around the ring and throws a chair in with Tazz blaming Stacker 2 (sponsor) for all the energy. Undertaker will have none of this and grabs a powerslam to plant Hardy. Heyman gets ejected and the distraction lets Hardy get in a low blow.

A quick clothesline from Brock puts Undertaker down again and that’s a second ejection. As you probably guessed, Undertaker shrugs it off and beats the heck out of Matt but Heyman shows up in Sara’s locker room. Undertaker runs off for the save (thankfully without an awkward stare at the screen) and the no contest.

Rating: D. This was an excuse to get to the ending and there’s nothing wrong with that. They didn’t exactly hide what they were going for with Sara being shown right before the match and that’s how it should have gone. I’ll even give them points for Hardy not losing, which really is kind of a surprise.

Undertaker charges to the back and chokes Heyman but takes a chair to the head from Lesnar. Brock puts his hand on Sara’s pregnant stomach to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The wedding sent this one flying off a cliff and there wasn’t enough time to recover. That twenty minute segment sucked the life out of the place and that’s not good considering how big of a deal this was supposed to be. I really don’t know how much longer they can keep up this Stephanie vs. Eric stuff but knowing WWE, I’d put a low estimate at about six months minimum with the audience’s level of interest having no impact whatsoever.

The rest of the show was up and down as well but that Angle vs. Mysterio match is worth checking out. I had a good time with some of it but so much of the show was built around one really bad idea that it’s hard to give it the benefit of the doubt. Unforgiven is getting one of the worst builds to a pay per view I’ve seen in a long time and that’s not good, especially after a classic like Summerslam.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Just…..wow.  This has been floating around for a bit and if this is the case, I have no idea where we are on a lot of these things.  Here it is with a thought or two per match.

WWE Universal Championship
Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar

Someone explain to me why this is the main event and for a title.  Please, someone tell me why that’s what we need.  I can almost buy this as the main event (assuming Goldberg can go more than five minutes) but why in the world does this need to be for the title?  Does the winner really need to take the title on hiatus for weeks at a time?  That’s their best idea?

WWE Championship
Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton

If this happens, Wyatt better win.  Orton doesn’t need this and Wyatt is considered a choker so let him defend the title here and eventually drop it to someone over the summer.  This should be a layup so I don’t buy it happening, unfortunately.

RAW Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

Again, this should be a layup (as well as a singles match but WE MUST GO FOUR WAYS!) and by that I mean…..actually it should be Sasha turning heel and getting the big title win, setting up Bayley with the big singles win around Summerslam.  I know people want to see Bayley win the title here but she’s not ready yet.

Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

This is one of two schools of thought.  If they try to have Reigns go in as the mega face, it doesn’t matter who wins because Reigns will be blown into the Atlantic by the booing.  If they have Reigns as the heel monster who spears old man Undertaker over and over until he can’t get up anymore, I’m sold like Hercules to DiBiase.

Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

If they just absolutely have to do this (and they clearly do because it’s HHH at Wrestlemania), please don’t screw it up by having it go half an hour.  This is nowhere near as big a match as WWE seems to think it is but it seems to be what we’re getting, assuming Seth can walk again.  I’ve heard rumors of Shane McMahon replacing Seth if he can’t go but either way, HHH needs to go down here.

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

I could go for this being for the US Title and all they have to do is have Jericho put Owens on the List for some reason.  This is the match that should happen, has been planned for months and needs to take place by schedule.  Stop messing with the good ideas you have and everything will be fine.

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

Of all the matches on the card, I think this one makes me madder than all the rest.  AJ had one of the best years in company history but for some reason he’s stuck babysitting the boss at Wrestlemania.  The match will have some big spots and entertaining moments but how much praise do you think AJ is going to get for it?  This is going to be the Shane McMahon Show and that’s a very sad moment for AJ.

John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse

BRING BACK SHANE!  Word on the street says this is Nikki’s last match with Cena possibly proposing after the match.  You know, because WRESTLEMANIA needs to be a Nikki Bella night.  Cena isn’t going to be around much longer and now we get to hear about how Nikki has just overcome so much and how she’s earned all this and should get her happiness or whatever, because somewhere along the line she because Trish Stratus and Lita combined.  I can’t stand this for everyone involved as they all, save for Nikki that is, deserve so, so much better.

The Big Show vs. Shaquille O’Neal

You knew this one was going to happen and while that doesn’t make it much better, it’s still the case.  This is going to eat up about fifteen minutes with all the introductions and pre-match shenanigans and that’s fine really.  It’s going to come and go with no one remembering it so let’s get it over with and worry about the rest of the show.  I just don’t care enough to get annoyed about it and that’s fine.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

So….this is Ambrose’s spot I suppose.  I mean, it’s not like you could do one last match against Styles or have him defend against Baron Corbin.  While the latter is still a possibility, it seems more likely that they’ll put them both in the battle royal or on the pre-show because Nikki’s proposal needs more time.  I’ll actually take Corbin winning again here, which would be a great idea for him.

This isn’t the strongest card in the world but there’s more to like about it than last year’s show.  At least there’s no reason to believe New Day will lose to the League of Nations again.  I still want to know what was up with that.

Smackdown
Date: September 5, 2002
Location: Resch Center Arena, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s hard to say what to expect here but hopefully it’s another rocking tag match with some talented people getting to show what they can do instead of jobbing to Undertaker after a former World Champion’s finisher doesn’t have much of an effect. Oh and we get the debut of Crash Holly for reasons I don’t even want to think about. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week, which somehow gets to be narrated by Stephanie. Dang they’re getting right to the point this week. Anyway, Undertaker is challenging Brock Lesnar at Unforgiven.

Opening sequence.

Billy vs. Rey Mysterio

A very early Rico distraction (those sideburns are mesmerizing) lets Billy jump Rey and choke in the corner. The tilt-a-whirl powerslam plants Rey and Tazz makes gay jokes. Rey gets in his first offense with a dropkick to the knee so Billy clotheslines his head off, making sure that Mysterio has nothing of note so far. Rico cheats a bit more so the fans are all over him, making Rico the best thing about the match so far. More shots to the back keep Rey in trouble but a springboard dropkick sets up the 619 with Chuck making the save. That means Billy gets to work Rey over even more until Mysterio gets a fluke cradle for the pin.

Rating: D. So Mysterio can go move for move with Kurt Angle in a classic but can barely get in a dropkick on Billy Gunn of all people? This is almost entirely on Billy as he just wasn’t giving Rey anything to work with and it showed horribly. It’s ok to let Mysterio get in a little offense, get taken down, let the comeback go on for a bit and have the co-villains cheat so Rey can do the big comeback at the end. It’s called having a match with a story but this was all about Billy working Rey over without much effort.

Post match Rico tells Chuck it’s time….and he proposes to Billy because he wants to be tag team partners for life. Note that the word “marry”, “husband” or “I love you” are never mentioned. Billy says yes and hugging ensues.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon is challenging after pinning Jamie in some recent tag matches. The battle of wristlockery start things off until Shannon armdrags him down. Nidia grabs a leg but Shannon dropkicks the champ to the floor anyway. Back in and a harder clothesline than you would expect from a cruiserweight match puts Shannon back down and a belly to back gets two.

Of course the fans would rather talk about Nidia’s puppies because Raw featured a match talking about Molly Holly’s hymen, meaning you can’t quite blame them at this point. That’s what WWE has deemed acceptable from its employees so don’t act surprised when no one cares about your matches as a result. Moore elbows him in the jaw and gets a near fall of his own off a neckbreaker. A Whisper in the Wind gets the same but Jamie counters a hurricanrana with a powerbomb. The Tiger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: C+. Good match here but the fans didn’t care because WWE has given us no reason to care about them. Just because there’s good wrestling out there, no one is going to notice because WWE has made us care more about the women at ringside. I’m not sure what it means that Nidia is possibly treated with more respect than the women on Raw but it seems to be the case.

Paul Heyman is hyping Brock Lesnar up for his match with Randy Orton when Randy comes up and says absolutely nothing of note.

Edge and Rikishi are ready for a six man tag later and Rikishi actually tries to explain how the Stinkface is a symbol or something. Piece of the Kish still isn’t a good catchphrase.

Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and one of those matches that would be totally different just a few years later. Also Lesnar is now WWE Champion instead of Undisputed Champion as continuity takes another hit for the sake of pulling a title out of a briefcase. Orton charges straight at him and actually gets two off a rollup. That just means an overhead belly to belly though and Brock is already smiling.

Brock throws him over the top and hits an STO back inside. He throws Orton onto his shoulders and drives Randy back first into the buckle over and over as this is a total squash. Heyman: “HE WANTS THIS!” A dropkick to the ribs staggers Lesnar and Orton gets in the backbreaker. For reasons of general stupidity, he heads up top for the high crossbody but gets rolled through into the F5 for the pin.

Rating: C-. Is there something in the water over on Monday Night Raw? You can have Brock roll through people like this on Smackdown but Raw’s big solution is to have him sell for people and need Heyman to save him all the time? Ever since he’s gone to Smackdown he’s been treated like the monster he’s supposed to be and it’s made him a hundred times more interesting.

Mark Henry congratulates Billy and Chuck.

Crash signs his contract and thanks Stephanie when D-Von comes in. The Reverend is upset about Billy and Chuck but again we never heard the word wedding or marriage. He talks about how immoral is it but OF COURSE Stephanie cuts him off for not showing her enough respect. The ceremony is next week, D-Von faces Batista later and just in case you forgot, Stephanie is the most amazing and intimidating person ever.

Tajiri vs. Mark Henry

Tajiri’s kicks and strikes have the effect you would expect them to have and it’s time for the slow beating. The handspring elbow is knocked out of the air and Tajiri’s sunset flip has no effect at all. A running dropkick to the head works a bit better but Henry shrugs it off and powerslams him for the pin.

Rating: D. Hey, did you know that Henry is really strong? Like, REALLY strong? To the point that he can bend frying pans and is barely hurt by someone kicking him really hard in the head? I’m still not sure who is supposed to be impressed by Henry squashing a member of the cruiserweight division, which is often treated as a bunch of second class citizens in the first place.

Stephanie moderates a sitdown interview (in the back without much light) between Undertaker and Lesnar. After making it clear that they’re both EXCLUSIVE to Smackdown, she throws it to Brock who lists off his career accomplishments. Undertaker laughs off the idea of a young pup like Brock beating him because no one has ever taken Brock where Undertaker is taking him. Undertaker promises to beat Brock up for the first time but Heyman makes it personal by bringing up Undertaker’s wife Sara being pregnant.

If anything happens to Undertaker, he’ll take care of Sara but not the unborn child. The table it turned over and nothing happens. This was WAY too long and it really didn’t make me want to see the match any more than I already did. Granted I checked out when Stephanie started talking about how this was a Smackdown exclusive because it might be the least important detail since….oh whatever the name of whatever award/honor Stephanie has most recently won.

Reverend D-Von vs. Batista

Batista has what would be his theme song for years and the red trunks instead of the gray one he had been wearing. D-Von jumps him to start and gets in a quick chair shot, only to take a Batista Bomb for the pin in a minute and a half. The man that pinned John Cena clean last week everyone!

Nidia talks about the wedding next week (using the word for the first time) and asks Jamie if they’ll get married one day. Jamie hugs her and panics.

Matt Hardy brags about going toe to toe with Brock but Shannon isn’t all that impressed. Hardcore Holly, Matt’s opponent tonight, wants to know where the footage of Matt losing has gotten to.

Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle are ready for their six man tag tonight. Angle is annoyed at Benoit for costing him the #1 contendership so Benoit comes in and we have a staredown.

Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly

They trade rollups for two to start before opting to just punch each other in the face. Tazz would rather talk about cheese jokes (Wisconsin remember.) as Holly gets two off a belly to back suplex. A backbreaker sets up a belly to back superplex, only to have Matt knock him away and get two off a moonsault press. The Side Effect gets the same but Holly gets two of his own with a powerbomb. Neither finisher can hit so Hardy grabs a rollup, only to be reversed into another one with Holly grabbing the tights for the pin.

Rating: C+. Surprisingly good match here but I’m not sure I get the point of having Matt lose over and over when he’s getting a push with the Shannon Moore stuff. Holly isn’t great but at least he’s good for a watchable match. Matt can play the heck out of these over the top characters with huge egos and that’s what we’re getting with the Mattitude stuff.

Rico doesn’t have time to talk because he has wedding plans to set up. He’s going to be Billy’s best man.

Crash vs. Hurricane

They circle each other to start until Hurricane puts him in a Tree of Woe for a good crotching. The high crossbody gets two on Crash, followed by the Eye of the Hurricane for the same. Holly misses a charge into the post and takes a super swinging neckbreaker (that’s always looked cool) to put both guys down. The chokeslam is countered into a rollup so Crash can impress Stephanie or whatever.

Rating: D+. So now we’re to the point where we’re jobbing talented guys like the Hurricane to validate Stephanie’s investments? This is a situation where it would have been better to just have Crash show up on Smackdown one night and say he changed brands off camera. There was no need to make this a story other than for the sake of more Stephanie vs. Bischoff nonsense.

Edge/Undertaker/Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero

These are the six people from the series of matches last weeks if the reasoning isn’t clear. Rikishi and Angle gets things going and I’ll spare you the normal “why is Rikishi here” question. Thankfully it’s quickly off to Undertaker for a big boot but it’s way too early for a chokeslam. Instead Benoit comes in and kicks away in the corner, only to get tossed into the corner for his efforts.

Rikishi comes back in to far too strong of a pop and gives Benoit a sitout Rock Bottom before throwing him into Angle. Edge gets a slightly weaker pop as he goes after Eddie, who takes over off the strength of some double teaming. The heels keep Edge in trouble with the rapid tags and it’s Angle grabbing a chinlock.

An Edgecution gets Edge out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Rikishi gets in a belly to belly on Angle and superkicks Benoit, leaving Angle to take the Stinkface. Angle and Benoit have a quick collision so Chris puts him in the Crossface. Eddie is furious….and surrounded. The OH NO look on Eddie’s face when he realizes what’s going on is perfect and his trying to chill with Rikishi is even better. The spear sets up Eddie’s face being shoved into the thong, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C+. If you put Rikishi in some tights or even regular trunks, this doesn’t feel nearly as awkward. They did their thing here with the villains looking slightly more inept than they should. Benoit vs. Angle should be fun but that doesn’t make for the best tag match in the world. Edge has kind of fallen through the cracks in recent weeks and his feud with Eddie needs a boost as they barely interact directly.

Overall Rating: D+. This depends on what you find more important. The wrestling is a little better this week but the booking is atrocious, with things like Crash Holly getting a story, Billy and Chuck’s impending shenanigans, John Cena being sacrificed to D-Von of all people and Hardcore Holly beating Matt Hardy. There’s so much that can be great around here but as usual, WWE seems more interested in doing the least logical and interesting things as possible.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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I’m actually rather pleased with this one.  It’s more of a statistics/fact based one and those are always some of my favorites.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-rumble-went-off-rails/

This actually requires some backstory. 

There are actually two versions of this show but only one ever saw the light of day. The original show was scheduled for Sunday, May 26 in Florence, South Carolina. After the first match aired as scheduled, a bad thunderstorm rolled into the area and knocked out the power to the arena. The PPV feed cut out and the fans missed about an hour of the show. It did come back on in time for the main event, but no one saw the middle four matches. Those matches actually took place in the dark but to the best of my knowledge they weren’t filmed.

Obviously this wasn’t fair to the people who paid for the show, so the company held a second PPV in North Charleston, South Carolina on Tuesday, May 28^th. The show featured the two matches from the original show and three new matches that aired live. The airing of the matches was a little odd as the world title match was aired second on the second PPV while the rest of the matches were aired after, meaning the last thing on the PPV is an Intercontinental Title match instead of the WWF World Title match.

In Your House #8: Beware of Dog
Date: May 26/28, 1998
Location: Florence Civic Center, Florence, South Carolina/North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Attendance: 6,000/4,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler/Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Other than the Shawn vs. Bulldog match, the biggest match here is probably a Caribbean strap match between Savio Vega and newcomer Steve Austin. Austin isn’t a big star yet but it’s clear that the potential is there and that he could become something very big if he’s given the right amount of time. Vega was his first major feud and tonight is the blowoff between the two of them. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn while also focusing on the allegations of him breaking up Bulldog’s marriage.

Vince thanks the people that keep us free to be here tonight, which I’d assume is a shout out to the military.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marc Mero

Mero is former WCW wrestler Johnny B. Badd who jumped to the WWF at Wrestlemania. These two started feuding that night over the way Helmsley treated his valet Sable and this is their final showdown. It’s a brawl to start before Mero’s theme music is even off. Mero takes him into the corner and pounds away before punching Helmsley out to the floor. A big plancha over the top takes Helmsley down again and we head back inside for a two count.

Helmsley pokes him in the eye to get a breather but gets flipped upside down in the corner for another near fall. Mero misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post followed by Helmsley throwing him shoulder first into another post to really take over. A DDT on the arm stays on the bad shoulder as Vince warns of potential technical difficulties due to the storm but promising that they won’t last long. Mero gets pounded down and Vince isn’t pleased with the officiating so far.

A jumping knee to the face gets two on Mero and it’s off to another armbar. Mero tries to come back with a backslide but the arm gives out, allowing Helmsley to wrap it around the post again. The arm goes around the post a fourth time and Mero is in big trouble. Helmsley wraps the arm around the ropes and rams it into the buckle before putting on a cross armbreaker of all things.

After nearly a minute in the hold Mero is able to get to a rope, drawing almost no reaction from the crowd. They don’t seem all that interested in what’s going on, even though this is good stuff so far. Helmsley drops a knee onto the arm and puts on an armbar for a few moments. The shoulder is sent into the buckle again but Mero grabs a quick rollup with his feet under Helmsley’s arms for two. Helmsley wraps the arm around the ropes again and drops a top rope ax handle into the shoulder. That arm is being destroyed so far.

A hammerlock slam puts Mero down again but he gets up fast enough to crotch Helmsley on the top rope. Mero is able to snap off a top rope hurricanrana to put both guys down as the arm is too banged up. Helmsley gets taken down with a headscissors and a running knee lift before a top rope sunset flip (one of Mero’s finishers) is good for two.

Mero sends him to the floor and tries a flip dive over the ropes, only for Helmsley to move, injuring Mero’s knee in the process. Back inside and Helmsley loads up the Pedigree but Sable covers her eyes, making Helmsley drop the move. He demands that she watch but the delay lets Mero counter the second attempt into a catapult into the post for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B. This was a really nice surprise with both guys looking great out there. I loved seeing Mero wrestle with one arm as so often you’ll see someone have a limb injured and then just hold it while wrestling as usual. Very good showing here and a good example of letting the young guys set up the rest of the show in style.

Camp Cornette has a big surprise for Shawn but for now he’ll just get a smaller one: Owen Hart has a one night only manager license so he’ll be at ringside with the Bulldog.

Remember that the following match happened about an hour after the previous match.

Shawn says that he’s ready for the match but as he’s walking to the ring, Mr. Perfect smirks at him for some reason. They have a history together but haven’t had any issues for years.

WWF World Title: British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels

Before the match, attorney Clarence Mason says that Shawn has tried to break up the Smith family so he’ll be filing a lawsuit against Shawn for “attempted alienation of affection.” Shawn is given the subpena, rips it up, and gets jumped from behind to get things going. That’s about the extent of this story and no one remembered it after the show. Shawn slides between the Bulldog’s legs and pounds away, sending Smith to the floor to run away from the kick.

Michaels dives over the top to take Bulldog out and we head back inside so they can circle each other. Shawn grabs a headlock to take him down to the mat with the hold lasting for a good while. Back up and Bulldog grabs a quickly broken bearhug, only to drop down to avoid a charging Shawn and getting caught in a rollup for two. Shawn goes to a short arm scissors but Smith rolls over and lifts Shawn into the air in the same counter he made famous against Shawn back in 1992.

Bulldog stomps Shawn down a bit more and poses for good measure. We hit the chinlock before the Bulldog puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker to stay on the back. The Bulldog slams him down and hits a Samoan drop to keep Shawn in trouble. Off to another chinlock as Owen goes around ringside talking trash about Shawn.

While in the hold, something clearly goes wrong with Shawn. The referee then gets up and goes over to the timekeeper, completely ignoring the hold. Allegedly this was saying that the match’s time had been cut due to the technical issues and Shawn was throwing a fit. Great way to react by the champion there. Anyway Shawn fights up and escapes the hold but misses a charge and falls out to the floor in a heap. Bulldog rams him into the announce table as well as the apron before heading back inside for a breather.

Shawn fights back and scores with a slingshot clothesline from the apron to put both guys down again. Back up and they hit heads to knock both guys down for the third time. Shawn is up first and scores with the flying forearm before nipping up. A top rope ax handle gets two but the Bulldog accidentally runs over the referee, knocking him out to the floor.

Shawn hits the top rope elbow but has to take out Owen instead of superkicking Smith. Another referee comes out as Smith loads up the powerslam but Shawn escapes. The champion hits a belly to back suplex and all four shoulders are down. The second referee gets back in and we have a double pin.

Rating: B-. This was a solid match and set up the rematch well enough. That being said, this would have felt better if it came at the end of the show rather than in the middle, but you can’t blame the company for a bad storm. Good stuff here though with Shawn looking good and Bulldog being a good opponent for him. It also reenforces the idea that Diesel just wasn’t all that good in the ring as Smith has had his second solid title match in a few months.

Post match both guys are announced as winners by different referees. President Gorilla Monsoon comes to the ring and we get a lot of replays which show the same double pin over and over again. Since it’s a tie, Shawn retains the title but there will be a rematch next month.

Everything from this point on is from Tuesday’s show and is airing live on PPV instead of being taped.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

This is a Caribbean strap match, meaning they’re tied at the wrist and the first person to touch all four corners without interruption is the winner. Austin debuted a few months prior and is just the Ringmaster at this point, meaning he’s as generic of a heel as you could ask for. There’s potential there, but the gimmick is crippling him. The idea here is that it’s Savio’s signature match and if he wins, Austin’s manager Ted DiBiase leaves the company forever. DiBiase has a chauffeur’s hat which goes on Savio if he loses.

Austin immediately bails to the floor to start before coming back in to pound away on Vega. Savio comes back with a backdrop and Austin bails to the floor, only to have Savio pull the strap to send him ribs first into the apron. Back in and Vega whips Austin’s back with the strap and Steve just tries to get out of the ring to safety. Savio suplexes Austin back inside and the strap goes across the chest even more. Vega gets two corners but Austin trips him up to stop the streak, thereby erasing the two corners Savio touched.

Now it’s Austin’s turn to whip Vega but Savio pulls him to the mat and they go outside again. Austin gets in a HARD whip to the back before sending him back first into the barricade. Steve pulls him back up onto the apron to try and hang Savio but opts to just whip his chest instead. The strap is wrapped around Savio’s ankle so Austin can drag him around the ring but Vega breaks it up just before the third corner.

Savio starts whipping Austin again but gets backdropped out to the floor before he can get too far. The strap comes back to haunt Austin again though as Vega pulls him to the floor instead of giving Austin a breather. Vega suplexes Austin on the floor and takes him back inside where he ties Austin’s arm and leg together. Austin makes a stop and just goes nuts with the whip to take Savio’s breath away. Vega somehow gets up and crotches Austin down on the top, setting up a great looking superplex.

Savio slaps three corners but Austin makes a last second save with a spinebuster. Both guys are down again and Austin’s back is red from those strap shots. Austin chokes Savio across the ropes and with the strap before blasting him in the back for good measure. Austin gets two corners but Vega pokes him in the eyes before the third. They trade tombstone piledriver attempts but Savio falls over the top and out to the floor before either guy can hit one.

Austin hangs Savio over the ropes yet again before going up top, only to be pulled down onto the barricade. Savio pulls him into the post before taking Austin back inside for a fireman’s carry. Austin puts up a fight after two buckles but it isn’t counted as breaking the momentum so Steve pulls him down after the third. A piledriver lays out Vega again but DiBiase wants another one. Savio counters into a backdrop but Austin comes back with his Million Dollar Dream sleeper.

Vega manages to stay on his feet so Austin jumps on his back. Savio walks around and gets two corners, only to climb up the ropes and drive Austin back first onto the mat for the break. Austin comes right back with more choking, wrapping the strap around Savio’s throat and pulling him across. Steve gets two but Savio slaps both of them as he passes by. Both guys get number three so it’s next buckle wins. In a very interesting ending, they get in a tug of war over the last corner but Austin looks down at DiBiase and catapults Savio into the buckle to lose the match but also intentionally get rid of DiBiase.

Rating: A-. This is by far the best four corners strap match I’ve ever seen. They beat the tar out of each other and the story made it even better. Steve intentionally losing makes him look very smart and all the more evil because he’s willing to throw DiBiase out the door to make himself a bigger star in the future. Really good stuff here.

Savio has the fans sing the Goodbye song to DiBiase.

Vader vs. Yokozuna

Vader broke Yokozuna’s leg a few months ago so tonight is about revenge. They slug it out to start with Vader getting the best of it to start, only to have Yokozuna punch him to the floor. Cornette nearly has a fit as Yokozuna is asking for a sumo challenge. Vader gets down in a three point football stance but steps to the side instead of charging ahead. They set up again and Vader does the exact same thing. The third attempt actually happens and Vader goes down like he’s barely even there before Yokozuna clotheslines him out to the floor.

Back in and Vader pounds away at the side of the head, only to have Yokozuna sweep the leg out and fall down on Vader’s leg. Vader rolls to the floor again, making sure we don’t have more than a few consecutive seconds of action in this match. He gets back inside and just pops Yokozuna in the face with right hands. Yokozuna sweeps the leg again and drops another elbow to complete the same sequence we just saw.

This time Vader doesn’t go to the floor but rather get up and pound away on Yokozuna’s back. He can’t slam him though, allowing Yokozuna to come back with a Rock Bottom for no cover. A Samoan drop puts Vader down again but Yokozuna goes after Cornette instead of hitting the Banzai Drop. Vader saves his manager and hits a pair of Vader Bombs for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was nine minutes of the same sequences going over and over until we got to the ending. These battles of huge men rarely go anywhere because there’s only so much they can do. Yokozuna would fade away pretty quickly after this due to his immense weight. He would try for years to get back into the company but he just couldn’t get his weight under control.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Undertaker

This is a casket match. The video before the match show us the setup of Goldust vs. Ahmed Johnson from last night instead of telling us about Undertaker vs. Goldust. Goldust had given an unconscious Ahmed mouth to mouth, thereby infuriating Johnson. The lights go out (JR: “On purpose this time.”) and Undertaker appears behind Goldust in the ring. Undertaker throws the champion around on the floor before taking him inside for more of the same.

They head back outside again with Goldust being sent into steps. Back inside again as the destruction continues. A legdrop keeps Goldust in trouble and Undertaker hits what would become known as Old School. Goldust comes back with a quick slam and a tombstone of his own but Undertaker sits up almost immediately. The champion puts him in the casket but can’t get the lid shut as Undertaker comes back with right hands. Instead Goldust sends him out to the floor and into the steps before choking with an electrical cord.

Back in and Undertaker gets caught in a bad looking sleeper hold to drag the match down even more. Goldust still can’t get him in the closed casket though as Undertaker blocks two attempts. They head back inside with Undertaker clotheslining both guys out to the floor, only to head back inside where the champion powerslams him down. A middle rope clothesline puts Undertaker down and Goldust goes for a cover out of instinct.

Goldust tries Old School of his own, only to be slammed down with ease. There’s the real Tombstone but Undertaker opens the casket and finds the recently debuted monster Mankind waiting on him. Mankind puts Undertaker in his Mandible Claw submission hold before putting Undertaker inside the casket and closing the lid for the win.

Rating: D. This feud was just a holding pattern for Undertaker until the real feud with Mankind could get going. No one bought Undertaker as a guy who would be in the Intercontinental Title picture for more than a few weeks and that’s exactly what happened. Nothing to see here and not a good way to end the show.

Post match Mankind locks Undertaker inside the casket but as Mankind leaves, smoke starts coming out of the casket. Paul Bearer opens the casket and there’s no one inside. The lights go out again to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a really solid show with three awesome matches to open things up followed by two that weren’t so good. If you stop the show after the strap match though, you have an awesome PPV with storyline development and awesome action. Really good stuff here….for the first hour or so.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 20, 1996
Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000

Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This is going to be the last show of an era as the Curtain Call happened over the weekend but this was taped WAY in advance so the political issues haven’t come up yet. The big story, for whatever reason, continues to be Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog over allegations that Shawn went after Bulldog’s wife. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

During the entrances, we’re told about the Godwinns winning the Tag Team Titles over the weekend. How odd is it for that to be a line just thrown in like that? They trade some arm cranking to start with Mero getting the better of it and shrugging off some right hands to the jaw.

An elbow works a bit better and Austin hits a release Snake Eyes to really take over. Austin sends him outside and we take a break as this is really dull stuff so far. It really is amazing how much more exciting Austin would get because this is dreadful at the moment. Back with Austin getting two off the middle rope elbow and grabbing a chinlock.

Mero fights up but gets caught in a jawbreaker, which is totally different from a Stunner (yes, TOTALLY). It’s back to the chinlock for a bit before Mero makes his real comeback with the usual, including right hands in the corner. Austin shoves him out of the corner and goes up, only to have Savio Vega run in to go after Austin for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Sweet goodness what a boring match. Austin was desperate for a change here and thankfully he would get rid of Ted DiBiase very soon after this. The Vega feud was his first good stuff but it would take a lot longer for Mero to really get anywhere. The match was really just long and that doesn’t make it interesting.

Mero and Vega stare at each other.

Video on Ahmed Johnson on the Kuwait tour where he won a tournament.

Video on Ultimate Warrior’s comic book debuting, meaning we get to hear Vince say “destrucity”.

Savio Vega vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Ted DiBiase sits in on commentary and can’t wait to see Savio turned into his chauffeur when Austin beats him on Sunday. Vega hammers away to start as the announcers ignore what’s in the ring to recap Austin vs. Vega on Sunday. A hiptoss puts Kid down and a running spinwheel kick in the corner puts Kid on the floor.

We hit the chinlock back inside until DiBiase offers a distraction with the hat. Apparently that’s enough for Kid to come back, including a clothesline and top rope splash for two. Kid gets two off a spinning kick of his own and they slowly slug it out as this just won’t end. Savio’s belly to back gets two but he gets kicked down yet again. A top rope splash misses though and Savio grabs a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Just horrible here again as this is the last show of a taping and that makes for some of the worst wrestling you can see on a weekly basis. There’s no energy here and I’m not even sure how to criticize it. The match was terribly dull but somehow it might have been better than the first one.

Post match Austin comes in and lays out Vega before tying him up so DiBiase can put the chauffeur’s hat on. I can always go for some goof humiliation involving forced clothing.

We recap the Tag Team Title change and the worthless Phineas Loves Sunny story. If nothing else it’s a way to look at Sunny in the white top and skirt. Sunny did however get Phineas to sign a contract to make her the manager, which set up a match against the Smoking Gunns on this Sunday’s pre-show.

Undertaker comes out of a casket for a chat, saying Goldust will be in the casket on Sunday. Cue Mankind to lock Undertaker in the casket as Goldust goes after Paul Bearer. The casket is turned over and beaten with a pole.

British Bulldog vs. Jake Roberts

Before we’re ready to go, Jim Cornette busts out a restraining order against Shawn Michaels on behalf of Diana Smith. This brings out Gorilla Monsoon (King: “You know what they mean: Gorilla Monsoon happens.”) to eject Diana, making the whole thing a waste of time. That means Shawn can come out and watch because Michaels vs. Bulldog needs all the help it can get.

We take an early break and come back with Jake working on the arm as Shawn denies all the allegations against him. Bulldog slowly stomps away as the announcers try to sell this stupid story. It’s off to a leglock because this match needs to be even slower than it’s been so far. The slow leg stomping continues and BACK TO THE LEGLOCK. Jake fights up and tries a DDT but Bulldog reverses into a half crab.

Lawler talks about Shawn being in Playgirl Magazine as we hit the leglock for the third straight time. King: “Did you show as much as you did to Diana?” It’s off to the half crab AGAIN and here’s Diana. We actually take a freaking break and come back with Diana yelling at Shawn. Water is thrown (hitting Shawn in the shoulder) so Michaels punches Cornette and gets jumped from behind and we’re off with no finish. The post break stuff was about thirty seconds long.

Rating: F. Holy cheese steaks served on a book of New York Times crossword puzzles this was a horrible match. This went on and on with that stupid leglock and somehow I’m supposed to want to pay to see Bulldog on Sunday? Terrible stuff here and Jake looked like he has no desire to be out there whatsoever.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This would have been better if a massive electrical storm went through the city and knocked out all the power, forcing them to wrestle in the dark. The worst part about this is that there are a lot of talented people on this show. Every one of the six people who actually wrestled are incredibly talented and should be able to put on a great match. The three who appeared but didn’t wrestle were Undertaker, Mankind and Shawn Michaels. That is inexcusable and this show was nothing short of a disaster. No exaggeration: this might actually be the worst episode of Raw I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 1996
Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Maybe this one can pick things up a bit. Last week’s show was about as uninteresting as you can get as we head towards In Your House VIII and the showdown of Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog. The story behind the match is Shawn allegedly sleeping with Bulldog’s wife, which is hardly something that’s going to make me want to pay for a show. Let’s get to it.

Zip vs. Ahmed Johnson

Before the match, Sunny rubs oil on Ahmed’s chest until he calls her trash. Ahmed flips him over to start and scores with some clotheslines but has to stop and yell at Sunny. The BodyDonnas switch places despite THE FACT THAT THEY DON’T LOOK THAT MUCH ALIKE! An electric chair plants Skip and the second switch is caught, allowing Ahmed to finish Skip with the Pearl River Plunge. So Ahmed just basically squashed the Tag Team Champions without blinking an eye.

The Ultimate Warrior, without face paint and talking in a normal voice, shills Warrior University. No, this isn’t an angle and no, no one ever graduated from the school.

Duke Droese vs. Vader

Jim Cornette is on commentary as Vader swats at Duke’s head. Duke actually comes back with a big boot and a crossbody to put both guys on the floor. Back from a break with Vader running him over to restore balance to the universe. A splash sets up a chinlock of all things as this is going WAY longer than it should. Vader gets caught in a jawbreaker for the escape, followed by some clotheslines and a dropkick to put Vader down. A top rope splash misses though and it’s the Vader Bomb to give, well, Vader of course, the pin.

Rating: D. Who in the world thought Vader needed to give up that much offense? Just like last week’s tag match, it’s very clear that this company’s talent pool is just gone right now. Other than the top of the card, the whole company feels like whoever they can throw out there for the sake of filling in the card.

Here are Paul Bearer and Undertaker with the gold casket. See what I mean? The best they can do is Goldust vs. Undertaker. How thrilling is that really supposed to be? Bearer talks about Goldust loving the spotlight so one will shine on the casket after In Your House. Cue Goldust and Marlena to interrupt so Undertaker removes his hat. Goldust hits on Undertaker (“What is that scent? Embalming fluid #5?”) and quotes movie lines to suggest he’d enjoy being in a casket with Undertaker.

Mankind comes in and Claws Undertaker, allowing Goldust to grind on Undertaker’s body and then lick his face. That means choking from the Dead Man as this is just WAY over the top and horrible, meaning Goldust was almost forced to change. He’s not bizarre anymore but rather molesting people against their will.

Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Aldo Montoya

Of note during the opening: Vince plugs a house show in Madison Square Garden, which would wind up being the Curtain Call. Aldo tries his jobber offense to start as Bradshaw’s manager Uncle Zebekiah (Zeb Colter) gets on commentary to ask why Bradshaw isn’t getting a shot at Shawn Michaels. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb plants Aldo and it’s off to the bearhug. Aldo makes his quick comeback with a missile dropkick but the Clothesline puts Montoya away without too much effort.

Rating: D. Bradshaw of course had talent (why he’s not in the Hall of Fame isn’t clear) but the evil cowboy thing would have been old five years prior to this. There’s nothing wrong with getting your foot in the door though and the potential was there, which is more important than anything else.

We get a serious video from Vince, basically saying that the tour of Kuwait was this big show of freedom. During the trip, British Bulldog attacked Shawn Michaels on a beach and tried to drown him. Ok then.

Shawn Michaels vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Non-title and I believe for the first time ever. If nothing else the first time on TV. An early armdrag lets HHH pose a bit and Shawn is already somewhat frustrated. We take a break and come back with Shawn tripping him down and walking over HHH’s back to get some of the heat back. HHH is down on the floor so Shawn takes a quick jog over to the announcers’ table to stare at Lawler and HHH’s latest valet.

A headlock brings HHH back in over the top (think Orton’s DDT) so the referee demands a clean break. Ever the good guy, Shawn lets HHH drop face first onto the mat in a funny bit. HHH ducks a charge and sends Shawn onto the top, setting up a punt out to the floor. Cue Mr. Perfect to watch as we take a second break.

Back again with HHH in control and hammering away in the corner with a fire he’s never shown to this point. We hit the chinlock as Lawler accidentally refers to Mr. Perfect as Hennig. A clothesline cuts off Shawn’s comeback bid and HHH unloads on him in the corner. We take a ridiculous third break and come back with Shawn in a pretty lazy looking chinlock.

The champ fights up with some right hands in the corner, followed by a catapult into the corner for a big crash. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets two so HHH actually tries a powerbomb, which is countered into a hurricanrana into a sunset flip for two on Michaels in a hot sequence. The Pedigree is countered and the superkick finishes clean.

Rating: B. Well of course these two are awesome together. Unfortunately this would be it for HHH’s time near the top of the card for a LONG time due to the Curtain Call this coming weekend. Shawn might not have been the biggest ratings draw in the world but sweet goodness he could wrestle a heck of a match.

British Bulldog isn’t worried about Shawn being on commentary for his match next week.

Overall Rating: C. The main event pretty easily bails this one out as Shawn did so often around this time. What brings it right back down again is the idea of watching British Bulldog vs. Shawn for the title on pay per view as it just sucks the energy and excitement out of me. The rest of the show was your usual 1996 mess but that main event was solid.

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