Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
America The Beautiful: Michelle Williams

It’s time to go back to an arena, which is quite the change of pace after doing these things in stadiums for so long. Things are in a bit of a weird place for the company as John Cena is still establishing himself as the guy and is defending against HHH. The other story is Eddie Guerrero coming back to life, putting on a mask and trying to win the Smackdown World Title under the name of Rey Mysterio. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Eugene, Viscera, Snitsky, Goldust, Lance Cade, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Trevor Murdoch, Matt Striker, Super Crazy, Funaki, Steven Richards, Simon Dean, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Psicosis, Animal, William Regal

Here’s the “get everyone on the show match” and they’re in Raw/Smackdown shirts because it’s an interpromotional battle royal, despite it being every man for themselves. Dean tries to run his mouth before the match and is immediately tossed out. Conway shows disloyalty by taking off his Raw shirt and is quickly tossed out. Funaki is out as the ring is starting to clear out a bit. Cade gets eliminated and Richards follows him out, with Crazy, Goldust and Regal all being tossed as well.

MNM gives Eugene a Snapshot and gets rid of him before the remaining stars draw a big line and go show vs. show. Psicosis and Murdoch are both out and we’re down to six. Viscera crushes Morrison and Nitro in the corner while Tomko and Snitsky beat up Animal in another corner.

The big splash misses for Viscera but he’s fine enough to hit a DDT on Mercury. We get a double Visagra (Tazz: “Not the Brokeback spot!” Cole: “Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!”) and Nitro and Mercury are both out. Snitsky gets rid of Tomko and we’re down to three. Viscera dumps Animal (that’s a choice) and then fires Snitsky out for the win at 9:04.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure why you wouldn’t have Animal win this as it means nothing and could have given the fans a nice moment to start the show off. Viscera winning is fine, but that’s the whole point of the whole match: anyone would have been fine, but Animal winning would have made the fans happy. There’s nothing wrong with having a bunch of midcarders thrown into a match like this, but the result felt like they missed the layup.

Post match Viscera gyrates at Lilian Garcia and kisses her (they used to be a thing), leaving her looking rather annoyed.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child sings America The Beautiful.

The opening video, set to Shinedown’s I Dare You, looks at various Wrestlemania moments over the years. This includes looking at various stars from back in the day and what they are doing now for a nice touch. Then we get into the traditional looks at the bigger matches on the card.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

Show and Kane are defending, with Kane’s entrance seeing the buildings in the set lighting on fire for a really cool touch. Masters knocks Kane down to start but walks into a dropkick for his efforts. Show comes in for the overly loud chops but Masters rakes his eyes, allowing the tag off to a reluctant Carlito. The fans are pleased to see Carlito, who is crotched on the top rope in quite the landing. With Masters knocked to the floor, Show throws Carlito onto him for the big crash.

Not to be outdone, Kane hits the top rope clothesline onto both of them. Back in and Carlito dropkicks Show’s knee out, sending Show into an exposed buckle. A flapjack gets two on Show but he suplexes both of them and brings Kane back in to clean house. The top rope clothesline is countered into the Masterlock but Show breaks it up rather quickly. Carlito’s Backstabber hits Kane but Masters accidentally knocks Carlito silly. Kane kicks Masters in the face and chokeslams Carlito to retain at 6:42.

Rating: C. I’m not sure why this needed to be on the Wrestlemania card as it was a decent Raw match at best. Kane and Big Show were absolute monsters and it was hard to fathom that they would be in any real danger of losing the titles. Carlito and Masters weren’t exactly top level challengers either, but they would be featured in the midcard for a good while. Kane and Show would lose the titles to the Spirit Squad the next night on Raw.

Post match Carlito and Masters get in an argument and Carlito leaves on his own. Both teams would face off in singles match the next month at Backlash.

Shawn Michaels is ready to end Vince McMahon. He has a history of stealing the show at Wrestlemania but don’t expect a five star match from him tonight. Instead, expect violence and a different kind of Michaels. McMahon better be praying to the God above because Shawn is taking him to h***.

Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Ric Flair

Money In The Bank. Naturally it’s a big brawl to start with Hardy grabbing the first ladder. As usual, said ladder is kicked into him, in this case by Van Dam, who hits a slingshot dive onto the ladder onto Hardy as well. Not to be outdone, Benjamin hits a big step up flip dive off the ladder onto a pile at ringside. Flair goes up the ladder but Hardy suplexes him down for the big crash and all that screaming.

That’s enough for the referee to throw up an X and Flair is helped to the back. With five left for the moment, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Benjamin onto the ladder, leaving both of them down. Lashley goes up but gets cut down as the fans are behind Van Dam. Finlay throws a ladder at Hardy to cut him off and loads up said ladder, only to have Flair come back and take him down.

Flair goes up but gets shillelaghed back down, leaving Lashley to Dominator Benjamin. Lashley tries the climb but gets dropkicked down by Van Dam, who drives a chair into his back for the save. Instead of climbing, Hardy drops a leg off the ladder onto Lashley before Side Effecting Finlay off the ladder.

Since Finlay is already having a bad day, Van Dam climbs the ladder for a splash onto Finlay for the big crash. Van Dam goes up but Benjamin springboards onto the ladder (geez) for a slugout. Hardy climbs another ladder so Benjamin steps over to join them, only for Van Dam to kick said ladder over. That’s enough for Van Dam to get the briefcase at 12:15.

Rating: B-. I wasn’t feeling this one nearly as much as some of the ladder matches, as this was pretty quick without much in the way of memorable stuff. Flair was pulled out and was then back in about two minutes, meaning there was only so much drama. No one really stood out here, save for Benjamin’s springboard onto the ladder. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t stand out or pull me in, as they hadn’t really started going nuts with this thing yet.

New Hall Of Famer Gene Okerlund is glad to keep celebrating but Randy Orton comes in to say he’s winning the Smackdown World Title tonight. The injured Batista comes in to say he’s waiting on the winner. He’ll be World Champion by Wrestlemania XXIII. True actually.

We get the Hall Of Fame Class Of 2006 (minus Bret Hart, who was uncomfortable being here):

Gene Okerlund (not much of a reaction actually)
Sensational Sherri (VERY happy to be here)
Tony Atlas (thankfully minus foot jokes)
Verne Gagne (I’d think he’s worthy)
William Refrigerator Perry (dude, get a suit)
The Blackjacks (with some snappy hats)
Eddie Guerrero (there’s your big pop)

A bunch of the other inductees come over to hug Vickie Guerrero in a nice moment.

United States Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

JBL, with Jillian Hall, is challenging and the stage rises up so his limo can come in. Benoit slugs away to start so JBL cuts him off with a headlock. The Crossface attempt doesn’t work, even with Benoit firing off a bunch of headbutts. Back up and some chops drop JBL again but the Sharpshooter doesn’t work either. Instead JBL rolls outside and hides behind Hall, which is enough for JBL to take over back inside.

Benoit avoids a charge in the corner though and the rolling German suplexes have JBL down again. The Swan Dive is broken up and JBL mocks the Eddie Guerrero dance, as you might have expected. A superplex brings Benoit back down for the big crash and a rather delayed cover gets two. JBL gets in Two Amigos before booting Benoit in the face, setting up the chinlock. Benoit suplexes his way to freedom and hits his own Three Amigos. Now the Swan Dive can connect and the Crossface goes on, only for JBL to stack him up and grab the ropes for the pin and the title at 9:46.

Rating: B-. They were going with the idea of the power vs. the technical stuff here, though JBL was trying to get technical as well to surprise Benoit. That worked out well enough, though it was far from some instant classic. JBL needed a win like this after losing for so many months after dropping the title to Cena last year.

We recap Edge vs. Mick Foley. Edge was annoyed over losing the WWE Title so quickly and got a rematch, only for Foley, as the guest referee, to cost him the title. The beating and challenge were on, with Edge taunting Foley for not having the defining Wrestlemania moment (because headlining the show just doesn’t count). Foley was up for a hardcore match and Edge accepted, albeit with a Conchairto, in an attempt to draw out the old Foley, which is never a good idea.

Joey Styles joins commentary in JR’s face because he knows hardcore. Eh fair enough.

Mick Foley vs. Edge

Lita is here with Edge and anything goes, with falls counting anywhere. Foley comes to the ring with his (gray for some reason) flannel shirt buttoned up, which just seems rather ominous. Edge wastes no time in swinging a baseball bat at but Foley knocks it away and hits a faceplant. The Tree Of Woe elbow hits Edge but he’s right back up with a boot to the face. Lita starts throwing in the weapons, with a cookie sheet to the head rocking Foley again.

The spear hits Foley….but Edge is hurt. Foley gets up and opens his shirt to reveal barbed wire wrapped around his stomach (and the signature red flannel shirt), which makes the first few minutes all the more insane. Edge’s arm is cut open as Foley cuts the wire off and whips Edge’s back. Edge gets tied in the ropes and nothing good can come from this. Foley busts out the barbed wire baseball bat but Lita makes the save by jumping on his back.

That’s fine with Foley, who hits a Cactus Clothesline to take all of them to the floor. The running knee is countered with a toss into the steps though, followed by a more standard whip into said steps. It’s table time (of course), with Lawler saying you never know what’s underneath a WWE ring. Eh you kind of do, as it’s the same in almost every match. One heck of a head slam onto the ramp gives Edge two and they go back inside, where Edge covers Foley with lighter fluid (oh dear). Lawler: “What is Edge going to do here? Like Mick Foley on fire?” Styles: “YOU THINK???”

Foley gets in a quick piledriver to avoid the whole burning alive thing but Lita cuts off the Conchairto. Edge gets in a shot of his own but the near fall just makes him madder. Some barbed wire bat shots have Foley down, including one to the face to bust him open (you knew that was coming). A bulldog onto the bat gets two so now it’s time for thumbtacks. Naturally Edge gets dropped onto said tacks and it’s time for Mr. Socko, complete with some bonus barbed wire.

Lita gets the Mandible Claw as well and her mouth is busted for a great visual. The barbed wire bat hits Edge (who still has tacks in his back). A bat to the face busts Edge open and Lawler thinks it can’t get much worse. Then Foley gets the lighter fluid and Lawler is proven wrong. The table at ringside is covered in the fluid but Lita gets in a bat shot to Foley. The table is lit on fire and Edge spears Foley through the ropes and through the table for the pin at 14:38.

Rating: A. This is pretty much the only thing that is remembered from this show and that shouldn’t be a huge surprise. This was two people absolutely destroying each other, with Foley turning back the clock for another instant classic to boost someone else up the ranks. It was in the same vein as the 2000 Royal Rumble and Backlash 2004, which is some of the best work of Foley’s career. Excellent stuff here as it felt like a war, with Edge being taken to another level.

Edge and Lita leave, with Edge looking like he’s in shock. Foley gets a standing ovation on the way out, which is well deserved. Of note: Foley’s wife called him after the match…to check on Edge. Of course.

Sharmell begs Booker T. to not make her face the Boogeyman and asks why freaks follow Booker around. They then run into Paul Burchill, Ted DiBiase, Eugene, Snitsky, Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young (getting her feet kissed) and Goldust, naturally dressed as Oprah. Goldust says Booker needs to accept his inner freak to beat the Boogeyman and suggests where Booker put the worms. Booker panics and leaves.

Some fans won a sweepstakes from Snickers for good seats.

Celebrities are here.

Booker T./Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Booker has the terrified Sharmell start in a funny bit. Thankfully Booker does jump Boogeyman from behind and hammers away in the corner. A kick to the face gives Booker two as the red smoke is making the arena look horrible. The Bookend gets two but Booker misses the ax kick and gets forearmed down (they didn’t seem to be on the same page there). The worms come out and Boogeyman has a snack so Sharmell comes in with Boogeyman’s staff. That earns her a wormy kiss so Sharmell runs off screaming, leaving Boogeyman to chokebomb Booker for the pin at 3:56.

Rating: D-. What do you want me to say here? This was a bad comedy match and nothing more than a way to give the fans a breather after the crazy hardcore match. Booker was injured coming in, but if this is the best they can do, just scrap the match.  Boogeyman is the kind of character who is there for little more than goofiness and having him beat Booker is a step too far. Nothing to this one, save for ruining the mat.

Post match, more worms are consumed.

We recap Mickie James challenging Trish Stratus for the Women’s Title. James debuted and was completely obsessed with Stratus, even kissing her under the mistletoe at Christmas. Stratus said it was too much and asked for time apart, which made James even more nuts, to the point where she kicked Stratus in the head and asked if Stratus loved her now. Then she kidnapped Stratus’ boyfriend and laid Stratus out at the same time. This was a heck of a story as the women’s division was dying for some fresh blood and James was all that and more.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

James is challenging and Lawler thinks she’s nuts. JR: “You’d date her. But wait she might be too old for you. She’s in her early 20s.” Lawler: “Can she cook?” They waste no time in trading the forearms before Stratus Thesz presses her down and hammers away. The big chops in the corner have James down and Stratus drops her down into the splits. They head outside and the Chick Kick only hits the post to give James a needed opening.

The bad leg is wrapped around the post and James is rather pleased. A dropkick to the leg keeps Stratus down as the fans are behind James, which has commentary confused. The half crab stays on the leg but James pulls the hair, which is enough to make her break it up (you don’t see that one too often). Stratus slugs away (the fans don’t approve) and hits a spinebuster as JR tries to explain that Stratus hasn’t done anything to deserve the booing.

James gets a boot up in the corner but has to block the Stratusphere, allowing her to send Stratus crashing down. A half crab is countered into a small package to give Stratus two and a powerbomb out of the corner gets the same. The Matrish only kind of works due to the leg so Stratus loads up Stratusfaction, which is broken up with a hand between the legs (James licking her hand is edited out). James kicks her in the head (the botched Stratusfaction to Stratus is edited out as well) and wins the title at 8:49. JR: “The nutjob has won the title!”

Rating: B. The bad botch and probably going too far lick of the hand being cut out didn’t hurt things, as this was still miles ahead of just about anything you would see in the women’s division. It wasn’t so much that the match was great, but rather that it was a match that came with a story rather than just random title defenses. James was such a breath of fresh air for the division and it’s no surprise that she was a star for so long.

The McMahons are way too pleased with Vince McMahon’s arms. Vince laughs at the idea of Shawn Michaels telling him to pray, but says it’s time for their first family prayer. Vince makes it clear that he and God don’t like each other because Vince has defied every law God has ever had. He’s been successful anyway and brags about his physique (Stephanie gives him a look) before promising to send Michaels down to the fiery depths.

We recap Mark Henry vs. Undertaker. Henry cost Undertaker the World Title and injured him, meaning it’s time for revenge.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

It’s a casket match and Henry is Undertaker’s latest monster foe who isn’t afraid of the dark. Cole goes over the Undertaker’s Wrestlemania victims and it’s kind of amazing to think of how many more big names he would take out over the years. Henry jumps him at the end of the entrance (to be fair, Undertaker was taking his sweet time) but Undertaker gets a boot up in the corner.

Some running clotheslines don’t put Henry down but he drops Undertaker with a single shot. They go outside, where Undertaker sends him into the steps for a breather. Henry rams him in even harder though and they head back inside, where Old School is broken up. The casket is opened up but Undertaker isn’t about to go in (good advice). Back up and Undertaker kicks away at the arm, setting up Old School.

A Downward Spiral is blocked though and they fight down into the casket. Henry hammers him down but Undertaker grabs him by the throat to get up. Back in and the World’s Strongest Slam connects but the powers of I’m Facing The Undertaker stupidity take over, with Henry going up to hammer away. The Last Ride brings Henry back down and Undertaker throws him outside for the big dive. Back in and the Tombstone connects, which is enough to finish Henry off at 9:27.

Rating: C. It was an ok fight but Henry might as well have been dubbed “The Designated Victim” here as it never felt like Undertaker was in any danger. They had to do something with Undertaker but there was no drama here as Undertaker beating Henry was never in doubt. It’s not a terrible or even bad match, but this was definitely on the lower end of the Streak matches.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon. Late last year, McMahon decided it was all about him (for a change of pace) and fired a bunch of people. Then he brought up the Montreal Screwjob, which made Michaels tell McMahon to grow up already. Therefore, it was time to destroy Michaels for good, setting up a showdown.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

No holds barred. Michaels starts fast and jumps McMahon on the floor. McMahon is sent over the announcers’ table and onto JR, allowing Michaels to choke away. Michaels busts a framed photo of McMahon’s Muscle & Fitness magazine cover over McMahon’s head (you knew that was coming) so here is the Spirit Squad (you knew they were coming) to jump Michaels for a breather.

The big beatdown is on but Michaels fights back with their megaphone to clear them out without much trouble. That’s enough of a distraction for McMahon to hit a clothesline though and we slow back down. McMahon hits some shoulders to the ribs in the corner, followed by some whips with a belt. Delusions of grandeur make McMahon try his own superkick, which is easily blocked. Now Michaels gets to whip away with the belt and drops the top rope elbow.

Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but here is Shane McMahon to hit Michaels with a kendo stick as this keeps going. The beating lets Vince take down his pants but Michaels fights back and shoves Shane’s face in, with Vince of course thinking it’s great. Shane is knocked to the floor and handcuffed to the ropes in a smart move. The key is thrown into the crowd and Michaels beats on Shane with the kendo stick.

Back in and Michaels caves Vince’s head in with a chair (there’s some blood) but Michaels won’t throw the superkick. Instead it’s time for a ladder, which bounces off of Vince’s head to draw even more blood. Michaels still won’t throw the superkick though as Vince collapses. Instead Michaels grabs a table and some trashcans. After putting the trashcan on Vince and Vince on the table, Michaels climbs the big ladder and drops a big elbow. Michaels picks him up, says watch this, and finally (and I do mean FINALLY) hits the superkick for the win at 18:24.

Rating: D+. This was WAY too long, with the match being pretty much over about halfway through the thing. So much of the match was spent with Vince mostly destroyed and Michaels just finding more weapons. They could have done this in far less time as it felt more like someone blowing off steam in a video game for most of the match.

Vince flips Michaels off because that is his nature.

We recap Kurt Angle defending the Smackdown World Title against Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton. Mysterio won the Royal Rumble in Eddie Guerrero’s memory, last eliminating Orton. That didn’t sit well with Orton, who talked Mysterio into putting up his title shot, only for Mysterio to lose. Mysterio was kept in the match anyway, as this is all about Eddie’s memory. Oh yeah and Angle is there too. That’s how third wheel he felt here, and there wasn’t much that could be done to change it as this is all about Eddie/Rey. This gets Shinedown’s I Dare You, which helps a lot.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending and Mysterio gets played to the ring live by POD. Orton decks Angle with the belt before the bell before dropkicking Mysterio out of the air for two. Back in and Angle snaps off the German suplexes on Orton before suplexing both of them at once (with Mysterio FLYING).

Orton is back up with his backbreaker to Angle, who shrugs it off and hits a belly to belly. A pop up super hurricanrana brings Orton down for two and Mysterio kicks Angle in the head for the same. Mysterio sends Angle into the ropes but the 619 is cut off. The ankle lock goes on but Orton cuts off the referee, who doesn’t see Mysterio tap. With that broken up, Angle snaps off more suplexes and ankle locks Orton for a change. This time Mysterio grabs the referee so Orton’s tap is missed too. Well they’re certainly making Angle look strong, which makes sense as he’s in Wrestling Machine mode here.

Back up and Mysterio is sent into the post but Orton grabs the RKO on Angle for a delayed two. Orton goes up and is promptly belly to belly superplexed right back down in one of Angle’s better signature spots. Mysterio can’t quite hit a 619 around the post but settles for a kick to the head (eh fair enough) for two on Angle. Orton drops Mysterio again but gets Angle Slammed for two. Mysterio counters the Angle Slam with an armdrag and hits the 619 to Orton. The West Coast Pop pins Orton to make Mysterio champion at 9:18.

Rating: B-. It was mostly action packed, but I could have gone with a good bit more time to pack that action into here. Mysterio winning the title was a feel good moment, despite not being the biggest surprise, as the fans would have lost if it Eddie didn’t get his big tribute. It’s a good match, but dang they felt rushed out there and that’s not good to see. And then Mysterio would go on to have an all time disaster of a title reign, mainly because he was put in there against giant who kept crushing him, because reasons.

Post match Chavo and Vickie Guerrero come out to celebrate with Mysterio in a nice moment.

We look at John Cena and HHH in the locker room for a long time. Cena looks at the title while HHH gets a massage. JR gives a rather detailed explanation about how Cena is a rebel and this is a traditionalist town so HHH will likely get cheered no matter what.

Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

Playboy Pillow Fight, which is an excuse for the two of them to be in limited clothing. There is a bed and a bunch of pillows with the Playboy logo everywhere because that’s the whole point. Wilson brings her dog (he’s wearing a top hat) and they starts the brawl as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled. A suplex drops Michelle and a backdrop puts her onto the bed.

The dog is brought in as they fight out to the floor, only to come back in so Michelle can lose her gown. Michelle kicks her away and does the Go Daddy dance before dropping a middle rope elbow onto Wilson (on the bed). With nothing else working, Michelle grabs a pair of scissors to cut off Wilson’s dress. An issue of Playboy is rubbed into Wilson’s face, which inspires her to grab a rollup for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: F. Yeah what else were you expecting? This was about the women being out there and showing off how they looked. It wasn’t good and it went FAR longer than it needed to, with the fans letting them know what they thought. I get the appeal, but I’m also rather glad that we’ve moved WAY beyond this kind of stuff.

We look at the Wrestlemania press conference, which is pretty much the hype video for Cena vs. HHH. Cena is the rebel champion and HHH is the old school guy who wants the title back. This is the big dream match for Raw but it only feels so important.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH

HHH is challenging and does the Conan the Barbarian entrance, rising up from the stage on his throne with the ridiculously big sledgehammer. Cena’s entrance on the other hand features a newsreel about the Great Depression and a bunch of machine gun toting goons hanging on an old gangster car, one of whom is infamously better known as CM Punk. Cena has his own gun and gets to fire, which at least drowns out some of the rather loud booing.

We get going, with JR immediately explaining that Cena is going to be booed no matter what. HHH wins an early wrestle off and grabs a hammerlock before kicking Cena away. An early FU attempt (the fans are NOT happy) is broken up and HHH punches him in the face, earning a standing ovation. Cena is sent outside but comes back in to hammer away in the corner for his first real offense. Some whips into the corner set up the release fisherman’s suplex and Cena grabs the chinlock. They go to the floor, where Cena backdrops him onto the ramp for a loud crash.

Back up and HHH sends Cena into the steps to take right back over. Cena fights back but a facebuster and hard clothesline get some of the loudest reactions HHH has ever received. Some neckbreakers give HHH some twos and the chinlock goes on to keep Cena down. Cena eventually fights up and hits that hard clothesline that he uses when he needs a big spot. The clothesline comeback sets up a powerslam and Cena initiates the finishing sequence.

That’s countered into a spinebuster to give HHH two but the sleeper is quickly broken up. The STFU goes on but HHH dives over to the ropes for the break. The FU is broken up as well and HHH hits Cena, and the referee, low in the corner. HHH brings in the sledgehammer and knocks Cena lukewarm for a pretty delayed two (the fans are ticked off again). Cena backdrops out of the Pedigree and gets two off the FU, leaving Cena stunned. Cena’s high crossbody misses but he pulls HHH into the STFU for two arm drops. HHH hangs on….and then taps out completely clean to retain the title at 22:02.

Rating: B. It took some time to get going but what matters the most is that Cena got a clean win over the other big name in the middle of the ring in the main event of Wrestlemania. That’s what HHH needed to do here and Cena gets one of the biggest boosts of his career. It also happens to be a very rather good title match and pretty worthy of the main event of Wrestlemania.

The big highlight package wraps up the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Yeah it’s fine. That’s always been the reaction to this show and that’s still the case here. There are definitely good parts, with the main event, most of the Women’s Title match and Edge vs. Foley being worth a look, but the problem is, outside of Edge vs. Foley, nothing is really memorable. It came and went with very little changing, as even Mysterio winning the title felt rushed. The show is absolutely not bad, but it’s forgettable, and that’s not what Wrestlemania is supposed to be.

Ratings Comparison

Pre-Show Battle Royal
Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2020 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C-

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: D+
2020 Redo: C-
2025 Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2020 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B-

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: D+
2020 Redo: C+
2025 Redo: B-

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2020 Redo: A
2025 Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F
2013 Redo: F
2015 Redo: F
2020 Redo: F
2025 Redo: D-

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: B-
2020 Redo: B-
2025 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D-
2020 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: D
2020 Redo: C+
2025 Redo: D+

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+
2013 Redo: C-
2015 Redo: C+
2020 Redo: C+
2025 Redo: B-

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F
2013 Redo: F
2015 Redo: F
2020 Redo: D-
2025 Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: C
2020 Redo: A-
2025 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: C-
2020 Redo: B-
2025 Redo: B-

As usual, it’s the same issues, with so much of this show just being forgettable.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the big one as things have to change at some point in WWE. I’m curious to see how this show goes as I haven’t seen the television leading up to it since the show aired so maybe the show will feel a little bit different. The theme is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, which has included some outstanding movie parody trailers. Oh and Batista and John Cena look more than ready to become the top stars in the company. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

This is your “get them all on the show” match, which was likely just the DVD extra. They’re all in their show colored shirts with Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long at ringside. Before the bell, Hurricane gives Heidenreich his own mask so Heidenreich punches him in the face. Must be a villain. The fighting starts with Spike being sent to the steps as Hurricane makes the mistake of hammering away in the corner, making him the first elimination.

Reigns is out next as the ring is still very full. A bunch of the cruiserweights hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm. That high level of missing the point could explain why they don’t get on television very often. Masters doesn’t like that line of thinking and dumps Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a hurry. Haas is tossed as well as the ring is clearing out a bit.

Masters dumps Nunzio, though it might not have been over the top. With nothing else to do, Heidenreich destroys a turnbuckle and tears off his mask before clotheslining the heck out of Venis for an elimination. Dean and Grenier are out as well, followed by Rosey, all at Heidenreich’s hands. Rhyno is out next and it’s Dupree following him in a hurry. Both Bashams go out as the fans are behind Regal.

With about twelve people left, we get the always natural looking Raw vs. Smackdown showdown with Akio and Holly being tossed, followed by Regal to even things up a bit. Tajiri mists Heidenreich so the blind monster gets rid of London. Heidenreich and Tajiri fight on the apron until Snitsky gets rid of them, leaving us with Jindrak, Booker, Masters, Snitsky and Viscera.

Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky and hits the big left on Viscera….which staggers Jindrak so much that Masters can get rid of him. Nunzio does the “I’M STILL IN” deal, only to be tossed seconds later. Viscera crushes Booker in the corner but he’s fine enough to low bridge the monster to the floor. The full nelson is broken up and a superkick gives Booker the win.

Rating: D+. It’s kind of hard to get too annoyed at a match like this as the whole point is getting people on the show and therefore onto the DVD, which is a nice bonus for the talent. I know this isn’t the most important match but it came and went fast enough and wasn’t terrible. Assuming you can ignore the RAH RAH RAH Raw vs. Smackdown aspect, it’s nothing too bad.

Lilian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. She’ll have a job in WWE as long as she wants one for how good she can make that sound.

The Titantron is revealed with the red curtain coming up. They’re nailing the theme this year.

We get a montage of the trailers, leading to the big reveal of the final trailer: Gladiator, featuring Steve Austin as Maximus. It’s a cool idea and suitable casting but there were better trailers.

It’s strange to see Wrestlemania in an arena. That’s one of those things you’ll probably never see again.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Not a bad way to start and the red carpet in the aisle makes it even better. They’re the Smackdown Tag Team Champions but Eddie isn’t sure if he can beat Rey. There’s no superhero outfit this year as Rey has Mexican/American flag inspired gear. Rey flips out of an armbar to start and hits a running knee but has to adjust the mask. A second armbar works a bit better for Eddie and but Rey pops up and climbs onto Eddie’s shoulders.

The sunset flip is countered into a catapult to the floor but Rey switches places and teases a dive to take us to an early standoff. Eddie takes him down into a keylock to stay on the arm before sending Rey outside. Since he’s a luchador as well, Eddie busts out his own dive to the floor, with the fans rather pleased with him. Rey adjust his mask again, as he isn’t wearing the regular kind and the clasp is different, causing a lot of issues.

Back in and Eddie stays on the arm (instead of the leg because Eddie is smart, since working on Mysterio’s leg hasn’t worked well for most people) before switching over to a surfboard. That’s broken up so Rey armdrags him to the floor, meaning the big corkscrew flip dive can take Eddie down. A backbreaker gives Eddie two though as Rey can’t keep the momentum going. Rey gets back up and tries the 619 but walks into another backbreaker for two, allowing Rey to fix the mask again.

Three Amigos connect, with Rey holding his mask the whole time. The extra vision lets Rey avoid the frog splash and now the 619 connects. The West Cost Pop is countered into a hard powerbomb for two as they go back to the back. Eddie tries another powerbomb but this time Rey reverses into a hurricanrana for the pin and one final mask adjustment.

Rating: B-. I don’t know how much the mask stuff messed with Rey but it seemed to be causing at least a bit of a problem. He had to mess with that thing probably a dozen times in a twelve minute match and it was becoming really noticeable. The idea here is to continue Eddie’s descent into jealousy over not being able to beat Mysterio and that could be a heck of a story.

JBL and the Cabinet meets Evolution. HHH says Ric Flair is the wrestling god and maybe one day someone will believe that JBL is that good. A staredown over belt importance and a WOO to Orlando Jordan ends a terrifying prospect. Somehow, JBL and HHH only had one singles match ever against each other and it was on a random Raw in 2008. You would think they would have met at least a handful of times.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit

Money in the Bank with Tyson Tomko out with Kane. Kane gets a cool entrance where the ladders on the set are on fire. Almost everyone goes after Kane in the aisle and a variety of double teams take him down. Christian tries to use the melee to bring in a ladder but Jericho slams it into his face. A springboard dropkick sends Edge into Benoit to knock them both off the apron, followed by Jericho’s dive onto Edge.

Shelton hits the big running flip dive onto a bunch of people, with Kane adding the top rope clothesline to take down the same pile plus Benjamin for the wipe out. Back in and Jericho dropkicks a ladder into Kane but Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in a cool shot. Benoit’s climb is cut off so he Crossfaces Kane and then Edge, the latter of which allows Kane to hit Benoit with the ladder.

To make it worse, Kane crushes Benoit’s arm in the ladder over and over. Edge spears Kane down and it’s the big reunion with Christian, who grabs his own ladder to smash Kane at the same time. Now it’s Shelton coming in to send Christian outside and flapjack Edge into the ladder. Shelton and Jericho fight on top of the ladder until two more ladders are brought in (Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”), meaning it’s everyone but Kane on top at the same time.

Benoit, Jericho and Christian are knocked down, leaving Shelton to hit the exploder on Edge off the ladder for the huge crash. Jericho is left to go up but Shelton runs up a second ladder to clothesline Jericho off because he can do something like that. Christian knocks Shelton off the ladder as Kane returns from the short term death that afflicts wrestlers in ladder matches. Tomko comes in and kicks Kane in the face before helping Christian to the top in a bit of a call back to TLC II.

Kane is back up though and shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down to the floor and onto Tomko. Jericho and Kane knock each other off the ladder and everyone is down as we need a breather. With Kane down, Benoit (bleeding from the head) hits the Swan Dive off the ladder. Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane off but the arm is too banged up to get the briefcase. Edge blasts Benoit in the arm with a chair though and that’s enough to pull down the briefcase for the win.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was great with more time for drama and fewer instances of having the people laying around forever because there are too many people in the match at the same time. Edge winning is the best call as no one has been chasing the title like him and now he can steal the title down the line. It’s a heck of a fight though with a bunch of awesome spots and stuff that kept the fans interested without many dead spots. Great stuff and an awesome way to debut the concept.

Here’s the still injured Eugene, whose music doesn’t start until halfway down the aisle. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment every, after the midget army getting together to fight off King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania III (Hillbilly Jim was included as well, and he spent a good hour talking about it during his Hall of Fame speech). Cue Daivari and Muhammad Hassan to complain about not being on the show (that they’re on) and rant about the prejudice in Los Angeles.

Hassan is ready to make his own Wrestlemania moment and jumps Eugene, setting up the camel clutch. Cue Hulk Hogan or the REAL AMERICAN save, including a double noggin knocker. Hassan gets sent outside so Daivari can hit Hogan with a chair. Since that doesn’t work, it’s a big boot and another toss to the floor so the posing can commence. Hogan even gets to do the big pose in front of the huge American flag on the stage. Yeah it’s old hat but I’ll always be a Hulkamaniac so this made me smile.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton won the World Title last fall but lost it in a hurry and has been on a slow downward spiral since. He needs to get back on track so he’s going after Undertaker and the Streak while turning heel in the process. Orton’s dad Bob is helping him a bit, because Orton has slid far enough that he needs that kind of help.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

The druids with the torches are here so you know it’s serious. Undertaker glides to the ring for a pretty cool entrance, which goes much faster than usual for a bonus. Orton comes out second for some reason, albeit with his own cool entrance of pyro raining down behind him as he poses with the still awesome Burn In My Light playing. After some early dodging, the first right hand gets Orton launched into the corner.

The dropkick out of the corner gets two and Orton backdrops him for a bump you don’t see from Undertaker that often. The early RKO attempt is shoved over the top as Undertaker is starting a bit slowly here. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to the floor to take over. Undertaker’s running DDT gets two and Snake Eyes connects. The ensuing big boot is cut off with a running elbow though, sending the fans straight into a LET’S GO UNDERTAKER/RANDY SUCKS chant.

The slugout goes to Undertaker and we hit the dragon sleeper as Undertaker busts out some different stuff for a change. Orton breaks out and grabs a sleeper, which doesn’t please the crowd. The counter before Orton can take him to the ground is more appealing but Orton is back with a powerslam.

For some reason, Orton hammers away in the corner, meaning he has to escape the Last Ride. The referee gets bumped though and here’s Bob with a cast shot to Undertaker’s head for the close two. Undertaker boots Bob off the apron and grabs the chokeslam, which is reversed into the RKO in midair (one of my favorite counters ever) for two and a big sigh of relief from the fans. For reasons of general cockiness, Orton tries his own Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to make Undertaker 13-0.

Rating: B-. It’s a good match but it never came close to that higher level. It would take a little longer for Undertaker to get that much better at Wrestlemania so for now it’s just a good one. Orton was trying here and looked better than he has in a long time, though aside from that one RKO, he never felt like a real threat here. Still though, one hot near fall is better than none and it wasn’t bad by any stretch.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme. It’s the annual Playboy match as we’re now supposed to believe that Christy can wrestle and isn’t just there because of her looks. Lita has been training Christy and is more interesting than anything Christy has been doing. Keep in mind that Christy isn’t at fault here. She isn’t a wrestler and is being thrown into a match because she won a modeling contest. That’s on WWE, not Christy.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Trish is defending and Christy has Lita with her. The bell rings and Trish drops to the mat but kicks Christy away in a rather heelish move. They head outside with Trish sending her into the steps, followed by some chops in the corner back inside. The Chick Kick misses and Christy hits one of her own as the fans are just gone for this.

Christy does the splits on top to set up a sunset flip for two, only to have Trish spear her down. We get the BORING chants as Trish stops to yell at Lita, allowing Christy to start in with the kicks. The reverse Twist of Fate and a rollup give Christy two each but Trish has had it. That means the Chick Kick to retain the title and end Christy’s wrestling run.

Rating: D-. Yeah what else were you expecting? Trish was wrestling herself here as Christy was only good for some tumbling and that Twist of Fate. The women’s division is all but dead at this point and it’s likely going to be a long time before things get better. Christy was trying here but had no business in this spot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was annoyed that Shawn eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and beat him up, setting off the big feud. Kurt is annoyed that people were talking about Shawn in 1996 when Angle was an Olympic champion. Now Angle wants to prove that he is the better man on the biggest stage. Shawn is down with that because he’s Shawn Michaels and it’s Wrestlemania. This is more or less WWE saying “yeah it’s going to be a classic and everyone knows it.”

Various celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

They stare at each other both before and after the bell until Shawn slaps him in the face. That makes Angle take him to the mat and Shawn is completely outclassed there. A headlock takeover works a bit better for Shawn as the fans are behind Angle for a bit of a surprise. The headlock stays on for a good while as they probably have a lot of time here. Shawn switches over to a short armscissors, allowing Angle to power out ala Bob Backlund (his old mentor).

Shawn is right back with the headlock but this time Angle powers up and takes him into the corner. The ankle lock is quickly broken up and it’s Shawn with a Cactus Clothesline to put them both on the floor. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Angle hits an Angle Slam into the post to take something out of Shawn. A suplex gives Angle two and it’s off to the bodyscissors to stay on the ribs/back.

The belly to belly gets two and it’s a reverse chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Angle’s belly to belly superplex is broken up but Shawn misses the top rope elbow. Shawn is fine enough to backdrop Angle to the floor and he’s crazy enough to hit a high crossbody to the floor with the knee possibly hitting Angle in the face. Angle gets back up and teases the German suplex off the apron to make the fans a little nervous.

A low blow gets Shawn out of trouble and that means the springboard spinning splash onto Angle onto the announcers’ table for less of a pop than you might have expected, mainly because the table doesn’t break. They head back in for the slugout into Shawn’s forearm and nipup so things can pick up again. Sweet Chin Music (way too early) is countered into the ankle lock, setting up the big crawl to the rope. Angle gets it again but this time Shawn reverses into a rollup for two.

Another Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into the Angle Slam for two as frustration is setting in. In another awesome moment, Angle pulls his straps up so he can pull them right back down again because you know it’s serious. The moonsault misses though (probably spent too much time with the straps) so Shawn goes up, only to get caught in the super Angle Slam for two, meaning Angle looks ready to cry at the kickout.

Angle talks a bunch of trash so Shawn snaps off Sweet Chin Music to shut him up. That gets a very delayed two and they both need a breather. Angle picks the ankle into the ankle lock as he’s right back up but this time Shawn can’t kick away. Shawn fights everywhere but finally gets pulled down into the grapevine for the tap (after a nearly goofy amount of time).

Rating: A+. Yeah what else do you want here? They told an outstanding story with Shawn going with the natural talent but Angle just wanting it that much more and turning up the intensity to a level Shawn couldn’t reach. It made Shawn look like he couldn’t beat Angle on his best night, all while putting in an instant classic. These two went back and forth with one big spot after another and Angle took away a lot of Shawn’s strength by working on the back. Check this one out if you haven’t in a while as it’s worth seeing again.

Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit (and I think there was an edit in there as the set was put together in the blink of an eye). Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame but wants to get down to business. He wanted the meanest and baddest man in WWE so his guest is Steve Austin. Cue Austin (with a glass breaking transition as we cut to the stage), with JR saying that he’s back at Wrestlemania. He hasn’t missed one since 2000 so that’s not the biggest accomplishment. Piper asks if Austin is the rebel and slaps him in the face so Austin calls him an SOB and returns the slap. Piper: “I kind of like you.”

With that out of the way, Piper talks about respecting Austin but gets cut off by the WHAT chants, which he doesn’t seem to understand. Piper takes issue with one thing: he was ticking Vince McMahon off when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel. Austin runs down Piper’s appearance and they get in each other’s faces, allowing Piper to quote Cool Hand Luke about a failure of communication.

Cue Carlito, with Piper and Austin accusing each other of bringing him out. Piper: “I’ll get back to you.” Carlito accuses both of them of arguing like girls, before declaring them both non-cool. Piper: “Who the h*** are you? You look like Alfalfa.” Carlito wants the two of them out of here and loads up the apple but Piper takes it away.

It’s Carlito taking the spit this time so Carlito hits him in the face as Austin laughs. Bored of that, Austin beats Carlito up and Piper sends him outside. Beer is consumed until Austin Stuns Piper. This completely missed as Piper and Austin didn’t have anything to say to each other. Carlito getting to be out there was a nice few moments for him but this was all about the legends, who didn’t need to be there.

It’s immediately time for the sumo match with a much harder cut to Cole and Tazz. They had to edit something out of there and we get a VERY long crowd shot during the next entrance. That was probably to remove the ropes, but it still felt like something was cut.

Upon further review, they aired the You Talking To Me trailer here and announced it as winning the Best Overall Trailer award. They’ve aired that on Raw and Smackdown, so why cut it here?

Akebono vs. Big Show

They do the full traditional opening as the fans are really not interested in this one. We finally get going, they slap each other, pull at the gear a bit, Show lifts Akebono and spins him around, and then Akebono wins. This didn’t work again as it came and went as it just wasn’t the right thing for a show like Wrestlemania. Akebono never wrestled for WWE again and I don’t know if he ever appeared again so I’m not sure what the thinking was here.

We recap John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield for the Smackdown World Title. It’s built around a culture clash with JBL being the old, rich traditionalist while Cena lives by his own rules and cares about the people. Cena won a tournament to get the shot so JBL talked about how people like Cena didn’t deserve to be champion. He couldn’t get Cena to go too far though and Cena is ready to explode here.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and gets a police escort into the arena. Just to show off, we get a shower of JBL dollars, which are always a nice touch. They trade shoulders to start with JBL getting the better of it (the big boot out of the corner probably helped a bit). A suplex gives JBL two and he chokes Cena on the ropes for a bit. Back up and Cena is fine with getting into a slugout but JBL catches him with a Ron Simmons style spinebuster. A neckbreaker and some clotheslines stay on Cena’s neck, followed by a sleeper to do something similar enough.

Cena slips out and it’s a double clothesline to keep up the slow pace. JBL sends him outside for another neckbreaker before going up top for some reason. That earns him a slam out of the air but Cena can’t follow up. Cena starts his comeback but the fans aren’t quite thrilled. The Shuffle gets some energy flowing and after ducking the Clothesline From JBL, the FU gives Cena his first World Title out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Very bleh match here as there was no drama and the match just ended out of nowhere with Cena shrugging off the first ten minutes and winning with very little drama. I know the match itself doesn’t matter that much but Cena wasn’t ready to carry something like this and JBL was never capable of carrying something like this, leaving us with a very underwhelming match.

That’s also the end of JBL’s long title reign and really, it was a lot better than I remember. JBL can talk very well and while his matches weren’t great, it didn’t come close to dragging as a lot of people (myself included) remember. Maybe it was knowing when it was going to end but I didn’t mind this nearly as much as I expected to. JBL winning the title in the first place was a big stretch but he held it a lot better than I would have guessed.

Hall of Fame video. Hogan and Piper were long overdue. Heenan on Iron Sheik’s speech: “WHAT THE H*** DID HE SAY???”

Gene Okerlund brings out the year’s class:

Nikolai Volkoff (sure why not)

Iron Sheik (just don’t let him talk….or maybe let him talk….it could go either way)

Paul Orndorff (belongs in for 1986 alone and is smart enough to point at Miss Jackie)

Bob Orton (always good for a solid performance and still selling the injury from earlier)

Jimmy Hart (yep, and comes off as one of the nicest guys ever in wrestling)

Roddy Piper (would have headlined almost any other class)

Hulk Hogan (odds are we’re not here without him)

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH has dominated the World Title scene for a long time and has used Evolution to help him hold onto the title. Batista has proven to be unstoppable and then won the Royal Rumble. HHH tried to talk him into going to Smackdown but Batista overheard the evil planning, sending Batista onto a path towards Wrestlemania and the title. This isn’t the hardest result to figure out and the fans are begging to see Batista take the title away from HHH for good.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH is defending and has Ric Flair with him, plus Motorhead plays him to the ring, just in case you thought Batista was cooler. I mean, you can barely understand the words because Lemmy butchers it in a great Brutus Beefcake impression but HHH rising up through the stage makes up for it a bit. Batista doesn’t get much of a pop, mainly due to the lack of the famous band performing his music.

The early power lockup lets them drive each other to the ropes but it’s only good for a standoff. They do it again with HHH’s running shoulder having no effect other than waking HHH up a bit. Another shoulder drops Batista but he’s right back up with something close to a powerslam. Batista hits a backdrop, only to have HHH knock him outside to cut the momentum off again.

Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps and Flair gets in some choking with the jacket. Back in and HHH gets two off a suplex, setting up more Flair choking. Whatever emotion the fans had for Batista after that HHH entrance is long gone now as HHH has beaten him down for about seven of the eight minutes the match has been going so far. Batista slugs away but walks into the spinebuster, because of course HHH needs to hit a spinebuster as he dominates Batista in the biggest match of Batista’s career.

A backdrop breaks up the Pedigree attempt but HHH is RIGHT BACK with the facebuster, leaving him on defense for all of three seconds. HHH goes up and gets clotheslined out of the air to no reaction as the fans are gone. They’re smart enough to realize that HHH is going to cut Batista off again and, as expected, Batista charges into a big boot in the corner just a few seconds later. Batista sends HHH over the corner, only to have HHH whip him into the steps.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got some blood. Back in and it’s time to hammer on the cut as the fans finally have something to cheer about. The big running clothesline in the corner rocks HHH and a powerslam gets two as there isn’t quite the energy in the offense that you would expect. It feels like they’re just doing stuff to fill time until the ending instead of of building something up.

Batista sends him outside but goes after Flair, allowing HHH to grab the chair, which hits the referee by mistake. Flair’s belt shot is countered with a spinebuster but HHH’s belt shot gets two. The fans react to the kickout and Batista hits the spinebuster for the big reaction. That’s too much cheering for HHH’s liking so he hits Batista low. Batista blocks the Pedigree with raw power though and hits something like White Noise. The Batista Bomb finally makes Batista champion.

Rating: C. It was miles better than Cena vs. JBL but egads this didn’t do Batista any favors. This was more about giving HHH a big sendoff as champion than making Batista look like a star and….I can’t say I’m surprised. Batista has looked so dominant and smart for the last six weeks that HHH probably couldn’t help himself from cutting him off. HHH did put him over, but it could have been a lot stronger without HHH beating him up and outsmarting him for the first half of the match. Much like the previous match though, it’s all about what comes next rather than what happened here, but HHH made sure to make himself look good.

The big celebration and highlight package wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. Much like last year, this really needed forty five minutes to an hour trimmed off (and again it’s easy to see what should be gone) to make it great. As it is it’s quite good but there are a lot of times where it felt like it was dragging. The two World Title matches were outclassed by Money in the Bank and Shawn vs. Angle (not exactly shocking on either front) but they got the endings right and aside from the sumo match and Piper’s Pit (which wasn’t that long), only the very short women’s match is bad (and that has various other positives).

What we got here was a strong Wrestlemania, but it needed some time trimmed off to really make it great. That being said, this is still far better than the five hour monstrosities we get now. It’s a completely watchable, at times great and very important show though, meaning it feels like Wrestlemania. The streak of good Wrestlemanias continues, though the show getting longer isn’t the most encouraging sign. Check out the ladder match and Shawn vs. Angle if you have the time though as they’re worth a second look (or nineteenth look in some cases).

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the second of three redos this year and it is a show that I have seen quite a few times over the years. WWE knows how to bust out the big anniversary shows and that is what we will be seeing here. The fact that the show is in Madison Square Garden makes it even better. The main event is HHH defending the Raw World Title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels in a match that I think might work. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sing America the Beautiful with a VERY patriotic montage.

The opening video features Vince McMahon walking out of the shadows and talking about how he had a vision twenty years ago which shaped everything today. This gives us the always awesome montage of Wrestlemania clips, which really is their strong suit. They know how to make things feel special and that is what they did here. Speaking of special, the video ends with Shane McMahon now next to Vince and presenting his son, Vince’s first grandchild, as the narrator talks about where it all begins again. That has always stuck with me since I saw this show for the first time and it is great.

In a change from the usual MSG setup, the entrance is on the left instead of opposite the hard camera, though there is a large screen showing the current match.

We get the traditional welcome from the multiple commentary teams.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging and is on fire here, while Big Show has defended the title less than three times since winning it back in October. Cena’s rap mocks Show’s anatomy in various ways and promises that he’ll win the title tonight. Show shoves him away to start but Cena is back with the right hands. Cena’s shots are shrugged off though and he gets sent outside, setting up a powerslam for two back inside.

The fans think Show sucks as he slowly hammers Cena down, including a slam. We get the required standing on Cena’s chest/throat and a suplex drops Cena again. More standing, this time on Cena’s back, seems to wake him up a bit but Show kicks him in the face. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the frustration starts setting in fast. Powered by the fans (his kind always is), Cena slips out of a slam and grabs a choke, which earns him a hard clotheslines.

Show is back with the cobra clutch but Cena powers out again and avoids a charge in the corner. The FU barely gets two though and now it’s Cena being stunned. With nothing else working, Cena grabs his chain, which is taken away by the competent referee. Instead it’s the brass knuckles off Show’s head, setting up the FU to give the filthy cheater the pin and the title at 9:20.

Rating: C. This was more of a coronation than anything else and it came at the end of a not very interesting match. The problem with someone like Show is there are only so many things that you can do with him. Cena has the power to make it work a little better, but this isn’t the best time in Show’s history and it was obvious here. That being said, this was ALL about Cena and as long as he left with the title, nothing else mattered.

Coach is walking through the back and after meeting various people like Tom Prichard and Teddy Long, he goes in to see Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff (with assistant Johnny Nitro), who wants to make sure that Undertaker is here. Bischoff sends Coach to find him but Coach isn’t exactly comfortable with that. He goes anyway, as Bischoff doesn’t really care.

Evolution, minus HHH, is in a stairwell, with Randy Orton talking about how it’s ironic that we are back here in MSG where he became the new Hardcore Legend. We see a clip of Orton kicking Mick Foley down these steps, which made Foley walk away back in December. Then Foley came back, when Orton spat in his face. Foley can’t accept that life has passed him by, just like evolution.

We see clips of Foley being beaten up over and over, including a segment where Foley told Orton to really hit him in the face. Evolution has gotten bored with it, just like Foley, so he called Hollywood to get the Rock. Then Evolution beat him down too and they’ll do it again tonight. It all started here in MSG, and tonight it all ends here as well. This one always stuck out for me too, just because of the different location.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T. vs. Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

Van Dam and Booker are defending (with their pretty terrible mashup theme) and this is one fall to a finish. Dupree and Van Dam start things off with a monkey flip sending Dupree flying. Booker beats up La Resistance but it’s off to Bubba for the hard lockup. A neckbreaker drops Booker for two and the snap jabs put him down again. D-Von comes in so Van Dam takes him down with a top rope kick to the face, showing that he too is a filthy cheater by coming in without a tag.

Jindrak tags himself in to stomp away on Booker and it’s Dupree coming back in to drive Booker into the corner. Conway cranks on both arms with a knee in Booker’s back for far too long until a spinebuster breaks things up. The hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house but D-Von shoves him off the top to break up the Five Star. Everything breaks down and Cade saves Booker from the 3D. Booker kicks Conway down and the Five Star retains the titles at 7:54.

Rating: C-. This is one of the most “yeah whatever” matches I can remember in a long time. There were too many people involved and it was only so good because of all of the people running around. Also, why are you using a minute of an eight minute match on a rest hold? You have eight people involved but we spent that long on Conway pulling Booker’s arms? Really?

Coach goes to find Undertaker and is told there are some “freakish noises” coming from a door. He heads to the door, which is being knocked back and forth. Gene Okerlund, pulling his clothes come back on, comes out, followed by Bobby Heenan, whose shirt is undone. Coach wonders what is going on, but Heenan says they were playing poker. Heenan: “He was dealing.” Coach wants to know what was going on in there, so here are Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young, who grab Gene and Heenan and drag them back in. Heenan: “No I don’t want to go back! I haven’t been well!” This still gets me every time.

We recap Christian vs. Chris Jericho. They used to be best friends and made a bet about who could be more, ahem, successful with Lita and Trish Stratus respectively. Lita kind of went away, but Jericho started to fall for Trish. She found out about the bet and yelled at Jericho, who then tried to win her back. Christian turned on Jericho to get him to be the old Jericho again, setting up the match. This was a really detailed story and I’ve always liked it for telling a coherent story throughout. You don’t get that often and it was one of the best of the era.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian

They fight over a lockup to start and go into the corner, with Christian shoving him instead of giving a clean break. Jericho punches him in the face and starts throwing knees to take over, setting up the running elbow. A kick to the face and a backdrop to the floor keep Christian in trouble and Jericho hits a bit dive to take him down again. Back in and Christian manages to belly to back suplex him to the floor to take over for the first time.

The neck crank goes on back inside, followed by a chinlock with a knee in Jericho’s back. A spinwheel kick gives Christian two and it’s time to slap Jericho in the face a few times. That earns him a head to head collision though and they’re both down. The slugout goes to Jericho and he hits the running crotch attack to the back in the ropes. The step up enziguri gives Jericho two but Christian reverses a rollup into one of his own, with a grab of the rope getting two.

Jericho’s bulldog sets up the Lionsault to Christian’s raised knees and a reverse tornado DDT gives Christian two of his own. Jericho is right back up with his swinging sleeper drop but he gets tossed off the top, banging up his knee in the process. Christian’s high crossbody is rolled through so he kicks Jericho in the knee. The Texas Cloverleaf goes on for a bit until Jericho reverses into the Walls.

Christian is in the ropes almost immediately and he rolls outside….with Jericho holding on and keeping the Walls on outside. Back in and a butterfly superplex gives Jericho two and here is Trish Stratus to slap the apron. An implant DDT gives Christian two, which draws Trish up to the apron. Christian shoves her down so Jericho sends him outside. Trish elbows Jericho in the face (it’s unclear if she could see who it was) and Christian’s rollup with tights is enough for the pin at 14:44.

Rating: B. This got going once it became a regular match and these two have more than enough talent to make a longer match work. Christian certainly needed the win more than Jericho here, as it was a big boost in probably his biggest singles win ever. Jericho winning here ends the feud so having Christian move up is the right way to go. Good match too, and that really shouldn’t be surprising.

Post match Trish is upset and apologizes to Jericho. Christian comes back but Trish turns on Jericho and slaps him on the face, setting up the Unprettier. Evil Trish leaves with Christian and we get the semi-famous kiss on the stage in the next big step for both of them.

Mick Foley is fired up to be back in Madison Square Garden and needs to get in that mindset to put all of this anger and emotion on Evolution. The Rock interrupts and is VERY fired up, saying he has finally come back…..home. After telling Lilian Garcia not to look at the People’s package (which she does), Rock steals the cameraman to come with him and sees Hurricane and Rosey, Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco and then goes all the way into the arena for a shot of the crowd. They’re ready for Evolution and it’s weird seeing Rock and Foley as these two big serious guys going up against evil.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

No recap video here, but it’s basically Foley fighting Randy Orton and the two of them both have major backup. Rock and Foley clear the ring to start before Rock and Flair settle things down, giving the New York fans a crazy dream match. A shoulder puts Flair down and Rock busts out a strut, with Flair coming back up for a WOO. The chops don’t do Flair any good and Rock hits a backdrop to send him rolling outside.

Foley follows him out and drops Flair with a clothesline before coming in himself. That sends Orton bailing to the floor so Foley is right there to send him into the announcers’ table. Back in and Rock takes over on Orton (there’s a dream match we never got), but has to punch Flair and Batista off the apron. The distraction is enough for Batista to come in and take over, allowing Flair to hit some more effective chops. We get the big strut and Flair goes up top and….oh you know the deal.

Batista comes back in before Rock can bring in Foley but the tag brings in Foley a few seconds later anyway. Foley fights out of the corner and hammers Batista down but that huge Batista clothesline cuts his down. Some double teaming on the floor has Foley in more trouble and there’s the big whip to send him knees first into the steps (taking that bump so many times explains so much about why Foley walks that way).

Back in and Foley and Flair slug it out until Orton can come in and pull at Foley’s hair for a reverse chinlock. Batista adds some clotheslines but Foley slips in a quick Mandible Claw. In a smarter move than you would expect from a musclehead like this version of Batista, he waves Orton in for the save instead of getting in more trouble. Flair comes back in and gets forearmed in the face, allowing the really easy tag back to Rock. House is cleaned but Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster.

That lets Flair….load up the People’s Elbow (complete with throwing an invisible elbow pad), but again he takes too long, allowing Rock to nip up and really clean house. The spinebuster plants Flair, setting up a People’s Elbow, complete with strut, for a delayed two. There’s the Rock Bottom to Orton with Flair making the save.

Flair grabs a chair but the distraction lets the Batista Bomb hit Rock to give Orton two (in the same way Batista helped Orton beat Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series 2003). The real hot tag brings in Foley to clean house but the Mandible Claw takes too long (theme of the match) and Orton grabs an RKO for the pin at 17:55.

Rating: B+. The more I see this match, the more I like it, as you have Rock and Flair doing everything they could to steal the show and Foley going after Orton every chance he could. Batista was in there with the muscle and it made for a great showcase. It was every bit the big moment that they were shooting for and it made me want to see a bunch of these combinations again. That wouldn’t happen for the most part, but dang they made this one work really well, as the match itself was a backdrop to just doing entertaining stuff, leaving the crowd completely in their hands.

Hall of Fame video recap, featuring Heenan’s “I wish Monsoon was here”, which will get me every single time.

The Hall of Fame class is introduced by Gene Okerlund:

Bobby Heenan (still playing to the crowd as only he can)
Tito Santana (about as perfect of a midcarder as you could have)
Big John Studd (represented by his son)
Harley Race (yep, though billing him as The King is a bit odd)
Pete Rose (booed, but apparently very grateful for the honor so points for that)
Don Muraco (I could go for more of him, as you don’t see him brought up very often)
Greg Valentine (who looks like he is ready for Wrestlemania IV)
Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter)
Billy Graham (there’s an influential one)
Sgt. Slaughter (with the salutes)
Jesse Ventura (I could listen to that voice talk about anything, as long as he jabs McMahon)

This was the first class in almost ten years and it is a heck of a group, though no one really stands out as a headliner.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Playboy Evening Gown match, as Jackie and Stacy are jealous of the other two for being in the magazine. Hold on though as Sable wants to start minus the evening gowns. That’s exactly what we do, with commentary reacting exactly as you would expect them to. Jackie won’t drop her gown so it gets ripped off of her to start fast. Sable kicks at Jackie’s ribs in the corner and Torrie comes in with a high crossbody.

Stacy comes in (taking her time to come over the ropes) and throws in a cartwheel. The Kevin Nash choke in the corner doesn’t do Stacy much good so they go to the pinfall reversal sequence for various camera shots. Stacy’s kick to the face gets two on Torrie before it’s back to Jackie. The referee gets rolled over and it’s Torrie reversing a rollup for the pin on Jackie at 2:32. This is exactly what you would have expected it to be.

Fans have come from various states and countries for the show.

WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero says he has Chris Benoit’s back win or lose, but Benoit doesn’t like the word lose. Eddie says no one believes in him but Benoit says he believes in himself and tonight is his night. That’s what Eddie wanted to hear.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (with his dad) is defending and will enter last in the ten person gauntlet. Everyone gets their entrance (with Ultimo Dragon’s two slips edited out, thankfully) and it’s Shannon Moore in at #1 and Ultimo Dragon in at #2. Dragon works on the arm to start but Moore shoulders him down for….well not much really. Back up and Moore misses a Whisper in the Wind, allowing Dragon to hit his standing Sliced Bread for the elimination at 1:19.

Jamie Noble is in at #3 to jump Dragon from behind with a clothesline for two. Dragon is right back with his alternating kicks for two but he has to bail out of a moonsault. A neckbreaker drops Dragon and a guillotine choke finishes him off at 2:17 (total). Funaki is in at #4 and hits a high crossbody but Noble rolls through for the pin at 2:27.

Nunzio is in at #5 as commentary brings up SD Jones getting pinned in nine seconds at Wrestlemania. Some quick rollups give Nunzio two but Noble sends him outside for the HUGE flip dive off the top. They take turns pulling each other off the apron until Noble gets the countout elimination at 4:20.

Billy Kidman is in at #6 to jump Noble from behind (again with the filthy cheaters) and Nunzio pulls Noble to the floor. Instead of standing around, Kidman hits a crazy top rope shooting star onto the two of them for the almost terrifying landing. Thankfully Kidman is able to throw Noble back inside for two but has to fight out of the guillotine. An enziguri sets up the shooting star press, but Kidman has to fight Noble off. That’s fine enough, as the super BK Bomb gets rid of Noble at 6:12.

Rey Mysterio (as the Flash) is in at #7 and the top rope seated senton connects, only to have Kidman blast him with a dropkick. Mysterio hits his own dropkick to send Kidman outside but Akio snaps Rey’s throat across the top. Kidman’s spinebuster gets two so he puts Rey on top, only to get pulled down with a sunset bomb for the elimination at 7:30.

It’s Tajiri in at #8 to kick away at Mysterio and the Tarantula makes it worse. That doesn’t last long (just shy of five seconds oddly enough) and it’s the 619 to rock Tajiri. The springboard….something misses though and Tajiri loads up the mist, which hits an interfering Akio by mistake.

Rey grabs a rollup to get rid of Tajiri at 8:39 and apparently the mist means Akio can’t go, so Chavo is in at #10 to complete the field. Tajiri cheap shots Rey so Chavo gets two but Rey fights up and takes Chavo Sr. down. The running flip dive takes out Sr. again (well that seemed excessive) so Jr. grabs a rollup, with Sr. grabbing his hands to retain the title at 10:31.

Rating: C. This was the next match in the “well, here are a bunch of people” series of matches on the show. I’ve never gotten the logic of these matches as you have people getting falls in a minute when usual matches take five times as long as one elimination here. At the same time, Chavo just keeps the title, making this quite the uninteresting showcase, save for Kidman’s big spots.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They talked trash to each other at the Royal Rumble and then Lesnar interfered in said Rumble to help eliminate Goldberg. Then Goldberg cost Lesnar the WWE Title so we have this match, with Steve Austin as guest referee. As a result, the feud wound up being Lesnar vs. Austin, as Austin gave Goldberg the idea to help cost Lesnar the title. Then Lesnar stole Austin’s ATV and Goldberg was just kind of there too. Oh and both Goldberg and Lesnar are leaving after the show and everyone knows about it.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Steve Austin is guest referee. Lesnar and Goldberg do their big entrances and we immediately hit the YOU SOLD OUT chants (pick your target). They stare at each other for almost a minute and Austin tells them to go at it. Now it’s the Goodbye Song as I try to get my mind around the idea of Lesnar having a tiny goatee coming in. They stare at each other some more as commentary talks about Lesnar going to the NFL.

There’s no contact for the first two minutes so Austin stares at both of them as he figures out that this is going to be a long night. They finally lock up after about 2:50 and that stays on for nearly 40 seconds with both of them letting go. They fight over another lockup, and by fight I mean they’re standing there with their arms around each other’s heads. Fans: “THIS MATCH SUCKS!”

Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first offensive move about five minutes in. They trade shoulders with neither going anywhere so they go nose to nose to yell at each other. The double shoulder puts them both down and then stare at each other a bit. Goldberg FINALLY picks him up in a gorilla press for a spinebuster but the spear only hits buckle. After a GOLDBERG SUCKS chant, Lesnar throws him back inside for some suplexes and a standing choke as Lawler desperately tries to turn this into a Raw vs. Smackdown thing.

That goes on for a long time as well until Goldberg fights out and they collide again, earning some straight booing. Goldberg fights up again and hits some clotheslines into a swinging neckbreaker. The spear gets two so Goldberg yells at Austin, allowing Lesnar to come back with the F5 for two. Now it’s Lesnar yelling at Austin, meaning he misses a spear of his own. Goldberg hits the spear and the Jackhammer gets rid of Lesnar for about eight years.

Rating: D-. Of course the match is terrible and a form of torture in 14 states, but there is some kind of perverse entertainment out of the whole thing. This wasn’t designed to be an entertaining match but rather two guys just messing around until they did a few things and called it a match. It’s an all time mess, but it’s a bit different than a match being a wreck just because it isn’t any good. This one is so bad that it’s fun in a way, which is a very different thing.

Post match we get beer and Stunners as the fans are pleased with Austin for knocking out those two after that match.

Wrestlemania XXI is in Los Angeles.

In a very nice moment, Vince McMahon comes out to thank the fans for being there for twenty years of Wrestlemania. This is the kind of genuine feeling moment that you do not get in modern WWE and it was kind of sweet.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA vs. Too Cool

Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi) are defending and again it’s one fall to a finish. Benjamin jumps Bradshaw to start and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Doug Basham tags himself in and suplexes Benjamin down for two, with Haas having to make the save. Back up and Benjamin slams Doug onto Haas’ knee and it’s off to Scotty to run Haas over.

That lets Scotty stop to dance but he gets thrown over the top. Scotty is fine enough to skin the cat but Haas catches him on his shoulders, allowing Benjamin to hit the running jump onto his back. The Bashams come in and hit a double suplex on Scotty to take over as the heat segment in the second four way Tag Team Title match on a four and a half hour show continues.

Scotty finally flips out of a belly to back suplex and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. Haas takes the Stinkface and Bradshaw fall away slams Doug over the top and onto a pile on the floor. The Clothesline From Bradshaw hits Danny but Rikishi takes Bradshaw out and sits on Danny to retain at 6:03.

Rating: D+. It was about the same as the first four way, but this would probably be the first match that needed to be cut to trim some of the time off this very long show. Rikishi and Scotty are another on the long list of forgotten teams to hold the titles and it isn’t like this was anything memorable either.

Dancing ensues post match.

Edge is coming back after over a year away with a neck injury.

Here is Jesse Ventura to interview someone so he picks…..Donald Trump, who happens to be in the front row. Jesse plugs the Apprentice and suggests that he is going to run for President, even asking for Trump’s financial and moral support. Sure, and we’ll move on as fast as we can.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Victoria is defending and this is title vs. hair, which was the only way they could get this match on the show so the two of them immediately agreed. Molly forearms her down to start and hits a running hip attack in the corner. Back up and Victoria spins out of a wristlock and Molly needs an early breather. She gets back in and grabs a snap suplex for two on Victoria, setting up a basement dropkick for two more.

The neck crank is on as Lawler goes into a discussion of Molly’s underwear. JR: “What does that have to do with this wrestling match?” Victoria fights up and hits a powerslam for two as JR wants some hot tea. Molly is sat on top and comes back with a sunset bomb for two of her own. For some reason Molly tries the Widow’s Peak (Victoria’s finisher) but Victoria reverses into a rollup to retain at 4:54.

Rating: C. They were victims of the time problems again here as there is only so much you can do in less than five minutes. The good thing is that the two of them are talented enough to make something out of nothing so the match was certainly watchable, even if it was more about setting up the post match stuff. It’s literally a case of this being the best WWE could give them though and that is better than just cutting the match.

Post match Molly tries to run away but gets sleepered out and tied in the chair for the big hair cut.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Title. Angle attacked Eddie because he didn’t want a former drug addict as the WWE Champion (the future would not be kind to this story for Angle). Therefore, it is time for a real hero to take the title but Eddie isn’t standing for this. Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman has gotten in on Angle’s side and has helped him destroy Eddie more than once, including once when Eddie’s hands were handcuffed behind his back. Now it’s time for revenge.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Eddie is defending and the haircut is continuing as Angle makes his entrance. They start slowly with Eddie actually taking him down but making the mistake of trying to go amateur with him. Angle’s headlock takeover works rather well but Eddie as we get the LET’S GO ANGLE/ANGLE SUCKS chants. Eddie gets a fireman’s carry takeover but Angle flips over into a front facelock without much trouble.

A backdrop gets Eddie out of trouble and he armdrags Angle over into an armbar, setting in the frustration. Angle fights up and gets an abdominal stretch to stretch Eddie’s abdominals before hitting a German suplex. The second is escaped and Eddie winds up on the apron, where he has to block the German suplex to the floor. A dropkick puts Angle down but Eddie’s big dive only hits the barricade to bang up his ribs even more.

Some shoulders to the ribs set up a bodyscissors but Eddie jawbreaks his way to freedom. That lasts for all of two seconds as Angle drops the ribs across the top rope and snaps off an overhead belly to belly. Now it’s a waistlock to stay on the ribs and another belly to belly gives Angle another two. Eddie manages a quick knockdown though and goes up for the frog splash, which only hits mat.

The frustrated Angle starts throwing right hands, which just fire Eddie up enough to start his comeback. The rolling German suplexes cut that off in a hurry but the Angle Slam is countered into an armdrag. Two Amigos connect until Angle picks the ankle but Eddie kicks him off immediately. Eddie goes up but Angle is right there with the run up the ropes belly to belly superplex for the big crash back down.

Angle runs him over again though and the straps come down, setting up the Angle Slam. Eddie breaks that up as well and it’s a DDT to set up the frog splash for a rather close two. The ankle lock goes on again so Eddie rolls him outside and starts untying his boot to loosen the pressure. Back in and the angry Angle grabs the ankle lock, only to have Eddie kick him away and lose his boot. Angle is so stunned that he gets small packaged to retain Eddie’s title at 21:33.

Rating: A-. This was more about the psychology as Angle was hyper focused and Eddie eventually suckered him in with the boot. It made for a great finish, but it also came after an awesome match with Angle taking Eddie apart as only he could and Eddie having to survive. The ending was a very Eddie way to retain the title and that grin is hard to turn down. Absolutely a Wrestlemania match and an instant classic that doesn’t get the credit it deserves.

We recap Undertaker vs. Kane in the return of the Dead Man. Kane had turned on Undertaker and buried him alive (again) because he thought Undertaker was going soft. Then the gong went off at the Royal Rumble and Kane realized he was in trouble. Now Undertaker is back and it’s time for some revenge.

Kane vs. Undertaker

It’s the first time the Dead Man has been back since 1999 and Paul Bearer is right there with him. We also have torch bearing druids, because you always need torch bearing druids. Kane is already panicked and shouts that Undertaker isn’t real, because somehow Kane still doesn’t get how Undertaker works. Undertaker finally starts punching away against the ropes and they head to the floor for a slugout. That goes to Undertaker, who hits the apron legdrop to stun Kane again.

Back in and Kane kicks him in the face and it turns into a slugout on the mat for a change. The side slam plants Undertaker again, setting up the top rope clothesline for two. Undertaker fights right back with more right hands and tries Old School, which is pulled out of the air by the throat. The chokeslam plants Undertaker but Kane poses instead of covering. Undertaker sits up and stares at Kane mid pose, meaning it’s time for the real beating. Right hands, the chokeslam and the Tombstone finish Kane to make it 12-0 at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t about the match but rather Undertaker being back, so there was no reason to believe that Kane was any serious threat. What mattered here was having Undertaker get back in the ring and destroy Kane because he is back in a big way. Kane was the designated victim here, which has been the case for him so many times now that he should be used to it.

We recap HHH defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit. Michaels and HHH went to a draw at the Royal Rumble so HHH retained the title. Then Benoit jumped to Raw and said he wanted the Raw World Title. The contract signing was set but Shawn ran in to interrupt, saying he needed that one more shot. He took out Benoit and signed the contract, because WWE continues to not get how contracts work. Steve Austin then made the match a triple threat, with Shawn being the most wedged in challenger of all time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH is defending in his weird white boots look. We go old school with the weapons check before Benoit sends HHH outside to start. That leaves Benoit to miss a backslide and Crossface on Shawn, who grabs a rollup for two. A northern lights suplex gives Benoit two but HHH is back in. Shawn has to skin the cat to get back inside, where he tosses Benoit out instead.

HHH is set outside as well, where he and Benoit are taken down by a baseball slide. Shawn’s big moonsault to the floor puts everyone down for a change until Benoit is left alone on the outside. The Pedigree is broken up by a returning Benoit, who fires off knees to Shawn’s ribs and sends him into the post. Shawn is fine enough to come back and tie Benoit in the Tree of Woe but HHH cuts Shawn off again.

The flying forearms drops HHH and Shawn nips up, only to have Benoit toss him outside. Benoit loads up the Swan Dive but gets crotched by Shawn, who misses Sweet Chin Music to HHH. A DDT sends Shawn outside and a superplex gets six (which is somehow not three) on Benoit. The Crossface goes on out of nowhere so Shawn has to dive in for the save. That earns Shawn some rolling German suplexes into a Swan Dive for a rather close two as HHH is still down.

Now it’s Shawn making the comeback and hammering on Benoit, who gets sent outside. HHH gets superkicked for two with Benoit making the save so everyone goes outside. Shawn gets posted and busted open so Benoit puts on the Crossface, with HHH having to grab the hand to block the tap. HHH sends Benoit into the steps and loads up the announcers’ table (it wouldn’t be Wrestlemania without it), with Shawn helping on a double suplex to put Benoit through said table.

NOW we get the big HHH vs. Shawn slugout, because that’s what the two of them probably wanted this to be the whole time. Shawn whips HHH over the corner for the crash to the floor, with HHH coming up bleeding. Back in and Shawn slowly gets the better of things but a quick Pedigree takes him down.

Benoit has to come back in for the save before sending Shawn outside. The Sharpshooter has HHH in trouble so Shawn breaks it up with the superkick for a delayed two. Benoit sends him outside and reverses the Pedigree into the Crossface. HHH can’t get the rope and Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring for the tap and the title at 24:08.

Rating: A+. Yes it’s still a masterpiece with nothing close to a misstep or weak part and that is not something you get to see very often. All three worked hard and at the end of the day, Benoit won clean over HHH via submission in the middle of the ring. This felt like the main event of a milestone show and it was an incredible match which has not gotten old every time I have seen it. That is hard to do and it certainly deserves the honor.

Benoit gets the HUGE celebration with the confetti falling. Eddie Guerrero comes in for the shot that is now iconic for all the wrong reasons and JR’s voice gives out with the shouting to end the show.

Well almost, as we get the highlight reel to really wrap it up.

Overall Rating: B. In case it wasn’t clear throughout, there are more than a few matches on this show that feel like they are there for the sake of getting people on the card. If you get rid of those matches, this is an all time classic, as well as having the show be under four hours. The rest of the show is pretty much an all timer (Goldberg vs. Lesnar aside) with the matches either feeling important or being great. Just trim it down and stop cramming things in and it’s that much better. It’s absolutely worth a look if you have seen it before or not, but have the fast forward button ready.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C-

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B-
2018 Redo: B
2022 Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B+

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2018 Redo: N/A
2022 Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: C

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F
2013 Redo: E
2015 Redo: F
2018 Redo: F
2022 Redo: D-

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-
2022 Redo: D+

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: C-
2018 Redo: D+
2022 Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A
2022 Redo: A-

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D+
2018 Redo: D
2022 Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2015 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: A-
2018 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B

I think we’ve found about the definitive ratings for this one, or at least as close as you’re going to get after five looks at it.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XVII
Date: April 1, 2001
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 67,925
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

Do I even need to explain this one? It’s one of the all time legendary classics if not THE all time legendary classic and maybe the greatest show in wrestling history. I’ve seen this show more times than I can count thanks to a VHS that a buddy of mine made for me of the original broadcast. As for the card, it’s Austin vs. Rock II and that’s all you need to know. Let’s get to it.

Sunday Night Heat: Grandmaster Sexay/Steve Blackman vs. X-Pac/Justin Credible

It’s so strange to hear these theme songs at this show. It feels like something that belongs in a video game only. Believe it or not there’s actually a bit of a setup for this as Sexay recruited Blackman to team with him earlier today because those feet could be great for dancing. X-Pac and Credible are part of X-Factor, and have Albert (A-Train/Prince Albert/whatever else you want to call him) in their corner.

The good guys clean house to start and X-Pac misses a Bronco Buster in the corner. Albert gets in a clothesline from the apron so X-Pac can take over, including stealing the goggles. Some right hands don’t get Grandmaster very far as X-Pac kicks him in the face. A double clothesline works a bit better and the hot (?) tag brings in Blackman. Everything breaks down and Albert pulls Grandmaster to the floor, leaving Blackman to take a double superkick for the pin at 2:45. It’s nothing to see of course but this was a perfectly nice tag match that did its job just fine.

The opening video is still one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen, with a bunch of clips of people watching Wrestlemania over the years, including a man in a barn with a trumpet, a farm couple outside their house, a man carrying hay, an Asian man on the streets of what appears to be a city in China, two teenagers watching through a TV store window, a twenty something couple in the backseat of a car and a clown. This is interspersed with what appears to be some kind of nuns dancing in a field. The one thing I always wonder: how do you get pay per view on these portable TVs with no apparent cables coming into them?

The stadium looks incredible with the wide shots showing just how massive the whole thing is. There’s something so cool about those visuals where you can see the tens of thousands of people. It’s the first stadium show since….geez 1992?

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Jericho, with a bad shoulder, is defending and has been tormenting Commissioner Regal for weeks due to Regal being an insufferable bore. This includes relieving himself in Regal’s teapot and dressing up like Doink for reasons that still aren’t clear (I’m sure Shawn Michaels is still mad about it too.). Regal responded by torturing Jericho with a series of handicap matches, setting up this showdown for revenge and the title. Notice that I can snap off those details without even seeing the highlight video while I could barely tell you how the main events of the last five Wrestlemanias were set up.

Jericho starts fast with a clothesline and spinwheel kick to send Regal outside as Heyman is in full on analysis mode. You can tell how excited he is to be here. Back in and a top rope back elbow gives Jericho two but Regal forearms his way out of the Walls attempt. Jericho’s bad shoulder goes into the post twice in a row and it’s time for some British limb punishment. An elbow to the face gives Jericho a breather but the Lionsault hits knees. The turnbuckle pad comes off and Regal sends the shoulder into the exposed steel so Jericho kicks him in the head.

A middle rope dropkick gets two but Regal goes right back to the shoulder. In something rather un-Regal, he takes Jericho up top for a butterfly superplex and another near fall. The Regal Stretch goes on until Jericho makes a rope. Right handed chops work a bit better for Jericho but a kick to the arm cuts him off again. The bulldog takes Regal down and the Lionsault out of nowhere retains the title at 7:08.

Rating: B-. This would have been a Kickoff match today so it’s a nice relief to have it actually get some attention rather than being background noise while the announcers previewed the more important stuff. These two beat the heck out of each other with Regal doing vile things to the shoulder. The ending came very suddenly but we got good stuff until we got there.

Shane McMahon arrives in the WCW-1 limo.

The APA and Jackie want to know where Tazz is, sending Bradshaw into an awesome speech about how important it is to be in the Astrodome because of all the sports traditions in the building and IT’S WRESTLEMANIA. I’ve always really liked this one.

APA/Tazz vs. Right to Censor

It’s Val Venis/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan for the RTC here and Tazz’s entrance cuts off Steven Richards’ rant. It’s a brawl to start with Jackie DDTing Richards until Tazz and Buchanan get things going. A big boot drops Tazz and it’s Venis coming in for two off a Russian legsweep. Goodfather gets a chance as well and whips Tazz into the ropes so hard that Tazz can’t even turn around in time.

The former Ho Train sets up a slow motion Vader Bomb with Tazz moving without much effort. It’s off to Bradshaw for a backdrop that barely gets Goodfather over and a better fall away slam to Venis. Everything breaks down and it’s the double spinebuster to Buchanan. A top rope belly to back superplex (with the cool looking ceiling making for an awesome visual) drops Venis, leaving Goodfather to miss the Ho Train so the Clothesline From Bradshaw can finish at 3:55.

Rating: D+. And that’s the worst match on the card. This could have been on Raw but it was a quick way to get the Texans on the card, which is hardly a bad idea. There was no reason for this to be any longer or any more evenly matches and for something like this, that’s all it needed to be. Sometimes you need a fun match instead of a long struggle and that’s what they had here.

Trish Stratus (currently Vince’s mistress) wheels in the catatonic Linda McMahon) but gets yelled at by Stephanie (in a much more compassionate way) for being late. Also, Trish needs to crack the ice for the champagne by hand.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Big Show vs. Kane

Raven, with a shopping cart full of toys, is defending so Heyman has some advice for him: “Run like h***.” Big Show comes out late so Raven this Kane with a plastic sign to no effect. Show (in his bad looking singlet phase) finally comes out so Kane throws Raven at him and comes off the top to the floor with the clothesline for two. They waste no time in fighting into the crowd and take their sweet time getting up to the stage (mainly because they’re in a freaking stadium) with Raven popping back up, only to be thrown partially through a wooden wall.

Show slams Kane onto a pile of wooden pallets and chases Raven into a caged storage area. The door is locked so Kane breaks it open and hits Show in the back with a broom. Raven chokes Kane with a garden hose but gets driven through the chain link wall. Kane isn’t finished and throws Raven through a glass window for a scary crash.

Not to be outdone, Show throws Kane through a regular door….so Kane shoves him through a wall. Raven pops in and grabs a golf cart, with Show jumping on the back for a crash (which according to Raven nearly knocked out the power to the entire building). Kane steals another golf cart and the referee hitches a ride, with Raven nearly being run over. This was supposed to start off some kind of a chase but for some reason it didn’t happen, probably time. Or Raven making the story up because he’s goofy like that.

They fight down the hallway and Raven goes through the drink table. That’s enough backstage as they head up some steps to the stage, with Kane winning a slugout with Show. A clothesline takes Kane down and Show gorilla presses Raven but they both get kicked off the stage and through part of the set. Kane drops an elbow/leg to pin Show for the title at 9:18.

Rating: C+. Completely different kind of match of course but I had a good time with it because they went with the full on goofy style instead of trying anything serious. The Hardcore Title was WAY past its usefulness at this point but at least they had some fun here. It didn’t need to be on the show, but would you rather watch another battle of the giants?

Kurt Angle obsessively watches footage of Chris Benoit making him tap out. Edge and Christian come in and say it’s going to be a big night for all three of them, though Angle only talks about how he didn’t officially tap.

Jimmy Snuka is at WWF New York. Cool enough.

An Australian fan is here. This was before the international feel really became a thing for Wrestlemania so this was a little different.

Rock arrives, forty minutes into the show. Are we really supposed to believe that people are just getting here after three matches? This has always bugged me for one reason or another.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Eddie is challenging and has Perry Saturn, in a big fuzzy hat, with him. Test starts with a layout powerbomb for an early two and a gorilla press drop sends Eddie face first onto the top turnbuckle. Eddie catches him on top but a super hurricanrana attempt is easily blocked with a simple grab of the rope. A top rope back elbow to the jaw (must be a Canadian thing) rocks Eddie but Test misses a charge….and gets his boot caught in the rope like a goon.

Thankfully Eddie is smart enough to distract the referee so Saturn can get in some right hands so Test doesn’t look incredibly stupid. The leg gets undone (with Eddie’s help) and Eddie starts in on the knee as he should be doing. With Heyman getting in the still annoying lines of “they’re the same size on the mat”, Eddie grabs a sleeper but gets taken down with a tilt-a-whirl slam. A tilt-a-whirl powerbomb gets two but Eddie kicks him low, allowing Saturn to come in with the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza.

JR: “HEY REF! THERE’S A THIRD MAN IN THE RING!” There has been a third man in the ring for the whole match Jim. Saturn was the fourth. Anyway, Eddie has to roll through the frog splash and gets caught with the pumphandle powerslam. That’s good for two after Test dispatches Saturn, followed by a big boot that so clearly misses Saturn that you can hear the fans’ non-reaction. Another big boot drops Eddie so Dean Malenko can run in for the save (seemed like he missed his spot, possibly because the aisle is so long). Test goes after him and it’s a belt shot to give Eddie the pin and the title at 8:03.

Rating: C-. Another match that could have been on Raw but was perfectly watchable for the most part. Eddie getting the title makes a lot more sense as Test wasn’t exactly a thrilling choice, though they took care of him a bit with all the interference that it took to get the title off of him. Not a good match or anything, but it’s not like it was anything atrocious.

Mick Foley promises to call the Vince vs. Shane street fight right down the line. Right here in Houston, Texas!

Austin arrives.

Ok so for those of you unfamiliar with this show, it might not have seemed great so far. The real show starts now.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

This has kind of an infamous build as they’re fighting because neither of them had anything else to do, as mentioned on Raw. In other words, “go out there and do your awesome stuff”. Angle insults the fans on the way to the ring, insisting that he has NEVER tapped out to Benoit. Oh and adults wearing cowboy hats look stupid. Amen brother. Heyman: “This is as excited as a man can get with his clothes on.” Thankfully the match starts so I can get that image out of my head.

Angle takes him down to start but Benoit gets on top before rolling away for a standoff, much to the fans’ appreciation. They go to the mat again with Angle trying to get to the leg but rolling into the ropes instead. The threat of a Crossface sends Angle bailing to the floor as it’s an even match so far. Back in and Angle takes him down again but the Crossface sends him straight back to the rope.

That’s enough for Angle, who forearms Benoit in the face and it’s time for a fight on the floor. Makes sense and that’s a great way to make Benoit look awesome. A very hard whip sends Benoit into the steps and a suplex gets two back inside. Since he’s rather good at analysis, Heyman points out that Angle is now cool with a pin instead of a submission, which is a bit of a concession to Benoit.

Angle snaps off some overhead belly to belly suplexes but eats a clothesline as JR and Heyman argue over the best amateur wrestlers ever. A snap suplex gives Benoit two and a superplex gets a delayed version of the same. You know Benoit can’t just two suplexes so we hit the rolling German suplexes, only to have the third reversed into the ankle lock (BIG reaction for that). Benoit reverses that into an ankle lock of his own so Angle kicks him in the head.

Now the Crossface goes on but Angle rolls into his own Crossface. After a foot on the rope is good for the save, Benoit grabs his own Crossface to make Angle tap but there’s no one to see it. The Angle Slam gets two and Kurt can’t believe it. Angle’s moonsault hits knees so Benoit connects with the Swan Dive for two more. You can feel the energy from the crowd on these near falls. Back up and Angle gets in a low blow, setting up a rollup with tights to pin Benoit at 14:04.

Rating: B+. That would be the first show stealing classic of the night with a sweet story of Angle wanting to prove that he’s the better wrestler but resulting to cheating while still being able to brag about the win. That’s also the kind of ending that can keep a feud going, which I guess I can survive if I absolutely have to. Great match, yet somehow not even close to their best.

William Regal goes into his office and finds Kamala, rubbing a picture of Queen Elizabeth on his stomach. I think this speaks for itself.

Clip of the Wrestlemania pep rally in Fort Hood, with various wrestlers getting plaques (Lita looks completely miserable), though Angle would rather have a medal. There was a parade and the boss got a WWF chair.

Angle insists that he was the better man tonight. Benoit comes in to make him tap again.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The Right to Censor wasn’t happy with Chyna posing for Playboy and tried to censor her, which included a spike piledriver to hurt Chyna’s neck. Chyna came back but got hurt again, only to come back again and come for the title here.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Chyna is defending and fires off a pyro gun from the stage for a cool entrance. Ivory gets in a belt shot to knock Chyna down and rains down forearms but a kick to the ribs is blocked and that’s about it. The champ gets thrown across the ring like she’s nothing and Chyna unloads in the corner. Some hard clotheslines (JR: “I guess we could call that a Chyna Line. Or maybe not.”) and a powerbomb have Ivory out cold but Chyna pulls her up at two. A gorilla press drop finishes Ivory instead, giving Chyna the title at 2:38. That’s exactly what this should have been and nothing more. Chyna would leave the company before losing the title.

Trish ensures Vince that she has doubled up Linda’s medication and will only bring her down when Shane is at his most vulnerable. Michael Cole, still the annoying interviewer, comes in and asks about the shocking development of Shane buying WCW. Vince: “You want shocking? Tonight, you’ll get shocking.” That’s a guarantee.

We recap Vince vs. Shane and egads there’s a lot to this one. So Vince was having a public affair with Trish and said that he wanted to divorce Linda, who had a nervous breakdown as a result. Vince put her in an institution and had her heavily medicated, basically leaving her as a vegetable (make your own jokes). Shane came back to stand up for his mom but Vince had him beaten down, getting in a great line with “I will never ever forgive your mother for giving birth to you”.

A street fight was set up with former Commissioner Mick Foley (as fired by Vince) pulling out a contract that he signed before being fired saying that he could referee the match. Then Shane bought WCW on Monday, making this the first battle in what should have been a years long promotional war. Got all that?

Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon

Street fight as required with Mick Foley refereeing. Shane comes out first and introduces the WCW stars in the skybox (Lance Storm, Stacy Keibler, Shawn Stasiak and Chavo Guerrero are visual). Apparently they were scheduled to do a run-in during the match but Stasiak spoiled the plans in an interview so this is all you get of them. Stephanie in a Daddy’s Girl jumpsuit, is here with Vince.

A slap to Shane’s face gets us going, even though Foley didn’t call for the bell. Vince chokes in the corner but Shane nails a clothesline and something close to a spear. Some elbows to the back draw Stephanie in for the save, plus a slap to Shane. Shane is smart enough to baseball slide Vince and hammer away instead of going after her, plus nailing a few shots to the back with a KEEP OFF sign. A clothesline from the barricade has Vince in trouble and Stephanie begging him to get up.

Shane hits him in the back with a kendo stick and follows with the punches, which look a lot better when Shane isn’t middle aged. A monitor to Vince’s head knocks him silly and Shane loads up the elbow off the top. One great looking dive and a Stephanie pull later leaves Shane crashing in a good landing. That’s enough for Trish to wheel Linda down, just as Vince instructed. Trish helps Vince up and then slaps him in the face, triggering the catfight with Stephanie (with the fans eating this up with a spoon).

Foley tries to break it up (like a gentleman….I think) so Stephanie slaps him too. Trish chases Stephanie up the aisle, with Stephanie doing the most overblown fall I can remember, with her arms flying into the air before she starts going down. She can’t look natural no matter what she does. The two of them leave and we cut back to Vince getting up and calling Linda a b****. Foley breaks that up so Vince chairs him down and puts Linda in the ring, sitting her in a chair in the corner.

Vince isn’t done and throws Shane inside, followed by a bunch of garbage cans. Some can shots to the head have the still near dead Shane in even more trouble. Vince loads up another shot…..and Linda stands up. The place actually goes nuts and the fans are literally on their feet, which you almost never see in wrestling. Shane points behind Vince, who turns around and gets kicked low. Foley comes back in and unloads on Vince, setting up the debut of Coast to Coast to give Shane the pin at 14:23.

Rating: C+. I’ve seen this show literally 100 or so times and I still smile at Linda kicking Vince. This was about five stories all coming together in the soap opera story of the show. It works really, really well with Linda of all people getting a crazy reaction. When the McMahons are on their game, they’re some of the most entertaining people in wrestling and that was the case here. It’s nothing from a quality standpoint, but from a soap opera car crash perspective, this was a blast and incredibly fun.

Yesterday at Axxess (which is rather dark and looks like nothing you would see today), the Hardys talked about how their feud with the Dudleys and Edge and Christian has to end with TLC II because it’s the most dangerous match in wrestling.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

The Dudleys are defending and it’s TLC II. I would recap the story, but it’s more or less “let them go nuts”. The entrances take some time and it’s a rare instance where you just know this is going to be incredible. Both sets of Boyz waste no time in jumping the Canadians as the fight is on in a hurry. Edge and Christian are sent outside, leaving the Hardys to take over with a double Poetry in Motion.

Not wanting to waste time, Edge and Christian bring in a ladder to drop everyone. Just to make it a little personal, they also stand on Matt’s crotch in the corner. Jeff gets drop toeholded face first into an open chair but it’s way too early for Edge to climb the ladder. A clothesline takes Matt off the ladder (which falls as well), leaving Jeff to dropkick Edge down as well. The Hardys set up a pair of ladders and drop Christian, setting up a legdrop/splash combination off said ladders for the first high spot.

The Dudleys come back in for What’s Up on Edge and let’s get some tables. Bubba powerbombs Jeff through Edge through a table and it’s time to set up four tables (two on top of two) outside. There’s no way that’s going to end well. Back in and Bubba SMACKS Matt in the head with a ladder, drawing a well deserved gasp from the crowd.

Three ladders are set up and all six climb, with Christian and Matt falling to one side (Christian just vanishes over the top and down onto the floor in an underrated bump), Jeff and D-Von falling to the other (and hitting the ropes) and Bubba and Edge knocking each other off to fall backwards. With all six down and one ladder left, here’s Spike Dudley (returning from injury) for a Dudley Dog to Edge off said ladder. Another one off the apron sends Christian through a table at ringside but here’s Rhyno (also taken out recently) to stop Jeff from going up.

Back to back Gores put Bubba and Matt down and Rhyno points Edge up a ladder. Now it’s Lita (Gored by Rhyno last week) coming in and “jerking Edge off” according to JR to bring him down from a ladder. There’s a hurricanrana to Rhyno and Spike chairs him into a ladder to knock Edge off. A Doomsday Device hits Rhyno and Lita cracks Spike in the head with a chair. Lita takes her top off but walks into the 3D, leaving Edge and Christian to chair the Dudleys down.

Edge sends Christian outside to get the big ladder, but you can’t have one of those with Jeff around. Jeff takes out Christian and climbs up the ladder (which is standing on the floor and equally as tall as the ones in the ring) for a huge Swanton onto Spike and Rhyno through a pair of tables. Well actually entirely through Spike as Rhyno was just grazed and his table didn’t even break. Edge brings the big ladder in and sets it up in front of three regular sized ladders.

Christian and D-Von go up the big one but Matt (“HERE WE GO!”) moves it from underneath them, leaving them hanging from the ring. They both fall so Jeff climbs up onto the regular ladders and tries to walk a tightrope to get to the titles but one of the ladders comes down. Instead he climbs a regular ladder and grabs the belt but Bubba takes the ladder away, leaving Edge to climb the big ladder for the highlight reel spear that made him look like even more of a star than he already did.

Two things about that spot: first of all, Jeff’s feet were caught in the ladder that Bubba moved so he swung forward into the spear to make it look even better. Second: a fan asked Edge if he was scared doing that in rehearsal. Edge: “YOU THINK WE DID THAT MORE THAN ONCE???”

As soon as we’re done with the replay, Rhyno shoves Bubba and Matt off the big ladder and through the four tables at ringside for the amazing crash. D-Von and Christian go up this time but Edge grabs D-Von and Rhyno gives Christian a boost to pull down the titles at 15:42. Edge and Christian clutching the titles and looking shell shocked is a great bonus.

Rating: A+. This was magnificent and it really does amaze me how structured they make this feel. They built things up over the course of this match with the fighting to start and then a few big spots, followed by the interference and then the sequence of show stealing spots (Jeff’s Swanton, the spear and the huge crash) to wrap it up. They managed to tell a story with what should just be a car crash match and that’s one of the most impressive things about this whole series. This is incredible and the best team ladder match ever, bar absolutely none.

Video on Axxess. This video was a big reason that I wanted to go to Wrestlemania, though this version looks WAY more fun than what you actually get, mainly due to the crazy long lines.

Heyman applauds TLC II. As he should.

Howard Finkel announces the new attendance record of 67,925.

Gimmick Battle Royal

Luke, Butch, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink the Clown, Kamala, Kim Chee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter

Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan are out for commentary, which is suddenly a lot sadder. If nothing else, it’s so satisfying to hear Heenan’s healthy voice before the cancer took away its greatness. This is one of the first nostalgia matches the company did n this kind of a stage and my goodness it still feels amazing. It also comes at the right time on the show as they needed to take a little breather after what we just saw.

Doink gets a nice reaction while Hillbilly Jim (who looks like he hasn’t aged a day) gets a VERY nice reaction, mainly because it’s such a fun gimmick. Hayes gets a big reaction, both from the fans and Heenan. Gang was supposed to be Akeem but couldn’t fit in the costume. Gene sounds like he has a nightmare about the Gooker, and yes we get the video of his debut. Repo Man is thrown out almost immediately and the Gooker is out second. Heenan: “This looks like a riot at Let’s Make A Deal!”

Tugboat is tossed as well and Kamala tosses Earthquake, who Gene almost calls by his real name. Kamala eliminates Kim Chee (what loyalty) and Luke is out next. Cornette is out (he and Love had agreed to stay in the corner and lightly hit each other but kept messing up and wound up injuring each other in mistakes straight out of the Three Stooges) and Droese follows him as you might be able to tell that this isn’t about the actual wrestling.

Goon and Volkoff go out next and Doink eliminates Butch. Kamala tosses Doink (and gets booed out of the building), with Hayes, Gang and Kamala going out as well. We’re down to Love, Sheik, Hillbilly and Slaughter but before I can even write those names, Sheik dumps Hillbilly to win at 3:05, mainly because he was too frail to be tossed out.

Rating: A. Consider the reason for the match and you’ll get why the rating makes sense. The match itself lasted just over three minutes while the entrances took 10:28. The entire point of this was to let these guys have one last entrance on the big stage and give the fans a nostalgia trip, which worked perfectly well. I had a good time here and it’s great way to let things lighten up a bit before we get to the last two matches.

Post match Slaughter comes in and gives Sheik the Cobra Clutch to stand tall one more time.

We recap Undertaker vs. HHH. After beating Austin two straight falls at No Way Out, HHH said he had beaten everyone there was to beat. Undertaker came out and said HHH had never beaten him. HHH jumped Undertaker and choked him with a chair (HHH: “You’re the guy that makes people famous. I’m already famous. I’m famous for crippling people.”) so Undertaker beat up his limo with a pipe.

HHH came back with a restraining order keeping Undertaker from Stephanie, so Undertaker had Kane kidnap Stephanie and threaten to throw her off a balcony until the match was made. Not yet done, HHH even destroyed Undertaker’s motorcycle with a sledgehammer. You can feel the hatred here and that’s the kind of video where WWE excels.

HHH vs. Undertaker

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring in one of the all time great entrances, especially with a wide shot of the entrance and a shadowed HHH stepping out and posing to show just how grand the stage really is. Undertaker rides the motorcycle down the long ramp with more speed than you’ll ever see on a wrestling show for a nowhere near as cool (yet still cool) visual. Oh and as a Network bonus: Rollin is still used as the theme rather than the bizarre times where they dub in the Ministry theme.

The fight is on in a hurry on the floor and HHH is knocked through the makeshift Spanish announcers’ table. They get in for the opening bell, with JR mentioning Undertaker being 8-0 at Wrestlemania. The fact that we weren’t even halfway to the first loss is really incredible and makes the already other worldly Streak all the more impressive. A big backdrop has HHH in trouble and a running clothesline in the corner rocks him again. There’s a running powerslam (which I don’t ever remember Undertaker using otherwise) but an elbow misses.

Old School (Is it Old School all the way back in 2001?) is broken up with a pull off the top, which is fair enough as Undertaker was just standing there. HHH elbows him in the back of the head and gets in another to the chest, setting up a neckbreaker for three straight two’s. The yelling at the referee lets Undertaker fire off the punches to the ribs but walks into the facebuster. The sledgehammer is brought in but the referee takes it away. Undertaker has to counter the Pedigree and the referee gets bumped in the corner.

A chokeslam gives HHH two and he’s not happy with the slow count, meaning it’s a beatdown on the referee. Well a kick and elbow drop to the back but for a referee that’s a heck of a beating. Undertaker throws HHH over the corner and takes it outside with HHH being backdropped over the barricade. They fight up to the technical area with Undertaker hammering away and tossing HHH up to a higher level.

HHH finds a chair though and destroys Undertaker with about nine shots about the head and knee. Too much posing takes too much time though and Undertaker is back up with a chokeslam off the tower for an awesome visual (I miss flashbulbs in wrestling). Undertaker isn’t done though as he climbs onto the barricade and drops a very big elbow onto HHH (revealing that he landed on a crash pad, taking away a lot of the impressiveness).

The medics get beaten up and they head back to the ring, where the referee is still down, about seven minutes after he was kicked and elbowed. Back in the ring and Undertaker grabs the sledgehammer but gets low blowed to save HHH’s life. Undertaker kicks the hammer out of HHH’s hands and the slugout is on. HHH tries a Tombstone but gets reversed into the real thing for no count, because the referee hasn’t moved in TEN MINUTES.

Undertaker finally goes over and shakes him before calling for the Last Ride. It’s not well placed though as HHH grabs the hammer and nails Undertaker in the head to counter….for two, in a great near fall (these two are great at those). Undertaker is busted open so HHH hammers away in the corner and it’s the Last Ride (I believe the debut of that counter so it’s not even a cliché yet) for the pin at 18:19.

Rating: A. Sweet goodness I love this match as they beat the heck out of each other because they wanted revenge. That’s how you do a match like this and there was nothing overly cowardly from HHH for a change. They were testing each other throughout the match and that made for a heck of a fight, which is all you could ask for. Well that and some better medical care for the referee. This one holds up very, very well and I like it better than their second Wrestlemania match at XXVII. Check this one out if you haven’t seen it in a long time, or even if you have because it’s that good.

And in case we haven’t had enough greatness on this show, there’s this left.

We recap Steve Austin vs. the Rock with the legendary My Way video. Austin was out for about a year with neck surgery and Rock became the biggest star in the world in his absence. Austin is back and won the Royal Rumble, with Rock winning the WWF Title the next month to set up the showdown of showdowns.

This turned into a game of oneupsmanship with the two of them using their own moves against each other and beating the heck out of each other over and over. You knew this was going to be special because the energy was right there in front of your eyes. The final exchange is perfect too. Rock: “You are going to get the absolute best of the Rock at Wrestlemania.” Austin: “I need to beat you Rock. I need it more than anything that you can ever imagine. There can be only one World Wrestling Federation Champion, and that will be Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin.” Do you need anything else?

Well you certainly didn’t need the ridiculous Debra involvement (Austin’s wife, who Vince had managing the Rock), which thankfully isn’t brought up or referenced in any significant way outside of the video because it was a bad idea that didn’t help anything. It would have dragged things down, and thankfully it’s just not here.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Austin is challenging and it’s No DQ, announced just before the entrances. Austin’s entrance still gives me chills as it’s one of the best of all time as he’s reached a level of popularity in Texas (or anywhere for that matter) that is unmatched anywhere. Throw in JR’s incredible commentary (as only he could do) and a camera shot of Austin walking up to the second rope for the pose with all the flashbulbs going off and the camera zooming out to show all the people) and it’s hard to ever top. Rock….isn’t that popular here, but you had to know that was coming.

Austin’s “are you kidding me” look up at Rock as he poses is great and the fight is on as soon as Rock comes down. An early belt shot misses Rock so it’s the Thesz press and middle finger elbow as they start fast. Rock grabs a swinging neckbreaker but it’s too early for the Rock Bottom. The Stunner can’t hit for either of them so Austin throws him over the top rope as we’re not even a minute in yet. They head into the crowd with Rock getting the better of it and bringing it back to ringside. A clothesline takes Rock down but Austin has to adjust his knee brace.

The running crotch attack to the back gets two and a superplex keeps Rock in trouble. The turnbuckle pad is taken off but Rock nails a clothesline and they fight outside again. Austin gets sent into the ring bell but comes right back up with a bell shot for a knockdown. The bloody Rock is sent through the announcers’ table (a running theme tonight) and it’s back inside for more right hands. Rock’s comeback is booed so Austin gets in his own swinging neckbreaker to get the fans back, plus a two count as a bonus.

Stomping and choking in the corner has Rock in even more trouble but Austin stops to yell at the referee, allowing Rock to charge out of the corner with the hard clothesline. There’s a middle finger to Austin and he goes face first into the buckle. Instead of covering, Rock brings in the bell and clocks Austin (more booing) to bust him open for two. Right hands knock Austin outside but he drops Rock onto the barricade.

The catapult sends Rock into the post for that always awesome bump where he spins sideways. A monitor to the head gives Austin two but the Stunner is countered into the Sharpshooter for a Wrestlemania XIII callback. The hold is finally broken, though Austin comes up holding his knee. A rake to the eyes gets Austin out of a second attempt and he slaps on a Sharpshooter of his own.

Rock powers out as well so Austin puts it on again (makes sense) but a rope is grabbed. It’s not clear why Austin lets go, or why the referee makes him let go, but that’s been a problem for years. With nothing else working, Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream. Rock climbs the rope and flips back into a cradle for two, forcing the break in a callback to Survivor Series 1996. Rock’s Stunner drops Austin for a very delayed near fall…and here’s Vince McMahon.

Austin’s whip spinebuster gives him two more and frustration sets in even deeper. Rock gets a spinebuster of his own and there’s the People’s Elbow but Vince breaks up the cover. Shockingly enough Rock isn’t happy and chases the rather spry Vince, right into a Rock Bottom from Austin for two more. The ref gets bumped (not sure why it’s necessary in a No DQ match) and Austin hits Rock low. Austin tells Vince to bring in a chair and the boss gets in a shot to Rock’s head, with Vince throwing the referee in for the two count.

A quick Rock Bottom gets Rock a breather but he has to drag Vince inside instead of covering. Another Stunner gets another two so Vince hands him a chair for a heck of a shot to the head. That’s another two and the fans are cheering for the kickouts. Austin has had it and DESTROYS Rock with an insane sixteen straight chair shots for the pin and the title at 28:06 to a monster pop.

Rating: A+. It’s Austin vs. the Rock on the biggest stage imaginable. What else could you ask for from something like this? As Meltzer said, if they could have been in AT&T Stadium with 100,000 people, they would have sold that out too. This is the definition of the main event and an all time major match and the two huge stars delivered. It’s everything of an awesome fight mixed with great drama and the work living up to the hype. I can’t praise it enough and yes it more than holds up.

Post match Vince and Austin shake hands, officially ending the Attitude Era. Of note: Vince told Austin before the match that if he wasn’t feeling it, he could Stun Vince and they would figure it out the next day. That’s some incredible control to give a wrestler but Austin didn’t go with it. He did however say this was a bad idea in retrospect. Austin and Vince share a beer over Rock’s body and it’s one more belt shot to Rock to wrap things up as JR wants answers.

The long highlight package ends the show with My Way playing us out. Oh and one more thing. The song talks about how someone wants one more fight and then he’ll do things someone’s way. So, after three years, Vince could say to Austin that’s finally doing things…..“my way.” If that’s what they were going for, I need to buy a hat and take it off for them because that’s outstanding.

Overall Rating: A+. As Bradshaw said in his speech: “It’s Wrestlemania.” Throw in a XVII and you really don’t need to say much else about this show. There’s a reason it’s so revered, with the incredible combination of TLC II and Austin Rock II, somehow leaving instant classics like Benoit vs. Angle and Undertaker HHH as distant thirds and fourths. It’s pretty easily the best show ever with the energy off the charts, a can’t miss cards and the historic ending. I mean…it’s X7. I think that sums it up as well as anything else I can say so stop reading this and go watch it again.

Ratings Comparison

Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

2019 Redo: B-

Right to Censor vs. Tazz/A.P.A.

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: D+

Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

2019 Redo: C+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: C-

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: A-

2019 Redo: B+

Chyna vs. Ivory

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

2019 Redo: N/A

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: C+

2019 Redo: C+

Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A+

Gimmick Battle Royal

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: A

2019 Redo: A

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

2019 Redo: A

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A++

2015 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A+

I think I’m done with this one as the ratings are barely changing every time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/24/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-17-oh-yes/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/26/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvii-the-greatest-show-of-all-time/

And the 2015 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvii-2015-redo-see-the-previous-comment/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XV
Date: March 28, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 20,276
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Outside of the main event, we have the stable war (a Russo staple) between McMahon’s Corporation and the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness. The big match in the feud here is a Hell in a Cell match between Undertaker and Big Boss Man which is going to be even worse than it sounds. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show will be replaced by Sunday Night Heat, the regular Sunday night show, for the next several years.

Sunday Night Heat: Ivory vs. Jacqueline

Ivory is a manager who could wrestle as well and Jacqueline is a member of the Pretty Mean Sisters. There’s no subtlety here: Ivory is wrestling in a bikini. Fellow PMS member Terri Runnels (formerly known as Marlena) sits in on commentary to rip on Ivory’s attire. Jacqueline jumps her to start but Ivory knocks her into the corner, only to have Jacqueline complain of a thumb to the eye. A belly to back suplex gives Jacqueline the pin out of nowhere at 1:24. That sounds like an injury stoppage.

Terri puts her cigar out in Ivory’s face post match.

Sunday Night Heat: Battle Royal

Bradshaw, Faarooq, Droz, Godfather, Steve Blackman, Brian Christopher, Scott Taylor, Test, Hawk, Animal, 8-Ball, Skull, Gillberg, D’Lo Brown, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Mideon, Tiger Ali Singh, Viscera, Rocco Rock, Johnny Grunge

Most of the names you might not recognize here aren’t important enough to identify. The idea here is that the final two men in the match will receive a Tag Team Title shot during the pay per view. That’s how bad the division is at this point: they can’t even have a regular team challenge for the belts, even when there are multiple regular teams in this match. Tag Team Champions Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett sit in on commentary.

Everyone goes after Rock and Grunge (a famous ECW tag team known as Public Enemy and therefore the crowd favorites) and put them out in about five seconds. A group of people get rid of Viscera (the giant formerly known as Mabel) but he pulls Gillberg out to make himself feel better. Animal, Skull and 8-Ball are put out and Hawk (with a full head of hair) goes out as well. Taylor is eliminated as Owen and Jarrett actually play some favorites for a change.

Singh eliminates Faarooq in a big upset, only to be thrown out a few seconds later. Both Hardys (they don’t mean much yet) follow him out and Mideon (formerly Phineas Godwinn, now part of the Ministry) is out a few seconds later. There goes Christopher and there’s nothing going on between these eliminations. Blackman and Bradshaw go out together, leaving us with Godfather, Droz, Test and Brown. Droz and Godfather go out together as well, leaving Test and Brown as the winners at 4:16.

Rating: F. A twenty one man battle royal that doesn’t even make four and a half minutes? Normally I would be thrilled but this was so fast paced that it was barely even a match. Test and Brown winning shows the booking style of Russo very well as they have no connection to each other and now they’re the #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles on the biggest show of the year.

Boyz II Men sing America the Beautiful.

The opening video is narrated by the legendary Freddie Blassie and talks about how these men will be legends like the gods of ancient Greece and cause a variety of emotions but they’ll never let us forget them. Tonight is their night. Welcome to Wrestlemania: the showcase of the immortals. Outstanding.

The set is unique this year as it’s the Wrestlemania logo (the word Wrestle over the word Mania with XV behind it) and nothing else.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn

So here’s another brilliant Russo idea. For weeks leading up to this, Gunn’s partner Road Dogg had been in a three way feud for the Hardcore Title with Snow (a crazy man who happens to be a great technical wrestler) and Holly (formerly Bob). At the same time, Gunn was in a four way feud for the Intercontinental Title which we’ll get to later.

Then the decision was made to swap Dogg into the Intercontinental Title feud and Gunn into the Hardcore Title feud (with Gunn winning the title and defending here), thereby giving the champions no reason to feud with their challengers and taking away the logical payoffs. Welcome to Wrestlemania XV and it’s downhill from here.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be in this match) and they all head to the floor. Snow sends Gunn knees first into the steps for a great flipping crash, leaving the real hardcore guys to fight up the aisle. Gunn is back up to stomp both guys down but Snow comes back with a hockey stick (fans: “LET’S GO FLYERS!”). They head inside again and Snow starts channeling Steve Blackman’s martial arts demonstrations by swinging around a piece of a broken broom.

Snow uses a chair as a launch pad to slam into Gunn, drawing an ECW chant in the process. Now it’s time for Snow to clean house with Head (a mannequin head that talked to him. Just go with it and move along.) and here’s a table in the corner. The champ gets back up and throws Al through the table (wrestling law #3: if you set up a table, you’re going through it.). The Fameasser takes Snow down again but Holly hits Billy in the back with a chair and steals the pin and the title at 7:07.

Rating: D. Just as I said: there’s no reason for this match to be happening and Gunn was out of his element. Dogg, Holly and Snow had built up a fun feud over the Hardcore Title with creative spots and weapons, but Gunn was just a guy hitting people with stuff and then doing his regular moves. It took away the logical payoff for the sake of surprise and that’s rarely a good thing with this match as an example.

Merchandise plug.

Tag Team Titles: D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Brown (with Ivory, sporting a bandage from the cigar attack on Heat) and Test (part of the Corporation) are challenging of course. Debra has Lawler and Cole drooling in a bikini and sport coat. It’s a mess to start until Brown runs Jeff over a few times. Test and Owen are quickly in with Brown having to break up the Sharpshooter attempt.

That ticks Test off for some reason so D’Lo comes in, only to eat a spinwheel kick from Owen. Test: “OPEN YOUR EYES!” Brown comes back with a double clothesline and a short powerbomb (not quite the Low Down) for two on Jeff. Everything breaks down and the girls start fighting, allowing Owen to sneak in with a missile dropkick to pin Brown at 3:58.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t bad but again: what was the point? This is Wrestlemania, not some house show that no one is going to see. Brown and Test never had any major interactions after this, making this even more worthless. Owen and Jarrett were a decent enough team but they desperately needed opponents. Like say Mideon/Viscera, the Acolytes, the Hardy Boyz, Too Cool etc. As in the other teams in the battle royal but why do that when you can have a random team that makes no sense?

We recap Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn in a Brawl For All match. So back in 1998, the WWF lost its mind and decided to have a shoot toughman competition which was designed to be won by Dr. Death Steve Williams, a legitimate brawler and the Brock Lesnar of the 1980s. However, Bart Gunn shocked the world (or no one who knew his background as a toughman fighter but why pay attention to something like that) and won the thing.

That’s not what the company wanted though, so they put him on the shelf for a few months and gave us this as a payoff. Keep in mind that several competitors were injured during the tournament and missed significant time, including some people who never appeared for the company again. Butterbean is a legitimate professional boxer who weighs about 400lbs and this is a shoot fight. It’s billed as a Brawl For All which had an overly complicated points system but I don’t think it’s going to matter.

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Professional boxer Vinny Pazienza is guest referee. Boxing trainer Kevin Rooney, former boxer Chuck Wepner (the inspiration for Rocky Balboa) and Gorilla Monsoon (very sick here and a few months away from death) are the guest judges. Butterbean caves Bart’s face in before Lawler can make his prediction but Bart gets up….only to take one of the best looking right hands to the face that you’ll ever see. Bart is out before he crashes onto the ropes and then the mat to end this at 37 seconds. Again: shoot match against a professional, making this the biggest waste of a potential payoff.

Since this took about two minutes all together, the San Diego Chicken (sports mascot) shows up to annoy Pazienza, who knocks him out with one punch.

Mankind and “The Big Show” Paul Wight brawled on Heat earlier tonight.

Mankind promises to beat up Big Show again.

Paul Wight vs. Mankind

The winner is guest referee in the main event and Mankind comes out in a white shirt with referee stripes spray painted on. There’s actually a backstory here as Show, a Corporation member, chokeslammed Mankind to cost him the WWF World Title last month. Mankind goes right after him to start and is quickly sent to the floor. That’s fine with Mankind though as he sends Big Show head first into the steps, only to be rammed into them a few seconds later.

Back in and it’s time for the giant to slowly hammer away but the Mandible Claw (with Mr. Socko) puts him in trouble. A low blow puts Show on his knees but the Claw can’t get him down. He even stands up and falls backwards onto Mankind, crushing his ribs in a sick looking landing. Show grabs some chairs to drive into Mankind’s ribs before setting them up in the middle of the ring. A big chokeslam puts Mankind through both chairs and that’s a DQ (FINALLY) at 6:48.

Rating: D. Again this felt like a lame Raw main event instead of what should have been a big Wrestlemania match. Also, you might expect a match with a former World Champion and a monster who had been involved in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago might break eight minutes but it really didn’t get close. Only in 1999, because no one else would think this was a smart idea.

Mankind is now guest referee so Vince comes out, for some reason on a very quiet wireless microphone. He yells at Show for screwing up the plan and almost gets chokeslammed. Always one to push his luck, Vince slaps him in the face and gets punched in the jaw. Again, this really does feel like a Raw segment. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco (Vince’s goons) come out to carry Vince to the back as Mankind is stretchered out. Will he be able to referee tonight? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT, because they’re doing an angle that will be paid off in less than two hours.

Once in the back, Vince wants Show arrested for assault in ANOTHER angle on this show.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Here’s the other half of the midcard title swap. So Shamrock has a good looking sister named Ryan, who Billy Gunn hit on. That ticked Ken off so he beat Gunn up and feuded with him over Shamrock’s Intercontinental Title. Venis then won both Ryan and the title with Gunn acting as guest referee (another Russo trope) and counting the pin.

Then Venis dumped Ryan so she hooked up with Goldust. Road Dogg won the Intercontinental Title from Venis and took Billy’s place in the announced four way elimination title match at Wrestlemania. So Shamrock wants to beat up Venis and Goldust for going after his sister, Goldust wants the title, Venis has been fighting all of them and wants his title back and Road Dogg is defending. Oh and Goldust’s other lackey the Blue Meanie (comedy goof) is jealous of Goldust for giving Ryan so much attention. Got all that?

Shamrock whips Dogg around the ring to start but the champ dropkicks him in the face and tags in Goldust, who gets to face Venis. The announcers talk about the fake tournament for the first Intercontinental Title as Venis flips out of the Curtain Call (Goldust needs to find a new finisher already), only to get dropped again. Meanie yells at Ryan as Venis gets two off a top rope bulldog and a fisherman’s suplex.

Venis falls head first into a low blow but Dogg comes in with a DDT to Val for no apparent reason. It’s off to Dogg legally for the Shake Rattle and Roll (some dancing punches, not the neckbreaker) to Val. He celebrates a bit too much though and gets suplexed down for two. That earns Venis an ankle lock from Shamrock but Val holds on for a LONG time and eventually sends Shamrock outside.

Ryan yells at her brother until Venis goes outside for a brawl and a double countout. Ken comes back in and suplexes Dogg and Goldust to leave both guys laying. This gives me a chance to point out how stupid this is considering they have no issues, making this yet another bad decision. Back up and Ryan trips Goldust by mistake (allegedly, as Dogg was nowhere near Goldust), allowing Dogg to roll through a powerslam attempt for the pin to retain at 9:54.

Rating: D+. The match was ok enough but the stories are such a mess/non-existent that I spent most of the time trying to figure out if I liked this or not. The match wouldn’t have been much better if they hadn’t swapped the Outlaws but at least it would have made sense. Oh and to make it better: Goldust beat Dogg for the title the next night on Raw because that show is more important than this one.

Goldust rips into Ryan post match.

Big Show is arrested.

We recap HHH vs. Kane. Chyna had turned on the now good DX to hook up with Kane but Kane accidentally hit her with a fireball. HHH stood up for Chyna by dressing up like Goldust and using a freaking flamethrower to burn Kane, causing flashbacks to the fire that burned Kane as a child. You might think they’re overdoing it here, but this is tame compared to what’s coming.

HHH vs. Kane

Before the match, the San Diego Chicken attacks Kane. This goes badly, because it’s PETE ROSE again, who takes his second Tombstone in two years. HHH is smart enough to sneak in through the crowd to low blow Kane and we start fast. They did a good job of covering it up too as HHH’s pyro equipment was in the ring. That’s a nice little touch that you wouldn’t get today.

They head outside and Kane clotheslines the post by mistake, followed by a whip into the steps. Back in and Kane boots HHH in the face before throwing him out to the floor. Cole: “Like a sack of potatoes.” Lawler: “I don’t think you can throw a sack of potatoes that far.” So HHH is easier to throw than a sack of potatoes?

HHH’s back is rammed into the post a few times and Kane slows things down to his normal pace. A legdrop (called a foot across the sternum by Cole) looks to set up the top rope clothesline but HHH pulls him down out of desperation. The jumping knee to the face drops Kane (he’s softened up a lot in the last year) and here’s Chyna.

The Pedigree is countered and both guys are down so Chyna slides the stairs into the ring. Kane picks them up but HHH kicks them into his face and drop toeholds Kane face first into the steel. HHH can’t hit the Pedigree onto the steps and Kane plants him with the chokeslam. Chyna gets on the apron with a chair though….and hits Kane for the DQ to rejoin HHH at 11:33.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here and probably the best the two of them have ever had, which isn’t the biggest bar to reach. It’s really weird to see Kane fall this far in just a year but at least the HHH and Chyna reunion was a cool moment. You would have expected some fire to be involved here but it’s very refreshing to just have a match instead.

HHH lays Kane out with the chair and a Pedigree post match before officially reuniting with Chyna to a big pop.

Vince says he’ll referee the main event.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

Sable, now a heel after basically having gone Hollywood, is defending. Tori (not Torrie Wilson) was a crazed fan who wound up getting a title shot because this division was weaker than the tag teams. For reasons that aren’t clear, Tori is in a Giant Gonzalez style body suit, minus the fur at least. Sable won’t let her get in to start so Tori pulls her to the floor and sends the champ into the apron.

A cross body off the apron mostly misses as Lawler wants to see Sable’s grind dance. He gets his wish but Tori clotheslines her down and hits some of the worst forearms I’ve seen in years. Tori only mostly screws up a sunset flip out of the corner for two. The referee gets bumped which is probably much better than trying to have a regular match here. Cue a monster named Nicole Bass to lay out Tori with a gorilla press, followed by the Sable Bomb to retain the title at 5:01.

Rating: F. There’s no way around this one as neither of them had any business being in there and it showed badly. Sable turning heel was a horrible idea as she fell down the card and was gone in just a few months due to a lot of backstage issues. Tori found her calling as a valet who thankfully almost never wrestled and after this disaster I couldn’t be more thankful. Bass never did anything other than lame comedy.

Video on Shane McMahon with the Mean Street Posse (Shane’s goofy friends) talking about how tough Shane was growing up in Greenwich, Connecticut. This was actually funny.

DX says they’re reunited and X-Pac (formerly the 1-2-3 Kid) is getting the European Title back. Shane McMahon (Vince’s incredibly athletic son) started going after X-Pac and eventually stole the title from him in a tag match. This is the one on one rematch.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Shane is defending and has Test in his corner. Patterson and Brisco fail at attacking X-Pac during the entrances so Shane has to run. He celebrates over a leapfrog, earning him a kick to the face. Test saves Shane from the Bronco Buster and crotches X-Pac against the post as the Mean Street Posse watch from the front row. Back in and Shane hammers away but misses a Corporate Elbow.

Instead he whips X-Pac with a belt until a backdrop puts the champ on the floor. The Posse saves Shane but he gets crotched on the top rope, setting up a superplex for two. Shane distracts the referee in the corner so Test can take X-Pac’s head off with the European Title for a very close near fall. Now it’s Shane missing a Bronco Buster, drawing in Test for another save. Cue HHH and Chyna to even things up….before turning on X-Pac with a Pedigree, allowing Shane to retain at 8:43.

Rating: C-. This is a bit higher as Shane isn’t a wrestler. He’s still a very glorified rookie at this point and his athleticism was very impressive considering he was only wrestling on occasion. That being said, the story was just so stupid as Chyna turned face just half an hour ago, making the whole thing a total mess entirely designed around shock value instead of anything that made sense. On top of that Shane keeps the title, which he would vacate a week later. Therefore, X-Pac loses twice, doesn’t get his revenge, and gets laid out while a non-wrestler gets away with everything after everyone is confused by all the turns. Again: Russo.

Post match the Outlaws make the save until Kane comes out to chase HHH off. The Outlaws shout to Lawler that HHH is done. He would be done with the midcard at least as he would win his first WWF World Title in August.

We recap the Big Boss Man vs. Undertaker, which is just a side story of Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker has gone insane and has been stalking Vince’s family, even stealing a bear from Vince’s house (later revealed to belong to his daughter Stephanie, who hadn’t debuted yet) and lighting it on fire. This was part of a MUCH bigger conspiracy that involved secret deals, hidden alliances, Vince being an even bigger psycho than anyone ever knew, and so many plot holes that it was even harder to keep track of than anything else on this show. As for tonight though, Vince is throwing in the Boss Man to take care of Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Hell in a Cell. To give you an idea of where Undertaker is right now, here are some of the spoken words during his theme song: “Accept the lord of darkness as your savior. Allow the purity of evil to guide you.” Boss Man pounds away in the corner to start but Undertaker does the same to take over. Various shots put Undertaker down but he keeps sitting up. A double leg trip (in the Cell mind you) puts Boss Man on the floor and Undertaker rams him into the Cell a few times.

Boss Man pulls out some handcuffs to attach Undertaker to the Cell wall. Some nightstick shots break the cuffs though, making the whole thing a waste of time, like so many other things on this show. Undertaker is busted open but comes right back with chair shots to take over, busting Boss Man open in the process. Back in and Undertaker keeps up the offense as we’re waiting on the inevitable. Old School is broken up and Boss Man gets in a few shots, only to walk into the Tombstone for the pin at 9:49.

Rating: F. The sign of a bad gimmick match is when you could do the exact same match without the gimmick being involved. There’s no reason for this to be the Cell as it could have easily been done in a regular cage match instead. It didn’t help that the ending was obvious from the second the match was announced. In addition to the Boss Man being little more than a workout for Undertaker, they had already made it clear that this story was nowhere near being over, which isn’t the spot for a Cell match. Finally, a Cell match that doesn’t break ten minutes? That’s not acceptable.

Post match the Brood (Edge, Christian and Gangrel, a mini stable in the Undertaker’s Ministry of Darkness) drops from the ceiling onto the roof of the Cell so they can slip the Undertaker a noose. Undertaker wraps it around Boss Man’s neck and the Cell raises up to hang Boss Man in the middle of the arena.

As Undertaker’s music is playing: Cole: “It’s been a heck of a week in Philadelphia for Wrestlemania!”, and we go to a package on the Wrestlemania Rage Party. A MAN WAS JUST HUNG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND IS STILL ON THE VERGE OF DYING. WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT A WRESTLEMANIA PARTY???

Jim Ross makes his return from a bout of Bell’s Palsy to announce the main event. Ross tips his hat to Cole in a nice gesture.

Vince is guest referee, but Commissioner Shawn Michaels makes a surprise appearance with referee Mike Chioda. After complaining that he had to buy a ticket to get in, Shawn tells Vince that he has to pay attention to the rulebook. The rules clearly state that only one person can appoint a referee at Wrestlemania, and I think you can guess who that is. On top of that, the Corporation is barred from ringside and if Shawn sees any of them out here, he and Vince can have a fight of their own out back. This is another angle made and written off in less than two hours.

There’s no recap for Austin vs. Rock but it’s a simple story. Rock won the WWF World Title at Survivor Series 1998 by reaffirming his heel status (he had started turning good after Summerslam but never fully switched) as he was revealed as Vince’s corporate champion. Vince won the 1999 Royal Rumble but Austin wound up with the title shot when Vince forfeited the chance. As mentioned, this is really just the latest man that Vince is throwing at Austin as part of the real feud.

That’s what gave Vince vs. Austin such longevity: Austin could keep fighting fresh opponents because they were always Vince’s latest handpicked man. Instead of fighting one man, Austin was fighting a movement. This gave it the chance to go on far longer than a one on one feud and that’s exactly what Austin vs. Vince did.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

No DQ, Rock is defending and Austin comes out in a shirt due to forgetting his vest at home. This is also the Wrestlemania debut of the WWF World Title belt that debuted the night after Wrestlemania XIV. They immediately brawl to the floor to start and go into the crowd for the main event style brawl. No one can get an advantage so they fight up the aisle with Rock backdropping him knee first onto an electric light, only to be sent into the big Wrestlemania logo, making it sway in a bit of a scary moment.

The champ takes over again and spits water in Austin’s face, only to have Austin put him on the Spanish announcers’ table for an elbow. The table doesn’t break so Austin does it again to get the job done. That’s just the kind of guy he is. Now it’s Austin spitting water in Rock’s face and whipping him into the steps before they go inside for the first time in nearly ten minutes. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere gets two so it’s time for a chair.

As you might expect, the referee takes the hit instead, because this match has been entirely by the book until now. Rock uses the chair to stay on Austin’s knee and a big shot to the head gets two from a second referee. We hit the chinlock and see a replay showing Rock pulling the referee in front of the chair shot earlier on. Rock gets frustrated by a near fall so he Rock Bottoms the referee, only to walk into a Stunner for two from the third referee.

This brings out Vince for a distraction so Rock can hit a low blow. Vince punches out the referee and helps double team Austin until Mick Foley hobbles to the ring to be the fourth referee. The Thesz press takes Rock down but there’s another Rock Bottom. Rock misses the Corporate Elbow and the Stunner gives Austin the title back at 16:52. Vince looking like he’s about to cry is great.

Rating: B. It may not be the highest quality and it was more overbooked than it needed to be but it was certainly entertaining and the right kind of brawl these two needed to have. Austin winning is obvious (sign in the crowd for a lot of the match: “I bet Austin wins.”) and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s still good stuff and a very appropriate style brawl for this era. This would be forgotten later though due to their future Wrestlemania epics but this is quite good on its own.

A lot of beer is consumed, including some by Earl Hebner. JR: “He’s toasting a man who works for a living.” Vince swears at Austin and gets punched in the jaw. One more Stunner ends the show. It wouldn’t have felt right without it.

Highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. Oh this does not hold up well. Aside from the good main event, there is just WAY too much going on here with the show feeling more like Raw than a pay per view. They were booking angles that started and ended later in the show, despite the people having already paid for the show in the first place. This is definitely a show that worked better live with all the twists and turns but those really don’t hold up when you have time to look at them.

The biggest problem though is that aside from the main event, nothing feels important. You have the Tag Team Titles thrown together, the non-wrestler retaining the European Title, the midcard title merry go round and Chyna turning twice in half an hour. That’s certainly a lot of stuff happening, but how much of it is stuff that I actually want to see?

Above all else, the show moves too fast. Of the ten matches, only the main event and HHH vs. Kane break ten minutes. Nothing has a chance to sink in and that takes away a lot of the impact these matches and segments could have. Consider HHH reuniting with Chyna. Yeah it was a cool moment when it happened (albeit two months after they split in the first place) but they both turned half an hour later. How can I let either of them sink in when they happen so close together? If nothing else, it makes me wonder what they’re going to do next instead of thinking it’s over and the big finale for them on that night.

Overall, the problem here is one we’ve encountered before: it doesn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. Other than the main event, nothing feels important. Almost all of this stuff could have happened on any given episode of Raw and that’s just not right. It’s not a good Wrestlemania but there are worse ones out there. Not many of them of course but they do exist. Slow it down and give us some more important matches and the show improves a lot, but that’s a standard criticism of this era.

Ratings Comparison

Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn vs. Al Snow

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D

D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Original: F+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Mankind vs. Big Show

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Original: D

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Kane vs. HHH

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C

Tori vs. Sable

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Original: H (For holy goodness why was this a Cell match?)

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Individual ratings aside, it still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/22/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-15-this-is-the-best-they-can-do/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/24/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xv-russo-at-his-best/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XIV
Date: March 29, 1998
Location: Fleetcenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: Chris Warren

This is the first of the annual redos and it’s a show that is incredibly historic but doesn’t get the most attention. As you might remember, the main event is Steve Austin getting his shot against Shawn Michaels for the WWF Title, along with Kane vs. Undertaker for the first time ever. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the history of Wrestlemania and how tradition has been taken hostage by a new generation. These people are here to be the top stars and fight for the same title held by Andre, Hogan and Bruno. This year is destined to become a part of the history and somewhere, the father of Wrestlemania will revel in it as well.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Faarooq/Kama Mustafa, Savio Vega/Miguel Perez Jr., Jose Estrada Jr./Jesus Castillo, Truth Commission, Bradshaw/Chainz, New Midnight Express, Mark Henry/D’Lo Brown, Quebecers, LOD 2000, Rock N Roll Express, Headbangers, Too Much, Disciples Of Apocalypse, Steve Blackman/Flash Funk, Godwinns

For a future Tag Team Title shot and LOD 2000, with Sunny, are surprise entrants. If one member is eliminated, the entire team is gone. It’s a huge brawl to start (as it has to be) as JR tries to keep track of everyone involved. Vega is out, with Perez having to be helped to the back. Jim Cornette and Sunny argue on the floor as Kurrgan comes out to help eliminate the Truth Commission.

Cue Barry Windham (not in the match) to toss Chainz out and sure we’ll count that. Brown is eliminated and the Quebecers follow as the ring is clearing out a good bit. The Rock N Roll Express are out and Estrada/Castillo follow. The Headbangers are tossed as well, with JR wondering why Mark Henry is still in there despite his partner being tossed. Henry gets the message and leaves as Animal gets rid of Too Much.

We’re down to the Midnights, the LOD, the Disciples and the Godwinns as they didn’t waste time here. Things slow down a bit with Hawk shoulders Henry but Phineas is back up to get rid of the Disciples. Hold on though as the Disciples come back in to throw the Godwinns out, leaving us with two. Then the Godwinns get back in again and hit the LOD with their buckets. Animal is sent outside through the ropes but comes back in to make the save. Hawk hits a clothesline to get rid of Holly for the win at 8:21.

Rating: C-. This was nothing but a way for the LOD to come in with their new look and Sunny then run through some people for a win. There was almost no drama to this one and the stuff with the Godwinns seemed to be setting up something for the LOD going forward. Having the LOD come out for the return pop worked but a thirty man battle royal which took awhile to get through didn’t help.

We look at various media events to promote the show, including the DX public workout which almost went very badly due to Shawn Michaels being in quite the bad place.

Light Heavyweight Title: Taka Michinoku vs. Aguila

Michinoku is defending and Aguila would go on to be better known as Essa Rios. Aguila snaps off a headscissors and a spinwheel kick to send Taka outside. That means a baseball slide into a top rope moonsault (which JR calls an Asai moonsault) to take Taka out again. Back in and Taka dropkicks him to the floor for a change, setting up the always great looking top rope dive to the floor.

Back in again and Aguila sends him outside again, only to have Taka go up top. That’s fine with Aguila, who runs the corner and hits a top rope armdrag. A springboard armdrag and a very spinning wristdrag have Taka on the floor again, setting up the big corkscrew dive. JR is trying to keep up with this while Lawler has more or less given up.

Taka misses a moonsault back inside and gets planted for two before being sat up top. Aguila gets knocked down but Taka’s splash hits knees, allowing Aguila to hit a middle rope hurricanrana. A missile dropkick gets Taka out of trouble though and the sit out powerbomb plants Aguila again. Taka misses a middle rope moonsault, only to dropkick him out of the air. The Michinoku Driver retains the title at 5:59.

Rating: B-. It was a total popcorn match as they were all over the place with the high spots and as a result, it was rather entertaining. That being said, this felt like someone saw the cruiserweights in WCW and decided to do their own lower level version. That’s more or less exactly what this was, which is one of the reasons the division didn’t stick. Fun match, but it could have been on any given edition on Raw.

Gennifer Flowers interviewed the Rock earlier today, and asked how he would handle the homeless situation if he was leader. Rock prefers ruler, but the reality is that if those people stay off his lawn and in their boxes, he’s happy. As for the judicial system, as long as you realize he’s the judge and jury, everything is fine. Just remember that he would be a hung jury. Finally, he’s fine with running the White House as long as the interns underneath him do their, ahem, jobs. This was basically a celebrity serving Rock up some batting practice.

European Title: HHH vs. Owen Hart

HHH, with Chyna, is defending in one of the last bits of fallout from Montreal. Hart has a bad ankle coming in and Chyna is handcuffed to Commissioner Sgt. Slaughter. Hart slugs away to start and snaps off a hurricanrana for two, only to get elbowed in the jaw for his efforts. With Hart out on the floor, Chyna tries a right hand but gets pulled back by Slaughter, meaning HHH’s cheap shot doesn’t work either.

It’s way too early for a Sharpshooter back inside and HHH grabs the facebuster to take over. The jumping knee gets two and Lawler is literally screaming at HHH to go after the ankle. A DDT gets two before it’s FINALLY time to go after the ankle. HHH goes old school (yes even back then) with the spinning toehold, followed by an elbow onto the leg. More cranking on the leg in the corner has Owen in trouble but he’s able to come back with a belly to belly.

A spinwheel kick gives Hart two and he hits the enziguri, only to hurt the bad ankle again. The hurricanrana is countered with a hard powerbomb to give HHH two more as things slow down a bit. HHH puts him up top but gets shoved away, setting up a high crossbody for two. Owen falls head first into a low blow ala Sting (always works), sending Lawler into hysterics over the referee not calling a DQ. The Sharpshooter goes on but HHH makes the ropes. With the referee distracted, Chyna throws powder in Slaughter’s eyes and hits Hart low. That and the Pedigree are enough to retain the title at 11:28.

Rating: C+. This was good enough, though it’s far from the HHH that he would later become. The ending didn’t exactly keep Owen looking strong and that was pretty much the point of the match. Slaughter was barely a factor here, but that is the summation of his time as Commissioner: a grand total of nothing and it was nice to see him go away.

Post match Chyna beats up Slaughter.

We recap Sable/Marc Mero vs. Luna Vachon/The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. In short, Sable is a star, Mero doesn’t like it, Luna and Goldust tried to do something about it and Mero came to her defense. Or the more realistic version: Sable, Sable, Sable, Sable, Sable, Sable and Sable. Er wait, putting “and” in front of her might suggest that Sable isn’t important and we can’t have that.

Marc Mero/Sable vs. Luna Vachon/The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Goldust takes Mero into the corner to start but gets caught with a running headscissors. The women come in but Luna immediately tags back out, leaving Sable to superkick (ok not so super) Goldust. Mero comes back in and is quickly clotheslined down as Lawler wants to know why Luna won’t fight Sable.

The villains take over on Mero, who manages a boot in the corner to put Goldust down. Luna gets the tag and so does Sable, which seems rather unnecessary due to the rules. Sable cleans house in the traditional catfighting style but does throw in some kicks in the corner. A clothesline puts Luna on the floor and it’s back to Goldust, who gets sent into the steps. Back in and the TKO is countered into a DDT to give Goldust two as things slow down again.

Mero knee lifts his way to freedom and a springboard moonsault press (which BARELY rotates enough) gives him two. This time it’s Goldust going up top but getting crotched right back down. A super hurricanrana sets up the TKO for two, with Luna making the save. Sable tags herself in and covers Goldust (as the rules are all over the place here) but has to avoid Luna’s top rope splash. Sable powerbombs Luna for two before avoiding a charge against the ropes. The TKO gives Sable the pin at 9:08.

Rating: C-. I know it’s been said to death, but simply put, Sable just wasn’t very good. She was there because of how she looked in gear and she knew how to sell a shirt, but those are the high points of her talent. The other three were trying, but this was all about Sable and everyone could tell from the second the match was announced.

Tennessee Lee (better known as Robert Fuller/Colonel Robert Parker) brings out Jeff Jarrett with Gennifer Flowers, the latter of whom is guest ring announcer for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

The Rock, with the Nation of Domination, is defending. Shamrock has been wanting the title and Rock gave him one heck of a scary chair shot to the face. Rock also accidentally hit Nation leader Faarooq, which seems to bode badly for him. They start fast as JR says this is for the European Title. Shamrock kicks him in the chest to start and they go to the floor, with Rock staggering near the technical equipment.

Back in and Shamrock strikes him down again before bouncing Rock’s head against the mat. They go back outside with Rock managing a whip into the steps for a much needed breather. That sets up the not quite People’s Elbow for two but Shamrock sends him outside again. The chair is loaded up but the referee grabs it, earning him a shove from Shamrock. Rock grabs said chair for a shot to the head for a near fall as the referee is back up. Shamrock unloads on Rock and belly to belly suplexes him into the ankle lock for the tap/the title at 4:49.

Rating: C. They kept this one moving as it wasn’t even five minutes long, with Rock only getting in a few shots here and there. Shamrock ore or less mauled him, with that chair shot barely doing any damage. This almost felt like a TV match instead of some big pay per view (let alone Wrestlemania) title match, but it also made Shamrock look like a monster by running through the champ that fast.

Post match Shamrock stays on the Rock so here are the Nation and some referees. That doesn’t work at all as Shamrock beats everyone up, which is enough for the referee to reverse the decision, meaning Rock retains. Shamrock blows off some more steam by beating up Rock on the stretcher. This really doesn’t feel like a Wrestlemania title match, but it was a rather different time. Again though: Shamrock looked like a killer and that worked well.

We get the still awesome “we are real athletes” promo, with wrestlers talking about their backgrounds and the injuries they had to deal with over their careers.

We recap the New Age Outlaws defending the Tag Team Titles against Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack. The Outlaws don’t like old guys and put the two of them in a dumpster for a ride off the stage. Now it’s time for the appropriate choice of a dumpster match.

Tag Team Titles: Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending in a dumpster match (same rules as a casket match). It’s a brawl to start with Cactus trying to put Dogg in the dumpster early. That’s broken up and a metal sheet to the head slows Cactus down. Cactus’ flip dive off the apron only hits dumpster (you knew that was coming) and Gunn backdrops Charlie (or Funk as JR calls him) into the dumpster.

The Outlaws slam the dumpster lids onto Cactus and Charlie’s heads as JR thinks the old guys like this a bit. Cactus blocks the slamming of the lid though and it’s time to bring out some more weapons to crank up the violence. An elbow off the apron with a cookie sheet hits Gunn and of course it’s time for the ladder. Cactus and Gunn go up, only to be sent crashing into the dumpster for the big spot.

With Cactus getting out, Charlie gets powerbombed into the dumpster, leaving the Outlaws to take Cactus up to the entrance, which doesn’t feel overly logical. They go to the back so we look at some highlights, which would feel so bizarre these days. Cactus is sent into various catering things, including big Surge and Powerade displays. Gunn gets double armed DDT’ed onto a forklift and here is Charlie to pick both Outlaws up and drop them into a dumpster. Cactus closes the lid for the win and the titles at 10:17.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t exactly your traditional match but what mattered the most was Cactus and Charlie getting their revenge after taking a huge beating. The fans wanted to see them win the titles and that is what they got. Granted it was on the Titantron, but that is better than not getting the belts at all. It makes sense to not put the Outlaws in a more traditional match as that was never really their thing, so thankfully this was a case of playing to their strengths.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker and…yeah this is a deep one. So Paul Bearer turned on Undertaker, who wanted revenge. Eventually Bearer revealed that Undertaker had a brother named Kane, who was believed to be killed in a fire as a child. In reality, Kane was still alive and had apparently been kept hidden by Bearer for years. Then Kane appeared and wanted revenge on Undertaker, attacking every wrestler he could until Undertaker agreed to fight.

Undertaker never would, so eventually Kane put Undertaker in a casket and burned him alive (after teasing joining Undertaker in a pretty cool moment). That violates one of the most important rules in wrestling, which says “don’t tick off a giant monster who may or may not have evil powers”. This included Undertaker appearing on top of the Titantron and lighting a casket on fire, revealing a burning Kane inside for one of the most amazing things I had ever seen at 10 years old. Now it’s time for their first fight and this is huge.

Here is Pete Rose as a special guest and he is all over the Boston Red Sox fans, instantly getting every single thing about being a heel in wrestling. Rose halfway introduces Kane, who makes his full entrance….and promptly annihilates Rose with a Tombstone. This makes Kane the most popular man in Boston for at least a good thirty seconds.

Undertaker vs. Kane

Kane has Paul Bearer with him but Undertaker comes out with the tunnel made of torch carrying druids for one of the all time awesome entrances. They go nose to nose for an awesome visual before Undertaker starts striking away (I believe the first time he has ever attacked Kane). That’s enough to knock Kane into the corner, where he launches Undertaker in instead. Kane strikes away and puts him in the Tree of Woe to continue said striking.

Undertaker is sent outside for a second before the beating continues back inside. For some reason Undertaker tries to jump onto Kane’s shoulders, earning him a quick crash back down. Kane hits him with the steps and even Bearer gets in some cheap shots from behind. Back in and Undertaker starts running the ropes rather hard (that always looks cool), only to charge into a chokeslam, with Kane pulling him up at two.

We hit the chinlock, which is where the match grinds to a halt. Kane is a monster who has basically become a horror movie villain, but he knows how to grab a chinlock and lay on the mat for a bit? There is something that completely misses there and it kills the match dead. That’s broken up and Kane drops an elbow before grabbing another chinlock. Undertaker finally powers his way out and sends Kane outside, where the Taker Dive is sent crashing through the announcers’ table in a great visual.

Back in and the top rope clothesline gives Kane two but Undertaker is back with a Tombstone…which is reversed into one from Kane for two. That wakes the fans way back up and Undertaker starts striking away as Kane is starting to stagger. A running clothesline puts Kane down and there’s the chokeslam into a Tombstone for two on Kane. Another Tombstone gets another two, with Kane kind of twitching his shoulder for the kickout. The top rope clothesline into a third Tombstone (with a regular cover instead of the hands over the chest) finish Kane off at 16:59, though Kane kicks at about 3.1.

Rating: B-. This is a match that started and ended well, but there is a long stretch in the middle and it really hurt things. That chinlock segment and a bunch of the basic wrestling they did felt like it was out of a completely different match, which dragged things way down. This really needed to have about five minutes cut out, because the opening staredown and brawl worked, along with the last portion. Instead, it’s a rather long match that didn’t work as well as it should have.

At the same time, Undertaker winning didn’t exactly feel right, as Kane had been built up as this monster who should have been a different kind of opponent. In this situation, it would have made sense for him to win and beat Undertaker to set up some big, and much more violent, rematch. What we got was ok, but it should have been that much better.

Post match Bearer comes in to stomp on Undertaker, who fights up and hits Bearer in the face. Kane is back up and wrecks Undertaker with the chair, setting up a Tombstone onto it to leave Undertaker laying. Kane and Bearer leave, with Undertaker getting up and kind of falling out to the floor.

We get a vignette featuring various legends, who talk about how they had their day but can never do this kind of thing today. Now, they cheer for these new people. This is an all timer from the company and shows how everything has changed. Awesome indeed.

We recap Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels for the WWF Title. Austin is on an all time roll and is ready to claim his destiny, but he has to deal with not only Shawn, but the rest of DX, including Mike Tyson, who has joined the team and is a special referee. To call this huge would be an understatement as even Eric Bischoff said “oooh, that’s pretty good.”

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Steve Austin

Michaels, with HHH and Chyna, is defending and Mike Tyson is guest enforcer referee. We get the long tracking shots from the back, which are still some of the best things WWF ever did and make things feel that much bigger. The DX Band plays Shawn to the ring for something that should be cool but they don’t quite have that epic feeling.

Austin flips him off to start and gets punched in the face, which does not sit well. The chase is on outside, followed by Austin hitting him in the head on the way back in. Shawn’s attempt to escape results in his tights being pulled down before Austin backdrops him onto HHH. That doesn’t work for HHH, who whips Austin into the barricade. HHH and Chyna are ejected and things are a lot more even.

Never one to lose a chance to beat someone up, Austin sends HHH into the DX Band set, earning himself a cymbal to the head from Shawn. Back in and Austin hammers away before flipping Shawn over in the corner. An atomic drop of all things gets two and the Stun Gun gets the same. Austin knocks him off the apron and into the announcers’ table, followed by the chinlock back inside.

Shawn fights up but gets sent hard into the post. The fight heads back to the floor, where Austin is sent over the barricade and Shawn clocks him with the ring bell. Back in and Shawn slowly hammers away until Austin fights up with right hands. Shawn is sent over the top for the crash but he’s fine enough to wrap Austin’s knee around the post. They get back inside again with Shawn slowly starting in on the leg but Austin fights back up.

That’s enough for Tyson to offer a distraction though, with Shawn getting in a chop block. The Figure Four has Austin in more trouble be fore finally breaks it up. Austin fights up again and makes another comeback, with the referee getting bumped, leaving Shawn to hit a not so great forearm. There’s the nip up into into the top rope elbow and Shawn loads up the superkick. That doesn’t work as Austin ducks and grabs the Stunner, with Tyson coming in to count the pin for the title at 20:06.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches that has so many details that make things all the more interesting. While it is Austin’s big crowning moment and the start of a new era, there was only so much that could have been done because of Michaels’ injuries. It would have been interesting to see what they could have done at full strength, but the match did the one thing that it needed: Austin hitting the Stunner to win the WWF Title for the first time.

Post match the celebration is on, with JR getting in the all time line of “the Austin Era has begun.” Austin throws Tyson an Austin shirt but Shawn gets up and isn’t happy. He takes the shirt away and tries a right hand, with Tyson easily blocking it and dropping Shawn with a right hand of his own. Tyson and Austin celebrate, confetti falls and the highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B. This show is rather weird in a lot of ways, as it might not be the best show in the way of quality, but it was one of the most important shows the company has ever had. First of course there is Austin, whose win took the company into an entirely new era. It’s the definition of a Wrestlemania Moment and it is still played in highlight reels decades later for a reason.

At the same time you have the focus on a much more in your face style, with stuff like the dumpster match and Kane vs. Undertaker being a weird sci-fi soap opera. The last three matches (and the Intercontinental Title to a lesser extent) felt big and that is what they were supposed to do. The first half of the show is only so good, but once this show kicks in, it kicks in hard and the company was off to the races soon after.

Ratings Comparison

Tag Team Battle Royal

Original: D-
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D+
2024 Redo: C-

Taka Michinoku vs. Aguila

Original: D+
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B-
2024 Redo: B-

HHH vs. Owen Hart

Original: B-
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: B
2024 Redo: C+

Marc Mero/Sable vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust/Luna Vachon

Original: C
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C
2024 Redo: C-

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C-
2015 Redo: D+
2024 Redo: C

New Age Outlaws vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: B
2024 Redo: C+

Kane vs. Undertaker

Original: D+
2013 Redo: C-
2015 Redo: D+
2024 Redo: B-

Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+
2013 Redo: B+
2015 Redo: A-
2024 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B+
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2024 Redo: B

The match ratings are all over the place compared to the previous editions and the overall rating is the same. Yep that’s one of my reviews.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XIII
Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The advertised main event this year is the Undertaker challenging Sid for the WWF World Title. This isn’t the biggest match in the world but then again this isn’t the biggest Wrestlemania in the world. That’s the underlying problem with this show: it feels like any other show instead of the biggest night of the year. This was a strange period where Wrestlemania wasn’t being treated as the company’s grand showcase but that would change soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Free For All: Billy Gunn vs. Flash Funk

Funk is better known as 2 Cold Scorpio and is a very skilled high flier. Billy is on his own now and isn’t all that interesting as a solo cowboy. Gunn starts fast but Funk flips out of a backdrop and scores with a superkick. A bad looking belly to back superplex drops Funk again and a clothesline gets a very sloppy two.

The announcers ignore the match to talk about Austin vs. Hart and we hit the chinlock. That goes nowhere so Gunn misses a top rope legdrop, allowing Funk to hit a spinwheel kick for two. Funk gets the same off a top rope victory roll but his moonsault hits knees. Billy comes back with a tornado DDT for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t very good. Gunn was such a lame character on his own and it would only get worse soon after this as he would become Rockabilly for several months. Funk was at least entertaining with his high flying even though his career in the WWF never went anywhere. Boring match.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania but this isn’t quite the same thing. That’s very true as this one wasn’t even a sellout. We hear about the spirit of rebellion in the air and Austin vs. Bret is discussed after the main event.

Godwinns vs. New Blackjacks vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers

This is a four team elimination match with the winners getting a Tag Team Title shot the next night on Monday Night Raw. The Blackjacks are Bradshaw and Barry Windham, Furnas and LaFon are a Canadian team who aren’t the most interesting guys in the world and the Headbangers are….different. They wear skirts and slam into each other in what is considered dancing. Before the match the Blackjacks say they’re riding again (the original team hadn’t been around for about twenty years. Of note, Windham is the son of Blackjack Mulligan and Bradshaw is the nephew of Blackjack Lanza) in a quick interview.

It’s a huge brawl to start as you would expect until it’s Henry vs. Bradshaw. The Godwinn get the better of it but Thrasher is quickly in, only to get planted with a pumphandle slam. Phineas comes in to beat on Thrasher even more before he tags out to Mosh, giving us Headbanger vs. Headbanger.

That goes nowhere so it’s off to Windham vs. Furnas (an incredible powerhouse) with the latter pulling off a hurricanrana, only to get caught in a powerslam for no cover. Bradshaw comes in and falls to the floor with Furnas but Bradshaw shoves the referee down for the DQ and an elimination. Furnas and LaFon are counted out as well, meaning it’s down to the Godwinns vs. the Headbangers.

Phineas works over throws Thrasher around and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. It’s back to Henry who is sent into the buckle, followed by an awkward exchange where Thrasher seemed to forget to raise his boot in the corner. Phineas comes in to spit in Thrasher’s face (which Vince says Phineas does to farm animals, much to Lawler’s confusion) but it’s quickly off to Mosh vs. Henry with the big man scoring with a Cactus Clothesline.

Mosh dives off the apron to take Henry down and this just keeps going. Commenting on the Headbangers’ attire, Lawler asks if Vince has any White Zombie CDs. Vince: “White……Zombie?” Back in and Thrasher misses a moonsault, allowing the tag to Phineas for some house cleaning. Thrasher breaks up the Slop Drop and Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin and the title shot at 10:39.

Rating: D. The wrestling was sloppy, the teams had no issues coming in and the double elimination felt really cheap. This was one of the worst possible ideas for an opening match as it started bad and never got any better. Just not a very good match as it went longer than it needed to and didn’t change the fact that this division is still lacking.

In Your House XIV ad.

Brian Pillman and Sunny tell us to CALL THE HOTLINE!

Intercontinental Title: The Sultan vs. Rocky Maivia

Honky Tonk Man is out on commentary in his quest for a new protege. Rocky is defending (after beating Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the title a little over a month ago in a big upset) and Sultan is just a Middle Eastern monster played by the future Rikishi and managed by Bob Backlund and the Iron Sheik. Rocky starts fast with some right hands and a dropkick to send Sultan out to the floor.

Sultan throws him into the post to take over as the crowd is noticeably not interested. Back in and a hard clothesline gets two on the champ and we’re in the nerve hold. Oh sweet goodness not this again. Honky Tonk says he’d have already won with the Shake Rattle and Roll and be in the back combing his hair. Sultan’s top rope headbutt gets two and it’s time for a chinlock.

The fans are rightfully bored and restless as this hold continues. Rocky makes his comeback with some open handed punches and a belly to belly for two as the fans still don’t seem interested. The high cross body (Rocky’s finisher) connects but Sheik has the referee. A great looking superkick (he always had a good one) takes the champ down and a piledriver gets two. Rocky comes right back with a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:43.

Rating: D-. This one was less bad and much more dull with the chinlock in the middle killing anything they could have gotten out of it. Rocky would of course get way better but he didn’t have a character or anywhere near the charisma that he would have in the future. That leaves you with a dull match against a one note challenger which isn’t something you want to do after a lame opener.

Post match Sultan, Sheik and Backlund destroy Rocky but his dad Rocky Johnson comes in for the save and house is cleaned.

Ken Shamrock, the former UFC Champion and the guest referee for the submission match, promises to not be intimidated.

Dok Hendrix (better known as Michael P.S. Hayes and with a very loud echo for some reason) asks Helmsley about his relationship with newcomer Chyna. Helmsley says Hendrix doesn’t need to know about it and tonight he’s taking Goldust out straight up. Marlena better be watching out too.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Helmsley has taken a major step up in the last year as he’s a lot more serious though still far away from what he would become. This started a few months ago when Helmsley made a pass at Marlena. Goldust went after Helmsley but Chyna debuted and attacked Marlena to continue the feud. Goldust is now good but still a bit out there as he crouches down and stares at Hunter before exploding with right hands. He makes sure to spit down at Chyna who as usual doesn’t flinch.

Helmsley gets clotheslined out to the floor as Lawler accuses Vince of wearing a toupee. More right hands are followed by a ram into the post and this is one sided so far. Hunter’s facebuster only gives him a temporary reprieve as Goldust scores with a nice powerslam. With all the momentum, Goldust goes up top but gets thrown down onto the floor in a huge crash to completely change momentum. Things slow way down as they should when the villain is in control and Goldust’s clothes are partially removed for the second year in a row.

Hunter puts on an abdominal stretch to slow things down even more as Marlena puffs on a cigar. Off to a chinlock with Helmsley’s arm not actually making contact with Goldust’s throat. A suplex gets two on Goldust and a DDT gets the same. Back up and Goldust’s comeback is stopped as they ram heads to make the match drag again. Goldust loads up the Curtain Call (reverse suplex slam) but Chyna goes after Marlena, allowing the Pedigree to put Goldust away at 13:17.

Rating: D+. I’ve never liked this match or feud but I guess it’s an improvement as they had a longer and worse match at the Royal Rumble. These two fought each other for the first half of 1997 and it never took off. Helmsley just wasn’t entertaining at this point as he had such a slow paced offense and Goldust wasn’t really the kind of person who was going to be able to help him to a new level here. It’s not a horrible match but it’s really boring, especially after an awful first hour.

Marc Mero and Sable pitch Wrestlemania shirts. Well ok it’s mainly Sable but Mero is there too.

Shawn Michaels can’t figure out AOL.

Tag Team Titles: Mankind/Vader vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

All villains here. Hart and Bulldog are defending and Mankind and Vader have Paul Bearer in their corner after Bearer turned on Undertaker at Summerslam 1996. The champs have been having issues for months and Owen recently said he was smarter than Bulldog, who is also European Champion, having beaten Owen in a tournament final to become the inaugural champion.

Vader powers Owen into the corner to start and pummels him with right hands. A splash misses but Owen tries a hurricanrana and is easily powerbombed down. Heaven help this team if he’s the smarter one. Everything breaks down and Bulldog throws the challenger around before staying in to headbutt Mankind. Bulldog suplexes both of them in an awesome power display (he was always great at those) and we hit the chinlock on Mankind.

They head outside with Vader nailing Bulldog in the back of the head with the urn to take over. Now it’s Vader’s turn for a middle rope splash, followed by a running knee to the head from Mankind. Vader dives into a powerslam (a very common spot for him) and the tag brings in Owen, who the fans don’t cheer because he’s a heel. Hart avoids a sitdown splash and cross bodies Vader, only to run into a heavy clothesline to give the challengers control again. Owen gets beaten down in front of his parents in the front row and Lawler has a ball with his jokes.

Mankind blocks a splash with his knees as the announcers discuss the history of the WWF in this building, including a Wrestling Classic reference. A nice spinwheel kick puts Vader down to no response but he breaks up Owen’s tag attempt. Mankind follows Owen to the floor but charges into a belly to belly. The hot tag finally brings in Bulldog to clean house, even knocking Vader’s mask off. The powerslam is countered by the Mandible Claw though and they fall outside for the double countout at 16:04.

Rating: C-. That’s the best match of the night by far and it’s really more long than good. Mankind and Vader probably should have taken the titles here, even if it was just for a quick title reign before Owen and Bulldog got them back. They had held the titles for months now and it was time to freshen the division up a bit.

Mankind won’t let go of the hold for a bit but the challengers eventually leave, far too happy about a double countout draw.

We get a long recap of Hart vs. Austin. This is all about Austin having no respect for anything Bret Hart has done in the WWF and letting his venom flow through the company. Austin has been winning the mental game too as Bret has started completely snapping, going on hateful tirades about how everyone has screwed him over and how it’s everyone else that has changed. Bret’s entire legacy rides on him being able to defeat Steve Austin and regain the fans’ respect in this one match.

This is one of the greatest stories ever told in wrestling as the details (costing Bret the title, the Royal Rumble etc) are all secondary to the underlying theme: Bret being unable to hold on to the past and not accepting this new reality. Austin embodied the rebellious nature and it made for a perfect dynamic with the traditionalist Bret. As great as the stories were, the matches were even better and made the feud one of the best ever.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Submission match with Ken Shamrock refereeing. Austin has a famous entrance as a wall of glass saying AUSTIN 3:16 breaks and he walks through the broken pieces. The fans are split here but it seems to be more pro-Bret coming in. They slug it out to start and are on the floor very quickly. Austin is sent face first into the post but he crotches Bret across the barricade and clotheslines him into the crowd.

Bret gets whipped into some hockey boards but he fights back and they head deeper into the fans. A backdrop gets Bret out of a piledriver as you can barely see anything at the moment. Back to ringside with Bret in control and the fans completely into something for the first time all night. Austin reverses a whip to send Bret into the steps but Hart grabs a swinging neckbreaker to get a breather back inside.

Vince is already treating Bret like the heel on commentary, wondering what kind of excuse Bret will have if he loses. It’s time to work on Austin’s eternally damaged knee with a leg snap and some cannonballs off the ropes. He misses another cannonball though and Austin grabs the Stunner out of nowhere. No covers though so Bret gets up and kicks the knee out again.

The Figure Four around the post has Austin screaming but he doesn’t give up. Lawler: “Bret can twist that leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox’s Robin Ventura but Austin won’t submit.” Bret grabs a chair but can’t Pillmanize the leg, allowing Austin to get in a great chair shot to knock Hart off the top. The fans are losing it for Austin here and you can see the future right in front of your eyes.

Austin’s middle rope elbow, complete with two middle fingers, has Bret in even more trouble. JR is on fire here as he talks about how this is all about respect and emotion instead of covering a bald spot (shot at Hogan) or your reputation. Unfortunately Vince is there to bring it back down to dull, unemotional commentary that sounds like a high school chemistry teacher trying to be funny.

Austin goes for a submission by laying on his back, wrapping his leg around Bret’s head and pulling back on his arm (it’s hard to put into words) before going for a standard Boston crab, only to have Hart make it to the ropes. Austin can’t get a Sharpshooter on Bret (Lawler: “Wouldn’t that be great? Seeing Bret submit to the Sharpshooter?” Vince: “Hey, it could happen.”) so he sends him outside instead. A hard whip sends Austin into the barricade, wiping out a bunch of commentators and busting him open.

Bret sends him into other metal objects and sweet goodness Austin is spewing blood. Hart pounds away on the cut and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom. That’s enough wrestling though and Bret starts driving the chair into Austin’s bad knee. JR again goes into his full on excitement mode before Bret hammers away in the corner. Austin isn’t interested in wrestling either and kicks Bret low. The fans are right back into this and Austin is fired up. He stomps one heck of a mudhole in the corner, flips Bret off, and stomps him again.

A nice superplex plants Bret again and Austin chokes him with an electrical cord, only to have Bret grab the bell to knock Austin out. That’s a very nice callback to Wrestlemania VIII where Piper wouldn’t give into the demons but Bret easily did. The Sharpshooter goes on and the blood is flowing out of Austin’s head in one of the most famous shots in wrestling (As Austin would later say on his podcast: “That’s an image that sold a lot of t-shirts.”). A loud Austin chant starts up and he powers out of the hold as the blood drips down between his teeth but Bret gets it back on and Austin passes out to end the match at 22:03.

Rating: A+. Good grief this match is amazing. This is the match that turned Austin into the biggest star of all time and the moment where the WWF had the Monday Night Wars won. It would take time, but Austin was clearly going to be the hottest thing ever and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

That’s the key to the whole match and a great piece of symbolism: Bret could not stop Austin and only slowed him down. No matter what Bret did, he couldn’t make Austin quit, even after he gave in to the dark side. This is on the short list for the greatest match of all time and certainly one of the best Wrestlemania matches ever. In case you somehow haven’t seen this, go out of your way to watch it at some point because it’s one of the best and most important matches of all time.

Bret is still livid and stomps away even more until Shamrock (who wasn’t a factor in the match) breaks it up and offers to fight. Hart leaves and is booed out of the building as Austin has pulled himself to the corner. Austin pulls his way up and Stuns the referee for trying to help him. He very slowly limps to the back with no help, receiving thunderous cheers from the crowd. A star has been born and everyone knows it. Even the announcers put him over as the toughest man they’ve ever seen.

The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Savio Vega and Crush plus an army of unnamed men, many of whom were actors there to make the Nation look even bigger. That’s actually a very smart idea and not something I’ve seen since.) promises that it’s going to be a fight against the Legion of Doom and Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed had feuded with the Nation for months now and this is one of their many showdowns.

Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson

This is a Chicago Street Fight and the Nation has brought out a bunch of weapons to use. Ahmed has a 2×4 and Hawk brings a kitchen sink for the sake of completeness. The LOD seems even more fired up than usual to be in their hometown. It’s a brawl to start of course and thankfully there are no tags required here. The good guys clean house to start and the yet to be named D’Lo Brown, JC Ice and Wolfie D. (the rappers who perform the Nation’s theme song) are slammed down to the floor.

Ahmed dives over the barricade to take Crush out as this is rapidly turning into a match that is impossible to call. Hawk swings a 2×4 at Savio but hits the ropes, sending the board into the air, only to have Hawk make a nice catch to send Savio running again. Animal tries to piledrive Faarooq through the French announcers’ table but they fall to the side instead. Instead Animal sprays him with a fire extinguisher and things slow down a bit until Ahmed slams Faarooq through the French table.

Animal beats the fire out of Savio with a trashcan but the fire extinguisher goes off again to blind everyone. The Nation puts a noose around Ahmed’s throat to hang him over the ropes but Hawk comes back with a double clothesline. Faarooq tries to choke Hawk with the noose until he gets pulled off the top rope for a big crash. The brawling continues until Crush gets caught in a quick Doomsday Device, followed by a 2×4 shot to give Animal the pin at 10:43.

Rating: B. It’s the definition of a garbage brawl but these guys beat the fire out of each other the entire time and gave us one heck of an entertaining brawl, especially in the death slot after the submission match. This was really fun and that’s all it needed to be with the fans going nuts over seeing the LOD dominant and violent one more time.

JC Ice and Wolfie D. take a double Doomsday Device after the match.

In Your House XIV ad.

There’s no recap for the main event but there isn’t much of a story to tell. Sid took the title from Bret when Austin interfered and Undertaker has been in the title hunt for a long time now. This was originally going to be Bret taking the title from Shawn to get his win back from last year but Shawn lost his smile just in time for the match to not take place. That’s very convenient no?

Shawn Michaels comes out for commentary, taking his sweet time to soak in all the cheers.

Sid says he isn’t scared of the darkness.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker

Sid is defending and gets the very cool name in lights fireworks display. The bell rings and here’s Bret Hart (Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful about not being in the main event.”) to insult Shawn for faking an injury, tell Undertaker that they’re no longer friends, and tell Sid that he’s a fraud as champion. Sid just smiles and powerbombs Bret before telling the crybaby to hop along. There’s a second bell and we’re ready to go.

Undertaker pounds away to start and hits an early Old School, only to get caught in a bearhug. The hold stays on for nearly two minutes as Lawler and Michaels bicker for a bit. Shawn asks if you can actually squeeze the life out of Undertaker. Sid boots Undertaker in the face and kicks him over the announcers’ table as this is dragging along.

A slam turns the table over but Undertaker is right back to his feet and they go inside with Vince mentioning that this was turned into a No DQ match earlier today. Not that it really matters but that’s three straight No DQ matches to end the show. Sid pulls back on a camel clutch as Shawn gets in a perfect analysis by saying Sid doesn’t deviate from the power because it takes him everywhere he needs to go. That’s such a perfect lesson that so many people don’t understand.

Sid gets two off a powerslam and the frustration is setting in. Shawn: “Better pound on him some more.” They go outside again with Sid being knocked over the barricade so Undertaker can punch him in the face. Back in and we hit a bad chinlock (read as Undertaker is laying on his back with Sid’s hands on his face) until Undertaker fights up with a powerslam for two.

Now it’s Undertaker with a nerve hold as the crowd is getting restless again. Back up and it’s a double big boot to put both of them down. A middle rope clothesline (more like a fist) gets two for the champ but Undertaker punches him out of the air on the next attempt. Now it’s Undertaker going up top for a clothesline for two of his own. Sid reverses the Tombstone into one of his own but even the arm fold cover gets two.

They go outside for the third time and here’s Bret again to blast Sid in the back with a chair. Back in and a chokeslam gets two for Undertaker but he misses a running clothesline. Sid sets for the powerbomb until Bret comes down AGAIN (Shawn: “Doesn’t he get tired of getting beat up?”) and snaps Sid across the top rope, setting up the Tombstone to give Undertake the title at 23:54.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here and the match was a disaster most of the time. Sid isn’t made to go this long and it made for one heck of a bad match. The Bret stuff got annoying in a hurry but at least he was more interesting than either guy out there. Undertaker winning is definitely the right call as Sid was pretty much gone after this and Undertaker could at least do some entertaining things with the right opponent. That’s not the case here though and the match was a disaster.

Undertaker poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this was bad. There’s a really good stretch of about forty five minutes in there that was on fire but this isn’t a forty five minute show. So much of this was spent on matches that didn’t feel important or didn’t give me a reason to care. What changed here other than the World Title? Rocky retains in a lame match, the Tag Team Titles go to a double countout and we need to watch tomorrow to find out what happens with the Headbangers?

Much like Wrestlemania IX, this didn’t feel like a Wrestlemania. If this was any other show during the year, the results would have been much better. Unfortunately, as has been the case multiple times, this was the biggest show of the year and the card didn’t live up to the standard. This isn’t a good show but that’s a very common problem around this time, which is why business was in such a bad place here.

Ratings Comparison

Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D

Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: D+

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind

Original: D+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A+

Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

The street fight is good but it’s not THAT good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/20/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-13-hitman-and-austin-thats-it/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/22/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xiii-austins-ascension/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Much like last year, there’s nothing else to talk about besides the main event. This is all about Shawn vs. Bret and they’re not even trying to hide it. The other big match on the card is Diesel vs. Undertaker but it’s so far behind the World Title match that it’s not fair to mention them in the same breath. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, here’s a bonus that probably should have been on the main card (at least on paper). Occasionally WWF would air a match on their pre-show (known as the Kickoff Show in modern times) and I’ll include them if they’re available. There were dark matches for years before Wrestlemania would go on the air but this is the first that was actually recorded.

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

This is a tournament final for the vacant titles. The Bodydonnas (Skip and Zip, a pair of exercise enthusiasts) have Sunny, a rather attractive manager and the Godwinns (Henry O. and Phineas I. (get it?), hog farmers) have Hillbilly Jim in their corner. Of note there’s a big blimp flying around over the lower arena, making it practically impossible for fans sitting behind it to see a thing.

Henry and Zip start things off and a wheelbarrow slam gives the Godwinns early control. Phineas comes in and has one of his fits as he clears the ring. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by any of this. Things settle back down and it’s Henry catapulting Zip over the top and down onto Skip for a nice crash to get the crowd into things a bit. For some reason Phineas tries to come in (he never was that bright) and the Bodydonnas take over with a double slingshot suplex.

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

Rating: D-. Thankfully these things would get better later on because this was terrible. It’s probably better that this wasn’t on the main show as people really didn’t need to see how dismal the tag division had become at this point. There were so many lame gimmick teams like this and they took years to get better, but even then it only lasted for a short time. Terrible match but the right result.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Johnson is an athletic freak who would have been WWF World Champion had he not been so injury prone. Yokozuna is even heavier than ever and is in this match to get his hands on the heels’ manager Jim Cornette if the good guys win. Vader is Cornette’s new charge and really shouldn’t need an introduction. The big guys start brawling at the start and it’s Yokozuna’s team clearing house with Yokozuna launching Ahmed over the top and out onto Vader. That’s good for a better reaction than anything in the Tag Team Title match had and we’re less than a minute in.

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Ahmed completely misses a clothesline to Owen (Johnson had a great look and awesome charisma but he couldn’t do the actual wrestling part) and makes the tag off to Jake for his signature punches. Owen blocks the DDT though and it’s off to Bulldog for a front facelock. The heels keep taking turns on Jake and Owen’s top rope elbow gets two. Bulldog’s running powerslam gets the same (that’s a big surprise) and so does a splash from Vader.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Rating: C-. This didn’t need to be so long and the teasing of Yokozuna getting his hands on Cornette didn’t go anywhere. They did however keep Jake in there for the most part and that’s the right idea given how good he was at selling a beating like that. Yokozuna was only good for quick bursts at this point and the weight would lead to him leaving the company. Vader was clearly on the rise as he was a monster but one who could move with very impressive speed, making him a great addition to the main event.

Call the Hotline!

We recap Roddy Piper vs. Goldust, which can be translated to “Razor Ramon had drug issues so here’s Piper instead.” Piper is a man’s man and President of the WWF, but Goldust (still very bizarre in actions here instead of just in name only) is attracted to Piper and his power. That’s not cool with Roddy and it’s time for a fight at Wrestlemania. Not a match mind you, but they’re going to be fighting in a back lot.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Goldust gets slammed onto the hood of the car and seems to be bleeding from somewhere. A low blow slows Piper down and Goldust runs him over, causing Piper (or more likely a stunt man) to hang on as Goldust drives through the lot. Piper finally falls off and steals a white Bronco to chase after Goldust. No rating due to time but we’re not done with this yet.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Vega is a Puerto Rican brawler and Austin is the Million Dollar Champion (not on the line here) with Ted DiBiase in his corner. These two had been fighting for a bit but it was made worse when they had to team together in the Tag Team Title tournament. Austin didn’t want to win and laid out Savio instead. We’re ready to go after Savio says he’s ready for anything.

They slug it out and the brawl is quickly on the floor where a DiBiase distraction doesn’t do Austin any good. Back in and Vega’s shoulder goes into the post as Austin takes over on his own. That’s a nice, subtle point and would come into play months later when Austin intentionally got DiBiase sent out of the company.

Austin tries to work on the arm but Savio takes over with some nice kicks. Oh wait though as Roddy Piper calls in to say he’s chasing Goldust down the freeway because this isn’t over. Vega flips out of a chinlock but the arm is still bothering him. Austin comes back with a middle rope elbow as Piper gets on the phone again but his phone keeps cutting off when he’s about to swear. This is a bad sitcom plot.

A pinfall reversal sequence gets a few near falls each but we have an aerial shot of Piper…..which is the video from the OJ Simpson car chase. Back to the match (which shouldn’t have to happen more than once ever) and Austin dives into a raised boot to put both guys down. Savio wins a slugout but a spinwheel kick takes out the referee. The distraction lets DiBiase throw in the title belt goes upside Savio’s head twice, allowing Austin to put on the Million Dollar Dream until the referee wakes up to call the match at 10:03.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

Austin won’t let the hold go for a long time after the match is over.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

We recap Undertaker pulling Diesel through the mat last month at In Your House VI and then Diesel seeing himself in a coffin. Diesel says he’s dealing with Undertaker tonight and then Shawn is next. Yes Shawn and not the title. I guess even Diesel knew what was coming in the main event.

Another half second of Piper footage as the announcers make sure to not say where they’ve seen this before.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Helmsley has a new valet (like he did every week) named Sable. Warrior is making his return for the first time since 1992 and Lawler had been suggesting that he was 400lbs and bald. Of course he’s his normal (normalish I guess) self and Lawler looks like an idiot again. Helmsley (who is TINY by comparison to what he would become) attacks Warrior before the bell and hits the Pedigree thirty seconds in. Warrior is almost to his feet faster than Helmsley though and it’s time for the clotheslines and shoulders. The gorilla press and splash end Helmsley at 1:39, though I think he’ll be fine. Warrior would be gone again by July.

Merchandise ad.

The debuting Wildman Marc Mero (Johnny B. Badd from WCW) says he’s ready for the competition here in the WWF. Helmsley stumbles in and they get in a fight to set up Mero’s first feud.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

This is the first time Undertaker has had a really serious challenger at Wrestlemania in a few years and for once he feels like he’s in real danger. These two have cost each other title shots at the last two pay per views and now it’s time for them to go one on one in a marginal dream match. Diesel wins a slugout to start and crushes Undertaker with a running clothesline in the corner.

Undertaker misses his big elbow but sits right back up and they quickly on the floor. A quick ram into the steps looks to set up the tombstone back inside but Diesel slips off the back and kicks Undertaker in the face for two. They’re flying through this so far. Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline and crashes into the ropes, only to snap Diesel’s throat across the top. Diesel is right back though and throws Undertaker into the barricade before stopping to pose.

Back in and the side slam gets two, followed by Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince, I believe for the only time ever) to keep Undertaker in trouble. In a rare sight, both guys connect with a big boot at the same time (that’s hard to do when you think about it). It’s Diesel up first and we hit the bearhug on Undertaker. Lawler: “YOU GOT HIM BAY-BAY!”

Undertaker suplexes his way out of it but Diesel is up again and scores with the Jackknife. He’d rather celebrate than cover though and Undertaker eventually sits up. That’s fine with Diesel as he hits a second Jackknife but still won’t cover, allowing Undertaker to get up and grab him by the throat. That earns Undertaker a belly to back suplex but he pops up for a bad looking chokeslam. Undertaker plants Diesel with the Tombstone for the pin at 16:37 to make it 5-0.

Rating: B. Diesel was on his way out for WCW but he was actually having better matches every month right before he left. This was by far the best Undertaker Wrestlemania match so far as they were beating the tar out of each other. It’s nice to see Undertaker actually in some trouble instead of just destroying people for a change and Diesel gave him a great challenge. This was much better than I was expecting and a great big man fight.

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

Goldust and Piper return in their cars and fight to the ring with Goldust getting the better of it. Another low blow has Piper in trouble and now it’s time for Goldust to strip him. Piper’s bad leg is wrapped around the post but it just seems to fire him up even more. Goldust goes to kiss him but punches Piper in the face instead. That’s fine with Piper as he crotches Goldust on top, only to have Goldust kiss him. Piper will have none of that and he hammers away before grabbing Goldust between the legs. Now it’s time for a spanking, followed by Piper stripping Goldust down to some S&M lingerie to finally end it.

Piper’s son Colt comes in to celebrate with him.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Shawn says everyone knows the story and now it’s time for the final chapter.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Bret is defending and this is a sixty minute Iron Man match, meaning the most falls (pin, submission, countout, disqualification) in the time limit wins. Lothario comes out with no Shawn but he points to the top of the arena for Shawn’s famous zipline entrance into the crowd. That shot of him riding down into the arena was shown on a lot of highlight packages for a very long time. Hebner explains the rules in full, even down to how a countout works, and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

Shawn fights up into a top wristlock but Bret reverses into a front facelock. That goes nowhere so Shawn escapes into an armbar. They get to their feet and try to pick up the pace but it’s right back to the mat for more arm cranking on the champ. Bret takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but Shawn forearms him in the jaw and headscissors Bret to the floor.

We’re ten minute in and you might think that headscissors would start the second gear but instead it’s right back to the armbar from Shawn. Bret stops to yell at Lothario and the distraction lets Shawn crank on the arm all over again. The hold stays on so long that Vince and Jerry actually talk strategy and analyze the match. Back up and Michaels gets caught in a spinebuster but fights out of a Sharpshooter attempt. They head to the floor and Bret is sent into the timekeeper’s area where a superkick takes the timekeeper’s (who looked a lot like Tony Chimmel) head off.

Back in and Bret grabs a chinlock to slow things down all over again. Shawn FINALLY fights up and hits a hard clothesline but Bret nails one of his own and it’s right back to that chinlock. Another comeback from Shawn includes a dropkick and there’s another armbar. We’re twenty minutes in and this already isn’t boding well. Shawn pulls on the wrist with his foot in Bret’s face before switching to a regular armbar. Good thing too as the fans might have been interested in something different.

Back up and they get a bit more aggressive as Bret’s shoulder is sent into the post. A shoulder breaker and hammerlock slam (shades of the Andersons) have Bret in even more trouble but Shawn isn’t following up. There’s a cross armbreaker on the wrong arm so Shawn quickly switches to the proper version. Shawn switches up to a seated armbar for a good bit until Bret fights up with a Stun Gun for the break. The arm keeps giving him problems though and Shawn sends Bret face first into the buckle. Bret isn’t done yet though as he comes back with the Five Moves of Doom.

For some reason he goes to the top rope and Shawn is ready to catch him, but Bret puts his knee on the back of Shawn’s head and drives him down onto the mat. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two as there are thirty minutes to go. A slam brings Bret off the top again and a hurricanrana lets Shawn hammer away. That’s one of the first lucha style moves Shawn has used after basically promising to use a bunch of them. Nice little head game there and not something you often see work on Bret.

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Bret to the floor but Michaels goes to the top and LAUNCHES himself down onto Bret. That was one heck of a dive and always impresses me whenever I see this match. Back in and a PerfectPlex gets two on the champ. We hit a sleeper, which is smart but annoying after everything we’ve sat through here. Bret fights up (the arm injury disappeared a long time ago) and backdrops Shawn WAY over the top for a huge crash. Lothario comes over to check on him but somehow it’s not a countout.

Back in and Bret works on the back with an ax handle and backbreaker. There are twenty minutes left and Bret drops him with a belly to back superplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit until Shawn fights up, only to have Bret throw him to the floor and into Lothario. With fifteen minutes to go, Bret even screams at Jose as he tries to get up and belly to bellys Shawn down for two. That’s rather heelish of him. The yelling, not the suplex.

Shawn’s right hands don’t get him anywhere as Bret counters a rollup by kicking Michaels outside again. This time it’s Bret diving through the ropes to take Shawn down again. Bret is willing to take the countout now but then changes his mind and breaks it up. Lawler: “He’s his own worst enemy! No, not as long as I’m still alive.” Back in and a German suplex gets two for the champ and Shawn can barely stand. He’s still able to slug it out from his knees though, telling Bret to bring it on.

A big headbutt puts Shawn down but Bret can’t follow up. After a few shakes of his head, Bret grabs another reverse chinlock and we have ten minutes to go. Shawn fights up yet again but it’s a double clothesline to reset things all over again. There’s a superplex from Bret as Vince declares it over at the six minute mark. He’s wrong on both counts as not only does it not get a fall but there were nearly seven minutes left.

Shawn kicks Bret in the face to block a Sharpshooter so Hart has to settle for a half crab instead. Unfortunately Shawn is right next to the ropes for the save and we’ve got five minutes left. Bret dives into a boot and both guys are down again. Shawn comes back with a nice dropkick to send Bret into the corner and there’s the Irish whip for Bret’s chest first buckle bump. Four minutes left and Shawn forearms into the nipup (which the camera misses) as it’s time for a comeback. Lawler: “Michaels has just gotten his nineteenth wind!”

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

We’re not done yet though as Bret goes to leave, only to have Monsoon make a ruling that we’re getting sudden death because THERE MUST BE A WINNER. Bret is ticked and starts hammering away on the back but Shawn jumps over him in the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. Everyone (including me when I was watching live) jumps to their feet but Shawn can’t follow up. Both guys stagger to their feet and another superkick gives Shawn the first fall and the title at 1:01:50.

Rating: B-. This is a really tricky one to grade but the first twenty minutes ruin whatever else they could have had here. It’s just a bunch of laying around in rest holds, which may make sense but that doesn’t mean it’s entertaining. This would have been much better off as a regular match running about forty minutes as it increases drama and lets you believe that something might happen at any given moment.

The match is fondly remembered and it’s certainly not bad, but it’s definitely nowhere near a classic. Allegedly neither guy wanted to job multiple times to the other and it caused the match to be a bunch of waiting around for the first and decisive fall, which made for a dull match until the last five minutes. Unfortunately that’s the case with almost all Iron Man matches and it certainly happened here too. Good match, but not as great as it’s hyped up to be.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: B. This was a one match show but the Diesel vs. Undertaker match was more than enough to help push it up to a higher level. This was still a bad time for the company but they were smart enough to go with a new direction. Shawn’s success as champion would be hit or miss on his best day but there was no question that this was the right move at the time. It’s not a great show, but when nearly half of it is spent on an entertaining enough match, the show is a success.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Global Warfare
Date: 1993
Host: Jimmy Hart
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

This is one of the Coliseum Videos released on the WWE Vault and I’m not sure what it’s going to be. It’s not the best time for the company as it’s in a transitional phase, with the New Generation coming in. That could go in a variety of ways and hopefully they don’t live down to this era’s reputation. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features bombs going off around the world as we seem to have a theme.

Jimmy Hart welcomes us to his home and says he’s excited about global warfare. That’s quite the odd statement to make. No one should know more about global warfare than him. That’s another quite the odd statement to make. Anyway, he talks about the theme songs (admitting he wrote them) of some of the wrestlers on the tape and brags about his music career. And now, to the first match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is defending and this is from the UK Rampage 1993 show, which was only so good overall. Crush powers him around to start as the fans are already doing their deal with the horns, which can get rather annoying in a hurry. Some more power sends Michaels into the corner and Crush grabs him with a bearhug to take over again. A backbreaker has Michaels in more trouble but he wins a chase around the ring and hammers away.

Crush grabs a gorilla press slam and holds him there for WAY longer than should be done before sending Michaels outside. Back in and a knee to the back knocks Crush outside, where Michaels gets in a posting to really take over for the first time. A DDT gives Michaels two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Crush blocks the superkick, setting up a legdrop…which sends Michaels bailing for the countout at 8:52.

Rating: C-. Yeah what else were they supposed to do here? Crush was on a roll and teasing getting the big Lex Luger push but you don’t want him to win the title. At the same time, it’s always a disappointing finish when someone just walks out, even if it makes sense for the options that they had available.

Post match Crush throws him back in for a beating, including the Head Vice. Crush holds up the belt like a moron, showing that he might have been perfect for the Luger push.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Jim Duggan

Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji, is less than a week after winning the WWF Title and losing it about a minute later. This is also singlet Duggan so you know it’s not going to be much to see. Duggan throws a chair inside and Yokozuna (in black for a weird but cool look) doesn’t really move. The right hands in the corner stagger Yokozuna a bit so Duggan grabs the 2×4, which is quickly taken away. Yokozuna chokes away on the ropes so Yokozuna comes back with more big right hands.

As usual, Yokozuna knows how to sell this stuff rather well and almost does the big fall before elbowing Duggan in the face. That sequence works so well that they just do it again, with Heenan suggesting that Duggan just hit Yokozuna in the face with the board. Instead he gets caught in a bearhug for a good while until Duggan bites his way out (Heenan: “THAT’LL WORK!”). Duggan avoids a charge into the corner and starts firing off the clotheslines to FINALLY knock him down. Fuji offers a distraction though and it’s a splash in the corner, setting up the Banzai Drop for the pin at 7:22.

Rating: C. It was basic and really simple with Duggan slugging away over and over, but dang he knows how to do that match rather well. There is something about Duggan that makes you want to see him knock a giant down. The match wasn’t good, but it was rather entertaining and that’s a good thing. At the same time, you could definitely see how much slimmer Yokozuna was here, with the tights clearly being padded to make him look bigger.

Hart is listening to music and professes his love of Coliseum Video. He also promises that Hulk Hogan will get the WWF Title back from Yokozuna. The other day, he and Hogan were in Boston and Hart wrote a new song using a Hulk pencil on a picture of Hogan. And yes, he’s wearing a Hogan shirt. Hart is nothing if not the biggest shill in wrestling history. Well one of them anyway.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Money Inc.

The Steiners are challenging and can’t get in the ring as IRS holds them off with the briefcase. The ring announcer says that if the Steiners aren’t allowed in and the briefcase isn’t taken to the back, the titles change hands. That’s enough for the Steiners to come in and clean house without much trouble.

We settle down to DiBiase headlocking Rick to start as the camera is staying rather wide for some reason. That’s reversed into a belly to belly for two on DiBiase and it’s already off to Scott to go after the arm. The camera goes to a LONG crowd shot, with Savage and Heenan both getting on him for not showing the match. We get back to the ring with DiBiase getting over for the tag to IRS, whose arm is cranked as well.

Scott uses the tie to take IRS down again as we shift to a normal camera shot as I’m rather confused by the whole direction so far. Anyway DiBiase sends Scott outside for a ram into some metal, allowing IRS to drop an elbow for two back inside. Commentary gets on the camera work again, even if things are at least somewhat settled down. DiBiase chokes Scott on the ropes and IRS gets in some cheap shots like a villain should be doing.

Scott fights out of a chinlock but goes the wrong way, with DiBiase almost feeding him into the right corner. Rick comes back in to clean house as everything breaks down. DiBiase’s piledriver is cut off and Scott adds a middle rope clothesline. IRS gets sent outside and the Frankensteiner hits DiBiase, only for IRS to come back in and….I guess the word would be tap Scott with the title for the DQ at 10:18.

Rating: C. The camera work was the focal point of this match and that’s a weird way to go. The venue was strange looking enough so maybe that’s why the camera stuff was so odd. Other than that, it was a rather just kind of there match with neither team exactly doing much. Then again, a Frankensteiner from Scott is always worth a look.

Post match the Steiners hold up the titles, marking the second time we’ve done the “they don’t know the rules” in three matches. It takes way too long to get on to the next match.

From Sheffield, England, April 11, 1993.

Mr. Perfect vs. Samu

Afa is here with Samu. They take their time to start and Samu shoves Perfect away, meaning they stare at each other again. Perfect’s headlock and a shoulder have Samu in a bit of trouble and he misses a crossbody. A crossbody works a bit better for Perfect (he is perfect after all) and some dropkicks have Samu on the floor, with the fans rather behind Perfect.

Back in and they tease a test of strength until Samu knocks him down to take over for the first time. A toss to the floor lets Afa get in a cheap shot, which has Perfect going after him. Heenan: “Come on Perfect, didn’t I teach you better than that?” Samu gets in a shot of his own, only for Perfect to go after the leg. That doesn’t work either as Samu and Afa both get in their own shots as the slow beating continues.

Samu hits a superkick, some headbutts to the head and a headbutt between the legs. As dull as this match has been, the fans are indeed staying with it so far. Perfect finally fights up and kicks away, only to get hit fairly low to cut off the comeback. A small package gives Perfect two but Samu knocks him outside. Perfect manages a quick crotching on the post to no avail but has to avoid a top rope splash. The PerfectPlex finishes for Perfect at 13:36.

Rating: C-. Thank goodness the fans were there to carry this as far as it got, as there was only so much for the whole thing. Perfect was beaten up here by half of a tag team. What else were you going to expect out of this kind of a setup? It was a match for the sake of letting the fans see Mr. Perfect, but it wasn’t much for anyone outside of the arena.

Hart is listening to Crank It Up (dig that Young Stallions song) and then brags about doing the song for Bret Hart’s next match.

From Barcelona, Spain, April 24, 1993.

Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow powers him around to start and then runs Hart over with a shoulder. Back in and Hart starts in on the arm and drops a leg onto it, allowing commentary to talk about wrestlers taping up fake injuries to trick their opponents. Something close to an elbow sends Bigelow to the floor and Hart gets to pose, which isn’t his style most of the time. This time Bigelow gets smart and rams him into the post, followed by a second shot to keep Hart down.

Back in and Bigelow stomps away as Hart is clearly near total destruction. The bearhug goes on back inside, with Heenan thinking a spinebuster could work well here. Instead it’s a big belly to back suplex for two and it’s off to an over the shoulder backbreaker. Hart slips out and manages his own suplex, which has Heenan losing his mind over Hart pulling that off.

Bigelow is right back up with a nasty butterfly backbreaker, only to miss the top rope headbutt. Hart fights up and hits the usual, setting up a middle rope clothesline. The sharpshooter attempt is broken up so Bigelow tries a bearhug, which is broken up with a bite to the face. Another belly to back attempt is cut off though and Bigelow crashes onto Hart. Back up and a splash misses in the corner, allowing Hart to grab a victory roll for the victory at 11:55.

Rating: B. It might not have been their King Of The Ring final but Hart knows exactly how to do a match like this. As usual, Hart felt like he was getting close to death before pulling off the miracle win in the end. Good stuff here, as Bigelow could do the monster role rather well, especially with this kind of an opponent.

From Paris, France, April 8, 1993.

Crush vs. Doink The Clown

Wrestlemania rematch. Doink hides underneath the ring to start but gets caught coming back in to to start the beating early. Crush knocks him outside and the chase is on, with Doink’s stomps not having much effect back inside. There’s an atomic drop to make Doink gyrate a bit and a figure four necklock has Doink down even longer.

Crush hits a backbreaker but misses a knee, giving Doink a needed target. The knee is wrapped around the post and Doink slowly stomp away in the corner. Crush finally fights up and knocks him to the floor, setting up the head vice. Doink slips out though and walks away for the countout at 8:15.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match in a series of them. The idea of Doink was that he would play mind games and mess with people but here he was just having a boring match. Also, if you want Crush to be seen as a big deal, maybe don’t have his two matches on the same tape end with the same finish.

Jimmy Hart is impressed by all of the new technology and then talks about Shawn Michaels, who isn’t in the next match.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Scott Steiner vs. IRS

Neither of their partners are here for a change. IRS hides in the ropes to start, which might not be the worst idea. A battle of wrist control sends IRS to the ropes again before he does manage to get in a shot to the head. Steiner is sent outside as JR complains about not being able to find a chicken fried steak last night. Back in and a powerslam into a headlock has IRS in trouble for a change and he bails again as they’re not exactly getting into a higher gear so far.

Back in again and Steiner takes him down by the arm, only for IRS to go outside AGAIN. This time IRS gets back in and they run the ropes a bit until Steiner is sent outside, because Heaven forbid they keep anything going. A ram into the steps keeps Steiner in trouble but he gets his knees up to block a splash. IRS bails into the corner as commentary talks about how we don’t have timeouts here. BECAUSE THIS MATCH HAS BEEN SO ACTION PACKED! Steiner charges into a boot in the corner and gets two with his feet on the ropes. The referee waves that off and Steiner gets a sunset flip for the pin at 10:06.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t so much that it was a bad match but geez this was boring. IRS wasn’t exactly known for keeping the pace up and the stalling did make sense as he was trying to keep Steiner from getting to a higher gear, but that doesn’t make it fun to watch. This tape hasn’t been much to see thus far and this didn’t help at all.

From Milan, Italy, April 25, 1993.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Mr. Fuji and Paul Bearer are here too. To say they stall for a good while here is an understatement, as Bearer takes nearly two minutes to get out of the ring. They stare each other down and Yokozuna’s shots to the head not doing much. The running DDT plants Yokozuna but he hits a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor. A ram into the steps staggers Undertaker again and the big leg…does pretty much nothing back inside. Yokozuna hits a clothesline but Undertaker gets back up so it’s a bucket shot to Undertaker’s head for the DQ at 5:42.

Rating: D. Sweet goodness this the perfect way to wrap up this pretty terrible tape. They barely did anything, with over a third of the match being spent on them standing around and staring at each other before any contact. Then they just do another DQ, which is fine for the sake of not wanting Yokozuna to look weak, but GEEZ that’s a lot of non-finishes in one sitting.

Post match Yokozuna misses the Banzai Drop and gets “chokeslammed” (eh fair enough given the size) to send him running.

Hart gives us something of an inspirational message about never giving up and going for your dreams…and then praises Hulk Hogan, even posing to Real American to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D. As usual, leave it to Hart to have the only good match on a terrible collection of wrestling. I know it’s the European tour so things aren’t going to be up to their usual standards, but sweet goodness this was dull. It’s not a good sign when the second best part of a collection is how odd the arena in Paris looked. Just lame stuff all around and it’s easy to see why 1993 is not the best time the company ever had.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

It’s the Gulf War show, as Hulk Hogan is fighting to get the WWF Title back from former American hero turned Iraqi sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter. If that sounds like one of the worst ideas for a Wrestlemania main event ever, you have quite the memory for these things. Other than that we have Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior in a match that actually belongs in a big spot at Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about the stars and stripes with only Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter being shown.

Willie Nelson sings America The Beautiful.

Jim Duggan joins commentary for the first match, while saying that Hulk Hogan going after Sgt. Slaughter is like the military going after Saddam Hussein.

The Rockers know they’re ready for Haku and the Barbarian, whether they are part of the Heenan Family or not.

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Haku and Barbarian, with Bobby Heenan, are already in the ring in a move that could cut down on so much Wrestlemania time these days. Shawn and Haku start things off as the fans are already yelling about Heenan. Haku whips him into the corner a few times but a shoulder and some right hands get Shawn out of trouble. Marty comes in for the double elbow but Barbarian clotheslines both Rockers inside out.

Back up and a double superkick drops Barbarian and it’s time for pointers with the Brain (jot that down for a talk show idea). We settle back down to Marty sunset flipping Barbarian for two before working over the arm. Haku comes back in for a double headbutt and an assisted hot shot has Marty in even more trouble. The gorilla press plants Marty again and Barbarian even draws Shawn in so double choking can ensue.

A hard whip into the corner gives Barbarian two more and we hit the required bearhug (What took them so long?). Marty tries to fight back but gets caught in a heck of a powerslam to cut him off again. Barbarian misses the top rope headbutt though and there’s the tag to Shawn. House is quickly cleaned, including a middle rope crossbody to Barbarian. Everything breaks down and it’s a double clothesline to Barbarian. Marty missile Barbarian and Shawn adds a high crossbody for the pin at 10:33.

Rating: C+. The middle felt a little bit long but this was a perfectly fine power vs. speed tag match. The Rockers are one of the better speed teams from around this time and they were a great choice for an opener. Haku and Barbarian on the other hand were perfectly acceptable monsters, making this a rather nice way to get the crowd fired up. It would have been a heck of a house show match (and probably was more than once) and that worked well in this spot.

We get our celebrity interviews with Regis Philbin (scared of Earthquake), Marla Maples (future wife of Donald Trump and tonight’s guest timekeeper) and Alex Trebek (Jeopardy jokes abound). I love Jeopardy and Regis can be funny, but these are about as cringe as you can get.

Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado

Jimmy Hart is here with Bravo, who jumps Tornado at the bell and clotheslines him out to the floor in an early heap. Back in and Tornado slugs away but can’t get the Claw. Bravo knocks him down again and drops an elbow for two, setting up the side slam. The delayed cover gets two and there’s a middle rope elbow to the back of Tornado’s head. Bravo goes up but dives into the Claw, setting up the Tornado Punch for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D. This is the match that I cite for why I don’t redo every Wrestlemania (or any show) very often. There are only so many ways you can talk about a nothing match like this with no build and almost no time. Tornado was past his expiration date and Bravo would be gone, save for mostly house shows, after this, so what were they supposed to do here?

Slick and the Warlord are ready to beat British Bulldog. Sweet goodness I was scared of Warlord’s half mask back then and it’s still an awesome look to this day.

Bulldog says he can powerslam Warlord.

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Slick is here with Warlord but Bulldog has his mascot Winston (he’s no Matilda). This is power vs. power so Warlord starts with the clubbing forearm to the back. Bulldog runs him over with some shoulders and Warlord is already on the floor for a breather. Back in and Warlord counters the crucifix into something like a Samoan drop as things slow way back down. The bearhug goes on for a bit before Bulldog charges into a hot shot to cut the comeback right back off.

We hit the chinlock, with Heenan even complaining about how sloppy Warlord has it on. With that broken up, Bulldog dropkicks him into the corner and hammers away, setting up a crossbody for two. The piledriver is blocked so Bulldog settles for two off a sunset flip instead. Bulldog misses a charge though and Warlord gets most of the full nelson, minus the fingers being locked. The incomplete version is broken up and Bulldog hits the powerslam for the pin at 8:10.

Rating: C. This was another house show style match as Bulldog gets an impressive win, with that powerslam still looking great. Warlord is up there with the most generic monster villains you can get but he looked good enough that beating him still felt like something of a big deal. These two could have some nice power matches though and they made a basic story work well here.

The Nasty Boys, with Jimmy Hart, are ready to win the Tag Team Titles, even if it means beating the Hart Foundation. They destroy Gene handkerchief to warm up.

The Hart Foundation are ready for a fight but say the Nastys can’t crack, move or break the foundation.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Nastys, with Jimmy Hart (in a helmet), are challenging and Macaulay Culkin is in the audience, with Monsoon thankfully recognizing him. Sags punches away at Bret to start but Bret is back with a Thesz press and right hands (….hey). Bret cuts off a kick to the ribs and stomps Sags in the abdomen (or bread basket, whichever you prefer). Knobbs comes in to hammer on Neidhart in the corner, which of course is just fine with Neidhart.

The hard shoulders send Knobbs to the floor before it’s time to work on the arm back inside. It’s back to Sags, who gets taken down again by Neidhart, allowing Bret to hammer away as well. The Russian legsweep into the middle rope elbow connects but Bret has to cut off an interfering Knobbs. That’s enough for Sags to get in a cheap shot so the Nastys can actually take over for a change.

Bret is knocked to the floor for a breather, followed by a hard whip into the corner back inside as the pace stays slow. The reverse chinlock goes on for a good while before Knobbs comes in for one of his own. Sags grabs a third reverse chinlock, followed by Knobbs dropping elbows to the bad back.

Make that four reverse chinlocks until Bret finally avoids a charge in the corner. The tag to Neidhart isn’t seen but Knobbs runs into Sags by mistake, allowing Neidhart to come in legally. House is cleaned and a powerslam gets two on Knobbs. The Nastys collide again and the Hart Attack hits Knobbs. There’s no referee though, allowing Sags to get in a shot with Jimmy’s helmet to give Knobbs the pin and the titles at 12:00.

Rating: C. There were good sections, but how in the world can four straight reverse chinlocks be the best you have? Mixing it up at least a little big really shouldn’t be too much to ask but apparently that wasn’t going to happen here. This was a way to get some fresh blood in the tag division, which would be needed as the Harts were more or less done after this, with Bret moving into his singles career.

We recap Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts. Martel went to spray Jake’s snake bag with cologne (because reasons) but sprayed Jake in the eyes. Roberts was blinded as a result, though he managed to DDT Brother Love at one point. His eyes were messed up for months but now he’s back for a blindfold match.

Roberts says snakes have five senses but they always do it better in the dark.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

They’re both in hoods and if you ignore being able to see the eye hole when Jake puts his on, it makes for a good visual. Roberts goes smart early on by having the crowd help him find Martel. There’s no contact for the first minute until both of them stumble over the other a bit. Jake gets two off a rollup and then steps around Martel’s backdrop attempt (because that’s the kind of thing you do when you can’t see).

The pointing thing results in a collision and a pair of missed charges. Then to mix it up a bit, they miss each other again. Martel finally catches him with a slam but misses the elbow drop as Gorilla and Bobby suddenly can’t hear each other. Martel corners the referee in the corner as Jake is in another corner to start the pointing. With that not working, Jake starts clapping to get Martel to come over. This one actually works, but they crash into the ropes. Heenan: “Why doesn’t Martel lift the hood up and peak?” Gorilla: “That’s cheating!” Heenan: “SO WHAT???”

A headlock doesn’t work for Jake as Martel sends him outside. Heenan: “Excuse me. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!” Martel follows him out and pokes around with a chair, with the swing only hitting the post. Back in and Martel hits a backbreaker to set up the Boston crab. With that broken up in a hurry (so much for Martel’s finisher), Jake grabs the DDT for the pin at 8:31.

Rating: D. This match isn’t something that works well on second viewings, as there are so many instances where it is clear that they can see each other. Roberts getting the win is the feel good moment, but it took its sweet time getting there. Not as completely horrible as I remember it, but it doesn’t work very well if you’re paying attention.

Post match Jake busts up the Arrogance atomizer and puts Damien on Martel.

Marla Maples is in the locker room where the Nasty Boys, Jimmy Hart and the Mountie are celebrating the Tag Team Title win. Dino Bravo and Earthquake come in with more champagne and Marla is surrounded. That’s it for her, as this isn’t exactly a great celebrity cameo. What exactly was nasty about a big celebration anyway?

Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker of course. Snuka stares at Undertaker as we cut to Bearer looking….well weird to everyone else, normal for him. Undertaker sends him into the corner a few times before knocking Snuka outside in a heap. A suplex brings Snuka back in but he manages a few strikes for a breather. Snuka’s missed charge only hits ropes though and it’s another crash to the floor, followed by the Tombstone to make Undertaker 1-0 at Wrestlemania at 4:20.

Rating: D+. It’s always kind of interesting that one of the most important things in the company’s history started off as such a nothing match. This was little more than a squash as Snuka had absolutely nothing. The Tombstone alone was worth a look, though Undertaker was still figuring a lot of things out at this point.

We recap Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior in a career threatening match. Savage wanted a shot at Warrior’s WWF Title but got turned down (despite Sherri’s suggestive advances). As a result, Savage cheated like crazy to cost Warrior the title to Sgt. Slaughter. Warrior wants revenge, and their careers are on the line. This is FAR more interesting than the real main event as it has a more personal story and could go either way.

Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

Before the match, Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth in the crowd, looking a bit distraught. Savage, with Queen Sherri, gets his big throne entrance and Warrior makes it weird by walking to the ring. They take their time to get going until Warrior powers him away. Savage bounces off of him and it’s time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Warrior chokes away before hitting an atomic drop, though things are still moving fairly slowly.

Sherri’s interference fails and Warrior punches Savage down again. Savage finally comes back with that running clothesline but Warrior pulls a high crossbody out of the air (that’s always impressive). Instead of slamming Savage down though, Warrior sits him down to start up the mind games. Said games cause Savage to throw in a chair but Warrior punches him down again. Warrior finally misses a charge into the corner though and Sherri stomps away on the floor.

Savage’s top rope ax handle has a bit more impact but Warrior shoves Sherri down anyway. A posting drops Warrior and Sherri, not taking this lying down, kicks away at Warrior. As Gorilla says this is officially the largest pay per view audience in the history of pay per view, Warrior gets two off a backslide for a breather. Warrior hits the clothesline and runs the ropes a bunch, only to miss the shoulder.

Savage grabs the chinlock for a bit before Warrior fights up. A double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and they’re both rather winded. Back up and Warrior actually grabs a small package but Sherri has the referee. Savage knees Warrior in the back to send him into the referee and now things are getting going. Sherri comes in off the top with her shoe but hits Savage by mistake, meaning it’s time for Warrior to go a-stalking.

A rollup (seemingly with trunks) gives Savage two and he sends Warrior hard into the corner. Savage clotheslines him in the back of the head and drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow….for two, just in case you didn’t know who was winning here.

Warrior Warriors Up and hits the shoulders into the gorilla press drop. The Warrior Splash connects for two and now Warrior is stunned. Warrior looks up, then looks at his hands, and starts walking up the aisle. Instead of taking the countout, Savage jumps him from behind and goes up top, only to miss his dive onto the barricade. Back in and Warrior’s flying shoulder sends Savage outside again. They get back in and do it again, as Savage’s bumps off the shoulder here are awesome. A third running shoulder sends Savage outside again and Warrior throws him back inside. Savage is DONE and Warrior gets the pin at 20:47.

Rating: A-. This felt like an epic showdown between two top stars and that is what it was supposed to be. You don’t get this kind of a match very often around the WWF and they made it work on every front. The ending scene of Savage being completely defeated made it look like the better man won, even with Savage and Sherri cheating every chance they could. Outstanding match here and it still more than holds up.

Post match Warrior leaves and Sherri berates Savage as he still can’t get up. She even kicks him over and over….until Elizabeth jumps the barricade and chases Sherri off (the ultra rare instance of her getting physical). Savage finally gets up and sees Elizabeth, leaving him very confused. Elizabeth stretches out her arms and Savage finally hugs her to a huge roar. Savage puts her on his shoulder and then holds the ropes open for her, because things have finally changed before them.

This is the moment that can still bring a bit of a tear to the eye of fans of my generation because it was YEARS in the making and the fans were begging Savage to take her back by the end. It’s Savage FINALLY being at peace and getting his happy ending after leaving it all in the ring. This is still one of the best things that WWE has ever done and it still gets to me, even if I’ve seen it dozens of times.

And now, a debate on instant replay in wrestling, with Vince McMahon moderating the discussion between New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and NFL analyst Paul Maguire. Steinbrenner wants instant replay but if it takes more than a minute to get the call right, fire them. Vince: “What do you mean fire him? Like, from his job?” Maguire doesn’t like the idea and insults Steinbrenner over his comments. We get an instant replay, as looked at by the Bushwhackers, which results in the tape being ruined. Their ruling: the tape is inconclusive, therefore the play stands. This was bizarre to put it mildly, which might be why it isn’t on the Peacock version.

We run down what is left on the show as this feels like an intermission. Gorilla and Bobby talk about what has gone on so far, with Heenan saying if he was Savage, he would rather have some money than a skirt.

Regis Philbin interviews Undertaker and Paul Bearer, with Undertaker taking measurements for….reasons. Puns about being alive ensue.

Alex Trebek interviews Demolition, with Mr. Fuji, who yell a lot and scare Trebek a bit. Trebek tries to turn it into something Jeopardy-ish and the yelling gets has him throwing it back to Regis.

Regis tries to talk to Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao about their match but can only use Japanese company names. They want to know where Kathy Lee (the co-host of his talk show) is and it doesn’t go well.

Jake Roberts and Damien scare Trebek off. Roberts tells Damien that he’ll have to settle for the home version of Jeopardy.

Those four segments? They were really, really bad.

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

This is Crush/Smash, with Mr. Fuji, in the very last try to push the team as meaning anything. Tenryu and Kitao are here as part of a partnership with Tenryu’s SWS promotion. Demolition jumps Kitao to start but Kitao knees Crush against the ropes. A distraction lets Smash get in a shot from behind though and Demolition takes over. Crush hits a top rope ax handle to the back as the fans aren’t exactly interested here. Kitao gets over for the tag off to Tenryu, who misses a top rope elbow. The Demolition Decapitator is loaded up but Kitao makes a save. Tenryu enziguris Smash and a powerbomb gives Tenryu the pin at 4:40.

Rating: D. Call it a style clash, call it Demolition being worthless at this point or call it the WWF not getting why this would be a bad idea, but this really did not work in any sense. The Ax/Smash version of Demolition was great, but the Crush/Smash version was Demolition in name only. This was more or less it for Demolition and based on this, that is the best thing for everyone involved.

Big Boss Man is tired of Bobby Heenan talking about his mama and has run through the Heenan Family. Now Mr. Perfect, and the Intercontinental Title, are all that’s left.

Bobby Heenan references the Rodney King beating and promises you’ll see something similar when Mr. Perfect beats up the Big Boss Man.

Intercontinental Title: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Boss Man is challenging after spending months beating up the rest of the Heenan Family (Rick Rude was originally going to be included but he left the company in the fall). Alfred Hayes is joining commentary to replace Heenan, who is in Perfect’s corner. Boss Man catches Perfect’s towel and cleans himself off with it, much to Perfect’s annoyance. Perfect gets knocked around as the beating is on, including Perfect charging into a boot in the corner.

There’s the big toss over the top and you know Perfect is going to take a huge bump off that one. Back in and Boss Man takes off his belt, only to have Perfect take him away and start hammering him down. Some shots to the back keep Boss Man in trouble and we hit the abdominal stretch. With that broken up, a good looking dropkick gives Perfect two and the neck snap makes it worse.

The PerfectPlex is countered into a small package for two but Perfect knocks him down again. Perfect goes up and dives onto a raised boot, setting up the ram into the buckle for another huge Perfect bump. Boss Man crotches him against the post but a Heenan distraction lets Perfect send him into the steps.

With the numbers advantage causing issues, Andre the Giant (oh boy) comes out to….well it’s not exactly even but it definitely changes things. As you might expect, Heenan panics so Perfect goes after Andre, who smacks him in the face with the Intercontinental Title. A VERY delayed cover gets two and here are Haku and Barbarian to jump Boss Man for the DQ at 10:46.

Rating: C. There was a lot going on here but I still don’t get why Boss Man didn’t win the title. That would seem to be the most obvious ending but instead it just goes nowhere, with Boss Man getting the “feel good” win. Perfect very easily could have wont he title back a month or so later, but at least we got one more Andre appearance where he looked somewhat mobile.

Gene Okerlund interviews……Donald Trump, who hopes to have Wrestlemania back in Atlantic City. Chuck Norris is here too, and thinks the wrestlers are great athletes, even name dropping Argentina Rocca of all people. Henry Winkler is happy the Ultimate Warrior won. Lou Ferrigno finds this really entertaining. I need a Christmas special where those four get together and save Santa Claus.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Jimmy Hart is here with Earthquake. This is my regular chance to ask what the heck the WWF was thinking by making Valentine a good guy around this time. Earthquake starts fast and hits an early powerslam for two as the dominance seems to be on. Valentine avoids a charge in the corner and slowly hammers away. A running elbow to the head actually puts Earthquake down on one knee and a middle rope version actually knocks him down. The Figure Four is blocked and Hart offers a distraction, allowing Earthquake to drop the elbow. The Earthquake finishes Valentine at 3:17.

Rating: D+. The match was fine enough and Valentine got in some offense, but there is only so much that you can get out of this situation. Earthquake cleaned Valentine out and beat him without much effort. I’m still not sure who saw Valentine as a good guy but to call it a flop would be too kind.

The Legion of Doom promise to make Power And Glory sour and gory. That’s a heck of a line.

Legion of Doom vs. Power And Glory

Slick is here with Power And Glory. The Doomsday Device finishes Roma at 58 seconds and the LOD wants the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Virgil had been mistreated for years and FINALLY snapped at the Royal Rumble after a tag match with DiBiase. Roddy Piper has been supporting Virgil, despite Piper being in a horrible motorcycle accident that has left him barely able to walk at the moment.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Roddy Piper is here with Virgil, who punches DiBiase outside to start. With DiBiase back inside, Virgil punches him right back to the floor. Back in again and DiBiase gets clotheslined to the floor as the frustrations continue. A slower DiBiase gets back inside and this time a few shots slow Virgil down.

The beating is on, including a piledriver for two as commentary talks about how big of a show this has been. A suplex drops Virgil again and DiBiase heads outside to deck Piper. Back in and a powerslam gives DiBiase two but Piper uses his crutch to low bridge DiBiase to the floor. DiBiase goes after Piper but gets counted out at 7:42.

Rating: C-. As has been said, the problem with Virgil is that there just wasn’t anything there in the ring. His punches were his best weapon, as other than that, he was as generic as you could get. Getting the win over DiBiase was a nice moment, but they didn’t exactly make it feel like a big deal. It would have been too much to see Virgil pin him, but this wasn’t exactly thrilling.

Post match DiBiase goes after Piper’s knee again, with Sherri running in to help with the beating. Some crutch shots to the knee have Piper in trouble but Virgil gets up for the save. Piper is in agony but Virgil tells him to get up. Then Piper gets up with Virgil’s help.

Sean Mooney sends us to a recap of Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan. Slaughter has been playing by a new set of rules, including burning a Hulk Rules shirt. Adnan and Slaughter come in, with Adnan ranting a lot before we look at Slaughter jumping Hogan recently. Slaughter threatens to get himself disqualified or counted out in the main event. It doesn’t help that Slaughter getting disqualified or counted out was his best chance to retain the title.

Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Just in case the show hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Santana knocks him outside to start and hammers away back inside but Jimmy Hart slips Mountie the shock stick. One electrocution (and a joke about bad Mexican food from Heenan) and Santana is done at 1:21. This might be the all time definition of needless filler.

Hulk Hogan promises to use secret weapons to win the WWF Title. And no, a beating from Sgt. Slaughter isn’t slowing him down.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter, with General Adnan, is defending, Marla Maples is the guest timekeeper, Alex Trebek is the guest ring announcer and Regis Philbin is on commentary. Hogan chases Adnan and Slaughter around to start before Slaughter even takes the belt off. We then pause for Slaughter to get ready before hitting the stall button for a bit longer. They lock up (accidentally knocking the referee down) and slaughter is sent into the corner.

Back up and Hogan runs him over with a shoulder, sending the champ outside. Slaughter grabs a chair but Hogan is waiting for him. Instead they head back inside, where Slaughter pokes him in the eye to take over. Heenan has to explain some of the backstory to Regis as Hogan slugs away to put Slaughter in the corner. Some rams into the buckle keep Slaughter in trouble as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far.

There’s a backdrop to Slaughter and a running knee sends him into the corner again. A catapult into the corner sets up the raining down right hands but Slaughter knocks a diving Hogan out of the air. Hogan shrugs that off and drops a bunch of elbows before going to the top (oh dear) where Adnan’s distraction lets Slaughter slam him down. Now a chair to the back can keep Hogan down on the floor, followed by the slow beating back inside.

Slaughter complains about the speed of a two count and the referee yells right back. The Boston crab goes on, all of four inches from the rope, so Hogan tries to power out anyway. With that not working, Hogan grabs the rope to escape, which feels pretty out of character. Some knees to the back set up a top rope knee to the back but for some reason Adnan distracts the referee, allowing Hogan to kick out.

A chair to the head busts Hogan open so Slaughter pounds away on the head and grabs the camel clutch. Hogan powers up again and escapes but Slaughter sends him into the corner. Slaughter puts the Iraqi flag onto Hogan and that’s enough for the Hulk Up. Said flag is destroyed and Hogan throws the punches, setting up the big boot and leg to get the title back at 20:22. Monsoon: “The war is now officially over.”

Rating: C+. The problem here is that it isn’t a bad match, but it might be the most obvious result in the history of….well perhaps human kind. Desert Storm was already over so this was just a formality, as Slaughter was a short form champion from the second he won the belt. Hogan did his normal match here, albeit a bit longer than usual, and the Hulk Up was short even by his standards. It’s completely fine, but with the war already over, it was nowhere near the feel good, special moment they were hoping it would be.

Hogan poses and waves the American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show that has good pieces but DESPERATELY needed to be trimmed down. Would anyone have missed Earthquake vs. Valentine, Santana vs. Mountie or Von Erich vs. Bravo? The main event is on the lower end of Wrestlemania main events and the celebrity stuff is horrid. At the same time, Warrior vs. Savage is a classic and there is some other good stuff in there, but they really needed to cut this down by at least thirty minutes to get rid of some of the drag.

 

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2023 Redo: C+

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D-
2023 Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: C-
2023 Redo: C

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F
2013 Redo: F
2015 Redo: F-
2023 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2023 Redo: A-

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D-
2023 Redo: D

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: F+
2015 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2023 Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D+
2023 Redo: C-

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2023 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: B-
2023 Redo: C-

I’ve really come down on this one over the years and other than maybe boosting up Savage vs. Warrior a bit more, I’m not sure how I had some of those earlier ratings.

Here is the original if you’re interested:

The 2013 Edition:

And the 2015 Edition:http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/16/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vii-no-that-isnt-a-tear-in-my-eye/

 

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