That’s nice of them.

Do you know who has never lost on the biggest PPV of the year for whatever company he was in?Rob Van Dam:

3-0 at November to Remember

4-0 at Wrestlemania

3-0 at Bound For Glory

Is anyone else undefeated at all the major shows they’ve wrestled at other than the MMA Cowboy of Death?

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 4, 2013
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

We’re inching closer to Wrestlemania and the Raw World Title match is set. Rock is going to be defending against John Cena, who locked up his spot as #1 contender after winning a masterpiece of a match against CM Punk last week. That now leaves Punk without an opponent for Wrestlemania so maybe tonight we’ll find out who that is. The rest of the card will likely continue to take shape as well. It’s also Old School Raw II which was incredibly entertaining the first time around. Let’s get to it.

After we see the new WWE logo and the old school Raw entrance from the early 90s, we hear a gong go off in the arena as the Undertaker makes his return. He appears on stage and a Wrestlemania logo appears behind him…and that’s that. Ok then. Also the set is the old RAW letters.

After a quick video on the history of Raw, (and a shot of Cole in the snappy yellow blazer and King in full royal attire), here’s CM Punk to really get us going. We have the old school red, white and blue ropes and the guardrail instead of a barricade. Punk talks about being cheated out of the world title last week by the fans (not exactly sure how) and if he isn’t fighting for the world title at Wrestlemania, what’s the point in fighting at all? Then he saw that Undertaker was back and changed his thoughts. if he can’t be world champion, he might as well be the guy that makes Undertaker 20-1.

Randy Orton comes out though because he has other ideas. Orton thinks that since he’s been the dominant predator in WWE in the last few years, he should get the chance to avenge his past loss to Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Big Show adds his name into things and says it should be a giant facing the Undertaker. Sheamus thinks he should get a shot too since he’s never lost to Undertaker, but Vickie Guerrero interrupts before anyone else can add their names. Tonight it’s a fatal fourway between Orton, Punk, Sheamus and Big Show with the winner facing Undertaker at Wrestlemania.

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here. Ryback starts off fast and rams into Cesaro to send him flying away. Back in and Ryback hits a fast suplex for no cover, sending Cesaro to the floor again. Ryback goes out to get him this time but is knocked into the old school barricade, stopping the monster cold. Cesaro throws him back in and pounds away as we take a break. Back with Cesaro countering the Meat Hook with the European Uppercut and loading up the Neutralizer, only for Ryback to counter into the Shell Shock in mid lift for the pin at 8:01.

Rating: D+. This is getting stale in a hurry. As I’ve complained about on Smackdown lately, having the same match over and over again isn’t interesting but rather repetitive. We don’t gain anything from seeing Ryback beat Cesaro over and over again. It doesn’t do anything for either guy and other than the ending, this wasn’t anything interesting.

Post match Mark Henry comes out and stares down Ryback but walks past him towards the ring instead of starting a fight.

Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry

This is about what you would expect: Ryder gets in a few punches and it’s the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin at 54 seconds.

The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Before the match, Miz has something to say but can’t get his microphone to work. Once he does, he introduces Ric Flair to be in his corner. Feeling out process to start until Ziggler takes over with some shots in the corner. Miz fights back with a shot to the face and sends Ziggler out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ziggler kicking Miz in the leg and putting on a chinlock, complete with a fancy bridge. Miz fights up and pounds away on Ziggler before sliding through his legs for two off a sunset flip.

The Reality Check gets two and Miz goes after the knee, only to be caught in a DDT. The Zig Zag is avoided but Ziggler grabs the sleeper hold instead. Miz rolls out of it and tosses Ziggler in the air so he crashes onto the mat below. A corner clothesline by Miz sets up the top rope ax handle but as the referee is checking on Ziggler, big E. Langston attacks Miz. Flair goes after Langston to no avail, but back in the ring Miz takes out Ziggler’s leg and puts on the Figure Four for the submission at 10:14.

Rating: C-. I was hoping we were away from the whole Miz/Flair thing but naturally we have to keep it going. It doesn’t make anyone look better but rather just gets makes Miz look like a guy doing stuff completely against his nature. The Figure Four doesn’t fit for him and it’s not like the hold is a big upgrade for him or anything. I’m thinking Ziggler doesn’t get the title anymore, as he becomes more of a jobber every night.

It’s time for Point/Counterpoint with the Rock and John Cena so here’s the WWE Champion. Rock has to wait for the fans to stop cheering before he can talk. He talks about being in Panama recently but he knew he was coming to Raw so he was packing. Apparently a woman at the airport named Donna said he needed a jacket. Rock called her Sally because it doesn’t matter what her name is, but he doesn’t need a jacket because of the electricity inside him.

Then he got here and SWEET GOODNESS it was COLD. Not that it mattered though because FINALLY the Rock had come back to Buffalo. He’s been looking forward to this day for a long time because it means we’re 34 days from Wrestlemania. Cue John Cena for an interruption, or perhaps he’s the counterpoint. Cena talks about how Rock has conquered everything he’s done and therefore doesn’t know what it’s like to fail. Last year Cena talked about how he had to win the match last year but he didn’t do that.

The fans chant CENA SUCKS as Cena talks about how this is his chance to rewrite history. It was no coincidence that he won the Royal Rumble on the same night that Rock won the WWE Title or that he finally beat Punk when it mattered most. The loss to the Rock is the reason everything fell apart for him last year but he gets a chance to rewrite history and he won’t let it pass by.

Rock is glad to see the fire back in Cena because Cena was the man that Rock wanted to face at Wrestlemania. The Rock knows what the WWE Championship means to Cena and that no one in the WWE locker room has the fire and desire to win like Cena……except the Rock. As much as it means to Cena, it means that much more to the Rock. When the Rock gets to connect with all of the fans, that means more to Rock than anything.

Cena quotes WWE Hall of Famer Mike Tyson by talking about wanting to eat Rock’s children. It’s a shame that Tyson is remembered for that, because Tyson also said that in order to be the best man living, you have to beat everyone else. The Rock is the only thing Cena hasn’t been able to conquer. At Wrestlemania 29, the Rock’s time is up and Cena’s time is now. Rock says his time is just getting started. He has a quote for Cena: winning is about heart, but you have to have it in the right place. That’s from Lance Armstrong and he was full of nonsense just like Cena.

Cena says Rock has the same confidence that he had a year ago. In 34 days, Cena is making history by becoming the WWE Champion again. Rock says the difference between the two of them is that Cena thinks he can beat Rock but Rock knows he can beat Cena. At Wrestlemania, Rock is beating Cena again, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Jack Swagger vs. Jim Duggan

Swagger gets no entrance and Duggan has Sgt. Slaughter and Dusty Rhodes with him. Jack steals the 2×4 and stands on the floor for a bit before bringing the board into the ring with him and knocking out Duggan with it. He beats up the other legends as well and I don’t think the bell ever rang to end this. We’ll say it lasted about 45 seconds.

Swagger puts Duggan in the ankle lock post match.

We get a trailer for Marine 3.

After a break, Swagger says this is his America, but Del Rio jumps him, triggering a brawl in the back.

Ted DiBiase Sr. is at ringside for the next match.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

This is non-title and apparently if the Players win, DiBiase might be their manager. Kane and Young start things off but it’s quickly off to Bryan to work on Young’s arm. He fires off kicks at Darren and dropkicks him down for two. Off to Titus who runs over Bryan and suplexes Young down onto Daniel’s chest. Back to Darren for some fist drops for two before it’s back to Titus.

After a quick chinlock, Bryan avoids a charging Titus in the corner. It’s off to Kane vs. Young now with the big man running over Darren. A low dropkick has Young in trouble and there are some clotheslines in the corner. A side slam gets two for Kane as everything breaks down. Titus is low bridged to the floor and Bryan hits the running knee off the apron to take him down. Darren goes up to the middle rope but jumps into the chokeslam for the pin at 3:45.

As Tensai (now called Sweet T) and Brodus dance, here’s Honky Tonk Man. Before he can say anything though, the dancing fat guys’ opponents, 3MB, takes his mic away. Slater tells him to go back to Vegas with the other Elvis impersonators and get out of the ring.

3MB vs. Tensai/Brodus Clay

It’s Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater here. Drew pounds away in the corner to start but gets rolled up and pinned in 25 seconds.

Post match everyone dances and Slater gets hit with a guitar.

Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango

Fandango has a good looking ballroom dancer with him. Before the match though, Fandango says he won’t debut until Justin Roberts can pronounce his name correctly. Roberts tries a few times but Fandango isn’t pleased. No match.

We recap the HHH/Lesnar confrontation that opened Raw last week.

Here’s HHH to address Lesnar. The name graphic says that HHH is a superstar instead of the COO or whatever his job title is. HHH says he hasn’t been in the ring since eight days after Summerslam. He talked about how he might be done but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince us or himself. After the cast was off, he was right back in the gym training. He didn’t have a goal in mind though because he was doing his day job in a suit, even cutting his hair to look the part.

Then he found himself sitting in a hospital room next to an old man that just had hip replacement surgery. HHH put aside his wife and kids crying, because now he had a reason. Then the old man got out of his bed and got beaten up by Brock Lesnar again, but it made HHH happy because now he has a reason. If Lesnar thinks they’re done, reach on top of your head and feel the staples that closed the cut on Lesnar’s head. HHH says it’s no coincidence that he’s here five weeks from Wrestlemania, because he’s calling Lesnar out. It’s up to Lesnar now.

Shield talks about how Sheamus, Orton and Big Show are throwing their hat in the ring to face Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Rollins talks about how Shield has an undefeated streak of their own, so maybe people trying to make history should remember that the eye of justice is always watching. Big Show isn’t getting another cheap shot on them either like he did on Smackdown.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title of course. Wade pounds away in the corner to start but gets caught in the Backstabber for his efforts. Swagger and Colter come out to watch on the stage. Barrett slides back in and hits Winds of Change for two before dropping some elbows for the same. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Del Rio fights up and grabs the cross armbreaker on the ropes. He has to break at four though, allowing Barrett to hit a big boot to the face, sending the world champion to the floor.

Some knees to Del Rio’s head get two but Barrett misses a middle rope elbow. Del Rio kicks Barrett in the face and some clotheslines put him down. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Wade down and a low superkick gets two for Del Rio. Alberto charges into another boot though and Barrett loads up the pumphandle slam. Del Rio easily escapes though and the cross armbreaker gets the submission for Alberto at 4:56.

Rating: C. This is another match that is rapidly joining the list of matches we’ve seen and don’t need to see again for a long time. Again, is there ANYONE else that could be used to put Del Rio over than the Intercontinental Champion? The title is a prop now because Barrett constantly loses and he never defends the stupid belt. That’s what makes it a prop: no one wanting the title. If no one wants it, why should I care that Barrett owns it?

It’s time for another Colter/Swagger video. They don’t like the backlash they’re receiving for some of their opinions. They like the times when you could be mad about someone taking something that belongs to you. Real Americans refuse to use politically correct terms. The best thing people can do is respect them, because if not there will be real Americans that are ready to fight for them.

Here are the New Age Outlaws apparently for a match. We get a censored version of the signature entrance and you can see the younger fans confused by what they’re seeing. The older ones are loving it though, which si the point of a show like this.

New Age Outlaws vs. Primo/Epico

Dogg and Epico get things started and there are the shaking punches followed by the shaky knee drop for two for Roadie. Primo distracts Dogg though and Epico gets in a dropkick to take over. The cousins work over Roadie with Epico hitting a slingshot elbow for no cover. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Roadie fights up and the two of them collide. Hot tag brings in Billy who pounds away on both guys before getting two off a tilt-a-whirl slam. Everything breaks down and the Fameasser ends Primo at 2:58.

We recap the Rock/Cena segment from earlier.

We get some TOUTING IT OUT from the fans about tonight’s events.

We have a lot of birthday cakes and cupcakes for Mae Young’s 90^th birthday and most of the roster is here to celebrate. Mean Gene comes out to introduce Mae and the Divas help her to the ring. Everyone sings Happy Birthday to her but CM Punk interrupts. Well that was rude.

CM Punk vs. Sheamus vs. Big Show vs. Randy Orton

I think this is one fall to a finish. There are no tags so everyone is in the ring at once. Punk heads to the floor but Orton and Sheamus go out to surround him. Punk slides back in and has to fight Big Show which goes as badly as you would expect for him. Sheamus and Orton try their luck on Big Show and are both knocked down almost immediately. Orton finally gets him to the floor, giving us Sheamus vs. Randy for a bit.

Orton hits the backbreaker and Punk tries to steal a pin to no avail. The Irish Curse puts Orton down and Punk tries to steal it again. This time though Sheamus catches him and the good guys toss him to the outside. Big Show is back though and a single shot puts both Sheamus and Orton down as we take a break.

Back with Punk in control of Orton but Randy comes back with the powerslam. A t-bone suplex puts Punk down for two but Punk escapes the Elevated DDT. Sheamus comes back in with the slingshot shoulder for two but seems to be limping a bit. There are the ten forearms to Punk’s chest but Big Show takes Sheamus down with the Final Cut for two. Punk breaks it up and fires off knees to Show’s head.

Show pops back up though and knocks Punk out with the WMD. Sheamus tries to fight Show and spears him into the corner with some shoulders to the ribs. The WMD misses Sheamus and a kind of cross body takes Big Show down. The giant comes right back though, only to miss a Vader Bomb. White Noise puts Big Show down but it only gets two.

Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick on Show but Orton catches him in the powerslam. A chokeslam puts down both Orton and Sheamus but the one on Sheamus only gets two. The WMD misses Sheamus and the Brogue Kick lays out Big Show. An RKO lays out Sheamus but Punk comes in with a GTS for the pin on Orton at 12:40.

Rating: C+. While it was pretty obvious that Punk was winning here, the match wasn’t bad at all. They did the right thing by having everyone moving around quickly and the finish was nicely done. Punk vs. Undertaker is a solid match and definitely the second biggest match on the show. It wasn’t Punk vs. Cena but it did what it was supposed to do.

Post match Undertaker comes out to stare down Punk to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was good and bad at the same time. The good stuff here was the Wrestlemania build. The card seems to be mostly set now and it’s time to push towards the show. That stuff, mainly Rock vs. Cena, was good for the most part. Then we get to the bad stuff, which is the Old School stuff. As I’ve mentioned before, having legends come out over and over again doesn’t do much for the fans other than the older ones.

If you want to do nostalgia, use people like the Outlaws or bring in Val Venis or Godfather or freaking Steve Blackman or something like that. You know, people from the Attitude Era that is now apparently the GREATEST THING EVER in wrestling. On top of that, guys like Duggan, DiBiase, Honky Tonk Man and most of the other legends here were barely ever even on Raw other than Flair and the Outlaws. Use nostalgia correctly people. I assure you it’s not that hard.

Results

Ryback b. Antonio Cesaro – Shell Shock

Mark Henry b. Zack Ryder – World’s Strongest Slam

The Miz b. Dolph Ziggler – Figure Four Leg Lock

Jim Duggan b. Jack Swagger via DQ when Swagger hit Duggan with a 2×4

Brodus Clay/Tensai b. 3MB – Rollup to McIntyre

Alberto Del Rio b. Wade Barret – Cross Armbreaker

New Age Outlaws b. Epico/Primo – Fameasser to Primo

CM Punk b. Big Show, Sheamus and Randy Orton – GTS to Orton

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

He didn’t actually do anything, but there’s a fatal fourway tonight to determine his opponent.  It’ll either be Sheamus, Big Show, Orton or Punk (read as: Punk).

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 7, 1999
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re just one week after Undertaker beat Austin for the title with the help of both McMahons and Austin broken heart due to Owen Hart passing away earlier in the night. Other than that it’s Rock vs. HHH because this is 1999 and what else is it going to be? This show was requested by someone that I don’t remember for reasons I don’t remember either. Oh wait apparently there’s a somewhat significant moment on here so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Austin stunning everyone in sight in recent weeks.

Here’s Vince to open the show and looking like he wants to fight. He talks about how the Greater Power is here tonight and it doesn’t matter who it is. It might be Shawn Michaels, it might be one of the McMahons, it might be Jake Roberts, it might be the bartender from down the street. Vince wants a street fight with the Greater Power tonight so he calls out Shane for a fight. However he’ll sweeten the pot a bit further: if Shane will put up his 50% ownership of the company, Vince will do the same, making the fight winner take all.

This brings out Shane who immediately accepts the challenge, but disappoints Vince because he isn’t the Greater Power. However, he’ll bring out the Greater Power in just a few moments. Ok then.

We run down the card tonight: there’s a Lion’s Den match with Shamrock vs. Jeff Jarrett, the Acolytes defending the tag titles against the Brood, Debra defending against the monster Nicole Bass and of course that whole Greater Power deal.

Austin is in the back talking to someone in a limo.

Speaking of the Greater Power deal, it’s already time for it. Undertaker leads the Corporate Ministry (HHH, Chyna, Acolytes, Mideon, Viscera, Big Boss Man, Shane who isn’t present here and Paul Bearer) which is a pretty impressive army. Unertaker talks about assembling an army for the arrival of a power greater than himself. The Ministry and the Corporation merged to show what kind of power was at hand.

With that, the lights go dark and a man in a cloak comes to the ring. Everyone but Undertaker is kneeling in the ring. JR and King think it’s Shane, but as the hooded figure stands in the ring, Shane comes out through the curtain saying he told us it wasn’t him. Shane talks about what a mastermind the Greater Power is and how smart the Power is. Before we reveal the identity though, Shane wants Vince to be the one that unveils the Greater Power. Vince pops up on screen and says this is close enough for him.

The Greater Power pulls back his hood to reveal……Vince McMahon, saying that it was him all along and that every one of us bought it. Even his family bought the story and he blames Austin for causing all this. The entire plan (oh we’ll get to that later) was enacted to teach Austin a lesson: Vince will do anything he has to do in order to torment Austin. Vince thanks Shane, Undertaker, and everyone else involved with the Corporate Ministry….and here are Linda and Stephanie McMahon, Vince’s wife and daughter.

Stephanie wants to know how this could happen and Vince says it was just business. Linda says let’s talk business then. Vince sucks up to her but she says love has nothing to do with business. First of all, when Vince says that he and Shane both own 50% of the company, Vince is lying. Since there are four McMahons, they all own equal shares. Vince didn’t build this company on his own. That’s why this morning, there was a meeting of the board of directors. First and foremost, there are changes to the dress code. It’s now less formal, with more cutoff jeans. Also, some profanity and drinking on the job are now perfectly acceptable.

That’s not the biggest deal though. The real story is that Linda has stepped down as CEO of the company while picking a new CEO. That new CEO will have FULL authority to run this company as he sees fit. The new CEO: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! COMPLETE WITH A TIE!!! The look on Vince’s face is absolutely hysterical as he is, in a word, absolutely STUNNED. Austin takes off the tie because he has a power finger instead of a power tie. There’s a middle finger for Vince before Austin talks about making a fast transition to power.

First and foremost, Austin WILL be getting a title shot in the near future and WILL be taking his title back. As for the next PPV, which is King of the Ring, it’s going to be Austin vs. Vince and Shane in a handicap match. Vince is fine with that but Austin doesn’t want to hear about that. As for tonight, it’s Shane vs. Kane and X-Pac in a handicap match. As for the remaining members of the Union, which would be Shamrock, Test and Big Show, they can pick any opponent they like.

Since HHH put out Mankind with a sledgehammer last week, there’s going to be a cast match with HHH vs. Rock. Since Rock’s arm is in a cast, we’re going to put HHH’s leg in a cast and have a one on one match. If anyone has a problem with any of that, come find Austin and if he’s not having too much beer, he’ll talk to you.

After a much needed break, Linda and Stephanie present Austin with a briefcase full of beer.

Ok so now that we’re about a third of the way done with the show, let’s recap for a second. For those of you unfamiliar with the story that led up to all this, here you are. Back in the late fall/winter, Undertaker started to get more and more “into his character”, which meant he was starting to become more and more demonic. This led to him starting to kidnap people and recruit the army that would become his Ministry of Darkness.

Undertaker’s plans were revealed as him wanting to own the WWF and run the company as he saw fit, but Vince was too busy fighting the war against Austin with his Corporation. Soon after that, Undertaker invaded Vince’s home and stole a teddy bear, which belonged to Stephanie, showing that Vince and his family weren’t safe anywhere. Also around this time, Undertaker began talking about serving a Higher Power. Vince began to crack under the pressure which became even more intense when Undertaker kidnapped Stephanie at the end of Backlash.

This resulted in the Black Wedding, where Stephanie appeared on Raw tied to an Undertaker symbol resembling a cross. Paul Bearer attempted to wed Stephanie to Undertaker, but Austin made the save because it was the right thing to do, not because of any care for Vince. THIS led us to Over the Edge, where Austin defended the title against Undertaker with both Vince and Shane as guest referees. Shane screwed Austin out of the title, which led us to tonight.

As you now know, Vince was the Greater Power all along, meaning that he terrorized his family, tormented himself (in a way), lied, cheated, acted like a crazy man, and cried on national television, all to get the WWF Title off of Steve Austin. Now THOSE are the actions of a crazy man. Why do you ask?

BECAUSE VINCE ALREADY HAD THE TITLE OFF OF AUSTIN IN THE FIRST PLACE! Austin hadn’t been champion since September. Vince had his Corporate Champion in the Rock, he had Undertaker under his power, he apparently had Shane under his power, and Austin was the only target he had. Why in the world did he allow Undertaker and the Corporation to fight at Wrestlemania instead of focusing everything they had on stopping Austin from getting the title back?

On top of THAT, just looking at tonight, since Austin now has 50% power which gives him more than either Vince or Shane, why don’t they combine their shares into one so that they can balance out Austin? That all being said, the last half hour of this show was AMAZINGLY entertaining and back in 1999 this had me losing my mind watching it. However, much like Russo’s other master plan angles, it falls apart when you think about it for more than 15 seconds.

Overall Rating: …….oh wait we’ve got like an hour and fifteen minutes left don’t we?

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Gangrel/Edge

The Brood (Edge and Gangrel) were recently thrown out of the Corporate Ministry after Christian had told Shamrock where Stephanie was. The Acolytes won the belts last week from Kane and X-Pac thanks to interference by Shane. The champions run over their far smaller challengers to start until we get down to Bradshaw against Gangrel. Gangrel fires off what few shots he can but there’s too much Texas, allowing Bradshaw to hit the fallaway slam to take control.

Faarooq comes in for more of the same as he pounds away on the back of the vampire. Off to Edge who speeds things up a bit with clotheslines and spinwheel kicks. Not that it matters though as it’s back to a still weak (must be the garlic from catering) Gangrel who is distracted by the Hardys and their manager Michael Hayes on the stage. As Gangrel turns around it’s the Clothesline from Bradshaw to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This was short and sour like most matches from this point in time. The Acolytes would continue to dominate for awhile until losing the titles to the Hardys in a few weeks. The new champions would move on to feud with Edge and his new partner Christian, more or less redefining tag team wrestling for years to come.

Here’s what’s left of the Union (a stable of four guys that lasted a month) to receive their blank checks from Austin. Big Show does the smart thing and demands a title match with Undertaker TONIGHT. That gets the crowd going all over again. Shamrock is mad about what Vince did, so the match with Jarrett is out and now it’s Vince in the Lion’s Den against him. Oh dear.

This leaves Test, who says there’s only one person he wants to be in the ring with tonight: Stephanie McMahon. We cut to Vince and Shane in the back who PANIC. Stephanie is all of 22 at this point and looking beyond awkward at this point. Test ASKS HER OUT and she says yes, sending her father and brother into fits in the back. There’s a summer long angle for you.

HHH puts his cast on.

X-Pac/Kane vs. Shane McMahon

X-Pac starts and lets Shane get in a few free shots before taking him to the corner for a BIG beating. Shane runs to the floor but gets kicked in the face for being a coward. Cue the Mean Street Posse in Mankind masks to save Shane and throw the match out, but here are Patterson and Brisco to throw them into the ring for an X-Factor and a chokeslam. This was barely a “match”. Pete Gas gets a Bronco Buster and Rodney gets tombstoned.

Cole is in the back with Debra who wants to change the title match tonight to a bikini contest. If Nicole wins, she gets a title match next week. If Debra wins, Nicole has to leave the puppies alone. Yeah whatever.

HHH vs. The Rock

This is a cast match with HHH’s leg and Rock’s arm in casts. HHH broke the knee of Mankind and the arm of the Rock which is where Austin got the idea from. Rock has a good right arm here so he pounds HHH into the corner but HHH has no balance at all because of his cast. A DDT puts HHH down and it’s time for a chair. JR takes shots at WCW and there’s a chair to HHH’s back. There’s the Rock Bottom and the chair goes over HHH’s face for the People’s Elbow, but Undertaker comes in for the save. I’m guessing that’s a no contest. It’s Rock vs. Undertaker for the title at King of the Ring.

Undertaker tombstones Rock on the chair but Big Show chases Undertaker off.

Time for the bikini contest. What do you want me to say here? Debra is a decent looking woman and when Nicole Bass walks through the woods, Bigfoot takes pictures of her. Debra wins in a landslide and Val Venis comes out to stand up for Nicole. He tells her to hit Jeff Jarrett with the guitar but gets laid out by an errant shot. Val wakes up and yells at Nicole, resulting in Bass dumping her. Val chases after her in a bizarre segment.

We get GTV (basically a hidden camera segment where a never named videographer (it was supposed to be Goldust I believe) would spy on people) of PMS making fun of various men. Nothing to see here.

Billy Gunn vs. Godfather

Apparently Billy hit Godfather with a chair on Heat for some reason. Godfather comes out all aggressive to start and punches Billy into the corner before hitting some knees to the ribs. The announcers talk about the PMS bit despite NOTHING BEING SAID. Godfather loads up the Ho Train but gets low bridged to the floor instead. During the ten count, Road Dogg, who has recently broken up with Billy, comes in and gives him a pumphandle sla. Godfather comes in and drops a leg for the fast pin. Just build for Dogg vs. Gunn, which wound up going nowhere because, amazingly enough, no one wanted to see them fight.

Droz vomits in the back.

Hardcore Title: Darren Drozdov vs. Al Snow

Snow is defending and they never even go into the ring. They immediately fight into the crowd and use whatever weapons just happen to be lying around, like chairs and trashcans because this is HARDCORE after all. They fight up to what looks like a sports bar in the arena and things start getting WACKY! I think you can figure it out from here: pool cues, chairs, drinks, a sculpture goes upside Droz’s head and Snow retains. Seriously, that’s the whole match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Vince McMahon

This is a Lion’s Den Match, which means they’re in a small cage next to the stage. On the way to the ring, Vince says he isn’t afraid. Vince gets in first and locks the cage door. Shamrock tries to get in but as he does, Jarrett comes up and blasts him with a chair, giving Vince the win by TKO. Again, seriously, that’s the whole match.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Big Show

Man they’re booking tonight. Taker jumps the challenger in the corner before he even takes the belt off but Big Show clotheslines him down. A suplex puts Taker down again for two and there’s a HARD whip into the corner by Big Show. Taker is whipped into the corner and stomped down as this is almost all Big Show so far. Taker fights back with right hands but a single headbutt puts him right back down.

They both grab chokeslams but Taker uses a Paul Bearer distraction to kick Big Show low. A flying clothesline puts Big Show down and Taker stomps away, sending Big Show out to the floor. Show blocks a shot into the steps and sends the champion face first into them instead. A headbutt staggers Undertaker and there’s a big right hand. Taker escapes a posting attempt and sends Big Show head first into the post to get himself a breaker. Show is slammed into the announce table and it’s chair time.

The chair is cracked over Big Show’s back and somehow the referee didn’t notice it. I love how that works. Taker pounds away on the floor and rakes away at his eyes for good measure. Back in and Undertaker goes up top which can’t end well for him. Big Show catches him in mid air and chokeslams Undertaker THROUGH THE RING. The match is thrown out for obvious reasons.

Rating: C. The match was nothing of note but obviously that wasn’t the point here. The idea was to show that Undertaker was vulnerable and to make Big Show look all the more awesome which I think they safely did. This would be one of the more famous spots in the history of the show and would be nominated for biggest spot ever at some anniversary show.

Post match the Ministry runs in and is quickly dispatched to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. If you’re watching this for wrestling, you’re better off with Nitro. If you’re watching this for drama, you’re in Heaven. This was ALL storyline and that made it a very fast two hours. The Higher Power reveal is one of the dumbest moments of all time, but man alive is it FUN when you actually watch it. The whole story is still the epitome of Russo booking with how intricate it was, but again when you think about if for very long at all it comes falling down. The Undertaker reign of terror would be done in about a month or so.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Elimination Chamber 2010
Date: February 21, 2010
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 17,628
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well it’s the day after the show and thanks to me being an idiot my regular laptop is in the shop so this is my second try at this. The card looks pretty weak on paper as there are only four announced matches, including one that no one wants to see. However with two chambers it’s hard to assume this is going to be bad, although I’ve seen others that were far better looking that sucked so we’ll find out. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course all about the Chamber which is rather annoying but that’s how things go. Why is it annoying? Because it’s exactly what you would expect it to be, which says to me that it’s boring as all goodness. WOW that’s a lot of pyro. And the Chamber is lowered for this.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Ted DiBiase vs. HHH vs. John Cena vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Cena gets a VERY mixed reaction but I think it’s leaning towards more cheers than boos which is a good sign I guess. I’m digging those white ropes. DiBiase gets an ok at best reaction. I do like them giving the young guys a chance if nothing else. They get main event experience even if there’s no chance any of them win it. Ok Striker needs to drop the metaphors already.

Orton gets a POP. Just turn him already Vince. He needs it. HHH gets a pop but nothing compared to Orton or even Cena for that matter. No one has ever won more than one Chamber match. Except HHH. He’s won four. Nothing wrong with that is there? Apparently Sheamus has to get all the eliminations. Kofi and he will be starting us out. Kofi looking over his shoulder just in case is rather amusing. Kofi is rocking red tonight which is working for him.

Can someone get Armstrong a weight in his arm? EPIC RKO chant. They touch on the Orton/Kingston feud. Sweet goodness that was awesome. This three man commentary team is working really well for me. The clock runs down and it’s HHH. There’s not a ton to talk about at this point as everything here means very little. Sheamus needs a name for his Razor’s Edge as Cole just calls it that finishing maneuver.

That high knee always works for some reason. They clarify that you have to get the pin in the ring. Good to know as that’s always a question I think about in these matches. Kofi sits on the outside here and lets them fight which is very smart. Scratch that as he hits a cross body on Sheamus.

Kofi hits a sweet Boom Drop over the top rope onto HHH. That looked great. Clock starts up again and it’s Orton to a nice pop. He’s beating the heck out of everyone. This guy is dying to be a face already Vince. Can you not see that? He’s beating the tar out of Sheamus and HHH which is awesome. SHUT UP STRIKER. It’s not a metal thing with fangs. It’s a cage blast it.

The fans want blood. Kofi takes everyone out with a huge dive. He’s getting a lot of big spots in this. He goes for another but Orton catches him with a dropkick. Nice indeed. Everyone goes for their finisher and no one gets it. Orton’s head slams into the post. That looked SICK. In at 5 is DiBiase.

I love that falling punch. Orton and DiBiase team up and beat down just about everyone. They shove Kofi’s head through the Chamber wall and DiBiase puts a Boston Crab on him. Orton gives HHH the elevated DDT onto the cage. That would hurt indeed. He and DiBiase wait on Cena outside his pod so of course he plows through them. He cleans house and hits an FU over the top rope on DiBiase.

DiBiase is in the STF and his leg isn’t supposed to bend like that! Rhodes is here with a pipe. DiBiase hits Orton with it as he’s in the FU and then takes Cena down with it. Ted pins Orton so we’re at five. Kofi puts him out with Trouble in Paradise and Sheamus hits his two move combination to take Kofi out so it’s Sheamus, HHH and Cena left. The pale one takes over and for NO apparent reason, HHH saves Cena.

And of course HHH gets to pin Sheamus first. So at the moment is the title vacant or is Sheamus technically champion as the match he’s defending in isn’t over yet? I’m not sure. A few seconds later Cena gets the STF and HHH taps. I’ve read some posts saying HHH might not have been tapping. What show were you watching? Yeah he was tapping.

Rating: B+. Solid stuff here. It’s missing that little something extra to make it a classic but this is certainly more than good stuff. The timing here was solid as we had enough to keep it from being too short but not enough to get boring. Half an hour is just about perfect I think. Also there was the fact that all of the guys in here were given a chance to showcase themselves, especially Kofi. He stole the show out there and it worked very well. Very good stuff here.

Cena is celebrating and Vince’s music hits. Yep, there’s another match and it’s with Batista. Not going to bother with giving it a formal introduction. It’s 30 seconds long and Batista hits the spear and Batista Bomb for the title. This is what people complain about when they say the amount of title reigns mean nothing anymore. The angle is awesome though.

Mania video.

We recap the Bret/Vince feud. Good video but it has zero to do with what’s going on at the moment.

Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Kane

Never seen Drew’s intro before. That was indeed as sweet as it’s made out to be. Can we give Kane something though? The guy has jobbed more than anyone in history and what does he have to show for it? Very little that I can see. He deserves to have something at some point. I love that uppercut that Kane uses. It’s just sweet.

His in ring stuff is very good overall. We get a great stat: 20% of IC Champions go on to be world champions. That’s something most people wouldn’t pick up on. And yes I’m a Kane mark so get over it. I didn’t realize Drew was that big. And let’s talk about the Raw world title again. Drew goes for the knee. And then the arm. Make that the ribs. PICK SOMETHING BLAST IT. Ok it’s the arm. Better than nothing I guess.

Both guys hit big boots which there’s just something cool about. I mean how awesome is it to just kick someone in the face? Kane hits the clothesline from the top and shakes his arm to sell the injury even more. The chokeslam is countered and it’s still Kane in control. The ramp seems exceedingly short for some reason.

And after Kane dominates 80% of the match a thumb to the eye and the double arm DDT ends it. Never been a fan of that, at least not a setup like a thumb to the eye. I like Drew’s look with the belt if nothing else.

Rating: B-. Not bad but nothing that jumps off the page here. The ending was just bad to me. Kane DOMINATED for about 80% of the match and a thumb to the eye is enough to stop him dead? That doesn’t do it for me. Even a knee or something small like that would have made it a lot better. Still though, the purpose here was to give Drew more credibility and that was certainly accomplished so big points for that.

We get the EPIC, yes EPIC I say, reveal of Gail being able to speak French and knows Maryse has being insulting her. Gail CANNOT ACT. I said in the LD that this is getting to Stephanie levels. Oh and the Smackdown Divas aren’t sexy apparently.

Raw Women’s Title: Gail Kimvs. Maryse

So this is the final of the tournament that has gone on forever to replace Melina who is injured now. No one cares about this anyway. And Vickie has something to say. Apparently the Smackdown Divas don’t like being left off the show so we’re getting a tag match with Raw vs. Smackdown. For the love of cheese and crackers, no one cares. Whatever. Oh and Striker has something close to a racist joke as he says once you watch a Gail Kim match you want to see another 20 minutes later.

GailKim/Marysevs. MichelleMcCool/Layla

Oy seriously? For the life of me I do not get this. Maryse would beat Gail clean the next night anyway, so what the heck is the point to this? I just do not get it. To be fair I don’t care enough to figure it out anyway so there we go. Yep the Smackdown girls are way hotter. Gail and Layla start us off and it’s not very good at all. Basically Maryse refuses to tag in and it’s a handicap match. Yep she won’t tag and Michelle kicks the tar out of Gail and the Styles Clash ends it. Maryse beats her up afterwards.

Rating: N/A. I have no idea what the point of this was unless they’re setting up to unify the titles at Mania or something like that. This was a waste of time and the only perk were the looks of Michelle and Layla.

Ad for NXT.

Miz talks about Daniel Bryan and makes fun of St. Louis. MVP interrupts him and of course he’s got another title shot tonight.

Regal comes out to talk about his rookie for NXT. Edge interrupts Regal’s standard great heel promo to talk about how he’s going to make his pick tomorrow on Raw. It’s Jericho in case you didn’t know by now. Regal gets speared for no reason at all.

Another ad for Mania. I really hate the theme song they’re playing the entire time.

US Title: Miz vs. MVP

I love Miz’s theme music I think. Both guys have their fat tag partners with them. He really does look awesome with all that gold. And the Kool Aid Man is still fat. Naturally the talking is mostly about Daniel Brian and NXT. Why in the world should I care about MVP? I have zero idea what the appeal of him is. Oh and apparently he’s a power guy now? We get Tiger Woods jokes. Oh dear. They try to compare the last few years in their two careers.

Both have come miles. Yes but Miz has gone forward and MVP has gone backwards. This has been fairly entertaining. It’s nothing epic but it’s certainly doing ok. I just can’t stand MVP at all anymore so that has something to do with it. Show’s shouting is funny to me. I hate that Ballin Elbow. It’s just stupid on so many levels. On the floor Henry goes after Show and hits the railing which more or less explodes. Miz is busted open a bit and Show punches MVP to let Miz retain.

Rating: C+. Not bad at all here. It was a great way to get some time on the card filled in which this show needed badly. Also, Miz gets another win to further establish him as a big deal. This is a win he should have gotten and he did. That’s all you can ask of him. Decent little match here indeed.

We recap the Raw Elimination Chamber. REALLY? We need to recap a moment that happened an hour and a half ago? On a PPV? Is this for people that bought the show halfway through or were late getting home? Seriously, who is this for? They show the whole Batista thing. Seriously, is this for people that are stuck with their fathers at a car dealership because their fathers are pathetic liars that just HAD to buy a new truck on the night their son was paying for their first PPV? It could happen.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker vs. CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. R–Truth vs. Chris Jericho

Rey is out first and thankfully he’s only been world champion once. Morrison is out second and gets a solid pop. Remember he has a bad ankle allegedly. Jericho gets a solid pop of his own. Taker is fourth and this is the interesting thing. In case you didn’t hear, he was set on fire by the pyro.

Let’s see if I can see it unlike anyone else watching the show. Ok the fire is going on and he’s not there yet. Ok there he is and everything seems ok. The flames keep going up but you can’t see where they are in relation to him. Everything seems fine at the moment though.

RIGHT THERE! The flames go up in the middle of everything where he would have been standing so I’d bet that’s where it happened. It’s right as Chimmel is saying his name. Oh yeah when they go down he’s nearly running out of there. Oh man he is TICKED.

There’s a moment where the camera locks on Rey which is when I’m guessing Taker has water poured on him. Now let’s think about this for a minute. Taker, other than running to the ring, which is fairly understandable I’d say, completely stayed in character there.

Think about that: he was just involved in what could have been a life threatening situation or if nothing else something that could have caused severe injury to him. He stayed in character. You can complain about him all you want, but that my friends is discipline. I don’t think the announcers have a clue what was going on but they play it up as the Chamber changing him. Punk cuts a promo on his way to the ring which of course is epic.

Seriously, this gimmick could carry him for ten years easily. Truth cuts him off. As I’ve said before, wrestlers that get the crowd involved or play to them are ALWAYS going to be bigger deals. Think about this match for example: Truth, Jericho, Rey and Punk got the biggest reactions. Taker here is an exception but look at Morrison. He doesn’t play to the crowd much and he got a far weaker reaction.

Truth talks to the fans, Rey does the mask thing, Jericho and Punk’s promos are insulting to the crowd. They get bigger reactions and they’re the four here with world titles. Morrison doesn’t have one yet does he? And the length of time in the company argument doesn’t hold up as Morrison has been in WWE longer or as long as Punk.

Morrison and Punk start us off. Apparently Serena is Punk’s concubine. Ok then. Truth is dominating here. They’re using the Chamber really well here. That’s a big thing that puts this WAY ahead of its I guess you would say counterpart, Hell in a Cell. They messed that show up so badly I can’t comprehend it.

After a missed elbow, GTS puts Truth out. And now we wait for the rest of the clock and Punk gets to talk even more. That’s a great mini gimmick. He mentions making Taker tap. Love that. It’s Rey in next so we’re getting what’s likely a Mania preview here. They fight outside on the cage area with Rey getting slammed into the cage. Cool spot.

Rey is getting destroyed with a capital destr here. Punk tries a GTS from the top rope and Cole makes me laugh. Striker: you can tear a tendon up there. Cole: how about falling on your head? And Rey gets the rana and a splash from the top for the pin to get us down to four. Ok then.

Next in is Jericho to a nice reaction. He hits this 619 but Jericho gets outside to avoid the really weak pin off a really bad move. Rey hits the Spiderman spot which is always cool. These two can’t have a bad match I don’t think. Rey hooks a form of a dragon sleeper and the IWC rejoices. Solid stuff here.

Rey is in the Walls as the clock ticks down and it’s Morrison. For ZERO apparent reason, he goes for Jericho who lets go of the hold. Yep that makes no sense at all. In a cool spot Morrison goes up top and Rey shoves him into the pod. That would hurt like the Dickens. Morrison hits the standing shooting star on Rey. Solid stuff but they’re just milling around waiting on Taker to come in here. Jericho hits a SWEET backbreaker on Rey to stop the 619 for no apparent reason.

Morrison gets that springboard spinkick that I freaking love. Rey is the only one with something close to control here. And Starship Pain puts Mysterio out to get us down to three. Morrison is getting to showcase himself here which is a big deal. Jericho gets the Walls on John and there’s the clock. And he hits Jericho which makes NO SENSE but whatever. Taker is getting NO reaction here.

The two living guys go after Taker which makes sense. Apparently half of Taker’s offense is his defense. What grade did you teach Striker? Jericho does something great as he hides in a pod. That’s very smart. Shame they’re clear so he’s easy to see.

With Jericho down Taker goes after Morrison who hits the kick again to put him down. Starship Pain is blocked and there goes Morrison’s chances. Jericho is hiding again which is brilliant. In a great looking visual, Morrison is hanging onto the cage while Jericho and Taker fight underneath him.

Taker is SLAMMED into the pod which would hurt like being crushed by 837lbs of macaroni. Taker getting a chant now. Morrison gets chokeslammed onto the cage and he’s gone. How have Jericho and Taker never had a long feud? There go the straps. Jericho is in control here but both guys are banged up. Taker goes for the chokeslam with FREAKY looking eyes.

After a bunch of counters, Jericho gets the Walls. Cole points out that he’s in the middle of the ring, even though in a bit he points out that ropes mean nothing in this match. Make up your freaking mind Cole. Jericho hits the Codebreaker which Taker jumps in to, making it look all the better. Last Ride hits and Taker kind of throws him with it. That looked great. We get the Tombstone sign and there’s Shawn. You know the rest.

Rating: A-. I loved this but I would have liked seeing Jericho get the clean pin and for the first two guys getting more time. Either way they pushed a lot of Mania here which is the best thing they could do. The wrestling here was great and they had Morrison do what he had to do out there. This was great stuff though and it worked very well. Great match.

Overall Rating: A-. Sweet show, period. This was great all around with good action, bloodshed, Mania being set up and some shockers. Excellent show and while there are parts that are annoying, there’s nothing here that’s that terrible. Great show, well worth checking out.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 25, 2013
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

Tonight is a big show as we have two major matches: Punk vs. Cena for Cena’s title shot and Vince having a fight with Paul Heyman. Other than that, Undertaker returned at a house show on Saturday and there’s a chance that he could be back tonight. There’s also the possibility of Lesnar being in the house, but most importantly of all: WE GET TO MAKE FUN OF GLENN BECK! Odds are we get a midget sighting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Brock attacking Vince a few weeks back as well as the scene from last week with Cena challenging Punk.

Here’s Vince on crutches to open the show. He says we need something big on Raw every week until Wrestlemania so why not start with a fight. Vince should be able to do this one one leg or no legs, so let’s bring out the Ultimate Fighter, Paul Heyman. Cue Heyman himself in what I guess you would call fighting clothes. He’s in workout pants and what looks to be a workout sweatshirt.

Heyman insults the Dallas Cowboys before talking about how he’s seen Vince take on every promoter as well as the US Government. He offers Vince a chance to make an executive decision, but as he’s talking Paul spears down Vince and takes out the knee. A crutch shot to the leg keeps Vince down but Vince blocks the other crutch shot. He hits Heyman in the back with it but here’s Lesnar.

Heyman has rolled to the floor so it’s just Brock and Vince alone in the ring. Lesnar stares Vince down and is ready to go but Vince wisely begs off. Cue HHH as Vince bails to the floor. He’s got the leather jacket and the water bottle so you can tell this is serious. The fight is on immediately and HHH sends Lesnar into the post, apparently busting him open. Another post shot has Lesnar reeling and a clothesline puts Brock into the timekeeper’s area.

HHH goes to get a crutch but it allows Brock to fight back. Lesnar hits an AA (not an F5 but an AA) to put HHH onto the announce table. We head back inside with Brock bringing in a chair, only to walk into a spinebuster. A big chair shot to Brock’s back sends him to the floor and there’s a BIG blood stain on the mat. HHH stands tall.

Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler

No intro for Mr. MITB. Ryback easily picks Ziggler up and throws him around to start but walks into a dropkick for one. Ziggler tries to keep things moving fast but he charges into a powerslam to put him right back down. A few chops in the corner stagger Ziggler as the fans chant Goldberg. Ryback hits a modified Oklahoma Stampede (powerslam out of the corner) to send Ziggler to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler caught in a long delayed vertical suplex. We see about twenty seconds of it so who knows how long it actually was. Dolph rolls to the floor so Ryback goes to retrieve him, only to have Langston take Ryback’s head off with a clothesline. Back in and Ryback shoves Ziggler away, only to get caught in a running DDT for two.

The Fameasser misses so there’s a sleeper on Ryback instead. Ryback counters with a kind of Stunner and starts throwing Ziggler around like he isn’t even there. AJ gets on the apron but Langston’s interference doesn’t work. Ryback hits a kind of spinebuster to Ziggler and Dolph is Shell Shocked for the pin at 11:08.

Rating: C+. It’s nice to see Ryback get a big win again and who better to get one on than the reigning king of the jobbers of WWE? Langston vs. Ryback is likely going to be talked about now, despite the fact that they don’t need to fight just because they’re similar. Anyway, decent match here and good to see Ryback get a win for a change.

Trailer for The Call, starring Halle Berry and with David Otunga.

Here’s CM Punk with something to say. He says that tonight is a night of history and a night that people are going to tell their grandchildren about. It’s the end as well as the beginning but tonight isn’t about Wrestlemania or the people. It isn’t even about the WWE Championship. It’s not about the future and what is more important than the Rock: it’s about PUNK. Punk goes into a big rant about how he important he is before finally saying that in this world, he is god.

The latest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: Donald Trump. Given how much he’s done with Wrestlemania over the years, this shouldn’t be a big surprise.

Great Khali vs. Mark Henry

Khali chops him into the corner to start and Henry rolls to the floor. Back inside and Henry easily hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:24. This was nothing.

We get a look at Marine 3 starring the Miz.

Fandango debuts Friday on Smackdown.

Here’s Miz for MizTV with guests Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. After a break, Miz wants to talk to Jack and Zeb to start things off. Zeb says he’s here to talk to Gleen Beck but since he chickened out, he’ll take Del Rio instead. Colter talks about the problem in America: eleven million undocumented workers who are all calling for amnesty instead of being deported. Those eleven million illegals (his word) are making it harder for Americans by taking things that belong to honest Americans. Alberto cuts Colter off but Miz says let the champion talk.

Miz asks Del Rio how hard it is to become a citizen in Mexico. Colter says it takes ten years to become a citizen in Mexico because of all the corruption. Also foreigners can’t own property in Mexico. Colter wants to know what’s wrong with Mexicans in that regard. Zeb says this isn’t personal, but rather it’s about what Del Rio represents to his people. Colter wants there to only be one Alberto Del Rio success story because he doesn’t want more criminals in his country.

Del Rio goes on a rant about how America belongs to everyone and how America is built on immigrants. He talks about the American Dream of working hard to make everything possible. Del Rio calls himself living proof of that and says Swagger and Colter are hiding behind the Constitution like bullies. Swagger says WE THE PEOPLE will see Del Rio at Wrestlemania.

During the commercial, Colter yelled at Miz for conducting a biased interview, allowing Swagger to run Miz over with a clothesline.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton

Orton hits a quick elbow to start followed by a t-bone suplex of all things for two. Cesaro comes back with the gutwrench suplex for two of his own and we hit the chinlock. Orton easily fights out of it and hits the powerslam to load up the Elevated DDT. Cesaro will have none of that though and snaps Randy’s neck across the top rope. The backbreaker puts Cesaro into the corner though, only for him to get a boot up. Cesaro goes to the middle rope and dives into the RKO for the surprise pin at 3:02.

Rating: C-. The ending was good but did we really need to see the US Champion lose in three minutes completely clean? That’s the second straight loss in a row on Raw for Cesaro which makes me think he’ll be champion for a long time to come. Nothing to see here and I have no idea what either guy will be doing at Mania.

HELL NO argues over which of them could beat the Prime Time Players on their own. Vickie and Maddox come up to annoy the champions. Due to what Kane and Bryan argued over earlier, the match against the Players will have Kane with one arm tied behind his back and Bryan blindfolded.

We get a trailer for Wrestlemania 21 (you read that right) with JBL and Cena imitating the climax of A Few Good Men.

Next up: Sheamus’ Oscar snubs?

Here’s Sheamus in a suit to talk about the Oscars last night. He watched the Oscars last night and he has a bone to pick with the Academy: they ignored Wade Barrett. This leads us to the trailer for Dead Man Down which has nothing from Barrett in it. Sheamus shows us another clip with Barrett in the background but not saying a word. “Tom Hanks wishes he could have done Forrest Gump that good!”

This brings out Barrett with a rebuttal. Wade talks about how the Irish love green and that’s apparent right now given how jealous Sheamus clearly is right now. Tomorrow night Barrett is going to be walking a red carpet while Sheamus returns his suit. Sheamus says make sure the camera get your good side but with a nose like that, the good side doesn’t exist. They nearly brawl but Barrett bails so he can look good at his premiere tomorrow.

Cody Rhodes vs. R-Truth

Damien Sandow is on commentary. Truth speeds things up to start and Damien calls the hip thrusting disgusting. Cody kicks Truth’s leg in the corner and hits a release front suplex to take over. The announcers talk about bromances which apparently appears in the dictionary. Cody hooks a full nelson on the mat but Truth fights up. Cody sends him into the rope but gets caught in a bad looking Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:24.

Post match Sandow runs in and is quickly dispatched.

We get a Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger video about Americans losing their jobs to illegal immigrants. They promise to correct the wrongs in this country.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Bryan is blindfolded and Kane has an arm tied behind his back. Bryan and Titus start but Daniel grabs the referee for the NO Lock by mistake. The Players mess with Bryan with the whistles and Titus hits a clothesline to the back of the head to take over. Off to Young who sends Bryan to the floor where Kane tries to help him. Bryan hits Kane by mistake before heading back in. Young misses a charge into the post and Kane tags himself in. After beating up Young for a bit, a one armed chokeslam is enough to pin Darren at 3:30.

Rating: D+. This was your standard comedy match that was missing the comedy. I’m not sure what this was supposed to accomplish other than making the Players look even more worthless than they already do. Bryan and Kane still fight but they still win matches so who knows where it’s going. Other than Shield, is there anyone around that could beat them anyway?

We recap the opening fight with HHH vs. Lesnar.

Here’s the Shield with something to say. Ambrose talks about how they’re what’s best for WWE right now and any three man team they send out will be dispatched just like the others. Reigns says believe in the Shield or be turned into dust. Rollins talks about the three wins they’ve had over super team after super team. He asks if there’s anyone else to fight them and here’s Sheamus. He says come up here and fight him but as Ambrose and Reigns go after him, Orton sneaks in with an RKO to take out Rollins. I saw those two team up against Shield at a house show a few weeks ago so they’ve been practicing.

Jack Swagger vs. The Miz

This was set up by Swagger’s sneak attack earlier. Miz knocks him to the floor to start but Swagger rams him into the apron to take over. Back in and a shot to the back staggers Miz as the fans chant for the non-super patriot. Miz kicks away at Jack’s knee but gets clotheslined right back down. A suplex floors Miz again and there’s the Vader Bomb for two. Off to a quick armbar on Miz but he comes back with a neckbreaker to get himself a breather.

Swagger suplexes him back down for two but charges into a boot. Miz hits the running clothesline in the corner followed by the top rope ax handle for two. A sunset flip gets two more for Miz but Swagger breaks up a DDT. He shoves Miz into the ropes where Miz’s ankle is tied up, giving Swagger the opening he needs. A chop block takes Miz down and the Patriot Lock ends this at 7:13.

Rating: C. Swagger isn’t terrible but he’s still too similar to what he was just a year or so ago. Either way, the match here was basic but ok. I’m guessing there isn’t going to be any public embarrassment for Swagger after the incident last week, but maybe they’re going to punish him behind the scenes. Match was just ok.

After Lawler and Cole plug Sonic for a bit, we look at a video from the end of last week with the debut of the new title and Punk attacking Cena.

We get a Tout from HHH about Lesnar and we see the opening brawl again.

Here are some Touts from fans about what we saw earlier. Nothing of note here.

Cena talks about how important this match against Punk is. He talks about how tonight it’s about to going to Wrestlemania and he requested this match to prove that he’s back. If you still believe in him, you’ll believe that everyone else’s time is up and our time is now.

We get a clip of Robot Combat League hosted by Chris Jericho.

We get a clip of Undertaker returning at a show in Waco this past weekend.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

The winner gets the shot at Rock at Wrestlemania. They have a ton of time left too. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans are of course split on Cena as we get some chain wrestling to start. Punk gets in the ropes to break up a headlock before putting on one of his own. A hip toss puts Punk on the floor and we take a break. Back with Punk getting backdropped but popping back up with a clothesline to take control again. A neckbreaker gets two on cena and it’s off to a neck vice.

Cena powers out of it and slams Punk to the mat before hooking a front facelock to slow things down. Off to a headlock instead but Punk shoves him off and hits a leg lariat for two. Off to a CM chinlock now but Cena fights back up. He hits a shoulder block but Punk ducks an attempt at a second. The suicide dive takes out Cena on the floor and we take another break.

Back with Cena escaping an abdominal stretch and hitting the shoulders again. There’s the ProtoBomb but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice. Cena rolls over into a cover for two but Punk hits a swinging neckbreaker for two more. Sweet sequence there. Cena picks the leg for the STF but Punk makes the rope.

The springboard clothesline gets two more on Cena but Punk loads up a second, only for Cena to step to the side and hook the STF. Punk slips out and puts the Vice on again but Cena counters into a Crossface (called the STF by that lunkhead Cole). Punk rolls backwards into a small package for two and both guys are down again. They slug it out and Cena is getting madder on each punch he throws.

Punk kicks him in the ribs but the high kick misses. There’s the ProtoBomb but Punk kicks him in the head to escape the Shuffle. The GTS is countered into a sunset flip attempt but Punk sits on Cena for two. The bulldog by Punk is countered and there’s the Shuffle. AA is countered as is the GTS but Cena hits a Batista Bomb for two. The place is losing their minds on these kickouts. John goes up top but Punk gets up before Cena can try anything.

Cena blocks whatever Punk is trying and knocks him down, setting up the top rope Fameasser for two. Cena can barely follow up though and the high kick puts in the corner. Punk hits a WICKED running knee in the corner but Cena IMMEDIATELY hits the AA for two. Punk rolls to the floor and Cena has no idea what else he can do here. Cena goes out after him but gets sent HARD into the post. He isn’t moving an inch at nine but is somehow in by ten.

Back in and the GTS gets two and now Punk is ticked off. Another GTS is countered into an STF attempt and even with Punk trying to fight off the hold, Cena locks it in. Punk raises his hand to tap but SOMEHOW gets to the ropes. He kicks Cena in the knee and busts out a piledriver for a VERY close two and we get multiple frustrated covers. Punk goes up top and the Macho Elbow misses, allowing Cena to hit a FREAKING HURRICANRANA and the AA for the pin at 26:32.

Rating: A+. WOW. This doesn’t happen often but I was sitting there watching this match with my jaw hanging open. Those near falls were as good as I have seen this side of Austin vs. Rock at Wrestlemania and I had no idea what they were going to do until the ending. This was a PPV main event for free on Raw and was one of the best TV matches I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing and to people who say “well it wasn’t THAT good”, you’re wrong. Period.

Cena poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. I usually write these ratings before the main event but I had to redo it because of that match. That raised this from a B- to what it is here. That’s happened maybe once in all the years I’ve been doing this. The main event really is that good and you need to find a copy of it as soon as you can.

As for the rest of the show, it wasn’t a masterpiece but the most important thing here is that we can see the Wrestlemania card taking shape. We have our title matches and tonight it looks like some stuff was set up, but Shield vs. Orton/Sheamus doesn’t make sense as it looked like they were setting up Sheamus vs. Barrett. Either is a good option but the tag match probably fits better. Either way, the energy tonight was a good sign and I’m fired up for the Old School show next week. Oh and did I mention a GREAT main event? Very good but not great stuff here.

Results

Ryback b. Dolph Ziggler – Shell Shock

Mark Henry b. Great Khali – World’s Strongest Slam

Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesaro – RKO

R-Truth b. Cody Rhodes – Little Jimmy

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Chokeslam to Young

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my ebook of Monday Night Raw Reviews on Amazon at

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 22, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

This is going WAY back into the day, as in the show isn’t even two months old yet. This would be the seventh episode of the series and we’re coming up on Wrestlemania IX. The main story tonight though is that for the first time ever on Raw, Hulk Hogan will be live in the ring for one of the only times ever in the early days. It’s also Hogan’s first on screen appearance since around Wrestlemania of the previous year. Let’s get to it.

Rob Bartlett, a comedian who was on Raw in the early days (and has since admitted that he had no business there and knew he was terrible) says we’re live from New York for Monday Night Raw.

The announcers talk about the upcoming show for a bit and they do the “It’s uncut, uncooked and uncensored.” Again, why is it called Raw?

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Scott Taylor

In a few years Taylor would change his last name to 2 Hotty. Bartlett: “Who is Bigelow fighting? Some guy they got off the street?” Taylor gets in a few shots to start but a BIG clothesline takes him right back down. An electric chair puts Bigelow down again as Savage has now started calling Hogan divine. He was a monster earlier and now he’s heavenly. A butterfly backbreaker sets up a pair of top rope headbutts to end the squash. Bigelow wins in case you’re some kind of schnook.

We get a pre recorded interview with Hogan where he says that the future for Hulkamania is really bright. Before he gets to that though, he talks about the past of Hulkamania where he is indeed a human being that has made mistakes. I think this is an admission of his steroid use but he never says those exact words. Granted he admitted it in the trial but that hadn’t happened yet.

Now Hogan talks about “tabloid terrorism” and goes onto a mini rant about how bad it is when someone says something and doesn’t back it up. I’m legitimately laughing out loud that HULK HOGAN is complaining about someone making false statements. Hogan issues a fifth demandment: Train, say your prayers, take your vitamins, believe in yourself and now, BELIEVE IN HULK HOGAN!

Nasty Boys/Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels/Beverly Brothers

Shawn is IC Champion and feuding with Tatanka or about to be feuding with him. Apparently it’s the former. For clarity, the Beverlys are Beau and Blake and the Nastys are Jerry Sags and Brian Knobbs. It’s a big brawl to start until we get down to Sags vs. we’ll say Blake Beverly. It’s off to Knobbs and there’s a double Beverly Pit Stop (don’t ask). Tatanka vs. Shawn is official for Mania. Blake finally gets a boot up in the corner and it’s off to Shawn. The champ hits a jumping back elbow to take Knobbs down and the Brothers get in some cheating.

Knobbs escapes long enough to tag in Tatanka so Shawn goes running over to Beau for a tag. Tatanka hooks an armbar on Beau before it’s back to Sags for the same move. A shoulder breaker puts Beau down and it’s back to Tatanka for more cranking on the arm. Everything breaks down again and Beau keeps getting beaten up. Back to Brian for more beating in the corner and we take a break.

Back with Knobbs stomping away on Beau even more. Blake finally does something by low bridging Brian to give his brother control. Off to Blake legally now as Savage is talking about Boyz 2 Men. Shawn comes in but is only a decoy to allow the Brothers to do the Haas/Benjamin spot of one jumping over the other’s back to land on Brian’s back as he’s draped over the ropes. Off to Blake for a bearhug which goes nowhere so it’s off to Beau for some generic stomping.

Thankfully Shawn comes in to stop another tag or the match might have actually gotten interesting. That was a close call. Brian and Michaels clothesline each other and we get a tag off to Tatanka. A bit of house is cleaned and Tatanka gets two off a top rope chop. The Papoose To Go puts Shawn out but everything breaks down. We get down to Shawn vs. Tatanka and Shawn loads up the Teardrop Suplex but Tatanka reverses into a sunset flip for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. This match just kept going. I’m not sure if the Nastys and Beverlys were feuding at this point but they didn’t fight at Wrestlemania. Then again I’m surprised the Beverlys still had jobs at this point so it’s not a surprise that they’re filling in a spot in a six man tag here. WAY too long of a match here though and it wasn’t good enough to validate this amount of time.

Wrestlemania IX is coming to Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.

Speaking of people who shouldn’t have a job at this point, Sean Mooney is with the fans who are excited about Hogan being back.

BUY VARIOUS WWF MERCHANDISE!!!

Crush vs. Terry Taylor

It’s another squash as Crush gets to throw Taylor around for a bit. The interesting note during this match: Vince talks about Bill Clinton appointing Hulk to head up his physical fitness council. That’s all well and good, but we get a phone call from “Arnold Schwarzenegger” (Bartlett doing a decent impression), ranting about how he wants that position. Taylor hooks a chinlock and a jawbreaker before Crush throws him off. A few power moves set up the Headvice on Taylor for the submission.

Rating: D. Seriously, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS BARTLETT GUY??? I get that he’s a comedian, but that begs the question: if you want comedy, why is Bobby Heenan not doing this role? He’s a funny guy and actually knows what he’s talking about in wrestling. Bartlett is certainly trying but he’s just not in the right role here.

We recap Money Inc. smashing Beefcake’s already hurt face with a metal briefcase. This turned Jimmy Hart face and has brought Hogan back to avenge his friend.

Here’s Hogan for the first time on Monday Night Raw. He says he has a lot of stuff to talk about but first of all, it’s about Brutus Beefcake and his face injury. Hogan thanks God and Jimmy Hart for helping Brutus through this as apparently that’s enough to forgive Jimmy for about ten years of tormenting him. Hulk calls out Brutus, who looks pretty good for having his face crushed just a week or two ago.

Beefcake talks about how he was hurt last week but thankfully his face is now made of titanium so it didn’t do much damage. Well it broke his nose but that’s an acceptable loss. They bring out Jimmy Hart as their new manager and wouldn’t you know it: Jimmy has always wanted to manage Hulk. So is it like when you’re seven and you pick on the girls you like? Oh and they’re called the Mega Maniacs. Jimmy’s first assignment: get them matches with Money Inc., either singles or tag matches. This was another long segment with some stupid parts to it.

Wrestlemania is still happening at Caesar’s Palace. Nothing has changed in the last 20 minutes.

Hogan and Beefcake are still posing after the break.

Undertaker vs. Skinner

After the entrances we take a break with like two minutes left. Skinner clotheslines him to the floor but we have a G.I. Joe commercial to get through. Skinner pounds away on Undertaker and knocks him to the floor where Taker gets choked. Vince tells us that next week Bret is defending the world title against “one of the Headshrinkers.” Yeah they don’t even have an opponent yet. The show ends with the match still in progress.

Overall Rating: D. I know the shows were bad back in the day, but this was REALLY bad. Hogan and Beefcake teaming up with Hart was the focus of this show but it never clicked at all. Even when I was a kid (five at this point) I didn’t buy Jimmy Hart as Hogan’s friend. They were enemies and it didn’t work that all of a sudden they got along. Other than that the show was dull and didn’t have any good matches in sight. We’ll get back to 1993 eventually.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 28, 2002
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 9,034
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re inching closer to No Way Out and I don’t think we have any matches announced for it yet. Granted it’s not like it matters as that’s just a stop before we get to HHH’s moment at Wrestlemania which I’m sure everyone is thrilled about. The main event tonight is Austin vs. Angle which sounds like a #1 contenders match to me. Oh and in case you were wondering what Vince’s announcement was, keep reading. Let’s get to it.

Kane vs. Big Show

We immediately open with a match and Big Show runs him over quickly. A clothesline puts Kane down again and an elbow drop gets two. Kane fights up and wins a brief slugout, only to get kicked in the face. That’s fine by Kane as he pops up and slams Show, only to go up and jump into the chokeslam for two. Show is STUNNED so he tries another chokeslam but Kane hits his version first for the fast pin. Not horrible actually.

Flair is in the office when the APA comes in. They yell about the people Vince is bringing in (I’m saving the reveal for later) and say these people are poison. Bradshaw wants a fight right now but the guys haven’t debuted yet.

Goldust quotes the Usual Suspects and talks about presumably Rock some more.

We get another clip from the Rumble of Maven eliminating Undertaker and the beating that followed. Since Maven was never eliminated from the Rumble, Maven gets a world title match tonight.

Jericho says he granted Maven the title match tonight because he’s a fighting champion. However, why are the people talking about Maven when Jericho got the biggest win of his career at the same Rumble? Tonight Jericho is going to watch Angle and Austin beat each other up and then at No Way Out, he’ll pick up the pieces.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Regal is defending. Van Dam jumps Regal during the brass knuckles search and the fans go NUTS. Rob rams him into the steps before we head inside for the first time. There’s the stepover kick for two on Regal followed by the standing moonsault for the same. Not that it matters are Regal kicks Rob low for the LAME DQ.

Regal shoves the referee down and leaves with his belt. Rob goes after him though and pounds away but cue the Dudleys to beat down Van Dam. Edge makes the save for no apparent reason. I smell a tag match here. Regal comes back in and lays out Edge with the knuckles.

Stephanie comes in to yell at Flair for making HHH vs. Booker later tonight. Apparently it was Papa McMahon that made the match, not Flair. Ok then.

Lance Storm/Christian vs. Godfather/Diamond Dallas Page

Apparently Page is a client of Godfather’s escort service. Godfather and Storm start things off and a big back elbow puts Lance down. Christian pulls the rope down to stop Godfather and send him to the floor. Back inside a Storm dropkick gets two and Christian comes in to stomp away for a bit. A double Canadian suplex gets two and it’s back to Storm for a legdrop for two. Christian gets another two count but starts having a fit. Not hot tag brings in DDP who cleans part of the house. Christian goes up but gets crotched, allowing Godfather to hit the running splash, followed by a Diamond Cutter to Storm for the pin.

Rating: D. This came and went and was nothing of note. Godfather didn’t fit at all in the new WWF and it was very clear in a hurry. Page didn’t work in WWE either as there was no connection with the fans. Page grew up in WCW before the fans’ eyes, but here he’s a guy who used to be a big deal in WCW and that’s it. That isn’t going to work and never has before.

Vince is here and is almost in a trance. The limo was late to the show so the driver apologizes, but Vince just taps him on the arm and walks away. That’s not normal McMahon behavior to put it mildly.

Here’s Flair as we’re somehow in Flair Country again this week. He talks about beating Vince at the Rumble a few weeks ago, which led to Vince having a meltdown on Smackdown. The show saw Vince sitting in a chair for the entire show, talking about how he was going to destroy his own creation. At the end of the night, Vince spun around, revealing the letters N.W.O. on the back of his chair.

That’s who people have been worried about all night long and that’s who Flair wants to stop from coming. Therefore, Flair is going to appeal to Vince’s pride by showing a video he’s had made: The History of the WWF. Usually I don’t show videos in my reviews, but I can’t describe how good this is, as it covers EVERYTHING of note in company history. Check this out.

Flair asks Vince to come out and face him and here’s the (half) boss. Ric goes on a rant and a half about how Vince must be out of his mind to think of bringing those guys here. If Vince wants to beat up Flair, go right ahead if that keeps those guys out. If ANYONE in that video means anything to Vince, he shouldn’t do it.

Vince grabs the mic and says he wants 100% control of his company and he wants Flair out. If Flair sells Vince his stock back at the price Flair paid for it, no NWO. Vince gives him a few days to think about it, but if Flair says no then the poison of the NWO enters the WWF and destroys the company. Vince says that if his company is going down, everyone is going with him but he will be the last one to survive. AWESOME segment here and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to see more of this stuff.

Nidia is at WWF New York and is excited about Maven’s title shot.

WWF World Title: Maven vs. Chris Jericho

Maven finally has some trunks. Jericho turns his back on Maven to start but gets jumped for his efforts. A decent dropkick gets two for the rookie and Jericho is STUNNED. They head to the floor where Maven gets his chest lit up by chops. Back inside and Jericho knocks him down before taking off a buckle pad. Maven escapes the Walls and launches Jericho into the exposed buckle for a VERY hot two. There’s a small package for the same and the fans are losing their minds here. Not that it matters though as the Walls are put on and Maven wisely taps out.

Rating: C+. Considering Maven debuted less than a year ago with NO seasoning, this was pretty awesome stuff. Those near falls were really close and the fans were totally into it. The one perk of having such a weak champion is that people buy into the idea that anyone can beat him, even someone like Maven. Not horrible by any account.

Post match heeeeeeeeere’s Taker for the big beatdown. He beats on Maven in the Tree of Woe and does the throat crush with a chair. Jericho is lounging back on commentary during the beating.

Taker threatens to make Coach’s teeth into a necklace if he says the name Maven in Taker’s presence again. The Dead Man goes on a rant about Maven and says that Maven is going to keep paying the price until it’s decided that the bill is paid up. As for Rock, it’s none of his business who eliminated Undertaker. Taker says he doesn’t sing and dance, and he won’t be disrespected by Rock.

Jazz finds Billy and Chuck “stretching”. Apparently groin stretches are next so Jazz leaves.

Stephanie yells about HHH’s match but HHH doesn’t seem to care who made the match with Booker. Oh and why did HHH take off his wedding ring for a match? HHH: “Because I’m wrestling.” Silly question, easy answer.

Trish Stratus/APA vs. Jazz/Billy and Chuck

The girls start and Jazz hits a big clothesline to take over. A dropkick sends Jazz out to the floor but she comes right back with a double chickenwing lift. Off to Chuck who shoves Trish down before it’s off to Bradshaw for a whooping. Chuck pounds away in the corner but Bradshaw shrugs it off and brings in Faarooq. A spinebuster puts Chuck down and everything breaks down. Trish tries a rana on Chuck but gets powerbombed down for two. Chuck made sure to not go chest to chest on her in a funny bit.

Rating: D. This went nowhere at all other than a funny comedy spot at the end. The tag division was dead at this point and I honestly can’t think of who the champions are here. Oh wait it’s a team that’s been together for all of six weeks and who won’t team together again after losing the titles. Nothing to see here.

Angle tells the fans WHAT: he’s going to No Way Out.

Booker T vs. HHH

They fight over a top wristlock to start and HHH takes him down to he mat where he can pound away. Now to mix it up, HHH pounds away in the corner, only to get dropped face first onto the buckle. Booker misses a spin kick and charges into a spinebuster to put both guys down. The jumping knee to the face staggers Booker and a neckbreaker gets two.

We head to the floor and HHH nails him with a clothesline before sending him back into the ring. Here’s Christian of all people to lay out HHH to give Booker a two count. There’s a facebuster to put Booker back down as Stephanie runs out to slap Christian in the face. HHH saves his wife but Booker rams them together, allowing him to roll up the Game and use a handful of trunks for the surprise pin.

Rating: D+. It’s pretty clear that new HHH isn’t nearly as good as the old one was. This was almost all punching and signature stuff before the screwy ending. Apparently Christian and HHH had some kind of interaction on Smackdown which is fine for a reason for the interference here. HHH would take a LONG time to get back into form.

HHH went OFF on Stephanie during the break and threw her out of the locker room.

Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Winner gets the title shot at No Way Out. As is his custom, Austin starts pounding away on the floor before hitting a powerslam for two in the ring. There’s the Thesz Press and Angle is in trouble. Scratch that as Angle comes right back with a belly to belly overhead suplex for two. A hard whip sends Austin into the corner but he comes back with that whip spinebuster of his for a delayed two.

Angle comes back by rolling Germans but Austin comes back by sitting him on the top and chopping away. A top rope superplex takes Angle down for two and they head to the floor. Back in and a low blow puts Austin down. Angle slides in a chair but Austin intercepts it, only to hold his cool in a surprising turn of events.

Steve loads up the Stunner but gets shoved into the referee. Angle lays him out with the chair but only gets two when the referee is back up. There’s the ankle lock but Austin finally grabs the rope. The Angle Slam gets two as Austin gets his foot on the rope but Kurt of course things he won. The referee tells him what happened but he walks into a Stunner to send Austin to No Way Out.

Rating: B. Austin and Angle were guys that had great chemistry together and they showed it again here. As I’ve said before, Austin’s in ring abilities are often forgotten, which is a shame because he’s an excellent performer inside the ring. This worked very well and it made you believe Jericho was in real trouble when we get to the PPV.

Post match Jericho charges in but gets a Stunner of his own.

Overall Rating: B. This is a show where what was weak was quite weak but what was good was OUTSTANDING. The history video is as good as you will ever see and I’d love to see an updated one for the modern era. Either way, this is pretty easily the show of the year so far with some excellent stuff and mostly short bad stuff. That’s a great help to the show and it worked quite well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage
Date: February 18, 1996
Location: Louisville Gardens, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 5.500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This show took place an hour away from me, and somehow I never heard about it once. I didn’t know it was in Louisville until I rented the tape in May. That’s how great the advertising was. Anyway, this was the follow up show to the Royal Rumble and the build up for Wrestlemania 12. At the previous show, the winner of the Rumble was Shawn Michaels as he was finally launched into the main event scene which he has never really left.

Also on the card, Goldust got the IC Title from Razor in what was supposed to be culminated in a street fight at Mania in March, but Razor was suspended for drug issues. He was gone in May and 8 days after his last match he was on Nitro, officially beginning the NWO angle which changed wrestling forever.

The other big match was Taker vs. Hart for the world title, which Taker won by DQ when Diesel interfered at the end and was caught. Since Taker had his shot already, Diesel was named the new #1 contender, which is your main event tonight: Diesel vs. Bret in a cage match. Taker, for some reason, is YET AGAIN in the dark match, this time continuing his completely forgotten IC Title feud with Goldust.

However, he’s featured prominently in the recap video at the beginning, so him doing something in the main event is pretty much a given at this point. In what I am completely stunned by, we start with that age old struggle of good vs. evil: Razor Ramon vs. The 1-2-3 Kid!

Razor Ramon vs. 1-2-3 Kid

This is a crybaby match, meaning the loser is put in a diaper.  Ok, let me make sure I’ve got this straight. The Kid got his first win over Razor in May of 1993, and now, THREE YEARS LATER they’re still in the same program? My goodness this is absurd. You have one of the most over faces on the roster and you stick him with the exact same guy for this long? Seriously, no program goes that long. Even Austin and Vince had some time apart in their epic feud and I don’t think that went three years did it?

Good grief no wonder Razor bailed as soon as he could. In this brilliant idea, they have a standard match and the loser is put in a diaper. As I’m writing this review, I’ve got my eyes closed and am shaking my head. This is mind numbingly stupid. Did Razor light Stephanie’s dog on fire or something one day?

Fink is announcing tonight, so this show just went way up in value. They do us the favor of showing us the “in depth” history of these two, which apparently goes back 4 weeks instead of three years. Kid cost Razor the IC Title at the Rumble in case you were interested. The Kid brings out a stroller with a Razor teddy bear in it as my intelligence is withering away at this. Yes kids, the WWF can actually make you stupid.

Oh and Kid’s face and heel music are still the same, which is never a good idea. Are you listening Jericho? Change your freaking music already. Hokey soke the Kid used a springboard move. THAT’S WHAT HE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE DONE! No one would buy the Kid, a guy that weighs about 210 being able to go toe to toe with anyone. Him using the ropes made sense, but I don’t ever remember him doing it other than right there, and so far he hasn’t done it again in this match. In a really dumb spot, DiBiase throws baby powder in Razor’s eyes. Ok, that makes sense.

However, the referee is looking RIGHT AT HIM when he does it and says nothing at all. Kid is slowly starting to incorporate the crotch chop. The awfulness of that gimmick was apparently long standing. Oh great, it’s a sleeper. Oh sweet he’s not in it long. They botch……something. Not sure what that was supposed to be, and they end up in yet another sleeper, this time with Kid on Razor’s back. Oh the symbolism in that.

The Kid, hanging on to Razor, forcing Razor to carry the Kid, yet at the same time cutting off Razor’s life and making him drowsy and boring. I’ve been watching WAY too much wrestling lately. Vince actually says Razor is going nighty night. My life is now complete. Eventually the powder trick backfires as the Kid takes it in the eyes, Razor’s Edge, 1, 2, Razor picks him up. I want to hurt that man severely.

What have I done to deserve such torment? Why does this have to continue? Another Edge, and that ends it……please? THANK GOODNESS. Post match….blast it, the Kid is put into a diaper and fed a bottle as I could go for a bottle myself, but I’d like something with massive amounts of either alcohol or drugs mixed in so I can hopefully forget this match happened.

Rating: D. The wrestling is ok I guess, but dear lord these guys have been either teaming or feuding for almost three full years. What’s the point anymore? No one wanted to see this match again. Razor would have drug issues soon thereafter and not get to have his blowoff match with Goldust at Mania. He would come back to job to Vader and he would be in WCW within a month. He’s a lucky man indeed.

HHH vs. Duke Droese

Droese is a wrestling garbage man. I wish I was making that up, and that’s all there really is to say about that. Duke says he’ll take HHH out like yesterday’s garbage. Duke’s nickname is the Dumpster. Who in the world thought that would be a good nickname? Anyway, this started because HHH cut Duke’s hair on Superstars a few weeks ago.

They had a one on one match before the Rumble with the winner getting the 30 spot and the loser getting the 1 spot. Duke of all people wound up getting the 30 spot and of course, he was gone in about a minute. This match is just hard to comment on as absolutely no one cares at all. The crowd is so dead that it’s pitiful. The biggest problem here is that no one, and I mean no one cares about Duke.

I mean really, a freaking garbage collector? He has his name across his shirt. Is that in case he gets lost or something? They keep cutting to a split screen with HHH’s date and Lawler. No one cares. The hype for the Superstar line is never ending. It was a thing where you could talk to the wrestlers in the previous matches. Cool idea, but it was a one in a million shot of getting through. Either that or it was likely prerecorded comments.

The crowd is so dead it’s pathetic. They were somewhat hot for the last match so it can’t be the crowd as a whole. This match is just awful in general. Duke hits his finisher but of course doesn’t cover. He instead goes and gets his garbage can, but the referee throws it out. HHH hits him with the lid and pins him.

Rating: C-. Simply put, no one wanted to watch this and it was obvious. You could see that there were big plans for HHH, but no one knew how big. I’ll get to what the full extent of those plans were as well as how they inadvertently saved the company in our next review. Also, the next woman that HHH had with him will be known as Sable, at Wrestlemania.

We see a recap of two weeks ago when Yoko turned face by attacking his manager Jim Cornette. That leads us to this match.

For the first time, Yoko cuts his own promo, with no Japanese accent at all. He says he’s tired of Cornette taking all the credit for the work he did. Makes sense actually. Michael Hayes being taller than Yoko makes me laugh. Hayes saying get ready for a train wreck makes me laugh even harder.

Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant at all. Yoko at this point was just too fat to do anything with. He was nearing seven hundred pounds and was on his last legs in the company as well as in his career. They figured that the best way to do anything with him would be to put him with a power guy so they put him with Bulldog. It is failing miserably. Yoko is dominating at the beginning but after that it’s just bad.

More or less Yoko destroys Smith and goes to set up for the Banzai but Cornette hits him in the back with the racket for the DQ. Post match Yoko stalks Cornette but Vader runs out to save him. He and Smith beat down Yoko after handcuffing him to the ropes. Suits and officials run in to break it up.

Rating: F. This was five minutes of clotheslines, punches and forearms. Total waste of time and just a way to get Vader to look dominant as he was being pushed as the monster heel. Yoko’s size is just sad to look at by this point.

We see a recap of Owen and Shawn’s rivalry, mainly focusing on Owen injuring Shawn to the point where he had to release the IC Title. Since then, Owen had been bragging about putting Shawn out of action etc. That brings us here, as Shawn had already won the Rumble and the guaranteed title shot. He puts it on the line for a chance at retribution with Owen.

Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

As I’ve said many times, this should have been your main event at Royal Rumble 1998 instead of Shawn vs. Taker or whatever. Owen did the run in at the end of DX IYH, yet Shawn was afraid Owen would shoot on him and humiliate him, so instead we got Shawn vs. Taker where Shawn hurt his back.

Tell me Shawn vs. Owen after Montreal wouldn’t have been straight MONEY. A guy like Owen that could keep up with a guy like Shawn? How could that not just be sweet, factoring in the Montreal aspect? Oh well at least we get it one time. Here you are. Note the foreshadowing of the legendary WM 12 entrance by how he comes to the ring here.

Shawn says he’ll win tonight and that’s a guarantee. He comes in off the roof of the In Your House set which is kind of cool. Owen bails as we fill in even more time here. We get fireworks before the match starts. The ending is pretty clear here but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to have a good match. Can’t beat that.

Technical stuff to start which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Shawn is showboating already so at least he’s not wasting time in that regard. Owen heads to the floor and Shawn hits a huge dive to take him out. Nothing serious at all so far but it’s all Shawn. Both guys nip up and Shawn gets a Frankensteiner to continue his dominance.

Big old belly to belly catches Shawn and Owen takes over. Jerry begs Owen to kick him in the head. You can’t say he’s not violent. Camel clutch goes on as Shawn is in trouble. Shawn has a bad head and neck so Owen goes on his back. Jerry gives Owen credit for the camel clutch. As in saying Owen invented it.

After some brief comeback attempts by Shawn he gets a suplex over the ropes to the floor. There’s a different look here as it looks less professional which isn’t something you often have to say about a WWF show. And then Owen catches him in a powerslam from the apron to the floor which looked painful.

Back in the ring and Owen takes his head off with a running clothesline but doesn’t cover. Even Lawler thinks that’s a bad idea. Sharpshooter goes on but you can tell it’s not a Bret one as the bell hasn’t rung yet and we’ve had it on for more than 2 seconds. Ropes are grabbed shortly thereafter.

I forgot how annoying Vince’s “HE GOT HIM! NO HE DIDN’T” stuff was. The head killing enziguri hits and Shawn goes to the floor. This only gets two though and the fans are happy. Or maybe they found pennies. Forearm and nip up follow but oddly enough Owen gets up first. How often do you see that?

Big elbows hits and Shawn drills Cornette for general purposes. Enziguri #2 misses and Sweet Chin Music sends Shawn to Mania, which I’m sure he would have been at anyway but since that’s a common expression we’ll say it anyway. Solid match as you would expect. He dances with a little girl in the ring too.

Rating: A-. This match made the show. Up until now it was one of the worst shows I’d ever seen but then we get to this. While it’s not a classic or really anything close to it, this is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. You have two guys that could go in the ring, a good storyline, and while it was fairly obvious Shawn would win, it was fun to see. Good match and light years ahead of everything else so far tonight.

Next up we have an interview with the interim president of the company: Roddy Piper. At the time, Vince hadn’t been revealed as the owner of the company. He was just the commentator and nothing more than that. So, we had a guy that would be called the President. For years and years it was this guy named Jack Tunney (Santino referenced him before WM this year in case you were wondering where you had heard that name before).

Once Tunney retired, Gorilla Monsoon took over. However, the night after the Rumble, Vader beat the heck out of him, so while he’s on the shelf, Piper is in charge. His run ends at WM 12. He starts off by saying that HBK better be ready because he’ll be in for the fight of his life no matter what and there must be a winner, which is foreshadowing the overtime in the Iron Man Match.

He says he has no sympathy for Yoko getting beaten down earlier because Yoko is too big to be attacked like that. He insults Vader. Piper cracking jokes about Mr. T. is funny stuff. Piper makes Yoko vs. Vader for WM 12. That becomes a 6 man tag. Cornette and Vader interrupt but Piper shouts Cornette down which is just hilarious.

Ladies and Gentlemen, take notes: these are two of the greatest, if not the two greatest talkers of all time in this business. More or less, Cornette says that Vader will crush everyone. Piper says that there’s going to be a fight at Mania. COrnette and his lawyer argue as Piper leaves.

WWF Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

As we’ve already established, this is a cage match and the rematch from the Survivor Series. They’re using the old school blue cage so this should be good indeed. Bret’s always had good cage matches and this was when Nash was still solid in the ring. Pretty slow start but that’s fine here. Right now it’s just a match with walls around them. Not bad by any means though. Bret works on Diesel’s knee for most of the match for your psychology aspect.

This really is more of just a one on one match with the cage as a small element, which is workable. It’s been a good match thus far with a story to it. That story being that Bret is trying to incapacitate Diesel so his size can’t help him out of the cage. We also get some good false finishes as both get close to escape but the other makes a last second save. The way the commentators are talking, Bret is retiring after this match.

I especially love how they talk about what a great champion Bret has been, when he’s been world champion less than three months at this point. Based on that commentary alone and knowing the hidden messages that come from commentators, it was obvious that Bret was winning here. The crowd is really into this so it’s going well at least. After nearly twenty minutes, Diesel is crawling for the door and he kicks Bret off of him so he’s all alone.

As he’s about to get out, the mat splits open and the Undertaker rises through the hole, pulling Diesel down into it screaming. Smoke flies out of it as Bret climbs out of the cage to keep the title, setting up the famous Mania main event. Post match Diesel comes out of the hole and runs from Taker who climbs to the top of the cage to stare Diesel down as Paul Bearer arrives with a new urn.

Rating: B+. Very solid stuff here. No one really expected Diesel to win but they made it entertaining anyway. Everyone knew Taker was going to get involved, but these two managed to make us forget about that. That is great work as they got our attention away so the ending was surprising. Solid stuff here and by far the best main event in the series’ history.

In the back, Piper makes the obvious match for Mania: Diesel vs. Taker, to close the show.

Overall Rating: C. There are only 5 matches so we have very little to grade. The first three matches absolutely sucked. There’s no other way to describe them. They were boring, uninteresting and just a waste of time. The other two matches however, the ones used to set up Mania which was the point of the show, were both very good if not great.

It finished strong which was what it was supposed to do so it redeems a lot of the mistakes it made earlier. Not really recommended, but not recommended to avoid either.

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