In Your House 13: Final Four
Date: February 16, 1997
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,399
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well we’re in between the Rumble and Mania and DANG if it’s not a weird time in the WWF. There is no world champion at the moment but we’ll get to that. To begin with let’s recap the Rumble which should explain a lot. Three things happened there: Vader beat Taker with help from Paul Bearer, Shawn got the WWF Title back from Sid, and most importantly Steve Austin won the Royal Rumble in a stunning shock.

OR DID HE???

Well yes but he shouldn’t have. Your final five men were Bret, Taker, Vader, Austin and the fake Diesel (Kane). Mankind and Terry Funk were fighting on the floor which had the attention of the referees. During this fight, Hart eliminated Austin but no referee saw it. Austin got back in, eliminated Vader and Taker just after Hart eliminated Diesel. Austin took out Hart and the referees turned around to see him alone in the ring.

Austin is declared the winner and therefore the #1 contender. HOWEVER, Gorilla Monsoon doesn’t like this so he makes a match for this PPV which he dubs Final Four. Austin, Hart, Taker and Vader, the final four men in the ring in the Rumble, would have a match at the PPV for the right to go to Mania. Ok, that’s all well and good. However, there was a special Thursday edition of Raw where Shawn forfeited the title, citing a knee injury and a lost smile.

That night he had been scheduled to face Sid in a title match, so instead of just naming Sid Champion, the four way match at the PPV was now for the title with the winner facing Sid the following night on Raw for the title. Did you get all that?

That leads us here. Also on the card we have Furnas and LaFon (don’t ask) challenging for the tag belts as well as Rocky Maivia defending the IC Title that he took from HHH on the same Thursday Raw against HHH in a rematch. This is your last PPV before WM 13, so it better rock. Let’s see if it rocks or just Flex Kavanas.

Marc Mero vs. Leif Cassidy

We open with this, as in just after the recap we hear Sable’s music begin. You can tell the camera people either don’t care about this match or are just really stupid as Mero is in the ring and his pyro is going off before we even see him for the first time.

Sable has got her classic look down now: long blonde hair, one piece black leather outfit, big earrings and sunglasses. Just…dang. Anyway, Cassidy is already in the ring so how good are you expecting this match to really be? I actually like Cassidy’s stuff better than Mero’s. Let that sink in for a bit. Your psychology for this match is Cassidy works on Mero’s knee. Mero is your face here…I think.

Actually it’s more like Sable is the face and Marc is hers but that’s neither here nor there. Snow really can carry a match when he’s allowed to. It’s not something anyone cares about though as it’s Leif Cassidy vs. Marc Mero but Snow (Cassidy in case you didn’t pick up on that) is handling this very well.

Everything he does makes sense and has a point to it. There’s no noticeably stupid moves anywhere which is a very nice break. He goes after Sable though and Mero rescues her. After this he hits like three moves and no sells the knee injury to hit his shooting star press to win it.

Rating: D. If I could split this up into two ratings it would be an F for Mero and an A for Cassidy. Mero was just awful out there. He was on defense for probably 80-85 percent of the match, slams Cassidy’s head twice, hits a bad Samoan drop and his finisher to win while no selling the whole point of the match. Snow on the other hand was crisp, solid, and logical. You’re facing a high flier, keep him on the mat.

That’s smart wrestling and something that makes sense to do. He even threw in a figure four, which to be fair was the absolute worst I’ve ever seen but he was at least trying. I was impressed with him but Mero was just awful. Sable of course was the highlight with her looks, but it was close.

Now we get a double shot of weirdness. To begin with, immediately after that match, Honky Tonk Man comes out. Now, that’s not incredibly weird because based on the reaction I would assume that he’d been around a bit lately as the announcers and the crowd don’t seem stunned by his appearance.

I know he had an angle coming up that had either already started or started tonight but we’ll cover that later. The really weird part comes when he’s about to get into the ring.

We cut to a video package recapping Shawn’s forfeiting the title which shows the entire speech, Gorilla’s announcement of the title being on the line in the Four Way, and then we go to an interview with Sid. Just comes from nowhere and while it would usually be fine, why have HTM come out and then show it? He didn’t even get to have his music end.

As for the speech, here’s my take on it: you can believe him or not, and I personally think that he was at least half telling the truth, but he’s made it clear that the knee was nowhere near as bad as he implied. He had a minor surgery that could have waited but he says he very well may be retiring because of it. All I know is this: for a long stretch in that interview you could hear a pin drop in the audience.

People were on the verge of tears because Shawn might have to go. You can like Shawn you can hate Shawn you can be indifferent to him as I am for the most part, but the people loved him and that simply cannot be denied. What I believe however is that he simply didn’t want to lose to Bret at Mania 13. It was very clear that was where they were going with things, but Shawn just didn’t want to do it so he backed out.

Anyway, Sid says he’s taking the title tomorrow.

Flash Funk/Bart Gunn/Goldust vs. Nation of Domination

Flash’s entrance takes a ridiculous amount of time as he and his ladies, who are sexy in an odd way, just have to have a full dance sequence in the ring. As his illustrious partners make their way to the ring, we get a recap to explain this “feud”. Apparently all three of our jobbers have been unfairly beaten by the NOD thanks to their gang mentality. The Nation makes their entrance and look like the NWO.

I kid you not, there are 9 people in this stable. A checklist: 2 white rappers, Clarence Mason, D’lo Brown, Farrooq, Crush, Savio Vega and two guys who were apparently actors hired to look like the NOD was bigger than it really was, which is actually a good idea. That’s a huge freaking stable and their coming through the crowd and rapping their own music was genius.

This match goes under 7 minutes so this is going to be a relatively short review. Basically here all that happens is a six man tag. It’s as simple as that. This is a basic 6 man tag match. It’s not great and it’s not bad. It’s just your standard run of the mill 6 man tag. Faces start strong, heel takes over, you get a face comeback and the heels win. There is however one sick spot in it. Funk is getting double teamed by Savio and Farrooq.

They send him into the ropes for a double clothesline but he grabs their arms and in one motion backflips over them to land a double clothesline of his own. I was very impressed by this move as it just looks sick. Finish comes when Crush drops a leg on Bart to let Farrooq pin him.

Rating: C-. Now stop me if you’re heard this one before: a cowboy, a pimp and a man that is of the homosexual persuasion walk into a bar. Seriously we have those three gimmicks against a group modeled on the Black Panthers. How over the top can you get? And Vince has the nerve to wonder why the NWO was kicking his head in in the ratings at the time? Give me a break.

In the back Doc is with Steve Austin. He talks about how Austin hasn’t beaten any of the three men he’s in the ring with. Austin says he did at the Rumble and there’s a conspiracy against him by everyone in the company with any kind of power.

IC Title: HHH vs. Rocky Maivia

This is the rematch from three days prior as Rocky shocked the world and took the IC title from HHH. Helmsley has gotten to the best heel music I can remember in a long time as he comes out to Beethoven’s Ode To Joy now. Dang that’s some sweet music for a heel. He’s also dropped the random woman valet which helps a lot as well in my eyes. He’s becoming much more deadly in the ring and the HHH character is coming soon.

HHH is a twig at this point, maybe cracking 245 soaking wet. Rocky was still a rookie at this point but you could see the star in him just begging to get out with a gimmick change. HHH was on the verge of stardom but not as naturally. Early on the botch a baseball slide spot but HHH does a great improvised spot where he turns it into a drop toehold. This is a pretty good match so far with some good one liners from the King.

HHH is so rich he takes taxis to drive in movies. You could see the chemistry that these two had even this young in their careers. They knew how to get the best out of one another and that’s not something that can be taught to you by anyone. The commentators do a comparison of the people that trained both men to kill some time. JR mistakenly says that was a nice slupex by HHH so you can see him starting to slip even 12 years ago.

HHH and Hebner do their usual thing of Earl not being willing to be intimidated by HHH. HHH hits a perfect jumping knee to the face which might be the best he’s ever done. This is a very good match as it’s hard hitting and has a lot of near falls. However, they of course ruin it with the finish. Goldust whom HHH was feuding with at the time comes and stands in the aisle allowing Maivia to hit a German suplex to get the pin.

Post match Marlena gets choked out by some big woman/man with black hair that would come to be known as Chyna. Goldust says “throw her in jail.” They did a decent job of implying she was just a fan but the replay of it kind of gives it away.

Rating: B+. This was a very good match and if it had a finish could have been great. These two just put on great matches together no matter what and this was no exception. Rocky would go on to have a nice little reign with the title while HHH would go on to do nothing over the Summer but would starting hanging out with Shawn Michaels and that creature that just interfered in a little thing that would come to be called DX.

Promo for Mania airs.

Kevin Kelly interviews Vader who says he’ll be taking down all three men tonight. Paul Bearer says the same thing.

Tag Titles: Furnas/LaFon vs. Owen/Bulldog

This was a strange match. The story is that the champions have been arguing a lot lately and at the same time they lost in a Survivor Series match to these same two guys, resulting in this tag match. Now I know nothing about the challengers at all but to be fair I really hadn’t seen much of them. These guys were actually good. They were great movers out there and had some great technical stuff.

The person that stood out the most though was the referee. He was just flat out bad here. He kept taking forever as he kept wanting people out of the ring etc. and while that’s fine to try to keep going, he took it way too far. Whenever there was a cover he’d check the two partners before he went to make the count. That’s a waste of time and looks bad. Also during the match the champions kept fighting, eventually seeing Bulldog intentionally clothesline Owen hard.

Now once that happens it’s like a new match starts. The second match is far superior to the first one. Once they change gears, things get very good very fast. There was a ton of near falls and I actually believed that there would be new champions on more than one occasion. I knew who was going to win and I still believed otherwise. That my friends is compelling wrestling. The champions get hit with everything but they keep getting up every time.

Finally the end comes and it is just strange. Bulldog gets one of the guys up for the powerslam and Owen hits the guy in the head with a Slammy right in front of the referee for the DQ. What in the world? Why would you do that when your partner was about to hit his finisher which people didn’t kick out of? They fight even more afterwards with Smith throwing down the title and then even breaking the Slammy. He finally leaves with his partners.

Rating: B-. Just like in the opening match this was a tale of two matches and two separate grades. The first half was just flat out bad. It wasn’t interesting and I was wanting to just fast forward through the match and get to the end. However once Owen and Bulldog got done fighting the thing turned into a great tag match.

The ending just made no sense at all and was just to further the Bulldog/Owen angle which mostly ended with the debut of the European Title later on that month in which these two faced each other for the title.

Doc is with the Deadman in that back who says he has rediscovered his edge which makes me expect the Rated R Superstar to pop up.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Vader vs. Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Lawler keeps asking what lucha libre means (the Spanish announcers keep saying it) and JR says rough wrestling for some reason. This is actually an over the top rope battle royal but you can also be eliminated by pin or submission, which is a very interesting twist. I’m not sure if I like it or not. It takes away Vader’s weight advantage but why would you try to pin someone when you can just knock them out of the ring?

Bret of course gets a prematch interview. He says nothing can stop him from taking the title tonight. Bret’s jacket really is cool. JR says that even Wrestlemania wasn’t this exciting. Suuuuuure. Starts off with both singles feuds being renewed. Very quickly Vader and Taker figure out that going through the ropes is legal. Everyone just beats on everyone with them trading partners which further supports my orgy theory from earlier.

Leaving the ring was critical here I think as it opens up a lot of alternative possibilities for these guys which is certainly a good thing. Vader gets cut BAD around his left eye. Like it looks as if it fell out and there’s just a hole there that’s shooting blood out of it. I finally found where it was and it’s not pretty. Within a few seconds he takes a chair to the face and he hits his eye on the stairs, right on the corner.

They fight all over the arena and all fight each other at least once and in some cases twice. That’s what makes this match work as well as it is: you can keep the fighting fresh. Austin even breaks out a top rope clothesline which never stops making my head shake given how bad his knees got later in his career. After that we cut to the floor where VADER HAS BRET IN A SHARPSHOOTER. What the heck???

Those things happen within a few seconds of each other. Dang I need my medicine after seeing that. Sadly enough it was a better one that the one Rock would use later in his career. We’re at 12 minutes and no one is out yet. That’s another thing that’s making this great is all four are in there for over half of the match so far. It’s more or less Bret wrestling Austin and Taker fighting Vader now.

Bret sets Austin for a belly to back suplex and Austin BACKFLIPS out of it. DANG Austin was awesome before he got hurt. Vader’s eye is freaking sick right now. This whole thing is absolutely brutal and it’s a great match so far. We’re at fifteen minutes and it’s still all four guys in there. Just as I finish typing that Austin is thrown out as Bret Hart uses what we would now call the FU to eliminate him. Bret Hart used an FU. Sly can never see this moment.

His orgasm would flood Missouri. Taker gets knocked to the floor so we continue our orgy match with Bret and Vader getting it on for awhile. I will now pause to attempt to erase such a mental picture. Ok I’m back now as Vader goes to the top in a dumb move. Why would you do that when being knocked to the floor eliminates you?

Bret stops him and lands a superplex from the top rope which is freaking insane given A) how long they’ve been going and B) the fact that Vader’s fat needs its own zip code. Taker breaks up the sharpshooter on Vader which makes no sense at all and even the announcers question it. Austin comes back out and beats up Hart some more to pretty much secure the fact that he’ll be winning this.

Vader again goes to the ropes for a Vader Bomb but Taker sits up and hits an uppercut to the little Vaders to eliminate him so we’re down to Bret vs. Taker. Austin is still around after a chokeslam and for some reason he stops the tombstone. Taker and Hart both go for Austin but Taker is too slow.

He turns around and is clotheslined out to make Bret the champion again. Sid comes out for the staredown after Taker storms off. Sid says let’s do it right now as we go off the air in the middle of the showdown. I like that ending as it leaves us on a cliffhanger for tomorrow’s show.

Rating: A. This was a very fun match and the key to it was you knew there was going to be a new champion at the end so you had to watch all of it. Another key was that no one was eliminated until over half of the match was gone. This kept things fresh and made you want to stay until the very end to see how everyone went out. The leaving the ring was key as well as it allowed three separate one on one matches to occur throughout the match. Great match indeed and very fun.

Overall Rating: B-. First two matches were pretty bad but the other three more than made up for them. By the middle of the main event I was hooked. The second half of the show was great with another solid Rock/HHH encounter, a solid and surprising tag match and a great main event. Overall this show started slowly but kicked it into high gear at the end. Not great but certainly fun, this is worth a watch someday but don’t make it a top priority.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my 1998 Monday Night Raw Review ebook on Amazon at:

Saturday Night’s Main Event 30
Date: February 8, 1992
Location: Lubbock Municipal Coliseum, Lubbock, Texas
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

We’re on FOX now so the show is about as dead as you could ask for. This is the followup to the 92 Rumble where Flair won the world title and Hogan actually teased a heel attitude at the end and got booed almost out of the building for it. This was a good time for the company as you had Flair, Hogan, Savage, Undertaker and Roberts crossing paths to an extent and the results rocked. Let’s get to it.

Intercontinental Title: Mountie vs. Roddy Piper

This is the rematch from the Rumble where Mountie was given the title for two days since Bret was hurt. Piper wouldn’t win another WWF title for about 15 years. He’s staggering around a bit so he might be a bit intoxicated. Piper is wrestling with a t-shirt on. Keep that in mind for a bit later. Apparently the winner gets Bret at Mania.

An interview with Bret says he hopes it’s Piper but is happy either way. Piper changes control when he gets his knees up to block a splash. The referee gets bumped and Mountie pours water on Piper and gives him the shock stick that he was using. Naturally it has no effect and Mountie gets it, complete with ridiculous sound effects. Piper pulls off his shirt to reveal a vest saying Shock Proof in a rather infamous moment for some reason.

Rating: C. It was about the ending and to give Mountie his rematch. It worked fine so I can’t complain. There’s not much here but since the ending was effective I’m all fine and good with it.

We get a replay of the ending of the end of the Rumble with Sid getting robbed by Hogan and Gorilla having no issue with it of course. Heenan’s near orgasm is great. We see the Mania 8 “Press Conference” with Hogan being named the #1 contender for ZERO reason. I mean seriously, he came in third and got dumped fairly. What sense does that make even in kayfabe? Sid turns heel more or less in an interview there.

Sid Justice/Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair/Undertaker

The “faces” say that they’re united. Can you see it coming? If not you’re an idiot. Hogan comes out with Brutus Beefcake instead of his partner which makes him look even more heelish. Sid and Flair start us off. We get Hogan vs. Flair and since this isn’t WCW, Flair has a chance. Hogan is of course dominating because he has to by some law.

There have been about 5 tags inside of two minutes. The idea here is Hogan is trying to do everything and Sid is getting annoyed with it. He’s jumped in twice now already. The big guys are in there now. We’ve had all four in there more often than we’ve had just two. Hogan does the four sides ear thing and Sid isn’t happy as we go to commercial. Back with Taker beating up Sid.

Sid manages to fight the heels off and get the….hot I guess tag to Hogan. Flair shows intelligence by going for the knee. You can’t question Flair’s psychology 90% of the time. Figure Four is on and it’s called a submission hold. The name is never used which is odd. Sid won’t make a tag. Taker gets a SWEET leaping clothesline to take down Hogan.

Sid gets booed and of course Vince sucks on Hogan a bit for old time’s sake. They edit out a whole line about the WWF Champion (this was aired on 24/7) and Sid drops to the floor instead of tagging and walks out. There goes the referee for the DQ and Brutus gets in. This was around the time when his face had been messed up. Hogan makes the save.

Rating: B-. It was a main event tag match and was all about the angle. That’s all well and good and it came off fine. The Hogan vs. Sid match would of course happen at Mania in what was potentially Hogan’s last match. That’s just amusing.

Sid says he rules the world, completely turning heel.

After a commercial Hogan questions Sid’s morals and says he’s not a good person. That’s just amusing.

Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Beverly Brothers

Anyone think this might be a squash? They’re a new team here and it’s an attempt to make Sarge a face again that loved America. The announcers argue over the logic of giving Hogan Flair at Mania and Heenan keeps picking Vince’s arguments apart. This doesn’t even last three minutes and of course the proud Americans win.

Rating: N/A. This was quick and nothing of note. Yep that’s about it.

We recap Savage vs. Roberts from the past few months, which more importantly about Roberts being heel of the millennium by punching Liz. Roberts says he’ll do it again.

Jake Roberts vs. Randy Savage

Savage says a lot of things in a big rant that must have been fueled by cocaine if I know anything about wrestling. Naturally this is a big freaking brawl in every sense of the words. They fight all over the ringside area with both guys beating on each other for a few minutes each. Savage takes a DDT but Jake lets him get up. The second doesn’t connect though and Savage goes airborne.

And there’s the big elbow to end it in like 5 minutes. Ok then. Savage beats him up ever more until the suits come down to break it up. Liz runs out for the big celebration. We see Jake waiting behind the curtain as the show ends. Later we would find out that he was going to hit Liz with a chair but Taker turned face and grabbed it away instead.

Rating: C+. This was too fast to really get much out of. It’s ok but nothing special at all. These two never got the big match that they needed and I think it hurt the feud in the end. Not terrible at all but far from great.

Overall Rating: C-. Total storybuilding show here as nothing is really settled in the ring, although that’s true for just about every SNME. There are some well known moments here so it’s worth a look I guess and at 45 minutes factoring out commercials it’s not like it’s going to take forever to watch. Check it out, why not.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up  my ebook of 1998 Monday Night Raw Reviews on Amazon at:

 

One Night Stand 2008
Date: June 1, 2008
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 9,961
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Tazz

 

We round out this short series with the 2008 edition. The main event here is Edge vs. Taker in a TLC match for the vacant Smackdown Title. The boys in red have HHH vs. Orton in I think their first or second last man standing match. This is basically Extreme Rules which is what the show would be renamed the next year. Oh and Batista and Shawn have a stretcher match that had a big hand in moving Shawn vs. Jericho forward. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video talks about how there is a night for rules and a night for restraint. This is not that night. It runs down the main matches which is about what an opening video is supposed to do.

 

JR sounds so bored being here it’s unreal.

 

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

 

Falls count anywhere. Jeff is in his whole chasing the brass ring phase here as he would be for most of 2008. Hardy charges straight at him….and down he goes. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two. It’s as fast as it sounds. Jeff jumps into a spinning release Rock Bottom (called a Black Hole Slam by JR) but is fine a few seconds later, hitting a plancha to the floor for two.

 

Into the crowd we go as Umaga sends Jeff flying to various places. Jeff finds a weapon in the form of a hollow traffic barrel which he chucks at Umaga’s head. Thankfully Umaga has studied his stereotypes and kicks Jeff in the face for two. Good boy. Umaga misses a charge into an anvil case and Jeff finds a fire extinguisher….which he can’t get to work. Finally he gets a shot off and Youmanga is staggered.

 

They’re in the back now and head into a stairwell where Jeff slides down the railing like you would see a little kid do, ramming into Umaga for two. To be fair that’s something that actually was logical so I can’t fault him there. Out into the concourse with Umaga getting two after throwing Jeff into a garbage can. They go outside and it’s all Samoan fat man. Jeff is rammed into a backhoe or something like that for two.

 

Basically the idea here is Hardy gets thrown into random objects before he can find something to jump off. They fight up to the production truck and Hardy hammers away which actually works to an extent. It’s kind of weird seeing a blue sky like that behind them. They climb a truck with Shawn’s face on it and Jeff kicks him off before hitting a huge Swanton onto an unseen Umaga for the pin.

 

Rating: C. Just a hardcore match here which was designed to set up the big spot at the end and give Hardy a win. Nothing wrong with that but there was nothing particularly great here at all. Umaga was a guy that you can only do so much with and Jeff wasn’t the kind of guy that could do something like that, which isn’t his fault. Not bad, but nothing great at all.

 

From earlier today we see Foley giving us a preview of the stretcher match. By preview I mean he explains the rules and says the stretcher can be used as a weapon. I have absolutely no idea what the point to this was.

 

Shawne Merriman is here.

 

We kind of recap the Singapore Cane on a Pole match for a shot at Kane at the next PPV for the ECW Title. In short, Show has dominated all of the other four people in this.

 

Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Tommy Dreamer

 

Ok so there’s a pole with a cane on each corner and the winner gets Kane next month at Night of Champions. You win via pinfall. Punk is Mr. MITB again. Dreamer is in white tights here. That’s uh….different. Miz and Morrison are tag champions here as is their custom. I’m not even sure how many of these people are on ECW at this point. There’s the bell and while everyone jumps Show, Morrison tries to go up. This fails miserably and Show throws people around for a bit.

 

Punk finally gets in enough shots to get Show down. Chavo adds a frog splash and everyone goes up and gets a cane to beat Show down as well as they can, actually knocking him to the floor. Chavo accidentally hits Shawne Merriman with a cane so Punk slingshots Chavo onto the table. Merriman says let me hit him so Punk tosses him a cane for a good shot.

 

Show is back up and kills Morrison with a cane shot. Miz is here now and does just about as well. Show picks up the steps to crush Miz with but Morrison gets a shot in to save his buddy. Dreamer takes over in the ring and hits a pumphandle suplex with the cane to Morrison. We get a Texas Cloverleaf to Punk but Morrison makes the save. Show’s eye is cut.

 

Chavo reverses a superplex from Morrison so Punk tries one on him, only to allow Morrison to pop up and get a Tower of Doom, crushing Dreamer in the process. And here comes Show with blood around his eyes. Whoa whoa WHOA. There’s a freaking trashcan full of Singapore canes at ringside. THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE FREAKING POLES??? Show uses like 10 of them to destroy everyone and a chokeslam kills Dreamer. A big shot with the cane ends him and Show gets Kane at the next PPV which Mark Henry would also be added to.

 

Rating: D. I didn’t like this for a few reasons. It was just an excuse to fill in time before Show killed everyone which is understandable I guess. However, the trashcan of canes defeated the entire purpose of the poles. It wasn’t a good match in the first place as guys like Punk are made to look weak compared to Show, which is understandable but dude, what was the point of the poles? This didn’t work at all for me.

 

Vince’s One Million Dollar Giveaway starts tomorrow.

 

Todd Grisham talks to Vince and it’s not a stunt apparently. Also it’s called McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania. Simmons pops up after Vince says WWE employees aren’t eligible. No idea why he was there but whatever.

 

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

No recap for this one but these two feuded forever so there isn’t much of an explanation needed. It’s first blood here. This is the slimmed down JBL which is always kind of a weird look for him. JBL instantly takes off a turnbuckle as does Cena. They have big pads in there which is a new one on me. They slug it out to start with Bradshaw taking over early. Big boot misses and here comes Cena.

 

We’re on the floor inside 90 seconds and back in the ring inside 95 seconds. That was rather pointless but whatever. Fans way against Cena here. Cena gets thrown to the floor as the kids chant for him. Back in the ring and this is far more of a brawl than a match. JBL has a glove or tape or something on his right hand. Into the aisle and JBL rakes Cena’s face against the metal barrier (not the padded one).

 

Chair is brought in but JBL misses a chair shot to Cena’s head with it against the post. Instead Bradshaw settles for what I think was the mic and Cena is down. Yes it was the mic and back in the ring JBL adds some more shots with it. Cena fights back with his usual ending sequence but the FU is countered and both guys go down. A shot to the post doesn’t make Cena bleed so here are some steps.

 

Those miss also as JBL threw them for some reason. DDT onto the steps doesn’t work and JBL is down again. The padded end of the mic to JBL’s head amazingly doesn’t draw blood. Cena’s major was exercise physiology and not common sense so that makes sense I guess. Back in the ring Cena can’t hit a chair shot so JBL sends him into one of the exposed buckles for no blood.

 

Cena hits a bulldog onto the chair which doesn’t work. JBL goes over to his towel and finds a chain which goes into Cena’s ribs. FU out of nowhere puts JBL down which doesn’t really do anything other than slow him down. JBL slowly gets up and hits a big boot to tie Cena’s arms up in the ropes. His newest idea: a bullwhip. And never mind as Cena kicks him in the balls and puts on the STFU with the chain for the fastest bleeding from the mouth you will EVER see. Ending was awful, as was most of the match.

 

Rating: D+. I didn’t like this at all for the most part. The problem with first blood is that for the most part it’s a total of one move that means anything for the entire match. Also, this feud is straight up played out. They seem almost incapable of having a good match and this is just the latest example of it. Nothing to see here and way too long as it was 15 minutes of big move, no blood, big move, no blood etc. At least it ended here though.

 

Night of Champions is coming.

 

Orton suggests that he and Batista restart Evolution. Batista walks away.

 

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

 

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

 

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

 

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

 

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

 

Cena is with the doctor and Mickie comes in. They were doing a weird romance thing at the time and Mickie suggests trying some submissions later tonight. Adamle comes in to ruin it because that’s just what he does. He has friends he’s hanging out with later and suggests they go to Tijuana with them. Adamle gives Cena some of JBL’s energy drink and they suggest submissions they could try such as a rear naked choke or a head scissors. Ok then.

 

The fans think Shawn will win the stretcher match.

 

We recap Shawn vs. Batista which is a way too long and way too intricate story. At Backlash Shawn faked a knee injury (allegedly but they kept changing it from fake to real) to beat Batista. This led to Jericho getting in Shawn’s face which led to their feud down the road. Batista said he hoped it was real so Jericho called him out on it. Shawn said he was faking and then Jericho didn’t believe him. Batista is now all ticked off over it. This is somehow connected to Shawn retiring Flair which isn’t mentioned here at all but whatever.

 

Batista vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Stretcher match. Shawn charges at him and things go badly for HBK off that. Out to the floor and Batista drops Shawn onto the stretcher. Shawn sends him into the steps as we’re in the hardcore version of feeling out I guess. The fans seem to be completely behind Shawn here. Foley tries to convince us that Batista is all nervous because this is such a big match. I guess the third biggest match on One Night Stand pales in comparison to the main event of Wrestlemania?

 

Shawn rams the stretcher into Batista and puts the pad back on so he can do it again. Uh….ok? Batista tries to grab a Batista Bomb on the floor but Shawn counters into a guillotine choke. I don’t get why they keep trying to do the stretcher stuff at ringside. Couldn’t you push the stretcher past the finish line and then just put them on the stretcher to win? The choke lets them go up the aisle a bit but Big Dave fights him off to escape.

 

Batista works over the back now as we head back into the ring. Powerslam hits but Shawn avoids a spear to send Batista into the post. Foley is treating this match like it’s bigger and more brutal than the Cell. It’s a fighting match but at the same time, it’s not exactly you vs. HHH at the 2000 Rumble dude. Shawn gets the big elbow but his back is hurt. Sweet Chin Music is countered by a clothesline but Shawn counters the Bomb and hits the kick to send Batista through the ropes onto the stretcher.

 

Dave fights him off though and we’re still not ready to go towards the finish line. Batista takes a stretcher to the ribs but he blocks another attempt at it. They get in something resembling a tug of war over it and the stretcher goes into Shawn a few times to give Batista momentum again. Back into the ring because that’s where this is supposed to go right?

 

Foley again overdoes it by saying that it was all evil for Batista to use the stretcher as a weapon. Why is that evil again in a match with limited rules? Back in the ring it’s a spear and Batista Bomb to have Shawn more or less dead. Batista puts him on the stretcher and here’s Jericho to give Shawn a pep talk or something for no apparent reason. Batista just kind of sits back and watches and is like “yeah sure I’ll let one of the best ever get a breather when I had him dead.”

 

For no apparent reason Batista puts him back into the ring again and Shawn does the whole dramatic attempt to pull himself up using Batista. He shoves Batista away (more like slapping his chest) and lifts his leg into the ribs for what was supposed to be Sweet Chin Music. Batista just stands there as Shawn collapses. He actually says “I’m not sorry, I don’t love you” and another Batista Bomb looks to end it. Jericho stops it AGAIN and Shawn falls off the stretcher. Batista gets the steps and a spinebuster onto them is enough to finally end this.

 

Rating: C. I have no idea what they were going for here. At various times it felt like a soap opera, a revenge match, a weird Rocky style of match and a big brutal war. The problem is it never got very good at any of those things and the whole thing is pretty much a mess. It’s not awful I guess but I fail to see what the stretcher did or what Jericho did here. Very weird match indeed and really hard to say if it was good or bad.

 

We recap Orton vs. HHH. HHH got the title back at Backlash and this is the second rematch. Even the buildup package for this seems boring. This is their second last man standing match apparently.

 

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

 

The entrances take forever of course. Big match intros waste more time. There’s the bell and let’s stand around a little bit more. HHH sends him into the steps shoulder first. Back in and HHH hammers away even more. The shoulder is sent into the post twice as this has been 100% HHH domination so far.

 

Orton mostly hits the dropkick to take HHH down but Orton can’t follow up due to being beaten on for about three minutes in a row. HHH casually sends him to the floor and Orton can barely move. Over to the tables and it’s ECW instead of the Spanish one, namely due to there not being a Spanish one. Pedigree is blocked into an RKO attempt but HHH fights it off. Orton grabs the elevated DDT off the table to put HHH down for the first time.

 

We go really old school as Orton peels back the mats on the floor. HHH shoves the RKO attempt off and the shoulder goes into the post again. Back in a big shot to the back of HHH’s head gets seven and Orton brings in the steps. Here’s an extension cord as it’s time to choke the Game out. HHH gets up at 8 so Orton charges for the RKO. Orton gets thrown over the top rope and there goes his collarbone. He wouldn’t wrestle again for about 7 weeks.

 

HHH, ever the nice guy, keeps hammering away. Hey if he can take a Liontamer on a table then Orton can take this. HHH grabs the sledgehammer and pops Orton right in the head with it. Naturally that’s it and to be fair, this probably was supposed to be WAY longer if not for the injury. A 15 minute main event for Raw is a bit short to say the least. Not Orton or HHH’s fault mind you, just a fact.

 

Rating: C+. Match was just ok but like I said it was missing the last act which isn’t their fault. Orton and HHH can’t seem to have that classic for one reason or another and here it wasn’t because of the lack of chemistry. The problem is that with this being the second of three last man standing matches they’ve had, how interested can you really get into it? Nothing special here but not bad I guess.

 

Replays show that he landed right on the shoulder when he went over the top.

 

Night of Champions is still the next PPV. It’s not like Uprising or Bragging Rights or Vengeance or whatever it’s called at the moment.

 

Orton gets taken out minus a stretcher to applause. Oh yeah you can see how different the left side of his body looks compared to his right. It’s clearly a bad injury.

 

We recap Taker vs. Edge for the vacant title. Taker had to vacate the title because of using the Hell’s Gate so he and Edge had a match at Judgment Day which Taker won via countout. Since you can’t win that way, Vickie made this a TLC match for the title and if Taker loses he’s gone FOREVER.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

 

TLC match remember. Edge’s eyes during Taker’s entrance are awesome. Taker goes straight for him and Edge is in trouble to start. He pounds away as we’re just killing time before we go for the crazy stuff. Old School hits about 80 seconds in and a big boot puts Edge down. Here’s our first ladder but Edge hits a baseball slide into it to send it into Taker and back down to the floor.

 

Edge stacks up a pair of tables but Taker gets in a ladder shot to break that up. Cole points out the stupidity of Vickie saying that the title can only be won by pin or submission so she makes a match where you don’t win by pin or submission. Taker loads up two more tables so there are four in a two by two setup. Edge takes him down but can’t make the climb as Taker drills him off the ladder.

 

Snake Eyes into the ladder is countered and Edge this the floor again. This is a rather slow paced match so far but they have a ton of time so it’s not like they have to hurry or anything. Taker goes up but Edge makes the stop, sending Taker off the ladder and into another ladder that was laid across the buckle. Snake Eyes onto the ladder on the other corner is followed by a boot to the ladder to Edge in the corner.

 

Out to the floor and we get our first chair brought in. Isn’t it amazing that in a regular match a chair shot is enough to end anyone but here like 10 of them just slow people down? Taker tries his leg drop on the apron but Edge gets a chair up to block it. Last Ride to a ladder bridged between the ring and the barricade is blocked due to it would kill Edge. Chair to the head takes Taker down. Good thing Edge retired or he’d have a big penalty for that.

 

There’s another chair to the head and Taker is more or less done. Edge puts him on a table in front of the announce table and splashes Taker through it. That isn’t enough to keep Taker down so a spear in the ring sets up the ladder being crushed around Taker’s leg. Conchairto to the ladder to Taker’s knee. Edge brings in the required big ladder and bashes Taker’s head in two more times with a chair.

 

Edge, the (Dusty) Rhodes Scholar that he is, goes to the floor instead of climbing up the already set ladder. He wants a Conchairto but Taker gets a low blow to break it up. Chokeslam to the ladder bridge half kills Edge but Hawkins and Ryder come out to stop Taker from getting the title. They set up a double table spot, as in Taker is on a table and they put one on top of that. Taker fights out of it though and sends Hawkins off the top with a chokeslam to the floor. Ryder takes the same but Edge is back up now.

 

A spear sends Taker to the barrier and Edge….puts another table on top of the one Taker was on a second ago before he goes up. Why in the world would he do that? Taker makes the stop though and it’s a Last Ride for Edge through the two tables in the corner. The tables slowed it WAY down though. So that’s why Edge did it: because the spot they had planned called for it. So noted.

 

Taker goes up again but Bam Neeley (remember him?) and Chavo come out this time. They stomp away but can’t hit a Conchairto. It’s a chair shot to the head for each of them so Taker moves the ladder a few feet over because when it was under the belt it wasn’t in the proper position for the big spot of the match. Taker goes up, so far away from the belt that he couldn’t reach it with a three foot pole. Edge shoves the ladder over and Taker goes through the four tables. He climbs up and Edge is champion while Taker is “retired”.

 

Rating: B. Well this was good but when the two major spots of the match were THAT stupid looking it brings this down a few notches. Taker would of course be back in like two months at the longest as he took the title from Edge in the Cell at Summerslam. Either way, not too shabby here but TLC has been done far better than this before. Taker was game though, which helped a lot.

 

Taker gets the big slow walk to the back to a standing ovation.

 

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but at the same time there was just no real point to a lot of this being gimmicked. Some of the stuff was good but dude, did ANYONE believe that Taker would be gone after a match at One Night Stand, a B/C level show? Not a terrible show, but there was no real need for both this show and Judgment Day. Combine those shows and it’s much, much stronger.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As we approach Wrestlemania, it’s pretty clear that the show is going to have at least two major matches that we’ve seen in the last year: Rock vs. Cena II and Lesnar vs. HHH II.  This brings up a few interesting questions.Now first of all, it’s hardly like this is without precedence.  Hogan and Andre had two matches at Mania in back to back years and you could easily argue that there is one flowing story from Mania III to Mania V (Hogan vs. Andre which transitioned to Hogan vs. Savage).  In the last few years though, there have been feuds that have spread over multiple Wrestlemanias.  The Undertaker vs. DX spread over four shows and now Rock vs. Cena is spreading over three.  This brings me to the main question:

 

Do you like these feuds and stories that spread over multiple Wrestlemanias?  The matches are almost guaranteed to be good as only major stars are used in these things, but would you prefer to see them be one off matches rather than spreading out over years?

 

The more I think about it, the more I think I like these stretched out stories.  The Undertaker matches have stolen the show the last four years and it’s pretty clear that Rock vs. Cena II will be awesome as well.  Also it’s not like they do this for multiple stories a year every year so it’s hardly something dominating the shows.

I like the title if nothing else.

Disc 1
A Happy Story
Idyllic Childhood
Huge Fan
Training School
Working the Road
WCW
Sting
Vader
ECW & Japan
Mankind
Dude Love
Hell in a Cell
Mr. Socko
The Rock
Author
Triple H
Commissioner
Going Away
Randy Orton
Making a Difference
Edge
Retirement
Stand Up Comic
A Complete One-Off
Disc 2
Jack Foley / Les Thornton vs. The British Bulldogs
Superstars September 1986
Alternate Commentary: Mick Foley & Joey Styles

Cactus Jack / Gary Young vs. Scott Steiner / Billy Travis
AWA All Star Wrestling October 1988

Cactus Jack Manson vs. Brickhouse Brown
Wild West Wrestling April 1989

Cactus Jack vs. Keith Hart
Power Hour March 1990
Submit or Surrender Match

Cactus Jack vs. Sting
Power Hour November 1991

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Cactus Jack vs. Van Hammer
Clash of the Champions XVIII 21st January, 1992

Barbed Wire Match
Cactus Jack vs. Sandman
Ft. Lauderdale, FL May 1995

Cactus Jack vs. Shane Douglas
CyberSlam February 1996
Alternate Commentary: Mick Foley & Joey Styles

Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia
IYH: Cold Day in Hell 11th May, 1997

Mankind vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
IYH: Canadian Stampede 6th July, 1997
 
Disc 3
Dude Love vs. Rocky Maivia
RAW 17th November, 1997

Hell in a Cell
Mankind vs. Undertaker King of the Ring 28th June, 1998
Alternate Commentary: Mick Foley & Joey Styles

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Mankind / Kane vs. New Age Outlaws
RAW 13th July, 1998

WWE Championship Match
Mankind vs. The Rock
IYH: Rock Bottom 13th December, 1998

WWE Tag Team Championship
Mankind / The Rock vs. Triple H / Shane McMahon
SmackDown 2nd September, 1999

Mankind vs. Al Snow
SmackDown 16th December, 1999

Hell In A Cell – Retirement Match
Cactus Jack vs. Triple H
No Way Out 27th February, 2000
 
Blu-ray Exclusives
Promos:

Sting’s Birthday Cake
WCW World Championship Wrestling 5th October, 1991

No Ear Surgery
WCW Saturday Night 10th September, 1994

Barbie
RAW 5th April, 2004

Cutting Edge
SmackDown 1st August, 2008

Relevancy with CM Punk
RAW 24th September, 2012

Stories:
Frank Foley
Snowed In
DeNucci Training School
Arrested in Italy?
Cactus Jack – The Name
Africa
Birth of Bang Bang
Losing Teeth
On the Spot
Wanted T-Shirt
Smoking Flight?
Anti-Hardcore ECW
Farewell in ECW
Vicious Suplex
Kevin Sullivan – Mentor
Rock ‘n Sock Jacket
Disneyland
Loogie Heard ‘Round the World
Commentator
Mr. Socko vs. The Cobra
Comedy Show
Favourite Mick Foley Persona
Sheamus Meets Mick
Christmas Cheer
Wardrobe
Thrifty Mick

Other than the Taker Cell match I don’t see any repeats unless the other Cell match is available somewhere.

Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antoino, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re back in Texas here and the main question is which Texas guy is winning the Rumble. The main change from last year is that ECW is around now and get to have seven guys in the Rumble because their roster isn’t deep enough to support ten. Other than that we’ve got Cena vs. Umaga in a last man standing match and Batista vs. Kennedy because Kennedy gets a lot of title shots. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th Rumble so you know the theme of the opening video already. The other matches get a little hype as well but the Rumble dominates, as it should.

MNM vs. Hardys

Mercury had his face shattered at Armageddon in a ladder match and tonight is about revenge. Jeff is IC Champion here and Matt was given a Snapshot (MNM’s elevated DDT finisher) on the exposed concrete recently. Matt and Nitro start things off but it’s quickly off to Mercury. He goes for Matt’s dislocated jaw but lets Nitro back in for some shots to the ribs. Matt comes back with punches of his own to slow Mercury down in the corner.

Jeff comes in and speeds things up before hitting an atomic drop and legdrop to split the legs of Nitro. Back to Matt who is rubbing his face a lot. A neckbreaker gets two on Nitro but he comes back with a shot to Matt’s jaw to take him right back down. Mercury comes in and slugs away as Matt is playing Ricky Morton for a bit. Back to Nitro for some choking on the ropes and it’s already back to Joey.

Melina does that ear piercing scream of hers and Mercury goes after Matt’s jaw again. Off to a chinlock followed by a hair pull to send Matt to the mat again. Mercury goes to the middle rope but misses an elbow, allowing for the tags to Jeff and Nitro. The sitout gordbuster gets two as everything breaks down. A double suplex puts Nitro down and the Hardys go up for a legdrop from Matt and a splash from Jeff, but the latter hits knees on the way down.

Mercury comes in off the tag and gets two off a knee to the ribs. Nitro does exactly the same before sticking on the ribs for a bit more. Jeff grabs a quick rollup on the incoming Mercury but Joey goes right back to the ribs. Nitro comes in and does the same as MNM continues to keep tagging in and out very quickly. We hit a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Jeff fights out pretty quickly. He still can’t make the tag but finally backdrops Nitro down and makes the tag….which isn’t seen. I love that spot.

Jeff hits a mule kick to take Mercury down and FINALLY makes the hot tag to Matt. Things speed up a lot and Matt fires off elbows to everyone named M or N. A combination bulldog and clothesline takes MNM down for two followed by the yodeling elbow to the back of Nitro’s head. There’s Poetry in Motion to Mercury but one to Nitro misses, as Johnny grabs an Oklahoma Roll for two on Matt. The Side Effect puts Nitro down but Mercury spears Matt to the floor. As he went through the ropes though, Jeff made a blind tag and hits the Swanton on Nitro for the pin.

Rating: B. This took a long time to get going but it was building up to a nice finish. This was old school tag team stuff and that’s hard to screw up. MNM was getting a good rub off the Hardys who were as much of a nostalgia act as you could have at this point. Good stuff here and a hot opener, at least after the tag to Matt.

Coach and Teddy talk trash about brand dominance. Edge comes in to draw and runs into Kelly Kelly, who is an exhibitionist. Edge’s condescending talking to Kelly is hilarious stuff. Orton comes in to draw and threatens to throw his tag title partner out if need be. Edge: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Booker walks in and comedy ensues.

Wrestlemania promo. I liked that All Grown Up campaign.

ECW Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Lashley won the title in December and Test is the warm body that he gets to crush in his first major defense. There’s a video package for this which is basically both guys beating up RVD to show how awesome they are. Test powers Lashley back into the corner so the champion comes out with a spear to take over again. Now Test tries to choke, so Lashley suplexes him down. Nice to see them sticking with the same formula. A delayed vertical suplex puts Test on the floor and the champion follows him.

Test sends Lashley into the barricade to take over and we head back in for a chinlock. He shifts into an armbar and hits a Stunner onto the arm for two. Lashley fights out of trouble and backdrops Test before hitting a three point stands shoulder in the corner. He tries a slam but the arm gives out, allowing Test to fire his one big weapon, the big boot, but it only gets two. Lashley pops up with a clothesline to send Test to the floor….and he walks out for the countout.

Rating: D. They needed to protect TEST? Seriously? Lashley doesn’t get to pin TEST clean? The match was dull stuff in the first place before a stupid ending like that. Lashley did what he could out there but Test was as much of a worthless musclehead as you could possibly ask for at this point.

Lashley pulls Test back in and beats him up, which makes you wonder WHY DID THEY NOT DO THIS BEFORE???

Cena gets his broken ribs looked at when Vince comes in to see if Cena wants to forfeit. Vince says he can’t see (get it?) Cena as champion after tonight….and that’s it. I don’t remember them having an issue at this point but whatever.

We recap Mr. Kennedy (Anderson) vs. Batista, which is just Kennedy winning a Beat the Clock challenge and having a great record against former world champions.

Smackdown World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

Kennedy slaps Batista to start and takes over as he tries to tie Batista up. Batista slugs him down and gets two off a suplex and we head outside. Kennedy spears/shoves Batista into the steps, injuring Batista’s knee in the process. We get into a regular “hurt the big man’s knee” match which is the smartest thing they could do here. A reverse Figure Four has Batista in trouble but Kennedy gets caught holding the rope.

A running kick to Batista’s face in the corner has the champion in trouble again and a knee to the head gets two. Off to a half crab for a minute or so before Batista fights up and hits a spinebuster to put both guys down. Kennedy kicks him in the face but Batista Hulks Up. There’s a weak slam as the knee is giving out on the champion.

Batista hits a Regal Roll (Kennedy used that a lot) of all things but Kennedy hits the knee to break up the Batista Bomb. The referee gets bumped so there’s no one to count after Kennedy’s neckbreaker. A DDT gets two and JBL is LOSING IT. The fans chant for Kennedy as he goes to the middle rope, only to jump into a clothesline followed by a Batista Bomb to retain the title.

Rating: D+. The psychology was there from Kennedy but Batista didn’t really go along with it. I’m not saying he didn’t sell, but at the end of the day this was only eleven minutes long which isn’t enough time to tell the story they were going for. Also Kennedy didn’t have the Mic Check yet so he didn’t have anything to finish Batista with and everyone knew it. Not a bad match but they needed more than they had here.

Kevin Thorn draws his number. He and Ariel leave and Hornswoggle comes in to terrorize the tumbler. Apparently he’s in the Rumble too and attacks Coach for good measure. Khali comes in and scares Horny off. Kelly makes a stupid joke about holding balls, drawing in Ron Simmons for his usual line.

The Marine is on DVD.

Wrestlemania is coming and Saliva, the band that does the theme song, is in the front row.

We recap Cena vs. Umaga. Cena escaped the last PPV with the title and gave Umaga his first loss so tonight it’s last man standing. Cena is coming into this with bad ribs.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Cena is defending and this is last man standing. Cena pounds away to start but Umaga barely moves. Umaga gets in a shot to the ribs and Cena falls to the outside, clutching his ribs. The champ gets sent into the steps and it’s all Umaga in the early going. They slug it out in the aisle and all of a sudden Cena’s punches work better. He tries to ram Umaga face first into the apron but Umaga screams and hits Cena in the ribs again.

Back in and Cena is in even more trouble with Umaga pounding on the ribs. A clothesline puts Cena down and Umaga brings in the steps. Cena knocks him off the apron though and throws the steps down onto Umaga’s (hands covering) head. It looked a lot better when Kane did it because you couldn’t see the hands but whatever. That draws a six count but more importantly it allows Cena to get a breather.

Umaga superkicks Cena down and it’s off to a bearhug. Since there are no submissions, Umaga lets Cena go and brings in some more steps. The steps are set up in the corner but Cena avoids the running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA AND NOT RIKISHI!!! SCREW YOU WWE ANNOUNCERS!!!) and blasts Umaga in the head with the steps. That only gets seven so Cena goes up and jumps into a spinning Rock Bottom, drawing some loud screams from the champ.

The Samoan cannonballs down onto Cena’s ribs but Cena finally knees him in the crotch to slow Umaga down. The Protobomb sends Umaga onto the steps but only gets about five as Cena hits the Shuffle to break the count. Cena tries the FU but Umaga’s weight causes Cena to fall face first into the steps. John is busted open so the fans tell him that he sucks. Ignore the fact that almost no one else could get a match this good out of Umaga I guess.

Cena gets up at eight and gets punched in the face some more, only to start Hulking Up. He pounds away on Umaga but walks into a Samoan Drop, driving the ribs and Cena’s shoulder into the mat. The Samoan Spike is blocked (for the life of me I do not get why they picked a thumb to the neck for Umaga’s finisher. The guy is a MONSTER and he pokes you in the neck?) so Umaga headbutts Cena down instead.

Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe but Cena sits up in the corner to avoid a running headbutt. The top rope Fameasser takes Umaga down and Cena sends him shoulder first into the post. They head to the floor and Cena is covered in blood. With Umaga still laying over the ropes, Cena BLASTS HIM with a monitor to the head to put him down. Back to the floor but Umaga catches a diving Cena and drives him back first into the post.

Umaga puts Cena on the announce table and runs along the other tables, only to miss a splash and crash onto the ground. That gets nine and Cena has no idea what to do next. Estrada, Umaga’s manager, unhooks the top rope and tells Umaga to use the metal pole to blast Cena in the head. Cena catches a charging Umaga with the FU and hits him in the head with the pole. He hooks a kind of STF with the ring rope and Umaga is passing out. Umaga starts fighting up so Cena chokes him even more. FINALLY Umaga is out and Cena retains the title.

Rating: B+. This was a FIGHT which is what a last man standing match is supposed to do. I was digging the story they were telling here with Cena fighting a savage but having to become a savage himself to beat him. The fans didn’t like him at this point, but screw them as would you really rather have Umaga as champion? This was one of many awesome matches Cena had in this stretch, but OH NO kids like him so he must suck right? Give me a break.

Sandman draws his number and has a beer. Flair comes in to draw and gets hit on by Kelly. We get adult music and Extreme Expose comes in to dance with Flair, complete with club lighting. Not that I’m complaining about Layla, Brooke (Tessmacher) and Kelly dancing in barely there outfits, but WHY DID THAT HAPPEN???

Rumble video. Not much else to say here as I’m sure you get the idea by now. This is more of a history package than a hype video for this year. The theme of this year is how star studded it is. Seven guys are from ECW so I question this premise.

Royal Rumble

Flair is #1 (second time for that along with drawing #3 one year. He really doesn’t have a great record in these things) and Finlay is #2. Finlay drops Flair with a quick shoulder and we have ninety second intervals here. Flair chops away in the corner but gets backdropped down for his efforts. Kenny Dykstra of Spirit Squad fame and currently in a small feud with Flair is #3. Flair chops away at him in the corner and Finlay tries to dump Kenny.

Everyone hits everyone for awhile until Matt Hardy is #4. That’s a pretty diverse group of guys to start things off. The young and old guys pair off with Finlay and Kenny taking over. Matt takes over on Finlay and Edge is #5. Hardy avoids a spear and hits a Twist of Fate but gets taken down with a double clothesline with Kenny. Ric throws in a chair but Edge easily throws him out instead. Kenny tries to take credit despite doing nothing, so Edge throws him out too.

Tommy Dreamer is #6 and takes down Edge of all people before getting beaten up in the corner by Finlay. Sabu is #7 and actually doesn’t bring any weapons with him. Instead he finds a table under the ring and sets it up at ringside before going in to fight Dreamer. Nothing of note happens for now so here’s Gregory Helms at #8. Finlay is sent to the apron but he hangs onto the bottom rope.

The Irishman almost sends Sabu through the table but Sabu hangs on. Now Helms teases going through it but saves himself as well. Shelton Benjamin is #9 and goes for Hardy. Benjamin and Finlay both nearly go out but somehow both survive. They’ve teased that table being broken about five times already. Kane is #10 and immediately pounds away on everyone. There’s a chokeslam to Edge and an elimination for Dreamer and Sabu, the latter being chokeslammed through the table. Law of wrestling #1: you set up the table, you’re going through it.

CM Punk is #11 and is immediately called boring by JBL for not smoking and drinking. Finlay sends CM to the apron but can’t get him out. There’s the running knee to Edge’s head in the corner from Punk but again he can’t get an elimination. King Booker is #12 and dumps Helms pretty quickly. We’ve currently got Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Shelton, Kane, Booker and Punk.

Super Crazy is #13 and is knocked down by Kane before he can do much else. JBL mentions that Mil Mascaras owes him money, which he said on Raw a few months ago. I wonder if there’s something to that. Booker and Finlay go at it until Jeff Hardy is #14. The Hardys team up on Finlay (smart) before shifting over to Edge. Now they go after Kane for some reason and hit Poetry in Motion. Sandman is #15 and is gone in as many seconds thanks to Booker.

Jeff skins the cat to save himself and Orton is #16. Hopefully he and Edge (tag champions) can clear things out a bit. Yep there goes Super Crazy and Matt takes the backbreaker. Rated-RKO throws out both Hardys and things are a lot clearer now. Benoit is #17 and fires away chops at everyone. Finlay takes a German as Punk is teetering on the apron. Now Benjamin takes a German and RVD is #18.

Van Dam fires off kicks all around and Kane throws Booker out. Booker, ever the jerk, goes back in and throws out Kane. He beats on the Big Bald on the floor which didn’t set up a Mania match surprisingly enough. Viscera is #19 as things slow down a bit. We’ve got Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam and Viscera in there at the moment. Nitro is #20 and things are getting too full again.

Punk gets crushed in the corner by Viscera for awhile and Shelton hangs on by inches. That was impressive. Kevin Thorn is #21 and no one is really doing anything at the moment. Hardcore Holly is #22 and that’s not going to pick anything up. A bunch of guys go after Viscera and Shawn is #23. He’s in DX mode and you know he’s the hometown boy here. Shawn hits a Thesz Press on Finlay and clotheslines him out before superkicking Viscera, allowing a huge group of guys to dump him.

Shelton is gone at Shawn’s hands too. The ring is FINALLY cleared out a bit now until Masters is #24. Nitro goes up top like a schmuck and gets dumped by Benoit. Chavo Guerrero is #25 and Benoit dumps Thorn in the same fashion that he dumped Big Show in 04. Van Dam goes up, can’t find anyone to kick, and hops back down. MVP is #26 as Orton tries to dump Punk.

Nothing happens AGAIN until Carlito is #27. There are way too many people in the ring again. Shawn is sent to the apron but you know he’s not going out yet. Great Khali is #28 and swings his arms a lot on the way to the ring. The match stops as Khali gets in and he beats everyone down. Khali dumps Holly as Miz is #29. He lasts a good seven seconds and there’s only one man left. Van Dam is thrown out as are Punk and Carlito. Chavo gets dumped as well and Shawn gets chokebombed. Things look hopeless but heeeeeeeeeeere’s Taker at #30.

This gives us a final group of Edge, Orton, Michaels, MVP, Khali and Taker. Taker and Khali slug it out with everyone else down. The Dead Man finally puts Khali out with a clothesline and everyone else gets beaten down as well. MVP is eliminated and tries to get a chair but Orton takes it away and cracks Taker in the head with it. Edge tries to spear Orton down but gets scared off by the chair. Instead of going after Edge though, Orton hits the RKO on Shawn to send him down to the floor but not out.

Rated-RKO goes after Taker and we’re in a handicap match at this point. Taker fights back but can’t hit a double chokeslam. He can however hit a double clothesline while being busted open. Snake Eyes and the big boot drop Edge but as Taker goes to chokeslam Orton, Edge spears Taker down. A BIG chair shot to the head drops Taker again and it’s Conchairto time. Shawn comes back in and backdrops Orton out before superkicking Edge out to get us down to two.

The fans are WAY into this all of a sudden as Taker sits up. He looks over at Shawn and there’s the nipup. The showdown is on and Shawn pounds away in the corner to no avail. Shawn kicks the chair to the floor and gets launched into the corner so Taker can pound away even more. Shawn is knocked upside down in the corner but punches his way to safety. Shawn does a Flair Flip to the apron but Taker misses a big boot, sending HIM to the apron as well. Shawn charges into an elbow and both guys are back in.

A neckbreaker puts Taker down but Shawn can’t follow up. They slug it out and Taker kicks Shawn’s head off to take over again. Taker lifts him for a suplex and wisely puts him on the apron instead of down onto the mat. Shawn fights back and goes up, only to get crotched. Taker loads up a superplex but gets knocked down so Shawn can hit the flying elbow. Chin Music is caught and there’s a chokeslam but Taker can’t follow up. The tombstone is countered into a superkick and both guys are down again. Taker catches another superkick and dumps Shawn to the floor, nearly silencing the fans in the process.

Rating: C+. The ending stuff starting with Khali cleaning house until Taker dumps Shawn out is GREAT, but until then it’s pretty dull with way too much laying around and too many people in there. The ending here is pretty questionable too as Shawn is in his hometown and would wind up being in the actual main event of Mania anyway. Taker would beat Batista for the Smackdown Title, which makes you wonder why they didn’t have Shawn win for the big hometown win here, as the results literally would have been THE EXACT SAME THING. Not a great Rumble at all but the ending helps it a lot.

Overall Rating: C+. There are two long matches here and both of them are solid enough so I can’t complain much here. The stuff that is good is good and the stuff that is bad is bad, so while it’s not terrible, this definitely isn’t a must see show. Shawn and Taker are of course great together and would have some masterpieces at Mania in the coming years, but they couldn’t make this a great show on their own.

Ratings Comparison

Hardys vs. MNM

Original: B-

Redo: B

Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Original: D-

Redo: D

Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

Original: B-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. Umaga

Original: C

Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: C+

Man I REALLY liked that ending last time. I have no idea what I was thinking on the world title matches though.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/26/royal-rumble-count-up-2007-the-best-spot-finally-wins/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

No Way Out 2006
Date: February 19, 2006
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a show that is talked about a lot for one specific match but it’s really a two match show. The main event here is Angle vs. Taker for the title in what is one of the first real influences of MMA on this as more or less this is a striking vs. submission match and is considered an excellent match by almost everyone I’ve heard talk about it. I’ve never seen it all the way through though.

The other match here is Orton vs. Rey as Eddie’s push continues despite being, you know, dead. Eddie won the Royal Rumble so tonight we have Rey vs. Orton for Eddie’s Mania match. Orton had gone insane with his heel level, saying Eddie was burning. This is the match for Eddie’s Mania match. Other than that the show looks bad. Let’s get to it.

And since I can’t make a joke on here without some moron calling me out on this, yes, I know Rey won the Rumble and eventually the title at Mania. I say it was Eddie doing it because the vast majority of his angle and push was there because of Eddie and his death.

The opening video is all about those four guys, which makes sense as that’s all that this show meant at all.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. Kid Kash vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Psicosis vs. Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Super Crazy

Yeah it’s a 9 way match. Helms is champion and ran his mouth so this is his punishment. The intros take nearly five minutes. Thankfully some guys come out together. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish. Who wants to bet that Helms escapes with the title? He won it last month so yeah I’m thinking he’s keeping it. Helms hides on the floor while the other eight guys pound on each other.

The Mexicools hits stereo planchas to take out London and Kendrick. Helms finally gets in and they all jump him as he more or less said he was better than all of them. Obviously I can’t go through every spot and type it up here as it’s a huge mess the whole way through. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s just wasting time until we get to the ending sequence.

Helms and Kash go at it for a bit which gets us nowhere. Helms is sent to the floor as this continues to be six or seven guys lay down while two or three do stuff. Kash gets a sweet rana to take down Psicosis on the floor. Londrick takes out Nunzio and Funaki and then do it again off the top to those same two plus Scotty. Helms misses the Shining Wizard and Crazy gets a big spin kick for two.

London hits Helms with a senton back splash that crushes Helms’ face. London gets kicked in the face by Scotty who then has to do the Worm on Helms. The long wait allows Psicosis to break it up. That should teach Scotty but it won’t of course because he’s a stupid man. Dead Level (brainbuster, but looks like a suplex here) from Kash hits Psicosis but Crazy hits a moonsault out of nowhere. Helms steals the pin to retain. Wow how shocked I am at that.

Rating: C-. Total meh match here. These multi-man matches are supposed to be insane and all that jazz and for the most part they are, but dude, NINE PEOPLE? There’s no way to follow is and it’s the living definition of a match with no flow because you can’t have any. It was ok, but WAY too many people out there which brought it down a lot.

Booker and Sharmell say Booker is injured and can’t defend his US Title tonight. Teddy doesn’t believe him. Since he’s got a midcard title, he’s facing Benoit which he did about 100 times. Sharmell begs to keep Booker out of the ring as does Booker. Teddy doesn’t care and the match is still on. Total waste of time.

Some overly perky chick that I don’t know wants to talk about Mania but Finlay cuts her off. He doesn’t have a fight tonight so he’s going to pick one. He picks up the chick and apparently she’s Krystal. That’s Lashley’s wife I believe. He comes out to the ring with her over his shoulder.

Yep here’s the Boss to save her and beat the crap out of Finlay for like two seconds. No mention of the marriage/girlfriend thing. Lashley has a match with JBL coming up so cue up that bell!

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Bobby Lashley

Bradshaw sprints to the ring to beat up Lashley as Finlay bails and we start the match. He rams Lashley’s head into the buckle and Bobby shakes it off. JBL: “Oh dang it!” That was funny. Lashley is more or less brand new here so he’s the undefeated monster at this point. Jillian is JBL’s image consultant so she’s out there with him. Lashley gets a belly to belly overhead on the floor and JBL is in trouble.

You can tell JBL is more or less carrying this as Lashley just does power stuff. Loud JBL SUCKS chant. He actually manages to hit a top rope elbow for two. It looked horrible but imagine him going to the top and dropping an elbow. That’s pretty impressive. Lashley has had very little offense this whole match. They slug it out and Lashley manages to take over a bit.

Lashley gets caught in a sleeper though as the crowd falls asleep along with them. It’s weird to see that JBL towers over him for some reason. Not really sure why but it just kind of is. JBL goes up again and gets caught in a powerslam. That looked cool for some reason. Lashley busts out three straight belly to bellies. Ok make that four. That’s borderline Scott Steiner territory and that’s not a good thing.

Clothesline From JBL misses and Lashley gets two off a t-bone suplex. Finlay comes out and throws Tony Chimmel into the ring. With the distraction he gets the shillelagh into Lashley’s throat and the Clothesline From JBL ends this. Yes, a main event jobber is the guy to break the winning streak. Well sure why not.

Rating: D. The match was boring, the booking was stupid and the ending was bogus. Seriously, why should JBL, a year removed from being world champion and on the verge of becoming an announcer, get to beat Lashley for the first time? They couldn’t set up Lashley vs. Finlay later? This made my head hurt and the match was pretty boring on top of that. Just bad stuff.

JBL’s eye was busted open and it might be legit as I don’t remember him getting anything worthy of having it busted. Oh yeah that’s real.

They show Lashley leaving as I guess we’re supposed to be all caring here?

Ad for the Bret DVD, which is well worth seeing.

Big Time Mania ad. Big Time was the ad campaign that year and it sucked.

Chimmel brings out Batista who is out with an injury. He had to forfeit the title which Angle won in a battle royal. He says he’s going to keep this short and that he’s here for three reasons. Number one is he wants to see Angle vs. Taker. Second is he misses the fans and the audience. The third reason is his arm isn’t torn anymore. He wouldn’t be back until July so maybe it was a bit worse than he thought.

Orton is talking to Angle and says that he’ll be champion when Batista gets back. Angle doesn’t respect him apparently. Kurt more or less blows him off.

We see Josh with JBL at the interview area online and he has glasses and long hair. Weird.

MNM vs. Matt Hardy/???

This is an open challenge. MNM is Mercury, Nitro and Melina. Nitro is more famous as Morrison now. Matt took them up on it but we don’t know who the partner is. MNM are the Smackdown tag champions here so of course this is non-title. Here’s Matt, and here’s his partner.

MNM vs. Matt Hardy/Tatanka

This is like an indy show nightmare. Tatanka is in a non-title tag team match with Matt Hardy on PPV in 2006. WHAT THE HECK? Zero reaction as you probably would have guessed. Tatanka came back at the Rumble and would eventually turn heel and start a feud with Lashley before leaving before they had any contact. Hardy and Mercury start us off here.

Somehow Matt is the big star here. Off to Tatanka and Mercury is in trouble. Sweet goodness this is uninteresting beyond belief. Tazz: who’s going to challenge MNM. Cole: Matt Hardy and Tatanka? Point for Cole. Melina gets in Hardy’s face and slaps the heck  out of him. Tatanka comes in to chop a lot. Melina rakes his eyes and MNM takes over again. Sweet merciful crap this is boring.

The heels double team Tatanka as I want to find a bag to put over my head to avoid having to watch this. Suffocation is sounding good right now. You can hear Hardy calling Tatanka Chris which probably isn’t the best thing in the world to hear. Tatanka catches Mercury coming off the top in an atomic drop but Nitro comes in to keep the tag from happening. And that completely fails as Matt comes in a few seconds later.

Matt cleans house as this is still completely uninteresting. Twist of Fate is blocked and Nitro gets a superkick to Hardy. Both members of MNM have been in the ring for like a minute and Tatanka doesn’t seem to mind his partner doing double duty. Back to Tatanka and we get stereo Twist of Fate and Papoose To Go to end this. Was there ANY point to this at all?

Rating: D. It was boring, it wasn’t interesting, and Tatanka was the best they could come up with? Was Shannon Moore not available? Somehow he would have been a better choice. This was just awful as the fans didn’t care and this went nowhere at all. I can’t even say it was short as it went over ten minutes. Bad match.

The first hour and 15 minutes of this have absolutely sucked if you didn’t get that.

Another Mania ad.

We recap the US Title match. Booker was champion and Benoit got a best of seven series (which they did in WCW for the TV Title) for the title. Booker was hurt for the majority of it though so Benoit kept fighting Orton as a substitute. Orton won the series to keep the title on Booker. I never got what Orton got out of it. Benoit beat Finlay to get another shot then had to win another fatal fourway with JBL, Hardy and Jordan to finally get the shot. Ok so apparently the title was vacant and the series decided it. Makes a bit more sense.

US Title: Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match we waste more time as Booker says there’s no title match tonight and wants Teddy out here. Apparently he still isn’t healthy. Booker says he’s going to forfeit the title and Benoit gets it. What the heck? He leaves and Benoit grabs a mic shouting COWARD. Sharmell gets in his face and slaps him then does it again. Make that three. Booker runs in to blast him and it’s on. What happened to the forfeit? Is Benoit champion at the moment?

Benoit takes it to the floor and is all over him. Booker of course was faking the injury if you didn’t get that. If Cole can point out the obvious then so can I. Benoit chops the living tar out of him and blocks a cheating rollup to hammer away some more. Baseball slide sends Booker to the floor and he’s getting destroyed here. Booker claims he’s hurt again and tells the referee he needs to end this.

Naturally he’s faking again and Benoit eats steps. Booker gets kind of a superkick in the ring which hits Benoit in the chest for two. I’m trying very hard not to make Benoit jokes here and I’m losing my restraint abilities. Booker hooks a full nelson which gets him a grand total of nowhere and here come the Germans. Crossface doesn’t work and Booker gets a spin kick for two.

Booker and Benoit used to be best friends apparently. Why don’t I remember that at all? Probably because they’ve always been rivals but why care about things like history? Booker gets a long chinlock which gets him more or less nowhere. They chop it out which of course Benoit wins. Axe kick misses and here comes more Wolverine.

Benoit busts out Three Amigos to a nice reaction. Another big kick takes Benoit down. Booker is going down right Asian stereotype tonight. Benoit stops something from the top from Booker and chops away. Big old superplex follows some headbutts for two. Houston Hangover misses which is a move I’ve always liked. Rolling Germans hit Booker and he’s in big trouble. Cole keeps calling the Hangover a front flip and it’s getting on my nerves.

Benoit goes for the headbutt but just like he did to Booker it’s blocked. Axe kick gets two. Is there a white person that does that move? Booker does his rolling sunset flip out of the corner but gets countered into the Sharpshooter. Sharmell gets up so the hold doesn’t last long. Benoit gets it again and then lets it go to grab the Crossface to of course end it. Long match at nearly twenty minutes.

Rating: B. It’s Chris Benoit vs. Booker T. Did you expect a bad match here? This worked very well as you would expect it to with both guys working hard out there and the results coming out well. As I’ve said, a lot of the time a cure for the problems a company has is to just go out and have a good wrestling match. That’s what they did here and it’s got me wanting to watch more of the show. Can’t ask for more than that.

The fans tell Booker he tapped out. I think he knows that.

Rey and Benoit celebrate in the back. So does Teddy. And Matt. Lashley. And Scotty. And all of the roster. Dude, it’s the US Title. He didn’t get this kind of reception when he won the world title. And here’s Chavo and Vickie and Rey. Well of course it’s about Eddie. Have I mentioned I FREAKING HATE THESE REFERENCES??? Vickie is skinny here.

We recap Orton vs. Rey. Eddie dies so Rey got the push of a lifetime because of it. He came into the Rumble at #2 and won the thing, giving him the title shot. Orton got all ticked off at going out last and said that Eddie is burning. This led to Rey getting ticked off and putting up his title shot here tonight. Orton was evil here and since I was fed up beyond all belief with talking about Eddie I loved Orton here.

Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton

Winner goes to Mania for the world title shot. Orton is all chiseled here and the Legend Killer and not like orange. The fans chant for Eddie. Well he’s right there in the ring in the mask so it’s not like it’s going to take long to get him here. Orton overpowers him to start. It’s weird saying that as Orton is far from a power guy. Rey starts with regular stuff which doesn’t work that well. Ah there’s the speed and it of course works better.

Orton shouts to the crowd that he doesn’t need their help. He’s freaking evil looking and was awesome at this point. Orton takes over and pounds away with basic stuff. It’s so weird to see him using generic power moves rather than his usual stuff. Cole calls Orton a jerk. That’s so amusing now. Orton gets two on an Irish Whip. Who does he think he is, Billy Watson?

He follows that us with the Eddie chest slap which gets huge heat. Orton is as tall as Rey is when he’s on his knees. Rey kicks his head off and sends Orton to the floor though and the momentum doesn’t change though as Orton catches a rana in a powerbomb position and swings Rey’s body into the post like Jason did to that chick in Friday the 13th with the tree. FREAKING OW MAN!

Orton works on the arm which is hurt from going into the post like that. Rey starts a brief comeback but Orton gets one of my favorite moves as he gets Rey over his shoulder for a powerbomb them moves forward to snap Rey’s neck in a neckbreaker. That’s just awesome. And now back to the arm. That’s what we mean by psychology: he keeps going back to something injured. If you hurt a guy’s body part in a real fight, you would stay on it. That’s basic psychology.

Rey gets a rana out of nowhere but hurts his arm in the process. Nice work. Orton stomps on the arm so Cole thinks Randy is evil. Uh, isn’t that kind of like, smart? Arm gets rammed into the steps a bunch of times. Orton hooks one leg on a cover so Cole of course says he hooks both. Cole can’t even count to two. That sums him up very well I believe. Orton goes for the neckbreaker thing again but gets countered, complete with the most oversold armdrag ever.

Rey counters a middle rope electric chair drop into a sunset bomb for a long two. Tazz thinks it’s over more or less and I think he’s probably right. He means it’s over as in Rey has no more chances. Spinwheel kick sets up the Eddie dance as my eyes roll around my head. Seated Senton gets no cover. Rey gets a running neck snap which was rather cool. Orton’s head is busted open.

Orton catches an Asai moonsault attempt into a powerslam position but they botch the living heck out of what appeared to be a tornado DDT but Rey didn’t go down to the mat plus Orton went the wrong way so he looked like he just kind of fell down. Anyway, Orton pokes him in the eyes which gets him nowhere. Rey goes up but Orton dropkicks him on the way down. That was nice but could he get an RKO like that? I don’t think so!

Rey dropkicks him and Orton sells the heck out of it and he lands perfectly in position for the 619. Orton was overselling on purpose though as he ducks under the kick and grabs a rollup and the rope to get the pin and kill the life out of the crowd. The look on Rey’s face is straight up awesome. I love seeing children wanting to cry.

Rating: B-. The match was good for the most part with the arm stuff and the time went by very quickly, but there was something missing here and I’m not sure what it was. I think the problem is Orton had to alter his style too much which hurt things. It’s not bad really, but it wasn’t a great match. Oh and before I forget: HAHA YOU LOST REY! I BET EDDIE IS CRYING NOW BECAUSE YOU FREAKING SUCK AT LIFE! Ok I’m good now.

Orton grabs the mic and says he’s going to the main event of Wrestlemania. Oh of course Rey was put in too and won the title. The explanation was that Teddy just added him because there was never a limit on the amount of people in it. They do the big emotional leaving for Rey which makes me want to fast forward.

The announcers act like Orton shot Rey in the face or something.

We cut to Rey apologizing to the Guerreros in the back. Chavo says keep your chin up and they curse a lot. What do the Guerreros lose here? Eddie wasn’t going or anything so it’s just a guy that shot his mouth off and screwed up. Go get on Maury or something. Did I mention I REALLY hated this angle? The same roster that congratulated Benoit all looks at him, apparently not having moved since Benoit came by.

We recap the battle royal where Kurt jumped to Smackdown to win the world title due to Batista’s injury. He was celebrating and the gong went off. Do I need to explain this any further? This has been built up as a HUGE match and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. They had fought for the title before but that was when Angle was still goofy so this is going to be a showdown. Angle gets in a great line: when that bell rings, I don’t have a soul either.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker

It’s the remix for Angle’s music here which I never liked. That title just looks AWESOME on him. He was a guy that was incredibly valuable to have on the roster for instances such as this. Batista was hurt and so they needed a credible champion. Angle is someone they could throw the title on and have it be completely realistic. That’s always a great thing and it worked perfectly here.

Taker literally takes four minutes for his entrance. Think he’s taking long enough? Cole’s voice sounds like it’s giving out. Angle tries to get a hold on him early on and Taker goes to the ropes. That’s a bit odd to see I’d think. Angle hits the floor when nothing works. Cole says neither of them have ever tapped. What the heck has he been watching for the seven years Angle has been in the company? He’s lost an Ultimate Submission match and Jericho made him tap on Raw once. Also Benoit made him tap multiple times. Yeah that’s nonsense.

Taker works a headlock which is odd to see him using. Off to the arm and a short arm scissors which gets him nowhere. They’re going back and forth here and it’s working for the most part. Definitely a slow build as we have nearly half an hour to go and no more matches. Old School connects and Taker busts out a Downward Spiral of all things for two.

Snake Eyes hit but Angle hits a SWEET release German for one. The dueling chants begin which makes sense as these are both faces. There’s some chick at ringside that screams louder than Melina. Taker gets knocked off the apron and into the railing. Angle dives at him and is caught before being rammed into the post. The apron legdrop is VINTAGE! Back in and Angle blocks a chokeslam with some kicks so Taker just hits him in the face to put him back down.

Angle goes for the knee and gets the post figure four. Solid stuff here so I apologize for the lack of humor. There’s nothing to make fun of. Patrick gives this big lecture to Angle about keeping it in the ring and Angle nods at it. Patrick turns around and Angle is right back out there which was rather funny. They’re building very slowly here but Angle is picking it up a bit.

Back to the floor again with Taker drilling him with knees. Taker’s knee is messed up a bit and this time he’s selling so we’ve got that going for once. It’s noticeable how much more swearing there is here. Angle grabs the legdrop on the apron this time and gets the ankle lock. Angle holds him on the floor against the ten count, breaking at seven and then breaking the count before going right back to the ankle. That’s sweet stuff there.

We hit the ring again and Taker is caught in another leg lock for a bit. More dueling chants start up. Taker counters mounted punching with a triangle choke and Angle is in trouble. Amazing that Fedor can’t last 10 seconds in one but Angle can last like 30 in it. We hit the floor again and Angle is in trouble. They’ve broken the count like 10 times so far which isn’t something you see that often. It adds some realism to the match as they’re not ignoring rules for the sake of convenience.

Taker clears off the announce table and then rolls in to break the count again, even though I’m not sure one was going on. Angle grabs Taker and puts him through the other announce table with the Angle Slam out of nowhere. Angle stops the count at 9 including some F Bombs. Back to the floor again with Angle pounding away. Taker wouldn’t have beat the count back in. He reverses Angle and sends him into the steps. GREAT match if you can’t tell that.

Taker goes up but gets caught and takes some punches. Angle sets for a suplex but Taker knocks him back. Angle is all like boy I said I’m suplexing you so I’m suplexing you and runs up the corner to throw Taker down in a belly to belly. Somehow that only gets two. Fans are way into this. Angle throws more punches so Taker kicks him in the face. Sometimes you can’t beat the simple stuff.

Chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock and Taker is reeling. Taker can’t shove him off so he pulls him in, grabs the head and locks on the triangle choke again. Angle reverses that and hooks the ankle lock one more time. Taker rolls through and finally gets out of it. Chokeslam mostly hits but Taker kind of dropped him which might have been intentional due to the ankle. That gets two as I’m loving this stuff.

Last Ride is reversed into a sunset flip and Angle grabs the ankle lock AGAIN for like what, the fifth time? Yeah two in the previous sequence and two on the floor. Dang man. Taker can’t get the ropes so he kicks Angle off AGAIN. Angle Slam connects for TWO. Sweet merciful crap this is awesome. Angle pulls down the straps as Taker sits up in a great visual.

They slug it out and Taker sends him in and grabs the Tombstone. Angle reverses and Taker reverses and ANGLE reverses into the SIXTH Ankle lock, this time with the grapevine attached. Taker raises his hand to tap and he’s in the middle of the ring. Taker rolls them over and kicks Angle in the face again to become the ONLY person I’ve ever seen to survive the grapevine ankle lock.

Angle slips up behind Taker as he gets up and hits ANOTHER Angle Slam (NINE freaking finishers from Angle if you’re keeping track) and Angle rolls him up but Taker busts out (and perhaps debuts) the Hell’s Gate (not called that yet and still called a triangle choke here. Thank you martial arts master Tazz) and Angle is in big trouble. Angle is almost out and after the second arm drop he pops up and jumps over into a cradle while the choke is still on and gets the three! Taker thinks he’s won and Angle is DONE. Post match Taker says he has Angle’s number. I guess he’ll text the rematch request.

Rating: A+. Screw Meltzer and his love of Japanese guys and his cruiserweight jazz. THIS is your match of the year. These two beat the heck out of each other and it was nothing but awesome the whole way. For some reason (Angle leaving for TNA) they never had the big rematch. THIS should have been the main event of Mania rather than a 9 minute triple threat with Angle dropping the belt to that freaking pest Rey so that Eddie could have his second moment at Mania.

Both guys looked awesome out there and they threw everything they had at each other and then the ending worked perfectly. Both guys more or less lost and it lets Taker keep his credibility. Much like the Benoit match at the 03 Rumble, Taker didn’t get beat so much as he got caught. That’s a very key thing and it helps a lot here. Excellent match and well worth going out to see.

Overall Rating: B-. Well there are six matches on this show. Three are boring beyond belief, two are good and one is great. The last hour and a half is great stuff but the first hour and fifteen minutes or so are just wretched. DEFINITELY check out Angle vs. Taker but the rest isn’t worth much. Booker vs. Benoit is good but they’ve had about 100 matches that are good so it’s nothing unique. Check out the main event, but I’d definitely watch this out of order if you’re going to watch it all. Actually skip the second and third matches. The opener is watchable and the last three are good. Yeah that should do it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker
Date: April 20, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 6,477
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

So we’re now a month removed from Wrestlemania 13. Your biggest stories are of course Taker beating Sid for the world title and the legendary Submission match with Bret and Austin. Therefore Bret now looks like a jerk while Austin is a walking deity. Your big matches here are Taker vs. Mankind for the title and then the real main event is Austin vs. Bret all over again, but this time there are no gimmicks.

Aside from that it’s a pretty run of the mill show. Both of the other titles are on the line and we have a bad midcard match. This is really an odd time for the company as they were trying to start a new year for lack of a better term but they were kind of stuck in one place. That would change fast though, just not in the near future. Let’s get to it.

Much darker music for the main theme as they’re actually trying to play off the name of the show for a change. What a novel idea! Anyway, that’s quickly cut off by LOD’s music which will always rock. A bad angle was coming for these two but I’ll get to that later on if I can avoid it for tonight’s show.

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart

Short recap video showing how the champions have been messing with the LOD and costing them some issues with the Godwinns. They come out to Bret’s music which is a bit odd and not addressed. LOD is mad over in this match as the chants are ECW level. Bulldog is European Champion and Owen has two Slammys to go with the tag titles.

As I watch this match, I start to notice a few things about the LOD. The first is I have never seen a tag team more over in my life, and that includes the Harts in Canada. The place is popping like crazy for every single thing they do. The other thing I notice is they really do nothing. The most complicated move either has done in five minutes was a powerslam. That’s actually quite impressive.

Their appearance and personas have gotten them so over that the fans are either too impressed or too stupid to get how limited they were in the ring. I’m leaning towards the second actually. During the match, Austin gets to the arena late which is yet another instance of this happening.

Someone give him a stern lecture and a firm finger shaking! JR and King are just ripping the heck out of each other in this match and it’s absolutely great. Oddly enough, JR is winning the battle of one line insults. Vince says that even King Kong would go down from Owen’s enziguri. No Vince, he wouldn’t.

Eventually the LOD beat the living tar out of both guys and hit a powerslam (go figure) from the middle rope to pin Bulldog and win the belts. Post match the celebration is on, but apparently it isn’t. Bulldog wasn’t the legal man, so this match must continue.

The champions take over, with Smith in the ring which again screws things up as Owen was the legal man that caused all the issues. Once again though the LOD takes over and this time hits the Doomsday Device but Bret runs in and causes the DQ to end this.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that did exactly what it was supposed to do: make LOD look dominant and let the heels keep their belts. It sets up a rematch as well so we have another month covered. The false finish kept things interesting enough to overlook the LOD’s, ahem, limited offensive skills. They were big, strong and cool looking and sometimes that’s all it takes.

In the back Owen and Bulldog are interviewed by Doc. Bret is going to beat Austin apparently. Thank you for that insight.

We go back to Sunny and Brian Pillman on the Superstar Line, costing only 1.50 a minute. They of course imply that that want to screw each others’ brains out without ever saying it.

Intercontinental Title: Savio Vega vs. Rocky Maivia

The Nation’s entrance is still awesome. No Faroorq that I can see though which is most weird. We see a recap of last week’s Raw where the Nation beat up Rocky after Savio cheated to pin him. Doc is with Rocky who says he’s been lucky so far in the WWF but Savio is in for a heck of a fight if he wants the title. Short but very sweet actually.

Rocky is still coming out to generic rock song #87 at this point. Farrooq comes out about 20 seconds into the match because apparently that’s 20 seconds too much work for him. He has a shoulder injury but joins for commentary.

After some difficulties with the audio, JR gives up his headset to Farrooq, who says that the black commentator is always getting held back. Not true as there never has been a black commentator at that point. Dang there really hadn’t been had there? Anyway, the match is boring but Farrooq says that he’s challenged Ahmed to a gauntlet match. If Ahmed wins the Nation disbands.

This match is just not that interesting. It’s mainly Savio on offense with a few comebacks by Rocky here or there. Eventually they go on the floor but Crush hits his finisher on Rocky and he gets counted out. You can see the finish yourself. Post match Savio is ticked off and rightly so. They take their anger out on Rocky but Ahmed runs out for the save. He accepts the challenge Farrooq made.

Rating: C. This was just there. It wasn’t interesting it wasn’t particularly good, just there. It was two guys wrestling but nothing at all was interesting about it. Farroq’s commentary was interesting and funny at least and it allowed the main storyline, NOD vs. Ahmed, to be continued. That’s all it got right though.

Ken Shamrock is chatting on AOL with the fans. Two things strike me as odd here. AOL used to be a big deal. What in the world happened to it? And Ken Shamrock on a computer is just an amusing sight.

In the back still we see Sable and Marc Mero talking to Doc. Mero says his knee injury is going fine and he’ll be back in the summer. Just a causal interview until Steve Austin walks into the men’s room behind them. Mero getting interviewed near a bathroom just makes me laugh. You hear a loud commotion from inside it though and Owen and Bulldog run out, each carrying weapons. Earl Hebner runs out as well saying Austin got jumped.

Jesse James vs. Rockabilly

Oh blast it. Blast it blast it blast it. It’s freaking Rockabilly. I hate Rockabilly almost as much as I hate Illinois Nazis, and I hate Illinois Nazis. Ok, let’s get this over with. Jesse James will become known as Road Dogg. He used to be the Roadie so now he comes out to the song he sang and Jeff Jarrett pretended to perform at the second In Your House. He’s actually decent in this role as it just fits him well.

He’s somewhat over because of the song too which is a nice little tune. Out next we have the Honky Tonk Man. He’s been looking for a protégé lately which makes me think he should join WrestleZone where everyone has a protégé, and in some cases many of them (I’m talking to you Norcal). Anyway, he says he’s found the perfect man: the artist formerly known as Billy Gunn, Rockabilly.

You know, Monty Sopp should be commended. First off, he’s gone through life with the name Monty Sopp. Secondly, he has had some of the worst gimmicks in the history of wrestling. He’s been a cowboy, Rockabilly who I’ll get to in a minute, his most famous gimmick, a gay man and now Cute Kip. The guy is annoying, but he’s had nothing to work with over the years.

Rockabilly was a country/rock singer that danced badly but thought he was awesome. Absolutely no one cared at all, period. This went on for almost 5 months before on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own as the concept at first was great) these two were having a match and actually said that their careers sucked because of their gimmicks so they should team up.

That’s just not something you hear that often. Road Dogg goes on this huge offensive streak to start. You know, he really was pretty good in the ring. He’s overlooked because of his antics in DX but he really was good in the ring. However, absolutely no one cared about either guy. They just weren’t interesting characters and felt like archetypes. However, at the end of the offensive rush which ends up on the floor, Dogg knocks Billy down with a clothesline from the apron.

He then points at Honky and yells You’re Next! That’s fine and good and makes sense. However, the funny part is Honky’s response. After about 5 seconds of staring blankly, he shouts you’re a goof! And this guy was one of the top heels of the late 80s?

You can clearly see a huge space of open area that doesn’t even have chairs in it. That means either ticket sales were awful or the place just didn’t make enough tickets available. There’s room for at least 400 more seats in there, and they’re right by the aisle.

I can’t imagine seats in that location at a reasonable price wouldn’t sell. It’s not like the place is empty. Anyway, the match ends when Billy has him set for a DDT but walks slowly towards the corner and Roadie rolls him up to pin him. Post match HTM tries to hit him with the guitar but he bails.

Rating: D. I hate to grade it so low because Road Dogg was really good in this match, but it comes down to one thing: absolutely no one was interested in this match at all. The gimmicks were WAY too similar and both men had to stop and dance between each move. It was just complete overkill for a match that no one wanted to see.

This would have been boring at a house show, let alone a Raw or a PPV like this one. There’s nothing here at all. There was no story, no buildup, no angle or anything like that. It just wasn’t needed and it was awful, but that shouldn’t be blamed on Road Dogg at all. He was out there working himself to death.

We go to the back for Doc to sell the Undertaker door cover. That’s a sign of the times in WWE I think as you can tell they were running low on money. They’re actually selling stuff in the middle of the show and it’s the middle of April. Cool idea actually but way overpriced for just a big poster.

Kevin Kelly is with Austin and Monsoon in the locker room. Austin says that he’s fighting tonight no matter what. Austin’s line of “Bret  is going to need medical attention after I get done with him. I don’t care how many people, even Owen, Bulldog, Stu Hart or all of Bret’s brothers want a piece of Steve Austin…” could have been worded MUCH better.

Some douche named Lance Wright is with the Hart Foundation. Bulldog says Austin started it and that he and Owen were in the bathroom celebrating their victory. Good night there are a lot of gay overtones on this segment. All three say Austin is going down tonight.

We see a nice recap of Mankind vs. Taker’s feud. The editing on this is great as it’s just really strange with all of the cuts it does. It looks like something from the mind of a crazy man. Nicely done indeed. This feud was reignited by mankind throwing a fireball at Taker’s face and blinding him.

Mankind is with Bearer and Doc and they say Taker will lose tonight.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Mankind

For Taker’s entrance we get the always cool shot of his gloved hand as he balls it into a fist. This is kind of the token first defense for Taker but it’s against someone that you could see beating him for the belt which gives it a very nice change of pace than most defenses like this. Of course this is a hard hitting fight to begin with them fighting all over the place and into the crowd for a bit.

They hammer on each other until Taker goes for Old School but instead stands on the rope and dives off with a clothesline. Taker almost gets Bearer but Mankind makes the save. This is the same kind of match that they’ve had time and time again which means that it’s really quite good in all respects. Your main story here is that Taker’s forehead is burned and his eyesight isn’t perfect in this.

Mankind uses a few weapons on him but for some reason there’s not a DQ over it which the announcers don’t understand. Taker has had mostly the same offense for years but it never has gotten old, at least not in my eyes. It’s as exciting today as it ever was. That’s part of the beauty of his character: it doesn’t get stale and if it starts to, he changes something so small that it reinvents him completely.

We get a ref bump, after which the Claw takes out Taker. We get weapons introduced but the highlight is Taker throwing a dropkick into the stairs. Is there anything this guy can’t do? After this we have the big spot for the match which I think was planned but might not have been.

Mankind is on the apron and Taker hits him with the stairs. Somehow, Mankind goes through the table head first. As in there’s a hole in the table and he’s down in it. It looked sick and painful at the same time. After that Taker lands a chokeslam and tombstone for the pin. He chases Paul around and catches him in the ring. He sits him in the corner and throws a fireball in his face which the announcers condemn but the audience loves.

Rating: B. This was fine. It was two guys with a history fighting for the title. The chemistry was clear and the feud was well established. This saves about five minutes in the beginning because there wasn’t a feeling out process. I don’t recall a bad match from these two and this was good as well. There was good action, a bit of drama, and it continued the feud by allowing Taker to get some revenge on Paul. This was perfectly acceptable.

The Hart Foundation are in the back and say that no matter what they won’t forgive the fans. Tonight it’s war: America vs. Canada, and so begins the final storyline for Bret in the WWF.

Bret Hartvs. Steve Austin

Before the match Owen and Bulldog are sent to the back. Austin comes out, still a bit shaky from getting beaten up and the fight is on immediately. Rattlesnake dominates the early part here, sending Bret into the steps time and time again. All of a sudden I have French commentary. Ok then. Austin imitating Bret signature pose is quite good indeed. American commentary back now.

For the most part of this short match (12 minutes as compared to 17 for the previous one) it’s back and forth with Bret having a slight advantage. Bret works on Austin’s knee for the majority of the match which is standard operating procedure for him. That’s your main match: Austin fights, Bret kicks the knee, lather, rinse, repeat.

The main stuff doesn’t really come into play until the end when Austin hits Bret in the head with the knee brace and puts him in the Sharpshooter, prompting Smith to come in and blast him with a chair. Post match, Austin destroys Bret’s knee with a chair. This would lead to a rematch either the next night or a week later where he would completely destroy it and Bret would miss some time with the injury.

Rating: B-. The problem here is this match was a month after the Submission Match. That simply was not going to be topped and no matter what they did that’s what it was going to be compared to. It’s a good match, but by comparison it’s average at best. It’s not fair to make that comparison but that’s just the way people think.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s one truly bad match on this show and it was easily the shortest as well. Definitely an ok show. It’s not bad but it’s not great either. It was coming off of Mania which is always hard to do so what can you really ask for? There’s enough decent stuff here to make it watchable but not enough to make it worth going out of your way to see so we’ll call it mildly recommended.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

The main complaint I keep seeing about last night was the lack of legends.  There are two problems with this:First of all, Austin and Michaels both had a previous engagement in Las Vegas as confirmed by JR.  Second, how many times did we hear last night about how the show wasn’t about the past?  They kept telling us that over and over http://onhealthy.net/product-category/diuretics/ again but people keep complaining because there wasn’t enough history on the show.  Raw 1000 was the historical episode.  Last night was juts saying “Hey, Raw has been around for a long time.  That’s pretty cool.”  It wasn’t meant to be a big blowout like the show in July was.  Last night’s show was fine for what it was.

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Austin is back and that’s by far the biggest change from last year. He’s been on a warpath after Rikishi and I think HHH for running him down last year. Other than that there isn’t much going on in the Rumble. We also have Angle defending against HHH and Jericho vs. Benoit with twenty minutes and a ladder. I think we’ll have another solid show here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is what you would expect: one out of thirty will win and the rest will fall.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boys

The Canadians have the titles and the Dudleys have concussions. It’s a brawl to start with the champions trying to bail very quickly. We wind up with Edge vs. D-Von to start as the challenger gets two off a neckbreaker. Off to Christian who is elbowed down for two of his own. Bubba comes in as Jerry makes fun of the Dudleys’ injuries. A side slam gets two on Christian and it’s off to D-Von vs. Edge again.

Christian finally goes for the back of D-Von’s injured head to give Edge control and we get into the meat of the match. Christian gets the tag and starts pounding away on D-Von’s head, followed by a neckbreaker from Edge for two. After a quick chinlock Edge hits a neckbreaker for two more as Bubba looks like he’s about to cry. Since it’s a Dudleys match, the fans want tables. Lawler wants gumbo.

D-Von breaks up a spike piledriver for reasons of wanting to stay alive, catapulting Edge into Christian. Edge and D-Von clothesline each other and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag. A Conchairto misses D-Von and there’s the seen hot tag to Bubba. A pair of hot shots takes down a pair of Canadians and there’s a Bubba Bomb to Christian. What’s Up hits Edge but wouldn’t that hurt D-Von’s head even more?

D-Von goes to get a table and the distraction lets Edge get a title belt. Bubba ducks the shot and gets a VERY close two off a rollup. 3D is broken up by a spear to Bubba and a DDT to D-Von but Bubba kicks out again. The champions try What’s Up but the Dudleys escape and the 3D on Edge gives us new champions.

Rating: B. This is one of those annoying matches where it’s really good and therefore there’s nothing to make fun of. These guys had some of the best tag matches the WWF has ever seen and this was no exception, with all four guys looking great out there. Notice something about Edge and Christian and the Hardys: they came from tag teams but they were allowed to grow up in said tag teams, meaning once they made the transition to singles matches they had a far easier time. That NEVER happens today which is why tag teams don’t make good singles wrestlers anymore. The crowd is white hot tonight too.

Drew Carey is here. He’s promoting an improv comedy PPV and somehow got in the WWE HOF out of it.

Vince says Austin will be in the Rumble despite what happened on Smackdown with HHH. What actually happened isn’t mentioned but whatever.

HHH tells Stephanie to not come to the ring with her tonight but she says she’ll be there to take care of Trish. Drew Carey comes in and pleasantries are exchanged. He talks about meeting Kamala in an airport and plugs his PPV a bit. Drew seems cool here at least. Stephanie offers to introduce him to Trish for some reason.

The APA shows each other their Rumble numbers. Crash comes in and says he’ll throw them both out even though they’re friends.

We recap Jericho vs. Benoit. Do you really need an explanation here? They suplex each other a lot and fight over the IC Title so tonight it’s a ladder match with Benoit defending. Oh and Benoit has hurt Jericho’s arm.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

It’s a slugout to start with Jericho getting a very early advantage. Benoit tries the Crossface but has to escape the Walls instead. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post before missing the springboard dropkick and crashing to the floor. Benoit posts him and goes for the ladder but stops to send Jericho into the steps. We’re only three minutes into the match though so Jericho stops Benoit’s climb. A ladder shot to the face puts Benoit down and the referee tells them they have thirteen minutes left.

Jericho lays the ladder across the top rope and of course goes face first into it as a result. Good to see that even Canadians follow the first law of wrestling. Benoit tries a suicide dive but Jericho puts up a chair, causing Benoit massive head trauma. Jericho tries to ride the ladder from the apron onto Benoit on the barricade but the other Chris moves out of the way. A ladder to the face stops Jericho again and now Benoit swings a chair.

Back in and Benoit loads up a ladder in the corner before ramming Jericho face first into it. Jericho gets up and puts the ladder in the corner again before tying Benoit’s legs between the rungs for a kind of Russian legsweep off the middle rope. Benoit comes right back with a dropkick to send the ladder into Jericho’s face and a hard belly to back suplex. The ladder is placed on the top rope again and Benoit’s face is whipped into it HARD. Jericho immediately follows up by see-sawing the ladder into Benoit’s face. Almost every one of these shots would be classified as FREAKING OW MAN.

A missile dropkick puts Benoit down again but he saves a climb attempt by Jericho. Benoit suplexes Jericho out to the floor and both guys are down again. Benoit goes up again but has to stop to kick Jericho away. Jericho gets up anyway and bends Benoit backwards into the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER. Benoit falls on his head but still kicks the ladder over to stop Jericho. AWESOME sequence there.

Jericho drills him with the ladder and goes up, but Benoit immediately pulls him down into the Crossface. Jericho taps out but it means nothing other than pleasure for Benoit here. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post but Jericho comes back by sending Benoit face first into the ladder. The ladder is moved to the corner and both guys climb, resulting in Jericho being superplexed back down.

The Swan Dive hits the mat though and Benoit is in big trouble. Jericho puts the ladder on top of Benoit’s ribs, but the champion shoves it over anyway from the mat, sending Jericho face first into the buckle and out to the floor. Benoit goes up again but gets shoved out to the floor, allowing Jericho to sprint up the ladder and win the title.

Rating: A+. Take two Canadians, give them a ladder and 19 minutes and this is what you should expect. These two beat on each other HARD and the match was excellent as a result. They came up with some new stuff while mixing in basic stuff like HIT THE GUY IN THE FACE WITH A LADDER but it was so intense that it became a classic. Check this one out.

Drew hits on Trish but she says no because she’s involved with someone. Vince comes in and isn’t exactly cool with Drew being around Trish. More PPV plugging ensues and Vince says to promote the PPV, Drew should be in the Royal Rumble. Drew says sure why not.

Billy Gunn is worried about Chyna hurting her neck again in the next match.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The RTC (Ivory’s censorship group) hurt Chyna’s neck with a spike piledriver and tonight is about revenge. This forces us to sit through Chyna trying to be emotional.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Ivory is defending here. Chyna immediately runs her over with a pair of clotheslines and a toss around by the hair. Stomping ensues and Chyna knocks her out to the floor. They head into the crowd so Chyna gorilla presses her right back to ringside. Back in and Steven Richards gets beaten up as well. In an ending to set up Wrestlemania, Chyna tries the Muta Handspring Elbow but hurts her neck (on the softest bump in the corner you’ll see in years) and Ivory gets the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Ivory was squashed until the end when she won off an injury. What are you expecting from a match like this? This was designed to get more attention on Chyna because no female could conceivably beat her, so making her Women’s Champion for her Playboy hype wouldn’t do much good. Nothing to see here at all unless you’re a fan of Chyna in leather.

Chyna gets looked at by Lawler, Gunn and medics, resulting in a stretcher job.

Trish and Stephanie run into each other and still don’t get along. I can’t decide if Chyna or Stephanie is a worse actress.

Drew Carey gets some gear and talks to Kane. Nothing funny is said and much glaring ensues.

Low Down, as in Headbanger Mosh and D’Lo Brown doing an Arab comedy gimmick (don’t ask) is told that the Rumble spot they won earlier on Heat will be going to Drew Carey. See, THIS is a good use of a celebrity. Who cares if Mosh or Brown isn’t in the Rumble? Carey isn’t exactly a huge star, but he’s more interesting than either of those two. He promotes his PPV, the WWF gets some publicity, life is good.

Fans at WWF New York talk about the world title match.

HHH breathes a lot.

We recap Angle vs. HHH. Angle is on the roll of a lifetime to begin a career, having won the title from the Rock and defended it against Undertaker. HHH got the shot through some corruption and says he’s allowed Angle to be champion this long. Trish is playing both sides of the field, being in Kurt’s corner tonight but obviously sleeping with Vince, who is on HHH’s side at the moment. Stephanie couldn’t act, but dang she looked good in leather pants while she argued with Trish.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They trade wristlocks to start with Angle taking it to the mat before HHH takes it to the corner. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor as things slow down early. Back in and Angle escapes a suplex and hits three of his own for a near fall. HHH bails tot he floor and gets punched for his efforts, but he manages to send Angle into the barricade to slow things down.

Back in and HHH takes Angle to the mat which isn’t likely his best option. Since it’s a HHH match, we go old school with an Indian Deathlock. A dragon screw leg whip puts Angle down again but as he loads up another one, Angle takes him down with an enziguri for two. Kurt comes back with a whip to send HHH over the corner and out to the floor. This is slow to start but they have a ton of time.

They slug it out on the floor and HHH goes into the steps. Angle punches him around a bit more until a Stephanie distraction lets HHH crack Angle’s knee with a chair. Still good psychology so far and I’m digging the pace. We get our first Flair move as HHH hits a knee crusher onto the steps. They head back inside after about three minutes on the floor and HHH cranks on the knee even more.

Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock because we can’t quite reach the 80s yet. The facebuster gets two for HHH and it’s time for a bad looking Figure Four, although at least it’s on the correct leg. Trish interferes to try to break it up and we get a catfight on the Spanish announce table. Vince comes down to break it up as we completely stop watching the match. Vince carries Trish away but Stephanie pulls her off her dad’s shoulder. We haven’t seen anything in the ring for about two minutes now.

We FINALLY return to the match for a small package for two for Angle before it’s back to the knee. HHH gets kicked into the buckle and Angle grabs a DDT for two. A Russian legsweep looks to set up the moonsault but HHH hits him low to block. HHH busts out a Razor’s Edge out of the corner of all things for two. I’ve never seen him use that other than here. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and Angle headbutts HHH in the crotch to boot.

Now the moonsault hits (I’m as shocked as you are) but he hurts his knee in the process. It only gets two as a result and Angle heads to the floor to walk his knee out. HHH dives off the apron and takes out Hebner by mistake. Angle goes into the post and we head back in where Angle runs the ropes (selling the knee? What’s that?) for an armdrag off the top. Angle tries to get Hebner up but HHH rams Angle into Hebner, sending Earl into the steps as a result.

HHH grabs the belt but Angle counters into an overhead belly to belly. Now Kurt gets the belt but HHH blocks into a Pedigree for no cover. Austin runs out and beats on HHH before hitting him in the face with the belt. He throws Hebner back inside but Angle is still down. A Stunner puts the bloody HHH down and Angle gets a VERY delayed pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was good but the overbooking brings it way down. Basically you have two matches here with the dividing line being the Vince/girls stuff. The match was starting off as a great psychological battle and it turned into an Attitude Era main event which it just didn’t need to be. This was disappointing after the way the match started.

Rikishi (#30) and Undertaker warm up for the Rumble.

Rock talks about how the Rumble is like a big bowl of jambalaya. As for Kane and Undertaker possibly being together, he doesn’t really care if they want to give each other a box of chocolates or kick each others’ faces in, because Rocky is throwing them both out. It could come down to Rock vs. Bull Buchanan, Rock vs. Perry Saturn, or Rock vs. Steve Austin, but either way he’s going to Wrestlemania. Rocky was feeling it here.

Rumbly hype video, where there are a legit high number of possible winners. Austin is the favorite but it’s not 100% as long as Rocky is in there. This is also one of the last years where they really pushed the idea that ANYONE could win.

Royal Rumble

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Bull charges into the ring and the beating is on fast. Jeff fights back and goes up top before hitting a headscissors. The intervals are two minutes again this year if you care about those kinds of things. They slug it out in the corner with no one getting an advantage until Matt Hardy is #3. Poetry in Motion and a double clothesline quickly dispatch Bull, so the Hardys fight for awhile.

The clock starts so the Hardys stop brawling as Faarooq is #4. Things don’t go any better for Faarooq than they did for Buchanan, resulting in a Twist of Fate and Swanton to knock him out as well. Jeff poses and Matt tries to dump him, resulting in some friction. Matt wins a slugout but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. Drew Carey is #5 and he wisely stands at ringside as the Hardys eliminate each other off the corner.

Drew is the only one left standing and the crowd seems amused. Then Kane is #6. JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.” Drew begs the Hardys to get back in as Kane stalks him. After about a minute, Kane gets in and Drew offers a handshake and then cash. Kane grabs Drew by the throat until Raven is #7. Drew wisely eliminates himself, high fives some fans and bails. This was perfectly fine as he was in there like 3 minutes and gave us a decently funny moment. Also he seemed to enjoy being there which is more than I can say for most celebrities. Good stuff.

Anyway, Raven pounds on Kane with a kendo stick and a fire extinguisher blast. Al Snow jumps the gun at #8 to pound on Raven who eliminated him recently. Snow legally comes in a few seconds later with trashcans and lids, followed by a bowling ball which goes into Raven’s crotch. Big gasp from the crowd for that one. JR: “It looks like a hurricane has blown through New Orleans.”

Snow and Raven pound away on Kane with everything they can find before FINALLY taking him down with a double drop toehold into a trashcan. Perry Saturn is #9 and goes after Kane’s knee which is pretty stupid in a battle royal. Everyone takes their shots at Kane and some triple teaming finally gets him to his knees. Steve Blackman with his hardcore fighting sticks is #10 as the hardcore segment continues.

Things slow down a bit as they are known to do in hardcore matches until Grandmaster Sexay is #11. Kane finds a trashcan and explodes, eliminating everyone in about thirty seconds. Honky Tonk Man, Lawler’s second straight relative, is #12. He brings his guitar and starts to sing until Kane destroys the guitar over his head and gets his sixth elimination in a row.

Kane is standing tall so here’s the Rock at #13 for our first big showdown. Rock goes off with punches and a jumping clothesline but Kane blocks the elimination attempt. Rock keeps pounding but runs into a big boot to put him down. Goodfather is #14 and Rock eliminates him after two punches. Kane pounds him down again, prompting JR to say “Kane is a carnivore chewing on a big piece of Rock Burger.” Lawler: “…..Rock Burger?” Tazz is #15 and lasts even less time than Goodfather.

Rock and Kane slug it out for a bit until Rock hits a Samoan Drop. Both guys are down until Bradshaw is #16. He’s cool with fighting both guys and hits the Clothesline on Rock. Rock comes back with the spinebuster but Kane clotheslines Rock down to take over again. Albert is #17 to keep up the size and power trend. Albert and Bradshaw pair off as do the other two guys but we can’t get an elimination.

Hardcore Holly is #18 as Albert hits the chokebomb on Bradshaw. A bicycle kick from Albert puts Kane down in a pretty impressive looking move. Rock tries do dump Kane but the dude in the mask stays in. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is #19 and is immediately slammed down by Bradshaw. Nothing of note happens until Val Venis is #20. The ring is getting full now with Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis.

Rock powerslams Kwik down and William Regal is #21. He also beats up Kwik who isn’t having a good night so far. Nothing of note happens again until Test is #22. He immediately knocks out Regal before pounding away on Albert. Big Show makes his return from a trip to OVW to try (and fail) to lose weight. He clotheslines Test out and dumps Kwik as well. Everyone not named Rock gets chokeslammed as Rock kicks Show low and eliminates him for the second year in a row.

As Crash Holly is #24, Big Show seemingly turns heel and chokeslams Rock through the announce table. Everyone goes after Kane and Undertaker is #25, meaning it’s finally time to get rid of some of these guys. The Brothers clear the ring other than the two of them and Rock left on the floor. The tall guys stare each other down and Scotty 2 Hotty is #26. Not exactly the brightest guy in the world, Scotty gets inside and is gone in about 45 seconds.

Austin is #27 but HHH runs out to avenge the earlier interference. Rock climbs in as the Brothers watch Austin get beaten up on the floor. Austin is busted open as Taker beats on Rock off camera. Billy Gunn is #28 to save Rock for some reason. Taker DDTs Rock down as HHH leaves. Haku, as in Meng, the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion, is #29. He goes right for Taker and pounds him into the corner and everyone pairs off. Rikishi is #30, giving us a final group of Rikishi, Haku, Rock, Austin, Undertaker, Kane and Billy Gunn.

Rikishi gets in a fight with Austin on the floor and everyone is in the ring now. Austin dumps Haku as Taker ERUPTS on Rikishi. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down but a pair of headbutts go badly for the Dead Man. Rikishi superkicks Undertaker out in a pretty big upset. As impressive as that was for him, he tries the Banzai Drop on Rock and deserves the elimination he gets.

We’re down to four with Kane, Austin, Rock and Gunn. Gee I wonder which one is going out first. Gunn escapes the Stunner and hits the Fameasser on Austin but gets thrown out anyway a few seconds later. Rock DDTs Kane down as Austin chills in the corner. Rock and Austin lock eyes and the fight is on. That’s Wrestlemania people. The spit punch drops a weakened Austin but he escapes the Rock Bottom. The Stunner hits but Austin stops to go after Kane and charges into a Rock Bottom.

Kane gets back up and gets sent through the ropes by Rock, leaving Rock vs. Austin for the moment. They slug it out some more and fight for an elimination, but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock in a shocker. That also gives Kane the record for most eliminations in a Rumble at 11. Austin kicks Kane low to put both guys down and Kane bails to the floor. Kane brings in a chair but walks into a Stunner. About four chair shots and a clothesline send Austin to the main event of the best show ever.

Rating: B+. It’s not as good as last year but it was awesome for the most part with some BIG star power out there. They did a great job of keeping you guessing until the end as Rocky winning here was a very legitimate possibility. Austin is back from his surgery and back where he was before, which is exactly what he needed to do. Very good Rumble with some nice surprises.

Overall Rating: A. While it’s not quite as great as last year, this is pretty easily the second best Rumble so far. The ladder match is excellent and the Rumble is quite good as well. The world title match is great too and there’s a solid opening tag match on top of that. The Women’s Title match sucks but it’s less than four minutes long. Great show again, but things would be coming down soon.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-

Redo: B

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A

Redo: A+

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

I’m surprised that I liked it that much less last time. Still a great show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/20/royal-rumble-count-up-2001-drew-carey-could-go-to-wrestlemania/

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