I mentioned this in another post and I had planned on saying something short about it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it deserved something big. I mentioned that Stone Cold Steve Austin was a near perfect character and today we’re going to look at why that’s the case. Austin is one of the few if not the only character ever to be both completely over the top while also being one of the most realistic. I’ll explain what I mean by that in a bit so let’s get to it.

First and foremost a clarification: I’m talking about Stone Cold, not Steve Austin in general. I’m talking about roughly the period from the day he started defying authority and ending at Wrestlemania X7 (with a few exceptions past that date). Before then his character barely existed and after that it changed for the worse, although he was always talented enough to get whatever he was doing. Austin is on the list of people you hear about who could read the phone book and entertain an audience for hours.

The easiest way to sum up the Austin character in a nutshell is with a famous movie line. In the movie Network, one of the characters says “I’m as mad and I’m not going to take it anymore.” That is Steve Austin in one sentence. Austin was tired of playing second fiddle to all of these older guys who were given better spots than him because they had been around longer. He felt that the spots should be based on how good you were, not when you started in the company.

This was perfectly illustrated at the 1996 King of the Ring which is commonly considered Austin’s coming out party. In the finals, Austin beat Jake Roberts who was back in the WWF for “one more run” as a nostalgia character. Following the match, Austin cut his legendary Austin 3:16 promo, talking about how Roberts may be a legend, but he just got beat and there was nothing anyone could do to stop Austin’s rise.

What followed was the feud that made Austin, as he fought the ultimate current legend, Bret Hart. While Bret beat Austin at the Survivor Series, Austin continued to torment Bret, cheating him out of the Royal Rumble and costing him the world title a few nights later on Raw. This all lead us to Wrestlemania and the I Quit match between the two of them where we saw some of the best storytelling ever.

The basic idea of the match was simple: Bret was as submission master but Austin would never say he gave up. At the end of the match (one of the best ever and well worth seeing if you somehow haven’t), Austin was bleeding terribly and finally passed out in the Sharpshooter to give the win to Bret. Now notice something very important here: Bret could not stop Austin. All he did was slow down what was coming and hope to survive it.

This brings me to my second point: Austin wasn’t just a character. He was a revolution and a new way of thinking in wrestling. The reason for his mass popularity though was he captured the thoughts of the audience. Austin was the voice of the voiceless, in that people are always tired of being told that they have to wait their turn no matter how good they may be and are tired of putting up with corporate suits telling them to work within a system and other various excuses to avoid answering the complaints people had.

In September of 1997 (don’t worry we’ll come back to the summer months later), Monday Night Raw was broadcast from Madison Square Garden for the first time. Around this time, Austin had been injured in a match with Owen Hart and might not be able to wrestle again because of it. Vince had told Austin to work within the system, to which Austin responded with the first of many Stunners to the boss. In a word, the building erupted. As I said before, it was the audience channeling themselves into Austin and getting to do something they had always wanted to do but never could do in real life.

What followed over the next three and a half years was a path of destruction by the rebel Austin. He did everything from fill Corvettes with cement to blowing up buses to pretending to shoot Vince in the head to spraying down the Corporation with beer and everything in between. The entire time though, Austin was rebelling. This is another of the keys to why Austin was a perfect character: he DID things rather than merely be labeled as something.

In a word, Austin was a rebel. That’s the single word definition of what his character was. Now, can you imagine if he had come in with the name “The Rebel”? Dick Slater had that exact same name back in the late 80s, and remarkably almost no one remembers it. He came out in a Confederate flag vest and that’s about it. We were simply told what his gimmick and character were, as opposed to being SHOWN what the character was.

There’s an old saying which is a cliché, but in this case it’s the absolute truth: actions speak louder than words. That’s one of the reasons Austin’s character worked: we got to see him doing all this stuff. This is true with any wrestling character. Look at the gimmicks like Duke Droese, Henry Godwinn and T.L. Hopper. We were told immediately what these guys were and that was about the extent of their character development.

Now look at someone like Razor Ramon, who debuted with a series of vignettes of him in Miami being a jerk. Those promos told us everything we needed to know about Ramon and all we were told directly was that Ramon was “the bad guy.” Again, it’s about seeing these people do things rather than being told about them. Austin is the epitome of this because the actions he took were huge.

Jumping back to the summer of 1997, we’ll get into another reason why Austin worked so well: he was allowed to be seasoned. Today one of the major problems is pushing people to the main event before they’re ready. A legitimate case could have been made that Austin was ready for the world title after losing to Hart at Wrestlemania, but instead he was given another year of feuding with first the Hart Foundation and then a brief run against the Nation of Domination before entering the world title scene.

Now while Austin won his feud with the Nation, defeating Rock for the Intercontinental Title to end things at D-X In Your House in December, he didn’t have the same kind of luck against the Harts. In his war with the Hart Foundation, Austin regularly lost. He lost to Bret at Survivor Series, he lost to Bret at Final Four, he lost to Bret at Wrestlemania, he beat Bret by DQ at Revenge of the Taker, the Foundation cost Austin the title at Cold Day In Hell, and Austin’s team lost at Canadian Stampede. Austin completely lost the Border War, but he wasn’t on Bret’s level yet.

This is something I can’t emphasize enough: Austin lost. A lot. People often forget that Austin was a SIX TIME WWF Champion. That’s a lot of times to win and lose a world title. When you look back at it, he didn’t hold the belt long other than one reign. His first reign lasted about three months, his second reign lasted one day less than the first, his third and fourth reigns were under two months each, and his sixth reign was less than two months. Only his fifth reign, the one in 2001 when he won the title from the Rock, lasted a good amount of time and it wasn’t even six months long.

Let’s look at how Austin lost the title each time. The first time was a first blood match to a masked man. The question my friends and I asked back then was “how can he make a guy bleed when he can’t get to his face?” Austin couldn’t do it. The second time was in a glorified handicap match against Kane and Undertaker. Again, these odds seemed impossible and Austin failed. The third loss was against Undertaker with both Vince and Shane McMahon as guest referees and Shane fast counted him.

In other words, when the odds were stacked to the roof against Austin, he usually lost. Think about that and think of how rare it is. There was no Superman comeback. Austin didn’t beat four guys on his own. Austin didn’t come up with some cute way to keep the belt. He lost and that was it. Here’s the secret the WWE seems to forget today: you can win a title back. Of the five times Austin regained the title after losing it, three of them were less than six weeks after he lost it in the first place.

This is what I was referring to when I said Austin was both over the top as well as realistic. Rather than making a superhuman comeback, he would lose. At the end of the day, it would have been REALLY hard for fans to buy Austin beating both Kane and Undertaker in the same match. If nothing else, it’s bad for business because why should I believe Kane or Undertaker could beat him one on one if they couldn’t do it together? Also, it doesn’t hurt Austin to lose in a situation like that because it’s not like he missed a layup or something. He lost to the most dominant pairing in company history. It was a much smarter decision to have Austin go down and get the title back later.

This brings us to the final reason why the Stone Cold character worked so well: he was really entertaining. I mentioned this earlier but Austin is one of the few wrestlers where he could make eating a sandwich entertaining. Austin could do anything from drinking beer to singing Jimmy Crack Corn to Stunning people to shouting WHAT over and over again to singing the Rick Roll song (Youtube that one. It’s hysterical.) to telling funny stories and people would be entertained. Look at him now as after his wrestling career is over he’s enjoying a decent career as a B-movie action star.

The other side of Austin’s entertainment value is his ability in the ring. People often forget how excellent of a pure wrestler Austin was. Think about to some of the matches he had with Bret, Rock, Foley, Benoit, Angle, Jericho, HHH and I could go on. With Austin, his work on the microphone is so good that it’s constantly overshadowing his work in the ring. To give you an idea of how good he was, according to Meltzer, Austin has two five star matches, the same total as Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels.

Overall, Stone Cold Steve Austin was one of the best characters of all time because he was both realistic and over the top as well as incredibly entertaining. He connected with an audience that wanted to express themselves but couldn’t as well as never going so far overboard that he was unrealistic in the ring. On top of that, he was an excellent in ring wrestler that had one of the best collections of matches that anyone has ever had. Austin might be as close to a perfect character as there has ever been.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They swear on the air which might be a first. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 1997
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 6,855
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Honky Tonk Man

We’re six days away from the Rumble and the one clear thing is that a few people could win it. The main picks would be Austin or Hart but there are enough people that could possibly win to make it interesting. Other than that we’ve got Sid vs. Shawn II building up to Shawn’s return home. Do you really not get who is leaving the PPV with the title? Let’s get to it.

Shawn is in San Antonio before the Rumble on Sunday.

Jerry Lawler/Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marc Mero/Goldust

Goldust is here to get revenge on HHH for hurting Marlena while Lawler and Mero are there to make it a tag match. Brawl to start and the regal team is knocked to the floor. Goldust and Lawler start things off but it’s quickly off to Mero who sends Lawler into hiding. The fans chant BURGER KING which sounds good at the moment as I haven’t had lunch yet. Lawler tries to get in a punch out with a former Golden Gloves champion, earning himself a right cross to take him down.

Things break down for a bit and Lawler gets punched some more, sending him to the outside. Off to HHH as more stalling ensues. We also hear about the upcoming matches on the show for the second time in about three minutes. Mero backdrops HHH down and brings in Goldie, sending Helmsley running in fear. Back to Lawler who gets in a few punches before being knocked to the floor.

Mero comes back in and gets decked from behind by HHH. This match is having a hard time getting any kind of rhythm going at all. Mero gets worked over with really basic stuff from both guys, such as Lawler suplexing him down. Apparently next week the winner of the Rumble will face the loser of the WWF Title match. That’s not a terrible idea. Mero tags in Goldust who causes HHH to run away again as this is getting really repetitive.

Lawler gets a foreign and likely invisible object as Mero goes to the floor. We take a break and come back with HHH charging into Mero’s boot in the corner. A headscissors put HHH down and FINALLY we get Goldust vs. Helmsley. Goldie explodes on HHH, pounding away as hard and fast as he can with clotheslines and uppercuts. HHH gets caught in the ropes and Goldust pounds away until he gets disqualified.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. I have no idea why they let this go nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUETS but it had no business lasting longer than about two. There was no flow to it at all and it was just waiting until we got to the stupid ending. On top of that, Mero and Lawler had no reason to be in the match at all, other than keeping this from being the same one on one match we would see on Sunday with Goldust vs. HHH.

Shawn is in San Antonio and watches a promo from Sid in the Alamodome, saying that he’s going to be a monster against Shawn on Sunday. Sid is going to make sure to humiliate Shawn in front of his friends and family. It’s probably the most coherent and best Sid promo I’ve ever heard. We also get a recap of Sid attacking the Lotharios. Shawn says that he and the people of San Antonio are going to kick Sid in the teeth. He isn’t defenseless like the Lotharios (nice show of respect there Shawn) and on Sunday, Sid is going to fall.

Here’s Bret with something to say. Yesterday Austin attacked Hart on Superstars and injured his ankle before the Rumble. Oh apparently Bret is going to sit in on commentary.

Shawn is STILL in San Antonio.

Rocky Maivia vs. British Bulldog

Bret praises Rocky as he comes to the ring. The guy has an eye for talent if nothing else. Rocky also might be having eyes for Sable but it doesn’t seem to be for sure. Bret describes the WWF as a lawless land and says he’ll take care of Austin if they wind up in the ring together. Feeling out process in the match with Rocky taking over via an armdrag. Honky asks Bret if he’d consider being Honky’s protege but Bret laughs it off.

Bulldog gets sent to the floor and things stall a for a bit. Back in and it’s time for more arm cranking as Owen comes out to ringside. Rocky gets sent to the outside as well just before Owen stares down Bret. We take a break as Bret takes off his sunglasses. Back with Davey pounding on Rocky as the Hart staredown continues.

We hit a chinlock on Rocky for a bit before Maivia fights back up with a cross body for two. The delayed vertical suplex puts Rocky down again and a legdrop gets two. Back to the chinlock due to a lack of anything better to do. Rocky fights back up and they collide to put both guys down again. Maivia fights back with a bunch of clotheslines including one that puts both guys on the floor. Cue Austin to take out the knee and Stun Bulldog for the countout. Bret couldn’t make the save because Owen wouldn’t let him get up.

Rating: C-. Better match than you would expect given the experience of Rocky at this point, but it was a cool sight to see Rocky hang in there as long as he did and even win the match. He was about to get booed harder than anyone would ever believe possible in this day and age, but at this point there wasn’t much to him.

The Nation says they’re united at the Rumble.

Undertaker vs. Crush

Crush is part of the Nation here so Taker goes into the aisle to fight them all at once. We head inside for the bell with Taker slamming Crush down and dropping a leg for no cover. Taker loads up Old School but Faarooq crotches him to give Crush control for a good three seconds. Taker sends him to the floor but gets guillotined as Crush comes back in. We continue the punch off until Crush hits a piledriver to put Taker on the floor.

Taker gets rammed into the steps and punched even more before we head back inside. Vader is standing at the entrance to the arena as we take a break. Back with Crush choking away and getting two off a clothesline. Back to the chinlock as this match continues to be slow. Taker hits a clothesline of his own but gets taken down by a belly to belly suplex. Crush loads up his Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) but gets caught in a chokeslam. Faarooq and Vader run in for the DQ before a cover can happen though.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here which is a running theme tonight. Crush was there as a warm body and little more, which would be the case until he was thrown out of the Nation, which led to him being a warm body in the DOA. Taker would continue to flail around for a few weeks until he wound up winning the world title at Wrestlemania because why not.

Vader and Faarooq beat down Taker until Ahmed Johnson comes out for the save, only to get beaten down as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This really didn’t work for me. The opening match was terrible, the middle match was just ok, and the last match was bad. Sid vs. Shawn is set up pretty well, but rather than Austin vs. Hart, the real battle of the Rumble, was made secondary to the Harts feuding, which wasn’t even a thing for Sunday. Just an odd episode all around that didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show.

Here’s the Rumble if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Backlash: In Your House #28
Date: April 25, 1999
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 10,939
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show and not a lot has changed. We’re getting a few Wrestlemania rematches here as Austin is defending against the Rock again while Mankind is facing Big Show in a boiler room brawl. Other than that we have the fully heel HHH facing X-Pac in a match for revenge. For once, the name of the show fits the theme perfectly. Let’s get to it.

Also on the card tonight, Undertaker faces Shamrock as we have the Ministry vs. what would become the Union. Also it’s HHH vs. X-Pac as Pac tries to get revenge on HHH for costing him the European Title and we all know how important that belt was. Let’s get going.

Standard intro and I use that term in every sense of the word. There’s nothing special about it at all. Shane is the referee for the main event tonight and it’s no holds barred. If Austin touches Shane he loses the title.

The Brood vs. The Ministry

Ministry is the Acolytes and Mideon. The Brood got thrown out of the Ministry after Christian was tortured into saying where Stephanie, who Taker had kidnapped, was located. It’s kind of amazing that 4/6 of these guys would one day be world champions. It’s your standard power vs. speed match as you still have three groups fighting with each other with the Corporation, the Ministry and Vince’s people.

The announcers try to make it seem that Shamrock can make Taker give up. That’s just flat out funny. Gangrel and Midieon just need to go away, and I mean FAR away. Edge and Christian vs. the APA could be a good tag match. They’re given over ten minutes to work with and it pays off as we get a solid six man tag match.

The Brood, who are the closest thing to faces we have in this match, start to take over here until Viscera comes out and screws everything up. Even when he’s not wrestling he makes matches worse which has got to be some kind of talent. Anyway JBL clotheslines Edge to win it.

Rating: B. I liked it for some reason. It was a great choice for an opener as it showcased the future talent very well. Edge and Christian just shine so brightly here that it’s unbelievable. Both guys were destined to be stars and you can see it in them. JBL was ok and Simmons is fine as always. The other two guys just flat out sucked in every sense of the word.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly

This is your rematch from two months ago. This is going to be a short review as it’s as standard of a hardcore match as you’ll find for the most part. They hit each other with things that you’d find under any ring: chairs, tables, hockey sticks, stairs etc. They fight in the crowd for a bit then go back to the ring where more weapons are used for no apparent reason. Then we go to the back which is where the somewhat more entertaining stuff happens.

They beat on each other for awhile with Holly trying to use a kitchen sink on Snow in a joke that’s just not funny anymore and I don’t think it ever has been in the first place. Snow counters this with a fire hose. They brawl out into the parking lot and in a funny sequence they keep throwing each other into a car where the car alarm goes off each time. We fight to the production truck which is just weird looking. Elbow onto a car in a cool looking spot and we fight some more.

FINALLY we get some blood as Snow is opened up. Of course now we go back to the ring for more fighting. I was hoping for an intellectual discussion on 18th century Russian literature. Great looking table spot off of a top rope suplex. A shot from Head finally ends it.

Rating: B. I liked it again. This was a fun match with no one really being able to take advantage the whole time. It was all about big spots here and it was quite successful in that regard. Definitely a solid match here with Snow finally getting the title that he’d been chasing for months on end.

Taker talks about the higher power which was one of my favorite angels of all time.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Godfather

For no reason at all, Godfather was given the IC Title 6 days earlier. It’s considered to be his reign that likely killed off the title for good until Jericho, Benoit and Angle almost saved it. He has 8 women with him as we cater to the 13 year olds in the audience. This is a comedy match but not a particularly good one.

Meanie keeps interfering and Godfather keeps beating on him. The “raging climax” (rep for the person that gets that joke) is that the gold boy gets powder thrown in his eyes and can’t see who he’s beating on. Therefore Meanie has his dreams shattered. Goldust gets Pimp Dropped and pinned.

Rating: D. This was just a dumb period in the company as they were obviously booking on the fly with no real sense of direction other than in the main event. Seriously, GODFATHER as IC Champion? In what universe does that even begin to make sense? This was 5 minutes of nothing at all.

There’s talk of a primetime special on Thursday called Smackdown. More on that later.

Snow and Head are talking and apparently Head thinks he/she should be hardcore champion as head was covering Holly.

New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

Owen would pass away less than a month later and that’s just a scary thought. Winner of this gets X-Pac and Kane on Smackdown. Now don’t have a bunch of heart attacks, but the commentators are talking ABOUT DEBRA!!! How in the world did we not see this coming? I mean really, Debra is NEVER the object of conversation when she’s out there. That simply can’t happen ever can it? I mean it’s not like she’s in lingerie with a coat over it or anything like that.

Other than the nonsense of her overly curvy looks that don’t even look good like that, this wrestling here is actually decent. The Outlaws as I’ve been saying for awhile aren’t that bad in the ring. Now they’re no Harts or Bulldogs, but they’re better than they’re given credit for being.

After about 10 minutes here, it breaks into a moderately decent brawl with your ending being a double submission from the heels. Jarrett can’t get the figure four on so Gunn lands a Fameasser on Owen for the pin. Oh and Road Dogg coined the phrase Puppies a few weeks before this if you were wondering.

Rating: C+. The wrestling here really was pretty solid all around. The commentating was absolutely annoying though. I mean it was driving me absolutely crazy. Seriously, WE GET IT. There are other women with good looks that you can see without the bra on. It’s called Playboy. Anyway, the match was pretty good and I get more and more impressed by Roadie every time I watch his matches. The guy just works hard every time.

Shane and Vince say they don’t like each other. A VERY young Steph says nothing of importance.

JR mentions that Shane doesn’t want Austin to leave with the title around his neck. That makes sense in some realm of logic I guess.

Boiler Room Brawl: Big Show vs. Mankind

Now here’s your REAL hardcore match. These guys nearly kill each other and this is perfect for someone like Foley. They fought at Mania and Show nearly killed him. Now we’re putting them in Foley’s environment where Show’s size and power can be negated by some good old fashioned weapons. They just absolutely kill each other in there but there’s one spot that I can’t believe even Foley did.

Show throws him through some glass and a large piece about 3 inches long and jagged is hanging over Foley’s head. That’s just absolutely dangerous no matter who you are. I know it wasn’t intentional because Show saw it and almost immediately pulled Foley away for stomping. The big issue with this match is simple though. The original with Taker and Foley was nearly half an hour. This one is less than 8 minutes.

That’s just killing this thing. Mankind launches some hot gas at Show to blind him then just beats the living tar out of him and leaves to win. Test and Bossman beat him down but Foley fights them off.

Rating: B. This was great in the time that it had. However, at 7 minutes and 40 seconds what can you really expect? It was brutal in the time that it had but it’s begging for about 5-10 more minutes. If you give it that, you’re looking at one of the better hardcore matches I’ve ever seen. Given what it has though, this was just above average which is a shame.

HHH says he’s going to kill X-Pac. Man I hope so.

HHH vs. X–Pac

This is the fallout from Mania where we had the at least triple turn that I don’t even remember because it was just absurd and one of Russo’s “masterpieces”. Anyway, the idea here is that Pac has a bad neck and somehow the Pedigree is going to further injure him which really makes limited sense at best. Anyway, the opening is Pac going insane on HHH and just trying to hurt him in any way he can.

This part is ok but nothing special really. What are you expecting here? X-Pac just doesn’t have a huge offensive set to work with so why should he be able to make something like that work well? HHH takes over and dominates most of the match which makes sense as he was by far the more established guy and worker at the time. He dominates the majority of the match while just never being able to put Pac away.

The match slows for a rest hold but in this case that is ok as it plays into some psychology. If X-Pac’s neck is hurt, cranking on it in a chinlock is going to hurt it even more. HHH even breaks out a Dragon Sleeper. Now what do the Japanese fans think? Is this some kind of a paradox for them or something? Anyway, after a huge comeback, X-Pac misses a baseball slide and wipes out the referee who apparently can’t take a punch to save his life as he’s down for almost 5 minutes from this.

Chyna beats up Pac but Kane comes out to save his partner and it’s chokeslams a go-go. He leaves and both Continent-girl (wearing a thong) and HHH get Bronco Busters. The referee comes back in just in time for the Pedigree and the pin to end this.

Rating: A-. This is without a doubt the best X-Pac match I have ever seen. These guys gave it everything they had out there and nearly killed each other. Kane made sense out there and in the end the right guy won which pushed HHH harder while at the same time making X-Pac look better than he ever would have been on his own.

That being said, he was working his head off in this match which is more than he usually did. Very good match which had me unsure of who was going to win until the very end.

Ken Shamrock vs. Undertaker

Basically just Ministry vs. non-Ministry here. Very Satanic looking Taker here which is always creepy. This is actually an interesting idea as we hear about the Ultimate Fighting and Octagon of Shamrock. They slug it out early on as Shamrock is in trouble early on.

The fans want Ryan and I can’t blame her as she’s gorgeous to put it mildly. The announcers talking about Vince and Stephanie and Taker is awesome as the payoff was coming soon. Shamrock goes back to his game and works the leg. This is rather an interesting pairing and I’m into the concept here.

Taker gets a belly to back for two. Out of nowhere Shamrock gets a leg bar and Taker is in big trouble. Basic formula here: Taker punches Shamrock, Shamrock gets a hold, Taker gets out and punches again. Repeat this about 19 times in a row. Taker gets his leg crushed on the steps and is in big trouble here.

They slug it out and Taker hooks a drop toehold for some ground and pound of all things. Fujiwara armbar and Taker has to go for the ropes. The fans are hardly thrilled here due to this being a far different style than they were expecting. Back to the floor (is that the anthem of the Attitude Era?) and Shamrock’s back eats post.

Taker hooks on a Bow and Arrow since he wants to play UFC here I guess. I love how Taker is supposed to suddenly be able to go out there and trade submissions with a legit submission master all of a sudden when he never has before. That some off as stupid to anyone else?

Leg drop with less elevation than Hogan hits but Shamrock grabs a leg lock and more booing. And of course Taker counters that into a leg lock of his own. Well of course he does. Shamrock gets his standing rana which looks good usually and did here as well. Ankle lock goes on for a second but Taker breaks free.

Ankle lock goes on again but Bradshaw comes down with a ball bat and pops Shamrock with it. Chokeslam is countered into an armbar in a SWEET counter. Shamrock goes for a tombstone and I think you know the rest.

Rating: C-. This is a very interesting match that you either loved or hated. If you like MMA and technical stuff this was great. If you like wrestling you hated this match. Shamrock did about 80% leg work here which was fine as his finisher is an ankle hold, but seeing Taker doing that stuff never really worked for me back in the day. It’s ok but just a weird dynamic of a match.

Bradshaw beats up Shamrock afterwards. Ross says the guys went over the edge. Hmm I wonder where that could lead.

Yep, next up we have a promo for Over the Edge which is of Taker talking about being the personification of evil. That’s got to be an in joke there.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Rock has stolen the Smoking Skull belt for no apparent reason other than reminding us he’s a heel despite playing to the crowd a lot. I don’t think anyone believed that Austin was losing here but it’s a lot like his first defense against Foley: it was designed to give the heel just a glimmer of hope but also make Austin look awesome. The build up to this match was just flat out awesome.

They beat the heck out of each other and the Smoking Skull belt was the big point of it. Austin had the title made for himself just because he felt like it and Vince stole it and gave it to the Rock a few months ago. This led to the feud here as Rock called Austin out to a bridge to get it back. Austin and the belt went into the river but Rock had it instead and was going to bury it. Austin used a monster truck on Rock’s car.

While it doesn’t sound like much, this was freaking SWEET at the time. They beat the living tar out of each other and the No Holds Barred rule makes it all the better. Before the match Vince says to Steph to wait in the car. Remember that for later.

The intros here take just two minutes less than forever as all three have their own entrances (remember Shane is the referee). There’s one big reason why this is better than last month’s match: there’s almost no pressure on them. It’s not Wrestlemania, it’s Backlash. Because of that, the limelight is off of them and they can go out there and have a lot more fun. This is also much more fast paced which is a good thing here.

It lets things work far better for them as Austin’s style is one where the rules are bent a lot more. They spend a lot of time, nearly 8-10 minutes brawling on the floor which is a nice addition to the formula. Part of the set is made of chain length fence so they’re fighting on that and trying to stand is kind of a cool visual. They destroy the set during their fight which is very cool. I mean they break just about everything in it.

They go back to the ring and Austin hits a sweet looking diving clothesline from the apron to the floor. Rock Bottom through the table for your big spot of the match which is odd as there were about 5 already. Rock does his commentary during the match which is a bit that I always laughed at. It’s so cocky but so funny at the same time. Back into the crowd for a bit but not long enough that it feels like overkill.

They go through some more tables before Shane accidentally drills Rock with the belt. He refuses to count the pin and flips off Austin. Vince comes out and hits Shane in the head with the title. It truly amazes me that we didn’t get Vince vs. Shane for almost two more years. Seriously, that would have been a huge match at the time. Vince is helping Austin here by bringing in a fair referee.

This was cool as it lays the groundwork for the Higher Power angle. Anyway, Stunner ends this and after a brief celebration we cut to Steph in the car. She’s wondering why they’re not moving. The privacy screen rolls down and Taker is the driver. He says “Where to Stephanie?” and I mark out like crazy as the soap opera era was here and I ate it up with a spoon. Very great stuff here as it was so intricate and well thought out that when we got the final reveal a few months later it blew my mind.

It got to the point where Vince turned out to be the one behind the Ministry and Vince and Shane were working together all along to prevent Steve Austin from being the World Champion. That’s just flat out amazing, or at least it was at the time. Corporation and Ministry would merge on Thursday with Rock turning face to help fight them alongside Austin, but that’s a history lesson for a different time.

Rating: A. This was a war and it made Rock look much stronger. It definitely blows away the Mania match from last month but I’d still put it just a hair behind the WM 17 match and the WM 19 match. That being said, this was great. Both guys were beating the heck out of each other and with the added rules it made things even sweeter. They fit better in these kinds of matches where it’s more of a fight. Great match here that’s just flat out intense.

Overall Rating: A-. This is probably the best three hour IYH there was so I guess they saved the best for last. The true peak of the AE is coming with the Higher Power and the real soap opera stuff coming soon. The next night was one of my all time favorite scenes with the Black Wedding of Stephanie and Taker and all the faces trying to make the save until Austin ran out to JR’s screams of “HERE HE COMES!!!”

Seeing Austin ride in as the cavalry to save the daughter of his most hated rival is just awesome, plain and simple. The new era was here and it wasn’t leaving anytime soon, but sadly enough Owen Hart would, passing away a month after this. He was in the IC Title hunt again and I think would have had a run with the world title had he hung around.

Look at 2000 and how desperate they were for main event talent with guys like Big Show and an unready Kurt Angle getting the belt. You don’t think Owen could have held it for a month or so and given you quality matches? I’d certainly think so but that’s a different story. Anyway, this is a good show with the worst match being the shortest. Highly recommended.

Thank you very much for all the debates and the thoughts put into these reviews. I love doing these but at the end they just get tiring. I’ll be taking a break from the series until August 2nd when Summerslam’s countup will begin. I’ll probably throw in some random ones here or there just to tide you over and MAYBE I’ll do KOTR in July, but I doubt it. Anyway, again I appreciate you support in this and I’ll be back in August.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

To begin with, this is going to be a WWE heavy list. I only watch WWE and TNA and there’s a lot more WWE out there than TNA, so there’s a bigger selection of matches for WWE to pick from. Also I’ve always been a WWF/E guy and it’s a natural bias for me. Also this is a combination of my favorites and what I found to be the best matches of the year, so your stances on them may widely vary. Let’s get to it.

10. Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode – Destination X

This was a match where the build to the match worked better than the overall match, even though the match itself was quite good. The story behind the match was Aries cashing in the X Title to get a guaranteed world title match here. This is where things got interesting, as you had Aries as the unbeatable X Division Champion facing the longest reigning world champion in company history. The idea was simple: take two guys who are perceived as unbeatable and put them in a match. The fact that the match was great helped a lot too.

9. Big Show vs. Sheamus – Hell in a Cell

This makes the list for the simple reason of how shocking it was. By shocking, I mean people were expecting a horrible match but we got a great showdown instead. Sheamus playing the giant killer worked very well for him as he’s strong enough to be able to move Show around, but at the same time he’s small enough to make Show’s offense look good. This turned into the heavyweight slugfest, as in a match where both guys use their biggest power moves possible and the last man standing wins. Those can get very fun in a hurry, and this got excellent by the ending.

8. John Cena vs. The Rock – Wrestlemania 28

This isn’t on here for the match, but rather the buildup. Cena vs. Rock was one of the only matches ever where I knew it would be good, but no matter how good it was I absolutely had to see it. I don’t recall a match ever before where that happened other than maybe Rock vs. Austin II. The match itself is very good but I wouldn’t call it great. Cena losing is still a questionable move, but it’s not the worst decision of all time. On top of that, a match that draws a million PPV buys has to be doing something right.

7. CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan – Over the Limit

The idea here is simple: take two guys that can work almost any style and give them 25 minutes. The match was good and the fans reacted to it. I don’t have much else here because I actually don’t remember much of the match, but the ratings I have for it seem to say I really liked it, so here’s a spot for it.

6. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus – Extreme Rules

This was another war, with Sheamus’ arm being such a factor that you couldn’t tell if he was going to survive or not. This wasn’t really a rematch but rather the first match between them, as the first match is the infamous 18 seconds match. It was 2/3 falls because that’s EXTREME of course. These two beat the tar out of each other and it turned into an incredibly entertaining match. This match was also a part of the eventual Daniel Bryan anger management story, as he snapped in the first fall and kicked Sheamus long enough for a DQ. I like Sheamus a lot and this match was a good example of why.

5. James Storm vs. Bobby Roode – Lockdown

This was a bloodbath and seemingly the perfect blowoff for this feud. Naturally since this is TNA the feud continued over the summer and finally ended at Bound For Glory, but that’s another story. The majority of the match was an excellent brawl with both guys bleeding like crazy. Storm kept beating on Roode until he couldn’t take anymore, but the superkick knocked Roode out of the cage to keep the title on him. The problem of the match at the end of the day was there was no reason for Roode to keep the title here other than to extend the feud. If this was the blowoff, it likely would have cracked the top three.

4. Shield vs. HELL NO/Ryback – Tables Ladders and Chairs (TLC Match)

That’s likely high for this match but it blew my mind at TLC. This was the Shield’s debut match and to say they delivered is the understatement of the year. It was a 25 minute war between six guys that looked like they wanted to maim each other. There were some huge spots, with the biggest one being Rollins going off the huge ladder and into a pile of tables, somehow without breaking his neck.

On top of that, the psychology was excellent here. The idea behind the match was Shield pounding down one guy at a time, giving them a 3-2 advantage at any given time. This was played up for the entirety of the match and it worked very well throughout. The match was all about a (non) blood feud and it came off feeling like a war rather than a match. On top of that, the idea of it being pinfall or submission made things even better. I’m surprised I rated this so high actually.

3. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk – Wrestlemania 28

If this wasn’t on this card, it would have been the best match of the night by far. This was built upon the Punk is Drunk story with Jericho pushing the idea that Punk is an addict no matter how straightedge he is. This set Punk off, setting up a war here. Much like Wrestlemania 25 though, they decided that if the champion got disqualified, he would lose the title. In other words, we need a 22 minute wrestling match from Chris Jericho and CM Punk.

What followed was a classic, with both guys showing some insane psychology and the finish coming from Punk hooking the Anaconda Vice for the second time. Earlier in the match, Jericho had kneed Punk in the head to escape the hold, so to end the match, Punk leaned his head forward to prevent the knees. I’m a huge fan of people learning during the match and adapting to it later to win. Excellent match here.

T-1. Undertaker vs. HHH – Wrestlemania 28 (Hell in a Cell)

T-1. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena – Extreme Rules (Extreme Rules)

I tried and tried but I can’t decide between the two of these. They’re different kinds of matches but they both were home runs in what they were going for. In wrestling, there is more than kind of great story and great match to end it. These two matches were prime examples of two very different kinds of stories and we’ll look at them a bit here. We’ll start with the battle of the legends in the cage.

To begin with, when I refer to the first HHH vs. Undertaker match, I mean the one that happened in 2011, not the one from eleven years ago.

This match might have the longest buildup for a match in the modern era. Think about it. This match was legitimately built up for over three years. The Shawn matches were more or less forerunners to this match, as was the match at last year’s Wrestlemania. It helped that all three of the previous matches ranged anywhere from good to excellent. Every part of the final match was great, starting with the buildup.

The stipulation for the match was set up on an episode of Raw after HHH and Undertaker had spent a few weeks glaring at each other and cutting overly dramatic promos. At the end of the day though, a stipulation was promised. My guess was that it was going to Streak vs. career again, but in something that hasn’t happened in years, HHH offered a Hell in a Cell match at a point in the year other than the HIAC PPV.

This showed what is lacking from the HIAC PPV. As opposed to the PPV, this match felt natural and a logical progression and ending to the feud between Undertaker and HHH. On top of that, having the match come out of nowhere rather than being the inevitable conclusion makes the match feel bigger. The match fit the feud rather than the feud being made to fit the match, which you can’t get at the PPV anymore.

Now let’s get to the actual match. With Shawn as the referee, the question became could the Streak actually end. The problem with Undertaker matches at Wrestlemania is making people believe the Streak is in jeopardy. The second Shawn match and the first HHH match couldn’t get over this issue: at no point did I ever feel that the Streak was in jeopardy. The matches were good, but they didn’t hit that higher level. On the other hand, the first Shawn match and the second HHH match had me freaking out over the near falls. That’s not something that often happens, but when it does, things get awesome.

The match itself was an all out war with a ton of drama the whole way through. Between HHH massacring Undertaker with a chair and Shawn nearly stopping it to the DX finisher of a superkick into a Pedigree only getting two to Undertaker not being able to finish HHH despite using finisher after finisher. After finally finishing him with a tombstone, we got perhaps the image of the year with the three legends embracing. I’m not sure what era this ended, but it was a great way to end that era.

Now let’s move on to the next month and the other match of the year. The night after Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar returned and laid out John Cena with an F5. They brawled a few times over the next few weeks until we got to their Extreme Rules match, appropriately enough at Extreme Rules. The bell rang and the war was on.

This match was a war from the bell and was the most physical match I’ve seen in years. John Cena took one of the worst beatings I can ever remember but he stayed in the match somehow. This match was all about violence and it worked amazingly well. It was more of a fight than a match, which is something we haven’t seen in the company in years. These two beat each other up and the place was losing their minds over it.

On top of that, and I know this isn’t the most popular opinion, but this match was a testament to John Cena, as was the match the previous month’s battle with Rock. Cena has reached the point where no one on the regular roster can give him a legitimate challenge, so they had to bring in one of the biggest stars of all time and the former UFC World Heavyweight Champion. That says a lot about where Cena is on the all time greatness scale.

Overall, 2012 had some great matches, but the problem was getting between those matches. The TV shows are beyond watered down at this point as there’s too much TV going on. The good thing is that the PPV matches can be quite good, but the TV continues to get worse. Between the AJ saga and Aces and 8’s and Del Rio vs. Sheamus, these stories just go on too long. Still though, some matches were excellent and are well worth checking out again.

Tables Ladders And Chairs 2009
Date: December 13, 2009
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 15,226
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker

So here we are as I finish off this string of shows and have everything from Night of Champions 09 to whatever show is the latest when you read this review. This show is about violence as we have FOUR gimmick matches: a ladder match, a table match, a chair match and a combo platter with a TLC match. This was a pretty weak looking card on paper but I had a lot of fun with this show. That being said, let’s wrap up this string of shows and get to it.

The video is about going through all of those weapons. Oddly enough just minutes before this, we heard that chair shots to the head are no longer legal under the Wellness Policy. Talk about irony. The set is cool as there are ladders hanging from the ceiling. I like that.

ECW Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

This is the ladder match. I had almost gotten to the point of being sure that Benjamin would be winning here. Ah sweet we have the three man commentary team now. That’s a great thing to have for the PPVs. Christian gets a solid pop. Dang man there are ladders EVERYWHERE. Why in the world would you ask Lawler about his strategy for a ladder match? Actually that’s good as that’s his job.

Cole has gotten better at setting him up with softball questions which is what King is there for. This should be very awesome. The ECW Title has never changed hands in Texas. Could be because ECW didn’t go to Texas that much but whatever. We hit the floor and Christian gets the BIG ladder. And that doesn’t work so there we are. He’s in the ring with a ladder first but something tells me this isn’t how the match ends and I’m right as Shelton makes the save.

If nothing else Shelton is one of the few people that truly impresses me in the ring at times. Not a lot of people have ever been able to do that but there are times when he has my jaw hanging open. Christian is busted open and I’m pretty sure it’s legit as a ladder fell on his head. Yeah that’s legit. And here’s a guy to check on him. Oh dear. The fans chant WE WANT BLOOD. I love modern crowds. There’s a Santa in the crowd. That’s cool if nothing else.

For no apparent reason Shelton climbs a ladder on the floor. Sure why not? And it’s table time now. Apparently not as Shelton sets up a ladder between the ring and the announce table. Something tells me I know what’s coming. Nothing happens with it yet as we’re back in the ring. Shelton sets for what would be a Stinger Splash but Christian just throws the ladder at him. Simple yet effective.

Crowd is WAY behind Christian. I’m not sure if I like them going with the big ladders here or not. I think I do but I’m not sure. Shelton gets up the ladder and Christian shoves him off very slowly, but Shelton lands on the top rope on his feet. Think about that for a minute. That’s amazing. I know there isn’t much to criticize here but it’s a solid match. Yeah those ladders hanging from the ceiling look awesome. Shelton with a powerslam from the top of the ladder that looks better than it sounds.

Shelton does the Jeff Hardy spot where he hangs from the belt. I’ve always found that stupid. Why not just unhook the stupid thing? Striker wants to know that too. Spotfests are fun. In a mostly cool looking spot, Shelton does that slingshot sunset flip into a powerbomb but Christian reverses into a hurricanrana. Nicely done but slightly botched which is understandable given the move they were trying to do. And now we get to the ladder they set up as a table earlier.

Shelton is trying to hit a German Suplex to Christian through the ladder but it’s blocked and Shelton lands on it. Christian dives through it and the ladder breaks. Has NOTHING on the Hardy/Edge version. Not a thing and the crowd is clearly not as into it as they wanted them to be. It ends the match though.

Rating: B+. Total spotfest but fun. It was missing that epic spot to make it legendary though. Still though, perfect choice for the opener and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd into the show. Very entertaining match and I think I lowballed it here.

We recap DX vs. Chris Jericho from Raw where Show beat up DX with ease and Jericho ACTUALLY PINNED HHH! Oh never mind that was a different show.

Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison

McIntyre was somehow more bland here than he is now if you can believe that. He doesn’t have the sweet entrance yet either. Morrison gets the preteen girl pop. The slow-mo entrance is cool no matter what people say. Striker says it’s been 20 years since there had been a new IC Champion in Texas. That’s so wrong I don’t know where to start. We’ll ignore Rey at Mania 25 right?

Drew is dominating the early parts of the match so far which is expected. This is a far more traditional match than the previous one which comes off as a nice change of pace to me. McIntyre hits a reverse Alabama Slam. I like that. Striker calls it an Alabama Jam, which was Bobby Eaton’s top rope legdrop so that’s just wrong. We’re on the floor now as this has been a pretty decent match. Starship Pain kind of hits.

Cole and Striker actually aren’t sure if it did or not. That’s not a good sign at all. Drew’s foot is under the rope though so there you are. Striker cites the official’s handbook. I want to read that someday. Could be fun. Drew has a foreign object which makes sense for him and the double arm DDT ends Morrison’s reign.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here. I liked McIntyre more because of this match as Morrison looked good in a loss which is all you can ask of him. I like the double arm DDT as it’s Foley’s move which makes it awesome. Morrison would be in a main event in two months so what more can you ask for?

Quick question: Cole says this is his first major singles title. What’s a minor singles title?

Promo for the Slammys. That show sucked.

Vince congratulates Drew but Josh interrupts…and Vince leaves? Ok then. Drew says it was inevitable. Sheamus shows up and says that was impressive but he’s going to win too.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Mickie Jamesvs. Michelle McCool

I think the Piggy James story just started. Ah yes it has. I liked that angle actually. Michelle looks a tad off here but she still looks decent. We get the Piggy James skit too to hammer this home. Dang Layla looks good too. Lawler points out the obvious: Mickie James is hot. Michelle has crosses on her outfit and Striker says she should be in the HOF. Ok then. We get a weird staredown from the floor to the ring. It’s weirder than it sounds.

This isn’t much at all as it’s your standard TV women’s match. They say the wrong name of the Bash, calling it the Great American version of it. You ethnocentric jerks! Boring match so far. Oh great now we’re on the floor. Who would want to be on the floor with one of these two? Yeah I hate this match. All I can do is look at the women here so there we are. And Layla interferes and Michelle gets the pin. Well at least it’s over now.

She just kicked her? It was a regular kick and that’s enough to get the pin? Cole, San Antonio isn’t the 2nd biggest city in Texas. last it can we get a competent announcer? Please? Oh. Apparently it is bigger than Dallas. Well Cole still sucks so there we are.

Rating: D-. Oh this was bad. I never once cared about this match at all and at least at the time it made no sense because of the Piggy James thing. Now to be fair by the end of it Mickie won…only to lose again. This was a horrible match though that sucked beyond belief. The only perk was the women so there we are.

Recap of Cena vs. Sheamus. Sheamus won a battle royal to get this match and it was deemed a tables match. I like it and at the time I actually had this little feeling that Sheamus would do it. I never said it because I believed it was nuts. Let’s get to it though. The booking here was nothing short of brilliant.

Everything both guy said was true and I totally bought into the whole thing. Rewatching this I’m totally buying into the build for it. That’s a great sign. Cena saying he can make Sheamus a footnote is a great line.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. John Cena

Oh man I’m actually fired up for this match. That’s impressive as that hardly ever happens to me on live show let alone ones that are three months old. We see an Irish newspaper with Sheamus in it. That’s just awesome. Oh there are also tables and chairs hanging from the ceilings. That really is a cool look. There’s the little kid pop for Cena. Love it. Love him or hate him, the guy gets a reaction everywhere he goes. Can’t beat that.

It’s big match intro time which really does help things out a lot I think. It makes you feel like you’re watching something special. I’m glad they never had Lawler follow up on getting kicked. Cole says the last foreign born WWE Champion was Yokozuna. Jericho and Edge think Cole is an idiot. Sheamus goes for a table after about 2 minutes. At least he gets to the point. His back is either bleeding or bruised badly.

Either way it has some color to it now. This is the first time Sheamus has ever really been tested so that’s something to keep in mind. Cena gets the first table out but no one goes through it. Back in the ring we get a tease of Cena going through the table as he’s on the apron and Sheamus pounds on him. The drama here is so simple yet it’s great. FU through the table is blocked.

The idea here is simple: Sheamus doesn’t have to pin him or get a tap or anything like that. He has to knock him down in the right spot. That’s brilliant booking when you think about it as it’s unrealistic that Sheamus could beat Cena clean yet, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to put Cena through a table as he’s done it once before. In case you can’t tell, I like the idea of this match. FU is reversed again. This has been decent so far.

Actually it’s been more than decent as they’re fighting on the ramp now. Cena is ticked off now and it’s more interesting because of it. He’s a great character. Yeah I said it. Back in the ring and Cena has another table. I wonder how packed it is underneath that ring. There’s the pump kick from Sheamus and Cena is down. We’ve got a table in the ring now with Cena down. Make that in the corner but whatever. I’m digging this match.

Five Knuckle Shuffle hits. Sheamus throws the table out. Brilliant again. It’s not often that you see psychology in gimmick matches but that was a good bit of it there. Table in play again as you can feel the ending coming. Cena’s cardio is uncanny. It really is as they’ve been fighting almost 15 minutes and Cena is barely breathing hard.

With the table in the middle of the ring, Cena puts Sheamus on the top to set up the FU. You can feel the crowd being nervous here as Sheamus counters. Instead he goes for a suplex but it’s countered and Cena is shoved through the table and SHEAMUS WINS THE TITLE! I have never heard a crowd go that silent that fast. Love it.

Rating: A. Not for the quality of the match, but for the shock. To anyone that says Cena doesn’t put people over or that WWE doesn’t make any new stars, I give you Exhibit A. This was legit shocking and a legit upset. The Live Discussion I was in for the PPV came to a screeching halt when this happened. Great moment that did exactly what it was supposed to do. I loved this and it was a great moment. The kids being in shock is a great sight.

Cena leaves, completely shocked. He picks up a small piece of the table and slips it into his pocket and leaves to cheers, which is the name of the show I have on in the background oddly enough.

Promo for Tribute To The Troops which is just straight up cool.

Lawler tries to argue that Cena fell through rather than getting pushed which lasts all of 2 seconds.

Switchfoot did the theme song. Worst live band I’ve ever heard.

We recap Taker vs. Batista which is really just Batista’s heel turn and getting the shot through some win that meant nothing. Ok this recap is WAY too long.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

This is a chairs match, which means that chairs are legal. Holy crap what a stupid match idea that is. No one knew what it was leading up to the match as we couldn’t fathom that this was what it would be. We were wrong I guess. We immediately get to the stupidity of the rules. You can only win by pinfall or submission. Ok, cool. That means no DQ right? If you can’t lose by disqualification, that means there are no disqualifications right?

Well if that’s the case, why do chairs need to be deemed legal? If there are no disqualifications, doesn’t that mean that everything, including chairs are legal? If you can’t get disqualified then why are only chairs legal? Also, have you ever noticed that everyone Taker fights, Cole says they dominate the Undertaker like no other? In that case wouldn’t it mean they all dominate him the same? Maybe I’m thinking into this too much.

Batista belongs as a heel. That’s all there is to it. I have to say all this to kill time as both guys’ entrances take the better part of ever. Dude, someone light a fire on Taker to get him to the ring faster. It worked at Elimination Chamber so it’ll work here. Oddly enough Lawler talks about the flames on the way to the ring which is just amusing. Apparently Batista has been Taker’s toughest competition.

That would be Bret Hart who Taker never beat in a title match so there you are. Oh and remember: Batista is NOT afraid. This is BY FAR the longest intro to a match I’ve written in a long time. I like being all wordy like this again. Ok, NOW there can be countouts and DQs? Then why did the announcer say that you can only win by pinfall or submission? I hate WWE at times. That’s the nature of the beast though.

Oh apparently Batista beat Kane to be number one contender. Good to know I guess. Chairs are in play now. This is really just a no DQ match which is ok, but the chair thing is just kind of stupid when you think of it. It’s ok, but at the same time there’s just nothing special really. The ring sounds overly metallic tonight too. It’s not at the levels that The Wrestling Classic was at but it’s still loud.

There’s the spear which I think is growing on me from Batista. He’s got the size to pull it off if nothing else. Spinebuster onto a chair and Batista is WARRIORING UP! He goes for Taker but instead we get the Go Go Platypus from Taker. After some more stuff we get the most oversold low blow this side of Honky Tonk Man from Taker. And a chair shot from Batista…gives him the belt? Cue up Long. I can feel the Dusty Finish coming and there it is.

No music but he’s talking so it’s close enough. Long says pardon his interruption. Are they watching my TV or something as PTI is on now. Long of course says no title switch on the low blow. My head hurts. Restart the match. Tombstone ends it in about 30 seconds.

Rating: D. I did not like this match at all and the ending just killed it even worse than the match itself did. The rules were overly complicated and they should have gone with a chair on a pole or something match like that. This was by far and away the weakest in their usually very good series. Did not like this at all.

Naturally we get a ton of replays of what we just saw. Was Batista champion for a few seconds there? I’m not sure.

Ad for the really good Rumble from this current year.

For a change of pace, let’s recap something! This time it’s Kofi vs. Orton, which was a really good buildup to me. Also it got rid of Kofi’s stupid accent so that’s a perk. The car promo is still great. During this period, Kofi stopped being a goof and started being a credible worker. We also get the MSG Boom Drop which is awesome as all goodness still.

Kofi is in the back warming up and Legacy walks up to him. Yep this is pointless. And Kofi walks into Orton’s locker room. This is odd.

Mariachis are singing on the River Walk. That sounds like some weird code for something or other.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Randy is getting some slight pops at this point. I think I like Kofi’s weird starting stance. This feud got a decent build to it and I think this is their first full on match one on one. When I say full on I mean they had a short one on Raw that ended in a DQ which was just a few minutes long. I guess Orton has been around long enough to have a vintage. I love that snap powerslam he does if nothing else. Gah Scott Armstrong is the referee here.

I’m glad he’s gone if nothing else. In a SWEET sequence, Kofi catwalks up the steps to the apron up the buckles and then comes off the ropes with a dive to the floor but Orton hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs to block it. That was SWEET. I said SWEET twice. You could even say that was just….two….SWEET! Wow that was a bad pun. Back to the match I think. Orton kicks Kingston in the ribs a lot. Orton is getting more and more pops here and it’s odd to hear.

The pace of this match needs to pick up a bit and as I say that it begins to. Wow I have good timing. Boom Drop hits. The spin kick hits but Orton gets the ropes to a BIG reaction, so the crowd is into this at least. Out of nowhere Orton hits the elevated DDT. Wouldn’t Kofi’s hair block some of that? The Punt is blocked. Dive on the ball you idiots! Another Trouble In Paradise misses to set up the RKO for the ending.

Rating: B-. Good here but not great. Kingston looked good in losing as the whole story leading up to this was about him shedding his goofy image and it worked very well. Kingston wasn’t ready to beat Orton clean so that’s good I think. I liked it but it felt a bit flat. I think it was because this was added 6 days prior to the show so it kind of felt like filler. Still good though.

Don’t try this at home.

Batista is mad at Long and threatens him. He’s right too. Long, don’t try to act. You’re really bad at it.

Watch the awful Slammys tomorrow!

Unified Tag Titles: Degeneration X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

No recap here. Odd. Hmm let’s see. DX, the most ridiculously over tag team in the better part of ever in Shawn’s hometown main eventing a PPV that the main event is named after for titles they’ve never won. Yeah my money is on the champions too. In case you need a recap, they just don’t like each other. There’s your recap. I think I like Striker saying “In this analyst’s opinion.” It’s different if nothing else.

And now that they’re broken up, I like Jerishow’s music. This really was the only choice for the main event given the name of the show. Lawler points out the weight issues that Show is going to have with the ladder which is true. Table is brought in first. This really is a star studded main event. I think Show has the fewest world titles with what, 4-5? Or is it Shawn with 4? Either way, that’s saying a heck of a lot.

Yeah not counting the ECW Title as a world title, it’s Show with 4 and Shawn with 4 so you could go with Show ahead with the ECW Title as back then you could argue it was a world title. Even still it’s quite impressive. Naturally the first few minutes aren’t worth much but what do you expect really? HHH has a Pedigree countered on the ramp and all four of them are up there now.

Jericho and Shawn have a chair duel which is fun for a Zorro fan like me. It’s nice to see big stars get into matches like this. I like it if nothing else. The ring looks odd on an HD feed. You might notice I’m not talking about the match much but at this point there’s not much to talk about. DX suplexes a ladder onto Jericho in a cool spot. I love how they say it’s Shawn’s ladder match experience that tells him where to put the ladder.

I’d call it common sense myself but that’s just me. Shawn does a Flair Flip into HHH who is in the corner and hanging upside down from a ladder. Only in wrestling would that sound anything close to normal. In a SICK spot, HHH just throws a ladder over the top rope and hits Jericho in the head with it. Not quite to the level of Kane and Umaga with the steps but close enough I guess. It’s secondary finishers a go-go as Show is the only one left. He sets up a ladder but HHH gets him with a chair shot.

Show just shakes it off. I love that. DX stops his next attempt and hits a double Pedigree. HHH busts out a powerbomb to save the match. That’s a new one from him I think. And Show breaks the ladder. Thank you Striker for making sense of it: now DX can’t climb it. I don’t think I would have gotten that otherwise, and that’s not sarcasm. Oh wait: there’s more than one ladder, making that whole sequence TOTALLY POINTLESS.

The ladder is literally in two pieces. That’s freaking scary when you think about it since Show ripped it up by himself. In a cute spot, Jericho gets on Show’s shoulders but DX is waiting on them. Shawn gets up and kicks the defenseless Show, sending Jericho over the top rope and HEAD FIRST into a table.

That was one of the most painful looking bumps I have ever seen period. It’s a creative ending if nothing else. Now, using a little thing called common sense, HHH holds up the half of the ladder and Shawn climbs it. See why being a heel is bad now? It makes you stupid. Massive posing ends the show.

Rating: B. This was a bit weaker, but the right ending happened which is always a good sign. This sent the fans home happy and ended JeriShow’s reign properly. I’m not wild on the match itself, but it did what it was supposed to do so it gets a solid grade for it. There were some decent spots too and it’s far from a bad match, just not a great one.

OverallRating: B+. I really liked this show. I liked it a lot actually. I think I can safely call this the best of the “gimmick” shows so far as the whole night was about violence and how the gimmicks change things, such as with the Sheamus match. This had a good bit of everything in it and it came off as great to me.

The Divas match was weak but even still it had hot women and was relatively short. The Chair match is bearable I guess and Taker fans will like it. Still, 5/7 is a solid rating and I liked just about everything on this whole card. Definitely worth checking out as it’s a good show and a great ending to the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles

This is one of those shows where there’s a little bit of something good and a little bit of something bad. First the bad: there’s Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali. The good though is Batista vs. the Undertaker inside the Cell, which almost has to be almost has to be good. Other than that the card looks fine and we’ve got Shawn in a world title match which is almost guaranteed to be at least decent. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how this started twenty years ago, as you would expect it to. It also talks about the main event matches tonight, as you would expect it to as well.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk is defending and Miz and Morrison are tag champions. The tag champions of course jump at the same time because one on one, neither have a chance to beat Punk. Punk kicks the tar out of Miz’s head and gets a quick two on Morrison. Both tag champions are sent to the floor where Punk takes both of them out with a suicide dive. Back in and Punk gets caught in a double suplex after the springboard clothesline fails.

Miz and Morrison double team Punk but Miz is the first of the heels to go extra heel, dumping Morrison out to the floor. He hooks a chinlock on Punk but has to let go to knock Morrison back to the outside. Punk kicks Miz in the head but Morrison comes back in with a backbreaker to the champ (as in the ECW Champ) followed by a cobra clutch (called a Japanese sleeper by Joey Styles because he likes to sound smarter than he actually is).

Miz pulls Punk to the floor and rams him into the concrete to get us down to the tag champions fighting. Morrison sends him into the corner chest first and hits the yet to be named Starship Pain for two. Punk comes back in and ranas Morrison off the top into a powerbomb from Miz in a SWEET looking move. That only gets two but it got a BIG reaction from the crowd.

With Morrison pretty much dead, Punk kicks Miz in the face for two and hits the knee/bulldog combo for the same. Punk hits a backbreaker on Miz but Morrison grabs a rollup and trunks on the champ for two. Morrison escapes the GTS but gets knocked to the floor, allowing Punk to hit the GTS on Miz for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Other than that rana/powerbomb spot, this was only ok. Punk had to carry the whole thing, but you could see something special in Miz. It’s a little easier to see it now, but a buddy of mine said that he thought Miz would be the bigger deal because of this match. I’m not sure if I’d agree based on this match, but Miz did indeed look better than Morrison here. This was a pretty good choice for an opener, but the execution wasn’t great because Punk didn’t have enough to work with.

We recap MVP turning on Matt Hardy and taking out his knee. They had been partners for awhile before this but everyone thought MVP was evil the whole time, and this was the not very shocking turn.

MVP says that Matt won’t be competing tonight because he needs crutches to get by. That doesn’t surprise MVP, because Matt has always needed a crutch, be it either Jeff or MVP. Oh and he’s better than Matt.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Layla is WAY hotter being evil and Melina has some gorgeous hair. She also falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up. Mickie and Maria are ridiculously good looking as well.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (Tara in TNA if you’re new at this) down and it’s off to Torrie who can’t wrestle a watchable match to save her life. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two. Maria comes in, basically wearing a bikini.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight on Melina for the pin. What’s the Long Kiss Goodnight you ask? That would be every 13 year old’s dream: Mickie literally bends Melina back and kisses her before kicking her in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kissing another hot woman before kicking her in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Coach and Regal are in the back looking smug. Hornswoggle, who is Vince’s son at this point, is pacing very nervously. Remember that he faces Khali tonight.

Orton says history isn’t going to be made tonight. He’s going to beat Shawn because if Shawn uses the superkick, Shawn loses the match.

Shawn is here for revenge tonight because Orton has tried to hurt him and take his livelihood. Therefore tonight, Shawn is going to take the title.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Cade and Murdoch are defending. Rhodes is brand new at this point and spent weeks getting beaten up by Holly before Holly respected him enough to team with him. Cody and Cade start things off with the rookie getting hiptossed down. The crowd pretty much died as soon as the bell rang, which should tell you about the tag team situation at the time as these are the best Raw had for their belts.

Off to the very redneck Trevor Murdoch who chops away but gets caught in a headlock. Yeah Cody didn’t quite get anywhere as a worker for awhile. Holly comes in and is immediately beaten down by Cade. The crowd is reacting a bit so it’s not totally dead but it’s nothing special. The heels are sent into each other and fall out to the floor as Holly takes over. We actually get a HOLLY chant for the only time I can ever remember.

A rollup gets two for Hardcore and it’s off to Murdoch via a blind tag. Holly gets his head kicked off and things slow back down again. The champs tag in and out a lot before Cade picks up Murdoch to drop him down with a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock on Holly which goes nowhere so Holly suplexes Trevor down. Cade misses an elbow drop but Holly still can’t tag out.

Cade tries that dropping Murdoch into a legdrop move again but as almost always is the case, it doesn’t work this time. Warm tag brings in Cody who hits a missile dropkick on Lance for two. Holly and Cade fall to the floor and Murdoch hits the stupid cousin of a Canadian Destroyer (much more like a sunset flip than a piledriver) to retain.

Rating: C-. Another so-so match here but at the end of the day, it’s Hardcore Holly and a rookie Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. That’s only going to take you so far as the fans aren’t going to care about it for the most part. I don’t get why they didn’t change the titles here as Holly and Rhodes would get the belts in a month (and hold them for SIX MONTHS) anyway.

The announcers explain the concept of a Survivor Series match to the uninitiated. That’s something you hardly ever see anymore: a basic explanation of WHAT IS GOING ON. Sometimes you need to slow things down a bit and tell people what’s going on. If you’re flipping through the channels and see something flashy like wrestling, you’re likely to stop but if you have no idea what’s going on, you’re not likely to stay. Gorilla Monsoon was a master at doing this.

Team HHH isn’t worried about being down 5-4 coming into the match (Matt was hurt remember) but Kane says he isn’t an underdog. We recap the Katie Vick angle (HHH: “Uh…..yeah sorry about that.) and Jeff reminds HHH that he put him in the hospital. HHH is sorry about that too and says tonight they can unite in the idea of doing something terrible to someone else.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio

Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Finlay, Big Daddy V

Kennedy’s mic doesn’t work for the live intro at first so we can only hear the ending. Jeff is IC Champion and MVP is US Champion. Remember that we’re starting at 5-4 because Matt is gone. Rey and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy using a rare power advantage to take over. Kennedy pounds in the corner but gets caught in a sunset bomb before it’s off to Jeff for a BIG pop. Rey and Jeff combine for some Poetry in Motion and Kennedy is in trouble.

Scratch that trouble as Jeff runs into an elbow (JBL: “That’ll knock the purple out of your hair!”) and it’s off to MVP. MVP limps a bit which apparently is a fake injury or something. Or maybe he’s making fun of Matt Hardy. I never cared for MVP so I really don’t care. Off to the 550lb Big Daddy V who uses his big fat man offense on Jeff, before stupidly throwing Jeff to the corner for a tag to Kane.

V almost immediately belly to belly suplexes Kane down for two but Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner. A top rope clothesline puts V down again but Kane has to chokeslam Finlay. V hits a Samoan Drop and a big elbow on Kane for the upset (yeah it’s an upset) elimination. HHH comes in and hits the facebuster on the monster but gets caught by a clothesline to shift the momentum right back.

We get the match that everyone is looking forward to in HHH vs. Umaga and the fans don’t react at all. Umaga takes the Game down with a belly to belly of his own and a headbutt has HHH in trouble. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey pounds away but almost immediately gets knocked down by the other monster. Mysterio goes after the leg but a rana is just a bad idea. Actually it is as he swings Umaga into the 619, followed by a springboard seated senton for two. Umaga is like BIG SAMOAN SCREAM and hits a spinning release Rock Bottom and the Spike to eliminate Rey.

So it’s all five villains vs. Jeff and HHH, and it’s not that the two superheroes are likely to run through all five and win or anything like that of course. Jeff vs. Kennedy starts things off and Hardy is in trouble quickly. I don’t think Jeff really gets going until he looks like he’s been thrown out of a building though. Jeff comes back with a dropkick but the slingshot dropkick in the corner misses due to an MVP assist. Cole talks about how that’s the second time MVP has caused that move to miss in three days. JBL: “Maybe MVP is just smarter than the Hardys.” I love it when JBL cuts Cole off at the knees. No one does it better.

Off to MVP who hooks a chinlock on Jeff which goes on for awhile. Jeff fights up but gets gets caught in a fireman’s carry drop. MVP starts talking trash to the fans and walks into a Twist of Fate to make it 4-2. Kennedy is in next and walks into an enziguri, which allows for the tag off to HHH. A high knee sets up a clothesline for two for HHH followed by a spinebsuter. HHH sees the human whale known as Big Daddy V coming and avoids an elbow which crushes Kennedy and allows HHH to make it 3-2.

V gets both superheroes on the floor and crushes Hardy against the post which probably put Jeff on the harder stuff for a few days. What the harder stuff for Jeff is I’m not sure but it has to be illegal. Back in the ring HHH and Hardy avoid a charge in the corner and hit a double DDT on V for the elimination. I’ve always wondered how basic moves when a monster is fresh is enough to eliminate them. These guys have no stamina at all.

It’s HHH/Jeff vs. Finlay/Umaga if you’re keeping track. Finaly comes in and pounds away on HHH while JBL talks about how great Finlay is. Does anyone ever have a bad thing to say about this guy? Here’s something bad to say about him: he does the stupidest looking spot in wrestling where he goes the middle rope and jumps into a boot in a move that is only designed for him to jump into a boot.

Hot tag brings in Jeff for a hard (and appropriate) Irish whip into the corner and the slingshot dropkick for two. Jeff goes to the apron and is immediately drilled by Umaga to give the evil foreigners control again. Finlay whips Jeff into the corner but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. A mule kick staggers Umaga and there’s the hot tag to HHH to meet Finlay. The high knee puts Finlay down and there’s a spinebuster to follow it up.

The Pedigree is loaded up but Umaga kicks HHH’s head off (there must be a great surgeon in WWE for all the times that happens) to break it up. The Celtic Cross (White Noise. It’s an Irish thing) is escaped and there’s the Pedigree to make it 2-1. Umaga DESTROYS HHH in the corner but the running attack misses by a mile. Pedigree, Swanton, we’re done.

Rating: B-. The match was pretty fun stuff but once we got down to 5-2, it was a matter of guessing what order the five were going out in rather than who was going to win. That being said, it’s probably the right move as HHH would move on from Umaga after this and take to feud with Orton. That feud would follow Hardy vs. Orton at the Rumble, so this was definitely a launching pad for the two survivors back to the main event.

Buy Smackdown vs. Raw! For some reason when they do the HIAC on the game as you would expect them to, Batista has a Smackdown tag title, a title he hadn’t held in almost two years, instead of the world title he currently held.

Shaquille O’Neal is here.

Hornswoggle is still nervous in the back. Tonight’s match is another of those tough love things from Vince. Speaking of the boss, he comes in and Hornswoggle immediately hugs his leg. This is one of those things that I think WWE missed about Horny: he acts like a child. HE HAS A FULL BEARD! THE GUY IS IN HIS TWENTIES! HORNSWOGGLE IS NOT A CHIL……why am I annoyed by this? It’s Horswoggle. Vince says he made this match because Horny is a McMahon and therefore has to rise to the occasion. He compares this to his battles with Turner and the US government. Vince gives him a pep talk and Horny is ready.

Here’s Shane McMahon to the arena, rocking a suit. Shane introduces Vince and apparently they’ll be in the corner of Horny tonight. Well that’s nice of them. JBL says this is going to be Biblical. Cole: “This isn’t the Bible.” Vince isn’t in his headset either. That’s the natural reaction that Cole has. Why does he get to keep his job for so long?

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want. Now there’s a shoot if there’s ever been one. Horny takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. Horny kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE!

Horny dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn. This ran over three minutes but it doesn’t deserve to be rated. At least this did serve a purpose though, so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

Watch this DVD about Taker being 15-0! I guarantee you it won’t be out of date in about six months or so!

Alfonso Soriano, a baseball player, is here.

We recap Shawn vs. Orton. Shawn had the title won in a previous match but Orton intentionally got himself disqualified and then Punted Shawn to the shelf for a few months. Shawn admitted he wanted revenge but Vince banned the superkick for no apparent reason other than being evil.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, if Orton gets DQ’ed the title changes, Shawn can get no more shots if he loses, and if Shawn attempts to use the Superkick, he loses the match. Got all that? Shawn almost immediately goes to the cravate and Orton spends nearly two minutes trying to fight out of it. Now that’s a (European) headlock. Orton escapes in the corner and Shawn raises his leg for the kick but the referee says that wasn’t an attempt. It’s going to be one of those referees I guess.

Orton drops down as Shawn runs the ropes so Shawn gets on Randy’s back and chokes away. The hold switches to a front facelock as they’re spending a lot of time in holds so far. Randy finally gets to the floor where Shawn fakes diving over the top so he can dropkick him through the ropes before faking ANOTHER dive and hitting an Asai Moonsault in a good sequence. Back in and Orton rolls through a crossbody for two before hitting an uppercut to take over.

Shawn fights up and throws on the required Sharpshooter and Orton finally makes the rope. I know when holds go on I’m not very descriptive, but what is there to say? You know what the hold looks like and it’s really hard to convey the drama of someone crawling to the ropes. Orton comes back with a thumb to the eye and snaps Shawn across the top rope to take over. The Elevated DDT hits for two. I didn’t remember Randy doing that move back then.

It’s off to a chinlock by Orton as the hold marathon continues. It’s not boring or bad but it’s a very different way of going about a match. Shawn fights back but walks into a dropkick for two. Shawn catches another dropkick in mid air and slams Randy down a few times before hitting the top rope elbow for two. By instinct, Shawn tunes up the band but he fakes Orton out by making him duck and grabs a rollup for two. Brilliant psychology there.

In a move I was shocked to see at the time, Shawn puts on a Crossface. Remember that this is just five months after Benoit, so that’s not a move you would have expected to see here. Orton finally gets a leg over the rope and Shawn looks spent from that not working. He tries the hold again but Randy clotheslines his head off for two. Orton hits the backbreaker and loads up the same Punt which kept Shawn out for five months.

Randy gets a running start but Shawn grabs an ankle lock with a grapevine to make Orton scream. Orton uses the good leg to kick Shawn away and break the hold. Why don’t more people do that to angle? Michaels tries the Figure Four but Orton kicks him into the post. Shawn pulls up the foot for the kick but since he has to stop, Orton hits the RKO for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. I was digging the psychology here as Shawn had to come up with all kinds of ways to beat Orton instead of the RKO. It says a lot about Shawn that the only way they could have Orton be able to hang in a fight with him was to take away Shawn’s big move. Orton would hold the title for another five months or so until HHH (of course) took it away from him.

Orton demands that Shawn say Orton is the future but Shawn is pretty out of it. There’s the superkick we were waiting on.

Cole is talking about the main event and SAVE US. For those of you unfamiliar, this was a series of videos that popped up at random on shows with what looked like the Matrix announcing that someone was coming to SAVE US. It would be revealed tomorrow night that it was the return of Chris Jericho.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker. Batista lost the belt to Undertaker at Wrestlemania and they feuded for the title on a few PPVs. After a cage match on Smackdown, Edge cashed in the MITB contract and won the title from Undertaker. Later, Edge was hurt and had to vacate the belt, which was won by Khali. Batista eventually beat Khali for the belt and Taker came back to challenge him for it.

They fought at Cyber Sunday with Batista winning, which made them 1-1 with a few draws. Taker wanted one more match and Batista was perfectly cool with that, but Taker wanted it in the Cell. See how that worked? It was a natural progression with the Cell being the FINAL match between them (one on one at least). That’s a logical progression that you rarely get anymore. This was an excellent feud which won Feud of the Year from Meltzer. I can’t argue with that at all as it was great.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Big Dave is defending. Taker charges to start and is caught in a headlock before getting run over by Big Dave. Taker shrugs it off and tries an early chokeslam but Batista fights out of it. This is one of those feuds where you don’t bother with the basic stuff and go with the big power moves because that’s all that’s going to have any effect. Taker clotheslines him down and pounds away in the corner. We’re still in the early going here so this doesn’t mean a lot yet.

The Snake Eyes and Big Boot get two for Taker and it’s chair time. Batista hits a BIG spear to take Undertaker down and gets the chair. That goes badly for the champ as Taker kicks the chair back into his face and gets two off a clothesline. They head outside and Taker keeps control with a solid shot into the steps. Batista gets raked against the Cell and there’s the legdrop on the apron.

To stay on the throat, Taker puts the chair over Batista’s throat and slams the bottom of the chair into the steps. The champ is bleeding from the mouth now. Back in and Taker covers by driving a forearm into the throat. Taker is kind of the heel in this match I think, which says A LOT about how over Batista was here. Back in Taker loads up Old School but Batista catches him in the spinebuster in a cool counter.

They slug it out and Batista takes over with a clothesline that gets two. Batista hits a powerslam and takes it back to the floor. They’ve done a solid job here of having both guys dominate for a long stretch which usually works well for a big time match. Taker whips Batista into the Cell to take over again so maybe what I just said is nonsense. Batista gets rammed head first into the Cell and things are starting to pick up.

A chair shot keeps Batista down and the champ is cut open on the forehead. Batista blocks Old School again and hits a superplex to put both guys down. As Big Dave is crawling over to Taker, the Dead Man tries the Hell’s Gate (triangle choke) but it’s not on full. Batista makes the rope and heads to the floor for a breather. Has Batista never watched a big time Taker match? He deserves the Taker Dive that he gets.

Taker picks up the steps and tries to ram Batista with them, but Batista pulls himself up using the cage and kicks them back into Taker’s face. Batista picks up the steps and just rams Taker in the head with them four or five times, busting the Dead Man open. Back in and Batista does the stupid thing of punching Taker in the corner and gets a Last Ride for his efforts. That only gets two and the pop isn’t huge from the crowd. They know we’re getting A LOT of finishers before a pin here.

There’s a chokeslam but it only gets two. The Tombstone is countered into a spinebuster for two and there’s another spinebuster for good measure. It’s table time and Batista easily powerbombs him through it….for two. There’s the pop from the crowd on the kickout that we were looking for. Now the Animal loads up the steps but Taker backdrops him onto said steps for two. The Tombstone hits….for two. If my memory is right, Batista and Shawn are the only two people to take all three of Taker’s finishers and kick out of all three. Batista might have done it more than once but I’m not sure.

Taker KILLS Batista with a Tombstone on the steps but at two, someone pulls the referee out of the ring. It’s the returning Edge, who I presume was hiding under the ring. He steals a camera and clocks Taker with it before hitting a Conchairto on the steps. Batista has no idea this is going on after the Tombstone. Edge pulls the champ on top and the pin is pretty much academic.

Rating: B+. This was very good but it never quite got to that level that they were hoping for it to I don’t think. The problem is this was match was based on respect instead of hatred which takes a lot out of a match like this. Edge would win the title in a triple threat next month and eventually lose it to Taker at Wrestlemania.

After the Cell is raised, Edge beats on Taker some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a nice surprise. The tag title match is some uninspired stuff but other than that (ignoring the non-match between Khali and Horny) there’s nothing bad on here at all. The Divas match is what it is and if the worst thing I have to do is look at Kelly Kelly and Maria in barely there shorts for five minutes, I’ve got a good show on my hands. The big matches delivered and the other matches aren’t bad so this is a solid show all around and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Original: B-

Redo: C

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

Original: D

Redo: D

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Original: D

Redo: C-

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: B

Batista vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

The main thing I’ve learned about myself from these redos is that I was a lot looser with my grades back then. The redo grades here are a lot more toned down and it’s a bit harder to please me now.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/16/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2007-batista-vs-undertaker-in-the-cell/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Word on the street is that Vince has finally caught up to reality and is realizing that the themed PPVs don’t add much.  So what does this mean?This can only be a good thing.  At the end of the day, there’s almost no reason to follow a calendar instead of following the logical progression of the stories.  Look at Taker vs. HHH when the Cell was announced.  It came out of nowhere and it worked really well.  It wasn’t what I was expecting but it also made sense while also making me want to see the match.  That’s a great thing which you can’t get with the themed shows happening at the same time every year.  Good call on this.

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 27, 2000
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re approaching Armageddon here and we’re just past Survivor Series. Angle is world champion at the moment but I don’t think his opponent has been announced for the next PPV yet. The main event tonight is Angle vs. Austin in I believe a non-title match. Austin isn’t quite yet back to his levels before he took the year off for neck surgery, so it’s hard to say what to expect here. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from Smackdown of Austin snapping and beating up everyone in sight.

Here’s Angle to open the show in full warmup gear. He talks about how he’s amazing and all, but he doesn’t like having to look over his shoulder every time he performs. Angle says wrestling is the only profession where someone can assault you on the job and not get in trouble but be praised! Kurt talks about Taker, HHH and Austin attacking people and how it’s just another day at the office. He’s had it because he’s a wrestler and not a sports entertainer. This is goofy Kurt still, so this isn’t a big shoot or anything.

We’re thirteen days away from a show called Armageddon and if these acts of violence don’t end, he’s taking the title and going home. Here are Commissioner Foley and Lieutenant Commissioner Debra who aren’t cool with that. Foley talks about how Stephanie keeps interfering in Kurt’s matches but Kurt says that makes no difference while insulting Iowans’ intelligence.

Mick says Stephanie and HHH aren’t expected to be here tonight due to some travel issues. There’s going to be a world title match at Armageddon if Angle is still champion. It’s Rock vs. Rikishi for the title shot, but that’s not all. Also, Angle has to defend against someone to be announced later.

Rock arrives.

Edge and Christian talk about how the year 2000 is a vintage year for sodas when Angle comes in. Edge: “You totally presented arguments and backed them up with logic and reasoning!” Edge and Angle try to figure out who Kurt is facing tonight when Christian sees Taker arriving on a monitor. Edge: “Holy rematches Kurt!”

Trish Stratus/T&A vs. Hollies

All three of the Holly cousins here. The girls start with Trish firing off some kicks to start. Molly fights back with chops to the ample target of Trish’s chest. Trish brings in Test to face Hardcore in an ECW preview. Test pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a top rope cross body for two. Off to Crash for a missile dropkick (and a POP) for two but Test pounds him about the head and shoulders.

The future Tensai comes in and hits a delayed butterfly suplex for two. Crash gets to play Ricky Morton a bit and we get his usual good selling. A jawbreaker allows the tag to Hardcore who kicks Albert low to take over. Well when all else fails I guess. Everything breaks down and Molly hits a flip dive off the apron to take Trish down. Hardcore ducks the big boot of Test so that it knocks out Albert and a dropkick gets the pin on the big bald guy.

Rating: D+. The Hollies were a decent midcard act and putting the over a team like this was fine. It helped that Molly had this great cuteness to her and she was poured into the tops she wore. Trish was just a gorgeous blonde at this point that didn’t have any skills in the ring at all but she would get better.

Angle sucks up to Kane (“You’re welcome over for Christmas!”) and asks to talk about something related to Taker. Kane goes with Kurt.

Rock is going to be on some TV show.

Rikishi says he deserves the title shot and that he’ll take out Rock tonight once and for all.

Taker is tuning up his bike when Kane jumps him and the brawl is on. Angle/Edge/Christian are watching on a monitor and seem very pleased.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Billy beat Eddie on Smackdown to win the title and this is the rematch. Eddie starts fast but gets caught in the corner and punched in the face. A clothesline gets two for Gunn but a charge in the corner misses Eddie. Guerrero chokes away in the corner and we head to the outside. Gunn holds his back and we head back in for a belly to back suplex for two from Eddie.

Billy gets rammed into the buckle a few times and it’s all Eddie so far. The champ comes back with a powerslam for two but Eddie dropkicks him in the face to shift momentum right back. Eddie goes up top but gets superplexed right back down to put both guys on the mat. Back up and Gunn hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two but here’s Saturn with a distraction that gets two for Eddie. Malenko comes in and blasts Billy in the back but Billy hits a quick cobra clutch slam on Eddie to retain.

Rating: C-. This was short and not great, but they certainly put Billy over strong. It’s not that it mattered much as Benoit would win the title soon, but for the time it was a good rub for him. I’m not sure why they kept pushing Billy as the guy just didn’t work in singles matches, but at least they were trying I guess.

The Radicalz come in for a four on one beatdown on Gunn post match. Benoit would get the title in a few weeks.

During the break, Taker talked to Foley and gets a match with Kane tonight.

Here’s Angle to watch the #1 contenders match.

Rikishi vs. The Rock

Rock won the first match between these two at Survivor Series. Rock pounds away to start and takes the fat guy down with a clothesline. A Samoan Drop gets two and Rock keeps hammering away. Rikishi gets in some shots but Rock punches him right back down. The guy in the thong hits a belly to belly suplex but Rock puts him down with a spinebuster to set up the Sharpshooter but Angle runs in for the DQ. Nothing match here that was all about the run-in ending. Rock wins by DQ if that’s not clear.

Dean Malenko is hitting on Lita but gets turned down, so The Radicalz ram a door onto Lita and the Hardys gets in a brawl with them as a result. The Hardys get left laying due to the numbers game.

Undertaker vs. Kane

It’s a big brawl to start of course with Kane taking over early on. Taker comes back with a big boot and a clothesline for two. A side slam gets two for Kane and we head to the floor. Taker rams his brother into the barricade to slow him down but back in, Kane stomps away to gain control again. Actually scratch that as Taker hits a chokeslam but Edge and Christian run in for the lame DQ before Taker can load up the Last Ride.

Rating: D. What are you expecting from a Kane vs. Undertaker match in a four minute match with a run-in ending? These two didn’t really work that well when Taker was a biker, and when you consider how bad their matches got when he was the Dead Man, that should tell you a lot about how bad things got.

Angle runs in as well to make it a big four on one beatdown.

Post break Foley yells at Angle for being a coward, but Angle says he did what he has to do to keep the title. Foley says the title is on the line tonight and if Edge and Christian interfere, they’re gone for 90 days. Angle’s opponent: Steve Austin.

K-Kwik/Road Dogg vs. Steven Richards/Val Venis

Kwik is more famous as R-Truth, so I’ll be referring to him as Truth for the sake of my own simplicity. Richards says he and the RTC will keep doing things until people see things their way. Dogg and Truth take over in a hurry with the RTC being sent to the floor. Truth gets thrown on top of all of them with Lawler being glad that Ivory may have hurt her ankle. It’s Venis vs. Dogg to start with Roadie taking over. Back to Truth who shouts at the crowd and punches a lot.

Back to Road Dogg to face Richards with the guy in a tie hitting a suplex for two. Both Richards and Roadie try cross bodies and both guys go down in a heap. It’s a double tag and the advantage goes to Truth, meaning it’s time to dance. Everything breaks down and the RTC gets sent into each other. Truth’s piledriver is countered into a sitout Alabama Slam by Val which gets two, so Richards loads up Truth in a superplex. Since this is the WWF and not ECW, Richards gets countered into a sitout gordbuster for the pin for Truth.

Rating: D+. Not much here but Truth and Dogg never were anything special. The rapping thing was an attempt to get Road Dogg away from the Outlaws, which makes little sense when you remember how much rhyming he did in his Outlaws intros. The RTC was a solid midcard stable, especially considering they were a parody of the real life PTC.

Foley is outside getting a breath of air when Debra comes out to tell him it’s cold. Tiger Ali Singh, basically the original Jinder Mahal, comes up with Low Down and says they should be allowed inside. Tonight it’s Singh vs. Steve Blackman for the Hardcore Title, which makes scares Singh.

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Hardy Boys/Chris Jericho

Jericho is a mystery partner. It’s a big brawl to start with Benoit and Jericho fighting on the floor. We get the classic one heel falls onto the other heel’s balls with Dean falling on Saturn, followed by Poetry in Motion to Malenko. Things finally settle down and it’s Jeff vs. Dean to start things off. This is when Dean was a ladies’ man which never worked at all. Off to Benoit with the Radicalz in control.

Jeff grabs a sunset flip out of the corner on Benoit for two but it’s quickly back to Saturn for more of a beating. The Radicalz take turns on Jeff’s leg and make a lot of quick tags. Saturn cannonballs down on the leg but Jeff mule kicks Dean away. Hot tag brings in Jericho who cleans house. Everything breaks down and Jeff dives onto everything out Dean and Jericho on the floor. In the ring it’s the Liontamer on Malenko for the submission.

Rating: C. Just a six man here but it would put Jericho in the feud against the Radicalz which resulted in Jericho vs. Benoit at the Rumble in an awesome ladder match. The Hardys and the other two Radicalz didn’t mean much here but they filled in spots as well as anyone else would have.

Post match Eddie runs in and it’s a big Radicalz beatdown.

Edge and Christian give Angle a pep talk.

Hardcore Title: Tiger Ali Singh vs. Steve Blackman

Singh is in a suit here and is challenging. Tiger runs to the floor before the bell rings so Blackman beats him up out there. We head into the ring and Tiger gets beaten up even more. There’s a trashcan lid to Tiger’s head and a bulldog onto the same lid. Blackman gets his signature sticks but Tiger hides in the corner. The hiding only works for awhile and the beating continues. Blackman rips off the turban and a top rope kendo stick shot ends this massacre. Tiger literally had zero offense.

Rating: D. I don’t know what the point of this was but at least it wasn’t that long. Blackman finally found something he was good at in the Hardcore stuff, but other than that guy was nothing interesting at all. Singh was a guy that was always around but never did anything and I have no idea why he had a job for as long as he did.

Edge and Christian say they’ll be there for Kurt as soon as the match ends. Rock comes in and fights the Canadians until Foley breaks it up. Edge and Christian get ejected from the arena.

WWF World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Angle is defending of course. Angle immediately takes it to the mat and Austin is frustrated. Kurt heads to the floor and shows off the medals a bit. I love goofy Kurt as only he would try to tick Austin off even more. Back in and Steve takes it to the mat with a headlock to slow things up. Angle fights up and tries a leapfrog but gets caught in the headlock one more time.

They run the ropes a bit and Kurt hooks a front facelock as the fans are chanting something pro-Austin. Austin busts out a freaking fireman’s carry and drops some knees to take over again. Angle takes it right back to the mat and hooks a backslide for two. Kurt’s belly to belly is broken up by right hands but Angle sends him to the floor. Austin rams him into the table and we head back inside. This is a very different kind of match but it’s working quite well.

Angle hooks a suplex for two and now he’s getting frustrated. Austin hooks a sleeper but Angle sends him to the floor to escape. Back in and it’s an abdominal stretch for the champion and he has the toe hooked. Gorilla Monsoon smiles on you Angle. After Kurt gets caught escaping the ropes, Austin rams Angle face first into the buckle a few times. Back to the floor they go and nothing of note happens there, so we head back in for the Thesz press. Here comes Stephanie trying to look intimidating but Austin flips her off instead. Kurt grabs a rollup for two but Austin hits the Stunner….and here’s HHH for the DQ.

Rating: B. This was a very old school style match but it worked really well. Austin’s technical abilities are often forgotten because he’s a legendary brawler, but he could certainly hold his own on a mat. Using a lot of holds here was a nice change of pace instead of these two punching each other for ten minutes. Having HHH show up after being dropped in a car off a forklift eight days ago was stupid back then and it’s stupid now too, but that’s the WWF for you.

HHH beats on Austin even more and stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was pretty exhausting. All of these short matches didn’t do anything for me other than maybe the six man. Aside from that it was stuff setting up for later, which is ok but it gets annoying for two hours. The main event is good and I’m assuming that’s why this was requested, but other than that there’s nothing to see here at all.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 22, 1997
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 14,615
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

This is yet another request but in this case there’s at least a great match on here. We’ve got HHH vs. Cactus Jack in a street fight which is considered one of the better hardcore matches of all time. They would go on to have one of the best matches of all time period in the same arena in about two years and three months, so this is pretty much an appetizer for that. Also there’s something happening for the first time ever here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the history of the WWF in Madison Square Garden. According to this, Gorilla vs. Sammartino sold the place out SEVENTEEN STRAIGHT TIMES. That’s NUTS. Really cool video here.

Intercontinental Title Tournament First Round: Rocky Maivia vs. Ahmed Johnson

He isn’t quite the Rock yet. Commissioner Slaughter comes out behind the Nation to make sure there are no shenanigans. The winner of this gets Farrooq next week in the semi-finals. Johnson knocks Rock to the floor and launches him to the corner via a choke. Maivia finally gets a breather and hits that spinning DDT of his for two. Captain Lou Albano wanders out and takes some notes. Ahmed runs over Rocky again but gets thrown to the floor by Rocky.

Rock, being the ham that he is, does Ahmed’s pose which would be a bit more intimidating if Rocky’s trunks weren’t a bit bejeweled. Ahmed gets whipped into the steps and his hand is sliced open. That may have been an old wound that just got exacerbated here. Rocky keeps pounding away but gets caught in a spinebuster by the original Ezekiel Jackson. They both hit shoulder blocks at the same time and go down as the fans boo. Back up and Ahmed easily hits the Pearl River Plunge (tiger driver) for the pin to advance.

Rating: D+. Nothing much here but I was always a fan of Johnson’s. The guy was a monster who was allegedly going to win the WWF Title but he couldn’t stay healthy. Granted with him not around things wound up going pretty well with the whole Border War thing so it’s hard to complain much. Rocky would get a lot better as I’m sure you guessed.

Here’s Austin and the place ERUPTS. He’s up in the crowd and promises to beat someone up tonight. That’s it. It didn’t take twenty minutes. He didn’t have to cut some big promo. It took a minute and we know that he’s going to go after someone. LEARN THIS WWE!

We get a stupid commercial for a lazer tag thing with Sable on a secret mission or something.

Floyd Patterson is here. Look him up rookies.

We recap Shawn winning the European Title from Bulldog at One Night Only in England, which was pretty much Shawn pulling a political move and taking the title which he didn’t need from Bulldog because he could and wanted to stick it to the Hart Family.

Speaking of Shawn, his next major match is inside something called Hell In A Cell. Here’s his opponent for that: the Undertaker. This was an awesome and perfectly done feud as Shawn was guest referee back at Summerslam and accidentally hit Taker in the head with a chair, costing him the world title to Bret. Taker wanted revenge but Shawn kept running. The solution? Lock them inside Hell. Vince conducts the interview and says the winner of the match gets Bret at Survivor Series.

Taker says that he can never rest in peace, which is bad for Shawn. He’ll enjoy watching Shawn burn though. Cue Shawn who says that he thinks the WWF is trying to give Shawn the shaft. He talks about being put in a no win situation again and that’s not cool with Shawn. He’s won every title there is in the company, and therefore he doesn’t lay down for anyone. Michaels is going to be ready and all Taker has to do is show up.

Sunny comes out to be ring announcer.

Legion of Doom vs. Farrooq/Kama Mustafa

During the LOD’s entrance, we get what can only be described as a bizarre scene from FOX News Now with the LOD in full gear doing a weather forecast. Animal and Kama start things off and trade power moves until Animal hits a powerslam to take over. Off to Hawk vs. Farrooq and it’s more trading of the power moves. Back to Kama so Hawk can hit his jumping fist drop. Everything breaks down and the LOD both hit clotheslines on Farrooq in the corner. They load up the Doomsday Device but the rest of the Nation runs in for the DQ.

Johnson tries to make the save but the Nation is too big so the referees have to break it up.

We get a classic moment of Snuka’s cage dive.

Intercontinental Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Owen Hart vs. Brian Pillman

Owen has a restraining order against Austin so he comes out with a big group of security guards. Pillman has possession of Terri here and has her all sexed up. In this case, that’s a GOOD thing. Her as a reluctant woman here is a good look for her and the story was supposed to be that Terri was going to leave Dustin for Pillman, but Pillman would be dead in 13 days. Pillman claims to have broken his arm while changing positions with Marlena (Terri) last night so he has to forfeit.

Slaughter comes out and says he knows nothing about a broken arm and hasn’t seen an x-ray or heard anything from a doctor. He throws the mic to Pillman and Brian catches it with the arm in a sling, so the match is on. Both guys keep over dramatically breaking in the corner and going at about 1/3 of their usual speed as we take a break. During the break, Marlena apparently hit Owen with her purse and things got a bit more intense. Pillman gets two off a clothesline and they collide when both try cross bodies….and here’s Goldust for the DQ. Too short to rate but Goldust hit Owen so he’s in the finals.

Post match Austin charges in and attacks Owen. Vince says don’t arrest Austin and gets in the ring to yell. Vince tells Austin that people care about him and that he needs to go with it. Austin gets the mic and cuts a pretty famous promo, saying that he’s the best in the world and there’s nothing Vince can do about it. Vince has told Austin to work within the system, but Austin wants nothing to do with the system and for the first time ever, Austin hits the Stunner on Vince, launching perhaps the greatest feud in company history.

Bulldog Bob Brower, a legendary wrestler in Kansas City, died over the weekend.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Dude Love

This is falls count anywhere, which means hardcore for all intents and purposes. HHH wraps a chain around his hand but Dude pops up on the monitor. Love says that the pinfalls in the hot dog stands aren’t his thing, but he knows someone that does dig them, and he brings in Mankind to talk to him. Mankind says he isn’t up for this, so here’s Cactus Jack. They’re all on the same screen at the same time talking to each other, which is some awesome trick photography. The end result is this.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Cactus Jack

MSG, in a word, explodes as this is the first time ever that Cactus has been in the WWF. The ECW chant starts and Cactus hits HHH with a trashcan and a swinging neckbreaker on the concrete for two. Cactus pounds away some more but Chyna hits him in the back and clotheslines him into the crowd. HHH and Cactus brawl into the back and the camera follows them through the curtain. Notice how much more realistic this makes things, as there’s no camera waiting there for them.

HHH rams Cactus into a wall for two and heads back into the arena, but Cactus pulls out a fire extinguisher and blasts HHH into the barricade. The railing is broken down and they head into the ring only to send HHH over the corner and back out to the floor. Cactus tries the elbow off the apron but hits the trashcan from the beginning. Chyna sends him into the steps and we take a break.

Back with HHH beating Jack with a mop and snapping his neck over the ropes to send Jack to the floor. They both head to the apron and Cactus kicks HHH low to send him to the floor. There’s Cactus’ old running sunset flip off the apron for two. Chyna hits Cactus with a chair and gets glared at, but HHH shoves Cactus into Chyna (not knowing she’s there), crushing Chyna against the steps.

The guys fight up the ramp and HHH hits a suplex on the steel for two. HHH finds another trashcan to blast Jack in the head with and there’s a snow shovel for more shots to Jack’s back. The fans want a table but they get HHH slamming Cactus’ head off the steel instead. NOW we get a table, but it’s more like a slab of wood on legs. It’s bending as they get on it and a low blow breaks up the Pedigree. Cactus hits the pulling piledriver through the table and pins HHH to a BIG pop.

Rating: A. This is the match that basically introduced the WWF to hardcore wrestling and the relationship worked well for the next….oh five years or so, with these kind of matches almost always being around in one form or another. On top of that, it was AWESOME with Cactus going insane and HHH channeling the inner evil that would define his character for years to come. This would also be blown away by the same match in the same building in January of 2000. Also note that JR sold this like a war was going on, which you never get anymore.

Video on some sweepstakes.

Andre the Giant slammed Big John Studd at the first Wrestlemania.

We look at the Stunner again. I know it looks bad, but that makes it better as Vince shouldn’t know how to take a move because he’s an announcer/owner.

More stills from One Night Only with Shawn beating Bulldog.

Here’s Shawn with the chair that started everything with Undertaker. Shawn says he’s going to tell us a story about how he became the first and only Grand Slam Champion. Oh cool I love stories about backstage politics. That has to wait though because Shawn wants Undertaker out here right now first. We take a break and come back with no Taker. Taker finally comes out and is immediately blasted from behind by HHH, allowing Shawn to hit Taker with the chair again. Rude joins in and it’s a big beatdown along with Chyna. Taker shrugs it off and chases them off with the chair. The Cell sounds good right about now.

Bret Hart vs. Goldust

Non-title even though Bret is WWF Champion. Before the match, Bret says he doesn’t care who wins in the Cell because he’s not afraid of Taker and he wants to get his hands on Shawn. Goldust is all ticked off because of Pillman and pounds Bret into the corner to start. A clothesline gets two for Goldie but Bret grabs the arm and kicks at Goldust’s leg. Goldust comes back with a rake to the eyes and a slap to the face, but Bret takes the leg out again and goes to work on it as only he can. Or Ric Flair too but this is New York so most people don’t care.

Bret flips off a fan and bends Goldust’s leg around the rope. He snaps the leg over and puts the Figure Four on around the post. Referee: “LET HIM GO!” Bret: “WHY?” Shawn pops up on the ramp and we take a break. Back with Bret working over the leg even more with some punches to the knee. Goldust comes back with a suplex as Shawn is conducting the crowds’ chants about Bret.

They slug it out (Bret and Goldust, not Shawn and the fans) but Bret goes right back to the leg and cannonballs down onto it. Goldie kicks Bret over the top and we head to the floor for more brawling. Bret gets sent into the steps and back inside the bulldog gets two, but Goldust charges into a knee in the corner. The Sharpshooter ends this quick.

Rating: C+. This was one of those matches where you knew who was going to win all along, but they at least had some energy out there. This was around the last time that Bret would ever be motivated in his career, as once he hit WCW it was clear that he didn’t care anymore at all. Goldust was in over his head here but didn’t do badly at all.

Shawn immediately charges the ring and the brawl is on. HHH and Chyna come in for the beatdown but Owen and a limping bulldog come out as well. Rude and Neidhart come out and cancel each other out, but heeeeeeeere’s Taker. House is cleaned and Taker chokeslams Shawn and Bret at the same time to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. Not only did we get a great and famous match, not only did we get a famous moment, but I want to go watch Bad Blood now. AWESOME show as the WWF is starting to click again after coming off the awesome Border War (seriously, check that thing out. It’s AMAZING) and WCW is starting to slip a bit as everything is building to Starrcade, but they’re sputtering along the way. Great show here and one of the best episodes of Raw ever.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews