Monday Night Raw
Date: August 17, 1998
Location: Veterans’ Coliseum, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another week here and we’ve now got two more shows counting this one before Summerslam. That means another gimmick needs to be added to one of the matches. After last week there’s another conspiracy going around about Taker and Kane which I’m sure will be pounded into our heads all night. Let’s get to it.

We open with Vince trying to kick open Vince’s door, shouting that he has 15 seconds to get to the ring.

Theme song opens us up.

We open up with Highway to Hell playing and a hearse backs into the arena. Oh I remember this one. Austin is driving the car and there’s a casket in the back. He pops it open and there’s beer in it. That makes me smile. Austin says he has 23 more beers and has no problem holding things up until Vince gets here. Instead he gets Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. Slaughter comes out too, as the jackass behind curtain #3 according to Austin.

Vince comes out and Austin says hurry up because you’re starting to tick me off. Austin says Vince must be happy about Austin and Taker losing the titles, but it means they’re not tied together anymore. Vince has said that Austin has a foot in the grave. Tonight, that foot is going up inside Vince to give him a preview of Summerslam. Taker goes in the hearse tonight.

Ken Shamrock vs. Owen Hart vs. Dan Severn

Shamrock gets Owen at the PPV and Severn is kind of in there on the side. Lawler promises a statement from the White House tonight. Severn heads to the floor to start as the others pound on each other. The Nation is thrown out. We get a loud nugget chant as Owen controls with a legdrop. Owen rams shoulders in the corner and Severn hasn’t done a thing yet.

Enziguri puts Shamrock down for no cover. Shamrock comes back with a hurricanrana and a belly to belly for two as Severn breaks it up. That’s it for Severn at the moment as Owen takes over with a suplex on Ken. Ankle lock to Owen but Severn hooks a dragon sleeper on Shamrock. The match is stopped without a tap and Severn wins.

Rating: D. Pretty boring match here as Severn was using strategy but that doesn’t mean it’s interesting. He never was cut out for pro wrestling as he didn’t have the charisma to make it work. He was NWA World Champion at this point I believe, which probably explains why you never hear about that title anymore.

He won’t let go of the hold so Blackman comes out to get left laying also. Owen and Severn have joined forces it seems.

Ad for WWF War Zone. Smackdown vs. Raw it’s not.

Brawl For All Semi-Finals: Godfather vs. Bart Gunn

A Bill Clinton impersonator calls in making Monica Lewinsky jokes. Godfather says he’s not even offering the ho’s tonight. Bart dominates and wins by knockout in the third round.

Blackman and Shamrock break stuff in the back.

As we go to a break, we hear Jerry talking to Vince about how he was supposed to get a line in. Nice job guys.

Dan Severn is coaching Owen for his Lion’s Den match. They’ve left for the night.

Brian Christopher vs. Gangrel

This is Gangrel’s Raw debut. He won last night on Heat with an Impaler. Edge is chilling in the crowd watching Gangrel. Brian jumps him to start and hits a middle rope bulldog to take over. Gangrel hits a tiger driver and the Impaler to end this quick.

Shamrock and Blackman say they’ll break Owen and Severn. Did we really need to spend this much time on these four tonight?

DX and the Nation brawls in the back.

Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Farrooq/Scorpio

Clinton is on the phone again for this. Farrooq and let’s say 8-Ball start things off and Farrooq hits a middle rope clothesline for two. Off to Scorpio and Skull with the stronger guy taking over. DX and the Nation are still fighting in the back. Scorpio comes back with Trouble in Paradise and makes the tag to Farrooq. DX and the Nation brawls into the arena as Scorpio hits the 450. There’s no referee though and it’s Twin Magic resulting in a small package win for DOA.

Rating: D+. The match was a mess but this was about setting up the DX vs. Nation brawl. They have a street fight scheduled for later on but I have a feeling that match isn’t actually going to happen. Scorpio was a guy I always liked but the Disciples were so boring and so generic and you saw them so many times they they didn’t interest anyone.

D-Generation X vs. Nation of Domination

This is a street fight and they actually have their intros. There are only three Nation members because Godfather is still shaken up. This in no way resembles a wrestling match so I’m not really going to call it one. Rock takes over for his team with a cookie sheet. He manages to hit the People’s Elbow on Roadie but Billy saves the pin.

Billy piledrives I think Rock on something metal and here’s Jeff Jarrett of all people to fight X-Pac. Southern Justice comes out and it’s a huge brawl. Jarrett cuts X-Pac’s hair as HHH takes a Rock Bottom. A ladder is brought in and HHH gets destroyed with it even worse. He gets left under the ladder and the Nation leaves.

Rating: C. You can’t really give this a grade so I’ll put it right in the middle. The match was fun for the most part but these wild brawls with people coming out for no apparent reason like Jarrett would get old in a hurry. They’re still better than the NWO endings on Nitro though. The feud would end soon.

Here are Tiger Ali Singh and Babu. Oh it’s Abu now. Ok then. We get a clip of Abu training earlier today. He’s still in the sweaty clothes that he wore earlier so whoever comes in here and licks his unwashed feet gets $500. The guy does it with no reluctance at all and gets paid.

Here are Sable and Jackie for an arm wrestling contest. If you’ve seen one of these, you’ve seen them all. Jackie shoves the table over and hurts Sable’s ribs. She takes a trophy that Sable brought with her and knocks Sable out until the Oddities make the save.

Val says he’ll run the Kai En Tai gauntlet to get five minutes with Yamaguchi-San.

Droz’s World is about his tattoos.

Brawl For All Semi-Finals: Darren Drozdov vs. Bradshaw

Bradshaw wins a decision to face Gunn next week.

Video on Al Snow and we see him at a bar. Head is drunk apparently so Snow takes the keys.

Sable is coming back out here.

Dustin says don’t be bad.

Here’s Sable who wants to fight Jackie right now. Jackie says no but we’ll have a mixed tag. Luna and the Oddities jump Jackie.

Val Venis vs. Kai En Tai

This is a gauntlet match. If Val can beat all four in a row, he gets five minutes with Yamaguchi-San. Men’s Teiyoh is first and Val is rolled up for two. Val comes back with some clotheslines and a fisherman’s suplex for a pin. Here’s Funaki who is powerslammed and pinned in about 5 seconds. Togo is third and Clinton is back on the phone. A powerbomb gets two for Venis and Clinton is gone. Val hits some knees to the ribs and a tilt-a-whirl slam. A powerbomb (good one too) sets up the Money Shot to get him to Taka, the last man.

The idea is that Val is getting tired despite having wrestled about five minutes. Taka has better luck, knocking Val to the floor and hitting that corner dive of his. Val comes back with the size and power advantage including a butterfly suplex for two. Taka can’t Michinoku Drive him so Val slams him down but misses the elbow. The Michinoku Driver ends this clean.

Rating: D+. The match was pretty boring, but what was the point in Val losing here? I mean, why make him go through three of them and then lose to the fourth? Not a very good match but it’s cool to see Taka hit that dive most of the time. I think this ends this feud if nothing else.

Mrs. Yamaguchi-San comes down to slap Val so Val sprays them with some white stuff from a pink cannon. Yeah that’s how funny they were in the 90s.

Here’s Undertaker to close the show. He has the high collar on and you can’t see his face. Austin has called him out all night so here’s the champ. Kane’s pyro goes off and yep it’s Kane. Kane beats on Austin for awhile but Austin takes over and clotheslines him to the floor. They fight up the hearse and Austin throws Kane inside. He goes to drive it off but Undertaker is in the driver’s seat. Highway To Hell plays and Taker drives it off to end the show. JR freaks out because Kane and Undertaker are leaving together, because that’s the only possible ending this could have had right?

Overall Rating: C-. This show went by very fast. It’s not a very good show but it’s not bad either. They pushed the HHH vs. Rock match and the main event really strong, but other than that it felt all over the place. I mean, did we really need that much on Shamrock vs. Owen or Jackie vs. Sable? Not a bad show but they need to get to Summerslam.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 10, 1998
Location: Omaha Civic Auditorium, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 7,601
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Back to 1998 as my trip into all the short shows is done. We’re getting very close to Summerslam at this point with I believe three weeks to go. The main event tonight is a four way for the tag titles with Kane/Mankind defending against a bunch of people. Other than that we have the other Brawl For All Quarter-Finals. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Mankind to open the show. He says he’s tired of being lied to and deceived. He wants the truth and only one person has ever given him that: Vince McMahon. Mankind sits and waits for Vince to get here and pulls his hair out to pass the time. Vince finally gets here and Mankind says he needs his help.

Vince says this must be humiliating for Mankind and that he detests people that need help. The truth hurts, like when Kane was swinging for Mankind last week. Undertaker hit him with a chair too. Vince is calling him Mick now. Last night Undertaker disguised himself as Kane but it might as well have been Kane himself. The brothers are in collusion against everyone in the WWF. They’re one in the same you see.

Cue Kane and Bearer with Paul yelling at Vince, saying that Vince is the real manipulator of the WWF. Vince isn’t going to get into his mind or Kane’s mind either. Vince: “Are you done venting your spleen?” Vince says that that’s Undertaker under the Kane mask and demands it be removed. There go the lights but when they come back on Taker is in the ring in his regular gear and there’s no Kane. Taker grabs Vince by the throat but Mankind saves Vince.

Val Venis and John Wayne Bobbitt are having a joint press conference tonight.

Undertaker goes into his locker room and Kane can be seen inside.

Cue Sable to introduce Luna and the Oddities. Kurrgan dancing is still funny.

Luna vs. Jacqueline

Luna slams Jackie into the mat to start and Sable takes Mero down on the floor. Kurrgan glares Mero down when he comes after Sable and the match grinds to a halt. Jackie goes up top but gets crotched. A neckbreaker puts Jackie down and Luna goes up for a splash. Her hip kind of almost hits Jackie’s face but it gets the pin anyway. What a mess.

Highway to Hell Summerslam video. This is still awesome, even with Jerry talking to the director over it.

DX arrives. Oh wait it’s just the Outlaws.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Savio Vega vs. Darren Drozdov

Droz is replacing Hawk who he injured. I’m not even going to waste my time with this. Droz wins and Savio was injured during this, meaning he never wrestled for WWF again.

Chyna tells Cole to Suck It and shoves him into a car. There’s a rumor that DX is splitting tonight.

Legion of Doom vs. Southern Justice

Hawk falls down the ramp. After a break the suits won’t let Hawk compete so Droz replaces him. Thank goodness Tennessee Lee got dumped last night. There’s no match as Jeff Jarrett comes out and breaks the guitar over Droz’s head in retaliation for a loss last night. Jeff cuts Droz’s hair.

X-Pac arrives.

Here are the Outlaws in serious mode. Pac comes out alone, followed by HHH and Chyna. HHH says everyone wants to know where DX stands but Pac cuts him off, saying he’s had enough of this. He says HHH and Chyna are jackoffs, so HHH calls Pac a jackoff. The Outlaws are jackoffs too. JR declares DX dead, and since no wrestling announcer has EVER jumped to conclusions it must be true! Everyone agrees that they’re all jackoffs and HHH says they’re not sure if they should split. HHH says it’s time for the split so they all start to take down their pants. Chyna stops them and takes her’s down. Not bad.

Austin throws Cole in the shower in the back. Not a good night for him.

Vader vs. Godfather

Bart Gunn pops up at the announce desk and wants respect from JR instead of hearing about how Williams had a bad knee. Godfather offers the ladies to Vader, most of which are flat out ugly. This takes awhile and Vader takes the girls. Bart Gunn knocks out Vader and takes Godfather down. Yes, this whole thing was a build up to the Brawl For All next week.

Dustin Rhodes says read the Bible and watch the Discovery Channel. He is coming back. This segment was sponsored by Evangelists Against Television Movies and Entertainment. Man when Vince wants to drive something in he doesn’t stop does he?

Here are Val and John Wayne Bobbitt (dude that got a rather specific area cut off by his wife. It was reattached and he made an adult movie about it. This was in 1993 so why they’re doing this now I’m not sure) for a press conference. He has an ice pack between his legs. He makes some expected jokes in a sad voice but then reveals that he’s fine. Lawler makes his own jokes and Val dumps Mrs. Yamaguchi-San for causing him all this trouble. He throws her a battery in a funny bit.

Edge is here.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Bradshaw vs. Marc Mero

Bradshaw wins by points in overtime. Next.

Taker says he’ll explain his actions in the ring.

Tag Titles: The Rock/Owen Hart vs. Undertaker/Steve Austin vs. New Age Outlaws vs. Kane/Mankind

You can’t pin your partner, which is called the Outlaw Rule. During the Outlaws’ entrance, Ken Shamrock comes out and puts Owen in the ankle lock. It turns into a big brawl with HHH coming out as Owen taps to the ankle lock. The Nation fights DX and we take a break. D’Lo is replacing Owen. There’s no Mankind with Kane and Bearer. Oh wait he’s just behind them. Austin and Taker are the champions if that got lost in the shuffle.

In case you’re keeping track, every champion in the company other than Taka is in this match. Austin and Mankind start things off with Mankind getting a fast Mandible Claw which is broken up quickly. Neckbreaker gets two for Foley. He heads to the floor to avoid a Stunner though and walks up the ramp. Rock vs. Austin now and Mankind is back. Brown comes in and hits a spin kick as I think Lawler is losing his voice.

Brown takes a Thesz Press and Austin tags Kane. Kane tags Billy as this is moving very fast. Fameasser puts Brown down as does a gorilla press which gets two. Roadie comes in with the shaky knee for two. Mankind comes in to beat Roadie down but the pulling piledriver is countered. Back to Brown as these tags are almost impossible to keep track of. Finally we get to the important part though as Austin and Taker have to tag and they take turns killing Billy Gunn.

Gunn finally falls into a tag to Austin, making the partners legal. They wisely bring Road Dogg in because they can’t pin each other so there’s nothing to gain by fighting. Old School takes Road Dogg down and Taker tags in Brown. D’Lo hooks a chinlock and things finally slow down. There’s the Low Down but Billy makes the save. Rock comes back in and drops the People’s Elbow to a ROAR. Things slow way down as Mankind comes in. He spits at Austin and Taker but walks into a Russian legsweep from Road Dogg to put him down.

There’s the tag to Undertaker and everything breaks down as we’ve expected it to do the entire match. Kane hasn’t been in the match yet and is standing on the apron during the big brawl. Taker knocks everyone down and Mankind tags Kane. He chokeslams Undertaker very easily and wins the titles.

Rating: C. This was a mess and that’s all it was designed to be. It’s not like the titles meant anything here so changing them is fine. Russo was booking at this point so having everything be crazy like this is one of his trademarks. Still though, for a TV main event this was pretty huge and it worked pretty well.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best show but it wasn’t bad. The Brawl For All ends in two weeks and I couldn’t be happier. It stops the show dead every time and with these little three minute fights, no one is going to be able to get into them. Anyway, ok show here but it’s clear they’re counting the days until Summerslam.

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Smackdown
Date: February 1, 2001
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 11,757
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is a special called Smackdown Extreme. This was claimed to be live but from what I can tell, this was taped two days before. What exactly is extreme about it I’m not sure but I seem to remember some gimmick matches being added in here. This would be just after the Rumble so we need an opponent for Austin at Mania, so we need to start building up to No Way Out. Let’s get to it.

There’s a red X over the logo here because it’s EXTREME!!!

Rock vs. Angle for the title later.

Tag Titles: Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

The Dudleys are defending in their specialty here, the tables match. Only one has to go through a table for the win here. It’s a brawl to start as at the moment there’s no tagging going on. Jeff takes the reverse 3D and What’s Up Matt? The Dudleys set Jeff on a table but he punches Bubba in the balls. Jeff tries a top rope rana but D-Von moves the table. Jeff does the same to save Matt from a double flapjack.

In a cool spot, Bubba is about to superplex Jeff through a table but Matt dives through it instead. Bubba superplexes him onto the wreckage but it doesn’t count because Bubba didn’t drive Matt through it. That makes sense. Matt busts out a ladder and throws D-Von into it. The Hardys set up a table on the floor and then a second beside it. D-Von is placed onto one of them and Matt climbs the ladder but Bubba saves.

D-Von climbs up but Bubba throws Jeff into the two of them and they fall, SLAMMING THEIR HEADS INTO THE EDGE OF THE TABLE WIHCH DOESN’T BREAK!!! FREAKING OW MAN!!! Everyone is on the floor now with Bubba and Jeff up by the stage. Matt and D-Von are mostly dead as the others fight up by the production tables. They go up onto the stage and after a brief brawl, Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb to Jeff through the tables to retain.

Rating: C. Picture a match between these two teams and make it a tables match. That’s more or less what you had here and it wasn’t that bad. The problem these teams along with Edge/Christian had was you saw them do the matches so many times and it got very repetitive after awhile. This was entertaining enough though.

Austin is watching in the back.

All four guys are getting medical attention in the back. Lita comes up and Matt says go worry about winning the Women’s Title.

We recap HHH and Austin’s contract signing. The deal was if Austin hit HHH before the PPV, he lost his title shot. If HHH hit Austin before the PPV, he was suspended six months. HHH signed and then hit Austin, but he only pretended to sign and then laid Austin out.

Austin leaves his dressing room.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline

Ivory is champion. The challengers slide to the floor to get at Ivory so she runs. That fails completely and the double beating continues. The fans are all behind Lita here. Lita gets a headscissors for two on Ivory and it’s your typical one girl beats on Ivory and the other saves the pin and then switch it up. Lit puts Jackie down and hits the moonsault but Ivory comes in to steal the pin. Just how I like my Jackie matches: short.

HHH and Steph get here and find that it was Austin’s dressing room they were in. They find beer cans everywhere and Austin comes out of their bathroom. Everything is leaking apparently and Stephanie is disgusted. This could get awesome.

Here are Edge/Christian who are all worried about their opponents. And they’re facing….Kai En Tai. The Canadians interfered in a tag title match for Kai En Tai on Monday to set this up. However, Funaki has a bad rash so the EVIL Kai En Tai has some replacements.

Edge/Christian vs. Acolytes

The APA rushes the ring and it’s Bradshaw vs. Christian to start. This is two days before the start of the XFL so you know Cole is going to plug that. Bradshaw goes after Edge and the distraction lets Christian hit a dropkick to take over. Off to Edge who beats on Bradshaw a bit until the future rich guy is able to bring in Farrooq. Everything breaks down and Christian escapes the Dominator. Edge slides in some chairs but Funaki takes the Concharito for him. Edge goes after Taka and Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Christian for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much here but they went fast enough that it wasn’t going to get that bad. Also it allows Kai En Tai to get their revenge without making the Canadians look weak. Not a particularly good match but it did what it was supposed to do, which is as much as you can ask for most of the time. You wouldn’t get that today.

Vince yells at people saying that he has his own issues to deal with because he has his own problems. Regal comes in to say Vince has a phone call. Unless it’s Dick Ebersol Vince isn’t interested. Regal says it’s personal and whispers it to Vince, which makes him take it.

Vince is on the phone with someone and says that whoever it is is the most important person to them. That person is here in Columbus. Lawler thinks it’s Trish.

We talk about Chyna making personal appearances to plug her book. She was on Conan last night so we get a clip of it.

Billy Gunn is glad Chyna is keeping a positive mental attitude and has been making all those media appearances. Big Show comes in and is tired of hearing about Chyna so he shoves Billy down. He wants to know when he gets his interview because he’s been out six months.

Trish is in a bubble bath and is on the phone. Why she’s cool with a camera watching this is anyone’s guess. She says there’s plenty of room and wants whoever she’s talking to to come down there right now.

Video on Chris Jericho.

HHH is ticked off at Austin and says he’s not sure if he can make it to the end of this without getting suspended. Steph says calm down and focus on getting the title. She’s going to go talk to Vince because she has an idea.

Jericho, the IC Champion, says he knows extreme so he’s issuing an extreme open challenge for a title match right now.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Taz

Taz says he’ll make Jericho just another victim. Jericho works on the arm to start with an attempt at a Fujiwara Armbar but Taz fights him off. A head and arms suplex puts Jericho down and out on the floor. Jericho gets rammed into the barricade and Taz hooks a chinlock back inside. Jericho gets a rollup but Taz gets out and clotheslines him down. Enziguri puts the challenger down and a forearm gets two. Taz grabs the Tazmission but Jericho escapes and the bulldog sets up the Lionsault for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Not bad again but this was again nothing special. This is something you don’t get anymore: one off title defenses to build up the champion a little bit. It doesn’t seem like much here but if you do this four or five times, the champion looks a lot better and is on a roll. See how easy it can be to do that?

Vince is about to leave when Stephanie comes up. He’s in a hurry but she says she has an idea. Vince is in such a hurry that he drives off himself. The idea is add HHH to the world title match tonight which Vince agrees to so he can get out.

Here’s The Kat in a very small top. She talks about how everyone is talking about Smackdown Extreme and all the gimmick matches we’ve got tonight. There are other ways to get extreme though, and that’s where she comes in. There’s nothing she won’t do to get a rise out of the fans and she excels at it. She knows what turns men on and she knows what men want to see. She’s going to give us full frontal nudity and she manages to get her pants off, but as the top is untied, the RTC comes out to cover her up.

Richards goes on a rant against the crowd and Lawler says he hates him. This was a parody of the PTC, which is a group that basically tries to tell everyone how to think and what they should or shouldn’t be allowed to watch on TV. Naturally they hate Vince and the WWF.

We see some Tough Enough auditions, none of which I recognize.

Rock talks about the main event now being a triple threat. HHH got lucky to be married to Stephanie and is getting Rock’s shot as a result. Rock has been in the main event of the last two Wrestlemanias and has to win the title to do it a third straight year. Rock tells Angle to go to the local arcade and take a bunch of pictures of himself. Make them into a belt to hold your pants up because after the Rock takes the title, Angle is going to need something to hold up your pimply hemorrhoid (To Kevin Kelly: “Don’t get excited. The Rock said hemorrhoid not hermaphrodite”) head. Angle and HHH can just bring it.

Austin is still drinking beer. He shakes up two cans and leaves with them.

Big Show vs. Billy Gunn

Billy tries to speed things up so Show kicks his head off. There’s a claw hold and Show hammers on him. Gunn is grabbed by the throat, picked up and dropped but that’s not a chokeslam somehow. The crushing goes on for awhile. Gunn gets something like a sleeper but is countered into a side slam. Billy misses an elbow and hits a bulldog but Show kicks out with ease. Chokeslam ends this a moment later.

Rating: D. Billy Gunn is an interesting case and a fine case study for future attempted pushes. They tried for years to push him as a singles guy but the fans never accepted it. The company kept trying it but at the end of the day he was still Billy Gunn, just a few years later. The fans still didn’t care for him and it still didn’t work. WWE never quite got it though so Billy’s push was never effective. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, as Billy had the perfect look but never got over as he was expected to because the fans just didn’t want him.

HHH is getting ready when Austin comes in and offers him and Stephanie a beer. Instead he opens it and it sprays all over HHH.

Angle says why not make this in a shark tank and the only way you win is to put the opponent down the shark’s throat and pin the shark. He’s ready for the main event.

Video on Kane’s Rumble dominance.

The Brothers of Destruction are ready for the Samoans tonight.

Undertaker music video to Rollin by Limp Bizkit.

Undertaker/Kane vs. Haku/Rikishi

First blood here. Total brawl to start with Undertaker throwing Haku into the steps. The Brothers ping pong Rikishi with punches until Haku is back up. Rikishi and Undertaker head into the ring and Taker hits Old School. The pairings switch off and the Samoans get chairs to take over. Rikishi pounds on Kane in the corner and sets for a Stinkface but Taker cracks Haku with a chair and Kane breaks it up with a low blow. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down and Haku is bleeding but it isn’t seen. Steps to the head of Rikishi and the referee sees Haku bleeding to end it.

Rating: D+. Just a brawl that had a way to declare a winner. This feud wasn’t really interesting anyone and it only ended because of an injury to Rikishi. Not much to see as far as a match but power matches are always kind of fun to see. Kane and Undertaker would move on to bigger things very soon.

The Brothers beat down the Samoans post match to clear the ring.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Rock and HHH start fighting before Angle gets here. Angle runs out and is thrown to the floor almost immediately. DDT gets two for Rock very fast. Kurt gets back in and is punched to the floor almost immediately. Pedigree out of nowhere gets two. The match has only been going a minute so far. Here’s Austin because the first minute didn’t have enough happening in it. He comes out with a cooler to watch the match.

Angle uses the distraction to grab the Olympic Slam (back when it could still get a pin) for two as Rock saves. Rock suplexes Angle down but can’t follow up so all three are down. HHH pounds on Rock and goes up top (???) only to have Rock punch him and slam him off the top. Rock throws HHH over the corner and out to the floor but Angle suplexes him. Austin goes for a walk and puts a beer in front of HHH’s face.

HHH slaps it away as Rock comes back on Angle. Rock grabs the Sharpshooter but HHH comes in and DDTs him to break up the hold, getting two. The jumping knee hits and HHH takes him down with a neckbreaker for two. Angle suplexes HHH but walks into a Rock Bottom. Stephanie distracts the referee and Rock goes after her, allowing HHH to blast him. Angle Slam gets two. HHH sets for a catapult but gets kicked into the referee. Angle hits HHH low to break up the Pedigree and rolls him up but there’s no referee. Austin comes in and grabs the referee’s hand to slap the mat three times.

Rating: B. I liked this match a lot as they only had about ten minutes to work with and so they didn’t put anything slow paced out there. Almost everything was about hitting finishers which I usually dislike but this match was thrown together so there was no time for planning or anything like that. Fun match and the ending played into the Austin vs. HHH feud very well.

Overall Rating: B. I could see how people would like this show a lot but to me, there are a lot of dead spots on it. It’s certainly good and an entertaining show, but it doesn’t ever really get past good and into great. Austin vs. HHH would be a great match at No Way Out and it set up the greatest PPV ever, but this never got past being just a good show and into an area of greatness.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight’s is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there’s definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I’d expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That’s probably a good thing though. Let’s get to it.

Teddy Long is in charge tonight.

Here’s Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can’t move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that’s all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here’s the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.

Something must have changed HHH’s mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn’t look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.

HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn’t about which of them is better. He’s tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn’t get the job done. He’s tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE’S GUEST REFEREE.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb…for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I’m assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it’s not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I’m legit shocked.

Rating: D+. The match was an overbooked mess but it was awesome. I’m not a Santino fan at all but it’s not like the title means anything on Swagger. The title died the minute Ryder lost it so putting it on Santino is just fine. I’m glad they didn’t turn this into a tag match as it gave me a legit surprise.

Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.

Rock is in Boston and he’s got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston’s faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena’s stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They’re an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There’s a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he’s a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.

Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids’ Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.

Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.

Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.

We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I’ve always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it’ll be full of moments. With everything that’ll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he’s just another name in Rock’s book. But if he wins, it’s the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan

Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven’t interacted at all that I remember. They’ve probably been in the ring together a few times but it’s been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.

Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They’re really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.

Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can’t keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.

Rating: C. See, this one helps as it actually gives us a new wrinkle in this story. Jericho has a pin over Punk now so the title is in some more jeopardy. That’s a big perk as until then, it was Jericho trying to make Punk tap which just wasn’t going to happen. Not a bad match either with Punk’s top notch selling helping a lot.

Off to Paul Revere’s statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We’d all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock’s version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.

Big Show vs. The Miz

Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there’s nothing worse than embarrassment. There’s no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.

Time for the third Rock history lesson. He’s in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.

Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.

Kane vs. R-Truth

Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.

As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here’s Orton. Truth grabs Kane’s foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it’s good to be back.

Here’s Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it’s exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He’s obsessed with breakfast cereal, he’s obsessed with how Cena looks, and talks about how many women he’s slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?

Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that’s never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He’s wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.

Rock says he’s never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock’s core, Rock is 6’4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena’s throat out. At Cena’s core, he’ll always be a little boy. And that’s it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn’t intimidate him one bit.

In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock’s height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he’s going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he’ll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that’s it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I’m assuming that’s his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena’s wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.

Overall Rating: A. I love and hate Wrestlemania time. It gives us great episodes like this one but it also reminds you of how bad the rest of the year can be. The key word for tonight would be smart. Everything had a point and made sense, which is arguably the most important thing a wrestling show can do. I’m fired up for Wrestlemania and that’s hitting at the right time. Great show tonight and I want to see more.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam

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It fits the story and if they have to go with another gimmick to it, that’s the perfect one.  It says a lot when this match has technically been three years and three featured Wrestlemania matches including one main event in the making.  That has to be a record.

No Mercy 2005
Date: October 9, 2005
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the final of this set of shows and we’re finally out of the Undertaker in gimmick title matches. Now he’s in gimmick non-title matches, in this case a handicap casket match against the Ortons. The main event is Batista defending against Eddie who is turning more heel by the day but he’s pretending to be a nice guy. It’s also his last PPV match ever. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Eddie vs. Batista with Eddie swearing he’s a changed man. If Eddie crosses Batista, Batista will end him. Also we hear about the handicap casket match.

MNM vs. Legion of Doom/Christy Hemme

This is Animal/Heidenreich which never worked at all. They’re the tag champions here. My goodness Christy was gorgeous. She took a Snapshot on Smackdown so she’s injured coming in. Animal has a taped up shoulder too. Heidenreich pulls Nitro in and the beating is on before he can even take the fur coat off. Heidenreich is all fired up and hits a three point clothesline for two. Off to the large gut with the Animal attached but Mercury gets in a kick to the shoulder to take over.

He keeps kicking at it and knocks Heidenreich to take draw him in. MNM hits the Snapshot on Animal very quickly but it only gets two because of the delay in getting to the cover. Mercury snaps the shoulder over the top rope to let Nitro get two. The double team continues and Animal is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Mercury goes up but jumps into an almost powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Melina tags herself in. She dives onto Animal and gets caught. Off to Christy for a bad Hart Attack and then a HORRIBLE rana. As in the legs were around Melina’s arms. Doomsday Device ends Melina.

Rating: D-. Christy Hemme is a fine example of a girl that looks good in tight pants and a black bra. She’s incredibly attractive and sexy, but but she had no business being in a wrestling ring as a competitor. It didn’t work for her at all and she was only in the ring for about 45 seconds. Again though, she’s there for her looks and those work very well.

Eddie comes in to see Batista and almost evily says good luck. Batista says it back in a friendlier voice.

Here’s Simon Dean the fitness expert with his assistant who has a plate of hamburgers. Taz and Cole are cracking up at this. Dean talks about how Houston is the fattest city in America. He has 20 double cheeseburgers here and says it’s ok to eat one, but when you eat 20 at once you get fat. He calls out Lashley and says if he loses, he’ll eat all 20 of those burgers.

Bobby Lashley vs. Simon Dean

Lashley is in white here and it’s his PPV debut. This is a rematch from Lashley’s first match which was two days ago. Lashley throws him around but misses a corner charge. Dean throws hamburgers at Lashley and then hits him with the metal tray as the ref is distracted. That doesn’t work at all and Dean is thrown into the corner. They try to do a cool power spot where Dean is sitting in the corner while holding onto the top and having Lashley pull him out by his feet to catch him in the Dominator. The problem is Lashley can’t hold him up so he falls backwards and hits a regular Dominator to win it. Total squash.

Lashley forces the hamburger into Dean’s mouth.

Jillian still has the mole on her face but introduces JBL who says Raw won’t invade tonight. They can’t invade because they’re invited. JBL welcomes a challenge but watch what he does to Mysterio first. Rey pops up and speaks Spanish, talking about the Mexican flag. JBL tells the “intertube boy” that he needs to speak English in America. Rey hands him a Mysterio mask for after the underdog beats him. JBL declines so Rey gives it to Jillian.

US Title: Booker T vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending, Booker gets a big pop as the hometown guy and this is one fall to a finish. Benoit beat Jordan in like 25 seconds at Summerslam to win the title. Why he’s in this match is beyond me. Jordan goes after Benoit and takes him down so the heels (Christian/Jordan) can double team Booker. Booker knocks Christian to the floor and kicks Jordan down but Christian pulls him to the outside.

Benoit pops up out of nowhere with a Crossface on Jordan but Christian saves. With Booker on the floor, Benoit cleans house on the other two. Suplexes all around and Christian is put in a quickly broken up Sharpshooter. Booker comes off the top with a missile dropkick to take Christian down as it’s his turn to be in control. Jordan and Christian are knocked to the floor so we get a staredown between Booker and Benoit.

They don’t really do much though as Christian comes in and is suplexed over the top with ease. Benoit goes to the floor to fight his fellow Canadian as Booker and Jordan clothesline each other down. Christian breaks up the Swan Dive by fighting Benoit on the top. Jordan is whipped into them and the Canadians hit the floor. Booker rolls up Jordan for a VERY close two. Benoit comes back in and walks into a side kick.

Cole reminds us that everyone is legal at the same time. Thanks Cole. The first seven minutes of this match didn’t tell me that. Axe kick gets two on Jordan. Christian throws Benoit into Booker to knock Booker to the floor but Christian can’t hit the Unprettier on Benoit. Benoit tries Rolling Germans but Orlando breaks it up.

Orlando is thrown out onto Booker, leaving the Canadians in the ring. After four Germans Benoit misses the Swan Dive. Christian tries a rollup but Benoit reverses into the Crossface. Orlando seems to miss his cue on the save as he takes forever. Jordan is sent to the floor and the Sharpshooter makes Christian tap.

Rating: C. This seems like a match that belonged on a house show. It wasn’t that bad but I don’t think anyone was really expecting a new champion here. Benoit was on a roll at this point and would hold the title for about six more months. It’s not a bad match but it was more of a Benoit showcase than a competitive match.

Sharmell yells at Booker post match.

Lashley is making Dean eat the burgers.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Hardcore Holly

Hardcore shoved Kennedy during a match while Kennedy was on commentary so Kennedy cost him a match. This is Kennedy’s PPV debut. Kennedy does his usual intro before the match. Holly is introduced as The Alabama Slamma. Holly pounds him down to start and hits the dropkick. There are some hard chops in the corner but Kennedy suckers Holly in and sends him to the floor.

Out to the floor for a bit as the fans are just gone. Literally, as in you can see empty seats in the first few rows. Kennedy works on the arm to waste some time. A single arm DDT gets two. This is a horribly boring match. Holly comes back and hits a full nelson slam for two. Kennedy tries a spin kick but Holly won’t sell it. He kicks Kennedy down and they go to the corner. The rolling fireman’s carry slam off the middle rope gets the pin for Kennedy.

Rating: F. OH MAN this was bad. It went on almost ten minutes and was about three minutes of arm work. Holly wouldn’t sell anything and it made Kennedy look like an idiot. Kennedy never quite got it in the ring but he tried at least. There was always something misses for him though, and this wasn’t a good start at all.

Holly takes forever to get out of the ring so Sylvan, the fashion consultant of Smackdown who is more worthless than any wrestler you’ll EVER see, comes out to the ring and attacks the bad ribs.

Simon is still eating burgers.

Sharmell yells at Booker some more. Kennedy comes up and makes fun of them. This takes forever and Sharmell yells more after Kennedy leaves.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey fires off right hands to start and ducks a big boot. JBL actually goes technical and hooks a side headlock to take it to the mat. Rey takes over again and sends JBL out to the floor to frustrate him. A baseball slide puts Bradshaw down and the rich dude is mad. He uses the power to take over but Rey takes the knee out and a facejam gets two. Rey works over the knee and cannonballs down onto it.

The 619 misses and JBL heads to the floor. Rey bulldogs him to the floor but hurts himself in the process. Bradshaw sends his head into the steps to take over. My goodness JBL has a beer belly on him. Back in and JBL pounds him down before hitting a fallaway slam from the middle rope for no cover. A regular fallaway slam sends Rey to the floor where JBL hits a third one.

Back inside the slams get two. Time for a bearhug. This match has been pretty slow paced. There isn’t much of a story to it either so it doesn’t really draw the fans in that well. JBL puts him on the ropes but Rey comes back with a tornado DDT. Rey speeds things up and hits the Bronco Buster but Jillian gets up for a distraction. JBL almost hits her but puts on the brakes, only to walk into a moonsault press for two. Rey knocks him into the ropes and hits the 619, but the West Coast Pop misses and the Clothesline ends this.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match for the most part but it was pretty boring. It was a nice surprise to see JBL win as Rey would have seemed to be the obvious winner here. This is more or less JBL’s win to keep some kind of importance on him for when he jobbed to everyone on the planet afterwards.

Someone gets fired on Raw tomorrow. It would be JR.

We recap the Ortons vs. Undertaker. Orton had turned heel to try to break the Streak but of course he lost. It became an obsession for him and he beat Undertaker at Summerslam. Taker came for revenge and caskets were brought in. There was an Undertaker mannequin in the casket which scared Taker, according to Randy. Tonight it’s a handicap casket match with Taker against the Ortons.

Undertaker vs. Bob Orton/Randy Orton

Both Ortons have to go in for Undertaker to win. Taker gets the full druid entrance as they bring out the casket. He then gets his own entrance to really fill in time. Taker controls with punches to start, knocking both Ortons around. Then the numbers take over so the Ortons control with punches. Now Taker comes back and knocks them both down. He manages to throw Bob in the casket but Randy throws Taker knees first into the steps.

Undertaker is put in the casket but gets out with, you guessed it, punches. Back in the ring and Bob is down in the corner. Old School is loaded up for Randy but Bob manages to crotch him. Both Ortons go up on the ropes and they manage a double superplex. Bob covers probably out of instinct. They keep trying to double suplex Taker into the casket but Taker counters into a double DDT.

Bob is thrown into the casket and Randy takes the snake eyes/big boot combo. Bob is out of the casket now and appears to have something in his hands. Oh it’s a fire extinguisher. Randy hits the backbreaker in the ring and we go outside. Randy jumps off the apron but gets rammed back first into the post. A big chair shot to the back puts Randy in and Bob gets caught in a triangle choke. Taker finally gets Bob in but Randy gets up and knocks Taker away.

All three are in the casket now as the younger guys stand up and brawl. Taker knocks Randy out and slams the lid on Bob. The announcers talk like that eliminates him but there’s been nothing that implies he would be until now. Randy low blows Undertaker and hits the powerslam. Randy opens the casket but takes a low blow as well. Taker pounds on him some more but Randy hits the dropkick and they go into the corner.

Randy, ever the idiot, puts himself in perfect position for the Last Ride. Tazz: “WHY DID HE DO THAT???” Last Ride kills Randy but Bob pops out of the casket with the fire extinguisher. A blast into the eyes by Bob allows Randy to hit the RKO. Bob tries to roll Taker into the casket but Taker grabs him by the throat. Randy pops up with the fire extinguisher to the head and Taker is knocked into the casket. He pulls Randy in with him and the lid closes, but for some reason that doesn’t end it. Not that it matters as Taker and Randy pop up seconds later and Randy hits him with a chair to win.

Rating: C-. It’s not a horrible match I don’t guess but it never got interesting at all. That’s what this PPV has been in a nutshell: not bad but nothing to get excited about at all. Cole declaring this the final nail in Undertaker’s coffin was laughable because that guy has died more times than I can count but he keeps coming back. Anyway, not bad but it lead to HIAC at I think Armageddon.

Post match the Ortons do the Royal Rumble 1998 thing where the hack open the casket and pour gas in then light it on fire. Taker would come back at Survivor Series and then have a Cell match at Armageddon to blow off the feud.

Wrestlemania is in Chicago.

Taz and Cole talk about how serious this is and how you can smell the gas and the smoke.

Now here are Mexicans on lawnmowers.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Nunzio

Nunzio is defending after Juvy won a battle royal. The attempted murderers are going to be talking on WWE.com if you’re interested. The Mexicools and Vito are on the floor. Juvy gets three covers inside of 20 seconds. Nunzio gets some rollups as well and it’s a standoff. The crowd is pretty quiet for this. A headscissors gets two for Juvy. Tazz, who was all shocked and serious a few minutes before, is making juice jokes.

Nunzio takes it to the mat with a surfboard hold as Tazz has to remind himself that there’s a match going on. Rollup gets two for Juvy. They both go up and both hit facejams to put both guys down. They speed things up again and a seated dropkick gets two for Guerrera. Inverted powerbomb gets two. Juvy tries a sunset flip but gets shoved off so he headscissors Vito instead. Top rope crossbody is rolled through into two for Nunzio but he hits the Juvy Driver a few seconds later for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I feel sorry for the guys in matches like these. No one is interested in seeing them and probably even fewer care who wins. This match is background noise while the fans catch their breath before we get to the main event. That being said, the match was nothing interesting at all as the Cruiserweight Title was long since dead at this point.

The Mexicools do an interview in Spanish.

Simon finishes the burgers but Lashley says that was only 19. Lashley pulls out one more huge one but Simon gets sick. Did we really wait the whole show for that payoff?

We recap the main event. Eddie says he wanted respect but no one bought it. This resulted in a tag match with Eddie/Batista vs. MNM where Eddie hit Batista with a chair but claimed it was an accident. Batista said if you screw me, I’ll end you.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Batista

Eddie takes him to the mat to start and Batista looks a bit surprised by the speed. He almost gets caught in a rollup but powers out of it. For some reason Eddie tries a test of strength and down he goes. He climbs the ropes while still in the grip but Big Dave throws him down with ease and Eddie bails for a bit.

Back in and Batista grabs a headlock. Eddie sends him into the corner and it’s right back to the headlock. Eddie tries to escape with a top wristlock but there’s too much Batista. The headlock goes on again but Eddie gets to the floor and grabs a chair. Batista grabs him by the throat and says Eddie wants to screw him with a chair. Eddie guillotines him on the top and hits a Frog Splash to the back for a close two. That was out of nowhere.

Eddie works on the back in the form of a body scissors but Batista powers out of it. Guerrero hits a dropkick to the back and hooks a half Boston Crab to put Big Dave in even more trouble. Batista makes the rope and Eddie goes to the corner and steals a tag rope. He drops it though and dropkicks Batista in the face instead. Nice guy. Off to a camel clutch as the back work continues.

Now it’s back to the body scissors but Batista stands up and hooks a bearhug which is quickly broken. Batista charges at him but Eddie dropkicks the knee out and tries a Texas Cloverleaf. Dave is like BY THE POWER OF MALENKO and counters with a small package before it’s on. Into the corner and Eddie jumps over Batista but stumbles and runs into the referee. Eddie gets a chair but throws it down instead of swinging it.

Batista sees the chair and gets all ticked off. He goes into Beast Mode and runs over Eddie with his power game. His back gives out on the Batista Bomb though so he has to settle for a spinebuster. That gets a delayed two and Eddie makes his comeback, doing his dance and hitting the Three Amigos. Batista avoids the Splash and a second spinebuster retains the title.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t a bad match but it never got to the point where I was wanting to see what happened next. The whole point of the match was would Eddie go rudo or not and he didn’t do it, making the whole story of the match kind of dead because one on one, no one bought Eddie as a real threat to the title. It wasn’t a bad match at all but it’s certainly not something worth watching. The story is that Eddie would have won the title on the Smackdown two days after he died, so this was just the start of a bigger story.

Post match Eddie offers a handshake and Batista eventually accepts it. Batista turns away and Eddie gives him an evil smile which Batista doesn’t see.

Overall Rating: D+. The show is much like the main event: not bad for the most part, but I’d have felt pretty let down after this show. It’s a match that would have been perfect for the In Your House treatment back in the 90s, as this isn’t really an A-list main event. Coupling that with a lot of the filler matches like the six person and the Kennedy match, there’s not much of a need for this to be a three hour show. It passed two hours and forty five minutes but there’s no reason to watch this at all.

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No Mercy 2004
Date: October 3, 2004
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This finally finished downloading so I can stop watching Alabama wrestling shows. The main event here is JBL vs. Undertaker in a Last Ride match which is an ambulance match but with a hearse instead. Other than that there’s pretty much nothing of interest on this entire card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how there’s no such thing as mercy, spread around between the various top feuds. That’s your first sign of a bad show: a lazy opening video.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

If I remember right, Reigns was part of Angle’s team at this point along with Jindrak and of course Angle. Reigns starts with the power game but Eddie dropkicks the knee to take over. BIG Eddie chant starts but it dies pretty quickly. Jindrak is at ringside too. Snapmare gets two for Eddie. Luther comes back with a delayed gorilla press for two. There’s a bear hug as I’m starting to remember why I was bored with Reigns most of the time.

Eddie escapes with a poke in the eye but gets his head kicked off for two. Some left hands get the same result. Off to a surfboard hold to waste some time. Belly to back gets two. Luther hits a backbreaker and bends Eddie over. Over his knee you sick freaks. Eddie rolls to the floor for a second before coming back in and trying to go a bit amateur on Luther. Back to the backbreaker with Eddie being bent over the knee.

Powerslam gets two but when Luther tries Roll the Dice (Cross Rhodes), Eddie climbs the ropes and backflips into a reverse DDT for a close two. Eddie pounds away at the ribs and Luther is in trouble. Guerrero loads up Three Amigos but can only get two of them. He goes to the floor holding his ribs. Must be Mama Guerrero’s Taco Surprise.

While he’s near the railing, Eddie steals a blackjack or a police baton from a cop. Eddie brings in a chair which Luther steals, but Eddie dropkicks the chair into Jindrak’s face. Luther is knocked down as well but Eddie misses the Frog Splash. While the referee puts the chair out, Eddie hits Luther with the baton and the Frog Splash wins this.

Rating: C. Not a terrible opening but this is similar to what Eddie did for about a year and a half. It was clever once in awhile but the whole pretending to do something while doing something else got a little bit old to me. Never bad mind you, but kind of repetitive. Not a bad match but it went too long.

We recap the Dawn Marie vs. Jackie Gayda feud. Jackie was with Charlie Haas and engaged but Dawn said she was with Charlie when Jackie wasn’t paying attention. Josh (sounding like he went through reverse puberty) asks her why Dawn did that and she says she’ll do it again tonight. Dawn goes in to see Jackie who is topless. Dawn says Charlie is being blackmailed into marrying her. Oral sex is implied.

Cruiserweight Title: Spike Dudley vs. Nunzio

Spike is EVIL and defending. He’s the Dudley Boss here or something like that. Nunzio got a non-title win to get this shot. They go into a long collar and elbow sequence but Nunzio comes back with right forearms. He hiptosses Spike to the floor as I wonder why this isn’t on Smackdown. Some quick pinfall attempt get two. Spike gets sent to the floor again and Nunzio hits a dive, getting two back inside.

He goes up but Bubba shoves him off to change momentum. Spike uses some of the same rollups that Nunzio used, one of which gets reversed into a Nunzio two count. Johnny the Bull is outside also, meaning we have far too many people here for a Cruiserweight Title match. Spike hooks a full nelson on the mat. Tazz says Cole’s finishing move would be a quarter nelson. Cole says he’d call it the Cole-plex.

Nunzio makes his comeback but gets thrown to the floor. Spike follows him out there but gets backdropped. A backslide gets two in the ring for the challenger. Johnny and D-Von get into it on the floor so Bubba can crotch Nunzio on the post. Spike gets the easy pin to retain. Yep that was lame.

Rating: D+. For everyone that says there needs to be a Cruiserweight Title again, I’d point them to the title after about 2003. The matches and feuds were thrown together and the matches didn’t mean anything at all. This went nowhere and wasn’t an interesting match at all, although there are better Cruiserweights on the roster so maybe this is a bad example.

Undertaker career highlight: beating Hogan for the title.

We recap London vs. Kidman. They were a tag team who won the titles for awhile but Kidman messed up a Shooting Star one night and hurt Chavo’s face. Everyone shunned Kidman and he couldn’t use the move anymore because of psychological issues. Instead he walked away and the team lost the titles eventually as a result. London blamed Kidman and he was labeled a quitter because he wouldn’t give the fans the move they wanted. He said that the fans were bloodthirsty so London slapped him. If Kidman doesn’t fight, he’s fired.

Billy Kidman vs. Paul London

London sprints to the ring but Kidman runs. Paul wants answers. I’m not sure what the question is but I guess that’s up for interpretation. London controls to start and hits a leg lariat for two. A clothesline puts Kidman down and then out to the floor. London hits a sweet springboard moonsault but he might have hit the apron on the way down. Slingshot splash gets two back inside.

Kidman comes back by ramming his face into the buckle and kicking him in the face. London’s ribs are rammed into the post and Kidman goes after the ribs. All Billy at this point as he smacks London in the face. Apparently London had a broken nose recently. See, that’s something good a commentator can do: remind us of something that makes offense more vicious.

Billy stretches the ribs more and catches London in a gutbuster for two. Off to a seated abdominal stretch and London is in big trouble. Kidman gets back up and tries a tornado DDT for some reason. London blocks and hits an enziguri, but his powerbomb is blocked into an X Factor for two. Kidman tries a Low Down but London countered with a rana for two. London tries to speed things up but gets caught by a dropkick. Billy looks to the corner but walks off instead. He comes back at a count of seven and walks into a superkick. London tries a Shooting Star but it lands on knees. Kidman’s Shooting Star ends this.

Rating: C+. That was a solid heel turn match for Kidman. The rib work was great and the ending was solid too. I was liking this quite a bit with a good story the whole time, which is more than you can ask for more often than not. Kidman would be gone by June and London would get stuck in Cruiserweight Title limbo, but it was a good way to get there at least.

London is bleeding from the mouth so Billy blames the fans for it. London is strapped to a back board so Kidman goes up and hits another Shooting Star to the defenseless man. Nice.

Another Undertaker title moment: beating Sid at Wrestlemania 13.

JBL wants to know why the PPV is biased to the Undertaker. Why does everyone think JBL will lose tonight? How is that fair and biased? He talks about how he’s guaranteed victory in all of his title matches but can’t bring himself to say it here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio

I vaguely remember Suzuki and Dupree as champions. My guess is that there’s a reason I don’t remember more. I know I remember thinking Kenzo bored me to death. Kenzo tries to sing Born in the USA pre match. Rob and Rene start us off. A quick powerbomb attempt is countered into a pin attempt by Rob and we get a standoff. Rey tags himself in and the challengers speed things up, resulting in a dropkick by Rey for two.

Suzuki comes in. Cole refers to him by his nickname of the bronze warrior, causing Tazz to say “Do you think he aspires to be a golden warrior?” Well at least it wasn’t about pigeons. The champs are both sent to the floor and the challengers hit stereo dives. Cole: “Only on Smackdown!” Except when it’s on PPV right Cole? Rob vs. Kenzo in the ring now but Rob is quickly send to the floor as Rene pushed him off the top.

We hear about Kenzo winning the Young Lions Cup and it’s back to Rene for a neck crank. A knee drop by Kenzo gets two. There’s the hot tag to Rey (minus the hot part) who cleans house and destroys Kenzo. Seated senton gets two. Rene breaks up the 619 but Rob breaks up a powerbomb. Rolling Thunder takes out Dupree and now the 619 connects. Dupree breaks up the West Coast Pop though, only to get taken out by Van Dam. Kenzo cradles Mysterio and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t horrible but you could really see that the tag titles were in shambles at this point. To be fair they had been for years so that’s hardly breaking news, but you get the idea. Not much of a match but it didn’t suck, which is really all you can ask for from these thrown together matches.

We recap Angle vs. Big Show. Show came back again and laid waste to everyone which impressed Teddy. Big Show was given a choice of facing Eddie or Angle. Show had injured Angle months ago so he picked Angle for a revenge match. Angle had recruited Jindrak to join him and Reigns against Show. Then on Smackdown, Angle shot Big Show with a tranquilizer dart and the trio shaved his head.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

If Luther or Jindrak interfere, they’re fired. Show threatens Angle a lot to start and shoves him away with ease. He runs Angle over and Cole says it’s like running into a concrete wall. Cole: “Go outside and run into a concrete wall to see how that feels.” Tazz: “Yeah don’t do that.” There’s a toss around the ring after Kurt can’t come close to suplexing him. There’s a suplex and Kurt is in big trouble. Angle gets thrown around and says screw this and takes the countout loss.

Never mind as Teddy pops in and says if you leave, you’ll never wrestle on Smackdown again. Yeah because it’s not like there’s another show he can wrestle on where they would welcome him with open arms or anything. Kurt has a ten count to get back in and he does so at nine after tripping over the steps. That was funny. Show keeps up the dominance with a headbutt and chops in the corner.

Now he stands on Angle’s chest. Why get more complicated than you have to? Out to the floor and Show punches a chair into Angle’s face. Back in Show drops a leg and chops some more. Angle has had zero offense and we’re over five minutes into this. He gets in an elbow but jumps into a slam. Here comes the chokeslam but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. He gets the grapevine but lets it go a few seconds later. Kind of stupid no? Yeah it was because Show kicks him off and into the referee.

Kurt heads to the floor and grabs a chair which goes into the knee. Then it goes onto it a few more times. He hooks a knee bar over the apron and Show is in trouble. Show gets up and shrugs off all of the offense. A big boot puts Angle down but a second crotches him on the ropes. Angle Slam gets two. He heads to the floor and gets the tranquilizer gun again but Show grabs it away and breaks it over his knee. Ok that was cool. Reverse powerbomb kills Kurt and a chokeslam off the top ends this clean.

Rating: C. I liked this for some reason. There’s something cool about having Show just go off on people and destroy them with reckless abandon. That chokeslam looked great as Angle crashed to the mat. Fun match with Angle putting people over which is something he’s always been cool with it seems.

We recap Cena vs. Booker. It’s the final match in a best of five series for the title. Angle was GM and stripped Cena of the title. There was an eight man elimination match where Booker legally stole the title. Teddy Long made Cena #1 contender in a best of five series because of that hater Kurt Angle stealing the title from him. Cena won at Summerslam, Booker won on Smackdown, Booker won at a Smackdown house show, Cena won at Smackdown, tonight is the final match.

US Title: Booker T vs. John Cena

The title can change hands on a DQ or countout here. Cena slugs away to start and gets two off a shoulder block. Booker is sent to the floor and for once it makes sense for Cena to not go after him. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Cena but he walks into a spinebuster for the same. Out to the floor and Cena goes into the steps. Pretty slow start so far. Now Booker goes into the steps.

Back in Booker loads up the side kick but settles for a superkick instead, getting two. Off to a chinlock to kill some time. Cena comes back with a cross body for two. Booker suplexes him and it’s back to the chinlock. Cena hits a fisherman’s suplex for two and it’s back to Booker in control. This is really boring so far. Booker misses the side kick and crotches himself on the top rope.

Cena wins a slugout and a clothesline takes Booker down. The Shuffle gets two. He pumps up the shoes but the FU is countered. Booker comes back with the Book End for two as the crowd is getting behind Cena. Booker goes to get a chair but has to drop it to save the title. Scissors kick misses and Cena gets two off the crash. The FU ends this clean. Wow that was anti-climactic.

Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this one. Cena got a lot better in the next year or two but at this point he was really weak out there. Booker would do nothing for the next year until he won the world title and turned British in about a year and a half. Cena would lose the title on Smackdown to the debuting Carlito.

Taker won his third title at Over the Edge from Austin. That was the Owen Hart show.

Dudley Boys/Dawn Marie vs. Rico/Charlie Hass/Miss Jackie

I miss Dawn. She was gorgeous. Jackie is no slouch either. Bubba and Haas start us off but D-Von jumps him to give them the early advantage. D-Von beats on Charlie but Dawn tags herself in to hit on Charlie. Jackie comes in and there goes Dawn’s top. Bubba pulls Jackie’s hair to give Dawn the advantage then comes in to kiss her. Bubba makes the mistake of closing his eyes though and gets a kiss from Rico instead.

Out to the floor and Bubba is about to be sick. It’s such a shame that Rico got this gimmick as he was AWESOME in OVW, regularly outworking guys like Orton and Cena. Bubba walks out and Rico gets a bunch of (fruit) rollups on D-Von. Bubba comes back to crotch Rico and then officially comes in to give Rico a heterosexual beating. Rico grabs a DDT out of nowhere and double tags bring in the other guys.

Haas cleans house and causes some heel miscommunication. A German takes down Bubba but Dawn distracts him, allowing D-Von to get in some offense. Rico makes a blind tag and hits a cross body for two as everything breaks down. The Dudleys load up What’s Up but Rico is WAY too excited for it, rubbing his crotch and begging D-Von to jump. D-Von won’t do it so we get a catfight instead. Charlie takes down D-Von and Rico finishes him with a moonsault.

Rating: C+. It was a comedy tag match, but every time I watch Rico I love him more and more. This guy was doing everything he could to get this dead end gimmick over and it worked. Rico cracked me up which was the whole point of the character. It’s a shame he wasn’t allowed to just be himself and awesome. Fun match.

Taker won the title from Hogan again.

We recap JBL vs. Taker. Taker had chokeslammed JBL through the limo at Summerslam, resulting in JBL being injured and one of the funniest visuals ever in WWE. JBL was in a neck brace and hat his cowboy hat attached to the top of the halo, making the hat about three feet above his head. It was hilarious. Anyway, Taker was granted the rematch and beat up a lot of JBL’s cronies. it’s a Last Ride match, meaning ambulance match but with a hearse instead.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. The Undertaker

The champ jumps him to start which is surprising for him. Taker pounds him down and drops some elbows. He’s in full striking mode here. Old School puts JBL down but the champ gets a thumb to Taker’s eye. Taker goes Zombie Mode and chokeslams JBL down but it’s way too early to put him in the hearse.

JBL gets beaten down again and takes the apron legdrop. They fight in the aisle for a bit and JBL goes into the steps. Taker loads up the announce table but walks into steps to the head to give the champ his first real advantage. JBL kicks him up the aisle and hits Taker with the steps again. After a quick trip towards the hearse, they come back into the ring and JBL hits a top rope shoulder to put the Deadman down.

Taker grabs a triangle choke and JBL taps but it doesn’t mean anything. Out to the floor and Taker pounds some more because he’s not that smart at times. Taker loads up the table again but JBL hits him with the steps to break it up. That’s strangely familiar. A piledriver on the steps is attempted (Taker did it to Lesnar last year and Cole was fine with it, but here it’s evil) but Undertaker backdrops him.

They fight into the crowd with Taker in control. Back to ringside and Taker hits a Tombstone on the steps. Cole didn’t seem to think that was evil either. Bradshaw is busted but finds a chair to whack Taker in the head with out of nowhere. That sounded great. A monitor to the head puts Taker on a table. JBL gets the chair and winds up getting chokeslammed through the other table.

JBL’s face is covered in blood. I’ll give the guy this: he knows how to do bladejobs. Taker gets up first and wants to head to the hearse. Into a fireman’s carry and up the aisle they go. Taker opens the door but Heidenreich pops out. He knocks Undertaker out with ether and sends the hearse away but Taker pops out of that too. He pounds on Heidenreich but walks into the Clothesline for Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: D+. Some ok violence but for the love of all things good and holy can we get ANYONE but JBL as champion? His reign probably looks better over time, but at the time it happened it was awful with some of the lowest buyrates of all time as a result. Naturally it went on until Wrestlemania to make sure absolutely no one cared by the end of it.

JBL says never bet against him.

The hearse was being driven by Heyman who instructs Heidenreich to ram a car into it. Taker is blown up AGAIN to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s some ok stuff on here, but there’s no great match like there was last year with Angle and Cena. The main event is lame and the whole car blowing up bit was eye rolling material, as we’ve seen Taker die so many times that it’s almost a cliché at this point. Not a memorable show at all and certainly not worth watching.

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No Mercy 2002
Date: October 20, 2002
Location: Alltel Arena, North Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was requested by someone and I can’t remember who. In name only this seems like a weak card but it’s actually pretty stacked. We have HHH vs. Kane in a title unification match, the match of the year with Edge/Mysterio vs. Benoit/Angle for the first Smackdown tag titles and Hell in a Cell with Lesnar vs. Taker. Let’s get to it.

Nothing special in the opening video. THERE WILL BE NO MERCY! Yeah that’s all they’ve got.

Raw Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust

The Canadians have the titles. Four separate entrances here which is kind of odd. Christian and Jericho just won the belts this past week on Raw. Booker vs. Christian starts us off. Christian is a glorified lower card guy at this point having been more or less completely left in the dust by Edge despite him having a title and Edge not at the moment. It sounds odd but it’s completely true.

Flying hips to the face of the Canadians keep Goldust in control. Jericho gets a middle rope dropkick as that first little bit was kind of quickly done and not in a good way. The fans are way behind Booker T. Goldust avoids a Christian dropkick and gets a rollup for two followed by a powerslam. No tag though as I guess he’s playing the face in peril here. Before I finished that sentence Booker comes in.

Apparently Booker and Jericho are feuding at this point so there’s your reasoning for the match I guess. You knew it wasn’t just because they’re both good tag teams right? Booker dominates for the most part here as he’s the hottest thing in the match and would get a title shot at Mania.

Back over to Goldust who hits Shattered Dreams on Christian and continues to abuse the balls of Christian by getting a drop toehold onto Jericho to send him into his partner’s crotch. Axe kick to Jericho gets two as Christian saves. Booker gets the missile dropkick and it’s Spinarooni time. Jericho goes for his running springboard dropkick but the ropes break. Well doesn’t that suck. Jericho bulldogs Goldust onto a title belt and hits a moonsault off the top to retain.

Rating: C-. You can’t hold the ropes breaking against them here but this match wasn’t very entertaining. It’s ok but it really is a Raw match with a bit more time on PPV. It wasn’t much at all with Goldust and Booker being a glorified comedy team as this is a backdrop for the Booker vs. Jericho feud which I’m never a fan of. Not terrible though.

Funaki, Smackdown NUMBER ONE announcer, is with Al Wilson. This was during the Dawn Marie marries Al Wilson to tick off Torrie. This resulted in Al “dying” and Dawn making out with Torrie in a lesbian/semi-incest angle that was hot but irritating at the same time. This is WAY too long as they show a bunch of clips but they have to fix the ring so we have hot women to look at I guess. It results in a Bill Clinton joke of all things.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

They’re not even called Divas all the time yet. Sweet GOODNESS Cole looks toolish here. The girls look great though. Torrie drills her to start and it’s on early. This is when the girls were just AWFUL in the ring. It’s this era and the next 2-3 years where the bad stereotypes come from. Torrie kept getting ring time and looked like a rookie in her first match for the better part of three years.

Dawn drops a head into the crotch of Torrie and Tazz wonders if that actually hurts. This is just freaking terrible. Rolling catfight spot as this is going nowhere at all. They can’t even do clotheslines right. YOU STICK YOUR ARM OUT. Why is this getting extended time??? Finally Torrie wins with a swinging neckbreaker.

Rating: D-. Girls looking this hot can’t be a failure. That’s all it’s got going for it though and I want to get away from it as fast as I can.

RVD says Flair is awesome and lists off some catchphrases of Naitch. He even struts and woos and does his own version of the limousine riding bit. It’s MUCH funnier than it sounds and it helps that Flair is a walking cartoon character.

In the same shot we see Brock and Heyman showing up and they have no comment. There’s also a decent looking woman named Tracy that is accusing Taker of being a cheater in his marriage. Actually that’s true but who cares about reality?

Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam

Flair is heel here and Evolution isn’t quite formed yet but would show up on February 3 of the following year (no I’m not that big of a geek. That’s my birthday). At Unforgiven (JR says Vengeance) Flair turned heel and hit RVD in the stomach with a sledgehammer to save HHH’s title. They go at it on the floor for a bit and Flair’s shoulder goes into the post before the bell rings.

Or has the match started already? Top rope dropkick hits Flair as the bell rings. Ok so it hadn’t started yet. Flair is only 53 here so he’s still a young dude in theory I guess. Flair takes out the knee and we’re officially in the Flair Formula. The main talking point is that Van Dam said he flies coach in the prematch promo. Lawler will not shut up about it and it’s kind of annoying. Yes Lawler is getting annoying. I’m stunned too.

The standard Flair beating goes on for a LONG time. And now we’re talking about the Tracy girl. Well sure why not. We get to the Figure Four after maybe three minutes and naturally it doesn’t end the thing since Flair is a heel and he loses the ability to win with a submission. Van Dam makes his comeback as this is borderline predictable.

Ross slips in his more time on the canvas than Rembrandt line as Flair is slammed off the top. Rolling Thunder gets two as Flair gets a foot on the ropes. And then there’s the Five Star to actually end it. It’s kind of weird to see Flair just jobbing cleanly like that. Most odd indeed.

Rating: D+. You’ve seen it once and you’ve seen it 1000 times. And yes I know how ironic that is given the last thing I said about the ending. This again belonged on Raw and not here but that’s typical for the most part. This went nowhere for the most part as Flair at least is almost good for putting someone over. Pretty weak match though.

Show is talking to Stephanie and Bischoff comes up to complain about it. Show wanted to leave Raw but Eric wouldn’t let him. He would be there by Survivor Series and a heel under Heyman’s leadership.

Since the IC Title dies tonight we get a video package on the history of the title. Cool stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble

Noble is champion here. Tajiri was the referee in a Noble/Nidia match on Smackdown for no apparent reason so Noble beat him up afterwards. Tajiri gets a baseball slide before the bell rings as that’s a running theme lately. Asai Moonsault hits and that’s about the extent of Tajiri’s offense for awhile.

Nice electric chair by Noble gets two. Pretty much domination by the champion so far. Tazz and Cole imply these three are in a three way relationship or something but that never went anywhere. The commentary is far more sexual in nature than what you would be used to in WWE today.

Jamie gets knocked off the top rope as he tries a suplex so Tajiri gets to miss a moonsault now. He does get a tornado DDT but doesn’t cover for no apparent reason. Both guys down now. Both guys up now. Tajiri unleashes that martial arts rush which is always awesome. Handspring elbow has Jamie in big trouble. German suplex gets two.

There’s the Tarantula and Jamie is reeling. Big kick misses and the Tiger Bomb is countered. There’s the kick and Nidia kisses the referee so he can’t make the count. And there’s the Tiger Bomb for two which is surprising. Tajiri goes for a victory roll but Nidia trips him so Jamie can dive into it for the Owen Hart at Mania X pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here and at least they allowed Tajiri to get in more offense than it looked like he was going to get. It’s nothing great or anything like that but this was definitely watchable and the whole thing worked pretty well. It’s a shame no one cared about this or it might have been interesting.

Tajiri kisses her post match. Noble kisses her too. Tajiri kicks the living heck out of him while he does though.

Benoit is looking for Eddie and says that Angle is kicking Chavo’s teeth in at the moment. Eddie goes off to find him and Benoit follows. Eddie finds the door they’re behind and makes noises with his mouth. Eddie thinks Benoit is faking so that Angle can take him down.

It’s clearly Chavo yelling but Eddie says that sounds like a little girl. And then Angle throws Chavo through the door. This was…..uh yeah. Apparently they did the same thing on Smackdown and Angle was suckering Eddie in. Out of context this is nuts but that makes sense.

We recap the monster Kane face push that resulted him in being the IC Champion and getting the shot at HHH here because it’s winner take all since WWE decided there was going to be one title per show for no apparent reason at all. Kane talked about being all happy for the first time in his life. And then, HHH asked Kane about Katie Vick.

Yes it’s THAT Katie Vick. The idea was that there was some chick that Kane knew (despite allegedly being burned horribly and never knowing anyone but Paul Bearer). He drove her home one night and they wrecked, killing her. Then HHH went to a funeral home and simulated sex with a mannequin while wearing a Kane mask, implying that Kane raped her corpse. This might be the lowest the company ever got.

Raw World Title/Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Kane

Since Lesnar had gone to Smackdown as the Undisputed Champion the World Heavyweight Championship had been made for HHH as the Raw title. That was last month so the ending is pretty clear here. We hear the stupid line of that title dating back to 1904 (it was 1905 until they decided it was 04 when HHH got it) which is complete nonsense.

In short, the NWA Title was unified with a title that dated back to 1905. That title LOOKS like the NWA Title so it has the same lineage. That’s the extent of the WWE’s logic. Lawler says Kane needs Liquid Courage to face HHH. Well it would certainly help him with his covers. And now onto the match.

Kane pushes him around to start and then drills HHH. An amusing thing here is that Lawler keeps calling Kane the Animal. Batista was either already on Smackdown or would be debuting any week now. I think he’s already there though. All Kane so far. He beats on HHH for about the first three minutes more or less non stop. HHH gets a bad reverse neckbreaker to take Kane down. Naturally he sits up to take care of that.

Facebuster buys HHH some time and he sends Kane to the floor. Back in the ring and HHH hits another neckbreaker. Make that three. Dang he sticks to stuff he likes doesn’t he? Ross says if Kane wins he’ll be the first masked World’s Heavyweight Champion. I guess they’re pushing that whole separate titles thing. Spinebuster puts Kane down again.

HHH keeps up the offense on the neck and throat with a slingshot up into the middle rope to keep Kane down even longer. Off to a sleeper now and Kane is reeling. Down he goes as Lawler makes death jokes. Those are pretty creepy actually. This match is pretty plodding and not much is going on here at all. Sidewalk Slam by Kane gets no cover as he’s broken the sleeper and is in control again.

Top rope clothesline hits and here’s Ric Flair because a title match can’t be clean right? Down goes the referee and Flair won’t leave. What a shocker. Belt to Kane’s face gets a two without much drama at all. Hurricane, Kane’s partner, comes out and beats up Flair but walks into a Pedigree. Kane sits up and it’s on again.

HHH comes off the middle and top rope and neither of them work. Chokeslam is blocked and down goes the referee again. To the floor now and HHH takes a chokeslam through the Spanish Announce Table. Flair comes in with the sledgehammer but Kane stops it. HHH gets a low blow and a hammer shot but walks into a chokeslam. Flair (again) breaks up the pin and takes a chokeslam as a result. Back in and HHH hits the Pedigree to retain and retire the IC Title.

Rating: D. This more or less is what would happen in Raw World Title matches for the vast majority of the next year and a half. HHH would get dominated by a big guy but then Flair and the sledgehammer would come into play and HHH would of course retain. Kane more or less was done for a good while after this as he didn’t get to do anything because it was world title or nothing. That was the stupid part of the whole thing but it took about 9 months for them to realize it. The match sucked due to all of the garbage in it though.

Stephanie talks to the Tracy girl about the Undertaker thing and she admits Heyman made the whole thing up and she’s just going along with it. They had a relationship before he married Taker. This is “confidentially between the two of them.” I guess the camera means nothing.

We recap the tag team tournament and basically the two teams have been flying through the whole thing and are unstoppable. If Benoit and Angle fight they’re both suspended for a year.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Edge vs. Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle

This was the undisputed match of the year so this more or less has to be awesome. Edge is about as hot as possible here and Rey is pretty new here. Yeah he had been around only three months or so here. Edge is just straight up awesome here and the whole thing is just greatness. Angle vs. Rey to start us off. We have what, about 25 world titles in there? Angle takes him to the mat and slaps him in the back of the head to be a jerk.

Kurt is really the only heel in this match. He literally throws Rey into his own corner because he wants a grownup apparently. Rey won’t tag out though because he wants Angle. They had a great opener at Summerslam so this works for me. Rey can’t get out of much of anything so he steps on Kurt’s foot and hits him with what can only be called an FU.

He busts out the speed and slaps Angle in the back of the head just like Kurt did earlier. The announce table being in pieces is funny for some reason. Here’s Edge to a big old pop. This is before Edge hurt his neck so he’s a totally different worker here. Off to Benoit now. Expect a LOT of play by play here as if the reviews I’ve heard are any indication there isn’t going to be much to make fun of.

The Canadians do a much more technical sequence and it’s a lot more entertaining than you would think a side headlock should be. Edge gets a knee to Benoit’s ribs and focuses on them for a while. Flapjack and a rollup get two. And there’s a knee from Kurt as Edge hits the ropes to give Benoit an advantage. They try the same thing again but Edge spears him this time.

Benoit and Angle double team Edge in a very nice sequence. Back to Angle now. The fans are all over him which is always good to hear. Better for them to be making noise at all than to be bored. Rear naked choke to Edge and Rey is getting antsy. Tazz adds in something by saying Angle is making sure Edge is facing his partner to mess with his head. Nicely done Mr. suplex machine.

Edge gets a big boot but walks into a belly to belly for two and here’s Chris again. Here are the rolling Germans as Edge is getting the tar beaten out of him. Benoit goes a little heel by drilling Rey to keep him from making the save. Benoit goes up for the headbutt and down he comes off a big old superplex.

There’s the big tag to Rey and he cranks things WAY up. The good thing is that he’s in there against two guys that can do the same thing. He sets Benoit for a Bronco Buster but goes with a running dropkick instead. HUH-FREAKING-ZAH! Rey and Benoit crank things up ever more but Benoit gets a counter and hooks up the Crossface until Edge finally saves.

Edge vs. Angle on the floor along with Benoit and Rey in the ring. 619 is blocked by Benoit but Edge hits a missile dropkick to drive Rey onto Benoit for a long two. This is all happening at a very fast pace. Rey goes up but Angle JUMPS from the mat to the top for the HUGE belly to belly off the top for another long two. Benoit’s face is like WHAT at that.

Angle in now vs. Rey as things slow down a bit. Rey starts a bit of a comeback but gets caught in a quick suplex and crashes for two. Back to the short and crazy Canadian now. After more of a beating Rey gets a headscissors to send Benoit into the post and we get double tags to bring in Edge vs. Kurt. Edge-O-Matic gets two and everyone is back in again.

Spear in the corner to Benoit and there’s the Bronco Buster. I withdraw my former HUZZAH! Spear in the corner again to Angle and Edge sits him on the middle rope. Rey runs at Edge who throws him into the air for a big old rana. Benoit looks to save with the diving headbutt but it crushes Angle and only gets two. Angle busts out a German from nowhere for two. He shouts at Edge to go to the middle which Edge does.

In a VERY nice spot, Rey runs at Edge who belly to bellies him into Angle to take down the bald one. That’s what he gets for calling spots that loudly. Benoit saves the spear and grabs the Crossface and Edge is in trouble but he gets a rope. He won’t let go so Rey hits a 619 out of somewhere. Angle Slam takes out Rey and Angle locks on the ankle lock.

Edge kicks off and grabs a small package for two. Spear gets two as Benoit saves and Rey takes out Benoit. Rey gets a running start at Edge again and Edge catches him and gives him a very nice launch into a moonsault to take out Benoit. SICK counter out of the Edgecution by Angle into the ankle lock. Edge counters that into an ankle lock of his own but Angle is all like OH NO YOU DIDN’T and counters into an ankle lock for the tap out and the titles. Sweet goodness as Cole says he’s going to applaud them for it.

Rating: A+. OH YES. Now this is what you get when you have two teams out there that are young and moving as fast as they can to make something look awesome. Smackdown was supposed to be the wrestling show back then and it certainly was.

These four plus Brock and Eddie were known as the Smackdown Six and were more or less there to have great matches every week. This is another fine example of it and it worked like a charm. Great match with some INSANE counters and saves and double teaming. Go watch it. Like now.

A doctor tells Taker that he shouldn’t give Taker a shot in the broken hand/wrist that he has. Nice to see him getting this maybe 15 minutes before the match starts.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Sweet merciful goodness Trish looks amazingly good tonight. She’s in her standard stuff but the blue with the long blonde hair and the big smile is WORKING. Victoria is currently known as Tara in TNA. Total bring the crowd down match after the awesome match they just had. Victoria is a bit more hardcore than the rest of the Divas. Trish was pretty good in the ring by this point and can more than carry herself.

You can tell that Trish has talent as she’s not afraid to go after Victoria here and clearly looks comfortable out there doing what she’s doing. When you watch the Divas today for the most part they clearly have to stop and make sure they’re doing everything right. With Trish like most of the male wrestlers, you can see she’s mostly going on instinct which is the better way of doing things.

Victoria in control here as she hits a front flip slingshot legdrop and then botches the heck out of a monkey flip to the extent that Trish landed on Victoria rather than hitting the mat. Victoria throws on an old school backbreaker which is the kind where they throw the other girl over her shoulder and pulls down. A big spinning sideslam gets no cover so Trish gets an electric chair drop for two. Chick Kick gets two before a neckbreaker and rollup end it.

Rating: D. This was just there but the sloppiness of it hurt things. Trish was getting a lot better but still wasn’t as great as she would get. Victoria wasn’t a character yet and was just a bit nuts and said that Trish slept her way to the top of the fitness modeling world. She would get the title the next month in a hardcore match. This was pretty much nothing.

Post match Victoria kicks the blonde’s head off.

We get a clip of Rikishi being thrown off the top of the Cell in 2000. Rikishi is at the World (WWE nightclub/restaurant) and says the match is no joke. He predicts Taker wins it.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Taker vs. Lesnar. They had a match at Unforgiven where Taker lost by DQ when he threw Brock through the set. In short he just didn’t want to put Lesnar over so they gave them two matches in a row. Lesnar has been champion for two months here so this is his second major title defense. Brock broke Taker’s hand and we threw in that Tracy chick who meant nothing apparently. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

In the Cell remember. Taker keeps lunging at Brock and gets taken to the mat for his trouble. Big powerslam gets two for the champion and there’s the cast to Lesnar’s ribs after he misses a charge in the corner. Brock tries to escape but can’t get out so he hammers on the arm instead. He goes with an armbar which isn’t something you often see in a Cell match.

Taker blasts him in the head with it which is a double edged sword. Actually it’s a hard cast but you get the metaphor. Brock is busted BAD. Heyman is all freaked out. Brock is bleeding but there’s been worse in ECW so I guess he’s mellowed. They hit the floor and Taker beats the tar out of him and covers on the floor for two. You can do that? I don’t remember that before.

More cast shots which all of a sudden don’t hurt him. I guess he’s lucky that the shot he got kicked in sometime between the first big shot with it and this set of them. Lesnar gets put in place for the apron legdrop but Taker goes up and drops a knee (I think) from the top instead for two on the floor again. Heyman shouts at Brock to get away from Taker. Taker kicks Heyman through the cage in a nice shot.

He follows that up by grabbing Paul’s tie and pulling on it to slam him into the cage. Taker gets out of the way of a charging Brock who crashes into Heyman too. DAng he’s taken a beating tonight. Brock gets a good shot in though and sends him into the cage. Heyman is busted open too. He slips his belt in and ties Taker up with it so Lesnar can annihilate him a bit. Heyman shouting YOU’RE GONNA DIE is great stuff.

Lesnar, a 300lb beast, swings a chair about ten times to drill Taker’s hand each time. So in other words, Taker is probably in need of major surgery now on it. Let’s see if it hurts at all. Brock gets the cast off or at least tries to. Heyman sounds demonic out there. There goes the cast completely as they’re actually in the ring now.

In a cool spot, Brock sits him on the top rope and uses the top of the cage to lift himself up and throw kicks at Taker. Taker blocks a superplex despite being more or less dead. He knocks Lesnar to the mat and manages to drop an elbow off the top with the right hand and seems to be just fine. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not used to seeing Taker’s bare hand. Taker kicks Brock into the cage and has momentum again.

Taker dives through the ropes and more or less completely misses but Brock sells it anyway. Cole thinks Taker’s broken right hand could be a weakness for him. Wow indeed. Steps to the head take Taker down again and busts him open. More steps to the head and Taker is more or less done. His face is COVERED in blood.

Back in the ring Brock gets a big spinebuster for two. ZERO pop for the kickout. And naturally Taker is able to throw big right hands and is “running on adrenaline” apparently. Oh give me a break. The blood on the camera is always a nice touch. Old School is blocked and Brock takes over again. Tazz: Undertaker has never been pinned or submitted. What the heck is this guy on?

F5 is reversed into a chokeslam for two which gets a bigger pop than the kickout did a minute ago. Brock goes for a Last Ride and is reversed. DDT gets two.  Good night Taker is bleeding badly. Brock does the punches in the corner which Taker counters with the Last Ride for two as Brock’s bloody hand grabs the rope.

In something SICK on the cover, Taker’s blood drips onto Brock’s face. That’s not good at all and really isn’t safe in the slightest. That’s a big reason as to why the blood policy is a good thing. Taker goes for the Tombstone and Brock is like screw this let’s end it and counters it before literally throwing Taker onto his shoulders for the F5 to retain. We then get what is supposed to be an iconic scene as he grabs the title and climbs to the top of the Cell where he holds it over his head to end the show.

Rating: C. Hard one to call here as the match itself is more or less crap. It’s about 27 minutes long and at least 15 of that is spent on the floor. Taker’s hand thing was eye rolling levels of stupid as all of a sudden a shot is able to heal 5 chair shots from Brock Lesnar to a broken hand. Brock looked great here, but the main reason this is a decent grade is the blood.

If you like bloody matches, RUN out and find a copy of this show. Taker’s blood is absolutely insane as you can’t see his face and it looks like there’s a hole in his forehead. It’s a big brawl but Taker was really looking bad out there, both from how his face looked to how he was working. I didn’t like the match, but the blood was insane.

Overall Rating: D+. This isn’t quite a one match show but it’s very close. The tag match is required viewing, but other than that there isn’t anything absolutely worth seeing. The Cell match is a very case by case basis of whether or not you should watch it. Other than that though everything here is very hit or miss and nothing you couldn’t find anywhere with relative ease. This show isn’t terrible, but it’s not very good. Tag title match is absolutely worth seeing though. Other than that, not really worth it.

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No Mercy 2003
Date: October 19, 2003
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re finally back to WWE PPVs here with three more No Mercy’s. This is a smackdown show with the main event being a Biker Chain match with Brock defending against Taker. Also on the card is Vince vs. Stephanie where Stephanie is fighting for control of the brand. This is the culmination of a VERY badly received feud between these two where they wouldn’t get off of the show no matter how much people said they were sick of Vince vs. Steph. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Stephanie vs. Vince. This was by far and away pushed as the main event of the show. This is tied into home movies of the two of them and how she was daddy’s little girl. Oh and there’s a world title match too.

The set looks cheap and like it had about 4 seconds of thought put into it.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending and is the EVIL Japanese guy who spat mist at Nidia to blind her recently. They tie up and roll to the floor quickly but head back in to strike it off. Rey goes into a leglock to control which is reversed into an armbar by Tajiri. Rey dropkicks the knee out and counters the handspring elbow with a dropkick to the back. There’s a big dive and the crowd gets into it a bit.

Back in Rey goes up but has his arm draped over the top and the champ takes over. Tajiri kicks him HARD in the corner and works over the arm again. Rey hits his climbing the ropes wristdrag but Tajiri kicks him in the arm again and adds one to the head to take over. No one has been able to keep an advantage that long at all. They go up but Tajiri is knocked off, allowing Rey to hit a tornado DDT for two.

Springboard crossbody gets two as well. Crucifix is countered by Tajiri but Rey counters into a pin attempt of his own. With one good arm, Rey uses his legs to send Tajiri to the floor and adds a rana to take over. Back in Tajiri kicks him in the stomach and whips him in but Rey comes back with a 619 to the ribs. West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for a close two.

Rey gets launched onto the top but lands on his feet and hits a moonsault press for two. AWESOME looking sequence. Rey rolls through a sunset flip and hits a dropkick to the face. Here comes the 619 and Tajiri is in big trouble. Mysterio hits the West Coast Pop but a “fan” runs in. Rey goes after him, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The fan was Jimmy Yang who was supposed to be part of Tajiri’s Yakuza faction which never really came together. As for the match, the selling hurt this one a lot for me as Rey’s arm seemed fine after about ten seconds and Tajiri didn’t really sell anything at all. It’s a good opener but nothing really memorable.

Vince says anyone that interferes tonight is fired and will be blacklisted from this business. Josh Matthews looks like he’s about 14 here.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train got probably the biggest push of his career at this point as he was in the midcard. This would more or less be the last part of said push. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” Benoit tries to go for the knee but A-Train runs him over with the power. Train throws him to the floor again and Benoit isn’t sure what to do with him. A-Train takes over again and pounds him down, hitting a splash for two.

We talk about Stu Hart dying three days before this as A-Train stomps away even more. Cole praises him as he always does while Train pounds on Benoit’s neck in the corner. He hits that slingshot into the middle rope move he used most of the time to further work on Benoit’s neck. Train loads up a Pedigree grip but lifts Benoit into the air and drives Benoit’s head into his knee, getting two and a busted mouth for the Wolverine.

Benoit fires back but Train rams him down with a double ax to the chest. Off to a bow and arrow hold but Benoit speeds things up and hits a DDT to slow the Train down. In a big change of pace, the American hits a German on the Canadian to put him down. A-Train goes to the floor and pulls in a chair. Train tries something on Benoit but Benoit tries to slide down into a sunset flip. Instead, Benoit falls and lands ON HIS HEAD on the chair. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Benoit grabs the Crossface but A-Train counters. Instead it’s Rolling Germans time but A-Train gets up and slams him off the top to counter the Swan Dive. The bald one mocks the Benoit throat slit signal and looks to go up. He realizes how crazy that would be and comes down for a Derailer (chokebomb) instead. That only gets two so he loads up the bicycle kick. He kicks through the chair in the corner though, making Benoit dragon screw him and the Sharpshooter gets the tap.

Rating: C. This was better than I would have expected, but then again it’s Benoit against a big monster. That’s probably what he’s second best at and it worked well here. A-Train wouldn’t mean anything after this and after Benoit took everything he had, I can’t say I disagree with that. Decent match but I’m not sure it belonged on PPV.

Matt looks for Shannon Moore in the back for his match but finds him being choked by Heidenreich. Heidenreich talks about Little Johnny which is something they never really explained. There’s something about a highlight video being thrown away and Heidenreich being mad about it. Matt calms him down.

We acknowledge the presence of a bunch of military people heading to Iraq tomorrow. That’s a new war at this point.

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

Gowen is the guy with one leg that got pushed to the moon for some reason. Matt’s Facts for the night: Matt cannot be grossed out and Matt has survived five car wrecks. This has something to do with Brock breaking Gowen’s leg and Matt declaring a win over Gowen at Summerslam. Gowen uses his speed and some kicks to take over. A middle rope bulldog gets two.

Shannon breaks up a springboard to give Matt his first advantage. A big clothesline flips Gowen inside out for two. Matt hooks a suplex and works on the arms for some reason. Hey Matt, GO FOR THE LEG! Matt goes up and misses a moonsault as Gowen tries to get the crowd to care. Gowen kicks Matt to the floor and hits a somersalt plancha to the floor. Cross body gets two back inside. Matt grabs the Side Effect for two. Gowen goes up again but Matt follows. Hardy is knocked off and a moonsault by Gowen gets the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s the last you’ll see of Zach Gowen. That’s one of the more questionable booking choices you’ll ever see but it’s WWE in 2003 so what are you expecting? Gowen was supposed to be a feel good story but the word from backstage was that he was a total jerk who thought he was some huge star. I never got the appeal of him.

Linda appeals to Vince to not have the match. He says he’s going through with it but changes the rules of the match: Stephanie can pin him instead of just winning by submission. Oh and the match is now no holds barred.

Basham Brothers vs. APA

This is about the APA hurting the Basham’s manager Shaniqua. The Bashams are named Doug and Danny, which are the names of my uncles so I’ve always liked this team. Bradshaw is blonde here which doesn’t work for him at all. He and Doug start things off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Off to Danny who has no luck, just like his brother. Were they brothers? I know they really aren’t but were they on screen? I’m not sure.

Doug gets in a shot to take over but his splash hits Farrooq’s knees and a brawl breaks out. Cole and Tazz get into a stupid argument as the Dominator is escaped. The Bashams hit a double belly to back suplex for two and Farrooq is in trouble. Bradshaw runs in to try to help his partner, because doing it a minute ago worked oh so well.

Off to a chinlock to eat up a few minutes until Farrooq hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag. Bradshaw cleans house and hits the powerbomb for two on Danny. Everything breaks down and it’s Last Calls (fall away slam) all around. There goes the referee and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline. Shaniqua comes in and hits Bradshaw with a club of some sort for the pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible I guess, but what in the world was the reason to give this nine minutes on PPV? Also why did we have to see Shaniqua in a dominatrix outfit? The match should have been on Smackdown or cut in half, but that’s the danger of single branded PPVs. The Bashams were the flavor of the month on Smackdown while the APA would split in March.

The Bashams and Shaniqua celebrate in the back and Shaniqua talks about her chest swelling, which is her explanation for some plastic surgery. Whipping is promised. I didn’t need to see this.

We recap Vince vs. Stephanie, which of course gets the biggest build of anything on the show. They were all nice and close (the Alliance Era being completely overlooked I guess) and Vince made her the GM of Smackdown. There was something about Vince sleeping with Sable and wanting Steph to resign and A-Train was involved, beating up Stephanie. The recaps were really weak back then, making it hard to tell what was going on. Vince wanted Steph to quit but she wouldn’t resulting in an I Quit match where the loser would have to resign their job. The acting is cringe worthy.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

I Quit match and Stephanie can win by pin as well. It’s also no holds barred and no one can interfere on her behalf. Linda is here too to make sure this match is acted even worse. Sable is with Vince. Vince jumps Stephanie to start. He’s evil you know. Stephanie jumps on his back and screams a lot. She kicks him into the corner so he runs her over. Vince throws her around and Cole is up to about 20 “THAT’S HIS DAUGHTER” lines a minute.

Sable slaps Stephanie so Linda chases her around. Vince hooks a half crab and Stephanie screams a lot. Off to a bow and arrow and Stephanie can’t even sell her face properly. Sable slides in a pipe but Linda stops her. Vince grabs Linda so she slaps him and Steph hits Vince low with the pipe for two. She pulls the pipe back and hits him in the ribs and the back and in the face but Vince doesn’t go down. A shot from the middle rope to the top of the head gets two.

This match has been going on about four minutes and I already hate it. Sable gets in a fight with Stephanie so Stephanie rams Vince into her and bulldogs him for two. She gets the pipe again but Vince grabs her by the throat and shoves her down. Now Vince has the pipe and hits her inthe ribs. He chokes her with the pipe and Linda shouts to quit because it’s not worth it. Linda throws in the towel because Stephanie can’t give up. You know, to protect her reputation and all that.

Rating: F. This got more of a build than the world title match, the US Title match and the Angle vs. Cena match. You figure out why this was a failure.

We get about four minutes of replays and Vince gloating because we really need to drive the point home. Stephanie does the big walkout because people are supposed to care. Paul Heyman would replace her as GM. Cole and Tazz treat this like Stephanie was murdered in front of us.

We recap Cena vs. Angle. Cena is a rapper here who says he’s the real American icon and Angle is jealous about replacing him. Cena is the heel here which is a rare sight. This gets the music video treatment. There was a battle rap which was pretty funny, as was Angle dressing as a “thug”. There was an Angle midget too, which is the height of WWE comedy.

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena does a quick rap implying that Kurt is stupid and isn’t, uh, large. Oh and he’s gay. Cena as a totally disrespectful young punk is an interesting character for him. Angle is here as the old veteran that’s going to beat respect into Cena. Kurt takes him to the mat and runs him all over the place. Cena gets to the corner and looks terrified. The fans chant for Cena as the fans are still starting to like him here.

John runs him over a few times but Kurt easily takes him to the mat and works on the arm again. Angle ducks under a right hand and flips Cena a double bird. Cena comes back with a HARD clothesline and gets to the ground and pound. Angle comes back with a shoulder to the ribs in the corner but a second one hits post. Neckbreaker gets two for Cena. Protobomb gets the same and it’s off to the front facelock.

The dueling chants begin and Angle fires off some punches but he walks into a spinebuster for two. Cena goes up but Angle runs the corner. He gets knocked off so Cena jumps off with a double ax, but Angle dropkicks the knee on the way down. I can’t believe it: Angle actually hurting the leg before the ankle lock. Kurt wins a slugout and hits a Russian legsweep for two. He grabs the ankle lock but Cena grabs the rope immediately.

Out to the floor but they’re back in before I finish typing that sentence. They slug it out on the apron and Angle tries to German him off to the floor. Cena counters and DDTs him (landing on the shoulder) onto the apron to put Kurt down. Angle staggers back in but Cena dives off the top with the Fameasser for two. Kurt comes back with a German but Cena dropkicks Kurt’s knee out. Throwback gets two.

Cena misses a charge and it’s time for the the Rolling Germans which get two. Kurt can’t follow up so Cena hits a Buckle Bomb for two. The FU hits but Angle gets out at 2.9. I know the finish to the match already and even I thought that was going to be three. Another FU is countered into the Angle Slam but Cena gets out at two as well. Cena gets the chain but has them taken away. Gold medals to the head get two. Another FU attempt is countered into a backslide for two. FU is countered into the ankle lock and Cena taps. There’s something you don’t see everyday.

Rating: B+. It’s Cena vs. Angle for 18 minutes. What were you expecting here? Cena was nowhere near as good as he’d get but you could see the abilities here that were about to shine through. The near falls in this were great and it was clear that they had something special with Cena. He would turn face by Mania and would win the US Title there and the world title the next year.

Wrestlemania is coming.

We recap Big Show vs. Eddie. Eddie poured human wasted on Show so Show destroyed Eddie on a truck.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show

Eddie is defending. His back looks AWFUL from going through the windshield of the truck on Smackdown. Eddie jumps Show to start which goes about as well as you would expect. Show comes back with a clothesline and works over the bad back of Eddie. Guerrero manages to duck a charging Show and send him to the outside. Eddie throws in a chair to distract the referee then whacks Show in the head with a trashcan lid.

Back in and Eddie chops him which just angers the monster. He takes it to the floor and rams Eddie into the barricade. Back in and Show stays on the back. The fans aren’t all that thrilled but Eddie manages to ram Show’s head into the exposed buckle. When the buckle was exposed I’m not sure but it certainly was exposed. Froggy Cross Body gets two and the referee gets crushed.

Eddie pulls out a foreign object to clock Show and wakes up the referee for a two count. He hits Show in the head with the title and hits the Frog Splash but the slow count only gets two. Show’s arm didn’t actually get off the mat but whatever. Eddie charges into a spinebuster for two. There’s a chokeslam but Eddie gets his foot on the rope at two. Eddie kicks him low to break up another chokeslam and a DDT puts Show down for two. And then a chokeslam gives Show the title. Totally anti-climactic ending.

Rating: C-. This was pretty dull. The problem as always with Big Show is that it’s hard for anyone to get much realistic offense in on him. Eddie was certainly trying here but the ending didn’t help anything at all. It just happened and that’s usually the worst kind of a loss. Eddie would be world champion in February, so I don’t get this one at all.

Show says he told us so.

We recap Brock vs. Taker. Brock had turned heel recently and was Vince’s main monster so Taker is his first challenger. This gets another music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

This is a Biker Chain match which means chain on a pole. Brock runs from Taker to start but Taker grabs the arm. Lesnar hooks a bearhug to block it, so Taker spends the next two minutes trying to get the stupid thing but still can’t hook it. FINALLY he hits the thing and rolls Brock up for two. The chain is optional apparently. Out to the floor and Taker is sent into the barricade to give the champ control.

Brock takes over back in the ring and rams Taker into the corner. Fisherman’s suplex gets two. The crowd doesn’t care at all here. Out to the floor again and Taker hits an elbow to the face. Taker comes back with a clothesline for two and then hot shots Brock to buy himself a break. Taker goes after the chain and the lights go out. He hops down and Brock breaks up his run up the corner.

A powerslam gets two for the champ. This is so boring it’s unreal. The steps are brought in so this is No DQ I guess. Brock does the Raven drop toehold to send Taker into the steps. Deadman blocks some shots into the steps and knocks Lesnar to the floor. Taker follows and piledrives Brock onto the steps. Cole thinks Taker might have gotten the worst of it. How exactly? Brock is down, Taker is up and walking around. Why am I trying to figure Cole out?

Taker goes after the chain again but Brock saves. As he brings Taker down, Brock gets caught in a triangle choke over the top rope. Back in and the steps go into Taker’s head for two. The steps are kicked into Brock’s head on the second attempt. The steps are accidentally thrown to the floor and Taker loads up the Last Ride. Lesnar escapes and they collide to put both guys down.

Clothesline sets up snake eyes which sets up the big boot. Taker calls for the chokeslam but Lesnar counters and hits a spinebuster for two. The cover is countered into a triangle choke minus the choke. The chain has been completely forgotten here. Lesnar powerbombs out of the choke and knocks Undertaker down again. Brock gets caught in a standing Dragon Sleeper but he counters into the F5. This is a lot less interesting than it sounds. The F5 gets two.

Brock goes for the chain but gets chokeslammed off the top. Naturally Taker looks for the chain instead of covering the dead champion. It wakes the crowd up at least but the freaking FBI runs in to break up the attempt. They’re a jobbing trio that Taker beat up earlier in the year. Taker beats them up and the F5 is countered into the Last Ride. Ok, so Lesnar is done. Taker’s next move? The Taker Dive onto the FBI. Why are faces such idiots? Nunzio goes after the chain but Taker knocks him down and FINALLY gets the chain. Then Vince pops up to crotch Taker and Brock gets the chain and knocks Taker out to retain.

Rating: D-. AWFUL ending to a boring match. It was like the whole point of this match was to bore the crowd as much as they could and then tease them with something interesting before the fourth guy running in could cause the ending. This set up Survivor Series with Taker vs. Vince which set up Taker leaving and becoming the Dead Man again. Just awful here though and no one cared until about 22 minutes in.

Overall Rating: D. It’s not the worst show ever, but it’s that awful combination of bad and boring which only a few shows have. Angle vs. Cena is quite good but the rest of it is stuff that isn’t required viewing at all. This is a show you easily could have passed on and I’d assume most people probably did, especially due to Vince and Stephanie being pushed this hard. Bad show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 20, 2012
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s on to Ventura Country as we have six Raws to go before Wrestlemania. After last night, nothing has really changed. Cena beat Kane and Punk kept the title, so I’m not really sure what all I can say to fill in this space. Oh Undertaker will officially be on Raw tonight to confront HHH about a potential Wrestlemania match. That’s about all I’ve got so let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Cena/Kane/Ryder/Eve and that whole ordeal.

Eve and the Bellas are in the back and the Bellas are upset. Eve laughs off calling Ryder a great guy and talks about how she used him to get everyone talking about her. Now she’s got the big fish (Cena) on the hook and tonight she’s going to get him. She tells the Bellas to film her going into his locker room. Eve turns to leave and walks into Cena who walks away with a chuckle on his face.

Here’s Cena to the arena but before he can say anything Eve comes out. She says it was taken out of context but Cena cuts her off. She says they were friends and Cena said she cost him a friend in Ryder. Cena: “You made me lose a broski for a hoski.” And yes there’s a Hoski chant. Cena says she should hold out for Rock instead because they’re both scandalous and will use whoever it takes to get what they want.

Eve gets on her knees and cries as the fans chant a combination of Hoski and Rock. She jumps up and awkwardly hugs him but the referees pull her off. He says he’s disease free and would like to keep it that way. The fans chant Woo Woo Woo You Know It as she leaves in tears.

Smackdown is LIVE tomorrow night. Awesome.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Now here’s an opener for you. Sheamus vs. Bryan is official for Mania. Henry pounds him down in the corner to start but Sheamus fights back. He hits the top rope shoulder block for two. Hoeski is trending worldwide which makes me smile. Sheamus hits the forearms to the chest with the Wrestlemania sign above him in a cool visual. Henry pounds him down again and this a few splashes in the corner. Sheamus has some BIG red marks on his back. He escapes the World’s Strongest Slam and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:13.

Rating: B-. Not a horrible power match here, especially if Henry is just now getting back to full strength after his injury. Also that’s the first time I can remember Sheamus pinning Henry clean which is a good touch, especially after they split some matches last year. This was good for Sheamus to get a win over a big name.

Ace and Otunga are talking about the Chamber being a success when Teddy comes in. He says this isn’t his home and if it was, he wouldn’t be hanging with them. Ace says he didn’t know those three would come out last night. Teddy likes the idea of one of them running both brands. He says we should ask the WWE Universe. Ace says he doesn’t care about what the people think. It’s about what the Board of Directors thinks.

Ace rubs in that he’s taller than Teddy so Teddy calls him a pile of manure. There’s a ten man battle royal and the winner gets the title shot at Wrestlemania. Seriously, THAT’S IT? Also Otunga vs. a Smackdown guy tonight. Oh and Otunga looks like Pee Wee Herman’s fairy godmama in that bowtie.

HHH will talk to Undertaker later. This is set to……my goodness it’s set to Memory Remains by Metallica. I can’t believe I heard that on Raw.

Rock is here next week.

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Primo/Epico

Non-title here. Hopefully Kofi doesn’t get stuck in another tag team. Truth and Epico start us off and a clothesline gets two for Truth. Truth does nothing of note until the champs take over with some double teaming. Off to Kofi who cleans house with his high flying. Boom Drop to Primo but Epico distracts Kofi and guillotines him on the top. Not that it matters as Trouble in Paradise ends this in 2:20.

Jericho says he wasn’t eliminated last night. Jericho looks old here. He wants to know how Punk can claim to be champion after that. Tonight is the end of the world and he’ll prove it in the battle royal.

David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Well it is Black History Month. Otunga takes him down but Jackson hits his clotheslines. A splash misses and Jackson hits the post. Otunga’s spinebuster ends this in 1:36. Otunga’s music is awful.

We recap the HHH/Shawn stuff from last week. Undertaker is coming next but we only see his shoes.

Here’s Undertaker and I’m curious as to what the new look is like. He has a hood over his head but there doesn’t appear to be much hair underneath it. Taker looks skinny here. He talks about how bad it’s been having to spend the last year thinking about Wrestlemania. Taker talks about how this needs to happen one more time because the apocalypse of their generation of wrestlers is here. This is bigger than the two of them.

Here’s HHH who gets cut off quick. Taker says HHH’s excuses are pitiful and they have to do this. HHH says their fate is to continue this forever. HHH is here to make sure there’s a WWE in the future and Taker is here to be the leader. He won’t be the one to extinguish the torch Undertaker carries. He goes to leave but Taker calls him back. Taker wants to know if it’s bad for business if HHH is gone.

HHH says Taker knows it’s bad for business or whatever. Taker isn’t asking for redemption or vengeance or whatever. He’s asking for an end. Taker wants HHH to finish him but HHH will not be the one that does it. Taker says at the end of the day all HHH is going to see in the mirror is a coward. HHH goes off but just as he’s about to accept the match he catches himself. It’s still no. HHH gets out of the ring and Taker says that HHH knows he couldn’t do it because Shawn couldn’t do it, and HHH knows Shawn was always better than him.

That makes HHH take the jacket and tie off and get back in. He says this isn’t about being better than Shawn because HHH knows he can finish Undertaker. The fans chant prove it and HHH says he’s more certain than ever before. It’s officially on. If they do this, they go all the way: Hell In A Cell. NOW THERE’S A TWIST.

Daniel Bryan vs. Santino Marella

A big Santino chant starts it off and he loads up the Cobra quickly. Santino tries a rollup but gets caught in the LeBell Lock and it’s over at 54 seconds.

Kelly Kelly/Aksana vs. Bella Twins

Kelly starts but it’s off to Aksana quickly. That’s Nikki in there to start. She tries to throw Aksana to the floor but manages to fall out herself. Twin Magic and an X-Factor pins Aksana at 2:20.

We come back from a break with Cena in the ring. He wants to talk about The Rock who isn’t here yet but he’ll be here next week. Cena doesn’t like the Rocky chants anymore because Rock has become Dwayne. Rock has a team around him now instead of doing things for himself. Cena congratulates Rock for all of his success but he’s got a real problem with Dwayne Johnson. This isn’t about promoting a movie and he knows his movies were horrible. The one thing about Cena that lets him sleep at night: he always showed up and he never left.

As for Dwayne, the first chance he had he was gone. Then Rock came back a year ago and said he’d never leave again and then he left again. Cena says he’ll get fined for this but the only reasons Rock came back were to promote Fast Five and launch his Twitter account. Cena is here to fight for everyone behind that curtain who wants to be a superstar and stay a superstar. This is for people who say they’re proud to be a professional wrestler.

The greatest thing about April first is April 9th when Rock will be on a movie set watching his stunt double. Rock is going to have to kill him to beat him and the headline is going to say John Cena defeats Dwayne Johnson in his hometown at Wrestlemania 28. See you next week movie star. WOW.

Punk comes out in the suit jacket to do commentary for the battle royal.

Battle Royal

Big Show, Cody Rhodes, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, Great Khali, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Chris Jericho, Santino Marella

The winner gets Punk at Wrestlemania. Punk says Jericho’s entrance reminds him of a Lite Brite and he even sings the song. Ziggler has what appears to be a pink shirt tied around his waist. Everyone goes after Big Show almost immediately but it turns into a mod eliminating Khali. We take a break with nine remaining.

Back and Punk shouts Cole down saying that they’re back. I don’t think anyone has been eliminated. Kofi winds up on the apron and pulls Miz out there with him. They fight on the apron and Miz tries to throw Kofi back in for no apparent reason. Truth goes after him as well and Ziggler (minus the pink shirt) almost goes out. Cody and Wade try to put Show out but it doesn’t come close.

Show stands on Ziggler and Miz is thrown to the apron but he slides back in. He charges at Kofi and Truth but lands on the apron AGAIN. A double dropkick finally puts him out to an ERUPTION. Show looks at Kofi and Truth and hits a double chokeslam. Jericho grabs a Codebreaker out of nowhere. Zig Zag to Jericho and Cross Rhodes to Jericho. Winds of Change to Cody and Santino dumps Wade! And Truth! And then he gets his head kicked off by Dolph.

Show throws Ziggler whose head slams into the table in a SICK bump. Ok so it’s Show, Santino, Rhodes, Jericho, and Kofi. The announcers call for help for Dolph and we get an X. I think he might be legit hurt as that was a scary landing. Barrett’s arm might be messed up too. Kofi goes up top but Jericho shoves him off and Kofi’s feet hit the steps. Referees are running out to help Dolph and it looks bad.

There are four left. Jerry says he thinks Barrett has a broken arm and doesn’t sound like he’s kidding/kayfabing. Punk: “This has no bearing on anything but one of the EMTs looks like Rock N Roll Buck Zumhof.” There’s a stretcher for Ziggler. Show gets taken down by finishers and Santino loads up the Cobra and hits Jericho with it but Cody dumps him to get us down to three. Show throws out Rhodes and chops Jericho down. Rhodes grabs Show’s leg and Jericho’s throat. There are still EMTs with Ziggler. Jericho chokes Show to the apron and Rhodes helps get him out at 12:22. It’s Jericho vs. Punk at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C+. Other than Barrett breaking his arm and Ziggler apparently dying, this was a better than average battle royal. Apparently WWE needs more Buck Zumhof references. Jericho winning was obvious but at times there’s nothing wrong with that. Good match and good that the world championship closed the show.

Post match Punk gets in the ring and offers a handshake but Jericho says no and leaves.

Overall Rating: A. The wrestling wasn’t there (other than a downright nifty Sheamus vs. Henry match) but this was about launching us into Wrestlemania mode and they did that like I can’t remember in a very long. The build for the HHH/Taker match and the Rock vs. Cena match is incredible and the two title matches will be fine as well. I’m ready for Wrestlemania and that’s exactly what this show was supposed to be. Great stuff and I can’t wait for it. Oh and Cena – 5, Rock – 0.

Results
Sheamus b. Mark Henry – Brogue Kick
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Epico/Primo – Trouble in Paradise to Primo
David Otunga b. Ezekiel Jackson – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Santino Marella – LeBell Lock
Bella Twins b. Aksana/Kelly Kelly – Bella Buster to Aksana
Chris Jericho won a battle royal last eliminating Big Show

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