Survivor Series Count-Up – 1990 (Original): A Turkey And An Undertaker Walk Into A Show…

Survivor Series 1990
Date: November 22, 1990
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,249
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Well, we’re in the 90s now and that’s about it. Warrior is world champion, but other than that just about everything is exactly the same. It’s been a pretty bland year actually as nothing of note has happened. Your main feuds are Warrior against no one in particular and Hogan vs. Earthquake. Hogan of course wants the title back but that’s nothing new. The big thing here of course though is the debut of the Undertaker who is Ted DiBiase’s mystery partner. Let’s get to it.

The other two big things here is the infamous giant egg which I’ll get to, and the Match of Survival, which is all of the winners being grouped into one final match at the end to determine the Grand Survivors. Yeah, it’s dumber than it sounds. Let’s do this. Oh and Jesse is gone.

First off, you should buy Supertape 3. Mean Gene says so.

Jesse says you should buy WWF toys. I did.

Jesse says you should but the WWF ring. I did that too.

Mooney plugs the Grand Finale thing and the egg.

A Vince voiceover sets up the lineup. Demolition’s pictures make them look like they’re in a bondage session.

Piper goes on a big rant about the military, which I’m not huge on. Don’t do that on PPV Roddy.

Perfect Team vs. Warriors

Perfect Team: Mr. Perfect, Demolition

Warriors: Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, LOD

Warrior is the world champion here, Tornado is IC champion, and the LOD cost Demolition the tag titles at Summerslam. There’s no reason at all for Warrior to be in this. This match screams train wreck to me. Gene is with the Warriors who say everything you would expect them to say. Warrior might be less coherent than Hawk. After the faces enter, it takes forever to actually get anything going. Is it that hard to figure out who is going to start?

Animal spears Crush to start this out which I like. Roddy can’t tell Demolition apart. Seriously, it’s not that difficult people. The heels beat up on Animal for a decent amount of time which isn’t surprising as he’s likely worn out after being in the ring over a minute. The wildness ensues as Perfect is in and being beaten up by all of the faces at once, which is of course, perfectly legal. So I guess Warrior and Perfect was supposed to be the main feud but that simply wasn’t the case at all.

They never had a feud that I remember unless it was a short one. Warrior would go on to face Slaughter at the Rumble while Perfect would just kind of do nothing as Boss Man feuded with the entire Heenan Family. I really don’t get the point of him being in here. I’m assuming that he had a short feud over the last few months with Warrior that this is the blow off for.

That would make sense as Warrior had a more or less one off match with Rude at Summerslam but Rude was now gone, so maybe they threw Perfect in because he was part of the Family as well. That’s the best I can come up with. Warrior gets beaten on by Demolition which amuses me as I just didn’t like Warrior that much. Wait, he’s already out and Tornado is in. I always was a mark for him. Wait now Warrior is back in.

He knocks out Axe with the splash as the ending to this match is already becoming fairly obvious, which I’m never a fan of. Crush, the most successful of Demolition arguably, comes in and beats on Warrior which I enjoy. For some reason Crush’s face push, which was supposed to result in the WWF Title was aborted for no reason at all. I never got that. Hawk and Perfect are in now, and Hawk is just freaking SCARY looking. He just looks awesome on all levels.

Somehow they botch a whip in as Perfect slips I think and goes almost into the opposite turnbuckle on his knees. It just looked odd to say the least. Hawk hits one of the hardest shoulders I’ve ever seen into the post, which is almost word for word what Piper says so at least I have someone agreeing with me. Crowd is very hot to say the least. He makes his comeback but of course he refuses to tag.

At least he’s been paying attention to old Survivor Series tapes. Crush and Animal come in and we have four guys disqualified. Yeah, that’s as dumb as it sounds, and it’s 2-1 with Tornado and Warrior, the two singles champions, against Perfect. What a great match this should be. Piper constantly saying he’s writing it down makes me chuckle. Warrior presses him and Piper says he’s up and down more than a toilet seat. And we’re moving on.

Tornado hits the exposed turnbuckle and gets Perfectplexed for the pin despite having his shoulder up. Warrior breaks the suplex with relative ease as Heenan is losing it. Perfect is beating on him with relative ease so the ending is getting clearer and clearer. Ref gets a bit bumped as Warrior kicks Perfect out onto him. I love how there’s instances where that would take the referee out for five minutes and other times where it does nothing.

The announcers say that the heat in here could hatch the egg as I’m getting those headaches I used to get. Traditional Warrior comeback ensues and the splash ends this. Gorilla says that the Warrior is the surviving team. Why do so many commentators make zero sense? Surprisingly the celebration takes very little time. Warrior is on to the grand finale.

Rating: C-. This was pretty bland. It really made little sense and just felt thrown together. Perfect was trying to get the IC title back, LOD was feuding with Demolition after costing them the tag belts, and Warrior….yeah you get the point. There was just no need to have him in there and it made the match lopsided.

I get that they didn’t really have another major option, but this was a classic example of where two regular matches would have been better suited here and the WWF Champion doesn’t really have a lot of need on a show like this. That would change next year.

The Million Dollar Team (can you please get a new name Ted?) says that they’ll win. There’s still no mystery partner though.

Million Dollar Team vs. Dream Team

Million Dollar Team: Ted DiBiase, Honky Tonk Man, Greg Valentine, Mystery Partner

Dream Team: Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, Jim Neidhart, Bret Hart

Ok, a few things. Number one, why would you have Koko on your team? Two, Dusty gets a great pop. Three, the Mystery Partner was assigned to Koko, since the captains cancel each other out and then you have the two tag teams? Wow he really started on the bottom of the ladder didn’t he? Dusty has also finally dropped the polka dots.

He would be gone very soon, heading back to the NWA where he belongs. Rhythm and Blues theme song, Honky Love, is either going to start a riot or is the best song I’ve ever heard. Shockingly, he’s offered bonus money if his team wins. Yeah he’s done that every year now. Of course, the mystery partner is the debuting Undertaker.

I would say this warrants a bit of a section of its own. Now this is by far and away the most important thing to happen at this PPV to this point and likely is the most important thing to happen at Survivor Series ever. Taker, as IC (I think) said, wasn’t designed to be the next major star like Hogan or Warrior, but rather the next phenom, ala Andre the Giant. I’d say that it’s been a success as he’s still around and in big storylines nearly 20 years later.

This is being written the night before Summerslam, so I’m going to go out on a short limb and say that Taker has returned by this point. This Taker was different than the traditional one. To begin with, he’s managed by Brother Love, not Paul Bearer. Also, he’s more of a western mortician kind of guy rather than what you all know and love. Either way, he’s completely intimidating and this was his first televised match.

He had actually been around at house shows, going by the name of Kane the Undertaker. I’d think it’s safe to say that the name of his brother wasn’t that big of a coincidence. Also, it’s good that they shortened the name I’d say. Anyway, let’s get to the match itself.

Koko is wearing bright pink. Do I need to make fun of him anymore? Now for all you trivia people, Taker’s first opponent in the WWF: Bret Hart, as he beats on him with relative ease. Another interesting fact: to the best of my knowledge, Taker has never beaten Bret clean. He hits the first chokeslam which doesn’t have a name yet, but it’s really more of Bret running at him and more of a clothesline with Taker’s hand on Bret’s throat.

Neidhart can’t do anything, so he tags in the offensive genius known as Koko. This is great as Taker no sells the dropkick and picks him up for the first ever tombstone, which is one of the best I’ve ever seen. Koko is clearly gone, as the announcers actually try to convince us that it’s a big deal that he beat Koko. That just amuses me. We get more Bret vs. Taker which there’s nothing at all wrong with.

Taker gets hit with some good shots and just stares at Bret before reaching over and tagging out. That’s just awesome as it looks like even Bret can do nothing against him. Dusty comes in now that the real threat is gone. Piper insists that the faces can figure Taker out. Well not many people have in 19 years so I think the Scot is wrong here. Honky comes in rocking red tights which just don’t look right on him. They say Heartbreak Hotel.

It’s good to see Shawn’s interview segment getting free advertising like that. The Harts do a quick tag and Honky walks into a powerslam from Anvil to tie us up at 3-3. DiBiase runs in immediately and pounds away on him. It’s nice to see the captain leading his team like this. Gorilla has forgotten about trying to be fair here. Rhodes is in as the main feud is going at it. You know, considering it was over Sapphire, I have to wonder, WHERE IS SHE?

She left immediately after Summerslam, which always made me scratch my head. I get that she was the catalyst for the feud, but did DiBiase just release her back into the wild? Virgil interferes to eliminate Neidhart. It’s Bret and Rhodes against Valentine, DiBiase and Taker. That’s….not that bad of a match actually.

Roddy calling Love Blubber Love amuses me. We get a Blow Away diet reference that makes me smile. Nothing ever came of this as I think Rose was little more than a jobber at this point. However, he was in the first ever Wrestlemania match, albeit under a mask. Seriously, what was the point of this? Anyway, that’s what Roddy references, which brought it to my head. It was one promo, this one, and then it was never mentioned again. It’s one of the great WTF moments in wrestling history.

Anyway, the faces beat on DiBiase as Piper implies Dusty isn’t too smart. Again, I don’t have to make fun of this one. Taker eliminates him with a fairly generic double axe from the top rope. Now we get to something that I just don’t get at all. Bret comes in to beat on Taker as he’s the last face remaining. They go back to the corner and we cut to Brother Love beating on Dusty who is still down on the floor. That all makes sense.

We cut back to the ring and Valentine is in with Hart and Taker is on the apron. The referee is fine with this and it’s business as usual. Naturally, I’d assume that while Taker was in the corner, Taker tagged out and made Valentine legal. That makes perfect sense. Taker though goes to the floor and fights Dusty up the aisle, and the bell rings. Taker has been counted out as he was the legal man? That makes no sense at all.

I completely understand that they didn’t want Taker to survive and they certainly didn’t want him to get pinned and I have no problem with him beating Dusty to the back to have him get counted out. That makes perfect sense and is perfectly acceptable to have him eliminated. What I don’t get at all is having the weird I guess non-tag. Taker threw Rhodes to the floor.

Why didn’t he just follow him out and then we get the count out? It would make sense at least. Anyway, within 45 seconds Valentine gets rolled up and it’s 1-1 with DiBiase vs. Hart in what should be a good match. I have yet to see someone that can go over the rope or do a flip like DiBiase. It’s just so crisp every single time and I love it. Bret just goes off on DiBiase, beating the living crud out of him.

That’s a big deal as Bret has only been given small pushes here and there but is still known as a tag guy. Very soon though, his singles push would begin and the rest is history. Ted takes over though as would be expected. Bret wasn’t going to win here, but Ted was the perfect choice to make Bret look awesome in a losing effort. They really got it right with Bret as they built him up ever so slowly and once the push happened, everyone was ready for it and it went perfectly.

DiBiase accidentally nails Virgil. Their feud was right around the corner as Virgil would turn on him at the Rumble, leading to the feel good moment of the year (save for Macho/Liz) at Mania 7 with Virgil beating him. DiBiase reverses a cross body for the win, which works well as it was his experience that beat Bret. Both guys look good, but the bigger star comes out with the win as he should have.

Rating: C+. Clearly, this is more important for Taker than who won. Looking back, this might trump Jericho for best debut of all time. The people were legit stunned and had no clue what to think of Taker and a lot of people still don’t to this day. Taker is a character that just works, plain and simple. It’s a lot like Stone Cold in that way. They knew they had something with both guys, but no one could predict just how big they would become.

They hit this one so far out of the park though that it’s amazing. The interesting thing is that earlier in the year, Taker was Mean Mark Callaway and jobbing to Luger for the US Title. He was just a generic big man that was a heel, and then they turn him into one of the most famous gimmicks of all time. To me, it’s no longer about is he the best big man ever.

It’s how far up do you rank him on the best of all time list, because he’s certainly on it. As for the rest of the match, it’s just there. Bret and DiBiase is good, but the rest is just ok. Certainly not bad, but nothing to go out of your way to watch. Taker’s debut and time in the match certainly is worth seeing though, just from an historical perspective.

We go to the back with the Vipers, meeting with Gene in the shower. This is just odd. This is another infamous team, but we’ll get to that later on. Jake talks about how they’re all survivors. Jimmy Snuka has a mustache. It looks weird. Jake still has the messed up eye, which is the point of this feud. One day on the Brother Love show, Martel tried to spray his cologne on Damien and Jake went after him, getting sprayed in the eye. This led to him being “blinded”, which was just a bad feud. It inspired the blowoff match, the infamous blindfold match at Wrestlemania which was just bad. It also explains the team name for the heels: the Visionaries.

Vipers vs. Visionaries

Vipers: Jake Roberts, Marty Jannetty, Shawn Michaels, Jimmy Snuka

Visionaries: Rick Martel, Hercules, Paul Roma, Warlord

Apparently Jake is wrestling against doctor’s orders. You have to love how much Vince loves his wrestlers as he’d rather have the money they could produce than their health. Rockers had been feuding with Power and Glory, as Shawn had an injured knee, costing them the match at Summerslam. Jake picked them for his team because they had “survived” the injury. Yeah they’re really stretching a lot of these.

Warlord and Superfly…yeah there’s no real point other than they’re both in the midcard. The announcers try to put over how great the card has been and how Jake is half blind here. Amazingly this was considered cool back in the day. Piper gets a facepalm by saying the team is called the Plymouth Rockers. This isn’t much in the way of talent/title success. We start with Warlord (who Piper calls walrus and makes I Am the Walrus references which I love) against Marty.

Snuka, Robers, Warlord, Hercules and Roma never won anything in the company. Jannetty has two forgotten reigns and Martel won as a tag guy. There’s just not much on either team with Shawn being not much yet either. Piper says the Rockers are going to be the team of the 90s. That amuses me. Shawn with an AWESOME counter to a hiptoss as he more or less does a rotating flip without touching the ground off a hiptoss. It’s hard to describe but it looked sweet.

How in the world was Roma a Horsemen? Seriously, what were they thinking? Hercules needs to pull his tights down a bit as he’s approaching thong territory. Warlord takes out Marty off a powerslam that he got in a very cool looking counter to a cross body. It’s nothing that you haven’t seen before but it’s one of the best executions of it I can ever remember.

On to Jake vs. Warlord, which could have been a decent mini-feud. Jake knocks him down and then tags Shawn who goes for the cover. Um, ok? I’ve always loved Gorilla’s highly intellectual terms about parts of the body. They make him sound almost cocky without being completely so though. At least Martel dropped a knee after getting tagged in before covering. Piper surprises me and says that Martel has some brains. That came from nowhere.

I like Shawn’s look around this time. The black and yellow was a cool looking combination on the team I thought. Snuka comes in wearing tights and boots, which looks completely wrong. He belongs in no shoes and trunks. What kind of a respectful savage wears shoes? First person to make a Macho Man joke here gets red rep. Snuka is gone after a reversed cross body as he makes his standard jobbing appearance.

We finally get Jake vs. Martel for all of 8 seconds but they never make contact as Martel runs. That’s even more building for the eventual showdown, which works. Piper calls Hercules a cheap skate. That’s odd indeed. Roma, of course, screws up and costs his team the advantage. Good to see he hasn’t forgotten his place. Shawn hits a move that you don’t see often: an elbow off the second rope. I’m not talking about a Bret Hart style one.

I’m talking about the kind Savage uses, but from the middle rope. It looked different but in a good way. Shawn gets knocked out by the Power-Plex, so we’re down to 4-1. Yeah this has been very bad so far. The fans try to give Jake the big comeback cheers but it’s just not going to work. Piper says the fans are standing up for what Jake is doing. Right now he’s getting his face kicked in. That’s 1990 WWF fans: fighting for your right to get a beating.

Jake gets an AWESOME DDT on Warlord but Martel goes for the cologne to the face so Jake chases him with the snake for the count out. That’s a sneaky way to leave without looking like a coward. The Visionaries win in a clean sweep, which I think has happened 3 times ever?

Rating: D+. This was really boring. Nothing of interest happened, the main feud never had anything happen, and the faces got beat into the ground. This is one of the least interesting matches of all time in the series, and it took me an hour to get through a 17 minute match. That’s how uninterested I was here. One last thing here.

Ok, I get it: Jake is the only star there and without him, the team sucks. But seriously, he can’t either knock out one or two of the four or just get pinned? It’s not like there’s any shame in losing to four guys.

Ad for the Rumble, which is on a Saturday for some reason.

Sean is with the Hulkamaniacs. Hogan and his latest team of glorified jobbers say they’ll survive. Ok Boss Man wasn’t a jobber. Duggan has yellow ribbons on his board. Why is that? Hogan is going to tell you. It’s for the soldiers in the Persian Gulf. Cool. Hogan volunteers his team to go fight in the war. Yeah, that’s a bit much.

Hulkamaniacs vs. Natural Disasters

Hulkamaniacs: Hogan, Boss Man, Duggan, Tugboat

Natural Disasters: Earthquake, Haku, Dino Bravo, Barbarian

Before the match starts, the announcers point out that it’s Warrior against 5 guys at the moment. I love how they don’t even try to imply that it’ll be anything other than faces vs. heels. It makes sense for the heel team that survived together to be together though, and DiBiase would side with whoever had the better odds. Warrior of course would go into a 5-1 contest thinking he’s the favorite too, so this somehow makes sense.

All four faces get their own entrances, and it amuses me to think that without Hogan, this team is little more than glorified jobbers. Boss Man would be getting a huge singles push soon, but for reasons that I flat out never got, he didn’t get the IC belt from Perfect at Summerslam. He just annihilated every member of the Heenan Family to get that match and then he won by DQ, never getting another major shot. He slowly became a jobber after that and then went to WCW.

It really was odd indeed. Tugboat would be leaving for WCW in a few years, becoming the legendary Shockmaster. Hogan of course gets a massive pop. Piper can’t understand the Hogan chant. Gorilla points it out to him and you can tell Piper is legit embarrassed. We start with Duggan and Haku. Haku is jumping off the ropes. Not bad since he weighs almost 300.

Over to Dino Bravo, who has to be the biggest waste of a wrestler of all time. He’s just pointless. What did this guy ever do other than having a fake championship? Dang Jimmy Hart had some sweet jackets. Boss Man comes in and Haku hits a SWEET dropkick. He nails him right in the head with it. Of course it barely hurts him and Boss Man takes him out with the Boss Man Slam. He then runs over at the heel corner to beat up all three other guys. That’s either brilliant or very, very stupid.

It’s Barbarian next and Boss Man is beating the heck out of him too. DAng why did he never win the IC belt? That just makes no sense. That move that I mentioned Shawn doing earlier apparently isn’t so rare as Barbarian tries it as well. Now Duggan is back in. Seriously, we’re 6 minutes in and it’s been Duggan and Boss Man for the faces the whole time. Duggan tries to knock down Earthquake but just can’t do it.

Eventually he gets the top rope pulled down by Jimmy Hart and picks up the board. Then, because he’s a genius, he whacks Earthquake with it to be eliminated. Dude, you’re an IDIOT! Seriously, he just ran in and hit him with it. Where is the thought process from either him or the booker here? It’s just random attacking that makes no sense. After that, Hogan immediately runs in for the showdown. Unlike the previous match, this actually happens.

Hogan had already won at Summerslam, but it was just by count out. He easily slams him as the crowd is wild. The fans were just WAY into Hogan in a way that’s insane. Hogan hits the classic 10 punches in the corner which needs to be done more often. It’s one of the easiest ways possible to get cheered. Of course it has no effect and Hogan is in trouble. I’ve always loved Earthquake’s powerslam.

He does that little thing where he hooks in the guy’s head right before he slams the guy and it just always works. Quake running on his knees to the corner is kind of funny looking. See, that worked. It was about a minute and a half long but it was at least solid contact. Hogan takes Bravo out with a small package. Piper curses again as Tugboat still hasn’t been in. Piper has a great line: Boy that Hulk Hogan is almost as smart as Roddy Piper. Is that true? I’m not sure.

Anyway, in one of the maybe 10 moves ever that have made my jaw drop, Boss Man, weighing well over 300lbs, goes to the top and comes off with a cross body. EARTHQUAKE CATCHES HIM WITH EASE. He doesn’t stumble, he doesn’t almost drop him, he catches him clean. That was absolutely amazing. Earthquake takes him out with a pair of elbows.

AGAIN Hogan is in. Gorilla literally forgets about Tugboat. That’s just funny. He has to be injured or something like that. They imply he’s been in but if he was I blinked and missed it. The fans are either chanting TOOT or booing him out of the building. I’m not sure which. Oh he’s finally in by the way. He and Quake “brawl” to the floor and both are out. He was legal less than 45 seconds. Yeah, definitely thinking injury there.

Oh well, at least it lasted longer than the helmet stayed on. Ok, so for no apparent reason, we’re down to Hogan and Barbarian. Uh, why? Why is this not Hogan and Earthquake? That’s your main feud, Hogan has already beaten him once and it wasn’t clean and you could argue that a one on one win here wouldn’t be clean either. I don’t get the point of it not being Hogan and Quake. Barbarian tries a piledriver but it wasn’t that good at all.

We get the WAY too common Hogan double clothesline spot that I’m hating more and more every time. Barbarian gets a great big boot to the face. I’m liking him more and more every match he has. He hits the top rope clothesline that was his de facto finisher and Gorilla is surprised that Hogan kicks out. Again, do I need to make fun of that? The Hulk Up begins and you know what’s coming next. Piper talks about how real men wear kilts. That’s why I don’t wear one.

Some annoying fan is screaming really high pitched and it’s annoying me. Hogan immediately beats up Heenan to no commentary. That was random and over the top violence. Some role model eh? Posing goes on for way too long as Piper again talks about how pro-American he is. It’s ok I suppose though.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t awful but it wasn’t great. The ending was a bit odd but we knew Hogan would win it. The Boss Man looked dominant as it took a kick from Barbarian who was on the apron to slow him down. Tugboat I guess was hurt? Either way he would become Typhoon soon enough I guess and then on to being the Shockmaster. Can we get this guy a good gimmick? Anyway, the match was just ok, but I’m not sure why it was booked like it was. Same result though so that’s fine.

Ad for the Royal Rumble. I can’t wait for that.

Fans talk about who they’re here to see. Um, ok? There’s an 8 or so year old on there that is FIRED UP! A very cool thing, we have a guy signing who he wants to win. Anyone that can speak sign language is awesome to me.

Randy Savage comes out and talks about wanting the title back from Warrior. This is setting the stage for the eventual epic showdown at Mania 7, as well as the reunion with Liz which is one of it not the most emotional moments in wrestling history. This is completely over the top and likely very cocaine induced.

Mercenaries vs. Alliance

Mercenaries: Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Orient Express

Alliance: Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, Bushwackers

So yeah Nikolai is the captain of a team. That’s just amusing. Piper says the last egg he saw that was that big was the one Milli Vanilli laid, which has Gorilla about to completely lose it on air. This is the jobber match of the evening, although Slaughter would be about to get the world title in January. This was the patriotic match if you can’t tell. I guess it’s the everyone but American team vs. the team with only one American who hates America team.

They keep talking about the egg. I’ll save the surprise for you though. Slaughter is an Iraqi sympathizer here and has some old dude from the AWA with him. Eventually he’d pick up the Iron Sheik and they would be the least feared stable of all time. Gene catches up with Slaughter in the aisle (like that was a hard thing to do) and Slaughter says that he and his men had a good turkey dinner while the soldiers in the Middle East had a bad holiday.

This took three minutes somehow. Slaughter was going really far with this gimmick and it was actually very controversial and to this day it’s still a bit rough. This is the original Orient Express, meaning the far worse one. It wouldn’t be until the masked Kato came in that the team got very exciting and started tearing the house down with the Rockers on a regular basis. Boris is gone in less than a minute to the forearm of Tito.

Good to see that in 4 years Boris has risen so high above jobber status. It makes me wonder why he keeps getting spots on people’s teams. Sato of the Orient Express comes in and beats the tar out of Tito, but Butch of all people beats him up. The other Orient Express guy is tagged in, but the Bushwackers hit the Battering Ram on the non legal guy and pin him so it’s 4-2. Holy crap Tito is tagged in and after two and a half minutes it’s 4-1. Geez.

Anyway, it’s now the only guy that could actually do anything in this match, Sgt. Slaughter, vs. all four guys. It’s captain vs. captain to start with Slaughter vs. Volkoff. The Russian/American/Lithuanian is on offense for all of 10 seconds and now Slaughter is killing him. I’ve never gotten why he was considered any good. I guess it’s his gimmick that carried him. That makes sense. In a fairly unique move, Slaughter gets a side headlock and runs his head into the turnbuckle. I like that.

He hits a bad dropkick and then after spitting on him, an elbow pins him. Well that was pretty freaking weak. The Bushwackers run in and double team him but it lasts about 20 seconds and a stomach breaker ends Luke. Yeah it’s one of those kinds of matches. Butch is gone about 30 seconds after that so we get down to 1-1, with the two most talented guys in the match, in less than 7 minutes.

Tito hits the forearm from the top but of course that doesn’t end it, nor is it even acknowledged as a huge move. More or less, this came down to a one on one match, which is what it likely should have been the whole time, even though there’s no heat between these two. Piper makes some racial stereotypes about Latinos as Tito gets beaten on even more.

After about two minutes of Slaughter beating on him, he hits the forearm to bring us right back to where we started. The referee gets bumped and Sheik runs in and hits Tito for the DQ to make Tito the winner. Ok I guess, but this was just a weird match overall.

Rating: F. This had no business being 4-4. It had a talented guy on both teams and it wound up being 1-1 as it likely should have been all along. The other 6 were just window dressing and they meant nothing at all. This was a horrible Survivor Series match, but a decent little three and a half minute one on one match. However, that’s not how it was billed, so this was a failure.

The heel team for the Grand Finale says exactly what you would expect them to say. Actually just Martel and DiBiase talk but that’s likely the best choice.

And now it’s time for the white elephant in the room: the egg. For weeks if not months now, this thing has been around. The idea was the more lively the crowd gets, the faster it will hatch. As stupid and contrived of a concept as that is, we can go with that. Gene gets to be the master of ceremonies here for lack of a better term. All over what would evolve into the IWC back then, the speculation was on. Could it be Undertaker debuting? What about Ric Flair?

That was actually a very real possibility, even though he wouldn’t be there for about a year. Maybe a manager or a celebrity? No one knew. There was a rumor that it was the returning Jesse Ventura. Seriously, this was a secret that Vince actually kept very well for a change. That would turn out to be a good thing. The idea of who laid the egg was never touched on, but this egg was about 8 feet long so there had to be a person inside of it.

Gene speculates that it could be a dinosaur, a rabbit, or balloons. WHAT THE HECK? Number one, A FREAKING DINOSAUR? Come on Gene. Second, rabbits are mammals, and therefore don’t hatch. Balloons? Why would inanimate objects be in an egg? He also speculates it could be this month’s Playboy playmate. Yeah that’s even dumber. Gene’s acting here is flat out awful but he’s trying his best given what he’s working with.

The egg hatches and there he is: the Gobbledygooker. Yes, after over 6 weeks of buildup, it’s a guy in a turkey suit. WOW. After all that, it’s a stupid Thanksgiving mascot. Needless to say, this is booed out of the freaking building. Monsoon and Piper have the very fun job of trying to care at all. They apparently weren’t told what it was going to be. Gene makes bad jokes to try to pass the time.

It takes two minutes to get out of the eggs and now he’s making turkey sounds. Somehow Gene knows its name. Gene understands him too. Now, to make this even dumber, we get a rock version of Turkey in the Straw, and they go to the ring. It’s never explained if the turkey is male or female. Amazingly, the turkey can jump the top rope. Piper tries to imply that the kids like this guy as I feel so sorry for him.

As if that’s not enough, Gooker and Gene commence to dance in the middle of the ring. I kid you not, they begin to square dance. Gene rolls around after Gooker does some tumbling. Okerlund hitting the ropes and falling is the funniest part of this. The booing is off the charts here as Gorilla tries his hardest to make this passable. This goes on for EIGHT MINUTES. I kid you not, this segment almost went into double digits on the clock.

They leave, and the Gooker is crowned the worst gimmick of all time. Seriously, what in the heck was the point of this thing? They built it up for months so it’s not like they couldn’t have changed it at the last minute. They had all kinds of time to make this into something at least interesting. Given that it’s a massive egg, there’s only so much that they could do with it, but dang man seriously? This was the best they could come up with?

There’s a reason he made like two house show appearances and then wasn’t seen again for 11 years. Hector Guerrero deserves a medal for doing this. And Vince wonders why he was in serious financial trouble at this time.

The face team for the final match says they’ll survive. This takes about two and a half minutes as you can tell they’re stalling for time.

Grand Finale Match of Survival

Heels: DiBiase, Martel, Power and Glory, Warlord

Faces: Hogan, Warrior, Santana

Seriously, that’s the best name they could come up with? The ending here is fairly obvious and I’m not sure what the point of this was. DiBiase was a midcard guy by this point and he’s easily the biggest star on the team. The intros of course take forever so since the end of the gimmick segment, we’ve killed almost 8 minutes with intros and interviews. That’s not half bad. This might have been done by Vince to keep the fans from realizing that this is, say it with me, COMPLETELY POINTLESS!

Piper gets some sneaky lines in saying that he could care less about this and that the show is horrible. Warlord is out in less than 30 seconds to a forearm. Tito goes for it again on DiBiase but he crashes and burns. Gorilla saying missed it made me laugh. A stun gun takes out Santana about 8 seconds after that. Now it’s Hogan vs. DiBiase and if this was two years ago this could main event Wrestlemania. Instead, no one is interested.

Power and Glory really was a solid idea for a team. It might have worked had they both not sucked so much. What follows is about five minutes of jobber offense with the occasional elimination here and there. You know the faces are both going to survive and the fans know it too. Hogan was just not what he used to be at this point as the act was old.

He had been doing the same thing for over 6 years now, so of course Vince would keep using it for another year before the best idea he ever had next year, which we’ll get to tomorrow. After Hogan no sells the Power Plex, Roma is out to a clothesline. Yes I said a clothesline. HOW IN THE WORLD WAS HE A HORSEMAN??? Martel gets annihilated by Warrior after a hot tag but he bails after Hogan and Warrior beat on him forever.

So let me get this straight. We have a guy that was at his peak two years ago, and a guy that used to hate him because DiBiase called him his slave. Of course, that’s not mentioned here. DiBiase goes out to the big boot and legdrop and Hercules takes the splash of death to end him and end this horrid show. Hercules walked in, got powerslammed, clotheslined twice, shoulder block, splash. It took about 20 seconds. Massive roided up posing takes us out.

Rating: D-. Seriously, WHAT WAS THE POINT TO THIS? It’s just the big faces beating up on jobbers for 9 minutes. The fans aren’t interested, clearly, but Vince refused to do anything different and that’s why it sucked.

Overall Rating: F. This show was AWFUL. The first match made no sense from a booking perspective, the second is only important for historical aspects and not the wrestling involved, the third is a freaking squash match that made NO SENSE, the fourth is Hogan doing his old routine, and the fifth is a one on one match billed as a Survivor Series match.

The Gooker was SO STUPID and the finale was a waste of 9 minutes because Vince didn’t want to think. That’s how I would summarize this show: uninspired. It’s just there and NOTHING HAPPENS ON IT. Taker debuts, but no one knew that he would become what he is today. This whole thing was just a waste of time and the concept was a failure to this point, and that was the case for one clear reason: other than the first show, no heel team ever won a major match.

The first Survivor Series worked because the ending was a big surprise. Hogan…lost…on PPV…that just did not happen in big matches back then, period. Since then though, the faces have dominated every time. This could have been a huge show every year but instead, Vince decided to just push his top faces even harder which ultimately hurt business badly.

The buyrate for this show was horrid and Vince FINALLY woke up and did a more traditional show the next year with Hogan vs. Taker, which was interesting to say the least, but we’ll save that for tomorrow. Even I, the old school enthusiast that I am, say SCREW THIS SHOW. It’s just awful all around and not worth your time. Check out Taker’s match for the historical aspect and a passable match, but other than that go watch an old Thunder.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – January 11, 1993 (Debut, 2021 Redo): A Whole New World

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Since the random months deal isn’t working whatsoever, let’s just go with doing them straight through. I have twenty months left in the first four years so we might as well start off with the first year. It’s a shorter month because the show started in the second week. Oh and it’s also the show’s debut so let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney is on the streets of Manhattan and welcomes us to the first ever show but has to stop one Bobby Heenan from going inside. He has been replaced by Rob Bartlett and since Mooney is security, Heenan stops to bicker.

Opening sequence.

Commentary welcomes us to the show and Bartlett is already getting annoying.

Yokozuna vs. Koko B. Ware

So here’s your first trivia of the night as we have the first ever match in the history of the show. Bartlett: “This guy has his own no fly zone!” Savage: “He doesn’t even have a zipper.” We also get some Japanese/fat jokes from Bartlett until Ware is shoved across the ring. It works a second time but Koko is back up with a dropkick. A big charge misses though and Ware is sent HARD into the top rope. The big legdrop sets up the corner splash and the Banzai Drop finishes Ware in a hurry.

Rating: D+. Total squash and a good example of the Yokozuna who was that scary of a monster. He looked great and could still move around out there, with the running splash coming off as athletic. This is the Yokozuna who could be the top heel for a long time, and it’s easy to see why he was pushed so hard.

Bobby Heenan talks about Narcissus, who has Mr. Perfect scared. Yes, Narcissus is beyond perfect and comparing the two of them is like comparing ice cream to horse manure. Narcissus will be unveiled at the Royal Rumble and Perfect will think he is from another world.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

Scott isn’t playing around and tilt-a-whirl slams #1 as Doink the Clown is playing around a bit in the audience. Rick comes in and whips #2 into the ropes so hard that #2 falls down. #2 is driven ribs first upside down into the corner and it’s a double noggin knocker from Scott on the floor. Back in and the referee has to get out of the way of a Scott belly to belly and there’s the tiger driver to make it worse. The Steiner Bulldog ends the masked goons.

Rating: C-. I could watch the Steiners beat up goofs forever and this was a good example of how effective it can be. Those suplexes and the bulldog had the Executioners flying all over the place and it was absolutely glorious. They were brand new at this point and even 1993 WWF couldn’t screw them up.

Bobby Heenan, this time in drag, still can’t get into the building. He thought he was getting into the building normally, so he just had that in his bag?

Here is Razor Ramon for a chat with Vince McMahon. He is happy to have a WWF Title shot at the Royal Rumble because it has his name written all over it. Vince says it took Bret eight and a half years to get his title shot but now Razor is happy with getting his shot after eight and a half months. That’s not good enough for Vince, who wants to know why Razor jumped Owen Hart over the weekend. Razor says it was fun and there is nothing Bret can do about it. You know what else Bret can’t do anything about? Razor winning the WWF Title. Good interview here, as Razor was still in serious mode.

There will be a Headlock On Hunger show later this month, with Randy Savage not exactly knowing what is on the card (“Shawn Michaels vs. Bob Backlund for another title. The Intercontinental Title!”).

Tatanka wants us to put a headlock on hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Max Moon

Shawn is defending. Moon flips around a bit as Bartlett does a bit about the WWF version of the Amy Fisher story and Savage….thinks Heenan looked good in drag? Shawn gets thrown into the corner and can’t figure out what to do here, so Moon armdrags him down. We take a break and come back with Shawn dropping him throat first across the middle rope as commentary gets in “uncooked, uncut and uncensored” as many times as they can.

Shawn hits…something as Doink comes out to watch again and Bartlett “calls in” with a bad Mike Tyson impression. This gag keeps going as Shawn sends him face first into the buckle as Bartlett (still as Tyson) makes up matches for the Royal Rumble. Moon grabs a small package for a quick two and gets punched in the face some more. The chinlock goes on and Tyson wants to know what it’s called.

Back up and Moon catapults Shawn over the top and out to the floor (Bartlett: “He disappeared!”) for the crash. Moon scores with a spinwheel kick in the corner and a cradle gets two. Shawn is back up with the superkick, which isn’t his finisher yet so here it’s just a thing. Instead it’s the tear drop suplex (kind of a cross between a belly to back suplex/Angle Slam) to retain Shawn’s title.

Rating: C. The wrestling was fine but the commentary was one of the dumbest, most annoying things I can imagine. The bit itself, a confused Mike Tyson calling in, is fine enough but it JUST KEPT GOING and wasn’t all that funny in the first place. It’s not the kind of comedy that fits in on a wrestling show and that’s why Bartlett never fit. He was funny in a different format, but here it feels so forced and it never worked.

WATCH WWF MANIA! I liked that show.

It’s time for the Royal Rumble Control Center. This week we’re talking about the Intercontinental Title match between Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty. The question is whose corner Sensational Sherri will be in, with both guys saying she’s going with them. Marty and Sherri were never a thing so this always felt a bit weird.

Moving on, Gene Okerlund runs down the Royal Rumble lineup, with Mr. Perfect saying he isn’t worried because no one else in the match is perfect. On the other hand, Mr. Fuji says no one can get Yokozuna over the top so he’ll win. Oh and Jim Duggan thinks he’ll….fight. He might not win, but he’ll fight. Of note: this segment went on so long that Tito Santana beat the Brooklyn Brawler in a dark match as it aired.

Bobby Heenan, now as Rob Bartlett’s uncle Morty, still can’t get in. The stereotypes here are rather strong.

We look at Kamala’s face turn, as he leaves Kim Chee and Harvey Wippleman and joins up with Reverend Slick. That pairing could bowl some people over.

Undertaker vs. Damien Demento

Demento is a weird guy and billed “from the Outer Reaches Of Your Mind”. Vince and Bartlett go into a bit about Paul Bearer being from a famous family and needing an iron supplement. Demento’s right hands have no effect and the very Young School connects, with Vince ignoring it to talk about the Royal Rumble. Demento gets in a few shots out of the corner but Undertaker sits up and hits the jumping clothesline. The Tombstone finishes without much trouble.

Doink talks about enjoying making kids cry but Crush comes out and threatens him with that Hawaiian accent. If Doink keeps it up, his bad arm will have another arm and both legs for company in that cast. Doink squirts him with water and the chase is on.

Bobby Heenan is allowed in now that the show is over.

Overall Rating: C-. I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground by saying that this first show is not very good. The wrestling was more miss than hit and Bartlett was a nightmare, but what mattered here was that they had to start somewhere. It’s the first episode of the most famous wrestling series ever and it took place live from New York City. The content isn’t important here, but rather the fact that the show happened. Not a terrible show, but it’s all about the history instead of the content.

 

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Smackdown – May 11, 2007: A Spoiler Alert Would Have Been Nice

Smackdown
Date: May 11, 2007
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a big show this time around with the Undertaker defending the World Title against Batista inside a cage. That alone should be enough to carry the show and….well that’s about what it’s going to do as that’s the only major thing set for the show. Unless you could spoilers that is, as WWE has already said what happens this time. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at Undertaker vs. Batista and how we got to the cage match. I have a feeling we’re getting a bunch of history tonight.

Opening sequence.

The cage is already around the ring.

Chris Benoit/Matt Hardy vs. Finlay/MVP

They either edited the heck out of something or the cage had a rocket attached to it, as there is no way they raised that thing up so fast. Benoit and Finlay lock up to push each other around the ring to start. It’s already off to MVP to shoulder Benoit down but he has to escape an early Crossface attempt. Matt comes in to drop an elbow and it’s already back to Benoit to stomp away in the corner. Finlay has to break up the cover off a suplex so Matt comes back in for a neckbreaker. Benoit misses a baseball slide to Finlay but clotheslines him down instead. Cue Hornswoggle to….do nothing as we take a break.

Back with Hardy bulldogging Finlay for two and cranking on a headlock. It’s back to MVP to stomp away but Hardy suplexes him for two, with Finlay having to make another save. Matt elbows MVP off the top and actually hits a moonsault, only to bang up his knee in the process. MVP is smart enough to go right after the knee before handing it off to Finlay for a half crab.

That’s broken up but MVP is right there to cut him off again. That lasts all of two seconds though before it’s the hot tag to bring in Benoit to clean house. The rolling German suplexes get two but the Swan Dive misses. MVP comes in, walks into a dragon screw legwhip, and gets jackknife covered to give Benoit the fast pin.

Rating: C+. This was good enough, though MVP losing AGAIN is getting old. It’s ok to let him steal a pin in a tag match but he has to lose there too. It’s one thing to get pinned by Chris Benoit but losing to him over and over takes away a lot from MVP. Not a bad tag match though, which is one thing you can almost always depend on: throwing talented wrestlers out there and giving them time to do something.

Here’s another video on Batista vs. Undertaker.

Next week: Ozzy Osbourne performs the Judgment Day theme song.

Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool

Jillian sings a slowed down version of her theme song until Michelle’s entrance cuts her off. Michelle hammers away to start and it’s a catfight with more punching than usual. The reverse chinlock sends Jillian over to the ropes but she is right back with a cartwheel into an elbow. The chinlock has McCool in trouble but she’s back up with an elbow to the face. A jackknife rollup gives McCool two and a belly to belly gets the same. Jillian gets in some elbows in the corner but charges into a backbreaker to give Michelle the pin.

Rating: D+. No it wasn’t good, but you can tell that they are trying to have a good match. There is a world of difference than this and some of the nonsense that you would see out of the Divas division. They need a lot more time and polish, but you can see the effort and some of the basics in there. In other words, Finlay continues to be a wizard with this stuff.

Krystal is rubbing Teddy Long’s shoulders and asks if he has found an assistant yet. He hasn’t found anyone appropriate yet but she has an idea. We’ll have to hear about that later though as two hillbillies from West Virginia come in. They’re here to fight but Teddy says if they can get to Baltimore next week, they can have a match. Long mentions their name as the Dalton Boys as they leave. Krystal goes back to shoulder rubbing and suggests Vickie Guerrero as the assistant. Teddy is skeptical about hiring a Guerrero but Krystal talks him into letting her have an interview next week. That’s good enough for Krystal.

More on Undertaker vs. Batista.

Raw Rebound.

Ashley joins us from Stamford and wants to get back to Smackdown. If nothing else, she wants to get her hands on Jillian and to see Paul London and Brian Kendrick get their Tag Team Titles back.

Domino vs. Paul London

I know I make fun of these teams having a bunch of singles matches but COME ON ALREADY. Deuce, Cherry and Brian Kendrick are at ringside too. London dodges a double leg dive to start but gets shoved away. The referee breaks that up so Domino kicks him in the ribs, only to get dropkicked down.

London scores with a moonsault to the floor (which he missed to cost his team the titles a few weeks ago), only to get snapmared back inside. Domino grabs a cobra clutch but London is back up with a cradle for two. A headscissors into a basement dropkick connects and a snap spinwheel kick drops Domino again. Deuce tries to offer a distraction so London hits the dropsault onto Domino for the pin.

Rating: C. Not too bad here, but e pluribus gads I’m sick of seeing this match. It’s been done to death at this point and I don’t see any reason to want to watch it again. Hopefully we get to the title rematch so Deuce N Domino can retain and move on to ANYTHING else. These teams have fine matches, but the interest has been depleted after seeing some combination of it so many times.

Another Undertaker vs. Batista video.

Snitsky video.

Kane vs. Dave Taylor

Boogeyman, Little Boogeyman and William Regal are here too. Kane appears to be a mixture of happy and confused by the Boogeymen. They start fast with Kane hitting a hard slam as commentary is busy freaking out about the people at ringside. Taylor gets a boot up in the corner and hammers away until Kane kicks him down. Regal trips Kane and feigns innocence in a way that feels so appropriate for him. Kane is back up with the sidewalk slam and the top rope clothesline as Boogeyman and Regal get in a fight on the floor. The chokeslam finishes Taylor.

Rating: C-. About what you would expect here and that was fine enough. Kane and Boogeyman are growing on me as the freaky tag team as it’s a bit of a different direction for both of them. If nothing else, seeing Regal and Taylor being disturbed by what they’re looking at every week has been great. Not a good match, but another part of an entertaining story.

Undertaker beat Batista at Wrestlemania.

The Condemned.

Undertaker and Batista went to a draw in a Last Man Standing match at Backlash.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending in a cage with pinfall, submission or escape to win. Batista has a bad leg and Undertaker has a bad arm to slow both of them down a bit. They go to the slugout to start until Undertaker kicks him in the face. A clothesline gives Batista two but a shot to the bad leg breaks up the Batista Bomb. Undertaker gets knocked down and it’s a top rope shoulder to give Batista two.

We take a break and come back with Batista breaking up an escape attempt but getting hit in the face for his efforts. Batista takes him down and hammers away before a low blow drops Undertaker again. The shoulders and clothesline in the corner let Batista climb but Undertaker hits him in the leg for a crotching. The running big boot knocks Batista into the cage but Batista kicks him down as well as we take a break.

Back again with Batista blasting him with a clothesline for two. Undertaker hits some clotheslines of his own and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot. There’s the chokeslam for a close two but Batista sends him into the cage. We take another break and come back with the busted open Undertaker walking into a spinebuster for two.

Batista, apparently having never watched an Undertaker match, hammers away in the corner and gets Last Rided for two. Undertaker can’t quite get out of the door so they both go up top for a slugout. Batista knocks him down and climbs up but Undertaker is right there to meet him. They both climb down and drop to the floor….at the same time.

Rating: B. This was a heck of a fight and as usual between these two, it felt like a war with the question being who could survive, let alone win. These two have some great chemistry together and it was on display again here. They feel like each others’ equals and given that they have had more draws than decisive wins in their rivalry, it feels that way in the ring too.

The referees go over to the monitors to look and the feet hit the ground at the same time so the match is officially a draw, with the Undertaker retaining the title. The cage is raised…and here is Mark Henry to jump Undertaker. Henry sends him into the post and crushes him with the splash inside. That’s quite the bad situation for Undertaker and now it’s about to get worse.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge is challenging via Money in the Bank cash in. The bell rings and Edge covers for two but Undertaker can’t sit up. He pulls himself up on the ropes and it’s the spear to give Edge the pin and the title.

Post match Edge hits him with the briefcase and poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The cage match alone is worth the watch and the rest of the show continues its hot streak. That’s going to be it for the Undertaker for a long time though as the arm injury was a torn bicep, putting him out of action for several months. That leaves Batista to carry the show again, and now he’ll be able to feud with Edge for the time being. Solid show here, but it feels like the start of a new era, which might not be so great.

 

 

 

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Smackdown – May 4, 2007: It’s Not Quite Star Wars

Smackdown
Date: May 4, 2007
Location: BJCC, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re done with Backlash but it does not seem like we are done with Batista vs. Undertaker. The two of them went to a draw in a Last Man Standing match at the pay per view and that probably means we get another match between the two of them, which is not a bad thing. I’m not sure what that is going to mean, but hopefully WWE can keep up their roll. Let’s get to it.

Here is Backlash if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

William Regal vs. Boogeyman

This isn’t quite the normal start, but Little Boogeyman is back. Dave Taylor is here too but he doesn’t have quite the merchandising potential. Grappling doesn’t quite work for Regal so Boogeyman gyrates a bit. Regal gets a bit more violent by sending him shoulder first into the post and kicking the arm. Some forearms have Boogeyman in trouble as Cole calls him a “must see character”. The chinlock doesn’t last long as the fans bring Boogeyman back to life. The chokebomb connects but Taylor comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was short and to the point, likely for the sake of setting up another match of some kind. They went a bit more technical than I was expecting here but Regal got better once he turned into the brawler. Keeping this short was probably better for Boogeyman, as he isn’t exactly the best thing to see in the ring most of the time.

Post match the beatdown is on, with Little Boogeyman taking a beating of his own. Kane runs in for the save, chasing the Brits into the crowd.

We look at Vince McMahon becoming ECW World Champion.

Dusty Rhodes is in Teddy Long’s office but Teddy doesn’t think he would be a good choice for an assistant’s role. Rhodes thought it was for the GM’s job and leaves (Dusty: “See ya playa!”). MVP comes in (MVP: “Was that the American Dream?”) and isn’t happy with what happened to him at Backlash. If he doesn’t get another US Title shot, he’s sitting out the rest of his contract. Long says he can have the title shot if he wins tonight….against Kane. Yelling ensues so MVP leaves, running into Sgt. Slaughter, the Brooklyn Brawler and the Miz, all of whom want to be Long’s assistant. Miz even throws in a HOO RAH.

Brian Kendrick vs. Domino

It really would be nice to think that WWE knows another way to present a tag team feud but that seems to be false hope. Deuce, Cherry and the injured Paul London are here too as Domino grabs an early headlock. Kendrick sends him outside and hits a heck of a suicide dive, only to have Domino come back with a knee to the face.

Back in and another knee, this time in the form of a drop, gives Domino two and we hit the chinlock. Kendrick raises a boot to cut off a middle rope unidentified flying….thing and hits a running forearm in the corner. Deuce takes out London but Kendrick kicks Deuce off the apron as he hits Sliced Bread for the pin.

Rating: C. Kendrick was flying all over the place here and it made for a good enough match, even if this feud has gone so far beyond stale that it’s barely worth caring about. The tag division really is that weak at the moment, or at least the face side of it is, because there has been nothing suggesting even one other team coming after the titles.

Here is Mr. Kennedy, complete with a graphic counting down to his Wrestlemania XXIV countdown. It’s 331 days until there is a new champion and his name is…..a catchphrase.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Matt Hardy

JBL thinks that Hardy could be in the main event of Wrestlemania as well, because JBL isn’t a great analyst. Hardy headlocks Kennedy down to start as JBL thinks next year’s Wrestlemania is in Tampa. Back up and Kennedy works on a headlock of his own to little avail. Cole uses this opportunity to hype up an upcoming clip of the end of Batista and Undertaker for approximately the 193rd time tonight.

Kennedy starts working on the arm before elbowing Hardy in the face. A backdrop sends Kennedy over the top though and we take a break, with Kennedy possibly having a busted nose. Back with Hardy hitting a middle rope elbow to the back of the head, only to have Kennedy take him down by the arm. The chinlock goes on again, meaning Cole can get in his 194th reference to the Batista/Undertaker clip.

Back up and they collide coming out of the corner until Kennedy is sent outside. He comes up favoring his shoulder but is still fine enough to kick Hardy hard into the steps. They head back inside with Kennedy grabbing a cravate to keep Hardy down. A clothesline gives Kennedy two and let’s hit that chinlock again. That’s broken up but Hardy’s bulldog out of the corner is broken up.

The second attempt connects to give Hardy two but Kennedy pulls him throat first across the top. The Side Effect drops Kennedy for two more and a double clothesline gives them two each. Kennedy counters the Twist of Fate into a Regal Roll for two but the Kenton Bomb only hits raised knees. Hardy’s middle rope legdrop gets yet another near fall so Kennedy shoves him at the referee. That doesn’t seem to bother Hardy, who comes back with the Twist of Fate for the pin.

Rating: B. This got some time and really picked up the pace in the last few minutes as they were trading a lot of near falls. That is not something you get to see very often in a free TV match and they made it work for the better part of twenty minutes. Nice stuff here, though Mr. Money in the Bank losing again holds it back a bit.

Video on Batista and Undertaker in the Last Man Standing match at Backlash. It was rather good, but not quite the epic showdown Cole made it out to be.

Teddy Long announces that next week, it’s Batista vs. Undertaker in a cage match to finish everything once and for all.

Maryse welcomes us back to the show.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Gregory Helms

Yang shoulders him down for a headlock to start, setting up an armdrag into an armbar. Back up and Helms blocks another armdrag and sends him outside. Helms tosses Yang back inside and grabs most of a half crab (minus stepping over), followed by a waistlock. Yang fights up again and hits a dropkick into a hurricanrana for a breather. Helms slams him out of the corner for two but a superplex is broken up. The top rope moonsault press finishes for Yang.

Rating: C. This was two people having a match for a few minutes with some nice moves thrown in. It had nothing as far as interest goes, as it’s not like the Cruiserweight Title means much of anything at the moment. The fact that it took me a little while to remember who the champion was should tell you all you need to know about the division right now, and that isn’t likely to get any better anytime soon.

Here is a serious Batista for a chat. He talks about what he and Undertaker put each other through at Backlash before going over the limit. After they crashed through everything, Batista was laying there asking himself it this was all worth it. Of course it was and he wanted to step out of his body and slap himself for asking such a stupid question. He’s ready to do it all over again because he has promised himself to win the title back, even if it means getting inside a cage next week.

Mark Henry is still coming back.

Finlay vs. Miz

Feeling out process to start until Miz actually manages to knock him outside. Even JBL is impressed, though Finlay nailing Miz in the head cuts that off in a hurry. Hornswoggle pops out for a cheap shot, sending JBL into a rant about how we have Little Boogeyman, Hornswoggle and Tazz around here. They head back in and Finlay takes off the turnbuckle pad, allowing him to throw Hornswoggle at Miz behind the referee’s back. Miz sends him shoulder first into the post for two though and the running corner clothesline hits Finlay again.

Cue Hornswoggle again (three times in a four minute match is a bit much), this time with a Shillelagh shot to Miz. The distraction lets Finlay run Miz over but Miz sends him into the apron. Hornswoggle pulls Miz underneath the ring this time but he’s right back out….wearing Hornswoggle’s hat. That’s too much for Miz, who takes the countout.

Rating: D+. This was basically Miz vs. Hornswoggle and that got a little tiring in a hurry. That being said, Miz is also starting to get a lot more comfortable in the ring and you can see a star starting to emerge. He has always been able to talk but if he can survive in the ring, he becomes even more valuable. Now someone get me Hornswoggle’s hat.

Undertaker promises to make Batista rest in peace next week. Short and to the point here.

We look at Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title (they’re REALLY high on this story, as they should be).

Kane vs. MVP

The winner challenges Chris Benoit for the US Title at Judgment Day. Kane powers him into the corner to start and then throws him back out, setting up an early bearhug. A powerslam out of the corner gives Kane two and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in MVP’s back. Kane knocks him down again and we take a break. Back with MVP sending him shoulder first into the post and hammering away to get a breather. The armbar makes it worse for Kane and a forearm to the shoulder gets two.

The referee breaks up something in the ropes so Kane is back with a clothesline. MVP is sent into the corner for the running clothesline but another shot to the arm gets him out of trouble. Kane uses the good arm to hit a side slam for two but MVP’s swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. A slam puts MVP down though and Kane hits the top rope clothesline. Cue William Regal and Dave Taylor though, with the latter distracting the referee so Regal can get in a brass knuckles shot. The Playmaker gives MVP the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure how much drama there was to this but it was nice to see things tied back into the opening segment to wrap this up. MVP continues to look like he could be a big deal on the show, but egads he has to win that title at the pay per view. It was a pretty nice match though, and Regal’s knuckles shot looked painful to make it better.

Overall Rating: C+. Overall, this was a solid enough week with Hardy vs. Kennedy being the highlight, but I think you can tell that something is a little off. Undertaker appearing in a pre-tape and a sudden World Title match being booked for TV isn’t the most encouraging sign, as it would suggest that something was wrong (which it turns out there was). Still though, good show, despite what felt like some stuff being thrown together at the last minute.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 23, 1999: The First

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 1999
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and in the surprise of the night, Mankind if the WWF Champion. That’s not the kind of thing you would expect to see, but then again this is 1999 WWF so oddities are a specialty. Steve Austin was attacked after the match was over, which should put him on the shelf for the time being. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a stills package of Mankind winning the WWF Title in a heck of a shock, plus the heck of a beatdown on Austin’s knee after the match.

Opening sequence.

Lawler welcomes us to the show, describing this as an action adventure series. That never sounds right.

JR is in the ring to interview Mankind but HHH and Chyna come out instead. HHH says there will be no celebration at his expense because he has been screwed over and over. It was supposed to be his moment because he became #1 contender. Then everything kept being taken away from him because the bar kept being raised. It happened time after time and once he got to Summerslam, he got a bogus referee who wouldn’t count a pin when he had a man beaten.

The fans chant for Austin and HHH goes on about how he had Austin beaten last night. The air came out from Austin’s soul and he was a beaten man, but it was a bunch of bull. Last night, HHH beat Austin within an inch of his life and now he’s laid on his back in a hospital bed with his legs in the air like a cheap prostitute. HHH remembers that Mankind and Austin are JR’s boys so he must be happy with what happened.

Well HHH is going to be happy right now, and he grabs JR in an armbar. He demands Mankind come out here right now or he’s snapping the thing. Cue Mankind but HHH says stop right there. The match is in a hurry….and HHH Breaks the arm anyway, as he should have. Mankind comes in to chase him off and says that since HHH broke his promise, he’s breaking his own: no title shot. Cue Shane McMahon to say oh yes the title shot is happening. So we just had a swerve into a swerve in the span of a minute and a half. It’s 1999 all right.

Michael Cole replaces JR.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg is challenging but Snow jumps him during the catchphrases (that’s evil). A chair shot puts Dogg on the floor and it’s time to unload with the weapons. Pepper the dog, in a pet carrier, watches as Snow loads up a table and Cole wonders why Pepper isn’t talking to Road Dogg (that was kind of funny). Snow tries to ride a ladder down onto Dogg on a table but only the ladder hits the table. Dogg puts Snow through the table but here is Chris Jericho to go after Dogg for the no contest.

Post match, Big Boss Man comes out to hit Snow with the nightstick and STEAL PEPPER!

We cut to the back where Chris Jericho and Road Dogg are still fighting but Boss Man comes by to deck Dogg. Boss Man throws Pepper in the back of a car and drives away, with Al Snow showing up to give chase.

Post break Snow is asking if anyone knows where Pepper is, apparently not having seen Boss Man leave. He wasn’t that far in front of him.

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. Undertaker/Big Show

Undertaker/Big Show, with Paul Bearer, are defending with Kane/X-Pac on commentary. Of note, since Road Dogg did his own intro, Undertaker and Show’s intro marks the first ever introduction from the new ring announcer: Lilian Garcia. The Acolytes jump Show to start but he double clotheslines them down. A chop block slows Show down and Bradshaw drops him with a top rope shoulder, as Undertaker isn’t bothering to do anything. Faarooq goes after Undertaker and gets thrown over the announcers’ table for his effort. The brawl is on, with Kane and X-Pac getting involved for the DQ.

Post match X-Pac and Kane get double teamed, including Undertaker chairing the heck out of Kane.

Test asks Stephanie McMahon to stay in the back for a bit.

And now, the Blonde Bytch Project, a Blair Witch parody, featuring Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards. They go out to find the title character and that’s the end of the first episode.

Here is Test for a chat and we look at some stills of him beating Shane McMahon last night. He has been through a lot lately and if he had to do it again, he would. There comes a time when you have to ask some questions, and sometimes you have to pop one. Therefore, he would like Stephanie McMahon to come out here.

Cue a smiling Stephanie but Shane McMahon runs in almost immediately. Violence is teased but Stephanie says hold it because Andrew (egads) makes her happy. Why can’t Shane love his sister for who she is? Test pulls Stephanie away and drops to a knee for a rather fast proposal. Stephanie needs some time to think about it but she does love him. Everything seems to be ok.

Chris Jericho wants Howard Finkel (whose name he can’t remember) to do something to be like Jericho.

Here is the new Eurocontinental Champion, Jeff Jarrett, along with Debra and Mark Henry. Jeff is happy with how Mark Henry helped him against D’Lo Brown last night, so he has a gift for Henry: the European Title! Debra has a present too. As the boss of Jarrett Enterprises, she needs an assistant. Since she already has the puppies, here is the debuting Miss Kitty, which seems to work for Debra. As for Jeff himself, he has left an open contract for a title shot on the locker room door. Someone can go sign it so we can have a title match for later. We have a match now though.

Mark Henry vs. Meat

Hold on though as D’Lo Brown jumps Meat in the back and we have a replacement.

Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title (I think). Brown hammers away to start but gets tossed up and onto his face. Henry misses the legdrop though, allowing Brown to hit one of his own. The Low Down connects but Jeff Jarrett comes in for the DQ.

Billy Gunn is looking for a pen and tells Chyna to watch the contract so no one can sign it. With Gunn gone, Chyna signs it herself. What a lying friend!

Post break, Billy can’t find Chyna and (jokingly, at least I think), calls her a b****.

The Rock vs. Gangrel

Gangrel has the New Brood, better known as the Hardy Boys, with him. Before the match, Rock says he’s ready to do various horrible things with Gangrel’s cup of blood. The brawl is on to start with Rock hammering away and hitting a clothesline out of the corner. Gangrel is smart enough to roll outside to avoid a worse beating and a New Brood distraction lets him takeover.

Back in and Rock hits a DDT for two and, after shrugging off Matt Hardy, sends Gangrel over the top. A quick necksnap across the top lets Gangrel get in a few shots but Jeff dives off the barricade to cut off Rock’s comeback. Cue Edge and Christian to go after the Hardys and Rock punches Gangrel down in the corner. The Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow finish in a hurry.

Rating: C-. I remember watching this match when I was a kid and it has always stuck with me. This wasn’t the start of a new story and it wasn’t going to go anywhere after the pin. What you got instead was a big star beating a lower level star, meaning neither of them are hurt. They kept it short and it was a watchable match, but it gave Rock something to do and Gangrel doesn’t lose anything (save for a match). Perfectly fine.

Post match the Rock says the WWF is trying to hold him back with people like Billy Gunn and Gangrel. He wants to be #1 contender and thinks it’s time to take matters into his own hands.

Howard Finkel is firing himself up because he’s “a warrior”.

Tori thinks Ivory has a humiliation fetish so let’s have an evening gown match on Smackdown. Yeah Smackdown debuts this Thursday and I believe this is the first mention of the show.

Here’s Howard Finkel to the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music to say that Chris Jericho is here to make this company better. There are some simpletons who don’t get it though, like the Road Dogg. Finkel calls Dogg out to explain what Y2J is all about. Cue Road Dogg, so Finkel shoves him a few times. That earns him a grab of the sweatshirt, but Chris Jericho comes through the crowd (after the full countdown) to beat Dogg down. Back to back powerbombs let Jericho pose on Dogg’s chest, complete with a C’MON BABY!

Billy Gunn is still looking for Chyna but HHH says don’t look too hard or you might find her.

Hardcore Holly is tired of his cousin Crash so he invites him to a battle of the super heavyweights.

Hardcore Holly vs. Crash Holly

Crash starts fast by dropkicking him out to the floor and they’re out in the crowd in a hurry. They wind up over by the sound equipment and then go backstage where both of them are whipped into various walls. Hardcore whips him into a ladder and they go outside to wrap this up. Not long enough to rate, but it wasn’t exactly a match anyway.

Steve Austin has suffered tendon and ligament damage in both knees thanks to HHH. Mankind comes in to say that HHH has done some stupid things in his quest to become a tough guy. He and Austin have never seen eye to eye but Austin has basically funded his retirement!

Al Snow is still distraught.

Mideon/Viscera vs. X-Pac/Kane

Paul Bearer, Big Show and Undertaker do commentary, including stealing Michael Cole’s headset. Lilian Garcia: “The following contest is scheduled for one round!” Mideon hammers on X-Pac to start so Kane comes in to take over instead. Cue the Acolytes down the ramp, with Undertaker calling them the phony tough and the crazy brave. Kane chokes Mideon on the mat as Bearer refers to himself as slender, with Undertaker not quite buying it.

Mideon manages to take him into the corner but Kane fights them off like they’re Mideon and Viscera. A Samoan drop puts Kane down for a good half second as he sits up, as Lawler asks if Big Show would ever stab Undertaker in the back. Undertaker: “King, you ever make another stupid comment like that and I’ll stab you in the face.” The hot tag brings in X-Pac to clean house with a Bronco Buster each. The Acolytes beat on Kane outside though, leaving Viscera to crush X-Pac behind. A splash is good enough to give Viscera the pin.

Rating: D+. That wasn’t the best one round match, if nothing else because they managed to have nine people involved in about four and a half minutes. That’s a very Russo deal, as he liked to have a lot of people running in and out, even if it might have been a bit much. You could have dropped either the Acolytes or the Undertaker/Big Show, but why do that when you can have EVERYONE?

Chris Jericho is thinking about giving Howard Finkel Smackdown.

Billy Gunn calls Chyna out for a less than friendly chat. Cue Chyna, with Gunn saying that he had a chance to be Intercontinental Champion, but she’s playing a game. Chyna says she isn’t playing and a brawl seems imminent, but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit Chyna with a guitar. Miss Kitty tries to give Jarrett another, only to have Gunn take it away and blast Jarrett instead.

We recap the WWF Title match being set up.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Mankind

HHH is challenging and the Rock joins commentary. Rock: “Who’s booking this crap?” Cue Shane McMahon in a referee’s shirt so the fix can be even further in. Mankind knocks him down into the corner to start and hits the running knee to the face. That’s not even good for a one, as Shane is too busy shouting at the Rock. Mankind whips out Mr. Socko to take out Shane but has to backdrop his way out of a Pedigree attempt.

That means HHH can get Socko as well but here is Chyna, who gets a sock of her own. A double arm DDT plants HHH for a delayed two so they head outside to keep brawling. HHH whips Mankind into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the steps for a nasty crash. Back in and a neckbreaker gives HHH two, followed by a hard toss into the post.

There’s the jumping knee to the face (Rock: “Mankind sucks.”) into the knee drop but Mankind fights out of the corner. A running clothesline gets two and the Cactus Clothesline does what the Cactus Clothesline does. Shane is back up with a chair to Mankind, followed by HHH charring Mankind and the Rock for a bonus. The second referee is taken out and it’s the Pedigree to give HHH the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was a brawl for the most part and that’s what it should have been. They needed to get to the HHH title reign somehow and that’s exactly what they did. Mankind didn’t feel like he had a chance to retain here and sometimes that is the right thing to do. This is the historic title change and it was the right time to do it.

The Peacock version include the Extra Attitude post show footage, including HHH going after Mankind again. Mankind fights back this time and Rock comes in to help beat up Shane. A double People’s Elbow connects and Rock goes up the ramp, leaving Mankind to hit his own People’s Elbow. Mankind joins Rock on stage and wants a hug but has to settle for a handshake. Rock comes back out, the two of them stare at HHH and Shane, and it’s another handshake into a hug. The villains get to pose on the stage to end the night.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the better remembered shows from this era as it felt like something important actually happened. You don’t get that very often in this era, as so many of the things that take place come and go in the span of a few hours. The shows still go by so fast and there are a lot of things that don’t work, but it was nice to have a show that felt like it mattered for once and that was the case here, making it a little bit better.

 

 

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Backlash 2007 (2021 Redo): They’re On A Roll

Backlash 2007
Date: April 29, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Taz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

It’s the Wrestlemania followup show and the company is still on something of a hot streak. We have a big double main event as Batista challenges Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title in a Last Man Standing match and John Cena defends against Edge, Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton. That’s enough star power, plus Vince McMahon going for a title of his own. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how this is the Wrestlemania sequel, with a focus on the three top matches. Rather simple and to the point, but it works well.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Hardys are defending. Matt and Cade get things going with the latter driving him into the corner. That’s broken up so Cade goes with a running shoulder but Matt slugs his way out of trouble. A headlock takeover puts Cade down but it’s off to Murdoch, who walks into a slam. Jeff comes in with a slingshot dropkick and the elbow/flipping splash combination keeps Murdoch in trouble.

The Whisper in the Wind is more of a flipping Blockbuster but it lets the Hardys clear the ring. Jeff’s big Poetry In Motion to the floor has Cade and Murdoch down again and the champs are in control. Back in and Matt drops a middle rope elbow for two on Murdoch, who sends him into the corner for a breather. It’s back to Jeff, who gets pulled out to the floor for the crash to put him in trouble. The sitout spinebuster plants Jeff for two and Murdoch grabs the chinlock.

Back up and a neckbreaker and clothesline give Murdoch two each, followed by a big boot for the same. Cade comes back in for a chinlock of his own and it’s already back to Murdoch for a belly to back suplex. Jeff’s dropkick isn’t enough for the hot tag but kicking Murdoch out of the corner is, as Matt gets to come back in. Everything breaks down and Jeff is sent hard into the corner, leaving Cade to come off the top and hit Matt in the back. Murdoch’s Code Red gets two but Matt is back up with the Twist of Fate. With Matt cutting off Cade, Jeff Swantons Murdoch so Matt can get the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. It was a little long at over fifteen minutes but the Hardys winning a hard fought tag match is almost always a good idea. Cade and Murdoch are a good old fashioned roughneck brawling team and this was a fine way to use them. It felt like a pay per view title match, though trimming off a minute or two might have helped.

Vince and Shane McMahon are confident that they can beat Bobby Lashley, especially with Umaga around. How does this sound: ECW World Champion Vince McMahon?

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Mickie is challenging and wastes no time armdragging her down into an armbar. The grappling on the mat gives us a quick standoff until Mickie headscissors her back down. That’s broken up as Melina is sent into the corner, where she seems to be favoring her eye. Tis but a ruse though as she charges at Mickie, who hammers away to keep the champ in trouble. Mickie takes too long going up top though and gets shoved off into a heap on the floor.

Back in and Melina grabs a full nelson with her legs and even puts her hand on the rope for leverage (It’s interesting that just putting your hand there wouldn’t do much. The thing is though that fans understand it’s cheating so it can go a long way with almost no effort. Learn that kind of thing.). A choke in the corner has Mickie in more trouble and a middle rope Thesz press drops her again.

The chinlock doesn’t last long as Mickie drops down into the splits….and pulls Melina down into them with her. They slug it out from there until Mickie kicks her away. Some clotheslines and a hair toss have Melina in more trouble, with a high crossbody getting two. That’s enough for Melina, who goes to the eyes and drops her with a reverse DDT to retain.

Rating: C. They were working hard here but there is only so much that you can do when they are in the lowest level match on the card and the ending comes out of nowhere. Melina needs to be built up with wins like this so they did things as well as they could have. Not a terrible match, but it could have been on any given Raw.

Edge is ready to win the WWE Championship. Maria pulls out a fan question, asking how he won his first World Title. That would be Money in the Bank, so here is Mr. Kennedy with the briefcase to hint at a cash-in at the end of the night. Eh, not with that kind of telegraphing.

The Condemned hype comes to pay per view.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

MVP is challenging and drives him into the corner a few times to start. A leg dive doesn’t work for MVP and it’s time for the exchange of front facelocks. Benoit tries the Crossface but MVP is right over to the rope, as he should be. Back up and a headlock takeover slows Benoit down a bit until he reverses into a headscissors and then bridges up into a backslide for two. Benoit takes him down and gets the Sharpshooter, sending MVP back to the ropes.

Back up again and MVP hits a running boot to the back of the head to take over. The cravate goes on to stay on Benoit’s neck and MVP tosses him with a suplex for two more. MVP grabs a chinlock and the LET’S GO POWER RANGER chant gets on his nerves a bit. Benoit fights up and rolls the German suplexes but MVP is smart enough to grab the foot to prevent the Swan Dive.

A hot shot gives MVP a series of two counts but Benoit is right back with the Crossface, sending MVP back to the ropes. MVP is back with something like an armbar while cranking on the neck at the same time. The big boot misses though and Benoit rolls more German suplexes. The Swan Dive is loaded up but hits raised knees, allowing MVP to grab a half crab. That’s broken up so MVP tries a suplex, which is quickly reversed into a small package so Benoit can retain.

Rating: B-. The ending surprised me and that’s a good thing, at least in theory. At the end of the day, I’m not sure how smart it is to have Benoit retain the title as MVP needs to win something rather soon. Getting pinned by Benoit is hardly some terrible result, but how many times can MVP lose before it stops mattering anymore?

John Cena is asked about how title defense tonight but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton talks about how similar they are, including being handsome. An alliance is tossed out, but Cena would rather talk about the handsome part. It turns into a series of gay jokes, though it isn’t Cena’s thing. Orton says tonight is ending with Cena on his back and Orton on top, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

We recap the McMahons and Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley for Lashley’s ECW World Title. Lashley beat Umaga at Wrestlemania to force Vince McMahon to get his head shaved, so now it is time for revenge. Vince has put Lashley in a handicap match and Lashley….well he got as fired up as he could at least.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Lashley is defending but unfortunately Vince has traded the snazzy hat for a bandanna. Shane starts for the team and gets taken down for an early pummeling. There’s the spinebuster and Shane is on the floor in a hurry. Back in and Shane hands it off to Umaga, which is just fine with Lashley. Umaga takes him down but Lashley avoids a charge in the corner and hits some running clotheslines.

A clothesline puts Umaga on the floor and Shane goes with him, leaving Vince alone with Lashley. Umaga comes back in to save the boss and Shane low bridges Lashley to the floor. There’s a legdrop to keep Lashley in trouble and a hard whip into the corner makes it worse. Shane starts working on the arm and cranks away, with Lashley just kind of laying there cringing. The hold stays on for a good while, including a bodyscissors to make it worse. Lashley powerbombs his way to freedom but Umaga is right back with in with the save.

Umaga grabs the bearhug and then a Samoan drop gets two. It’s back to Shane for a camel clutch but Lashley fights up with some suplexes. A torture rack into a backbreaker gets two with Vince finally making the save. Umaga and Shane have to save Vince from the running powerslam and it’s a belt shot to the head. Vince comes in to count two but Lashley is done. Umaga adds the top rope splash and now Vince can get the pin to become ECW World Champion.

Rating: C. The match itself wasn’t great, but this was ALL about the title change, as Vince winning the ECW World Title is the ultimate slap in the face of ECW. In other words, it’s absolutely perfect and makes Umaga look like a star as well as he was the one who put Lashley down. It’s a great way to make ECW fans mad and hope that someone takes it back, even if it’s Lashley. Not much of a match, but a nice piece of business.

Shane runs around holding the title in a hilarious visual. Vince is awarded the title and orders that the ring announcer name him the new champion again.

Post commercial, Vince McMahon runs into the ECW Originals and mocks all of them, saying things are looking up for Sabu and stealing Sandman’s kendo stick. Vince and Shane: “EC DUB! EC DUB! EC DUB!”

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker in a Last Man Standing match for Undertaker’s Smackdown World Title. Undertaker took it from him at Wrestlemania and now it’s time for the much more violent rematch. Neither trusts each other, but there does seem to be some respect between then.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. Batista has a heavily taped up thigh and Undertaker sends him into the corner to start hammer away. It’s too early for a chokeslam so Undertaker scores with the jumping clothesline instead. Old School connects early but Batista is back with the running powerslam. They fight outside with Undertaker kicking him up against the apron and then going after the big target on the leg.

The apron legdrop gives Undertaker a five but Batista whips him knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker catches him on top for a superplex (that’s a rare one for Undertaker) for the big double knockdown. They slug it out until Batista hits a running clothesline and slams him down for a legdrop. Undertaker kicks him right back to the floor and loads up the announcers’ table, which can’t possibly go well. Instead, Undertaker hits him with the steps for seven and NOW it’s time for the bloody Batista to be put on the announcers’ table.

A heck of a jumping legdrop off the barricade crushes Batista for a nine. Back in and the spear gives Batista seven and the spinebuster puts Undertaker right back down. Two more spinebusters give Batista a nine but Undertaker comes right back with a chokeslam. That’s enough for a nine so Undertaker hammers away in the corner (that’s not smart), only to get pulled into the Batista Bomb for a very close nine.

A frustrated Batista grabs a chair and blasts him in the head but the Batista Bomb is countered with a backdrop onto the chair. The Tombstone is good for nine so Undertaker kicks him outside again. They fight up to the stage and the Tombstone is countered again, so Batista spears him off the stage. That sets off the sparks and part of the set falls down, which is enough for the double ten count and a draw.

Rating: B. They beat each other up for a long time and the legdrop spot looked good, but going to a draw in a Last Man Standing match is rarely going to get anything but an eye roll. The ending did look good and felt big, but it makes this match feel like it didn’t matter. You don’t want that kind of a feeling, though the third match should be good as well.

Both guys take their time getting up but leave on their own.

The Condemned is still a thing.

There was a fan poll on who will win the main event:

John Cena – 50%
Shawn Michaels – 34%
Randy Orton – 10%
Edge – 6%

We recap the four way for the Raw World Title. John Cena retained against Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania but Shawn wanted one more shot. That was cool with Cena, but Edge and Randy Orton wanted in as well. The match was made, and then Shawn beat Cena clean in a nearly hour long classic this week on Raw.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Cena is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They stare each other down at the bell and it seems that we are in for a mini tag match. We don’t get any contact until a minute in, when Edge and Orton are knocked to the floor. Shawn turns to chop Cena, who grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for two. Back in and Orton dropkicks Edge outside and all four wind up on the floor. Edge whips Orton into the steps but Shawn is back up to plant Edge with a slam. Shawn isn’t done as he moonsaults off the top onto all three of them.

Back in and Cena hits a double top rope Fameasser onto Edge and Michaels for the triple knockdown. Orton comes back in and sends Shawn and Edge outside, leaving Cena to get caught with the backbreaker for two. Cena gets sent into the post but Shawn is back in to slug away on Orton. Edge comes back in with a spinwheel kick on Shawn, meaning it’s time for a mini Rated-RKO reunion. A Cena comeback attempt gets shoved off the apron and onto the announcers’ table and there’s a double backdrop to Shawn.

That sets up a double half crab (which somehow equals Boston instead of one) until Cena comes in for the real save. The Shuffle hits Edge but Shawn is up to send Cena and Orton face first into the post. Shawn loads up a piledriver through the announcers’ table but Edge makes the save with a chair. Another chair shot drops Orton, leaving Cena to pull Edge into the STFU. The rope is grabbed so Cena puts Orton in the same hold. Shawn makes the save and cleans house, including sending Orton and Edge outside.

The top rope elbow hits Cena and there’s one to Edge. Shawn loads up another to Orton but Cena breaks it up and we get the big Tower of Doom to leave everyone laying. Back up and Cena and Edge trade finisher attempts until Cena throws Edge and Shawn up onto his shoulders at the same time. Shawn slips off and tries the superkick but Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere. Cena breaks that up before one but walks into the Edgecution. Orton and Cena trade finisher attempts until Edge spears Orton down. The FU hits Edge but Cena walks into the superkick to leave everyone down….and Cena lands on Orton for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. The match took some time to get going, but ultimately it was the last few minutes that took this to another level. The last four or five minutes were absolute fire with one big spot after another. I love the ending too as Shawn knocks Cena silly and would have had him beat but Cena got lucky with the landing. You can go a few directions from that, and I’m sure we’ll see some fallout at the next pay per view.

Shawn is livid and yells at Cena, who looks confused.

Overall Rating: A-. You had a six match card and the two longest were very good while getting by far the most time. Throw in Benoit vs. MVP in a good match and the worst thing being Mickie vs. Melina in a watchable match and this was a heck of a show. I liked this more than I would have bet on as WWE continues having their very strong stretch over the last few months.

 

 

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Smackdown – April 27, 2007: WWE’s Version Of Shakespeare

Smackdown
Date: April 27, 2007
Location: Earl’s Court, London, England
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re overseas for the go home show for Backlash and that has all the makings for a pretty dull show. I’m sure the big names will be around, but how much are they actually going to do in this situation? This doesn’t feel like a spot for a bunch of top level stuff, though I would have said something similar for this week’s Raw. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open in the back with Batista beating up Mr. Kennedy. A rake to the eyes gives Kennedy a quick breather until someone who might have been Finlay makes the save, taking the cameraman out in the process. Batista and Finlay brawl into the arena until Kennedy comes in to go after Batista’s taped up thigh. Then the gong hits and the lights go out, with Undertaker appearing in the ring. Batista turns to yell at the villains and Undertaker disappears.

Post break Mr. Kennedy and Finlay want to see Undertaker vs. Batista tonight but Teddy Long puts them in the tag match instead. Let’s make that No DQ too. You would think the bad guys would learn one day.

Kane/Boogeyman vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

Kane unloads on Regal in the corner and it’s still weird to hear the fans cheering for Regal for once. Taylor comes in and gets choked in the corner as well so it’s back to Regal to actually punch Kane down. As JBL wonders how Boogeyman gets through customs, Kane hits a side slam into the top rope clothesline for two on Regal. Taylor gets knocked outside and we take a break.

Back with Taylor taking over on Regal’s arm and grabbing a crossface chickenwing. It’s back to Regal to hammer away some more as JBL is still going on about the customs. Kane belly to bellies his way to freedom but Taylor cuts him off again. There’s a double suplex to keep Kane in trouble but Taylor misses a middle rope spinning crossbody. Everything breaks down and Kane kicks Regal into a chokebomb for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here other than the freak show appeal, which is perfectly fine for a one off team. Despite commentary hyping up the idea that Kane and Boogeyman could go after the Tag Team Titles, it doesn’t feel like anything more than a quick one off match to blow off Kane vs. Regal/Taylor for good.

Post match Regal and Taylor bail from the threat of worms.

The Condemned opens today. Now get it onto DVD and then out of people’s minds so we can get away from it for good.

Deuce vs. Brian Kendrick

Domino, Cherry and Paul London are here too. Kendrick avoids some shots to the face to start and grabs a headlock. The headlock takeover lets Kendrick grind away a bit but Deuce fights up and puts on a headlock of his own. That’s broken up and Kendrick dropkicks him into the corner, only to get taken down again.

An elbow drop gives Deuce two and he punches Kendrick in the face to break up a sunset flip attempt. The double arm crank goes on but Kendrick is back up with a headscissors into an enziguri. Sliced Bread connects but Cherry offers a distraction, allowing Domino to go after the injured London. Deuce kicks Kendrick in the face for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic tag match here as it is clear that London and Kendrick’s time is over. They held the titles for the better part of ever so it is time to let someone else do something for the time being. There is nothing wrong with that either, as it isn’t like there is anyone else to challenge for the titles at the moment.

We look back at the opening brawl to set up tonight’s main event.

Deuce and Domino don’t feel like answering questions so they make like a banana and split.

Here is MVP with another of his international challenges. This week, he is facing two champions, both of whom are better than Chris Benoit. First up is a guy like Braveheart: the Scottish Champion, Hamlet Macbeth!

MVP vs. Hamlet Macbeth

Non-title and Macbeth (What bloody man is that?) has Braveheart face paint and a kilt to go with what looks like a bad fitting white sweater. MVP elbows and clotheslines him down to start the stomping. A neckbreaker lets MVP stomp away (as he makes assurance double sure) but the comeback is on, even as Macbeth loses his wig (this is a sorry sight). MVP takes his head off with a clothesline and hits the running boot in the corner, knocking him silly with one fell swoop. The Playmaker wraps Macbeth up, and what’s done cannot be undone. Hopefully he can bear a charmed life.

Post match MVP wants his second competitor, but gets a surprise challenger.

Chris Benoit vs. MVP

Non-title. Benoit suplexes him down for an early two and sends MVP hard into the corner. The charge hits boots though and MVP kicks him outside as we take a break. We come back with Benoit fighting out of a chinlock but getting knocked right back down. A suplex gives Benoit two and the chinlock goes on.

Back up and Benoit snaps off a German suplex into the Crossface, sending MVP straight to the rope. A superplex gets some delayed near falls and the Sharpshooter goes on, with MVP going to the rope again. Another Crossface sets up a third rope break so Benoit rolls some German suplexes. MVP rolls outside before the headbutt can launch though and takes the countout.

Rating: C+. It was intense while it lasted and MVP walking out makes the most sense. There is no need for him to get banged up when he has a title match coming up in two days so why take the beating here? MVP should win the title on Sunday as there is little for him to do if he doesn’t finally step up.

Teddy Long and Kristal are kissing in his office and declare their love for each other. They would love to spend some more time with each other so maybe Teddy could find someone to help him with his work around here. Kristal seems to approve.

Mark Henry is still on his way back.

Jillian Hall comes out to sing a song for the newly single Prince William until someone cuts her off (edited off of Peacock).

Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool

Some hair takedowns have Michelle in trouble to start but a cartwheel splash hits raised knees. Michelle slugs away and gets in an elbow to the face, setting up a Russian legsweep ala Brad Armstrong. Not that it mattes as Jillian hits an X Factor for the fast pin.

Post match Jillian goes to sing again but Michelle beats her up.

Backlash rundown.

Mr. Kennedy/Finlay vs. Batista/Undertaker

No DQ. Before the match, Kennedy talks about being a REAL American, where they play REAL football. Undertaker and Batista jump them before the bell and we start fast. Batista knees away at Finlay in the corner before it’s off to Undertaker and Kennedy. Undertaker actually gets caught in the corner so Kennedy can hammer away, only to get clotheslined down for two. Batista comes back in and catches Finlay on top before clearing the ring as we take a break.

Back with Batista hammering on Kennedy and handing it off to Undertaker. Old School is broken up but Undertaker is right back up with a boot to the face. Back to back Old Schools connect for two and Batista sends Finlay into the steps. Undertaker throws Kennedy outside and hits the big boot to the side of the head. Finlay gets thrown over the announcers’ table and we lose Cole for a bit.

Back in and Batista gets to beat up Kennedy, who eventually goes after the leg. The Shillelagh to the knee takes Batista down again and Undertaker is content to let Batista get beaten up. A spear gives Batista a breather but Finlay makes the save. Undertaker gets knocked off the apron and that’s enough to bring him back inside to clean house. Chokeslams plant both villains but Batista comes back in for the spinebuster to finish Kennedy, much to Undertaker’s annoyance.

Rating: C+. This was just a way to have Undertaker and Batista in the same ring before Backlash, with Undertaker being pleased at Batista’s pain. Kennedy and Finlay could have been any two good enough heels to fill in these spots and it would have worked out fine, so it isn’t like there is much to complain about.

Post match Batista says no one keeps him down for ten and he’s taking his title back. Undertaker says he’s coming for Batista’s soul to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. For a two hour commercial for half of Backlash, this worked out pretty well. You shouldn’t have been expecting much from this show and while what we got was good enough, it isn’t like there is anything worth seeing. Backlash has been ready to go for a few weeks now and this was about not screwing up on the way there. Good enough show, but just get us to the pay per view already.

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 16, 1999: The Really Big Debut

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 1999
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 14,178
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

My seemingly never ending quest to finish this year continues a mere eleven and a half months after the last two episodes. It’s the go home show for Summerslam and we are gearing up for Chyna getting her shot at the WWF Title against Steve Austin. That was the big story coming out of last week, as it was much more important than Chris Jericho’s debut. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Steve Austin having been attacked and Chyna becoming the new #1 contender for the WWF Title at Summerslam. If that sticks for more than two hours, I’ll be stunned.

Opening sequence.

Here is former #1 contender HHH, who is not happy with Chyna’s recent success (but he should be happy that he can rock some shorts). HHH wants the focus where it belongs and brings out Chyna. With Chyna in front of him, HHH talks about everything that Chyna has been through to get here and wants her to bask in her glory. HHH talks about how Chyna qualified for the Royal Rumble and he had a limo full of flowers for her. Then she qualified for King of the Ring and he got her an emerald ring (though he does not sound thrilled with any of this).

HHH talks about how he has always given to her, just like she has always done to him. Over the years though, he has never asked Chyna for anything…until now. What he wants is for them to have a match for the #1 contendership right now and Chyna can lay down for him. Chyna: “No.” HHH isn’t happy with that and says he made her so he can break her. He isn’t having this and is flat out telling her that he is getting the title shot. Chyna says he doesn’t have the right anatomy to beat her and the match seems to be made for later tonight.

Chris Jericho can’t find the stage.

Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg does his usual intro and Snow has his dog Pepper with him, which he hands to Lawler. This results in some screaming as the dog seems to be a bit wetter than usual. Dogg hammers away in the corner but Snow is right back with the arm trap headbutts. A slingshot legdrop hits Dogg again as we cut to a closeup of Pepper’s face for a pretty hilarious transition. Snow misses the moonsault and it’s time for the dancing punches….with the big one hitting the referee. Cue Big Boss Man to hit both of them with the nightstick and Dogg falls on top for the cheap pin.

Chris Jericho does NOT need his hair done. It’s already magnificent.

Here are Big Show and Undertaker, the latest monster pairing, along with Paul Bearer. Undertaker tells everyone to sit down and shut up because there is a Tag Team Title match tonight. It isn’t going to matter though because they are going to win the titles on Sunday. As for this week, Undertaker put Big Show through his paces by making him ride a motorcycle through Death Valley. The catch is Show only has enough gas for half of the trip.

Undertaker caught up to him and asked how Show was going to survive, with Undertaker saying Show promised to…..stab him in the back, cut off his flesh and make a coat to walk across the desert. Undertaker left him alone though and waited at the edge of the desert, where Show came out with snakeskin boots and carrying his motorcycle on his back. With that disturbing story out of the way, here is Chris Jericho of all people to interrupt.

Jericho says these two giant slugs have been out here to send people into their own worlds. They can’t form a coherent sentence so Jericho is here to save this segment. The only thing amazing about the two of them is the amount of TV time they are getting to make everyone change the channel. Well you can stop changing the channel because CHRIS JERICHO IS HERE!!! Undertaker doesn’t know who Jericho is, but he looks like someone with less ring time than Undertaker has had shower time. What a bizarre interruption, but nothing was topping that nutty Undertaker story.

Post break Chris Jericho has found a follower in Howard Finkel. This could be glorious.

Chyna vs. HHH

For Chyna’s #1 contendership and they slug it out in a hurry to start. Chyna charges into a shot to the face in the corner though and HHH punches her down again. The DDT brings HHH back down for two but he is back up with the facebuster. The stomping is on in the corner and HHH hits the running knee. Back up and Chyna backdrops him to the floor for a breather. Cue Mankind (fresh off of knee surgery) to hit HHH with the steps to give Chyna the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a bunch of punching and kicking with HHH dominating until Mankind cost him the win. It’s still hard to imagine Chyna getting a World Title shot at Summerslam but they threw in a curve ball here. We’re in a rather different world at this point and it can be fascinating to see all of these twists and turns.

Post match Mankind chases HHH off before coming back in to grab a mic. Mankind knows that there has always been some sexual tension between the two of them in their revealing little outfits (Chyna’s stunned face here is great), but he wants a piece of Summerslam. Therefore, if Chyna has the testic…..ovarical fortitude, she’ll give him a shot at the #1 contendership tonight. A low blow seems to be a no, but she grabs the mic to flat out say no. Mankind: “You sure?”

Chyna goes to leave but here is Commissioner Shawn Michaels to interrupt. After calling her honey and buttercup, Shawn thinks everyone who crosses Chyna gets a certain part of their body crushed. Shawn has a special place in his heart for Mankind though and the match is on for tonight.

Test vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman takes him down to start but misses a jumping elbow. That earns Blackman a swinging neckbreaker but here is Shane McMahon (feuding with Test) for a distraction. Blackman hits a bicycle kick so Shane comes in with the kendo stick for the DQ despite not actually doing anything.

Post match the beatdown is on but Ken Shamrock runs in to go after Blackman. Shane’s save attempt fails so Blackman canes Shamrock down as well. The villains leave Test and Shamrock laying.

Steve Austin says you don’t bounce a cinder block off of his head without getting some payback so everyone is on notice. As for Summerslam, he could beat HHH in twenty minutes but it could take five minutes or fifteen seconds to beat Chyna. If it’s Mankind then so be it because he’ll beat anyone.

Tag Team Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Acolytes

Kane and X-Pac are defense and it’s a brawl to start with X-Pac and Faarooq fighting on the floor. That leaves Bradshaw to hit a top rope shoulder on Kane as Big Show and Undertaker are here to watch. A double shoulder drops Kane again but he’s fine enough to send Faarooq head first into the mat. X-Pac comes in and gets taken down with a bulldog but is right back with his flipping clothesline. That’s enough for the tag to Kane for some house cleaning, including the top rope clothesline to Bradshaw.

X-Pac has to be saved from a powerbomb but Bradshaw can connect with the fall away slam. The second beatdown sequence is on, including Faarooq nearly losing X-Pac on a very fast powerslam. Back to back neckbreakers give Bradshaw two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and X-Pac grabs a quickly broken sleeper. A spinwheel kick gets X-Pac out of trouble and it’s back to Kane as everything breaks down. The Clothesline From Bradshaw blasts X-Pac but Kane chokeslams Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here as X-Pac and Kane were good choices for the little man/big man combination. I don’t think there was any doubt about a title change, but that might be the modern fan in me talking as the idea of complete insanity often reigned at this point. Best match of the night by a mile though, which shouldn’t be a big surprise.

Post match the Acolytes lay out the champs.

Hardcore Holly tells someone we can’t see to come out when he says to.

The British Bulldog is coming back.

Here is Hardcore Holly for a chat. Holly talks about being backed into a corner and that is something he just does not like. That’s why he has taken it upon his super heavyweight self and gotten himself another super heavyweight. Therefore, he would like us to meet his cousin: CRASH HOLLY! Crash says Undertaker and Big Show have some real problems now and pats Hardcore on the face. That’s grounds for a fight and they’re already brawling on the floor, plus into the crowd.

Mankind talks about how he and Chyna have had a few things going on, but he would never hit a woman in the mouth. He will however put a sock in her mouth and become #1 contender.

Mankind vs. Chyna

For the #1 contendership and we see HHH being held back by referees. Chyna kicks Mankind into the corner to start but he switches places with her. Mankind can’t bring himself to throw a punch so he throws her down with something like a hiptoss instead. A low blow gets Chyna out of trouble and the DDT gets two as HHH is forcing his way closer to the arena. Chyna gets in a slam as HHH has made it to the stage. The distraction lets Mankind whip out Mr. Socko for the Mandible Claw and the win.

Post match HHH runs in for the brawl with Mankind but Chyna breaks it up, allowing HHH to go after Mankind’s bad knee. Referees come out to separate them and here’s Shawn Michaels to announce Mankind as the #1 contender. Cue Shane McMahon (who needs his own song so I don’t think it’s Vince) to say that there is a conspiracy against HHH so tonight, it’s HHH vs. Mankind for the #1 contendership with Shane as guest referee. Shawn says hang on a second because as the Commissioner, he’s going to be the other referee for the No Holds Barred Falls Count Anywhere match. That’s also known as a Russo Special.

The Hollies have fought outside and onto a production truck, where Crash slams Hardcore. After asking if Hardcore is ok and being told he is fine, Crash gets suplexed as the fighting continues.

Here’s Billy Gunn for a chat. He has had an allergic reaction to his a** treatment, which has been swelling a bit. He’ll still be at Summerslam though and the Rock is going to look even worse than his a**. Cue the Rock to say Billy is one big piece of chicken s*** and walk us through the start of their theme songs. The fans at Summerslam are going to point at the Rock and watch him layeth the smacketh down.

The Rock brings out a woman with some rubber gloves, who gave Billy a special massage last week. What Billy doesn’t know though is that she rubbed a certain part of Billy with the people’s poison ivy. With that out of the way, Rock tells her to pancake herself back to Chicago as Billy lays on the ropes for a bit of relief.

Rock has some options at the moment. He could get a bottle of calamine lotion, pour the lotion out, fill it with monkey waste and stick it inside Billy, or he could walk down to the ring (like this), listen to the millions chanting his name (like this), embarrass a jabroni who holds the Rock’s glasses (like this, with an IT DOESN’T MATTER), and check Billy into the SmackDown Hotel.

The fight is on with Billy finding a kendo stick and taking Rock out with a few hard shots. Billy even steals some of Rock’s catchphrases before shoving Rock’s face against….well you know. Two things here: it continues to amaze me how ridiculous Gunn’s gimmick was, and also Rock was really not doing much at this point. Seriously, Billy Gunn at Summerslam?

Post break, Rock promises to make Billy famous at Summerslam, including making Billy give him a special kiss.

Mankind vs. HHH

For the #1 contendership (third time tonight) with Steve Austin on commentary. Shawn Michaels and Shane McMahon are the guest referees and this is hardcore, because HHH and Mankind need that many things going on. They slug it out to start as Austin talks about how someone has FINALLY fired HHH up. Mankind hammers him down in the corner and hits the running knee as Austin sounds ready to beat up Lawler.

The fight heads outside with Mankind sending him face first into the steps and choking with a camera cord. HHH is back with a clothesline and pounds away against the barricade. A backdrop on the ramp gives Mankind two (er, four, as it’s a double two, which isn’t three) but here’s Chyna with a cheap shot to take Mankind down again. Mankind gets in his own low blow but HHH grabs a small package for two more on the ramp.

They head back back to ringside with HHH sending him knees first into the steps as Austin threatens to Stun Jesse Ventura on Sunday. The knee is stomped in a variety of ways and the Figure Four goes on, sending Mankind to the ropes. As Austin (accurately) asks why the hold is broken in a No Holds Barred match, Chyna gets in another shot to the bad knee, HHH knocks Mankind back to the floor. A posting cuts Mankind off again and it’s time to bring in a chair.

Shawn takes the chair away from HHH though (Austin: “WHAT WAS THAT???”) and a double arm DDT gives Mankind a breather. The argument is on between the referees so Mankind loads up Mr. Socko on HHH. That earns him a belly to back suplex onto the chair….and it’s a double pin, because A DOUBLE REFEREE NO HOLDS BARRED FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH CAN’T HAVE A STRAIGHT FINISH!!!

Rating: C. Of course these two had a decent match against each other but egads that was a lot to take in at once. The ending sets up what should be an obvious triple threat match for the pay per view, because WWE liked doing wacky things at this point. The ending was all kinds of insane, but you had to know that was coming with something this screwy.

Post match the argument continues until a triple threat title match is announced for Summerslam. Shawn leaves, Austin beats up Shane and Mankind brawls with HHH to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Yeah I’m not sure what you were expecting here as this show had three #1 contenders matches (which gave us two #1 contenders), the people’s poison ivy and all kinds of short run ins and no contests/DQ finishes. There is WAY too much stuff going on with this show and it’s the biggest problem with this era. Another very busy show with very little to show for it, save for Crash’s debut of course because that is historic.

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Smackdown – April 20, 2007: Italian For Sandwich Show

Smackdown
Date: April 20, 2007
Location: Datchforum, Milan, Italy
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The Italian trip continues with the blue show and that could make for a good Smackdown. Last week saw the announcement of Undertaker vs. Batista II in a Last Man Standing match at Backlash, complete with some wacky bad partnering. I’m curious to see what else they have on tap around here as Smackdown has been pretty good as of late. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

It’s the 400th episode for a nice milestone.

Batista vs. Finlay

The referee warns Finlay about the shillelagh to start and Batista shoves him down to make it even worse. Back up and Batista works on the arm, including an armdrag into an armbar for a little variety. With that broken up, Finlay backs into the corner but comes back with a cheap shot to the face. That just annoys Batista so he takes Finlay down, sending Finlay to the ropes with complaints of something in his eye.

They head outside with Batista nailing a big boot to keep Finlay in trouble. We hit the chinlock back inside as we look at the third replay of the big boot. Finlay fights up and gets knocked over the top in a heap as we take a break. Back with Batista beating on Finlay on the floor but Mr. Kennedy runs in for the DQ. The post break part was maybe fifteen seconds.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as Batista basically squashed him throughout. They’ve done a good job of making Batista feel like that much more of a monster heading into Backlash though it’s weird to see Finlay taking this kind of a beating. It wasn’t a bad match or anything, but it was a strange way to go.

Post match the double beatdown is on and Batista is left laying with the Celtic Cross.

Smackdown is in an Italian newspaper.

Here’s your weekly Condemned video.

Here is Jillian Hall for a chat. Hall asks if the fans remember her and we see a clip of her attacking Ashley last week. Since Ashley can’t be here tonight, Hall has a special operatic song for us. The song is about eating a pizza so here is Michelle McCool to say Hall is horrible (in Italian for a twist). The brawl is on and Hall bails in a hurry.

Hardys/Chris Benoit vs. MVP/Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

When did Chavo and Helms become the new midcard heel team? Benoit and Guerrero get things going with Benoit shouldering him down. Guerrero grabs him by the leg and hands it off to MVP to stomp away. Helms comes in just as fast and gets taken into the corner so Matt can come in with the middle rope elbow to the head.

Matt gets hit in the face a few times though and Helms is back with a running clothesline. That just earns him a trip into the corner so it’s off to Jeff for a hiptoss. The Whisper in the Wind misses though and Helms gets him into the corner to set up the triple teaming. MVP’s big boot gets a Masahiro Chono reference from JBL (in case you thought it came from Cole) and it’s back to Helms to hammer away on the ropes.

Chavo’s basement dropkick gets two and we hit the front facelock. A dropkick gets two on Jeff and it’s a Demolition Decapitator of all things for two more. MVP’s kick to the back sets up a suplex for two but he makes the mistake of going after Benoit. The distraction lets Jeff get over for the hot tag to Benoit as everything breaks down. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton into the Swan Dive crushes Helms and a weird looking Sharpshooter is enough for the tap.

Rating: C+. I can always go for a good six man tag, if nothing else just for the sake of keeping things a little more fresh. Helms has fallen a few miles over the last few months and taking a fall here doesn’t change anything for him. It’s a perfectly good match and a fine way to use some TV time.

Maryse welcomes us back to the show.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Deuce N Domino

Deuce N Domino are challenging (again) and have Cherry with them. Kendrick and Deuce start things off with Kendrick running the ropes for a forearm to the face. London comes in to work on the arm with Kendrick coming back in with the elbow to the shoulder. A top rope stomp to the arm sets up another kick to said arm but Cherry offers a distraction. Domino is knocked outside and London loads up a moonsault…which only hits mat. The referee goes to check on London and the double teaming is on back inside.

Cue the trainers to check on London and he is taken to the back, leaving Kendrick to get double pummeled. The chinlock goes on and Domino hits a clothesline for two. Deuce grabs the front facelock before choking with a knee in the corner. It’s back to Domino for another two off another clothesline but Kendrick fights out of the corner. The attempt at a tag lets Kendrick know there is no London available and Crack Em In Da Mouth FINALLY gives Deuce N Domino the titles.

Rating: C. This was all about the last three seconds as London and Kendrick finally, and I do mean finally, lost the titles. It probably should have come a few weeks earlier as this is probably the fifth match between these teams. The fact that it was a handicap match for a good chunk of time at least made it a little different, though the ending was a little flat after Kendrick had been beaten up for awhile.

Raw Rebound.

Backlash rundown.

Mark Henry is still coming back.

Kane vs. William Regal/Dave Taylor

Regal starts for the knee and fires off the knees. That earns him a big toss into the corner as the fans are a bit silent here. Cole gets to list off various shows that don’t have as many episodes as Smackdown as Kane works on Regal’s arm. A shot to the face allows Regal to bring Taylor in, where Kane elbows him in the face. We get what sounds like an EDDIE chant as Regal sends Kane into the steps to take over.

Back in and the slow beating begins, including a variety of forearms from Regal. That earns him a heck of a right hand to knock Regal across the ring so it’s back to Taylor for a cravate. Regal comes back in and gets backdropped to give Kane a breather. Taylor grabs a crossface chickenwing (with Taylor insisting that HE’S GOT KANE NOW) and a jumping ax handle to the back gets two.

A double suplex gives Regal two more and the frustration begins to sit in. Taylor hits a dropkick into a chinlock, setting up Regal’s knee drop. A running knee to the face knocks Kane out of a fireman’s carry for two more but Kane is back with the double clothesline. Taylor is sent outside, leaving Regal to get side slammed. There’s the top rope clothesline to send Regal outside and the villains walk for the countout.

Rating: C. Everyone was working and the heels know how to do this style to perfection, but it isn’t the most interesting stuff to watch in a longer form. It also doesn’t help that they did all this stuff and then it went to a countout. These guys have been feuding for a few weeks now and it still hasn’t gotten beyond just kind of there.

The Condemned is getting media AND it has STUNTS!

William Regal and Dave Taylor complain to Teddy Long about Kane. That’s fine with Long, who puts them in a tag match (Regal: “I just told you we wanted to get AWAY from him!”) against Kane and the Boogeyman. The two of them leave so here is Kristal, who just finished a shopping spree. Various things were purchased on Teddy’s dime but he thinks she’s worth it. Kissing ensues.

We look at Mr. Kennedy and Finlay taking out Batista earlier.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he has been called a lot of things over the years, but now he is being called Mr. Money in the Bank. Kennedy ducks a right hand in the corner to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. More quick shots from Kennedy don’t do him much good as Undertaker knocks him down again.

A big boot gets two but Kennedy slugs his way out of Old School. The superplex brings Undertaker back down for two and Kennedy unloads as well as he can in the corner. That’s broken up with a clothesline and now Old School can connect for two. We take a break and come back with Undertaker sending Kennedy’s arm into the buckle and slapping on a Kimura. The running big boot in the corner misses though and Kennedy gets to stomp away for a change.

The kicks to the ribs and knee keep Undertaker in trouble and a running boot to the face makes it worse. We hit the chinlock as we get the second Chono reference of the night. Undertaker manages to dump him outside and the bad leg connects for the apron legdrop. They slug it out, allowing Cole to get in the best pure striker line. Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the chokeslam but Finlay runs in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. The ending was lacking a bit but at least they had a hard hitting fight on the way there. Kennedy is still good in the ring but he has yet to have that big match which takes him to the next level. This was better than some of the matches he has had before, which probably had something to do with being in there with Undertaker.

Post match the beatdown, including the briefcase to the head, puts Undertaker down and there’s the Celtic Cross to make it worse. The fans want Batista but the villains just leave, because Kennedy doesn’t seem to get how the Money in the Bank briefcase works.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a rather sandwiched edition of the show as you had the main event angle to open and close things, but not much in the middle. The Tag Team Title change meant a little something, but is anyone really going to be interested in those changing hands? It’s a fairly good show with nothing bad, though it was another show that was just a bridge to the pay per view next weekend.

 

 

 

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Smackdown – April 13, 2007: Can’t We All Just Beat Someone Up?

Smackdown
Date: April 13, 2007
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re on the way to whatever the next Smackdown pay per view is and Batista wants his rematch with Undertaker for the World Title. That’s fine with Undertaker, but he isn’t cool with King Booker jumping him to end last week’s show. It sounds like something he is going to deal with sooner than later and that isn’t likely to go well for Booker. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Teddy Long is in the ring to get things going. He isn’t wasting time tonight and announces Batista vs. Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title at Backlash in a Last Man Standing match. That’s a big upgrade but a violent match like that makes sense for guys who are going to beat on each other than hard.

Finlay/Hornswoggle vs. Mr. Kennedy

Fallout from Kennedy attacking Hornswoggle at Wrestlemania. That being said, there is no Hornswoggle to start, meaning this isn’t much of a handicap match. Before the match, Kennedy gets quite the positive reception and tells Finlay that they don’t have to do this. Things got out of hand in Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania and tension was high.

Kennedy apologizes but Finlay says he has never met anyone who whimpers and grovels like Kennedy does. He’ll give Kennedy the benefit of the doubt though so apology accepted. Just don’t touch Hornswoggle again. Hold on though as that isn’t cool with Teddy Long, who wants these two to wrestle tonight. They can do it as a team….against Batista and Undertaker. Anger ensues, possibly because Hornswoggle never appeared.

Michelle McCool is in the back and hears a suspicious sound (from like five rooms away). It’s Jillian Hall attacking Ashley because she wants to be in the Timbaland video instead of her. Michelle chases Jillian off as Paul London and Brian Kendrick come in too late.

Tag Team Titles: Deuce N Domino vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Deuce N Domino, with Cherry are challenging. London’s waistlock doesn’t get very far on Deuce but a small package gets two. London kicks at Deuce’s leg to get on his nerves so Domino comes in. Kendrick joins him for an armdrag and then another one into an armbar. It’s back to London and the champs clear the ring in a hurry, setting up London’s big dive onto Domino.

We take a break and come back with Kendrick armbarring Deuce but a distraction lets Domino get in a cheap shot. A suplex gives Domino two and it’s off to the chinlock. Back up and some choking on the ropes ensues, as the camera angles show you how small the building really is. The slow beating continues until Kendrick rolls away and dives over to London for the hot tag. House is cleaned in a hurry, including a top rope double stomp to the back for two on Domino. Deuce comes back in and sends Kendrick outside, setting up Crack Em In Da Mouth…but the referee DQ’s them for being in the ring too long.

Rating: C+. These teams have chemistry but I’m sick of seeing them fight. Either change the titles already or move on to something else because this is getting really repetitive. The ending leaves the door open for another rematch and I’m sure we’ll get that sooner than later, but they need to get somewhere with this already.

Teddy Long tells Kristal about how awesome next week’s 400th show will be in Milan, Italy. Deuce N Domino and Cherry come in and aren’t happy with the result. They get tossed out anyway.

The Condemned.

MVP vs. Chris Benoit

Non-title. MVP drives Benoit into the corner to start to show off a bit of power. An armdrag sends MVP into another corner though and it’s time for a standoff. That’s fine with Benoit, who takes him to the mat for an armbar without much trouble. The threat of the Crossface sends MVP bailing to the floor but he’s right back in with some forearms to the face. A running boot in the corner gives MVP two but Benoit snaps off a suplex.

Benoit hits a backbreaker and kicks away but MVP gets in a shot of his own to take back over. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Benoit gets to the apron and teases the German suplex to the floor. That’s broken up as expected and MVP posts him to send us to a break. Back with Benoit fighting out of another chinlock but charging into a belly to belly. A hard whip sends Benoit into the corner and MVP starts in on Benoit’s banged up arm.

Three straight elbows give MVP two but a snap northern lights suplex gives Benoit the same. The Crossface goes on, with MVP getting his foot on the ropes in a hurry. Some rolling German suplexes have MVP in trouble but he avoids the Swan Dive. MVP hammers away and kicks Benoit in the head but can’t German suplex him to the floor. Instead Benoit tries a rollup but MVP grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C+. These guys work well together and the cheating pin moves MVP back into the title match while also protecting Benoit. I’m sure they’ll be set up for Backlash as a result and that should be another good one. MVP has been ready to win the title for a long time now so Benoit dropping it is the right move in the near future.

Post break, MVP says he told us so and promises to win the title.

We recap King Booker attacking Undertaker last week and being slaughtered. He has suffered neck, knee and elbow injuries, meaning he’s out of action indefinitely. That’s a heck of at Tombstone to injure his knee.

Raw Rebound.

Kane vs. Daivari

Kane unloads on him to start like he’s Kane unloading on Daivari, including a hard shot to the face in the corner. There’s the side slam into the top rope clothesline, followed by Daivari’s ribs being bent around the post. The chokeslam finishes Daivari in a hurry.

Post match here are William Regal and Dave Taylor to go after Kane but they can’t even get him off his feet. Eventually they give up and run off.

Mark Henry is coming back.

Undertaker/Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy/Finlay

Finlay ducks away from Undertaker to start and hands it off to Kennedy, who gets taken into the corner for the pummeling. Undertaker charges into a boot though and the villains take over as Batista looks like he’s trying to remember where he parked. That’s broken up and Undertaker launches Kennedy into the corner to start throwing more right hands. Snake Eyes has Finlay in trouble but Batista tags himself in, allowing Kennedy to jump Undertaker. Batista tosses Finlay and spinebusters Kennedy but this time it’s Undertaker tagging himself in.

We take a break and come back with Undertaker rather forcibly tagging Batista. Kennedy gets stomped down and this time it’s Batista slapping Undertaker in the chest for the next tag. A Finlay distraction breaks up Old School but Undertaker shrugs off anything Kennedy throws at him. Batista comes back in for two off a suplex with Finlay making the save. Finlay comes in and is thrown right back into the corner for some right hands to the face.

There’s a heck of a clothesline to give Batista two and it’s back to Undertaker to keep pounding. This has been almost completely one sided so far as Undertaker drops the apron leg to Finlay. Old School is broken up by another blind tag and that’s not cool with Undertaker. The distraction lets Finlay jump Batista, with Undertaker just glaring instead of helping. Kennedy comes back in to start on Batista’s knee and a chop block cuts him down again. Finlay grabs the leg part of an STF and Kennedy sits down on the bad leg.

A Shillelagh shot to the leg makes it worse and Kennedy drives Batista’s back into the apron. The Indian Deathlock doesn’t work for Kennedy so he goes with some right hands to the face instead. It’s back to Finlay to pull on the leg a bit more, including a half crab. That’s finally enough to turn Undertaker into an unenthusiastic cheerleader, which seems to work as Batista is back with a spinebuster. Undertaker comes back in to clean house but Batista tags himself in again. As Undertaker beats on Finlay on the floor, the Batista Bomb finishes Kennedy.

Rating: B-. This was a different kind of match as it was much more about the storytelling than the action itself. Undertaker and Batista toyed with the two of them here and it was an effective way to build things up. They don’t like each other but they had to work together here. Granted it wasn’t the best teamwork, but the story was advanced and that’s what they were shooting for here. Nicely done, in a different way.

The staredown and title gesturing finishes the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m not sure what to think of this show but I liked enough of it. Backlash is already starting to take shape, though you can tell that they’re still in a bit of the post Wrestlemania zone. That can fade away even more next week, but for now it is just a good show instead of anything great. WWE continues to be on a roll though, and that is getting more impressive the further they are removed from Wrestlemania.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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