Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1998 (Original): This Year’s Wrestlemania

Summerslam 1998
Date: August 30, 1998
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 21,588
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

If there has ever been a Summerslam that could be put on par with Wrestlemania as far as build up and importance goes, this is it. The Attitude Era of 1998 was going full speed ahead with nothing in sight stop it as Austin vs. McMahon was dominating the wrestling world. The idea is that there was a conspiracy led by Vince to get the title off of Austin. The reason you had to see every show was no one knew who else was in on it.

That’s just downright creepy if you can ignore the fact that it’s professional wrestling. The main enemy of Austin was Undertaker, so guess what tonight’s main event is? This show was the crescendo of the summer and is exactly what a Summerslam is supposed to be like in my eyes. Every storyline was heavily built up, the showdowns were worth drooling over, and it’s in Madison freaking Square Garden.

Also, this show has some historical significance, as it was on this night that HHH and Rock launched themselves into the highest level of the company. For the better part of a year DX and the Nation had been feuding. However this was really just window dressing for Rock vs. HHH, and tonight was the final match in the feud: Rock defending the IC title against HHH in a ladder match. I’ve been looking forward to this match since I started this review as it’s one of my favorite matches ever. I’m going to call this the Milenko Special for something that comes in the second match. I’m actually looking forward to this, so let’s do it.

The buildup is perfect now and it just looks awesome. Excellent work here and it makes it look like a big time show.That wasn’t the intro, so we get this one. Basically Taker and Kane are together and Austin isn’t surprised, but he’s not afraid. What kind of a face would he be if he was? Vince says that Taker has to have Kane there with him to make sure he wins. Remember that line. The video cuts off really abruptly for some reason and it doesn’t go well. This is the home video so AC DC is edited out. Ross and Lawler are here and run down the card of course.

European Title: Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown

Apparently Austin broke a hearse that either of the Brothers could have been in. The name graphic for Val is placed perfectly as it covers his crotch as he’s gyrating and taking off the towel. He says he’s in the big apple and does his came, saw, came again line. As he’s doing this they cut to a gorgeous woman in the front row that is jaw dropping. Brown is billed from Helsinki after having been from Lisbon on Raw.

The announcer’s voice when he reads Helsinki is great as if he sounds like he’s thinking what in the world is wrong with my eyes? They keep talking about the hearse. This was back when Heat meant something. They need to bring it back as a preshow. At the time Brown was using the chest protector like Orton used the cast. He got injured about two months before but it’s a slow healing injury I guess. We go to a random shot of the crowd but the camera zooms in on someone.

It’s some guy in an open shirt and sunglasses with long blonde hair. His name is cliff or rock or something. Oh Edge, yeah that’s it. I’m sure he’ll never amount to anything. Back to the next big things, Val Venis and D’Lo Brown. Oh I forgot to mention the entrance. It’s the kind where when you look at the ring the entrance is straight ahead and it’s designed to look like gates.

Again, that’s just awesome looking as this show is being treated like a mega show and it’s paying off. Brown busts out a Texas Cloverleaf which oddly doesn’t get a bad Europe joke. A lot of the sound bites here are used in one of the Smackdown video games. Val goes up for…something and gets caught in the Sky High which is awesome but unnamed at this point. This is a good match so far which isn’t something you’d expect out of these two.

We have some solid chemistry here actually. Val really was good in the ring, at least better than he’s given credit for. He keeps going up top but it’s never in the right position for the splash. He finally gets one off but Brown gets the knees up. Crowd is marking hard for Brown actually. Correction they think he sucks. Could we possibly have dueling chants? We have more sex jokes from Lawler that are really under the radar if you don’t know what to listen for.

SWEET looking Low Down from Brown but it misses. Eventually Val steals the chest protector and goes for the splash but the referee tries to stop him and he gets crotched. Brown gets it back but Venis beats him up before putting it on again. Referee tries to stop him but he gets fired across the ring for the stupid DQ finish. Post match, the referee gets beaten on.

Rating: B. Very good match here, but the ending is just weak to me. I get that they didn’t want to do the title change but wanted Val to look strong, but they couldn’t do a count out or something? The referee thing was just stupid and it didn’t work for me. Either way, this was a great opener and it worked very well. Sometimes you find guys like these two that just work well together. When you find something like that, it’s a bonus.

Cole is in the back with the hearse as we find out that Kane and Taker weren’t in the hearse, but Mankind isn’t happy. He brought it apparently, and now it’s only good for giving the Brisco Brothers Body Shop some work. He also has a sledgehammer, which I guess HHH stole from him.

Oddities vs. Kai En Tai

This is a handicap match, because I guess three giants against four tiny men isn’t fair? Anyway, ICP plays the Oddities to the ring which actually gets a very nice reaction. They get all the fans waving their hands, including one scantily clad woman that needs to be dancing more. Apparently the Japanese team doesn’t like the Oddities for no apparent reason.

The Oddities are the Giant Silva who is taller than Khali and less talented, Kurrgan who was an interesting character until they turned him face, and Golga who is Earthquake in a mask and obsessed with Cartman from South Park. Ross says he likes ICP which stuns Lawler. This is mostly a comedy match, as no one on the planet thought the Oddities would lose. They were actually an interesting concept, but you need more odd characters than just three big guys.

In a funny spot, Kurrgan gets on his knees to fight Funaki, which sadly makes them about the same size. We get a tug of war between Kurrgan and the other team over Kai En Tai’s manager, Yamaguchi San. He may be the most annoying manager ever, even surpassing Slick, who had a cool song to make up for his annoyance. As the crowd somehow gets even quieter, all four small guys run in and attack Silva, which also doesn’t work.

Ross tries to compare him to Andre as I glare at my screen. Anyway, eventually Tenta, or Golga I guess, the most talented guy in this match is tagged in and gets beaten down surprisingly. The four man team actually is fun to watch as they work really well together. He comes back with a quadruple clothesline as this is going on WAY too long.

A double, double chokeslam followed by a huge splash finally ends this as ICP tries to bring the crowd back to life. I will give the Oddities this: the dancing was pretty funny.

Rating: C-. This was fairly funny, but it just went on way too long. It’s almost a ten minute comedy match, which is about twice as long as it needs to be. The gimmick was fine, but we get it: Kai En Tai couldn’t do crap here. You don’t need to make us see that over and over again.

Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac

This is hair vs. hair. Jarrett has Southern Justice with him as we continue to try to validate the Godwinns being employed. On Heat, the trio shaved Fink’s hair. I don’t remember him having much to begin with but ok. Debra desperately needs to get here. Fink is apparently an honorary DX member for tonight only. Sarge sends Southern Justice to the back. Fink doing the crotch chop is one of the greatest things of all time.

He also says suck it as part of my soul dies. Jarrett is the perfect size for someone like X Pac to fight. Like I’ve said, when Pac is fighting someone closer to his size he’s far less annoying and can be enjoyable. They’re working a fast paced match here and it’s working better. They keep going for awhile as this is turning into a good match. Fink gets up on the apron and Jarrett condemns himself to eternal torment by hitting him. This leads to an X Factor but Southern Justice comes out again.

They miss with the guitar and Pac drills Jarrett with it for the pin. The army of people that Jarrett has given haircuts to plus the Outlaws run out to help with the haircut. He’s not shaved, but he gets his short haircut that he had for years.

Rating: B. This was a solid match. Both guys can work a faster pace and in this case it was the right way to go. Both are far better when they don’t try to move up and fight like heavyweights. It was hard hitting and fast paced, which made this a very good little match.

Doc is looking at the Lion’s Den, which was a pretty cool concept. That’s up later on.

Cole is with the Rock, who attacked HHH earlier and hurt his knee. He rips into Cole as only he can do, which is always funny. He also says he’ll win.

Marc Mero/Jackie vs. Sable/Mystery Partner

Mero is doing the boxer thing at this time. There’s no clue who Sable’s partner is here. This is mainly over Sable vs. Mero, which was an interesting concept but it just didn’t work in the end. They tried so hard to make Sable a big deal as a wrestler and it just never worked that well. The partner is…..EDGE! Edge was still a rookie at this point so it’s really get how big he was going to become.

Anyway, this is more or less all about Sable, so it’s naturally not going to be that interesting. I swear that woman had a bigger ego than Hogan at times. She comes in and beats on Jackie for a bit because heaven forbid that Edge, the young guy who has a lot to prove still gets significant ring time. Eventually Edge does and immediately throws a great suicide dive over the top rope onto Mero before spanking Jackie to a big pop.

See what happens when you let someone with that little thing called real talent into the match? It gets a lot better and the crowd is more into it. The problem with Sable was simple: only horny men cared about her. Other than that, she was pretty much worthless. This is really just getting bad at this point. Not the in ring stuff, but how this is all about Sable.

Edge beats Mero up, then Sable comes in and gets a hurricanrana out of it, despite the rules earlier being men vs. men and women vs. women. Jackie helps out with the worst looking spot I’ve ever seen. Somehow Mero is too far from the corner for the falling headbutt spot, so Jackie steps forward and THEN collapses onto Mero’s crotch. Edge knocks him out even more, just so Sable can have Edge lift her up for a splash to get the win.

Ross of course screams SHE did it, after which Lawler (thank goodness) says THEY did it. I knew I always liked Jerry better. The referee raises Sable’s hand first, then goes back and raises their hands together. Ok now I’m just being picky. Post match, it’s all about what Sable did as this is just stupid now. Edge just kind of leaves as Sable celebrates. Commentary: Oh yeah Edge was good too.

Rating: F. Not for the match, which was ok, but for Sable. This match was a love letter from Sable to Sable and it was just bad to say the least. It was all about her and Edge, Jackie and Mero were just along for the ride. Edge did 90% of the work and was an afterthought.

Sable did two moves on her own, one of which was sloppy at best, yet the whole thing was about her. Even at the end of the match when JR said she did it, you knew this was all about her. That’s just flat out stupid no matter who it is. This really was stupid to me and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

We now get what to me was one of the funniest interviews I’ve seen in a long time. Mankind is panicking because he can’t find his sledgehammer (which he had like 30 minutes ago and we haven’t seen him do anything since then but whatever) and he doesn’t have a partner against the Outlaws. He and Kane are the tag champions at this point and it’s a hardcore match (billed as falls count anywhere and no holds barred but you get the idea).

He says that Cole should be his partner in getting their heads kicked in and he hands him a belt. This is something that should never be done again. Anyway, Vince comes up and we see the brilliance of these two characters. Foley is putty in Vince’s hands and you can see him just manipulating Mankind with a few short and simple words. It really is well done here. He promises Mick that if he wins, he’ll get him in the MSG hall of fame.

He brings Foley some weapons, which inspire Foley. Foley says that he thinks he has 13 words for the Outlaws: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? This is as bizarre as it sounds and maybe it’s the Foley mark in me, but I loved it.

Recap of the Owen/Shamrock feud, which was an ok idea, but it didn’t need Severn involved. Short version: Owen hates Shamrock for no apparent reason, so he got Dan Severn to train him and they’re having a match in a small octagon called the Lion’s Den, which is named after Shamrock’s training facility.

Lion’s Den Match: Owen Hart vs. Ken Shamrock

This match is taking place in a theater adjacent to MSG. I know that because Ross said that this match is taking place in a theater adjacent to MSG. So this is the WWF version of the UFC cage but they’re wrestling a WWF style match in there, which is about what you’d expect I guess, as it’s pretty clear Shamrock wouldn’t have much trouble in a real MMA fight with Owen.

Hart would hang on for awhile, but it’s not likely he would have much of a chance in the long run. The cage offers some different effects, but it’s nothing earth shattering. It’s better than a normal match would have been though, as it suits Shamrock very well. Speaking of that, he hits a sweet move as he gets a running start and plants his foot on the cage to jump backwards and catch Owen with I think either a back elbow or a dropkick.

Either way it looks very good and he nailed him with it. The cage isn’t really offering a lot of differences, but the main one is on whips. With no ropes, you’re just hitting cage, which has to hurt pretty badly. Hart gets the sharpshooter, which Ross says no one does better. Remind me never to leave WWF.

This is likely the coolest spot of the match as Shamrock crawls to the cage and climbs it while in the Sharpshooter, forcing the hold to be broken. The problem is they just brush over it, despite it being brilliant. Owen gets a choke on him but Shamrock runs up the cage to backflip out of it and gets the real ankle lock, not the Angle lock, to get the win.

Rating: B-. This was a weird concept and I guess it worked. It didn’t really fail, but it just wasn’t the best thing in the world. Overall the in cage stuff was fine, but it just wasn’t to my liking and I’m glad it only happened like three times.

Austin says he’ll do whatever it takes to keep the title.

Tag Titles: Mankind vs. New Age Outlaws

Like I said, there’s no Kane so this is virtually a hardcore handicap match. The announcer calls it a no holds barred pinfalls match count anywhere, so I wonder what he did during that long break they had for the Lion’s Den match. Both of the Outlaws are rocking South Park shirts, and remember this is back when that was a brand new show. There’s a dumpster at ringside. The Outlaws do a conchairto with cookie sheets.

I’ve always wondered why there were cookie sheets at ringside. Apparently the Outlaws should tag. Why? What are they going to do, get disqualified? This is really short and you can probably guess how it ends. Dang it I just realized I didn’t put up any matches from this show. You’ll live I suppose for this one.

Anyway, WZ is down right now so it’s not like I have anything else to do with my time. Anyway, the Outlaws win after a spike pile driver in the general area of the title belt. Now they’re going to put him in the dumpster. Post match, Kane is in the dumpster and drills Foley’s unseen body with the sledgehammer.

Rating: D+. This was really short and wasn’t that good. For a match like this, it can work but it needs a lot more than 6 minutes. Granted, I don’t think they were looking for a classic in this. It was just too short to get going and it felt like it was over just after it started.

Recap of DX vs. Nation, including the DX imitation of the Nation, which I’m sure you’ve all seen a million times. We also see D’Lo Brown pinning HHH for the European Title. It’s amusing that this is supposed to be DX vs. the Nation, yet all we see is HHH and Rock for about 95% of this. Oh yeah and that REALLY dumb time limit draw in a 2/3 falls match. All of that leads us to this. HHH’s promo before Summerslam from Raw: At Summerslam, you’re gonna bow to me! That’s all he said and that was perfect.

Ladder Match: IC Title: HHH vs. Rock

This is going to be good. The DX Band plays HHH to the ring, which is really cool actually. I think HHH is being followed by a nuclear power plant. Oh never mind. That’s just Chyna’s neon green outfit, not nuclear fallout. HHH picks Chris Warren, the singer, up and carries him around the ring while he’s still singing, which looks a bit stupid. I’ve never gotten the point in destroying the band’s equipment after a performance.

Oh yeah and at the time there was a bad storyline with Chyna and Mark Henry that ended with Henry almost sleeping with a transvestite. Yeah it was worse than it sounds. They start out with just standard stuff, but are out by the ladder inside of three minutes. In a bit of a surprising move, they don’t touch it yet. I like that. Save it for a solid buildup and then go for it. That being said, it’s in the ring less than 2 minutes later.

In a painful looking spot, Rock goes up the ladder but HHH comes off the top rope to stop him. He gets that done, but the ladder falls on him. He didn’t know it was coming, or he’s the greatest seller I’ve ever seen, and I’m leaning towards the former. Here we have a great example of why theatrical moves like the People’s Elbow are stupid. Rock has the ladder set up and drops an elbow off the apron down onto HHH who is laying on it.

How is that different than the People’s Elbow? In short, it isn’t, yet the People’s Elbow can win world titles. Explain to me how that makes any sense at all. Anyway, HHH’s knee gives out soon after this, as he has to put all his weight on it to stay up. Now that’s the focus of the match, which is something I really like. Now, instead of just big spot followed by big spot, we have a reason to pay attention to what’s not involved with the ladder.

That’s putting psychology in as well, as JR puts it: one legged men don’t win kicking contests, and they don’t climb ladders either. We get a Home Improvement reference to really date the show a bit. It’s rare to see two heavyweight guys in a match like this, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to be bad. Here you have two guys where it’s more about the feud rather than the prop and the gimmick, which is more or less a guaranteed way to make the match better.

Oh yeah the ladder is big and yellow for no apparent reason. We get an extra ladder to make things a bit more interesting. Henry and Chyna get into it on the floor as HHH stops Rock from winning. Soon thereafter Rock is busted open but HHH can’t climb the ladder because of his knee. Rock makes the save as HHH has to climb like a turtle. See, that’s nice for a change.

Instead of having the guy climb all slow for no reason other than to fill time and give the other guy a chance to catch him, we have a real reason. See how much better and more intelligent that seems? HHH’s knee is hurt, so he can’t climb. Behold the wonders of psychology, even in gimmick matches. Rock is down, so HHH gets a chair and just wears him out with it.

Since it’s a gimmick match though, Rock is back up inside of 20 seconds and land a People’s Elbow on the ladder. They fight over the ladder but HHH gets up it a bit. However, he jumps off onto Rock and lands right in the Rock Bottom. HHH catches him though because the ladder is almost broken. He pulls him down with one hand since he’s the Game and lands the Pedigree as both guys are pretty much dead, with good reasoning.

They’ve beaten the living tar out of each other and it’s a tossup at this point. Ross is losing his mind at this point. With both guys down, Henry throws powder into his eyes and since the ref didn’t see it, it’s ok. It’s a ladder match. What could he do anyway? Even blinded, HHH climbs the ladder perfectly. Rock goes after him but Chyna low blows him. HHH gets up the rest of the ladder and grabs the belt to blow the roof off the place as DX runs out to celebrate.

Rating: A+. This right here is what WWE needs so desperately to do today: give two young guns nearly half an hour and let them go steal the show. This match worked for many reasons, but the biggest was it wasn’t about the ladder and big spots. It was about the two guys trying to get the win, with the spots being something that helped them accomplish that goal.

The knee injury was great as well, with HHH barely being able to walk for a large part of the match. The crowd was WAY into this as the pop for HHH winning the title and ending the feud was great. This is an absolute classic and to me could rival Shawn and Razor.

We go to “exclusive home video footage” of Rock heading to his locker room. Hearing the people say they need to get Taker ready isn’t something that should air. More or less, Rock says he’s still the people’s champ, no matter what.

This is the culmination of the entire summer, which was the theme being the ending of the road being here at Summerslam. That’s actually really smart. Apparently Taker says no Kane. Ross says this should be a classic. That’s just funny. No video package or recap or anything. That’s VERY rare.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

I’m sure you know the story, but just in case: basically, Taker is accused of being the main guy in a giant conspiracy against Steve Austin, which Vince denies every time. All the signs are there though, so Austin believes that it’s Taker who is the mastermind. Now, this would result in one of my all time favorite angles, and the ONLY time when a Vince Russo angle got to where it was supposed to go and got him labeled a genius.

Eventually, Taker and Kane took the title from Austin in a “triple threat”, which was really a handicap. However, Taker started turning crazy as Rock won the title. Eventually, Taker formed the Ministry to fight Vince and struck out on his own to take over the company. Vince and Shane, who was new as a big time character, formed the Corporation to fight Taker, but Shane kicked Vince out.

This is where the angle got intense, as Taker started being very satanic in nature, burning crosses, sacrificing people, and more or less bringing in religion to the shows. This leads to the big one, which is Taker kidnapping Stephanie at the end of Backlash. In perhaps my all time favorite segment, he was attempting to marry Stephanie, but Austin comes out and single handedly takes out the Ministry.

A few weeks later, Taker has the belt and says that the Higher Power is coming soon. It turns out that the higher power is Vince. Vince destroyed his family, tortured his daughter, and nearly ended his whole company, all to get the WWF Title off of Steve Austin. Holy goodness was this cool at the time. It all culminated in Austin being named CEO, which after a few other things, led to Austin beating Taker for the title on Raw, which if my memory is right is still the highest rated single match in wrestling history.

WOW I went off on a tangent there. Sorry about that but I love this stuff. As Taker is coming out, you can hear someone that sounds like Lawler shout GET OUT EARL. You can see Earl slide out, just as pyro goes off in the ring. That was insanely close. They do the real glass for the shatter here which is always cool looking. Austin is rocking the Smoking Skull belt here.

There’s a moment in this match that changes the whole thing. It’s said that these two simply couldn’t have a good match together. I disagree. At In Your House 15, they had a very good one. However, like I said, there’s a moment in here where things change drastically, which I’ll mention when we get to it. This starts off very weird, with them battling over control of each other’s arm.

Austin even uses a drop toe hold into a fujiwara armbar. Now, a lot of you may be thinking, how is this different than Hogan and Sting sucking the life out of Starrcade 1997? Well, the answer is kind of unclear. I think the main thing is that they keep the pace going fast. While it’s mat based at first, they never stay in the same place twice. They keep the energy high, which is smart.

Not everything has to be punching and kicking to make it work, so they threw in something different. Now I’m not saying that it worked as the crowd is clearly a lot more silent now, but they’re far from dead. I think what they’re going for is a slow build to a big finish, and there’s not a thing wrong with that. What there is a thing wrong with is what happens next.

Taker whips him in and ducks. Austin, naturally, kicks him in the face. That’s a very standard move and it makes good sense. However, due to Taker’s height, his head slams into Austin’s chin, breaking his jaw. For the rest of the match, Austin is clearly off balance, and it makes them look bad. While Austin is clearly the bigger face, Taker isn’t really a full heel here, but he’s leaning more towards that way.

The announcers point out that Austin is hurt and just doesn’t look right. Dang something about Summerslam just doesn’t agree with him for some reason. We get some standard Taker beatdown stuff, but Old School is countered with an….no that had to be an error. I couldn’t have seen that. Austin couldn’t have used….an arm drag, could he? I…I think he might have. Ok this joke is stupid he used an arm drag.

As this happens, Kane comes out but Taker sends him back, which is odd indeed. Not sure if that was really needed actually. Austin works the knee, which makes a lot of sense. Psychology isn’t something you see that often from Austin, but he’s certainly an intelligent wrestler. He gets a bad reputation as nothing but a brawler, and that’s just not fair. They go to the crowd which is always fun.

The crowd is coming to life and dying again and again, but I think it’s more alive than dead. Austin goes for a stunner and the people go nuts, just for him grabbing at Taker’s head. That’s saying a lot. Austin is taking a freaking beating here. I’m not sure if I like this match or not. It’s certainly not terrible, but it’s nothing great. I think it’s another case of a match having insane hype and there’s just no way they can live up to that.

Taker keeps choking him to buy him more and more time to clear his head, so you at least have to give him points for that. Austin is on the Spanish announce table, as Taker goes up to the top. In a SICK looking spot, Taker hits Austin with a diving leg drop. Now for the problem: the table doesn’t give. The momentum just sends them sliding off of it, but the table is still standing.

That just can’t be a good idea and must hurt horribly. Think about that: Taker is billed at 325 so we’ll say 290, and that slams onto Austin who is on a table. DANG. He kicks out of this in the ring, which stuns JR. Ha, that wasn’t even meant to be a pun, but I laughed. Laugh people. We get the double clothesline, which even gets a pop. You have to love New York crowds. They’ll get excited about ANYTHING.

Alright, now we get to the end. We start (laugh again) with Austin’s comeback, which is standard stuff: punches and the double bird elbow. You can REALLY tell that Austin just isn’t all there. It’s showing really badly. Taker reverses to send Austin chest first into the corner, but he hits something that looks like a bad stunner. Even the announcers say that wasn’t a stunner.

Taker kicks out and hits a pretty bad chokeslam, then goes for the tombstone. Instead though, for some reason he can’t get Austin up so he crotches him on the top rope. They look like rookies out there. The rest of the match I thought was pretty good up until now. Lawler keeps trying to convince us that they went through the table, which is a lie. The ending is very weird and comes out of nowhere.

Taker is dominating, and goes for Old School again. He jumps, but Austin gets his arm up to low blow Taker. Kick, stunner, pinfall…really? Even the referee looks a bit confused for this one. Taker remains a semi-face by handing the belt to Austin after the match. Austin can barely get to the corner ropes right so he’s way out of it. Kane comes out to watch Austin right next to Taker. They leave together as Austin celebrates.

Rating: B-. This is a hard one to grade. Given the injuries to both, this was good. Factoring those out, this was bad. However, I’ll certainly make exceptions as both were hurt while trying to make something happen in the course of a match. It certainly wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t that far from it.

I see why people criticize it, but like I said earlier I think this suffers a lot from its hype. This match was built up as huge, and there was no way it could match that. Overall, I liked it though. Austin won clean, which needed to happen. It built him into an even bigger star, and Taker didn’t exactly lose everything because of it. I liked it, but I could see people hating it.

Overall Rating: B. I thought this was a very solid show, with the only bad match being the Oddities, but what do you expect from a comedy match with only a small bit of talent to go around? I still hate the Sable thing. It was just flat out overkill and wasn’t needed, since it only happened to build up her massive ego even more.

You have a flat out classic in the ladder match and what I thought was a good main event. It’s a solid show and definitely the biggest and best built Summerslam I’ve seen so far and maybe the best ever. This was a Wrestlemania like atmosphere and it definitely paid off. A very solid recommendation here, but not the highest.

 

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1996 (Original): Double Double

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

Well it’s certainly a new era in the WWF. For one thing, Shawn is the undisputed biggest star in the company right now. Bret is on hiatus, and a loud mouthed guy from Texas is flipping people off and cursing a lot. It’s like there’s a growing Attitude or something going on. Eh nothing will ever come of that. I remember this show really well but actually have never seen the main event all the way through.

When I was watching the show live I taped it and for some reason never watched the main event. I guess the tape messed up or something like that, but I’ve never seen all of it so this will be virgin territory for me. This is the night of the first Boiler Room Brawl which is by far and away the most famous match on the show. I have fond memories of this show, so let’s see if they’re justified.

Dark Match: Yokozuna vs. Steve Austin

Austin won the KOTR earlier this year and with his post match promo, instantly became one of the hottest things on the planet. Yoko weight 660 here and would be gone pretty soon. It really is sad to see someone that had undeniable talent reduced to this, simply based on the fact that he couldn’t control his weight. This is a very short match, maybe three minutes or so.

Austin tries to knock him down and can’t, Yoko takes over and goes to the corner, and then in one of the most infamous botches ever, the ring ropes break and Austin just pins him. I’ve never heard anyone say that was planned and based off the announcers’ reactions, it wasn’t planned. Yoko was clearly surprised when that happened, so I’d guess that was all unplanned. Like I said, Austin just kind of rolled him up for the pin afterwards.

Rating: C. This is very hard to grade so we’ll call it average I guess. N/A would probably be a much better grade actually. It’s way too short to tell if it’s good or bad, but it wasn’t terrible and it was on free TV, so how can I complain about bonus not awful wrestling?

We get a very well done intro talking about monsters that wear masks and the heroes that fight them. That’s a really cool idea as both heels wear masks which is a nice connection to make. This was one of the better packages I’ve seen in a long time.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

No real point to this match other than to have a fast opener which there’s nothing wrong with. Apparently both are good with martial arts. I think I missed that memo. Owen has a cast on his hand from an injury that I don’t remember happening. He’s doing the Orton thing as he’s been hurt forever apparently. Cornette isn’t there as he’s with Vader for the main event instead. Savio keeps going for the arm which is very basic yet quite intelligent strategy.

Ross wants to know how Owen passed a pre match physical. Are we supposed to believe that when matches are made on the fly that everyone has pre match physicals? Come on JR give us more credit than that. We go split screen to see Vader warming up for the main event as Vince says that Owen should feel slighted by being ignored by his manager. Why is it that every time someone throws a kick they’re instantly a martial artist?

Anyone else find that to be WAY too broad of a generalization? I certainly do for one. Savio doesn’t seem like much of a martial artist to me and neither does Owen, not in the slightest really. Vince continues to stir the pot saying that Stu isn’t as proud of Owen as of Bret. With talk like that, it’s no wonder he was almost a career heel. Owen has an armbar on Vega for a decent while and he bites Owen to escape. That’s either cool or just freaking stupid and I’m not sure which it is actually.

Clarence Mason, who is the lawyer for Cornette, starts walking towards ringside but no one is sure why. It turns out that he’s more or less staging a coup of Camp Cornette, but that was a bit off in the future. He was worthless to say the least. I’m pleasantly surprised with this match. It’s not mind blowing but it’s certainly not bad at all. I’d even go so far as to say it’s good.

A long match with faster guys is usually an excellent combination. It has one of the critical points that I think makes matches great: I’m not sure who is going to win. That uncertainly factor can work wonders for matches as it gives you a reason to want to see the ending. That’s what makes a match successful or any entertainment for that matter: you want to keep watching it because you’re not sure what’s coming.

They do a belly to back off the top but Savio’s head slams against the cast. Owen plays possum and slams the cast into Vega’s head before putting the Sharpshooter on him. Clarence comes in to celebrate but Owen isn’t sure why he’s there. Not a fan of the ending but this was a good match. On the replay you can see that the referee would have obviously seen the cast shot.

Rating: B+. Like I said I’m not a fan of the ending, but this was a very solid match in my eyes. It was up tempo, there was some storytelling in there, and I wasn’t positive who was going to win. It was a good way to set the tempo for the show and it’s given me high hopes. Based on this match alone, this show is better than last year’s.

Bradshaw comes out and beats up Savio with whom he was feuding with at the tiem in a decent but completely forgotten feud.

Todd goes into the boiler room to talk to Mankind, who says Taker shouldn’t come in here and that he’s ready for battle.

Tag Titles: Smoking Guns vs. New Rockers vs. Godwins vs. Bodydonnas

Again I ask, is it really that hard to get the tag titles on the show? New Rockers are Al Snow and Marty Jannetty, but Snow is known as Leif Cassidy at the time. This has elimination rules which automatically makes it better as it more or less gives you three matches for the price of one. Skip has a neck brace for no apparent reason. Dang the copyright for getting rid of Don’t Go Messin With A Country Boy. JR is given the task of explaining the tag title scene this year. Good luck good sir. You’ll be needing it.

Sunny as a cowgirl is incredibly attractive to say the least. Billy shouts about something unintelligible. She should have been one of the biggest names ever. Not just because of her looks either as she just had a great presence about her. You could see she just knew what to do in front of a camera. That’s a talent that no amount of looks can buy you. Yep, the champions are heels here, I guess along with the Bodydonnas and maybe the Rockers.

This is starting off very slow as would be expected until get the comedy idea of having the Guns fight each other. This lasts about 8 seconds as Zip comes in. He gets tripped and pinned very fast as I think Skip’s neck injury was legit. It seemed way too convenient and pointless to have them out there and eliminated so fast, so I’m assuming his neck really was hurt. I think they were faces or at least tweeners actually, which surprises me. Rockers take over on Hank.

This doesn’t last long as Hank realizes he’s fighting the freaking New Rockers and beats them up with relative ease, pinning one of them after the Slop Drop, bringing it down to the Guns vs. the Godwins. Due to the rules being the way they are, any way this ends means the titles can change hands. Not sure if that makes sense but it’s mid 90s WWF stuff so I’m just going to go with it. Billy just will not shut up and I’m sick of it already.

They beat on Henry for a long time until Billy being the brains of the team sets for a corner splash but screams first, leading to him getting caught. This allows for the lukewarm tag that no one could care less about. Apparently Bill Clinton is turning 50 today.

Hillbilly Jim goes after Sunny which allows for the double team to end the match and the Guns keep the titles. Afterwards Sunny talks about how great she is and offers a gift to the arena unveiling a massive poster of herself, which I’m certainly not complaining about.

Rating: B-. Eh, it was a pretty bland four team match but it let the Guns keep the belts with relative ease and it filled in some time on the card. It wasn’t particularly good, but it certainly did the job it was supposed to: title defense that took up some time and made the champions look good. That’s as good as it can get I guess.

British Bulldog vs. Sid

Not entirely sure why they’re fighting but I think Sid is feuding with all of Camp Cornette at this point. No Cornette with him though as Jim is with Vader. Sid says his usual insane stuff that goes nowhere at all. Again, why was he so freaking popular? Vince thinks Psycho Sid is crazy. Nice one there Vinny Mac.

Vince thinks fans are the same all over the world. Does he sleep through the Canadian shows? After Ross says don’t expect a lot of technical stuff from Sid he breaks out a headlock takeover and various suplexes, the last of which is countered into Davey’s suplex. Clarence Mason comes down to be pointless. Yes we have two big power guys here, laying on the mat with headlocks. I give up.

We see Vader warming up in the back with Cornette. They get it right here for the most part though by showing this while Sid is out on the floor rather than in the middle of action. Powerslam to Sid but Cornette comes out to yell at Mason. A second powerslam is blocked into a chokeslam and powerbomb by Sid to end it.

Rating: D. Boring match that did nothing at all but further the horrible Cornette vs. Mason feud for control over his stable. Once Mason took over the stable died completely. This was just a quick match that had nothing at all going for it and no one cared at all, or at least I didn’t.

Quick video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

This is stemming from Goldust hitting on Sable a lot in the past few weeks. At least there’s a reason for them to fight. That’s a nice lesson that the writers today need to learn: it’s very possible to have a decent feud with even the most basic of stories. Running in to beat on someone isn’t really a storyline. That’s the common issue that starts “feuds” anymore and that just doesn’t get it done most of the time. Mero says that he’s going to win.

Goldust has been calling Sable mommy or something like that. That was never really explained which I think is the best move. Vince says that Mero and Sable are special people. I’m guessing it means he slept with Sable. JR hints at something called the Wild Thing. It’ll end the match. Naturally in a Goldust match it starts with random stuff from him that inspired the character that is known as KB. I’ve always found Mero to be overrated but he’s doing pretty well here.

Who would have thought that Goldust would still be active 13 years later? Ahmed Johnson, the IC Champion, is out with an injury and they’re not sure what’s going to be done about the belt. It’s vacated very soon if I remember correctly. Correction it was vacated earlier in the week. Mero would win it in a tournament in about a month or so. Goldust takes over for awhile until Mero is beaten down pretty badly.

Mankind comes out for no apparent reason as he and Goldust were working together for no apparent reason. Mero goes into the corner and comes off with a….well he jumped off and…it was kind of like….well he just jumped backwards and hit Goldust. This was of course very risky since it was from Mero. We’re told that Pillman is interviewing Sid on the Superstar line. Have to love that they’ve gotten over Sid nearly killing him in the War Games match in the early 90s.

The fans and commentators are just bored out of their mind but the classic ten punches in the corner gets them going a bit. Mero finally gets in the air a bit and wakes the people up somewhat. After beating Goldust up, they completely screw this up as Mero debuts the Wild Thing, more commonly known as a Shooting Star Press. Now, Mero just debuted a new big move that was clearly a finisher. So the logical thing would be to have him get the pin with it right?

Apparently not as Marlena is on the ropes for all of 5 seconds, which added to the two count is enough for Goldust to kick out. Yeah, that’s great. Let Goldust just kick out of it. If you’re going to do that, have the two count and THEN Marlena up on the apron so the count stops and Mero goes after her. Just don’t kill the move’s credibility that quickly.

They show the double screen of Mero doing and talk about how great it was. Goldust hits the Curtain Call for the pin. I just don’t get that. What’s the point of debuting a huge move like that and have him lose? Goldust tries to kiss Sable but Mero beats him up pretty well for it.

Rating: C+. This just has me shaking my head. It made the Wild Thing look weak here to have Goldust simply kick out of it, as well as just have Goldust beat him clean maybe 90 seconds after it. The wrestling was fine, but I do not get what the point was of the Wild Thing.

Sunny and Farrooq come out, as Sunny’s stable now consists of two cowboys and a black supremacist/gladiator. Does that sound like the beginning of a bad joke to anyone else? Two cowboys, a gladiator and a gold digging woman? Either a bad joke or a cheap porn movie. His blue helmet just looks so stupid.

He’s out there yelling about not being the IC Champion. To make even more sense, he lost the tournament in the finals to Mero of all people. Simmons desperately needs to get in the Nation of Domination. Sunny says she gets what she wants and she wants the IC Title. Does that mean she’s going to be in the tournament?

We see a recap of Lawler vs. Jake Roberts. Now this was a very interesting and intense albeit short feud. The idea is simple: Roberts is a recovering alcoholic and Lawler is making fun of him for it, even having a big bottle of alcohol in the corner with him for the matches and offering Jake a drink. Lawler, as a heel, has a huge fear of snakes. Some of the this is actually really disturbing as Jake has a bad issue with alcohol, which means I don’t think it should be used as an angle.

Before the match, we’re introduced to the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Oh dear. He comes out to Luger’s music of all things so you know this is going to be bad. He can’t even get the headset on right to do commentary. For a guy like Vince that is obsessed with musclemen, this is just a big orgasm, complete with pyro for Henry.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

He’s been on commentary 10 seconds and I’m already annoyed with him. Lawler has a bag of his own but we don’t see what’s inside yet. He’s also rocking a Baltimore Ravens jersey, which is considered cheap heat but to me that’s just pure awesomeness. For an Indians fan like me, this is just fun. Sandy Alomar is there and he says he’s left tickets for the Modells. He brings Jake’s partners, the Jim Beam twins.

He insults Jake’s wife as Henry is cracking up at the jokes, despite being a face. They point out that Henry was injured in the Olympics, as Lawler says that he’s dumb enough to bronze a gold medal. Henry is just awful on commentary. His comebacks are that of a 6th grader. Lawler is just doing one liners here as is his trademark. I never realized how tall Jake is but he’s about 6’5 which is taller than Orton and HHH.

Harvey Whippleman is the referee so Lawler is the most normal person in the ring. Lawler shows what’s in his bag: a massive bottle of alcohol. Henry shows that he’s a long term heel, saying that he’s afraid of snakes. Roberts wraps Revelations, the big yellow snake, around the King. Wouldn’t that be a foreign object? Ross sounds like he’s giving moral support to Henry which is just stupid sounding. After about 7 minutes of stalling, they finally make contact.

However in this case, I’m ok with the stalling as it makes sense here. Vince talks about how Jake is a veteran. I’d think Lawler has more experience actually. Lawler steals a soda from the floor and throws it at Jake. Henry of course is concerned about the fan’s drinking tonight. My goodness he’s terrible at this. Ross suggests that Henry learn the DDT. Yeah that’s a big negative. Lawler hits Roberts in the throat with a bottle to pin him with the tights.

The ironic part of Perfect being on commentary was that he was a huge alcoholic too. After the match, Lawler pours whiskey down Jake’s throat. He gets another bottle to do the same, but Henry, the face, stops him. This got really quite intense, but it was better in ROH when Raven did it to Punk, with Dreamer’s help.

Rating: C-. This was all about the angle and not about the match at all. The match itself would probably be an F, but the angle is very solid. It’s a real life angle that can actually work out. The sad part was how Roberts fell apart with alcohol and drugs in the future as has been well documented.

Backlund is campaigning to be President.

Recap of Taker vs. Mankind. Nothing here that needs explaining.

Boiler Room Brawl: Mankind vs. Undertaker

The way you win here is to come to the ring and claim the urn from Paul Bearer, who will be standing in the ring for the whole match. This is an odd match as Taker comes into the boiler room and immediately stats looking for Mankind. The big problem at first is you can’t see anything. The lighting is terrible and it’s a lot of lurking in the shadows and stuff, which is fine but not for a wrestling match.

Everything is way too dark to really get anything going. The commentators are talking about how Mankind could be anywhere. Now we get to the weird part: as soon as Mankind sneaks up on Taker and beats him up, we lose commentary. It’s not like the audio dies, but they just stop talking. It’s really weird to have a match like this with no audio at all other than the wrestlers themselves and whatever sounds they make while beating on things.

As for the match itself, it’s mainly the two of them hitting each other with random objects, which is fine as it’s just a big brawl in an odd place but the chemistry they have is perfect with each other, making this very fun. We get random things from the announcers, but it’s like a word between all three of them a minute. I’m assuming there’s closed circuit or something in the arena. The video goes out momentarily too but Vince says they’re sorry for it. Ah there it is.

This is mainly just weapons use, which is ok but can only go on for so long. Mankind launches some steam at Taker, which may or may not have been scalding. The crowd pops huge for Taker getting a pipe to the balls for some reason. This is really starting to show how important commentary is to a match as it would help a lot here. Running knee to the area near Taker’s head into a steel door would hurt horribly I think, if nothing else it would hurt Mankind’s knee.

Taker is getting his head handed to him like never before, which seems to happen in every match he competes in against a big time heel. Mankind’s incoherent babbling is a very nice touch. More technical difficulties as I’m pretty sure the fans are watching on closed circuit as they boo the heck out of it. This is the longest its been out for, although we pop in long enough to see Taker being slammed. We’re back now and Mankind has a ladder.

When I say ladder, I mean an old wooden one, not the kind in ladder matches. Here’s where we get the most seen spot of this match, with Taker pulling Mankind off the ladder and him falling onto a bunch of pipes and pieces of metal and wood. Oh, apparently it was a big box. As Taker goes for the door, a thought occurs to me: when Taker was looking around for Mankind just after coming in, why didn’t he just turn around and leave?

The rules just said once they were both in the first to get to the urn in the ring wins, so why not just turn and run? Probably because it wouldn’t be much of a match if that’s what they did I suppose. Big shot with a fire extinguisher which is always cool. They get through the door which is good as this match was in bad need of a change of venue. Mankind does something very smart and barricades the door. That’s actually a brilliant move when you think about it.

The dumb part comes when he stands there to help barricade it. Isn’t the point of blocking the door to be able to run from it? It’s weird seeing wrestlers standing in the hallway as these two fight. Mankind throws hot coffee on Taker, which could be fake I suppose. After about 20 minutes they’re in the arena. The good part is that it doesn’t feel like this has been going that long, which to me says it hasn’t been boring.

Ah good we have TV monitors there to show the people what was going on during the earlier part of the match. That’s nice of them. They fight even more trying to get into the ring. This is a great touch as it’s just more brawling and I like that after this long there’s no real leader. In a sick looking spot, both are on the apron and Taker slings the ropes back and Mankind slams down on the concrete. Taker gets in the ring and takes the knee, but Bearer won’t give him the urn.

Mankind takes him out with the claw as Bearer is laughing. He slaps Taker as JR screams to stop that. Taker crawls to Paul, reaching up for the urn. Bearer slams him in the head with it and hands Mankind the urn for the win. This was huge at the time as Taker had always had Paul Bearer with him. As they leave, Bearer says he’s Paul Bearer and you’re not. Well I’m glad he can say his own name. Maybe next he’ll know his phone number.

We get a single gong which I thought was a mistake but the lights go out and druids start singing. They head to the ring I guess to help Taker. What was it like when they got to the arena? I’m trying to imagine them asking where their dressing room is. The druids carry him out in more darkness.

Naturally, he’d be back soon but feuding with Vader over the WWF Title #1 contender spot, eventually taking the belt at Mania. This would in turn lead to what was likely the biggest angle of his career, as in less than a year, Bear would mention the name of the man called Kane.

Rating: A-. This was a very good fight. The angle was huge at the end, but I think the brawling in the boiler room went on a bit too long. Coupling that with the lack of commentary and it’s just below a classic. This at the time was one of the most brutal matches ever, but what they would do in the summer of 98 blew this so far out of the water it’s unreal. Still, this was great.

In Your House promo.

Vader and Cornette, who is still a bigger name than Mark Madden as he’s on Summerslam here cutting a promo just before the main event, say that they’re going to beat up Shawn and take the title.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader had been built up as unstoppable all year and had pinned Shawn the previous month in a 6 man tag. The opening/formula is exactly what you would expect: Shawn starts off hot by throwing all kinds of high risk stuff and punches at Vader and they work for a long while. However, soon Vader takes over after landing a power bomb on the floor. Granted that’s the same move that nearly killed Mick Foley, but we can let that slide I suppose.

Shawn is just getting the tar beaten out of him here so he’s following the Bret Hart formula of start hot, look good getting beaten up, and then make your comeback. Shawn has some mini comebacks and Vader counters with a thumb to the eye. There’s something funny about that to me. Perfect drops the term go home, which means to end the match. That doesn’t happen at the moment of course though as that would just suck for a main event.

Shawn skins the cat which to me is one of the most athletic moves you can do along with the nip up. He gets caught though and Vader just throws him which is a cool looking move. Perfect just hates Shawn to say the least. Shawn keeps trying to come back with punches and clotheslines but they just don’t work. In an odd spot, he slides down to try a sunset flip but Vader puts his foot on Shawn’s chest. Shouldn’t that be a pin since Shawn’s shoulders are down?

He finally takes Vader down with a big clothesline. I think Shawn botches a move as he has Vader down to the elbow but he pulls up and just kind of lands next to Vader on his feet. I think he was trying to make it look like a big stomp but it just missed totally. I wonder why it wasn’t the elbow at that moment. They go to the floor and brawl again, but this time Vader picks up Shawn and drops him over the railing chest/ribs first.

Vader slides into the ring for the count out win. Wait, what the heck? Yes, Vader wins by count out that quick. The female fan at ringside is SCREAMING at Shawn to get up as apparently Becca has made her way to Cleveland. Cornette is ticked off and shouts into the mic that it’s not over yet and demands to keep going. Shawn is called a coward and agrees to keep going of course. Vader beats the tar out of Shawn but a powerbomb is countered by a bunch of punches.

Shawn finally gets the elbow but Cornette throws in the racket. Shawn catches it and beats the heck out of Vader, which is merely Shawn returning the favor for Cornette beating on Shawn earlier in the match. Vader wins by DQ. And so ends Summerslam…again with Shawn leaving to fight another day. Apparently it doesn’t though as Cornette is talking (stop the presses!) again.

Shawn of course accepts one more restart and they’re at it again. Shawn is killing him to start but gets caught. In between the ref goes down and there’s no one to count the pin. Also, Vader gets up from SCM. They set for the Vader Bomb but Shawn moves as the big man goes for the moonsault. He hits a moonsault from the top of his own onto Vader to get the pin. Perfect is ticked off and leaves the announce booth. He comes back all of three seconds later. Shawn poses us out to end the show.

Rating: A-. This was another very good match, but the triple ending just kind of left me scratching my head. It would have been fine had they just done a standard match by giving Vader a ton of time to beat on Shawn, ending with the moonsault to win in. Either way, this was a fine version of David vs. Goliath with Shawn looking like the giant killer at the end of it all to send the fans home happy.

Overall Rating: A. This show was AWESOME. It was the polar opposite of that excuse for a show we had last year. Every match is at least good with some solid angles, brutal matches and good technical stuff. I really liked what I saw here tonight and yes, this certainly lvies up to the hype. It’s certainly in the running for best Summerslam to date and perhaps best ever, but at the moment I’ll have to go with 92 just ahead of it. Still, excellent show and a big recommendation.

 

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1995 (2013 Redo): Save Us Shawn. Again.

Summerslam 1995
Date: August 27, 1995
Location: Pittsburgh Civic Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 18,062
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Hakushi vs. 1-2-3 Kid

The Kid is still a face here and is starting to look someone older. Hakushi is a Japanese guy who is covered in individual characters, even on his face. Feeling out process to start as they fight over a top wristlock. The Kid backflips out of a wristlock and armdrags Hakushi across the ring to take him down. Things speed up with the Kid hip tossing him down but being kicked off by Hakushi into a stalemate. They run the ropes again but both hold a rope and try superkicks but neither can connect.

Hakushi goes to the throat as Vince calls the show SummerSlime. A tilt-a-whirl slam puts the Kid down and Hakushi poses on the ropes for a few long moments. Hakushi hits a Vader Bomb for two and Vince thinks the match should be stopped. The Kid is sent to the floor and Hakushi hits a gorgeous moonsault from the mat to the floor followed by a top rope shoulder block for two back inside. A swan dive misses though and Kid sends him to the floor for a dive of his own. Back in and a slingshot legdrop gets two and a frog splash gets the same. The Kid tries a spin kick but gets caught in a quick powerbomb for the pin.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bob Holly

We go split screen to see the British Bulldog arriving but he has nothing to say. Helmsley hooks an abdominal stretch but has to hiptoss Holly over the top after he counters. Holly comes back with some dropkicks and some jobber level offense including a backdrop. He tries a second one though and gets caught in a Pedigree for the pin.

Blue Brothers vs. Smoking Gunns

The Gunns get a near fall off some double teaming but Billy walks into an H Bomb (double powerbomb) to stop the momentum dead. Eli puts Billy in the Tree of Woe but tags in Jacob instead of doing anything about it. Jacob draws in Bart to allow for more double teaming and Eli gets two off a powerslam. Billy comes back with a face plant to Jacob and makes the tag off to Bart. Everything breaks down and the Blus are sent into each other, allowing the Gunns to hit the Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop) on Eli for the pin.

Barry Horowitz vs. Skip

Dean Douglas calls the last match a travesty.

Blayze is defending and Faye is this rather frumpy fat chick designed to be disturbing. She also has Harvey Whippelman with him as her worshiping admirer. Alundra fires off some quickly kicks to start and the 280lb or so Faye runs her over in response. A bad looking hair pull sends Blayze down and some legdrops get two. Bertha misses a middle rope splash and a victory roll gets two for the champion. Three clotheslines get no count for Alundra as Harvey has the referee. Some middle rope dropkicks stagger Bertha but she avoids a third before hitting a Batista Bomb for the title.

Taker says Kama went too far.

Undertaker vs. Kama

Kama is more famous as Godfather and is the Supreme Fighting Machine here, which is kind of an MMA gimmick. Taker pounds away in the corner to start before choking Kama down, only to be kicked in the back when he looks at the casket. Taker knocks Kama over the top and onto the casket to freak him out before hitting a quick splash in the corner. Old School connects and Kama is thrown into the casket but pops right back out. A top rope clothesline puts Taker down for a second but he sits right back up.

Taker finally fights up but gets whipped into the corner to stop him cold again. The jumping clothesline puts Kama down and a regular clothesline puts him inside the casket, but Undertaker falls in with him and the lid closes. Kama fights out again and hits a neckbreaker in the ring to put the Dead Man down again. Not that it matters as Taker stands up, hits the chokeslam and tombstone and throws Kama into the casket for the win.

Lawler did what he does best: got somebody else to fight his battles for him. He went out and got someone else to fight for him. He got a dentist. Yankem was a demented tooth fairy.”

Isaac Yankem vs. Bret Hart

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

This is the second ladder match and Shawn is defending. Michaels is over like free beer in a frat house at this point so Razor is the heel by default. The original plan was Shawn vs. Sid but I guess Vince decided to give the show one awesome match to go with the rest of the drek. Also Doc Hendrix is on commentary now. Vince says you would have to be Andre the Giant with a jetpack on your back to reach the belt. SOMEBODY MAKE THAT MOVIE NOW!!!

Razor hands Shawn the belt post match and reaffirms his face status.

WWF World Title: King Mabel vs. Diesel

Ratings Comparison

Hakushi vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Original: B

Redo: C+

Bob Holly vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: D+

Redo: D

Smoking Guns vs. Blu Brothers

Original: D

Redo: D

Skip vs. Barry Horowitz

Original: B

Redo: D+

Alundra Blayze vs. Bertha Faye

Original: D+

Redo: F

Undertaker vs. Kama

Original: B-

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Isaas Yankem

Original: B-

Redo: C

Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

Redo: A

King Mabel vs. Diesel

Original: F+

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: F

Redo: D

The original had higher individual ratings but the overall rating was lower. I really was bad at this.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/29/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1995-worst-ppv-ever-pretty-much/

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1995 (Original): Bret Fights A Dentist

Summerslam 1995
Date: August 27, 1995
Location: Pittsburgh Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 18,062
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

We’re in the In Your House era now and if you’ve read my reviews of the earlier ones, you know what my thoughts are on the booking that was going on in this era. If you haven’t, go read them now you lazy jerks. Dang people trying to just read what comes later and avoid all of the intellectual labor. Anyway, we’re in 1995 and the business is at a seemingly dead end.

No one really knows where to go right now and it would take Hogan’s shocking turn in about 11 months to change everything. Hall and Nash are clearly almost on their way out at this point, which is interesting as they’re both in the singles title matches tonight. Now if you want proof that the business has no idea where to go, think about it. We’re at the point now where your big matches are a rematch of what was a big deal….a year and a half ago, and Diesel vs. Mabel.

Yes, that’s your main event: Diesel vs. Mabel. Bret Hart is fighting an evil dentist, and Barry Horowitz has a match on a pay per view. Think about that for a few minutes while we dig into what is considered one of the worst PPVs ever, Summerslam 1995. Side note: Nitro debuted 8 days after this.

Standard intro talking about the two big matches. Oh and Shawn is a face now. In the back we have Dean Douglas who is critiquing the matches tonight. For those of you that don’t know, Douglas was Matt Striker done properly.

1-2-3 Kid vs. Hakushi

Apparently Kid is from Minnesota, Minneapolis which is a place that’s known for it’s cheap heat. Yeah that joke makes no sense to me either so just go with it. Kid more or less botches jumping into the ring so he must have gotten genuine Columbian cocaine today. Hakushi lost a match to Barry Horowitz earlier in the day so take that for what it’s worth. This is actually a pretty good match so far with some very nice back and forth stuff going on.

Waltman really isn’t that bad against other cruiserweights. The heel is completely dominating as we have a lot of smarks in the crowd who are cheering him. He’d turn face soon enough so that’s all well and good. Lawler insults the Kid and the Pittsburgh fans, which isn’t really that hard to do. He sends Kid to the floor with a SWEET looking back kick. Kid makes his comeback which is actually pretty good. It’s a lot of interesting looking high flying stuff that works really well for someone of his size etc.

Eventually he goes for a spinwheel kick and gets caught in a suplex/powerbomb kind of move for the pin. I really like that ending as it made sense to have Kid keep going for bigger and bigger moves before finally getting caught. That’s a nice little touch to end on.

Rating: B. This was a very solid opener I thought. It was fast paced and exciting as both guys were jumping all over the place and it just flowed really well. The fans were into it which isn’t saying much as this is a very hot crowd to say the least. Good choice for an opener.

In the back, Mabel says that he won’t tell Doc what his surprise is for later.

HHH vs. Bob Holly

Holly is still the racecar guy here while it’s still very early in HHH’s WWF career. He’s been here about 4 months at this time so this is easily his biggest match to date against his toughest opponent. Lawler says that HHH is the kind of guy that eats Kentucky Fried Quail. Is that an insult or a compliment? Anyway, there’s a natural heel thing about HHH that works so well with this blueblood character.

Just about everyone that he would face would have a culture clash with him because who doesn’t hate some rich guy that thinks he’s better than you? BREAKING NEWS! The British Bulldog is here! This is apparently shocking and terrible as he turned heel last week, attacking Diesel. How can something like this happen? A WWF wrestler that’s a pretty big star coming to a WWF event? Yes folks, anything can happen in the WWF, even a guy coming to work.

We of course go split screen to show Smith walking. Oh my goodness, get these people an Emmy blast it! Even being the rich guy vs. the redneck, this is a very boring match. There’s no drama to it at all as Holly just isn’t that good and HHH doesn’t know how good he is yet. Imagine telling Vince back then that HHH would not only be a ten time world champion but also his son in law and the heir to the throne. After about 8 minutes of pure boredom, HHH wins with a not yet perfected pedigree.

Rating: D+. This is just flat out boring. No one wanted to see it and it’s more or less a glorified squash match. Where’s the fun in that? In my eyes, there’s very little indeed. Seriously, why was this on Summerslam again? Did they not have anything better that they could have put on here? They spent half the time talking about Smith so even the announcers didn’t care.

We see a video talking about the WWF vs. Pittsburgh firefighters in a tug of war for some charity thing. Bam Bam, Mabel, Henry Godwin and Savio? Something just doesn’t fit in there. It’s for charity so I can’t make any jokes about it really.

Smoking Guns vs. Blu Brothers

Blu Brothers were later known as DOA, Creative Control, Harris Brothers and I think the Bruise Brothers. They’re twins so this works really well s it’s easy to get heel heat by just switching. The Cowboys are just flat out boring. They’re ok in the ring but DANG they’re bland.

This is pretty much a tag version of the previous match as no one is interested and it feels like a weak house show match. It’s about 5 minutes long and is just a heel domination leading to the hot tag and the faces hitting the Sidewinder to end it. That’s all there is to it and no one could care less at all.

Rating: D. This was even worse than HHH’s match as it just doesn’t fit on Summerslam at all. It’s a bland match that feels like it belongs at a house show on its best day. Why would someone want to pay for something like this?

Barry Horowitz vs. Skip

This is actually kind of a cool story. Horowitz for those of you that don’t know is one of the biggest jobbers of all time, ranking up there with the Brooklyn Brawler. He hadn’t won a match in years yet somehow kept a job. Anyway, one night he pinned Skip when he wasn’t paying attention. A week later he somehow gets credit for another win after going to a time limit draw. For some reason, that warrants a match here at Summerslam.

Can someone explain to me why this is happening and not maybe a tag title match? It’s the second biggest show of the year, Raw has long since been established as the A show, and In Your House has debuted. Do we really need to give these guys, a relative newcomer and a jobber time on Summerslam, but not the world tag team titles? Sunny is Skip’s manager and I’m convinced she’s an alien. No human could be that hot.

Anyway, they start hot as Barry is wearing suspenders to go with his tights. They’re gone in about 8 seconds so what was the point of them? This is actually a pretty good match with some nice technical stuff. Sunny is sent to the back, causing 75% of male viewers to change the channel. For some reason she doesn’t leave which is a good thing. Candido is impressing me actually. His offense is very crisp and sharp with no botches or anything like that.

He passed away at only 33 and he was already an established veteran so he would certainly still be active today. Skip hits his diving headbutt finisher but pulls him up at the last second which even Lawler says is a bad idea. As he’s doing this, for no apparent reason, Hakushi comes out and distracts Skip. This allows Horowitz to roll him up for the small package while Skip’s hand is very close to Barry’s package.

Rating: B. This was a very good match. The story was fine and the in ring work was very good. There’s no noticeable botches or anything like that and you get an excellent feel good moment. However, I have to ask again: is this more important than a tag title match? Even a squash tag match would be fine, but there’s no need to have these two get 10 minutes plus at Summerslam.

Dean Douglas says that Horowitz didn’t deserve to win.

Todd says that Barry should have won and shows a short clip from the ladder match. Shawn comes in and says he’ll win no matter what.

Women’s Title: Bertha Faye vs. Alundra Blayze

Now THIS is one of the weirdest characters of all time. Weighing in at 230 pounds, Faye was just an ugly fat woman that Harvey Whippleman was in love with. She wore a skirt that showed her underwear and was fat. That’s about it. What was the point or thought behind this character? We’ve been trying to figure that out ever sense. Her song was called Sweet Loving Arms if that tells you anything. They did everything they could to make Blayze a big deal and it just never worked once.

This is a pretty short match which is likely good. Blayze of course knows some martial arts because every diva is skilled with them right? How many women use a kick as a major point of their offense?

Anyway, Alundra (how odd of a name is that anyway?) hits a bunch of kicks and big moves but she can’t beat the big fat chick, leading to the worst sitout powerbomb of all time and as the champion gets her shoulder up at 2, the three comes down and we have a new champion. She and Harvey celebrate in the aisle after the match.

Rating: D+. Oy vey this was bad. Neither was incredibly skilled in this match, which wasn’t fair as both could actually wrestle pretty well. Faye was a comedy character and Blayze would get the belt back in about two months or so. This was a waste of time though and wasn’t entertaining at all.

Recap of Taker vs. Kama, which was a pretty bad feud. Kama, aka the Godfather, stole his urn at Mania and made it into a necklace. He then beat up the creatures of the night, causing this to become a casket match. They did this at an In Your House show as a dark match which wasn’t that good. This has more time and is on a bigger stage, so maybe this is better.

Paul Bearer and Taker say Kama is in trouble.

Casket Match: Kama vs. Undertaker

Kama still works for DiBiase at this point. Hmm Taker in a violent gimmick match in Pittsburgh. Same thing happened later on in the Mankind Cell match. Kama of course isn’t afraid, as no heel has been in forever. Well at least in the beginning this is far better. What this should be is more or less Kozlov vs. Taker, and that’s what we’re getting. Kama is hammering him with big power strikes and Taker is absorbing them.

Kama is showing fear of the coffin so we’re getting inside his head too. This is light years ahead of what we had last month at In Your House. Taker goes to the floor and DiBiase kicks at him, leading to Bearer taking his jacket off to fight Ted. That is something I’d pay to see. Ted having been retired for awhile and likely out of shape vs. Paul Bearer. Oh my goodness that would be funny.

Kama suplexes him onto the closed casket. I can’t imagine a back injury in a casket match with Taker can you? The Rest In Peace chant really is awesome here. This is kind of standard Taker stuff, which means that it’s going just fine. Taker gets beaten down, then makes his comeback.

They both go inside the big wooden box at the same time and Kama crawls out, giving us the dragging him back under visual that Shawn made famous at the 98 Rumble. Eventually it’s tombstone and the dark box for Kama to give Taker the win.

Rating: B-. I was liking this. Kama is the perfect kind of heel to feed to Taker. He’s big and strong with good fighting skills, which makes it easy for Taker to fight him off and look good doing it. This was a long feud for Taker but no one really put much thought into it. All it really was supposed to do was keep him busy until he could move onto something big, which he did as he started feuding with Mable for a few months before moving on to Diesel soon after that.

We hit the recap button on Bret vs. Isaac Yankem, who is just an agent of Lawler to try to fight Bret. Some of the lines by Todd here are great. “Lawler did what he does best: got somebody else to fight his battles for him.” “He went out and got someone else to fight for him. He got a dentist.”

“Yankem was a demented tooth fairy.” You know, for all that Bret and Kane have done for the WWF, this might be their best stuff. Think about it: Kane is a crazed dentist which sounds like a bad horror movie. Wow, See No Evil 2 here we come! Anyway, Bret is the guy that has to fight a crazed dentist. How over the top can you get?

Bret Hart vs. Isaac Yankem

Isaac is from Decatur, Illinois. That just sounds funny to me for some reason. Hart says he’s tired of Lawler, and asks if a chiropractor is next. That made me laugh. No sweet leather jacket for Hart which sucks. This is another good matchup for Hart as he’s against a big guy that he can take down after getting beaten up. That’s a nice thing to get going which always works well. Taker is apparently on the Superstar line. That’s just a funny thing to imagine.

Crowd is WAY into Bret here. This is a pretty good back and forth match for the early part as they hammer on each other with Bret slowly breaking Isaac down but Kane hitting a power move to stop Bret dead in his tracks. Eventually the big guy takes over and works Bret into the ground pretty well. Bret has a sweet counter for this neck pull move that’s hard to describe. Basically Bret back flips out of it. It’s really cool looking.

The referee grabs Isaac by the hair and pulls him away which is just not smart. It makes the wrestler look bad because a referee is manhandling them and it’s just not professional. You can hear that Vince is seriously pissed off over it. Yep he’s fired. Anyway, this is mainly over the kiss my foot match that Lawler and Hart had where Lawler had to kiss not only Bret’s foot but his own.

He says it was like kissing a hog with halitosis, which is horrible. Also, Lawler sells sea shells by the seashore for six cents on Saturdays. They’re on the floor for awhile which is just more time for Hart to get beaten up as Isaac looks good. Kane even does a very short walk of the top rope to land a leg drop to the back of Bret’s head as he was hanging over the top rope.

DAng why hasn’t he done that since? Wow has Kane really been in the WWF nearly 15 years? That’s almost hard to believe if you think about it. Finally Hart has had ENOUGH and throws a suicide dive and beats the heck out of Isaac. Sharpshooter leads to Lawler helping Isaac get out which he more or less had to do. He’s now a manager instead of a commentator so Vince is on his own.

Oh this isn’t going to go well. Brea beats on him for a bit, drawing a mad pop from the crowd, but allowing Kane to hit a double axe from the top to save the King. Lawler eventually grabs Bret’s foot and tries to pull him out as Isaac helps him. This causes the referee to FINALLY DQ them after counting to six. They hang Bret between the top and middle ropes and pull on him which has to hurt badly.

Instead of just going in reverse of what got Bret in that position, the suits that run down decide to shove Bret’s head through the ropes, hurting him even worse. Did they not pay attention to Foley losing an ear in a similar thing? Oh he’s fine though. Being this close to Canada gives Bret his super human powers. It’s kind of like the sun with Superman, but Bret could take him in Canada.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good, but it was in essence a handicap match. While that’s all well and good, this should have been Bret vs. Lawler for one big and final blowoff match, maybe in a cage. Yeah I think that would have worked just fine. Kane was a good enough choice, but the focus was more on Lawler, which hurt things a bit. Either way, the stuff in the ring was very good and this was a solid 15 or so minute match.

IC Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

No transition here or anything at all other than the Razor promo. It’s the rematch of the ladder match. It doesn’t need much of an explanation so there we go. Shawn climbs the ladder in the aisle to stare down Razor which is a semi-famous image, or at least it was back then. Vince telling someone to get down is just wrong on so many levels.

They raise up the belt which is something you don’t often see. Doc Hendrix jumps in on commentary. Vince says that you would have to be Andre the Giant with a jetpack to reach the belt. Or you could just get a ladder but who am I to argue. Doc offers up a surprising stat: only once in Summerslam history up to that point, in 1993, did the IC Title not change hands. Hey he’s good for something.

Shawn says lift it up and there’s the bell. They slug it out to start and both guys escape finishers. Shawn is knocked to the floor and then stops Razor from getting the ladder. Why? Shawn has to bring it back also doesn’t he? Razor blocks Shawn’s suplex and suplexes him to the floor. I love that move. Not sure why but I always have. Either that or it just sounds good and I’m trying to fill in space.

Both finishers miss again and we get a double clothesline to give them a breather. Razor gets to the ladder which is enough for Vince to say he’ll win. Sid, the guy that gets the winner, is watching in the back. Shawn gets the ladder and control but it’s not like the match is ending anytime soon so the drama isn’t there at all.

Down goes the ladder and Shawn and he might have hurt his knee. Oh that’s funny. Shawn’s knee never gets hurt. The fans aren’t sure if they like what Razor is doing here or not. Shawn is more or less dead and falls as Razor tries to send him into the ladder. This is a much more psychological based match than before but they have some experience this time so that might have something to do with it.

Razor has been dominating for a good while here. No attempt at going for the belt yet though which doesn’t really surprise me. Lots of leg work which is logical. Shawn manages to send Razor to the floor but another knee shot takes away any kind of advantage Shawn may have gotten. Razor is wrestling heel here and it’s working pretty well. Granted that’s his natural style so it’s easy for him.

He goes up but Shawn literally makes a diving save to send him down. Doc declares this the greatest match he’s ever seen. It’s good but seriously, the best you’ve ever seen? That might be a stretch dude. Then again given how many drugs he probably did this might be the only match he can remember seeing. Shawn suplexes Razor off the ladder and everyone is down.

Razor eats ladder in the corner and Shawn takes over. Shawn goes up and hits a moonsault press. It kind of misses but it was close enough to still look ok. A splash from the top of the ladder misses and everyone is down. They slug it out on dop of the ladder and a headbutt from Razor sends both guys flying down. Doc says Ted and Sid have to be dancing in the streets. Or they could be watching in the bac on a monitor but same thing I guess.

Shawn charges with the ladder but goes through the ropes to the floor. Razor is like screw this and gets a second ladder. He finally gets the Edge off the ladder and both guys are down again. If there’s one criticism here it’s that they’re staying down for too many long stretches of time. Granted I can totally understand them needing a break.

Vince wants to know which one is the legal ladder. Is there a ladder checking team that I’m not aware of? Both guys climb up a ladder at the same time and Shawn gets more or less Sweet Chin Music to knock Razor off. And then like an IDIOT he jumps at the belt and misses completely, crashing down onto the mat. Shawn sends him to the floor and climbs again, getting his hands on the belt but just not grabbing it. He goes up again and gets it so I’d think the second one was just a slip or something.

Rating: B+. While not as good as their initial match, this is indeed an excellent one. The problem here is simple: how do you follow the greatest gimmick match of all time to that point, especially with the same two guys in it? Every spot you can look at and say it was better the first time or that wasn’t as good as the one you did last year.

That’s the issue they’re facing here, so while this is good, by comparison it just isn’t as solid of a match, which can mainly be attributed to the expectations they had coming into this match I think.

In the back Dean Douglas has a few choice words to say about the “Bad Guy”. This leads to Ramon coming in and beating him up, kickstarting their feud which would actually be Ramon’s last in the company before heading to WCW.

\WWF Title: Diesel vs. Mabel

Please help me get through this. Mabel won the KOTR because Vince got really high one night and decided he wanted to see how well he could screw up Summerslam, so he gives us this. Let’s see, how many other options were there that are better than this? Maybe every single person on the roster? Are you telling me you couldn’t have thrown someone like Owen Hart maybe in there? He would have at least given a decent match.

The problem here is simple: Mabel is too freaking fat for Diesel to muscle around like he’s always done, and it’s going to throw Diesel off his game. Therefore, you have a champion off his game and a big man that can’t do crap. Does this sound like a good equation to anyone at all? Mabel comes to the ring as KOTR with Sir Mo. Oh yes I can see the greatness so clearly here. Vince talks about how Bulldog and Luger are here.

Ooh, why did we not have either of those as a good main event? Oh I remember. We had to use that at In Your House instead of here where it would actually matter. Luger of course would be back in WCW 8 freaking days later after infamously having been in WWF one night and debuting for WCW the next night on the debut episode of Nitro, which when you think about it is absolutely brilliant and an amazing move.

Mabel looks like an idiot with that crown. In case you can’t tell, I hate this freaking match. We keep hearing about the royal plan. Oh yes, Mabel is clearly an evil genius. Give me a break Vince. Mabel starts on offense and Diesel gets beaten up. Soon thereafter we switch that up and put Mabel on offense as I have my family hide all sharp or blunt objects to keep me from hurting myself.

Shockingly enough, Diesel can’t do much other than punch and clothesline him, mainly because it’s the only offense he can use without getting a hernia. Oh yeah, Mabel is wearing his shiny purple and gold ensemble here. Mable eventually gets back in control and as I was waiting on, he sits on Diesel. He puts his hands on Nash’s face but doesn’t pull back, yet somehow it’s called a chinlock.

This goes on for EIGHTY FOUR SECONDS. Yes, I get that Mable needs a rest in there as after 5 minutes someone of his gravitational pull would get tired. HOWEVER, a minute and a half is WAY too much to have a fat guy sitting on his opponent. That’s all he’s doing: high impact sitting. Moe comes in of course and gets beaten up. Apparently this is the great and mighty royal plan: get your manager/tag partner/fellow homeless guy to beat on Diesel.

Oh my lord my feeble brain can’t comprehend such intricate and complex thoughts! Luger runs in for the save as I think the referee has sought out psychiatric help after having to stand out there and put up with this nonsense for ten minutes. Oh wait here’s part 2 of the plan: a leg drop on the floor! Luger beats up Moe, proving that he’s indeed smarter than a 5th grader.

The referee returns from rehab long enough to count a two on Diesel. Mabel jumps off the second rope in his attempt to change the rotation of the Earth but misses a splash. This combined with what’s called a clothesline from the second rope but is more Diesel jumping on Mable lead to the slowest count of all time and a succ…..a succ… I’m sorry but there was nothing successful about this match at all. Diesel keeps the belt let’s go with that. He poses with the belt to close us out.

Rating: F+. Do I really need to explain this one any further? I hate this match and I hate Nelson Frazier, who is easily one of the worst “wrestlers” of all time in my eyes.

Overall Rating: F. This was a hard one for me, but overall the good moments of this show just can’t get out from underneath the epicness of the nonsense on the card. Hakushi/Kid and Horowitz/Skip are actually quite good matches. I was impressed with them. However, there is no way you can justify having those two plus HHH and the Guns’ squashes all be on this show.

You have a 9 match card and I could see at the very most, four belonging on a major show: the opener because you simply need a hot opener to set the stage which that one certainly meets the requirements for, the Hart/Isaac match, Taker and Kama, and the ladder match. Of the two in the middle, they could have easily been altered to put Hart and Lawler together. The second and third matches are just wastes of time, plain and simple.

The HHH match I can kind of see the point in as it gives an up and coming star a PPV match to get himself over. I can almost come to validate that one, but not by much. The Guns’ match however has no business on a PPV, none. The next match was one of the best in ring matches of the night, but I ask again: WHY IS BARRY HOROWITZ WRESTLING AT SUMMERSLAM???

Women’s match was bad but since it’s a title match it can be justified I suppose, and then the main event I’ve already vented on. I’m sorry, but an opener, a ladder match that’s an inferior version of a match from a year and a half ago and two above average midcard matches simply are not enough to sell a PPV for me.

This show is just a flat out failure. It has its moments and would have been passable as a much lower level show, but this is unacceptable as the second biggest show of the year, which is saying how bad WWF was at this time when you had this and Mania 11, perhaps the worst of all time, as your big shows. This was horrible.

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1994 (2014 Redo): It Was A Different Time

Summerslam 1994
Date: August 29, 1994
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 23,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We open with highlights of the WWF softball team (that exists?) playing in a charity game against the Chicago media. Shawn of course plays without a shirt on. The video goes on for like five minutes with Monsoon doing commentary through every inning. Randy Savage, a former professional baseball player, hit a three run home run. The WWF won 9-7.

On to the actual wrestling tonight with Macho Man as Master of Ceremonies again. As Savage is posing in the ring, Lawler tells us that Diesel (currently Intercontinental Champion) and Shawn won the tag titles from the Headshrinkers last night in Indianapolis.

Headshrinkers vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/I.R.S.

The Million Dollar Team takes over on Fatu but a double clothesline puts he and Bigelow down. A double tag brings in Samu to face IRS as things break down a bit. A middle rope headbutt gets two on IRS and Bigelow is clotheslined out to the floor. IRS takes a double Stroke and Fatu adds the top rope splash but DiBiase has the referee. Bigelow goes after Albano which draws in Afa for the DQ.

Everyone brawls up the aisle.

We now get to the white elephant of the show: Leslie Nielsen and his partner from the Naked Gun movies is here to solve the mystery of the Undertaker. See, Undertaker had disappeared after the Royal Rumble but had vowed to return. DiBiase had a fake Undertaker doing his bidding but the real one was supposed to return tonight.

Nakano, the challenger, is a Japanese monster and has Luna Vachon in her corner. A quick clothesline and a hair drag put Blayze down as Nakano looks strong early. We hit a chinlock less than two minutes in but Blayze gets her feet on the ropes. A spin kick puts Nakano down for a few seconds but she comes back with a choke to take over again. Off to a modified Boston Crab as Nakano is destroying the champion so far.

Rating: C. This was an interesting match but it was hard to get into at times. Nakano was a monster who destroyed Blayze for about eight minutes and then Alundra got a quick suplex for the pin in fifteen seconds. Bull would win the title in a few months in Japan in a near masterpiece.

Shawn and Diesel brag about winning the tag titles but say Diesel will have no problem with Razor Ramon tonight. This is right around the time where the Kliq had taken over backstage and were basically running the company, hence them dominating the title scene.

Intercontinental Title: Diesel vs. Razor Ramon

The extra big man puts the big man in a sleeper but Razor comes out of it with a belly to back suplex. Diesel comes right back by launching Razor out to the floor, allowing Shawn to untie a buckle pad. Payton finally goes after Shawn but the distraction lets Shawn clothesline Razor down. Back in again and the champion hits his elbows and knee lifts in the corner but the referee stands in front of the exposed buckle. The referee looks at Shawn like an idiot, allowing Diesel to whip Ramon into the buckle for two.

Snake Eyes onto a covered buckle puts Ramon down again and an elbow to the back gets two. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back and a comeback attempt is countered by a boot to the face. Diesel hooks an abdominal stretch but eventually gets caught holding the top rope. Razor puts on an abdominal stretch of his own, only to be hiptossed down onto his bad back. Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is countered into a rollup for two and Razor starts coming back with right hands.

The middle rope bulldog gets two on Diesel as the fans are getting louder and louder. The Jackknife is countered but Diesel suplexes him down before Razor can follow up. Shawn tries to bring in the belt but gets caught in a tug of war with Payton. The referee yells at Payton so Shawn tries a superkick but of course hits the champion. Payton pulls Shawn out and Ramon pins the out cold Diesel for the title.

Diesel rants about Shawn screwing up and blames him for the loss.

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel

Rating: D-. This was very dull as Jarrett had nothing to work with at all. Mabel was just so huge that it was almost impossible for anyone to do anything against him. Unfortunately for us Mabel would be pushed down our throats the next year, somehow main eventing the 1995 edition of the show. The match sucked.

The detectives are in the aisle, Undertaker pops up behind them, neither sees him, more PPV time is wasted.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

The champion makes another save before climbing up to the top of the cage, straddling the top of it. Owen pulls him back in and they continue slugging it out on the top rope. Bret rams him into the cage wall but loses his balance in the process, putting both guys back down. Jim Neidhart and Davey Boy Smith, both brothers in law of the two in the ring, are watching in the crowd.

Owen is up first but Bret makes about his 49th save of the match. Bret rams him face first into the steel and goes up again but Owen reaches through the bars to bring him back in. Back in again and Owen plants the champion with a piledriver but Bret still makes a save. Owen throws Bret down off the cage but Owen falls as well. Bret crawls for the door and gets the upper half of his body out, only to be pulled back in again by his younger brother. The drama on these near escapes is getting higher and higher.

Post match Neidhart jumps Davey Boy, throws Bret back in and locks himself in with them. A huge beatdown of Bret ensues as the Hart Brothers try to get in the cage. Davey Boy FINALLY gets in and the other brothers follow to save Bret.

In the back Owen says Neidhart is his real family. A series of great tag matches followed.

We recap the Undertaker disappearing at the Royal Rumble. 9 guys beat him up and locked him in a casket but his “spirit” levitated out of the casket, swearing to return. We get a bunch of people saying they had seen Undertaker in delis and coffee shops but DiBiase said he would bring Undertaker back.

Undertaker vs. Undertaker

Real misses a charge and falls to the floor where Fake sends him into the steps. Back in and Real wins a slugout but walks into a good chokeslam for no cover. Fake Tombstones him down but takes too long to cover, allowing for the sit up. A second Tombstone is countered into the Real one, followed by two more for the pin.

Ratings Comparison

IRS/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Headshrinkers

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano

Original: D+

Redo: C

Razor Ramon vs. Diesel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Original: C-

Redo: D

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Original: A

Redo: A+

Undertaker vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/28/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-1994-from-great-matches-to-leslie-nielsen/

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1994 (Original): A Really Bad Idea

Summerslam 1994
Date: August 29, 1994
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 23,000
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Well, where to begin with the changes? For one, Bret is the WWF Champion and is in the middle of his epic reign with it which would end two months later at the hands of…technically Owen Hart but Backlund got the title in one of the oddest choices ever. Your double main event here is Hart vs. Hart and Taker vs. Taker. Yeah, Taker got….he got….well he got something at the Rumble and hasn’t been seen since.
This became a comedy storyline to an extent with Leslie Nielsen from the Naked Gun movies being brought in because there had been Taker sightings. A new Undertaker had been brought in by DiBiase and of course was evil. Aside from those two matches, I remember nothing at all about this show. It’s these two matches or nothing here, so let’s get to them, and hopefully some other stuff that’s worth watching on the card as well.

Macho Man opens the show. Wait what? How long was he there anyway? I know he was at Starrcade 94 and had a bit of a build up to his appearance there, so this must have been one of his very last appearances. He uses a line from All About Eve which makes me smile. He throws it to Vince and Jerry so this was really just to get the crowd into the show.

Ah apparently this is his last WWF appearance. We’re told that there are new tag champions which I guess happened at a house show. Might help if I told you who the new champions are. It’s Shawn and Diesel. We run down the card and mention that Davey Boy is there in the crowd. Remember that as it plays a roll later one.

Bam Bam Bigelow/IRS vs. Headshrinkers

The Headshrinkers are the team that lost the tag belts, so I guess this was going to be a title match coming into this show? We’re getting more towards the modern look of the arena here as we have the lights in the shapes of dollar signs and the opening doors to the arena. This is part of the Million Dollar Team which is the original Cabinet but much better. Vince confirms that this was supposed to be a title match but now is non title which sucks for the heels.

I always like the Headshrinkers for some reason. When they were being built up as the top face team they worked like few others. Lou Albano is managing them now as this guy is the king of tag champions for some reason. They’re wearing crowns that look like Native American headdresses for some reason. Bigelow of course would soon be starting up the feud with LT that would just suck so heavily, making the 11th Mania perhaps the worst of all time. The Samoans are quite over here.

Fatu would of course later become known as Rikishi, the thong wearing, dancing Samoan. Bigelow would of course become IC’s porn. Faces are completely dominating for the majority of this match, which leads me to believe they’ll wind up losing. Of course as soon as I type that the Corporation takes over.

This lasts about a minute as the faces are in control again. Eventually they hit their double stroke and top rope splash move but it turns into a big fight with Afa beating up Bam Bam. It’s a DQ win for the heels (called it) and all four brawl up the aisle. Vince doesn’t understand why that’s the decision.

Rating: C+. It’s not bad, but it felt like it was in fast forward. Nothing was given time to develop which I guess is what an opener should be. This was fun I’d say, although me liking the Headshrinkers has a lot to do with that more than likely.

We go to the back where Leslie Nielsen is on the Undertaker’s Trail. There’s even a sign saying Undertaker’s Trail and an arrow. We can also hear his thoughts as he narrates. He runs into one of his co-stars who looks like Taker in the dark and they stand on a case, followed by them arguing over which of them is on the case. This is dumber than it sounds.

Razor says he’s getting the IC title back from Diesel. Walter Payton is going to be with him for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Alundra Blaze vs. Bull Nakano

Ok, Blaze is more commonly known as Madusa so that’s what I’ll be referring to her as partially. Nakano is a Japanese wrestler who is apparently a big deal over there. She comes out with Luna to Orient Express’ old music. This is the original women’s title, which is one of the biggest jokes in the history of wrestling, but in a way caused the Montreal Screwjob.

The division was a flat out waste as Blaze was the only woman that ever did anything with it, mainly as she was one of the few American women that could wrestle in the company. Anyway, she was champion for just about ever until she bailed for WCW. She’s the one that dropped the belt in the trash on live TV and made Vince paranoid to the point that he was afraid Bret would do the same thing with the WWF Title.

Anyway, you know the rest and here were are with the title match that no one cared about and most won’t today. Nakano just wasn’t someone that Americans cared about and got the same treatment that Chono and Muta got in WCW: Great workers, but no one cared at all. Nakano probably weighs about 200 pounds or so. Her hair is about a foot tall. There’s a Y in Blaze but I’m sick of the red lines under it.

This match is pretty bad. The problem simply was that women’s wrestling was somehow less serious back then than it is now. Blaze would be barely above an average worker in today’s product, but back then she was Trish and Lita rolled into one.

This is just not that interesting as it’s sloppy and your stereotypical women’s match in a lot of ways, from hair throws to poor execution. It’s ok I guess, but it’s really not that great. Blaze hits some bad looking takedowns before dodging the top rope leg and hitting the German suplex for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just there. It wasn’t that great but it wasn’t that terrible. The women’s division was just horrid back then and part of the reason was there wasn’t enough talent to warrant a whole division. Blaze was a pioneer for the division but there were far more talented workers later on.

Diesel and Shawn are with Todd, talking about their title win and then the IC Title match tonight. Diesel was actually quite good on the mic.

Intercontinental Title: Diesel vs. Razor Ramon

Diesel is champion here which is a very forgotten reign, especially since he’d get the world title in about three months. For some reason Shawn is introduced after Diesel is, despite him accompanying Diesel to the ring. Crowd pops like a coconut for Razor, as I still don’t get why he never got a short run with the world title. Yet again, a face befriends a local sports legend. Razor is wearing sky blue boots, which he can actually work I think.

The good thing about Razor here is that he’s a big guy so he can wrestle with big guys but he has the speed tactics here to counter Diesel, which makes this a very interesting match in my eyes. This is pretty standard yet solid fare here as Razor starts out hot and fast with Diesel eventually taking over with slower power moves which work very well for him. I still don’t get the point in Walter being there but that’s just me.

Shawn gets involved and helps beat on Razor as the football legend is still rather worthless in this match other than for moral support which is worthless of course. Shawn and Diesel combine to get the buckle exposed and ram Razor’s back into it. Jerry asks why Payton is there and is ignored. That’s a funny thing to me as even Vince has no idea but just won’t admit it. Walter has of course done nothing to counter Shawn this whole time.

We get a short comeback from Razor but it’s nothing of note really, which makes me wonder why I’m noting it here. Correction it’s a decent one as he throws those great right hands of his. After Shawn keeps getting involved and the referee keeps going after Walter, Shawn goes for the IC belt and he and Walter fight over it. Shawn loses the tug of war and goes for the kick. Of course it misses and Razor pins Diesel for the belt.

This would happen again and would result in Diesel and Shawn splitting, leading to Diesel taking the world title in November. Payton joins in celebrating despite doing jack. Diesel stalks Shawn up the ramp. Oh good grief Walter’s son is there too. Why not his old roommate while we’re at it?

Rating: B-. I’m sorry Chicago residents/Bears fans, but Payton was worthless in this. He’s an amazing running back and a great man, but there was no need to have him here. Put 1-2-3 Kid there or something, but not a football player with no connection to the match at all. Match itself was fine though as these two have that natural chemistry together. Fun match but Payton hurt things in my eyes.

We go to Macho who says nothing of note at all.

Vince recaps what we just saw, which shows Walter talking to the referee while Shawn is getting ready to kick Razor. Ok, that means one of two things. Razor slipping out was pre-planned or Walter is a freaking moron that will let his buddy get kicked. Yeah, great move there.

We go to the back with Diesel saying he’s mad at Shawn for costing him the belt and saying that Payton wasn’t even an issue. Shawn says it’s ok and he’ll get Diesel out of this.

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Oh I had forgotten about this. This was actually a really well done story in my eyes. Here’s the idea: Luger and Tatanka are feuding with DiBiase’s team. Luger is constantly being offered a spot on the team for a big amount of money but he always turns it down. Things of course start looking like he took the money but never completely. Tatanka and everyone else is convinced that Luger is guilty, so the two of them are having this match here in which Luger allegedly will show that he sold out.

This was drawn out and really well built up to the point that we were believing Lex was evil now, when I think the real answer is pretty obvious. DiBiase keeps doing all kinds of things to imply that Luger has sold out including helping him win a match and DiBiase going into Luger’s locker room. Luger continues saying that DiBiase can do all kinds of things but Luger has never done anything wrong, which is very true.

Luger gets a somewhat mixed reaction, being about 70-30 for the face pop. The cheers are louder, but the booing is there. DiBiase isn’t there either, which is a point of interest I guess. He hits the corner and the boos are MUCH louder now. Bell rings and they’re arguing over whether or not he sold out. The whole point of this is waiting on DiBiase to come out and help Lex and the match is just kind of meandering along which isn’t good at all as it makes the match boring. You need a good match to go with a good story to make something really successful and this isn’t doing it. It’s ok, but just ok.

Finally DiBiase comes out with a big bag full of money. As Luger is looking at him and the money, Tatanka rolls him up for the pin. Post match, Luger goes after DiBiase and Tatanka attacks him, turning heel and legitimately surprising a lot of the fans. The heels hug and the fans are LIVID.

Tatanka beats the tar out of Lex and leaves with Ted, but turns around to beat on Lex some more. He puts the Million Dollar Dream on him to put Luger to sleep and follows with the ultimate humiliation of putting the money in his mouth. Why that is humiliating I have no idea but it looks awesome.

Rating: C-. This is a great example of the angle being far better than the match. The match was pretty bad but the angle was excellent. This was a total swerve and while it’s clear it was going to happen now, it was really well done at the time. The match sucked but the angle makes up for it.

We’ve only got three matches left, so this one is yours. Why this took place is beyond me. At the end you get a sample of the brilliant comedy that the company had going for it at the time.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel

This is filler on the second biggest show of the year. This was a rather bad time if you didn’t get that. Well that’s not really fair as there was filler at almost any show back in the day. Vince says he’s a fan of good rap. Therefore he’s not a fan of Oscar and Mabel. Jarrett won’t shake his hand to start us off. Nice old school heel work there.

Mabel does Jarrett’s strut which isn’t bad. Basic story here as Jarrett can’t fight him at all due to the gravitational force of Mabel’s gut sucking the good out of this match. Jarrett shoves Oscar into the steps and then Mable eats post. Jarrett just tries to get Mabel down and of course nothing works until Jarrett gets pulled out of the air when attempting a top rope double axe.

Sleeper goes on and Mabel does his stupid falling kick thing. Knuckleball Schwartz (and mine is bigger than his) is on strike. Ok then. Jarrett, like an idiot, goes after Oscar for fun and gets crushed for his troubles. Middle rope splash misses Jeff. Mabel misses a sit down drop and Jeff actually gets the pin. I’m at a loss for words to describe how much of a waste of time this was.

Rating: D-. Just a totally pointless match here as they made no secret at all of there being no need for this match. Basic big vs. little guy here as nothing of note was going on here at all. Get on to something else please.

The detectives are in the arena and Taker’s silhouette is behind them. I really hate this show.

We get a long buildup package on Bret vs. Owen which was very well done, especially the masterful jobs from Survivor Series and Mania, which was the absolute classic that was Bret vs. Owen. Owen’s heel work in this was absolutely masterful. This was built up for nearly a year and is one of the best feuds that I can ever remember. I’m enjoying looking back at this as it really was well done and you could feel the tension here.

Owen pinning Bret clean at Mania was mind blowing at the time and still is to this day. Bret’s old partner Neidhart has joined up with Owen as well which makes thing even more amazing. The beauty in having Owen win was that it made you believe he could do it for the title here tonight. That’s a great bonus and it makes matches better and more believable. Bruce, their brother, went off on him, while wearing a leather jacket.

Did Stu make his fortune as a leather tanner or something? Owen did a promo in the cage about a week before which was great. I know this is long but the recap is about 10 minutes long. Stu and Helen are interviewed at ringside which I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. Helen sounds typical but Stu sounds very odd indeed. Not how I imagined it, but the man is an absolute legend and one of the few people who played a big role in shaping the business into what it is today.

I can’t think of anyone that’s trained more stars than he has. Davey says that he wouldn’t want to be in the ring with Bret tonight. Neidhart is there too and he’s an Owen supporter. This is really intricate and intense and is one heck of a story if I do say so myself. I’m hyped for this match and I’ve seen it probably 8 times.

Bret is apparently getting over strep throat. I’ve had that about 30 times and if you’ve never had it, consider yourself lucky. It’s misery. Bret says he doesn’t hate Owen but he does hate Neidhart because Jim made Owen jealous in the first place. He says this ends tonight.

WWF Title: Cage Match-Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Since I’ve explained the story pretty well, I’ll spare you another retelling of it. Owen’s heel music owned. Bret’s face music owned. Sweet goodness this match rocks in all areas. Never marked out for a Bret match before but I am on this one. In a nice touch, Owen’s name graphic doesn’t show up until he’s in the cage and Bret’s music is playing, almost like he’s a jobber. The bell rings and we’re off immediately.

For some reason we have no commentary at the beginning. Ah there it is. I’m watching this on my laptop and the audio is the kind where half is in one ear and the rest is in the other on my headphones. The referee is outside which is a good thing to me. That enziguri from Owen just never gets old. They’re starting out really slowly which is also good as they’re not going for broke immediately but rather telling a story out there.

Both go for the quick exit very early on which is a nice touch. Owen wants to beat Bret and Bret just wants to end this as the title is secondary to him. We get a really good camera shot from over the corner of the cage. That’s a unique shot that’s cool looking. Owen lands a dropkick and then a nip up before literally diving at the cage wall, desperate to get out. This is just hilarious looking but at the same time you can see how desperate Owen is to win here.

That’s yet another nice little touch. It’s the little things like that which can make a match great as they show that the workers are thinking and not just wrestling. They’ve been going about 10 minutes so far and it’s pretty even at this point. Pretty sure this is escape only which is what a cage match should be. Screw that pinning and submission nonsense.

Lawler keeps trying to play up Bulldog vs. Hart from 92 but Vince says that it means nothing, which is true as they were friendly afterwards, especially since Davey was gone for a long period of that. The good thing about this match is that it’s not about the cage but about the wrestlers and the cage is more of a prop. That’s always better. This is a ton of last second saves and close calls which keeps the fans on their toes.

They trade sharpshooters as I’m very close to the end of the match and I have nothing to make fun of here as it’s a great match. They chase each other up the cage but Owen’s leg gets tied up and Bret drops down to keep the title. Post match, Neidhart jumps the rail and beats on Bret for a bit before taking him back inside the cage and locking the door.

We then get the siege of the cage as all of the Harts try to get in before Smith goes up the cage and knocks Owen off. This takes like 4 minutes to finally accomplish which actually is kind of a cool looking sight. Finally Smith runs the heels off. They help Bret to his feet before we go to the back to talk to Owen.

Rating: A. This was a great cage match as there’s the natural chemistry and rivalry there, and if you give these two thirty plus minutes, are you expecting anything less than greatness?

Owen and Neidhart are in the back as Owen talks about how only Bret ever got cared about and how Jim was his best friend. It’s better than it sounds.

Recap of Taker vs. Taker. Short version, Taker disappeared after the Rumble to heal an injury and hadn’t been seen since. He returned but he was different, controlled by DiBiase. This was actually Brian Lee who was Chainz in the DOA in a few years. We get testimonials from regular people, making this seem like Elvis sightings. I refuse to believe that these people are wrestling fans.

Undertaker vs. Undertaker

DiBiase brings out the fake one and then Fink says that his opponent is the one and only Undertaker. We get a casket rolled out as well as this entrance is just taking too long. The casket is opened and inside is a huge urn. Bearer takes it into the ring and actually opens it, revealing….a really powerful flashlight. This goes on for several minutes as I’m pretty bored. This somehow triggers Taker to appear and walk down the ramp.

When I say walk, I mean move…..kind of. Fake Taker looks to weigh about 340. While this is kind of a cool moment, Bret and Owen should have closed the show. It’s not that bad though and it could have gone over far worse. Real Taker is in purple and fake is in gray. Real even throws out a leap frog that is amazing to see when you think about it.

The crowd is still popping but so much of their emotion was taken out of them by the previous match that it’s just hard for them to get hyped here, and I can’t blame them. This is a cool idea, but it just shouldn’t have gone last. This is pretty basic for the most part. Real leads for the early part, fake takes over and dominates the majority, standard Taker comeback with three tombstones to get the emphatic win for the real Deadman.

The count is slower than the walk that got him there though which is odd. Ted is ran off as Taker poses like crazy to end the show. Actually it doesn’t as we throw it to Macho to end the show. Actually it doesn’t as we go to the detectives in the back who open Taker’s casket to find nothing. Then one finds a briefcase which is closed. “The case is closed!” We go off the air like that. When I was a kid I never got that joke and it’s still awful today.

Rating: B. The match was fine, but it shouldn’t have gone last. At least we got a decent moment to end on with the real Taker standing tall, or in his case kneeling moderate. The comedy thing was just a waste as they never even interact with Taker, but that’s a good thing.

Overall Rating: C-. This really is just a one match show as the rest is just pretty silly. Luger and Tatanka’s angle is great, the cage match is excellent, and that’s about it. The comedy thing with the detectives was just flat out stupid on all levels and I certainly could have done without it.

They’re on screen all of 3 minutes and they have nothing but sight gags and dumb moments. I didn’t get the point back then and I don’t now. There’s nothing much to this show other than the cage, so I’d say find a copy of that and the buildup and other than that, go watch a better show as this isn’t that good.

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1993 (Original): Not So Fast

Summerslam 1993
Date: August 30, 1993
Location: Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, Michigan
Attendance: 23,954
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Vince McMahon

Well, it’s a different time for the WWF now, as there’s no Warrior, no Hogan and Savage is commentating. This presents a big problem: there’s no one to lead the company as the top face. After Hogan bailed and never put Bret over which is something that I know isn’t for sure as to whom to blame, but something still isn’t sitting right with me about it, Bret was the top face by default. However, the top heel was Yokozuna, who beat Bret already.

Due to his size and allegedly (nonsense) the fact that Bret couldn’t have a good match with him, Lex freaking Luger of all people is turned face to try to slay the giant. This all happens on the Fourth of July weekend on the USS Intrepid where there was a body slam contest. No one can manage to slam Zuna, and the contest allegedly ends.

OR DOES IT?

A helicopter lands on the boat and the fans chant for Hogan. Nope, not him. Macho Man? Already made an attempt. Ultimate Warrior? One last guess. …Andre the Giant? He’s already dead, so no one knows. It’s….Lex Luger? Yes, it’s Flexy Lexy, the guy that had been a pompous jerk of a heel since the day he got there. Apparently he’s now very proud to be an American and he wants to stand up for America and slam the AMERICAN Samoan.

Of course he does it to a huge pop and an instant mega face push. However, Yoko doesn’t want to give him a title match. So what’s a newly top face to do? Rent a bus and drive around the country of course! Yes, Luger comes up with the Lex Express and drives around the country meeting fans like he’s trying to win the 1872 Presidential election. It’s somehow dumber than it sounds as Luger even has a theme song called I’ll Be Your Hero.

This may in fact be the most obnoxious thing that has even been attempted by Vince McMahon. There’s pushing someone down our throats, and then there’s this. The one problem: Luger never won the belt. He never even pinned Yoko that I recall. He was supposed to get the epic win at Mania 10, but he got drunk at a bar the night before and blabbed the plans to everyone, so there was a last second change and Bret got the title to close Mania 10, leading to his real reign with the belt.

Luger was gone in about a year, running back to WCW where people got closer to caring about him. This is the first encounter with him and Yoko. Other than that, there’s really nothing going on at all. Bret and Lawler are finally starting their two year feud so that’s kind of the second big match on the card I guess. Let’s get to this.

Our opening is…a music video of Lex Luger and his trip around America. He wears stars and stripes shirts and sleeps with a folded up American flag in his arms. This actually could have been an epic victory for him, had he you know, WON THE FREAKING BELT! That’s what makes this look so bad in hindsight: he never won the title. Had he done that, it’s the payoff for all the over the top nature of this angle.

Ted DiBiase vs. Razor Ramon

The Million Dollar Man was done on PPV after this, injuring his neck early in 1994 and being forced to immediately retire. Razor here is mad over as he’s getting that big push that he’s most known for. Coming soon: the IC Title feud with Shawn that got Shawn his jump up the ladder and yes that was intentional. This is over DiBiase offering Razor a job as a servant and Razor having that pesky pride of his.

It’s cool because I reviewed the go home show of Raw a few weeks ago so I actually know some of the buildup for these matches, or at least what there is of it. Anyway, this is probably Razor’s biggest match to date. DiBiase is looking a bit chubby here. This match is really just kind of boring. DiBiase dominates for the majority of the match, which isn’t saying much as it runs about seven and a half minutes total.

It’s mainly just slow paced and standard DiBiase stuff which is fine as he’s always very solid, but the fans are just dead for this. Now near the end of the match, Ted takes the cover off of the buckle and gets slammed into it, leading to the Razor’s Edge. The crowd is losing it for this as I hardly ever remember seeing a crowd go from dead to insane that fast. Naturally this is the end of the match, and the end of DiBiase’s time in the ring.

While he was certainly far from his prime, he was hardly falling apart out there. His stuff was solid, but it might be good that he got out when he did, given the new direction the company was going in. I’m not saying he wouldn’t have had a place, but his style is slower and more thought out than what was wanted in the new era. It’s sad to see one of the greats have to go, especially when two days ago he was with his time as GM of Raw.

Rating: C-. It was a bit boring and that hurts it a lot. DiBiase was there to put Razor over and that’s exactly what he did, so points for that. Razor was on the rise and this was another match that put him over even more.

Todd Pettingill (the man that replaced Sean Mooney) is with the family of the Steiners, which is cool I think. He’s interrupted by Jim Cornette in the ring.

Tag Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Heavenly Bodies

Steiners are the home town boys so their pop is of course epic. Now the Heavenly Bodies are an interesting subject. They were the Dudleys of Cornette’s Smokey Mountain Wrestling, meaning that they were the undisputed biggest thing there, but unlike the Dudleys, that didn’t translate in the big companies. As for SMW, that place rocked. All kinds of guys were there and a lot of them got over because of their work there.

Guys like Lance Storm, Kane, Jericho and Foley mixed with some veterans, some local guys and Cornette calling the shots, and how can you go wrong? The problem was the business as a whole was in deep trouble at that point and Cornette, while being successful to an extent, only lasted about four years. However, in those four years he co-promoted with Vince, which was a pretty big deal at the time. SMW could have worked very well, if the timing and business as a whole had been better.

Even still, it did quite well all things considered. Big brawl starts as the heels take over early but the Steiners start taking over as Scott takes over and dominates which is always fun to watch. He was the prototype for what the modern day athlete was supposed to be but due to what has to be steroid abuse, he’s now a shell of his former self. Cornette has a neck brace on for no reason at all.

Eventually the heels take over on Scott and you can put the rest together from there. We go to the melee with Rick taking over to fight off the forces of evil as the fans are freaking out for the hometown boys. After Rick gets his with the tennis racket and Scott saves him the Frankensteiner ends it.

Rating: B-. This was fine. It’s nothing special and was just a token defense but is that really a bad thing for the hometown boys? I certainly don’t think so. It’s about 10 minutes and the faces were in a bit of trouble, so what more can you ask for out of this? Solid little match that did its job well.

We go to some guy named Joe Fowler who is a new interviewer that I don’t ever remember again. He’s with Shawn and Diesel and asks about how Shawn can’t hold onto the belt and that Diesel got it back for him from Perfect. Fowler actually wasn’t that bad at this and while he was a bit too perky, he wasn’t awful.

IC Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Shawn Michaels

This is the blowoff of the feud that had been built up……….4 months ago. The buildup for this match was nothing short of a masterpiece but by the time they got to the match the interest was pretty much long gone. I’ve never figured out why they waited but I’d assume an injury or something like that. Either way it was a bad idea for waiting so long as it could have been the hottest feud in the business at the time.

Anyway, this is your main midcard match of the show. Perfect, even probably past his prime, still just rocks on all levels. We get a plug for Radio WWF out of nowhere which was one of the oddest ideas I’ve ever heard of. Ross and Monsoon would call the show on the radio. Heenan apparently gets hit in the eye by something and isn’t happy about it. Very fast sequence to start and it of course ends in a botch as I have no idea who did what or what they were going for but it looked absolutely horrid.

Anyway, they go into a standard sequence as they jockey for position and Heenan talks about how Diesel will be the big factor here. This referee counts WAY too fast. If he had worked for WCW they would have won the wars. After they go to the floor, Shawn lands a stiff thrust kick to Perfect’s chin. That kick was so sweet that it was almost like music. Shawn continues his perfect streak of being too loud about calling spots which gets annoying after awhile but is part of the business.

I’m kind of skipping over a lot but a good match makes me do that. There’s little to complain about here which makes it hard to come up with jokes. Perfect hits a move that I always thought would be insanely hard to pull off: a running dropkick. That just looks hard to do and makes Perfect look even better. The ending to this is just flat out bad. Perfect gets the Perfectplex but Diesel pulls him outside and they start fighting in what could have been a very interesting feud.

Anyway, Shawn jumps at Perfect but he gets punched for his efforts. Shawn rolls in and lands on the referee, breaking up the count, but after Diesel rams Perfect’s shoulder/head area into the post, the referee continues his count and we get a count out. That was either a botch or running out of time, either way it didn’t work.

If you want to do the screwjob finish then let Diesel interfere and let Shawn get the pin but don’t just go with the count out. Post match Perfect gets the double beatdown and Shawn says he’s the greatest IC Champion.

Rating: B-. This was a very fun albeit short match. This really could have been something good with more time and a finish. That being said it was far from bad with one pretty bad botch that was at least in the beginning of the match. It just was too short and I hated the ending though.

Fowler is with the 1-2-3 Kid who says he’s nervous but ready. Again, Fowler is too perky but he seems solid enough.

IRS vs. 1-2-3 Kid

This is the other feud that comes from DiBiase vs. Razor. Kid was the indy darling at the time and when he got signed what would become the IWC exploded in excitement. What the heck happened to this guy? He became so completely worthless later in his career. Kid was Colin Delaney of his day, but unlike Colin, Kid actually had some skill and would win some matches. He was also far less annoying.

This is really short and not that interesting as even the commentators don’t want to talk about it as you can hear. The big deal about it is that the fans make fun of IRS’ name. Eventually he hits a clothesline of all things to get the pin. That’s really the best they can come up with? Heenan makes some dumb jokes to end this.

Rating: F. No one cared, it wasn’t interesting, and it sucked. What kind of grade did you expect here?

Todd is with Bret’s family, namely Owen, who is rocking one of the worst mullets ever, and Bruce. Stu had knee surgery and can’t be there tonight. They talk about the Hart/Lawler feud, which leads us to this.

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

This is for the title (more like name) of undisputed king of the ring. There’s no real title or anything which is good. Bret is one of 12. DAng Stu was tearing it up yo. Lawler is on crutches as he comes out. Todd asks him what’s going on. Apparently he’s injured. Gee you think? Never would have been able to figure that out without the crutches, the ice pack on the knee or the limp. The heel heat that he gets is so basic and so good that it’s uncanny.

Lawler blames his injury on his car as he talks forever. Apparently he’s not allowed to wrestle here tonight. Vince is ticked off over this. Imagine, a guy changing the match at the last second, especially one over a knee injury in a Bret Hart match. Yep, Vince has every right to be upset. Instead, he’s going to let his court jester fight Bret instead. This leads to…

Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown

This was random as all goodness. Doink had been just beating up jobbers and all of a sudden he’s fighting a former world champion at Summerslam? This made no sense and I’m still not sure why they picked him. He does his confetti/water trick, which leads to one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen at a wrestling show. He throws water on Bruce Hart, so Owen easily opens the railing up and walks through to ringside.

That’s a GREAT lesson to teach people: how to get past the guardrail. Anyway of course Bret is ticked off and beating on Doink early. The clown was such a great gimmick that it’s unreal. Think of the Joker from Batman and make him a wrestler. There’s Doink. This incarnation of him was someone that was a great wrestler that hid behind clown makeup because he was so mentally disturbed. How great of an idea is that?

He dominates most of the match which is Bret at his best: getting beaten up. Doink even puts an STFU on Bret as the young John Cena eats a sausage. He puts the Stump Puller on Bret and grabs the top rope for “additional leverage”. I get home sometimes that would help, but how in this case would that help?

Maybe I’m just missing something but I don’t see it at all. Here’s Bret’s comeback and you can connect the dots yourself here. Sharpshooter goes on, but GASP, Lawler comes in and hits Bret with the crutch! WHO THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN? Vince’s commentary here is hilarious as he’s panicking over this, thinking that such a thing could never happen.

Rating: B. This was actually pretty good. The in ring work with both guys was solid as Doink really was good in the ring, or at least until he turned face just after this match. Bret of course was great and Lawler made himself look evil here, continuing the feud that wouldn’t end until Summerslam 1995.

The heels head to the back but WAIT! JACK MOTHER TUNNEY is here to stop them! That leads us to this.

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

This is going to be quick. What are you expecting here? It’s maybe 5 minutes long and it’s Bret beating the tar out of him, a short heel dominance and a Sharpshooter for the tap out. The main thing here though is that Bret leaves the hold on for OVER THREE MINUTES as apparently he wants Lawler’s grandkids to have knee problems. A small army of suits and referees get rid of him but naturally the decision is reversed to give it to Lawler. Owen’s cowboy boots are making me crack up with laughter.

Rating: B+. It was Bret beating up his enemy which is always fun to see. That’s just not something you can’t beat as Lawler is such a great cowardly heel that working with Bret was perfect. The post match thing made you believe Lawler’s career was over, but this feud would go on for two years, on and off.

We see a promo from Borga, talking about how Luger is stupid for wanting to save America when it has slums like the one he’s in. This was I guess on location in inner Detroit.

Bret and co. says it’s not over with Lawler.

Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty

Oh dear this is going to be bad isn’t it? Borga is just a beast that was only there about 8 months before being let go for no apparent reason. It was rumored that he would take the title from Taker (not sure where he would have gotten it, maybe at the Rumble?) and then lose it to Luger at Mania 10. I’ve never heard any concrete plans on that but I’ve heard rumors similar to that too many times to not think there’s at least some credibility to them.

Marty of course has his head handed to him here as the Finn is a boxer and just punches Marty’s ribs into oblivion. This is a pure squash here and Marty lands a couple of super kicks that meant nothing at all. Borga’s finisher was the torture rack, which I would have nearly died of laughter from if he’d beaten Luger with.

Rating: D+. It’s a squash and a long, drawn out one. Marty was ok in the ring I guess, but this was better suited for a Raw or something I think. Ludvig would dominate jobbers for a few months before being placed in a real feud, but the ankle injury was too much for him and for some reason he got let go. It was one injury. I’ve never gotten why he never came back.

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

This is a Rest In Peace match which means street fight. This is the blow off match that no one really wanted to see. The Giant had run in at the Rumble to beat up Taker on behalf of Harvey Whipleman, who I still need clarification on whether or not he’s a human being. They had the worst Taker Mania match ever (not Taker’s fault) and they waited 4 months to have the rematch….for no apparent reason.

No transition at all as Borga’s music is still playing as Fink is announcing. Was there really a point to the caveman look? I never got that. Oh, for the 100th time someone has stolen the urn. The pop for Taker is epic of course. I’m starting to get the reason why Taker got so big so fast, among the obvious reasons: Bobby Heenan. The things Heenan would say about Taker made him just awesome sounding.

As soon as the gong strikes, Bobby says: “See ya!” That’s such a tiny thing but it works so well. He’d always do that and it would always work. No Paul Bearer for no apparent reason. We’ve clearly seen that Gonzalez is taller and that Taker is walking normally, yet Vince says Taker is towering above all and gliding to the ring. Vince, pay attention please. Heenan: I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him in his pocket. Norcal will love that line.

Apparently Bearer being gone has been the case for awhile now. This is a lot better than at Mania, mainly because Gonzalez has figured out a bit more of his own style and isn’t as horrible as he was before. Also the lack of rules suit them both better in a match like this. Taker looks tiny which is saying a lot. It’s mainly back and forth with Taker continuously reaching for the urn “like it’s a tag partner.” Eventually Bearer returns with a black wreath.

Whippleman and Bearer “fight”, resulting in Bearer getting the urn back. Heenan says NO NO NO, Bearer says OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS! Taker sits up of course and it’s on. Taker hits about 5 clotheslines before hitting one from the top to get the pin. Gonzalez I guess turns face after the match by beating up Harvey. That went nowhere.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than what they did back in April. The rule changes saved this along with the shorter match. It just flowed much better and looked more like something these two would do, as it was a brawl and not a match. Not great, but compared to what they had done before, this was Savage vs. Steamboat.

Fowler is with Yoko, Fuji and Cornette. Cornette says his typical great heel stuff here and puts over Yoko.

Smoking Guns/Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Headshrinkers

Yeah to put it mildly this is filler. The Guns were pretty new at this point. It’s great to see the cowboys and Indian getting along so well here. Ross and Monsoon are on radio here. Ah it’s for the Armed Forces Network. I can live with that. SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! Samu and Tatanka start us off. Heenan makes fun of the Cleveland Indians and Dallas Cowboys, which makes me be irritated.

Both Tatanka and Bigelow go for cross bodies at the same time which is a weird looking visual but it worked rather well.  Billy punches Rikishi and gets kicked in the face as a result. Why couldn’t he have been kicked out of the company instead? Vince insists they are REAL cowboys. Oh dear. Samu kicks him into the corner to get a tag to Bart.

Crowd is DEAD of course. Bigelow hits a dropkick to take him down for two. Not quick Jim Nedihart’s but close enough. This is just boring beyond belief. It’s like a long Superstars match rather than a long TV match which is REALLY bad for 93 standards. Bigelow rams Bart’s head into Fatu’s which is rather funny.

Bart dodges and Bigelow hits the post so that Tatanka can come in and hopefully end this nonsense. Slam to Bigelow which is kind of impressive. Top rope cross body gets two. Tatanka starts up his racial stereotypes and Bigelow just hits him to stop such idiocy. A triple headbutt hits but a triple splash misses so Tatanka can roll up Fatu for the pin.

Rating: F+. That triple splash was cool looking but this was AWFUL. Like I said, total Superstars match here and nothing more. Horribly boring match and no one cared at all.

We interview Luger’s bus driver. Let me repeat that. We interview Luger’s bus driver. He has a monitor and is watching Summerslam from inside the bus. That….might be the funniest thing I’ve seen since Summerslam began. Yeah, it is. He’s driven Lex around the country for 2 months and he can’t get a bleacher seat to the show? He talks about how great Luger is in what might not have been scripted. He’s talking like this is a real thing, so either he’s not scripted or he needs a job in WWF.

Fowler does something that I like here: he says he’s going to ask a stupid question. Can I get a Hallelujah chorus? We have an interviewer that knows he asks stupid questions. WHY DID THIS GUY LEAVE???

Todd interviews some of the fans.

To further shove the red white and blue down our throats, there are American flags sitting on top of the commentators.

In something else that makes me laugh. Fink asks for the fans to please rise. He gets booed. He then asks if the people will show some respect. When did Fink become a heel manager? The Japanese national anthem is sung. We have a master of ceremonies for the main event, and for no reason at all, it’s Randy Savage. He brings out some guy to sing the National Anthem. Savage looks like the Incredible Hulk meets the Uncle Sam poster.

WWF Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

And here we go. Yoko’s entrance takes FOREVER. Luger of course gets the pop of pops as he enters to Stars and Stripes Forever. This is easily one of Yoko’s best matches ever. Luger wasn’t much, but he could fight big guys with the best of them. His power game worked perfectly against Yoko, and when it’s USA vs. the evil foreigner, it’s hard to mess it up. WWF managed to screw up the ending, but not the match.

I can sum up this whole match with ease: Bobby Heenan praises Lex Luger. Heenan, perhaps the greatest heel manager of all time, is praising a face. Luger kicks out of everything but never quite hulks up. The crowd is red hot the whole match, which runs nearly 18 minutes for easily one of Yoko’s longest. He’s moving really well here as he hadn’t ballooned to his massive girth yet. The idea is that Yoko simply can’t put him away no matter how close he gets but he can’t hit the Drop either.

They beat on each other with Luger making comeback after comeback but never being able to slam Yoko. After Heenan is losing his voice, Luger makes his final comeback and “slams” Yoko. Heenan screams that it was a hip block, which is actually more impressive as you’re slamming someone using one arm instead of two, but who am I to poke at the Brain? Now, we get to the ending, which for the life of me might be the stupidiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Luger hits the steel forearm and knocks Yoko out of the ring and out cold, drawing the count out. Why? What in the world was the point of not giving Luger the belt here? The tag line of the show was “Someone has to stop him” with a picture of Yoko Banzai Dropping the American flag. Dude, this was a layup and they blew it. Seriously, why would you not give Luger the belt in this case?

He was wildly over, he had a whole storyline that lasted all summer, and the buildup was perfect for that Hogan/Andre moment. However, they waited 8 months to give Luger another shot and in between Luger feuded with Yoko and Fuji’s team still. Why not give him the belt here? For the life of me I do not understand this booking.

Luger may not be a great worker but the fans were WAY into him and the storyline would have been perfect. Anyway, of course we have balloons and confetti falling as Luger and Savage celebrate winning nothing to go off the air.

Rating: B-. This is a fine example of a match that needs two ratings, one for the match and one for the ending. The match was actually pretty good but the ending makes no sense at all. I’ve ranted on it already so I’ll spare you another one here. Yoko looked excellent here and far better than usual.

Luger was feeling it out there as this was one of his better matches, despite using his old stuff. In this case it worked and the crowd was hyped. Very good match that if it had a legitimate finish could have saved the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show just sucks. Nothing of note happens, the matches are just head scratchers, and the ending is AWFUL. The show just has nothing huge happening at all as Bret’s matches were a combination of solid but random and short but intense. Taker was a feud that I though ended half a year ago. Shawn’s match was good but forgettable, and I’ve ranted on the main event already. Just a bad show overall which is reflective of the company as a whole at this point. Avoid this.

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1992 (2013 Redo): Do This Again

Summerslam 1992
Date: August 31, 1992
Location: Wembley Stadium, London, England
Attendance: 80,355
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This is probably the most famous of all the Summerslams even to this day as we’re not only outside but for the first and only time ever, a regular PPV is being held in England. It’s another double main event tonight with Savage vs. Warrior for Savage’s world title, along with Davey Boy Smith challenging Bret for the Intercontinental Title. This show was originally going to be held in Washington D.C. with Shawn winning the title from Bret in the first ladder match but the change was made very close to the date of the show. Let’s get to it.

Also note that this is on a two day tape delay, which you would NEVER see for a PPV today.

For reasons I’m not quite clear on, nearly every version of this show you can find online has the dark matches included, so you’re getting some bonus stuff tonight.

We open with kids arguing over whether Warrior or Savage sold out to Perfect and Flair. Another kid says British Bulldog is going to win whether he likes it or not.

Heenan puts on a crown and declares himself Sir Bobby, King of England.

Dark Match: Nasty Boys/Moutnie vs. Jim Duggan/Bushwhackers

The aisle to the ring is REALLY long so the entrances take extra time this year. Duggan is so beloved that he can get a USA chant going in London. Both teams take turns playing to the crowd before we get going. It’s a big brawl to start with the heels being rammed together in the middle of the ring before rolling to the outside. We finally start with Knobbs vs. Luke but everything breaks down almost immediately with the heels running away.

Things finally settle down with Sags clotheslining Butch down….and everything breaks down a third time in less than five minutes. Duggan sends the Bushwhackers into the corner with the battering ram to all three heels at once to fire up the crowd even more. The Nasties and Mountie are whipped into clotheslines from Duggan but a Jimmy Hart distraction finally lets the heels jump Luke from behind to take over.

The fans chant USA as Mountie hits a jumping back elbow to take down the New Zealander Luke. The Nasties choke away in the corner as Vince is freaking out over the rules being broken this badly. Sags and Mountie both hook reverse chinlocks as the classic six man tag formula is in full effect. Knobbs comes in for a hard whip into the corner but a middle rope splash hits boot. The hot tag brings in Duggan to clean house with clothesline after clothesline. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Battering Ram, the three point clothesline and a missed top rope elbow from Sags to Mountie for the pin by Duggan.

Rating: C+. This was an extended but nicely done tag match. The fans were WAY into Duggan and the pop for the win was a nice response for a dark match. I was surprised by how well this match worked. Most dark matches just drag along and are nothing but rest holds and punching/kicking but this went nearly thirteen minutes and never got dull.

Dark Match: Tito Santana vs. Papa Shango

Shango used to scare me to death. Tito is El Matador so he has the awesome gold jacket. Papa jumps him from behind to take over and hits a splash in the corner to have the bullfighter in trouble. Tito comes back with some clotheslines and a dropkick to send Shango out to the floor. They head back inside where Tito gets two each off a middle rope clothesline and a cross body before hooking a sleeper.

Shango sends him into the buckle to escape as Heenan makes bull jokes about Tito. The voodoo guy keeps up the generic power offense by headbutting Santana down and walking around the ring. Santana avoids a middle rope elbow and makes his comeback but the flying forearm only gets two. Shango pops up and hits a shoulder breaker for the pin.

Rating: D. Shango was all character and no substance in the ring. This is a good example of what most dark matches are like: short, dull and nothing that I’ll remember in about five minutes. Santana was good in this kind of role as he makes everyone look good, although there was only so much he could do with a guy like Shango. Who knew the answer was to make the voodoo guy a pimp?

Dark Match: Tatanka vs. Berzerker

This is the final dark match and is held right before the main event but I’m putting it here for the sake of simplicity. Berzerker wants a test of strength to start and easily takes the smaller Tatanka down. The Native American comes back by easily shoving Berzerker to the floor before they slug it out back inside. They collide after a crisscross but Berzerker misses a dropkick, allowing Tatanka to fire away on the leg.

A World’s Strongest Slam gets two on Tatanka before a regular slam puts him down outside the ring. Back in and Heenan makes Indian jokes as Berzerker kicks Tatanka in the ribs. A backdrop puts Berzerker on the floor before Tatanka starts his war dance back inside. The Papoose to Go is enough for the pin on the viking.

Rating: D. To give you an idea what this match was, think of nothing. Now take away any possible interest that nothing has and you’ll have this match. It was very dull and uninteresting and the fans clearly wanted to see the main event instead of more worthless wrestling. Tatanka would become a pretty big deal against Yokozuna in about a year.

Money Inc. vs. Legion of Doom

This is on the main card with no real fanfare at all. The LOD comes to the ring on motorcycles along with manager Paul Ellering and……dang it…….Rocco the Dummy. There’s nothing more to it than that: it’s a ventriloquist dummy named Rocco who was the team’s “inspiration.” DiBiase is in his white trunks which I couldn’t stand when I first did this show but for some reason they work for me now. Vince gets in one of my favorite lines ever: “The Legion of Doom is well known for their psychology in the ring.” I’ll pause for a minute to let that one sink in.

Hawk starts with DiBiase and it’s Ted sliding to the floor to avoid a right hand. Animal jumps DiBiase on the floor and sends him back inside, only for Hawk to clothesline him right back to the floor. The fans are WAY into the LOD here. Off to Animal vs. IRS with Animal whipping him into the corner and standing on the tie like a smart man would. A gorilla press gets two for Animal before it’s back to Hawk for some arm work.

Irwin comes back with a sleeper but it’s only good for two arm drops before Hawk rams him into the buckle. The top rope clothesline misses IRS though and Hawk falls out to the floor. IRS drops some elbows as for two the fans won’t stop chanting for LOD. Back to DiBiase for some knee drops followed by a chinlock. Jimmy Hart, one of the greatest managers of all time, is yelling at Rocco the dummy. Money Inc. changes off without tagging to send Vince into his usual hysteria.

Hawk finally fights up and rams Ted into the buckle but the hot tag is broken up. The place is going to go nuts when Animal gets in. Ted drops some knees on Hawk and puts on a front facelock but the bird man carries him over towards Animal. IRS breaks up ANOTHER hot tag attempt but gets caught in a double clothesline with Hawk. Animal FINALLY gets the hot tag and cleans house but IRS breaks up the Doomsday Device. Not that it matters much as Animal powerslams DiBiase down for the pin about three seconds later.

Rating: C-. The crowd was HOT for this but it wasn’t much of note. This was part of the three way tag team feud with the Natural Disasters over the fall which ultimately saw Money Inc. coming out with the titles. This was the last appearance for this incarnation of the LOD for years in the WWF because of Rocco. Seriously, Hawk snapped over the idea and didn’t go back to America (to be fair though everyone knew the snap was coming sooner or later).

Ric Flair, in ring gear despite not being in action tonight, is happy to be in London. Gene asks him whose dressing room Mr. Perfect is in. “He’s in the dressing room of the winner of course. WOO!” Touche.

Virgil is ready for Nailz tonight.

Virgil vs. Nailz

There isn’t much to Nailz. He was an escaped convict who wanted revenge on Big Boss Man for abusing him in prison and that’s about it. He attacked Boss Man with the nightstick and Virgil is standing up for his injured friend. Nailz immediately chokes Virgil into the corner but Virgil comes back with some jobber offense. A rollup gets no count on Nailz and it’s back to choking from the convict. We head to the floor and Virgil is rammed into the apron, sending him into a bad acting session. Back in and Nailz hooks a standing chinlock/choke for the win.

Rating: F. There isn’t much to say here. Neither guy was interesting and the match was little more than a way to set up the blowoff match against Boss Man. The problem with that is no one cared about Virgil so all we had was a Nailz squash. Nailz just wasn’t any good and after the Boss Man feud he didn’t have much, other than a horrible sounding feud with Undertaker. Then he went nuts and choked Vince in his office and said he wanted McMahon dead during the steroids trial, basically saving Vince from prison. That’s Nailz’s entire WWF career for all intents and purposes.

Nailz lays Virgil out with the nightstick post match.

Alfred Hayes can’t find Mr. Perfect, nor can he get into Macho Man’s dressing room.

We recap Shawn vs. Rick Martel. Shawn cost Martel an IC Title shot, so Martel started hitting on Shawn’s manager Sherri. Sherri then started coming out to support Martel, setting up the showdown tonight. However since Sherri thought both guys were handsome, she made the rule that there was to be no hitting in the face.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel

This is the rare heel vs. heel match. Rick is dressed for tennis for some reason I don’t quite grasp. The back of Sherri’s dress is missing, sending Vince into a frenzy over the sight of a thong. Martel grabs a headlock to start and avoids a right hand before doing some jumping jacks. Shawn slides between Martel’s legs and takes over with a dropkick. Apparently dropkicks to the face are legal.

Martel misses a cross body and Shawn cranks on the arm to take over. They trade nip ups but neither guy can bring themselves to throw a punch. Instead Martel, playing the face in the match, sends Shawn over the top to Sherri’s feet. Rick heads to the floor and hugs Sherri who seems very pleased with both men. Back in and they trade rollups with handful of tights each, resulting in Shawn’s tights barely staying on.

Sweet Chin Music to the chest gets two for Shawn and a knee to Martel’s face gets two. Martel rolls him up as well and now they’re ready to fight. They trade slaps to draw Sherri up to the apron…..and she faints. The guys get in a fight over who gets to give her CPR with the fisticuffs breaking out, resulting in a double countout. Sherri pokes her head up to reveal she’s playing possum.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do much for me but it was more of an angle than a match. Sherri would be gone soon after this which kept the story from going anywhere but the match here wasn’t terrible. Shawn would be launching through the roof soon after this by dominating the midcard for the next few years while Martel wouldn’t do much else in the company.

They fight up the aisle until suits break them up. Shawn carries Sherri out but Martel knocks him down, dropping Sherri to the floor in the process. Martel picks her up and carries her a few feet but Shawn decks Martel, knocking Sherri to the floor yet again. Martel finally runs out with a bucket of water to wake Sherri up.

The Nasty Boys talk about the world title match for some reason. They ask Jimmy about a title shot but Jimmy Hart, also the manager of Money Inc. is notably anxious, which is hinting at his face turn.

Tag Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers

The Brothers are managed by the Genius and are challenging here. Genius messes up his poem by getting some dates wrong but the fans are already cheering for the fat champions anyway. The challengers try to jump the big guys early on but the champions take their heads off with clotheslines. Both Brothers (Beau and Blake) are crushed in a fat man sandwich, leaving us with Typhoon to start against Blake.

Typhoon pounds away on the smaller man but Blake manages to lift him up for a slam. He can’t turn it over but it was a nice try at least. Everything breaks down for a few seconds until we’re back to more Disaster dominance. Quake accidentally splashes Typhoon in the corner and the ocean themed guy is down. The Brothers double team Typhoon with a splash but he launches Beau to the floor on the kickout.

Hang on a second: Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium!

Back to the match with Blake hitting a middle rope headbutt for a delayed two. Beau holds Typhoon on the ropes so Blake can jump on his back in a move later used by Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. The Brothers take turns pounding on Typhoon and draw Earthquake in, allowing them to double team Typhoon even more. A headbutt gets two for Blake and it’s off to a front facelock.

Typhoon finally makes a tag but the referee doesn’t see it, likely due to being bored by the match so far. Beau drops an ax handle onto Typhoon’s back but the big man FINALLY clotheslines both Beverlies down but stops to slam Beau instead of tagging out. Blake dropkicks his brother into a cross body on Typhoon for two and Quake has had enough. His save attempt is broken up by Genius’ metal scroll to Typhoon’s back as this match just keeps going. Quake breaks up he cover and gets the hot tag to clean house. A powerslam and the Earthquake are enough to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This just wouldn’t stop as the Brothers got WAY too much offense in here. The problem is the same as it was last year: there was no doubt as to who was walking out with the belts and that makes for a rather boring match. Also, the Beverlies are pretty average size guys so there’s only so much they can do against people like the Disasters.

The Bushwhackers speculate on whose corner Perfect will be in. Gene Okerlund makes some very bad British jokes.

Hayes can’t get into the Warrior’s dressing room either. He tries to barge in and calls Warrior rude for locking the door. Even HEENAN points this out to him.

Repo Man vs. Crush

Repo tries to jump Crush but has no effect and earns himself a gorilla press slam. We head to the floor for a clothesline from Crush before heading back inside for some kicks to Repo’s ribs. Crush pounds on the ribs even more and hits a backbreaker, only to be poked in the eye to break the momentum. Repo hits a belly to back suplex but Crush no sells it and snaps off a belly to belly. A top rope knee drop misses and Repo goes after the knee with some very basic stuff. An elbow drop gets two and Crush easily fights up, catches Repo coming off the top in a powerslam and hooks the Head Vice for the submission.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash to make Crush look good. They were this close to making Crush the next big thing in 1993 so seeing him look good here isn’t surprising at all. Repo Man is really impressive as he went from Smash to the new gimmick so smoothly that I didn’t realize it was the same guy until years later.

We recap the world title match which is summed up in one question: who sold out? This was THE story of the summer as everyone was wondering if Savage would sell out to be able to beat the man that ended his career a year earlier or if Warrior sold out to guarantee his second WWF Title. Why both guys would want a manager who wasn’t even managing the world champion is anyone’s guess. Savage’s line of “I’m the WWF Champion and you’re not!” is great stuff.

WWF World Title: Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

There’s no sign of Perfect or Flair with Warrior. Warrior is also in a singlet here instead of in his usual trunks. There’s no one with Savage either though, meaning we have to wait even longer to find out who sold out. Savage offers a handshake to start but Warrior accuses him of selling out and won’t shake. Scratch that as he does shake but they pull each other together and it’s on.

It’s a feeling out process to start with Savage shoving him away and hitting a knee to the ribs. A clothesline to the back of Warrior’s head puts him down as the fans are booing. Savage goes up top but Warrior punches him in the ribs to break up a double ax handle. A pair of atomic drops puts Randy down and some shoulder blocks do the same. Savage pounds away and hooks a chinlock, only for Warrior to break it up with a jawbreaker.

A bit right hand staggers the champion in the corner and Warrior stomps away for good measure. Warrior hits a clothesline but Savage ducks away, sending Warrior chest first into the buckle. The champion clotheslines him out to the floor for a bit before hitting the top rope ax handle back inside. It has no effect at all though as Warrior starts marching around the ring. Savage elbows him in the face to put him back down though and goes up again, only to dive into a backbreaker for two.

Warrior whips the champion hard into a corner a few times before putting on a bearhug. Instead of hanging onto it though he lets Savage go almost immediately and gets a two count. Another backbreaker gets two but Savage comes back with a small package for two of his own. A neckbreaker puts the challenger down but a delayed cover only gets two for Randy. Warrior comes back with a hard clothesline and starts pounding away on Savage’s weak back.

A suplex puts Savage down for a close two as the fans are getting into these near falls. Warrior charges at Savage but falls out to the floor by mistake. Randy goes up and drops yet another double ax onto Warrior’s back before sending him into the steps for good measure. Back in and a sunset flip gets two for Savage but Warrior slams him down. Here are Flair and Perfect to ringside as Warrior’s splash hits knees.

Savage and Warrior clothesline each other down which gets two each for both guys. Randy is up first but Perfect trips him down, signaling that Warrior is the sellout. Back up and Warrior punches him down before choking Savage into the corner. Warrior throws Savage into the corner again but the referee is bumped in the process. A slam puts Savage down and Warrior goes up top for a right hand to the head, although there’s no referee.

The referee finally comes over to count the two and Warrior is visibly frustrated. Back up and Savage hits a knee to send Warrior into the referee again before hitting a piledriver on the Ultimate one. There’s no referee again though so Savage goes to check on him. As Randy is out on the floor, Flair and Perfect take out Warrior behind Savage’s back. Randy drops the big elbow but the referee isn’t there in time for a count. Flair and Perfect are huddling on the floor.

Warrior starts his comeback with Savage pounding away on his back but to no effect. He runs over Savage with clotheslines and the flying shoulder block before loading up the gorilla press. Savage is in big trouble but as Warrior sets up the splash, Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Note that Savage didn’t see what Flair did.

Savage doesn’t know what to do now but he realizes Flair and Perfect did something. The champion goes up top but he isn’t sure. Instead of dropping the elbow though he dives at Flair, but gets knocked out of the air by a chair shot, injuring Savage’s knee in the process. Savage is counted out but retains the title.

Rating: B+. This was another really good match between the two and a great rematch from their first classic a year and a half earlier at Wrestlemania 7. The idea of having someone turn was a great incentive to watch the show, and having neither guy do the turn was the right move. The ending of the match is important soon after this.

Post match Flair puts Savage in the Figure Four with Perfect adding in more shots to the leg. Warrior finally saves Savage with a chair and helps him to his feet.

The official attendance is announced.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala was Undertaker’s Monster of the Month at this point and is managed by Harvey Whippelman. Undertaker rides to the ring on the back of a hearse to kill even more time. Taker fires off uppercuts to start and chokes away in the corner before avoiding a charging Ugandan. Harvey breaks up Old School but Kamala can’t hurt Taker at all. He clotheslines the dead man to the floor but Taker no sells everything Kamala throws at him. Back inside and Taker easily chokeslams him down and hits the Tombstone but Kamala’s other manager Kim Chee comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as it was setting up the coffin match at Survivor Series. This was during the bad period for Undertaker as he fought a bunch of monsters with no particular rhyme or reason. Kamala was nothing special and spent most of his career trying to be intimidating but getting destroyed every time.

Post match Kim Chee helps Kamala lay Undertaker out and the big man hits a top rope splash to Undertaker, but the Dead Man pops up a few seconds later.

Tatanka vs. Berzerker happened here.

British Bulldog talks about fighting hard for two years to reach this point. Yes Bret is the Champion and his brother in law but when they get in the ring together, Bret is a stranger to him. He hopes the families reunite after the match but he’ll be the champion.

Bret says that Davey might not know him but he can look Bret in the eye and see the man that got Smith his start in the company. This is a total heel promo from Bret, which is the right move given where they are tonight. Tonight, Smith’s dream becomes a nightmare.

Here are some Highlanders playing the bagpipes. Their featured performer: Roddy Piper of course.

Diana Hart-Smith, Bret’s sister and Davey’s wife, will be neutral tonight. She just wants them to get along after the match.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith

Bulldog has British Commonwealth boxing champion Lennox Lewis leading him to the ring and carrying the Union Jack. The place comes unglued for Davey but Bret isn’t booed at all, as his style is perfect for a crowd like this. Bulldog shoves him into the corner to start before hitting a hard shoulder to send the champion to the floor. Back in and they head to the mat with Bret grabbing a headlock to take over. Bret gets a few near falls off some rollups and it’s right back to the headlock.

Back up again and Davey grabs a hammerlock but Bret hits a HARD elbow to the face to escape, drawing the ire of the fans. Davey takes him down with basic technique and cranks on the armbar. The hold stays on for a good while with the fans getting louder and louder the longer Smith has control. Bret finally sends him into the ropes to escape and drives a knee into Smith’s ribs. The fans boo Hart out of the stadium for a basic move like a knee and boo even louder for a chinlock.

An atomic drop (called a reverse piledriver by Vince) puts Smith down and Bret blocks a crucifix (which worked earlier) in a Samoan Drop for two. Another chinlock is quickly broken but Davey charges into a boot in the corner to put him down again. A bulldog puts Bulldog down but he slams Bret off the top a second later. Davey misses a top rope splash and is sent to the outside, drawing a ton of heat for Bret.

The champion tries a dive to the floor but lands on Davey’s back, nearly breaking several bones in the process. Bret sends him into the post before heading back inside pounding away with European uppercuts. Hart hooks a chinlock for a good while before loading up the Five Moves of Doom. He pulls Bulldog up by the hair to show how evil he is and it’s off to a sleeper. This stays on for a LONG time as well but Smith rams him into the corner to escape again.

They slug it out but Davey drops him out of a gorilla press into the ropes. Three straight clotheslines get two for Smith and a gorilla press gets the same. The delayed vertical and the chest first bump into the buckle get the same. Bulldog hits his powerslam finisher but Bret gets out at two, with far less of a reaction from the crowd than you would expect. Bret rolls through a suplex for two of his own, only to get superplexed down for a near fall.

Back up again and a double clothesline puts both guys down, giving the fans a needed breather. While laying on his back Bret hooks the Sharpshooter ala last year against Mr. Perfect, terrifying the fans. Smith gets the rope so Bret tries a suplex, but Davey drops to his knees and hooks both legs for the pin and the title. The place ERUPTS on the three count.

Rating: A+. This took awhile to get going but once those near falls started it turns into an instant classic. Davey had to win here and it was a perfectly clean pin in the middle of the ring. Bret, ever the critic, doesn’t like this match and basically blames the whole thing on Smith for being spent five minutes in. Those of us in the real world see it for what it is: a masterpiece.

Bret, Davey and Diana embrace to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a show where the matches don’t add up to the whole rating. The thing to remember is this show is less than three hours (not counting dark matches which I don’t count towards the show’s rating) and nearly an hour of that is spent on two great matches. The rest of the bad stuff is pretty short and the two main events more than make up for it. This is easily the best Summerslam so far and one of the best ever. Check this out if you’ve somehow never seen it.

Ratings Comparison

Jim Duggan/Bushwhackers vs. Mountie/Nasty Boys

Original: B

Redo: C+

Papa Shango vs. Tito Santana

Original: D+

Redo: D

Tatanka vs. Berzerker

Original: C

Redo: D

Legion of Doom vs. Money Inc.

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Nailz vs. Virgil

Original: C

Redo: F

Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel

Original: B

Redo: D+

Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

Original: D+

Redo: D

Repo Man vs. Crush

Original: C+

Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A

Redo: B+

Kamala vs. Undertaker

Original: C

Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: B+

I was WAY too nice to this show the first time. It’s great but it’s not THAT great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/26/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1992-a-tape-delayed-ppv-yes-really/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1991 (Original): The One Match Special

Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Obviously it’s a year later and there’s few differences. The main one is that Hogan is once again the world champion (stunning isn’t it?) and the Deadman has arrived. Other than that, there are very few differences. Hart is a singles wrestler now, so that’s the last major difference that I was forgetting. This card is really forgotten over time if you look at it from an historical standpoint.

The main event is Hogan and Warrior against Slaughter and his two cronies in a handicap match, meaning that Sheik Adnan al-Kaissie and the Iron Sheik are supposed to be equal to Hogan or Warrior? Remember Adnan? Neither do I. He was a manager in the AWA and that’s about it. The other big deal is tonight is the marriage of Savage and Elizabeth, because marriage, the most holy of unions, has to be on PPV right???

Other than that, this card is really forgettable. The main interesting point in this is what the Warrior did. He allegedly threatened to no show the PPV unless Vince paid him some obscene amount. He pulled this a few days before the PPV, and Vince really had no choice but to do what Warrior said.

This is where the “I couldn’t wait to fire him” line came from. Warrior got to the back after the match and was fired immediately. Other than that, there’s next to nothing of interest here, but I’ve seen worse cards be watchable, so maybe this one will be as well. Let’s find out.

Very standard opening with the song playing and the announcers talking about the big stuff that evening. Standard, but fine I guess.

Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado/British Bulldog vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just called the Dragon here, and this is the famous scene where he’s dressed as a human lizard that breathes fire into the air. That’s a shame that he’s fallen this far this fast. He’d be back in WCW in just a few months where he was at least given some decent feuds and no stupid costume. Commentators completely ignore the match to talk about the matches later on in the show. Wait, they mentioned the six man.

You know I think these six…no it was just a quick thing about it. I feel like I’m watching a Nitro taping. Tornado comes in and all of a sudden they can’t stop talking about the match. I think that’s a bit of a shot at Steamboat by Vince. Literally, he was in there two and a half minutes and got one line about him. He leaves and the commentary is all about the match. We’re about 5 minutes into this and I’m still looking for a point to it.

I think it’s supposed to be Warlord vs. Bulldog, but I’m not sure really. It’s just a random group of faces vs. three heels with the same manager. I’m so utterly bored by this match that I can’t actually think of the words to explain it. It is just so standard and basic that I could see it at an FCW show. The wrestling is fine, but there’s no thought here at all. Faces win.

Rating: D. This was just so boring. Like I said, the wrestling was fine, but dang it was just there. There’s no thought, no story, no reason for this to take place. It’s an ok opener, but I would have wanted to see anything else.

Hey kids! Call this number if you want to hear a prerecorded comment from Savage or Liz about their fake wedding! Your parents won’t mind!

Mr. Perfect says he’s a great champion.

IC Title: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Dang this was on second? This is by far and away the best match on the card and a lot of people, including Norcal, says that it’s one of the best matches ever. These two had such a magnificent chemistry together and it’s hardly ever been topped. I defy you to find a better pair of guys to have such consistent matches with. Stu and Helen are there…again. Has there ever been a match with Bret that they haven’t been at?

You don’t see them at Owen’s matches. No wonder Owen was the bitter one. Coach is there with Perfect, and sadly enough his death got NO coverage due to Misawa dying a day later. They start with a great set of back and forth stuff with no one being able to get an advantage. It’s one of those types of openings where you have a guy in control but he’s not dominating at all. Hart does that here by just having on a basic headlock.

Heenan continues to show why he’s as important as anyone on the roster as his lines about Bret’s parents make you want to cheer for Bret more than anyone else could. Perfect gets his singlet literally ripped apart by Hart which makes him look almost crazed about the match. He looks like he’s in a war despite this having been going about 7 minutes at this point. This is a great dynamic for a match as you have the young lion Bret facing the established veteran in Perfect, who has the exact same style.

Crowd is way into this one too, which is making it better. Perfect’s hair looks like he got a bad shock as his perm has practically exploded. He takes over though as Heenan is singing his praises. We get a hair toss, which isn’t something that you see that often in a men’s match. That would hurt like heck too. Imagine being tossed by your hair. If that’s going to happen to me I better be getting paid for it. There’s a good story playing out here as Perfect counters everything that Hart has.

Hart kicks out of the Perfect Plex as the fans and Heenan lose their minds. Heenan says that no one has ever done that, which is ridiculous as Warrior did it in 1990. Hart brings up the original 5 moves of doom to put Perfect in “a whole heap of trouble.” Coach breaks this up though so Perfect has control again. He drops a let between Bret’s legs and backflips out of it which is cool looking.

He does it again, and in one of the SWEETEST counters I’ve ever seen, Bret grabs his leg, puts the Sharpshooter on him on the mat from his back, spins him over and then pulls back on it for the tap out. That was freaking sweet. Bret runs over to his family to celebrate. We get to hear Stu’s voice, which I never recall hearing other than this.

Rating: A+. These guys were spot on the whole time. It was a nearly 20 minute match and I didn’t see a single botch or anything resembling a botch at all. That counter at the end was absolute perfection and it played so well into the rest of the match. These two had so much chemistry they might as well be a magnet high school. Great match all around.

Hulk Hogan has a special PPV coming up, which is nothing but his “biggest” matches. Forerunner to 24/7 I guess.

We cut to the back to see the Bushwackers and Andre the Giant, which has to the weirdest pairing of all time. Andre was completely gone at this point with big crutches holding him up. This is explained by Earthquake being the guy that injured him. This was his last major WWF appearance save for popping up at a battle royal in London a few months later, which wasn’t televised until on 24/7 and some special releases.

Bushwackers vs. Natural Disasters

It’s so sad to see the Bushwackers have to walk so slow to let Andre keep up with them. He just didn’t need to be out there at this point but you can see it in his eyes that he’s having a ball out there. His love for the business was so obvious and it’s a shame he wasn’t around for the big boom in the 90s, at least to see it if nothing else. Now in case you’re an idiot and can’t figure it out, this is a comedy match.

GREAT line by Piper. Heenan says if he were the manager of the Bushwackers he’s kill himself. Piper says go apply for the job. Piper was a freaking riot when he didn’t like someone. To further make this stupid, the Bushwackers beat them up to start. Can someone explain to me why this makes sense? Piper says that two guys from New Zealand are Americana personified. He can be a riot but he can also be a moron.

Heenan with a Larry, Darryl and Darryl joke to take the lead in the best commentator of the night race. Andre continues to point and grunt about various things. Heenan leaves to interview Hogan as the ND finally take control and the match gets boring in a hurry. Did the Wackers EVER do anything of note? I can’t remember anything.

Anyway, as expected, this ends with a Bushwacker, the one that licked me at a house show, getting pinned. Afterwards the Disasters go after Andre but the LOD run out for the save and the showdown that I’m not sure ever occurred.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match. What do you really expect here? It was however, pretty short so it could have been far, far worse.

Heenan goes to Hogan’s dressing room with the NWA title to continue what should have been the biggest showdown of all time, but they somehow screwed it up. Heenan’s unveiling of the NWA Big Gold Belt in 91 still ranks in my top five most awesome moments in wrestling history. Hogan (never seen or heard) slams the door in his face.

More Savage/Liz phone line ads. Macho is shown on the phone line. This is just stupid.
DiBiase and Mooney recap the Virgil/DiBiase history. As bad as Virgil was, this match was actually kind of epic as the pop for Virgil finally turning was pretty big. This is the rematch from Mania 7 where Virgil won by countout.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

The wrestling here isn’t the appeal. Virgil has had very few matches at this point while DiBiase is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Surprisingly enough, DiBiase dominates early on. It’s pretty basic with punches and kicks with a roll-up here or there. There’s just not a lot to say about the first half of this match. Both guys are going pretty light out there which is fine I think, as it’s really more about the storyline than the match itself.

Piper was Virgil’s mentor so he’s cheering wildly for him. Heenan gets in a great line about Virgil being so dumb he’ll try to bronze the gold belt. After about 5 minutes of Virgil getting beaten up, he catches DiBiase in a Million Dollar Dream until Sherri runs in to cause the DQ as Piper absolutely snaps.

HOWEVER!

The referee decides that’s not fair and sends Sherri to the back while ordering the match to continue. Now we get a better match as they’re going a bit harder but Virgil is hurt after being hit by the loaded purse. DiBiase proceeds to kick his body guarding self from one side of the ring to the other, but the ref was bumped so we have no one to count the pin.

A piledriver (which is what love feels just like sometimes) puts him nearly out as DiBiase takes off the turnbuckle. Virgil counters and rams him in twice. I don’t like the ending though as it takes Virgil about 20 seconds to get the cover and the win. Piper goes insane over this.

Rating: B. As I said, this was all storyline and it was a very fun one. Virgil rising up to face DiBiase and say that he’d had enough, leading to the big blowoff of him winning the title that literally was DiBiase’s was just perfect. The wrestling was pretty bad, but the emotion makes up for it.

The Mountie says he’ll win tonight.

Big Bossman says he’ll win tonight.

Jailhouse Match: Big Bossman vs. Mountie

The loser spends a night in a New York jail, which is kind of an interesting idea. This was around the time that Mountie was using this stupid shock stick to attack people. Monsoon says this will be a classic. That’s just comical. Piper would finally beat Mountie as he had a vest or something that absorbed the electricity, which is actually brilliant. There’s all kinds of bad prison jokes by Heenan here as this is supposed to be a huge match.

Apparently the loser also gets arrested and will have a criminal record. Dude, seriously, this is absurd. I still can’t get over the fact that Mountie beat Bret Hart and Hogan. You’d think he was Edge or something. This is a pretty boring match as once again it’s all about storyline as the match really just doesn’t live up to the hype.

Gorilla says that Hart is the best advertisement for birth control he’s ever seen. It just kind of happens slowly and no one cares about this match. Bossman wins and they take Mountie to jail, in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: D. I can’t believe I liked this as a kid. The styles just didn’t mesh. Mountie was better when he wrestled as a light weight, not this. Boss Man was outliving his usefulness at this point, but that can be attributed to them never really giving him a serious push. This whole gimmick as just dumb and the match was even worse.

DiBiase is mad that he lost the title, which was stolen from him.

Hart is happy about winning the title.

Jimmy Hart is with the Natural Disasters and is FREAKING OUT over Mountie. This is a pretty funny bit from him. The Disasters want the LOD. That’s not a good idea.

Boss Man makes fun of the Mounite as we must be on an intermission.

Gene is talking to Savage who is nervous, so let’s plug his phone call thing.

Holy

Freaking

Goodness

They actually put the intermission clock on the screen! It’s 5 minutes of dead silence, with the Savage phone number on the screen. You can hear the crowd cheering something. Boy it would be fun to actually SEE what they’re cheering for wouldn’t it? This is freaking stupid. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes waiting on a clock to count down. Why in the world was this left on the home video? I don’t want to look at a countdown.

Right now I’d rather read a book or something like that. We would have had to pay for this back in the day. After turning off my Best of Starrcade DVD which is more interesting to look at the box of than this countdown, we come back…to the Summerslam logo! My goodness people wonder why no one bought wrestling PPVs back in the day. At least give us some promos or something. Is it really that hard to do?

We go straight to the jail, where Mountie is arriving. My goodness, WHY WASN’T THIS USED DURING THE BREAK? If you want to have a live intermission that’s cool but don’t waste the money of the people paying by making them watch a freaking clock. That’s just stupid. Yeah this isn’t funny.

The Nasty Boys are in the back and Jimmy is still losing it. This is going to be a street fight for the belts against the LOD. The champions leave but first, we go back the jail where Mountie is panicking over everything, this time being photographed which is apparently like taking his soul.

Gene is with the LOD who say this is right up their alley. This promo is more about the Natural Disasters than the title match they have next. But before that silly thing like a tag title match, we go back for more “comedy” as Mountie is offended by getting his fingerprints taken.

MORE promos as I’m just sick of these now. Slaughter and company say they’ll win. This is just freaking ridiculous as we’ve gone 20 minutes since the end of the last match.

Screw it I give up. Sid has to do a promo now since he’s the referee for the main event. Did we really need the 5 minute clock with all these promos? Was this intermission half an hour? We see a video of Sid being offered a spot with Slaughter’s team.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

What the heck, you mean you don’t want to interview the caterers? Like I said this is a street fight for the belts. It’s kind of funny hearing Gorilla have to play babysitter between the two commentators. LOD is WAY over. Piper says that stands for look out dummy. Actually I believe it stands for Legion of Doom there Roddy. Big brawl of course to start us off.

We talk about Sid a lot as the referee tries to get people to tag in and out. I will never get the point of that in a street fight. And after the first few minutes it becomes a regular tag match. Well sure why not. Hawk plays Ricky Morton in a weird casting decision. Sags hits a top rope elbow on Hawk for two as Animal saves.

Animal comes in off the fairly hot tag and yeah this is going to be dominance. The Nasties get in a helmet (Jimmy’s trademark with them for some reason) shot to Hawk which does nothing for the most part. Hawk hits both guys with it and the Device on Sags gives them their first WWF Tag Titles.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak for the most part. It started and ended fairly hot but the middle is just dull. It’s a tag team match for about 5 minutes and the rest is nothing at all. There’s nothing here worth anything other than the LOD getting their first tag titles which took them forever to get. Pretty weak here but it was quick. One thing though: did ANYONE not see the title change coming? Anyone? Nah I didn’t think so.

Uh oh. I think that crazy Mountie might be up to more hijinks. Let’s see what kind of shenanigans he’s gotten himself into this time, that little rascal. Oh look at this! That hilarious Mountie got put inside a cell! What kind of improbably circumstances could he find himself in there? Wait and see!

Survivor Series promo.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

Yep, it’s a filler on a show with a 5 minute intermission. I wonder if this qualifies for the worst booked show of all time. Valentine was completely done at this point and this was to do nothing but put over Irwin. Both guys here are great workers though so if you can ignore the stupidity of putting this on next to last after the ridiculous amount of filler we’ve already had, this could be a good match.

Apparently Roberts and Taker are in Madison Square Garden which is a huge deal. Yeah it’s not like those two could be on the card or something like that. Oh hey, did you hear that Mountie is in jail? Not sure if I made that clear, but Mountie is in jail for the night. About five minutes into this match, we address it. Remember what I said about this might be ok? I was wrong, this match sucks.

Valentine puts the figure four on him but he gets to the ropes without really selling it at all. He goes for it again and gets rolled up with a shoulder up and kicking out before the three, but I guess the referee says end this suckage now and I’ll buy you an Air Supply album. That’ll keep Valentine distracted for hours.

Rating: D+. I feel so bad for guys like this when the commentators aren’t the least bit interested in the match. At least give them something to work on. No one wanted to see this and it would have been better being much earlier in the show. It was pretty bad, but if the announcers had actually tried, it would have been at least watchable.

Hogan says to buy his PPV in the fall.

Hogan and Warrior are feeling patriotic apparently. The big problem with the whole Iraq storyline was this: the war had ended 6 months ago. There’s a running story/joke that Vince was hoping the war went until May so the main event of Mania would have made sense. Of course, since the writers were lazy even back then, which I believe the writers consisted of Vince back then, let’s just keep it going for another 6 months instead of having a real main event at Summerslam.

Slaughter/Mustafa/Adnan vs. Hogan/Warrior

Let me make this clear: no one cares. Sid is the referee instead of having him face Warrior in what could have been a big match, or a Warrior/Hogan vs. Slaughter rematch which also would have been an interesting match. Ok no it wouldn’t have been but it would have been a real main event. The world champion is in a freaking handicap match at Summerslam. This is so stupid. Let’s get this nonsense over with please.

In case you can’t tell, I freaking hate this show. The faces dominate early as the fans cheer and no one is surprised. The only interesting thing here is to watch Warrior as he knows it’s his last match. Nothing special from him as Hogan gets beaten down and has to get beaten up by a couple of 50 year olds. He even takes the camel clutch from the man he beat for the world title 7 and a half years ago. That’s just weird to think about.

Hulkamania was born less than 8 years before this. They actually acknowledge that he’s the Sheik which I didn’t remember them doing. Hogan makes his comeback and tags Warrior, who beats up the heels but then gets beaten down himself. My goodness where do they come up with this brilliant storytelling? I’ve never seen anything like it (tonight at least)!

Warrior with his comeback and then it’s a brawl, no one is interested, Warrior grabs a chair and chases the two near senior citizens to the back because he can’t beat them on his own where he’s promptly fired. Hogan uses some powder and pins Slaughter with Sid doing absolutely nothing of note the entire match. Posing ensues as Sid joins him. This was a BIG waste of time.

Rating: D. There is absolutely no thought in this match at all. It’s two faces against three heels. I don’t think there was any buildup, and if there was it’s not mentioned here. Hogan was about to drop the title to Taker in two months, and Taker isn’t even on the card.
There was a home video released where this same match happened, but Taker was in it instead of the old guy not named Iron Sheik. Now wouldn’t that have been better here? This was called the Match Made In Hell. That’s a perfect title, because it would be perfect in the 8th circle of eternal torment. Horrible match and I’m glad it’s over.

And one more time, we see the Mountie in jail, this time being hit on by a fat biker. See, it’s funny because the biker wants to screw Mountie. See why that’s funny? I want to make sure it’s known that this is designed to be a joke, because I don’t think they made it clear enough. That’s a bit risqué for 1991.

We get the whole promo of Savage proposing to Liz, as this is the match made in heaven. See what they did? Match made in heaven and its opposite? See how intelligent Vince was to imply one was good and one was bad? Oh yeah that’s awesome indeed. In case that’s not enough emotion for you, we get a 4 minute music video, highlighting their entire history. The thing at Mania was amazing stuff and for the simple reason of it was spontaneous. This is just overkill.

The wedding is of course in the middle of the ring, which is of course set up to look like a chapel. Savage comes out first, in his hat, which has a, I’m not making this up, two foot high feather on it. We even have stupid flower girls and ring bearers. Could this get any sappier? Liz comes out looking stunning of course as the only thing that’s appealing about the whole thing. They say I do and the show ends.

Now for the actual good part: the reception. This was a bonus on some versions of the tape that has some of the best comedy I’ve ever seen. We get the standard stuff: toast, first dance, cake, etc. One thing that’s funny here is Gene says Mr. and Mrs. Macho. Shouldn’t it be Mr. and Mrs. Savage? Now we get to the really good part, as they open their wedding gifts.

Savage opens one and finds a blender. “WE GOT A BLENDER!!!” For some reason this is just freaking hysterical to me. He sounds like he won the WWF Title or something. Anyway, they get some candlesticks to which Savage shouts that next time they should send money. Liz looks at him, wondering what’s this about next time. Savage turns back and yells KIDDING! Then it kicks off as Liz opens a box to find a King Cobra.

Taker appears out of nowhere and blasts Savage in the head with the urn. Did no one see the SEVEN FOOT TALL GUY IN ALL BLACK AND A COWBOY HAT??? Jake comes in with a snake handler’s glove and another snake, yet no one stopped him either. Sid comes in with a wooden chair to run them off as we end with me laughing my head off at it.

Overall Rating: D. This show sucked. It has ONE good match. The rest is bad comedy and a horrible main event. I literally couldn’t remember what the main event was at this show when I was trying to think of it the other day. That should happen at Judgment Day or something, not freaking SUMMERSLAM.

Half the show was dedicated to an unfunny angle that was a waste of time. There is one match that’s bringing this up to a D from an F-. Watch that, and that’s it. This might be the worst of the big four that I’ve ever seen, including WM 11.

 

 

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No Way Out 2007: They Made It Big

No Way Out 2007
Date: February 18, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s that show where WWE pretends that it matters while showing us a commercial for Wrestlemania. The main event is a tag match between the Wrestlemania main events, which should be a quality though unimportant match. Other than that, we are getting a Divas Talent Show, which should be as exciting as it sounds. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the tag match, because that’s about all that matters around here.

Commentary welcomes us to the show, with JBL ranting about the Spanish team.

Chris Benoit/Hardys vs. MVP/MNM

Bonus match which combines….well just one feud as MVP and Benoit haven’t had any major issues. Matt and Mercury slug it out to start until Mercury charges into a raised boot in the corner. The Hardys start taking over on the arm until Mercury pulls him down by the hair. Nitro comes in and gets his arm cranked as well so MVP will try it instead. That’s fine with Benoit, who is right there to slam him down.

MVP gets chopped into the corner and MNM bails away in a hurry. Benoit gets two off a snap suplex and hands it off to Jeff, who gets slowed down by a rake to the eyes. Nitro comes in for the big staredown and suckers Jeff outside, where Mercury gets in a cheap shot. Back in and we hit the chinlock from Nitro, followed by one from Mercury. A suplex gives MVP two but Jeff gets to the corner for a quick Whisper in the Wind. It’s back to Matt to pick up the pace but MVP takes him down into a cravate.

Ballin gets two on Matt and Mercury comes in to go after Matt’s face again. Matt fights out of Nitro’s front facelock and hits a clothesline, allowing the hot tag off to Benoit. A double German suplex drops MNM and everything breaks down. Poetry In Motion hits MVP and another suplex gets two on Mercury. Nitro dives off the apron with a clothesline to Jeff but has to dive back in to break up the Crossface on MVP. Matt saves Benoit from the Snapshot and it’s the Crossface to make Mercury tap.

Rating: B. I can always go for a good six man and they were going pretty fast throughout here. Mixing up a pair of feuds (or at least one feud and two more people) opens up some extra options and keeps things from being the same stuff over and over. Really good opener here and that shouldn’t be the biggest surprise.

Vickie Guerrero has some options and one of her biggest is coming true on Smackdown. She hugs Krystal and thanks her for everything.

Finlay talks with the Leprechaun (who can speak fine here), who is scared of the Boogeyman. Well the Little Boogeyman, because little people are scary. Finlay throws him into a trashcan so he won’t be so scared and then leaves….and the Boogeyman smoke comes up. Little Boogeyman pops up and screaming ensues.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Gregory Helms is defending in a gauntlet match. Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #1 and Daivari is in at #2. Daivari sends him into the corner for some right hands but Scotty comes back with the bulldog. There’s the Worm and Daivari is done in a hurry. Gregory Helms is in at #1 and hammers on Scotty, including a catapult to send him throat first into the middle rope. Scotty is back with a belly to back suplex but the Worm is broken up. What would become known as the Codebreaker gets rid of Scotty so it’s Funaki in at #4.

Helms small packages him for the pin in about five seconds and it’s Shannon Moore in at #5. A spinning backbreaker gives Helms a fast two and a belly to belly superplex drops Moore again. Another Codebreaker gets rid of Moore and it’s Jimmy Wang Yang in at #6. Yang goes right after him and hits a standing moonsault for two. A Russian legsweep sets up some weird arm hold on the mat but Helms is back up in a hurry with a hard right hand. Yang grabs a quick hurricanrana for the pin out of nowhere, guaranteeing a new champion.

Jamie Noble is in at #7 as JBL demands more time to talk about Helms losing the title. A hard shot to the face sets up a chinlock on Yang and Noble sends him hard into the post for two. Yang fights back with a few clotheslines and the spinwheel kick for two of his own. The moonsault press gets rid of Noble and Yang thinks he has won….but it’s Chavo Guerrero in at #8 to complete the field.

Chavo uppercuts him down a few times and kicks Yang in the back to take over in a hurry. A spinwheel kick gives Yang a breather and the big dive to the floor drops Chavo again. Back in and Chavo hits Three Amigos, which Cole calls disrespectful for some reason. Yang gets in another shot to the face and goes up, only to miss the twisting moonsault. The frog splash gives Chavo the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I’m really not a fan of this style as it’s a bunch of mini matches rather than anything getting time. Chavo winning the title is fine, but the rapid fire falls brings up the same thing I always wonder with this format: why is it so much easier to get a fall in this one than in any given match? Either way, at least the title is off of Helms, who was getting hammered with losses that WWE didn’t seem to think counted because he was still champion.

John Cena isn’t worried about teaming with Shawn Michaels tonight. What does have him concerned is facing Batista and Undertaker tonight. As for Michaels, what is going to happen when you can feel this much tension? Cena doesn’t know either.

Finlay/Leprechaun vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

The Leprechaun is as terrified as you would expect and hides underneath the ring, leaving this as a handicap match. Cole finds it funny, sending JBL into a rant about how Cole is xenophobic for hating Irish people. Boogeyman punches Finlay down to start and they head outside with Finlay being sent into the apron. Back in and Boogeyman hits a powerslam for two, allowing Little Boogeyman to come in for a seated senton. The Leprechaun comes in, puts his hat on Finlay and rolls up his sleeves, allowing Finlay to kick Little Boogeyman in the head.

JBL has no idea what he is watching as Finlay stomps away on Little Boogeyman and grabs a short armscissors. Little Boogeyman gets out and goes underneath the ring, but Boogeyman comes out. Back in and Boogeyman catapults Finlay into the corner and a double splash connects, with the Leprechaun making the save. Boogeyman loads up the worms to chase the Leprechaun off, leaving Finlay to hit the Little Boogeyman with the Shillelagh for the pin.

Rating: D. The goofiness was high with this one but it’s kind of hard to get that angry about it. They made no secret of what they were going for here and the match went about as well as it was going to with all the nuttiness. Finlay and the Leprechaun do well together and it’s kind of funny to have a Little Boogeyman to balance things out. That and Finlay hitting Little Boogeyman in the head with a club was worth a chuckle at the end.

Of note: we are about an hour into the show and Cole’s voice is almost gone. This could be an interesting remaining two hours.

Shawn Michaels says he can’t trust John Cena because he only trusts HHH. No matter what happens tonight though, he has to make sure that nothing happens to Cena until Wrestlemania.

King Booker vs. Kane

Booker has Queen Sharmell in his corner, and we get a quick recap (Booker eliminated Kane from the Royal Rumble after being eliminated himself) during the entrances. Booker tries to run to start but gets caught in the corner for some elbows to the face. Kane doesn’t seem to mind getting hit in the face and takes Booker outside for elbow on the apron. As the beating continues, JBL goes into the Inferno match AGAIN, with Cole asking what JBL would have done to win the match.

The side slam and big boot set up a clothesline to the floor as Booker is still in trouble. Booker gets in a few shots of his own though and a missile dropkick connects for two back inside. The armbar goes on for a bit, followed by a kick to the face to give Booker two. Kane gets chopped down in the corner but he comes back with a suplex for a breather.

Booker kicks him in the ribs but misses the ax kick, allowing Kane to hit a running clothesline. The right hands in the corner rock Booker again and there’s the side slam. Kane’s top rope clothesline (closer to a right hang) draws Sharmell up to the apron and Booker nails the side kick. Not that it matters as Kane pops up with the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. Perfectly fine match here as Kane gets a nice boost and King Booker’s run continues to cool off. There isn’t much left for him to do very high up on the card and that makes sense. King Booker wasn’t a gimmick that was going to have a very long term run on top and it has taken its course. Putting someone like Kane over is a good thing, as he could be used to make someone look bigger later.

Batista says Raw is going to lose tonight and he isn’t intimidated by Undertaker, John Cena or Shawn Michaels.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Deuce and Domino

Deuce and Domino, with Cherry, are challenging after winning back to back non-title matches. Domino drives London into the corner to start and they trade slaps. A jumping elbow drops Domino and it’s off to Kendrick to work on the arm. The champs clear the ring in a hurry and it’s time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Domino gets in a shot from behind on London to take over for the first time.

London gets whipped into some raised knees in the corner and we hit the double arm crank with a knee in the back. Deuce sends London hard into the corner and there’s a double backdrop for two. The chinlock goes on, allowing the referee to go over and say something to Kendrick in a weird visual. London fights up and gets the tag, setting up a quick spinning backslide for two on Deuce. Domino is back in but misses a Doomsday Device clothesline, allowing Kendrick to victory roll Deuce for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. I liked the match but I’m a bit confused by the ending. This was set up for the title change and there was little reason for them to not change the belts here. London and Kendrick have cooled down a bit in recent weeks and it is time for them to drop the titles already. Deuce and Domino are kind of perfect for that, but I guess they have to be slowed a bit on the way there.

Cole’s voice is barely holding up.

Video on Bobby Lashley’s childhood, which led to his successful amateur wrestling career. This is the same thing that aired on ECW last week.

Mr. Kennedy thinks Bobby Lashley is just like everyone here in Los Angeles: a phony wannabe. Everyone has a dream but he is standing here and they are all out there. He has beaten Lashley before and he can do it again, this time becoming the new ECW World Cha….and here is Lashley to say the one word for Kennedy is halitosis. Lashley drops him too, giving us a great confused Kennedy look.

ECW World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and Kennedy jumps him from behind during the entrances. That doesn’t exactly work on Lashley, who beats him near the barricade and takes it inside for the opening bell. A backdrop into a slam has Kennedy in more trouble and the delayed vertical suplex gets two. Kennedy slips away though and kicks Lashley down in the corner. Lashley grabs a torture rack but a rake to the eyes gets Kennedy out of trouble.

JBL talks about how this is the Wrestlemania of the future as Kennedy puts on something like a reverse Figure Four (with Lashley face down and Kennedy face up). With that broken up, Kennedy switches to a half crab so Lashley has to grab a rope. Back up and Lashley tries a slam but the leg gives out, allowing Kennedy to take him down again. A running dropkick to the knee gets two, with JBL saying to take notes if you want to be a sports entertainer.

More stomping in the corner sets up a DDT for two as the fans are not exactly thrilled. The half crab goes on again but this time Kennedy lets it go and puts him down again. The Kenton Bomb hits raised knees though and the leg is fine enough for the torture rack into the kneeling backbreaker. Kennedy “accidentally” bumps the referee and takes out Lashley’s leg again before grabbing a chair. Lashley takes it away and hits Kennedy for the lame DQ.

Rating: C-. I don’t get the boring chants from the fans but the ending wasn’t very good. Sure you don’t want Kennedy to take a fall (as he has done enough as of late) so why put them in this situation if that is all you have? They were in a bad place here and the match might not have been thrilling, but it could have been a lot worse. It could have been a lot shorter too, but I don’t think I would have said boring.

Rey Mysterio is back on Smackdown, but just to talk.

The Condemned is coming.

Vinnie Jones, co-star in the Condemned, says he is the real star of the movie and he beat up Steve Austin….presumably in the movie?

The Miz hosts the Divas Talent Invitational, starting with Extreme Expose. They dance, people drool, next act.

Next up is Jillian Hall, who is excited to have her big break in front of these music executives. First she has to warm up and doesn’t like the lack of bass. She sings her original version, with Miz saying she is the female version of William Hung. Jillian goes into a rant about how Extreme Expose couldn’t even be her backup dancers. She goes on about the other women’s “talents” and calls them b******. Cue the rest of the women to beat her up for the catfight, with referees breaking it up.

Ashley comes out with the talent of showing her Playboy cover and taking off her top, revealing strategically placed Playboy Bunny stickers. That’s enough for the win, shockingly enough.

Wrestlemania is All Grown Up. I like that one, though I’m still not sure I get it.

We recap the main event of Undertaker/Batista vs. Shawn Michaels/John Cena. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble and is facing Batista, while Shawn Michaels, the Royal Rumble runner up, is challenging Cena. Take two Wrestlemania main events and make a tag match.

John Cena/Shawn Michaels vs. Batista/Undertaker

Non-title. Shawn comes out to the DX theme and entrance as he continues to reach post-Strike Force Tito Santana levels of not being able to let it go. Batista knocks Cena into the corner to start but Cena comes back with right hands. That earns him a Regal Roll of all things and an early powerslam gets two. Cena avoids a charge into the corner though and it’s off to Shawn to fire off the chops.

That doesn’t last long as Batista powers him down and brings in Undertaker for a quick Old School. Undertaker shoves away the right hands in the corner and gets two off the big boot. Batista comes back in but misses an elbow, allowing the tag back to Cena. Undertaker is right back in as well and you can feel the energy coming up for the showdown. Cena catches Undertaker going up top (that’s a rare one) with a superplex but Undertaker sits back up.

The right hands rock Undertaker, who drops Cena again. This time it’s Undertaker missing an elbow of his own so it’s back to Shawn, who is gorilla pressed out to the floor in the big crash. Back in and Cena makes the save, leaving Shawn to get pounded down in the corner. Shawn gets in a shot to Undertaker’s knee and starts firing off right hands in the corner, as JBL compares this to getting to see WWE vs. WCW. Egads I’d hope it’s better than that.

Batista comes in for a series of clotheslines into a headlock but Shawn manages a running DDT. The hot tag brings in Cena to start cleaning house, including the Shuffle to Batista. Undertaker breaks up the FU and fights outside with Shawn, leaving Batista to hit a spinebuster. The Batista Bomb is broken up by Shawn’s shot to the knee and it’s time to take turns on Batista for a change. Cena blasts him with a clothesline for two as Cole has just stopped talking as his voice is gone. Shawn grabs a front facelock but Batista powers him off without much effort.

That’s not enough for the tag though as Cena is right there with a sleeper on the suddenly busted open Batista. The STFU has Batista in trouble in the middle of the ring, with Undertaker taking his time to make the save. It’s back to Shawn for the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a swinging Boss Man Slam. That’s enough for the hot tag back to Undertaker as everything breaks down. Undertaker beats up both of them without much trouble….until Batista spinebusters him down. Batista watches from ringside as it’s Sweet Chin Music into the FU to finish Undertaker.

Rating: B. The word for this match is big, as it felt like a match that belonged in a main event spot. It didn’t matter that there were no stakes and it won’t matter until Wrestlemania, but they got into a groove so that it felt like a match between two teams. That made Batista turning on Undertaker at the end feel important, and gives us the closest thing to a villain in the title match, even if it is more of an edgy good guy instead. Heck of a match here and a nice surprise.

Batista stares at Undertaker, who pulls himself up to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show is bookended by a pair of good matches but the middle is pretty all over the place. What helps this show more than anything else is the complete lack of expectations coming in. There was no reason to expect a good show here and we wound up getting a fine one, though only the opener and main event are really worth seeing. It is time to get ready for Wrestlemania now though, and that could not come soon enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.