Smackdown – September 4, 2003: Didn’t We Do This Already?

Smackdown
Date: September 4, 2003
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ve got a big main event this time around as Smackdown World Champion Kurt Angle is defending against the Undertaker, who won a triple threat last week to earn the shot. Brock Lesnar is looming though and there’s a good chance that’s not going to end well. At the same time though we have the freshly face Eddie Guerrero spreading his awesomeness all over the place and that’s more than enough around here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s triple threat with Undertaker winning the title shot.

Opening sequence, which actually still has Rock included. I can’t even remember the last time he was on this show.

Tag Team Titles: APA vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The APA is challenging…..for some reason. Faarooq powerslams Haas for two to start but Benjamin gets in a shot from behind to take over. The jump over Haas (which barely clears his head) crushes Faarooq’s back and the double stomping continues. Haas grabs a bearhug (not something you would expect from him) before tripping Faarooq down for two.

Now it’s Haas going up top but diving into a powerslam, allowing the hot tag to Bradshaw. A fall away slam and big boot drop the champs as everything breaks down. Bradshaw pulls Benjamin outside, leaving Faarooq to hit a spinebuster on Haas for two. Benjamin’s superkick gets two on Faarooq so Bradshaw takes his head off with the Clothesline. Haas gets the foot on the rope though and a belt shot lets the champs retain.

Rating: D+. Actually somewhat better match than I was expecting here and thankfully the APA were just there to give the champs a rub. The division needs some more teams though and having the APA thrown in there for a week is fine enough until we get some fresh acts. Not a bad match, though the ending didn’t do the champs a ton of good.

Eddie Guerrero is polishing his low rider and the US Title when the long black limo arrives. This time it’s Big Show, Sable and Vince, who seem to like Eddie’s car. Brock Lesnar shows up and wants to know why Vince hasn’t talked to him much since Summerslam. Maybe because he’s been busy with Brock’s future wife? It’s because Brock tapped out (Brock REALLY doesn’t want to hear that) but Vince will talk to him later.

Post break, Brock is in Vince’s office where the boss slaps him in the face as a wake up call. It seems to do the trick as Brock grabs him, only to be calmed down when Vince tells him to be a monster. Maybe now he can tap to Benoit or someone else instead of ripping through the roster?

Here’s John Cena for a chat. Cena wants to know why Eddie is waxing the car. Is it dirty, or is he worried that Cena will “jack it with a Compton quickness”? We see a clip of Cena beating Eddie up last week and giving him an AA onto the tire. Cena thinks Eddie should be mowing his lawn because he used him like a girl from a Girls Gone Wild video.

After calling Eddie a rather mean name, here comes the low rider. The fight is on in a hurry with Cena getting the better of it off a belt shot. He’s not done either as he steals the low rider, much to Eddie’s chagrin. Eddie is so shocked that he can’t get out of the ring and chase after the car, which must be going a full four miles an hour as it backs out of the arena.

Post break, after Cena has left the arena, Eddie rants to Stephanie about the car. A Latino street fight in the parking lot is made for next week. Maybe by that point Eddie will figure out how to catch up with a car backing up in slow motion.

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

Rematch from last week where A-Train tapped with his legs under the ropes. Benoit sticks and moves to start but the chops don’t have much effect. A running elbow in the corner has an effect on Benoit though and A-Train whips him hard in the corner to start on the ribs. We’re already off to a chinlock with a knee in Benoit’s back as A-Train actually has some psychology.

A butterfly suplex of all things gets two on Benoit and we hit the bearhug. Benoit fights out and hits some running forearms, followed by the rolling German suplexes. The Swan Dive misses and the Train Wreck gets two but the referee gets bumped. Cue Rhyno to try a Gore on Benoit, only to hit A-Train by mistake to give Benoit the pin.

Rating: C-. A-Train working the back made sense but are they really spending back to back weeks protecting him? He’s that important? Anyway, Rhyno vs. Benoit should be fine for a one off match but it shouldn’t be any more than that. Benoit needs to move on to something important, especially after spending months with Rhyno in one form or another.

Undertaker praises Angle but says he’s not tapping to the ankle lock even if his ankle is broken. Then he’ll show Angle what a real submission is with the dragon sleeper. If that doesn’t work, maybe it’s a chokeslam or a Tombstone or a Last Ride but he’s leaving with the title. It’s almost weird to hear Undertaker talk like this.

Earlier today, Torrie Wilson and Nidia compared how they look in bikinis for the sake of a bikini contest which took place before the show. Nidia puts in her false breasts and they dance for no apparent reason. Nidia rubs lotion on Torrie’s back, which Torrie seems to like. Is it really already time for another Torrie likes girls story?

Angle promises to make Undertaker tap.

Vince has taken over Stephanie’s office where Brock is apparently slamming things into a wall. Sable is nowhere to be seen and….egads ok then.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging. Angle grabs a front facelock to start so Undertaker grabs a wristlock and cranks away. That earns him a headlock on the mat as they seem to have a lot of time here. Undertaker drops a leg on the arm and cranks on a short armscissors. An armbar of all things sets up Old School but Angle suplexes him right back down.

Undertaker’s solution is to punch Angle in the face, followed by an elbow to the chest on the apron. The apron legdrop drops Angle to the floor and Undertaker posts him for good measure. Back from a break with Undertaker still in control and amazingly not using a chinlock. Angle grabs a sleeper but gets suplexed down, leaving Undertaker to slap himself in the head. Well at least he’s taking this one seriously.

Undertaker’s dragon sleeper is broken up in short order so he goes with the running corner clothesline. Snake Eyes into the running big boot looks to set up a legdrop but Kurt picks the ankle. It’s way too early for a tap out so Angle switches to the Slam for two instead. A second Angle Slam is countered into a chokeslam for two more.

Angle reverses the Last Ride into a sunset flip and then the ankle lock but this time Undertaker pulls him down into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s rolled over into another ankle lock but Undertaker reverses again into a triangle choke. Angle’s arm drops twice so he gets his foot on the ropes for the break.

Undertaker limps into a big boot but only hits ropes, allowing Angle to slap on the ankle lock for a few more seconds. A shot to the face has Angle bleeding from the cheek and Undertaker slugs away for good measure. The chokeslam is countered into the fifth ankle lock and, again, Undertaker rolls out of it. The ankle is fine enough for a chokeslam and the Last Ride but here’s Brock with a chair to beat them both down for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This didn’t hit the level these two are capable of and the ankle lock seemingly not causing Undertaker much discomfort didn’t help things. It felt like they were just doing their thing until we got to the finish, which didn’t give us much drama. What we got was good, but it’s really hard to buy the threat of Undertaker tapping, even to someone like Angle.

Brock destroys them both with chair and belt shots.

Post break, Undertaker refuses attention until he collapses.

Angle just settles for some ice.

Some New Orleans Saints are here.

There was a bikini contest earlier today and it’s trimmed to a highlight package. How in the world can you screw up having good looking women walk around in swimsuits? It’s Sable, Dawn Marie, Nidia and Torrie in Mardi Gras themed attire before they disrobe. Torrie wins but Shaniqua runs in and beats them all down. I’m really hoping this was cut due to time instead of content because that would be a new low even for WWE.

The APA isn’t happy with their loss but the office is back. They even have a red bow on the door and a butler (Bradshaw: “I won him in a poker game. I even have a deed for him!”) to present them with cigars and beer. This might be better if they hadn’t lost earlier in the night but we’re not supposed to remember that part. Well assuming you ignored what they talked about to start the segment.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri

Rey is defending. They start fast with Rey armdragging him down, only to have us go into a standoff. Rey tries a headscissors out of the corner but lands on the referee, who is nice enough to throw him off so he can flip Tajiri over. The springboard is broken up with a superkick and Rey is rocked on the apron. He’s fine enough to miss a 619 though and Tajiri kicks him in the back to knock him outside.

Cole brags about Mysterio defending the title week after week the last few weeks (this is his second title defense in two weeks Cole) as the handspring elbow is broken up with a spinwheel kick. Back from a break with Tajiri kicking him out of the air and grabbing a hammerlock. Not exactly a move you expect to see so late into a match. Rey sends him outside and hits a hard suicide dive to take both guys down.

Back in and Tajiri blocks a sunset bomb with right hands but it’s Rey kicking him down for two. The sitout bulldog (which isn’t innovative Cole) gets two and the springboard seated senton gets the same. A hard kick to the arm drops Rey for two more and we hit the Tarantula.

Rey is right back with the 619 but the springboard splash hits raised boots to the face. Mysterio is fine enough to try his own Tarantula but Tajiri breaks it up without too much effort. They head up top with Tajiri getting shoved down, setting up the West Coast Pop from the turnbuckle to retain.

Rating: B. Solid wrestling match here with Rey getting tested. Who would have guessed that Rey Mysterio and Tajiri would have a good match if they were given a long stretch of time? Hopefully this goes somewhere else with Rey getting to defend the title against the top cruiserweights, which is kind of the point of the title in the first place. Good match, as you probably expected.

Post match Tajiri mists him to turn heel again.

Here are Vince and Big Show for the big closing segment. Vince didn’t like that DQ finish earlier so Angle will be defending the title again. In two weeks, it’s Angle vs. Lesnar in a sixty minute Iron Man match right here on Smackdown. Oddly enough, Vince is very low key in the announcement. Vince brings out Brock….who isn’t here.

Brock pops up in a sky box and thanks Vince for reminding him of who he is. Earlier tonight he proved who he is by attacking Undertaker and Angle. We pause for the YOU TAPPED OUT chants before Brock talks about what went on behind those closed doors earlier. Brock was, shall we saw, softening up someone who needed to be taught a lesson. Brock steps aside and Zach Gowen is in a wheelchair with a gag around his mouth.

Brock slaps him in the broken leg and talks about the wheelchair being jet powered. Gowen panics (well duh) and Brock wheels him back to the concourse where he throws Zach out of the chair. Zach crawls away (without taking the gag off for some reason) but Brock kicks him in the broken leg. Brock talks about wanting to be the monster and we cut back to Vince looking curious.

More stomps to the leg keep Gowen in trouble before Lesnar talks about the chair being magical. See, it can fly, and Brock is going to prove it. Gowen is sat in the chair and Brock chokes him out before shoving Gowen down the steps (complete with a camera cut to Vince before the big fall) to end the show.

This was rather long as Brock had him in the stairwell for above five minutes. I get the idea here of making Brock out to be a monster, but didn’t they do that when Brock caved Gowen’s head in and broke his leg in the first place? I think we’ve covered this already and it might have been a bit more effective if he hadn’t lost to Angle clean at Summerslam. The scene was effective but the camera cut hurt it a bit and it went on a tad too long. Hopefully that gets rid of Gowen for a little while longer as there’s only so much you can get out of having him around.

Overall Rating: C+. Two long and entertaining matches are more than enough to carry this show as we flash back to the glory days of Smackdown for a week. The Iron Man match has some serious potential as they’ll have time to do whatever they want, which is often lacking around here. Throw in booking Eddie vs. Cena a week in advance and it’s almost like they’re thinking ahead for once. This was a fun show and, stupid parts aside, gives me hope that Smackdown might be on its way back up.

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WWE Unreleased 1986-1995 DVD: All I Could Ever Ask For

WWE Unreleased 1986-1995 DVD
Hosts: Sean Mooney, Charly Caruso

This isn’t something I do very often but every now and then I see a collection like this that is so far up my alley that I can’t help it. The name of the set sums it up as well as possible: it’s a nearly nine hour collection of dark matches and other unreleased material from 1986-1995, which could include some incredibly interesting stuff. Let’s get to it.

Caruso welcomes us to the set and adds a grand total of nothing. Wait this is just an intro for the set? Do all DVDs think I’m stupid enough to not be able to hit PLAY?

Note that there won’t be commentary on most of these matches as they’re mainly dark matches which were taped just in case of something like this.

Another note: the front of the DVD says 1986-1995 but the back says 1985-1996. Come on people. That’s not a knock on them. I just want to get on with the show.

Disc 1

We open with a shot of the WWE tape vault. I…..hang on I need a minute here. It’s just so darn beautiful. Seriously, I’d pay good money to be allowed to just look through that place, let alone touch/look at anything.

Caruso goes through the room (With a box labeled Boston 87-88. Good grief that makes me all tingly. Just imagine the stuff they have hidden in there. It must be enough to fill….probably a three disc set just on 1986-1995 alone. Well played WWE.) and finds a wild Sean Mooney. Sean introduces our first match by explaining the Machines, saying the identity are still a mystery to this day. Oh yeah I’m going to love the heck out of this.

Machines vs. Bobby Heenan/Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy
Date: September 16, 1986
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,000

Dark match at the end of a Superstars taping. So the Machines are this “Japanese” team of masked men, consisting of Big Machine (Blackjack Mulligan), Super Machine (Bill Eadie, better known as Ax from Demolition) and usually a random third partner, in this case Hulk Machine (Sterling Golden). They wrestled almost exclusively against Heenan and company with the third partner being the high point of the whole thing.

It’s a brawl to start and Hulk slams Studd to clear the ring (which would earn him $15,000 thanks to a challenge laid out by Studd and Heenan). Bundy and Super officially get things going and it’s so strange to watch this with no commentary. Studd comes in for a big elbow but gets dropped by three straight clotheslines. Hulk chases Heenan away and it’s off to Big vs. Bundy.

That goes badly for Bundy and it gets even worse when Hulk comes in for the showdown. I mean, it’s not like there’s any history here as Hulk Machine is a newcomer around here. A slam drops Bundy and another drops Studd (including another slam for another $15,000) and it’s back to Super for a slam of his own with Heenan failing to make a save. Big finally charges into a boot in the corner and Heenan actually comes in for some forearms in the corner.

As you might expect, that earns him a heck of a bump over the corner and a quick tag (with Heenan laying face first on the apron) to Bundy. A bearhug keeps Big in trouble and Studd even adds a top rope forearm to the back. Heenan’s cheap shots draw Hulk in so Studd can choke away in the corner. You would think wrestlers would get that through their head one day but it hasn’t happened yet. Bundy’s Avalanche crushes Big in the corner but Bundy celebrates too long, allowing Hulk to switch places. Heenan comes in and it’s the big boot for the pin at 9:35. The pin was on Heenan in case you’re kind of stupid.

Rating: C. Oh yeah I’m going to have a good time with this. That ending was perfect for something like this as the fans get to see Heenan take a quick beating while Hulk (whatever his last name is) gets to look good. These six man tags are perfectly fine and a great way to send the fans home happy. Fun match and that’s all something like this is supposed to be.

Hulk pulls the mask up to reveal…..eh some Scooby Doo villain.

Randy Savage vs. Pedro Morales
Date: October 28, 1986
Location: Broome County Arena, Binghamton, New York
Attendance: 6,400

Savage’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. This is a dark match at a Superstars taping and apparently the first time the Superstars banners hung in the rafters. We hit the stall button to start as Savage hits the floor to yell at fans until Pedro sends him into the barricade. Back in and a should gives Pedro one but Savage bails again. A shot to the throat drops Savage again as Morales certainly isn’t your standard good guy with this offense. Savage works on the arm but gets flipped over for his efforts.

That means the third time to the floor where Savage has to yell at Liz to stay in the corner. Back in and we go further into Memphis as Savage uses a phantom foreign object to rake the eyes. Pedro is back with some flowers (for Liz) to the face but Savage throws him hard out to the floor. Savage is right after him with a top rope ax handle and Pedro is in trouble in a hurry. Back in a Savage dives into a left hand as this is starting to drag. Pedro slugs away but gets tripped, allowing Savage to throw his feet on the ropes for the pin at 7:47. It would have been nice if Morales was actually trying to kick out.

Rating: D. Ok so they’re not all going to be winners. This was slow paced and not much of an improvement over the norm for Pedro at this point. He was WAY past his prime and you could tell that Savage was having to slow things down to let him keep up. Still though, a slowed down Savage was still better than almost anyone else. Bad match though.

Paul Orndorff/Harley Race vs. Roddy Piper/Hulk Hogan
Date: December 9, 1986
Location: Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Phoenix, ArizonaAttendance: 15,200

I’m not sure on the date here as the DVD says December 9, but every other source I can find says December 10 (in Tuscon, Arizona). Also, the December 9 show is listed as a Superstars taping and you can see the Wrestling Challenge (December 10) banners in the rafters. Then again it’s not that hard to make a mistake with something like this. Also it’s not like it matters because HOGAN AND PIPER ARE ON THE SAME TEAM???? I’m not sure I know how to handle something like this.

It’s a brawl to start with Hogan and Piper (gulp) clearing the ring. Thankfully they do look at each other rather uncertainly until Orndorff jumps Piper to start things off. Hogan headbutts Paul and Piper throws him into Hulk’s boot before it’s off to Race. The fans are rather pleased at the idea of Hogan beating Harley up but also like Piper coming back in to work on the arm.

A hammerlock slam keeps Race in trouble and Hogan drops the arm over the rope. Piper comes back in and kicks away at Race’s shoulder but gets taken into the corner for some headbutts. Orndorff comes in for a top rope elbow but Piper sunset flips him for two more. Race misses the falling headbutt though and it’s Hulk (not Machine of course) time. The big boot drops Race but there’s no count. Back up and the legdrop looks to finish but Heenan comes in for the DQ at 6:23.

Rating: C. What am I even supposed to say about this? A match like this would be a blast and there’s nothing wrong with that, though I’m not sure why Hogan couldn’t get a pin here. This would be like Cena and Punk five years ago and those matches were fun too. That being said, has Harley Race ever not looked like he was in his early 60s? He’s 43 here and looks the same as he always did. I’m not sure if that’s good or not but it’s always been the case.

Hogan and Piper even do a big handshake after the match. I don’t know where my life is anywhere.

Dingo Warrior vs. Jose Estrada
Date: June 23, 1987
Location: Market Square Arena, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 10,555

I’m sorry what now? This is the Dingo (as in Ultimate) Warrior’s third match with the company, having debuted less than a week ago. He looks the same but is billed from Queens, New York and even starts with a leapfrog into an armdrag. Dang it someone get my medicine. I mean, it leads into a bad armbar but sweet goodness what have I stumbled into?

Estrada rakes the eyes and slugs away at the face and ribs to shocking success. We hit the neck crank and a chinlock (with a near fall actually) as this isn’t exactly the kind of match you would EVER expect from Warrior. One of the worst chinlocks I’ve ever seen (note the gap between the arm and Warrior’s chin) brings Warrior back to life. A gorilla press brings the fans back the same way but it’s back to the armbar as Warrior clearly has no idea how to string stuff together.

Back up and Estrada misses a charge….and is armdragged into an armbar for the THIRD time in about four minutes. Since it was just an armbar (or a lot of armbars), Estrada is back up and choking in the corner until Warrior makes the most standard comeback ever. An atomic drop sets up a Randy Savage style clothesline to put Estrada away at 6:13.

Rating: F+. That’s partially just for my head spinning at Warrior being announced from Queens. This was TERRIBLE as Warrior looked like he had no idea what he was doing out there, meaning the version we got was the IMPROVED version. It’s like he had all of two month’s worth of training and was given this weird gimmick (As Vince said: “What is a dingo warrior?”) because he was in great shape. Absolutely terrible match, but not even the fun kind of terrible. It certainly felt like something special though and that’s the entire point of this set so well done on that front.

Back in the vault, Charly and Sean talk about the Mega Powers. Charly talks about them forming on Saturday Night’s Main Event and Sean asks if she remembers the time when Hogan came out to save Savage from a 3-1 beatdown at the hands of Honky Tonk Man and the Hart Foundation. Ok so they’re talking about THE EXACT SAME NIGHT but points for trying something.

Mega Powers vs. Hart Foundation/Honky Tonk Man
Date: January 5, 1988
Location: Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Attendance: 8,500

No bell for this one as we start with Hogan and Neidhart (what an odd visual) shoving each other. Hogan avoids a charge and hits a running clothesline in the corner. He grabs Neidhart by the beard (THAT’S TOO FAR!) and hands it off to Savage for the elbows to the head. Neidhart takes Savage into the corner but Bret comes in and gets armbarred right back down. Bret’s hard clothesline takes over though and he gets two off the backbreaker. Honky Tonk misses the fist drop though and the hot tag brings in Hogan. House is cleaned in a hurry and the legdrop finishes Honky Tonk at 5:17.

Rating: D+. I would question how much there could be from a match where the Mega Powers barely broke a sweat but IT’S THE MEGA POWERS. It would have been weirder had this been a competitive match, even if the heel team was as talented as this one was. Hogan and Savage are one of those legendary teams and there’s no reason that this should have been anything but quick and mostly one sided.

Hogan gets Savage to pose and Randy looks almost confused by the fans’ reactions.

Owen Hart vs. Barry Horowitz
Date: March 8, 1988
Location: Viking Hall, Bristol, Tennessee

This is Owen’s tryout match. I watched these two in a match from later in the year when Owen was the Blue Angel so there’s a lot of potential here. Owen flips out of a wristlock to start and does that springboard into a hiptoss of his. Back up and Owen moonsaults over him, followed by a running dropkick into the corner. A middle rope knee gets a slow two as Owen is just crazy ahead of his time here.

An armbar slows things down but Barry is back up with a knee to the ribs and some choking. Barry drops a standing legdrop for two more but Owen backflips up and scores with a suicide dive (unheard of at this point). A slingshot stomp to the face (unheard of today too) has Barry in more trouble and a spinning high crossbody gets two back inside. Owen hits his belly to belly and a CRAZY long Swan Dive (I’ve never even seen Benoit hit one that far) for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: C+. It’s a bit sloppy at times but WOW this was amazing stuff for 1988. Considering that we were in the era where a high crossbody was a big deal, Owen hitting those crazy dives and slingshots was almost unthinkable. This belonged in a cruiserweight match on Nitro or something and he’s doing it before Wrestlemania IV. Owen would be hired pretty soon after this and that really shouldn’t be a surprised whatsoever.

WWF World Title: Andre the Giant vs. Randy Savage
Date: April 21, 1988
Location: New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, Connecticut
Attendance: 12,000

Andre is challenging of course and seems to crack Heenan up during the entrances. Another dark match main event and another match that I saw recently on the same show as Owen vs. Horowitz. For some reason Heenan goes after Liz, earning him a very early chase. Back in and Savage gets thrown down off a lockup before Andre hammers away in the corner. Andre sits on him for good measure as the fans chant for Hogan. They settle for Andre cranking on the arms instead as Liz gets on the apron. Andre goes after her though and that’s enough for Savage to use a chair for the DQ at 3:21.

Rating: F. This was a glorified segment and really didn’t need to be here. They’ve had good matches before (like the one I mentioned) so they would have been better off just cutting this one. There’s only so much you can do with Andre but Savage has proven that he’s capable of hanging in there with him so this felt more like a time issue than anything else.

Tag Team Titles; Demolition vs. Powers of Pain
Date: June 21, 1988
Location: Civic Center, Glenn’s Falls, New York
Attendance: 6,000

Demolition is defending. This is supposed to be a dream match but I’m really not seeing it. The Powers are substituting for Strike Force and therefore have Tito Santana in their corner. It’s a brawl to start while the music is still playing and Demolition is knocked outside. Ax wants time out and I NEED Monsoon to say there are no time outs in the sport of professional wrestling.

We pause for a good bit until Demolition is ready to go with Ax and Warlord starting it off. Actually hang on for some more stalling as the brawl is the only contact two minutes in. The staring continues as the other two get in as well. Three minutes in now and STILL no lock up. They lock up at a ridiculous three minutes and forty two seconds in (Larry Zbyszko is somewhere calling them amateurs) and it’s Ax losing a battle of the shoulder blocks.

Even more stalling leads to Ax getting in some forearms, only to be knocked out to the floor. Barbarian and Smash come in for some stalling but a test of strength is denied. Barbarian FINALLY picks up the pace with some right hands and a running headbutt as everything breaks down. The champs are sent into each other and manager Mr. Fuji gets decked. That’s enough for Demolition, who walks out for the countout at 7:15.

Rating: F-. Holy sweet merciful chicken sandwiches with meatballs and a cold Sprite this was a waste of time. I’m still not sure who looked at the Powers of Pain and thought they should be faces (though the same could be said about Demolition) but egads this was horrible. Thankfully they were turned heel in a few months but this was easily the worst thing on the set so far. Why did this even warrant inclusion?

Back to the vault where they’ve both found a tape to watch. Sean has Wrestlemania V (please, I’ve suffered enough) but Charly has a tape from April 4, 1989 (two days after Wrestlemania V). She wants to watch the whole thing while Sean wants to know why these weren’t Coliseum Video exclusives.

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd
Date: April 4, 1989
Location: Civic Center, Glenn’s Falls, New York

The WEASEL chants are out in strong form tonight. Andre chokes him into the corner to start but Studd slugs away without much effort. We’re in the bearhug less than a minute in as I’m longing for Wrestlemania I. Some shots to the ribs almost put Andre down but a headbutt staggers Studd.

We hit the standing nerve hold as this is firmly in slow motion so far (not exactly shocking). More slugging leads to Andre choking with the singlet until he goes head first into Studd’s knee. I’m guessing that’s what they were going for at Wrestlemania when Andre suddenly went down despite Jake Roberts not really hitting him. Studd hammers away until Heenan comes in for the DQ at 7:46.

Rating: D-. Well what else were you expecting here? There was almost no way this was going to be good but you kind of have to know that’s the case coming in. Studd wouldn’t be around much longer and really, I’m not sure what else people were expecting him to do other than a weak feud with Andre. Terrible match here but Andre was a shell of the shell that he was earlier in the 80s.

Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior
Date: April 4, 1989
Location: Civic Center, Glenn’s Falls, New York

Same show as the previous match and Savage already has Sherri with him. Savage jumps Warrior (looking weird in black boots) but gets knocked to the floor and punched in the face for his efforts. Warrior gorilla presses him back in and ties Savage in the Tree of Woe (a spot you don’t often see in this era) for some stomping. A charge misses though and Warrior gets kneed out to the floor in a heap.

Back in and we hit the chinlock as the fans are all over Sherri. A double ax gives Savage two but Warrior punches him into the corner. Cue new Intercontinental Champion Rick Rude to annoy Warrior (possibly by holding the title upside down) as Warrior gets two off an atomic drop. The Warrior Splash hits knees (possibly because Warrior aimed for them) but it’s time to shake the ropes. The real comeback is on but Warrior goes after Rude and it’s a countout at 7:10.

Rating: C-. After everything else we’ve been sitting through, this was a minor miracle. Warrior was nowhere near capable of going toe to toe with Savage (then again almost no one ever was) so Randy was helping him along here. Both guys are protected by the finish too and this was about as good as Warrior was going to get in this circumstance around this time.

Warrior comes back with the stolen Intercontinental Title to clean house.

Ted DiBiase vs. Dusty Rhodes
Date: June 6, 1989
Location: Dane County Coliseum, Madison, Wisconsin

Dusty has been in the company for all of a week at this point. Before the match, DiBiase offers Dusty money so that he won’t have his career ended like Jake the Snake (Jake was out with a back injury attributed to DiBiase in a move you don’t see enough anymore). Dusty punches him in the face though and Ted (looking weird with no wrist tape) drops the money, which Dusty gives to the fans (though a lot of it falls on the floor).

Back in and Dusty punches him out to the floor again, only to have an atomic drop send Ted outside for a third time. If nothing else that gives us DiBiase’s great fall over the top, which I’ve always been a huge fan of. Dusty rams Ted and Virgil’s heads together and it’s time to dance, drawing a VERY solid reaction from the northern crowd.

DiBiase takes him down and hits a middle rope elbow, followed by those sweet falling punches. Dusty won’t stand for this being sent into the corner jazz but DiBiase elbows him down into a chinlock instead. Back up and Dusty punches him out of the air, followed by an elbow out to the floor. A suplex brings Ted back in but Virgil trips Dusty to give DiBiase the pin at 10:00.

Rating: C+. This was interesting in a couple of ways. First of all, it shows how big a star Dusty really was. Having not been a regular north of the Carolinas for YEARS, he came off like a total star here with the fans treating him like a huge deal. It shows you that star power and charisma (which Dusty had in spades) will always shine through, which is a great lesson to learn. Also, assuming what I’ve seen elsewhere is true, the loss was to show that Rhodes was willing to put people over, which was a major fear for the WWF roster. Thankfully he was smart enough to just be a talent, which still had a lot of value.

Finally, and easily my favorite, I love watching DiBiase move in a ring. I know he’s best known for his talking and character work but there was a certain smoothness to him in the ring that few others have. Any flip or landing looked perfect and it was a signature style of his that I don’t remember anyone else having. I always liked it and DiBiase looked like a really skilled guy out there, which is overlooked far too often.

Dusty cleans house post match to some hearty applause.

King Duggan/Hillbilly Jim vs. Haku/Andre the Giant
Date: July 19, 1989
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York

What a gloriously odd combination. Duggan took the King’s Crown from Haku about two months prior. No contact for the first minute. Make that a minute and a half. Two minutes now as we establish that Duggan’s 2×4 and Hillbilly’s horseshoe are on the floor. They FINALLY start slugging it out over two minutes in with Duggan hammering Andre and Hillbilly choking Haku in the corner.

The USA chants get stronger and stronger as the good guys take over, only to have Andre impose his Andreness on Duggan to take over. Andre crushes Duggan in the corner and it’s off to Haku to work on the neck. A dropkick misses though and Duggan slugs away before ramming Haku and Andre’s heads together for a double knockdown. Hillbilly comes in for two off a shoulder but gets caught with something that looked low.

Andre charges into a pair of knees in the corner but Duggan gets punched down without much effort. Haku tries a sunset flip but lands on Duggan’s back, seemingly injuring Jim’s knee in the process. It’s quickly off to Hillbilly, who gets caught by a certain French giant. Andre holds the arms but Hillbilly avoids Haku’s superkick (ala Wrestlemania VI), allowing Duggan to hit a pair of three point clotheslines for the pin on Haku at 9:12.

Rating: C-. Well that was….something. I love these random matches that you might see on an old Coliseum Video and this is a great example of why. There’s no reason for this match to be taking place but here it is, in all its glory. The Jim’s were fine for a midcard team like this though I don’t think they ever teamed on TV. Fine enough, though they did just beat a team who would be Tag Team Champions by the end of the year.

Charly and Sean are going through a box labeled 89-90 tryouts. We see Sean’s tryout tape (from 1988 but close enough) and it’s nothing special whatsoever.

Bryan Adams vs. Barry Horowitz
Date: August 9, 1989
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,000

Crush looks weird here with a beard and worse hair than usual, though you can tell he’s a powerhouse. Barry gets shoved outside to start, followed by a dropkick to put him out there again. Back in and Barry bounces off of him before getting caught in a bearhug. Barry slips out and gets in some offense, including a gutwrench suplex for two with Adams powering out on the kickout. A delayed vertical suplex (which he made look easy) plants Horowitz and a Tombstone is good for the pin at 5:34.

Rating: D. You can see two things here. First of all, it’s EASY to see why Adams kept a job for so long as he looked like a monster with a great build and general presence to him. However, the other thing you can see is how lame he was in the ring. There was almost nothing noteworthy about his abilities and that’s only going to get you so far. Of course this is the WWF and the look alone is going to get you a few feet in the door.

Earthquake Evans vs. Paul Roma
Date: September 20, 1989
Location: Louisville Gardens, Louisville, Kentucky

This is the debut for the Earthquake name as he had actually wrestled two dark matches under the name John Tenta back in March. He’s a lumberjack here (what an odd look) and has Slick in his corner. Roma is kind of a jerk (but don’t worry because Bret Hart said he could have been the greatest jerk of all time) but Crank It Up was such a sweet theme song.

Evans, in a lumberjack shirt and black pants, shoves him down without much effort and shrugs off some right hands. Roma actually does take him down with an armdrag into an armbar but his crossbody is countered into a backbreaker. A bearhug doesn’t go very far so Earthquake slowly works him over in the corner. Earthquake misses a charge though and Roma scores with three straight middle/top rope forearms to the head. A VERY high dropkick actually puts the big man down but Roma misses a crossbody. Earthquake drops a big elbow for the pin at 6:57.

Rating: D-. Really slow here but you could see the potential in Earthquake. Once they got him out of the lumberjack look and made him look like a monster instead of a guy filling in time during the off season, things would get a lot better. He was headlining Summerslam against Hogan less than a year later so they certainly did something right. Not a good match of course as it needed to be cut in half and with far less offense from Roma.

Powers of Pain vs. Rockers
Date: January 22, 1990
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,063

This is the day after the Royal Rumble and I’m not sure why this warrants inclusion. Shawn and Barbarian start things off and you can imagine how far Shawn is pushed away off the lockup. Everything breaks down in a hurry and it’s double superkicks and clotheslines to put the Powers on the floor. We settle down (and change corners for some reason) to Marty vs. Warlord with Jannetty having to keep things fast. A blind tag…..doesn’t keep Shawn in very long as it’s almost immediately back to Marty.

Maybe Shawn should have stayed in as a good looking powerbomb plants Jannetty for two. One heck of a launch into a face first crash gives Warlord the same and Barbarian boots him outside. The Powers trade places and Shawn is about to deck the ref (I mean, it’s a Hebner so maybe the threat stuck all the way to Montreal). Marty shrugs off some right hands but dives into a good looking powerslam. Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow though and the hot tag brings in Shawn. Everything breaks down again until Fuji trips Shawn for the DQ at 7:54.

Rating: C. Pretty standard power vs. speed match and there’s always room for something like that. Marty played a good Ricky Morton here, which he often did over the team’s run. The Powers of Pain would split soon as there was just no need for them with Demolition and the soon to arrive Legion of Doom.

The beating continues post match with Marty taking something like a super Hart Attack. With Shawn down, HULK HOGAN of all people makes the save. Well that’s why this was included and I can certainly understand why. Other than nearly killing the Rockers when he was looking for Randy Savage at Main Event II, I couldn’t imagine Hogan lowering himself to their level at this point.

Tag Team Titles: Colossal Connection vs. Demolition
Date: January 23, 1990
Location: Civic Center, Fort Myers, Florida
Attendance: 5,000

Andre and Haku are defending in what must be an early Wrestlemania dry run. On a side note, assuming what I’ve seen is true, this is the same show where Scott Hall made his company debut yet we’re seeing this instead. How odd indeed. Or maybe that wasn’t filmed, which is always a possibility. Haku and Smash start things off with Smash getting pummeled in the corner (not quite clubberin but it’s close).

The ax handles get Smash out of trouble and a tag with the referee not paying the slightest bit of attention brings Ax in. We’re in an early chinlock from Ax, followed by a neck crank from Smash. Haku finally fights up and brings in the much bigger man to stand on Smash’s chest. Smash does manage to get in a shot to the ribs though and Demolition manages to hammer Andre down.

Andre opts to grab Ax’s face to take over though and the champs get him down in the corner. We hit the choke with the singlet, followed by the worst looking shoulders in the corner I’ve ever seen. I mean Andre’s shoulders are a good foot from Ax’s ribs, though thankfully he’s barely selling them. Haku charges into an elbow and the hot tag brings in Smash (quite the reaction too) as everything breaks down. A double clothesline drops Andre and Demolition stupidly hits him with the titles for the DQ at 8:04.

Rating: D. Demolition looked really dumb here and that’s not exactly their style. That’s something you would expect more out of a Hogan match and I mean that as a rather strong insult. The Connection not being the most thrilling team in the world didn’t help things either and Andre was looking especially lumbering out there.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage
Date: January 23, 1990
Location: Civic Center, Fort Myers, Florida
Attendance: 5,000

Savage (now the King) is challenging of course but FAR more interesting is the fact that this is raw footage, meaning there’s one angle for the entire match (only from the hard camera), complete with a time counter on the bottom of the screen. That certainly makes this feel unique, which is the entire point of something like this.

Sherri’s early distraction lets Savage knee Warrior to the floor but again the high crossbody is pulled out of the air. Warrior stomps away in the Tree of Woe, followed by a backslide of all things for two. A backdrop gives us Savage’s sweet looking bump to the floor but Sherri gets in some eye raking for a breather. Savage is right back with a top rope ax handle for two, only to miss a crossbody and fall out to the floor.

Warrior can’t even get back up though and it’s the big elbow for two. The loaded purse gets the same and NOW the kickout gets a good reaction. Warrior Warriors Up and some clotheslines have Savage tied up in the ropes. A missed charge sends Warrior to the floor though with Savage following for the double countout at 8:14 (even though Warrior was ON HIS FEET IN THE RING when the referee counted ten).

Rating: B-. They were really starting to figure each other out at this point and that made for much better matches. I know Warrior wasn’t exactly an in-ring star but to go from where he was in 1987 to where he is here is absolutely remarkable. He was a lumbering oaf back in the day and now he’s a lumbering oaf having some snappy matches. Things would get even better in about fourteen months when these two had a masterpiece at Wrestlemania VII but for the time, this was very surprisingly good stuff.

Disc 2

Sean and Charly talk about how fun this has been with Sean mentioning Alfred Hayes’ God Save the Queen party back in the day. They drop a tape (giving us a shot of an Ultimate Warrior Wrestling Buddy for some serious points) as Charly asks Sean why he’s here. Sean ducks the question and pulls out Wrestlemania VI. Charly says she was in daycare during that show and we see a clip of Mary Tyler Moore at Wrestlemania. Sean: “After that, I really felt like I made it after all.”. Charly: “I don’t get it.”. I don’t care how well she’s rocking the jeans she has on in this thing. That is unacceptable.

Earthquake vs. Hulk Hogan
Date: April 3, 1990
Location: Onondoga War Memorial, Syracuse, New York

Two days after Wrestlemania VI here so Hogan is actually on a losing streak. Earthquake (now in his signature gear) jumps Hogan to little avail as some right hands have the big man in trouble. Some running shots can’t drop Earthquake but a jumping knee gets him half down.

Hogan makes the mistake of going after Jimmy Hart though, allowing Earthquake to post him and take over. Some splashes in the corner and a backbreaker have Hart rather elated and a bearhug looks to make it even worse. It also makes me a bit sleepy as it stays on for a very long time, though it’s hard to complain about a dark match like this. The Earthquake gets two and Hogan makes the comeback to finish with the usual at 7:36.

Rating: C. It’s really pretty easy to see why these two made so much money together. Earthquake was big enough to look like a credible monster and you know Hogan knows EXACTLY what to do with someone like that. Throw in Earthquake putting him on the shelf for most of the summer and this was made of money. We weren’t quite there yet but there was a lot of gas left in Hogan’s tank, especially for something like this.

Posing ensues.

Big Boss Man vs. Ted DiBiase
Date: April 3, 1990
Location: Onondoga War Memorial, Syracuse, New York

Same show as the previous match and a match that was set up at Wrestlemania. DiBiase jumps him at the bell but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. The fast punches in the corner (Boss Man was great at those) look to set up a running splash but Virgil trips him up. Ted knocks Boss Man outside where the most livid kids I’ve ever seen yell at DiBiase with reckless abandon. Seriously, they impressed me.

Back in and the falling punch gives Ted two. It works so well that they do it again and Boss Man does his drunken selling (not a bad thing). A double clothesline puts both guys down, followed by Boss Man punching him out of the air. DiBiase gets backdropped to give us a good looking flip and a spinebuster draws Virgil in for the DQ at 4:13.

Rating: D+. No time to do much here but it’s more than anything we got on TV out of this. You would think this would be another layup of a match with Boss Man being able to play a blue collar guy against DiBiase’s money but for some reason it seemed to be a one off idea that was dropped without too much followup. Nothing to this one but it was fun for a bit.

The double teaming is on post match but Boss Man fights back and handcuffs Virgil.

Rick Rude/Mr. Perfect vs. Ultimate Warrior/Kerry Von Erich
Date: August 8, 1990
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 15,000

These would both be matches in about two and a half weeks at Summerslam. Warrior only has his cheek painted here and it’s a really weird look. The stall button is stuck again as a minute goes by before the heels get in the ring. Perfect gets in after about a minute and a half. Warrior and Perfect start but it’s quickly off to Von Erich for some hard right hands in the corner.

The fans are WAY into Kerry here, which really isn’t surprising given his crazy levels of charisma. The villains are sent outside and rammed into each other, meaning it’s time for a meeting. Back in and more right hands rock Perfect, including one to turn him inside out. Rude comes in and gets to face Warrior, meaning it’s time to hit the backpedal in a hurry.

It’s back to Von Erich for the Tornado Punch (seemingly not yet a finisher) and more right hands until Perfect knees him in the back. The necksnap keeps Tornado in trouble and it’s time to work on the leg, including a toehold on the phantom foot, which HAS to be a rib. Rude gets in some right hands and it’s straight back to Perfect for a chinlock.

You can hear Heenan’s instructions very plainly here and it actually adds a lot to the match, especially due to the lack of commentary. They don’t listen very well though and it’s Perfect dropkicking Rude by mistake, setting up the hot tag to Warrior. House is cleaned in a hurry and the Warrior Splash ends Perfect at 11:51.

Rating: C+. If there is a more fun match based on the participants involved alone, I can’t wait to see it. This was a ton of fun with the fans loving what they were seeing and Warrior having the manic energy to really carry things. Von Erich was a fresh addition too and when you have a perfect heel team like Rude and Perfect, what more can you ask for?

Legion of Doom vs. Demolition
Date: October 30, 1990
Location: Allen County Coliseum, Fort Wayne, Indianapolis

Well this works. For some reason they never actually had this one on TV, which makes little sense given how perfect it could have been. At least do it on a big house show and air it on Prime Time or something. Demolition is wrestling in masks here and has more sinister music, making them look like a bunch of generic jobbers.

LOD starts in on Crush’s arm until Animal throws him over the top. Smash (I think) gets in a cheap shot on the floor though and it’s Crush taking over back inside. The Decapitator is broken up and it’s back to Hawk to clean house with his variety of clotheslines. The top rope version pins Smash at 2:28. Well that was nothing.

War Eagle vs. Dale Wolfe
Date: January 8, 1991
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee

It’s another one with the time counter on the screen. War Eagle is better known as Tatanka and for some reason he comes out to the old Young Stallions’ song Crank It Up, which doesn’t fit whatsoever with the war dance around the ring. What does fit is his crazy awesome physique which is up there with Lex Luger’s.

Wolfe bails to the floor to start before coming back in, only to get armdragged outside again. That means a walk up the aisle until Wolfe comes back in to get his arm cranked. Wolfe fights back and grabs a chinlock, which goes as well as you would expect. We hit the war dance before some chops, followed by the Samoan drop to give Eagle the pin (with the camera zooming in on the crowd during the count for no apparent reason) at 4:56.

Rating: D-. Pretty bad match here as Eagle didn’t have the fire in his comeback but it’s easy to see why they kept at it with him based on the physique alone. For some reason it took him the better part of forever to get onto the actual shows but once he got there, he had a very nice midcard career for himself.

Charly finds Rick Martel’s “Yes I Am A Model” button on top of a tape of a blindfold match from two months before Wrestlemania VII. We recap the story of Martel blinding Jake Roberts with his Arrogance cologne to set up their match at Wrestlemania, which saw them both wearing hoods (including a hole you could see through).

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel
Date: January 29, 1991
Location: Savannah Civic Center, Savannah, Georgia

This is a blindfold match and seems to be a practice match for their disaster at Wrestlemania VII. The bell rings before they put the blindfolds on so we get a good bit of stalling. After a minute of waiting to put them on, the bell rings again because this whole time thing is confusing.

Just like at Wrestlemania, Jake uses the crowd to help him find Martel and we get some early stumbling around without any significant contact. Martel gets him down and chokes away, only to miss a backdrop attempt as Jake runs by him. Things reset again and Martel goes to the floor for no apparent reason. A touch of the snake bag freaks Rick out but he finally manages to pull Jake outside for a ram into the apron.

That works fine….and then Martel loses him. Instead he finds a chair and pokes at nothing with it, eventually backing into and hitting the post with said chair (same spot from Wrestlemania). Speaking of Wrestlemania, can we watch that instead? It’s actually better than this mess.

Martel finally gets back in as we’re somehow SEVEN MINUTES into this. They bump into each other with Martel getting in some right hands and a slam before missing an elbow drop (see also: Wrestlemania VII). Martel finally gives up and takes the hood off to knock Roberts into the ropes. Arrogance is loaded up but Martel gets caught with the DDT for the pin at 8:44.

Rating: F. It was stupid at Wrestlemania and this was even worse without Bobby Heenan making a mockery of the thing (Heenan: “Excuse me. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!”). This wasn’t even a match as Jake hit a single move the whole time and Martel might have hit seven (if you count three right hands as three). This would have been a better inclusion if we hadn’t seen it before in a somehow better version.

Ted DiBiase vs. Sid Justice
Date: July 8, 1991
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 8,500

What in the holy sweet name of donuts and red Gatorade is this? Actually this would be Sid’s WWF in-ring debut as he had left WCW less than two months earlier. Sherri offers an early distraction so DiBiase can get in a cheap shot, only to get dropped by a chokeslam. The screeching is on early as Sid knocks him outside and an atomic drop does it again, this time with one of those great DiBiase bumps.

DiBiase tries to brawl on the floor and is quickly posted as you might expect. Sherri offers a distraction though, allowing Ted to get in a loaded purse shot…which doesn’t even drop Sid off his feet. Some right hands give DiBiase two with the power kickout scaring the heck out of Sherri. That falling middle rope elbow misses though (as always) and Sid scores with a Stinger Splash. The powerbomb ends Ted at 5:41.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing that got Sid so over: sure he’s horrible in the ring and no he can’t work a match to save his life but he has that pure, raw charisma and fans are going to gravitate to that every single time. That’s what he did here and the fans were into him, even in a promotion he had never worked in before. That’s impressive and the match worked as a result. Well that and having DiBiase in there too.

Undertaker vs. Ultimate Warrior
Date: August 19, 1991
Location: War Memorial, Rochester, New York

Casket match, which was a brand new concept at the time. Back in April, Undertaker had sealed Warrior inside a casket, which eventually lead to Jake Roberts teaming up with Undertaker. The Warrior vs. Roberts feud never happened as Warrior was released from the company about a week after this, but the build was excellent and gave us Undertaker’s face turn soon after this.

Warrior slugs away on the floor to start and knocks Undertaker into the steps, which barely registers any response. They get inside where Warrior is cut off with a clothesline and a running boot in the corner. A slam has no effect on Undertaker so Warrior tries his running clotheslines instead.

Undertaker uppercuts him down and hits the safest Tombstone of all time to knock Warrior lukewarm. Choking won’t get Warrior in the casket as it revives him instead. How exactly did that guy work anyway? Undertaker finally gets him in but, after waiting the better part of thirty seconds with his hand on the lid, can’t shut the thing. Instead, Warrior steals the urn and clocks Undertaker, setting up the win at 5:39.

Rating: D+. There’s a reason this idea has been around for so many years. It might not be the most complicated thing in the world but it’s a perfect way to keep someone protected while also giving the winner a victory. Undertaker would of course be fine as losing a dark match isn’t going to hurt anyone. Bad match of course, but the fans were WAY into the near finishes.

Warrior leaves and Undertaker pops out of the casket, making the zombie look feel all the stronger.

Ric Flair vs. Roddy Piper
Date: October 1, 1991
Location: Huntington Civic Center, Huntington, West Virginia

Another dark match at a Prime Time taping with the time code included. They had been trading insults on TV in recent weeks so the crowd should be hot here. Flair even has the uncensored Big Gold Belt to really make it feel different. Piper wastes no time in hammering away in the corner and raking Flair’s eyes on the top rope ala Arn Anderson.

They head outside with Flair getting the better of it (that’s an odd one) before losing a chop off back inside. Ric goes to the eyes though (that’s more like it) and now the chops work a bit better. It’s already off to the leg with some kicks and the cannonball but Piper does his best Sting impression when he no sells the chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top (such a stupid Nature Boy) but a classic low blow brings Piper down again. It’s chair time but the ref gets bumped, meaning there’s no count off Piper’s small package.

In the most ridiculous visual I’ve seen in a long time, a second referee comes in, bypasses Piper covering Flair to check on the down referee, and then JUMPS UP to count a pin on Piper when Flair rolls him up at 5:54. There’s no bell though and Piper beats Flair up some more, only to have the referee take the chair away. Flair grabs another rollup to pin Piper again at 6:52. Geez was Piper in trouble or something?

Rating: C. The wrestling worked just fine, which was all you could have expected given how many times these two have fought each other. Their stuff about nine years earlier was excellent and there was no reason to believe this would have been anything else. The ending was ridiculous though and I have no idea why they jobbed Piper twice (more than he had done in most years) in less than a minute. At least tell me the referee was fired for being that biased.

Post match Piper stays on Flair, hitting a few weak chair shots.

Back to Charly and Sean, including a box labeled No Holds Barred: Alt Ending. I laughed. Anyway, Charly finds a taped labeled Mr. Madness, which is a house show only character that Randy Savage did after losing his career at Wrestlemania VII. In other words, it’s the original Juan Cena. This is fallout from the Savage/Liz wedding reception where Jake and Undertaker interrupted with a cobra because they’re real villains.

Mr. Madness vs. Jake Roberts
Date: November 12, 1991
Location: Springfield Civic Center, Springfield, Massachusetts
Attendance: 8,500

Dig that Trust Me entrance music for Jake! Unfortunately Mr. Madness isn’t a costume or anything and is just the same old Savage. You know, because that’s a huge problem. But really, not even a mask or a different outfit or anything. Kind of disappointing really. Savage is all over him to start and elbows Jake (wearing a snake handler’s glove) in the throat, only to get kneed in the ribs.

Some choking on the ropes sets up the snap left hands. The DDT is broken up but Savage is sent outside as the beating continues. Jake gets posted though and Savage hits the top rope ax handle. Savage chairs him down and even though there’s no bell, we’ll say it’s a DQ at 4:32.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here and I was actually disappointed by having Mr. Madness just be the same old Savage. If it’s just a house show, just say that it’s a trial period or something. I don’t get the idea here but it’s not like it really matters. What does matter is how the match was nothing as Savage showed far less fire than usual and got beaten up for a long time before snapping at the end. It makes sense, but their match less than a month later at This Tuesday in Texas was great.

More chair shots send Jake bailing before he can pull out the snake.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair
Date: November 12, 1991
Location: Springfield Civic Center, Springfield, Massachusetts
Attendance: 8,500

Same show as before with Hogan defending, but more importantly this includes the FAKE Big Gold Belt, which is exactly what it sounds like. They were still doing the Real World Champion deal but had lost the NWA World Title so this was something they had made. It was never on TV (the blurred belt was often a Tag Team Title, which looked ridiculous in person) and to the best of my knowledge, there’s only one actual photo of the thing. Oddly enough it looks like a cross between the Big Gold Belt and the AWA World Title, which is quite the visual. Flair also has Mr. Perfect with him.

The crowd is RABID for Hogan here and we hit the early stall button. The only contact in the first two minutes is Flair shoving Hogan away. A second shove gets us to two and a half minutes and Flair won’t lock up. More walking around and WOOing ensues until Hogan draws a line on the mat. Flair crosses it with a headlock and Hogan actually goes down to one knee. A shoulder puts Flair down and it’s time to slow down again, this time with Hogan getting the headlock.

Hogan clotheslines him to the floor and the fans are going nuts for their hero. Back in and Flair says he’s been there twenty four times (not even he could think he has that many World Titles so I’m not sure what that means) but a poke to the eye puts Hogan in trouble. Hogan no sells the chops and fires off right hands in the corner, followed by biting the forehead. In the words of Gorilla Monsoon, perhaps hungry.

The Flair Flip sets up a clothesline off the apron and that’s enough for a walk up the aisle. Ever the champion, Hogan won’t let that happen and drags Flair back inside and is promptly snapmared down for a knee to the head. Flair whips him into the corner but Hogan drops to the mat for some reason (like you would on a regular running the ropes spot), meaning Flair has to jump over him to hit the buckle.

Hogan trips him up from behind and rakes the face to complete a rather strange (yet effective) sequence. Perfect offers a distraction though and it’s time to go after the knee. A good crotching against the post keeps Hogan in trouble and the knee is kicked again. The Figure Four is broken up but since Flair never learns, Hogan breaks it up a second time.

Speaking of never learns, Flair, top rope, slam. Hogan yells at the referee though, allowing Perfect to slip in the foreign object for the knockout shot. The Hulking Up is on but Flair bails outside after the big boot. Hogan follows and gets poked in the eye for his efforts but is still able to send Flair into the steps for the countout win at 14:54.

Rating: B. Heck of a match here but it’s a great example of why Hogan vs. Flair never worked in the WWF. Simply put: no one is going to buy Flair as a threat to win the title. Hogan doesn’t get pinned and he’s never going to give up in the Figure Four, so why should I buy that Flair is going to take the title? Flair was a great character and knows how to get people to care about him, but it was still a culture clash with Flair not being able to do his style of a match (meaning he would need at least half an hour) and never being a real threat. It was a good idea on paper, but practically this was never going to work.

Posing ensues.

And now, a Piper’s Pit from Toledo, Ohio on April 7, 1992 with Piper fresh off losing the Intercontinental Title. Piper brings up losing the title and praises Bret as a great champion. He was about to leave and go mess with his Jetski but the company wanted him back for some Pits. The company is going through some scandals at the moment (whoa) and it’s time to get something positive going.

Tonight, the Pit is going to be based on audience participation. Therefore, whenever the fans think the person is lying, they need to make a barking noise. The first guest: the Brooklyn Brawler with Piper asking fans for questions. First up is why doesn’t Brawler take a bath? Brawler says he’s a millionaire. Piper asks what that’s going to do with taking a bath but Brawler says he’s going TO BE a millionaire.

Brawler won’t look at Piper but eventually says he’ll be the next World Heavyweight Champion. Piper: “I ain’t never seen you win a match.” He’ll do it by not doing what Piper did at Wrestlemania so Brawler grabs the bell (which Piper refused to use against Hart, and if you don’t that, you shouldn’t be here). Violence is threatened so Piper pokes him in the eye and clocks Brawler with the bell instead.

Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog
Date: June 30, 1992
Location: Broome County Arena, Binghamton, New York
Attendance: 4,000

Bret’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and I’m assuming this is a practice match for Summerslam. Well in theory it’s non-title as the title is held up before the match and nothing is said. There’s always a chance that this might have been planned for a home video release and then changed so maybe the announcement would be dubbed in later. A headlock and shoulder block go badly for Bret as he gets knocked all the way outside.

Back in and Bret takes him down with a headlock for a change before a small package gets two. It’s an interesting style here as they’re moving very fast in bursts and then slowing it back down. The movement is very crisp though, as you might expect. Bulldog escapes the headlock and grabs a hammerlock to start in on the arm. Back up and it’s Bret cranking on the arm until Bulldog rolls away (that must be a family thing) and snaps on the armbar all over again. Bret fights up and gets in an atomic drop, followed by the chinlock.

Now it’s Bulldog getting up and trying the crucifix, only to get dropped hard on his back instead. A backslid gets two on Bret and the fans are WAY into these near falls. The middle rope elbow connects and Bulldog has a broken nose. The threat of a Sharpshooter has Bulldog scurrying for the ropes and an enziguri of all things puts Bret on his face. There’s the delayed vertical for two but Bret is right back up with a sleeper to slow things down. Bulldog fights up and it’s a double hiptoss to put both guys on the floor. Bulldog gets back in first but Bret jumps over him and grabs a German suplex for the pin at 14:20.

Rating: B. They weren’t quite up to the Summerslam level but that’s not exactly a fair comparison. These two definitely had chemistry together and it’s almost strange to see Bret get a clean pin on him. It’s also interesting that their famous match is so much different than this one. That shows how talented they are as they had two good matches with different structures while most people can’t even have one of them.

Papa Shango/Kamala vs. Bret Hart/Ultimate Warrior
Date: October 13, 1992
Location: Argidome, Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada

I’d give good money to hear either of these teams just having a conversation about anything. Bret literally won the WWF Title the day before and Warrior is in his weird singlet look here. Warrior and Kamala start with the guy with the painted moons on his stomach (Meaning Kamala. You know, that might actually need some clarification in this case as you never know with Warrior.) bails in fear. Instead he’ll try Bret and has to bail to the ropes to get out of an armbar.

For some reason Bret agrees to a test of strength (Ugandans are known for their Greco Roman Knuckle Locks) and then stomps on Kamala’s bare foot to show off some intelligence. Kamala hands it off to the guy with boots as I continue to be astounded that he’s the future Godfather. Some shoulders give Bret a breather but Kamala hits him in the throat to cut him off again. Shango charges into a knee though and it’s back to Warrior for three clotheslines on Shango, a slam to Kamala and the splash to pin Shango at 7:09.

Rating: D. This would have been bad even by house show main event standards, which is about as low as you can get at this point. Maybe Bret was still jazzed from winning the title or something but this one wasn’t working for me. Then again, what were you expecting with these combinations?

Undertaker vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Date: January 26, 1993
Location: Convention Center, Fresno, California

There’s a timer at the bottom (though a different kind than the previous versions), the quality seems a lot lower and neither guy has an entrance. It’s also hard cam only again, which is always a weird way to watch wrestling. Bigelow waits over a minute before throwing the first punch and gets choked in the corner as a result. You can’t waste time around here like that.

Old School connects but the jumping clothesline misses and Undertaker falls out to the floor. They head outside….and we lose them because we only have the hard cam. Back in and Undertaker misses a charge in the corner, allowing Bigelow to hit a clothesline to the back of the head. A headbutt keeps Undertaker down but the top rope version misses, allowing Undertaker to finish with a chokeslam at 5:25. The fans RUN for the exits as the show is over in a funny visual.

Rating: D. Another weak one here but this wasn’t supposed to be anything other than sending a big name out there to end the long taping session. Undertaker vs. Bigelow is a match that could have been good under the right circumstances and that’s not the case in a five minute match where we couldn’t see part of it. Not good, but that’s not their fault.

A very excited Charly starts making Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle puns because she’s just that awesome. What you are about to see is real and a MAJOR reason why I wanted to see this set.

Toxic Turtles vs. Tommy Stevenson/Ron Preston
Date: March 9, 1993
Location: Augusta Civic Center, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 8,000

That would be Tom and Terry Turtle (Barry Hardy/Duane Gill respectively) and it’s EXACTLY what it sounds like. This lasted one night only for any two of the 19 obvious reasons you’ve thought of so far. The ring announcer makes sure to announce that the jobbers weigh 488lbs combined rather than saying one of the average sized guys weighs that on his own. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Turtles are from Terrytown, Texas. The costumes are TMNT costumes almost to perfection, even down to the masks.

Since you can’t see their faces, we’ll say Raphael starts with Preston and it’s a lot of rolling around while the fans are SILENT. Like even the kids aren’t responding, mainly because TMNT was WAY past its peak at this point. Donatello comes in for a double dropkick and a near fall but gets stuck on his shell and needs assistance getting up. These guys are like the anti-Hunchbacks.

Preston gets his arm worked over and the booing begins. Raphael comes back in for some chops to the head and a headbutt, followed by a slingshot hilo for the pin at 2:19. Stevenson was never in the match and it was crazy weird, but the Turtles fought with honor, and that’s all that matters. This was everything I expected and worse, but my goodness what a cool thing to see, just due to hearing about it for years.

Disc 3

To show you this show’s sense of humor and for you who will get this joke, this disc starts with Sean throwing away a box labeled T. Magee because there’s nothing in it. Again, I laughed. Next up is a box labeled 1993 Post WM 9. This next one might be a little scary.

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez
Date: April 5, 1993
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 7,000

Well yeah it is scary. This is the day after Wrestlemania IX so that box is quite accurate. Also another one with the timer and hard cam only. Again: it’s so strange to have the music playing but not cutting to the entrance, meaning the first time you see Undertaker is as he gets on the apron.

Gonzalez jumps him from behind to start and sends Undertaker into a few buckles. A clothesline sends Undertaker outside and the camera shifts to the side so we can see the brawl. Back in and Gonzalez kicks him in the chest, followed by a clothesline to the floor. Undertaker comes right back with headbutts and uppercuts but Gonzalez steals the urn and clocks Undertaker for the DQ at 3:28.

Rating: F. Yeah there’s really defending Gonzalez as he really is one of the worst of all time. Part of the problem is he’s just so big and there’s not much that can be done with him. When Undertaker can’t do anything with you, you’re to the point where there’s nothing that can be done. This was somehow worse than Wrestlemania, which I didn’t think was possible.

Undertaker sits up and fights Gonzalez to the back. Somehow this kept going until Summerslam.

Smoking Gunns vs. Barry Horowitz/Reno Riggins
Date: April 5, 1993
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 7,000

Same show as the previous match and The Gunns are Kip Winchester (Billy) and Brett Colt (Bart). The Gunns are making their debut here and are virtually the same, save for a few (mostly cosmetic) changes. It’s even the same gear and entrance costumes. The female fans seem VERY pleased when the Gunns take their shirts off.

Billy and Barry start as we’re on the wide shot from the hard camera again. A hiptoss takes Barry down to start and we’re in an early armbar. Bart does the same as to Reno as they’re certainly not shying away from the early arm work. A double Russian legsweep gets two but the referee isn’t pleased with the cheating, allowing Barry and Reno (sounds like a bad Vegas act) to choke Bart in the corner.

Reno grabs an abdominal stretch as the Gunns are giving up a lot more than I would have expected here. A back elbow gives Barry two and it’s back to Reno for a chinlock. Back up and Bart shoulders him down, allowing the hot tag off to Billy. Everything breaks down and Billy cleans house with some dropkicks. A powerslam sets up the top rope bulldog to give Billy the pin at 9:41.

Rating: C-. Not half bad here as the Gunns were clearly good enough to get a job in the near future as a result. The Gunns were actually a pretty good team for their time, even though they were a pretty standard gimmick. That being said, the division was hardly worth anything in the first place so any good team (and the Gunns were one) was going to do well.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect
Date: April 6, 1993
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona

Shawn is defending and the camera doesn’t move again. Perfect wastes no time in slugging away and the fans are right there with him. The running knee lifts knock Shawn into the corner and there’s a whip to send Shawn out to the floor. They brawl on the outside and it’s kind of hard to see what’s going on as they’re opposite the camera.

Back in with Shawn choking on the ropes until a hard right hand knocks him away. Shawn drops him again though and we hit the chinlock. The fans deem it perfect so at least they appreciate good chinlockery. I’m sure Shawn would agree too. Perfect fights up and slams Shawn down by the hair, followed by a toss across the phone by said hair. That’s followed by a crotching against the post and a hard shot to the head gives Perfect two.

The ref gets bumped and Shawn brings in the title, only to have it knocked away. There’s the PerfectPlex and a second referee comes in to count the pin at 6:05. As ring announcer Mike McGuirk declares Perfect “the new champion of the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title”, the first ref waves it off because of the bump and Shawn retains via DQ.

Rating: C. Totally standard match here but the fans were entirely into the whole thing. They probably did this in every city and there’s nothing wrong with that as it gives the fans something fun and it’s not like there’s a ton of ways to know what’s going on at the moment, at least not to the masses. Also, better chemistry here than they had at Summerslam.

Skippy Taylor vs. Tazmaniac
Date: May 5, 1993
Location: Exposition Building, Portland, Maine
Attendance: 2,700

Now this is interesting as we have Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Taz when Taz was basically a caveman. Scotty is from Maine and would likely just be a local job guy at this point. Tazmaniac wristlocks him into a suplex but Taylor flips over his back into a dropkick. A hard headbutt puts Skippy (yes Skippy) down and it’s a Tazplex followed by a chinlock. Back up and Scotty (who is oddly the bigger guy here) gets suplexed again and we hit a neck crank. A sunset flip gives Taylor two and Taz goes up (Huh?), only to dive into a right hand to the ribs. Not that it matters as an overhead belly to belly gives Taz the pin at 3:30.

Rating: D. What were you expecting from a caveman character? Taylor was as generic of a wrestler as you could have asked for at this point and yet he still looked better than Taz. What are you expecting to get out of a caveman? Nothing match of course and I’m not surprised that neither guy was hired at this point, though Taylor likely wasn’t a candidate for a job anyway.

Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna
Date: May 5, 1993
Location: Exposition Center, Portland, Maine
Attendance: 2,700

Same show as before (but not a hard camera match for some reason) and the final match of the show. Bret gets a strong reaction as you might have guessed. We get the long delay for Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji’s ritual and you can hear Bret call him fat. Bret even jumps him during the salt throwing and alternates between shots to the head and stomach. See, he’s versatile. A clothesline takes Bret down though and it’s time to slow things up.

Choking on the ropes wakes Bret up a bit but his comeback earns him a right hand to the throat. A trip to the floor sees Bret going into the steps and the big leg crushes him again back inside. The brilliant fans chant USA to cheer on the Canadian….and it seems to work as Bret avoids the corner charges. A middle rope bulldog gives Bret two and a regular version drops the big man again. Bret gets the Sharpshooter but Fuji comes in for the DQ at 5:26.

Rating: D+. They weren’t trying here but a lot of that was due to the amount of time they had. It’s not like these two are going to have a great match in the first place and cutting it down to less than five minutes counting everything with the salt didn’t do it any favors. Yokozuna would get better after crushing Hogan in about a month.

Post match Owen Hart comes in for the save but gets beaten down until Bret makes the save with a chair.

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs
Date: June 14, 1993
Location: Columbus Convention Center, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 3,700

Hogan/Beefcake of course in another Wrestlemania IX rematch. This is the day after King of the Ring 1993 and Money Inc.’s second match of the night after losing the Tag Team Titles to the Steiners earlier in the night (which they would win back two days later, only to lose them for good to the Steiners again three days later). Sgt. Slaughter is guest referee and you can see the Coliseum Video logos, meaning this was likely originally intended for home release but didn’t make it for whatever reason.

Money Inc. jumps them during the entrances and get cleared out in as short of a fashion as you would guess. Hogan poses and egads it’s still weird to see him this small in the WWF. More long form stalling ensues (definitely a thing back then and a lost art today) with Slaughter doing a weapons check as we’re finally ready to go two minutes plus after the bell. Hogan and DiBiase finally start….and we get a second bell. Egads why is this so complicated?

DiBiase forearms him in the back to start but Slaughter shoves Ted out of the corner when Hogan is on the ropes. How physical of him. Hogan uses the distraction to poke DiBiase in the eye (because Bobby Heenan was right about him being a no good cheater) and it’s off to Beefcake for some chops in the corner. IRS wants time out until DiBiase goes back in, walking right into an armdrag.

Ted suggests a hair pull and demonstrates it on Slaughter, but the fans (and Hogan) say it didn’t happen. Beefcake gets another armdrag and DiBiase says he did it again. Therefore Slaughter demonstrates the armdrag on DiBiase before tripping him down to give Beefcake two. Everything breaks down and it’s Hogan clotheslining IRS so Beefcake can hit him in the throat. Slaughter of course yells, so Hogan gets in a cheap shot. Hogan and Beefcake are making a snappy heel team here.

An IRS distraction finally lets DiBiase get in a few cheap shots and Slaughter cuts Hogan off from making a save. We’re firmly in the formula now, including IRS sweating profusely despite not doing much yet. DiBiase grabs a chinlock and now we get in an argument with Slaughter over the lack of a tag. Therefore, IRS has to let go of his chinlock so DiBiase can get in his own.

It’s back to IRS for more chinlockery as this is just dying in a hurry. Beefcake is up at the third arm drop and suplexes his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag to Hogan. Everything breaks down and IRS grabs the briefcase, which Hogan uses to clock DiBiase in the head. Slaughter then clocks both members of Money Inc….and disqualifies them at 12:21?

Rating: D-. What in the world was that supposed to be? Were they taking the night off (from that rigorous Hogan formula) and wanted to do something more “fun”? This might have worked if you cut off four minutes and REALLY toned down the Slaughter stuff (he came off as the star of the match) but as it was, total misfire here and really boring for the most part. Then again it’s not like the Wrestlemania match was anything good either.

Posing ensues, as is the custom.

Lex Luger vs. Ludvig Borga
Date: October 20, 1993
Location: Burlington Civic Center, Burlington, Vermont
Attendance: 2,500

Another Coliseum Video match and my goodness the fans have cooled on Luger since his Summerslam loss. Like he’s just a guy now. The USA chants begin and of course annoy Borga but just makes me think Jim Duggan could get an even stronger response at this point (impressive since he was gone from the company).

Borga powers him down to start and let’s stand around a bit. A shove sends Luger into the corner and we’re somehow almost three minutes into this. Luger shouts about Finland as Borga almost gets in a fight with a fan, who takes his shirt off.

The fans are rather pleased (no clue why) so Luger calms them down with a headlock. Well you wouldn’t want to get them too fired up. We stall some more and it’s time for a USA chant, followed by a wristlock from Luger. A shoulder and crossbody put Borga down for a second and it’s right back to the wristlock.

Lex charges into a boot in the corner though and Borga punches him down. But wait, let’s yell at the shirtless guy some more. At this point it’s clear why this didn’t make Coliseum Video and we’re all better for that. Of course it’s off to the chinlock before a clothesline gets two on Lex. Luger’s rollup gets the same but he comes back with the forearm for the pin at 11:13.

Rating: F. It’s kind of amazing how terrible Luger could be when he wasn’t motivated, which is made worse by how rarely he actually was motivated. This was terrible and one of the worst matches on the set so far. Then again that’s not surprising as this was a very dark era for the company and it wasn’t about to get any better.

Randy Savage vs. Crush
Date: February 1, 1994
Location: Westchester County Civic Center, White Plains, New York
Attendance: 3,000

The time clock is back. This is part of a big feud as Crush turned on Savage and cost him him announcer’s job, sending Savage over the edge (took about six inches of pushing) and into a rage for revenge. Savage jumps him on the floor to start and posts his head for good measure. They get inside with Savage going for the elbow way too early but getting distracted by Mr. Fuji anyway.

Savage grabs a chair instead but the referee yelling at him allows Crush to get in his first big shot. Suddenly we go to a very wide shot (blood maybe)…and then zoom back in like usual. Is the director drunk or something? Crush knocks him down and poses a bit, allowing Savage to grab a hiptoss. The ax handle sends Crush rolling outside and he sends Savage into the barricade.

Back in we hit the bearhug as the USA chants begin. At least there’s a Japanese flag to go with the Hawaiian villain. Some shots to the back keep Savage down and it’s off to a bow and arrow hold of all things. Not exactly what you would expect from Crush but it’s not a match people are supposed to see. A slow motion tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives Crush two but Savage finally sends him into the buckle for a breather. Crush’s suplex is reversed so he goes for the salt, only to have it knocked into his face. Now the elbow can give Savage the pin at 8:54.

Rating: C-. Not bad at all here as Savage could sell perfectly and Crush could work the back more than well enough. The anger was there to start but kind of died near the end, though at least there was a story and some intensity. I’ve always liked this feud and while this was a far cry from their Wrestlemania match (which I liked as well), it was an improvement over what we’ve been seeing.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Jim Neidhart
Date: October 21, 1994
Location: Montreal Forum, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 16,843

Bret is defending (in case you’re REALLY slow) as Neidhart returned earlier in the year to back Bret up, only to turn on him and side with Owen. I’ve seen these two have a title match from MSG in the same month and wasn’t incredibly impressed but maybe the Canadian air will help things out. Bret gets a hero’s reaction (of course) but Neidhart jumps him during the entrance.

Without even taking the jacket off, Bret comes back with a clothesline and the Sharpshooter, only to have Jeff Jarrett of all people run in for the beatdown. I believe the fans chant for Razor as we seem destined for a tag match but instead, this one begins (the bell never rang to start it) as Bret is mostly done. So yeah, Bret is getting screwed in a WWF World Title match in Montreal THREE YEARS EARLIER. Egads man stay in Calgary.

Bret avoids an early charge and hammers away before grabbing the beard. They head outside where Anvil forearms a post and Bret shoves Jarrett, who is still at ringside in a chair, over. Back in and Bret does the chest first buckle bump (well duh) and we hit a cobra clutch, which was actually called the Anvilizer. I have no idea why he called it that, what it means, or when in the world he ever used a sleeper to win a match but Neidhart could be a strange guy.

Neidhart lets it go and pounds him down as we’re into a pretty standard wheelhouse now. It’s off to the bearhug but Bret is out in a hurry, only to get kneed in the ribs for his efforts. The running powerslam (now that should be the Anvilizer) gets two and it’s back to the floor, hopefully with less forearming the post. That goes nowhere so Bret pulls him back in for a bulldog. The Russian legsweep gets two and Jarrett is rather pleased. Neidhart blocks the middle rope elbow though and catches Bret on top with the slam. For some reason Neidhart decides to try a top rope splash and the miss sets up the rollup to retain at 6:35.

Rating: C. They were smart to keep this short as I’m not sure how much longer Neidhart could have gone in a singles match. He’s very one dimensional (nothing wrong with that as there’s always a place for a power guy like Neidhart) and that’s not the best choice to go in a long match. Thankfully Bret is right there to keep things together, even with the rather pesky Jarrett interference, which didn’t mean anything in the end.

Sean is on a ladder with Charly saying this isn’t the safest thing in the world. Sean: “Try interviewing Andre the Giant after Bobby the Brain Heenan told him that I said he wasn’t a real giant.” He’s found some unseen ladder matches and Charly doesn’t buy it because everyone has seen the same ladder matches.

.and now here’s Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon from Wrestlemania X, but Charly stops the tape because that’s already been on a bunch of home releases. Ok that was funny.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. British Bulldog
Date: May 16, 1995
Location: O’Neil Center, Danbury, Connecticut
Attendance: 1,800

Jeff is defending, though oddly enough he would lose the title to Razor in a ladder match at a house show, only to get it back in another ladder match three days later. These were mentioned on Raw and would really make for a better entry here, assuming they were filmed. I’ve seen the one from three days before this via fan cam so they were very common around this time.

The camera work is much lower level than usual with a lot of moving over to other things rather than cuts. Jeff hammers away to start but gets caught in the (only slightly) delayed vertical suplex. That earns Bulldog a throw to the floor where Roadie gets in a clothesline as I wonder why Luger, who came to the ring with Bulldog, didn’t stick around. Of course just after I finish saying that, here’s Luger to punch Roadie in the face and chase him to the back. Bulldog gets in another suplex and the go outside (and off camera) until Bulldog brings in the first ladder.

Jeff makes a save and hits him in the ribs with the ladder before starting the climb. In one of the rare smart moves you’ll see in a ladder match, Jeff sees Bulldog coming and jumps down to kick him instead of being shoved over. Of course he’s shoved over a few seconds later but at least he did it right once. A ladder shot to the ribs puts Jeff down and Bulldog makes a very shaky climb, only to have it cut off as well. Bulldog whips him into the ladder again and goes up but gets dropkicked down. That’s enough for Jarrett to retain at 7:15.

Rating: C. Perfectly acceptable ladder match here, especially for a dark match at a Superstars taping. They didn’t have a ton of time but this was the paint by numbers version as it’s not like they had a ton of big match ladder matches to draw from at this point. Bulldog was fine for a quick challenger like this, though I’m kid of surprised that Jeff won clean.

Post match Bulldog goes after Jeff like a sore loser but Roadie comes in to chop block him. Luger makes the save.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon
Date: June 5, 1995
Location: Struthers High School, Struthers, Ohio
Attendance: 1,450

From a Raw taping and Jeff is defending in another ladder match. Hang on a second as Jeff says the belt is too high. The belt is lowered a bit, which would seem to make it easier for the taller Razor to retrieve. They slug it out to start with Razor of course getting the better of it until he ducks his head and gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker. Razor goes outside and grabs the ladder, which is quickly baseball slid (Slided? Sliden?) into his ribs.

Even in a short match like this, that’s way too early to go up so Razor gets back in for the save. Again though, Jeff is smart enough to come down and hit him in the ribs with the ladder. The ladder is dropped onto Razor but he makes another save. You may be noticing a pattern emerging here. This time it’s Jarrett catching Razor on top and shoving the ladder over to put both guys down.

The Razor’s Edge is broken up with Jeff backdropping him over the top, which of course means a banged up knee. The knee is fine enough to make another save though and they’re both down again. Jeff gets sent into the ladder in the corner a few times but one more shove down allowing him to retain the title at 10:23.

Rating: C+. This was much more the standard ladder match with a little more time to make it better. Jarrett and Ramon had some good chemistry together and it made for a better match as a result. It’s interesting that the matches are rather different with this one being more like a standard ladder match while the first was a match that happened to involve a ladder. Both were good though as Jarrett is a talented performer, as long as you keep him away from the main event scene.

Post match Razor gives him the Edge and picks up the title, only to drop it on the unconscious Jarrett.

Charly and Sean find a box of New Generation tapes and, after suggesting that Mooney lives in the vault (works for me), we have a tape of Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart as partners. Charly: “How does that sound?” Sean: “It sounds like it would be a heart break, kid.” Charly’s face tells you everything you need to know here.

Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart vs. Hakushi/Jerry Lawler
Date: July 26, 1995
Location: Kiel Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500

Another Coliseum Video match. This happened a handful of other times but is still one of those things you never can imagine seeing. The villains jump them to start and the ropes seem a bit loose. Hakushi sends Bret into the corner to start and hits a cartwheel elbow. It’s off to Lawler for some choking before Hakushi comes back in for a knee drop. The threat of a Shawn (sporting a bit of a beard here) right hand scares Lawler away and it’s off to choking in the corner.

Hakushi’s Bronco Buster keeps Bret in trouble as this is one sided so far. Choking ensues on the ropes and then in the corner to continue the riveting pace. Shawn FINALLY does something by chasing after Hakushi and hitting him in the head. I mean, it would be better if he were legal so Bret pulls Lawler face first into the post. Bret finally avoids a charge and brings in Shawn to clean house. The top rope ax handle gets two and the elbow drop is good for the same as everything breaks down. The Sharpshooter puts Hakushi away at 11:41.

Rating: D-. This was terrible, which says a lot given how much chemistry Bret had with both of them. There’s not much he can do though in a choking special like this as no one seemed all that interested in working hard here. Shawn especially looked bored out of his mind and barely did anything until the very end.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. Yokozuna
Date: July 26, 1995
Location: Kiel Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500

Same show as before with Diesel defending in a cage. Diesel slugs away to start but gets dropped by a hard shot to the chest. Yokozuna misses the big elbow though and it’s time to lay down for a long time. Back up and Diesel hits a headbutt to drop the monster but falls down as well for the second double knockdown in less than three minutes. Diesel goes up first, only to get crotched on the top.

The big splash misses and let’s lay down again! Diesel catches him going out with a good crotching of his own, followed by right hands on the mat. That’s still not enough to get out though and Diesel goes into the cage. The big leg misses as Yokozuna is really bad at this leaving his feet thing. After sending Diesel into the cage again, Yokozuna decides to climb, freaking Jim Cornette out in the process.

That works as well as you would expect as Diesel sends him into the cage and knocks the big man down. Diesel is caged as well though and it’s ANOTHER double knockdown. Geez people come up with something new. They both go for an exit at the same time and it’s Diesel getting over the top before Yokozuna can make it through the door to retain at 11:20.

Rating: F. Egads what a mess of a match. They were out there for less than twelve minutes and somehow managed to have FOUR double knockdown spots. How do you even do that? This wasn’t going to be a good idea as Yokozuna was just too big at this point and there wasn’t anything that almost anyone could do with him.

Sean and Charly wrap it up while teasing a sequel. Post copyright notice, we see Sean going to a makeshift bed in the warehouse, complete with Ultimate Warrior Wrestling Buddy.

Overall Rating: A. Oh come on like I’m going to do anything but love this. This was all about changing things up and offering a bunch of stuff that you actually haven’t seen before, which is a lot better than seeing the same matches over and over again. They even make fun of that trope with the Shawn vs. Razor ladder match. It starts to run out of steam near the end but egads the amount of stuff they must have in that vault.

There better be a sequel to this as they could probably make half a dozen of these things without getting repetitive. That’s the beauty of having archives dating back nearly fifty years. They could easily do one of these for multiple eras and they would all be must buys. This was one of the most entertaining sets I’ve seen, just for the amount of times it made my eyebrows go up at what I was seeing. If you’re a fan of this time period, go out of your way to find this as it’s a straight blast.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown – August 28, 2003: One of the Best Moments in Smackdown History

Smackdown
Date: August 28, 2003
Location: Haskins Center, El Paso, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Summerslam is over and done with and this show has to be better than Raw. I know Smackdown hasn’t been great in recent weeks but this week’s Raw was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Kurt Angle could sit in the ring, read a newspaper and have a watercress sandwich and it would still beat Raw so they don’t have much of a bar to defeat. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero, who parks his car outside to make the already rabid fans wait on him a little longer. Eddie comes in through the crowd and is the biggest face to face around here in a LONG time (which isn’t much of a stretch as he’s been the hottest act on the show for months now). In a funny bit, Eddie hugs Tazz but ignores Cole before putting a sombrero on him. Eddie’s family is in the front row and my goodness this is one of the best receptions you’ll see in wrestling. I know it’s his hometown but the fans absolutely love Eddie. It gets even better when he greets them in Spanish and says he’s at home.

This is where lying, cheating and stealing started and we hear the Guerrero family history of his great, great grandmother walking the streets of El Paso, possibly after illegally jumping the border. One day a cop stopped her and asked if she belonged there. That earned the cop a tongue lashing in Spanish but she was just saying of course she belonged in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

That was the first ever Guerrero lie but then she had to take the citizenship test. It was all in English though so she looked over at the other grandmother….and beat the heck out of her before stealing the answers to become a citizen. Finally, as she was leaving the office, she saw a low rider. Eddie: “Ok they didn’t have low riders back then. It was a donkey.” This brings out John Cena, who is in WAY over his head here.

Cena makes his usual gay jokes and Eddie just smiles at him. He threatens to call border patrol and that’s a bit too far for Guerrero. Cena thinks Eddie should be a citizen before being the US Champion. A fight with Cena would be a setback because he would leave him with a broken…..well it rhymes with setback.

Eddie isn’t about to have Cena talk about his raza like that and accuses Cena of thinking he’s more of an American. Cena calms him down and talks Eddie into a US Title match later tonight. Cena implies he’ll leave with Eddie’s sister and the brawl is on. Eddie steals Cena’s jersey before rapping at him about how Cena will taste defeat thanks to the Latino Heat.

This was a GREAT face turn as Eddie is one of the most charismatic guys on the roster and the fans have been begging to cheer him for months now. Doing this to open the show in Eddie’s hometown was the perfect move and exactly how it should have gone. Oh and the stuff about the grandmother was hilarious.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Nunzio

Rey is def….hang on I need a minute. Rey is defending. Sorry I haven’t had to say that in a long time and I was out of practice. Cole mentions that Rey defended the title last night on Heat, which wasn’t important enough to mention in advance. The referee ejects the other Italians to make sure this is one on one. Nunzio takes him down without much effort to start and gets two off a harder clothesline than I thought Nunzio could pull off.

Back up and Rey sends him outside for a corkscrew dive over the top. A baseball slide is caught though and Nunzio drops him ribs first onto the barricade. Nunzio cranks on the arms for a bit but Rey fights up without much effort. Rey goes a little too fast though and the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb (which Cole calls a gutbuster and a spinebuster) for two. A pinfall reversal sequence gets two each but Nunzio puts him on top. The belly to back superplex is reversed and Rey Drops the Dime to retain.

Rating: B-. Short match but they were rolling with the time they had. Nunzio is a talented guy and someone who can wrestle a surprisingly good match against a host of opponents. Mysterio is of course excellent but the Cruiserweight Title isn’t doing him any good. The fact that there’s no competition other than an occasional match doesn’t help either, but that’s the flaw with the title in general.

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

A-Train has Sable in his corner, wearing a very short dress. Benoit gets thrown around with ease to start so of course he charges right at A-Train with more chops. A-Train throws him onto his shoulder to drive Benoit ribs first into the buckle and a single kick puts Benoit on the floor. The announcers make sex jokes about Sable as A-Train gets two off a double underhook gutbuster.

Instead of following up though, A-Train pulled a buckle pad off. Some chops and a German suplex give Benoit a breather and there’s the Swan Dive for two. Benoit it sent back first into the exposed buckle so the Derailer can get two. That’s fine with Benoit, who Crossfaces A-Train for the tap, despite A-Train’s legs being underneath the ropes.

Rating: C. So their method for building A-Train up is by having him lose most of his big matches? Such is life in WWE and that gets a little tiring. I mean, I know it’s just A-Train but if you want him to be a monster, I’d like to see more than him beating Stephanie in a “match”. Of course WWE thinks that means the world but it’s not exactly reality.

During the break, A-Train yelled at Benoit for not being able to beat him. A fight is about to break out but it’s a ruse so Rhyno can Gore Benoit through a door. What did Benoit do to get stuck with these feuds?

Eddie’s tire has been stolen and he accuses various people, eventually decking Johnny the Bull for smiling a bit too much.

Here’s Brock Lesnar for a chat, but only after telling us to shut up and sit down because he has something to say. Since Summerslam, everywhere he goes, he’s been told he tapped out. That’s quite the list of places in four days. Brock accidentally starts the YOU TAPPED OUT chant and he’s sick of it. Summerslam was a fluke, a mirage and a miracle because he’s never tapped out in his life.

Brock is no quitter, unlike everyone here who quits looking for jobs after they don’t find one immediately (kind of an odd choice of an insult but no one ever accused Brock of being a good talker). He’s been told there’s no shame in tapping out to an Olympic champion. Brock: “I’M BROCK LESNAR AND I’M SPECIAL!” He’s demanding a title rematch and insults Angle’s ears for not coming out here immediately.

Angle pops up on screen and says Brock sounds like a baby who lost his rattle. He thinks the fans want to see action…..like when he beat Brock at Summerslam. Angle offers to come out here and make Brock tap again but here’s Undertaker instead. It’s time for Brock to go to the back of the line because Undertaker hasn’t had a title shot in a long time. Now Brock is standing in Undertaker’s yard but before anything can happen, here’s Big Show to interrupt. Does he come with the show like parsley with a steak?

Show talks about hurting more people than anyone ever has but here’s Angle to keep this segment going even longer. Angle talks about wanting to face any of these people, all of whom he would make tap. He wants someone to make a decision….so here’s Stephanie, who is in charge tonight because Vince is gone. Isn’t that always supposed to be the case? Anyway it’s a triple threat for the #1 contendership later tonight. This was WAY longer than it needed to be and really only served to prove that Lesnar is a really bad talker.

During the break, Cena (now in a fresh jersey with a matching hat) denies any involvement with stealing Eddie’s tire.

US Title: John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending and Cena comes out carrying a tire. Cole: “If this isn’t evidence, I don’t know what is.” You should need a license to be that stupid. Of course Cena stole it but unlike Eddie, he got away with it. That would be another stupid line. Eddie runs out and starts fast, busting Cena open in a hurry with some shots to the head.

The slingshot hilo connects and Eddie pounds at the cut in the corner. The ProtoBomb gets Cena out of trouble and a hard clothesline makes things even worse for the champ. Eddie gets in a few kicks and sends Cena outside but takes a bit too long, allowing Cena to hit him in the leg. That just earns him a ram into the announcers’ table to draw a little more blood. Eddie brings his tire in but it’s just a ruse to get in a chair to Cena’s back. The fans eat this up with a cuchara but the frog splash misses.

Back from an abrupt break with Cena holding a double chickenwing. A delayed vertical suplex gets two and Cena bearhugs him down for two arm drops. Eddie is back up with a suplex of his own and the FU is countered into a hurricanrana. The referee gets bumped and OF COURSE the frog splash connects a few seconds later. That means a delayed two, followed by the Three Amigos but Cena hits him low for the DQ.

Rating: B. Cena wasn’t ready to hang with Eddie in a long match (to be fair, not many people were on their best day) but Eddie is more than capable of carrying him to a good match. The rematch could be better but for a first match, this was about as good as it was going to get. At least neither lost clean though.

Post match Cena hits him with the chain to bust Eddie open. An FU onto the tire and it’s big rim makes it even worse.

We look back at Brock destroying Zach Gowen last week, making me a much bigger Lesnar fan in the process.

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

The winner gets Angle next week. Angle comes out to join commentary and the match starts after a break. Better than having thirty seconds of action and then going into a break. Back with Undertaker getting double teamed, including Brock hitting some shoulders in the corner. Show throws Undertaker down with a suplex so Brock can steal a near fall. You can imagine how well this goes and it starts with Undertaker being sent out to the floor.

Brock suplexes Show for two with Undertaker making the quick save. Undertaker starts slugging away and hits a jumping clothesline on Show (Angle: “Undertaker would probably miss me on that one.”) but Brock takes him down. Show decks Lesnar but Undertaker reverses a chokeslam into a Fujiwara armbar.

That’s broken up as well (they’re certainly not deviating from a pattern here) and Undertaker is knocked outside with his hands getting caught in the ropes. Show chairs Undertaker down and growls a lot as we take a break. Back with Brock on the floor and some right hands rocking Show. A triangle choke puts Show in trouble so Brock makes another save. The chokeslam gets two with Show pulling the referee out and then chokeslamming Undertaker for two of his own.

An F5 lays out Undertaker and Show makes ANOTHER save. Show chokeslams Brock for two and the kickout sends him up top for what looks to be a super chokeslam. Undertaker saves the ring from being broken and everyone is down with Show crotched on top. Brock goes up for a superplex of his own but gets caught in the Last Ride, leaving Show to fall off the top as Undertaker pins Lesnar.

Rating: D+. The constant near falls weren’t really dramatic or anything as you knew it was going to be something big to get to the finish. It was entertaining enough though and that’s a lot more than you can say about a lot of these matches. That being said, was there ANY reason not to have Big Show take the pin here? I mean….it’s Big Show. Suddenly we’re protecting him?

Angle and Undertaker do the big staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It was nowhere near perfect but this was an entertaining show. Swap out the horrible Lesnar promo with pretty much anything else and this show is a lot better but what we got was fine. Make no mistake about it though: this was the Eddie Guerrero Show with the hometown crowd loving their hero like no one I’ve seen in a long time. Some of the stories have me interested and that’s a nice feeling, especially after the mess that was Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – January 22, 2018 (25th Anniversary): Tug of War

Monday Night Raw 25th Anniversary
Date: January 22, 2018
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York/Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a big night with the show having been build up for several months and a slew of guest stars booked for the night. The show is also being run from two arenas, including the location of the first ever episode. I’m more excited for this than I am for Sunday’s Royal Rumble so let’s get to it.

JR and King welcome us from the Manhattan Center, complete with an ICOPRO sign.

The regular announcers’ team welcome us from the Barclays Center.

Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon are in the ring to open the show with Stephanie doing that ever present growling introduction. Shane thanks us for being here along with all the people behind the scenes who make this happen. With that, Shane introduces us to the long highlight reel of Raw moments. This was released on the site’s YouTube page and is very awesome with almost every major Raw moment ever.

Back in the arena, Stephanie introduces Vince, who absolutely has to be here for the opening sequence. Vince nearly dances in the ring and says twenty five years is quite the accomplishment. The fans chant THANK YOU VINCE (which Stephanie explains to him) but Vince says enough of that and we’re off to the festivities. Vince goes to leave but Stephanie and Shane have a present for him.

They have a plaque commemorating his twenty five years of Raw….and he’s not happy. Vince goes on a rant about it being cheap and how plaque is the horrible stuff on the people of Brooklyn’s teeth. There’s only one person who should be thanked for all of this and that’s Vince himself. As he goes off about how great he is……the glass shatters.

After Austin does his usual entrance, Vince praises Austin’s look but says he’s had his own share of health problems. His bones are broken and brittle and he has arthritis and he even lives in a retirement home. Vince: “But my son Shane is in his prime!” Austin raises Shane’s hand and gives him a Stunner to the delight of the fans. Vince produces beers and the fans chant ONE MORE TIME! Vince: “I don’t think Shane can take another one!” They drink their beer and hug but Austin looks at Vince, followed by one more Stunner for old times’ sake. For some reason Shane gets up and takes one more Stunner.

This was just about the perfect opening as you have to have Vince there for something like this and if there’s Vince, there must be Austin. All those Stunners over the years were a huge part of the show and Austin is arguably the name that more people would associate with Raw than anyone else. This was great and the only way things should have gone to start.

Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka

There’s a big brawl before the bell and Asuka has banged up ribs. She’s still able to kick Sonya to the floor though and we take an early break. Back with Asuka hip attacking half of the villains off the apron before it’s off to Jax vs. Banks. That goes fairly badly for Sasha who gets caught in Alicia’s northern lights suplex for two.

We hit the chinlock until Banks gets double teamed in the corner. Everything breaks down and we take a second break because it’s not like there’s a lot of stuff to get to tonight. Back with Banks grabbing the Bank Statement to make Fox tap at 11:58. The stuff after the break was less than fifteen seconds long.

Rating: C-. This was fine all things considered but at the same time, there’s some other stuff going on tonight that they need to cover. That’s kind of the problem with having this big special on the same night as the go home show for the Rumble. They have to build things up but at the same time they have to get to the big special features. The match was fine, but probably should have been shorter.

Post match Asuka throws her partners over the top in a Sunday preview.

Kurt Angle is in the back when Jonathan Coachman comes in. Coach talks about all the faces he’s seen around here, so cue Harvey Wippleman and the Brooklyn Brawler who offer cigars. Cue Teddy Long for the required dancing. Brother Love comes in (he scared me to death as a kid) and declares love for everyone until Boogeyman comes in, complete with the worms in the mouth…which he hands to Coach. A lot of staring ensues.

In the Manhattan Center, JR and King (who mentions puppies) introduce a nice video package on Undertaker’s greatest Raw moments.

Here’s the Undertaker, with the lights not going out for his entrance in a strange visual (flashback to his original). For twenty five years, he’s buried souls who dared to challenge him and buried them in the cold dark earth. Steve Austin, Mick Foley, his brother Kane have all fallen before the reaper and now, after all this time, they may rest in peace. JR: “Is that a warning?” The music plays again and no one interrupts. I’ll believe it’s over when I don’t see him at Wrestlemania but that seems to be the case at the moment.

We go to the APA’s office with Heath Slater losing all of his money in a poker game as Rhyno shakes his head. Someone comes in and throws some money down….and of course it’s Ted DiBiase. They deal him in and we get the evil laugh. Still the greatest villain of all time for my money.

Here’s are some of the all time greatest General Managers: Johnny Ace (with a red suit and blue tie), William Regal, Eric Bischoff (to a ROAR) and Daniel Bryan. Miz and the Miztourage interrupt though and it’s time for one of the big matches.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is challenging. They take their time to start until Reigns pops him with a right hand. The Miztourage offers a distraction though and Miz sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Reigns hitting the corner clotheslines, followed by a running big boot. The apron dropkick connects but the spear is countered into a rollup for two with the feet on the ropes. The YES Kicks keep Roman in trouble but the big kick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Another apron dropkick takes the Miztourage out and Reigns slips out of the Skull Crushing Finale for another Superman Punch. Bo Dallas grabs the foot though and Miz hits his corner clothesline. That means a double ejection but Reigns hits them one more time, allowing the Skull Crushing Finale to connect for two. Back up and Reigns tries the spear but hits an exposed turnbuckle pad. The Skull Crushing Finale makes Miz an eight time champion at 13:13. A replay shows that Miz got the pad off when Reigns was beating up the Miztourage for a nice surprise.

Rating: C. This was a booking decision more than anything else and there’s nothing wrong with that. The loss lets Reigns drop the title before he wins the Universal Title at Wrestlemania (THIS TIME FOR SURE!) and the win gives Miz something else to do, especially now that he’s less than three months away from the most combined days as champion (and only one reign behind Chris Jericho’s record).

Back to the poker game with the Hardys, the Usos, and MVP playing as Slater continues to lose his money.

It’s time for the Peep Show with Christian. He knows a thing or two about being a Tag Team Champion so his guests are Jason Jordan and Seth Rollins. Jordan takes over for Seth and talks about what an honor it is to be here but the crowd won’t let him talk. Jordan eventually talks about Kurt and asks the fans to applaud him. Cue the Bar to say that all the fans are because of them, not all the legends. They’ll be getting the titles back on Sunday and it’s because Jordan sucks. We hit the YOU SUCK song and the brawl is on. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but Seth’s springboard knee hits Jordan.

Alexa Bliss is annoyed at being asked if she’ll still be champion at Wrestlemania. Charlotte comes in and MY GOODNESS she towers over Alexa. She says Alexa doesn’t have the stature to be champion and Ric Flair himself comes in to say Charlotte is going to be champion until she decides to hang up the robe. Flair appearing was great, though they’re teasing the heck out of one of these two losing before Wrestlemania.

Video on Edge, who isn’t here tonight.

More people are at the poker game, now including Natalya and Titus Worldwide. Heath loses again, this time to Natalya’s queen high flush in hearts. Dana has counted it up: Heath has lost a lot.

Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy

In the Manhattan Center and this match takes place here? Sister Abigail is broken up in the first five seconds as JR tries to figure out what Sister Abigail is. Matt grabs a Russian legsweep and drops the middle rope elbow to the back of the head. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray runs him over as we take a break. Back with Matt hitting a running corner clothesline but having his bulldog broken up. The Side Effect gets two on Bray but Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Matt at 5:48. Not enough shown to rate but that’s quite the abrupt loss in the first match between these two.

Back in Barclays, here are some of the greatest female talents ever: the Bella Twins, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Lilian Garcia, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Terri Runnels, Maria Kanellis and of course Trish Stratus as the big name. This group is declared as trailblazers so I have a good laugh as we cut away.

Elias is walking through the back when he runs into Chris Jericho (in an Alpha Club shirt). Chris compliments his scarves and asks if he can play a song he’s written about Elias. He can’t borrow the guitar but worry not because Jericho has his own. The song is about Elias being a stupid idiot and HE JUST MADE THE LIST! Jericho loads up the pen but says he’s kidding. Jericho: “NO I’M NOT! YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!”

Here’s Elias in the ring to talk about how amazing it is that it took Raw twenty five years to find him. WWE stands for Walk With Elias but the fans won’t let him play his song. Elias wants to sing it for the fans but points out Jimmy Fallon in the front row. The song is about the various legends, including talking about how Shawn’s time is passed and Undertaker is a decrepit old man. He’s going to the Royal Rumble but here’s John Cena to interrupt.

Cena asks the crowd if they’re loud now and points out that both he and Brooklyn have balls because there they are (it’s a beach ball in this case). Elias tells him to shut up because the fans are there to see Elias but Cena ruined it. Cena tells him to do something about it but Elias says no and teases leaving. The fight is on of course and Cena hits his finishing sequence but the AA is cut off by a low blow. A guitar to the back leaves Cena laying and Drift Away makes it even better. I’m pleasantly surprised here as this was a very solid rub for Elias who took some of Cena’s best and left him laying. Good stuff here.

New Day is at the poker game now with Woods betting pancakes. Slater FINALLY wins a hand but is accused of cheating. A fight nearly breaks out and Bradshaw says if you want to fight, do it in the ring. Oh I can feel the Revival’s death coming from here. Titus Worldwide and Slater/Rhyno leave but DiBiase wins with a royal flush. As he rakes in the chips, Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Mark Henry is in the back and runs into the Godfather and….some random woman. Godfather brings up Sexual Chocolate but Henry says that was a long time ago. Henry seems to hit on the woman….and it’s Godfather’s wife. Mark smiles and isn’t sure what to think.

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno

Titus chops Rhyno to start before it’s off to Crews vs. Slater with Heath starting in on the arm. A very delayed vertical suplex puts Heath down and we take a break. IN THIS MATCH??? Back with the match being thrown out at 5:40. Again not enough to rate but this seems like a means to an end.

Cue the Dudley Boyz (including Bubba, who was named ROH GM two days ago and D-Von, who looks rather huge) as everyone bails to the floor. Slater gets thrown back inside for What’s Up (with Booker commenting on D-Von’s weight gain). It’s table time of course (with Rhyno pulling the ring skirt back) and the 3D drives Slater through it for good measure. This was a HUGE relief as the Revival wasn’t destroyed for no apparent reason.

AJ Styles is in the back and has his own interviewer: Mean Gene Okerlund. AJ does his best Hogan impression to Gene (AJ: “Sorry I’ve always wanted to do that.”) before talking about facing Kami on Sunday. He has a small window to fight on Sunday but if he does it right, they’ll hear him announced as still being champion. Gene looks confused.

Back to the Manhattan Center and here’s DX for the big reunion. Well just Shawn and HHH to start. Shawn has been hearing people ask HBShizzle what his best moment in the 25 years have been. He can’t remember 25 minutes ago but he does remember something about a big sausage, which HHH cuts him off. Then one time they were all in Christmas stuff but HHH says no again.

Shawn gets annoyed because he used to be the boss of this group but now HHH is the boss of everything so Shawn doesn’t get to do anything anymore. All you have to do to see all those moments again though is sign up for the WWE Network. HHH talks about the fans starting the fire and now they’re here because of him.

We hear about some of the history of DX, including a rare Chyna name drop. HHH talks about going to WCW in a tank (it wasn’t a tank) and starting a war (which had started well over a year prior) but now they’re here because the Manhattan Center is home. They’re not here alone though because here are the New Age Outlaws. Maybe Road Dogg can ruin Raw now.

Dogg does his usual and here’s X-Pac for another surprise (I mean, assuming you didn’t see the graphics all night long). The crowd cuts X-Pac off with a 1-2-3 chant but there’s one more surprise: Scott Hall. Back after a VERY abrupt break with everyone in the ring and Ramon saying Hey Yo. He calls this whole thing too sweet….and here’s Balor Club. They all do too Too Sweet…..and it’s the freaking Revival to get the legends burial.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Revival jumps them before the bell and it’s Anderson in early trouble. A headlock is broken up in short order and it’s off to Gallows for the kicks to the head. The Magic Killer ends Dawson clean at 2:00.

Revival goes after DX and takes the finishers, because this worked so well for Damien Sandow. X-Factor, Shake Rattle and Roll, Fameasser, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree and Coup de Grace, followed by Billy getting in his catchphrase. So glad they had Revival, one of the best teams in a long time, to do this. To be fair they’re wrestlers and we don’t have room for that around here.

Angle brings out all of the legends and people from the poker game to surround the ring for the closing segment as we go to a break at 11:03. Back with Angle bringing out Braun Strowman and Kane, who are held apart by a lot of the wrestlers. Paul Heyman comes out and introduces Brock Lesnar for a fight. Here’s Brock…and everyone but Kane and Strowman bail in fear. Brock runs over Strowman and hits an F5 on Kane but Strowman is back in to knock Lesnar to the floor. The running powerslam through the announcers’ table plants Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was trying to do two things at once and it made them both suffer. There was actually a bit too much wrestling going on and some of those longer matches (which to be fair were only in the first half of the show) were cutting down on time that could have been used for the nostalgia stuff. The problem is you have to do that for the Rumble, leaving less time for the big anniversary material.

The anniversary stuff was fine enough, but it really peaked at the beginning and was kind of downhill from there. Going back to the Manhattan Center was fun, though it really felt like the crowd there got screwed a bit. Other than DX and Undertaker’s short appearance, almost nothing there felt important or special and that’s not a great sign. Throw in the stupid, stupid, STUPID beatdown of Revival (who not only got taken out by the old guys but also lost a clean two minute match) and Terri Runnels/Kelly Kelly apparently being trailblazers and some of this stuff left a lot to be desired.

As for the Rumble build….eh. Once the big names for the Rumble are set, there’s not a lot that can really be done to build to the pay per view. We know all of the main roster women in the Rumble and most of the men are already set so there’s only so much you can do here. What we got was ok, though the triple threat stuff isn’t doing anything for me.

Now there was a lot of good stuff as well, including Miz winning the Intercontinental Title back (thanks for keeping it warm Roman), Elias beating Cena down, the lack of Undertaker vs. Cena being made (though that could change), some of the cameos (Henry and Godfather made me laugh) and of course Austin and Vince. It wasn’t the worst show, but I was expecting a lot more and didn’t get really close to it, which is rather disappointing. Still though, it could have been much worse.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka b. Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax – Bank Statement to Fox

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Skull Crushing Finale

Bray Wyatt b. Matt Hardy – Sister Abigail

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno went to a double DQ when all four brawled

Anderson and Gallows b. Revival – Magic Killer to Dawson

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2010: The One Before The One

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2007 (2018 Redo): The Texas Hogan vs. Warrior

Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield

This show received the same amount of votes as 2001 and sounded intriguing so here’s a bonus redo. We’re back in Texas here with Undertaker and Shawn Michaels both in the Rumble, meaning good things should be happening. There’s also a well remembered John Cena vs. Umaga match, which should be a lot of fun. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard look back at the history of the show, including what it means to win and go to Wrestlemania. Well that’s certainly a big deal. The rest of the card (not so big of a deal) is discussed as well, mainly focusing on Cena vs. Umaga.

We hear from all six announcers because WWE thinks we need to have six announcers. Just wait until there’s basically a press row.

MNM vs. Hardy Boyz

The Hardys had made a comeback late in 2006 and their main rivalry was with MNM. Joey Mercury is coming in with a shattered nose, meaning he’s got a face mask. MNM has Melina in their corner and just….wow. That’s really all that needs to be said. Matt comes in with a dislocated jaw and Jeff is Intercontinental Champion, showing you how balanced the team was. Nitro jumps Matt from behind to start and Mercury comes in to go after Matt’s injured face.

Matt takes over though and brings Jeff in, meaning it’s time for the WOOing from the crowd. It must be a North Carolina thing. Jeff’s atomic drop into the legdrop between the legs gets two and it’s back to Matt. Johnny sends him into the buckle though and we’re down to the beating. A good looking/hard kick to the head has Matt in trouble as MNM stays on the face for the sake of revenge. Makes sense actually and the kind of thing you wouldn’t see a lot of the time.

Melina hits the screeching because…that sound made me lose my train of thought so we’ll go to Matt being caught in a chinlock. Mercury misses a middle rope elbow though and it’s off to Jeff to speed things back up. A facebuster gets two on Johnny, followed by a Whisper in the Wind for the same with Mercury having to make a save. The Hardys hit their top rope legdrop/splash combination but Jeff is banged up and Nitro stays on the ribs.

We hit the waistlock for a bit until Jeff reverses into a rollup for two. Nitro grabs a bodyscissors as you certainly can’t fault their psychology so far. Jeff finally backdrops his way to freedom but, of course, the referee doesn’t see it so Matt stays in trouble. Double teaming doesn’t work so well though as Jeff sends MNM into each other, meaning it’s off to Matt so house can be cleaned.

The bulldog/clothesline combination gets two but Jeff has to break up the Snapshot (elevated DDT) as everything breaks down. Poetry in Motion is broken up and Nitro’s rollup gets two (and more screeching). The Twist of Fate into the Swanton (with Nitro rolling over so it can hit) gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: B. Good but not great match here as the Hardys were only going to be able to do so much at this point. I’m not sure what the point was in having MNM lose the matches like this when you need to build younger teams up but at least they were pushing the heck out of the Hardys while they could. Jeff would of course break free and go on to some huge things, but it was WAY too early to realize that yet.

Jonathan Coachman (Raw Executive Assistant) and Teddy Long (Smackdown General Manager) are holding the Rumble drawing (SWEET). After the standard bickering over who will win, Edge comes in to pick his number but first we look at Kelly Kelly (my goodness the WWE women were stunning back then).

Edge’s partner Randy Orton (Raw Tag Team Champions) comes in to draw his own number. Orton threatens to eliminate Edge and we get the standard “I’ll show you mine, you show me yours” exchange. King Booker comes in to say tell me you didn’t just say that. I miss these segments and I have no idea why they don’t exist anymore. You can get some nice character development in all of a few seconds with no effort put in. Probably not high concept enough for WWE or something.

We recap Test vs. Bobby Lashley. Test wanted a title shot and is on a roll so he gets to be the sacrificial lamb to the monster champion. It sounds good, but it’s Test in 2007.

ECW Title: Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Test is challenging while Lashley does the Brock Lesnar jump to the apron entrance, complete with the same pyro. They start a little slowly until Lashley spears Test down, sending the Canadian bailing to the ropes. Back up and Lashley avoids a charge and snaps off a great looking t-bone suplex. If he could have talked, he would have block Lesnar’s career out of the water.

With the wrestling not working at all, Test tries posting Lashley instead to actually take over. Back in and we hit the armbar for a very, very long time, because that’s exactly what you would expect in an ECW match (To be fair, people like Lashley and Test never would have been in ECW to begin with. And there’s the whole WWE aspect so maybe the armbar isn’t as big of an issue as it seems. Maybe that’s enough filler to get through this armbar and….oh sweet we’re on to something else.).

Test gets suplexed again but the shoulder gives out, allowing Test to get in the big boot for two. That’s his big shot so Test tries a TKO, only to get countered with a belly to belly. A clothesline puts Test on the floor….and that’s a countout. Egads this needs a rematch? For TEST? Someone thinks this is worthy of a second match?

Rating: F. Just no all around here, between a big power guy using an armbar for such a long stretch of the match, Test in general, the stupid ending and thinking that a pay per view as big as the Royal Rumble isn’t enough of a stage to end this nothing feud. Terrible match here and it didn’t even feel like a TV main event.

Lashley beats Test up again. Why in the world was this not a clean pin? Lashley pinned him in an even shorter match on the following episode of ECW TV, so what was the point here?

John Cena’s ribs are banged up but he’ll defend the title anyway. Vince comes in and mocks You Can’t See Me, saying he won’t be seeing Cena as WWE Champion after tonight. Funny enough line, but Vince vs. Cena doesn’t do anything for me.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Mr. Kennedy winning a Beat the Clock Challenge to earn the shot at Batista. Kennedy cheated Undertaker out of the shot so Undertaker went after him, only to hit Batista by mistake. That would be saved for Wrestlemania XXIII though, with Kennedy getting the shot and bragging about beating six World Champions leading up to lucky #7 tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

Batista is defending and easily tosses Kennedy around with raw power. Back up and some right hands stagger Batista as JBL sings Kennedy’s praises. A suplex takes Kennedy down again though and it’s time to head outside. Kennedy gets in a shot to the leg to slow Batista a bit and it’s time to go to work back inside. We hit a reverse Figure Four of all things (I haven’t seen that in years) until Kennedy gets caught in the ropes. A running boot in the corner keeps Batista in trouble as this has been almost one sided so far.

Kennedy grabs a half crab to stay on the leg for a good while until letting go, allowing Batista to snap off a spinebuster. After some holding the knee, Batista starts the comeback with clotheslines and a backdrop, followed by a Kenton Bomb (Kennedy’s Regal Roll). The Batista Bomb is broken up though and a ref bump allows Kennedy to get in a low blow. Kennedy’s neckbreaker (finisher) gets no count but the fans are chanting for Kennedy. For some reason Kennedy goes to the middle rope but dives into a clothesline. The Batista Bomb retains the title.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here as they didn’t bother having Kennedy trying to do more than he could have done. Batista wasn’t exactly great against smaller guys so there was definitely a styles clash here. At least the match had a point and felt like a TV main event, which is all this should have been. The fans reacted to Batista’s win though and seemed to like Kennedy, even if this really didn’t rocket off the launch pad.

JBL is FURIOUS over the non-count off the neckbreaker.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel try to draw a number when Hornswoggle (nearly feral at this point) comes in to do the same. Coach makes a short joke and gets bitten and attacked. Great Khali comes in for the visual joke, followed by grabbing three balls. He leaves two, which Kelly Kelly picks up. You know the joke and you know what Ron Simmons comes in to say.

We recap John Cena vs. Umaga. Cena escaped with a fluke win at New Year’s Revolution but Umaga’s manager Armando Alejandro Estrada decided the rematch should be a Last Man Standing match. Umaga injured Cena’s ribs coming in for a pretty simple but perfectly acceptable story.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Cena is defending, Umaga has manager Armando Alexjandro Estrada in his corner and it’s Last Man Standing. It’s almost weird to hear Cena get a pretty strong face reaction but it’s still in full force here. Cena tries to slug away and even hits a jawbreaker, only to have a single shot to the ribs put him on the floor. Umaga sends him into the steps and it’s time to knock Cena up the aisle.

For some reason Cena tries to send Umaga head first into the apron and is promptly beaten down for his efforts. Serves him right. Back in and Cena charges into a clothesline for an eight count. Umaga throws the steps in but Cena snaps Umaga’s neck over the top and throws the steps over the top and down onto Umaga’s face for another near win. It looked great if nothing else and that’s what they were going for there.

Back in and Umaga, whose head is hard enough to survive having steps thrown at them, grabs a bearhug into a belly to belly. Umaga puts the steps up in the corner but the running Umaga Attack only hits steel. Another steps to the head shot drops Umaga again but Cena’s high crossbody (Just….why?) is countered into a swinging Rock Bottom (Oh….that’s why.). A low blog gets Cena out of trouble and he hits the Throwback onto the steps. The entire finishing sequence is initiated onto the steps but Umaga is too heavy for the FU, sending Cena head first into the steps and busting him open in the process.

That’s only good for nine and the fans think Cena sucks (now that’s more like it). Cena somehow gets all fired up and tells Umaga to bring it, meaning a bunch of right hands and a Samoan drop to crush Cena all over again. So I guess that’s Umaga bringing it. Cena gets tied in the Tree of Woe but Umaga misses a running headbutt. A whip sends Umaga into the post, followed by a heck of a monitor shot to the head. I mean, it shouldn’t work on Umaga but that’s what they do around here.

For some reason Cena dives at him and gets driven back first into the post to change control again. You would think Cena would learn at some point. It’s time to load up the announcers’ tables and since there are three of them, Cena is laid on the third one for a running splash but Cena moves, likely clued in by the running Samoan charging at him. That’s only good for nine so Estrada unhooks a rope for the sake of setting up the finish. The turnbuckle is ripped off and Cena grabs an FU before choking Umaga out with the rope in the STF to retain at 23:10.

Rating: B+. There wasn’t exactly any subtlety in this one and there’s nothing wrong with that. Last Man Standing matches are designed to be wild brawls with both guys beating the heck out of each other which is exactly what we got here. Cena had to go to another place to retain the title here and that’s the kind of match he needed to boost him to another level. Really fun brawl here with Umaga playing his role perfectly as the monster that has to be stopped somehow.

Wrestlemania ad.

Sandman goes to pick his number but sprays beer everywhere instead. Ric Flair comes in and Kelly hits on him. The lights go out and the rest of Extreme Expose (Brooke Adams and Layla) come in to dance. Again: back in the day when there were jobs for sexy women whose job was nothing more than to be sexy and dance in tiny outfits. There is something to be said about the old days.

We look back at various famous Rumble moments and winners in a nice touch as this is the 20th Rumble. That being said, how many times can we have THE MOST STAR STUDDED ROYAL RUMBLE IN HISTORY???

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals with Ric Flair in at #1 (That’s the second time he’s been #1. In five appearances he entered #3, #1, #5, #30 and #1 for some of the worst luck ever in this thing.) and Finlay in at #2 in what could be a very interesting midcard match if they were given some time. The promos alone could be interesting. Finlay easily wins a battle of the forearms and catches Flair with a backdrop. A rake to the eyes gets Flair out of trouble and it’s Kenny Dykstra (a twenty year old who has given Flair some issues before) in at #3.

Kenny knocks Flair down but has to save himself from Finlay. Some chops cut Kenny off and it’s Matt Hardy in at #4. Still not much going on aside from a bunch of right hands so it’s Edge in at #5 for some spears. Flair is knocked through the ropes to the floor and comes up with a pair of chairs. Matt cuts Edge off with a clothesline but Edge is still up to get rid of Flair without much effort. Edge tosses Dykstra as well and Tommy Dreamer is in at #6. Matt can’t get Edge out as the announcers joke about how Lawler survived for a long time by hiding underneath the ring. To be fair, it was a smart idea.

Sabu is in at #7 and sets up a table at ringside to fulfill general expectations. Dreamer clotheslines him out of the air though as Jerry impresses the commentators by remembering all of Sabu’s nicknames. Cruiserweight Champion (for a YEAR now) Gregory Helms is in at #8 as this isn’t exactly lighting the world up so far. More eliminations are teased but there’s just nothing going on at the moment and it’s really starting to show. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and nearly gets Matt out but can’t quite put him near the tables.

Matt can’t suplex Shelton out either and it’s Kane in at #10 (CLEAN THE RING OUT!), giving us a group of Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Dreamer, Sabu, Helms, Benjamin and Kane. House is cleaned in a hurry with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam to Helms and a chokeslam to Edge. Dreamer and Sabu, the latter via a chokeslam through the table, are tossed without much effort (good, as they were nothing more than filler anyway as no one took ECW seriously at this point). CM Punk, not yet a big star, is in at #11 and goes right for Edge which just feels right. We’re getting back into the same lull we were in earlier, just with some bigger names.

Finlay punches Punk down but can’t get him out (I’m as shocked as you are). King Booker is in at #12 and quickly eliminates Helms. Matt and Finlay can’t get rid of Kane so people keep running around and punch each other until Super Crazy (complete with lawnmower noises to start his entrance) is in at #13. More eliminations are teased with no eliminations so Jeff Hardy comes in at #14, hopefully firing things up a bit. We get some double teaming but NO ELIMINATIONS, even when they get in a fight with Kane.

The Sandman, coming through the crowd, is in at #15, cracks some people with the kendo stick, and is eliminated by Booker in about fifteen seconds. Jeff and Punk both manage to survive and it’s Randy Orton (with the sweet Burn in My Light theme) in at #16. Orton and Edge immediately get together to eliminate Crazy and both Hardys, thankfully clearing some of the ring out. US Champion Chris Benoit is in at #17 and slugs away at Booker before grabbing some German suplexes on various people. There’s very little to talk about between these entrances aside from kicking and the occasional suplex.

Rob Van Dam is in at #18 and starts firing off the kicks. Kane gets rid of Booker, who gets back in and dumps Kane like a royal jerk. The fight continues at ringside as Viscera, complete with smoking jacket, is in at #19. Rob hammers on Finlay as the announcers make a bunch of fat jokes about Viscera. Johnny Nitro is in at #20, giving us Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam, Viscera and Nitro. It also gives us another section of NOTHING HAPPENING until Benoit throws Shelton over the top but since that might be interesting, Benjamin gets back in.

Kevin Thorn is in at #21 giving us another meaningless body in there. A dropkick knocks Nitro into Viscera but some clotheslines can’t get rid of the big man. Hardcore Holly comes in at #22 and the crowd is just DONE. How boring of a match does it take to kill the freaking Royal Rumble crowd? Rob hangs on off a catapult to the apron as there are way too many people in the ring as we wait on someone to come in and clean house.

A bunch of people can’t get rid of Viscera so it’s hometown boy Shawn Michaels in at #23 and PLEASE HELP US!!! Shawn hits a Thesz press on Finlay (the only person not trying to get rid of Viscera) and dumps him without much effort. Viscera is finally dumped after a superkick from Shawn and everyone else getting together. Shawn gets rid of Shelton and somehow the ring is still overcrowded. Chris Masters is in at #24 and Benoit eliminates Nitro. Chavo Guerrero is in at #25 to really bring up the energy.

Benoit gets rid of Thorn as well and Rob can’t find someone to kick. MVP is in at #26 and dang I missed that clock entrance. Rob dropkicks Masters out as they’re doing a good job of keeping the total about the same at worst and going down when they can. Some right hands from Orton can’t get rid of Punk and it’s Carlito in at lucky #27. JBL insults Cole as is his custom while Shawn is put to the apron and BARELY hangs on in a spot that wakes the crowd up a bit. Great Khali is in at #28 and he has get rid of a bunch of people. Everyone gets chopped down with Holly being the only one eliminated.

Miz (JBL: “Don’t worry King, I hate him too.”) is in at #29 and Khali gets rid of him in short order. Van Dam, Punk, Carlito, Chavo and Benoit all go out at Khali’s hands and it’s a Punjabi Plunge to Shawn. There’s one name left and there’s the gong to give fans hope over Khali. Of course it’s Undertaker in at #30, giving us a final group of Edge, Orton, Shawn, MVP, Khali and Undertaker. The giant slugout is on with Undertaker getting the better of it and clotheslining Khali out to REALLY wake the fans up.

Old School hits MVP and we’re down to four in a hurry. MVP grabs a chair but Orton takes it away and caves in Undertaker’s head. Edge teases spearing Orton but Randy has to catch Shawn with an RKO, sending him underneath the ropes to the floor. A bloody Undertaker gets beaten down by Edge and Orton but of course comes back with right hands and running clotheslines in the corner. The double clothesline puts them down again and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot on Edge.

A chokeslam on Orton is broken up with a spear and Edge blasts Undertaker with the chair. JBL points out the problem that knocking him down makes it even harder to throw him out, which is the only smart point he’s made all night. A Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn comes back in to get rid of Orton and Edge. Shawn collapses and it’s Undertaker sitting up, closely followed by Shawn’s nip up and you it’s on now.

Undertaker misses a charge in the corner and Shawn hammers away but gets whipped hard over the buckles. Shawn hangs on with one arm (like he did in 1995) and punches his way out as you can feel the energy here. Another Flair Flip in the corner puts Shawn on the apron but Undertaker misses a running boot and winds up on the apron. Shawn’s running forearm can’t get rid of him and a second attempt eats an elbow, allowing Undertaker to get back in.

Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker and both guys are down again. That means it’s time for the slugout as the fans are almost entirely behind Shawn. A big boot cuts Shawn down but he hangs on the apron again. Undertaker puts him on top and they slug it out with Shawn doing some of the best milking of the drama that you’ll ever see. Shawn FINALLY knocks him back to the mat and drops the top rope elbow.

Sweet Chin Music is blocked though and it’s a chokeslam to put Shawn down again. Somehow Shawn pops up with another superkick and they’re both down for what feels like the fifth time. Shawn tries another superkick with Undertaker against the ropes (how Shawn won in 1996) but gets backdropped out to the floor to give Undertaker the win, making him the first #30 entrant to ever win.

Rating: C-. Shawn and Undertaker just came as close as you can get to saving a really boring match with a ten minute segment. That was some of the best drama you’ll ever see and you could actually feel the drama at the level you almost never get in the Rumble, right up there with Hogan vs. Warrior back in 1990. Absolutely incredible finish there and they would have been crazy to not run that match at Wrestlemania at some point. It took two years but I’d say it worked well to put it mildly.

The rest of the Rumble though….egads. This was a wreck with WAY too many stretches of people laying around and doing almost nothing at all. You shouldn’t have more than eight or nine people in the match but for some reason they had over ten in there multiple times. There was almost nothing in there until Undertaker came in and that’s WAY too late to make this work. It doesn’t help that almost no big story for the first eighty percent of the match, which really makes the match a chore to sit through. Just check out the ending though because that stuff is incredible.

Shawn looks like he’s about to cry and Undertaker points at him. Undertaker soaks in the victory and does the pose at the Wrestlemania sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The ending of the Rumble helps this a lot and the Last Man Standing match is great but the rest of the show just wasn’t working at all. This wasn’t the best time for the company as they were trying to develop some midcard talent but it wasn’t quite there yet. It was still a good show but there was a lot to be desired, especially in the Rumble. Give the Rumble a better middle and this show goes way up. As it is though, it’s just pretty good.

Ratings Comparison

Hardy Boyz vs. MNM

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B

Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: F

Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista

Original: B-

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

John Cena vs. Umaga

Original: C

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: C+

My jaw kept falling lower and lower with each of those original ratings. The Rumble rating just shouldn’t have been that high either time though.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/26/royal-rumble-count-up-2007-the-best-spot-finally-wins/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2007-the-battle-of-texas/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2003: Some High Quality Professional Wrestling

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Smackdown – August 14, 2003: The XFL, the WBF and Cracker Barrel vs. Bob Evans

Smackdown
Date: August 14, 2003
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in a new era around here as Brock Lesnar has turned heel again, this time siding with Vince McMahon against Smackdown World Champion Kurt Angle. You can pretty much guarantee the Summerslam title match now, but it does beg the question of why Vince refused to give Lesnar a title shot in the first place. Either this plan came together in the span of a week or there’s a bit of a lack of logic there. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s a smug Vince to get things going. Vince wants to talk about the REAL Brock Lesnar, many of whom probably think they know quite well. He won the NCAA Title right here and the fans may know some things about him, but there’s a side Vince knows and we don’t. Brock is really an animal (at least he’s not a manster, which Cole is still trying to get over) and we see a few clips to sum up last week’s charade.

This includes Angle being tossed into the cage, which Vince says is Brock’s version of dwarf tossing. Brock comes out and explains his definition of friendship. The only reason you need friends is to help yourself but after that’s no longer an option, they’re no longer your friend. As soon as Angle became champion, Angle’s value to him ended. The fans can’t judge him because they would do the same. They suck too.

Vince gets to the bigger point: Angle is defending against Brock at Summerslam. This brings out Stephanie (dang it had been a nice two weeks and dang that’s some really bad canned applause) and Brock seems to hide behind Vince. Give him another ten years or so. Stephanie yells at Vince for sending A-Train to attack her so Sable could win a match. She thinks Vince is scared of her having power but she’s not going to quit.

Vince is a great businessman but as a father and husband, he’s a piece of garbage. Screeching mode ensues with Stephanie shouting that Vince is NOTHING. Vince says that Stephanie is a bad investment, but the worst investment was the day he married Linda. As for tonight though, Stephanie can face A-Train. That’s three out of four TV main events with a McMahon in the ring and again, I can’t say I’m surprised. They did make this faster though as it only took fourteen minutes instead of sixteen, all to set up Stephanie vs. A-Train.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas and Benjamin are defending. Kidman and Haas start things off and we hit that Stephanie discussion. An armdrag takes Haas down but Shelton kicks Kidman’s knee out and cannonballs down for good measure. A missed charge allows the hot tag to Rey though and things speed way back up. They seem to botch something in the corner but Rey switches into an attempt at a tornado DDT.

That’s broken up as well as Shelton throws him up for something like a northern lights suplex….which hurts Shelton? Was it supposed to have been turned into a neckbreaker? Anyway Haas gets in a cheap shot from behind and Shelton grabs a t-bone for two. Everything breaks down with Kidman diving onto Haas, leaving Shelton to take a super hurricanrana for a delayed two.

We take a break and come back with Rey taking a big backdrop to the floor and clutching his knee. It’s Mysterio so that’s likely six months off. Charlie takes over by choking on the ropes and starts kicking at the ribs. Not the knee that Rey was holding of course, but the ribs. It makes sense when his finisher is the Haas of Pain but they’re kind of ignoring what they’re being handed.

Benjamin comes in for a bearhug and an abdominal stretch. As usual, I greatly approve of mixing up your holds when you have so many options. Shelton’s jump onto Rey’s back gives Charlie two and a dropkick to the ribs makes things even worse for Rey. Haas grabs an armbar of all things, allowing Rey to hit a dropkick of his own. That bangs up his knee again though and Shelton breaks up the hot tag. They’re building the heck out of that thing and it’s working very well. Imagine that: it’s easy to sympathize with Mysterio.

Rey gets in a flying mare though and a basement dropkick allows the hot tag to Kidman. Everything breaks down in a hurry as Kidman takes both champs down, including a BK Bomb for two on Haas. A belly to belly cuts Kidman off but it’s Mysterio springboarding in with the legdrop for a sweet save.

Rey hurricanranas Benjamin to the floor and powerbombs Haas off the ropes, right into shooting star press position. The referee is too busy watching Rey 619 Benjamin though, allowing Haas to kick out at two. Awesome sequence. Benjamin tries to grab a belt but Rey takes it away, distracting the referee long enough that Benjamin can superkick Kidman into a rollup to retain.

Rating: B+. Heck of a match between these teams and that’s all you could have expected. Kidman and Mysterio work very well together and it’s no surprise that they were able to have a highly entertaining and quality match with another very talented team. I could live with this a lot more if Mysterio wasn’t the Cruiserweight Champion but really, who else is there for him to face at the moment other than Kidman?

Doug Basham vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn goes straight at him to start and hits some clotheslines as the announcers talk about Shaniqua. The hiptoss into a neckbreaker gets two as Shaniqua throws Torrie in. The distraction lets the Bashams hit a Russian legsweep/clothesline combo (the Ball and Gag, because of course it is) for the very fast pin.

Post match the Bashams keep up the beating until Jamie Noble runs in to save Torrie (and her torn trunks). Thankfully the Bashams don’t run from the powers of redneck violence and everyone is beaten down. The beatdown takes two or three times as long as the match.

The APA thinks Shaniqua is Shelton Benjamin in drag. Faarooq shifts gears and thinks the APA Offices should be opened again. Bradshaw goes back to the Shaniqua thing and it’s really not funny.

Big Show leaves Vince’s office with a smile on his face.

Undertaker vs. A-Train is set for Summerslam. You may notice the lack of Rey Mysterio and John Cena on the pay per view. No room for people like that of course.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

Show tosses him down without much effort and breaks up a waistlock without about as little effort. Some clotheslines stagger Show though and Undertaker slips out of a chokeslam into a Fujiwara armbar. A DDT gets a very bad looking cover (Undertaker was over his arms and face instead of the shoulders) and the apron legdrop makes things even worse for Show.

Old School connects but Undertaker walks into a side slam to bang up his previously bad ribs. Show’s clothesline gets two but the fans aren’t impressed and tell him he sucks. Well yeah but you don’t have to remind him of it so often. Undertaker gets in the jumping clothesline and a legdrop for two before the straps come down. You don’t see that too often from Undertaker and he goes into boxing mode in the corner.

Show grabs the referee to block the chokeslam though and hits the bad ribs. The referee is down from a shot that shouldn’t have dropped him and the fight goes outside. Show gets posted and clotheslined into the crowd, only to have A-Train come in with a 2×4 to Undertaker’s ribs. Only Show can beat the ten and wins by countout.

Rating: D+. This was better than I would have guessed and it did help set up the pay per view match. Big Show is kind of just there again but that’s the case with him more often than not. Maybe he’ll heat up a bit down the line but for now, it seems time for him to fall back down from the main event scene. As for Undertaker vs. A-Train…well maybe it’ll be short.

Post break, Undertaker needs to be treated before he interferes in the “main event”.

Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit are on commentary. Tajiri kicks away to start until a hard clothesline takes him down. Rhyno, with a glare at Eddie, gets two off a suplex. Another kick gives Tajiri the same as they’re certainly not wasting time here. Benoit and Eddie debate Bob Evans vs. Cracker Barrel as Tajiri sends Rhyno into the corner and hits the Buzzsaw Kick for the fast pin.

Post match Benoit wants a ride in Eddie’s truck but first, we need some hydraulics. That’s too much for Eddie who leaves Benoit in the truck and walks away. Benoit isn’t often put into comedy roles but it worked well here. It’s still not something he should be doing too often but once in a while, it’s entertaining.

Zach Gowen vs. John Cena

Before the match, Cena raps about Gowen having one leg, including saying he would be the perfect partner in a three legged race. Normally I wouldn’t laugh but having to keep Gowen around as a glorified mascot has made me lose a lot of patience for him. Cena runs him over with a hard shoulder before working Gowen over in the corner. The FU is teased but Cena lets him down, instead having the super version countered into a flying armbar on Cena’s bad shoulder. That’s good for two but the FU puts Gowen away in short order.

Rating: D. Do you get the idea with Gowen yet? I didn’t know if him doing the same thing over and over again was enough to make the idea clear yet. Cena winning and winning in short order should seal Gowen’s fate just a little bit more but leave it to WWE to keep going with the guy and not get the hint just yet.

We recap Undertaker and A-Train from earlier.

Stephanie is warming up (good thing she had gear ready) and the fans seem pleased. I mean the outfit being very low cut has a lot to do with it but Stephanie will take any cheering there is to be had. A-Train comes in and hints at wanting rough sex. I’ll leave you with getting that image out of your head.

During the break, Matt Hardy jumped Gowen as he was leaving the arena. I knew I always liked Matt for a reason.

Spanky, in what looks like a Kool-Aid shirt, chugs chocolate syrup and gets some on Vince. The boss doesn’t recognize Kendrick, who says he’s been working here for like a year (it hasn’t even been five months since he officially got a contract in storyline terms). Kendrick is annoyed and brings up the failures of the XFL and the WBF (I didn’t know the second was allowed to be mentioned). As a result, he’ll face Brock later tonight.

Spanky vs. Brock Lesnar

The opening charge is cut off by three straight powerbombs and Tazz wants the match stopped. Instead it’s a LOUD chair shot to the head to bust Spanky open for the DQ. That was horrible looking and I can’t say I’m all that surprised. Brock does look like a killer though. Cole: “This is not about chocolate syrup.”

Post destruction, Spanks is pressed ribs first into the post and is covered with more blood. Vince comes out to smile at his new toy.

Stephanie McMahon vs. A-Train

Let’s get this over with. Before the match Vince introduces Sable as the guest ring announcer. Stephanie tries to get at Sable, who makes it no countouts. The catfight is on, much like the canned heat. A-Train comes out and runs Stephanie over before hitting a running splash in the corner.

Vince gives it a thumbs down and A-Train puts her over the shoulder, only to have Undertaker come to the aisle for the brawl. Undertaker chairs A-Train in the back (I guess no countout now means no DQ) but Big Show comes in for the save. Now it’s Undertaker getting chaired in the ribs, allowing A-Train to go back in and hit a Vader Bomb for the win.

Vince and Sable kiss to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener helps this a lot but EGADS the A-Train and McMahon’s stuff is killing this show. If you don’t like the tales of the boss and his family, there’s no point to watching most of this show. There’s some good wrestling but most of the time it feels like they’re just throwing stuff out there for the sake of throwing it out there with Vince vs. Stephanie getting most of the time and thought.

It would be nice if they actually had a reason to be fighting but really, it’s something about Vince being a bad father and Vince not just firing her for some reason. Such is life on Smackdown, but maybe Summerslam can help things a bit. Then again that might suggest that this story is ever going to end, or if anything else really matters around here. The dead times continue for this show and I can’t imagine that changing in the near future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Bragging Rights 2009: Even Attempted Murderers Need Rest Periods

It was mentioned that this wasn’t up so here’s a bit of a bonus.

Bragging Rights 2009
Date: October 25, 2009
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 13,562
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is back in the days of Raw vs. Smackdown meaning something but in this case there are two major matches.  In addition to the Raw vs. Smackdown match, we also have John Cena vs. Randy Orton in an Iron Man match because all the other pay per view matches those two have had haven’t been enough. The card really is built around those two matches and I’m not sure what else there is to mention. Undertaker is also defending his Smackdown World Title in a four way match, which means eighteen people are involved in two matches. That might explain the hour long Iron Man match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the seven on seven brand supremacy match with Orton and Cena not even being mentioned. The rest of the show is really just filler around those two and that might be better all things considered. You would think the title match would warrant a mention though.

There are three Raw vs. Smackdown matches tonight and the winner gets a trophy. Yeah the whole Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown match that the show is built around is only a third of the formula.

We recap Miz (US Champion, Smackdown) vs. John Morrison (Intercontinental Champion, Raw). This is basically a showdown that would have happened anyway as they used to be a big tag team and now they’ve split with an argument over who was the Shawn and who was the Marty. In other words it’s catchphrase vs. skill though Morrison was considered a much stronger prospect around this time.

Miz vs. John Morrison

Non-title. The ropes are half blue and half red for a cool visual. Morrison takes him to the mat to start and Miz bails to the ropes like a good heel should. Miz is driven into the corner but heads outside for an early breather. Back in and Miz gets caught in a flapjack, followed by Morrison’s standing shooting star for two. The Moonlight Drive is broken up so Morrison settles for a hard clothesline to the floor, only to have Morrison get thrown out as well for a much nastier crash.

Miz cranks on both arms for a bit before putting on a quickly broken chinlock. A slugout goes to Morrison (of course) and a leg lariat gets two. The Flying Chuck (springboard kick to the face) gets the same and now the fans are getting into these near falls. Miz bails to the floor and takes a corkscrew dive but he breaks up Starship Pain (split legged corkscrew moonsault) and pins Morrison at 10:54.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but that ending was really quite lame. The crash and burn for Morrison was fine but Miz couldn’t throw in a Skull Crushing Finale? After a strong build up to this, you would kind of expect more than just what we were given here. If nothing else though, I was really glad to see Miz win here as he’s worked hard after being considered a nothing guy while Morrison was rolling on charisma for a long time.

We look back at Smackdown with Team Smackdown beating defeated by another group of five, meaning the winners took their places. Both lineups had Chris Jericho and Kane as co-captains but the original lineup of:

Dolph Ziggler, Eric Escobar, Drew McIntyre and Cryme Tyme

Has been replaced by:

R-Truth, Matt Hardy, Finlay and the Hart Dynasty

It should be noted that the match match where the new team won didn’t have Shad Gaspard, who was out sick. It’s also not a good sign that they switched a team out with just two days before the pay per view.

Cody Rhodes, part of Team Raw tonight, is bragging about how awesome his show is when R-Truth comes in. Rhodes berates him so Truth says the only reasons Cody is here are Dusty Rhodes and Randy Orton. Big Show comes in to say Raw (his team) will win.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Smackdown vs. Raw. Natalya is part of the Hart Family and Kelly Kelly is a model who eventually became a pretty good worker. Michelle (who has gotten a very nice haircut since we last saw her) and Melina are the respective brand’s women’s champions. Beth and Gail get things going with Phoenix quickly dominating. It’s off to Natalya who is quickly rolled up for two.

Natalya misses a charge in the corner so Gail can sit on the back of her head and bring in Kelly. A screaming headscissors drops Natalya but she drops Kelly across the top rope for two. Kelly gets caught in the wrong corner and it’s off to Michelle for some bad looking knee drops. Beth won’t let Kelly get over for the tag and Michelle comes back in for some knees to the face. A jawbreaker finally lets Kelly tag Melina in and house is cleaned. Beth stops her with a slingshot suplex and everything breaks down. Everyone else goes outside and it’s the Glam Slam (double chickenwing faceplant) to put Melina away at 6:54.

Rating: C-. This was fine but there was absolutely no doubt who was going to win here thanks to the best of three format. It really is amazing to see how strong the division was around this time before it collapsed with the rise of the Bellas and everyone else leaving around the same time. The match wasn’t bad but just filler and a way to get the women on the show.

HHH gives Team Raw a pep talk but brings up all the stuff they’ve made fun of Mark Henry for over the years. Jack Swagger isn’t worried about the match and Shawn threatens to replace him with the first person he sees. Hornswoggle comes in and Shawn quickly changes his mind. The team eventually rallies around DX.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Undertaker defending against CM Punk (getting another rematch), Batista and Rey Mysterio (friends who are getting shots because they’re former champions).

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk vs. Batista

Punk runs around to start and causes Undertaker to blast Batista with a clothesline. The champ sends Punk to the floor so Mysterio can dive off the apron to take him down, leaving us with a Batista vs. Undertaker showdown. Old School keeps Batista in trouble but Punk saves Mysterio from the same fate. A superplex drops Undertaker and Rey springboards in with a splash for two as Punk makes a save.

Batista comes back in to go after Punk but eats a big boot from Undertaker. Rey’s springboard is countered into a Last Ride, only to have Batista spear Undertaker down for the save. Rey scores with a 619 to send Undertaker into the spinebuster but Punk makes the save again. Hell’s Gate has Batista in trouble but….yeah you know who breaks it up. That just earns Punk a Last Ride for two and there’s a chokeslam to Batista for two.

Punk is tossed outside so the big guys can go at it even more with Batista hitting a quick Batista Bomb for two as Mysterio makes a save of his own. That’s not cool with Rey’s friend Batista and they get in an argument, allowing Undertaker to chokeslam Batista for two more. A double clothesline drops both of them so Punk can cover both of them for two. Batista gets back up and tosses Rey again, only to walk into the Tombstone to retain Undertaker’s title at 9:58.

Rating: B+. They were smart to keep this one a bit shorter as it allowed the match to be this energetic throughout. This wouldn’t have been as good with the laying around and it allowed Punk to keep running in and out and Undertaker and Batista to do all the big power stuff. Strong stuff here and a good bonus, though it’s not going to mean anything in the long run.

Post match, Josh Matthews goes inside to talk to Rey and Batista. Rey says it was a good try but Batista asks the fans if they were close. Batista thinks he was close but he was tired of only coming this close and of his best friend stabbing him in the back. Batista: “I’m not playing. I’m gonna rip your head off.” And he comes pretty close with a big clothesline as Smackdown has a new monster heel. Rey is thrown hard into the barricade and kicked in the head before Batista slowly walks away.

This was an EXCELLENT turn as Batista had a good reason to go after Mysterio but it still looks like a big guy treating a smaller one like a loser for his own failures. In other words, Batista looks like a jerk who is abusing his power and the fans will want to see Mysterio try and get some revenge, even if that’s not likely. Really good stuff here and something I’d love to see happen more often. Not necessarily this specific thing but something character based and logical.

The fans are split on who wins here.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw – Shawn Michaels, HHH, Cody Rhodes, Big Show, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger

Smackdown – Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, Hart Dynasty

One fall to a finish here. The Hart Dynasty are Tyson Kidd (speed) and David Hart-Smith (power). Cody and Truth get things going and everyone is wrestling in a red or blue shirt. Well save for DX because they’re special. Rhodes spins around and grabs a leg but Big Show tags himself in.

Truth isn’t crazy (yet) so he brings in Kane for the giant showdown. Show quickly puts Kane down and drops a leg before bringing in Swagger for some shots to the back. It’s already off to Hardy to clothesline Swagger as the announcers push the idea that the wrestlers all really want to be the best. Normally that means with titles but let’s just go with bragging rights instead. They head outside to start the big showdown as Swagger loses his shirt. But how will I know which side he’s on?

Hardy is dragged into the corner for some arm cranks from Henry. A big elbow misses but Mark easily throws Matt into the corner, meaning it’s time for Shawn to come in. You can hear the fans get fired up now because it’s starting to get serious. Shawn may be great but he allows the tag off to Finlay for some heavy shots of his own. Sweet Chin Music makes up for it but a blind tag brings in Hart-Smith who helps hit a quick springboard Hart Attack for two on Michaels, meaning it’s time for some selling.

Jericho slaps on the chinlock (“ASK HIM! ASK HIM!”) before bringing in Kane for one of his own. David makes it three chinlocks in a row but Tyson’s springboard elbow misses and the hot tag brings in HHH. A series of spinebusters have Smackdown in tatters but Kane stops HHH with a chokeslam. HHH puts Jericho down though and it’s off to Kofi as everything speeds way up.

Trouble in Paradise gets two on Chris as everything breaks down into the parade of secondary finishers. Cole: “VINTAGE BRAGGING RIGHTS!” It’s been on the air for less than an hour and a half and there’s a vintage era? Anyway Big Show turns on his partners (because he’s Big Show) and chokeslams Kofi to give Jericho the pin at 15:40.

Rating: B. You can only get so far on a made up rivalry with fourteen people having to cram in all their stuff in the span of less than sixteen minutes. It certainly wasn’t bad though and both teams were more than fine, albeit a bit stretched as a lot of the guys didn’t quite fit the level as people like DX, Jericho and Kane. Big Show screwing over his team wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world either as he does it so often but at least it makes it clear that Raw was better until Smackdown got some help. You know, in case anyone thought otherwise.

We recap Cena vs. Orton in yet another match as this rivalry cannot die. Orton attacked Cena’s dad to make it even more personal and if Orton wins, Cena is off Raw. Yeah just keep pretending it’s not obvious now. This is billed as the final showdown, which WWE is usually pretty good about holding up. In this case though, I give it two months at most.

Kofi and Cody argue over why Raw lost and get in a fight over it with Kofi being left laying.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, anything goes, falls count anywhere Iron Man rules, meaning the most falls in sixty minutes wins. The introduction makes sure to point out that there will be a thirty second rest period between falls, which will come into play later. They start slow (makes sense) with Orton getting caught in a headlock, only to send Cena hard into the corner. The champ slowly stomps away but Cena grabs the STF for the immediate tap out at 3:56 (all times listed will be total and the thirty second rest periods count towards the time limit) as Orton wants to get out of the hold to avoid damage.

1-0 Cena

Orton is right back up with a powerslam for two as we’re five minutes in. The very slow pace continues as we hit the chinlock on Cena. Back up and Cena initiates his finishing sequence but takes too long loading up the Five Knuckle Shuffle, allowing Orton to pop up and hit an RKO to tie things up at 9:00.

1-1

With ten minutes left, Orton knocks Cena off the apron and into the barricade. Now it’s time for the anything goes aspect to take effect as Orton hits Cena in the head with a monitor for two on the floor. Back in and Orton calmly hits him in the head with a microphone for another near fall. Things slow down though as the referee has to check a cut on Cena’s head and the clock is actually stopped.

Cena will have none of that and charges at Orton with right hands in the corner. They go outside again with Cena going into the steps to slow him right back down. Cena is sent into the barricade as we hit fifteen minutes in. You don’t keep Cena down with just a few shots like that though and it’s already time for the FU, only to have Orton catch him with an RKO to counter. That means a double pin (with Orton having to adjust his arms to get the spot right) at 16:46 to keep us tied up.

2-2

The medical staff uses the break to fix the cut in a smart use of time. Orton goes shoulder first into the post to give Cena a breather. That breather doesn’t last long though as he puts Orton on the top rope for a super AA to give him the lead back at 19:23. You would think that would be a bigger spot for later in the match.

3-2 Cena

During the break, here’s Legacy to beat Orton down to give Orton an easy pin to tie it up at 20:46.

3-3

Kofi runs in to chase them off, which makes sense given the segment with Rhodes earlier. Nicely done WWE. Orton and Cena are left alone and a double clothesline lets them burn off some more time. Cena takes him down by the legs and it’s time to go outside again. Cena takes him up the aisle until Orton sends him into the barricade for two. They head over to the tech area and Orton sends him into the board to set off some pyro. That gives Orton an idea and this can’t end well. Randy sends him through a piece of the lighting grid for a fall at 25:20.

4-3 Orton

With Cena down, Orton goes over and starts playing with the pyro board. Like a real villain, Orton throws Cena onto the stage AND TRIES TO BLOW HIM UP WITH FIREWORKS. It doesn’t actually work but that’s quite the heel move. You know, attempted murder and all that. They go back to the ring because there’s less violence to be found there. The champ sends him into the steps and we hit halftime.

Orton throws the steps at his head for two before cracking him over the back with a chair for two. We’re firmly into the “there’s no reason to believe he can kick out of these things” territory. Back in and Cena grabs a small package to tie it up at 32:40. Orton beats the heck out of Cena during the break but the referee makes sure to enforce the thirty second break. TO THE ATTEMPTED MURDERER!

4-4

Cena is basically done though and Orton makes it even worse with the elevated DDT off the apron for a fall at 35:04.

5-4 Orton

Randy is smart enough to immediately go for the cover but Cena kicks out despite likely needing to be in a hospital. The beating continues back inside with Orton hammering him in the chest for two. Orton wastes a few minutes walking around (smart) and hitting Cena every now and then, which makes sense as we have twenty minutes left and they’re probably running out of big spots.

Cena, with the blood flowing again, gets in a right hand to send Orton up the ramp. The chase goes nowhere so Orton pounds away back inside. The threat of an AA sends Orton running into the crowd with Cena slowly giving chase (well he walks briskly at least) as the clock keeps ticking. Cena finally catches him and hits the champ with a trashcan. See, at least Cena keeps the violence on a lower level.

The beating knocks Orton back towards the ring as we have fifteen minutes to go. Cena gets a few near falls at ringside before sending him through the barricade. The steps go into Orton’s head and we have ten minutes left. Those steps are sat next to the table and an AA through the table ties it up again at 51:46.

5-5

Cena covers again after the rest period ends but only gets two. It’s time for another table in the ring but Orton avoids the top rope legdrop to drive Cena through instead. Five minutes to go now and both guys are down again. They slug it out with four minutes left as they’re clearly spent. The slugging continues with neither guy getting an advantage as we have three minutes left. Of course Cena’s cardio is fine as he starts the shoulders but takes the referee out by mistake.

There’s an RKO but there’s no referee. Another one comes in and count two with two minutes left, earning himself a beating from the champ. The Punt misses with a minute left and Cena grabs the STF with fifty five seconds to go. Orton hangs on as long as he can but as you might expect, he taps out with three seconds left to give Cena the title back at 60:00 with a final score of 6-5.

Rating: B. It’s entertaining for the most part but you could really see them running out of things to do after awhile. Having Cena win at the very end keeps both of them looking equal, which is fine, but doesn’t quite make Cena look like the big winner of the feud. There was no real reason for this to be an Iron Man match but at least there was one memorable spot with the pyro.

The biggest problem here is still the burnout between these two. The fans had seen them time after time and there’s almost no reason to get interested in seeing them fight one more time, especially for an hour. They’re firmly at the point where people don’t want to see them wrestle no matter what happens and that’s never a good thing. Oh and as for the “final” meeting: they fought again before Christmas.

A long recap for a long match wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B. Not a bad show for the most part but you could cut out the first two Raw vs. Smackdown matches and no one would notice. That being said, I kind of like the idea of shortening the series to just three matches instead of doing seven or nine matches to accomplish the same goal. It would have been nice to have some other stuff going on besides the two main events and the fourway helped a good bit but the show still felt like it was all about those two matches and nothing else. At least the wrestling was strong though and that’s more important than so many other things.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1998: You Can’t Stop Destiny

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

 

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

 

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

 

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

 

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

 

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

 

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

 

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

 

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

 

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

 

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

 

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

 

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

 

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

 

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

 

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

 

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

 

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

 

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

 

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

 

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

 

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

 

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

 

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

 

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

 

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

 

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

 

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

 

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

 

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

.what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6