Smackdown – August 15, 2017: They Might Have Just Saved Summerslam
Smackdown Date: August 15, 2017 Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield
It’s the last show before Summerslam and there’s a big main event to send us home. This week features Jinder Mahal vs. John Cena in a non-title match, which likely means that Baron Corbin and Shinsuke Nakamura will be lurking around. Other than that we’ll be pushing some of Sunday’s lower card matches as well. Let’s get to it.
A narrated video talks about tonight’s main event.
Phillips says this might be the biggest match in Smackdown’s history. This isn’t even Cena’s biggest match on Smackdown this month.
Here’s Mahal to talk about today being Independence Day in India. An Indian band performs a quick dance and then a woman sings the Indian national anthem. Mahal takes credit for the success of the WWE Network and goes on about how awesome India is until Nakamura interrupts. Nakamura says today is India’s Independence Day but it’s also Veterans Day in Japan. On Sunday, he’s taking the title. This was long and accomplished absolutely nothing.
The announcers send their best wishes to Ric Flair.
Natalya vs. Becky Lynch
Naomi comes out for commentary. Becky grabs a rollup for one but gets the taste slapped out of her mouth. That earns her a slap right back, sending Natalya to the floor as we take a break. Back with Becky caught in an abdominal stretch until she makes her comeback with the clotheslines. The Bexploder looks to set up the Disarm-Her but Becky has to escape the Sharpshooter. A top rope legdrop misses though and the Sharpshooter makes Becky tap at 7:33.
Rating: D+. Natalya continues to be the same performer she’s been for years now: completely competent in the ring but mostly lacking charisma or anything interesting. I still don’t know why she’s getting the shot when you have Becky and Charlotte on the sidelines. In theory they’re saving that for a bigger stage, but there’s not much of a bigger stage than Summerslam. Unless they’re just setting up the Money in the Bank cash-in and don’t want to waste a big match, I really don’t get the point in a glorified midcard match for the title.
Post match Naomi chases Natalya off from another Sharpshooter attack. Carmella comes out and teases cashing in her briefcase at Summerslam.
Tamina wants to know why Lana hasn’t made her ravishing yet. Lana says Tamina isn’t ready, which doesn’t sit well.
The Usos come in to see Daniel Bryan, who thinks they want him to join their rap group. It turns out they want to know which New Day members they’ll be facing Sunday. That would be Big E. and Xavier Woods, but the Usos want Woods and Kofi tonight. That’s cool with Bryan, who dances a bit as they leave.
Rusev vs. Chad Gable
Gable wastes no time in suplexing him to the floor but Rusev sends him into the steps a few times. Rusev tosses Gable over the announcers’ table and it’s a double countout at 1:16.
Post match Rusev puts Gable in the Accolade on the announcers’ table. Rusev grabs a mic and gets in the ring, only to have Orton come in from out of nowhere with an RKO. How did he not see a 6’4 wrestler running right in front of him?
Here’s AJ Styles to talk about Sunday’s match where Shane McMahon will be guest referee. AJ calls Shane to the ring and apologizes for accidentally kicking him last week. Shane says no apology is necessary but AJ is worried that Shane will use what happened last week to screw him over on Sunday. The boss says that won’t happen, but if AJ puts his hands on him on Sunday, Shane will put his hands on AJ as well.
AJ asks if that’s a threat but here’s Kevin Owens to interrupt. Owens loves those rules for Sunday because he thinks AJ has something planned. Kevin thinks AJ is going to try to get him to get into a fight with Shane on Sunday and cause a DQ. Shane tells them to shake hands but the fight breaks out with Shane having to block an errant AJ right hand. The ensuing argument lets Owens superkick Shane by mistake.
New Day vs. Usos
Non-title. Before the match, New Day said they’ll be seeing the Usos at Summerslam and goes over a list of places the Usos can see them before then. Kofi and Woods take turns hitting a long string of elbows, legdrops and splashes (over ten of them total) on Jey in the first minute. Double baseball slides drop the Usos and we take a break after a very fast start. Back with Kofi making his comeback and bringing Woods in off the hot tag to chop away. A double superkick to the legs set up a double superkick to the jaw but Jimmy makes the save. Jey superkicks Kofi’s knee and a double superkick his jaw for the pin at 7:49.
Rating: C-. That was a great opening but MY GOODNESS I’m sick of superkicks. This match didn’t even go eight minutes and there were seven superkicks included. Remember back in the day when one superkick finished a match? Well now it takes seven times that and most of them don’t even come close to finishing a match. Cool it with those already, as I assure you there are multiple other options out there.
It’s time for the final episode of Fashion Peaks with Fandango recapping everything that’s gone on so far, including the alien probes, which went very deep. They were MENTAL probes of course. Here’s Breeze in a dress and blond wig because that’s what he does these days. Breeze says they need to figure this out because the last thing they need is people thinking they’re making it up as they go along.
Fandango has a space rock that the aliens gave them, which he says can predict the future. He throws the rock and hits Ascension, who were returning pie. There’s a hair in the pie, along with a used Band-Aid and….GLUTEN! Viktor panics because they live a gluten free lifestyle and gets dragged away. There’s also a note in the pie, saying “Two B”. Fandango says he senses danger for the whole tag division. A graphic says they’ll return in two weeks.
Jinder Mahal vs. John Cena
Non-title and Jinder’s entrance is joined in progress. They fight over a test of strength to start until Cena shoves him away. One of the Singh Brothers gets in a cheap shot from the floor though and Mahal slowly takes over. Jinder throws him outside and we take a break. Back with Cena initiating his finishing sequence.
The Singh Brothers pull Mahal to the floor before the AA but the referee catches them for an ejection. That means the STF but Mahal is over to the ropes. Mahal snaps his throat across the top and hits a knee to the face for two. The Khallas is broken up and the AA….gets two? Well I’m a bit surprised. That means a super AA but here’s Corbin for the DQ at 9:59.
Rating: D. And so much for Mahal meaning much. He’s one of the worst choices for a champion you can find and now he can’t even get a full entrance in “one of the biggest matches in Smackdown history”. The fact that he didn’t get pinned helps a bit but he was completely destroyed at the end. Mahal needs to lose the title on Sunday, but it wouldn’t shock me if they kept it on him as a swerve.
Post match Corbin knocks Cena out and leaves….before realizing how stupid he would be to not cash in right now. Corbin cashes in the briefcase and IT’S ON!
Smackdown World Title: Baron Corbin vs. Jinder Mahal
Cena offers a quick distraction and Mahal grabs a rollup to retain at 9 seconds. THANK GOODNESS as that means there’s no cash-in on Sunday and we’re done with one of the stupid briefcases for the next eleven months.
Corbin is livid and Mahal celebrates with the Singh Brothers to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. That ending alone saved this show as I couldn’t be happier about the briefcase being gone. One of the dumbest things they could have done was have Nakamura win and then have Corbin cash-in to win the title. Now we don’t have to worry about that and Nakamura can Kinshasa Mahal back to the midcard where he belongs. Other than that, this was a show similar to last night as the bigger stories were in deep freeze (until the main event of course) and not much really happened. It’s not much of a show but hokey smokes that ending was a great call.
Results
Natalya b. Becky Lynch – Sharpshooter
Rusev vs. Chad Gable went to a double countout
Usos b. New Day – Double superkick to Kingston
John Cena b. Jinder Mahal via DQ when Baron Corbin interfered
Jinder Mahal b. Baron Corbin – Rollup
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:
Battleground 2017: The Worst Match I’ve Seen In At Least Ten Years
Battleground 2017 Date: July 23, 2017 Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
It’s time for another pay per view before we head on to Summerslam but tonight we have a Punjabi Prison match. Yeah they’re dusting this one off because the Smackdown World Champion is of Indian descent and this is some kind of a war themed pay per view. Other than that we have John Cena vs. Rusev in a flag match to keep up the same theme. Let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger
English sings before the match, dubbing himself the Beethoven of Baritone and the Drama King. It helps that he has one heck of a voice. English shoulders him down to start and does a quick curtsy. Dillinger comes right back with a series of very fast standing switches into an armdrag, good for a TEN. Back up and English sends him into the middle buckle before unloading with some right hands.
We come back from a break with Dillinger fighting out of a chinlock and hitting a running forearm. A spinebuster gives Tye two but he can’t hit the Tyebreaker. English gets two off a layout DDT (he lands on his stomach instead of falling backwards) and frustration is setting in. Aiden tries a Tyebreaker of his own but spends too much time giving Dillinger a ZERO, allowing Tye to slip out into a sunset flip for two. That’s fine with English though as he sends Aiden into the corner and grabs a dragon suplex which spins off into a faceplant for the pin at 9:45.
Rating: C. I had a feeling they might have English go over here as it’s fairly clear that Dillinger has already lost whatever steam he could have had coming into the main roster. English might not be much but he at least has a character, which is more than Dillinger has with a catchphrase. Dillinger will be fine for the short term but he needs something more and he needs it in a hurry.
The opening video shows wrestlers wearing war paint, which they’ve all earned. It transitions into Rusev running down America and Orton wanting his title back.
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Usos
New Day is challenging and clad in red, white and blue. You know, because WWE wants to do an AMERICA IS AWESOME show and chose freaking Battleground while also doing GREAT BALLS OF FIRE instead of Great AMERICAN Bash. Keep up the brilliance guys. Kofi dropkicks Jey at the bell and it’s off to Woods as the challengers hit some rapid fire kicks, followed by a middle rope elbow for two, all in the first thirty seconds. The champs take over on Woods in the corner with a variety of kicks and stomps, followed by Jey hitting the running Umaga attack (with JBL mentioning Umaga by name for a change).
Woods shoves Jey off the top though and hits a missile dropkick, allowing the hot tag to Kingston. Trouble in Paradise doesn’t work so both champs are sent outside with Kofi tagging Woods. The Usos able to catch the trust fall though and Kofi gets powerbombed on the floor. A wheelbarrow suplex is countered into a faceplant for two on Jimmy but the Honor Roll is broken up.
Woods eats a pop up Samoan drop for a close two and is able to get up top for the really far elbow. That’s fine with Jimmy though who slides over for a superkick to knock Woods out of the air (SWEET) for two. We hit a Tequila Sunrise into a long half crab until Woods gets over to the rope for the break.
Kofi remembers he’s alive and comes back in with a top rope double stomp to Jimmy while Woods holds him in a backbreaker (not the Midnight Hour Tom). The champs are right back with a superkick into the Superfly Splash for an even closer near fall. Woods is back up to shove Jey off the top, leaving Jimmy to eat Trouble in Paradise. Xavier adds the really long top rope elbow for the pin and the titles at 13:43.
Rating: B+. This was straight out of the old WCW Cruiserweight Title playbook: give two people some time and let them go nuts with high spots and hot near falls. The Usos weren’t doing anything with the belts and New Day, though not what they used to be, are still flat out more popular than anyone else in the promotion so this makes a good bit of sense. I’m not sure who they feud with but at least they’re back on top.
Recap of Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. Corbin attacked him at the start of the Money in the Bank ladder match and has done it multiple times since. Tonight it’s about revenge.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin
Nakamura’s pop is outstanding, even for a Philadelphia crowd. Corbin gets in his face to start but Nakamura calmly kicks him down, meaning it’s time for an early breather on the floor. They trade places with Nakamura making him wait for a bit, only to charge back in for a right hand to the jaw. We hit a bearhug of all things but Nakamura reverses into a triangle choke.
Corbin slips out of that as well and yells at the crowd before putting on the bearhug again. A chokeslam is broken up with a quick kick, followed by a spinning kick to the head. Corbin runs him over with an awesome clothesline but Nakamura knees the heck out of him to escape. Kinshasa is countered with Deep Six for two but a chokeslam is countered into a Backstabber. Nakamura loads up the reverse exploder but Corbin kicks him low for the DQ at 12:28.
Rating: C-. As usual, Nakamura continues to just kind of be there and that makes for some disappointing matches. The bearhug and ending really hold this one back too as Corbin didn’t exactly show off much here and Nakamura was exactly what he’s been doing in recent months. I hope he steps up at Summerslam because otherwise, I have no idea when he’s going to do so.
Baron goes to leave but hits Nakamura with the briefcase and adds End of Days to continue the feud.
Video on Naomi and the five potential challengers to set up the #1 contenders match.
Natalya vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Tamina vs. Lana
Elimination rules and the winner gets Naomi, on commentary here, at Summerslam. Lana is knocked to the floor to start (probably not the worst idea) and everyone else brawls inside. Natalya tries a Sharpshooter on Tamina until Lana makes the save, earning herself a showdown with Charlotte. Tamina breaks up the beatdown and the double team begins on Charlotte.
Lana completely misses a kick to the head but gets two anyway and it’s time to pose. Becky FINALLY comes back in and beats on Lana, setting up a Charlotte vs. Becky showdown. Natalya breaks it up and hits the basement dropkick for two on Charlotte. Lynch kicks Natalya in the ribs and grabs the Bexploder, followed by another one to Lana. Another Bexploder to Natalya looks to set up the Figure Eight but Charlotte can’t get it on.
The discus lariat sets up the Sharpshooter, only to have Lana make a rather illogical save. Tamina has to break up the Disarm-Her on Lana, followed by a Samoan drop. The same hold has to be broken up a second time but Becky gets the Disarm-Her on Tamina for the tap at 8:08.
The same hold gets rid of Lana at 8:38, followed by a rollup to eliminate Becky at 8:42. So we’re down to Charlotte vs. Natalya with Charlotte powerbombing her way out of an early cross armbreaker. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees though and Natalya sends her hard into the corner for the pin and the title shot at 10:58.
Rating: D+. So we sit through a bunch of stupid saves and Lana being in way over her head (she’s gorgeous, she looks amazing in her outfits and she has the character but sweet goodness it’s not working in the ring) and NATALYA wins? She’s the biggest charisma vacuum I’ve ever seen and is the definition of nothing more than a hand in the ring. You have the other options for the title shot and you pick her? Just…..why? Oh and please, PLEASE keep Naomi away from microphones. She’s just not good at talking in any form.
Natalya won’t shake Naomi’s hand.
We recap AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens. Kevin defeated him via countout earlier this summer but AJ won a battle royal to get another title shot at Battleground. Then he won the title at Madison Square Garden in a big surprise, switching the roles for this show.
US Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens
Styles is defending. Owens grabs a headlock to start but AJ armdrags him out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Kevin gets taken down again, sending him outside again. A dropkick sends Owens outside for the third time but this time AJ misses a charge into the barricade. Owens grabs a long chinlock back inside, followed by a DDT to cut off AJ’s comeback.
We hit the chinlock again with Owens adding in the trash talk as only he can. The Phenomenal Rush puts Owens down and the seated forearm sends Owens over to the apron. AJ can’t lift Owens for much of anything and a missed charge sends him hard into the ropes. The fireman’s carry neckbreaker gives AJ two but the springboard 450 hits knees.
Owens nails the Cannonball for two but Styles is right back with a torture rack into the spinning powerbomb for a near fall of his own. Another springboard is broken up but Owens trips AJ up and sends him shoulder first onto the apron. Back in and the ref is bumped, leaving no one to see Owens in the Calf Crusher. He doesn’t tap but rather reverses into a Crossface on the bad shoulder. That’s reverses into a Crossface on Owens but he reverses into a rollup for the pin and the title at 17:44.
Rating: B. Uh….ok? Did they really just change the title at Madison Square Garden for the sake of a DVD release? The match was good enough but I’m not wild on them changing the title back and forth so fast. I was looking forward to AJ doing the Open Challenge but odds are we’re looking at a gimmick rematch at Summerslam, which doesn’t do much for me.
The Singh Brothers tell Jinder Mahal that they can’t be at ringside with him. Mahal says he has 1.3 billion people in his corner.
We recap John Cena vs. Rusev. Cena came back on the Fourth of July and talked about how much he loved America, only to have Rusev interrupt. This led to a challenge to a flag match, which Rusev accepted.
Rusev vs. John Cena
Flag match, which means you have to pull your country’s flag off a pole, take it up the ramp and put it on a pedestal to win. Cena headlocks him to start but Rusev shoves him away and goes straight for the flag. That’s not happening yet though so Cena pulls him off with something like a super bulldog.
Rusev is right back up to pull him off the top with an electric chair and it’s time to talk some trash about America. Cena gets thrown down again as this is already dragging about five minutes in. The shoulders stagger Rusev but he sends Cena outside. It’s still not enough to pull down the flag though as Cena makes the save, only to get powerbombed (kind of) back down. Rusev gets his flag down but eats a dropkick to knock it down again.
An AA lets Cena get up top but Rusev pulls him down AGAIN. Rusev’s powerbomb is countered into the STF though and Rusev taps, which means nothing. Cena grabs the American flag and jumps down into a superkick to put both guys down. The Bulgarian flag is picked up again so Cena has to dive off the apron to make a save and send Rusev into the steps.
Now it’s Cena going up the aisle but Rusev makes another save and hits him in the head with the steps. Cena gets up again and sends Rusev head first into the entrance screen. A fall away slam onto the ramp stops Cena again and it’s freaking TABLE TIME because it’s Philadelphia and ECW is still a thing. Make that two tables and just get to the AA through them so Cena can put the flag up and win.
Rusev can’t hit an AA so they knock each other down again with Cena grabbing the American flag. Why he doesn’t grab both of them and throw the Bulgarian one into the crowd isn’t clear. Rusev gets the flag stand and hits Cena over the back with it to set up the Accolade. With Cena down, Rusev gets the Bulgarian flag but has to fight out of an AA attempt. Another Accolade is broken up and Cena AA’s him through the tables, allowing him to put in the American flag for the win at 20:42.
Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this match as it felt like it went on for the better part of an hour. There were multiple times where they could have done ANYTHING else to get rid of the flag podium or the flag itself but they would rather walk around like they had been shot. Just awful here with a bad concept, a choreographed ending and nothing close to drama. Terrible stuff here, especially when it’s nothing more than a way to tie into the whole war/battle theme.
It’s Fashion X Files time when the Ascension comes in to say it was them all along. That’s not true though as Fandango knows they were at an Eddie Money concert on Tuesday. The lights go out and someone jumps Breeze. Someone does the same to Fandango and it’s…..not revealed who did it as someone drags Fandango’s body away. To Be Continued.
We recap Sami Zayn vs. Mike Kanellis. They’ve been having issues for a few weeks and Maria cost Sami the first match earlier this week. Tonight it’s rematch time.
Mike Kanellis vs. Sami Zayn
The Kanellis family is wearing matching Maria’s jackets with lip prints all over them with Mike adding similar tights. Sami grabs a headscissors to start and Mike is sent outside where Maria has to pull him away from an attempted dive. Back in and Mike hammers away but has to stop for a kiss from Maria (in case you thought it was one from the referee).
Sami fights out of a double arm crank and sends Mike outside for the big running flip dive. The Blue Thunder Bomb is broken up so Sami settles for the tornado DDT instead. Maria gets in the ring to block the exploder though, only to have the second attempt work just fine. The Helluva Kick gives Sami the pin at 7:19.
Rating: D. Again, I don’t think anyone was seriously thinking that Mike was the talented one of the team and this match didn’t do much to showcase himself. He’s rather average in the ring and the whole character is that he really loves his gorgeous wife. There’s nothing special in the ring to help fix a lame gimmick and that’s not a good sign for his future.
We recap the Punjabi Prison match. Orton has been dealing with the Singh Brothers in all of his matches with Mahal so it’s time to lock them out. The structure is a bit complicated as it has two cages (made of bamboo), one around the ring and the other around the outside. The regular cage around the ring has four trap doors which will open up for sixty seconds each. If they close, they can’t be reopened though and if all four close, you have to climb over the top. The first person to get out of both cages wins.
Smackdown World Title: Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton
Orton is challenging and we better have a Great Khali appearance. Randy hammers away to start and puts Mahal down before calling for the first door. Mahal dives over to keep him inside though and the clock runs out, meaning that door is no longer an option. They slug it out again with the champ getting the better of it and grabbing an armbar (as is the case in most prison fights).
The second door is opened but Orton throws him down with a fall away slam. Neither of them can get out so Mahal tries to climb, earning himself a trip right back to the mat. Mahal splashes him against the cage a few times but Orton grabs a suplex to send him into it as well. That goes nowhere either and they’ve only got one door left. The hanging DDT stuns Mahal so the fourth door is open, only to have Mahal break up the RKO with a jumping knee to the head.
Orton counters the Khallas into an RKO but the freaking Singh Brothers pop out from underneath the ring to pull Mahal through the door. Orton can’t get out in time so he easily climbs the inner cage and steps over to the outer one. THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVER BOTHER WITH THE TRAP DOORS??? Mahal drops down so the Singh Brothers pull Orton down instead.
Randy beats them up and pulls Mahal down, leaving the champ to find kendo sticks to work Orton over. Much like everything else though, Orton shrugs it off and does the same thing to Mahal to take over. One of the Brothers crawls through a hole in the cage and climbs up the outside, only to get punched down through a table (heck of a bump actually). Mahal pulls Orton back down and THIS IS STILL GOING!
The hanging DDT onto the floor should kill Mahal but that might mean the match is ending anytime soon so he’s just dazed for a few seconds. Now it’s a chair with Mahal taking a few shots to the ribs. The other brother gets knocked off the cage wall and it’s the GREAT KHALI to shake the cage as Orton tries to climb out. Khali chokes him through the cage and Mahal climbs out to retain at 27:42. Yes I said 27:42.
Rating: F-. I think this match actually broke me. I don’t remember HATING a match this much since…..geez the Russo days maybe? This could have been cut down by probably two thirds for the same result but they were literally just walking around looking for more stuff to do to each other because they didn’t have anything else to do to fill in the time.
Speaking of the time, WHY IN THE WORLD WAS THIS NEARLY HALF AN HOUR??? The show ended at eleven minutes after the hour and I’d LOVE to hear someone try to validate why it needed that extra time. I absolutely could not stand this match as it started off stupid and turned into one of the worst things I’ve seen in a very, very long time. It was long, it was stupid, and it makes the champ look like an even bigger loser than people already thought he was.
Overall Rating: D-. I know some of the stuff on here was good to very good but when your two main events are such absolute garbage and eat up nearly fifty minutes (closer to an hour with entrances/pre and post match stuff and the show runs over, there’s no way the show can be saved. Couple that with a pretty bad women’s match, a nothing Kanellis vs. Zayn match and the general feeling that this show meant very little and even the two good matches are helpless. This was terrible and it’s completely laid at the feet of whoever booked/produced the two main events. Simple awful.
Results
New Day b. Usos – Top rope elbow to Jey
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Baron Corbin via DQ when Corbin kicked him low
Natalya b. Charlotte, Becky Lynch, Tamina and Lana last eliminating Charlotte
Kevin Owens b. AJ Styles – Rollup
John Cena b. Rusev – Cena put his flag on the podium
Sami Zayn b. Mike Kanellis – Helluva Kick
Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton – Mahal escaped the prison
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:
Thank goodness we’re finally here. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I can’t stand the build to this pay per view and I never have been able to. We’ve been BUILDING MOMENTUM to this show for over a month now and it’s time to finally pay it off, likely with someone who hasn’t built any momentum yet getting the big win. On top of that….well there’s not much actually as there’s a five match card with two matches being Money in the Bank ladder matches. Let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Hype Bros vs. Colons
This one is a bit confusing as I really don’t see the reason to have the Hype Bros, who are having their return match after being split up over the last few months due to Zack Ryder’s knee injury. In theory this would be a better spot for Breezango, who have been having issues with the Colons over the last few weeks. Either way, it’s nice to have another team on the roster, even if American Alpha is STILL sitting on the sidelines.
I’ll take the Hype Bros to win of course as there’s no reason for the Colons to beat them, especially in their first match back. The Hype Bros are still owed a Tag Team Title shot after winning the tag team battle royal a few months back so having them lose to the heel jobber tag team doesn’t make the most sense in the world. So yeah, the Hype Bros win in an entertaining match with Ryder getting the pin.
Smackdown World Title: Jinder Mahal(c) vs. Randy Orton
This is the rematch from last month when Orton lost the title in the first place for one of the biggest upsets in a very long time. That left us with Mahal as the World Champion, which has been hit or miss at best (though he hasn’t been the disaster I was expecting). Now we’re in Orton’s hometown and it’s time for his big rematch.
That being said, I don’t think he’s going to get the title back here. Mahal is the kind of guy who can hold the title for a little while longer and then lose in the big match to give someone a rub. While I have little doubt that John Cena is going to be one of the names that will get a shot, I think it’s going to be someone a little lower on the pole than Orton or Cena to take the title. Orton loses here, likely through some form of shenanigans again.
Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos(c) vs. New Day
I’m not sure on this one as the Usos have been entertaining with their over the top promos but they’ve hardly done anything with the titles. On the other hand you have the New Day, who really seem like they’re just playing the greatest hits. New Day has been in a weird place for a good while now as they really don’t have anything going on at the moment but have also outgrown the tag division. Why they’re not in the ladder match helping Kofi Kingston win the briefcase isn’t clear but my guess is that’s a bit too complicated for the “creative” staff.
I think I’ll go with the Usos retaining here, unfortunately as we continue to wait on the return of American Alpha to go after the belts again. The tag division looks good on Tuesday nights but when you actually look at what they’ve got going on, things take quite the fall. New Day is a great addition to the division but I don’t think they’re going to be getting the belts here.
Smackdown Women’s Title: Naomi(c) vs. Lana
This is one of those rare matches where the result is going to depend on what you think is going to happen in the Money in the Bank ladder match. At the moment, I think a certain heel is going to be winning the briefcase and as a result, it should be the face winning here. On the other hand, I have a bit of a difficult time believing that Lana is going to be hyped up so much, only to lose in her singles debut.
I’ll stick with my original train of thought though and go with Naomi retaining. They’ve done a good job of setting Naomi up as a major player in the division as she’s gone from pretty much nothing to someone who feels like a star. Lana should get a big push down the line, but I don’t think she’s going to win here, likely so WWE can have someone chase her with a briefcase.
Men’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match
And now it’s time for a mess. It’s always hard to guess what they’re going to do here but as is usually the case, a heel is the better option to win. I have a hard time getting behind the idea that a face is going to be chasing the champion and basically trying to steal the title from a downed champion. They’ve kept this down to six names this year which should make for a better match, though it also keeps the options for winners down.
That being said, I’ll go with Baron Corbin winning here. There’s no change Dolph Ziggler is going to win (please don’t let that come back and bite me), Sami Zayn winning doesn’t quite feel right, AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura don’t need to win a briefcase to be in the title hunt, Kevin Owens shouldn’t win while still being US Champion. Corbin has kind of been left off to the side, and that would make him a good Mr. Money in the Bank.
Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match
That still feels weird to write out. This is another of those groundbreaking matches which is likely going to be treated as something that is bigger than it is good, though that’s not the worst thing in the world. They’ve set up some potential options here, but the favorite almost has to be Charlotte, who tends to dominate everything else with no one (save for Sasha Banks) really coming near her.
That being said, I’ll go with Carmella to win. Charlotte seems too obvious, Natalya and Tamina aren’t interesting enough and Becky Lynch is someone who has been there before. Carmella feels like Corbin earlier, and that means she could sneak in under the radar and take the case. If this goes on before Naomi vs. Lana, I really wouldn’t be surprised to see her cash in the briefcase that night and walk away with the title. At least it would be nice if that was the case so we don’t have to have another briefcase running around for months.
Overall Thoughts
I’m not sure on this one but the good thing about having a show with such a short card is that only two or so matches need to be good to really make it work. However, it can also mean that the show can go badly for the exact same reason. The good thing though is that a gimmick show like this is almost always going to be good because the namesake matches are going to be entertaining enough on their own.
I’m hoping that at least one of the briefcases will be cashed in tomorrow night as I really can’t stand the briefcases, at least in the way that they’re booked most of the time. They’re going to be around though and if the big matches are good enough then the rest of the show is going to work as a result. Just keep the Orton vs. Mahal match short so we can get on to John Cena making his return and going after the title, as he probably should have done.
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It’s nice to have Backlash back where it belongs as the whole September slot didn’t feel right last year. I’m not sure if the show is going to be that much better as historically it’s more a show of Wrestlemania rematches, but why do that when you can do a mostly new card? This show doesn’t have the most hype coming in and after “Takeover: Chicago”, they have quite the hill to climb. Let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Tye Dillinger vs. Aiden English
Having one guy win two matches and then doing a third match worked for Steve Austin and the Rock so it can work here too right? Dillinger debuted on the main roster about a month and a half ago and has kind of toiled around the lower midcard since. Fighting English over and over again hasn’t done much for him but it’s gotten English more TV time than he’s had in months.
Of course I’m going with Dillinger, unless they want to kill one of the hottest crowds they’re going to have all year right off the bat. English is going to need some changes if he’s going to survive but I don’t think that’s going to happen here. To be fair though, it’s not like a win in a glorified dark match is going to do him a lot of good. Just give this seven minutes or so though and let Dillinger get a win.
Baron Corbin vs. Sami Zayn
I might have overreacted to Corbin losing to Randy Orton the other night but he should be fine coming into this match. Their reason for fighting isn’t all that great but it’s a good way to get both of them on pay per view, where they belong. Corbin has cooled off considerably since losing at “Wrestlemania XXXIII” (not that it matters though as the Kickoff Show matches aren’t on the DVD/Blu-Ray) but this could help him get back.
As much as I want to go with Zayn here, Corbin makes more sense. Just give him the win and let him start getting back on his feet. Orton vs. Corbin would work fine for a major match, as would Corbin winning Money in the Bank. As much as Zayn needs a win as a member of the “Smackdown Live” roster, Corbin needs it more at the moment. Unfortunately that’s the case far more often than not for Zayn and it’s going to become a problem one day.
Luke Harper vs. Eric Rowan
Speaking of things that are going to get tiresome if they happen too much. These two have been fighting or at least associated with each other for years now and I really don’t have much interest in watching them have another match. Rowan really isn’t all that interesting but he’s big and that earns him a push.
I’ll take Harper winning here as it gives them a reason for another match down the line because WWE likes trilogies. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to get out of this match, especially after they had a boring TV match a few weeks back. At least the match should be a good food break moment as this just isn’t the kind of match that a lot of fans are going to care about.
Naomi/Charlotte/Becky Lynch vs. Welcoming Committee
I get why the match exists (they want to save Charlotte’s big matches with the top “Smackdown Live” women) but that doesn’t mean the Welcoming Committee is a good idea. It’s basically three women and James Ellsworth banding together because they’re scared of Charlotte but none of them have an interesting personality between them, making the whole thing all the more annoying.
That being said, I’ll take the Welcoming Committee to win here so Charlotte can yell at Naomi or Lynch for the loss. My initial thought was Carmella takes the loss as she seems to be the potential star of the team but hopefully the trio’s plug is pulled in the near future. It’s not likely to be all that entertaining but that’s par for the course on a lot of these matches.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Breezango
What the heck happened to American Alpha? They lost the titles and I don’t remember seeing them again since. Maybe we could have more time for them if we didn’t need the Welcoming Committee or Rowan vs. Harper in a hoss battle that people don’t care about. Maybe we could have some time to build them up and give them some personality (you know, the thing that GOT THEM OVER IN NXT) to go with the wrestling ability. Oh yeah this match.
The Usos retain of course because WWE freaking loves these guys, even though they really only appear to speak in that weird promo style of theirs for about thirty seconds a week. I’ve been loving the Fashion Files vignettes but I have a bad feeling this is it for Breezango and they’ll just fade away as a result. At least it’s been a fun time getting here.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Dolph Ziggler
I’ve seen this match twice now as post-show dark matches and I have a feeling that’s not going to be the best indicator of what we’ll see here. WWE is pushing the heck out of Nakamura as we come into this show and that makes for some lofty expectations. That being said, if Nakamura showed me one thing in Dallas, it’s that he knows how to make a good first impression.
Of course I’m taking Nakamura as there’s no reason to believe that Ziggler will or should win here. Nakamura is going to be a major star on the show and I could easily see him going after a title as soon as “Summerslam 2017”. There’s not much of a point in waiting with him so having him beat the heck out of Ziggler in a star making performance is a great place to start.
US Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens
This match hasn’t had the strongest build in the world and I’m starting to get worried about it. If nothing else, they’re running a really strong chance of underwhelming due to the incredibly high expectations. I’m just hoping we don’t get a match where the prevailing wisdom is “eh it’s Styles vs. Owens” and it’s just phoned in.
I’ll take Styles to win here as it seems there’s more interest in Owens doing the chasing than actually holding the title, or at least that’s been the case for most of his title reigns. There are a lot more options to go after champion Styles than Owens, who could easily move up to going after Orton, assuming he retains the title.
Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal
And then there’s this, which really does seem to be a way to boost the Indian markets (and possibly screw with TNA before they head over there for some live events). That also explains why we’ve got the Singh Brothers in Mahal’s corner instead of, you know, someone actually intimidating (like the Authors of Pain for example). This is the definition of throwing together a challenger, though to be fair this is what we always ask for: a fresh opponent we haven’t seen before. Now we get it and despite the building him up well, people aren’t interested in Mahal.
Unfortunately I think we’re going to keep going with this story as Mahal wins by DQ or countout and we get a rematch at “Money in the Bank 2017” in Orton hometown of St. Louis. As usual, WWE sacrifices their core audience for the sake of whatever their long term planning is, as people are really bored with Mahal but that’s what we’re getting no matter how many people change the channel.
Overall, this feels exactly like a filler pay per view, which is one of the worst things you can have if it goes badly. Having low expectations coming in can help a lot but at the same time, you run the risk of having a horrible show that feels more like torture than something entertaining. Maybe the show will be good but there seems to be very little that has my interest. If Orton vs. Mahal goes to a DQ to end the show, Chicago isn’t going to react well and that’s a very risky move.
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Smackdown – April 11, 2017: The Ugly Stepchild of WWE
Smackdown Date: April 11, 2017
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield
It’s the second night of the Superstar Shakeup which means we’ll be seeing a lot of new names showing up tonight. That primarily means names from Monday Night Raw but there’s also the chance of some people from NXT or maybe even the cruiserweights of 205 Live. Let’s get to it.
We open with the debuting Kevin Owens(in a suit), who declares this the new Kevin Owens Show. Now some people might be confused about how a Canadian can be the face of the United States but it makes perfect sense. Canadians are just better athletes than Americans and there’s no denying it. Just look at the Montreal Canadiens defeating the Boston Bruins all the time. There’s no one in the back that can beat him because he is the new face of America.
Cue Baron Corbin of all people to say that Owens can’t beat him up. Last week Corbin beat Dean Ambrose up so badly that he ran off to Raw. Last night, Ambrose beat Owens up so badly that he came here so that means Corbin should get a US Title shot. Owens says no but here’s the debuting Sami Zayn (JUST LET HIM STAY AWAY FROM OWENS FOR FIVE MINUTES!) to send Owens into a near fit because he can never escape. Sami wants a shot as well but here’s AJ Styles, who is actually still on Smackdown.
AJ gets a huge face reception and says this place is still about him. This brings out Daniel Bryan to say Owens vs. Chris Jericho is still on for Payback and the winner will officially be on Smackdown. The title can’t be defended until then though, but tonight we’re going to crown a new #1 contender for the US Title. Tonight it’s Styles vs. Corbin vs. Zayn for the future shot.
Randy Orton vs. Erick Rowan
Non-title. Orton hammers away to start but gets shoved into the corner. Erick rains down right hands until Orton grabs the powerslam and does the Garvin Stomp. They head outside with Rowan getting sent into the steps, followed by the elevated DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Bray appears on screen, already making the Superstar Shakeup seem worthless. Seriously it hasn’t even been twenty four hours. Wyatt says he’s everywhere and will see Orton in the House of Horrors. The lights come back up and Rowan hits Orton with the steps for the DQ at 3:50.
Rating: D-. I was tempted to not rate this one as a minute and a half of it was spent on watching Orton listen to Bray. Hopefully things are all square after Payback as these show vs. show matches defeat the point of the Shakeup (just do the Shakeup later). The match was a squash until the ending and I’m kind of glad they didn’t have Rowan just lose clean again.
Rowan gives Orton a full nelson slam.
Tag Team Titles; Usos vs. American Alpha
Alpha is defending in their rematch after losing the belts last month. The Usos don’t even get an entrance. Jimmy and Chad start things off with Alpha using some early double teaming to take over. Both champs are sent to the floor and we take an early break. Back with Jimmy kicking Jason in the face but getting sent hard into the corner. The hot tag brings in Chad to clean house, including a great looking moonsault for two on Jimmy.
Some double teaming puts Gable in trouble but the Superfly Splash hits knees for two. The Steiner Bulldog gets a very close two with Jey making a save. Alpha is sent outside for stereo suicide dives but you don’t dive at suplexers as Alpha grabs stereo belly to belly suplexes. Back in and Jey makes a blind tag, setting up a superkick into the Superfly Splash to retain at 8:51.
Rating: B. Good stuff here as you would expect but can we PLEASE have someone show up to bolster the division a little bit? Right now it’s these two and whomever else we can find as jobbers that week. With a roster as deep as WWE has, there’s really no excuse to not be able to put four teams together for a regular division.
Post match the Shining Stars run in and leave American Alpha laying.
Mojo Rawley vs. Jinder Mahal
Rob Gronkowski is in the front row again. Mahal starts fast and takes Rawley down for a kneedrop and armbar. Jinder makes the mistake of going after Gronkowski though and gets a cup thrown on him, allowing Mojo to take him back inside. The running right hand puts Jinder away at 2:41. At least it was short.
Mojo celebrates with some New England Patriots.
Here’s Shane McMahon to address the Women’s Division. They’ve acquired some new talent but he’d like to have the entire division come out here. This brings out Naomi, Natalya, Carmella (with James Ellsworth) and Becky Lynch. Since that’s the entire division so far, Shane stops to congratulate Naomi but Ellsworth takes the mic to say Naomi is horrible.
Naomi threatens violence and says bring out the new talent. That would mean a long introduction for a second generation star and the daughter of a Hall of Famer: Tamina! I don’t think that really counts as a new talent as she was out injured and never officially on Raw. Shane isn’t done though and brings out Charlotte for the real big surprise.
Sin Cara and Rusev (no mention of Lana) are coming to Smackdown.
Here’s Aiden English on his own to ask for a spotlight. In a callback to his NXT days, English sings a song about himself, only to be cut off.
Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger
Tye gets the important things out of the way first with a snapmare and cartwheel into TEN. English takes him into the corner and sings that this is his show. The Tyebreaker is good for the pin on English at 2:20.
Video on AJ Styles.
Video on Lana dancing around a chair in a very revealing red dress. She’s on Smackdown too and seems to be her own act instead of with Rusev.
Here’s Dolph Ziggler to talk about how awesome he is and how the Superstar Shakeup doesn’t matter. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura for his full entrance. Ziggler asks who Nakamura thinks he is so the fans sing his song. Nakamura says his name and blocks a superkick, setting up the BRING IT pose. Ziggler bails of course.
Video on Baron Corbin.
New Day is coming to Smackdown. Now that helps things a lot.
Video on Sami Zayn.
Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin
The winner gets a US Title shot at some point after Payback. Styles and Zayn go after Corbin to start but he suplexes both of them at once without much effort. A double clothesline sends Corbin outside, leaving us with a Zayn vs. Styles showdown. Corbin pulls Styles to the floor but Sami moonsaults onto both of them as we take a break. Back with Corbin in full control, hitting a side slam and big boot for two on Styles.
AJ grabs the Hoshi Geroshi on Sami but gets blasted by a clothesline from Corbin to put all three down. Corbin takes a knee to the face and Sami grabs the Blue Thunder Bomb for two on AJ. Baron gets back up for one heck of a Deep Six on Sami with AJ making the save. The springboard 450 gets two on Corbin with Sami making a last second save this time around. That earns him a Pele kick but the Clash is backdropped to the apron. The Helluva Kick drops Corbin, only to have AJ hit the Phenomenal Forearm for the pin on Sami at 16:42.
Rating: B. Corbin is getting better and better every single week and working with people like AJ and Sami is only going to help him even more. AJ winning is a bit of a surprise but he immediately elevates the US Title. I do wonder who is next for Orton after this as you would think AJ would have been a good choice for the next challenger after Wyatt.
Overall Rating: B-. While I’m going to need some more time to figure out how much I liked the second half of the Superstar Shakeup, the first instinct would be to think that it went a lot better for the red show. The big names here are New Day, Charlotte and Owens, but the problem is a lot of the names are nothing. I mean, Sin Cara? The Shining Stars? Jinder Mahal? Those aren’t exactly exciting names. Then again, did anyone really expect WWE to put a focus on Smackdown?
The show itself was good enough with a good Tag Team Title match and main event but we still don’t really have a feel for how things are going to go on this show. The problem is we won’t until after Payback, which makes things a bit more complicated than they need to be. Smackdown has potential but they’re lacking a top level star (remember that Cena is going to be gone for well over a month), which is a problem they’ve had for a long time.
Results
Randy Orton b. Erick Rowan via DQ when Rowan used the steps
Usos b. American Alpha – Superfly Splash to Gable
Mojo Rawley b. Jinder Mahal – Running punch
Tye Dillinger b. Aiden English – Tyebreaker
AJ Styles b. Baron Corbin and Sami Zayn – Phenomenal Forearm to Zayn
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Smackdown Date: March 21, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
We’ve got two shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it’s not likely that any brand new ideas are going to be added to the card. Odds are we’ll have Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin confirmed and we’re guaranteed to see American Alpha defending the Smackdown Tag Team Titles against the Usos. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles from last week, including Daniel Bryan firing AJ.
Bryan is in his office when AJ comes in. Shane isn’t here tonight but Bryan warns AJ to watch his steps. Styles says tonight, everyone is going to find out what it means to beat up Shane McMahon.
Mauro Ranallo is out sick this week. This is starting to get a bit suspicious.
Here’s AJ to the ring for a chat. It’s been seven days since he did what he did to Shane and he doesn’t feel a bit wrong about his actions. Shane’s challenge is accepted because AJ wants to be part of Wrestlemania but the question is why would Shane want to face him at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, he’s going to be waiting for Shane to arrive again and we’ll see if it’s even worse than last week.
Baron Corbin asks Bryan if Dean Ambrose has accepted his Wrestlemania challenge. Bryan hasn’t heard from Ambrose in weeks so tonight, Corbin can face Randy Orton.
Tag Team Titles: American Alpha vs. Usos
Alpha is defending after the Usos beat them last week. Jordan takes Jimmy down to the mat to start and the twins are in early trouble. A double clothesline sends both Usos outside and it’s all champions as we take a break. Back with Gable fighting out of a chinlock but getting sent chest first into the buckle ala Bret Hart.
Chad breaks away but gets sent to the floor instead making the tag. That’s good for a nine count before Gable is put in the Tree of Woe. Of course he powers up to avoid a charge and the hot tag brings in Jordan. An Angle Slam (they’re just trolling us now) gets two on Jey but Jimmy escapes the Steiner Bulldog.
Back to back superkicks puts both champs down and the Superfly Splash is good for a very near fall. Jordan breaks up another splash and Jey is superplexed down. The Steiner Bulldog is only good for two as Jimmy makes the save. I completely bought that as the finish. With the other three down on the floor, Gable moonsaults down onto everyone. Back in and Jordan gets crotched on the middle rope, allowing Jimmy to superkick him down for the pin and the titles at 12:32.
Rating: B+. This was great stuff with some really strong false finishes. They also really surprised me as I didn’t think the Usos had a chance after the Superfly Splash was only good for two. It’s not like American Alpha has done anything with the titles (not their fault) so maybe changing the belts can give them a shot in the arm for all of a few days. I just hope they don’t put the rematch on Wrestlemania because the card just does not have room for it.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot.
Luke Harper wants Bray Wyatt next week.
Miz and Maryse have a special never before seen episode of Total Bellas. It’s Maryse as both Bellas (a really, really good look for her) and of course mocking everything the two of them do. Maryse as Nikki: “Of course I’m Nikki! I’M THE ONE WITH THE HAT!” Maryse as Brie: “BRIE MODE!” Cue Miz as John Cena, who has a bunch of rules like no singing. Since Nikki has followed a rule, he’ll pop a question to her, meaning he has a big balloon labeled “the question” which he pops.
Again, I have no idea why I’m supposed to boo Miz and Maryse. If you watch the show, which is supposed to be REALITY, this is exactly what Cena and the Bellas are like. Cena is a control freak who has a ridiculous set of rules and the Bellas are two of the dumbest people who have ever lived. Why am I supposed to cheer for them?
Baron Corbin vs. Randy Orton
Corbin shoulders him down to start but gets sent into the corner for some uppercuts and right hands. A hard whip into the post keeps Orton down though and it’s off to a break. Back with Corbin sliding underneath the ropes and back in for his clothesline. Orton grabs the powerslam (that’s always good looking) but can’t hit the elevated DDT.
Instead they go outside with Orton sending him into various metal objects like a good viper is supposed to do. Now the DDT hits but of course it’s too early for the first RKO, meaning Corbin gets two off Deep Six instead. They head outside again (happening too often) and Corbin goes into the steps. Back in again and here’s Ambrose for the distraction, setting up the RKO for the pin at 12:49.
Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here as Corbin has the size to make his offense look good against someone like Orton. There was no doubt that Orton was going over here (save for a surprise by Wyatt) because there’s no reason to have him lose so close to his biggest match of the year.
Corbin vs. Ambrose for the title is official at Wrestlemania.
Orton is in the back talking about his match when the lights start to flicker. He tells Bray to show himself but here are an army of people in sheep masks to beat Orton down. Bray appears and seems to bless Orton with a red X on the end. Wyatt kneels in front of him and says Orton changed him by exposing his one weakness. The power of Sister Abigail lives inside him forever and it’s time to sing.
Breezango vs. John Cena
Tyler Breeze is dressed as Nikki Bella, which is far too common of a thing tonight. Before the match, Fandango gives Cena fashion tickets and introduces Breeze as his muscle. This brings out the real Nikki. The bell rings and Cena does his normal stuff but here’s Breeze to the apron. Nikki comes in to spear him down and hits the Rack Attack 2.0. Stereo STF’s give us simultaneous taps at 1:29. For a Southpaw Regional Wrestling related match, I’ve seen worse.
Carmella vs. Becky Lynch
Natalya is on commentary and comes in to hit Carmella for the DQ.
Post match Mickie James and Alexa Bliss come out for the big brawl with Bliss being the last woman standing.
Time for more Total Bellas with Miz (as Cena) reading his affections for Maryse (as Nikki) off cue cards and giving her a diamond…….Dallas Page yoga set. As we see the kitchen (the TV kitchen where the unseen servants prepare food off camera so we can feel relateable to the show you see), Miz gives her a WWE ring (“It’s to scale!”). Later, in the bedroom, which is TOTALLY where Cena sleeps, Miz agrees to tie the knot. On his shoes you see. Maryse is sad to end things. These are hilarious and makes me cheer for Miz and Maryse even more.
AJ is still waiting but is disappointed when Rhyno and Heath Slater arrive. With fifteen minutes left. Why is Shane even bothering to show up at this point?
Actually never mind as Shane is in the arena, which doesn’t please AJ. Back from a break with Shane, sporting one heck of a black eye, calling AJ out. We see Styles making the long walk to the ring and he takes his time going through the curtain. AJ wants to apologize but Shane beats on him anyway. Styles suplexes him into the barricade and loads up the announcers’ table, only to have Shane hit him in the head with a monitor. Shane goes up top for the big elbow…..which MIGHT have grazed AJ’s forearm. The fans call BS on it as Shane slowly gets up to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. As is almost always the case this time of year, the wrestling wasn’t the point and if you think it was, you’re missing the point. This was all about setting up Wrestlemania (and cracking me up with the Total Bellas stuff) and they did so on a bunch of matches. The Shane elbow looked horrible but I don’t think anyone was expecting him to really be able to pull that off after last year’s performance. This show did its job, which is more important right now.
Results
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
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Smackdown Date: March 14, 2017
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips
We’ve got three Smackdowns left before Wrestlemania and now we have a #1 contender to Bray Wyatt’s Smackdown World Title. However, that means we have issues between Commissioner Shane McMahon and AJ Styles and there’s an official confrontation scheduled for tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s Talking Smack with AJ Styles confronting Shane McMahon after last week’s Smackdown ended.
Daniel Bryan is on the phone with someone and runs down the show when AJ comes in. He wants Shane and threatens to slap Daniel if he says anything. Daniel suggests being calm because AJ needs to worry about his career.
Here’s AJ in the ring to complain about what happened last week. Yeah he has to jump through a bunch of hoops and he knows someone like John Cena would never have to do that. His rematch came in a triple threat match and then against five opponents in the Elimination Chamber.
After that, Styles won a battle royal (not really) and beat the other guy they said won clean in the middle of the ring to become the #1 contender. Oh wait because Randy Orton burned Bray Wyatt’s house down (Styles: “AND DIDN’T GET ARRESTED OR GO TO JAIL!”) and now he’s in the main event of Wrestlemania XXXIII. On the other hand, AJ doesn’t even have a match and he’s going to do something about it.
David Otunga is filming a movie and Mauro Ranallo is snowed in due to the blizzard in the northeast so we have a two man commentary booth tonight.
Becky Lynch vs. Natalya
Becky sends her into the corner to start and offers a handshake, earning one heck of a slap to the face. The threat of a choke sends Natalya to the floor and we take a break. Back with Natalya slamming Becky on the floor and grabbing a chinlock. Naturally that means the comeback is on with the Bexploder into the Disarm-Her for the tap out at 8:50.
Rating: C-. A good chunk of this was in the commercial so you can only get so much out of it. This is all about setting things up for the Wrestlemania match, whatever that’s going to be. I’m hoping it’s not a battle royal but a gauntlet match sounds like it’s going to eat up a lot of time. That being said, a gauntlet could be a great way to introduce someone new. Say, the Empress of Tomorrow?
Post match Carmella comes in and superkicks both of them down.
Video on John Cena hosting the Kids Choice Awards. It helps that Cena can come off like a big kid with ease so he’s kind of perfect for the role.
Post break Carmella says she’s the next champion.
It’s time for MizTV with Miz introducing himself and Maryse as the special guests. First up we see a clip of last week’s mixed tag with Cena and Nikki being taken down after their win. We also see Miz ripping into Cena on Talking Smack in another of those awesome promos that are going to be cast aside so Nikki Bella can get her marriage proposal.
Maryse tells a story about Nikki stabbing her in the back when she was going to come back to WWE and be on the first season of Total Divas. Then Nikki told her not to sign the contract because they could get a better one for more money. See, Nikki knew she could get what she wanted because she was dating Cena, meaning she was “untouchable”. The contract fell through though and only the Bellas got the big deal.
Cue Nikki and Cena to chase them off with Nikki saying Maryse wouldn’t be here if she had anything to say about it. Maryse is the one who steals money every night because she’s some brainless blowup doll. Nikki invites her into the ring for a fight but here’s Bryan to say Miz running away makes Bryan want to punch him in the face.
That makes him think of all the times Miz makes fun of him for not being able to wrestle and all the times that he (poorly) imitates Bryan’s moves and the fact that Miz knows Bryan can’t punch him in the face makes Bryan want to punch him in the face even more. However, Cena and Nikki can so the mixed tag is on at Wrestlemania.
Alexa Bliss vs. Mickie James
Non-title. They lock up hard to start before Mickie takes her into the corner for some hard stomping. Bliss sends her outside off a hard whip and we take a break. Back with Bliss holding a cravate before being sent into the corner. Alexa fights up and grabs her by the throat with some crazy looking eyes. A sunset flip gets two on Mickie but the MickDT is countered into a pinfall reversal sequence. One heck of a right hand looks to set up Insult to Injury but Mickie kicks her in the head for the pin at 8:38.
Rating: C. This was a bit better than I was expecting though as usual I can’t stand the idea of a champion getting pinned clean in non-title matches. I’m still curious to see what the gimmick is going to be because they’ve been teasing the idea that it could be something more interesting than expected. Hopefully it’s not just one big mess of a match but WWE has done worse things.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot when Shane arrives. The beating is on with Shane being beaten up against an ice machine and then going through the window of a car. Fit Finlay makes a cameo to get rid of AJ as Shane is bleeding from the top of the head.
Back from a break with a doctor checking on Shane and blood coming down his head. Shane doesn’t want to leave and has to be helped into another room.
The Usos don’t like what AJ did but AJ takes his bag to leave. Daniel stops AJ and fires him.
Mojo Rawley vs. Dolph Ziggler
They take turns throwing sweat at each other, which JBL calls one of the strangest things he’s ever seen. Ziggler is thrown over the top and out to the floor twice in a row so he tosses JBL’s hat. Back in and a dropkick gets one on Rawley but he throws Ziggler over the top for a third time. That’s enough for Ziggler and he takes the countout at 2:29.
We look at the attack on Shane again. For some reason there was a camera inside the car.
Here’s Randy Orton to discuss what happened a few weeks ago. Orton joined the Wyatt Family because he knew it was the only way to take them down. It could have been a single RKO but he wanted more. Now there’s one more step to climb though and that’s why at Wrestlemania, he’s taking everything from Wyatt.
Cue Wyatt on screen to say Orton has stripped him down to nothing. Sister Abigail still beats in his heart though and now he has no boundaries, making him all powerful. Bray reaches down and digs through the dirt, which he then rubs all over himself. He says follow the buzzards and screams before the camera cuts. So Orton threatened Wyatt and then Bray soiled himself?
We look back at Baron Corbin lowering the forklift on Dean Ambrose last week. I still love the referees trying to lift the several thousand pound fork before realizing THEY CAN JUST PUSH THE UP BUTTON.
Corbin challenges Ambrose for Wrestlemania.
American Alpha vs. Usos
Non-title. Jordan starts fast with a dropkick and grabs a front facelock on Jimmy. We cut to a split screen with Jamie Noble and Finlay helping Shane through the back and come back with the Usos going up top at the same time but the champs stare them into a standoff. Back from a break with Jordan getting kicked out to the floor so the Usos can take over.
Jimmy grabs a chinlock and it’s back to the split screen as Shane goes through the exit but turns around, seeming heading back to the ring. Jordan sends Jimmy into the corner and makes the hot tag to Gable for some house cleaning. The Steiner Bulldog is loaded up but Gable gets caught in the ropes, allowing Jey to superkick Jordan for the pin at 10:39.
Rating: C+. This was just filler until we get to the Shane stuff, which I’m sure is going to come up right after the match. I wasn’t wild on the idea of a champ losing and I’m much less into the idea of two champions losing in a single night. I really hope this isn’t added to Wrestlemania either as the card is already bloated and this really doesn’t need to be on there.
Shane stumbles out says AJ has an opponent for Wrestlemania. The show goes off the air less than five seconds later.
Overall Rating: B-. This was similar to last night’s show as they were setting up angles and pushing ones they had already established instead of focusing on wrestling. Really, with so little time left before Wrestlemania, there’s no real need to have a lot of in-ring action. One major difference here from Raw though: they did the stuff with Shane without cutting off the wrestling they had going, meaning no time is lost. Either go split screen like this or cut out some of the segments. It’s not that hard. Anyway, good show here as they’re making me want to see what they’ve got at Wrestlemania.
Results
Becky Lynch b. Natalya – Disarm-Her
Mickie James b. Alexa Bliss – Spinning kick to the head
Mojo Rawley b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
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We’re two weeks removed from one of the biggest shows of the year and that means we’re ready for another major pay per view which will likely change the way “Wrestlemania XXXIII” looks. That’s right, it’s time for “Elimination Chamber 2017”, a “Smackdown Live” show with two matches containing eighteen wrestlers between them. It’s a rather interesting looking card so let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Mojo Rawley vs. Curt Hawkins
It’s quite the change to go from a Tag Team Title match to this in the span of two weeks. I’m not sure if this really is the best they can do but it really does show how limited the “Smackdown Live” roster is in some places. This seems more like a match that should set up a tag team later on but for now, we’ve got the two of them fighting in the battle over who was a better partner for Zack Ryder.
I’ll go with Rawley here as he seems to have the bigger upside since Hawkins’ character has died a horrible death since having an interesting debut. Rawley could be something with his ridiculous charisma but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough to carry him past the midcard. At least he’s getting a shot here but it’s going to take more than the Hammer Time dance. He’ll likely win here though.
Women’s Title: Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss
It makes sense to get some of these out of the way as there are three women’s matches on this one show. We’ll start with Bliss defending the title in a pretty thrown together match, which actually isn’t as much of a layup as it seems. I know Naomi is the athletic freak who always seems to come up just short of winning the big one but Bliss seems vulnerable enough for Naomi to finally pull it off.
That being said, I don’t think she actually does it and Bliss will retain here. Bliss has turned into one heck of a champion and there are a lot of options to take the title off of her in a really big way. Losing it to Naomi at “Elimination Chamber 2017” really isn’t all that big of a deal and I can’t imagine Naomi defending the thing at the biggest show of the year. So yeah, Bliss retains in a match that could range from highly entertaining to a horrible disaster.
Kalisto/Apollo Crews vs. Dolph Ziggler
Can someone explain this one to me without making my head hurt very badly? From what I can gather, Crews and Kalisto have beaten the heel Ziggler now but due to him attacking both of them with chairs, they now get to fight him at the same time. You know, the faces getting the advantage over the heel who is supposed to be the one getting the big push out of this.
Somehow though, Ziggler probably wins here and we completely forget about his losses because that’s how things work in WWE: nothing matters until the ending, which makes things even dumber than they were in the first place. Kalisto and Crews aren’t likely to go anywhere (aside from a big ladder match for the Intercontinental Title) and for some reason WWE still things Ziggler is going to be the big deal all these years later. At least he’ll retain his title as most overrated and uninteresting performer in WWE.
Nikki Bella vs. Natalya
Now here’s the real women’s main event because we don’t know how much longer Bella is going to be around for us to call her fearless and stand in awe of her greatness. Again I’m not sure what the story is supposed to be here as Bella has looked like an idiot for not realizing that Natalya attacked her at “Survivor Series 2016” while everyone else knew it. Then there was something about who sells the most t-shirts and a potential wedding to John Cena because EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BELLA AND CENA GETTING MARRIED ONE DAY BECAUSE….sorry this isn’t “Total Divas” so we’ll move on.
Naturally Bella wins because Natalya is just a wrestler (yeah earlier this week, Bella said Natalya is only a great wrestler. I love that we’ve somehow reached the point where “YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT WHAT WE’RE DOING!” is the biggest insult that can be mustered and by a face no less. Bella wins of course and I continue to try to figure out what the heck she’s talking about.
Luke Harper vs. Randy Orton
In a way this is one of the more interesting matches on the card, even though there’s only one way it could possibly go. It’s kind of hard to get behind the concept of Harper having a chance here as Orton is on his way to “Wrestlemania XXXIII” but at least we could get a strong performance out of him, as Harper is so often known to deliver. The idea here of Orton taking Bray Wyatt’s attention and Harper turning on the team as a result is interesting but it’s not enough here.
So of course Orton wins and I don’t think there’s an easier match on the show to predict. Orton is on a higher level than Harper right now (and has been for his entire career of course) so there isn’t exactly a ton of doubt to this one, nor should there be. If this were at another show with Orton not coming off winning the Royal Rumble, I might be able to be tempted into an upset pick but it’s just not happening here.
Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James
We’ll wrap up the ladies’ trifecta here with a straight grudge match. James says that she was the one who should get the credit for the Women’s Revolution while Lynch says James left when things started getting tough (of course we know that it was really Stephanie McMahon who started the Revolution by just talking about it). This was preceded by James dressing up like a luchadora, which kind of fits her given how off the wall she can be at times.
I think I’ll go with James here as I can’t bring myself to say WWE will go with Lynch as we head into “Wrestlemania XXXIII”. There’s a logic to having Lynch fight back and regain the title in Orlando but I have a feeling we’re more likely to get a big multi-woman tag or some mess like that instead. Therefore, James wins here and Lynch lives to fight another day, as is the case so often with her.
Tag Team Turmoil
There are so many teams in this match that aren’t worth mentioning so I’ll just go with the defending American Alpha and their most likely challengers, the Usos. There’s just no reason to believe that the other four teams have any real chance of winning so we’ll just go with these guys, assuming there’s no debuting team added on to the end.
That being said, I’ll take Alpha to retain and continue their rather ho-hum title reign. The problem here is the same thing that has plagued so many NXT talents: WWE feels the need to take everything that makes the team work in the first place and then get rid of those things for the sake of….well I have no idea actually. Alpha wins here and prays every night that the Revival is called up and half the roster gets a bad case of the flu.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin vs. The Miz
And then there’s this, which depends on how much you believe in rumors and dirtsheets. If you buy into them, this is Wyatt’s all the way and his match with Orton is pretty much set in stone. If you don’t though, you have some options. To get it out of the way, Corbin, Ambrose (already Intercontinental Champion) and Miz are flat out not winning. That leaves us with three viable options.
Cena could certainly retain and go on to face someone at “Wrestlemania XXXIII”, though I’m not sure who that’s going to be. There’s also the chance of putting it back on Styles, though again, who would he face in Orlando? Cena again? I really can’t picture them going with that.
Given that I write for one, of course I’m going with the dirtsheets and picking Wyatt, which unfortunately means we’ll have to hear JBL’s ridiculous commentary talking about how evil Wyatt is going to be. Anyway, Wyatt winning is the logical choice here but I’m really worried about how the rest of the blue side is going to fall out for the big show.
This is one of the weirdest cards I’ve ever seen and that could mean multiple things. This could be a show where everything is a mess and shows off how horrible the Brand Split is or it could be one of the biggest surprises of the year. The whole thing is built around how well the main event goes and with the talent in there, I can’t imagine it being anything but solid at worst. I’m looking forward to the show but it still doesn’t need to exist.
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Smackdown Date: December 27, 2016
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga
As usual, Smackdown has a stacked show with three title matches to close out the year, putting it a bit ahead of the World Champion losing to the midcard champion in a combination rematch/preview of the upcoming title match. On top of that, some guy named Cena is back tonight and probably opening the show. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Cena to get things going and the booing is so loud that Cena says he can’t even understand what they’re chanting. Fans: “CM Punk!” Cena: “CENA SUCKS???” After getting the fans to argue with themselves about which Chicago baseball team is better, Cena talks about all the titles on the line tonight. The fans are WAY behind AJ for the main event and Cena says he’s right there with them as a Styles fan.
With all the title matches tonight, what exactly is Cena doing here? The fans chant for Undertaker but Cena says that’s why he’s here: he’s heard a lot of people trying to set up his career for him, including saying he’s got one foot out the door and is on his way to Hollywood. The truth is he’s still here and he’s got a lot left to do. This is the MY TIME IS NOW Era and his name is John Cena.
Miz comes out of his own dressing room and says he’ll only answer questions asked by Renee Young.
Tag Team Titles: Wyatt Family vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Usos vs. American Alpha
Elimination Rules with the Wyatts defending. Gable suplexes Rhyno to start with Jey tagging himself in to grab the cover. The Wyatts head to the floor and it’s off to Slater to clean house. A top rope forearm has Jey staggered and a running neckbreaker gets two. Slater goes up top but slips off, leaving Jey to hit a quick superkick for the elimination at 4:17.
That was a pretty bad looking botch but really Slater just slipped off instead of diving into the superkick. It happens to everyone though and it was hardly the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Back with Harper and Orton on the apron for the first time and Gable coming in off the hot tag, meaning stereo belly to belly suplexes send the Usos flying. Gable rolls Jimmy up for the pin and an elimination at 10:12, leaving us with two teams.
The Usos decks Alpha before leaving to give the Wyatts an even bigger advantage. Orton takes over on Jordan with a hard whip into the corner and the snap powerslam for two. A dropkick allows the hot tag to Gable, who German suplexes Harper for a near fall of his own. Back with Harper holding Gable in a headlock because Heaven forbid Alpha gets to show off. Orton takes Chad outside and throws him into the barricade and gets two off the slingshot suplex.
A Harper side slam gets two but the hot tag brings in Jordan to clean house. The shoulders in the corner and the rapid fire suplexes have the Wyatts in trouble with Harper and Orton colliding in the corner. Jason adds another shoulder and it’s Grand Amplitude to Orton for the pin and the titles at 23:21.
Rating: B. They legitimately surprised me here as I would have bet on Bray coming in for the save at the end. I’m really glad they gave Alpha the belts and it’s even better that they did it with the Wyatts basically coming in fresh for the final part of the match. This was a really nice surprise and a great way to make this show actually feel important. Good stuff here and I’m really pleased.
Bray breaks up a fight between Harper and Orton after the match.
We recap the end of last week’s show with Corbin being added to the main event.
Dolph Ziggler is ready for the triple threat because it’s finally his time.
James Ellsworth is all banged up but Carmella cuts off the interview to say she finds him attractive.
Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss
Becky is challenging in her rematch and goes for the leg early on. We get a nice pinfall reversal sequence with both getting some near falls, capped off with Becky grabbing a cross armbreaker. The champ takes her down though and steps on Becky’s back before hammering away with some forearms. More forearms and a posting on the floor have Becky reeling as we take a break.
Back with Becky getting in some uppercuts and clotheslines to take over before blocking a DDT. In shades of Pentagon Dark from Lucha Underground, Becky snaps the arm back and sends Bliss shoulder first into the post. A top rope dropkick knocks Bliss silly and here’s La Luchadora (Becky’s disguise from last week), allowing Bliss to get a rollup for two.
Luchadora takes the turnbuckle pad off but Twisted Bliss only gets two. The Disarm-Her doesn’t work either as Bliss gets her foot in the ropes. Bliss’ elbow appears to be COMPLETELY DISLOCATED but Luchadora slams Becky’s head into the post. Alexa pops the arm back into socket and grabs a DDT to retain at 14:00.
Rating: B-. I love a good masked man (or woman in this case) angle and this one might have some legs. Maybe La Luchadora is working with Bliss and maybe she’s not, but either way there’s something interesting there because it makes you want to come back for more. I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt that way about something on Raw but it happens multiple times a week around here.
We look at Renee slapping Miz last week.
Miz allows Renee to ask him some questions but tells security to leave. They do, but Dean Ambrose replaces one of them. We get the beating that should have happened last week until Dean beats up a guard and says all clear.
We look at Carmella saying Natalya attacked Nikki Bella.
We get the standard “I’m Nikki Bella and I’m AMAZING because I keep fighting against everything handed to me” speech. She’ll say something to Natalya’s face.
Corbin says the pressure is on the little guys in the match with him.
Smackdown World Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. AJ Styles
Styles is defending. Baron cleans a lot of house to start with some hard right hands to knock both smaller guys out to the floor. We take an early break and come back with Corbin shrugging off a fireman’s carry attempt and blasting both guys with clotheslines. Styles has to break up End of Days on Ziggler but Baron gets in a hard clothesline on Dolph instead.
We take a break with Baron in full control and come back with Ziggler and Styles double teaming Corbin and clotheslining him outside in a smart move. They’re not done yet though and take him outside, only to have Corbin shrug them off and load up the announcers’ table. That earns him a Phenomenal Forearm from the steps and a superkick onto the table.
Styles and Ziggler dive off the barricade to take Corbin out for good but all three are down. Ziggler Rock Bottoms AJ onto the apron and gets two off the jumping DDT back inside. The Styles Clash is broken up and Ziggler superkicks AJ out of the air to block the Phenomenal Forearm. One heck of a superkick gets two on AJ with Corbin almost getting back in to pull the referee away.
Deep Six gets two on Ziggler with AJ making a diving save. AJ’s strike rush is broken up and it’s the End of Days for AJ with Ziggler adding a Zig Zag on Corbin for a really close two. Another End of Days plants Ziggler but the Phenomenal Forearm knocks Corbin to the floor, allowing AJ to pin Ziggler to retain at 23:16.
Rating: A-. A few blown spots aside, this was a heck of a match and an awesome way to wrap up the year. It’s also a star making performance from Corbin, who looked like a star the whole way through. The fact that it was his move that put Ziggler away is very important and should be brought up in the future. I dug the heck out of this match and it worked very well.
Cena comes out to offer Styles a handshake and Styles finally gives him one.
Neville tells us to watch 205 Live to end the show.
Overall Rating: A. I had a blast with this show and it shows you that quality is more important than quantity. Last night’s Raw had three times the matches and almost none of them were all that interesting. This show had three distinct stories being told, all of which offer a reason to come back for more. That’s in addition to the other stories and the angle advancement throughout the show. In other words, Smackdown knows how to treat its audience to a good show while Raw knows how to exist while its fans watch.
Results
American Alpha b. Usos, Heath Slater/Rhyno and Wyatt Family – Grand Amplitude to Orton
Alexa Bliss b. Becky Lynch – DDT
AJ Styles b. Baron Corbin and Dolph Ziggler – End of Days to Ziggler
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2013: When It Reigns, It’s Really, Really About Reigns.
Survivor Series 2013 Date: November 24, 2013
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
While those two matches aren’t the most interesting in the world, there is one match that had people’s interest. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk have both been having issues with the bizarre cult leader Bray Wyatt and his Family. The two will pair up tonight to face the Family (Luke Harper and Erick Rowan), though the real story will pick up when Bray himself gets involved. Let’s get to it.
Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
Miz turned on Kofi in a tag match on Raw to set this up. He offers a handshake to start but Kofi is too smart for that. We get a surprisingly fast start with Kofi trying to get a grip on Miz but settling for a rollup for two. They trade about three rollups each for three in a very nice chain wrestling sequence until we reach a stalemate. Miz goes for the Figure Four but has to duck Trouble in Paradise. Kofi sends him to the floor for a nice dive and we take a break. Back with Kofi holding a chinlock before getting two off a cross body.
Kingston pounds away in the corner but Miz sneaks underneath him and scores with a big boot to the face. Kofi fights out and hits a double stomp to the chest followed by some nice dropkicks. The Boom Drop looks to set up Trouble In Paradise but Miz ducks, only to get caught in the SOS for two. Another Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Kofi’s high cross body gets the same. Two low knees to the face/chest put Miz down but he ducks the third and grabs a rollup for the pin.
Rating: B-. This was one of the better opening matches they’ve had in a long time. The reversal sequences were very fast paced and other than a few moments here and there, the action barely stopped. Kofi losing here doesn’t hurt him at all and Miz gets a win to help boost his heel turn. Everybody wins. Well except Kofi but you get the idea.
The opening video talks about how survival is a must before transitioning to your usual hype video for the World Title matches.
Rey Mysterio/Usos/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Shield
Elimination rules of course and the Real Americans are Jack Swagger and Cesaro. The Usos are twin Samoan high fliers. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary. Colter (a VERY proud American who wants all non-Americans to leave the country) does his usual routine before the match before attempting to twerk because what would a wrestling show be without that?
Cody and Ambrose get things going as this is the anniversary of Shield’s debut. They trade waistlocks to start but Cody takes over with some right hands, only to have Ambrose pound away in the corner. Rhodes comes back with even more punches as Cole tells us that Friday is Lawler, Colter and JBL’s birthday. Ambrose pounds away in the corner but gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Cody to get a quick rollup for the elimination.
Everything breaks down with the Usos cleaning house and hitting dives to take out all of their opponents. We settle down with Goldust vs. Rollins but it’s quickly off to Swagger to drive Goldust into the corner. Jack takes him down and Cesaro comes in with a knee drop for two. Cole messes up his history by saying Andre the Giant was the sole survivor of the first Survivor Series match (that would be the main event of the first Survivor Series and the fourth match ever).
Goldust gets a backslide for two on Cesaro and scores with a powerslam. A jawbreaker puts both guys down but Cesaro is able to tag first. Swagger comes in but misses the Vader Bomb, allowing for the hot tag off to Mysterio. He easily takes Swagger down to set up the 619 and it’s a superkick from Jimmy followed by the Superfly Splash from Jey to eliminate Swagger.
Cesaro immediately comes in with an uppercut to Jey to set up the Cesaro Swing. The fans count along with the swings but it’s only 15 revolutions. He must be tired tonight. Jimmy comes in without a tag and gets a swing of his own 19 revolution swing. Cody gets the tag and scores with a sunset flip out of nowhere for the elimination, leaving us with Rollins/Reigns vs. all five members of the other team.
Reigns comes in to work on Cody’s arm but it’s off to Jey instead. Roman easily tags him into the Shield corner and the two remaining members take over with the alternating tags. Rollins comes in with a top rope fist to Jey’s jaw and we hit the chinlock. Jey fights up and backdrops Rollins over the top rope, allowing for the tag off to Jimmy. A Samoan Drop gets two on Reigns and the running Umaga attack in the corner keeps him in trouble. Jimmy goes up top but has to headbutt Reigns down. He jumps down but the spear is enough for a quick elimination.
Cody comes in with a missile dropkick followed by the moonsault press for two on Rollins. Cross Rhodes connects but Reigns made a blind tag, allowing him to spear Cody in half for the elimination, leaving us at 3-2. Jey comes in and takes Reigns to the floor, sending him into the barricade and post. Back in and Rollins makes a quick tag to set up the Black Out (running one foot curb stomp) to eliminate Jey, leaving us with Reigns/Rollins vs. Goldust/Mysterio.
It’s Rey vs. Rollins with Mysterio getting in a quick dropkick, only to go up top and get caught in the Tree of Woe. Back to Reigns who sends Mysterio out to the floor but Rey makes it back in at 9. Reigns’ spear goes into the post by mistake but Rollins knocks Goldust to the floor to prevent the hot tag. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere to get rid of Rollins and make it 2-1.
Rollins stomps on Mysterio a bit before leaving, giving Roman a big advantage. Rey slides through Reigns’ legs and catches him with an enziguri before sending him into the corner with a drop toehold. There’s the hot tag to Goldust who gets two off a spinebuster. He pounds down right hands to Roman in the corner before a powerslam gets two. Reigns comes right back by countering the bulldog into a spear and it’s one on one. Rey tries the 619 but gets speared in half as well, giving Reigns his star making performance with his fourth elimination for the win.
Rating: B-. Total star making performance by Reigns as he was completely unstoppable out there. Save for a meaningless fall over an Uso, Reigns literally got every elimination for his team. They’re clearly setting him up to be something special, though the results since have been very mixed.
Orton interrupts an Authority meeting and wants to make sure they’re all on the same page to start. The Authority talks down to him before telling him to go prove his worth on his own.
Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston
Langston, defending here, is a powerlifter and incredibly strong. This is the rematch from when Axel lost the title on Monday before why change the title here? Axel grabs a headlock to start but Langston easily powers out. They trade leapfrogs until Langston runs him over with ease. Axel sends him to the apron and forearms Langston down to the floor for his first advantage.
The fans chant You Can’t Wrestle, presumably at Axel, though the same chant at Langston wouldn’t surprise me. Axel hits a Hennig neck snap and puts on a chinlock only to have Langston power out and suplex Axel down. There’s the Warrior Splash but Axel kicks the knee and gets two off a PerfectPlex. Not that it matters as Big E. grabs Curtis for the Big Ending to retain.
Rating: D+. Well at least it was short. This was one of the least important title matches I can think of in a long time as I don’t even think Axel believed he was taking the title here. Nothing to see here and basically it was an extended squash for Langston. That’s all it should have been too since they couldn’t do the title change here due to reasons.
Post match Langston cuts a promo that would make Mick Foley proud, mentioning Boston three times in about 20 seconds.
AJ gives a semi-maniacal speech to her teammates which they take as her saying she’s better than them. AJ says yeah she’s better because they’re just here because they’re not good enough to be on Total Divas. The promo basically buries the entire division by pointing out how worthless all of them are. Rebellion is imminent even though AJ gets a great line: “Get your own show by stealing this one.”
Team AJ vs. Total Divas
AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka/Summer Rae/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Kaitlyn/Aksana
Bella Twins/Funkadactyls/JoJo/Eva Marie/Natalya
This is the result of a reality show on the E Network called Total Divas. The show resulted in Divas Champion AJ Lee going on an incredible rant about how she was a wrestler and not a reality star, setting up a feud. The Funkadactyls (Cameron and Naomi) are Brodus Clay’s former dancers. Eva Marie and JoJo were hired only to be on Total Divas. Aksana is Lithuanian and not very good. Rosa Mendes is even worse, Summer Rae is the dance partner of a wrestler named Fandango and Kaitlyn is the anti-Diva.
The Total Divas come out in a big line to the show’s theme song because they’re SO close on that show. Naomi starts with Alicia and rolls her up for a pin in just over a minute. Rosa avoids a Rear View but gets caught in a double suplex by the Funkadactyls. Mendes comes back with a quick kick to the face to eliminate Cameron, only to be taken out by a Bella Buster from Naomi.
It’s 6-5 now and here’s Summer to dance a bit. Nikki does the Worm and we’re in a dance off. Another Bella Buster gets rid of Summer and it’s time for Eva Marie who is booed out of the building. Kaitlyn only needs the gutbuster to get rid of Eva and it’s off to Naomi again. Another gutbuster takes Naomi out as we aren’t even five minutes into the match. Brie avoids a spear from Kaitlyn and takes her out with a missile dropkick.
Aksana comes in and pins Brie after an AJ cheap shot and a spinebuster. Nikki comes in and puts Aksana in a Torture Rack backbreaker for a pin. I’m not skipping anything between these falls by the way. Tamina headbutts Nikki down a few times but the Bella comes back with an enziguri. Natalya was taken down by something the camera missed so it’s off to JoJo vs. Tamina.
Snuka toys with her but gets rolled up for two, only to kick JoJo in the face. There’s a Samoan drop for no cover because AJ wants and gets the pin. Natalya is driven into the corner by Tamina but the monster misses a charge and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. AJ tries a save but can’t get there in time and Tamina taps. Natalya reverses a quick AJ rollup into the Sharpshooter for the submission, leaving her and Nikki as the dual sole survivors.
Rating: D-. Other than their looks, nothing was good about this. The whole thing was a way to show us that Total Divas are AWESOME while making it clear that most of them are models who look good in little outfits but have no business EVER being in a ring. AJ continues to be exactly right about everything she says but WWE has decided that the reality “stars” are the heroes, no matter what.
Orton tries to get Charles Robinson on his side to no avail.
The expert panel looks to talk a bit but Ryback cuts them off. He says he’s the talent here and issues an open challenge to anyone on the roster. Here’s his answer.
Mark Henry vs. Ryback
Henry is shaved bald now and shoves Ryback around with ease. Ryback is thrown around again but gets taken down by a shot to the knee. Henry shoves Ryback to the floor for a six count but Ryback comes back in with a headbutt. Some JYD all fours headbutts get two for Henry but Ryback takes the knee out again. We hit the chinlock on Mark before he fights up with relative ease. The World’s Strongest Slam is countered and Ryback spinebusters him down. The Meathook is countered with something resembling a cross body and the World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin.
Rating: D. This was as stereotypical of a power match as you could have ever asked for. Henry didn’t look good here and was way too aloof out there rather than being the monster that got him over for good. Ryback is desperately in need of a change after all these losses he’s suffered in the last year.
Now the panel talks a bit.
We recap Cena vs. Del Rio. Nothing special to say here: Cena won the title last month and this is the rematch. Cena opts for no arm brace despite having to take a few months off for elbow surgery.
World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio
Cena is defending. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Cena grabs a waistlock which gets him nowhere so Del Rio puts on a headlock to take him down to the mat. Del Rio fights free and gets two off a snap suplex before going to an armbar. They head outside for a bit with Cena going shoulder first into the steps. Back in and a top rope forearm to Cena’s shoulder gets two and we hit the armbar again. This is a really slow pace so far with Del Rio talking a lot of trash and not following up on most of his offense.
Cena starts a comeback but misses a shoulder block to keep things right where they have been all match. They head outside again with Cena being sent into the steps again, allowing Del Rio to do You Can’t See Me. Back inside and we hit the armbar again as we’re somehow approaching ten minutes into this match. Cena tries a comeback with his finishing sequence but gets caught in the Backstabber for two.
Del Rio goes up top again but gets dropkicked out of the air to put both guys down again. Cena’s finishing sequence is broken up again by a thumb to the eye and Alberto gets two off a DDT. Alberto is sent to the floor and has to dive in to beat the count. Cena does the finishing sequence at triple speed but the AA is countered into a German suplex for two but the corner enziguri misses.
The STF is countered so Cena grabs a tornado DDT for another near fall. Del Rio takes him down again and stands around a lot before putting John in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere as Cena avoids a charge to send Del Rio into the post. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the STF is broken by a rope. Del Rio’s low superkick gets two and a neckbreaker from Cena gets the same. Del Rio grabs the armbreaker out of nowhere but Cena counters into a powerbomb to escape. Another armbreaker is countered and the AA retains Cena’s title.
Rating: D+. The lack of drama crippled this one for me. There was zero doubt for me as to who was going to win and the only question was whether it would be the AA or the STF. Del Rio just isn’t a threat to Cena at all and he never has been. Why WWE insists on going with that match time after time is beyond me. Put Alberto against Langston for a while to give Big E. a rub or whatever, but keep him away from Cena.
Santino and R-Truth play with toys. Los Matadores (Primo and Epico as bullfighters), Fandango and John Laurinitis come in for some unfunny comedy. Ok Ace was funny at least.
We recap the Wyatts vs. Punk/Bryan. Not much to this one either. The good guys are heroes and that’s not cool with Bray so he’s sent his monsters to show the world that there are no heroes.
Wyatt Family vs. CM Punk/Daniel Bryan
Before the match Bray talks about Sister Abigail telling him how tough Bryan and Punk would be. They’re the reapers though, so Punk and Bryan should run. Bray’s promos have always been strange. Bryan and Rowan get things going with Daniel firing off kicks to the leg. Rowan easily throws him down but Daniel takes him into the corner for a tag off to Punk which doesn’t get a huge reaction.
Harper comes in and charges into a boot in the corner, only to rip away at Punk’s face and chop him down. Back to Rowan for a bearhug but Punk fights out very quickly. Punk escapes a suplex and Bryan comes in to try a double suplex, only to have Rowan suplex both guys down. Bryan drives Rowan into the corner for some double kicks to the ribs to put Erick down. The crowd doesn’t seem interested in this match.
Back to Harper who is taken into the hero corner as well before a double dropkick puts both guys down. Bryan fires off the kicks and plays Bret to Punk’s Neidhart in a Hart Attack. Rowan tries to come in and the distraction lets Harper kick Punk’s head off for two. Rowan cranks on Punk’s neck for a bit before getting two off a backbreaker. Back to Harper for an uppercut followed by a quickly released Gator Roll. Rowan gets caught talking to the sheep mask which Cole finds strange for some reason.
Harper gets two off a Michinoku Driver before it’s back to Erick for some more neck cranking. Punk gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Rowan and a running DDT puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Bryan to face Harper and Daniel starts up his usual sequence. Luke gets low bridged to the floor and the FLYING GOAT (suicide dive) takes Harper out, possibly injuring the monster’s knee.
A missile dropkick gets two and there are the YES Kicks. The running dropkick in the corner staggers the big man but Harper counters a top rope hurricanrana into a super sitout powerbomb for two. The fans think this is awesome as Bray yells at the Family. Rowan splashes Bryan for two and the second heat segment begins. Harper comes in with some forearms to the back but Punk kicks him in the back of the head to give Bryan a breather.
There’s the hot tag off to Punk who takes Harper down but he dives on Rowan and Bray instead of Luke. Now the Macho Elbow connects on Harper for two and everything breaks down. The running knee takes Rowan down and Punk counters the discus lariat into the GTS for the pin on Harper.
Rating: B. This was the old school tag team formula and it worked perfectly well. Punk and Bryan are good choices for matches like this and there’s nothing wrong with the Wyatts getting pinned. The money in the feud is Bray in the ring with either of them and that’s certainly coming in the future.
Bray teases getting in but stays on the floor.
Cena is talking to the Authority about something when Orton comes in to glare at them. The Viper sounds jealous.
We recap Big Show vs. Randy Orton. Orton is supposed to be the face of the WWE but the Authority isn’t very confident in him. Big Show has weaseled his way into a title match tonight due to the threat of a lawsuit which could take over the entire company because that’s what heroes do. They’ve been brawling for a few weeks and Big Show looks dominant while Orton has no backup tonight. I wonder what’s going to happen.
WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Big Show
Orton is defending and is on the floor about a second after the bell rings. He trips getting back inside to show how confused he is tonight and gets chopped LOUDLY by Big Show. More slow offense sets up more chops by Big Show but Orton comes back with a dropkick and some kicks to the head. A knee drop gets two for the champion and we hit a sleeper. Big Show loudly says “two clotheslines” before hitting two clotheslines and calling for the chokeslam, sending Orton running to the floor.
Back in and Big Show slams him down before going to the top rope, only to be crotched on the top rope. The Elevated DDT out of the corner puts Big Show down and Orton poses a lot. Show grabs a chokeslam out of nowhere for two and loads up the KO punch but Orton bails to the floor. The big man follows him to the floor and throws Orton at the ropes, taking out the referee in the process. Randy finds a chair but gets it slapped out of his hands before they go into the crowd.
That goes nowhere so they head back to ringside where Orton tries the Elevated DDT again, only to have Show escape and hit the KO punch. Back inside and the Authority comes out for a distraction, allowing Orton to hit a quick RKO. The annoying crowd chants for Daniel Bryan as Orton hits the Punt to retain.
Rating: D-. What the heck was that? Unfortunately, it was exactly what most people were expecting. Big Show was trying but there’s only so much you can do when Orton spends a third of an eleven minute match running, not counting the interference at the end. Horrid main event but I guess it sets up HHH vs. Big Show.
Post match here’s Cena to hold up the World Heavyweight Championship while Orton holds up the WWE Championship. That’s Wrestlemania it would seem, but it would actually be next month.
Overall Rating: D+. This show had its moments but they totally lost me around the time of the Henry match. The card was about the same as it felt like it was going to be with a few good matches but little to care about in the main event scenes. Orton vs. Big Show was as nothing of a match as it could have been and the interference was just predictable. This show just didn’t feel necessary though it wasn’t the worst effort ever.
Ratings Comparison
The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Original:B-
Redo: C
Real Americans/Shield vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio/Usos