Battleground 2014: Like A Bad Sandwich With Awesome Bread

Battleground 2014
Date: July 20, 2014
Location: Tampa Bay Times Forum, Tampa Bay, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This show isn’t much more than a bridge to Summerslam but it’s a very nicely decorated bridge. The main event is Cena defending his title against Roman Reigns, Randy Orton and Kane in a fourway. Other than we’re getting the first showdown between Ambrose and Reigns, Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho and an Intercontinental Title battle royal. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Adam Rose

I would have bet on this being instead of Fandango. The match is sponsored by Mountain Dew Kickstarter. Layla and Summer are with Adam Rose, who is celebrating his birthday tonight. Fandango jumps him to start and grabs a quick belly to back suplex for two. The party dances around the ring but Fandango stops to yell at them, only to get slapped by Summer and Layla. Adam brings him back inside for a spinebuster and the Party Foul for the pin at 1:25.

Pre-Show: Cameron vs. Naomi

Naomi tries to fight at the bell but Cameron hides in the corner. A kick sends Naomi to the floor and Cameron drives her back first into the barricade. Back in and Cameron puts Naomi in a bow and arrow hold with her feet in Naomi’s back. Naomi gets out but misses a dropkick. Cameron doesn’t follow up and gets hammered with right hands. She tries to leave but Naomi rams her into the barricade before ripping at Cameron’s hair. Cameron elbows her in the face and grabs a rollup with a handful of trunks for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D-. This was awful. Do you know why it was awful? Because Cameron has no business being in a wrestling ring. Naomi is talented but isn’t a miracle worker and couldn’t do anything with Cameron here. I don’t know what WWE was expecting from this match but it couldn’t have been much higher than this.

The opening video talks about war and focuses on the fourway and Rollins vs. Ambrose. Nothing special.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Usos are defending and this is 2/3 falls. Jey pops Rowan in the jaw to start but Erick just looks annoyed. Off to Harper who chokes Jey on the ropes but gets dropkicked out to the floor. Rowan gets knocked off as well and the challengers have to regroup. Back in and Luke sends Jey throat first into the bottom rope. Rowan cranks on Jey’s neck before it’s back to Luke for a chinlock. Jey finally rolls free and tags in Jimmy who gets kicked in the face for the first fall at 4:47.

Rowan puts Jimmy in the double fist vice as Jey is finally back up on the apron. Jimmy fights up but fails at a slam attempt to keep the challengers in control. Back to Harper who rubs his forearms over Jimmy’s face but Jimmy backflips out of a belly to back suplex. Jey comes in off the hot tag and rolls Harper up for the pin at 8:07 title.

Erick throws Jey with a fall away slam for two and Luke catapults him into the ropes. Jey dives over a charging Rowan to send him into the post, setting up a hot tag to Jimmy. Both Wyatts get taken down by big dives to the floor before Jimmy walks the barricade to take Luke down again. Back inside and a high cross body gets two on Harper. The running Umaga attack in the corner gets two and Jimmy is getting frustrated.

A superkick is blocked and Harper hits a running big boot. Jimmy is sent outside for a suicide dive from Harper. Jey sends Rowan into the barricade and Erick is grabbing at his arm. Harper’s suicide dive is blocked by a superkick and Jey grabs a rollup for two. Back up and Harper plants Jey with a sitout powerbomb for a VERY close two and the fans are into it. Rowan goes up top but misses a splash. Harper goes up but gets crotched, allowing Jimmy to get the tag and hit the Superfly Splash for two on Rowan.

The Usos get crotched on the top and Rowan is up top to superplex both of them down for two on Jimmy. Everything breaks down again and Luke nails Jimmy with a superkick. Jimmy hits one of his own but Harper nails the discus lariat, only to have Jey break up the pin. Double superkicks drop both Wyatts and a double Superfly Splash pins Luke at 18:50.

Rating: A. Well that was worth the $10. This has to set up the Ascension coming up to challenge the Usos because there’s no one left for them to beat. The first fall could be reason to give them another match but it seems a bit too long at this point. I’m surprised by the ending but it was an excellent match with those near falls getting better and better every time.

We recap Ambrose vs. Rollins. Seth claimed that he founded the Shield and broke up the team by turning on Ambrose and Reigns while joining forces with the Authority. Rollins then won Money in the Bank but Ambrose has promised to never let Seth cash in the briefcase. The Authority has helped Rollins beat Ambrose down multiple times now and this is the first chance for a one on one match.

Rollins talks about how he’s not worried about this match and is ready to show Ambrose that he’s the best. Then, with Ambrose out of the picture, Rollins is going to be watching the fourway. Ambrose jumps Rollins and lays him out so HHH throws Ambrose out of the building. Apparently the match isn’t happening tonight, or at least not right now.

Divas Title: Paige vs. AJ Lee

Paige debuted the night after Wrestlemania and took the title from AJ in a huge upset. A few months later, AJ returned and took the title from Paige in an impromptu title defense. Paige has since been saying she and AJ are now frenemies. A loud CM Punk chant starts up and so do the Network plugs. Paige gets two off an early rollup and drives some knees into AJ’s chest for two.

We hit the chinlock on the champion as the fans aren’t sure who they like more. Back up and Paige tries to spear AJ to the floor but they stop at the ropes and it goes into very slow motion. They head back inside for a not great looking sunset bomb for two from Paige. For some reason Paige looks like she’s about to cry and shouts COME ON AJ. Back up and AJ stops a charge in the corner but gets caught in mid air. Paige tries to spin her around but gets caught in the Black Widow. She powers out again though and hits the Paige Turner for two. The PTO is countered into a rollup for two but AJ nails a Shining Wizard for the pin at 7:14.

Rating: C. Not great here but it’s so far and away better than the stuff from Alicia Fox and the Bellas that it’s hard to not be pleased. They’re making Paige look like a flash in the pan at this point but there will be more matches in this feud. It wasn’t bad save for some awkward looking spots and that’s acceptable for girls that don’t get to try this kind of stuff that often.

Summerslam ad.

Randy Orton goes into the depths of the building to make amends with Kane for the RKO on Monday. Kane isn’t pleased but Orton says their enemies are Cena and Reigns. The monster says those two aren’t leaving as champion because the winner is right here.

The panel (Booker T., Christian and Alex Riley) talk about the show so far and pick winners for the World Title match.

We look back at Colter and Lana’s detente from Raw.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

Lana does her usual schtick before the match, talking about how American propaganda has led to what happened in Iraq and Afghanistan. Colter comes out to talk as well but gets slapped, triggering a brawl between Rusev and Swagger. The bell rings and Swagger goes for the Patriot Lock but Rusev bails outside. Rusev hammers away but gets knocked back to the floor. Another Patriot Lock doesn’t work and Rusev throws Swagger over in a fall away slam.

Off to a nerve hold for a bit before Rusev fires off kicks to the thighs and chest. Swagger stomps on Rusev’s bare feet and hits a Vader Bomb for two. Swagger is sent to the apron and does a very bad job of sticking his head back in so Rusev can kick him in the chest. The superkick is caught in the Patriot Lock but Rusev finally dives forward to the ropes. They head outside with Swagger chop blocking Rusev and putting the hold on again. Rusev crawls up the steps and rolls Swagger face first into the post before beating the count at 10:00.

Rating: C. This was fine and lets the feud continue when the real life tensions have calmed down a little bit. They did a good job of making Swagger look good and the more wins Rusev gets over big names, the better off he’s going to be. It was nothing great but it extends the feud and that’s all it needed to do.

Rusev puts the unconscious Swagger in the Accolade.

Goldust and Stardust talk about the cosmic key. Stardust thinks they should watch the stars tonight.

Here’s Seth Rollins for his match, even though HHH has officially tweeted that Ambrose will not be in the arena again tonight. He says Dean behaven irresponsibly earlier tonight and insists that he is named the winner by forefit. Rollins goes up the aisle but Ambrose attacks him because wrestling security sucks.

Dean sends him onto the Spanish announce table but security pulls him off. Ambrose breaks through again as Rollins shouts at him. HHH comes out as they’re fighting again and tells security to get Ambrose out of here. Security literally picks Ambrose up to carry him out but Rollins dives on Dean. HHH finally gets Rollins calm and holds up his arm.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt. Jericho came back again but got beaten down by the Wyatts. Jericho wisely ran away instead of fighting all three of them but tonight it’s one on one.

Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

Jericho takes him into the corner to start but gets knocked back by a single right hand. A clothesline puts Jericho down again and a kick to the chest gets one. Jericho fights out of a neck crank and dropkicks Bray to the apron for the springboard dropkick to the floor. The Family helps Bray up so Jericho dives onto all three of them.

The referee ejects the Family and Bray isn’t happy. He lets some of his anger go by knocking Jericho off the apron and onto a cameraman. Back in and Jericho is sent to the ropes but he hangs on and nails a top rope ax handle. Bray pops back up and they botch a belly to back suplex into a gutbuster spot. The second attempt works better and Jericho is in trouble again. Bray’s backsplash hits knees and both guys are down.

Bray puts Jericho on the middle rope and brings him down with a kind of jawbreaker for two. Jericho comes right back with the bulldog but the Lionsault hits knees. Bray spider walks to the corner before slamming Chris down for two. Jericho whips him into the corner and Bray hits his head on the bottom buckle. They head to the apron and Bray tries a DDT but Jericho lands on the middle rope instead of the edge of the ring. The Walls are countered but Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the clean pin at 15:00.

Rating: D+. Ummm…WHAT? Why in the world did this happen? Bray is supposed to be this new young guy and he’s jobbing clean to Chris Jericho? The match was awkward throughout and it felt like they were on different pages. Maybe Jericho isn’t back to his level, but the ending is beyond questionable.

Rollins leaves and says he doesn’t need security. He goes into the parking lot but Ambrose pops out of the trunk of a car and beats Rollins up again. Seth finally gets away in the car.

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

Big E., Alberto Del Rio, Cesaro, R-Truth, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Damien Sandow, Titus O’Neal, Heath Slater, Diego, Sin Cara, Xavier Woods, Great Khali, Kofi Kingston, Bo Dallas, Zack Ryder, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, The Miz

No Rob Van Dam for some reason. Bad News Barrett comes out and says the new champion will be like an old couple retiring here in Florida. Initially it will be great, but it’s delaying the inevitable. Everyone goes after Khali to start but he shoves them off and cleans house before throwing out Woods and Ryder. A Brogue Kick stuns Khali and everyone puts him out. Dallas eliminates Sin Cara and Ryback does the same to Truth.

Axel is tossed as they’re going through this match quickly. Damien Sandow (a beach bum here) gets thrown out by Diego to no reaction but Ryback throws out the Matador a second later. Ryback slams Dallas down and all of a sudden only Ryback and Sheamus are standing. A quick slugout ends with a Brogue Kick for the elimination. Miz can’t throw Sheamus out and gets a Zig Zag for trying. He slides out to the floor under the ropes and everyone goes back to brawling.

Titus throws Sheamus around like he’s nothing but Bo eliminates him for a big celebration. Kofi and Cesaro go at it with Kofi missing Trouble in Paradise and getting backdropped over. He hangs on like he’s trying a sunset bomb but pulls himself back in. Cesaro grabs Kofi’s dreadlocks but gets dropkicked down. Both guys are still in. Del Rio and Ziggler go at it with Alberto putting on the armbreaker over the ropes. Del Rio tries the low superkick on the apron and gets his neck snapped across the top rope for an elimination.

We’re down to Kofi, Dallas, Slater, Cesaro, Big E., Sheamus, Ziggler and Miz. Cesaro suplexes Big E. out and throws Kofi out but Big E. catches him on his shoulders. Cesaro suplexes Kofi off Big E.’s shoulders and back into the ring (why?) before poking him in the eye and suplexing him to the floor. Slater dumps Cesaro in a huge upset but gets thrown to the apron by Sheamus. A Brogue Kick puts him out and a slingshot shoulder knocks Bo silly. The ten forearms to the chest have Dallas in trouble and Ziggler dropkicks him out.

We’re down to Sheamus vs. Ziggler and Miz is somewhere on the floor. They slug it out and no one can hit a big move. Sheamus loads up a powerbomb and they botch a counter with a very awkward landing. Thankfully they seem to be fine and Sheamus catapults Dolph over the top but he hangs on. Dolph pulls Sheamus out but he hangs on as well. Sheamus loads up the slingshot shoulder but gets superkicked out, allowing Miz to come in and throw out Ziggler to win at 14:20.

Rating: D+. Erg. Why go with something interesting when you can go with someone who has held the title multiple times before? I’m glad they didn’t unify the titles but I would have loved to see someone like Dallas get this for the promos alone. At the end of the day though, this is a death knell for Miz’s push, as is the custom in WWE.

We recap the main event. Cena refused to side with the Authority so HHH put him in this match with Orton, Kane and Reigns, who HHH hated a month ago but now is ok with being in a title shot. He explained it in an interview on WWE.com but it still doesn’t hold up.

WWE World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns vs. Kane

Cena is defending and has both belts again here. It’s a brawl to start and Orton is in blue instead of black. Randy sends Orton into the steps but Reigns fights off both Authority members. A double suplex drops Reigns and gives Orton two as Kane seems to play defense against Cena. The champion comes back in and Orton takes him down for two more as Kane guards against Reigns.

Kane breaks up an AA attempt on Orton as the early going continues. Reigns and Kane fight on the floor so Cena can start up his finishing sequence on Orton. The AA is blocked so Cena throws Orton to the floor before turning around to see Reigns. Kane and Orton break it up before anything happens and Kane gets two on Reigns to annoy Randy. They start to shove each other and a YES chant starts up.

Orton says it’s supposed to be Kane watching his back but Kane uppercuts him. Kane loads up a superplex but Cena and Reigns come in to make it a Tower of Doom. Now we get Cena vs. Reigns but Kane sits up to stop it again. They stop Kane to the floor but Orton sneaks in with a backbreaker to Roman. A double Elevated DDT puts down both heroes but Kane breaks up a pin.

Cena and Reigns send Kane to the floor before Cena grabs an STF. Reigns adds a half crab at the same time but Kane makes the save. An AA sends Kane back to the floor and Orton is put in the STF again. Reigns pulls Orton to the ropes and throws him over the announce table, FINALLY giving us the showdown. They slug it out and Reigns tries a clothesline but Cena goes the wrong way so it’s kind of an old Vader body attack. The STF is countered and Reigns hits a Samoan drop. The Superman Punch misses and Cena hits the ProtoBomb.

Reigns pops up and hits the Superman Punch followed by the spear but Kane makes the save (with Cena’s head up and watching Kane come in the entire way). Kane gets hammered down and Reigns hits the jumping kick to all three guys. Orton gets speared through the barricade and the fans think this is awesome. Back in and Reigns spears Kane down but Cena makes the save.

Cena throws Roman to the floor and hits the AA for two as Reigns makes the save. Reigns and Cena slug it out again and an AA gets two with Kane breaking it up. Both heroes get chokeslammed but Reigns kicks out at two. The tombstone is countered and another spear connects until Orton makes the save. The RKO puts Reigns down but Cena comes in with an AA to Orton before pinning Kane to keep the title at 18:15.

Rating: B. Good match but the ending never being in doubt hurt things a bit. Some of the near falls did have me thinking we might get a surprise but at the end of the day this was the best option they had. Cena keeps the title and now we’re heading to his showdown with Lesnar where Brock gets his win back next month.

Overall Rating: C. This was underwhelming due to some of the booking. Miz winning is acceptable but not very exciting. On the other hand, I see absolutely no reason for Bray to lose to Jericho. At this point, Jericho should be there to put people over, not pin guys in featured matches at Wrestlemania three months ago. Other than that there was some good stuff here and it was miles better than last year, but it felt a lot more like a filler show than it should have. Granted it was a filler show so my expectations hit a hard ceiling during the build up. The opener and main event were both good so the show was worth the $10, but the middle pretty much sucked. Summerslam has potential as the big blowoff show though.

Results
Adam Rose b. Fandango – Party Foul
Cameron b. Naomi – Rollup
Usos b. Wyatt Family – Double Superfly Splash to Harper
AJ Lee b. Paige – Shining Wizard
Rusev b. Jack Swagger via countout
Chris Jericho b. Bray Wyatt – Codebreaker
The Miz won a battle royal last eliminating Dolph Ziggler
John Cena b. Roman Reigns, Randy Orton and Kane – Cena pinned Kane after a spear from Reigns

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Battleground 2014 Preview

We’ve arrived at what was the worst show of 2013, but this year’s version looks to be far more interesting than last year’s mess. The card has actually been built up rather than just being thrown together as a filler show, meaning we continue to benefit from the Network. This has the potential to be a solid show and that’s always a good thing. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show is Cameron vs. Naomi and unfortunately I think Cameron wins because WWE thinks she’s a star because she’s on a reality show they produce. Hopefully Naomi wins because she has some talent.

Cena retains the title in the obvious match of the night. There’s never been anything that makes me think he doesn’t win and there’s nothing wrong with that. This is a token title defense and a way to get us to the big showdown with Lesnar at Summerslam. That brings us to the two major questions about this: does Rollins cash in and does Lesnar appear on Sunday? No.

Time for my pick that makes no sense and it’s likely to happen: Dallas wins the Intercontinental Title. This is more something I want to happen that has any possibility to happen. Battle royals are really hard to predict though so it’s pretty much random guessing. Either Dallas, Cesaro or Diego. You don’t want to sleep on him.

Bray over Jericho. There’s no reason for Jericho to win and I really don’t think there’s a logical argument for it.

The Wyatts take the Tag Team Titles. Again, there’s really no reason for them not to and the Usos have had a nice title reign already.

I’ll take Paige to get the Divas Title back from AJ to complete her heel turn and set up a submission match at Summerslam.

Ambrose vs. Rollins is likely going to a non-finish to set up another match at Summerslam, perhaps for the briefcase. This is going to be the best match of the night and there’s no reason for it not to tear the house down.

That brings us to the match where I have no idea what to expect. I know I’ve said for weeks that Rusev is going to snap Swagger in half and sprinkle over him his Russian pizza, but then real life intervened. In case you haven’t heard, a Malaysian Airlines flight was blown out of the sky, killing nearly 300 people a few days ago. There’s a chance that that the Russian military had something to do with it, and that’s REALLY not something you want to mess with. I can’t imagine Rusev getting pinned or submitting, but maybe losing by countout or DQ. There’s also a chance they have a non-finish to set up a rematch when real life has calmed down.

Overall, Battleground actually looks pretty awesome. The main event should be a fun fifteen minutes and Rollins vs. Ambrose should be a war. The battle royal actually has me intrigued and that’s not something I would have imagined coming in. It’s just a bridge heading up to Summerslam, but it’s a nicely constructed bridge that should be an entertaining show. I know this is short, but most of the matches range from obvious to really obvious. That doesn’t leave me much to talk about.

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Reviewing the Review – Money in the Bank 2014

Over the years Money in the Bank has been one of the more reliable shows on the PPV….er I mean Special Event calendar. The ladder matches were clearly going to dominate this show and the rest of the stuff on the card was just there to fill in the gaps left by having fourteen people in two matches. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show saw Daniel Bryan return for an interview to talk about his status. The update wasn’t too promising: his arms aren’t getting their strength back and there’s talk about a second operation. If that’s the case, word on the street has him out another six months to a year. That’s a horrible situation but I’d much rather have him out that long and able to walk when he’s forty than get another year of matches. Bo Dallas came out and told Bryan to Bo-lieve which led nowhere.

The opening PPV match was an awesome back and forth fight with the Usos retaining the titles against the Wyatts. Both teams looked awesome out there and it’s the kind of match where the Wyatts don’t lose face by not winning the belts. The near falls in this were very hot and the fans got way into things as a result. A hot tag match is usually the best option for an opener and this was no exception. Luke Harper continues to be as awesome as you can be while still being a Bruiser Brody inspired lackey to a Louisiana cult leader. Really solid stuff here and I’d be fine with a rematch.

Ambrose continued his awesome streak of promos by wondering if he should use a ladder to get the briefcase or crush Rollins’ face. Dean is just feeling it right now and is one step off, making him all the more interesting to watch. The showdown is going to be white hot when it happens.

Naomi and Paige tried to do something different in the Divas Title match with some nice athletic stuff, but at the end of the day this was more about Cameron and Naomi’s impending split. You know, because we’re supposed to care about Cameron because she’s a STAR. The match was fine but nothing I’m going to remember two days later. Actually that’s true as I had to read the description to remember what happened.

Damien Sandow was Paul Revere and got beaten up by Adam Rose. I guess they were seven minutes short or something.

Before the briefcase match, we got some old school style interviews from the participants talking about how they were going to win. I loved these as they take like fifteen seconds apiece and give you a quick look at each person. Why haven’t these been a regular thing in twenty years?

Seth Rollins won the Money in the Bank briefcase in a good and entertaining match. Well entertaining most of the time at least as some of the high spots had me terrified. Thankfully no one seemed to be too badly banged up as a result. The main story was of course Rollins vs. Ambrose as their showdown continues to look awesome. After leaving with a shoulder injury, Ambrose came back and almost won the case, but Kane ran interference to give Rollins the win.

It’s such a simple idea but more importantly than that, IT MAKES SENSE. Kane works for the organization Rollins is a part of, so why wouldn’t he come down to help? It also sets up a potential match for Dean against Kane, though hopefully it’s on a Smackdown or something so that it doesn’t take up a ton of time. The rest of the match was nothing special and no one really stood out, save for Swagger for some power stuff at times.

Goldust/Stardust beat Ryback/Curtis Axel in the same match they’ve had multiple times now. Another TV match.

Rusev beat Big E. Again. It was slightly better than their last effort but it didn’t make things any more interesting.

Layla beat Summer Rae with Fandango as guest referee. Fandango is a lucky man and that’s about it.

Cena won the title again in another ladder match. The ending was exactly what it should have been, but I would have liked the challengers to do a little big more on the way to the obvious ending. Cena had to win given how things are looking heading into Summerslam so I’m fine with that. Would it have hurt them to let Wyatt and Cesaro not look like such afterthoughts though?

Post match Cena was called the greatest WWE Champion of all time. This made me roll my eyes, though I get why they say it. For those of you that aren’t up on your history, the statement isn’t laughable but it’s certainly not correct.

Overall Money in the Bank’s big matches worked but it felt more like a formality than a show you needed to see. The ladder matches were both good and entertaining enough for the $10 (something I skipped: the announcers were HAMMERING in the idea of getting the Network. It seems clear that the PPV providers are about to be gone in full very fast. Not a surprise at all when you think about it though) but the other matches save for the tag match were horrible or totally meaningless. That’s not a great selling point for a big show.

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Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: June 2, 2014

Last night’s show was a one idea show for the most part but I don’t remember many people talking about one thing this month outside of Wrestlemania or Daniel Bryan in a long time. Let’s get to it.

The opening segment was one basic idea: Batista quit Evolution. In case you don’t remember this, WWE will show you a total of four times over the rest of the show. Other than that, HHH decided that the war with Shield isn’t over because he decided it’s not over. This is where things start to get hairy for the rest of the show. Above all else, there is zero reason for this story to continue. It’s keeping things going because the script says it does. When Shield beat Evolution in three straight falls on Sunday, why should we need to see them fight even more?

After a break, Batista confirms that when he said he quit, he indeed meant that he quit.

Sheamus, Cesaro, Barrett and Van Dam continued their intertwining stories without doing much of anything else. The important thing here was that Cesaro walked out on the match, much to Barrett’s annoyance. This looks to set up Cesaro vs. Barrett, but I’d assume Van Dam gets thrown in as well. Not much to this one but it advanced stories.

Damien Sandow continued to dress up like various characters, in this case as an Indiana Pacer. Big Show beat him up and that was that. The idea can go somewhere, but there’s no indication that it’s going to anytime soon. I know there’s something about the rant that was cut off on the pre-show, but it’s never mentioned and the whole story just feels like they threw it at him without any real reason.

Bo Dallas beat Kofi Kingston in the same match Bo has had since he debuted. Kingston is however a step up so he’s going somewhere. Nothing to see here but Dallas is nailing the character.

Stephanie and Cena had a long talk about what it means to strip someone of the title. The only announcement here is Bryan will defend the title against Kane in a stretcher match if he can, but if not then the ladder match is for the title. The highlight of this one though were some great lines from Stephanie and Cena, including Cena saying that Stephanie had some surgery and putting that idea “in a chest” to think about later and Stephanie making fun of the dueling chants by saying “oh sure you all like that idea” when Cena insulted her. When Stephanie isn’t taking herself too seriously, she can be a really entertaining person to watch.

Then Cena beat Kane via DQ in a really boring match. These two just don’t work well together.

Los Matadores and 3MB did their thing. Nothing to this one but it was really fast so there wasn’t much to complain about. I’m thinking one more match for the little guys.

The Divas match of the week also tied into Bryan vs. Stephanie as Nikki is being tortured for saying she missed her sister. Aksana and Alicia Fox beat up Nikki then Fox shouted about hashtags because in the modern world, people shout HASHTAG LOSER instead of saying YOU’RE A LOSER. Wester civilization is in its decline.

Another interesting story is Bray Wyatt not being on the show after losing at Payback. This leaves the Family alone to take up Bray’s cause in his absence, which leads to some intriguing possibilities.

Rose beat Swagger to continue their feud which doesn’t mean a ton anymore.

The Wyatt Family beat the Usos in a good back and forth fight which should set up a title match down the line. I can live with this one because the Usos are injured, but at the end of the day, is there any reason this had to happen? Now I know the Family can beat the Usos, which takes away a lot of the intrigue of traditional wrestling builds.

In the match that got on my nerves, Alberto Del Rio pretty much destroyed Dolph Ziggler in a Money in the Bank qualifying match. Del Rio might as well have been beating up Xavier Woods as he won via clean submission in less than six minutes. This came off like WWE saying “we have the power so stop cheering this guy because we’re just going to have him lose and lose and lose until you stop.” I have no idea why WWE feels the need to keep putting people down, especially when the fans like them and WWE is REALLY in need of top faces. Actually not even top faces, but just big faces. I mean, would it hurt to put him in an eight man match that he won’t win?

Cody Rhodes picked Sin Cara to be Goldust’s partner against Ryback/Curtis Axel. As you can guess this went badly, but it’s an interesting story. It pretty clearly ends with Cody realizing that it was Goldust who was the weak link and turning heel as a result, but there’s nothing wrong with that as it makes sense.

Rusev got a medal from an English speaking Russian government official. This was short and so was Lana’s skirt so it wasn’t too bad.

Then for the moment that made my eyes roll: Bray Wyatt will be back on Smackdown. AFTER FOUR DAYS OFF! Yeah I know it’s so he can be at Money in the Bank, but at least build this up for a few weeks, or have him miss Payback and do the previous match at Extreme Rules. But instead, let’s just do this for FOUR DAYS with less than 24 hours of wondering because why not.

Now we get to the big deal.

The main event was supposed to be Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton, but HHH and the sledgehammer had plan B in mind. Seth Rollins wound up turning on the Shield and attacking Ambrose and Reigns before seemingly joining Evolution. HHH and Rollins stood tall to end the show. This brings up several questions, with one being bigger than the other.

1. WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY THINKING? Now before people explain why this is a great idea, let me say that I don’t hate it at all and there’s a ton of potential for Rollins to be a big deal. That being said, it doesn’t make any sense to do it now and the way they did.

Rollins and the Shield have defeated Evolution twice in a row now, including in three straight falls last night. Why would Rollins leave now? You either have Batista quit before Payback and have HHH say he has a new plan and do the switch at Payback, or have Rollins get beaten at Payback and get annoyed, or have Shield lose. Having him be on the winning team and then turn though? It doesn’t make sense.

2. It felt like a swerve for the sake of a swerve. This ties into the end of the previous point. Why in the world did we need this swerve? It felt like they didn’t have anywhere else to go with this story so they had one guy jump to the other team so it can get another match or move to the Shield splitting. In a word, this felt forced. Like, REALLY forced.

3. Why did Shield have to split like this? After beating everyone (save for the Wyatts), why not just say they have nothing left to accomplish and that they’re going their separate ways but will be there for each other if the need ever arises again? Because this is WWE, where there’s ALWAYS a heel turn to end a team because it was really good when Shawn Michaels did it. Yeah that’s an exaggeration, but the thing just didn’t fit for the most part.

Overall I definitely don’t hate it and it really could do a lot of good for Rollins. It just doesn’t make sense the way they did it, and I have a bad feeling that we’re going to get some version of “I’ll explain when I feel like it”, which is code for “we didn’t think this through but are going with it anyway”. They really like that one and it did a lot of bad things in the NWO, so let’s do it here with the hottest thing in the company.

Raw was ok with a big ending. They don’t seem to have a lot of ideas going into Money in the Bank, which is annoying as MITB is little more than a crutch for the writers to not have to think of anything. It doesn’t help that they’re lazy in the first place, but why make them work when they can just do the same stuff with different people?

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Monday Night Raw – June 2, 2014: Teams Are Made To Be Split

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 2, 2014
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

Payback was last night and while a lot of stuff didn’t change, a lot of awesome stuff happened last night. Cena defeated Bray Wyatt last night in a match where I believe the feud was blown off. On top of that, we saw Shield destroy Evolution in a perfect sweep. The match wasn’t as entertaining as I was hoping it to be, but the whole thing worked very well. Tonight we start the road to Money in the Bank. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the six man tag last night.

Here’s Evolution to open things up. HHH says it’s always darkest just before the dawn but the funny things is everyone thinks Shield won. However, HHH never loses. It’s not over until the Shield no longer exists. Orton and Batista don’t seem as enthusiastic about this idea. HHH says Shield is over tonight but Batista takes the mic. He doesn’t want another match with Shield because it’s time for his one on one title shot that HHH promised.

HHH gets another mic and says he’s the boss. Batista doesn’t care about the plan because he wants the title shot he earned by winning the Royal Rumble. The boss says Daniel Bryan is injured and can’t compete so there can’t be a title match. “Even if I did, you’d probably choke anyway.” HHH apologizes before going on another rant about Shield. Once they’re gone, Batista gets what he wants. Until then though, no one gets anything. Batista understands and quits. For the first time since he returned, the fans cheer for Batista. HHH shouts a lot but Batista just walks out.

During the break Batista confirmed that he did, in fact, quit.

Rob Van Dam/Sheamus vs. Cesaro/Bad News Barrett

Cesaro throws Van Dam around to start but it’s quickly off to Sheamus for the top rope shoulder. A quick gutwrench suplex puts Sheamus down but he comes out of the corner with a clothesline. The ten forearms to the chest are blocked and it’s off to Barrett to take over. Sheamus takes him into the corner and makes the tag off to Van Dam who kicks Bad News down for two. Van Dam comes out of the corner but jumps into a HARD shot to the throat as we take a break.

Back with Barrett holding Van Dam in an armbar before kicking him in the face for two. Cesaro comes in again and cranks on a chinlock while Heyman complains about how Sheamus beat his man last night. Cesaro hits the delayed gutwrench suplex while glaring at Sheamus before making the tag back to Barrett. A middle rope elbow gets two for the Intercontinental Champion and we hit another chinlock.

Back to Cesaro who Rob outside and into the barricade before taking it back inside for two. We hit a third chinlock but Cesaro lets it go and knocks Sheamus off the apron. The break lets Van Dam kick Cesaro down, allowing for the hot tag to Sheamus for a BIG reaction. The Irishman cleans house with powerslams all around before loading up the Brogue Kick. He picks Cesaro but Heyman makes the save, allowing Barrett to hit Winds of Change for a very close two on Sheamus. Cesaro and Heyman bail and a quick Brogue Kick into a Five Star get the pin on Barrett at 13:14.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here though it had one chinlock too many. This potentially sets up Barrett vs. Cesaro which isn’t a match I would have seen coming but could be interesting. What’s also interesting was the reaction for Sheamus. I haven’t heard him get a pop like that in months and it worked very well. Good reaction to an ok match.

Here’s Damien Sandow, dressed as Indiana Pacer Lance Stephenson and carrying a basketball. The fans aren’t pleased but it gets even worse when he mentions that the Paces’ season is over. Therefore, he would like to state the LeBron James is the best player ever and that the Pacers are a losing team from a losing city. Also as an act of charity for fans supporting such losers, he’ll give a display of his skills. There’s a basketball hoop set up in the corner and this is already dying.

Sandow does some tricks until Big Show interrupts. Sandow: “HOW DARE YOU DISRUPT MY DISPLAY OF MAD SKILLS!” He challenges Big Show to a game and throws him the ball but Big Show throws it back and knocks Sandow out. He dunks the ball as wel, breaking the hoop. If there’s any point to this, feel free to point it out to me.

Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas

This is a rematch from last night when Kane attacked before it could go anywhere. Before the match Bo says the Pacers lost because all of the Heat Bolieved. A shoulder puts Kofi down and he runs outside to shout that he’s WINNING. Kingston comes back with a dropkick to put Bo on the floor before offering a handshake.

Dallas shakes but tries a cheap shot, only to get kicked in the face. Bo puts him down and drops some running knees before putting on a cravate. The fans chant boring and JBL says it’s for Dallas. Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the spinning cross body but gets caught by a hot shot the Bodog for the pin at 4:07.

Rating: D+. As is usually the case, the match was nothing of note but Bo is all about the character rather than the in ring work. The matches aren’t terrible to be fair, but they’re supposed to be Bo running around and cheering for himself. Once he gets a follower or a story he’ll be much more interesting.

Kofi isn’t interested in the post match hug.

We recap the opening segment.

Renee Young tries to get a word with HHH but gets Stephanie instead. She’s on her way to the ring to talk about the World Title.

Here’s a ticked off Stephanie to rant about how Bryan was a coward and let his wife fight for him last night. Brie should have been fired weeks ago but Stephanie gave them chance after chance, only to get slapped in the face. That’s ok though because she’s a tough McMahon. Bryan will have to wake up every morning and see his wife’s dreams broken.

Enough about Bryan though, because this is about the World Heavyweight Championship. At Money in the Bank, Bryan will be defending against Kane in a stretcher match. If he’s unable to compete though, the Money in the Bank ladder match will be for the vacant title. This brings out John Cena to a ROAR.

Cena says he’s sore but he loves the sound of the fans chanting CENA SUCKS. Stephanie may have a hard job but some of the fans’ opinions are kind of questionable. The fans do their dueling chants and Cena says that’s what’s best for business. He’s here to talk about the WWE Championship situation as a former champion. He knows what it’s like to win, lose and have to give away a championship. John talks about no one being bigger than the title, including a spoiled egomaniac like Stephanie, drawing a big cheer. Stephanie: “Oh sure you all like that.”

Cena says Stephanie has to face facts: Daniel Bryan is really good. The WWE Universe can cheer for anyone (Unless they’re Bray Wyatt I guess) and Daniel Bryan has earned that title. Maybe he doesn’t want to give up the belt because he knows the Authority will never give him another shot. Stephanie goes on a rant about how Bryan is a B+ and how he hasn’t defended the title in thirty days so she has to do what she has to do.

Cena talks about the surgeries he and HHH have had to put them out of actions. Even Stephanie has had….surgeries. Stephanie: “They put me IN action but that’s another story.” Cena: “We’ll put that one in a chest somewhere and think about it later.” Cena talks about Stephanie abusing her power and gives her a zero job performance evaluation. She doesn’t care what people think and makes Cena vs. Kane right now.

Kane vs. John Cena

This is joined in progress after a break with Kane in control. He rams Cena spine first into the buckle and drops him with an uppercut before stomping away. Side slam gets two on John but Cena fights back with right hands and the shoulders. The ProtoBomb sets up the Shuffle but Kane punches his way out of the AA. Kane hammers away in the corner for the five count and DQ at 3:09 shown.

Rating: D. These two just do not have good chemistry together and there’s no way around it. Kane is one of the few people that Cena doesn’t have good matches with and I had a feeling that was going to be the case when the bell rang. Nothing to see here and thankfully it was only a few minutes long.

Post match Cena escapes a tombstone attempt on the steps and throws said steps at Kane’s head. Cena leaves and Kane throws various metal objects before leaving.

Opening segment recap again.

Orton has talked to HHH and says they’re on the same page. Tonight he’s facing Roman Reigns.

3MB vs. Los Matadores

It’s Slater/McIntyre here but before the match, Slater says Hornswoggle isn’t quite shaved. He comes out with an afro, complete with pick. Heath runs over Diego to start and Horny gets on the apron to play air guitar. Torito rips the wig off and Hornswoggle runs off in terror. A rollup pins Slater at 1:27.

Nikki Bella vs. Alicia Fox/Aksana

This is punishment from Stephanie for Nikki saying she missed her sister on the WWE App. Fox is quickly sent to the floor but kicks Nikki in the back to put her down. Alicia comes in and gets rolled up, only to have Fox nail the ax kick for the pin at 1:11.

Fox beats Nikki up post match and shouts a few hashtags. Aksana gets in a few shots of her own but we’ve got Wyatts.

The rocking chair is empty with Rowan in the sheep mask behind it. Harper grabs his his shoulder and says they have to take up his cause. They have to torture the same pair of brothers over and over until the brothers are put down like the craven beasts they are. Rowan says follow the buzzards.

Jack Swagger vs. Adam Rose

Rematch from Smackdown where Rose got the win. Rose slaps him to start and elbows Swagger down, only to have Jack kick him in the face. Off to a quick double chicken wing before Swagger charges into a boot in the corner. Rose comes back with right hands and a running neckbreaker. A Bronco sets up a running Party Foul (looked better than the usual version) gets the pin at 2:57.

The Usos say they’re banged up but ready to fight tonight. Jimmy shouts like a crazed pitbull.

Wyatt Family vs. Usos

Non-title and Bray is nowhere in sight. Jimmy has taped up ribs and gets thrown around like a ragdoll by Harper. It’s quickly off to Jey for some shots to the face until Harper runs him over again. Off to Rowan for the chinlock for a good while followed by Jey falling under Rowan’s weight. The Family makes a tag so Harper can hammer away instead. The beating doesn’t last long before it’s back to Rowan for a running corner splash. Jey escapes a belly to back and tags in Jimmy to speed things up. Some forearms to the back and a kick to the face get two. Everything breaks down and the monsters are sent to the floor as we take a break.

Back with the monsters in control and Harper working over Jimmy’s bad ribs on the floor. They head back inside for Rowan to slow things down even more and drop some elbows to the ribs. Jimmy gets tied to the Tree of Woe for more kicks to the ribs but he does a big situp, sending a charging Rowan in the post. The Whisper in the Wind is enough to allow the tag to Jey who meets Harper. Jey hits a spinning kick to the head and the running Umaga attack in the corner but gets caught by a big boot for two.

A Samoan drop from Jey puts Harper back down but he dives on Rowan instead of hitting the Superfly Splash. Luke hits a suicide dive but Jimmy hits a plancha of his own, only to bang up the ribs a bit more. Back in and the Superfly Splash hits Harper’s knees but the discus lariat is blocked by a superkick for two. Rowan makes a blind tag but Jimmy rolls him up for two. Erick hits Jey with something like Matt Hardy’s Side Effect for the pin at 17:03.

Rating: B. Good stuff here and I can live with the champion losing a bit more here due to the injuries coming in. Harper and Rowan seem destined to take the belts and I don’t think there’s much of an argument against them being champions. The Usos have had a nice run and are a WAY bigger deal than they were when this reign started so it’s done its job.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

The fans are WAY into Dolph here and he quickly takes Alberto down for the ten elbow drops. Alberto nails the Codebreaker to the arm and the running arm kick in the corner gets two. A belly to back suplex gets the same on Dolph before we hit the armbar. Ziggler fights back with right hands and the Fameasser for two. The top rope X Factor gets another near fall but the cross armbreaker out of nowhere sends Del Rio to Money in the Bank at 5:31.

Rating: C. The match was the usual between these two but man I was hoping to see Ziggler get in there. The guy is over and there’s nothing wrong with throwing him into a big multiman match. On the other hand we have Alberto Del Rio who keeps finding new ways to be uninteresting. I haven’t cared about him in a long time and that’s not getting any better.

Goldust/Sin Cara vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Cara is Cody’s handpicked partner for his brother. Goldust and Axel get things going with Curtis getting caught in a quick armbar. It’s quickly off to Ryback who takes over as the heels take turns on the golden one. Axel hits his middle rope elbow but Ryback’s middle rope splash hits knees. The hot tag brings in Sin Cara to clean house but he eventually misses a dive, allowing Axel to hit the neckbreaker into a cutter for the pin at 7:10.

Rating: D+. How in the world did this match go that long? It was nothing to see at all and it’s just part of a story with Cody and Goldust until we get to their feud. I’d assume we’ll see more partners for Goldust until Cody realizes that it’s really Goldust who is the problem. I’ve heard worse stories.

Here’s Lana to brag about Edward Snowden and how great he is for Russia. She brings out Rusev for a medal presentation for his great accomplishments. The Russian government agent of course speaks English as he gives Rusev the Golden Star. The Russian national anthem plays and no one interferes.

Bray Wyatt returns on Smackdown, after a full four days away.

We look at the opening segment for the fourth time tonight. It’s 10:59 and the main event introductions haven’t started yet so we’re looking at a quick match.

Bray Wyatt returns on Smackdown, after a full four days away.

We look at the opening segment for the fourth time tonight. It’s 10:59 and the main event introductions haven’t started yet so we’re looking at a quick match.

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton

Before the match, Ambrose says they’re all banged up but they feel great. They did what they said would do last night though and didn’t suffer a single casualty. Rollins says theyw on because they were facing three men who happened to be in the same corner. Reigns says the three of them are brothers. He waves his arms around and says this is Evolution, but the fist is the Shield. Reigns says get out here so the symbol of excellence can break Orton’s jaw. HHH comes out with Orton and carrying a sledgehammer, so Rollins heads out for some chairs.

HHH says what he does best is adapt. Last night was plan A, but tonight is plan B. He looks at the hammer as he says this and says there’s always a plan B. Shield is ready to fight but Rollins turns on them, blasting Reigns in the back with a chair. Ambrose is STUNNED but gets nailed as well. So much for the team.

Rollins literally breaks the chair over Ambrose’s back and hits the curb stomp to put Ambrose face first into the good chair. He hand sit to Orton for more shots to Reigns but Roman won’t stay down. That’s fine with Randy as he goes Steve Austin on him with about ten shots to the back and ribs. The Elevated DDT on the chair lets the new Evolution stand tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show felt a step off all night. It’s like they didn’t know what they wanted to do and it showed badly. The main event stuff with Evolution was fine and it’s an easy way to write off Batista before he comes back after the summer. Other than that though I’m not sure what they’re setting up, as Cena vs. the Authority has mostly been done, but it didn’t feel like that’s where they’re going. Stephanie is great in this heel role and her cockiness in the promo was great.

Results
Rob Van Dam/Sheamus b. Cesaro/Bad News Barrett – Five Star Frog Splash to Barrett
Bo Dallas b. Kofi Kingston – Bodog
John Cena b. Kane via DQ when Kane wouldn’t stop attacking in the corner
Los Matadores b. 3MB – Rollup to Slater
Aksana/Alicia Fox b. Nikkia Bella – Ax kick
Adam Rose b. Jack Swagger – Party Foul
Wyatt Family b. Usos – Sitout spinebuster to Jey
Ryback/Curtis Axel b. Goldust/Sin Cara – Neckbreaker into a cutter to Cara

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Payback 2014: Why Is This Show Always So Awesome?

Payback 2014
Date: June 1, 2014
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

Tonight is an interesting show for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, we’ll find out the fate of the World Title as Daniel Bryan has to either surrender the belt or his wife Brie is fired. Other than that we have Cena vs. Bray Wyatt in a last man standing match which is going to determine where Bray goes from here. The real main event is Evolution vs. Shield in an anything goes elimination match which should steal the show. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Hornswoggle vs. El Torito

This is mask vs. hair due to 3MB ripping off Torito’s tail on Monday. Torito is wearing a 2/3 shirt which is a reference I don’t quite get. A right hand drops Torito early but he ducks the next few and rolls over Hornswoggle’s back. Torito dropkicks him down and we get an airplane spin. Both guys are dizzy and they hit heads to put them both down. Hornswoggle is up first and is so dizzy that his splash lands about five feet away from Torito (on purpose).

Torito hits a spinning kick to the ribs for two and the kickout sends him into Charles Robinson’s arms. Hornswoggle covers as well and Robinson just lets him hit the mat. A gore to the back sends Hornswoggle outside and Slater goes after Torito’s horns but Hornswoggle knocks him off the apron and into the barricade. The big guys get into it and a series of dives puts them all down on the floor.

Hornswoggle wants to dive as well but it’s McIntyre clearing house beforehand. That’s fine with Hornswoggle though as he dives through the ropes like a bowling ball. Slater goes to the apron but Torito hits a top rope hurricanrana to send him onto the big pile. Back to the little guys in the ring and Torito hits a Bronco Buster but Hornswoggle counters another hurricanrana into a sitout powerbomb for two. Hornswoggle pulls the mask off but there’s another underneath, allowing Torito to hit a Bullsault press for the pin at 7:10.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t quite up to the standard of last month’s match but it was still funny and entertaining stuff. The key to these guys is they can actually wrestle a good match instead of just being out there for comedy. It’s not bad at all, but they need to worry about doing this too often. This match should be the blowoff and it’s fine.

The opening video is about how the whole world is sitting on a ticking bomb and it’s about to go off. The song is good and the visuals about everyone wanting revenge and payback make it even better. Only the two biggest matches get any focus as you would expect.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Cesaro

Sheamus is defending. This is due to Cesaro beating Sheamus but not shaking Sheamus’ hand post match. Cesaro also attacked Sheamus recently and injured his head which hasn’t been played up all that much since. Before the match, Heyman says he’s here to advocate for a Paul Heyman Guy. The fans chant for Punk but Heyman says Punk is over at the United Center watching the Blackhawks game. They’ll have their streak broken, just like Brock Lesnar broke the Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania. Heyman can get that in from anywhere.

Sheamus charges out of the corner at the bell and hits some running ax handles. Cesaro counters with a throw to send Sheamus down before nailing him with an uppercut. A boot to the side of the head puts Sheamus in the corner for some more uppercuts. Sheamus comes right back with the rolling fireman’s carry but Cesaro snaps his throat across the top rope to block the ten forearms.

The second attempt works a bit better though and the fans loudly count along. Sheamus adds in another ten for good measure. They head outside and Cesaro is sent into the barricade. Back in and the slingshot shoulder is countered with another uppercut. Cesaro pulls him back in with the apron superplex for two and Heyman is fired up. A tiger bomb sets up a double stomp for two on the champion. Sheamus is whipped into the corner but comes back with the Irish Curse for two. Cole finally brings up the head injury for the first time.

Three straight middle rope knee drops get two on Cesaro before he charges into a boot in the corner. Swiss Death works a bit better but Sheamus is out at two. This has been VERY physical so far. Cesaro slaps him over and over but Sheamus is all BRING IT ON. Sheamus slams him down but misses the Brogue Kick, only to get caught in the German suplex for two. Cesaro floats over but Sheamus counters the Neutralizer into White Noise for a close two.

The Cloverleaf doesn’t work but Cesaro dives into Sheamus’ arms and the hold is on. Cesaro crawls to the ropes and comes back up with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two more. The Swing returns and the fans are WAY into Cesaro again. Cesaro loads up the Neutralizer but Sheamus grabs a small package out of nowhere for the pin at 11:36.

Rating: B. I can actually live with the way that loss went as Cesaro looked great and the psychology was perfect: they kept beating each other up with harder and harder moves but Sheamus went completely the other way and capitalized on the dizziness for the pin with a basic wrestling move. The fans were digging this and it’s a very solid opener.

Earlier tonight Cody Rhodes and Goldust agreed they would get the job done tonight.

Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Bonus match. Axel hammers on Goldust to start but gets caught in a quick atomic drop. Off to Ryback vs. Cody with Ryback throwing him around, only to get caught with a dropkick before it’s back to Goldust for a one count. Axel nails a running knee and sends Goldust into the corner as the heels take over. Ryback hits his middle rope splash before a double team arm wringer face plant puts Goldust down again. It’s time to work on the arm before a small package gets two on Ryback.

A handspring elbow of all things puts Ryback down but Axel breaks up the tag. Goldust takes him down as well with a modified powerbomb, allowing the tag to Cody. Rhodes cleans house and takes Ryback down with a springboard missile dropkick before dropkicking Axel out of the air.

The somewhat botched moonsault press takes both heels down for two on Ryback but the Disaster Kick is caught in mid air. Cody is thrown into his brother and the Meat Hook gets two. Goldust catches Axel in a powerslam and Cross Rhodes gets two on Ryback with Curtis making a save. Axel is sent outside again but the Disaster Kick is caught in Shell Shock for the pin at 7:50.

Rating: C+. Yeah it was filler but it likely ends the team for good. Axel and Ryback are nothing special but they’re not bad for a low level heel team. I’d still like to see Ryback do something on his own and Axel, while still not good, is better than he was a few months ago. Nice match here and it’s hard to complain about extra wrestling.

Post match Cody says Goldust needs a better partner and walks away.

Rusev vs. Big E.

Lana does her thing and Rusev is now from Moscow and weighed in kilos. They both hit their running body attacks to start with neither guy going anywhere. A nasty release German puts Big E. down as the fans want Ziggler. Rusev hits a running splash in the corner but Big E. comes back with a kind of STO. Rusev gets back up on the apron and Big E. spears him through the ropes and out to the floor in a BIG collision. Big E. comes up favoring his arm but is still able to get two. The Warrior Splash is countered by the jumping superkick and the Accolade makes Big E. tap at 3:35.

Rating: C+. Another solid match here with Big E. getting to show off before jobbing to the new monster. That jumping superkick is just awesome with Rusev still making great contact despite getting off the ground. The spear through the ropes looked great too as they’re really playing up the physicality tonight.

Money in the Bank promo, featuring talking money.

Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas

Thjs was announced on the pre-show and Dallas is now The Inspirational Bo Dallas. Bo talks about the Blackhawks losing tonight but Kane hits the ring as soon as the bell rings. Bo hides on the floor and Kane hits Kofi for the DQ at 34 seconds.

Kane destroys Kofi but Bo reminds us to BOLIEVE!

We look back at Hornswoggle getting his head shaved.

Intercontinental Title: Bad News Barrett vs. Rob Van Dam

Barrett is defending and Van Dam won a Beat the Clock Challenge to get the shot. The Bad News of the night: not only is Van Dam not getting payback, after tonight he won’t be getting any paychecks. JBL thinks having three initials for a name is stupid, and Cole is quick to point out how stupid this is in case the fans are REALLY slow tonight. That kind of stuff is so annoying.

Van Dam wins an early slugout with some kicks for two but another one misses in the corner, allowing Barrett to take over. They head outside with Barrett getting caught on the barricade for the spinning kick to the back. Barrett throws him into the corner and catches Van Dam with a kick to the ribs before nailing the big boot to knock Van Dam back to the floor. The elbow drop off the apron crushes Van Dam even more and we hit the chinlock back inside.

Van Dam escapes a pumphandle slam and scores with the stepover kick to the face. The champion is sent into the corner and kicked down again, setting up Rolling Thunder for two. Five Star and Bull Hammer both miss and they fall outside one more time, where a Bull Hammer attempt hits post. Back in and Rob scores with a tornado DDT for two but walks into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: B-. I really liked this which surprised me quite a bit. Van Dam losing isn’t a surprise at all but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a good match anyway. Barrett is on fire right now and a clean pin over a former World Champion on pay per view isn’t going to hurt that at all.

Long recap of Stephanie and Bryan’s segment from Raw. Basically Bryan either has to forfeit the title or his wife is fired.

Stephanie brings out Bryan and Brie for the big moment. The boss is of course her usual evil self and puts all of this on Bryan. If the two of them one day have some weird bearded babies, Bryan needs to be able to tell them that he wasn’t selfish and did the right thing. Bryan mentions how the fans reacted to Stephanie (cue more booing) and gives her a chance to change the fans’ minds. A CM Punk chant starts up but Stephanie says they want him to quit, just like CM Punk did.

She gives him the ultimatum again but Bryan wants to talk about Stephanie’s kids. They’re going to have to watch their mom be a selfish, narcissistic….what’s that word? Brie fills in the blank and says Bryan has to do the right thing. Daniel looks at the titles but Brie says hang on. She won’t be controlled by Stephanie and says she quits. Stephanie laughs at her so Brie slaps her in the face. Stephanie is STUNNED as Brie and Bryan do the YES chant.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena. This is the third match in a trilogy with Cena winning the first but Bray winning the second in a cage at Extreme Rules. The idea of the story is Bray wanting to show the evil inside of Cena and expose him as a fraud. Bray tried to attack Jerry Lawler on Monday but Cena and the Usos made the save. Tonight it’s a last man standing match.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

Last man standing. Bray’s intro is extra fired up as he shouts that these fans are his people and staring Lawler down. The Family gets up on the aprons but the Usos run out to even things up. Cena knocks Bray down to start but Wyatt comes right back with a big right hand of his own. Bray’s shirt says Champion of Suffering. A running elbow puts Cena down and Bray picks him up for the dancing spot. John comes back with the running shoulders (Cole: “Cena wants to lead.”) followed by the ProtoBomb and Shuffle.

Bray runs him over again with a running knee to the ribs and demands a count. The running backsplash misses but Bray kicks off the STF and hits a release Rock Bottom for a seven count. Sister Abigail is countered but Bray runs Cena over with that cross body style move of his. Cena is knocked to the floor and Bray yells at Lawler some more. John has to fight out of a superplex and comes back with the top rope Fameasser for six.

Bray hits a quick Sister Abigail out of nowhere for eight before Cena hits a wobbly AA for seven, with Bray doing the Spider thing to break the count. The Family and the Usos start fighting with Jimmy hitting a HUGE dive to take the other three out. Bray hits Cena in the ribs with a chair and a second shot connects to the back. A third shot put Cena on the floor but he’s up at seven.

Bray misses a chair shot and drops the chair, allowing Cena to blast him in the ribs and back for good measure. Wyatt is back up at seven but Cena has brought in a table. An AA through the table is countered and Bray sends him through instead with the suplex slam. Cena is up at nine but a running shot with the steps puts him down again. Bray conducts the fans as they sing and stands on the steps to take a bow. This time it’s Cena with a chair shot and a steps shot to put Bray down. Cena’s elbow is bleeding a bit.

The cult leader rolls outside but Cena throws the steps over the top and RIGHT INTO BRAY’S FACE. I remember Kane doing that to Umaga many years ago but this looked far better. It’s only good for eight though so it’s time for a second table. We look at a replay and miss what looked like Sister Abigail on the floor. Cena is up at eight and a replay shows it was Cena jumping off the apron but getting caught in Sister Abigail.

Bray is whipped knees first into the steps but he backdrops Cena onto the steps. The running backsplash off the steps crushes Cena but he’s up at eight. Bray picks up the chair but charges into an AA on the floor. Harper and Rowan run back out to beat up Cena and get Bray back to his feet at eight. Back in and the Family takes Cena out again and load up a table but the Usos run out for the save. Harper stops a diving Jey with a table shot to the head (and a great thud) as Bray is laid out on the floor to no count.

Two tables are set up next to each other and the Usos are put down again. Jey is able to escape a fallaway slam and kick Rowan in the face before the running Umaga attack puts him through a table leaned against the barricade. Harper slams Jimmy off the top through the two tables. We haven’t looked at Cena or Bray in about two minutes now. Bray escapes an AA on the floor and cross bodies Cena through the timekeeper’s area.

They’re both up at seven and fight through the crowd with Bray getting the better of it. Cena is thrown off camera and something explodes. Cena seems to be fine and they slug it out on an anvil case until Bray is AA’d through a wooden box. John tilts another case on top of the box to trap Bray inside for the ten count at 24:18.

Rating: B+. I’m not feeling that ending at all but there’s more to talk about here first. I really don’t get why they had a mini match between the teams. Their feud is already set up and I’d assume we get a showdown for the titles tomorrow or at Money in the Bank at the latest. It really stopped the match and while it was cool, it didn’t need to be here.

That being said, the ending just doesn’t work at all. It really makes Bray look like a goon that got caught instead of a warrior of any kind. The match was really physical but there’s no need for Cena to win here. It stops Bray cold and doesn’t play to the idea of him being a hypocrite or anything like that. Instead he just lost after being even in physicality and then getting outsmarted by Cena being clever. Not a fan of this at all.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Paige

Paige is defending after getting pinned by Fox in a non-title match. A quick knee to the back puts Fox on the apron and a floatover suplex gets two for the champion. Paige hits her in the nose to possibly make Fox cry but she trips the champion up, driving her back first onto the apron. The announcers are of course in their own little unfunny world as the girls brawl on the floor with Fox slapping a clown in the audience. Literally, he has red hair and makeup on.

Back in and Fox takes Paige down while shouting that Paige wants to ruin her face. Fox cranks on a chinlock before laying on her back (JBL: “WHY ISN’T THE REFEREE COUNTING???) to bend Paige’s back over Fox’s knees. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker has Paige in trouble before Fox throws her to the floor. This match is dragging. Back in and Fox shouts RAIN for no apparent reason before Paige makes her comeback. She charges into Fox’s knee but shrugs it off and puts on the PTO for the submission at 6:35 to retain.

Rating: D+. It’s not bad but it felt like it went on for about fifteen minutes. They kind of booked themselves into a corner here as you couldn’t have Paige lose this early but it’s kind of a waste of Fox’s recent push. This is the better ending though as Fox has lost already and it advanced the character even more. Not bad here but it was in the middle of the two matches people wanted to see.

The fans tell Fox that she tapped out but she stomps her feet and demands silence. Fox finally runs off to the back.

The expert panel (Booker T., Alex Riley and Josh Matthews) chat for a bit.

We recap the main event. It’s a rematch from last month as Shield vs. Evolution has kept trying to one up each other for months now in an effort to prove who is the better three man team. This gets the music video treatment.

Evolution vs. Shield

Anything goes and elimination rules with falls having to take place in the ring. This is going to be insane and odds are I’ll miss a lot early on but I’ll do my best. Batista is in blue while his partners are in black for an awkward visual. Brawl to start as there aren’t any tags required here. Rollins and HHH are the only ones left in the ring with Seth hitting a quick enziguri to knock HHH to the floor. All six are already in the crowd or near the entrance way with Seth diving off the barricade to take HHH down.

Ambrose and Randy fight back to ringside as the power guys fight in the aisle. Rollins throws HHH back to ringside as Reigns sends Batista into the steps. Things settle down with tagging set up, despite it being anything goes and nothing stopping triple teaming. Shield takes over on Batista to start but he’s able to take Rollins into the corner for a heel beating. It’s quickly off to Ambrose though and a double snap suplex puts Orton down. Dean rips at Randy’s face and it’s off to Reigns for a headbutt to Orton’s back.

Randy comes back with an uppercut and it’s Batista in off the tag but getting popped in the jaw to a nice reaction. Back to Ambrose vs. HHH with the Game LOUDLY calling some spots. Dean hangs in there for a few seconds before it’s Reigns coming in. The fans seem very interesting in this showdown. HHH is quickly shoved down so he tries a slugout, only to be backdropped with ease. Rollins comes in for Three Amigos (and an Eddie chant) as HHH is in big trouble. Why Orton and Batista wait on the apron instead of helping isn’t quite clear.

HHH blocks a top rope something from Dean with a boot to the face and Evolution sends Ambrose to the floor to take over. Even Lawler gets in a shot at how out of place Batista looks in the blue. Orton comes in for the circle stomp and a mat slam gets two. Since this is such a serious match, let’s stop to talk about Bluetista being the #1 trend in the world with the announcers laughing. Ambrose sends HHH to the floor and Orton gives the boss a pep talk instead of STOPPING THE TAG. It works though as HHH gets back in for the save but the facebuster sends Dean into the ropes for his bounce back clothesline.

The hot tag brings in Reigns to clean house as everything breaks down. The apron dropkick nails Batista and the Superman Punch gets two with Orton making the save. HHH whips Rollins hard into the barricade and Ambrose gets posted. Everyone but Batista and Reigns head into the crowd and Rollins dives at HHH, only to get nailed in the head by a monitor shot from HHH. Reigns loads up the announce table but Orton saves Batista from immense pain. Orton finishes loading up the table and the TripleBomb crushes Reigns. Ambrose and Rollins are still down somewhere in the crowd and no one has been eliminated yet.

Referees come out to check on Reigns and Evolution does Shield’s pose, only to have Dean dive off the barricade to put all three down. Rollins hits the flip dive and crashes into the barricade to put everyone down. Ambrose hammers on Orton and the five still on their feet head to the entrance. Evolution is in full control with Reigns down and HHH blasts Rollins in the back with some chair shots. Orton drops Ambrose onto an open chair and Rollins is Pedigreed onto a chair as well. Reigns is all alone in the ring and Evolution slowly walks down the aisle.

The spinebuster puts Reigns down and the stomping begins. The steps are brought in and they rips Reign’s vest off. Orton throws in some kendo sticks and Reigns is laid across the steps for a caning. Batista and Orton get in their shots as this is turning into a torture scene. Now they want chairs but Reigns is to his knees. He jumps off the steps for a Superman Punch to Orton but HHH lays him out with the chair. Reigns falls to the floor and HHH hits him with the chair again.

They get back to the entrance and Ambrose is hiding behind part of the set. He springs out and attacks Evolution but he’s quickly put down by the numbers game. There are still no eliminations as Evolution surrounds Reigns. Rollins dives off the bottom of the Titantron to take all three of them down and all six are on the floor. Seth crawls back to the ring and everyone else crawls after him. Batista is in first and he spears Seth out of the air, setting up the Batista Bomb but Rollins escapes, allowing Reigns to spear Batista down for the elimination at 27:36.

An RKO out of nowhere gets two on Rollins with Reigns making the save. Orton loads up the Elevated DDT on Roman but Dean makes the save and hits Dirty Deeds on the chair to make it 3-1 at 28:43. HHH is left all alone but he hits Dean low to slow him down. A Pedigree looks to end Ambrose but Reigns hits the Superman Punch for the save. Batista spears Reigns down before leaving. Orton slides HHH the sledgehammer and Ambrose gets knocked cold. Rollins hits the top rope knee to knock HHH down though and the spear gives Reigns the final pin at 31:07.

Rating: B+. This was….long. It’s WAY better if you cut out the stupid tagging part that ate up fifteen minutes and just let them go to war. It completely misses the point of the match being ANYTHING GOES by making them stick to some structure that has no enforcement at all. The stuff after that was really good but it took too long to get there. Shield pitching a shutout should end this feud for good and hopefully it does, as there’s just no reason for them to fight again. It wasn’t as good as I was expecting due to the first half, but the stuff to end it was really good.

A lot of highlights end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This was a really solid show all around with only the decent Divas match being close to bad. Everything else was anywhere between solid to awesome with the two main events being really good stuff. Payback has been awesome both years it’s been around, despite being a glorified B show. I really liked this though and the whole thing delivered far better than I was expecting. Great stuff.

Results
Sheamus b. Cesaro – Small package
Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Shell Shock to Rhodes
Rusev b. Big E. – Accolade
Kofi Kingston b. Bo Dallas via DQ when Kane interfered
Bad News Barrett b. Rob Van Dam – Bull Hammer
John Cena b. Bray Wyatt – Wyatt couldn’t answer the ten count
Paige b. Alicia Fox – PTO
Shield b. Evolution – Spear to HHH

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Smackdown – May 23, 2014: A Tale of Two Zigglers

Smackdown
Date: May 23, 2014
Location: 02 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the second straight show in this building as we wrap up the European tour. As is usually the case with Smackdown, this is just a holding show until we get back to America to find out what happens to Bryan and the title. Other than that we’re likely to get a bit more on the Shield vs. Evolution match as we’re closing in on their showdown at Payback. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with Jimmy Hart, introducing Hogan to a WWE ring in England for the first time in over 20 years. Hogan says it’s great to be back here like in the old days. Speaking of the old days, Hogan talks about Jimmy not being the same since he started living in the Legends House. Hogan explains the show and lists off the bigger names in the cast. That’s about the past though and Hogan wants to look towards the future. The WWE Network is coming to the UK….at some point in the future. We’re already on the road to Wrestlemania XXXI and that’s about it.

We look at Shield vs. Evolution over the last few months.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Batista

No DQ after Batista hit Ziggler low last week. Ziggler nails a dropkick to start and chokes Batista on the apron. Big Dave comes back with a huge spinebuster for two and Ziggler is already in trouble. The first weapon is brought in as Batista gets a chair but Ziggler takes it away. That’s fine with Batista as he sends Dolph into the announce table and apron. Dolph sidesteps a charging Animal to send him into the barricade before clotheslining Batista into the timekeeper’s area.

We take a break and come back with Batista hitting the post with a chair. Dolph picks up the chair and blasts Dave in the back a few times to take over. Batista tries to walk away but gets forearmed in the back of the head and sent into the steps. Good brawl so far. Back in and Ziggler hammers away in the corner, making sure to wrap Batista’s arm around the ropes so he can’t hit Dolph low like he did last week. Nice job with the continuity.

Ziggler rolls through the spinebuster into a sunset flip and the Fameasser gets two. A baseball slide knocks Batista over the announce table and the announcers get knocked out. JBL: “Michael quit loafing on the job! Just because you got hit by everything!” Batista reverses a whip into the steps and slams Ziggler down onto the steps. Ziggler uses a low blow of his own to counter a Batista Bomb onto the steps but misses a running Fameasser off the apron onto the steps. Dolph’s knee is hurt so Batista throws him back in and nails the spear for the pin at 12:00.

Rating: B+. This was really good stuff with Ziggler being more than game against Batista. It’s amazing how different Ziggler is on the two shows. On Raw he can barely survive five minutes against Mark Henry but here he’s going toe to toe with Batista for a long TV match. The psychology was good here too and the power vs. speed formula was solid. I’ve always liked these two together and this was no exception.

Batista powerbombs Ziggler post match.

Bolieve! Tonight.

Nikki Bella/Eva Marie vs. Funkadactyls

Summer Rae is guest referee for the Total Divas special and is looking very good in the outfit. Nikki takes Naomi down with an armdrag to start as Cole tries to explain the stories on Total Divas. A facebuster puts Naomi down but Summer won’t count at all. The Funkadactyls hit a double suplex and a double split legdrop before Cameron is in on her own to no reaction. Off to Eva whose outfit matches her partner. Summer still won’t count, allowing Cameron to roll Eva up for a count that would make evil Teddy Long jealous and the pin at 1:58.

Eva glares at Summer post match.

Clip from the breast cancer rally with John Cena in attendance.

Bo Dallas vs. Sin Cara

Bo kneels in prayer before the match which JBL makes sure to point out. Before the match he talks about how we can all achieve our dreams if we just Bolieve. A quick armdrag puts Cara down and he jumps around in a circle to celebrate. They trade arm work with Dallas’ armbar being quickly broken. Dallas drives a knee into Cara’s face and a second one into the ribs. Sin Cara comes back with a flying headbutt and a springboard middle rope cross body. A Tajiri elbow gets two on Bo and a kick to the face drops him as well. Dallas avoids the Swanton and walks the corner for a bulldog and the pin at 3:35.

Rating: D+. Dallas isn’t great in the ring but he’s all mic work and character anyway. If they let him do stuff like he did in NXT and cut those WAY over the top promos he’ll have people booing him out of the building (in a good way) by the end of the summer. Good debut here but the promos are the key to his character.

Post match Bo helps Sin Cara up. “Keep trying. Maybe someday you can be like ME!”

We’ve got Wyatts in the ring. Bray says he’s seen the ups and downs of our world such as poverty and disease. When he closes his eyes he can hear us calling out to him. Most of us never have to see those horrible things, or only from our homes as we eat a bowl of cereal. Evil is real, even though we live in a bubble that is meant to be our home. We have become prisoners to society because that is what they want.

As soon as eyebrows are raised, someone like John Cena is sent in to be our hope and tell us that everything is going to be afraid. It’s our home and not a prison he says. Bray thinks Cena has lied to our children long enough. That’s why he’s been put here. Come gather around children and let’s have a look. We see a clip of the Family destroying Cena to end Raw. Back live and Bray says the Cenation has infected us like the Plague.

A simple ten count will get rid of everything Cena stands for and that’s why Cena has recruited the Usos to be his new pawns. They’ll be thrown on the front lines so Cena’s crown doesn’t get too dirty. Tonight Bray’s brothers will show the Usos that a beast that does not fear cannot be tamed. There are worse things in the world than dying. When your city burned, Bray was there. When your lives crumble, Bray was there. And when John Cena falls, Bray will be there. Bray says he’s always been and starts speaking in tongues. He drops to his knees and starts singing the song.

Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title with Cesaro and Heyman on commentary. The bell rings and Cesaro offers to shake Sheamus’ hand, allowing Del Rio to get in a cheap shot from behind. Heyman and Cole argue over what language Cesaro should speak on commentary as Sheamus hammers away in the corner. Del Rio comes back with a snapmare and low dropkick for one. Cesaro speaks all of his other languages as Sheamus comes back with a knee drop for a near fall of his own.

The rolling fireman’s carry and a clothesline put Del Rio on the floor as the announcers are talking about Jack Benny. Del Rio comes back with a wicked running enziguri on the floor to take over. Back from a break with Del Rio being sent to the apron but snapping Sheamus’ throat across the top rope. Sheamus comes back with a knee in the corner but a Backstabber gets two for Del Rio.

The Irish Curse gets the same for Sheamus but both guys miss their finishers. A low superkick gets two on the champion but Del Rio misses a charge and gets caught by the ten forearms to the chest. Back in and Alberto grabs the armbreaker but Sheamus gets his feet in the ropes. Cesaro goes after Sheamus and gets kicked in the face. He interferes again and that’s a DQ at 9:31.

Rating: C. I really don’t get why Del Rio couldn’t take a fall here. The match was fine for the most part and one of their better matches, likely due to it not having as much time. There was also a chance that Del Rio could win a non-title match as opposed to beating Sheamus to become World Champion.

Cesaro Neutralizes Sheamus on the floor. Heyman claims self-defense.

We look back at Raw to see Stephanie demand that Bryan vacate the title next week.

Here’s Vickie Guerrero with something to say. She says people only know one side of her because she has great personal skills and is straight up gorgeous. She can also party with the best of them, so please welcome Adam Rose. JBL: “DON’T DO IT VICKIE! We need Glenn Close to get rid of that bunny!”

Vickie snaps her fingers to the music and smiles a lot. Rose has a very important question for Vickie: is she a lemon or a rosebud? The fans think Vickie is a lemon and a YES chant starts up to confirm it. Vickie tells him to get out but Rose tries to give her his lollipop. Rose scares her enough that she falls off the apron and is carried off by the party.

The Usos talk about Adam Rose for a bit before saying unlike the Wyatts, they’re a real family, back to when they were baby Usos playing in the sandbox. They bring in their brother from another mother, John Cena. Cena sounds like he’s imitating various people’s promos, such as Hawk (WELLLLL) and Hogan (“Let you tell me something brother”. Yes I meant to type it that way) and is a bit off at the same time.

He has some things he needs to put on his chest and he knows who makes the pants around here. Listen to him when he’s watching you because it’s time to put the dinner to bed and go hunting for babies. Jey: “We have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cena: “Maybe I do or maybe I do.” The point is anyone can talk but actions speak louder than words. They do that weird chest pounding thing as they walk away.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Non-title with Cena and Bray as seconds. Harper stands there with the blank look on his face so Jey shouts at him. Luke takes him into the corner but the Usos make a blind tag, allowing Jey to kick Harper into a sunset flip for two. Rowan comes in but gets chopped up against the ropes. The Usos make more tags to double team Rowan and Jey cross bodies him out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jimmy dropkicking Rowan down and stomping away but Erick easily fights back and brings in Harper. Luke gets kicked in the ribs but sidesteps a charging Jimmy to send him throat first into the middle rope. Back to Rowan for the knuckle skull crush as the fans are singing the song. Harper comes in again as the announcers argue over whether Bray said he was evil or not.

A superplex attempt is countered and Jimmy nails a Whisper in the Wind, allowing for the hot tag to Jey. Everything breaks down and Jey hits the running Umaga attack in the corner but gets kicked in the face by Harper. Harper goes to the floor and gets taken down by the suicide dive. Jey dives over the post to take out his brother and Harper at the same time. Back in and Jey loads up the Superfly Splash but Bray shoves him off the top for the DQ at 10:05.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but the DQ endings are getting annoying in a hurry. This does leave the door open for a rematch though and the titles can be on the line. It’s a power vs. speed match so I can’t complain all that much. I can’t imagine the rematch doesn’t take place at Payback.

Cena gives Rowan an AA and stares down Wyatt. Bray teases getting in but backs off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was the night of long matches but unfortunately two of them had weak finishes. The tag match I can excuse as it’s there to set up a rematch, but I see no reason why Del Rio couldn’t take a fall and have Cesaro do the same stuff after the match. Other than that the show wasn’t bad and advanced the stories for Payback. As awesome as it is, it’s kind of nice to get a breather from the Shield vs. Evolution feud for a night too.

Results
Batista b. Dolph Ziggler – Spear
Funkadactyls b. Nikki Bella/Eva Marie – Rollup to Eva
Bo Dallas b. Sin Cara – Corner bulldog
Sheamus b. Alberto Del Rio via disqualification when Cesaro interfered
Usos b. Wyatt Family via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered

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Monday Night Raw – May 19, 2014: That’s A Lot Of Phones

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 19, 2014
Location: 02 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s time for the post Wrestlemania European tour and things are in a big state of flux right now. Aside from the disastrous stock news on Friday, tonight we find out the fate of the WWE Championship due to Daniel Bryan being sidelined several months with neck surgery. The show was taped earlier in the day but I’ve avoided spoilers. Let’s get to it.

 

The Wyatts are in the ring to open the show and Bray sings the song as the fans all wave their phones for a pretty awesome visual. Bray talks about people laying his head down to sleep which is when everyone sees themselves as a superhero that can fix all the wrongs of the world and dream of payback. Then we wake up and see that we’re not really superheroes that can fix anything.

We kid ourselves by saying everything is fine but everything is wrong. Bray used to have this teacher that looked down on him and went to great measures to tell him that he was a piece of trash. She believed that everything she read in a book was true and everything he said was a lie. One day he went up to her and asked why she thought she was so much better than him. Was it because her parents paid for her to go to a school and waive her degree around, filling his head with propaganda?

Bray didn’t accept that so she told him that he was an evil boy. That woman is now in a retirement home while he’s here as the speaker of 1000 truths with the whole world in his hands. The fans start singing again and Bray loves it. That is his payback for the teacher that told him he was wrong. His tongue is the scorpion’s tail and he offers to save men like John Cena but John hides behind his false bravado.

The fans think Cena sucks and Bray promises to end this fairy tale at Payback. He’ll be the last man standing or no man will ever stand again. Tonight Luke Harper is going to put John Cena down. This brings out Cena, but he comes through the crowd to get at Bray as Harper and Rowan go to the aisle. Bray gets caught in the AA before Harper and Rowan can chase him off.

We recap Daniel Bryan being attacked by Kane last week and Stephanie saying how sorry she was. We’ll get the update on the title later tonight.

Here are Cesaro and Heyman with something to say. Heyman says the people in the ring are the stars while the fans are the wannabes. They should worship the mic he uses as he talks about Brock conquer the Streak. The fans finish the line for him so Heyman lays on the ground, asking who he is. “No I’m not your queen finally dead. I’M THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA! EXCEPT I CAN GET UP!”

Sheamus vs. Cesaro

Non-title. Sheamus isn’t exactly popular in England. Cesaro takes him into the corner to start for a slap to the face but Cesaro bails to the floor before the ten forearms can get started. Back in and the ten forearms connect, but Cesaro bails to the floor again. They head back inside for some uppercuts from Cesaro as a JBL chant starts up. Sheamus comes back with the slingshot shoulder and the crowd has switched to JERRY. Cesaro sidesteps a charge to send Sheamus to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cesaro ramming in knees to the ribs and putting on a sleeper. Sheamus quickly fights out with some shots to the ribs and the ax handles to the face. Not that it matters as Sheamus misses a charge into the post and Cesaro takes over again. The superplex from the apron gets two but Cesaro charges into the Irish Curse.

Sheamus hits the rolling fireman’s carry for another two and they have a hard slugout. Cesaro sends the Irishman chest first into the buckle and catches him coming off the top with the uppercut for two. Sheamus makes a quick comeback but gets distracted by Heyman, allowing Cesaro to grab a German suplex for the pin at 12:36.

Rating: C+. Two weeks. He’s been champion TWO WEEKS and he’s already getting pinned in the ring on Raw. Do they just want the titles to mean nothing at all or is this some massive rib that we don’t get? Yeah it’s Cesaro, but was there NO OTHER WAY to set up whatever they’re doing here?

Post match Cesaro won’t shake hands.

Shield vs. Evolution at Payback is now anything goes and an elimination match. We get a video of the end of last week’s show.

Big E. vs. Ryback

This is the first of eight Beat the Clock challenges. The winner in the fastest time gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Payback. Ryback runs Big E. over to start but E. shoves him into the corner with ease. A missed charge allows Ryback to take over again and stomp away before getting two off a suplex. Some hard elbows in the corner have Big E. in more trouble and a big driving shoulder puts him down again. Big E. grabs a belly to belly suplex for another two but Ryback nails a spinebuster and beats on his chest. The Meathook gets two but Big E. slips out of a powerbomb, setting up the Big Ending for the pin at 5:02.

Rating: D+. Not great here but it’s nice to see Big E. get a win like this. I can’t imagine that the time is going to hold up over the course of eight matches, but at it’s not a terrible time. I’m not sure who all they’re going to put into the challenge to have sixteen guys, but it might help get some people on television.

Some special Olympians trained at the WWE Performance Center. That’s always cool.

R-Truth/Trinity vs. Fandango/Layla

Fandango gets a BIG reaction, at least partially due to having the British Layla with him. Before the match, a LIVID Summer Rae storms out to the ring and kisses Fandango before getting into a catfight with Layla. No match.

Bolieve! This week on Smackdown.

We get Daniel Bryan’s music but it’s Stephanie coming out doing the YES pose. She says the fans should be chanting YES right now because Daniel Bryan is at home convalescing. She says she’s got some…well she’ll let someone else say it. We get a quick montage of Barrett saying he has BAD NEWS before we get a horrible imitation from Stephanie.

She’s thinking about stripping Bryan of the title and awarding it to Kane. Or she could strip him of the title and award it to Bad News Barrett. How about to Batista? Seriously though, if anyone is deserving, it should be HHH. In all seriousness though, Bryan won’t be stripped of the title. Instead, Bryan has to show up next week on Raw and surrender the title because it’s best for business. In other words, no real news this week.

Here are the Union Jacks, more commonly known as 3MB. Here’s his opponent.

Rusev vs. Heath Slater

Before the match Lana talks about how great Putin is and how the Soviet Union will take over England and America. Slater tries to dive on Rusev but all three Jacks are destroyed. We hed inside for the opening bell and pain quickly comes to Slater. There’s the spinning slam and the Accolade gets the submission at 38 seconds.

Shield still wants to know if that was Evolution’s best shot. Reigns is sporting a black eye from a match against Orton over the weekend. Rollins is ready for Batista tonight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam

Another Beat the Clock match with the time at 5:02. They trade some quick rollups for two each to start before Del Rio gets a quick suplex for two. Del Rio kicks him to the floor as we’ve got 3:30 to go in the clock. Back in and we hit the chinlock on RVD before he comes back with some lame clotheslines.

They seem to get mixed up with Van Dam wanting Rolling Thunder but Alberto being too close, forcing Rob into a legdrop instead. Del Rio comes back with a Backstabber for two but Van Dam kicks out of the armbreaker. A running flip splash keeps Del Rio down but the Five Star misses. A rolling cradle gets two for Alberto but he misses the low superkick, giving Rob the pin at 4:15.

Rating: C-. This is the problem with Beat the Clock: the matches don’t have time to go anywhere and people keep having to try for fast pins instead of giving the match a chance to build. These two don’t really have the best chemistry either, making the whole thing kind of mess. Fine from a technical standpoint but not much else.

We look back at the opening segment.

Cena is in the back and says he’ll have the Usos in his corner again tonight. At Payback, he’ll have to face a crowd full of Bray Wyatt’s followers. The three of them start rhythmically beating on their chests and do the We Say Us bit. This was rather strange.

Evolution is ready for Payback and tells Batista to take Rollins out.

Seth Rollins vs. Batista

Shield is banned from ringside, but HHH is guest ring announcer. His first announcement: Randy Orton is guest timekeeper. Rollins introduces Reigns and Ambrose as the special guest commentators to even things out. Batista hammers away to start but Rollins takes him into the corner for a quick stomping. Batista rams him into the apron as Ambrose is toying with JBL on commentary. Rollins escapes a powerslam and we take a break.

Back with Batista kicking Rollins out to the floor but holding his elbow in the corner. Evolution gets a bit too close to Rollins and Shield stands up to stop them. Back in and we hit the chinlock on Rollins before a hard elbow to the jaw gets two. Rollins fights back by shoving Batista off the ropes and nailing a running sleeper drop. A running dropkick puts Big Dave on the floor and there’s a nice suicide dive to take him down again.

Orton teases getting involved, drawing Ambrose and Reigns off commentary. Rollins misses the springboard knee to the head and gets caught by the spinebuster. Dave charges into a boot though and the springboard knee gets a VERY close two. Seth goes up again but gets shoved off the top, triggering a brawl on the floor. Ambrose runs across the announcers’ tables to take out HHH but gets caught by Orton. Rollins comes over to go after HHH but gets caught by a right hand, drawing the DQ at 13:42.

Rating: B-. I was digging this match but it’s a smart move to not have anyone job in the end. Rollins looked on equal footing with Batista out there, which is way more than I would have expected from him. Shield has looked completely equal to Evolution throughout this entire feud and that’s a GREAT sign.

Batista gets speared post match but a HHH distraction saves him from the Triple Bomb.

Alicia Fox vs. Paige

Non-title. Alicia kicks her right in the face to start but gets kicked in the chest and headbutted for her efforts. Fox bails to the floor but catches Paige coming out and rams her into the barricade. Back in and Fox leans over Paige for a slap to the face before sending Paige into the corner. Paige gets caught with a backbreaker into the corner and a kick to the ribs, allowing Fox to grab a deep cover for the pin at 3:32. Just like that.

Rating: D. Sheamus was bad enough. At the end of the day, this is still Alicia Fox. I think that’s about enough for the explanation.

Fox freaks out again post match, but this time due to happiness. She puts Lawler’s crown on to celebrate this time.

Luke Harper calls Cena a mouse that will be eaten by a snake. Bray says the Usos are dominoes that will be knocked over.

Mark Henry vs. Dolph Ziggler

Beat the Clock again with the time set at 4:15. Apparently this is the final match in the competition so I have no idea what Cole was talking about with eight. It’s not even eight people. Henry runs Ziggler over to start and suplexes him down as we’re already down to three minutes. Dolph falls to the floor but gets back in at eight. Ziggler hits what was supposed to be a Fameasser but looked more like a Rough Ryder for two.

Henry throws him outside again but Ziggler comes back with a quick dropkick. 90 seconds left. Another dropkick puts Henry down and we’ve got less than a minute to go. Dolph heads up top but gets caught in a powerslam for two. He loads up the World’s Strongest Slam but takes too long, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag. Time runs out though at 4:15 and Van Dam wins the challenge.

Rating: D+. This was an awkward match with both guys missing a few moves here and there. Van Dam winning the challenge is fine as he’ll get a good match out of Barrett. Ziggler winning would have been fine as well so there wasn’t a bad choice out of either guy here. The match didn’t work though.

Van Dam comes out and gets caught by a Bull Hammer from Barrett. Bad News sucks up to the London crowd and says there’s no way this Englishman is losing to a Yank. Rule Britannia plays Barrett out.

Renee Young brings out Adam Rose for a chat as JBL goes on a huge rant about how much he hates bunnies. Rose wants to know where his cheeseburger is and we’ve got a man named Ethan in a cheeseburger shirt. Rose: “He’s got sesame seeds on his buns. We’re taking him to the doctor next week.” The fans cut off the interview to sing the song (JBL: “STOP IT LONDON! THAT BUNNY COULD HAVE FLEAS!”) before Renee asks why Rose has targeted Swagger and Colter. He just wants them to stop being “grumpy pantses.”

Rose has the bunny dance (JBL: “Euthanize the bunny right now.”) but here are Swagger and Colter to interrupt. Colter wants to know what Rose’s deal is and even asks Swagger to stand back. He calls Rose the thing that is bringing America down and he’ll bring England down too. Colter wants to have a fight with Rose but Jack gets in a cheap shot. He goes after some of the members of the party but Rose is back up for the save.

Bolieve!

John Cena vs. Luke Harper

The Usos are here to counter Rowan and Harper and the phones come out for Bray’s entrance again. That’s quite a cool looking sight. The fans start the dueling chants as Cena hits a bulldog and a big boot to the face gets two. Harper gets in a shot of his own for two as we take our final break. Back with Harper knocking Cena down again before kicking him in the face for two. There’s the Gator Roll and a suplex gets another two count.

We get the singing John Cena Sucks chant as Cena comes back with the ProtoBomb but Harper is ready for the Shuffle and catches Cena in a German suplex. Harper misses a big boot and falls out to the floor, only to get caught in another ProtoBomb. Now the Shuffle connects but Luke escapes the AA and slams Cena face first for two. Harper busts out a dropkick of all things to send Cena to the floor, setting up a suicide dive.

Back in and Cena grabs a tornado DDT for two but gets caught by a superkick for an even closer near fall. Harper busts out a torture rack neckbreaker of all things but stops to look at Bray for support. Cena comes right back with the STF but Harper makes it into the ropes. The Usos take out Rowan and Bray but Wyatt pops up and hits a pair of Sister Abigails. He goes for Cena but gets low bridged, allowing Harper to hit a Michinoku Driver for another two. A quick AA connects but Rowan comes in for the DQ at 12:36.

Rating: C+. This was getting good but you knew there was no way Cena was jobbing here so there were only a few choices to end the match. Harper continues to look awesome in the ring as a power brawler and will certainly have a solid career once he’s no longer dealing with Bray anymore.

With the Usos down, Cena takes Sister Abigail as well and they take him up to the stage. Another Sister Abigail on the stage lays Cena out again. Bray sings while Harper slowly counts to ten to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Stupid booking of midcard champions aside, this worked well enough for the first part. I really could have done without the bait and switch for the title announcement but that’s what you come to expect from WWE. There was some decent enough stuff tonight and the Evolution vs. Shield segment was great. It’s right in the middle so the average grade seems to fit.

Results
Cesaro b. Sheamus – German suplex
Big E. b. Ryback – Big Ending
Rusev b. Heath Slater – Accolade
Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup
Seth Rollins b. Batista via DQ when HHH interfered
Alicia Fox b. Paige – Kick to the ribs
Dolph Ziggler vs. Mark Henry went to a time limit draw
John Cena b. Luke Harper via DQ when Erick Rowan interfered

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Smackdown – May 16, 2014: The Importance Of Minions

Smackdown
Date: May 16, 2014
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re back in WCW country now but the interesting thing is the lack of a healthy WWE Champion. Daniel Bryan has been forced out of action by neck surgery, meaning we’re likely to have the title vacated in the near future. Other than that we’re still focused on the Shield vs. Evolution which will likely get a lot of TV time tonight, along with Cena vs. Wyatt. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Daniel Bryan announcing his neck surgery from Monday. He promises he’ll be back.

Here’s Cena to get things going. We get a quick video of Bray Wyatt mentioning a last man standing match on Raw. First up though, Cena wishes Daniel Bryan the best and hopes he gets back soon. That brings Cena around to Bray, who he knows can’t want a last man standing match. Bray doesn’t have the heart to get into a match where there are no rules and you have to beat your opponent so senseless that they can’t answer the count of ten. Cena has been in those kind of matches before and knows what they’re like.

Bray is a far more intelligent person than that because he doesn’t have any of the dozen words Cena uses for testicles. Cena accepts the challenge for a last man standing match at Payback. However that leaves us with nothing to do tonight, so Cena thinks we should have a fight. He makes an open challenge to any member of the Wyatt Family and Bray gets to make the pick. Cena bets that Bray won’t pick himself but here’s Wyatt to answer.

Bray says Cena doesn’t know him as well as he thinks he does. Wyatt walks with monsters and sings with spirits while Cena’s world begs on its knees for mercy. Now comes the end of the story. Whoever shall be the last man standing will conquer all, but whoever loses will be trapped in the prison of his own thoughts. Cena can make all the jokes he wants but Bray wants to thank him. John has opened Bray’s mind and shown him the key to all of Bray’s problems. His cure will take the air from Cena’s lungs. The challenge for tonight is accepted.

Bolieve!

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Usos

Non-title. Goldust and Jey get us going with the Uso being run over by a shoulder block and taking an atomic drop. Some armdrags take Goldust down as Cole tells us about Cody celebrating about his win over Sandow on Raw. Speaking of Cody he comes in off a missile dropkick and cranks on a hammerlock. It’s not good enough to prevent a tag though as Jimmy comes in and works on an armbar of his own.

The champions start their fast tags to stay on Cody with a double elbow drop for two. Cody fights over and tags in Goldie for some elbows of his own. Rhodes low bridges Jey to the floor to take over in a rather heelish move. We take a break and come back with Cody whipping Jey into the corner for another near fall. Goldust sends Jey’s weakened arm into the post and gets two off a powerslam.

Back to Rhodes who stays on the arm but gets caught by a shot to the ribs. Goldust saves the hot tag but gets sent to the floor, allowing Jimmy to come in. The Samoan drop and running Umaga attack are good for two on Rhodes. Everything breaks down with Goldust and Jey fighting to the floor. The Disaster Kick lays Jimmy out but Jey makes the save. Jimmy comes back with the superkick and the Superfly Splash is good for the pin at 8:20 shown of 10:50.

Rating: C. Basic but well done match here with both teams looking fine. This was much more interesting than watching Cody have a two minute singles match that goes nowhere for the same purpose. It could also play up the idea of Cody not being able to do anything with Goldust around and wanting to do everything on his own.

Cody is upset post match and leaves on his own.

El Torito vs. Heath Slater

Slater holds up a cape for no apparent reason and gets gored from behind. Heath slams him down and kicks Torito around with his boot before posing a bit. Torito tries to fight back but Slater holds him back with one hand. Horny tries to come in but hits Slater by mistake, allowing Torito to hit a moonsault press for the pin at 2:18.

We recap Shield vs. Evolution on Monday.

Natalya vs. Nikki Bella

Eva Marie is guest referee for no apparent reason. Natalya takes her down to start and we get a nice bridge up into an attempted backslide. A discus lariat gets two on Nikki but she comes back with a kind of facebuster for two. Natalya comes back with a surfboard but Nikki rolls backwards into a cradle for the pin at 2:30. Again they were there for how they looked in their outfits, but this was WAY better than Raw.

Dolph Ziggler is in the back and says that Batista is the weak link of Evolution. He can’t just come back and be the star that he once was. Tonight the Show Off is going to show Batista up.

Batista vs. Dolph Ziggler

Feeling out process to start with Ziggler actually knocking Batista out to the floor. Big Dave pulls him out as well and sends Dolph hard into the steps. Back in and Dolph is whipped into the corner before a suplex gets two. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds, followed by a wicked spinebuster to put Ziggler down. Ziggler punches out of the Batista Bomb and comes back with a DDT to put both guys down. Batista misses a charge into the post and Dolph hammers away until Batista hits him low for the DQ at 4:32.

Rating: C-. These guys have always had good chemistry together, even back when Dolph was first starting out in the WWE. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but it’s nice to see Ziggler hanging in there with Batista. I really wouldn’t mind seeing these guys get a nice long match someday which isn’t something I’d think I’d say about Batista.

Batista lays out Ziggler post match, powerbombing him onto the barricade.

Titus O’Neil vs. Sheamus

Non-title and fallout from a few weeks ago when Titus jumped Sheamus before a match, only to get beaten in about 40 seconds. Before the match this time, Titus says Sheamus didn’t even pin anyone for the title. He shouldn’t be US Champion because he’s not from the United States. On top of that, everyone in the company is tough, including Titus. He gives Sheamus a chance to get out of the ring before the match. Bell, Brogue Kick, Sheamus laughs, pin at 15 seconds. According to a live report, Titus called Sheamus “hot mayonnaise white”, which must have been edited out.

Byron Saxton tries to interview Adam Rose but Adam is more interested in a cheeseburger. He has no issue with Jackie Swagger, even though he finds Zeb and Jack boring. A big lemon comes out of the bus and Byron declares himself a Rosebud. Someone puts a clown wig on Saxton’s head and he starts dancing.

Bolieve!

Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow

This is the result of Sandow’s open challenge. Sandow hammers away to start but misses a charge into the corner, gets caught with the Cobra and pinned in 40 seconds.

Post match Sandow goes on a rant about what a great soldier he is and how the fans love it when the smart guy loses. However someone keeps leaving the mic on, which cues the mic guy to cut the sound. This might go somewhere if Sandow ever got to say anything.

Video of Cena at the Susan G. Komen rally in Washington DC.

R-Truth vs. Cesaro

Truth is a North Carolina boy so the fans are even more into him. Before the match we get the usual schtick from Heyman, this time focusing on the truth of Brock Lesnar conquering the Streak, and Cesaro winning the Andre battle royal being what’s up. Cesaro jumps Truth during WHAT’S UP but Truth does his backflip into the side kick for two. The ax kick misses though and it’s Swiss Death into the Neutralizer for the pin at 1:15.

The Raw ReBound talks about Bryan being attacked after his announcement of requiring neck surgery. The update says Bryan’s surgery was a success. Another update will be coming on Monday, along with an announcement on the future of the title.

It’s time for the main event and all three Wyatts surround Cena. This brings out the Usos to even things up as we take a break.

John Cena vs. ???

Bray selects Erick Rowan to do the dirty work tonight. Rowan takes it right to Cena in the corner before slamming him down in the middle of the ring. John fights back with right hands but runs into a back elbow to the jaw. Cena is thrown to the floor and then into the steps, right in front of Wyatt. Back in and Erick does the two fist head vice before throwing him right back to the floor.

John gets back in and Rowan runs him over again before we hit the bearhug. A modified Boss Man Slam gets two on Cena but he fights back with the ProtoBomb and Shuffle. Cena dives into a fall away slam followed by a splash in the corner. Not that it matters as Cena grabs the STF, drawing in Harper. Jey easily takes him out though and a dive to the floor drops Harper again. Rowan busts out a claw slam of all things for two, only to walk into the AA for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: C. That’s the beauty of minions for Wyatt. On top of that it was a decent power match with Rowan continuing to look fine. He and Harper have a future as a tag team and likely will get the shot against the Usos at Payback. It’ll be a solid power vs. speed match and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Overall Rating: C-. This was another meaningless Smackdown but there are far worse ways to spend a Friday night. Like reading through all the people running off at the mouth about the stock falling. The short matches worked in a way as I didn’t have time to get annoyed or bored with a lot of the lame acts. Some story progression took place, but everything is kind of in limbo due to the impending announcement about the title and the European tour.

Results
Usos b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Superkick to Rhodes
El Torito b. Heath Slater – Moonsault press
Nikki Bella b. Natalya – Cradle
Dolph Ziggler b. Batista via DQ when Batista hit him low
Sheamus b. Titus O’Neil – Brogue Kick
Santino Marella b. Damien Sandow – Cobra
Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer
John Cena b. Erick Rowan – Attitude Adjustment

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Smackdown – May 9, 2014: The Hangover Edition

Smackdown
Date: May 9, 2014
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

After Monday dealt with the fallout from Extreme Rules, which was fallout from Wrestlemania, we get to deal with the fallout from the fallout here on Smackdown. The main story at the moment is Evolution laying out Shield to end the show, meaning we’re likely setting up Evolution vs. Shield II at Payback. Also Daniel Bryan has gone from a monster at Wrestlemania to Laurie Strode about a month later. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the battle royal where Sheamus won the US Title, last eliminating reigning champion Dean Ambrose. This transitions into a recap of the main event where Evolution helped the Wyatts defeat Shield and beat down the Hounds of Justice post match.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose

No Rollins and Reigns outside this time. Dean is favoring his ribs or arm coming in but takes Sheamus down to start. The champion counters into a headlock takeover followed by a running shoulder. Cole is already playing up Sheamus getting the title through less than fair measures, even though he won the match though totally fair and legal means. Sheamus cranks on the arm but Dean fights back with that kind of running Thesz Press of his.

They head outside with Sheamus ramming Ambrose into the announce table but getting suplexed onto the floor. Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman’s carry as we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a full nelson and hammering away at Sheamus’ head. Sheamus goes shoulder first into the post and out to the floor, setting up a great looking suicide dive from Dean. Back in and we hit the Figure Four, which is some pretty lame psychology after Sheamus’ shoulder hit the post and barricade about twenty seconds ago.

The champ gets to a rope and comes back with the Irish Curse and a Cloverleaf. Another rope is grabbed and Dean heads to the apron, setting up the ten forearms to the chest. A big kick to the chest sends Dean into the ropes but he explodes out with a clothesline to put both guys down. Back up and the Brogue Kick out of nowhere sends Ambrose to the floor. Ambrose dives back in at nine, only to take a second Brogue Kick for the pin at 8:19 shown of 11:49.

Rating: C+. Again, I don’t see why this is supposed to be the start of a heel turn for Sheamus. He won the title in a match that is about everyone being in the ring at the same time where the announcers talk about how you have to watch your back. Then he beats the former champion clean with his finishing move. That sounds like one man being better than the other, not one man cheating to win. If that’s where they’re going, then hopefully Sheamus starts doing some heelish stuff instead of the turn being forced because the script says that’s what happens.

Rob Van Dam/Big E. vs. Bad News Barrett/Cesaro

Van Dam has a big black eye and Heyman is on commentary. The Bad News for the week is that climate change is coming and soon people like Big E. are going to be forgotten pieces of history. Barrett hammers on Van Dam to start but gets caught by the springboard kick to the face. Bad News puts on a chinlock as Heyman talks about Brock beating Undertaker. Another kick puts Barrett down and it’s a double tag to Big E. and Cesaro. Big E. takes over with the usual and gets two off the splash. A Rock Bottom out of the corner gets the same but Van Dam accidentally kicks Big E., setting up the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:38.

We look at stills of Bryan vs. Kane from the PPV.

Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Just Rusev now. We get another pro-Putin rant from Lana before the match, saying he should win the Nobel Peace Prize. Kofi fires off some kicks to start but gets crushed by a jumping kick to the face. A dropkick staggers Rusev and Kofi hammers away with right hands in the corner, only to have his sunset flip countered by a choke. The cross body gets two on Rusev but Kofi slams him down and hooks the Accolade for the win at 2:06.

The Wyatts come on screen with Bray talking about how the world must crumble because we’re all just slaves to judgment. Judgment tells him he must adapt and it is judgment that says he must bow to Cena. But where we’re going, no one ever comes back.

Bolieve!

Layla/Fandango vs. Santino Marella/Emma

Santino takes Fandango down with a headlock to start but the dancer slams him down. He takes too long dancing on the middle rope though and misses a knee drop, allowing for a double tag to the girls. There’s the Dilemma to Layla and everything breaks down. Emma loads up the pink Cobra but the guys fighting allows Layla to roll her up for the pin at 2:06.

Fandango and Layla kiss on stage.

Roman Reigns vs. Mark Henry

We get an inset interview from Henry saying this is about revenge for Shield attacking him 3-1 a few months ago. Points for continuity. Henry throws Reigns into the corner a few times before winning a slugout by going for Roman’s bad ribs. Mark talks a bunch of trash about how Reigns is by himself tonight and you can hear JBL cover up a laugh. He bends Reigns’ bad ribs around the post as this is one sided so far.

As I say that, Reigns comes back with the jumping clothesline to put Henry down for the first time. Roman tries another charge but runs into a clothesline from Mark. Henry loads up what appeared to be a Vader Bomb but Reigns lifts him onto his shoulders and plants Mark with a Samoan drop. The spear is enough for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C-. This was a nice mini story with Reigns fighting through adversity and going into Beast Mode to win in the end. That’s the kind of win that makes Reigns look like a monster who isn’t going to be stopped and that’s exactly what he needs at this point. It’s not a masterpiece and was just a quick match but it was nice to see.

3MB vs. Los Matadores/El Torito

It’s Slater/McIntyre for 3MB here along with Horny. McIntyre clotheslines Fernando down for two to start before stomping away. Off to Slater as the big guys start tagging in and out to work over Fernando. JBL drops a Bastian Booger birthday greeting of all things as Horny comes in for some shots of his own. 3MB keeps up the tags until Fernando scores with a dropkick to put both guys down.

Horny: “TAG ME IN! I WANT TO RIP HIS FACE OFF!” Both small guys get tags and Torito starts biting, only to get punched in the jaw for his efforts. The Gore puts Horny on the floor but only seems to tick him off. Slater won’t tag in for some reason but does break up a pin attempt off a splash. Heath comes in legally but misses a charge, allowing Torito to hit a moonsault press for the pin at 4:23.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see but that’s become the standard for this feud. Speaking of nothing to see, did Los Matadores fall into a hole for the second half of the match? I’d assume they were fighting with the other full sized guys but the camera didn’t catch much of it if they were. This feud has run out of steam though.

Long recap of Bryan vs. Kane on Monday.

Mr. T. wishes us a Happy Mother’s Day.

Batista vs. Seth Rollins

This has potential. Rollins is banged up as well with a bad arm and misses a charge into the corner to start. Another missed charge sends Rollins to the floor and Batista ties him up in the ring skirt for a beating. The fans tell Batista he can’t wrestle before he pulls Rollins away from the ropes for a big crash to the mat. Back outside already with Seth going into the steps.

We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Batista goes after the bad arm by wrapping it around the post. Batista tries to pull Rollins out of the corner again but Seth backflips (mostly) to his feet. Big Dave misses a charge of his own and goes shoulder first into the post, allowing Rollins to hit some running forearms in the corner. A running sleeper slam from Rollins sets up the standing Sliced Bread #2 but Batista gets away.

Seth scores with an enziguri from the apron but misses the top rope knee to the head, only to run into the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb is countered and now the running knee sends Batista down to the floor. Seth goes up top for a dive, only to be sent face first into the announce table for the countout at 8:55.

Rating: C+. Give this another five minutes and it’s a far better match. This was another good sign for the Shield as Rollins can clearly hang in there with a big star in a longer match. He reminds me of a Jeff Hardy in the ring with all of the dives and it’s easy to get behind his comebacks.

Post match Batista lays Rollins out with a Batista Bomb.

Wyatt Family vs. Usos/John Cena

Cena runs over Rowan to start and scores with a quick release fisherman’s suplex. Harper comes in for one of those freaky looks of his so Cena takes him down with a bulldog. Off to Jey for some shots to the face before Jimmy comes in for some running shots in the corner. Luke comes back with a right hand of his own and it’s off to Rowan who walks into a Jimmy punch. Harper comes back in to take over on Jey with catapult into the middle rope for two.

Bray is legal for the first time and chokes even more as this isn’t the most energetic match in the world. Wyatt does the Spider Walk out of the corner but Jey kicks his arm away in a nice counter. A low bridge puts Bray on the floor but Harper breaks up a tag attempt. There’s the Gator Roll followed by a chinlock before it’s back to Erick for a headlock.

Jey shoves him into the corner and avoids a splash, finally allowing for the hot tag to Jimmy to face Bray. Cena gets in a cheap shot from the apron as Jimmy superkicks Harper down for two. Bray and Rowan double team Cena but Jimmy dives on all three of them. He goes back inside though and eats the discus lariat from Harper for the pin at 8:18.

Rating: D+. The match was fine from a technical standpoint but there was no energy to this at all. It felt like a dark match or the main event of a house show at the end of a long tour. Most of it was just punching and variations of chinlocks with no real big saves and almost nothing from Cena at all. I expected more from this one but it does advance the Family vs. Usos down the line.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t much of a show as it’s really just a supplement to Raw, which wasn’t a great show in the first place. It’s cool to see the Shield wrestling on their own and they didn’t perform horribly, but the rest of the show really didn’t do anything for me at all. It’s really just a long set of matches that don’t change anything and won’t matter by the time Monday comes around.
 

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