Here’s a commentator who could actually wrestle: Jerry Lawler.

This is going to be a bit different than you might expect. Lawler has been around SO long that it’s almost impossible to cover everything. I’ll have to jump a lot as several years of his old stuff is very difficult to find.

Lawler got started in 1970. Here’s a match from I believe 1975/1976.

Jerry Lawler vs. Don Anderson

Lawler is a huge heel here and is already ticking the fans off before the match. The guy is nothing short of a master at that. A headlock goes nowhere and it’s Anderson taking over with an armbar. Back up and Lawler backs up before grabbing an armbar. Anderson counters and we get a complaint of tights being pulled to no avail. Back up again and Jerry hammers away, knocking him out to the floor with a big right hand. This brings out a football player that Lawler had yelled at earlier to knock Jerry out for the DQ.

Here’s a one time only moment: Ric Flair comes to Memphis. This was all set up and blown off in one episode. Flair was in Memphis on August 14, 1982 for a match and the angle came from there. I’ll include the promos for background.

Flair comes in to the studio and talks about how Memphis has surprised him with its class and how well read everyone is. He’s willing to wrestle here out of the goodness of his heart and signs for a contract against the Southern Heavyweight Champion, whoever that is at that point, at a date in the future. He’ll also be in the ring later tonight against Rick McCord.

Later in the show, Jerry Lawler comes out and doesn’t like that he’s facing Pat Hutchinson because Pat isn’t much competition. He would however like to shake hands with Ric Flair. Here’s Flair in the robe but Lawler asks him to step down off the apron for a second. Flair acts like he doesn’t know who Lawler is, even though Lawler says they wrestled on the same card a few months ago.

Ric says he isn’t wasting his time on Lawler but he’ll talk to him after the match. Jerry says Ric is here to impress the pretty women of Memphis and that won’t happen if he beats a rookie like McCord. The World Champion isn’t impressed and says he could wrestle a broom. He’s surprised by Memphis and could wrestle anyone and impress everybody. If the people here want him to face somebody else, then bring them out.

That’s exactly what Lawler wanted to hear, because he’d love to wrestle Ric Flair. Ric agrees to a ten minute time limit non-title match. Jerry plays on Flair’s ego, saying that if no one is up to Flair’s caliber, why not put the title on the line? Ric thinks it’s beneath him but he’ll do it anyway. They make it clear that the title is on the line for ten minutes.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Jerry Lawler

After the introductions, Flair wants it known that the champion is a fair man. Lawler may be a big man in Memphis, but Flair will give him the chance to walk out right now. Lawler says bring it on and the bell rings. Ric easily takes him to the mat and Jerry clearly isn’t much of an amateur wrestler. They trade hammerlocks with Flair being taken to the mat and it’s off to an armbar by the King. Jerry wins a battle over a top wristlock and takes the champion down with a headlock.

Back up and the time is already screwed up as they’re halfway done after about four minutes. Jerry is sent face first into the buckle but he catches Ric in a quickly broken sleeper. There are less than three minutes to go and Flair chops Lawler down, only to get caught in a gutwrench suplex for two. Ric hammers away and gets two off an elbow drop as we’ve got a minute left. There’s a knee drop for two more and a delayed vertical suplex. Flair puts on the Figure Four as time runs out after less than eight minutes.

Rating: D. The match was pretty horrible but they didn’t have the time to go anywhere. You would think Lawler would get in more offense though as this was mainly a Flair squash after about three minutes in. The time thing was probably a TV deal and something that was very common back in the day.

Post match Flair screams that Lawler gave up but is told it was a time limit draw. Now he wants five more minutes and the match continues. Flair throws Lawler around but Jerry is all ticked off. There goes the strap and Jerry hammers away before sending him into the corner for a Flair Flip. The middle rope fist connects and Ric bails to the floor. He grabs the title and leaves for the countout.

Lawler declares himself the winner and wants to know where his belt is. After a break, promoter Eddie Marlin comes out and says there was no contract and it wasn’t a title match. Ric comes back out and says there’s no contract and rips Memphis apart. Flair won’t ever wrestle Lawler again and says Jimmy Hart is the only man he trusts in Memphis.

Ric writes Hart a check for $10,000 for the destruction of Jerry Lawler. He’ll sign the check the day he hears that Lawler has a broken arm, a broken leg, a broken neck or whatever it takes to get him out of wrestling. There will be men coming in from around the world to take care of Lawler and he’ll know that Ric Flair is the Big Daddy of Memphis. I’ve always liked this story, even though it was something they did in almost every territory to make the top guy look like an even bigger deal.

We’ll stay in Memphis with this match on January 15, 1983. And no it’s not him.

Sabu vs. Jerry Lawler

Boy that would mean a much different match today. Before the match Lawler says he’s sick of Hart and all of his cronies and all their bounties and challenges and all that stuff. If Hart wants to, bring all his boys out here right now and let’s do it. Hart and Sabu come out and it’s on fast. Lawler throws Sabu into the ring and the beating begins. They head to the floor and Lawler destroys him with a chair. I don’t think this was anything resembling a match. Actually the referee is letting it keep going. Eaton runs in and gets a right hand from Jerry.

Lawler beats the tar out of Eaton too before heading back in to beat on Sabu some more. Back to Eaton as Jerry has to keep going between the two of them. He doesn’t seem to have many friends here does he? Sabu finally gets in a shot on Lawler with his collar and the beating is on. Some people finally come in to help but get beaten down as well.

From the AWA’s Super Sunday in 1983.

Jerry Lawler vs. John Tolos

Tolos is a guy named the Golden Greek who died a few years back. This is right after the David Letterman show with Kaufman so Lawler is a national sensation at this point. Tolos jumps him immediately and Jerry is in trouble early on. He hits a jumping shot to the arm and hooks a wristlock on Lawler. Lawler comes back with a punch and hooks a headlock. It’s so weird hearing Jerry called a young man.

Lawler cranks on the head and the fans are getting into his stuff. He cranks on the head twenty seven times with the fans counting along. A big right hand puts Tolos down and hooks the chinlock. A jawbreaker gets him out of that and they collide to put both guys down. Tolos gets up and throws him over the top for….not a DQ for some reason.

Back in Tolos gets some two counts and there goes the strap. He takes Tolos down and hits rapid fire punches to the face followed by the middle rope fist drop for two. Lawler misses a charge and both guys go down. Tolos misses a middle rope knee drop and the piledriver ends this. Lawler can’t do much but he can hit a piledriver with the best of them.

Rating: D+. Not much here but Lawler was a much bigger deal at this point on a national stage due to the Letterman/Kaufman thing. Having him come out here and piledrive a midcard level guy was the right move. The problem with this show is becoming clear though as there aren’t any real stories to the matches. To be fair though, that’s normal for wrestling back in this era.

Back in Memphis on December 26, 1987. There wasn’t much to be seen in the years between.

Lord of the Ring First Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jerry Lawler

Hennig jumps Lawler to start and stomps away with Jerry in big trouble. Curt pokes him in the eye as this has been one sided so far. Lawler is draped across the top rope for two and a knee lift puts him down again. Curt sends him into the corner as the beating continues. Lawler finally starts getting fired up and takes the strap down as the fans get into the match. Jerry pounds away in the corner so Hennig throws the referee down. Apparently that isn’t a DQ so Lawler makes his comeback and punches Curt down, eventually ending him with the middle rope fist drop.

Rating: D. This was more of an angle instead of a match. Jerry was chasing the world title at this point and would finally win in about five months later. This was more or less a teaser for future matches which is fine, though I’m surprised they went with the champion getting pinned in just over five minutes.

Jerry would finally get his real World Title (kind of) when Curt Hennig was jumping to the WWF. Lawler would be AWA World Champion in a title unification match at SuperClash III.

AWA World Title/WCCW World Title: Jerry Lawler vs. Kerry Von Erich

This is a legit unification match which is rarer than anything you’ll ever see in modern wrestling. This would be like the TNA Champion and ROH Champion unifying their belts. See what I mean? The unification lasted like a month because no one could actually let that stand. Lawler comes out to Gonna Fly Now. That takes guts. Both guys are faces but Lawler is the de facto heel.

Kerry, ever the brilliant guy, cuts his left arm half to pieces TAKING HIS JACKET OFF, because that’s where he was keeping his razor. There is literally blood dripping onto the mat 5 seconds into the match. Lawler rams it into the post like 40 seconds in to give it a reason to bleed, which shows some intelligence. Marshall manages to confuse right and left. And people wonder why this company folded.

Kerry hits a big right hand to take over and keeps checking his cut. Marshall says both of them have beaten Flair, Savage and Hogan. That’s true in Lawler’s case but I don’t remember ANY instance of Von Erich even facing Savage or Hogan. Then again he messed up left and right not 2 minutes ago so I’d take that with a grain of salt. Von Erich gets a clothesline and Lawler is annoyed.

Still feeling out now. Again remember that Lawler is a legit tough guy here and not a comedy guy that is a grizzled veteran. School boy gets two for Kerry. They do a test of strength which even the announcers say is stupid for Lawler. Jerry misses a right hand and the discus punch gets two. Lawler sends him to the floor and takes over as we’re into the meat of the match now.

Piledriver is loaded up and hits but Kerry beats him to his feet. Another discus punch hits for two. Claw goes on but he can’t quite cinch it in. A knee drop misses and Jerry gets a second wind. And there goes the referee about ten minutes in. Von Erich gets a Piledriver and there’s no referee. There is blood everywhere. Outside and Kerry punches the post by mistake, shifting momentum again.

Lawler does the Memphis standard of pretending to have a foreign object to drive the fans nuts. There’s nothing in his hand but it looks great. Kerry’s head is busted now and Lawler goes in for the kill, hitting the middle rope punch for two. He throws in the foreign object on the second one but Lawler jumps into the Iron Claw on the stomach (just go with it). The regular Claw goes on and blood is literally dripping off Von Erich’s head. Jerry finally gets a rope but it goes on again, this time in the middle of the ring.

The referee keeps checking on the cut and Kerry keeps shaking his head to make it harder to do, probably thinking there’s too much blood there. They get up and Kerry misses a charge in the corner to send Kerry’s head into the post. I was wrong earlier as they’ve found new places to bleed on. They slug it out and Lawler gets the object again for another shot.

Kerry’s tights have blood on them and are half red now when they started as white. Jerry goes after the eye like a crazy man and just picks his shots now. Kerry misses a big swing and it’s Ali Shuffle time. Time for the object again and Von Erich hits the floor. Lawler gets a running punch back in and Kerry is somehow able to fight back.

Discus punch hits in the corner and the referee keeps wanting to check on the cut. They punch each other and the referee finally gets to check on the cut. The fans are totally behind Kerry here. Claw goes on again and Lawler is almost dead but gets his arm up at the last possible second a few times. The referee checks the eye again and stops the match with Lawler out cold. Not for Lawler passing out, but because Von Erich “can’t continue.” WEAK ending, especially when Lawler is unconscious.

Rating: B+. This would have been a lot higher if they got the ending right. The blood thing works if they’re both down or something, but with Lawler out cold in the Claw and somehow winning there, I don’t get how that exactly works. Still though, this wouldn’t last long at all as the AWA stripped their title off Lawler in January or so and Larry Zbyszko of all people won it due to being Verne’s son in law.

Back to Memphis again on January 26, 1991.

Jerry Lawler vs. Terry Garvin

Uptown Bruno runs his mouth for awhile on commentary as the stalling is going on. We’re a minute in and there hasn’t been any contact. Ok there’s a lockup so we’re really going now. A right hand puts Garvin on the floor and he yells at the fans a bit. Garvin wants to box and Lawler is fine with it, so Garvin runs again. Back in Garvin charges into a boot in the corner. They’re averaging a strike a minute so far.

Bruno slips Garvin a chain and a pair of shots with it puts Lawler down. Piledriver further kills the King and Bruno chokes a bit. A third chain shot puts him down but Lawler pulls the strap down. He punches Garvin into the ropes and calls for something. Someone throws a pair of scissors in and the chase is on. Garvin runs out for the countout.

Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here as the majority of it was brawling. That’s Memphis 101 though: they’ve very much into a simpler style but it works pretty well as far as a crowd reaction. Stuff like trying to cut someone’s hair is an act of war and a non-existent chain is all you need to send the crowd into a frenzy. It’s the polar opposite of Raw and to an extent it really works.

Another Memphis match from February 13, 1993.

Rock N Roll Phantom vs. Jerry Lawler

The Phantom is Ron Bass’ (remember him? You probably shouldn’t) brother in a mask. He’s rather fat and is from Louisiana. Luger is out for commentary again. The Phantom takes over to start but Lawler gets going and the same guys that came out with Christopher earlier are here with the Phantom. They come in for a DQ at about a minute in. Jarrett and Christopher come out for a huge beatdown. Christopher gets on the mic (fourth or fifth time tonight) and says if Lawler wants to fight him tonight, get Jarrett out of the ring. Christopher tries to run anyway but Lawler catches him and beats him up.

It would soon be off to the WWF, with Lawler going after King of the Ring Bret Hart, triggering a LONG war, including this match at Summerslam 1993. It was supposed to take place earlier in the night but Bret first had to beat Doink the Clown. Jerry attacked him with his crutch to end the previous match, so Bret is coming in weakened.

Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler

Bret blasts him in the head with one of Doink’s buckets before the bell. They head inside and Bret immediately pounds Lawler down and gets in a crutch shot for good measure. Lawler gets in a crutch shot to the throat and chokes away as the referee (ECW’s Bill Alfonzo) is trying to restrain the Hart Brothers.

Bret gets crotched against the post, allowing Lawler to tell the referee to go yell at the Brothers again. The distraction lets Lawler get in more crutch shots in a classic simple heel move. He stops to tell the booing fans to shut up but Bret is ready to fight. Hart destroys Lawer and even throws in a piledriver before putting on the Sharpshooter for the academic submission. He won’t let go though and the decision is reversed.

Rating: B. The match itself isn’t much from an action standpoint, but the story was perfect (Bret wants revenge) and it’s a short form clinic on how to work a crowd from Lawler. Those subtle things like distracting the referee and sneaking in weapon shots and telling the crowd to shut up are so basic and easy but you NEVER see them today. Today’s writers need to watch some Lawler matches and they’ll learn how to have a crowd eating out of a heel’s hand in no time.

It takes about ten referees plus two Brothers to pull Bret off of Lawler. Bret is told that Lawler is the undisputed King so he goes after Jerry again as Lawler is put on a stretcher. Bruce Hart gets in some shots as well but Lawler is finally wheeled off, raising his arm in victory like the true villain he is.

Unfortunately we never got the planned blowoff to this feud as some 15 year old accused Lawler of rape (she admitted she made the whole thing up and Lawler was acquitted) so the Hart Brothers vs. Jerry and three hired goons at Survivor Series never happened. That’s a shame as the reaction for Lawler being destroyed by the whole family including Stu would have been a sight to behold.

Lawler would get into a weird feud with Roddy Piper over some charity deal, setting up Lawler’s lone PPV main event at King of the Ring 1994.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Yes, this is somehow the main event of a show with a tournament and a world title match on it. Also, they talk about the New Generation as Lawler walks down the aisle. So we have two mostly retired guys representing the new generation. Yeah that makes a ton of sense. Donovan inadvertently points out the biggest flaw in the tournament: Lawler has always been king so it’s very confusing.

He calls himself the undisputed king of the company, despite Owen being crowned about 3 minutes ago. See the problem now? There’s also something about a children’s hospital in Canada as we’ve apparently shifted from King of the Ring to a bad TV movie of the week. Of course Piper has a full team of bagpipe players and drummers. For zero apparent reason, Piper is now best friends with the guy that made fun of him on Raw.

That makes less than zero sense. Apparently Lawler is to blame for the kid putting on the Piper outfit, doing an impression of Roddy, and bowing to King and kissing his feet. Why are we having this match again? That makes no sense at all but we’ll go with it anyway. Oh look Piper wants to talk. He uses the bubblegum line to a HUGE pop. The kid makes some bad jokes too for no apparent reason.

So, from the time Lawler came through the curtain, it took 8 minutes to start the actual match. Gorilla says it’s vintage Piper, and in this case it actually is as he doesn’t actually wrestle but fights. The kid has a crown on. Just take me now. Piper throws some punches to mix it up a little. Donovan thinks Piper doesn’t like Lawler. At least this is almost over. The kid keeps interfering and even Piper gets annoyed with him.

Lawler hasn’t gotten a single move in yet and we’re about 4 minutes in. Roddy has short and almost blonde hair at this point and it’s just not right looking. Lawler goes after the kid and gets beaten on. That’s the story way too many times in this. Make that 6 minutes with nothing from Jerry. Hey there’s a punch, and once he gets Piper dazed a bit, he goes after the kid again. This show just needs to end now. I mean right now. Walk out of the ring and the show will be better instantly.

Apparently by being evil, Lawler is showing his true colors. If that’s the case he’s the biggest patriot I’ve ever seen because he never has a problem showing them. We’re in the corner now with the kid next to the buckle and Piper on his for protection while Lawler kicks Piper. I hate this match. There’s no commentary for a bit either as they have nothing to say or Donovan has wandered off again.

Piper “defends” him by shoving him out of the ring head first. 96% of this match has been punches. I mean they’re not even throwing in any kicks or something like that to vary it up a bit. Why are these two main eventing this show? Can ANYONE explain that to me? Apparently Lawler has patented the sleeper. Does ANYONE ever remember him using that? I know Piper used it, but Lawler?

I think Roddy agreed to give money or part of it or something that he wins here to the hospital. You know, instead of just giving it to them anyway from his own pocket. Lawler hits the only high impact move he knows and Roddy gets up. Piper says bring it on, so Lawler punches him down. That’s just amusing. This is just a bad match and it’s not showing any sign of ending.

Piper hits two bulldogs because the first wasn’t enough I suppose. He sets for a third and the referee goes down. Lawler hits him with the legendary foreign object and Piper is out. To continue the idiocy of this match, Lawler puts his feet on the ropes. That’s not that dumb of course as it’s a standard heel move that made Flair more hated than it was thought humanly possible to be.

No, the stupid part is Piper kicking his feet up into the air while not moving Lawler at all. Hey Roddy: IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU MOVED YOUR ARMS TOO! Seriously he’s just kicking them into the air. You would think he’s having a seizure or something. Anyway the kid shoves Lawler’s feet off the ropes because we just haven’t had enough fun tonight.

Piper botches a belly to back suplex and then botches a cover (Yes, he managed to botch a cover) for the pin to end this as apparently it’s a big deal that it’s Father’s Day. Ok then. Piper celebrates with the kid to end this.

Rating: F. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THE POINT OF THIS??? It’s the second longest match of the night and it was AWFUL. Literally, 95%+ of that match was just punching. It wasn’t interesting, there was ZERO reason for this to end the show, and that kid was a freaking pest. Why wasn’t the WWF Title match the main event? It couldn’t have been to send the fans home happy. They were asleep for the most part. Hart won so it’s not like they would have been sad. I’m at a loss for words on this and that’s not something that happens often. I seriously have no clue what they were thinking here.

Back to Bret at the first In Your House. Bret had to face Hakushi earlier in the night but he “injured his knee” so Lawler is very confident.

Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart

Jerry didn’t see the interview so Bret limps to the ring again, only to climb in with ease. Lawler tries to run but gets caught in the corner where Bret pounds away. Bret takes him down with a slam and some legdrops followed by a BIG backdrop. All Hart so far but Lawler comes back with a quick piledriver (his finisher) but Bret is up in just a few seconds. He pounds way on Jerry in the corner again before piledriving Lawler down for one.

Jerry comes back with a slam of his own while going up top, only to jump into Bret’s fist to the ribs. Bret pounds away but here’s Shinja to distract Hart for about the 12th time tonight. The referee is knocked into the ropes and gets his ankle tied up in the ropes as Bret hits the Russian legsweep. Hakushi comes in and takes out Bret with a kick to the head and two top rope headbutts, giving Lawler the easy pin.

Rating: D+. Again this didn’t have the time to go anywhere as the last two matches haven’t even combined to go 11 minutes. Lawler vs. Hart was a feud that went on for over two years and would culminate soon enough. This wasn’t the best entry in the series though but it furthered both itself and Hakushi vs. Bret so no complaints there.

We’ll jump ahead again to Summerslam 1996 where Lawler has been tormenting Jake Roberts for his alcohol issues.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Before the match we have the debut of a new Olympian who will be getting in the ring soon: Mark Henry. Lawler brings his own bag with him along with something in his pocket. He’s also wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey (the beloved Cleveland Browns had recently moved to Baltimore and become the Ravens) because Lawler knows how to rile up a crowd like few others ever could. Henry thinks it’s hilarious despite being a face.

Lawler pulls out two bottles of Jim Beam to be Roberts’ partners tonight and says Roberts’ wife only looks good after a six pack. Henry is so stupid that if he won a gold medal he’d have it bronzed. Once Roberts uses his bar stool as a walker to get out here, Lawler is going to knock him sideways so everyone can recognize him. It’s very impressive how easily Lawler can have a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand like this.

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match with Lawler giving a great lesson in how to fire up a crowd. Roberts wouldn’t be around much longer before heading to ECW and the indies. This would lead to Henry’s first mini feud against Lawler which started got his career going in slow motion.

Post match Lawler says Roberts is holding his throat because he wants a drink. Lawler opens the big bottle to pour it down Jake’s throat but Mark Henry makes a delayed save.

Jerry would be on a team at Survivor Series 1996.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush
Marc Mero, Jake Roberts, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia

I think you know everyone here. Stalker is Barry Windham as a kind of military guerrilla warfare character. This is Rocky’s debut, so who do you think the focus is going to be on? Lawler and Roberts are feuding as well. Mero has Sable with him here. Sunny immediately freaks out on JR for suggesting Sable is hotter. She yells about being natural while Sable is about to melt near the fireworks. Rocky’s outfit looks ridiculous with kind of a cape but made of streamers that goes over his chest as well. Apparently Roberts was a surprise partner and the replacement for Henry.

Jake comes out with the big yellow snake sans bag and chases the team off with it. Goldust and Mero get things going with Marc cranking on the arm. They both block hiptosses so Mero rolls him up for two. Off to Stalker who is now just a guy in camo pants and a WWF t-shirt. Back to Mero to fire off a bunch of hiptosses to Goldie who is a bit calmer than he was last year. Rollup gets two for Mero and it’s back to the arm. Stalker pounds away at Goldie’s ribs before it’s off to HHH. Off to Mero to face Crush as HHH wanted nothing to do with Wildman (Mero).

Mero grabs the arm and for you trivia guys out there, Rocky’s first official time in a WWF ring is against Crush. It lasts all of six seconds before it’s off to Lawler who is immediately punched, kicked in the face, and knocked to the floor. You know Lawler is going to go insane with the selling too. Lawler wants nothing to do with Rocky so it’s off to HHH. Vince explains that Rocky’s name is Dwayne Johnson and that he took the name of his father and grandfather to come up with Rocky Maivia.

In the first of many matches, HHH stomps away in the corner and JR is in football mode. Goldust comes in and drops an elbow followed by some rights to the head. Crush comes in and works on the back for a bit before it’s off to Lawler. Back to HHH as Sunny makes fun of Vince for allegedly having a toupee. Rocky pounds away and backdrops HHH before it’s off to Roberts.

Jake beats up everyone but tries to get to Lawler instead of going after the legal HHH. The shortarm clothesline takes HHH down but the DDT doesn’t work. Off to Lawler who makes fun of Roberts for being an alcoholic. Lawler keeps doing it and there’s the DDT for the first elimination. Goldust comes in next as JR makes fun of the lack of tan on Roberts. We hit the chinlock for a bit until jawbreaker gets Jake out of it. Off to Stalker as JR and Sunny talk about Barry wearing lucky boots. Crush hits Stalker in the back and the Curtain Call (reverse suplex drop) gets the pin for Goldust to tie things up.

Mero comes in immediately to hit a knee lift to take over. Goldie gets in a shot and HHH finally comes in to beat on the other captain. A backbreaker puts Mero down and it’s back to Crush. This is during Crush’s gang member phase and he couldn’t look more out of place with his partners at this point. A legdrop gets two for Crush and it’s off to Goldie. Back to Crush for another backbreaker for two. Things are slowing down a bit here.

HHH comes in again and puts on an abdominal stretch. He gets caught holding the ropes and hiptossed out as is his custom with referees. A sunset flip can’t get HHH down before he makes the tag to Goldust. HHH is back in about five seconds later and let’s look at Sunny! Ok I can’t complain about that one as much. Jake is pulled in sans tag, allowing Mero to hit a moonsault press on HHH for the elimination. That was a very messy sequence with all the tags with nothing happening between them and the non-tag to Jake. Either that or I missed a tag and Mero was totally illegal when he pinned HHH.

It’s Mero/Rocky/Roberts vs. Crush/HHH. Crush comes in next and is almost immediately dropkicked out to the floor. Mero loads up a dive but Goldust makes a save and shoves Crush out of the way. Back inside, Crush’s Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) pins Mero. We were looking at a replay when it happened though so that’s hearsay. Roberts comes in, misses the short clothesline and is Heart Punched out as well.

We’re left with Rocky (who actually gets a face chant in MSG at this point) vs. Goldust and Crush. He starts with the one not painted like an Academy Award and accepts a Test of Strength for some reason. A small package out of nowhere gets two for Maivia and here’s Goldust again. Rocky cross bodies Crush for no count as both bad guys are in the ring at once. Goldust hits Rocky low which isn’t illegal apparently but Crush Heart Punches Goldie. Cross body pins Crush and about thirty seconds later, a shoulder breaker (Rocky’s original finisher) gets the final pin.

Rating: C+. This dragged a bit in the middle, but it accomplished three goals: Roberts got to knock Lawler out cold, Mero got to pin HHH to continue their feud, and Rocky got to debut strongly. The problem is the rest of the match wasn’t much to see. Maivia winning over guys like Crush and Goldust is a good thing because it’s unrealistic to have him beat the IC Champion and beating Lawler doesn’t mean anything because Lawler is a career jobber in the WWF. Crush is a big imposing guy who is also a jobber, but at least he looks intimidating. Goldust has credentials too and a loss isn’t going to hurt him. Smart booking.

Jerry would show up in ECW to attack the promotion, setting up a match at Hardcore Heaven 1997.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Jerry Lawler

The story here is obvious: it’s ECW vs. the WWF and Lawler attacked Dreamer a few months back with the help of Rob Van Dam to set this up. Dreamer comes in with something metal to block Lawler’s right hands before knocking him to the floor with a shot to the head. Tommy throws a fan’s drink in Lawler’s face and crotches him on the post. Jerry is already busted open. There’s a hamburger and metal sign to the face as Dreamer is in full control.

They fight into the crowd and a beer to the head knocks Lawler back a few steps. He’s whipped into the barricade and punched with a popcorn bucket. Tommy chokes with a belt and they head inside, only to have Dreamer get crotched while trying to get a chair to the top rope. Lawler throws him off the top and face first into the chair before hammering him outside with right hands. Dreamer gets crotched on the barricade as well before Lawler finds the belt that choked him earlier.

Some shots to the head set up some whips to the back before Lawler looks at another burger. Back in and Lawler hits his finisher piledriver but it only gets two. The fans barely respond as they know it’s not ending that fast. Jerry rips the ECW shirt off Dreamer’s back and wipes himself with it to continue driving the fans insane. Tommy shrugs off a bunch of right hands and swears a lot before hammering away at Lawler. He takes too long posing and shouting ECW though, allowing Jerry to nail a low blow.

More low blows keep Dreamer down and Lawler DDTs the referee for no apparent reason. He tries to crotch Dreamer on the post but gets pulled face first into the steel for his efforts. The lights go out and come back on to reveal Rick Rude blasting Dreamer in the head with a trashcan. Now Dreamer is busted open as well but still kicks out at two. Now the fans are getting into the near falls.

Lawler talks more trash to the fans but Dreamer loads up a piledriver, only for the lights to go out again. They come back to reveal Jake Roberts who lays out Dreamer. Jerry and Jake have never quite gotten along so Lawler hides in the corner. The DDT (Jake’s signature move) knocks Dreamer silly and Jake rants about God for a bit. Lawler offers a handshake but gets clotheslined as well. The referee wakes up and counts two on Dreamer, earning some applause from Jake as he leaves.

Jerry hammers away even more but gets caught in the DDT. Before Dreamer can drop him though, the lights go out a third time. Why he can’t DDT Jerry with no lights is beyond me. The lights come back up to reveal Sunny (Former ECW girl, current WWF girl and Candido’s real life girlfriend) who blinds Dreamer with hairspray. Beaulah and Sunny get in a fight, allowing Dreamer to hit Lawler low a few times and hook the DDT for a pin.

Rating: D+. WAY overbooked here with too many run-ins, especially ones like Roberts that didn’t mean much. The moment at the end with ECW triumphing over the WWF, was a nice moment for the fans but it took a lot of mess to get there. This needed to be about half as long and minus at least one run-in, but it’s not completely terrible as the emotion and payoff were both there.

We’ll skip ahead a few years as Lawler is basically retired from active wrestling. He would however come out of retirememnt on occasion, including this match at Summerslam 2000.

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Tazz comes out with a cowboy hat and a blind man’s cane to really rub in the idea. He takes too long though as Lawler jumps him with a right hand to get us going. They head inside and a dropkick puts Tazz down and follows up with a bunch of right hands to the head. There’s the middle rope punch but a second attempt only hits mat.

Tazz hits some forearms to the back as JR calls him a jackass. Lawler is whipped to the floor so Tazz can talk trash to JR. Back in and Tazz hits what might have been a low blow and goes up for a swanton bomb of all things but Lawler moves. The piledriver connects but Tazz no sells it and the referee is bumped. There’s the Tazzmission on Lawler but JR gets up and smashes the candy jar over Tazz’s head to give Lawler the pin.

Rating: D. What do you expect here? It’s a nothing match which had no business on Summerslam but that’s par for the course a lot of the time. Lawler is harmless enough and at least the win wasn’t clean. Tazz came in so hot but has done almost nothing of note since his debut at the Rumble.

And this one at No Way Out 2001 as Jerry didn’t like censorship.

Jerry Lawler vs. Steven Richards

Tazz does commentary in Lawler’s place. He’s still a wrestler so this is a new thing for him. He’s a bit like his normal commentating self but not all the way yet. Lawler makes a full entrance despite being at the commentary desk not 2 minutes ago. We see a clip of the RTC stopping the (XFL’s) Las Vegas Outlaws cheerleaders last night. RTC was a parody of the Parents Television Council who got on Vince every 9 seconds for something he did.

This is the walking definition of a catch your breath match as the fans need something worthless to bridge the gap from the war they just saw to the last two matches. Lawler expands his offense from just punches by adding in rapid fire punches. This is why it’s great to have someone like Lawler around: you can throw him in there for something like this and you know he’s going to at least be passable, especially since he only wrestles like twice a year so his expectations are very low.

Kat and Ivory go at it for a bit but the distraction allows Richards to take over. Richards misses a splash in the corner and Lawler takes over for a bit. Apparently if he wins Kat gets to lose her clothes. Ivory comes in and Teddy Long takes FOREVER to get rid of her. Kat tries to hit Richards with Ivory’s belt but she nails Lawler by mistake for the pin. Kat has to join RTC now, but she was released in like two weeks, resulting in Lawler quitting. They were married at the time.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak but at the same time it was about as good as it was going to get. It was on the level of a pretty bad TV match but like I said this was designed to just fill in about 10 minutes so that the fans could breathe a bit. Nothing special at all but it did its job I guess.

Lawler and JR would lose their commentary jobs due to losing a match at Unforgiven 2003. Here’s a chance for them to get their jobs back on Raw, September 15, 2003.

Al Snow vs. Jerry Lawler

Coach and JR are on commentary here as Lawler controls with some very basic stuff. They slug it out and King hits a DDT for two. Snow comes back with a slam but a suplex is countered into a small package for the pin. This was the last match of the show people. This is the main event. Let that sink in.

We’ll jump way ahead again for a match from August 6, 2007 on Raw for the right to be called the King. This is a warmup for Booker before he faces the King of Kings at Summerslam 2007.

King Booker vs. Jerry Lawler

Booker doesn’t think much of Jerry until Lawler gets in a left hand. Some right hands have Booker in trouble but he pokes Jerry in the eye to take over. A back elbow to the jaw puts Lawler down and a hook kick gets two. The ax kick misses and Lawler hammers away before dropping an elbow for three but Booker’s foot was on the ropes. The breather allows Booker to nail a superkick. He hammers away in the corner and that’s a DQ win for Lawler.

Rating: D. Not much to see here but Lawler knew how to work a crowd even at this point. You couldn’t have Booker lose of course and he would get to pin Lawler the next week. This is the beauty of a guy like Lawler: he can do this stuff and isn’t going to lose a thing. There wasn’t anything to the match but there didn’t need to be.

We’ll jump ahead to 2010 for a match that really doesn’t need much explanation: Jerry Lawler vs. Jason Voorhees.

Ok maybe this does need an explanation, because yes, it’s THAT Jason Voorhees. This took place on Jerry’s very low level TV show in Memphis where the top heel was Tom Savini. Again, yes THAT Tom Savini. He claimed that Lawler murdered Andy Kaufman 25 years earlier, so he’s sending his movie creations to get revenge. The show didn’t last long if that wasn’t clear.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jason Voorhees

This is in TOM SAVINI’S MONSTERVISION, meaning there are Jason masks on the side of the screen and the video twitches a lot. Jason is led to the ring in chains and is carrying a machete. Some fat guy on commentary says Lawler killed Kaufman by giving him brain cancer via the piledriver.

Lawler can’t hurt Jason’s face so he hammers away at the ribs, only to be sent out to the floor. Jason chokes with a chain so Jerry grabs the machete. That goes nowhere of course so Jason sends Jerry into the post. Back in and Jason hammers away but gets hit low. Jerry rips the mask off and reveals an ugly guy. Jason’s manager Hollywood Jimmy Blaylock comes in with his cane for a DQ.

Rating: A+. This doesn’t require an explanation.

Back to the WWE, where Lawler got a WWE Title shot against Miz in a TLC match on Raw, November 29, 2010.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler

Read that title. At the beginning of the year would you EVER expect this to be a TLC match and the main event of Raw? Riley still has the briefcase. They do a feeling out process to start with Lawler doing his basic stuff. First weapon brought in is a C which is cracked over Lawler’s back. Miz sets up some chairs in the and is almost suplexed onto them. Miz drops Lawler onto his knee and then hits a neckbreaker to put the King down.

Riley gets a ladder but Lawler manages to get a chair and wear Miz out for it. He goes to get his own ladder but has to drill Riley first. Lawler slams the top of the ladder into Miz’s chin and is in control. And scratch that as he misses with a ladder shot and Miz takes over again. Riley takes Lawler down but gets put down and through a table. Miz was dropped on a ladder so he’s still hurt a bit.

Lawler does the slow climb but here’s Miz with the save. Big boot (from Miz? Really?) takes the King down though. Punk: “CLIMB UP THE LADDER! Are you stupid?” Miz destroys him for a bit but gets caught on top while he’s holding a chair. Lawler sets for a superplex but the ladder is in the way. Instead he drills Miz and puts him through a table but Lawler is down.

Cole jumps out of his chair and tries to help Miz up. Lawler is all alone but climbs like a 62 year old man. He’s only 61 if you’re wondering. He starts the climb and COLE MAKES THE SAVE! Lawler finally drills Cole and hammers away at him but Miz climbs up as he hammers his partner. Lawler goes up and Miz is in trouble! Come on Jerry you’ve had enough titles you should know how to unlatch one. Miz is reeling! But he manages to hit Lawler with the belt and climb down to retain at approximately 13:00. A brief celebration ends the show.

Rating: C+. Considering the challenger was a 61 year old that wrestles about three times a year and Michael Cole was the only thing that made the save, this was more or less a miracle. I cracked up at Cole making the save. This was better than I expected and it came off pretty well. No one really bought Lawler having a legit chance so this worked fine, all things considered.

Here’s the rematch from Elimination Chamber 2011.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler

Wow I never thought I’d type that. We even get big match intros. Jerry in white and black with a cape here. That’s rather awesome. The bell rings twice so technically this isn’t happening. Jerry gets a quick backslide and small package for two each. He unleashes his variety of punches as it’s all Lawler so far. Miz gets knocked to the floor and chills for a bit. Riley distracts Jerry though and Miz sends him into the post to shift momentum.

Miz can’t get Lawler in the ring for some reason. He settles for a running knee while Lawler is on the apron for two. Jerry gets a punch and the fans wake up. Running clothesline in the corner and down goes Lawler. Miz goes up and Jerry crotches him so they slug it out on the middle rope. Superplex puts Miz down for two. Riley’s reactions out there are hilarious.

They slug it out again and Jerry gets a pair of dropkicks for no cover. Backdrop and a falling punch get two as Miz is in trouble. We get something close to Cole being civil by saying Lawler is hanging in there. Riley interferes by tripping Lawler and is ejected. I know it’s a long shot and more or less an impossibility but the stars are seeming to align for Jerry to pull this off. Miz misses a charge in the corner and Lawler rolls him up for two.

Miz escapes the Piledriver and gets a big boot for two. Jerry reverses the pin into a rollup for two and then Miz is sent to the floor over the top. Cole is annoying as all goodness here as Jerry rams Miz into the announce table. Cole says he and Miz have a personal relationship which you can make your own jokes about. Jerry throws Miz at the commentators and Miz lands on Cole. Booker cracking up at that is great.

Lawler is in control here and goes up top as we’re back in the ring. Top rope punch to a standing Miz gets a very close two. Crowd is INTO this. Miz gets a thumb to the eye but can’t get the Finale as Lawler shoves him off. Jerry gets a DDT and Miz is reeling! He looks at the Mania sign and goes up for the middle rope punch. With a point to the sign and the strap coming down, Jerry gets the fist but Miz gets his foot on the ropes. My heart jumped into my throat there.

As Booker talks about Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog for no apparent reason the Piledriver is reversed into a rollup by Miz for two. Jerry reverses that into one of his own for two but Miz gets a kick to the head. And there’s the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin. It was a nice dream while it lasted but at the end of the day I think we all knew this was coming. Still though, INCREDIBLE job here by WWE of making us think it could happen.

Rating: B-. The match was weak from a technical standpoint but they NAILED the drama here. Jerry is a master at working the crowd and he had me believing that it was possible. He made us believe that he could actually do this and put on a passable match at the same time. I really hope this results in Jerry vs. Cole or Riley at Mania, but still this was a great performance and the whole thing worked.

Cole celebrates like crazy and poses with Miz in the ring. Jerry gets up and is like well I tried. He gets a standing ovation and they play his music to take him out. Cole of course WILL NOT SHUT UP and let Lawler have his moment. If this doesn’t end with Jerry piledriving Cole through the floor then it fails. Still though, great moment and incredible storytelling by WWE there.

For reasons that continue to elude me, Lawler would lose the showdown with Cole at Wrestlemania. Here’s his next chance at Over the Limit 2011 in a Kiss My Foot match.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Remember that Cole has promised some kind of surprise all night. Cole comes out in a suit and limping. You can tell it’s officially an injury because he has a doctor’s note. Or maybe he’s reading his lines. Apparently it’s because of infected athlete’s foot. If Cole’s foot goes into Lawler’s mouth Lawler might contract foot and mouth disease. He gives the note to the referee and the referee rips it up. RING THE BELL!

Lawler drills him into the corner and pounds away and there go Cole’s pants. SOLID right hand and a dropkick send Cole to the floor. Josh says vintage. Cole manages to send him into the steps a few times and Cole takes the shoe off. This ticks Jerry off and LAWLER THROWS HIM THROUGH THE COLE MINE!!!!! Lawler celebrates the thing exploding which is a legit funny moment. Middle rope punch brings the strap down and WE ARE DONE! That made me smile. No rating as it was total domination but still, awesome moment as Jerry destroyed him.

Jerry starts unzipping his boot but has an idea. He waves someone out and here comes Eve. She drills him with a moonsault as this is turning into exactly what it should have been. Lawler still isn’t done as he waves out JR! Appropriately enough JR has barbecue sauce. He pours it into Cole’s mouth until it overflows and all over his face. This is great. Cole gets to the floor and tries to leave and says that he’s not a loser. It’s Lawler and all the people that are losers. He’s not going to kiss his……..BRET HART IS HERE!!!!!

THIS is what I mean when I say they need to give old school fans something special. And before you ask, remember that it was Bret and Lawler in the first kiss my foot match. Sharpshooter goes on the pencils that Cole calls legs and it’s time to kiss the feet, complete with barbecue sauce. Cole is left totally destroyed and Bret’s music plays us out. PERFECT ending to this segment as Cole is completely and utterly destroyed.

Where do you want me to start? It’s Jerry Lawler, the guy who has been around FOREVER and has won something like 200 titles in his career. He had a remarkable career but is also known as one of the voices of Raw. Jerry is one of the most entertaining wrestlers of all time, even though he had fewer moves than a John Cena stereotype. He could work a crowd like no one else and would be a GREAT psychology teacher to young wrestlers. Watch his Memphis stuff if you want to see how to get people to hate you in about fifteen seconds.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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WRESTLER! OF THE! DAY! It’s Rob Van Dam.

 

Van Dam got started around 1990 and had some interesting matches and opponents before he got famous. We’ll start with a match in the USWA on July 6, 1991.

Rob Zakowski vs. Samu

Rob looks like Shane Douglas here in regular trunks with long hair. That’s not the Samu you’re thinking of either. Instead of a fat Samoan, it’s a homicidal, genocidal death defying guy from Michigan better known as Sabu. Rob hits a quick dropkick and an armdrag into the ropes. Back in and another dropkick puts Samu down and a suplex gets two. Samu comes back with a knee to the chest and a front chancery to slow things down. Rob comes back with a backslide for two and some rapid fire kicks to the chest drop Samu. He goes up top but Samu’s partner (Judge Dredd) shoves him down, allowing Samu to get an easy pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but Rob was brand new and still trying to figure out his way around the ring. He would get much better very soon when he found a style that worked for him and could incorporate more high flying into his offense. Sabu was pretty much his usual self here minus the tables.

Another match in WCW would be against a man named Scotty Flamingo on February 13, 1993. Flamingo is more famous as another bird: Raven.

Scotty Flamingo vs. Robbie V

Rob has most of his signature look down now. Scotty grabs a headlock to start but Rob comes back with a spinning kick to the face. A headlock takes Flamingo to the mat before Rob jumps to the top rope (in the middle of the ring instead of the corner) and comes off with a spinning cross body. Flamingo takes him back down and stomps away, followed by a dropkick for two. We hit the chinlock on Rob but he’s quickly on his feet with another spinning kick. A powerslam sets up the split legged moonsault for the pin on Flamingo and a big upset.

Soon after this, Rob would be part of a TV Title tournament. I’m not sure when this was but the tournament was over before April.

TV Title Tournament Second Round: Vinnie Vegas vs. Robby V

Vegas is more famous as Diesel. He shoves Robby around to start but Rob immediately nips up. A hard slam puts V down again and some kicks to the ribs have him in even more trouble. Vegas throws him to the floor with ease but V comes back with a nice series of kicks and a cross body for two. Vinnie calmly chokes him down for two but V fights back with more kicks and a right hand. More choking has V in trouble so he fires off even more kicks for another comeback. Vegas gets tired of all these kicks and ends Robby with Snake Eyes for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this WAY more than I thought I would. There was a nice chemistry going here with Van Dam’s kicks working really well against a monster like Vegas. This is a match I’d like to see again once they have more experience and know what they’re doing better than they did here as it could be very entertaining.

A few years in Japan went by and it was time for Rob to go where he would shine the brightest: ECW. Here’s his debut match from January 5, 1996.

Axl Rotten vs. Rob Van Dam

They circle each other to start and Axl gives him a nice round of applause. More circling ensues and a lockup goes nowhere at all. Rotten gives in to temptation and makes it a brawl like you knew he would but Rob comes back with a springboard cross body for two and it’s another standoff. The shoulders in the corner give Van Dam control and a rolling chop to the ribs gets two. Rotten grabs something like a t-bone suplex but misses a top rope elbow. Van Dam kicks him in the face and what would become the Five Star gets two. A standing moonsault gets the same and the split legged moonsault is enough to pin Axl.

Rating: D+. This was a bit better than I was expecting but at the same time Rotten just wasn’t very good. He was there because he could brawl but he wasn’t much of a technical master. As Jim Cornette put it, “And then you have the Rottens and oh boy were they.” Van Dam had a style that was going to get over with ECW and it worked in time.

Van Dam would hook up with Sabu and get a Tag Team Title shot at Cyberslam 1997.

Tag Titles: Eliminators vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

Eliminators are Perry Saturn and John Kronus who you shouldn’t know. This is a ladders/tables match which means they’re legal. You win by pinfall or submission and the Eliminators have the titles. Saturn talks about how awesome ECW is and how they’re going to Raw on Monday, which is true. This is on a Saturday (I think) and the ECW Invasion (not the Alliance one but a one night one) happened on Raw while the WWF guys were on a European tour.

This is a rematch apparently but Joey doesn’t tell us when the original match was from. The losers have to shake the hands of the winners. Van Dam and Sabu are heels here. Apparently the challengers have almost won the titles from this team before so this is an established feud. Saturn vs. Van Dam to start us off here. They hit the mat to start as there are tags here to make it seem like this is a regular match with rules for awhile.

They slug it out for a bit and a dropkick gets two for Van Dam. Sabu comes in but there was no tag so it doesn’t count. Off to Kronus who was good but not great. He gets Sabu now so this should be a bit faster paced. Saturn gets a modified Rock Bottom for two and Sabu works on the knee a bit. Half crab goes on so Saturn kicks Sabu in the head. I love using that as a counter. It’s so basic. Got a problem? KICK HIM IN THE FACE!

Sabu and Van Dam do some stuff that the Guns would later do in TNA but would do it a bit better and faster. A forearm by Kronus takes him and RVD out to the floor. Saturn and Van Dam fight for a ladder so the partners kick both of them, sending everyone to the floor. Kronus dives on RVD while Sabu and Saturn go into the crowd. Now the other pairing goes to the outside also as it’s a total brawl.

Saturn and Sabu are up by the….well by everything really as there was a lot put in one small area at these shows. Sabu gets a chair shot to Saturn back in the ring and the Triple Jump Moonsault hits Saturn as well. It’s ladder time and Van Dam hits a moonsault off the second rung of it, as in the second from the ground as the ladder was laid at an angle against the rope.

To the shock of no one, everything breaks down even though we’re still sticking with the corners. Nice to see them pretend that this has rules for awhile. Kronus hits a handspring elbow into the corner into Van Dam into the ladder. A ladder shot misses the challengers so they botch another attempt at it as the Eliminators keep control. This is threatening to get very sloppy rather quickly.

Kronus THROWS the ladder at Van Dam and it smacks him in the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Another ladder comes in so Van Dam puts Saturn in the surfboard. You know, because that’s what you want to see in a tables and ladders match right? Submission wrestling! Arabian Facebuster with the ladder gets two on Saturn. Saturn avoids a double clothesline (read as he runs through it) and hits one of his own but no tag.

Slingshot leg drop gets no count for Sabu and it’s off to Kronus. Double kick to Sabu as the tagging has finally died off. Total mess now with nothing at all as far as coherence. Sabu gets a big dive off the top rope into the front row to half kill Saturn. Van Dam adds a moonsault press off the guardrail to Kronus as Sabu and Saturn are back in the ring now.

Saturn hits a splash from the top of the ladder to Van Dam for no cover as Sabu is fighting again. Kronus and Sabu go to the floor as ladders are set up in the ring. With Saturn put on the ladder which is draped on the middle rope, RVD tries the split legged moonsault and botches it worse than Morrison ever dreamed of. Sabu hits the leg lariat to both guys including one that would be called Poetry in Motion when the Hardys used it later. The challengers get rammed together and a pair of Total Eliminations (Saturn with a leg sweep, Kronus with a spin kick to the face) to RVD ends this. Total mess in the second half.

Rating: D+. This got twenty minutes. Let that sink in a bit. They gave Sabu and Kronus twenty minutes. This was decent but the botches and the constant changing of the tag requirements (every company does this. Either have them or don’t) and the length it really got dragged down. The Eliminators had FAR better matches but this wasn’t one of them. Too long and way too sloppy.

One of Van Dam’s most interesting angles was thinking about jumping to the WWF as Mr. Monday Night when the companies were co-promoting. He would appear on Raw on May 12, 1997 against someone we’ll see more of later.

Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Most people don’t know who Van Dam is here but even fewer know who Hardy is. Jeff is also billed from Virginia which seems to confuse the Fink. Before the match Jerry Lawler introduces Van Dam as being from ECW and how awful it is, save for Van Dam. Rob doesn’t like ECW either and wants to be in the WWF.

Jeff would be 19 here and we get an ECW chant to get things going. A monkey flip puts Hardy down and a bad looking lifting Pedigree plants him. Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to the face to knock Hardy to the floor, setting up a nice flip dive. Back in and a spinning leg drop draws a YOU SOLD OUT chant. The Five Star connects but Rob doesn’t cover. Instead he hits the split legged moonsault for an easy pin on Hardy. Total squash and Rob looked very flashy. Jeff’s selling was solid as well.

After being a decent but not great guy in ECW, Van Dam would start picking up gold when he and Sabu won the ECW Tag Team Titles in 1998. Here’s their defense in a match I just don’t get at what is considered ECW’s best show ever, Heat Wave 1998.

Tag Titles: Hayabusa/Shinzaki vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

This is considered one of the gold standards of ECW so let’s see if it’s as good as I’ve been told that it is. The fans are into the Walk theme music for RVD and that’s an understatement. Van Dam is also the TV Champion. It’s amazing that he held it more or less until the company ended minus six months. The announcer butchers Shinzaki’s name to an extent that even I roll my eyes at it.

They say Sabu is from Bombay, Michigan and that never gets old. There’s no storyline here as they’ve just brought the guys in for a one off match. Ok then. Hayabusa and Van Dam start us off. We get a stall for a good while before we actually start. It’s an old Memphis tactic that I’ve always hated. They do a sloppy rollup/leg lock spot. Not a great starting point.

We get a you f’d up chant off blown spot number two. We’re MAYBE two minutes into this by the way. Off a kick to the face (think Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise) Hayabusa misses Rob’s head by about 6 inches yet Van Dam sells it anyway. There’s been WAY too much walking around and doing nothing here. In what’s likely Shinzaki’s biggest move, he does a praying rope walk around the top rope like Taker but he goes around a corner.

Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Van Dam is just holding onto him walking for about 8 seconds and has a free arm and two free feet, and we’re supposed to believe he’s just going to go quietly? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? When Taker does it it’s about 2 seconds on the ropes and nothing more. Not only is this sloppy, but it’s not making much sense.

And Sabu hasn’t even been in until now. He comes in for a cover. That makes sense. Nothing says high impact and cool looking offense like a chinlock! I think Hayabusa stole his attire from Hannibal from WCW/NWO Revenge. SUE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

Sabu shows some intelligence as he dropkicks the knee and then WORKS ON THE LEG! I’m stunned actually. After a LONG time of mat work etc we get to the high flying stuff that this is supposed to be about. Hayabusa is moving out there. We’re in the crowd now in case you were wondering. We’re out of the crowd now in case you were wondering.

Shinzaki and Sabu are in the ring while the other two are down on the floor. Van Dam puts Shinzaki in a bow and arrow so Sabu can hit him in the ribs with a chair. Again, WHY DO YOU NEED THE CHAIR??? The match was just starting to get good and we bring in a pointless chair because Sabu can’t work more than 5 minutes without a weapon. If you want to know what drives me the craziest about ECW, it’s THAT.

Sabu goes out, the chairs are taken out, and the match is instantly going up in value. Hayabusa going insane off the ropes is fun to watch. Why do we need chairs and weapons? Sabu hits a decent jumping hurricanrana. That wasn’t bad at all. See, if he tries, he could do some decent NON WEAPON RELATED stuff. Shinzaki hits what we would call a Pele kick on Van Dam. Hayabusa hits a 450 splash and this isn’t terrible.

Sabu hooks a Boston Crab so Van Dam can go up for a leg drop. It turns out to be an leg drop on his head but whatever. This has lost anything resembling flow or actual tag wrestling and is just a mess anymore. If that’s the case, what was the point of the tagging thing earlier? We have a table and I more or less give up now. Shinzaki hits a WEIRD looking leg twist on Van Dam. It was cool looking if nothing else.

More chair use as Van Dam jumped from one side of the ring to another for kind of a Van Daminator. Sabu hurts his hand doing something. They break the table. Not break through it but just break it. So we get two more! Oh and a chair which is slammed over Hayabusa’s head. A Van Daminator takes down Shinzaki.

In the big spot of the match, both Japanese guys are on one table and the champions go up top and crash through both guys. That ends it. Seriously? It should be noted that in every replay, the champions use weapons and the challengers never do. That should tell you a few things.

Rating: D+. The first half of this was pretty good. It wasn’t great at all but I didn’t expect it to be. After about ten minutes though it’s your standard ECW tag match: weapons, ridiculous spots with zero transitions, and a complete lack of anything resembling tagging. Also, the first half is made to look pointless as they tagged then but they don’t in the second half. BE CONSISTENT BLAST IT! It’s watchable I guess, but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about a day or so. This is the best tag match ECW ever had? That explains a lot.

Rob would pick up the TV Title around this time and hold if for 700 days. Here’s a title defense from Guilty As Charged 1999.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

Dawn Marie isn’t human. She can’t be. Storm gets in a great line: he’s not the whole F’ing show but he’s the best part of it. Now Paul make sure you pay attention to the reaction that Van Dam gets, because you won’t be hearing anything like it in the main event. We get a LONG feeling out process that actually isn’t boring at all. I’ve always liked the way Storm threw punches for some reason. Storm gets the half crab which doesn’t mean anything yet.

Fonzie and Dawn (Tammy Lynn Bytch at the time but not a lot of people would get that name) go at it on the floor which lets Van Dam take over. SWEET superkick by Storm. Has to be the second best guy at that ever. We’re in the crowd now and in probably one of the five sickest bumps I’ve ever seen, Van Dam gets a reverse DDT onto the floor. No protection at all and he just slams into it.

Storm is WAY underrated in the ring. This has been solid stuff so far, but I’d like more in ring stuff. Storm is a Canadian bad boy apparently. Van Dam more or less cuts a promo in the middle of the match. That’s just awesome. Ah there we go. We’re back in the ring. I don’t mind the insane stuff as long as it winds up being about wrestling. Van Dam goes for the Van Daminator (why can’t he go for coffee or lunch instead?) but Storm jumps away. WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!!!

It connects the second time and Storm is out cold. Oh ok he was faking. The referee takes a SWEET looking Van Daminator. After Fonzie interferes, a Van Daminator from the top gets two. The quick taunts from Van Dam are what set him apart I think. Like I’ve said before, the playing to the crowd is a signature of the all time greats like Austin, Rock, Sting, Hogan and Flair. In a very surprising finish, we get a wrestling sequence and Van Dam gets the CLEAN pin with a nice German suplex. I greatly approve.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but the overbooking and interference hurt it a bit. This was one of those matches where both guys could definitely bring it and they did here. The ending worked very well too as Van Dam beat him with his own game. What more can you ask for? Solid stuff.

Van Dam’s biggest rival in ECW was Jerry Lynn, who challenged him for the TV Title on several occasions. Here’s one such match from Hardcore Heaven 1999.

TV Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam

Crowd is WAY behind Van Dam here. No time limit here after what happened at Living Dangerously. Hear those cheers Paul? They’re the ones drowning out the music. I think they’re chanting “Heyman push this freaking man you freaking idiot!” Lynn is another guy I like more every time I see him so this should be solid. They do a decent mat wrestling sequence to start but not as good as last time.

NICE there as Lynn goes for a counter he used at Living Dangerously and RVD gets out of the way of it this time. THAT is psychology people. They’re doing a start and stop thing here where they do a sequence and then walk around for awhile. The action is good but it’s like pausing it and watching a match in pieces which isn’t good. Good night wrestle already! Yeah they’re wrestling, but only in pieces.

We’ve had maybe 2 and a half minutes of action out of five minutes gone by. Sweet springboard dropkick from Lynn. See what I mean by when they actually do stuff it’s good? Fonzie is yelling about how this is what the 19.95 the fans paid for is all about. Creative line if nothing else. Van Daminator misses. And Lynn might be hurt so we can kill more time.

Something tells me this had about 20 minutes planned rather than the 27 it wound up getting due to the amount of stalling here. Lynn does the corner rollup that Booker T used for a long time. I think this is the match that aired on the debut of ECW on TNN. On the floor we get a Van Daminator with Lynn making sure to hold the chair up so it hits. Hey look: more stalling!

Did Larry Zbyszko book this or something? Half of this has been on the floor too. Lynn hits a sunset powerbomb through a table which more or less explodes. Ok stalling after big spots at least makes sense. Fonzie has a chair pelted at him and down he goes. They botch the heck out of something and the fans let them know about it.

Lynn hits a Van Daminator for two. Van Dam hits Starship Pain minus the twisting. There’s your five star but Lynn rolls him up for two. Van Dam hits his third Van Daminator out of about 7 tried. Another Five Star ends it. Good but not great. They high five after the match which is always a good sign.

Rating: B. This is a good match, but not a classic like everyone says it is. There are some major holes in it, with the main one being the standing around. The Van Daminators got OLD fast. We get it. You can kick someone holding a chair. We’ll ignore how stupid the move is (hey he handed me a chair. I wonder what I should do with it.) for now. The drama is there but it’s not epic. Solid though. Just far too much brawling and stalling for my taste, but it’s entertaining which is the main idea. Would have been way better with five to seven less minutes. Good match, but there was no shock or anything like that to make it great.

Van Dam would break his ankle in early 2000 and have to forfeit the title because he was on the shelf for a few months. His first match back was against Jerry Lynn at Hardcore Heaven 2000.

Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

This is Van Dam’s return match and his BEST FRIEND Scotty Anton is at ringside. I’m sure nothing bad can happen there. DANG Van Dam is over, and yet he wouldn’t get the world title until he beat Cena in 2006. Brilliant Heyman, brilliant. Van Dam is so over it’s scary. Let’s get it on! I’ve always wanted to say that, so I said it out loud and then I typed it.

We start with a wrestling sequence and then we stall for a bit. We do another nice sequence with little contact being made but ending with a standoff and a standing ovation. The best part about it was that in their first match it ended with Lynn hitting a legdrop. In the second it ended with the legdrop missing a Van Dam kicking him. Here both of those missed and they continued the sequence.

That gets this match major points as that’s incredibly intricate thinking in there. Van Dam poses and stalls again so Lynn just pops him. I like that as we’re physical now. Where’s Olivia Newton-John when I need her? Now the fans like Jerry. Sure why not. Van Dam goes to some of his old favorites and Lynn is in trouble. Van Dam beats him down again and so he poses for a third time in about five minutes.

Apparently Lynn has been out for like five months or so also. This is one of if not his first matches back. In a strange moment, Fonzie just walks into the ring and puts a chair down before leaving. Lynn does what only Dreamer has done that I remember and counters the Van Daminator by just throwing the chair at Rob. That was awesome. Cyrus wants Fonzie to be flogged.

The spots here are pretty cool, but they’re just kind of preplanned. Of course they are, but they’re not supposed to look like they are. Ah ok Lynn has been back for about a month now. There have been a lot of counters and such in this and it’s been cool, but I’d like some more contact. Ah there we go as Lynn bulldogs Van Dam through the table. The problem was that he went through it at the same time so it hurt them both about equally.

Lynn hits a front flip onto Anton so we’re down to only three people being involved in the match. Fonzie interferes for the fourth time as it’s just stupid at this point. Van Daminator hits with Lynn sitting on the top rope. RVD hits the Five Star onto a chair onto Lynn and Cyrus leaves the broadcast place. Here are Corino and Victory as Lynn is a part of the Network…ok no he’s not. Rhyno Gores Lynn for no apparent reason. There’s a powerbomb for RVD.

Cyrus takes a Van Daminator, causing Joey to need new pants. Fonzie takes a chair shot to FINALLY make it 1-1. And of course Anton shoves Anton off the top. Let’s see: Corino, Victory, Fonzie, Anton, Cyrus, and Rhyno. Hey only six people interfered in this. Cradle Piledriver gets two but a Cradle Piledriver on the chair ends it. If this was a year ago, this would have changed ECW. Now it means nothing.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here, but GOOD FREAKING NIGHT DO YOU THINK THEY HAD ENOUGH RUN INS HERE??? Anton and Fonzie are the only two that mean a thing here or make enough sense. This is a much better match if you have only them running in but it’s still overbooked to heck and back.

The company would go out of business less than a year later with Van Dam sitting out the end due to not being paid other than one appearnace at their last PPV. Rob would show up the night the Alliance formed in the WWF before challenging Jeff Hardy for the Hardcore Title at InVasion.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Why all the TNA on TNA violence? RVD’s outfit is tiger print of all things tonight. He looks like Tony the Tiger in spandex. This should be fun. Hardy isn’t a huge deal yet but he’s in the midcard. Van Dam is WAY over. Crowd is red hot for this as it was more or less the second featured match on the card. Hardy goes for his run the rail spot and Van Dam makes the stop by jumping up on it to stop him. Nice.

Into the crowd now. This is totally sloppy and totally a mess but since it’s a hardcore match, it’s working rather well actually. The crowd is helping it a lot also. Van Dam takes a bow which is a very nice touch. With Van Dam on the apron, Hardy slingshots over the ropes into a powerbomb to the floor. Sweet looking spot and it’s ladder time. This had to happen. In another sick spot, Hardy is on the top of the ladder, and I mean the big one, and is pushed off and crashes to the floor.

This was what gave us the “How do you learn to fall off a 20ft ladder” soundbyte. In another, say it with me, sick spot, Van Dam is crouched but jumps into the air for a Van Daminator that looked GREAT. It knocked Hardy through the hole into the stage to the floor. We’ve reached the part where it’s just them beating the living crap out of each other and the fan are flat out eating it up.

The belt is in the ring as Hardy gets a nice German Suplex. Jeff is bleeding a bit. Swanton misses. With Jeff down, Van Dam puts the belt on Hardy’s chest and hits the 5 Star for the pin. Fun match.

Rating: B+. This is a great example of a match where you have to consider what was going on out there. This wasn’t meant to be a mat clinic or anything. This was about high impact, high intensity over the top spots and that’s what the fans got. This was fun as all goodness and the crowd loved it. Great match.

Van Dam would trade the title with Hardy and others for awhile, before getting it back for a defense against Undertaker on November 21, 2001.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and he fires off strikes in the corner to start. Taker comes back with right hands in the corner as well but Van Dam clotheslines him to the floor. Van Dam dives at Taker but gets caught and rammed into the post. They go up to the stage and Taker misses a boot so that his leg gets caught in part of the set. Van Dam climbs up said set and dives off with a cross body for a very delayed two.

Rob knocks Taker over to the edge of the stage but Taker knocks him back for the sake of avoiding death. Taker pounds away and slams Van Dam into the set again. The Last Ride is loaded up but Booker runs out to break it up. Booker and Van Dam pound Taker down and they head back inside. Taker fights back but Booker takes him down again. Booker goes up but gets crotched and superplexed. Van Dam comes in out of nowhere and hits the Five Star while Taker is down to retain.

Rating: D. This show is AWFUL. The matches have no thought or effort into them at all and it’s sucking the little life they had left out of the building. Weren’t Booker and Van Dam having issues recently? Well apparently they patched things up off camera because they’re fine now. Nothing to see here and it’s very clear that no one cared at all.

After losing the title to Undertaker in December, Van Dam would challenge William Regal for the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania 18.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Regal is defending and this is during his Power of the Punch period. Van Dam kicks him down to start before pounding away at the champion’s head. The fans are all behind RVD here as Regal quickly loads up the brass knuckles. RVD is ready for it though and kicks the knuckles away. A nice jumping kick to the face takes Regal down again but a quick Five Star attempt misses.

The champion takes it to the mat for a bit before a quick suplex gets two. Regal puts on a quick chinlock but Van Dam flips out of it, only to hit knees with Rolling Thunder. A nice butterfly powerbomb gets two for Regal but Rob rolls him up before the Regal Stretch can go on. Van Dam monkey flips Regal down but Regal blocks the stepover kick into a half nelson suplex. Nicely done. Rob rolls to the floor and Regal follows, where he finds the brass knuckles. The referee takes them away back inside, but Regal pulls out a second pair. Not that it matters though as RVD kicks him down and hits the Five Star to win the title.

Rating: B-. Nice opener here with some solid strikes from Van Dam and even nicer counters by Regal. It’s also a good feeling moment for the fans which should put them in a good mood for the rest of the show. That’s what a good opener is supposed to do and it worked fine here. That’s the first of Van Dam’s six IC Titles over his career.

Rob wouldn’t hold the title long and Chris Benoit would eventually get his hands on it, taking it over to Smackdown in the process. Van Dam wanted to bring it back to Raw and got a chance at Summerslam 2002.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending and a Smackdown guy in this brand vs. brand match. Van Dam hits some quick kicks to send Benoit to the outside but Benoit takes him down back inside. Van Dam spins away from a kick in the corner and hits a spinning cross body out of the corner for two. Benoit ducks another kick and hits a great release German suplex to take over. An elbow to the face gets two more for Benoit and it’s time to work on the back.

Benoit gets another near fall off a backbreaker and a snap suplex gets the same. Off to an armbar as Benoit wants the shoulder now. Rob gets some quick twos off rollups but Benoit runs him over with another elbow to the face. Benoit runs into a boot in the corner but the split legged moonsault hits knees. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls away from the Five Star as well.

Now the Crossface goes on for a good while but Van Dam makes the ropes. The challenger goes up but Benoit shoves him off the top and shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and Benoit hits a shoulder breaker (see that people? It’s called psychology. LEARN IT!) for two as the fans are distracted by something. Benoit wisely puts on a rest hold until their attention is back again.

They trade cross arm chokes with Benoit taking over again. Van Dam kicks his leg out but misses Rolling Thunder, allowing Benoit to put on the Crossface again. Rob elbows out but gets rolled up for two. Benoit goes back to the arm and sends him shoulder first into the post. A northern lights suplex onto the arm has Van Dam….looking confused and two more don’t really change that.

Back to the Crossface and Van Dam looks more annoyed than anything else. Rob (with his hair down for maybe the only time I ever remember) makes the rope and puts a Crossface on Benoit for a few seconds. A jumping kick to the face puts Benoit down for two and now Rolling Thunder connects.

Van Dam hits a shoulder to the ribs but injures the shoulder again (thanks for selling Rob). Not that it matters though as he kicks Benoit in the face for two. Rob gets crotched on the top but counters a belly to back superplex into a cross body to put both guys down. Van Dam pops up and hits the Five Star for the pin and the title. Extra points for Rob doing the finger point from the mat when he’s announced as the new champion.

Rating: B. This bad shoulder selling is getting on my nerves. Benoit had RVD in one of the best submissions ever three different times and Van Dam looked like he had a five year old child on his leg. The rest of the match however was very solid with Rob hanging in there with Benoit who was his usual awesome self.

Van Dam would eventually team up with Kane and win the Tag Team Titles. Kane would lose his mask to HHH and turn on Van Dam, setting up a feud. Here’s the blowoff match inside a cage from September 8, 2003 on Raw.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Kane was recently unmasked and therefore turned heel (granted it’s Kane so who knows why he turned) on his tag partner RVD, setting up this cage match. Instead of THIS taking place on PPV though, we got Shane McMahon vs. Kane because Kane electrocuted Shane’s testicles with jumper cables last week. Kane jumps Rob as soon as he gets in and immediately starts pounding away.

Van Dam gets sent into the cage but comes back with a kick and a flip attack out of the corner. Kane rams him right back into the cage again and crushes Van Dam’s head against the cage with a boot. A side slam puts Rob down for no cover so Kane rams him into the cage again. Van Dam tries a comeback but his stepover kick is countered into a powerslam for no cover again.

Kane loads up a powerbomb but Van Dam punches out of it. Not that it matters much though as Kane clotheslines him down and goes back up top. That goes badly for him as well though as Rob crotches him and crushes him against the cage with a cross body. Somewhere along the way Rob got cut over his eye. The jumping kick from the top rope puts Kane down again and Rolling Thunder hits for no cover. Rob tries to leave but has to kick Kane off the ropes.

Since Van Dam isn’t that bright at times, he tries the Five Star but only hits the mat. Kane loads him up in a powerbomb position but drops Van Dam face first into the cage. Van Dam gets thrown into the cage a few times and after pointing at himself, Kane loads him up for a third ram. Rob gets tossed….and the cage breaks, allowing him to fall to the floor for the win. Well that was unexpected.

Actually it’s so unexpected that before I can rate it, Bischoff comes out and says you have to go over the cage and not out of it to win, so we need to keep going. After a break Kane continues to pound away while talking trash. Apparently during the break Kane slammed the cage on Van Dam’s head to put him in this much trouble. Rob tries to climb and Kane just lets him so RVD kicks him in the face. Van Dam tries to climb up but Kane climbs onto the top rope with him and a kind of chokeslam off said top rope is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but at the end of the day, unless you’re a wrestling encyclopedia, you’re not likely going to have an idea why this match is happening. JR and King mentioned Kane’s rage, but I don’t think they mentioned the two of them even being partners until a few weeks ago. Also the match itself was pretty one sided for the most part and I’m not sure why it was in a cage in the first place.

We’re going to jump ahead again as 2004 was spent doing nothing in the midcard on Smackdown before a knee injury sidelined Van Dam for nearly all of 2005. He would come back to be on the ECW roster when the brand was relaunched in 2006. Rob would also win the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania 22, setting up the title match with John Cena at One Night Stand 2006.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

After an extended entrance from RVD, it’s time for the moment that this show is remembered for. Cena’s entrance is a sight to behold as you will never, ever see more heat on one guy no matter how long you live. There’s the famous “If Cena Wins We Riot” sign but the thing here is: they really will riot.

The start of the song gets just booing but when he steps through the curtain it’s on. You see nothing but middle fingers as he comes down the aisle and Cena holds the title up like a boxer would and just soaks it in. The big match intros make it even worse. They throw his hat and shirt back, which says a lot actually. Then they do it again. Make it three times. Would you believe four? The thing to remember: there are only 2,500 people here. Watch this match and you would seriously think it was a 15,000 seat arena. It’s that bad.

There’s the bell and Cena is shaken up. There’s the FU already. The chant to Cena, not the move. Toilet paper comes in and this is insane. They lock it up a few times and Cena shoves him into the corner as the fans say you can’t wrestle. This is Extreme Rules which I forgot to mention. Perfectplex gets two. Every single move Cena makes is being booed even louder and it seems to be legit getting to him. Can’t say I blame him but it’s weird to see from Cena.

RVD kicks him to the floor and is nothing less than divine here. They butt heads in the ring and slug it out. Powerslam gets two for the champ and a clothesline sends him to the floor. The fans chant “same old stuff” but in a bit more colorful way. Cena goes up top and drops a forearm from the top and sends Van Dam into the table. Now the fans think he’s overrated. RVD gets a moonsault press off the steps to take over out of nowhere.

Cena reverses an Irish Whip and down goes the cameraman. Out into the crowd which I give Cena legit credit for doing as I’d be scared of being stabbed or something. Cena gets draped over the railing and Van Dam hits that spinning legdrop to take both guys down. Back to the ring now but Rob gets a baseball slide and a slingshot guillotine legdrop for no cover. Skateboard chair shot in the corner gets a close two.

Rolling Thunder lands on the chair but a delay in the cover means only two. Split legged moonsault (take notes Morrison) eats knees (take better notes) and Cena gets a DDT on the chair which no one sells like Van Dam. The fans remind him that he can’t wrestle. I wonder if Vince gave the guys a similar speech when they changed the company name. With a chair wedged between the ropes, Cena gets a slingshot to send RVD’s head into it for a close two.

Cena shows he has a massive set and does You Can’t See Me and the Five Knuckle Shuffle which is about as evil as you can get in ECW. FU is countered and a double leg spin kick takes Cena down. Cena cranks it up but a charge eats boot. The kick off the top is just ducked and Van Dam crashes. Crowd chants YOU STILL SUCK. RVD tries to sit Cena on the top rope (the rope itself, not the corner) but drops him to the floor. Dropkick sends Cena into the railing and it’s table time.

Table is set up in the corner by Van Dam but he turns around into the STFU. There’s a rope after a long crawl but does he really have to break it in an extreme rules match? The referee gets in Cena’s face so Cena drills him with a clothesline and crotches Rob on the top. Superplex but there’s no referee.

Cena brings in the steps and DRILLS Van Dam with them as I guess he’s a heel now as far as this match goes. A Smackdown referee comes in to count two and it’s FU time. RVD grabs the ropes so Cena sends him over the top instead. Out of NOWHERE a guy in a helmet and trenchcoat pops up to spear Cena through the table.

The helmet comes off and it’s Edge. Crowd: THANK YOU EDGE! THANK YOU EDGE! THANK YOU EDGE! This is the guy that tried to kill Tommy Dreamer earlier remember. Van Dam is like ok (Joey: Do it Rob, we’ll take it!”) and the Five Star hits as Heyman comes out to count the pin. This actually counted because Heyman was a WWE big shot or something like that. More or less he was the ECW GM.

Rating: B+. This is more for the crowd than the match for once. No question about it: this is required viewing to show what is meant by having the crowd make a match better than it should be. The people made RVD Cena’s equal and that was a big leap for him at this point. There was no other option for the ending, if nothing else for fear of the WWE guys’ safety. Good match, absolutely amazing visual.

We’re going to jump ahead nearly four years now. Van Dam would lose the title three weeks later due to getting caught with weed and be shunted down the card. He would stay on the ECW roster but lose the ECW Title on the 4th of July due to Heyman turning heel and screwing him out of the title.

After feuding with Heyman and then the New Breed for a few months, Van Dam would have a final feud with Randy Orton, culminating in Orton putting him out so Van Dam could tend to his very sick wife. Van Dam would tour Europe for a few years but we’ll skip over those as this is already going to be over twenty matches long. Rob would show up in TNA as a surprise in early 2010 and win the World Title in a surprise on April 29, 2010. Former champion AJ Styles would get a rematch at Sacrifice.

TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles

LOT of time for this. The show has just been lackluster so far so this could help it a lot. Apparently Larry Zbyszko has been training these two as we stall A LOT. Three minutes in and no actual contact yet. We have a headlock! We get an AJ sucks chant to FINALLY get him some heel heat. And now MORE talking and waiting around. Is wrestling illegal in TNA?

Finally we get some extended contact and it lasts all of 30 seconds. Flair gets thrown out and we make it about anything other than the match and wrestling for a few more minutes. The bell rang like 7 minutes ago and they MIGHT have had a minute of contact. Flair does commentary. AJ hits a nice over the top swanton dive. Nice one indeed. I think the issue here is no one believes AJ is going to win.

In a painful looking spot, RVD jumps to the top with his back to the ring and gets shoved off the ropes where he slams head first into the ramp. Flair implies sexual relations with Dixie. Not a bad idea if I do say so myself. Flair is talking about AJ the most which is what he’s supposed to do. Nicely done.

Flair talks about what it’s like in the mindset of being the world champion and says if he was somewhere and an NBA All-Star was there it didn’t matter because he was Ric Flair. True story: when the NBA was locked out back in like 98, my Dad and cousin were in Atlantic City where some NBA guys were having an exhibition there. My cousin saw Flair there.

Said he couldn’t have looked better and couldn’t have been nicer. I got an autograph out of it. Also said he was built like a tank. That’s not something that comes off well on TV but apparently he looks incredible in person. To be fair though, he’s usually next to some of the best conditioned people on the planet so he kind of blends in. This is your standard back and forth main event match and it’s working pretty well.

Can’t ask for much more than a back and forth world title match between two guys of this caliber. AJ busts out a torture rack of all things. Given Flair’s wars with Luger, that’s rather amusing. Also it should be noted that he used it after countering Rolling Thunder with a knee to the back. THAT is thinking in a match. Flair gets fed up when AJ keeps messing up and goes to the ring but here’s Jay Lethal for the stop.

We keep the camera on them for a minute or so as Lethal puts the Figure Four on Flair. There’s a minute and a half I’ll never get back. Tenay thinks we should focus on what’s in the ring. What a concept! AJ has a suplerplex reversed and takes the Five Star for RVD to retain.

Rating: B-. Not bad, but nothing great. It’s certainly decent and probably the best match of the night. This just lacked any sort of drama though and it didn’t work well at all to me. It was solid though and AJ performed well. Van Dam as champion is fine I guess, but I’m at a loss as to who he fights now. I mean seriously, WHO is there? Angle?

One of Van Dam’s first challengers was Abyss, who injured him on Impact with the spiked board called Janice. This caused Rob to be stripped of the title, setting up a Monster’s Ball rematch at Bound For Glory 2010.

We recap RVD vs. Abyss which is a bit early on the card I’d think for it. I can’t imagine this is where THEY are revealed. That’s just way too early for it I’d think but who knows? The idea here is RVD isn’t at 100% but he wants revenge no matter what.

Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss

Monster’s Ball here which means anything goes. And remember this is his last match EVER! He brings Janice and Bob, which are the names of Dixie Carter’s parents in what I’d assume is a rib, and puts them on the announce table. Abyss says RVD is done and THEY are coming. And remember this is once a century. You know, like EVERY OTHER DATE.

RVD of course kicks the heck out of him to start to a HUGE RVD chant. Van Dam is in a t-shirt here for some reason. There’s a barbed wire table at ringside. Total dominance so far by Van Dam who is on fire. He gets taken down by an elbow of all things. Given the shirt I’d bet on RVD going into barbed wire.

Chokeslam is countered and of course Abyss eats barbed wire. This would be more effective if we hadn’t seen it just three days ago with bigger stars. And of course he’s up again just a few seconds later, dodging a splash that send RVD into the wire. Abyss busts out a regular table as we talk about THEY.

Trash can to the head of Van Dam as Abyss tries to make a barbed wire platform between the railing and the ring. Oh never mind it’s just a regular table. Abyss winds up on it and RVD hits Rolling Thunder onto it. Cool spot. Too many dead spots here though as we hit a spot and then stop to look for more stuff to use in the next one.

RVD sets up Coast to Coast but gets shoved off and RVD winds up in barbed wire. Sick looking bump. The match more or less stops as the referee is thinking about stopping it. Instead we throw him back into the ring and Abyss gets…nothing. Ok then. Instead we get the Hogan ear taunt.

Van Dam comes back and sends him into the barbed wire board in the corner. Now it’s Abyss in trouble. RVD goes for the Five Star but Abyss moves and RVD has a tummy ache. And now It’s time for Janice. Well of course it is. RVD counters though and gets a pair of shots with Janice to the gut of Abyss and the Five Star. Abyss is bleeding from the mouth.

Rating: B-. Fun hardcore match with everyone beating the tar out of each other. Ok so maybe saying everyone for two people is a stretch but you get the concept. This worked fine for what it was with lots of weapons being used and all that jazz. They’re dragging this angle out for all it’s worth and more though so points for that….I think. Fun match.

Van Dam would spend the next few months feuding with Immortal before chasing the World Title for a bit. He entered the Bound For Glory Series and took the lead until Jerry Lynn cost him a match. This led to the two facing each other in a Full Metal Mayhem match at BFG 2011.

Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam

Technical stuff to start but they’ve probably got a lot of time. There are only 8 minutes on this card and I can’t imagine that Hogan vs. Sting will break ten minutes. Rob takes over early and tries Rolling Thunder but Lynn pops up with a kick to the face. Tornado DDT is countered but the suplex is as well. The psychology here is solid and we hit a stalemate. They try a cross body over the top and that doesn’t work right, drawing half boos/half silence from the crowd.

We’re on the floor now and Van Dam tries a moonsault off the apron but misses and might have hurt his knee. Lynn brings in a ladder but Rob sends him in and gets a chair. He takes too long though and Jerry hits a baseball slide to send it into the face of Van Dam. Van Dam gets a spinning cross body onto Lynn onto the chair for two. The surfboard dropkick with the chair in the corner gets no cover. Rob does however get a ladder so the crowd is pleased.

The fans chant ECW and the ladder is splashed with Lynn under it for two. The fans never stay silent for long in this city. It’s something I wish you could hear in more cities too. Rob does a springboard moonsault over Lynn which appeared to be intentional. No idea what the point of that was other than to have Lynn hit him with the chair to take over. Lynn misses a senton backsplash onto the ladder and Van Dam takes over again.

Van Daminator misses so Lynn pelts the chair at him. Lynn gets a German for tow and Lynn is down more from it than Rob is. Lynn gets suplexed onto a ladder which is a lot more effective, so I guess American > Germany. Lionsault onto the ladder gets two for Rob. Rob tries one of his rolling moves but Jerry jumps off the middle rope and they collide at the same time. Lynn goes to the floor to get another ladder and I have the same question as Tazz: how many ladders do you need?

The second ladder is put up against the railing and Lynn tries a sunset bomb, resulting in Rob’s head slamming into the railing. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Lynn has a big bump under his eye. Van Daminator gets two. Rob sets up the Van Terminator with a ladder over Lynn’s face and it’s enough for the pin at 13:16. So Lynn can get up from a Van Daminator after two seconds but he can’t move after about 30 seconds of sitting in the corner?

Rating: B. Good match but it’s going to be overrated because it’s Lynn vs. Van Dam. This was more about the weapons and the violence than the whole psychology which was the standard of their old matches. The fans were of course into it because these guys used to be huge in ECW like 10 years ago. It was entertaining though and that’s the point of these matches.

The next year was even more uneventful for RVD as he didn’t do much of note, save for a shot at the World Title Sacrifice. With less than a week before the biggest show of the year, Van Dam didn’t have a match. He was allowed to pick his opponent and decided to challenge for the X-Division Title at Bound For Glory 2012.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Zema Ion

Ion is defending. Rob came out on Impact when Ion was running his mouth and Van Dam said Hogan said he could have any match he wanted at this show. Zema has been injuring a lot of people lately. Rob takes over to start and knocks Ion to the floor but Ion moves before Rob can dive. Back in and Ion takes out Rob’s leg followed by a corkscrew kick out of the corner for two.

The champ goes up again and gets crotched, followed by a kick to take him down again. Out of nowhere Ion hits a jumping tornado DDT for two and then two more. Rob goes up but gets shoved into the barricade like he’s had done to him a few dozen times over the years. Ion hits a flip dive to keep Van Dam down while also barely avoiding breaking a rib on the barricade.

Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Ion. As usual with Ion, his in ring stuff isn’t bad but the promos and persona getting there don’t do him much good. Off to an abdominal stretch which is pretty quickly broken. Van Dam makes a very fast comeback, takes Ion down, hits Rolling Thunder and the Five Star and wins the title at 8:00.

Rating: C. I can’t complain about Van Dam winning the title at all as this gives the title some credibility that it hasn’t had in a new champion in awhile. Also this gives the fans something to pop for early on which is the right idea. The match itself was nothing you wouldn’t see on Impact, but the right ending helps.

The title reign wouldn’t be bad but didn’t really do much as he didn’t get to defend the belt all that often. Rob would come back to WWE over the summer of 2013 and be used as the veteran who could still make people look good. Here’s an attempt at that against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio at Night of Champions 2013.

World Heavyweight Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto is defending, Rob is the hometown boy (close enough) and Ricardo is here after being banned from ringside on Smackdown. Del Rio quickly takes him down but Rob comes right back with a kick to the face. A loud spinwheel kick in the corner has the champion staggered and a monkey flip gets two. Del Rio hits a dropkick of all things but misses a charge and falls to the floor. A slingshot moonsault puts Alberto down and Rob drapes him across the barricade for the spin kick to the back.

Del Rio blocks a suplex back in and brings Rob to the apron before knocking him out to the floor. The champion’s suicide dive takes Van Dam down and Del Rio sends him into the barricade. We hit the chinlock before Rob rolls him up for two. A snap suplex puts Rob right back down and Del Rio does the finger point. Del Rio kicks him in the back of the head for two and it’s back to the chinlock. An enziguri sends Del Rio to the floor but Alberto misses a dive and crashes on the outside.

Back in and a kick to the face gets two for Rob and the middle rope thrust kick gets the same. A top rope kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder but Alberto rolls away and hits the Backstabber for two. Rob breaks up the reverse superplex and the cannonball off the top gets two. They slug it out with Del Rio getting two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Rob kicks his way out of the armbreaker and gets two off a rollup.

The split legged moonsault gets the same but Alberto comes back with a Codebreaker on the arm. Del Rio’s low superkick gets two but Rob kicks him off the ropes. The Five Star hits knees and there’s the armbreaker but Rob gets to a rope….and Del Rio holds on through the five count for the DQ at 14:28.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but the ending crippled anything it could have been. Alberto just isn’t interesting as a champion whatsoever but he’s been in every PPV Smackdown Title match this year. I don’t know who we’re waiting on to take the title from him but this wasn’t the right ending for this match.

Rob Van Dam is a guy who has been around for a long time and has stayed solid for almost his entire career. I find his ECW stuff overrated but now that he’s toned down the high flying a bit he’s far easier to watch. The fact that he’s been around going on 25 years makes him all the more impressive. He stays in good shape too and takes breaks when he needs to, making it easier to cheer for him when he comes back. The guy is talented and probably the best ECW guy of all time, assuming you don’t consider Foley and Austin to be on that list.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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I could have just posted Wrestlemania matches here and this would have been the longest entry in the series.

 

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker

It’s the remix for Angle’s music here which I never liked. That title just looks AWESOME on him. He was a guy that was incredibly valuable to have on the roster for instances such as this. Batista was hurt and so they needed a credible champion. Angle is someone they could throw the title on and have it be completely realistic. That’s always a great thing and it worked perfectly here.

Taker literally takes four minutes for his entrance. Think he’s taking long enough? Cole’s voice sounds like it’s giving out. Angle tries to get a hold on him early on and Taker goes to the ropes. That’s a bit odd to see I’d think. Angle hits the floor when nothing works. Cole says neither of them have ever tapped. What the heck has he been watching for the seven years Angle has been in the company? He’s lost an Ultimate Submission match and Jericho made him tap on Raw once. Also Benoit made him tap multiple times. Yeah that’s nonsense.

Taker works a headlock which is odd to see him using. Off to the arm and a short arm scissors which gets him nowhere. They’re going back and forth here and it’s working for the most part. Definitely a slow build as we have nearly half an hour to go and no more matches. Old School connects and Taker busts out a Downward Spiral of all things for two.

Snake Eyes hit but Angle hits a SWEET release German for one. The dueling chants begin which makes sense as these are both faces. There’s some chick at ringside that screams louder than Melina. Taker gets knocked off the apron and into the railing. Angle dives at him and is caught before being rammed into the post. The apron legdrop is VINTAGE! Back in and Angle blocks a chokeslam with some kicks so Taker just hits him in the face to put him back down.

Angle goes for the knee and gets the post figure four. Solid stuff here so I apologize for the lack of humor. There’s nothing to make fun of. Patrick gives this big lecture to Angle about keeping it in the ring and Angle nods at it. Patrick turns around and Angle is right back out there which was rather funny. They’re building very slowly here but Angle is picking it up a bit.

Back to the floor again with Taker drilling him with knees. Taker’s knee is messed up a bit and this time he’s selling so we’ve got that going for once. It’s noticeable how much more swearing there is here. Angle grabs the legdrop on the apron this time and gets the ankle lock. Angle holds him on the floor against the ten count, breaking at seven and then breaking the count before going right back to the ankle. That’s sweet stuff there.

We hit the ring again and Taker is caught in another leg lock for a bit. More dueling chants start up. Taker counters mounted punching with a triangle choke and Angle is in trouble. Amazing that Fedor can’t last 10 seconds in one but Angle can last like 30 in it. We hit the floor again and Angle is in trouble. They’ve broken the count like 10 times so far which isn’t something you see that often. It adds some realism to the match as they’re not ignoring rules for the sake of convenience.

Taker clears off the announce table and then rolls in to break the count again, even though I’m not sure one was going on. Angle grabs Taker and puts him through the other announce table with the Angle Slam out of nowhere. Angle stops the count at 9 including some F Bombs. Back to the floor again with Angle pounding away. Taker wouldn’t have beat the count back in. He reverses Angle and sends him into the steps. GREAT match if you can’t tell that.

Taker goes up but gets caught and takes some punches. Angle sets for a suplex but Taker knocks him back. Angle is all like boy I said I’m suplexing you so I’m suplexing you and runs up the corner to throw Taker down in a belly to belly. Somehow that only gets two. Fans are way into this. Angle throws more punches so Taker kicks him in the face. Sometimes you can’t beat the simple stuff.

Chokeslam is countered into the ankle lock and Taker is reeling. Taker can’t shove him off so he pulls him in, grabs the head and locks on the triangle choke again. Angle reverses that and hooks the ankle lock one more time. Taker rolls through and finally gets out of it. Chokeslam mostly hits but Taker kind of dropped him which might have been intentional due to the ankle. That gets two as I’m loving this stuff.

Last Ride is reversed into a sunset flip and Angle grabs the ankle lock AGAIN for like what, the fifth time? Yeah two in the previous sequence and two on the floor. Dang man. Taker can’t get the ropes so he kicks Angle off AGAIN. Angle Slam connects for TWO. Sweet merciful crap this is awesome. Angle pulls down the straps as Taker sits up in a great visual.

They slug it out and Taker sends him in and grabs the Tombstone. Angle reverses and Taker reverses and ANGLE reverses into the SIXTH Ankle lock, this time with the grapevine attached. Taker raises his hand to tap and he’s in the middle of the ring. Taker rolls them over and kicks Angle in the face again to become the ONLY person I’ve ever seen to survive the grapevine ankle lock.

Angle slips up behind Taker as he gets up and hits ANOTHER Angle Slam (NINE freaking finishers from Angle if you’re keeping track) and Angle rolls him up but Taker busts out (and perhaps debuts) the Hell’s Gate (not called that yet and still called a triangle choke here. Thank you martial arts master Tazz) and Angle is in big trouble. Angle is almost out and after the second arm drop he pops up and jumps over into a cradle while the choke is still on and gets the three! Taker thinks he’s won and Angle is DONE. Post match Taker says he has Angle’s number. I guess he’ll text the rematch request.

Rating: A+. Screw Meltzer and his love of Japanese guys and his cruiserweight obsession. THIS is your match of the year. These two beat the tar out of each other and it was nothing but awesome the whole way. For some reason (Angle leaving for TNA) they never had the big rematch. THIS should have been the main event of Mania rather than a 9 minute triple threat with Angle dropping the belt to that freaking moron Rey so that Eddie could have his second moment at Mania.

Both guys looked awesome out there and they threw everything they had at each other and then the ending worked perfectly. Both guys more or less lost and it lets Taker keep his credibility. Much like the Benoit match at the 03 Rumble, Taker didn’t get beat so much as he got caught. That’s a very key thing and it helps a lot here. Excellent match and well worth going out to see.

 

Undertaker would of course have a ton of success at Wrestlemania, including main eventing Wrestlemania XXIV, challenging Edge for the title.

 

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Edge

Edge has Teddy wheel out Vickie who is in a wheelchair as always. The Canadian is defending here. The champ pounds away to start but gets clotheslined out to the floor. Back in and Taker comes back with a Stunner onto the top rope to put Edge down. Taker slugs away but charges into a boot in the corner, only to come back with the jumping clothesline for two. Old School is countered but Taker rolls forward and armdrags Edge down.

They head outside again and Edge drops Taker back first onto the barricade, sending the big man into the crowd. Off to a half crab by Edge followed by a very modified Indian Deathlock which Undertaker kicks away. Back up and they slug it out with Taker getting control and the cheers from Undertaker. The challenger gets the better of it and hits a running clothesline in the corner. Make it a pair of them followed by snake eyes but the big boot is blocked for two by Edge.

HHH vs. Undertaker

Taker is busted open and HHH is having a fit. The Game pounds away at the cut in the corner but makes the fatal mistake of going to the middle rope for more leverage, allowing Taker to grab the Last Ride to plant HHH and make himself 9-0 at Wrestlemania. Taker lays on the ropes after the match and the shot of him busted open but smiling is sweet.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Rating: D. Yeah this match completely sucked but we have a new champion and a reason to watch Flair vs. Hogan, which never happened for various reason. Hogan would beat Taker for the title at Tuesday in Texas six days later, but the title would be held up and decided in the Rumble, where Flair would win it and set up Wrestlemania. Bad match, but a BIG moment.

Undertaker vs. Jinsei Shinzaki

Undertaker is put in the Tree of Woe for all of two seconds before escaping to kick Hakushi in the face. More kicks to the leg drop the big man though and a top rope headbutt injures the knee even more. They head outside but Undertaker catches him diving off the top and drives him into the post a few times. Back in again and a powerslam gets two for the Dead Man but Hakushi goes after the knee again. Moonsault gets two but the headbutt hits mat as Undertaker sits up. Chokeslam gets two and the tombstone gets the pin.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret brings a chair into the ring and lays out Undertaker with no Michaels to see it. Shawn limps back into the ring but the count only gets two. Bret erupts on Shawn and flips him off before pounding away in the corner again. Shawn picks up the chair and is spat on by Bret. Shawn swings the chair but knocks Undertaker out cold, giving Bret the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This took a lot of time to get going but with thirty minutes to use they had more than enough time to waste. Hart winning was definitely the right move after he spent all summer on top of the company. This opened up a lot more options than Taker was providing, which is what a champion is supposed to do.

Post match Undertaker is FURIOUS and goes after Shawn. The Hart Foundation celebrates to end the show.

Now the first match between the two, from In Your House 17: Ground Zero.

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

 

 

 

A backdrop gets two for Undertaker and Shawn is caught trying to escape again. Shawn comes back with a quick neckbreaker but Undertaker casually sits up. Michaels bails to the floor and grabs the chair that started it all, only to have Undertaker kick it back into his face. The referee finally remembers to do his job and takes the chair away, so Undertaker kicks him in the face.

 

 

 

Officials come in as HHH is tombstoned, leaving Shawn alone again. Wrestlers come in to try and break up the fight and Shawn is finally taken to the floor. Undertaker shakes the wrestlers holding him off and DIVES OVER THE TOP ROPE to get at Shawn, which was the debut of said dive. DX bails to the back and the show ends with Undertaker alone in the ring.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

 

 

Undertaker continues to walk very slowly around the ring, hitting a single right hand after another. He tries a powerbomb on the floor but Michaels fires off right hands, only to be rammed back first into the cage wall. Now Undertaker picks him up and rams Shawn back first into the post, then the wall, then back to the post and back to the wall again. Shawn manages to escape being rammed in again and sends Undertaker into the wall, but Undertaker shrugs it off and punches Shawn down.

 

 

Michaels gets in a cheap shot on Undertaker to knock him to the floor before taking a breather. Back inside and the flying forearm and nip up make Shawn a little more cocky. The top rope elbow gets two as Slaughter has the door unlocked to get the cameraman some medical attention. Sweet Chin Music lays Undertaker out but he sits up. Shawn tries to run through the open door but Undertaker grabs him almost immediately. Michaels is catapulted into the cage wall (on the outside), cutting him open. Now the fun begins.

 

In one of the iconic shots of the match, Undertaker puts Shawn on his shoulder and rams him into the cage wall again. Shawn collapses next to the cage but Undertaker is just warming up. A quick low blow puts Undertaker down and with nowhere else to go, Shawn climbs up the side of the cage. He makes it all the way to the roof but Undertaker follows him. Undertaker counters a piledriver with a backdrop as we go to a wide shot to show how awesome this looks.

 

 

Rating: A+. This is one of the best matches of all time and the culmination of one of the best put together stories ever. While the brawling is incredible and the violence is off the charts, the storytelling carries this. Undertaker stalking Shawn to start and getting every single bit of punishment in that he could until Shawn used his speed and intelligence to get some control was brilliant. The torment Undertaker put Shawn through was perfect with Michaels being completely destroyed throughout the match and being dead to rites until the ending.

 

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Teddy Long does the intros here for some reason. We lso get the druids and the torches, which look AWESOME in the huge stadiums like this. The bell rings and Batista spears Taker down before pounding away in the corner. Undertaker fires off right hands of his own but Batista throws him right back into the corner. The fans are totally behind Undertaker here. They head to the floor with Undertaker being sent knees first into the steps as is his custom.

HHH vs. Undertaker

The Tombstone connects but HHH is up at two. Shawn has no idea what to do as both guys are slowly getting up. They slug it out from their knees before getting to their feet for more HARD punches. Another Tombstone is countered into the Pedigree for a VERY close two. HHH goes for the hammer but Taker steps on it to stop him. A HARD chair shot to the back puts HHH down and another one keeps him down.

 

WWF World Title: Mankind vs. Undertaker

 

 

 

 

 

Punisher vs. Steve Williams

 

Back to more modern times now as we see what might be the greatest match of all time. From Wrestlemania XXV.

 

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn comes down from the top of the set all in white, Undertaker comes through the stage in blackk, symbolizing heaven vs. hell. Now THAT is an entrance. Feeling out process to start with Shawn circling around Taker and sticking with a few jabs here and there. Michaels pounds away in the corner and hits a hard chop but taker catches an incoming right hand. Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner and nearly out to the floor, only for Shawn to jump off the top and over Undertaker to get away.

Taker pounds way in the corner but has to stop to shake life back into his leg. Snake eyes and the big boot put Shawn down and a legdrop gets two (brother). A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface by Shawn but Taker rolls over onto his side to block a lot of the pressure. After an attempted rollup by Undertaker, Shawn cranks on the hold a bit more, only to have Taker fight up and hit a big side slam for two. Back up and they slug it out with Shawn taking over via a flying forearm.

We head to the floor for a bit but Taker misses the apron legdrop. A baseball slide keeps Taker on the floor but as Shawn tries the moonsault to the floor, Taker moves and Shawn CRASHES onto the concrete. Back inside and Taker sits up and busts out the Taker Dive, only to overrotate and CRASH in a terrifying landing. Shawn thankfully pulled a cameraman in the way to block some of the impact but this scared me to death live.

Shawn tells the referee to count in a kind of mid-match heel turn but Taker makes it back in at nine. Another superkick attempt is ducked and a HUGE chokeslam gets an insanely close two. The fans are getting way into these near falls now. The Tombstone is countered, the superkick is blocked, the chokeslam is escaped and NOW the superkick hits for a very delayed two count. Shawn is up now and looks all ticked off.

Taker nearly collapses from the shock and has a look on his face saying he has no idea where to go now. Shawn spins out of a Tombstone bid into a DDT and both guys are down. Michaels slowly crawls to the top and drops the elbow for no cover. Instead he tunes up the band again and the fans are all over him as a result. The kick hits clean and Shawn covers almost immediately but it only gets two. These kickouts are getting better and better each time.

Undertaker vs. Kane

Hell in a Cell: Undertaker vs. Mankind

Now this was an interesting case for several reasons. First of all, this had been done once before so people knew what it was like, but instead of having Shawn who would run from Taker in there, Foley was crazy and no one knew what he would do. Foley brings the chair to the ring, and in his own words or as close to his book as I can remember, makes his first big mistake of the match and starts the match on top of the cage like Terry Funk suggested.

That should have been a bad omen right there. In case you don’t like insane violence, I would advise you to leave. Once you go that, I would advise you to get over it and grow a set of balls. You’re a wrestling fan dang it now act like one. Even 11 years later I’m uneasy watching this match. There’s an eruption for the gong and when the lights go out the lighters go up which is always cool.

This was right around the time when Taker was becoming demonic thanks to Vince, leading to the Ministry period which Taker wasn’t incredibly fond of. And there goes Taker and you know what’s coming next. Foley punches him on his way up there, which is dangerous in its own right. Foley has a chair up there with him. The wide shot of this is just awesome looking.

Taker is grabbed by Foley and steps through the Cell a bit, which is bad sign number two. That gets a noticeable gasp from the audience. You could feel that something huge was coming and they’re setting up for it. And there it is. Taker grabs Foley from behind and throws him off the Cell where he falls 15 feet to land, actually make that crash, onto a table and then to the concrete.

Ross’ legendary shouting of As God as my witness, he is broken in half and They’ve killed him make the moment that much better. This bump changed wrestling forever, as this easily becomes the biggest bump in history and is still to this day the standard that everything tries to live up to. No one saw this coming and it scared the hell out of a lot of people, myself included.

I mean seriously, he got launched 15 feet to the floor. He does that even slightly wrong and he’s dead. Not injured or out of action. Dead. Taker legit thought he had killed him for a bit there and I can’t say I blame him. Ross and Lawler are STUNNED. You have to remember that Foley isn’t a small man. He’s about 6’2 and 300lbs going easy on him. That’s just completely mind blowing when you think about it.

Terry Funk is here and he takes the table off of Foley as Taker is still standing on top of the cage. I’ll even excuse Ross’ stupid line of this might be the shortest Cell match ever, as it’s the second of all time due to the situation at the moment. On the constant replays you can see the crowd rising up for it and it’s a completely awesome sight. Now something that isn’t notmally taken into consideration is Taker during this part.

Think about what he’s going through here. His character is that of an emotionless killing machine, and he’s possibly just killed a man or crippled him. He now has to stand up on top of the Cell and wonder what he’s just done. They raise the Cell to get Foley out as Taker is going even higher up in the air. To scare me to my core, Taker gets cheered for this. Attitude Era fans were bloodthirsty man.

They lower the cage and it hits the steps because they’re kind of stupid but whatever. And now just to blow whatever remains of the minds of everyone on the planet, Foley gets up and while smiling, climbs the cage again. His left shoulder is completely out of socket or he’s a great actor, and here we go again.

Taker is STUNNED. And now in the spot that allegedly did the majority of the damage to Foley and was COMPLETELY unplanned, Taker chokeslams Foley through the Cell to the mat and the chair falls with him, slamming into Foley’s head on the mat and knocking him completely out cold. Foley has said that the cage was loosened but not to that extent.

The idea had been to have it sag in the middle but not break and then have him fall from about 8 feet instead of what happened here. He also said he doesn’t remember most of what happened after that and didn’t remember it until he watched it on tape and still doesn’t remember all of it. Those two bumps both made Foley famous but also ended his active career eventually as he never completely healed from them.

Ross and Lawler again make the match with their calls of That’s it he’s dead and Will somebody stop the match! Again, remember that Taker didn’t expect his. Taker hops down to the mat and beats up Funk and then goes after Foley. They were supposed to end it almost immediately after that but Foley refused. Now somewhere in here, Taker breaks his ankle or he had it broken coming in so he goes really slowly.

Granted that helps Foley a lot because Taker goes a lot more slowly than usual so Foley can try to get something together. We get the famous shot of Foley with his tooth in his nose and him trying to put his tongue through the hole in his lip for some reason which makes him look like he’s smiling in probably the defining shot of the Mankind character.

Foley is somehow on offense here and knocks Taker to the floor, which I think is where he breaks the ankle. Somehow that’s a tiny injury. No he’s still walking around fine. Taker’s shirt is ripped to pieces here. Taker dives through the ropes for Foley but Foley collapses and Taker eats cage and now he’s bleeding. Yeah the foot/ankle is messed up now. Foley hits a piledriver on a chair for two. Foley’s arm might have popped back in as it’s looking better. Since this match hasn’t been insane enough, Foley goes under the ring and gets out a bag, comtaining thumbtacks.

You can hear in Lawler’s voice that he thinks this is insane. You also have to remember that this was something that hadn’t been done before. Abyss hadn’t made this a standard thing yet so this truly was shocking at the time. Taker counters into the Tombstone but Mankind counters into the Mandible Claw. Somehow Taker stands up with Foley on his back and there they go as he goes back first into them.

You could see a slight bit of padding under Foley’s shirt, but none over his arms. After the match in the locker room when they were being looked at, Foley asked if he got to use the tacks. Taker replied “Mick, look at your arm.” Then he gets a chokeslam on them. In a moment that’s overlooked, Foley more or less no sells the chokeslam and is up in about 3 seconds. The Tombstone mercifully, at least I guess you could call it that, ends it.

Jerry says that just after I type it so I win there. Foley’s wife more or less insisted that he retire after this but of course that didn’t happen. To say this was insane would be an understatement. It’s the most violent mainstream match in history and I don’t think it’s ever going to be topped. Yeah there’s more violent stuff in indy companies and in Japan, but that’s designed to be like that.

This was the WWF more or less saying screw you WCW, we can go to a place that no one is ever going to top and then they went out and did it. Also, the fans cared and weren’t in it for a freak show. That’s why this is different. Foley WALKS OUT. There’s being tough and being stupid and he passed stupid a few miles back. The fans give him a standing ovation and Foley is a legend.

Rating: A-. Now I’ve heard a lot of people criticize this match and say it’s garbage and what not, and the reply I always give is the same. Look at the name of the match: Hell in a Cell. Hell. Does that sound like a pleasant, old school, Lou Thesz vs. Dory Funk special? No not really. It sounds completely insane and violent. That’s the point of this and that’s what it was.

It was supposed to be completely over the top and crazy. You can’t grade this on the same scale you grade a traditional match on. Violence like this is effective as all hell when it’s in moderation, which is what ECW never learned. The violent matches are fine, but they need something to balance them out. Anyway, this was a classic in a sense, and it made both men all the more famous.

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USWA Wrestling Challenge
Date: August 11, 1989
Location: Sportatorium, Dallas, Texas
Commentator: Marc Lowrance

This is the first of I think six episodes I have of this. I don’t have them all in order and I have no idea where to find them otherwise, so I won’t be able to put up the one from August 18. Other than that though this is from the late 80s (obviously) and it’s as good as anything else while I find a copy of the Raw I was going to do. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from a World Class show from last week with Eric Embry facing someone from Japan in a cage. The idea here is that if Embry, a Memphis guy, wins, then the Memphis guys get to stay in WCCW but if he loses then they’re all gone. Apparently we’ll get the ending later because that’s all we see here.

This is a USWA show from Dallas which is something I’ve never seen before. I’d assume that means Embry won. Marc Lowrence, the longtime WCCW commentator, is host. Short version: Memphis (CWA) and Dallas (WCCW) merged to form the USWA to try to fight McMahon and Crockett and it lasted all of a year before they split again.

Skandor Akbar talks about how Devastation Inc is tired of not getting acknowledged. They’re coming for the Memphis guys.

Lowrance takes us back to the cage match and the fans are all behind Embry. Embry is the booker from Foley’s book that liked to book sans clothes. Eric wins with a fluke rollup.

After a break Embry and Percy Pringle (Paul Bearer) take down the WCCW banner and put up a USWA banner. I’m really not entirely sure what’s going on here but it’s as basic of the idea as I can get it. From what I can understand, that cage match was the culmination of a LONG story (as in like 6 months to a year) between Embry and Devastation Inc.

WCCW had been taken over by evil (Fritz had legitimately sold to Jerry Jarrett at this point so the Von Erichs got toned WAY down) Japanese people and Eric represented the good guys of the USWA. He won the match to bring in a new era, which was wanted/needed. This is all based off info I can find elsewhere and not from the TV show mind you.

Billy Travis, a WCCW guy, talks very nervously about how he’s glad to be here.

Eric and Percy are here to talk about the USWA. I’m not sure if USWA was the name in Memphis or not. They talk about how they’re glad the evil ones are gone and they’ll try not to let us down.

Jimmy Jack Funk/Kerry Von Erich vs. Al Perez/Taurus Bulba

Perez vs. Kerry gets us going. They fight for position early and then get in each others’ faces. Kerry grabs the arm and it’s off to Jimmy Jack. The guys on the apron almost get into it out there as (and by that I mean Marc talking to himself) talk about the cage match. Kerry throws the chair at Taurus. Akbar is at ringside too. Lowrance talks about how all of the good things from WCCW will be around in the USWA also. Bulba comes in but misses an elbow to Funk. Back to Von Erich who LOUDLY says put your foot up, which is exactly what Taurus does in the corner. Bulba runs from the Claw and takes Kerry back down.

An elbow drop keeps Kerry down as Akbar talks about how awesome Devastation Inc is. Bulba comes off the top but jumps into the Claw. He makes the rope though and it heads to the floor. The Claw goes on outside and they go towards the crowd. Bulba goes into the post and allegedly we’re at 10 minutes. More like 4 but whatever. Tornado Punch sends Bulba into the barricade but Perez hits Kerry with a chair. Everything breaks down and somehow there isn’t a DQ.

We have four minutes left in the time limit and Kerry is double teamed in the corner. Perez hooks a sleeper on Kerry and takes him down with three minutes to go. Kerry gets out and punches Perez down. Off to Funk and everything breaks down again. Somehow we’re now down to one minute as they’re not even trying to hide the clock changes. A lot of pins are broken up but Kerry gets the Claw on Perez with 15 seconds left. And never mind because it’s a draw.

Rating: C. This was a pretty high impact brawl and I’d assume it was to advance a Perez vs. Kerry feud, which is fine. Bulba was a Mongolian which is a tried and true indy heel gimmick. Not a great match or anything but the crowd was into it and it wasn’t a bad match at all. The clock thing was just laughable though.

A guy who isn’t named doesn’t like to be in Texas but likes Arkansas. He’s part of Devastation Inc though. Oh it’s Gary Young.

Tojo Yamamoto and Akbar get equal time and say they’ll be here. They’re coming for Eric and Pringle. There’s a $100,000 bounty involved somewhere.

USWA Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett/Matt Borne vs. Cactus Jack Manson/Scott Braddock

Manson is Foley and his team has the titles. Frank Duschek is with the challengers. He was the WCCW boss and was fired by Akbar, who is here of course as well. Braddock is thrown into Akbar on the floor and it’s Jarrett vs. Jack to start. Now there’s a pairing. Jarrett works the arm to control and has Jack hiding in the corner. There was talk of a break but I don’t think we ever went to one.

Braddock comes in and walks into an armdrag of his own. Here’s Borne in pink shorts. He’s no Bret Hart in them but he has a good clothesline. Back to Jarrett and the arm work continues. Back to Borne who grabs the arm again. Now we take a break and come back to a promo of Jarrett and Borne WITH THE TAG TEAM TITLES. They say they’ll deal with anyone that wants a shot.

Back with Jarrett working on the arm of Braddock some more. Off to Manson who rams Jarrett into the buckle then clotheslines him down to block Jarrett’s flips. Off to Braddock who slams Jeff for two. Cactus throws him to the floor and hits the elbow off the apron (called The Consequences here, which is a perfect name for it). That gets two back inside as it occurs to me we’ve never been told who the champions are. It’s Jack/Braddock, but we’ve never been told that.

Jack throws him to the floor and tries another Consequences, but Jeff moves and crawls for the corner. A diving tag brings in the pink shorts wearing Maniac to pound of Manson. Everything breaks down and Borne snaps off a quick German suplex on Jack for the pin and the titles. It’s a huge pop, but man it would have sucked to watch this on TV and have the ending spoiled.

Rating: C. Pretty boring tag match for the most part but the ending was a lot better. That being said, I’d have liked it a lot better if I hadn’t seen Jarrett and Braddock with the belts halfway through the thing. These guys would trade the titles for awhile until Jack left to go to I think WCW. Not much of a match but a title change is always worth seeing.

Lowrance wraps up the show and in something you don’t often hear on a wrestling show, says have a good weekend and worship at the church of your choice. He retired from wrestling to become a minister but it’s still odd to hear. Nothing wrong with it mind you, just not something you often hear.

Overall Rating: C. This was a really bad episode to jump in on. The feuds that were featured here were some VERY hot stories back in the day and it brought Dallas back from a bad slump they had been in, although it was short lived because of backstage politics with the WCCW guys pulling out of the USWA, making that company a Memphis exclusive in about a year or so. Still, fun stuff and a cool look at an interesting time in wrestling history. I don’t have the 8/18 show but I do have 8/25 which is up next.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Date: March 28, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Dave Brown, Michael St. John

Danny Davis is in the opening match but before the match, Eric Embry and Tom Pritchard are here. Pritchard is the new Southern Heavyweight Champion, having won the title about two weeks ago. We get a clip of Jackie Fargo and Jerry Lawler beating some Texas guys in the Mid-South Coliseum but the Texans destroyed the Memphis dudes. Eric is Texas Heavyweight Champion as well and brags about it a lot. Eric and Pritchard run into the ring and beat up Davis and his opponent, the Scorpion.

Back from a break and we talk about the Mid-South show on Monday.

Gilbert gets beaten down for awhile until Steve Keirn makes the save. Keirn says that you have to earn a reputation instead of taking one from someone else. Fargo called him and asked for some help in getting revenge. Keirn owes Fargo everything so he came as soon as he got the call.

Video on Steve Keirn.

Jeff Jarrett/Billy Joe Travis vs. Keith Roberson/Mickie Jay

Steve Austin vs. Chris Frazier

Austin is now managed by J.C. Ice. Total squash with Austin hitting what we would call Eye of the Storm and a top rope splash gets the win in about 80 seconds.

Deuce Mason vs. Bill Dundee

T.D. Steele/Curtis Thompson vs. Texas Hangmen

Billy Joe Travis comes out for the save but gets beaten down too. They hang him with a rope until Jarrett makes the save.

The announcers wrap the show up.

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