WWF House Show
Date: September 22, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,000
Commentators: Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon

It’s another MSG house show from 1984, meaning Hulkamania is here but not to the level it would ultimately reach. The champ is in the house tonight and defending the title against one of his biggest rivals of the time: Big John Studd. Other than that there isn’t much to see here, but that’s how a lot of house shows were back in the day. Let’s get to it.

Gene and Gorilla welcome us to the show.

Salvatore Bellomo vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is Beefcake’s MSG debut and he’s actually billed from Parts Unknown. We’re also told that Jesse Ventura is in the hospital in San Diego, meaning he won’t be here to face Hogan. Big John Studd will be challenging Hogan instead. After a brief stall to get us going, Beefcake shoves him down and then into the corner for good measure. Bellomo gets nowhere on a headlock so he dropkicks Beefcake down and hooks an armdrag as well.

Beefcake walks around a bit as more stalling ensues. Back to the headlock as we hit the mat early on. Gene wants to know if Beefcake’s mother knows she has a son named Brutus Beefcake. You mean there isn’t a Mama Beefcake? Bellomo speeds things up with a leapfrog and a reverse dropkick to stagger Brutus a bit. Beefcake snaps off a headbutt to send Salvatore down and the slow offense continues. To be fair though this was far more common in 1984.

Off to a neck crank as Gorilla isn’t thrilled with the refereeing job so far. A back body drop puts Sal down again and the ropes look very loose out there. Brutus goes after the back with a slam and some headbutts to the back for two. Some knees to the jaw get two for Brutus as Gorilla is complaining about what looks like metal on Beefcake’s arms. Bellomo fights up with some solid right hands and a dropkick to send Brutus to the floor. Back in and Brutus pounds away very slowly by knocking Bellomo into the corner. A cross body is caught in mid air into a powerslam by Beefcake for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen WAY worse debuts for people but it didn’t do much for me here. Brutus didn’t look lost but he looked very limited with what he could do out there. You can only watch so many forearms to the back and knee chokes before you get bored you know? Not terrible here but cutting out three or four minutes would have helped a lot.

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Nikolai sings before the match and Jay seems ok with it. The referee tells them the rules which you never see anymore as I guess it’s a waste of time now. I would however pay a good deal of money for an official WWE rule book given how much it changes at times. Strongbow pounds away in the corner to start and we have a standoff. Off to an armbar by Jay and into a hammerlock before he fires off some basic strikes to the ample gut of Volkoff.

Nikolai shoves him into the corner and puts on a nerve hold, as apparently they need a breather after three and a half minutes of “action”. Jay tries to get on the warpath, only to be pulled right back down by the hair. The referee catches it and Gene actually applauds him for getting one right. Back to the nerve hold for a bit longer before Strongbow gets up and goes on the warpath with some knee lifts. The path continues until as Nikolai pounds on the back until it’s off to Strongbow’s sleeper. Volkoff rams him back first into the buckle to escape and drops an elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. This match wasn’t even seven minutes long and nearly two minutes of it was spent in a nerve hold. Strongbow was long past the point of being worth much here other than a nostalgia pop, which makes for some very dull matches. This wasn’t much to see and Volkoff never would get much better in the ring.

SD Jones vs. Dave Schultz

Schultz is a pretty decent heel who would have his career cut short by being an idiot and attacking a news reporter asking him if wrestling was fake. He backs away from Jones in the corner before taking it to the mat with a headlock. Jones puts on a body vice but gets punched in the face and choked for his efforts. They get back up and Schultz slaps Jones in the face like the villain he is.

Back to the mat with Jones taking over via a headscissors until Schultz makes the ropes. Now Jones slaps Schultz and pounds away, only to have Dave kick him in the face to take over. A clothesline gets two for Schultz and it’s off to a chinlock on SD. Jones fights up and gets two off a headbutt but Schultz sends him and hits…..it was some kind of a kick to the head. Either way it gets the pin in a very awkward count as the referee counted two, stopped, and then counted three. Even Schultz seems annoyed that he won that fast.

Rating: D+. Jones is another guy who wasn’t very good but was popular enough back in the day to warrant keeping a job. Schultz was fine for a quick challenger to Hogan but soon after this he would be gone due to the reasons mentioned above. The match was nothing though and the ending seemed like it wasn’t what was planned.

Greg Valentine vs. Jose Luis Rivera

Rivera jumps Valentine as he’s taking his robe off, sending Greg out to the floor. Back in and Valentine misses a charge into the corner but Jose doesn’t follow him in. Instead it’s a forearm to the face to take Jose down, allowing Greg to stomp on the leg as is his custom. A gutbuster puts Rivera down again and there’s an elbow drop to the thigh. Rivera is thrown to the floor as we’re firmly in squash territory here.

Back in and a shoulder breaker gets two for Valentine and it’s off to an armbar. Another forearm puts Rivera on the floor as Valentine is just toying with him here. Rivera comes back with some right hands, only to be knocked across the ring with a single forearm. Valentine lifts him up and drops Jose ribs first across the top rope before walking around for a bit. Rivera pounds on him in the corner but a single right hand drops him again. A suplex puts Rivera down and there are some of the heavy elbow drops from the Hammer. Figure Four goes on Rivera and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Just an extended squash here but at least it wasn’t all that long. Valentine was still a big deal at this point and he would have one last run with the Intercontinental Title soon after this. Rivera was your traditional ethnic guy who wasn’t all that great but he could fill in a spot on the card like this.

WWF World Title: Big John Studd vs. Hulk Hogan

Here’s your famous debut as Studd has a manager with him: Bobby the Brain Heenan. We get a prerecorded comment from him as he brags about leaving with the title in his first night here. It’s still Eye of the Tiger and the white trunks for Hogan which are always cool to see here. Hogan apparently cut himself on the chest during his entrance. Studd immediately heads to the apron for a meeting with Heenan as Gene warns us about what Bobby is capable of doing.

Studd takes over with a test of strength so Hulk goes with good old fashioned right hands. A running elbow in the corner has Studd on the apron and the match slows back down again. Back in and Hogan hits a big boot to the face but can’t slam Studd, which apparently would get him $10,000. Studd easily slams Hulk down and hits a middle rope forearm to the back. Off to a bearhug but Hogan holds his arm up after two drops, only to be sent into the ropes and knocked down by a big shoulder.

Studd circles the champ and hits a very slow ax handle to the back before we hit another bearhug. Hogan appears to be either dancing or shaking while in the hold but he gets his arm down inside Studd’s grip to break the hold. He can’t follow up though and Studd knocks him out to the floor. The champion is cut open and Studd pounds him from the apron, only to have Hogan come back in and pound away as is his custom. Studd is pounded down but Hogan still can’t slam him. They head to the floor and Hogan still can’t slam him, so Studd shoves him into the post and slides back in for the countout win.

Rating: D+. This was to set up a rematch and nothing more. Obviously you can’t change the title here or anything like that, but the idea of having Hogan not be able to slam him is nothing more than a way to set up a rematch a month later where he can pull the slam off. Other than that though, this was really dull stuff, but that’s par for the course for Studd most of the time.

Heenan and Studd runs off with the belt. Oh yeah it’s a rematch next month.

Ken Patera vs. Rick McGraw

Patera is a strong man with blonde hair here. We stall for over a minute while Patera takes off his warmup gear. Patera shoves him around to start but gets caught in a headlock. It’s about as exciting as it sounds so Ken takes him down with an armbar. McGraw grabs a hammerlock but again we go to the ropes. Very slow paced stuff so far. Off to a leg lock by Patera as this is somehow getting even worse. The leg is wrapped around the post and a big right hand puts McGraw on the floor. Rick pulls him down to the mat and wraps Patera’s leg around the post a few times. Back in and McGraw chokes a lot but gets clotheslined down and sent into the post. The full nelson ends McGraw pretty easily.

Rating: D-. Absolutely horrendous match here as Patera did next to nothing for the eight minutes that this went on. Yeah that whole description filled in just under eight minutes. This was horrible all around but I’d bet it was a filler after intermission for the sake of a concession stand run. Nothing to see here at all.

Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch/Lou Albano vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Wild Samoans

Before the match Albano says that this is due to him being accused of being a biased referee against the Samoans and the Sarge. Adonis and Murdoch are tag champions. Albano sneaks in a foreign object because that’s what he does. After a LONG stall we’re ready for the opening bell. We finally start with Afa vs. Murdoch and they trade full nelsons. It must drive Murdoch nuts to be in there against Afa as Murdoch was a member of the KKK.

That goes nowhere so here’s Adonis instead. Everything breaks down and Albano walks out like the coward he is, leaving this as a handicap match. Slaughter chases after him but comes back a few seconds later. The tag champions try to ram the Samoans’ heads together which has as little effect as you would expect it to have. Albano is back at ringside as we’ve barely had any wrestling in the first five minutes.

Adonis and Murdoch double team Sika until Albano comes in for some shots with that foreign object. Sika snaps up and it’s very quickly off to Murdoch again as we’re firmly in a comedy match at this point. Dick tries the elbow to the head and injures himself in the process. The tag champions are rammed together and Murdoch gets caught in the wrong corner. Albano is offered a chance to come in and says no way. He claims to have a bad back and sends Adonis in to face Sika.

Actually make that Sarge to a big pop and a knee drop to Adonis’ head. Murdoch is knocked to the floor as well but Slaughter goes after Albano, allowing the heels to take Slaughter down. Murdoch hits Slaughter with something from the announce table and Gorilla is freaking out. Back in and Adonis puts on a sleeper but the Samoans make the save. Off to more triple teaming in the corner and a back elbow to the face for two for Murdoch.

Adonis comes back in with a top rope elbow for two before Dick comes in to rip at Slaughter’s face. Slaughter finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Sika who is dropped with a double back elbow from the champions. Albano comes in for some cheap shots but once again Sika snaps up and Lou runs away. Sika gets in a headbutt on Murdoch and it’s off to Afa. Not that the tag means much though as he is caught in a front facelock by Murdoch.

Adrian slams Sika down for two and hits a missile dropkick (a high spot in this era) for two. A top rope splash misses Afa but Murdoch breaks up a tag attempt. Afa gets in a big headbutt and it’s off to Slaughter as everything breaks down. Adonis gets tied up in the ropes so Sika and Slaughter pick up Murdoch and harpoons him into Adonis’ chest. A dropkick gets one for Slaughter and there are some headbutts by Sika.

Adonis breaks up a near fall and it’s back to Afa. Adrian gets a tag but walks into a bunch of headbutts to put him right back down. Slaughter rams Murdoch’s head into Sika’s and it’s off to Albano vs. Sarge. The Cobra Clutch is quickly put on but Adonis makes the save. Lou brings in the exhausted Murdoch as Sarge and Albano leave. Everything breaks down and Sarge runs in to slam Murdoch off the top for the pin.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get into but once it got going things improved a lot. The story makes sense as the tag champions can hang with the Samoans in a two on two match but when you give them Slaughter against the worthless Albano, Murdoch and Adonis are outmatched. It’s too long at 20 minutes but it’s not as bad as I was expecting it to be.

Mike Sharpe vs. B. Brian Blair

Before the match, Sharpe complains about not being introduced as Canada’s Greatest Athlete. Blair is still just a guy in trunks at this point. Sharpe bails to the floor right after the bell and hides on the apron when Blair wants to get going. Mike finally pulls him down and rams Blair into the announce table before we get more stalling. Back in and Blair finally gets in a shot on the leg before wrapping it around the post.

Both guys miss elbow drops and Sharpe is still talking trash. Blair puts on a wristlock but Sharpe goes to the eyes to break it up. A sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Blair and it’s back to the wristlock. Make that an armbar as the workrate really goes up. Sharpe puts on a headlock on the mat before running Blair over with some shoulders. Brian comes back with some dropkicks and armdrags to send Mike out to the floor. Back to the armbar as this long match gets even longer.

Sharpe gets up and backdrops him down for two before sending Blair throat first into the top rope. A splash gets two and it’s off to an over the shoulder backbreaker. Mike throws him through the ropes but not even out to the apron. Off to a Boston Crab but Mike isn’t putting anywhere near the amount of pressure on it that he needs to have. Blair finally kicks him off but gets placed in the corner and punched in the face.

Gene and Gorilla complain about how nothing has happened yet as Blair comes back with a running forearm to the head. A missile dropkick puts Sharpe down and some right hands do the same. Sharpe is sent to the floor and we can see the timekeeper touching his nose, meaning to go home. Back in and Sharpe pounds away in the corner before shoving the referee for the DQ.

Rating: F+. This wasn’t a bad match but good freaking grief was it ever dull. It was nearly twenty minutes of two guys that no one cared about doing nothing of note at all. Even Gene and Gorilla were complaining about how dull the match was so apparently it wasn’t just me who thought this match was boring. It’s not the guys’ fault though as they just had no business wrestling a twenty minute match.

We get the card for next month’s show, which I’ll get to eventually. It’s Tito vs. Valentine for the IC Title if nothing else. Before Fink is done though, here’s Bobby Heenan with something to say. He’s never heard of a title not changing hands on a countout, so if Hogan wants a rematch there’s a contract ready right now. However, Heenan wants it to be a countout can change the title and calls Hogan out to sign it. Cue Hogan to sign it in a pencil and that’s about it.

Pat Patterson vs. Kamala

This is your main event people and I believe it’s Patterson’s last match as a regular competitor. Kamala jumps Patterson before Pat gets his jacket off and pounds on him in the corner. Pat finally gets out of it and pokes Kamala in the eyes before stupidly trying a slam. A shot to the face ticks Kamala off but Patterson bails to the floor before pain can be inflicted. Back in and Kamala wants a test of strength but Patterson stomps on his bare feet in a smart move. Kamala shoves him down and pounds away but can’t hit the splash. Scratch that as it hits Patterson on the back for the fast pin.

Rating: D. Another uninteresting match here but at least it makes Kamala look good. Patterson was WAY past his expiration date here but at least the fans still liked him. He was much better in the ring than people remember but soon after this he would move into the backstage position that he’s most famous for.

We go to the back to hear Chief Jay Strongbow say that he isn’t sure how much longer he can do this given how strong all the new guys are. He also thinks Hulk made a big mistake by signing that contract.

Overall Rating: D-. This was insanely boring with almost nothing interesting at all. The matches weren’t even bad for the most part but they were just so freaking dull that it made a two hour and twenty minute show feel about five times that long. There’s nothing worth watching on here but next month’s show should be much better given the card announced.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

You didn’t miss 1997-2003.  They don’t exist.  Also I forgot the Valiant Brothers in the 96 class but they’ve been added at the end.This is the return of the Hall of Fame after an eight year absence.  It’s also the first year that the inductions were tied in to Wrestlemania, which was the perfect move for the ceremonies.  They never were really talked about, so putting them at Wrestlemania got them on the main stage for the first time ever.  Since there are a lot more people going in starting with these classes and some of them are better known, the statements about each will likely shrink a bit.  Let’s get to it.

 

Big John Studd

….for what?  Winning the second Royal Rumble?  I’d hardly call that a reason for putting him in the Hall.  Studd won a tag title back in the 70s under a mask, but other than that the guy doesn’t have any claims to fame in the company.  He was a pretty big star outside of WWF, but again I don’t know if he was a big enough deal to be in the Hall of Fame.  At the end of the day, he didn’t really do much other than job to Andre and Hogan about a million times.  If he’s in the Hall of Fame, it’s on one of the lowest levels you can be on.  I’d vote no here.

 

Don Muraco

I’m fine with this one.  Muraco was a very dominant heel back in the early 80s, winning two Intercontinental Titles when that meant a lot.  He spent the second most time ever as champion, second only to Pedro Morales.  He’s also an answer to another trivia question, as he won the first King of the Ring tournament.  Muraco was a shell of his great self by the time he turned face in late 87, which is a shame as he really was talented back in the day.  I’m fine with him going in.

 

Greg Valentine

You could nearly write the same paragraph here as was written about Muraco, with the only differences being Valentine won a tag title instead of another IC Title and never won the KOTR.  Valentine also had a great run in the NWA, winning nearly every major title other than the world title.  If you want to see an old school bloodbath, check out Valentine vs. Piper at the first Starrcade.  For it’s time, it’s an amazing brawl.  I have no problem with Valentine being in the Hall of Fame, but if you look up his stuff, get the matches before about 1987.  They’re WAY better.

 

Harley Race

This is a yes.  If you need to know who Harley Race is, watch some HHH matches and pretend it’s the 70s.  They’re practically the same guy.  If I remember right, when Race retired he was an 8 time world champion.  The second highest total at that time: three, by Lou Thesz.  Harley Race is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time and has a legitimate argument for being the greatest of all time.  Race falls into the category of “guys you have to have in a wrestling Hall of Fame if you want people to care.”  As I said, this is a yes, period.

 

Jesse Ventura

If you have Gorilla Monsoon in the Hall of Fame, it would be a crime to not have Ventura in there as well.  These two were made to be commentary partners and they had the absolute best banter in the history of wrestling announcers.  Ventura wasn’t great in the ring by any stretch, but he more than made up for it on the microphone.  Oh and he was governor of Minnesota.  That has to be worth some points.  I’m fine with him being in the Hall of Fame, but only the WWF version.

 

Junkyard Dog

The JYD is one of those guys that got by almost entirely on charisma instead of skill.  By the time he got to the WWF he was a shell of his former self, but the fans still loved him no mater what.  He never accomplished that much on the main stage, but he was probably the biggest star ever in Mid-South, which was a pretty big deal back in the day.  This is one of those names that I wouldn’t go with personally, but I can see why he got in.  I’d probably vote no though, at least for the first few years.

 

Sgt. Slaughter

This is another name that wasn’t huge on the main stage but he was certainly big elsewhere, especially in the chin department.  Slaughter was a top star in the AWA and then won the WWF Title in a huge heel run in 1991.  He used the American military gimmick which is one of the tried and true gimmicks that almost never fails.  Slaughter was one of the top stars of the 1980s, and I have limited problems with him being in the Hall of Fame.  I’ll give him a pretty solid yes here.

 

Billy Graham

Here’s something you likely wouldn’t guess: Graham has the longest world title reign by a heel in WWF history.  On top of that, to call Graham influential is the understatement of the century.  Hogan used the boas and talked about having huge arms, Rhodes flat out stole some of Graham’s catchphrases, and Jesse Ventura made a running joke out of saying that Graham stole ideas from him.  Graham has since become something of a nut case, but to argue that he doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame is absurd.  This is probably the easiest layup of the year.

 

Tito Santana

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m a big Tito Santana fan.  The guy could flat out go in the ring and was basically the Kofi Kingston of his day: he won enough titles to be credible all the time, he almost never had a truly bad match, and he never was a serious threat to the world title.  Santana and Valentine had some of the best chemistry you’ll ever see, making their matches pure treats.  He had the same chemistry with Savage so the feuds flowed very well with them.  Santana certainly belongs in the Hall as he’s one of the most consistently solid workers in history.

 

Bobby Heenan

He’s the greatest manager of all time but he might have been funnier on commentary.  Think about this: the guy got a DVD released about him, and he was primarily a manager.  That sums up the easy yes pretty well.

 

Pete Rose

Yeah whatever.  The guy took some beatings over the years so why not.

 

This was a pretty solid return to the concept for the WWE, but the next year was when they started nailing the idea with headliners.  That’s probably what this class is missing most, but it’s certainly not bad.

AWF Warriors of Wrestling
Date: September 21, 1995
Location: Studio City, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Mick Karch, Terry Taylor

Now here’s one I’d bet that most of you have never heard of. This is from the mid-90s and it’s an attempt at making a third national promotion. Their big stars: Bob Orton, Tito Santana, Greg Valentine. The twist is that it’s based on European rules, meaning there non-title matches consist of three four minute rounds. Title matches are twelve four minute rounds. That’s quite a jump isn’t it? There’s a judging aspect too if the time runs out. Anyway, this show was basically a compilation of shows taped the previous year. There are 18 episodes in total and I plan on doing a total of this one only. Let’s get to it.

Sgt. Slaughter opens us up and says we should choose the AWF.

The opening video features guys like Koko B. Ware and the Warlord, plus A LOT of Slaughter. Oh geez Nailz is here.

They have red white and blue ropes ala the old WWF.

Tony Atlas is on the show too. Oh what have I gotten myself into?

Tito Santana vs. Ultimate Destroyer

Destroyer is an average sized guy in a silver mask with a white t-shirt under a gray striped singlet. I’d hate to see the standard model Destroyer. Actually scratch that as the Destroyer was awesome. Tito comes out to generic rock music. The production values aren’t awful but they’re nothing great. Terry runs down the rules, but with the following exchange beforehand. Mick: “Tell us about the rules in case we’re not clear here Terry.” Terry: “I’d be glad to Mick and I’ll do it like turtle soup: I’ll make it snappy.” This show is 45 minutes long not counting commercials and I’m about to cry after 3.

A few more rules: touching the referee or throwing your opponent over the top is an automatic DQ. Also the referee has final judgment. The rules are simple enough. Destroyer takes him to the mat but Tito sits out and it’s a standoff. Tito takes him to the mat now and we get a rope break. Destroyer breaks out with an elbow to the face but Tito hooks an armdrag (called an aerial wingover by Terry for some reason) and an armbar.

Destroyer pops out with a headbut but walks into an atomic drop which sends Destroyer over the top. That’s not a DQ though because it wasn’t intentional. I’m having WCW flashbacks now. This isn’t helping my issues with the match so far. Tito works on another armbar but Destroyer sends him into the buckle and misses a splash. Tito dropkicks him down and that’s the end of round 1.

We stop for a minute between rounds and Destroyer wants more time. That’s about the extent of his heel tactics so far. Oh wait he rakes Tito’s eyes. That’s the ticket! Tito comes back but gets draped over the top rope. That gets Destroyer nowhere and Tito slams him a few times. Flying Burrito (forearm) gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was a really bad choice for the opener. Flash back with me to 1987 and the first Survivor Series. The first match ever in the history of the Survivor Series was Team Savage vs. Team Honky Tonk and the final score before the end was 5-3. In that match we saw regular pins, a double countout, and a 3-1 beating. In other words, we got a great taste of what could happen with this concept. This match here on the TV show basically showed us that Tito could beat up Ultimate Destroyer, stop for a minute, then beat him up some more. Horrible choice for an opener.

Tito says this is about wrestling. He shakes his head a lot for some reason during the promo.

Billy Joe Eaton vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine has a manager named Rico Suave who is fat and mostly bald. Terry is the heel commentator I think. Billy works on the arm a bit but gets clotheslined down. Valentine works on the ribs a bit and Chris Adams pops up saying he’s in the AWF too. Eaton gets some shoulders into the ribs in the corner but Valentine takes him back down with ease. Elbow drop and Figure Four end the squash.

Sonny Rodgers vs. Tony Atlas

Rodgers jumps on Atlas to start and hits a double ax off the middle rope to put Atlas down. A few shots to the head put Atlas in trouble but Rodgers bounces off of him. Rodgers gets knocked to the floor and this show needs to end. Now. Put on a Matlock rerun or something, but get this show off the air. Sonny pokes him in the eye and dropkicks Atlas down for two with a power kickout.

Atlas Hulks Up (allegedly that was his push to have if not for Hogan) and destroys Sonny for a bit before hooking the bearhug…and the round runs out a big later. You know, BECAUSE WE NEED THIS TO CONTINUE! Johnny Gunn pops up to say that he’s here too and debuts next week. He’s Tom Brandi if you remember him. Gorilla press and splash finally end this.

Rating: D-. So far the only thing I can tell that the rounds add is making these boring matches last about a minute longer. There was nothing here for the most part with neither guy being interesting at all. The announcers were ripping on Sonny for poking eyes too much. This was really dull, much like the rest of this show.

The president of the company (and legit owner) explains the rules (apparently you have until TEN to break something. Either that or he misspoke) again. He promises touring is coming.

Rick Thunder vs. Nails

Oh geez it’s this guy. They even changed his name to the regular spelling. The idea here is that Nails doesn’t follow rules, making him probably the top heel in the company. He chokes Thunder in the corner a lot and we head to the floor. Nails throws a stool at Thunder and hits him with a chair for the quick DQ. This is the first character development and we’re about 80% done with the show.

Nails chokes him over the top rope post match.

Oliver Humperdink says that his tag team, Killer and Psycho, the Texas Hangmen (WHOA! They were featured on the show I did JUST before this. That’s weird) are here and awesome.

Ken McGuire vs. Sgt. Slaughter

McGuire is in pink trunks so you know he’s evil. Sheik Adnan Al-Kahassie is coming with someone to take out Slaughter. Sarge shrugs off a brief attack, hits the Slaughter Cannon and hooks the Cobra clutch for the quick win.

Slaughter says exactly what you would expect him to say.

Koko B. Ware vs. Bobby Bradley

Koko is in the High Energy attire and the fans chant Whomp There It Is. Koko shoves him down and dances a bit. He dropkicks Bradley down but Bradley comes back with very basic heel offense. Off to a chinlock for awhile but Koko comes back with a sleeper. Bradley escapes but the clock runs out in round 1 anyway. He jumps Koko between rounds and we hear from Mr. Hughes who says he’ll debut next week. Koko’s cross body misses and Bradley gets two. Ware goes up and hits an AWFUL looking missile dropkick for a close two. Ghostbuster gets the pin.

Rating: F. Koko looked old and fat here which is the exact opposite of what you’re looking for in a guy like him. Thankfully this show is almost over, because I don’t think I could take any more of this. The round system didn’t do anything here either as Bradley was out of the hold before the bell rang, so it didn’t mean anything.

Suave says he’s going to bring two more people here to take over. Valentine says he’s awesome and we’re done, thank goodness.

Overall Rating: F. I would usually try to come up with some catchy name or word for this, but this show was so boring that it drained the thinking out of me. The round system may sound interesting, but the problem is it doesn’t add or change anything. The matches are comprised of old guys that you knew at one point, but who now just look their age.

Also, most of these matches aren’t any good. The round idea just makes them last a minute longer which doesn’t make them interesting. The biggest problem though is the roster, as this is during the days of Nitro with a roster that would have been old in 1989. Nothing to see here and stay FAR away from this.

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All-American Wrestling
Date: March 31, 1985
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Jack Reynolds, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino

No Mercy 03 is downloading so here’s a show you don’t often see: it’s from Wrestlemania Sunday. Who knows when this was taped but it’s literally airing hours before the biggest show ever. This should be interesting as far as seeing what they say about the upcoming show. Other than that I don’t know what to expect but the matches are taped so it’s not like we’ll be missing much. Let’s get to it.

The theme song is very patriotic.

The featured match is the Bulldogs vs. Goulet/Barry O. I’m riveted to see that. Yep Gene is talking about Mania which is today at 1pm. He runs down the card for today and plugs Wrestlemania whenever he can.

British Bulldogs vs. Barry O/Rene Goulet

The announcer messes up Barry’s name by calling him Bobby. Dynamite and Barry start us off and Dynamite uses the speed to escape whatever is thrown at him. Off to Davey and this must be near their debut. Jesse says he’s never seen the Bulldogs before so you know it’s early in their run. Back to Davey who hooks a crucifix for two. Off to Goulet and both guys get missile dropkicks from Dynamite. Goulet hits a clothesline to bring in Barry. Davey cleans house and the Bulldogs use their stepping stone headbutt spot to pin Barry. BIG pop for the Bulldogs.

Rating: C+. Just a squash, but man the Bulldogs were great when they started out. They were pulling off stuff that had never been seen in America so everyone reacted to them very strongly. Dynamite was so far ahead of his time it’s unreal. Can you imagine him against Jericho or Mysterio in 1996? It would have been incredible.

UPDATE! With Lord Alfred Hayes. It’s about JYD who likes to dance with kids. Ok then.

Big John Studd vs. Jim Young

Studd has $15,000 cash and Andre the Giant’s hair. Young fails at a slam and the pain begins. Andre comes out and beats Studd up for the quick DQ.

Gene sums up the big matches for Mania.

Cyndi Lauper says her girl Wendi Richter will win the title back on Sunday.

Gene is on the phone with Liberace who wants to know where Orndorff gets his robes. He has to drop the call though to talk to the camera.

Mad Maxine vs. Susan Starr

Maxine is a freak with a green mowhawk and allegedly 6’4 but that looks like a stretch. Starr runs away a lot but they spend most of the time circling each other. Starr even gets a leg lock on her. Maxine shrugs it all off and hits a suplex for the pin. This was really bad.

Gene reminds us that you have to see Mania on closed circuit.

Off to Piper’s Pit with Orndorff and Orton. They make fun of the Mania poster. Mr. T. is called a souped up spider monkey and has a banana smeared over his face. Hogan gets an egg. Orton’s arm is still hurt. It’s a very slow healing injury you see.

Mr. T. and Hogan are in New York to train. They’re on a building somewhere but Mr. T. wants to go to Central Park and beat up muggers. And that’s just what they do. Well they go to Central Park and T gives him training in “street fighting”, which means running in place. They go to the gym to train to Eye of the Tiger and hit each other in the head while sitting on the floor with their legs interlocked. Then they get on a train while people cheer. Now they’re in MSG with a piece of wood on the floor. They fire each other up, and that’s it. This was out there man.

Gene talks about Mania some more.

Greg Valentine vs. Pete Pompeii

Bruno is alone on commentary and this is joined in progress. Oh thank goodness Vince jumps in. Valentine is IC Champion here but it’s non-title of course. This is a squash and Valentine pounds him down before hooking a chinlock. He hooks a quick half crab, drops a middle rope elbow, and finishes with the Figure Four.

Rating: D. Just a squash but a long one. That being said, we needed something longer than usual to fill in the time. Vince can’t pronounce the jobber’s name, calling him Pompell which is funny to me for some reason. Other than that, not much to see here but it’s a squash so what are you looking for?

Gene runs down the card again and brings in the US Express. Albano is here too and is clean shaven. He says they’ll win and keep the titles. The champs say the same.

Gene talks about Wrestlemania a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. You can’t complain much about the show because the majority of this was to talk about Wrestlemania. It’s a big commercial and to their credit, they hyped the show up pretty well. It’s still boring but they were trying at least which is really all you can ask for. Plus if its the day of the show and you have to go somewhere to see it, you’ll already know if you’re going or not by this point.

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Prime Time Wrestling
Date: April 9, 1985
Hosts: Jack Reynolds, Jesse Ventura
Commentators: Gorill Monsoon, Gene Okerlund

This is a different kind of wrestling show. The idea here is that the hosts sit in a studio and introduce matches to us. The matches would usually be from one house show that was filmed and then shown on programs like this. The most famous hosting duo for this was Gorilla and the Brain, producing some of the best banter you’ll ever hear. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately, this is the Jack Reynolds era. Reynolds is fine but he’s pretty generic.

Most of this show appears to be from the March 17, 1985 MSG show.

Charlie Fulton vs. Rocky Johnson

Fulton has a big beard and that’s about it. Rocky is apparently returning to the company here. He takes Fulton to the mat in a head scissors and speeds things up with something close to a nip up and some armdrags. Charlie gets in a few punches but Rocky rolls through some clotheslines and a BIG sunset flip wins it. The referee was way out of position just to tick off Gorilla.

Rating: C-. Rocky is a guy that the more I see of him the more I like him. He was really fun to watch and depending on who you believe, he might have been in line for Hogan’s push had Hogan not signed. Still though, not much here but Rocky didn’t have much to work with in Fulton.

Jesse says his headdress is a Manhattan golf hat for when he swings the clubs in Central Park.

Barry O vs. Rene Goulet

Speaking of not having much to work with, I get this match. The O is for Orton, as he’s Randy’s uncle. We talk about Wrestlemania which was two weeks after the airing of this MSG show. The show aired at 1pm which is so strange to hear in modern times. They go to the mat for some generic stuff. Barry controls with a headlock on the mat as the announcers ignore what’s going on. To be fair they’re talking about the main event of Wrestlemania so I can’t argue much.

Now he really cranks it up by putting Rene in an armbar. Rene comes back with his Claw. A Von Erich he is not. Barry slams him and Rene counters into a devastating headlock. The crowd completely turns on it due to the levels of boring this is hitting. Goulet knees him down but gets caught in a small package for the pin.

Rating: F. The audio and video messed up as I was watching it. Even the recording equipment knew that this match sucked. MSG was booing it and I can’t say I disagree at all. The mathc sucked as neither guy was doing anything past first gear in the entire thing. Why this needed nine minutes is beyond me.

The announcers talk about the upcoming matches. They do this between every match.

Jim Neidhart vs. SD Jones

Jones pulls the beard to start. Why don’t more people do that? What kind of a name is Special Delivery anyway? Is that supposed to be intimidating? Jones works on the arm as Neidhart can’t get out of it even with a slam. Neidhart clotheslines him on the top rope and hits a right hand. Gorilla wants a DQ for that punch. Jones shrugs off being rammed into the top rope. See he’s black, so he automatically has a hard head. Jones comes back with left hands which Gorilla has no comment about. He sends Neidhart into the corner but walks into a powerslam for the pin. One shoulder was clearly up but the referee was blinded by boredom.

Rating: D. Good grief these matches have SUCKED so far. No wonder the fans are getting sick of this show so far. Neidhart was actually a decent singles guy but his generic power game got lost in the shuffle with all the other power guys of this time. Putting him with Bret was the best thing they ever could have done.

Jesse thinks Bundy is the Burt Reynolds of wrestling. Ok then.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Terry Gibbs

This is the first match that wasn’t in order on the show. Gibbs jumps him to start and is promptly backdropped. Gorilla is alone on commentary here. Gibbs keeps pounding Ricky down but he’ll run every time Dragon comes back. This makes for a match that keeps starting and stopping. We get a chase around the apron and Ricky speeds things up with a chop. Gibbs hits an atomic drop but Steamboat comes back with a variety of chops and the cross body gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Can we get a single good match in this whole show? Or even a match that doesn’t make me want to go to bed? Steamboat is great of course but there’s not much he can do when he’s stuck in there with a guy like Terry Gibbs. This didn’t work well at all, much like the rest of the show so far.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Lumberjack match. This was the main event of the house show and is called the feature match here. There were other matches talked about to start the show but there’s no sign of them here. Then again, that’s probably a good thing. Greg is defending here. Tito explodes on him to start as is his custom. Valentine rolls to the floor in a daze but only Steamboat will throw him back in.

Back in Santana hits an atomic drop and knee lift. Valentine gets in a shot as Rocky Johnson gives Jimmy Hart the death stare. Tito hits a move called the Headknocker and Greg bails again. This time he winds up on the good guy side and is thrown back in. The crowd is really getting into this. Another knee lift gets two. Valentine gets more and more frustrated as no one will cut him a break but he’s scared to death of the fired up Tito.

Greg finally gets a boot up in the corner to take over. He pulls the hair a lot and slams Tito’s head into the mat for two. Greg works over the knee which he injured to take the title in the first place. He throws Tito to the floor a few times and then won’t let Santana back in. Hammer is getting warmed up now and slams in forearms to the chest. Knee drop gets two.

Being kind of an idiot, Valentine slaps Tito twice before going for the Figure Four. Santana rolls him up for one and it’s time to slug it out. Hammer puts him down and drops an elbow for two. Tito gets both feet up in the corner to put Greg down. Valentine is in trouble as JYD beats up someone on the floor. Tito sets up the Figure Four but Valentine rolls to the outside. Back in a forearm sets up the Figure Four but Greg makes the ropes. They slug it out and in a weak ending, Greg gets sent into the ropes and they hit heads. Both guys are out cold and Greg falls on top for the pin.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches that is almost impossible to screw up. These two had one of the greatest rivalries of the 80s and one of the best ever in company history. For some reason you never hear about it though. It’s probably due to Savage coming in and taking the title from Santana and dominating it for a year afterwards.

Overall Rating: D. The main event is good but OH MY GOODNESS did the stuff leading up to that suck. The rest of the house show sucked too so I can’t blame the fans for booing like they were. To be fair though, two weeks later they saw Wrestlemania so they can’t complain that much. Bad show here though.

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Starrcade 1983
Date: November 24, 1983
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 15,447
Commentators: Bob Caudle, Gordon Solie

So here we are at the real granddaddy of them all. This is before Hogan won the title and changed wrestling forever, as this is before PPV and nearly a year and a half before Wrestlemania and was shown on closed circuit instead. This is Starrcade.

The idea here is the original supershow, with all of the best talent from the NWA coming together for one mega blowout of a show with the headlining match being Ric Flair vs. Harley Race in a steel cage for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship, giving us the tag line of A Flare for the Gold. No one had ever dreamed of something like this being possible, but here it is.

This is pretty much all of the territories coming together in one place for one show to show off how amazing the NWA was and it worked at an amazing level. This is certainly in the category of shows that you have to see once in your life as a wrestling fan, so let’s do it.

There’s no traditional intro as it’s just the ring announcer saying this is Starrcade, which does indeed sound cool.

Russian Assassins vs. Rufus R. Jones/Bugsy McGraw

The Assassins are just known as one and two here, although two is more commonly known as Hercules, which is what I’ll be calling him. The others are more or less glorified jobbers. There really is no point to this match other than to have a tag match for the opener. I like their style if nothing else. The Assassins are in masks by the way, and Jones is the Mid-Atlantic champion. The ring and the arena are VERY retro looking.

McGraw is just a fat bald man. There really is no way to tell the heels apart. Gordon Solie is just sweet on the mic and I love it. McGraw is either completely insane or just stupid. Gordon butchers Schiavone’s name. I think Assassin 1 started but I’m not sure. Jones is kind of like Rocky Johnson: an over the top gyrating black man. He’s dancing all over the place and it looks completely stupid. He’s the freight train apparently. We keep hearing about McGraw’s education.

Better than his football background I suppose. The heels remind me of the Killer Bees. I think that’s bad though as they’re far from intimidating. This leg gyrating from Jones is annoying as any and goodness. The Assassin in there is fatter than should be allowed. Jones is just a disturbing looking man.

I think Hercules just came in but I’m not sure. I think McGraw is wrestling in slow motion. It’s odd looking. Jones does this weird thing where he uses both fists at once on a punch. Not bad I guess. And one of the Assassins rolls up McGraw for the pin. Well alright then.

Rating: D+. This was a weird match. It was like it was supposed to be a squash but they weren’t sure who was getting squashed. The Assassins were ok but the outfits were exactly alike and it’s so dark that it’s hard to tell who is who out there. The faces were….just bad.

I have no idea what the thought here was other than give two popular guys a match, which is what I think they did. I can’t find any story or history between these guys anywhere, so I think it was just thrown on to get the Mid-Atlantic champion on the card since this was in his territory, and that’s ok. The match still sucked beyond all belief though.

The announcers hype up the show and I bow to Gordon Solie. The guy is so clear and crisp that it’s amazing. He sounds like a news anchor like Walter Cronkite or something like that and it’s just awesome. Apparently Dusty is here tonight to challenge the winner of the match, because we can’t go one night without Dusty being on camera. You know, it’s the biggest show of all time, so Dusty has to be around at the end right?

We go to the back with Tony, for what is apparently a first. Yes, this is allegedly the debut of the locker room interview. In something that is a sign of the times, we see Flair in the background explaining something to someone whose face we can’t see. As Tony is explaining what would become a staple of wrestling, the man stands up and it’s Roddy Piper. He’s just a young face back then but this would be one of his biggest matches ever so that would change everything for him.

Johnny Weaver/Scott McGhee vs. Kevin Sullivan/Mark Lewin

This has a 45 minute time limit? Really? This more or less is the same thing as the previous match but without a regular tag team in the Assassins. Weaver is a veteran here and more or less a jobber to the stars. He’s most famous for being the first guy to use a move called the Weaver Lock, which is more commonly known as the sleeper. Kevin Sullivan is up from Florida where he was doing a satanic thing with Lewin, who was known as the Purple Haze there.

See what I have to work with here? Lewin does this weird dancing thing that’s just annoying as all goodness. McGhee never did anything of note in his career. Weaver just looks old. Oddly enough McGhee is maybe the best in here. He’s very crisp and good in the ring which is a nice surprise. Caudle is just going over the card and not really talking about the match at all which is usually a telling sign.

Apparently there’s a rule that says your arm has to be through the ropes instead of over it for a tag. That’s most interesting and I’ve never heard of that but that works I guess. Lewin is freaking built. He has a devastating hand on the back of McGhee’s neck. The heels are completely dominating here and it’s not even close. And then after Weaver is in there for awhile, the heels work the arm.

Lewin goes up and drops a knee on the arm…for the pin. Now THAT is something you wouldn’t see ever again I wouldn’t think. Post match the heel manager gives Lewin something and he stabs the faces with it, drawing some good blood from McGhee. King Kong Mosca, a freaking monster, comes in for the save after getting beaten up a bit too.

Rating: D. Again this wasn’t much at all. It just wasn’t that interesting and there was more or less no story at all. The heels winning twice in a row isn’t the best idea I don’t think either, as it kind of takes the life away from the crowd. It was boring as all goodness too with the arm thing coming from beyond left field. I have no clue what they were going for here but it failed. The wrestling is ok I guess, but it just wasn’t working at all.

There are very limited transitions between the matches as one guy is leaving and the other referee comes in for the next match. It’s just different to say the least. It’s not bad or anything but just odd. There’s no music either and it’s very different.

A woman announcer is with a family from South Carolina who are the epitomes of country hicks. They say Flair will win. WWE needs to do more stuff like that today: interacting with fans. It took maybe 10 seconds and the fans got into the show. That’s just fun.

Tony is in the heel locker room with Harley Race, the Briscos and Greg Valentine: the World Champion, the tag champions and the US Champion. Good night that’s a ton of talent in there. Race says that even though he hates being in Greensboro, he’s ready as his friends have been filling him in on Flair’s weaknesses.

That was a big part of the match and show: Race is in Flair’s backyard for this match so he thinks it’s unfair. More or less Flair is about as clear of a winner as Austin was vs. Shawn at Mania 14, but that’s fine sometimes as it’s about the moment instead of the match itself.

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Carlos Colon

Sixty minute time limit here again. This is a match that was banned in Puerto Rico so we’re doing it here in America instead. Colon is more commonly known as Carlito and Primo’s father and about as big of an attention hog as Jerry Lawler in Memphis. Butcher is the epitome of a journeyman who would go around the world wrestling in territories at a time but never staying around long enough to be thought of as boring.

He was the first WWC Champion in Puerto Rico, which was rather surprising actually. I think Solie coins the Wild Man from the Sudan name here. We get the fork about 10 seconds into the match so they’re not waiting at all. To give a little context to this, Carlito was six here and Primo was less than a year old during this match.

I could listen to Gordon talk all day. This is just a brawl for the most part with mainly punches and headbutts. Colon gets a really bad figure four on but Abdullah’s manager hits him to break up the hold and give Butcher the pin. The man was more commonly known as Hugo Savinovich, or the commentator for the Spanish broadcast table.

Rating: D. This was just a brawl, but at less than five minutes we just didn’t have enough to get anything going. It’s fine I guess, but with four minutes and nothing but punches and headbutts, I can’t get into something like that. This would have been a lot better with no rules and maybe 5 to 8 more minutes, but in this form it wasn’t working.

We go to the back with Mosca who has his arm taped. He’s refereeing the tag title match for no apparent reason but that’s apparently already been determined. His voice is just funny as he sounds like a combination of Vito Corleone and Jerry Stiller from King of Queens. He says Flair is completely ready and picks him for the winner. The absolutely HILARIOUS part here though is that he goes on this rant against the heels earlier, saying that’s not needed in wrestling. That’s all fine and good.

He goes on a rant about how he fights for young people everywhere. Odd again but that works I guess as he’s starting a feud I guess with the heels from earlier. What cracks me up is we pan to the ring and McGhee from earlier is sitting there bleeding from the head and looking completely unconscious while Mosca has his arm wrapped up and a towel on him. It looks completely hilarious and like something out of an SNL skit. It’s great stuff indeed.

The woman from earlier is with two more fans who say they both think Flair wins tonight. Again, what’s so hard about doing this?

Wahoo McDaniel/Mark Youngblood vs. Dick Slater/Bob Orton

In a moment that I freaking want to scream because of, we get the introductions and the ring announcer leaves. All of a sudden he’s talking again and after a quick microphone issue, he announces that Dusty Rhodes is here! OH GIVE ME A BREAK YOU FAT TUB OF GOO! Seriously, after three matches with a limited story to no story at all, we get to a match that actually has a backstory that the people would more than likely want to see.

In other words, we’re past the fluff matches and can get to the meat of the show, meaning that the show is likely going to pick up the pace a bit here. That’s a good thing right? I would certainly think so. However, since we’re improving things, we CLEARLY need Dusty here. The guy isn’t even wrestling here tonight but he has to inject himself in the very end of the show so he’s the last thing people remember.

Dusty was a great talker, but he couldn’t wrestle to save his life, so instead he jumps…no that would require moving. He latches on with the teeth that have never met a cupcake they could resist “putting over” (read as devour and suck the life out of) to matches that are going to be far better than his so that his name is associated with them, so that later on people think of a good match like this one and associate it with Rhodes. That’s just pathetic and makes HHH and Shawn’s antics look like Mother freaking Teresa. In case you can’t tell, I FREAKING HATE DUSTY RHODES.

Anyway, back to the match. The story here is simple: Race had put a bounty out on Flair. Whoever could put him out of the sport would get $25,000 cash. Orton and Slater gave Flair a spike piledriver and collected the money. Flair came back with a ball bat and said he was going to kill them and then get back in the title hunt, which tonight is the culmination of. Youngblood and McDaniel are Flair’s friends and told him to worry about Race and they’ll take care of Orton and Slater, leading us here.

See what a story can do for you? Mark is Jay Youngblood’s brother who you will see later on. Amazingly Orton’s arm is perfectly fine. McDaniel is one of the toughest wrestlers and athletes in wrestling history. He had all of four moves, but he had charisma to burn. He gets a hot tag and the crowd is on fire. He chops the heck out of the heels but gets taken down to more or less change places with Youngblood.

Wahoo and Slater fight on the floor with nothing at all going on. This is formula based stuff but it’s fast paced and the crowd is responding to it so I’m happy with that. In the ring we get the superplex from Orton for the pin. These endings have no heat but I think that’s a cultural thing. The crowd is definitely into the show though. Post match the heels try to hurt Wahoo’s arm to great heat.

Rating: C+. Like I said it was a formula based match which is fine. It worked pretty well I thought but it was decent enough stuff. It’s the first match with a story behind it which helps a lot as well. We have a reason to care about it and you want to see the heels get their comeuppance. However, for the fourth straight match the faces loses, which makes me question the booking. To be fair though, there were only two matches that really mattered here and this was just an appetizer, so I think it’s ok.

Tony is with Flair, Steamboat and Jay Youngblood. They all say that they’re ready. Jay mentions that all of them have been in the gym training. That’s something that’s taken for granted: the insane training that these people have to do. Considering the insane travel schedule, it’s very impressive that they manage to get in the gym for obviously hours a day and work themselves into great shape. That really is impressive.

Dusty is at ringside and talks about wanting a title shot at the winner. They mess up the audio though so we have to hear Gordon say he’s talking about history. See, even God doesn’t want to hear from Dusty’s fatness. Oh apparently the Common man can’t stay in the fans and has to go back to his box. Oh come on now.

TV Title vs. Mask: Great Kabuki vs. Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown is Jimmy Valiant in a mask. It’s a Mr. America kind of deal where it’s obviously him but he’s trying to be funny or something. The modern equivalent would be Paul Burchill from a few weeks ago for you people that don’t get my six year old reference. This is an interesting concept as the TV Title has very short, as in about 15 minutes long, time limits, but this goes for sixty.

The idea is that the match can go up to that long, but if the match goes over 15, the title can’t change hands and the mask can’t be lost. I actually like that. It keeps the match from going to the annoying time limit and we’re more or less guaranteed to have a winner. I like that a lot. Kabuki is a somewhat stereotypical Japanese wrestler, although he invented the green mist of death and pain. Valiant looks like Santa Claus.

The mask covers about half of his face so it’s pretty freaking dumb but whatever. Valiant is beating the tar out of the champion, which makes perfect sense. He throws on the absolute weakest and worst sleeper I’ve ever seen. It looks like something you would put on your friend in seventh grade. Now apparently the sleeper was invented in the Orient. Keep your freaking stories straight.

Ok now we hit sleeper number twp and it’s somehow even worse. Valiant is one of those guys that’s all flash and more or less no skill at all. Oh look it’s a claw from Kabuki to just suck the freaking life out of this match even more, because we’re six minutes in so we clearly need rest hold number three. Oh look Valiant is no selling and dancing. There’s claw number two. Seriously, this has been eighty percent rest holds.

What I want to know: WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY RESTING FROM??? I really hate wrestlers that get up after being in a finishing hold for like two minutes on nothing but “adrenaline” or whatever. Oh for the love of pizza it’s the THIRD CLAW OF THE MATCH. Make that four. He keeps breaking it for a short comeback or more offense and then we go back to the claw. Holds like that are one thing, but mix it up a bit I beg of you.

Oh apparently the mask can’t be removed until the match ends. That’s stupid but whatever. They’re back up now so I’m a bit happier I suppose. And then Valiant hits some punches, Kabuki misses a charge in the corner and an elbow drop ends it. Seriously, it was just a regular elbow drop and nothing more.

Dude, is it that hard to get something like, oh I don’t know, ANYTHING BUT A FREAKING ELBOW DROP?? That gets the TV Title, which he would vacate in a few months anyway, more than likely so he wouldn’t have to job.

Rating: F. Seriously, we had a ten minute match and NINE rest holds. There is just no validation for that and both guys are guilty of it. And also, a freaking elbow? I know it’s 1983, but dude, you can’t use a splash or a piledriver?

A radio show host says Flair will win. Solie is just freaking awesome and has a great look. He just looks and feels like an announcer. He and Caudle, who is fine in his own right, run down the rest of the card.

Slater, Race and Orton are in the back and talk about Flair and the bounty. I see why this is the first time I’ve ever heard Slater talk.

Since it’s been fifteen minutes, it must be DUSTY TIME!!! Yes, he’s here AGAIN to talk about what he wants to do after the match is over, because we can’t just have the match itself and the big ending with Flair winning the title in a big emotional moment end the show. That’s blasphemy, BLASPHEMY I TELL YOU!!!

Greg Valentine vs. Roddy Piper

This is the famous collar match, which for a very long time after this was considered the most brutal match in wrestling history. Now this is billed as being for the US Title which Valentine holds, but for no reason that I’ve been able to find other than the gimmick being added, it’s sometime later changed to be non title, so despite the ending with Piper winning which I’m relatively sure isn’t much of a spoiler, he wouldn’t win the title for about another sixteen years.

I never quite got that but it didn’t matter much anyway as Slater would get the belt about three weeks after this and Piper would be working for Vince by the end of the year, or less than five weeks after this. He actually worked for both companies at the same time for awhile, which is unheard of really. This is a rematch from April when Valentine took the belt from Piper because he badly injured Piper’s ear, resulting in Piper being legitimately 75% deaf in it which I don’t think ever healed.

They’re tied around the neck with this huge chain which looks awesome. It’s pinfall to win here so that opens up the doors for a lot of violence. They immediately start by just pulling their heads back and having a tug of war, which really is a good looking visual. They’re starting very slowly here but it’s a slow build which is usually the best thing you can do.

They both get lengths of the chain together and whip each other with it which has to hurt badly. This is a blood feud so it’s working very well as far as atmosphere goes. Valentine gets Piper down by going for the ear and then wraps the chain around Piper’s eyes. That is not only dangerous but it looks awesome. You have to remember there’s nothing to go on here as this is really the first big time gimmick match other than a cage in the mainstream.

You would have things at house shows but it would never be seen otherwise. Piper gets control and wraps the chain around his mouth like a gag which also looks awesome. Piper wraps the chain around the post so Greg is more or less tied to the corner. They’re doing a ton of cool spots and ideas here. That almost always makes a match like this better. Valentine is busted.

Piper is just beating the tar out of him but Valentine gets a shot to the ear and Piper is in trouble. Either Piper’s ear is legitimately hurt or he’s the best acting wrestler of all time. The thing about an injury like that is that it’s very easy to be legitimately hurt with something like that. Oh man he’s bleeding bad from the ear. In case you can’t tell, this match is AWESOME.

For those of you that might have been wondering, when I said suplay in OCW for suplex, that’s something I stole from Solie who used it here. This is a very stiff match with them beating the heck out of each other. Valentine goes up top and Piper pulls him down and just GOES NUTS on him with shot after shot and it’s epic. Valentine comes back with shots to the ear so Piper just starts throwing punches, and I don’t mean wrestling punches.

He’s throwing jab after jab to the nose of Valentine and it looks great. Valentine drops a knee after a choke and Piper keeps kicking out at one which is a great screw you to Valentine. Just as I say that, Solie says that Piper might be winning the psychological battle. We get a suplex and both guys are just out of it. Valentine hits a sleeper which makes sense here given how tired they are and the blood loss, unlike in the previous match where it was put on three minutes into the match.

Valentine goes up to the middle rope but Piper pulls him down and just goes the heck off on him, beating the living crap out of him with it and tying his legs together for the pin. Post match Piper is congratulated as Solie says that wasn’t for the title. Then Valentine just lays a freaking beating on him with the chain and the fans freak out. This was AWESOME.

Rating: A. This was a great match and a great fight. It was completely violent and they beat the living tar out of each other here, which is all you could ask for. Piper got his revenge for the blowoff, but both guys would be gone within just a few months if not weeks to Vince, which is ok. Either way, this was great and is well worth going out of your way to see.

The announcers talk about the match while we scrape Piper off the mat.

Tony is with Flair for the second time tonight as he plays messenger boy for Flair and Race. Flair says he’s ready and thanks Wahoo for helping him, saying that tonight it’s Flair and Race and no help for Race in the cage. That’s simple but effective. Wahoo who is next to him says he thinks Flair will win.

That woman is with Don Kernoodle, who was Sgt. Slaughter’s old partner and he also says Flair wins tonight.

Tag Titles; Jay Youngblood/Ricky Steamboat vs. Brisco Brothers

Yes this is Jerry the Stooge Brisco, Mosca from earlier is referee here, wearing a PWI shirt which is odd to see. The faces are WAY over. Jerry stands on the top rope for some reason for his intro. Steamboat and Youngblood are four time champions so this isn’t exactly a first time thing. The Briscos got the titles from them which isn’t mentioned for no apparent reason. Youngblood and Steamboat look a lot alike as do the champions so this could get confusing.

Good freaking night Steamboat is freaking amazing. Solie shows why he’s awesome by saying Jack will be pondering Steamboat after he tags out. That’s just epic. The champions ha been trying to get out of this match as the heels. It’s so weird to see Jerry as a legit wrestler here. In something that might be scary, Youngblood might be as good if not better than Steamboat.

It’s like Capotelli and Morrison in my eyes, as Youngblood would pass away in about two years after having an injury in the ring and his heart messing up because of it. I think he was like 33 or something like that so he would have been around at least another ten years or so. The Briscos really are solid in the ring. Steamboat kills the credibility of Davey Boy Smith by doing the arm lock lift up on Jerry without much of a problem, so there goes that move.

The Briscos use more suplexes than the Steiners. Spellcheck HATED that sentence. Jerry shows his intelligence by shoving a man called King Kong. The challengers just go off on Jerry, finishing him with a gorilla press from Steamboat to Youngblood into a splash. The heels beat up Steamboat after the match ends. Jerry jumps off the top and Mosca just catches him. That never gets old at all. The crowd popped like a cherry for that.

Rating: B. This was by far the best tag match of the night as they used the Midnight Rock N Roll formula before it actually existed so that’s always cool. This worked very well though and they beat the tar out of each other. When Jack Brisco might be the third of fourth best wrestler in a match, it has to be good.

The celebration goes on forever…and we go to the credits? Yeah, in a weird thing, they actually read the credits to us before the main event, which is just stupid, since there’s now far less energy in the show as we had to take time out to do that for no apparent reason.

Tony is with Flair AGAIN but doesn’t say anything this time. Instead he’s standing next to him and Charlie Brown comes in and is very happy and says this is for Jimmy Valiant. I hate gimmicks like this. Piper shows up and says it’s not over with Valentine. Actually it was. Steamboat and Youngblood show up after Piper leaves and say that they’re happy with being five time champions which I think is a record at the time. They talk about how they know what it takes to be champions. If that’s the case, why did you lose the belts four times now?

The announcers kill more time.

NWA World Title: Harley Race vs. Ric Flair

Gene Kiniski is the referee which hasn’t been mentioned until just now. Flair’s entrance is freaking huge with lights and music which no one else has had all night. Considering Race’s takes all of a minute, the fact that the intros and introductions take eight minutes says a heck of a lot I’d think. Race is a seven time champion here and Flair is a two time champion, so it’s not like this was some big Austin moment for him but rather an epic showdown moment.

The cage more or less looks like it’s just a fence that’s really tall, as in it looks really cheap. It has no roof on it but apparently no one can get in. In case you didn’t get it, Race was scared of Flair and paid people to hurt him but Flair came back and got the shot here. This is Race’s last hurrah as champion or meaning much of anything in the ring as he never got past the midcard in the WWF. Kiniski, in a cage match, warns people about punches, in a cage match.

Allow me to emphasize that this is in a cage match. Like I said, this isn’t really much in doubt but it’s the road of getting there that makes it important and cool. This starts off as a wrestling match that just happens to be in a cage. For some reason the ring seems bigger in this match which makes no sense. Flair works a headlock for a LONG time. Solie points out that in a football game there’s about 14 minutes of actual game played, which is a very interesting stat indeed.

Race takes over and hits a piledriver but Flair’s hair makes it an average move at best. Race stays in control for a long time and keeps arguing with Kiniski. Flair keeps making small comebacks but they don’t last long which is a standard of good matches. Both guys are bleeding as the cage starts coming into play and we get a WOO! He gets the figure four but the ropes get Race out of it.

Kiniski needs to sit down. He’s gotten involved WAY too much here and it’s just annoying and distracting. It’s about the wrestlers, not the referee. Race takes over again as we’re going for the long….Kiniski grabs Race by the FREAKING HAIR and pulls him away. This is reaching Art Donovan levels of annoyingness. They are just bleeding everywhere. Solie of course sounds like he’s ordering dinner.

Race finally just has enough of Kiniski and headbutts him “by mistake”. I think that might have been a shoot. Flair goes up while Kiniski is on all fours (where’s Sheik when you need him to humble someone?) as Flair comes off with a cross body. The idea was Race tripping over Kiniski for the pin, but Kiniski was WAY out of position so Race misses by about a foot which isn’t his fault as he has to pay attention to the 6’2 240lb man jumping off the top rope at him.

The pin is supposed to be Race just barely not able to kick out, so Kiniski, the greatness that he is, counts like he got run over by a train so Race looks completely freaking stupid. Solie says Flair has done what many people believed to be impossible, even though only the fat load himself was the only person to say he would lose. The faces storm the ring to celebrate.

Rating: A. This was a great old school fight that was given time to flesh itself out and it worked really well. Flair winning was a given, but they made it look good once they were in there so that’s all I ask. It’s a cool moment. Screw that. It’s a legendary moment and has been on a ton of highlight reels.

This was the perfect ending and it works every time, other than that moron Kiniski messing things up and trying to steal the spotlight and make himself important when most people there didn’t know who he was more than likely.

Flair puts the belt on with every face worth anything out there. Mosca just throws Flair on his shoulders and walks him around the ring. That’s just awesome. And he’s still in the ring five minutes later. Oh Flair has a mic. Flair thanks the fans and makes this the first of the greatest nights in his life, of which he would have about 10 over the years.

All the faces leave and we go to the announcers to wrap things up as we talk about Dusty of course, linking him with the other two champions because he’s Dusty and he’ll eat them if they don’t do it.

For the FOURTH time tonight, Tony is with Flair again. He thanks everyone again, mainly Steamboat who comes up to thank him. Champagne starts flowing and here’s Dusty who says he wants a title shot and completely killing the moment because he just has to do that. Bear with me for a moment here as I need to say something.

Dusty Rhodes

You are a worthless human being. You’re so fat that it has taken over the pitiful little thing you like to call a mind and has made you believe that since it’s the only thing you see in a mirror in the morning, you’re all that matters. GET THE HECK OVER YOURSELF. You could talk very well. Flair could talk very well and wrestle even better. You were booker here so you insisted on taking away a great moment from a better wrestler in Ric Flair and you should get raped by an ostrich for it.

To be fair though you wouldn’t notice because the gravitational force of your stomach would suck the thing inside of you. It always had to be about you with Bunkhouse Stampede being a PPV that you designed to make yourself look good. Dusty, no one cared but you. You managed to bring Ric Flair down to a level that no one else could because it had to be about you. You talk with that stupid and annoying country accent and add if you will to every line you say.

Well I have a will also. My will is that you get over yourself. I would say around yourself but at 21 years old I don’t have 45 years to spare which is how long it takes to walk around that planet you call a stomach. You are a waste of air and need to stay far away from anyone else with talent because you might think they’re a big cookie and eat them.

You have managed to ruin more moments and matches than anyone I would have thought possible and you are the worst thing to happen to wrestling in a very long time. I hope you enjoy your life as you’ve certainly managed to ruin enough wrestling moments in everyone else’s thanks to your ridiculous ego.

Ok back now I think.

We go back to the announcers who talk about Dusty’s moment because he’ll eat them if they don’t. We talk EVEN MORE about Flair and how awesome he is and how Race is awesome too.

We go back to Race who says he’s done it 7 times and he’ll do it an 8th time and he’ll beat Dusty Rhodes who he of course has to mention and he’ll beat Flair in a match where he doesn’t have a ton of advantages. Race says he’s not going away, but he actually did. He had a three day reign in New Zealand that isn’t acknowledged by the NWA but other than that he was done.

Ok seriously, WE HAVE SEEN ENOUGH FLAIR, but we get a fifth, count it fifth interview with Tony and Flair as he and the tag champions say they’re the best.

The announcers repeat themselves for the 20th time to finally end this. There was almost 20 minutes of interviews to close that show.

Overall Rating: B. Now before Lariat tries to kill me, a few notes. First of all, this is very subjective as I’m grading it like any other show and not for what it is: the very first of its kind. The opening half is rather poor but the last three matches more than make up for it. This is the living definition of a show that you have to see once as a fan so the recommendation is about as much of a given as you could ask for.

Even graded on a regular scale it’s a great show and for the first of its kind, this would be an easy A at worst. They had zero idea what they were doing here but it worked very well and set the standard for a big show until Wrestlemania came a year and a half later. Definitely check this out at some point but watch Piper and Valentine for sure as it’s amazing. Great show.