This contains a spoiler for this week’s Smackdown and next week’s Raw.At the moment, the WHC picture is a mess with no sign of any structure or semblance of a story.  Del Rio lost clean to Orton last week, beat Sheamus this week, and is going to beat Van Dam and lose to Christian on the next two TV shows.  So far these matches are totally random and seem to have no build to anything.  Odds are we’ll get a multi man match for the title at Summerslam, but with the matches just happening with no consequences, it makes the title look worthless.  Del Rio is just thrown out there and loses most of the time, but we’re supposed to still care about his title defenses.

Short version: quit having your champion wrestle random matches and lose most of them.

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 13, 2006
Location: Sovereign Bank Arena, Trenton, New Jersey
Attendance: 5,100
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

So this is the debut of ECW on Sci-Fi which I found online out of boredom. Since I’m getting dangerously close to the end of the ECW PPVs, I figured I’d do the first and last shows of ECW on Sci-Fi and TNN just for the heck of it. This show is considered a miserable failure so let’s find out why. The main event is a battle royal to determine who fights Cena at Vengeance. ECW came back officially two days before this so it’s brand new and this is the big debut. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the second One Night Stand which was where the If Cena Wins We Riot sign debuted. Cena says he’ll be on ECW tonight, thereby killing ECW on its opening night. This was supposed to be the real ECW but you could tell that was never going to happen a few seconds after it debuted.

Heyman opens us up here and brings out RVD. They even have the hole in the brick wall entryway. RVD is WWE Champion here, having won it two nights ago. His voice reminds me of a less depressed Vin Diesel for some reason. They keep saying he’s the champion without saying WWE. Heyman declares him the ECW World Champion. Taz says no one knows what RVD is feeling. I think that should say no one knows why RVD never won the title in the original ECW. He says he’s just going to defend both titles. Van Dam wants the other one because it spins.

And here’s the #1 contender: Edge. Edge is ok because he could have made it in the original ECW I think. He cost Cena the title at Vengeance so he’s WAY over. Edge spears him after complimenting him. He goes through the crowd and Cena is behind him. RVD and Cena fight over who gets to beat up Edge. This of course allows Edge to escape. And remember, this is ECW. Pay no attention to the argument going on over the WWE Title with WWE guys.

After a house show ad, Heyman gives a speech to the locker room and says they’re invading Raw on Monday. You know it might work better if you didn’t say it on national TV.

The Zombie vs. The Sandman

And this right here is where ECW died completely. Since they could only get on Sci-Fi, they tried to get more sci-fi stuff on the show, hence this. And cue Sandman to not Metallica. Styles and Taz don’t even try to take this seriously. This is like a bad indy show joke or something. Sandman canes the heck out of him to a great pop and the White Russian Leg Sweep ends this in like 10 seconds. Dust flew off of Zombie. No rating obviously.

Kelly is an exhibitionist and wants to take off all of her clothes.

DX is coming back. On ECW. Shoot me. Better yet shoot Heyman as he doesn’t deserve this.

We see the whole Taz destroying King match from the PPV two days ago. It’s a 30 second squash but we see the whole thing, including intros.

Kurt Angle vs. Justin Credible

Angle would be in TNA later this year so what does that tell you about their luck? He had been the big guy sent to ECW to make them credible which to be fair is a good idea since he was in ECW before he was in WWE if you squint really hard when you look at it. Also his personality fits for ECW so it’s not that much of a stretch. Angle of course destroys Justin by throwing him all over the place and treating him like a video game character. Justin shoves him and Angle hits something close to the Tazmission to make him tap in maybe 90 seconds, which is somehow the longest match of the night, tripling the second place offering so far. No rating again obviously. He calls out Orton for a rematch at Vengeance.

Heyman says he’s throwing out everything he had planned and we’re having an extreme battle royal for the shot against Cena at Vengeance.

Read the Rise and Fall of ECW.

An unnamed character (Kevin Thorn) looks up at the ECW sign as Joey and Tazz say he couldn’t be what they think he is (vampire).

Kelly comes out to strip for us. She only has one name so far. She gets down to her underwear and unhooks her bra and puts her hands over her chest and leaves. Was there a point to that at all?

Extreme Battle Royal

Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Big Guido, Little Guido, Stevie Richards, Big Show, Roadkill, Danny Doring, Al Snow, Tony Mamaluke, Balls Mahoney

So despite Heyman saying 10 there are 11. Sure why not. The weapons are all on the floor which completely goes against the logic of a battle royal. Balls has a bad cover of AC/DC. Show has hair here. That’s not something I’m used to. Wait didn’t he get his head shaved before this? Everyone runs from Show and it’s almost impossible to keep track of who is eliminated and who is just running. Roadkill takes a fallaway slam and we go to a break. No one has been eliminated since they all went through the ropes. We get some token weapons shots and I want this to end.

Taz tries to play this off as being more extreme than anything else and I feel sorry for him. Sabu sets up a table. Everyone jumps Show and it does nothing at all. Show puts out Snow. And Doring. Uh Richards too. Might as well say Roadkill too. Balls Mahoney is number five. This is all in a row so I’m not skipping anything. Dreamer goes after Show with something made of metal and of course it does jack. He goes through a table on the floor. It’s Show, the FBI and Sabu. Show puts all three of the non-fake Arabians out in about 45 seconds and then Sabu hits him while he’s on the ropes to win it.

Rating: F. Oh sweet mama this was bad. Show literally eliminated everyone other than Sabu in less than 4 minutes. There’s domination and then there’s this. One of the worst battle royals ever to fittingly close out one of the worst hours ever.

Overall Rating: G. This is one of those weird shows that actually goes beyond failing and blazes new territory. Other than the main event if you want to call it that, the longest match was less than 100 seconds long. One match had a zombie and one was from a PPV so it wasn’t even new. They had no freaking clue what they were doing with this and it showed badly. They more or less redid the whole thing the next week when this bombed so terribly. Not even worth it for the historical value. Terrible show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Born To Be Wired
Date: August 9, 1997
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Joey Styles

This isn’t a PPV but it’s the next big show after Barely Legal. We have a main event of Terry Funk defending the world title against Sabu in a pretty famous barbed wire match. On top of that there isn’t anything of note on the card but then again it’s ECW so a lot of the card was probably announced an hour before the bell. Let’s get to it.

Little Guido vs. Pablo Marquez

No intro here and we jump right into the match. This is the home video version so I have no idea what’s going to be cut and what isn’t. Guido is part of the FBI and Marquez is a guy from Ecuador. Before the match, fellow FBI guy Tommy Rich, says that Guido is an F’n Beautiful Intelligent man. Thanks for that Tommy. The fans chant homosexual insults at Guido and the camera work is awful as it can barely stay on the guys.

Marquez ranas Guido to the floor and there’s a big suicide dive. Back in and Pablo springboards into a clothesline for two as Guido takes over. I forgot how annoying I found Joey’s commentary with how much he says exactly what’s going on in the match and offers nothing more. Marquez gets sent to the apron and hits a springboard missile dropkick for two. A suplex gets the same for Guido and Marquez hits a Russian legsweep for two.

Guido works on the leg (notice how fast this is changing momentum) but Marquez comes back with a sunset flip and clothesline for no cover. Marquez sends him to the floor and botches a dive, resulting in him just grazing Guido with his feet. Back in and Pablo dives on the FBI, resulting in Rich hitting him in the back with a flag for the pin by Guido.

Rating: C-. This was your usual fast paced opener but it was a total spotfest with the lack of selling driving me crazy as usual. Marquez was around for awhile in ECW and he didn’t ever get much higher on the card than this. Guido and the FBI would stick around for years, all the way up to the end of the company. The idea of the opener here was fine but the execution didn’t work at all.

Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli

Since this is the home video, they cut from the end of one match to the start of another which is a nice perk. Louie slams him around a few times and they stand around a lot. Mikey speeds things up a bit and slams Louie so much that Louie crotches himself on the post. A Stunner, the move which Mikey kind of might have invented, drops Mikey here and Louie takes over. The fans swear at Spicolli like they did to Guido early but that’s normal for them.

An enziguri takes Mikey down for two and it’s off to the chinlock. This is already in the same problematic area that a lot of ECW shows get into: There’s no story to it (at least that we’re told) so it’s just a match for the sake of having a match. That’s fine when you have guys that can tear the house down, but Mikey Whipwreck vs. Louie Spicolli isn’t exactly Austin vs. Rock you know?

Mikey comes back with a rana but the second is countered into a powerbomb for two. Spicolli misses a Swanton and Mikey speeds things up, only to get sent to the floor. Mikey whips Louie into the barricade and hits a HUGE dive from inside, crashing his legs into the railing in the process. Back inside and a top rope rana gets the pin for Whipwreck.

Rating: C. Better than the opener because Mikey is a lot better than Guido or Marquez. Louie is a guy who was just kind of around for awhile and then he wasn’t anymore. He left for WCW in a month or so. Then he died in February due to a drug overdose. The match was nothing of note for the most part and it might have been Spicolli’s last ECW match.

Spike Dudley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This is before the Giant Killer phase for Spike. Spike beats up a chair before the match due to reasons of drugs. We’re eight days from Hardcore Heaven and we’re told that we’ll learn Bigelow’s opponent later in the hour. Bigelow asks the fans what section he should throw Spike into. Spike grabs a leg which gets him nowhere at all. Well scratch that as it gets him launched halfway across the ring and through the air.

Bigelow picks Spike up again and teases the fans about throwing him into the crowd but just drops him down instead. A BIG suplex puts Spike down and Dudley sells like only he can. The guy can’t do much because of his size but he’s great at looking like a rag doll. Spike gets posted and he’s busted open. Bigelow splashes him in the corner but the moonsault misses. Spike fires away with a bunch of forearms which finally drop Bigelow for two. The Acid Drop is blocked as Bigelow launches Spike to the mat. Spike hits Bigelow low and hooks a victory roll for the shocking upset.

Rating: D+. This is Heyman 101: when a guy is a huge underdog, he’ll get slaughtered for almost all of the match and then hit one move out of nowhere for the pin. Watch ECW and see how many times you get that exact ending. Spike would wind up as a kind of a cult favorite (inside the cult that was ECW) and he would be the opponent at Hardcore Heaven, where Bigelow MASSACRED him.

Chris Candido vs. Chris Chetti

Blast it now I can’t use two names for each guy. Chetti is billed as The Rookie here, which he would be for like two years. Feeling out process to start with Candido taking him down in a rollup for two. Chetti hits some armdrags into an armbar to take over as things slow down a bit. Candido comes back with rapid fire punches to take over in the corner but Chetti fires right back with some of his own.

Chetti hits a cross body out of the corner for two as again there’s no story to this match at all. Back to the armbar (Candido: “HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!”) as things slow down again. Candido hooks a rana to put both guys on the floor and Chetti gets posted. Back in and Candido hits a middle rope legdrop for two. Off to a chinlock which is one of the last things they should have done here.

The fans want Taz who was feuding with Candido at this point and would have a great match with him at the PPV. Candido suplexes him down and does Taz’s pose. A top rope sunset flip gets two for Candido and it’s back to the chinlock. Candido spits at him and they slug it out, won by the non-rookie.

Chetti hits a German suplex for two and a dropkick takes Candido down. Chetti powerslams him down but doesn’t cover, instead misses a flipping legdrop off the top. Candido goes up and gets crotched, resulting in a superplex for two for Chetti. Cnadido powerbombs him down and a double underhook superplex pins the Rookie.

Rating: C+. Another match with no story to it and in this case there was even less of a doubt as to who was going to win given how Joey kept hyping up Taz vs. Candido at the PPV. Chetti was doing fine here but he was in over his head with Candido, who was one of the top guys ECW had.

Here’s Shane Douglas to run his mouth about Terry Funk and wanting the world title. If Funk survives tonight, Shane gets the title match at Hardcore Heaven. If Sabu wins, Shane wants a title match at Hardcore Heaven. Shane talks about how a few years ago they got ECW noticed with a match called the Extreme Three Way Dance, so how about a rematch for the title at the PPV? I always found the original overrated. It just wasn’t nearly what they made it out to be.

Lance Storm vs. Shane Douglas

Gee I wonder who’s going to win. Storm has a tiny blonde ponytail at this point. Shane is the leader of the Triple Threat and at some point Storm wanted to be a member but only made it to the prospect level. Feeling out process to start with Storm taking Shane to the mat by the arm. Storm chops away and it’s back to the arm. A superkick puts Douglas down and a botched Francine distraction allows Lance to get a rollup for two.

Shane hot shots Storm and stomps away in the corner. With Storm seated in the corner, Douglas baseball slides him into the crotch. Off to a camel clutch by Shane to taunt Sabu. Francine throws in some chairs and Storm gets suplexed down onto an open one for two. Douglas gets backdropped to the floor and crotched on the barricade.

Back in and a springboard cross body gets two for Storm as does an enziguri. A few rollups get a few near falls for both guys and Storm speeds things up. Storm misses a guillotine legdrop but counters the belly to belly into a DDT. The second attempt at the suplex hits for Shane and gets the pin.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with ECW, the matches have more of a point and get better as the show goes on. The problem with that is that the first forty minutes or so are usually really dull and they don’t really make you want to stick around for the rest of the show. Oh and one more time: Joey needs to stop just saying the moves. It adds very little to the match at all.

TV Title: Taz vs. Al Snow

Snow is challenging and is on the verge of the push of a lifetime which would result in Heyman completely screwing up and not putting the world title on him because Shane Douglas must be champion forever in ECW. Snow rips into the fans for saying that he’s not Leif Cassidy (role he played in WWE) but Al Snow. The fans want Taz to murder Snow which is the norm for them most of the time.

After a long stall Taz takes it to the mat to take over. The fans want Snow’s neck broken. The champ cranks on the arm and does it again after Snow escapes. Snow tries to fight up and gets caught in an ankle hold. This is all mat stuff so far and it’s pretty good as well. After Snow bails to the floor he comes back in and is immediately caught in an Alabama Slam but he hits a kind of enziguri to the face of the champ to take over.

A suplex puts Taz down and the fans are still all over Snow. Taz is like screw this wrestling stuff and takes Snow down to pound away, but Snow rakes the eyes. Now Taz is like screw this brawling stuff and suplexes Snow down. Snow slams him down and fires off some kicks but gets pounded in the face for his efforts. Taz comes back with a German suplex but walks into a suplex from Snow. That gets no sold and it’s the Tazmission to retain the title.

Rating: C+. This never quite clicked as they were didn’t seem quite sure what they were going for as Taz kept switching from wrestling to brawling. Maybe that’s what they were going for but it didn’t quite work. Snow as a guy completely hated by the fans because he used to be in the WWF worked fine and it worked even better when he turned into the psycho head shaking guy. Not terrible here but it was your usual Taz match from this time period. The mat stuff was good though.

The Dudleys are in the ring and it’s time for their long intro. We have D-Von, Bubba, (the two in the match) Big Dick, Sign Guy and Joel Gertner. Joel talks about possession being 9/10 of the law but I can’t quite understand him. The Dudleys are tag team champions. This is one of the funniest parts of the show and always has been. Bubba is Dudleyville’s most eligible bachelor.

Dudley Boys vs. Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney

Mahoney has short hair here. I think this is non-title. That would be the case because the Gangstas are tag champions but the Dudleys have stolen the belts. If the Gangstas can’t defend them on Sunday, the Dudleys get them anyway. The Dudleys take a walk before the bell but then come back to fight. Ok then. It’s Bubba vs. Axl to start but it’s off to D-Von before anything happens. Axl and D-Von used to be tag partners so there’s a history there.

Big Dick trips up Axl to start the match with a little cheating. Off to Balls to crank on the arm a bit but he gets punched in the corner for his efforts. Big Dick interferes again and we stall a bit. D-Von charges at Balls and gets punched in the face. Dick low bridges Mahoney and the Dudleys take over again. Axl whispers something to Balls and they walk to the back. The fans chant for New Jack but they get the returning Hack Meyers instead and it’s a six man tag now.

Meyers pounds on Big Dick in the corner with the non-Dudleys taking over. All three guys pound on Dick (with the fans chanting AXL! BALLS! SHAH!) which finally knock him to the floor. It’s a brawl with no wrestling at all which is what you would expect from this. Axl cracks D-Von with a chair and they head into the crowd. Make that into the back of the arena. Now make that back to ringside. D-Von cracks Axl with a chair, bringing the sequence full circle.

We haven’t looked at the other four guys for awhile but here are Bubba and Balls again. Back in the ring Balls hits a sitout tombstone on D-Von followed by a guillotine legdrop for a delayed two count. Axl cracks Bubba with a chair (Joey: “BINGO!”) and Meyers heads back inside. Meyers rolls up D-Von for two as Balls cracks Dick with a chair on the floor. The Dick grabs the Balls and chokeslams him through a table and it’s a 3D to Meyers for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a big brawling mess but it was what the fans wanted to see. The six man part only lasted about four minutes but that was what the fans were the most excited for. Meyers was a guy who was basically just a brawler but he was insanely popular with the fans. The Dudleys would do whatever they wanted for about two more years before bailing to the WWF.

Rob Van Dam vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer was in the middle of a major feud with the invading Jerry Lawler while Van Dam was wrestling like a WWF wrestler to make him one of the most hated people in the company. Van Dam does the finger point so Dreamer grabs his ponytail and hooks a headlock. Van Dam will have none of that and kicks Dreamer down. The splits are broken up by a Dreamer dropkick to the back of the head and a clothesline to send Rob to the floor. There’s a plancha and Van Dam is in trouble.

A fan throws Dreamer a no parking sign and Van Dam gets whacked in the head. Then he gets whacked in the head again but off the apron this time. Back in and Van Dam gets two off a sunset flip and kicks Dreamer right back to the floor. Rob hits (I think he did at least as the contact wasn’t shown and Dreamer was a few feet away when they were both laying on the ground) a big flipping dive and Dreamer is in trouble.

Rob crotches him on the barricade and with the help of Fonzie we get a modified Van Daminator to rattle Dreamer’s skull a bit more. Back in again and Van Dam dropkicks a chair into Dreamer’s face and then skateboards the chair into Dreamer’s face in the corner. Rob’s offense is a bit repetitive no? There’s the Five Star and we’re…..not done? No we’re not as it only gets two. That’s a new one.

Van Dam slams Dreamer down on the chair but misses a split legged moonsault, crashing into the chair instead. Tommy hits a kind of Van Daminator and loads Rob into the Tree of Woe. After the baseball slide into the chair, Dreamer hits a frog splash of his own. Beulah and Fonzie get in a fight, although it’s not the famous one that they had which everyone raves about. Due to the distraction, Van Dam hits a Van Daminator but Dreamer pops up and DDTs Rob. Sabu pops up for no apparent reason and another Van Daminator (this one with a trashcan) and a corkscrew legdrop onto the can onto Dreamer gets the pin.

Rating: C. I wasn’t wild on this but it wasn’t terrible. Van Dam wrestling a WWF style didn’t come through here at all as it looked like any of his usual matches in ECW. Also I don’t get the idea of pinning the hero that is going to be fighting off the invading villain in a week but Heyman’s booking never quite made sense.

Post match here’s the Triple Threat (Bigelow, Douglas and Candido) to destroy Van Dam and Sabu. Why? Because it’s what the Triple Threat does. Dreamer is getting beaten down too and a bunch of jobbers come in to try to break up the fights but it turns into a big brawl. The Dudleys are in there now too and they clear the ring other than Dreamer. Mahoney and Rotten run in with weapons to clean house.

Big Dick rises up and destroys them……and here are the Gangstanators (Kronus and New Jack). They get chokeslammed down immediately and it’s crippled Perry Saturn for the real save as the Eliminators and New Jack finally beat up the Dudleys. Dreamer, Rotten and Mahoney get back up and eventually it’s Gertner that gets destroyed. The Gangstas (New Jack and Mustafa, the latter of which isn’t here tonight) wouldn’t fight the Dudleys at the PPV and it would be the Dudleys vs. PG-13, a Memphis tag team. This beating goes on for a long while.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Sabu is challenging and this is a barbed wire match, which means the ropes have been replaced by barbed wire. Terry heads to the corner to start but Sabu dropkicks the knee out and we head to the mat. Funk tries to throw him into the wire but Sabu puts the brakes on. Sabu does the same as Terry but Terry rolls to the floor to escape. Back in and Sabu puts on a quick camel clutch which goes nowhere.

Funk hits a neckbreaker and a scary looking piledriver for two. They both try to ram the other into the wire and it’s Sabu getting the advantage, but Terry gets his hands up and avoids the pain. Sabu hurricanranas Terry down for two but Funk kicks him off and into the wire for the first gasp from the crowd. Terry rakes Sabu’s eyes into the barbed wire which is pretty sick stuff.

An Irish whip sends the challenger into the wire again and Funk crotches him on it for good measure. Sabu’s tights are ripped up and man are his legs skinny. After some more pain for the guy from Bombay, he sends Terry into the corner and the wire as a result, followed by a chair shot. Funk’s face gets sent into the barbed wire and Sabu finds a spike from somewhere to pound into Funk’s head. This is getting violent in a hurry.

With Funk up against the wire, Sabu hits Air Sabu to drive him further into said wire for two. Air Sabu (it’s a running diving leg attack using a chair as a springboard) misses on its second attempt and Sabu is hung up in the wire. In a famous spot, Sabu’s bicep is sliced open and things slow WAY down. The solution to the cut? Fonzie brings in a roll of tape and tapes the GAPING WOUND closed to keep the match going.

A neckbreaker puts Sabu down but Terry can’t follow up. Sabu goes NUTS and starts pounding on Funk but Terry just punches him in the face to take over again. They both head to the floor and slug it out but are quickly back inside so Funk can put on the spinning toe hold. Fonzie (Sabu’s manager in case you’re not familiar with ECW, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) tries to interfere but gets pulled across the wire as well.

Funk slices open Fonzie’s shirt and cuts his back with it. The champ gets some wire cutters from somewhere and clips some wire off, which he whips Sabu with to slow him down even more. Fonzie gets beaten up some more and it’s back inside for more brawling. Sabu cuts more of the wire down and here’s RVD to pound on Funk. He takes Terry to the floor and wraps him in barbed wire so Sabu can drive Terry through a table.

Now Dreamer comes out to take out Van Dam (literally) and the guys in the match head back inside. Sabu pulls off a big section of wire and wraps himself in it before diving through Funk through a table. To complete this mess, they’re stuck together because Funk was wrapped in wire as well so they get back in the ring in a big ball and Sabu gets two. They’re still stuck together and since there’s nothing else they can do, Sabu shoves Terry’s shoulder back down and gets the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. To the shock of no one who is paying attention, this was a major mess. It was a total freakshow and the ending made it even worse as they couldn’t even do the right ending because they got stuck. Also this would wind up meaning NOTHING as Douglas got the title a week later because in ECW, Shane Douglas MUST be world champion. Just a mess here and it had almost absolutely nothing to do with wrestling.

Overall Rating: D+. Much like most ECW shows, most of this didn’t mean much and was there to fill in time. The main event is a mess and like I said, this means nothing as we’re a week from the second PPV so this whole thing is more or less a big house show before the real show. This isn’t the worst ECW show ever, but man alive it wasn’t much to see. It’s more dull than bad though, and that’s an upgrade for these guys.

Here’s Hardcore Heaven if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2010/12/26/hardcore-heaven-1997/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 8, 2002
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

You know, I constantly say how much I hate 2002 Raw, and yet this is the 11^th episode of it that I’ll have reviewed already. I plan on doing them all starting soon, and I’ll already be a fifth done with them. Interestingly enough, only one show has been after July. Anyway, we’re between KOTR and Vengeance here, which means Undertaker is world champion. The only thing I recognize on the card is a match that is in the running for worst TV match ever, so that’s likely why this was requested. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the 4^th of July show with Angle making Undertaker tap out at the same time Undertaker pinned him.

Vince pops up to start and says Undertaker has the night off. Taker will however be on Smackdown to welcome Rock back. The main event for Vengeance is Rock vs. Taker vs. Angle for the title.

Theme song.

Here’s Booker to open the show. This is just after he was literally kicked out of the NWO. He rants about X-Pac, compares him to Chuck E. Cheese, and wants him tonight. Booker knows he might get beaten down but you have to do that to get some respect. Instead he gets Eddie Guerrero. Eddie says this isn’t about Booker, because the Dudleys stole a win from him. Last week Eddie promised Benoit that he would take out his anger on the first guy he saw, and with that the fight is on.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T

Booker pounds on him to start and a knee to the ribs looks to set up the ax kick, only for Eddie to get in a shot to the knee and take over. A rollup with feet on the ropes gets two for Eddie and this is going slow already. Eddie suplexes him down and hits a neckbreaker for two. Booker comes out of nowhere with his corner sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was about three minutes of punching and kicking followed by a nearly botched sunset flip out of the corner. For two world champion level guys, you kind of expect a bit more. That being said, this was pretty much normal for Raw around this time, as nothing was really clicking at all.

Post match Eddie tries to jump Booker again but gets kicked in the face. Benoit runs in and it’s a double beatdown on Booker. Goldust comes out for the save but gets beaten down as well. Here are Bubba and Spike with chairs to take out Benoit and Eddie for the real save.

A familiar name is coming to WWE. His name: Rey Mysterio.

Goldust asks for Booker’s hand. Dancing ensues but Booker says this is serious. Goldust talks about going down and skips off. Booker superkicks a vendor that looks like X-Pac. Did I mention Booker is more or less the top face on Raw at this point?

Trish and Jackie Gayda are in the back and we get clips of Jackie vs. Molly from last week. Molly won so Trish came out and ripped Molly’s pants off. Jackie accuses Trish of being jealous and oh my goodness she makes Stephanie look like a classic actress. Christopher Nowitski pops up and insults Trish because of her cowboy hat. Trish suggests a mixed tag with those two against herself and some partner. Nowitski makes cowboy jokes and Trish says her partner will be Bradshaw.

We get a famous Rock moment of him driving Lillian crazy.

Chris Benoit vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Spike and Bubba are in the back when Goldust, dressed as Benjamin Franklin, claims to have traveled through time after having seen what the Dudleys did earlier to save Goldust and Booker. Franklindust proposes that the Dudleys team up with Booker and Goldust to fight the NWO. Goldie says he wanted to punch Thomas Jefferson a time or two but they’re all in this together. Did I mention this is the top feud on Raw at the moment? We cut back to Benoit and Guerrero (his second) standing in the ring and Benoit’s face makes it look like he wishes he was still healing from a broken neck.

Benoit jumps Benoit to start and takes him down with a forearm to the face. Benoit keeps pounding on him so Bubba chops back in the corner. There’s a belly to back suplex to Benoit but an Eddie distraction keeps the backsplash from being launched. It’s not like it would have hit anyway. The Canadian hits a German on the American and they chop it out a bit before the American hits a German on the Canadian. A big sidewalk slam puts Benoit down and Eddie jumps Spike. There’s the Bubba Bomb to Benoit but Eddie throws Spike at the referee. Benoit uses the distraction to grab the Crossface for the submission.

Rating: C. It was better than the previous match because of the intensity in it, but was this really the best thing they could use Benoit for after he came back from injury? The match was barely long enough to rate and it was nothing interesting at all. Bubba Ray Dudley is roughly the third biggest face on the show right now, which should give you a good idea of how things were.

Post match the former Radicalz beat the Dudleys down until Booker and Goldust make the save.

Christopher Nowitski (notice the repetition of names tonight?) takes us on a tour of Harvard’s athletics department.

We get some clips from last week’s ladder match with Hardy vs. Undertaker.

Flair is praising Jeff in the back for trying last week when Steven Richards come up. We get Flair vs. Richards tonight, because in 2002 we use guys like Flair and Benoit to put over guys like Steven Richards and Bubba Ray Dudley, and by put over I mean beat them in three and a half minute matches that no one will remember by the end of the show because there was nothing to them.

Trish Stratus/Bradshaw vs. Christopher Nowitski/Jackie Gayda

JR warns us that Nowitski and Gayda are very green still, so you know this isn’t going to be pretty. The men start and they get down in three point stances but Chris runs. Gayda gets the tag which brings in Trish because the genders have to match. Trish hits some Japanese armdrags and a dropkick for two before charging at the ropes, not hitting Jackie, and bouncing back into the ring. Jackie literally falls onto Trish and the Philly fans let them have it.

She chokes Trish on the ropes….by pulling Trish’s throat away from the rope. Off to the guys again with Bradshaw kicking Chris in the face and hitting the fallaway slam for no cover. Jackie jumps on Bradshaw’s back….and the guys run into the crowd, leaving these two girls in the ring. Alone. IN PHILADELPHIA. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA???

Back in the ring, Trish chops away with Jackie looking like she’s dancing instead of selling. Jackie chokes away in the opposite corner and puts Trish on the top. WHO TOLD HER SHE KNEW HOW TO DO A SUPERPLEX??? Thank goodness Trish knocks her away and tries a bulldog. Stratus jumps, her forearm hits Jackie in the back of the head…..and Jackie doesn’t move. Trish hits the mat and THEN Jackie falls down on her side. Trish rolls her up and the referee counts three even though Jackie kicks out at two. JR: “And mercifully it’s over.”

Rating: P. For Philadelphia. The WWE agents thought it was ok to leave Trish Stratus, who wasn’t good yet, and JACKIE GAYDA, in her THIRD MATCH, alone in the ring in Philadelphia. This may in fact be the dumbest decision in the history of the company, and that’s covering A LOT of ground.

Eddie and Benoit yell about the four guys they’ve dealt with tonight. X-Pac and Big Show come up and say chill. Shawn follows the NWO and says that we’re getting a speech in a second from Nash.

Rock moment shows him making fun of whoever he happens to be feuding with at the time.

Here’s the NWO because what would this show be without them? Shawn says you’re either with the NWO or you’re against them. We get a clip from King of the Ring where HHH seemed interested about joining them and apparently HHH has officially been offered a spot. Shawn talks about the Kliq and most people don’t seem interested. Fan: “GET TO THE POINT!” HHH hasn’t responded to their offer yet so Shawn thinks HHH is going soft because of the fans. HHH has until Vengeance to join or else.

Nash says that tonight, the NWO is going to take out Booker tonight and that’s a message to the Game. It’s his first match back from the injured list. Remember that as it’ll be important later. Tonight it’s a ten man tag with the three NWO guys, Benoit and Eddie vs. the Dudleys/Booker/Goldust/whoever else they can get. This took nearly ten minutes somehow.

Ric Flair vs. Steven Richards

Flair pounds him into the corner to start like some legend beating down some midcard guy that never really got over other than for a few months. Flair pounds on him in the other corner now and we head to the floor. Back in and Flair gets backdropped but avoids a dropkick. Flair blocks a suplex, hits a belly to back of his own, and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: D. Total squash here and I have no idea why. Is this really the best they can do with Flair? I mean, you can’t have him feud with Benoit or Guerrero and let him get one of those guys over? Flair doesn’t need to win these matches and they’re not helping Richards, nor are they doing anything for Flair, so what’s the point? Better question: why am I expecting a point?

Rock has sung a lot. He’s coming back to Smackdown though, probably because there’s no one on Raw worth his time.

Here are Heyman and the KOTR and #1 contender, Brock Lesnar. Heyman talks about how whoever wins the triple threat is going to be the lamb led to slaughter at Summerslam. Lesnar gets RVD for the IC Title at Vengeance which Heyman declares a win already. Heyman knows this because he created RVD (and never put the world title on him for no apparent reason) along with everyone else in ECW. He made them to satiate the blood thist (his terms) of these Philadelphia fans.

This brings out Tommy Dreamer with a kendo stick. Guess what the fans start chanting. Dreamer says Heyman didn’t make anyone. It was the people working so hard that made ECW along with the fans. Dreamer says he used to be the Innovator of Violence and he can take whatever beating Brock can give him. He hits Brock with the stick a few times and goes after Heyman, only to walk into the F5 on the floor. Van Dam comes out of nowhere for the save. Heyman takes a Van Terminator.

Pat Croce, the former boss of the Philadelphia 76ers, is here to talk about his new show Slam Ball, which is this freaky idea that had basketball being played with trampolines.

European Title: Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal

Regal is defending of course. Jeff starts fast and hits the Whisper in the Wind for two. The legdrop between the legs keeps Regal down and they head outside. Regal gets in some stomps and takes over before hitting a Tiger Bomb in the ring for two. Regal Cutter gets two as well and Regal takes Jeff’s head off with a running knee. The champ puts on a kind of Tazmission which doesn’t last long followed by some elbows for two. Regal goes to take off the buckle pad and gets dropkicked into the corner. That and a Swanton are enough for the pin and the title for Jeff.

Rating: C-. Another short match that didn’t mean anything. Jeff would look to be in line for a push here, but the title would be retired in two weeks because someone thought it was a good idea to have one champion per show for some reason that no one ever really explained. Jeff would do nothing of note before leaving in 2003.

This is your life Rock!

Regal starts to cry in the back. This also went nowhere as far as I remember.

The Dudleys ask RVD to be their partner.

NWO/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley/Rob Van Dam/Booker T/Goldust

Van Dam and X-Pac start things off which is one of the best possible combinations they could put out there. Van Dam takes over with a lot of kicks and gets two off a big one. Off to Goldie who pounds away in the corner before hitting a powerslam for no cover. Here’s Bubba, who somehow seems to be the guy on the face team getting the biggest push out of all of them.

Off to Spike with a headscissor takeover but he tries one too many flips and is taken down by a kick. Pac brings in Benoit who lays out Spike with a gordbuster before bringing in Eddie. After a bit more beating, a BIG monkey flip sends Eddie flying. Benoit comes in to suplex RVD down and it’s time for Big Show. Van Dam keeps playing Ricky Morton for awhile with X-Pac choking away.

Van Dam comes out of nowhere with a superkick but Shawn breaks up the Five Star. A spin kick from Rob allows for the hot tag to Bubba who cleans as much house as he can. Shawn trips Bubba and is chased to the back by Van Dam. As Van Dam is chasing him, Lesnar pops out and takes Rob’s head off with a clothesline and lays him out with the F5. Bubba gets slammed by Show and it’s off to Benoit again. Make that Eddie as you can see who is doing all the work here.

Hot tag brings in Booker who cleans the house all over again but Nash hits him in the back of the head. Here’s the tag to Nash and let’s time this. A big boot takes Booker down and then Nash goes over to the face corner, trips over Booker, and rips his quad apart, putting him on the shelf until April. Everything breaks down and Sweet Chin Music and a chokeslam end Booker.

Rating: D-. So let’s see: we had Benoit and Eddie doing all the work, Bubba and Spike doing nothing of note, Booker doing the job, and the NWO getting to look good. Other than them, who benefits from this? This was all about the NWO which did nothing at all their entire run. Thankfully due to Nash’s injury the team was split up the next week. This match sucked though and is a perfect way to cap off the awful show.

Shawn warns HHH to join or else to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Nothing good happened on this show. Literally, there was nothing to see here at all. The best match is Benoit vs. Bubba which was nothing more than a setup for later in the show. It had one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen and some of the least interesting feuds in wrestling history. Who is the top face here? Van Dam? Booker? Bubba? It’s really hard to tell and that’s not good. This was the problem they were risking by having Austin be the only top guy and they had to bring HHH over soon to give them a star to save the show, which led to the disaster that was 2003. Horrible HORRIBLE show here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: August 22, 2006
Location: Wachovia Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re past Summerslam now and Big Show is still champion, having beaten Sabu at Summerslam. The main event tonight: Big Show vs. Sabu for the ECW Championship. We also have Matt Striker, who is making his ECW debut tonight after a long time on Raw. We also get a bikini contest between Kelly and Torrie, which I’m sure will be riveting. Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.

We open with Torrie and Kelly in their bikini contest. Torrie is in FHM this month. She disrobes first and looks good but Mike Knox stops Kelly from disrobing. Test is with him for the sake of setting up a six man tag. Dreamer and Sandman come in and we’re ready to go.

Torrie Wilson/Tommy Dreamer/Sandman vs. Test/Mike Knox/Kelly Kelly

The girls go at it quickly and the fans freak out. Torrie is in a bikini so we get a Stinkface. So that’s where Kelly learned it. Test and Dreamer come in, thank goodness, with Test poking him in the eye to take over. A trio of backbreakers gets two. Knox comes in and stays on the back of Dreamer as the fans tell Knox that he can’t wrestle.

Test comes in and takes out Sandman before throwing Dreamer in a bearhug. Dreamer finally gets out and hooks a neckbreaker to give himself a breather. Off to Sandman and Knox but it’s Test who gets caught in the White Russian Legsweep. Sandman hits a Swanton (Rolling Rock) on Knox for two. After some interference from Test, Knox misses a middle rope legdrop. Dreamer DDT gets the pin on Knox.

Rating: D. This was a mess and the girls didn’t add anything to it, but they were only involved for about 30 seconds so it’s not that big of a deal. The match was boring though as it was just old school vs. new school which would be the story on this show for months on end. Sandman was a nostalgia act at this point but he got paid for a few months out of it so I can’t complain much there. Not a good match but it got the crowd a bit fired up so I can’t complain much.

Show tells Heyman not to worry tonight because it’s a one on one match with no weapons for Sabu to use.

Matt Striker is in the back and says he’s our teacher. The letters ECW bring about images of barbarism but those aren’t good. Therefore, he’s going to educate us in the future.

Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney

Extreme Rules. Thorn jumps Balls before he can use the chair and we’re off fast. Balls comes back with right hands and a HARD kick to the face. Out to the floor for a good beating of balls. Back in and Thorn beats Balls with a stick. These jokes write themselves. The stick gets rammed into Balls’ throat (there is such a thing as making this too easy you know) but Mahoney comes back with punches and the Nutcracker Sweet for two. Balls goes to get a chair but Ariel bites him on the way back in. A chair shot and the elevated Stunner get the pin for Thorn. Quick match with more unintentional comedy than anything else.

More Shannon Moore stuff. The system is oppressive I see.

CM Punk vs. Christopher W. Anderson

He’s doing the IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME already. Anderson is introduced as Christopher W. Anderson but screw that, he’s CW Anderson. Anderson takes him into the corner and we actually get a clean break. Joey and Tazz argue over how much coffee Anderson had in the original ECW. They go to the corner again and Anderson kills him with the left, resulting in a left/right joke series from our commentators. Anderson works on the arm in the corner but gets caught in the Vice around the ropes. The knee/bulldog combination conencts but Punk walks into a spinebuster for two. Never mind as it’s strike sequence, Rock Bottom, Vice, tap.

Sabu says he’ll win tonight.

Trailer for The Marine.

Heyman talks to someone and tells them to make an impact tonight. It’s Hardcore Holly and Heyman whispers a name to Holly which Hardcore isn’t thrilled with. Whoever he whispered has been making trouble for Holly in the locker room.

Danny Doring vs. Rob Van Dam

Doring tries to speed things up but gets his head kicked off instead. Danny drops some elbows on the back to take over but Van Dam has had enough of that. The monkey flip sets up the top rope kick and Doring is in trouble. Rolling Thunder hits and the Five Star finishes the squash.

Post match Hardcore Holly jumps Van Dam with a chair. He hits Doring for good measure before giving Van Dam the Alabama Slam.

Highlight video of Summerslam.

Rene Dupree says he’s the best athlete ECW has ever had.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Sabu

Sabu pounds away to start but gets beaten down almost as quickly. Some LOUD chops put Sabu down so Show picks him up and drops Sabu onto the top rope and out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Show choking away even more. During the break there’s been a table set up at ringside, apparently to taunt Sabu.

Sabu breaks up a bearhug with a poke to the eye. The referee goes down, as does Sabu to a fallaway slam. Sabu uses the referee being down to get some chair shots in, taking Big Show down. Triple Jump Moonsault hits but there’s no referee. Arabian Facebuster hits and a second referee counts two. Sabu gets the bell and clocks Show with it in front of the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t really have time to do anything, but it wasn’t all that interesting watching Sabu get thrown around and then a ref bump followed by a stupid DQ. These two would feud for awhile while we waited to get something better going in the main event. This was fine for a filler feud though.

Post match Sabu hits him again with the bell, busting Show open. He knocks him through the table (great sound effect) and HOKEY SMOKE Show is busted bad. There’s a freaking pool of blood on the ground. It’s legit scary looking actually.

Overall Rating: D+. It wasn’t a great show, but there was a major shift this week as the main event only ran about five minutes (not counting commercial) as opposed to the usual 15 minutes or so it had been getting up to this point. That can be seen as either good or bad, in that it gives more time to other acts, but it also takes away the long match. In ECW’s case though, with just an hour a week, spending ¼ of the show on a single match wasn’t the best idea. The shift here is good and the show had a lot more to it as a result. The problem is the additional stuff here wasn’t that great.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: August 22, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re back for another episode and it’s the last show before Summerslam. That being said, Big Show needs an opponent. We saw the return of Rob Van Dam last week to attack both Big Show and Sabu, so my guess is it’ll be Van Dam or Sabu challenging Show on Sunday. Is that a ladder I see over there? Let’s get to it.

We open with Heyman and Show in the back. Heyman says that Angle has been injured and is medically suspended for the time being. He was supposed to be in the ladder match later on, but now it’s just Van Dam vs. Sabu.

Here’s Foley in the arena. We get a clip of Melina and Foley beating up Flair last night. This was to set up their match at Summerslam which is pretty forgotten today. Foley talks about how last night he invited Flair to come here tonight but Naitch isn’t going to be here. This is because of a real life argument they had over Flair calling Foley a glorified stuntman and Foley saying Flair had the same match for years.

Foley goes into a big rant about what he went through against Undertaker in the Cell, which Flair says was just accidentally falling off the Cell. What Flair never gets is that Foley has always liked what he sees when he looks in the mirror, and that’s what he’ll do on Monday after the match with Ric. He talks about being a two time bestselling author and calls out…..Kelly Kelly?

Here she is and with a much slower version of her signature song. He also brings out Melina which is a big shock to Tazz for some reason. Foley says it’s time for a three way dance, so the girls grind on each other and Foley dances like Dude Love. This draws out Flair and the fight is on. A low blow stops Mick and Flair takes off his belt to whip Foley, followed by some choking. Flair shouts about how Foley is going to quit on Sunday and leaves. This was a, shall we say, interesting use of the first ten minutes of the show.

Shannon Moore says to question authority.

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible

Justin slaps him and gets kicked as a result. Into the corner and Punk does Joe’s Facewash for two. A top rope crossbody is countered into a gutbuster for two for Credible. Abdominal stretch goes on for a bit but Punk comes back with strikes. A bad kind of release tornado DDT gets two. Punk comes back with the knee in the corner, a high kick, a Rock Bottom and the Vice for the tap out. Short match but it did its job.

Video on RVD. This is followed by him sitting on a ladder, talking about being in MITB at Wrestlemania. He won that as well as the world title, and now he wants it back.

Rene Dupree is still coming.

Mike Knox/Test vs. Little Guido/Tony Marmaluke

Guido and Knox starts and the beating begins. Test comes in and the beating continues. The beating ends with a pair of big boots and a TKO to Mamaluke. Total squash.

Dreamer and Sandman chase off Knox and Test post match.

Sabu says he’ll win.

Heyman talks to Show and the security guards when Angle runs in. He beats up the security with ease and hammers on Big Show but finally gets taken down. Cops show up to handcuff Angle and take him out.

Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Ladder match and the winner gets Big Show on Sunday. Feeling out process to start and we get our first possible botch as Van Dam tries his springboard kick out of the corner but it hits Sabu in the leg as he was trying something else at the same time. Van Dam goes up but gets stopped by some shots to the face. Sabu tries Air Sabu but gets crotched in another botch. This REALLY isn’t starting out well.

Van Dam tries to jump from the top to get the contract which I’m surprised more people haven’t tried before. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor and Sabu goes for the first ladder. Van Dam makes the save and both guys head back in, sans ladder. A spike DDT puts Rob down and now we get the first ladder brought in. Scratch that as Van Dam hits a baseball slide into the ladder to keep it on the floor.

Van Dam hits a dive onto Sabu and the ladder as we take a break. Back with Sabu hitting the Arabian Facebuster onto the ladder. There’s the camel clutch, also on the ladder but it’s broken very quickly. Sabu sets the ladder up but Van Dam shoves it down before he can get anywhere. Sabu tries the triple jump moonsault using the ladder and falls flat on his back. Rob throws him into the ladder in the corner but misses a charge. In a GREAT counter, Van Dam monkey flips the ladder itself into Sabu. That was awesome.

Rolling Thunder hits onto Sabu onto the ladder, but it was minus Sabu and Van Dam’s back is hurt. Now the triple jump moonsault hits as Sabu used the chair instead of the ladder like a freaking idiot would. Van Dam gets in another shot and goes up the ladder but Sabu makes a quick save. Sabu goes to his old standard: throwing the ladder at Van Dam’s head.

Van Dam kicks him down again and hits the Five Star but it only does so much good here. His ribs are more messed up than they already were but he goes up anyway. Sabu is down on the floor, so there’s no reason for Van Dam to go slowly, other than Big Show missing his cue as he does here. Show FINALLY comes in and throws Van Dam off the ladder and through a table. Show calls for the contract to be lowered but Sabu dives at him and lands in a powerbomb position, but it’s enough to grab the lowered contract and get the title shot.

Rating: D. You know how I always talk about how Sabu needs someone to keep him calmed down or it can get ugly? This was what happens when it gets ugly. Some of these botches were just HORRIBLE and it ruined whatever they might have had going with the match. The monkey flip spot was great and the ending was creative, but the stuff getting up to that was just horrible.

Show chokeslams Sabu onto the contract (despite having a chair and a ladder in the ring) and chokeslams RVD as well. Sabu eats the contract to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show FLEW by and I’m not sure it worked for the most part. The main event was too sloppy to be worth much, the opening segment was about a Raw issue instead of an ECW issue, and the other two matches were squashes. It wasn’t a horrible show I guess, but it went by so fast with so little happening that it really didn’t have a chance to be good.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/09/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2006-hogan-and-dx-are-in-charge-are-we-in-1998/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 5, 2006
Location: Columbus Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Tonight we get really EXTREME as DX is here to face Big Show, which is basically a preview for Unforgiven and their Cell match which will also involve the McMahons. Other than that we have Heyman punishing RVD and Sabu for existing by putting them in a tag match against Knox and Test. Then again that might be punishment for all of us in general. Let’s get to it.

DX arrives to open the show. Shawn: “You think this is the place?” HHH: “Bingo.”

Sabu/Rob Van Dam vs. Mike Knox/Test

Extreme Rules. Sabu and Knox start because you have to tag in an EXTREME rules match. They have about as technical of a match as Sabu has ever had before it’s off to Van Dam. Knox comes in as well and pounds away as Sabu loads up a table. He gets a chair as well as Knox drops a freaking elbow for two. This match is already boring me to death and we’re only two minutes into it.

Test comes in with a clothesline and sends Van Dam to the floor. The Originals hit a nice slingshot legdrop and Rolling Thunder combo as things breaks down. Van Dam hits a top rope kick to break up Sabu being thrown through the table. Through a series of counters everyone but Sabu winds up on the apron. He springboards off the chair to take all three of them down and through said table in the first good spot of the match.

Back from a break with Test hitting Sabu with a chair for no cover. Van Dam blasts Test with the same chair and Surfs it into the corner. Knox breaks up the Five Star with a chair shot and hits a superplex. Sabu breaks up the cover with an Arabian Facebuster and puts Knox in the camel clutch. Van Dam kicks the chair into Knox’s face but Test saves the pin. Sabu hits Air Sabu in the corner and Test falls onto the chair. Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. Another table is brought in and the Originals mess up the legdrop/Five Star combo through the table so only the Splash hits and gets the pin on Knox.

Rating: D+. Those of you that have read my stuff over the years know that I am by no means an ECW fan. That being said, Van Dam and Sabu are at almost no fault here. Test and Knox sucked the ever loving life out of this match and brought it through the floor. They were the perfect idea for heels in ECW but that doesn’t mean they were interesting in the slightest. I can’t stand those two and I’m sure they’ll be pushed even more in the future.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel pull a tarot card which reveals sexuality. Are they ever going to do anything with these two?

Here’s Striker again to talk about Sandman. He says that last week brain prevailed over brawn and that he’s smart enough to never go swimming with stingrays. This would be the day after Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray so the fans give Striker more heat than ever. Here’s Sandman so Striker runs away. Sandman writes SUX under Striker’s name. What biting commentary.

Balls Mahoney vs. Stevie Richards

Kevin Thorn comes to commentary for some reason and Ariel grinds on Joey a bit. Balls pounds him into the corner to start but Richards clotheslines him down for two. A neckbreaker gets the same and Richards takes over. A bad X-Factor gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Balls slaps the mat which doesn’t count as a tap out for some reason and they’re back to their feet. Mahoney makes his comeback but has to stop to hit Thorn for some reason. A cane shot to the head of Mahoney gets the pin. Too short to rate but it was more about angle advancement than anything else.

Punk slaps Moore and calls him a poser. Yeah this is who they gave Punk for his first feud.

Big Show vs. D-Generation X

The world champion doesn’t even get an intro. Extreme Rules here, at least until Heyman comes out and says it’s a regular match. DX doesn’t have to tag here so they try to double team Show as much as possible. They get him down with punches but a double suplex is just a bad idea. Show takes over with his usual power offense, chopping both guys in the chest HARD.

DX tries to speed things up but the security guards pull the ropes down. HHH goes after them before they can beat up Shawn but Show pulls Shawn back into the ring for the one on one beating. HHH is down in the aisle and Shawn gets put in the bearhug. Show loads up the chokeslam but HHH makes the save. The Game fights him down and manages a kind of spinebuster as Shawn is back up. He dives onto the security guards but Show blocks the Pedigree. Hardcore Holly of all people comes in, and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. This was like a preview of some sort but it was nothing interesting at all. For what was called the biggest match in ECW history, I was expecting more than a five minute match with Hardcore Holly coming in for the save. Nothing to see here as the match sucked for the most part, followed by a bad ending.

Shawn gets beaten down until HHH gets his sledgehammer for the save. DX stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This was probably the worst show they’ve had in the few months this has been on. The main event was basically a preview for a PPV match involving Raw guys and the other featured match was slow and boring because the new ECW guys absolutely suck. Punk was only here for about 20 seconds so there was almost nothing to care about here. Awful show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Sacrifice 2012
Date: May 13, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Time for another filler PPV from the boys in Orlando. The card here is better than the Victory Road show but it’s definitely a B show at best. The main event is Roode vs. RVD for the title and we’ll likely get more developments in the return of Abyss story as well. To be fair though, that’s one of the most interesting stories they’ve had in awihle. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how Roode is angry about recent events.

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels

The announcers talk about how awesome Magnus is. He and Daniels start with the British guy in control. Daniels gets in an elbow in the corner but a cross body is countered into a suplex in a cool power display. Off to Joe and Daniels runs away, bringing in Kaz. A big elbow puts Kaz down and it’s off to Magnus. The champions use some good teamwork to beat on Kaz but Daniels trips up Magnus to shift control.

Magnus plays Ricky Morton with a British accent. Both challengers work on him a little bit at a time until it’s chinlock time from Daniels. Joseph Park is in the audience. Kaz hooks a double chickenwing but Magnus fights up and hits a shoulder block to escape. There’s the tag to Joe who cleans house and creates heel miscommunication. Release Rock Bottom puts Daniels down out of the corner.

Daniels breaks up the champions’ finishing move with a boot to Joe’s face. A DDT gets two on Joe as does the STO. Magnus gets in a shot to allow the champions to hit the finishing sequence on Daniels but Kaz pulls Magnus to the floor. Joe goes for the save and Magnus goes back in, but the challengers hit a Total Elimination on Magnus for the surprise pin and the titles at 10:54.

Rating: C. Pretty good opening but the ending was pretty surprising. I guess there’s a reason to give the titles to Daniels/Kaz, but the division is still pretty weak given the roster of tag teams at this point. Joe and Magnus were getting good together and I’m sure they’ll get a title shot again but odds are on AJ finding a partner and going after them.

Tenay and Taz plug their social media stuff.

We recap Brooke vs. Gail. In short: Gail is a wrestler, Brooke is a model who looks good in a bikini but she wants to prove she can fight. Brooke has three wins in a row over Gail coming into this.

Knockouts Title: Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps Brooke to start but Tessmacher tries Eat Defeat twice to send Gail running to the floor. Gail gets in a kick to the ribs to take over and follows with a shoulder block to the ribs. The champion hits a backbreaker and bends Brooke over the knee in a submission hold out of the same position.

It’s about 99% Kim until Brooke gets a flying forearm to get herself a breather. A facejam out of the corner puts Gail down and a top rope elbow gets two. The champion tries a quick Eat Defeat but Brooke hits one of her own which knocks Gail to the floor. Back inside that gets two. And then Gail rolls her up with feet on the ropes to retain at 6:50.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but Tessmacher continues to be just barely better than your normal terrible women’s wrestler. Anyone that believes she’s out there because of anything other than how she looks in her wrestling outfits is delusional. Still though, I’d have switched the title due to how long Gail has had the title and how stale her title reign has gotten.

Kaz and Daniels say that AJ got where he is by whistling Dixie. Kaz and Daniels are where they are because they beat people up. Daniels says his championship is proof. This is just beginning with AJ and you may now worship them.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Officially it’s a triple threat. D-Von punches T to the floor and then punches E down. A Rock Bottom gets two on E but T pulls the champion to the floor. E gets back up and tells T to stand down because he’s got this. Powerslam gets two for E. D-Von comes back and knocks E to the floor but T catches him with a shot to the back. Powerslam gets two as E makes the save. Extra and Terrestrial get in a shoving match, allowing D-Von to roll up T to retain at 5:40.

Rating: D+. This feud MUST be over now right? It’s been going on for like four months now and for the life of me I don’t get why it’s continued this long. Are there really no other people that can get in on the TV Title hunt? Nothing to see here but hopefully it ends this feud once and for all.

T teases attacking E post match but they’re ok.

We recap Anderson vs. Hardy. Basically they both wanted to be #1 contender but got in a fight instead. RVD got the shot so these two need something to do.

Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy

Feeling out process to start resulting in some armdrags by Hardy into an armbar. They head to the floor with Jeff in control and Anderson going into various metal objects. Jeff tries a running attack off the steps but Anderson moves. Jeff blocks the contact into the railing though and therefore doesn’t lose control. Back in Anderson kicks him down but gets caught by a jawbreaker from Jeff.

Jeff tries the slingshot dropkick in the corner but Anderson gets his own feet up to block it. Clothesline gets two as does a flying armbar. Hardy rolls to the apron and tries to fight back but gets caught by a neckbreaker through the ropes for two. Anderson hooks the arm again but Jeff fights to his feet. Another neckbreaker is countered and Jeff hits a Mic Check to put both guys down.

Anderson is up first but Jeff meets him with right hands. Hardy loads up Whisper in the Wind but Anderson moves forward to send Hardy crashing down. Twist of Fate from Anderson gets two but the Kenton Bomb misses. The Swanton connects but only for two. In a really strange ending, Hardy tries his legdrop between Anderson’s legs but Anderson shoves Hardy’s legs back and rolls him up for the pin, but I was almost sure Hardy kicked out. Either way it gets the pin at 11:40.

Rating: C-. This was supposed to be a big main event style match but it didn’t work at all for me. Anderson is just so uninteresting in the ring and for the life of me I don’t get why he went over Hardy here. I guess the ending is going to be a selling point later on as Hardy pretty clearly kicked out and he protested after the match, but we’ll have to wait for Impact for that.

Aries says he isn’t worried about Ray tonight. He thinks better is better than bigger, and that the bullying stops tonight.

We get a video from the end of Impact where Abyss returned.

Joseph Park is in the crowd and is having a great time. He says he didn’t see Abyss return on Thursday because he was recovering from Ray attacking him. Abyss might appear tonight too.

Crimson comes out to brag about beating Morgan on Thursday. He issues an open challenge and here’s who he gets.

Crimson vs. Eric Young

I didn’t hear a bell and it’s time for COMEDY! Eric locks up with the referee and does Ultimo Dragon’s handstand in the corner. A clothesline puts Crimson on the floor, although I never heard a bell. Crimson throws him to the floor to take over and a suplex gets two. There’s the cravate and Eric gets shoved down. ODB gets in and gets shoved down which ticks Eric off. And there go his pants. He slams Crimson down and drops a top rope elbow for no cover. Eric goes to check on ODB but Crimson shoves him into the wife and Red Sky gets the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. What does anyone see in either of these guys? Eric IS NOT FUNNY. He does the same stuff every single week and it just isn’t funny. Hey look: he can take his pants off and lock up with a referree. COMEDY! Crimson is the most uninteresting undefeated name this side of Tatanka as it’s clear they have no idea what they’re doing with him.

Ray says that he doesn’t do Twitter and plugs his MySpace page. He’s too big for Aries to beat too.

We recap Aries vs. Ray, which is victim vs. Bully with the victim fighting back.

Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries

Ray goes into a nearly Memphis level of stalling until Aries jumps him. Taz uses the time to actually offer some veteran analysis, talking about how it’s possible for a smaller guy to use leverage moves against bigger guys like Ray. Aries pounds away on him but gets shoved down. Ray tries to stomp him but Aries bites the calf to escape. Aries goes up but a big boot knocks him into the barricade in a cool looking bump.

Oh man Aries has some bad looking bruises on his back which Tazz calls busted blood vessels. Ray slams him down and puts on a bearhug before hitting a HARD chop to the chest. Aries pops up and says hit me again which Ray does. Aries tries to come back but gets chopped down again. Ray says stay down but Aries comes back with chops. A running elbow in the corner hits Ray but he comes back with a modified powerbomb for two. Ray sends him into the ropes and hits a wicked one man 3D but it only gets two.

Here comes Joseph Park to the front row and Ray comes out to get in his face. He pulls Park over the railing and into ringside but Aries takes Ray down with a suicide dive. Back in the ring a missile dropkick sends Ray into the corner and Aries somehow pulls off the brainbuster for two. Ray tries a superbomb out of the corner but falls on his face, allowing Aries to throw on the Last Chancery for the tap at 13:17.

Rating: B. Good match here and it’s good that they gave Aries the win. There was no need to have Ray get a win here and for awhile I was thinking they were going to go with him. On a side note, that one man 3D is a great finisher for Ray as it looks devastating. Anyway, good win for Aries here but he needs to get rid of that belt soon. It’s not helping him anymore and it kills the division a little more every day he has it.

We recap the pictures being revealed on Monday.

AJ says he isn’t here to talk about pictures.

We recap Angle vs. Styles. Angle beat Styles because AJ was distracted by Daniels and the photos he had and Angle didn’t want to win that way. This is his rematch.

AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is pretty much a tweener now as he doesn’t really have an allegiance to either side of the spectrum. AJ takes it to the mat which goes to a standoff. Now Angle takes it to the mat and AJ bails. Angle has lowered his kneepad and tells AJ to shoot for the leg. AJ outsmarts him though and kicks Angle in the face as Angle drops down into defense. Angle hooks a bearhug and tries a suplex but Styles counters into a Styles Clash attempt which is countered into an ankle lock attempt which doesn’t work.

Angle takes over with a headlock which lasts for awhile. Styles comes out of it and drops a knee. Styles Clash is broken up again and they head to the floor. AJ counters a suplex by landing on his feet and takes Angle down with a clothesline. In the ring AJ misses a jumping attack in the corner and Kurt suplexes him down. AJ fights out of a body vice but runs into a backbreaker for two.

Off to a chinlock as this match slows way down. AJ gets up and both guys try cross bodies. Styles speeds things up and hits an AA into a backbreaker for two. Springboard forearm gets two. Angle blocks the Clash but gets sent to the floor. AJ hits the springboard forearm to the floor and both guys are down. Kurt suplexes him from the apron into the ring for two.

A belly to belly superplex is countered but Angle runs the ropes and hits the superplex for two. Angle Slam is countered with the Pele and the Styles Clash gets two. Kurt reverses a German into a release one of his own to put both guys down. Styles gets a spinning rollup for two but Kurt pulls off an Angle Slam. That gets two and Kurt is frustrated. Kurt pushes A+B at the same time and gets two off a Styles Clash. The moonsault misses and AJ hits his springboard 450 for two. AJ sets for something else and here are Kaz and Daniels for the interference, allowing Angle to hit another Slam for two. Ankle and grapvine end this at 20:45.

Rating: B. First and foremost, AJ and Angle had a good match. No one paying attention should be surprised at this at all. That being said, I do not want to ever see Christoper Daniels vs. AJ Styles again. I don’t care what the angle is, I don’t care what new twist they put on it, I don’t care how it turns out. I’m tired of seeing it and there’s no reason to put them together anymore. They’ve feuded on and off for over seven years now and I’m not interested in seeing it anymore.

Angle saves Styles from the double beatdown. There’s Slammiversary I’d assume.

Angle’s moonsault at Lockdown against Anderson is the #8 moment in TNA history.

Roode doesn’t feel right because he doesn’t have his belt with him. It’s above the ring and he doesn’t like it.

We recap Roode vs. RVD. RVD won a match to get the title match then won another one to make it a ladder match. That’s about it.

TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Roode

Ladder match. The belt looks higher up than it usually is. Van Dam knocks him to the floor to start and goes for the ladder, but Roode breaks it up. Van Dam comes back and hits the spinning kick to the back of Roode on the barricade. Van Dam goes for the ladder again but gets caught in a DDT for Roode to take over. Rob comes back with a flip dive to the floor to put Roode down. This is pretty slow paced to start but it’s not bad.

The ladder gets set up in the corner and Roode goes face first into it. Now it gets placed on the middle rope and Roode slingshots RVD’s face into it. Roode’s suplex onto the ladder is blocked and Van Dam suplexes Roode onto the ladder instead. A Lionsault onto Roode onto the ladder puts both guys down. Van Dam sends him back first into the ladder and puts him in Van Terminator position.

Instead he surfboards the chair into the ladder into Roode which puts Van Dam down as well for some reason. Van Dam gets another ladder and goes up but Roode knocks him off. Rob bumps into the ladder to knock Roode off and the ladder hits Roode in the head. I think he’s ok though as he clotheslines Van Dam down and hits the spinebuster onto the ladder. Van Dam comes out of nowhere with a monkey flip to send Roode into the ladder in the corner, followed by Rolling Thunder.

The challenger has a nasty cut and lump on his elbow. Bad elbow and all he kicks Roode onto a ladder but the Five Star misses Roode and hits the ladder. Roode goes up and Van Dam tries to pull a Shelton Benjamin and jump onto the ladder but he misses and ties his leg up in it. Somehow he manages to climb up to chase Roode, only to get shoved off and hit his head on the chair from earlier. Roode retains at 15:28.

Rating: C+. This was fine but it was nothing great at all. I don’t think most people expected RVD to take the title here, as he was the veteran in this kind of match coming into his own match so of course he had no chance. The match was entertaining enough for a B-Show main event, but Van Dam was nothing but a placeholder to be another guy for Roode to beat.

Overall Rating: B-. This was pretty much what I was expecting: a decent show where nothing significant happens at all (on paper at least). That’s what plagued Lockdown (among other things): nothing changed. TNA has been in the same place for awhile now and that’s not a good thing. They need to shake things up a little bit, and I think that’ll happen at Slammiversary. It was an entertaining show but it’s nothing I’ll remember three days from now.

Results
Kazarian/Christopher Daniels b. Samoa Joe/Magnus – Total Elimination to Magnus
Gail Kim b. Brooke Tessmacher – Rollup with feet on the ropes
D-Von b. Robbie E and Robbie T – Rollup to Robbie T
Mr. Anderson b. Jeff Hardy – Rollup
Crimson b. Eric Young – Red Sky
Austin Aries b. Bully Ray – Last Chancery
Kurt Angle b. AJ Styles – Ankle Lock
Bobby Roode b. Rob Van Dam – Roode pulled down the title

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 26, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the first of the Open Fight Nights, which means that anyone that challenges anyone else will automatically get their match. There’s a guaranteed title match as well as a guaranteed TV Title match which will be the case every week. Other than that we’ll continue the build towards Sacrifice and the main event between RVD and Roode. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan talking to the champions (minus ODB and Young) and saying they could be challenged tonight too. Tonight Joe and Magnus will be defending against….some team that Hogan will announce just before the match. He might even tell them as the opponents are on the way to the ring.

D-Von comes out and says that since he has to defend against someone every week, tonight it’s going to be against the guy that everyone wants to see get beaten up: Bubba. Yes Bubba, not Bully. He has to accept because it’s a challenge on Open Fight Night. Ray comes out and runs his mouth first, saying that he doesn’t want to be in a ring with D-Von. Ray says no, so D-Von chases after him and throws him into the ring

TV Title: D-Von vs. Bully Ray

D-Von throws him into the ring and Ray begs off like a true bully. Thesz Press puts Ray down and D-Von goes up, only to get crotched as we take a break. Back with Ray dropping elbows and we get a clip of him holding up the belt during the break. D-Von comes back with right hands but Bubba clotheslines him down for two. Bubba sets for a charge but runs into the spinebuster for the completely clean pin at 9:45, most of which was in a commercial.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing interesting and for the life of me I don’t get the idea of pushing D-Von this hard. He hasn’t been bad, but man alive there are a lot more people that could be pushed besides him. Nothing to see here for the most part and if this is what open fight night is going to be like, it doesn’t seem like something that’s going to be all that interesting. It’s early yet though.

Flair is going to have a party for Eric (uncensored) Bischoff later tonight.

Kaz and Daniels come in to talk to Angle and ask for a thank you for the AJ victory last week. Angle yells at them and says stay out of his matches. Daniels also mentioned that AJ’s world will come crashing down in a few weeks.

Here’s JB who says that since it’s Open Fight Night, he wants to call out Eric Bischoff for being a jerk to JB, who has more seniority than anyone in the company. Eric went on a rant on Facebook or Twitter about JB recently and this is the payoff. Here’s Eric, marking his time away from Impact at one full week. Eric takes a picture of JB and Borash goes into a rant about Eric getting drunk and talking about employees behind his back.

As Eric talks, Ray comes in with a low blow to JB. Eric says he’s going to post something on his Twitter, and demands that a referee come in. he rolls up JB and has the bell rung. You know for a guy that isn’t on the show anymore, he’s around a lot anymore.

Anderson remembers Bischoff and talks about how he’s a hypocrite. Mexican America’s music is loudly playing during most of this. Pay no attention to the graphic saying “earlier today”.

Here’s Mexican America who says they can beat anyone.

Anarquia vs. Kurt Angle

Anarquia tries to have Hernandez do this and jumps Angle from behind. Angle Slam, Ankle Lock, 49 seconds.

We get a profile on the guy that is getting the Gut Check Challenge for a contract. It’s former OVW TV Champion Alex Silva. One of the judges (out of three plus Hogan) is Al Snow.

Alex Silva vs. Robbie E

Remember it’s not win and you’re in. Silva has to impress the judges, of which we only know two. Silva starts fast but gets caught by Robbie pretty fast. Powerslam gets one for Silva and then they cut to the crowd in probably a botch edit, followed by an implant DDT by Robbie for the pin at 2:18. Way to push these new guys right off the bat guys.

Dixie remembers the lies Eric told her.

Hogan has all of the potential tag team contenders in his office (Kaz/Daniels, Guns, Anderson/Hardy, ODB/Young) and wants to hear why each should get a title shot. The Guns say they’re dedicated more than anyone else and Hogan respects that. Hogan wants Hardy and Anderson to get along so Anderson kisses Hardy on the cheek. As for the Knockout Champions, Eric gives a speech of his own. Hogan can’t make a pick now but he eliminates the Guns from the running.

Here’s Tessmacher with something to say. She says last week she beat Gail and it’s being called a fluke. Brooke is here to prove it wasn’t just a fluke and she wants a match with Gail right now.

Gail Kim vs. Brooke Tessmacher

Brooke keeps trying to jump her but Hebner keeps stopping her. Gail jumps Tessmacher and we’re ready to go. This is non-title by the way, as I guess you can’t challenge for titles, which I thought they said you could last week but whatever. Tessmacher sends her into the corner but gets clotheslined down immediately. Tessmacher makes her comeback with some dropkicks but misses a charge and hits her throat on the ropes. Gail holds the belt in front of Brooke’s face and says she’s nothing. Kim goes up but misses a missile dropkick, allowing Brooke to hit a mat slam out of a belly to back suplex position for the pin at 3:57.

Rating: C-. Considering the great shots we got of both of these two, there’s no way you can really call this a failure. Tessmacher is out there because she looks great in a swimsuit and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Gail needs some new challengers and Brooke is fine for that role.

Daniels and Kaz say they’ll get the title match tonight. Also if AJ doesn’t show up next week, they’re going to let the cat out of the bag.

Video on Rob getting the title shot last week and Roode has a quick response to him.

Silva and Snow are in the back and we’ll get the decision next week from Snow and the judges. Roode comes in and says he doesn’t need to introduce himself and Silva agrees. Roode doesn’t like the idea of the Gut Check deal because he had to work so hard to get the contract here. He says always be ready and hits Silva in the stomach.

Back to Hogan’s office for another elimination as this is a freaking reality show now. He throws out Eric and ODB for not being serious enough. He tells both remaining teams to go to the ring.

Garrett isn’t sorry his dad is getting fired.

Ray is on the phone with some chick when Joseph Park comes up to see him. It only took him about three months to find him too. Ray doesn’t like to be touched. He has nothing to say to Park but gets a business card, which he says to shove. Park laughs and needs a good dentist.

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. ???/???

The contenders are Hardy/Anderson and Kaz/Daniels. Hogan picks Hardy/Anderson because Kaz/Daniels aren’t legit or something.

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson

Joe and Anderson start us off and it’s a stalemate. Anderson slaps Hardy on the chest for a tag and it’s Magnus on the other side. They have about the same result so it’s time for more communication issues with Hardy and Anderson. Back with Joe pounding on Anderson and tagging in Magnus. Anderson takes Magnus down and begrudgingly tags in Hardy. The champs double team Jeff and Joe gets two off a Magnus boot. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind and makes the hot tag to Anderson. He cleans house but gets caught in the Clutch as Jeff is on the floor, good for the tap at 10:53.

Rating: C+. Well this was a waste of buildup from a show. They spent the whole show building this title match up and while it was ok, there was nothing great about it and nothing happened. That’s the issue with the whole show: nothing is really happening on it and it’s getting annoying.

Here’s Flair, Gunner, Kaz, Ray and Daniels for the Bischoff party. The fans chant goodbye and Flair tells them he’ll move the party. He says if you know wrestling, you know Eric Bischoff. He asks Eric to come out and praises him for awhile. Gunner gets to thank him for a lot of stuff, Ray calls Eric the wind beneath his wings, and Flair gives him a Rolex.

Cue Garrett and some faces including RVD, Aries and the Guns along with JB. They say it’s time to induct Eric into the shed of shame, which is a portable toilet. The guys go to the ramp for a brawl and Garrett grabs Eric, throwing him in the Port-A-Potty. They chain it shut and turn it over to mess Eric up. Eric comes out of it to end the show. Oh and this got more time than any match tonight.

Overall Rating: D. This was just another episode of Impact but a lot more boring than usual. As always, WAY too much camera time for Hogan and Bischoff. If you look at the show, Ray was in I think four segments, Kaz and Daniels were in about five, Hogan was in something like ten, and NOTHING actually changed here. No titles changed hands, we don’t know about Silva (nothing special) and nothing was advanced for the PPV. This didn’t work for me at all.

Results
D-Von b. Bully Ray – Spinebuster
Kurt Angle b. Anarquia – Ankle Lock
Robbie E. b. Alex Silva – Implant DDT
Brooke Tessmacher b. Gail Kim – Face First Mat Slam
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson – Coquina Clutch to Anderson

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2001
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,641
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

It’s the final show before Unforgiven and obviously based on the date, things have changed tremendously in the whole world. Smackdown basically didn’t happen because of what happened which is perfectly fine, but it’s put them in a bind for building up the show. The good thing is that a lot of things have already been set in stone. The PPV would wind up being solid so let’s get to it.

The show opens with the American flag on the screen and a BIG USA chant. Nothing wrong with that at all.

The main events are Test/Stephanie vs. Rock II and Austin/RVD vs. Jericho/Austin.

WWF Tag Titles: Undertaker/Kane vs. Dudley Boys

Why not for both titles? Because this way if they change hands they can have ANOTHER title match that means nothing on PPVs, because that’s what they needed to fix things right? EVE MORE TITLES! Kane and D-Von start and Kane’s arm is STILL bandaged. Hasn’t that thing been hurt since April now? Kane takes him down with ease and no sells his punches. Sidewalk slam puts D-Von down and Kane drills Bubba so he can hit the top rope clothesline for two.

Off to Taker who has an American flag on his singlet now. D-Von takes him down with a shoulder block and brings in Bubba. Taker knocks down the future Bully almost immediately and hits Old School. Bubba comes back with a belly to back suplex for no cover. Kane comes in and grabs both Dudleys for chokeslams at the same time but D-Von hits him in the arm to break it up. What’s Up Kane?

Here comes a table but it doesn’t get set up. Kane is in trouble but manages to powerbomb Bubba out of the corner and tags Undertaker. A legdrop gets two on D-Von as Kane and Bubba fight on the floor. There goes the referee and cue Kronik. High Times puts Kane through the table and the 3D gives the Dudleys the titles.

Rating: D+. It was another mess but getting at least half of the titles off of Undertaker and Kane was a good thing because you had to have them get cheated to have them lose. That makes their defenses boring because you know no one is going to be able to get a clean win on them. Unfortunately this set up the Brothers vs. Kronik which was horrible.

Shane arrives and is met by Kronik and Richards. Richards offers Kronik’s services to the Alliance which is accepted. Their reward? A WCW Tag Title match on Sunday.

Storm disapproves of the swimsuit photos of Lita in WWF Magazine so he’s going to beat up Jeff tonight. Hurricane flies in and says he needs a sidekick. Storm suggests Ivory (complete with an Ivory soap ad) but Hurricane says he has a better idea and flies away.

Austin and Debra arrive and find RVD on their couch. They’re cool with each other but it doesn’t seem copacetic. RVD implies that he’s the second in command in the Alliance and if Austin is ever on vacation or something, he’d give his best to help out. Austin politely throws him out.

Lance Storm vs. Jeff Hardy

This should be good. They get technical to start and Jeff is fast enough to keep up with Storm. An O’Connor Roll is countered and they head to the floor where Jeff runs the railing for a clothesline. Back inside and Lance hiptosses him over the top and out to the floor. Storm works over the back and a backbreaker gets two. A hard Irish Whip into the corner gets the same.

Lita and Ivory are on the floor. I don’t think that pairing ever got a blowoff match or anything like that, at least not on PPV. Lance stays on the back but Jeff mule kicks out of the hold he’s in. Double legdrop between the legs and a Russian legsweep get two. Whisper in the Wind does as well, and wasn’t it nice for Storm to stand there for Jeff to hit it. Ivory’s quick distraction lets Storm hit a superkick for two. Lita goes after her and has to slap Lance as well. Jeff dives on Storm but the Swanton hits knees. Jeff tries a middle rope rana but gets caught in the Mapleleaf for the rare Jeff Hardy tap out.

Rating: C+. I liked this about as well as I thought I would. The girls were obviously going to get involved and thankfully they were only involved a little. The ending was clean and tied into the majority of the back work that Storm did earlier in the match which is all you can ask for. Fun match but I’d have liked it getting more than six minutes.

Shane asks Stephanie why she was in the handicap match last week. She says she had a plan which didn’t work that well because Booker was late. Tonight she’s in it again because….? Shane shows her what almost happened last week and Stephanie says he can’t tell her what to do. Taz comes in and wants respect so Shane gives him a match.

Perry Saturn vs. Shawn Stasiak

During Saturn’s entrance we get a recap of the Moppy Saga. Saturn runs in a circle to start so Stasiak clotheslines him down. Tilt-a-whirl slam gets two. A clothesline in the corner hits but Saturn hits something like an armdrag to take over. There’s a belly to belly and a spinning springboard dropkick for two. Stasiak comes back with a jumping back elbow for two. Saturn hits a northern lights suplex but Stacy has the referee. Shawn gets her down and kicks out of a superkick. Saturn runs the ropes and Stasiak falls on his face avoiding a leapfrog. Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza ends this short match.

Terri and Raven pop up on the screen with Moppy and put it through a wood chipper. You have Raven and Saturn and the feud is over a freaking mop. And people wonder why this whole Invasion story bombed.

HEY LOOK! IT’S STEPHANIE COMPLAINING ABOUT HER BROTHER! AGAIN! This time it’s to RVD. It’s now RVD vs. Jericho on Sunday for the Hardcore Title.

Hurricane offers his sidekick spot to Molly. Spike comes in to protest. You know where this is going.

Taz comes to see Shane and Booker, only to find out that his match is against the two of them.

Donate to the Red Cross. Nothing wrong with that.

Booker T/Shane McMahon vs. Taz

They double team Taz to start until Booker officially starts. Since Taz is down, Shane comes in for a Hart Attack. Jumping back elbow gets two. Back to Booker and never mind as Shane is in about 15 seconds later. Taz I think tags Booker for some reason before everyone heads to the floor. While Booker has the referee, Shane dives off the barricade with a clothesline.

Back inside Booker drops a knee and hits the Spinarooni. Shane gets in some free shots but slaps him once too often so Taz remembers that he was a killing machine in ECW and runs them both over. Tazmission is broken up by Shane and Booker “hits” the ax kick (Taz dropped about three seconds before Booker hit him. It was Taz’s fault) and the top rope elbow gets the pin.

Rating: D. Uh….ok? A guy that is a much bigger star than Taz and has a partner who is pretty talented in his own part can beat Taz (I’ll let you figure out who I mean by each of those descriptions) in a match that could have easily been cut in half. Not a godo match or anything and I’m not really sure what it proved.

Christian doesn’t care that Edge hasn’t been seen in two weeks. He wants the US Title to go with the IC Title he’s winning on Sunday.

European Title: Hurricane vs. Spike Dudley

Hurricane takes him to the mat followed by Spike taking him to the mat. They fight over a top wristlock with Hurricane throwing in a quick pose, thereby making him awesome. Hurricane takes him down and goes up, but Molly takes the cape. Now that’s just not nice. Spike goes up but gets shoved down and into the barricade. She throws the cape in and goes up (which the referee ignores) and accidentally dropkicks Spike. Eye of the Hurricane retains the belt after a short and uninteresting match.

We run down the Unforgiven card. Ok maybe just two match.

We get a few shots of some fans at WWF New York. Nice touch.

Torrie is looking GOOD in the back and runs into Shane. He thinks Torrie is manipulating Tajiri and is very proud of her for getting as far as she has.

Angle says he’ll win on Sunday when RVD pops up to point out that the fans were cheering for him. Angle says on Sunday, they’ll be chanting USA.

US Title: Christian vs. Tajiri

Christian jumps Tajiri while he’s kissing Torrie and we’re ready to go. They chop it out in the corner but Tajiri gets bored with that and kicks Christian in the head instead. He tries a rana but gets powerbombed down instead. Backbreaker gets two. Christian pounds on him a bit but gets his head kicks off and the champ takes over. The always awesome handspring elbow gets two. There’s the Tarantula but Tajiri misses a lot of kicks. Out to the floor and Christian loads up the Conchairto. Tajiri tries the Mist to defend himself but hits the referee instead and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C-. How could Christian vs. Tajiri be this boring? Oh, probably because it had four minutes and had no story behind it at all and was there so that Edge could run in at the end to set up the PPV match a little bit better? Not a horrible match or anything but when you had two guys like this out there, you should get a good match. On the other hand, I don’t remember Torrie looking this good in a VERY long time.

Edge runs in post match (duh) to break up the Conchairto and chase off Christian. The look on his face was the first time I thought Edge awesome.

During the break Rhyno Gored Tajiri, which set up their match on Sunday.

Shane makes that title match I just mentioned.

Stephanie McMahon/Test vs. The Rock

Stephanie is on the apron here and is knocked off almost immediately. Rock sends Test to the floor and the beating begins. Back inside Rock gets two but Test pounds him into the corner. Rock fires off some rights but walks into a gutwrench powerbomb for two. Test beats him down again and Stephanie comes in, only for Rock to nip up. The Canadian runs him over again and loads up the big boot but instead he walks into a Rock Bottom. Nick Patrick is with Stephanie though and that earns him a Rock Bottom of his own. Rock goes after Steph but Shane and Booker run in. Everyone hits their finishers and Steph gets the pin.

Rating: D+. I don’t particularly get how this is supposed to make me want to see Booker and Shane vs. Rock on Sunday but it got Stephanie on TV and let her pin the Rock so it must be a good idea right? Just have Rock face Shane and then have Booker and everyone else interfere and let Shane get the pin. How is that any different? Oh right: it doesn’t let Stephanie get to be on TV. Got it.

Austin won’t come out of his dressing room when RVD says their match is next. Austin says he’ll see Rob out there. Rob knocks a few more times and gets him to open the door in a bit I don’t really get.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam/Steve Austin

They brawl on the floor to start as the fans chant USA. Wouldn’t that chant be more be for the Alliance team since they’re bother Americans? Austin and Jericho start with the champion in control. He puts Jericho on the top rope but gets caught by a dropkick for two. Off to Van Dam who misses some kicks and gets taken down by an enziguri. Here’s Angle who hits a cross body and glares at Austin.

Spinebuster gets two for Kurt. Jericho comes in and has to fight off both guys but walks into a kick from Van Dam to send him to the floor. Austin tries to piledrive him on the floor but Angle makes the save. Van Dam puts Jericho on the barricade and hits the spinning legdrop which gets two back in the ring. Austin comes in and hooks a sleeper which doesn’t last long. Jericho and Van Dam knock each other down and it’s hot tag to Angle.

Van Dam accidentally kicks Austin and gets suplexed for his troubles. Austin throws Angle into the referee and gets caught in the ankle lock but Van Dam saves. Van Dam gets put in the Walls so Austin gets the bell and clocks Jericho with it but the referee stops a similar shot to Angle. Rollup gets two for Kurt as does a suplex. Stunner is countered into the Angle Slam which is good for three.

Rating: C+. Standard good main event tag match here and THIS is how you build up Austin vs. Angle. Angle beat Austin (mostly) clean in a non-title match so there’s a reason to believe that he can do it again on Sunday, giving us a reason to want to watch the match to see if he can. That’s basic booking and no one can seem to get that anymore. This was a good match.

Overall Rating: C+. The show was good again this week but you can still see all of the major problems this show has. It’s like a nice painting covering up a huge hole in a wall: the outside looks good but it doesn’t change the fact that the hole is there. Stephanie needs to pick a story and stick with it, because her nose is in EVERYTHING right now and it’s not helping. Look at Shane: he pops up with different people but he’s not the focal point of anything but Rock’s feud, which makes him much more effect. Well that and he can actually do stuff. Stephanie is heavily involved in multiple stories and it’s not helping.

Also you still have the huge rosters and most of the people have nothing to do other than pop up every now and then. Case in point: Saturn and Raven. You have these two talented guys and the best you can do is throw them together because of a mop? Do they think people are going to care about that? That’s another issue with this: we have no reason to care about these guys and like I’ve been saying for weeks now, the Invasion happened and now….what? There never was an answer to that and it’s becoming more and more of a problem.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested:

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