Back to the girls with ODB.

ODB got her start around 2003 but we’ll be picking her up in OVW in a three way match on October 15, 2006.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. ODB vs. Katie Lea

Beth is defending. I always forget how good looking Katie is. There’s barely any contact made for the first minute until Beth gets double teamed down. A double hiptoss puts Beth down again but as is always the case in a threeway, ODB goes after Katie like a dolt. Beth is right back up and we get into the three way brawl again.

Katie gets two with a small package on ODB and a rollup gets the same. Now Beth steals a pin of her own but ODB is all ticked off. The fall away slam from ODB gives Beth a two count, so ODB rams her ten times into her crotch in the corner (it’s the turnbuckle but the crotch is funnier or something). We take a break and come back with ODB holding Katie in a bearhug and Beth down in the corner. A swinging neckbreaker on Beth gives ODB another two count but Katie makes the save.

That doesn’t please ODB so she puts Katie in the Tree of Woe before sending Beth face first into Katie with a drop toehold. We get the triple sleeper spot which goes nowhere as always. Beth rips a turnbuckle pad off but gets slammed down by both challengers. She can’t get a chair in but Katie can get a side slam on ODB for two. ODB goes up and the other girls fight over who gets to slam her down.

They finally settle on a Tower of Doom with Beth powerbombing Katie who superplexes ODB. Beth gets two on Katie but Lea sends Beth out to the floor. The champion picks up the title and knocks Katie silly but ODB makes a last second save. Beth lifts ODB up in a fireman’s carry but Serena runs in to spear Phoenix down for a DQ. In a triple threat?

Rating: B-. Good stuff here until the odd ending. I’m guessing they were hoping to keep the challengers strong, but there comes a point in a fifteen minute match where they’re not going to lose anything by not picking up the title. This was a solid match and yet more proof that there are good looking women who can have good matches.

Another OVW match, from some point in the first five months of 2007.

ODB vs. Melody

Melody would become as much of a blonde bombshell as you can get, though she has purple hair here. ODB comes out with a glittery cooler and her Miss OVW sash. Women’s Champion Katie Lea sits in on commentary to brag about manipulating Melody and hating ODB. ODB runs over Melody to start but misses a charge in the corner. A bad looking elbow to the back of the head gets two for Melody and she puts on a choke.

ODB fights back and runs Melody over as Katie brags about being the toughest English wrestler in the world. A fall away slam puts Melody down and ODB sits on the top rope for ten rams into the buckle (which was supposed to look like her crotch because that’s funny). ODB’s middle rope Thesz Press gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was just storyline stuff for the ODB showdown with Katie Lea where ODB would take the title. Melody was there for how she looked in shorts instead of anything resembling skill, making her perfect for a women’s wrestler at this point. Nothing to the match but it did what it was supposed to do.

ODB would head to TNA in late 2007 with one of her first singles matches coming on January 17, 2008’s Impact.

ODB vs. Angelina Love

The idea here should be obvious. ODB jumps Love as she comes in and hammers away, much to the crowd’s delight. A kick to the face looks to set up a Thesz Press off the middle rope but Angelina notices the flying ODB and steps to the side. Angelina gets two off a jawbreaker and the Botox Injection (not yet named) gets two. ODB comes back with a powerslam for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. ODB’s charisma helped here and thankfully this was still a fresh match at the time. Angelina was still figuring out her character at this point but she had the tight tops and pants down already. ODB would get a nice push in the coming months and was already #1 contender at this point.

Here’s her title shot, at Against All Odds 2008.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Awesome Kong

They pull each others’ hair and ODB tries a slam which fails completely. ODB hits the floor and Raisha Saed, Kong’s mouthpiece, gets in her face. Back in and ODB is sent into the corner and a splash crushes her. Out to the floor again with Kong in control but her knee is hurting. ODB grabs her chest which is enough to wake her up somehow.

This is dull as all goodness if you didn’t get that. Kong tries the powerbomb but ODB fights her off and sits on the top rope. Kong hits the spinning backfist to the head and we’re back on the mat again. Thesz Press is caught so ODB, who isn’t a small girl by any means, tries a dropkick. The Thesz Press from the middle rope gets her down though but she still can’t slam Kong. Implant Buster gets two.

ODB nips up to avoid a middle rope splash and slams Kong for two. Gee maybe if it was bigger than a slam it would have worked. She gets a shot from her flask to wake her up. ODB can’t put Kong down still though. She hits Saed though and there’s the spinning backfist and the Awesome Bomb from Kong to retain.

Rating: D-. This was sloppy, dull, not interesting and just weak overall. They tried but the similarity of styles hurt it too much. You need power vs. speed rather than power vs. power. It took the Beautiful People to stop Kong and they were a breath of air into the division. This was pretty weak though.

With ODB being the uncouth one, she would be put in a feud with the Beautiful People. This set up a Bimbo Brawl, meaning a street fight, at Bound For Glory 2008.

ODB/Rhaka Khan/Rhyno vs. Beautiful People/Cute Kip

Traci Brooks is referee here and comes out to a cover of Rag Doll by Aerosmith. Just Skye and Love at this point. This is a Bimbo Brawl apparently. You know because 6 person tag is just too hard to say I guess. Kip gets in the face of a Detroit Tiger who is in Chicago just because I guess. ODB and Velvet start us off.

West tries to convince us that Rhyno and Kip are very similar physically. And people wonder why he was replaced. Genders can intertwine here apparently. Basically the Beautiful People keep trying to get various shots in, none of which work. Everyone keeps hiding from Khan other than Kip. Both of them go for chokeslams. She grabs his balls as this is going absolutely nowhere.

Khan is really bad in the ring to put it mildly. Why does ODB think she’s hot? Makeup box to ODB’s head sends her to the floor. ODB spanks herself to get fired up for…a tag. Thankfully the guys come in as the girls just aren’t that good at this point. Fameasser is blocked as Rhyno just stands up and Gores Kip to end it.

Rating: F+. And that’s only for Velvet. This was just boring as all goodness with six minutes of the girls doing nothing, leaving Rhyno as the best person in there. Let that sink in for a bit. Just a bad match that never did anything at all of note. At least it was short I guess.

Around this time, ODB would get a boyfriend in the form of Cody Deaner, who won a contest to spend a night with her. This led to exactly what you would expect, which we’ll get back to later. While not champion yet, ODB was one of the most over Knockouts on the roster and would be entered in the Queen of the Cage match at Lockdown 2009.

Madison Rayne vs. Sojourner Bolt vs. ODB vs. Daffney

This is Queen of the Cage which I think is just a fatal fourway for the name Queen of the Cage. Rayne is fairly new here. Apparently the winner gets a title shot. Deaner is with ODB. Daffney was the Governor recently as TNA decided to have a Sarah Palin character. ODB gets some Liquid Courage to make things all good. There’s an album pitch in there somewhere.

I’m pretty sure this is just the first fall wins it. Yeah that’s what it is according to West. Everyone beats down ODB and then the other three have a little thing. Deaner slips the flask through the cage to her which fires her way up. Daffney hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza on Bolt. More drinking from ODB which is spat into Bolt’s face and a powerslam ends it.

Rating: D. Yeah I hated this. It was like six minutes long and was based around the joke of her more or less being an alcoholic. This was a waste of time and the ending was about as clear as a glass of water. Deaner and the whole white trash angle made Noble and Nidia look good. Not a fan of these matches at all.

Her title shot came at Hard Justice 2009.

Knockout Title: Velvet Sky/Angelina Love vs. Cody Deaner/ODB

Ok so Angelina is champion here and it’s a tag match with a guy fighting for the women’s title. Just go with it. Madison is with the blondes here. Angelina and ODB start us off here This is a rather basic match here and Angelina looks far better with fewer tattoos on her arm. Velvet comes in and do you really think it matters what goes on in this? Deaner comes in and spanks Velvet a bit.

Angelina comes in and gets a quick two on ODB. The heels take over as you would expect them to here. Velvet is rather red from the spanking. I didn’t need the image of Deaner doing that. Seated dropkick gets two for Angelina. Deaner comes back in and kisses both blondes. Make that all three of them as Madison takes some tongue apparently. The girls finally get it together and beat up Cody, only for him to avoid some hairspray from Madison and roll up Velvet for the pin and the title for ODB. Deaner would claim he was the real champion, because that’s how TNA rolls.

Rating: D. Yeah this was a mess. Velvet is hot as is Angelina, but ODB and Deaner were the focus here and I don’t see the need to have Deaner involved here at all. I think this led to Madison being tossed out of the team but that could have been done in a singles match also. Weak match and a stupid angle.

The title would be stripped soon, setting up ODB vs. Deaner at No Surrender 2009.

Knockout Title: Cody Deaner vs. ODB

Oh and these two used to date. That needs to be thrown in for no apparent reason. Naturally it’s a comedy match with ODB dominating. Low blow doesn’t work on ODB of course because she doesn’t have balls. Out to the floor and she dives on Deaner to take him down. Deaner isn’t allowed to punch her apparently which wasn’t announced but the referee says so and that’s law I guess.

Deaner slams her as this turns into ever other man vs. woman match with the guy doing very basic stuff to her and it’s supposed to be all devastating and no one cares. Deaner gets a shot from the flask so ODB grabs him by the balls as he comes off the middle rope. Thesz Press gets two for ODB and I remember watching this match, thinking if not begging that they wouldn’t let Deaner have the belt. Deaner and the referee argue into a rollup for two by ODB. There’s a comedy spot on a sunset flip and we’re finally done after a TKO to give ODB the title.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match but the joke sucked and I don’t know how many people cared about ODB at the end of the day. At least she has the title and breasts which is the point of the title. Anyway pretty weak match here but it was at least somewhat competitive which is all you can ask for at times.

ODB would be champion heading into Bound For Glory 2009 with Deaner gone thank goodness.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. ODB vs. Awesome Kong

ODB has beaten both of them already so we’ll just do it one more time I guess. Should be noted that this is the 5th match on the card, the fifth title match and the fifth match that isn’t a standard one on one or tag match. Think they’re overdoing anything here? Tara’s legs are awesome if nothing else. I never got the appeal of the ODB character at all.

Kong jumps both girls immediately but Tara goes right for her. And so much for that theory as Kong just crushes them. Middle rope splash misses both of them though and we get the rather sexy shirt rip off from Tara. She’d wear these tiny shorts and a Tapout shirt which she’d rip off to more or less reveal a half shirt. The faces fight over who gets the pin as it’s pure formula stuff here but FAR better than the Legends Title match.

Tara hooks the Tarantula but Kong makes the save, which isn’t really a save as you can’t get a submission there but you get the point. Tara gets into it with some fan that might be legit but I’m not sure. Upon further review it was Randy Couture’s wife who had wanted to do an MMA fight with Tara. All planned but TNA messed up the shot and didn’t see it. Why does this not surprise me?

Back in the ring Kong hits the middle rope splash on ODB, covering the entire front row in silicone. It gets two though as Tara makes the save. Implant Buster gets two as ODB kicks out on her own. Saed comes out and throws in a chair but Kong says no. She goes for a powerbomb on ODB and Saed slides the chair in again but ODB reverses into a face plant to the chair for the pin. Nice ending.

Rating: C-. Not a great match or anything but FAR better than the other one. There was a story and flow here rather than in the Legends match where nothing had any purpose it seemed. Everything worked here and while it’s not great it’s certainly watchable. Not bad here and definitely ok.

ODB would lose the title to Tara at Final Resolution. With everything changing in TNA, ODB would get a rematch for the title on the January 4, 2010 Impact.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Tara

It’s a brawl to start as ODB takes a shot from the flask. Tara stops her in the corner with an elbow before dropping ODB with a running clothesline. Some kicks to the ribs have ODB in trouble and a slam sets up the standing moonsault for two. Tara hooks a Tarantula followed by a slingshot flip legdrop and MAKE SURE TO FOLLOW DIXIE ON TWITTER! ODB counters the Black Widow into a rollup with tights (complete with going to a crowd shot when she pulled too far) for the pin and the title.

Here’s the rematch from Genesis 2010.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. ODB

This is 2/3 falls which makes sense as they’ve had a match or two before and you can’t have the same match again as we had a few weeks ago and then ask people to pay for it. THAT WOULD MAKE NO SENSE! That Broken song is AWESOME. There’s not a ton going on in the first few minutes here as it’s just them going back and forth.

This is the problem with 2/3 falls matches: you don’t have to really pay attention until the second fall, which is starting right now as Tara hooks a small package for the first fall. Tara hooks the tarantula. Not a lot is going on here at all. We get a great shot of Tara’s hips to make this match much better. Brooke shot number 6. This time she’s with Joey Fatone.

If TNA insists on the celebrity thing, get celebrities that have mattered this millennium. ODB uses the freaking Tumbleweed. Are we in the mid 70s all of a sudden? She pulls something out of her cleavage to be odd before hitting a powerslam for two. This is kind of meandering along and needs to end soon. ODB keeps touching herself and checking her pulse. It’s freaking stupid looking. And the Widow’s Peak ends it. The timing was pretty good if nothing else. What is up with the freaking spider???

Rating: C-. Not great here as the 2/3 falls thing felt way too much like a gimmick for the sake of having a gimmick which I can If never advocate. Tara winning the title is fine, but she didn’t need to get two straight wins to do it. That was overkill which is never a good thing.

ODB would leave TNA for awhile before returning in 2011 as part of an alliance with Jacqueline because what would wrestling be without Jacqueline? Here’s one match from the pairing so we can move on to ANYTHING else. From July 7, 2011 on Impact.

Velvet Sky vs. ODB/Jackie

If Velvet wins, the two annoying girls leave TNA, despite technically not being in it right now. Velvet comes in through the crowd with a chair and takes out Jackie with a shot to the back. She and ODB start us off and Velvet is dominating. Jackie gets back in and the numbers start catching up with Velvet. We finally get down to regular tagging and never mind that as we’re back to the two on one at once. ODB tries to bring the chair back in but hits Jackie by mistake. A DDT by Velvet pins Jackie at 5:00.

Rating: D. The only good thing here was that ODB and Jackie are allegedly out of TNA now. The match wasn’t anything more than an ending to this story (I hope) and other than that it was just bad. Velvet isn’t that great in the ring and on her own she’s not capable of much physically other than looking good. Bad match.

Next up was a love story with Eric Young, leading to the two of them getting a Knockouts Tag Team Title shot because that’s how comedy in TNA works.

Knockout Tag Titles: ODB/Eric Young vs. Rosita/Sarita

The wedding is April 12. Oh great. Eric and Rosita start us off but Eric tags out to ODB with no contact. She takes Rosita down and misses the Bronco Buster. Sarita comes in and doesn’t do much so it’s back to Rosita. She takes a kick in the chest and a “spear” to set up the tag to Young. He does some cartwheels and takes off his pants. The girls hit on Eric and ODB gets mad about it. ODB cleans house and hits the Bam on Rosita before asking where Eric’s ring is. He can’t produce it so she kisses him and puts Eric on top of Rosita for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: F. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I HATE this angle and we’re going to have to put up with it for the next freaking month because we need COMEDY on this show because there’s so much going on we can’t even get the TV Champion on the show already, but we need time to have Eric strip every week.

Despite being a champion, ODB would barely wrestle. She would still be half of the Tag Champions when she had this match on October 18, 2012’s Impact.

Tara vs. ODB

Non-title and ODB yells at Eric on the phone for not being here. She’s still on the phone during her entrance. ODB grabs Tara and pounds away to start. Apparently Tessmacher gets a rematch next week. ODB puts her ring in her picket which can’t be a good thing. She slams Tara down and talks to Eric on the phone some more. Jesse gets his face shoved in ODB’s chest and it’s back to the phone. Tara keeps pulling ODB’s hair and let’s stop for more kissing. ODB takes a shot from the flak, spits it at Jesse, and hits the Bam for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: D. I hated this. I hate reality TV, I hate alcohol, I thought the phone thing was stupid, and I hate the booking of having the new champion lose four days after the title change. Oh and I hate women’s wrestling in general. Nothing to see here and I don’t care about anything that just happened.

Thankfully the titles would be stripped and retired in June 2013. ODB would only wrestle a handful of times in 2013, including this match at Hardcore Justice 2013.

Mickie James vs. ODB vs. Gail Kim

This is a hardcore match and not for Mickie’s title. ODB runs them over to start and hits her chest grabbing splashes on both girls in the corner. Mickie pulls her out of the corner but Gail isn’t interested in an alliance. Gail pounds on ODB as Mickie wedges a chair into the corner. ODB is whipped into said chair and the other girls get a stereo two count. Mickie rolls up Gail for two and they slug it out with until Gail is sent to the floor. Kim sends ODB back inside and goes to look for a weapon but gets a knee from Mickie instead.

James finds a kendo stick from somewhere and cracks ODB over the back before choking Gail with it. ODB comes back in and pounds on them with the stick before pulling one of her two bras out of the top to choke both girls with it. Mickie gets in a shot and puts on the figure four around the post as Gail chokes away but they can’t get along again. ODB gets a shot from the flask and sprays Mickie in the face but Gail breaks up the Bam. Another stick shot misses and ODB hits the Bam on Gail on the chair for the pin at 6:48.

Rating: D+. Did you know ODB was uncouth and does stuff that isn’t proper or whatever you call it? Don’t worry if you don’t because TNA will beat it over your head until you get the idea. The match was nothing special and felt more like a WWE style street fight with the really basic weapons and little more.

That and a few other wins were enough to get ODB a Knockouts Title shot on September 19, 2013’s Impact.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Mickie James

Mickie is defending. ODB easily turns back a sneak attack and pounds away on Mickie but gets dropkicked down for two. Mickie charges into an elbow in the corner but she pulls ODB down off the middle rope to take over. A spear puts Mickie down for two more and there’s the fall away slam to send Mickie to the floor. She wants a timeout but trips ODB up, catching her inside the ring skirt as we take a break.

Back with Mickie getting two off a neckbreaker and catching a charging ODB with a boot to the jaw. A hurricanrana out of the corner is countered into an ODB powerbomb to put both girls down. They slug it out with ODB taking over and putting Mickie down with a clothesline. Back up and a suplex is good for two on the champion but she catches ODB with a spinning kick to the face to take over again. Mickie loads up a tornado DDT out of the corner, only to have ODB counter it into the Bam for the pin and the title at 10:55.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but how many times can we have the same pairings over and over again in this division? Mickie is apparently leaving after this match, so who in the world is ODB supposed to fight now? Velvet? Brooke? Are either of them even active wrestlers at this point?

We’ll wrap this up at Final Resolution 2013 as ODB has lost the title but is out for revenge on Gail Kim’s monster Lei’D Tapa.

Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa vs. ODB/Madison Rayne

Tapa throws Madison down to start so it’s off to ODB for the power showdown. ODB gets slammed with ease and it’s off to Gail as the announcers talk about a kickboxing show. The champion lays in some kicks before it’s back to Tapa for some choking. Tapa misses a charge in the corner and it’s off to Madison for some house cleaning. ODB is sent to the floor but Madison counters Eat Defeat into a backslide for the pin at 5:50.

Rating: D+. This was what it was. Madison is a good hand to have back and the new looks works very well for her, but bringing in one new girl isn’t going to help the division’s long term problems. Tapa continues to bore me to death every time I see her. She’s big and different looking and that’s the end of her appeal.

ODB is the epitome of a one note character that appeals to the lowest common denomenator. She can have some decent matches though and is full of charisma, which is more than I can say about most of the division. At the end of the day though, she suffers from the same problem all of the Knockouts have: we’ve seen all of these matches a dozen times, making it hard to get involved in the feuds again.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 13, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

For the first time since October we’re coming off a pay per view and MVP is now in full control. His team won Lethal Lockdown with the help of Bully Ray swerving Dixie Carter by screwing over Team Roode this past Sunday. Other than that Abyss has been revealed as Magnus’ bodyguard/enforcer after saving the title when Samoa Joe had Magnus beaten. Tonight should be a fresh start for the company as we head towards Sacrifice at the end of next month. Let’s get to it.

The show is dedicated to Donovan Hill, who passed away at less than ten years old. I’m not sure who that is but he’s called “Our Angel.”

The Bro Mans and Ethan blame Roode for the loss but Roode says blame it on Bully Ray. A plot is hatched to take care of the Bully.

We look at some clips from Lockdown, focusing on the ends of the double main event.

Here’s a happy MVP to open the show. He’s pleased to tell us that Dixieland is officially closed for business. Just a week ago he was the minority owner but now he’s in charge and moving forward. He doesn’t know why Bully Ray did what he did but his past sins are now forgiven and he can compete like everyone else on the roster. MVP will be running this roster with the MVP Principle: Motivate, Validate, Participate. If someone has an issue, they can come deal with it, but he’s willing to give out some physical discipline if necessary.

This brings out Magnus with a rebuttal. He says this is the most ridiculous thing he’s ever seen. MVP: “More ridiculous than your title run?” Magnus talks about how Dixie is gone so now we can look at the important things like his title reign. He brings out his associate Abyss (in a new brown mask close to what Kane wore in 2002 and yellow/black trench coat) and agrees with the fans chanting YOU SOLD OUT. Magnus says he isn’t like Jim Mitchell or Eric Young because he’s going to pay Abyss to do whatever he wants.

MVP says Magnus was beaten at Lockdown until Abyss saved him. We should put this conversation on hold though, because we need Samoa Joe out here right now. Joe comes out holding his ribs but MVP says we’re not done yet. Therefore, Joe is still #1 contender and getting a match right now against Abyss.

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe

Joe takes him down and hammers away as we take a quick break. Back with Joe in control and hammering Abyss from one corner to another. He hits the Facewash in the corner but gets caught by a right hand to the injured ribs to change control. Abyss chokes on the ropes and punches in the corner like a monster should be doing.

We hit a quick neck crank but Joe fights out of a chokeslam attempt. A running boot puts Abyss down and there’s the back splash but Joe hurts his ribs again. He’s able to powerslam the monster down but Abyss fights out of a MuscleBuster attempt. Joe jumps from the middle rope into a chokeslam so Abyss goes outside to get Janice. This brings in Eric Young to dropkick Abyss down for the DQ at 9:30.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but too much of it was in the commercial. It didn’t help that Joe was injured for such a long portion. Eric coming in makes sense but it doesn’t really have me fired up for the upcoming blowoff match. They had to get rid of Abyss vs. Joe somehow if they’re keeping Joe going after the title.

JB is in the back for an interview when Angelina Love returns and asks if he missed her.

Bully Ray is on his way but we cut over to Willow for one of his freaky promos that I can’t understand.

Brittany vs. Gail Kim

Brittany is debuting here despite being Santana Garrett on a One Night Only show. We get a quick profile on her, saying she’s a second generation wrestler and admires Madison Rayne. Gail goes off on Brittany but the newcomer comes back with a forearm. Kim takes her down with a quick backbreaker and sends her into the corner for some kicks and shoulders to the ribs. Brittany takes her down with a Russian legsweep and Tapa comes in. She accidentally splashes Gail though and Brittany grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:02.

Post match Gail goes off on Tapa but gets laid out and beaten up with ease.

Bully Ray arrives and gets jumped by Ethan, the Bro Mans and Roode. They choke him out and blast Ray in the head with a big board to leave him laying.

Bro Mans vs. Sanada/Tigre Uno

Non-title. Zema does the full intro to great comedic effect. We get a video of Great Muta praising Sanada and telling him to make Japan look great. Sanada gets slammed down by Jesse to start and there’s that horn. Off to Tigre who works on Robbie’s arm to the appeal of the crowd. Jesse gorilla presses the masked Tigre and pumps him over and over, only to have Sanada come in with a springboard chop to the head.

A nice double dropkick puts Robbie down and Jesse gets suplexed onto his partner. The tag champs bail to the floor and Sanada backdrops Uno onto them both in a BIG crash. Back in and double missile dropkicks put the Bro Mans down again before Sanada hits a moonsault for the pin on Robbie at 2:50.

Velvet Sky freaks out that Angelina Love is back.

Bully destroys the Bro Mans to get some revenge.

Samuel Shaw is talking to Christy and wants her out there for his rematch with Anderson. He gets annoyed when the cameraman sees him. Christy was never seen or heard in the shot.

Ethan and Spud have a tribute to Dixie up next.

Samoa Joe goes to yell at Eric Young for interfering earlier but says don’t do it again. Eric has gotten Joe a rematch next week against Magnus for the title and Eric will be chained to Abyss.

It’s time for the tribute to Dixie. The fans are glad that she’s gone but Spud is overly emotional. The fans switch to a BORING chant, but Ethan says that just makes Spud want to cry more. Spud talks about how tonight is about how Dixie made everyone feel, including supple young Ethan. Dixie picked him up like Mary lifting Jesus out of the manger and made him the man he is today.

We get a video tribute to Dixie with shots of her smiling and yelling at various people. Then one night it was all taken away in Miami Beach. MVP can take away her power, but he’ll never take her out of our hearts. Spud reads what sounds like the song Dixie until MVP breaks this up. He says Dixie is just in the back shuffling papers now. Over the last few weeks, Spud has grown on him like a fungus or a rash.

Spud and Ethan must be loyal if they put up with Dixie but now it’s time for them to back it up in the ring. Spud says he can’t wrestle because he’s small and the Chief of Staff. MVP says that’s cool because we don’t need a Chief of Staff anymore. He gives Spud a pep talk and Spud wants to fight, so tonight it’s Spud vs. Willow. The announcers just say it’s Jeff Hardy’s alter ego.

Ethan shouldn’t laugh because next week he gets to face Bobby Lashley. Bobby comes out for a staredown and MVP says he’s officially on the roster. Spud yells at Bobby so Lashley bops him with the Dixie portrait. The former Chief of Staff snuggles up to it before Ethan leaves in a huff.

JB is waiting for Ethan behind the curtain and Ethan promises to take out Lashley’s knee next week. Bully Ray jumps him and hits a HARD shot to the head. Ethan takes a hard shot with a plastic board of his own.

Samuel Shaw vs. Mr. Anderson

Street fight. Shaw was talking to the upper body of a mannequin with a red wig. Anderson does his intro but Shaw sneaks up in the darkness to jump him before the bell. Anderson comes back with some right hands and but gets whipped into the steps. Samuel drives him back first into the apron and grabs a suplex on the floor.

Anderson finally throws him into the ring and they slug it out some more until Anderson gets the swinging neckbreaker and rolling fireman’s carry. Mr. goes to the corner and grabs the mannequin’s hair, sending Shaw into a panic. He gives it a kiss and tosses it to Shaw who takes his time sitting it down, allowing the Mic Check to hit for the pin at 3:57.

Rating: D. Why in the world did this need to be a street fight? You could have done the exact same match with a brawl before the bell and thent he exact same finish. Shaw continues to be freaky and good in the role which is more than he could have done on his own. It was fine for a quick match but the gimmick brings it down.

Anderson shouts his name into the mannequin’s face.

Angelina says she’s back for someone special.

Video on the fan parties at house shows.

Willow stares at the camera.

Kenny King of the Night video.

Here’s Angelina for her return speech. She never thought she would hear that music again but it’s great to be back in TNA. She has grown wiser in the time since she left. Her dad told her that she’ll never miss what she has until it’s gone and that’s what happened with TNA. Friendships are more important though so she invites Velvet out here. They hug hello and Angelina says she never got to say goodbye.

Being apart for the last few years has made Angelina realize that Velvet made her who she is in this business. For years, Angel Williams (her ring name outside of TNA) wasn’t getting noticed but as Angelina Love she teamed with Velvet Sky and got noticed. Now every day she’s asked when the Beautiful People are getting back together and Angelina thinks the time is now.

The fans chant YES but Velvet isn’t sure because she’s found herself since Angelina has been gone. She even won the Knockouts Title for the first time and now she thinks she’s ready to move on. There will never be a bond as strong as the Beautiful People had and she wants to move forward. Angelina calls her dude and says there’s a ton of unfinished business for the Beautiful People. Love tries one more time but Velvet says she needs more time.

Willow vs. Rockstar Spud

We’re in early squash mode with Willow hammering away in the corner. A cartwheel splash has Sput in even more trouble and Willow dances a bit. Spud gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Willow gets his umbrella to blast Spud low for the DQ at 2:26.

Willow beats up the referee and pulls out a ladder before Pillmanizing Spud’s leg as revenge for costing Hardy the title. He stomps on it twice and hits a splash from the top of the ladder onto Spud’s chest, hurting the leg again in the process.  Bully Ray comes out as we take a break.

Ray says he can’t believe the fans are cheering for him. They say right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. That happened to him when Anderson Mic Checked him into the coffin. He was going to give an explanation for what happened, but those four guys made this physical. If Roode had won on Sunday, he would have become just another Dixie Carter and that’s the last thing wrestling needs.

Ray wants Roode out here right now so here’s Bobby. He hits the ring and is immediately taken down so Bully can go get the tables. It takes too long though and Roode comes back with a spinebuster before setting up the table. The Roode Bomb is countered and Ray grabs a Cutter. A powerbomb through the table ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. Another good show here with stories making sense and good wrestling to back it up. Ray turning face makes sense and he’s still a good talker so he can back it up. Dixie is hopefully gone and Spud should be off TV as well. That being said, they rushed through the Ray story WAY too fast. Ray getting attacked and getting revenge could be spread out for a month but they did it in two hours. There’s hope for TNA, but I don’t believe they can make it last longer than two months.

Results

Abyss b. Samoa Joe via DQ when Eric Young interfered

Brittany b. Gail Kim – Rollup

Sanada/Tigre Uno b. Bro Mans – Moonsault to Robbie

Mr. Anderson b. Samuel Shaw – Mic Check

Rockstar Spud b. Willow via DQ when Willow hit Spud with an umbrella

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We’ll head back to Canada for someone a bit better looking than Jacques Rougeau: Gail Kim.

Gail signed with WWE in 2002 and debuted in a battle royal on June 30, 2003. There was actually dome hype for her debut with vignettes reminiscent of the Matrix.

Womens’ Title: Battle Royal

Jazz, Jacqueline, Trish Stratus, Victoria, Gail Kim, Molly Holly, Ivory

Jazz is defending but injured coming in, hence the need for the odd method of defending the title. She’s still able to slam Ivory down but gets kicked in the head by Victoria. This is one of those matches where you can barely call anything because it’s such a big mess. Ivory is quickly thrown out and Jazz lays down because of her injuries. Molly and Jackie are the only ones left on their feet as Jazz is walked out of the ring, apparently eliminated.

Victoria dumps Molly and Jackie and we’re down to Trish, Victoria and Kim. Trish kicks both girls down but Victoria catapults Gail into Trish for the elimination. They go back and forth for a few seconds until Gail counteres a powerbomb into a hurricanrana for the elimination and the title.

Rating: D. The match sucked, just like you would expect a seven Diva battle royal that lasted four and a half minutes to, though the girls looked good in their outfits. You can’t as for a better debut for someone than this and the match quality rarely mattered for the Divas anyway. The fans didn’t mind Gail and that’s not bad for the girls.

Gail would lose the title in a month to Molly Holly, only to join up with her almost immediately thereafter. Molly and Gail would form an alliance over their jealous of Trish and Lita’s popularity, leading to a tag team match at Unforgiven 2003.

MollyHolly/GailKimvs. TrishStratus/Lita

This feud is more or less about Molly and Gail being jealous of Lita and Trish being insanely popular. Standard stuff to put it mildly. Molly is Women’s Champion here and is actually looking good. Lita was out for almost a year because of a broken neck and now wears khaki shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. The non-famous girls jump them early and that doesn’t work at all.

This is Lita’s return match. Oh seriously who do you expect to win this? You have two girls that are about as middle of the road as possible and the first two women to main event Raw. Lita and Gail are the actual starters and Lita nips up as we hear about King having a vasectomy. Molly hooks a Dragon Sleeper on Trish which works about as well as you would expect it to. Gail is gorgeous. That’s all there is to it.

Now Gail does a Dragon Sleeper. Trish walks up the turnbuckles and backflips into a reverse DDT. FREAKING SWEET. Molly looks good as a brunette and in blue. Trish manages to beat up both girls on her own since Lita is bleeding from the mouth. Lita gets the mostly warm but partly cloudy with a 30% chance of showers tag. Trish knocks Gail to the floor and Lita hits the moonsault to get the win which was about as predictable as you could expect.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect here. Lita was indeed a huge deal as she and Trish were just flat out awesome around this point but the injury took her out for over a year. This was nothing more than a welcome home match and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: announce that Lita is still awesome.

Gail would get injured a month or so later before returning in spring of 2004 and being placed in a fourway Womens’ Title match at Bad Blood 2004.

Women’s Title: Trish vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria

All four are too hot for words with Trish somehow possibly being the fourth best looking at the moment. Victoria is champion here. Trish vs. Lita never gets old especially when later this year they main evented Raw. That’s saying a lot and I don’t mean it was the last match and then there was a big angle to end the show.

I mean Trish vs. Lita for the title was the last thing you saw to end the show and it was built up all night. It was a very cool moment and I completely bought into it. Gail gets an AWESOME hold on Victoria. More or less it’s a headscissors combined with a crossface combined with an armbar but cooler than it sounds. Lita and Victoria botch something and we have no Trish for a long time, signaling that she’ll be winning. Yep there she is to roll up Lita for the title out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. They all looked hot and that’s about all there is to talk about here. Other than that it was just your run of the mill Divas match but with four girls that could actually work which is the best case scenario. Gail being back helps and the girls are actually becoming more than eye candy around this point.

Naturally since the division was starting to take off, it was time for Gail to be released. After a year on the indy scene, she debuted in TNA as the new valet for America’s Most Wanted. Her singles PPV debut was at Hard Justice 2006 against Sirelda.

Sirelda vs. Gail Kim

Gail is looking great tonight. She jumps Sirelda to start but gets powered into a corner and slammed ala Ultimate Warrior. Sirelda loads up a chokeslam but Kim easily escapes. She guillotines Sirelda on the top rope and a knee drop gets two. The fourway tag is officially announced as canceled. There’s a Tarantula from Gail but her high cross body misses. A bad looking World’s Strongest Slam gets two and Sirelda loads up a superplex. Gail knocks her back and hits a bad Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was really bad but Gail looked smoking out there so I’ll give it some points for that. Sirelda wasn’t around long and given how awful she was in this match I’m not really surprised by that. Nothing to see here and I think this ended the mini feud between these two. If it didn’t then it should have.

Gail spent a few months out of the ring as a valet before facing Jackie Moore in a cage match at Lockdown 2007.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

The Knockouts Division was starting to take off and it was clear that a title needed to be established. Since a regular tournament is too basic in a Vince Russo company, we got a gauntlet match for the title at Bound For Glory 2007.

Knockouts Title: Gauntlet Match

This is a ten girl match where you have a regular gauntlet but it’s over the top until we get to the final two. Yep we’re having two battle royals. Kong debuted at Impact so she’s brand new here. We start with Ms. Brooks and Jackie. Good night WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS STAY AROUND? No one cares about her at all and she was always there. Quit shaking your freaking chest because NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEM.

Brooks gets a big boot to the side of the head of the annoying one but gets caught in a German suplex. Shelly Martinez is in third. Oh…these girls can’t do much. Kong comes in fourth and it’s on. Kong takes like 40 seconds to get to the ring out of a minute.

ODB comes in fifth as Jackie puts out Brooks but Kong just goes off, getting rid of Jackie (GO KONG!) and Martinez. Angelina Love (Angel Williams at this point) has the music, the looks and the stage pose already as she’s 6th. Christy comes in and is still amazing looking Kong beats the tar out of her with a rack where Christy’s feet almost hit her head. A Batista Bomb hits as Gail Kim is eighth.

Everyone gangs up on Kong as the medics take out Christy to eliminate her for the most part. The three in the ring get rid of Kong whose shirt flies up as Talia Madison (Velvet Skye) is ninth. Roxxi who is a voodoo chick with hair at this point is last. Love apparently went out off camera so we have four left: Roxxi, ODB, Gail and Velvet.

Gail puts out Velvet as we get a GREAT back shot of her. ODB is out also and we have our one on one match. Gail gets an insane looking submission hold on Roxxi which was like a sideways Octopus Hold. Gail looks sexy in those shorts to put it mildly. They really make her figure look good. Roxxi botches a jackknife pin for two. Gail hits Finlay’s Celtic Cross to end it and win the title.

Rating: C-. Again, is there a reason to mix things up like they did here that I’m just not getting? Why not have an actual tournament rather than this weird hybrid thing? It wasn’t bad I guess but at the same time this just didn’t work like they wanted it to. This could have been a lot better as a simple one on one match but this just didn’t do it for me like they wanted it to. Not horrible though.

Speaking of Russo, we’ll take a look at Sacrifice 2008 and another of his ideas. It’s a battle royal, but the final two remaining get to have a ladder match. The winner of the ladder match gets a Knockouts Title shot but the loser gets her head shaved. For no reason given, Gail Kim can’t have her head shaved so if she makes the ladder match, it’s the last person out of the battle royal’s head getting shaved. Again, this is why people complain about Russo booking.

Knockouts Battle Royal

Velvet Sky, Angelina Love, Rhaka Khan, Salinas, Christy Hemme, ODB, Roxxi Laveaux, Jacqueline, Traci Brooke, Gail Kim

For absolutely no apparent reason, Gail cannot have her head shaved so if she makes the ladder match, the last person eliminated from the battle royal has her head shaved instead. I’ll give Vince Russo 10 bucks to explain his own stories. Roxxi puts Salinas out (not over the top) less than 30 seconds in. Velvet does some fighting from the apron and yeah it’s only there to have a nice shot from behind her. She’s out a few seconds later.

Traci is gone and the fans chant for ODB. Khan puts Christy out. They’re going out so fast that you can’t really keep track of who is still in there. Jackie and ODB double team Khan and Love joins them to get rid of the tall one. Jackie and ODB go out within seconds of each other and Angelina is out at the hands of Roxxi to put us down to Roxxi and Gail.

Gail Kim vs. Roxxi Laveaux

This is a ladder match and if Roxxi wins, Angelina’s head is shaved. This is officially the same match so I’ll rate it all together. The fans all cheer for Roxxi because Angelina isn’t a nice person. Gail sets up the ladder and goes up quickly but Roxxi makes the save. I see no point whatsoever to this being a ladder match but it’s TNA so what difference does it really make?

Gail puts the ladder in the corner for no apparent reason. She gets taken down and Angelina throws in a ladder of her own. Gail does look good in those TINY shorts. She powerbombs Roxxi off the ladder and might be busted a bit. Angelina interferes again and gets dropped by Roxxi. Roxxi gets a SICK spinebuster to Gail onto the ladder and here’s Angelina again….and she’s gone already. She and Velvet shove Roxxi off the ladder and Gail gets the contract.

Rating: D. Well let’s see. The matches combined to take about 8 minutes, the eliminations were pedestrian and nothing particularly interesting happened. On the other hand, Gail showed off a lot of skin and the other girls looked good too so we can’t call it a total loss. Again though: why was it a ladder match? Can someone explain that to me?

Despite Gail being near the top of the division, her contract was allowed to expire and she went back to the WWE in early 2009. Not a lot happened for her though so we’ll skip ahead to the fall and Bragging Rights 2009 for a battle for brand supremacy.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Beth in blue is an amazing sight. This was when Michelle got really hot really fast. Look at the rosters. Who do you think is going to win? Beth and Gail start. Can’t believe I’m typing this but DANG at Michelle. All three Smackdown girls have been in there in less than a minute. Kelly tries a sunset flip. It’s bad.

This is just painfully uninteresting as there is less than zero chance for Raw to win two in a row. I mean the match is ok, but people just couldn’t care any less as there is zero drama. Crowd is more or less dead too. Glam Slam ends Melina for the pin.

Rating: W. As in who cares? Like I said, the idea that THIS was going to decide the cup and not the big tag was just ridiculous and it crippled the match. Also the match was just generic. This could have been any other Divas match which really shows how bland the division is at this point.

One of the few high points for Gail in the WWE would be making the finals of a tournament for the vacant Divas Title against Maryse on February 10, 2010.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Gail Kim is incorrectly called a two time Womens’ Champion. Gail slides to the corner to avoid a charge from the blonde and gets two off a bulldog. Maryse comes back with a kick to the face for two of her own but gets rolled up for another near fall. Kim goes up top but completely misses a top rope cross body to put both girls down. A victory roll doesn’t work for Gail and a quick DDT gives Maryse the title. This was nothing.

Gail stuck around for several more months until an interesting incident took place on August 5. It was a battle royal (shocking) and Gail was told to be out in the first minute. No one was able to do it, so she got out of the ring herself. This didn’t exactly look right and WWE took her off TV as a result and let her contract run out. It was back to TNA where she would team up with Madison Rayne to challenge Tara and Miss Tessmacher for the Knockouts Tag Titles on November 3, 2011.

Knockout Tag Titles: Tara/Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

Time for the monthly defense of the titles. Brooke’s outfit is designed like a Texas flag for some reason. She and Madison start us off but it’s off to Tara quickly. The arm work begins as the champions are tagging fast. Gail comes in and is all dominant and evil for a bit. Tessmacher’s corner hijinks don’t really work this time. Gail beats on Brooke a bit more until it’s a hot tag to Tara. Everything breaks down and there’s the Widow’s Peak. Karen Jarrett has the referee though and Eat Defeat gives us new champions at 5:05.

Rating: D+. It’s not like anyone cares about the belts, but this is what you do with the titles here as they’re actually having a division wide angle going on. Karen is evil and trying to have her girls get the titles. It’s not particularly interesting but a dull story is better than a repetitive one on a treadmill like the Divas have so this was fine, just not that interesting.

This is of course TNA, so why give her one title when you can give her two? From ten days later at Turning Point 2011.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Brawl to start and I really can’t complain about seeing Velvet in shorts like those. Gail is knocked to the floor and Velvet totally misses a baseball slide but Gail sells it anyway. Back in a crossbody gets two for Sky. Kim takes over and here’s Karen on the ramp as the fans chant what sounds like Sloppy Seconds. Gail hooks an abdominal stretch and Velvet fights back with nothing significant.

I’m sorry if I seem totally out of it here but I have zero interest in this show for the most part. Eat Defeat is blocked into a facebuster by Velvet but Karen distracts as Madison comes in to lay out Velvet. That only gets two and Gail goes up, missing a missile dropkick but managing a rollup with tights for two. Madison cheats again and Eat Defeat gives us a new champion at 5:54. Really?

Rating: C-. The match was ok but the cheating got old fast. Also, they really took the title off Velvet that fast? I’m really kind of surprised by that as I would have thought they would build to Velvet vs. Angelina in the big showdown that has only kind of happened so far. Not great and not bad, but Velvet in blue is always a good thing.

Gail wouldn’t do much in 2012 so we’ll jump to Genesis 2013 and another gauntlet match for a future title shot.

Knockouts Gauntlet Match

Winner gets a title shot at some point in the future. We start with Gail Kim vs. Tessmacher and they trade rollups to start. Tessmacher can’t hit her Stinkface and Kim clotheslines her down for two. Gail goes up but gets crotched, allowing Tessmacher to hit an X-Factor out of the corner for two. That means nothing though as Gail makes her Eat Defeat for the first elimination.

Next in is ODB who stops a charging Gail on the ramp. Back in and Kim gets spanked because that’s what happens in women’s wrestling. A splash crushes Gail and there’s a bronco buster to hammer in the point. They trade rollups and Gail avoids having her face rammed into ODB’s crotch before rolling her up with tights for the pin.

Mickie James is in next and she takes Gail down quickly, only to get caught by a running shoulder in the corner. A neckbreaker puts Gail down as do an enziguri and a flapjack. We head to the floor for a headscissors from James before heading inside where Gail molests the referee. A rollup on Mickie with another handful of tights gets another pin.

Velvet Sky is the last chick in this so she can beat a weakened Gail which is supposed to make us care I guess. I can live with Velvet in a catsuit though. Gail sends her into the barricade but poses on the ropes instead of covering. A cradle gets two for Gail but she gets caught holding the ropes. Sky hits her sitout Pedigree for the pin at 12:00. Gail had her foot under the ropes so I’m sure a triple threat is coming.

Rating: D. I can’t stand gauntlet matches for one reason: they’re nothing but a collection of short matches that don’t have time to develop at all and usually result in a bunch of stupid finishes. On top of that, this was your usual worthless female wrestling with stupid moves that are supposed to be sexy but come off looking completely stupid. I’m sure a triple threat match is coming because that’s how wrestling works.

The next big story for Gail was a feud with referee Taryn Terrell, due to Taryn allegedly costing her matches. This let to a last Knockout standing match at Slammiversary 2013.

Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim

Gail attacks in the corner to start but Taryn comes back with clotheslines to take over. Gail puts on an octopus hold but lets it go early and only gets a six count. Kim goes to the floor for a chair but has it kicked out of her hands. Some hair drags keep Gail down for a few moments but she manages to get the chair up to block a high cross body. Gail is up first and goes after the knee for a bit before wedging the chair between the ropes. Taryn blocks a ram into the chair but gets caught in the Figure Four around the post.

Terrell is up at 8 and dodges Gail’s charge into the corner, sending her head first into the chair in a SICK looking crash. That only gets eight so Taryn puts her in the Figure Four around the post for eight more. Taryn misses a charge and lands on the ramp for nine, only to be caught in a legsweep onto the ramp for nine more. Gail tries a piledriver but gets reversed into a bulldog off the ramp to put both girls down. Taryn beats the count for the win at 9:18.

Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in YEARS. The bulldog off the stage was a bigger spot but the missed charge into the chair should have been the finish. It looked MUCH more painful and I thought Gail was out cold. Still though, very entertaining match and I was really impressed with Taryn here. I’d bet on her vs. Mickie at BFG for the title in a veteran vs. underdog title match.

Since that was so awesome, the only solution was a rematch about a month later in a ladder match. From July 11, 2013.

Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

This is a ladder match with the winner getting a title shot at some point in the future. Taryn throws her out to the ramp to start and spears her through the ropes for good measure. The first ladder is brought in and rammed into Gail’s ribs in the corner. Taryn dropkicks the top of the ladder to drive it further into the ribs as Taz is back on commentary. Gail’s cross body is kicked out of the air and the ladder is set up in the middle of the ring. Gail sends her into the side of the ladder to take over but can’t hook the figure four around the post.

Back from a break with both girls climbing and slugging it out on top. They both fall down and land on the ropes with the ladder nearly crushing Gail’s skull in the process. Taryn shoves the ladder face first into a charging Gail but her leg is tied up in the ladder. Taryn has to find a replacement but Gail gets up and climbs, only to be pulled back down by Terrell. The other ladder is bridged between the ropes and the standing ladder but Gail gets off before Taryn can crush her against the bridge.

Gail puts the figure four on Taryn inside the ladder but both of them climb up anyway. Taryn chokes Gail off the ladder and shoves her to the mat, but the knee won’t let her stand high enough. Instead Terrell dives off the ladder with a cross body and both girls are down again. They both climb onto the bridged ladder with Taryn being thrown to the mat again in a big thud. Terrell is up first and hooks a dragon sleeper, but Gail TIES TARYN’S HAIR AROUND THE ROPES. Gail climbs the ladder to get the shot at 15:10.

Rating: B+. Solid match here with a creative ending. The match was so good that it makes me get over Gail getting ANOTHER title shot which I don’t think anyone wants to see. Taryn is showing good promise in the ring which goes along with her looks. I liked the last man standing match better but this was certainly good stuff.

We’ll close it out with a win, from Bound For Glory 2013.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Brooke vs. Gail Kim

ODB is defending. Brooke looks GREAT in a leather version of her usual attire. Gail is knocked to the floor to start with Brooke taking over on ODB in the corner. Brooke gives her a Stink Face but ODB pops up and sends her into the corner for a Bronco Buster. Gail comes back in, only to be knocked back to the floor a few seconds later. Brooke works on ODB’s back and gets two off a quick neckbreaker.

Gail pops back up and grabs the figure four around the post, only to have ODB make the save with her chest. ODB chops Brooke but gets rolled up for a quick two. Off to a half crab on Brooke but Gail makes another save. The challengers both go up but have to shove off a double superplex attempt, followed by Gail hitting a missile dropkick on ODB. Brooke adds a top rope elbow (WAY too popular of a move tonight) for no cover.

Back up and ODB gets two on Gail via a delayed vertical suplex. The referee gets taken out as ODB somehow gets both girls up in a fireman’s carry at the same time. Brooke falls off but ODB slams Gail onto her….and here’s Tapa. She runs over ODB and takes her out, only to powerbomb Gail on top of ODB for the pin and the title at 10:33.

Rating: D+. This could have been on any given Impact and that’s the problem with this show: nothing feels special at all so far. Gail is champion again. So? She’s been champion before, just like everyone else in the division. Nothing to see here other than Brooke looking great.

Gail Kim is a good example of a talented worker whose looks helped her out a lot. She looked great in a tiny pair of shorts but could also work a solid wrestling match. The interesting thing is people remember has as being champion quite often but she only held it once in WWE and three times in TNA. Solid worker, but a step below the other top girls who came before her.

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We’ll go with someone a bit better looking than Big Show today: Tara, or Victoria if you’re not a TNA fan.

Victoria would begin training in 2000 and make her in ring debut (she had been an on screen character as one of Godfather’s Ho’s for awhile) in the WWE in August 2002 with her first feud against Trish Stratus. Believe it or not there was a story here with Victoria saying Trish ripped her off when they were both fitness models. This led to a hardcore match for Trish’s title at Survivor Series 2002.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending. This is their second PPV match after Trish won last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom (lucky guy) but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a rana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Vicotira off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick (Punk’s high kick) gets two for Trish as does a bulldog. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish with. That and a suplex gets the pin and the title for the nutjob.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Victoria would become more and more psycho before hooking up with Steven Richards in a bizarre relationship that lasted for several months. She would hold the title until Wrestlemania XIX when she would defend it in a threeway against Jazz and Trish.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and is still psycho here. She’s also Tara for you TNA fans. Jazz hits a quick dropkick for two on Trish before Victoria can even get to the ring. Off to what we would call a Last Chancery to the Canadian after the champion is knocked to the floor. Everyone winds up outside with the champion taking over. She sends Trish back inside for a slingshot legdrop, getting two. Jazz and Victoria square off now before turning their attentions back to Stratus for some double teaming.

That goes nowhere though as it’s time for the villains to fight again with Jazz getting two off a powerslam. Trish comes back with a rollup on Victoria for two but she clotheslines Trish down for two as a result. Jerry: “Trish is like a quarter among pennies in there.” JR: “…..what?” Jazz hits a sitout powerslam for two on Stratus before arguing with Victoria even more. A spin kick by Jazz hits Victoria by mistake and allows Trish to roll her up for two. The Chick Kick puts Jazz down and the Stratusphere does the same to Victoria.

The champion is knocked to the floor as Jazz puts Trish in a half crab which is transitioned into an STF. Victoria’s boyfriend/manager Steven Richards comes in to send Jazz to the floor, allowing the other two to trade rollups for two each. Jazz comes back in and lifts Trish up for a double chickenwing before dropping her down on her uh…face. Yeah face. Victoria kicks Jazz down but misses a moonsault, knocking herself to the floor. Richards comes in and hits himself with a chair. As he goes to the floor, Trish hits the Chick Kick on Victoria for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Not bad again here and one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a long time. There wasn’t much of a story being told here but at the same time, they looked like they knew what they were doing and never looked lost, which puts them miles ahead of anything in the last three years of Divas matches.

As is almost always the case with the Divas, there weren’t a ton of stories around this time. There would however be one match of note on November 24, 2003: the first Divas cage match with Victoria vs. Lita in Lita’s first match back after breaking her neck.

Lita vs. Victoria

There’s no backstory to this one as the gimmick is selected through Raw Roulette. Lita jumps Victoria as she gets in the cage and rams her into the steel. Victoria’s pants start riding down a bit and Jerry freaks out at the sight of a thong. Lita is sent face first into the steel as well and the spinning sidewalk slam gets two. Victoria can’t make it through the door and some right hands from Lita have her in trouble.

The redhead can’t make it out of the cage as Victoria makes the save, pulling her down from the top for two. A spear sends Lita’s back into the cage but she comes back with a powerbomb out of the corner. Lita goes up and moonsaults a standing Victoria but the EVIL Matt Hardy comes in and slams the door on Lita’s head, allowing Victoria to crawl out for the win.

Rating: D+. The match was way too short to go anywhere but DANG the girls looked good out there. I know Lita is often remembered for looking great but crazy Victoria was no slouch whatsoever. Evil Matt was a decent idea but it didn’t have the time to really go anywhere. Again, more of a novelty than anything else.

Speaking of novelties, Victoria would eventually turn face and win the title, leading to a hair vs. title match at Wrestlemania XX. I don’t think I need to explain it any further than that.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

Since this is WWE and Victoria is a good looking woman, a special outfit match had to be coming eventually. This is from Taboo Tuesday 2004.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Nidia vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly vs. Victoria vs. Stacy Keibler

This is the schoolgirl battle royal and yes Trish is defending the title in a battle royal. She’s ticked and a heel here. Jazz isn’t someone I want to see dressed like this. Why can’t Lillian be in this? I’ve never been sure if Nidia is hot or not. Gail looks good too. She never meant a thing after her debut though. Molly is growing her hair back after having it shaved at I think Mania. Victoria (Tara) looks great like this. Stacy is perfect for it with the legs.

It’s not over the top either. The crowd is more into this than the first match. Nidia’s top falls off and she gets knocked out. Jazz is hanging on to the bottom rope and Victoria accidentally hits her with a baseball slide to put her out. Gail is out. There isn’t much to say here at all. Stacy gets the biggest pop of the night for doing a Nash leg choke on Victoria.

This is mainly just a way for Lawler to freak over underwear shots. Molly and Trish get rid of Victoria, leaving the two of them and Stacy. This is boring as all goodness. Stacy is supposed to be the big face here and she makes a bit of a comeback but Molly puts her out easily. Trish is almost out earlier but holds on and sneaks up on Molly to put her out and retain.

Rating: D-. This was bad on all levels. I’ve never gotten the appeal of the schoolgirl thing and this was no exception. Nothing came from this at all but at least it was quick. It was boring as heck on top of that too so there we are. At least it’s over and the girls are hardly bad looking….for the most part.

Around this time we started getting some new Divas, including one by the name of Christy Hemme. She and Victoria started a feud over a swimsuit contest, leading to a match at Vengeance 2005.

Christy Hemme vs. Victoria

They start fast and Victoria does all kinds of evil things to Christy. This is non-title also since the title is on Smackdown at the moment. The cards in the set change based on who is in the current match. The fans don’t really care either. Lawler says this is about looks or whatever. Christy botches the heck out of a sunset flip. Yeah I’m stunned too.

Ross freaks because Christy can do a DDT. She can do one of the least complex moves of all time and she gets cheered for it. She goes for another sunset flip and Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes for the heel pin.

Rating: D-. The lack of failing is because these are two of the hottest Divas of all time. The match was totally awful though, if you didn’t guess that part. Christy was gorgeous but it was clear that she just wasn’t all that great in the ring and it showed every time she was out there. Even Victoria couldn’t save her, and that says quite a bit.

After entering and leaving an alliance called Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson called Vince’s Devils, it was back to old stomping grounds for Victoria as she faced Trish Stratus on the August 21, 2006 episode of Monday Night Raw.

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

They slug it out to start and Trish hits a splash in the corner followed by a dropkick. Trish knocks her to the floor and hits the Thesz Press to the floor. Clothesline gets two back in the ring. Victory roll gets the same and you know Lawler was happy with that. Stratusfaction is countered into a backbreaker and Victoria works on the back a bit. They go to the corner and Trish hits a middle rope hurricanrana but Victoria pops up and tries the Widow’s Peak. Trish escapes and Stratusfaction ends this clean.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than any Divas match that we’ve had in years. It’s only about three minutes long and they did more good looking stuff than the modern batch of Divas have done in I don’t know how long. Trish was gorgeous but she could also have some great matches. Victoria is no slouch either.

Mickie James was Women’s Champion around this time and that wasn’t cool with Victoria. She created a hit list and went after every name before getting to Mickie, with the showdown coming at New Year’s Revolution 2007.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Mickie James

So for a month and a half, Victoria has had a hit list of the Divas to get to James and this is the end of that. Mickie is still rocking the insane skirts at this point. Ross and Lawler talk about Jack Doane’s hometown for zero explainable reason. Lillian is cheering for Mickie as Lillian almost got a Widow’s Peak on Raw.

Mickie starts throwing punches which is weird to see. And Lawler gets to use the line of he loves to see her wrestle but he’d love to see her box. Ross misses it though so we get no rebuttal. Melina comes out to help Victoria and it doesn’t work as Mickie hits her spinning DDT for the pin.

Rating: F+. Only reason are all the great visuals. The booking here makes zero sense as they built Victoria up as the monster for a month and a half and now it’s just thrown away. Oh well, they looked hot so that’s all that matters in this division. Lawler’s lines were beyond old at this point and brought it down even further.

Victoria would become a veteran around this time, meaning she would be used to bring up the newer Divas coming in to replace the retired Trish and Lita. This would go on for most of 2008, including a six Diva tag on October 31, 2008’s Smackdown.

Michelle McCool/Maria/Brie Bella vs. Maryse/Natalya/Victoria

Michelle is Divas Champion and everyone is in Halloween costumes, ranging from Cleopatra (Brie) to a bunny (Maria) to a soldier (McCool) to a French maid (Maryse) to a cop (Natalya) to…..Victoria as a banana. Maria throws Victoria around but the banana cartwheels out of it. Off to Natalya who gets hit in the ribs and dragged over to Cleopatra, only to come back with a Samoan drop.

Maryse comes in for a backbreaker and two before the big banana hits her spinning side slam for the same. Brie tries to hide under the ring and it’s Twin Magic, allowing for the tag off to McCool. House is cleaned and a neckbreaker gets two on Victoria. Maria makes a blind tag and comes off the top with a cross body for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. If you don’t get the point of this one, I don’t know how to help you.

That would be about it for Victoria in the WWE as she would leave in January 2009 but would appear again very soon, this time in TNA as Tara. She would win two Knockouts Titles in her first six months but neither of them would last a full month. That would change after her 2/3 falls match against champion ODB at Genesis 2010.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. ODB

This is 2/3 falls which makes sense as they’ve had a match or two before and you can’t have the same match again as we had a few weeks ago and then ask people to pay for it. THAT WOULD MAKE NO SENSE! That Broken song is AWESOME. There’s not a ton going on in the first few minutes here as it’s just them going back and forth.

This is the problem with 2/3 falls matches: you don’t have to really pay attention until the second fall, which is starting right now as Tara hooks a small package for the first fall. Tara hooks the tarantula. Not a lot is going on here at all. We get a great shot of Tara’s figure to make this match much better. Brooke shot number 6. This time she’s with Joey Fatone.

If TNA insists on the celebrity thing, get celebrities that have mattered this millennium. ODB uses the freaking Tumbleweed. Are we in the mid 70s all of a sudden? She pulls something out of her cleavage to be odd before hitting a powerslam for two. This is kind of meandering along and needs to end soon. ODB keeps touching herself and checking her pulse. It’s freaking stupid looking. And the Widow’s Peak ends it. The timing was pretty good if nothing else. What the heck is up with the freaking spider???

Rating: C-. Not great here as the 2/3 falls thing felt way too much like a gimmick for the sake of having a gimmick which I can If never advocate. Tara winning the title is fine, but she didn’t need to get two straight wins to do it. That was overkill which is never a good thing.

The next few months brought various title defenses against any Knockout until Angelina Love took the title from her about four months later. She wanted the title back so badly that she agreed to put her career on the line against new champion Madison Rayne at Sacrifice, only to lose the title. A few months later, a mysterious biker would appear and help Madison in matches. The biker would be revealed as Tara, who was under a contract with Madison to continue her career. Eventually Tara would a title shot at Angelina Live in a fatal fourway at Bound For Glory 2010, also involving Madison and Velvet Sky.

KnockoutsTitle: AngelinaLovevs. MadisonRaynevs. VelvetSkyevs. Tara

Dang Mickie looks good. I could go without the hardcore country thing though. One fall to a finish here and tags are required. Angelina vs. Madison to start us off. Off to the regular Beautiful People now which is the only match left in that division I suppose. Madison comes in and gets in Mickie’s face but that goes nowhere.

This is another match that is going too fast to really keep track of. Tara vs. Velvet at the moment. How in the world did Hefner think Tara didn’t look good enough for Playboy? Octopus Hold from Velvet to Tara which blows my mind a million ways to Monday. The tagging thing is of course abandoned soon. Widow’s Peak doesn’t go on as Angelina makes a save. And then she rolls up Velvet with some tights being pulled to give her the title. We get the BROKEN song so I’m very happy. Madison goes off on her and Mickie kicks her teeth in. So it’s Tara vs. Mickie now? Ok then.

Rating: D+. Pretty much just a mess here and only a way to get the title on the show. This wasn’t much at all but you had five hot women and you get to add Mickie to the division now which is definitely not a bad thing at all as it was dying for some fresh blood. Nothing very good here but I’ve seen worse.

Tara and Madison would continue their partnership for several more months, including through Tara’s feud with Mickie James. Eventually Madison would take on Mickie herself, only to have Tara turn on her for her freedom. Soon after this Tara would join forces with Miss Tessmacher and challenge Mexican America for the Knockouts Tag Team Titles.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Miss Tessmacher/Tara

Tara and Tessmacher wait for the champs to come through the curtain to jump them. After a beating in the aisle there’s the bell. A double team sends Tara to the floor and Tessmacher hits a double clothesline. Hey, since there are four hot chicks in the ring, let’s show the old Spanish announce team! Tessmacher gets beaten down as we start the actual match here. There’s the required USA chant as Tessmacher takes Rosita down. Just not down enough for a tag.

Everything breaks down quickly as Hebner puts Tara out. More double teaming gets two on Tessmacher. Tara comes in again and throws Tessmacher to their own corner to guarantee a hot tag. Tara cleans house with some awkward looking punches. Widow’s Peak is set up forever but doesn’t hit Sarita because Madison runs in to break it up. Sarita rolls Tara up but only gets two. Tessmacher is thrown into Sarita and actually manages a Stratusfaction bulldog. Tara hits a chokebomb and Tessmacher gets a small package for stereo pins at 4:43 to give us new champs.

Rating: C-. Not like the title mean anything but having Tessmacher and Tara hug each other a lot is never a bad thing. Does anyone ever successfully defend the tag titles anymore? Either way, this was a bit better than most of their matches and it helps that Tessmacher has an actual finishing move now rather than the amplified Stinkface.

Not a lot would happen for Tara other than a few random single and tag title reigns. Eventually she would start feuding with her old partner Miss Tessmacher, including a match for the title at Bound For Glory 2012. The main draw here though was the identity of Tara’s Hollywood boyfriend who would debut tonight.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tess is defending. Tessmacher’s robe/jacket is on the ropes as we start. A quick crucifix gets no count for the champ. Teryn Terrell is referee again because…because…I have no idea why she’s still around actually. Tara gets sent to the floor and we get a chase scene. Tara hides behind the referee and we head right back to the floor where Tess gets dropped on the apron to give Tara the advantage.

Back in and the champ gets one on a sunset flip and it’s off to a chinlock by Tara. Tara whips her into the corner but charges into a boot followed by a DDT from Tessmacher to put both girls down. Tessmacher takes Tara down and nips right back up, followed by a top rope rana (decent one too) but Tara blocks the Tesshocker. Widow’s Peak and Tara gets the completely clean pin at 6:18.

Rating: D. The rana looked good and the girls looked good in their outfits, but thank goodness Tara won here. Tessmacher is just worthless as champion and hasn’t changed a bit since she won the belt the first time. Tara has had the belt before but at least she’s better than Tess, but most people would be.

Tara introduces the boyfriend: Jesse Godderz from Big Brother. To the shock of no one, there is zero reaction. He’s been training in OVW for like a year and has won five tag titles there. Tara and Jesse make out in the ring. Crowd: “WHO ARE YOU?”

Tara and Jesse would spend the next few months together before Tara left TNA over a pay dispute.

Tara is one of the few Knockouts/Divas that had both the looks and the wrestling ability. She could have good matches with just about anyone she worked with and that’s a rare thing to see anymore. The stuff with Lita and Trish was always great and she was able to help the Knockouts division get beyond the Beautiful People. She’s very talented and looks great for a woman in her 40s so there’s little to complain about with her.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 13, 2014
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

The UK tour continues as we head into England for the first time this year. The main stories coming out of last week are Samoa Joe officially being #1 contender over Bobby Roode and an MVP vs. Dixie summit that went absolutely nowhere. Lockdown is less than a month away so odds are we’ll be hearing about Lethal Lockdown and the rest of the card soon enough. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of MVP standing up to Dixie for all of her evil deeds in the last few months and promising changes to end Dixie’s party.

No time is wasted on getting to Dixie this week as she and her cronies are in the ring to start the show. Dixie says she clearly hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over MVP’s threats and the odds of him taking over the company are about as good as her having a bad hair day. Dixie brags about Magnus but Ethan takes the mic and says he’s the one that ended the career of Kurt Angle.

Magnus takes the mic as well but has to wait for a YOU SOLD OUT chant. It’s nice to be back in Manchester because it means another year before he has to be back here again. People like Manchester make him feel ashamed to be British because he’s not from the north, nor is he a paper champion. He’s a man who recognizes opportunity and there is no opportunity in Manchester, other than a chance to be smacked in the face by the world champion.

The fans aren’t impressed so Magnus shifts his focus to MVP. He doesn’t care what jail cell MVP came from but we need to get the pecking order established. It’s Magnus on top, Dixie second, everybody else, and then MVP. Magnus isn’t for sale but here are MVP and Joe with something of their own to say. MVP sucks up to the crowd and says that Joe will be challenging Magnus at Lockdown, which seems to take the champion by surprise.

This brings out Gunner with the Feast or Fired case, which will be cashed in next week on Impact. Dixie says not so fast, because Gunner has to face Ethan Carter for the briefcase tonight. MVP one ups her by putting EC3’s Tag Team Title briefcase on the line as well, but makes it a ladder match with both briefcases on the line. MVP tells “C-3PO” that if anyone tries to cheat in this match, he’ll be out here to level the playing field.

Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III

Dang they’re not wasting time tonight. Carter heads straight to the floor to start but Gunner is waiting for him and heads back inside for a running knee and a fallaway slam. Gunner goes to get a ladder but Carter dropkicks him off the apron and sets up the ladder himself, only to have Gunner send him into the buckle.

The ladder is sat in the corner and Carter is sent flying into the steel, only to have Gunner get the same treatment. He’s still able to powerbomb Carter down for the save but Magnus comes in and shoves the ladder over, only to draw in James Storm for the save. This brings out MVP who makes it a winner take all tag team ladder match at about 4:30.

Rating: D. This is one of the things I can’t stand about modern wrestling: wasted gimmick matches. Why in the world did they need to have a ladder match, only to throw in another one a few seconds later? On top of that, a gimmick match is supposed to attract viewers, but that usually requires more than five minutes’ warning. How good of a ladder match can you have with about four minutes of action?

James Storm/Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III/Magnus

Joined in progress with Storm in trouble and Magnus driving the ladder into Gunner’s back. Gunner is laid across the ladder and splashed across the back before both heels drop him ribs first onto the ladder. Magnus rams the ladder into Gunner’s face and loads up the ladder but Ethan tries to climb. That’s not cool with the champ who wants to go instead. They get in an argument, despite it not being clear who gets the case if Magnus pulls it down.

The fight lets Storm come back in and clean house and Ethan is double hiptossed onto the ladder. Magnus saves his partner from the Gun Rack but Storm hits a Cactus Clothesline to send himself and Magnus to the outside. Gunner comes back in with a swan dive to Carter and goes up to pull down both cases for the win at 5:00.

Rating: C-. Better match here but man alive enough with the five minute gimmick matches. We just saw two ladder matches combine to last under ten minutes and it doesn’t really solve anything. In short, there was no reason for these matches to use ladders other than it sounds cool on paper. Pay no attention to the fact that if you weren’t watching in the last twenty minutes, you would have no idea they were taking place.

Anderson says he’ll win tonight because he has family and we get to see a picture of his twin daughters.

Spud has divided the office in half and makes sure that Dixie has more flowers on her side. The Bro Mans come in and want to know what Dixie is going to do about Gunner and Storm having the briefcase. Yelling ensues when MVP comes in and says Dixie’s promises mean less and less every day. MVP says people don’t want to see lawyers and want to see action in the ring. What would be fair is to strip the champions of the titles but instead he’ll give them a six man tag match against the Wolves and a mystery partner, right now.

Bro Mans/Zema Ion vs. Wolves/???

The mystery partner is Samoa Joe. Davey starts with a Tajiri handspring into a kick to Godderz’ head before a few headbutts from his parters are good for two. Off to Edwards vs. Robbie with Eddie snapping off a standing hurricanrana and a few chops. A running knee to the face gets two and it’s quickly back to Davey who gets two off a chop from Edwards. Zema adds in a knee from the apron but Davey grabs him by the head and knocks him to the apron.

The distraction lets E get in a cheap shot and the heels take over for the first time. Zema stomps away before it’s back to Robbie for an elbow to the jaw. Heel miscommunication puts the Bro Mans down and it’s hot tag to Joe who cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives to the floor as Joe makes Zema tap with the Clutch at 5:37.

Rating: C. This was fine though I’ve never been big on the Wolves. I was hoping the Bro Mans would be allowed to be a bit more serious, but at the end of the day they’re a comedy team so this is what you had to expect. I’d be fine with the Wolves becoming Tag Team Champions but it was nice to have a non-champion take the fall here.

Velvet Sky begs Dixie to avoid a match with Chris Sabin but gets turned down. MVP isn’t cool with that but Dixie reminds him that he’s not a wrestler. Spud laughs at him, but MVP says he’s got his gear and faces Spud next.

We recap Eric Young vs. Joseph Park/Abyss. This would be the first non-Dixie related segment of the entire show and we’re halfway done.

Here’s Abyss without the mask to call out Eric Young to see what he’s done. Abyss is under a hood like Kane was after he lost his mask back in 2003. Eric stops at ringside but Abyss asks him to come closer unless he’s afraid. Young gets in the ring and says last week he proved all he needed to prove. Park asked him to find Abyss and that’s what he did. Abyss holds up the mask and says it’s the reality of what he did last week. The hood comes back and Park says he is Abyss but Young cuts him off and says he showed Park who he is.

Park shouts at Eric and asks who either of them are because Young doesn’t know. Abyss has destroyed his body and the lives and careers of others. The scars and blood tell his story but he can’t be that man anymore. The violence and destruction have to stop but Young says he can help him. Abyss screams that he doesn’t want Eric’s help and that he needs to find someone who understands him. He drops the mask and walks away.

Earlier today Samuel Shaw tried to help Christy with her luggage but she’s nervous. He agrees to keep it professional and takes off his glove to shake her hand. Shaw looks at his hand and slowly gets on the bus.

MVP vs. Spud

That was a nice fifteen minute break but now it’s back to Dixieland. Spud stalls on the floor before the bell while MVP lounges on the top rope. MVP goes after him but Spud gets in a cheap shot on the way back in to get things going. He pounds away but makes the mistake of slapping the boss in the face. A facebuster sets up the Ballin Elbow and the Drive By kick to the head for the pin at :59. That’s exactly what it should have been.

Bobby Roode is furiously looking for Dixie.

We get a creepy promo of a guy in the woods holding a black and white umbrella, wearing a black and white mask and dressed all in black. He recites poetry and is apparently named Willow. Apparently this was Jeff Hardy in a new gimmick.

Dixie is on the phone when Roode comes in, demanding a title shot. He doesn’t like being called a sore loser and says she doesn’t want him against her.

Chris Sabin vs. Velvet Sky

Sabin offers her a free shot because this is what Velvet has always wanted. Velvet kicks him in the knee and goes for the groin but Sabin is wearing a cup. Like an idiot though he takes it out to show off and gets hit low again, allowing Velvet to pound away. Cue a big woman with a bleach blonde mohawk over dark hair to destroy Velvet with a full nelson. Sabin is very pleased. No match obviously.

Ray goes into Anderson’s dressing room and looks through his stuff, including the pictures on his phone. He calls Anderson’s wife and says this is the phone call she’s been dreading her entire life. Ray says “no, not yet, but he’s coming home in a coffin. Tell the twins daddy says goodbye.”

Roode is in the back and says he lost it and that this has to come to an end. It’s over and he can’t take this anymore. He has his jacket and bag with him, saying he might have something for next week. Security comes in and says he has to leave which Roode does without incident.

We recap Ray vs. Anderson in the casket match. Ray is angry at Anderson for ending Aces and 8’s and has gotten far more serious as a result, even threatening Anderson’s children.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

Casket match. Anderson has some of the ugliest green tights I’ve ever seen. Ray takes off his shirt and reveals what I believe is a Liverpool jersey to anger the fans. Anderson takes him down and sends him into the corner before dropping him with a neckbreaker. The jersey is ripped off and stomped on by Anderson before they head outside. Mr. spends too much time deciding where to throw his shirt and Ray gets in a cheap shot as we take a break.

Back with Anderson using a chair to knock a chair into Ray’s face and sliding in a table. Anderson is bleeding from the mouth and Ray kicks him in the face to take over. Ray rubs the blood on his own face and pounds at the cut before throwing the casket into the ring. Anderson gets crotched on top and superplexed back down but Ray can’t get the lid on the casket.

Ray raises up a chair to crush Anderson but a low blow stops him cold. Instead he powerbombs Anderson through the table and earns a THIS IS AWESOME chant. Ray loads up a piledriver in the casket but Anderson counters into a Mic Check and puts on the lid for the win at 12:50. The lid didn’t actually close but it was close enough.

Rating: B-. That’s probably high but after all the garbage we’ve had to sit through tonight I’ll take anything. Ray has been an awesome heel throughout this story and I would have liked it more if he had won, but the company is dying for top faces at this point and Anderson is as good as anyone else they could use.

In the back we get even more Dixie vs. MVP with Carter offering him a buyout. She offers him a contract and MVP is impressed but says no. Dixie calls him crazy and MVP says he’s a wrestler so there might be somet truth to that. A proposal is made for Lockdown: Lethal Lockdown with Team MVP vs. Team Dixie for total control of the company. Dixie keeps up her Stephanie McMahon style acting and finally agrees.

Overall Rating: D. Impact wrestling is a two hour show. Tonight, approximately an hour and a half were spent on Dixie Carter vs. MVP or something directly related to that story. Here’s what wasn’t related to it: Eric Young/Abyss segment (8 minutes), Christy Hemme/Shaw segment (2 minutes), Ray vs. Anderson (13 minutes), Sabin vs. Sky (5 minutes) and the Willow promo (1 minute). That’s it. That’s everything on the show that wasn’t related to a single storyline.

Even Immortal didn’t make Impact that much about themselves and I didn’t think things could get worse than that. Dixie vs. MVP is fine for a story, but you need SOMETHING that isn’t related to or a result of that story. There’s some interesting stuff in TNA, but the same story being pounded into our heads like this make it a lot less interesting to sit through.

Results

Ethan Carter III vs. Gunner went to a no contest

James Storm/Gunner b. Ethan Carter III/Magnus – Gunner pulled down the briefcases

Wolves/Samoa Joe b. Zema Ion/Bro Mans – Koquina Clutch to Ion

MVP b. Spud – Drive By

Mr. Anderson b. Bully Ray – Mic Check into a casket

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 23, 2014
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re back with Genesis Week Two, featuring all of the matches that we couldn’t get to last week because we needed a thirty minute opening segment. Tonight we have Roode vs. Angle in a cage, Gunner vs. Storm for the briefcase, Sabin vs. Aries for the X Title and Sting vs. Magnus in a contract vs. title match, even though Sting was forbidden from challenging for the title ever again just a year ago. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps Sting challenging Magnus from last week and the Roode vs. Angle feud.

Dixie and Spud are in the back with Dixie freaking out about Ethan not being here. Magnus comes in and shakes hands with some lawyer whose name sounded like Creed. Apparently there was a meeting with the board of directors and someone is setting up a hostile takeover of TNA.

The attorney says he can deal with the new investor, even though it seems to be something personal. Magnus says deal with it because he has a title defense. Apparently the investor wants someone in Sting’s corner so Magnus wants No DQ and No Countout. The lawyer and Magnus almost get in a fight until Dixie defuses it. The editing in this made it feel really unnatural.

Here are Magnus, Spud and Ethan to the arena. Nice to see that the “where’s Ethan” problem was settled inside of four minutes. Magnus accuses Sting of playing politics and thought he was a bigger man than that. This brings out Sting himself who accuses Magnus of backing out of deals of his own. Magnus says this is about Sting and wants to know how much he paid the new investor.

Either way, Sting has to face Magnus on his own tonight and Sting just can’t beat Magnus on his own. Sting says he’s watched their BFG match over and over again and is ready. The fans chant Paper Champion at Magnus so he slaps Sting, triggering a brawl. Sting is outnumbered but Samoa Joe makes the save. Naturally Joe is the man in Sting’s corner tonight.

Video on Gunner vs. Storm, leading to their match for the briefcase tonight.

Spud freaks out about Joe so Dixie puts him in a match with the Samoan. Spud panics even more. Dixie after Spud leaves: “Please don’t get killed.”

James Storm vs. Gunner

Of course it’s a briefcase on a pole. The announcers emphasize that you have to get full possession of the case. Feeling out process to start with Storm skinning the cat but walking into a running clothesline to put him back down. James comes back with a kick to the head but gets caught in the corner and taken down by a fallaway slam. A suplex puts Gunner down but he counters the Last Call into a Rock Bottom.

Gunner goes up but gets taken down by a hurricanrana of all things to put both guys down again. Storm goes up and gets his hands on the case but Gunner stops him, bringing the case down. That’s not full possession though so it becomes a fight for the case. A headbutt knocks Storm away and Gunner gets the case at 5:40.

Rating: D+. This was every pole match you’ve ever seen though there were some decent spots in there to fill in some time. The ending didn’t add anything special and Gunner still having the case doesn’t change the situation. I don’t buy Gunner as a title contender but beating James Storm won’t hurt him. Can we get Storm a story that doesn’t involve a tag team though?

Kurt Angle says if he can’t beat Roode tonight, he doesn’t deserve the Hall of Fame.

Earlier today, Velvet Sky got a package from Chris Sabin and we get to see her open it. The note says she needs to bring them to Impact this week. There’s a teddy bear and a lead pipe, meaning Velvet isn’t pleased.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending and Velvet is in a small cage at ringside, complete with a bag containing the gifts. Feeling out process to start until Aries grabs a quick Last Chancery. Sabin is thrown to the floor but jumps back onto the apron to crotch Aries in the corner. Aries gets caught in the Tree of Woe for a baseball slide but avoids being thrown to the floor.

He comes back with elbows to the head and a Lionsault for two. A discus forearm sets up the running dropkick in the corner but Sabin counters the brainbuster. Sabin heads to the floor and gets the bag from Velvet but it just has the bear. Aries gets in an ax handle from the apron followed by a missile dropkick. The brainbuster gives Aries the title at 5:10.

Rating: C-. I’m having a really hard time caring about these matches when I don’t think all three have combined to go twenty minutes. These are all just meaningless title changes and the belt hasn’t grown at all as a result. I believe this puts Aries at four title reigns and it doesn’t make him a bigger star at all.

We get a strange promo from the Wolves with the camera going all over the place. Richards says you’ve seen their matches on Youtube so why would you make the wolves dance for their meal? They’re the start of the new era and next week the investor will be revealed to the world. Cool video.

We recap Angle vs. Roode. Bobby has beaten him over and over but tonight it’s in a cage and if Angle loses, he can never go into the Hall of Fame.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

Roode has a new sleeveless full body vest. It’s pin/submission/escape here. There’s no bell after the break so we’ll say this is joined in progress. Roode goes after Kurt to start but walks into a belly to belly suplex to give Angle control. He stomps Bobby down in the corner but his right hands are countered with a powerbomb into the cage. A suplex gets two for Roode and more choking ensues.

Angle grabs the legs and catapults Roode into the cage, setting up the Rolling Germans. The Angle Slam is countered and Angle is sent into the cage. A spinebuster gets a fast two for Roode but a Roode Bomb attempt is countered by Angle ramming Bobby into the cage. Now the Slam connects for two and there go the straps. Ankle lock goes on but Roode fights to his feet and takes Angle down with an enziguri.

We go old school with Roode’s Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) for two. Roode goe sup but Angle makes a save and rams Roode into the cage over and over again until he falls down. Kurt is still on the ropes and goes to escape before looking back at Roode. Oh no. Angle busts out the moonsault but only hits mat in a HUGE crash. Roode crawls out the door but Angle grabs the ankle to pull him back in. Kurt is kicked away so they do the same thing again but this time Kurt puts on the ankle lock, only to have Roode whip him into the cage.

The Roode Bomb gets two and Bobby climbs the cage, so Angle runs the corner and hits the Angle Slam to put both guys down again. Kurt crawls over for a slow two before making a very slow climb to the corner. He gets a leg over but Roode pulls him back in onto the top rope. They slug it out until Roode is crotched on the top, allowing Angle to climb out for the win at 14:17, seconds before Roode makes it out the door.

Rating: B. Angle is going to die in a wrestling ring at some point and there’s no way around it. This was a good but not classic cage match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Above all else, this match was given time to develop and it worked much better as a result. I’d buy this as the ending of the feud but there’s a chance they could get one more match out of them.

Ethan gives Spud a pep talk and names him the British Dream.

Here are the Bro Mans who say they’re on Team Dixie. Jesse says you only Bro once and asks the fans to tweet something right now to remember this moment. They say the word hashtag about 17 times and call out Eric Young and Joseph Park but just get the smaller one. He charges the ring and tries to fight everyone off but gets beaten down until Abyss makes the save. The monster cleans house and the champions and Zema run, leaving Eric to be grabbed by the throat but he talks Abyss out of it.

Joe is ready and wants a piece of Magnus afte Sting gets done with him.

Angle is worried about what happens if TNA loses Sting.

Rockstar Spud vs. Samoa Joe

This is exactly what you would expect with Joe not being afraid of Spud at all and hitting an early Facewash. Spud goes get in an eye rake and some kicks to the leg, only to charge into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner. The MuscleBuster and the Koquina Clutch are good for the win for Joe at 2:20.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Sting

No DQ and No Countout with Sting’s contract (not career) on the line against Magnus’ title. Joe is at ringside in Sting’s corner. Magnus cranks on a headlock to start as the fans chant Paper Champion. Off to a wristlock by the Brit but Sting flips him down onto the mat and Magnus bails to the ropes. A double clothesline puts both guys down and here’s Ethan to interfere but Joe blocks him on the ramp as we take a break.

Back with Sting putting on the Scorpion but Bad Influence comes out to neutralize Joe, allowing Ethan to make the save. Everyone is in the ring now so we’re already at four interferences. Joe and Sting fight them off and Magnus takes the Death Drop but it’s Zema and the Bro Mans for the save, getting us to seven interferences.

Bad Influence gets back into things but Angle makes a save (8), allowing Sting to superplex Magnus. A replacement referee comes out (9) and counts two but the Stinger Splash takes him out as well. There’s the Scorpion but Bobby Roode (10) breaks up the hold to save a tapping Magnus. The champ gets up for a Michinoku Driver and it’s Dixie bringing Earl Hebner (11 and 12) for the three count for the pin at 13:25. That one move put Sting out for about 45 seconds.

Rating: T. For twelve people that came out during the match. It’s hard to get that many people into a show sometimes and they did it in a fourteen minute match. These things are making it hard to care about any main event TNA promotes because they’re bigger messes than the Attitude Era ever dreamed of airing. This was more of a match than AJ vs. Magnus though.

Magnus rips up Sting’s contract to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. For Impact, this wasn’t bad but it keeps up one of TNA’s many problems: they always seem to be building to something but we never actually get to that point. It’s very much a company chasing its own tail and it has been for years. For instance, we spent months building to BFG but BFG was just a step towards Dixieland. Now Dixieland has bene just a step towards the investor, which will be a step to something else.

I’m sick of these power struggle stories and they keep TNA feeling like they’re on life support. I’m mildly interested in the reveal next week but my hopes are low enough that a mouse couldn’t get fit underneath them. The cage match was good but the main event was overdone, much like every other title match anymore.

Results

Gunner b. James Storm – Gunner grabbed the briefcase

Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster

Kurt Angle b. Bobby Roode – Angle escaped the cage

Samoa Joe b. Rockstar Spud – Koquina Clutch

Magnus b. Sting – Michinoku Driver

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Impact Wrestling
Date: November 7, 2013
Location: Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

It’s a big show this week for TNA as this is the start of their world title tournament, perhaps the final Impact outside of Orlando for a good while and it’s the 500^th episode. However, what has TNA been focused on with their new Impact 365 dead? The fact that Pacman Jones is back in TNA for a show or two.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with him, he’s the guy that was suspended from the NFL for a year and thought he’d make a quick buck “wrestling” (read as standing on the apron and making a cover here or there) in the mean time. Now he’s famous for being a decent football player that hasn’t gotten arrested in a few years. He’s been the focus for TNA in their internet videos late. Let’s get to it.

We open with Dixie in the back with Pacman when Mr. Anderson comes up. He doesn’t want any trouble but just a match with Bully. Dixie says she can make that happen.

We get a recap of AJ leaving and the announcement of the world title tournament via a voiceover similar to a movie trailer.

Pacman Jones and another Cincinnati Bengal are in the front row.

Here’s the Main Event Mafia, which is actually still a thing. Sting says the Mafia has accomplished its goals of keeping Aces and 8’s at bay and taking the world title away from Bully Ray. Today he can say mission accomplished, even though there has been a lot of trials and tribulation along the way. As of today, the Mafia is being put back up on the shelf. All of them have something they’re doing at the moment, such as Sting coming up short in the gauntlet match and the other three all being in the world title tournament.

Sting is going to be dealing with this thing called entitlement. He’s going to be dealing with those people that are trying to come in on top without ever having to pay any dues. Sting has respect for this business and hugs all three members of the team. He says he loves Joe and Angle but only hugs Magnus before walking away. Joe takes the mic and says he’s been denied a world title for far too long. The road to the title starts with Magnus and it’s going to go through Angle. They’re all friends, but Joe is going to remind them why they make far better enemies.

Magnus says that Angle is on a road to redemption but it’s also Magnus’ road to destiny. He loves Angle like a brother, but after he goes through Joe, he’ll mow Angle down if he has to. His goal is to become world champion but the fans don’t seem to have the same vision that Magnus has.

Angle is left alone in the ring and says Sting is right. They all have their own goals and his is to become world champion once again. He also wants to prove he’s Hall of Fame worthy, but last week he suffered a setback. Last week he was told he wasn’t cleared to compete, but since then he’s talked to his personal doctor….but here’s Roode with an interruption.

Roode says he’s embarrassed for Kurt because he keeps having to make excuses. Angle needs to be a man and admit that he’s lost twice in a row to the It Factor. Roode’s goal is the world title as well, and if he has to face Angle in the finals, he has no problem destroying him for a third time. Angle is cool with that but doesn’t want to wait for the finals so the fight is on now.

Angle is still in the ring after the break and says he’ll wait in the ring until he gets Bobby Roode even if it’s until next week. Roode comes right back out at him but security tries to break it up. The guys are finally split up after a few moments but Angle sprints up the ramp to get another piece. Joe, Magnus and Bad Influence come out to try to split them up and both guys are finally taken to the back.

The opening segment somehow keeps going with Bad Influence getting in the Bengals’ faces, only to have them come into the ring and slam Kaz and Daniels down.

Garrett and Knux say the condition of the club is none of the people’s business. Anderson comes up behind them and says that he just wants to talk. He says what they did to him was the best thing they’ve ever done to him. They need to get out of the club though because this isn’t what they started.

Velvet Sky vs. ODB vs. Brooke

Winner gets a title shot at some point in the future. Brooke and Velvet shake it a bit to start so ODB chests them down. A double Bronco Buster has Brooke and Sky in trouble but Brooke rolls ODB up for two. ODB gets knocked to the floor so Velvet can get a neckbreaker for two on Brooke. Velvet gets powerslammed down but Brooke takes her down and drops a top rope elbow to ODB. Everyone is down so here are Gail and Lei’D Tapa to watch as we take a break.

Back with a three way slugout with ODB taking over. Both girls put a half crab on Brooke at the same time. The alliance doesn’t last long as Velvet starts chopping away at ODB, only to be ran over again. ODB slams Brooke onto Velvet but goes to the floor to yell at Tapa and Kim. Brooke hits a dropkick through the ropes before clotheslining Velvet down. Everyone is back inside now and Brooke hits a cross body to take out both girls at once. Gail and Tapa get up on the apron and Gail comes in to break up In Yo Face to Brooke for a DQ at 9:45.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match in the world but the ending sucked. Since when are there DQ’s in a triple threat match? Velvet and ODB were their usual selves but Brooke looked a bit better than her typical performance here. The downside here is how obvious it was that the division is dying for some fresh blood though.

Post match Gail and Tapa destroy everyone (save for some forearms from ODB that staggered Tapa). Gail says it’s clear she has no competition so she’s issuing an open challenge to anyone from outside the company and if anyone beats her, they can have a title shot.

We get a video from AJ Styles of a title defense in AAA in Mexico.

Bully goes up to Knux and Garrett in the back and says he’s tired of being ignored. Knux goes on a rant about how this isn’t their club anymore but all about Bully. Ray says it’s because he’s president but Knux demands a vote tonight from all three of them and Taz. Knux storms off but Ray grabs Garrett and glares at him.

Dixie is on the phone, yelling at someone to fix the person who is humiliating her (presumably AJ). She hangs up when Ethan Carter III comes in. Dixie says he’s done a great job but they need to change their plan a bit. Tonight he gets to pick his opponent which he thinks will mean the end of the streak. Dixie says keep the intensity up.

It’s time for the Aces and 8’s vote. Ray comes out last and says his catchphrase but Garrett cuts him off by saying yes, they do know who he is. Before the vote can be taken, Anderson comes out to watch. Garrett votes that he’s finished and takes off his cut. Ray appeals to Knux but Knux says he doesn’t need Ray or the club. He takes off the cut as well, leaving just Tazz and Ray in the club.

Ray assumes that Tazz is going to vote with him, which Ray says we’re going to a tie, which goes to a president. Ray sucks up to Taz a bit before saying Tazz knows how to do what his president tells him to do. Tazz takes the mic and tells Ray to hit the brakes a little bit. They’ve been friends for a long time but have always done the right thing. The club has been about Bully’s agenda alone for way too long, so Tazz is done too. Ray says put those colors back on but Tazz says make him.

Ray yells at Anderson for ruining everything so Anderson throws out a challenge for a No DQ fight at Turning Point. Bully talks about Anderson looking up to Steve Austin, but Anderson has forgotten the first rule. Garrett and Knux jump Anderson so Ray can whip him with the chain while shouting DON’T TRUST ANYBODY. Ray says the Aces catchphrase and the team is still together. Yes, SERIOUSLY.

Back from a break with Bobby Roode coming up to the announce desk and promising to take Angle out tonight.

Ethan Carter III vs. Dewey Barnes

This is another rematch for Carter. Ethan runs him over to start and slams him face first into the mat out of a belly to back suplex. There’s a kick to the ribs but Dewey comes back with a dropkick in the corner and a neckbreaker but his missile dropkick misses. The Bulldog Driver (the 1 Percenter) ends Barnes at 2:25.

Joseph Park is eating candy corn in the back when Bad Influence shows up. Park says they’re bullying him while they suggest he’s Abyss. Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin (NFL players currently involved in a bullying scandal) references are made until Eric Young comes in to make science jokes and set up a tag team match.

Bad Influence vs. Eric Young/Joseph Park

Eric gets double teamed to start but sends Bad Influence into each other. Park comes in for some work on the arm but it’s back to Young for an Ultimo Dragon headstand in the corner. Kaz is sent to the floor for a suicide dive from Eric and a cross body back inside gets two. Young is sent to the corner for a Flair Flip plus some strutting on the apron, only to have Kaz knock him out to the floor. Back inside and Bad Influence lays him out with Daniels getting two off a clothesline to the back of the head.

A Kaz distraction prevents the referee from seeing the hot tag to Park but Young ducks a clothesline, sending Bad Influence into each other again. Now the hot tag brings in Park and there’s a Boston Crab on Kaz. Daniels makes the save but everything breaks down. Daniels whips Young knees first into the steps before picking up the bell ringer’s hammer. That goes nowhere so he picks up the Appletini to blind Park, allowing Kaz to crucifix him for the pin at 4:38.

Rating: D. Just a match here for the most part with nothing significant happening at all. We’ve seen these teams fight several times now and nothing has really been accomplished as a result. The only interesting thing here is the difference in comedy. Young and Park have hammered their jokes so far into the ground that they haven’t been funny for months. Bad Influence on the other hand at least keeps their comedy moving, which keeps them feeling much fresher. It’s a nice breather.

Post break here’s Angle again, saying he’ll be out here if Roode wants a piece. Instead he gets Austin Aries who says he respects everything Angle has done, but if Angle doesn’t bring his best, he has no chance. Dixie pops up on screen and spins the Wheel of Dixie to make it a submission match next week. Aries says good luck and walks away but Roode comes in from behind to jump Angle and beat him down against the steps. Aries makes the save so Angle will be at 100% next week. That’s nice of him. Angle throws Aries to the side to get at Roode but so Aries goes after Kurt until security breaks it up.

TNA World Title Tournament First Round: Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Sabin

This is Full Metal Mayhem, which is TNA’s version of TLC but you win by pin or submission. Sabin is sent into a chair in the corner to knock him to the floor, allowing Hardy to hit a clothesline off the apron to take Chris down again. Sabin comes back with a ladder to the ribs as we head back inside for a rolling cutter onto the ladder for two on Hardy. Jeff comes back with a backdrop to send Sabin onto the ladder in the corner and blasts Sabin with a garbage can.

Jeff sets up a table in the corner but Sabin hurricanranas out of whatever Hardy was setting up. Hardy gets crotched on the top and is caught in the Tree of Woe so Sabin can rip at his EARS. That’s just painful looking. A baseball slide dropkick sends a chair into Hardy’s face and Sabin stands on his groin in the corner. Hardy is able to blast Sabin in the back with a chair despite hanging upside down in a nice counter.

Poetry in Motion connects in the corner and a clothesline sends Sabin out to the floor. Hardy lays him on a table and goes up top but misses a dive, crashing through the table as a result. Back in and Sabin puts Hardy on a table but his splash hits knees. It still drives Jeff through the table though so I’m not sure how much good it did him. Jeff scores with a quick Twist of Fate and sets up the ladder for a Swanton off the top to send him to the next round at 10:45.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what it was supposed to be. It wasn’t anything that set the bar any higher, but it was what they advertised it as: complete mayhem with both guys destroying each other and a huge spot to end it. I fear for Jeff’s ability to move when he’s 54 years old, but the entertainment is good while it lasts.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a much better show than what TNA has been throwing at us lately but it was far from perfect. I really liked the Angle vs. Roode stuff which made me feel like they wanted to kill each other. It would be better if they were meeting in the tournament, but there’s always the chance that they could cost one another their matches to set up a showdown somewhere in the future.

On the other hand, we have Aces and 8’s. That’s my problem with them: they’re still around. This group has been around nearly 18 months at this point and shouldn’t have made it half that long. I have no idea why this team is still around and I have no idea what TNA sees in them anymore. It’s Ray and two goons who have never accomplished anything on their own but we’re still supposed to care about them?

Overall the show was decent tonight but there was too much stuff that went nowhere, such as pretty much everything other than the main event and Angle vs. Roode. I liked tonight’s episode, but I have zero faith in TNA to make this last at all. Maybe it’ll be good for a few weeks, but long term planning is TNA’s Kryptonite. Actually scratch that as it would imply TNA is Superman. We’ll say it’s their……whatever the weakness is of Carrotman.

Results

Gail Kim vs. ODB vs. Brooke went to a no contest when Gail Kim interfered

Ethan Carter III b. Dewey Barnes – 1 Percenter

Bad Influence b. Joseph Park/Eric Young – Crucifix to Park

Jeff Hardy b. Chris Sabin – Swanton Bomb off the top of the ladder

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So the big stories at the moment are Hogan possibly leaving after October 1, TNA possibly taking Impact off the road by the spring and Mickie James’ contract expiring and her walking away.  We’ll lump these together into one post and say…..1. This is I believe the third time in four years that it appears Hogan won’t be at Bound For Glory no matter what I believe?  At the end of the day, Hogan is probably more trouble than he’s worth.  I’d assume he’s the highest paid guy in TNA and he’s on TV about five minutes a week anymore.  I doubt Hogan is leaving forever, but I can’t imagine he won’t be at BFG.

2. Impact off the road would probably be a good thing.  It has to cost a good deal of money for them to change venues every other week and with only four regular PPVs a year, the financial burden must be weighing them down.  Yeah it’s annoying to have it in the same place every week, but if it’s what keeps them financially sound, so be it.

3. Mickie James leaving puts them at four active Knockouts: ODB, Velvet Sky, Gail Kim and Tessmacher, who hasn’t been in a match for months now.  Taryn is on maternity leave and will be gone for months.  But remember people: Ivelisse just doesn’t have what it takes to be on Impact.  All she has are looks, ability, charisma and in ring abilities, plus an appeal to the Latino demographic.  Just not worth it.

In short, TNA is in a big state of flux at the moment and it’s hard to say where it comes out.  It should be interesting though.

Knockout Knockdown
Date: September 6, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s time for another one of these shows because having four months between regular PPVs is perfectly fine in TNA. Tonight’s theme is pretty obvious: it’s all about the girls with a bunch of singles matches and the winners going into a battle royal to determine who is the best Knockout EVER. In other words, it’s the same one idea show as the tag team and X-Division shows. Let’s get to it.

The opening video basically says it’s all about the Knockouts and that’s it. Oh and it’s produced by Brooke Hogan so she can get her name on something else.

All of the Knockouts come to the ring to open the show. A lot of these girls are from OVW or have never appeared in TNA before. They’re here for a speech from Brooke to make sure we know she exists. She explains the tournament like it’s a regular tournament despite everything else I can find saying it’s a battle royal at the end with the winners of the previous match.

We get a clip from Bound For Glory 2007 where Gail Kim beat Roxxi Leveaux in the final match of a gauntlet match to become the first champion.

Gail Kim is in the back and lists off her accomplishments and says she’ll be the winner tonight. Madison Rayne pops in and says it would be awesome for Gail to become the new Queen of TNA.

Gail Kim vs. Alissa Flash

Flash is more famous as Cheerleader Melissa and Raisha Saed in TNA. Gail grabs a headlock to start as Taz complains about being ranked too low in PWI one year. Now it’s on to the Cauliflower Alley Club as Flash counters into an arm crank, only to have Gail take her down with relative ease. Flash comes back with a German suplex to send Gail to the outside for a breather.

A quick chase scene goes nowhere until Gail sends her into the barricade to take over. Back in and Gail chokes away before getting two off a missile dropkick. Off to an Octopus Hold (AJ’s Black Widow, even though the Octopus Hold is normally the name of a different hold entirely) but Flash counters into something resembling the Edgecator. Gail gets to the ropes and manages to kick Flash in the head to escape.

Flash goes nuts for a second and pounds away before taking Gail down with a Samoan drop. Some clotheslines put Gail down and Flash hits some rapid fire punches in the corner. Something like a curb stomp gets two and a missile dropkick gets the same for Alissa. A dragon screw leg whip puts Gail down but Alissa walks into Eat Defeat out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: C+. The abrupt ending aside, this was a nice match. As annoying as Gail has become due to always being on Impact, she can go in the ring when she has someone to work with. Flash was solid out there as well which shouldn’t surprise anyone who has seen her indy stuff. Good stuff here but I have a feeling it’s downhill from this point on.

Video on Lei’D Tapa who has only been wrestling for two years now. She cries because her uncle, the Barbarian, is so proud of her. I think this is her Gut Check video. It still should have been Ivelisse.

We get Ivelisse’s Gut Check video as well. Again, she has more experience, a better look, an MMA background (remember that the Gut Check with her and Tapa was around the time that Ronda Rousey was headlining a UFC show) and is very good looking, but she’s not the Barbarian’s niece so she has no future right?

Ivelisse vs. Lei’D Tapa

Tapa takes her down with ease and sends Ivelisse into the corner. Ivelisse gets all fired up and kicks Tapa back before a kick to the ribs sends Lei’D down. Tapa tries to sit down onto Ivelisse to block a sunset flip but only hits mat. A shot to the ribs takes Ivelisse down and a bad looking slam does the same. Ivelisse chops away but gets clotheslined back down followed by something like an AA for no cover.

Tapa chokes her down and pounds on Ivelisse’s back some more but charges into a kick in the corner. A bad looking rana (since Tapa is a freaking giant) puts Tapa down to the floor and a BIG dive takes her down again. The fans are into Ivelisse, giving TNA even more proof that they screwed up. Back in and Ivelisse puts on a guillotine choke but Tapa swings her forward into a slam for the pin.

Rating: D+. It still should have been Ivelisse. I still see absolutely nothing from her that would make me want to watch another one of her matches. She’s nothing special in the ring, she doesn’t talk that well and the fans don’t care. The ONLY thing she has going for her is her size but she’s not dominant like Kong was. She’s just big and that’s not enough to build a career on. I still haven’t heard a reason I agree with to pick Tapa but it’s another reason to criticize them.

We get a clip from BFG 2012 where Tara won the Knockouts Title and introduced Jesse Godderz as her Hollywood boyfriend.

Tara brags about being awesome and Jesse acts like a jerk of course.

Tara vs. Mia Yim

Yim is another indy chick that I’ve never seen before. Tara shoves her down to start before going to chill next to Jesse. A hiptoss puts Mia down as the announcers ignore the match with one of their stupid conversations about nothing at all. Mia comes back with some hiptosses to send Tara to the floor and a missile dropkick sends her right back outside. We get another chase with Jesse grabbing Mia’s leg to give Tara control.

Tara clotheslines her down for two but Mia Matrixes out of it in a nice counter. We hit the chinlock on Yim but she gets the knees up to block Tara’s standing moonsault. Mia comes back with a bunch of kicks and a Lionsault gets no cover as Mia injures her ribs. Instead a German suplex gets two on Tara but a Jesse distraction causes Mia to miss a corkscrew splash. The Widow’s Peak sends Tara to the battle royal.

Rating: C. Mia didn’t look bad here but there’s only so much you can show in six minutes. That’s part of the problem with this show so far: these matches, other than maybe the opener which has gotten more time than the other matches, feel like they belong on Impact. Granted we’re only 45 minutes in and the show hasn’t been terrible or anything yet.

Video on some campaign called Dare To Be, which is little more than a way to show a swimsuit photo shoot. Nothing wrong with that other than ODB. It basically turns into a music video with a lot of shots of a graphic for the Knockouts website.

Video of Tessmacher winning the Knockouts Title.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Santana

Santana Garrett is another indy chick who is rather good looking. Both girls pose on the corner to start with Tessmacher being more popular. Santana takes over with a quick clothesline and a Russian legsweep for two. Off to a Fujiwara Armbar on Tessmacher but she rolls through and kicks Santana in the head for two. Santana hits a low kick of her own for two and it’s off to a freaky looking double arm submission.

Tess fires off a headbutt and avoids a middle rope cross body before a forearm puts Santana down. A Stinkface annoys Santana so she slams Tess down but a Tajiri handspring into a moonsault hits knees. The Tess Shocker (the belly to back suplex into a face plant) gets the pin on Santana in a quick match.

Rating: C-. Santana is another chick who looked decent out there and Tessmacher was her usual self. You can take that line to mean whatever you like for it to mean. They probably did the right thing here by keeping things short as Tessmacher isn’t the kind of chick you want in a long match. Just have her look good on camera and get out of there quick.

ODB says she’s tough and doesn’t care who she’s fighting tonight. She’s fighting Trinity and promises to out drink her.

Now, for more proof that these are a waste of time, here’s the ENTIRE ODB and Eric Young wedding. Literally, they spent fifteen minutes showing us the ENTIRE SEGMENT. Are they that strapped for cash that they can’t take one of the girls in the three way tonight and thrown a few hundred bucks at some indy chick to give her the biggest match of her career? Instead we get this entire thing which really has nothing to do with the Knockouts. It’s a comedy angle that came and went and that’s about it. Egads what a waste of time.

ODB vs. Trinity

Trinity still looks good. She talks trash to start so ODB rubs her crotch at Trinity to show how classy she is. A clothesline puts Trinity on the floor for our first move in a minute and a half. ODB follows her out and rams Trinity into the apron before a LOUD chop fires the crowd up a bit. ODB uses a handshake to pull Trinity into a clothesline but Trinity takes her down and stomps a bit. This is going nowhere. ODB keeps crawling towards her flask before coming back with another clothesline. She finally gets the flask and goes nuts with a bronco buster for two. The Bam is good for the pin on Trinity to finally end this.

Rating: D. ODB isn’t classy. We get it already. Now do ANYTHING else. Trinity looked great in her attire but was nothing to see in the ring at all. Why I’m supposed to cheer a loud woman who rubs her crotch and can’t function in a wrestling match without alcohol is beyond me, but they’re going to push her forever anyway.

Video on Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell, including their awesome last Knockout standing match.

Taryn Terrell vs. Jackie Moore

In case you’ve never heard my opinion on Moore, we’ll keep it simple and say I wouldn’t mind if she was trampled by stampeding camels. Why she keeps getting spots on shows is beyond me, but I’m sure she can shout really loudly and explain why, because shouting really loudly is just as good as anything else right?

Jackie pounds away but Taryn comes back with an elbow to the face. Terrell pounds away in the corner but Jackie slams her down and calls her Barbie. Some hair drags have Taryn down even more and we hit the chinlock. A back elbow drops Taryn for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and a double clothesline puts both girls down as the crowd isn’t all that interested. Taryn fires off some clotheslines and gets two off a clothesline. A middle rope clothesline puts Jackie down and a spear gets two more. Taryn misses a middle rope bulldog and Jackie dropkicks her down for the pin. Just go with it.

Rating: D. At the beginning of this show, we saw a video of the Taryn vs. Gail match and heard about how great it was. We then got a long video about their entire feud. Instead of having them meet in the main event, WE GET JACKIE FREAKING MOORE BECAUSE SHE’S LOUD AND WRESTLED MEN BEFORE AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING. The match sucked because Jackie Moore exists. Moving on.

Video on British Boot Camp to introduce us to the Blossom Twins.

Hannah Blossom is excited to be here even though her sister Holly is still in England.

Taeler Hendrix vs. Sojournor Bolt vs. Hannah Blossom

Hendrix was a Gut Check chick who got released, Bolt wrestled here for a bit a few years back and Blossom is a British blonde with a twin, both of whom wrestled in OVW for years before the Boot Camp show. Taeler looks great here. Before the match Bolt says since she’s been gone, no one has been bigger, better or blacker. Bolt and Hendrix tease an alliance as the fans chant USA.

We get a three way test of strength to start with Blossom getting double teamed. A double hiptoss puts Hannah down and the argument begins between the “friends”. Hannah rams their heads together to take over, only to have Bolt take her down and grab a leg lock. Hendrix adds a chinlock at the same time to make the Brit scream. Taeler takes off her skirt to reveal some shorts, making the crowd love her even more.

Hendrix and Bolt chop it out as Taz and Tenay make stupid Twitter jokes. Bolt is sent to the floor so Hannah can take over on Taeler. Bolt pulls Hendrix to the floor and hits a Death Valley Driver for two on Blossom. Taeler and Bolt get in a shouting match before Bolt holds Hannah, only to have Taeler run Bolt over. A bicycle kick from Hannah takes Taeler down for the pin.

Rating: C. It’s a shame that Hendrix is gone as the fans were eating her up with a spoon here. Bolt was fine and could work well in TNA and Hannah looked WAY better than I remember her in OVW. This was one of the better matches tonight but again with just five minutes it didn’t have time to go anywhere. At least we saw the wedding though right?

Another music video on the Knockouts.

Jillian Hall vs. Velvet Sky

You probably remember Jillian from her bad singing schtick in WWE which may or may not have been a Brooke Hogan parody. Jillian does the singing bit here which stopped being funny years ago. The fans are entirely behind Velvet as she accuses Jillian of a hair pull. Some forearms stagger Jillian and she charges into a boot in the corner.

Velvet sends her into the buckle over and over and spanks her for good measure. A bulldog gets two on Jillian but she sends Velvet out to the floor. Sky is sent into the steps so Jillian can ram her head into the mat a few times. A backbreaker gets two on Velvet as Taz shouts about Jillian fooling him or some nonsense like that.

Off to an arm crank from Hall before she stomps on Velvet’s back a bit. Sky blocks a suplex and hits a kind of front DDT to put both girls down. Jillian takes over and pounds away but a clothesline is only good for two. Jillian’s handspring elbow is countered into a victory roll but Hall drops down into a rollup for two (think Bret vs. Owen at WM X). Not that it matters as Velvet wins with In Yo Face a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Jillian was always all looks/gimmick and nothing in the ring, which can probably be applied to Velvet as well. The match was nothing of note but Taz and Tenay’s idiotic talking brought it down even further. There was nothing going on here but at least we got to look at Velvet for a few minutes.

Video on Mickie James’ career in TNA, mainly focusing on beating Madison in a cage at Lockdown in about 30 seconds.

Serena vs. Mickie James

Serena is the chick who used to be in the Straightedge Society but now she has long hair which really works for her. I believe this is before Mickie’s heel turn. They hug it out and shake hands to start. Taz: “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS???” Serena takes her to the mat as Tenay and Taz talk about Lance Russell for no apparent reason. Mickie gets caught in a headscissors on the mat but she bounces out, giving the male fans some nice shots. After some nice mat work it’s off to a wristlock by Serena leading to a standoff.

They shake hands again as Taz loudly shouts HARDCORE COUNTRY over and over. Mickie rides Serena on the mat a bit and Serena can’t armdrag out of it. A Jackknife cover gets two for James and an Oklahoma Roll gets the same. Back up and Serena wants a test of strength but Mickie shouts that she has bigger hands than Serena. Mickie takes her down to the mat but Serena bridges up to take over. Now it’s James with a bridge which Serena can’t even break by bouncing down onto her.

Mickie fights up and hits a basement dropkick to send Serena to the floor as this is by far already the best match of the night so far. Back in and Serena offers another handshake but pulls Mickie into a headlock to take over. A back elbow sends Mickie to the floor just like she did to Serena a few seconds ago. Serena blasts Mickie in the face as she comes back in as we have our mid match heel turn. Mickie is slammed head first into the mat by the hair for two and Serena poses a lot.

We hit the chinlock as Taz scores the match for some reason. Back up and Serena misses a charge into the post and Mickie gets a needed breather. They slug it out with both girls throwing haymakers and Mickie taking over. A clothesline puts Deeb down and the top rope Thesz Press (minus the Press) sets up the MickieDT for the pin on Serena.

Rating: B-. This was much better than anything else we had seen so far tonight. Deeb clearly knows what she’s doing out there and the long hair makes her look better than she did bald. I liked the idea of her turning in the middle of the match as it gave the match a bit of a story. Good stuff here.

We recap the show so far to set up the gauntlet.

Gauntlet Match

So apparently it’s the usual Royal Rumble style until we get to the final two where it’s pin/submission for the win. All of the winners from earlier in the night are involved. Hannah Blossom and Gail Kim get us going for presumably two minutes. Gail goes right at Hannah to start and takes her down with a backbreaker. Some corner choking has the Brit in even more trouble as this is one sided so far. Hannah comes back with a quick suplex and an elbow drop for a cover before realizing how the rules work. Not that it matters as Gail knocks her to the apron and then the floor for the elimination.

Lei’D Tapa is #3 after about a minute and fifty seconds, though they probably sped it up for the sake of time. Either that or it’s an actual gauntlet with the next person coming in after an elimination. Gail pounds on her in the corner to start but Tapa comes back with some power choking and a big boot to the face. Tapa can’t get her out due to a rake of the eyes and here’s Tara at #4. Tara goes after Lei’D but can’t lift her up in a fireman’s carry. Tapa takes her over to the ropes but Gail makes the same and the two normal sized girls double team the monster.

Mickie is #5 as Tapa beats on both other girls. James fires off kicks in the corner to the big girl and the other two help her out, only to be shoved away by Tapa. Tenay makes Andre the Giant comparisons and Taz goes off on him for stupidity, despite the comparison making sense. In a bad looking botch, Mickie tries a hurricanrana on Tapa with the other girls helping, only to see Mickie fall to the floor as well. She gets back in and it’s never acknowledged but it looked horrible. Either way it eliminates Tapa as Tessmacher is in at #6.

Tessmacher goes after Tara as Mickie and Gail fight for the 1000th time. Gail is sent to the apron but gets back in as Tara sends Tessmacher to the apron for the same result. Jackie Moore is in at #7 to bring the match down a few pegs. Gail and Jackie stomp on Tessmacher and Mickie kicks at Tara in the corner. ODB is #8 as everyone is laying around. She and Jackie get into it almost immediately before ODB opts to spank Tara a bit. ODB takes a shot from the flash and spits it in Jackie’s face before eliminating her.

Velvet Sky is #8, giving us a final grouping of Gail, ODB, Tara, Mickie, Tessmacher and Sky. Everyone pairs off as this is in full on traditional battle royal formula. Tessmacher kicks Mickie to the apron but can’t get her any further than that. Velvet and ODB wind up on the apron and slug it out with Velvet knocking ODB to the floor for an elimination. Gail easily eliminates Velvet and we’re down to four.

Gail and Tara throw Tessmacher out before double teaming James in the corner. Tara turns on Gail and hits the fireman’s carry into the side slam, allowing Mickie to get back up and hammer on Tara a bit. Mickie throws Tara out to get us down to two, meaning it’s Gail vs. Mickie, first fall wins. Gail is in early trouble and gets caught by the Thesz Press for two. Gail blocks the MickieDT but gets slammed out of the corner, injuring her ankle in the process. Mickie totally falls for it as the trainer comes out, but it’s a ruse (SHOCKING!) as Gail rolls up Mickie with a handful of shorts for the pin and the Miss TNA crown.

Rating: D. This was every gauntlet match you’ve ever seen: slow for the most part with a few nice moments, but for the most part it’s paint by numbers stuff. The ending was nothing special as the “match” was about a minute long with over half of that being spent on the fake injury. Not much to see here but at least it was longer than anything else.

Post match Madison comes out to give Gail her crown. Gail makes Madison leave after being crowned to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the problem with the Knockouts in general and this show in particular: the roster is so thin that we’ve seen almost all of the main matches ad nauseum. At the time this show aired, I believe there are four or five active Knockouts. Other than Taryn (who lost to the great and mighty Jackie Moore), almost no one new has been added to the division in over a year. There’s just nothing in the division and the final group of people here were the same girls we’ve seen forever. TNA desperately needs to bring in some fresh blood and the Blossoms, Serena, Flash or Ivelisse would be great places to start.

The show was nothing great with most of the matches just not having the time they needed to go anywhere. Also, there was WAY too much filler. I get the idea of a video here or there, but airing the ENTIRE fifteen minute wedding segment plus a bunch of other videos on a two hour and forty minute show is ridiculous. Again, I’m sure you could find one other girl to bring in and make the triple threat a singles match and pad out the show much better. There’s just nothing to see here and the show felt like it was just trying to fill in time until it was over.

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