WWE Vault Grab Bag VI: In SLP Mode!

WWE Vault Grab Bag VI
Commentators: Lenny Leonard, Rob Niemi, Tony Schiavone, Lord Alfred Hayes, Vince McMahon, Byron Saxton, Jim Ross, William Regal, Lenny Leonard, Rod Trongard, Jim Ross

So I’m up to another one of these and after last time, I’m rather intrigued by what that could mean. There are some absolutely great things available but since it’s all random choice, I have no idea what I’m going to pull. That makes it all the more fun so hopefully it works out. Let’s get to it.

From Evolve 99. We actually get a special intro from World Heavyweight Champion Gunther, who says this is what wrestling is supposed to look like.

Walter vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

Sabre’s Evolve Title isn’t on the line. Sabre tries to go around him to start and is quickly taken into the corner, earning himself a front facelock. That’s broken up and we get some nice applause, followed by a rather aggressive headlock takeover to Sabre. Walter easily powers him down by the arm and a test of strength goes badly for Sabre as well. They go to the test of strength again and Sabre can’t break the bridge.

Walter can break Sabre’s though, only for Sabre to pop back up in quite the impressive visual. The big chop gives Walter two and he doesn’t like Sabre trying to chop him back. A big slam sends Sabre flying as this is pretty one sided thus far. Sabre finally pulls him down and stomps the arm but Walter uses the good arm to knock Sabre’s soul into the next county.

Another one turns Sabre inside out and a right hand drops him again. Back up and Sabre kicks at the leg to pull Walter into a kneebar. Walter gets to the rope and they head outside where he hits another hard chop. Lane: “I don’t know exactly how much money Sabre owes Walter but I’d be happy to lend it to him.” More chops have Sabre staggering around so he tries a chop of his own, earning himself one heck of a boot to the face. Back in and Walter wins another strike off, even shrugging off a middle rope elbow to the jaw.

Sabre does manage a DDT out of the corner though and they’re both down. Sabre’s PK is cut off so he kicks at the arm and gets an abdominal stretch. With that broken up, Walter busts out the dropkick out of the corner and it’s another double down. Back up and Sabre tries another chop and gets kicked into the sleeper for his efforts. Some suplexes give Walter two but Sabre is back with the Octopus.

That’s reversed into a failed Tombstone attempt and now the PK connects, leaving Sabre down for a breather. Back up and Sabre tries to chop again and gets dropped with a single shot to the face. Sabre tries a European Clutch, which is countered into Walter’s sleeper, which is countered into the Clutch for two. Back up and Sabre grabs a guillotine choke but Walter reverses into a suplex.

They get up again and Walter chops him down again, with commentary pointing out how the striking has been a REALLY BAD IDEA for Sabre. Walter chops him down again but a clothesline is countered into a cross armbreaker. That sends Walter over to the rope and he chops his way out a triangle choke. The powerbomb only gives Walter one so he hits a second for the pin at 17:58.

Rating: B. This was kind of an odd match, as Sabre was trying to come up with a way to get around Walter’s chops and never getting close. The idea seemed to be that he was trying to get through with a hold but Walter never came close to feeling like he was in serious trouble. It was more Sting vs. Vader from the 1992 Great American Bash, with Sabre getting smashed in the end for quite the emphatic win. Either way, those chops were devastating and Walter looked like a smashing machine, as has often been his custom.

From the First WWF Event In London (that’s pretty much what it was called) on October 10, 1989 in a match I’ve seen a bunch of times.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Savage, with Sherri, is challenging while Hogan has Elizabeth. We get the bell and Savage immediately hits the stall button, as he has a tendency to do. The lockup goes to Hogan, who shoves Savage hard into the corner for another breather. A running shoulder drops Savage again and they go outside, where Sherri goes after Elizabeth. Back in and Savage gets knocked to the floor again, where he grabs the mic and promises to take the title.

This time Sherri gets inside with him for a double beating, which Hogan shrugs off again and knocks Savage outside. Sherri is sent outside with him but it’s enough for Savage to rake the eyes and FINALLY get a breather. Hold on though as Savage goes after Elizabeth on the floor, allowing Hogan to jump him again. Back in and some choking draws Sherri to the apron, where Elizabeth actually knocks her over the top.

Hogan goes outside to stalk Sherri, allowing Savage to get in another shot to take over again. The top rope ax handle gets two and Savage grabs a sleeper, as he just never learns. Hogan fights up and hits some running shoulders before they clothesline each other for a double down. Savage grabs a rollup with trunks for two and the sleeper goes on again.

That’s broken up and Hogan makes the comeback like he’s a superhero fighting out of a sleeper but Savage snaps his throat across the top. Sherri slips in the loaded purse for a top rope shot to the head, only for Savage to pull him up at two. Naturally the top rope elbow brings Savage to his feet and the comeback is on. Sherri comes in to no avail and it’s the big leg to retain (with Elizabeth cutting Sherri off) at 14:03.

Rating: C+. Maybe it’s that I’ve seen this match so many times or that it’s another example of Savage looking like a moron against Hogan, but this didn’t do much for me. Savage had lost to Savage so many times by this point that it stopped mattering, though the London fans hadn’t seen it yet so at least it was new to them. If nothing else, Savage winning once, even off a fluke of some sort, would have made things feel more dramatic. I’m just not sure when that could have happened.

Post match we get a lot of posing, with both Elizabeth and the fans seeming to enjoy it.

From January 20, 1998 in a dark match before Raw, described as “The Attitude Era’s WILDEST Dark Match”.

Erin O’Grady vs. Vic Grimes

O’Grady is better known as Crash Holly and Grimes was one of Da Baldies in ECW. The fact that this has SLP and various other VCR buttons included tells you all you need to know here. O’Grady strikes away in the corner to start but gets shoved out with ease. Grimes tosses him out of the corner but O’Grady nips up in a rather impressive athletic spot. Some running dropkicks stagger Grimes and a missile dropkick gives O’Grady a delayed two.

A top rope hurricanrana drops Grimes again but he’s back up with some big shots in the corner. Grimes, who weighs about 300lbs, misses a charge in the corner and crashes out over the corner, allowing O’Grady to hit a nice springboard dive. Back in and O’Grady runs the ropes until he gets spun into a heck of a side slam. A torture rack dropped down into a backbreaker has O’Grady in even more trouble and a reverse sitout powerbomb plants him again.

They head outside, where Grimes grabs a chair to hit himself in the head a few times. O’Grady is sat in the chair and Grimes goes back inside for a running flip dive over the top, which only hits the empty chair. Back in and O’Grady gets his throat snapped across the top but Grimes misses a Swanton of all things. A missed charge in the corner lets O’Grady grab a tornado DDT and he slingshots forward to grab a hurricanrana. O’Grady tries it again but gets caught in a powerbomb, with Grimes flipping him up into a cutter for the pin at 7:02.

Rating: B+. Yeah it’s really that good, with O’Grady pulling out a bunch of stuff that had me thinking of AJ Styles. These two had worked together a bunch of times in California (where this took place) so it was no surprise that they had great chemistry together. It’s also no surprise that they both got developmental contracts immediately after this match. Check this out, as it’s genuinely a very entertaining match and by far the best I’ve ever seen from O’Grady.

From January 28, 1992 in Amarillo, Texas, a dark match at a Superstars taping.

Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage vs. Berzerker/Jake Roberts

Well dang the boys are back together. Berzerker is substituting for Undertaker, which makes me think how a Hogan vs. Berzerker run would have gone. Not well, but the idea would have made sense. Berzerker backs off from Hogan to start before hammering away. A dropkick of all things misses though and Hogan knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Hogan pokes him in the eyes, allowing Savage to come in for a change.

That lets Berzerker take him into the corner, allowing Roberts to send him crashing out to the floor. Mr. Fuji (of course he’s here) gets in a cane shot before Savage is thrown back inside for a Berzerker style beating from Berzerker. Roberts gets in a few shots of his own before handing it back to Berzerker, who is knocked away without too much trouble.

It’s back to Hogan for the usual house cleaning, including a big boot to send Berzerker over the top. Hogan beats on Roberts (that’s a weird visual) before handing it back to Savage to slug away. The top rope ax handle sends Roberts outside and he takes a walk but here are Undertaker and Paul Bearer to cut him off. Back in and Hogan gets a rollup for the pin (with Savage counting as well) at 8:16.

Rating: C. The action was nothing to see as it was a post show dark match, but dang the star power was high here, with the red hot Roberts, the freaking MEGA POWERS and Undertaker. Oh and Berzerker, who actually didn’t take the pin, which is kind of a shocker. This is the kind of thing I love seeing from the Vault (or the Savage Unreleased DVD) as it legitimately feels special and makes you wonder what else is hidden in those archives.

From New York City, New York on May 4, 1981 and this is a classic.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Pat Patterson

This is the Alley Fight, which basically means street fight. We get an intro from Slaughter, explaining that this stems from the Cobra Clutch challenge, where Patterson (an interviewer) was offered $10,000 to get out of Slaughter’s Cobra Clutch. It led to a fight (of course) and they had a match which went to a double DQ. Therefore, it was time to go violent.

Slaughter goes over the entire match and even explains the ending, as Slaughter knows how to drag anything out. Apparently Slaughter had to get his passport photo when his head was still bandaged and people knew it was from the Alley Fight. I’m sure that’s the case Sarge. After a nearly EIGHT MINUTE intro from Slaughter, we’re ready to go.

The fans get rather excited at the announcement of the match and Patterson is in jeans and an I Heart New York shirt. Slaughter has the Grand Wizard Of Wrestling with him and Patterson jumps Slaughter as he gets inside to start fast. Patterson kicks and stomps away in the corner before pulling off the belt. The whipping is on, followed by some choking, but Patterson is backdropped out to the floor. Back in and Patterson whips away again before kicking Slaughter in the ribs with those big cowboy boots.

Slaughter gets in a shot of his own though and wraps the belt around Patterson’s mouth. Some choking has Patterson in trouble but he flips Slaughter out to the floor to escape. Back in and a middle rope knee hits Slaughter so Patterson does it again. Slaughter kicks him down and drops a jumping knee of his own before going up top but thinking better of it.

Patterson gets in a shot of his own to bust Slaughter open and the catapult sends him into the post to make it even worse. Patterson’s comeback is cut off with a low blow but Slaughter can barely stand up. He slowly hammers on Patterson, who gets his own cowboy boot and starts hammering away. The blood is so bad that the Wizard throws in the towel to give Patterson the win at 14:13 and blow the roof off the place.

Rating: B. This was a heck of a fight and it lived up to the expectations. The key here was that it came off like an actual fight with two guys wanting to hurt each other. Patterson was way past his prime here but he worked hard and had a heck of a performance. I dug this one quite a bit and it’s more than worth a look to see two guys beating the daylights out of each other without needing a bunch of insane weapons.

From October 17, 2012, a dark match at an NXT taping.

We’re joined in progress with Kassius Ohno attacking CM Punk for the DQ in a match against Antonio Cesaro. Cue Seth Rollins for the save so the fans want a tag team match. Works for Punk and we’re ready to go.

Kassius Ohno/Antonio Cesaro vs. CM Punk/Seth Rollins

Aksana is here with the villains. Ohno and Cesaro try to leave but get dragged back to the ring for the opening bell. Rollins takes over on Ohno and grabs a cravate, allowing Punk to come in and strike him down for two. The Muta Lock goes on to put Cesaro in trouble and he has to grab the rope. It’s back to Rollins for a dropkick to Ohno but Aksana grabs the leg, allowing Cesaro to get in a big boot.

Rollins gets his legs snapped with some wishbones for two and it’s back to Cesaro to send him hard into the corner. Rollins finally fights back against Cesaro and gets over for the tag to Punk. House is quickly cleaned, including the running knee in the corner to Ohno, followed by the bulldog right back out. The top rope elbow…I guess connects as we cut to the crowd, meaning it was a likely botch of some sort, as Cesaro makes a save. Rollins is back in for a Sliced Bread to Cesaro and Punk adds the GTS for Ohno for the double pin at 10:33.

Rating: B-. This was a perfectly fine match, though I’m a bit curious about the likely botch on the elbow. Commentary didn’t act like anything was wrong so I’m wondering what we missed in there. Either way, this was a good way to send the fans home happy at the end of the night. Punk was a mega star and Rollins was the NXT Champion, along with Cesaro being the US Champion so this was quite the star studded event.

From Corpus Christi, Texas on December 2, 1991, a dark match at a Wrestling Challenge taping.

Ric Flair/Jake Roberts/Undertaker vs. Randy Savage/Jim Duggan/Roddy Piper

Mr. Perfect and Paul Bearer are here with the former. Oddly Undertaker would have been the WWF Champion here but is neither announced as the champion nor brings the belt with him. Flair backs Piper into the corner to start and gets slapped down, with Piper backing him into the other corner. Back up and Flair actually busts out a leapfrog before being knocked out to the floor. It’s off to Roberts, who wants Savage, which has Piper declaring Piper stupid.

Savage wrecks Roberts so Undertaker comes in and gets to beat on Duggan. Naturally the fans chat USA, despite the one non-American in the match being on the good side. Duggan fights out of the corner to hand it off to Piper, who explodes on Flair with the rapid fire punches in the corner. Some slower punches are cut off by the referee, allowing Flair to get in a cheap. The villains take turns beating on Piper, who slips away without much trouble. Everything breaks down and Savage drops the elbow for the fast pin on Flair to get out of there at 8:43.

Rating: C+. Totally acceptable send the fans home happy match here and that’s all it needed to be. It’s about getting some star power out there with the good guys going over in a match that doesn’t mean much. Duggan felt like the odd man out in there but those big right hands work on anyone. Fun stuff here.

From Wrestlemania XXVII Axxess.

Zack Ryder and Tyson Kidd introduce us to a tag match. Apparently they got a text at the last minute asking them for this match, which aired on MTV. Kidd considered it was an honor to be put in Piper’s sleeper.

Zack Ryder/Tyson Kidd vs. Roddy Piper/Rob Dyrdek

Piper comes out before Dyrdek and talks about how this is for the Make A Wish Foundation (ah there we go). He asks if Ryder and Kidd are having a good day before threatening to make it worse. Piper brings out a pair of unknowns and then Dyrdek, who skateboards down a ramp and goes over the top for quite the entrance. Kidd says that doesn’t make Dyrdek entertaining and no one wants to see a Johnny Knoxville wannabe team up with a broken down has been.

Somehow Kidd thinks insulting Piper is a good thing and Piper talks about fans coming here to see him 27 years ago. Now they’re here to see Dyrdek (or Kid Lightning), though Ryder isn’t convinced. Dyrdek praises Piper and says that the other two don’t know when lightning is going to strike. Piper (thankfully wrestling in a shirt) starts with Kidd and, after some stalling, drives him into the corner. Kidd shoves him away and actually goes for a handshake, allowing Piper to get in some slaps.

Piper works on the arm and spits at Ryder before handing it off to Dyrdek to stay on the arm. Ryder comes in so Piper and Dyrdek take turns working on his arm as well. Dyrdek actually gets knocked down and Kidd gives him a backbreaker, only to miss a middle rope elbow. Piper comes back in to fire off right hands and eye pokes but gets taken into the corner. One of the unknowns shoves Ryder down and Dyrdek comes down the ramp on his skateboard to dive into a crossbody for the pin on Ryder at 3:47.

Rating: C. The ending alone was far better than I was expecting (I would have bet on this being the basic rollup pin) but this was pretty much exactly what it should have been. Piper is old and Dyrdek isn’t a wrestler and the heels are just warm bodies for their sake. It’s perfectly fine as a way to give the Axxess fans a treat and there is nothing wrong with that.

From a WWA event (billed as a Funkin Dojo showcase event) in Quincy, Massachusetts on August 22, 1998.

Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage

Dory Funk Jr. and Jim Cornette are here too. Angle is wearing basic workout shorts and tennis shoes for a weird look. A fireman’s carry lets Angle ride him on the mat a bit and he picks the leg to do it again. Cage actually wrestles him down but can’t do much on the mat. A headlock takeover has Cage in more trouble and Angle grinds away on a headlock. Back up and Cage stomps away in the corner before dancing around a bit.

Cage sends him outside for a tennis racket shot to the back and Funk has to help Angle back inside, as a manager tends to do. We hit the chinlock back inside, followed by the layout reverse DDT for two. Back up and Angle rolls some German suplexes before a belly to belly gets two (with the mat sounding like they’re crashing hard every time). Cage is back with a powerslam but misses a top rope splash, allowing Angle to grab a rolling three quarter nelson for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: C. The key thing to remember here is that Angle debuted TWO DAYS before this, making this his third ever professional match. Of course he’s not any good yet and has no idea what he’s doing. This was all about Angle getting his toes wet (he’s not ready for feet) and there is nothing wrong with that. The match is hardly anything good, but it was a way for Angle to do his basic stuff and get used to being in front of a crowd. The fact that he was about a year and a half away from being the Eurocontinental Champion and having a heck of a match with Benoit and Jericho at Wrestlemania is nothing short of remarkable.

From Dragon Gate USA’s Mercury Rising 2010.

Warriors vs. World-1

That would be Cima/Gamma/Dragon Kid vs. BxB Hulk/Masato Yoshino/Naruki Doi. Kid and Yoshino start things off with Yoshino’s wristlock not lasting long. Instead they run the ropes until Kid snaps off a headscissors. We’re clipped to Gamma rubbing Hulk’s face in the corner and chopping him in the head. Kid comes back in and drops some knees with Doi making the save.

We’re clipped again to Gamma coming off the top with a kendo stick for a low blow to Hulk. We’re clipped again to Cima double stomping Hulk and tying up his legs while suplexing Doi at the same time. Kid is back in for the save as everything breaks down and we’re clipped again to some stereo Black Widows going on, with Kid and Yoshino chopping it out while still holding said octopuses. Kid gets two off a DDT with Yoshino having to make a save. Cima puts Yoshino in the Tree Of Woe but misses a Coast To Coast, allowing Yoshino to come back with a missile dropkick/top rope backsplash (not bad for the same time).

Kid gets release German superplexed and Yoshino adds a Michinoku Driver for two more. We’re clipped again to Yoshino getting triple dropkicked but Doi kicks Cima into a cradle for two. Hulk slams Cima for two but Gamma catches him on top. Yoshino is back in with the nasty kendo stick shot to Hulk (the ref doesn’t mind) and Kid grabs a super poisonrana for the huge crash.

A West Coast Pop gives Kid two and we’re clipped again to Yoshino grabbing a nasty choke on Gamma with Hulk cutting off the save as Gamma passes out at 7:45 shown. The whole match is almost half an hour so I won’t rate it, but if you’ve seen Dragon Gate six man tags, you know they’re absolutely insane and a blast every time.

From an AWA show in St. Paul, Minnesota, March 13, 1983.

Hulk Hogan/High Flyers vs. Jesse Ventura/Bobby Heenan/Ken Patera

Oh this could be fascinating. The High Flyers are Greg Gagne/Jim Brunzell, the top good guy team of their day in the AWA. Heenan goes for a cheap shot to start but the villains are quickly cleared out, as you might expect. Hogan steps on Ventura’s bandanna and they’ll officially start, with Trongard even admitting that it’s going to break down sooner than later

Hogan takes over on the arm and snaps it over the top for quite the bump from Ventura. That’s already enough for the tag to Patera, who is quickly slammed. Gagne comes in to work on the arm and hands it off to Brunzell for more of the same. We get the required Heenan time and he actually takes over on Brunzell before being sent hard into the corner.

Gagne comes back in and takes out the other two before backing Heenan into Hogan, which would happen quite a few times over the years. The villains get Gagne into the wrong corner for some choking from Ventura and, like a schnook, Hogan tries to come in and makes things even worse. Patera comes in for the bearhug and Ventura does the same (imagine Ventura copying from a strong man with blond hair). The Argentine backbreaker has to be broken up so Heenan grabs a front facelock, with the referee not seeing the tag off to Hogan (what a nitwit).

Patera’s….we’ll say piledriver is countered into a backdrop but it’s still too early for the tag. Gagne slides between the legs though and it’s back to Brunzell for the house cleaning. Heenan breaks up the Indian deathlock so it’s off to Hogan for the real comeback. Hogan drops Patera and slingshots Heenan inside as everything breaks down. The legdrop (with Heenan having to flip into place as he realized what was coming) is enough to give Hogan the pin at 14:03.

Rating: C+. The AWA is the definition of an acquired taste and rarely does itself very well with one off, stand alone matches. The big idea was getting into the promos and characters, which only went so far here. Hogan getting to wreck people always worked and you could see what would become his usual stuff in there. Verne Gagne did screw up with him, but there was absolutely no way Hogan was staying there long term.

Post match the brawl stays on until the villains are cleared out again.

From World Championship Wrestling (the show and the company), May 20, 1989.

Terry Funk vs. Eddie Guerrero

Guerrero is 21 here and Funk insists that he get his chaps off before receiving a proper introduction. Guerrero rolls away from Funk to start and hits an enziguri to the floor (and of course Funk is willing to bump like crazy for him). Back in and Funk drives him into the corner for the chop as JR talks about Funk injuring Ric Flair. Guerrero flips over him in the corner but gets caught in a giant swing of all things. Funk misses a charge into the ropes and Guerrero gets in a headscissors but misses a dropkick.

One heck of a toss over the top isn’t a DQ for some reason (JR doesn’t get it either) and Funk follows him, only to clothesline the post by mistake. Guerrero gets in a heck of a high crossbody to the floor but misses a slingshot dive. Funk runs the ropes a few times and hits a dropkick through the ropes, followed by the piledriver on the floor. What is left of Guerrero is thrown inside, knee dropped and pinned at 5:13.

Rating: B-. Terry Funk is the perfect example of someone put onto this planet for the purpose of being a professional wrestler. There is something about watching him in the ring that is so unique and so out there that it is absolute fascinating to see. You could tell he wanted to do something with Guerrero here and gave him A LOT of offense, which makes sense given Guerrero’s family. This is a pretty well known match and it’s not just for the name value, as they had some entertaining chemistry.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, these things are all over the place and while I’ve seen a few of them before, there was enough in here that was either new or new enough to make this fun. The Alley Fight and that shockingly awesome O’Grady vs. Grimes match are the highlights and while there was no run away entry, it was a great look at “huh, so that happened”. That’s what I love about the Vault and it was on full display again here.

 

 

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On This Day: March 12, 2000 – Living Dangerously 2000: Two ECW Shows In A Month Is Dangerous Enough

Living Dangerously 2000
Date: March 12, 2000
Location: O’Neil Center, Danbury, Connecticut
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

The main story here is that the TV Title is vacant. Why is it vacant you ask? That would be because no one holds it at the moment. Tonight is about getting it some tender loving care. We’re trying to find someone that will curl up with it and give it the affection that it deserves.  For the less creepy version, RVD broke his leg/ankle so we’re having a TV Title tournament here. Other than that, this is the scaffold show with New Jack and Grimes, so expect a decent sized rant on that. Let’s get to it.

Sinister Minister (Abyss’ former manager) talks about the seven deadly sins of ECW. There’s a great long joke in there but I’ll spare you from it. Oh I forgot there’s a new massive heel stable: the Network, which is more or less a parody of TNN whining at Heyman over what they want. One funny line here is him getting to Wrath and says been there and done that (he managed a guy named Wrath in WCW. It didn’t go well.)

We hear Joey warming up the crowd and telling them to cheer. I know everyone does it, but come on now. Gertner says a few decent jokes but here’s Cyrus. He says excuse me a lot. Someone sue Vickie for trademark infringement. Are we ever going to get like, a fight between these two? Gertner just stands there and takes it of course like an idiot. Every time they say TNN I expect them to say TNA. Actually Gertner goes after him but Cyrus winds up hitting him when he’s not looking. Joey makes the save which is just odd.

Hit the theme song.

And here’s Steve Corino dressed like a cowboy. While he’s talking the audio messes up and we hear part of a Lou E. Dangerously promo. Paul…come on. Corino runs the fans down and in particular Sandman’s wife who is in the front row. Apparently she’s more of a man chase than Missy Hyatt and for you WCW fans, you get the idea.

 

Allegedly the Raven thing wasn’t an angle according to Corino. Dang his wife isn’t that attractive. She slaps him and he throws her in the ring. That girl wasn’t afraid to mix it up. There’s a table in the corner which I’m sure someone will go through. Sandman comes in to save her. And he gets a piledriver. His wife is gored through the table.

 

Not that we see it or anything but she’s standing in front of it, the camera jumps to the crowd, and we hear it being broken and they Rhyno is on her and the table is broken. The production values here are awful. Sandman gets his wife out of the ring and is likely going with her to the hospital.

 

This of course means he’s out of his tournament match, which is another bait and switch by Heyman but whatever. Corino now calls out Dusty Rhodes of all people. Oh that’s right they’re feuding. Also pay no attention to Dusty being everything ECW was supposed to be against.

Steve Corino vs. Dusty Rhodes

Should be noted the bell hasn’t rung yet and we’re 20 minutes into the PPV. This is a bullrope match too and it’s the pinning version thank goodness. There’s the bell at 20:40 of the PPV. Apparently Corino and Jack Victory beat up this referee at a house show. Dusty hits Corino with the cowbell. Know what I think we need now? NEEDS MORE COWBELL! Sorry I had to do that at least once.

 

And we’re already in the crowd. Steve is bleeding. I know he’s old school, but dang he could give Flair a run for his money in bleeding. Victory helps and it’s all about the cowbell. Is this a Christopher Walken special or something? This has been more in the crowd than in the ring of course. Dusty is bleeding now. Corino bites the cut over Dusty’s eye which I think is bleeding barbecue sauce instead of blood. And now it’s all about the blood.

 

Also, WHO CAME UP WITH THE STUPID COWBELL IDEA? I know it’s Dusty’s signature thing, but man I can’t stand this thing. Dusty is dominating by the way. Yeah the old guy that is in his mid fifties and hasn’t been a regular competitor in about ten years is beating a guy that is being groomed to be the top heel in the company.

 

Sure why not. Both guys have bells now. The referee helps Dusty tape a cowbell to the top of Corino’s head. And there’s a chair to the bell to the head. A Bionic Elbow ends it. Yes, the fat man goes over. I hate this company.

Rating: D. This was just stupid. Seriously, why is Dusty going over here? I know Corino isn’t as great as he’s made out to be, but there is ZERO justification here other than Dusty’s ego or position in the past or whatever. Why in the world would he need this win for a run in the company of all of four months? Just a bad match too with far too much cowbell (screw you Walken).

Sandman won’t be in the tournament tonight. Shocking.

Guido says he’ll win the title tonight.

Dangerous Alliance vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The Alliance is CW Anderson and Bill Willes. Yeah I don’t know the second guy either. The announcer looks like a mean gerbil apparently. Lou E. Dangerously can do a great Heyman impression but that’s about it. He says…nothing yet since the people are all booing him. Apparently the PPV is named after him. Can we get on with this? The fans won’t shut up to let him do his thing.

 

He does it and I don’t care at all. The Dangerous Alliance thing was at least a good idea. Elektra was hot if nothing else and Roadkill was always a funny gimmick for some reason. The Alliance is supposed to be a throwback to the original Dangerous Alliance back in 91-92 which had perhaps more pure talent than any other stable ever, and that’s including the Horsemen at their best. This Billy guy is worthless. He’s supposed to be the Bobby Eaton guy of this team? That’s very funny.

 

Also the non Alliance team has become face since the last show somehow. Anderson works on Doring’s arm so at least he’s got that part of the gimmick down. Anderson is an interesting guy and not bad in the ring. This Billy guy simply isn’t. Doring hits the Stroke but it’s called the G-Spot Sweet here. Oh dear. It all breaks down of course and the heels are in trouble.

 

Willes takes a Lancaster Lariat of Lust. I can’t make these names up. Roadkill goes up for his top rope splash but Elektra turns heel and crotches him, allowing Anderson to hit the spinebuster for the pin as Elektra joins them.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure why but I liked this. They kept this WAY reeled in and it worked quite well. It’s a basic story and it came off well. Maybe it’s just a basic wrestling match happening and my mind being blown by that. Maybe Elektra’s hips did that. I’m not sure, but this was fine.

The Impact Players promise to get their tag belts back. Dang Dawn was hot.

Simon Diamond vs. Kid Kash

Seriously, a gimmick based on Kid Rock? Could we not get Billy Joel or Englebert Humperdink? And here’s Mike Awesome. No one gets why, but here he is. Oh and he and Raven are the tag champions now to go with the world title. He actually says get out of the ring or die. Diamond and company bail, leaving us with this.

Kid Kash vs. Mike Awesome

Sure why not. Kash kicks out of the splash early. It’s all Mike here as you wouldn’t expect. Shouldn’t Kash get in at least an early flurry? Ah there we go. Kash could do high spots if nothing else. For some reason I liked him when I was 12. It was a very strange time.

 

Kash hits a modified Pedigree on Awesome’s manager but gets knocked the heck out by Awesome. Kash hits a rana which of course DOES NOTHING because that move is worthless and gets knocked out again. And there’s your table. Powerbomb through it in 3, 2, 1…yeah there it is. Awesome wins of course.

Rating: D. Well Awesome lives up to his name and Kash gets destroyed. Was there a reason to not have the original match or am I just missing something? Apparently this was a world title match too. Pay no attention to the fact that we’re not told this until the very end and by that I mean when they say he’s still champion but whatever.

Post match Jazz comes out to help Kash but Jado and Gedo, two guys from Japan come out with Diamond to beat up Jazz. Here’s Nova and Chetti for the save and of course it’s an impromptu match!

Jado/Gedo vs. Nova/Chris Chetti

I’ve heard incredibly mixed reviews on Jado and Gedo but I think I’ve seen one match of theirs and it was a 6 man. We hear about how great Gedo is and he’s got a decent resume actually with wins over Jericho, Benoit and Malenko. Joey: Nova and Chetti have been together as a team now for a year minus the six months Chetti was out with a back injury.

 

I think that’s grounds for just saying they’ve been together for awhile. They tag with other people though but it’s all good. The Japanese guys like to mock opponents apparently. Joey can you freaking say who is who? I think Gedo is in the ring but I’m not sure. This show has been such a train wreck I’m not sure. Ah never mind that’s Jado. Gedo has a shirt on. Got it.

 

Nova gets a NICE superkick to the throat of Jado. That looked great and sounded great too. Chetti tries one and does quite well too. His only missed by six inches or so. Cyrus doesn’t know the referee’s name which means nothing at all but I need to fill in some space here. The Tidal Wave hits Gedo to end it. It’s a combination splash and leg drop but both guys jump from the same rope. It looked pretty cool.

Rating: D+. This was just a mess. It wasn’t bad or anything, but it was just a total mess. I know I said that already but it’s the only way to put it. Why are the Japanese guys here? Why did Nova and Chetti pick this time to run down? How was a contract agreed to and sanctioned so fast? Yes I know I’m nitpicking but dang man. That’s two in a row with nothing but random match to explain it. That’s not good.

Dangerously talks about doing well tonight. Elektra is REALLY, REALLY bad at talking. Good grief SHUT UP ALREADY!

TV Title Tournament SemiFinals: Little Guido vs. Super Crazy

Hey look: another cruiserweight match but this time there’s something close to meaning! The winner fights Rhyno for the title in the main event. The Network doesn’t like Crazy apparently. Crazy hits a great moonsault to the floor. Again this match is just all over the place and going so fast you can’t tell if anything is working or not.

 

We’re told that Heenan put vodka in his water cup. That explains a lot. Guido hooks a Fujiwara Armbar on Crazy on the floor to take over. See what I mean? That was decent, but it came and went so fast that it’s hard to tell if it was good or not. And there’s a chair. Wow we went awhile without many weapons tonight. Crazy gets the ten punches in Spanish and then does it again to Big Sal.

 

You have to give the ECW fans this: they were well rehearsed. During this fight for a belt we get a fight over a belt. See how low I have to sink for jokes here? Guido misses an elbow and goes through a table. A brainbuster and a moonsault gives us our finals.

Rating: C. So? That’s all I can say here. So freaking what? This match or a combination of these two and Tajiri has been on every show for like 8 months now. SO? I mean seriously, why in the world should I care? They had a decent match and then they’ll likely have more later. It’s entertaining and to be fair one is getting a midcard title shot, but I flat out do not see a reason to care one bit here.

Buy this video game! You can wrestle as Joey Styles! Yeah the game completely sucked as it was just War Zone but with ECW characters and blood.

W*ING Kanemura vs. Balls Mahoney

Kinemura is from FMW and is something close to a hardcore legend. THIS gets a big match intro? Joey insists that this will be a hardcore match. Thanks Joey as I never would have guessed that. Kanemura hits a nice senton from the top. Oh and his first name is Kintaro here. He’s more known as W*ING though (and yes that’s the real spelling) so I’ll go with that. Not like it matters though as it’s a 2 minute match with a sitout powerslam ending it with Balls getting the win.

Rating: N/A. Just nothing here but a transitional thing to this.

The Baldies run in and beat up Balls but here’s New Jack and THAT FREAKING SONG. This is a very infamous moment so I’m not going to call this an actual match or anything. Expect a long rant later on. New Jack beats them up with stuff including a Playstation and I don’t care at all.

 

We fight over a pizza cutter for a bit and this is just wasting my time. Come on I have the Smackdown Pilot waiting on me but I have to do this first. And let’s go into the crowd because that hasn’t been done at all tonight. And now we get to the famous part of this, as we fight to a scaffolding.

There are two tables set on top of each other and they climb up the scaffolding. It should definitely be noted that it’s just that: a scaffold. In scaffold matches there was usually at least something solid to stand on. This is a beam that is only a few inches wide. They’re both clearly scared to death and I can’t blame them.

 

This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. And there it is. New Jack I guess tries a suplex off the scaffold. It doesn’t work. At all. New Jack completely misses the tables and lands feet first. Grimes on the other hand lands on his head, and I mean both versions of his. Grimes lands head first and his body lands on New Jack’s head. Both guys are of course completely unconscious and we go to a wide shot while medics come in.

 

Remember that Grimes weighs about 400lbs. Sure let’s show replays and keep the freaking song going while the fans cheer. New Jack had brain damage and was at least temporarily blinded by this. It resulted in him attempting to severely injure or even kill Grimes (his words) at another show after ECW closed. This brings the show to a complete halt and lets the fans cheer incessantly.

So again we have violence for the sake of violence and stunts for the sake of stunts. And look what happened: two guys were almost killed because of it. But hey, the people are cheering right? Hey, people are going to buy more New Jack stuff now because he’s hardcore right?

 

This is another example of having no regard or respect for the lives of workers. Having them stand on a two inch bar 20 feet in the air is just flat out irresponsible, negligent and arguably criminal. Why in the world did we need to do this? Ah yes: we needed to top what we did last month.

 

Seriously, why do we have to do this? Instead of a regular wrestling match, we had to see a crutch to the balls and a vacuum shot to the back before we dive twenty feet and nearly kill two men. Not only that, but in a promotion called XPW, they had another match and New Jack tried to kill him for revenge.

 

And these incidents happened on a professional wrestling show. What do these things have to do with professional wrestling? I’ve yet to see any connection between being slammed into the concrete from a scaffold and a wrestling match. This was just flat out not needed and the fact that they didn’t die, which isn’t an exaggeration as allegedly a six inch difference would have killed New Jack, is a perk is just not acceptable.

After Joey and Cyrus stall for time, it’s time for the three way dance.

Tag Titles: Tommy Dreamer/Masato Tanaka vs. Impact Players vs. Mike Awesome/Raven

So the Impact Players were the champions and Tanaka/Dreamer beat them and held the belts for a week. Then Awesome and Raven took the belts and are defending here. They won them 8 days ago so the Impact Players lost the titles just over two weeks ago. Raven and Awesome hit the ring at a sprint and we’re already going. Awesome takes out Justin and Jason in a nice looking dive.

 

Dreamer gets a nice pop and here are the other former champions who were just thrown together but that makes them a great team of course. We get a Rocky Horror reference and Cyrus points out that the Players are the only real team here. Raven and Dreamer fight in the ring which just feels right.

 

Awesome goes through a table as it’s just a massive mess rather than anything close to a coherent match. The Roaring Elbow puts Awesome and Raven out in like 4 minutes. Ok then. So get the nameplates ready for the Impact Players again. Oh come on like they’re going to lose to Dreamer and Tanaka. Dreamer is bleeding. Justin botches a spinning DDT to the complete lack of shock from me.

 

Hey look: TAGGING IN A TAG TEAM MATCH! Dreamer hits some stuff to make the hot tag and Jason comes in to make it 3-2 which is just fine. Tanaka beats them both up just because he can and we’re doing nothing but near falls already. A kendo stick to the head of Dreamer puts him down and at least we get Diamond Dust so I can be somewhat happy.

 

A belt shot and spike piledriver to Dreamer give the Players the belts back. Cyrus runs down to celebrate. The belts would be vacated in about a month when Justin won the world title and wouldn’t be replaced for about four months, so you won’t see a PPV tag title match for a good while.

Rating: D. Again just a total mess here that nothing came from. Also this lasted 9 more minutes. Everything has flown by here and there has been no substance to anything whatsoever. Also, why drop the belts if you’re just going to get them back in two weeks anyway? Ah right: it’s ECW. I just don’t care again here.

ECW TV Title Tournament Finals: Rhyno vs. Super Crazy

Cyrus just stayed in the ring and introduced this so there was almost no transition at all. Now common sense booking would say Sandman interferes here and costs Rhyno the belt. The fans get this too so they cheer for Sandman the majority of the match, completely taking the focus off of the guys in the match.

 

Before the match though Paul comes out and cusses out Cyrus, dropping about 5 F Bombs in just over a minute. And here’s Gertner to yell at Cyrus as well. He doesn’t do anything of course, but here’s Super Crazy. I’ll give them points for elevating a midcard guy, but no one cares as neither guy has beaten RVD so there’s no point to this really. The company is completely dead at this point but they kept going for about another 10 months or so.

 

And Crazy dominates the monster with flips and stuff as the fans chant for Sandman. It’s table time already and Crazy goes through it. Rhyno hits a nice powerbomb for two. The Triple Moonsault hits and down goes the referee. Tajiri comes down and mists Crazy then kicks him. Oh look: ANOTHER table.

 

Rhyno mocks RVD, which of course brings him out to make whoever wins this look even less important. Scotty freaking Riggs comes in to help and RVD puts Rhyno through a table. Great way to make him look important. Crazy hits a moonsault to win the title.

 

He would hold it for a month then Tajiri would hold it for two weeks and then Rhyno would hold it for a full year save for a two week reign by Kid Kash in August. Rhyno beats everyone up afterwards and here’s Sandman who breaks the stick over his head. Metallica plays and the faces celebrate to end the show after two hours and twenty minutes. WOW.

Rating: D. I never would have dreamed it possible but this was somehow worse than the previous stuff. It had at least four different people running in and four tables used. What’s the point of having a champion again? This was just bad and RVD beating up Rhyno on one good leg is just idiotic. The Sandman chants didn’t help either. Horrible finish to a horrible PPV.

Overall Rating: F+. Where do I start? For one thing, the longest match of the night is the Bull Rope match at ten minutes and thirteen seconds. After that it’s the tag title match which is in essence a 2/3 falls match at 9 minutes and three seconds. Other than that I don’t think anything broke 8 minutes in length.

 

SERIOUSLY? You end a PPV at 10:20 which includes a long opening segment and a highlight package at the end and you have DUSTY FREAKING RHODES win the longest match of the night? Like I said throughout this review, it felt like they were in a rush all night. What could they possibly have been rushing to? They could have had another thirty minutes on this show but instead almost everything stays under 9 minutes?

 

Are you telling me you couldn’t add five more minutes to the tag titles? Or to Guido vs. Crazy? Or geez had ANOTHER MATCH? Dang even add five minutes to the Mahoney/Kanemura match and it would have helped. I get that the botch (which I’ll spare you more complaining about) in the New Jack thing made them run short, but you can’t thrown two guys out there for a squash or something?

 

Even with the intros and such it would have filled in some time. Or even have some promos and it gets better. Just give us SOMETHING dude. Was there a reason for the Sandman/Rhyno match not happening? Don’t tell me an injury, because it’s not like Sandman matches require a ton of actual wrestling or anything. Just a horrible PPV and the worse ECW show in a LONG time.