Monday Night Raw
Date: June 17, 2013
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids Arena
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re past Payback now and moving towards July’s Money in the Bank. Cena has retained his title but we had a very interesting development: the ultra rare double turn for Del Rio and Ziggler as Alberto won the World Heavyweight Championship by doing some very bad things to Ziggler’s injured head. It should be interesting to see where things go over the summer. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual package of still photos from Payback last night, complete with the voiceover dude.

Here’s Del Rio to open things up. He asks us how his weekend was before telling us that his was excellent. Del Rio isn’t pleased that the fans were cheering for Ziggler after he won the title back last night in controversial fashion. The fans chant for Ziggler again and Del Rio yells at them for chanting USA the night before.

He says this is what America is all about: pigs and cowards. Del Rio says he’s spent the last five months fighting for us and he’s gotten nothing (other than the world title) but last night he fought for himself and won the world title. He’s willing to give the people a second chance though so we have another chance to show him the respect that he deserves.

Cue Punk to an ERUPTION. He says it’s been awhile since he beat Del Rio for the world title at Survivor Series 2011. Punk doesn’t like hearing Del Rio call himself the best so Alberto holds up the belt. Punk challenges him to a title match but Heyman says that Punk doesn’t fight for free. That’s not cool with Punk though because he wants to fight no matter what.

Yeah Punk is banged up but when Del Rio was stealing the title, Punk was stealing the show. Punk still wants a match tonight but Del Rio says Punk doesn’t want any of him. With that not being an option, Punk offers to fight Ricardo but here are Vickie and Maddox for an interruption. She says it’s Del Rio vs. Punk tonight but makes no mention of the title being on the line.

Punk says that he respects Paul Heyman but he isn’t a client. From now on, Punk doesn’t want Heyman out there for his matches. Punk respects him but he doesn’t want him there.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Wade Barrett

Before Axel’s entrance, Vickie interferes and makes it Barrett vs…….CHRISTIAN!

Wade Barrett vs. Christian

Christian takes it to the floor to start and hits a BIG dive to take out Barrett. Back in and Barrett hooks a chinlock, only to have Christian fight up and hit a tornado DDT for two. Wade kicks him in the ribs for two but Christian avoids a charge in the corner. The Killswitch ends Barrett in 3:10.

Rating: C-. That’s a nice return for Christian but the guy isn’t going to be a huge star like people think he’s going to be. Barrett’s slide continues and I’m thinking his time of mattering in WWE whatsoever is almost done. There’s just nothing here for him as he hasn’t done anything of note in forever.

You can pick No DQ, 2/3 falls or no countout for Bryan vs. Orton later on.

The Wyatt Family is coming.

Sheamus vs. Rhodes Scholars

For those of you not happy with Sheamus beating one of them at once, now he gets to beat both of them AT THE SAME TIME! The Scholars don’t have to tag so they manage to stomp Sheamus down and hit a double snap suplex for two. A kick to the face sets up the Wind-Up Elbow for two on Sheamus. Cody slaps Sheamus in the face and the one on two beatdown begins. Rhodes is sent to the floor and Sheamus hits the Regal Roll on Sandow. The ten forearms crush Cody and White Noise crushes the crushed remains of Cody Rhodes even further. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick but gets rolled up by Sandow for the pin at 3:38.

Rating: D-. I love Sheamus but DEAR GOD LET THIS FREAKING FEUD END ALREADY. Scratch that. This isn’t a feud. This is Sheamus swatting away flies for an extended period of time. It’s not fun, it’s not interesting, and the matches aren’t any good. Is there NOTHING else that Sheamus could be doing at all? NOTHING?

Mark Henry might retire later tonight.

RVD is back at MITB.

HHH is in the back with Vickie and Brad. Vickie sucks up to him but HHH wants to know what the main event was going to be if Punk didn’t question him. He also wants to know why Christian has been medically cleared for a month and a half and not been back until tonight. Also, why didn’t he hear about either Brad or Vickie when he was negotiating for RVD’s return? As for Shield, if they get involved then play tough with them. HHH thinks it’s a stroke of genius to put 3MB on the show tonight as well. HHH’s questions were HILARIOUS.

Yeah I just said that. Why do you ask?

Bryan doesn’t want to hear it from Kane that he told Bryan so. Kane thinks HELL NO should reunite but Bryan only wants to think about Team DB, Team Daniel Bryan. Kane: “Well that’s good because you’re acting like a D.B.” They both say they want to win the WWE Championship and they don’t know if the team is done or not. Kane wishes him good luck tonight, which Bryan interprets as Kane saying he’s the weak link.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Before the match we hear Orton saying that Bryan is the weak link in the team and is the reason they lost the title match last night. The match is going to be No DQ with 54% of the vote. Bryan goes after the arm to start but Orton reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Daniel fights up and kicks away at the legs before hitting the double knee stomp out of the surfboard. Orton comes back to stomp Bryan down into the corner and puts Daniel down off the slingshot suplex.

Bryan counters the Thesz Press into a half crab but Orton grabs the ropes. More kicks in the corner put Orton down again but he comes back with a clothesline and a chinlock. Back up and Orton pounds away in the corner but Bryan comes back with the moonsault out of the corner and a running clothesline. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner get two for Daniel but Orton avoids the FLYING GOAT. Orton pulls out a kendo stick to pound on Bryan for two back in the ring and we take a break.

Back with Bryan blocking a superplex and hitting the missile dropkick for no cover. Orton comes back with the powerslam and Bryan goes to the apron for the Elevated DDT, only to have Bryan fight out and go for the NO Lock. Orton counters into a slingshot to send Bryan to the apron and a kick to the ribs puts him on the floor. It appeared to be a low blow so here’s a trainer to check on Bryan. Back in and Bryan pounds away before they head to the floor again. Orton belly to back suplexes Daniel onto the barricade so the referee checks again…..and the match at 15:00.

Rating: C+. Uh…..WHAT? That’s either the start of an angle or a legit injury when Bryan went into the barricade earlier. Bryan seemed fine but if a doctor saw something in him that we didn’t then the match should have been stopped. Either way, it was getting good until the sudden ending but never hit a high level.

Post match Orton helps Bryan up and nothing else happens, making me think it was a legit stoppage.

Here’s AJ to brag about winning the Divas Title by crushing Kaitlyn’s spirit. AJ says that she’s the hero of the story because she’s a woman that knows how to get what she wants. There isn’t a woman in the audience or locker room who is as strong, brilliant or courageous as she is. AJ issues an open challenge to the locker room and gets…….STEPHANIE MCMAHON???

Stephanie compliments AJ on her victory but thinks what AJ was saying was degrading to women. It’s time for AJ to start acting like a champion, about 23 hours since she won the title. AJ: “Instead of acting like a superstar, maybe I should marry one.” Stephanie says no one does crazy like the McMahons but AJ says she’s the younger version of Stephanie, just without a fancy pantsuit. Cue an army of Divas but Stephanie cuts off Kaitlyn, threatening her with punishment for ever interrupting her again. The fans tell Kaitlyn that she tapped off while Kaitlyn yells at AJ. The beatdown is on but Langston saves a screaming AJ.

US Title: Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

This is a rematch from last night with Dean defending. Kane hits some quick uppercuts and a powerslam for two. Apparently Bryan might have some nerve damage but is still being checked. Kane fires off some clotheslines in the corner and gets two off the side slam. Not that it matters as here’s Reigns for the DQ at 1:35.

Shield beats Kane down post match with the TripleBomb.

Mark Henry is here.

Vickie yells at Shield in the back but Vince comes in and compliments their ruthless aggression, meaning Vince vs. HHH MUST CONTINUE!!!

We’re now getting regular commercials for the WWE App. My girlfriend downloaded it the other day for fun and it’s nothing. It’s a string of videos and access to a social media thing where you can hashtag your city. There’s also a breaking news section with nothing in it that we could see.

Here’s Zeb Colter to say that he’s bringing Antonio Cesaro to his team. In other words, he’s now a jobber to the stars with a manager. Cole immediately buries the idea on commentary.

Antonio Cesaro vs. William Regal

Cesaro pounds him down and hits the gutwrench suplex as the announcers ignore the match to bicker. A delayed backdrop gets two on Regal and Cesaro hooks a swinging chinlock of all things. The Neutralizer ends Regal at 2:43.

Cesaro drapes a Don’t Treat On Me flag over Regal as Cole is literally laughing at this.

Here’s Cena for a chat. He loves being booed by the fans because they can cheer anyone they want. Some people love Punk and boo him all night and that’s perfectly fine with him. He goes to war every time he defends the title and after putting Ryback in an ambulance last night, he gets to say the champ is here. For everyone who never left his side, thank you. He can take any challenge that anyone puts in front of him and can’t wait for Money in the Bank.

Cena doesn’t care who challenges him that night because he’ll be ready. He knows he won’t have the title forever but the next person to hold it will earn it because the champ is here. The fans seemed receptive to Cena tonight….and here’s Mark Henry. He leaves a pair of boots on the stage and tells Cena he can put his guard down. Henry has watched Cena rise through the WWE and thinks Cena is doing a great job. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate as Henry says if you don’t remember the moment, at least you’ll remember his salmon colored coat.

Henry is proud of all of his success in the business as a former ECW Champion and World Heavyweight Champion. However, due to all of his injuries, he’s going to have to retire. The fans chant one more match and Cena hands Henry the title. Henry holds up the belt but hands it back to Cena because he never earned it. Henry talks about his family and says they’re going to get sick of them because he’s coming home. Cena shakes his hand….AND GETS A WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM? Henry shouts that he has a lot left in the tank and says that the title will be his.

Post break Henry says all the people are puppets and everyone bought it.

Heath Slater vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho pounds him down with ease but Jinder Mahal breaks up the Lionsault to give Slater two. If my memory is right, Slater beat Jericho back in the first season of NXT. Not that it matters as the Codebreaker ends Slater at 2:20. Nothing to see here.

Post match Jericho beats up the rest of the Band because he can.

Paul Heyman doesn’t want to answer any questions about CM Punk. He says that he knows when to give his friends space and thinks we should be talking about the Intercontinental Champion. New catchphrase for Axel: he was born to be better than perfect. I think I like that one.

Sin Cara vs. Curtis Axel

Miz is on commentary. This is Axel’s third match against Sin Cara in less than six months. A quick backbreaker puts Cara down and a shoulder block puts him down again. There’s a quick belly to back suplex for two but Cara comes back with a DDT. Cara’s Swanton hits knees and a spinning DDT ends Cara at 2:40. Total squash.

Vince approves Henry vs. Cena for MITB when Stephanie and HHH come in. Trips gets on Vickie for not listening to him and glares at Vince.

Heyman sucks up to Punk and says he’ll be cheering for Punk tonight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Non-title and Del Rio runs to the floor twice in the first minute. Punk finally goes to the floor but gets stomped down on the way back in. Del Rio kicks him in the head and pounds him to the floor, only to have Punk whip him into the barricade to take over again. Punk takes too long to shout at Ricardo on the way back in though, allowing Del Rio to snap Punk’s arm over the top rope as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio kicking Punk in the head as we hear that Bryan will be ready to go on Friday. Alberto goes up for an ax handle but gets punched in the ribs on the way down. Del Rio gets in another kick to the arm to send Punk into the ropes for the Backstabber for two. The low superkick is countered into a rollup for two and now the low superkick connects for two for the champion. The cross armbreaker is countered into the GTS but Del Rio rolls to the outside. Alberto walks out for the countout at 11:30.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much but it worked well enough all things considered. This was really just a backdrop for the post match stuff which we’ll go to now because it’s more interesting than this match.

Post match Ziggler runs out and DESTROYS Del Rio to a mammoth face reaction.

Punk is still standing in the ring and LESNAR! He picks up a mic but says nothing. Instead he picks up Punk and lays him out with a massive F5 to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I was digging tonight’s show as it had a certain edge to it. Stuff was set up for Money in the Bank, we got some decent action, we had a return, and we had some humorous lines from HHH to Vickie. The main story continues to be Vince vs. HHH which is still a stupid power control angle that has been done so many times and I have no idea why they think this is the best way to go. I was digging the show tonight for the first time in a long time though which is a great sign coming off a solid PPV.

Results

Christian b. Wade Barrett – Killswitch

Rhodes Scholars b. Sheamus – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan via referee stoppage

Kane b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Antonio Cesaro b. William Regal – Neutralizer

Chris Jericho b. 3MB – Codebreaker

Curtis Axel b. Sin Cara – Spinning DDT

CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Smackdown
Date: February 4, 2011
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the first show since we officially started the Road to Wrestlemania with Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge being the tentative match for the title at the biggest PPV of the year. Edge/Kelly vs. Ziggler/Laycool for the title tonight which certainly sounds intriguing. Also expect the beginning of the set up to Elimination Chamber. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Where I live it’s SNOW.

There’s a fiesta tonight apparently and there’s a Wrestlemania piñata. Yes let’s take something we love and are looking forward to and beat it with a stick.

Here’s Booker T and he’s apparently the new member of Smackdown’s announce team. Cool, and based on what he looked like at the Rumble hopefully he’s an occasional wrestler. We get a Spinarooni to really get the crowd going. Booker got a good reaction. It’s like he hadn’t been around since 2007.

Vickie interrupts Booker’s entrance and says that we’ll get qualifying matches tonight for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber which will be for the title. Ziggler is with Vickie. She orders Kelly to come out here right now which prompts a bunch of screeching. Ah there she is. Booker’s voice is much better than it was when he did some commentary with TNA. It’s clear and deep instead of hard to understand.

Vickie yells at Kelly, saying that without her interference Dolph would be the world champion. She’d rather humiliate Kelly instead of firing her. Kelly is going to cost Edge the world title tonight. Kelly says Vickie is trying to destroy her character. Kelly has a character? Oh she means her personality. Kelly has a personality? Ah ok she’s saying Vickie is a bad person. Makes more sense.

Dolph blames Kelly for the world title loss because she allowed Edge to hit the illegal spear. We see a clip of it, which makes me wonder why Vickie doesn’t just reverse it since she’s GM and there’s proof Edge broke the rules. Dolph: “Now Vickie can’t reverse the referee’s decision.” Wait why not? She can do ANYTHING but she can’t reverse it? She can’t make the referee reverse it? She can’t show the referee the tape and have him do it for her? I love the ever changing rules in wrestling.

Anyway Ziggler yells at Kelly, blaming her for him not being champion. The only reason she’s here is because she may be the reason Dolph wins the world title tonight. Until then she can get out. Kelly slaps Dolph and shoves Kelly. Cue Laycool until Edge comes out for the save.

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

Non-title here. We get a clip from Raw of Orton attacking the New Nexus and putting out Harris. I missed him RKOing Harris so I thought Harris was down from the Cobra for like three minutes. That punt looked good too. I might be missing something but it sounds like Corre’s music is different here. Kozlov vs. Gabriel to start. Booker is having some issues getting in on the commentary here but I can definitely give him a break on the first night.

Off to Slater vs. Santino. Booker says Cole talks a lot of nonsense so he’s definitely a nice guy commentator. He talks about how there has to be a leader on all teams, but Josh has to lead him into it. Slater gets a nice reverse DDT to Kozlov and the 450 ends this perfectly clean at 3:03.

Rating: D+. This was just long enough to rate but there wasn’t much here. The DDT was nice but that’s about all it had going for it. I really don’t get the idea of having your tag champions constantly lose clean. Corre could use some titles I guess so I could live with the titles changing down the line. Very short even at a surprising level.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre

We’re told that Edge and Ziggler are automatically in the Chamber because Edge is champion and Dolph just because. Booker has no comment on that. We’re of course talking about the Chamber and since Booker has experience in one, Cole cuts him off every few seconds. Basic back and forth stuff to start us off. Booker talked to Drew and he says he’s the Chosen One but Booker isn’t sure.

I know I’m talking about the announcers a lot but it’s one of the main aspects of the show tonight. Kofi gets a jumping back elbow for two. Not a lot is going on in the ring anyway so the commentary and how Booker is doing is a bit more interesting anyway. Armbar by Kofi as they’re seeming to have issues getting off the ground here. Could be a slow build though which is fine.

Pendulum kick in the corner breaks the little bit of momentum Drew had and a clothesline puts him on the floor. We hit the floor with Kofi in control until Drew manages to get a modified flapjack to send Kofi into the steps as we take a break. Back with Drew getting a back elbow for two. Wisely Drew goes after the ribs with something close to an abdominal stretch on the mat.

Kofi gets dropped on the ribs in a gutbuster which gets two for McIntyre. Drew gets a nice dropkick to put Kofi down for two. Cole rants about Lawler for awhile until Drew tries a clothesline. Kofi jumps up into the air and spins around, catching Drew with a DDT. That was awesome looking. Kofi hammers away in the corner and stomps a mudhole in him.

Superman punch/clothesline gets two. Boom Drop hits and Kofi wants Trouble in Paradise. Drew manages to avoid the kick though…and here’s Ricardo on the big screen to introduce Alberto? He doesn’t say anything but just stares down Kofi (remember Kofi beat him in a tag match last week). The distraction is enough for the Futureshock to end it at 9:42 shown of 13:12.

Rating: B. This picked up in the second half but wasn’t as good as some of their other matches. Still though, this was pretty solid. Also if it sets up Alberto vs. Kofi to fill in time until Mania I certainly can’t complain. Either way, decent enough match and Drew going to the Chamber gives him something to do while the Kelly story develops.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

This should be pretty good. The push-ups are back! Apparently Cody Rhodes is going to have facial reconstruction surgery next week. Swagger’s boots are a brighter color and they’re taking some getting used to. Rey sends him to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Swagger sending Rey into the corner which gets him nowhere.

Rey gets a cross body for two. 619 is avoided though so Rey tries what might have been an Asai Moonsault. Jack blocks it though and Rey’s legs are tied up in the ropes. Back to the ring with Swagger working on the knee. The leg goes around the post which gets two. Back to the floor with Swagger in complete and utter control. After knocking over a Red Bull we’re back in the ring.

Vader Bomb gets two. Swagger picks him up and throws him across the ring. I love basic moves like that. Another Vader Bomb misses though and here comes Rey. Tornado DDT takes Swagger down for two. Rey tries the 619 but Swagger grabs the legs for the ankle lock. Rey is in the ropes though. Not that it matters though as Swagger pulls him back to the middle. Rey sends him into the corner and gets a kick into a rollup to end this at 8:37 shown of 11:07.

Rating: C+. I couldn’t get into this one for some reason. It’s definitely good and Swagger working on the knee is a good story for the match. My issue with it though is that Rey didn’t have to do much at all to take over and win here. That’s not good in my eyes as it makes Swagger look weak. I get that Rey is the superhero but can they make it look like they’re trying?

We get a clip from Raw of Alberto picking his opponent.

Edge and Kelly are in the back and Edge says he didn’t think his title reign would end like this. Kelly says Edge has no faith in her and that Edge is just like Drew McIntyre before storming off.

Here are Horny and Rosa who looks a bit different now. They throw some t-shirts to the fans until Ricardo introduces Alberto. He says his usual stuff while Horny and Rosa are still in the ring. Alberto has a present for Horny: the piñata. The candies and toys are symbols of everything he wants to give to all his fans here in New Jersey, drawing nice heat (show is in New York).

Horny is blindfolded and swings the stick while the piñata is still in the air. Naturally he misses and hits Alberto in the balls. Alberto enters a higher level of heelness as he kicks Horny in the head and hammers away. Kofi runs down for the save. Ricardo distracts Kofi though and Del Rio beats him up with the stick and throws on the cross armbreaker.

Stone Cold is hosting Tough Enough. Booker throws in that he’ll be a coach on Tough Enough. That’s kind of cool actually and something he’d be great at.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane

Uh…yeah. I wonder if this lasts longer than their Wrestlemania match. Well there’s that record. Chavo goes up and is caught in the chokeslam. He counters though by clothesline Kane over the top. Frog Splash hits but Kane catches him in the chokeslam from the mat and it’s over at 1:02.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

Yeah Corre definitely has new music here and it’s much better. It’s a toned down song this time that still has lyrics. All of Corre comes out and surround the ring. This is for the final spot in the Chamber. Barrett has to keep moving and gets a shot to the knee to take over. Barrett gets sent into the corner where he crushes the referee. Jackson comes in to run over Show but only gets two. And never mind as a DDT by Barrett ends it seconds later at 2:00. This was incredibly quick.

Show tries to fight off Corre post match but gets slammed. Jackson grabs a mic and says the end has come, it has awakened against you.

That sets the Chamber at Edge vs. Ziggler vs. Barrett vs. McIntyre vs. Mysterio vs. Kane.

Smackdown World Title: Kelly Kelly/Edge vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

We even get big match intros for this. Chimmel has cut down on the throat cracking during Edge’s intro. The genders have to match here. Vickie says if there’s a spear the title is vacated. The guys start us off with Edge in control. He wants the spear and Vickie shouts at him to do it. Ziggler tags both members of Laycool so we get Michelle. Off to Kelly to make it Kelly Kelly vs. Michelle McCool for the World Heavyweight Championship as we take a break.

Kelly is all fired up here and beats up both members of Laycool with her gymnastics. Instead though Michelle catches a rana on the floor and spins Kelly into the barricade. That gets two back in the ring. Dolph: “Stay down Barbie!” Layla in now as Kelly is in trouble. Belly to belly by Michelle gets two. Kelly backflips out of a suplex and slaps the heck out of McCool to put both girls down.

Is there a reason why the initials on Dolph’s tights are backwards? Layla gets a head scissors choke on Kelly for a bit. Kelly fights back and it’s an X-Factor to break the momentum. The referee misses the tag to Edge allows Layla to beat on Kelly a bit more. Edge goes after Ziggler anyway but Michelle misses a big kick to Layla. Edge is ready for the tag but instead Kelly spears Layla to retain the world title at 6:50 shown of 10:20.

Rating: C. Decent main event here with a nice ending. Vickie said Edge couldn’t use a spear, not Kelly. It’s kind of cheap but it worked just fine for the ending to a TV main event. I’d have liked more Edge though as he was in there maybe a minute. I guess that was the point though as it made the title seem to be in jeopardy. This was just ok though as it was really Kelly vs. Laycool for the most part. Still though, creative way to have Edge be in trouble.

Post match Kelly gets fired. So Vickie can fire people but can’t coerce a referee to change a decision? She yells at Kelly about how she never cared about Vickie and how this is her show and all that jazz. After Kelly is gone, Vickie makes Edge vs. Dolph for next week with her as guest referee. Perhaps a title change for a quick title reign before the PPV? Zig Zag to Edge out of nowhere ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a bad show but a bit different than what they’ve done recently. Either way this was a pretty good show. They set up the Chamber perfectly and also gave us more of Ziggler vs. Edge. They’re doing a decent job of channeling Vince vs. Austin with Austin being put through a nightmare. The one key thing though: they’re not trying to recreate it but rather use a similar story. That’s very important. It’s not Austin vs. Vince. It’s Edge vs. Vickie. Let it be that and it’ll be a good story. Anyway, not bad at all this week.

Results

Drew McIntyre b. Kofi Kingston – Futureshock

Rey Mysterio b. Jack Swagger – Rollup

Kane b. Chavo Guerrero – Chokeslam

Wade Barrett b. Big Show – DDT

Edge/Kelly Kelly b. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler – Kelly speared Layla

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Kind of at least.Ziggler won a Beat the Clock challenge tonight but since he made out with AJ in front of Vickie, he has to pick either #1 or #2.  Odds are he’ll be in there either about two minutes or close to forty five.

He debuted on Raw tonight after tearing NXT apart for months now.  If you’ve never seen this guy and you’re a fan of unstoppable monsters, you’re in for a treat.

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for TLC and the main event has been changed to the six man tag instead of the regular TLC match due to Punk’s knee injury. Other than that we’ve got more Cena vs. Ziggler stuff tonight as the focus is going to be on getting ready for Sunday. Hopefully unlike last night’s TNA PPV, we can actually have something happen at TLC. Let’s get to it.

After the usual voiceover, here’s Ziggler on a ladder in the middle of the ring. He says tonight he’s here to talk about the numbers six and fifteen. It’s six days until TLC and fifteen days before Christmas. Cena has already cashed in one case and lost, but he still gets shot after shot after shot. Ziggler is going to cash in and become the best world champion ever.

Cue Sheamus who spends about two minutes talking and says he’ll win and Ziggler will lose on Sunday. Show comes out and says both of them are delusional and that he’ll beat either of them. Sheamus says he can’t attack Show before Sunday, but he can have contact with someone else. He shoves Ziggler off the ladder and out to the floor. Nice guy that Sheamus.

Vince is here.

R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett

Kofi and Cesaro are on commentary. Before the bell though, here’s a nearly dancing Vince. Vince hypes up the main event tonight and brings out Vickie to praise her for the main event she made. However, we need a second main event. Vince prods her into making Sheamus vs. Ziggler. That’s STILL not enough though because he wants a third main event. Vickie comes up with AJ in a handicap match but Vince changes it to AJ vs. Vickie. Yep, we have a blowoff match….I hope.

Barrett takes him to the floor to start as there are probably fifteen ladders spread around the arena. Kofi lists off his resume as Barrett stops Truth’s comeback. The pumphandle slam is countered into a rollup for the pin for Truth at 1:50. Yep, I totally buy Barrett as a threat to Kofi now.

Kofi hits a springboard cross body to Barrett post match.

AJ is REALLY excited about the match tonight and tells everyone about it. She goes to find Cena and goes into the locker room. Comedy ensues because she isn’t supposed to see some stuff.

Prime Time Players vs. Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos vs. Epico/Primo

Eliminations rules here and the winners get to face Mysterio and Cara in a tables match on Sunday. The winners of THAT get a title shot. I’ve heard stupider stipulations. Jey and Epico start but it’s quickly off to Jimmy who gets two off a double elbow. Primo comes in for an enziguri (that part clearly missed)/downward spiral combo which thankfully only gets two. Primo dropkicks Jey’s knee out and steps on him a bit but it’s quickly off to Jimmy for a superkick. Jey takes out Epico and the Superfly splash from Jimmy eliminates the cousins.

Titus takes Jey’s head off with a clothesline and we take a break. Apparently the Players got eliminated via a superkick and Superfly Slash to Darren while we were away. So it’s Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos for a shot at Mysterio/Cara. Gee I wonder where this is going. Sandow comes in and is immediately knocked down by Jimmy for two. Back to Jey for a modified Demolition Decapitator, but Sandow gets a boot up in the corner to break up the momentum.

Cody comes in sporting a mustache and we get a CODY’S MUSTACHE chant. Rhodes doesn’t do much and it’s quickly off to Sandow for the Wind-Up Elbow. Cody’s bulldog is countered and the tag brings Jimmy back in. I don’t think Cole knows which Uso is which. There’s the Samoan Drop to Cody followed by the running Umaga attack in the corner. The Usos load up the Superfly again but Cody gets his knees up. Cross Rhodes give the Scholars the match at TLC at 10:56.

Rating: C+. As is the trend on Raw tonight, they’re keeping things fast paced tonight. Nothing tonight has felt long and that’s making things a lot better. Cody’s mustache and the Usos were definite highlights, and I like this idea of getting rid of a team during the break. Seriously, we didn’t need to see the Players get put out and why extend a match even longer than they need to?

Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres

Non-title I believe. Apparently the Muppets are the social media ambassadors tonight. Jerry: “How does Miss Piggy type with those hooves?” Cole: “……that’s a really good question.” It’s your standard gymnastics stuff with Eve being sent to the floor. Claims a knee injury but Alicia doesn’t seem to care. A northern lights’ suplex and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker both get two for Fox, but Eve pulls her off the top and hits the spinning neckbreaker for the pin at 2:30.

Eve calls the ringside photographer into the ring to take pictures of her post match.

Punk and Heyman are here with the champ on crutches.

Here’s Punk on crutches. He says there’s nothing to the theories that he’s faking the injury because he doesn’t want to face Ryback on Sunday. We get a clip of the end of Raw on Monday where the injury apparently was exacerbated. The fans chant FEED ME MORE and Heyman says that’s ticking him off. He talks about how Punk is a legitimate champion who doesn’t have a stunt double like the Rock. Punk isn’t thinking about Ryback anymore, because Ryback isn’t in front of him anymore.

As for those people that think he should be stripped of the title, which must be Ryback fans for the most part, come and try to do it. No one has been able to take the title from him and he lists off all the names that he’s beaten in his reign that he’s beaten. At the Rumble, Rock will be another name on that list. Punk will be at the PPV on Sunday to watch the Shield, who he is NOT affiliated with, beat up HELL NO and Ryback.

We recap the announcement of Vickie vs. AJ, which is literally just the match being announced. Why bother showing this?

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sheamus takes over to start and goes after Ziggler’s leg, which apparently was injured in the ladder fall earlier. The fans get behind Ziggler I think and he rakes the eyes to slow Sheamus down. There’s a dropkick by Dolph but he gets backdropped to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock and sending Sheamus out to the floor. Back in and a neckbreaker gets two for Dolph but Sheamus sends him into the buckle. Sheamus starts his comeback but misses a charge, sending him shoulder first into the post.

Ziggler goes up but jumps into the fallaway slam followed by the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus goes up but gets crotched, allowing Dolph to hit a top rope X Factor for two. The Cloverleaf is escaped but there’s the Irish Curse for two. These near falls are getting really close. Ziggler rolls away from a Brogue Kick and gets a chair, whacking Sheamus for the DQ at 15:12.

Rating: C+. The ending was annoying but it was really the best idea at the end of the day. You don’t want to have one of your main event guys losing on Raw six days before the PPV. Ziggler looked aggressive here which is the right idea for him, but shouldn’t he be using a ladder instead of a chair here?

Shemus kicks the chair into Ziggler’s face post match.

Khali and Horny come in to help Vickie stretch when Vince walks in on a compromising position. Vince: “I thought this was supposed to be a family show.”

We get a video of the Shield’s attack on Kane on Smackdown. This is followed by I think the same holding the camera promo from the Shield from Friday.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder gets a forearm in to start and hooks a very fast chinlock. The fans are way behind Ryder because of the location of the show and the fact that he’s facing one of the least interesting wrestlers in years. He sends Del Rio into the corner but gets kicked in the ribs for his efforts. The kick to the arm keeps Ryder down and we hit a chinlock.

Ryder comes back with a sunset flip but walks into a German suplex for two. After another chinlock, Ryder comes back with a backdrop over the buckle in the corner to send Del Rio outside. There are the double knees in the corner but the Broski Boot misses. Cross Armbreaker ends this at 6:30.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it’s good to see them bring out someone other than the usual guys we see all the time as jobbers. Anyway, Ryder continues to be nothing in WWE anymore but at least he was there for a bit right? Del Rio on the other hand continues to be the least interesting wrestler in YEARS.

AJ vs. Vickie Guerrero

Big reaction for AJ of course. Vickie yells a lot….and we have no referee. The referee is apparently going to be Brad Maddox. Vickie yells a lot more and jumps AJ as AJ is glaring at Maddox. Vickie beats on AJ some more until AJ goes into psycho mode. She kind of spears Vickie down and Vickie runs up the aisle. Back in and Vickie gets beaten on some more and slapped down, but Maddox won’t cover. Vickie rolls up AJ for the pin at 2:12. Yep, again, Vickie gets the last laugh. As always.

AJ goes nuts and turns over some ladders at ringside before slapping the ring announcer.

Post break AJ is still going nuts when Cena comes up to try to calm her down. He hugs AJ and the look on his face is a bit awkward.

Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro

Antonio does his schtick before the match starts. Cesaro takes over to start and muscles Kofi down into a headlock. Kofi fights up but gets his arm draped over the top rope as Cesaro keeps control. Kingston tries a springboard chop but gets punched in the ribs on the way down. All Antonio so far and the crowd isn’t that interested in what’s going on.

An elbow drop gets two on Kofi but he finally starts his comeback. Antonio rolls away from the Boom Drop so Kofi monkey flips him down instead. Cesaro gets a boot up in the corner and we take a break. Back with Kofi escaping a body vice and getting two off a sunset flip. The gutwrench suplex gets two for Cesaro as does a spinebuster. Back to the body vice for a bit but Kofi comes back for a bit.

The SOS is broken up though and a European Uppercut to the back of the head puts Kofi down for two. The SOS connects but Cesaro grabs the bottom rope. In an AWESOME move, Kofi goes up for the cross body but Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The Neutralizer gets the pin at 13:46.

Rating: B-. Another good match between these two and while it’s likely the right move to have Kofi lose here to keep him even with Barrett tonight, it would have been better to have Wade come out to cause the loss given the attack earlier. Cesaro is being pushed STRONG lately as even Sheamus didn’t get a clean win over him. Hopefully they don’t screw him up as is usually the case with hot new guys.

The Rhodes Scholars are the guests on MizTV. Rhodes is reintroduced to the crowd after being gone for a few weeks. He makes fun of Miz for not meaning anything in years before Miz makes fun of Cody’s mustache. Gay jokes are made and Sandow suggests that Miz has lost touch with reality. Miz says that the Scholars are going to hit the mat harder than Pacquiao did in the sixth round. I believe it was the fifth but whatever. Sandow: “You’re not a very good host are you?”

Miz asks Cody how it felt when Sandow didn’t come visit him in the hospital. How does it feel when Sandow says Cody is the Jannetty to his Shawn Michaels? Cody is getting ticked off now. Miz goes on a mini-rant against Cody but Rhodes cuts him off. He says he’s heard all of this before and says that he’s not going to listen to this nonsense anymore and the interview is over. Miz renames the Scholars the Pink and the Stink. What in the world was the point of this segment?

AJ wants to join Cena at ringside tonight. He doesn’t think so because he’d be worried about her getting hurt. AJ finally says ok she’ll stay in the back.

John Cena vs. Big Show

Ziggler is on commentary of course. Show headbutts Cena down to start and then does it again. A splash in the corner puts Cena down in the corner but Show yells at the crowd instead of following up. Cena tries the tried and true method of jumping on Show’s back to choke him out. That only gets a one count so Cena tries the AA. Since it’s the first time, Cena collapses under the weight.

We take a break and come back with Cena countering a chokeslam into a DDT. Show comes back with a side slam for two as Ziggler says Cena is actually impressing him here. Cena fires away with some punches but Show spears him down for two. A BIG elbow drop gets the same for Show and we hit the bearhug. Cena fights out but the STF is easily shrugged off.

They head to the floor for a bit with Show sending Cena into the barricade. Show palms Cena’s head to pull him back up to the apron. That’s SCARY strength. The Vader Bomb actually hits for two and Show does his usual blank stare. An attempt at a second one misses so Cena hits the ProtoBomb and Shuffle but Show no sells them both. The chokeslam gets two so Cena hits the AA. And here’s the Shield for the DQ at 13:52.

Rating: C. It’s Cena vs. Show so you know what you’re going to get here. Also given the absence of the six guys in the TLC match on Sunday, you knew there were going to be shenanigans going on here. Not a terrible match or anything and the AA is always a cool thing to see on Big Show. This was what you would have expected.

The Shield destroys Cena until HELL NO runs in for the save. Show and Ziggler get involved so here’s Sheamus to take out Ziggler. Cena spears Show through a table the Shield set up but the numbers are still in the Shield’s favor. Cue Ryback who throws a ladder into the ring to take out all three Shield members. A HUGE brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show worked better because they kept the show moving at a much faster pace. Nothing here dragged on too long and the show was MUCH easier to get through as a result. They hyped up the major matches for Sunday other than the six man which didn’t get much time at all until the end of the show. Still though, fun show here and if they can keep up this pace (which I highly doubt), the show would be WAY easier to get through.

Results

R-Truth b. Wade Barrett – Rollup

Rhodes Scholars b. Prime Time Players, Primo/Epico and Usos – Cross Rhodes to Jimmy Uso

Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Spinning Neckbreaker

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Ziggler used a chair

Alberto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker

Vickie Guerrero b. AJ – Rollup

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston – Neutralizer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 3, 2012
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final month of the year and we’ve got two more episodes before TLC. The main story tonight is that Vince is here apparently, which is probably a good idea. Other than that, we’ve got more with Ryback vs. The Shield, who I’m sure would NEVER interfere in the main event of a PPV or anything like that. Let’s get to it.

The usual recap opens the show, and tonight it’s Sheamus/Cena vs. Ziggler/Show.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

The Shield is watching from the top of the arena so Kane calls them down. Titus and Kane get things going and O’Neal is quickly knocked to the floor. Cole talks about “Daniel Ambruce” saying something last week. Rollins and Reigns have gone somewhere else apparently. Kane and Bryan work on Darren’s arm as Reigns is now down in the arena. The Players double team Kane in the corner and Reigns moves down the steps. Ambrose is down in the arena as well. Rollins is nowhere in sight.

Bryan hits his running knee of the apron as the match is now all about looking at the Shield. We go to a break and come back with Titus clotheslining Kane down. Reigns and Ambrose are still in the crowd. Back to Bryan with a running dropkick in the corner for two. GOOD GRIEF stop showing the Shield guys. We get it already. Young comes in and is put in the NO Lock but everything breaks down. Ambrose and Reigns are at the barricade now as the match has more or less stopped, allowing Darren to roll up Bryan, who reverses it into a rollup on Young for the pin at 11:28.

Rating: D. I have no idea if the match was good or not, because they kept cutting away to show the Shield guys. I really hope this isn’t Nexus all over again because it’s really shaping up to be similar to it. The Players will likely get passed over again as it looks like Shield might get the tag titles soon. Nothing to see here, almost literally.

Post match the Shield runs in and crushes Kane’s arm under the steps. Bryan gets beaten down as well as Rollins runs in. The Superbomb leaves Bryan laying.

Sheamus and Cena are talking in the back and I think they’re talking about soccer. Apparently after Smackdown they went out for 15 pints or so. Sheamus says he’ll be focused tonight.

AJ vs. Tamina Snuka

Happy blowoff match people. AJ jumps on Tamina to start and then does it again. Tamina slams her off the top before putting her right back up there. An over the shoulder backbreaker…is released a few seconds after Tamina puts it on. Tamina keeps pounding away as this is going about as far as you would expect AJ vs. Tamina to go. The splash is loaded up but AJ rolls Tamina up for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? The match was nothing of note and they didn’t do anything special. Was anybody expecting Tamina to add anything to this story at all? Nothing to see here at all and as usual, the Divas continue to be a complete waste of time. I’ll say this though: AJ can rock a pair of shorts.

Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say after a break. Post break Heyman complains about the new and updated WWE Encyclopedia because there isn’t enough in it about CM Punk. Heyman does however give credit to them for having a list of WWE Championship Reigns in it, and at midnight tonight Punk will tie Cena’s record and tomorrow night at midnight, CM Punk will be the longest reigning WWE Champion of the last 25 years, which is the modern era. Heyman says Punk should be front and center on WWE’s Mount Rushmore.

Punk says that he’s still unfairly persecuted, because he’s still the best in the world. That’s not just a catchphrase, because he’s the best of all time. Punk makes fun of some fans for not having jobs or marriages lasting as long as his title reign. He talks about how the fans credit either Maddox or the Shield for keeping the title on Punk. Punk says that he’s got nothing to do with either of them, but he’s the reason everyone is here tonight. He’s the hottest thing in WWE today and he tells us to change the channel if you don’t believe him. Or get up and leave his arena right now.

He’s interrupted by…….The Miz? The fans are getting into the REALLY chant now. He tells the fans to sit down and enjoy themselves, because no one buys what Punk is saying. Punk wants to know who Miz is, so Miz says he’s the one who took every shortcut he could as WWE Champion, but at least he admits it. Punk has been bailed out time after time by Maddox and Shield….so Punk insults Miz’s shoes.

Miz doesn’t want a fight, but wants Punk to come on MizTV to take a lie detector test. This leads to Miz calling Heyman a walrus, starting a chant. Punk DEMANDS an apology from the fans, so Miz keeps goading Punk into a test. He says Punk doesn’t want an asterisk by his name, so Punk goes for the idea. We spent over ten minutes to get there? Seriously?

John Cena/Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show

Sheamus vs. Ziggler to get things going. A shoulder puts Ziggler down, as does a slam and it’s off to Cena. We hit the chinlock but at least this one is short. Cena speeds things up and takes Ziggler down with an armdrag. Off to Big Show who shoves Cena away. Why exactly does this surprise Cena? Cena tries the shoulder and literally bounces off Big Show.

Show hits the big chop in the corner and falls on Cena in a slam attempt. Off to Ziggler for some fast elbow drops for two. Cena avoids a splash in the corner and it’s off to Sheamus vs. Big Show. A knee lift and a running double ax put Show down, but the Battering Ram is blocked by a spear out of the air.

We take a break and come back with Show still working over Sheamus. Ziggler hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Sheamus fights back with the Irish Curse. Hot tag brings in Cena, house is cleaned like the boss is on his way home, and it’s White Noise to Show while Cena hits the AA on Ziggler for the pin at 11:52. Ziggler got up too early after the Protobomb and they had to rush to the finish.

Rating: C. Standard main event style tag match here and I’m always a fan of mixing the feuds up like this. Sheamus holding Show there for White Noise for that long is a really cool visual, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Also Cena pins Ziggler. Again. Not much to see here but it was fine I guess.

Cena and Sheamus celebrate way more than they should post match.

We recap the Punk/Miz stuff from earlier.

The MUPPETS will be at Tribute to the Troops. This results in Piggy hitting on Flo Rida.

Here’s Sandow looking for his apprentice again. As usual, Sandow owns this whole segment, berating the guy after he doesn’t know an English poet. It’s the little insults in this that make Sandow great. He’s totally into the character and the line of “ignorance is curable but stupidity is forever” is good stuff. I loved this. Naturally Santino comes out to make the segment stupid. He asks how many shells did she sell by the seashore, making Sandow go into a lecture about crustaceans. Thankfully Damien drops him with one shot. We get a match.

Damien Sandow vs. Santino Marella

This is joined in progress after a break with Santino doing his power walk thing. Apparently Santino won a power walking contest seventeen years ago. Cole gives a story about why that’s not true or something like that. Wind-Up Elbow gets two as does a small package from Sandow. Santino comes back with his usual sequence and Damien runs from the Cobra. Sandow catches him coming back in and steals the Cobra. Marella guillotines him on the top but misses the top rope headbutt. Terminus and we’re done at 2:40 shown. This was the same match Sandow had with Ryder last week.

TOUT questions to stump Damien with. Oh geez.

Vickie says she’s starting to lose faith with Ziggler, so Ziggler asks for another match with Cena at the PPV. Vickie isn’t sure but goes into her office to see Brad Maddox. There’s a camera on Maddox in the office. Post break, Maddox is asking for a contract and appeals to Vickie’s obsession with her legacy to get a job. He calls himself a Youtube sensation and is told if he wins his match tonight, he gets a contract. I’m thinking Orton for this one.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

Haven’t we seen this match a few times recently? Cara grabs the arm to start before Alberto jumps him in the corner. A knee to the head of Cara gets two before Cara comes back with the usual armdrags. Del Rio sends him into the middle buckle and kicks him in the back. A snap suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Cara escapes and speeds things up, sending Del Rio to the floor and hitting a rana off the apron.

We take a break (in Del Rio vs. Cara? Really?) and come back with Sin Cara still in control. Alberto is sent to the floor for a second and as Cara sends him back in, Del Rio shoves him off of a springboard attempt. That gets two for Alberto and it’s time for a chinlock. Cara’s mask goes up a bit and Del Rio gets two off a German suplex. Alberto misses a charge in the corner and Cara hits a solid tornado DDT to put both guys down. Headscissors puts Del Rio down, as does a kick to the head. Top rope cross body gets two, as does a standing Sliced Bread by Cara. The Swanton misses and the cross armbreaker gets the tap at 12:40.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty entertaining, but this is like the opening matches on an old WWF house show: long because we need to fill in the show. Del Rio has now beaten Cara three times in three weeks I believe with the armbreaker. Why did we need to see this match again? Cara doesn’t really get anything out of it and the results are the same. Why should I be interested?

Vince wants to talk to Vickie in the ring.

We recap the set up for the lie detector test again.

Here’s Vickie to suck up to Vince. She tells everyone to clap, because Vince doesn’t get a reaction you know. First up, Vince wants to hear what she’s got for the TLC PPV. The match is going to be Cena vs. Ziggler but Vince wants more. She suggests no DQ, but Vince wants more. He whispers something to her and it’ll be a ladder match….for the MITB case. Vickie thinks this isn’t fair to Dolph because he has nothing to gain.

Vince thinks the AJ scandal hasn’t been fair, so maybe Vickie should apologize by making the match official. The match is made, but Vickie stops to dismiss Vince. Oh you are an idiot. Vince understands there’s a lie detector test going on tonight. If Punk is proven to be a liar about Maddox and the Shield, there should be a penalty against him. After forever, Vickie gets to the idea of Ryback vs. Heyman next week if Punk is lying.

Brad Maddox vs. Randy Orton

If Maddox wins, he gets a contract. Maddox gets in one elbow before it’s a few signature moves and the RKO for the pin at 1:10.

Post match Shield runs in and destroys Orton.

Vickie yells about Shield when Dolph comes in to yell about the ladder match. He says Vickie is becoming just like AJ. Dolph leaves and Heyman comes in to glare at her without saying anything. She finally says that Punk better be telling the truth. Heyman leaves and Cena comes in to gloat, as well as make a joke about Ziggler being the first guy ever to forget the Five Moves of Doom. Vickie has found some Cena bowties in the Divas locker room, which suggests that she’s getting obsessed with Cena. Cena goes on a mini rant about Vickie is lying again, saying the ties aren’t even the right color.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro

Teddy Long comes out and makes it a four way match for a title. What title would that be though? The audience gets to pick what title is on the line and the results are up after the break. Post break, it’s Cesaro’s title on the line in a landslide.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

Truth and Barrett are both thrown to the floor quickly and Cesaro gets rolled up for two. Barrett decks Truth on the floor as Kofi sends Cesaro to the outside. The pumphandle slam gets two for Wade on Kofi, who immediately dives onto Cesaro on the floor. Truth comes back in t beat on Wade before gyrating a bit at him. Barrett to the floor, so it’s Kofi vs. Truth.

They know each other very well so no one can get an advantage, resulting in a stalemate off a double dropkick. The villains come back in and Kofi/Truth botch a spot where Truth was going to launch Kofi onto Cesaro. Kofi hits a suicide dive on Barrett but Truth misses a dive onto Cesaro. Cesaro throws Truth around a bit more as we take a break. Back with the two champions pounding on each other until Cesaro uses a half crab giant swing on Kofi.

Barrett makes the save and knocks Cesaro to the floor before hitting the Winds of Change on Kofi for two. Truth comes back in with the ax kick for two on Barrett, but Wade comes back and loads up a superplex. Truth knocks him down and Cesaro goes up top with Truth. Kofi runs up the corner and hits an armdrag to take Cesaro down. Wade tries the superplex again and we get a Tower of Doom with kofi on the bottom. Cesaro makes a VERY close save to break up the pin before getting two of his own off that fireman’s carry slam of his. That should be his finisher instead of the Neutralizer.

Truth clotheslines Cesaro and himself to the floor, leaving Wade and Kofi alone. Kofi elbows and dropkicks Barrett down as things speed up. Boom Drop hits but Cesaro breaks up Trouble in Paradise. Neutralizer is broken up by Truth and there’s the Bull Hammer to Truth. Kofi kicks Wade’s head off, but Cesaro pulls Kofi off Wade into the Neutralizer for the pin to retain at 12:23.

Rating: B. WAY better match than I was expecting here and a lot of that was because it was a title match. I had a reason to care who was getting those near falls because there was actually something on the line. It gets really dull when these matches have nothing up for grabs, so having something this simple was a nice addition. The only problem I have: why have Kofi get pinned here? Truth was RIGHT THERE but can’t take a loss?

We recap Maddox and the Shield saving Punk’s title twice now.

We also recap the Vickie/Vince stuff from earlier.

Time for MizTV to end the show. He’s got a lie detector test guy here from the sheriff’s department, but he says the wrong county. If Punk lies about the important stuff, Heyman has to face Ryback next week.After Miz explains a lie detector, we get on with the test. Miz asks about embarrassing moments in Punk’s career, like having Rey shave his head and about facing Orton when Miz was in the main event. There’s the walrus thing again. Punk thinks he can beat Ryback by himself, and that’s a big lie. The results are on the screen.

Oh apparently Punk COULD be lying. Miz asks about Maddox and the Shield…..but here’s the Shield to destroy Miz and clear the ring. They hit the Super Bomb and here’s HELL NO. The numbers catch up with the champs and Ambrose goes after Kane’s arm from earlier. Ryback comes out and throws Ambrose to the floor. Make that into the crowd as the beating is on.

HELL NO beats up the other guys and everyone goes into the crowd. Punk is left alone in the ring with Miz and kicks him to the floor. Punk and Heyman pose but Ryback comes back for the Shell Shock to Punk. Ryback gets a chair and a ladder to beat up the champion. Now it’s a table and a powerbomb through it for the champ to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than what they’ve been having lately. First of all, the lack of recaps helps A LOT. We didn’t have to waste a ton of time seeing the same stuff five times a show. Second, no stupid AJ/Vickie/Cena stuff. That stuff sucked the life out of shows because it never led anywhere. Now we didn’t have that and we got a major PPV match out of it. Throw in a fourway that actually meant something and Maddox getting massacred and you’ve got a better show. MUCH better than they’ve had in recent weeks, but three hours is still far too long.

Results

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Rollup to Young

AJ b. Tamina – Rollup

Sheamus/John Cena b. Big Show/Dolph Ziggler – AA to Ziggler

Damien Sandow b. Santino Marella – Terminus

Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Cross Armbreaker

Randy Orton b. Brad Maddox – RKO

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston, Wade Barrett and R-Truth – Neutralizer to Kingston

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2012
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Survivor Series was last night and to say I’m not thrilled by the prospects at the moment for the WWE is an understatement. Ryback lost the world title match because of an invading group of NXT guys, but other than that there’s not much to get excited about. Thankfully this is the time of year when the WWE actually starts trying so maybe they’ll do that again tonight. Let’s get to it.

They do that stupid voiceover thing again. That has to go soon. It’s a recap of last night but they don’t say what happened. Oh wait yes they do because this show is stupid.

Here’s Ryback to open the show….for a promo? Well that’s certainly different. He says he was about to feast on the WWE Championship last night, but Punk had three men take food out of a starving man’s mouth. Ryback is a predator and those four men are now his prey. He wants them out here right now, but if they don’t he’s going to tear this place apart. A feed me more chant starts and here’s Vickie. She says if Ryback attacks anyone in the back, it’s a fine or suspension. For now though, here’s a match for him.

Ryback vs. Tensai

Oh joy. They fight over a lockup to start followed by Ryback running over Tensai. Tensai headbutts him in the corner as we’re just waiting on the inevitable here. A Thesz Press of all things takes down Tensai and Ryback rams his head into the mat over and over again. A Baldo Bomb puts Ryback down and the backsplash gets no count at all. There was a cover but Ryback got up before one. A powerslam puts Tensai down as does a spinebuster before we head outside. Back in and it’s the Meat Hook and Shell Shock (BIG reaction when he got Tensai up) for the pin at 3:33.

Rating: D+. The ending looked good but there was nothing to this match because there’s nothing to Tensai. Why am I supposed to care about Ryback beating a guy who hasn’t won a match in months, especially when he’s beaten him so many times already? Just nothing of note here and a waste of time for the most part. Ryback isn’t going to get the title anytime soon, and that’s the problem for him right now.

Sheamus is yelling at the referee from last night.

Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title here. Feeling out process to start with Kofi hitting a jumping back elbow (love that move) for two. King talks about Barrett’s nose as Kofi pounds Wade in the face. Wade comes back with shots to the ribs to take over as this hasn’t gone that far in the first few minutes. A neckbreaker gets two for Wade and we take a break. Back with Kofi in a chinlock and apparently Barrett attacked the eye earlier.

Barrett hits the boot to the face while Kofi is in the ropes to keep Kingston in even more trouble. Kofi’s head goes into the steps before a kick to the head gets two back inside. Wade rips away at Kofi’s face some more but the champ comes back with a rollup for two and a kick to the face.

Barrett rolls to the floor but as he comes back in, Kofi pounds away on him. This is the Wildcat or whatever Kofi calls himself now. The Boom Drop hits but Barrett blocks the kick and hits Winds of Change for two. Kofi kicks him in the face and hits the cross body off the top for another two. SOS gets two more but a rake to the eyes sets up the Bull Hammer to give Wade the pin at 11:30.

Rating: B-. Solid match here, but man alive is there NO other way to set up a title feud than having the challenger pin the champion? Just say they’re having a title match at the PPV. Seriously just do it that way. Stop having to walk us through everything and just do the match. Let them TALK to each other and have some interaction and then do the freaking match. I assure you it’s not that hard.

We talk about the invading NXT guys along with Brad Maddox, the latter of whom we get a video on.

Punk and Heyman are setting up for the WWE Championship Celebration later. Punk yells at Striker for bringing up Ryback’s name. Heyman says Ryback is invited to the celebration. Punk: “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

Aksana tries to hide on the floor but suckers Kaitlyn in for a clothesline. She pounds on Kaitlyn a bit and cranks on the arm over the top rope as you see Del Rio do occasionally. Kaitlyn comes back with some hair throws and a weak gutbuster for the pin at 3:02.

Rating: D-. Why in the world is this supposed to interest me? If Kaitlyn is supposed to be the next big thing for the girls, they’re in more trouble than they thought. She’s just not that good and there’s really no other way to spin it. Aksana looks good in the outfits but she’s DEATH in the ring. Nothing to see here.

Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro

Truth is at ringside because this is STILL continuing again. Oh and this is non-title because titles aren’t meant to be defended. Brodus pounds on him in the corner followed by Cesaro pounding on Brodus in the corner. Cesaro takes Brodus down and hits a double stomp followed by a cravate. Brodus comes back with a headbutt to the chest and a splash in the corner but a Vader Bomb misses. A European Uppercut off the middle rope sets up the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:30. Clay lost in case you’re freaking stupid and complain about me not making stuff clear enough. Cesaro you, you dumb schmuck. Clear enough for you?

Video on Cena’s Make-A-Wish stuff. Apparently Cena is the only person to ever fulfill 300 wishes. That’s AMAZING when you think about it. To stretch it out we’ll say he’s been doing this ten years. That’s 30 a year or about one ever 12 days or so. Given his schedule, that’s amazing and it’s likely that it’s a lot tighter than that because he wasn’t a big deal until about 2005.

Vickie is talking to two people in the back. She has more evidence tonight. Oh freaking great.

Here are Vickie and those two people to waste more time and stop the wrestling we had going. Four matches in the first hour including one going over ten minutes isn’t bad at all, but we need THIS now right? She says that she wouldn’t lay a hand on a WWE Superstar but AJ had no reason to try to humiliate her. These people are witnesses apparently. The chick is a waitress at the restaurant where the business dinner took place. Apparently they wanted a private table and were whispering to each other a lot.

The other witness is a parking attendant who saw them in a car together for an hour. What did they do? No idea, but apparently someone came to tell him about what he saw in the car. Cue AJ who at least looks good. AJ says fire her or let it go already because this is stupid. PREACH IT SISTER! Vickie says she has a photo from the guy who claimed to have no idea what was going on.

Before she can show it, here’s Cena who says this is all nonsense. Cena says that Vickie is trying to give people something to talk about, so here’s how you do it. With that, he kisses AJ who seems to like it and kisses him as well as he goes back to talk to Vickie. Ziggler comes out and they brawl up the ramp. Well it’s better than nothing I guess. Cena might have hurt his knee on the way up but from what I can tell this is storyline only.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton

This is 2/3 falls because they need something to fill in the three hours. Why this feud is continuing is beyond me but my guess is because the writers aren’t capable of coming up with anything new. Orton takes over with a quick clothesline but Del Rio goes after the arm to take over. Randy snaps off that gorgeous dropkick of his as the fans want an RKO. Instead they get a snap suplex from Del Rio for two.

Lawler talks about Ricardo’s relatives: Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and the joke will make sense. Alberto goes after the arm but Orton shoves him away when he tries the armbreaker. Del Rio gets in another shot to the arm and wraps it around the post over and over again, drawing the DQ for the first fall. The crowd is just in love with Orton here.

We take a break and come back Alberto holding a top wristlock and kicking the arm even more. Off to an armbar which Orton suplexes out of and starts his comeback to a big reaction. This is one of the hottest crowds they’ve had in months. Del Rio counters the Elevated DDT and the cross armbreaker ties things up. Del Rio poses a lot instead of staying on Orton as things slow down a bit.

Orton insists he can keep going and gets to his feet to start the third fall. Del Rio plays some cat and mouse as Orton keeps backing away because of the arm. Orton gets that sweet spinning rollup out of the corner for two but Alberto hits him in the arm to stop him dead again. The running kick in the corner gets two but Orton snaps off his backbreaker to slow Alberto down. Rodriguez interferes and is ejected but the distraction lets Del Rio hit the Backstabber for two.

Del Rio coils up for the RKO like Orton but walks into the Elevated DDT. Orton goes for the RKO mat slap but hurts his arm again in a smart move. It makes sense that he would hurt his arm there, which shows thinking. I love that! The armbreaker goes on but Orton grasps his hands to block it into a rollup for two. Del Rio misses another kick and the RKO ends this at 12:44.

Rating: B-. This is one of those matches where it depends on how you look at it. From a psychology standpoint, it was great with Orton selling the arm VERY well and teasing that he could lose the match because of it. The crowd was way into things too which helped a lot. On the other hand though, what in the world does this prove? The feud should have ended with the falls count anywhere match but instead we get another match with the same ending. It was good, but it’s kind of annoying in the same sense.

We recap the AJ/Cena/Vickie stuff from earlier, because going 20 minutes without hearing about it is too long.

Cena gets his knee looked at and AJ is with him.

Great Khali vs. Primo/Epico

Before the bell here’s Horny to give Rosa some flowers. The cousins have to tag here but the camera is on Horny and Rosa for a good chunk of it. Oh wait the flowers spray Rosa with water. Punjabi Plunge ends Epico at 1:09. This was an angle with a match going on in the background.

Heyman continues his prep for the celebration before FREAKING because there aren’t any balloons.

The Miz vs. David Otunga

Otunga pounds him down with forearms to the back to start and sends Miz shoulder first into the post. A Russian legsweep gets one and Otunga uses some middle rope elbows for two. Off to a chinlock followed by a clothesline and a shoulder block for two for Otunga. Back to the chinlock and we get a mild boring chant. A rollup gets two for Miz as does a clothesline for Otunga. We hit chinlock number three in four minutes but Miz fights out and gets two off a sunset flip. There’s the corner clothesline and the ax handle to set up the Finale to Otunga for the pin at 6:07.

Rating: D+. This was a good idea for Miz to come back like he did, but at the same time it wasn’t much from a technical standpoint. When you have three chinlocks in four minutes, it’s pretty clear you have no idea how to get through a very basic match. Seriously grab an armbar or something. Nothing to see here but Miz getting a clean win is a good thing for him, even over someone like Otunga.

We recap Show vs. Sheamus and the controversial ending from last night.

Another recap shows us what happened so far tonight.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

Sheamus has the chair with him and says that he’s not smiling after last night. He wants one more match with Show and here’s the champ. Show looks more sleepy than anything else but says that he has nothing left to prove over Sheamus. That’s rather true actually. They yell at each other for awhile and Show says he’s the champion still. Sandow finally cuts them off and we’re ready to go.

Sandow bails to the corner to start and demands that the referee do his job. A single punch puts Damien on the apron and things stay slow. Off to a headlock by Sheamus which also goes nowhere. Sheamus pounds on him in the corner and hits a suplex for two. The pale one works on the arm as the announcers recap the show because the recap before this match wasn’t enough I guess. Sheamus knocks him out to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Sandow sending Sheamus’ shoulder into the buckle. Sandow pounds away with the knees to the chest and drops some ax handles for two. We hit the chinlock as Cole and King have some really bad small talk. A Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow but Sheamus pops up and hits the Irish Curse to put Sandow down. Sheamus comes back with the forearms in the ropes, the top rope shoulder, White Noise and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:25. There was no comeback or anything from Sandow in between. Sheamus really did just hit all of those moves in order for the pin.

Rating: D. How in the world was that fifteen minutes long? This was a very uninteresting match and was yet another match that was just being stretched out for the sake of stretching out a match to fill in the three hours. This is another one of those matches that we’ve seen a few times and it’s gotten progressively worse each time, which is how WWE works today.

AJ comes in to see Tamina and Vickie and nothing happens.

Post break, AJ is storming somewhere with Layla telling her not to do it. AJ goes into the men’s locker room and up to Ziggler. Dolph yells at her and Cena beats Dolph up until Dolph goes after the bad knee.

Post break, we show the same segment from before the break.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio vs. HELL NO

Non-title, again. The Players are on commentary here. Apparently if the masked dudes win, they get a title shot. Cara and Kane start and Kane runs over a jumping Cara before bring in Bryan. The fans continue to be white hot by cheering for Bryan, even as he misses a middle rope knee drop. Off to Rey for the double kicks from the masked men, getting two on Daniel.

Bryan comes back with a kick to Rey but Kane tags himself in to continue one of the worst series in wrestling history. Kane sends him to the floor but gets caught by the seated senton off the apron. Cara dives on Bryan who is on the floor for no apparent reason as we take a break. Back with Kane cranking on Cara’s head but let’s look at the Players talking instead of the match.

Bryan puts the surfboard on Cara as Titus makes fun of Lawler having a heart attack, insisting that he’s not doing any CPR. We debate wash rags for a bit (don’t ask) as Bryan brings in Kane. Back to Bryan for a camel clutch as we talk about healthcare and Robitussin. A tornado DDT puts Bryan down and there’s the tag to Rey. Mysterio gets a kind of reverse DDT on Kane as everything breaks down. Rey dives into an uppercut from Kane for two but there’s the 619 and top rope splash but Kane catches him by the throat. Not that it matters as the Players run in for the DQ at 10:42.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the whole thing wound up meaning nothing. My guess is they’re setting up for a triple threat match at the PPV because we haven’t had one in a full month at that point. HELL NO needs to change things up a bit because they’re still having the same match they’ve had since the team formed, which really shouldn’t shock anyone because no one evolves in WWE, but try to do something new already.

Post match the Players get beaten down.

Heyman promises Punk that no one will interrupt the celebration.

Oh wait we need to show the AJ/Cena stuff AGAIN. As usual, this means showing it for I think the fourth time tonight.

Here’s Heyman in a decorated ring for Punk’s celebration. He wants to know why no one likes them, assuming it may be making fun of Lawler’s heart attack. I begin to love Paul Heyman as he explains how ridiculous fans are for wanting more adult storylines and then saying it’s too far when Heyman fakes a heart attack. Here’s Punk to the ring to talk about people who couldn’t last a year as champion. Names like Bret, Shawn, Undertaker and Rock are mentioned which is pretty good company to be ahead of.

We get a video on Punk and his year as champion which is pretty cool when you think about it. Given how much content there is today, a year is an INSANE amount of time to hold the title. The fans are cheering for Punk when the video ends. Punk talks about being champion until June 25, 2018, which is the 355^th episode of Main Event (“On Ion Television”) when he’ll pass Sammartino’s seven year run.

Heyman talks about how great Bruno was and says he belongs in the WWE Hall of Fame, but says Bruno couldn’t beat Punk. Nor could Hogan or that other Paul Heyman guy, Steve Austin. At the Rumble we’re going to see that Rock couldn’t beat Punk either. This brings out Ryback but the three NXT guys attack him. Ryback fights them off and gets in the ring but the numbers catch up with him. The three guys get him to the floor and hit the triple powerbomb through the table like last night. Punk never touched Ryback and he gets in Ryback’s face to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is your typical Raw anymore: it could have been good but the third hour wound up killing it. Not the final hour mind you, but having an extra sixth minutes throughout the show to fill. This results in a TON of recaps and matches being stretched out for the sake of stretching them out (see Sheamus vs. Sandow). That doesn’t make for a good show, but rather a LONG one. It feels like it never ends and that makes it almost a chore to sit through. This was better than most shows though.

Results

Ryback b. Tensai – Shell Shock

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Kaitlyn b. Aksana – Gutbuster

Antonio Cesaro b. Brodus Clay – Neutralizer

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO

Great Khali b. Primo/Epico – Punjabi Plunge to Epico

The Miz b. David Otunga – Skull Crushing Finale

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

HELL NO vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when the Prime Time Players interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we’ve got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it’s the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can’t complain much about this.

They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.

Cena vs. Punk tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there’s seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who’s counting?

Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There’s the Elevated DDT and here’s Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn’t that quite a stretch?

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I can’t stand rating due to how short it is. I usually only rate matches that run three minutes or more, so this barely qualifies as a ratable match. It’s your standard preview for the Survivor Series match, which means it’s not that good. Ziggler has to lose again of course though.

Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it’s a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it’s back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it’s off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.

Rating: C. Better match than the first one, but did they really have to do THE EXACT SAME FINISH in the span of ten minutes? Are they that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with anything else? This was nothing of note until the end where things sped up, but most of the match was in the commercial so what is there for me to grade anyway?

Orton stares at Del Rio because there’s no end to this feud in sight because that’s how WWE works anymore.

Post break here’s Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they’re every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.

Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn’t do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits….that they’re just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.

I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That’s the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren’t even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.

A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena’s phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN’T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.

Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.

Post break it’s MORE CENA AND AJ! They’re in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there’s nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.

We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.

William Regal vs. Big Show

See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It’s not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it’s a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?

Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It’s one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.

We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that’s a bit much no?

Cole and JR are in the ring and here’s the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn’t sure what to say but he can’t believe he’s really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn’t know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers….and here are Punk and Heyman.

Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he’s glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death….again. It’s ok to boo Punk but you can’t get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that’s in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It’s all Lawler’s fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn’t let it go.

Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he’s been champion. He’s now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he’s pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk’s reign as champion is on life support.

Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It’s time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it’s more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn’t giving this the ok the whole time, you’re an idiot.

Punk played on the crowd’s emotions and the people hate him even more now. That’s called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that’s because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples’ emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it’s almost like Punk is a villain and he’s offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.

Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: “THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” It’s almost like it’s SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there’s one thing wrestling fans know, it’s what they want.

Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn’t fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: “Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack!” Foley says we’ll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.

Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he’s back today. Let’s summarize this quickly. Foley: “You have no respect.” Punk: “I don’t just off roofs.” That takes a few minutes before we’re told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don’t bother saying Cena’s name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!

Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we’re out of options and Punk says to fix it.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico

Lawler is back on commentary officially. It’s Titus vs. Justin to start with O’Neal taking over. There’s the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here’s Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.

Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it’s off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can’t type it all. It’s down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.

Rating: C+. This started slow but once Kidd hit the Blockbuster it went INSANE fast. That’s the kind of things WWE should be doing: fast paced tag matches with the guys that are capable of having fast paced tag matches. Start the show with THIS instead of the long and dull matches you did and things get off on a much better foot.

The WWE still loves the troops!

Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.

Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it’s only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph’s real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.

The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.

R-Truth vs. Tensai

Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn’t been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it’s off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.

Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro’s teeth into his esophagus.

We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.

Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn’t look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.

We recap Maddox’s explanation and Vince’s announcement last week.

We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?

Brad Maddox vs. Ryback

If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There’s an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: “Hey my ride’s here.” What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad’s head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he’s dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to bother rating this one as it was a LONG squash. At the end of the day, there was nothing interesting or surprising here and this is basically the ending of the storyline from HIAC. Why anyone wanted to see this is beyond me, but then again the entire show has been worthless so far.

We’re STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.

David Otunga vs. Sheamus

Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there’s juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.

Post match Sheamus says he’ll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.

Bryan doesn’t like that Kane is having another partner tonight.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???

Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.

The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it’s off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.

Rating: C. This was just a regular tag match which went nowhere. Miz turning face is fine but at the end of the day, he’ll win a few matches then lose a few and no one will be any better off, because that’s how WWE works anymore. I guess we’re passing on the idea of the Scholars being champions anymore as they’ve lost time and time again. Actually scratch that as it means they’ll win soon I’m sure. Oh and of course the guy who is the big surprise turn doesn’t get to be in on the fall or anything like that.

More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.

There’s the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. It’s Cena vs. Punk with more than five minutes. Were you expecting anything bad? They’re making it seem like Punk has no chance in the triple threat, which is a pretty clear indicator that he’s going to retain the belt so he can lose the title to Rock at the Rumble, because WWE actually thinks we’ll buy Punk as having a chance.

Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he’s about to cry in the background.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness Raw sucks anymore. There’s some stuff on here that’s worth checking out, but at the end of the day the first forty minutes are just SO FREAKING DULL that it kills anything good that could come out of the show later on. This PPV is so completely backwards and the show proves it. We sat through Foley vs. Punk and Cena vs. Ziggler here, but neither of those matches are happening on Sunday. They might have an idea where they want to wind up, but it’s clear they have no idea how they plan to get there.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton – Enziguri to Kingston

Big Show b. William Regal – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Layla – Reverse DDT

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico – 450 to Young

R-Truth b. Tensai – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Brad Maddox – Shell Shock

Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – Chokeslam to Rhodes

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2012
Location: LG Arena, Birmingham, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

We’re in England for another taped show here which usually don’t come off all that well. Survivor Series is in less than two weeks and while we have a main event not, it doesn’t really mean anything overall. The main issue tonight is finding out why Brad Maddox screwed Ryback out of the title at HIAC which is apparently opening the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with the announcement of the teams.

Earlier today (like the rest of the show), Miz asked Heyman what kind of a leader runs away from his team. Heyman says it’s the Art of War….and Miz QUITS the team!

Theme song.

We get a stupid narrator doing a voiceover about the stuff with Vickie and Cena last week. STOP DOING THIS ON WRESTLING SHOWS! IT SOUNDS FREAKING DUMB!

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players/Antonio Cesaro

So much for Maddox starting the show I guess. Cesaro and Truth Tout to each other that they don’t like each other. Seriously? We go from Gabriel and Kidd to R-Truth? That’s the best they’ve got? The masked dudes make fun of the Players’ dance which is always funny. Cesaro and Cara start things off here and Antonio takes it to the mat. Cara will have none of that and nips up before hitting a quick rana to take Cesaro down. Off to Young vs. Truth with Darren getting in trouble fast.

Titus and Rey come in and the masked guys hit stereo kicks to a seated Titus for two. Truth does the same with a low dropkick for two and all six guys stare at each other as we go to a break. Back with Cara jumping in to hit Young in the arm before firing off forearms. Cara slips going up the ropes for the armdrag but it didn’t look terrible. Rey loads up the 619 on Young but Cesaro makes a blind tag and picks off Rey into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.

That gets two and here’s Titus for a series of backbreakers. Cesaro’s gutwrench sets up a front facelock on Rey but Mysterio sends him into the corner. Everything breaks down and Truth hits a suplex into a Stunner on Cesaro for two. Young’s gutbuster is escaped by Cara and it’s a 619 and Little Jimmy from Truth to pin Cesaro at 7:50 shown of 10:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this thing about Truth and Cesaro “developing a rivalry” that fast is a joke. No, Touting about each other and being in a six man doesn’t develop a rivalry. It means they’re setting up a match at Survivor Series and nothing else. Stop overhyping everything immediately as it makes things sound stupid. The match was fine.

Lawler is back next week.

We recap Vickie/Cena from last week again.

Here’s Vickie with some IRON CLAD video evidence of the affair between Cena and AJ. She shows us the SAME VIDEOS FROM LAST WEEK. GOOD FREAKING GRIEF WE AREN’T THIS FREAKING STUPID! Cena comes out before the new video is shown to interrupt Vickie and make fun of her a bit. “Vickie Guerrero running a clean show isn’t going to happen. It’s like me learning a new move. I’ve got five and that’s it.”

Cena brings up Vickie’s relationships with Edge and Ziggler but Vickie doesn’t seem to care. We get the video of AJ in a robe going into someone’s room but we can’t see who. Cena says that proves nothing but we get a clip of Cena in a towel coming out of the same room to get something. Cena says the footage is bogus and Vickie says the lies are exhausting. They’re not the only things kid.

Vickie wants AJ to come out here but she gets AJ on the screen instead. AJ says Vickie doesn’t want her out here because it’ll result in the beating of Vickie’s life and AJ will get fired. Ziggler pops up and puts his arm around AJ and implies she’s a w****. That’s it…again. As in YET AGAIN nothing happens in this story.

Heyman recruits Barrett (POP) to replace Miz. That would actually make sense so I doubt it’ll happen. Yep, Barrett turns him down because he doesn’t trust Heyman. Barrett steps off camera and immediately comes back on, saying he’ll join the team but Heyman owes him. Heyman says ok.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

HELL NO gets one of the biggest pops of the night. Feeling out process to start until Bryan moonsaults out of the corner and starts firing off the kicks. Cody gets backdropped to the floor where Sandow jumps Kane. Bryan actually stands up for his partner by hitting the suicide dive to take out Sandow. Cody hits the Disaster Kick off the apron….and slides Bryan in for the Cross Rhodes and pin at 1:55? Great way to kill your hot crowd WWE.

Cody brags about the win and says Sandow could do the same to Bryan just as easily. Kane pulls Damien in, and apparently we’re doing the EXACT SAME THING that the Players and Mysterio/Cara did last week. Are they THIS bankrupt for ideas?

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

This is joined in progress after a break with Kane in control. Sandow gets in some offense but Kane is like boy please and knocks him back down. Bryan and Cody get into a fight on the floor and get ejected. Back to the match with Kane still in control. A side slam puts Sandow down and the chokeslam gets the pin clean at 3:58.

Rating: D+. Yep, it’s exactly the same thing they did a week ago with those other two tag teams, even down to the traded finishes. I’m utterly amazed at how creatively bankrupt this company seems anymore as it’s like they’re not even trying to do something interesting anymore. Between doing the exact same thing in back to back weeks and the STUPID AJ/Vickie/Cena thing and TOUTING to each other being grounds for a title feud, this first hour has been rather stupid so far.

Here’s Cole to talk to referee Brad Maddox. Naturally we have to see a video of something before we can advance though. I need to time how long we spend on recaps one week. Cole asks if Maddox is working with Heyman and Punk, but Brad says it’s all him. All his life, all he’s wanted to do is be a WWE Superstar. The fans keep chanting Feed Me More so this is taking a good while to get through. Maddox says he’s tried to get his foot in the door but it’s been shut over and over. He’s sent tapes everywhere and even once paid two grand for a tryout.

After all that, he was given a chance with a developmental contract. Even in developmental he wasn’t good enough because he doesn’t look right or wasn’t big enough or because he can’t flip enough. WWE told him he’d never get to the main roster but he wouldn’t let his dream die. He said he’d do whatever it took to get to the WWE, so he became a referee. When Raw got expanded to 3 hours, he only needed one chance to make an impact.

Maddox reiterates that Punk had nothing to do with it but Punk was shocked. Ryback and Punk and everyone else noticed him though and he’s famous. Maddox wants to face Ryback. Oh dear I hope that doesn’t actually happen. Here’s Vince to say that he doesn’t believe what Maddox is saying, but he offers Maddox a million dollar contract if he can beat Ryback next week.

Maddox gets out of the ring and Vince says hang on a second and goes to the back. He comes back with Vickie and asks her if she believes Punk was involved somehow. Vince leans on her a bit and she says she agrees, so Vince asks why Punk is getting to hide behind all these people in a Survivor Series match. Instead it should be a title defense against…..Dolph Ziggler? Vince says that’s the wrong answer so it’s now Punk defending against Ryback…and Cena. So to be clear, Vince can override Vickie (he threatened to fire her) but he just doesn’t for some reason most of the time. Good to know.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Show comes out just behind Miz to watch the match. Sheamus runs Miz over to start but Miz slips down to the floor to avoid the forearms on the apron. Cole brings up the White Noise from last week and Show yells a lot. Miz pounds away in the corner but Sheamus comes back with the Regal Roll. The pale one drapes Miz over the top rope and pounds on him with the forearms to knock Miz to the floor. Sheamus gets sent into the announce table and Miz takes over.

Back in and Miz hits a kick to the chest and puts on a chinlock as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting a top rope ax handle for two. Off to a chinlock as Show torments Cole some more. Sheamus suplexes out of the hold but walks into the Reality Check. Miz’s corner clothesline is countered by the ax handle to the face. A knee lift looks to set up White Noise but Sheamus has to settle for a powerslam instead.

The top rope shoulder gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered again. The short DDT gets two and Show double dog dares Cole to bring up the 45 seconds reign. Miz avoids the Cloverleaf and the Brogue Kick, but Sheamus escapes the Finale and hits White Noise. Brogue Kick gets the pin at 14:40.

Rating: C. So. Freaking. What. That can sum up this entire show. Sheamus beats up Miz which is the only logical solution as Miz has nothing going on right now and we’re supposed to believe that a win over Miz means ANYTHING anymore. Sheamus vs. Show is probably the best story going on right now and even that is nothing special whatsoever. As I said, this whole show seems like it doesn’t matter at all.

Vickie comes out of Vince’s office to talk to Dolph It’s officially Team Ziggler at Survivor Series. Punk comes up to claim a conspiracy and goes on a rant about Vince. Tonight it’s Ziggler/Punk vs. Ryback/Cena. Great. ANOTHER worthless tag match.

Regal and Sheamus talk in the back and nothing is said.

We get almost the entire AJ/Vickie/Cena segment from earlier.

Eve Torres/Aksana vs. Layla/Kaitlyn

Aksana makes me feel better if nothing else. Aksana and Layla start things off with Layla grabbing a quick rollup for two. Layla tries her bouncing cross body out of the corner and thankfully Aksana decks her while she’s bouncing to take over. A kick to the face gets two for Aksana and it turns into kind of a fist fight which goes nowhere for the British chick.

Off to Eve for a front facelock to keep things slow. Eve kicks away Kaitlyn’s hand to stop the tag in a nice touch. The bouncing moonsault from Eve is blocked by Layla and there’s the hot tag to Kaitlyn. Everything breaks down and Eve hits that neckbreaker on Layla but Kaitlyn hits a bad reverse DDT for the pin on Eve at 4:58.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t as bad as most of their matches have been lately. Again it helps that they’re giving them some extra time, which sounds simple but it gives them more practice. When you literally triple the amount of time they’re getting on TV a week, the amount of practice also triples. It’s still nothing to get excited about, but it’s notably better than it was.

Alberto yells at Ricardo in the back when Rosa literally bumps into him. They both seem interested by the other.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

During the entrance, we get clips of Orton and Del Rio fighting in the catering area on Smackdown. Has there been a match without a recap during the entrance so far tonight? Del Rio knocks Kofi down but Kingston comes back with a jumping back elbow. The announcers talk about who is going to be the new fifth member of Foley’s team. Is there a reason why Foley is involved at this point? Alberto pounds away in the corner and knocks Kofi to the floor.

Back in and Del Rio hits a double stomp and a suplex for two followed by a body scissors. Alberto works on the arm as this is dragging along. Kofi avoids a charge and Del Rio’s shoulder hits the post now. The fans are pretty dead for this. Some dropkicks put Alberto down and there’s the Boom Drop. The armbreaker is countered and the SOS gets two for Kofi. Kofi misses a springboard cross body….and here’s Orton. Well his music at least, allowing Kofi to roll up Del Rio for the pin at 7:45.

Rating: C-. This match felt like it went on for about twenty minutes instead of just under eight. Ignoring the idea of Kofi, the IC Champion, needing help from Orton to get a rollup win, the match was really dull with Del Rio continuing to be boring in the ring with his really basic arm work. Nothing to see here.

Orton comes in and hits the RKO on Del Rio post match.

We recap the Brad Maddox and Vince thing from earlier.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. Epico/Primo

Primo vs. Santino to start things off with marella taking him to the mat. Santino asks for a break and Santino starts marching around the ring. Off to an armbar by Marella and there’s the tag to Ryder. Zack misses a cross body and the cousins take over with stomping in the corner. Ryder grabs a rollup but Santino is arguing with the referee for some reason. Epico comes in and hits a dropkick for two. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before Ryder escapes a suplex and hits a neckbreaker. There’s the tag to Santino and everything breaks down. Santino busts out the Cobra and lays out Epico for the pin 5:05.

Rating: D. Another boring match here which went on too long. I’ll give them this: they’ve developed a lower card for the tag teams now. This one was for the crowd though as the fans love Ryder and Santino. The match was fine enough I guess, but this show has been so draining already that it’s hard to care.

Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett

Brodus’ face looks different. Did he have facial hair and I never noticed it? Brodus hits his suplex and a legdrop for two. Barrett comes back with the Boss Man Slam and it’s off to a chinlock. Brodus hits a splash in the corner but a second one misses and it’s the Souvenir for the pin at 2:58. Just an extended squash.

Heath Slater vs. Jey Uso

THE USOS ARE STILL ALIVE! Slater plays the guitar to start but Jey charges into a boot in the corner. Slater plays more guitar and it’s off to a chinlock. Jey fights back but it’s time to hit that chinlock again. Back up and a side kick to the face gets two for Heath. There’s the third incarnation of the chinlock but Jey fights up and hits a superkick. Then he stands around before doing anything. A top rope splash hits knees and Slater hits an inverted DDT for the pin at 3:58. The DDT is called the Smash Hit apparently.

Rating: D. I love the 3MB. They’re so stupid and goofy and they’re exactly what these horribly boring Raw’s need. They’re the kind of act where you can totally turn your brain off and just have fun for about five minutes. Their promos are hilarious and they make the show fun for just a few moments. I mean, we can do that on anything else on the show, so take it where you can get it. Also the DDT is a way better move than that sleeper drop Slater used forever.

Here’s Punk before the main event with something to say. He talks about how he beat Ryback but people are trying to taint his victory because of Maddox. Punk says he’s going to get screwed by Vince at Survivor Series but he’ll win anyway because he’s the best in the world. We’re at 351 days, so Survivor Series is a big moment for him.

CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback/John Cena

Cena vs. Punk starts things off and they fight over a top wristlock. It’s quickly off to Ziggler who gets caught in a surfboard submission. A bulldog puts Ziggler down and it’s off to Punk who is hiptossed for two. Double teaming puts Cena down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows for a two count. Back to Punk for a kick to the back of Cena’s head for two. Punk works on the arm but Cena hits an AA out of nowhere to put Punk down.

Back to Dolph who gets two off a Fameasser as does Punk off a neckbreaker. An electric chair puts Punk down again and it’s back to Ziggler. Dolph goes up but misses a missile dropkick and there’s the hot tag to Ryback to face Punk. Ryback destroys both guys and Meathooks Ziggler to the floor. Another Meathook puts Punk down and the Shell Shock gets the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. This was your normal main event tag and it’s so cute that they want us to believe that Ryback has a chance in the main event of the PPV. Cena is there so they can keep the title on Punk without having Ryback get pinned again, because the stupid Rock vs. Punk match needs to happen, because….screw it. This is freaking dumb and having the match set seven months in advance was STUPID because no matter what Punk does, he’s never near Rock or Cena’s level and no one is going to believe Punk has a chance against Rock, but in modern WWE, who freaking cares because that’s what they want to do.

Ryback and Cena stare at each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling on this show, while long and drawn out at times, was mostly fine with some decent matches, but at the end of the day the show falls apart in the third hour when it’s clear that they’re filling in time however they can. The fact that they’ve changed the entire top of the card of the PPV a week later tells me they have no idea what they’re doing and no plan at all. Tonight’s show felt like it should have ended at about 10pm and the last few matches just dragged and dragged, which isn’t something you want to see.

I have no idea what they think they’re going to do to fix things, but if they think Rock is the solution to all of their problems, they’re in trouble. WWE has been able to turn it on in a single night before, but this is as bad as I can remember it being. It’s like they have no clue what they want to do or where any of this is going. Cena and Vickie’s feud is now thrown into a world title match which has nothing to do with Vickie and Ziggler is in the Survivor Series match to somehow feud with Foley who wasn’t even here tonight. This show is a huge mess anymore and a lot needs to change, starting with losing an hour.

Results

R-Truth/Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Antonio Cesaro/Prime Time Players – Little Jimmy to Cesaro

Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes

Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam

Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick

Kaitlyn/Layla b. Aksana/Eve Torres – Reverse DDT to Eve

Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder b. Primo/Epico – Cobra to Epico

Wade Barrett b. Brodus Clay – Souvenir

Heath Slater b. Jey Uso – Smash Hit

Ryback/John Cena b. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler – Shell Shock to Ziggler

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I mentioned this in the review last night but it deserves its own mention here.Last night on Raw, we saw WWE rip off the Clair Lynch storyline that TNA ran a few months back.  We have Cena in the role of AJ Styles, being accused of an affair and having a plausible excuse for every piece of evidence presented to him.  Vickie is now playing the role of Kaz and Daniels as the accuser and AJ is playing a not-angry Clair Lynch.  This is the consensual PG version, but it’s the same story.

If this is the best they can come up with, they’re in trouble.