Monday Night Raw
Date: November 7, 2005
Location: Allen County War Memorial, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles

Taboo Tuesday has come and gone with the big development being Ric Flair beating HHH in something of an upset. Other than that John Cena is still Raw World Champion and in need of a next challenger. The Raw vs. Smackdown feud is certainly not done thougu and Survivor Series is coming up this month with the brand vs. brand theme. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Joey Styles is quickly introduced as the new commentator.

Most of the roster is around the ring and here’s Eric Bischoff for a chat. He’s looking forward to Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series but he has two more matches to announce: HHH vs. Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing match and John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Kurt Angle. As for the Raw team against Smackdown, Big Show and Kane are already in, along with captain Shawn Michaels.

That leaves two spots, so someone needs to step up. Carlito says he’ll do it and promises no more Cabanas because he’s a wrestler. Shelton Benjamin: “Are you high?” Shelton says he deserves the spot so let’s have a qualifying match tonight. Trevor Murdoch thinks he and Lance Cade should be in the match and want their rematch for the titles tonight. Bischoff is game and makes it a hardcore match.

Since Bischoff is handing out matches, Gregory Helms wants one with Rosey and Mickie James wants….a round of applause for Trish Stratus. Bischoff: “Uh….yeah. Whatever.” With that out of the way, Bischoff brings in Edge and Lita because he forgot they were here. Bischoff remembers them walking out on Raw last night so he sends them to Smackdown where Edge can face Batista in a street fight this week. That sends them off, complete with the Goodbye Song.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Joined in progress after a break with Carlito working on a wristlock. Shelton backdrops him to the floor in a heap though and hits a running Blockbuster off the apron. He comes up holding his knee however and it’s time to stomp away. Carlito starts cranking on the leg so Shelton gets smart by pulling on the hair to escape. A toss into the air lets Carlito crash onto his face and the comeback is on, including clotheslines.

Shelton gets two off a bridging northern lights suplex but the top rope clothesline misses. Carlito grabs a DDT for two more (Joey: “Look, his hair is standing on end!”) but Shelton is right back with a Samoan drop. A dropkick to the knee cuts Shelton down again and we hit the half crab. That’s countered into a rollup but Carlito counters the counter and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s the same pains that I’ve had for months now about Shelton and Carlito being the one to beat him makes it even worse. We’re long past the point of the pin not being clean meaning anything as this was another dull match with Carlito winning because WWE saw all of his charisma (which did exist) but nothing to go with it.

Trish Stratus tries to talk to Mickie James about Taboo Tuesday but Mickie cuts her off because they have a tag match tonight.

Trish Stratus/Mickie James vs. Victoria/Candice Michelle

Mickie and Victoria start things off and a quick low bridging from the apron sends Mickie outside. Victoria gets in an elbow to the back and Trish gets knocked off the apron to get her all annoyed. Everything breaks down and Candice is driven into Victoria in the corner. The referee gets rid of Trish but Victoria gets in a shot with Candice’s magic wand for the cheap pin.

Rating: D+. They kept it moving well enough to not be a complete disaster and the addition of Mickie is one of the best things that could have happened to the division at the moment. Trish vs. Mickie is being built up very slowly and that’s something that could make it a big deal. Now as long as they can keep interest up until the match, they could be fine, but that’s easier said than done.

Video on the Raw World Title match at Taboo Tuesday.

Video on Taboo Tuesday.

Big Show and Kane have the most scripted conversation I’ve seen from this era to establish that Kane wants to hurt Cade and Murdoch. This was awful.

Gregory Helms vs. Rosey

Rosey starts fast with some clotheslines and forearms to the back but Helms sends him face first into the middle buckle. That’s too much for Rosey who pounds him back down but misses a Vader Bomb. An enziguri (called a Shining Wizard) finishes Rosey in a hurry.

Tag Team Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are challenging and this is hardcore, much to Joey’s delight. Murdoch wheels out the shopping cart full of weapons and we’re ready to go in a hurry. The threat of a kendo stick sends Cade running while Show chokes Murdoch in the corner. Show gets low bridged to the floor though and Kane gets trashcan lidded out of the air.

That’s it for Cade and Murdoch though as Show is back in, meaning it’s time to clean house in a hurry. They go outside with Murdoch getting a trashcan put over his head for a big boot from Kane. Show clotheslines Cade on the stage and it’s a double chokeslam through the announcers’ table to retain.

Rating: C-. This was as short as it should have been and they kept things in the right setup. There was no reason to go with anything other than Big Show and Kane dominating, which should be the case every time they’re in the ring. Don’t bother with anything more than the two of them wrecking people until someone steals the pin and the titles one day.

Kurt Angle comes out for a match but doesn’t like the YOU SUCK chants. He’s so upset that he says we’re doing this again and goes to the back. His music plays again and there are those chants a second time. Angle gives them ONE MORE CHANCE but then has to rant at them for not having good family values. They are abusing both the First Amendment and ANGLE HIMSELF. We hear about everything Angle has lost for these people so he’s not going to take it anymore. These people suck and he’s out of the main event tonight. Well that’s abrupt.

Post break, Bischoff says Angle can’t do that. If he needs Angle out there though, there needs to be a handpicked referee.

Here’s a bandaged HHH to sit in a chair on the stage for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Rob Conway

Flair is defending and insists on being introduced as “the man that beat HHH at Taboo Tuesday” to really get under HHH’s skin (Flair would be great at that kind of thing). Flair hiptosses him to start so Conway tries to pick up the pace. You don’t try to leapfrog Flair though as he’s waiting on Conway and pokes him in the eye. Conway gets in a few shots in the corner, only to have Flair go with the testicular claw and some chops. Flair’s top rope shot to the head connects and the Figure Four, with a grab of the rope of course, retains the title.

Rating: C-. Just a match here and there isn’t much to be said about the whole thing. Flair winning over Conway is fine and Conway could have been anyone at this point. They’re doing a nice job of making Flair look like he still has it and it’s not like Conway’s push was even still alive at this point.

Post match HHH is at ringside with a chain but Flair fights him into the crowd for a crash through a table.

Smackdown Rebound.

Lita flashes Bischoff to get Edge out of the street fight but he throws her out.

Shawn Michaels/John Cena vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Masters

The fans chant YOU…..something that is beeped out for one of the more annoying things you’ll see for a good while. Angle also has a guest referee with….the returning Daivari of all people. We’re joined in progress after a break with Masters pulling Shawn down by the hair for some VERY fast two counts.

Angle comes in and gets double elbowed for not even two as Daivari takes some sweet time. Cena’s release fisherman’s suplex gets one more so Cena yells a lot while tagging in Shawn. Shawn starts in on Angle’s arm as the fans are back with that chanting again. Angle gets him into the corner though and it’s back to Masters for the bearhug. Leg cranking and a forearm to knock Cena off the apron have Angle in control but he walks into a DDT.

That’s enough for the hot tag to Cena and house is cleaned in a hurry. A cheap shot from the apron lets Angle get in a backbreaker for another very fast two. Cena suplexes his way to freedom and it’s back to Shawn for the house cleaning. The top rope elbow is loaded up but Daivari doesn’t mind Masters getting in a chair shot tot he ribs. Shawn takes the chair away though and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C. Fine enough for the idea of a match like this and you can see Survivor Series from here. Part of the problem is that Angle feels like a filler feud for Cena, but he’s coming up on his third pay per view title shot. Shawn vs. Masters could continue as tension on the Survivor Series team but other than that, this isn’t exactly inspiring stuff.

Shawn and Cena get chaired down (including a shot from Daivari) to end the show with Joey losing his freaking mind.

Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as the focus was on almost everything but the Survivor Series match, leaving us focusing on either a lot of rematches or stuff that wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. I need something a little more than that to carry a show and while this wasn’t terrible, it also wasn’t all that good and I wasn’t interested in a lot of what they had going on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 29, 2004
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 5,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re in week three of Team Orton running the show and in this case it’s Randy Orton himself in charge. His first order of business: HHH defending the World Title in a battle royal, which should all but guarantee a new champion. Now let’s see how our beloved champion gets to outsmart everyone this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Raw World Title: Battle Royal

Edge, Gene Snitsky, Ric Flair, Steven Richards, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, Sylvan Grenier, Jonathan Coachman, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Viscera, Rhyno, Eugene, Chris Benoit, Maven, Tajiri, Rosey, William Regal, Batista, Chris Jericho, Val Venis, HHH

The fight starts before Batista comes out, so we watch that in full and come back to everyone standing still again. Hold on though as here’s Vince McMahon to say that this isn’t happening due to reasons of anyone can win. Can you imagine someone like Steven Richards as the World Champion? It’s a #1 contenders match instead, but the winner will get their shot tonight so you’re still getting a title match.

Battle Royal

Edge, Gene Snitsky, Ric Flair, Steven Richards, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, Sylvan Grenier, Jonathan Coachman, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Viscera, Rhyno, Eugene, Chris Benoit, Maven, Tajiri, Rosey, William Regal, Batista, Chris Jericho, Val Venis

Everyone starts fighting as Edge chills on the steps without ever having gotten in. Hurricane dives at Viscera for some reason but since Viscera isn’t that bright, he can’t throw him out just yet. A bunch of people get together and toss Viscera, followed by Tajiri eliminating his own partner Rhyno. Tomko is out next and Maven gets rid of Grenier, only to get tossed by Eugene. Back from a break with Benoit and Edge chopping it out in the middle of the ring and Coach having eliminated himself rather than be chopped by Benoit again.

Regal and Rosey both go out at Snitsky’s hands, followed by Batista tossing Hurricane. That means a Snitsky vs. Batista showdown until everyone else breaks it up due to reasons of wrestling stupidity. Batista starts cleaning house, including tossing Eugene, Tajiri, Christian, Venis and Flair in just a few seconds. The fans are WAY into that as we take a break. Back again with Jericho dropkicking Snitsky out, leaving us with Jericho, Benoit, Richards, Edge, Benjamin and Batista.

Richards starts celebrating and gets beaten down to leave us with five. Shelton unloads on Edge in the corner as JR is on fire with the over the top call here. The stomping goes on a bit too long though and Edge sends Benjamin to the apron, setting up a spear for the elimination. Jericho charges at Batista and gets tossed, leaving Benoit to German suplex Edge. Benoit low bridges Batista out though and we’re down to the two Canadians. They both wind up on the apron and fall to the floor for the double elimination.

Rating: D+. So there’s the latest version of the double winner battle royal as we set up a likely triple threat match tonight. The match was far longer than it needed to be, though they got us down to a good collection of talent at the end. Having it come after a bait and switch certainly didn’t help either.

In the back, two referees both tell Randy Orton what they think they saw, which of course is a split decision. The referees leave and Vince comes in to tell Orton that it’s his call. Edge comes in to plead his case, offering Orton a title shot if he gets to face HHH tonight. Orton says he’ll think about it, which isn’t good enough for Edge. The boss leaves and Edge is furious.

Maven is annoyed that he hasn’t won anything in the last few weeks. Eugene comes in and asks for help putting his Tag Team Title on. That’s too far for Maven and Shelton Benjamin has to get between them. After four years of work, Maven doesn’t have anything and Eugene can’t even spell title. Eugene spells title so Maven goes after him, with William Regal breaking it up. Maven sits back down.

Candice Michelle stops Orton to ask if her new dress is appropriate. Orton approves, but here’s Benoit to demand the title shot tonight. Benoit would win the title if he had the chance and so he wants his chance. Orton promises to fix things.

Here’s Orton to fix things. Well in a minute as first he announces Regal/Eugene vs. La Resistance for the Tag Team Titles and Jerry Lawler (the birthday King) vs. Ric Flair. Other than that, we can have a triple threat match with Benoit and Edge challenging HHH for the title. I’ve heard worse ideas, though not many less interesting.

Lawler goes to get ready so Jonathan Coachman takes his place.

Lita/Victoria vs. Molly Holly/Trish Stratus

The villains jump them from behind and it’s Victoria getting suplexed down. Trish comes in to start kicking at the arm as the announcers go over HHH’s odds to retain the title. It’s back to Molly for a swinging neckbreaker as the back of Victoria’s trunks has torn, which is made even worse given how small they were in the first place. Molly cuts off the comeback with a kick to the ribs and it’s a stomping down in the corner.

The running seated dropkick gets two and a running elbow keeps Victoria away from Lita again. The Chick Kick is blocked and now it’s off to Lita, meaning Trish gets to panic. Lita can’t quite hit a running splash in the corner so it’s a snap suplex instead. A sleeper has Trish in trouble but Molly makes the save and sends Victoria outside. Molly gets knocked out as well though and it’s the snap DDT to finish Trish.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot worse and the fans are wanting to see Lita take Trish’s head off when she gets the chance. It was a smart move to keep things short at Survivor Series, because the build wasn’t quite done just yet. That was some smart storytelling and they could get some extra mileage out of this story for a better result.

Muhammad Hassan and Daivari montage, with clips of their previous rants.

Ric Flair vs. Jerry Lawler

This is billed as a Legends Match. JR mentions Lawler’s resume and major title wins, which is a good thing to bring up every now and then. How many younger fans see Lawler as an old guy and not a wrestler? Lawler mocks the strut to start and gets shoved, so it’s a slap to Flair’s face. Flair gets knocked down and that’s another strut from Lawler. A slugout goes to Lawler and we get the required Flair Flop.

Flair gets in a cheap shot out of the corner and the comeback is on, including the knee drop. The comeback takes all of two seconds as Lawler elbows him in the face and hits the middle rope fist drop. As you probably saw coming though, Lawler bangs up his knee on the way down though and Flair is rather pleased. A chop block sets up the Figure Four with a grab of the ropes to make Lawler tap.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to it but these two know how to do a paint by numbers match in their sleep. The fans are always going to react to Lawler because he’s one of the all time great performers and has forgotten more about working a crowd than most of the modern roster will ever know. Yeah they’re both old and the match was just a quick filler, but you can see the knowledge and talent on full display.

Melina has been signed as the newest Raw Diva and she hugs Orton for giving her the chance. Melina: “If there’s anything I can do to thank you for the favor, let me know.” Maria comes in as well and Orton has an idea. They won’t be wrestling, but they’ll be in the ring doing something.

Wrestlemania Recall: Benoit wins the title.

We get another Shelton Benjamin video, this time talking about all of the drug issues in his hometown. He was in the middle of firefights and got out as soon as he could. Eventually he found his way out through sports, which got him to college.

With the emotional story out of the way, here is Orton, flanked by Maria, Candice and Melina. Orton thinks we need more hot women though so here are Christy Hemme and Stacy Keibler. So why are they here? Lingerie fashion show. There isn’t much to say here as they all strip, they all look good, they dance rather close to Orton and they all get cheered. A group hug wraps it up.

Is this supposed to make us want to like Orton? The tall, handsome wrestler who gets to hit on the gorgeous women that he probably could get regularly? Orton added nothing to this segment and it could have been anyone running the thing to the same result. This was over ten minutes long, or longer than anything but the battle royal tonight. I get the appeal, but could you be a little more subtle with this stuff?

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. William Regal/Eugene

Regal and Eugene are defending. Eugene shoulders Conway down to start as we hear about the lingerie from the previous segment being auctioned off on WWE.com. As I shake my head, it’s Regal coming in and getting taken to the mat in a bit of a surprise. Eugene gets knocked off the apron and it’s time to Hulk Up, after a legal tag of course. House is cleaned but the crowd is dead after the previous segment. The airplane spin has Conway in trouble and the top rope ax handle gets two. Au Revoir is broken up and it’s a Stunner to finish Grenier.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was watchable for such a short match but the lack of a reaction was really noticeable. There’s only so much you can do when your crowd is dead after a segment like the previous one and there was nothing these guys could do. It’s almost like the fans came to a wrestling show to see wrestling and not a long segment that didn’t add anything to the show.

Post match Eugene brings the kids in to celebrate but Maven runs out and sends him into the steps.

Trish thinks Chris Jericho finds the face mask funny but Jericho thinks she looks great. He also finds it funny that she called Lita the walking Kiss of Death but tonight, the walking KOD beat the walking STD. Next week, Lita gets her title shot.

How to bid on lingerie!

Flair and Batista yell at each other over the battle royal. Good thing they waited an hour and a half to have this talk. HHH comes in to rant about the triple threat but both of them calm him down. Batista sounds a little tentative when he says he has HHH’s back.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Benoit vs. Edge

HHH is defending. Benoit goes after Edge as the champ chills in the corner, watching as Edge knocks Benoit to the floor. Back in and HHH knocks Edge to the floor and whips Benoit chest first into the corner for a pair of twos. Edge comes in again and it’s time for Benoit to take over with some alternating chops. A double clothesline puts Edge and HHH on the floor, setting up a double dive to take them both down again as we take a break.

We come back with HHH down on the floor and Benoit putting Edge in the Sharpshooter. HHH’s save attempt is countered into the Crossface but here are Flair and Batista to make the save. Orton comes out to eject both of them, leaving HHH to hit a spinebuster for two on Edge. Benoit comes back in for the suplexes, setting up the Sharpshooter to Edge’s already banged up back.

Instead of immediately saving, HHH posts Orton first and then breaks things up. HHH gets taken down again and it’s more rolling German suplexes on Edge. Benoit goes up top but has to knock Edge away, giving us a ref bump. The chair is brought in but Orton takes it away from HHH and chairs him over the barricade. Edge is back up for the spear, which is countered into a Crossface with another referee running in. That’s reversed with a rollup that doesn’t break the hold, meaning he taps out at the same time the referee counts three for the double finish.

Rating: C+. There was good action but I rolled my eyes a bit at the match having the same kind of ending as the opener, even with the same people. I’m sure this will set up something else down the line, because that’s what this whole story has been since Survivor Series: a bunch of stuff that makes you wait until next time without giving you anything concrete.

The two referees and the two Canadians argue over who wins to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. A bunch of mostly bad wrestling with Orton offering nothing as the boss for the night makes this another weak show. At least something kind of happened in the main event, but we’re sorry because your definitive deal is on another episode. Benoit vs. Edge for the title is what makes sense and if you think that’s what we’re getting, you haven’t been paying enough attention.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 9, 2002
Location: Thompson-Boling Arena, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Armageddon and that means it’s time for the HHH vs. Shawn Michaels Show (as in the official version instead of the unofficial one we’ve seen for weeks now). Other than that, I really can’t think of anything important that Raw has to offer on Sunday but it’s not like Raw cares about anyone but these two anyway. Let’s get to it.

Eric Bischoff and Chief Morely are in the ring with Shawn Michaels and HHH appearing on the screen. Bischoff gets right to the point: Sunday’s match is going to be 2/3 falls. That’s not all though as each fall will have a special stipulation. The first fall will be a street fight, the second will be held inside a cage and the third is a ladder match. HHH and Shawn didn’t say a word. So to clarify, we’re likely getting THREE Shawn vs. HHH matches and HHH will get to beat Shawn in his signature match to become the champion all over again. Oh joy.

Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

During the entrances, a four way elimination match is confirmed for Sunday with Chris Jericho/Christian defending against these two teams and the Dudley Boyz. Booker works on Storm’s arm to start and let’s hit the HHH talk. Goldust comes in for the yet to be named Rear View on Regal. A suplex drops Goldust though and it’s off to a chinlock. That goes nowhere so it’s already off to Booker as the announcers manage to talk about the match for a bit.

Booker’s spinebuster gets two on Lance and it’s already back to the HHH discussion. There’s the ax kick for two more but Goldust tags himself in for a double clothesline. Shattered Dreams makes Regal cringe and something like a Hart Attack gets two on Storm. Lance comes right back with a Sharpshooter though and Goldust tape.

Rating: C-. This was all about the angle building but that doesn’t mean much given how fast they’re throwing together this weak link story for Goldust. I’m not sure why they couldn’t just have Booker and Goldust go on a roll and beat some teams but why do that when you can have them lose over and over in the first place?

Goldust says he’s the weak link and wants Booker to find a new partner.

Trish Stratus is reading Hulk Hogan’s new book for no apparent reason when Chris Jericho comes in to read an excerpt. Apparently he made Hogan tap at one point but he’d rather talk about the sexual tension between himself and Trish. She thinks Vitamin C sounds very nu-Trish-ous. Then again she saw him without his clothes on two weeks ago and thinks it’s Vitamin Wee. These two have great chemistry together.

Rob Van Dam is on the phone in Bischoff’s office when the bosses come in to hang up the call. Bischoff needs to keep the line open for his call from Scott Steiner. Van Dam leaves but tells Bischoff that he just hung up on Steiner. I would pay so much money to see Steiner and Van Dam have a five minute chat about…..well anything really.

Steven Richards vs. Jacqueline

Jacqueline is in a triple threat match with Trish and Victoria on Sunday, just in case you weren’t over the card already. Steven easily powers her into the corner to start but gets armdragged down. Richards gets serious and grabs a side slam for two with Jackie’s foot on the ropes freaking him out. A DDT gives Jackie two more but she drops him throat first across the top rope. The StevieDT is good for the pin and I have no idea why this existed.

Victoria comes in to go after Jackie but Trish makes the save. Jackie wants nothing from Trish and the loser’s music plays for some reason.

Jeff Hardy is honored to be compared to a young HBK but the real version comes in to say he’s not dead. Shawn knows Jeff is going to take a beating tonight and says take advantage of HHH when he gets cocky. Jeff is grateful for the advice and says if Shawn needs help in the ladder match, let him know.

Rob Van Dam vs. Batista

Batista throws him around to start as JR gets in his regular mention of Rob’s offense being “unorthodox”. Choking underneath the ropes ensues until Rob gets in a few kicks to take over. Rolling Thunder gives Van Dam two but Flair grabs Rob’s foot. Cue Kane for the fast DQ.

Kane and Van Dam clean house.

Morely yells at Kane, who doesn’t know who Morely is. The Chief explains things so Kane does a Val Venis impression, earning himself a handicap match with 3 Minute Warning.

Christopher Nowinski/D’Lo Brown vs. Maven/Al Snow

And Brown is just a heel now. The good guys clean house to start with Snow armdragging Brown a few times. Maven comes in for some right hands of his own until Nowinski pulls him down from behind. The slow beatdown begins with the fans saying someone sucks. My guess would be the whole match but I’m too big of a Brown fan to say that. Nowinski gets dropkicked off the top and the hot tag brings in Snow. The trapping headbutts have Brown in trouble until Chris makes the save. The Sky High puts Snow away.

Rating: D. This is as low level of a feud as you can get and despite the pre-match video on the match, I have no idea why these guys are feuding. I don’t know if this is still supposed to hype up Tough Enough but it’s really not interesting. Also, this gets nearly two minutes longer than Batista vs. Van Dam? Is Batista really that incapable of wrestling a longer match?

Booker tries to talk Goldust out of splitting up the team. The plea is enough and they’ll be a team at the pay per view. So they set up and blew off the story in about forty minutes. That might be a record even for Raw. The story is fine but could we get a bit more time to let is set in? At least have the story go on longer than two weeks to let it have some impact.

HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

HHH pulls him off the ropes during the entrances but Jeff gets in the legdrop between the legs. That’s enough trouble for HHH as he takes Hardy outside for some whips into the steps. Back in and a spinebuster sets up a side slam, followed by an over the shoulder backbreaker. Jeff’s comeback consists of a running forearm before two Pedigrees (because HHH can’t just have one of anything) give HHH the pin.

Rating: D. Well it’s not like Jeff is doing anything at this point. You knew they were going to put HHH over someone very hard to make sure you know how awesome he is before Sunday’s title match. Just in case you didn’t realize how completely awesome HHH was you see. Hardy was treated like a jobber here, though to be fair it’s not that far from the truth.

HHH loads up a chair but Shawn comes out for the staredown as we take a break. Back with Flair saying he’d like a word with Shawn. With Shawn holding the title, Flair talks about carrying that very belt around the airports (not quite) but then someone told him that Shawn was the new man.

Then one day Arn Anderson said Shawn was a tough act to follow and Flair had to take a look in the mirror. Ric realized that he wasn’t the best in the world anymore and there was no way around it. As high as Shawn was on the pedestal though, there’s a new man in town. That man’s name is HHH and he’s the best in the world. Shawn needs to concede the fact that he needs to pass the torch. If Shawn tries to keep going, HHH will kill him on the way to taking the most coveted prize in this business. Shawn seems to buy into the idea and walks away as HHH reiterates what Flair just said.

Great stuff here from Flair but there’s no way around the fact that we’re looking at three Shawn vs. HHH matches on Sunday despite no one wanting to see it. The first match was great but their promos haven’t done much since then. Couple that with the fact that I can’t imagine their match is going to validate crushing everyone else in their paths to get there and it’s hard to imagine this is worth all the effort.

The Raw Retro for the week is Mike Tyson debuting and Steve Austin getting in his face. You can hear WCW collapsing from here.

Kane vs. 3 Minute Warning

Rico offers an early distraction so the Samoans can jump Kane from behind. Double headbutts have Kane in trouble and Rosey gets two off a legdrop. The running DDT plants Jamal and Rosey splashes his partner by mistake. The chokeslam puts Jamal down for the pin in less than three minutes. We have four teams and the Samoans are jobbing in a handicap match?

Rico helps with a post match beatdown until Van Dam makes the save. Jamal even eats a Van Terminator.

Stacy is in a rather sexy Santa outfit and debuts the Test blue ball Christmas ornament. Yes, this really is the joke they’re STILL going with. Just in case you didn’t get the idea, Stacy sings a Christmas carol about the testicles roasting over an open fire.

RNN BREAKING NEWS shows Randy Orton at the New York Stock Exchange.

We run down the pay per view card with all four of its announced matches.

Chris Jericho wants to put Trish through a table in their six person tag. Oh and it’s rather large in case you were wondering. Victoria comes up and says she’ll be the one doing that.

Shawn tells Flair that he’ll be waiting for HHH in the parking lot.

Trish Stratus/Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/Christian/Victoria

Tables match. D-Von hammers Christian into the corner before it’s off to Bubba for the big elbows. Why they’re tagging isn’t clear but I’d assume it’s because they need to fill in some extra time and don’t have any more matches. It’s off to Victoria, who takes What’s Up. Trish hits one on Jericho to make Lawler a bit envious. D-Von brings in the first table but gets knocked off the apron. That’s fine though as Bubba loads up a powerbomb on Victoria….and we take a break?

Back with Bubba in a chinlock and JR apologizing for the abrupt commercial. Victoria comes in to work on Bubba as we see a clip of Jericho breaking up the powerbomb before the commercial. The referee doesn’t see a tag to D-Von, who can’t come in despite, as JR has mentioned more than once, there being no disqualifications. Now the announcers discuss which version of Shawn will show up on Sunday (Shawn Michaels, HBK or the Showstopper).

The Lionsault hits knees and Bubba covers out of instinct as Christian slides in a table. That table is set up in the corner and Jericho bounces off of it as this just keeps going. Bubba dives over for the hot tag to D-Von and house is cleaned in a hurry. Jericho saves Christian from being suplexed through a table but takes 3D for his efforts.

The Dudleys load Victoria up for a powerbomb but Richards comes out for the save, only to have Spike Dudley get rid of him. Christian eats a good looking double flapjack but now Regal and Storm come in to jump Bubba and D-Von. Booker T. and Goldust make it SIX RUN-INS as they go after the champs.

Jericho takes the Stratusphere for some reason and since it’s just a weak hurricanrana, Chris takes Trish’s head off with a clothesline. Booker saves Trish and stops for a Spinarooni but gets dropped by Storm. That earns Lance a 3D and the Dudleys finally help Trish powerbomb Victoria through the table for the win.

Rating: D. Did I mention there isn’t much on this show and they don’t have enough to fill in two hours? This match ran over fifteen minutes with six people running in. The tagging stuff got old in a hurry, especially with JR mentioning more than once that there were no disqualifications. Why he didn’t mention the tags not being necessary isn’t clear but it might have made too much sense.

HHH and Flair head to the parking lot where Shawn hits HHH in the head with a shovel. Flair takes a shot as well (at least wait for the bar) and a trashcan shot knocks HHH into a dumpster. As you might expect, Shawn climbs the highest thing he can find (the production truck) and dives onto HHH for the big crash. Shawn rants about having heart to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this isn’t working and it’s very, very clear that the red side of Armageddon is a horrible show with EVERYTHING banked on Shawn vs. HHH. I’m not even sure why the Tag Team Title match needs to be a four way when you could easily have two tags to flesh things out a bit. The long matches and bad wrestling didn’t help here but above all else, Raw needs something fresh instead of HHH vs. Shawn again.

 

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Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

We’re back where it all started so it can all begin again. I’m not sure what that means either but it’s the tag line of the show. The main event tonight is a triple threat match because what would a WWE show be without one of those? It’s HHH defending the title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels, the latter of whom is here for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The other big match is Eddie Guerrero defending his newly won world title against Kurt Angle. There are some young guys getting their first Manai match tonight as well. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful.

We get a shot of Vince standing in the dark before going into a video on the last twenty years of Wrestlemania which is a pretty cool sight. This transitions into a very serious video about everyone talking about how huge this match is for them. We hear that it all begins again tonight, transitioning to a shot of Vince’s newborn granddaughter. Cool idea.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging here and this is the culmination of a feud that lasted a few months. Show held the title for five months and defended it like three times. Cena does a rap before the match and is just INSANELY over. In New York. My how times have changed. Cena says Show can’t see him so Big shoves him into the corner. Show throws him to the floor but Cena guillotines him as they come back in. A cross body (why would you try that on Big Show?) is countered into a slam for two and the match slows down a lot.

The fans cheer for Cena as Show chops him in the corner. Cena comes back with some right hands but Show clotheslines him down with ease. Show stands on the bottom rope to crush it into Cena’s throat before a vertical suplex gets two. The champion stands on Cena’s back for good measure and drops a leg for two. Show tries a powerslam but gets caught in a sleeper, but the powers of fat break it up pretty easily.

There’s the cobra clutch by the champion for good measure but the fans applaud Cena to freedom. The hold goes right back on though and Cena is in more trouble. John slugs his way out again and gets a boot up to stop a charging Big Show. The FU hits but Show is out just a second after the two count. Since that didn’t work, Cena wraps a chain around his hand but when the referee takes them away, Cena gets brass knuckles to stun Big Show before a second FU gives him his first of many titles.

Rating: C. Slow match but this was a good choice for an opener. The fans were WAY into Cena as he was rapidly becoming the hottest thing in the company (until the rise of Batista of course). The FU was a great visual to open things up as fans are always going to react to freakish displays of strength like that. Good opener here and the fans are hotter than they already were, which is the right idea.

Coach is in the back talking to various people before going in to see Eric Bischoff. Eric sends him to find Undertaker.

Evolution (minus HHH of course) talks about taking out Mick Foley tonight and we get a clip of Orton kicking Foley down a flight of stairs 10 months ago to start the feud. They just happen to be in front of the same stairs, which is a great touch. Instead of having them show us the stairs in a photo, it adds atmosphere which is missing in most promos today. We see Foley walking away from Orton over the months and Evolution destroying Foley over the same months. Tonight it’s Rock teaming with Foley against Evolution in a handicap match which should be AWESOME. Really good package here on the match too.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.

Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.

Coach is in the back again and hears noises coming from a closet. He opens the door to find a disheveled Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan with an unbuttoned shirt. Coach thinks there’s something going on between the two of them but Heenan says there was a poker game going on. Moolah and Mae Young come out of the same closet and drag the guys back in. Heenan screams for help and Coach shakes his head. When I said ANYTHING else, I didn’t mean THAT.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which is a pretty awesome story. Month ago Christian and Jericho made a bet for $1 Canadian that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Jericho wound up falling for Trish but she found out about the bet. He’s spent months begging for her forgiveness but Christian got tired of hearing Jericho whining like this.

Trish agreed to just be friends but Christian started hitting on her. Bischoff made Christian vs. Trish with Christian agreeing to lay down for her. Christian decided to show some tough love by putting her in the Walls of Jericho, setting up Christian vs. Jericho tonight with Jericho fighting for the honor of his love. This is one of my favorite feuds.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

They lock up to start with Jericho getting very aggressive and taking Christian down by the hair. A belly to back suplex gets two for Jericho and he backdrops Christian over the top and out to the floor. Chris hits a big spring plancha but can’t hook the Walls back inside. Christian sends Jericho over the top and out to the floor in a big crash. Back in and Christian chokes away before slapping his own chest a bit. A knee to Jericho’s ribs gets two and it’s off to a neck crank.

Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out for good measure before covering. Off to a chinlock with a knee in Chris’ back but it’s quickly broken up into another failed Walls attempt. A forearm puts Christian down and there’s a running crotch attack to Christian in 619 position. The running enziguri gets two for Jericho before they trade rollups for two each. A northern lights suplex gets two for Chris but the bulldog sets up the Lionsault which hits knees.

Jericho charges into an elbow into the corner and gets taken down by a reverse tornado DDT for two. The reverse DDT into a backbreaker puts Jericho down again but Christian goes up and gets crotched. He blocks a superplex though and hits a top rope cross body, only for Jericho to roll through for two. This is solid stuff so far. Christian kicks Jericho in his injured knee and puts on the old school Texas Cloverleaf. In an impressive counter, Jericho gets underneath Christian and rolls through into the Walls but AGAIN Christian makes the ropes.

Jericho takes it to the floor and puts on the Walls out there before having to break the count. Back in and a butterfly superplex gets a VERY close two on Christian as Trish comes bouncing down the aisle. An inverted DDT puts Chris down for two and Christian spots Trish. He drags her into the ring but Jericho makes the save. Not being able to see though, Trish blasts Jericho in the face, allowing Christian to hook a quick rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. As I said I’m a bit fan of this match and the angle that went along with it. This was Christian’s best singles match to date and he looked perfectly capable of hanging with a more talented guy like Jericho. Trish of course would play a much bigger role just after the match, so let’s get to the interesting part.

Post match Trish apologizes to Jericho before slapping him, turning into EVIL Trish. Christian lays out Jericho and leaves with the girl. Evil Trish was SMOKING hot and we would get to see a lot more of her as this feud continued for months.

Mick Foley talks about the emotion of being back in New York but Rock interrupts him. He says that FINALLY they’re back here and Mick Foley is home. Rock hijacks the camera and finds Rosey and Hurricane eating hamburgers and Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco just hanging out. Rock sends the cameraman into the arena to get a shot of the people but has him come back because it’s Rock N Sock’s night.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

It’s Flair/Orton/Batista here and Orton is Intercontinental Champion. The brawl is on to start with Rock fighting the young guys and Flair getting punched by Foley. Evolution is knocked out to the floor until we start with Rock vs. Flair. Rock immediately elbows him down and does the Flair strut to send Naitch to the floor. A backdrop puts Flair down and they fight to the floor, only to have Ric get caught in another backdrop. Foley drops an elbow off the apron and Evolution is in trouble to start.

Foley wants to come in to face Orton but Randy immediately bails to the floor to great heat. We finally get inside for the fight that people want to see as Foley pounds away and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. Off to Rock who punches Orton in the “stomach” before clotheslining him down for no cover. Ric gets clipped in the back of the head by Flair which draws him into the corner, sending the fight to the floor. Batista drops Rock face first onto the barricade to take over.

Back in and Batista pounds on Rock, dropping him down with an elbow for two. Flair comes in again to chop at Rock before going up with even Lawler making fun of Flair for it never working. Big Dave comes in again to pound on Rock but the Brahma Bull gets over to the corner to bring in Foley. Mick pounds away on Batista and punches him down in the corner, only to be taken down by Batista’s big running clothesline. Foley goes after Orton on the floor but Flair jumps him to stop the comeback.

As is his custom, Flair is sent knees first into the steps, causing some cringing pain. Back in and Orton drops knees on Foley’s head before it’s back to Flair for a hard chop. That’s all for Ric right now and it’s back to Orton for a reverse chinlock. Batista takes Orton’s place and pounds away with rights and lefts, only to be caught in a quick Mandible Claw. Batista escapes but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker. That’s STILL not enough for the hot tag to Rock though, and the crowd continues to want it more and more. A quick right hand to Flair is enough for the tag to Rock though, and the reaction isn’t all that great.

Rock cleans house with everything he can but walks into a spinebuster by Batista. Instead of a cover though, we get the People’s Elbow from Naitch, complete with strut! The elbow doesn’t have a chance to be launched though as Rock nips up and pounds away on Flair with right hands. The spinebuster sets up the real Elbow with Rock strutting for two. Another tag brings in Orton who walks right into a Rock Bottom for two. The big clothesline puts Rock down and there’s the Batista Bomb for good measure.

That gets two for Randy but Rock drops him again, allowing for the tag to Foley and there’s the pop we were waiting for. Evolution is knocked down and there’s the double arm DDT to Orton. Mr. Socko returns but Orton SNAPS off an RKO for the pin out of nowhere. The look of shock on Orton’s face and Foley getting up and three and a half and looking around as if to say “what happened” are great touches.

Rating: B. Very solid match here with all five guys feeling it at Wrestlemania. The ending is perfect and makes Orton look all the better as he got the fall on a fresh Foley with the RKO out of nowhere. This led to a great match at Backlash which cemented Orton as a player. This was also Rock’s last match for seven and a half years. Great match though and well worth checking out for a lesson in how to give a perfect rub.

Foley gets a standing ovation and Rock is just kind of there. Again, they don’t steal the spotlight, making it clear that Evolution is the important group here. Very well done.

We get some clips from the Hall of Fame induction ceremony last night which is the first class inducted in eight years. Heenan wishing Monsoon was there still makes me smile.

Here’s Gene Okerlund to introduce the Hall of Fame class. The class includes Bobby Heenan (good ovation), Tito Santana (should get a bigger ovation), Big John Studd (represented by his son), Harley Race (the pop starts before Gene can even speak), Pete Rose (booed, although I’ve heard he was as humble as you could ask anyone to be), Don Muraco (polite applause), Greg Valentine (bigger ovation than I expected), Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter), Billy Graham (biggest pop so far), Sgt. Slaughter (decent pop) and Jesse Ventura (solid pop). Next year’s class had Hogan in it to give the thing some credibility.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is an evening gown match and the annual Playboy promotional match. Sable and Torrie posed together and had a teased lesbian angle around this time. Sable wants to just wrestle without clothes but Jackie (Gayda, as in the attractive one) says no. Everyone else winds up in lingerie and Jackie is soon stripped too. This is exactly what you would expect: horny announcers, sexual spots, very little wrestling and very little complaining from most fans. Stacy kicks Torrie’s head off for two and it’s back to Jackie. We get the rolling over the referee spot and Torrie rolls up Jackie for the pin. This was what it was.

We hear from some fans who are excited to be here.

Eddie comes in to see Benoit but Benoit doesn’t want to hear about how big of a night this is. Guerrero of course talks about all the pressure on Benoit but Benoit says he believes in himself and that he’s never been more ready. Eddie says Benoit needs to have fire in his eyes and it finally comes out, so Eddie is very happy.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero, Ultimo Dragon, Shannon Moore, Akio, Tajiri, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, Nunzio

This is different from what the Cruiserweight Open would wind up being when it was a free for all. This is basically a gauntlet match with everyone at ringside and two guys starting. It’s elimination rules and last man standing is champion. Chavo comes in defending and gets to come in tenth for no apparent reason. We start with Moore vs. Dragon who fight over a hammerlock. Moore tries to speed things up but gets caught in a standing Sliced Bread for a fast pin. I now remember why I hate gauntlet matches.

Jamie Noble is in next and after avoiding a moonsault, he hooks a neckbreaker and a guillotine choke to put Dragon out. Funaki comes in and gets small packaged for the pin less in about three seconds. Nunzio is in and takes Noble to the mat in a hurry before being sent out to the floor. Noble hits a sweet flip dive off the top to the floor and rams Nunzio into the apron for a countout. Billy Kidman is in next but Nunzio trips him up. Noble heads to the floor as Kidman slides back inside for a Shooting Star off the top to take both guys out.

Back in and Kidman breaks up the guillotine choke and enziguris Noble down. The Shooting Star is broken up but Kidman hits a BK Bomb (D’Lo Brown’s Sky High) for the elimination. Mysterio (as the Flash this year) comes in with a springboard seated senton but gets dropkicked down for two for Kidman. Billy loads up something off the top but gets caught in a sunset bomb for the pin. Mysterio vs. Tajiri now as Rey is caught in the Tarantula. Mysterio will have none of this selling stuff and there’s the 619 but Tajiri kicks him down.

Akio gets on the apron but gets caught in the Green Mist, which means he’s out for no apparent reason (my guess is they’re out of time) so here’s Chavo vs. Mysterio which is what this whole match should have been in the first place. Tajiri gets in a cheap shot on Mysterio and it’s Guerrero in control early. Rey comes back with a headscissors and a baseball slide to Chavo Senior. There’s a big dive onto an old man to pop the crowd (New York is mean!) but as Mysterio comes back in with a sunset flip, Chavo Jr. drops down and has Senior’s help for the pin on Mysterio to retain.

Rating: D. What am I supposed to get into off of this match? The longest fall was maybe two minutes in length and none of them were anything of note. The match should have just been Rey vs. Chavo, but because of the annoying Wrestlemania payday, we need to jam in eight other guys to ruin the match. Also this brings up the universal problem with these matches: if it’s possible to get all these two minute pins, why do matches usually last five times or so as long?

We recap Brock vs. Goldberg which started at the Rumble. Goldberg wasn’t impressed by Lesnar so Brock interfered in the Rumble and tossed Goldberg out. Austin left Goldberg a ticket for No Way Out where Lesnar defended the title against Eddie Guerrero. As you can guess, Goldberg cost him the title and tonight it’s about revenge. Brock blamed Austin for the loss and stole his ATV which Austin got back. Austin is also guest referee tonight to keep the match from falling apart.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

The catch here is that both guys are leaving and the fans know it, so they boo them both out of the building. Goldie gets his full entrance from the back. The fans IMMEDIATELY start chanting YOU SOLD OUT at Lesnar who is going to the NFL after this match. They circle each other and Austin says get to it. Now the fans sing the GOODBYE song with the guys still making zero contact over a minute in. The fans chant for the referee as Goldberg looks at Austin. Still no contact. After nearly THREE MINUTES of circling each other they lock up.

Amusingly enough, Goldberg is said to have an advantage because he’s a mixed martial arts aficionado. They lock up and shove each other away as it’s almost four minutes in without even a punch being thrown. We get a second lockup with the same result. The crowd is booing loudly now. Literally five minutes in Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first actual move of the match. They trade shoulder blocks with no one going anywhere. They collide again with both guys going down and we’re somehow six minutes into this match.

Now they stare at each other as the fans are about to riot. The fans cheer for HOGAN of all people and that’s FINALLY enough to get something going. Goldberg presses him over his head and drops him into a kind of spinebuster for two. The spear misses though and Goldberg hits the buckle chest first. The fans think Goldberg sucks as he is sent into the post. Back in and Brock gets two off a suplex and then hooks a modified headlock. The fans chant for Hogan again.

Back to the same headlock after a brief break before they collide again. Brock gets two as Austin is still a complete non factor. He seems to be the rodeo clown out there to keep everything from falling apart. Well, falling completely apart because we’re long past falling apart. JR is polite and calls this match pedestrian. Goldberg comes back with some clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker of all things as the Hogan chant starts again. There’s the spear for two but Goldie spends too much time arguing with Austin and walks into an F5 for two. Brock tries a spear but misses, so a spear and Jackhammer can finish Brock.

Rating: E. As in embarrassing, which is what this was. Have some pride out there people. I know you’re leaving and the fans don’t care, but man alive have some effort out there. If I was an NFL team and Brock gave that kind of a performance I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. No he doesn’t want to be there but that’s his job until his contract expires. This was embarrassing to watch and they deserve the booing they received. Austin added nothing here but he didn’t really need to.

Post match Brock flips off Austin and gets Stunned for his efforts. Goldberg has a beer and gets Stunned for good measure.

Wrestlemania 21 is in Los Angeles.

Vince actually comes out and thanks the fans for getting us here and hopes they’ll be there in the future. Cool moment there.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

Rikishi and Scotty dance for old times’ sake.

Edge is returning soon.

Jesse Ventura interviews Donald Trump, who is at like his fifth Wrestlemania. Ventura implies they’ll run for the White House together.

Molly Holly (looking GREAT here with the shoulder length dark hair) is excited about her hair vs. title match against Victoria. This can’t end well.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. Eddie, as a former drug addict, has no business being champion according to Kurt. Guerrero is also in WAY over his head because of how good Angle is. Heyman, the Smackdown GM, hates Eddie for no apparent reason on top of that.

Post video, Molly is VERY bald.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking Angle to the mat in a surprising development. Angle sits out and the fans applaud what they see. Angle takes over with a headlock but Eddie reverses into one of his own. A shoulder block puts Eddie down and he isn’t sure what to do from here. Now the champion grabs a headlock followed by three straight shoulders to knock Angle down. Kurt bails to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Eddie takes him down with an armdrag but Angle takes control again with a sweet amateur move into a front facelock. Eddie comes out of it with a series of armdrags into an armbar as the fans applaud again. Guerrero switches over to a keylock but Angle shoves him off and drives a knee into the ribs to take over. Like any good ring general, he follows up on an injured body part with an abdominal stretch.

Eddie rolls out and tries Three Amigos but gets countered into a German instead. Eddie gets thrown to the apron but Angle slides through the ropes and tries the German off the apron but Guerrero escapes because it would, you know, kill him. Back inside and Eddie dropkicks Angle back to the floor as things slow down a bit. Guerrero tries to dive off the top to take Angle out but lands ribs first on the barricade. That’s adding to the story they started with the ribs, making it awesome.

Back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Angle and it’s off to a body vice on the champion. Eddie fights up but gets dropped ribs first on the top rope for two. Angle unleashes the suplexes again with an overhead release belly to belly for no cover. There’s another one for two and it’s back to the body grip. Another belly to belly gets another near fall as Angle is getting frustrated. Angle puts him on the top but gets shoved off as a result. A fast Frog Splash attempt misses though and Eddie’s ribs are in big trouble.

Angle punches Eddie to send Cole into a frenzy because Michael Cole is an authority on ethics all of a sudden. Eddie gets up and says HIT ME AGAIN so Angle does just that. Guerrero grabs a fast suplex for two but Angle escapes a second before rolling the Germans. Eddie counters the second one into a rollup for two but Angle takes Eddie’s head off with a clothesline to stop him again.

The champion escapes the Angle Slam with an armdrag and starts doing his Latino dance. He STILL can’t hit the Three Amigos though as Angle counters into the ankle lock. Eddie kicks him away and dropkicks Kurt down before heading up. Angle pops up again and runs the ropes for the belly to belly, putting both guys down again. Kurt takes the straps down and puts on the ankle lock but Eddie rolls out into a cradle for two.

Another German suplex puts Guerrero down again but the champion counters the Angle Slam into a DDT. Now the Frog Splash hits for a VERY close two. When I watched this the first time I thought that was it. Eddie isn’t sure what to do and gets caught in the ankle lock as a result. He almost taps but manages to swing Angle out to the floor. Eddie unlaces his boot with Kurt down on the floor to relieve some pressure. Guerrero crawls away as Kurt gets back in and lets him pick the ankle. Eddie kicks Angle away, losing his boot in the process. Angle is confused and Eddie small packages him to retain in a brilliant move.

Rating: A. Great match here with the psychology flowing freely. Eddie was BRILLIANT out there as he had finally took it away from the wrestling game and got Angle out of his comfort zone. The dueling rolling suplexes were a great touch too as neither guy could hit them but it was a battle to try. Great match and well worth checking out.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Other than their huge history dating back over six years, Kane had helped literally bury Undertaker at Survivor Series in a buried alive match. At Wrestlemania, the gong went off to scare Undertaker and he’s back tonight as the Dead Man for the first time in four and a half years.

Kane vs. Undertaker

The visual on Kane’s entrance is really cool as the set is designed to look like New York City and it has fire all over it as Kane comes out. Sweet. The lights go out and we get Paul Bear’s Ooooooooooooooooooooooh YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. Since this is Wrestlemania, we get druids, smoke, and torches. Now we get thunder and lightning and a gong, which gives us the Undertaker. He has shorter hair now which would be his look for the next eight years or so. The entrance, as always, is excellent.

Kane shouts that Undertaker isn’t real and reaches out to touch him, earning the right hands from Undertaker. Undertaker calls for the chokeslam but Kane runs out to the floor. Taker is fine with that and the brawl heads to the floor with the Dead Man in full control. There’s the apron legdrop and we head back inside for a running clothesline in the corner. All Undertaker so far as JR actually tries to push this as a brand vs. brand match. Taker loads up the Last Ride but gets backdropped into the ropes in an awkward looking spot.

Kane chokes away on the mat and talks trash about telling Undertaker to not come back. Undertaker comes back with rights and lefts, only to walk into the side slam. The top rope clothesline crushes Undertaker for a close two. Kane misses a charge in the corner and there’s a big boot to put Kane down. Taker follows it up with a legdrop (BROTHER) and Old School for good measure. Scratch that actually as Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam. Kane laughs maniacally but Taker sits up to a BIG ovation. The Taker chokeslam and tombstone make Taker I believe 12-0.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match sucked but this was all about the moment and making it clear that Undertaker was back. That worked like a charm here and the match worked quite well for what it was supposed to be. This would of course lead to Paul Bearer being locked in a tomb made of concrete. You don’t see the connection?

We recap the main event. HHH is world champion because he’s HHH, Benoit won the Rumble and switched brands, and Shawn is here because he’s a whiny little man that can’t accept that he didn’t win at the Rumble. Therefore he superkicked Benoit and signed Benoit’s contract, which apparently you can just do and have it be legally binding. The solution was to make a triple threat match because that’s what WWE does.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH (and his big white boots) bail to the floor as the other two chop it out. They head to the mat with Benoit bridging up into a backslide attempt but Shawn blocks. The Crossface doesn’t work but Benoit gets two off a northern lights suplex. The Game comes back in to take over and he slugs both guys down. Shawn is thrown over the top rope for some skinning of the cat but comes back in to pound away at the champion in the corner.

The high knee takes Shawn down for two and a less high knee puts Benoit on the floor. Benoit has his back rammed into the barricade but Shawn baseball slides both of them onto the concrete. That is followed up by a big moonsault to the floor to take out all three guys and wow the crowd a bit. Shawn and HHH go back inside but Benoit has to come in with a clothesline to break up a Pedigree. Shawn goes shoulder first into the post at the hands of the Canadian but HHH ties Benoit up in the Tree of Woe.

Michaels whips HHH into Benoit and rolls up the champion for two before nipping up, only to be clotheslined out to the floor by Benoit. Chris rolls some Germans on the champion but Shawn comes back to break up the Swan Dive. HHH DDTs Shawn down and superplexes Benoit for a pair of two’s. Benoit gets a weak Crossface on HHH but Michaels makes the save. Now Shawn tries to roll Germans on Benoit but you can’t do that to a Canadian (without being Kurt Angle of course), and Benoit reverses into Germans of his own on Shawn.

The Swan Dive hits Shawn for two as HHH makes another save. HHH low bridges Benoit to the floor and it’s time for DX to fight again. Shawn drops the top rope elbow on HHH and there’s Sweet Chin Music for good measure but it only gets two. Benoit makes the save and it’s time to chop a Canadian. Michaels has to fight off the Sharpshooter but can’t avoid a catapult into the post. There’s the Crossface on Shawn but HHH grabs Shawn’s hand to prevent tapping. That catapult into the post busted Shawn open too.

Out to the floor they go with HHH whipping Benoit into the steps to put him down. HHH loads up the announce table but Benoit fights him onto said table. Benoit fights out of a Pedigree attempt but here’s Shawn on the table as well. A double suplex/slam sends Benoit flying through a table and it’s down to one on one for all intents and purposes. HHH pounds away on Shawn in the corner but gets backdropped out to the floor, taking out the referee in the process. Shawn sends him into the post to bust the champion open too.

Back in and HHH hits a Pedigree out of nowhere but he’s too exhausted to cover. Eventually he does but Benoit pops in to break it up at the last second. Shawn falls out to the floor as Benoit chops the champion. The Pedigree is countered into the Sharpshooter but Shawn comes back in with Sweet Chin Music to break it up, but only for two. Michaels tunes up the band again but misses the superkick and gets backdropped to the floor. Benoit hooks the Crossface on HHH and holds onto it even as Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring until HHH taps out, giving Benoit the world title.

Rating: A+. I can’t stand triple threat matches but this is a masterpiece. They were so crisp with everything and while Shawn didn’t need to be there at all, it was still an excellent match. Benoit winning was the absolutely right decision (and would have been the year before as well) but it was the feel good moment they needed.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with his friend as confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show really does hold up quite well. It’s not a masterpiece or anything but the two world title matches are must see. Unfortunately that’s about all that’s must see as this over four hour long show (yes, OVER FOUR HOURS) is in need of some trimming (the tag titles would be a great place to start) but it’s still a solid show. The ending scene is hard to watch as the two crumbled under the pressure and ultimately would be gone less than four years later. Still though, the first moment was excellent.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D

Redo: D

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: B

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+

Redo: D

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F

Redo: E

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D

Redo: D

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A

Redo: A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

That’s as close to identical as you’re going to get.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/27/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-20-where-it-all-begins-again-with-two-dead-guys/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Today we’re looking at someone a bit curvier in Maryse.

After a few years in developmental, Maryse debuted on the main roster in 2008. Here she is at Unforgiven.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Michelle is champion. Michelle as a face just never worked. She’s such a natural villain and her pumping her fist doesn’t work at all. She hurts her knee going to the floor and Maryse works on it as we’re waiting for the people to get back from popcorn time to end this. Michelle works on Maryse’s leg in a heel hook but she gets a rope. The fans are all over this match already. A sitout gordbuster keeps the title on McCool.

Rating: D-. Michelle and Maryse are too hot to be a failure but the match was terrible. NO ONE cared and that was very clear. Nothing to see here and we’re moving on. Why this got almost six minutes was crazy but I’d assume that it was due to a long line at the Cena shirt booths. Horrible match.

Time for a TV match on Smackdown, September 19, 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Maryse

Michelle is defending here and is still just the perky blonde. The title is brand new here too. Michelle takes her down to the mat with a front facelock but Maryse takes over with a headlock. McCool speeds things up and frustrates Maryse who can’t keep up with the champ. Maryse heads to the floor but she trips Michelle up and takes over.

A slingshot dropkick puts Michelle down and Maryse pounds away, only to get rolled up for two. Maryse cranks on a chinlock but McCool uses her height to get back out. Things speed up and a running flipping neckbreaker gets two for the champ. Maryse misses a charge into the corner and McCool hits Christopher Daniels’ Angel’s Wings to retain.

Rating: C-. It’s absolutely amazing how much more interesting a match like this is than the Divas of today. The main difference is that the girls here are athletes who use their athletic abilities in a wrestling ring. Today, we have girls who are mostly models who get some bare bones wrestling training but they look good in shorts. McCool, a chick who had only been wrestling full time for a few years at this point, looked more comfortable than Kelly EVER looked in her entire career. That’s a big reason why the Divas just stopped being interesting at all.

Off to Armageddon 2008 for the main thing the Divas are known for.

Maria/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool vs. Maryse/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Natalya

Santa’s Little Helper’s match here. The heels are in green and are elves I guess. Maria’s song is really catchy. I miss Michelle. Mickie vs. Maryse starts us off. Mickie keeps going after her and Maryse tries to pose. Off to Mickie vs. Natalya in the real fight here. Nattie is pretty new at this point. Kelly is Jewish and Striker calls her the Hot Hebrew. That sounds like a really bad coffee shop. The announcers are having a fun time with this. The match is totally pointless of course and it’s off to Maria. Somehow she gets compared to John Berzerker Nord. Everything breaks down and Michelle hits the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to end Maryse.

Rating: C+. Don’t bother trying to figure out if the rating is good because it isn’t, but there was a weird energy for this one and I had fun with it. Also Michelle in shorts and Maria with her energetic perkiness are never bad things. The girls looks hot and everyone was having fun in a nice breath of air before the main events. What more can you ask for?

We’ll jump ahead a bit to Night of Champions 2009.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

This is a rematch from The Bash which was brought on by some bad acting. Michelle’s bra is sticking WAY out here. Melina gyrates like no one I’ve ever seen. Michelle is the first person to use her freaking brain and kicks Melina on her splits intro. And there’s your first botch as they mess up an arm drag. We get some kicks that don’t actually connect as I have a bad feeling about this match.

We hit the floor and are told that a slam of the face into the barricade is a DDT. Riiiiiiiight. Melina is laying on the apron and in a coole counter she pulls up onto the bottom rope to avoid a baseball slide. They’re hitting hard but at the same time, they’re botching the hell out of so many things. Michelle reverses a rollup into a rollup for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D. They were trying but this was just a mess and a half. They were botching stuff left and right with there being little flow or psychology at all. Michelle has gotten better which to be fair she couldn’t have gotten much worse. This was really bad as the two of them just do not have the chemistry.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Gail Kim is incorrectly called a two time Womens’ Champion. Gail slides to the corner to avoid a charge from the blonde and gets two off a bulldog. Maryse comes back with a kick to the face for two of her own but gets rolled up for another near fall. Kim goes up top but completely misses a top rope cross body to put both girls down. A victory roll doesn’t work for Gail and a quick DDT gives Maryse the title. This was nothing.

She even made it onto Wrestlemania XXVI.

Laycool/Vickie Guerrero/Maryse/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Mickie James/Gail Kim

Beth is in white here and man alive it REALLY works for her. She’s also a face here which is really rare. Vickie and Gail start with Kim getting shoved backwards. Vickie poses and when she turns around, it’s Beth. All the good girls take their turns on Vickie in the corner so she shouts at them. Michelle breaks up a pin by Kelly and we already begin the parade of finishers (Gail totally botches Eat Defeat), culminating with Beth ENDING Fox with the Glam Slam. Michelle saves Vickie from Beth with a big boot before putting Vickie on the top rope. The “Hog Splash” is enough to pin Kelly.

Rating: D. Laycool and Beth looked GREAT out there so it doesn’t fail for them. No one else was in there long enough to make much of an impression, but again it’s amazing how much better the Divas are at this point. They have personalities and actual emotions instead of just staring at cue cards and botching everything they do.

From Over the Limit 2010.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Eve Torres

This is better than I’d expect it to be actually. This has gotten some great build over the past few weeks and due to a lack of matches they have to give it a lot of time. Maryse randomly starts crying for no adequately explained reason. We actually get some near falls. Eve hits some screwed up face plant into a rollup for the pin. Cole, Striker and Lawler make jokes about Eve and just lose it on commentary.

Rating: C-. For what you had to work with here and given what Divas matches tend to be, this was actually decent. I tend to start most Divas matches at a D or so, meaning this was pretty good. There was some actual drama and Eve won with a nice finisher. Solid little match.

From shortly thereafter at Fatal Fourway.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Eve Torres

Eve is in blue again so I can’t complain at all. Everyone is in this at once which does little to get my hopes up on this. Yeah I don’t care at all about this. Everyone goes for submissions at once but everyone breaks them up to play up the whole fatal aspect of this. The ropes can’t be used for breaks apparently.

I’d bet that’ll be compromised about a million times here. Eve hooks a camel clutch and Gail gets a Boston Crab on Alicia at the same time. Maryse runs her mouth off and Alicia blasts her. Gail hits a dropkick which Striker of course calls a Jumping Bomb Angel Double Stomp. I hate him at times. Eve hits a very fast neckbreaker on Maryse and doesn’t cover, instead hitting a bad moonsault. And Alicia Fox wins the title by stealing the pin on Maryse. Oh dear.

Rating: D. Seriously, are we supposed to care about Alicia Fox? She’s been on TV like once this year and is now the champion. I don’t get the appeal of her at all, but I guess someone does. I still don’t care about the division at all, but it needs to be merged with the other one to help it survive.

Maryse was on NXT Season 3, including October 26, 2010.

Maryse/Ted DiBiase vs. Goldust/Aksana

Aksana does look sexy in red. I’ll give her that. And just as the bell rings the video freezes. Ah there we go. The girls start us off. They yell at each other and Cole says his producer told him that if they’re talking let us hear them. AMEN! Maryse knocks off the horns and rips off the tail so now Aksana is just in a skin tight red suit. I’m sold.

It’s a mixed tag so the men have to fight each other. Of course we’re just talking about the wedding here which I guess makes sense here. We head to the floor with DiBiase being all ticked off. Why doesn’t he just grab the belt and run if that’s why he’s here? Maryse helps her man as Aksana plays cheerleader.

Goldust plays Ricky Morton for like a minute until the girls come in. The guys go to the floor and Aksana gets a small package out of nowhere for the pin. Is that her first win? DiBiase goes for the belt but Aksana slaps him and gets it back. The good people get away with it, proving that faces can get away with anything. Ventura and Heenan were right all along! Match ran about 6:30.

Rating: C. Not terrible and fine for a TV main event on a show like this one. This wasn’t your standard match where the guys did the majority of the work and the girls were in there for like 10 seconds. The girls were fairly decent out there which is surprising to me. Not a classic or anything but it did what it was supposed to do and didn’t seem that long.

Here’s a quick TV match from Smackdown on February 18, 2011.

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix vs. Layla/Maryse

After the faces enter we take a break and get a clip of the first regular episode of Smackdown (remember that there was a pilot about four months earlier) from August of 99. Michelle has a bad foot so is out for awhile. Beth vs. Maryse to start. Michelle is on commentary and wants to know why Eve is the Divas Champion when Michelle got a pin also.

Off to Layla vs. Eve with the champion dominating. Michelle seems a bit irritated by Layla here as we continue to push the split. Eve fires away with kicks and Michelle gets off commentary. She limps up the steps and gets in the face of Layla. Beth hits her in the foot to bring her down. In the confusion, Layla and Maryse hit what I think was supposed to be a double superkick so that Layla can pin Eve at 2:27. No rating as this was mainly Layla vs. Eve but this was no worse than your usual Divas match.

We’ll wrap it up on Raw, July 25, 2011.

Maryse/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres

At least they all look good. Eve and Maryse start and Eve hits a downward spiral and then dances before trying a standing moonsault for two. Maryse gives her a Stinkface and Kelly comes in. Everything breaks down and Melina misses a charge, allowing the K2 to end it at 2:51. Thank goodness I don’t have to rate it. Match was AWFUL but the girls looked good.

So yeah, Maryse is the definition of a blonde bombshell and that’s all she needed to be. She could have passable matches but she was around to make everyone jealous and do that cool thing with her hand. At the end of the day though, Miz goes home to her every night in one of the most appropriate pairings ever. Maryse was around at a time when you only had to look good and be able to have a decent match to be a top Diva and that’s about as far as she got.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Time for someone a little easier on the eyes: Velvet Sky.

Velvet got her start as Talia Madison back in 2003. Here’s a rarity from Heat on July 17, 2005.

Talia vs. Victoria

Yeah there actually used to be Diva squash matches. Lillian calls Talia Ta-Lee-Uh. Talia jumps over her to start and snapmares her down for two. A handshake earns Talia a headbutt and a hair toss across the ring. Off to a chinlock on Talia before she fights up (and loses some of her pants) and nails a high cross body, only to have Victoria rolls through for two. Victoria powerbombs her out of the corner for two but the Widow’s Peak is enough for the pin.

It’s off to TNA in 2007 and we’ll pick things up at Turning Point 2007.

Roxxi Leveaux/ODB vs. Velvet-Love Entertainment

Velvet-Love is of course the Beautiful People and this is their debut match as a team. They’re nice here. Well I think they are at least. Velvet looks totally different here and not in a good way. She’s still hot but nothing compared to what she would become. Velvet vs. Roxxi starts us off but Velvet is scared so here’s Angelina instead. ODB comes in and spanks her so Velvet rides her around. We’re in a comedy match as ODB wants the referee to spank her.

Roxxi beats on Velvet for a bit and it’s off to ODB again. She stands on Velvet’s crotch and this match needs to end quickly. Now we get a series of spots based around ODB’s crotch. Sky escapes and it’s the not as hot as my partner tag to Love. Everything breaks down and a combination bicycle kick/Russian legsweep beats Roxxi.

Rating: F. Velvet looks a lot less hot with long hair and with a lack of makeup. On top of that, this was a “comedy” match but it wasn’t funny. Don’t you love it when that’s what winds up happening in these things? I still don’t get the appeal of ODB at all, but she keeps getting signed for some reason along with Jackie.

Another six Knockouts tag at Slammiversary 2008.

ODB/Roxie/Gail Kim vs. Beautiful People/Moose

Moose is a chick that is almost as tough as Kong and is the mascot of the Beautiful People. She broke her leg in a hardcore match in an indy company and hasn’t been seen in TNA since. The Beautiful People leave Moose in the ring and she gets triple teamed. Roxie has the really short haircut here due to losing a match at Sacrifice. Gail and Moose officially start us off.

And make that Roxie as everything breaks down quickly. The Beautiful People try to leave but Gail and ODB don’t let them. Moose gets a flapjack for two. Off to Velvet who likes being on top of Roxie. The heels take over on Roxie and Moose hits a bad looking TKO for two. Velvet puts on an Octopus Hold and bites the hand at the same time. Hot tag to Gail who cleans house, putting all three chicks down and hitting a top rope cross body on Velvet for two.

Angelina takes out Kim’s bad knee and the heels take over again. They must have some time to work with here. Love works over the knee and my goodness we have psychology in a match involving breasts. Edit: breasts that don’t belong to Joe. They really are better than the Divas. Half crab goes on for a bit to work on the leg more. Moose comes in for a bridging Indian deathlock as Gail is in trouble.

There’s a Brock Lock (over the shoulder leg bar) but Gail gets the rope again. The referee is in a bowtie and shorts. That’s quite a look. Gail finally breaks free and there’s ODB off a tag. Thesz Press gets two on Moose and it breaks down again. ODB picks Moose up and hits a British Bulldog style powerslam for the pin.

Rating: C+. I liked this and the knee work was a nice touch. Gail has a bad knee coming in and the announcers pointed it out so it’s not like it was hard to miss. Little things like that one can add up a lot of points in a match and this is a good example of it. That made sense for the heels to go after and they did, showing some thinking which is a big part of psychology.

Same idea again at Final Resolution December 2008. Yeah there were two Final Resolutions in 2008.

ODB/Taylor Wilde/Roxxi vs. Beautiful People/Sharmell

If the heels win the Beautiful People get Booker’s locker room. Is there a reason why Cute Kip had to mess the entrance up? I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of ODB, but then again I don’t think anyone else really did either. This is back when Wilde was still definitively hot so at least there’s that going for this match. ODB cleans house to start as we need a heel here.

Angelina vs. Roxxi starts us off officially. And so much for the match as we need to talk about Mafia vs. Frontline. Joe isn’t trustworthy apparently. I’m stunned too. Roxxi cleans house as it’s more or less the dominant ones vs. the not dominant ones. The Beautiful People go down so it’s up to Sharmell now. Kip comes in instead so it’s him vs. ODB for a second until the Beautiful People are back up again.

This has been going about three minutes and it already needs to end quickly. The heels take over for a bit and Sharmell does the standard heel thing of only coming in when her rival if you can call ODB that is down. Wilde comes in and this continues to be completely uninteresting.

Everything goes nuts again and Sharmell, like an idiot, goes after ODB when she’s not dead and I think you know what’s coming here. Kip of course comes in for the save and that gets us nowhere as ODB chases Sharmell away. Yes, the whole point of the match was that beatdown and it never even happens. Wilde rolls through a cross body by Angelina to get the pin.

Rating: D-. This was boring as all goodness and the ending went completely against the story which I’d assume would be settled on Impact. Instead of having the match be about revenge it became about possession of a locker room. That makes perfect sense doesn’t it? It is TNA after all.

Four in a row at Destination X 2009.

Beautiful People vs. Roxxi/Taylor Wilde/The Governor

Yes, the Governor is the Sarah Palin character that Daffney played. What is up with TNA being all political? There are still three Beautiful People at this point: Angelina, Velvet and Madison. At least Wilde looks good here. Governor (in a pantsuit) vs. Velvet to start. The fans chant yes we can because the Orlando fans are rather annoying.

Off to Roxxi and then to Taylor. The non-beautiful ones are tagging in really fast here. Apparently Madison is just now an official member of the BP. Velvet locks in an Octopus Hold to Roxxi who escapes and kicks her in the face. Sign: “Botchmania 71 = this match.” It’s pretty clear the fans aren’t that into this but that’s to be expected.

It’s one of those matches where stuff is happening but there isn’t anything to talk about. Taylor is called the upset queen still despite that being like two years prior to this. Taylor comes in and cleans house as this is one of the least interesting matches I’ve seen in years. Everything breaks down and the Governor dives over the top to the floor to take out everyone not named Madison on the other team. Madison gets caught in a bridging German by Wilde to end this.

Rating: D. What the heck was the point of this? You hear the term “TV match” a lot and this is the definition of one. Nothing at all about this match implies that it should be on a PPV in the slightest and yet here it is, opening the show. You can tell a lot about a PPV and how much effort is put into it by the opener and this one was awful. No one cared, nothing happened and it was short. Weak match indeed and I’m not looking forward to the rest of this show at all now.

Six Knockouts tag #5 at Turning Point 2009.

Knockout Title/Knockout Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. ODB/Taylor Wilde/Sarita

All titles on the line here and the non-beautiful people are champions. No word on how the titles are split up if one of the three pins a tag champion (Wilde/Sarita). You know I wonder what ODB stands for. I think I’ll see what I can come up with (and spare me the comments saying what it stands for. I know already and I need something to get me through this match). The Beautiful People here are Velvet, Lacey and Madison here. Velvet vs. Wilde to start us off but it’s off to Sarita quickly. Ok make that Department of Bacon. We’re less than a minute in and they’ve all been in already.

Headbutt to the ribs gets two for Date of Birth. Madison comes in and does the touch yourself and burn your finger thing. Instead here though she has to go over to the corner and has Velvet blow on it. I guess men and women both want to be blown by her. The delay allows Original Daniel Bryan to bring in Sarita to fight Madison. The tag champions set up a double team moonsault (belly to back release into a moonsault by Taylor) for two.

Madison takes over and it’s off to Madison. After mounting Wilde she throws on a chinlock for about 2 seconds and hammers away a bit more. The fans say Lacey can’t wrestle so we’re back off to Velvet. Octopus hold goes on for a few seconds so the announcers can make Inoki jokes. An elbow breaks the hold and it’s cold tag to Board of Directors. After a fallaway slam to Velvet everything breaks down. They triple team Operation Break Dance which fails completely. TKO ends Madison.

Rating: D. Weak match here that had no point at all being on the PPV. This is what Impact is for: six minute matches with hot women doing nothing of note for the entire match. Also, is there a reason to keep the titles on there? Oxford Dictionary of Britain doesn’t get us anywhere as champion. Angelina would be back soon which helped the division a lot. Anyway, weak match.

Regular tag at Lockdown 2010.

Knockout’s Title/Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. Tara/Angelina Love

Ok so it’s your standard two singles wrestlers vs. tag champions. You know the rules I’m sure. Yep Tara is gorgeous. Velvet and Angelina start us off. Taz is rather annoying on commentary to say the least. Some nice double teaming from the BP there. Make jokes amongst yourselves. Tara pulls an Angle and totally misses a moonsault. Good to see that the accuracy is there still.

Angel is better in the ring than she’s given credit for. Madison takes the Widow’s Peak but Velvet makes the save. Lacey gets in somehow and drills Tara in the head with a belt to give Madison Rayne the Knockout’s Title. So that’s two straight title changes with the champion not getting pinned. Ok then. I do love the BP being the focus of the division. That’s intelligent and not sarcastic actually.

Rating: C-. Not terrible actually. Love is underrated in the ring and Tara is always solid. The booking is right here and we don’t get the wacky tag partners which is never any good. I’m rather happy for the first near hour of this show. I must be coming down with something. They need to stop putting all of the titles on the line in one match though. Spread that stuff out if they’re so important to you.

We actually have a singles match! From No Surrender 2008.

Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky

Madison in leather is something I could get used to. Tara interferes almost immediately as Rayne goes for the head of Sky to start.. Knees to the crotch of Madison makes Taz wonder if that would hurt.

Are there any Knockouts other than the BP and Tara? If there are they never appear on TV. Tara goes for the helmet but Love makes the save. And then Velvet just gets a DDT to get the win. It was as abrupt as it sounds.

Rating: D. This just didn’t do it for me. It was on the exact level as a Divas match with very little wrestling but then again who cares about that when you have someone like her? That was only half sarcasm mind you. The division has more or less died over this year and it didn’t get any better here. Pretty bad match.

Off to Impact on November 4, 2010.

Sarita vs. Velvet Sky

Sarita continues to be incredibly sexy though Velvet is of course no slouch either. This is about the six girl match last week. Ok that makes sense. Decent little rana by Sky gets no cover as we head to the mat. And let’s talk about Bischoff now. WEAK chops in the corner by the Beautiful one. DDT is blocked by Sarita as the fans finally wake up a bit for a bad clothesline from the Mexicanadian. This is rather sloppy.

We touch on Lacey training Tessmacher as nothing special is happening at all here. Tenay and Taz complain about even more stuff which I didn’t think was possible. I get that the match sucks but could they try a bit harder at least? Another DDT is blocked and Velvet is sent to the floor. Tiger Bomb by Sarita gets the pin.

Rating: D. Weak match here with all kinds of sloppiness. Naturally the announcers said nothing of note at all other than some very basic play by play. This at least had some continuity in there but there wasn’t much going on at all. Sarita is at least a fresh heel out there which is something the division was dying for. This was rather bad though.

And again on Impact, June 16, 2011 for another title match.

Knockout Tag Titles: Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher vs. Sarita/Rosita

Sarita and Velvet start us off. Mexican America has been sent to the back apparently. Velvet sends her flying and it’s off to Rosita and Tessmacher. The challengers dominate for awhile so it’s off to Sarita again. This is your standard Knockouts match, in that they’re nice to look at but at the same time it’s a lot of yelling and not much on the wrestling. Tessmacher looks incredible in those little shorts but she can’t wrestle that well at all. Everything breaks down but as the challengers want a double suplex, here’s ODB to distract Velvet. The champs double team Tessmacher and a flip splash by Rosita gets the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Nothing of note at all here as the whole thing was just to set up more ODB vs. Velvet which is nothing interesting in the slightest. The girls aren’t incredibly good in the ring but they’re trying at least. They needed someone in there to anchor this match and it hurt things a lot.

For the other title at Bound For Glory 2011.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky vs. Winter vs. Mickie James

Winter, a kind of lesbian vampire who might be sleeping with Angelina, is defending. No real story here other than a bunch of qualifying matches put together by Knockouts Boss Karen Jarrett. Karen is refereeing here too. We have tags again here so it’s Mickie vs. Winter to get things going. The champ grabs an armbar to start before James comes out of the corner with a headscissors and neckbreaker for two.

Madison comes in with what looks like a handkerchief to Mickie’s face as Karen keeps screeching. Velvet comes in with some facebusters to Madison but Karen is busy tying her shoe. Everything breaks down for a second as Madison and Winter get in an argument. Karen tells the two of them to go fight Mickie and Velvet so we have a double tag. Mickie suplexes Velvet but Karen won’t tag to reenforce what we already knew.

The girls get frustrated at the refereeing before slugging it out. Winter and Madison trip them to the floor, earning them a beating back inside. The champ cleans house until Mickie comes in to take her out. Jarrett yells even more so Winter sprays her blood in Karen’s eyes. The MickieDT plants Winter as Traci comes out to take over. Velvet hits In Yo Face on Madison for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. This was REALLY annoying as there was almost no structure or flow to it. Most of the match was spent on Karen, meaning the big moment of Velvet finally winning the title barely meant anything. The wrestling didn’t get any focus because the whole thing was about the annoying referee. I understand that was the point back in the day, but it really doesn’t hold up.

Throw the girls in a cage! From Lockdown 2012.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

No pigeons again and Tazz is upset. Her outfit is different this week as it’s more like a skirt. Madison comes out with Gail. Velvet grabs a fast rollup for two but Gail hits her in the back to take over. Velvet fires off some shots but Gail knocks her back, hitting a missile dropkick for two. More back work in the form of a backbreaker with the bending over the knee by Gail before she moves on to a knee lock, bending it around her own head.

Gail hooks something like a dragon sleeper which is countered by a jawbreaker. She misses a charge in the corner but Velvet is down too. Flying headscissors puts Gail down but she pops up to try and climb out. Velvet follows her up for some knees on the top rope. She looks for In Yo Face but settles for a sunset bomb for two instead. Madison starts yelling at Velvet as Gail tries to escape. Sky notices and tries an O’Connor Roll which is reversed into a rollup by Gail with tights for the pin at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match ever but they’re not doing anything to help this already bad crowd. Gail keeps the title here, which I can live with because there was very little build for Velvet, but they need someone to breathe some life into this division. Gail and Madison has been played but it didn’t get mentioned at all here for the most part.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to Impact on February 21, 2013.

Knockouts Title: Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tara is defending and this is under elimination rules. Brooke Hogan gets to be ringside because what would a segment be without her? The bell will be after this break. Jesse is ejected by Brooke and we’re ready to go. We get a bunch of quick rollup attempts but no pins early on. Tessmacher tries a victory roll on Tara but gets caught in an electric chair to send her out to the floor. Things settle down a bit and Tara hits the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Sky, only to have the pin broken up by Gail. Why would she do that?

Now Tara and Gail go at it but Gail is sent to the floor for a bulldog from Tessmacher. Velvet and Tessmacher ping pong the champion back and forth with punches but Tara fights back. A moonsault hits Tessmacher but Velvet grabs Tara and hits In Yo Face, only to be broken up by Gail. Kim steals the pin on Tara to eliminate her, guaranteeing us a new champion.

Tessmacher hits a kind of spinning neckbreaker on Gail but goes up and gets crotched. Gail loads up a superplex put Velvet adds a powerbomb to make it a Tower of Doom. Velvet covers both opponents for two so she tries In Yo Face on Gail. Tessmacher tries to roll up Sky but Velvet rolls through it and covers Tessmacher for the elimination. We’re down to Velvet vs. Gail.

Sky pounds away to start but misses a dropkick to stop her momentum cold. Kim tries a cover but gets caught grabbing the ropes like a good villain should. Some shoulders in the corner miss and Velvet grabs a pretty sloppy sunset flip for two. In Yo Face hits this time and Velvet wins the title at 8:35.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but at the end of the day, what difference does this really make? Velvet is another person that happens to hold the title now. She’ll probably hold it for about three months before dropping it back to Tara or Gail and the cycle starts all over again. That’s the problem with the women’s divisions in both companies: they’ve been going around in circles for years.

Here’a non-cage match at Lockdown 2013.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is defending. Feeling out process to start until the champion hooks a flying headscissors to put Gail down. A neckbreaker gets two for Velvet and she sends Gail to the floor. Back inside Kim gets a quick rollup for two and there’s a running shoulder to the champion’s ribs. Gail gets her in a fireman’s carry and slams her down for two before arguing with referee Terryn Terell. An attempt at a headscissors out of the corner is easily countered by Velvet into a mat slam for no cover.

Some clotheslines and elbows put Kim down again as does a bulldog. A reverse DDT gets two for Velvet and Gail is staggered. As she gets up she grabs Terell, allowing Gail to hit Eat Defeat for two. Gail shoves Terryn in the corner before slapping her, begging to be disqualified. Instead Terryn spears Gail down and beats her up, allowing Velvet to hit In Yo Face for the pin at 7:38.

Rating: D. I do not like women’s wrestling. Terrell looks GREAT in the little black shorts and that’s all I’ve got here. Oh and Gail Kim is perhaps the least interesting human being on the face of this planet. Therefore, let’s make sure to push her to the freaking moon and back for years on end.

Off to One Night Only at Joker’s Wild II.

Lei’D Tapa/Gail Kim/Alpha Female vs. Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/ODB

Just a filler here in an elimination match. Tapa imitates Velvet’s entrance to a ton of booing but Velvet calms the people down by doing it again. Sky charges at Tapa but is lifted in the air for a choke. Off to Gail for a clothesline but she gets caught by Madison’s mat humper. Gail spanks Tapa for some reason and yells at her for not having her back. The announcers talk about having spotted dick at lunch today and the match just keeps going.

Alpha comes in for a slam and some forearms to Madison’s chest. She misses a bad looking splash though and it’s back to Velvet who finally knocks Alpha down. Madison and Gail fight to the floor as Velvet bulldogs Alpha down. Chris Sabin comes out to distract the referee though and gets in an argument with Velvet. Sky low bridges him to the floor, kicks Alpha in the head and hits In Yo Face for the elimination.

Gail rolls Velvet up for a fast pin but the referee is with Sabin and misses Madison spearing Gail down. Tapa runs Madison over for an easy pin and we’re down to Gail/Tapa vs. ODB. The numbers game quickly catch up to her but Gail wants to get the glory. Tapa gets tired of it and shoves Gail into a rollup to get us down to one on one. Gail nails Tapa and ODB hits the Bam for the final pin.

Rating: D. There was no reason at all for this to be elimination rules. There were a few too many things going on here but they still could have wrapped the whole thing up in a single fall. It also doesn’t help that all of these stories have already been wrapped up two months before this show aired.

We’ll wrap things up with the newly reformed Beautiful People and their new boyfriends the BroMans on Impact, September 10, 2014.

BroMans/Velvet Sky vs. Menagerie

The BroMans now have the Beautiful People with them. The Freak is on the floor for this one. Steeve chases Robbie around to start and it’s quickly off to Jesse. Knux comes in with a cartwheel and a big slam before it’s back to Steeve. Robbie gets in a right hand on the floor as DJZ is running around like a crazy man.

Velvet comes in for some slaps before it’s back to Jesse who immediately tags Robbie. Rebel comes in to face Velvet but the BroMans break up a sunset flip attempt. Knux runs both of them over with a cross body, leaving Steeve against Velvet. Sky gets kissed and Steeve dives onto all three BroMans. Rebel slams her down but gets distracted by Angelina, allowing Velvet to roll her up with a handful of trunks for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: D. I’m in the minority but I actually like the Menagerie. Steeve continues to be worthless but at least Knux is good and Rebel is gorgeous. The BroMans hooking up with the Beautiful People is a decent enough idea and will probably lead to some decent jokes down the line. The wrestling wasn’t great but the expectations for this weren’t exactly high coming in.

Velvet Sky is a simple formula: a good looking woman in tight outfits who can wrestle a decent enough match. Her matches aren’t all that great but it’s not like that was ever the purpose in the first place. TNA tried to make it out to be a big deal when she won the Knockouts Title but it didn’t really work out all that well. Still though, she’s nice to look at and that’s the point of women’s wrestling more often than not.

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Time for a gorgeous leggy blonde in Stacy Keibler.

Stacy Keibler got her start in 2000 as Nitro Girl Sky. She would become Miss Hancock, the sexy corporate character who wore incredibly short skirts and often took her hair down to dance. Sometimes she even got in the ring, including this match on Nitro, June 5, 2000.

Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock vs. Kimberly Page/Mike Awesome

This is part of the selfish Kimberly phase where she hated Page for stealing the spotlight. For some reason Kimberly is shocked at Page being Hancock’s partner. Page even offers a little kick to Kimberly’s trunks before the girls get going. With a dance off of course. Hancock throws her glasses to Page but Kimberly shoves her down. Hancock is wrestling in heels and actually takes her down, only to have to slap Awesome.

It’s off to the guys with DDP nailing a discus lariat and getting two off a sunset flip. A low blow slows Page down and a running clothesline in the corner has him in even more trouble. That’s fine with Page who hammers away in the corner but eats an elbow to the jaw. It’s already table time but Mike leaves it on the floor so he can hit the Awesome Splash for two. Hancock gets on the table and pulls up the skirt, allowing Page to hit the Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: D. Expect to hear this a lot, but Hancock was there for her looks and not much else. They let the guys do most of the work here like they should have and gave us the fan service with Hancock getting on the table. She was twenty years old here so what do you think she’s doing out there?

Hancock would be on PPV soon after this at Bash at the Beach 2000 in a wedding gown match. It might be better if you don’t know the backstory here.

Miss Hancock vs. Daffney

Naturally Stacy looks gorgeous. This wound up going to a pregnancy angle where there was supposed to be incest of some kind, I believe with Stacy being Ric’s daughter or him being the father of the baby or something like that. It never came through due to the lack of business but whatever. And yes that’s the Scream Queen of TNA. She’s also the better in ring competitor here. Stacy is 20 here. That’s hard to believe.

There’s wedding cake here too. Instead of trying to win they go for the cake. David is on his second interference so far. The referee gets pantsed and so does David. Now the girls chase each other around the ring and we try to shave Daffney’s head. Oh look it’s Crowbar to interfere even more. He takes his pants off to keep things even. We do get a funny line of “he’s choking David Flair with his pants!” And then Stacy just strips for the heck of it so that Daffney wins. Daffney hits her with cake.

Rating: N/A. Not wrestling, but the girls both looked good. This is what I get for watching WCW from 2000 though so I bring this on myself.

Next up is a hardcore match on Nitro, July 31, 2000.

Major Gunns vs. Stacy Keibler

This starts in the back with Gunns hitting her in the back with what looked like a bottle of water before they head into the bathroom. Gunns turns on the shower and Mark Madden is losing his mind. They fight over to catering with Hancock having a Twinkie shoved down her throat. There goes a carrot cake and it would be a bit better if they weren’t laughing at each other. They head to the ring where there’s a fight going on between Sgt. AWOL and David Flair. The guys go to the floor and there’s a table set up in the corner. Hancock throws her against the table and gets the pin off a slam. No rating for obvious reasons.

Here’s the PPV rematch at New Blood Rising in a Rip Off The Camouflage match.

Major Guns vs. Ms. Hancock

This is the ROTC match. Oh and there’s a mud pit. Guns’ music starts when she’s already in the ring. Stacey in a one piece camouflage dress with her hair pulled back…WOW. She was 20 at this point so brand new. They do some painfully bad stuff here and Guns kicks her in the stomach. Remember that. In a Rip off the Camouflage match, there are covers. Guns gets her top ripped off and Stacey (It’s Stacey Keibler in case that wasn’t sinking in. She’s Ms. Hancock) gets two.

This is mainly about how many upskirt shots can we get. Stacey gets her shorts ripped off and has more camo underneath it. Stacey shakes her hips and hits a horrible cross body from the middle rope. She does a nice nip up but gets kicked in the stomach again. The selling of these people is a far cry from Willy Lowman. Stacey misses another cross body and holds her stomach.

Guns gets her shorts ripped off to reveal more camouflage. Same thing happens to Stacey’s top. And they’re in the mud. Doesn’t that make it harder to see? Stacey starts holding her stomach and gets pinned. David Flair, Stacey’s fiancé, runs out and is worried about her. We get a stretcher and you can see it from here.

Rating: F. Yeah the girls were hot. The ending makes this all the stupider, and we’ll get to that in a bit. This was a freaking joke. When Debra is having better “matches” than you are, there’s a big problem

It was off to the WWF soon after this and the obvious match came first over who was hotter: Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson or Trish Stratus and Lita? What better way to find out than in a bra and panties match at InVasion?

Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

Mick Foley appoints himself guest referee here again. This was smart if nothing else as it gave a person people actually care about to the match. Torrie and Stacy have weird entrance music. Lita was a legit big deal at the time and was the biggest women’s star more or less since Sable and Sunny. Seriously do you want commentary here? Trish was getting better every day at this point but still wasn’t that good yet.

Stacy gets her top ripped off. Lita has the same done. Trish vs. Torrie now and Trish loses her shirt somewhere. There goes all of Torrie’s clothes. Stacy gets her pants ripped off to end it. Mick picks up the clothes after the match which is funny.

Rating: N/A. Not a wrestling match, so there you go.

Time for some regular wrestling on Raw, August 6, 2001.

Jacqueline vs. Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler

This can’t go on long. The universe can’t withstand it. The two jump the one quickly but she fights back while shouting. I’m shocked at the range of her character development in this. Stacy is sent to the floor so Ivory returns, DDT Jackie to turn Alliance and Torrie gets the pin. If Ivory had actually been around for the last four months…..yeah I still wouldn’t care. Too short to rate, thank goodness.

And now some slightly better wrestling on Raw, October 1, 2001.

Tajiri/Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler/Tazz

Torrie is in a full body dress and Stacy is in leather shorts. Clearly they’re in fighting gear here. The guys start (thank goodness) and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow. He tries a kick but gets caught in the capture suplex and it’s off to Stacy vs. Torrie. Make this quick. As expected they’re terrible because THEY AREN’T WRESTLERS. Back to the guys with Tajiri firing off his strikes and hooking the Tarantula. Ivory runs out and DDTs Torrie so Stacy can pin her. Awful match and for the life of me is anyone supposed to care?

The girls would head to England at Rebellion 2001.

Mighty Molly/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Torrie Wilson

Trish is referee here due to reasons of hotness. It says a lot when Molly is the least attractive person in a match. Stacy in camo top and leather skirt works to put it mildly. Heyman says he and Lita wear the same style of underwear. Oh dear. Stacy and Torrie start us off. This is more or less about what you would expect. Trish can’t do much in the ring yet so Lita and Molly are going to be carrying this one.

Apparently over 50,000 tickets were sold i

n an hour for Mania 18. Molly comes in as we’re waiting for Lita to come in and clean house. Stacy does the leg choke to a pop. Lita gets knocked down and the heels double team for a bit. Make your own orgy jokes. Molly does what she can but Torrie is kind of uncarryable. There’s Lita and it’s over in less than a minute with the Twist of Fate to Molly.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the girls looked good. That’s all there is to this and that’s all there was ever going to be on this.

Let’s get some better workers in the ring on Raw, March 11, 2002.

Lita/Trish Stratus vs. Jazz/Stacy Keibler

I always loved how Lita looked in those tied off Wrestlemania baseball jerseys. Trish is just starting to get good and she has her signature look down now. Trish gets jumped and double teamed to start but let’s talk about Lucy! She has a broken leg apparently but HHH is on his way back. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz (the Women’s Champion) hitting a double chickenwing on Lita.

Off to Stacy for a corner leg choke but Lita realizes that she’s fighting Stacy freaking Keibler and slams her down. Off to Trish as everything breaks down. Jazz takes a double flapjack but Trish accidentally kicks Lita, giving Jazz a quick rollup win. Trish, Jazz and Lita would have a triple threat on Sunday for the title and for the life of me I have no idea why Trish didn’t win the title there but rather a month or so later.

Back to PPV at Judgment Day 2002.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler

Each is going to have a Dudley in their corner for reasons of bad writing. Molly vs. Trish had been built up for months but they went with this instead because they picked the Dudley feud to be the better draw. Trish interrupted a swimsuit contest to set this up on Thursday. Well at least we get D-Von’s music. Aww man they hadn’t changed it yet so it’s just organ music. Dang it!

Naturally Bubba Ray Dudley is here. This was right before they were going to build him up as one of the top faces on Raw. Yes, that’s a true story. I’ll wait a bit while you regain consciousness. Stacy throws a kick that hits (read as her foot might have been two feet from Trish’s head, prompting a groan from the crowd) for two. Trish was just ok in the ring at this point and the awful Boston Crab shows that.

Stacy counters and Trish counters that into a rollup for two. This is quickly getting embarrassing, which says a lot as we’re maybe a minute into it. Trish hammers away and Stacy is sent to the floor where she has a fit. Batista comes in and drills Trish (lucky) with a slam that gets two for Stacy. Stacy chokes away and Trish fights back, getting a bulldog (minus springboard) to end this quickly. Terrible match but Stacy looked great.

Back to Raw with a slightly better idea on Raw, February 24, 2003.

Stacy Keibler/Test vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Basic idea here: they’re in Toronto so Stacy comes out in a tied off Maple Leafs jersey and little white shorts. She’s also terrified of Test to continue a stupid angle, though he’s fighting to go after Jericho for accidentally hitting Stacy with a chair. Test slams Christian down but Jericho pulls Stacy off the apron to distract the big man. Christian is lifted in the air for a press slam but Jericho comes in with a chair for the DQ.

Next up, the biggest stage of them all at Wrestlemania XX.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is an evening gown match and the annual Playboy promotional match. Sable and Torrie posed together and had a teased lesbian angle around this time. Sable wants to just wrestle without clothes but Jackie (Gayda, as in the attractive one) says no. Everyone else winds up in lingerie and Jackie is soon stripped too. This is exactly what you would expect: unfunny announcers, sexual spots, very little wrestling and very little complaining from most fans. Stacy kicks Torrie’s head off for two and it’s back to Jackie. We get the rolling over the referee spot and Torrie rolls up Jackie for the pin. This was what it was.

Another Raw match from October 4, 2004.

Stacy Keibler vs. Molly Holly

Non-title, likely because neither of them are champions. Trish, looking GREAT in a low cut top and jeans with some stomach showing, sits in on commentary. She shows us a clip from last week where Christy Hemme stripped off her clothes. Trish’s assessment, and again I quote, “Sl** sl** sl** sl**. Christy Hemme is a sl**.” I love the Bellas trying to sound all serious when you have the girls from this era ripping into each other with lines like that.

Even JR says Stacy has no chance here, albeit in JR-speak of course. Molly points a finger in Stacy’s face so she bites down on it. Again, these jokes are too easy at times. Keibler chokes in the corner and throws Molly down by her VERY short hair (she was shaved bald at Wrestlemania).

As this is going on, we get WWE Fantasy standings on the bottom of the screen. That’s a fascinating idea actually, but it would wind up being a huge mess. The camera stays on Trish, talking about how Christy “exudes sl**tiness.” Molly gets low bridged to the floor and Trish runs down to distract Stacy for no apparent reason, but Stacy is actually smart enough (I’m stunned too) to counter into a cradle for the pin.

We’ll wrap it up with a six person tag from Raw on August 8, 2005.

Stacy Keibler/Hurricane/Rosey vs. Victoria/Heartthrobs

The superheroes are Raw Tag Team Champions. If you don’t remember the Heartthrobs, I’m not surprised. Stacy is a superheroine here because she looks good in the outfit. Antonio Thomas starts with Hurricane but Romeo Roselli gets in a cheap clothesline from the apron to take over. Hurricane fights out of a chinlock and tags in Rosey to clean house. Everything breaks down and Stacy gets on the apron to shake her hips a bit for a distraction, earning a hard shot from Victoria. The Heartthrobs hit a double STO on Rosey for the fast pin.

Me? Use this as an excuse to look at Stacy Keibler for awhile? Perish the thought. I’m sure you can figure out the idea here: she’s there because she’s a 6’0 stunning blonde who can dance. I didn’t see a good match in the whole stretch but I have no idea why you would be looking for one in something about Stacy Keibler. She’s there for the view and there’s nothing wrong with that.

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Today we’re looking at one of the most gorgeous women in wrestling history: Torrie Wilson.

We’ll start things off with a mixed tag at Mayhem 1999.

Filthy Animals vs. Revolution

This is an elimination match. It’s Eddie/Kidman/Asya (Chyna ripoff) vs. Torrie/Saturn/Malenko. Shane Douglas of the Revolution is on commentary. Eddie and Kidman clean house as they’re trying to keep Torrie (a spry 24 here and drop dead gorgeous) out of the ring. We start officially with Eddie vs. Dean which works almost every time. They head to the floor so Saturn takes them out with an Asai moonsautl. Kidman dives on them too and then Torrie sets for one. Asya gets her hands on Torrie and it turns into something like a catfight.

Kidman plants Asya with a Sky High as Torrie has a bad ankle. Eddie shoves Kidman into Malenko as he’s checking on Torrie but it lets Malenko roll Kidman up for the first elimination. Eddie is destroyed by Malenko and Saturn, taking a backbreaker/knee drop combo. Asya comes in and beats on Eddie a bit, hitting an eye popping Davey Boy Smith delayed vertical for two.

Back to Eddie vs. Dean with Dean in control via a suplex. Eddie gets out of it and hits a standing rana for a pin to eliminate Dean and get us down to Eddie/Torrie vs. Saturn/Asya with Torrie having an injured ankle still. Asya comes in and beats on Eddie with another suplex getting two. Saturn accidentally superkicks Asya and a frog splash makes it 2-1 with Saturn vs. Torrie/Eddie.

It’s so weird thinking of Eddie as a Filthy Animal when he left as one of the Radicalz with a lot of the Revolution in two months. Saturn hooks a sleeper hold on Eddie but a jawbreaker gets him out of it. Scratch that as he’s right back in it. Now Eddie puts a sleeper on Saturn. Why do people that just easily escaped a sleeper think it’s such a good move to use immediately afterwords?

Saturn tries a spinning springboard clothesline but Eddie steps to the side and dropkicks him down. Something like a tornado DDT gets two. Eddie jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Shane is losing it on commentary and is more entertaining than anything I’ve ever heard him say or do. Saturn misses a top rope elbow so Eddie tries the same move he got rid of Dean with but it only gets two. Eddie tries a top rope cross body but Saturn rolls through into the Rings of Saturn to give us Saturn vs. Torrie. Torrie kicks him low and Shane gets on the apron. Saturn hits Torrie low which gets him the pin for the win.

Rating: C-. Not bad but I really don’t get the idea of having the girls in there. This would have been a lot better if they just had a tag match with the four guys or maybe threw in another dude to fight Asya. There wasn’t anything great here and the ending was really pretty stupid. I can think of worse ways to kill ten minutes though.

What’s better than a mixed tag match? A gimmicked mix tag match! Fall Brawl 2000.

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Madusa/Billy Kidman

The scaffold is over the stage here which I’m sure is completely safe. Also instead of putting them on the scaffold which starts on the ground and is raised up, they have to climb and waste more time. Douglas promises to pay everyone’s money back if the faces don’t get thrown. This is a Pittsburgh PLUNGE match, but apparently you win by crossing and climbing down. Sure why not. Kidman and Madusa don’t get entrances and just walk out and get on.

Tony tells Madden to get his jokes in so Tony can sell the match. Egads man. Tony insists it’s still going up when you can tell it’s perfectly still. The scaffold here is at least fairly wide to the point where they can walk side by side on it. That’s a LOT better than previous kinds. You know it’s a good thing we have those VIDEO screens to show the Fall Brawl logo so we know what show this MATCH is on.

The girls sprint off to get down the other side and are all alone so they just stand there. Kidman and Shane have a match up there with counters and a Sky High powerbomb and then the Franchiser (modified Stunner) on Kidman. And then Shane kicks Madusa down the ladder so that she crashes down. Now since she didn’t climb down, she doesn’t win. Oh give me a break.

Shane beats up Kidman and has him down so Torrie comes back over and waits for him to make his comeback and then hits him low so Shane can throw Kidman off the scaffold and onto the crash pad below. Once someone reminds them which way to go, the heels win. Yep, Shane Douglas is pushed over Kidman. Do I even need to explain why this was bad?

Rating: F+. How do you really grade one of these? It was maybe five minutes long and went nowhere. Shane made Kidman look freaking pathetic here and that doesn’t surprise me at all. Shane was in the downside of his career and Kidman was a guy with potential. Of course he lost. Whatever, and at least Torrie looked incredible.

At some point, Torrie had to wrestle a singles match. Here’s one of them on Thunder, September 20, 2000.

Torrie Wilson vs. Paisley

Paisley is better known as Booker T.’s wife Sharmell. Torrie shoves her down to start but Paisley flips her to the mat with ease. Shane Douglas offers a distraction, but Kwee Wee takes him down with ease. The whole thing fails anyway as Paisley rolls her up for the fast pin.

Another mixed tag from Halloween Havoc 2000.

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Konnan/Tygress

Torrie is dressed as Wonder Woman and DANG. Shane cuts his usual awful promo about how the whole injury thing earlier was planned. Sure why not. No Konnan to start us off. Tygress sets for a Bronco Buster (FACE FULL OF STUFF according to Madden) is blocked and there is still no Konnan. We saw him heading to the ring before the match started and here he is from through the crowd. Did he get lost or something? Was he following a trail of popcorn maybe?

Rolling clothesline hits Shane as Konnan is wearing a Vince Carter Team USA jersey. We get something close to an actual tag match finally with the guys in there. And so much for that as Tygress beats her up. Tony shows the idiocy of himself as he’s shocked that a woman can do a wristlock. You know, in a company where there was a Women’s Cruiserweight Title.

Shane punches Tygress to send her down as this is boring as all goodness. Mixed tags rarely work and this is no exception. Torrie can’t wrestle. That’s all there is to it. Madden makes sex jokes as Stevie calls a camel clutch a Boston Crab. Oh wait we have to call it a Steiner Recliner. Sure why not.

Why did Shane Douglas keep getting work? He was only worth anything in ECW and even there it wasn’t much. Outside of that though, no one was ever interested and yet he kept getting pushes. Konnan comes in and seems to be just fine of course. More Bronco Busters as this needs to end badly. And then Konnan does a double facebuster on the heels to win it. Thank goodness.

Rating: D-. Torrie looked good. The rest of this is a failure. Was there a point anywhere here? If there was I missed it completely. Totally boring match with nothing going on at all and Tygress being in the ring more often than not. Again though, this was about Torrie in that outfit and there’s nothing else to say here.

Torrie would head to the WWF in the InVasion and appear at the InVasion PPV in the perfect kind of match for her.

Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

Mick Foley appoints himself guest referee here again. This was smart if nothing else as it gave a person people actually care about to the match. Torrie and Stacy have weird entrance music. Lita was a legit big deal at the time and was the biggest women’s star more or less since Sable and Sunny. Seriously do you want commentary here? Trish was getting better every day at this point but still wasn’t that good yet.

Stacy gets her top ripped off. Lita has the same done. Trish vs. Torrie now and Trish loses her shirt somewhere. There goes all of Torrie’s clothes. Stacy gets her pants ripped off to end it. Mick picks up the clothes after the match which is funny.

Rating: N/A. Not a wrestling match, so there you go.

From the next night (July 23, 2001) on Raw.

Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus

Spanking match, meaning paddle on a pole. You win by spanking the other blonde. Neither girl has any clue what they’re doing in a ring so this is about what you would expect it to be. They do some really bad wrestling and Trish gets the paddle. Torrie runs from the paddle, dropkicks Trish, and spanks her to win. NEXT.

One week later.

Hurricane Helms/Torrie Wilson vs. Matt Hardy/Lita

Anything good in this match would result in Torrie staying on the apron and looking good. Naturally she starts with Lita and helps Helms with a double suplex. We finally bring in Matt and he gets two off a clothesline. Lita hits running clotheslines in both corners. Helms throws Lita to the floor but his superkick is countered. Litarana and Twist of Fate get two as Torrie saves. Another Twist puts Helms down but Torrie hits him low so a small package can pin Hardy.

Rating: D. Torrie just wasn’t very good at this point and it was showing badly. Stacy and Torrie as the female Alliance representatives never worked at all, especially against Lita and an improving Trish. Not a horrible match but it should have been one on one.

We’ll jump ahead a few months to Raw on October 1, 2001.

Tajiri/Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler/Tazz

Torrie is in a full body dress and Stacy is in leather shorts. Clearly they’re in fighting gear here. The guys start (thank goodness) and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow. He tries a kick but gets caught in the capture suplex and it’s off to Stacy vs. Torrie. Make this quick. As expected they’re terrible because THEY AREN’T WRESTLERS. Back to the guys with Tajiri firing off his strikes and hooking the Tarantula. Ivory runs out and DDTs Torrie so Stacy can pin her. Awful match and for the life of me is anyone supposed to care?

Time for some more PPVs, starting with No Mercy 2001.

Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler

This is a lingerie match which means they wrestle in it. Let’s get this over with. I can’t stand these kind of matches. I mean, the girls look great but when I can see them in even less for free on the internet, what’s the point? Stacy has a riding crop or something and spanks Torrie and the referee. They “wrestle” for a bit and exchange a bunch of rollups. Torrie wins with a handspring elbow. This was worthless.

Jumping ahead to No Mercy 2002.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

They’re not even called Divas all the time yet. Sweet goodness Cole looks toolish here. The girls look great though. Torrie drills her to start and it’s on early. This is when the girls were just AWFUL in the ring. It’s this era and the next 2-3 years where the bad stereotypes come from. Torrie kept getting ring time and looked like a rookie in her first match for the better part of three years.

Dawn drops a head into the crotch of Torrie and Tazz wonders if that actually hurts. This is just freaking terrible. Rolling catfight spot as this is going nowhere at all. They can’t even do clotheslines right. YOU STICK YOUR ARM OUT. Why is this getting extended time??? Finally Torrie wins with a swinging neckbreaker.

Rating: D-. Girls looking this hot can’t be a failure. That’s all it’s got going for it though and I want to get away from it as fast as I can.

Torrie’s father Al would then hook up with Dawn Marie, who was out to mess with Torrie’s mind. This led to a lesbian angle that sent teenagers through the roof and a wedding that sent wrestling to a new low. Al died because why not and here’s the match as a result from Royal Rumble 2003.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn comes to the ring in a veil because she’s in mourning. Torrie gets blasted in the face to start before spearing Dawn down and things get sloppy. Marie tries an armbar because we need some wrestling in this I guess. Torrie gets beaten on for a bit until they collide and hit the mat. Dawn hits a springboard spinning clothesline for no cover, giving us the highlight of the match. Torrie hits a neckbreaker out of nowhere for the win.

Rating: D-. Anything with these two in those outfits can’t be considered a failure, but at the end of the day, there is no real defending this match in the slightest. It was HORRIBLE and the story was borderline insulting to my intelligence, but the girls looked good and I guess that was the whole point. Why not just have a regular match if you want to is beyond me, but it’s 2003 so what do you expect?

Another day, another comedy match. From Smackdown on June 5, 2003.

Torrie Wilson/Rikishi vs. Jamie Noble/Nidia

Both guys show off their women and the fans approve of Torrie just a bit more. The girls chop it out to start and Torrie loads up a Stinkface before handing it off to Rikishi. Nidia avoids the fat man and brings in Noble who tries a sunset flip for some reason. Rikishi’s fat drop only hits mat but he comes back with a chokeslam. Noble tags in Nidia, meaning Torrie has to come in as well. Wilson hits a high cross body for two and everything breaks down. Rikishi throws Noble into Nidia, setting up a Stinkface to the evil chick. Torrie adds a neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. What were you expecting from something like this? It was your usual comedy match built around one spot and Nidia getting humiliated like a comedy heel is supposed to do. Then again, as is usually the case, I can live with whatever I have to put up with if it means Torrie in shorts that small.

We’ll jump ahead again to Great American Bash 2004 in a battle for who should be spokeswoman for the show.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

So they’re fighting over who should be the spokesperson for this PPV. Torrie said she should be, so Sable said she looked fat. You know it’s on after that. To the shock of no one, neither of them can do anything other than look good in shorts. Sable kicks a lot and they mess up a sunset flip. The fans are already booing. All Sable so far here. Time for a chinlock by Sable as this is dying quickly. The fans are mostly silent at this point.

Torrie hits one of the worst suplexes I’ve ever seen. Cole says there are Torrie chants but I don’t hear them. Then again Cole thinks some odd things at times. They collide and both girls are down, drawing even more booing. Sable plays possum and rolls Torrie up for the pin. They couldn’t even do THAT right, as Sable rolled over her and Torrie’s right side was completely off the mat.

Rating: F. If I need to explain this one, you’re not paying enough attention.

From the next Great American Bash in a slightly better match.

Torrie Wilson vs. Melina

Bra and panties rules and Candace Michelle is guest referee for no apparent reason. I’m not particularly going to bother talking about this, because it has nothing to do with wrestling at all. Torrie does look good in pink pants though. She actually puts on an abdominal stretch and pulls the top off of Melina. Melina kicks her to the floor and takes over. Torrie loses her shirt too. Candace has had nothing at all to do in this match. And there go Torrie’s pants. I’m not rating this but they looked good.

Torrie would hook up with Victoria and Candice Michelle to form Vince’s Devils. Here’s one of their matches from Unforgiven 2005.

Torrie Wilson/Victoria vs. Ashley Massaro/Trish Stratus

Torrie and Victoria are in some stupid Diva heel stable with Candace Michelle who would hook up with Vince for like 5 minutes. Trish is returning from an injury that kept her out for five months. Naturally they let her keep the title that whole time. Ashley is making her PPV debut here and we start with Trish vs. Victoria which is easily the best possible pairing. Off to Ashley and things get bad quickly.

Torrie and Candace cheat and Victoria hits a slingshot legdrop. Thankfully we’re letting Trish get the hot tag later which is by far the best possible idea. Off to a chinlock for a bit and then it’s time for Torrie vs. Ashley, which I don’t think anyone wants to see. Well, no one under the age of 22 that is. The nice girls do the unseen tag thing and Victoria beats on Ashley a bit more. She goes up and gets crotched before it’s hot tag to Trish. Trish does her usual stuff but throws in a spinebuster to mix things up. The Chick Kick ends Victoria.

Rating: D-. Trish in shorts is always a good thing but the match was just worthless. Ashley just wasn’t any good but was here because someone thought she looked good or whatever. The match was nothing and I’m sure everyone knew that was going to be the case. The heel Diva team never did anything and again, I don’t think anyone expected them to do anything.

From Raw on March 27, 2006 in fallout from the destruction of Vince’s Devils. Remember that? Of course not.

Torrie Wilson/Trish Stratus vs. Victoria/Candice Michelle

It’s almost a brawl to start with Victoria kicking Torrie down for two. Off to Candice for some grinding and a Stroke, complete with a little kiss first. Victoria accidentally hits Candice and the hot tag brings in Trish. She easily cleans house and nails the Chick Kick for two on Victoria. Torrie and Candice brawl on the floor as Trish escapes the Widow’s Peak and hits Stratusfaction for the pin.

Rating: D. This was just a warmup for Trish before her showdown with Mickie James at Wrestlemania on Sunday. Torrie and Candice were having a pillow fight on Sunday as well and that’s about as good as they could have done. The match was only good when Trish was in there, which thankfully was a good chunk of time.

Time for a beating! From Raw on July 3, 2006.

Torrie Wilson vs. Lita

Torrie has her stupid dog with her at this point. Lita offers Torrie a free shot and gets two off a suplex. A knee to the back has Torrie in even more trouble as Jerry makes sex jokes. Torrie makes the mistake of slapping Lita but actually keeps going with some clotheslines. We get a comedy spot as the referee takes a Stinkface, allowing Lita to DDT Torrie for the pin.

We’ll jump ahead a few months and look at this match on Smackdown, July 13, 2007.

Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria

This is due to Torrie stealing the spotlight from Victoria during a photoshoot last week. Victoria kicks her in the ribs to start as Cole talks about how tough Torrie is. A hair drag puts Victoria down but Victoria kicks her right in the jaw to take over. She shouts that Torrie isn’t so pretty now before hammering away even more. Choking ensues on the ropes but Torrie avoids a standing moonsault. She makes the comeback with clotheslines and a bad looking neckbreaker. A suplex gets two on Victoria but Torrie has to escape the Widow’s Peak. They head outside for a catfight and Torrie beats the count back in for the win.

Rating: D. This was actually better than I was expecting as Torrie was now to the point where she could do some basic stuff in the ring. She’s nowhere near ready for national TV but she wasn’t an embarrassment at this point. Victoria was doing her thing and carried Torrie to a decent match. She would of course crush Wilson in the rematches.

We’ll wrap it up with the required mess of a Divas match from Survivor Series 2007.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Layla is WAY hotter being evil and Melina has some gorgeous hair. She also falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up. Mickie and Maria are ridiculously good looking as well.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (Tara in TNA if you’re new at this) down and it’s off to Torrie who can’t wrestle a watchable match to save her life. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two. Maria comes in, basically wearing a bikini.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight on Melina for the pin. What’s the Long Kiss Goodnight you ask? That would be every 13 year old’s dream: Mickie literally bends Melina back and kisses her before kicking her in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kissing another hot woman before kicking her in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Yeah the matches were awful, and if you think that’s the point of Torrie Wilson, you have no idea how wrestling works.

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Today is my mom’s birthday so let’s look at another pretty brunette: Molly Holly.

Holly would debut in 1997 as Starla Saxton. We’ll pick things up for her as a jobber on WCW Worldwide on September 19, 1998.

Starla Saxton vs. Malia Hosaka

Hosaka comes out to the generic Japanese music. Both girls are in the old school womens’ wrestling one piece swimsuits. They trade armbars to start before Starla gets two off a backslide. Malia comes back with a cross body and a stiff right hand to the jaw. Starla ducks a kick in the corner and avoids a cross body before getting two off a side slam. A northern lights suplex gets the same but Hosaka comes back with a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C+. Much better match than I was expecting here with both girls working hard. Hosaka is a big deal in Japan and it’s really not hard to see why. This was when women’s wrestling had nothing going for it so the match was a nice surprise. Not that it meant anything of course.

She would debut under her the name Miss Madness and be one of three girls that Randy Savage brought with him to the ring. That wouldn’t last long though as Savage would fire her, leaving her as Mona. Here’s one of her matches against another of Savage’s chicks from Worldwide at some point in 2000.

Mona vs. Madusa

Mona wrestles in a very short blue dress which the fans certainly seemed to enjoy. Madusa shoves her down to start but Mona knees her in the chest. A big spinning kick to the face drops Mona but she flips Madusa into the corner. Madusa comes back with a snap suplex for two and the German suplex gets the pin.

Mona would be released in late 2000 and debut in the WWF as Molly Holly, the cute third member of the Holly Family. One of her first matches was at Survivor Series 2000.

Steve Blackman/Crash Holly/Molly Holly vs. T&A/Trish Stratus

If there’s a story here, I certainly can’t think of it. This was during the time where T&A took over the APA’s offices and called themselves the T&APA. Molly is brand new here and is still quite cute. Blackman is Hardcore Champion. Albert and Blackman start things off and apparently Crash is here because the APA left him in charge of the office. Speaking of Crash he comes in and dives into a slam from Albert, which is countered into a cross body.

Trish wants to beat up Crash but kicks Albert low instead. Off to Molly so Trish runs. Test comes in so Molly bails. We’re doing a lot of running around here without anything of note happening. Crash hits a nice slingshot rana for two but gets his head kicked off by Test. The Pumphandle Slam is escapes and Test is sent into Albert. Trish comes in and misses an elbow so it’s back to Molly. Albert pulls Molly’s hair but Trish can’t do anything with her yet. Blackman’s tag isn’t seen and T&A beats on Molly for a second before everything breaks down. A bulldog gets two for Trish but Molly finishes her with a top rope sunset flip.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t terrible or anything, but why wasn’t this a dark match? The story is barely there, the wrestling was just ok, and I don’t think this really fired up anyone for the show. I don’t get the thinking here but maybe they just wanted to get this out of the way before we got to everything else? That’s all I can think of. Trish and Molly looked good at least.

Being a Holly, Molly loved to fight everyone, including her cousin on Raw, July 2, 2001.

Crash vs. Molly Holly

Jackie is with Crash to annoy me. Molly starts with ranas and a victory roll for two. Jackie tries her up because she has to annoy people every now and then. Crash suplexes Molly when Spike gets up for a distraction. Jackie puts Molly on the top but Molly hits a quick Molly Go Round for the pin. Too short to rate but all things considered it wasn’t bad.

Molly would join the Alliance and the Hurricane in particular as Mighty Molly. This led to a Divas tag match at Rebellion 2001.

Mighty Molly/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Torrie Wilson

Trish is referee here due to reasons of hotness. It says a lot when Molly is the least attractive person in a match. Stacy in camo top and leather skirt works to put it mildly. Heyman says he and Lita wear the same style of underwear. Oh dear. Stacy and Torrie start us off. This is more or less about what you would expect. Trish can’t do much in the ring yet so Lita and Molly are going to be carrying this one.

Apparently over 50,000 tickets were sold in an hour for Mania 18. Molly comes in as we’re waiting for Lita to come in and clean house. Stacy does the leg choke to a pop. Lita gets knocked down and the heels double team for a bit. Make your own orgy jokes. Molly does what she can but Torrie is kind of uncarryable. There’s Lita and it’s over in less than a minute with the Twist of Fate to Molly.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the girls looked good. That’s all there is to this and that’s all there was ever going to be on this.

Molly would go back to being Molly Holly and dye her hair a light brown to make her look very different but still quite cute. Here she is against a better opponent on Raw, April 8, 2002.

Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Jazz is on commentary. Before the match, Molly, now looking even better with light brown hair says she’s a great wrestler and doesn’t like being off the show while there’s a paddle on a pole match going on. Terri thinks Molly is jealous but Molly says she’s beautiful and wholesome. Trish jumps her in the aisle to start as Jazz has nothing to say. Molly escapes a monkey flip but gets dropkicked down and bails to the floor.

Back in and Molly chokes a bit before hitting a nice handspring elbow. More choking ensues and Molly gets two off something the camera misses. Molly gets crotched on top and the Stratusphere brings her down. Trish goes after Jazz and gets hit with the belt for her efforts, allowing Molly to hook a freaky leg lock into a pin back inside.

Rating: D+. And most of that is for how tight Trish’s top was and how great Molly looked. The match was nothing more than angle advancement which is a great sign. Imagine that: an ANGLE in the Divas division with three different women who can all work a good match. It wasn’t anything of note but it’s light years ahead of what we get today.

They would fight again at King of the Ring 2002.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

It’s the pointless match of the month. Trish has just broken through the ceiling here and has some talent now while Molly is being the virgin and perfect character. Oh and apparently Molly has big hips. Molly is a good worker so this should be ok I guess. And it won’t matter anyway as the fans chant about puppies. And there you have the problem with this division. It’s still like that today and it always will be.

Ok, they’re working hard here, but King keeps talking about puppies and in two days they’re having the Undressed show. See what I mean? No matter how good the wrestling is it’s not going to mean a freaking thing and that’s pathetic. You can tell Ross is fed up with Lawler’s stupid lines and jokes. Molly misses her top rope flip but rolls up Trish and uses the tights for the win.

Rating: C+. The wrestling was very good here actually, but the commentary just freaking sucked. It was all fat jokes and chest references. Seriously, grow up Lawler. You need to. Not as bad as Vince does though but that’s another story. It’s a shame too as the wrestling was good but the commentary was a major distraction.

Molly would hold the title for about three months. Here’s her chance to get the title back on Raw, July 28, 2003.

Women’s Title: Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Gail is defending and takes Molly down with a hammerlock. A sunset flip gets two on Molly but she grabs a bow and arrow hold to take over. Her handspring elbow is kicked out of the air though and the champion nails a few dropkicks. Not that it matters as Molly goes up and hits a quick Molly Go Round for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Molly was still solid here and Gail was a newcomer who wore revealing outfits and had a different look to her. What more can you ask for from a new Diva? Oh yeah she could wrestle too. Not enough time to go anywhere but the Molly Go Round was a nice finisher and the match was good enough for three minutes.

Despite being champion, Molly was annoyed that all the attention was on Trish and the returning Lita. This set up a match at Unforgiven 2003.

Molly Holly/Gail Kim vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

This feud is more or less about Molly and Gail being jealous of Lita and Trish being insanely popular. Standard stuff to put it mildly. Molly is Women’s Champion here and is actually looking good. Lita was out for almost a year because of a broken neck and now wears khaki shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. The non-famous girls jump them early and that doesn’t work at all.

This is Lita’s return match. Oh seriously who do you expect to win this? You have two girls that are about as middle of the road as possible and the first two women to main event Raw. Lita and Gail are the actual starters and Lita nips up as we hear about King having a vasectomy. Molly hooks a Dragon Sleeper on Trish which works about as well as you would expect it to. Gail is gorgeous. That’s all there is to it.

Now Gail does a Dragon Sleeper. Trish walks up the turnbuckles and backflips into a reverse DDT. FREAKING SWEET. Molly looks good as a brunette and in blue. Trish manages to beat up both girls on her own since Lita is bleeding from the mouth. Lita gets the mostly warm but partly cloudy with a 30% chance of showers tag. Trish knocks Gail to the floor and Lita hits the moonsault to get the win which was about as predictable as you could expect.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect here. Lita was indeed a huge deal as she and Trish were just flat out awesome around this point but the injury took her out for over a year. This was nothing more than a welcome home match and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: announce that Lita is still awesome.

Molly would hold the title for a few months, including this defense at Armageddon 2003.

Raw Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory

This is a bonus match. Molly is champion and there’s no story to this whatsoever. The thing with Molly at this point is she’s a virgin and she’s frustrated all the time. From what I remember she was a virgin until she was married in real life. That’s rather cool. Molly is sent to the floor as no one cares about this at all. Ivory hits a flip off the apron to take Molly down again.

Back inside as there’s nothing going on here at all. You can tell this is the food break match before the main event and that’s fine. You have to have one of those I guess. Armbar goes on by Molly as we talk about anything but this match. JR apologizes for having nothing to say because he doesn’t have any notes for it. Molly hits a Muta elbow for two. Ivory gets a rollup which is reversed into one by Molly for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a match really here. Was there going to be anything of note here at all expected? It’s just a bonus match so it’s not like you can really complain here. Neither of these chicks would wind up doing anything else in the division for more or less the rest of time, so there you are.

Molly would lose the title in February. She wanted it back so much that she was willing to put her hair on the line for another shot at Wrestlemania XX.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

Here’s another match between the two from Vengeance 2004.

Molly Holly vs. Victoria

This is a number one contender’s match. Molly had her head shaved recently but she has a wig with a chinstrap holding it on. I smell a comedy moment later on. Victoria is more recently known as Tara. She went from being this psycho chick to being some dancing chick with a bad theme song. Such a shame. Victoria busts out a sweet moonsault for two. We nearly get a countout as Victoria may have hurt her what appears to be neck. Ah it’s her shoulder. Got it.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? It’s not like it’s a unique move when so many people use it. Molly works on the shoulder for a LONG time, including throwing her arm first into the ropes. Would that hurt? I’m not sure actually. Widow’s Peak doesn’t work but she hits more or less a superkick for the pin.

Rating: D. This was your standard Raw Divas match. The division was just bad at this point and this was no exception. Trish was champion and was injured at the moment hence the no title thing here. This just didn’t interest me at all though, although I’ve seen FAR worse matches.

We’ll wrap it up with one more match from Raw on December 27, 2004.

Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. Molly now has short hair again and slaps the redhead in the face before stomping away. Lita fights back with a headbutt to the ribs for two and a snap DDT for a fast pin.

Molly was a very pretty girl who could wrestle as well as if not better than almost all of the other Divas. She wasn’t around all that long but when you can hold your own against Trish, Lita and Victoria for a few years, it’s clear that there’s something very good about you. If nothing else she was willing to shave her head bald so she’s very dedicated to her craft.

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Today it’s the most famous female wrestler in WWF history: Trish Stratus, for no other reason than there aren’t any good options today and she’s rather good looking.

Trish debuted in early 2000 and was an absolute blonde bombshell with a figure that blew away anything anyone had seen before. She would immediately hook up with Test and Albert as T&A, eventually setting up a six person tag at Fully Loaded 2000 against her greatest rival and her team.

Trish Stratus/Test/Albert vs. Hardy Boys/Lita

Trish is a total rookie here and is just there because of her looks. This is something that they need to do with the Divas more often: put them as a manager for a long time before getting them into the ring on their own. That’s the thing: anymore, no Diva is given any kind of chance to get going or get any experience and all of a sudden they’re thrown into the spotlight and they fail.

Here, Trish can get some ring time but not enough to expose her weaknesses. That’s very smart and is a big reason why she’s one of the best ever. That being said, Trish looks incredible as she’s more or less wearing a pink swimsuit. Her abs could rival Orton’s. Lita has injured ribs here because we can’t have Lita vs. Trish in a straight match yet.

I’ve always liked Test and Albert for some reason. See what’s going on here though? We have two tag teams that have been having a moderate feud lately but the titles aren’t involved. See what having a tag division can do for you? You can have matches that don’t have to be for the belts and it can give you a decent match.

Also remember there’s no brand split yet so Raw and Smackdown had the same stories going on. Jeff gets a NICE pop as he comes in. Jeff is ridiculously fast out there. The Hardys, The Dudleys and Edge and Christian were the perfect answer to the cruiserweights in WCW. Their matches were completely insane and had very little story to them but they didn’t need one.

They were so awesome that we could overlook that and it worked every time. Now why couldn’t the cruiserweights get over like that too? Trish and her amazing figure are in for a bit but runs for her life from Lita. There we go again: Trish getting heel heat and a small amount of experience while not actually doing anything. That’s very smart.

In a cool spot, the faces hit a double suplex on Trish and Test then all three take their tops off. That’s nice indeed. I never used to be able to tell the Hardys apart. I finally got it right though: one is an overrated hack that keeps missing ring time and botches half the moves he attempts and the other is named Jeff.

Trish put Lita through a table on Raw which apparently nearly ended her career. So in six days she got injured, had time to find a doctor that decided that her career was in jeopardy, heal enough to be able to get back in shape for this match, and get doctor’s clearance to not only travel but be in the ring for this match as her career apparently isn’t in jeopardy anymore? Don’t you just love wrestling and the stupid lines of commentary that come with it?

Jeff gets destroyed for a good while until Test misses an awesome looking elbow and takes a SWEET looking mule kick to the chin so Matt can get tagged. After a big mess of a brawl, Lita gets in and hits a NICE tornado DDT from the top on Test. She follows that up with a huge dive to the floor onto Albert and then another NICE hurricanrana onto Test.

She was so ridiculously awesome around this time that it’s insane. After some cheating though, Test hits that diving powerbomb that I always marked out for on Lita to stop her cold. I think I liked Lita getting in there against the men more than I did Chyna. Chyna was trying to wrestle like a man and it got boring to me.

Lita got in there and wrestled a lucha style which is far more exciting than Chyna being able to do a handful of solid moves and a bunch of botched moves and complain about everything and then bragging about how awesome she was. Trish comes in to the biggest pop of the match. See what huge implants can do for you?

Lita kicks out of the powerbomb from Test though which is awesome. Trish bends over in from of the Hardys and you can easily see them checking her out. I love that. The men run in and the Hardys win that and they hit the floor where Jeff “chokes” Albert with his foot. When I say chokes I mean puts his foot about an inch away from Albert’s head so it’s not anywhere near his throat.

Lita hits the moonsault for the pin. Post match, Albert shows that the choking really didn’t work as he nails Lita (lucky bastard. I guess half the locker room fits that description though) and the heels dominate and Trish whips Lita with a belt.

Rating: B. This was a great opener as it got the crowd into the show and didn’t really do anything of important note. In other words, it was the best possible choice for an opening match. The faces should have won here and did. Trish and Lita would obviously become the biggest women’s rivalry of all time and they would have a bunch of great matches. Here though it was about looks which is fine with me as both of them had some great ones.

The rivalry with Lita would continue as Trish would challenge her for the Women’s Title on October 23, 2000 in a bra and panties match. Yeah it’s stupid but it’s Trish Stratus. How can I not include one of these?

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Trish Stratus

Lita is defending and remember that this is bra and panties. Lita tackles her down to start and takes it into the corner before this becomes a catfight. This is about two years before Trish was even remotely good in the ring so this isn’t going to be anything more than what you would expect. Trish rips off Lita’s top so Lita does the same to Trish. The champ is about to fall out of her top before suplexing Trish down, hitting the moonsault and completing the stripping to retain.

Trish would enter her first big story soon after this, as she would become Vince’s mistress. This didn’t sit well with Stephanie and the two had a showdown at No Way Out 2001.

Trish Stratus vs. Stephanie McMahon

Trish is a lot of curves and a gorgeous face at this point. She has no talent as far as we know in the ring so Stephanie is probably the ring general in this match. She has the awesome old school HHH music though so I can’t complain. It’s nice to see one of the girls in a t-shirt though instead of their traditional stuff. Spear and a slap fight start us off.

We’re in the crowd in like a minute as this is a big fight. Stephanie dives off the barricade with a big punch to the chest. Granted it’s hard to miss so there we are. Bulldog by Trish but it means nothing yet so it only gets two. They do the smart thing here and don’t try to make this into a wrestling match, opting instead for a fight. Water gets involved, making Lawler freak out.

Trish with wet hair and a wet chest: win. A powerbomb from Stephanie gets two and down come Trish’s shorts for a spanking. Trish in a thong wins also. The girls both go down (lucky) as does the referee. Cue Regal, who puts Trish on top (works for me) but then saves Stephanie from getting pinned since he doesn’t know what the right thing is. Trish slaps him so he takes her down with a neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: B-. This is considering who was in there and the level of their talent. It’s no classic, but considering who was in there, this was AWESOME. They didn’t bother trying to have a match and just beat each other up, which was without a doubt the right way to go. Trish would of course get FAR better, but this was pretty good considering what they had to work with. Regal saving us from the attempt at a finishing sequence was a nice break too.

Soon after this, Women’s Champion Chyna would walk out on the company while still champion, so the title was held up for a six pack challenge at Survivor Series 2001.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory vs. Lita vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz

Chyna relinquished the title earlier in the year without being pinned and then disappeared so this is the best we’ve got to pick from for the new champion. This is Jazz’s debut and NO ONE CARES. Why does no one care? Because Jazz meant nothing in ECW and was a face there but is a heel here. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz pounding away. Off to Jackie vs. Molly off some blind tags and somehow even fewer people care about Jackie.

Jackie dropkicks Molly down and it’s off to Ivory who gets caught in a sunset flip for two. This is one fall to a finish. Ivory slingshots Jackie into the ropes and it’s off to Trish who is looking very good in those little pink shorts of hers. Lita gets knocked to the floor and the three Alliance chicks (Ivory, Jazz, Molly) triple team Trish for a bit. Jackie double crosses Lita on Poetry in Motion and everyone hits their finishers on everyone else. The Litasault gets two on Ivory as Jazz saves. Lita gets backdropped to the floor and it’s Ivory vs. Trish left. Stratusfaction gives Trish I believe her first title.

Rating: D. It was short, the match wasn’t any good, Trish looked great in the skin tight barely there pink shorts, Lita looked good as usual, and that’s all I’ve got here. As usual with situations like this, when the previous champion doesn’t lose the title, the new champion comes in at a big disadvantage.

Trish would hold the title for a few months before dropping it to Jazz. Her rematch would come in Toronto at Wrestlemania 18 in a triple threat also involving Lita.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus

Jazz is defending as these three get the death spot after that last match. Trish looks GREAT in a Canadian Maple Leaf themed outfit as the hometown girl. Jazz gets double teamed to start as you can hear the crowd not caring at all. Jazz comes back almost immediately with a half crab on Trish and the double chickenwing on Lita. A kick to Trish’s ample chest sends her out to the floor but Lita pounds on the champion to take over.

A Cena spinning powerbomb gets two on Jazz but she isn’t interested in being on defense that long. She loads Lita up for a superplex but Trish breaks it up with an electric chair for two. All three are back in now and Lita gets a weak clothesline to put Jazz down. Trish loads up Stratusfaction but Jazz breaks it up and gets two off a splash on Lita. A release fisherman’s suplex gets two on Trish as Jerry lists off countries the show is airing in. Jazz is knocked to the floor so we can have the brawl that people actually care about.

A bad looking backdrop puts Trish down but Jazz comes back in, only to walk into the Twist of Fate. Lita teases taking her top off but tries a moonsault instead, only hitting Trish’s knees. Trish chops at Lita but they collide coming out of the corner. Lita sends Jazz to the floor and breaks up a Stratusfaction attempt by sending Trish to the floor. Lita goes up but gets crotched, allowing Jazz to hit a fisherman’s buster off the middle rope on Lita to retain.

Rating: D-. Trish looked great and Lita wasn’t bad either, but DEAR GOODNESS no one cared about Jazz. For the life of me I don’t get why Trish didn’t win the title here. She would eventually take the title off Jazz in like a month. On Raw. In Toronto. You know, not HERE AT WRESTLEMANIA IN TORONTO.

After not doing much for the rest of the summer, Trish would defend her title against newcomer Victoria at No Mercy 2002.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Sweet merciful goodness Trish looks amazingly good tonight. She’s in her standard stuff but the blue with the long blonde hair and the big smile is WORKING. Victoria is currently known as Tara in TNA. Total bring the crowd down match after the awesome match they just had. Victoria is a bit more hardcore than the rest of the Divas. Trish was pretty good in the ring by this point and can more than carry herself.

You can tell that Trish has talent as she’s not afraid to go after Victoria here and clearly looks comfortable out there doing what she’s doing. When you watch the Divas today for the most part they clearly have to stop and make sure they’re doing everything right. With Trish like most of the male wrestlers, you can see she’s mostly going on instinct which is the better way of doing things.

Victoria in control here as she hits a front flip slingshot legdrop and then botches the living heck out of a monkey flip to the extent that Trish landed on Victoria rather than hitting the mat. Victoria throws on an old school backbreaker which is the kind where they throw the other girl over her shoulder and pulls down. A big spinning sideslam gets no cover so Trish gets an electric chair drop for two. Chick Kick gets two before a neckbreaker and rollup end it.

Rating: D. This was just there but the sloppiness of it hurt things. Trish was getting a lot better but still wasn’t as great as she would get. Victoria wasn’t a character yet and was just a bit nuts and said that Trish slept her way to the top of the fitness modeling world. She would get the title the next month in a hardcore match. This was pretty much nothing.

Speaking of Victoria, she replaced Lita in a rematch of the triple threat match from the previous Wrestlemania.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and is still psycho here. She’s also Tara for you TNA fans. Jazz hits a quick dropkick for two on Trish before Victoria can even get to the ring. Off to what we would call a Last Chancery to the Canadian after the champion is knocked to the floor. Everyone winds up outside with the champion taking over. She sends Trish back inside for a slingshot legdrop, getting two. Jazz and Victoria square off now before turning their attentions back to Stratus for some double teaming.

That goes nowhere though as it’s time for the villains to fight again with Jazz getting two off a powerslam. Trish comes back with a rollup on Victoria for two but she clotheslines Trish down for two as a result. Jerry: “Trish is like a quarter among pennies in there.” JR: “…..what?” Jazz hits a sitout powerslam for two on Stratus before arguing with Victoria even more. A spin kick by Jazz hits Victoria by mistake and allows Trish to roll her up for two. The Chick Kick puts Jazz down and the Stratusphere does the same to Victoria.

The champion is knocked to the floor as Jazz puts Trish in a half crab which is transitioned into an STF. Victoria’s boyfriend/manager Steven Richards comes in to send Jazz to the floor, allowing the other two to trade rollups for two each. Jazz comes back in and lifts Trish up for a double chickenwing before dropping her down on her uh…face. Yeah face. Victoria kicks Jazz down but misses a moonsault, knocking herself to the floor. Richards comes in and hits himself with a chair. As he goes to the floor, Trish hits the Chick Kick on Victoria for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Not bad again here and one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a long time. There wasn’t much of a story being told here but at the same time, they looked like they knew what they were doing and never looked lost, which puts them miles ahead of anything in the last three years of Divas matches.

Later in the year, Trish would enter one of her biggest feuds ever. Christian and Chris Jericho would start hitting on Trish and Lita, leading to a tag team match between the teams at Armageddon 2003.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

JR says that Bischoff is like Hussein. No, he isn’t. Jericho and Trish start us off and Jericho tries to explain. A right hand slap misses but the left connects. After all those years of Trish being the best female wrestler in the country, Trish becomes a slap fighter. Jericho spanks her which wakes Trish up a bit so she starts firing off some headscissors and dropkicks.

Christian tags himself in and wants Lita. Lita at least tries some more leverage and speed moves which is what she does in her regular matches so it makes sense. A slam puts Lita down and it’s off to Jericho. Then he stands on her hair and pulls her up. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Lita counters a powerbomb into a rana and it’s off to Christian. There goes Lita’s top which makes Christian far more popular.

Lita manages to get a low blow in and there’s Trish. THANKFULLY she wakes up and fights like she’s capable of doing, snapping off her forearms and the Chick Kick. Stratusfaction doesn’t work but she ducks to avoid a charging Christian and he goes to the floor. Lita crotches Jericho but the Stratusphere doesn’t work. Christian gets two but the Matrish sends Christian into Jericho for two. Lita snaps off a rana which she does better than almost anyone. Jericho checks on Trish and Christian rolls her up for the pin.

Rating: C. All things considered, not too bad here. Once Trish remembered how to wrestle this got a lot better. The men vs. women matches can work and this got close as the girls weren’t out there using nothing but chokes and slaps as they used their regular stuff and it worked pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for the purposes of this it was fine.

Trish would win the title back during the year before what many consider to be the high point of her career. Lita and Trish renewed their rivalry and built up to a showdown on the December 6, 2004 episode of Raw. This was the main event of the show, a first and only time for a Divas match. I don’t mean it went on last and then the real main event happened. Trish Stratus vs. Lita for the Women’s Title was built up as the main event of the show, went on last, and the celebration after the match closed out the episode. Imagine that happening today and you’ll see how far the division has fallen.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Even in a faceguard with what looks like masking tape over her face, Trish is gorgeous. How is that possible? Lita’s song is great too. 2004 had some awesome theme music. They lockup and go to the floor quickly. Lita takes over with a leg sweep for two. Remember that she’s the hometown girl. They go to the floor again and Lita tries a suicide dive and Lita lands ON HER HEAD, jacking her neck back in a landing that made my jaw drop and be stunned she isn’t dead. I mean she landed on her face and her feet hit her in the back of the head. The referee immediately checks on her and the crowd goes quiet.

The match keeps going as I guess she’s alive somehow. Trish takes the noseguard off and pops Lita in the face with it which isn’t a DQ somehow. Lita fights out of a choke and throws on a sleeper but gets countered into a seated full nelson. Trish goes up but gets caught in a superplex to put both girls down. Back up and the Chick Kick gets two. Trish pounds away in the corner and gets powerbombed to set up the moonsault but Trish breaks it up. Rollup gets two and Trish grabs a DDT for two. Stratusfaction is broken up and there’s a reverse Twist of Fate. The moonsault gives Lita her second title.

Rating: B. Considering that neck shot, WOW Lita was impressive here. At the end of the day, this was a solid match and they made it feel like a big moment. This was Lita’s second title, but she hadn’t won it in over four years so it’s not like this was something that happened every day. Trish would win it back in less than a month and hold it until Wrestlemania. As in the Wrestlemania the year after she won it, giving her a reign of about 15 months.

Trish would win the title back a month later as Lita would get injured during the match. Stratus would get injured soon after that and stay out of action for six months. Naturally the title wasn’t vacated or anything and Trish returned in September. After a quick feud with Melina, it was off to one of Trish’s best feuds ever. A newcomer named Mickie James was obsessed with Trish to the point that she would follow Trish into the shower and eventually kiss her under the mistletoe. The story was allowed to build until Mickie snapped and beat up Stratus, setting up their showdown at Wrestlemania 22.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

Mickie is challenging and has those awesome skirts that go all over the place. Trish is looking great too with the usual attire but showing her stomach as well. Trish is all aggressive here and chops Mickie down into the splits. They head to the floor but the Chick Kick hits the post. Mickie wraps the leg around the post and is still looking very psycho. Back in and a dropkick to the knee takes Trish down again, as does a dragon screw leg whip for two.

The fans chant for Mickie and I can’t say I blame them. Mickie wraps the leg around the ropes before driving it down into the mat for good measure. Off to a half crab followed by a knee crank but Trish power up and hooks a spinning headscissors to put James down. Trish comes back with the forearms and a spinebuster of all things for two. Trish’s corner splash hits feet but as Mickie goes up, Stratus tries the Stratusphere but gets slammed down for a sexy two. A rana is countered into a powerbomb for two and Trish is TICKED.

Trish tries the Matrish but the knee gives out. Instead she tries Stratusfaction but Mickie gropes Trish’s crotch to break it up. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Mickie licks her fingers so Trish DRILLS HER with a forearm. Trish keeps firing away but the knee gives out, and then the match falls off the rails. Mickie tries the Stratusfaction but COMPLETELY misses the rope, making it almost look like a botched atomic drop by Trish. Instead Mickie hits a lame Chick Kick to end Trish’s reign. JR sums it up perfectly: “The nutjob won the title!”

Rating: B-. This was one of the best Divas matches ever but the ending cripples it. The idea here was that it wasn’t a women’s match but rather a match featuring women in it. These two were beating each other up and Trish had real emotion out there. Mickie was PERFECT for this character and you really felt like she had a screw loose. The sexuality was there but it wasn’t the focus which is nice for a change. It’s nice to see a real story and a real fight between two people who happen to be gorgeous women. Good stuff here.

After a summer of nothing special, Trish announced her retirement match at Unforgiven 2006. She would face Lita of course and challenge for the Women’s Title.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

If she’s going to go, this is how you do it: in your hometown against your rival for the title. Both of their theme songs freaking rock. Lita is announced from Atlanta which sounds weird. LOUD Thank You Trish chant before the music even hits. She gets the loudest pop for a Diva ever, period. This really is a cool moment and her stumbling up the steps is awesome too.

Lita gets booed out of the building and I had to grab my headphones to get the loudness out of my ears when Trish went on offense. Thesz Press off the apron to Lita and I can’t get over how hot this crowd is for this. I know it’s a big deal but DANG they’re loud for it. They changed the mat during the video package so that the blood is gone, which is nice since the stains on the mat get annoying later on.

Lita’s looks never worked that well with bangs. In a cool spot, Lita blocks the headscissors out of the corner and Trish winds up sitting on Lita’s lap in the corner as they punch each other. Never seen that before. They fight even more on the top and Trish goes to the mat. Moonsault misses and the Stratusfaction is missed too. A fan at ringside actually asks Trish to marry him as she’s down. Well he’s certainly trying.

Trish is in trouble as they actually tease her losing here. That’s rather amusing. JR mentions she’ll be in the Hall of Fame, which better be true. If she’s not they might as well close off any other Divas. They slug it out which is something these two can actually make believable, which isn’t often said of the ladies. BIG old kick to the head of Lita gets two.

Sweet move by Trish as Stratusfaction is reversed but Trish twists PERFECTLY in midair into a sunset flip. The sunset flip part isn’t great but the twist was nice. It gets two, but Trish gets the FREAKING SHARPSHOOTER and the crowd absolutely loses it. Lita almost gets the rope but Trish drags her back to the middle for the tap and the title.

Rating: A. This wasn’t for the match, although it was good. This was about a last moment, and I’d love to hear a way to go out that is better than this. In her hometown, using the most famous move in the history of the country, she beat her archrival and broke the record for most Women’s Championship ever. That is what you call epic. Good match too, but that’s expected from these two. Crowd was awesome too.

Trish would come back a few times over the years, most prominently at Wrestlemania 27.

John Morrison/Snooki/Trish Stratus vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

Barely any story here as it’s just there to give us Snooki, which is supposed to mean something. Vickie is with Laycool here because she’s already screwing Dolph at this point. Trish is STUNNING as a brunette here too. Laycool attacks to start and the guys get involved as well. Michelle shoves Layla to start so Trish comes in and beats Michelle up. The Matrish is broken up with a stomp but Trish escapes the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) with a facebuster.

Michelle and Stratus slug it out on the top before falling to the floor at the same time. Layla tries to interfere and gets decked as well, only to have Trish dive off the apron and take both of them out. The Chick Kick gets two on Michelle as the guys come in sans tags. Starship Pain to the floor takes Ziggy out and there’s the tag to Snooki for a handspring elbow to Michelle. That and a splash are good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Trish and Laycool looked hot, Snooki did her two moves decently enough, the guys did almost nothing at all and Vickie was kept to a minimum in the less than three and a half minutes this ran. For a match that short with Trish looking that good, how much can you really complain here? Laycool would be split in a month with Michelle leaving the company.

Stratus would be inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2013 as she certainly deserved. She was the most successful Diva in history with seven Womens’ Titles and one of the best rivalries of all time, gender aside. Her matches against Lita took women’s wrestling to a level it hadn’t seen in mainstream wrestling and some of those showdowns were amazing. Trish was just a gorgeous blonde to start but turned into a well rounded character who could go in the ring. She’s absolutely awesome and well worth checking out. Watch her matches too (especially when she was evil Trish in 2004. Dear goodness she was hot).

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