Monday Night Raw – August 21, 2006 (2021 Redo): A Breakdown, A Bowflex, And Long Island Sound

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 21, 2006
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Summerslam has come and gone and the show didn’t exactly change much. Edge is still World Champion thanks to some shenanigans and that means we are probably continuing John Cena’s chase after the title. Other than that, the McMahons seem to have some new minions to help them against DX, because that’s still going too. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

We open with the long Summerslam recap.

Here is Edge, without the title for some reason, to open things up. He has been waiting for this night his entire life because every person who bought a ticket to see him without the title was wrong. Edge goes outside to laugh at the fans, including some kids, who he shouts were WRONG. But if he’s the champion, where is his belt? And where is his girlfriend? We go to a bridge, where Lita is holding up the title.

Edge wants a burial at sea of the last remnants of John Cena, so Lita throws the belt in the water. Get ready for a new era though, and the ring fills with smoke. The smoke clears and we have the new Rated R belt. For now, any new challengers can step up but for now, he’s off to find Lita. Cue the returning Jeff Hardy and Edge panics. Edge: “DIDN’T YOU DIE THREE YEARS AGO???” Edge says he already ruined Matt Hardy’s career so the beatdown is on with Edge bailing in a hurry.

Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders/Eugene/Jim Duggan

The Squad jumps the motley crew to start and it’s Johnny working on Rory’s wrist to start. Rory sends him into the corner and brings Robbie in, allowing Johnny to kick him straight down. It’s off to Kenny for the jumping elbow to the face for two and Mikey comes in for a chinlock. The fans want Duggan but have to settle for Nicky being launched into Robbie in the corner. A lot of trash talking ensues but Johnny misses the top rope legdrop. That’s enough for the hot tag to Rory (listen to the fans people) as everything breaks down. Robbie pulls Johnny to the floor and it’s a double reverse slingshot suplex to finish Kenny.

Rating: D+. They kept it short here but it would have been nice to have Duggan, who the fans wanted to see, in there for anything other than standing on the apron. The ending does make sense as it sets up another Highlanders title shot, but you can’t tease us with Duggan and then not deliver. It’s un-American. I mean so was Duggan in 2000 but who wants to remember that?

Edge storms into Vince McMahon’s office but finds Coach exercising (on a well plugged Bowflex) because he has been watching the McMahon DVD and wants to be in shape like Vince. Edge does not care because he wants Jeff Hardy tonight. Non-title of course. Coach grants the match but here are Vince and Shane McMahon as Edge leaves. Vince throws the exercising Coach out and complains about last night’s loss not counting because the illegal man was pinned. It’s not over with DX. I wouldn’t have bet on anything else.

Randy Orton is mad about the loss to Hulk Hogan because he got cheated. Tonight, he’s taking it out on Ric Flair, who is a bigger legend than Hogan. Carlito comes in and says it was cool to see Hogan win. Orton says at least he was on Summerslam, because Carlito is just an apple and a t-shirt.

HHH, reading an Air Force magazine, brags about winning last night and coming to Raw this week. On the way there though, they found Vince McMahon’s private plane (cue Shawn Michaels to play with some planes and break stuff. HHH says there was an incident and we cut to the two of them getting off of the plane, which is now painted with a big green DX. See they scratched it and needed to cover it up.

Vince freaks out and breaks the TV.

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish isn’t in her usual gear and almost looks like she is wearing street clothes. Victoria hits her in the face to start so Trish hammers away and dropkicks her to the floor. Back in and a clothesline gets two, setting up a victory roll for the same. Stratusfaction is broken up and Victoria sends her face first into the mat. A headscissors gets Trish out of trouble so Victoria knees her in the head. That just earns her a top rope hurricanrana and now Stratusfaction can connect for the pin.

Rating: C-. They kept it short but both of them did what they could with the time. The problem is I’ve seen these two fight so many times over the years that it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s the problem with having a 3-4 person division for so many years and it was in full force here.

Post match here are Vince and Shane McMahon as soon as the bell rings. Vince says he’s going to have DX arrested so we go to DX talking about Vince McMahon leaving his mark. Just like when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor you see. Vince: “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE AIRPORT!” Shawn says they’re on top of Vince’s world and we pan out to see a giant DX painted on the side of Titan Towers (and DX dropping their pants because of course). Vince is done and leaves in shock, with the Goodbye Song being thrown in as a bonus.

This Week In Wrestling History: Smackdown debuted.

Post break, Vince and Shane run into Mick Foley, who calls him Vince. Foley says he is having a bad night of his own because of his fight last night. Vince doesn’t like this and suggests that Foley join his special club tonight. Foley calls that ridiculous and freaks out but Vince threatens to fire someone if he doesn’t.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title and Lita is here with Edge. Jeff starts fast with a baseball slide and slingshot dive before the bell. We officially get started with Edge sending Hardy into the steps and then kicking him in the face back inside. An elbow to the back sets up Edge bending Hardy’s back around the post for a four count. Back up and Hardy scores with a clothesline, followed by a DDT for two. The Edge O Matic gets the same but a quick Whisper in the Wind drops Edge again. Hardy kicks him in the face for two and the Twist of Fate connects. The Swanton connects as well but Lita grabs Edge’s foot at two, which is enough for the DQ.

Rating: C. They didn’t have much time here but these two have so much history together that it is always worth a look. It’s great to have Hardy back and having him have Edge beaten until Lita made the save was a pretty good return. You can probably pencil them in for a title match or two and that is a smart way to go early on.

Post match here’s John Cena to charge into the arena and go after Edge. They fight backstage and go outside with Edge getting in a cheap shot and running away as we take a break. Back with the fight continuing near the harbor and Cena sending him head first into a wall. Then he throws Edge into a tree (Cena: “YOU GOTTA BE ONE WITH NATURE B****!”) and chokes him with a gardening hose before throwing him in the water. Then Edge found out that Long Island Sound is some of the most polluted water in the world and got very sick.

Melina comes up to thank Foley for saving her from Ric Flair last week. Foley isn’t sure what to do tonight so Melina says to think it through. He is her mentor and best friend so she’ll support whatever decision he makes.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Kane

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Kane shoulders him down to start and Nitro bails to the apron like a smart champion. Back in and Nitro avoids a charge so he can hammer away in the corner. A springboard is knocked out of the air as Lawler is impressed with Melina’s screaming. There’s the top rope clothesline to Nitro but Umaga runs in for the DQ.

Post match the beatdown is on, including the Samoan Spike. Kane sits up a few moments later so Umaga kicks him down again. The middle rope spike to the throat makes Kane spit up blood, sending JR into hysterics.

Clips from Summerslam.

We look at Layla winning the Diva Search. Good for her.

JR can’t believe that Foley might join Vince’s club.

We get the premiere of the trailer for the Marine. Who would have guessed the series would make it about ten years? This isn’t on the Network.

Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton

Flair has a black eye and a lot of bandages on his head. Orton tries to jump him to start so Flair hammers away. The suplex cuts Flair off though and Orton clotheslines him to the floor (only took two tries). There’s a dropkick off the apron to drop Flair again and a suplex on the floor makes it worse. Back in and Orton slowly stomps away before taking it outside for a whip into the steps. They head inside again with Orton stomping away and hitting the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C. I’m never sure what to call these angles described as a match, which is all you had here. Flair could barely move and that makes sense after the match he had the previous night. It’s not like this means much of anything, but Flair is going to get some good sympathy for trying to do anything when he looks like that.

Post match Orton beats on Flair even more until the referee reverses the decision. Orton goes after Flair again so Carlito makes the save.

We look at William Regal joining Vince McMahon’s club.

Vince and Shane are in the ring with Vince almost dancing over the idea of Foley joining the club. Foley, with Melina, won’t do it because he loves the WWE but doesn’t need it. He has saved a fortune on clothes over the years, hasn’t had a haircut in ten years and drives a used minivan. Vince says Foley must be having trouble hearing with that half ear. See, it isn’t Foley who is going to be fired, but rather Melina. She tries to talk him out of it but Foley says he has had his career and now it is her turn to be a star.

Foley has even made her the godfather to his youngest son. After this, they’re going to find some mouthwash so Vince needs to drop his pants. Foley gets it over with, yells at Vince, and gets dropped by a low blow from Melina. Oh and Foley is fired anyway, with Melina screaming the announcement. Vince, Shane and Melina leave with Vince talking about things he likes having done to his a**. Tomorrow, he’s going to New York to have an a**ial.

Melina is handed off to Johnny Nitro and Vince gets angry at DX all over again. He goes to the limo, yells at the driver for not wearing a tie, and drives….well not that far because there is a cable attached to the axle, which flies off. Vince crawls out of the limo, also painted with the DX logo, and has a complete nervous breakdown to end the show. So Vince is loony, Foley is stupid for trusting a villain like Melina, and DX is apparently Batman by being able to get around and paint everything. That’s quite the ten minute segment.

Overall Rating: D. This show was a complete screeching halt as it was almost all about the DX vs. McMahon feud, which is still going after about eight months. Then there is the Foley stuff, which was weird in the first place and then hasn’t gotten any better since. Was there any doubt that Melina was going to turn on him at some point? The wrestling wasn’t very good either, but maybe they needed a breather after the major show. At least the Hardy return was good, but this was a dreadful show for the most part.

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Monday Night Raw – July 31, 2006: What They Should Be Doing

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 31, 2006
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,401
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things are back to normal this week as HHH is back from the hospital after Stephanie McMahon gave birth. We’re on the road to Summerslam with about three weeks left and that means it’s time to start setting up some of the card. You can probably guess some of it from here but we still need some official announcements. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Shane McMahon to open things up. Vince says you can’t get the smiles off of their faces because his baby girl had a baby girl. His granddaughter is already more wealthy than anyone here and the celebration will keep going through Summerslam. That’s because the two of them will be facing D-Generation X at Summerslam. DX’s music starts….and then shuts off almost immediately. Shane mentions Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga tonight….and the music starts again, only to cut off even faster.

Then it plays for real as DX comes out, with Shawn giving Vince and Shane some Jewish greetings. HHH: “Uh, we’re not Jewish.” With that out of the way, Shawn talks about HHH being in the hospital room with Stephanie last week and he has the entire McMahon family photo album. First up is the first known photo of Vince, but please forgive the photography because these pre-Civil War photos don’t hold up well. It’s baby Vince (with the adult face) and an I HEART ROOSTERS shirt.

Shane’s first photo features a silver spoon in his mouth, with Shawn saying Shane jumped on the doctor’s table and started dancing with his umbilical cord. There’s one more, and that is of course a photo of the newest member of the McMahon Family. It’s HHH, with Shawn not being able to put his finger on who it is. Shane: “At Summerslam, we’re going to be changing your diapers.” HHH: “Did you just say you’re going to change our diapers?” HHH has some advice for Vince’s granddaughter’s nutritional health: SUCK IT.

We hear from the Diva Search girls, as they say who they want to send home. They’re going one at a time throughout the night, because we’re just that lucky.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Carlito breaks up Nitro’s rather lengthy entrance but Benjamin takes the two of them down and we go to an early break. Back with Nitro missing a running shooting star press, allowing Carlito to sunset flip Benjamin for two. Nitro gets knocked down so Carlito hammers away on Benjamin. There’s a hurricanrana to send Benjamin outside but he comes back in with a DDT to Carlito. Melina puts the foot on the ropes for the save so Shelton yells at her, allowing Nitro to roll Carlito up with tights to retain.

Rating: C. The action was good while it lasted but they only had so much time given the commercial. Nitro escaping with the title works well enough as Melina is a great way to keep the title on him. Carlito looked fired up here too, which isn’t something you get to see all that often.

Here’s Randy Orton for a chat. He has had a big career, and that includes his own reality show: Orton Knows Best. Orton brings out the rest of the cast: Nick, Brooke, Linda and Hulk himself, all of whom are a bit over the top with the parodies. Nick wants to be a wrestler like his old man, so Orton says he’ll have to get used to this, with Orton sending him to the floor.

Orton hits on Brooke so Hulk hits the catchphrases and posing. Orton knows he’s the over protective father and says he can kiss his career goodbye at Summerslam. For now though, he has another kiss in mind and kisses Brooke. The RKO lays Hulk out but Orton isn’t done, as he heads to the floor to slap Jerry Lawler for helping Hogan last week.

Armando Alejandro Estrada offers Vince and Shane a congratulatory cigar and has more boxes in his car. He’s off to get them, with Vince and Shane approving.

Lawler isn’t happy with what Orton did and wants to face him next week in Memphis, Tennessee. Just don’t expect a wrestling match.

Trish Stratus/Candice Michelle vs. Mickie James/Victoria

Torrie Wilson is guest referee. Victoria knocks Candice down to start but Candice cranks on her arm. That just earns her a knee to the face as JR talks about fishing. Mickie comes in for an exchange of forearms and a lot of shouting as Lawler is too busy talking about Orton to make horrible comments. Victoria gets crotched on top and the hot tag brings in Trish to clean house. A kick to the chest sends Victoria to the floor and Trish powerbombs Mickie to counter a hurricanrana out of the corner. Stratusfaction hits Mickie and Candice dropkicks Victoria to the floor as Trish gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Run of the mill women’s tag here with Torrie only there for the sake of promoting her appearance in FHM. It was rather striking how much easier this was to watch without Lawler’s usual antics though and that’s a rather nice change of pace. Not their worst effort either, with some of the better in-ring women out there this time.

Mick Foley congratulates Johnny Nitro and Melina on their win. Foley is a little anxious about being on the show for the first time in six weeks, so he asks Melina to come to the ring with him.

Melina introduces Foley, who says he is going to give the fans what they want: Foley and Ric Flair in the ring tonight…..going after the Tag Team Titles! Ok so that’s ridiculous, but they do have some similarities. They both like to take young wrestlers under their wing. Flair did it with Randy Orton in Evolution and Foley did the same thing with Melina. They both have famous friends too. Flair is a personal friend of the President of the United States while Foley is a personal friend of adult film star Christy Canyon. One of their friends made it to the top by screwing a lot of people, and the other is in adult films.

Foley has been on the front page of USA Today twice and has been interviewed by Katie Couric twice. Flair makes headlines for road rage incidents. Cue Flair, who says Foley needs to keep his mouth shut. Flair says the two of them are ready to go and this isn’t about Foley’s book. They’re booing Alex Rodriguez in New York and the people here are booing Foley because he’s lazy. Foley has been talking about the “imaginary bada****” that Flair has faced, sending Flair into a rant about Bruiser Brody, Stan Hansen and Harley Race, who would walk over Foley on their way to the bathroom.

Flair wants Foley with thumbtacks, ladders and barbed wire because he wants Foley’s blood. Flair rolls across the ring and says he wants whatever Cactus Jack has. Then you have Foley talking about his wife and kids while he’s running around with Melina. She’s the kind of woman who would be Space Mountainized fifteen years ago. Foley says Flair sees Melina as a conquest but he sees kindness in her eyes. And no, Foley isn’t going to take family advice from someone who has been married three times.

Foley talks about a fourteen hour flight with Flair from Manila where they talked about family. Flair called all four of his kids because you never know when you might not get to talk to them again. That’s a great relationship, but Foley will never have to tell his kids that he has been arrested. Flair punches him in the face but here’s Jonathan Coachman to say Vince McMahon has made the match for Summerslam.

Foley says not so fast, because his contract says he wrestles when he wants, where he wants, and he isn’t wasting one of his remaining matches on Flair. This was rather intense with Flair reaching levels he hasn’t touched in a long time and Foley doing his mind games and personal insults perfectly. The Melina addition is a little weird, but you could feel the personal animosity here.

Edge vs. John Cena is confirmed for Summerslam and if Edge gets disqualified, he loses the title.

John Cena vs. Matt Striker

Before the match, Striker says Cena damages the English language by calling his fans homies. Edge and Lita come out to join commentary as the STFU finishes in about a minute.

Rory McCallister vs. Johnny

Everyone else is at ringside. Rory grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved away, with Mitch throwing in the megaphone. The referee takes it away from Johnny and uses it to eject the Spirit Squad in a cute moment. Rory hammers away but gets slammed head first into the mat for his efforts. The headlock doesn’t last long on Rory, who slugs away and hits some ax handles to the chest. Johnny kicks him down but Rory grabs a quick small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. So the Squad loses the title match the previous week and then they start building up the team? I could go for a rematch after the first one had a screwy ending, but at least they seem to have a little something going. It’s not like the Squad has anyone coming after the titles outside of the Highlanders.

Here are the Diva Search girls so Rebecca can be eliminated.

We look at the Wrestlemania XXIII press conference.

DX is in their locker room when some investigators come in to say they have a reason to believe HHH has some illegal substances. They find the Cuban cigars and he’ll have to go downtown. Vince and Shane find this rather amusing.

Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga

Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga. Shawn slugs away to start and hammers away in the corner to little avail. Umaga gets annoyed so Shawn slides between his legs to the floor as the McMahons come out. We take a break and come back with Umaga hitting a running headbutt, followed by a kick to the face to put Shawn on the floor. Back in and Umaga stomps away in the corner before hitting the neck crank.

Shawn fights up as expected and chops away until the running forearm puts Umaga down. There’s the nip up so Estrada gets on the apron, only to be knocked down by Umaga. The pop up Samoan drop crushes Shawn though and Vince gets on the apron for some motivation. That’s enough for Shawn to hit a low blow but Vince grabs the leg to break up Sweet Chin Music. Shawn takes out Shane but the distraction lets Umaga hit the Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. Shawn can have this kind of match in his sleep and knows exactly how to face off with a monster like Umaga. The match was full of shenanigans of course and Shawn doesn’t lose much by getting pinned, but Umaga got a lot out of the win and that’s what matters. They’re building him up and if that’s what DX is good for in this run, so be it.

Post match the McMahons beat Shawn down, including a superkick to send a chair into his face. Vince makes HHH vs. Umaga for next week to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling wasn’t the focus as they built some things up for the future in a hurry. The McMahons having Umaga as their ace in the hole is the best thing that has happened to the story in a long time and we have the top part of the Summerslam card set. That’s a pretty efficient show and I could go for more of them like this in the future.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – July 17, 2006: Anyone Want To Make This Hard For Them?

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 17, 2006
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Saturday Night’s Main Event and as a result, absolutely nothing has changed. Therefore, it’s time to get ready for Summerslam and John Cena challenging Edge for the Raw World Title seems to be a likely choice. That is the kind of match that deserves the big stage and hopefully that’s exactly what it gets. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

D-Generation X joins us with a special message: a video recapping them being mean to Vince McMahon over the last few weeks. It’s not much funnier in a big video package either.

Here’s DX, featuring hometown boy Shawn Michaels, for a chat. Actually we make that a discussion of which shirt they are supposed to be wearing tonight. HHH thought they were wearing the old one, available at the merchandise stands and WWEShop.com. Michaels thinks it’s the new one, which is also available at the merchandise stands and WWEShop.com, though he has to read his locations off his wrist. HHH: “Easy there Miz.”

With the important stuff out of the way, Shawn has heard that Vince McMahon is kind of mad at them but they aren’t sure why. HHH takes a quick poll of the audience about whether or not they should stop. HHH: “Now come on Shane. Uh, Shawn. It’s live TV give me a break.” Besides, there’s no way the people here, in Shawn’s hometown of San Antonio, Texas, would want to see DX face the McMahons in a tag match tonight.

The fans disagree so HHH thinks we should make the match. Cue the McMahons, with Vince calling DX a bunch of degenerate juvenile delinquents. Vince says tonight, we’ll have Shawn vs. Shane, which seems to take the latter by surprise. Shane didn’t like Shawn’s impression, because he DOES NOT dance around like a midget on crack. Tonight, instead of the Alamo, these people will remember Shane beating Shawn 1-2-3. The DX plugs are always worth a chuckle.

Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

The winner gets a future Intercontinental Title show (or Cruiserweight Title shot according to the introductions). Shelton headlocks him down to start and the armbar is on in a hurry. That’s reversed into an exchange of rollups for two each before Shelton kicks him in the face for two. The chinlock is on in a hurry and Shelton switches to right hands and choking like a villain should.

It’s off to a sleeper, which is broken up in a hurry so Carlito can hit a clothesline. A springboard back elbow gives Carlito two but the Backstabber is countered. Shelton grabs a cradle but can’t reach the rope. Instead, Carlito reverses into one of his own and successfully grabs the rope for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see in this one and the ending was hardly in doubt after Carlito beat Nitro in the mixed tag on Saturday. There was no need to do anything tricky here and going with Carlito as the next challenger makes as much sense as anyone else. You can always use some fresh stars so pushing someone as a new face is worth a shot.

We look back at John Cena beating Edge via DQ on Saturday, though he did put Edge through the announcers’ table to continue the feud.

Trish Stratus hits on Carlito, who declares that cool.

This Week In Wrestling History: The Brawl To End It All. Yeah that was pretty big.

Trish Stratus/Torrie Wilson vs. Mickie James/Victoria

Candice Michelle is guest referee for obvious reasons. Mickie drops Torrie in a hurry and Trish has to be held back to break up some interference. Victoria’s dancing moonsault takes too long to set up though and it’s off to Trish to take over. Victoria whips Mickie into the corner but misses Trish, only to have Mickie break up the Stratusphere. Candice doesn’t like the interference and throws Mickie outside, leaving Trish to hit Stratusfaction for the pin on Victoria. Short match with an obvious point.

Armando Alejandro Estrada isn’t worried about Umaga facing John Cena tonight. Umaga has no comment on the subject, though he does shout after Estrada hits his catchphrases.

Mick Foley joins us from WWE Studios and yes, this is the shirt he wore when he was interviewed by Katie Couric. For now though, Foley wants to talk about Ric Flair, who remembers beating Foley two straight falls at Vengeance. Foley remembers it as Flair being left bloody and broke, which was Foley’s plan all along. That’s why Flair is getting no rematch, as Foley has nothing left to prove.

Charlie Haas and Viscera are not explaining their actions against Lilian Garcia last week.

We recap the Diva Search Boot Camp from Smackdown.

Highlanders vs. Jared Steel/Russell Simpson

Steel and Simpson jump the Highlanders from behind and the fight is on in a hurry. That’s about it for the offense as Robbie headbutts Simpson down and it’s time for Fun With Kilts. The Scot Drop finishes Simpson in a hurry.

Post match the Highlanders challenge the Spirit Squad for the Tag Team Titles. Unlike the Squad, they have something beneath their kilts.

Post break, DX meets the Highlanders and tells them to go meet Vince in his office. Make yourselves at home, shout in his ear, and hug him a lot. More on this later I assume.

John Cena vs. Umaga

Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga but Cena jumps him in the corner before the bell. Umaga shrugs it off and sends Cena flying through the chalkboard as the bell rings. A piece of the board goes over Cena’s back and the beating is on in a hurry. Cena tries to fight back but a shot to the throat cuts him right back down. A knee to the chest keeps Cena in trouble and his quick STFU attempt doesn’t work.

Umaga runs him over with a clothesline and here are Edge and Lita to watch Cena being tied in the Tree of Woe. The running headbutt connects but the running hip attack only hits corner. Cena goes after Edge, earning him a whip into the steps from Umaga. The top rope splash misses though and Cena slugs away, even managing the ProtoBomb. There’s the Shuffle but Edge comes in, allowing Umaga to hit a superkick into the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and while Umaga won with some interference, he still beat Cena and that is quite the accomplishment for someone who has only been around for a few months. Cena vs. Edge will be the big showdown at Summerslam, but Umaga got a lot out of this win. They’re trying something new here and hopefully it works out well for everyone.

Vince comes into his office and throws the Highlanders out for eating his food. One of them gives him a spank on his way out, which makes Vince jump.

Randy Orton vs. Eugene

Eugene’s jacket still has the green paint from last week. Orton takes him down in a hurry as the HOGAN chants start up. Eugene gets in a shot of his own and mocks Orton’s pose, earning himself a heck of a clothesline. The backbreaker into the RKO finishes Eugene in a hurry.

Post match Orton tells Eugene to never take advantage of the McMahons again. He would never take advantage of Brooke Hogan like that, because she’s a very pretty girl. Orton likes that song About Us, but he would like to show us his favorite hit. We see Orton giving Hulk Hogan the RKO onto the back of a car on Saturday, which somehow confused Brooke. I mean I know the Hogans are gullible but come on now.

Back in the WWE Studios, Mick Foley gives Melina a shout out and talks about how impressive Ric Flair was in his hardcore match. Flair got extreme, so maybe next week he can wear a flannel shirt or drive a minivan! Foley sings a little Michael Jackson to say that Flair is out of his life but here’s Flair in the arena to interrupt. Flair is bandaged up and shows us a clip of his match with Big Show on ECW. Flair: “That would be an a** whooping and a half!”

Here’s Miz for the first elimination in the Diva Search. Amy is eliminated and we’re having a Diva Dance Off this week on Smackdown.

Vince is annoyed at DX, and Shane finding an “I HEART COCKS” sign on his back makes it worse. Shane’s sign says “ME TOO”.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

HHH and Vince are at ringside. Joined in progress with Michaels sending Shane outside for an Asai moonsault and some right hands. Vince offers a distraction though and Shane scores with a Shawn forearm into the nip up (JR on Vince: “His boy Shane just won the pony.”). The top rope elbow connects and, after running around the ring, Shane tunes up the band.

The superkick is blocked though and Shawn punches him down. There’s the real forearm into the nip up (Shane’s was fake….somehow) and the elbow keeps Shane in trouble. Vince breaks up Sweet Chin Music so HHH chases him off. Cue the Spirit Squad to jump Shawn for the DQ.

Rating: C-. As is the case with most McMahon matches, keeping it short is a good idea. Shane mimicking Shawn was a good idea and the match could have been a lot worse under different circumstances. It’s good that Shane didn’t take the fall, but can DX ever break a real sweat in this feud?

Post match the Squad sends HHH into the steps and beats up Shawn. Shane loads up some chairs but HHH is back with the sledgehammer to clear the ring, because DX can’t look bad even when it’s six on one.

Overall Rating: D+. This show went by rather quickly but that doesn’t mean it went well. Cena vs. Umaga was interesting but the money match is against Edge. Then you have the DX vs. McMahons stuff and….yeah it’s starting to wear thin. There is a lot of juice left in the feud if they do it right, but that’s not what is going on. DX is running through the McMahons and/or their goons every week and that is taking away a lot of the interest in the feud. The rest of the show was your usual stuff, but they need to tweak that main event story in a hurry.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (2017 Redo): The Chamber Barely Survived

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (2012 Redo): Why Would You Trust Him?

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

The intro video is almost all about the Chamber.

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.

Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a mini-concert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.

RVD is stretching before the Chamber.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Victoria off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick gets two for Trish and a bulldog gets the same. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish in the face. A followup suplex of all things is enough to give Victoria the pin and the title.

Booker is getting ready.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Show and Heyman immediately bail.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Is it any wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this?) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws it to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Christopher Nowitski (a Harvard graduate from Tough Enough) is here to make fun of New York in a really dull promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took nearly eight minutes. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV World Title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.

Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth and goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the bulletproof, yes BULLETPROOF, glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber over the years.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

Redo: B-

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

Redo: B

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B+

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (Original): I Still Don’t Like It

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well, it’s a completely new company now, with the primary difference being the brand split. Also, HBK is back, having one final match at Summerslam and now another one final match here tonight. Tonight has no Survivor Series matches but we do have the debut of the Elimination Chamber. The other major difference is the reigning WWE (yes E instead of F) Champion Brock Lesnar, who has absolute taken the company and the wrestling world by storm as he won the title at Summerslam.

Rock is now gone off to Hollywood to make I think Rundown. HHH is heel now and is the reigning World Heavyweight Champion. The rest of the card really doesn’t look like much at all. We have a lot of the new guys that would come to define this era now, such as the Guerreros and Mysterio. This is of course most famous for the end of the Elimination Chamber, but maybe the rest is good too. Let’s find out.

First of all, the theme song for this show is Always by Saliva, which is my all time, undisputed favorite song, so I’m already loving this show. As tends to happen with the Brand Split shows, there’s no intro video and we head right into the first match.

Bubba/Spike/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Bubba and Spike come out to another Saliva song, as they might as well just have been the official band of the company at this time. That’s fine with me as I like them. They sucked in concert though, but the tickets were 15 dollars for three bands and they were certainly worth five bucks. Anyway, Bubba and Spike are the Dudleys now as D-Von is a preacher on Smackdown with a deacon named Batista.

Three Minute Warning is more commonly known as Rosie and Jamal, who is more known as Umaga. Rico is the, shall we say, flamboyant guy that just showed up earlier in the year. These guys are fighting for no apparent reason other than they’re a team feuding with another team. Jeff is there…well I doubt he knows why either. Three Minute Warning beat up Jeff and Spike on Raw apparently.

Bubba is wearing a black vest/shirt and camouflage shorts so he looks stupider than usual. As the match starts we get to the high spots as Bubba launches Spike at the big guys but they catch him. Bubba assumes the position and they set up Poetry in Motion for Jeff who is as far in the air as I can ever remember him getting. That looked SWEET. The what’s up hits on I think Jamal as they have to tag in this? I’ll never get the point in having tagging in gimmick matches like these. It just makes no sense.

The point of the match is to put people through tables yet you can get disqualified? Yeah that makes zero sense. Bubba gets a table set up in the corner which gets Spike head rammed into it. Rosey dives at Spike but misses so he goes through it himself, which doesn’t count because he wasn’t put through it by an opponent. We’re already in a spot fest here which is what this should be. I can’t imagine any of them being able to work a long term match so this is the best thing they could have done.

Spike is taken out by a double powerbomb which makes sense as he tends to just suck most of the time anyway. If he wasn’t such a strange character, Rico could have been something special. From what I’ve read he’s a great cop though so that’s a good thing. He had a real job to fall back on which is something I completely respect.

After a brief exchange of power between the faces and the heels, we move out into the crowd. Rico shouting at Jamal to get Bubba makes me chuckle. I love how again they’ve just said screw the tag rules and are going insane after about a minute into the match. All five guys are back together again as JR is all of a sudden stunned that a Hardy and a Dudley are working together.

Jeff climbs way in the air and hits a swanton through Rosey through a table off part of the set. Again, the high spots are making this one work. Everyone but Hardy is back in the ring now. Rico goes for a moonsault but seems hesitant to actually jump. He turns to look at the other side of the ring and clearly can be heard and lip read saying Jeff come on dang it! Oh that’s just great Rico. Naturally Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico goes down about a second later.

That was just completely horrible and inexcusable on Rico’s part. I know Jeff is the one that missed the spot, but there had to be another option. Rico as a heel could act like he has another idea, or he could pretend to slip, or he could pretend to be scared. There’s a ton of other options besides exposing things like he did. The faces start their comeback with Jeff leading the charge. I wouldn’t have believed that he would one day be a three time world champion.

Considering what I’m watching, that’s just weird to type. Jamal puts Jeff through a table but for some reason they say it was Jeff messing up that caused it. Jeff messing up? NO WAY. It’s completely stupid because a second later, Jamal goes to the top and splashes Jeff through the table. Well that was a waste of time but it was a cool looking spot. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that these two would have a rather lengthy feud over the IC Title in the future.

That’s why you pay attention to the midcard and openers: you never know when they might be having decent matches in the future. The splash was sick at least. So we have Bubba against a future IC Champion and the guy that was John Cena’s old tag partner in OVW (talk about two careers that went in opposite directions). Bubba counters a hurricanrana attempt by Jamal into a powerbomb through the table so we have Bubba and Rico. Yeah this isn’t interesting anymore.

Three Minute Warning come back and beat the heck out of Bubba, but D-Von runs out in Dudley gear to reform the team. He beats up both big guys on his own to set up the 3D on Rico to a MASSIVE pop. This was when the Dudleys actually meant something. Bubba, after getting help on a 3D which took awhile to set up, is surprised that D-Von is there. That makes no sense but ok.

Rating: B. From a technical standpoint, this match was crap. However, considering what it was supposed to be, this was great stuff. It was mainly high spots and violence, but that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. The crowd was WAY into the reuniting at the end, so they’re fired up, meaning this match has more than done its job.

You have to consider what kind of a match you’re watching. Not everything is going to be like Savage vs. Steamboat, but a lot aren’t supposed to be. I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make when grading matches and it’s not a fair comparison to make. Considering what this was, it was great.

Stacy is at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York since they couldn’t just call it WWE New York I guess. She looks as amazing as ever, showing off her perfect stomach in a nice blue number. She’s Test’s PR person at this point, meaning she says testicles a lot. She introduces Saliva who sings Always, making this segment awesome. They’re at the club, so that’s a very nice touch.

This is spliced together with short highlight packages of the feuds for this show. Also, the singer, Josey Scott, DESPERATELY needs to grow his hair out again. He has it really short now and it looks horrible. This looks like a decent performance. Why in the world weren’t they this good when I saw them? This song set to the HHH vs. Shawn feud is great for some reason. They’re doing a concert at the club and as they go into Click Click Boom we go back to the arena.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

This was around the time where the belt meant absolutely nothing at all. More or less there would be a challenger of the month and someone would get a big non title winning streak against the champion, which would Noble in this case. Kidman beat him in a non title match of course, because that’s just how things are done. No one cared about the title at all and the way it wasn’t built up at all was living proof of that.

Naturally, this is going to be the match of the night because these guys are going to go nowhere and having no storyline whatsoever other you pin me, I pin you, we get a PPV paycheck because of it. Oh yeah Noble is with his girlfriend Nidia at this point, who was a co-winner of Tough Enough. Both have just terrible music that’s so painfully generic. Tazz says Noble has something up his sleeve, despite him not wearing a shirt, meaning he has no sleeve. That’s not my insight or joke.

Those are the exact words he said. Amazing. The crowd is deader than Noble’s career at this point. Kidman goes for the shooting star (Both Bourne’s and Lesnar’s are better. I don’t mean the botched Mania one, but the one in OVW. Go look it up. It’s RIDICULOUS. He just jumps into the air and hits it halfway across the ring. It’s one of the truly mindblowing moments in wrestling history), but Nidia pulls him out.

Shockingly, once the match picks up, the crowd is alive. All of a sudden this is good. Kidman hits a forward DDT off the top rope but somehow only gets a two. Since Noble is the champion he has to respond. So he sets Kidman on the top rope for a spike DDT. Think of the thing Orton does when he puts someone’s feet on the middle rope and DDTs them, but a rope higher and a shorter guy so it’s at an even sharper angle. DANG my mouth just fell open.

That looked awesome and it got a great reaction. Naturally it should cripple him so it gets a two and within fifteen seconds Kidman is back in control. And you wonder why these guys get criticized. After a brief comeback, Kidman hits the shooting star for the title. Well that was abrupt to say the least. I really hate Kidman’s bad rap music.

Rating: C+. Well the beginning flat out sucked. After about two minutes though, they just went at it and it got good. The lack of pins when they should have happened hurt things a bit though, or at least Kidman being in control after a sick DDT fifteen seconds later is just stupid, but other than that, this was fine. It’s not great, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Benoit and Angle argue over who the captain is. Benoit is breaking the rule of wearing your own brand’s shirt means jobber. Angle has reached baldness at this point. After they stop arguing, Benoit sticks out his hand, but Angle hugs him. The look on Benoit’s face is breathtakingly funny.

Jericho, rocking a three inch minimum beard, is getting ready. We’ve seen RVD do this earlier in the night.

Crazy Victoria gets in an argument with her mirror that she shatters. Victoria as a psycho is one of the sexiest gimmicks of all time, hands down. King and Ross debate this as Always plays so this is great again. We recap Trish vs. Victoria which is something about Victoria being held back by Trish, with part of the package being set to a rip off of the Psycho theme. How awesome is that?

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

This is hardcore rules. Sadly Victoria just has generic rock music here instead of All The Things She Said, which fit her so well. They really were nailing music around this time. How did they mess that up later on? Trish’s music just plain works. This might as well just be billed as hotness in a ring as Trish is of course gorgeous and I’ve always had a thing for Victoria. I think it’s the jet black straight hair, but that’s just me I guess.

They fight with a broom and for some reason I feel like I’m watching some kind of screwed up ballet or interpretive dance thing. It’s just odd indeed. Lawler implies that Victoria is ugly. What the heck? I mean, yeah Trish is likely prettier but that’s like saying Ted Turner isn’t rich compared to Warren Buffet. Turner is hardly a poor man. Granted he probably got close with how much WCW lost but whatever.

There are people walking in front of the entrance which is again across from the cameras and it’s rather distracting. Let’s fight over an ironing board because there’s nothing weird about having one of those in a match at all. The “ugly” diva is bleeding from her nose. How in the world is she supposed to be ugly? She’s GORGEOUS. Heck I’d even say she’s a knockout. That was dangerously close to being clever. Trish gets a kick to Victoria’s chest.

Since no one noticed that the kick missed apparently, Trish just does it again which looks stupid as it makes you think that something was wrong with the first one. For some reason the way JR is talking about the women using things on each other makes me think I’m watching something rather different. Actually that’s not a bad idea. Victoria wins out of absolutely nowhere with a snap suplex. That again just came out of freaking nowhere. More Victoria bashing as she leaves which is just stupid.

Rating: C-. This was…different. It was ok but it just wasn’t what these two likely should have been in. I get the hardcore aspect given Victoria’s character, but this never had the right feeling to it for me. It wasn’t bad, but it just didn’t feel right if that makes sense. They looked good, but just not in the right place. I have no idea what I meant by that so don’t bother asking.

Booker is getting ready as we hear more Always.

Bischoff is talking about something when Big Show comes in and says he’ll be sorry for trading him. Why? For winning a title on another show? How does that prove anything? Whatever.

Brock (who gets a pop) and Heyman are in the back also, with Heyman being nervous. Brock has a broken rib (more on that later) which explains the nervousness.

We recap the feud with Brock and Show, which doesn’t really exist. Brock had won a feud against Taker and Show beat up Taker, which somehow got him a title shot. The idea is simple: Show is too big for Brock to throw around like he has done to everyone else.

On Smackdown, Brock had called out Show and beat the living tar out of him with a chair. The chair actually looks tiny between these two, despite Brock not being incredibly tall (6’2). Heyman and Brock had been showing signs of tension, more or less giving away the ending to this match already.

WWE Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Show’s stupid outfit of choice around this time was the singlet top and long black pants. Not tights mind you, but pants. And people wonder why this guy is criticized like no other main eventer ever. Show has some arm injury or something. Crowd pops like a coconut for Brock. He’s more or less a face already at this point so we were just waiting for Heyman to screw him over.

With Brock it’s a classic case of someone that’s supposed to be a heel but is just such a freak that he gets wildly over anyway. The crowd is completely for Lesnar here with a big chant for him starting about eight seconds into the match. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s pro Brock or anti-Show. Big Show is probably at the worst stage of his career here as he just completely and utterly sucked.

No one, I repeat no one, wanted to see him here to do anything but make Brock look awesome, and that’s why he’s here. Think about it: what better way to make Lesnar look great other than to have him throw around the biggest guy in the company? Show starts off with his standard offensive strategy of “let’s do as little as possible but try to make it seem like I’m doing a lot because I’m so freaking fat.”

Naturally, it doesn’t work as Brock just spears the heck out of him. Shame he didn’t do that more often with the Vikings. Show just looks idiotic dressed the way he is. It looks like he’s getting dressed for his job as an accountant or something like that. When Vince wrestles dressed like that, it looks fine because he’s not a pro wrestler and more or less is just a street fighter in a wrestling ring. Show is a multi time world champion. See why that’s stupid?

Lesnar actually gets a decent belly to back. I say decent because it sucked but Big Show is more or less dead weight because he’s spent three minutes in. Lesnar makes up for it with a German. That was nice. My goodness Show is horrible. I mean seriously, all he’s doing are forearms, bad punches and weak kicks. Brock is legit hurt here and is doing 99% of the work, mainly because Show is spent.

Following a ref bump, Lesnar gets a fine (given the circumstances) overhead belly to belly on Show. This guy is legit scary. Despite his client kicking Show’s face all over the Garden, Heyman throws in a chair and you can see it coming a mile away. Show is back up and breathing in enough air to suffocate the first nine rows. Brock gets his chair shot punched and more or less says boy please by cracking Show over the head and F5ing him, in something that just blows my mind completely.

He’s legitimately hurt, and he pulls that off. I mean just DANG. Here’s your other referee, and here’s your Heyman heel (I guess) turn to go with it. Cole’s commentary is bad to put it mildly. The look on Brock’s face is scary. I mean really scary. He chases Heyman but gets nailed with the chair and chokeslammed on it, and Show wins the title as the fans are mad. I don’t mean mad because the heel won, but mad in the sense of who freaking booked this because we want them shot.

This was less than four and a half minutes, actually making it one of the shortest world title matches where the title changed hands in history. Heyman and Show embrace as Show looks stupider than usual somehow. Cole saying that it’s surprising because Lesnar and Heyman have been together since Brock got there. That’s about seven months if you’re counting. The heels run to their waiting limo and leave naturally as we get the second replay of this.

Rating: D-. This is a tale of two ratings here. Lesnar gets a pass in every sense of the word here. I mentioned the ribs being a point of interest. They were injured by Show at a house show because he wasn’t safe in the ring at this point. Lesnar was supposed to go over Show here but because of the injury, the Big Show of all people gets the belt. I’ve never seen a main event guy that flat out didn’t deserve it as much as he did here.

I mean he was just flat out embarrassing out there. It was nothing but punches and forearms, while Lesnar can barely breathe because his bones are in pieces and he’s out there throwing Show around, yet he’s the one that has to lose the freaking belt because Big Show, the fat load that he is, injured him and there’s no other way to go.

THANKFULLY, Show was champion for a month as he dropped it to Angle at the next PPV, leading to the absolute classic of Benoit vs. Angle that happened at the Rumble. I can’t wait to get to that one. Anyway, Show sucks, Lesnar is the freaking man, end of story.

We go into the recap of the three way feud between Edge/Mysterio, Angle/Benoit, and the Guerreros. More or less, Angle and Benoit won the inaugural tag titles in a tournament (Billy Kidman and John Cena were partners. How weird does that sound?) beating Edge and Mysterio in perhaps the best tag match of all time the previous month.

Edge and Mysterio took them from them in a 2/3 falls match on Smackdown. The Guerreros are there…well because there was nothing else for them to do I guess. The main thing here is Angle and Benoit are arguing over who the captain is, but when they get in the ring they’re so awesome that it doesn’t really matter.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Benoit/Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Rey is still more or less a rookie at this point. This is elimination rules also. Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, who are engaged, are at ringside. This was a disturbing angle, but it led to a lesbian angle with Torrie and Dawn Marie, so it’s awesome. Al might have been the first WWE TV character to actually die. That’s saying a lot. The intros take forever as Benoit, Angle, Edge and Mysterio all have their own entrances.

Edge is getting all kinds of pops, as is Mysterio. That’s saying a lot considering Benoit and Angle are far bigger stars. We start with Benoit and Mysterio. That’s fine by me. Cole calls the match where Edge and Rey won the titles historic. Why? It was a 2/3 falls match and while it was good, I’d hardly say it was historic, but it’s Michael Cole so just a bit over the top is good for him. Angle gets another great pop as the crowd is white hot for everything here.

Eddie and Chavo are both cowards of course. Imagine if Edge and Mysterio were midgets. Chavo would be running for his life. Rey comes in and gets things going much faster which is what you need him to do. Eddie is just a midcard guy here and wouldn’t get a real main event push for a little over a year. Anyone can tag anyone here, making this very interesting indeed. This is a really fast paced match which makes sense given who’s in there.

Kurt slams his shoulder into the post as hard as anyone I’ve ever seen. That was painful looking. This is another of those matches that is hard to make fun of because it’s good so far. Angle was back to being goofy at this point which hurt him a bit, but it worked in the ring still. He puts a front facelock on Rey, which after eight minutes at that pace, I think it’s ok for a short break.

As soon as they break that up, Kurt and Rey crank it right back up again and the crowd is right back into it. That’s a good sign that the crowd stays with you. Angle goes for the tag but Eddie and Chavo hit the floor as Edge comes in. Edge and Kurt had been feuding for awhile now with Edge, resulting in Angle’s lack of hair. Angle counters the spear into the ankle lock and Benoit adds the crossface for the double submission attempt.

Rey hits a springboard seated senton to take out Kurt and then a dropkick to take out Benoit. Chavo pulls Angle to the floor as Rey hits the ropes and launches a corkscrew over the ropes to take them both out. Benoit starts the rolling Germans but on the third one, Eddie comes off the top with a sunset flip to Benoit who doesn’t let go of Edge, resulting in Benoit being in the sunset flip and Edge being suplexed at the exact same time.

Beginning with the Edge spear and ending with the kick outs from Edge and Benoit, that took about thirty seconds and was possibly the most exciting thirty seconds in the history of the Survivor Series. I was in absolute awe of it and that hardly ever happens to me. That was absolutely epic. Within seconds, and by that I mean like two, they’re going again, this time with Benoit beating on Edge even more.

He goes for the headbutt but Eddie hits the Frog Splash, but Benoit hits the headbutt to break up the pin. Before anything else can happen, Angle runs in and puts the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit has the crossface on Edge. Chavo brings the belt in which is something that I hate. It was one of the fastest paced and flat out entertaining matches I can ever remember seeing until then, but I guess it fits the gimmick.

Benoit thinks Angle hit him because he took the belt from Chavo. Benoit and Angle get into it, allowing Rey to hit Benoit to set up for the spear, eliminating Benoit and Angle. They lay out the champions before leaving in an argument, which sets up their best match of their absolutely epic series at the Rumble. Wow once they left the life got sucked out of this thing. I’m thinking one fall might have been the way to go here.

Rey comes in with a springboard cross body so high you would think he was Jeff Hardy. Edge spears both guys in the corner at once to set up the worst move ever: the Bronco Buster. It doesn’t hit which makes me cheer. Rey hits the 619 but Chavo hits the belt shot to the back which makes Rey tap to the Lasso From El Paso, which is more or less a weak Boston Crab. I’m really not wild on the standard cheating to win the belts here at all.

This could have been great and the first half was, but sadly this was the end of the greatness that was the early days of the WWE Tag Titles. Within less than a year we would have teams like Haas and Rico and Rikishi and Scotty winning the titles. The belts became jokes of course because Vince can’t allow any great wrestling on any show period, because it might make them realize that half of the stuff he’s got is just flat out terrible.

Rating: B. This is another tale of two matches. The first half, which is with Benoit and Angle, was some of the most entertaining, breath taking fast paced greatness that I’ve ever seen in a tag match. The part after that could have been an example from a book called How to Have a Boring Title Change.

I mean there was nothing that would have kept that part from being on any run of the mill TV show or house show for that matter. That’s how typical it was. From what I’ve read, this match was blown out of the water by the No Mercy match which had no Guerreros in it, so that’s on my short list of must see matches.

Chris Nowitski, a Harvard graduate and Tough Enough guy that could have been a decent midcard heel if he hadn’t gotten injured. He has a degree from Harvard though so I think he’ll be fine. He got a bad concussion at a house show and was forced to retire. He now does a ton of great work studying the long term effects of concussions and does special appearances for WWE.

It looks good for a guy like this to be on Vince’s payroll, as it shows he’s actually caring or at least pretending to care about the long term health of his workers. Anyway, Chris cuts a decent anti-New York promo here. Considering he had been in the company about five months at this point, he wasn’t half bad. He never would have been anything great, but he could have made a pretty good manager or commentator, something along the lines of Matt Striker.

Actually, as I’m writing this it’s 3:30 AM on September 25. meaning to me it’s still Thursday night. It just so happens that Thursday the 24th was Chris’ gimmick that I’ve always loved. I have no idea what it was, but I loved it. What I could make of it was that he more or less started a cult/fan club, with his opening video being set up to look like a website, complete with really funny factoids on the side, traditionally two per entrance.

Tonight we learn that “Matt keeps the room temperature at a toasty 75 degrees” and “Matt only drinks lowfat chocolate milk.” This gimmick was one I always liked, which is saying a lot as there’s not a lot of them that I like. This one is unique to say the least though. He teases being a face by asking Chris who he thinks he is because apparently Chris didn’t insult New York strongly enough.

Matt’s promo is about as good as Chris’, which means that it’s a failure. Chris is a rookie and Matt is a veteran, meaning that it’s ok for Chris to be below average, but not for Matt. This was pretty weak, but as they leave we discover the point to this as Scott Steiner debuts. This was a bit of a surprise, but he had been on Confidential, which was one of the Saturday night shows that started off as great and wound up sucking, the night before saying he was a free agent.

This would lead to a bidding war between Raw and Smackdown, eventually won by Raw and leading to perhaps the worst match ever with him and HHH at the Rumble. He just happens to be in his gear for no apparent reason and beats the heck out of both heels without saying anything at all. Oh dear Scott Steiner has a live mic. Oh good it’s just his catchphrase. Anyone that doesn’t believe steroids happen in wrestling, just look at this freak.

Terri is with Shawn (who has the stupidest looking haircut of all time) as he’s talking about why he believes he can win the title when we have BREAKING NEWS from RNN. This was a short term gimmick that the newcomer known as Randy Orton was doing. Orton, with some fairly long and messy brown hair, talks about how he came to Survivor Series, but don’t worry, because the flight didn’t hurt his shoulder any worse. Keep sending those get well soon emails!

We get a clipped down version of the video earlier recapping the feud. The basic idea is HHH vs. Shawn vs. four other upper midcard guys that have a prayer, but it’s highly unlikely that it’s going to end with anything other than DX exploding. Remember, this is Shawn’s 3rd match in nearly five years, if you count the Mania match against Austin. That’s ridiculous to say the least. Part of this feud was the great moment where Shawn came out in a wheelchair and got up to take out HHH.

HHH gets interrupted by Coach who is just a freaking moron, at least on camera. HHH actually says that the other five guys are some of the best in the world. That’s saying a lot coming from him. He says he has a first class ticket to a very warm place and the only question is who is coming with him. That’s almost a great line.

Bischoff comes out and walks us through how the chamber works and how deadly it is. If nothing else it looks awesome. The match isn’t weak at this point like it’s become now. The day before I got to this part, the announcement was made that No Way Out will be turned into another theme PPV about this. I really hate that. Hearing the words Elimination Chamber used to be a big deal, but now it’s just a cliché. It’s far worse with Hell in a Cell though.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho vs. HBK vs. Booker T vs. RVD vs. Kane

This is in the Elimination Chamber. If you didn’t know that by now, then PAY ATTENTION YOU MORONS! Jericho is out first, which means that he and the other three after him will be in the pods. For those of you that have never seen one of these matches, the idea is fairly simple despite looking complex. You have a massive cage around the ring complete with a metal floor so in essence there’s the ring itself and then another area around it in a circle.

Behind each of the four ring posts there’s a smaller chamber with a person inside of it. We being with two men in the ring and four in the pods. After five minutes, another man is released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Jericho’s entrance is awesome as he’s using a Saliva song, and as he comes out we cut to the World where Saliva performs it live. That’s very cool when you think about it. Booker is next.

He’s here…uh…actually I have no idea why he’s in this. I guess because he’s a big name. He would feud with HHH heading into Mania, so I guess I’d call this a tryout in the main event scene for him. Jericho lost the title to HHH at Mania so there are his credentials in case you were wondering. Ah Booker pinned HHH in a tag match a few weeks ago. It’s better than no explanation I guess. Kane is third. I don’t think he really needs an explanation.

There’s actually four faces and two heels in this match, which is odd indeed. This was during the time where Vince came up with the BRILLIANT, YES BRILLIANT I SAY idea of unifying the midcard titles with the singles titles, so for about eight months there was no Intercontinental belt. Kane was the last champion before losing it to HHH a month or so prior to this, which I guess is why he’s in here. Shawn is fourth, to a solid pop.

He’s wearing brown tights. Yes I said brown. Two things about his entrance: JR says who else could this be? Well JR I don’t think Shawn sings anyone else’s music so I’d guess it’s him. Also, Fink introduces him as HBK: Shawn Michaels. I’ve never heard him called that. Ross is mentioning all of the wrestlers’ records at this show. Kane is 4-1 and Shawn is 5-5. Dang that’s a lot of Survivor Series appearences.

That leaves us with RVD vs. HHH to start, which sounds like a bad recipe for alphabet soup. Flair cheated RVD out of his title match at Unforgiven, so this is technically his rematch. Allegedly the chamber weighs ten tons. I could see it being 9.97 tons but not ten, there’s just no way. Flair is with HHH as that little thing called Evolution is on the horizon. In an interesting stat, HHH is 0-6 coming into this Survivor Series.

That’s quite surprising and a stat like the Streak that just kind of sneaks up on you. Yeah Evolution debuted February 3, 2003, which was my 15th birthday for those KB enthusiasts out there. There’s the bell and we’re on. Or is it off? For the absolute life of me, I don’t get why Vince refused to push RVD. Madison Square Garden is cheering for him so loudly that it’s hurting my ears. But since he’s from ECW, that’s the only reason he’s being cheered. It couldn’t be talent or anything like that.

Less than a minute in, they’re out on the area between the pods outside of the ring. This really is a cool looking structure. We have our first bloodshed inside of two minutes. With HHH on the cage floor, Van Dam does Rolling Thunder through the ring and then over the top. That was very sweet looking. Van Dam is beating the tar out of HHH here. He goes to climb one of the pods but Jericho literally pulls him partially into it, getting his leg inside. That was cool looking.

They beat on each other some more, which is the polite way to say that Van Dam is massacring him, as Jericho is the third man in. After some generic fast paced stuff, we get what’s likely he most famous spot of the match, as Van Dam jumps at Jericho but instead of hitting him, grabs onto the cage in mid air, sticking to it “like Spiderman” as everyone on the planet said, but Ross gets credit for.

It gets more cheers from the crowd, but that doesn’t mean anything at all because Van Dam just isn’t capable of carrying a crowd, because they don’t know what they want as much as Vince does. We get another famous line as Ross says these men are playing Russian roulette with their careers. Jericho shouts that he’s the king of the world. I didn’t like him in Titanic and was glad when he sank.

Lawler points out that HHH craves to be champion. Wouldn’t that mean that he’s content at the moment? Booker is in third and also gets a big pop, but he couldn’t be champion either because HHH gets better heat than he gets pops, so naturally HHH has to go over him too.

As was mentioned in my Summerslam 2002 review, this was a period of time in HHH’s career where all the criticism of him comes from as he simply wouldn’t lose to anyone, no matter how big of a star they were unless their name was Shawn Michaels. Booker comes in and kicks everyone half to death but before he can go back for the other half, we have a Spinnerooni.

He and Van Dam go at it for a bit as we hear again about how Van Dam is like trying to pour smoke through a keyhole or whatever that expression is. Why do commentators always misuse the word literally? It’s really not that hard to get it right at all. Can Booker do anything other than kick people? That’s all he’s done in this match so far. RVD goes for the Five Star but goes up to the top of the pod and comes off with the splash, or at least he tries to.

The problem is the ceiling curves up to a point so there’s nowhere for him to jump, so more or less he falls on HHH. Van Dam’s leg lands on HHH’s throat and we go to a wide shot so we won’t see the referee throwing up the X. It was legit, so Booker hits a top rope dropkick (shocking isn’t it?) for the pin on Van Dam as HHH tries to breathe. He would have to take some time off because of that injury actually, so it was kind of serious.

The fans boo Van Dam’s elimination out of the building, but he’s not over at all because Vince has decided he’s not, and Vince is never wrong, right? Jericho and Booker try to buy HHH some more time by chopping the heck out of each other.

Kane brings some needed fresh blood into this match. This was probably the hottest period of his career other than his debut, and if they were ever going to put the belt on him, it likely should have come around this time, maybe in the spring after Mania. Alas, it would never happen and ONCE AGAIN they just turned him into a monster with nothing even remotely resembling direction of any sort. I hate that.

The guy is a former world champion, he’s big, he’s strong and he’s over, but we can never put the belt on him. Guys like RVD and Booker are both incredibly popular here, but neither would get the belt for almost five years from this point, or six years after they debuted. Benoit wouldn’t get the title for over four years and the same was true for Eddie. However, someone like Brock or Taker can come in and within a year be world champion.

It continues the long running theory I have: if Vince didn’t create them, he’s not going to push them. That’s why it annoys me when we see guys like Santino and Hornswoggle on TV all the time. Vince created them, so he’s going to push them down our throats until they get over or we stop complaining about them.

Instead of putting someone from outside of the company or someone that came up with the gimmick on their own that’s actually interesting, we get stupid things like Cedric the Entertainer and Al freaking Sharpton. Oh yeah Vince, keep up that in touch booking that you just love to do. And people wonder why the company nearly died in 2003. Anyway, Kane uses his standard stuff to beat on Jericho and Booker for awhile as HHH is still down.

Jericho starts another bad tradition in gimmick matches by being the first person to be thrown through the “bulletproof” glass. I can’t stand when they overhype stuff like that and then just completely destroy the mystique of the thing. In reality, Jericho would be cut to pieces here and likely in need of a hospital. He’s bleeding to an extent, but it’s far from horrible.

HHH is back up as Jericho, who isn’t dead, gets rid of Booker with the Lionsault after about a minute of rest. Jericho tries to climb a pod and you can hear Kane say where are you going Chris as he grabs him and pulls him down. That’s just creepy. As has been the custom we have two guys fighting and the other two are down. That’s kind of cheap but I can see why they have to do it. Actually I can’t. Why not have more violence?

If Jericho can get up after being thrown through “bulletproof” glass, then the whole pain thing is no big deal. The interval between Kane and Shawn is longer than five minutes to give him less time in the ring I guess. He comes in to a long but not very loud at all pop. Kane takes him down with a clothesline though, so that takes care of that. Never mind as he’s back up. Michaels isn’t quick but he’s sudden. I’ve heard that about a dozen times and have no clue what it means.

Ross lives in his own little world most of the time and I really don’t want to be there. Kane chokeslams everyone but doesn’t cover any of them because that would make sense, and we can’t have any of that of course. He goes to tombstone HHH but is shoved into Sweet Chin Music. He sits up and gets a Pedigree and the Lionsault ends him to get us down to three guys. What follows is more or less just the two of them beating the tar out of Shawn and making him bleed badly.

They also work on Shawn’s back a lot, which at least makes sense. Hey, did you know Shawn has wrestled once in almost five years because he broke his back? I wasn’t sure if you knew that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back. I just wanted to make sure that it was known that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back.

Shawn makes a small comeback but gets dropped on the cage floor to end that one. Shawn nips up only to be knocked back down again, which is one of the fastest pops and ending of a pop I’ve ever heard. He kicks out of the Lionsault and you already know the ending, but you don’t want to believe that it’s possible HBK winning the title really would have been a mind blowing thing as he had just come back and it was really considered a short term thing.

Jericho hooks the Walls, but HHH breaks them up for no apparent reason and they start going at it. They beat on each other for awhile so Shawn can rest a bit. I’m fine with that as he has very limited cardio at this point more than likely. Jericho hooks the Walls on HHH but gets his head kicked off and it’s one on one for the title, and all of a sudden it’s possible. HHH uses the spinebuster, which I don’t think had a name when Anderson used it.

I think I remember it being called the Anderson Drop at one point, which I kind of like. Did he really invent that move? If he did, that’s quite cool. Naturally HHH beats on Shawn even more with a focus on his back. Despite being introduced earlier as HBK, Ross says he’s no longer the Heart Break Kid. Is there a reason for that? To further complete the likelihood that Shawn will win the title, he gets launched through the bulletproof, yes I said bulletproof glass.

Despite being nearly murdered, he keeps fighting. There comes a point where things just get stupid. Also, credit should go to HHH for staying in this, but I don’t get why he stayed in there if he was hurt, given the ending, but whatever. Shawn catapults HHH into the cage to get another break as the fans are in this to an extent but I think they’re just spent at this point as we’re at about thirty seven minutes at this point. For the thousandth time, Shawn has heart. Note to JR: WE GET IT!

In a flat out DUMB looking spot, Shawn goes to the top rope and literally just stands there for a few seconds, not even looking at HHH. HHH clearly gets up, but Shawn goes to the top of the pod behind him and HHH LAYS BACK DOWN to get the elbow. Ok, I get that it’s staged and everything, but give me a break. At least get kicked or something before you go down. That’s just freaking idiotic.

If nothing else it got the fans into it again for a bit, but at this point I think they know what’s coming here. Those brown tights are just moronic looking. Was there some massive joke about wardrobe tonight or something that was preplanned? Between Show and HBK I feel like I’m watching a bad Christmas play put on by an elementary school.

To further stupefy this match, Shawn kicks out of the freaking Pedigree. Ok, that’s it. This is freaking absurd. Ok, I get that Shawn is a big star. I get that Shawn is one of the biggest stars of all time. I get that his comeback here is something that is very impressive.

But to do this now with HHH giving him not one but TWO massive rubs that A, Shawn doesn’t need and B, someone, ANYONE of the other four guys in this match could have made a career out of is without a doubt the most self centered, egotistical thing that I can ever remember seeing. I know he’s a bit better about it now, but this is just more HHH nonsense. If you want to give Shawn the title for the nostalgic run, fine, but blast it give someone else a freaking rub!

Don’t make it look like Shawn, who at this point is a has been off the street (He hadn’t wrestled or trained hardcore in YEARS at this point so he’s starting completely from scratch) is able to not only beat HHH once, but get through Kane, RVD, Booker and Chris freaking Jericho to do it? Are you telling me that you consider them that low on the totem pole Vince?

Yes, Shawn is a bigger star than every single one of them, but to say that he could beat them all in his second match in four and a half years based on sheer will and heart alone is as big of a slap in the face as you can give to those four men that are working so hard and getting FAR bigger pops than Shawn has gotten all night long.

Shawn comes in LAST and lays around getting beaten on for most of the match and really just doing jack in this match other than with HHH, so let’s reward him with the belt and another title reign that means nothing while everyone else that goes out there and works to have a good match and get the audience into the show, a.k.a. CARRYING THE MATCH, is just built up to be eventually fed to, you guessed it, HHH.

Of those four guys, let’s see what they would go on to do after this. Booker: feud with HHH, get massive pops, have the best run of his life, and then job to HHH at Mania in a throwaway match. Kane: fed to Batista, ANOTHER musclehead that couldn’t do a thing back then. Jericho; fed to Shawn in a good feud. RVD: nothing.

With no IC title to hunt for because HHH has to be CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, RVD just kind of floated around for awhile until getting a tag team with Kane that won the pointless tag belts. Shawn and HHH, who were doing WONDERS for the ratings, (as in taking them to levels of low not seen this millennium) would keep feuding over the belt before HHH fought ANOTHER muscle guy in Scott Steiner for two months in what are considered to be two of the worst matches of all time.

All the while, Benoit and Angle and Lesnar would be having some of the best matches in years on Smackdown and getting NO recognition for it, because they weren’t named Shawn and HHH. I can certainly see where the hate for HHH came from back in the day, as this was nothing but an ego play on his and Shawn’s part. They just HAD to be the center of attention again because they think it’s 1997 again, and Shawn still can’t draw.

Instead of letting guys like Van Dam or Booker or Benoit or Angle, the guys that are getting pops and having great matches, carry the company, we get more “nostalgia” moments that no one wants to see because HHH and Shawn want to clutch to their old spots, and even today, eight days before the Hell in a Cell PPV, they’re still doing it. I really hate them both at this moment, but that’ll pass in awhile. As for the match, Shawn gets up and counters another Pedigree for the kick and the belt to end it.

Rating: B. Despite my longest rant ever here, this was a good match. I HATE the way they decided to end it, but the match and the drama were there. The intervals between eliminations were all relatively long with the shortest being like seven minutes or so, which I like.

It makes it seem like these people are hard to eliminate, which is the point of the match. The wrestling is there, but this is a long match. Next year’s would be too short though, so around thirty minutes is where this needs to go. This was good though, despite my own bias about it.

Overall Rating: B-. As I read on another review of this show, the wrestling is good, the booking is bad. I don’t like using the same conclusions I found somewhere else, but that’s exactly right. The wrestling here really is solid, but the Guerreros, Big Show and Shawn winning just don’t work for me, plain and simple. Luckily for the two singles titles, they only lasted for a month as both changed hands again at Armageddon.

This is a different kind of show, similar to maybe the Rumble with everything leading up to one major match, which is ok I guess. I could easily see some people being bored out of their minds here while others love every second of it. Go find a copy of the tag title match but I’d only watch the first fall as it’s some of the most entertaining stuff you’ll ever find. If you’re a fan of HHH and HBK, you’ll love the main event and vice versa. Overall, it’s good but not great, so I’ll recommend it with an asterisk.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – June 5, 2006: The Face Looks Good On Him

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 5, 2006
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for One Night Stand and that’s a big deal, but at the same time, it is interesting to see what ECW is going to do when they come back full time. Last week, things got interesting when Paul Heyman announced that Kurt Angle would be joining the show. I could certainly go for more from Paul Heyman this week and hopefully that is what we get. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Shane McMahon comes in to see an anxious HHH, who is not looking forward to possibly joining Vince McMahon’s club. HHH is ready to explode but Shane says go talk to Vince and it’ll be fine.

Opening sequence.

Cena, barely able to contain his laughter, asks about the passionate fans before saying he is one. He isn’t going to be just handing over the title jack, but everyone knows that Van Dam is going to fight. Cena has fought and bled to keep it too though, so Van Dam better be ready. This soldier is locked in and ready to fight and they both sign. We get a handshake but Heyman says Cena has something else to do first. There is going to be a WWE vs. ECW battle royal so now it’s time for Cena to get a little preview.

Cue a bunch of ECW guys to surround Cena, who looks cool with it. Cena: “Hey Paul Heyman, let me guess: these guys are all here for John Cena autographs right?” Cena says he’s going down swinging so the fight is on until Sandman canes him in the head. Sabu grabs a chair and drives him through the table until Big Show and a bunch of other guys come in for the save. They’re doing something different with ECW this year and that’s a good idea. If nothing else, it makes more sense to have them go after Cena in a big swarm like this as no one is going to buy Cena as being in trouble against one or even two of them.

Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Non-title. Shelton knocks him down to start and fires off some knees in the corner. Carlito fights up and snaps off a dropkick, only to get kicked in the face for his efforts. We hit the early chinlock as Lawler thinks Carlito’s hair is a cry for help. That’s broken up for some clotheslines and the springboard elbow to Shelton’s jaw gets two. Shelton misses the Stinger Splash and the Backstabber gives Carlito the clean pin.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here, other than the champ losing clean in about four and a half minutes of course, because Shelton isn’t allowed to look impressive for any extended length of time. I’m still not wild on Carlito but they have to push someone as the next challenger and this is about as logical of a move as they have.

Video on See No Evil.

HHH reluctantly goes into Vince’s office but finds Coach, who goes to get Vince. The fact that there is a large photo of Shawn Michaels being forced to join the Club isn’t exactly encouraging. Post break, Vince comes in to talk about how awesome of a time he had in New York earlier this week, including a special sand blasting of a certain area. HHH shrugs that off and says this isn’t happening. That sends Vince into a rant about how HHH needs to lead the locker room by example, but we have a plan B. Instead, HHH can face the Big Show and if he wins, the whole Club thing is off the table. Let’s just have that match….now.

HHH vs. Big Show

HHH slugs away in the corner but charges into a gorilla press. Show gets low bridged to the floor though….and here’s the Spirit Squad to jump him for the DQ, meaning HHH’s Club deal is still on.

Post break HHH storms into Vince’s office and blames Vince for that, but Vince says a deal is a deal. If HHH doesn’t do it, he never gets any title shot ever again.

Eugene vs. Matt Striker

Before the match, Striker asks why Eugene thinks he can win. Eugene says he has a tutor, so here’s Jim Duggan of all people. Striker jumps Eugene from behind and hits a quick DDT for two. The chinlock goes on so Duggan starts the EUGENE chant, which means the comeback is already on. An airplane spin dizzifies Striker but he counters the Rock Bottom into a neckbreaker. Duggan’s flag waving distracts Striker though and Eugene hits a three point clothesline for the fast win.

Here’s hometown boy Kurt Angle for a chat. Angle knows he’s part of ECW but nothing was going to stop him from being here in Pittsburgh. Cue Mick Foley to interrupt and this could be interesting. Foley isn’t happy with Angle going for the blatant cheap pop like that because that’s his deal. Angle asks if Foley had a bunch of cash waved in his face to turn on ECW and says everything Ric Flair said about Foley was true. Angle: “WOO!” Foley brushes that off and says that he heard Angle was having an open challenge at One Night Stand. Paul Heyman said it though so it’s probably a lie. Angle: “Oh it’s true Mick, it’s d*** true!”

Angle knows Foley is in his tag match, but come answer the challenge and get another paycheck like a hair prostitute. Angle: “Speaking of hairy prostitutes, hi Lita!” Cue Lita to whisper something to Foley. That would be a special introduction, as here’s Edge as well. Edge talks about shaving Angle’s head and compares Angle to the Pittsburgh Steelers, but he’s really more like the Pittsburgh Pirates. Like, Willie Stargell for instance. Not the All-Star version of him, but the rotting corpse which has been dead for five years.

The trio gets in Angle’s face so Angle threatens to break Edge’s ankle. Edge: “Ok wrestling machine.” Edge talks about Angle’s history with ECW and thinks he would have been a better pick for ECW. He’s the #1 contender to the WWE Championship though and Angle won’t last two weeks in ECW. Angle promises to change the face of ECW and goes for Edge’s ankle. The Angle Slam cuts off Foley and the ankle lock has Edge in trouble until Lita makes the save. The trio bails so it’s Randy Orton running in for an RKO to drop Angle.

BUY THE WRESTLEMANIA DVD!

During the break, Orton said he was accepting the challenge after Angle put him on the shelf for sixty days. I didn’t know Angle came in suspension form.

Lance Cade vs. Kane

Kane knocks him around without much effort to start and decks Trevor Murdoch off the apron for a bonus. The side slam sets up the chokeslam….and the lights go red with the old Kane mask appearing on screen. The mask says to come back so Kane walks up the ramp for the countout.

Cade and Murdoch celebrate so we got to the back where Kane says come fight him. The costumed Kane pops up behind him and beats the unmasked Kane down.

The Highlanders are coming but first it’s time for some shenanigans in New York. I liked these guys.

Charlie Haas vs. Johnny Nitro

Haas runs in and hits the ropes, knocking Lilian Garcia off the apron in a heap. Melina looks down at her and we cut to a shot of Haas in a hurry. Haas knocks Nitro into the corner to start but gets dropkicked outside. Melina rakes the eyes for a bit and Nitro kicks him in the back for two.

Nitro forearms to the back and grabs a cravate as the LILIAN chant begins, mainly because she is being helped to the back. Lawler manages to blame this on ECW as Haas monkey flips Nitro down onto his face. Haas rains down right hands in the corner until Melina comes in, intentionally falls down, and grabs her ankle. This is enough of a distraction for Nitro to grab a rollup for the pin, making Haas the dumbest wrestler in….well at least this week.

Rating: D+. That distraction ending was pretty awful as Haas looks like the biggest numskull imaginable. There wasn’t anything to the match either with Haas being his usual self and Nitro somehow needing help to beat him. Nitro’s Raw tenure hasn’t gone well, but at least he isn’t losing again.

Back from a break and we see Lilian being taken to the back after being knocked to the floor. Justin Roberts is taking her place.

Victoria vs. Beth Phoenix

Mickie James and Trish Stratus are here as well. An early distraction lets Victoria hammer away to start and a kick to the ribs sends her into the ropes. There’s a knee to the back for two more but Beth is back with a snap suplex. Some clotheslines set up a dropkick for two and Beth nails a side slam. Mickie offers a distraction though and Victoria grabs a rollup with tights (which are pulled WAY out of position) for two. Beth is right back with a Michinoku Driver for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match itself was just there, but what mattered here was Beth broke her jaw at some point but finished the match anyway. That would be it for her for over a year on Raw as she would need a bunch of surgeries and then get sent back to OVW for a bit. She hid the injury rather well, but she was grabbing her face as soon as the match was over. As you should probably do.

More on See No Evil.

Vince is looking forward to humiliating HHH again and tells Shane about the special treatment he has been giving his….it’s called an a**ial. Moving on.

BUY THE DUSTY RHODES DVD!

We look back at ECW beating John Cena down earlier.

Jerry Lawler has been hearing from Tazz for years and knows how bad a man Tazz is. Bad at wrestling that is because you aren’t allowed to choke in wrestling. ECW isn’t known for following the rules though, like you must be this tall to ride the roller coaster. Tazz says he has one last match in him, so Lawler promises to make One Night Stand Tazz’s last stand.

One Night Stand rundown.

HHH yells at Shane and says he isn’t doing this. Shane says Vince just wants respect and wants HHH to stand up to him. He hands HHH a water and calls Vince, but HHH switches waters with Shane because he’s not that stupid. Shane says everything is fine.

Here are Vince and Shane for the Club initiation. Vince runs down the history of the Club and talks about its various members, including Jim Ross and Shawn Michaels. With the required JR insults out of the way, here’s HHH, downing his water on the way to the ring. Vince says HHH can be the leader of the locker room by doing the right things as HHH starts looking a little shaky. HHH starts staggering and falls down, which Vince thinks means he needs to do some kissing. The pants come down but Shane collapses and HHH pops up. There’s the Pedigree (with the camera making sure to catch Vince’s full thong shot) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They’re going hard with the ECW stuff, but it didn’t really feel like anything got a ton of focus here. There are some big matches set for the card but the idea is more that ECW is coming rather than focusing on any one match. That’s a good way to go and something you didn’t get last year with the original reunion. I like the direction so far and while this wasn’t the most focused show, I want to see the pay per view and that’s what matters most.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Night Raw – March 27, 2006: The Wrestlemania IV Anniversary Show Which Has Nothing To Do With Wrestlemania IV

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 27, 2006
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania and I’ve been digging the heck out of the last few shows. Tonight features a match which would be a much bigger deal at a different time but for now it’ll do well enough: John Cena vs. Vince McMahon. Other than that it is time to build things up for Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

A rather enthusiastic Vince McMahon is in his office to welcome us to the show and hypes up his match with John Cena. Just to be fair though, his Wrestlemania opponent Shawn Michaels will be in action tonight too, against HHH.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Mick Foley, with wet hair and carrying a red box. He is ready to face Edge in a hardcore match on Sunday but it does not give him the right to stick his fingers down Lita’s throat. That is why he has brought an apology gift for Lita: a bouquet of roses from inside the box. There is another box for Edge on the stage, so Foley invites Edge and Lita to join him. Edge and Lita come out but Edge doesn’t want to hear it because the present could be a trap.

Foley says it is something Edge can use at Wrestlemania, so Edge says that Foley could use a win at Wrestlemania. All Foley does anymore is dip into his legacy in the name of a paycheck and one day the account is going to run dry. Foley cuts him off to say that it’s all about the Wrestlemania Moment and he has something in mind. He pictures Edge bleeding all over and begging for mercy but since Foley has lost his ear, he can’t hear any of it.

We see the trailer for Edge vs. Foley and come back to Foley cradling the barbed wire bat as the Cactus Jack theme plays.

Kane vs. Carlito

Carlito jumps him for an early two and that’s about it for his offense at the moment as the left hands have no effect. The sleeper doesn’t work either as Kane uppercuts him down and hammers away in the corner. The running clotheslines set up the side slam to drop Carlito again but he kicks the knee out. A DDT gives Carlito two but Kane is right back up with a hand around Carlito’s throat. Carlito grabs the referee for the fast DQ.

Post break Kane chases Carlito into the back where Chris Masters, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch all jump him. They throw him in a closet and put a forklift in front of it but Big Show comes in for the save. There is no key though and Kane is trapped.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge for Big Show but he is still in the back, trying to shove the forklift. Kane pops up behind him though and Show is stunned. Show: “How did you get out???” Kane: “There’s another door.” That’s one of the funnier things I’ve seen WWE do in this era. So we go to the ring where Kane chases Carlito off. Masters can’t get the hold on so he jumps Show and gets chokeslammed. So much for that.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child will be singing America the Beautiful at Wrestlemania.

Long and well done video on John Cena’s training in the gym and road to the top of WWE. None of his friends are betting against him, but Cena knows what it means if he loses. He has made a living out of proving people wrong though.

The final inductee into the Hall of Fame: Tony Atlas.

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

The slugout is on to start with Shawn hammering away in the corner and doing the same on the mat. HHH gets knocked to the floor and then over the announcers’ table. Shawn posts him and they head into the crowd with a backdrop sending HHH right back to ringside. Back in and HHH grabs the facebuster but the Pedigree attempt is backdropped to the floor. Cue Vince to menacingly point though and we take a break.

Back with HHH hitting a nice spinebuster and a knee to the back of the head for a bonus. Some right hands to the head and an elbow to the jaw put Shawn on the floor, meaning HHH can send him into the steps. Back in and Shawn gets in the forearm into the nipup and the crowd is rather pleased.

Vince grabs the foot and gets on the apron though, only to have Shawn catapult HHH into him. The top rope elbow hits HHH but Vince breaks up Sweet Chin Music. That earns him a right hand but HHH uses the distraction to grab the Pedigree. Vince comes in and holds Shawn so HHH can pull out the sledgehammer. Cue Cena for the save and the ring is cleared for the no contest.

Rating: C+. These two can have a good match with each other in the right circumstances and this one was close enough. They did what they could do here given how much there was going on elsewhere and that worked out well enough. I want to see both Wrestlemania matches and they can only have so many things to help set the two of them up at this point.

Wrestlemania Big Time Moment: the first Money in the Bank match.

During the break, Vince said that Shawn can be in Cena’s corner because HHH will be in his.

Here’s Ric Flair, with a ladder in the ring, to talk about losing the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania VIII. People thought that was it for him but he has won the title again since. He has one more title run in him so he can finish his career with seventeen, and he is starting with that briefcase. Flair starts climbing the ladder but here’s Shelton Benjamin to tell him to shut up.

Shelton thinks he needs to shut up because Wrestlemania is his night. The fight is on and Shelton goes up but here’s Rob Van Dam to pull him down. Rolling Thunder onto Shelton onto the ladder lets Van Dam say Sunday is every man for himself. Flair pokes him in the eye and gets in a ladder shot to leave them both laying.

Spirit Squad vs. Val Venis/Viscera/Eugene

Kenny, Johnny and Mikey for the Squad here and it’s Viscera with a swinging Boss Man Slam to plant Mikey early. Eugene comes in to ride Mikey like a horse so Johnny comes in to send Eugene into the corner. That means some Michael Jackson dancing, allowing Kenny to come in for an elbow. Eugene gets over for the hot tag to Venis so commentary can make some innuendo jokes. Kenny uses the trampoline to jump up and break up the Money Shot though, allowing Johnny to steal the pin.

Rating: D+. You’re only going to get so much out of a team of jobbers who sound like they are the kind of people who would walk into a bar. The Squad needs to actually win some matches for the sake of actually having a point around here other than cheering so this worked as well as anything else. They kept it short too, as they should.

Post match the beatdown stays on, including the quintuple slam to Eugene. The Squad throws in a bonus cheer on the stage. On a minor note, Venis seemed to hurt his shoulder here, which was an excuse for him to go away for three months for elbow surgery. Why WWE felt the need to write off Val Venis isn’t clear but well done on the attention to detail.

We get a video on HHH, talking about how he is the top star in WWE and how no one can do it like him. This includes his Wrestlemania training, with him working to get in the best shape of his career. He even went to Brazil to train with a special trainer. That’s some dedication.

William Perry is going into the Hall of Fame as well. Makes sense for Chicago.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Earlier tonight, Mickie James, surrounded by candles, was sitting in a shrine to Trish Stratus (there are a bunch of magazine clips and a sign saying LIAR). Mickie says her obsession is Trish’s destruction.

Trish is disturbed but Torrie Wilson, and her dog, are here for the tag match.

Trish Stratus/Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle/Victoria

Torrie wants to start with Candice so Victoria knocks her down for suggesting that she can intimidate anyone. Candice comes in to drop Torrie again and hit the Go Daddy dance. Victoria comes in but misses a charge into the corner, where Candice is sitting on the top. The hot tag brings in Trish to clean house, including the spinning anklescissors to Victoria. Candice and Torrie get in the catfight on the floor as Trish escapes the Widow’s Peak and hits Stratusfaction for the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah I’m not sure what else you were expecting as Trish is FINALLY getting on to someone else who can give her a good match other than Victoria. It’s a little strange to see Trish and her serious story mixed with the goofy Playboy stuff but waiting for Trish vs. Mickie was as good as you were going to get at this point.

Video on Mickie’s obsession with Trish.

Vince McMahon vs. John Cena

HHH and Shawn Michaels are the seconds. Actually hang on as Vince insists that Shawn and HHH are handcuffed to the ropes to make sure that it’s one on one. Vince dodges to the side to start because he needs to pull on the ropes a bit. They lock up and go nowhere as the fans are behind Cena (shocking). There’s a head/throat lock from Vince but Cena powers out with a top wristlock. Back up and Vince calls for and receives a test of strength. This goes as you would expect with Vince in some serious pain, so he kicks Cena low for the DQ.

Rating: D. This wasn’t exactly a normal match and that’s a good idea. You don’t want to risk Cena getting hurt six days before Wrestlemania and Vince is only going to be good for a garbage brawl anyway so this was as good as you were going to get. It’s more of an historical curiosity if nothing else and that’s fine enough for the circumstances.

Post match Vince uncuffs HHH, who grabs the sledgehammer. A shot to Cena’s head busts him open and a rib shot to Shawn lets Vince get in a chair shot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s kind of a weird show as they had me wanting to see Wrestlemania on the way in and while they set things into stone a bit more, I’m not sure if I want to see the show all that much more. The wrestling wasn’t all that great of course, but this was the show designed to keep people safe, with only Shawn and HHH having a match with any substance and that included a lot of brawling. Not terrible, but this show is always a little weird.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Saturday Night’s Main Event #32 (2020 Redo): The Commercialization Of Wrestlemania

IMG Credit: WWE

Saturday Night’s Main Event #32
Date: March 18, 2006
Location: Cobo Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

And then there’s this, as we need a two hour commercial for Wrestlemania. The main event is a handicap match between the John Cena/HHH (the Raw main event) and Rey Mysterio/Kurt Angle/Randy Orton (the Smackdown main event), though it could wind up at any part of the show. There’s also Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon in a street fight, which could have some strong potential. Let’s get to it.

Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon promise to destroy Shawn Michaels tonight.

Shawn Michaels says if he’s going down, Shane is coming with him.

HHH is going to be champion again at Wrestlemania when he beats John Cena. Cue Cena to say HHH is tagging with the champ tonight.

JBL admits that it was a bad idea to challenge Steve Austin to a beer drinking contest but he’ll teach Austin something tonight.

The Boogeyman is coming to get us.

I miss these fifteen second promos. Why don’t we get these things more often today?

Opening sequence.

HHH/John Cena vs. Randy Orton/Kurt Angle/Rey Mysterio

Cena and Orton slug it out to start but Angle tags himself in and suplexes Cena down. There’s another suplex but it’s too early for the Angle Slam. Instead Cena hits a spinebuster as the arena is rather full of smoke from the pyro. HHH comes in so Angle suplexes him for a change. There’s the tag to Rey for a few near falls on HHH until he pokes him in the eye. Cena shoulders Rey down but a headscissors takes HHH over for a change. HHH pulls Cena out of the way of the 619 and blasts Rey with a clothesline as we take a break.

Back with HHH sending Rey hard into the barricade, much to Cena’s annoyance. Cena won’t tag in but Angle does come in to break up a cover off a spinebuster. The sleeper cuts off the EDDIE chants but Rey is out in a hurry. Rey knocks HHH off the top though and hits the moonsault. A dropkick is enough for the hot tag to Orton, who gets beaten up by Cena in a hurry.

Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here but it was a good idea to have the pin be a fluke. It also made sense to have such complete insanity for most of the ending, as it fit everything that was going on. None of these people wanted to team together and it wasn’t like this was anything more than a spectacle. They didn’t treat it as anything such either and that was the right idea here.

Cena and HHH pose at each other.

Here’s who is going into the Hall of Fame.

Booker T. has a bad knee and can’t face Boogeyman tonight. Teddy Long cancels the match and Booker limps out of the trainer’s room with Sharmell. They both break into big smiles.

Here are Edge and Lita for the Cutting Edge, complete with a table covered in weapons. Tonight’s guest is Mick Foley, who is so pathetic that all he can do is say a city’s name and put a sock on his hand. That isn’t exactly cutting edge, so Edge wants him out here right now for the Wrestlemania beating.

Cue Foley, with Edge lighting the table on fire. Foley turns it over and beats Edge up before pouring out the thumbtacks. Lita gets in a cheap shot though and Edge knocks Foley onto the tacks. Foley gets up, smiles, and chases Edge up the ramp for a neckbreaker. He even gets extra violent with a Conchairto. Once Edge started talking, this whole thing was only about six minutes long.

Long recap on Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels. They’ve done a very good job of making me want to see Shawn superkick his head off so well done on the build.

Sharmell and Booker have gotten changed and dance in happiness. Cue Boogeyman from the ceiling and they run off screaming through the hall.

It’s time for the beer drinking contest between Steve Austin and JBL, who Texas Two Steps out of the limo. After another opening sequence for the second hour (or second hour and ten minutes or so), JBL talks about how happy NBC is to have him on the show. JBL gets in the insults to Detroit, including the jokes about the carmakers, the labor unions, the mayor, and of course the sports teams. He’ll win the US Title at Wrestlemania and make everything better, but here’s Austin in the truck to cut him off.

Austin says it’s good to be on this show and back in Detroit, but he’s thirsty. He doesn’t understand why JBL challenged him to the contest and thinks JBL is about 6’1 and 205lbs. JBL tries to correct him and talks about drinking a case of beer for breakfast and fifteen pitchers for lunch. That sends JBL into a rant about how Austin tries to buck the system but here are the rules for the contest. Austin: “All right.”

JBL has Canadian beer and they each have 25 beers with a minute to drink each. He insists that they go back to back, with JBL insisting that he isn’t Brokeback Mountain. Austin: “No comment.” JBL mentions the one minute time limit and Austin asks if he’s a one minute man. JBL: “You been talking to my wife?” They start, with JBL pouring his beer out instead of drinking it. Austin calls him out so JBL throws a beer at him and runs. Cue Chris Benoit to throw JBL back in for more beer dousing and the Stunner to complete the extended cameo.

Candice Michelle and Victoria admire Candice’s Playboy cover.

Candice Michelle/Victoria vs. Trish Stratus/Mickie James

JR: “Mickie James is a little psycho.” We get a recap of Mickie’s obsession with Trish and we’re ready to go. Trish and Candice start things off, so of course we get the Go Daddy dance. Candice chokes away both with hands and rope, allowing Victoria to get in a kick to the face. The slingshot flipping legdrop gives Victoria two and we hit the front facelock. The fans are rather pleased with Mickie bouncing on the bottom rope to cheer Trish on and Trish throws Victoria off. Victoria is smart enough to knock Mickie off the ropes, only to walk into Stratusfaction for the fast pin.

Post match Mickie says this is goodbye, but she wants to say it the right way. She tries to kiss Trish but only gets the cheek, allowing Mickie to hit the Chick Kick and scream a lot. Mickie even hits the Stratusfaction, with Lawler saying she doesn’t get even but she gets odd.

During the break, Mickie says she loved Trish and shouts if Trish loves her now.

Wrestlemania rundown, including Booker T. vs. Boogeyman.

Here are Mark Henry and Daivari for a chat. After a video on Henry attacking Undertaker and the casket match being set up as a result and a break, Daivari rants about how Henry isn’t scared of anything, including Undertaker. Henry says Undertaker is afraid of him and he will shove Undertaker into the coffin.

There’s the gong and the druids bring out the casket, followed by Undertaker himself. After the long entrance, the slugout is on with Henry running him over. They head outside with Undertaker whipping him into the steps and then chokeslamming Daivari onto the casket. A Tombstone puts him onto the casket as well as Henry is gone.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

Street fight and Vince is here with Shane. Shawn runs up the ramp to jump Shane and we start in a hurry. A chair goes over Shane’s back and Shawn loads up an early table. Vince gets in a cheap shot from behind to put Shawn down though and Shane throws in a ladder. Shawn goes back first into the post twice in a row and Shane climbs the ladder. Shawn doesn’t stay on the table long though and superplexes Shane from the ladder (in the ring) through the tables (on the floor) for the huge crash to send us to a break.

Back with Shawn knocking Shane down again and loading up the ladder in the corner. Shawn climbs said ladder but Vince gets in a few kendo stick shots to the back to knock him back down. Shane drops the ladder onto Shawn’s back and Vince is rather pleased. It works so well that Shane does it again for two and there’s the running ladder shot to the face for the same. We hit the double arm crank for a breather but Shawn is up with a DDT. Shane is fine enough to chair him in the face but Coast To Coast misses, with Shawn pulling Vince in the way of the trashcan.

There’s the flying forearm into the nipup and the comeback is on. The top rope elbow connects and Sweet Chin Music does the same, only to have Vince pull the referee out. Shawn goes after Vince but Shane gets in a low blow, setting up the Sharpshooter. Vince immediately calls for the bell to give Shane the win. JR: “Michaels has been castrated of his dignity!” JR never was one to let things feel small.

Rating: B-. They beat each other up well, but that big superplex spot was a weird thing to put in the first half of the match. It worked out well enough though and the anger continues to build in Shawn, to the point where he should be ready to annihilate Vince at Wrestlemania. It was a story building match, but it was entertaining at the same time.

Overall Rating: C. This was nothing but a big commercial for Wrestlemania and in that sense it worked out well enough. Nothing on here is overly bad and the show really did seem to fly by. It isn’t a show you need to see, but it also isn’t anything that you would regret watching. The energy was there and for a one off special to set up a big show, it was perfectly fine.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Night Raw – March 13, 2006: The Balancing Act

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 13, 2006
Location: Ford Arena, Beaumont, Texas
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

We’re still on the way to Wrestlemania and John Cena vs. HHH is starting to look good. Other than that you have Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels in the big soap opera feud, which is setting up Saturday Night’s Main Event later this week. I’m not sure what else we are going to be getting on the way there but it could be a good one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Shane McMahon to open things up, along with some security and what looks like a doctor. There is no way this can end well. They get inside and there is a black curtain waiting in the ring. Vince talks about how they both beat Shawn Michaels last week, but after the matches, Shawn was slurring his speech and could barely stand. Therefore, it is clear that SHAWN MICHAELS IS ON DRUGS!

Tonight, Shawn is going to take a public urination test. Shawn is ordered to come out here right now so here he comes in a hurry. Vince doesn’t like the pro-Shawn chants and wants to know why Shawn did what he did last week. Shane calls him a hypocrite and a disgusting junkie. Vince isn’t done and says that if Shawn tests positive, he forfeits both Saturday Night’s Main Event and Wrestlemania.

Shawn goes behind the curtain with the doctor as Vince cuts a PSA about not doing drugs. The doctor has the sample in the cup and Vince asks Shawn if he has anything to say. Shane thinks Shawn should just say no, but Shawn says it’s better to be p***** off than p***** on. Shawn throws the cup into the McMahon’s faces in a segment that would be copied almost verbatim in 2020. I know Vince loves this stuff but egads it can be grating to sit through.

Post break, Vince and Shane rapidly wash their faces and mouths, with Vince making Shawn vs. the Spirit Squad in a cage.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and Candice Michelle is at ringside. Victoria charges at her to start but gets Thesz pressed down for some right hands to the face. A kick to the head slows Trish down and the spinning side slam gives Victoria two. Victoria’s over the back choke has Trish in more trouble and she gets dumped outside. That doesn’t go anywhere and they’re back inside for a double clothesline. Trish is up with the handstand into the spinning headscissors but Candice breaks up Stratusfaction. The Widow’s Peak is loaded up but here’s Torrie Wilson for the save as Candice has the referee. The Chick Kick retains the title.

Rating: D+. Given that the Torrie vs. Candice feud is built on who looked better in Playboy, what are you expecting from a match with the two both getting involved? Trish vs. Victoria is one of the only good combinations they had for a long time but they did it so many times that it wasn’t exactly interesting again. Not the worst, but it was more about the people not in the match.

We get a movie trailer for Mick Foley, which is rated O for Overrated. It includes a bunch of clips of his Wrestlemania losses, plus some critics saying they can’t wait to see Foley lose to Edge.

Edge vs. Goldust

Cowboy Troy, the host of a country music competition show, joins commentary. Goldust starts with the hip attack as commentary completely ignores the match to plug the show and talk about country music. Edge hammers away but Goldust comes back with some right hands and the powerslam. Granted since the camera is on commentary, some of the impact is kind of lost. The right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble but a Lita distraction lets him hit the spear for the pin.

Rating: D. They really didn’t have another time to do the country music thing? This was just a way to get Edge on screen and run the trailers, but the focus was on the cowboy. Goldust wasn’t going to do anything here and I had forgotten he was even with the company at this point.

Post match Edge mocks Cowboy Troy and rolls his own trailer, promising to end Foley for good at Wrestlemania. Back in the arena, Edge says Foley will be his guest on a special hardcore edition of the Cutting Edge at Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Big Time Wrestlemania Moment: Roddy Piper vs. Morton Downey Jr.

Trish interrupts Maria’s chest workout (with the Bowflex Extreme) to ask if she has seen Torrie. Maria hasn’t, but Trish finds Torrie out cold with a Playboy on her chest.

Verne Gagne is going into the Hall of Fame.

It’s time for the John Cena/HHH contract signing, with Coach running things. Both guys come out and HHH throws his feet on the table. Before signing, HHH talks about Cena FUing Big Show last week. That should kill a normal man, but not John Cena. At Wrestlemania, that doesn’t mean anything because the match is a formality. The title is coming back home, and HHH signs his side. Cena signs as well without saying anything. HHH: “And just like that, it is over.”

Usually this is the time where HHH hits someone with a sledgehammer, so Cena says bring it on. HHH doesn’t need an advantage this time though, because Cena is already at a disadvantage. Cena laughs it off and threatens to violate HHH if he tries to use the sledgehammer. They both get up but here are Big Show and Kane to interrupt. HHH has the sledgehammer attached to the table but here are Chris Masters and Carlito to jump the monsters. Vince pops up to say not so fast and makes a six man tag main event.

Shawn Michaels vs. Spirit Squad

In a cage with Texas Tornado rules. Ignore commentary saying that it’s Shawn vs. the entire Spirit Squad when only four of the five are in there. The team gets smart by climbing in from different sides of the cage and Shawn can only fight them off for so long. They toss him into the air for a big crash and then into the cage but a big Poetry In Motion misses. Kenny misses the top rope legdrop and Shawn starts slugging away, including the top rope elbow to Mikey. Sweet Chin Music hits but here’s Shane to slam the door on Shawn’s head and put Kenny on top for the pin.

Rating: D. Another angle disguised as a match and that’s fine. They’re doing a nice job of making you want to see Shawn beat the fire out of both Vince and Shane (more the former than the latter) and that’s how you set up a match like this. There isn’t much else that can be done and they have gone with this for months now. Give us a good payoff and it will be fine.

Post match Shane sends Shawn into the cage and asks for it to be raised. Shawn is busted open and Shane hits the Van Terminator.

Trish says Torrie has a concussion and is out of Saturday Night’s Main Event. Mickie James comes in to offer her services as a replacement. After the match, they can go their separate ways. Trish agrees and Mickie has a creepy smile.

Video on Steve Austin, featuring the old Oh H*** Yeah song.

Vince is pleased with Shane and announces that Jim Ross is coming back to call the match. Shane threatens to bloody JR if he doesn’t call the match right.

Smackdown Rebound.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam

Shelton is defending and Ric Flair is on commentary. There is no Mama Benjamin though because she is having heart surgery, all because of Flair causing her to get even worse. Feeling out process to start with Rob driving him into the corner and hitting a running clothesline. A dropkick puts Shelton on the floor but he comes back in and runs the corner to superplex Rob back down.

We take a break and come back with Rob caught in an armbar as Flair talks about where he wants to be partying in Chicago after winning Money in the Bank. Shelton misses a dropkick and Rob starts striking away, setting up a running splash for two. The stepover kick puts Shelton on the apron and the top rope kick to the face makes it worse. Shelton grabs the title so Flair takes it away, only to be knocked outside by Rob. A rollup with a grab of the ropes retains the title.

Rating: C. The commercial and ending took away from what they had here but it was a nice job of pushing Money in the Bank, which hasn’t had the biggest build so far. Then again it’s not exactly a concept that needs a lot of setup. Flair doesn’t really fit into the idea of a ladder match but the match is set up in a way that he can be used in the right way.

Saturday Night’s Main Event rundown.

Carlito/Chris Masters/HHH vs. Big Show/Kane/John Cena

Show shoves Carlito into the corner to start and it’s off to Kane for a clothesline. The side slam drops Carlito again but it’s a rake to the eyes, allowing the double tag to Cena and HHH. The fans seem to like this but HHH hands it back to Carlito before doing anything. Cena drops him in a hurry and glares at HHH, allowing Masters to get in a cheap shot from behind.

Carlito comes back in to stomp away for two, followed by a lifting Downward Spiral for the same. Cena avoids a charge in the corner though and brings in Big Show to clean house. Everything breaks down and HHH is left alone with the monsters. The double chokeslam is loaded up but Carlito and Masters come in with chairs for the DQ.

Rating: C. Run of the mill main event tag match here and they’re doing a good job of making me want to see Cena vs. HHH. Cena wanting to fight and HHH hiding until Wrestlemania makes sense and that’s a nice way to set things up. Carlito/Masters vs. Big Show/Kane isn’t exactly the same thing but when have the Tag Team Titles been?

Post match the tag teams leave and Cena tells HHH to bring it. HHH teases getting in but Randy Orton runs in for the RKO to Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was kind of a weird one as they are less than three weeks away from Wrestlemania but at the same time they are building towards Saturday Night’s Main Event. They managed to make it work this time though and that’s a nice thing to see, even if the wrestling wasn’t great. Cena vs. HHH is going far better than I remember and it feels like a major match. Just get down to Wrestlemania though and things will feel a lot better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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