Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and the show is mostly together. The big story continues to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title, but we also seem to have the issues between Vince McMahon and HHH. The latter of those feuds comes to a head tonight as the two of them are facing off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going, with three not so high level looking wrestlers in the ring with him. Vince hypes up his main event with HHH and promises to win. We see a clip of Vince beating up HHH in various ways before Vince turns his attention to the three guys in the ring. Each one represents a different fighting style, starting with a four time All American amateur wrestler, followed by a fifth degree kempo karate black belt and finally, the Ohio sumo champion (no one seems convinced).

Vince offers to face all of them, only to have someone else do it as a preview for what is going to happen to HHH at No Mercy. Cue the returning Umaga to destroy all three of them, with Vince looking rather pleased. Umaga beats them up even more for a bonus and Vince’s happiness rises.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London hurricanranas Murdoch down to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That means a gutbuster from Cade to take over, with Murdoch coming back in for a splash. A dropkick gets Kendrick out of trouble though and it’s Hardy coming in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and the Whisper in the Wind hits Cade but Hardy gets crotched on top. London hits a very out of nowhere dive and throws Murdoch back inside for Sliced Bread from Kendrick. Hardy drops the Swanton for the pin on Cade.

Rating: C+. It was a short match but they packed a lot into there, which is more than I would have expected. Hardy, London and Kendrick seem like three guys who would work well together as the high flying trio while the other three…well they’re feuding with the good guys so it makes sense to have them here. I’m not sure how much more you can get out of Benjamin vs. Hardy though, as Hardy needs some fresh competition.

Vince McMahon comes in to see William Regal and welcomes him back before praising Regal for making Mr. Kennedy vs. John Cena for tonight’s main event. He also asks Regal for a personal favor: take care of Hornswoggle tonight. Regal reluctantly agrees as Hornswoggle pops up. Vince leaves….and Regal has already lost Hornswoggle.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and we see him Punting John Cena’s father a few weeks ago and then hitting him with an RKO two weeks ago. Orton promises to leave Cena laying the same way at No Mercy.

Some Cleveland Indians are here. That was a good year for the team so we’ll call that an upgrade.

The Diva Search girls ran an obstacle course on the beach.

William Regal goes looking for Hornswoggle and runs into the Highlanders. They haven’t seen Hornswoggle, but Regal wants to know why they turned down a match with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Rory explains that it’s because they only want a Tag Team Title shot, which leaves Regal continuing his Hornswoggle search.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

Rematch from last week when the returning Holly beat Rhodes without much trouble. Rhodes starts fast but gets shouldered down. Back up and Rhodes grabs an armbar but gets dropkicked for two. A small package gives Rhodes two so he tries to jump over Holly in the corner, earning himself an Alabama Slam for the fast pin.

Here is Beth Phoenix for a chat and she would like Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring with her. Beth promises to win the Women’s Title on Sunday and wants Lilian to practice announcing her as the winner tonight. Lilian does, but throws in a caveat about how Phoenix has to actually win on Sunday. Phoenix literally goes for her throat but Candice Michelle runs in for the save.

SAVE_US video, now with some fresh codes, including things such as “Tron image”, “GRAND_SLAM” and “8.2.11/SAVIOR_SELF”, the latter of which is featured several times.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Before the match, Vince shows us a clip of HHH attacking Umaga with a chair and the sledgehammer last week to send him into a steroid suspension. HHH comes out but Vince cuts off his entrance pre-corner pose and says let’s go. Hold on though as there is no referee, so here is Carlito to be the guest referee.

Carlito does the weapons check, allowing Vince to slap HHH in the face. The bell rings and Vince immediately hides in the ropes, with Carlito covering him up. Vince bails to the floor so the chase is on, with HHH finally going around the other side to catch Vince on the floor. The Pedigree is broken up with a Backstabber so HHH hits Carlito low, which is enough for the DQ.

Post match HHH stays on Vince but here is Umaga for the fight. HHH hits a DDT, which has the expected results. A superkick sends HHH into the corner and there’s the running hip attack. Umaga stops to yell at Carlito so HHH pulls out the sledgehammer to scare Umaga off.

And now Marella At The Movies, featuring Santino Marella and Maria, though she doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. This week they are going to review The Condemned, which Maria thought was fun. Marella says it was fun if you like having your head bashed in with a mallet. He should have been the star, meaning it’s time for a clip with Santino included.

Cue Val Venis to interrupt (this seems to get Maria’s attention), but Santino doesn’t think much of Venis’ acting. He couldn’t believe what Venis did to that donkey in the Shrek based film. Venis offers Maria a spot in his next movie and the beatdown is on with Venis’ leg getting destroyed. I continue to be astounded that Venis is still employed.

John Cena doesn’t think much of the idea that THEY are saying he is going to lose to Randy Orton. It is time to talk about THEY, who know that Cena is losing and that he has changed and that Todd Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his phone. At No Mercy, Orton can hit him with everything from a bell to a microphone to a snow cone to a student loan but Cena will keep getting up every time. You put anyone in front of him and he will always get up and never quit, so let them talk. He’s going to beat Orton so bad that THEY are never going to forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina wins a battle over the lockup to start and they go to the mat with Melina kicking away. Mickie fights up and hits some hard forearms but Melina kicks her in the head for two. The screaming reverse DDT is loaded up but Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring for a distraction. The freaked out Melina gets rolled up for the pin.

Post match Hornswoggle chases Melina underneath the ring and comes out with Melina’s clothes. Hornswoggle runs off, leaving Melina screaming. This was bad back then and it doesn’t hold up well here.

Post break, William Regal yells at Hornswoggle over what happened but Steve-O (from Jackass, and starring in a new upcoming USA series), comes in. Steve-O is here to find a wuss (point of his show), and the distraction lets Hornswoggle leave.

No Mercy rundown.

Steve-O comes in to see Ron Simmons, suggesting that he can make Simmons be less of a wuss. Simmons literally throws him out and hits the catchphrase.

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he is going to make a statement by beating Cena. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and then shoulders him down but Cena is back up with a hiptoss. The armbar goes on but Kennedy gets up, only to get driven into the corner. Kennedy fights out of the corner and punches Cena down before taking him outside for a whip into the steps. We take a break and come back with Kennedy grabbing a chinlock to keep Cena in trouble. Cena fights up and grabs a suplex, setting p the STFU for the very fast tap.

Rating: C. The ending was very quick and there is a reason for that. Cena tore his pectoral muscle when he gave Kennedy the hiptoss, making this a one on one match. There is only so much that can be done when you’re wrestling with one arm and while Cena did what he could, the match wasn’t very good as a result. Kennedy carried it as well as he could, even with the very sudden finish.

Post match Randy Orton runs in, apparently guilty of satellite fraud, and lays out Cena. The steps to the face set up an RKO onto the announcers’ table, with Orton counting to ten as Cena is out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was the big final push towards no Mercy and it only went so well. The biggest problem is that Orton vs. Cena has been set up for several weeks now and there is only so much that they can get out of one more week of building. The HHH vs. Umaga match had to get a last second build and that worked fine, as the match was already set up a month ago. The rest of the show was only ok, though the Cena situation is going to cause some problems.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 28, 2022
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jimmy Smith Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We are just over a month away from Wrestlemania and it would be nice to have the show actually get some more matches announced. There are only a handful of things set for the card and WWE is running out of shows to build them up. Maybe they can put some of them together tonight, as they kind of need to. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence. Since when does this show have an opening sequence?

Here is Kevin Owens, in a sideways cowboy hat, to open with the Kevin Owens Show. He brings out his best friend and his tag team partner, Seth Rollins, to talk about how they’re going to win the Raw Tag Team Titles next week. Owens talks about how he can’t stand Texas but they have to find a way to get to Wrestlemania. Therefore they are going to win the titles next week and defend them at Wrestlemania, which will take place in that stupid Texas.

Owens stomps on the hat but for now, we need to bring out this week’s guests: the Raw Tag Team Champions, Alpha Academy. After assuring them that Otis’ chair is reinforced, Owens and Rollins promise to take the titles next week. Gable brags about his education and, after complaining about how they only have a 33.3% change of retaining the titles, starts shooshing both of them (just like their new SHOOOSH shirts suggest). This sets up a SHOOSH off between Gable and Owens until a Stunner leaves Gable laying and we take a break.

Seth Rollins/Kevin Owens vs. Alpha Academy

Non-title with Gable still down and we’re joined in progress with Otis elbowing Owens in the face. Gable gets on the apron as Rollins comes in to take Otis into the corner, only to be sent to the apron. A Gable distraction lets Otis knock Rollins off the apron and some whip send Rollins into the barricade.

Back in and Otis hits a suplex to drop Rollins but a missed shot allows the tag back to Owens. Everything breaks down and Owens hits a splash off the apron on Rollins, only to get run over by Otis as we take a break. We come back with Gable working on Owens’ knee before rolling some German suplexes. An enziguri rocks Gable though and it’s Rollins coming back in to pick up the pace.

A Sling Blade hits Gable and a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle makes it worse. There’s the Falcon Arrow for two more and Rollins nods after the kickout. It’s back to Owens for the fisherman’s buster onto the knee but Otis breaks it up. Otis’ Vader Bomb sets up a moonsault from Gable with Rollins making the save. Rollins dives onto Otis to take him out and dives back in for a pop up Buckle Bomb. A Stunner sets up a Stomp to give Rollins the pin on Gable at 12:41.

Rating: C+. This picked way up near the end and is a great way to give Owens and Rollins some momentum going into next week’s title match. I’m not sure I can imagine the titles changing hands as Owens would seem to have bigger plans so they can get the title match out of the way and move on. For now though, this was a good way to set things up, as I’m having trouble getting annoyed at champions losing anymore.

Video on Omos.

Omos says he has dominated everyone since he debuted last year at Wrestlemania and he’ll do it again here.

Omos vs. T-Bar

Omos jumps him before the bell and knocks him off the apron for a crash. T-Bar is mostly out of it so Omos throws him into the corner, where T-Bar says he can go. Omos misses a charge into the corner but is fine enough to knock T-bar sillier with a clothesline. The chokebomb finishes T-Bar at 42 seconds.

We look back at Becky Lynch and Bianca Belair yelling at each other last week, setting up Belair beating Doudrop.

Nikki Ash and Doudrop are ready to be the hero/villain in their six woman tag this week. Becky Lynch comes in to say she’s ready to win, like she did over Belair at Summerslam in 26 seconds.

Rhea Ripley/Liv Morgan/Bianca Belair have an unnatural conversation in the back about strategy for their six woman tag.

Bianca Belair/Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley vs. Doudrop/Becky Lynch/Nikki Ash

Becky and Liv start but since Belair comes in, Becky hands it off to Nikki. That means it’s back to Liv, who actually locks up with Nikki and takes her down with a running hurricanrana. Everything breaks down early and the villains are sent to the floor as we take a break. Back with Becky rolling Belair up for two and sending her to the apron for a springboard kick to the face.

Becky uses the hair to pull Belair into the post and then ties it around the top rope. With that untied, Doudrop comes in to drop an elbow but Nikki misses a shot, allowing the hot tag back to Rhea. Becky gets faceplanted for two with Doudrop hitting a splash for the save. Everything breaks down and Nikki drags the crushed Becky back to the corner for the tag. Belair comes in as well as everything breaks down, with Liv hitting a dive to the floor.

Nikki high crossbodies Rhea but Belair is back in with a spinebuster. Becky grabs the braid to break that up but Belair WHIPS THE FIRE OUT OF HER with the braid, complete with some crazy cracking sounds (which are probably sound effects but dang those whips looked painful). Becky runs off while holding her ribs, leaving Belair to KOD Nikki for the pin at 12:11.

Rating: C+. This was a bit better than I expected and that is where things get more interesting. The interviews before the match were horrible and made me wonder how in the world they could screw these people up. No one talks like that and it made me want to turn off the show. Then you get to the match, where the women get to showcase their talent and the match is that much better. It’s amazing to see just how much of a gap there is between the in and out of the ring portions because the talent is absolutely there.

We look at Robert Roode costing Tommaso Ciampa the #1 contendership to the NXT Title.

Tommaso Ciampa vs. Robert Roode

Dolph Ziggler is here with Roode. Ciampa’s No One Will Survive theme has been replaced with a generic rock song, which shouldn’t be that surprising. Ciampa starts fast but misses a running knee to Roode, who counters the Fairy Tale Ending and rolls him up for two. Another running knee connects to knock Ziggler off the apron and a rollup finishes Roode at 2:40.

Post match Roode and Ziggler beat Ciampa down, with Ziggler promising to take out Ciampa and Bron Breakker tomorrow on NXT.

We look at Dana Brooke losing and regaining the 24/7 Title.

Dana Brooke/Reggie vs. Akira Tozawa/Tamina

The women start with Tamina being sent into the corner for the handspring elbow. Reggie comes in to roll Tozawa up for two and a dropkick gets the same with Tamina making the save. Everything breaks down and Reggie’s running flipping seated senton finishes Tozawa at 1:44.

Post match Brooke kisses Reggie to the mat and Reggie seems pleased. Tozawa puckers up for Tamina, who kisses him as well. Tozawa looks like he is in a trance.

The Street Profits are ready to take out RKBro tonight. They throw in some mocking of the rest of the tag division for a bonus.

Mysterios vs. Hurt Business

Before the match, the Mysterios promise to take out Miz and Logan Paul at Wrestlemania but tonight they’re focused on the Hurt Business. Cue the Miz to list off his WWE accomplishments before bragging about how great Logan Paul really is. They’re big global stars and they are AWESOME, certainly better than the Mysterios.

We take a break and come back joined in progress with Benjamin sending Rey tot he apron for a Downward Spiral from Alexander. Back in and Rey fights out of the corner before hurricanranaing Alexander into the same corner. The diving tag brings in Dominik, who comes in off the top with a high crossbody to Shelton. A suplex drops Dominik but he’s back with a tornado DDT, bringing Alexander back in for the save. Dominik sends Shelton outside but his suicide dive is countered. That earns Benjamin a posting but Miz pops up to grab Dominik. Rey chases Miz off, leaving Dominik to get rolled up for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C-. They have got to find something new for Dominik because this stuff is just so dull. He is completely fine in the ring but he is about as interesting as watching a sidewalk dry. Miz’s interference was a fine way to go, but come up with something better for Dominik, which means getting him out of this team as soon as possible.

Riddle is coloring to stay focused when Randy Orton comes in to say they’re going to go win tonight. Then next week, they’re getting their Tag Team Titles back.

Carmella and Queen Zelina are in the back, with Carmella saying she and Corey Graves are going to put on a show after she and Zelina retain the Women’s Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania.

RKBro vs. Street Profits

Riddle pulls Ford into an early triangle choke, which is enough to set up the Orton circle stomp, much to the fans’ approval. Dawkins comes in and is sent outside for a springboard Floating Bro from Riddle, who is taken down by Ford’s big flip dive as we take a break. Back with Riddle fighting out of trouble and bringing Orton back in for the hanging DDT to Ford.

Everything breaks down and Dawkins knocks Riddle to the floor, leaving Orton to have the RKO blocked. Ford enziguris Orton and hits the frog splash…..for the pin at 6:40, as Orton seemed like he couldn’t get the foot on the ropes. That really didn’t seem to be the planned finish, which was either Orton being out of position or hurt, as the referee and Riddle immediately checked on him and then talked to the Profits.

Rating: C. That ending did not look good as the splash looked to mess Orton up badly. I can’t imagine that was the planned finish as RKBro has a title match coming up next week and then gets beaten here in what should have been a tuneup. Hopefully Orton is ok, because he looked very out of it after the match.

Veer Mahaan is still coming.

Smackdown Breakdown.

Austin Theory is in Vince McMahon’s office and talks about Vince’s appearance on the Pat McAfee Show. Theory lists off McAfee’s accomplishments, which don’t seem to impress Vince. It will be Vince’s first sitdown interview in twenty years, but Theory thinks McAfee might jump him. Vince says it’s not that kind of a show and leaves. Theory picks up Vince’s pencil and says it could be.

US Title: Finn Balor vs. Damian Priest

Balor is challenging and we have had two breaks, the Smackdown Breakdown and the Vince/Theory segment since his entrance. Priest elbows Balor in the face to start and grabs a reverse chinlock. We hit the chinlock to keep Balor down for a bit, only to have him fight up and send Priest outside. The big flip dive drops Priest and we take a break.

Back with Balor scoring with the Pele to put Priest on his knee, setting up the double stomp. The shotgun dropkick sets up a missed Coup de Grace, allowing Priest to clothesline him down. Priest’s spinning kick to the head sets up the South of Heaven chokeslam for two. The Reckoning is loaded up but Balor slips out and this another shotgun dropkick. Now the Coup de Grace can connect for the pin and the title at 10:36.

Rating: C+. I can live with this one as Balor has needed something to do for a long time now. At the same time, Priest has gotten a good bit out of the title, though he has sputtered a bit in recent months. It was time for the change, though I’m almost scared to see what is next for Priest now that he has lost the title.

Post match Priest says the people carried Balor to winning the US Title. They never gave him that reaction during his title reign, so Priest is going to win that title back and all that motivation isn’t going to mean a thing. Priest clothesline him down and hits a Razor’s Edge onto (not through) the announcers’ table. There’s your heel turn, on a roster with a lot of heels.

We look back at Edge’s Wrestlemania challenge.

Here is Edge to get an answer to his challenge. Edge wants someone to come out and accept so here is….AJ Styles, much to Edge’s delight. Styles gets in the ring and says he accepts, with Edge talking about how both of them have wanted this match for a long time. Edge wants the bulldog AJ and not the one who has been Omos’ tag team b**** for the last few years.

Styles doesn’t like that and the fight is on, with the Phenomenal Forearm missing. Instead Edge kicks him low and gives that heel face of his. Edge hammers away and goes to leave but stops and comes back. The Conchairto crushes AJ’s head and Edge looks like he’s about to cry…before hitting another one to end the show. Yeah the Conchairto is a cliché, but this feels like a Wrestlemania match and that is a nice thing to see.

Overall Rating: C. The last hour saved this show as stuff actually happened for a change. As tends to be the case, the biggest problem around here is the long stretch where very little interesting happens and it feels like WWE is throwing stuff out there to fill in parts of the three hours.

There is some interesting/quality stuff here, such as the title change and Edge’s heel turn, but there is such a dry spell in the middle that the good parts (also including the opener and the six woman tag) are drowned out so badly. The last forty five or so minutes were a boost and I’m almost scared to think about how bad it would be without them. Oh and we are now back to the “how does X have a path to Wrestlemania” stuff, which is just as stupid now as it has been every other single time.

Results
Kevin Owens/Seth Rollins b. Alpha Academy – Stomp to Gable
Omos b. T-Bar – Chokebomb
Bianca Belair/Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley b. Nikki Ash/Becky Lynch/Doudrop – KOD to Ash
Tommaso Ciampa b. Robert Roode – Rollup
Dana Brooke/Reggie b. Tamina/Akira Tozawa – Running flipping seated senton to Tozawa
Hurt Business b. Mysterios – Rollup to Dominik
Street Profits b. RKBro – Frog splash to Orton
Finn Balor b. Damian Priest – Coup de Grace

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: September 28, 2007
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re just over a week away from No Mercy and the big Smackdown match is going to be Batista defending the World Title against the Great Khali inside the Punjabi Prison. I’m sure that won’t be a complete disaster as Khali can barely get through a regular match, but stranger things have happened. Now to build the rest of the show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.We open with a recap of last week’s wedding between Teddy Long and Kristal, capped off by the traditional groom’s heart attack.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Vince McMahon and tells him that Teddy has been in a coma for a week and has a history of heart disease. Vince says the show must go on and makes Vickie the new General Manager. Vickie leaves so here is Finlay, who has some things in common with McMahon. They’re both Irish, but they also both have to deal with Hornswoggle. They’ll work on that later.

Opening sequence.

Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson

Victoria takes her down into a front facelock to start as we hear about various things involving looking at Torrie. Back up and Torrie sends her into the ropes and grabs a rollup for two. Cole talks about how much Torrie has improved in the ring but JBL says who cares as long as we can look at her. A snap suplex gives Victoria two but Torrie is back with a headscissors and clothesline. Torrie tries a sunset flip out of the corner but Victoria sits down on it and grabs the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t much of a match, but Cole is right that Torrie has improved in the ring. She’s never going to be the top worker in the division, but she can work a decent enough basic match. The match wasn’t terrible and given how some of the division can be, this was at least passable.

Post match another blonde (looks a good bit like Torrie) comes in and stomps Torrie down, before bending her back around the post to leave her laying.

It’s time for MVP’s VIP Lounge, complete with a bunch of people sitting in on the set. MVP talks about Teddy Long having a heart attack after bringing so much heartache to WWE. Long’s biggest accomplishment is bringing MVP to WWE with this big of a contract and that is because he is better than everyone else. Tonight happens to be a special night for MVP, because it is his one year anniversary around here.

Now he has captured the Tag Team Titles with Matt Hardy…who comes out to interrupt, complete with a gold bottle. Matt acknowledges that even though it isn’t his thing, the VIP Lounge is a big deal. That being said, he knew he had to be here because MVP is his partner and his homie. Matt even has a gift for him in the form of a highlight video of MVP’s first year in WWE. You can imagine all of the horrible things that happen to MVP in said video, which is complete with a lame pop song.

MVP snaps about the video but Matt says he was just ribbing him. Matt calms him down with the bottle, which is popped open and poured, which has MVP calmed down a bit. The toast though sees Matt insulting MVP, who throws Matt out. Hold on though as Matt has one more gift: MVP gets to face Kane tonight!

Chuck Palumbo vs. Kenny Dykstra

Dykstra kicks him down and fires off some boots to the back before we hit the chinlock. Palumbo fights up with an elbow to the face and a backdrop as the pace picks up fast. A middle rope dive is countered into an overhead belly to belly to send Dykstra flying. The Full Throttle finishes for Palumbo in a hurry.

Rating: D+. It was another short match that didn’t have time to go anywhere, but what were you expecting from Palumbo vs. Dykstra? This match wasn’t designed to be some kind of a classic, though it isn’t a good sign when it is the second match in a row that would fit that description. Palumbo isn’t going very far around here, but he’s good enough for a lower card guy.

Steve Austin still things the Marine is pretty snazzy.

Jesse and Festus are ready to debut next week, with Jesse promising Festus will come to life when the bell rings.

Commentary explains the Punjabi Prison and look at Great Khali destroying Batista.

Batista joins us in the back for an interview and says he has no idea how a Punjabi Prison match works. JBL interprets this as him being scared but Batista says Khali will have to take the title from his cold, dead hands. The champ didn’t have much to say here.

Kane vs. MVP

Non-title and MVP starts by cranking on the arm, only to get thrown down by straight power. Some uppercuts in the corner look to set up the big boot but MVP bails to the floor for a breather. That’s enough for MVP to snap Kane’s throat across the top but Kane runs him over again. Kane charges into an elbow in the corner though and a suplex is countered into a DDT to give MVP two.

A neckbreaker gets two more and we hit the…neck pull? Either way, MVP lets him go and Kane is back up with an elbow to the face. The top rope clothesline misses though and MVP gets two more. We hit the arm crank for a bit before Kane is back up and kicking away at the ribs. The chokeslam is blocked and they hit heads for a double knockdown and a break.

Back with MVP cranking on both arms before a running boot in the corner connects for another two. Some running corner clotheslines into the side slam give Kane two of his own but MVP breaks up another top rope clothesline. The break up is broken up though and now the clothesline can connect. The chokeslam is loaded up but MVP kicks him low for the DQ.

Rating: B. This started to roll near the end as MVP kept cutting off everything Kane threw at him. It was a question of how long MVP could hang in there before Kane finally caught him with something, which caused MVP to wrap it up with the DQ. Kane is having a rather nice run at the moment and I can always go for more of his good version.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest with Taryn winning. Lyndy is eliminated, crushing the dreams of dozens.

JBL brings out Rey Mysterio for an interview. He looks down at Rey and says Rey’s machismo is flat out stupidity, but Rey asks what’s up with the hatred. Does it bug JBL when he is here interviewing Rey instead of someone interviewing him? OF COURSE IT DOES, because JBL has twice the talent as Rey. That’s cool with Mysterio, who tells JBL to put up or shut up. JBL brings up Rey’s match against Great Khali next week and shoves him down, only to have Rey come back. The 619 is loaded up but here is Finlay with the Shillelagh to knock Rey cold.

Hornswoggle is in Vickie Guerrero’s office, where Vickie says that the Cruiserweight Title is making him a target. It’s even worse because he is now a McMahon, so she is making him abdicate the title. Hornswoggle hands it over, and that’s that for the belt. Fair enough, as it isn’t like the title has meant anything in years.

Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore

They start fast and head outside, with Moore sending him back first into the apron. Noble takes him off the top and grabs the Boston crab, sending Moore straight to the ropes. A swinging neckbreaker gets Moore out of trouble and a legdrop gives him two. Noble is back with something like a reverse Alabama Slam out of the corner, setting up a gutbuster for the pin.

Rating: C. Commentary kept hyping up the future of the cruiserweight division and if this is as good as it gets, they can’t get rid of the title fast enough. The division has not mattered for years now and the Hornswoggle reign was all the proof you could have needed. This was another completely watchable match, albeit one that felt like it meant a grand total of nothing.

Great Khali, through Runjin Singh, promises to get the title back from Batista.

No Mercy rundown.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Henry goes straight to the floor to start (and might have gotten his leg caught in the ropes on the way out) and the fight is on. Back in and Undertaker gets up a boot in the corner before striking away. Old School is pulled out of the air and it’s Henry getting to hammer away even more. Undertaker sits up to avoid a big elbow though and there’s the jumping clothesline. The chokeslam finishes Henry quick.

Rating: C-. This felt like a way to write Henry off of the show for awhile as Undertaker shrugged off most of what Henry threw at him and then beat him with the chokeslam. I’m not sure what is next for Henry, but beating a monster like this is not the best sign for his future. Undertaker is probably back in the title picture sooner rather than later, as it is hard to keep him away from the belt for that long.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of the lamer Smackdowns in a long time as it felt like everyone was taking a week off. The only star power was Undertaker vs. Mark Henry in a match that felt like a post show dark match wound up on television. Maybe they were just taking a week off here, but there was almost nothing worth seeing here outside of Kane vs. MVP. I’d like to believe it’s a one off situation, but this wasn’t a good show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2007
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to No Mercy and the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Title against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match. That alone should be enough to carry the Raw side of the show but there is still time to fill in on the card. Maybe we can fill in some more of that this week, along with more Hornswoggle shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Coach is in the ring, with security guards around him, and we see a recap of the recant issues between John Cena and Randy Orton. This includes last week, with Orton attacking John Cena’s father to end the show. As a result, Coach has suspended Orton indefinitely, but Coach isn’t going to let Cena take his rage out on everyone else. Coach brings out Vince McMahon, who talks about how everyone needs to show respect.

This includes HHH, who tried to embarrass him last week with a bunch of leprechaun jokes. Tonight, Vince is going to get that revenge as HHH faces Carlito inside a cage. Actually we’ll make it even bigger, as Vince himself will be Carlito’s partner. With that out of the way, Vince invites Hornswoggle to join them in the ring. Vince didn’t mean a bunch of the things he said last week and hopes that Hornswoggle loves him instead of wanting his money. Hornswoggle says he loves Vince and they share a big hug. Things seem to be going well and Vince even has a woman who would like to meet him.

Cue Melina in a green dress to say Hornswoggle (who is looking very nervous) is very cute. She asks “Horny” if he would like to get to know her so Hornswoggle jumps on her. Vince tells them to go have a beer and a good night (Vince: “Always use protection.”). With the two of them gone, Coach asks Vince if he can keep being General Manager when William Regal comes back next week but here is a ticked off John Cena to interrupt. Security comes in so Cena goes after Vince and Coach, with the bosses escaping. Vince says Cena’s title reign is in Coach’s hands.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

This is Holly’s return after several months away. Before the match, Holly says Cody sounds like he belongs in a boy band instead of in a ring. Holly knocks him down without much trouble to start but Cody says hit him in the face. A sunset flip gives Cody two but Holly chops him in the corner. Cody snaps off a Russian legsweep for two and a dropkick keeps him in trouble. Something off the top rope misses though and the Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: C-. Short and to the point here as Holly beat Rhodes up without much effort, but Rhodes was trying as always. Holly’s return was treated as a big deal and I could see him going a little somewhere in the midcard. Rhodes losing is a bit weird after he had been on a winning streak, but at least it feels like he has a bit more experience now and isn’t just skating on his family history.

Post match, Holly shakes his head down at Rhodes.

We recap the John Cena/Coach situation.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and calls Cena a phony. Cena knew he was in trouble at Unforgiven so he got himself disqualified. Maybe Cena’s dad just lives off of Cena, but Orton is a professional wrestler. Last week Orton took out Cena’s dad and now he’s going to be ready to take the title from Cena in the Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino and we get the first mention of Teddy Long’s apparent heart attack on Smackdown. No update or anything, but it was mentioned. Simmons hammers him in the face to start so Santino bails out to the floor. The chase lets Santino catch him on the way back in and stomp away, setting up a reverse chinlock. Simmons fights up but the threat of a powerslam sends Marella bailing to the floor again, this time for the countout.

Rating: D. This was about what you would expect as neither of them was exactly on fire here. Simmons was long retired at this point and did little more than punch in between Marella’s running away. That’s about what the match should have been, and it would have been hard to accept the idea of Santino beating Simmons, even at this age.

Post match, Simmons hits the catchphrase.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest. Next week: the obstacle course.

Jillian Hall comes up to Melina in the back and asks where Hornswoggle is. Melina seems ok with going on a date with him before revealing that she’s only doing this for a shot at the Women’s Title. She’s off to take a shower.

The Highlanders ask Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for a Tag Team Title shot with any stipulation the champs want. Then they pull up their kilts, much to the champions’ disgust.

The cage is lowered.

Carlito/Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Inside a cage. HHH punches Carlito down and pulls Vince off the cage wall. More right hands drop Carlito again and Vince gets pulled back through the door as well. HHH crotches Vince on top so Carlito hits HHH low and sends him into the cage. We take a break and come back with HHH throwing Carlito at Vince to drive him into the cage. Carlito has to save Vince from a Pedigree with a Backstabber so Vince goes up. HHH cuts off Carlito but Vince is able to escape for the win.

Rating: D+. They didn’t exactly burn the house down here as this was much more about giving us something to keep Vince vs. HHH going. Vince was added to the match out of nowhere, though that might be due to WWE realizing that Carlito vs. HHH isn’t exactly interesting. The match was nothing to see, though they didn’t stay on it for very long.

Post match Vince leaves but Carlito is left alone with HHH. Some rams into the cage set up a spinebuster and the Pedigree onto the chair leaves Carlito laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title, joined in progress and with the Highlanders at ringside. Cade hits a backbreaker on London so Murdoch can come in with an ax handle. The abdominal stretch doesn’t last long as London gets over to Kendrick. House is cleaned and a quick Sliced Bread….draws in the Highlanders to jump Kendrick for the DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on as London and Kendrick are left laying.

Hornswoggle spies on Melina in the shower, then chases her around backstage and steals her towel. This freaks Melina out, but she didn’t seem to mind showering in front of a camera.

Ad for the Condemned, complete with Santino Marella saying he isn’t impressed with Steve Austin’s acting.

HHH comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and challenges him to a one on one match. Vince: “You’re on.” HHH: “And you’re screwed.”

Jeff Hardy/Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix/Shelton Benjamin

Milwaukee is the hometown girl. Benjamin takes Hardy into the corner to start but some shots to the face stagger Benjamin for a change. A mule kick sends Benjamin outside and Candice takes out Beth, leaving Hardy to hit a big dive to the floor. We take a break and come back with Beth working on a seated full nelson but Candice fights up (to a heck of a reaction).

The hot tag brings in Hardy for a Whisper in the Wind (with Lawler having to correct JR on the name). Benjamin powerbombs him down though and we hit a chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back. A backbreaker gives Benjamin two but Hardy is back up with a crossbody. It’s back to the women, with a jawbreaker sending Beth into the corner. Candice plays Jeff in Poetry in Motion but Beth is back up with the fisherman’s buster for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well so much for the crowd being happy. It should set up a title rematch between Candice and Beth, which almost has to wrap up Candice’s title reign once and for all. The match was short enough and to the point, though Hardy and Benjamin were little more than extra players for the women’s stuff.

Coach has a press conference, suggesting that John Cena is about to be stripped of the title. Also, Randy Orton has been suspended for twenty four hours, because anyone could do what Orton did to Cena’s dad.

And now, for something new: a blue Matrix style video, with the words SAVE_US.222 popping up. Commentary doesn’t reference it, as I’m sure this won’t mean anything.

Coach is in the ring with security around him and a bunch of photographers on the floor. He orders Cena out here and after a bit, here is Cena, wearing the title for a change. Coach brings up Cena’s dad getting beaten up last week and now he wants Cena to BEG to keep his title. Cena’s shirt comes off and Coach’s jacket does too, with Coach issuing threats from the security. Hold on though as the bell rings and Lilian Garcia has a ruling from Mr. McMahon: Cena is still champion and will get to face Coach in a tables match RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title and Cena punches him down, grabs the STFU, and hits the FU through a table for the fast win.

Post match Hornswoggle comes out on the stage. Cena: “Thank you Mr. McMahon.” Ok that was clever.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as other than a few nice moments, there was nothing to cheer. Hornsowggle’s bit at the end was good, but it’s the same one who spied on Melina in the shower and then chased her around the arena. Other than that, there was some lame wrestling and little more than another week of filler on the way to another Orton vs. Cena title match. Not a good show, but maybe the returning stars will help them next week.

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Smackdown
Date: September 21, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re done with Unforgiven and that means we have a new World Champion as Batista defeated the Great Khali and Rey Mysterio to win the title back. Batista might be in some fast trouble though as he has to deal with the returning Undertaker, who has defeated Mark Henry and wants the title as well. On top of that (maybe), it’s time for Kristal and Teddy Long to get married. Let’s get to it.

Here is Unforgiven if you need a recap.

It’s the season premiere and Maria is our guest host, including some guests: the Ying Yang Twins, plus Coach and Vince McMahon. Maria congratulates Vince on his son Hornswoggle, who is NOT here tonight. Coach would rather talk to the Twins, who he thinks are country singers. Yang: “I like Hornswoggle more than I like him.”

Opening sequence.

Here is Batista for a chat and he is very excited about his new suit and his new title. He congratulates Rey Mysterio and knows Rey will be World Champion again, but for now, Great Khali is cashing in his rematch clause so there will be a Punjabi Prison match at No Mercy. Cue Mark Henry to say he is going to end Undertaker’s career next week but he can take Batista’s title whenever he wants. Batista: “You are as stupid as you are ugly.” The challenge seems to be accepted.

Maria is dancing with the Ying Yang Twins when Jeff Hardy comes in. The Twins seem to like the Intercontinental Title, which Yang gets to hold. Then Jeff dances.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie takes over to start but Yang is right back up with a standing hurricanrana. Noble knocks him down again and goes after the arm before elbowing Yang in the head. The armbar goes on but Yang is back up with an enziguri, only to get pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. The rope is grabbed but hold on as Noble sees Hornswoggle’s hat at ringside. The hat is on Shannon Moore though, and the distraction lets Yang hit the moonsault press for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well that was quick and mostly harmless, at least until they got to the Noble Hates Hornswoggle of course, because that is the kind of dumb idea that WWE keeps obsessing over. That being said, it isn’t like there is anything else going on in the cruiserweight division so this is about all we can get. That should explain the problem with the division as well as anything else.

Matt Hardy and MVP’s latest competition is throwing footballs through a tire. MVP has to cheat to survive so Matt says he can win at anything, including wrestling. We’ll worry about that later though as they have a tag match next.

Undertaker is back next week.

MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

Non-title and Cherry is here with Deuce N Domino. Matt tags MVP in to start and it’s a suplex to put Deuce down. A double elbow is loaded up but MVP switches to a solo clothesline instead. There’s a double suplex for the same but the fans seem to be more about Hardy than anyone else. Deuce takes MVP down into the corner though and we take a break. Back with MVP having to fight out of a chinlock but getting knocked into the corner to keep up the beating.

A side kick misses though and MVP is back with a faceplant for a breather. Domino can’t cut off the hot tag again and it’s back to Matt to clean house. The middle rope elbow to the back of the neck drops Domino and a corner bulldog/clothesline combination takes both of them down for two. The Side Effect drops Domino but Matt loads up the Twist of Face and, after walking into the corner so MVP can tag himself in, gets rather annoyed. MVP gets knocked off the apron so Matt hits a neckbreaker, only to get rolled up to give Domino the pin.

Rating: C. The struggles continue as the story continues, which is not a bad thing. Matt and MVP don’t get along in the first place and it is good to see a regular team managing to beat them. You can only get so far with a team that can’t stand each other beating regular teams so this was the smart way to go.

Post match, arguing ensues.

Teddy Long’s family and friends are ready for the marriage, with Butch Reed not being sure how Teddy got a woman like Kristal. And how is she in various situations? That’s too far for Teddy, because his grandson and the reverend are here too. Actually it’s not that bad, because the reverend would like to know too. Teddy says he is going to make Kristal holla, holla holla.

Here is Rey Mysterio for a chat in the ring with Michael Cole. Rey says he’s glad to be back in the ring with the Smackdown fans and he congratulates Batista on winning the World Title. We see a recap of the Rey vs. Chavo Guerrero feud but John Bradshaw Layfield gets up to yell at Cole and Rey.

JBL doesn’t want Rey to be asked a bunch of lame questions like this while he pays homage to the 619. Rey brings up that he ended JBL’s career and is ready to fight right now. That seems to work for JBL but he can’t do that with his broadcasting contract. He does know someone who loves to fight though, so here is Finlay. A cheap shot leaves Rey laying and Finlay leaves as JBL returns to commentary.

Raw Rebound.

Maria is still hanging out with the Ying Yang Twins when Jimmy Wang Yang comes in and seems to know who they are. Carlito comes in but before he can say anything, Chuck Palumbo comes in to rev his engine, which Maria seems to like.

The Diva Search girls play beach volleyball for a long time. Naomi is the first girl cut, even though they haven’t actually been in the arena yet. Next time: limbo.

The bridal party meets Jagged Edge, who will be performing at the wedding. Autographs are given out and we get a preview of the song, with Kristal getting chills.

Mark Henry vs. Batista

Non-title. Henry powers him into the corner to start but Batista is back with a running clothesline. Back up and Henry sends Batista into the corner again and this time it’s a running splash to put Batista down. We hit the chinlock with a nerve hold, which is at least a slight twist on the norm. Batista fights up and hits a middle rope shoulder, setting up the spinebuster….and here is Great Khali. Batista goes after him but stops to spear Henry on the floor, drawing the double countout.

Rating: C-. This was about as good of a match as they were going to be able to have given the situation, as you don’t want Henry to lose again and Batista can’t be losing as the new champion. Khali interfering makes sense too and now we get to set up their singles title match, even in the wacky Punjabi Prison. They didn’t have time to get too bad here either, and that’s about as smart of an idea as they could have had.

Post match Khali beats up Batista without much trouble.

Undertaker is still back next week.

It’s time for the wedding, with the reverend (Bruce Bruce) and a bunch of guests, including Vince McMahon, in attendance. With all of the wrestling guests sitting down, Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring with a chair and a phone book to sit on. Post match, Teddy Long comes to the ring and the bridesmaids/groomsmen come out as well. Kristal comes out and, after falling on the steps, gets in the ring for the ceremony.

Jagged Edge comes out to perform a song, which everyone seems to enjoy (including a bunch of hands waving, though Vince just bobs back and forth). Hold on though as here is Jillian Hall for a song of her own, which goes on despite everyone’s protests. Eventually some women pick her up and carry her out (Reverend: “Praise Jesus.”) but hold on again as Hornswoggle starts beating up Coach.

With that under control, the reverend is ready for the vows but here is the Godfather, with his ladies, to interrupt. Godfather offers Teddy one more good time on the Train but Teddy is happy here. Ron Simmons pops in with an annoyed version of the catchphrase before Godfather leaves….with JBL joining him in a funny bit. Then all of the guests go too, which raises a few questions.

Teddy says his vows and Kristal is about to do the same but Hornswoggle runs into the ring. Coach and Vince chase him to the back, leaving Kristal to say I Do. Teddy is about to do the same…and falls over holding his heart. Everyone panics as medics come in to give Teddy oxygen to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Pretty meh show overall, as the big ending is only so interesting. I remember watching this live and not being overly impressed or interested in where it was going. It probably means Vickie Guerrero takes over, which should make for the latest lame boss. Other than that, we get a few more weeks of build towards the Unforgiven rematches, meaning more Batista vs. Khali. Lucky us.

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Prime Time Wrestling
Date: February 1, 1988
Hosts: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Nick Bockwinkel, Bobby Heenan, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, Lord Alfred Hayes, Pete Doherty

We’ll try a few more of these and this one is from the usual Monday night. The fact that it premiered two days before I did has nothing to do with my pick for watching this one. We’re just after the first Royal Rumble and that means we are four days away from the first ever Main Event. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince (not Gorilla Monsoon for some reason) and Heenan get straight to it by talking about Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant’s contract signing at the Royal Rumble for Friday’s Main Event. The first match at Wrestlemania III is brought up and Heenan is clearly not over it.

From Madison Square Garden, October 16, 1987.

Sika vs. Don Muraco

Mr. Fuji is here with Sika and this might be the closest we ever get to Roman Reigns vs. The Rock. Feeling out process to start as commentary goes over the history between Muraco and Fuji. Sika gets shoved around so we take an early breather on the floor, because even island savages need to take a break every now and then. Back in and Muraco gets a sunset flip out of the corner for two before starting in on the leg. Some leg/foot twisting has Sika in some trouble but Muraco just lets go, allowing Sika to come back with an elbow to the jaw.

Commentary keeps talking about various issues involving islanders and Samoans and Polynesians, which would probably get them in quite the trouble today. Muraco gets knocked outside and Sika keeps kicking him off of the apron. Muraco’s comeback consists of moving forward as Sika hits him and then running him over. Some chops in the corner have Sika in trouble and Muraco goes up top to drive a knee into Sika’s face (as in he grabs Sika’s hair, puts the knee on his face, and jumps down) for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: C-. Not a great match, but that was a really unique looking finish. I’m not sure how Muraco’s knee survived crashing into something as hard as a Samoan’s head but at least he didn’t scream in agony on the cover. Muraco’s muscles were out of control here and it’s no surprise that he wasn’t around much longer, as he just looked nuts at this point.

Vince likes Muraco’s win but Heenan hates Muraco’s change in philosophy.

Post break, commentary talks about Wrestlemania IV and how excited they are to meet Donald Trump.

From the Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto on September 20, 1987.

Harley Race vs. Koko B. Ware

Race is the King at this point so Heenan handles his introduction. If nothing else, we get a good bit of Piledriver so the entrances are great. Heenan is worried about being allergic to Frankie the bird but Gorilla thinks Frankie might be allergic to weasels. Feeling out process to start as Heenan wants to hand Race a hammer. Ware leapfrogs him and Race seems confused about where Ware went, meaning it’s a dropkick to put Race down. The headlock goes on so Race drops to a knee and drives a headbutt into the ribs.

We get the traditional exchange of headbutts and neither goes anywhere, meaning Ware goes with a punch to the nose. Race goes back to the stomach and grabs a belly to belly for two. Some knees to the back keep Ware down and a piledriver gets two, with Monsoon wondering how much effect that would have had. The chinlock goes on and let’s cut to Frankie as Koko tries his comeback.

Koko gets sent to the ramp (near Frankie, whose feathers go up as Koko lands), where Race misses a falling headbutt. Race is fine enough to hit a brainbuster (which Gorilla seems to think was a bad suplex) but they take their time getting back in, allowing Koko to hammer away. A sunset flip gets two on Race and a shot to the face means they both need a breather. They collide for another double knockdown and we take a break. Back in the studio, Heenan seems to be calling in horse racing bets to a bookie, much to Vince’s annoyance.

We take a break and come back with Race missing a headbutt so Koko slams him face first into the mat. Some right hands have Race knocked even sillier and a dropkick gives Ware two. Back up and Race punches him down, setting up some knee drops for two of his own. They head outside with Race sending him face first into the ring bell for a great sound (Heenan is very pleased).

Ware posts him though, sending Heenan into a rant demanding a DQ (because Heenan is awesome). Back in again and Race gets tied in the ropes but manages to avoid a fist drop. Now the vertical suplex is a bit more to Monsoon’s liking and there’s a neck snap across the top. The camel clutch goes on as Race continues going through whatever basic things he can think of.

Koko slips out and sends Race head first into the mat (again). A belly to back gives Race two and Ware’s knee lift gets the same as this is still going for no logical reason. Back up and a clothesline knocks Ware down before Race sends him to the floor. Heenan gets up off commentary so Race can hit Ware in the throat with a microphone. That’s still not enough for the countout so Ware comes back in with a top rope punch to the head….as time expires at 22:29 (I have no idea what kind of time limit they were shooting for there. Twenty five minutes? What kind of a time limit is that?).

Rating: C. This was a weird one as the match was VERY long and slow, but it wasn’t exactly bad. Instead, it was two guys doing entertaining enough stuff as they kept hanging in there, but nothing ever got that interesting. It wasn’t much to see on TV and I’m almost scared to imagine how dull this might have been to watch live. Then again, that’s the point of matches like this and it makes this show more interesting to see oddities like this one.

Post match Race looks at Frankie and reaches for him before Koko scares him off. Was he going to grab it? Maybe eat it? We have 22:29 for the match but not another fifteen seconds to see Harley Race stealing and perhaps devouring a bird?

Back to the studio, where Vince asks Heenan if he really knows Donald Trump. Apparently Heenan and Trump are like THIS, but Heenan is on the top because he’s the Brain. With that out of the way, it’s time to talk about the upcoming Main Event this coming Friday.

Back from a break, Heenan promises that Andre the Giant is taking the WWF Title at the Main Event. Well kind of.

It’s time for UPDATE with Craig DeGeorge, with Craig running down the Main Event card. We see a clip of Honky Tonk Man shoving down Elizabeth, becoming the most evil human in the history of ever. Honky Tonk Man has to defend the Intercontinental Title against Randy Savage, but there is something even bigger.

We see a clip of Andre the Giant choking Hulk Hogan out (Andre’s face is one of the all time terrifying sights in wrestling). Ted DiBiase, who has purchased Andre’s contract, says Andre is his ticket to the WWF Title. Andre promises to win the title and hand it over to DiBiase.

Back in the studio, Heenan says Honky Tonk Man is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time and knows he will show Randy Savage his place. Vince thinks Savage is going to win the title again, which isn’t quite fair when he is booking the show.

Now it’s on to the Tag Team Title match with Strike Force defending against the Hart Foundation, who they took the titles from a few months ago. Heenan says Jim Neidhart never gave up, because the referee asked if the Boston crab hurt and rang the bell when Neidhart said it did in fact hurt. Vince finds this rather stupid.

Some fans give their Main Event picks.

Vince doesn’t like Ron Bass’ bullwhip, but Heenan is more worried about Billy Jack Haynes’ hat. You never know what’s in it!

From the Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto on June 28, 1987.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Ron Bass

Joined in progress with Haynes working on a headlock and then getting two off a sunset flip. The fans chant BASSHOLE, which is downright clever and something I haven’t heard before. Back up and Haynes starts in on the arm as Monsoon calls Bass fat. The armbar keeps Bass down as Monsoon and Heenan debate Oregon vs. Beverly Hills (the classic argument). Bass fights up and grabs the bullwhip, which is taken away without much drama.

Hayes gets sent chest/throat first into the ropes as Heenan keeps ranting about the bad officiating at Wrestlemania. Monsoon tries to sell this as a huge match for both of them and I’m not sure he’s getting that one over. Bass sends him outside and the arm is rammed into the barricade, though Heenan wanted more of a running start.

There’s a posting to make Heenan a bit happier and the arm is bent around the ropes back inside. The comeback starts as Hayes walks around the ring and shrugs off a bunch of forearms. We get a rare bit as Heenan badmouths the other evil managers as Hayes hits an elbow to the face but can’t get the full nelson. Bass hits him in the throat, grabs the bullwhip, and shoves the referee down for the DQ at 8:41.

Rating: D. While the Race vs. Ware match was at least competent, this was two bigger guys walking around with a pretty sluggish match that never got started and then had a lame finish. The good thing is that commentary was helping carry the thing, but you’re only going to get so much out of these two. Neither exactly looked thrilled to be out there either and it was showing badly.

Bobby and Vince talk about the newly debuted Bad News Brown, who Heenan thinks could use a manager.

From January 5, 1988 in Huntsville, Alabama.

Bad News Brown vs. Brady Boone

This is Brown’s debut, assuming you don’t count his nearly year long run in 1979. Brown slugs away as Vince talks about the beauty of Harlem, where his dad was born. Boone doesn’t seem interested in being whipped across the ring so Brown hits him in the ribs. We get an inset interview from Brown, who says he takes no prisoners and gives no mercy, as we are now in a 90s0 B movie. Bruno Sammartino says his first words over a minute into the match, as I was actually surprised he was there. A hard clothesline finishes for Brown at 1:37.

Post match Brown throws him through the ropes.

Here’s Hulk Hogan for a platform chat in some unspecified arena. Hogan is ready for the rematch with Andre and it shouldn’t be a surprise. He was never going to sell out but everyone knew Andre had his price. Hogan slammed Andre at Wrestlemania III and beat him, but maybe he had an unfair advantage with Bobby Heenan being in Andre’s corner.

Since then, he has heard so many people talking about the controversial count that he wants the rematch. You have people like Ted DiBiase, who puts all his money in one place, unlike the good people like Donald Trump who spreads the money around. Hogan answers to the big bank teller in the sky and he thinks that the bottom is falling out on Andre and DiBiase.

Back in the studio, Vince talks about the 93,173 fans in Hogan’s corner at Wrestlemania but Bobby still insists that Andre had Hogan pinned. Heenan insists that Andre is getting the title because Hulkamania is dead and over.

After a break, Vince promises a report on Matilda (the British Bulldogs’ mascot) but Heenan has no idea what happened to her in the first place.

The British Bulldogs say Matilda is doing ok but she isn’t responding to the treatment. They read all of the cards and letters to her and it makes her tail wag.

Vince shows us where you can send such cards and letters for Matilda, which was in no way, shape or form a way to rebuild WWE’s mailing list.

Heenan goes on a hilarious rant about how stupid you have to be to own an animal, because you would have to be stupid/crazy to write letters to an animal. As for he and the Islanders dognapping Matilda a few weeks ago, it was because she was scared and vicious.

We go back to the Royal Rumble for the contract signing between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. They both sign and then Andre beats Hogan up by turning the table onto him.

From Madison Square Garden on August 22, 1987.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Ricky Steamboat

Honky Tonk Man, with Jimmy Hart, is defending in a lumberjack match. Steamboat rubs George Steele’s head for luck and Honky Tonk Man hits the required stall button. Honky Tonk Man starts striking away about a minute in but Steamboat skins the cat and dropkicks him over the top. Back in and Honky Tonk Man is tossed outside again, where Steele throws him back inside.

They head outside again with Steamboat beating him up some more before the lumberjacks throw them back inside. We take a break and come back with Steamboat stomping him on the apron as Hart gives a frantic rant about his gang attack on Honky Tonk Man. Steamboat rams him into the buckle ten straight times and then does it ten more times just to make a point. Honky Tonk Man comes back with a snapmare and elbow drop to show off his variety of offense.

The Islanders trip Steamboat down so someone trips Honky Tonk Man right back down to set up the comeback. A belly to back suplex drops Honky Tonk Man but he breaks up a monkey flip, heaving Steamboat landing on his face. We take another break, with Heenan describing it as “eh” before coming back with Steamboat getting whipped over the top to the floor.

This time Honky Tonk Man follows him out, only to have the lumberjacks throw them back in (nice to see people doing their job for a chance). The neck crank goes on for a bit but Steamboat is right back with some chops. There’s the top rope chop to the head but Hart has the referee. Therefore Steele comes in and counts the pin, which Steamboat seems to think counts. Why to faces have to be so dumb? The melee allows Honky Tonk Man to hit Steamboat with the megaphone to retain at 12:28.

Rating: B-. This was a fun match and the kind of thing that the two of them could work together so well. That’s what you need for a show like this and it felt like something special. The fans were behind it too and the lumberjacks made it that much better. Good stuff here and the best match on the show by far.

Post match the big brawl is on with the good lumberjacks clearing the ring. The fans are LIVID at this one, as an MSG crowd will be.

Vince and Bobby talk about the Main Event Intercontinental Title match, with Heenan thinking Honky Tonk Man is going to retain the title. Oh and he’ll leave with Elizabeth too.

Post break, Bobby wants a dinner bet on Hogan vs. Andre but Vince says he would lose by having to go anywhere with Heenan. That’s a harsh one.

Ted DiBiase and Andre the Giant recap everything with Hogan and promise to get the title. The amazing thing is that after so many people promised to do this, they actually pulled it off.

Vince and Bobby talk about the title match one more time, with Vince getting in some jabs at Heenan’s tie to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a good example of a show where the overall presentation worked a lot better than the pieces. The show was built to set up the Main Event card and I would think that thirty three million viewers would suggest that they did fairly well. The wrestling itself wasn’t all that great, though the main event was good house show fare. Nice enough show here and it set up one of the most famous matches in the history of the company.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2007
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the waste of time that was Unforgiven and now it is time to start getting ready for No Mercy. Last night’s show was so important that they have already announced the main event for next month’s pay per view. John Cena got disqualified against Randy Orton, so it’s time for a Last Man Standing match for Cena’s title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, with Cena snapping over Orton attacking Cena’s father.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to say he is sorry. Tonight he is better though and he feels FABULOUS. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders because he lost to Randy Orton! Last night his dad had the guts to show up and make him the proudest son in the world. Orton is stupid enough to think this is over and want a rematch. Then there is Coach, who made it even worse for Orton by giving him a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

That means no rules, no pinfalls and no disqualifications, so what he did last night is perfectly legal. At No Mercy, he is going through Orton like a hot knife through butter….but here is Coach to interrupt. Coach says that Cena should be glad he still has a job after last night, so tonight it’s payback time. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena, which works rather well for the champ. Hold on though, because Coach didn’t mean this Cena, but rather Cena’s dad, who can either have the match or have Cena stripped of the title.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and gets caught in a northern lights suplex just after the bell. An atomic drop sets up the legdrop between the legs to put Benjamin down though and Hardy takes over. There’s an armdrag into an armbar and they fight over a top wristlock. A backdrop puts Benjamin on the apron and there’s a kick to the chest to put him outside. Hardy hits the required dive to take Benjamin down again and we take a break.

Back with Benjamin working on a neck crank (with the replay showing Hardy missing the Whisper in the Wind and getting kicked in the head) before pounding away in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Benjamin two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. Now the Whisper in the Wind can work but Benjamin grabs a backbreaker for two more. A reverse DDT gets the same so Benjamin puts him on top, only to get shoved down. The Swanton retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. You knew these two were going to be able to have a good match with each other due to pure talent and it was a completely fine TV title defense for Hardy. It’s a way to get Hardy back on track after he got squashed by Khali last week so this was about as fine of a way as he had to be back to normal again.

The Diva Search finalists play beach volleyball. I think you get the idea here. In case you didn’t, there is a limbo competition on WWE.com.

Coach joins an annoyed Vince McMahon in his limo to try and calm him down. Vince is annoyed about Hornswoggle….who is in the limo also, eating Lucky Charms and restrained by tape because he’s an infant. How we didn’t hear Hornswoggle until the camera was on him is not clear, but Coach takes him inside (biting ensues).

John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling tonight but Cena’s dad insists on doing it.

Santino knocks on the Divas locker room door, looking for Maria, but finding Jillian Hall instead. Maria wanted to see the Condemned, even though Steve Austin’s performance was worse than Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards. Jillian: “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!” Santino wants to impress Maria so Jillian suggests a country duet together (Nashville and all). She starts a little Achy Breaky Heart and Santino agrees to save his ears. Don’t worry either, as he has another idea.

Vince McMahon is still yelling at Coach but they hear Irish music coming from Vince’s office. The office is now filled with green balloons and shamrocks, plus piles of Lucky Charms. Vince: “THIS IS ON YOU!” Hornswoggle pops up so Coach chases him off as a unicorn pops up to scare Vince.

Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

Flag match because reasons. Daivari goes for the flag to start but gets pulled back down. They take turns pulling the others to the mat until Daivari gets crotched on top. Duggan punches him down, then sends him into the post and pulls down the flag for the win.

Cody Rhodes volunteers to take John Cena’s dad’s place against Randy Orton but Coach turns him down. John Cena comes in and threatens Coach, who gives Cena a match tonight. If Cena wins, his dad is off the hook, but if not, the match is still on.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. As you might have seen last week, he has indeed fathered a son in Hornswoggle, who comes out doing a jig. Vince kneels down next to Hornswoggle and says that when he dies, Hornswoggle will get a lot of money. Hornswoggle: “Money money!” Vince has some papers with him tonight….because he is putting Hornswoggle up for adoption!

Cue a couple (Ed and Alice Koskey) with their attorney but Hornswoggle hugs Vince. That doesn’t sit well with the boss, so Hornswoggle pulls down Ed’s pants and bites the back of Alice’s dress. The Koskeys run off so Vince gets serious and tells him to get away from him. Vince throws him out and the fans are not happy with him. He insists that anyone here would have done the same thing but here is HHH to interrupt.

HHH takes credit for decorating Vince’s office earlier, which was difficult because it’s hard to find a unicorn around here. He knew Vince had slept with some trolls, but he didn’t know about elves, fairies and hobgoblins. Vince: “I’VE NEVER SLEPT WITH FAIRIES!” HHH: “That’s not what I read on the internet.” HHH thinks the Genetic Jackhammer had too much genetic Jack Daniels and now he’s a genetic jackass.

It isn’t surprising though, because he is short tempered, short sighted and a certain part of him is microscopic. Vince: “Are you finished?” HHH: “That’s the same thing Hornswoggle’s mom asked you the night you slipped her the shillelagh.” Just between them, did they do it on the Yellow Brick Road? Vince is livid, but one more question: was she magically delicious? Vince puts him in a match right now, which I believe had been mentioned earlier.

HHH vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Joined in progress with HHH clotheslining them down as Carlito comes out to watch. We settle down to Cade hitting a neckbreaker for two as we’ll be having tags in this one. Murdoch comes in and pounds away in the corner, setting up a Blockbuster for two. Cade grabs the neck crank before switching to a leg lariat for two. HHH fights up without much trouble though, knocks Murdoch off the apron, and finishes Cade with the spinebuster.

Rating: C-. I know it’s HHH, but beating the Tag Team Champions on your own so quickly isn’t exactly the easiest thing to see. It would be nice if there were some other villains who could have taken this spot but that isn’t how the tag team division works. This was about having HHH break a sweat before we get to continue the epic HHH vs. Carlito feud. I’m sure there are twelve people out there who want to see it keep going.

Post match Carlito, Cade and Murdoch stomp HHH down but Paul London and Brian Kendrick make the save. Cade and Murdoch leave so Carlito gets Pedigreed. HHH isn’t sure what to think….and Pedigrees both of them.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Melina/Jillian Hall

Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Mickie and Melina lock up to start until a neckbreaker takes Melina down. Jillian shoves Mickie off the top though and gets to come in to toss Mickie down by the hair. That’s about it for Mickie being in trouble though and she gets over for the tag off to Candice. House is cleaned and the Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in short order.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to glare at Candice.

The Condemned is on DVD tomorrow.

Vince McMahon is leaving and recaps the night, with Coach saying no one has seen Hornswoggle since Vince yelled at him. With that, Vince gets in his limo to leave, with Hornswoggle popping out of the trunk.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and if Cena wins, his dad is out of the match with Randy Orton. The opponent is….Santino Marella, which has Cena wondering if this is serious. So Santino is doing this to impress Maria, but Coach agreed to it? Cena initiates the finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena for the DQ.

Post match Orton handcuffs him to the ropes. Cue Coach to say that the match is still on, because Cena had to win the match by pinfall. That feels like a quick correction for Orton hitting the wrong person.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena

For reasons I don’t want to fathom, Orton went backstage during the break and does a full entrance here. John Cena is still on the floor and handcuffed to the bottom rope. The bell rings so Orton knocks him down and starts the stomping while looking down at Cena on the floor. The beating continues until Cody Rhodes runs in for the DQ.

Post match Orton sends Rhodes into the steps and RKO’s Mr. Cena. With his dad down, Cena unhooks the turnbuckle to escape and chases Orton off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Outside of Vince now having a son and interacting with him, this felt like a show where almost nothing changed. Cena still wants to wreck Orton for what he did to his dad, HHH is still tormenting Vince and….what else is there here? It isn’t a bad show, but it seems like everything is in a holding pattern until everyone gets back from their suspensions. Understandable, but it isn’t making things easy to watch.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 10, 2007
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the big reveal as this week will see the reveal of Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. This is the kind of story that feels like it should be a huge moment, with Mr. Kennedy feeling like the likely surprise, but that pesky steroids suspension seems to be throwing a wrench into the plans. That should open up a new door too, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We’re starting fast because here is Vince McMahon, with Coach, to get things going. Vince recaps the story, saying that he has an illegitimate son and that he is a “WWO” (Vince: “Let me try that again.”) superstar. Vince blames the mother for causing all of these problems before informing the fans that Coach DOES NOT suck. The only thing that makes Vince feel better is that his son isn’t from Green Bay, like Mr. Kennedy, who is on the current WWE Magazine. Vince happens to have a copy, which he has Coach rip up.

Enough of that though, as Vince wants to know who his son is, which brings out Great Khali. Runjin Singh translates for Great Khali, who said that “things are looking up” must mean him and he would be proud to be called The Great McMahon. Cue JBL to interrupt to talk about how he and Vince both love money. JBL: “Put Big Gulp on a leash.” Even in this market, he can guarantee and things are looking up. Vince owns wrestling and JBL is a wrestling god. They even go to the same barber!

He would love to be John Bradshaw McMahon but here is Jeff Hardy to interrupt this time. Coach: “What are you doing out here?” Jeff: “I’m not really sure.” Jeff thinks “things are looking up” might mean him diving off the ladder, but he certainly hopes he isn’t the son. JBL yells about Hardy and Khali’s hair, but here is Mr. Johnson, the son’s mother’s lawyer.

Vince goes into a rant about how much he hates attorneys before being told his son will be revealed at some point tonight. For now, the only thing Johnson will reveal is that Vince’s son is NOT Jeff Hardy. Jeff: “PRAISE THE LORD YEAH!” That celebration earns Jeff a singles match with Great Khali later tonight.

We see some photos of the South African tour, including Paul London and Brian Kendrick winning the Tag Team Titles from Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, only to lose them back three days later.

Paul London vs. Lance Cade

Brian Kendrick and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Cade headlocks him down to start so London pops up with a hurricanrana. A belly to back suplex drops London right back down and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either as London is up with a springboard missile dropkick. Murdoch tries to offer a distraction….but it lets Kendrick come in for Sliced Bread. London adds the running shooting star press for the fast pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and it was a way to bridge the feud to Sunday. I like the title switches on the tour as it gave this feud a bit of life, as otherwise it was just London and Kendrick getting another title shot. You can only get so far when there is no chance of a title switch and now they gave the thing a bit more interest.

We recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s dad two weeks ago, sending Cena over the edge with an attack on William Regal last week. As a result, Cena is barred from the building this week.

Coach tells Vince McMahon that William Regal is doing better but has a lot of recovering to do. As a result, Coach has banned John Cena from the building tonight, which Vince doesn’t like. Coach has another idea though, as he brings in the man who the fans have voted as the second most likely star to be Vince’s son: Stevie Richards! Vince cracks up laughing and sends Stevie away before asking Coach who was #1 in the audience vote. That would be HHH, which doesn’t sit well with Vince.

We look back at HHH beating up Carlito and REALLY beating up Umaga.

Carlito is ready to destroy HHH on Sunday at Unforgiven. As for tonight, Carlito is full of surprises.

HHH vs. Shelton Benjamin

Carlito is at ringside. HHH wins an early slugout and sends him shoulder first into the post. It works so well that HHH does it again before throwing Shelton into Carlito. We take a break and come back with HHH fighting out of a chinlock but getting DDTed for two. The chinlock goes on again so HHH fights up again, only to get caught with the spinning clothesline from the top. HHH’s standing clothesline connects to put both of them down for a breather. Back up and HHH hits a spinebuster, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C. This was more like the old school Benjamin and that is a very good thing to see. It’s great to have him showing off his offense and he looked like his old self here. That being said, he was little more than cannon fodder for HHH, which isn’t a big surprise. Nice match here, as HHH continues to get back to normal.

Post match Carlito goes after HHH but gets cut off. Cue Coach to say Vince McMahon is sick of HHH being disrespectful. Therefore, Carlito vs. HHH at Unforgiven is now No DQ….for Carlito only.

A car arrives and since it isn’t John Cena’s, he can roll right in.

Here is Randy Orton, with security, for a chat. Orton knows John Cena is watching at home, maybe with his dad. If that is the case, he needs to turn the volume down because his dad’s head must be throbbing. This Sunday at Unforgiven, it is one year since Cena won the WWE Title. Orton is in Cena’s head though and he is going to use that opening to take Cena down. Cue Cena through the crowd to get his hands on Orton but security holds him back so Orton can escape.

In the back, Vince McMahon yells at Coach for not keeping Cena out. Cue security, who still can’t hold Cena back. Cena gets in Vince’s face and says, as a man, that he knows what is happening to Orton at Unforgiven. Orton is going to feel pain and vengeance in his bones for Cena’s father. That is something even Vince can understand, and with that, Cena leaves.

Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Mickie flips out of an early snapmare attempt but gets whipped into the corner. That means a handspring elbow connects to give Jillian two as Candice talks about facing Beth Phoenix. Jillian pulls her down hard out of the corner and seems to rub Mickie’s face into her chest. Apparently it wakes Mickie up enough to kick Jillian in the head for the pin.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take both of them out so Candice runs in for the failed save attempt.

Sandman vs. Santino Marella

Before the match, Santino mourns the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, but at least he passed away before he had to see Steve Austin in the Condemned. Santino doesn’t understand this lack of culture but Sandman’s entrance cuts him off. Once Sandman gets rid of the kendo stick, Santino starts pounding him down and goes after the leg. A splash hits raised knees though and Sandman knocks him outside. That means a big dive (there’s a surprise) from Sandman but Marella uses the kendo stick for the DQ.

Post match Santino tries to break the stick over his own knee but hurts himself. Sandman gets the cage to chase him off.

Post break Maria is talking to Ron Simmons about Santino being so different lately. She thinks they might need to split up but here is Santino to jump Simmons. Santino even does Simmons’ catchphrase, which should signal his doom.

The Diva Search is coming back. Great. We get the first look at the finalists, including Eve Torres, Taryn Terrell and Lena Yada.

Unforgiven rundown.

Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Khali throws him into the corner to start for the elbow to the face. The Whisper in the Wind is knocked away and Khali hits a big boot. The Vice Grip finishes Hardy in a hurry. Your Intercontinental Champion everyone.

Post match here is Batista to spear Khali down without much effort.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for the big reveal, with the male roster surrounding the ring as well. HHH comes out last and Vince isn’t exactly pleased. Vince knows that one of these men is his son and wants to know who gets to be a McMahon. He wants to know who it is right now but here is Mr. Johnson on the Titantron. In accordance with his client’s wishes, he is going to eliminate some of the possible names.

First up, the son is not extreme, meaning ECW is out. Vince: “Thank God it’s not Balls Mahoney.” The son also has a fondness for gold, meaning he is a current or former champion. Next up is that the son’s skin is fair, which Vince (rather rapidly) points out means he is Caucasian. Vince has everyone left get in the ring, as he is told that the son’s hair is fair as well.

That leaves us with Sandman, JBL, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and HHH, though the fans want Kennedy (not here). Vince shoots that down before giving us the next clue: “Individual.” That takes Vince some time to figure out but it means he isn’t a tag wrestler. The final clue: the son loves to play the game.

That seems to leave HHH, who isn’t happy either. Vince says this isn’t right, with Johnson agreeing. The son loves to play games, such as hide and seek or marbles….because it’s HORNSWOGGLE! HHH nearly falls over in laughter as Hornswoggle pops out, grabs Vince’s leg, and puts his hat on Vince’s head to end the show.

So there’s your big reveal. After several weeks, we get Hornswoggle as the big gag blowoff, which was disappointing back in the day and it’s disappointing now. This time it isn’t WWE’s fault as the Kennedy suspension blew up what could have been a career making story, but ultimately there is only so much that can be done when the key player is gone. Hornswoggle was a bit funny and there is some good comedy potential, but it feels like it could have been so much more.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ALL about the big angle at the end, with the wrestling being a complete afterthought. That made for a weird show, as Unforgiven took a backseat as well, leaving the pay per view without much of a final push and the big story with a pretty lame resolution. Again, it isn’t WWE’s fault this time, but it is still pretty disappointing.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2007
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re actually taped this week as WWE is on its way to an international tour next week. Unforgiven is coming up later this month and we need a card, but there are going to be a few people missing. Late last week, a group of wrestlers were suspended for thirty days over connections with Signature Pharmacy, which had been linked to performance enhancing drugs.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

As a result, after this week, Charlie Haas, Edge, Gregory Helms, John Morrison, William Regal, Ken Kennedy, Umaga, Sho Funaki, Chris Masters, and Chavo Guerrero Jr. are going to be gone until next month. Booker T. was so adamant that he didn’t do anything that he gave notice and is gone. Eugene is gone as well, after not having a prescription for painkillers. In an unrelated note, Cryme Tyme is gone as well, albeit over issues with Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch and yelling at a referee. Things could be rather different for the next few weeks so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton attacking a variety of people, including John Cena’s dad to end last week’s show. In case it wasn’t clear in the first place, of course you know this means war.

Opening sequence.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is defending and punches Hardy down to start fast. A kick to the face and a headbutt both drop Hardy again and there’s a chest first whip into the corner. Umaga superkicks him off the apron and we take a break. Back with Umaga grabbing the nerve hold and then nailing a Samoan drop.

The middle rope headbutt misses though and Hardy gets a much needed breather. Hardy forearms away and gets two off a baseball slide dropkick. The Whisper in the Wind gets two but Umaga is back with the swinging Rock Bottom for two of his own. Umaga goes up top but Hardy crotches him down….and gets the very fast pin for the title. Even Hardy is stunned as Umaga kicks him off and out to the floor.

Rating: C. Most of this match was a house show fight until the shock ending. They did a good job of making this feel like a squash until the underdog won off a fluke, giving it almost a Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna Wrestlemania X vibe. Umaga feels like he got caught slipping on a banana peel instead of taking a defeat, which lets him come back as a monster in a month. Hardy getting the title is always a fine way to go though and this was about as logical of a way out as they had.

Post match, Umaga breaks a lot of stuff.

Vince McMahon has a bunch of attorneys with him to deal with his families’ attorneys. Carlito, with a slightly less stupid looking (though still stupid looking) haircut, comes in and gets his singles match with HHH turned into a handicap match with Umaga on his side.

Maria is a bit worried about her match with Beth Phoenix, as set up by Santino Marella. Santino tells her not to worry, because he has something to get off his chest. Oh and he’ll protect her too. Maria doesn’t seem convinced.

William Regal tells a production assistant to send John Cena to him when Cena arrives. Melina pops up and whispers something to Regal about her, ahem, meeting with Vince McMahon. Regal calls her kinky and says she should be ashamed of herself. Stephanie and Linda McMahon show up to glare at Melina. Linda gets in a slap in slow motion and here is Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Hold on though as first, Santino Marella says that he is going to beat up Ron Simmons as soon as his arm is better. He also calls the city a disgusting dump, but here is Sandman to interrupt. Santino says Sandman is jealous because Santino gets to make love to Maria, while Sandman only has his stick. Sandman canes him in the head and they go up the ramp, leaving Maria alone. This is completely edited off Peacock for whatever reason. As for the match, Beth throws Maria around with no trouble and finishes with a cradle suplex in less than a minute.

Post match, Beth says she is getting her Women’s Title shot at Unforgiven. Candice Michelle has never seen anything like her before and she beats up Maria again for a preview. Cue Candice for the save.

We see the aftermath of Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s father, including a nasty black eye.

Here is William Regal to recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s last week. As a result, Regal has given Orton the night off, but Orton is here via satellite. Orton makes it clear: Cena did this to himself and his father’s blood is on his hands. All Cena had to do was give Orton his rematch for the WWE Title, so does Cena want it now? Want it or not, Regal makes the match for Unforgiven.

Orton hopes Cena’s dad never forgives his son but here is Cena to no music. Cena comes to the ring and promptly beats the daylights out of Regal, including knocking him over the announcers’ table and putting him in the STFU. Referees finally make a late save but Regal is done.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The winners get a Tag Team Title shot against Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, on commentary, at Unforgiven. Kendrick and Haas start things off with Kendrick being in trouble on the technical side. A wristlock works a bit better and it’s London coming in to stay on Haas’ arm. Benjamin comes in for a gorilla press gutbuster to take over on London though and we hit the neck crank. Back up and London rams heads with Haas, allowing the crawling tag over to Kendrick. The fans get into things as Kendrick hits back to back dives on Haas and Benjamin. With Benjamin and London on the floor, Sliced Bread gives Kendrick the fast pin.

Rating: C+. London and Kendrick are valuable people to have on the roster as they can have a good match with anyone while getting the fans behind them. That should set them up as good #1 contenders and the match should be good enough. Haas and Benjamin continue to be fine opponents for anyone, as the tag division is starting to grow again. That being said, I do wonder if London and Kendrick were supposed to be Cryme Tyme.

Post match Cade and Murdoch get in the ring for what seems like some false sportsmanship.

William Regal is in an ambulance as Shane McMahon walks by.

Video on CM Punk, who is challenging for the ECW World Title tomorrow night.

Carlito tries to fire up Umaga by telling him that HHH was laughing at him for losing the Intercontinental Title.

Vince McMahon meets with his lawyers and asks about his money being secure. After seemingly making Coach GM in place of the injured William Regal, Vince fires a lawyer for suggesting he use a defensive strategy.

Here are Jillian Hall and Daivari, with the former saying she isn’t supposed to sing due having her wisdom teeth cut out but she’ll do it anyway! We get some Summer Lovin before it’s time for a tag match. This is also missing from Peacock.

Cody Rhodes/Mickie James vs. Daivari/Jillian Hall

The women start things off, with Jillian telling Mickie to avoid the teeth. Instead Mickie kicks her in the ribs and then in the face so it’s off to the men. Cody armdrags Daivari down into a few armbars but has to fight out of a chinlock. Daivari drops some elbows for two instead and the chinlock goes right back on. That’s broken up as well so Cody puts on a spinning toehold. Jillian tries a save but Mickie cuts her off, leaving Cody to hit a DDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. As has been the case since Cody’s push began, it isn’t about the match itself but rather Cody getting to establish himself. The good thing is that they have mixed it up a little bit, as he may be beating Daivari over and over, at least they are having it in different forms. It isn’t a huge push, but they’re going about it in a smart way.

Carlito/Umaga vs. HHH

Carlito throws the lefts at HHH to start but gets punched down for his efforts. HHH throws him down by the hair and then goes for Umaga but Carlito comes back in. Some double teaming is enough for the quick DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on but Carlito grabs a chair, which HHH takes away and wrecks both of them (including several shots to Umaga’s head). The sledgehammer is brought in and HHH blasts Umaga in the head to bust him open. A big sledgehammer shot to the back of the head knocks Umaga cold and I’d assume it’ll take about thirty days for him to recover.

Unforgiven rundown.

Here are Vince McMahon and his attorneys to deal with the rest of the family. Vince knows this whole thing is about the money and everyone here wants a handout. Cue Linda McMahon, sans attorneys, to say she is the CEO of WWE so she has her own money. Thanks to Coach bringing all of those women out here to explain that Vince has had so many affairs, she can take him for everything he has. Vince tries to calm things down but here is Stephanie McMahon to interrupt.

Vince knows she’s the volatile one but they’ve had some great times together. He has a video for her looking at A Father’s Love (this could go so many different ways from Vince), which is him pummeling Linda and Stephanie over the years. Vince panics because it’s the wrong video, but HHH pops up on screen. HHH swears he had NOTHING to do with that. HHH: “Hi Steph.” That gets a smile from Stephanie, who thinks Vince should step down from his position as Chairman of the Board.

Now it’s Shane McMahon coming out to ask if he’s talking to Vince McMahon his father, or an arm swinging, death faking, egomaniacal lunatic. Shane thinks Vince needs to change in some way because this could all work out. Shane: “I always wanted a brother!” That gets a glare from Stephanie, but Vince says he never had any affairs. He was saying all of those things to make himself feel better and he only cheated on Linda ONE TIME. That was the woman who gave birth to the illegitimate son and Vince feels terrible about it. He gets on his knee to apologize but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt.

Kennedy says there are a lot of coincidences between himself and Vince and it just so happens that the son will be revealed next week in his hometown of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Kennedy flat out says he is Vince’s son, which Stephanie doesn’t buy. Hold on though, as Kennedy credits Vince for turning him into a WWE Superstar and then says his name loudly, with the MCMAHON at the end.

Vince hugs him, but here is a guy in a suit to say that he represents the mother of Vince’s illegitimate son. It is NOT Mr. Kennedy (darn that stupid pharmacy), but he does have a clue as to the son’s identity: Things Are Looking Up. Vince wants to know what that means to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a really weird show as the biggest issue came from having to deal with having to wrap up so many people all at once. The Kennedy deal was the big one, as not only is he gone, but now he has lost the spot in what was probably the biggest angle of his career. The rest of the show wasn’t very good either, but I would wonder how many things had to be changed late because of all of the suspensions. Not a good show, though there were some rather unique circumstances.

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Smackdown
Date: August 31, 2007
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re done with Summerslam and that means it is time to start getting ready for Unforgiven. While a series of vignettes has already said that Undertaker will be back, likely to face Mark Henry, we are also likely getting another Batista vs. Great Khali match for the World Title. It wasn’t pretty the first time, but Khali got himself disqualified to set up a likely rematch. Happy day to us. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

Rey Mysterio is back tonight.

Teddy Long is in the ring with the Great Khali and Runjin Singh. Long gets straight to the point: tonight it’s a Championship Competition to crown a new #1 contender. First up, it’s Finlay vs. Kane, with the winner facing the winner of the winner of Rey Mysterio vs. Batista for the Unforgiven title shot. Back in my day we called that a tournament but that doesn’t have alliteration.

Championship Competition First Round: Kane vs. Finlay

Kane doesn’t have his ribs taped this time. Finlay puts the Shillelagh down in the corner so Kane picks it up to change things a bit. The referee makes him drop it, allowing Hornswoggle to pop up and take it away. Kane knocks Finlay down and hits a basement dropkick, which has JBL talking about a pot of neckbone.

They head outside with Kane being sent into the steps to bang up the ribs again. Back in and Finlay hits his own basement dropkick but Kane kicks him away for a breather. Kane goes with a simple strategy of hit Finlay in the face, setting up the side slam. The chokeslam connects but Kane loads up the Tombstone (which he hasn’t used in a long time). Finlay slips out and it’s a Hornswoggle distraction so the Shillelagh can knock Kane cold for the pin.

Rating: C. These two know how to have a hard hitting fight and that ‘s what they did here, albeit with a few shenanigans thrown in. Finlay getting the win is a bit of a surprise, but it isn’t a big enough upset that it is unbelievable. Kane even gets protected thanks to the Shillelagh. They kept to the point here and while it wasn’t as good as the Summerslam match, it was nice to see them do it again.

We look at Deuce N Domino breaking up Matt Hardy and MVP’s game of basketball to help set up this week’s Tag Team Title match.

Jesse and Festus talk about going back to school. Festus did all of the advance learning and learned Latin and advanced trigonometry.

Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

Deuce N Domino are challenging and have Cherry in their corner. Matt isn’t wasting time and jumps the champs before the bell. That lets MVP grab some early rollups for two each on Domino but Matt tags himself in, much to MVP’s annoyance. The bulldog out of the corner gets two on Domino and a double clothesline takes the champs down. Now it’s MVP tagging himself in, allowing Matt to take his shirt off.

Matt is right back in, as MVP doesn’t seem like he is allowed to do much yet. Domino uses one of the distractions to get in a shot of his own to take over as we take a break. Back with Matt still in trouble in the corner, including Deuce dropping a leg for two. The chinlock goes on and then goes on again after Matt’s comeback is cut off.

Some knees to the face get two on Matt but he fights his way out of the corner for a breather. Domino is sent into Deuce and gets taken down by the Side Effect, allowing the tag off to MVP. Granted it’s in the form of a slap to the face, but Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Domino so MVP can steal the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. They didn’t have many options here as MVP was limited to rollups and covers due to his health issues. There is some good opportunity for some trash talk between the two of them though and the story does have some legs. As for Deuce N Domino, they held the titles for a long time, but there is only so much that can be done when you have no teams to face and have nothing to do most weeks. Maybe Matt and MVP can do better, but there isn’t much of a division to speak of at the moment.

MVP posts with all three titles and Matt is stunned.

Batista comes in to see Vince McMahon, who is rather impressed by Batista’s physique. Vince talks about their various similarities and thinks Batista might be his son. Batista does think there are some similarities, but talks about how he was raised by a single mother who could barely keep food on the table. If Vince was his father and didn’t contribute a dime to anything, violence would ensue. Come to think of it, Vince doesn’t believe they look that much alike.

Teddy Long and Kristal are getting married in three weeks.

Eugene is here with a t-shirt gun but Mark Henry comes out to…well I think you get the idea. Henry says that the Undertaker is coming back at Unforgiven (the Undertaker videos saying UNFORGIVEN might have given it away) so here’s another Undertaker video, with Undertaker’s hand popping out of the ground.

Championship Competition First Round: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

They shake hands and hug to start before Batista powers him into the corner. After a clean break, Batista does it again to prove his point. Rey gets smart by trying the speed and spins around Batista, who blasts him with a clothesline. Batista doesn’t seem happy as he sends Rey outside and then runs him over for two back inside.

The chinlock with a bodyscissors goes on for a fairly good while until Rey fights up. A dropkick cuts off Batista’s knee but he hits Rey in the face again. That still doesn’t sit well with Batista, allowing Rey to hit a springboard seated senton for two. Batista plants him with the spinebuster but here is Finlay with a chair. That’s cut off and Batista grabs the chair but shoves the referee does for the DQ by mistake.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly a great match but at least they gave Batista a reason not to crush Rey. It was nice to have something other than destruction and it ties into their history together for a change. The setup of Rey vs. Finlay for the title match is interesting, but it doesn’t leave much for Batista to do.

We take a long look at Vince McMahon on Carlito’s Cabana on Raw, resulting in HHH bringing out a bunch of women from Vince’s past. Hilarity did not ensue.

Ashley is going to be on the next season of Survivor.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for a chat. Vince talks about HHH bringing out a bunch of “freaks” on Monday, but he only has relations with beautiful women. Vince: “They have all felt my rock hard…..body.” Coach wants to prove that Vince has great taste in women by bringing out some women that Vince has, ahem, known over the years. First up is a woman from New York in 1983, who still remembers the unbridled passion.

Next up is New Year’s Eve 1977, which apparently is the first time he met Howard Finkel. Vince doesn’t like that memory so Coach brings out the three women from the same night. That means some details from Vince, with Coach having to cut him off. They’re all happy to remember ringing in the new year with a bang, with Vince seeming pleased.

Finally, we have Mary Katherine…who is now a nun. This has Vince freaked out but she talks about how that one night in 1981 at the Cape Cod Coliseum made her realize that only God could be better than him. Coach: “She was second to none.” Coach laughs at the pun and Vince wants new memories with them together. The women leave so Vince talks about his family showing up this week. Vince can’t stand the attorneys they’re bringing in, but he wants his son to see what family is really like. I don’t see that going well, but it almost has to be better than this stupid thing.

It’s time for Chuck Palumbo to take the Masterlock Challenge. Masters jumps him instead of putting the hold on but gets cleared out.

Raw Rebound.

Jamie Noble is obsessed with taking out Hornswoggle next week. Shannon Moore wishes him luck by putting an “I Heart Leprechauns” sign on his back.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

The winner gets a title shot at Great Khali at Unforgiven. Finlay goes after Rey’s bad back to start but gets low bridged to the floor. That means a Hornswoggle distraction so Finlay can sit on Rey’s back as we take a break. Back with Finlay running Rey over and hitting a slam to keep the target simple. The half crab goes on until Rey fights up and hits an enziguri. The 619 to the back of the head sets up a springboard sunset flip to give Rey the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C. This was short and another not great match as they were moving pretty fast. The whole thing couldn’t have been nine minutes, which isn’t that long when you have a commercial in the middle. It doesn’t help that we have seen Rey vs. Khali before and it was pretty terrible all things considered. Maybe they can come up with something better this time, but this could bode badly.

Post match Great Khali comes out and goes after Rey but Batista makes the save. Cole and JBL talk about how this is like David vs. Goliath, meaning Rey is going to need a slingshot and God to survive.

Overall Rating: C-. The show had a point and a focus, but that doesn’t mean it was all that interesting. The one night mini tournament was a good way to go, though it would have been nice to have a match that I actually liked watching. They did what they needed to do here, but they did it in about as boring of a way possible. On the bright side, MVP and Matt Hardy as champions could be good, so at least there is something here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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