Monday Night Raw – June 17, 2002: Maybe He Should Have Left Earlier
Monday Night Raw Date: June 17, 2002
Location: The Arena in Oakland, Oakland, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for King of the Ring and that means we’re getting the first two quarterfinal matches tonight. Unfortunately it means we’re also getting more of the mess that Raw has become. However, with WWE having to hit a big reset button last week, it should be interesting to see where things go from here. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap looks at Shawn Michaels superkicking Booker T. out of the NWO, somehow managing to make them even less interesting.
Opening sequence.
Tonight: the REAL STORY on Steve Austin from Confidential (a news style show that aired in 2002). Oh that could be good.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: X-Pac vs. Rob Van Dam
Non-title. We get the loud X-PAC SUCKS chants as he rides Van Dam on the mat, likely trying to show the fans up a bit. That earns him some kicks to the face and it’s time for the RVD chants. The spinning kick to the back on the apron has both of them down on the floor but it’s X-Pac coming back with a good looking kick to the face. They’re already ahead of Ernest Miller vs. Jerry Flynn so that’s quite the good sign. The Bronco Buster doesn’t work and Van Dam mostly hits the step over kick to the…we’ll say face. X-Pac sends him to the floor but Booker runs in for the Bookend, setting up one heck of a Five Star for the pin.
Rating: C+. Litany of kicks aside, this was actually quite the entertaining match, which isn’t something you see enough around here. X-Pac is still a very talented in ring worker and can hang with a high flier like Van Dam, who was on his game here as well. Van Dam going forward is interesting but I’m not sure if it’s the best idea to push the Intercontinental Champion deep into a tournament as it means either giving him two accolades or having the champ lose a big match.
We get the first Confidential clip with JR saying Austin leaving was like John Wayne becoming a coward and walking away. This is going to get bad in a hurry.
X-Pac wants Booker but Kevin Nash has a plan.
Here’s Vince McMahon for the big Austin segment. Austin really is gone and odds are he’s not coming back. Last week, Austin was booked for Raw but didn’t show up, just like he didn’t after Wrestlemania. A few months ago, Austin said he was burned out and that’s understandable so the company forgave him. This time is too much though and Austin owes a lot of people an apology. True.
Last week, Austin was in town but he wouldn’t take any calls save for one from Jim Ross. However, Austin refused to come to the arena and air his grievances, which Vince calls uncharacteristic of Austin. The company will move on and develop new ideas and new concepts, including the King of the Ring winner receiving a title shot at Summerslam. Vince knows Austin wishes everyone well and says thank you on behalf of the fans and company. A beer toast wraps this up.
This could have been much, much worse and the company comes off as taking the high road for a change. Vince made sure to say that this isn’t like Austin and it would have been ridiculous for the company to turn its back on the man who saved them at their darkest hour for one such issue. If nothing else, consider all the people who have no showed over the years and been welcomed back later. It’s nice to see them acting professional and not turning this into a comedy routine for a change. Well done here, though the show isn’t over yet.
Jeff Hardy vs. Raven
This is fallout from a match on Heat where Jeff snapped and choked Raven with a cord. Undertaker comes out at the bell and it’s Jeff taking over with an armdrag to send Raven outside. The Undertaker distraction lets Raven send Jeff outside as well though, followed by a knee to the back of the head. A quick headscissors sends Raven into the buckle and Jeff breaks up a superplex attempt, setting up the Swanton for the pin.
Rating: D+. Just two guys having a match here as Jeff’s singles push actually begins. Granted it’s not likely to get very far with the feud being against Undertaker, who isn’t known as the greatest seller of all time. At least they’re pushing someone new though as it’s one of their biggest issues.
Goldust is now dressed like a noble because he likes the sound of King Booker. So Goldust came up with that fairly awesome character? Either way it seems to fire Booker up for his match with Brock. “Now can thou diggeth that sucka???”
Molly Holly is doing squats because someone in good enough shape to be a professional wrestler apparently needs to shed a ton of weight. Coach makes stupid puns and thankfully gets slapped.
Big Show finds that funny as X-Pac comes up and calls him G-Money. We get an NWO huddle until Paul Heyman and Lesnar come in. Heyman wants the NWO to stay out of Brock’s way tonight and avoid any potential complications. X-Pac doesn’t like the idea of a threat, which makes the NWO seem like the faces in this whole thing. Shawn and Heyman have a battle of the stupid looking hats and everyone stares at Lesnar.
Chris Nowinski vs. Spike Dudley
Nowinski has William Regal in his corner. Spike stomps him down in the corner as Chris is wrestling in khakis, which come off as Spike is sent outside. Back in and we hit the choking against the ropes as Chris’ rookie offense isn’t the most versatile yet. Spike comes back with a top rope double stomp (I still don’t understand how that doesn’t crack ribs) but Regal offers a distraction so Chris can get in some weird full nelson slam for the pin.
Rating: D-. Much like the Hardy match, points for trying to introduce some new characters. Chris wouldn’t seem to be the answer to a lot of the show’s problems but you have to try something somewhere. Unfortunately the match was rather horrible and it took help to beat Spike Dudley. You have to start somewhere though.
Regal and Nowinski put the boots to Spike until Bradshaw makes the save.
Here’s Ric Flair for a chat. Last week people thought he lost everything but he realized he had to get out or put out. Ric decided that he’s found himself again and is sorry for everything he’s done. He might have lost a step but he’s still the dirtiest player in the game, which he’ll prove to Brock Lesnar.
Cue the glass shatter but of course it’s a ruse so Eddie Guerrero can come out instead. Eddie goes on a rant about losing the chance to face Austin at King of the Ring, which he blames entirely on Flair. Now it’s Benoit coming out, with Lawler still saying Benoit is on Smackdown. I get the idea that they drafted him but since he’s clearly going to be on Raw, just say something about a trade or buying his contract or something like that.
Benoit asks Eddie if he knows who he’s talking to and holds up the Horsemen sign. Eddie still doesn’t buy it so Flair offers to replace Austin at King of the Ring. The challenge seems to be accepted as Eddie says something about Ric’s madre. Benoit jumps to Flair’s defense….and then blames him for taking Austin away before Benoit can get revenge for the lost year. The beatdown is on with Eddie putting on the Figure Four.
Chris Nowinski (he’s getting a lot of time tonight) introduces himself to Vince and doesn’t seem to think much of Vince going to East Carolina University. Tony Garea of all people calls and says someone is on his way. Vince doesn’t say who it is but thinks it’s Austin.
Vince tells security to give Austin some leeway.
Trish Stratus/D’Lo Brown vs. Crash/Molly Holly
Brown and Crash got into it on Heat last night. The guys don’t do much to start so it’s quickly off to the women as Lawler tries to get the fans to chant that Molly is fat. The Chick Kick gets two but Molly puts her down, only to miss the Molly Go Round. Everything breaks down as the guys come back in with a Sky High putting Crash away. Lawler was DISTURBING here and this is getting harder and harder to listen to every week.
Molly pulls Trish off the apron, sending her face first into the announcers’ table.
Lita, who can somehow look good even in a massive neck brace, thinks Matt is being too dangerous by fighting Undertaker tonight.
Vince has a separate camera crew ready to document everything Austin does. Jackie Gayda comes in and asks to be a Raw girl but has to compete in the Divas Undressed special next week.
Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy
Non-title. Matt goes right after him but has to punch his way out of the Last Ride. A running chokeslam gets two as Jeff pulls the referee out but here’s Raven to go after Jeff because that’s still a thing. The Last Ride finishes Matt quick.
Raven handcuffs Jeff to the ropes so Undertaker can beat on him while Raven holds Matt in place. Matt Hardy can’t handle Raven?
Post break, Undertaker says he doesn’t want people making a name for themselves off of him. HHH better have been watching.
Vince gets another call but can’t hear who is on the way.
Heyman tells Earl Hebner to do his job tonight and DQ Booker as soon as anyone comes to ringside. Hebner tells him to stay out of it. Booker comes in for the catchphrase.
King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Brock Lesnar vs. Booker T.
The NWO comes out for commentary as Heyman starts to panic as only he can. Booker chops away to start but is clotheslined out to the floor. JR tries to find out why Booker isn’t NWO material. Shawn: “He’s a showman, he’s a dancer. There’s no place for that in the NWO.” Now Goldust comes out so we can have six extra people at ringside. A powerslam puts Booker down and Goldust decks Heyman for general purposes. The ax kick sets up the Spinarooni but the NWO gets on the apron, allowing Brock to hit the F5 (finally referred to as such) to advance.
Rating: D. This was more smoke and mirrors to protect Brock but at least Booker didn’t lose clean. It was also smart to put Booker in there to guarantee the match went smoothly as someone like Brock still needs a guide to get him through a match. Lesnar is clearly getting the rocket push, despite how green he looks out there.
Goldust and Booker get the NWO beatdown.
Vince tells Slaughter to go greet Austin.
After a break, Vince is in the ring with a beer for Austin and you can feel the fans getting excited. Garea comes out to tell Vince that it was another he……and here’s the Rock. You know, the top Smackdown pick who was around for like two episodes. Rock immediately hits the catchphrases and gives Vince fifteen seconds to get out of this ring. Vince is out at ten and Rock throws the beer over Vince’s head (with Vince on the stage) as he goes.
Rock goes on a tirade against Austin (without mentioning his name), saying if anyone else doesn’t want to be with the company, they can get the F out. He’s scheduled to be back on Smackdown July 11 but we’ll make that this Sunday at King of the Ring. In fifty years he’ll be using the people’s walker to get down to the ring because this is in his blood. We hit one more catchphrase to wrap this up. Rock was really the only name that was going to replace Austin so this was as good as it was going to get.
Overall Rating: C-. Maybe Austin should have left a long time ago. This was a much easier show to sit through as they actually advanced some stories and started focusing on some new stars. Brock is looking like a huge deal, Booker is a charged up face with people to feud with and Jeff Hardy is in a quick feud with Undertaker. Those aren’t great developments but they’re steps in the right direction, which you haven’t seen on this show in way too long. Better, but still not good this week.
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Smackdown Date: June 13, 2002
Location: Bi-Lo Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re ten days away from King of the Ring and it’s really not looking like the most interesting thing in the world. Granted you could say that about almost any show around this point but this one is looking even worse. Smackdown no longer has its own owner so things are changing all over again. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of the big angle from Monday.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Vince to get things going, flanked by a bunch of security guards and with a table and chairs set up in the ring. Vince stands on top of the table and goes on a rant about how he put everything on the line and how powerful people only get more powerful. That’s why we’re going to entertain you tonight, starting with a CONTRACT SIGNING!
The boss brings out Undertaker and HHH for the very slow paced staredown. Undertaker signs, HHH throws out a chair and then signs, Vince talks and it’s a ratings bonanza! Security grabs HHH and the beatdown is on until HHH pulls out a well placed sledgehammer. HHH says he isn’t leaving until he gets his hands on Undertaker. A security guard gets beaten down and it’s time for a break. Back with HHH still in the ring as Billy, Chuck and Rico are standing on the ramp with the champs holding chairs. Threats of sucking on a sledgehammer ensue and Billy gets laid out.
With that not getting HHH anywhere, HHH he on the announcers’ table until the hammer actually breaks. Naturally there’s another hammer waiting but that can’t break the table either so HHH just kicks the thing over. Now it’s a monitor being destroyed, followed by a camera. Vince FINALLY comes out and makes HHH/Hogan vs. Undertaker/Angle for later. We’re over a fourth of the way through this show and they’ve only set up the main event. Oh and HHH beat up a Tag Team Champion. The camera gets destroyed too.
Back from a break with….replays!
Earlier today, Nidia made fun of Hurricane so he suggested she use her oral skills to tell Jamie Noble to come find him. A challenge is issued so Nidia licks his face. She’s no Catrina.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Test vs. Hurricane
Non-title of course. Test no sells some right hands to start and we can see the announcers’ table still on its side. Is HHH going to come back out here and hit them with his hammer if someone tips it back over? Hurricane avoids a charge in the corner but his crossbody is pulled out of the air. The chokeslam is broken up but a quick Eye of the Hurricane gets two on Test. And never mind as the Test Drive gets rid of Hurricane clean in less than two minutes. That would be two champions taken out in less than forty minutes.
Nidia and Noble come out and take off Hurricane’s mask.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Tajiri vs. Hardcore Holly
The table has been turned back over. You can stop panicking. Tazz picks Holly to win the whole tournament while Cole, who isn’t quite as stupid, picks Chris Jericho. Tajiri starts fast with the kicks, including the big spinning version for two. A powerslam gives Holly the same To change things up a bit, Tajiri kicks him in the head again for two more, followed by an Alabama Slam to give Holly the pin.
Rating: D. To be fair this was just to get to the final eight so Holly advancing isn’t the worst thing in the world. They kept it short but this was about three and a half minutes of them trading moves until one of them got pinned. Maybe they don’t quite have enough room on the roster for sixteen people but then we couldn’t have qualifying matches and those are interesting. Not as interesting as a thirty minute contract signing segment but you have to take what you can get.
Val Venis and Jericho trash talk each other.
GET THE F OUT! BARBERSHOP VERSION!
Chris Jericho/Lance Storm vs. Val Venis/Billy Kidman
Val runs Jericho over with a shoulder to start and a neckbreaker gets two. Kidman comes in with a bad looking high crossbody, though it could be due to Kidman’s trunks being about three sizes too small. The former Sudden Impact starts taking over on Kidman with Storm hitting a dropkick before Jericho misses a charge in the corner.
That’s enough for the tag off to Val as everything breaks down. The good guys mess up a spot with Kidman being launched into a dropkick (or maybe a hurricanrana), leaving him a little short and only kicking Storm in the chest with one foot. Val and Jericho go outside so Kidman can hit the shooting star. Jericho pulls the referee though and drops Kidman, only to have Billy roll Storm up for the surprise pin.
Rating: C+. I can always go for moving a cruiserweight up the ladder a little bit and Kidman is more than good enough to make that jump. Now I have no faith in WWE to not screw this up all over again as that’s certainly their custom, but at least he got a win here and it’s a win he could build on rather than one over Jericho where he would get beaten in their singles rematch.
Replays show Storm’s shoulder was up. So much for Kidman looking good.
Hogan doesn’t think much about Angle for attacking him last week after the big match with HHH (that one that didn’t even last seven minutes). See, Hogan and Angle are a lot alike. They’re both American icons, they both love the red, white and blue, they’re both former champions and they’re both bald. The only difference is Hogan lost his hair battle to mother nature. Hogan wants a fight with Angle at some point in the future and can’t wait to face him in the main event tonight.
Storm yells at Brian Hebner for screwing up and thinks it’s typical American behavior, especially from this family. To be fair, they haven’t done anything with Montreal in what, ten minutes at this point?
We look at Jackie Gayda costing Linda Miles her debut match on Velocity.
Linda has found a partner to help her fight Jackie and Ivory: Trish.
Vince is on the phone and says the camera cost $50,000. Angle comes in and accepts Hogan’s challenge for King of the Ring but can’t stand the idea that Hogan thinks he’s bald. Undertaker comes in but Vince tells him tonight is a calculated risk.
D-Von comes out, calls…..shall we say self pleasuring a sin and says he doesn’t do that anymore. Faarooq comes out and says he still does.
Faarooq vs. Reverend D-Von
Spinebuster ends D-Von in seven seconds.
Batista hits D-Von in the head with the collection box by mistake. This whole thing took about three minutes, which is likely due to the opening segment taking up a fourth of the show. That might not be the worst thing in the world.
Trish Stratus/Linda vs. Ivory/Jackie Gayda
Thankfully the veterans start things off with Ivory taking over, allowing Jackie to hit Trish in the face with a knee brace. It’s off to Linda for a slam and dropkick with Ivory making the save. A double flapjack plants Linda again but the Stratusphere sets up Stratusfaction for the pin on Ivory. It’s good that they kept this short for obvious reasons. I’d be rather annoyed if I paid for this show and had to sit through a pair of rookies having a horrible match because of some reality show.
Stacy, looking GREAT tonight, hits on Vince for becoming boss again. Vince kisses her and Stacy looks disgusted. Dawn Marie knocking at the door was ignored.
For the first time we see the brackets for the King of the Ring.
X-Pac
Rob Van Dam
Val Venis
Chris Jericho
Test
Hardcore Holly
Booker T.
Brock Lesnar
Angle and Undertaker attack Hogan.
Hulk Hogan/HHH vs. Undertaker/Kurt Angle
HHH runs out and blasts Angle during the entrances so it’s the HHH vs. Undertaker slugout to start. Angle gets back in and the double teaming has HHH in trouble as we get down to the regular tag structure. The champ is happy with letting Angle do most of the work and get in a cheap shot here and there. A right hand puts Taker down but that’s enough of a distraction to start the rolling German suplexes.
Cole thinks HHH might be thrown off by fighting two men at the same time. This would be your “Gee willikers Cole, you think so?” moment of the night. Undertaker comes in for some slow right hands before it’s back to Angle for a sleeper. A double clothesline drops Taker and HHH, followed by Angle going shoulder first into the post. HHH is able to send Kurt into the steps but grabs the sledgehammer to draw the DQ.
Rating: D. It’s hard to imagine that this took place for any reason other than “Hogan can’t be trusted for more than one match every few weeks”. The wrestling here was way too slow paced to work and I was very bored for the most part. HHH vs. Undertaker is looking horrible for a main event and Angle is going to need a miracle to make Hogan look passable.
The beatdown continues post match with HHH being left laying, only to have Hogan run out and attack Angle. HHH gets back up and the wig is ripped off. A lot of posing ensues to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. I know Raw gets all the criticism but this show was a trainwreck. It was half an hour of waiting around until we get to the end of the first segment (with the Tag Team Champions being treated as cannon fodder) and then a bunch of short matches, including a seven second “match” which didn’t seem to serve much of a purpose. Things can get better but the main event is just killing this promotion right now.
Oh and as a bonus, here are the final four segments from a house show the Sunday before this show:
Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi/Tazz
Chris Jericho vs. Val Venis
Swimsuit contestant
Hardcore Holly vs. Kurt Angle (Holly won)
Venis is probably a substitute for Edge but I have no idea where HHH was, as he and Angle main evented a house show the next night.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
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Monday Night Raw – June 10, 2002 (2016 Redo): A Missing Rattlesnake, An Owner and One Disgusting Promo
Monday Night Raw Date: June 10, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Steve Austin is gone and he’s not coming back for a long time. Austin walked out of the company earlier in the day before this show due to not wanting to lose to Brock Lesnar in a King of the Ring qualifying match with no build. He had been unhappy for a long time and this was the breaking point, meaning most of the show had to be rewritten at the last minute. There’s not much of a point in recapping most of what’s going on because everything is changing here so let’s get to it.
Before we get to the show, let’s talk about Austin a little more. There are two major points to get out of the way here: Austin was completely unprofessional by leaving like he did but he was absolutely right with a lot of his complaints. Let’s look at the second part first. Austin losing to Lesnar in a one off match on Raw would have been a very, very stupid move and a huge waste of money. While he wasn’t the star he once was, Austin was the undisputed biggest name on Raw and a win over him, no matter how it was attained, would be a big deal.
Austin has said (albeit years later) that he had no problem putting Lesnar over but he had a problem with doing it on Raw with no build. Put this up on a pay per view with a regular build and it’s going to draw money. Putting it on a nothing Raw in a qualifying match (Austin vs. Lesnar should have been a featured match, as in the tournament final and one of the show’s main events) was very shortsighted and fairly insulting to Austin at the same time.
On top of that, Austin had been doing some really stupid angles over the last few weeks. Whether it was the WAY too long feud with the NWO or relieving himself on Arn Anderson or probably making Ric Flair clean the toilets, Austin was a pretty long way away from his must see war against Vince McMahon and headlining Wrestlemania with the Rock. Austin deserved better than this and should have been in the World Title picture instead of taking care of all these people in Raw in a glorified midcard role.
All that being said, no one has the right to walk out on a show, especially when he was advertised as the big draw of the night. It’s insulting to the company but more importantly to the fans who paid to see Austin that night. Maybe Austin was looking for an excuse to get out or he finally snapped but there’s no excuse for what he did, especially with the way he was barely in contact for several months after walking out. Maybe this will be better for Raw in the long term, but give the company a way to write him off TV and not be forced into a bait and switch. It’s a bad moment all around and no one looks great but Austin looks worse.
Anyway, on with the show.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Ric Flair to open the show. As he makes his way to the ring, JR makes the first Austin reference by talking about the personal assistant story. Flair recaps the story and says he isn’t happy about it but Austin isn’t here tonight. Before he can elaborate further, here’s Vince McMahon to interrupt. Vince talks about Austin walking out and you can tell the fans are rather taken aback by the news. As for Flair, he’s driven Raw into the toilet and sucks as an owner. Flair: “I’m sorry.”
Ric wants to know what Flair plans to do about it so we hear about Vince’s career resume. Vince gets to the point (how nice of him): tonight, one match between the two of them, no holds barred, winner take all. Flair takes off the jacket and calls Vince a Nature Boy wannabe. The match is on and Flair has just completed one of the most rushed face turns in recorded history.
Earlier today Shawn Michaels wouldn’t let the rest of the NWO into the locker room so they read the paper instead. Big Show has some stomach issues due to eating Mexican food. Booker winds up singing Shawn’s theme song and wants to “collabroatize” with Shawn over the lyrics. That goes nowhere so Booker sings his own version of Shawn’s song.
Spike Dudley/Shawn Stasiak/Tommy Dreamer vs. NWO
Booker/X-Pac/Show here and Christopher Nowitzki is sitting in the front row. X-Pac powerbombs Spike to start and fires off the kicks in the corner. Stasiak and Show come in for the expected dominance but we cut to Nash and Shawn watching in the back. It’s off to Dreamer with his bucket and it’s full of confetti. Booker takes the DDT and everything breaks down. The ax kick finishes Dreamer in a hurry.
Post match we get a big Spinarooni. That face turns needs to happen….oh I don’t know, NOW perhaps?
After a break, Booker runs into Goldust (now in an afro as the Undercover Brother), who wants Booker to drop the team because, I kid you now, Shawn might be a racist.
Molly Holly doesn’t like Terri because she’s not a credible journalist due to some of her swimsuit photos and the Raw Sex column. Cue Trish Stratus, who says people don’t like Molly because she’s, shall we say, hippy. “You could show like a whole drive-in movie on that thing.” Sweet goodness this is disturbing anymore. A match is agreed to and if Molly wins, she gets a title shot. If Trish wins, Molly has to wrestle in a thong. Naturally Trish reveals her own to make sure the fans ignore how evil she was here.
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero try to talk Flair out of this and get nowhere.
European Title: William Regal vs. Bradshaw
Bradshaw is challenging and his Hardcore Title isn’t on the line. Regal trips him to the mat to start but gets headlocked for his efforts. A good left hand puts Bradshaw down and it’s time to slug away in the corner. The Regal Cutter gets two (for Regal if that’s not clear) but Bradshaw sends him flying with the fall away slam. With the champ in trouble, Nowitzki jumps the barricade and throws Regal the brass knuckles for the knockout shot to retain.
Rating: D. Well that happened. They need to just retire the title already because there hasn’t been a real feud over the thing in months and I don’t remember the last time a title match broke five minutes. Nowitzki joining Regal could be interesting but let them do anything other than be around such a worthless title.
GET THE F OUT!
Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus
Non-title. Lawler makes jokes about Molly’s figure and it’s already uncomfortable. Trish’s face is sent into the mat and there’s the handspring elbow in the corner for two. Stratusfaction is broken up with a belly to back suplex and the Molly Go Round finishes Trish clean. So to recap: the champ just lost clean (second time a champion has lost in a row) and apparently Molly is rather large in various areas. You know, because Trish is such a stick figure.
Arn Anderson (thankfully in a clean shirt) tries to talk Vince out of this.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam
Non-title of course. They trade armdrags to start until Eddie grabs a leglock on the mat. Back up and Eddie sends Van Dam into the corner as an ECW chant starts up. Van Dam goes sailing over the top rope for a big crash but he’s right back up to kick Eddie down. They’re certainly keeping things moving so far.
Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker of all things (JR gets it wrong by calling it a Fujiwara armbar) to keep Van Dam in trouble. A superplex plants Van Dam again but Eddie can’t follow up. Instead it’s Van Dam missing the split legged moonsault to keep both guys down again. They start trading rollups and Van Dam actually gets the pin, though it looked like Eddie was supposed to kick out. It didn’t look horribly botched but it didn’t seem to be the planned finish.
Rating: B-. These two work very well together and I’m glad the champ won but they need to stop going back to this match over and over. Booker would be a good challenger for Van Dam and Eddie can go do something else, though I’m not entirely sure what at this point given the lack of top stories.
The replay shows that Eddie’s shoulder was up at two but Van Dam went to a jackknife cover while the referee called for the bell. Definitely not how it was supposed to go.
Undertaker arrives.
Nash won’t let Coach talk to Shawn.
Here’s Undertaker for a talk. He’s tired of people just not getting the fact that he’s the Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World. All he knows is that he deserves respect, which brings him to HHH. If HHH was so smart, why didn’t he know Undertaker was waiting for him last week? The only hope that HHH has at King of the Ring is the hope that Undertaker doesn’t kick his face in.
Moving on, Jeff Hardy dropkicked him into human vomit. JR: “Not any kind of vomit. HUMAN VOMIT!” Cue Matt Hardy with a ladder for a distraction so Jeff can get in a few shots. The beatdown is on but the brothers manage to drop him with the ladder before bailing. So they go from a big time tag team to getting squashed by Brock Lesnar to feuding with the World Champion in a side story while we wait on Undertaker vs. HHH?
Regal and Nowitzki leave together because they’re both smart but Jeff runs in to say something remains unfulfilled before jumping into a jeep and driving off.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
Brock doesn’t waste time by sending Bubba hard into the corner. That earns Brock a neckbreaker and it’s already table time, only to have Heyman deck Bubba from behind. Heyman: “OH CENSORED!” The distraction lets Brock grab a belly to belly on the floor, followed by a modified t-bone suplex back inside. The suplex spamming continues as JR calls this breathtaking. Bubba gets in a release German suplex of his own and a regular German suplex gets two. The middle rope backsplash actually connects but Heyman’s second distraction sets up the F5 for the pin.
Rating: D+. Watchable power match here with Lesnar looking a little better than usual. Granted that might be due to not having Van Dam and Guerrero around him to really show off how much better they are. Bubba is a good first feud for Lesnar but they really need to have good hands in there to walk Brock through these matches.
After a break, Heyman offers Brock to Vince. Once Vince gets total control, he should call Heyman, who has a great idea for King of the Ring.
We see Rock say he’ll be back soon.
Here’s Shawn Michaels for his first comments since returning. Shawn talks about how in the WWF, they had everything from garbage men to clowns but the only real thing was….him. Then Wrestlemania XIV came along and it was time to go with Attitude and Steve Austin, who stole his spotlight. He’s not blaming Steve though (or a back injury, the ratings or reality apparently) because the fans determine where this company goes as an organization.
So why is he here? Certainly not to wrestle, because the fans killed HBK. However, the only man who stood by him no matter what was Kevin Nash. Cue the NWO with Shawn singing Nash’s praises before giving the rest of the team some love as well. We get a group hug but Shawn superkicks Booker off the team, which now has as many active wrestlers as injured ones. The beatdown is on and Booker’s shirt is ripped off.
Vince McMahon vs. Ric Flair
No holds barred and the winner owns the whole company. No robe for Flair for some reason. They slug it out on the floor to start and go into the crowd with Ric in control. Some chops send Vince inside for the first time so he can slam Flair and grab the ring bell. The bell off the head busts Flair open and Vince kicks him in the cut. More shots to the head set up a low blow, only to have Ric kick the chair into Vince’s face. A few kicks to the leg set up the Figure Four but here’s Brock for the F5 to lay Flair out, giving Vince the easy pin and the company back.
Rating: D-. What else were you expecting here? They told you what you were getting before the back and it’s not like you’re going to get a face boss around here for more than about five minutes anyway. The match was the mess this was always destined to be as Vince can only do so much and Flair is limited with how hard he can go on him before it gets ridiculous.
Overall Rating: D. This was all over the place, though you have to give them a little bit of a break due to all the changes necessitated by Austin leaving. Vince getting power back is fine, assuming you ignore the fact that the brands should be reunited now as there’s no reason for them splitting. Complete lack of logic behind the top story aside, at least we had Booker T. thrown out of the NWO (which he never should have been involved with in the first place) and a good Van Dam vs. Guerrero match. There’s still more bad than good but a few things are starting to look up.
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2003: When One GM Isn’t Enough
Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
This is the first of two redos that I’ll be doing for the year. It’s an interesting time for WWE and Raw in particular as there are two General Managers for the same show. While that sounds like a dream come true for WWE, it needs to be changed tonight. Therefore we have Steve Austin’s team vs. Eric Bischoff’s team, winner take all. That’s not the main event of course because we’ve got HHH! Let’s get to it.
The opening video asks if you have what it takes to survive. I know I usually make fun of this but it’s something that fits the simple idea of the show. Why mess with something that works this well? It also gives the Smackdown Survivor Series match some focus and doesn’t put the whole thing on the less interesting matches.
Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar
Kurt Angle, John Cena, Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Bradshaw
Brock Lesnar, A-Train, Matt Morgan, Big Show, Nathan Jones
Holly is here due to Lesnar breaking his neck over a year ago. Lesnar’s partners are just hired guns. Show is US Champion, which he almost never defended. Brock is WWE Champion (Smackdown) so everyone wants to fight him for obvious reasons. Morgan is an unknown and Jones never was any good.
Cena rhymes a bit before the match, saying he’s the fetus and everyone else is afterbirth. Can we stick with Dallas is the place to be and John Cena is the man to beat please? He doesn’t need a stable, but he might want to trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Brock might have something to say about that but as for Big Show, Cena is like a big whistle. I’ll let you figure out the punchline. So he wants Sable and Big Show? That’s….uh interesting.
Before we get to the match, I wish they would get rid of the sound effect they use for the name graphics. It sounds like metal creaking and is already annoying. Holly goes after Lesnar before the bell and sends him into the steps. A referee gets shoved down and Holly is disqualified before the match even starts. In the ring, A-Train misses a charge in the corner and eats Bradshaw’s Clothesline for another elimination but Big Show chokeslams Bradshaw for the third elimination in less than a minute.
Cena can’t FU Big Show and it’s off to Lesnar for what would be a very different (and better) match later. John pounds Brock down in the corner and gets two off a rollup until Brock sends Cena flying. It’s off to Morgan as the announcers are talking about the Cruiserweight Title for no apparent reason. Morgan’s sidewalk slam has Cena in more trouble and it’s off to Jones, who is finally allowed to appear on live pay per view. Cena finally scores with the Throwback (I miss that move) on Lesnar and it’s off to Benoit.
Lesnar gets pounded into the corner as Benoit always looked awesome against Brock. A big clothesline puts Benoit down and it’s off to Big Show for a gorilla press, who talks trash to Angle while holding Benoit in the air. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface (I’ve always loved that counter) but Brock is right there to break it up. We hit the abdominal stretch with Show’s back to the camera (that’s probably a fine today) and you can’t actually see most of Benoit. I never get used to how big Show really is.
The standing legdrop gets two for Show and the big brawl breaks out on the floor. Morgan comes in and gets dropkicked in the leg and face, finally allowing for the hot tag to Angle. We’re already at the rolling Germans so it’s off to Lesnar who gets suplexed as well. Everything breaks down and the Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie it up. Show gets dumped to the floor and the ankle lock gets rid of Jones, only to have an F5 do the same to Angle. So after three more eliminations in less than a minute, we have Lesnar/Big Show vs. Cena/Benoit.
Lesnar misses a charge at Benoit and hits the post so Benoit goes right after the arm. The F5 is quickly countered into the Crossface and Cena is smart enough to knock Show off the apron but Brock gets his feet into the ropes. Another Crossface actually makes Lesnar tap clean, leaving Big Show alone 2-1. The YOU TAPPED OUT chants begin and Benoit takes Show down with a top rope shoulder. The Crossface is knocked away but Cena nails Show with the chain, setting up the FU for the pin and the victory, planting seeds for Wrestlemania in the process.
Rating: C-. I always liked the idea of this match on paper but it really didn’t work in execution as it needed another ten minutes or so. There were two stretches here that added up to six eliminations in about two minutes. They went through this way too fast which is probably due to time, but a World Champion’s match shouldn’t be cut for time. Just too fast here.
Benoit and Cena shake hands after having issues for weeks.
Vince comes in to see Shane and points out that it’s father and son vs. brothers tonight in separate matches. The only thing Shane feels is sorry for Vince, who faces Undertaker later. Vince leaves and runs into Austin. They start chuckling and then laughing but Austin gets serious really fast and walks away. Nothing was said and JR and King are confused as well.
Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Lita
Lita is freshly back from her year and a half off with the broken neck and this is her first title shot. I’ll give you two guesses as to who the fans are behind. Lita starts fast and suplexes Molly down, followed by a nice nipup. That’s not serious enough for Molly so she sends Lita crashing out to the floor. We hit a dragon sleeper on the challenger as Lawler can’t seem to bring himself to talk about Molly’s looks. To be fair, it really doesn’t feel right to try.
Back up and Lita hammers in some right hands but the comeback is short lived as a sidewalk slam gets two. Molly actually tries to talk some trash in the corner and gets powerbombed off the middle rope instead. The Litasault misses though and the Molly Go Round (top rope flipping seated senton) gets two. Frustrated, Molly loosens the middle turnbuckle and drop toeholds Lita into the steel to retain. No I didn’t skip anything. The referee either didn’t notice or didn’t car and it really is as sudden as it sounds.
Rating: D. Lita just wasn’t back yet and the match didn’t work as a result. Molly is really talented but the lack of charisma hurt her. At the end of the day, she’s the most innocent and kind woman the company had in years and for some reason they made her a heel. It never fit and this was a good example of why it didn’t.
We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane was doing his annual monster thing and tombstoned Linda due to reasons of evil. That’s Kane’s evil, not Linda’s evil. Shane came back for his annual (popular theme here) wrestling run by trying to stop the monster. This leads us to an ambulance match here.
Kane vs. Shane McMahon
Ambulance match which means casket but with an ambulance instead. Shane goes after him to start but has to use a chair to knocks the steps into Kane’s face. They’re already loading up the announcers’ table and thank goodness for that. Would you want to imagine these two trying to do a regular match? Shane hits him in the head with a monitor and drops the sweet top rope elbow through the table. Kane sits up so let’s go into the crowd for a change.
They get to the back with Shane sneaking up on Kane with a kendo stick. Not a wrench or a pipe or something made of metal, but rather a wooden stick. He was an athlete, not a scholar. Shane puts him in a security booth and backs an SUV into Kane before calling in an ambulance on a walkie-talkie (where did that come from?). Also, would that count even if it’s not the designated ambulance? Wrestlemania XIV would seem to hold precedence here.
Kane comes back by throwing Shane into a wall and there goes the camera, drawing a lot of booing from the crowd. They’re right too as they paid for a live show and are watching most of this on a monitor but then they don’t even get to see all of it? I’ve never been a fan of going backstage for just that reason.
Back to the arena with Kane throwing him against the other ambulance. JR: “Like Shane was a cruiserweight.” Shane probably would be a cruiserweight actually, or at least really close. An ambulance door to the face slows Kane down (When all else fails, hit them with a door. It got Christian the Hardcore Title at Wrestlemania XVIII.) but he just blasts Shane in the face. He can only get one door shut with Shane inside though, allowing McMahon to come back with a DDT on the concrete.
Again, since Shane isn’t the brightest guy on the planet, he comes back with a trashcan. Not a heavy, thick object but rather a thin trashcan. He makes up for it a bit with a Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to drive the can into Kane’s face, landing on a box (which appeared to have a crashpad inside) in the process. Kane still gets an arm out of the ambulance door (that’s fine in this case as it took a long time for Shane to get him inside) and just throws Shane against the ambulance wall. A Tombstone on the concrete (no wonder Kane’s knees are shot) is enough to put Shane away.
Rating: D+. Well that happened. Some of the spots were good but Shane going for the cool looking stuff instead of the logical stuff like HIT HIM WITH A WRENCH really brought it down. It also doesn’t help that this got more time than the first match, because you want to push the boss’ son in a feud he has no business winning that went on for months. This really could have gone to someone else to give them a rub but Shane gets it instead. That’s not good and it got on a lot of wrestlers’ nerves back in the day.
The ambulance leaves with Shane inside.
Brock tells Josh Matthews (who looks like even more of a tool than he does now) that he didn’t tap out or lose because he’s not afraid of anyone. Goldberg comes up to shake his hands, planting the seeds for their, ahem, match at Wrestlemania.
Here’s the Coach in a neck brace to waste some time. Coach assures us that he’ll be back to health soon enough and not to worry about him. As he’s about to leave, Coach spots Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. We get a quick interview where Cuban says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Bischoff. Being a Bischoff guy, Coach disagrees and asks Cuban about WWE referees vs. NBA referees (Cuban has a LONG history with NBA referees) so Mark says all referees suck.
This brings out Bischoff (JR: “What happened to Survivor Series?”) to say he’s in charge tonight. Cuban is in the ring with him now and Eric threatens to have him thrown out, but maybe Bischoff should just do it himself. Eric gets shoved down so here’s Randy Orton to lay Cuban out with an RKO. They would actually revisit this SIX YEARS LATER when Cuban guest hosted Raw and screwed Orton out of a match. Again: the opening match with the World Champion gets thirteen match, Shane vs. Kane gets a little more and this gets about six.
Evolution is having a party with some good looking women. They make a toast to HHH getting the title back (from Goldberg) when Orton comes in. Orton: “Guys listen…..whoa.” They’re proud of him for laying out Cuban (why?) and he promises to take out Austin as well. Evolution will drink to that.
Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros
The Bashams, with He-Man chest pieces, are defending and have Shaniqua with them. My goodness what happened to the Bashams? They spent FOREVER in developmental and were just another tag team on the main roster. It’s a brawl to start with Danny (partner of Doug) being sent to the floor but both of them have to save Shaniqua. I’m not sure why as she was one of the most worthless managers and performers of all time.
Eddie starts with Three Amigos to Danny before it’s off to Chavo for two off a basement dropkick. Back to Eddie who is sent to the floor and beaten up by Shaniqua. Danny puts on a reverse chinlock as this is just a Raw match. Yeah they’re all on Smackdown but Smackdown was a lot better than this. Chavo comes back in with dropkicks and a bad looking tilt-a-whirl slam for two on Doug.
Eddie saves his nephew from a middle rope spinebuster and Chavo adds a running hilo for two. Chavo and Doug clothesline each other and Shaniqua lets us have some Twin Magic. Even in 2003 I can’t get away from the Bellas. Shaniqua takes a frog splash but Chavo accidentally kicks Eddie on a tornado DDT, letting Danny roll Chavo up and grab the tights to retain.
Rating: D+. Just a TV match here which isn’t enough when you’re on one of the biggest pay per views of the year. The problem here is this was meant to set up stuff in the future (Chavo vs. Eddie) instead of being about the titles. That’s fine (see Royal Rumble 1994) down the road but it doesn’t make for a good match here. The Bashams had no personality and it’s a big reason why they weren’t going to make it like this. It’s a major problem of this era and the modern era still: finding something that works in developmental and scrapping it when they get to the main roster, making most of the developmental time a waste.
Lawler and JR preview the elimination tag and tell us that Shane is getting ready for a CAT scan.
We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff, which is all about controlling Raw. Austin isn’t allowed to touch anyone unless physically provoked which drove him crazy. He also doesn’t trust anyone but he’s been forced to trust five men tonight though because this is it. Bischoff had fired him as a wrestler but Austin was brought back as co-GM which caused a bunch of friction, setting up this match. If Austin wins tonight, he has full power and can fight whenever he wants.
Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff
Austin: Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T., Dudley Boyz
Bischoff: Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry
Steiner has Stacy Keibler against her will as part of a very uncomfortable story. The Dudleyz are the Raw Tag Team Champions and Van Dam is Intercontinental Champion. Christian and D-Von get things going, which seems appropriate for old times’ sake. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Van Dam who gets tow off a quick kick. Jericho comes in and gets shouldered and suplexed for two.
Steiner gets the tag and eats a boot to the face, only to throw Van Dam with a suplex to take over. A little crotching on the top makes it even worse as we’re firmly in the early stages still, meaning that this didn’t fall to the curse of “what else can we give the time to?”. Booker comes in but gets run over as well with the bicep elbow drop getting two. JR just has to bring up the three mini kings from 1994 because that story NEVER gets old.
Booker nails a quick scissors kick and a Spinarooni as everything breaks down. A low blow stops Booker and Steiner puts on the absolute worst camel clutch I’ve ever seen. Stacy gets on the apron to play cheerleader for Booker so Steiner breaks the hold. The reverse 3D plants Scott and the Book End is good for the first elimination. Never mind the lead though as the World’s Strongest Slam (I didn’t realize he had been using it that long) from Henry ties it up thirty seconds later.
Bubba comes in with some hard shots to the jaw but Henry runs him over Vader style. D-Von tries to help his brother, only to be slammed face first into him by Henry’s insane power. Speaking of power, the Dudleyz come back with 3D followed by a Five Star (the ECW Special?) to get rid of Mark. Jericho is in next but Van Dam head fakes him to set up a split legged moonsault for two.
It’s off to Orton for the first time and he blasts Van Dam with a big clothesline. I can never get over seeing Orton looking human or having hair. That’s one of the most jarring physical transformations I’ve ever seen in wrestling and it always strikes me. Like a viper. Van Dam kicks him in the face but Jericho shoves Rob off the top, setting up the RKO to tie it up again.
The fans want tables but have to settle for D-Von getting two off a headbutt. Jericho comes back in for two off a dropkick, followed by a quick Flashback (sleeper drop) to get rid of D-Von. It’s Shawn/Bubba vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Shawn gets his first tag to fire the crowd up again. Jericho is quickly sent running over for a tag to Orton who has a lot more luck with some forearms to the chest.
Back to Bubba who cleans house on all three until Jericho breaks up a Bubba Bomb with a low blow, setting up an Unprettier to leave Shawn down 3-1. Christian is up first and Shawn hammers away with right hands, only to be low bridged out to the floor by the other Canadian. The slow beatdown begins and Jericho cuts off the comeback again, allowing Christian to catapult him into the post. JR gets in his “local basketball team here” dribbling a ball line. Shawn is busted and you know the shaky legs are coming soon.
Christian does the signature Shawn pose and punches away, only to charge right into Sweet Chin Music to make it 2-1. That’s where Shawn is at his best: looking dead on his feet with his back against the wall and throwing superkicks because it’s all he’s got left. Oh and bleeding normally helps. Jericho comes in for some right hands before it’s back to Orton who grabs a belly to back suplex.
The heels start making some faster tags but Jericho dives into a kick to the ribs and a DDT. Lawler: “I want to believe. I’m trying to believe.” Shawn sends Orton to the floor and blocks the Lionsault with knees. Jericho is up first though and tries the Walls, only to get small packaged to tie it up. Lawler: “I BELIEVE!” Before he leaves though, Jericho blasts Shawn in the head with a chair. Shouldn’t that be a DQ on Orton as it’s interference when it’s down to one on one?
Orton comes back in with a high cross body but Shawn collapses to send Orton crashing into the referee. You can actually feel the drama here, even with JR being borderline obnoxious with the cheering for Austin. The VERY bloody Shawn tunes up the band but Bischoff kicks him down. That’s enough for Steve and the beating is on, including a Stunner to Orton. Austin and Batista head to the back and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin. And yes, you’re supposed to believe that the referee saw or heard NONE of this.
Rating: B+. This took its time to get going but once they handed it over to Shawn, it was all gravy. There’s no one better at making the impossible comeback than Shawn Michaels and this was one of the better ones he’s ever done. There was really no way you could have Austin’s guys win here but they did a GREAT job of making you think that his team could pull it off. That’s really impressive stuff and the match was great drama with the action backing it up.
Shawn gets up in the big serious moment and says he let Austin down. Steve doesn’t accept that and hugs him anyway as JR is being all serious, which actually works here. Austin isn’t done though and comes back to the ring after walking Shawn to the back. He talks about his career starting in Dallas in 1989 and if it has to end, he’s glad it ended here. Cue Coach with the cops, singing Goodbye. I think you get the drill here: he has nothing to lose so the beating is on. Naturally beer is consumed, just like it would be again when he was back in December.
We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker had been feuding with Vince’s handpicked champion Brock Lesnar so Undertaker was never going to be allowed to be near the title again. One night, Undertaker won a match granting him any match he wanted at Survivor Series. He picked Buried Alive, which Vince gladly agreed to because Brock would destroy him again. Undertaker meant Vince of course and the match was made. Undertaker is promising to bury Vince once and for all tonight. I’m sure.
Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon
Buried Alive if that’s not clear. Tazz even has keys to victory. #3: AVOID THE HOLE! That’s good advice in so many areas of life. I miss Undertaker’s You’re Gonna Pay song. Vince has recently been saying a higher power will protect him in this match. So he’s protecting himself? Undertaker starts punching early on and SWEET GOODNESS Vince is gushing. The beating continues with Vince getting crotched against the post. Totally one sided as you would expect so far.
Undertaker chokes with a camera cord as payback for Vince threatening to have Undertaker’s wife raped and his home blown up. Yep that happened. One heck of a monitor shot knocks Vince over the table and an even bigger shot with a shovel has Vince in a heap on the floor. Undertaker crushes the ankle with the steps as there are LARGE red puddles underneath Vince’s head. That’s one of the deepest blade jobs I’ve ever seen.
Undertaker finally carries him to the grave but a low blow FINALLY gives Vince a breather and his first offense. A shovel to the chest puts Undertaker in the grave but he comes right back and throws Vince in instead. He goes to get in the bulldozer but the cab explodes. Cue Kane to knock Undertaker into the grave. Vince is sent to the bulldozer and Undertaker is buried.
Rating: C+. The match sucked but some of those shots to the head and that SICK blade job more than carries it up. This was a violent mess and that’s exactly what it needed to be, especially with the ending designed to get us back to the Dead Man. That being said, WHY DID UNDERTAKER KEEP AGREEING TO THESE MATCHES??? HE NEVER WON IT ONCE! Bad match, GREAT violence and blood.
We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. After losing to him over and over, HHH issued a $100,000 bounty because he thought he was Harley Race in modern times (look up Starrcade 1983). Batista returned from injury and claimed the bounty by breaking Goldberg’s ankle. Tonight is HHH’s rematch and Goldberg can barely walk coming in. This gets the music video treatment even though there’s really not enough of a story to warrant it.
Raw World Title Goldberg vs. HHH
Goldberg is defending (doesn’t that mean Batista didn’t take him out?) and HHH is looking WAY less developed than usual. He had a groin injury around this time but did it really mess him up that badly? Like, it’s WEIRD to see him looking like this. They slug it out before the bell and the spear connects but Goldberg has to beat up Flair. Ric is clotheslined to the floor and the bell actually rings. Even Lawler thinks waiting that long is pretty stupid.
After a quick trip to the floor it’s back inside with Goldberg scoring off a powerslam. The leg goes out though and HHH starts in on it, including throwing him outside for some cheap shots from Goldberg. Back in and HHH drops an elbow onto the leg, followed by a lot of stomping to put the champion on the floor. Say it with me: and Flair gets in some shots too.
There’s a half crab with Goldberg grabbing the ring skirt but for some reason that’s not enough to break the hold, giving us JR’s sarcastic voice. Goldberg pulls him face first into the post and puts both guys down with a clothesline. It’s HHH up first but the Figure Four is broken up, meaning we get a ref bump. Oh good as I was worried we might not have one.
Flair throws in some brass knuckles to knock Goldberg silly for two. HHH knocks the referee down again and it’s sledgehammer time. Goldberg takes it away and hits Flair in the ribs, knocks out the invading Orton and Batista and breaks up a Pedigree attempt. The spear and Jackhammer connect to retain the title.
Rating: D. HHH sucked in 2003. I can barely remember a single good match he had in the year (and yes I know there are a few here and there) but the big ones were bad on top of bad on top of bad. It’s the same formula no matter what and feels like it’s never going to end. All that aside, what was up with his physique here? Go check this out. It’s like someone went back to 1995 and inflated him. Bad match here, as you would expect.
Overall Rating: D. This show feels like they put the card together but never bothered to put the show in order. It would have been much better, and made WAY more sense, to have the Austin vs. Bischoff match go on last as it’s implied to be Austin’s final appearance, which is a lot more important than your run of the mill title defense. The rest of the show is pretty much just there, ranging from bad to dull. Swapping the card wouldn’t have fixed it entirely but it would have made for a much more entertaining night instead of wanting to know what else we had to sit through.
Survivor Series Count-Up – 2001: When Buying the Competition Isn’t Enough
Survivor Series 2001 Date: November 18, 2001
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 10,142
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman
While there’s a full card to go with the Survivor Series match, none of it matters compared to the main event. Some of the WCW and WWF Titles will be unified as well, which was a major problem at the time. There were so many belts floating around at the time that it didn’t matter when one would change hands. Thankfully a lot of those problems will be wrapped up tonight. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is a cool concept as it shows all of the old logos for the WWF over the years and a bunch of great moments in company history, set to a song called The End Is Here.
European Title: Christian vs. Al Snow
Christian is in the Alliance and defending. He greets his fans in South Carolina (that’s what he said) and calls himself awesome. Snow comes out to the Tough Enough (reality competition series where Snow was head trainer) theme which was quite a catchy tune. Snow takes him down to the mat to frustrates the champ. Christian comes back with a foot on Snow’s face in the corner followed by a Russian legsweep for two. We hit the chinlock as the match slows down.
Al fights up and hits his headbutts but Christian hits a tiger driver backbreaker for two. Snow gets rammed into the buckle and things slow down again. The trapping headbutts stop Christian again and Snow escapes the reverse DDT into a neckbreaker for two. Heyman schills for the Alliance guys in an always funny bit.
A sitout powerbomb gets two for Snow and now Christian’s reverse DDT scores for no cover. Instead Christian talks a lot of trash and gets rolled up for two. A top rope cross body is rolled through by Snow and the Snow Plow gets two. There’s the Unprettier out of nowhere to keep the title in the Alliance. That was quick.
Rating: C-. This is one of those shows where anything but the main event means nothing, which makes the first hour and a half of the show pretty uninteresting to sit through. That’s exactly the case here. This match was fine but it could have been on Smackdown on any given week. Snow and Christian are both good hands so a good match is really nothing too shocking.
Austin arrives and yells at the Alliance because he doesn’t like being accused of being a traitor to his team. This would be a lot better if Stephanie had more acting ability than say, a carrot. Austin yells at everyone on the team and says stop being paranoid.
Vince and Linda arrive with Vince brimming with confidence. Cole comes up and says this might be their last night in business but Vince doesn’t want to hear talk like that. Vince talks about taking calculated risks and being confident because someone is jumping to the WWF. Regal comes up and says he doesn’t buy the idea that Austin is jumping back to the WWF.
William Regal vs. Tajiri
These two are former friends. Regal hurt Tajiri’s (Japanese wrestler with a lot of fast kicks) girlfriend Torrie (not the same person with the same name but different spelling from years ago) on Smackdown to set this up. Tajiri is Cruiserweight Champion and was supposed to face X-Pac in a title for title match, but according to Commissioner Mick Foley, “No one cared about X-Pac or the Light Heavyweight Title anyway”. Tajiri fires off a kick but gets suplexed right back down.
The knee trembler takes Tajiri down but Tajiri goes after Regal’s knee with the kicks. There’s the Tarantula and Regal is bleeding from the nose. A handspring elbow gets two for Tajiri but Regal ties his head up in the ropes to stop the momentum dead. Regal tries a powerbomb but gets countered by another kick to the head. The Buzzsaw Kick misses and there’s the Tiger Bomb from Regal for the pin. Too short to rate but it was fine.
Regal powerbombs him again post match. Torrie (looking GREAT in a purple top and leather pants) comes out to check on Tajiri, only to get powerbombed as well.
We recap Edge vs. Test. These two are both midcard champions after the seemingly dozens of never ending midcard title changes going on at this point. Edge is US Champion, Test is Intercontinental Champion, tonight only one belt survives.
Test complains about the makeup lady not rubbing in the oil well enough on him. Stacy (his future girlfriend) comes up and agrees with Test. Test hits on her and she’ll think about it if he wins.
Edge compares himself to Test and says that there are a lot of similarities between them. The difference is that Edge hasn’t been dumped by every chick on the planet. Edge makes fun of Test for sounding wooden and that’s about it.
Intercontinental Title/US Title: Edge vs. Test
They fight over control to start with Edge taking over via a series of forearms to the head. Test powers him down and goes after the ribs with a wide ranging selection of stomps. We head to the floor with Edge being dropped across the barricade to further the attack on the ribs. Back in and Edge hits a dropkick to take over before we head outside again. They’re quickly back inside and a swinging neckbreaker gets two for Edge.
Test drops Edge onto the top rope ribs first to reinjure him and the taller of the blond Canadian champions takes over again. Test puts on a chinlock as the match slows down again. Edge fights up and avoids a corner charge before hitting a middle rope missile dropkick for two. A middle rope cross body misses though and Test puts him on the top rope.
Edge blocks a superplex with some CANADIAN right hands to the ribs but a sunset bomb doesn’t work. Test dives off the top but jumps right into a dropkick to put him down. The problem with this match is neither guy has been able to build up any kind of a run with the title as both have changed hands four times since the Invasion began about four months ago. How can you get behind either guy as a big time champion in that little bit of time? On top of that, Edge has been champion for six days and Test for thirteen. That’s not exactly Honky Tonk Man unifying with Luger in the late 80s.
Both guys are down now but it’s Edge up first with some clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Test’s pumphandle slam is countered into the Edge-O-Matic for two. Test spears Edge down for two but the big boot misses. There’s the pumphandle for two but Test’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana. Edge’s spear gets a close two but he can’t hit the Edgecution. Test tries a full nelson slam but Edge rolls through for the pin and both titles.
Rating: C+. This started pretty slow but it got going once Edge was able to start countering Test’s power stuff. In other words, Edge did the work to make Test’s generic big man offense look decent. This was probably the match of the night so far, which isn’t surprising given how hot Edge got in the next year.
Angle comes up to see a stressed out Stephanie. My goodness her acting is bad. I know I say that a lot, but IT’S FREAKING TERRIBLE. She says if the Alliance loses tonight, she’ll have to buy her own groceries and wash her own car. She can’t be a…..a…..a REGULAR PERSON!!! Angle reminds her that she’s special and doesn’t think Austin will jump.
A cage is lowered.
Jeff Hardy and Lita are talking about Matt Hardy being different lately. Matt comes up and yells at them for acting strange and not being focused enough. It turns into a rallying speech and things seem ok. The guys leave and Trish comes out of the same locker room Matt came out of earlier. Keep in mind that Matt is dating Lita at this point.
WCW Tag Team Titles/WWF Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys
In a cage. The Dudleys are WCW Tag Team Champions and the Hardys are the WWF Tag Team Champions and Stacy is STUNNING at this point as the Dudleys’ manager. All four belts get laid out between the guys in the ring and it’s time to go. You can win by pin/submission/both members escaping. There are tags required here and it’s Matt vs. Bubba to start. Matt can’t get anywhere so it’s off to Jeff who walks into a Boss Man Slam for two.
D-Von comes in as Heyman talks about Big Daddy Dudley, which JR could not care less about. Back to Matt who rolls D-Von up for two but walks into a reverse inverted DDT for two. Bubba comes in again and drops a bunch of elbows for two. The Dudleys tag in and out a lot and it’s back to Bubba for more punching to Matt’s ribs. Bubba tries to ram Matt into the cage but gets countered into a reverse DDT.
Off to Jeff who cleans house as everything breaks down. Poetry in Motion hits Bubba and Matt climbs but D-Von makes the save. There’s a Bubba Bomb to Jeff which should likely hurt Bubba as well. Bubba goes up again but Matt slams him down for two. Matt gets rammed into the cage but when the Dudleys try to do the same to Jeff, he grabs the cage and tries to climb out, only to get caught in a Doomsday Device (Paul: “WHAT A RUSH!”).
Matt gets crushed against the cage and Bubba whips D-Von into him for good measure. Bubba splashes him as well and the Dudleys are in full control. Jeff gets in a shot and Matt hits a top rope double clothesline to shift the momentum just as fast though. A DDT puts Bubba down for two and Jeff hits the legdrop between D-Von’s legs. A double backdrop takes Ray down again and the Hardys go up.
Matt hits a legdrop and Jeff hits a splash off the top at the same time for two on Bubba. Matt makes a climb but gets pulled down with one leg still stuck in the cage. What’s Up to Jeff and Bubba asks Stacy for a table. Stacy hits on Nick Patrick and picks the key out of his pocket. There’s a table in the ring now but Matt breaks up the 3D by jumping Bubba. Why D-Von didn’t flapjack Jeff through the table is anyone’s guess.
Bubba and Matt go tot he top and pound away at each other until Bubba is knocked down. Matt climbs down to escape but he’s left alone against the Dudleys. D-Von is rammed into the cage a few times and Jeff goes up as D-Von climbs onto the table for no apparent reason. Jeff looks down and sees D-Von there before diving off the top of the cage, but the Swanton misses. Bubba covers the table and therefore Jeff as well for the pin and the titles.
Rating: B-. This was the usual good brawl between these teams and it furthers the Hardys’ issues, but at the end of the day this feud was played out at this point. There was nothing left for these two teams to do and at this point it was being dragged out way too far. Still though, good match and a good way to I believe finally end this nearly two year long feud.
Jeff is taken out on a stretcher.
Mick Foley is at WWF New York and admits that his job (WWF Commissioner) means nothing.
Scotty 2 Hotty is about to be in the Immunity Battle Royal but Test beats him up to take his spot.
Immunity Battle Royal
Test, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, Faarooq, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Diamond Dallas Page, Albert, Tazz, Perry Saturn, Raven, Chuck Palumbo, Crash Holly, Justin Credible, Shawn Stasiak, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer, The Hurricane, Spike Dudley, Hugh Morrus, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Funaki
I won’t bother explaining who all of these people are as most of them won’t be around again after this show. Some are from the Alliance and some are from the WWF but no matter who wins the main event tonight, the winner of this is guaranteed a job for a year. Stasiak is thrown to the floor before the bell rings and is apparently out. Test drops to the floor to hide as Tazz comes in late. Since it’s a battle royal there’s really not much to talk about here. Everyone punches everyone and no one is put out for awhile. Heyman freaks out about Tazz because Tazz choked him out on Smackdown.
Hurricane dives at Faarooq and is clotheslined out by Bradshaw. Albert throws Saturn out and Test, who is back in now, dumps Faarooq. Page is put out by someone we can’t see and Storm superkicks Palumbo out. Morrus and Chavo run in as wildcards because they tried to jump from the Alliance to the WWF on Raw but got fired as a result. Billy dumps Chavo as Morrus is eliminated as well. Tazz dumps Dreamer and Crash as Storm low bridges Spike out. Bradshaw’s clothesline kills Richards and he’s gone.
Tazz stops to run his mouth to Heyman and gets dumped by Billy. Test and Kidman put Albert out. We’re down to Bradshaw, Kidman, Gunn, Test and Storm. I’ve missed a bunch of eliminations but most of them weren’t shown. The fall away slam puts Kidman out and we’re down to four. Bradshaw kicks Storm down and might have hurt his ankle. Things slow way down as Billy and Bradshaw hang on for dear life. Storm and Test team up to put Bradshaw out but Test dumps Storm as well. A big boot eliminates Gunn and Test wins immunity.
Rating: C-. Not bad here but at the end of the day, it’s a battle royal so what are you expecting to get? Test would fall through the floor in the next year with no one caring about him at all. This was a pretty big batch of jobbers in there though and that doesn’t really make for an interesting match. Then again, neither do most battle royals.
Sacrifice video by Creed. This was a promotional campaign at the time, with highlight videos set to My Sacrifice by Creed.
Booker is worried about Austin jumping. Shane says it’s ok and stick with it.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory vs. Lita vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz
Chyna relinquished the title earlier in the year without being pinned and then disappeared so this is the best we’ve got to pick from for the new champion. This is Jazz’s debut and the fans don’t seem to care. Why does no one care? Because Jazz meant nothing in ECW and was a face there but is a heel here. Mighty Molly is Molly Holly as a superhero. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz pounding away. Off to Jackie vs. Molly off some blind tags and somehow even fewer people care about Jackie.
Jackie dropkicks Molly down and it’s off to Ivory who gets caught in a sunset flip for two. This is one fall to a finish. Ivory slingshots Jackie into the ropes and it’s off to Trish for some forearms. Lita gets knocked to the floor and the three Alliance chicks (Ivory, Jazz, Molly) triple team Trish for a bit. Jackie double crosses Lita on Poetry in Motion and everyone hits their finishers on everyone else. The Litasault gets two on Ivory as Jazz saves. Lita gets backdropped to the floor and it’s Ivory vs. Trish left. Stratusfaction gives Trish her first title.
Rating: D. It was short, the match wasn’t any good, Trish looked great in the skin tight barely there pink shorts, Lita looked good as usual, and that’s all I’ve got here. As usual with situations like this, when the previous champion doesn’t lose the title, the new champion comes in at a big disadvantage.
Vince looks at Team WWF and gives them a pep talk, bringing up names like Dr. Jerry Graham, Peter Maivia, Gorilla Monsoon (pop) and Andre the Giant (BIG pop). He understands he might be looking at a group of losers, and if that happens no one will ever forgive them. After listening to that speech, I want to go fight three WWF guys and one guy each from ECW and WCW!
We recap the main event which has been summed up pretty well already. Vince was originally on the team but replaced by Big Show and Rock and Jericho are having major issues. Rock is WCW champion and Austin is WWF Champion. This really does feel like a huge match. The video is set to Control by Puddle of Mudd which fits really well.
Basically Vince said that he was tired of all of the Invasion (as were a lot of fans at this point) and offered one winner take all match with the losing organization going out of business. Angle joined the Alliance after the announcement but Vince says Austin is coming back to the WWF, giving the Alliance reason to be concerned. Austin stunned Angle on TV recently to further that idea.
Team WWF vs. Team Alliance
WWF: The Rock, Chris Jericho, Big Show, Undertaker, Kane
Alliance: Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Shane McMahon
Everyone gets individual entrances so it takes forever to get to the start of the match. As those are going on, a few things to notice here: Team Alliance has one of the biggest WWF superstars ever, a guy that at this point had only wrestled in the WWF, a WCW guy, an ECW guy, and the then heir to the WWF throne.
Also, as goes the stereotype for the WWF, most of their guys are big and strong instead of the more athletic styles of the Alliance team. One other thing: JR keeps up one of the annoying inaccuracies in wrestling by saying that Undertaker won the World Title in his WWF debut. It was a year later, which you should know if you’ve read this far.
Rock and Austin start fighting before the bell and you know the early advantage doesn’t mean a thing in this one. Austin hits the Thesz Press and the middle rope elbow for a very early two. Rock comes back with a middle finger elbow of his own and dares Shane to get in. Off to Booker who gets clotheslined down for two as Shane makes the save. Expect to hear that line quite a bit. Off to Jericho as Heyman blames Vince for the end of ECW.
Van Dam and Jericho have a nice fast paced sequence with Jericho hitting a spinwheel kick for no cover. Jericho chops away but misses a dropkick, allowing Rob to hit the cartwheel into a moonsault for two. For reasons likely related to high levels of drug use, Van Dam tries a standing hurricanrana on Jericho, only to be countered into the Walls. Shane makes the third save of the match already and it’s off to Angle vs. Kane.
Angle gets thrown around but eventually slips behind Kane and hits a German Suplex for two. Kane comes back with a side slam and the top rope clothesline for two of his own as Shane saves again. Off to the Dead Man who pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Booker to get the tag. Undertaker immediately drops Booker and hits a legdrop, but Shane breaks up his fifth near fall of the match.
There’s Old School to Booker followed by that lifting wristlock which always looks painful. Off to a short armed scissors followed by a clothesline for two, resulting in ANOTHER save from Shane. Austin comes in to pound on Undertaker (and causing Heyman to say WHAT after everything JR says) but he gets caught in Old School. Say it with me: Shane makes the save. Undertaker gets caught in the wrong corner and quintuple teamed.
Angle is in next and tries to slug it out with the Dead Man for some reason. Undertaker escapes a German and DDTs Angle down. There’s the tag to Big Show and JR almost immediately bashes him, saying Show can make a huge difference, or he can make some huge mistakes. Show throws around RVD and Angle before clearing off the entire Alliance corner. Angle gets underneath Show and there’s the Slam followed by an Ax kick from Booker (and a Spinarooni) and a Five Star and a top rope elbow from Shane for the first elimination.
Shane dances around in celebration before turning around to meet The Rock who beats the living tar out of Shane with right hands in the corner. Off to Kane for a chokeslam, then a tombstone from Undertaker and a Lionsault from Jericho to tie it up. That’s the best way to go as Show and Shane were the weak links on both teams. Angle vs. Jericho now with Jericho hitting the forearm to start. A double underhook backbreaker puts Angle down but Austin saves.
Angle uses an amateur takedown and brings in Booker to slam Chris a few times. RVD gets a tag but one of his shoulders in the corner is countered into a sunset flip for two. Off to Kane who catches a punch from RVD. Van Dam’s comeback? Kick the guy in the head. Kane pulls Booker in and kicks him in the face too but the numbers game allows Van Dam to take Kane down and hit the Five Star. Rob takes too long to cover though and gets caught in a chokeslam, but Booker kicks Kane. Everything breaks down and Rob kicks Kane from the top for the pin to make it 4-3.
Undertaer pounds on Van Dam in the corner while everyone else is fighting on the floor. Austin and Angle get in as well and Undertaker has to fight all four guys at once. He gets them all in a corner and keeps charging at all of them with clotheslines in a cool sequence. Snake Eyes and a big boot take Angle down and there’s a Last Ride for him as well. Booker comes in with a chair but Undertaker boots him down, leaving himself open to a Stunner from Austin and the pin by Angle. That leaves us with Austin/Angle/Booker/RVD vs. Rock/Jericho.
Booker stomps on Rock but Rocky comes back with right hands. A side kick takes Rock right back down but Rock does the same with a DDT for two. Booker charges into a Samoan Drop for two as Austin makes the save. Rock whips Booker into Angle and grabs a rollup to eliminate Mr. T, making it 3-2.
Rob is in next but as he goes up, Rock kind of powerbombs him off the top for two. Jericho gets the tag and hits a running neckbreaker for two before chopping away in the corner. Van Dam avoids the Lionsault and kicks Chris’ head off, followed by the split legged moonsault for no cover. Jericho pops up and hits a Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to tie it up at two each.
Austin slingshots Rock into the post on the floor while Angle and Jericho fight in the ring. Angle picks Jericho’s ankle and stomps away on him as Heyman thinks the Alliance can find a place for the Rock. Back to Austin to pound away on Chris and hit a superplex for two. Austin hits a kind of northern lights/belly to belly suplex for two and here’s Angle again. Jericho puts Kurt in the ankle lock but Kurt quickly escapes and hits a clothesline to take over.
It’s back to Austin for a suplex and an elbow to the face. Angle comes in and stomps away before it’s back to Austin who stomps away as well. We hit one of the few chinlocks in this match as Jericho is in trouble. Jericho fights up and it’s a double tag to bring in Rock vs. Angle with the Great One quickly hooking a Sharpshooter on Kurt for an even faster tap. Heyman LOSES IT in a great moment.
Off to Austin vs. Jericho with Chris trying the Walls but Austin rakes the eyes to escape. Austin can’t put Jericho in the Boston crab either but he gets the knees up to block the Lionsault. Steve loads up a superplex but gets shoved down, followed by a missile dropkick for Jericho for two. Austin counters a rollup out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to get us down to Rock vs. Austin.
Rock hits a bad spinebuster but Jericho hits a Breakdown on Rock to take him down in a double cross. It’s not joining the Alliance, but rather just personal hatred. That gets two for Austin andUndertaker comes out to stalk Jericho to the back. Austin pounds away before launching Rock over the top and out to the floor. They fight on the floor with Austin being laid on the table and slapped in the chest over and over.
Austin comes back but gets sent over the announce table and punched in the face by Rock. Back in Rock chops away but gets caught in the whip spinebuster from Austin. Austin puts on a bad Sharpshooter and there’s your Montreal reference. Rock finally makes the rope so Austin grabs the WWF Title. Rock ducks the swing and puts Austin the Sharpshooter but he’s afraid to let go of the belt for some reason. I guess realizing he has a job no matter what, he grabs the rope instead.
Back up and Austin’s Stunner is countered into a Stunner from Rock. Why that puts Rock down after Rock had been in control for awhile is beyond me but whatever. Rock covers but here’s Nick Patrick to pull Hebner out. A Rock Bottom to Patrick is broken up and Austin Rock Bottoms Rock for two. Austin drills Patrick and pulls Hebner back in, only to be sent into him again as Rock counters the Stunner. There’s the Stunner to Rock but there’s no referee. Angle runs in and nails Austin with the title, letting Rock hit the Rock Bottom for the pin and the death of the Alliance. JR to Heyman: “You’re out of work! AGAIN!”
Rating: A. This felt like a main event and was very entertaining too. It runs forty five minutes bell to bell and feels like about half of that. At the end of the day, it was pretty clear what was going to happen but that doesn’t make it a bad match. Rock vs. Austin was pretty much done for a long time after this match, which is the right call as they had run it a lot this year. Great stuff here though.
Everyone celebrates and Vince comes out for the big dramatic pose, because this whole storyline was all about Vince and his kids.
Overall Rating: B+. Like I said, as goes the main event, so goes the show. The rest of the show isn’t bad but the main event is over an hour counting buildup video and entrances and all that jazz. The rest of the show isn’t bad at all with a good cage match and nothing truly bad that didn’t involve Trish looking great, so I can’t complain much here. Also, it gets rid of the Alliance which makes things better already.
As for the Invasion, I could go on at great length, but in short form: it was the biggest waste of time, money, and potential that there ever could be in wrestling. This was the biggest storyline you could possibly ask for and they BLEW IT. There are multiple options you could go with here. One idea is have no mention on TV of the WWF buying WCW and just keep it going with WWF guys in charge behind the scenes. Think a network might have been interested with it being under the direction of the biggest wrestling company ever?
Another option: have the Alliance win. At the end of the day any money they’ve got goes into the WWF’s pocket as they own EVERYTHING, so what difference does it make? Granted that was never going to happen with Vince’s ego, but why let money get in the way of Vince feeling good about himself? The Invasion could have been so much more but it wound up running about five months with the WWF dominating the whole way through. Such a shame and a loss for wrestling fans who had waited for so many years for a chance to have this happen.
Ratings Comparison
Christian vs. Al Snow
Original: C+
Redo: C-
William Regal vs. Tajiri
Original: C
Redo: N/A
Edge vs. Test
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys
Original: B+
Redo: B-
Battle Royal
Original: N/A
Redo: C-
Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jazz
Original: D+
Redo: D
Team WWF vs. Team Alliance
Original: B
Redo: A
Overall Rating
Original: C+
Redo: B+
Like I said, as the main event goes, so goes the show. That’s apparently the case here as I liked both better the second time around.
Survivor Series Count-Up – 1998: It’s No Wrestlemania IV
Survivor Series 1998 Date: November 15, 1998
Location: Kiel Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 21,779
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Aside from the tournament there really isn’t much going on here. Every major star in the company is entered as there are only two other matches: the Women’s Title and Tag Team Titles are both being defended to round out the card. One wrestler not in the tournament is Shawn Michaels, who broke his back at the Royal Rumble and will be gone for several years as a result. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is of the people in the tournament talking about wanting to be champion.
JR and Lawler talk about a big brawl that happened on Heat. They don’t actually say WHO WAS IN IT, but it was apparently quite a brawl.
Here are the tournament brackets:
Undertaker
BYE
Kane
BYE
Rock
HHH
Goldust
Ken Shamrock
Mankind
???
Jeff Jarrett
Al Snow
X-Pac
Steven Regal
Steve Austin
Big Boss Man
This is a tournament where you could have easily cut out the first round and made it an eight man tournament but I guess they needed to fill in the time.
Here’s Vince to open things up. The Undertaker and Kane recently shattered his ankle so he’s hopping to the ring in a funny visual. Vince does a big intro for Mankind (Hardcore Champion) who is Corporate but is more of a comedic putz who Vince manipulates to do whatever he wants.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Mankind vs. ???
Vince gives a LONG speech about the mystery opponent and it’s….Duane Gill. He was a jobber who injured his shoulder and was gone for two years to WCW. The fans thought it would be Shawn Michaels and are ticked off by the reveal. Then again it’s meant to be a joke so it’s not that big of a deal. The pyro scares Gill to death in an amusing bit. Gill is wearing a Pasadena Chargers shirt from the elementary school football team he coaches in his off time. That’s both awesome and sad at the same time. Mankind is in a tuxedo and wins in 30 seconds with the double arm DDT. It would seem that a conspiracy is afoot.
Earlier tonight on Heat, Jacqueline jumped Sable. This gives us ANGRY Sable which is more funny than interesting or intimidating.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. Al Snow
Jarrett is back in the WWF after a pretty horrible WCW run. His manager Debra is also making her PPV debut here. The first round matches only have ten minute time limits. Snow is now in his more familiar insane persona. Snow chases Debra around on the floor but hits a flip dive onto Jarrett off the stairs in a cool spot. We head inside and the bell finally rings. Jeff hotshots Al onto the top rope to take over but Snow is looking all psycho. Snow comes back and takes Jeff down before going up.
A guillotine legdrop misses and a dropkick takes Al down for two. Snow comes back with a crucifix for another two and counters a spinebuster into a DDT for two. They collide and here’s Debra with the Head (a mannequin head that Snow carried around and often argued with). Snow goes to find it but gets Jeff’s guitar instead. Jeff finds Head but the referee gets the guitar out of the ring. During the distraction, Snow steals Head and KO’s Jarrett with it to advance.
Rating: C+. This is a good idea: take two talented guys and let them have a match. What more do you need to do? The ending was a little screwy but they got there on a smooth wrestling match. When Russo could be held back from making things too crazy, late 98 WWF had more than enough talent to put on fun matches like this. Good stuff and I’d like to see more of it.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Steve Austin vs. Big Boss Man
They’re flying through this so far. Boss Man, now a corporate bodyguard for Vince and company, goes after Austin in the aisle but you don’t win a fist fight against Austin in 1998. Austin sends him into the steps and we head in for the bell. Vince is watching in the back as Austin hits the Thesz Press and the middle finger elbow for two.
Boss Man hits Austin low to come back but it just gets a warning. After a quick chinlock there’s the running crotch attack to Austin’s back and an uppercut for two. Austin makes his comeback and stomps a mudhole in the corner. We head to the floor and Boss Man hits Austin in the ribs with a nightstick for the DQ.
Rating: C-. Nothing of note to see here but this was more about story than the match. Did anyone expect Austin to get eliminated by Boss Man and/or in the first round? This is the kind of roll Boss Man was good at: enhancing a story and taking something out of the bigger name before we get to the important stuff with the bigger names later on. There’s nothing wrong with that and it kept him employed for years.
Vince smiles at the ending as Austin gets beaten down by the stick some more. He says the night is young.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: X-Pac vs. Steven Regal
X-Pac is the 1-2-3 Kid and now a member of DX. Steven Regal is a British wrestler who is in the WWF because he was fired by WCW. This is one of those matches that doesn’t need to exist but has potential. The winner gets Austin and X-Pac is European Champion coming in. Regal is a REAL MAN’S MAN here in one of the most entertaining gimmicks of all time. Lawler sings the song as Regal comes to the ring in a funny bit. Either that or the audio messed up there for a few seconds. X-Pac kicks him down and suplexes Regal for two. Two of those fast legdrops get another two on Regal but the Bronco Buster misses.
Regal puts on an abdominal stretch on the mat as things slow down a bit. Regal charges into the corner but gets caught in a sunset flip but he rolls out of that too and hits a slingshot to send X-Pac flying. Off to a surfboard stretch as things slow down again. This is probably the longest match so far and it’s not even four minutes in yet. A gutwrench suplex puts X-Pac down and it’s off to a headscissors.
X-Pac rolls that over and gets a freaky looking hold where he was on his back with his legs by Regal’s head but he was cranking on the legs in a Sharpshooter position. That gets him nowhere but it looked good. Regal puts X-Pac on the top and hits a butterfly superplex for two. Back to another rib/arm hold as the fans are getting a little restless. They get back up and collide in the corner before X-Pac kicks his head off for two. The Bronco Buster hits this time but X-Pac goes up and gets crotched down to the floor, leading to a brawl and a double countout to give Austin a bye.
Rating: C-. Much like the other three matches, this didn’t need to exist. The match was ok and one of the longer matches of the night (about eight minutes) but it doesn’t need to happen. This is a match you could easily take out and give to a longer match later on. I mean, did ANYONE see these two as threats to the title?
Vince isn’t happy with that and insists on overtime. It’s sudden death too, making it just like every other wrestling match on the show tonight. That goes nowhere though as X-Pac walks to the back.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Goldust vs. Ken Shamrock
Shamrock is Intercontinental Champion coming in. Ken starts with a leg lariat and pounds away at Goldie. Goldust misses a lariat but a second attempt connects to shift the momentum. Shamrock clotheslines him out of the corner for two as this is starting very slowly so far. Off to a reverse chinlock followed by a Russian legsweep for two.
A regular chinlock follows that up but Goldust makes a comeback. That lasts about four seconds as Shamrock avoids a charge in the corner. A powerbomb from Goldust is countered and the referee blocks his Shattered Dreams attempt. It’s hurricanrana, belly to belly and ankle lock to make Goldust tap.
Rating: D-. This was a long and uninteresting squash. Goldust was at a weird point here as he didn’t really do anything and wasn’t weird or creepy anymore. He was just kind of there as a guy who used to be good but in this match he could have been Barry Horowitz and been as much of a threat to Shamrock. Terribly dull stuff here.
Austin has refused medical attention but Cole thinks he’ll be here later in the tournament.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: The Rock vs. HHH
Oh wait HHH is hurt so we’ve got a replacement.
WWF World Title Tournament First Round: The Rock vs. Big Boss Man
Rock literally rolls Boss Man up and wins in three seconds, setting a new WWF record.
Here are the updated brackets for the quarterfinals:
Undertaker
Kane
Rock
Ken Shamrock
Mankind
Al Snow
Steve Austin
BYE
WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Undertaker vs. Kane
Undertaker has Bearer here and is a heel but he’s against the other heel faction headed by Vince. Naturally they were working together all along but that wouldn’t be revealed for about seven months. Kane pounds on Undertaker in the corner and we’re waiting on the first sell job. Kane kicks Undertaker down and clotheslines him out to the floor. The masked one stays on the offense on the floor but gets dropped face first onto the barricade.
Back in and Undertaker slugs away but there still isn’t much selling going on. Kane powerslams him down but Undertaker sits up to avoid an elbow. Kane sits up as well and we get more punching. Undertaker gets a boot up in the corner and starts working on Kane’s leg. The leg work goes on for a while because neither guy is capable of doing anything with any kind of speed whatsoever. They get back up and it’s MORE punching. This is slow even for an Undertaker match to give you an indication of what I’m sitting through.
Undertaker gets caught in the corner with a clothesline and the top rope clothesline follows it up for two. They slug it out some more and neither guy seems all that interested in selling anything. Undertaker tries a chokeslam but gets countered into one by Kane. Bearer distracts Kane on the apron though and Undertaker pops up with a tombstone to eliminate Kane.
Rating: F+. This was horrible as it was clear Undertaker wasn’t interested in trying and Kane was only able to do so much in the first place. The match sucked as a result and things would only get worse as time went on. We would soon get into crucifixions, burials (as in dirt over bodies in graves) and demonic possessions between these two because this is professional wrestling.
WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Mankind vs. Al Snow
Mankind is still in his tuxedo. Snow jumps him to start and hits a clothesline for no cover. Mankind heads to the floor for a chair but Snow gets in a few shots to block it. A big chair shot misses Mankind against the post and Snow gets dropped on the chair to give the masked one control. Back in and Snow grabs Head but Mankind suplexes him down to take it out of Snow’s hands. Here’s Socko (which had been stolen by Snow and wrapped around Head’s…uh…self?) Mankind clotheslines Snow down but gets caught in a sitout spinebuster for two. The double arm DDT puts Snow down and the Mandible Claw finishes.
Rating: D+. Another pretty worthless match but Mankind and Snow always seemed to have fun together out there. At the end of the day though, it’s Al Snow vs. Mankind in a World Title tournament match so it wasn’t exactly a secret as to who was going to win. Then again that’s the problem with almost every wrestling tournament you have. Not much to see here but it could have been worse.
WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Ken Shamrock vs. The Rock
Winner gets Undertaker and this is another Wrestlemania XIV rematch. Shamrock gets in a quick kick to the face but Rock clotheslines him down to take over. Ken hooks a quick suplex for two and hits a clothesline in the corner. Rock hits another clothesline to take over. Out to the floor and Rock spits water in Shamrock’s face, prompting Ken to send him into the steps. Back in and Shamrock stomps away before hitting a leg lariat to take Rock down.
A Russian legsweep gets two for Shamrock and a running knee lift sets up a chinlock. Rock comes back with right hands but here comes Boss Man. Back to the chinlock as the fans get on the Boss Man. Rock makes a quick comeback attempt but gets caught in the ankle lock. While that would make Rock tap out in a few seconds back in the day, he’s a good guy now so he fights to a rope.
Double clotheslines put both guys down and Rock starts taking over. Boss Man tries to interfere but it allows Rock to hit Shamrock low. There’s the People’s Elbow but it only gets two. The Rock Bottom is countered but Boss Man throws in the nightstick to Shamrock. Rock intercepts it though and KO’s Ken to make the final four.
Rating: C-. Another not that great match here but it was better than most of what we’ve had so far. Shamrock is another guy like Boss Man who is a great soldier but was never going to get much higher than he was here. He certainly had a better chance at it than Boss Man, but that’s not saying all that much.
The final four are now set:
Undertaker
The Rock
Mankind
Steve Austin
Bearer says Undertaker will win.
Women’s Title: Sable vs. Jacqueline
Jackie, the woman Mero dumped Sable for, is defending. Shane McMahon (Vince’s son) is referee after being demoted by Vince as part of a big story. Jackie kicks Sable down and, wait for it, runs her mouth. Sable comes back with a TKO but Mero pulls her out at two. Sable kicks Mero low and powerbombs him on the floor. Jackie decks Sable and runs her mouth some more. Sable counters a tornado DDT and powerbombs Jackie for the pin and the title.
Rating: D-. It came, it went, it wasn’t any good. People actually cared about Sable but the title became a prop very quickly. There wasn’t even a division at this point as the title has only been back for a few months after years of being in retirement. There’s just nothing else to say here.
WWF World Title Tournament Semifinals: Mankind vs. Steve Austin
Austin is banged up from the nightstick attack earlier but he goes right at Mankind to start. Mankind loses a show and Austin whacks him in the head with it as Vince is wheeled out. The distraction lets Mankind take over and hit a running knee in the corner. There’s the Thesz Press but Mankind escapes the Stunner. Mankind runs out of the ring and towards the entrance but the Stooges bring him back.
Mankind sends Austin into the steps and then into the crowd as we’re firmly in brawl mode here. Back to ringside and Austin goes face first into the steps. Off to a quickly broken chinlock before they clothesline each other down and Vince is getting worried. Austin rams into him and stomps a mudhole but Mankind goes out and gets a chair. That gets kicked into his face but Mankind hits the double arm onto the chair for two.
A piledriver on the chair is broken up because it would have destroyed Austin’s neck even further. The Stunner connects but Vince jumps out of his wheelchair and beats up the referee. Mankind loses his tuxedo pants and puts on the Claw but there’s the second Stunner. Shane comes in to count the pin but stops at two and flips Austin off, opening up a BIG plot hole. Remember that it was SHANE that rehired Austin recently, but apparently he was working with his dad the whole time. So why rehire him? Just to screw him over again? Really? Anyway Brisco hits Austin with a chair and Mankind takes the pin to advance.
Rating: C+. Definitely the best match of the night so far. It was insanely overbooked but it was certainly the best match due to the talent in there. Imagine that: take two of the best ever and give them some time and you get the best match of the night. This also opens up the door for a surprise ending as Austin was the favorite going into the tournament. Basically they’ve done the DiBiase master plan from Wrestlemania IV but it actually worked here.
Vince and company immediately get in the limo and leave with Austin in pursuit. Austin hijacks a car and we’ve got a chase scene.
WWF World Title Tournament Semifinals: The Rock vs. Undertaker
Rock pounds away in the corner to start but Undertaker gets in a clothesline to the back of the head to take Rock down. We head to the floor and after being sent into the barricade, Undertaker knocks Rock’s head off with another clothesline. Back inside and an elbow puts Rock down before Undertaker chokes on the mat. An uppercut puts Rock in the ropes and right hands abound.
Undertaker charges but gets backdropped to the floor and hit in the face with a water bottle. They head into the crowd for a few seconds and Undertaker gets the advantage back again. They slug it out with the monster getting the advantage again before walking into a Samoan drop. Here comes the Boss Man again as Undertaker sits up. Rock comes back and loads up the Elbow but Boss Man trips him up. Undertaker hits Boss Man because he’s an evil guy, but here’s Kane to chokeslam Rock, sending him to the finals by DQ.
Rating: D. If there have ever been two big names with worse chemistry than Rock and Undertaker, I’d like to know who they are. These two just could not have a good match together if their lives depended on it back in the Attitude Era. It never clicked no matter how many times they main evented PPVs. This didn’t work either but at least it wasn’t that long of a match.
Undertaker and Kane brawl everywhere.
Mankind is ready to climb his last Rock.
Tag Team Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Headbangers vs. D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry
The Outlaws are defending of course. This was set up on Raw with both challenging teams winning some match. Also this is the old triple threat tag match rules where there are three people at a time in there which I’ve always preferred. Billy and Brown start things off but Mosh comes in off a blind tag to try to steal a pin on Billy. Mosh hits a running body attack in the corner on Gunn before diving at Brown as well. Messy stuff so far. The Outlaws pound on the former Nation guys in opposite corners before the Headbangers double team Roadie.
Brown and Mosh trade pin attempts on Dogg. Off to Henry for a bearhug on Roadie until Mosh makes the save. It’s off to Brown, Thrasher and Dogg as this continues to be ugly stuff. Gunn gets in a LOUD argument with the referee as Brown hurricanranas Thrasher off the top.
Roadie pounds on Brown and Thrasher but Henry takes his head off with a clothesline. Brown’s running powerbomb to Thrasher is countered into a sunset flip for two. A Henry legdrop gets the same on Dogg, followed by the Headbangers double teaming Roadie for the same. Brown offers a pact with Mosh but gets kicked in the balls for his efforts. JR can almost be heard moaning at how bad this match is. Road finally escapes the beating for the hot tag to Billy. The fans LOVED the Outlaws so at least they’re reacting here.
Brown hits the Sky High on Billy but since everyone is out of position, it takes forever to start the count. Jesse Ventura would have a field day with this. To further the stupidity here, Billy hits a Fameasser on Mosh but Henry makes the save with a splash, also hitting Mosh. Mark just stays on top of Mosh for a cover, but after two finishers it only gets two. That Mosh man, he’s TOUGH. Billy finally piledrives Mosh to retain the titles.
Rating: F. This was terrible and there’s no other way to put it. They were all over the place and no one was even reading the same book out there. The referee had to count very slowly so the saves could be made and there was no flow to this at all. Just awful and JR’s commentary makes it even funnier, but in a kind of sad way.
We recap Austin getting cheated out of the finals.
WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind
Vince and Shane are back and talking with Boss Man backstage. Feeling out process to start as Lawler makes fun of Halloween Havoc 1998 going off the air earlier a few weeks prior to this. Rock gets two off a clothesline and they head to the floor quickly where he gets rammed into the steps and Mankind takes over. Back inside for a chinlock as the McMahons come out. JR is very annoyed at various things and he vents a bit as they come to the ring. A suplex gets Rock out of the hold and Mankind is sent outside.
Rock suplexes Mankind on the floor but he has to go after the McMahons a bit. Into the crowd we go with Rock backdropping Mankind back to ringside. It’s time for a chinlock but Mankind fights back up and hits a Cactus Clothesline to take it back to the floor. A chair takes Rock down again and Mankind gets the steps, only to have them knocked down onto him. Rock pounds on the steps on Mankind with the chair before cracking Mankind over the head with the chair.
That gets two back in the ring but Mankind kicks Rock low to take over again. Rock is sent back to the floor for the elbow off the apron. Mankind starts taking the announce table apart as JR loses it even more. A legdrop on the table mostly misses Rock but it gets two back inside. Off to the chinlock again and Rock’s comeback is cut short by a backdrop to the floor.
Back in again and Rock hits a DDT to put both guys down. Mankind sends him to the floor AGAIN but a middle rope elbow sends the masked one through the announcers’ table. The crash looked great if nothing else. We head back inside and the People’s Elbow gets two. A double arm DDT puts Rock down and here’s Socko. Rock hangs on in the Claw forever and comes out of it with a Rock Bottom but it only gets a delayed two. Rock puts on the Sharpshooter and Vince says ring the bell just like last year, giving Rock the title, because Rock is Corporate.
Rating: C-. This definitely wasn’t their best performance with the constant going to the floor getting old fast. Mankind would have his day but it would take a good while to get there. This was all about the shock which shouldn’t be a shock when you think about it. All night it was assumed that Mankind was the Corporate guy, but let’s look at this.
Rock’s first match was against a corporate guy and he just happens to get the easiest pin ever. Then a corporate guy throws in a nightstick so Rock can beat another corporate guy. Then Rock wins by DQ, and now this. That’s establishing a story and giving clues instead of an illogical swerve. It’s easy to tell which is better as this is shocking, but also MAKES SENSE. This is what Russo was capable of but we almost never got to see it.
Rock hugs the McMahons and JR erupts. Vince says the people have themselves to blame and the explanation is coming tomorrow on Raw. Mankind isn’t sure what to do. Vince brags about screwing Austin over and Shane brags a bit in general. Rock says it’s time for the fans to pucker up to him. Mankind wants to know why he lost because he never gave up. Rock hits him with the belt and here’s Austin to clean house. This set up Rock vs. Austin for the title the next night in a HUGE match which I believe set a then ratings record.
Overall Rating: D+. This show was ALL about the stories and not much about the wrestling. The matches were mostly bad with a few ok ones, but those aren’t the point. This was about Vince and Shane doing their things and getting their Corporate Champion. All of that was accomplished and this set the stage until Wrestlemania. This show doesn’t really hold up that well on its own, but in context this would have been gold.
Ratings Comparison
Mankind vs. Duane Gill
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Al Snow vs. Jeff Jarrett
Original: B+
Redo: C+
Steve Austin vs. Big Boss Man
Original: D
Redo: C-
X-Pac vs. Steven Regal
Original: B
Redo: C-
Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust
Original: D+
Redo: D-
The Rock vs. Big Boss Man
Original: A (For Are you kidding me)
Redo: N/A
Undertaker vs. Kane
Original: C-
Redo: F+
Mankind vs. Al Snow
Original: D
Redo: D+
The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock
Original: C-
Redo: C-
Sable vs. Jacqueline
Original: D
Redo: D-
Mankind vs. Steve Austin
Original: C+
Redo: C+
The Rock vs. Undertaker
Original: B-
Redo: D
New Age Outlaws vs. D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry vs. The Headbangers
Original: F
Redo: F
Mankind vs. The Rock
Original: B-
Redo: C-
Overall Rating:
Original: C+
Redo: D+
Man what was I thinking with some of those ratings? I had no idea what I was doing back then and it shows.
Smackdown – May 23, 2002: Hogan, Hogan, Hogan, Hog….Never Mind
Smackdown Date: May 23, 2002 Location: BankcorpSouth Center, Tupelo, Mississippi Attendance: 7,450
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We might be in for a major announcement this week as new WWE World Champion the Undertaker has suggested that Hulk Hogan will be retiring tonight. I know 2002 was a different time but does anyone believe that Hogan’s retirement is coming on a regular Smackdown in Mississippi? Let’s get to it.
We open with the same recap of the big pay per view matches from Raw.
Opening sequence.
Cole immediately tells us that Hogan will be retiring tonight and says this will be the resting place of Hulkamania.
HHH vs. Lance Storm
Cole thinks Vince, you know, the boss and lone authority figure on this show, had something to do with this match being made. In addition to that, the entrances are dedicated to talking about what Hogan has been telling his friends and family about tonight. Storm does his normal schtick and takes the running knee to the face for his efforts, which only hurts HHH’s bad leg. A good looking dropkick puts HHH down and Storm does that weird hopping stomp of his. HHH’s cut is opened up again and Storm gets two off a top rope clothesline.
Cole and Tazz get into their fifth discussion of Hogan’s retirement (not an exaggeration and we’re only ten minutes in) as HHH makes his comeback with right hands and a spinebuster. Storm’s superkick (looks awesome as always) sets up the half crab on the bad leg for the logical submission attempt. A rope is grabbed so Storm heads up, only to have HHH shove the referee into the ropes for the crotching, followed by a Pedigree for the pin.
Rating: B-. For a five minute match to open a Smackdown, this was actually very good stuff. Storm looked like a threat to HHH (as big of a threat as he could have been at least) and the half crab made perfect sense. HHH sold well too and made Storm seem like a bigger deal, which was exactly the point of this match.
Notice the different between Raw and Smackdown: Raw has been using pretty much the same cast of characters since the Brand Split. Smackdown has at least turned guys like Storm and Val Venis into perfectly competent jobbers to the stars who also keep things feeling fresh. It’s a small difference but very helpful.
Christian is talking to Kurt Angle (head not seen) about how Kurt is going to go out there and expose his bald head. For reasons of general stupidity, Christian starts a YOU’RE BALD chant.
Stacy Keibler comes up to Test and tells him Vince has given him Randy Orton tonight. Apparently Vince is mad that Stacy thinks Orton is good looking and wants Test to take him out. Test says ok and kisses Stacy, who doesn’t seem to disapprove.
Here’s Angle, now with a curly brown wig and amateur wrestling headgear. Angle: “It’s amazing what hair supplements can do!” We get the required reference to Hogan’s retirement but here’s Maven to interrupt. Maven makes bald jokes and says Mississippi wants to see the real Angle. Kurt: “Do you work here or something?” The fight starts and Angle beats Maven up because one of them is Kurt Angle and the other is Maven. Cue Edge for the save but Christian comes out before the wig can be pulled off.
Test vs. Randy Orton
Before Test comes out, Stacy is on the table in a short skirt for her weekly dance. In addition to that, you can see her challenge for the Women’s Title in a bra and panties match on the debut of Velocity. The current Superstars debuted with Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy and Main Event debuted with CM Punk vs. Sheamus (World Champion vs. World Champion). I’d say that’s a point in the future’s favor.
Test starts fast and hammers in the corner with the big power offense. The pumphandle powerslam gets two on Orton as it’s not clear who Stacy wants to win. Test misses the big boot though and crotches himself on the ropes. Again, Stacy seems to like both guys in a nice shade of gray. A few rollups get two for Orton but the Test Drive (pick whatever name you like for the rolling cutter) gives Test the win.
Rating: C. For a four minute match, this actually had a story. Test, the powerful veteran, manhandled the rookie, who could only hit and run while looking for a quick win. I liked this way more than I was expecting and when you throw in several shots of a smiling Stacy, this was one of the best things on the show.
Undertaker doesn’t think anyone is ready to face him and he shrugs off a package of his match with Rob Van Dam. Interviewer Mark Lloyd says some people say he lost the title due to getting pinned with his foot on the ropes. That’s like saying he got pinned despite kicking out, mainly because Lloyd isn’t that bright. Anyway, Undertaker wants to see Hogan retire because that’s all that matters tonight.
Rico is admiring his Tag Team Title when Billy and Chuck come in. Apparently the title doesn’t matter because it doesn’t go with his clothes. That’s what the Tag Team Titles now mean people.
Chris Jericho isn’t in a good mood when he runs into Faarooq. Jericho: “Just the man I wanted to see.” Faarooq: “Are you high? Or drunk?” Jericho wants to get out of his match but Faarooq turns down the offer of money because Jericho is facing Mark Henry.
Edge/Maven vs. Kurt Angle/Christian
Angle jumps Edge during his entrance (Canadians never pay attention.) but Edge gets in a quick sitout Edgecution. It’s too early to get the wig off though and you can hear Angle’s medals clanging together as he runs away. Was there ever a reason given for Angle having more than one medal when he only won one? It’s a very simple heel idea to say he deserved more than one but you would think that would have been a joke once or twice.
As this is still waiting to get going, Torrie and Trish are shown watching in the back. Torrie is dating Maven and Trish is watching because……I have no idea. WWE really had a thing for blondes around this point. Christian chops Maven in the corner but an Edge distraction lets the rookie get in a low blow. The hot tag brings in Edge to clean house and everything breaks down. The Angle Slam plants Edge but Maven gets in a missile dropkick for two on Christian. Angle and Edge fight to the floor and the Unprettier is countered into a rollup to give Maven the big upset pin.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but again, they give someone a win for the sake of a rub. Christian giving up a fluke pin in a tag match isn’t going to hurt him long term but it could do a lot of good for Maven. It’s a case of throwing something against the wall and seeing if it sticks and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Rikishi vs. D-Von
D-Von now has the awesome “He’s Called My Name” gospel theme. Rikishi doesn’t think much of D-Von saying the thong is sinful but it’s too early to sit on D-Von’s chest. Cue Rico (with his title belt) as Rikshi gets in a belly to belly on D-Von. Now it’s Billy and Chuck coming out to see Batista trip Rikishi to give D-Von a breather.
A DDT has no effect on the Samoan (I love stereotypes shining through) as Tazz uses this match to talk about Hogan, who feuded with Rikishi’s cousin Yokozuna. That’s the kind of stuff they’ve been doing all night and it got old an hour ago. The Stinkface is loaded up but a Batista distraction lets Rico hit Rikishi with the belt to give D-Von the pin.
Rating: D. This match ran 3:08 and had Batista, Rico, Billy and Chuck interfering, plus a belt shot and a Hogan vs. Yokozuna reference. Oh and the Tag Team Champions hate each other the same week they won the belts and somehow the division is already pining for the days of Al Snow/Maven vs. Billy and Chuck.
Chavo Guerrero is watching Eddie Guerrero attack Steve Austin on Raw when Gregory Helms comes in. Gregory wants to know if Chavo knows anything about someone stalking Hurricane. Chavo says he’s going to take the Cruiserweight Title tonight and leaves. Before Helms leaves, he finds another clue: a bag of beef jerky. So wait: whoever is doing this is leaving notes and clues in someone else’s locker room on the off chance that Hurricane’s alter ego comes in and interviews them about who is leaving the notes?
HHH says there are no winners in the Cell but just survivors like him. Storm comes up to talk trash when Test jumps HHH from behind.
Cruiserweight Title: Hurricane vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Hurricane is defending and catches Chavo with an early powerslam. With this match already going nowhere, it’s time to talk about HULK HOGAN MOVIES. A dropkick knocks Hurricane off the top for two and it’s off to a discussion of great Hogan feuds, including King Kong Bundy and Kamala. An Emerald Flowsion of all things gets two on the champ but the Overcast (Blockbuster) retains the title. This was just background noise while the announcers squeezed in whatever new Hogan topic they could think of.
Vince isn’t concerned about Stacy kissing Test because tonight he’s getting rid of Hogan. Jericho comes in to yell about facing Henry but Vince tells him it’s an opportunity.
Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry
Henry throws him around to start and Chris’ wounds are already opened up again. A Vader Bomb misses and Jericho dropkicks him in the face. Mark gets back up for a five rep gorilla press so Jericho grabs a chair. Henry has his own chair taken away so Jericho gets in a shot to the back for the pin.
Rating: D. So HHH has a match with a story of a bad leg and a leg submission hold while making Storm look good. Jericho has a match where Henry gets to do power stuff and there’s a screwy ending. We’ll chalk this up to a combination of Mark Henry not being very good and Jericho only being able to work a few miracles. Henry is so one dimensional that it’s almost painful and even WWE seems to have given up on his push.
Here’s Hogan for the big segment that they’ve been building to ALL NIGHT LONG. After a long HOGAN chant, Hulk gives his life history, including talking about being born Terry Bollea in Augusta, Georgia. He’s had the time of his life for the last twenty years and he’s sad that his father isn’t here to celebrate with the Hulkamaniacs.
One night he and his father were watching wrestling and his dad told him to go wrestle again and straighten out his career in the WWF. Hogan thanks his fans for having his back all these months (all three of them since he came back). However, Hogan has to know when it’s time to leave (About nine years ago?) and wants the fans to live forever. Posing ensues (with Voodoo Child making a rare appearance on the Network version) but here’s Vince to interrupt.
Vince finds it amusing that Hogan is retiring in a place like Tupelo (true) but Hulk isn’t going to retire anytime soon (well duh) because Vince isn’t letting 1993 happen all over again (he says ten years ago so 1993 is just an educated guess). If Hogan leaves, he’ll get sued for everything he’s got. Hogan isn’t retiring until Vince has gotten every cent that he can out of him and that’s that. Hulk punches him down but here’s Undertaker, only to be dispatched in short order.
Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling was better for the most part tonight but that main event segment did this show no favors. At the end of the day, this was ALL about Hogan and after setting up something on Monday and building it up all night, Vince basically just comes out and says “eh not really” and it looks like we’re setting up Undertaker vs. Hogan II. There’s a little good stuff here but the bad outweighs it and that’s not good. Get rid of Hogan and Vince (for the most part) and this show is much better in a hurry.
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Smackdown Date: May 16, 2002 Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and luckily hopefully we should get something competent this week. Smackdown may not be great but they’re put together far better than Raw. At least this show has more than one top level good guy, which the red show certainly can’t say at the moment. Let’s get to it.
The opening video recaps Chris Jericho/Vince McMahon vs. HHH from last week, including the announcement of Sunday’s Cell match.
Opening sequence.
Here’s HHH for a chat because we haven’t had that in a long time. See, Vince McMahon just doesn’t get it. He thinks you can just send people out here and have Jericho hit him in the head and cut off everything that HHH has done. HHH is going to keep going no matter what because he’s never going to stop. As for tonight though, how about Jericho comes out here right now for a preview of Sunday?
Instead HHH gets Edge, who was hit by HHH’s sledgehammer last week. Edge says they’re both good guys but he’s got an itch to play the game. The fight is actually on but here are Jericho and Kurt Angle to beat down the self-described good guys. Angle cuts some of Edge’s hair off but HHH makes the save….of someone who punched him in the face a few minutes ago. Well they’re both good guys so it’s a rule.
Stacy Keibler is about to give Vince a preview of her swimsuit for tonight’s contest but Angle and Jericho run in to celebrate cutting Edge’s hair. Tag match, main event, you know the drill.
Hardcore Holly/Lance Storm vs. Big Valbowski/Randy Orton
Orton charges in and gets chopped in the corner for his efforts. The dropkick puts Holly down and it’s off to Val to clean house. Orton’s high crossbody gets two on Storm with the Overdrive (that weird spinning Fameasser neckbreaker) getting the same. Storm gets in a superkick for two but gives a lazy cover, allowing Orton to roll him up for the fast pin.
Recap of Undertaker and Hulk Hogan’s motorcycle hijinks.
Hogan is here.
Maven awkwardly hits on Torrie Wilson and actually gets a date out of it. Torrie leaves but D-Von and Batista come in to yell at him for thinking lustful thoughts. Well yeah. Al Snow comes in because Maven still needs protection.
Ace reporter Gregory Helms comes in to see Funaki and accuses him of being evil. Funaki asks what’s wrong with him but has a note on his back. The note says Hurricane will be in for some pain if he wins the Cruiserweight Title tonight. This was amusing for pure goofiness.
Jericho promises to pull off his mask and show how evil he can be.
Reverend D-Von vs. Maven
D-Von beats on Maven like the rookie he is to start but misses the middle rope headbutt. Some rollups get two each for Maven but Batista gets on the apron, allowing D-Von to kick Maven low. Cole: “A shot to the kidneys!” No Cole, not exactly. The reverse inverted DDT (Saving Grace) puts Maven away.
Batista beats up Al Snow post match.
Stacy is on her way to the ring but stops to look in a mirror. A short person pops out from a cupboard and shills a new camera. Stacy is as confused as you would think.
It’s time for the swimsuit contest with Tazz emceeing. Stacy and Torrie come out but Tajiri comes out to cover Torrie up, despite us seeing most of what’s under her robe. Stacy doesn’t want to disrobe but here’s Trish Stratus (who can be on both shows since she won the Women’s Title) in a robe of her own. What luck that she was here and brought a robe with her own logo on the back. Trish doesn’t have a swimsuit but does have some red lingerie. Stacy swings a shoe but gets kicked to the floor, leaving Trish as the default winner.
Post break Stacy comes in to rant to Vince, who gives her a Women’s Title shot on Sunday. D-Von and Batista are in Vince’s office so Vince asks D-Von to provide protection. D-Von: “You want a reverend to buy CONDOMS?” Actually Vince means taking care of Bubba Ray Dudley, who will certainly be in Trish’s corner. I’m certain that’s not going to happen just because Vince suggests it either.
Rico vs. Rikishi
Rico jumps him from behind and gets launched into the air for a one man 3D (probably supposed to be a Samoan drop, as is Rikishi’s custom). Billy and Chuck interfere to give Rico an opening but Billy dropkicks Chuck by mistake. The distraction allows Rico to get in a spinning kick to the face but Rikishi sits on his chest for the pin.
Rikishi dances post match. Maybe he and Bubba Ray Dudley have a secret alliance?
Billy and Chuck and Rico interrupt Vince and Stacy (dude get a hotel already) to complain about losing to Rikishi. Vince says they’ll be defending the titles on Sunday against Rikishi and a partner of Vince’s choosing. It’s going to be Rico.
HHH promises to destroy Jericho’s career just like he did to Mick Foley. Edge comes in and says he’d love to continue their fight from earlier. HHH isn’t interested until Edge wins a few more World Titles. Maybe Edge can use HHH’s methods and marry the boss’ daughter and sleep his way to the top (which Edge would eventually do with Vickie Guerrero). That was a better burn when it hadn’t turned into a running joke.
Cruiserweight Title: Hurricane vs. Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri
Tajiri is defending and jumps Kidman during the entrance. Hurricane runs out and the champ gets double teamed until Kidman is smart enough to knock Hurricane outside. Kidman dropkicks Hurricane off the top and hits the shooting star for two on the champ with Hurricane making a last second save. A chokeslam gives Hurricane the title in less than three minutes. It’s not like the title means anything anyway so put it on the entertaining Hurricane. It isn’t likely to make a difference either way.
We run down Sunday’s card.
Here’s a limping Hogan, who actually has the nerve to sell that stupid motorcycle schtick from Monday. After a full three minute long ovation, Hogan praises the fans for having his back so many times. We pause for more cheering before Hogan talks about being in his own fantasy world every time he comes out here. Cue Vince to say he hates Hulkamania and enjoyed Monday night. See, Hulkamania has a terminal illness called cancer.
This Sunday, Undertaker is going to stuff Hulkamania in a cardboard box and bury it once and for all. The fans start singing the Goodbye Song, which I guess is aimed at Vince, even though it doesn’t make a ton of sense. Then again neither does cheering for Hogan. Vince says the red is for the blood Undertaker will spill on Sunday and the yellow is the streak up Hogan’s back. The boss slaps him in the face so Hogan punches him a few times. The big legs wraps up this very unnecessarily long segment.
Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/HHH
Edge is stupid enough to charge in before HHH gets out to the ring and earns the double teaming from Angle and Jericho. A flapjack puts Jericho down and the good guys (their official name remember) take over. Jericho offers a distraction though and Angle belly to belly superplexes Edge off the top. A regular belly to belly sets up a missed Lionsault but Edge is too slow to make the tag. Instead Jericho comes in with Three Amigos so Edge gets in a middle rope dropkick for a breather.
The hot (work with me here) tag to HHH allows house to be cleaned. The double teaming doesn’t last long and it’s back to Edge for a double clothesline. Edge spears a chair out of Jericho’s hands, leaving HHH to Pedigree Angle for two with Chris making the save. HHH and Jericho fight into the crowd, leaving Angle to chair Edge in the head so the Angle Slam can give him the pin.
Rating: C-. I was bored with most of this as they were just going through the motions to set up both big matches at once. Edge vs. Angle is going to be fine and Jericho vs. HHH will be long yet watchable. The match was fine but there’s only so much you can do when you’re trying to fulfill a pretty simple goal.
Overall Rating: D. This show needed a lot more wrestling and a lot less Vince. Most of the show was built around Vince doing whatever he needed to advance stories or try to sleep with Stacy this week. The problem here though is only the main event was long enough to rate. I really need more than a bunch of two and a half minute matches and then a dull main event. Sunday’s show isn’t interesting for the most part and this show didn’t help anything.
Smackdown – May 9, 2002: The Rookies Unleashed
Smackdown Date: May 9, 2002
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
As horrible as Raw has been in recent weeks, Smackdown is really starting to find a groove. They’ve hit that perfect balance of wrestling, storyline and entertainment to make two hours go by very quickly. The shows aren’t great but they’re easy to sit through and you actually get some good wrestling. Let’s get to it.
Get the F Out gardening video.
Here’s Stacy Keibler looking GREAT in a black dress. After a bit of dancing, she brings out Vince to kill most of the buzz. Vince gets right to the point: HHH is a bad employee who may not have physically interfered last week, but he certainly knew what he was doing. Therefore HHH needs to get out here right now and apologize like a model employee or things are going to get bad in a hurry.
HHH comes out and immediately defies Vince’s orders to stay at least ten feet away. The gears quickly shift to HHH suggesting that Vince can’t keep her satisfied all night long, though HHH certainly could because he’s HHH and therefore all manly and such. More size jokes are made and HHH says Stacy is like Anna Nicole Smith, waiting on Vince to die so she can collect the cash. Uh, Trips, she’s just an employee sleeping with the boss. Pull it back a bit.
Vince teases fighting but here are Christian/Lance Storm/D-Von/Hardcore Holly/Test to go after HHH in shifts because wrestling villains don’t get the idea of attacking at the same time. With HHH finally taken down, Chris Jericho comes out for a few chair shots to bust him open.
The second HOGAN chant goes nowhere as Jericho puts on the Walls, with HHH actually tapping. Vince gets in HHH’s face and announces Jericho vs. HHH in the Cell. It’s a cool idea but I’m not sure this match warrants such a big feud. Especially not when there’s no doubt who wins the thing. It’s not like HHH is going to lay down for Jericho in a big match setting.
Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Hurricane
Tajiri is defending and starts fast with the kicks to the face as Cole is already on his second explanation for how badly Tajiri treats Torrie. I know he’s bad about it today but back then it was excruciating to listen to him hammer in plot points. Hurricane comes back with a DDT and neckbreaker for two but gets caught by the handspring elbow (which Cole refers to as a big spot).
Hurricane knocks him outside and Torrie’s help is shoved away. That’s fine with Hurricane who hits a running flip dive, only to get kicked down again. Torrie FINALLY has enough and gets on the announcers’ table to strip off the geisha outfit and reveal some blue lingerie. The distraction is enough to get Tajiri counted out.
Rating: C-. Not much to the match but the angle advancement was the important thing here. Also, unless Tajiri is holding the title for a lot longer, I don’t get why you wouldn’t change the title here. It’s not a stretch to have him get humiliated and walk into a chokeslam for the title but at least they finally did the split with Torrie.
Hurricane chokeslams Tajiri to make it even worse.
Jericho is with Vince and Stacy to brag about what happened earlier. Vince wants to give HHH a match tonight but doesn’t know who he could face. Cue D-Von and HHH has an opponent. Vince specially asks if he’s here and D-Von says he’s always here.
Hurricane and Al Snow discuss Spider-Man in what has to be a paid advertisement. Hurricane wants to ask Spider-Man whatuswiththat so Snow suggests medication. Someone has left Hurricane a note, saying they know who he is. Hurricane flies off and Snow says he thought it was weird talking to a head. Somehow, these two both appeared on TNA TV fourteen years after this.
Test vs. Mark Henry
Please let this be the blowoff. The challenge of a test of strength gets Henry in trouble and Test hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Henry comes back with clotheslines of his own (oh this isn’t going to be easy) before a powerslam gets two. Test gets gorilla pressed (with a nice assist by shoving off Henry’s shoulders but a bad ending as Henry doesn’t get him all the way up) for two more but he shoves Henry off the top. A flying elbow (one of the few things Test could make look good) gives Test another two but he has to low blow his way out of a full nelson. The big boot ends Henry a few seconds later.
Rating: D-. And so much for Henry going anywhere. See, if you have his whole character be based around power, it might help to have him actually win the matches. I’ve always liked Test but there’s only so much you can do with a guy whose main appeal is….somebody help me out here. Why is Test getting this push again?
Christian brags about beating HHH to Kurt Angle but Kurt gives Jericho the credit. Angle promises to make Edge bald tonight.
We recap Billy and Chuck losing their trunks and Rico getting a Stinkface. Rico says he’s coming out in style, meaning he’s wrestling tonight.
HHH vs. Reverend D-Von
The big moment here (other than HHH slumming it like this) is the debut of D-Von’s new lackey: Deacon BATISTA. D-Von introduces him to the crowd and tells him to watch the ring while he beats the sin out of HHH. It might be easier to beat the blood out of him since HHH has a big bandage on his head. A backdrop and spinebuster give HHH an early two but D-Von sends him into the buckle to take over. At least D-Von is smart enough to take the bandage off and go after the cut.
Batista sends HHH into the steps and hits a big clothesline. Who in the world would guess that would be Wrestlemania XXI? Back in and D-Von gets two off a middle rope forearm to the head, only to miss the headbutt. For some reason HHH goes to grab a chair but gets decked by Batista again. Batista misses a charge into the post though, meaning he looks great and has power but he isn’t that bright. It’s Pedigree time but Jericho runs in and hits HHH with the metal money box to give D-Von the big upset.
Rating: D+. It’s a big win for D-Von though I can’t imagine this is going to wind up meaning anything for him. In other words it’s part of a HHH story instead of anything else, though I don’t think anyone thought Reverend D-Von was going to go anywhere. At least we now have Batista as the Class of 2002 continues to grow.
Here’s Kurt Angle to explain the concept of a hair vs. hair match. Angle makes it even more clear by showing us a shot of Edge with no hair. Kurt: “MR. CLEAN LIVES!” He’s got a second picture but this time it’s Angle with no hair. Angle demands it’s taken away but it’s replaced by a YOU SUCK graphic. Edge’s presence is demanded but here’s Hulk Hogan instead because someone has to stand up for the bald guys. Seriously.
Hogan mentions names like Billy Graham, Steve Austin and of course himself, which pretty much ends the list of great bald champions. Angle promises to take the title from Hogan if Undertaker doesn’t because he’s the only REAL American around here. A big boot knocks Angle to the floor because Hogan is a secret Communist spy. Kurt bails but walks into a spear from Edge with very little reaction from the announcers.
Post break Angle storms into Vince’s office and is put into a tag match against Edge and Hogan with Jericho as his partner.
Billy and Chuck/Rico vs. Rikishi/Al Snow/Maven
What happened to Albert vs. Rikishi? If you’re going to set that stuff up, at least pay it off. Chuck and Snow start things off and Cole ignores the dull action to talk about upcoming house shows. Snow’s trapping headbutts have Chuck in trouble and it’s off to Rikishi for the fat man offense.
A quick poke to the eye cuts that off though and we get the first in ring appearance of Rico. Billy has to make a very quick save so Rikishi knocks him down as well. For some reason Maven gets a loud reaction off the tag but Rico kicks him from behind to give the bad guys control. Rico’s kicks have Maven in more trouble but Chuck comes back in and eats a DDT.
Snow comes in off the ice cold tag (because this story needed to end a long time ago) and everything breaks down. A Samoan drop to Chuck is completely no sold but a superkick that missed by a few inches knocks him outside. Go figure. Rico is knocked into position for a Stinkface but Chuck makes another save, allowing Billy to get in a Fameasser for the pin on Snow.
Rating: D. This show hasn’t been kind with the wrestling but can you blame them with this group of people? There’s no reason for Snow/Maven to keep going after the Tag Team Titles at this point, aside from a lack of anyone else to do it. Did they really split up the Dudley Boyz for the sake of these lame singles runs? Again: it would be nice if they thought this stuff through.
Randy Orton isn’t worried about his issues with Hardcore Holly but Lance Storm interrupts. Storm isn’t pleased with being relegated to taking bets on Mark Henry’s displays of strength so tonight he’ll show his skills against Orton.
We look back at Hogan destroying Undertaker’s motorcycle on Raw. The edited version takes it up from one of the worst segments of all time to just one of the worst of the year.
GET THE F OUT!
Lance Storm vs. Randy Orton
There’s no referee but as luck would have it, Hardcore Holly strolls out wearing a referee shirt. Cole: “I bet Mr. McMahon had something to do with this.” Thankfully Tazz is all over him for saying something that stupid. Storm starts fast with forearms to the back and a spinwheel kick before taking Orton down with a cravate. Randy comes back with exactly what you would expect but Holly won’t count a cover. A powerslam gets a very slow two and Orton hits the high crossbody for an equally slow two. Surrounded by unfairness, Orton gets pulled into the half crab with Holly pushing the ropes away to force the tap.
Rating: D+. Very basic match here but I’m glad it’s giving Storm something to do. He might not be the most entertaining wrestler in the world but there’s value in someone with that level of technical skills. Orton needs to get out of this Holly feud but at least he hasn’t lost to him yet.
Storm and Holly put the boots to Orton until Val Venis makes the save to get even with Storm for screwing him over last week. I can always go for logical week to week booking.
Edge goes into Hogan’s locker room and puts on his gear for the Hogan required Hulk impression until the real thing shows up to give his partner a pep talk. Edge: “He called me brother!”
Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho
Hogan and Angle start things off and Kurt’s right hands have no effect. A quick forearm gets two for Hulk, which is actually a rare sight. How often do you see Hogan cover off anything but a finisher? Edge comes in and gets thrown with a belly to belly before Jericho offers his hard chops. The half nelson facebuster drops Jericho and Edge cleans house while Hogan stays on the apron. I think that’s best for everyone involved.
Chris snaps the throat across the top to take over and it’s time to choke with some tape. We hit the chinlock on Edge for a bit before they both hit cross bodies. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house (exactly what he should be used for) and the usual looks to finish Jericho until Angle pulls the referee. Jericho grabs the Walls on Hogan but here’s HHH with the sledgehammer for the DQ.
Rating: C-. This was the best Hogan match since Wrestlemania and it’s not even close. Hogan still has value as long as he doesn’t overstay his welcome in any given match. Here he started things off, threw some punches, stood on the apron to play cheerleader while Edge got beaten down and then came in for the house cleaning.
The fans are going to love that stuff because it’s what Hogan does best. What isn’t going to work is having Hogan out there for fifteen minutes, which he rarely did in his prime. Let the young guys go out there and do the hard work and let non-champion Hogan come in and do his thing. That could last for months if not a year or two.
Vince comes out and offers to let HHH hit him with the hammer, though it’s going to cost him his career. HHH swings but Vince drops to the floor, allowing Jericho to get in a chair shot to end the show. This is really feeling like a modern Cell match as I can barely remember why HHH is mad at Vince in the first place. None of that matters though as HHH and Jericho are going into the Cell and that’s all that matters.
Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling was really weak here but the storytelling makes up for some of that. They clearly have plans week to week here and it makes the shows so much easier to sit through. Couple that with a lack of anything horrible like the NWO or the motorcycle segment from Raw and it’s no surprise that Smackdown is miles ahead of Raw at the moment. Fix up the wrestling and the show would be a highlight instead of just better than the horrible one.
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Smackdown Date: April 25, 2002
Location: Peoria Civic Center, Peoria, Illinois
Attendance: 8,350
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re in a new era now as HHH is a full time Smackdown wrestler, which I’m sure will last for at least a few weeks. After all you can’t expect the biggest star in the company to be on the B show for very long. Other than that we’re going to get more of the Hulk Hogan nostalgia tour, which wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world earlier this week. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Hogan for his big talk, but only after a long ovation. I guess the nostalgic stuff does indeed play in Peoria. Hogan isn’t sure if he could have beaten HHH without Undertaker interfering so maybe tonight HHH should get his rematch. Cole: “What a first class champion!” Here’s HHH and Cole also names him a first class champion. Is that their buzzword of the week?
HHH talks about Hogan earning his respect and a handshake at Backlash (Cole: “What a moment that was.” No Cole, it wasn’t.) but tonight he’s earned it again by offering that rematch. The fans chant for Hogan and HHH FINALLY gets to the point: when he wins that title that he loves, will Hogan be man enough to shake his hand? Instead here’s Vince to cut them both off (thank goodness) and say that he’s the co-owner of the WWE so he makes the matches.
Vince polls the fans on Hogan vs. HHH but says no because HHH is a criminal who doesn’t deserve a rematch. Fair enough and it’s nice to see one of those arrests actually be brought up for once. Instead, Hogan can defend the title next week against the winner of tonight’s main event: HHH vs. Chris Jericho. Makes sense: you want to torture HHH so put him in a #1 contenders match against the guy he always beats. Oh and if the bosses can make #1 contenders matches all the time, what was the point in having Undertaker vs. Austin at Backlash? I’m over thinking this one aren’t I?
Rico critiques Chuck’s massage technique when Tajiri comes in. Japanese stereotypes ensue and Rico doesn’t think much of Torrie’s look. The solution is a bandana but Tajiri steals it instead. This screams “stuff that only makes Vince laugh”.
Maven/Al Snow/Billy Kidman vs. Billy and Chuck/Tajiri
For the sake of clarity, I’ll only refer to Billy Gunn as Billy. Kidman and Chuck start things off with a belly to belly sending Kidman flying. It’s off to Maven, who eats a hard clothesline from Billy but Snow comes in to save his student. Tajiri stops to yell at Torrie, leaving Kidman to tornado DDT Billy for no cover. To throw away whatever we had going here, Maven and Snow rip off Billy and Chuck’s trunks, sending them running up the aisle. Torrie pulls Rico’s down, leaving Kidman to counter Tajiri’s powerbomb. The shooting star press puts Tajiri away.
Rating: D. I was starting to dig this one and then it went flying out the window with more “comedy”. Are we really still on Maven/Snow vs. Billy and Chuck after they lost their nothing pay per view title match? Torrie finally turning on Tajiri will be fun enough and it’s going to make her even more popular than she already was. Tajiri on the other hand has already gotten pinned four days after winning the title back to set the Brand Split record.
Kurt Angle calls a security guard fat and brags about his new t-shirt reveal later tonight. The shirt is going to list all of his accomplishments so the smallest size available is XXL. If the security guard plays his cards right, he might get one at half price. I could watch this Angle for days.
Stacy Keibler massages Vince’s temples until he’s interrupted by some newcomer. Vince: “Oh that’s right. You’re uh, you’re Randy Orton.” The boss leaves and Stacy likes the black sweatshirt and basketball shorts look. After admiring his hands (I don’t get it either), she offers to critique his holds by putting his hands on her hips. Vince comes back in and she claims he stripped for no reason. That earns him a match with Hardcore Holly.
This week’s power challenge: Mark Henry bending a frying pan. That goes fine so Test pulls out a steel rod. Why does he have a steel rod you ask? Well doesn’t every Canadian carry a steel rod? That’s bent as well so Christian, the guy who introduced the frying pan, jumps Henry like a moron.
Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly
It’s so strange to see Orton only having about six tattoos. They hit the mat for some chain wrestling to start until Orton gets a quick near fall off something like a bulldog. Holly isn’t about to get beaten up by a rookie though and gets in the kick to the very low abdomen. We get some shots to the chest in the vein of Sheamus’ forearms until Orton comes back with a dropkick. Orton’s high crossbody sets up an Oklahoma roll for the surprise pin. Nothing to the match, other than the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time.
Angle talks to a photographer about how big his shirt reveal is going to be but Edge is seen replacing it. For some reason the photographer is told to get the shirt in the ring.
Here’s Angle for the reveal, though he has to wait on the YOU SUCK WHAT chants. After insulting the town a bit, Angle explains the concept of having his accomplishments listed on the back of his shirt. I’m hoping the fans in the arena didn’t see that segment earlier or they’re going to be bored and do something stupid like chant WHAT to everything Angle says.
Before we get the reveal, here’s Edge to interrupt. Edge congratulates him on winning at Backlash and wants to see the new shirt. Every the knucklehead, Angle buys into it and the shirt is revealed. I’ll give you one guess what two words are printed on it and Angle’s reaction when he sees it.
Recap of HHH invading Raw and attacking Undertaker.
Mark Henry vs. Christian
Christian comes in and is thrown over the top with one arm. Back in and Henry runs him over, followed by a headbutt for two. A low blow gets Christian out of a claw hold but Henry grabs a bearhug for the win. This one note character stuff is why Henry never went anywhere for years and this run isn’t changing anything.
Jericho is ready to win tonight because he wants to beat HHH once and for all. See, he only lost at Wrestlemania because of a high fever.
Rikishi/Edge vs. Kurt Angle/Albert
It’s two feuds in one but my goodness those are two odd sounding teams. They pair off with Edge and Angle fighting in the ring to start. Angle throws him over with a belly to belly and brings in Albert for all of five seconds before it’s back to Kurt. Rikishi gets to clean house off the hot tag because you pick RIKISHI for that spot over Edge. A running seated senton crushes Albert with Kurt making the save. An Angle Slam takes Rikishi down but Edge spears Angle before he can cover. The Baldo Bomb puts Rikishi away as Edge stomps on Angle outside.
Rating: D+. If you can find a way around the time issues, the better move here would have been to do two singles matches instead of a tag. We already did the double feud tag match earlier tonight and when you consider we already had two massage segments, it doesn’t exactly make Smackdown look like the most creative show in the world.
D-Von takes up another collection but someone steals the money. That earns him a horrible beating, which is supposed to make D-Von look evil but what would you do if some goon tried to steal your money? Especially if you’re a wrestler and he’s a plant.
Angle yells at the security guard, who is now wearing a YOU SUCK shirt.
Chris Jericho vs. HHH
Winner gets a title shot next week. Jericho bails to the floor to start but the chase goes to HHH, who sends Jericho shoulder first into the post twice in a row. A spinwheel kick has HHH in trouble and but a sleeper is just boring. HHH comes back with a shot to the face and does the falling low blow headbutt. With both guys down we cut to the back to see Undertaker coming into Vince’s office.
Back with Jericho hitting the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) for two as Cole freaks out over Undertaker showing up. Then again, it would be more amazing for Cole not to freak out over something. A neckbreaker and spinebuster give HHH two but Jericho gets the same off a missile dropkick.
The Pedigree is countered into a backslide for two more and we get the usual Walls/rope grab combo. Jericho grabs a chair (because that’s worked so well for him) and gets DDT’d for two. Cue Undertaker for a distraction though and Jericho grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin and the title shot.
Rating: B. It’s so nice to have a long match that doesn’t involve Austin and/or the NWO. On top of that, Jericho actually beat HHH in a match that means something. Just by setting that up you prevent these matches from feeling like a waste of time until you get to the only possible ending.
Undertaker and Jericho beat on HHH until Hogan makes the save and punches Undertaker into the crowd to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped this show a lot but there was too much bad in the first hour and forty minutes for the main event to save it. They really need to elevate someone new to the main event already because HHH and Jericho are the best possible combination and that’s going to get old quickly. The rest of the card is in trouble too but that’s really more boring than bad, which can be even worse.
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