We’re getting closer to Over the Edge and the Corporate Ministry is running roughshod over the company. The Undertaker is about as evil as you could imagine but that would change in the near future. However, there’s now a pair of superheroes to fight him as Rock is full on face and ready for war alongside Steve Austin. Also, Vince McMahon has formed the Union to help in the fight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Shane dominating Raw last week and Rock and Austin being destroyed.

The Corporate Ministry and Union with their respective McMahon leaders walk into the arena.

Kane vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn poses on the floor but Kane jumps him to get things going. A big boot drops Gunn and he tries to leave but Kane will have none of that. Kane drags him to the apron and reverse suplexes him back in as the destruction continues. Billy comes back with some dropkicks to the leg followed by a chop block to put Kane in trouble. He tries to drag Kane to the floor but Billy charges into absolutely nothing to put him down.

I mean, Kane raised his boot, but considering I could see half the Titantron in the gap between the boot and Billy’s face, we can’t call it a boot to the face. They head back inside but Billy nails a dropkick to knock Kane backwards and tie the monster’s foot in the ropes. This brings out Road Dogg and X-Pac to save Kane as the match is thrown out somewhere in there.

Rating: D. That boot was so horrible that I can’t call this a good match as a result. Kane was still at the point where it was hard to find a way to hurt him so Billy did what he could. It wasn’t a good match but at least they tried. The kicks to the leg were smart and this was entertaining enough. That missed boot made me laugh though.

Post match the former Outlaws brawl into the crowd but Mark Henry and D’Lo Brown, the challengers for Kane/X-Pac’s Tag Team Titles come down and attack X-Pac. Kane gets free and makes the save.

Here’s the Union led out by riot guards. Vince tells Shane to come out here right now so here’s Shane, flanked by the Corporate Ministry. Shane says that he doesn’t need Vince anymore because this is his new family. One day, this will all be his. The lights go out and Shawn Michaels pops up on screen. He thinks Shane’s matchmaking last week was ok but let’s see how good Shawn can do it. First of all, he’s going to add Vince McMahon as a second guest referee at Over the Edge. As for tonight, we’re going to have a lumberjack match with Faarooq vs. Bradshaw with the Union as the lumberjacks.

Also let’s have Test vs. Big Bossman in a Nightstick on a Pole match. Third, it’s the Mean Street Posse vs. the Stooges in a Loser Leaves the WWF match. Next, Ken Shamrock vs. Chyna and Big Show vs. Paul Bearer, and if anyone interferes, Undertaker loses his title shot at the pay per view. I’ve lost track of the numbers at this point but there’s also Viscera and Mideon vs. Cactus Jack and Debra vs. Sable in an Evening Gown match for the Women’s Title and if Sable doesn’t show up, she’s stripped of the Women’s Title. Finally, Undertaker/HHH/Shane vs. Austin/Rock/Vince with a special referee.

Shawn is STILL not done as he has the riot guards unmask as Patterson, Brisco, and SHAWN, who claimed to have been in San Antonio. Ok, he made way too many matches at once (EIGHT) but that was AWESOME and totally got me. The segment ran a little long but the payoff at the end was worth it.

Big Show vs. Paul Bearer

Shawn drags Bearer to the ring and sits in on commentary. A big boot puts Bearer down and there’s a huge elbow drop for good measure. Big Show grabs the mic and asks Shawn to waive the rule about Corporate Ministry members coming to the ring during the match. Shawn obliges and here’s Undertaker, but he takes too long and Big Show drops another elbow on Bearer. The Ministry comes in and attacks Show but the Union comes in for the save. No rating of course.

The Corpoate Ministry bails.

Women’s Title: Debra vs. Sable

Shawn is on commentary again. Sable is defending and this is an Evening Gown match. Sable has bodyguard Val Venis with her. Before the match we get the Grind but here’s Val Venis to interrupt. The distraction lets Sable rip off Debra’s gown for the win in less than a minute.

Val is here to see Debra but backs away from Bass, allowing Jeff Jarrett to run out and blast Venis with a guitar. Shawn gets in the ring and tells Bass to “step off mister.” He sees the rules for Evening Gown matches a little differently. We WANT to see women out of their gowns, so Debra wins and is the new champion. This was Sable’s last night in the company for about four years.

Shane gives Undertaker and HHH a pep talk.

Big Bossman vs. Test

Nightstick on a Pole and you win by pin. They run each other over to start and Test goes for the post, only to have his trunks pulled down. This time Test pulls him down off the ropes and kicks him in the ribs. Bossman gets tied up in the ropes and punched a lot before falling out to the floor. A low blow stops Test and gets him caught in the Tree of Woe but Bossman pulls him out.

Now it’s Bossman going up again but Test pulls him down and suplexes him. They head outside with Bossman ramming the Canadian into the steps before we hit a neck crank back inside. Bossman lets go and climbs again, only to get caught in an electric chair. Test gets the nightstick but Bossman pulls out a metal pipe to nail Test. A nightstick shot to the head gives Bossman the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time as almost all of the match was Bossman going for the nightstick and Test stopping him, only to get beaten up. I don’t know why Russo was so obsessed with these matches as they really weren’t very entertaining due to that same formula taking place every time.

Val Venis goes on a rant against Jeff Jarrett and wants to face him tonight.

Mideon/Viscera vs. Cactus Jack

Hardcore match. Jack comes out with….basketballs? He chucks them at Viscera to knock the big man back before hitting a flip dive off the apron to Mideon. The numbers catch up with Jack though and a double chair shot to the face puts him down. There’s a double elbow drop for two and the fans try to rally behind Cactus.

Mideon nails him in the face with a chair and Viscera stands on Cactus’ chest. The lackeys make the mistake of lowering their heads and get caught in a double DDT. Cactus puts a trashcan over Mideon and blasts it with a chair. Viscera gets knocked to the floor and an elbow chair shot from the apron is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s better than the nightstick match but this year continues to be such a mess as you can’t get into anything with how insane it is. Cactus winning is a good thing as you want the Union to get some wins and he’s the group’s top star. It also shows the value of lackeys like Mideon and Viscera as they can take a beating to give the big stars a win over part of the heel group.

Chyna is ready for Shamrock.

Faarooq vs. Bradshaw

Lumberjack match with the Union minus Cactus and carrying 2x4s on the floor. Faarooq says there won’t be a match because everyone knows who would win. Bradshaw disagrees but they agree to let it go, only to have both try a cheap shot. Mankind joins the Union at ringside as Faarooq nails a spinebuster for no cover. Bradshaw goes to the floor and is violently thrown back in.

Bradshaw nails the Clothesline and now it’s Faarooq being thrown back into the ring. Bradshaw gets two off a powerbomb but dives into a powerslam for two. Faarooq comes back with a Cactus Clothesline to put both guys on the floor but the Corporate Ministry comes in to try and break it up. The Acolytes eventually calm down but the Union cleans house. Too short to rate but of course it was more story than action.

The Union gets in the ring and the Corporate Ministry runs, leaving Viscera behind to take a beating.

Mean Street Posse vs. Pat Patterson/Gerald Brisco

Here’s an infamous one. Losers leave the company. This is two on two as Joey Abs is nowhere in sight. Patterson and Brisco come out in the riot gear to Real American, drawing out a bunch of lame jokes from Ross and Lawler. The Posse beats up the old guys on the floor before the bell, leaving Brisco to fight on his own. He actually does pretty well at first but Pete Gas slams him down.

A double clothesline drops him again but Patterson comes in with the riot helmet to nail both of them. The old guys clean house and it’s Brisco with a Figure Four and Patterson with a Boston crab for the double submission to get rid of the Posse. This is a total joke but it is GLORIOUS and never fails to bring a huge smile to my face.

Ken Shamrock says he can’t hit a woman.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Val Venis

Before the match, Jeff does the Hello Ladies bit but doesn’t go further than saying the words. Val charges to the ring and we’re ready to go. Jarrett is dropped face first onto the steps and then the barricade. Val can’t piledrive him on the floor as Jeff backdrops him to take over. Back in and Val grabs a powerslam for two but stops for some bumping and grinding. A fisherman’s suplex gets the same on Jarrett but he comes back with a quick DDT. After some strutting we hit the sleeper on Val for all of three seconds.

Jeff DDTs the arm for two and the fans want Puppies. They trade rollups for two each before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Val is up first and nails some knees to the ribs and Russian legsweep. Debra gets on the apron for a distraction and Val gets caught in a sunset flip for two. She takes off her jacket as Val heads up. You should know what’s coming now. Jeff nails Val with the Women’s Title for the pin.

Rating: D+. Somehow this was the best technical match of the night. It wasn’t any good and the whole match was spent waiting on Debra to take the jacket off. These two are capable of having a good match, but that’s a bad idea in 1999 and this is a good example of such issues.

More Beaver Cleavage stuff, this time about the mom working on knees. Beaver’s skinned knee that is.

Chyna vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock comes out in jeans and doesn’t want to do this. He yells at HHH and threatens him but Chyna slaps Ken. There’s a forearm and Ken snaps but HHH goes after him. The guys brawl and there’s no match.

Chyna gets belly to bellied and Shamrock snaps.

Steve Austin/The Rock/Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon/Undertaker/HHH

Shawn is guest referee and Rock is coming in with a broken arm. Shane jumps his dad before the superheroes get here and the brawl is on fast. Rock comes out to beat up HHH but Undertaker plants Vince with a Tombstone. Rock and HHH fight in the ring as Undertaker strangles the unconscious Vince with a cord. Austin finally comes out to go after Undertaker as Shane has been nailed by Rock’s cast.

There’s no semblance of order at all here of course. Austin can’t Stun Undertaker but he can counter a Pedigree attempt. There’s a Rock Bottom to HHH but Undertaker makes the save. Austin pulls the dead man to the floor as the McMahons get back in. A Stunner puts Shane out but Austin pulls Vince off Shane. Instead it’s a second Stunner to give Austin the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m hesitant to call this a match as the whole thing was insane but it served its purpose of having a huge brawl. I like the character traits between Austin and Vince as they shouldn’t be working together, even when they’re forced to. Shawn really played no important role here.

Overall Rating: D. Most of the matches were bad to very bad and I’m not sure if anything was added to Fully Loaded. Other than the opening match, nothing was made in advance and a title changed hands because a woman lost a match. I know these shows were awesome when they first aired but time has not been kind to a lot of them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

I present the king of all hype videos. From Wrestlemania X7, it’s My Way. And how can you have the video without the match? It might be the greatest main event ever at Wrestlemania.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Heyman says this is the match that both men need to win and neither man can afford to lose. Right before the entrances, Fink tells us that this is now No DQ, which is a surprise to everyone. Austin’s pop is awe inspiring as the face absolutely lose their minds at his entrance. Rock gets a VERY mixed reaction as Austin is a folk hero here in Texas. The brawl is on immediately and Austin hits the Thesz Press and middle finger elbow, only to be taken down by a swinging neckbreaker. The Rock Bottom and Stunner are countered and Austin throws Rock to the floor. We’re maybe 45 seconds in at this point.

They fight into the crowd with Rock taking over with more right hands. Back to ringside with Austin hitting a clothesline to put Rock down before adjusting his knee brace for a bit. They’re back in the ring now with Austin hitting a running crotch attack in 619 position followed by a superplex for the first two count of the match. Austin takes off the turnbuckle pad and pounds away to A LOT of booing from the crowd. A back elbow gets two for Rock before he clotheslines Austin to the floor.

They fight over to the announce table with Austin coming back with a bell shot to the face. Rock is knocked onto the announce table which breaks a few seconds later. We head back inside for Austin to pound away to even more pops from the crowd. Rock comes back with right hands but Austin drops both him and a leg for two. Rock is busted open and Austin chokes away in the corner. Austin stops to yell at the referee and gets his head taken off by a lariat from Rock.

The champion pounds away with right hands before getting the bell. It goes upside the head of the also bloody Austin but only gets two. We’re at the point now where the pinfall attempts get more and more intense. Rock keeps pounding away but Austin won’t stay down. Back to the floor with Austin firing off more fists as JR is in all his glory calling it. A slingshot sends Rock head first into the post and man did he BOUNCE off that thing. Back inside and Rock scoops the legs for the Sharpshooter in a call back to WM 13 where Austin is dripping blood while in the hold. He makes the rope this time though and we keep going.

Rock flips Austin off, earning himself a Sharpshooter from Austin. Well there’s a twist. It’s a terrible Sharpshooter but it gets the job done. Rock powers out though with blood dripping in between his teeth, again ala Mania 13. Back to the Sharpshooter on Rock but he makes the rope this time to escape again. Austin busts out the Million Dollar Dream of all things and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock fights up though and we get another callback to a Bret vs. Austin masterpiece with Rock climbing the rope and backflipping onto Austin for two, making him break the hold in the process.

Out of nowhere Rock hits a Stunner on Austin but he can’t follow up. It eventually gets two…and here’s Vince. Austin’s whip spienbuster gets two but he walks into one by Rock which sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince breaks it up though by pulling Rock off Austin, earning himself a death stare from the champion. Now we know something is afoot given the history between Vince and Austin. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for another very close two.

The Stunner is countered and Hebner is knocked to the floor, allowing Austin to hit a low blow. Vince brings in a chair and clocks Rock with it on Austin’s instructions, getting another delayed two count. Now the fans are cheering for Rock a lot more but aren’t as pleased when Rock hits a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. Vince gets pulled into the ring for a beatdown but it’s a Stunner to Rock for only two. That probably should have been the finish, but instead Austin gets the chair and gives Rock the mother of all beatdowns with it, hitting him SIXTEEN TIMES. Rock is DEAD and Austin covers the body for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. Yes there’s kind of weak ending, yes there were some lame points, but it’s Rock vs. Austin II for the world title in the main event of Wrestlemania. This is a masterpiece by definition alone. I think I might be the only person on the planet that likes this turn still, but it was in front of the wrong crowd. If this was ANY other state in the country it would have been booed like there was no tomorrow, but instead gets cheered, which is where the problem came from. Still though, excellent match and worthy of being the main event of the greatest show ever.

Vince and Austin shake hands, officially ending the Attitude Era. Beer is consumed and Rock is hit with the belt one more time for good measure.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

It’s the night after Backlash and Steve Austin is still WWF Champion. The big story other than that was the stuff that happened after the main event. Stephanie was sent to a waiting limo but the driver was the Undertaker. In other words, we’ve got a huge moment coming tonight which happens to be one of my favorite moments ever on Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vince knocking Shane out and inadvertently keeping the title on Austin.

The Stooges and a disturbed Vince get out of a limo.

Opening sequence.

Here’s The Rock to get things going. After saying FINALLY, Rock says he has to give Austin respect when it’s due. Therefore, Austin will forever be the biggest piece of trailer park trash that ever walked God’s green earth. Rock gave Austin the beating of his life last night but now he has a problem: a 200lb sack of monkey waste called Shane McMahon. He told Shane not to get involved…and here are Shane with the Corporation.

Shane gets in Rock’s face and blames Rock for wasting too much time last night being the Rock instead of pinning Austin. Now Rock stands in front of him as a loser. Those are grounds for Rock to remove his sunglasses and threaten to do something very uncomfortable to Shane with the brahma bull horns.

They’re about to go but Rock has to deal with the Corporation. After punching HHH and Chyna, Boss Man gets in a cheap shot with the nightstick and they’re all on the Rock. Shane fires Rock from the Corporation, basically cementing his face turn. The Corporation leaves but Rock challenges Shane to a fight later tonight. Shane says it’s on and the fans are even more into the Rock now.

Pat Patterson suggests Vince call the cops. Vince says no because he wants to do this Undertaker’s way. He has some papers that Undertaker has demanded and says he has no other option. After a break, Vince and the Stooges are waiting on Undertaker to call.

The Corporation gives Shane a pep talk. He wants a Rock jersey and HHH suggests the name The Crock.

Brood vs. X-Pac/Kane

Non-title. JR plugs a title match on the upcoming Smackdown special this Thursday but won’t say what channel it’s on. Edge spinwheel kicks X-Pac down to start and sidesteps a charge in the corner. Gangrel comes in and hammers away before getting two off a powerslam. X-Pac gets a boot up in the corner and the hot tag brings in Kane. The top rope clothesline flattens Gangrel and Christian is dragged in from the floor. A chokeslam is enough to pin Edge.

Post match the Brood’s red lights come on and Kane gets a blood bath. Kane chokeslams X-Pac into the crowd because he was the only in sight when the lights came back on.

Vince’s phone rings and we go to a break. Back with a recap of the phone call and of course we can hear everything Undertaker says. Vince says Undertaker can have what he wants: controlling interest of the WWF. Undertaker threatens Vince with hurting Stephanie if Vince screws with him. He calls Stephanie his soul mate and tells Vince to bring the documents to a loading dock near a hotel. One more thing: he wants Austin to deliver the documents. Vince says he can’t do that but Undertaker calls that Vince’s problem and hangs up.

Here’s Austin for an interview with Michael Cole. Michael asks about Austin overcoming the odds but Austin tells him to get out of the ring. Austin says he beat Rock on his own and that’s all he has to say about that. Cue Vince before Austin can go any further and Steve looks very confused. Vince asks Austin for help with the Undertaker situation and Austin chuckles a bit.

Austin says he’s got his own problems and doesn’t really care what happens to Vince and his daughter. The boss pleads his case and Austin relishes the fact that Vince needs him. He makes Vince says he needs him but Austin brings up their war over the last year plus. Based on that, Vince is on his own tonight.

Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown

We look at Heat from last night where Nicole Bass said she wanted to sleep with Val. Brown runs in before Val can get in a catchphrase but Venis goes after the arm to take over. That goes nowhere as Brown takes him to the mat for a legdrop and two. Venis comes back with a slam but gets crotched going for the Money Shot. A superplex gets two for Brown but Val grabs a quick Russian legsweep. He loads up some grinding but Bass comes out for a distraction, allowing Brown to hit the Sky High for the pin.

Rating: D. The match didn’t have time to go anywhere and this was more about the story than anything else. Bass was there as a freak show act and the announcers treated her as nothing else. Nothing to the match here and both guys are capable of having so much better than this mess.

Brown’s valet Ivory goes after Bass for revenge from Bass beating her up on Heat and it doesn’t go well.

Big Show thinks Austin should help Vince.

Billy Gunn is coming for HHH to avenge X-Pac.

HHH vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a dropkick and right hands. A leg drag of all things put Gunn down and HHH has a target. The knee is wrapped around the post and a chop block has Gunn in even more trouble. HHH slowly stomps on the knee and yells at the crowd a lot. There’s a Figure Four with HHH holding the ropes but Gunn finally rolls over to escape. Gunn makes a comeback with right hands followed by a big powerslam for two. They head to the floor where Chyna LOUDLY posts Gunn, drawing out Road Dogg to get in Chyna’s face. A Pedigree ends Gunn.

Rating: D+. Slow match here but HHH looked good and evil for the most part. His push is coming and going after his old DX friends is a good way to get him ready. The feud hasn’t been the most interesting in the world but it’s there to set up something much bigger in the future. Gunn was his usual self here.

Shane whispers something to Boss Man.

X-Pac is looking for Kane.

Mankind/Big Show vs. Test/Big Boss Man

Mankind beat Big Show in a boiler room brawl last night but Show saved him from an attack by Boss Man/Test. Test hammers on Mankind to start but drops to the mat, allowing Mankind to score with a legdrop. Off to the Boss Man for nothing of note before Test comes back in. Mankind nails him in the back of the head to knock him into the corner but Boss Man doesn’t look interested in tagging.

Not that it matters as he tags himself in a few seconds later. Boss Man hammers away in the corner but rams heads with Mankind to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Big Show, sending Boss Man running over to Test. That’s fine with Show as he calls for the chokeslam but Boss Man hits Show low. Big Show hits a jumping double clothesline to take both of them down, allowing Mankind to hit the double arm DDT on Test, followed by the Mandible Claw for the win.

Rating: D+. The fans were into the good guys but the match was sort of a mess. At the end of the day, Test and Boss Man weren’t the most interesting guys in the world at this point and it wasn’t much of a match. Mankind looked good out there and Big Show getting the hot tag to clean house is something that will always work.

Test and Boss Man get in each others’ faces post match and Boss Man hits him with the nightstick.

Vince is waiting with the documents.

X-Pac is STILL looking for Kane.

Bob Holly beats up Al Snow and demands a rematch for the Hardcore Title.

We go to a black and white scene at the Cleavage house. Beaver Cleavage (formerly Mosh of the Headbangers) doesn’t like his breakfast but his mother offers her some of his milk. It’s as creepy as it sounds.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Godfather

Non-title again. Before the match Jarrett asks to make it a title match, but Godfather says Debra has to be a Ho if he wins. Apparently it’s on and this is now a title match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Godfather

Godfather, in a long sleeve golden shirt, runs Jeff over to start and gets two off a legdrop. Jeff comes back by sending Godfather into the ropes for a running crotch attack to the back of the head. Val Venis comes out and hits on Debra, drawing out Nicole Bass to chase Venis off. The distraction allows Godfather to roll Jeff up for the pin to retain.

Owen Hart gets Debra out of there, even though she seemed to like the idea of being a Ho.

Vince is doing exactly what he was doing the last time we checked in on him.

Terri and Jacqueline are about to have their way with Meat (Shawn Stasiak). This is set to what would become Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry’s music.

Bradshaw vs. Ken Shamrock

This is fallout from the Acolytes attacking Shamrock last night. Shamrock comes out carrying a ball bat but Farrooq jumps him from behind. Test comes out for a save and the Acolytes bail. Shamrock and Test look at each other in a sign of respect. Shamrock destroys some stuff with the bat. No match.

Shane McMahon vs. The Rock

Rock hammers away to start and throws Shane into the corner. This brings out the Posse who are easily dispatched as the match is thrown out.

HHH comes out and gets the better of Rock but Chyna makes the save. The fans chant for Rock but the numbers are too much for him.

Vince leaves the garage.

The Ministry drags Stephanie, wearing a long black dress, into the building. Paul Bearer is carrying a big book.

Here’s X-Pac to call out Kane. He looks at the entrance but gets jumped from behind by Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett. The lights go out and Kane makes the save. X-Pac asks Kane what his problem is and gets chokeslammed too. Kane carries his buddy off.

The Ministry comes out with Stephanie tied to Undertaker’s symbol. They carry it into the ring and lay the symbol against the ropes as she screams for help. Undertaker says this is on Vince’s shoulders and Austin has shown his true colors. Bearer opens his book and reads what sounds like the opening of a marriage ceremony. We are here today to join Stephanie and Undertaker in holy wedlock but Stephanie shouts NO over and over.

Ken Shamrock runs out with the ball bat but the Acolytes take him down, allowing Viscera to splash him. We cut to the back where Shane is telling the Corporation to not come out yet. Bearer continues reading as Big Show comes out and nails the Acolytes and Viscera, only for Undertaker to nail him with the ball bat. The rest of the Ministry hammers Show on the floor as Bearer announces the union. He says to kiss the bride and HERE HE COMES.

Austin charges down the aisle and runs over Mideon before slugging it out with Undertaker. Austin finds a chair and NAILS Bradshaw in the head. Viscera and Mideon take even harder chair shots and the Ministry runs off. Austin looks at Stephanie and unties her from the symbol. Stephanie hugs Austin as Vince finally comes out. The father and daughter hug as Vince thanks Austin to end the show.  I love that moment as it’s a hero standing up against evil not because of who he’s helping, but because it’s the right thing to do.  That’s basic storytelling and it will always work.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where it was all about the stories with the wrestling being there to fill in time. Tonight we had a surprising moment in Austin and Vince’s relationship, the Ministry showing how evil they could be and making Undertaker the top heel in the company, and Rock turning face in a move that would last for years. They did a lot of heavy lifting tonight and things would change even more in the coming weeks. The insanity is only getting started though.

Here’s the Smackdown pilot if you’re interested.

It’s the go home show for Backlash and the main story is the Ministry being totally out of control. The Corporation is fighting them as well as they can but there’s just too much going on for them to do much good. Other than that we’ll get the fallout from Rock throwing both Austin and the title belt into the river last week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Smoking Skull belt being introduced and then thrown in the river last week with Austin following it into the water.

Rock drives a hearse into the arena because he buried the title last week. This week it’s going to be a funeral with Rock delivering the eulogy. We even have a casket, flowers, and a big mound of dirt. Rock climbs onto the mound while guaranteeing to show that he’s the best champion ever on Sunday. Simple stuff here but on a big stage.

Vince and Stephanie will do a sitdown interview in Connecticut tonight so Vince is checking with security to make sure Stephanie is safe.

Road Dogg vs. Owen Hart

There’s no ramp this week due to the grave taking up so much space. Before the match, Dogg says that the Outlaws are the #1 contenders but if he loses tonight, Owen and Jarrett are the #1 contenders, no questions asked. However, if Dogg wins, the world gets to see Debra’s puppies. That’s the first time that term was ever used in the WWF so there’s your historical moment.

Owen jumps Dogg to start as Jerry is now a huge Roadie fan. The left hands and shaky knee drop get two on Owen but he comes back with a spinwheel kick (Lawler: “NO!”). A legdrop gets two more for Hart and he nails an enziguri for a close two. Owen drops a middle rope elbow but Dogg kicks out of the Sharpshooter and hits the pumphandle slam for the pin, sending Lawler into orbit.

Rating: D. This was just about the post match stuff and introducing one of the longest running jokes in WWF history to the lexicon. The tag match on Sunday was the more important story anyway, but this is far most historic. It says a lot that Owen and Jarrett were one of the top teams in the division.

Jeff Jarrett prevents the unveiling.

Undertaker sends the Acolytes out to take care of the Brood.

Rock is practicing his eulogy.

Brood vs. Acolytes

Christian is the odd man out here. It’s a brawl to start with the power guys easily taking over to start. Farrooq powerbombs Edge down but the Canadian comes back with a spinwheel kick and some lame kicks to the shoulder. That’s fine with Farrooq as he comes back with a spinebuster and makes the tag to Bradshaw. Gangrel comes in and fights out of a superplex before hitting a quick DDT.

Bradshaw hits a quick fall away slam and brings Farrooq back in for a belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combo. Farrooq works on the back as Lawler’s voice sounds like it’s cracking. Gangrel finally gets over for a tag but Bradshaw takes Edge’s head off before he can get going. The double powerbomb lays out Edge but Shamrock runs in with a ball bat to knock Bradshaw silly for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not much better than the opener but it had more time and the teams knew how to work a decent match. Neither team would do anything for awhile but once Edge and Christian took off they never looked back. The main event war continues to devour the entire company.

Undertaker is livid at the Acolytes for not getting a pin.

There’s a new special coming. It’s called Smackdown.

During the break, Undertaker and Viscera beat the tar out of Farrooq and Bradshaw.

Intercontinental Title: Godfather vs. Hardcore Holly

Only Godfather’s title is on the line. It’s a slugout to start with Godfather getting the better of it. A boot to the face sends Holly to the floor where he picks up a cookie sheet, only to get rolled up for two. The Ho Train crushes Holly but we’ve got a ref bump a minute into the match. Holly rolls outside again and nails Godfather with the cookie sheet several times before throwing him out to the floor. A hockey stick over Godfather’s back has him in even more trouble but Godfather kicks a chair into Holly’s face. Goldust comes out and breaks up Godfather’s cover, but Snow lays Holly out with Head to give Godfather the pin.

Rating: D-. Did I mention this is Russo time? It’s a three minute and five second match, complete with a ref bump, four weapons and two run ins. I have no idea why the match needed all this stuff but that’s part of Russo’s philosophy: a title match isn’t enough to keep the fans’ entrance so all this stuff has to be thrown in. It works once in awhile but when it happens all the time, the effect wears off.

Undertaker is on the phone with Mideon and tells him not to fail.

Rock is having his shoes shined and promises to bury Austin tonight.

Ken Shamrock vs. Big Boss Man

No holds barred due to Boss Man attacking Shamrock last week to kick him out of the Corporation, though Shamrock is still loyal to Vince. The brawl starts in the aisle with no one in control. Boss Man is sent into the steps and then into the ring for the opening bell. Shamrock kicks Boss Man in the head and they slug it out until an enziguri (hit Ken’s shoulder) puts Shamrock down. A much better pair of spinebusters get three straight two counts and a powerslam gets one more. Boss Man hammers away even more but Ken grabs a hurricanrana and belly to belly out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D-. The gimmick brings this down as there was no reason for this to be no holds barred at all. If nothing else it makes future matches with the same gimmick look stupid as fans will say “the last one sucked so why should I care about this one?” As a regular match it wasn’t much to see either.

Undertaker immediately pops up and says he knows where Ryan Shamrock is, even knowing her room number. Ken runs to the back.

The Mean Street Posse comes out for commentary.

Mankind vs. HHH

Some right hands have HHH in early trouble but Chyna pulls Mankind down by the tie and hits him in the face. That doesn’t last long though as a backdrop puts HHH down again and he gets tied up in the Tree of Woe. HHH comes back again and hits the running knee to send Mankind outside. Chyna gets in even more shots as the Posse hasn’t had much to say so far.

Back in and HHH drops a knee for two before clotheslining Mankind out to the floor. Both guys are sent into the steps with HHH getting the better of it and hammering away back inside. The Pedigree is countered but HHH blocks the catapult attempt, so Mankind falls head first onto his crotch. Socko is loaded up but Chyna crotches Mankind against the post for a DQ.

Rating: C-. Better match but that’s still not saying match. These guys were capable of having some classics but they need more than six minutes on a random Raw in the middle of April. The DQ/screwy finishes are getting really annoying tonight, which says a lot given what we usually have to sit through on this show.

Post match the Corporation comes in to attack Mankind but Big Show makes the save. He hits a HUGE chokeslam on Test to send everyone running. Mankind grabs the mic and says thank you very much, but they’ll still meet in his boiler room on Sunday.

Rock is on the phone in the parking lot and says his car cost $40,000.

Billy Gunn vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff sends him into the corner and stomps away to start but walks into a great powerslam for two. Owen comes out to trip Billy, allowing Jarrett to clothesline him outside. Road Dogg gets caught trying to help and Gunn is posted. A bulldog gets two for Jarrett but Billy drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle to take over.

Road Dogg helps his partner out with a right hand but Billy and Jeff hit heads to knock each other down. JR is already annoyed at the puppy jokes as Billy nails a neckbreaker, but Debra unbuttons her top to show off her bra. Billy simply drops his tights and hits a Fameasser on Jarrett but Owen comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. That’s almost out of pity as these matches have just been awful tonight. The tag matches make sense for Sunday, but I don’t see the point in having one team win both of the matches. The puppy stuff would dominate anything to do with women for about the next three years, much to JR’s annoyances.

Debra takes off her jacket but Jeff covers her bra with the guitar.

Rock won’t give an interview to WWF.com and tells the interviewer to get him some fruit.

Viscera vs. Big Show

They lock up to start and Big Show easily shoves him to the mat. Viscera takes him into the corner for some fat man splashes, only to get crushed with a clothesline. A rather impressive hiptoss puts Viscera down but he comes back with more fat man splashes. Big Show kicks him in the face to drop Viscera again but the lights go out as he loads up the chokeslam. We’ll say it’s a no contest here after your usual battle of the huge men match.

Undertaker and Paul Bearer come to the ring and we get the real showdown with Big Show. They slug it out and both try chokeslams but Viscera gets back up for the double team. Big Show still won’t go down but Undertaker punches him onto one knee. Mankind comes out to even things up but Undertaker leaves Viscera alone. Big Show superkicks Viscera to the floor. It really is amazing how much bigger Show is than Viscera, who is a massive man.

We look at Shane taking over the Corporation last week.

Vince and Stephanie are in Connecticut for a sitdown interview with Michael Cole. Vince says he’s always been proud of Shane but he wasn’t always there for him. Shane missed a lot as well because Vince wasn’t there, but Vince wasn’t proud last week. Stephanie can’t believe what Shane has done recently but knows that the only person that can keep her safe is Vince.

Security interrupts the interview and says something is going on in the parking lot. Vince tells the guards to stay there with Stephanie and goes after whoever is in the parking lot. It turns out to be Mideon and Vince beats the tar out of him before trying to crush Mideon with his own car. Mideon escapes and gets into the car as we go to a break.

Here’s Val Venis to say he’s solved the Y2K problem. All the ladies have to do is add a few extra bytes of ram from his hard drive and everything will be fine. This brings out Sable who says that’s nice, but she’s got bigger news: in two weeks, she’ll be shooting her second Playboy pictorial. This brings out Ivory and D’Lo Brown and the double brawl is on for no apparent reason. Now Sable’s bodyguard Nicole Bass comes out to destroy Ivory with a chokeslam. Val seems to have eyes for Sable.

It’s time for Rock to deliver the eulogy for Austin. Rock sets the tone with “Dearly trailer park trash”. Oh we could be in for a good one here. Rock isn’t sure if a roody poo like Steve Austin will fit in that casket before we get the real point of this: Rock opens his jacket to reveal the Smoking Skull belt. He runs his mouth about Backlash a bit until you can hear an engine revving.

We go outside and Austin is in a 3:16 monster truck. He goes over to the Rock’s car and puts it in the middle of the parking lot before getting back in the monster truck. Austin teases it a bit by driving around the Lincoln Continental a few times before crushing the brand new $40,000 car, sending Rock into a frenzy.

With that nice and destroyed, Austin drives the truck into the arena and beers are consumed. Back into the truck and Austin runs over the hearse before the fight is on. Rock barely gets in a single shot before Austin nails him with the belt to send Rock into the grave. Austin poses with the title but Shane comes in (remember that he’s the referee on Sunday) and breaks a shovel over Austin’s head to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is where Vince Russo was in need of the leash more than ever. All the stuff in the middle of this show was about as dreadful as you can get because it keeps going so fast that you can’t keep up with anything at all. However, there’s good stuff on both ends of the show that make it worth seeing. As for a go home show though, this really didn’t hold up well either. Most of the matches were just glossed over and the pay per view sounds like it’s going to be a big commercial for the next night’s Raw. That being said, it’s still better than anything WCW was doing at this point and that’s all that mattered.

Here’s Backlash if you’re interested:

Finlay/Little Bastard vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

Yeah it’s a mixed tag match with midgets. I’ll be calling him Horny here and he’s scared to death so he dives under the ring before the other team gets there. JBL says not to call him Little Bastard as his parents’ names are not Mr. and Mrs. Bastard. We go over Horny’s fear of little people as he hides under the ring. JBL: I don’t know what’s under there. There could be a whole colony of Lilliputians under there. HOLY FORESHADOWING BATMAN!

JBL is cracking me up here. “THAT IS THE RING I LOST THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TO JOHN CENA IN AND NOW THERE’S A LEPRECHAUN UNDER IT!!!” Boogeyman gets a fireman’s carry as this is a handicap match to start. JBL calls Cole a non-heterosexual Barry Horowitz. He keeps making jokes about their names and how absurd they are which is rather true.

Little Boogeyman comes in and gets some fat drops to have Finlay in trouble. And then he eats some worms. Horny finally comes in and rolls up his sleeves to fight. Finlay kicks the midget monster in the head. Little Boogeyman gets a small package on Finlay for two. JBL has no idea what to think. Finlay gets a short arm scissors and Little Boogeyman is tapping but it’s not acknowledged for some reason.

Horny pulls the other midget under the ring but when Finlay goes to find him he finds the regular (and I use that term loosely) Boogeyman. Boogey beats on Finlay and I have no idea what I’m watching. A Rocket Launcher from the Boogies gets two as Horny saves. Big Boogeyman chases him off with worms so Finlay can conk the midget with his club that is way too hard to spell for the pin.

Rating: D-. The match was horrible as I hate midgets, but the commentary here was absolutely hysterical. JBL’s deadpan rants about how stupid this was were so perfect and it worked the whole way. Luckily I think the Little Boogeyman was dropped soon after this. All of that being said, check this out for JBL alone.

Then this happened at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Around this time, Hornswoggle was revealed to be Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. Vince being Vince, he decided that his son needed some tough love, including this match from Survivor Series 2007. as well as stripping him of the Cruiserweight Title.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want. Now there’s a shoot if there’s ever been one. Horny takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. Horny kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE!

Horny dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn. This ran over three minutes but it doesn’t deserve to be rated. At least this did serve a purpose though, so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

You know what’s better than one midget character? A BUNCH OF THEM! From January 14, 2008 on Raw.

Mini Royal Rumble

This is a five man match and it’s standard Rumble rules with thirty second intervals. The arena is full of smoke due to JBL’s previous segment. Hornswoggle and Mini Mr. Kennedy start. Kennedy can’t reach the microphone for the pre match bit in a comedy spot. Apparently Hornswoggle is already in the regular Royal Rumble along with Mick Foley. Horny gets sent face first into the middle turnbuckle and Mini Mankind is in third. Kennedy stomps a mudhole in him as the fans are totally out of this.

Mankind is about a foot taller than everyone else but Horny blocks Socko and kicks him out. In a surprising power display, Hornswoggle presses Kennedy over the top rope, leaving him alone to face Mini Batista at #4. The rather chubby Batista hits a spear and does signature stuff but has the Batista Bomb countered. JR sounds miserable on commentary. Mini Kane is number five and is the shortest person in the match so far. He nails uppercuts all around but walks into the spinebuster and Batista Bomb.

Not that it matters as Horny kicks Batista low and dumps him, only for Kane to kind of sit up. A middle rope clothesline drops Horny and Kane sets up a chokeslam. JR: “Imagine the elevation.” Horny just glares at him with a look that says “Really?”. A Celtic Cross puts Kane down and there he goes, leaving Hornswoggle alone. Here comes the real Great Khali at #6, despite it being announced at five people. I smell a McMahon. Mini Batista attacks Hornswoggle from behind but Finlay makes the save with the club to knock Khali to the floor, which I guess counts as an elimination.

Rating: F. Oh just….no.

This whole thing had to lead to this. From February 11, 2008 on Raw.

Hornswoggle vs. Vince McMahon

No DQ. This is a result of Horny biting Vince last week instead of joining his club. Vince shoves him down to start and poses. Horny can’t reach Vince’s hands for a test of strength so Vince gets on his knees and offers a free shot. The arm is pulled back but Horny can’t do it at first.

That only lasts a few seconds until he finally slaps Vince, so the dad takes off his belt for a whipping. Finlay comes out to defend his buddy so Vince threatens to fire him and ruin Finlay’s family. Vince leans down to yell at Hornswoggle about what a coward Finlay is and shoves the litle guy down. Finlay blasts Vince in the head with the club and Horny hits a Tadpole Splash for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was an angle instead of a match. For the life of me I’m not sure who thought this story was a good idea, but Kennedy getting Wellnessed caused us to have to sit through all this nonsense. Finlay never really got a big push out of it either, which is really kind of surprising.

It would soon be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father so the two formed a team. Here’s a Tag Team Title shot for them at Night of Champions 2008.

Smackdown Tag Titles: John Morrison/Miz vs. Finlay/Hornswoggle

Please make it short. They already did that didn’t they? Do I need to explain to you why this is a dumb match? And the fans pop for the challengers because that’s what Satan told them to do. The tall guy and the Monday Night Delight start us off. Ross and Foley are a weird pairing on commentary. Horny is listed at 4’4. Why did Vince wonder why we didn’t like the company in 08?

We do get a spot that I haven’t seen before as Morrison jumps over the rope and gets crotched on the ring skirt. I’ve never seen that before. Finlay starts throwing Horny into Miz and Morrison as a projectile. This is a comedy match that forgot the comedy. How weird is it to think that two years later Miz could be a potential MITB winner? I wouldn’t be surprised if he won it. Miz and Morrison were really starting to get good here but wouldn’t hit their stride for a few more months.

Horny comes in and beats up Miz, hitting a Stunner and a bulldog. None of these do anything of course since HE IS TINY. The problem becomes clear here very soon: the heels have to either beat up Horny or have him get the hot tag. Finlay beats up everyone after such a tag and the fans care for some reason. Horny goes up for the splash and Morrison finally realizes how stupid this is and more or less chokeslams him to the mat, ending this annoyance.

Rating: D. I mean seriously, it’s a midget and an old man against a good and young team. Was this really the best option they had? They wanted this to make this a serious match and it just completely failed. It was a hybrid comedy match and mess and just didn’t work. They wanted Horny to be something serious and it just didn’t work so of course they kept going with it forever.

We’ll jump ahead to April 21, 2009 when Hornswoggle was on ECW. This is his final appearance on the show before going to Raw and he said (remember that for later) that he wanted to wrestle. Tyson Kidd objected so here’s the result.

Natalya vs. Hornswoggle

Horny does a Warrior rope shake while Natalya makes fun of him. The test of strength spot annoys Hornswoggle again so he bites her tights and gets two off a spear. Tyson tries to interfere but Finlay cuts him off, allowing Horny to roll Natalya up for a quick pin.

Next up was a long and stupid feud against Chavo Guerrero Jr. where the guests hosts of Raw made one gimmick after another, including Chavo being having his arm tied behind his back or boxing. On July 27, 2009, he was blindfolded.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Hornswoggle

A kick by Horny knocks Chavo to the floor and it takes awhile for him to get back in. We get the required cornering the referee spot before Horny gets two off a rollup. The little guy hammers away even more until Chavo pulls the hood up and hits a dropkick. He can’t see for the cover though and the crowd is already annoyed. Horny gets up but lays back down, so Chavo tries a frog splash. Horny goes to the apron, Chavo misses the splash, Tadpole Splash gets the pin. Chavo lost every single match in this feud.

We’ll jump ahead again as Hornswoggle didn’t wrestle full time. Next up is Smackdown, December 10, 2010. Hornswoggle had been named the official mascot of Smackdown and would face Jack Swagger’s mascot, the Swagger Soaring Eagle.

Hornswoggle vs. Soaring Eagle

Rosa comes out with Horny. The Eagle is billed at 6’0 tall and with a wingspan of 5’0. This is so stupid. Please make this be quick. Striker lists off facts about eagles before Horny pulls out a bag of, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, ACME (spelled wrong) birdseed. The eagle (allegedly Chavo) goes for it and gets kicked in the head. Rosa hands Horny a napkin which he tucks into his shirt and bites the Eagle’s leg.

Would anyone be opposed to some fast forwarding here? The Eagle misses Ballin (shoot me now….please) and the Tadpole Splash ends this at 2:28. Cole gets in two good lines at the end though. As Horny goes up for the splash, “GET OUT OF THE WAY! YOU’RE ENDANGERED!” and the second being singing Fly Like An Eagle by the Steve Miller Band, even though the Eagle wasn’t the one flying. Was there ANY point to this?

Another jump of nearly a year brings us to Smackdown, November 29, 2011. It’s the Holiday Special and Horny is in the Make A Wish battle royal, where the winner gets anything he wants.

Battle Royal

There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.

There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.

Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.

Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.

They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.

From later in the show.

Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.

From Smackdown, April 19, 2013.

Great Khali/Natalya/Hornswoggle vs. Epico/Primo/Rosa Mendes

We actually get a reason for this match: Epico/Primo/Rosa stole Horny’s parking spot earlier and there’s video to prove it. I’ve heard worse. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head but I’ve heard worse. Nattie takes Rosa down to start but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Rosa comes back with a kick to the back and a chinlock but Natalya fights back with a clothesline. Off to Epico and Khali with the giant hitting some hard chops in the corner. Primo tries to help but gets sent into the same corner as Epico for simultaneous chops. Horny annoys Rosa into a chase and Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge to pin Epico at 3:18.

Rating: D. Rosa was basically in half of a swimsuit and a vest so it doesn’t fail based on that alone. That’s about the extent of the good parts of the match though as none of these are people I care to see. At the end of the day they’re fighting over a parking lot, but how many people can’t get on television? Remarkable.

Hornswoggle would join 3MB in 2014 because COMEDY, leading to a feud with Los Matadores and their mascot El Torito. This set up Wee LC at Extreme Rules 2014.

Pre-Show: El Torito vs. Hornswoggle

This is the WeeLC match which exists for reasons beyond my comprehension and you win by pinfall/submission. There are mini versions of all three commentators, a mini referee and a mini ring announcer. Torito hammers away to start but dives onto the other Band members. Horny can’t manage a dive and Torito pulls out a chair. That’s no good for some reason so it’s off to a mini chair. A headstand in the corner sets up a Bronco Buster and here’s Mahal to interfere.

Torito crotches him on the top rope and sends Horny face first into Mahal’s groin. Horny takes Torito down and we get two sizes of stepladders brought in. Horny goes to the top of the bigger one but gets nervous so Torito lays down for him. Thankfully he moves when Horny tries a splash and we take a break. I really question the need for commercials for events airing on a service that I’ve already purchased to watch the show the commercials are airing on.

Back with 3MB and Los Matadores brawling on the floor. The commentators names: JB Elf, Jerry Smaller and Micro Cole. Torito gets slammed down for two and rolls out to the floor, only to be slammed down. Horny loads up the mini announce table (standing about two feet off the ground) and drops an elbow to drive Torito through. Fans: THIS IS AWESOME! Back inside with 3MB setting up a 6ft ladder and another mini table as Horny hits Torito with the mini chair.

The chair winds up hitting Heath low by mistake, knocking him through some full sized tables on the floor. Torito saves himself from being suplexed through a pile of tables and ladders at ringside as the Matadores make the save. Instead Torito DRIVES ALL THREE GUYS THROUGH THE LADDERS AND CHAIRS! Torito is laid on a full table outside and Drew misses a great looking flip dive for a crash of his own. Back inside and a springboard seated senton through a table gives El Torito the pin at 10:48.

Rating: A+. Do I even need to explain this one? One note: I really hope WWE lets this one be instead of trying to top it over and over again and driving the gimmick into the ground. You had an entertaining match. Be happy with that and maybe have another one down the road, but don’t try to make this something important on Raw every few weeks or it dies in a hurry.

Yeah he’s a comedy guy, but people forget that Hornswoggle can have a good match under the right circumstances. He isn’t a great worker or anything like that, but kids like him and he sells merchandise so there’s nothing wrong with keeping him around. Hornswoggle is reminiscent of Eugene: he’s fine if you don’t take him too seriously but when you put him in a major storyline, people lose interest. Stuff like the WeeLC match was hilarious though and that’s the kind of stuff he’s great at.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

Again, yesterday was a very bad day, but the Network is a long term plan and always has been.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

2. About a month or two ago the stock was at I believe an all time high. Stop acting like stock prices are set in stone.

3. Wrestlemania, the Wrestlemania DVD, and the Network going international are coming this year. Methinks that might spark the stocks a bit, seeing as how they do every year.

4. I don’t understand how the deal getting them $40 million more than they had last year can be seen as a bad thing. True it’s not as good as they expected, but under no circumstances can gaining $40 million be seen as a bad thing.

I’d LOVE an up to date one of these.