Wrestlemania VIII
Date: April 5, 1992
Location: Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 62,167
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

We’re into another huge stadium here and the interesting thing is that Hogan, while in the final match, isn’t in the title scene at all. We’ve got a double main event here of Hogan vs. Sid in Hogan’s “retirement” match and the still pretty new Flair defending the world title against Randy Savage in a match built not only around the title but also Liz, which we’ll get into later. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how it’s a double main event. They’re not really going for the epic feeling here it seems.

Reba McIntyre sings the national anthem.

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels

Tito is El Matador now and Shawn is freshly heel. Bobby says Reba is Tito’s sister: Arriba McIntyre. Say it out loud and you’ll get the joke. After taking forever to get Sherri to the floor, Tito gets a fast two off a cross body. They head to the mat for a headlock on Shawn which doesn’t last long. Michaels avoids a punch to the face but gets clotheslined out to the floor instead.

Back to the chinlock which doesn’t go anywhere this time either, so Shawn takes over in the corner. That also goes nowhere so Santana punches him in the face and takes it right back to the mat. Shawn finally comes back and pounds away even more, this time sending Tito out to the floor. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn and we hit the chinlock again, this time by the future world champion. Santana fights up but walks into the superkick for no cover.

The Backdrop Suplex (Shawn’s old finisher) is countered and there’s the flying forearm to send Shawn to the floor. Back in and a slingshot forearm puts Shawn down again as does a big atomic drop. Tito’s forearm to the back of the head sends Shawn to the outside again, only to have Sherri trip Tito up on a suplex attempt to give Michaels the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was a lot of kicking and chinlocks for an opening match. Tito was good for giving you a guaranteed decent performance out there, so putting him against Shawn was a good move for the most part. The match wasn’t great or anything but it did a decent job at what it was supposed to do.

Gene is on the old school interview platform and calls out the Legion of Doom. With them however is their former manager Paul Ellering complete with the rolled up Wall Street Journal. Ellering talks about bringing the LOD together before talking about how this is the beginning of the end. They want the tag titles back but would never get them again. Hawk says they were a runaway train, but now look who’s driving it. They don’t care who the champions are, because they’re coming for the gold.

Jake Roberts says there’s no truth to the rumor of him bringing a snake to the ring. We get a clip of Jake slamming Taker’s hand in a coffin and laying out a helpless Paul Bearer.

Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker

A right hand to the face has no effect on Taker so Jake pounds away so more. Heenan is already freaking out about how Taker can’t be hurt as is his custom. Jake knocks him to the floor but Undertaker lands on his feet. Roberts is pulled to the floor as well and rammed into the post to give the dead man control. Heenan cracks jokes and says he thinks he has two brilliant minds. Gorilla: “I’m in big trouble.”

As Heenan talks about Bearer earning the Urn, Taker chokes away in the corner and pounds on Jake for a bit. An elbow drop keeps Jake down and there’s the jumping clothesline for good measure. Out of NOWHERE, Jake hits the DDT to put Taker down but he sits up a few seconds later and grabs Jake by the throat. A second DDT puts Taker down again but Jake goes after Bearer instead. There’s the sit up and Undertaker follows Jake outside, hitting a tombstone on the FLOOR to end Jake and make Undertaker 2-0.

Rating: C-. The problem with these early Wrestlemania matches for Undertaker is that they didn’t have a ton of story or drama to them. Jake was in his last match for the company here before he went to WCW for a cup of coffee, so he didn’t seem to be giving it his all out there. The kicking out of the DDTs was impressive as was the Tombstone, but that’s about it.

Piper and Bret are facing each other later tonight and Piper talks about growing up near the Hart Family. Some jokes are cracked and Bret doesn’t take too kindly to it. Things get testy when Bret wants the IC Title back. This is much more of a match of respect than hatred.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. Bret Hart

Piper is defending. There’s a story here actually: Bret was “sick” and lost the title to Mountie, only to have Piper win it about a day and a half later. This is Bret’s rematch. Heenan: “How would you handle Piper if you were Bret?” Gorilla: “I would use my speed advantage. You?” Heenan: “Waffle him with a tire iron.” Bret takes him down to start and Piper spits in his face, basically becoming the heel of the match early on.

They trade arm holds to start but Piper can’t escape Bret’s non-evil clutches. Once he finally frees himself, it’s a dropkick to put Roddy down instead. Bret might have hurt his shoulder in the process, but of course he’s goldbricking, which gives him a two count via a small package. Piper slaps him in the face so Bret cross bodies both guys to the outside. Back in and Piper gets in a cheap shot which apparently busts Bret open. This was a big deal actually as Bret claimed it was a legit cut but in reality he bladed and lied to prevent punishment and still make it look good. Smart guy that Hitman.

Roddy pounds away for awhile and is reverting to his old style far more than he has in years. Bret comes back with a sunset flip for two and the mat is getting bloody in a hurry. Piper punches him down for two but Bret comes back with a forearm to send the champion to the outside. Back in and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Piper’s head lands on Bret’s ribs which should be a count but the referee sits up instead. Roddy goes up but Bret is goldbricking again, allowing him to slam Piper face first into the mat.

A suplex gets two for Hart and it’s time for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. Piper blocks the Sharpshooter though, so Bret settles for the middle rope elbow. Roddy blocks that too though with a boot to the face and they slug it out again. There goes the referee and Piper clotheslines Bret to the outside. As they come back in, Roddy grabs the ring bell to complete the heel turn. He lifts it up to crush Bret, only to stop himself and put on a sleeper instead. That proves to be his downfall though as Bret climbs up the corner and falls back on Piper for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This might be Piper’s best matches ever but even rarer is seeing him pinned in the WWF. Piper was VERY protective of his character, meaning that he was very rarely pinned. The match was great here and wound up being Piper’s last match in the company for several years. Really good stuff here as Bret is on the verge of shooting up the card to the world title in the fall.

Piper puts the title on Hart after thinking about clocking him with the belt.

We hear from WBF Bodybuilding Pro Lex Luger. He wouldn’t have a major appearance again until January of 1993. Again, who thought bodybuilding on PPV was a good idea? That would be Mr. XFL, Vince McMahon.

The Mountie, the Nasty Boys and the Repo Man laugh evily.

Duggan, Slaughter, Virgil and Boss Man respond with nothing of note to say.

Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter/Virgil/Big Boss Man vs. Nasty Boys/Moutnie/Repo Man

Just a collection of lower midcard guys getting a Wrestlemania payday here. Neither team gets an entrance. Instead, Ray Combs of Family Feud is guest ring announcer for this and cracks a few jokes about the heels pre-match. The good guys clean house to start and hit a quadruple clothesline to clear the ring. Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the building. Gorilla sums up our responses: “WHO CARES???”

Anyway Duggan and Sags start things off and it’s Jim hitting a few clotheslines to take over. Off to Slaughter who gets poked in the eye, allowing for the tag to Knobs. Slaughter pounds away to take over before it’s off to Boss Man for a boot to the face. Brian avoids a charge into the corner and Boss Man’s splash misses Repo Man as well, giving the heels control for a bit. Repo crotches himself and Boss Man slugs him down for good measure.

Off to Virgil who seems to mess up almost anything where he jumps into the air. Duggan tries to come in to save his partner but it’s back to Sags to beat on Virgil even more. A pumphandle slam gets two on Virgil and it’s back to Mountie. Everything breaks down and in the melee the Nastys are rammed together, allowing Virgil to steal the pin.

Rating: D. As I said, this was nothing more than a way to throw a bunch of guys onto the show at the same time. This was a much better idea than having four matches eat up a few minutes each as it accomplishes the same goal here. They were out there as filler before the world title match and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Flair and Perfect smile over having a large centerfold of Miss Elizabeth. I can’t imagine how teasing this angle was for thirteen year old boys. They say Savage is losing tonight and that Liz is leaving with Flair.

Savage won’t give any interviews.

To recap the world title match, Flair claims that he had a relationship with Liz before she was married to Savage, so tonight Savage is out for revenge and the title. Flair had some doctored photos and that’s about it, so it was more about humiliation than anything else. It’s a great angle and would still work perfectly to this day if done right.

WWF World Title: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

There’s no Liz in sight to start and Savage comes to the ring last. Oh and Mr. Perfect is in Flair’s corner which will come into play later. Flair tries to walk up the aisle so Savage decks him from behind. Perfect makes a save by throwing Randy down as things are looking chaotic already. They get into the ring and Savage starts fast with some shots into the corner and punches down onto Flair’s head.

Heenan is at his most biased ever and his voice is almost cracking already. A clothesline puts Flair down and a back elbow gets two. Flair comes back with a big backdrop to put Savage out on the floor as the champion takes over. Flair rams Savage’s back into the apron and takes over with a few suplexes including a belly to back for two. Heenan wants to see the pictures and I can’t say I blame him.

A big chop puts Savage down for two and we head to the floor. Savage has his back rammed into the apron again and Flair suplexes him back into the ring for two more. Randy comes back with a single right hand and the place ERUPTS. A swinging neckbreaker puts Flair down but he pokes Savage in the eye to take him down. The champ goes up top, only to jump into a clothesline from Savage. Savage whips him into the corner and we get a Flair Flip to the apron where Ric runs up top, only to jump into another clothesline for two.

Savage hits his third clothesline in a roll to send Flair out to the floor. A top rope ax handle sends Flair into the barricade followed by a shot into the post. Flair is busted open and there’s the Flair Flop on the floor. A suplex puts Flair down on the floor again as Heenan is begging for the match to be stopped. Back in and Savage pounds away before hitting a top rope ax handle for two.

The top rope elbow hits but Perfect breaks up the pin. Thankfully the referee doesn’t call for the bell as Perfect throws something to Ric. The referee is bumped but it’s not that bad. A shot to the face with the object puts Randy down but it only gets two. The fans are losing their minds on these kickouts. Flair pounds away and is pulled away by the referee, allowing Perfect to blast him in the knee with a chair.

This brings out Liz who marches through some suits (one of which being worn by Shane McMahon) as Flair works over the leg. The knee crusher sets up the Figure Four (complete with interference from Perfect). Heenan: “SHOW ME THE PICTURES!” Randy turns the hold over but Flair breaks it quickly. Savage’s leg is done but he grabs a two count off a small package. Flair says this is for Liz as he stomps on the knee even more. He grabs Savage’s leg but Savage gets in a quick right hand and rolls Flair up (with a handful of trunks) for the pin and the title.

Rating: A. If you ever want a match based on the good guy overcoming insurmountable odds, this is pretty high up on the list. Savage came back from EVERYTHING and while Liz was there, she wasn’t a major factor at all. The match is a masterpiece with both guys looking great. Savage was in a career resurgence, despite being world champion only three years earlier. Anyway, great match here and it still holds up very well today.

Post match Flair tries to kiss Liz, triggering another brawl. Perfect helps take Savage down and lets Flair pound away for a bit. Referees finally break it up and Savage is announced as the new champion to a big roar.

Flair, Perfect and Heenan go on a huge rant against Savage with Flair saying that Savage is going to be lying about being champion and lying about having the love of Liz. They tell Savage to do it again and claim that Savage was a cheater which won’t work again.

Savage gives a rebuttal, saying that he’s going to go after Flair no matter where or when it is. He hands Liz the title and says that it’s hers. As for Flair, Savage is for him and it’s going to continue. I love these two promos and they still work very well.

We recap the Wrestlemania VII press conference where Hogan was announced as the #1 contender. Sid wasn’t happy but joined Hogan in a tag match on SNME. However he turned on Hogan and left him alone against Undertaker and Flair. Sid then destroyed Beefcake’s Barber Shop set and wound up with a bunch of shampoo on his face in an unintentionally hilarious scene. We also get a montage of Sid beating up jobbers and Virgil.

Rick Martel makes a stupid joke about Tatanka scalping tickets.

Rick Martel vs. Tatanka

There are Indians at ringside chanting for Tatanka. This is about two months after Tatanka debuted on TV so you should be able to figure out what’s going to happen pretty quickly here. Tatanka start off hot as Heenan explaining that Flair did nothing wrong. Gorilla shouts that Heenan is a liar, so Heenan challenges him to a fight. Martel makes a quick comeback and sends Tatanka out to the floor. Back in and Bobby makes Indian jokes as Martel stomps away a bit more. Rick goes up and gets crotched, allowing Tatanka to pound away even more. Out of nowhere a cross body pins Martel.

Rating: D+. The match was ok but it was nothing more than a way to give the fans a breather. Like I said, no one knew Tatanka at this point due to how little time he had been on TV. Martel was in total jobber to the stars territory by this point and would be gone pretty soon. Nothing to remember here at all.

Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Natural Disasters because they’ve stolen the Disasters’ manager in the form of Jimmy Hart.

The Disasters say they’re ready and are after the titles and Jimmy Hart.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.

I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.

Brutus Beefcake supports Hogan.

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

Skinner catches him with the tobacco juice to the face to start and hits a shoulder breaker for no cover. Skinner’s reverse DDT gets two but Owen gets tired of selling and rolls him up for the pin. This was about a minute long.

Gene is with Sid and the tall man calls him a fat bald headed oaf. Sid guarantees this is Hogan’s last match, which triggers an interview with Hogan where he says he isn’t sure if he’s retiring or not. Sid doesn’t care.

Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice

With the music still playing, Sid jumps Hogan but Hulk pounds back and knocks Sid to the apron. The music is still playing and Hogan hits a forearm to the chest and a clothesline to put Sid on the floor. AWESOME opening sequence here and it still works really well. Back in and they stare each other down but Hogan knocks Sid right back out to the floor. Back in again and Sid wants a test of strength.

Sid puts Hogan down but Hulk makes the big comeback to the delight of the crowd. Justice gets knocked into the corner but Sid’s manager Harvey Wippleman (totally unneeded here) distracts Hulk, allowing a chokeslam to put him down. Hulk gets knocked to the floor and hit with Wippleman’s bag, setting up a nerve hold by Sid.

Hogan fights up, only to get put right back down in a side slam. The powerbomb gets two and it’s Hulk Up time. Sid eats a few buckles and it’s big boot, slam, legdrop….TWO? This is assumed to be a screwjob by Sid but in reality, the scheduled run-in by someone we’ll name in a second was late so Sid had to kick out. Anyway there’s the DQ by Wippleman to end things.

Rating: D. Well that sucked. It’s about twelve minutes long and went nowhere at all due to the majority of the match being spent in a nerve hold. Well maybe not the majority but far longer than it should have been. Anyway, this was nothing of note and saving Sid was stupid due to him being gone in a few weeks due to failing a drug test. Nothing to see here, until after the match.

Post match, Papa Shango of all people (the guy who missed his cue) runs out and beats down Hogan along with Sid until the Ultimate Warrior makes a legitimately shocking return for the save. A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. You have two classics, a huge shocking return, and some other decent stuff in there. What else do you want from a Wrestlemania, especially in 1992. Good stuff here as the Hogan era is definitely coming to a close. He would somehow get another world title the next year and the main event here sucked, but things were moving beyond him and it was clear that things would survive. Good stuff here.

Ratings Comparison

Shawn Michaels vs. Tito Santana

Original: B-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Jake Roberts

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Original: A

Redo: B+

Big Boss Man/Virgil/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Repo Man/Nasty Boys/Mountie

Original: F

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair

Original: A+

Redo: A

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

Original: D

Redo: D+

Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc.

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

It’s the same overall despite some of the main stuff being different. That’s interesting.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/15/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-8-hogan-who-needs-the-bald-man/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania 8
Date: April 5, 1992
Location: Hoosierdome, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 62,167
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Star Spangled Banner: Reba McEntireThis was an interesting entry in the series as well. You could clearly see things beginning to change in the WWF at this point. Ric Flair had arrived and was the reigning WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan was talking about retirement, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were singles wrestlers, and a lot of the goofiness was gone. This show was billed as possibly Hogan’s farewell match which was a really strange thing to hear no matter who you were.

Hogan had been the face of the company for nearly ten years and the possibility of him leaving was a scary though. This show also was different in that it cut down the number of matches from 12-14 to 9, which cut out a lot of the mindless filler and gave more important matches more time. It was held under a dome, just like WM 3 and had a very large crowd.The WWF Title wasn’t on the line in the last match of the show but rather in the middle, which was another rarity. Anyway, on with the show! A running joke of the show is that Elizabeth allegedly dated Ric and posed for special photographs for him which Flair promised to show. To the best of my knowledge, nothing ever came of this.

We open with Reba McEntire singing the National Anthem which is a nice thing to hear again. She is eventually helped out of the ring by Tito “El Matador” Santana.

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn is finally full heel after the legendary barber shop window incident. You can tell Heenan is rolling tonight as he gets in a great line almost immediately by saying he things Tito and Reba are siblings. “Sure. That’s Arriba McEntire.” I love listening to Heenan when he’s on his game and he certainly is here. We get the old school orgasm sounding music with Sherri “singing.”Shawn has challenged the winner of the IC Title match apparently. We waste some time as Sherri de-jackets Shawn. They imply there are some heel shenanigans coming. We get started and naturally it’s fast paced. A headlock keeps Tito in control and we have a special 900 number. There is some demon child shouting in an EVIL voice at Shawn and it’s kind of creepy.

Back in and Tito is dominating for the most part. We get a LONG headlock by Tito but they somehow keep it entertaining. That’s the difference between talented guys and generic guys: talented guys keep things moving even during things like these. They’re trying to get rollups and fight out of the hold and move around. They make it a contest which gives the fans something to keep their interest. That’s very important and separates the greats from the regulars.

Tito gets knocked over the top and is all dizzy headed. Where’s Jesse to say it’s because of a bad taco? Now Shawn hits the chinlock and has Tito in trouble. Tito gets up and walks into what would evolve into Sweet Chin Music. I guess here it’s Sour Jaw Humming? The Tear Drop Suplex, Shawn’s finisher, is blocked and the forearm connects to send Shawn to the floor.

Tito beats the tar out of him on the floor and gets a slingshot forearm/shoulder to have Shawn in real trouble. Shawn’s bumping like a madman because it’s Wrestlemania. The forearm hits and Shawn goes outside again. And then we get what has to be a botched ending as Tito goes to suplex him back in but Shawn falls on him for the pin. I guess Sherri was supposed to cheat but they messed it up somehow. That’s all I can come up with for that ending.

Rating: B-. Rather solid stuff here with both guys knowing exactly what to do out there. The scary thing is that Shawn would get about ten times better in about two or three years. This was fine for an opener and it worked well for what it was supposed to do. Good stuff from two good workers.

The Legion of Doom are tired of being off center. They bring back Paul Ellering. Who’s Paul Ellering you ask? That’s the same question most of the people have. What they fail to mention is Ellering was their manager during their hottest period in the NWA. Without knowing that, this interview makes little sense.

The Legion of Doom are tired of being off center. They bring back Paul Ellering. Who’s Paul Ellering you ask? That’s the same question most of the people have. What they fail to mention is Ellering was their manager during their hottest period in the NWA. Without knowing that, this interview makes little sense.

Jake Roberts isn’t afraid of the Undertaker. This feud goes back a long way actually. Roberts and Taker had both been heels and had crashed Savage’s and Liz’s wedding. Jake and Savage had a match, after which Jake was waiting backstage to hit Liz with a chair. Taker stopped this, turning face in the process.

Jake had been a guest on Taker’s show, The Funeral Parlor. He had locked Taker’s hand in a casket and DDTed Paul Bearer before attacking Taker with a chair. This did absolutely nothing though. Taker says Jake needs to be ready to meet his maker. It’s Jake’s last match as he would go to WCW and fight Sting for awhile in a totally forgotten feud.

Undertaker vs. Jake Roberts

Talk about a contrast between the previous match and this one. This likely isn’t going to be anything special at all to put it mildly. Bobby suggests Jake has a chance here. That’s so cute. We hit the floor almost immediately with Taker dominating. He’s the face here if I didn’t mention that.

Pure dominance here as we get Munsters and Addams Family references from Heenan, who feels like he has two brilliant minds on occasion. This match is meandering pretty badly here. DDT out of NOWHERE and the crowd is stunned. Could the Streak be over at one??? Taker sits up before Jake gets to his feet which is unthinkable.

Short arm clothesline and Taker is up again. Jake PLANTS him with another DDT and goes after Paul. Taker sits up again. If those had been KB DDTs he would have stayed down. Taker goes after Jake and a Tombstone on the floor ends Jake’s WWF run in emphatic style. The pin is of course academic.

Rating: D+. Nothing that great here but I’ve seen worse. They were still going for ways to make Taker look awesome as they had no idea what to do with him. They knew he was something special and he’s a former WWF Champion but at the same time, what do you do with him? It was a problem they had until a guy named Mankind showed up.

Brutus Beefcake is here for some reason.

We see a double interview with IC Champion Roddy Piper and challenger Bret Hart. Bret is serious and Roddy isn’t. This doesn’t sit well with Bret and we’re ready to go. There are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches mentioned, making me hungry.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Staredown to start as this should be awesome to put it mildly. Arm drag by Piper to start which surprises Bret to put it mildly. Bret does the same and down goes Piper. This is shaping up well. Gorilla gives his strategy for the match from both perspectives. Heenan: I’d nail them out back with a tire iron.

After some nice amateur stuff Piper spits at Bret to make sure everyone knows he’s the heel. Test of Strength which is odd to see from guys like this. Bret grabs the arm and Piper can’t fight out of it. Gorilla lists off some of the countries that are watching Mania which is always cool to hear.

Bret hurts his shoulder on an armdrag and of course was faking as Heenan predicted. It results in a small package for two and Piper is hot. Bret gets a cross body and we hit the floor. Back in and Hart adjusts his boot, allowing Piper to lay in an uppercut to be the definite heel in this. That’s certainly the right choice at least. STIFF punch to the face follows.

Bulldog puts Bret down and he’s in trouble. Bret is busted BAD which was an unauthorized blade job but Bret lied and said it was hardway to avoid a fine or suspension. Flair bladed later on and nearly got fired over it. Bret gets a sunset flip out of nowhere to break Piper’s momentum but it just ticks him off and the beating continues.

Heenan again suggests going to get a chair and blast Bret with it. Bret gets a forearm out of nowhere to send Piper to the floor as the demon child from the Shawn match is at it again, this time in the pink corner. Both guys go down and Piper’s head is on Bret’s stomach but it’s not classified as a cover for no apparent reason. Heenan counts anyway but it doesn’t count of course because that’s not the finish.

Piper goes up so Bret drags him down by the hair. FREAKING…..nah it wasn’t that bad. Snap suplex gets two. Bret unleashes the Five Moves of Doom but the Sharpshooter is blocked. Well of course it was as he didn’t go for the elbow yet. He tries it out of order and gets caught by a boot. They slug it out from their knees and Bret takes control again.

Down goes the referee as we set up the ending. Bret eats steps and it’s all Piper here. Piper grabs the bell but can’t bring himself to swing it, thus preserving his face status. Heenan: “USE THE BELL! HIT HIM! WAFFLE HIM WITH IT! GIVE IT TO ME I’LL HIT HIM WITH IT!” Piper opts for a sleeper instead but Bret climbs up the ropes and backflips onto Piper for the pin to regain the title.

Rating: A. This match is as solid as they come. There’s very little that I find wrong with it aside from possibly the ending. Piper not using the bell was perfect, but after that it’s like they were told they had to end it immediately, which to me wasn’t good. Aside from that brief moment though, this was an excellent match.

Piper gives Bret the belt post match.

Bobby Heenan has a surprise, and he introduces via satellite, Lex Luger. Lex is a totally arrogant bastard here and he does it perfectly. This takes far longer than it should have.

Duggan, Slaughter, Virgil and Bossman make generic insults to their opponents.

The Nasties, Repo Man and Mountie counter with even weaker promos.

Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter/Virgil/Big Bossman vs. Nasty Boys/Repo Man/The Mountie

Good night who picked these teams? It’s like a great melting pot of the undercard. This match is introduced by Ray Combs who was a popular game show host at the time. He makes some bad jokes at the expense of the heels. One decent line: “Repo Man was an unwanted child. His parents were hoping for a boy.”

My goodness how far have these guys fallen since last year? Nastys were tag champions, Mountie had been the IC Champion earlier that year, Bossman was in the IC Title match last year and Virgil had a fairly high profile match. Quadruple clothesline takes down everyone not named Repo Man. There are going to be WWF guys on Family Feud against World Bodybuilding guys.

Duggan vs. Sags starts us off officially. It’s a huge trainwreck of course with no real reason for anyone to be in there against anyone as none of these people were feuding at all. Everyone fights everyone for a little bit and nothing stands out whatsoever. Everything goes insane of course and the Nasties screw up, allowing Virgil to pin Knobbs.

Rating: F. No one cared and the match was a mess. This has to be a sold out crowd now with as much filler as we just saw. Awful match and at least it was short.

We recap Flair vs. Savage. Flair had arrived in November with the WCW Title, which is one of the most complicated stories in wrestling history so I’ll stay out of why he was allowed to have it, and claimed he was the REAL world champion. Due to him helping Taker beat Hogan for the WWF Title and the controversial way that Hogan won it back, the title was declared vacant. The winner of the 92 Rumble would be the new champion. Flair wins after Sid eliminated Hogan and Hogan pulls out Sid.

Flair and Perfect have a picture that is allegedly Liz from photos that she gave him before she met Macho. They had threatened to put these up on the big screen for everyone to see. This had been built up for months as the main feud in the company with neither one really having a clear advantage.

Flair had all these stories about he and Liz and some clearly doctored photos of the two, but nothing ever concrete. Macho Man won’t talk to Gene. However he will talk for a Coliseum Video exclusive. He says nothing of note.

This was supposed to be Hogan vs. Flair. Why that match never took place has never really been answered for sure, but the common answer is that the WWF started a real steroid policy and Hogan knew he was in trouble. After this show he took a near 8 month hiatus from the company, which even furthers that theory.

WWF World Title: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

What makes this match work even better is Heenan’s completely biased announcing. He doesn’t even pretend to be fair and it’s great. Savage jumps him in the aisle but Perfect makes the save. Totally personal feud here and even more proof that Hogan wasn’t needed to have a dramatic and great storyline for the world title. Savage no sells an atomic drop and hits a clothesline to take over.

Savage is even more insane here than usual if you can imagine that. Flair manages to backdrop Savage over the top to break his momentum though as Heenan cheers him on. There’s no Liz in sight at the moment. Flair chops away and Savage is in some trouble. Heenan is drooling over the thought of seeing the centerfolds of Liz that Flair promised.

Flair sends him to the floor and keeps working on the back. Total dominance here as Savage is sent back in. Savage gets a punch in and the fans pop huge just for that. A neckbreaker out of nowhere puts Flair down. Heenan needs a drink. He must have never been thirsty in WCW. Flair is slammed off the top with Savage stepping onto the bottom rope which isn’t something I’ve ever seen before.

Savage unleashes the clotheslines and even gets one as Flair is coming off the top for a long two. Heenan nearly had a heart attack off of that one. Savage sends him to the floor and hits the double axe to send Flair into the railing. He CLEARLY blades on camera which was a huge ordeal backstage as it wasn’t authorized at all and they nearly fired him over it. It’s a good one too.

Double axe off the top gets two. Crowd is WAY into this. The elbow hits but Perfect dives in for the save at the last possible second. Hebner doesn’t throw it out though and all three of the heels are furious. Perfect throws Flair an illegal object and Savage is knocked out cold….FOR TWO! The place erupts on the kickout and Heenan is beside himself.

Perfect grabs a chair and drills Savage in the knee (although it looked like he hit the knee that Savage isn’t holding) and the challenger is in trouble. Here comes Liz! A group of suits try to stop her, and one of them looks like a big dollar sign. As he’s coming down the aisle, he looks like money. You would be able to say HERE COMES THE MONEY. (It’s Shane McMahon if you have no idea what I’m going on aboug).

Flair goes after the knee like a shark smelling a big pile of Shark Chow and the Figure Four goes on. Like an IDIOT, Flair slaps Savage for not staying down. After literally being in the hold for over a minute Savage turns him over as Perfect cheats for the second time in the hold. Flair goes for a slam but Savage grabs a small package for two as the crowd is losing their collective mind.

Flair WOOs at Liz and hammers away even more. Knee Crusher (to the wrong leg) but Savage spins around and grabs a rollup with a handful of trunks (as we see Flair’s back AGAIN) to win the title again and blow the roof off. Post match Flair hits on Liz and she slaps the heck out of him. Perfect and Flair beat the tar out of Savage post match.

Rating: A+. I don’t love it as much as IC does, but this was amazing stuff. It went on forever and never got boring. The main big thing about this match is simple: there was a huge feud and title match, without Hulk Hogan. That hadn’t happened in almost 10 years and it proved that the WWF could live without him.

That being said, this is a totally underrated classic with both guys going insane and Savage fighting through impossible odds to win the title that he deserved. This was great stuff and of course it goes on halfway through the show as a world title change pales in comparison to Hogan vs. a monster right? Go watch this match as it’s awesome on a ton of levels.

Post match we get two of the best promos I’ve ever seen. You need to see these.

This feud was absolutely amazing on a ton of levels and the matches being great only pushed that further.

We see a clip from the Wrestlemania “press conference” where the #1 contender to the world title was named. Hogan was named the challenger and Sid was furious. He turned on Hogan in a tag match on SNME in a bad match where Hogan managed to beat Flair and Taker on his own afterwards.

Sid destroyed the Barber Shop set and got shampoo all over his face in a typically bad Sid bit. He destroyed a bunch of jobbers to bad 80s music apparently. And that of course transitions us to this.

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

We get a pure filler here. Heenan’s commentary here is great as he’s trying to be deadly serious but any mention of Flair sets him off. Tatanka has Native Americans with him, despite no one caring at all. Martel just doesn’t care at all here and I can’t say I blame him at all.

If you ever want a textbook example of going through the motions, look right here. Neither care and while they’re not being lazy per se, there’s no story or spark in this match. It’s literally two guys performing moves on each other. Tatanka gets a roll up for the pin. I know that’s short but seriously, NOTHING happened here and there was no point to it being here.

Rating: D. They were kind of trying, but it kind of sucked. Nothing great here at all and just a filler after the title changing hands. Boring match and no one could have cared less. Well ok they probably could but it wouldn’t have been by much.

We see Money Inc. saying that they’re ready for the Natural Disasters. DiBiase is completely different than he was just a year ago, but it works just fine all the same.

The Natural Disasters are coming for the belts.

Tag Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc.

Heenan is still ticked and it’s still funny. Gorilla singes the praises of the challengers (the big fat guys) which more or less secures their loss here. Quake and IRS start but DiBiase comes in soon afterwards. The challengers overpower DiBiase who runs of course like a scared little girly man.

The big guys dominate as you would expect them to with Quake shoving DiBiase all over the place and then doing the same to IRS for awhile. Typhoon comes in and due to his high level of suck the champions beat him down pretty easily. This isn’t really going anywhere at all.

False hot tag to Earthquake gets us nowhere as we’re waiting to get to the ending so we can get to the “main event” because Hogan has to close out Mania right? Not much of a match going on here with a totally dead crowd. Finally we get the tag to Earthquake, the fat guys dominate and the champions leave to take the countout loss.

Rating: D-. Bad, bad match that no one wanted to see. The whole thing felt like it was weighed down by more weight than half of the Disasters weight multiplied by two. This went nowhere at all. The Disasters would get the titles eventually at a house show.

Brutus Beefcake reaffirms Hogan’s divineness.

Owen Hart vs. Skinner

This might last 90 seconds. Skinner hits a reverse DDT that does nothing. Hart rolls him up using the ropes and pins him. This was nothing.

Rating: N/A. Nothing at all here and a waste of time that could have gone to a real match.

Want to join the WWF Fan Club? Actually it does look pretty sweet.

Sid Justice is just hilarious. Anyone that calls Gene a fat blubbering stupid oaf is nothing but sweet.

We see an interview with Hogan and Vince from a week ago as Hulk teases that he’s retiring soon. Sid isn’t pleased.

The point of this match is simple: Sid threw Hogan out of the Rumble and Hogan then pulled Sid out of the Rumble, giving Flair the belt. On a SNME, they teamed up to face Flair and Taker. Sid bailed on Hogan, who somehow still won the match. That brings us here. Hogan has talked about retiring, so this could be his last match. Sid jumps Hogan while his music is still playing. Hogan comes back to his music which is really pretty sweet.

Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice

The match is about what you would expect from these two. Hogan jumps Sid to start and beats him up while the music is playing. We finally slow things down with Sid taking over using, you guessed it, power moves. It’s all either guy can do so that’s what they went with of course.

We go back and forth to start, Sid takes over for awhile, and then Hogan comes back. Test of Strength gets us nowhere. Sid lands a move that I don’t think anyone had seen before in the WWF. It’s like a slam while he’s choking him. I can’t think of a name to use for it though. Anyone have any ideas?

Sid pounds away on Hogan for a good while as you would expect him to. We head to the floor for a bit and nothing happens at all. Now we hit the EVIL nerve hold that doesn’t really do anything. Hogan has had that put on him by people far more useless than Sid though so this gets Sid nowhere at all. Sidewalk Slam gets Sid out of trouble.

Hogan kicks out of Sid’s powerbomb, which was also a very rare move at the time. Hogan makes his standard comeback leading to the boot and slam. Sid kicks out of the legdrop! Sid’s manager Harvey WHipleman interferes causing the DQ, when all of a sudden Papa freaking Shango comes out for the double team.

As they beat on him, for absolutely no good reason the Warrior returns for the first time since about June for the save. This was a legitimate shock as no one believed that he was coming back. It definitely worked though and is a great surprise to end Mania, but it set up no more contact between Hogan and Warrior as far as I can remember. Double pose down to end the show.

Rating: D. It’s Hogan at Mania so it’s at least watchable. The original ending was Hogan has Sid beaten and Shango breaks up the pin for the DQ, but Shango missed his cue. Sid wasn’t being a jerk when he kicked out. He simply didn’t have another option. The ending made little sense though. It led to Warrior vs. Shango (which I was at the blowoff match), yet why Shango attacked was never explained.

As for the match, this was pretty freaking bad. No one bought this as the real main event but it’s Hogan so he has to go on last. The Warrior returning was a great thing but at the end of the day it should have been overshadowed by Savage and the title change. I’m not surprised though. After all it is Hogan.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s certainly not bad, but it’s nothing epic. Why, in Hogan’s last match, wouldn’t he go over clean? The Warrior returning meant nothing at all either. However, the rest of the show has some absolute gems in it. Make sure you see the IC and World Title matches as both are classics.

This show led to Savage holding the title over the Summer yet rarely defending it. Flair would win it back in the Fall before dropping it to Bret Hart just under a year later. Shawn’s singles debut is obviously a big deal and the fillers go by quick. Of the 9 matches, 6 are pretty good if not great so this is an obvious recommendation

 

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Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

In addition to the double main event, we have a match that is going to change wrestling going forward but no one knew it yet. This is a time of change for the company but it was still a very dark period at the moment. We’ll see a lot of the changes on this show, many of which will be better than others. Let’s get to it.

Unfortunately Jesse Ventura is gone from the company. Heenan is great but you can’t replace Jesse and Gorilla.

The opening video is just a quick look at Hogan vs. Slaughter.

Willie Nelson, complete with a replica WWF World Title belt, sings America the Beautiful.

Gorilla brings out Jim Duggan to do commentary on the first match. You know Duggan is happy to be on a show with a theme of Stars and Stripes.

The Rockers are ready for the opening match and aren’t worried about Bobby Heenan at ringside.

Rockers vs. Barbarian/Haku

So much for Heenan finding new members of the Family. Barbarian now has fur trunks, a fur cape and antlers, only one of which he wears during the match. I’ll let you figure out which of them that is. Shawn and Haku get things going with Shawn’s speed not working very well to start. Instead it’s a flying shoulder for two on Haku in a rare display of power from Shawn. Marty comes in to try some tandem offense but Barbarian runs them over with a double clothesline.

The Rockers come back with some dropkicks though and Heenan takes a break for a meeting. Back in and Barbarian uses the power to take over on Marty but Shawn helps his partner with a hurricanrana to take over. They try the same thing on Haku but this time the referee holds Shawn out, allowing Barbarian to come in and snap Marty’s throat across the top.

After another quick beating, Marty gets in a quick cross body for a breather. Barbarian breaks up the tag attempt though and it’s time for the bearhug. Marty fights out but dives off the middle rope and right into an awesome powerslam. He’s still able to roll away from a top rope headbutt though and there’s the tag to Shawn. Everything breaks down and a Marty missile dropkick sets up a Shawn high cross body to put Haku away at 10:33.

Rating: B. This is a perfect opening match as they were in and out of there fast enough but got in almost everything that they needed to do. The Rockers were awesome at this point and Haku/Barbarian were great foils for them with the power vs. speed dynamic. It holds up well and is still one of the better opening matches, especially considering it really doesn’t mean anything but still got the crowd fired up.

It’s already celebrity time as Gene is backstage with Regis Philbin, Alex Trebek and Marla Maples (Donald Trump’s girlfriend at the time). Regis talks about meeting some wrestlers for his talk show and he likes being a guest for a change. Earthquake scares him though. Gene: “Regis, you’re beautiful.” Marla doesn’t have anything of note to say and Alex makes the Jeopardy jokes you would expect him to make.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Tornado, also known as Kerry Von Erich, is a huge star from Dallas who had more drug problems than should be humanly possible. He’s reaching the end of his very short shelf life already so this isn’t likely to work well. Bravo clotheslines Tornado to the floor before he can even get his robe off but Tornado comes back with a failed claw (his finishing hold) attempt. Tornado ducks some clotheslines but walks into the side suplex for two. A bad looking middle rope chop to the back has Tornado in more trouble but he catches Bravo in the claw, followed by the Tornado Punch (exactly what it sounds like) for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D-. Not a good match here in the slightest with both guys looking sluggish and not really excited to be out there. This is another filler match, though these are starting to get fewer and further between, at least compared to a few years ago. In your depressing moment of the show, both of these two will be dead in less than two years.

Slick says his Warlord (now bald and without facepaint, making him look far more intimidating) is ready to fix the British Bulldog. The idea is that the Bulldog can’t escape the full nelson.

British Bulldog says he can powerslam the Warlord and his mascot Winston (a dog) says there’s no bull in this Bulldog. So Bulldog can speak canine. That’s quite the low level superpower.

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

This is the solo version of the Bulldog who is even bigger and stronger than he was before. Bulldog starts fast with some hard shoulders to send Warlord outside. Back in and Warlord drops backwards to break up the crucifix attempt as Heenan is already getting on Gorilla’s nerves.

We hit the required bearhug before Warlord opts to just pound Bulldog in the back with heavy forearms. A nice belly to belly nice dropkick to the chest (since when could he jump like that?) followed by a sunset flip for two. Warlord comes back with the full nelson but he can’t get the fingers locked. Just like Billy Jack Haynes four years ago, Bulldog breaks the incomplete hold, followed by a quick powerslam to pin Warlord at 8:11.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here as Warlord was fine as a dragon for Bulldog to slay. This is a good example of a match where they went step by step in a very basic idea but the execution was good enough to make what should have been a disaster into something totally watchable.

Jimmy Hart has his Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) ready to win the Tag Team Titles. The Nasty Boys were a hot act in WCW in late 1989 so of course the company didn’t bother to sign them to contracts and they were in the WWF in January.

The Hart Foundation say the Nasty Boys are already at the bottom and they’re going even lower.

Macaulay Culkin is here.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Harts are defending. Jimmy Hart is wearing a helmet for reasons that aren’t clear though it might be to protect himself from injury. Jerry and Bret start things off with Hart nailing a Thesz press and some right hands. So that’s where Austin learned it. It’s off to Knobbs vs. Neidhart with Jim going off with forearms to the chest in the corner. We hit the armbar for a bit before it’s off to Bret for right hands to Jerry’s head.

The Russian legsweep (not a neckbreaker Gorilla) sets up the middle rope elbow for two but Knobbs gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over. A hard whip sends Bret into the corner as the announcers debate the main event. Off to a reverse chinlock from Sags before Knobbs comes in for the same hold. Jerry comes in for another one as they’re switching in and out very quickly. Brian hooks his second version but Bret gets up and drops Knobbs onto his back for the break.

The referee doesn’t see the tag though and Bret’s punishment continues. Knobbs hits Sags by mistake though and NOW the tag counts. A quick powerslam gets two on Knobbs and everything breaks down. The Nasty Boys collide again and there’s the Hart Attack to Knobbs but Jimmy throws in the helmet, allowing Sags to knock cold, giving Knobbs the pin at 12:10.

Rating: C+. Simple idea here and a good way to get the titles on the Nasty Boys. They may not have been as polished as the Harts but they’re entertaining brawlers who can put on a good enough match to validate holding the titles. This was it for the Harts as they would amicably split (a rare thing in wrestling) and Bret would be in the singles ranks by the end of the summer.

We recap Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts. Last year, Martel had sprayed the snake bag with cologne but hit Jake in the eye as well, blinding him for several months. Jake was still blind until the new year but he kept going after Martel. Tonight it’s a blindfold match with both guys wrestling under a hood.

Jake says a man has five senses but a snake has six: they always do it better in the dark. That’s a sense?

Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts

As the hoods are being put on, Jake sticks his hand underneath his, allowing us to clearly see the hole allowing them to see. So much for the gimmick working here. They can’t find each other for the first minute but Martel trips over Jake. Some stuff on the mat goes nowhere so Martel loads up a backdrop, only to have Jake step to the side. There’s your proof that they can see in case the big hole in the hood wasn’t enough for you.

More “blind” searching ensues and they miss charges. Martel finds him for a slam but misses an elbow drop. We’re almost four minutes into this and there’s been about fifteen seconds of contact. The referee gets cornered in the corner but Martel realizes he’s got a shirt in his hands. Jake starts clapping his hands to get Martel’s attention before circling around to catch him. This gives us another ten seconds of contact as the fans want a DDT. I’d settle for a right hand at this point.

Martel finds the snake bag and backs away right into Jake….who still can’t get his hands on him. The bored Gorilla and Heenan do a not very funny bit where Heenan keeps repeating him until a shoulder knocks Jake to the floor. Heenan: “Excuse me for a second. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!” Rick gets a chair but hits the post by mistake while Jake is sitting in the ring. Roberts pulls him back in but Martel hits a quick backbreaker to set up the Boston crab. That goes nowhere so Jake grabs him for the DDT and the pin at 8:33.

Rating: F-. This is one of the worst matches in wrestling history, let alone just Wrestlemania. They stumbled around for eight minutes and had less than a minute of “action” in the whole thing. Martel never even cheated. There’s a dozen ways to make this work for a heel but they just did it straight (well as straight as you can do when you see Jake’s hand inside the match at the start) and wasted everyone’s time. Awful “match”.

Post match Jake destroys the cologne atomizer and puts Damien on Rick.

Maples is in Jimmy Hart’s team’s locker room for the Nasty Boys’ celebration. Calamity ensues so she throws it back to Gene, meaning Gorilla.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Undertaker

Here we go. Undertaker is completely different than anything else in the company at this point and probably ever as he plays the character perfectly, walking stoically to the ring while Paul Bearer has this disturbing look on his face. Snuka, now with a mustache and goatee, turns his back on Undertaker and gets beaten down, followed by Undertaker just ripping at his face. Jimmy goes to the apron but gets suplexed back inside. The fans are openly cheering for Undertaker here as Snuka’s offense has almost no effect. The tombstone makes Snuka victim #1 at 4:19.

Rating: D. The match was nothing to see and no one had any idea of what this would lead to. Undertaker was clearly a star from the second he walked through the curtain last year at Survivor Series though and he’s still going twenty five years later. Snuka was the designated victim here, which is the role he had been playing for years.

Notice what Heenan said when Undertaker won: “THAT’S JIMMY SUPERFLY SNUKA!” Yes, the same Snuka who has been living on his reputation for years now. That’s one of the most valuable things you can have on a roster. Snuka never has to win another match and his reputation makes beating him mean something. It’s job security for Snuka and a great way to put over someone young and new. Bad match, good booking.

We recap Savage vs. Warrior, which started over the WWF World Title and is now career vs. career.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Before we get going, Heenan spots Elizabeth in the crowd. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Bobby is drooling over Queen Sherri and Savage looks fired up. Warrior actually walks to the ring to really sell how serious this is for everyone. Warrior’s trunks have a picture of the WWF World Title on the back with the words “means more than this” wrapped around it. That’s a nice touch.

Savage gets thrown around to start and it’s time to chill on the floor for a second. Back in and Warrior lifts him up by the throat but he’s still keeping things slow paced. Sherri’s attempt at interference fails and Savage gets tied up in the ropes to continue the beating. Savage finally gets in some offense with a running clothesline as Gorilla compares their careers.

Warrior catches a high cross body in midair but just sets Savage down and slaps him in the face. With nothing else working, Savage throws in a chair but even that doesn’t work as Warrior throws him down again. More stomping has Savage in trouble as we cut to a concerned Elizabeth in the crowd. They’re still in first or second gear and this has been almost all Warrior so far. Savage finally gets smart by avoiding a charge in the corner, sending Warrior crashing down to the floor.

Sherri rakes his back so Warrior casually shoves her down but Savage sends him into the post. A backslide gets two for Savage and he freaks out even more than usual. Warrior runs the ropes and tries a flying shoulder…..while Savage is down on his hands and knees. He deserves to crash and burn as well as the sleeper from Randy. Back up and it’s a double clothesline. This has been a chess match so far and the fans are staying with them every second to make the atmosphere even better.

Sherri’s distraction keeps the referee from seeing a small package and Savage kicks out. Warrior’s shoulder hits the referee by mistake but Sherri comes off the top with a shoe to Savage’s face by mistake. Savage guillotines him across the top rope and drops the top rope elbow. That’s not enough as he goes up top for another one. Savage isn’t done yet as he drops THREE MORE ELBOWS….for two.

Warrior fights up again and hits three straight clotheslines followed by the gorilla press and splash…..for two. Warrior starts talking to his hands and asking if this is his destiny. Savage decks him from behind but his top rope ax handle sends him crashing into the barricade. Randy is out of it so Warrior (“NOW I KNOW!”) throws him back inside for a flying shoulder block, sending him out to the floor again. He does it two more times and Savage is DONE, allowing Warrior to put his foot on the chest for the pin at 20:50.

Rating: A. This was a war and Warrior’s best match by a thousand miles. The crowd hung with them every step of the way here and the drama was amazing. It’s a rare case where words don’t do a match justice and you just need to see it for yourselves. The action is great but it’s the atmosphere that carries the whole thing. This is more than worth seeing if you haven’t caught it before.

Post match Warrior leaves and Sherri explodes on Savage, blaming him for the loss and kicking him when he’s down. Elizabeth jumps the barricade and throws Sherri to the floor as Savage gets up. Savage gets up and turns around…..and is stunned. The referee tells Savage that Sherri was the one beating on him and he has no idea what to do.

Elizabeth opens her arms and Savage hugs her, finally reuniting with his true love who still loved him after he lost everything he had. Savage puts her on his shoulder like he would do in the old days as we see fans crying everywhere. Elizabeth holds the ropes open but he says not this time and holds them open for her for the first time ever, showing that he’s a changed man.

Savage takes one last bow before leaving with the only thing that matters to him. This is one of the most perfect moments to cap off one of the best long term stories the company has ever put together. Also of note: this wasn’t his full on face turn. Savage would do commentary for a few months and was still a heel for a long stretch.

It’s intermission so let’s go to……a debate on instant replay? This is a reference to the NFL debating the issue recently and I have no idea why this is here. Vince moderates the discussion between George Steinbrenner (New York Yankees owner) and Paul Maguire (NFL analyst) over Randy Savage interfering at the Royal Rumble.

Steinbrenner wants the referees fired if they take too much time to make a call and Maguire wants the guys to wrestle. Maguire insults Steinbrenner under his breath and we go to the replay to see if he really did it. The referee are the Bushwhackers (who else?) but they say it’s inconclusive and therefore the play stands. This really, really wasn’t funny and Heenan’s face in his hands sums up the whole thing.

After that, we have a five minute intermission, meaning we just sit around waiting for five minutes. Well it’s better than lame “comedy”.

Gorilla and Heenan preview the rest of the show.

Undertaker measures Regis for a coffin. Regis: “We’re dying out here.”

Demolition, now just Smash and Crush (replacement for Ax) and heels, tells Alex Trebek that only Mr. Fuji (their manager again) has all the answers.

Regis is with Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao, who don’t speak English. He tries Toyota but they think he’s Kathy Lee Gifford.

Jake and Damien freak Trebek out. Damien will have to settle for the home version of Jeopardy. Heenan takes credit for setting the whole thing up.

Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

This is part of a cross promotional deal with Tenryu’s SWS promotion. It’s a brawl to start with Smash and Crush pounding Kitao down to start. Crush drops a top rope ax handle to the ribs as the crowd really isn’t into this as they have no idea who the newcomers are. Heenan thinks Kitao’s first name is Fred as he clotheslines Smash down and makes the tag to Tenryu. Smash rolls away from a backwards top rope elbow and everything breaks down. Kitao breaks up the Decapitator and Tenryu powerbombs Smash for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D-. The crowd was silent here and it’s really not had to see why. Demolition was WAY past their expiration date and this would be their last match as a team before it was off to the singles ranks. This didn’t work as a match though and the Japanese guys would be gone right after this, never to be seen again save for some one off Royal Rumble appearances for Tenryu.

Heenan leaves to manage Mr. Perfect in the next match and will be replaced by Lord Alfred Hayes.

Big Boss Man is ready to take the Intercontinental Title to complete his revenge on Heenan for insulting Boss Man’s mama. Can you blame him for being mad in that case? Boss Man has run through the entire Heenan Family and only Perfect is left. Again: simple, yet effective. Side note: it really is amazing to see how much weight Boss Man has lost in the last two years. He’s probably down 100lbs.

Heenan and Perfect call Boss Man Barney Fife and reference the Rodney King beatings, which had taken place just three weeks earlier.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is challenging and knocks Perfect over the top rope with a single right hand. Back in and he swings Perfect around BY THE HAIR. Freaking ow man! Perfect avoids a charge in the corner but gets whipped so hard that he flips forward in a crash. Boss Man whips him with a belt (the referee is fine with this of course) but Perfect wraps the belt around his fist for a shot to the ribs.

We hit an abdominal stretch on the challenger and Heenan tells the timekeeper to ring the bell. The PerfectPlex is countered into a small package for two but a reverse Hennig neck snap (kind of a running Blockbuster) gets two. Perfect is nice enough to go up top for the dive into the raised boot that was clearly designed as a way for him to dive into a raised boot.

Boss Man crotches him against the post but Perfect whips him hard into the steps to take over again. Heenan gets in some cheap shots….and here’s Andre, who is moving better than he has in years. In the distraction, Perfect takes the turnbuckle pad off but Andre hits him in the head with the title belt. Boss Man makes a slow cover but here are Barbarian and Haku for the DQ at 10:14.

Rating: C+. To this day I have no idea why they didn’t change the title here. Boss Man running through the Heenan Family and winning the title should have written itself but they went with the DQ finish instead for some reason. Andre wouldn’t be back after this but it was nice to see him get to do something fun one last time.

Andre helps Boss Man clean house. Boss Man grabs Andre’s shoulders from behind and Andre looks like he wants to kill him.

Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno (the reason Hulk Hogan got his name. They were on a talk show once and Hogan was said to be bigger than the actor who played the Incredible Hulk) and Henry Winkler (who once played a wrestler) are all here. Fonzie just made the show.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine did a really quick face turn to set this up, despite no one really wanting to see it in the first place. A quick powerslam puts Hammer down but he comes back with some chops in the corner. Heenan, back on commentary, is wondering how Andre could have been here. An elbow to the head staggers Earthquake and a middle rope chop actually puts him down. The Figure Four doesn’t work and it’s the Earthquake Splash for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D. This is another match that could have been cut out to get the time down a little bit. Valentine is an old standard at Wrestlemania but that doesn’t mean he needs to be getting a match this late in the show in 1991. Earthquake has fallen down the card a bit but he’s still fine for a midcard act.

The Legion of Doom (I’m going to assume you’ve heard of them) blames Power and Glory for their lack of Tag Team Titles. After tonight, they’re going to be sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Power and Glory is Hercules and Paul Roma. Hawk clotheslines them down to start and Roma dives into a powerslam. The Doomsday Device puts Roma away in 59 seconds. Well that worked.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Virgil FINALLY had enough of DiBiase treating him like garbage at the Royal Rumble. Roddy Piper, recently injured in a motorcycle accident, has been mentoring and coaching Virgil for the match.

Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

Virgil dances around like a boxer to start and punches DiBiase to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor again but Virgil sends him back inside. They get in again and Virgil takes him to the mat as this is still in first gear. Gorilla and Heenan talk about this being the largest pay per view audience in history (right) as DiBiase chops away in the corner. A piledriver gets two for Ted and a pair of suplexes gets the same. DiBiase remembers that he used to be really evil and shoves Piper down but Piper uses the crutch to low bridge him to the floor to give Virgil a countout win at 7:37.

Rating: D+. This was more of a feel good moment than anything else but it fell really flat with the countout (DiBiase’s third match in a row to end in a countout) instead of DiBiase getting rolled up for a pin. Virgil would pretty much max out here as after this he didn’t have any character and just kind of floated around.

DiBiase beats Virgil down post match and Queen Sherri runs in to become Ted’s new manager. They do a number on Piper’s bad knee but Virgil gets the crutch to make the save. Virgil tells Piper to be a man and get up, just like Piper told him to do multiple times. It’s more bad execution of a good idea.

We look at Sgt. Slaughter and his boss General Adnan (longtime heel manager Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie) burning a Hogan shirt.

Slaughter and Adnan say Hogan is playing by their rules. We look at Slaughter beating up Hogan and Jim Duggan with a chair as part of these new rules. He might just get himself counted out or disqualified to keep the title. They’ve been teasing this idea all night.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Mountie is an evil Canadian mounted policeman played by Jacques Rougeau and managed by Jimmy Hart. Tito scores with an early atomic drop and a right hand but a Jimmy distraction lets Mountie get in his shock stick to Tito’s ribs for the pin at 1:20. Nothing but filler. Gorilla: “That will go in the record books as a victory for the Mountie but not for anyone who viewed it.”

Hogan says he has secret weapons to deal with Slaughter’s ground warfare. He isn’t pleased with Slaughter for beating him down and putting him in the camel clutch. Hogan isn’t the same man he was just a week ago but he’s doing it for AMERICA tonight.

Trebek is guest ring announcer, Maples is guest timekeeper and Regis is on commentary.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is challenging and naturally comes out with the American flag. The champ stalls to start and is content to do so for the first minute and a half. A lockup takes them into the corner and neither can get an advantage. Hulk eventually shoves him down before grabbing a headlock. A shoulder sends Slaughter into the ropes for some of his great selling.

Adnan offers a distraction so Slaughter hits Hogan in the back with a chair for an attempt at a DQ. The referee is fine with the chair but Hogan doesn’t sell it anyway. Slaughter’s thumb to the eye works a bit better but he misses an elbow drop. A forearm to the head gets two for Hulk (how rare is it for him to get a near fall?) and he sends Slaughter chest first into the buckle. Hulk slingshots him into the post and it’s time for some right hands in the corner. This has been almost all Hogan so far.

Hogan actually goes to the middle rope but Slaughter punches him out of the air. That goes nowhere either so Hogan goes all the way to the top (!), only to get slammed right back down. Another chair shot is ignored by the referee so Slaughter chokes with a camera cable. Back in and Slaughter starts in on the back to set up the camel clutch.

First up though is a Boston crab but Hogan is all of three inches away from the ropes. A top rope stomp to the back (that looked dangerous) looks to pin Hogan but Adnan is on the apron for absolutely no logical reason. Try domestic help next time Sarge. There’s a chair to the head and Hulk is busted open, a rare thing at this point. The camel clutch goes on but Slaughter would rather cover him with the Iraqi flag. Of course you know this means war and it’s Hulk Up time. The legdrop gives Hulk the title back at 20:23, making him the first three time WWF World Champion.

Rating: C+. Aside from being the most obvious ending in the world, this was a fine Wrestlemania main event. Hogan winning made sense, even if the Gulf War had been over for about a month at this point. Slaughter was fine for a one off title reign as the turncoat worked well enough. Not a classic or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do.

A lot of posing and flag waving take us out.

Overall Rating: B-. If you cut out about forty five minutes of filler, this becomes a minor classic. The wrestling is actually quite good here with a fun opener, good title matches and a classic in the middle. There’s still too much filler though and it really drags down what is still a fun show. It also has a much more feel good tone to it and the show felt a lot lighter than the previous years. The wrestling helps carry this one and it’s actually a hidden semi-gem.

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C-

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F-

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: F+

2015 Redo: D

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C

2013 Redo: B-

Overall Rating: B-

I’ve always had a soft spot for this show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/14/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-7-wrestlemania-goes-patriotic/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/16/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vii-no-that-isnt-a-tear-in-my-eye/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon

Oh boy has a lot of stuff changed here. First of all, Jesse is gone from the company and is being replaced by a revolving door of replacements. Other than that we’ve got Sgt. Slaughter as an anti-American world champion who needs a REAL AMERICAN to save the title for the country. There’s also a retirement match here between Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior, which might actually be better than Warrior’s title win last year. Oh and there’s this big guy in black that is making his Wrestlemania debut tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Hogan saving AMERICA, which is what the entire show is about. I believe the subtitle of this show is Stars and Stripes Forever, so if you can’t figure out what the ending is going to be, I can’t help you. Keep in mind that this was inspired by the Gulf War….which was already over but who cares about technicalities like that?

Willie Nelson sings America the Beautiful.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is dressed like a drunk Uncle Sam and comes out for commentary for the opening match since Heenan is managing. He gives his thoughts on the main matches too.

The Rockers say they’ll beat the Heenan Family.

Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers

Shawn and Haku get us going with Michaels trying to speed things up, only to be slammed into the corner. The second attempt at flying around works a bit better as a dropkick puts Haku down. The Rockers do some of their double teaming stuff but Barbie takes them down with a big double clothesline. Shawn and Marty double superkick him down though and the Heenan Family has to regroup a bit.

We get down to Marty vs. Barbarian again and speed takes over one more time. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Jannetty but Barbarian punches the mat. A rana takes Barbarian down and Marty pounds away for two. Off to Haku and a double headbutt puts Marty down again. Jannetty loads up another rana but the foreigners hit a double hot shot onto the top rope to really take over this time.

A gorilla press plants Jannetty and it’s time for more heel double teaming. Marty comes back with something like a cross body for two but the speed continues to get beaten down. By speed I mean the drug of the day for Jannetty of course. Back to Barbarian for a bearhug followed by a powerslam so wicked that the fans pop for it. The falling headbutt misses though and it’s hot tag time to Shawn. Things really do speed up now but Shawn gets kicked in the face to slow him down. That goes nowhere for the villains though and it’s a Michaels cross body off the top for the pin on Haku.

Rating: B. Just a fast paced tag team match here with power vs. speed. This is one of those formulas that works no matter how many times you do it as long as you have talented guys in there. The future Faces of Fear were fine as monsters for the Rockers to conquer and it set a good pace for the show here. Solid opening match.

Gene is with Marla Maples (not really famous), Alex Trebek and Regis Philbin, our celebrities for tonight. Regis is scared of Earthquake, Trebek tries to make Jeopardy jokes, and Marla is still not famous. Apparently she was married to Donald Trump. Ok then.

Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado

Von Erich popped into the company around Summerslam, won the IC Title from Perfect, lost it and was immediately a jobber to the stars until he went back to Texas. It’s a fast brawl to start but Bravo avoids the claw. Heenan is on commentary now. Von Erich runs into a boot in the corner and Dino takes over for a bit. The side suplex puts Tornado down for two and that’s about it for Bravo. A few seconds later it’s Claw and Tornado Punch for the pin on Bravo.

Rating: D. Nothing at all to see here and it’s a match that easily could have been cut. This was Bravo’s last televised match before he left the company for good a year or so later. Afterwords he would soon be murdered in an illegal cigarette smuggling operation in Canada. Now there’s a story that you can’t make up.

Warlord and Slick are ready for Davey Boy.

Bulldog talks to Winston (his new dog) and says there’s no bull in this bulldog.

Davey Boy Smith vs. Warlord

This is about whether or not Davey can break the full nelson. We start with our standard power stuff as they ram into each other a few times, only to have Bulldog knock Warlord out to the floor. A crucifix doesn’t work for Bulldog so Warlord drops some elbows for no cover. We hit the bearhug but Bulldog punches out, only to get caught in a hot shot to keep him on the mat.

A BIG belly to belly (kind of) puts Bulldog down but again Warlord won’t cover. We hit the chinlock until Bulldog fights up and hits a dropkick to send Warlord into the corner. Punches in said corner can’t drop Warlord but a cross body is finally enough to get him off his feet. Warlord counters a piledriver but Bulldog counters the counter into a sunset flip for two. Bulldog misses a charge into the corner and Warlord hooks the full nelson. It looks like all hope is lost but the fingers aren’t locked. Bulldog finally flips out of it and hooks the powerslam out of nowhere for the win.

Rating: C+. This would be filed under the category of “shocking the world” as it was actually a pretty solid match. Bulldog would get a lot better all of a sudden while Warlord would fall further down the card than he already was. This was way better than I was expecting and it turned into a pretty decent power match.

Jimmy Hart and hits Nasty Boys are ready to take the tag titles from the Harts.

The Harts say good luck cracking the Foundation.

Tag Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Nastys got got hot in WCW in 1990, weren’t signed to contracts, and debuted in the WWF in late 1990/early 1991. They won a tag team battle royal for this shot they’re getting here. Jerry and Bret start things off and it’s a quick Thesz Press to take Sags down. Brian gets knocked off the apron by the Hitman and Sags gets tripped down to the mat. No Sharpshooter yet though as Bret stomps the midsection instead.

Off to Anvil who starts powering Knobs around and pounds away in the corner. After being knocked to the floor, Brian comes right back in and is immediately caught in an armbar. The Nastys double team Neidhart in their corner to FINALLY take over, but a mat slam is enough to let Neidhart tag Bret back in. Hart tries to fight off both of the Boys, only to get decked from behind by Knobs.

Bret is sent out to the floor where he may have hurt his knee. Back inside Jerry whips him into the corner as we hit the heat section of the match. Sags hooks a reverse chinlock before Knobs comes in to do exactly the same. Back to Jerry for a neckbreaker for two and Brian breaks up a hot tag attempt. Hart breaks up a reverse chinlock by Knobs and now it’s Jerry to break up another hot tag.

Brian misses a splash in the corner and Bret makes the tag but, say it with me, the referee doesn’t see it. We get heel miscommunication and NOW we get a tag to Anvil. Jim cleans house and hits a quick powerslam for two on Knobs as everything breaks down. Jimmy Hart gets decked by Bret and there’s a Hart Attack for Knobs. The referee tries to get Bret out and Sags decks Bret with Jimmy’s helmet, giving the Nastys the titles.

Rating: B-. Another solid tag match here as the division was getting very hot all of a sudden. The Harts would quietly split up after this with Bret moving into the IC Title picture soon thereafter. The Nastys would hold the titles over the summer before dropping them to the monsters known as the LOD at Summerslam.

Jimmy Hart’s near panic attack over winning the belts is hilarious stuff.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel. Back in October, Roberts and Martel were on the Brother Love Show where Martel tried to spray his cologne on Damien’s bag, only to hit Jake’s eyes by mistake. Jake was basically blind for a few months, leading to the following blindfold match. These have never been good in the history of wrestling and I don’t expect it to be here.

Jake says snakes always do it better in the dark.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

In short, they’re both in hoods and neither guy can see. So the match starts and both guys point across the ring while trying to find where the other is. Martel gets down on the mat and crawls around, only to give us some stupid comedy spots with both guys tripping over the other. Rick tries a backdrop but Jake runs off to the side, showing that he can clearly see if you’re thinking about this.

They miss each other in the corner a few times until Martel finally grabs him for a slam, only to miss an elbow drop. Martel gets the referee in the corner, only to realize he’s grabbing a shirt. Jake uses the crowd for help by pointing and listening to the crowd cheer as he points at Martel. This continues on for awhile until Martel nearly grabs the snake bag.

The announcers continue a running joke where they can’t hear each other which isn’t funny. Jake gets knocked to the floor so Martel follows. He grabs a chair and pokes around with it but only hits the post. Back in and Martel takes Jake down and hooks the Boston Crab, only to have it broken quickly. Roberts grabs the DDT a second later for the pin.

Rating: F. This wasn’t wrestling. It was a stupid idea with both guys wandering around and making no contact for about seven and a half minutes before both guys hit their finishers. Thankfully this feud was done after this as I don’t think the fans could stand any more of it. Oh and on top of that, Martel didn’t cheat once by looking under the mask. Nice heel work there.

The Nasty Boys celebrate in the back and disgust Marla Maples.

Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker

For those of you reading this now, we’re currently at 20-0 and it all begins here. Taker slugs him around and rams Snuka head first into the corner a few times. The big jumping clothesline takes Snuka down and there’s a quick smother by Taker. Jimmy charges into a knee in the corner and gets slammed down, only for an elbow drop to miss. Snuka chops away but misses a dive and falls to the floor. The Tombstone ends this a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. The match is just a squash but it’s far more historic than anything else. Undertaker would go on to become the true Mr. Wrestlemania, never losing a single match in the entirety of his career there up to the point this is being written (2013). Snuka would fade from view soon after this.

We recap Savage vs. Warrior. Savage attacked then WWF Champion Ultimate Warrior on Saturday Night’s Main Event because he wanted a title match. Queen Sherri then got on her knees in front of Warrior at the Rumble, only to be turned down again. Savage cost Warrior the title later in the night, setting up a career ending match here tonight.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Before the match, Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth sitting in the crowd. Warrior only walks to the ring with a coat on instead of his usual sprint to the ring. His trunks have the WWF Title belt on the back with the words “Means much more than this”. The fans HATE Savage here while Warrior gets some great pops. They lock up to start with Warrior easily shoving Randy down a few times. A shoulder does nothing for Savage so he heads to the outside.

Back in and a clothesline puts Savage down and there’s an overhand choke. An atomic drop has Savage in trouble again and there’s a big atomic drop for good measure. Sherri tries to interfere and is immediately knocked to the outside again. Savage gets tied up in the ropes and Warrior pounds away as this is completely one sided so far. Savage finally comes back with a clothesline but he dives off the top into a slam position, but Warrior puts him down on his feet with no slam. Now THAT is a mind game.

Macho King goes to the floor and grabs a chair which is nothing more than a distraction so that he can jump Warrior. That goes as well as anything else has for him so far with Warrior pounding away at Savage’s head. Warrior stomps away in the corner as Heenan says you couldn’t sneak a midget into the building. Savage falls out of the corner to avoid a charge, sending Warrior out to the floor. Sherri adds a slap to the face and there’s the top rope ax handle.

Warrior gets posted and Sherri gets in a few more shots for good measure. We’re told that this is the largest PPV audience in the history of pay per view. Since there’s no way to know that for months, I don’t think this is the case. Warrior absorbs some slams and pops up to stare Savage down. A Sherri distraction doesn’t work at all and Warrior runs the ropes, only to be slammed face first down into the mat for two.

We hit the chinlock/sleeper for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Sherri tries to interfere again but the referee is taken down in the process. AGAIN the Queen interferes but accidentally takes Savage out by mistake. Warrior goes after her but gets caught in a rollup for two. Heenan is panicking over this stuff. Savage clotheslines him down and hits the flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, which gets a two count in total. To say Savage is in shock is the understatement of the year.

Warrior starts shaking the ropes and hits the war path around the ring before clotheslining Savage half to death. The gorilla press and splash only get two and Warrior talks to his hands, asking if it’s time for him to step aside. With Warrior on the apron, Savage decks him down to the floor as the crowd continues to be on the edges of their seats.

Savage loads up the ax handle to the barricade but Warrior hits him coming down, sending Randy crashing into the barricade. Back in and Savage can barely stand so Warrior hits two tackles to send Savage out to the floor both times. A third hits and Savage is DONE. Warrior puts his foot on the chest to end Savage’s career.

Rating: A. After watching both this and Wrestlemania 6 in about three days, there is zero question as to which is the better match. This was a pair of titans colliding and one man clearly was better. That’s one of the formulas that never fails if worked even mostly right and they NAILED IT here. This is by far and away Warrior’s best match ever, but the best part is yet to come.

Post match Sherri gets in the ring and beats the tar out of Savage who is defenseless and can’t see who it is. Elizabeth shocks everyone by jumping the guardrail and throwing Sherri to the floor in the only time I can ever remember her getting physical. Savage gets up and is SHOCKED to see Liz, who hadn’t been seen in about a year. Liz says it was Sherri attacking Savage who has no idea what to do.

Liz holds out her arms and after a few moments, Savage hugs her to one of the biggest ovations you will ever hear. Savage puts Liz on his shoulder before the go to leave. As is their custom, Liz holds the ropes for him but Savage says not this time, and holds the ropes open for her. Savage gets to take a bow in the middle of the ring and the fans are thrilled. This is the only, repeat ONLY, moment in wrestling that legitimately brings a tear to my eye every time I watch it. I think that’s the case for a lot of fans.

Regis Philbin is measured for a coffin by Undertaker. Regis: “We’re dying out here.”

Demolition is with Alex Trebek who annoys them with stupid Jeopardy talk. It’s Smash and Crush at this point, managed by Mr. Fuji again.

Regis talks to Tenryu and Kitao who are here for one night only. They don’t speak English so we get some racially insensitive attempts at communication.

Jake Roberts and Damien torment Trebek a bit. This is why intermission getting cut out was a good idea.

Demolition vs. Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao

Now this is one of those out of nowhere matches. Demolition is on their very last toes of their very last legs here as they’ve even got Mr. Fuji again. Tenryu is a Japanese legend and Kitao is a big time sumo guy who became a pro and didn’t do much. Kitao and Crush start things off but everything breaks down quickly. Fuji whacks Kitao in the back and Demolition takes over again. Gorilla asks what it takes to become a grand champion of sumo. Brain: “Being able to eat 1100 bowls of rice in an hour with a single chopstick.”

Crush slams Kitao down and it’s off to Smash. Kitao finally comes out of the corner with a clothesline and it’s off to Tenryu. He speeds things up in a hurry but misses a top rope back elbow. Crush hits a backbreaker to put Tenryu down but Kitao breaks up the Decapitator. He breaks it up again and Tenryu hits a fast enziguri and powerbomb for the pin on Smash.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here and I have no idea what the point of this match was. It’s the final match for Demolition and on top of that, THIS is how you use Tenryu, a legitimate Japanese legend? The match was less than five minutes long and this is the only time I know of that Tenryu appeared for the company in a regular match for nearly two years. My guess would be this is part of the working agreement with Tenryu’s SWS.

Boss Man says Heenan and his Family has nowhere else to hide tonight.

Mr. Perfect and Heenan say about what you would expect them to say about Big Boss Man.

Intercontinental Title: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Perfect is defending. This is an interesting yet simple idea for a story: Heenan had insulted Boss Man’s mama so Boss Man swore revenge. He went after the Heenan Family and beat every single one of them until there was only Perfect left. Tonight is the final showdown. They spit at each other to start and Perfect slaps Boss Man like a schmuck. Boss Man hits him once to knock Perfect out to the floor and there’s a spin around BY THE HAIR. FREAKING OW MAN!

Boss Man speeds around the corner and hits a big clothesline to take Hennig down. Perfect gets tossed out to the floor and Boss Man is standing tall. Back in and Boss Man hits the running crotch attack to Perfect’s back and whips him with a belt for good measure. Perfect finally avoids a shot and takes Boss Man down with some kicks to the ribs. Off to a chinlock with a knee in the back followed by an abdominal stretch. There’s the Hennig neck snap for two and Mr. goes up, only to jump into a boot.

Perfect gets to do his reverse crotching into the post but as they go to the floor, Boss Man is whipped into the steps to take him down again. Since it was a Heenan distraction that caused the whip into the steps, here’s Andre the Giant to counter the weasel. Andre picks up the belt and takes way too long to get to his position, from which he whacks Perfect in the head to knock him out cold. Boss Man covers but Haku and Barbarian run in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This wasn’t great and I have no idea why they didn’t change the title. The story set it up to be a title change, but I guess they were hoping for something else besides this. What that was I have no idea as Boss Man would never come close to the title again. The match was decent enough all things considered though.

Boss Man and Andre clean house post match.

Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno and Henry Winkler are here. Yep, the Fonz showed up at Wrestlemania.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine turned face a few months ago and this is his big match for the forces of good. We’re 20 seconds in and Valentine is getting powerslammed down for two. A splash misses in the corner and Valentine gets him down to one knee. Quake breaks the Figure Four twice, hits a big elbow and drops the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: F+. Earthquake was pretty much done as a singles guy at this point but I’m assuming he got some shots at Hogan on house shows over the summer. Other than that though this was a filler match that didn’t need to be on the card at all. Nothing to see here but at least Quake looked dominant.

The LOD says Power and Glory will be sour and gory after the match.

Power and Glory vs. Legion of Doom

Hercules is sent to the floor and it’s a Doomsday Device to end Roma in less than a minute. They were clearly coming for the belts very soon.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Basically Virgil spent years serving DiBiase and FINALLY snapped on him at the Royal Rumble, setting up this match tonight. Roddy Piper is Virgil’s mentor here too.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Virgil gets one of the three big pops of his entire career here, with the first being when he finally hit DiBiase with the belt. The other will be in less than ten minutes. Virgil pounds away to start and sends Ted out to the floor. Back in and Ted hits a clothesline but an elbow misses a second later. DiBiase, the wrestler, easily takes Virgil down and hits a suplex for two. Things are REALLY slow now compared to just a few moments before. We head to the floor for a bit with DiBiase shoving down Piper, who was on crutches at this point. DiBiase talks some trash so Piper pulls the top rope down but the distraction is enough for a countout.

Rating: D. This was all story but it really should have been Virgil pinning DiBiase, even on a rollup. These two would continue to feud with Virgil actually taking the Million Dollar Title at Summerslam 1991. The problem with Virgil was that after the DiBiase feud, there was nothing for him to do at all. The match was really dull and didn’t have the payoff it needed at the end.

DiBiase puts Virgil in the Million Dollar Dream post match but Piper hits him with the crutch to break it up. Queen Sherri comes out to help with a beatdown of Piper, as she is now managing DiBiase. Referees come out to break it up until Virgil makes the save. Virgil tells Piper to get up, as Piper had told him over the last few months.

We get a clip of Slaughter and General Adnan burning a Hogan t-shirt.

Slaughter threatens to get himself disqualified to keep the title. We get a clip of Slaughter beating up Hogan and Duggan as Slaughter laughs evily.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Tito chases him around to start and beats him up a bit, only to get caught in the ribs with Mountie’s shock stick, ending this in less than 90 seconds.

Hogan gives his prematch interview, talking about how much he loves AMERICA and how he’s got new weapons. We get a clip of Slaughter and Adnan beating Hogan down but he promises to do it for his country.

Here are the celebrities: Regis is on commentary, Marla Maples is the timekeeper and Alex Trebek is ring announcer.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan immediately chases Slaughter around the ring until Adnan is put on the floor. Feeling out process to start with both guys going into the corner. Hulk hooks a headlock to no avail but sends Slaughter backwards with a shoulder block. The champ hits one of the weakest chair shots you’ll ever see to Hogan’s back and pokes Hulk in the eye to finally take over. Hogan comes back with a clothesline and decks Adnan for fun too. A backdrop puts Slaughter down and Hulk sends him into the post.

Hogan hits a jumping knee to the back to send Slaughter into the corner and a slingshot sends Slaughter into the buckle again. Hogan gets in his ten punches in the corner for two but goes to the middle rope of all places, but Adnan breaks it up. Slaughter gets slammed down and Hulk drops a bunch of elbows. Now Hogan goes up top (!) but gets slammed to the mat and clotheslined to the floor. A better but still lame chair shot puts Hogan down again and it’s time to work on the back.

A backbreaker gets two for the champion and he stomps away on Hulk’s back. There’s a Boston Crab but Hulk is right next to the rope, making this pretty worthless. Another backbreaker gets two and it’s a third chair shot, this time to the head, gets two more. Hulk is cut over the eye. There’s Slaughter’s Camel Clutch but Hulk fights up, only to be rammed into the corner to send him right back down. Slaughter puts an Iraqi flag on Hogan and you know what’s coming now. A Hulk Up, big boot and leg drop later and AMERICA REIGNS AGAIN!

Rating: C. At the end of the day, if you didn’t know what was going to happen here then you’re either very young or have no idea how wrestling works. On top of the story, it’s Hogan in a match against a big man. What else could you possibly expect? Hogan winning is the 100% right decision and the match certainly isn’t bad. Slaughter was clearly a short term champion and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Decent stuff here and a feel good moment to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Oddly enough, this wasn’t too bad. There’s some lame stuff but for the most part it’s very short with only Jake vs. Martel being both bad and longer than five minutes. Other than that you get a very fun opener, a masterpiece in the retirement match, a feel good main event and some other solid stuff. If you shave off about half an hour of this, which could easily be done by dropping about three matches, this show goes WAY up in value. Still though, it’s worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in a long time.

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B

Redo: B

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F

Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F

Redo: F

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

Redo: A

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)

Redo: D+

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

Redo: C

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A

Redo: F+

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-

Redo: D

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+

Redo: C

Overall Rating

Original: C

Redo: B-

These things need to be different already.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/14/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-7-wrestlemania-goes-patriotic/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania 7
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan
America The Beautiful: Willie Nelson

Now this was a most interesting show and one that I’ve always liked for some reason. The theme for this show was Stars and Stripes in light of the Gulf War. At the Royal Rumble, Sergeant Slaughter had won the WWF Title with the help of the Macho Man by beating the Ultimate Warrior.

Slaughter was an Iraqi sympathizer and therefore, the epitome of evil at the time. It was clear that a Real American would have to rise up to confront him and take the title back. Fortunately, the WWF had the realest of all Real Americans in Mr. Hulk Hogan.

Your other big match was the previously mentioned Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage. These two would meet on this show in a career ending match. There’s also Mr. Perfect vs. Big Bossman for the IC belt and the Nasty Boys vs. The Harts for the tag belts.

We see the Rockers talking about how the Rockers are going to beat their opponents which is about the same interview that they did for their entire time in the WWF. This is close to the end of the Rockers’ run which mainly is because you can really see the star in Shawn begging to be let out.

The Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Due to Heenan managing the heels, we get Hacksaw Jim Duggan on commentary. Duggan is dressed like Uncle Sam which works fine for him. After running down the two main matches for a bit it’s time to set started. Shawn vs. Haku opens us up here. It’s your basic power vs. speed match to start which means it’s solid all things considered.

Everyone is in maybe 90 seconds in though and we get to an interesting part: the Rockers hit a double superkick to both guys, and the heels are up in maybe 4 seconds. In other words, Sweet Chin Music did nothing at all. Was it a technique thing that made them better later on? I’ve never gotten that. Off to Barbarian vs. Marty now which sounds painfully bad.

Sunset flip doesn’t work for Marty but Barbarian punches mat instead. The Rockers were rather awesome at this point which is always cool to see. Now we get to the majority of the match as Marty plays….well Marty, taking a BIG beating from the monsters. It amazes me how these guys could have the same formula so often and make it work so many times (and yes I know the Expresses did it first).

We get the bearhug as Marty is reeling. Granted it might be that he’s stoned or drunk but we have no evidence thereof. Granted it’s Marty so him being sober would be most odd indeed. Did Barbarian ever not have steady work? Marty manages to get free but misses a second rope cross body and is caught in a SLICK powerslam to crush him for no cover.

Barbarian misses a top rope headbutt though and amazingly his Samoan head is actually hurt. It does the needed job though as here comes Shawn off the hot tag. Shawn manages to fight off both guys for far longer than you would expect him to. A thumb in the eye doesn’t get Haku anywhere as Shawn gets a sunset flip for two.

Everyone comes in again and the Rockers wake up with double teams all around. They unleash the high stuff (remember it’s Marty out there) and a cross body from Shawn gets the win. Very fun match here and it worked rather well. Duggan leaves since Heenan is going to take over on commentary now.

Rating: B. This was the perfect opener. There’s not much of importance here and that works well. You don’t want your fans to get emotionally invested in the first match and get them worn out in the early going. This match was fun, fast paced, and not too serious. Perfect choice for the opener. On a side note, this makes Shawn 1-2 at WM.

We see Alex Trebek, Regis Philbin and some ugly woman who are the celebrities for WM 7. Seriously, Alex Trebek? Regis I can understand, but this is the best you can do, in Los Angeles? That can’t be a good thing. They really have nothing to say of note.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

This should be interesting. Power vs. power here so it’s likely not going to be that good. Bravo uses the absolute worst atomic drop I’ve ever seen. He just drops Tornado and it’s very sad indeed. Bravo hits his finisher and no one really is surprised when Tornado kicks out.

This is one of those matches that is on there for the purposes of filling in the card and everyone knows it. Bravo is LONG past his point of usefulness and Von Erich just never clicked in this company past a hot debut period. This is nothing at all and it knows it’s nothing at all.

Tornado locks in his Claw Hold and after about ten seconds the announcers acknowledge it. He then hits the spinning punch of death to pin Bravo as there’s literally no commentary for about 10 more seconds. They really didn’t care and neither do I.

Rating: F. When Gorilla Monsoon, the man that likely cared as much about the WWF than anyone else has nothing to say, you know it sucks.

Slick and Warlord babble about beating up the British Bulldog

British Bulldog and his dog Winston say they can beat the Warlord. You know, if Davey hadn’t had that stupid mascot, he could have been legendary. Everything about him just screams GIVE ME THE TITLE! At least in this interview it does.

Warlord vs. British Bulldog

Warlord has that sweet half mask at this point. The Bulldog hails from Leeds. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Power vs. Power again here, but I’m not as worried as I was about the last one. Considering this is Stars and Stripes Wrestlemania, the Bulldog’s pops are insane. Heck those would be great pops anywhere.

He had the look, the talent, the moves, the fan support, everything he needed to be a mega star. What that never happened is beyond me, but I think it wore yellow and red. I’m really not wild on having back to back power vs. power matches but this is definitely an upgrade. Davey runs through Warlord to start us off here and sends him to the floor with some shoulder blocks.

Crucifix doesn’t work as Warlord counters into a Samoan Drop for no cover. Gorilla and Heenan are stealing the show. Heenan: “I was knighted by Queen Elizabeth you know.” Gorilla: “You keep this up I’ll have you crowned as well.” We get the loudest pop for a bearhug that I’ve EVER heard as this crowd is really quite hot. Total slugout here for the most part but it’s working.

Warlord gets a belly to belly out of nowhere to take Bulldog down and the crowd will not stop cheering. This is rather impressive. Warlord wastes time like the idiot that he is but for once it doesn’t cost him. On to the weakest chinlock I can remember in a very long time to waste some more time. Smith fights up and hits a VERY good dropkick to take over.

It amazes me how versatile he was at this time and wouldn’t get his big push for over a year and a half. Granted some of that was due to Flair showing up and changing the whole thing which can’t be blamed on Vince. Piledriver attempt by Davey is blocked into a backdrop into a sunset flip for two.

There’s the full nelson from Warlord out of nowhere and Davey is in trouble. He can’t lock in the fingers though so there’s a chance for escape for our hero. The fingers aren’t locked and Davey is able to bust out of it in a surprise which hadn’t been done before I don’t think. A second later, Davey picks Warlord up and walks around with him for a bit and DRILLS him with the powerslam to end it. This was a miracle.

Rating: B-. I liked it. Bulldog is completely carrying this match though and it’s clear who the top talent here is. By far and away Warlord’s best match ever and something that I probably have overrated. It’s awesome for some reason though and I think a lot of it is due to the crowd being WAY into this. Very fun match indeed.

Jimmy Hart and the most overrated tag team I’ve ever seen, the Nasty Boys, are going to take the tag titles by cracking the foundation. The Harts disagree. Neidhart is pretty good on the mic, but Hitman is clearly the star here. This was at the very end of their run as a tag team and Bret is like Shawn at this point: ready and just waiting to be told to go for it.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

For God knows why, Jimmy Hart is wearing a motorcycle helmet. Bret and Sags start us off here. Bret manages to beat up both guys on his own as you can see the singles push dripping and ready to come out. Anvil vs. Knobbs now. Who named these two guys? The Nasty Boys I mean. Anvil hammers away and Brian is in big trouble early on.

Both Harts have managed to clear the ring on their own which is always a cool thing to see. Back off to Bret again as it’s ALL Harts for about the first five minutes or so. Bret takes a clothesline though to send him to the floor. Anvil chases Jimmy and let’s talk about Hogan. To the shock of absolutely no one, Bret gets beaten on for the vast majority of the time he’s in, as is his custom.

Heenan tries to imitate Gorilla’s commentary when he gets all technical about body parts in a funny but too short bit. Sags gets a chinlock on Bret and cranks on it which gets him nowhere again. Knobbs plays Monkey See Monkey Do as he locks in the same move which gets him nowhere either.

Neckbreaker gets two for Sags as it’s so cute to see him try to wrestle out there. He REALLY likes that chinlock as we see it again. Now Knobbs try it again. They’ve probably spent 3-4 minutes on that freaking chinlock over and over again. We get the oldest and one of the best tag moves in the books as Anvil gets the tag but it isn’t seen.

Heel miscommunication sets up the REAL hot tag and Neidhart cleans house. The Harts were awesome as a team and it’s a shame they’re not credited more than they are. I know they’re considered great but you don’t hear them talked about much anymore, or at least not enough for my liking.

Everything breaks down one more time and it’s a Hart Attack for Knobbs. And there comes the infamous Megaphone as Anvil is getting rid of Sags. Knobbs gets the pin on Bret to steal the titles. Jimmy’s near orgasm where he rolls all over the ground and kicks his feet and kisses the title is pretty hilarious stuff.

Rating: C-. They were trying, but you can’t sell the Nastys going over the Harts to me no matter what. I think this was their last time teaming together as well as Bret went for singles competition after this. The Nastys held the titles over the Summer before losing them at Summerslam to the LOD in their first title reign. Not terrible but the Nastys have never done it for me at all.

We recap Roberts vs. Martel. Now this match is 90% backstory. Jake Roberts was on the Brother Love Show and for some reason that was never explained, Rick Martel came out and sprayed Jake’s bag with Arrogance, his cologne that he carried everywhere with him and when Jake went to stop him, Jake got hit in the eye with it, allegedly blinding him.

I’ve always assumed Jake had an injury or something because he was out nearly 8 months over this. He finally came back to feud with Martel, and this was the match in which he would get his revenge. To play up on the blindness, both men’s heads have hoods over them from which they allegedly couldn’t see. This was voted worst match of the year I believe and I think I know why.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Remember, neither guy can allegedly see here. Jake looks somewhat drunk here. Let the stupidity begin as the crowd has to tell them where the other guy is. No contact a minute in. Their feet touch a bit and Martel falls over Jake as we’re in a glorified comedy match. We get proof they can see as Martel sets for a backdrop and Jake runs around him. In a kayfabe sense, why would ANYONE do that?

They back into each other and then charge and miss each other. This is so painfully stupid I can’t imagine what the person that came up with it was on. Must have been a bondage enthusiast. Martel gets a slam as the biggest move of the first three and a half minutes then misses an elbow. Heenan starts repeating Monsoon in a funny bit.

Martel finds the referee twice in a row which gets him nowhere of course. Jake does a thing where he runs his finger around the ring and the crowd cheers when he points at Martel. Now he’s clapping. How are we five minutes into this already? Heenan: why doesn’t Martel peak? Gorilla: that’s cheating! Heenan: so what??? That’s an excellent point actually.

Apparently the snake now weighs 500lbs according to Heenan. The fans chant DDT. I think they want the pesticide to kill themselves. It must be a better treatment than having to watch this. Martel runs into the bag in the corner and we STILL have had a total of maybe 20 seconds of contact in over six minutes of the match. I can’t refer to it as wrestling or action as it has been neither.

Jake gets a headlock and is sent to the floor off a counter. Heenan: HEY MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR! Martel, like an idiot, goes to the floor and grabs a chair which he pokes around with. He swings the chair at a post and hurts his hand. They finally find each other, I think out of boredom. Boston Crab goes on and Jake is in trouble. Never mind as he kicks him off and gets the DDT to finally end this mess.

Rating: F. What they were thinking here I don’t have a clue, but this was just a terrible match. The fans were into it for some reason but for almost 10 minutes they do nothing but hunt for each other or land a punch or two here and there. Just a complete waste of time.

That woman from earlier is in the locker room as the Nastys celebrate. What is the point of this again?

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

And so it began. You know where this goes. No promos or anything as Taker was just squashing people at this point. We start with a LONG staredown and again no contact. Bearer is as freaky looking as ever. Taker drills Snuka and we’re finally getting going here. The jumping clothesline takes Snuka down and it’s one sided already.

Heenan tries to figure out the Urn which hasn’t been done in nearly 20 years so far but whatever. Gorilla says people with white coats and a net are coming after Bearer. That would be after his son actually but who’s counting? Snuka comes back with pure jobber offense that gets him a grand total of nowhere. He hotshots himself to the floor though and that should just about do it. Taker catches a springboard cross body and the Tombstone kills Jimmy with ease.

Rating: D+. This is mostly for historical significance as the match itself is nothing. It’s a squash and a fairly bad one at that. However, no one at the time knew what would come from this. Truly a piece of wrestling history and you have to wonder if anyone could have dreamed that this would be the first in a streak that got Taker what, three or four world titles at Mania? Remarkable.

We see a video package highlighting the events leading up to the Career Ending Match between Macho Man and Ultimate Warrior. Back when Warrior was champion, Macho Man wanted a title shot and he attacked Warrior to get one. Sherri, in one of the most sexually dripping promos of all time, literally gets on her knees and begs Warrior for a title shot. He says no.

At the 91 Rumble, Warrior defended against Sgt. Slaughter. Sherri came out and got Warrior to chase her, allowing Savage to beat him up. Warrior winds up coming back and almost winning, but here comes Sherri again. He reaches to grab her and Savage pops up and blasts him in the head with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow and pin him for the title. That brings us here.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

If WM 6 was Warrior’s greatest match, this is his second greatest. Before the match though, Bobby Heenan sees none other than Miss Elizabeth sitting in the front row. She hadn’t been seen in the WWF in nearly a year at this point so this was very surprising. Amazingly enough, Heenan can spot her from at least 50 yards away, when the camera can barely recognize her 10 feet away. You have to love kayfabe.

Warrior walks to the ring which freaks everyone out. I’ve seen this match a few dozen times and it still works every single time. This feels totally epic which is exactly the idea. Warrior has the belt on the back of his tights which he never would win again. Feeling out process to start as of course Warrior has the power advantage.

Warrior overpowers him to start and controls early on, much like Hogan did to Savage two years ago. In case I forgot this is a career ending match. How in the world did I forget to say that? Sherri comes in so Warrior throws Savage at her to send her back to the floor. We hit the floor where Savage tries to play mind games by throwing in a chair. That gets him nowhere.

All Warrior so far but it’s incredibly early so it means nothing at all. Savage finally gets Warrior to make a mistake and Warrior is sent to the floor. Sherri keeps interfering but thankfully they don’t throw the match out because of it. This is the largest PPV audience ever which is laughable to think they could know that halfway through the show but whatever.

Warrior cranks it up again and then does something very odd (I’m shocked too). With Savage down on one knee and with his head down, Warrior goes for a flying tackle which more or less looks like a flying headbutt because Savage is still down. It was just weird looking and I have no idea what he was thinking at all. Anyway it lets Savage take over.

Double clothesline puts both guys down though. And now we pause to look at Sherri’s rather nice figure. In a nice nod to Mania 3, Savage gets rolled up off a slam but there’s no referee due to Sherri. There goes said referee so it’s a free for all now. Sherri takes off the shoe and goes up but it hits Savage in the head by mistake.

Savage gets a rollup for two as Heenan says he can’t even talk anymore which Gorilla doesn’t even reply to. You can tell he’s into this. We now hit one of the more famous parts of the match as Savage goes up and hits FIVE elbow drops from the top when I think only Hogan and George Steele (yes that George Steele) had ever kicked out of one.

The reaction from Heenan to the kick out is absolutely excellent. Savage is SHOCKED. Warrior Hulks Up and hits four or five clotheslines to take Savage down. Gorilla Press and splash only get two though and now Warrior is SHOCKED. Warrior looks up into the sky to ask “his gods” about whether it’s his time to leave and he walks out.

Savage jumps him instead and brings him back and we go on. Warrior is draped across the barricade but Savage misses and is more or less dead on his feet. Warrior throws his body back in and hits a bunch of BIG shoulder blocks with Savage selling like no one else could, making himself look like a rag doll. He hits the floor three times and is just dead. Warrior puts his foot on the chest and is triumphant. That’s the basis for KB vs. Sabre for you OCW fans.

Rating: A+. Combining the post match stuff with the match, this is easily the best segment to date in Wrestlemania history and is easily one of the best of all time. It’s a shame it’s almost forgotten today due to Vince’s vendettas against both guys. This is an absolute classic and DEFINITELY the best Mania match in a very long time. I’d put it maybe in the top five Mania matches in the WWF Era and easily top ten ever at this show. Great match and absolutely worth seeing.

The real memory of this match comes afterwards though in what is likely considered the most emotional moment in WWF history. Savage is still out cold in the ring and Sherri comes in and freaks out on him, saying that he ended her career too. Both commentators are saying to give him a break and that no one else, not even Hogan could have taken this kind of a beating and survived.

Sherri starts to kick him with her high heels when Savage couldn’t hold off a toddler at this point. With her beating Savage up, Miss Elizabeth jumps the guard rail and for the first time ever, attacks someone by throwing Sherri out of the ring as the crowd is stunned to see her. Savage tries to get up but doesn’t know who was beating on him. He turns to see Liz and almost falls to the ground again in shock.

The referee tells him it was Sherri kicking him and he’s even more confused. Liz opens her arms and after a few moments Savage hugs her as the crowd absolutely loses it. Savage puts her on his shoulders and there is nothing but cheering and crying from the crowd. Heenan is beside himself at “this sickening display.”

Finally they’re ready to leave and in the ultimate display of his love, Savage refuses to let Liz hold the ropes open for him as she did for years and instead holds them open for her, truly showing he’s a changed man. This is probably the best emotional moment ever at this point and still holds up to this day. Incredible stuff and again, definitely something worth seeing.

We go from one of the most emotional moments in wrestling history to… a debate on instant replay. Yes you read that right. Vince McMahon acts on moderator (C.M. > Vince) between Paul McGuire and George Steinbrenner of all people as they argue over instant replay.

During the debate, McGuire calls Steinbrenner a butt head, leading to Vince to call on his instant replay “officials” to review it. As this continues to spiral into udder stupidity, the Bushwackers are the officials. They say that there’s inconclusive evidence, therefore the insult stands. Finally this ends and we go back to the arena. This was somehow stupider than it sounds.

Trebek talks to Demolition who scares him off.

Regis talks to…….GENICHIRO TENRYU????? He’s here with Kitao who isn’t anyone special but I’ve heard of him. They can’t understand Regis.

Trebek is scared of Jake.
Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

I know who the two Japanese wrestlers are, but why in the heck are they on Wrestlemania? Demolition was little more than jobbers at this point. After they lost the titles to the Harts at Summerslam 90 Ax had left so this is Smash and Crush. They had also gotten Mr. Fuji back at this point.

Crush and Kitao start us off here. Kitao is a big old boy too. Fuji gets a cane shot in almost immediately as it looks like dominance from Demolition to start. Heenan makes Japanese jokes as this is mostly dominance. Somehow Kitao is named Fred. Tenryu comes in and avoids the Decapitator and hits a big powerbomb on Crush to…get the pin? WOW. This was Demolition’s last match too. Odd indeed.

Rating: W. As in what were they thinking here? I know that Tenryu is a Japanese legend, but no one knew who he was at Wrestlemania. The crowd is silent when Demolition lost. This wasn’t even a loss but rather a squash. This whole match made absolutely zero sense.

Big Bossman says he’s coming for Heenan after he gets the IC Title.

Heenan says he’s not afraid of Bossman.

Intercontinental Title: Big Bossman vs. Mr. Perfect

Bossman is insanely over at this point having been running around with Hogan all through the second half of the year. Heenan had been talking trash about Bossman’s mama, and you don’t talk bad about a Southern boy’s mother. Bossman went to war with the Heenan Family and the only person left was their top wrestler, Mr. Perfect.

Considering Bossman weighs more than Kane, the stuff he can do in the ring is mind blowing. He moves like someone Chavo’s size. All signs point to this being the changing of the title. Perfect throws the towel at Boss Man so Boss Man spits at Perfect. Perfect’s selling goes insane of course and it works great. Boss Man throws some GREAT punches.

I feel like I’m watching a match on fast forward. A charge misses though and we slow things WAY down all of a sudden. Boss Man pulls his belt out which is allegedly a foreign object but I’m not sure how. It would seem perfectly legal to me as he brought it in with him didn’t he? There’s the abdominal stretch as the belt didn’t get Boss Man very far at all.

There’s that neck snap from Perfect which is always fun to see. Perfectplex is blocked though but Boss Man can’t get anything going at all. Perfect gets a reverse neck snap which we would more or less call a Blockbuster today. He goes up but does the jump into the boot spot to set up Boss Man’s comeback.

Perfect gets the tar punched out of him which doesn’t take much as I don’t think there’s much tar in him for the most part. Boss Man rams into the steps though and Heenan gets some shots in. The crowd pops like a cherry though as here comes Andre. Heenan LOSES IT and Andre grabs the belt just because he wants to. He DRILLS Perfect with it but the Heenan Family runs in for the save before Boss Man can get the title. The overly large faces clear the ring. Odd finish.
Rating: C-. This again is historic as it’s Andre’s last WM appearance. It really is sad to see him in such physically bad shape. He would be dead in less than two years, just after the debut of Monday Night Raw, I believe the day of the third show. For the life of me I do not get why Boss Man didn’t get the title here as every single sign on the planet would have pointed to it. No clue what the reasoning was here though.

We see Bossman and Andre saying that the war with Heenan isn’t over. Actually it was.

The following people are here and talked to by Gene:

Lou Ferrigno (the Incredible Hulk)

Donald Trump

Chuck Norris

Henry Winkler (FONZIE!!!!!)

What an odd grouping indeed.
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

This is about as close to nothing as you can get. Hammer gets in a few elbows and then goes down with ease to the Earthquake splash. It was a squash that somehow went three minutes but you get the idea. There was a powerslam thrown in there somewhere. Hammer did manage to get Quake down and go for the Figure Four but it went nowhere. Why in the world is Valentine a face anyway?

Rating: N/A. Very little here and to have someone as good as Valentine reach this point in his career is kind of sad. Total squash despite the fact that Earthquake was about to become a tag team guy with Tugboat.

The LOD want the belts from the Nastys and they’re going to make Power and Glory sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

This match lasts less than a minute as LOD destroy Hercules and Paul “I was a Horsemen blast it” Roma. Back to back squashes though? Really? Match ran 59 seconds somehow and the Doomsday Device ended it.

Rating: N/A. The only thing keeping this above failing is the LOD’s music. They were so over it’s not even funny.

We recap the events leading up to DiBiase and Virgil. Over the years, Virgil did every disgusting thing that DiBiase told him to do and finally he snapped. Roddy Piper began encouraging him and we get to this match. At the Rumble Virgil and DiBiase had been a team and Virgil got pinned. DiBiase blamed him and told him to wrap the belt around his waist, but Virgil hit him with it instead.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase rarely ever lost at this point so this was viewed as a squash. Virgil actually goes on for ten minutes. Roddy Piper is in his corner on crutches as he had recently been in a motorcycle wreck. Virgil tags DiBiase with punches to start which are about all he’s got. DiBiase hits the floor as he’s all frustrated now.

Back in the ring and DiBiase takes down Virgil with a clothesline to get control for a bit. The common idea here was that Virgil couldn’t wrestle but he had been trained and was a regular wrestler in the indies before he came to WWF and had at least two matches before this one in a WWF ring. DiBiase gets a Piledriver as Virgil is in trouble.

Beautiful gutwrench suplex gets two. DiBiase sends him to the floor and then yells at Piper. He kicks out the crutch from under his leg to send him down because he’s a bad man. Piper hooks the top rope and Piper hits the floor. More yelling and shoving of men on crutches ends this though as we have a countout with Virgil winning in a shock.

Rating: C-. This feud was years in the making and the emotion was there, but it was on way too late in the card and the people wanted to see Hogan. Having Virgil get the win was huge though.

Slaughter and General Adnan, a.k.a. the Iron Sheik, say that there’s a new set of rules, and there’s a chance he might accidentally get counted out or DQed tonight.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

No point at all to this one but we’ll throw it in here to fill in some time. Tito runs Mountie around for a few seconds, Mountie can barely do anything, Jimmy slis him the shock stick and Mountie uses it on Santana and pins him. Absolutely no one cares and neither do I. Only significance is Santana continues to have been at every Wrestlemania thus far which I think only Hogan is the other person to do so.

Rating: N/A. Nothing special here as it was a pure filler.

We finally get to the recap for Hogan and Slaughter. The main idea is that Slaughter is threatening to lose on purpose so Hogan doesn’t win the title. Slaughter is an Iraqi sympathizer so the feud was based off Operation Desert Storm, or as it’s more commonly known, the Gulf War. Pay no attention to the fact that the war was already over by this point.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Hmm. I think I may have to bet on this Slaughter guy. It seems likely that he’s going to win it as I think this Hogan chap is overmatched. Is there any reason as to why Alex Trebek is the guest announcer here? I mean dude, IT’S ALEX TREBEK! Anyway, Hogan of course is absolutely insanely over but that pop would start to die off rather soon.

Regis is on commentary for this which is even weirder. Long feeling out process as they feel out each other’s power. Hogan sends him to the floor which gets him a few good shots in. Slaughter begs off back in the ring but gets an eye rake like the evil….American that he is. Yeah this was kind of a weird setup. Heenan keeps talking about some party he’s having on Prime Time Wrestling.

Slaughter in control now as Regis shows that he has zero business being a commentator on the main event of Mania, as he has nothing to say. That’s not his fault of course, but he is just kind of there. No one wants to come to Bobby’s party. That’s rather amusing indeed. Hogan takes over again and does more or less nothing special at all.

A knee to the back sends Slaughter into the buckle. A slingshot makes him completely miss the post but we’ll say it hit anyway. After a good long beating, Hogan shows how stupid he can be and goes up to the middle rope which doesn’t work. He more or less no sells the shot Slaughter gets on him and goes to the top? What the heck??? Adnan interferes and Hogan pulls a Flair in a funny spot.

Slaughter Cannon sends Hogan to the floor. He beats the tar out of Hogan with a chair on the floor which gets him somewhere for a change. The referee won’t count him out or DQ him though. Well that’s certainly nice of him isn’t it? Back in the ring now with Slaughter hooking a Boston Crab after pounding away for awhile on the back.

You know this hold would look a bit more realistic and painful if Hogan wasn’t just barely beneath the rope and that by moving maybe 8 inches up the hold would be broken. Granted that might just be me overthinking this. Slaughter works on the back forever and gets a chair shot to the head to bust open Hulk. Can we please just get to him breaking the camel clutch and getting the title back?

THANK YOU! Slaughter gets his UNBREAKABLE, yes UNBREAKABLE I SAY, hold on Hogan who of course, just like he did to the Sheik, breaks it. Slaughter gets him down again (to humble him perhaps?) and drapes the Iraqi flag over him because he is a very stupid man. Hogan kicks out and you can fill in the blanks yourself.

Rating: C+. Easily more about symbolism, but there was one major flaw: the war was already over when this match took place. It was like TNA in levels of being behind the times. This was a fairly decent match though and I thought it worked well enough for what it was supposed to do. The Hogan pop was starting to die off though and it would become much clearer in the future.

Overall Rating: C. This really isn’t one of the great Manias but it has one of the best moments of all time. The problem in this Mania is the mid card is just awful. The big midcard match ended in a DQ and was a way to get Andre on the show. There’s just nothing here and with Savage stealing the show from Hogan again, it hurts the show a bit.

The complete lack of drama in the main event doesn’t help things either as Slaughter spent all night talking about losing on purpose and you never once see that in the main event. It’s not a bad show, but it’s far from great. Watch it for the Savage and Hogan matches and if you just need to kill some time, the opener.

 

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Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

So it’s 1991 now and the US is at war (kind of). Therefore, the main event here, other than the Rumble of course, is Warrior defending the world title against Slaughter. This is a major changeover from the old Rumble formula which was a bunch of nothing matches followed by the big battle royal to close the show. Well at least on PPV that is. This would become the norm after this (other than in 1992) so let’s get to it.

We open with the national anthem to really hammer home the AMERICA ROCKS theme.

We get the usual list of a bunch of people in the Rumble.

Piper goes on one his big America rants about how much he loves the troops.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express are Kato and Tanaka. Kato is a white guy named Paul Diamond in a mask pretending to be a Japanese guy. Shawn gets jumped to start and hit with a big double backdrop. Marty dropkicks Kato to the floor and superkicks Tanaka down as the Rockers take over. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives to take the Express (popular names for tag teams no?) down on the floor.

The crowd is LOVING the Rockers here because they’re AMERICAN! Jannetty and Kato start things off with Kato getting caught in a headlock. Things speed up already and Marty controls with a headscissors on the mat. That gets turned into a backslide for two for Jannetty and we have a standoff. Marty makes the Express collide with each other before working on Tanaka’s arm.

Shawn comes in off the top with another shot to the arm but Tanaka comes back with a kick to the face and a chinlock. We get an overly complicated running the ropes spot which results in the Express having their heads rammed together. It’s still Tanaka vs. Shawn here and we go from a chinlock to a sleeper by Shawn. Marty tries to come in for no apparent reason, allowing Kato to blast Michaels in the back to give the Express control for the first time.

Everything breaks down and we get multiple do-see-do sequences, finally resulting in the Express being rammed into each other and being sent to the floor. Shawn busts out a kind of prototype 619 before the Rockers dive on both members of the Express in a cool spot. Back to Kato vs. Marty and we hit another chinlock. Shawn comes back in for a vertical suplex but Tanaka breaks up a monkey flip by guillotining Shawn from the apron.

Tanaka comes in and we get the World’s Greatest Tag Team spot of Tanaka jumping over Kato’s back to land on Shawn’s back as Shawn is draped over the ropes. A shot to Shawn’s throat keeps him down and it’s off to the nerve hold. Things slow down a lot as Kato comes in to chop away. A superkick puts Shawn down again (how appropriate) but he comes back by slamming Tanaka’s face down into the mat.

The place is really getting into the Rockers here as Kato takes his belt off. The Express tries to clothesline him with it but Shawn dives onto the belt to ran both Express members into each other. Hot tag brings in Marty to clean house and a powerslam gets two on Kato. Tanaka breaks up a backslide attempt so Shawn trips up Kato to retaliate. Everything breaks down again and Tanaka breaks up the Rocket Launcher. Kato slingshots Marty into a Tanaka chop and Jannetty is in trouble. They load it up again, but Shawn blasts Tanaka, allowing Marty to counter the slingshot into a sunset flip on Tanaka for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B+. This would have been a masterpiece if they had cut out a minute or two of the chinlocks. Still though, this follows the Nitro formula to the letter: take four small guys, give them a long time, get an exciting match. That’s the perfect choice for an opener and it worked well here. The Rockers would continue to be awesome for the rest of the year until splitting in December in the famous Barber Shop incident.

Macho Man wants a shot at the winner of the title match. Slaughter has agreed to this idea for some reason, and Sherri is on her way to the arena to get Warrior to agree to the same.

Here’s Sherri on the platform (yeah back then they had an interview platform along with the one in the back) to call out Warrior. Savage is watching in the back and Sherri takes forever to get Warrior to come out. She begs the patriotic Warrior and tries to seduce him (oh dear that’s a terrifying thought) and gets on her knees, only to have Warrior shout NO. Savage LOSES IT in the back over this. Somehow these segments took like seven minutes.

Big Bossman vs. Barbarian

This is part of a storyline that worked quite well until the ending. Rick Rude had insulted Boss Man’s mother, but Boss Man was told he had to beat every member of the Heenan Family before he got a match with Rude. Unfortunately Rude left the company before Boss Man got to him so Boss Man got Mr. Perfect at Mania….but he didn’t win Perfect’s IC title and that basically ended the storyline. Still though, the build was good and it gave Boss Man something to do for months. The eventual payoff was him literally dropping a big metal ball on Heenan’s ribs.

Anyway Barbarian pounds away to start but gets kicked in the head and elbowed down. They head to the floor for Boss Man to send Barbarian into the post before heading back inside. Barbarian goes up but jumps into a punch, sending him right back to the floor. Barbie suplexes him down and punches Boss Man in the face, knocking him into the ropes where his feet get tied up.

Barbarian pounds away a bit before ramming Boss Man back first into the post. Off to a bearhug by Barbarian followed by an elbow for two. Back to the bearhug for a little bit longer until Boss Man headbutts (bad stereotypes!) his way out. A splash in the corner misses and Barbarian gets two off a rollup, only to have Boss Man get the same off a clothesline. They hit head to head and both guys go down.

Barbarian is on his feet first and goes up and hits his top rope clothesline for two. There’s the Boss Man Slam but Boss Man walks around before covering, allowing Barbie to grab a rope. An awkward looking piledriver puts Boss Man down for no cover again. Barbarian goes up for a cross body of all things but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a fine match but the ending is kind of weird. I have no idea why they didn’t have the Slam end the match here but for some reason it kept going for another minute or two afterwards. Still though, decent enough match and Boss Man was just CRAZY over at this point. The hot crowd helped a lot here.

Slaughter and General Adnan rant for a bit and say Slaughter is winning the title tonight. For some reason while Slaughter is talking they shift to another camera so he has to turn ninety degrees.

The Warrior isn’t worried about Slaughter and says he’ll give the orders tonight.

Quick recap on the world title match: Slaughter is a former American patriot and is now changing over to Iraq because he’s that kind of a villain. Warrior is defending and that’s about all there is to it.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla gives a disclaimer, saying that Slaughter and Adnan’s views don’t represent those of the WWF or most of America. If that was anyone other than Gorilla Monsoon, I’d say he wasn’t allowed to speak for America, but Gorilla Monsoon speaks for me. There’s a t-shirt idea in there somewhere. The belt is purple tonight in case you’re wondering. Yeah Warrior went a bit nuts (shocking I know) with having multiple belt colors for some reason. The heels try to attack him with the Iraqi Flag but Warrior will have nothing of it and clotheslines them both down.

Slaughter gets the flag shoved into his mouth and Warrior pounds away. He chokes Slaughter with said flag and chops away in the corner as Slaughter is in trouble. Warrior sends Slaughter into the corner for his over the buckle bump to the floor. Here’s Sherri to trip up Warrior and draw him back up towards the entrance. Savage is waiting on Warrior and beats the tar out of the champion with light fixtures as Slaughter gets a breather.

The Sarge wisely stops the count a few times, allowing Warrior to get back in. Slaughter pounds away in the corner as he starts softening up the back for the Camel Clutch. Apparently the middle eastern moveset comes with becoming an Iraqi sympathizer. The crowd absolutely HATES Slaughter here and boos anything he does. Warrior gets sent into the buckle but they clothesline each other down. Naturally a single clothesline is enough to counteract that long run of offense by Slaughter and get us back to even.

Slaughter gets up first and puts on a bearhug for a LONG time. Warrior breaks it up but walks right into a backbreaker for two. There’s the Camel Clutch but Warrior’s legs are under the ropes. Warrior Warriors Up and beats Slaughter down but here’s Sherri again to frenzy up the crowd. Warrior loads her up in the gorilla press and throws her onto a charging Savage in the aisle. Savage pops up again and blasts Warrior in the face with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow for the pin and the title, STUNNING the crowd.

Rating: D+. The match was dull for the most part but the heat was insane. The crowd audibly calls this BS and you can’t really argue that point. Aside from that, this sets up Wrestlemania really well, as we need a REAL AMERICAN to take the title back. Pay no attention to the fact that the war had already been over by Wrestlemania.

Gorilla LOSES IS when the title change is announced.

Koko B. Ware vs. The Mountie

The crowd is still in shock at this point so here’s a match to pass some time. Mountie has Jimmy Hart with him here and is doing the shock stick gimmick still. A lot of stalling to start things off here until Koko hits that dropkick of his. Ware cranks on the arm after Mountie hides on the floor for a bit. Mountie backdrops him to the floor in a big bump and takes over. Hart gets in a shouting match with Frankie the parrot as this match drags on and on. Koko gets a quick two on a sunset flip as Jimmy argues with Frankie some more.

A piledriver is broken up by Ware but Mountie pounds away even more to stop the comeback. Koko grabs a neckbreaker and hits a few headbutts to put Mountie down. The missile dropkick (Koko hits the kick and lands on his feet. That’s AWESOME) drops Mountie again and a cross body gets two. Koko hits the ropes a few times but charges into a…..into a……I think it was a choke takedown or something like that. Whatever it was it gets the pin for Mountie.

Rating: D. This match sucked but it was the only thing they could have done here. They had to do something to give the fans a chance to breathe after that previous title match and while it didn’t really work, they made the right move here. Mountie would be IC Champion the next year while Koko would be in a tag team I believe.

Savage says he’s the next WWF Champion and runs away with Sherri as he can hear Warrior pounding on the door.

Gorilla and Piper lament Warrior’s loss.

Slaughter says he told us all he’d win.

Gorilla and Piper rants some more.

Some fans get to send messages to some American troops in the middle east.

We hear about Hogan going to various American armed forces bases because he’s not allowed to go to Saudi Arabia at the moment. Thankfully Piper mentions that he and Hogan don’t agree on everything.

We hear from some Rumble participants: Roberts, Earthquake, Valentine, Tornado, the LOD, Undertaker (still with Brother Love), Duggan, Martel, British Bulldog, Perfect (IC Champion here) and Tugboat.

Piper talks about having lunch with Virgil today. Remember that.

DiBiase and Virgil are ready to face Dustin and Dusty. Ted talks about having bought and paid for Virgil, who glares as DiBiase talks.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

Post match we get the important part of the match. DiBiase yells at Virgil and says he’s tired of having to save his worker. He tells Virgil to get the belt and wrap it around his boss’ waist, but Virgil is mad. DiBiase keeps running his mouth, talking about how Virgil needs this job. DiBiase turns his back on Virgil and turns into a belt shot to the head, drawing one of the handful of pops in Virgil’s entire career.

Hogan is ready for the Rumble and wants the title from the un-American too. Gene tells Hogan that Slaughter might have just defaced the American Flag. Oh you know it’s on now. Hulk goes into such a rant that he forgets the name of the guy America is at war with (Sadaam Hussein) in a semi-famous bit.

Royal Rumble

Bret gets #1 for the second time in four years. He and Neidhart are tag champions here and he gets to face Dino Bravo at #2. Feeling out process to start until Bret clotheslines Bravo to the apron. Bravo comes back but misses an elbow. We go to an annoying wide shot as Greg Valentine is #3. I think he’s a face here but it was such an unmemorable turn that I can’t remember if it had happened yet or not. Well he’s fighting Bravo so I’d assume so. Actually he does a bit better than that by eliminating Bravo quickly.

Bret atomic drops Greg down and adds a clothesline for good measure but he can’t get the elimination. Here’s Paul Roma of Power and Glory at #4. Actually the team might have broken up by this point. Again they weren’t that memorable, just like most of this time period aside from the top stars. Bret rams their heads together, causing Roma and Valentine to fight for a bit.

Here’s Kerry Von Erich to give us I think three faces and one heel, or at least two faces a heel and a tweener. Bret misses an elbow drop off the middle rope and everyone pounds away on various people until Rick Martel is #6. Bret almost puts Martel out but Roma makes a save. Well no one ever accused him of being all that bright. Saba Simba (Tony Atlas as a tribal guy. It didn’t last long) is #7 as things continue to go slowly. Von Erich puts the Claw on Martel and that’s about the extent of the highlights.

To really liven things up, Butch is #8. That’s actually not sarcastic as the fans do the Bushwhacker arm swing. Martel puts Simba out to keep us at an equal number of average guys and Bret. Don’t get me wrong: these guys are talented, but other than Bret, most of them never got above the midcard. Jake Roberts is #9 to go immediately after Martel and give us an actual feud (Martel blinded him, leading to an AWFUL blowoff match at Mania).

Martel bails under the bottom rope and Jake goes right after him through the ropes. Martel gets put on the apron and punched in the face as everyone else just punches people. Hercules is #10 to give us Power and Glory in the ring. Why would I have thought they were broken up? They had a match at Mania. Bret gets double teamed in the corner but nothing comes of it.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment at I think eight. Tito Santana is #11 as Roma misses a cross body to eliminate himself. FINALLY we get someone to clear some of these guys out with Undertaker coming in at #12. He’s still this unknown monster at this point and would be that for years. Taker puts out Bret as soon as he gets there and beats up Von Erich for fun. That could have been a solid house show feud.

Jimmy Snuka is #13 as Taker throws out Butch. There are still way too many people in the ring, as we currently have Valentine, Tornado, Martel, Roberts, Hercules, Santana, Snuka and Undertaker. Taker chokes on Von Erich a bit in the corner before shifting over to Valentine. The freshly returned British Bulldog is #14 and guess what happens. The correct answer would be nothing, so here’s Smash at #15. No one cares as Demolition would be done at Wrestlemania, so he’s another nobody for all intents and purposes.

Good grief there are ten people in there now. Martel gets knocked to the apron and FINALLY puts Jake out to get us down a little bit. Superfly headbutts Martel and Hercules for a reaction from the crowd and Hawk is #16. STILL nothing of note happens and it’s Shane freaking Douglas at #17. Taker FINALLY puts out Tornado and Hawk puts out Snuka to get the numbers down a bit.

No one is #18, which would later be revealed as Randy Savage, who isn’t in the match because he’s running from Warrior. This is called continuity, which you don’t get enough of in wrestling today. Animal is #19, allowing the LOD to double clothesline Taker out. Martel uses the distraction to knock Hawk out and we’ve got eight in there again: Santana, Martel, Smith, Smash, Animal, Hercules, Valentine and Douglas.

The ninth person in the ring and #20 overall is Crush, Ax’s replacement in Demolition. Jim Duggan is #21. I’m not saying much between the entrances because there’s nothing to talk about. Literally it’s people pushing others on the ropes and a lot of punching. WAY too many people in the ring again and the match is really dull so far. Martel gets caught by Animal but gets out via a thumb to the eye. That’s an exciting moment at this point.

Earthquake is #22, giving us an insane eleven people in the match at once. Animal staggers Quake with some clotheslines but a third misses, resulting in Animal getting dumped. Perfect is #23 to get us back to eleven in the ring at once. The first person he sells like a crazy man for: Duggan, but Jim gets eliminated by Perfect pretty quickly. I’m not going to bother listing everyone in there for awhile due to it being nearly impossible to tell. Seriously, that’s how full the ring is.

FINALLY Hogan comes in at #24 and you know some people are going out now. It’s Smash thrown out first and Hogan goes straight for Earthquake, who he was technically still feuding with at this point. Bulldog and Perfect have a very energetic slugout as Haku is #25. Hogan dumps Valentine after a near record breaking 44 minutes. Hogan finally gets his own shirt off as Martel and Haku fight.

Jim Neidhart is #26 as Earthquake dumps an exhausted Santana after thirty minutes. A bunch of heels work over Hogan in the corner but Shane Douglas breaks it up. In a semi-famous moment, Luke is in at #27 and is immediately dumped out by Quake after about four seconds. He immediately marches back to the locker room. Brian Knobs of the freshly debuted Nasty Boys is #28 and after doing nothing for awhile, he dumps Hercules.

Warlord is #29 and he goes straight for Davey Boy. Crush goes up on the corner to punch Hogan and deserves the elimination he gets for trying. Hogan clotheslines Warlord out as the ring is FINALLY emptying out a bit. Tugboat is #30, giving us a final group of Perfect, Tugboat, Knobs, Douglas, Neidhart, Martel, Smith, Haku, Earthquake and Hogan. Quake and Tugboat go at it as Knobs dumps Douglas. Brian Knobs gets to eliminate two people? Really?

Tugboat goes after Hogan but only gets him to the apron. Hogan gets back in and clotheslines him out to get us to eight. Bulldog dropkicks Hennig off the ropes to the floor and Martel, who has been in there over 50 minutes, shattering the record, puts Neidhart out. Bulldog dumps Haku and we’re down to five. Martel goes up top but gets crotched and clotheslined out by Smith. That puts us at a final four but Smith is put out before I can type out said four. We’ve got Knobs, Earthquake and Hogan. That’s a step below Rude, Hennig and Hogan last year I’d think.

The heels double team Hogan of course and Quake splashes him down. The Earthquake hits Hogan but it’s no sold as you would expect. Big boot puts Knobs out but Hogan can’t slam the fat man. Quake hits an elbow drop and a second one as Hogan goes into his spasms. There’s the powerslam, there’s the Hulk Up, there’s the big boot, there’s the slam, there’s the winning clothesline for Hogan.

Rating: D. This is one, if not the worst Rumble I’ve ever seen. It’s just boring all around and there’s no other word to describe it. There were at least three moments where there were TEN people in the ring at once. The prime option for the Rumble is about six to seven at most at a time, not freaking TEN. There was never a moment where this got exciting and it was really boring at times too. Not good at all here.

Hogan poses a lot and waves an American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener is really good but the rest of the show is mostly boring stuff. 1991 was a really boring time for the company and things wouldn’t pick up until the end of the year when Flair and Undertaker gave some jolts of life into things. This didn’t work for the most part though and it was a chore to sit through. Nothing to see here other than a really awesome tag match to open the show.

Ratings Comparison

The Rockers vs. The Orient Express

Original: A

Redo: B+

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

Original: B

Redo: C

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: D

Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

Redo: D

Ted DiBiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Original: B

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

What was I thinking on that DiBiase match? I must have REALLY liked the angle, but it happened after the match.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/10/royal-rumble-count-up-1991/

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Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Well, there’s a few big things, but a lot is still the same. Warrior is champion here, defending against Sgt. Slaughter who is in the heel turn as the Iraqi sympathizer. Who cares if the war was already over? The other thing is that about two months ago, Undertaker debuted. This really is about the same as last year’s, but you can see a lot of the stuff that would shape the new era coming.

For one thing, Bret is featured at the opening of the Rumble, as his singles push was just around the corner. This show really is more designed to set up Mania, as the Rumble itself really didn’t know its purpose yet. The title shot at Mania wouldn’t become official until 1993. The card is considered underrated, so let’s see if it lives….up, I guess would be the right term.

We open with a shot of the American flag as it’s apparently one of those shows. It’s always cool to hear the Anthem though. The problem here though is simple: the war was less than a month from being over and that was fairly obvious. The angle should have ended here with Slaughter coming in as champion, maybe having won it at Summerslam or something like that. Three months later when Hogan beat him for it the war was already over.

That was just kind of pointless. Anyway, the regular intro is just that: regular. It’s the same old thing of the participants being listed, although this time it’s by Gene. I almost didn’t recognize his voice though. The first name: Hogan. The second: Bret. That’s saying a lot. Piper always ranted with the best of them.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

This apparently is an encounter, not a match. That’s the Fink for you. I’m still waiting on the explanation of how they’re tag team specialists, yet they had far more success as singles wrestlers. They start immediately when they hit the ring which says that this should be good. Oh and it’s Tanaka and Kato the masked man here as this is the NEW Orient Express despite them having been a team in the AWA and half of the NEW Orient Express being the same as the old Orient Express.

Marty is knocked out to the floor and therefore worthless about 4 seconds in. Well it’s good to know he’s improving. He redeems himself by throwing a superkick at Tanaka that misses by about 4 inches or so. Hey Marty’s ON tonight. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives on the Express. That’s completely unheard of at this time as Gorilla doesn’t even have a name for it here, calling them cross bodies.

We get a HUGE USA chant as we’re finally in the corners for a regular tag match. To say the crowd is hot is like saying Norcal is a bit popular around here. They are moving ridiculously fast out there with some great chain wrestling. I feel sorry for Marty as he really was talented. His partner just happens to be one of the best of all time. Speaking of which, Shawn is in now and beating on Tanaka.

They’re never staying in one spot for long at all. The crowd is insane here too so that’s a major plus. This was around the time where you realized the Rockers really were good and not just two pretty boys. Their stuff was getting to a level that was just below the Harts and could even be compared to them. That’s appropriate too because the Harts would split after Mania of this year. Shawn uses a HHH leaping knee to the face. That’s gimmick infringement boy.

They use a decent amount of rest holds, but they’re moving out of them quickly which is all I ask for. To be fair they’re all over the place in this. A We Will Rock You sing a long starts up. That’s actually something I’ve never thought of.

A sleeper gets a pop. That’s just not something you see often at all. Piper goes into a weird discussion about what is a legal vs. illegal punch/strike. Good night this is fun. Shawn goes up for ten punches in the corner and comes off with a moonsault to take out Kato. Again, that doesn’t even have a name. We’re about ten minutes into this and they’re still all over the place.

Naturally the announcers say that it’s been fifteen or so but whatever. Shawn does a freaking 610! Ok so it was sloppy as all goodness but it was the same move. They follow that up with stereo cross bodies from the top to the floor. This is AWESOME stuff. Double teaming and Fuji gets control for the Express. We get the inevitable “this is the first match!” line, which is wrestling speak for “we know the rest of this is going to suck and we’re sorry.”

The Express are using moves that were considered great when the World’s Greatest Tag Team was using them. On no. It’s a NERVE HOLD! This is the epitome of a weak rest hold as all you do is grab the other person’s neck. It allegedly cuts off the flow of blood or something and you lose feeling in your arm. Oh good it’s now a less bad chinlock. The crowd is still going nuts.

As per the Rockers’ formula, Shawn gets beaten up to set up the Jannetty tag. In a very cool and smart spot, the Express pull off their sash to use for a clothesline but Shawn avoids it. Instead he dives on it, pulling the Express together so they crash. That’s very smart. Marty comes in to get a paycheck so he can….uh…buy model trains. Yeah, that works.

He’s going to buy model trains with the money he makes tonight. Lots of them, in a dark alley. Yeah, that’s right. His dropkicks aren’t that good, mainly because at least one foot misses. He makes up for it with a jumping back elbow though so I’m fine. The Rockers “hit” a double superkick to put Kato down and go to the top.

They set for what I think was going to be a rocket launcher but it doesn’t get to launch thanks to Tanaka. The Express set for a move where Kato slingshots Marty into Tanaka for a chop. It works so naturally they do it again. This time though, Shawn hits Tanaka, allowing Marty to jump over him for a sunset flip to win it! That was SWEET looking.

Rating: A. This was greatness plain and simple. It was a bit sloppy, but this was one of the most fun matches I’ve ever seen. They were all over the place and doing stuff that wouldn’t become popular until WCW’s Cruiserweight days. The Rockers truly were greatness in tag wrestling. They would split in less than a year though, which might have been a shame. Excellent match here though and well worth going out of your way to see.

Randy Savage has a statement to make. He more or less declares himself the number one contender for the world title. He and Sean watch on the screen as Gene and Sherri come into the arena. She calls Warrior out, saying how honorable he is. More or less she tries to seduce him into giving Savage the next title shot. Naturally since he’s the Warrior and well past certifiable, he turns her down despite her being on her knees in front of him.

We do find out that Warrior’s eyes are hazel. This is just amusing to see as the acting is painfully bad. Warrior is the better of the two as the only thing he says is NO one time at the very end. To be fair though, I think this was meant to be awful. The pop for her getting down on her knees is WAY bigger than it should be.

Warrior looks odd in his gear, the belt and a leather jacket with a flag on the back. The belt is purple by the way. In the back, Savage is TICKED, destroying his locker room and sprinting off after Warrior.

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

This was during what was likely Boss Man’s biggest storyline as a face, as he was feuding with the Heenan Family one by one over comments that Rick Rude had made about Boss Man’s mother. It would culminate with Boss Man vs. Perfect at Mania, where for some reason that absolutely no one gets, Boss Man didn’t win the Intercontinental Title, which more or less ended him being an important character.

This is just another match so it’s likely going to be a glorified squash. Piper says Heenan is intelligent. I’m blown away. This is power vs. power obviously but they’re doing the right thing here and having them go back and forth with big shots. That’s the best way to do these if there is such a thing I guess. Bossman really was talented. Somehow this is probably the best Barbarian match ever.

Boss Man at least made you want to care about a match, which is a lot more than most characters from this time were able to do. After a decent display of back and forth stuff, we naturally hit the bearhug because it wouldn’t be a Barbarian match without one I guess. The crowd is staying in this one so I have to hand it to them. They do some more slow stuff but for some reason this is holding my interest very well.

Both hit their finishers but both opponents get the ropes. Or at least Barbarian was supposed to, but he never actually reached it. He goes for a piledriver and I think Boss Man slipped out of it or something but it looked pretty bad. Crowd is quiet now. Scratch that. I like Boss Man’s shirt coming open like it does. It gives him that working man look that I think was part of what they were going for with him. Little things like that can make a character so points for it.

In one of the weirdest endings I can ever remember, Barbarian goes up for a freaking cross body from the top but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin. Well that was odd. During the celebration they go slow motion on Boss Man on the ropes raising his arms which looks really cool.

Rating: B. This was a lot better than I expected. They took two guys of the same style and got a solid match out of them. That’s just flat out impressive. This could have been far worse but it really was entertaining. Boss Man had that it factor around this time that made you care about him and that’s exactly what happened here. For some reason all that got him was a Mania match with Perfect where he didn’t get the belt or a rematch but whatever. This was a lot better than I expected it to be.

Iron Sheik and Slaughter have a bit to say. Slaughter’s chin puts Jay Leno’s to shame. He’s just flat out creepy actually which is a good thing. He says that he’ll be the new leader and you haven’t even begun to see turmoil yet. So is he saying he’ll be an awful leader that causes turmoil? Apparently that’s an order.

Gene is with Warrior, who he calls orier. That just came out as odd. Speaking of odd, Gene tries his best to walk Warrior through a coherent promo but the guy whispers almost everything he says and it’s just hard to understand. He says he’ll win I think.

WWF Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla has to give a disclaimer about Slaughter’s views, saying they don’t reflect Arab Americans or the WWF. Piper goes nuts as a patriot, talking about how the troops are fighting for freedom. There’s a complete argument there that I’ll stay out of. Piper says we ain’t talking skim milk here. I love Piper’s complete insanity. How exactly does one go bananas? Warrior really was WAY over. How did he manage to screw this up?

Warrior beats up the likely senior citizen Sheik and rips up the Iraqi flag. You have to be interested in how war validates things that would otherwise never be allowed. Warrior hits a knee lift, which I’ve never seen him do otherwise. The commentators are so unbelievably biased here it’s unreal. Slaughter really was good as a bumper. For no apparent reason, here’s Sherri with her fine self. That thing really is impressive.

Warrior’s isn’t bad either, but that could be because his tights are white which I have a bit of a thing for. She gets Warrior’s attention and he chases her back to the entrance where Savage is waiting on him. He beats Warrior up for a bit which of course the referee sees none of, despite Savage wearing BRIGHT PINK clothing against a black backdrop. Yeah that just blends in perfectly.

Ah but there’s the USA chants and the power of patriotism gets Warrior up again. Wisely, Slaughter keeps stopping the count. Roddy, being a decent analyst, points out that very thing. In a bit of forshaddowing, Slaughter does a version of the Hogan ear bit. It’s all Slaughter right now as he spits on Warrior. Yep that’s some great offense. He’s also rocking the curled up boots which are a fashion risk but I’d wear them.

A double clothesline takes both guys down. In a dumb looking spot, Slaughter follows Warrior around with his arms up for a double axe and then puts on a bear hug. You would have to see it to get why it was stupid. Ah, the powers of patriotism are rising up again! Apparently that only works for the yellow and red though as Warrior is still in trouble. Gorilla says Warrior is only half conscious right now.

Wow he’s in better shape than usual. Warrior gets out of the bear hug with a double axe that I don’t think actually hit. The comeback lasts just a bit though as Warrior obviously doesn’t love America enough. He must be a commie or something. Oh wait. He’s from Parts Unknown. Everything is explained now. The Cobra Clutch, which in this case means a camel clutch, is on put Warrior’s legs are hanging out. In a weird camera angle the referee is blocked by the guys so it looks like there’s no one there.

Why is the camel clutch used primarily by Arab themed wrestlers? Think about it: Sheik, Sultan, Muhammad Hassan, Slaughter in this gimmick. What’s the deal with that? Vince may not be racist but he tends to have a lot of racial stereotypes to his characters. Here comes Warrior’s Hulk impression as he can’t feel pain. Warrior hits a flying shoulder which Gorilla calls a heabutt. Well that wasn’t even close.

That’s by far the biggest mistake Gorilla has made that I can remember. Sherri is back again as you can see the screwjob coming. Being the genius that he is, Warrior does the same thing he did earlier which resulted in him getting beaten up. This time though he press slams Sherri as Savage runs out. Slaughter knees Warrior in the back to put him in position for a 619, but Savage blasts him with the scepter.

An elbow drop of all things gives Slaughter the title in a move that really should have come four months earlier to get maximum heat. Piper is FURIOUS. I love how the madder he got the higher pitched his voice got. Warrior runs to the back presumably to get Savage as Slaughter is awarded the title. Everyone is FURIOUS, with Piper being the most of them all. Slaughter the solider holding a purple belt is rather amusing looking.

Rating: D. This was all about the angle. As for the match: it was awful. Granted given the two guys out there, what were you really expecting? This was all about setting up Mania though, and it did a great job of that.

Still though, the timing of the war ending really hurt them, which is why having Hogan get it back here and then doing something else at Mania would have worked better. What that something else would have been is beyond me though. Maybe Hogan vs. Savage again or something like that, but as it turned out the moment was good, but not in the real world terms. As for this, the match was bad but the angle was good, simple as that.

Savage and Sherri are with Sean and say that this was because Warrior said no to Savage. Randy says that he’s the best ever as someone is trying to get in, presumably the Warrior.

Piper and Gorilla are mad. Monsoon is rocking some purple glasses.

Gene is with the new champion and Sheik. They cut him off as Slaughter says I told you so. That belt looks odd indeed.

Gorilla calls Slaughter the Ultimate Puke. WOW. Piper rips his own headset off so he can curse for a bit. That was one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen and it was completely unintentional.

Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

This is cut from the Coliseum Video version and incredibly rare, but I got lucky and found an original recording of the show. I’ll go with a very condensed version here though as it’s a ten minute squash. This is the debut of the Mountie character who was either a bad comedy bit or the results of a Vince coke binge. For those that have noticed I make a lot of cocaine references, think about it.

For one thing, it was the 80s when cocaine was running rampant. Second, there are a ton of stories of Vince being a coke head at times. Third, is there any way that he could come up with half of his ideas without drug use? I mean really, Repo Man? Anyway, let’s get to the Hall of Famer Koko’s latest masterpiece. WOW this is boring.

It’s a squash, but it’s the kind that’s supposed to let Mountie show off all of his stuff, but the problem is it’s just putting the people to sleep. I have a feeling I know how this is going to end, which makes it all the more stupid to have to go this long just to get to that one moment. Yep there it is: Mountie shocks him. That’s the whole point of this match: getting that into the Mountie’s system. Wow that was brutal.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. It was a waste of 10 minutes in what should have been a 4-5 minute match. Why did we need to see all of Mountie’s stuff? Better yet, why did we need Koko’s? This was about the Mountie, but they gave Koko all of that offense. It makes him look like he has trouble beating a simple jobber which is the last thing you want to do with a heel character. I don’t get this.

Some people talk about their relatives in the war. Ok, we get it: the WWF supports the troops. Holy throat crammage Vince let it go. Note: saying guys and gals sounds stupid. They’re girls or women, not gals. It’s not the freaking 50s anymore.

Children attempting to be sentimental should be dragged through the streets attached to a chariot and then set on fire as goats eat their flesh. Or even worse: be forced to listen to how annoying they sound. I don’t like kids on camera in case you couldn’t tell. Now regular kids I love spending time with as they’re cool, but not kids on a camera that are “so adorable.” No, they’re really not.

Apparently Hulk wanted to go to the Middle East and visit the troops but the Department of Defense stopped him so he’s going to bases in America. Not sure if that’s true, but if it is, that’s pretty cool even if it was the company’s idea and not Hulk’s.

Jake Roberts says he wants Martel.

Earthquake says a lot of people are going to come after him and he’s ready. He calls out some guys, including Hogan and Taker. Yeah that’s brilliant buddy.

Greg Valentine, sweating profusely for some reason, says bring them on.

Texas Tornado says he’ll win. I always liked him.

The LOD say that if life is a roller coaster you wouldn’t want to ride them. Um, ok?

Brother Love speaks for Taker, saying that he’ll bury 29 men. I love how so many people assume that there will be no eliminations by the time they get there.

Duggan says he’ll win. He punches his board for no reason.

Martel says he’ll look good while he wins. He’s ripped here.

Davey Boy Smith says he’s glad he’s a bulldog. Ok then.

Perfect and Heenan say that Perfect will be the last man standing.

Tugboat says he’ll jump right in the middle of things and if it comes down to him and Hulk, TOOT! That made less than zero sense.

Piper has been working with Virgil. Oh dear.

DiBiase says Virgil is more or less his slave. That looks like a face’s face to me on Virgil. Nah that could never happen though. Perish the thought!

Dustin/Dusty Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase/Virgil

Dusty and Ted had been feuding since Summerslam and Dustin had been in the crowd at SNME watching his dad when Ted went after him. The rest is about what you would expect. Dusty was gone less than a month after this, heading back to WCW though so there we are. No polka dots either. Apparently they’re Americana. Oh great. If nothing else here the two theme songs are so awesome words can’t describe it.

They’re really building up the Virgil face turn here as they have been lately. My goodness Dusty is fat. Dustin is a complete rookie here with very little experience. He was naturally talented though so he’s not bad. A big brawl starts us out here as it occurs to me how little experience Virgil has in the ring. Dustin is WAY taller than Virgil and it looks quite funny.

It’s also amusing that of these four, Dustin would have by far the most successful WWF career. The future gold enthusiast has to duck under Virgil’s leapfrog. It never really occurred to me how tall Dustin is. DiBiase says Virgil is embarrassing him and Virgil is frustrated. You can feel the turn coming and you know it’s going to be awesome. We’re about five minutes in and Dusty hasn’t been in yet.

You know what, I’m not even going to bother typing the joke here. You all know what’s coming. Dusty, I’m begging you, either put a shirt on, hit a gym, or invest in blow away. You need it. After Virgil and Dustin come in, Dustin hits his knee on the buckle and is down. Naturally (oh I kill myself sometimes) the heels work it over. Just like Jesse used to, Piper gets a bit annoyed with Gorilla’s babbling about what body part is hurt.

He says Dustin’s leg is hurt, end of discussion, and that’s why Piper is awesome. Virgil accidentally hits DiBiase and gets punched and chopped for his efforts. Dustin and Dusty are really just placeholders for DiBiase and Virgil here. As I type this Dusty goes from being dominant to getting rolled up and pinned. Well that was pretty weak. However, we have a post match angle here. Roddy says that the father and son can come back.

Granted they both did but a good many years later. Ted says that Virgil has his price and that he needs to put the belt around his waist. Oh and he insults Dusty and Dustin. The Virgil chant is massive here and the countdown is on. Virgil really is built. Piper is disgusted by Virgil giving in again and washes his hands of him. That lasts all of about 20 seconds though as Virgil throws the belt down. He eventually gets on his knees after DiBiase orders him around even more.

DiBiase turns around and Virgil blasts him in the face with the belt. The crowd E-FREAKING-RUPTS over this. For years and years DiBiase had ordered him around and made him look pathetic and finally Virgil had enough. The payoff was completely worth it here in a very cool moment that had me smiling.

Rating: B. I’m going B here because this wasn’t as much of a match rather than an angle. The angle after the match was just flat out awesome. That needed to happen and they built it up beautifully. They had a match at Mania which Virgil won by count out. The problem was simple though: what in the world do you do with Virgil now? He had no gimmick and he just kind of floundered after this, but dang it was a great moment.

Time for more Rumble promos.

Tugboat uses a bunch of boat analogies which make me think Shockmaster was the better of his gimmicks.

Smash reminds me of the Joker for some reason.

Dino Bravo says he’s not afraid of Earthquake.

Crush says no one will be safe, not even Smash.

Perfect says he’s the only perfect athlete and he’ll win.

Hogan of course gets his own special interview where he says exactly what you would expect him to say. He dedicates the match to the troops. Say it with me: Hulk will win. In between the promo, Gene gets a message saying that Slaughter has just defaced the American flag. Yeah that’s not foreshadowing Mania at all.

In one of the absolute funniest things I can ever remember, Hogan forgets the name of the Iraqi leader (Sadaam Hussein). That was PRICELESS. He dedicates the match to the troops and freaks out over the flag issue, but wait, who are they fighting again? That was great.

Royal Rumble

It never ceases to amaze me how great the pops are for the Rumble. Bret is number one. That’s saying a lot for what they knew he had. Two is Bravo as we go over the rules. His hair is dark blond here and it looks bad. Naturally Bret looks great out there. This right here is why you need to keep an eye on your midcard and tag guys (the few that are left): you never know what kind of greatness you’ll be seeing.

The tag line of OVW is Tomorrow’s Superstars Today. Considering at a WWE house show in 2002 I saw two guys named Prototype and Leviathan go at it, truer words have never been spoken. Those two would later be known as John Cena and Batista, so there you are. Bret almost immediately gets Bravo out but not quite. They discuss the Iron Man record which is a by comparison pathetic 44 minutes at the moment.

Three is Greg Valentine. He goes after Bravo despite his being a heel at the time. Hammer puts him out, and Piper starts writing stuff down just as he did at Survivor Series. It was funny then and it’s still kind of funny now. In at four is Paul Roma. For the life of me, this guy was a Horsemen? I will never understand that no matter how long I think about it. Maybe I shouldn’t try to. Maybe that’s the secret to it.

Bret is really being pushed as a big deal here which is certainly a good thing. In a smart move, Bret just sits back and lets Hammer and Roma fight. See, that’s something almost no one does but Bret is smart enough to do it. Kerry Von Erich is fifth, giving us two faces and two heels. Piper apparently has issues with calling so much action at once. There’s two fights. How is that hard? Martel is in next, which is pretty lackluster.

I guess we’re setting up the jobbers for the big name to come in and clean house. We get some heel on heel violence as this is just boring. Saba Simba comes in at seven to dead silence. Even Gorilla isn’t sure of his name. He’s cut like few others I’ve ever seen though. You guys know him better as Tony Atlas. In a dumb thing, all six guys are in one corner. That’s just not right. Tornado has the claw on Roma for no apparent reason.

In at 8 is Butch to up the level of talent out there. Simba and Model both go over but Martel saves himself so we’re still at 6. In case you’re wondering, it’s Hart, Valentine, Von Erich, Martel, Butch and Roma. Despite commentating on it a second ago, Gorilla has forgotten about Saba being tossed. These matches go a lot faster when I’m reviewing them.

Jake comes in at 9 and of course goes right for Martel who had tried to blind him recently. This led to the blindfold match at Mania which just gets dumber and dumber every time I see it.

In a funny spot, Martel tries to eliminate himself but isn’t allowed to. We hit double digits with Hercules. The ring is WAY too full right now as we need someone to come in and clear out some of these guys. This is a lot of punching and kicking and bad attempts to throw someone out. There are eight guys out there at the moment and there’s the clock.

The eleventh entrant is Tito Santana to even further overfill the ring. Roma goes out to get us back down to eight. After about a minute the clock is up again for number twelve, which is THANK GOODNESS the Undertaker. We needed a monster to clear out some of these guys, so let’s see what he’s got. He dumps Hart in about four seconds. Taker no sells the Tornado Punch as Von Erich is a pure jobber at this point despite being IC Champion very recently.

About a minute and a half after Taker gets in, Snuka comes in at 13. Ring is WAY too full. Butch is thrown out by Taker as well to get us to eight guys out there. To recap, it’s Taker, Valentine, Martel, Hercules, Von Erich, Snuka, Santana and Roberts. Valentine and Von Erich are trying to get rid of Taker. The huge amount of people in the ring is just killing this thing. Again with the shortchanging of the clock! It’s British Bulldog to get us to 9 people in the ring. That’s just absurd.

Snuka just doesn’t look right with an afro and long tights. That’s just odd. It’s the soon to be gone Smash in at 15. Well if nothing else the ending should be good. Jake goes out to get us back down to nine in there as that just sounds stupid. Martel has a freaking scary look on his face. Hawk is the first of the second half as this match is just bad. There are too many people and there’s been more or less no story at all.

All we have here is a bunch of people leaning on the ropes and punching each other. To make this even BETTER, Shane freaking Douglas is in at 17. Dang what were they thinking on this show? It’s awful. Yes he was in WWF for awhile. We finally get rid of a bit of the crap out there as Von Erich and Superfly both go out within about 5 seconds of each other. Note: I don’t think they’re bad wrestlers, but they’re just filler here and everyone knows it.

There’s no 18, and Gorilla speculates that someone was afraid to come in. It was supposed to be Savage but he was running from the Warrior so there’s your explanation that comes at the end of the match. Piper says that the 18th entrant has until the clock starts to still come in. Doesn’t the clock always run but we just don’t see it? Why am I trying to make sense of him? 19 is Animal so we have the LOD in there together.

Apparently 18 has forfeited his spot according to the great and mighty Gorilla. Hawk and Animal put out Taker and then Hercules and Martel put out Hawk just afterwards. At least the numbers are going down a bit. There’s only eight in there now with 11 more to come. Crush of Demolition cracks the twenties.

At the moment we have Crush, Smash, Martel, Valentine, Animal, Santana, Davey Boy, Shane and Hercules and all of them are joined by Duggan at 21. He throws the board down and I guess we’ll call it runs to the ring.

Twenty two is Earthquake. Please, I beg of you, get rid of some of these guys! He takes out Animal pretty quickly. About maybe 80 seconds after Quake comes out, the Perfect entrant is in at 23. Even Piper thinks something is wrong with the clock. Perfect is more or less crawling to the ring. It took about 30 seconds to get there. That’s saying a lot. He does take out Duggan so that’s better than nothing I guess.

Wow we’re running low on people left to come in. They’re talkinga bout how long some of the people have been in there and it really is impressive. The twenty fourth is HOGAN! Yep, he should get a few people out. He gets a massive pop, so naturally he gets beaten on by Smash and Perfect. Never mind as Smash is gone almost immediately. He’s on Earthquake now as I don’t remember seeing a crowd freak out that fast after being dead for so long before.

The twenty fifth is Haku as we’re really getting close here. Hogan puts out Valentine who was in there for forty four minutes, just shy of DiBiase’s record. Martel just looks dead out there. Neidhart comes in next to get us down to four to go. Tito punches the heck out of Earthquake and is then thrown over with ease. Oh look. It’s Luke in at 27. Bets on how bad this will go anyone? He steps in, Quake grabs him and takes him to the other side of the ring and he’s gone in four seconds.

Well then there you go. To his credit he never stopped marching. Quake actually uses a full nelson on Hogan. Wow that’s like, a real wrestling move. That’s surprising. Nasty Boy Knobbs is the first of the final three. Man was the Brawler busy or something tonight? The penultimate spot goes to Warlord as absolutely nothing of note is going on here. Hercules is dumped out. Hogan tosses Crush as I just want to get to the end of this now.

Martel has the Iron Man record. Hogan knocks out Warlord as we’re at the last countdown of the match, and number 30 is Tugboat, thereby confirming that Savage no showed. Ok, so remaining in the match we have Hogan, Earthquake, Tugboat, Martel, Perfect, Douglas, Knobbs, Bulldog, Haku and Neidhart. See what I mean when I say this isn’t much of a Rumble? They figure out that Warrior ran Savage off. Knobbs throws out Douglas.

Wow that kind of shows where his career was at. Tugboat picks up Hogan and dumps him to the apron, so Hogan throws him out. He would turn heel in a few months based mainly on this, becoming Typhoon and more or less saving his career, before a good bit of electrocution ended that. Bulldog hits an amazing dropkick on Perfect to put him out. Perfect was sitting on the top rope and Smith caught him with at least one foot square in the face. That was impressive.

Martel actually puts Neidhart out clean. That’s very surprising. Smith puts Haku out with a backdrop as we’re trying to get rid of the jobbers. Smith follows that up with a clothesline to put Martel out to a pop. That’s saying a lot that the fans noticed that. I’m proud of them for that one. That gets us to the final four of Smith, Hogan (there’s a pairing that could have been interesting to say the least), Earthquake and…..Brian Knobbs?

And people say Hogan didn’t do good stuff for his friends. The heels team up and knock out Smith to get us to three. Hmm, I never thought I’d see this: Hogan stuck against two heels. I mean, this could never happen! How could he possibly get out of this one??? To further secure the Hogan victory, Earthquake hits the Earthquake and of course pops up. Piper cheering Hogan is just flat out wrong on so many levels. A boot takes out Knobbs and it’s Hogan vs. Earthquake.

Surprisingly they go at it for awhile with Quake dominating. And of course Hogan winds up winning it. After another Hulk Up, Hogan knocks out Quake with a clothesline. A HUGE celebration ends with Hogan waving the flag to emphasize America is Great angle of the show.

Rating: D+. This was just bad. It was boring for the most part with Hogan’s winning being about as obvious as you could possibly imagine. Martel was the only running story and you knew he wouldn’t stand a chance at all. Seriously, Brian freaking Knobbs was in the final three. How does that make a good match? It felt like a bunch of jobbers just killing time for Hogan, which is exactly what it was. That doesn’t make a good Rumble at all.

Overall Rating: C-. We have a great opening match, a decent match, a bad squash, a very bad title match that was all about building up Mania, another bad match and a very lackluster Rumble. My goodness that Rockers/Express match carried a lot of this show, and that’s just not a good thing.

It’s just not that good overall and while it has some moments, it’s just not there. I think Vince started realizing that this formula wasn’t working and he needed to change a thing or two, and DANG did he ever for next year. This show isn’t worth seeing, but the Rockers vs. Express match is must see stuff.

 

 

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Survivor Series 1992
Date: November 25, 1992
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This really is a different era in the WWF as we’re moving more towards a child friendly product with more over the top and at times cartoonish characters. It’s not the most interesting all the time, but with the way business was going at the time, it was clear that something had to change. Luckily that gives us a twenty six minute Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels main event. Let’s get to it.

Slick is behind a pulpit in the interview area to start and talks about how great this show was. He goes into preacher mode and talks about spreading joy and peace. I have no idea what this has to do with wrestling and I don’t think he does either.

Vince and Bobby run down the card. There are multiple gimmick matches tonight.

Headshrinkers vs. High Energy

High Energy is Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware in really ugly pants. The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu, more famous as Rikishi) don’t get an entrance. Samu and Owen start things off with Owen being thrown around pretty easily. Things speed up a bit and Owen avoids a big clothesline and hits a cross body for two. The fans are getting fired up.

Off to Koko who makes Samu miss a right hand which hits Fatu. Koko stomps on Samu’s bare feet but he tries to ram the Headshrinkers’ heads together but due to racial stereotypes, there’s no effect whatsoever. Afa, the Headshrinker’s manager, CRACKS Koko in the back with his staff and Koko is in trouble immediately. Owen is draw into the ring by some Samoan bragging, only causing Koko to get beaten down even more.

Vince tries to talk about the main events and Heenan says stick to the subject. That’s a new one. Samu hooks a nerve hold on Koko but he’s too dumb to feel pain so it’s a clothesline instead and Ware is still in trouble. A chop gets two and Samu chokes a bit. Samu misses a corner splash and there’s the hot tag to Owen. Owen dropkicks both guys down and hits a top rope cross body on Samu for two. A spinwheel kick takes Fatu down, only to get caught in a powerslam. Fatu hits a GREAT looking top rope splash to crush Owen and get the easy pin.

Rating: C+. I liked this match a lot more than I should have but I love the Headshrinkers. That top rope splash looked great and Owen sold it like the master that he was. Other than that this was a very basic match with power vs. speed and that’s the right choice for an opener. Good stuff here and I liked it a lot.

Boss Man is getting ready in the back. He says Nailz is a bad man and that he’s committed a lot of crimes and has to be punished for them.

Sean Mooney issues us a warning about how violent the upcoming match is going to be. I don’t think that’s going to be necessary. Nailz comes in and says he’s been waiting for this for a long time and now he’s out of prison. The story was that Nailz was an allegedly innocent convict that was abused by Boss Man in prison and now he’s here for revenge. It’s corny but it’s as good as anything else.

Boss Man (in his second promo in about two and a half minutes) says he’ll take out Nailz tonight. He sees Nailz in the ring and runs out to the arena.

Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

This is a nightstick on a pole match, which means you can get it down and use the stick on the other guy. Is it a DQ if the person that doesn’t pull it down uses it? That’s how the rules sound at least. Nailz tries to get to the stick but Boss Man runs out for the save. Nailz isn’t a wrestler so him using nothing but chokes and punches makes perfect sense. He chokes Boss Man down but still can’t get the stick.

A right hand puts Nailz down and Boss Man gets his hand on the stick but he gets slammed down off the top. Nailz works on Boss Man’s back a bit and chokes away some more but Boss Man shoulders him down. A splash misses and Nailz goes for the corner again, only to get crotched as this is already getting slow. A double clothesline puts both guys down and Boss Man quickly gets to the corner to get the stick. Nailz barely sells a stick shot to the face but Boss Man no sells one to the ribs and hits the Boss Man Slam for the pin.

Rating: D. This was terrible with the no selling looking awful. I mean, it’s a nightstick to the head. There are only so many ways you can get hit with that and be up twenty seconds later. Nailz never did anything other than this although he was scheduled to feud with Undertaker. Boss Man would be gone after the Royal Rumble and wouldn’t be back for years.

Nailz chokes Mooney and says that was injustice.

Tatanka, a Native American, is chanting to get ready for his match with Martel, which is over some stolen feathers. It was a different time.

Flair and Ramon are with Gene. This is a pairing that came out of nowhere but they’re in one of the main events tonight. Ultimate Warrior was supposed to team up with Savage to face these guys but Warrior went nuts and bailed on the company again, leaving Savage without a partner.

Savage was on Prime Time Wrestling (the forerunner to Raw, even though they’re very different shows) and offered the spot on his team to Flair’s manager Mr. Perfect. Heenan, Flair’s other manager, immediately said no and Perfect snapped on him and accepted the offer, causing Heenan to slap him. Bobby begs for Perfect to stay and gets water poured on him for being pathetic.

After the clip is over, Flair is all fired up and wants to know what Perfect is thinking. Perfect basked in Flair’s glory but it was only because Flair allowed it. Now Perfect has made a decision and stepped to the other side and it’s time to pay to the Nature Boy and Razor. Flair looked all kinds of fired up here and it was awesome.

Razor, still in his original persona of Al Pacino from Scarface (funny story about that: Vince is known for not seeing almost any big time movies. When Ramon was interviewing with Vince, McMahon asked him to come up with a character on the spot. Ramon went into a Tony Montana imitation from the movie Scarface without knowing Vince had never seen the move. Vince immediately thought Ramon was a genius and push him), makes generic threats. Flair was AWESOME here.

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

Tatanka is undefeated at this point and remember this is over stolen feathers. They trade chops in the corner with Tatanka taking over via a backdrop. Martel bails to the floor and I have a feeling this is going to be a long one. Rick gets knocked to the floor again and the fans don’t seem to be that interested. Martel is incorrectly called a former Intercontinental Champion. Nice job Vince.

Back inside and Martel pounds away a bit before hitting a hot shot to take over. Off to a front facelock as the fans are distracted by a fight in the crowd. Tatanka suplexes out of the hold but gets put right back in it. The yet to be named Doink the Clown pops up in the aisle making balloon animals. It’s as random of a cameo as it sounds. Another suplex puts Martel down but Rick hits Tatanka in the throat to take him down. It’s back to the stupid facelock as Doink keeps making animals. Tatanka escapes and clotheslines him down before avoiding a charging Martel in the corner.

This is going nowhere at all. Tatanka works on the arm and gets two off a backslide. Back to the arm although it’s fairly late in the match to do so. Doink is tormenting fans now. Martel sends Tatanka over the top to the floor and things somehow get even more dull. Back in and Tatanka goes on the war path and hits a top rope chop. Because he’s an Indian you see. The Papoose To Go (Samoan Drop) finally pins Martel.

Rating: D. This was a long match that wasn’t bad. It was worse than bad: it was BORING. That’s the problem with Tatanka: he only had so far that he could go and they pushed that limit WAY farther than they should have. He wasn’t anything interesting and his in ring stuff wasn’t that great. Martel was kind of hanging around at this point and he would be gone soon.

Doink pops the animals he made. That’s not nice.

Perfect talks about being in Flair’s shadow, which he finds laughable. He says Flair has wanted to be like Mr. Perfect since Flair got here, but there can only be one Mr. Perfect. Perfect says he can beat Flair and Ramon with no trouble. Savage says he knows more about surviving than anyone else. Ten days ago he had no partner but now he has Mr. Perfect. He doesn’t trust Perfect, but he thinks they could be the perfect tag team. This did a very good job of hyping up the match in short order.

Razor Ramon/Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage/Mr. Perfect

Perfect comes out separately to give Heenan momentary hope that he bailed. He comes through the curtain and Heenan ERUPTS, going on a rant that lasts through Perfect and Savage’s very slow walks down the aisle. Perfect and Ramon start things off in an AWA reunion. This is one of Perfect’s first matches in over a year so he may be a bit rusty. Perfect takes Razor to the mat and slaps him in the back of the head, sending Flair into a fit.

Ramon takes him into the corner and gets slapped in the face, which brings in Flair for the big showdown we’ve been wanting for. Perfect beats him into the corner almost immediately and pounds away. We get a Flair Flip out of the corner and Flair runs right into Savage who gets a tag a second later. Savage slaps Flair in the face to tick him off even more. Then he does it AGAIN.

Ramon and Flair both come in and get punched in the face. A couple of clotheslines take Flair down until FINALLY Ramon gets a knee in the back of Savage to slow him down. Razor tries to go for the leg but Randy kicks him off both times. When all else fails, Ramon chokes away to keep Savage in the ring. Off to Flair for more stomping and it’s Ramon in again to work on Savage’s back.

We get Ramon’s signature abdominal stretch with help from his partner spot. Vince tries to imitate Monsoon by saying Ramon needs to hook the toe but it’s just not the same. Savage hip tosses out of it but gets stomped right back down. Flair throws him over the top and tot he floor where Ramon rams Savage into the steps. Back to Ramon for a half crab and Perfect goes for a walk up the aisle. Heenan is ESTATIC.

Never mind though as he turns around and comes back. Well it was a cool moment while it lasted. Randy is busted open and Ramon pounds away on the face even faster. Flair starts covering a lot faster as he’s getting frustrated. Razor comes in and drops an elbow for two and a chokeslam gets the same. With the heels completely in control, Flair goes up top. The man may be a master in the ring, but he NEVER LEARNS.

Savage superplexes him down and Ric is suddenly in trouble. There’s a tag to Ramon and one to Perfect as well. Perfect hits the Hennig neck snap and a knee lift to both guys. Everything breaks down and Flair hits Savage with a chair to make it two on one. Perfect gets knocked into the official but he flips out of the Razor’s Edge and hits the PerfectPlex on Ramon for a delayed two as Flair makes the save. The PerfectPlex to Flair gets the same result and we have two referees in there. One of them calls the match for a DQ, much to the annoyance of the crowd. Savage and Perfect win to calm things down a bit.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was bordering on great until the lame ending. I wouldn’t see a problem with Flair getting pinned by the PerfectPlex here. They would have a great match on Raw that would send Flair packing soon enough, but for now this was a great return to the ring for Perfect who hadn’t wrestled in quite a while.

Post match Flair puts Hennig in the Figure Four and Razor gets a chair, but Savage makes a save and chases both guys off.

Flair and Ramon rant in the back.

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

Yokozuna is listed as being from the Polynesian Islands here. This is when Yokozuna is only 505lbs and he had padding in his outfit to make him look fatter. Yokozuna immediately shoves Virgil away and chops him down. Some dropkicks do some good for Virgil but Yokozuna superkicks him (and gets his foot higher than Virgil did on his dropkicks) to take over.

Virgil pounds away a bit but a Rock Bottom takes him down. Some more shots stagger Yokozuna but a sidewalk slam and a legdrop make things all better again. Yokozuna misses a charge and like an IDIOT, Virgil tries a rollup. The big man falls on him and it’s BANZAI (middle rope seated senton) for the pin.

Rating: C-. For a big time debut, this could have been better but it’s clear that no one is going to stop this guy for a long time. Yokozuna would get the rocket to the stars push soon, winning the Royal Rumble in two months and the World Title at Wrestlemania in another two months. Virgil was a jobber to the stars here and nothing more, which is all he should have been. Somehow he would keep a job until 1994.

Savage and Perfect brag a lot.

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers/Money Inc

The Natural Disasters are Earthquake and Typhoon, formerly known as Tugboat. Money Inc. (IRS and Ted DiBiase) has the Tag Team Titles and are about to fight the Nasty Boys. This is one of those “when one guy gets pinned, both team members are out” deals, so it’s a max of three falls to end this match. We start with Typhoon vs. Blake Beverly and it’s a strut off. Typhoon starts throwing Blake around and puts him in an over the shoulder backbreaker so he can hand him off to Earthquake for a bearhug.

Beau tries to cheat to help his brother but it only results in a double splash from both Disasters in the corner. Off to Knobbs as the fans aren’t interested in this match in the slightest. Knobbs runs Blake over with clotheslines and brings in Jerry who finally allows a tag to Beau. A pumphandle slam puts Beau down but he no sells it for some reason. Off to DiBiase who can’t suplex Sags, so Sags suplexes him.

Off to IRS who Jerry hiptosses down. The limited selling continues as IRS gets up and brings in Beau for a powerslam and it’s off to Beau again. Off to a chinlock from Blake as the Beverlies keep tagging in and out very quickly. Jerry tries a quick sleeper but they wind up slamming heads to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Earthquake and Blake is in trouble. Earthquake takes out all four of them and everything breaks down. For some reason Beau tries a crucifix on Typhoon and gets crushed for his efforts. The Earthquake from Earthquake eliminates the Beverlies and it’s 4-2.

DiBiase comes in to face Earthquake but gets beaten up by all four opponents in short order. Back to Earthquake who misses a splash in the corner and Money Inc double suplexes the fatter man down. IRS gets two off the suplex and picks him up to freak Bobby out again. Back to DiBiase as the fans are all over IRS. IRS chokes away on Earthquake some more and it’s back to DiBiase for some chops.

A middle rope double ax by Ted gets two so here’s IRS again. The champs do tag in and out quite well. Quake clotheslines IRS down and finally makes the hot tag to Typhoon. House is cleaned and a splash crushes IRS. DiBiase trips up Typhoon and IRS gets the easy pin to tie it up, but Jerry runs in and rolls up IRS for the fast pin to win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the ending kind of sucked. What was the point in having the Nasty Boys beat Money Inc that fast when the majority of the match was about the Disasters vs. Money Inc? The Nasty Boys were basically there to fill in a spot instead of being the focus of the match for their team. Odd indeed but it was entertaining enough.

Virgil warns Bret Hart about Yokozuna. Of course Bret wasn’t in the same room.

We recap Kamala vs. Undertaker. Undertaker beat him at Summerslam so Kamala crushed him with a bunch of splashes to a very limited effect. This set up the Coffin Match tonight, which is a regular match but the winner gets to put the loser in a coffin.

Undertaker is building a special coffin.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala immediately runs from Undertaker and they head to the floor for more not fighting. Back in and Kamala pounds away with almost no effect. Undertaker hits the yet to be named Old School and Kamala is in trouble again. A clothesline sets up some choking by the Dead Man but Kamala chops him to the floor. This is really dull so far. Kamala rams Undertaker head first into the steps and hits him in the back before we head inside. A kick to the chest puts Undertaker down for all of a second. Kamala slams him a bunch of times and three splashes. The urn is knocked into the ring and Undertaker sits up, followed by an urn shot to the head for the pin.

Rating: F. Seriously, that’s it. That’s IT? This is one of the biggest matches on the show and this is all we get? Just a dull match with nothing more than a few shots to the back and a quick ending. This didn’t even make six minutes and Undertaker didn’t even break a sweat in crushing Kamala. Nothing to see here and it was completely worthless, much like Kamala.

Undertaker nails the coffin shut.

Shawn brags about winning the Intercontinental Title a few weeks ago and says he doesn’t need Sherri. Shawn says he beat Davey and Davey beat Bret so Shawn can beat Bret.

Kamala’s managers Harvey Wippleman and Kim Chee get Kamala out of the coffin and he’s catatonic. This would lead to the arrival of Giant Gonzalez.

Bret is ready for Shawn. Gene lists off all of the micarders Bret has defended the title against with the idea being that Bret will fight anyone.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn still has the original version of his music as sung by Sherri and this is champion vs. champion, but only one title is on the line. For the sake of clarity, only Bret will be referred to as champion. Feeling out process to start and they hit the mat with Shawn getting in way over his head. Shawn works on the arm and pulls Bret to the mat but Bret nips up. So that’s where Shawn got it from. Bret cranks on the arm and Shawn cranks on the hair. Things speed up and Shawn trips Bret up but it’s right back to the arm. This technical stuff isn’t working for Shawn so far.

Michaels gets to the arm but Bret easily sends him to the floor to escape. Hart takes over on the arm again and Shawn can’t get anything going in the first five minutes or so. A cross body gets two for Bret as does a sunset flip. It’s back to the arm and Shawn is getting frustrated. They hit the ropes and Shawn catches Bret in a hot shot to finally get in some offense. A thumb to the eye puts Bret back in trouble and he charges into the post to make it even worse.

Shawn DDTs the arm as the roles have completely reversed now, although it’s due to evil ways now instead of technical and good ones. See how good psychology can be when it’s done right? Bret’s chest to the buckle spot gets two for Shawn and it’s chinlock time. They fight over a top wristlock but Shawn uses the hair again to pull Bret back to the mat. Bret fights out of the chinlock but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Shawn is one step ahead of Bret in everything the champion is trying right now.

A backbreaker gets another two for Shawn and let’s hit that chinlock again. Shawn ducks his head and a swinging neckbreaker puts him down. It doesn’t last though as cheating by means of a shot to the throat stops Bret again. A front facelock goes on and Bret rams Shawn into the corner with some shoulders to counter. Shawn charges into a boot and a bulldog puts him down. Bret misses a middle rope elbow and both guys are down again.

Michaels connects with a jumping back elbow to the face for two and it’s back to the front facelock. After two arm drops for Bret, he pulls off the fastest small package you’ll see in a long time for two. A suplex by Hart puts both guys down but things start speeding up anyway. Shawn gets sling shotted into the corner and hits the post as is his custom. Bret launches him into the corner and kicks Shawn so hard that Shawn gets crotched on the top rope.

A BIG back body drop gets two on Shawn and Bret is surprised at the kickout. Russian legsweep gets two for the champ and a backbreaker sets up the middle rope elbow for the same. Bret superplexes Shawn down but he can’t cover immediately and it only gets two. There’s a sleeper from Hart and the referee gets bumped. That goes absolutely nowhere and he’s up a few seconds later.

Bret tries another sleeper but Shawn sends him to the floor in the exact same way that Bret sent Shawn to the floor earlier in a nice bit of storytelling. Bret gets posted and we head back inside for a whip to the corner for two. The problem here for Shawn is that he doesn’t have a big time finisher as his only big move was a lame suplex. Just as I type that, Shawn superkicks Bret down. It’s not a finisher yet though so he doesn’t even cover.

Bret blocks the tear drop suplex (Shawn’s finisher, basically a high angle belly to back suplex) but the second attempt connects for two. Bret uppercuts Shawn into the ropes but Hart misses a charge and crotches himself on the top. Shawn goes up to the middle rope but he jumps right into the Sharpshooter (in the EXACT same sequence that ended regulation of the Iron Man Match at Wrestlemania XII) for the submission to keep the title on Bret.

Rating: A. It’s Bret vs. Shawn with almost 27 minutes. Were you expecting anything but a scientific war? If you make the superkick a finisher instead of a regular move, there’s no way this isn’t even better. Great match here with both guys trading great psychology the whole way through. Really good main event and a great way to show that Hulk isn’t needed to fire up a crowd as they were all kinds of into this match.

Post match here’s…..Santa Claus? He puts a hat on Bret and it starts snowing in the arena.

Post ending of the show, Bret asks Santa for better competition. Ok then.

Overall Rating: B-. This isn’t a great show but if you have about two hours to kill and a good fast forward button on whatever device you’re using, there are far worse shows you could watch. The main event is great stuff and the tag match isn’t bad either, but it’s better if you know the backstory and watch the build. This was a good show and considering there was no Hogan or Warrior on it, it was a pretty bold yet necessary step for WWF at the time. Good stuff.

Ratings Comparison

Headshrinkers vs. High Energy

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

Original: C-

Redo: D

Randy Savage/Mr. Perfect vs. Razor Ramon/Ric Flair

Original: B

Redo: B-

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

Original: C
Redo: C-

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc./Beverly Brothers

Original: D

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Original: C+

Redo: F

Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels:

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Dang I must have really grown to hate Kamala since then. Overall it’s roughly the same though.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/11/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1992-bret-vs-shawn-at-survivor-series/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 1992
Date: November 25, 1992
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

Ok so for once we really do have a ton of changes here. For one thing, this is far closer to a standard PPV. There’s one Survivor Series match which is kind of one I guess, but it’s two tag teams and if one member is eliminated both members are gone so it’s kind of a Survivor Series match but not really. The other huge difference here is that there’s no Hogan or Warrior. Warrior is on the box of the tape, but he wasn’t on the show.

He was supposed to be in half of the double main event, a tag match with Savage against Razor Ramon and Flair. However, he bailed a week before the show and the WWF had to use Mr. Perfect in what I thought was a great angle that I’ll get to later. Other than that, your main event is Bret vs. Shawn. This was a real gamble for Vince as we had never tried having two standard wrestlers go at it in a major show’s main event.

There’s no big muscle head to go out and have a match, but Vince put his faith in what he had left and to me, it worked. Other than that, this isn’t going to look like the Survivor Series. With what’s been happening lately at this show, it can’t be worse, so let’s see how this is.

We open with the Reverend Slick saying…ummm…I have no idea what he’s talking about. I think it was something about spreading light. Yeah this was a strange character but he was very energetic so I can’t complain. Vince and Bobby go over the double main event and we’re ready to go.

Headshrinkers vs. High Energy

High Energy is Koko B. Ware and Owen Hart in really bright and baggy neon pants and suspenders. Headshrinkers are two Samoans that are monsters. Guess what this is. Yep, it’s a squash, however, oddly enough the Headshrinkers are in the ring before High Energy is introduced so they look like the jobbers. That’s just odd. I’ve always been a mark for the Headshrinkers so if nothing else I’ll probably like this match.

Fatu is more commonly known as Rikishi. Vince is needling Bobby about Perfect’s face turn which is just great. How in the world is Koko a Hall of Fame member? That just boggles my mind every time I think about it. Vince says that High Energy has been very successful so far. That’s nonsense but oh well. Heenan asks Vince if the Headshrinkers will be at his house for Thanksgiving. That’s an amusing thought and oddly enough I think Vince would have fun with it.

After Koko gets the tar beaten out of him for a good while, he makes the hot tag to the most talented guy in the match, Owen. Owen comes in and beats up the Headshrinkers for a bit, but the overall mass of the fat one is too much for Owen and he’s pinned after a big splash from the top.

This was fairly long at about seven and a half minutes but it was really just an extended squash. Post match Heenan uses his Brain Scan, a telestrator, the white pen thing on the screen, to show how Owen is a turkey. In other words, he draws pictures with it.

Rating: C+. It wasn’t bad, but it was a nice breath of air compared to most Survivor Series matches. It was a standard tag team squash, which isn’t something that you see very often anymore, mainly because the tag team division sucks. Anyway, this was at least ok. It’s not great but it’s not bad. It’s certainly acceptable and a fine choice to open the show.

Alfred Hayes is with Boss Man who says he’s going to beat Nailz.

Sean Mooney says that viewer discretion is advised for the following match. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. Nailz implies Boss Man was abusive and that he’s been waiting for this. He says he’s a good climber, so does that mean he’s an escaped convict? Yeah that’s just kind of stupid.

Boss Man cuts a promo…again. He says the exact same thing. I think only one was shown on the live broadcast, but I really don’t get why they did two in a row like this. The second is better.

Nightstick on a Pole: Big Boss Man vs. Nailz

During that second promo, Boss Man runs off mid sentence to catch Nailz who is trying to get the stick early. That at least makes sense. Yep it’s a big brawl. That’s all this was supposed to be. Boss Man was more or less worthless at this point, but Nailz was going to be given the Undertaker of all people next, as he had several house show matches followed by being on the cover of the WWF Magazine. However, after nearly murdering Vince McMahon (literally) he was fired.

As you would expect, both guys go for the post but neither can get it. The pole is too short though and all you have to do is stand on the top rope. Of course since this is a pole match and all they have to do is standard climbing, it takes 20 seconds to get up there. Nailz at least has the psychology of it right as he uses mainly chokes and punches. He’s not supposed to be a polished wrestler and he’s not wrestling like one.

He’s a street fighter and he’s acting like one. At least he’s smart enough to do that. This is just a sloppy match all around. They’re worn out after about three minutes with no big bumps yet. The way Bobby and Vince are talking about it you would think this was a Hell in a Cell match or something. See, if I were in this match, I’d let the other guy get the stick and then jump him on the way down, but then again I’m not a professional.

Boss Man gets the stick and beats Nailz with it, but a shot to the head isn’t enough to keep him down apparently. Nailz gets it and hits Boss Man in the side with it. He then waits for him to get up, misses a shot, gets punched twice, whipped in and the Boss Man Slam ends it. Yep that’s it. This was a waste of time.

Rating: D+. This was just awful. There was no point at all to it and it should have been a standard match instead of this mess. The nightstick served next to no purpose but of course it looked like it was awesome. It just wasn’t entertaining at all and ended without the stick being a factor. Just make it a one on one next time people.

Nailz, while choking Mooney, says that was more injustice.

Tatanka is in the back with Alfred Hayes. He says that tonight he’ll get back his eagle feathers and honor his people. Well at least it’s borderline original.

Gene is with Flair and Razor. Gene talks about how there was a big swerve going on and how Perfect is the new partner. We go to the tape of Prime Time Wrestling where Perfect turned. This was just after Warrior had left and Savage was on satellite from Florida. He says that his partner could be perfect for him.

The design of the show was a round table with Vince, Hillbilly Jim, Jim Duggan, Heenan and Perfect there discussing various things in the company and talking about matches that were shown. That’s actually a pretty cool idea when you think about it. Anyway, Vince says do you mean Mr. Perfect and Savage says he does. Heenan speaks for Perfect, saying that they both take orders from Flair and that Perfect isn’t wrestling anywhere.

Perfect takes offense to this and says that he’s tired of being ordered around before accepting. Heenan slaps him which causes Perfect to grab him by the tie and pour water over him, saying that Flair is afraid of him. We cut back to Flair, who is TICKED over this. He talks to Perfect, saying that he had it all and is throwing it away.

There’s a hint of fear in his voice which is just great as this is a heck of a promo. Ramon says that his team will win. He really wasn’t that good yet and it showed in his promos. He would get a lot better. The partnership here was always kind of a weird one as it was never really explained.

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

This is happening because Martel stole some feathers from Tatanka which were important. Well it’s better than nothing I guess. This is a bit of a departure from the Survivor Series idea wouldn’t you say? Heenan goes on a huge rant about life in general, mainly focused on Perfect. Martel chokes and Heenan shouts out that HE HAS TIL FIVE!

Sgt. Slaughter is now an enforcer of rules or something like that. A front facelock by Martel gets him nowhere. Scratch that as it gets him suplexed. Ok so it failed him once so now we go right back to it. Doink is here now as he has only been here for about five weeks now. Amazingly enough the facelock leads to ANOTHER suplex. That’s just appropriate.

Doink makes a balloon animal for a kid and steals it. That’s straight up awesome. Martel uses the hold AGAIN. Dude three times with the same hold in 3 minutes? Seriously? Are you that bored? A cop shows up in the front row and takes a sign as we cut away. It probably said WCW or something like that, making that person EVIL!

Martel hits the post with his shoulder so the stereotype goes after it, showing some intelligence. Backslide gets two which of course Vince swears is a pin. Doink continues to be a big focus here but I don’t think anything ever came of his involvement here. How weird is it to think that Vince has been WWF Champion but neither of these guys were?

Martel works on the back now as Tatanka is in trouble. Decent little match so far if nothing else. Double axe off the middle rope eats fist though and here comes the warpath thing. Top rope chop hits Martel and he’s in big trouble. Samoan drop ends it and Tatanka gets the feathers back. Doink pops the kids’ balloons just to be evil.

Rating: C-. This was fine for what it was: a midcard match that nothing ever really came of. It was the end to this mini-feud and nothing else ever came of it. Both guys were at least ok in the ring and it went fine I guess. Nothing ever came of the Doink thing though, which means it was indeed, completely pointless, for him to be out there at the end.

We go to Mooney who is with Savage and Perfect, who say that they’re a strange team but they respect each other. In some weird way, this match actually looks decent enough I guess. Perfect gives a WOO at the end which ticks Bobby off during the intros.

Razor Ramon/Ric Flair vs. Mr. Perfect/Randy Savage

The faces get a HUGE pop, especially Savage. How in the world did Vince not push him as top face once Hulk left? I’ll never get that for the life of me. He had everything: the look, the ability, the resume, yet for no apparent reason he was put behind the announce desk. That just doesn’t make sense to me. Heenan is so angry about this match that it’s hilarious. We start with Perfect against Ramon which gets yet another pop.

This AWA reunion begins with Perfect being all over the place and outmaneuvering Razor. The forgotten aspect is that these two are former AWA World Tag Team Champions. Perfect nails Flair and we get the big showdown. Savage and Flair is one of the best feuds ever. Both guys can go in the ring and it offered proof that the company could work without the big orange man to help them out. The heels take over now as Ramon puts on an abdominal stretch.

Vince has apparently been hanging out with Monsoon too much as he criticizes it for a lack of the hook of the toe. Has anyone ever done that hold properly? The heels are dominating Savage now, which makes sense as Perfect hasn’t been around for about a year now so it makes sense that he’s on the apron for a lot of the match. As Savage is being beaten on, Perfect turns to walk away. This makes limited sense as there’s no point to it really.

The heels do the smart thing and point Savage’s face at Perfect leaving, which would I guess work to break his spirit a bit. See, that’s why Flair is better than most wrestlers: he had the mental aspect of wrestling down. That’s a critical key to a wrestler that most people don’t have. Heenan ranting about Perfect is flat out awesome. This has been a pretty good match so far. It’s not great, but it’s what you would expect from a main event level tag match I suppose.

Razor hits a chokeslam which doesn’t have a name yet. Heenan says that he’s seen Ramon do that to the people on the streets of Miami. What area of Miami is Ramon from? I’ve never been there but apparently 6’6 men chokeslam you on the cement there. That’s fairly cool. Also, as Ramon goes for the cover and Perfect looks for the save, Bobby yells “GET OUT OF THE RING YOU LOWLIFE!”

That’s just an awesome line if there ever was one. He sounds so ticked off which is all you can ask for here. Flair goes to the top, and I’ll give you two guesses as to what happens. Actually you would be wrong because Savage does something different here. He climbs to the middle rope before going back to the bottom rope to slam him. That wouldn’t really add anything to the move I don’t think, but whatever, it looked cool.

This lets Savage get the hot tag to Perfect who proceeds to clean house. It’s chair time as Savage gets taken out by a shot from Flair. The referee gets bumped and apparently the other one was just behind the curtain because he’s out there in like 4 seconds. Perfect and Ramon are going at it and Razor sets for the Edge. Perfect gets a sweet counter by kicking off the top rope and backdropping Ramon.

He hits the Perfectplex but only gets two because of Flair. He hits another on Flair but no pin again with Razor making the save. Since both guys are in the ring forever, we get the DQ in a cheap ending. Flair puts him in the figure four and eventually Savage makes the save with a chair as the faces win. The face celebration takes way too long as they’re channeling Hogan I guess.

Rating: B. The ending hurts it a bit, but this was solid. It was a good tag match and while it didn’t have a definitive ending, it might be better that it didn’t here. Perfect looked good while Ramon looked pretty good as well. This was what you would expect from these four in this kind of a match. It went fine though, and I can’t really complain about anything other than the ending I guess. Bobby’s rants are great here.

Flair and Ramon are angry of course and they vow revenge.

Yokozuna vs. Virgil

This was the not incredibly fat Yoko, as he’s only 505 at this point and the monster that we know him as. He’s billed from Polynesia here which is just odd in all respects. We get a segment from earlier in the day where Hayes goes to Yoko’s room for an interview but Yoko is getting a massage. Fuji offers to let Alfred get a massage. He’s liking it as Fuji throws him out. Vince tries to make this match sound good. That’s just funny.

Despite being Polynesian apparently, Fuji has the Japanese flag. Vince says he hasn’t been tested yet. Apparently that’s going to be the case after this match too. Naturally, Virgil really can’t do much here. It’s basic jobber offense with punches and dropkicks that fail more and more every time. Yoko hits a sweet kick to the face that knocks him down with ease. He crushes him with a sweet spinning rock bottom suplex.

The squashing continues as Virgil tries to out move him. Vince says he’s trying to stay away from him as he’s running right at him. I love that classic Vince commentary. In a spot I’ve always wanted to see, Virgil goes for a school boy and Yoko just sits on him. That’s as simple as you could get and it worked perfectly. Within a few seconds the Banzai ends this one.

Rating: C. It’s a squash so I guess we’ll call it average. Virgil of course stood no chance here and it was nothing more than a way to get Yoko over and there’s nothing at all wrong with doing that here. It gave him a win over a somewhat big name and Virgil gets to eat tonight, so things are fine here. It was short, under four minutes that is, so what can I really complain about?

We go to the back with Savage and Perfect who say that was great. They say Ramon and Flair are the turkeys.

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc./Beverly Brothers

This is the elimination tag I was talking about earlier. Money Inc. are the tag champions here and are in the middle of a feud with the Nastys that I don’t remember in the slightest. DiBiase is wearing the stupid white attire again which if you’ve read my thoughts on Summerslam 92, you know my take on. The other two teams had fought at Summerslam so I guess that constitutes a feud, despite it being a squash. Yeah that makes sense.

The Nastys are WAY over. That’s quite surprising to me. Again, this is a very boring match indeed. I don’t get the point in having these kinds of things, although I guess in this case only having one works fine. This is even a switch from the normal stuff and it’s still rather pointless. Vince asks if Heenan will be on an upcoming European tour. Heenan says he might but it’s really none of Vince’s business.

I love lines like that where given what we know now the meanings are far different. Yep, this match sucks as well. Why can’t there just be interesting matches on a show? I don’t get how hard that is to accomplish. Anyway, after about five minutes of people just beating on each other with the freaking Nasty Boys being the most over out there (I will never get wrestling fans at times), we get to what we knew was coming: the wild brawl.

Out of this, the Beverlies go down to the Earthquake from Earthquake. He really needed a better name for that move. My goodness Typhoon was worthless. Actually that’s not true. He was good for comedy, as he’s more commonly known as the legendary Shockmaster. Good grief this will just not end.

The heels dominate for a few minutes until Typhoon comes in to clean house a bit. This works for awhile until IRS rolls him up to eliminate the Disasters. Within five seconds, Knobbs rolls him up for the win. I kind of like that ending I think.

Rating: D. Oy this was another horrible match. There’s just no point to this match other than to further Nasties vs. Money Inc., which begs the question of why not just have them go at it by themselves? Wouldn’t that make things a lot easier? I’d certainly think so. Either way, this was nothing special and for the most part was just flat out boring. That seems to be a trend here.

We recap Taker vs. Kamala with the main thing being Kamala is scared of caskets. Why does that not surprise me? We see Taker building a massive casket before we go to the arena for the match.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

This is different than the traditional casket match with the rules here being that you have to get the pinfall and THEN put them in the box. Yeah that’s just redundant. The intros here are long but not modern day Taker long as it only takes about five minutes for both guys to come out. Taker and Bearer have the massive coffin with them which is always cool looking, but this one is way too bright for my liking.

Immediately we see the two major issues in this match. First of all, Kamala sucks, badly. Even for a monster he sucks. Second, the coffin aspect is just stupid since it’s pinfall first. Due to that, there’s really no point to the box aspect. They should have made it one or the other, but granted this was a first so they were really in the dark at this point. So far this is your standard monster vs. monster match. Taker beats on both managers but gets chopped by Kamala. This was a very odd time in Taker’s career.

They knew that he was a huge asset and talent, but they had absolutely no clue what to do with him. Since they didn’t know all they did was throw him against monster after monster whom Taker would usually beat after losing an initial encounter. This feud in particular since after this at the Rumble, Whippleman would bring in Giant Gonzalez who would destroy Taker for a bit before Taker put him away at Summerslam.

About 12 years later, the feud was completely recycled but with Muhammad Hassan and Mark Henry combining to play the role of Kamala and Great Khali being Gonzalez. The IWC HATED this feud because we were literally calling every single thing that was going to happen and we were right. Now to be fair, they waited over 10 years so I guess it’s ok, but still it was a very boring 8 months as far as we were concerned when it came to Taker.

Kamala starts taking over and hits some of the worst splashes ever. Like I’ve said, unless it’s from the top rope, for the most part if you use a splash for a finisher, odds are you’re not a very good wrestler. With Taker down, Kim Chee and Kamala literally play hot potato with the urn. Taker sits up and nails Kamala with it for the pin. See, after that they ring the bell, which shows how stupid this is. They roll Kamala into the coffin and literally nail it shut. Yep that’s it.

Rating: C+. Eh, given what they had this was about as good as it was going to get I suppose. Taker winning was never in doubt at all, but it was ok. It certainly could have been worse but they kept it short and that was a big plus for these guys. There’s really not a lot that they’ll be able to do, so I’m happy with this overall. The gimmick was a bit stupid, but they didn’t know what they were doing, so this is slightly above average.

Shawn cuts a pretty bad promo, talking about how he beat Bulldog for the IC belt, who beat Hart for the belt at Summerslam. Apparently Bret has defended the title the most times in history, which is impressive since I think he won it about 6 weeks before this. He was brand new to the big time and you could see he was very nervous.

We get a pointless bit about Kim Chee and Harvey opening the casket and Kamala not being able to move. And that’s about it.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

After Shawn’s intro, we go to the back for an interview with Bret. Since winning the belt he’s defended against Mountie, Berzerker, Rick Martel, Papa Shango and Virgil. And people have the nerve to ask why his first reign wasn’t taken seriously. Bret talks about how thankful he is for what he’s done and how he’s gotten this far. This had the potential to be a great promo, but Bret just wasn’t that good on the mic yet, which is understandable.

It fit his character really well as he was supposed to be the best pure wrestler in the world and while he couldn’t talk he could go in the ring. That’s what he did, and it worked very well. Like I said, this was a huge gamble for the company as they had no clue how to do a big show without Hogan or Warrior. This could have sunk the company for Vince, but thankfully he stuck to his guns and put two of his best young guys out there.

Bret gets a solid pop but not huge. Vince of course tries to make it sound bigger than Hogan ever got. Heenan gets in a great line. Vince says that Bret is likely the most scientific champion of all time. Heenan in his most condescending and annoyed voice says wrong. Vince asks who. Heenan: Flair. He sounds so snobby and annoyed here that it’s perfect. They start with a lengthy feeling out period, which makes sense here and works well since both of these guys can do just about anything.

Also, at this time Shawn doesn’t use the kick as his finisher, but rather a weird suplex move. The kick is in his arsenal but it’s just a run of the mill move. He’s kind of like a rookie MMA Brock Lesnar. He had everything else but he couldn’t finish people. Bret gets a hammerlock and Shawn actually taps but since it’s 1992 no one gets that. Dang maybe he’s more like Lesnar than I thought. Heenan mentions he gets paid a lot of money to do his job.

Vince’s “I’m sure you do” response is full of sarcasm which again is funnier now given that we know he signs Heenan’s checks. Given that this is a pretty long opening part of the match, the fans are staying into it which is a very good thing. Shawn uses that same rolling counter for a hip toss that he’s used before and it’s still completely awesome. Vince really likes talking about how Bret won the title.

How they evolved into what they became just five years later amazes me. We pick up the pace a bit which makes the match more interesting. Granted it was fine before but now it’s a bit better. Bret takes the standard momentum turning bump of having his shoulder hit the post at full speed.

Shawn shifts into a standard heel offense and this is working pretty well. These two have a natural chemistry between them and it’s never once failed to deliver at least a very good match. Even the Montreal match was at least good before the ending.

They continue the debate over who is stronger which never was answered I don’t think. Heenan, talking about Shawn, says this man is hot. Where’s Becca when I need her? I love how Vince orders the referees around. I wonder if he criticizes them about it later on. They kind of mention that Bret has won the Triple Crown but they don’t call it that. Pedro Morales had already done it so they can’t really say much about Bret.

Bobby goes to some classic insults about Bret’s family, which are likely what he was best at. We’ve been in this chinlock far too long now as Shawn just doesn’t have the variety in his offense to be able to pull off a nearly half hour match like this is. Given another year or two though he easily could, but he just wasn’t there yet. It seems that all he knows are rest holds, which I guess he’s using to just stall for time.

That’s fine I guess, but he needs to do some standard stuff in between them to prevent it from becoming boring. Heenan’s random talk of Razor and Flair is amusing. He played the role perfectly. You can tell Vince just can’t keep up with Heenan on the mic and it’s great to hear. Of course, Vince believed he was ten times the commentator that Gordon Solie was so who cares apparently.

Now that we’re out of the rest holds we’re turning it up a bit and now we’re getting good. Shawn of course gets hit with a sling shot which is one of his standard bumps that always works. Vince mentions that Bret has what a champion is made of. Vince, they’re both champions. Of course that’s not mentioned, so I guess even back then the IC Title was being buried. Dang I love that Russian Leg Sweep that Bret does.

For some reason Vince says what is going on. Well Vinny, it’s called a wrestling match. You might have seen one before but apparently not. The referee gets bumped in the corner but is up about 3 seconds later. I think that was unintentional. There’s just something missing from this match and I can’t put my finger on it. What I guess it is would be that neither of these guys are really huge stars yet.

Yes Bret is world champion, but he’s held it for such a short time that he’s still kind of viewed as a midcard guy. That’s what happened to Eddie during his run with the belt and it’s a hard thing to shake off. It’s a good match, but still there’s just an x factor that isn’t there. I think it’s a combination of Bret not going for the legs and Shawn having no finisher to end things with.

Today he would have the kick that he could hit from nowhere. He it looks like both guys are hoping to hit a rollup or something, and that’s what I think is missing. Shawn gets tied up in the ropes but is out in time for Bret to miss some big move and kind of get crotched. Apparently Bret is running himself too thin and whoever fights him next will beat him.

In the exact same ending to regulation time in the iron man match, Shawn misses a top rope dropkick and Bret gets the Sharpshooter to end this. That’s interesting that they would use the exact same ending sequence for regulation in the Iron Man match. And here comes…Santa Claus? What the heck? Yes, Santa is coming down the aisle, the night before Thanksgiving. What in the world? He puts a Santa hat on Bret’s head as it starts snowing in the arena.

I think I’m in one of X’s trips as this makes zero sense. Maybe it’s not snowing. Vince says it is but I don’t see any of it. Oh there it is. Vince says ho ho ho as we end it. After it ends, Bret is with Santa and he says he wants big and bad opponents for Christmas. That’s kind of cool I guess, but still, WHAT THE HECK?

Rating: A-. The lack of a Shawn finishing move here really hurt things. There was never a moment where you really felt that Shawn could pull it off because even though he sets for the suplex at one point, it’s a freaking belly to back suplex. Why should that be considered special?

It wasn’t and thankfully he changed to the kick…a few years later. Other than that, this was a good match. It’s not great, but it’s certainly worth seeing. These guys would go on to have classic after classic, but this one is really forgotten I think.

Overall Rating: C+. Well it’s better than anything that this show has done since the first one, so it gets a passing grade but not by much. This just flat out wasn’t that great. There’s two very good matches in the double main event, but the rest of the show is just above average at best. It was a gamble and it worked, but it didn’t feel like the Survivor Series at all. It worked, but not great like I said. It’s recommended though, but not very strongly at all.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 8, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Rob Bartlett

As long as Bartlett isn’t Elvis here, everything should be fine. We are now less than a month away from Wrestlemania and that means we are going to be hearing more about Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna and the other match which might be treated as a bigger deal, with the Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The Mega Maniacs and Jimmy Hart are ready for Money Inc. at Wrestlemania because they know Jimmy is the #1 Hulkamaniac. He knows all of Money Inc.’s weaknesses, but Brutus’ face isn’t weak at all. Hulk has been hitting him in the face with a metal briefcase all week and can’t put a dent in him. They’re planning to have the titles on their motorcycles as they ride up and down the highway because they’ve been training to the song Getting To Know You. They have a surprise too, but for tonight, from New York, it’s Monday Night Raw.

Opening sequence.

Thankfully Bartlett is just himself this week. On the downside, Bartlett is still here.

Virgil/El Matador vs. Money Inc.

Non-title. They take their time circling each other to start, with Ted mocking Virgil for old times’ sake. Matador and DiBiase start things off with Matador hitting an elbow to the face for a fast two. The headlock goes on for a bit and it’s quickly off to Virgil, who backs DiBiase into the corner for the tag off to IRS. Some hiptosses into some clotheslines send IRS outside but it’s right back in for a double back elbow. The arm cranking is on as I keep failing to black Bartlett out on commentary.

Virgil and Matador take turns working on the arm with an exchange of wristlocks and armbars. We take a break and come back with Matador fighting out of a headlock but getting forearmed down by DiBiase. A head to head collision sets up the double tag, meaning Virgil can come in for another clothesline. Bartlett: “How come IRS wears a tie and DiBiase doesn’t even wear a shirt?” Everything breaks down and IRS hits a belly to back suplex to finish Virgil at 11:03.

Rating: C. It wasn’t the most thrilling match but you can only do so much with the situation they were in. Money Inc. getting a clean win helps build them up for Wrestlemania, even if it isn’t a match that carries any significant weight. If nothing else, it’s always nice to see Tito Santana, even when his career is winding down.

We recap Tatanka beating Shawn Michaels in some tag matches to set up his Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania.

Rick Martel comes out and takes over the Raw Girl’s duties because he’s a better model. Makes enough sense.

Tatanka vs. Phil Apollo

Apollo would later take over as Doink once he turned face. Tatanka hiptosses him outside to start and chops away before heading back inside. The match is enough of a backdrop that Shawn Michaels can call in to say Tatanka is going to roll snake eyes at Wrestlemania. Apollo gets in a few shots as Shawn guarantees he is the only sure thing in the WWF. Tatanka goes on the war path and finishes with the Papoose To Go at 2:42. Shawn’s promo was very simple but it did all it needed to do.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Report, with Gene Okerlund talking about the double main event.

Bret Hart talks about studying the undefeated Yokozuna. He knows Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji have no respect for him but he likes going in as the underdog.

Fuji and Yokozuna promise to leave with the title.

Undertaker and Paul Bearer are ready to destroy Giant Gonzalez.

Back in the arena and Martel takes over another modeling job, with Bartlett making Gilligan’s Island references (fair enough given Martel’s attire).

Papa Shango vs. Mike Edwards

Shango slams him down and hits a jumping elbow, followed by the running splash in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two with Shango letting him up. Shango headbutts him between the legs and hits the shoulder breaker for the easy pin at 2:31.

Bob Backlund vs. Tony Demoro

Demoro is in good shape but won’t shake hands to start. Backlund takes him down with ease and then does it again to show off the grappling. Demoro is sent outside as Bartlett is sent off to interview Martel (thank goodness). Some grappling on the mat goes well for Backlund but Demoro backs him into the corner for the break. A butterfly suplex into a cradle finishes Demoro at 3:47.

Rating: C-. I can go with Backlund’s amateur stuff as he is one of the best ever at making it look natural. That being said, this version of Backlund did not work out that well in this generation. It wasn’t the right time and fans didn’t care, but it isn’t like it’s insane to give someone who was that successful before another run.

Rick Martel insults Rob Bartlett and can’t believe that there is such little class around here. As for tonight, Martel is ready to prove that he is a better wrestler than Mr. Perfect.

Rick Martel vs. Mr. Perfect

Martel slams him down to start but gets kicked away and we have a standoff as commentary talks about rapping. Back up and Martel cartwheels into some jumping jacks, only to have perfect cartwheel away as well. Martel suplexes him into an armbar but Perfect sends him outside without much effort.

We take a break and come back with Martel’s gutwrench suplex getting two. The reverse chinlock goes on (Bartlett: “He’s riding him like a horse.”) for a bit until Martel’s slingshot splash hits knees. Perfect comes back with some atomic drops, giving us the awesome Martel selling. We take another break and come back with….Perfect having won during the commercial? We’ll say it was about 10:00.

Rating: C. You knew that these two were going to be able to do something nice but the ending was a rather rare sight. Or not so much a sight as we didn’t see it but you get the idea. Perfect was still quite a valuable member of the roster and Martel could make anyone look good, so it’s hard to find much to complain about here. Save for missing the ending of course.

Post match we see the finish, which was a clean PerfectPlex. We couldn’t just watch that as it aired?

Post break Perfect brings the Raw Girls back out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the worst show but at the same time there is only so much that can be done with the mess that is Wrestlemania IX season. There is a reason that this is seen as one of the darkest times in company history and it is still a mess. That being said, the early days of Raw are still fascinating in a way, as you can feel the changes taking place that would make the show what it would become. This wasn’t very good, but it’s so early in Raw that you can’t really complain too much.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6