Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1999 (2013 Redo): The Cameo Show

Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Jesse lectures Chyna and HHH about not cheating. Chyna is allowed to be out there but the pinfall has to be in the ring and it has to be legal.

The recently debuted Chris Jericho yells at Jericholic Howard Finkel for being late.

Edge and Christian are ready for Tag Team Turmoil (a tag team gauntlet match) tonight. They outgrew Gangrel and are ready for his new team: the Hardys.

Tag Team Turmoil

The Hollys fight again.

Big Show and Undertaker arrive.

Al Snow grooms his dog Pepper and warns him of Boss Man singing Ethel Merman songs. Good advice actually.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is defending and Dogg is doing commentary. Before the match Snow leaves Pepper in a small kennel in the back. Snow: “You know Head came to the ring with me.” Snow is waiting on Boss Man on the set and hits a high cross body to get us going. Dogg gets up and is going to be a roving reporter. Snow hits Man with a chair and they go to the back almost immediately.

Snow runs back across the street to check on Pepper but has to beat up Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie for some reason.

Rock verbally massacres Michael Cole by insulting his tie and implying Cole is a bit coome ci coom ca. Not that it matters as Rock is going to destroy Billy Gunn tonight. This was a bad time for Rock as he had a bunch of nothing feuds until he got back into the title hunt to close out the year.

Billy Gunn has a surprise under a tarp.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

We see Shane attacking Test earlier today.

Test says this is serious tonight.

Test vs. Shane McMahon

Test takes Shane down to start but Shane hits a quick spear back inside, only to be pounded in the corner. A backdrop puts Shane down as the Posse drinks champagne. Shane is sent HARD into the steps and then into the crowd for a drink to the head. Test catches Shane diving off the barricade and powerslams him down onto the floor. Shane staggers around ringside so Test launches him at the Posse to tip the couch over.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate post match.

Tag Titles: Kane/X-Pac vs. Big Show/Undertaker

Taker is knocked to the floor and Pac dives off the apron to take him down. The crotch chop earned X-Pac an elbow to the face and a smile from me. Kane saves him little buddy and take Undertaker down with the top rope clothesline. Taker comes right back with his running DDT but Kane is up almost immediately. Big Show comes in to throw Kane around and drops him with a superkick.

Jesse gives Austin the same speech.

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. Triple H

Triple H and Austin start fast in the ring but Mankind pulls HHH to the floor and sends him onto the announce table. All three head into the ring with HHH being ping ponged back and forth by right hands from both guys. Mankind offers Austin a handshake but gets punched in the face instead. HHH is knocked to the floor and Mankind misses a charge at Austin to send him to the outside as well.

HHH loads up the Pedigree on Mankind but Austin clotheslines HHH down to break it up. Austin punches both of his challengers and hits a Stunner on HHH but Mankind breaks up the count at two. Austin sends Mankind into the post but walks into the Pedigree. Mankind pops back up though and knocks HHH down before hitting the double arm DDT on Austin for the pin and the title in a surprise.

Post match HHH destroys Austin and his knee with a chair, putting him on the shelf for a month.

Ratings Comparison

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Tag Team Turmoil

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow

Original: B

Redo: C

Ivory vs. Tori

Original: F

Redo: F+

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Shane McMahon vs. Test

Original: B

Redo: B

Unholy Alliance vs. X-Pac/Kane

Original: D+

Redo: D

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

Original: B-

Redo: D+

HHH vs. Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: D+

WOW and I thought 1990 was screwed up.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/03/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1999-the-body/

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Smackdown – May 2, 1999: They’re Here Too

Smackdown
Date: September 2, 1999
Location: Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the second regular episode of the show and in theory that means things are still going to be stacked for the time being. The WWF is going to want to get as much attention to this show as they can right off the bat and they’re coming in hot with HHH as the new WWF Champion. Other than that, Unforgiven is coming up so the build might begin soon. Let’s get to it.

Here is Monday Night Raw if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Chyna vs. Billy Gunn

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot. Hold on though as here is Intercontinental Champion Jeff Jarrett (with Debra and Miss Kitty) to join commentary. Chyna pulls down her trunks to get to Gunn to start, earning herself a kick into the corner. Gunn grabs a delayed vertical suplex but Chyna is right back with a DDT for two.

An elbow to the face drops Chyna as Jarrett wants more aggression. Chyna is sent outside and hang on as she seems to have hurt her elbow. Tis but goldbricking of course though as Chyna sends him into the steps to take over again. Back in and the referee gets bumped, meaning Gunn’s Fameasser gets no count. Cue HHH with a Pedigree to Gunn to give Chyna the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one as they blazed through it and then had the interference. Granted for 1999, that’s a pretty clean finish, as there were only three people involved. Chyna vs. Jarrett for the title is a big enough deal, as Chyna continues to be completely unlike any woman wrestling has ever seen. If nothing else, Gunn vs. HHH has potential to be…I’m not sure what that would be actually but it seems to be where we are going, even if it is for the short term.

Here is a ticked off Big Show to say he is tired of the “ink sack carcass of dead meat” the Undertaker giving him all of this tough love so get down here NOW. Instead he gets Paul Bearer, who doesn’t like that kind of rudeness to Undertaker. Show drops him with one shot and demands the man instead of the messenger.

Cue Undertaker to get in Show’s face and whisper something in his ear. That leaves Show confused, but Undertaker says Show did a good number on Bearer. Then Undertaker grabs Show by the throat and says if he ever disrespects him like that again, he’ll choke Show with his own tongue. Bearer wakes up and looks stunned as the other two leave. The evil alliance continues, and that should be a good thing going forward as you can always use a pair of giants.

Here is Mankind to talk about…..playing electronic football as a kid. He happened to be naked at the time and his mother walked in. That was the most embarrassing moment of his career, at least until he lost to Shane McMahon. Therefore, he wants revenge, but he also wants to talk about the Rock. He admires the Rock’s testicular fortitude for facing Big Show and Undertaker on his own, which is what made Mankind want to be his partner.

Cue the Rock (with Mankind trying to start his own ROCKY chant) to say they’re partners but they’re not friends. Rock does recognize how crazy Mankind is but he NEVER wants Mankind to talk about Rock’s testicles again. Cue Shane McMahon, with HHH and Chyna, to interrupt. Shane brags about HHH being World Champion and knows Rock and Mankind want a title shot. That’s why they can meet in a #1 contenders match later tonight, and if they don’t bring it, they’re suspended for six months.

Also tonight, HHH gets to defend against a bald headed SOB. HHH panics, though Shane never said any name. With the villains gone, Mankind reminds Rock that he beat him for the WWF Title the last time they were in this very building. Mankind suggests that Rock could go easy on him tonight (Mankind: “That sounds cool to Mankind.”) but that isn’t going to happen. Instead, Rock threatens to shine the title up real nice and stick it inside Mankind, though Mankind doesn’t think it’ll fit. These two have amazing chemistry and Mankind’s reactions are always hilarious.

There is a limo waiting in the back.

Howard Finkel, as brainwashed by Chris Jericho, interrupts Tony Chimmel for embarrassing him….so let’s have a tuxedo match. The winner can be the ring announcer for the show, but Chimmel isn’t interested. Finkel is ready to go, and then decks Chimmel anyway. Let’s just ring the bell and get this over with.

Tony Chimmel vs. Howard Finkel

Tuxedo match and Chimmel gets Fink’s jacket off as Chris Jericho is watching in the back. Fink loses his shirt and pants, revealing the red underwear. The rest of the clothes come off as this was the rare stripping match squash.

X-Pac asks Kane to stay in the back tonight so he won’t be seen as Kane’s little buddy again.

Mankind respects The Rock, but tonight he can become #1 contender in the same arena where he became WWF Champion before. Oh and he’ll try to avoid Rock doing something to him with a belt.

HHH is worried about Shane McMahon’s announcement but Chyna tries to calm him down.

During the break, Chris Jericho suggested Howard Finkel become an underwear model. I didn’t expect to hear that today.

Chris Jericho vs. X-Pac

Hold on though as cue Ken Shamrock to chase Jericho away before the bell. X-Pac calms Shamrock down (that’s impressive) and then kicks Jericho in the face to start. A belly to back suplex gives X-Pac two and here are Big Show and Undertaker to watch from the stage. Jericho gets knocked off the top and out to the floor but manages to cut off a baseball slide to take over. A suplex back inside gives Jericho an arrogant two but he dives into a raised boot. X-Pac makes the comeback, including the flipping clothesline for two, followed by the kick to the head in the corner. The Bronco Buster connects but Big Show comes in to jump X-Pac for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Jericho is still off to a bit of a weird start around here but at least he has a feud going with Shamrock. At the same time, you have X-Pac in the lands of the giants and it still isn’t quite working. Seeing him getting beaten up over and over makes sense, but it’s a stretch to buy him hanging in there when he actually faces these giants. X-Pac is very talented, though there comes a point where it’s hard to believe what you’re seeing.

Post match Show goes after X-Pac as Shamrock runs back out to chase Jericho off. Kane runs in to save X-Pac but Undertaker, still on the stage, says Kane caring for X-Pac makes him weaker.

Post break Shamrock can’t get into Jericho’s locker room.

HHH wants an explanation from Shane McMahon but gets nothing.

WWF Title: HHH vs. ???

HHH is defending and here is Shane to introduce his bald headed SOB opponent: GILLBERG, whose Light Heavyweight Title isn’t on the line. Suddenly HHH and Shane are fine again, even as Gillberg hits a spear to start fast. A gordbuster gets HHH out of trouble though and the beating is on in the corner. Shane joins commentary as Gillberg fights back, only to miss a spear and hit the post. The Pedigree retains the title fast.

Post match HHH grabs a chair, punches out the referee, and wrecks Gillberg’s knee.

We recap Big Boss Man kidnapping Al Snow’s dog Pepper. Boss Man told Snow to come to his hotel room this week and he’ll get Pepper back.

Earlier today, Snow went to the hotel room where Boss Man (who Snow keeps calling Ray in a rare moment for Boss Man) says Pepper is at the cleaners. Boss Man offers him some food, which Snow eats….and is then told that it’s his dog cooked up. Snow, with the chair stuck to him, is immediately sick, so Boss Man knocks him out and beats him up.

Ken Shamrock is still looking for Chris Jericho.

The Rock vs. Mankind

The winner gets HHH for the WWF Title at Unforgiven. They fight to the floor in a hurry and Rock suplexes him on the ramp. Mankind is right back with a hard whip into the steps (or chairs, according to Cole). Hold on though as Mankind grabs a headset to do Rock’s mid-match commentary deal, earning himself another beating so Rock can show him the right way to do this.

Back in and a double arm DDT plants Rock, meaning it’s time for Mr. Socko. The referee gets bumped so here is Shane McMahon to take over. A Rock Bottom gets Rock out of trouble but here are HHH and Chyna to beat on the two of them. That’s enough for Shane to call for the bell.

Rating: C+. They didn’t have time to do much but my goodness the chemistry that these two have is insane every time. It was on display here, even if they were rushed and got to the screwy ending on top. Mankind knows how to play off the Rock so well and Rock looks like he wants to like him just a bit, making this one of the weirdest relationships in WWF history.

Shane calls it a double DQ and I think you know where this is going.

Post break, Shane promises to make it up to Rock and Mankind.

Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock is in jeans instead of trunks here as he has been looking for Chris Jericho all night. Venis hammers away to start but has to bail from the threat of an ankle lock. Back in and Venis hammers away again, only to get pulled into the ankle lock for the fast tap. Well that was quick.

Post match Shamrock won’t let go, but an invading Steve Blackman breaks it up. Shamrock beats him up too but here is Chris Jericho to call Shamrock out to fight him outside. The chase is on and Howard Finkel, dressed as Jericho, maces Shamrock. Jericho gets the Walls and Fink takes pictures, leaving Jericho to shout I KILLED KENNY! Then Fink is thrown into the trunk of Jericho’s car as Jericho speeds off. Jericho was still figuring it out but you could feel the energy every time he’s on screen.

Here are Shane McMahon, HHH and Chyna to “make it right” with Mankind and The Rock. Shane says they can get out here in five seconds and starts a fast count, only to be cut off by Test. He calls all three of them girls and brings out the other owners of the WWF: Linda and Stephanie McMahon! Linda says that since Vince McMahon isn’t here tonight, the two of them hold controlling interest over Shane (I don’t think that’s how ownership works). Therefore, tonight it’s Rock/Mankind vs. Shane/HHH, which Shane makes a Tag Team Title match.

During the break, Shane tried to get HHH to see this as a positive but HHH seems to be rather chill.

We look at the four corner #1 contenders match from Raw, with Cole calling it a “train wreck”.

Tag Team Gauntlet

The winners get a future Tag Team Title shot and it’s the Hollys in at #1 and Mideon/Viscera in at #2. Viscera splashes Crash in the corner to start and the big legdrop to the back of the head makes it worse. Mideon’s pumphandle slam gets two but Crash reverses a powerbomb into a hurricanrana for two. Everything breaks down and Viscera splashes Mideon by mistake, giving Hardcore the fast pin.

Droz/Prince Albert are in at #3, with Albert quickly taking Crash down. Crash eyepokes his way to freedom and it’s back to Hardcore vs. Droz in the most 1999 match around. A quick Falcon Arrow pins Droz and it’s the Hardyz (still the New Brood) in at #4. Matt moonsaults in onto Crash for the pin in about ten seconds and the Acolytes are in at #5.

Bradshaw hammers Matt down but Jeff comes in for a save as the pace picks up. Matt hits a neckbreaker on Faarooq and Jeff adds the Swanton. That’s not enough for a cover though, as the Clothesline From Bradshaw knocks Jeff out of the air for the pin. Blue Meanie/Stevie Richards are in at #6 but Meanie takes so long dancing to the ring that Richards gets pinned in about 15 seconds.

Edge and Christian are in at #7 with Edge tornado DDTing Bradshaw. Faarooq sends Christian into the steps but….the Dudley Boyz make their debut and deck everyone with 2x4s for the double DQ. Still no #1 contenders, but that might take things in a rather new direction.

Rating: C-. Negative points for the screwy finish, but the Dudleys debuting might make up for a bit of it. The biggest problem here was the same thing happens in every fast paced gauntlet match: it’s a little hard to buy that these people can win a fall in about 30 seconds here while it takes so much longer in a regular match. The chaos in the division continues, but said division just got a heck of a lot stronger.

Post match, the Dudleys talked about how they are the best team in the world and are here to prove it. You need to remember three things: thou shall not steal, thou shall not kill and thou shall not mess with the Dudleys. Bubba’s stutter didn’t quite fit here as it comes off as comedy rather than the otherwise serious vibe.

Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/HHH vs. The Rock/Mankind

Rock/Mankind are defending and Chyna is here with the challengers. The fight is on before Rock comes to the ring but he’s right there to make the save. Shane gets sent outside but a Chyna distraction lets HHH get in a chair shot to drop Mankind. Back in and Shane hammers away but Mankind punches him right back down. With that not working, HHH comes back in with a suplex and Shane adds a middle rope elbow for two.

HHH’s jumping knee gets the same as this is oddly slow paced. The Bronco Buster takes too long for Shane though and it’s a clothesline from Rock to put him down. Shane is smart enough to offer a distraction though, allowing Chyna to get in a low blow. As usual, the hot tag brings in Rock a few seconds later and house is cleaned. Everything breaks down and Shane gets knocked over the announcers’ table….as Billy Gunn runs in to take out HHH. The Rock Bottom into the People’s Elbow retains the titles.

Rating: C+. This was probably the best match of the night, which is due to the talent involved, as well as things making sense. It was still over the top because it had Shane doing his thing, but it also made sense with the story setup and the interference from Gunn. For a not very long TV main event, this went well.

Overall Rating: C+. The best thing about this time is that the Attitude Era, or at least its signature nature, is really starting to cool down. Things are still moving at a fast pace, but it isn’t completely insane. You have people doing things to each other, but it isn’t so over the top with the nuttiness (Pepper ordeal aside) where you would have to ask “what does this have to do with wrestling”. Things are starting to transition a bit and that is a nice breather after how far things went in the other direction. Throw in the Dudleys debuting for the historic moment and this was a pretty good show.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 30, 1999: The Saving Grace?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 30, 1999
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

As usual, it’s been a minute since we’ve been here and things have been changing a bit. HHH is the new WWF Champion, having defeated Mankind last week. He also successfully defended the title against the Rock last week on the debut of a new show called Smackdown. We’re on the way to Unforgiven and the card needs to get started so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is the Rock to get things going and yep the people seem to like him. After declaring that he is FINALLY in Boston again, Rock blames a wannabe cowboy commissioner named Shawn Michaels for costing him the WWF Title on Smackdown. Rock is going to take Shawn’s little cowboy hat, spin his six shooter around, and stick it, uh, somewhere. He calls out HHH for a fight but doesn’t get him, which sends Rock to the back to find HHH himself. We cut to the Rock in the back, where HHH, Chyna and Shane McMahon all jump him in a hallway. Mankind makes the save.

Here are Shane McMahon and the Mean Street Posse for a chat. Shane has heard that Rock and Mankind want a WWF Title shot tonight so they can have it….if they can defeat their respective opponents. We’ll start with the Rock, who gets to face the Undertaker in a no holds barred, falls count anywhere match. As for Mankind, Shane beat him last week but first, Mankind attacked the Mean Street Posse. That’s why tonight, Mankind has to beat all of them RIGHT NOW!

Mankind vs. Mean Street Posse

If Mankind wins, he gets a WWF Title shot against HHH tonight. Oh and Shane McMahon will be the guest referee! As expected, it’s a triple teaming to start but Mankind fights back like he’s Mankind and they’re the Mean Street Posse. The beating is on with Mankind hitting the running knee in the corner on Rodney but Joey Abs gets in a chair shot (behind Shane’s back of course) for a breaker.

Back in and Joey (with his foot in a cast) stomps away as Pete throws in a trashcan. Shane misses the beating but does stop to yell at them, allowing a double suplex to get two on Mankind. Joey’s street sign hits Rodney by mistake but Shane has hurt his ankle. A shovel to the head drops Joey but Shane won’t count. That earns Shane the Mandible Claw, which draws in HHH for the brawl. The match is thrown out with Mankind being declared the winner by DQ, but Shane makes the correction (as Lilian Garcia seemed to mess up).

Rating: C-. There was only so much you could get out of this was it wasn’t going to be anything more than a joke. That’s what the Posse was there for, but they didn’t bother trying to do anything more than goofy nonsense. They had to have a way to keep Mankind from getting the title shot and these shenanigans are as good as they could have done, all things considered.

Undertaker, with Big Show and Paul Bearer, isn’t worried about facing the Rock tonight. He’s ready to shove a soup bone down Rock’s throat, as Undertaker isn’t exactly speaking like his normal self here.

Undertaker vs. The Rock

No Holds Barred and Falls Count Anywhere, which is different than hardcore because there’s probably going to be a hardcore match later. Undertaker has Big Show and Paul Bearer with him and Rock gets a WWF Title match later tonight if he wins. Actually never mind, as Undertaker doesn’t think Rock has earned the right to do this so Big Show is doing it instead.

Big Show vs. The Rock

Same everything as before as that’s a lot to type again. Undertaker is on commentary (that’s a WEIRD one) and Rock is in street clothes as he punches away at Show to start. A clothesline puts Show on the floor but he sends Rock into the barricade to slow him down. Rock is fine enough to hit a Russian legsweep on the ramp but Show knocks him down again without too much trouble.

Back in and Show misses a charge into the corner so they head right back to the floor. Rock slips out of a ram into the post though and puts on a headset, offering to slap the dead off Undertaker’s head. A right hand drops Undertaker but the distraction lets Show chokeslam Rock through the announcers’ table for the pin. Lilian: “Your winner, the Undertaker!”

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere, but at least they got in a hardcore match in about three and a half minutes. Throw in the fact that they managed to have two of the three biggest heroes in the company lose in the first 40 or so minutes of the show and that’s not too bad. That’s a rather Russo style show for you and I have a feeling it’s going to get even worse.

Post match HHH comes out to go after Rock but Undertaker grabs him by the throat. Cue Mankind to go after Show and Undertaker, allowing HHH to escape.

Al Snow is rather upset about Big Boss Man stealing his dog Pepper. As he pleas for people to help him, we can hear sounds of some rather adult actions taking place off screen.

Here is Big Boss Man for a chat. He asks for and gets Al Snow out here, with Boss Man saying Snow lived up to his end of the bargain on SmackDown. Then Snow was crying on Heat and Boss Man got the feeling. Snow keeps asking where Pepper is and Boss Man tells him to come to his hotel this week on Smackdown and he’ll get Pepper back. They even shake on it.

We look back at Chris Jericho putting Road Dogg through a table on Smackdown and injuring his back, putting Dogg on the shelf for a long time.

X-Pac vs. Taka Michinoku

Funaki is here with Taka. X-Pac hammers away to start but Funaki gets in a cheap shot. Taka knocks him outside and gets in a few shots, only to miss a moonsault back inside. A sitout powerbomb sets up the Bronco Buster and the X Factor for the fast pin on Taka.

Rating: C. X-Pac is in a weird place here as he’s too big to be fighting these smaller guys but not big enough to be in the main event scene. What matters is the fans are behind him though and he is more than good enough in the ring to back it up. They just have to find the right way to use him though and this was just a way to keep him warm.

Post match X-Pac takes out an invading Funaki as well. X-Pac says he wants the big guys.

Edge and Christian vs. The Acolytes vs. The Hollys vs. The Hardys

Elimination rules and the winners get a Tag Team Title match. It’s a brawl to start but Viscera, Mideon, Prince Albert, Droz, Stevie Richards and the Blue Meanie come in for the no contest. In a four way elimination match. In about a minute. The referees breaking it up takes longer than the match.

Here is the Rock to say Undertaker and Big Show didn’t impress anyone so he wants a handicap match tonight. First though, he wants to stick Undertaker’s head inside Big Show. Mickey Mouse tattoos are mentioned as well. Cue Mankind to say he didn’t like the Rock at some point, but now the people want and need him to be the Rock’s partner for a shot at the Tag Team Titles. Mankind even loads up Rock’s catchphrase but Rock cuts him off and says sure. Just DON’T YOU EVER steal his catchphrases again, but Mankind even rips off the IF YOU SMELL, which has Rock annoyed.

Here is Meat, with Terri Runnels, for a chat, but Terri hits on the Rock on the way up the ramp. He isn’t impressed. Hold on though as we get a GTV segment of Meat and Marianna, shall we say enjoying each other behind the interview set earlier. Terri goes after Meat but here are Marianna and Chaz (her boyfriend) for the big brawl.

Miss Kitty helps with Debra’s hair because the hair stylist has no idea what she is doing.

Jeff Jarrett/Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown/Billy Gunn

Debra and Miss Kitty are here with Jarrett and here is Chyna to do commentary. Brown clotheslines Jarrett down to start and something like a Sky High gets two. Jeff gets in a shot of his own and it’s Henry coming in for a gorilla press drop. Choking on the rope ensues as Kitty works on Debra’s hair. A clothesline puts Brown down as Chyna promises to get revenge and Jeff Jarrett’s Intercontinental Title. Brown gets in a shot of his own and everything breaks down. The distraction lets Chyna come in with the guitar….which hits Gunn by mistake, giving Jarrett the pin.

Rating: C. It wasn’t even four minutes long but it was nice to have a pretty run of the mill tag match until the screwy ending. There is nothing wrong with putting two potential title matches together, but Chyna seems more likely to get the Intercontinental Title shot (signing a contract helps). That’s more interesting than Gunn, which is the case with just about anything.

Test names Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco the best men for his wedding to Stephanie McMahon. Whichever has the better memory gets to hold the ring.

Gangrel vs. Ken Shamrock

Gangrel has the Hardys with him, with commentary getting on Lilian Garcia for not calling them the New Brood. The bell rings and you can hear what sounds like a fire extinguisher putting out the Brood’s ring of fire entrance. Shamrock goes for the leg to start and Gangrel heads straight to the floor. Gangrel slugs away outside but the Hardys’ distraction is enough to get them ejected. Back in and Shamrock can’t quite get the ankle lock so Gangrel elbows him in the face. Shamrock kicks away and elbows him in the face, setting up the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: C. It’s almost weird to see a match from this era getting about five minutes and of all their options, it’s Gangrel vs. Ken Shamrock? Gangrel wasn’t the biggest threat to Shamrock but it was nice to have him doing something other than drinking red liquid. Shamrock was in a weird place at this point and needs something to do, as just beating up Gangrel isn’t the most interesting.

Post match avowed Jericholic Howard Finkel introduces Chris Jericho, who says he isn’t coming out here to fight Shamrock. Instead, Shamrock can show up at Smackdown and clean his boots. Shamrock gives a slow motion chase.

Mankind wants to do the People’s Elbow but Rock tells him to stick with the sock gimmick. Mankind: “Mr. Socko.”

Here is Women’s Champion Ivory for a chat. After yelling at Michael Cole for undressing her with his eyes, she declares that she is not a sl**. Tori on the other hand is, so here is Tori to jump Ivory (and hitting Cole in the process), with Luna Vachon and Jacqueline coming in to join the brawl.

We look at Big Show chokeslamming Rock through the announcers’ table earlier.

Tag Team Titles: Big Show/Undertaker vs. Mankind/The Rock

Show and Undertaker are defending and Show hammers Mankind down to start as Undertaker doesn’t look overly interested. Undertaker gets in some shots to Mankind on the floor, with Rock having to make a save back inside. The bearhug goes on (showing how big Show really is) until Mankind punches his way to freedom. With that not working, Show punches him outside for another beating from Undertaker.

Mankind gets dropped on what is left of the broken announcers’ table as Paul Bearer comes out. Bearer says something to Undertaker, who walks out as Mankind gets in a shot of his own. The hot tag brings in Rock to clean house, only to have Show plant him with a chokeslam. Mankind’s chair is knocked into his face before Show’s delayed cover gets two on Rock. The referee gets bumped though and Rock BLASTS Show in the head with the chair. A double People’s Elbow gives Rock the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This was another rare match that got some time and it helps a little bit, but there were so many things going on through the match that you can only get so much out of it. Between the chair shot, the ref bump and the Bearer/Undertaker stuff, it was hard to get into things. Throw in the fact that the Tag Team Titles mean nothing and this is little more than a big pop at the end without much else going on to get there. Kind of like most of the Attitude Era when you think about it.

Overall Rating: C+. It was another show with all kinds of stuff going on at the same time, but the addition of Smackdown can help things out a bit. If nothing else, it is nice to see some of the rapid fire stories siphoned off to Smackdown instead of doing everything on Raw for a change. It was a show with a bit more coherent string of stories throughout and we should be in for some good things on the way towards Unforgiven. Nice stuff here, with Smackdown possibly being the saving grace.

 

 

 

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – 1999 (2013 Redo): The Body Of Mankind

Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Jesse lectures Chyna and HHH about not cheating. Chyna is allowed to be out there but the pinfall has to be in the ring and it has to be legal.

The recently debuted Chris Jericho yells at Jericholic Howard Finkel for being late.

Edge and Christian are ready for Tag Team Turmoil (a tag team gauntlet match) tonight. They outgrew Gangrel and are ready for his new team: the Hardys.

Tag Team Turmoil

The Hollys fight again.

Big Show and Undertaker arrive.

Al Snow grooms his dog Pepper and warns him of Boss Man singing Ethel Merman songs. Good advice actually.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is defending and Dogg is doing commentary. Before the match Snow leaves Pepper in a small kennel in the back. Snow: “You know Head came to the ring with me.” Snow is waiting on Boss Man on the set and hits a high cross body to get us going. Dogg gets up and is going to be a roving reporter. Snow hits Man with a chair and they go to the back almost immediately.

Snow runs back across the street to check on Pepper but has to beat up Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie for some reason.

Rock verbally massacres Michael Cole by insulting his tie and implying Cole is a bit coome ci coom ca. Not that it matters as Rock is going to destroy Billy Gunn tonight. This was a bad time for Rock as he had a bunch of nothing feuds until he got back into the title hunt to close out the year.

Billy Gunn has a surprise under a tarp.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

We see Shane attacking Test earlier today.

Test says this is serious tonight.

Test vs. Shane McMahon

Test takes Shane down to start but Shane hits a quick spear back inside, only to be pounded in the corner. A backdrop puts Shane down as the Posse drinks champagne. Shane is sent HARD into the steps and then into the crowd for a drink to the head. Test catches Shane diving off the barricade and powerslams him down onto the floor. Shane staggers around ringside so Test launches him at the Posse to tip the couch over.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate post match.

Tag Titles: Kane/X-Pac vs. Big Show/Undertaker

Taker is knocked to the floor and Pac dives off the apron to take him down. The crotch chop earned X-Pac an elbow to the face and a smile from me. Kane saves him little buddy and take Undertaker down with the top rope clothesline. Taker comes right back with his running DDT but Kane is up almost immediately. Big Show comes in to throw Kane around and drops him with a superkick.

Jesse gives Austin the same speech.

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. Triple H

Triple H and Austin start fast in the ring but Mankind pulls HHH to the floor and sends him onto the announce table. All three head into the ring with HHH being ping ponged back and forth by right hands from both guys. Mankind offers Austin a handshake but gets punched in the face instead. HHH is knocked to the floor and Mankind misses a charge at Austin to send him to the outside as well.

HHH loads up the Pedigree on Mankind but Austin clotheslines HHH down to break it up. Austin punches both of his challengers and hits a Stunner on HHH but Mankind breaks up the count at two. Austin sends Mankind into the post but walks into the Pedigree. Mankind pops back up though and knocks HHH down before hitting the double arm DDT on Austin for the pin and the title in a surprise.

Post match HHH destroys Austin and his knee with a chair, putting him on the shelf for a month.

Ratings Comparison

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Tag Team Turmoil

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow

Original: B

Redo: C

Ivory vs. Tori

Original: F

Redo: F+

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Shane McMahon vs. Test

Original: B

Redo: B

Unholy Alliance vs. X-Pac/Kane

Original: D+

Redo: D

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

Original: B-

Redo: D+

HHH vs. Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: D+

WOW and I thought 1990 was screwed up.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/03/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1999-the-body/

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Saturday Night’s Main Event #34: Contractual Obligations

Saturday Night’s Main Event #34
Date: June 2, 2007
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 16,176
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night before One Night Stand 2007 and this is a show that WWE is required to do while showing a bare minimum of interest. There has been almost no mention of this show on WWE TV and that is rarely a good sign for what we have coming. The show is only an hour and a half though so maybe we can get a little break this time around. Let’s get to it.

We have a theme this time: Biggest, Smallest, Strongest, Strangest. This is going to be a rough sit.

John Cena vs. Great Khali

Non-title and a preview of tomorrow night’s title match. After a video on Khali being big and scary, we’re ready to go. Cena goes right at him to start but the FU attempt is blocked with a forearm to the back. Khali punches him into the corner without much effort and we hit the choking. An attempt at a takedown for the STFU is shrugged off and Khali runs him over with a clothesline. The fans tell Khali that he sucks as he pounds Cena down again and again. Another FU attempt manages to get Khali off of his feet but he elbows his way to freedom. The chokeslam finishes Cena, with Khali putting his foot on the chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’ve never cared for this one as we are a day away from One Night Stand and I don’t really care to see the match again. It wasn’t that good here and the original match was only so much better. I get the idea that it’s now a trilogy and Cena needs to overcome incredible odds, but it isn’t working for me here.

Post match Khali rants, which is translated to Khali saying he can beat Cena anywhere.

Here is Vince McMahon for some arm wrestling with Bobby Lashley, so we see a long history package recapping their feud. Lashley comes out and since this is WWE arm wrestling, we spend a good time on Vince getting ready to go. Actually hold on, because here is Mark Henry to take Vince’s place. Lawler: “Mr. McMahon always has something up his sleeves, even when he’s not wearing sleeves!” Henry takes over to start but Lashley makes the comeback, causing Henry to jump him to start the brawl. Lashley hits a spear to drop Henry but Vince smashes Lashley with a chair to leave him laying.

Maria asks Edge if he is the smallest or the strangest. Edge says none, and explains how he won the World Heavyweight Title. That’s why he isn’t the biggest, strongest, smallest or strangest, because he is the greatest. Good line.

Batista/Chris Benoit vs. MVP/Edge

Batista has a taped up leg coming in. Joined in progress with MVP hammering on Benoit in the corner and then dragging him over to Edge (who gets the hometown pop). Benoit is fine enough to snap off a suplex for two on Edge and then runs him over for a bonus. Batista comes in so Edge bails immediately, leaving Batista to beat up MVP instead. A boot to the face gives Batista two and it’s back to Benoit for the chops.

The rolling German suplexes plant MVP but Edge offers a distraction, meaning the Swan Dive misses. The villains take over on Benoit as Lawler accuses him of taking the coward’s way out. Some shots to the ribs set up a waistlock to keep Benoit in trouble, allowing commentary to list off Edge’s resume. MVP comes in to drop an elbow to the ribs but Benoit kicks him away. There’s the hot tag to Batista to pick up the pace as Edge walks out. The spinebuster into a Swan Dive finishes MVP.

Rating: C. This was pretty much any main event level tag match and it makes sense that Edge would walk out of a match that doesn’t mean anything to him. At the same time, it makes Edge appear to be afraid of Batista to make their cage match a little more interesting. I would think MVP vs. Benoit would be over, but why let it go so soon?

Finlay/Hornswoggle vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

The big guys start with Boogeyman shoving Finlay down despite having a mouth full of worms. A running shoulder in the corner sets up an atomic drop to keep Finlay in trouble so it’s off to Little Boogeyman for a running seated senton. Little Boogeyman punches away at Finlay, setting up a short (you know the jokes) DDT. Hornswoggle comes in for the brawl but Finlay dropkicks Little Boogeyman in the face. That means a jig from Finlay and Hornswoggle but Boogeyman chases Hornswoggle to the back. Finlay uses the distraction to kick Little Boogeyman in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. We’ll file this under “well what else were you expecting”. The wrestling wasn’t anything to see here but that also wasn’t exactly the point. This was about getting the wacky characters in the ring to continue their feud which likely doesn’t have much of a major endgame in mind. At least they kept (about half of it) short.

Extreme Expose, but we cut to the back where Little Boogeyman is chasing Hornswoggle. That leads into the regular Boogeyman but Finlay makes the save with the Shillelagh. We cut back to the dancing…and here is Hornswoggle, still running from Little Boogeyman. Naturally, this turns into a chicken fight between Brooke and Layla until everyone falls down. Little Boogeyman chases Hornswoggle away as WWE is somehow managing to make EXTREME EXPOSE too complicated.

Kane/Eugene/Doink the Clown vs. Kevin Thorn/Umaga/Viscera

This was originally Kane/Goldust/Shannon Moore/Kamala vs. Umaga/Viscera/Doink/Thorn but Goldust backed out and we get this instead. That’s not fair to Kamala, but nothing ever was. As a bonus, Eugene is now a superhero. Doink and Thorn start things off and the YAY/BOO chants begin. They circle each other for a good bit until Doink grabs a boot to the ribs. That finally earns him a push into the corner and the beating is on. Back up and it’s off to Eugene….who gets to face Umaga.

Eugene gets hammered down and Viscera comes in to send Eugene outside. Gyrations send us to a break and we come back with Umaga coming back in to stomp away. The nerve hold goes on to keep Eugene in trouble and Thorn’s chinlock does the same. Eugene finally manages to escape and brings in Kane to clean house. Everything breaks down and Kane hits the top rope clothesline on Thorn but Umaga makes the save. Viscera misses a charge at Kane in the corner and gets chokeslammed for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s about all you could have hoped for it to be. This was as exciting as a match where they sat around for nine minutes waiting on the hot tag to Kane was going to be. The original lineup wouldn’t have made this any better as it was going to be Kane and a bunch of goofs vs. Umaga and his slightly more effective goofs, so how good could this have been?

A two minute highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh yeah this was terrible, as they managed to have one ok match, a bunch of bad ones, and then somehow found a way to turn Extreme Expose into a joke. I’m sure this was a required show from NBC but it would have been nice to see the slightest bit of effort. The EST theme was something, but egads they managed to waste an hour and a half of everyone’s time with this mess.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – May 21, 2007: They’re At It Again

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 21, 2007
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Judgment Day and believe it or not, John Cena has somehow done it again, this time by making the Great Khali tap out to retain the WWE Title. That is going to make for some interesting futures for both of them, as Khali loses a big step and Cena beats another giant with less than two weeks to go before the next pay per view. I think you know where this is going so let’s get to it.

Here is Judgment Day if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the pay per view, including Bobby Lashley winning the handicap match in just over a minute but not winning the ECW World Title because he pinned the wrong McMahon.

Here is an annoyed Bobby Lashley to get things going. Since he has to beat Vince McMahon to get the ECW World Title back, get Vince out here right now. Cue Vince (unfortunately minus the snappy doorag), Shane McMahon and Umaga to say no. Vince is on to bigger and better things, like One Night Stand, where he will defend the title in a street fight against the Blue Meanie. Lashley: “Why not me?” Shane talks about how great Vince is and lists off his street fight wins. You might even say he is “inVinceable”. Vince says Lashley can have a street fight at One Night Stand, but he is going to be running a gauntlet.

Saturday Night’s Main Event is back next week.

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

Rematch from last night where Flair won. Flair chops away in the corner to start but Carlito knocks him into another corner and stomps him down. It’s time to go after the arm again, which worked well enough for Carlito last night. Back up and Flair fires off more chops before a Cactus Clothesline takes them both outside. More chopping ensues until it’s a double countout.

Rating: D+. I’m really not sure why we’re seeing the feud continuing after Flair beat him last night but that has never stopped WWE before. You would think that they would have something else for Flair to do but why do that when you can have Carlito spinning his wheels even more? Nothing match again, but what else were you expecting?

Post match Carlito lays Flair out, including a Backstabber and apple spitting.

Melina vs. Candice Michelle

Non-title. Melina starts fast by choking on the ropes and then cranking on both arms. That means some neck stretching on the ropes but Candice is back up with a backbreaker. Some kicks have Melina in trouble and Candice pulls her away from the ropes for a crash. A rake to the eyes slows Candice down but she blocks an O’Connor roll and grabs a jackknife cover for the fast pin.

Great Khali is yelling at Runjin Singh.

The Condemned needs to go away already.

Bobby Lashley vs. Chris Masters

This is the first match in Lashley’s gauntlet. Lashley wastes no time in taking him down, only to miss a charge into the corner. Masters starts stomping away and goes after the banged up arm. The Masterlock goes on but Lashley makes the rope to save himself. Lashley is back up with a powerslam for two, followed by the spear for the pin.

Rating: C-. They kept this short and it’s not like Masters was going to be any kind of a threat to Lashley. Masters got in his best move, had it shrugged off and then got pinned. What else were they supposed to do in something like this? Lashley is on to bigger and better things while Masters is the same guy he has been for a long time now.

Hardys vs. Johnny Nitro/Kenny Dykstra

Non-title with the World’s Greatest Tag Team on commentary. Matt and Kenny start things off with Matt getting caught in the wrong corner. A clothesline gets Matt out of trouble and it’s off to Jeff to pick up the pace. The sitout gordbuster plants Nitro and Hardy goes up, where he has to shove Nitro down. A top rope sunset flip finishes Nitro in a hurry.

Post match the World’s Greatest Tag Team runs in to jump the Hardys but Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch make the save, as this is still going too.

Here are Great Khali and Runjin Singh for a chat. Through translation, Khali says he was cheated last night because his foot was under the rope. John Cena never knocked Khali off his feet, because he needed to use the steps to hurt him. Khali can defeat Cena in the ring or out of the ring, but here is Cena for a rebuttal. Cena says that the foot was under the rope but he made Khali tap. Tonight though, Khali has called Cena a coward and that’s not cool. Last night, Cena was scared but he stood toe to toe with Khali and survived, so he knows he can do it again. Cena wants a rematch and gets dropped by the chop and chokeslam.

Bobby Lashley vs. Viscera

More gauntlet action, though you don’t often see such long breaks between the matches. Lashley gets driven into the corner to start but avoids a shot to the face. Viscera runs him over a few times but Lashley is back with a slam (nearly dropping him) for two. Back up and Viscera takes him down again for some standing on the chest. The swinging Boss Man Slam gives Viscera two and a spinwheel kick is good for the same. Viscera misses a charge in the corner though and the spear gives Lashley the pin.

Rating: C-. This was actually a bit better than the previous match as Viscera felt more like a monster as opposed to someone who was just there for Lashley to beat. Lashley actually had to work at this one a bit and Viscera’s offense looks that much more devastating just because of his size. Not exactly good, but it made sense for what they were trying to do.

Cena vs. Khali II is set for One Night Stand and it’s falls count anywhere.

Here are a bunch of the WWE Divas to introduce the video for Timbaland’s Throw It On Me, setting up the world premiere.

Shawn Michaels has a concussion at the hands of Randy Orton, so here is Orton for a chat. Orton is sorry for what happened last night and we see a video on the attack, including Shawn’s wife checking on him. Back in the arena, Orton wonders if that was Shawn’s last match. Orton did what any wrestler would have done last night and beat Shawn, but it wasn’t because of the concussion. No, Orton beat him because he is the Legend Killer.

Vince McMahon fires Umaga up.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

The gauntlet continues. Umaga wins an early slugout and some kicks to the back keep Lashley in trouble. The bearhug goes on to work on Lashley’s back before Umaga plants him down. A middle rope headbutt misses though and Lashley fights back, including sending him into the post. They fight outside with Umaga superkicking Lashley out of the air. After throwing the timekeeper aside (and making him look like a mannequin in the process), Umaga chairs Lashley down for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Another match that made sense as Umaga’s job was to weaken Lashley rather than flat out beating him. You don’t need to have Umaga take another pin so this was about as good of an idea as they had. The damaged Lashley gets to keep going while Umaga looks like a monster, which works out well for everyone.

Bobby Lashley vs. Shane McMahon

During the break, Umaga Samoan Spiked Lashley to make this even more one sided. Shane knees away at the bad back and hits a baseball slide to send Lashley’s ribs into the post. Umaga loads up a chair but here is Vince McMahon to say no and send Umaga to the back to avoid the DQ. Makes sense.

The distraction lets Lashley come back with a spinebuster but Shane gets in a cheap shot. The Boston crab has Lashley in trouble but he powers out with straight leg strength. Shane knees him in the back though and we hit the camel clutch. That’s broken up as well and Lashley hammers away in the corner. His back gives out on him but Shane takes too long going up top and is speared out of the air for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C. This was the big finale, but it felt a bit lacking as Lashley beat someone he shouldn’t have had trouble beating. I don’t think there was any doubt about Lashley getting the title shot so there wasn’t much drama. That being said, how much drama can you really build up with two weeks between pay per views?

Lashley stares at Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Oh we’re going full steam ahead on the rematch train here and that is not exactly thrilling. This show was built around setting up a bunch of rematches after a lot of them were already settled at Judgment Day. Now we’re on to One Night Stand, but we only have one more week to build it up. They’re running out of steam with these stories and that is starting to show, as this was the weakest Raw in a pretty long time.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – August 23, 1999: The First

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 1999
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and in the surprise of the night, Mankind if the WWF Champion. That’s not the kind of thing you would expect to see, but then again this is 1999 WWF so oddities are a specialty. Steve Austin was attacked after the match was over, which should put him on the shelf for the time being. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a stills package of Mankind winning the WWF Title in a heck of a shock, plus the heck of a beatdown on Austin’s knee after the match.

Opening sequence.

Lawler welcomes us to the show, describing this as an action adventure series. That never sounds right.

JR is in the ring to interview Mankind but HHH and Chyna come out instead. HHH says there will be no celebration at his expense because he has been screwed over and over. It was supposed to be his moment because he became #1 contender. Then everything kept being taken away from him because the bar kept being raised. It happened time after time and once he got to Summerslam, he got a bogus referee who wouldn’t count a pin when he had a man beaten.

The fans chant for Austin and HHH goes on about how he had Austin beaten last night. The air came out from Austin’s soul and he was a beaten man, but it was a bunch of bull. Last night, HHH beat Austin within an inch of his life and now he’s laid on his back in a hospital bed with his legs in the air like a cheap prostitute. HHH remembers that Mankind and Austin are JR’s boys so he must be happy with what happened.

Well HHH is going to be happy right now, and he grabs JR in an armbar. He demands Mankind come out here right now or he’s snapping the thing. Cue Mankind but HHH says stop right there. The match is in a hurry….and HHH Breaks the arm anyway, as he should have. Mankind comes in to chase him off and says that since HHH broke his promise, he’s breaking his own: no title shot. Cue Shane McMahon to say oh yes the title shot is happening. So we just had a swerve into a swerve in the span of a minute and a half. It’s 1999 all right.

Michael Cole replaces JR.

Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Al Snow

Dogg is challenging but Snow jumps him during the catchphrases (that’s evil). A chair shot puts Dogg on the floor and it’s time to unload with the weapons. Pepper the dog, in a pet carrier, watches as Snow loads up a table and Cole wonders why Pepper isn’t talking to Road Dogg (that was kind of funny). Snow tries to ride a ladder down onto Dogg on a table but only the ladder hits the table. Dogg puts Snow through the table but here is Chris Jericho to go after Dogg for the no contest.

Post match, Big Boss Man comes out to hit Snow with the nightstick and STEAL PEPPER!

We cut to the back where Chris Jericho and Road Dogg are still fighting but Boss Man comes by to deck Dogg. Boss Man throws Pepper in the back of a car and drives away, with Al Snow showing up to give chase.

Post break Snow is asking if anyone knows where Pepper is, apparently not having seen Boss Man leave. He wasn’t that far in front of him.

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. Undertaker/Big Show

Undertaker/Big Show, with Paul Bearer, are defending with Kane/X-Pac on commentary. Of note, since Road Dogg did his own intro, Undertaker and Show’s intro marks the first ever introduction from the new ring announcer: Lilian Garcia. The Acolytes jump Show to start but he double clotheslines them down. A chop block slows Show down and Bradshaw drops him with a top rope shoulder, as Undertaker isn’t bothering to do anything. Faarooq goes after Undertaker and gets thrown over the announcers’ table for his effort. The brawl is on, with Kane and X-Pac getting involved for the DQ.

Post match X-Pac and Kane get double teamed, including Undertaker chairing the heck out of Kane.

Test asks Stephanie McMahon to stay in the back for a bit.

And now, the Blonde Bytch Project, a Blair Witch parody, featuring Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards. They go out to find the title character and that’s the end of the first episode.

Here is Test for a chat and we look at some stills of him beating Shane McMahon last night. He has been through a lot lately and if he had to do it again, he would. There comes a time when you have to ask some questions, and sometimes you have to pop one. Therefore, he would like Stephanie McMahon to come out here.

Cue a smiling Stephanie but Shane McMahon runs in almost immediately. Violence is teased but Stephanie says hold it because Andrew (egads) makes her happy. Why can’t Shane love his sister for who she is? Test pulls Stephanie away and drops to a knee for a rather fast proposal. Stephanie needs some time to think about it but she does love him. Everything seems to be ok.

Chris Jericho wants Howard Finkel (whose name he can’t remember) to do something to be like Jericho.

Here is the new Eurocontinental Champion, Jeff Jarrett, along with Debra and Mark Henry. Jeff is happy with how Mark Henry helped him against D’Lo Brown last night, so he has a gift for Henry: the European Title! Debra has a present too. As the boss of Jarrett Enterprises, she needs an assistant. Since she already has the puppies, here is the debuting Miss Kitty, which seems to work for Debra. As for Jeff himself, he has left an open contract for a title shot on the locker room door. Someone can go sign it so we can have a title match for later. We have a match now though.

Mark Henry vs. Meat

Hold on though as D’Lo Brown jumps Meat in the back and we have a replacement.

Mark Henry vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title (I think). Brown hammers away to start but gets tossed up and onto his face. Henry misses the legdrop though, allowing Brown to hit one of his own. The Low Down connects but Jeff Jarrett comes in for the DQ.

Billy Gunn is looking for a pen and tells Chyna to watch the contract so no one can sign it. With Gunn gone, Chyna signs it herself. What a lying friend!

Post break, Billy can’t find Chyna and (jokingly, at least I think), calls her a b****.

The Rock vs. Gangrel

Gangrel has the New Brood, better known as the Hardy Boys, with him. Before the match, Rock says he’s ready to do various horrible things with Gangrel’s cup of blood. The brawl is on to start with Rock hammering away and hitting a clothesline out of the corner. Gangrel is smart enough to roll outside to avoid a worse beating and a New Brood distraction lets him takeover.

Back in and Rock hits a DDT for two and, after shrugging off Matt Hardy, sends Gangrel over the top. A quick necksnap across the top lets Gangrel get in a few shots but Jeff dives off the barricade to cut off Rock’s comeback. Cue Edge and Christian to go after the Hardys and Rock punches Gangrel down in the corner. The Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow finish in a hurry.

Rating: C-. I remember watching this match when I was a kid and it has always stuck with me. This wasn’t the start of a new story and it wasn’t going to go anywhere after the pin. What you got instead was a big star beating a lower level star, meaning neither of them are hurt. They kept it short and it was a watchable match, but it gave Rock something to do and Gangrel doesn’t lose anything (save for a match). Perfectly fine.

Post match the Rock says the WWF is trying to hold him back with people like Billy Gunn and Gangrel. He wants to be #1 contender and thinks it’s time to take matters into his own hands.

Howard Finkel is firing himself up because he’s “a warrior”.

Tori thinks Ivory has a humiliation fetish so let’s have an evening gown match on Smackdown. Yeah Smackdown debuts this Thursday and I believe this is the first mention of the show.

Here’s Howard Finkel to the Ultimate Warrior’s theme music to say that Chris Jericho is here to make this company better. There are some simpletons who don’t get it though, like the Road Dogg. Finkel calls Dogg out to explain what Y2J is all about. Cue Road Dogg, so Finkel shoves him a few times. That earns him a grab of the sweatshirt, but Chris Jericho comes through the crowd (after the full countdown) to beat Dogg down. Back to back powerbombs let Jericho pose on Dogg’s chest, complete with a C’MON BABY!

Billy Gunn is still looking for Chyna but HHH says don’t look too hard or you might find her.

Hardcore Holly is tired of his cousin Crash so he invites him to a battle of the super heavyweights.

Hardcore Holly vs. Crash Holly

Crash starts fast by dropkicking him out to the floor and they’re out in the crowd in a hurry. They wind up over by the sound equipment and then go backstage where both of them are whipped into various walls. Hardcore whips him into a ladder and they go outside to wrap this up. Not long enough to rate, but it wasn’t exactly a match anyway.

Steve Austin has suffered tendon and ligament damage in both knees thanks to HHH. Mankind comes in to say that HHH has done some stupid things in his quest to become a tough guy. He and Austin have never seen eye to eye but Austin has basically funded his retirement!

Al Snow is still distraught.

Mideon/Viscera vs. X-Pac/Kane

Paul Bearer, Big Show and Undertaker do commentary, including stealing Michael Cole’s headset. Lilian Garcia: “The following contest is scheduled for one round!” Mideon hammers on X-Pac to start so Kane comes in to take over instead. Cue the Acolytes down the ramp, with Undertaker calling them the phony tough and the crazy brave. Kane chokes Mideon on the mat as Bearer refers to himself as slender, with Undertaker not quite buying it.

Mideon manages to take him into the corner but Kane fights them off like they’re Mideon and Viscera. A Samoan drop puts Kane down for a good half second as he sits up, as Lawler asks if Big Show would ever stab Undertaker in the back. Undertaker: “King, you ever make another stupid comment like that and I’ll stab you in the face.” The hot tag brings in X-Pac to clean house with a Bronco Buster each. The Acolytes beat on Kane outside though, leaving Viscera to crush X-Pac behind. A splash is good enough to give Viscera the pin.

Rating: D+. That wasn’t the best one round match, if nothing else because they managed to have nine people involved in about four and a half minutes. That’s a very Russo deal, as he liked to have a lot of people running in and out, even if it might have been a bit much. You could have dropped either the Acolytes or the Undertaker/Big Show, but why do that when you can have EVERYONE?

Chris Jericho is thinking about giving Howard Finkel Smackdown.

Billy Gunn calls Chyna out for a less than friendly chat. Cue Chyna, with Gunn saying that he had a chance to be Intercontinental Champion, but she’s playing a game. Chyna says she isn’t playing and a brawl seems imminent, but here is Jeff Jarrett to hit Chyna with a guitar. Miss Kitty tries to give Jarrett another, only to have Gunn take it away and blast Jarrett instead.

We recap the WWF Title match being set up.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Mankind

HHH is challenging and the Rock joins commentary. Rock: “Who’s booking this crap?” Cue Shane McMahon in a referee’s shirt so the fix can be even further in. Mankind knocks him down into the corner to start and hits the running knee to the face. That’s not even good for a one, as Shane is too busy shouting at the Rock. Mankind whips out Mr. Socko to take out Shane but has to backdrop his way out of a Pedigree attempt.

That means HHH can get Socko as well but here is Chyna, who gets a sock of her own. A double arm DDT plants HHH for a delayed two so they head outside to keep brawling. HHH whips Mankind into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the steps for a nasty crash. Back in and a neckbreaker gives HHH two, followed by a hard toss into the post.

There’s the jumping knee to the face (Rock: “Mankind sucks.”) into the knee drop but Mankind fights out of the corner. A running clothesline gets two and the Cactus Clothesline does what the Cactus Clothesline does. Shane is back up with a chair to Mankind, followed by HHH charring Mankind and the Rock for a bonus. The second referee is taken out and it’s the Pedigree to give HHH the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was a brawl for the most part and that’s what it should have been. They needed to get to the HHH title reign somehow and that’s exactly what they did. Mankind didn’t feel like he had a chance to retain here and sometimes that is the right thing to do. This is the historic title change and it was the right time to do it.

The Peacock version include the Extra Attitude post show footage, including HHH going after Mankind again. Mankind fights back this time and Rock comes in to help beat up Shane. A double People’s Elbow connects and Rock goes up the ramp, leaving Mankind to hit his own People’s Elbow. Mankind joins Rock on stage and wants a hug but has to settle for a handshake. Rock comes back out, the two of them stare at HHH and Shane, and it’s another handshake into a hug. The villains get to pose on the stage to end the night.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the better remembered shows from this era as it felt like something important actually happened. You don’t get that very often in this era, as so many of the things that take place come and go in the span of a few hours. The shows still go by so fast and there are a lot of things that don’t work, but it was nice to have a show that felt like it mattered for once and that was the case here, making it a little bit better.

 

 

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Summerslam Count-Up – Summerslam 1999 (Original): Body Experience

Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well not much has changed since last year. Austin is still dominating the wrestling world, but he’d be injured very soon and get run over, leaving for a year. Tonight though, he’s facing the young stud known as HHH and Mankind in a triple threat for the belt. The only big change that’s happened is HHH and Rock have switched sides in the eternal struggle between heel and face.

Also, a lot of the Attitude Era favorites are here now, such as the APA, the hardcore title, the Big Show and Billy Gunn. Oh and Al Snow, but no one likes him. (Foley is my all time favorite. I couldn’t help it.) Angle has been there for about 4 months, Jericho has been there less than two weeks, debuting 13 days prior to this show, and Benoit and co. would show up at the end of January.

The big deal to this show is that there’s a special referee for the main event: the governor of the state of Minnesota, Jesse “The Body” Ventura!!!! This was huge at the time because he was in office at the time, so if nothing else it got a lot of mainstream publicity. Therefore, let’s get to this. Oh and one more thing: Smackdown would debut as a regular series four days after this.

We get a recap of guest referee history (coming soon to a history channel near YOU) which include Tyson and McMahon and McMahon Jr. HHH and Austin say they’ll beat up Jesse if they have to, but he says he has the power. Now we’re in the arena with a huge pyro show. Jesse is in the back with HHH and Chyna, saying that HHH has to follow the rules or he won’t be champion. We cut to Jericho from earlier today, waiting on someone. Harold Finkle comes running up and apologizes for being late.

IC/European Titles: D’Lo Brown vs. Jeff Jarrett

Yes, Brown has both titles. Jarrett comes out with Debra, who is in a bikini and a coat. He sends her back, much to the King’s dismay, but we see her with Brown who she accompanies to ringside instead. Ross tries to convince the people that the pop is for Brown and not Debra. Even I don’t buy that one Jimmy boy. They talk about Brown’s incredible weight loss as at one point he weighed over 400lbs, yet for this match he weighs in at about 250.

That really is not only impressive but should be applauded, if nothing else for the health aspect. Once again, the lady is the main focus of this match, or in this case her chest is. If her face wasn’t so unnatural looking, she’d be VERY hot instead of just having a huge chest. The match is short, yet interesting. We’re in the fast paced, more intense style that’s always fun. Here, Brown actually controls most of this, which isn’t something that you see very often actually.

Jarrett makes him look good, which is better because Jarrett would be gone within two months, heading back to WCW as a big name until they closed. Anyway, Debra gets on the apron, yet Jarrett grabs the guitar and yells at her. If he’s going to use the guitar and Debra is there, why not hit him while she has the referee? Anyway, Mark Henry runs out and helps Brown, only to nail him seconds later to give Jeff two titles. Debra wasn’t with Brown and it was a swerve, which is fine I guess. At least they didn’t’ try to make it something major.

Rating: B-. Solid opener here, with some nice intense stuff. Never been a fan of unified titles like this but I guess it’s ok. Debra was the big deal here, but unlike last year with Sable it was more subtle and it certainly wasn’t like having a big spotlight on her all night, which was a major plus. Not a great match, but good for an opener.

Edge and Christian say they’ll win the tag team turmoil match.

Tag Team Turmoil

I’ve always liked this idea. You have 6 teams. Two start and have a tag match. The losers are eliminated, and then the third team comes in. You keep going until there’s one team left. The winners get a tag title shot tomorrow night on Raw. Oh while Edge and Christian are coming out, JR is still upset about what Henry did, because D’lo was trying to help his career. My goodness what would he have been like had Brown not helped?

Anyway, we start with E/C and the New Brood, aka the Hardys, who are heels if you can believe that. The Dudleyz weren’t quite there yet, but very soon these three would start dominating the tag division as you already know. The match starts with a standard back and forth fast paced match. I’ll spare a lot of the details here as most of these are going to last about three minutes at most. It amazes me that you have these four guys and Matt is easily the least successful of them all.

Who would have believed that you have at least 13 world title reigns in there? That’s unbelievable. Anyway, we go to the floor and it gets insane. You can tell how much these four are loving this as they’re killing each other out there. When the Dudleys came in a few months or maybe even weeks, the ante would be upped even more, especially with the ladders becoming more prevalent. Anyway, Edge hits an electric chair followed by what I think is a diving elbow from Christian to eliminate the Hardys.

Out next are Mideon and Viscera. And here is where the match starts to become an issue with the time. This lasts all of two minutes so there’s not a lot I can say. It might be better for it to be short though, given the wrestling abilities or lack thereof in the new team out there. Big Daddy V is somehow more annoying here with that stupid looking yellow Mohawk of his.

He uses that spin kick which is one of his best ever, nearly hitting Edge in the shoulder. It looks impressive, but it never actually connects, at least not that I can remember. Other than that, this is exactly what you would expect. Christian gets beaten up, Edge comes in and they double team Vis before spearing Mideon for the pin, and we get team #4.

Ross is talking about how spent Edge and Christian must be. Why in the world would they be spent? They’ve been wrestling less than 10 minutes and they get about 45 seconds to rest between falls. To say they’re tired is just stupid. The next team is Droz and Prince Albert. I’ll spare you the jokes about piercings, but years later when I found out what the name meant, I wince every time I hear it.

Anyway, this is more or less a team that was just thrown together because there was nothing else to do with them, which can work just fine. The New Age Outlaws got together this way and it worked fine. Anyway, neither guy was anything special yet and for the most part, they never were period. In case you don’t know, Albert became the A-Train.

Sadly enough, Droz would be paralyzed within two months of this, never walking again for the rest of his life, at least since then. This one goes even shorter, with Edge hitting the Downward Spiral after about two minutes. This is the problem with matches like these: unless you let them go an hour, you make a lot of matches and teams just seem like wastes of time and filler.

The fifth team is the Acolytes, not yet the APA. APA was the team that lost the belts to X-Pac and Kane, the current champions, so this was their chance to get the belts back the next night on Raw. Anyway, they’re the big monsters here and one of my favorite teams at the time, at least until the Dudleyz came in a few weeks later to really breathe new life into the division, not that it really needed it at the time, but it didn’t hurt things at all really.

It’s weird to think that at the time, Simmons was by far and away the most successful of these four, yet in the end, he’ll be the least successful. They just beat the tar out of Edge before we go to a big brawl, with Christian taking over on Farooq. For no reason at all, the Hollies come down as the final team, despite not being in the match yet. I guess they just jumped too early? Anyway, Bradshaw, big clothesline, yeah.

Hollies and APA to end this, and this seems REALLY simple here. The bad team fight over who gets to beat up their opponent, which is something I’d just let them do. If they’re going to expend energy and hurt each other, why stop them? Bradshaw, the Einstein of this group, beats Hardcore up while he’s fighting with Crash.

They both do blind tags, leading to another fight. Simmons, the smart one, just lets them do it. Hardcore turns around and walks into a spinebuster for the pin. See how smart it is to just let them beat each other up? Post match, the Hollies go at it even more. Somehow they would become tag champions someday.

Rating: B-. This is a hard one to call, as it was really 5 matches in one, but there were a lot of squashes in there too. Edge and Christian were on display here, as it was obvious they were the best in the company at this point. Overall, this was fine, but it needed more time, which is saying something as it was almost 20 minutes as it was. These kinds of matches are cool in theory, but they have to be done just right. This one came close to doing that.

Show and Taker are just getting here. Yeah thanks for showing up on time.

We cut to a shot of Pepper, Al Snow’s Chihuahua. He says something about how Bossman promised to get both of them, which he eventually would.

Before the match, Road Dogg, who is billed as a big deal in the division despite winning the title only one time, He challenges the winner of the Hardcore title match for tomorrow night. The more I see of him, the more I really like him. He’s very solid in the ring, he’s great on the mic, the fans are into him, and he has a decent resume. Jericho interrupts him though, as a complete rookie at this point.

He hadn’t even been in the company two weeks at this point. Jericho is on an extension of the stage which is up in the air. This was when he was the king of the internet, kind of like Danielson is today. Everyone knew he had all kinds of talent but was being completely wasted in WCW. In a few months with Angle and Benoit being around, they would start tearing the house down every time they were in the ring together and really revolutionize the company as a whole.

You can tell they trusted Jericho a lot, as he debuted in an argument with the Rock. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. He insults Road Dogg as its clear WWF understood him FAR better than WCW did, putting him with two of the best talkers in the company immediately. He is just tearing Road Dogg apart here, as he has the entire crowd going nuts with insults. Roadie’s response: Why don’t you shut up, boy? Yeah, Jericho is light years ahead of him here.

If you can ever find it online, get a copy of Jericho and Foley’s promos together. It’s just them trading these amazing insults and one liners about each other as they both keep trying to top one another. It’s some of the funniest work I’ve ever seen.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Bossman

Roadie joins JR and Jerry for commentary for this match. He immediately threatens to punch Jerry for using the same lines over and over again, gaining cheers from half the audience. Bossman is champion by the way. They do something that’s pretty cool here, as they give Road Dogg a microphone and he follows them around the arena giving commentary. I really like his style as he sounds like a fan cracking jokes about the match as it goes.

He has a very smooth voice and he’s easy to listen to. It’s also a treat for the fans as they never get to hear anything when they’re in the arena. They go into the back and in a spot I shouldn’t laugh at, Bossman picks up Snow’s dog’s box and throws it and the dog across the floor. They fight towards a Pepsi case, which they knock over.

There was no Pepsi in it which is good because Pepsi sucks. This is actually cool as they go outside the arena and fight more. They go across the street which I’m assuming was closed off and fight on the patio of a bar. This is actually really cool when you think about it, but it easily could have gone bad had cops or something not been filled in on this and thought it was a legit bar fight.

Bossman hits him in the head with a yellow pages, which would hurt actually as those things are heavy, especially for a major city like Minneapolis and possibly St. Paul. They do a bunch of random brawling using a bunch of weapons. Snow with a moonsault off a bar. The funny part of this is I’m reviewing this on the night that IC, Norcal and D-Man got together at a bar.

For no reason at all, Road Dogg hits Bossman in the back with the nightstick, followed by Snow hitting Bossman with some pool balls, which allows Snow to pin him on a pool table. Snow runs back to the arena to check on his dog and for no apparent reason beats up Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie. In the process of this he steals a guy’s crutch, causing him to fall down.

Rating: B. This was a run of the mill hardcore match from this era, meaning it was fun. You have to grade some matches on a different kind of scale and this one of them. You can’t grade this like you would a Benoit/Angle match. For what it was, this was a fun match that worked.

Mankind and Ventura are talking. Ventura says that while Mankind is hardcore and Jess is fine with that, if Foley uses a weapon for the pin, Jesse won’t count it. This somehow turns into a political debate that I’d pay to hear.

There’s another Lion’s Den match tonight, but this one has weapons.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Tori

Now this isn’t the Torrie that hung out with Stacy. This is Tori that was just around for awhile, mainly hanging out with X-Pac. She never really did much and from what I remember was AWFUL in the ring. Looked hot though. JR apologizes in advance, knowing that it’s going to suck. They’ve been….I guess you’d call it feuding, but this is pre-Lita/Trish, meaning it’s horrible at best for the most part.

Apparently the dog wasn’t in the dog box when Bossman threw it. This makes no sense as he yelled into the cage before throwing it, but whatever. This was when Ivory was just done being Henry’s sex toy, meaning she was still quite hot as long as you didn’t see her full face. Tori is a women’s wrestler, so naturally she has a martial arts background. Here’s some examples of the epicness of this match: Ivory hits a legdrop. Tori literally does not move.

She doesn’t sell, she doesn’t react, she doesn’t do anything and it just looks bad. Ivory then shouts “get ready for the big swing.” Yes, she’s using a giant swing. The crowd is chanting Take It Off, so you get the idea. The finish…might be the worst I’ve ever seen. I’ve been a fan of wrestling for over 20 years, I’ve seen thousands of matches, and I honestly have no clue what this was supposed to be.

Tori goes for a sunset flip and botches it, leading to Ivory being back in control. That’s all fine and good. They botch it, with Ivory being pushed too far and being out of the pin. Immediately after this, they do the EXACT SAME SPOT, but this time instead of Ivory going down like she normally would, she just sits on Tori’s chest. Ivory then “covers” Tori, who’s shoulder is AT LEAST three inches off the mat, for the pin to retain.

The air was allegedly knocked out of her, but she’s up withing seconds and is just fine. Afterwards, for no apparent reason, Ivory throws her on her stomach and starts to unhook her top. While I’m not complaining…actually yes I am. This makes no sense at all other than to embarrass him I guess, but still what’s the point?

She gets it off but before she can fulfill her latent lesbian desires, Luna freaking Vachon, who I swear has been with the company forever, runs out for the save. It went nowhere as far as I can remember.

Rating: F. Oy this was bad. Tori is just flat out awful and while Ivory would become good, she wasn’t there yet. This was just terrible in any and all forms, with the ending being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Terrible match to say the least.

Rock is with Michael Cole and embarrasses him, as it’s the best thing Cole did. Rock is just amazing here as he’s at his best, just before his hottest period, his summer long feud with HHH in 2000 over the title. For some reason tonight though, he’s against Billy Gunn, who is shown coming in with someone under a sheet.

We get a very different kind of video package, with Lawler and Ross doing prerecorded stuff which just sounds different. It’s odd to hear those two doing voiceover work. Anyway, basically both guy thinks they’re better with weapons than the other, so we have this to determine it.

Lion’s Den: Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock

They start with Blackman pulling nunchucks from his tights which he swings very well. This is more or less a martial arts match in a cage with weapons. It’s actually cool to see two guys that can do this kind of stuff, but I don’t want to see the weapons in there. Seeing these two trying to choke each other out and kicking the heck out of each other would be fun based on the short bits that they do here. I think you can only win by KO or tapping.

We get a kendo stick brought in. So far the weapons use is limited, which makes this a lot better for me. Blackman was ok I guess, but he just bored me to tears a lot of the time. I hated his time as hardcore champion. Those sticks he would use just drove me insane. As I restart the video after typing that, he’s got the sticks. This fight is ok, but I’m still not sold on the weapons stuff. This is kind of like MMA I guess, but only parts of it.

It’s close to a hybrid I guess you could call it, and that’s just fine. This cage is really small actually. Blackman is dominating, but he keeps letting Shamrock get up and it’s just kind of pointless looking. Shamrock’s belly to bellies are just freaking sick looking. Shamrock kills Blackman with the kendo stick to knock him out and end this. Shamrock celebrates to end this segment.

Rating: B-. This is a very hard one to grade as I could see people loving it, liking it or hating it. I could certainly get the argument of there’s no point to having this on a wrestling show and there’s a certain amount of truth to that. However, there’s certainly wrestling in there, and while I’d prefer no weapons, this was fine I thought.

We get a recap of Shane attacking Test on Heat. This was a very cool angle that I always liked, which directly led to the McMahon-Helmsley Era the next year. Here’s the idea: Vince McMahon, back in the spring, had a stable called the Union, comprised of Test, Shamrock, Big Show and Mankind. They were there to simply help him fight off Taker and the Ministry. The reason you’ve never heard of them was they disbanded after literally a month.

Anyway, one night Stephanie was kidnapped and the Union rescued her. Due to this, Vince granted them all a favor of their choice. Most of them picked matches, but Test said he wanted a date with Stephanie. He got what he wanted, and they became an onscreen couple. Now you have to remember at this time, Test was something like John Morrison is now: young, cool looking, tough, and looking like the next big thing.

Shane, being the big brother, decides that a wrestler isn’t good enough for his sister. Let the HHH jokes begin. Anyway, Stephanie yells at him to stay out, so he gets his friends, the Mean Street Posse, to help him fight Test. Naturally, he beats the tar out of all of them and gives them all injuries. Eventually we get to this: Shane vs. Test in a Love Her or Leave Her Greenwich Street Fight. The idea is simple: if Test wins, Shane stays out of their relationship. If Shane wins, they break up.

Street Fight: Shane McMahon vs. Test

The MSP comes out before we get started, all bandaged up etc. There just happens to be a couch waiting on them. Test has bad ribs btw. Within a minute they’re already out in the crowd. Naturally the Posse is already interfering, but Test throws Shane into them. Stephanie, pre implants, is watching in the back. There’s a mailbox next to the Posse, so of course they use it in the match. It’s more or less a standard street fight.

The crowd is way into Test here, so I’ve always wondered why he never took off. We go back to the ring and Shane busts out a freaking corkscrew moonsault from the top. Every time he’s in the ring he does something impressive and this is no exception. It looks great to say the least. It missed, but it looked great. Test misses a boot and kicks the heck out of the referee. Shane hits the elbow through the table.

That’s the real battle here: who has the better top rope elbow drop? For some reason in a match where there are no rules, the referee has to be distracted. That’s just kind of pointless don’t you think? Back in, Test kicks out to a big pop. For the life of me I don’t get why they dropped his push. He seems to be really over, at least in this match. More or less this is a four on one match, but it’s three jobbers and a part time wrestler.

This really shouldn’t be too much of a challenge, but they’re making it work. The Stooges are here to make the save though, as you don’t mess with the Real Americans. They beat up 2 of the Posse, allowing Test to kick the 3rd in the head, then beat the tar out of Shane with a SWEET looking elbow for the pin. Stephanie runs out to celebrate.

Rating: B. This was a very good street fight. The Posse interfering makes perfect sense as Shane isn’t a polished wrestler and would need help to win. The crowd was WAY into this too. There were good weapons spots, big moves and a solid ending. In short, this was very good and very fun.

Anyway, moving on we have the recap of the tag title match, which is the new champions Kane and X-Pac vs. Big Show and Undertaker. Taker was probably the most evil in his entire career at this point, more or less being the devil. This was around the time that X-Pac was trying to humanize Kane, which never really worked. These kinds of matches are why X-Pac gets the reputation he gets.

Against guy his size he works really well and he’s a fun guy to watch. However, putting him in the ring with three guys whose smallest is the 6’10 328lb Undertaker just does not work at all. He looks out of place and you get into the area where it’s about his heart, which makes even less sense. Also, the X Factor was a horrible move.

It’s a facebuster for those of you unfamiliar with it. For someone his size he needs to be using the ropes for a big high impact move. Those two things changed, Waltman could have been a decent guy. Instead, he’s more or less universally hated, which I don’t think is fair.

Tag Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Big Show/Undertaker

The announcers are asking about whether or not the challengers can trust each other. Kane has a different outfit which is his old red and black but inverted. It looks fairly awesome actually. Taker’s music is just freaking SWEET around this time. For some reason this feels like a No Mercy match to me. I mean the N64 game that is. Not sure why that’s the case but it feels like one.

Basically, this is what you’d expect: faces clean house to start and it gets down to Pac vs. Taker, but the size gets the better of it until Kane comes in. They do a spot that I really like as Taker is about to chokeslam Pac through the table but Kane just pulls him in over the top rope. I think I’m getting where the NM aspect comes in. Kane would be the first player, saving his much weaker partner from the other two guys on Expert mode.

He hits a move, goes for a cover, and saves his partner. Eventually he starts to get beaten down though, as would be expected I suppose. Watching Taker and Kane fight is almost always fun. The history there just makes it fun. It’s odd to see Kane as the face, and there’s a joke there somewhere, vs. Taker as the heel. Just realized the flaw in my No Mercy analogy: Big Show wasn’t in it, and Taker was a biker.

Pac gets in and finally gets the beating that we all knew was coming. The main thing here of course is the heart of X-Pac which I think I’ve mentioned before. Anyway, Show beats on him for awhile but since he hasn’t had a twinkie (I’m sure Rhodes or DiBiase would do) in awhile, he goes to the resthold of doom. We get one of the moves I’ve always hated: the Bronco Buster. Dang can someone just shoot whoever made that move?

Pac kicks out of a Showstopper and Taker is PISSED. He tags himself in, punches the small one, and tombstones the living heck out of him to get the tag titles. The belt looks small in Show’s hands.

Rating: D+. This just didn’t do it for me. I mean, I know the ending to about 95% of these matches, but a lot of them get me into it. This simply didn’t at all. It was just there and it wasn’t interesting, there was no drama, and it didn’t work. I think the issue here is you have three guys that combine to be over 1000 pounds, and then someone that barely clears 200.

The problem is that there’s far too much of a difference between the sizes and it just didn’t work for me. It would be the Rock N Sock Connection that would take the belts from these monsters in I think about three weeks.

Ventura gives his same speech to Austin.

Rock vs. Billy Gunn

This was a really weird period for Rock as he was over beyond belief, but Austin was just way too big of a star for Rock to get that top spot. The neck surgery was coming, and Rock would be launched so far into the stratosphere that you couldn’t see him anymore. By the way, this is being written just after Night of Champions ended, so if there’s some anti-Hardy remarks in here, don’t be surprised.

Anyway, Rock was thrown into worthless feud after worthless feud, even being paired with Gangrel for all of a minute. That should speak volumes for how out there they were with him. Anyway, Gunn has a fat lady with him, saying if Rock loses he kisses her, not his, so the ending is pretty obvious already. There was no point to this feud but it filled Rock’s time I guess. Billy Gunn…..where do I begin? This guy was given so many pushes and he never could get it right.

Somehow, this was his most successful gimmick. They’re on the floor and Rock puts King’s crown on Gunn before punching him. Why has no one ever used that as a weapon? If a cookie sheet hurts, that has to have some force behind it. For some reason, Lawler starts going over the possible types of underwear that the fat lady could be wearing. Ross’ reactions are just funny here.

They do the standard near falls, with Rock taking the fameasser, which for you young guys that don’t know, it’s what Cena does with the leg drop from the top, but Billy just got a running start. It always sucked though as he never got the leg in the right place. Eventually, the woman comes in and sets up in the corner, and you know what’s coming. Yes, Billy takes it which makes the woman smile. Rock is on fire here, drilling the Rock Bottom and the Elbow, as the fans are losing it.

Rating: B-. Seriously, the guy headlines Mania and this is the best they can do for him at the second biggest show of the year? That’s just kind of pathetic. Anyway, this was pretty bland, with no one thinking Rock would lose, but unlike in the Hardy/Punk match, they got the booking right! Ok I think I’m good now. Anyway, Rock wins, he looked good, he got the big pop, and his time was coming, but no one knew it yet.

Oh great. Now I get to recap the buildup for the main event. Sit back, because this might be the most complicated story outside of TNA in wrestling history. Ok, so one night, there was supposed to be a triple threat match to determine the #1 contender for Summerslam, but we didn’t know who the 3rd person was. We had HHH and Taker, but no third person. Commissioner HBK decided that the third person was Chyna.

Now, earlier in the night, someone had jumped Austin and hurt him. Austin shows up at the end of the show with a chair and kills HHH with it, implying he’s the one. It’s a hardcore match, so Austin throws Chyna onto HHH, making her the #1 contender. From what I remember reading, there was actually a debate going on about not only having Austin vs. Chyna, but actually GIVING HER THE TITLE.

Luckily, this lasted all of 9 seconds though as they came back to reality. Anyway, HHH is pissed about this, as at the time he was completely obsessed with being the WWF Champion. It was one of the best builds for someone being desperate to be champion that I’ve ever seen. His theme music was My Time at the moment, so everything for him was about claiming his destiny as WWF Champion.

The next week, we got HHH vs. Chyna for the spot. For no reason that I can remember at all, Mankind runs out and hits HHH with the stairs, allowing Chyna to pin him. THEN the next week, Mankind says that he wants a piece of the Summerslam action, and due to the obvious sexual tension between he and Chyna (find this promo. I don’t ever recall laughing so hard at wrestling as the look on Chyna’s face is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.)

Anyway, Mankind wins, but THEN Shane returns to announce that right here and right now, we’re having a no holds barred match to determine the undisputed #1 contender for Summerslam. HBK and Shane are both referees. Mankind gets the Claw on HHH, but the Game lands a belly to back onto a chair and we get a double pin.

Note: in one of the funniest and stupidest things I’ve ever heard, during this package (pun coming), we hear every curse word I can think of that you can say on TV, yet they censor Chyna saying balls. This amazed me to no end.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. HHH

Before the match, Jesse cuts a short but great promo, talking about how the media has said that he’s a disgrace to the office for being there. He says he’s proud he was a wrestler and he’s proud to be here tonight. That is just awesome.  You have to stop and think for a second: at the time, Ventura was the governor of Minnesota. This wasn’t some American Idol guy or NBA impersonator.

This is a major politician, who was considered a dark horse candidate for the White House. Another person called a dark horse candidate in the past: President Obama. Just think about that. Imagine 4 years ago having Barack Obama refereeing the main event of Summerslam and clearly being excited about it and not just waving and looking like he’d rather pound a rusty spike into his face.

You can tell Jesse is having fun up there and wants to be there. That’s a nice thing to see. For the most part, people that are wrestlers are proud of it and it’s not just something you do and then don’t do. Oh apparently Foley is in this because HHH injured his knee with the hammer. We get the shots of the walk towards the entrance, which I’m not sure if I like or not. Nothing beats the shot of the fans when the music hits, and I don’t want to see the guys before that.

HHH was wearing some weird vest made of chain link around this time. I never got the point of that. Foley’s pop is actually very solid so you know he’s still over, which is odd as he would be retired in about 8 months. Austin’s pop is MASSIVE. Foley is very smart here, staying on the floor at first and letting Austin and HHH fight. That’s brilliant, and it’s coming from one of the craziest wrestlers of all time.

Austin and Mankind beat up HHH, so Mankind hugs him and offers a handshake. Right hands follow. It’s your standard wild brawl to start with HHH and Austin doing most of the work. Wow. Upon a bit of research, Austin is only 34 here. It’s hard to think that his career was mostly over at this point. Chyna interferes and low blows Mankind, so Jesse throws her out.

The cool thing about Ventura is that he was always a guy that wasn’t afraid of anyone, and as a Navy SEAL, you knew he was tough. He’s perfect for this and has to be the best guest ref I can think of. Mankind and HHH work together, which you’ll never hear again. This match is just kind of going with the motions so far and while it’s good, it’s not great. HHH sets for what might have been a figure four while Mankind drops a leg.

It’s Hogan and Flair vs. Austin. This partnership lasts all of 18 seconds and it ends with a Cactus clothesline before Mankind runs across the apron and flips onto HHH. Mankind is doing flippys. Maybe he does belong in TNA. HHH is working on Austin’s bad knees which makes sense. Austin and HHH go into the crowd as Foley follows. You know one day someone needs to land a piledriver on the floor.

We always get it teased but we never see it. MORE VIOLENCE BLAST IT! Foley takes a good stunner. He just falls to the side, plain and simple. HHH breaks it up with a chair, and Jesse says he won’t count it. That’s just awesome on so many levels. Shane slides in to break up the fight between HHH and Jesse. The mouth on Jesse could rival Austin’s if my lip reading is working. Jesse throws Shane over the top as I’m loving this. This is just awesome.

He says that was for your old man you little bastard. Vince vs. Jesse NEEDS to happen. Who cares if they’re both senior citizens? Correction: Jesse is….58? WOW. I would have had him pushing social security. So….wow he was in his late 40s here? That explains a lot. Late 30s as well for the Mania stuff? I’m impressed. Mankind breaks up the pin on the stunner as we’re running very low on time.

HHH gets the pedigree, but Foley breaks it up and hits the double arm on Austin to win the title and shock the world. The fans are almost dead silent for about ten seconds, then go nuts as someone not named HHH is champion. HHH is just losing it in the corner as Jesse hands Foley the title. HHH lands about ten chair shots to the legs of Austin as he can’t believe he didn’t get the belt again.

He’d win the next night on Raw, with the rumor being that he was supposed to get it here, but Austin refused to job for him. That’s never been confirmed one way or the other though, and since this was the Attitude Era, it certainly could be wrong.

Rating: B+. This just didn’t have the main event feeling to it. Jesse definitely lived up to the hype here as he was about as good as you can get for a special guest referee. The match itself was good, but the ending was out of nowhere. It wasn’t bad or anything, but this was the definition of a swerve.

NO ONE saw this coming as the stars aligned for HHH on this night it seemed. Anyway, Foley winning was a nice surprise and kind of his last hurrah, saying that he still had it before the completely underrated feud with HHH started in about 2-3 months time.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was good, but just good. The matches are good enough, the main event was a twist, the fans were happy I suppose and there were some fun moments, but there’s no big spark to make it a great show. This would have been awesome as something like Judgment Day or No Way Out, but for Summerslam, it’s just a good show.

Mild recommendation, as it’s your traditional Attitude Era stuff: if you like this era you’ll love it and if you’re not a fan you’ll be very mildly entertained but get bored at some parts. It’s ok, but just barely.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – January 22, 2007: The Rumbley One

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 22, 2007
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble but you might not know it by watching the previous shows. The Rumble itself has barely been mentioned as most of the focus has been on Umaga vs. John Cena for the World Title. That’s not a bad move, but it is a bit of a weird one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory Of Bam Bam Bigelow. That’s a hard one.

We open with a recap of Rated-RKO taking out some of Shawn Michaels’ friends last week but getting taken out by Shawn himself in the main event.

Here is Shawn Michaels to get things going. Last week, he felt a feeling that he has tried to overcome for years. He does not like those feelings coming back but those days of stopping are gone. Shawn feels like he can be WWE Champion again and that starts this Sunday by winning the Royal Rumble. May God have mercy on the 29 other entrants who dare to get in his way and no mortal man is going to get in his way….but here is Edge to interrupt.

Edge talks about how he is the one who is going to win the Royal Rumble because he has been to the top of the mountain twice, but Shawn tells him to shut up. The fight is on and security can’t break it up. We take a break and come back with the break still on in the back and security still not being much good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Joey Mercury

Non-title and this is Raw vs. Smackdown as Jeff wants revenge on Mercury for helping take out Matt Hardy on Friday. Johnny Nitro and Melina are here too but Jeff throws Mercury in to start in a hurry. Mercury gets in a shot so Nitro pulls the mat back on the floor. That’s enough for an ejection but Mercury is able to grab Jeff’s face and rip away. Jeff fights up with some elbows to the face into the Whisper in the Wind. The Twist of Fate drops Mercury on his damaged face to give Jeff the fast pin.

Post match Jeff gets out of there before Nitro and Melina can get back.

Jonathan Coachman comes in to see Vince McMahon and has an idea for tonight. He’ll throw Shawn Michaels and Edge out, but Vince makes a street fight instead. In addition, Vince has an announcement to make in the ring.

Here are Vince and Coach for a chat. Vince talks about reading Donald Trump’s letter last week, so tonight he is going to read his own letter to Trump. The letter talks about Trump’s TV ratings being awful, but they will go up when Vince guest stars on the Apprentice. He is the reason for Raw’s ratings success, and it could be due to his good looks, his charisma, or his Herculean physique. The people love him and he loves them back. Fans: “A**HOLE!” Vince: “You’re making it tough to love you back!”

Vince promises to show his love for the people next week but here is John Cena to interrupt. Cena wants to know when Vince became Brother Love and tells him to stop yapping about Donald Trump. It’s like Vince is obsessed with him and an obsessed Vince McMahon is never a good thing. Cena: “Remember that obsession you had with starting your own football league?” Cena compares Vince and Trump, with Coach saying Trump does everything bigger than Vince, including having more money. That’s too far for Vince, who makes Cena vs. Coach for tonight.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

Masters jumps him to start but Crazy hits a quick middle rope crossbody. Crazy gets thrown down again and the stomping is on in a hurry. Back up and Crazy slugs away, including a spinwheel kick, which has Lawler thinking Crazy is “all jacked up on Mountain Dew.” Masters catches him coming out of the corner with the Masterlock but Crazy climbs the corner and drops back onto him for the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but Crazy wins to give him a little momentum. WWE seems interested in pushing him and he hasn’t done badly at all in response. I could go for a bit more of him and the fans seem to like him well enough. Granted it isn’t hard to get cheered against Masters, so the pairing does make sense.

Coach tries to convince Vince McMahon that he is way richer than Donald Trump but Vince is more worried about showing the fans how he appreciates them next week. Oh and Coach’s match with Cena is still on.

Kenny Dykstra insists that he is going to win the Royal Rumble on Sunday. He defeated Ric Flair three times so he knows he can do it. Maria doesn’t seem convinced but Dykstra says this is going to be his year.

A very banged up Randy Orton isn’t happy with Edge for leaving him to get mauled by Shawn Michaels last week. Edge tries to explain what happened and wants to know if Orton has his back in getting rid of Shawn Michaels tonight. Orton says we’ll wait and see as you can feel the tension.

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title. Actually hang on a second as Coach has another idea: we’re going to have a Royal Rumble, and if Cena wins, THEN he can face Coach one on one. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are here first and the double teaming is on in a hurry, including a bunch of right hands. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Cena and the beating is on in the corner. Cena fights out of said corner and tosses Murdoch without much effort.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are in next, with Viscera following shortly thereafter. Cade comes back in to help hold Cena down for Viscera’s elbow. Cue Great Khali to starts clearing the ring until Viscera and Cena are the only others left. A big boot drops Viscera and Khali tosses him, allowing Cena to come in off the top with a shoulder. That has almost no effect so Khali hits a clothesline and tosses him out for the win.

Rating: D+. This was much more of an angle than a match and that’s all it needed to be. Khali is becoming a player in a hurry because he is pretty easy to push. You can probably pencil him in for a title program soon after Wrestlemania is over and I’ve heard far worse ideas. Not much of a match of course, but at least it had a point.

Post match Khali runs Cena over again and drops him with ease, allowing Coach to run in for two. Cue Umaga to jump Cena from behind and I guess that’s a DQ? Either way, Umaga splashes Cena through a table to crush his ribs. It takes a long time to get rid of Umaga and Cena has to be helped to the back.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Victoria/Melina

This is Candice’s return after Victoria broke her nose, meaning a lot of nose pointing ensues. Mickie starts fast with a basement dropkick to Melina and we get the required spank. A hurricanrana sends Melina flying out of the corner but Victoria pulls Mickie down from the apron. There’s a double wishbone to keep Mickie in trouble and Melina chokes in the ropes, sending Lawler into hysterics.

Mickie avoids Victoria’s running charge in the corner and the hot tag brings in Candice to start cleaning house. A dropkick puts Melina down but Victoria hits a heck of a knee to the face. Mickie comes in for the save and dives onto Melina, leaving Candice to hit a middle rope….uh….I guess we’ll say elbow for the pin on Victoria.

Rating: D. Yeah what else were you expecting here? This was about getting Candice out there to show off what seems to be her new cosmetic enhancements and rather limited outfit. Candice is absolutely trying but there is a bit of a way to go between effort and success. Pretty bad match, but you can almost guarantee that Candice is getting a push in a hurry.

Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito, who sends Kenny into the corner without much effort. Kenny is right back with a dropkick into a chinlock but Carlito gets to his feet and hammers away. A springboard back elbow drops Kenny but he grabs a rollup into a pinfall reversal sequence. Kenny finally grabs the trunks for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing match here with Dykstra getting a win over someone other than Ric Flair. It doesn’t make things that much better for him as all of the problems are still there, but at least they are trying with someone else. At the same time, Carlito is still about as uninteresting as you can get, which has been the case for a long time now.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. Shawn Michaels from last week in the same video that started the show.

Cryme Tyme is selling Royal Rumble numbers to Eugene and Super Crazy. Since he is crazy, Crazy will take any number. Crazy is rather pleased with his number and Eugene gets #30. Hold on though as Cryme Tyme explains that he really wants to be #1…..which he can be for another $50. Eugene leaves, and we find out that not only are the numbers not real, but Eugene isn’t even in the number. Also, they sold the painting The Scream and it wasn’t real either. Cryme Tyme leaves and it turns out that Ron Simmons bought said painting. Guess what he has to say.

Royal Rumble Rundown.

We look back at Cena being taken out. Cena may have a ruptured spleen.

We look back at Edge and Shawn Michaels brawling earlier tonight.

Shawn Michaels vs. Edge

Street fight and they’re both in street clothes. Shawn wins the early slugout and pulls Edge’s belt off for a whipping. The weapons are brought in but Edge knocks him out of the air with a trashcan lid. We take a break and come back with Edge busted open and hitting him in the ribs with something made of metal.

Edge gets creative by superplexing a ladder onto Shawn for two but a powerbomb is broken up with some right hands to the head. The comeback is on with Shawn hitting the atomic drop. A chain is wrapped around Edge’s eyes and now he is busted open as well. Shawn drops Edge onto a ladder bridged over two sets of steps but Edge gets up to catch Shawn on top.

That doesn’t make a difference either though as Shawn drops Edge ribs first onto the ladder again. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Edge reverses into something like an electric chair (Edge tried to pick him up but dropped Shawn on the way to the shoulders). The spear is countered into the Thesz press though and Shawn grabs a chair to knock Edge silly. Another Conchairto is loaded up but here is Randy Orton to hit the RKO and give Edge the pin.

Rating: B. These two getting some time in a violent match is always going to work and that was the case here. It felt like a main event and the two of them beat each other up for about fifteen minutes. The ending makes sense given what they are doing as Edge and Orton want to destroy Shawn, but Orton is going to mess with Edge on the way there if he can.

Post match Orton throws Edge over the top but here are Ric Flair, Kenny Dykstra and Carlito in a row. Shawn comes back up with some Sweet Chin Musics

Overall Rating: D+. The main event was the only worthwhile thing on this show as the Royal Rumble only needs so much of a build. Umaga injuring Cena was a good angle but other than that and the main event, there wasn’t much to see on the whole thing. It isn’t that surprising as the pay per view is set, but it would have been nice to have more than one good match in two hours.

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Monday Night Raw – December 11, 2006: How To Accomplish Things

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 11, 2006
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting close to the end of the year and that means it’s time for a new year. That would be New Year’s Revolution and we are starting to see the card coming together. In this case, that means we need to move forward towards John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Umaga and whatever else is added. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada

Non-title. Before the match, Estrada says he knows no one here wants to see this match (Lawler disagrees) so we should just call it off. Estrada even offers a box of Cuban cigars to let him out of the match but Cena snaps one of them in half. Estrada: “That’s ok. Smoking’s bad!” How about Estrada’s diamond watch? JR thinks it’s out of the Uncle Elmer collection, and Cena snapping it in half might be proof. With that not working, Estrada busts out some cash and points out that we’re in a casino.

Cena takes said money and throws it into the crowd, meaning the match is still on. The destruction begins early with Cena knocking him around and easily blocking a brass knuckles shot. Estrada’s shirt is ripped open for the loud chops and Cena goes old school for the right hands to the head. The FU, with a smile, finishes in a hurry.

Post match Cena puts on the STFU but Johnny Nitro runs in for the save. Melina comes out as Nitro reminds Cena that he is training Kevin Federline for the Cena showdown on New Year’s Day.

Post break, Cena challenges Nitro for later tonight so Kevin Federline can get a preview.

Carlito/Jerry Lawler vs. Viscera/Chris Masters

This sounds like someone hit the random button on Smackdown vs. Raw. Lawler and Masters get things going with Masters hitting a quick slam. That makes Lawler think twice about things but Masters takes him into the corner for the tag off to Viscera anyway. The missed charge lets Lawler….get shoved by Masters so Viscera can hammer away against the ropes. Viscera drops the big elbow for two and we hit the chinlock, followed by the sitout chokebomb (that’s a big bump for Lawler) for two more.

Masters comes in and takes some forearms to the chest but spends too much time posing, allowing Lawler to get two off a sunset flip. It’s off to Carlito to pick up the pace, including dropkicking Masters down. Viscera cuts him off with a heck of a sidewalk slam but Lawler is back in with the right hands. The splash crushes Lawler in the corner but Carlito slips out of the Masterlock attempt and rolls Viscera up for the pin.

Rating: C-. I can’t believe it but this worked out pretty well. Lawler was working hard in there and Viscera was fine in the monster roll. Leaving Carlito and Masters out of the mix for the most part was probably a good idea, which makes things all the weirder. Lawler continues to be better at this stuff than a lot of people might expect and it worked out well here.

Cryme Tyme played the Highlanders in some Three Card Monte earlier today. The Highlanders get hustled, as you might have expected. Charlie Haas comes in (I didn’t expect that) to say this is perpetuating stereotypes so JTG says they’ll try to make this a more appropriate environment. Shelton Benjamin comes in and doesn’t seem pleased, meaning tonight, the World’s Greatest Tag Team is back. Haas: “HE SAID THE WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM IS BACK! DY-NO-MITE! FOR SHIZZLE!” Haas and Benjamin leave, with Rory saying he didn’t know Haas was black.

We look back at Kenny helping Rated-RKO win a match but get beaten down by DX after the match.

Kenny comes in to see Rated-RKO, who doesn’t like him taking credit for the win. Orton: “As quick as you can say Spirit Squad, you got superkicked and Pedigreed.” Edge tells Kenny to watch him beat HHH tonight.

Next week: a special three hour Raw, featuring a thirty man battle royal with the winner facing John Cena for the World Title the same night.

Highlanders vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas works on Rory’s arm to start but gets taken into the corner for a top rope ax handle from Robbie. An overhead belly to belly sends Robbie flying and Shelton adds a suplex of his own. There’s a slam onto Haas’ knee but Robbie manages a Russian legsweep, allowing the hot tag off to Rory. Everything breaks down and Shelton kicks Robbie outside. Shelton jumps over Haas to land on the hanging Rory’s back, setting up a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. It isn’t like there are many teams that much better than Haas and Benjamin at the moment so the match result is hardly some horrible decision. The Highlanders stopped mattering a long time ago, even after the boost from Roddy Piper. Getting Haas and Benjamin back to doing something is fine, and this worked for a return.

This Week In Wrestling History: AWA SuperClash III, with a focus on Von Erich vs. Lawler and that horrible finish. Why yes, there is an AWA DVD coming out soon.

Edge vs. HHH

No seconds here, at least to start. HHH goes straight to the brawling and takes it outside to send Edge into the announcers’ table. Back in and the jumping knee to the face sends Edge outside again, followed by an elbow to do it again. HHH follows but here’s Randy Orton for the DQ.

Post match the brawl is on until Shawn Michaels, Kenny and Ric Flair run in for the subsequent saves. Cue Coach for the six man announcement.

DX/Ric Flair vs. Rated-RKO/Kenny

We’re joined in progress with Flair chopping Kenny into the corner so HHH can come in for a delayed suplex. There’s the knee drop as Lawler gets in a South Park reference. Shawn comes in to use Kenny’s headband for a choke, because veterans can cheap and be charming. HHH adds a chop block so it’s off to Edge, who gets taken down by the leg as well. That’s enough for Orton to come in and break up the Figure Four, meaning it’s time to hammer on Flair.

The villains start taking turns on Flair, with Edge forearming him down in the corner to cut off a comeback bid. An elbow to the head gets two on Edge and the armbar goes on. With that dropped, Flair chops him out of the air and hands it off to Shawn to start picking up the pace. Shawn superkicks Edge but walks into the RKO from Orton to put them both down.

We take a break and come back with Shawn and Orton striking it out until Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker. Edge comes in but misses the high crossbody, meaning HHH can come in to really clean house. It’s quickly back to Flair for the Figure Four but everything breaks down again. Kenny tries his own Figure Four but Flair small packages him for the pin.

Rating: C+. This did what it needed to do, including letting Flair come back and get a win to put him back on the right track. There wasn’t much to the wrestling but it told a nice enough story. Also, having Kenny in there to take falls should help Edge and Orton from taking all of the falls.

Post match the good guys celebrate but Edge and Randy Orton come back in to clean house. The Conchairto is loaded up but HHH makes the save with the sledgehammer, including using it to knock a chair out of Edge’s hands in a cool visual.

Johnny Nitro and Melina are on the phone with Kevin Federline, who remind him that they are going to take care of John Cena tonight (along with reminding him of who they are). Coach comes in and says hi but Federline doesn’t know who Coach is. With that out of the way, Coach announces that Nitro is going to challenge Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title at New Year’s Revolution in a cage. Melina looks nervous here and they all walk off, leaving Ron Simmons to come in for the catchphrase while Federline is stillon the phone.

Torrie Wilson is freaked out about facing Victoria because she is on the hit list. Carlito calms her down, partially with his lips.

Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson

Torrie looks terrified and gets kicked down without much effort to start. There’s a catapult to send Torrie throat first into the bottom rope and Victoria bites off one of Torrie’s fingernails. Torrie grabs a rollup for two, earning herself the Widow’s Peak for the fast pin.

Post match Victoria checks Torrie off the list. Cue Chris Masters to hit the ring with the Masterlock on Torrie. Carlito makes the fast save and staring ensues.

Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title, Armando Alejandro Estrada isn’t here and Hardy gets shoved down in a hurry. The sunset flip is blocked but Umaga misses the sitdown splash. That lets Hardy hit a slingshot splash for two and the Whisper in the Wind sends us to a break. Back with Jeff kicking away at Umaga from the apron until Umaga pulls him down. They head back inside for the nerve hold, followed by….another nerve hold.

Hardy fights up so Umaga blasts him with a running clothesline for another knockdown. Umaga misses a top rope splash though and Hardy has a chance. The Swanton connects for two with the kickout launching Hardy. Umaga ties him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt. Back to back running hip attacks knock Hardy cold and the referee stops it.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty clever way to give Umaga a win without taking the title off of Hardy or having him get pinned. Umaga as being even more of a monster without Estrada around was a little more interesting and they are making the idea of Cena going after the monster more appealing. Nice storytelling here and it helped make the title match that much better.

Post match Umaga hits another hip attack and Samoan Spikes Hardy and the referee. So why would Estrada be at ringside for the Cena match?

John Cena vs. Johnny Nitro

Non-title and Melina is here with Nitro. Cena charges straight in and starts the fight early, including an elbow to the jaw. An even harder clothesline takes Nitro’s head off as JR is going on a rather long rant about respect. Nitro gets knocked outside as we hear about Cena being a huge wrestling fan as a kid. Lawler comments by talking about how Melina has some magnificent Muracos.

Melina pulls Nitro outside so Cena glares at her and clotheslines Nitro again. A legsweep lets Nitro put his feet on the ropes for one, followed by a dropkick to finally put Cena on the floor for a change. With Melina hitting a rather long scream, Nitro sends him into the steps for two and Melina yells even more. A neckbreaker gives Nitro two and he low bridges Cena outside to make it worse.

Back in and Cena wins the slugout, only to get poked in the eye. We hit the sleeper so Cena drops backwards for the crash break. Nitro puts it on again but Cena fights up to power out of it again. A belly to back faceplant gives Nitro two and the corkscrew moonsault connects, even if it almost wound up looking like a Swanton to the knee. Cena fights back up and initiates the finishing sequence, capped off by the FU for the pin. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C. I’m curious if that landing knocked Nitro a little silly and they went to the finish in a hurry as a result. The landing looked awful as Nitro almost landed on his own head so there wasn’t much room for error. Cena winning isn’t going to hurt Nitro, as he and Hardy can have a rather good match under any circumstances. Good enough main event here.

Overall Rating: C+. This show had the focus that they have been needing to get ready for the pay per view. Between the main event guys looking unstoppable and the other matches getting some attention of their own, I’m wanting to see the pay per view that much more. They still need to add a few more things, but we can cover that on next week’s special show. This week had its own tasks though and for once, WWE took care of them and more.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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