Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well not much has changed since last year. Austin is still dominating the wrestling world, but he’d be injured very soon and get run over, leaving for a year. Tonight though, he’s facing the young stud known as HHH and Mankind in a triple threat for the belt. The only big change that’s happened is HHH and Rock have switched sides in the eternal struggle between heel and face.

Also, a lot of the Attitude Era favorites are here now, such as the APA, the hardcore title, the Big Show and Billy Gunn. Oh and Al Snow, but no one likes him. (Foley is my all time favorite. I couldn’t help it.) Angle has been there for about 4 months, Jericho has been there less than two weeks, debuting 13 days prior to this show, and Benoit and co. would show up at the end of January.

The big deal to this show is that there’s a special referee for the main event: the governor of the state of Minnesota, Jesse “The Body” Ventura!!!! This was huge at the time because he was in office at the time, so if nothing else it got a lot of mainstream publicity. Therefore, let’s get to this. Oh and one more thing: Smackdown would debut as a regular series four days after this.

We get a recap of guest referee history (coming soon to a history channel near YOU) which include Tyson and McMahon and McMahon Jr. HHH and Austin say they’ll beat up Jesse if they have to, but he says he has the power. Now we’re in the arena with a huge pyro show. Jesse is in the back with HHH and Chyna, saying that HHH has to follow the rules or he won’t be champion. We cut to Jericho from earlier today, waiting on someone. Harold Finkle comes running up and apologizes for being late.

IC/European Titles: D’Lo Brown vs. Jeff Jarrett

Yes, Brown has both titles. Jarrett comes out with Debra, who is in a bikini and a coat. He sends her back, much to the King’s dismay, but we see her with Brown who she accompanies to ringside instead. Ross tries to convince the people that the pop is for Brown and not Debra. Even I don’t buy that one Jimmy boy. They talk about Brown’s incredible weight loss as at one point he weighed over 400lbs, yet for this match he weighs in at about 250.

That really is not only impressive but should be applauded, if nothing else for the health aspect. Once again, the lady is the main focus of this match, or in this case her chest is. If her face wasn’t so unnatural looking, she’d be VERY hot instead of just having a huge chest. The match is short, yet interesting. We’re in the fast paced, more intense style that’s always fun. Here, Brown actually controls most of this, which isn’t something that you see very often actually.

Jarrett makes him look good, which is better because Jarrett would be gone within two months, heading back to WCW as a big name until they closed. Anyway, Debra gets on the apron, yet Jarrett grabs the guitar and yells at her. If he’s going to use the guitar and Debra is there, why not hit him while she has the referee? Anyway, Mark Henry runs out and helps Brown, only to nail him seconds later to give Jeff two titles. Debra wasn’t with Brown and it was a swerve, which is fine I guess. At least they didn’t’ try to make it something major.

Rating: B-. Solid opener here, with some nice intense stuff. Never been a fan of unified titles like this but I guess it’s ok. Debra was the big deal here, but unlike last year with Sable it was more subtle and it certainly wasn’t like having a big spotlight on her all night, which was a major plus. Not a great match, but good for an opener.

Edge and Christian say they’ll win the tag team turmoil match.

Tag Team Turmoil

I’ve always liked this idea. You have 6 teams. Two start and have a tag match. The losers are eliminated, and then the third team comes in. You keep going until there’s one team left. The winners get a tag title shot tomorrow night on Raw. Oh while Edge and Christian are coming out, JR is still upset about what Henry did, because D’lo was trying to help his career. My goodness what would he have been like had Brown not helped?

Anyway, we start with E/C and the New Brood, aka the Hardys, who are heels if you can believe that. The Dudleyz weren’t quite there yet, but very soon these three would start dominating the tag division as you already know. The match starts with a standard back and forth fast paced match. I’ll spare a lot of the details here as most of these are going to last about three minutes at most. It amazes me that you have these four guys and Matt is easily the least successful of them all.

Who would have believed that you have at least 13 world title reigns in there? That’s unbelievable. Anyway, we go to the floor and it gets insane. You can tell how much these four are loving this as they’re killing each other out there. When the Dudleys came in a few months or maybe even weeks, the ante would be upped even more, especially with the ladders becoming more prevalent. Anyway, Edge hits an electric chair followed by what I think is a diving elbow from Christian to eliminate the Hardys.

Out next are Mideon and Viscera. And here is where the match starts to become an issue with the time. This lasts all of two minutes so there’s not a lot I can say. It might be better for it to be short though, given the wrestling abilities or lack thereof in the new team out there. Big Daddy V is somehow more annoying here with that stupid looking yellow Mohawk of his.

He uses that spin kick which is one of his best ever, nearly hitting Edge in the shoulder. It looks impressive, but it never actually connects, at least not that I can remember. Other than that, this is exactly what you would expect. Christian gets beaten up, Edge comes in and they double team Vis before spearing Mideon for the pin, and we get team #4.

Ross is talking about how spent Edge and Christian must be. Why in the world would they be spent? They’ve been wrestling less than 10 minutes and they get about 45 seconds to rest between falls. To say they’re tired is just stupid. The next team is Droz and Prince Albert. I’ll spare you the jokes about piercings, but years later when I found out what the name meant, I wince every time I hear it.

Anyway, this is more or less a team that was just thrown together because there was nothing else to do with them, which can work just fine. The New Age Outlaws got together this way and it worked fine. Anyway, neither guy was anything special yet and for the most part, they never were period. In case you don’t know, Albert became the A-Train.

Sadly enough, Droz would be paralyzed within two months of this, never walking again for the rest of his life, at least since then. This one goes even shorter, with Edge hitting the Downward Spiral after about two minutes. This is the problem with matches like these: unless you let them go an hour, you make a lot of matches and teams just seem like wastes of time and filler.

The fifth team is the Acolytes, not yet the APA. APA was the team that lost the belts to X-Pac and Kane, the current champions, so this was their chance to get the belts back the next night on Raw. Anyway, they’re the big monsters here and one of my favorite teams at the time, at least until the Dudleyz came in a few weeks later to really breathe new life into the division, not that it really needed it at the time, but it didn’t hurt things at all really.

It’s weird to think that at the time, Simmons was by far and away the most successful of these four, yet in the end, he’ll be the least successful. They just beat the tar out of Edge before we go to a big brawl, with Christian taking over on Farooq. For no reason at all, the Hollies come down as the final team, despite not being in the match yet. I guess they just jumped too early? Anyway, Bradshaw, big clothesline, yeah.

Hollies and APA to end this, and this seems REALLY simple here. The bad team fight over who gets to beat up their opponent, which is something I’d just let them do. If they’re going to expend energy and hurt each other, why stop them? Bradshaw, the Einstein of this group, beats Hardcore up while he’s fighting with Crash.

They both do blind tags, leading to another fight. Simmons, the smart one, just lets them do it. Hardcore turns around and walks into a spinebuster for the pin. See how smart it is to just let them beat each other up? Post match, the Hollies go at it even more. Somehow they would become tag champions someday.

Rating: B-. This is a hard one to call, as it was really 5 matches in one, but there were a lot of squashes in there too. Edge and Christian were on display here, as it was obvious they were the best in the company at this point. Overall, this was fine, but it needed more time, which is saying something as it was almost 20 minutes as it was. These kinds of matches are cool in theory, but they have to be done just right. This one came close to doing that.

Show and Taker are just getting here. Yeah thanks for showing up on time.

We cut to a shot of Pepper, Al Snow’s Chihuahua. He says something about how Bossman promised to get both of them, which he eventually would.

Before the match, Road Dogg, who is billed as a big deal in the division despite winning the title only one time, He challenges the winner of the Hardcore title match for tomorrow night. The more I see of him, the more I really like him. He’s very solid in the ring, he’s great on the mic, the fans are into him, and he has a decent resume. Jericho interrupts him though, as a complete rookie at this point.

He hadn’t even been in the company two weeks at this point. Jericho is on an extension of the stage which is up in the air. This was when he was the king of the internet, kind of like Danielson is today. Everyone knew he had all kinds of talent but was being completely wasted in WCW. In a few months with Angle and Benoit being around, they would start tearing the house down every time they were in the ring together and really revolutionize the company as a whole.

You can tell they trusted Jericho a lot, as he debuted in an argument with the Rock. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. He insults Road Dogg as its clear WWF understood him FAR better than WCW did, putting him with two of the best talkers in the company immediately. He is just tearing Road Dogg apart here, as he has the entire crowd going nuts with insults. Roadie’s response: Why don’t you shut up, boy? Yeah, Jericho is light years ahead of him here.

If you can ever find it online, get a copy of Jericho and Foley’s promos together. It’s just them trading these amazing insults and one liners about each other as they both keep trying to top one another. It’s some of the funniest work I’ve ever seen.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Bossman

Roadie joins JR and Jerry for commentary for this match. He immediately threatens to punch Jerry for using the same lines over and over again, gaining cheers from half the audience. Bossman is champion by the way. They do something that’s pretty cool here, as they give Road Dogg a microphone and he follows them around the arena giving commentary. I really like his style as he sounds like a fan cracking jokes about the match as it goes.

He has a very smooth voice and he’s easy to listen to. It’s also a treat for the fans as they never get to hear anything when they’re in the arena. They go into the back and in a spot I shouldn’t laugh at, Bossman picks up Snow’s dog’s box and throws it and the dog across the floor. They fight towards a Pepsi case, which they knock over.

There was no Pepsi in it which is good because Pepsi sucks. This is actually cool as they go outside the arena and fight more. They go across the street which I’m assuming was closed off and fight on the patio of a bar. This is actually really cool when you think about it, but it easily could have gone bad had cops or something not been filled in on this and thought it was a legit bar fight.

Bossman hits him in the head with a yellow pages, which would hurt actually as those things are heavy, especially for a major city like Minneapolis and possibly St. Paul. They do a bunch of random brawling using a bunch of weapons. Snow with a moonsault off a bar. The funny part of this is I’m reviewing this on the night that IC, Norcal and D-Man got together at a bar.

For no reason at all, Road Dogg hits Bossman in the back with the nightstick, followed by Snow hitting Bossman with some pool balls, which allows Snow to pin him on a pool table. Snow runs back to the arena to check on his dog and for no apparent reason beats up Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie. In the process of this he steals a guy’s crutch, causing him to fall down.

Rating: B. This was a run of the mill hardcore match from this era, meaning it was fun. You have to grade some matches on a different kind of scale and this one of them. You can’t grade this like you would a Benoit/Angle match. For what it was, this was a fun match that worked.

Mankind and Ventura are talking. Ventura says that while Mankind is hardcore and Jess is fine with that, if Foley uses a weapon for the pin, Jesse won’t count it. This somehow turns into a political debate that I’d pay to hear.

There’s another Lion’s Den match tonight, but this one has weapons.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Tori

Now this isn’t the Torrie that hung out with Stacy. This is Tori that was just around for awhile, mainly hanging out with X-Pac. She never really did much and from what I remember was AWFUL in the ring. Looked hot though. JR apologizes in advance, knowing that it’s going to suck. They’ve been….I guess you’d call it feuding, but this is pre-Lita/Trish, meaning it’s horrible at best for the most part.

Apparently the dog wasn’t in the dog box when Bossman threw it. This makes no sense as he yelled into the cage before throwing it, but whatever. This was when Ivory was just done being Henry’s sex toy, meaning she was still quite hot as long as you didn’t see her full face. Tori is a women’s wrestler, so naturally she has a martial arts background. Here’s some examples of the epicness of this match: Ivory hits a legdrop. Tori literally does not move.

She doesn’t sell, she doesn’t react, she doesn’t do anything and it just looks bad. Ivory then shouts “get ready for the big swing.” Yes, she’s using a giant swing. The crowd is chanting Take It Off, so you get the idea. The finish…might be the worst I’ve ever seen. I’ve been a fan of wrestling for over 20 years, I’ve seen thousands of matches, and I honestly have no clue what this was supposed to be.

Tori goes for a sunset flip and botches it, leading to Ivory being back in control. That’s all fine and good. They botch it, with Ivory being pushed too far and being out of the pin. Immediately after this, they do the EXACT SAME SPOT, but this time instead of Ivory going down like she normally would, she just sits on Tori’s chest. Ivory then “covers” Tori, who’s shoulder is AT LEAST three inches off the mat, for the pin to retain.

The air was allegedly knocked out of her, but she’s up withing seconds and is just fine. Afterwards, for no apparent reason, Ivory throws her on her stomach and starts to unhook her top. While I’m not complaining…actually yes I am. This makes no sense at all other than to embarrass him I guess, but still what’s the point?

She gets it off but before she can fulfill her latent lesbian desires, Luna freaking Vachon, who I swear has been with the company forever, runs out for the save. It went nowhere as far as I can remember.

Rating: F. Oy this was bad. Tori is just flat out awful and while Ivory would become good, she wasn’t there yet. This was just terrible in any and all forms, with the ending being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. Terrible match to say the least.

Rock is with Michael Cole and embarrasses him, as it’s the best thing Cole did. Rock is just amazing here as he’s at his best, just before his hottest period, his summer long feud with HHH in 2000 over the title. For some reason tonight though, he’s against Billy Gunn, who is shown coming in with someone under a sheet.

We get a very different kind of video package, with Lawler and Ross doing prerecorded stuff which just sounds different. It’s odd to hear those two doing voiceover work. Anyway, basically both guy thinks they’re better with weapons than the other, so we have this to determine it.

Lion’s Den: Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock

They start with Blackman pulling nunchucks from his tights which he swings very well. This is more or less a martial arts match in a cage with weapons. It’s actually cool to see two guys that can do this kind of stuff, but I don’t want to see the weapons in there. Seeing these two trying to choke each other out and kicking the heck out of each other would be fun based on the short bits that they do here. I think you can only win by KO or tapping.

We get a kendo stick brought in. So far the weapons use is limited, which makes this a lot better for me. Blackman was ok I guess, but he just bored me to tears a lot of the time. I hated his time as hardcore champion. Those sticks he would use just drove me insane. As I restart the video after typing that, he’s got the sticks. This fight is ok, but I’m still not sold on the weapons stuff. This is kind of like MMA I guess, but only parts of it.

It’s close to a hybrid I guess you could call it, and that’s just fine. This cage is really small actually. Blackman is dominating, but he keeps letting Shamrock get up and it’s just kind of pointless looking. Shamrock’s belly to bellies are just freaking sick looking. Shamrock kills Blackman with the kendo stick to knock him out and end this. Shamrock celebrates to end this segment.

Rating: B-. This is a very hard one to grade as I could see people loving it, liking it or hating it. I could certainly get the argument of there’s no point to having this on a wrestling show and there’s a certain amount of truth to that. However, there’s certainly wrestling in there, and while I’d prefer no weapons, this was fine I thought.

We get a recap of Shane attacking Test on Heat. This was a very cool angle that I always liked, which directly led to the McMahon-Helmsley Era the next year. Here’s the idea: Vince McMahon, back in the spring, had a stable called the Union, comprised of Test, Shamrock, Big Show and Mankind. They were there to simply help him fight off Taker and the Ministry. The reason you’ve never heard of them was they disbanded after literally a month.

Anyway, one night Stephanie was kidnapped and the Union rescued her. Due to this, Vince granted them all a favor of their choice. Most of them picked matches, but Test said he wanted a date with Stephanie. He got what he wanted, and they became an onscreen couple. Now you have to remember at this time, Test was something like John Morrison is now: young, cool looking, tough, and looking like the next big thing.

Shane, being the big brother, decides that a wrestler isn’t good enough for his sister. Let the HHH jokes begin. Anyway, Stephanie yells at him to stay out, so he gets his friends, the Mean Street Posse, to help him fight Test. Naturally, he beats the tar out of all of them and gives them all injuries. Eventually we get to this: Shane vs. Test in a Love Her or Leave Her Greenwich Street Fight. The idea is simple: if Test wins, Shane stays out of their relationship. If Shane wins, they break up.

Street Fight: Shane McMahon vs. Test

The MSP comes out before we get started, all bandaged up etc. There just happens to be a couch waiting on them. Test has bad ribs btw. Within a minute they’re already out in the crowd. Naturally the Posse is already interfering, but Test throws Shane into them. Stephanie, pre implants, is watching in the back. There’s a mailbox next to the Posse, so of course they use it in the match. It’s more or less a standard street fight.

The crowd is way into Test here, so I’ve always wondered why he never took off. We go back to the ring and Shane busts out a freaking corkscrew moonsault from the top. Every time he’s in the ring he does something impressive and this is no exception. It looks great to say the least. It missed, but it looked great. Test misses a boot and kicks the heck out of the referee. Shane hits the elbow through the table.

That’s the real battle here: who has the better top rope elbow drop? For some reason in a match where there are no rules, the referee has to be distracted. That’s just kind of pointless don’t you think? Back in, Test kicks out to a big pop. For the life of me I don’t get why they dropped his push. He seems to be really over, at least in this match. More or less this is a four on one match, but it’s three jobbers and a part time wrestler.

This really shouldn’t be too much of a challenge, but they’re making it work. The Stooges are here to make the save though, as you don’t mess with the Real Americans. They beat up 2 of the Posse, allowing Test to kick the 3rd in the head, then beat the tar out of Shane with a SWEET looking elbow for the pin. Stephanie runs out to celebrate.

Rating: B. This was a very good street fight. The Posse interfering makes perfect sense as Shane isn’t a polished wrestler and would need help to win. The crowd was WAY into this too. There were good weapons spots, big moves and a solid ending. In short, this was very good and very fun.

Anyway, moving on we have the recap of the tag title match, which is the new champions Kane and X-Pac vs. Big Show and Undertaker. Taker was probably the most evil in his entire career at this point, more or less being the devil. This was around the time that X-Pac was trying to humanize Kane, which never really worked. These kinds of matches are why X-Pac gets the reputation he gets.

Against guy his size he works really well and he’s a fun guy to watch. However, putting him in the ring with three guys whose smallest is the 6’10 328lb Undertaker just does not work at all. He looks out of place and you get into the area where it’s about his heart, which makes even less sense. Also, the X Factor was a horrible move.

It’s a facebuster for those of you unfamiliar with it. For someone his size he needs to be using the ropes for a big high impact move. Those two things changed, Waltman could have been a decent guy. Instead, he’s more or less universally hated, which I don’t think is fair.

Tag Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Big Show/Undertaker

The announcers are asking about whether or not the challengers can trust each other. Kane has a different outfit which is his old red and black but inverted. It looks fairly awesome actually. Taker’s music is just freaking SWEET around this time. For some reason this feels like a No Mercy match to me. I mean the N64 game that is. Not sure why that’s the case but it feels like one.

Basically, this is what you’d expect: faces clean house to start and it gets down to Pac vs. Taker, but the size gets the better of it until Kane comes in. They do a spot that I really like as Taker is about to chokeslam Pac through the table but Kane just pulls him in over the top rope. I think I’m getting where the NM aspect comes in. Kane would be the first player, saving his much weaker partner from the other two guys on Expert mode.

He hits a move, goes for a cover, and saves his partner. Eventually he starts to get beaten down though, as would be expected I suppose. Watching Taker and Kane fight is almost always fun. The history there just makes it fun. It’s odd to see Kane as the face, and there’s a joke there somewhere, vs. Taker as the heel. Just realized the flaw in my No Mercy analogy: Big Show wasn’t in it, and Taker was a biker.

Pac gets in and finally gets the beating that we all knew was coming. The main thing here of course is the heart of X-Pac which I think I’ve mentioned before. Anyway, Show beats on him for awhile but since he hasn’t had a twinkie (I’m sure Rhodes or DiBiase would do) in awhile, he goes to the resthold of doom. We get one of the moves I’ve always hated: the Bronco Buster. Dang can someone just shoot whoever made that move?

Pac kicks out of a Showstopper and Taker is PISSED. He tags himself in, punches the small one, and tombstones the living heck out of him to get the tag titles. The belt looks small in Show’s hands.

Rating: D+. This just didn’t do it for me. I mean, I know the ending to about 95% of these matches, but a lot of them get me into it. This simply didn’t at all. It was just there and it wasn’t interesting, there was no drama, and it didn’t work. I think the issue here is you have three guys that combine to be over 1000 pounds, and then someone that barely clears 200.

The problem is that there’s far too much of a difference between the sizes and it just didn’t work for me. It would be the Rock N Sock Connection that would take the belts from these monsters in I think about three weeks.

Ventura gives his same speech to Austin.

Rock vs. Billy Gunn

This was a really weird period for Rock as he was over beyond belief, but Austin was just way too big of a star for Rock to get that top spot. The neck surgery was coming, and Rock would be launched so far into the stratosphere that you couldn’t see him anymore. By the way, this is being written just after Night of Champions ended, so if there’s some anti-Hardy remarks in here, don’t be surprised.

Anyway, Rock was thrown into worthless feud after worthless feud, even being paired with Gangrel for all of a minute. That should speak volumes for how out there they were with him. Anyway, Gunn has a fat lady with him, saying if Rock loses he kisses her, not his, so the ending is pretty obvious already. There was no point to this feud but it filled Rock’s time I guess. Billy Gunn…..where do I begin? This guy was given so many pushes and he never could get it right.

Somehow, this was his most successful gimmick. They’re on the floor and Rock puts King’s crown on Gunn before punching him. Why has no one ever used that as a weapon? If a cookie sheet hurts, that has to have some force behind it. For some reason, Lawler starts going over the possible types of underwear that the fat lady could be wearing. Ross’ reactions are just funny here.

They do the standard near falls, with Rock taking the fameasser, which for you young guys that don’t know, it’s what Cena does with the leg drop from the top, but Billy just got a running start. It always sucked though as he never got the leg in the right place. Eventually, the woman comes in and sets up in the corner, and you know what’s coming. Yes, Billy takes it which makes the woman smile. Rock is on fire here, drilling the Rock Bottom and the Elbow, as the fans are losing it.

Rating: B-. Seriously, the guy headlines Mania and this is the best they can do for him at the second biggest show of the year? That’s just kind of pathetic. Anyway, this was pretty bland, with no one thinking Rock would lose, but unlike in the Hardy/Punk match, they got the booking right! Ok I think I’m good now. Anyway, Rock wins, he looked good, he got the big pop, and his time was coming, but no one knew it yet.

Oh great. Now I get to recap the buildup for the main event. Sit back, because this might be the most complicated story outside of TNA in wrestling history. Ok, so one night, there was supposed to be a triple threat match to determine the #1 contender for Summerslam, but we didn’t know who the 3rd person was. We had HHH and Taker, but no third person. Commissioner HBK decided that the third person was Chyna.

Now, earlier in the night, someone had jumped Austin and hurt him. Austin shows up at the end of the show with a chair and kills HHH with it, implying he’s the one. It’s a hardcore match, so Austin throws Chyna onto HHH, making her the #1 contender. From what I remember reading, there was actually a debate going on about not only having Austin vs. Chyna, but actually GIVING HER THE TITLE.

Luckily, this lasted all of 9 seconds though as they came back to reality. Anyway, HHH is pissed about this, as at the time he was completely obsessed with being the WWF Champion. It was one of the best builds for someone being desperate to be champion that I’ve ever seen. His theme music was My Time at the moment, so everything for him was about claiming his destiny as WWF Champion.

The next week, we got HHH vs. Chyna for the spot. For no reason that I can remember at all, Mankind runs out and hits HHH with the stairs, allowing Chyna to pin him. THEN the next week, Mankind says that he wants a piece of the Summerslam action, and due to the obvious sexual tension between he and Chyna (find this promo. I don’t ever recall laughing so hard at wrestling as the look on Chyna’s face is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.)

Anyway, Mankind wins, but THEN Shane returns to announce that right here and right now, we’re having a no holds barred match to determine the undisputed #1 contender for Summerslam. HBK and Shane are both referees. Mankind gets the Claw on HHH, but the Game lands a belly to back onto a chair and we get a double pin.

Note: in one of the funniest and stupidest things I’ve ever heard, during this package (pun coming), we hear every curse word I can think of that you can say on TV, yet they censor Chyna saying balls. This amazed me to no end.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. HHH

Before the match, Jesse cuts a short but great promo, talking about how the media has said that he’s a disgrace to the office for being there. He says he’s proud he was a wrestler and he’s proud to be here tonight. That is just awesome.  You have to stop and think for a second: at the time, Ventura was the governor of Minnesota. This wasn’t some American Idol guy or NBA impersonator.

This is a major politician, who was considered a dark horse candidate for the White House. Another person called a dark horse candidate in the past: President Obama. Just think about that. Imagine 4 years ago having Barack Obama refereeing the main event of Summerslam and clearly being excited about it and not just waving and looking like he’d rather pound a rusty spike into his face.

You can tell Jesse is having fun up there and wants to be there. That’s a nice thing to see. For the most part, people that are wrestlers are proud of it and it’s not just something you do and then don’t do. Oh apparently Foley is in this because HHH injured his knee with the hammer. We get the shots of the walk towards the entrance, which I’m not sure if I like or not. Nothing beats the shot of the fans when the music hits, and I don’t want to see the guys before that.

HHH was wearing some weird vest made of chain link around this time. I never got the point of that. Foley’s pop is actually very solid so you know he’s still over, which is odd as he would be retired in about 8 months. Austin’s pop is MASSIVE. Foley is very smart here, staying on the floor at first and letting Austin and HHH fight. That’s brilliant, and it’s coming from one of the craziest wrestlers of all time.

Austin and Mankind beat up HHH, so Mankind hugs him and offers a handshake. Right hands follow. It’s your standard wild brawl to start with HHH and Austin doing most of the work. Wow. Upon a bit of research, Austin is only 34 here. It’s hard to think that his career was mostly over at this point. Chyna interferes and low blows Mankind, so Jesse throws her out.

The cool thing about Ventura is that he was always a guy that wasn’t afraid of anyone, and as a Navy SEAL, you knew he was tough. He’s perfect for this and has to be the best guest ref I can think of. Mankind and HHH work together, which you’ll never hear again. This match is just kind of going with the motions so far and while it’s good, it’s not great. HHH sets for what might have been a figure four while Mankind drops a leg.

It’s Hogan and Flair vs. Austin. This partnership lasts all of 18 seconds and it ends with a Cactus clothesline before Mankind runs across the apron and flips onto HHH. Mankind is doing flippys. Maybe he does belong in TNA. HHH is working on Austin’s bad knees which makes sense. Austin and HHH go into the crowd as Foley follows. You know one day someone needs to land a piledriver on the floor.

We always get it teased but we never see it. MORE VIOLENCE BLAST IT! Foley takes a good stunner. He just falls to the side, plain and simple. HHH breaks it up with a chair, and Jesse says he won’t count it. That’s just awesome on so many levels. Shane slides in to break up the fight between HHH and Jesse. The mouth on Jesse could rival Austin’s if my lip reading is working. Jesse throws Shane over the top as I’m loving this. This is just awesome.

He says that was for your old man you little bastard. Vince vs. Jesse NEEDS to happen. Who cares if they’re both senior citizens? Correction: Jesse is….58? WOW. I would have had him pushing social security. So….wow he was in his late 40s here? That explains a lot. Late 30s as well for the Mania stuff? I’m impressed. Mankind breaks up the pin on the stunner as we’re running very low on time.

HHH gets the pedigree, but Foley breaks it up and hits the double arm on Austin to win the title and shock the world. The fans are almost dead silent for about ten seconds, then go nuts as someone not named HHH is champion. HHH is just losing it in the corner as Jesse hands Foley the title. HHH lands about ten chair shots to the legs of Austin as he can’t believe he didn’t get the belt again.

He’d win the next night on Raw, with the rumor being that he was supposed to get it here, but Austin refused to job for him. That’s never been confirmed one way or the other though, and since this was the Attitude Era, it certainly could be wrong.

Rating: B+. This just didn’t have the main event feeling to it. Jesse definitely lived up to the hype here as he was about as good as you can get for a special guest referee. The match itself was good, but the ending was out of nowhere. It wasn’t bad or anything, but this was the definition of a swerve.

NO ONE saw this coming as the stars aligned for HHH on this night it seemed. Anyway, Foley winning was a nice surprise and kind of his last hurrah, saying that he still had it before the completely underrated feud with HHH started in about 2-3 months time.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was good, but just good. The matches are good enough, the main event was a twist, the fans were happy I suppose and there were some fun moments, but there’s no big spark to make it a great show. This would have been awesome as something like Judgment Day or No Way Out, but for Summerslam, it’s just a good show.

Mild recommendation, as it’s your traditional Attitude Era stuff: if you like this era you’ll love it and if you’re not a fan you’ll be very mildly entertained but get bored at some parts. It’s ok, but just barely.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 22, 2007
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble but you might not know it by watching the previous shows. The Rumble itself has barely been mentioned as most of the focus has been on Umaga vs. John Cena for the World Title. That’s not a bad move, but it is a bit of a weird one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory Of Bam Bam Bigelow. That’s a hard one.

We open with a recap of Rated-RKO taking out some of Shawn Michaels’ friends last week but getting taken out by Shawn himself in the main event.

Here is Shawn Michaels to get things going. Last week, he felt a feeling that he has tried to overcome for years. He does not like those feelings coming back but those days of stopping are gone. Shawn feels like he can be WWE Champion again and that starts this Sunday by winning the Royal Rumble. May God have mercy on the 29 other entrants who dare to get in his way and no mortal man is going to get in his way….but here is Edge to interrupt.

Edge talks about how he is the one who is going to win the Royal Rumble because he has been to the top of the mountain twice, but Shawn tells him to shut up. The fight is on and security can’t break it up. We take a break and come back with the break still on in the back and security still not being much good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Joey Mercury

Non-title and this is Raw vs. Smackdown as Jeff wants revenge on Mercury for helping take out Matt Hardy on Friday. Johnny Nitro and Melina are here too but Jeff throws Mercury in to start in a hurry. Mercury gets in a shot so Nitro pulls the mat back on the floor. That’s enough for an ejection but Mercury is able to grab Jeff’s face and rip away. Jeff fights up with some elbows to the face into the Whisper in the Wind. The Twist of Fate drops Mercury on his damaged face to give Jeff the fast pin.

Post match Jeff gets out of there before Nitro and Melina can get back.

Jonathan Coachman comes in to see Vince McMahon and has an idea for tonight. He’ll throw Shawn Michaels and Edge out, but Vince makes a street fight instead. In addition, Vince has an announcement to make in the ring.

Here are Vince and Coach for a chat. Vince talks about reading Donald Trump’s letter last week, so tonight he is going to read his own letter to Trump. The letter talks about Trump’s TV ratings being awful, but they will go up when Vince guest stars on the Apprentice. He is the reason for Raw’s ratings success, and it could be due to his good looks, his charisma, or his Herculean physique. The people love him and he loves them back. Fans: “A**HOLE!” Vince: “You’re making it tough to love you back!”

Vince promises to show his love for the people next week but here is John Cena to interrupt. Cena wants to know when Vince became Brother Love and tells him to stop yapping about Donald Trump. It’s like Vince is obsessed with him and an obsessed Vince McMahon is never a good thing. Cena: “Remember that obsession you had with starting your own football league?” Cena compares Vince and Trump, with Coach saying Trump does everything bigger than Vince, including having more money. That’s too far for Vince, who makes Cena vs. Coach for tonight.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

Masters jumps him to start but Crazy hits a quick middle rope crossbody. Crazy gets thrown down again and the stomping is on in a hurry. Back up and Crazy slugs away, including a spinwheel kick, which has Lawler thinking Crazy is “all jacked up on Mountain Dew.” Masters catches him coming out of the corner with the Masterlock but Crazy climbs the corner and drops back onto him for the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but Crazy wins to give him a little momentum. WWE seems interested in pushing him and he hasn’t done badly at all in response. I could go for a bit more of him and the fans seem to like him well enough. Granted it isn’t hard to get cheered against Masters, so the pairing does make sense.

Coach tries to convince Vince McMahon that he is way richer than Donald Trump but Vince is more worried about showing the fans how he appreciates them next week. Oh and Coach’s match with Cena is still on.

Kenny Dykstra insists that he is going to win the Royal Rumble on Sunday. He defeated Ric Flair three times so he knows he can do it. Maria doesn’t seem convinced but Dykstra says this is going to be his year.

A very banged up Randy Orton isn’t happy with Edge for leaving him to get mauled by Shawn Michaels last week. Edge tries to explain what happened and wants to know if Orton has his back in getting rid of Shawn Michaels tonight. Orton says we’ll wait and see as you can feel the tension.

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title. Actually hang on a second as Coach has another idea: we’re going to have a Royal Rumble, and if Cena wins, THEN he can face Coach one on one. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are here first and the double teaming is on in a hurry, including a bunch of right hands. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Cena and the beating is on in the corner. Cena fights out of said corner and tosses Murdoch without much effort.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are in next, with Viscera following shortly thereafter. Cade comes back in to help hold Cena down for Viscera’s elbow. Cue Great Khali to starts clearing the ring until Viscera and Cena are the only others left. A big boot drops Viscera and Khali tosses him, allowing Cena to come in off the top with a shoulder. That has almost no effect so Khali hits a clothesline and tosses him out for the win.

Rating: D+. This was much more of an angle than a match and that’s all it needed to be. Khali is becoming a player in a hurry because he is pretty easy to push. You can probably pencil him in for a title program soon after Wrestlemania is over and I’ve heard far worse ideas. Not much of a match of course, but at least it had a point.

Post match Khali runs Cena over again and drops him with ease, allowing Coach to run in for two. Cue Umaga to jump Cena from behind and I guess that’s a DQ? Either way, Umaga splashes Cena through a table to crush his ribs. It takes a long time to get rid of Umaga and Cena has to be helped to the back.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Victoria/Melina

This is Candice’s return after Victoria broke her nose, meaning a lot of nose pointing ensues. Mickie starts fast with a basement dropkick to Melina and we get the required spank. A hurricanrana sends Melina flying out of the corner but Victoria pulls Mickie down from the apron. There’s a double wishbone to keep Mickie in trouble and Melina chokes in the ropes, sending Lawler into hysterics.

Mickie avoids Victoria’s running charge in the corner and the hot tag brings in Candice to start cleaning house. A dropkick puts Melina down but Victoria hits a heck of a knee to the face. Mickie comes in for the save and dives onto Melina, leaving Candice to hit a middle rope….uh….I guess we’ll say elbow for the pin on Victoria.

Rating: D. Yeah what else were you expecting here? This was about getting Candice out there to show off what seems to be her new cosmetic enhancements and rather limited outfit. Candice is absolutely trying but there is a bit of a way to go between effort and success. Pretty bad match, but you can almost guarantee that Candice is getting a push in a hurry.

Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito, who sends Kenny into the corner without much effort. Kenny is right back with a dropkick into a chinlock but Carlito gets to his feet and hammers away. A springboard back elbow drops Kenny but he grabs a rollup into a pinfall reversal sequence. Kenny finally grabs the trunks for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing match here with Dykstra getting a win over someone other than Ric Flair. It doesn’t make things that much better for him as all of the problems are still there, but at least they are trying with someone else. At the same time, Carlito is still about as uninteresting as you can get, which has been the case for a long time now.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. Shawn Michaels from last week in the same video that started the show.

Cryme Tyme is selling Royal Rumble numbers to Eugene and Super Crazy. Since he is crazy, Crazy will take any number. Crazy is rather pleased with his number and Eugene gets #30. Hold on though as Cryme Tyme explains that he really wants to be #1…..which he can be for another $50. Eugene leaves, and we find out that not only are the numbers not real, but Eugene isn’t even in the number. Also, they sold the painting The Scream and it wasn’t real either. Cryme Tyme leaves and it turns out that Ron Simmons bought said painting. Guess what he has to say.

Royal Rumble Rundown.

We look back at Cena being taken out. Cena may have a ruptured spleen.

We look back at Edge and Shawn Michaels brawling earlier tonight.

Shawn Michaels vs. Edge

Street fight and they’re both in street clothes. Shawn wins the early slugout and pulls Edge’s belt off for a whipping. The weapons are brought in but Edge knocks him out of the air with a trashcan lid. We take a break and come back with Edge busted open and hitting him in the ribs with something made of metal.

Edge gets creative by superplexing a ladder onto Shawn for two but a powerbomb is broken up with some right hands to the head. The comeback is on with Shawn hitting the atomic drop. A chain is wrapped around Edge’s eyes and now he is busted open as well. Shawn drops Edge onto a ladder bridged over two sets of steps but Edge gets up to catch Shawn on top.

That doesn’t make a difference either though as Shawn drops Edge ribs first onto the ladder again. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Edge reverses into something like an electric chair (Edge tried to pick him up but dropped Shawn on the way to the shoulders). The spear is countered into the Thesz press though and Shawn grabs a chair to knock Edge silly. Another Conchairto is loaded up but here is Randy Orton to hit the RKO and give Edge the pin.

Rating: B. These two getting some time in a violent match is always going to work and that was the case here. It felt like a main event and the two of them beat each other up for about fifteen minutes. The ending makes sense given what they are doing as Edge and Orton want to destroy Shawn, but Orton is going to mess with Edge on the way there if he can.

Post match Orton throws Edge over the top but here are Ric Flair, Kenny Dykstra and Carlito in a row. Shawn comes back up with some Sweet Chin Musics

Overall Rating: D+. The main event was the only worthwhile thing on this show as the Royal Rumble only needs so much of a build. Umaga injuring Cena was a good angle but other than that and the main event, there wasn’t much to see on the whole thing. It isn’t that surprising as the pay per view is set, but it would have been nice to have more than one good match in two hours.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 11, 2006
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting close to the end of the year and that means it’s time for a new year. That would be New Year’s Revolution and we are starting to see the card coming together. In this case, that means we need to move forward towards John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Umaga and whatever else is added. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada

Non-title. Before the match, Estrada says he knows no one here wants to see this match (Lawler disagrees) so we should just call it off. Estrada even offers a box of Cuban cigars to let him out of the match but Cena snaps one of them in half. Estrada: “That’s ok. Smoking’s bad!” How about Estrada’s diamond watch? JR thinks it’s out of the Uncle Elmer collection, and Cena snapping it in half might be proof. With that not working, Estrada busts out some cash and points out that we’re in a casino.

Cena takes said money and throws it into the crowd, meaning the match is still on. The destruction begins early with Cena knocking him around and easily blocking a brass knuckles shot. Estrada’s shirt is ripped open for the loud chops and Cena goes old school for the right hands to the head. The FU, with a smile, finishes in a hurry.

Post match Cena puts on the STFU but Johnny Nitro runs in for the save. Melina comes out as Nitro reminds Cena that he is training Kevin Federline for the Cena showdown on New Year’s Day.

Post break, Cena challenges Nitro for later tonight so Kevin Federline can get a preview.

Carlito/Jerry Lawler vs. Viscera/Chris Masters

This sounds like someone hit the random button on Smackdown vs. Raw. Lawler and Masters get things going with Masters hitting a quick slam. That makes Lawler think twice about things but Masters takes him into the corner for the tag off to Viscera anyway. The missed charge lets Lawler….get shoved by Masters so Viscera can hammer away against the ropes. Viscera drops the big elbow for two and we hit the chinlock, followed by the sitout chokebomb (that’s a big bump for Lawler) for two more.

Masters comes in and takes some forearms to the chest but spends too much time posing, allowing Lawler to get two off a sunset flip. It’s off to Carlito to pick up the pace, including dropkicking Masters down. Viscera cuts him off with a heck of a sidewalk slam but Lawler is back in with the right hands. The splash crushes Lawler in the corner but Carlito slips out of the Masterlock attempt and rolls Viscera up for the pin.

Rating: C-. I can’t believe it but this worked out pretty well. Lawler was working hard in there and Viscera was fine in the monster roll. Leaving Carlito and Masters out of the mix for the most part was probably a good idea, which makes things all the weirder. Lawler continues to be better at this stuff than a lot of people might expect and it worked out well here.

Cryme Tyme played the Highlanders in some Three Card Monte earlier today. The Highlanders get hustled, as you might have expected. Charlie Haas comes in (I didn’t expect that) to say this is perpetuating stereotypes so JTG says they’ll try to make this a more appropriate environment. Shelton Benjamin comes in and doesn’t seem pleased, meaning tonight, the World’s Greatest Tag Team is back. Haas: “HE SAID THE WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM IS BACK! DY-NO-MITE! FOR SHIZZLE!” Haas and Benjamin leave, with Rory saying he didn’t know Haas was black.

We look back at Kenny helping Rated-RKO win a match but get beaten down by DX after the match.

Kenny comes in to see Rated-RKO, who doesn’t like him taking credit for the win. Orton: “As quick as you can say Spirit Squad, you got superkicked and Pedigreed.” Edge tells Kenny to watch him beat HHH tonight.

Next week: a special three hour Raw, featuring a thirty man battle royal with the winner facing John Cena for the World Title the same night.

Highlanders vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas works on Rory’s arm to start but gets taken into the corner for a top rope ax handle from Robbie. An overhead belly to belly sends Robbie flying and Shelton adds a suplex of his own. There’s a slam onto Haas’ knee but Robbie manages a Russian legsweep, allowing the hot tag off to Rory. Everything breaks down and Shelton kicks Robbie outside. Shelton jumps over Haas to land on the hanging Rory’s back, setting up a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. It isn’t like there are many teams that much better than Haas and Benjamin at the moment so the match result is hardly some horrible decision. The Highlanders stopped mattering a long time ago, even after the boost from Roddy Piper. Getting Haas and Benjamin back to doing something is fine, and this worked for a return.

This Week In Wrestling History: AWA SuperClash III, with a focus on Von Erich vs. Lawler and that horrible finish. Why yes, there is an AWA DVD coming out soon.

Edge vs. HHH

No seconds here, at least to start. HHH goes straight to the brawling and takes it outside to send Edge into the announcers’ table. Back in and the jumping knee to the face sends Edge outside again, followed by an elbow to do it again. HHH follows but here’s Randy Orton for the DQ.

Post match the brawl is on until Shawn Michaels, Kenny and Ric Flair run in for the subsequent saves. Cue Coach for the six man announcement.

DX/Ric Flair vs. Rated-RKO/Kenny

We’re joined in progress with Flair chopping Kenny into the corner so HHH can come in for a delayed suplex. There’s the knee drop as Lawler gets in a South Park reference. Shawn comes in to use Kenny’s headband for a choke, because veterans can cheap and be charming. HHH adds a chop block so it’s off to Edge, who gets taken down by the leg as well. That’s enough for Orton to come in and break up the Figure Four, meaning it’s time to hammer on Flair.

The villains start taking turns on Flair, with Edge forearming him down in the corner to cut off a comeback bid. An elbow to the head gets two on Edge and the armbar goes on. With that dropped, Flair chops him out of the air and hands it off to Shawn to start picking up the pace. Shawn superkicks Edge but walks into the RKO from Orton to put them both down.

We take a break and come back with Shawn and Orton striking it out until Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker. Edge comes in but misses the high crossbody, meaning HHH can come in to really clean house. It’s quickly back to Flair for the Figure Four but everything breaks down again. Kenny tries his own Figure Four but Flair small packages him for the pin.

Rating: C+. This did what it needed to do, including letting Flair come back and get a win to put him back on the right track. There wasn’t much to the wrestling but it told a nice enough story. Also, having Kenny in there to take falls should help Edge and Orton from taking all of the falls.

Post match the good guys celebrate but Edge and Randy Orton come back in to clean house. The Conchairto is loaded up but HHH makes the save with the sledgehammer, including using it to knock a chair out of Edge’s hands in a cool visual.

Johnny Nitro and Melina are on the phone with Kevin Federline, who remind him that they are going to take care of John Cena tonight (along with reminding him of who they are). Coach comes in and says hi but Federline doesn’t know who Coach is. With that out of the way, Coach announces that Nitro is going to challenge Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title at New Year’s Revolution in a cage. Melina looks nervous here and they all walk off, leaving Ron Simmons to come in for the catchphrase while Federline is stillon the phone.

Torrie Wilson is freaked out about facing Victoria because she is on the hit list. Carlito calms her down, partially with his lips.

Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson

Torrie looks terrified and gets kicked down without much effort to start. There’s a catapult to send Torrie throat first into the bottom rope and Victoria bites off one of Torrie’s fingernails. Torrie grabs a rollup for two, earning herself the Widow’s Peak for the fast pin.

Post match Victoria checks Torrie off the list. Cue Chris Masters to hit the ring with the Masterlock on Torrie. Carlito makes the fast save and staring ensues.

Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title, Armando Alejandro Estrada isn’t here and Hardy gets shoved down in a hurry. The sunset flip is blocked but Umaga misses the sitdown splash. That lets Hardy hit a slingshot splash for two and the Whisper in the Wind sends us to a break. Back with Jeff kicking away at Umaga from the apron until Umaga pulls him down. They head back inside for the nerve hold, followed by….another nerve hold.

Hardy fights up so Umaga blasts him with a running clothesline for another knockdown. Umaga misses a top rope splash though and Hardy has a chance. The Swanton connects for two with the kickout launching Hardy. Umaga ties him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt. Back to back running hip attacks knock Hardy cold and the referee stops it.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty clever way to give Umaga a win without taking the title off of Hardy or having him get pinned. Umaga as being even more of a monster without Estrada around was a little more interesting and they are making the idea of Cena going after the monster more appealing. Nice storytelling here and it helped make the title match that much better.

Post match Umaga hits another hip attack and Samoan Spikes Hardy and the referee. So why would Estrada be at ringside for the Cena match?

John Cena vs. Johnny Nitro

Non-title and Melina is here with Nitro. Cena charges straight in and starts the fight early, including an elbow to the jaw. An even harder clothesline takes Nitro’s head off as JR is going on a rather long rant about respect. Nitro gets knocked outside as we hear about Cena being a huge wrestling fan as a kid. Lawler comments by talking about how Melina has some magnificent Muracos.

Melina pulls Nitro outside so Cena glares at her and clotheslines Nitro again. A legsweep lets Nitro put his feet on the ropes for one, followed by a dropkick to finally put Cena on the floor for a change. With Melina hitting a rather long scream, Nitro sends him into the steps for two and Melina yells even more. A neckbreaker gives Nitro two and he low bridges Cena outside to make it worse.

Back in and Cena wins the slugout, only to get poked in the eye. We hit the sleeper so Cena drops backwards for the crash break. Nitro puts it on again but Cena fights up to power out of it again. A belly to back faceplant gives Nitro two and the corkscrew moonsault connects, even if it almost wound up looking like a Swanton to the knee. Cena fights back up and initiates the finishing sequence, capped off by the FU for the pin. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C. I’m curious if that landing knocked Nitro a little silly and they went to the finish in a hurry as a result. The landing looked awful as Nitro almost landed on his own head so there wasn’t much room for error. Cena winning isn’t going to hurt Nitro, as he and Hardy can have a rather good match under any circumstances. Good enough main event here.

Overall Rating: C+. This show had the focus that they have been needing to get ready for the pay per view. Between the main event guys looking unstoppable and the other matches getting some attention of their own, I’m wanting to see the pay per view that much more. They still need to add a few more things, but we can cover that on next week’s special show. This week had its own tasks though and for once, WWE took care of them and more.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 4, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the way to New Year’s Revolution, which should be its usual riveting self. Odds are we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Umaga for the title at that show, but first Cena is heading over the Smackdown to guest star in the Armageddon main event. Throw in Ric Flair being attacked (again) and DX has another reason to want to fight Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of DX getting rid of the Spirit Squad last week with the help of Rick Flair, followed by Rated-RKO destroying Flair later in the night.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how sometimes you are not going to be the biggest or the strongest, but last week he marched to the ring to accept a challenge from an undefeated monster. Last week Umaga said something to him (with Cena mocking what he calls gibberish), which Cena thinks was Umaga promising to stand there and stare while letting his manager do everything else.

Cena has a message for Armando Alejandro Estrada: he’s ready to fight right now, and if Umaga isn’t, he’s full of Samoan….and here’s Melina to interrupt. Cena: “Umaga, you look very, very different.” Melina says she isn’t feeling very good tonight but she wanted to remind Cena of his match with Kevin Federline on January 1. Federline is being trained by Johnny Nitro and is Melina’s friend. Cena: “Boys and girls, that is the reason right there you have to practice safe sex.” Cena laughs at the idea of Nitro telling Federline to be a man and wonders if Melina is responsible for Brittney Spears being….well what she is right now.

Melina slaps him so Cena loads up the FU but Chris Masters runs in for the save. Cue Coach to say he sent Masters out here to teach Cena a lesson. Cena: “HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!” Coach says we’ll save Cena vs. Umaga for New Year’s Revolution because tonight, Cena is taking the Masterlock Challenge. If Masters wins tonight, he gets……and Cena cuts him off, mocking the boring plan for Masters getting a shot next week. That’s cool with Coach, so let’s have the Masterlock Challenge for the title TONIGHT.

The former Spirit Squad’s Kenny, in regular clothes, comes in to see Rated-RKO. He says the Spirit Squad is dead so he wants to be on their side against DX. Kenny points out that they have security waiting down the hall, but Edge asks why Kenny thinks they’re in their league. Unlike the Spirit Squad, who was put in a crate and shipped off last week, they’ve actually beaten DX.

Lilian Garcia announces that Roddy Piper has undergone surgery for Hodgkin’s lymphoma but he promises to be back fighting soon.

Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Highlanders are in Piper shirts. Rory ducks a double clothesline to start and it’s a flapjack to Murdoch. Cade gets sent into Murdoch to knock him outside and the Highlanders clear the ring in a hurry. A cheap shot from behind lets Murdoch nail a big boot to put Rory down, leaving Cade to rip open the Piper shirt. Rory gets slapped in the face but Murdoch dives into the raised boot. It’s off to Robbie as everything breaks down until Robbie grabs an O’Connor roll to pin Cade.

Rating: D+. Another short match here, though I was getting worried that they would have the Highlanders lose in their Piper tribute match. Thankfully WWE actually thought it through for a change here and that is a bit of a relief. Neither team is going anywhere at the moment and the Highlanders aren’t going to be a challenge to Rated-RKO but at least they had a one off win here.

Video on Kevin Federline vs. John Cena, which is still certainly a thing.

Victoria vs. Maria

Victoria has a hit list, containing Candice Michelle (check), Maria, Torrie Wilson and Mickie James. Victoria kicks her down to start and finishes with the fireman’s carry spun into the side slam for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Victoria checks Maria off the list and goes after her again. Cue Mickie James for the save but Victoria kicks her in the head and hits the Widow’s Peak to leave her laying.

Earlier today, Cryme Tyme went to a retirement community and sang a holiday medley (Reggie the Red-Faced Crackhead, their version of Silent Night (pimps are mentioned) and Give Us Gold (to the tune of Let It Snow)). Then they try to steal a woman named Mrs. Johnson, but the guy in charge (as played by Kerwin Silfies) says not so fast. Johnson threatens to bust a cap in him.

Jim Duggan and Super Crazy thought that was funny but Shelton Benjamin isn’t impressed. Shelton doesn’t like the reinforcement of stereotypes and that set back race relations 20 years. Super Crazy’s lack of a grasp of English sets up a match next. Shelton says that Crazy can go back to selling fruit after he loses, so Crazy swears at him.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy

Before the match, Shelton complains about the racial stereotypes again and promises to send Crazy back to Mexico with a Spanish to English dictionary. Crazy snaps off a headscissors to start but Shelton kicks him in the face. Back up and Crazy avoids the Stinger Splash but misses the moonsault (Locomotion according to JR for a great line). Shelton grabs the exploder for the pin.

Post match here’s Charlie Haas to celebrate with Shelton, who looks rather confused.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Masters

Cena is defending but it’s a Masterlock Challenge instead of a title match. They take their time getting started and Masters gets the hold on so the flailing can begin. Then Cena accidentally crushes the referee in the corner and reverses into one of his own to make Masters tap. Did he even need to tap?

Post challenge, here is Umaga for the brawl and they fight outside and then back inside until security finally keeps them apart. Hot brawl here.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.

Viscera hits on Torrie Wilson, who says she should drop Carlito for him. Carlito cuts off the offer of oils and spits the apple in his face, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

DX insists that Ric Flair will be back because what Rated-RKO did last week was unacceptable. They knew what Flair meant to DX because Flair is their personal friend. Rated-RKO took Flair out because they can’t take DX out, so now it is time for them to suffer worse than Flair ever did. HHH didn’t say anything here. It’s a good angle, but I’m trying hard to make myself care about Flair being attacked again.

This Week In Wrestling History: Chris Jericho beats the Rock and Steve Austin in one night to become Undisputed Champion. Oddly enough, not on Peacock.

Carlito vs. Viscera

Torrie is here too as Viscera shoves Carlito down to start. Viscera hammers away to start and adds a running clothesline to break up a springboard. Back up and another springboard is swatted out of the air, only to have Viscera miss a legdrop. Carlito gets knocked down again so Viscera loads up the Visagra. Torrie grabs his lead and, while trying to hold back her broken up, crawls into the corner. That’s enough of a distraction for Carlito to hit a missile dropkick (or close enough as the camera cuts can’t hide how little of it connects), followed by a Lionsault (with the leg barely grazing Viscera’s face) for the pin.

Rating: F. The problem with Viscera continues to be that there is so little that can be done with him. Carlito isn’t the one you pick to put in there with him to make something work either, and the match was pretty much a disaster as a result. It doesn’t help that it was designed to move Carlito and Torrie forward, which shouldn’t need that much effort in the first place.

Post match Torrie kisses Carlito and stays close to him due to the clothes issue (which Lawler LOVES).

Kane is still in See No Evil.

Armando Alejandro Estrada tells Cena that he (Cena) and Umaga can’t touch each other for the rest of the year. Cena grabs him by the neck as Coach comes in and says Alejandro has been talking about how he runs Raw and Coach is nothing. That is too much for Coach (even if Estrada didn’t say any of it) so he makes Cena vs. Estrada next week.

Val Venis is here with the Kiss Cam and brings two girls into the ring for the final kiss of the night. Their first kiss is a peck so the fans boo, followed by a more well received version. Cue Eugene to say he wants a kiss, though he gets a bit too aggressive in his attempts. Val gets taken down for trying to break it up, with Eugene shouting I’M SPECIAL over and over.

DX/Hardys vs. Rated-RKO/MNM

It’s a brawl to start with the villains being sent outside so HHH sends Orton onto the announcers’ table a few times. Back in and HHH chokes Orton in the corner, setting up the tag to Shawn for the chops. HHH comes back in for the right hands, including a big one to the legal Nitro. It’s off to Matt to hammer away on Nitro, followed by Jeff coming in with a top rope ax handle. Nitro gets knocked down in the corner as the fans are all over Edge.

Back from a break with Orton coming in to hammer on Jeff, followed by MNM catapulting him throat first into the rope. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop lets Edge come in for the chinlock, setting up Orton’s knee drop for two. Jeff fights up and, despite slipping, hits the Whisper in the Wind to take out MNM. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple dive from Shawn and the Hardys. The spinebuster hits Orton but here is Kenny with a chair to Shawn’s head. HHH takes Kenny into the crowd, leaving Edge to spear Matt for the pin.

Rating: C+. They flew through this but it did what it was supposed to do by getting everyone in there at once. Kenny at least did something, though he does not exactly scream being the next big thing. It was a fine way out of something like though, as DX isn’t going to do a job in a fairly meaningless eight man tag.

Post match Kenny gets superkicked into the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but another Ric Flair Is Broken story and some rather awful/worthless matches in the middle of the show hurt it a lot. Cena vs. Umaga has a lot of potential though and that should be enough to carry us through the next pay per view. We are already at the point where you can guess the pay per card, but there are enough issues to possible result in one final shakeup.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 13, 2006
Location: Manchester Evening News Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 15,266
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on one of the foreign excursion shows as Raw is over in England on the way to Survivor Series. Some of the Survivor Series matches have already been set and that should make for a few different paths while the show is on vacation. Now just get us there in a few interesting pieces. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s DX to get things going, complete with an announcement of their Survivor Series elimination match with Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO during their entrance. HHH says they have been around the UK and now he wants to hear the loudest crowd yet. After asking for some silence, he asks if we’re ready and gets the reaction he wants. With that out of the way….he doesn’t really have anything else funny to say (by his own admission) so we hit the catchphrase.

Shawn gets in his own catchphrase and now it’s time to get to business: the people they have embarrassed with the help of Big Dick Johnson. The latest is Eric Bischoff, and yes we have a clip from last week. Shawn wants to see it again in slow motion, meaning the jiggling is even stronger this time. After hearing that Shawn threw up in his mouth a bit, HHH is ready to move on to Edge and Randy Orton but here is Coach instead.

Coach makes some threats and Shawn thinks that he might BAN THEM FROM THE BUILDING AGAIN. Which worked so well last week you see. Actually no, because Coach has issued a bounty of 5,200 pounds, or about $10,000, on DX. HHH: “YOU CHEAP BAST***!” HHH can’t believe that they are only worth five grand each. Coach needs a bake sale or a lemonade stand or something. Actually there are some people wanting to claim the bounty right now.

D-Generation X vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas/Trevor Murdoch/Lance Cade

Joined in progress with Shawn, in street clothes like HHH, reversing Cade into the corner to chop away. Murdoch comes in for a big boot but Shawn manages to take him down as well. It’s off to Viscera for a swinging Boss Man Slam to set up the gyrations, followed by the tag off to Haas. Shawn gets taken down again and Cade slaps on the neck crank to keep him down. That would be down for a few seconds as Shawn fights up with an enziguri. The hot tag brings in HHH to clean house as everything breaks down. Sweet Chin Music knocks Viscera off the apron and down onto Cade and Murdoch. The Pedigree finishes Haas.

Rating: D+. Another quick and dominant performance from DX, which might be a bit more interesting if we haven’t seen the same thing over and over for months. The team is still needing top stars to face and while Rated-RKO fits the bill, they can only do that so often. That leaves us with some pretty lame matches in these spots, but getting DX out there for the live crowd makes sense.

Post break, Kenny tells the Spirit Squad to cash in on the bounty. DX pops in and beats them up while talking about how annoying the bounty can be. This was funny.

Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders

Robbie headbutts Johnny down to start and it’s off to Rory for two off a high crossbody. Kenny comes in and launches Johnny at Rory to take over. Rory fights out of a chinlock and gets over for the hot tag to Robbie. House is cleaned but the Scot Drop is broken up, allowing Kenny to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Pretty boring match here and that isn’t the biggest surprise. The tag division means nothing around here and the titles are back to being on another special team who isn’t likely to have them very long. I’m not sure who can take the titles next, and I can’t exactly say I’m surprised by that at all. You get used to it over the years.

Post match Kenny takes the full credit for the win.

We look at Chris Masters facing Jerry Lawler last week, despite Lawler being handcuffed to the top rope.

Wrestlemania tickets went on sale last week.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge with Jerry Lawler as this week’s…..contestant? Participant? Actually it is victim, as Masters takes his time but eventually puts it on, shrugs off Lawler’s elbows to the face (you would think someone would have tried that already) and wins. This was just about every Masterlock Challenge so far.

DX is having some food when Eugene comes in to see them about the bounty. HHH gives him some paper towels and shuts the door but that’s not what Eugene means. Eugene charges in and hits the table of food, with DX leaving him as Shawn worries about weighing too much from all the popcorn.

Lita is ready to beat Mickie James tonight and at Survivor Series because she is the best of all time.

DX is in the bathroom and HHH needs Shawn to leave. Chris Masters jumps him in the stall and we get something out of Austin Powers.

Todd Grisham replaces Lawler on commentary.

Umaga vs. John Cena

Non-title. Cena slugs away to start and avoids a charge, setting up the bulldog. Umaga pops up and runs him over though, setting up the Samoan drop. We hit the nerve hold but Cena fights up with the shoulders. That’s enough to tie Umaga in the ropes….and here’s Big Show to run in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was energetic which it lasted but it isn’t like they had time to go anywhere. It wasn’t meant to be some kind of a full match so this is about as good as it could have been. Umaga continues to rise up the ranks and they have planted the seeds for a showdown with Cena down the line, which should work out quite well for both of them. Big Show is here too and….yeah that’s about all he has going for him at the moment.

Post match the big beatdown is on and Cena is left laying after both finishers.

DX comes in to see Coach because they’re stressed over the whole night. We see a montage of the night, set to the Benny Hill theme. That’s enough for DX, because they are heading out. HHH asks if that counts as them getting the $10,000, which is of course a no, but Shawn steals it anyway.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending, and in what might not be a good sign, Hardy’s entrance is cut out of the Peacock version (though maybe it is due to a recap sponsored by a movie). Hardy shoulders him down for two and they fight over a top wristlock. Nitro gets the better of things but Hardy sends him outside, followed by the right hands to the head back inside. The threat of a Swanton sends Nitro outside and there’s a slingshot dropkick through the ropes to put him down again.

We take a break and come back with Nitro’s springboard kick to the face getting two. Nitro takes him down for some more near falls and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. Hardy fights up and crotches him on top, with JR making various jokes about Melina’s evening plans. The Whisper in the Wind misses so Nitro grabs a sitout belly to back faceplant for two more.

Nitro goes up but dives into a sitout powerbomb, setting up the Swanton. Melina offers a quick distraction like she is supposed to do, allowing Nitro to come back with a neckbreaker. A corkscrew moonsault gives Nitro two….but Hardy reverses into a crucifix for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. These two work well together and I’m kind of getting into these rapid fire title changes. They are making it feel like they have an important feud here and that is something that has been missing from the title picture for a little while. The match wasn’t great, but they kept the energy going and I’m curious to see where it goes.

Post match Nitro knocks Hardy down again and pulls out a ladder to crush him again.

DX wants to go back inside and mess with things but the show is sold out. They do however find a couple of scalpers….in the form of Cryme Tyme. HHH has no idea what they’re saying, but Shawn channels Ms. Nanny from the Muppet Babies by speaking jive (with HHH being completely lost) to get the tickets they need. HHH: “For shizzle!” Cryme Tyme: “……..ok?”

Carlito discovers the Daily Star girls (who don’t wear much in the papers) and here’s Torrie Wilson with two of the Daily Star girls in person. They’re going out tonight and Torrie offers him the chance to crash with her. Carlito: “THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!”

We look back at Cena being beaten down.

Survivor Series rundown, including Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker in a first blood match.

DX is giving away shirts (and has a large sausage) in the back. They head into the arena with more shirts and toss them to the crowd, with HHH throwing them one to a rather pretty brunette. I’d guess she’s about 15 here, meaning it would be about eight and a half years before I married her.

Post break, DX is now in the front row.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Non-title but hang on because she has a special rule: Mickie has to wrestle with her legs shackled together. Coach brings out the shackles, which he just happened to have lying around. Mickie says that’s cool but Lita is the one who needs her legs tied together. Lita takes her down without much trouble and hammers away, followed by the stomping. DX starts doing various chants that I don’t understand so Lita goes over to yell.

HHH hands her the sausage (hush) and sprays mustard in her face (I repeat my hush), allowing Mickie to hit her in the face with the sausage. The MickieDT is good for the pin, with Grisham suggesting that Lita knows about being hit in the face with a sausage. Gee they seem to be being especially mean to her lately.

Rated-RKO comes out with Coach and DX is ejected by a bunch of security (one of whom is better known as Sheamus).

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. Ric Flair/Roddy Piper

Flair and Piper are defending but Piper gets jumped before the match, setting up the Conchairto on the floor. That leaves Flair on his own and you know he’s fine with that. Edge takes him down to start and the beatdown is on in a hurry. Orton comes in to hammer away as we have a WOO sign held up by about twenty fans. They head outside with Orton hammering away against the barricade and Edge grabs a chinlock back inside. Flair gets in a low blow and strikes away but Edge spears him down to break up the Figure Four for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was an angle instead of a match for the most part, though it isn’t a surprise that Flair and Piper lost the titles. The worst part here was that Piper was not wrestling as he was sent home from the tour early due to being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which was only found due to him working for WWE after the fans voted him in at Cyber Sunday. I can’t imagine they would have kept the titles much longer, but it would have been a bit better under almost any other circumstances.

Post match DX runs in for the beatdown, including taking down security, with Sheamus taking the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it was certainly an eventful show and the DX bounty story worked fine as a one off story. Rated-RKO winning something helps them a bit and having stars that big winning the titles should give them a bit of a boost. Outside of Cryme Tyme, it isn’t like there is a regular team worth getting the belts (and they don’t really need them) so this was about as good of a move as they had. Not the best show, but quite a few things happened here, which can make for a good show.

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Cyber Sunday 2006
Date: November 5, 2006
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the interactive show as we have the fans picking a lot of the specifics about the card. This can range from stipulations to titles on the line to participants, though hopefully we don’t have more of the two joke options and one real one. The main event is the Champion of Champions match, which certainly sounds big. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how the fans have the power and runs down the major matches/fan choices.

The huge computer setup with the keyboard stage looks awesome.

Umaga vs. ???

Kane – 49%

The Sandman – 28%

Chris Benoit – 23%

There’s something surprising about Benoit finishing last, though Kane has been feuding with Umaga and Sandman at least got a promo about the match. Umaga has Armando Alejandro Estrada with him. The slugout is on to start with Kane knocking him into the corner and choking away. Kane charges into a belly to belly suplex though and earns himself a kick to the chest for trying the sit up. The spinwheel kick drops Kane again and there’s a facebuster to cut off the comeback attempt.

Umaga hits a pretty far middle rope headbutt for two and they head outside, where the Samoan Spike only hits the post. Back in and some running clotheslines rock Umaga, who is right back with the Samoan drop. Kane sits up again and avoids a splash in the corner, setting up a belly to back suplex. It’s time to go up but Umaga knocks him out of the air, setting up a jumping Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a bad power brawl here and that is all it needed to be. Let them go out there and have a fun match, which worked out rather well because they’re both good at this kind of thing. Kane is going to be fine despite losing every single match in the feud because he is long established in his spot. Umaga is rolling though and there aren’t many spots left for him before going to the main event.

Queen Sharmell talks to Big Show and suggests a King Booker/Show alliance. Show says she may be beautiful, but offers to put that shiny scepter somewhere.

Cryme Tyme vs. Charlie Haas/Viscera vs. Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Texas Tornado – 50%

Tag Team Turmoil – 35%

Fatal Four Way – 15%

I don’t think this was mentioned on TV, or at least not mentioned extensively. The brawl is on in a hurry with Cade and Murdoch and the Highlanders fighting out to the floor. Haas gets low bridged out to the floor but Viscera’s elbow misses JTG. A middle rope splash gets two with Cade making the save.

The Highlanders come in and clear the ring before everyone heads out to the floor. JTG is back in with a dropkick to Haas and Shad slugs away on Viscera. That earns Shad a swinging Boss Man Slam, leaving the Highlanders to slug it out with Cade and Murdoch. Robbie gets dropped with a High/Low but Shad takes out Cade and JTG steals the pin.

Rating: C-. This was short but energetic as Cryme Tyme gets another win to keep their momentum going. That is such a lost art these days and it is nice to see Cryme Tyme getting a push. They might not be the greatest or most polished team in the world, but they are getting more and more popular while establishing themselves as a good team. It still really can be that simple.

Post match Cryme Tyme steals Lawler’s laptop. Lawler: “IT’S NOT EVEN PAID FOR YET!”

Shawn Michaels is messing with a laptop when HHH comes in to say stop worrying about the guest referee. They already shoved Vince’s head into Big Show’s tights and spray painted Coach, so that leaves Eric Bischoff as the one person they haven’t done something horrible to yet. Controversy does create case….but Shawn isn’t the controversial anymore. Shawn: “I’M THE ONE WHO PUT BRET HART IN THE SHARPSHOOTER YOU KNOW” And HHH married…..what’s her name!

Shawn sees a backstage worker named Stan (hi Shawn Spears) and superkicks him, saying he just kicked STAN. Shawn goes running down the hall, ranting about controversy and superkicking everyone he finds. HHH thinks it’s funny, and he’s absolutely right, as this is one of my all time favorite backstage segments. Shawn might not be the funniest guy ever, but he found a style that worked for him and played it very well, including the bizarre visual of him running around superkicking strangers. I throw this on when I need a laugh and it still holds up.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. ???

Carlito – 62%

Shelton Benjamin – 25%

Johnny Nitro – 13%

Well that’s a landslide. They trade knockdowns to start until Carlito dropkicks the knee out. A suplex gives Carlito two but Hardy hits a running dropkick to put him down as well. Carlito takes a breather on the floor and There’s the running dropkick through the ropes. Hardy’s run the barricade clothesline is dropkicked out of the air so they head back inside, where Hardy fights out of a chinlock.

The slingshot dropkick in the corner is blocked as well so Carlito slaps on a waistlock. Hardy grabs a rope but Carlito is right back with a double legdrop to the ribs. We hit the waistlock again as commentary says this is our third interactive pay per view, without actually mentioning Taboo Tuesday of course. A backbreaker gets two more on Hardy and the sleeper (Carlito: “GO TO SLEEP!”) goes on.

That’s broken up and Hardy hits something like a tornado DDT for two as Lawler won’t shut up about Hardy’s hair color. A sitout gordbuster drops Carlito again but he’s fine enough to get the knees up and block the Swanton. Carlito’s springboard elbow gets two so Hardy runs the corner for the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy goes up top where Carlito catches him, only to get shoved back for a crash. The Swanton retains the title.

Rating: B-. This started slowly but then turned into a rather fun back and forth match as they played a game of trying to top the other. Hardy didn’t so much win as much as hitting the last big move, which means we are likely to see more from Hardy vs. Carlito. I’m not sure how well Carlito’s face run is going, but he was in a pretty good one here..

We recap Edge/Randy Orton vs. DX. Edge and Orton were tired of DX dominating WWE and wanted revenge on them for apparently causing all of Edge and Orton’s problems. This needs a special guest referee though and Vince McMahon is an option.

D-Generation X vs. Edge/Randy Orton

Eric Bischoff – 60%

Jonathan Coachman – 20%

Vince McMahon – 20%

That’s a very surprising result as it’s weird to see McMahon on anything without winning. At least it’s something a little more fresh though. Before the match, DX spends a good amount of time playing to the crowd for some alternating cheers. Shawn finally gets in his catchphrase, because the fans shouting it first. JR officially dubs the team Rated RKO, which really was about as good of a name as you were getting.

Edge punches Shawn in the face a few times to start but gets knocked into the corner for a right hand from HHH. A rollup lets Shawn pull Edge’s tights down and then chops away (JR: “Shawn taking Edge out of his boots after he takes Edge out of his tights!”). The armbar doesn’t last long as it’s already off to HHH to hammer away on Edge’s jaw. Orton comes in and stomps away in the corner but HHH snaps off a suplex. There’s the knee drop for two and more pummeling ensues until Orton is knocked over for a tag to Edge.

This time it’s HHH getting hammered down in the corner with Orton coming in to do more of the same. A quick DDT gets HHH out of trouble so it’s back to Shawn to pick up the pace. Orton is sent outside and Edge is slammed down, setting up the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Orton sweeps the leg and crotches him against the post. Some knee drops give Orton two and Edge comes back in for some stomping.

Commentary agrees that Bischoff has been fine so far as Edge hits a dropkick into a front facelock. Shawn fights up but gets his head taken off with a big boot for two more. Orton hits a dropkick for two and we hit the required chinlock. Another comeback is cut off by Orton’s backbreaker but Edge’s spear hits Bischoff. Shawn enziguris Edge down and the hot tag brings in HHH to clean house. The spear hits HHH and Edge throws in the crotch chop so Shawn crossbodies Edge out to the floor.

The RKO takes HHH down again and another referee comes in for two. Another RKO is shoved into Sweet Chin Music but Bischoff pulls the other referee out. Edge chairs Shawn down and another chair shot breaks up the Pedigree attempt (with Bischoff watching). The RKO onto the chair finishes HHH.

Rating: B. Yeah believe it or not, these four were able to have a good match. The shenanigans at the end were fine enough and HHH did do the job, despite kicking out of a spear and RKO in less than thirty seconds. Above all else, DX losing is the right thing because they were basically unbeatable for their entire reunion. They have needed someone to put them in check and if Rated RKO can do that then we might be able to get another dimension to the whole thing.

Video on the Marine.

Edge and Orton don’t want to hear about the chair and promise a new era in WWE. That era will be Rated RKO.

Lumberjack Match – 46%

No Disqualification – 40%

Submission Match – 14%

For the vacant title, though the rest of the women being in the ring before the match kind of spoiled things. Mickie is sent outside in a hurry but comes back in to throw Lita outside as well. JR mentions a possible wardrobe malfunction and Lawler is instantly more interested in the match. Back in and Lita hits a shoulder block but Mickie grabs the leg to cut her off. Lita tries to go to the apron but gets shoved back in as the women are near a brawl at ringside.

Lita snaps off a suplex for two but Mickie sends her face first into the buckle. Some choking takes Mickie down again though and the sleeper goes on. That’s reversed into a quickly broken Fujiwara armbar to mess up Lita’s elbow, allowing Mickie to hit some elbows to the face. The hurricanrana out of the corner is broken up and they both crash out to the floor. Back in and Mickie tries a tornado DDT….which lands in the corner. I’m not sure if that was a planned spot which looked bad or a botch but either way, egads. One of the women distracts Mickie though and a DDT gives Lita the title back.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but putting the title on Lita makes sense here. She is by far the biggest star the division has, even if she is not exactly the same as when she became a star in the first place. Mickie is going to be fine and is probably the future of the division. At least they had an out for her with the distraction, but it still wasn’t much of a match.

Kenny gives the Spirit Squad a pep talk, but has to explain why he is the leader. Apparently it’s because he beat Ric Flair, which is code for he’s the only one who has been treated as anything competent.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Ric Flair/??? vs. Spirit Squad

Roddy Piper – 46%

Dusty Rhodes – 35%

Sgt. Slaughter – 19%

Flair and Piper, who disturbingly takes his shirt off, are challenging. Rhodes and Slaughter come out to even things up and it’s Kenny starting with Flair. That means a headlock takeover and some WOOing but Kenny is right back up with a dropkick. Piper comes in to hammer away on and bite Mikey but he has to deal with the rest of the Squad. Mikey gets in a splash in the corner and hammers away on Piper with the rapid fire forearms to the back.

Kenny comes back in for a chinlock into a sleeper, before being smart and pulling Piper back into the corner. A slam looks to set up Mikey’s middle rope splash off of Kenny’s shoulders, which only hits mat. The hot tag brings in Flair for the assorted chops and a double clothesline puts Kenny on the floor. The Figure Four has Mikey in trouble but Kenny makes the save. Flair gets bored of dealing with Mikey though and pulls him down into the Figure Four for the win.

Rating: D+. I know Flair was old here but he was miles ahead of Piper, who not only looked horrible but could barely do anything. I can go with the old guys winning here though because it’s not like there is any team ready to take the titles, save for maybe Cryme Tyme. The Squad has been mostly done for a long time now though and it was long past time for them to drop the titles.

Post match the celebration is on. One thing you’ll notice about the legends: they treat winning titles like the biggest thing in the world. Learn from that.

We recap the main event, which is all three champions fighting at once.

We need a title to be defended.

Smackdown World Title – 67%

ECW World Title – 21%

Raw World Title – 12%

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Big Show vs. John Cena

Booker, with Sharmell, is defending and earns a right hand to the face for another proposed alliance. Show runs Cena over and whips him hard into the corner. A headbutt sends Cena outside so Booker finally comes in to kick Show into the corner. Show isn’t having any of that and chops away in the corner. Cena finally comes back in and the double teaming finally puts Show on the floor.

That leaves Cena to slug it out with Booker and the release fisherman’s suplex gets two, with Show pulling Cena to the floor. Show picks up the steps so Cena dropkicks the knee out to send Show face first into said steps. Back in and the Book End gives Booker two on Cena and the slugout is on again. A hot shot into a superkick gets two on Cena but he is right back with a belly to belly for two.

We get a bit of an awkward exchange until Booker takes him down into a chinlock. Cena powers out again and plants Booker for two as things slow down a bit. A splash of all things hits Booker’s knees and he grabs a DDT for two. The STF sends Booker to the ropes so Cena hits a clothesline into a suplex as we plug the Marine a bit. Booker gets crotched on top but Show is back with an electric chair to Cena, so Booker missile dropkicks Show in a smart move.

Show reverses a double suplex to put both of them down again and a double shoulder sends them flying as well. There’s the chokeslam to Booker and another shoulder puts Cena on the floor. Show loads up the announcers’ table but Cena posts him. Cena initiates the finishing sequence on Booker, chairs Show, FU’s an invading Sharmell, and grabs the STFU on Booker. Cue Kevin Federline to break it up with a chair though, allowing Booker to Cena with a belt shot to retain.

Rating: C-. I don’t think anyone was realistically expecting a title change here and there is nothing wrong with that most of the time. The Federline interference might not be the most popular ending but at least it is something they have set up in recent weeks and it gave them an out here. The Booker vs. Cena section was really awkward, but other than that it was a watchable enough match, even if it was a lot of waiting around until the obvious winner.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the most “this was a show” shows I can remember for a long time. The wrestling was ok enough but the gimmick worked out fine, with some actual options for just about every match. It’s a gimmick show and the idea worked out well enough, but it isn’t a show I’m going to remember watching in a matter of hours, let alone any long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 30, 2006
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday and that puts this show in a weird spot. There are some matches set, but there are also some matches which will not be set up until Sunday. I’m not sure how that is going to go, but it is going to make for a bit of a strange final push towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Edge and Randy Orton in the ring for the Cutting Edge to get things going. After mentioning that it is his birthday, Edge throws us to a clip of Orton beating HHH last week. That was a great moment but it is going to get even better on Sunday when they beat DX in a tag match. The match will feature a special referee so here are all three options: Eric Bischoff, Jonathan Coachman and Vince McMahon.

We get some sales pitches from each, with Bischoff saying that Controversy Creates Cash, which will be proven in his book, which will be released this week. Bischoff talks about the controversies he has created over the years and promises to show us what controversy is on Sunday. Coach talks about the lack of respect he has seen and doesn’t have much to say. Vince wraps it up by saying that we need a guest referee tonight, and since Shawn Michaels isn’t here, we’ll have Orton vs. HHH with Edge as guest referee.

With that out of the way, Vince needs to be worried about the possibility that we will have no WWE Champion next week. Coach thought John Cena should have the night off tonight, but Vince thinks Cena should be in action. But who should he face? We’ll have the fans decide with a text poll, with the options of Big Show, King Booker or Coach himself. Coach’s gulp seems rather pronounced.

Back from a break with another voting explanation.

Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Melina is here with Nitro. These are Jeff Hardy’s three potential challengers for the Intercontinental Title so champion Jeff Hardy comes out to watch. Carlito gets double teamed to start and then tossed outside, leaving Nitro to spin around Benjamin into a Russian legsweep for two. Carlito is back in to hammer on Nitro but Shelton springboards in with a bulldog to put Carlito down. Nitro dropkicks Shelton out of the corner, only to have Carlito throw him outside and hit a Backstabber to finish Shelton in a hurry.

John Cena isn’t worried about Cyber Sunday, but he is worried about Kevin Federline’s album coming out, because it’s the bomb. As in the kind of thing that we should drop on our enemies to get them to surrender. Cena asks Todd Grisham who he is voting for on Sunday but Grisham says he hasn’t voted. He saw Todd texting someone, which Todd says was his girlfriend. Cena: “YOU LIKE DUDES!”

Cena yells at Todd, demanding to know that he say who he voted for. Grisham: “I VOTED FOR KING BOOKER AND I HOPE HE BEATS YOU TONIGHT!!!” Now that’s all Cena wants, and now he is going to walk down that aisle like he is Frankenstein on PCP because you are looking down the barrel of a gun. Those are some very different metaphors.

Torrie Wilson comes up to Carlito in the back and they awkwardly agree to go out after the show.

Women’s Title Tournament Semifinals: Maria vs. Lita

Mickie James is on commentary and Lawler says that Lita is rated E for Everyone. They trade small packages to start, followed by Lita stomping away in the corner. Maria hits a bulldog out of the corner into a Bronco Buster (Maria knows Lawler likes that) but Lita rakes the eyes. A DDT finishes Maria off in a hurry.

Lita points at Maria after the match.

The Marine is still a thing.

Randy Orton vs. HHH

Edge is guest referee. Before the match, HHH asks if you’re ready….and then Pedigrees Edge. HHH: “I guess he wasn’t ready!” Back from a break with a regular referee and Orton has to bail from an early Pedigree attempt. HHH sends him over the announcers’ table but Orton hammers away back inside. A chop block cuts Orton down (remember he tweaked his knee two weeks ago) but it’s too early for the Figure Four, with HHH kicking him into the post. The backbreaker sets up the Orton Stomp and we hit the chinlock. HHH fights up and hits the facebuster but here’s Edge for the spear and DQ.

Rating: C. The ending made sense as there was no reason for a single Pedigree to keep Edge out that long. If nothing else, I’m glad they got in and out a lot faster this time as we have seen the match twice in the last two weeks before this one. It isn’t like the matches have been great in the first place so keeping it short here was nice.

Post match the beatdown is on, including some chair shots. An RKO onto the chair is broken up and Edge hits the spear…which sends HHH outside to find the sledgehammer and clean house. So HHH just had a match with a former World Champion, got beaten down by two World Champions with chairs, and then shrugged off a finisher to clean house on hiss own with the sledgehammer? And I’m supposed to pay to see the pay per view tag match?

Eugene/Jim Duggan vs. Umaga

Eugene is terrified after last week so it’s Duggan slugging away to start. That’s broken up it’s a middle rope headbutt into the Samoa Spike to finish Duggan in a hurry while Eugene hides at ringside.

Coach tells Eric Bischoff that he is going to beat down the next person to walk through that door. It’s Ron Simmons, so Coach runs off before the catchphrase.

Ric Flair is ready to win the Tag Team Titles on Sunday and you can pick his partner. The options are Sgt. Slaughter, Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes. Each one gets to give their reasons and each one is rather fired up about the possibility. Slaughter says he orders us to vote for him, Piper says he refuses to lose and Dusty says it is about respect.

Cryme Tyme is interviewed…..and steal the monitor.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas

JTG slugs away on Haas to start but charges into an elbow in the corner. A butterfly suplex drops JTG again and Viscera drops a legdrop for two. The bearhug keeps JTG in trouble but a missed charge in the corner allows the hot tag to Shad. Everything breaks down as Shad cleans house and Viscera’s accidental distraction lets the G9 connect for the pin on Haas. JR: “It was just a misdemeanor!”

Rating: D+. I don’t remember Cryme Tyme being this good in the ring, though it isn’t that surprising given that they were both OVW guys. This was another nice win for them and even though it might be some time before they go anywhere, it is great to see a team being regularly featured so they can be built up a bit. Why that is so complicated is beyond me, as it has worked for a few weeks now.

Cryme Tyme celebrates and steal Lawler’s watch for a bonus.

HHH doesn’t care who the guest referee is because you saw how he deals with them. No matter how big Edge and Orton bring it, he’ll bring it bigger. Right.

Coach can’t decide who to vote for when Booker and Show come in and argue over who should fight Cena tonight. They agree it should be Coach, much to his chagrin.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and all three options are here. Coach wins (with 74% of the vote) but the other two stick around. Cena chases Coach to cut off his escape attempt but Booker and Show beat him down. Back in and Coach gets two, setting up some choking. Cena shrugs off the chokes and initiates the finishing sequence for the fast pin.

JR and Lawler remind us to vote to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not much of a show this week with some mostly bad matches and a lot of stuff that felt like a rushed build for Sunday. The other problem is this show being centered around a preview of the voting deal, which wasn’t exactly thrilling stuff. The pay per view should be fine, but it’s not like this was anything inspiring. It wasn’t the worst show, but Cyber Sunday isn’t quite inspiring at the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 2, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for a big title match as Raw doesn’t have a pay per view in October. This time around it is going to be the grand finale (for now at least) between Edge and John Cena as Edge is challenging for the Raw World Title inside a cage. Other than that, we are going to be seeing more of DX vs. the McMahons, or at least Jonathan Coachman acting as their surrogate. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is DX to open things up, including a look at the McMahons being destroyed in the Cell during their entrance. HHH hits the catchphrases and shows us a shot of Vince McMahon’s face being put into Big Show’s…..uh, yeah. Before Shawn can tell you what you can do if you’re not down with that, here’s Jonathan Coachman to interrupt. On behalf of the McMahons, it’s time for a Texas Tornado match. Why does it always have to be a Texas tornado match? Why not a Kansas Kollision? Or a Wichita Whirlwind if you want to keep up the theme?

D-Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Charlie Haas/Viscera vs. Highlanders

DX cleans house to start but get caught in the corner by the numbers advantage. Viscera’s big splash hits Haas though and DX hammers away at the monster. A double shoulder takes him down and it’s a facebuster/atomic drop to put Murdoch on the floor. There’s a double DDT to Viscera and Shawn drops the top rope elbow on Haas. The superkick into the Pedigree puts Haas away in a hurry.

Post match Coach freaks out and says we aren’t done tonight because he runs this show. HHH says maybe DX should and chases Coach to the back because they’re in charge tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Jeff starts fast with something close to a Sling Blade and drops the leg between the legs. That’s enough to send Nitro bailing to the floor and Hardy hits a dive off the apron. We come back from a break with Nitro holding a reverse chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back.

Melina screams a lot as Hardy is sent into the post, setting up a backbreaker for two. Nitro cranks on both arms but Hardy pulls himself up and kicks Nitro away for a break. A few more shots to the face put Nitro on the floor with Hardy being right there to dropkick Nitro in the face. The barricade run into the dive takes out Nitro and Melina (for the required ankle injury) and it’s the Swanton to give Hardy the title.

Rating: C+. Not too bad here and it was nice to see Hardy actually get the big win here instead of having him come up short again. Nitro has gotten a nice boost out of the title and should be fine going forward. A rematch wouldn’t surprise me either, especially with Cyber Sunday on the way soon. Hardy winning the title still feels like an important deal and that is how a title change should come across.

We look at Edge cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase to take the World Title from John Cena for the first time.

DX is outside of Coach’s office but he won’t let them in. Jokes about what Coach is doing in there (it could put his eye out) abound.

Jeff Hardy is happy to win the title, with the interview turning into an ad for Maria appearing on ECW’s Extreme Strip Poker next week. Melina comes in to screech so Jeff puts his hand over her mouth.

Coach is on the phone with Vince McMahon, who tells Coach to do….something. That sends Coach outside into the hallway where he can’t find DX. He walks a little ways but eventually runs into HHH, with Shawn popping up on the other side. We get the Good, The Bad And The Ugly knockoff music until DX throws Coach into the women’s locker room.

HHH is rather pleased as they go in, with Shawn closing his eyes. The women tell Shawn where Coach went so he gives pursuit while HHH stops to flirt with Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly and Mickie James. Shawn pulls him back and the chase continues until Coach finds Big Dick Johnson. Then he slips on a wet floor, allowing DX to chase him outside. DX throws him in a trashcan, with a janitor throwing trash on top of him and wheeling it away.

Here’s how John Cena got the title back from Edge at the Royal Rumble.

DX comes up to the Spirit Squad and tells them that there is a new dress code around here (in a Johnny Ace impression). The Squad protests but the power of the sledgehammer makes them change their minds.

Umaga vs. Snitsky

Umaga, who is facing Kane in a Loser Leaves Raw match next week, hits a pop up Samoan drop, the running hip attack in the corner, and the Samoan Spike for the fast pin.

Randy Orton is sick of hearing about Carlito so it’s time for an RKO.

The Marine has action scenes.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

Orton starts fast and knocks Carlito outside, followed by a whip into the post back inside. Carlito’s legs are fine enough to snap off a hurricanrana but Orton pulls him down by the arm again. That’s broken up so Carlito slugs away and hits the springboard back elbow. A springboard flip dive into a Lionsault gets two but Orton sends him to the apron. Carlito springboards in with a high crossbody but Orton rolls through and grabs the trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Carlito continues to be just there and I don’t particularly care to see him do anything here. He’s not someone I want to cheer for or want to see get his revenge on Orton, because there is nothing to Orton. All he does is make spitting jokes and used to date Trish. Is there anything else to him other than that?

We look at Rob Van Dam winning the Raw World Title from John Cena at One Night Stand, with an assist from Edge.

The Spirit Squad needs more time to change and refuse to come out, so DX threatens to strip them of the Tag Team Titles. HHH then describes them as “gay”.

Cryme Tyme steals a doughnut from a police office and run away.

Nicky vs. Sgt. Slaughter

The Squad are here as cheerleaders in some rather revealing uniforms (Which don’t cover their underwear. I’ll spare you the question of why DX had those.). Nicky misses a right hand, meaning he has to go to the ropes to get out of the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter gets two off a gutbuster but gets sent outside for the group beatdown. Back in and the USA chant goes on, only to be cut off by Nicky’s sleeper. Another Cobra Clutch is broken up and Nicky slaps on the armbar. Cue DX on screen to say that Nicky forgot his (female) underwear, allowing Slaughter to grab the rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was little more than a way to have the Squad get embarrassed by DX and that worked out well enough. It’s not like the Squad has any real capital to lose at this point so having someone like Slaughter, especially under these circumstances, beat him makes any difference. Just get the titles off of them already though because the joke of them losing is getting old.

Here’s how Edge won the title from John Cena and Rob Van Dam on Raw in July.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Victoria vs. Mickie James

DX orders them to wear lingerie, which is….pretty much about the same as they usually wear. Victoria hammers away in the corner to start and fires off some knees to the ribs. Mickie’s hurricanrana out of the corner is blocked without much effort but Victoria’s Boston crab is escaped as well. Victoria sends her to the apron so Mickie tries a sunset flip, with Victoria grabbing the ropes for the block. The referee breaks that up so it’s a sunset flip to give Mickie the pin.

Post match, Victoria freaks out.

Commercial for Eric Bischoff’s Controversy Creates Cash book, focusing on him firing people.

Chris Masters is asking Bischoff about the book when DX comes in. Bischoff calls them an NWO rip off, which Shawn deems BLASPHEMY. That’s enough to send Bischoff running, so HHH asks Masters when he’s going to write a book. Masters has been thinking of writing a nutrition book, and HHH even has the title: “How To Lose 50lbs In Four Weeks”. Masters leaves in a hurry. Shawn is still worried about being an NWO rip off but HHH says he who laughs last laughs best. Then they laugh.

Then John Cena won the title back from Edge at Unforgiven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge, with Lita, is challenging in a cage with pinfall, submission or escape to win. Cena has a bad arm coming in but the good arm is fine enough to ram Edge into the cage over and over. A kick to the face rocks Cena though and the bad arm goes into the cage. Cena’s suplex cuts off Edge’s escape attempt and gets two as JR is right there to explain that Edge would have won the title had he won. See how quick and easy it can be?

The FU is countered into the Impaler for two and Edge slaps on a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Cena’s Throwback gets two. Edge pulls him off the cage though and it’s a spear to drive Cena into the steal for a good looking crash. Now it’s Edge going up but Cena catches him with a super bulldog as we take a break. Back with Cena using the good arm for a belly to belly suplex as we cut to some Marines watching from the crowd.

Edge is back up to throw Cena’s bad arm into the cage but Cena is right there again to stop the escape attempt. They sit on top and slug it out with Cena being knocked back in first. Cena pulls him back in as well but Edge gets in a superplex for two. Edge climbs but gets crotched on top, allowing Cena to initiate his finishing sequence. The FU is blocked with a grab of the cage though and Edge sends him head first into the cage again.

Another FU is countered again to give Edge two again so he tries to escape. That’s broken up by Cena, so Lita grabs Edge’s arms as she throws in a chair. The referee ejects Lita but the referee gets bumped. A heck of a chair shot knocks Edge down to set up the STFU but here are Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch to take Cena out. Cue DX to make the save though and Shawn superkicks Murdoch into the door into Edge’s head. The FU retains Cena’s title.

Rating: B. Good stuff here and it felt like the big blowoff to the feud. They needed to wrap the thing up here as it has been going on for about eight months now and there isn’t much else to do. The good thing is that Edge stayed strong in defeat, and now they are ready to move on to something else. Cena needs a fresh challenger and we can get somewhere else soon enough, but for now they had the big finale and it worked out well.

Overall Rating: C+. This was ALL about the main event with the DX shenanigans just filling in time elsewhere. What we got was a nice show built around one match and that worked out fine. They can start things up again next week as the build towards Cyber Sunday can begin, but this was good enough and it’s nice to see them set something up and then pay it off like this.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 25, 2006
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re still starting of the new John Cena Era and that seems to include one last gasp from Edge, but I can’t imagine him sticking around in the main event scene that much longer. You also have to imagine that the McMahons are going to be back sooner rather than later, because that’s how Raw works. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

And the power is out, meaning the commentary intro is in the dark.

Lilian Garcia’s intro can’t be heard and there is no video screen or graphics.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Lita vs. Candice Michelle

Lilian’s mic is back up to announce that we’re having a Women’s Title tournament. Lita’s video is at least playing on the screen above the ring. Before the bell, Lita gets a mic and says that thanks to a private meeting with Jonathan Coachman, she gets to pick the guest referee for this match. It’s Edge and, after a rather extensive weapons shirt, he spears Candice to give Lita the pin in about thirty seconds.

Post match (and actually mid match) John Cena runs in for the save as the lights start to come back up a bit.

Back from a break with the power on and Cena talking about Edge sabotaging the lights so he wouldn’t have to face him. Edge and Lita come back out and say that there isn’t going to be a title match tonight. They are going to celebrate, sending Cena into a few jokes about Lita being….yeah I think you get the joke. Cena suggests that various parts of her are as red as the Oklahoma University end zone and says that was for JR (who gives a thumbs up. Lita: “SCREW YOU!” Cena: “I don’t have ten bucks!”

Lita is sick of Cena making fun of her when Cena is the real joke. Edge and Lita are both better wrestlers than him, which Cena says is proof that she has the testicles in the relationship. And yeah, she might be better….if he was blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back (uh oh) and wasn’t afraid of a scorching case of herpes. Edge is ready to fight right now but it’s for Lita, with Cena’s arm tied behind his back.

Footage of the Mexico tour.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Kane jumps him during the rather long entrance and a side slam lets Nitro get the fur coat off. Melina’s distraction lets Nitro hit a chop block but Kane boots him out of the air. Cue Umaga with a chair to Kane’s back for the DQ barely a minute in.

Post match Umaga destroys Kane with the running hip attack and the steps to the head.

Shawn Michaels is readying the WWE Magazine but can’t find any advertisements for DX gear. After the plug is done, Maria comes up to ask DX about their gauntlet match tonight. Maria thinks their catchphrase is NO WAY so HHH offers a demonstration, with Shawn pulling him away. Instead HHH whispers it in her ear before leaving, with Eugene replacing them. Maria whispers the same thing in Eugene’s ear and he faints.

This Week In Wrestling History: Andre the Giant vs. Gorilla Monsoon in a boxing match in Puerto Rico in 1977. Monsoon’s selling of the knockout is great.

Jonathan Coachman talks to Shelton Benjamin about his claims of being held down for being a black man last week. Vince McMahon’s hero is Dr. Martin Luther King! Benjamin: “I’m kind of partial to Michael Jordan myself.” Benjamin asks Coach what he knows about being a black man in this business and says Coach is “whitewashed.”

Jeff Hardy comes up with some of the most stereotypical slang you’ll ever hear (Cryme Tyme would think it was over the top) so Coach makes a match between them tonight. Benjamin: “Thanks, brother.” The two of them leave so Edge and Lita come out of Coach’s office and the Cena vs. Lita match is made. Coach even throws in a No Holds Barred stipulation, but if Edge touches Cena, he loses hit rematch. When did Coach grow a backbone?

Ric Flair vs. Mikey

The rest of the Spirit Squad is here too. Flair takes him down to start without much effort and unloads in the corner. Mikey snaps off a dropkick and slaps Flair in the corner, earning himself various shots to the face and chest. A shot to the knee looks to set up the Figure Four but Flair has to throw Nicky onto the rest of the Squad. Flair punches Mikey down for the pin. Yeah off a right hand.

Rating: D+. This mini feud continues and I’m oddly fine with a right hand beating Mikey. No matter how you look at the them, aside from Kenny, the entire Spirit Squad is a bunch of goons who only succeed at anything because they have a numbers advantage. Losing to a right hand might be a bit much, but I don’t think Mikey getting pinned by Ric Flair is going to end him.

John Cena was on MadTV.

D-Generation X vs. ???/???/???

DX is running a three team gauntlet and dedicate it to Vince McMahon. He isn’t here though, and they have a video on the Cell to explain his absence. The Highlanders are in first and lose in about fifteen seconds to a superkick. Robbie gets Pedigreed for a bonus and it’s Charlie Haas/Viscera as the second team. HHH runs Haas over to start and Shawn comes in to chop away in the corner. It’s off to Viscera, who gets crushed with a sidewalk slam and we take a break.

Back with Haas cranking on Shawn’s arms but he fights up and sends the villains into each other. The hot tag brings in HHH to clean house and a double clothesline drops Viscera. The Pedigree to Haas lays him out and a superkick knocks Viscera onto him for the double pin. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in as the third team and a cheap shot to Michaels’ back puts him in trouble, allowing Cade to blast him with a clothesline. Everything breaks down in a hurry with DX being sent into various hard objects. Cade grabs a chair to knock Shawn down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The longest match we saw was the middle portion, which was cut in half by the break. I’m not sure how this was supposed to be anything more than a workout for DX, but at least they didn’t treat it as anything else. This felt more like DX needing a reason to be on the show and until a new team is built up, that’s about as all as you can do with them.

Post match HHH grabs his own chair to clear the ring.

In two weeks: Family Reunion, a three hour special. Oh…yay.

Cryme Tyme robs a guy near an ATM.

Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton knocks him down to start and then does it again for a bonus. A running forearm puts Shelton down for a change but he’s back with right hands and a bit one knocks Hardy into the barricade. Back in the chinlock goes on until hardy jawbreaks his way to freedom. The Whisper in the Wind connects but Shelton jumps up to the top, only to get shoved down for the Swanton. Shelton gets a boot on the rope and grabs the rope to block the Twist of Fate. That’s fine with Jeff, who small packages him for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. I have no idea what WWE is doing with these two and the segment with Hardy earlier was a little more than uncomfortable. At the same time, Shelton finding another way to lose is never a good thing despite how many times WWE has done it. I’ve given up on the false hope of him doing anything important anytime soon, but the racial stuff could get rather bad in a hurry.

John Cena has a wife in the Marina.

Carlito/Super Crazy vs. Randy Orton/Chris Masters

Carlito takes Masters down for an early near fall and it’s off to Crazy, who is powerbombed down in a hurry. Orton comes in and slaps on a chinlock, which is broken up in a hurry for the hot tag off to Carlito. House is cleaned and everything breaks down but Masters avoids Crazy’s moonsault. With Crazy sent outside, Masters tries the Masterlock on Carlito but gets reversed into the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to this one but it gives Carlito a quick boost to help him up after the Unforgiven loss. There are only so many things that you can do when the match was so definitive but at least they’re trying. The Super Crazy push is still a little odd, though at least they’re trying something new and that’s not a terrible idea.

Post match Orton catches Carlito with the RKO to leave him laying.

Here’s Jonathan Coachman for a chat and he has a surprise: Eric Bischoff of all people, who has not been here since he was fired last year. Bischoff is happy to be back and while he isn’t thrilled with being fired, he has written a book called Controversy Creates Cash. He’s telling the truth in the book, including the fact that Raw would not exist in this form without him and there would be no DX without the NWO. And then the music plays him off because that’s a little too far.

John Cena vs. Lita

Non-title, Cena’s arm is tied behind his back and Edge is here but can’t touch Cena. Lita pokes him in the eye and gets low blowed but the FU finishes her in less than a minute.

Post match here are King Booker, Finlay and William Regal from Smackdown (where Cena will be appearing in a six man tag later this week) for the big beatdown. Finlay gets in some Shillelagh shots and Booker takes off his boot because it’s time for Cena kiss the feet. JR: “WHEN DID BOOKER GET AN ENGLISH ACCENT???” Booker sits on the ropes as the beatdown knocks Cena out and his face is put onto Booker’s bare foot. Booker twirls in the robe before leaving, so Edge grabs a mic. The rematch for the title is next week and it’s inside a cage.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird show as there was one match which broke five minutes and it was a three fall gauntlet match. I’m not sure if they were a little spent after the international tour or whatever else but I did like the show flew by with a lot of things getting some time. Granted not everything needed to get time (like that Hardy/Shelton segment) but I did like the structure they were going with here. It wouldn’t work every week, though it worked rather well for a one off change.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 4, 2006
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than two weeks away from Unforgiven and that means it is time to build up the card. The main event was set last week as John Cena will be challenging Edge for the World Title in a TLC match, which does sound like it has some potential. Other than that and a handicap match inside the Cell, you can probably see a lot of the card but there is work left to do. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the TLC match being set up last week.

Here is Edge in the ring with a table, a ladder and a chair (there’s something to that) to get things going. Edge sits on the ladder and says the “Get John Cena Out Of My Life Countdown” is on. After Unforgiven, Cena is going to the CW because Cena Can’t Win. The match is in Edge’s hometown and Edge has never lost.

We see a special video on Edge’s history in TLC matches (Video: “He’s fearless, he’s relentless, he’s Canadian.”) with some rather violent clips. Back in the arena, Edge says he’s getting rid of Cena and proving that he is the greatest WWE Champion of all time….and here’s Cena to turn the ladder over to put Edge through the table.

Jeff Hardy is painting a wall, which he says is like watching Johnny Nitro and Melina’s press conference from last week. Maria comes up and says it looks like Jeff is watching paint dry. Hardy: “Exactly.”

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro is defending and has Melina in his corner. They trade early rollup attempts for two each to start and it’s an early standoff. That means a kick to the chest to put Nitro on the floor and we take a break. Back with Hardy caught in a reverse chinlock and hitting a belly to back suplex to stay on the back a bit more. With the double arm crank not working, Nitro stomps away and cuts off a comeback with a hot shot.

The fans are behind Hardy but a backbreaker into a Russian legsweep cuts them off again. Nitro grabs a waistlock (with JR making a surprising error by calling it a bearhug) but Hardy comes back with an electric chair to put them both down. Hardy makes the clothesline comeback and uses his double legdrop rollup for two. The Whisper in the Wind gets the same and the Twist of Fate connects, drawing Melina in for the DQ.

Rating: C. They went with a different path here and it involved Nitro being a bit smarter than usual. It made sense to ground Hardy and proved to be right as Hardy’s comeback involved going to the air a bit to take over. This is probably leading to a rematch at Unforgiven and that should work out just fine for everyone involved.

Post match, Hardy hits a Swanton to Nitro’s back.

This Week In Wrestling History: Monday Nitro debuts.

Trish Stratus runs into Lita in the back, who isn’t impressed by Trish’s impending farewell. They set up a title match at Unforgiven and Lita slaps her, with the brawl being on. Carlito tries to break it up but gets jumped by Randy Orton.

Video on the Marine.

Lita pounds on Vince McMahon’s door but gets Shane (looking weird in a beige-ish suit) instead. Shane makes Lita/Orton vs. Trish/Carlito for later tonight. Lita would rather be with Edge, so Shane adds in Edge and John Cena to make it a six person. Jonathan Coachman sucks up to Shane, who rolls his eyes and leaves.

Here’s Chris Masters to say his comeback last week was interrupted so it’s open challenge time.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

This is Crazy’s debut as part of the Raw roster and uh…..yay? Masters punches him down in the corner to start and sends Crazy’s shoulder into the post. That’s good for two back inside but Crazy is back with a spinwheel kick to the face. Crazy kicks him to the floor and hits a dive, followed by a sunset flip for two back inside. Masters blasts him with a clothesline but gets his leg dropkicked out, allowing Crazy to hit the moonsault for the surprise pin.

Rating: C-. What a random debut as Crazy was hardly a big star anywhere in WWE so far. That being said, there is nothing wrong with throwing out a high flier because he is the kind of guy who can go out there and pop the crowd. I’m kind of surprised that he beat Masters, but does Masters mean anything in the first place?

As Masters is upset, we randomly look at Maria still watching the paint dry (and possibly sniffing the roller).

We look back at Vince McMahon attacking DX last week and announcing the McMahons/Big Show vs. DX in the Cell at Unforgiven.

Here are the McMahons for a chat and Vince is looking rather happy this week. Before they can say anything, here’s Big Show to join them, with Vince nearly dancing to his music. Shane says last week was just a little preview for what is coming at Unforgiven, where DX will learn to never mess with the McMahons. Big Show talks about DX coming to ECW to face him tomorrow night, where it will be time to pay the price.

Vince says there is something missing this week and realizes what it is: the fans aren’t happy! They aren’t laughing like they were when they saw DX ruining so many of Vince’s things. Last week they destroyed DX and then it is going to be even worse at Unforgiven. So what kind of a chance will DX have against the three of them in the Cell?

Well that would be no chance in….and here’s DX, looking serious this week. HHH, with the sledgehammer (complimented by Shawn and his chair), says thank you for waking them up last week. They go to the ring and wreck security as the McMahons and DX leave. I can go for serious DX as they go into a major match for a change.

Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas

The winners get a shot at the Spirit Squad (on the stage) at Unforgiven. Cade and Murdoch clean house at the bell with Haas having to save Rory early on. Murdoch elbows Haas in the face but gets flattened by Viscera. Everything breaks down with Viscera flattening various people and Haas loading up a German suplex on Murdoch. Robbie comes in with a sunset flip to Haas, which send Murdoch flying as Robbie gets the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D+. It was energetic but there wasn’t much to see here. There also wasn’t much drama, as the Highlanders had been built up as the next challengers for a long time now, leaving this as more of a foregone conclusion. That isn’t the worst thing though and they were smart to keep this moving as quickly as they did.

Smackdown Rebound.

Carlito rants to Trish about Randy Orton, who he calls a fraud. Tonight, he’s spitting in Orton’s face.

And now, Maria with the Kiss Cam but here’s Ric Flair to interrupt. Maria certainly seems to approve of Flair, who says the only thing that would make this better would be a kiss. Flair gets what he asks for and Maria could not seem happier. It even makes Flair drop his microphone but here’s Armando Alejandro Estrada to interrupt. Estrada talks about Flair saying “to be the man, you gotta be the man”, but who has beaten Umaga? He wants Flair to pass the torch but that isn’t going to be the case. Cue Umaga but here’s Kane right after him. The brawl is on and Umaga is knocked to the floor in a hurry.

We get the first vignette of Cryme Tyme’s training, who rob a smoothie shop. They do make sure to get in a shout out to their friends though, which makes this somehow even more racist than it did before. These things would get half the company fired today.

Teddy Long is in a sky box.

Maria is back with her paint.

Unforgiven rundown, with Carlito vs. Randy Orton and Johnny Nitro defending the Intercontinental Title against Jeff Hardy confirmed.

Big Show knows he can destroy DX but Vince McMahon, holding his DVD, has a better idea: next week, he’s main eventing the show against HHH. It’s in Madison Square Garden you see.

Trish Stratus/John Cena/Carlito vs. Randy Orton/Lita/Edge

Edge has some very taped up ribs after the opening segment. Orton hammers Cena down to start but Cena runs him over with a running shoulder. It’s off to Carlito for the slugout until Orton pokes him in the eye like a villain should. Edge comes in so Carlito hands it off to Cena, sending Edge running off. The women come in to slug it out as well, with Lita blasting her with a clothesline.

Trish is right back up with a slap to Orton and everything breaks down as we take a break. Back with Lita chinlocking Trish, who comes back with a neckbreaker for a breather. The double tag brings in Carlito and Orton again, with Carlito nailing the springboard back elbow to the face. A quick distraction lets Orton send Carlito outside though and the stomping is on to put the villains in control again.

Edge hits a dropkick and the running spear in the corner but hands it off to Orton to kick away instead of covering. That never seems like a good idea but maybe it’s a Canadian thing. Lita gets in a bit of choking of her own and Edge nails a hard clothesline for two. Orton grabs the abdominal stretch but gets caught grabbing the rope. Come on man your dad taught you better than that.

Edge’s chinlock doesn’t do much on Carlito so Orton shows him how it’s done. This time Carlito fights up and hits an enziguri so Edge pulls Cena to the floor. Trish gets the tag instead and everything breaks down in a hurry. The Stratusphere takes Lita down but it’s an RKO to drop Trish and give Lita the pin.

Rating: C+. I can always go with the idea of taking a bunch of feuds and putting them into one match and that is what they did rather well here. The action was good enough and they had a pretty nice heel moment at the end with Orton laying out Trish to make Carlito even angrier. Solid main event here, as they went smart by doing everything at once.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, a wrestling show is at its best when it has something to focus on and that was the case again here. With less than two weeks to go, the Unforgiven card is starting to look a heck of a lot better. I’m curious to see how things are going to go, but at the same time, what they already have is looking pretty good. Hopefully they don’t take a step back next week, because what we have here is making me want to see the show.

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