You know what move didn’t really do jack?Ric Flair’s Figure Four. Take a look at how he won his World Titles (some recognized, some unrecognized. Don’t start with the “IT’S MORE THAN 16 TIMES” stuff again).
WCW – 1 – Pin with feet on the ropes
WCW – 2 – Rollup
WCW – 3 – Rollup
WCW – 4 – Brass knuckles
WCW – 5 – Shoe to the face
WCW – 6 – Pin in the figure four
WCW – 7 – Small package
WCW – 8 – Awarded title
WWF – 1 – Won Royal Rumble
WWF – 2 – Pin in the Figure Four
NWA – 1 – Pin after Dusty Rhodes collapsed
NWA – 2 – Cross body
NWA – 3 – Rollup
NWA – 4 – Pin in the Figure Four
NWA – 5 – Pin after a ram into the cage
NWA – 6 – Small package
NWA – 7 – Rollup
NWA – 8 – Pin in the Figure Four
Yeah Flair won a few with it via pin, but he never won a World Title with the Figure Four via a traditional submission. However, when you think of Flair, you instantly think of the Figure Four, despite it almost never winning a major match. It says a lot about the way you can make something big just by talking about it and that you don’t always have to see everything to believe it.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Thunder Date: April 26, 2000
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 1,269
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone
Before we get to perhaps the most humiliating moment in wrestling history, I need to know how you only get 1,200 people to a TV taping in 2000. Less than two weeks earlier, ECW drew 1,700 at the house show where Taz returned and won the World Title. The company is on the brink of a free fall and tonight it goes over the edge. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Monday. I wouldn’t bring up that show under most circumstances but tonight it’s not the worst idea in the world.
Eric Bischoff, Kimberly and Jeff Jarrett drag David Arquette into the building. They drag Arquette into the arena and Jarrett slaps on a choke while ranting about how this is Jeff’s world. Cue Page and Kanyon but Jarrett stops them with the threat of even more violence to Arquette. Well who in the world would want to see that? Tonight it’s about the revenge of the New Blood and here are the magic words: Jarrett wants a tag match for the World Title with Page/Arquette vs. Jarrett/Bischoff where the man who gets the fall is the champion.
We see Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas standing at the entrance to keep Page and Kanyon from doing anything but Team Package comes in to take them out. Kanyon chases the male villains off and Page almost gives Kimberly the Diamond Cutter but lets her go instead. That earns him a low blow because Kimberly is smarter than Page is. So why does Jarrett want a tag match instead of like a 15-1 handicap match where only he can get the pin? Or why not have Arquette defend the title in Page’s place? As usual, the script wanting one thing and ignoring plot holes or stupid thinking to get there.
The Cat is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow.
Arquette and company are in the boiler room. Again I ask: does no one watch the show and know where this is happening? Or can’t they find where the camera cable is going to make the save?
Recap of Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Cat.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Cat
Before we get going, Cat asks Bigelow for some mercy for what he did. After Bigelow attacked him at Spring Stampede, Cat had to do something. Bigelow thinks about it but Cat goes on too long (shocking I know) and insults Bigelow’s mama. Bigelow destroys him for a few moments and here’s Miss Hancock to scout. It’s chair time but the referee takes it away, allowing Cat to hit a Feliner for the pin in just over a minute.
Bigelow beats up Cat after the match because that kick was just enough to put him down for three. Keep in mind that it was literally the only offense Cat had.
Kidman and Torrie arrive. Thanks for showing up fifteen minutes into a two hour show.
Page keeps looking for Arquette.
The New Blood keeps yelling at Arquette. I was twelve years old when this show took place and I have the same question now that I had back then: why should I care about David Arquette? I hadn’t seen any of the Scream movies at this point and the only movie he’s been in other than that by 2000 that I’ve heard of is Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a supporting role. Unless I’m missing something big, he seems like a middle of the road comedy actor who they’re treating like Tom Cruise.
Chris Kanyon vs. Shawn Stasiak
Curt Hennig is out to do commentary as Shawn takes over early on. Kanyon comes back with his own basic stuff but gets caught in a fireman’s carry slam (almost an AA). Shawn takes too long posing though and gets rolled up for two, with Hennig getting in some lines about Stasiak not being very perfect. Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker but Stasiak pounds him down in the corner. Instead of following up though it’s time to go outside and yell at Hennig for a bit. Back in and Curt sneaks up to the apron for a shot to the head, setting up That’s A Wrap to give Kanyon the pin.
Hennig chases Stasiak off as Mike Awesome comes to the ring to fight Kanyon. Mike gets the better of it and powerbombs Kanyon onto the announcers’ table before going after Hennig in the ring. Stasiak gets back up but Page runs in to give him a Diamond Cutter. Jarrett’s challenge for tonight is accepted.
Here’s Kidman with his ribs heavily taped and something to say. We see some clips (in black and white for some reason) of Kidman putting Hulk through a table on Monday. Marc Mero is at ringside in front of a bunch of empty seats. Kidman takes full credit for putting Hogan in the hospital on Monday and FINALLY explains the flea market comment. It only took them two and a half weeks. Kidman issues an open challenge and Torrie promises a kiss of death to the loser.
Kidman vs. Horace Hogan
Hogan comes out to American Made to tease the fans even more. Kidman gets crotched to start and drops him throat first across the barricade. Back in and a boot to the face drops Kidman again but he goes after Horace’s injured knee to take over. A hurricanrana puts Horace down as Heenan is thrilled about Hulk being in the hospital. Some things will never get old and Heenan hating Hulk is one of them.
Kidman goes up top but takes too long putting his hands to his ears, allowing Horace to avoid the top rope splash. A powerslam keeps the ribs in trouble but here’s Bischoff to ringside. Horace powerbombs Kidman clean and gets a chair but opts for a chokebomb instead. Now it’s table time but Torrie grabs Horace between the legs, allowing Bischoff to hit Hogan with a chair. Kidman bulldogs Horace off the apron and through the table, leaving Bischoff to count the pin on the floor.
Rating: C-. This was way better than it had any right to be but the stupid ending holds it back. Kidman is on fire right now but you know as well as I do that there’s almost no chance of Hulk putting him over on pay per view, making this whole thing almost totally worthless. At least Torrie looked great here.
Here’s Tank Abbott for his now twice a week call out of Goldberg. Well Ghostberg according to him. Abbott teases going after the announcers but stops at Marc Mero. Mero’s trainer gets in the ring and Mero comes in for the save, leading to a brawl with security making the save. That’s about it for Mero in WCW.
Page finds Arquette. That’s kind of a worthless story then.
Sting vs. The Wall
Tables match and Sting hasn’t washed the blood off himself yet. Sting hammers away, knocks Wall to the apron, escapes a powerslam, tries and botches a sunset bomb and the tries it again to put Wall through the table in less than a minute and a half.
Post match here’s the New Blood but Sting fights them off and gives Vampiro a Stinger Splash. Again, the New Blood looks completely inept.
Here are Russo/Bagwell/Douglas with something to say. Russo rips on the Rochester crowd because he’s not bright enough to remember that they’re in Syracuse. Buff says the same stuff he’s said about Luger for years and Shane says the same stuff he’s said about Flair for years, but at least Shane says this is a shoot. I’m sure the 24 people in the audience who know what that word means are WAY more into this now.
Cue Team Package and Flair has the microphone. Russo has some Power Plant guys guard the ring but Flair says he’s just here to talk. Hogan is the white collar champion (oh here we go) and Russo is disrespecting the legends. Flair, Sting and Luger have been going since 1985 (more like 1988 for Sting) and Russo is a mark for them. As for Douglas, the only franchise around here is Sting. Until Shane wrestles the list of men that Flair has wrestled over the years, he’ll never be Ric Flair.
If any of the three of them want to come at Team Package, they better have some, ahem, fortitude. On top of that, Flair wants a deal at Slamboree: if Russo interferes, Flair gets five minutes alone with him. Awesome speech. Now watch how Russo wastes the whole thing. Russo: “This is the part where I’m supposed to be a chicken heel.”
Russo guarantees Flair that he has big apples but Luger cuts him off and says he has Bagwell at Slamboree. Because THAT match hasn’t been done enough yet. Russo rips on the Lex Express for another reference that has nothing to do with this show. Apparently WCW owns Liz’s contract so she is going to be with Russo from now on. Security goes after her and gets beaten down, allowing Russo to kidnap Liz.
So, again, Flair does something great but Russo insists on making it all about him and how much of a MAN he is while he gets to leave with the girl because he’s such a MAN that he deserves the woman in the story. What’s the point in Flair or anybody for that matter doing something around Russo and Bischoff if the bosses are going to immediately turn it into their favor and no sell the whole thing? Hogan did it a few years back and now Bischoff and Russo are doing the exact thing. This is the kind of stuff that makes it hard to watch WCW because there’s no reason to hope it’s going to go anywhere.
Liz is put in the backseat of a car and taken away.
Paisley vs. Tammy
After Tammy takes forever to disrobe, Tony flat out says this is going to be a catfight. They slowly do bad “moves” to each other and it turns into a catfight until Tammy goes to the eyes. Tammy chokes with something and Candido chokes on the middle rope. A Stunner puts Paisley down but Tammy stops to dive on Candido, Artist and the referee at ringside. Back in and Paisley gets two off a handspring elbow. Tammy tries a northern lights suplex but gets countered into what was supposed to be a DDT for the pin.
Rating: F. These two should go learn something from the Bellas. The twins are roughly a thousand times better than these two and it’s probably a lot bigger gap than that. Total disaster here and neither of the two of them belong anywhere near the inside of a wrestling ring. This was horrible.
Candido and Tammy clean house post match.
Booker is in the back with Gene when one of Scott Steiner’s women comes in to ask what Booker plans to do against that guy from the indy circuit Mike Awesome.
Arquette wants to fight in the tag match.
Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.
Steiner comes out with his women to do commentary. Booker grabs a headlock to start but Awesome muscles him over into a belly to belly. Steiner talks about Hogan clinging to a spot, which has to mean a bald spot. There’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike down again and they head outside with Booker staying in control. Awesome comes back by sending him hard into the steps and hitting a top rope clothesline for two. He makes that look WAY too easy.
We hit the chinlock on Booker as Heenan starts sucking up to Steiner like only Heenan can do. Tony starts fearing for his life and begs anyone to talk about the match with him. Booker comes back with the kicks and a Spinarooni before going up top, only to have Steiner nail him in the back with the US Title. The Awesome Bomb is enough to give Mike the pin.
Rating: C. Awesome continues to look great and Booker is Booker, making this one of the better matches Thunder has produced in several weeks. Steiner at ringside was fine and the interference made sense for a change so I really don’t have many complaints here. I’m not sure how to react to something like that.
Steiner puts Booker in the Recliner but Chavo Guerrero, Hugh Morrus, Lash Leroux and Van Hammer make the save. The four of them plus Booker easily clean house and stand tall.
Scott Hudson has a sitdown interview with Bret Hart. Hudson asks about Bret attacking Hogan on Monday and Bret accuses Hulk of ducking him. That’s the only reason they’ve never fought. I know their match back in 1998 on Nitro was nothing great but that’s no excuse to forget about it. Hogan was willing to accept the torch from Andre but he never was willing to hand it off to Bret back in the WWF. What’s with all the references to 1993 tonight?
Hart may not be in WCW much longer due to his injuries, including a concussion. After a clip of the Goldberg kick, Hart promises to do more to make Hogan pay, but promises to put him in the Sharpshooter. This was really just a way of reminding us that Bret Hart is still alive.
WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page/David Arquette vs. Eric Bischoff/Jeff Jarrett
Let’s get this over with. Page is defending and whoever gets the fall is the champion. We’re not overbooked enough yet so here’s Kimberly to be guest referee. It’s a big brawl to start with the non-wrestlers fighting in the aisle. Page gets a neckbreaker so Kimberly counts one but stops due to a broken nail. A Batista Bomb gets a similar result before Kimberly counts very fast for Jeff’s rollup.
Here comes Bischoff, who says that Arquette is all done. Bischoff gets the tag as they’re actually trying to make this a match. The canned DDP chants come up as Jeff hammers on the champ in the corner. Page fights back and takes down both guys as Arquette comes back. Everything breaks down and Page kisses Kimberly for no apparent reason. Arquette spears Bischoff down as Jarrett hits Page with the title. We get a double cover and another referee comes in to count the pin on Bischoff, making Arquette the World Champion. Page is totally cool with losing the title.
Rating: N/A. I’m not going to give this a rating because the rating for this doesn’t exist. I know there are other options out there and some people disagree, but this is the lowest of the low points for WCW and perhaps wrestling as a whole. This takes away the entire illusion of wrestling and screams as loud as possible that wrestling is a huge fake story.
I understand that this is a massive publicity stunt (which failed). There are all kinds of celebrity appearances in wrestling that are often used as a cheap excuse to pop a rating (which only works in certain circumstances) but most of the time, wrestling companies know where to stop. Mr. T. was in the main event of Wrestlemania, but at least Mr. T. is a tough guy who looked like he could hold his own physically. Mike Tyson got physical because he was one of the most successful boxers of all time. Neither of those is a huge stretch.
This however was clearly just saying that it’s a big work because they didn’t even try to hide how they were setting Arquette up to win. The fact that they would rather go this route instead of trying to set something up tells you most of what you need to know about Russo and Bischoff: they keep trying shortcuts to get somewhere and once they get there, it usually leads to a horrible idea.
Why should I care about any title match going forward? Why should I care if Page and Jarrett have a fifteen minute war for the belt? David Arquette can win the title in a five minute match (which they set up earlier in the night, completely defeating the point of getting people to tune in for the moment) so why should I want to sit around for a long title match?
The example I always use for how to properly use a celebrity is Drew Carey at the 2001 Royal Rumble. Carey came in, was given a spot in the Rumble (which the show made sure to point out was going to go to D’Lo Brown or Chaz otherwise, ensuring that the fans weren’t going to wonder who else could have gotten this spot, did nothing important, left without causing any damage and gave the fans a fun little moment. No one was hurt, everybody gets what they want, and it’s looked back on pretty fondly.
This on the other hand was taking a low level actor (at least the Drew Carey Show was a pretty solid ratings winner) WINNING THE WORLD TITLE. As usual, Russo thinks that the title is just a prop with no meaning behind it and if the fans disagree, that’s on them because Russo is too busy doing MANLY things to listen to their complaints. There’s no excuse for this and it’s a shame that WCW had to sink this low.
Finally, it should be noted that Arquette thought this was a horrible idea and donated his pay to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. He seems like a nice guy who knew his place. WCW on the other hand never understood anything and managed to take the title and the business to a never before imaginable low.
Overall Rating: D. Completely destroying the World Title’s importance aside, this wasn’t the worst show in the world. The Booker vs. Awesome match worked and the Flair promo, meaning the part without Russo, was good stuff too. We’ve reached the point where a watchable five minute match between Mike Awesome and Booker T. is the high point of the week for WCW. That’s how far we’ve sunk and I’m terrified to see where this is going to wind up.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro – April 24, 2000: He’s A Man! Such A Man!
Monday Nitro #237 Date: April 24, 2000 Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York Attendance: 7,713
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
I’m not sure where they’re supposed to go from here but something needs to change. Last week’s show was another mess to sit through as this era is starting off as a combination of boring and horrible with the bosses and Hogan being the featured attractions. Slamboree is in two weeks and the main event will be DDP vs. Jeff Jarrett in the triple cage. Let’s get to it.
We recap last week. When you cut this down to a minute, it actually makes sense. It’s really bad writing and not a good show, but you can tell what’s going on.
Sting and Vampiro are brawling in the back with Sting getting the better of it until Vampiro hits him with a pipe.
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Terry Funk
Funk is defending but Bigelow attacks in the aisle with a trashcan. The Cat comes out for revenge after Bigelow beat him up at Spring Stampede but Bigelow is able to put Funk in a trashcan and beat on it with a chair. Cat comes in and kicks the chair into Bigelow’s face, allowing Funk to cover him to retain in less than two minutes.
Cat dances a bit as Madden sums up how stupid this was.
We recap Hogan being a psycho last week, leading to the end of the show where Bret was about to hit either him or Kidman. The announcers should have seen who Bret hit but they won’t actually say who it was.
Here are Kidman and Torrie with the former having taped ribs. Kidman is here tonight to show that no one wants to see the yellow and red anymore. He’ll finish this at Slamboree if Terry is there.
Bischoff and Kimberly aren’t pleased with what Kidman did.
Norman Smiley begs Russo for a chance to get the Hardcore Title back. Russo agrees, if Smiley can find a partner to make it a handicap match at Slamboree.
Here are Kimberly, Bischoff and Jarrett with something to say. David Arquette is in the front row because that is our fate. Jarrett promises to hurt Page in the triple cage at Slamboree and shows us clips of the cage from Ready to Rumble. He’ll beat Page and neglect him, just like Page did to his wife. Bischoff, on a wireless mic, says Kimberly has a gift for Page. She has some papers for him, but here’s Page in an Albert Einstein shirt of all things. Kimberly says she’s in the driver’s seat for the first time and talks about Eric opening her eyes to these stupid wrestling marks.
The papers are for a divorce but Page thinks she’s out of her mind. Page says no way but calls Kimberly some insulting names instead. He goes after Bischoff and gets a guitar to the back for his efforts. Arquette jumps the barricade to go after Bischoff and Kanyon runs in to save Arquette from Jarrett. Bischoff freaks out and says he’ll fight Arquette tonight. David agrees, but if he wins, Page gets a World Title match against Jarrett in the cage tonight.
In case it wasn’t clear enough already, this segment showed that Jeff Jarrett, the World Heavyweight Champion, is a supporting character on this show. He’s beneath the writers and Hogan, plus probably Sting vs. Vampiro. Now he’s beneath Page and David Arquette, putting the World Heavyweight Champion as the eighth most important character on this show.
Kronik demands a title shot from Vince Russo, who of course stands up to them and asks if they know who he is. They’ll get their shot if they do him a favor. This segment existed for no other reason that to remind you that Vince Russo is a MAN.
Bischoff sends Jarrett to go find Billy Kidman. The World Champion is officially an errand boy.
Chris Candido/Tammy vs. The Artist/Paisley
This could be a really long night. Tammy says she’s here to show Paisley what men want. The guys start and knock each other down in about fifteen seconds. It’s off to the women for a double cover, followed by the required catfight. Everything breaks down and Tammy dives off the top to take Paisley and Artist down. That’s the most physical she’s ever gotten and she didn’t terrible at it. Back inside and Candido clotheslines Paisley giving Tammy the pin.
Sting comes out with a Death Drop to Candido. He wants Vampiro out here tonight and why not just make it first blood.
Kanyon and Page give Arquette a pep talk.
Team Package vs. Kronik
It’s a brawl to start and here’s Miss Hancock in case you’re already bored. In case the match and Hancock aren’t enough, Buff Bagwell runs in less than thirty seconds in, allowing Shane Douglas to hit Flair with a ball bat. High Time gives Adams the pin in just over a minute.
Buff and Douglas beat down Team Package a bit more until Buff hands Adams the bat, leading to Kronik beating them down as well.
Vampiro wants to make Sting bleed from the eyes so I guess the match is on.
Bischoff gives Kidman Mike Awesome for protection against Hogan tonight. Hogan is welcome to find a tag partner if he can. Also, Bischoff is guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan at Slamboree. So after weeks of running scared from Hogan, Bischoff is totally fine with putting himself in the same ring with him. Makes as much sense as anything else here.
Mike Awesome/Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan
Kidman comes out in a Hogan shirt. Hulk comes out alone, in black pants and a black vest with F.U.N.B. on the back. Hogan hammers away at both guys to start and gives Awesome a whipping with the belt. A big boot and belly to back put Awesome down as Hogan is completely dominating him because that’s what Hogan does to someone young and full of potential. Hogan stops Mike’s comeback with a low blow so Kidman comes in to double team Hogan down.
As you might expect, Hogan fights back and we cut to a WWF Wrestling Buddy in the crowd. Awesome clotheslines Hogan down and drops a splash for two as Madden complains about the impending Hulk Up. There’s the second big boot to Awesome but Hogan drops elbows instead of going for the leg. They head outside with Hogan shoving Awesome into Madden’s face for no apparent reason. Kidman comes in with a chair to bust Hogan open as this match is getting a shocking amount of time.
It’s table time which feels as awkward and out of place in a Hogan match as wrestling does on a Russo show. Right after the powerbomb through the table, we cut to the back to see Nash coming in. Awesome puts Hogan on a second table and Kidman adds a top rope splash, followed by a legdrop for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match sucked from a technical standpoint (I’m as shocked as you are), but I’ll give them points for having the young guys win and for giving it some time. This is the kind of thing they need to do to actually get some people over, but unfortunately this is going to happen on an episode of Nitro, not at Slamboree where Hogan needs to put Kidman over. Also, at just under 11 minutes, I believe this is the second longest match of Russo and Bischoff’s tenure so far.
Nash hits the ring to clean house but Torrie hits him low, allowing Kidman and Awesome to get in their stompings.
Eric Bischoff vs. David Arquette
Again, remember that Bischoff is a karate expert and should be able to knock Arquette out in about ten seconds. Bischoff kicks him into the corner to start but David comes back with a spear, followed by the Worm for one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jarrett pulls the referee out at two and hits Page with the belt. Bischoff gets in a low blow on Arquette but Jeff guitars Eric by mistake, giving Arquette the pin.
The lights go out and Sting is watching from the rafters. This of course has nothing to do with what you’re currently watching.
One of the former NWO girls is now an interviewer (in a swimsuit of course) but can’t get in a word over Arquette’s celebrating.
Jarrett is livid.
Here are Scott Steiner and assorted women with something to say. He lists off all of the things he did last night (in rhyme because why not) and promises to floss Booker’s teeth with his shoelaces tonight. Booker comes out to explain that he only did what he did last week to make things up to Bischoff. Steiner just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The girls come up to Booker for the most obvious distraction in the history of obvious distractions. The guys brawl until it’s time for a break.
Russo tells Bagwell and Douglas that “we” have to go fight Kronik.
Tag Team Titles: Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas vs. Kronik
The champs are in street clothes here as Kronik cleans house. Shane drops Clark face first with a suplex and the fans start the boring chant. Adams helps Clark drop Shane throat first across the top rope. It’s off to Adams to clean house but Buff throws the referee over the top. Hudson: “THAT’S BULL”…..and the rest isn’t censored, freaking Madden out. Buff takes High Times but that manly man Vince Russo comes in and hits Clark with a ball bat. Shane hits Adams with it as well. Nick Patrick goes to ring the bell but Russo hits him with a bat as well. Russo counts the pin on Adams to retain the titles.
Rating: D. As we’ve firmly established over the last few weeks and tonight in particular: Nitro exists to prove that Vince Russo is the toughest and most awesome man that has ever lived and he can beat up big goons like Kronik because he’s a real man from New York and a thousand times smarter than all these stupid wrestling marks. It also proves that the real money in WCW is manufacturing baseball bats because every body has one these days.
Here’s Tank Abbott for his weekly insulting of Goldberg. Madden panicking over Abbott wanting to hurt someone tonight is some of the only funny stuff he’s ever done. Tank throws WCW.com writer Bob Ryder into the ring and Jeremy Borash (who looks identical to how he looks now) fails at making a save. Tank finally leaves.
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Jarrett is defending and this is supposed to be inside a cage (complete with roof), which is why they’re already fighting in the crowd. Page hits him in the back with a trashcan but gets dropped onto a barricade. They finally get inside so Jarrett can stomp away, only to have Page whip him into the cage. Jarrett sends Page face first into the buckle and then into the cage twice in a row.
Page slugs away in the corner before the discus lariat puts Jarrett down. Cue Mike Awesome as Jarrett escapes the Diamond Cutter and counters with a DDT. There’s the Diamond Cutter but Awesome breaks into the cage. He breaks up the pin at two but Kanyon comes in and decks Awesome, allowing the referee to count the three about five seconds after the two, giving Page the title.
Rating: D. The WCW World Champion, who was crowned the chosen one eight days earlier, just lost the title in a cage match that didn’t last five minutes. Of that time, less than three minutes of were spent inside the cage. This was in addition to the two people interfering in the match, making the cage completely unnecessary. The gimmick overkill on this show astounds me more and more every single week.
Oh yeah that’s not the main event.
Vampiro vs. Sting
First blood. Sting takes too long getting unhooked from his repelling gear and Vampiro attacks, only to fight him off with ease because Vampiro is New Blood and therefore unable to win a fair fight with any old guy. Right hands and a suplex put Vampiro back on the floor. He gets on the announcers’ table and does a throat slit, causing a red liquid to fall on Sting (ripping off the Brood’s Bloodbath). Some of the New Blood comes out to beat Sting down as the fans really aren’t pleased.
The New Blood attaches the soaked Sting to the cable and hangs him from the ceiling to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. This took me most of the day to sit through on and off because it really is cringe worthy. The wrestling ranges from bad to very bad, the stories are all about Russo and Bischoff, and the World Title feud is now featuring David Arquette and three title changes in two weeks. The worst part is things are going to go downhill from here, making the entire show an even bigger disaster. This show is all about Russo/Bischoff/Hogan and it’s been easy to see that since the day the new stories started. It’s getting harder to sit through these things and the worst has just begun.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro – April 17, 2000: Russo and Bischoff’s Bogus Adventure
Monday Nitro #236 Date: April 17, 2000
Location: Metrocentre, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 4,345
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
Now this is an interesting show as we’re officially into the Russo/Bischoff Era. They’ve had a week and a pay per view to set everything up so now they have no real excuses left. This is going to be the show where we see what their vision is supposed to be, complete with Jeff Jarrett and the New Blood on top. Let’s get to it.
We open with a stills package from last night, including Hart vs. Mancow. The worst part: we’re not done with Mancow this year.
Opening sequence.
New York, New York plays as papers fall from the ceiling. All of the new champions (sans Funk of course and Jarrett) come out as they’re covered in balloons for a big celebration. Russo says all the booing doesn’t change the fact that he’s better than everyone here. Last night, the New Blood took over just like they promised they would. Russo introduces the new champions one by one and promises to come for Funk’s Hardcore Title.
The fans are popping the balloons and it sounds like a war has broken out. Russo rips on Jim Ross for never believing in him holding Jeff Jarrett down. That would be your weekly insider shot that most fans didn’t get/care about. Jarrett comes out and says this is the greatest day of his life (after the day his child was born that is). He rips on JR as well before talking about not being in Ready to Rumble, even though the stars are beneath him. This brings us to Slamboree, where Jarrett will hang the World Title above the triple cage used in the movie.
Russo brings out Bischoff and Kimberly and we’ve got a riot squad at ringside. Bischoff makes sex jokes about Page (because that’s what the bosses of this company do) and says last night was the whipped cream on the cake of torturing Page. Kimberly goes off about Page making it all about him for years but now it’s time for her to be the star.
She starts talking in the third person and calls Bischoff her opportunity. Bischoff goes on and we see Page beating up security in the back. He comes into the arena (in a Sopranos shirt) and goes right into the ring for a beating. The riot squad reveals themselves as the Millionaires Club and the New Blood is cleared out.
So to recap: the bosses get to say their adversaries are shall we say small, Russo gets to take shots at Jim Ross and Bischoff gets to imply that he’s sleeping with Kimberly Page. This is more proof that WCW is the playground for whoever is running the company and if the fans get to enjoy it, consider it a bonus.
Here’s a recap of what we just saw, in slow motion for no apparent reason.
Bischoff yells at a bunch of guys over what happened. Booker asks why they’re supposed to be security so Bischoff tells him he has a short amount of time to get on his good side. Everyone leaves and Bischoff makes Page vs. Awesome. The security from outside comes in and quits. Hogan calls in and promises to beat Bischoff up in about five minutes. All of this happened in just over a minute.
The announcers recap things, in case the recap we saw or WATCHING THE EVENT ITSELF wasn’t enough.
Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig
Miss Hancock comes out before we get going because they’re not even letting the matches start before getting to the angle. Stasiak starts punching in the corner as Hancock takes notes. They slug it out on the floor and Madden takes a bottle of water to the face. Back in and Hancock plays with her pen as Hennig knees Stasiak in the chest. There goes the referee and Curt hooks the HennigPlex. No count so Stasiak gets a foreign object to knock Curt silly, setting up a layout F5 (the Perfect Plant) for the pin.
Rating: D-. This is a good example of everything that is wrong with the way Russo books the shows. Last week Stasiak debuted and attacked Hennig, setting up this match. The ending gives them a reason to continue their feud. However, we still don’t know why they’re fighting. Stasiak just showed up and started a feud, but given how lame the first match was, I really don’t want to see them fight again and with no story, why would I want to keep watching when they come on? It’s lazy booking and takes away the most important part of wrestling because Russo still doesn’t get it.
Stasiak starts stomping Curt down but we IMMEDIATELY cut to a camera inside a motorcade which brings Hogan, wearing a very 80s bandana, to the arena. Cops stop him but he stares them down and they step aside. Hogan comes in and beats up Stasiak before we take a break. Back with Hogan saying he’s heard all the fans talking about him and they’re sure that Hulkamania is going to live forever. His critics say he’s getting older, but so is every other wrestler in the back. He has a lot left to offer wrestling though (true) and he’s not leaving.
Right now though, if anyone wants to come out here and take his spot, come get it. You can mess with his character and his gimmick, but when you get to what Russo and Bischoff did last week, you’re messing with Terry Bollea. They tried to take food out of his kids’ mouth (how?), you’re messing with the wrong man. That brings him to Kidman, who has been whining and crying for years about all the promoters not using him right. Kidman and Torrie come up on screen with Kidman telling Hogan to come fight him right now. Hogan goes after them and the camera pans back to show Bischoff standing next to the Hummer.
Jarrett doesn’t care about Hogan and company because tonight there’s an open contract to any non-millionaire for a World Title shot tonight.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Wall
Funk is defending and hits Wall in the head with three chair shots to get it going. Wall will have none of that and knocks Funk to the floor with a chair shot of his own. It’s Funk’s turn again as he chairs Wall down some more, followed by a moonsault out to the floor. Well of course he did. I mean, his feet hit Wall in the head and he didn’t rotate all the way but he did a moonsault at fifty six years old.
Wall piledrives him on the table, which doesn’t break, but Funk barely sells it. With that not working, Wall breaks off a piece of barricade and crushes Terry’s head. They fight up to the entrance where Funk’s head is crushed over and over again in the door of a one person cage. Then a stack of tables falls on Wall, allowing Terry to cover him to retain.
Rating: D+. So after building Wall up for months, they have someone (who I doubt is ever going to be named) drop a pile of tables on him like something out of a screwball comedy so Terry Funk can pin him. To keep track of things, that means Sid and Funk are the two men to pin him. As usual, WCW sets someone up but the old guys are the ones that get to knock him back down.
Kronik (Brian Adams and Brian Clark, better known as Wrath) comes in to ask Russo when they’re on for their title match. Russo says whenever he says so but not tonight.
Someone signs Jarrett’s open contract but the camera panning over to see the signature is too much to ask.
Page is taking out Awesome and then coming for Bischoff.
Kronik beats up the Harris Twins and come to the ring to do the same to the Mamalukes. Adams grabs the mic and says the tag division is on notice now that they’ve shown up. Russo better hurry up with their title shot.
Here’s Vampiro with something to say. Sting knows nothing about pain and still knows nothing after last night. That was just a taste of what Sting had to go through, because Sting is being devoured at Slamboree. Cue Sting from the rafters with some ball bat shots and talk trash about learning from Flair and Luger. The Death Drop leaves Vampiro laying.
Hogan is still looking for Kidman.
Jarrett tells Russo to deal with the open contract. Russo says he’ll go fix him. Of course this is one of those backstage conversations where they never say what they’re talking about in a completely unnatural manner.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome
Page slugs away to start but Awesome runs the corner and back elbows Page in the jaw for two. After a few suplexes, Page gets sent to the floor and Awesome springboards to the top rope for a clothesline to the floor. Since this is WCW, the announcers are all “Oh. That was cool.”, before moving on to talking about the storyline. WCW really needed a JR who could act like a big spot was the most awesome thing he had ever seen and take a break from the same plot points over and over again. Awesome misses a charge into the barricade and gets chaired in the back. That goes nowhere so Kanyon runs in for the quick DQ.
Awesome loads Kanyon up for a powerbomb through a table but Nash comes through the crowd for a save. This would be the second time in about ten minutes where someone looked towards the stage but the other guy came up from behind. The Jackknife puts Mike through a table.
Russo tries to talk someone down but they’re behind a door. Another segment that doesn’t even try to look natural.
Tank Abbott is here and Madden freaks out.
Douglas and Bagwell are ready for their singles matches with Team Package at Slamboree. Shane wants Luger tonight so here’s Luger to agree to a match, with a stipulation that if Russo shows up, Team Package gets the titles. From a singles match.
Here’s Tank Abbott to call out Goldberg for the week. His victim this week is the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks, who gets dragged into the ring for a beating. One of Madden’s favorite hockey players (Bob Probert, the Blackhawks’ enforcer) gets in as well to help break it up.
Hogan gets a tip that Kidman is outside.
Jarrett and Russo bicker some more. Russo will get back to him with an idea of how to solve the problem.
Shane Douglas vs. Total Package
It’s Luger in control to start as he pounds away in the corner and kicks Shane in the ribs a few times. Shane comes back with choking but here’s Bagwell to keep Shane in control. Bagwell interferes and Douglas gets in a low blow, neither of which lead to a DQ because those don’t exist in WCW. A guy in a Sting mask hits Shane in the back with a ball bat and as everyone swears it’s Russo (because NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER DRESSED UP LIKE STING), it’s Flair, in his second costume of the night. The ball bat shot inside the ring counts for the DQ as it’s totally different than the one outside.
Rating: D-. Luger doesn’t work as a face or a heel these days, but what can you expect from someone who seemingly has no desire to do anything and has been using the same three or four moves for years now? Shane isn’t any help either as he’s never been anything great in the ring and is almost all talk.
Russo pulls Shane to the floor and shouts SCREW YOU FLAIR a few times. Again, I don’t think we’ve been told why Russo and Flair hate each other but they hate each other now and that’s all that is supposed to matter. Bagwell and Shane shout at Russo for not being here to save them. Yes, because the savior that two champion wrestlers need is a skinny guy from Brooklyn, not the rest of the New Blood.
Hogan finds Kidman but Torrie hits him in the back with a 2×4. Hulk chokes her up against a beam and pulls back to hit her but Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets thrown in the dumpster so Bischoff gets in the Hummer…..which won’t start. Bischoff runs, allowing Hogan to get in the Hummer and ram the dumpster. Yeah those seventeen years of building up Hogan’s character? Screw those. Let’s have him turn into a psycho who wants to punch women and uses cars to try to murder people. Oh wait: this is Terry Bollea so it’s fine. So the man behind the character is a woman beating attempted murderer. That makes it ok.
Kidman gets stretchered out.
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. ???
Oh well. No time to grieve. Instead we have to see the reveal of the mystery man as….Scott Steiner. So a day after the New Blood wins all of the important titles, we already have champion vs. champion and the team already fighting. Steiner gorilla presses Jarrett down to start but charges into a boot to the face. Jeff’s high cross body gets two but he gets caught in mid air, followed by a belly to belly for two. The sleeper is countered by a low blow and Steiner puts on the Recliner, drawing in Booker for the DQ. Booker: “You’re welcome punk.”
Rating: D. Another night, another match ending before it can get anywhere, though well done on having the World Champion look like he can be beaten in three and a half minutes. Booker coming in to redeem himself is one of the few things all night that made sense but it came at the end of another one of Russo’s overbooked shows, making it too late to matter.
Again we IMMEDIATELY jump off to see Hogan going after Bischoff with a pipe. Hogan chases him into the arena. A low blow drops Bischoff but here are Vince Russo and Bret Hart. Bret shoves Russo down and gets in the ring with a chair. He looks at both guys, pulls back the chair, and we’re done before we can see who he was aiming for.
Overall Rating: D. So that’s the first episode of Russo and Bischoff’s vision. Put simply, this isn’t very good. The story is pretty boring with the old guys going all psycho to protect their spots and the new generation being comprised of slightly less older guys who aren’t too interesting. People like Wall, Booker and Vampiro are regularly losing to the old guys or going out of their way to bow down to Russo and Bischoff, because they’re the stars of the show, along with Hogan of course.
On top of that, the show isn’t put together well either. This show had 18:32 of wrestling, or 13 seconds less than Ryback vs. Seth Rollins on Raw this past week. Three of the five matches ended in DQ, one ended with someone dropping tables onto the Wall and the other one had a ref bump and foreign object to set up the pin. This was of course after Russo and Bischoff’s 15+ minute speech to open the show with shots at JR for no real reason. Oh and don’t forget Hogan’s five or so segments.
It’s becoming clearer and clearer that Russo’s hype of change is a bunch of hot air. The show is still all about Hogan, the young guys are being treated like nothings (Buff Bagwell is a champion. You couldn’t put say, the Wall with Shane? One talks, the other is a monster. It’s kind of a proven formula you know?) and we have a massive heel stable. 1997 is here again, but unfortunately the audience isn’t back with them.
No Thunder this week. Not that WCW bothered to tell you that of course.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Spring Stampede 2000 (2015 Redo): But It’s A Different Shirt!
Spring Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
It’s the night of a million tournaments because TOURNAMENTS ARE AWESOME. The company was rebooted six days ago so all titles are vacant and Russo and Bischoff are here with their latest spray painting stable with the word New in the name. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page for the World Title because the one thing from the last few boring months that needs to stick around is Jarrett in the title scene. Let’s get to it.
A quick note: this show runs two hours and forty minutes with fourteen matches. Wrestlemania V had the same number of matches in about an hour more. You really shouldn’t be able to do that.
The opening video focuses on Bischoff/Russo vs. Flair/Hogan respectfully.
Bischoff has been told that Hogan is out of the hospital and coming here. Kidman isn’t worried because the Hummer can finish what they started. You mean Hogan can’t even sell BEING CRUSHED BY A CAR for a week?
Opening video showing clips of Russo and Bischoff. Good to know what matters here.
Tony says we’re starting a new era tonight. Didn’t we just do that Monday? And we don’t even get a night off from Madden after Tank Abbott beat him up? He looks fine too without even a neck brace. Bobby Heenan would be ashamed if he actually watched this show.
The announcers run down the card, which is a mystery to you if you didn’t watch Thunder. Also, the referees have been told to relax the disqualification rules. FROM WHAT??? The referees are already allowing low blows and interference. What are they allowing now? Wait don’t answer that. I don’t think I can sit through this show if I remember what Russo has coming.
Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals; Mamalukes vs. Team Package
Disco is out with the Mamalukes because their split has been erased. Just having the match isn’t enough though so let’s go backstage to Team Package. Flair is in street clothes because this is going to be a street fight. Makes sense I guess. The announcers talk about Hogan being in the hospital. Madden: “Well a hummer can wear you out.” Wait we’re still not ready to go because ten minutes of talking before the first match isn’t enough. Russo comes out to say two veterans vs. two rookies isn’t fair, so the Harris Twins are added to make it 4-2.
It’s a big brawl to start and Flair is knocked down just a few seconds in. The regular teams pair off to beat up a veteran each but the old guys fight back and Flair gets Johnny in the Figure Four. That goes nowhere though as Flair lets go, only so Vito can kick him in the face to take over again. The Twins boot Flair in the face for two before Don pummels him in the corner. Tony doesn’t know what happens if the four men win, though to be fair I doubt Russo does either. Flair gets slammed off the top but avoids an elbow.
The goons keep the referee from seeing a tag as this is getting dangerously close to being a wrestling match. The beating continues and here are two guys to take Disco away. That would be your angle that has nothing to do with the match and has a 50/50 chance of never being brought up again. Luger gets the tag and everything breaks down but Johnny comes off the top with a spinning clothesline for two. Not that it matters as Luger Racks him for the win a few seconds later.
Rating: D. This was a Nitro match with too much added to it. As usual, Russo is convinced that no one is capable of having a match without something going on as a bonus. It’s also not a good sign that we’re seventeen minutes into this show and they’ve already changed the card from what they announced on Thursday.
Mike Awesome has been added to the US Title tournament and can’t wait to beat the nine lives out of The Cat. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in to call Awesome a jabroni, earning himself a beatdown.
We recap Mancow (Chicago radio DJ) vs. Jimmy Hart. I’m not going to dignify this with a recap. Picture any low level celebrity vs. a manager story you’ve ever seen. That would be a small pool to pick from because this is a stupid idea.
Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart
Hart comes out in a Howard Stern shirt with Emory Hale as an enforcer. Mancow gets a good reaction and comes out with some nice looking women and a bunch of his radio show personalities. We hear a bit from Mancow about how he’s doing this for revenge and for Chicago. It’s a catfight to start but a Hale distraction lets Hart get in a low blow. Madden: “This is utter nonsense.” Jimmy goes up but Mancow pulls the referee in the way, allowing Hale to come in and gorilla press Mancow onto his entourage. There’s no referee though so Mancow hits Hart with a chair for the pin.
Counting the recap, this got seven minutes. The whole show can’t even get to two hours and forty five minutes and one match breaks ten minutes, but they had seven minutes to dedicate to a Howard Stern knockoff who was there for the live crowd. Welcome to the new WCW indeed.
Post match Kidman comes out and punches Hart again.
Russo yells at the Harris Twins and the Mamalukes before swinging a ball bat either because he’s manly or because he has deep rooted issues with his masculinity and has a fixation on phallic objects.
US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner
Scott comes out to Steinerized as the announcers speculate about Russo and Bischoff’s master plan. Of course there’s a master plan. There’s always a master plan. Steiner pounds Wall down into the corner but Wall does the same thing back to him. A low blow drops Steiner, but remember these matches have relaxed rules.
It’s time to start choking with Wall throwing Steiner around. They head outside and Wall sends him into the barricade (Hudson: “He almost threw him into Lake Michigan!” No Scott, he didn’t.) before getting a table. Steiner pokes him in the eye so Wall chokeslams the referee through the table instead, drawing a DQ from a second referee.
Rating: D. I have a feeling I’m going to be making a lot of the same complaints with this show. I’ll give them a point on this one: they kept Wall looking strong. He’s a big power lunkhead but he’s someone new and a potential monster. Steiner is still getting back from injury so this kind of a brawl probably suited him best.
The Cat babbles about James Brown and rednecks until Bam Bam Bigelow beats him down.
US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Cat vs. Mike Awesome
If there is any justice, the Cat will be squashed like a bug. Not like a cat of course because who would want to squash a cat? Well apparently Bigelow would as he attacked Cat in the back (off camera) and has taken Cat’s place. Fans: “ECW!” Awesome clotheslines Bigelow out to the floor and takes him down with a huge dive. People his size should not be able to do that.
Bigelow is knocked into the crowd so Mike dives over the barricade to take him down again. A good looking top rope clothesline gets two for Awesome as this is a clinic so far. Bigelow reverses a belly to back into a cross body for two. My goodness there are a lot empty seats across from the hard camera. The top rope headbutt looks to set up Greetings From Asbury Park but the Cat is back. Wait can you be back if you were never here in the first place? Bigelow gets superkicked to the floor and it’s dance time! Awesome takes Cat’s head off with a clothesline and the Awesome Splash is enough for the pin.
Rating: C-. I should have known better than to get my hopes up here. This was starting to get good so they had to send the Cat out there to turn it into a comedy thing. There’s a place for those kind of antics, but it’s not in the middle of what was turning into a good power match and our introduction to Mike Awesome, who looks like a star.
In a sign of the WCW way of thinking, instead of putting over Awesome as a monster, they talk about Cat dancing. The important stuff you know.
Russo tells Bischoff to chill out. Bischoff wants Kidman to do something instead of kissing Torrie.
Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas are ready for Harlem Heat and Shane whines about Flair of course.
Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell
Tony says Awesome was living up to his namesake in the last match. Name, namesake, whatever. I’m surprised he got that close. Say it with me: It’s a brawl to start. Stevie gets double teamed to start with the New Blood working on his arm. The swinging neckbreaker is enough for Buff’s wrestling quota so a quick double team puts him down. T. eats a back elbow in the corner though and a quick Vader Bomb gets two for Buff. The tag brings in Shane but it’s still 2-1. Everything breaks down and a quick Pittsburgh Plunge (which Shane let go, basically making it a suplex) gives Shane the pin on Stevie.
Harlem Heat yells at each other post match.
Booker T. says he’s New Blood but he doesn’t see eye to eye with Bischoff and Russo.
US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Booker T. vs. Sting
They seem more respectful here and Sting politely shoves him into the corner, followed by a hiptoss to put Booker down. Sting starts speeding things up and runs Booker down with some clotheslines. They head outside with Booker being sent hard into the barricade. Booker comes right back by dropping Sting face first onto the announcers’ table, which the announcers make sure to chalk up to the relaxed rules.
A chinlock keeps Sting in trouble and a fan will not stop with screaming for as long as he can. Booker’s knee to the ribs sets up the ax kick for two. Sting comes back with a DDT for two of his own as the announcers are dubbing this a classic about six minutes in. The Stinger Splash is broken with a boot to the ribs but his suplex is countered into the Scorpion Death Drop to send Sting to the semi-finals.
Rating: C+. If this is WCW’s definition of a masterpiece and a classic, they’re in big trouble. It’s a good match but there’s only so much you can do in less than seven minutes. Maybe they could have done more of this if not for Mancow and having everything else tonight, since having any of the preliminaries on Nitro or Thunder would have been heresy.
Booker calls Sting back inside for a fist bump.
Kidman is ready for Hogan if he comes back tonight.
US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Vampiro vs. Kidman
The winner gets Sting, who Tony says “gave every ounce of his soul in that last match.” IT WAS A SIX AND A HALF MINUTE MATCH! And about a minute of that was a chinlock! Hopefully this one gets some more time. Vampiro starts fast with a clothesline and release suplex, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. Kidman’s comeback is countered by a sweet running release powerbomb. Add Vampiro to the list of those who can powerbomb Kidman.
The second powerbomb is countered into the faceplant. Madden: “We could have been seeing matches like this one years ago.” This is their fourth televised match this year alone, not counting a three way they had with the Wall a few weeks back. Add that to the list of stupid things said on this show. Kidman gets two off a side slam but Vampiro grabs a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam, which to be fair is pretty much the same thing) to come back. We go to an overhead camera for no apparent reason and Vampiro grabs an armbar.
That’s enough back and forth action so let’s show Hogan arriving in a 1968 Dodge Charger. Kidman is terrified. I would be too if I could see images of Hogan before he’s actually in the arena. Hogan takes him to the floor and beats Kidman up, sends him into the post and throws the steps at him. A choke throw sends Kidman bouncing off the table and then a regular slam puts him through it. Back in and Vampiro gets the pin. Hogan beat him up for two minutes straight and that’s still covered under relaxed rules???
Rating: D+. This was a moment that brought me back to the days after Starrcade 1999 when Russo turned Nitro into a drama with wrestling involved. It started off as a match but once you have a two minute beatdown in plain sight of the referee, it stops being a match and becomes an angle.
Wrestling is supposed to be about angles setting up matches. With Russo, it was angles to set up more angles. This whole thing, which still hasn’t been explained in detail on TV, has only been going on six days and has seen two beatdowns and attempted murder. Where do you go from here? A bad match? In theory yeah but how big of a letdown is that going to feel like after all of this stuff?
There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, but this is backwards and leading up to a big letdown because they’re already done all their big stuff. In other words, Russo is a horrible booker who has screwed up what could have been a big story because he can’t wait to build up a story and has to do everything at once.
Oh and just to show how stupid WCW commentators were, direct quote from Tony: “You can’t disqualify him. He didn’t come in to help Vampiro.” HE BEAT KIDMAN UP FOR TWO MINUTES STRAIGHT AND SLAMMED HIM THROUGH A TABLE!!! That’s one of those lines that is so dumb there’s nothing to make fun of. The line itself is the joke.
Hogan says he’s coming for Bischoff.
Russo leaves Bischoff alone, promising to deal with Hogan.
Hogan storms through the back and……walks past the door with VINCE RUSSO AND ERIC BISCHOFF’S NAMES ON IT to open the door next to it. Add that to the list of things that the genius writers SHOULD HAVE THAT OF AND THROWN IN THE TRASH SO A MANIAC CAN’T COME IN AND KILL THEM. As a bonus, add it to the list of dumb things Hogan has done over the years. Hogan gets his hands around Bischoff’s neck so here are the cops with guns drawn for the save. You know, I’m kind of surprised Russo never had anyone get shot on one of his shows. If nothing else he could have made a “now THAT was a shoot” joke later on.
We cut to the arena and come back with Hogan being arrested by promising to be at Nitro. So yeah, this was all a way to set up a TV story. As this is going on, Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that Norman Smiley is waiting for him in catering to start the Hardcore Title match.
Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk
Terry finds him in the bathroom because where else would you find him. They fight out of the bathroom and it’s already fire extinguisher time. Norman is thrown into a bunch of Diet Coke cans as they head into the kitchen. A trashcan to the head puts Terry in trouble and it’s time for an INDUSTRIAL SIZE cookie sheets to the head. Again, I’d assume Tony meant industrial STRENGTH but Tony has become the wrestling version of Ted Baxter (for you old TV fans out there).
Norman climbs a ladder to get into the plumbing but Funk chairs him down and through a table full of cookies. Some chairs to the head have no effect on Terry so Norman chairs him even more on the way into the arena. They get inside and Norman channels his inner Cat by dancing, but at least it makes more sense here.
Norman actually tries the spanking dance and as you might expect, Funk isn’t pleased and caves Norman’s head in with a few chair shots. It’s ladder time but Dustin Rhodes makes the save and piledrives Terry on a chair. Funk kicks the chair into Dustin’s head though, knocking him into the ladder. A ladder shot to Norman’s face gives Terry the title.
Rating: C-. Yeah it was fine but this this might have been the longest hardcore match of all time at eight minutes. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s all you can really ask for on a show like this. In a different vein though, the Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk feud needs to stop. As far as I can remember, they’re fighting over whether Dustin is a bigger chicken than his dad, who isn’t even with this company. Why is this going on for three months?
If you ordered this show, you can get a MOUSEPAD! Tony: “That’s right. A mousepad.”
Russo tells Booker he’ll forgive him for what he did with Sting if he does a favor now. Madden rants about the handshake with Sting. It was a fist bump but I’d assume Madden was too busy finding stupid jokes to watch the show anyway.
US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner
Steiner takes him down with a nice amateur move, followed by the bicep curl elbow. We pause for push-ups and Mike bails to the apron for a slingshot clothesline to take over. A top rope clothesline gets two so Steiner kicks him low. Hudson brings up the valid question of how far do relaxed rules go. Not that it matters as we’ve got Kevin Nash with a crutch to knock Awesome off the top, setting up the Steiner Recliner to send Steiner to the finals.
Rating: D. Three minutes, a low blow and interference means it’s already time for Awesome to give up to a veteran in just two minutes. I get the idea of pushing Steiner but at the same time I’m not wild on having a newcomer lose this quickly. Then again, that might mean actually pushing someone new instead of giving some newcomer lip service that they’re getting a push.
Russo fires Dustin Rhodes for letting Funk win the Hardcore Title. Russo takes credit for Goldust, which is the only time Rhodes was ever worth anything.
US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Vampiro
Vampiro jumps him during the entrance but Sting no sells his offense and punches Vampiro right back. We get the brawling on the floor out of the way as the announcers talk about Sting’s new intensity since the new regime took over. You know, in the six days and about fifteen minutes of wrestling he’s done. A top rope splash gets two for Sting and they fight outside where the Splash hits barricade.
Vampiro kicks him in the face and drops a leg for two as a wrestling match has broken out. Sting pops up after a slam and they kind of botch what I think was supposed to be Vampiro jumping off the top but getting caught in a powerbomb. Instead it came off like he tried a diving hurricanrana but got spinebustered. Either way it wasn’t good looking but it sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock to send Sting on to the finals.
Rating: D+. This is another match that happened tonight and there’s really no reason to see these two fight anymore, though I’m sure they will because Vampiro is creepy or whatever. Sting being involved in the two clean finishes of the night makes sense but I wouldn’t mind these matches having more time for a change. Six minutes shouldn’t be on the longer side of the matches in a night.
Page says he’ll win.
Cruiserweight Title: Shannon Moore vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Crowbar vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist vs. Lash Leroux
The title is vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Oh and we can’t get a second match to break ten minutes but we can have a 3 Count performance. Make that TWO performances as they actually have to fill in time on a show with matches these short. Thankfully everyone else charges to the ring so we don’t spend another five minutes on entrances.
It’s insanity to start and I’m sure Daffney and Helms are going to get involved. There are tags required here and Crowbar gets an early two on Candido via a northern lights suplex. The Whiplash gets two on Crowbar (just called a signature move by Tony. Not Whiplash or anything but at least he knew it was a signature more) but Juvy flips out of the same move and scores with the Juvy Driver. Everything breaks down and Daffney hurricanranas Crowbar by mistake.
Lash dives on Crowbar but takes out Daffney as well. A big series of dives leaves Candido with Helms, but David Flair comes in to dance. Artist crotches Candido (by shaking one of the ropes he wasn’t standing on) but gets thrown off, only to have Candido miss the swan dive. You can see Crowbar powerbombing Juvy but that’s not important enough to feature. Artist hits an Angle Slam (not a Samoan drop) but here’s the debuting Tammy Lynn Sytch to pull Artist off the top, giving Candido the pin.
Rating: C-. So 3 Count can dance for about two and a half minutes but the match can’t even get 5:15? I’m not sure if this was good or not because the match was another mess with no flow or idea behind it other than “get everyone’s stuff in because we don’t have time to do anything else.” Candido winning is a good choice though as he’s not your standard high flier but can actually have an entertaining match, unlike Artist.
Paisley and Tammy have a catfight post match. Shannon breaks it up and gets his crotch grabbed.
We’ve got three weeks until the next pay per view. Sweet goodness calm down people.
Jarrett says he’ll win because he has everyone in his corner.
Tag Team Titles: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell
Flair is still in street clothes and Russo is out with Bagwell/Douglas to do commentary. Bagwell offers Luger a handshake to start but for once Luger is smart enough to not go for it. It’s time for a pose off, followed by Luger’s standard offensive sequence to take over. Shane comes in and beats Luger down, only to have Flair come in for some revenge. Hudson drops the Dynamic Dude moniker but it’s off to Buff for some right hands and a backdrop.
We hit the chinlock on Flair with Luger trying to make the save, allowing Shane to come in sans tag. Like it matters that the referee didn’t see it anyway. Shane punches Flair a lot and we get half a Flair Flip in the corner. Some F Bombs mess with the censor’s minds but Luger gets in a clothesline from the apron to give Flair a breather. Lex gets to come in for his clotheslines, including the fabled double clothesline. It’s like two at once!
Shane gets caught in the Figure Four but Buff hits Luger low and makes the save. The Blockbuster takes Shane down by mistake but Russo pulls the referee out. Now freaking Kronik debut for High Times on Luger, giving Bagwell the pin and the titles with Russo counting the pin.
Rating: D. How are you enjoying the Russo Show this evening? That’s all this show has been about: pushing Vince Russo as a featured player in a major wrestling promotion because he’s in charge and gets to do whatever he wants and feel important. Lame match again, mainly because Shane isn’t interesting in the ring.
Steiner says he’ll win.
Sting says he’ll win.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sting
So…..I think Sting is the heel here? It’s really not clear. Steiner hammers him down but gets dropkicked out to the floor, allowing Sting to get in a dive. Sting’s top rope splash hits knees though and Steiner drops him with a gorilla press. Back up and Sting breaks up a superplex, only to have the Stinger Splash hit the referee. We’re still not done yet though as Vampiro pops up through the ring and pulls Sting underneath. Sting comes out with a bloody mouth, which is described as covered in blood, setting up the Recliner to give Steiner the title.
Rating: D-. Notice that all of the New Blood guys winning here are veterans? Like I said, it’s because this whole “let’s push the young guys” is lip service and you could tell by watching for five minutes. This was another bad match to add to the pile with Russo making sure to put in everything he could to every match and making the action a backdrop to whatever is supposed to lead up to the next angle. It’s a never ending cycle and Russo never saw why that was a problem because Russo doesn’t get how wrestling works.
We recap Monday, which is another way to feature Russo. They throw in the World Title tournament stuff to try to make it sound interesting.
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Kimberly is here with Page, more or less guaranteeing a swerve. They start fast by trading some big shots until Page’s jumping tornado DDT gets two. Kimberly gets in a slap on the floor and the fight goes into the crowd, which only shows off all the empty seats. Page gets the better of it and they finally get off the wide shot and show them coming back to ringside.
Jeff uses Kimberly as a shield but still gets sunset flipped for two. He’s still able to crotch Page on top though, setting up a superplex. Instead of covering like a wrestler should, Jarrett brings in a chair as Tony starts talking about the WWF for some reason. The match slows down until Page avoids a charge in the corner and hits a good looking sitout powerbomb for two.
We’ve got Bischoff in the aisle because this match hasn’t been entertaining enough. They head outside with Jeff using various things fans hand him, including Page’s book, as they’re now ripping off ECW. Kimberly saves Page from getting crotched on the post (Madden: “Get away you scurvy wench.”) and Jeff gets crotched instead. The Diamond Cutter misses and the referee goes down. Again. A belt shot gets two on Page so it’s Figure Four time. Kimberly has the guitar and just get to the screwjob already.
Page gets to the rope after about a minute and a half and gets a pair of near falls off some rollups. Back up and Jeff dives into a swinging Rock Bottom and it’s sleeper, sleeper, belly to back suplex. Bischoff tries to interfere and there’s the Diamond Cutter but Kimberly comes in with the guitar and hits Page (I’m too tired to even make fun of it at this point) to give Jeff the title. At least the fans popped for the swerve.
Rating: C+. Match of the night here which could have been better had they swapped the participants in the last two matches. Page vs. Jarrett sounds like a US Title match and Steiner vs. Sting could be a World Title match under the right circumstances. This match worked better because it had time and because the people in the match know how to work well enough to get around the lame booking ideas.
The New World Order (yeah it’s the same thing, down to most of the members) celebrates to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. I know I’m supposed to yell about how bad this was but there’s a problem: I barely remember anything on this show five minutes after it wrapped up. This show was about two months of TV crammed into two hours and forty minutes. Save for the main event, nothing had time to go anywhere and nothing had time to develop because we had to get in all of Russo’s segments (how many were there? Eight or so?) and all of the other shenanigans, yet the show was only two hours and forty minutes.
The show stayed so short by following a simple idea: don’t let them wrestle. Of the fourteen matches, one of them broke nine minutes. I’ve covered the lame booking and Russo not knowing how to run a wrestling show to death and I’m sure I’ll get to it more in the future, but this show was such a total overload. There’s WAY too much on here to know if anything was really good or not and the little bit that does stick out is quickly forgotten for the sake of whatever else Russo has to throw out there.
The main thing that stood out here was how they’re not even hiding what they’re doing here. It’s another big NWO style superstable with the evil bosses in charge, but you pick JEFF JARRETT as the focal point? I know Russo has always been a fan but good grief you have Scott Steiner right there and you go with Jarrett? The idea of the youth movement is fine, but like I said earlier: the only champion who is actually young (or at least didn’t feel like a veteran) here is Candido, who had years of experience of his own. It’s a youth movement with people who aren’t actually young and WCW hopes we can’t figure it out.
I can’t say it’s the worst show I’ve ever seen, but most of this show’s problems are due to how much stuff it has going on. You can’t tell which way is up on this show (hint: look at the buyrate and go the other way), let alone have anything leave an impact on you. Russo never understood the idea of letting something breathe and it shows badly on something like this. The really bad times are coming, but this is much more about being too hectic for its own good and booking WAY too much into a show that should have been ten minutes longer with fewer matches packed in there.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Thunder – April 12, 2000 (2015 Redo): A Clip From Earlier In The Future
Thunder Date: April 12, 2000
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 3,118 Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone
Now this is the interesting show for me as Monday was all about setting up this new world. This show is the first time where we get to see how things are going to work under the Russo and Bischoff regime. I thought Monday’s show was a disaster so maybe things can pick up tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Monday, which still doesn’t explain why the Hummer is now white.
Russo and Bischoff arrived in a Porsche earlier today.
Opening sequence.
There’s a new set, which is just a big video screen instead of the old Thunder logo.
Tony welcomes us to the second show of the Russo/Bischoff Era. Something else about this: Russo and Bischoff are billed as writers, which would mean that there is probably a group of bosses above them. Instead though, all you hear about is how they’re running things now. As usual, the more you think about this story, the less sense it makes.
Here are Russo/Bischoff and the New Blood with Bischoff saying what a great night “last night” was. Bischoff gets right to the destruction of Hollywood Hogan with Kidman being very pleased with Monday’s results. Russo, with Flair’s watch around his neck on a chain, says the crowd is so loud that it reminds him of New York, but this town sucks. He keeps up the “last night was awesome” trend and proclaims himself the bat man of WCW due to knocking out Flair.
Shane says he’s been calling Flair out for years and now Ric has finally taken the bait. That right there is a better explanation than anything we got on Monday. Bischoff promises new champions across the board on Sunday. As for tonight, Jeff Jarrett and Diamond Dallas Page have the night off. Kimberly on the other hand is going to be in action against Madusa.
This brings out Page, who says he can deal with whatever problem Bischoff has with him anytime. Kimberly isn’t a part of it though and Page would love to fight Bischoff instead. Eric says not so fast because he’s more interested in seeing what Kimberly wears to the ring tonight. Page goes after him but Bam Bam Bigelow attacks from behind because Bam Bam Bigelow is New World Order. Yeah I know they’re calling it the New Blood but it’s the NWO. And not the Harris Twins version. The Millionaires Club comes in and it’s a huge fight until security breaks it up.
Tony actually tells us about some of Sunday’s card with a suicide six man elimination tag. What is suicidal about it? Nothing of course but alliteration is good. As for the Tag Team Titles, we’re having a tournament including the Mamalukes, Harlem Heat, Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas and Team Package.
There’s also going to be a tournament for the US Title. There are six unnamed men in the tournament so far with Sid and Sting facing three men in individual handicap matches for the final two spots. The Hardcore Title match will be determined later tonight. You can now say that WCW threw a pay per view card together in two and a half minutes, save for the World Title match, which was determined in about ten minutes of “action” on Monday.
Chris Candido/Juventud Guerrera/The Artist vs. Shannon Moore/Crowbar/Lash Leroux
These are the six men in the Cruiserweight Title match on Sunday. Shannon dives through the falling confetti to dropkick Artist and everyone comes into the ring, plus a beach ball thrown in by a fan. Candido powerbombs Lash down but we need to look at David Flair dancing in front of Paisley. Daffney literally gives him the hook (between the legs) to drag him away.
It’s off to Juvy for some right hands to Shannon as this is more coherent than I was expecting. Shannon comes back with a big Fameasser and brings in Crowbar, who drops himself on the mat a few times. A very spinning headscissors puts Crowbar on the floor where he has a quick fight with David due to reasons of insanity. Candido dives onto both of them as Tony admits there was no wrestling on Monday. Lash and Juvy follow with dives of their own until Shannon busts out a top rope Asai moonsault to put all of them down.
Shannon and Crowbar get in a fight (they’re teammates, but can you blame them for forgetting that in a match like this?), followed by Daffney taking Helms (not in the match) down with a hurricanrana. The Juvy Driver gets two on Crowbar and a double DDT puts him down again. Artist breaks up Candido’s (his partner) cover though, followed by Artist giving Candido the jumping DDT. Crowbar’s sitout gordbuster is enough to pin Candido.
Rating: B. Enjoy this one, as I don’t think you’re going to see anything close to this entertaining all night long. Or all month long more than likely. This was the kind of insanity that the division was lacking for so long with the Artist on top and it was nice to have a throwback to the good old days.
Page says Kimberly vs. Madusa isn’t happening but he’d love to bang Bigelow.
Russo and Bischoff come in to see Harlem Heat and ask them to take Sid out tonight. Why don’t they just write Sid out if the writers are all powerful? I guess this is supposed to be a real beatdown?
Ready to Rumble premiere video?
Curt Hennig jumps Shawn Stasiak.
Harlem Heat vs. Sid Vicious
This is Sid’s qualifying match. So did Russo and Bischoff think Harlem Heat was going to lay down for him when they wanted Sid taken out? Sid fights off Big T. and Stevie at first but stops to go after J. Biggs, allowing the two of them to totally miss a double bicycle kick. A double flapjack drops Sid again and Cash adds a splash for two. Tony: “THAT’S INCREDIBLE!” Booker comes in and attacks Harlem Heat, meaning him acting as a heel on Monday is already forgotten. The Millennium Bomb ends Stevie.
The Wall comes in with a chair and knocks out Sid. We cut to an annoyed Russo and Bischoff, with the latter coming out and giving the win to Harlem Heat via DQ. Therefore, Sid isn’t in the tournament. The announcers now tell us that it was a No DQ match, which really should have been mentioned earlier but I doubt they knew when the match started.
Jimmy Hart is looking for Bischoff.
Bischoff could be found in the New Blood locker room yelling at Booker.
Total Package vs. Shane Douglas
Luger has his music back and Shane fails at jumping him during the entrances. Page vs. Bigelow is confirmed for tonight as we continue the booking on the fly idea. Luger stomps him down but Shane grabs the belly to belly. In ECW it wins World Titles but here it’s a transitional move so Shane can get slammed off the top. They head outside with Luger hitting his clothesline (I’ll put the over under at four in this match) Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Shane to kick Luger low. Cue Flair to chop Shane and hit him low as well, setting up the Torture Rack for the win.
Rating: D+. So two weeks ago Luger and Flair were heels but now a story wide angle has turned them face. That comes off as lazy writing to me as I’m really having issues wanting to cheer for Luger for being an old rich guy who is putting in the same effort he has for years now. But at least he has his music back.
Bischoff blows Jimmy Hart off.
Later tonight it’s Flair vs. Buff Bagwell. If Luger interferes, Team Package is suspended for six months.
The announcer jabber for a bit before giving us a camera angle from inside Hogan’s limo when it was crushed by the Hummer. Thankfully they point out that it was a security camera, but unfortunately they don’t explain why it was pointed out the window. Hogan is going to be hospitalized for two weeks, meaning he gets to miss another major pay per view. That’s probably a good thing actually.
Jimmy Hart calls Bischoff out for an explanation of what he did to Hogan. Instead Kidman charges to the ring and beats Hart up. Jimmy gets a red NB spray painted on him for good measure.
Scott Steiner vs. Booker vs. The Wall vs. Vampiro vs. Kidman vs. The Cat
This is a Colorado Collision match between the six men already in the US Title tournament. Two men start and another is added every minute with pins or submissions for eliminations. Ignore the fact that these people are all stable mates, save for maybe Booker. Booker and Wall get things going with the big man getting kicked in the face a few times. The Book End sets up the ax kick and a Spinarooni but Wall pops up.
Cat comes in at about 55 seconds to kick Booker over the top, allowing Wall to chokeslam him through a table. Cat wants both guys counted out…..and that’s exactly what happens. With nothing left to do, Cat dances to fill in time. The camera goes wide to show the next entrant running down to the ring before realizing that it’s a medic to check on Booker.
Why Wall is down from chokeslamming someone isn’t clear but Steiner comes in to beat down the Cat. He actually fights back and drops Steiner as Kidman and Torrie come out, but Kidman doesn’t want to get in. Steiner suplexes Cat out of his shoes so Kidman can slide in and steal a pin. That’s fine with Steiner who drops him across the top rope. A belly to belly superplex eliminates Kidman and it’s Vampiro to complete the field. Sting runs in and gives Vampiro the Death Drop though, setting up the Recliner and the win for Steiner.
Rating: D. As usual, what started with an interesting idea gets bogged down by overbooking and allegedly cute ideas instead of letting them wrestle. You really shouldn’t have five people eliminated in less than six minutes, at least not if you want these guys to be taken seriously.
Team Package isn’t worried and Flair is still dressed in top fashion.
Kimberly vs. Madusa
Kimberly looks GREAT here, rocking some DX colors in what is probably an inside joke that no one but Bischoff and Russo get or find funny. Madusa shoves her down in the corner to start and asks why Kimberly wants to do this. Page quickly comes in and saves his wife before giving Madusa a pretty unnecessary Diamond Cutter. This was a thinly veiled excuse to have Kimberly in a tiny outfit.
This Week in WCW Motorsports.
Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Meng/Hugh Morrus vs. Terry Funk/Norman Smiley
Hardcore three way tag with the winning team facing off for the Hardcore Title on Sunday. I’ve heard worse ideas. Meng and Knobbs fight to the floor as Tony tries to keep track of the teams. There are three separate fights going on here and I’m not even going to try to call anything outside of high spots.
Morrus puts Smiley on a table near the stage but misses a dive and crashes instead. Meng and Knobbs go to the concession area for the normal food spots but Meng stops to spear a Goldberg cardboard cutout. Why a cardboard cutout was there isn’t clear but whatever. They fight outside with Knobbs being thrown over a balcony of unknown height. After a quick look at Funk and Finlay fighting at ringside, we see Smiley vs. Morrus in the back with Norman being slammed on concrete.
The announcers say this is about impressing Russo and Bischoff because titles mean nothing at this point. Norman gets thrown into the mouth of a tiger helmet, which I believe is a prop for the hockey team. Back in the arena, Finlay DDTs Funk on the exposed concrete. Funk shrugs it off and throws Fit through a table in the corner before piledriving him onto the broken wood. Cue Dustin Rhodes for Shattered Dreams on Funk. Dustin and Fit go outside to set up a table but here’s Norman Smiley to steal the pin on his own partner. Sure why not.
Rating: C+. As insane as this was and as dumb as the ending was (and as repetitive as this show has been with all the wild brawls and multi-man matches), this was actually entertaining. They made it feel like a wild fight instead of something calm and structured which is always appreciated. Good stuff here and I like the stipulation instead of just another tournament or six way match on Sunday.
The bosses tell the Villanos to destroy Sting.
We see a clip of Jeff Jarrett pretending to be a Villano and guitarring Sting from earlier in the future. Oh you don’t remember that happening? That’s because WCW screwed up the production and aired part of the show out of order. I thought I had a bad copy of the show but I looked up live reports from 2000 and it aired out of order on the original broadcast.
For all of the people who say it was a shame WCW went out of business (and I agree on some levels, especially for the wrestlers who worked hard but were stuck under a glass ceiling), this is the kind of thing its detractors point to. With all the money they had, no one could watch a two hour show and make sure it was in the right order? A college intern could do that and point out this kind of a mistake, but here it is on national TV, two days into their big reboot. There’s bad wrestling and writing, but this is pure incompetence.
So anyway, Jarrett is in the back with Gene and threatens to slap the liver spots off of him before he wins the title on Sunday.
David Arquette is here.
Ric Flair vs. Buff Bagwell
Flair is in street clothes. Bagwell hammers him down to start but Flair fires off chops in the corner. Tony talks about which teams the fans have aligned themselves with, which makes me wonder who I’m supposed to be cheering for. The old guys who hold down talent should be villains but the New Blood keep cheating and work for the evil bosses. Oh right: shades of gray. They fight to the floor and a fan dressed as Sting jumps the barricade and beats on Flair with a ball bat for the DQ.
Rating: D-. Yay for Russo getting a major spot instead of Vampiro, who was the one feuding with Flair before the reboot. That’s the power of writing the shows I guess, because we really don’t know much about Russo other than he’s few New York and likes the young guys. Why he’s going after Flair isn’t really clear but why let that stop him?
Sting vs. Los Villanos
Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nothing probably, because WCW just lets that kind of nonsense happen. Sting has to beat all three, unlike Sid earlier. He cleans house to start and pins two Villanos in about thirty seconds with a double Scorpion Death Drop. There goes the referee, allowing the remaining Villano to hit Sting low a few times. It’s guitar time and Villano unmasks as Jeff Jarrett. I’m not going to bother with the mock shock and awe because it’s too pathetic to make fun of. Cue Page with a Diamond Cutter, giving Sting the pin.
Rating: D. You could see Russo as Sting during this match, meaning they edited the show out of order. Why? The two matches airing in either order doesn’t change anything so why mess with it? My guess is someone meddling in something they had no business being involved in and causing this kind of screwup.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Bigelow stomps him down to start but Page throws him into the corner for rights and lefts. The discus lariat gets two on Bam Bam but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two. We hit the reverse chinlock before the top rope headbutt to the back gets two. An attempt at a Diamond Cutter is countered into a ref bump but Page avoids another headbutt. The Diamond Cutter connects on the second attempt but Bischoff comes out and stops his count at two. Cue Jarrett with the guitar to knock Page out. Tony: “This is not good for Page.”
Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. The psychology made sense as Bigelow (you know, the nearly fifteen year veteran who is now New Blood. I’d love to hear about him being held down) went after Page’s eternally injured ribs and back but the ending was very predictable, as always in this era.
Speaking of not good, David Arquette jumps the barricade and gets beaten up with security nowhere in sight. The Stroke puts Arquette down and here’s Kanyon to beat Jarrett up but Bischoff chairs him down. Page gets spray painted to end the show. They’re not even trying to hide the NWO stuff at this point.
Oh and no word on if Brian Knobbs died when he was backdropped off a balcony, possibly dropping thirty feet onto concrete. Bischoff’s run-in was more important.
Overall Rating: C+. If you ignore the horrible production error, the constant run-in finishes and all the sucking up to Russo and Bischoff, this was actually a heck of a show and the best Thunder in a long time. The wrestling was good to quite good and they basically put together the entire card for Sunday in one night. That’s quite the task but they pulled it off here. Not bad.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro – April 10, 2000: Kevin Nash Said It Best
Monday Nitro #235 Date: April 10, 2000
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,074 Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
It’s kind of hard to preview this show as it’s all about the company being reset. Russo and Bischoff are coming in to a bigger reception than Hogan back in 1994 because they’re writers and therefore more important than anything else. Since WCW is stupid, this is also the go home show for Spring Stampede, which has nothing set up so far. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Most of the roster is in and around the ring to start. More come out as this isn’t the most thrilling start. Jeff Jarrett gets to talk first because we’re just lucky that way. He came here to be the WCW World Champion but his master plan got derailed by some good old boys who couldn’t compete in his league. Jeff gets to the point and calls for the man himself: Vince Russo.
The Long Island accent with a Russo attached talks about making the WWF what it was before coming here to beat Vince McMahon at his own game. Within a few weeks, the new blood of WCW was making a change, but then the good old boy network kicked in. All the political BS in the back brought Russo down and all those people are sitting at home watching him now.
Then they decided that a change had to come and Russo was sent home. Even some of the wrestlers knew the change would suck. The Radicalz knew it and left. Scott Steiner knew it and got suspended. Well now the good old boys network is gone and it’s time for the young guys to rise. This brings out Bischoff and they hug, giving us the new power team. The good old boys network screwed both of them over with Bischoff listing Diamond Dallas Page, Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan in particular.
We see Sting, Luger, Sid and Page watching on a monitor in the back. Bischoff goes on about Hogan, even apologizing to everyone in the ring for how much trouble Hogan caused them. Now Bischoff wants to see the old guys so here they come. “What’s up Sid? No softball game?”
Page doesn’t know what Eric is smoking so Bischoff tells him to screw off. Bischoff takes credit for rebuilding Sting’s career as the announcers sound like they’re in awe of this. A level playing field where everyone has to earn their spot is promised but first Russo has something to say to Ric Flair. After promising to wipe Flair off the bottom of his shoe, Russo drops the bombshell: all titles are vacant.
The bored crowd chants for Goldberg as Sid says he won’t give up his title. Bischoff comes up to him and threatens the end of Sid’s career. “What’s the matter Sid? Can’t find your scissors?” Madden: “WOW!” The fans are silent so Bischoff repeats the line. Amazingly enough, the fans are still silent. Sid finally hands it over and Eric announces that all champions will be crowned at Spring Stampede.
That one part where Bischoff mentioned an inside reference and no one reacted sums up this show thing. This was a twenty minute segment made up almost entirely of insider stories and statements that went over the heads of probably 98% of the audience. What good old boys network is he talking about and how did they ruin what Russo had going on? Yeah I know what they’re talking about because it’s 2015 and this is all ancient history. How many people had any idea what they were talking about in 2000? Also of course ignore the fact that this is Russo yet AGAIN blaming everyone else for his ideas bombing.
This was a long segment to set up the new Russo and Bischoff regime and let them get in their shots at Vince and all of their other enemies (read as anyone else who has ever had a different idea) as the fans are left sitting there wondering what in the world is going on. Finally, it really doesn’t instill me with confidence when the new writers who are supposed to save the company are basically saying “yeah this is too complicated for us to fix so let’s just reset the whole thing instead of booking our way out of it.” That’s quite the opening impression.
Hogan arrives.
During the break, all the wrestlers in the ring left.
Sting and Hogan talk about what just happened and Sting says Bischoff might as well have just kicked Hogan between the legs. Sting: “I’m not ribbing you.”
WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Total Package
This isn’t a tournament for the title, but rather a tournament to face Jeff Jarrett for the title on Sunday. Page’s music stops halfway through his entrance and he has no pyro. Because he has to prove himself you see. Prove himself in the World Title tournament he’s already in that is.
Luger, as in the guy who was out most of last year and hasn’t had an important win since Halloween Havoc, doesn’t have music either as he comes to the ring as one of five potential World Title winners. It’s ten minutes after the promise of a level playing field and they’re already defying their own logic. In case you’re wondering, Page’s last major win would probably be……well also at Halloween Havoc.
The match starts slow with both guys looking like they’re in their 40s who are out there for a healthy paycheck. The announcers ignore the match to talk about Bischoff riding Hogan’s coattails in another argument that no common fan would care about. Luger stomps Page in the corner and chokes with a boot as Madden makes fun of Page as is his custom.
Some backbreakers have Page in trouble AND IT’S ANGLE TIME! Buff Bagwell comes out with full music and pyro to distract Luger, allowing Page to get in a low blow. Tony: “What’s going to happen next in this program? It’s only segment two!” Luger and his gonads of steel shrug off the low blow and Page gets powerslammed, only to have Buff go after Liz for a distraction. That would be the second distraction of the match and it allows Page to Diamond Cut Luger for the pin. He gets about half a second of music before they cut it off again.
Rating: D-. Oh man this show is going to SUCK. They had a four and a half minute match between two veterans who have to prove themselves and it took two distractions and a no sold low blow to put Luger down. This is going to be the old Russo idea of running an angle or three in every match because the fans are too stupid to just watch a match without some bonus entertainment to carry them through. Oh and great: we might even get Luger vs. Bagwell out of this. Again. For like the dozenth time.
Hogan can’t find Bischoff.
Hennig asks Russo why he isn’t in the World Title scene. Russo gives him Jarrett tonight and if he wins, he gets in the World Title match on Sunday. So there are officially three semi-final matches for two spots in a final? Now they’re ignoring the laws of numbers.
Here’s Tank Abbott to say he’s a shootfight and not a wrestler. Well we’ve known that for months but at least it’s confirmed. Tank came here for Goldberg and what a coincidence that Goldberg got hurt the week Tank arrived. Starting tonight, he’s going to beat up innocent bystanders until Goldberg comes back. First up: Mark Madden, who loses his shirt in the beating.
Jarrett tells Russo that it better be good.
Kidman tells Torrie he wants to do this.
Hogan is given directions to Bischoff’s office. These three scenes took a combined 15 seconds.
Hogan finds Bischoff and they talk in an office.
Here’s Kidman with a microphone. He feels like he’s been handed a get out of jail free card because he and the rest of the New Blood (of course it’s an official thing now) have been held down by the old guys. Kidman wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, who has been talking about him a lot lately. Hogan doesn’t have the heart and talent that Kidman have and it’s taken all those years of spotlight to give Hogan that grotesque orange tan. He calls Hogan out and wouldn’t you know it, Hogan is walking past a monitor in the back.
Hogan comes out and thankfully Hudson explains what the heck Kidman is talking about, because Kidman certainly didn’t go into details about it. Again: WCW assumes that all of the fans are on the internet reading everything. Hogan says Kidman gives the young guys in this business a bad name. He brings up Torrie and Kidman goes after him, which Tony declares as the world turning upside down.
They fight to the floor with Hogan getting the better of it (expected) and beating Kidman up even more back inside. Cue Bischoff with a chair. Hogan runs his hand over his eyebrow and gets hit with the chair, drawing blood right where his hand went over the eyebrow. I remember seeing that as a kid and yelling at my TV how fake it looked. Kidman gets a cover and pin with Bischoff counting the three, in what is probably the only time Hogan lays down for him, or anyone for that matter.
Ric Flair arrives.
Hogan wants Bischoff and Kidman and swears a lot.
Flair watches the opening segment in the back and comes to the ring. Ric talks about Russo growing up as a Flair fan (not likely in New York but whatever) and now he thinks Flair is old. In this town, Brian Griese (current Denver Broncos quarterback) throws a lot of touchdown passes but that doesn’t make fans forget about John Elway because in this town, Elway is the man. Flair was always great at throwing in the sports analogies and getting easy pops (not a bad thing) for them.
Bischoff has the guts to walk up to come to Ric face to face and he isn’t wasting money on attorneys again, so get out here right now. Instead Flair gets Scott Steiner, who calls Flair’s teeth crooked. All of the WWF’s current champions came from WCW (no, they didn’t) because Flair and company ran them off. Steiner puts in some fake teeth to do a Flair impression, allowing Shane Douglas to return and attack Flair.
Kevin Nash returns on crutches.
Bret Hart is in the crowd.
Flair is looking for Douglas.
As luck would have it, Douglas is with Gene, who gets more emotional than you’ll ever see him over what Shane just did. Douglas says that was the beginning of Flair’s road and he’s going to do whatever he wants.
WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sid Vicious vs. Sting
Now this would be the semi-finals to advance to the final for the final as opposed to the semi-final for the final. Got that? These guys get their music all the way to the ring because Russo and Bischoff have already forgotten that story. Sting sidesteps a charge to start and kicks Sid onto the turnbuckle, setting up a splash to send Sid outside. Sid comes back and mocks the crowd a bit as I had already forgotten he turned heel a few weeks ago. Back in and Sting’s splash hits knees (not feet as Tony calls them) to keep Sid in control.
A cobra clutch slam gets two before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Cue the Wall with a table and the referee gets put down. Sid powerbombs Sting (now the Millennium Bomb. I kind of dig that name actually) but gets chaired in the back. Wall chokeslams Sid through the table and that’s a countout because SID’S BODY LAYING ON A BROKEN TABLE isn’t enough to make the referee think anything is up.
Rating: D. These two have been having decent to good matches for eleven years and it took Vince Russo less than seven minutes (longest match of the night of course) to screw that up. Wall going after Sid could be one heck of a mess, but at least it’s another young guy getting a push against a veteran.
Here’s Ric Flair to challenge Shane Douglas for later tonight. Not next week, not at the pay per view, not at some point in the future. Tonight, because Russo doesn’t understand what it means to build to a match. That being said, Flair is the only person here who hasn’t sounded stupid. It’s almost like he knows what he’s doing.
Hogan is still on a rampage.
Back from a break and Hogan is still on a rampage and beats up Shannon Moore and Shane Helms for not knowing where Kidman is.
Clip of the Ready to Rumble premiere.
WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig
I guess this is a tournament match. I mean, the winner goes to the title match on Sunday so why not. They start brawling in the aisle despite no personal issue between the two of them. Curt takes him over to the announcers’ table for a beating before Jeff clotheslines him down inside. We get the Jarrett sleeper/suplex sequence but here’s the debuting Shawn Stasiak (formerly Meat in the WWF) to what sounds like Curt Hennig’s old Mr. Perfect music.
The distraction makes Hennig throw a wild back elbow which Jarrett ducks and the referee gets bumped. I can’t say it hit the referee because it didn’t come close but Little Naitch went down anyway. Stasiak comes in and mostly fails at lifting Hennig up for a fireman’s carry before dropping him in what can be most accurately described as a reverse F5. It was so botched that there’s really no describing the move. The Stroke gives Jeff the pin.
Rating: D+. For those of you counting, this is the third match that has ended as a result of someone interfering. It’s clear that WCW has decided they know what we want as wrestling fans and if we object we’re not giving them enough of a chance. The match could have been good had it been a match and not a punching fest, but these two are just wrestlers and no one would want to see that.
Hogan is storming through sky boxes to find Bischoff.
Nash tells someone to get here if they can.
Sting says he is loyalty and he’s coming after Russo’s golden boy on Sunday.
Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas
Both guys are in street clothes. They’re quickly on the floor with Ric firing off chops, followed by a low blow back inside. Hudson goes off about Douglas talking trash about Flair on the dirt sheets as Shane kicks Flair low. Cue Russo with a bat to hit Flair and that’s a DQ.
Russo steals Flair’s watch.
Here’s Kevin Nash, who immediately rips on the new bosses who are trying to be wrestlers and screw over some of the boys. He wants to know what happened to that sweet little wrestling show we had every Monday? Like, where is the Dog when you need him? Nash has been talking to Hall, who wants to come back soon. Neither Bischoff or Russo would be here if not for he and Hall, especially Russo who they had to save from Shawn Michaels over and over. This brings out the debuting and reigning ECW World Champion to beat Nash down. Awesome wants some of this opportunity that Russo and Bischoff are offering.
Hogan is on the phone in his limo and demanding Kidman soon. The Hummer (from last summer, now white instead of black) comes up and crushes the limo. Bischoff and Kidman get out and celebrate.
WCW World Title Tournament Final: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting
The winner gets Jarrett on Sunday so Jeff is on commentary. Page is thrown outside to start before a pair of Stinger Splashes put him down again. The Deathlock is broken up by an arm in the ropes and Page gets two off a belly to belly. Jarrett goes after Kimberly so Page head outside, allowing Vampiro to run in give Sting the Nail in the Coffin. A Diamond Cutter sends Page to Spring Stampede.
Rating: D. I’m almost done with this show. It’s almost over. If I can get through a few more minutes, this will finally be over. Then I can watch ANYTHING ELSE and see a different finish, because it’s clear that we’re going to be seeing a lot of the same things over and over again and it’s going to get more and more annoying every week. This was just a brief workout until the ending happened, as all the matches have been so far.
Jarrett swings the guitar at Page but hits Kimberly instead.
After a break, Jarrett comes out for the closing speech. He talks about six days before his destiny is fulfilled when he is finally crowned WCW World Champion. Cue Page to beat Jarrett down but Scott Steiner hits the ring to make it 2-1. Luger, now a face I guess, comes in to help Page but Bagwell, Vampiro and Wall came in. By George WE’VE GOT STABLE WARS!!! Sting’s save doesn’t work as Booker T. (yes T.) comes in to help the New Blood. The New Blood obliterates the Millionaire’s Club as Russo and Bischoff come out to watch. They go to leave but an angry Bret Hart is waiting for them to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a failure because they had an idea but that doesn’t mean it was a well executed idea. Nash summed it up best: what happened to the wrestling show? It’s very clear that under Russo and Bischoff, this has stopped being a wrestling show and is now just a poorly written drama.
The idea of having the youth vs. the old guys is solid, but when the stuff like “they have to earn their music and pyro” is literally forgotten fifteen minutes after it starts and the stories are almost all based around dirtsheets that wouldn’t be frequently read today, those stories are quickly forgotten. That’s Russo in a nutshell: yeah there are ideas there, but the ton of horrible stuff on top of them crush any positives.
Either way, this show was not good. It had a lot going on, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good show. Spring Stampede feels like it has the potential to be an even bigger disaster and I’m terrified to think what we might have to sit through in order to form Russo and Bischoff’s vision for WCW.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro – April 3, 2000: They Can’t Even Get History Right
Monday Nitro #234 Date: April 3, 2000
Location: Worcester Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 0
Hosts: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
There isn’t much to say here. WCW is being rebooted at the moment so this is a big recap show called the History of Money Nitro. In other words, they’re in a big arena, which I’m assuming they had to pay the full rent for and have no people involved. I’m assuming that means no revenue for this week, which is a fine way to open the new regime. Let’s get to it.
Madden and Schiavone are in an empty arena and say next week is a new beginning for WCW, which has pretty much sucked recently. Yeah when your lead announcers are saying the show is bad, you’re not in good shape. Russo is an ex-WWF writer and Bischoff was good once so maybe they can save us.
The first highlight video focuses on Hogan, including his in ring, ahem, abilities, and the celebrities he’s brought in over the years.
The hosts talk about Hogan’s signing leading to Nitro launching and how crazy people thought Bischoff was for going head to head with the WWF.
We look at the opening of the first episode with Tony talking about nervously walking around the Mall of America for three hours before the show started. We get some clips of Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Brian Pillman in the first match ever on the show. Amazingly enough it’s better than Hogan’s work.
More clips from the first show including Luger’s arrival, Flair vs. Sting and Hogan vs. Big Bubba.
Then the show expanded to two hours and the roster got bigger, which made Nitro cool. True.
Clip of the first two hour show with Scott Hall jumping the barricade. We get some clips of other stuff on that show and my goodness did Hall arrive just in time.
Video on the cruiserweights.
The hosts say that even at this point, the WWF was still way ahead. It was more even but it’s their show. Let them trash themselves if they want to.
Now on to the big idea: Hall and Nash. Ignore that we saw Hall five minutes ago. My one takeaway from this, over nineteen years later: play is still not an adjective.
Quick chat about the Hogan heel turn, with Madden saying Hulk didn’t want to do it. I would get on them for killing kayfabe even worse but A, it was already mostly dead and B, this is nothing compared to what Russo did.
LONG stretch of clips on the NWO’s rise to dominance and Sting trying to be the savior.
We open hour #2 with a package on the Nitro Girls. Why does this need history? They’re good looking women and WCW’s version of cheerleaders. What history is there to cover?
The hosts talk about the 100th episode with Luger winning the title, only to lose it five days later, making the whole thing a waste of time.
An hour and ten minutes into the show and they FINALLY talk about Goldberg, who was proof that Bischoff could create new stars. Create new stars, see the most obvious move in the world, same thing really.
Long video on Goldberg.
Talk of various celebrities who have appeared on Nitro.
The hosts move on to Nitro falling, which they basically attribute to Vince Russo and Bischoff having problems outside of his control, namely injuries. Now stay with me here: after talking about Bischoff being burned out and the company falling apart due to issues beyond his control, we move to Flair vs. Bischoff for control of the company. So is this supposed to be a real history or the storyline history? I know WCW wouldn’t know, but Heaven help us with Russo coming back to make it even more unclear.
Video of the awesome four World Title match way back in the spring.
Package on the Sting heel turn which bombed and all the ensuing mess.
Madden describes Crash TV and says it was working in WCW. Why Russo was fired so soon isn’t mentioned of course.
Package on some of Russo’s stuff from his first run.
The wrestlers’ comments on the new bosses coming in take us out.
Overall Rating: F. So let’s see: they don’t know if they’re talking history or storylines, they spend about 20 minutes of a two hour broadcast talking about the thing they’re trying to get over, and the rest of the time on history, which is going to mean nothing next week when the whole thing gets rebooted. All I know from this show is that WCW used to be cool, but then it all fell apart and that’s very sad as a wrestling fan.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Thunder – March 29, 2000: I’m Embarrassed By This Show
Thunder Date: March 29, 2000
Location: Astro Arena, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 5,727
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
This show is pretty much worthless given what’s coming in a few weeks. Therefore, it’s just another week of meaningless Thunder so at least it’s a regular show. The promotion is so dull at this point that there’s only so much they can do to make this last night before the reboot interesting. Let’s get to it.
By the way, of those 5,727, only 1,727 were paid. In the year 2000, Houston, Texas had a population of 1.9 million people. You should be able to draw 2,000 people if you hang a sign outside the building that says STAY CLEAR! RABID SQUIRREL OUTBREAK!
Opening sequence. The fact that Oklahoma is seen having a match in the video tells you all you need to know.
As soon as we’re in the arena, it’s time to talk about Russo and Bischoff. This is going to be a very long night.
Chris Candido vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Candido goes right after him to start as the announcers talk about Michael Modest’s win on Monday. A northern lights suplex gets two on Chavo but the referee gets knocked to the floor. Cue the Artist to nail Candido and Modest comes in to go after Chavo, only to eat a DDT. He doesn’t bother to sell it though as he has to hit a quick White Noise, setting up Candido’s top rope headbutt for the pin. This match didn’t break two minutes and had a ref bump and two run-ins. Oh yeah Russo is back.
They all brawl post match and Chavo dives onto Modest and Candido before chasing Artist to the back.
The announcers talk about Russo and Bischoff arriving soon. I should probably just copy that for later.
Recap of Nitro, focusing on Sting and Luger’s comedy brawling and Hogan vs. Wall.
Dustin Rhodes asks a horse statue what he should think about Russo and Bischoff arriving. A lot of wrestlers are asked about this throughout the night so I’m not going to bother saying what they’re talking about unless it’s something different.
Kidman gets the same treatment, minus the horse. Instead he talks about politics and elevating young talent to get the ratings back on top. I think I’d rather hear from the horse.
Some WCW people were at a charity basketball game. Nothing wrong with that.
Jim Duggan vs. Barbarian
Oh come on. Like, come on. I’m a Jim Duggan fan and I even had the foam 2×4 on my wall as a kid. I met him at Axxess last year and he was the nicest guy in the world. But I have absolutely no desire to see him wrestling in 2000, especially against someone like Barbarian. The worst part: this is probably going to get way more time and have a much cleaner finish than the first match. Duggan comes out in his janitor’s outfit with the TV Title on backwards (this is non-title because it’s only defended on Saturday Night) because Jim Duggan is TV Champion in the year 2000.
Duggan slugs away with his big right hands and a clothesline sends Barbarian out to the floor. Tenay hypes up a bunch of wrestlers telling us their thoughts on Russo and Bischoff returning throughout the night. This announcement came out two days ago on Nitro and I’m already numb to it. Tonight’s big draw is opinions on the new creative team? It’s like a dirt sheet got a TV deal and is running matches with whatever talent they could find, including these relics from the 1980s.
I mean, this match feels like it should be main eventing a legends of wrestling card at the county fair. It’s bad enough that I’m seeing a match that probably took place at a dozen house shows ten years ago, but now it’s the second match on Thunder in 2000 as Tenay promises more wrestlers discussing backstage politics, whatever that means to most wrestling fans.
I’m trying to get off of this and keep going with the match but I can’t wrap my head around how far this show and company has sunk. How is it possible that less than two years ago, Goldberg was the hottest thing the company has ever seen and now this is the best they can do? That really is impressive when you think about it.
Barbarian puts Duggan in a bearhug because what else is he going to do to him. Some shots to the head break Duggan out, because of all the things they don’t hold over here, they forget the racial stereotypes. Duggan finally bites the face to escape and now the right hands to the head work. The three point clothesline is countered with a boot to the face but Duggan shrugs it off, hits a horrible clothesline and drops the Old Glory knee for the pin.
Rating: F. I was right. It ran about four and a half minutes, or more than double the opener, and had a completely clean finish. The worst part is that the match actually had a story to it. A weak story but a story nonetheless. It’s the lack of any kind of caring for the match that makes it a failure, because there is no justification for these two to be out there on this stage.
Torrie Wilson thinks it can get them back on top of the ratings war.
Norman Smiley is glad Bischoff is back because he hired Norman in the first place and Russo got behind the Screaming Norman character. Yes character, because the stuff you see on camera is fake, but this interview is real.
The Cat vs. Dustin Rhodes
Aren’t these two both heels? Cat doesn’t want to hurt Dustin so here’s a replacement.
Mr. Jones vs. Dustin Rhodes
Yes it’s Dustin Rhodes vs. Virgil. Dustin is rightfully ticked off so he punches Jones a few times, bulldogs him, gets distracted by Cat, and takes a chair to the head from Terry Funk for the DQ.
Cat dances and does the James Brown cape thing, only to elbow Jones in the process.
Tank Abbott and Curt Hennig are in the positive camp.
Shannon Moore/Shane Helms vs. Los Fabulosos
If there is ANY justice in the world, this will be a 45 minute match. 3 Count performs before the match but Miss Hancock cuts them off. I really shouldn’t be conflicted about this but I’m not sure which I’d rather see. For some reason Tenay is stunned that Hancock is with Los Fabulosos. Evan is the one on the floor here. Los Fabulosos try a double sunset flip to start before double teaming Shannon. Evan unsuccessfully hits on Hancock (can’t blame a guy for trying) as Los Fabulosos have some miscommunication. King is hurricanranaed out to the floor but Evan isn’t ready for the double teaming. Instead, Dandy rolls Shane up for the pin.
Chavo thinks it could work.
The Cat hopes it means more TV time.
Here are Disco Inferno and the Mamalukes, with Disco saying that if the Mamalukes can beat Harlem Heat, they get a title shot. However, Vito isn’t happy. First off, they’re Paisans, not Mamalukes. Secondly, Disco isn’t doing anything for them, so until he learns how to manage them, they’re going to manage him. That starts with this match.
Disco Inferno vs. Tank Abbott
Tenay: “OH YEAH!” Disco faints but Tank picks him up for some slams and the big right hand ends this in less than a minute.
We’re five matches into this show and Duggan vs. Barbarian is still the longest match on the show by far.
One of the Twins likes the idea of a 1975 booking style in 2000. What does that even mean?
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker
Jeff is defending and lets the NWO girls stick around again. Booker hammers away to start and gets a quick two off a rollup. The ax kick is broken up by the Harris Twins though, which the referee somehow misses. Back in and the champ chokes on the ropes but crotches himself by mistake. You know, as opposed to those times where you intentionally crotch yourself.
Instead it’s time for the sleeper but Booker fights back because Jeff’s sleeper doesn’t have the best track record. Jeff gets crotched against the post and Booker scores with a missile dropkick. The Twins offer a distraction (because you can’t just not look at them) and Jeff gets in a belt shot for two. The referee goes down but Jeff’s middle rope guitar shot is caught in a Rock Bottom, only to have the Twins come in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. Well it beat Duggan and Barbarian. It was by thirteen seconds, but at least it did beat it. Of course it required two run-ins, a ref bump a belt shot and an attempted guitar shot before the interference to end the show, but it was longer than Duggan vs. Barbarian. Booker is getting closer but I don’t see anything good for him out of this new regime. Maybe he’ll tell us about it later!
Booker cleans house post match.
Miss Hancock, called Stacy, is happy with the returns.
Duggan thinks it could go well for him if they stop being prejudiced.
Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat
I think the winners get a title shot but it’s not clear if Disco was lying earlier. Vito and Stevie get things going but it’s quickly double teaming to put Stevie down. Johnny comes in to try a springboard but he gets kicked down to change control. Big T.’s spinebuster drops Johnny again as the announcers actually call the match for a change. Johnny’s spinning kick to the face sets up the hot tag to Vito so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Harlem Heat takes over again with Cash sending Johnny into the post on the floor. Cash comes in and the match is FINALLY thrown out.
Rating: D. Bad match here as the Mamalukes are now somehow one of the best teams in WCW. Now what do I mean by that? Are they better than the Jung Dragons or 3 Count? Probably not, but those teams are cruiserweights and therefore totally different than the regular tag teams. That’s one of those WCW things: people are put in slots and that’s where they are no matter what they do.
Vampiro is happy. He looks weird without paint on, but he’s happy with the new writers.
This Week in WCW Motorsports. You would think they would ask the driver about the new writers.
Shannon thinks it’s a plus.
Kidman vs. Ron Harris
Kidman gets a jobber entrance because of all the time spent on talking to wrestlers about writers. Kidman tries to speed things up but the wind from a missed big boot puts him down. Some right hands have little effect on Ron so Don low bridges Kidman out to the floor. A whip into the barricade keeps this match going because you need more Ron Harris in your life. Back in and a middle rope dropkick drops Ron and an awkward looking high cross body gets two. That’s enough though so here’s Don for the DQ.
Rating: D. So let me get this straight. They took a team like the Harris Brothers, who aren’t interesting, aren’t over, and aren’t very good and gave them the Tag Team Titles. What do they do next? Take away the one thing they have going for them (being twins in case you were trying to figure it out) and get rid of it for the sake of a lame fake injury angle. I know I say this company can’t get any dumber but they continue to astound me.
Shane Helms says yay and Johnny the Bull agrees.
Hardcore Title: The Dog vs. Brian Knobbs
Yes Dog is back and this time Billy Silverman has him on a leash. Brian is defending and brings out a dumpster full of weapons. Dog gets in a good trashcan lid shot but Knobbs sprays him with a fire extinguisher. They head outside with Dog being whipped into the barricade before it’s table time back inside. Knobbs charges into a boot but Dog bites instead of covering. Brian sends him through the table in the corner before a middle rope trashcan shot is enough to retain the title.
Rating: D. As usual, there’s nothing to this idea and the match was the same one we’ve seen Knobbs have for months. The worst part here is the Dog, which has to be one of the worst gimmicks of all time. Above all else with it though, it’s not even a complex character. It’s like wrestling as the Wolfman or putting the word Big before your name. There was clearly no effort put into this, but they somehow made it as stupid as it could possibly be. I mean THE GUY IS A DOG! How can they possibly think this is the best they can put on TV? These things astound me more and more every single week and my mind can’t handle much more.
Bagwell and Knobbs like the idea. Wait….has ANYONE been against the idea? For something that’s so controversial, the results have been nearly unanimous. They can’t even keep their storylines right with worked shoot promos.
Buff Bagwell vs. La Parka
The Skull Captain is in the hizz-ouse! He loses control of the mic again and starts talking even when the mic isn’t at his lips. The voice calls Buff lumpy and promises a beating as La Parka holds up a sign that says I’M SORRY. This is another good example of why WCW is so frustrating. The whole La Parka vs. the voice thing is actually a clever idea.
Unfortunately, he’s being fed to people like Tank Abbott who is still doing the same thing he was doing when he started or Buff Bagwell, who is doing the same thing since he became Buff Bagwell because La Parka isn’t a guy that can go anywhere, like say into the Cruiserweight Title picture over someone as boring as the Artist. Therefore he’s stuck working as hard as he can and getting nowhere while Buff stayed around WCW’s midcard despite being a jerk who never seemed to put in any effort.
La Parka punches and kicks before nailing a hard clothesline, only to get backdropped down. Probably out of frustration, La Parka hits him low and then drills Buff with a chop. An enziguri gets two as the announcers mostly ignore the match to talk about the Wall. La Parka goes up and mostly botches a split legged moonsault for two. A corkscrew moonsault misses (on purpose this time) and the Blockbuster gives Buff the pin.
Rating: D+. So yeah, the over and skilled guy gets to lose to the guy who has been here nine years and barely ever accomplished a thing because one of them has star potential. We’ll ignore the fact that Bagwell hasn’t actually lived up to any of that potential since he got to WCW but it’s still there so let’s keep giving him wins.
Ric Flair is asked his opinions and says he’ll need ten minutes on Nitro to get through them all.
The Wall vs. Vampiro
Wall throws the chair in but eats a Van Daminator to knock him to the floor. I’m not even going to bother to complain about the lack of a DQ. Vampiro dives to take Wall down but Wall drops him ribs first across the top rope. Back up and Wall punches the chair into Vampiro’s face before drawing out a table. Vampiro chairs Wall through the table though and that’s the DQ.
Wall gets up again and slugs it out with Vampiro but security breaks it up. The guys beat up security and slug it out as the show ends.
Overall Rating: E. As in embarrassed. WCW should be embarrassed for putting this on. I know that WCW isn’t known for having the best brain trust behind it, but I refuse to accept that anyone who works in wrestling can look at this show and think that it’s the best possible product they can put out there.
In about 82 minutes of TV time, we saw 11 matches, none of which broke five minutes. Now there are shows that can have short matches and make it work. The old WCW show did and NXT makes it work a lot of the time today. However, that idea doesn’t work when five of the eleven matches have clean finishes, assuming you count the hardcore match as a clean finish. Other than that, every match ended in a DQ or was thrown out. How is that good wrestling? How is that good television?
Oh but wait because there’s other stuff besides wrestling. I can go with that. 1997 Monday Night Raw had some horrible wrestling but the promos were so awesome that it was one of the best years the company ever had. What did we get for promos on this show? Sixteen soundbytes from wrestlers and a valet, saying they think the new writers can turn WCW around, basically saying “yeah we kind of suck right now.”
That’s Thunder this week. 11 matches, nothing over five minutes, five clean finishes (one of which was Tank Abbott over Disco Inferno in 50 seconds) and 16 quick promos all saying some version of the same thing. Any guesses as to what Smackdown aired the next night for the WWF’s mid week show? Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero and Rock vs. Kurt Angle. The oldest of those four at this point: Eddie Guerrero, age 32. In other words, not Jim Duggan vs. the Barbarian.
I’ve watched a lot of wrestling, including every Nitro, Thunder and Raw. I’ve sat through the old Herb Abrams UWF, Wrestling Society X and some flat out awful old school and indy shows. This show in particular got to me though, because it felt like the people producing it were laughing at wrestling fans and trying to insult them.
As bad as wrestling can get at times, you very rarely get the feeling that there isn’t at least some effort. Even in a company like TNA, it feels like they’re trying but just lost their way a long time ago. This show felt like WCW was saying “Those idiots are still watching. Let’s see how much they can take.” Then they sat back and laughed at the people who actually stuck with them because their salaries were guaranteed no matter how bad their product became.
This show was an embarrassment for WCW and wrestling fans in general. I feel sorry for the people who tried to make it work, because they’re fighting a battle that the people in power don’t want to win. The reboot is coming soon, but if this is what we’re going to have coming with it, things are going to get a lot sadder before they get better.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at: