Main Event – November 22, 2016: Please Let It Be Here To Stay
Main Event Date: November 22, 2016
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Tom Phillips, David Otunga
I’m hoping that being past Survivor Series isn’t going to change this show’s rather entertaining run. A lot of acts weren’t on Smackdown this week so it should be interesting to see what we get for original content. The tag teams almost all performed on the big show, which doesn’t leave me with the best options. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
We open with….Cathy Kelly in the studios. This isn’t going to be the normal Main Event is it?
We see the last few minutes of Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens on Monday.
Charlotte is thankful for all her peasants.
With the Gobbledy Gooker walking behind Kelly, she throws us to a clip from the Thanksgiving Smackdown from November 23, 2000 with William Regal ripping on Thanksgiving for being everything wrong with America. Cue the Rock, who is back home here in Fort Lauderdale. Rock sees nothing wrong with unbuttoning your pants after eating Thanksgiving dinner and thinks Regal is something censored. After telling Regal that it doesn’t matter if he’s being besmirched, Rock offers to stick a drumstick in a certain place to wrap this up. This was basically “I’m the Rock and I’m awesome.”
Package on Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg.
Here’s Goldberg’s opening speech from Monday.
Here’s Goldberg getting the full entrance to open things up. Goldberg thanks the fans for letting him be Goldberg again. He also thanks his wife and son for putting up with him and he got to be a star again one more time. Last night he ran into Stephanie McMahon who said he did have one more spear and Jackhammer in him (three spears and two Jackhammers if you’re counting) but the question is does he have one more title run left in him. The fans go NUTS over that prospect and Goldberg says he’s in the Royal Rumble.
Bayley is thankful for the hugs, her best friend Sasha Banks, being on Raw, her New Day sweater and all the fans. She’s just so freaking adorable.
Back to Prime Time Wrestling for Thanksgiving 1986 with Gorilla Monsoon on his own….and here’s Bobby Heenan as a pilgrim. Heenan, with a graphic listing him as John Smith, talks about planning a Thanksgiving party but Gorilla brings in a turkey named Tommy. Bobby (er…John) is quickly chased off.
Video on the debut of the Gobbledy Gooker, which I believe first aired on an episode of Countdown. After the video, Cathy keeps talking about the Gooker and you can still see him in the control room behind her.
Video on various Thanksgiving feasts over the years and their associated food fights.
Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi
Bliss gets in her face to start and can’t believe Naomi would shove her down. That earns her another takedown and Naomi grabs a front facelock. Bliss gets knocked to the floor and kicked in the face, only to have a trip take Naomi down as we take a break. Back with Bliss standing on the yellow/green hair before stomping away for a bit.
The moonsault double knees get two and we get Alexa’s crazy eyes. Alexa runs into some boots in the corner and we get the high speed comeback. Those dancing kicks set up a high crossbody for two on Bliss but she sends Naomi very hard into the buckle. A DDT sets up Twisted Bliss for the pin at 12:05.
Rating: C-. The crowd wasn’t all that interested but this was actually taped after Smackdown went off the air so there’s a good chance that a lot of the fans were leaving. I’d be curious to see if that’s the case going forward with the impending debut of 205 Live. Bliss is great at being a villain and has a ton of charisma but there’s only so much you can do in front of an uninterested crowd.
Overall Rating: B. I really, really hope this is how Main Event starts going as I had a great time with the old school segments. WWE has such an amazing video vault and it’s really annoying when they roll out the same handful of clips over and over without changing a thing.
You can do more than the same Gobbledy Gooker and various Survivor Series clips and that’s what they actually did here. Have some fun instead of just taking the easy way out over and over again. Hopefully this is how things keep going in the future because it was a lot of fun.
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NXT Results – November 9, 2016: Just Like Last Time
NXT Date: November 9, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
We’re about a week and a half away from Takeover: Toronto and that means we’re in the final drive to the big show. There’s a good chance we’re going to see the semifinals of the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic tonight but on top of that we’ll be seeing the contract signing for the NXT Title match between Shinsuke Nakamura and Samoa Joe. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
We go to the Performance Center to preview the two tournament matches tonight.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic: DIY vs. Authors of Pain
From Los Angeles. Ciampa and Akum start things off with Tommaso being thrown all over the place. Gargano comes in and gets the same treatment as everything breaks down. DIY cleans house with strikes to the face and a double clothesline as the Authors are knocked outside. A suicide dive doesn’t work for Gargano so Ciampa tries one of his own, only to have the Authors throw Johnny at Tommaso for a big crash as we take a break.
Back with Gargano in more trouble as Akum sends him head first into the buckle, leaving Johnny looking like he’s on another planet. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes things worse until Gargano grabs a DDT. The hot tag brings in Ciampa to clean house a bit and a German suplex sends Razar flying.
Razar is right back in though and gives Ciampa a Samoan drop while hitting a fall away slam on Gargano at the same time. Those are two full size men being thrown at the same time. THAT’S NOT NORMAL. DIY gets in their double strike but Ellering offers the distraction. It’s quite the distraction too as the Revival is able to sneak out from underneath the ring to lay out Gargano, leaving Ciampa to take the Last Chapter for the pin at 13:25.
Rating: B-. NXT never lets me down. I was worried that they were going to have one of these teams lose clean but since this is a promotion that makes sense, there was Revival to keep things from getting too over the top. The match was entertaining as well and it’s going to be DIY vs. Revival somewhere down the line, which is all they need to do.
Tye Dillinger is ticked off and wants to take out Bobby Roode in Dusty’s memory.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Semifinals: TM61 vs. Sanity
From Los Angeles again. Sanity jumps Thorn and Miller from behind to start and we take a break with TM61 in trouble before the opening bell. Back with Miller nowhere in sight as Thorn takes a beating from both monsters. Alexander does some weird dance before rubbing his forearm in Thorn’s face. Miller finally gets on the apron, only to be knocked right back to the floor. An errant uppercut takes out Wolfe though and the hot tag brings Miller in to clean house. Everything breaks down and Eric Young goes after Miller, only to have Thorn hit a quick dropkick into a rollup on Wolfe to advance at 6:42.
Rating: C. TM61 still has some work to do but I’m starting to get into them as a team. The problem is they’re having to compete with the Revival and DIY, who have turned this into an art form and are replacing American Alpha, who might have been even better. You could have penciled TM61 in as soon as the Authors won and there’s nothing wrong with that.
William Regal makes DIY vs. Revival for the Tag Team Titles in a 2/3 falls match at Takeover. I love that one of NXT’s biggest gimmick matches is to have more wrestling instead of some weapon or contraption.
Roode will prove that Dillinger is a perfect loser.
Ember Moon vs. Rachel Evers
That would be the former Rachel Ellering and I’m sure it’s no coincidence that she was trained by Lance Storm (real name Lance Evers). Ember offers a freaky smile to start and gets two off a rollup. Something like a nip up into a hurricanrana puts Evers down again, only to have her duck a springboard crossbody. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Ember pops up and clotheslines the heck out of Rachel. The Eclipse wraps Evers up at 3:13.
Rating: D+. Just a step above a squash here as Ember is definitely being groomed as the next challenger for Asuka, which is the best option NXT has. She’s just weird enough to throw Asuka off her game and that Eclipse is one of the best looking finishers I’ve seen in a long time. Good performance here, as is almost always the case for Moon.
Regal brings out Shinsuke Nakamura and Samoa Joe for the contract signing. The ring is full of security but Joe goes back to the entrance and sets up his own table and chair on the stage. Joe doesn’t think Regal is concerned with his safety so business will be conducted from up here.
Nakamura is some kind of rabid animal but Joe is the kind of man that can come to that ring and have him stretchered out at any time. Joe orders Regal to bring him the contract and the boss actually does so, allowing Joe to sign. The disgusted Regal brings the contract back to Nakamura, who beats up the security. One of the guards is powerbombed through the table and the contract is signed to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. I’m getting a bit tired of the tournament as we’ve done almost nothing but work on it for the last two weeks. NXT is usually a lot better at spacing something like that out but next week is the go home show, meaning we’re only going to get the big build to Toronto plus a few matches. I certainly wasn’t bored here but I saw all four of these teams last week, meaning this wasn’t the most interesting show in the world.
Results
Authors of Pain b. DIY – Last Chapter to Ciampa
TM61 b. Sanity – Rollup to Wolfe
Ember Moon b. Rachel Evers – Eclipse
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Monday Night Raw Date: May 6, 2002
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Maybe a new month will help things out a little bit. I know I say this every week but it almost can’t get worse than last week with Undertaker very slowly beating Hulk Hogan down because Hogan can barely move at this point in his career. The pay per view really can’t get here soon enough as I can’t imagine they’ll keep the title on Hogan any longer. Let’s get to it.
Oh and as of today: it’s WWE. I’ll put the over/under on mentions of the new name at 5000.
We open with…..gardening? An older woman chops up her bushes to get them into a perfect WWE logo, which she then lights on fire. The new tagline: Get the F Out. I actually like that as it gets straight to the point.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz
Jazz is defending, there are no disqualifications and Steven Richards is in the champ’s corner. The fans want puppies as Jazz sends Trish into the corner to start, only to miss a splash. Richards offers a distraction though and Trish’s rollup goes nowhere. JR says this is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Women’s Title and I think we’re all glad that name didn’t last.
Jazz throws her around with some butterfly suplexes for two, followed by the double chickenwing facebuster to send Lawler into hysterics. A Chick Kick and Stratusfaction has the champ beaten but Richards makes another save by superkicking Trish down to give Jazz the pin.
Rating: D. Was there a point to this that I don’t get? The No DQ stuff could have been forgotten with a simple referee distraction but to be fair I’d probably call that stupid. It might be easier to just have them do a regular match and scrap Richards as a whole but then we couldn’t do the following.
Bubba Ray Dudley with a Bubba Bomb, Raven with the Raven Effect, Justin Credible with a superkick, Crash Holly with a missile dropkick, Bubba with a trashcan shot and Trish stealing the title and a blinded Bubba (fire extinguisher) powerbombing Trish through a table so Richards can steal the pin gives us six Hardcore Title changes in about two minutes because old jokes are funnier when you do them for the third time in less than two months. Bubba takes Trish to the back because that makes up for powerbombing her through a table.
Here’s the NWO for a chat due to reasons of WE’RE TELLING YOU THEY WERE A GOOD IDEA AND YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT! Show lets us see him turning heel and joining the team in a big moment. Two years ago, he was in the main event of Wrestlemania while Austin was hurt. Now it’s 2002 and he spent Wrestlemania in a restaurant pretending to have a good time instead of being on the show. Last month he was in a preliminary match on Heat while Austin had a #1 contenders match. Show is a monster that no one can stop and now the NWO is even bigger.
This brings out Ric Flair to say he wishes he could have Big Show’s natural gifts but he’s a sixteen time World Champion because he didn’t whine and cry. It’s really more about when Flair didn’t cry but we’re not quite to that point yet. Flair tells Show to deal with it and announces the NWO vs. Bradshaw/Austin/Flair, which he already announced last week. Hall promises a history changing announcement for later tonight.
European Title: William Regal vs. Spike Dudley
Spike is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle due to Regal attacking him over the weekend. He’s ready to fight anyway and jumps on Regal’s back, earning himself a stomp to the foot and a slam onto the ropes. A simple leglock makes Spike tap in about 35 seconds. That would be two title changes in 40 seconds combined for this belt.
Regal beats Spike up even more after the match. D’Lo Brown of all people comes out for the save.
Flair rants to Arn Anderson in a nothing segment.
Booker T. goes to 7-11 for a Slurpee and is annoyed that there’s no Booker T. cup. He runs into Goldust in a Latrell Spreewell jersey with headphones around his neck. Goldust has followed him from his hotel (Booker: “YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME???”) and wants to talk strategy for their match tonight. Booker seems to agree but has to go. Goldust: “If you’ll let me have a drink of your Slurpee, I’ll let you have a bite of my weiner.” Booker responds as you would expect anyone to if he’s offered a bite of a hot dog. Funny stuff as always.
We look at Planet Stasiak costing Brock Lesnar and himself a tag match at Insurrextion over the weekend.
Flair finds an APA hat in the NWO dressing room. Bradshaw doesn’t seem like one to just leave his hat laying around.
Undertaker arrives and assigns someone to watch his bike.
The NWO is standing near the entrance, seemingly waiting on somebody.
Planet Stasiak vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock fires off the shoulders in the corner to start as we get the GOLDBERG chants. The spinebuster looks to finish but Heyman wants an example made. An F5 and a boot on the chest is enough for the easy pin. Another squash.
Hulk Hogan has stolen Undertaker’s motorcycle because Undertaker left the keys in the ignition.
GET THE F OUT! It’s the same thing as earlier as the company is still WWE about an hour later.
Here’s Hogan on the motorcycle to Undertaker’s music. I really could have gone my whole life without seeing Hulk Hogan coming out to Limp Bizkit. Hulk gets right to the point by calling Undertaker out for a fight and threatening his motorcycle to sweeten the pot a bit. Undertaker comes out and tells Hogan not to mess with the bike. Hogan isn’t impressed and swears a bit before turning the bike on. It moves a whole three feet before the engine stalls, leaving Undertaker to…..stand right there and not do a thing.
Hogan finally leaves the bike on the ramp and runs (work with me here) after Undertaker as we cut to the commentators. You can hear the engine revving as Hogan is apparently still out there trying to get the thing to work. Well done by JR and King to not die of laughter here. The chase is FINALLY on with Hogan driving the bike around backstage (had to do it as the pre-tape shows him on the bike backstage). He changes pace a bit by driving around even more, all while shouting for Undertaker.
Hogan eventually parks it in front of a semi truck and gets inside as we go to a break. Back with Hogan crushing the bike. You know, a month and a half ago he used a similar truck to crush an ambulance with Rock inside so this is real progress for him. This was WAY too long and I’m amazed that both guys didn’t just walk off the show when the bike stalled. What a sign indeed.
Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy vs. Booker T./Eddie Guerrero
Van Dam and Guerrero hit the mat to start with Rob monkey flipping him down but missing a kick to the face. Instead a faceplant out of an electric chair sends Eddie crawling over to the corner for the tag to Booker. More kicks have Mr. T. in trouble and it’s off to Jeff as things speed up again.
Booker finally gets in a shot on Hardy and it’s time for a face to be in peril. An elbow to the jaw sets up the Spinarooni for two (Lawler: “Dagnabbit.”) but Jeff comes back with a dropkick (totally missed) and the real hot tag brings in Van Dam. Everything breaks down again and Rolling Thunder gets two on Eddie. Cue Goldust for a failed distraction so a Swanton from Jeff and the Five Star from Rob can put Eddie away.
Rating: C+. These guys are becoming the lone bright spots on this show and it’s a bit disappointing to have them all in the same match. At least it was one of the better segments so far this week with a good looking ending. You certainly can’t fault Eddie for losing when he takes back to back finishers so he was even a bit protected in the loss.
Terri has challenged Molly to a swimsuit contest later tonight with a contest between pure and wholesome or what’s under her robe.
Flair and Anderson think Bradshaw has joined the NWO, guaranteeing that he hasn’t.
It’s time for the swimsuit contest and of course Lawler is in charge. Terri comes out and Lawler is praying for a thong. Molly brings a pair of flippers for more proper swimming attire (JR: “The Hilary Clinton of the WWF.”). Molly decides she’s going first and, after putting on her swimming cap, reveals a conservative one piece with a skirt. It looks like a figure skating costume, meaning it looks like what a lot of run of the mill women would wear to a pool every day.
Naturally Lawler and the crowd think it’s horrible and treat Molly like she’s wearing a full body suit with only her ankles showing. Terri reveals exactly what you would expect and wins because fans go for the orange skin with countable ribs look. Molly lays her out with a flipper in the only heelish thing she’s done in the entire segment.
Flair goes to Bradshaw’s locker room (Bradshaw has his own locker room?) and finds Kane’s mask, which X-Pac stole weeks ago.
After a break, Flair runs into Bradshaw and demands an explanation. Bradshaw says he’ll see Flair in the ring.
Undertaker finds his bike. Where in the world has he been for the last half hour? He tries to pull the bike out from under the truck and then stomps on the bike, likely thinking that floating out of the top of a casket after cutting a promo to a camera hanging from the lid wasn’t so bad after all. Undertaker leaves and Kevin Nash arrives for the surprise.
NWO vs. Ric Flair/Bradshaw/Steve Austin
Austin and X-Pac start and it’s a spinebuster each for X-Pac and Hall. Steve cleans house with right hands but can’t get a Stunner on Hall. Instead it’s off to the Big Show for some choking in the corner and a backdrop that sends Austin flying. You don’t see Austin in the air that often. Bradshaw tags himself in for the fall away slam on Hall as JR thinks there’s only one Kane mask in existence. You know, because they’re not sold at the merchandise stands.
Show comes back in and throws Bradshaw around “like a double cheeseburger.” Who throws double cheeseburgers around? I’ve never been to Oklahoma but are things really that different there? The bloody (thanks to some Big Show headbutts) Bradshaw is beaten down by all three NWOites with Show headbutting him into the bad corner. A big boot finally drops X-Pac and it’s Flair coming in with the chops.
Everything breaks down and Bradshaw’s Clotheslines lays out X-Pac but Big Show pulls him outside for a chokeslam through the announcers’ table. Austin finally goes after Show (which is the point of this whole thing) but has to Stun Hall and X-Pac at the same time. Some Big Show chops have Austin in trouble and he falls out to the floor. Austin actually goes aerial again with a middle rope Thesz press to put Show down but the Stunner is easily blocked and we get a ref bump.
A low blow sets up the Stunner but there’s no referee. Of course there isn’t because this hasn’t gone on long enough. Flair hits Austin with a chair to go full heel and destroys the knee to make things even worse. With Austin down, Flair makes himself and Big Show vs. Austin at the pay per view. Ric grabs a Figure Four as the match is a no contest.
Rating: D-. The length here is the big problem as this went on for over fifteen minutes and set up the most obvious ending they could have gone with after eliminating every other possible option. Taking out the fact that Nash was just a decoy and what else could it have been other than Flair turning heel? It makes sense, but it was really tiresome having to sit through the APA hat/Kane mask stuff earlier. Just WAY too long here though and it really dragged things down even further than they were before.
Overall Rating: F+. Raw is now beyond free fall and has hit the ground, exploding on impact. Other than the same four midcard guys having their regularly good matches (less than six minutes this week), I can’t think of a single thing on this show that isn’t either too short, boring, offensive or the pit of torture that is the main event.
Raw has had six shows since the Brand Split. Here are the main event matches/segments which go along with Hogan/HHH as World Champion:
Kane vs. X-Pac/Austin contract signing
Austin vs. Hall
Austin/Bradshaw vs. NWO/Undertaker
Austin/Big Show vs. NWO
Hogan vs. Regal/Undertaker beats Hogan down
Austin/Bradshaw/Flair vs. NWO
Here’s the thing: other than two major pops for Hogan, is there any reason that Austin isn’t in Hogan’s spot? Hogan has a long history with Hall, Nash and Flair while Austin has a long history with HHH and Undertaker. Much more importantly though, Austin may be a shell of his glory days but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan at this point. Hogan’s matches so far have been embarrassing while you could at least pencil in Austin for watchable at worst. Couple that with swapping the NWO out for ANYTHING else and this show is instantly better.
Raw is a disaster right now with two major angles being huge wastes of everyone’s time and it’s turned into one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a long time. I know people would get sick of the upcoming HHH and Shawn Michaels dominance but it puts this nonsense to shame. At least you could get a decent main event, which we haven’t gotten so far in six weeks.
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NXT Date: September 28, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
This is an interesting time for NXT as we’re still moving closer to Toronto but it’s still too early to really know a lot of the card. We do however have a new #1 contender to the Women’s Title in Liv Morgan, who Asuka agreed to face without seeming that worried about it. We’ve also got some cruiserweights around so maybe they’ll make an appearance tonight. Let’s get to it.
General Manager William Regal announces the second annual Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Tournament, comprised of sixteen teams with the finals coming in Toronto. First round matches begin next week.
Opening sequence. Total time taken on Then, Now and Forever plus Regal’s announcement: seventy two seconds.
Tye Dillinger vs. Angelo Dawkins
Dillinger does his cartwheel to start and says that’s a ten. He mocks Dawkins’ mixing bowl thing (Has that EVER been explained?) and avoids a spinning splash in the corner. A flying forearm and Russian legsweep set up the Tyebreaker for the pin on Dawkins at 2:25.
Post match here’s Bobby Roode to say that was……impressive. Roode came here to propose a tag team to enter the Dusty Classic. Dillinger shakes on it and Perfectly Glorious is formed. Graves: “HALLELUJAH!”
Connor’s Cure video.
Hideo Itami is ready to face an athlete like Lince Dorado, who has the heart Austin Aries is lacking. Maybe Aries needs to be put to sleep, again.
Ealy Brothers vs. Revival
Non-title and the Ealy Brothers are identical twins named Gabriel and Uriel. Actually never mind as here’s Samoa Joe to beat up the brothers. Revival slowly backs away and applauds Joe as they leave.
Joe puts this on Regal and gets in a few more shots on the twins for fun.
Dan Matha arrives next week.
Mandy Rose vs. Ember Moon
Rose actually hits a heck of a forearm to start but gets kicked in the ribs for her efforts. A springboard crossbody gets two and Mandy is already in big trouble. Something like an abdominal stretch slows Moon down and a clothesline gets two. A tilt-a-whirl into a facebuster (Dalton Castle’s Bang A Rang) gives Mandy another near fall but Ember sends her into the buckle, setting up the Eclipse for the pin on Mandy at 3:09.
Rating: C-. If Rose can dye her hair red, Eva Marie is out of a job. Mandy has a comparable look and can actually wrestle a coherent match, putting her light years ahead of Eva, whose whole gimmick is that she can’t even be trusted to actually, you know, wrestle. Moon is almost guaranteed to be the next big challenger to Asuka and that’s just fine.
Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa want to win the Dusty Classic and then get the Tag Team Titles from the Revival.
Authors of Pain vs. Jesus Yurnet/Jonathan Cruz
Yurnet is slightly better known as Mr. 450. The Authors go right after them to start and Cruz is gorilla pressed out to the floor. The Russian legsweep/clothesline wraps Cruz up at 1:10.
Post match Paul Ellering says the next chapter will bring pain and that is all we need to know.
Regal can’t get hold of Shinsuke Nakamura so he can’t give us an update. He can however tell us about some Dusty Classic teams, or at least he could if Blake and Murphy didn’t come in and start bickering some more. Regal tells them to go argue elsewhere.
Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Liv Morgan
Asuka is defending and we get dueling LET’S GO LIV/ASUKA’S GONNA KILL YOU chants. They lock up to start and Liv’s dropkick has no effect as Asuka takes her down and puts on something like the Rings of Saturn for the tap out at 55 seconds. This is EXACTLY what it should have been and is probably a record of some sort.
Asuka says no one is ready for her.
Next week: Cedric Alexander/Andrade Cien Almas vs. Revival in a first round Dusty Classic match.
Lince Dorado vs. Hideo Itami
They shake hands to start. Dorado misses an early charge into the corner but backflips away from one of Hideo’s kicks. A jumping knee to the back of Hideo’s neck doesn’t do much good as an even harder kick to the chest drops Dorado. Lince comes right back with a dropkick to send Itami outside, setting up an Asai moonsault to drive Itami onto the ramp.
Back from a break with Itami getting kicked again, only to get in the tornado DDT neck snap across the top. Dorado’s Tajiri handspring is almost countered into the GTS but Dorado reversed into a crucifix for two. Lince misses a shooting star press and that means it’s time for the running kicks. The GTS puts Dorado away at 10:22.
Rating: B. This summed up so many of the problems with the cruiserweight division in a ten minute match. First of all, it wouldn’t be a stretch to have Itami as a cruiserweight but because of who he generally fights, he’s a heavyweight. Even though he is a heavyweight though, he had issues dealing with Dorado here.
Ignoring that though, it’s not a big deal for the cruiserweight to be fighting the heavyweight. Over on Raw, so far at least, it’s been cruiserweights vs. cruiserweights and that’s almost all it can be. Once that stops, why should a cruiserweight go after their own title if they can fight for the heavyweight title? Now that we’ve seen people like Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor win the top titles in the company, it’s pretty ridiculous to have them fight over a weight class title. The match was good though as Itami has gotten a lot better since coming back.
Post match here’s Austin Aries to jump Itami but has to run away when Itami gets back up. Hideo tells him to get back in here to end the show.
Overall Rating: A-. As is so often the case, the wrestling wasn’t the point her. They managed to fit in five matches (and introduce a sixth) while also announcing a tournament and doing a run-in after the main event in fifty two minutes, including commercials. There’s something so fun about watching a show when they know exactly what they want to do and then go out and do it so well. This show is quick and easy to watch but also entertaining and well put together at the same time. You can feel the Ryan Ward effect on here and that’s a good thing.
Results
Tye Dillinger b. Angelo Dawkins – Tyebreaker
Ember Moon b. Mandy Rose – Eclipse
Authors of Pain b. Jesus Yurnet/Jonathan Cruz – Russian legsweep/clothesline combo to Cruz
Asuka b. Liv Morgan – Double armbar
Hideo Itami b. Lince Dorado – GTS
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Monday Night Raw Date: April 29, 2002
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
The question at this point is how bad can things get. The wrestling has been horrible but the stories have been some of the worst of all time with uninspired main eventers who look like they’re about to collapse from old age. Maybe things can start to pick up soon because it can’t get much worse. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Tonight: Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal. That’s one of those matches you never expect to see as Hogan almost never worked against anyone other than a main eventer.
Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Jeff Hardy
Eddie is defending and we hear about Lita breaking her neck in three places on the set of Dark Angel, which would keep her out of the ring for over a year. They start fast with Jeff grabbing an armdrag and his swinging sleeper drop for two. A quick trip to the floor lets the champ get his head together and it’s time to chop away in the corner. Eddie’s belly to back suplex looks to set up the slingshot hilo but Jeff is too annoyed at losing his bandana and rolls away.
Jeff scores with a superplex and starts hammering away in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Jeff gets crotched. JR: “That can’t feel good unless you’re wearing a couple of cups.” I think he means it makes it hurt less but JR often gets lost in his own talking. The Whisper in the Wind takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Eddie to get in a belt shot. The Frog Splash retains the title.
Rating: C+. Pretty good here but you could see that Jeff’s head wasn’t in it at this point. He was just doing his normal stuff and going through the motions while Eddie was doing whatever he could to keep the match together. The early days of his singles run weren’t great but when Jeff’s head was on straight, you can’t deny that the talent was there.
Recap of Austin vs. Flair and Big Show joining the NWO.
Austin arrives and asks where that lying no good SOB is. Production worker: “Mr. McMahon isn’t here tonight.” Austin: “I don’t mean that one!”
Here’s Austin in the ring to call out Flair. Austin starts drinking immediately and says he has a story for us. After some Beverly Hillbillies discussion to start the WHAT chants, Austin goes through the same stuff we just saw a video on a few minutes earlier. The WHAT chants keep going until Austin says he wants Big Show but calls Flair out right now.
Flair comes to the stage and says he had nothing to do with what happened last week (which gets a mini recap because we need to fill in time). Ric apologizes and says Big Show is in India tonight so we’ll get Austin/Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall/X-Pac with Flair as guest referee. The fans get where this is going immediately and seem interested, which is understandable as the promo was good but this is still leading to Austin/Bradshaw vs. the NWO. Austin promises violence if Flair tries anything.
That’s where this whole story falls apart: for reasons that aren’t clear, Austin is teaming up with Bradshaw to fight a bunch of washed up guys who are basically only there because WWE doesn’t want to admit that they were stupid hires. Of all the people on the roster, they picked Austin to fill this role? The company is DYING for star power right now and they’re using the biggest star of all time in this role? Is it any wonder why Austin was miserable around this time? It doesn’t fit and I don’t think anyone bought it in any form.
Booker T. is getting ready for his match when Goldust comes in. They won’t be teaming together tonight and Goldust feels like the loneliest person since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Goldust puts the blonde wig on Booker for luck. Booker: “If Big Bird and Spider-Man ever got busy, you would be the illegitimate lesbian.” I have no idea what that means but the delivery was more than funny enough to make it work.
Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam
Booker starts with some chops to the chest but gets kicked down for two. A quick powerbomb puts Rob in more trouble and it’s off to a chinlock. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder but here’s Goldust to watch. Goldust gets on the apron for no reason other than to get us to the finish, meaning a collision with Booker. The Five Star gives Rob the easy pin.
Rating: C. This was as good as you would expect Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam to be in about three minutes. See, that’s the thing: maybe they should let these two perfectly talented wrestlers go like, seven or eight minutes? Have we gotten a reason that can’t happen yet? Or maybe let one of them fight with/against Austin to make the main event a bit more interesting? Nah, let’s let them do three minute matches which do nothing for anyone.
Bradshaw says Big Show attacked him last week. Well duh.
Jazz is doing push-ups when Molly Holly comes up to ask if she’s crazy. Apparently Jazz is challenging Bubba Ray Dudley for the Hardcore Title. Jazz just walks away.
Planet Stasiak is ready for Brock Lesnar. His axis is a bit out of whack and Brock has a tattoo on his back but it pales in comparison to Planet Stasiak.
Brock Lesnar vs. Shawn Stasiak
Stasiak goes right after him to start and is promptly splattered with a spinebuster. Brock posts him a few times and an overhead belly to belly makes it even worse. The F5 and helicopter bomb put Shawn away in a hurry.
Flair asks Debra to put in the good word with Austin, earning himself a slap. I forgot how worthless Debra was around this time.
Undertaker interrupts Sgt. Slaughter’s phone call and wants him to deliver a message to Hulk Hogan: a call out is imminent. Didn’t we just do this SAME EXACT THING about forty five minutes ago?
NWO vs. Steve Austin/Bradshaw
Flair is guest referee. Bradshaw gets chopped in the corner to start so he comes right back with chops of his own. It’s off to Austin vs. Hall for the WHAT stomps and a clothesline for two. A hard whip sends X-Pac into the corner and it’s back to Bradshaw as this match is already dying just a few minutes in. X-Pac dropkicks the knee out and it’s time to start in on the leg.
Something like a powerbomb makes Bradshaw remember to sell the knee as the announcers debate how hard it is to be a referee. Austin gets the hot tag and the pop is so weak that I don’t even notice him coming in. That was STEVE AUSTIN getting such a weak pop. Everything breaks down and there’s the Stunner to X-Pac for the pin. X-Pac’s foot was on the ropes and Flair missed it again.
Rating: D-. This was sad. Like, actually sad. Somehow this feud has made the fans uninterested in seeing Steve Austin come into a match and clean house. If there is a single reason to have Austin wasted in this feud and not facing, I don’t know, HULK HOGAN FOR THE TITLE IN AN ACTUAL DREAM MATCH, I’ve yet to hear it. Yeah I know about both of them wanting to protect their legacies but either could be bought for a big enough check.
The NWO complains to Flair, who didn’t see the foot on the ropes again.
Here’s Undertaker to call Hogan out. He remembers Hogan’s first run (Wasn’t that the one with Showdown At Shea?) and the fans cheering for him over and over. None of that matters though because he beat Hogan back in the day. Now, if you listen to Hogan on the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, that’s the biggest sin in wrestling. You know, because you’re supposed to think Hogan won or something.
Undertaker takes credit for Hogan leaving the first time because Hogan was scared. Now he’s so scared that Undertaker will beat him again and it’s probably going to cost him the title to Chris Jericho on Smackdown. The crowd is just dying for this stuff and it’s getting worse with every word. Hogan comes out and doesn’t say anything as Undertaker keeps talking. Probably as bored as all of us are, Hogan punches Undertaker out to the floor to end this.
Hardcore Title: Jazz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
Bubba is defending and, in case you actually need this made clear, only his title is on the line. Before the match, Bubba basically says “yeah I’ll beat her up because that’s what I do to women.” Jazz is the heel in this if that wasn’t clear. Bubba puts her on the top rope and blows her a kiss. Then it’s time for dancing together, followed by Bubba dancing alone.
Jazz gets caught up in the fake test of strength so she kicks him low. Some weapon shots to the head have Bubba in trouble so he bites her below the belt. Bubba puts a trashcan over her head and does the Flip Flop and Fly, complete with the crotch thrusts. It’s table time but here’s Steven Richards with a guitar to knock Bubba out and steal the title.
Rating: F. So to recap: we had a bunch of dancing, a low blow, more dancing and then Steven Richards. So now we’re supposed to be all impressed with Jazz because we don’t need to actually give her a personality when we can have her kick men low. This was one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a long time (or maybe since two segments ago) and you have to imagine these things are going to keep happening over and over.
Richards and Jazz run off together. JR can’t believe this could happen because he doesn’t remember it happening five times this month alone. After a break, Jazz and Richards escape in a car.
Regal is watching Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling (I knew I liked him) and is surrounded by a bunch of Hogan merchandise. He really doesn’t understand this because it makes everyone look like a pillock. People should be praising him because he’s someone with class. He’s someone who speaks the Queen’s English. He’s someone who doesn’t end every sentence with the word BROTHER. “Gets on my bloody nerves.” Regal promises to use the power of the punch tonight.
Bradshaw and Austin are drinking beer when Flair comes in. The Texans still aren’t convinced Flair is honest so next week it’s the NWO vs. the three of them. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO KEEP GOING???
European Title: Goldust vs. Spike Dudley
Spike is defending. Goldust beats the champ into the corner to start and loads up Shattered Dreams. It’s fairly clear that he’s waiting around on something but nothing happens, so instead it’s time for more right hands. Another attempt at Shattered Dreams brings out Booker T. to attack, allowing the Dudley Dog to retain the title. Again: let this match go five minutes and maybe we can cut off some of the horrible stuff earlier in the show.
Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal
Non-title. Actually hang on because Regal would like to offer Hogan some tea. Hogan has a sip and spits it into Regal’s face to start the beating. Cue Undertaker as the match is thrown out before it starts.
Undertaker very slowly beats on Hogan who just lays around. Hogan is busted open as this just keeps going because Hogan couldn’t beat Regal up for a few minutes to cut down on some of this time. A chokeslam finally wraps this up to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Bring HHH back…..please. He might be a longer winded talker than most of the people here but at least you might be able to get an entertaining match out of him every now and then. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Austin is stuck in this AWFUL NWO story with freaking Bradshaw of all people because they need someone to put in there. I guess Booker T., Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam, Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley and William Regal are busy.
The first hour was much better with one of the longest matches on the show (less than seven minutes) between Hardy and Guerrero and Booker vs. Van Dam for all of three minutes but the focus shifted to the veterans and their stories to cripple the show for good. There are watchable elements on the show but they’re completely bogged down by the old guys who won’t go away. In other words, it’s Nitro.
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NXT Date: September 21, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips
Last week’s show saw Samoa Joe completely snap and destroy NXT Champion Shinsuke Nakamura, who was stretchered out of the arena as a result. That leaves no one to stop the rampaging monster, who is still scheduled to challenge Nakamura for the title down the line. Let’s get to it.
We get a long recap of Joe attacking Nakamura last week.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Samoa Joe with a piece of paper. Joe felt it was necessary for him to come out here and address last week’s altercation. Due to his actions, the NXT Champion is in a bad way. Joe has a copy of the official medical report, which lists off Nakamura’s multiple injuries, capped off by a grade two separated shoulder. Surgery is not required but he’s going to be out for six to twelve weeks.
Joe isn’t a patient man so he wants William Regal out here right now to make him the rightful champion. Regal comes out and says the report isn’t correct though he isn’t sure what Joe has it. He’s been talking to Nakamura but Regal is going to deal with the problem Joe started. That’s not cool with Joe, who gets in Regal’s face and says Regal can solve this or the entire roster is going to look like Nakamura.
We look at Kota Ibushi vs. Cedric Alexander from the Cruiserweight Classic in their match of the year candidate that earned Alexander a job.
Alexander says it took him seven years on the independent circuit to get here but that’s just the start. Not much to this one but the cruiserweights aren’t often going to get over on their talking.
Liv Morgan wants Asuka and the Women’s Title. Asuka comes in and says we can find out if Liv is ready. Morgan really shouldn’t be talking that often.
Oney Lorcan vs. Austin Aries
Aries rides him to the mat and grabs a headlock without looking like he’s put in much effort. Back up and Oney jumps over a charge and clotheslines Aries into a headlock of his own. Aries comes back with something like a belly to back suplex over the top and out to the floor for a crash.
We come back from a break with Aries dropping a middle rope elbow to the back for two. Oney fires off his hard strikes, including some chops in the corner as the announcers keep pushing his offense as ugly but effective. A charge misses though and Lorcan crashes out to the floor again. Oney comes right back with more running uppercuts, only to miss his middle rope sunset flip. Aries hits the discus forearm and wraps Oney up with the Last Chancery at 11:29.
Rating: B-. Lorcan has a horrible name and not the best looking offense but he’s being treated like someone with some value instead of just another jobber. NXT really needs some fresh blood in the midcard and Lorcan could mean something someday. One of the important things about NXT is that they don’t cripple talent that might mean something someday and it’s going to do them some good down the line.
Post match Aries says he’d call Hideo Itami out but everyone knows he wouldn’t show up. Cue Itami but of course Aries runs because he wants it on his terms.
Video on a monster named Dan Matha who debuts in two weeks.
After their win at the Cruiserweight Classic last week, Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa were jumped by the Revival. The champs got beaten up though and ran off.
Aliyah vs. Billie Kay
Aliyah starts fast by sending Billie into the corner for a running crossbody to the ribs. Billie’s arm is wrapped around the ropes and a slingshot legdrop gets two. Back up and a torture rack with an arm trap of all things has Aliyah in trouble but she comes right back with a running seated Blockbuster for two. The big boot gets Billie out of trouble though and knocks Aliyah off at 3:17.
Rating: C-. This was fine and there’s some potential in Aliyah, who showed a lot of fire. She’s in really bad need of ring time though and it wasn’t the best showing in the world. Billie is working well as a heel just by looking the part and that big boot could become a dangerous enough weapon. I mean, it worked for Test.
Mandy Rose thinks Ember Moon looks like a cross between the Hunger Games and Little Red Riding Hood.
Andrade Cien Almas vs. Cedric Alexander
Almas comes out in just a vest and with far less flair and energy than before. We hear about Stephanie McMahon bringing the cruiserweights to Raw as Almas grabs a headscissors to start. The fans are behind Cedric as a very fast pinfall reversal sequence gives us some near falls. They fight over a wristlock but both guys flip out to give us a standoff. Almas does his posing in the ropes and catches Cedric with a slingshot dropkick and a running corkscrew dive to take us to a break.
Back with Cedric fighting out of a chinlock and scoring with a Tajiri handspring into an enziguri. Alexander adds the big flip dive over the top but Almas comes back with elbows to the jaw (Fan: “HEY! STOP DOING THAT!”) and a powerbomb for two. Almas knocks him off the top for the moonsault into the standing moonsault and Cedric’s kickout stuns him. The double running knees miss and a Lumbar Check is enough to pin Almas at 11:47.
Rating: B-. Alexander is definitely being treated like something special and with good reason. He’s not going to regularly blow your mind but he does a lot of things well enough to put together a good match. Almas acting more like a heel and getting more aggressive is the right call and changing his look is an even better idea.
They shake hands and hug to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This was a different kind of show from NXT as they shifted the focus to the midcard for a week. I’m not entirely sold on having the cruiserweights appear on NXT all the time as NXT has more than enough to go around as it is but once in a while won’t hurt anything. This show was more about setting things up for down the road and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when one of those things will be Nakamura returning to blow the roof off the place.
Results
Austin Aries b. Oney Lorcan – Last Chancery
Billie Kay b. Aliyah – Big boot
Cedric Alexander b. Andrade Cien Almas – Lumbar Check
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Monday Night Raw – April 15, 2002 (2016 Redo): One Step Is Better Than None
Monday Night Raw Date: April 15, 2002
Location: Reed Arena, College Station, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the final show before Backlash and the big Raw main event is the fresh matchup of Undertaker vs. Steve Austin for a title shot at the next pay per view. Raw has been dying in its first few shows and I don’t see that getting any better for a long time. They really need to figure out something with this Brand Split in a hurry because it’s getting bad quickly. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s a slightly disheveled Ric Flair for the weekly chat to open things up. There’s a lot of great talent backstage and he doesn’t want to waste any time in getting them out here. I’m sure that’s going to be the case of course. First though, Flair wants to talk about Steve Austin being anti-authority. The difference between Flair and Vince McMahon is that he has no interest in going to war with Austin. Flair likes Austin and made sure to put Austin in the #1 contenders match at Backlash.
We see the ending of last week’s show with Flair running out to help out Austin against the NWO, only to get Stunned for his efforts. If he’s such a big Austin fan, he really should have seen that coming. Cue Austin but Flair cuts him off on his way to the second rope. Oh jeez he’s in trouble. Flair isn’t going to suspend him for what happened last week but he’s going to fine Austin $5000. Austin does the WHAT treatment to ask who he was supposed to face last week because he thought it was Scott Hall but saw Ric Flair out there instead. He didn’t cry for help, send a smoke signal or FedEx Flair because Flair isn’t Lassie or Superman.
Austin promises to win at Backlash but here’s Undertaker to interrupt. Undertaker very slowly says he’ll win and talks about how important it is to win because the Brand Split is making it harder to get title shots. He’s ready to outwrestle, outfight or outcheat Austin but he knows Austin needs Flair’s help. Both guys threaten to beat Flair up if he interferes so Flair makes himself special referee. Somehow we’re STILL not done though as here’s the NWO (just Hall and X-Pac these days) with something to say.
Hall runs down Texas and Bradshaw in particular so Austin is willing to fight him tonight. Flair says no so here’s Bradshaw and the fight is on. The good guys clear the ring but Flair is knocked down, likely setting up a six man later. Somehow it took twenty minutes to establish that Austin doesn’t like authority and that Flair is guest referee on Sunday. It doesn’t help that Austin and Undertaker are on pure fumes and neither are interesting save for nostalgia for about two years ago.
Post break a livid Flair makes Austin/Bradshaw vs. the NWO/Undertaker in an anything goes match.
Hardcore Title: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Raven
Dudley is defending and throws out a bunch of Raven’s weapons. They trade metal shots with Raven taking over as the announcers talk about how wild the weekend was for the title. By that they mean three straight shows with four title changes each. I can actually buy that for a house show as they’re probably fun for the crowd but seeing it every single week gets tiresome. Bubba takes over with a flapjack and tells himself to get the table, only to have Raven grab the DDT for two but the referee says it’s a pin anyway.
Tommy Dreamer comes out and wins the title. Then Steven Richards comes out to win the title. Then Bubba wins it back. Those four title changes took place over the course of 46 seconds.
Shawn Stasiak is back on Raw and has volunteered to face Big Show. He’s not a maniac because his psychiatrist is a quack who wanted him on some Prozac so sit back and enjoy the attack. That was more energy than I’ve ever seen him show.
Big Show vs. Shawn Stasiak
Shawn works on the leg for a bit but gets clotheslined and chokeslammed for the pin in less than a minute and a half. Eh every show needs jobbers.
We recap Eddie Guerrero returning and going after Rob Van Dam.
Eddie says he’s mad at Van Dam for stealing the frog splash. I’ve heard far worse motivations. There’s a tag match with the midcard champions against their challengers for an old but good idea.
Booker T. is ticked off at Goldust for costing him the Hardcore Title last week but tonight Flair has teamed them up. Goldust thinks they could be a bright star but Booker wants the freak to get away from him. Together they could make more money than Lethal Weapon. You know it’s serious when they invoke Steve Blackman. Booker: “I’m getting too old for this stuff.”
Debra is getting coffee when Undertaker startles her, sending the coffee onto Undertaker. Seething ensues.
Crash vs. Jacqueline
Rematch from last night on Heat where Crash cheated to win but Jackie is FROM TEXAS and won’t stand for that. A missile dropkick and a sunset flip finish Crash in thirty seconds. Yeah yeah she’s tough and she’s from Texas. I care so much.
Now we look back at Spike Dudley beating William Regal for the European Title in about three seconds. I really wouldn’t highlight the fact that there have been a match last week and another from this week combined to go 35 seconds.
Regal yells at Coach for bringing up Mr. McMahon’s club and promises to break open Coach’s skull for mentioning the title loss. I can always go for psycho Regal.
Rob Van Dam/Spike Dudley vs. William Regal/Eddie Guerrero
Regal jumps Spike to start but gets Van Dam to really get things going instead. It’s quickly off to Spike as Lawler jokes about Spike’s weight. A nasty looking half nelson suplex stuns Spike and the bad guys take turns stomping on him. I’m not as big on Spike as most people but he looks like he’s dying out there most of the time. A crossbody looks to set up the Dudley Dog on Regal but Eddie makes a save.
That’s fine with Spike who takes Eddie down with a hurricanrana, allowing the hot tag off to Van Dam. Rob starts cleaning house with the usual until Eddie gets in a neckbreaker. Everything breaks down and Eddie hits a brainbuster on Spike, followed by the frog splash for the pin.
Rating: C. Spike losing actually makes sense here as he cheated to win the title and was beaten down for most of the match (as in less than three minutes) so the loss isn’t exactly shocking. Van Dam vs. Guerrero is the best feud on the show at the moment and thankfully the match will be one of the better ones on Sunday so it balances out well enough. I’m always a fan of putting two feuds into one match for a fast build so this worked well.
Trish is ready to beat Molly up tonight and then take the Women’s Title on Sunday. Molly comes in and offers two pictures: one of Trish on the cover of the Divas swimsuit magazine (bikini) and one of herself in a one piece swimsuit with angel’s wings. Molly assumes that most students at the university have her picture on their dorm room wall. Trish says tonight she’ll leave Molly in a position she’s not familiar with: flat on her back.
How in the world is Trish not the heel here? If you’re going to go with this angle, Molly should be in the kind of attire Ivory wore in the Right to Censor. The picture is of a good looking woman in a swimsuit and for some reason it’s supposed to be something almost no one would be interested in looking at. Trish’s line at the end made it even worse as, again, she implies that men wouldn’t be interested in Molly for whatever reason they have to hate her this week. I know Molly is the heel and should be based on the initial attack on Trish but ever since then she’s been completely realistic and hasn’t done a thing wrong.
Lawler freaks out at Molly saying she was wholesome, meaning she’s a virgin. Again, that’s considered something horrible because WWF is run by a bunch of 14 year olds.
Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus
Molly takes her down to start and works on the arm as the idiot fans chant SHE’S A VIRGIN. Trish comes back so Molly bails outside (Lawler: “Don’t come so close to me Molly. I might convert you.” Did Lawler just imply he would rape Molly if she came closer to him?), only to beat Trish down again back inside. A backbreaker gets two on Trish but the Molly Go Round misses. There’s a high kick from Trish and she rolls Molly up with a handful of tights for the pin. Your hero!
Rating: C-. The match was fine but this story is nauseating. They’re actively making fun of Molly for a personal choice that a lot of people make and is no one else’s business. I heard the same insult a lot growing up and then I turned about 14 so my friends grew up a little bit. Somehow that’s not the case here and it’s really pathetic. I’m sure parents had a blast explaining this one to their kids and were thrilled that the WWF was presenting this as a bad thing.
Bradshaw talks about Hall’s testicular fortitude and sucks up to the Texas fans.
The NWO is going to focus on Bradshaw tonight.
Paul Heyman steals a pair of Lita’s underwear (she had at least a dozen in her bag) and offers to give Matt Hardy some leniency against Brock Lesnar on Sunday in exchange for sex. The ensuing slap would make Stephanie proud.
Hardy Boyz vs. Booker T./Goldust
Goldust and Booker jump them to start and the brothers are in early trouble. Matt gets in a clothesline and makes the hot tag (about a minute in) so Jeff can clean house. Poetry in Motion hits Goldust but here’s Heyman with Lita’s underwear to distract Lita. Matt gives chase and Booker kicks Jeff down so Goldust can get the easy pin.
Heyman has Lita’s bag of underwear and throws them around. Matt goes after him but runs into Brock. Figure the rest out for yourself.
JR brings out HHH for a chat about his match with Hogan, which has nothing to do with this show. Both he and Hogan have made a lot of mistakes in this rivalry (What rivalry? You had a match announced less than two weeks ago and you’ve punched each other a few times.) but Hogan made it worse by dropping the big leg. JR asks about what another big leg on Sunday would mean because Hulkamania is running wild. The question is whatcha gonna do. Well HHH isn’t going to make any mistakes and he’s going to retain the title. He doesn’t care if he faces Austin or Undertaker next either. More filler on a show full of it.
Steve Austin/Bradshaw vs. NWO/Undertaker
X-Pac has Kane’s mask. It’s a brawl to start (duh) until we settle down to Undertaker vs. Austin. An early Thesz press looks to set up a slightly less early Stunner but Undertaker bails. That earns him a double middle finger so it’s off to X-Pac instead. Some spinebusters put the NWO down and it’s off to Bradshaw for more Texas brawling. Bradshaw gets two off some suplexes and it’s back to Austin as this is one sided so far.
Finally realizing that the NWO is worthless, Undertaker hits Austin in the back of the head to take over. The NWO takes turns slowly beating on Austin, who comes back with the worst punches I’ve ever seen him throw. The double clothesline drops Austin and Hall so JR mentions kissing your sister. Bradshaw comes in to clean house with the Clothesline, including a big one for the pin on X-Pac.
Rating: D. Bradshaw was the best thing about this match as he was the only one who seemed like he was excited to be out there. Undertaker and Austin are sleepwalking through every match and the NWO is making the Corre look like the Horsemen. This main event scene is dying for a freshening up and we’re less than a month into the new era. That can’t be a good sign.
A big brawl and a chair to Austin’s head end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Somehow that’s an upgrade over last week’s mess. I don’t know how many times I’ve said it already but the main event scene is such a mess with two guys who wrestle like they’re about 476 years old and are fighting over who might get to fight Hulk Hogan next month. At this point even Hogan vs. Austin doesn’t sound like the most interesting thing in the world.
Other than that though, let’s look at some of the stuff we had here. Big Show beats Stasiak in about a minute. His match on Sunday? A two minute squash of Stevie Richards on Heat. You remember Richards. He’s one of the guys who won the Hardcore Title tonight. On the same show you have VIRGINS ARE BAD and Jackie proving that Texas is amazing before the main event that also proved that Texas is amazing. The only good stuff here is Brock smashing anything in his path and a match over who uses a splash better. Smackdown is nothing great at the moment but you can see an idea over there and it makes a world of difference.
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Cruiserweight Classic – September 14, 2016: Grand Finale
Cruiserweight Classic Date: September 14, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Daniel Bryan, Mauro Ranallo
It’s already the grand finale as we’re live tonight for two hours. We have three tournament matches to go tonight and at least one other as Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa vs. two cruiserweights to be named tonight. There’s always the chance that they’ll add in another match, as well as the potential of something involving the Cruiserweight Title. Let’s get to it.
We open with a look back at the tournament, narrated by HHH.
Opening sequence.
The announcers talk about the show a bit.
Preview of the first semifinal match.
Video on all four semifinalists.
Semifinals: Gran Metalik vs. Zack Sabre Jr.
Mexico vs. England. Metalik dropkicks him at the bell to put Zack on the floor for a flip dive. A springboard Swanton Bomb gets a VERY close two but Sabre ties him in the ropes for some kicks and knees to the back. Sabre starts in on the neck to slow things down and puts Metalik’s head between his legs to crank on a leg.
Back up and Zack fires off more uppercuts but gets caught in a weird standing leglock until Sabre dives over to the ropes. Zack comes back with a dragon sleeper with his leg pulling Metalik’s arm back as he stays on the neck. They fight over a double arm crank until Sabre just kicks him in the face. Metalik does the same and gets two off a running shooting star press. Both guys get near falls off some rollups until Metalik gets something like an octopus hold.
Sabre reverses into a guillotine which is reversed into a Boston crab which is reversed into a rollup for two on Sabre. A slugout goes to Sabre so Metalik takes his head off with a clothesline for two more. Sabre’s running PK gets another near fall but Metalik kicks him in the face again. Something like an octopus hold has Metalik in more trouble but it breaks down so Metalik can survive. Sabre goes to the ropes but gets crotched and hurricanranaed down for a very close two. Metalik gets caught in a triangle until he flips over into a rollup for two more. Back up and a quick Metalik Driver eliminates Sabre at 13:14.
Rating: B. The ending surprised me a bit as Metalik has been pretty quiet throughout the whole tournament but is somehow in the finals. He’s very much your standard luchador and that’s the kind of wrestler who is always going to have a spot around here. Sabre might not be coming to WWE but he’ll be a big star around the world with the skills that he has.
William Regal comes out and gives Metalik a big medal for winning.
With the help of a translator, Metalik thanks the fans and says he’s going to win the tournament.
Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa are out to prove something tonight against Noam Dar and Cedric Alexander. All that matters to them is a rematch with the Revival.
Semifinals: Kota Ibushi vs. TJ Perkins
Japan vs. Philipines. Feeling out process to start with Perkins actually checking one of Ibushi’s kicks. The fans are mostly split as Perkins works on an armbar but tries to pull Ibushi in for the kneebar. Ibushi sprints over to the ropes so Perkins gets him on the mat in a headscissors. A running kick to the chest drops Perkins and a springboard missile dropkick makes it even worse.
Ibushi tries a running springboard moonsault but gets kicked to the floor for a nasty looking crash. Back in and a double underhook crank stays on Ibushi’s neck for a bit until a good looking dropkick hits Perkins in the mouth. Now the springboard moonsault to the floor works just fine and Ibushi follows up with a springboard missile dropkick. A running powerslam sets up a middle rope moonsault but Perkins gets the knees up.
The kneebar goes on and sends Ibushi over to the ropes for the save. Ibushi is right back with a snap German suplex for two and it’s time for the hard kicks to Perkins’ chest. TJ breaks up the middle rope German deadlift suplex and counters the Golden Star Bomb into a DDT. That’s only good for two (Mauro: “CONJOINED TWINS CLOSE!”) and it’s off to the kneebar in the middle of the ring.
Ibushi flips out of that too and the Golden Star Bomb plants TJ for one of the hottest near falls I’ve seen in a long time. Perkins rolls away from a Phoenix splash but gets caught in a wheelbarrow slam driver. Yet another Golden Star Bomb attempt is countered into the kneebar and Perkins even leans up to pull back on the neck for the huge upset at 13:51.
Rating: A. I was losing my mind on those near falls and that just does not happen to me very often. Perkins is someone that I never saw much in but this match here more than won me over. He had a logical game plan here and he stuck with it until the ending while Ibushi was throwing everything he could. I had a blast with this match and it never stopped being a blast.
Perkins says he’s won one and now he needs to win one more.
Sasha Banks, Bayley, Kalisto, Jack Gallagher and Rich Swann are in the crowd.
Noam Dar/Cedric Alexander vs. Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa
Just an exhibition match. After some handshakes all around, it’s Alexander throwing Ciampa around in a bit of a surprise to start. It’s quickly off to Gargano for a knee to Dar’s jaw. They already tag off again so Cedric flip dives over the top to take Ciampa out. Everything breaks down and Gargano superkicks Dar before spearing Alexander through the ropes for two. A wicked Michinoku Driver gets two on Gargano and we settle down to Ciampa kneeing Dar in the face until Cedric springboards in with a clothesline.
Everything breaks down again and a series of clotheslines and superkicks puts all four down. Dar reverses a kick and grabs an ankle lock on Johnny, only to have Ciampa go all psycho while stomping to break up the hold. Dar dives onto Johnny and Alexander hits a very hard brainbuster for what looked like three but the referee says keep going. Gargano comes back in with his superkicks to both guys, setting up the running knee/superkick combo for the pin on Dar at 9:42.
Rating: B. Totally wild match here to give us a little change of pace from the tournament matches. These guys beat the heck out of each other and there were some great near falls even though there was little doubt that Gargano/Ciampa were going to win due to their upcoming match with the Revival. Still though, this was a very entertaining match and a good idea after the two great matches we saw earlier.
Regal talks about helping to put the tournament together and trying to find people who weren’t as well known but could handle the rigors of this competition.
Corey Graves comes in to talk a bit as we fill in time before the main event.
We recap the semifinals.
Quick look at the trophy.
Cruiserweight Classic Final: Gran Metalik vs. TJ Perkins
Mexico vs. Philipines. Wait a second though as HHH comes out to say this is going to be for the new Cruiserweight Title. That’s quite the jump up though it was the only logical way to introduce the title.
Cruiserweight Title: Gran Metalik vs. TJ Perkins
The title is vacant coming in of course. They trade some early rollups before Perkins grabs a modified octopus hold. Metalik rolls out and sends Perkins outside for a suicide dive with their heads crashing together. Back in and we hit a surfboard with Metalik’s boot in TJ’s back for extra pressure. Perkins gets over to the ropes and tries a suplex, only to have Metalik get a running start and hurricanrana Perkins off the apron for an awesome spot.
Metalik follows him out with a big springboard flip dive to keep Perkins in trouble. The running shooting star misses though and Perkins grabs the kneebar, sending Metalik over to the ropes again. A dropkick to the knee looks to set up the Metalik Driver but instead it’s a DDT for two on Perkins.
The reverse Backstabber sets up another kneebar and Perkins pulls him back to the middle. He can’t get the leg crossed though and Metalik counters into a rollup for a close two. The Metalik Driver plants Perkins but the knee gives out again and it’s only good for two more. Perkins takes too long going up top and gets caught in a super Metalik Driver but that’s reversed into a full on kneebar to make Metalik tap at 17:45.
Rating: A-. Just like before, Perkins won me over here. He really has no business being in there with names like this and he’s more than shown he belongs at the top of this division. I had a blast watching him through and you can add him to the list of names that TNA managed to screw up and let go over to WWE. Another great match here to cap off a great night.
Perkins is presented with the trophy and title but he needs to see someone about his chest, which is terribly, terribly bruised. He talks about how this trophy is for everyone and he can’t believe he’s here. Perkins celebrates to end the show.
Overall Rating: A+. You think this one needs an explanation? This tournament was absolutely incredible and one of the best displays of wrestling I’ve seen in a long time. For me, the whole thing works for how simple they kept things. This started two months ago yesterday and we’re DONE. No three months of round robin before we get to the actual tournament, no waiting around with people who had no chance being teased and nothing that was ever boring.
This tournament flew by and was so much fun that I started looking forward to watching it every week. I don’t think it’s something that would work all the time but it’s going to be a great addition to Raw for a match or two a week and that’s all it needs to be. Excellent tournament and an outstanding finale.
Results
Gran Metalik b. Zack Sabre Jr. – Metalik Driver
TJ Perkins b. Kota Ibushi – Kneebar
Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa b. Noam Dar/Cedric Alexander – Running knee/superkick combo to Dar
TJ Perkins b. Gran Metalik – Kneebar
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Monday Night Raw – April 8, 2002 (2016 Redo): This Made Me Mad
Monday Night Raw Date: April 8, 2002
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Hopefully things pick up a little bit after last week’s mess of a debut for the solo red show. Backlash is in thirteen days and it’s really not clear what we should be expecting from either brand, save for some of the top matches. Steve Austin is officially on Raw though and you know he’s going to do something big. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Vince deciding that Hulk Hogan will be #1 contender instead of HHH. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn’t change their minds so quickly but that doesn’t make for an interesting storyline.
Opening sequence.
Undertaker comes out to start and wants to know what’s going on around here. You and me both big man. Last week he came out here and challenged HHH and the champ accepted. Now he’s out of the match for the sake of HHH vs. Hulk Hogan and that’s just unacceptable. This show isn’t going anywhere until someone explains this so here’s Ric Flair to try and calm things down. He was wrong when he made the match because that was up to Vince but Undertaker doesn’t run things around here.
Undertaker doesn’t buy it because he thinks Flair is still mad about Wrestlemania. If Flair knows what’s good for him, he’ll make Undertaker #1 contender for the match after Backlash. That means Austin time because we haven’t seen Austin vs. Undertaker in long enough. Well to be fair it had been a whole eleven months since they had a bad match.
Austin isn’t happy with the idea of Undertaker getting a title match because he has a stupid bandana, tattoos, gloves, pants and boots. Maybe Flair is scared but Austin would rather ask why Undertaker has a shirt on that says Deadman. This WHAT game is already getting annoying but it might be due to the last fourteen years or so.
Austin wants an answer so Flair makes TWO #1 contenders matches (Austin vs. Scott Hall, Undertaker vs. Rob Van Dam) because both of these guys have attacked him in recent weeks. In other words, it’s a mini tournament but it’s not clear if Van Dam or Hall can get the title shot at all. Heaven forbid we just cut out the nonsense and give us the only match it could realistically be.
Flair says this is about becoming #1 contender and then wants to explain what he means. Undertaker: “I know what you mean!” Now hang on a second there Deadman. All he’s done is explain it in very basic detail so we can’t be sure that common wrestling fans understood it. Undertaker makes bald jokes and gets punched to the floor but Austin won’t Stun Flair due to threats of Somehow this took well over fifteen minutes and I can personally guarantee you this was NOT needless filler.
Hardcore Title: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Booker T.
Booker is challenging but before we get going, he’s got something to say too. Well of course he does. Apparently people are here to see the Spinarooni so let’s pause while he gives the people what they want. Bubba: “Play some funky music for this white boy!” JR calls Bubba overly Caucasian before they fight out to the floor. It’s such a shame to see the Alliance members just not being able to get along like this. Bubba starts throwing in the weapons, which of course include a trumpet.
The middle rope backsplash misses (only one of those a century) and Booker hammers away (Lawler: “HIT HIM WITH THE TRUMPET!”) with trashcan lids. Bubba gets in a Samoan drop and hits some big elbows but there’s no D-Von to get the tables. The delay lets Booker get in a spinebuster but here’s Goldust with another referee. Bubba powerbombs Goldust through the table and pins him, which somehow ends the match against Booker.
Rating: D-. In addition to the boring match, we also got a really stupid ending with the actually challenger not even being pinned. This division needs to die already as they’re completely out of ideas and even their own rules don’t make sense a lot of the time. Bubba dancing was funny enough but this was even more filler on a show that has been full of it so far.
Trish Stratus (looking GREAT tonight) isn’t pleased with Molly Holly attacking her last week but William Regal cuts him off to talk about wanting to hurt Spike Dudley. Apparently Spike is an abortion on society and will be turned into a vegetable.
Kane is reading the Divas Magazine (I’m sure he only reads the articles) and assures Terri that just because his face is burned, the rest of him is just fine. He loves freaks and declares them cool before sucking up to the Arizona Diamondbacks fans. Where has this Kane been for the other eighteen years?
X-Pac plays with his nunchucks and tells the NWO that he’s got this on his own.
Kane vs. X-Pac
Falls count anywhere for reasons that aren’t clear. X-Pac jumps him at the entrance and kicks away to start but gets clotheslined out to the floor. They head into the crowd and then into the back where the NWO beats Kane down to give X-Pac the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.
X-Pac steals Kane’s mask and gives him a Conchairto but Bradshaw makes the save. I mean, he wasn’t on time and didn’t prevent anything but he did in fact show up.
Flair suspends Nash. Odds are he’s hurt again.
European Title: William Regal vs. Spike Dudley
Spike is challenging and hits Regal in the face with the brass knuckles to win in three seconds. The referee is fine with Regal being knocked unconscious before the bell.
Random people celebrate with Spike and I’m sure the fact that they all have 7-11 Slurpees with them is a coincidence. Bubba comes up and congratulates Spike in what’s supposed to be a nice moment.
Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker
Non-title and if Undertaker wins he’s #1 contender at Backlash, whatever that means. Undertaker rips at Van Dam’s face to start and clotheslines him in the corner because the Intercontinental Champion is miles beneath him. Undertaker kicks and elbows Van Dam in the head as this is completely one sided so far. The legdrop hits the apron though and Van Dam hits his moonsault off the apron.
Back in and Van Dam botches his top rope kick, hitting Undertaker in the leg by mistake. At least it makes sense even if it wasn’t on purpose. Van Dam goes up but gets superplexed for two, meaning it’s time for a chair. Well to be fair they’ve been wrestling (read as Undertaker has been basically squashing him) for about seven minutes now.
A Van Daminator sets up the Five Star but here’s Eddie Guerrero to go after Rob. As usual, the referee is TOTALLY FINE with this and the brawl allows Undertaker to grab a chokeslam for a near fall. Rob kicks the knee out and hits the top rope kick to the chest. The Five Star looks to finish but Eddie gets in a belt shot, setting up the Last Ride to send Undertaker…..somewhere for something.
Rating: D+. It’s nice for a match to get some time and I’m glad Undertaker didn’t pin the champ clean but egads they were piling up the nonsense on this one. We had interference on the floor (not a DQ), a chair and a belt shot with Undertaker looking like he would have rather been anywhere else. Like on Smackdown, where there’s a lot less of this nonsense.
Trish Stratus is in the ring for her match but first, Terri asks Molly Holly if she’s upset because she’s not as beautiful as someone like Trish. This is one of those things that I can’t stand about wrestling culture (and culture in general): Molly isn’t good enough because she’s not Trish. I for one would never be interested in a 24 year old with shoulder length brown hair, a very natural look and the body of a professional athlete. After all she’s not a great looking blonde with a lot of plastic surgery (nothing against Trish of course as she’s gorgeous as well).
Molly says she’s beautiful enough and doesn’t need to be in paddle on a pole matches. Since this is the WWF though, that makes her a heel because in the WWF’s eyes at this point, all that matters is how much skin you show. Not only is that sad but it’s one of the worst possible messages you can present.
Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly
Women’s Champion Jazz is on commentary and has a black eye thanks to Trish (house show injury). Molly is back to the brown hair and it really, really suits her. Trish hammers away to start and has to drag Molly back inside. Back in and some shots to the face put Trish down but a Stratusphere draws Jazz to her feet. Trish loads up Stratusfaction off the apron but Jazz hits her in the face with the Women’s Title. Molly puts on something like an Indian deathlock before rolling Trish over for a weird looking bridging pin.
Rating: D. Is this show incapable of having a match end clean tonight? I guess we’re forgetting Trish vs. Molly (and likely Molly in general) to set up Jazz vs. Trish at Backlash. This match somehow got the second most time on the show so far and it’s just going downhill every single segment.
Paul Heyman tells Brock Lesnar to not attack fans, even here in Phoenix.
Here are Lesnar and Heyman with something to say. The fans tell Paul that the Yankees suck but he doesn’t seem interested. Some fan. Heyman is now Lesnar’s agent because Paul has managed Steve Austin, Undertaker and the WWF as a whole thanks to ECW. The important thing is that Heyman knows how to spot the next big thing, such as Brock Lesnar. We get a long video of Lesnar’s destruction to date before the Hardyz run in for the beatdown. A few chair shots to the head that would get them fired today put Lesnar on the floor but can’t knock him off his feet. At least he leaves for now before mauling them later.
Big Show vs. Mr. Perfect
Perfect’s offense works as well as it’s going to before Show chops him out to the floor. Back in and a low blow (DQ? Anybody?) sets up a PerfectPlex for one. The chokeslam ends Perfect like he’s nothing.
Austin takes over Flair’s office. Do we really need another angle tonight?
The announcers try to explain the #1 contenders situation and it really doesn’t make sense. This includes a bunch of clips from earlier in the night and it’s even more filler.
Austin throws Flair’s pens around until Ric comes in to FINALLY make it clear: if Austin beats Hall tonight, he faces Undertaker for the #1 contendership. Austin: “Thank you for explaining it to me because I was a little confused.” Thanks for speaking up for everyone else Steve.
Scott Hall vs. Steve Austin
Hall has X-Pac (with the Kane mask) in his corner. Austin starts fast (likely wanting to get out of here as fast as possible) and choking with a shirt. They take turns throwing each other to the floor and Hall is sent into the steps. There’s no fire to Austin here and it’s showing horribly. Back in and an X-Pac distraction lets Hall take over for the first time. The chinlock doesn’t go anywhere but Hall does manage to fall down when Austin tries to suplex him for the break. Some slow stomping and punches have Austin down again.
A double clothesline puts both guys down though presumably it’s so Hall can have a breather. Back up and an awkward looking Thesz press has Hall in trouble but it’s time for a ref bump. X-Pac gets taken out but here’s Undertaker to chokeslam Austin. That brings out Bradshaw to fight Undertaker into the crowd. Hall gets the fall away slam and the referee is bumped again so X-Pac can come in. That means Flair comes out to knock X-Pac into a Stunner. Another Stunner to Hall sends Austin to Backlash.
Rating: D-. Both of these guys need to be off this show almost immediately. Austin might have a bit of a role for a while but Hall was a DISASTER here, barely able to do even the most basic stuff right and looking embarrassing in the process. The fact that we had four people interfere and two ref bumps in a nine minute match to hide how bad this would have been otherwise tells you all you need to know.
Austin Stuns Flair to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. This was horrible and you can pick your favorite reason why. It could be Molly possibly being evil because she’s not pretty enough, it could be the horrible wrestling, it could be one screwy finish after another or it could be the main story that was so confusing that multiple people called it complicated. I don’t remember a show this bad in a long time and I can’t imagine it’s going to get much worse than this. The match of the night was the Intercontinental Champion losing in a match just a step above a squash. If that’s the best that Raw can do, this show is in big, big trouble.
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