Impact Wrestling
Date: February 13, 2014
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

The UK tour continues as we head into England for the first time this year. The main stories coming out of last week are Samoa Joe officially being #1 contender over Bobby Roode and an MVP vs. Dixie summit that went absolutely nowhere. Lockdown is less than a month away so odds are we’ll be hearing about Lethal Lockdown and the rest of the card soon enough. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of MVP standing up to Dixie for all of her evil deeds in the last few months and promising changes to end Dixie’s party.

No time is wasted on getting to Dixie this week as she and her cronies are in the ring to start the show. Dixie says she clearly hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over MVP’s threats and the odds of him taking over the company are about as good as her having a bad hair day. Dixie brags about Magnus but Ethan takes the mic and says he’s the one that ended the career of Kurt Angle.

Magnus takes the mic as well but has to wait for a YOU SOLD OUT chant. It’s nice to be back in Manchester because it means another year before he has to be back here again. People like Manchester make him feel ashamed to be British because he’s not from the north, nor is he a paper champion. He’s a man who recognizes opportunity and there is no opportunity in Manchester, other than a chance to be smacked in the face by the world champion.

The fans aren’t impressed so Magnus shifts his focus to MVP. He doesn’t care what jail cell MVP came from but we need to get the pecking order established. It’s Magnus on top, Dixie second, everybody else, and then MVP. Magnus isn’t for sale but here are MVP and Joe with something of their own to say. MVP sucks up to the crowd and says that Joe will be challenging Magnus at Lockdown, which seems to take the champion by surprise.

This brings out Gunner with the Feast or Fired case, which will be cashed in next week on Impact. Dixie says not so fast, because Gunner has to face Ethan Carter for the briefcase tonight. MVP one ups her by putting EC3’s Tag Team Title briefcase on the line as well, but makes it a ladder match with both briefcases on the line. MVP tells “C-3PO” that if anyone tries to cheat in this match, he’ll be out here to level the playing field.

Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III

Dang they’re not wasting time tonight. Carter heads straight to the floor to start but Gunner is waiting for him and heads back inside for a running knee and a fallaway slam. Gunner goes to get a ladder but Carter dropkicks him off the apron and sets up the ladder himself, only to have Gunner send him into the buckle.

The ladder is sat in the corner and Carter is sent flying into the steel, only to have Gunner get the same treatment. He’s still able to powerbomb Carter down for the save but Magnus comes in and shoves the ladder over, only to draw in James Storm for the save. This brings out MVP who makes it a winner take all tag team ladder match at about 4:30.

Rating: D. This is one of the things I can’t stand about modern wrestling: wasted gimmick matches. Why in the world did they need to have a ladder match, only to throw in another one a few seconds later? On top of that, a gimmick match is supposed to attract viewers, but that usually requires more than five minutes’ warning. How good of a ladder match can you have with about four minutes of action?

James Storm/Gunner vs. Ethan Carter III/Magnus

Joined in progress with Storm in trouble and Magnus driving the ladder into Gunner’s back. Gunner is laid across the ladder and splashed across the back before both heels drop him ribs first onto the ladder. Magnus rams the ladder into Gunner’s face and loads up the ladder but Ethan tries to climb. That’s not cool with the champ who wants to go instead. They get in an argument, despite it not being clear who gets the case if Magnus pulls it down.

The fight lets Storm come back in and clean house and Ethan is double hiptossed onto the ladder. Magnus saves his partner from the Gun Rack but Storm hits a Cactus Clothesline to send himself and Magnus to the outside. Gunner comes back in with a swan dive to Carter and goes up to pull down both cases for the win at 5:00.

Rating: C-. Better match here but man alive enough with the five minute gimmick matches. We just saw two ladder matches combine to last under ten minutes and it doesn’t really solve anything. In short, there was no reason for these matches to use ladders other than it sounds cool on paper. Pay no attention to the fact that if you weren’t watching in the last twenty minutes, you would have no idea they were taking place.

Anderson says he’ll win tonight because he has family and we get to see a picture of his twin daughters.

Spud has divided the office in half and makes sure that Dixie has more flowers on her side. The Bro Mans come in and want to know what Dixie is going to do about Gunner and Storm having the briefcase. Yelling ensues when MVP comes in and says Dixie’s promises mean less and less every day. MVP says people don’t want to see lawyers and want to see action in the ring. What would be fair is to strip the champions of the titles but instead he’ll give them a six man tag match against the Wolves and a mystery partner, right now.

Bro Mans/Zema Ion vs. Wolves/???

The mystery partner is Samoa Joe. Davey starts with a Tajiri handspring into a kick to Godderz’ head before a few headbutts from his parters are good for two. Off to Edwards vs. Robbie with Eddie snapping off a standing hurricanrana and a few chops. A running knee to the face gets two and it’s quickly back to Davey who gets two off a chop from Edwards. Zema adds in a knee from the apron but Davey grabs him by the head and knocks him to the apron.

The distraction lets E get in a cheap shot and the heels take over for the first time. Zema stomps away before it’s back to Robbie for an elbow to the jaw. Heel miscommunication puts the Bro Mans down and it’s hot tag to Joe who cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives to the floor as Joe makes Zema tap with the Clutch at 5:37.

Rating: C. This was fine though I’ve never been big on the Wolves. I was hoping the Bro Mans would be allowed to be a bit more serious, but at the end of the day they’re a comedy team so this is what you had to expect. I’d be fine with the Wolves becoming Tag Team Champions but it was nice to have a non-champion take the fall here.

Velvet Sky begs Dixie to avoid a match with Chris Sabin but gets turned down. MVP isn’t cool with that but Dixie reminds him that he’s not a wrestler. Spud laughs at him, but MVP says he’s got his gear and faces Spud next.

We recap Eric Young vs. Joseph Park/Abyss. This would be the first non-Dixie related segment of the entire show and we’re halfway done.

Here’s Abyss without the mask to call out Eric Young to see what he’s done. Abyss is under a hood like Kane was after he lost his mask back in 2003. Eric stops at ringside but Abyss asks him to come closer unless he’s afraid. Young gets in the ring and says last week he proved all he needed to prove. Park asked him to find Abyss and that’s what he did. Abyss holds up the mask and says it’s the reality of what he did last week. The hood comes back and Park says he is Abyss but Young cuts him off and says he showed Park who he is.

Park shouts at Eric and asks who either of them are because Young doesn’t know. Abyss has destroyed his body and the lives and careers of others. The scars and blood tell his story but he can’t be that man anymore. The violence and destruction have to stop but Young says he can help him. Abyss screams that he doesn’t want Eric’s help and that he needs to find someone who understands him. He drops the mask and walks away.

Earlier today Samuel Shaw tried to help Christy with her luggage but she’s nervous. He agrees to keep it professional and takes off his glove to shake her hand. Shaw looks at his hand and slowly gets on the bus.

MVP vs. Spud

That was a nice fifteen minute break but now it’s back to Dixieland. Spud stalls on the floor before the bell while MVP lounges on the top rope. MVP goes after him but Spud gets in a cheap shot on the way back in to get things going. He pounds away but makes the mistake of slapping the boss in the face. A facebuster sets up the Ballin Elbow and the Drive By kick to the head for the pin at :59. That’s exactly what it should have been.

Bobby Roode is furiously looking for Dixie.

We get a creepy promo of a guy in the woods holding a black and white umbrella, wearing a black and white mask and dressed all in black. He recites poetry and is apparently named Willow. Apparently this was Jeff Hardy in a new gimmick.

Dixie is on the phone when Roode comes in, demanding a title shot. He doesn’t like being called a sore loser and says she doesn’t want him against her.

Chris Sabin vs. Velvet Sky

Sabin offers her a free shot because this is what Velvet has always wanted. Velvet kicks him in the knee and goes for the groin but Sabin is wearing a cup. Like an idiot though he takes it out to show off and gets hit low again, allowing Velvet to pound away. Cue a big woman with a bleach blonde mohawk over dark hair to destroy Velvet with a full nelson. Sabin is very pleased. No match obviously.

Ray goes into Anderson’s dressing room and looks through his stuff, including the pictures on his phone. He calls Anderson’s wife and says this is the phone call she’s been dreading her entire life. Ray says “no, not yet, but he’s coming home in a coffin. Tell the twins daddy says goodbye.”

Roode is in the back and says he lost it and that this has to come to an end. It’s over and he can’t take this anymore. He has his jacket and bag with him, saying he might have something for next week. Security comes in and says he has to leave which Roode does without incident.

We recap Ray vs. Anderson in the casket match. Ray is angry at Anderson for ending Aces and 8’s and has gotten far more serious as a result, even threatening Anderson’s children.

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

Casket match. Anderson has some of the ugliest green tights I’ve ever seen. Ray takes off his shirt and reveals what I believe is a Liverpool jersey to anger the fans. Anderson takes him down and sends him into the corner before dropping him with a neckbreaker. The jersey is ripped off and stomped on by Anderson before they head outside. Mr. spends too much time deciding where to throw his shirt and Ray gets in a cheap shot as we take a break.

Back with Anderson using a chair to knock a chair into Ray’s face and sliding in a table. Anderson is bleeding from the mouth and Ray kicks him in the face to take over. Ray rubs the blood on his own face and pounds at the cut before throwing the casket into the ring. Anderson gets crotched on top and superplexed back down but Ray can’t get the lid on the casket.

Ray raises up a chair to crush Anderson but a low blow stops him cold. Instead he powerbombs Anderson through the table and earns a THIS IS AWESOME chant. Ray loads up a piledriver in the casket but Anderson counters into a Mic Check and puts on the lid for the win at 12:50. The lid didn’t actually close but it was close enough.

Rating: B-. That’s probably high but after all the garbage we’ve had to sit through tonight I’ll take anything. Ray has been an awesome heel throughout this story and I would have liked it more if he had won, but the company is dying for top faces at this point and Anderson is as good as anyone else they could use.

In the back we get even more Dixie vs. MVP with Carter offering him a buyout. She offers him a contract and MVP is impressed but says no. Dixie calls him crazy and MVP says he’s a wrestler so there might be somet truth to that. A proposal is made for Lockdown: Lethal Lockdown with Team MVP vs. Team Dixie for total control of the company. Dixie keeps up her Stephanie McMahon style acting and finally agrees.

Overall Rating: D. Impact wrestling is a two hour show. Tonight, approximately an hour and a half were spent on Dixie Carter vs. MVP or something directly related to that story. Here’s what wasn’t related to it: Eric Young/Abyss segment (8 minutes), Christy Hemme/Shaw segment (2 minutes), Ray vs. Anderson (13 minutes), Sabin vs. Sky (5 minutes) and the Willow promo (1 minute). That’s it. That’s everything on the show that wasn’t related to a single storyline.

Even Immortal didn’t make Impact that much about themselves and I didn’t think things could get worse than that. Dixie vs. MVP is fine for a story, but you need SOMETHING that isn’t related to or a result of that story. There’s some interesting stuff in TNA, but the same story being pounded into our heads like this make it a lot less interesting to sit through.

Results

Ethan Carter III vs. Gunner went to a no contest

James Storm/Gunner b. Ethan Carter III/Magnus – Gunner pulled down the briefcases

Wolves/Samoa Joe b. Zema Ion/Bro Mans – Koquina Clutch to Ion

MVP b. Spud – Drive By

Mr. Anderson b. Bully Ray – Mic Check into a casket

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 30, 2014
Location: Hydro Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Jeremy Borash

Now stop me if you’ve heard this before, but tonight we find out who the new power is in TNA to oppose the current power. The big question is who will it be, with names such as MVP, Sting, AJ Styles and Billy Corgan being thrown out as possible storyline investors in TNA. Either way they seem to have the American Wolves as backup so they can’t be all bad. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the investor storyline which has been going on for a full two weeks now. We also look at Sting’s contract being ripped up. Again note that it’s a contract and not a career.

They’re in an arena tonight too which looks FAR better than the Impact Zone.

We immediately go to the back with Magnus, Spud and Ethan Carter being separated from Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe. This is Scotland so the British champion is loathed. Magnus speaks extra slowly but says that’s not going to be enough for the Scots. The heat on Magnus is excellent here. People are upset that Sting has fallen to the Reign of Magnus, just like Jeff Hardy and AJ Styles. He ended Sting just as he promised he would and it was just business. Magnus refers to what happened to Sting as the thinning of the herd because Dixie agrees that they should rid TNA of the dinosaurs.

TNA needs to clear the way for the Bro Mans, Zema Ion, Rockstar Spud and Magnus of this business. Ethan doesn’t look pleased that his name was omitted nor that Magnus says he got rid of AJ, Hardy and Sting by himself. Before they can argue though, here are Angle and Joe to clear the ring. Kurt says he’s here to avenge the screwing of the herd. Angle talks about Magnus being a paper champion but Magnus says it’s killing Angle that he became a bigger star than the Mafia.

Joe says the only thing killing him is that Magnus is still breathing. Magnus pitches a tag match but an Ethan chant starts up. The match is on as long as Angle and Joe’s futures in TNA are on the line. Joe wants one more stipulation: if either of them pin Magnus, they’re the new #1 contender. The paper champion card is played again and Magnus says yes but Dixie comes out to say no way. She says there’s too much going on to have to worry about that as well but Magnus says the match is on anyway.

A car pulls up out back.

After a break the Wolves get out of the car but block a camera from getting in. Anyone that wants to talk to the investor has to go through them.

Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa

We get a Beautiful People reunion, complete with the near kiss entrance. Gail and Tapa jump them before the bell and it’s Gail pounding on Madison to start. Velvet avoids the running cross body in the corner and makes the tag off to Velvet who cleans house. Things quickly break down and Madison takes down Tapa, allowing Velvet to hit In Yo Face on Gail for the pin at 1:50.

Post match Chris Sabin comes out to yell at Velvet, saying she’s been ignoring him all week. Maybe her hormones are messed up because it’s that time or something, but she has one more chance to apologize and things will be ok. Velvet breaks up with him to a big pop.

Joe and Angle break into Bobby Roode’s locker room for a fight as we go to another break.

Back from a break with Joe pulling Angle off Roode. Angle says Roode cost AJ and Sting their jobs and he’ll do it again tonight. Roode says he would so Joe chokes Roode to a couch and threatens to kill him if he interferes. Angle and Joe leave as Roode smiles.

Here’s James Storm with something to say. He talks about Gunner making a good partner but then something made them fall apart. Storm asks Gunner to come out here so they can put an end to this right now. Gunner says they were friends but once he got the briefcase they blew up. He had to do these things for his son and family and Storm would have done the same thing for his family.

Storm isn’t sure with that but Gunner goes into a story about being in the Marine Corps and fighting for the men that were beside him. We get a USA chant in Scotland as Storm talks about Gunner needing to take credit for how good he is. Storm loves to be a dad and drink beer at night but his daughter told asked why he was mad at Gunner. Storm couldn’t answer that, so he’s got Gunner’s back no matter what.

They shake hands and seem to make things right when Bad Influence breaks them up. Kaz says the only thing worse than a drunken dime store cowboy is a drunken dime store cowboy. He knows the thing Storm wants more than anything is that briefcase. Daniels suggests a tag match with the briefcase on the line. He’ll do it if he trusts Storm of course. The fight is on and we get a referee as we head to a break.

Bad Influence vs. James Storm/Gunner

We come back from a break with Storm chopping Kaz in the corner before bringing in Gunner for some shots to the head. Gunner gets double teamed down and it’s Daniels taking over with right hands. An enziguri looks to set up the Angel’s Wings but Gunner backdrops him to escape.

Hot tag brings in Storm who cleans house with a middle rope cross body to Daniels but Kaz saves him from the Eye of the Storm. A missile dropkick sends Storm into the corner for a tag to Gunner and the former Marine cleans house. There’s a slingshot suplex to Kaz and a Last Call to Daniels, setting up a top rope headbutt to Kaz for the pin at 8:00.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here for the most part but it wasn’t terrible. There really isn’t a big problem with the match but it came and went so fast (remember that about half of it was spent in a commercial) that it didn’t have time to go anywhere. I can’t picture Gunner as a world title contender but I’m sure there’s more coming to this story.

Video on Samoa Joe’s TNA career.

Roode comes in to see an irate Dixie and demands a title shot in the main event of Lockdown. She tries to throw him out but he says no. Instead Dixie gets her checkbook but that’s not what Roode wants either. Dixie has a week to figure this out and until then, she gets no more favors.

Eric Young is thrilled that he and Abyss get a title shot tonight. ODB isn’t thrilled because she’s worried about Abyss being a monster. She leaves and Abyss walks up with a bag in his hand.

We recap the opening segment.

Here’s Spud to get answers about the investor. First off we insult the crowd by calling them the British B-Team before Spud demands the Wolves come to the ring right now. Spud gets right to the chase, asking who the investor is and even pointing a flashlight in their eyes. He goes on a rant about how awesome he is and says Dixie called him a fierce lion and tiger so talk.

Spud slaps Richards in the face and there go the jackets. Edwards throws Spud in the air and Davey kicks him in the ribs before saying Dixie will find out when everyone else finds out. The investor is also very interested in the main event and if anyone interferes, they’re fired. They’ve got me intrigued if nothing else.

We recap Eric Young revealing that Joseph Park is Abyss.

Tag Titles: Bro Mans vs. Abyss/Eric Young

Robbie throws Eric to the apron to start and we get the Flair strut. Abyss tries to grab Robbie from the apron but gets a stern lecture, allowing Jesse to come in off the top. Abyss comes in for more choking but Eric has to keep telling him to go back to the apron. Eric gets double teamed again before Abyss tries to come in for the third time in about two minutes.

The Bro Mans get to double team Young a bit more and Jesse gets two off a dropkick. Eric is launched into the corner for the tag to Abyss and house is cleaned, including a choke to Zema Ion. The referee pulls Abyss off and gets Shock Treatment for his efforts, drawing a DQ at about 5:00.

Rating: D. This storyline already feels really old and it’s getting even worse. Eric Young’s act of being insane and so crazy he’s brilliant has never appealed to me at all but it’s been going on for years now. The match was boring as we were just waiting for the ending with Abyss going nuts.

Eric gets a chokeslam post match and Abyss walks away.  Young grabs the mic and asks if this is how it ends.  There’s one experiment left so he asks if Abyss wants to get crazy.  Next week: Monster’s Ball.

Eddie Edwards says the investor is coming soon.

Bully Ray is pushing a casket in the back.

Sam Shaw has some wine with Christy Hemme and Sam puts his hand in a candle but doesn’t notice. They go off to see the rest of the palce and we switch to security camera footage. Christy looks out the window and Sam likes her hair down better. They go to another room but Sam sends her to get more wine. He turns on a light and it’s a shrine to Christy with pictures everywhere. Why do I have a feeling that no one is going to, I don’t know, TELL CHRISTY ABOUT THIS?

Here’s Ray with the casket to say Anderson has taken away Aces and 8’s and Ray’s identity. Therefore, Ray wants one final match: a casket match. Anderson comes out so Ray threatens to piledrive Anderson’s wife and kids. The match is accepted and Anderson opens the casket lid, ramming it into Ray’s face. Anderson throws Ray and a chair inside before hitting Ray low. Some chair shots to the back send Ray running and Anderson stands tall.

Video on Angle, talking about him being a cyborg.

Dixie, Ethan and Magnus are ready for the main event.

Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle vs. Magnus/Ethan Carter III

Joe/Angle’s careers vs. a title shot if Magnus loses the fall. Ethan goes behind Angle to start and grabs a headlock. Angle takes him down with an armbar and it’s off to Joe for some right hands in the corner. Back to Angle as this dominance continues, only to have Kurt miss a charge and go shoulder first into the post. We cut to the back and see the Wolves getting out of the car and putting the camera on the ground as a third person gets out of the car.

Back from a break with Ethan holding Angle in a chinlock before it’s off to the champ for the first time. That lasts all of fifteen seconds before it’s back to Ethan who charges into a belly to belly suplex, allowing for the hot tag to Joe. Magnus comes in as well and walks into a powerslam and a bad looking cross armbreaker. Carter gets suplexed on the floor again as Joe locks on the Koquina Clutch for the submission at 9:55.

Rating: D+. Not a match here but the champion shouldn’t be tapping out clean in less than ten minutes. It wasn’t a good match either but it does set up Magnus’ next challenger which wasn’t clear. Also I like Joe getting back in the title scene as he hadn’t been near it for a long time now.

Post match Dixie comes out to yell at Magnus but Joe starts a YOU TAPPED OUT chant. Angle says that he’s done it all here in TNA and now he’s back. Kurt says he’ll take that Hall of Fame induction now and make sure to invite the investor. Dixie demands the investor come out right now and, after a delay, it’s……..MVP. This would have been huge if it was four years ago but now it’s just not bad.

Overall Rating: B-. This show had its faults but it did one thing right: it had me wanting to know who the investor was all the way up until the ending. The reveal wasn’t as good as it could have been but there were several worse options out there. I don’t care to see this storyline yet again but at least it won’t be as miserable as it could have been. At the end of the day, this is what you get with TNA so you have to learn to live with it. Not a great show but it did what it was supposed to.

Results

Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne b. Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa – In Yo Face to Kim

James Storm/Gunner b. Bad Influence – Top rope headbutt to Kazarian

Bro Mans b. Abyss/Eric Young via DQ when Abyss attacked the referee

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe b. Magnus/Ethan Carter III – Koquina Clutch to Magnus

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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