Wrestler of the Day – January 12: Killer Bees

Today we look at a tag team due to one of its members (B. Brian Blair) having a birthday: it’s the Killer Bees.

The mid 1980s were as good of a period as there has even been for tag team wrestling, which is a shame for the Bees. They were an incredibly talented team that never got a chance on top because there were just too many other great teams ahead of them. As luck would have it, there’s a perfect night to showcase the Bees’ talent. On March 15, 1987, there was a one night tag team tournament in Toronto with the winners getting a tag title shot against the Hart Foundation later in the night. We’ll be looking at the Bees’ matches throughout the evening.

First Round: Kamala/Sika vs. Killer Bees

Sika is more famous for being in the Wild Samoans. Has Kamala ever actually won anything? I don’t remember a thing that he actually accomplished. The camera angle is odd at this show as it’s from an angle and the ring is kind of up on a platform if that makes sense. The crowd is kind of small too. The ring looks small too. Valiant isn’t a good talker but he’s energetic. Sika and Brunzell start. For some reason Kamala starts climbing the ropes. Ok then.

No clue why the heels are teaming together. Oh apparently they’re a semi-regular tag team. As always the idea of them registering for a tag team is very funny. Their manager, the Grand Wizard, would be replaced by Mr. Fuji, who Shawn Michaels LOVES. They get a double slam on Kamala which was kind of cool. We get to the formula stuff here as Blair, the less talented of the faces, gets beaten down a lot.

That ends though due to the first instance of something I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of tonight: heel miscommunication. A hot tag to Brunzell and a quick dropkick gets the win for them. On replay, you can see how awesome that one was. He kicked Sika right in the freaking face.

Rating: C+. Not bad for an opener at all. They used your standard formula here but at an accelerated pace. To be fair though, the heels are pretty much crap here though and that’s hurting things. Bees were their usual solid selves, but they were being held down here by bad opponents.

Semi-Finals: Killer Bees vs. Paul Orndorff/King Kong Bundy

Bundy says that they should just get the titles now. Thanks for that Mr. Bundy. The Bees have their trademark masks which is a nice face acting heelish move. There’s no way to tell them apart at this point so I’m not going to try. Again, why is Bundy getting cheered? Apparently Brunzell is in the ring at the moment. This is another quick match as the heels beat down one of the Bees but as they brag to the crowd the Bees do the switch. A rollup ends it.

Rating: D+. Again, just nothing to talk about here. This was maybe 3 minutes long and I have no idea how this is going to end up. This wasn’t great or anything at all but the ending sets up the showdown with Demolition, which fits the power vs. speed idea but it doesn’t leave many surprises for who is going to win.

Finals: Killer Bees vs. Demolition

So it’s a 32 minute final. Yeah I’m thinking NO on that one. Smash and Brunzell start us off as we’re talking about Elvis for no apparent reason. This is very reminiscent of all the other matches, with nothing of note happening and this just being your standard match that could have been on a regular TV show. And this is the final match right? Got it. Demolition is dominating of course and here come the masks. Gorilla said those exact words but I typed them first. I BEAT MONSOON!!! And a sunset flip off the top by Brunzell ends it? Ok then.

Rating: C+. A bit better but still nothing at all to write home about, let alone write a review of 23 years after it happened. Oh never mind. Anyway, nothing great here at all but it could have been much worse I guess. That gives us the Bees vs. the Harts for the titles, in a match that happened about 500 times by Brunzell’s guesses.


Tag Titles: Killer Bees vs. Hart Foundation

Well ok then. Apparently this is the reward for the win. Better than nothing I guess. The Harts try to walk off since the Bees are wearing their masks but they’re declared legal. This should be a good match if nothing else. The masks are removed and we stall some more. Apparently the match has been signed already. That’s impressive since the other match ended like 8 minutes ago. Those are some fast lawyers.

Danny Davis is with them and isn’t wrestling tonight yet he’s wearing the shorts anyway. Ok then. Anvil and Brunzell start us off. Anvil takes his straps off at the very beginning for no adequately explored reason. These four always had solid chemistry together and this doesn’t seem to be any exception. A fan jumps the railing for reasons of genuine idiocy. Brunzell runs into Anvil and everyone is down.

We get a lot of standard tag stuff, such as the hot tag with the referee not looking and the slam getting dropkicked for a cover for a long two. The masks go back on and we get a double sleeper. Brunzell gets a small package on Hart but Davis turns it over, allowing Hart to get the pin and keep the titles. Post match the Bees beat up Davis to an ERUPTION.

Rating: B-. By far the best match of the night. I think Brunzell once said these two teams wrestled between 300 and 600 times and it shows. This is one of their weaker matches but it’s still pretty decent stuff, given that they had like 8 minutes to do it in. Not great, but good enough.

Since this is from a very old review and the writing sucks, here’s a match that showcases the tag team division far better. It’s from the first Survivor Series.

Team Hart Foundation vs. Team Strike Force

Hart Foundation, Bolsheviks, Demolition, Dream Team, Islanders

Strike Force, British Bulldogs, Killer Bees, Young Stallions, Fabulous Rougeaus

The rules here are that if one member of a team is eliminated, both members are out so it’s still just five eliminations needed. Strike Force recently stunned the Harts for the titles. I think you should know every team here. The Dream Team is Greg Valentine and Dino Bravo and the Stallions are Jim Powers and Paul Roma. I’m a big Strike Force fan so it’s good to see the fans pop loudly for them.

I’ve seen this show many times as it was one of my favorite tapes but I’ve never figured something out: for this and the main event, the lights are turned down. Why would that be the case? It’s clearly darker in the arena now and it’s not a dome with sunlight coming in or anything. I’ve never gotten that. Volkoff and Martel start things off. There are so many people on the apron that you can’t see most of the ring from a standard camera shot.

Volkoff powers him down to start before bringing in Zhukov. Since Zhukov is pretty much worthless, Martel beats him up and brings in Santana for the forearm out of nowhere for the quick pin. Santana’s reward for the pin: he gets to fight Ax. Ax does his pounding but knocks Tito into the corner and it’s off to Jacques Rougeau who speeds things up with a jumping back elbow to take over.

Dino Bravo comes in and the good guys start speeding up their tags. I’m sorry for all of the play by play in this but when you have 18 guys in a match there isn’t much room for analysis or anything else. After Bravo gets beaten up by about five different guys we wind up with Smash vs. Dynamite and the Bulldog (Dynamite) gets caught in the heel corner. Well actually it would be the heel side of the ring because they don’t all fit in one corner but corner sounds better.

Off to Haku and they chop it out before Dynamite tags in a Killer Bee who tags in the other Killer Bee. Neidhart comes in and gets his legs stretched by Brunzell and Roma. Back to Smash and then Ax who beat on the (somehow) future Horseman. I’m not listing a lot of the tags as there are probably five of them a minute and there’s no point in listing off stuff like “Ax comes in and hits Roma once before tagging back out.”

Roma tags in Powers who gets beaten down just as fast as Roma did, so it’s off to Jacques again. Not that it matters much as Jacques misses a cross body and Smash gets a quick pin. That’s good as we’re now down to sixteen guys left in the match. Off to Dynamite vs. Tama but Powers comes in, only to hesitate and gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Neidhart comes in and puts him in an over the shoulder powerbomb position as Haku drops a double ax (is there a single ax?) to the chest.

Off to Roman who gets beaten up by Ax and then Valentine. The Stallions are jobbers for all intents and purposes but they were great at selling so there was a point to having them around. Bravo comes in and hits a gutwrench suplex for two. Roma crawls over and brings in a Killer Bee who tags out to Dynamite almost immediately to face Smash. Smash fires off something similar to Sheamus’ ten forearms but shoves the referee, drawing the DQ to knock out Demolition. Notice that they kept Demolition VERY strong here and didn’t let them get pinned.

Bret immediately comes in and piledrives Dynamite for only two. Jesse immediately starts singing Bret’s praises as he was known to do. Bret misses a charge and hits the post shoulder first and it’s off to Powers again to face Tama. Tama misses a Vader Bomb and there’s the tag to Martel. Rick cleans house but when he puts the Boston Crab on he’s too close to the ropes and Neidhart gets a tag.

Rick gets away enough to bring in Santana who hits the forearm almost immediately for two. The saving shot to the back of Santana’s head by Bret is enough for Neidhart to get a pin and eliminate the champions. To recap, we have the Harts, the Dream Team and the Islanders vs. the Bulldogs, the Stallions and the Bees. At least now things can slow down a lot. Haku hits a HIGH dropkick on Powers as Jesse talks about his great great grandfather coming over on the Mayflower.

Valentine comes in and does Arn Anderson’s jump in the air and get crotched spot. Anvil (Neidhart for you schmucks out there) comes in and hot shots Powers followed by a superkick from Haku. Off to Valentine who has his suplex countered but still blocks the tag by bringing in Hitman. Bret suplexes Powers but Roma is still able to get the tag somehow. Back to Valentine who comes off the middle rope with a shot to the back for two.

In something you rarely see, Bret whips Roma into the ropes and knocks Valentine off the apron. Bret misses a dropkick and there’s the tag to Dynamite. A belly to back gets two for the Kid and it’s off to Roma which is a pretty questionable move given the beating he’s taken. Off to Haku vs. Blair as Roma was only in for a few seconds. Davey comes in and it’s power vs. power. Make that power vs. Powers but Jim misses a corner charge and Haku tags Anvil.

Powers dives away from Bret and it’s time for Davey Boy vs. Bret in a Summerslam 92 preview. Davey uses a perfect gorilla press on Hart and hits the powerslam for two on Haku. Dynamite tries a middle rope headbutt (notice all the similarities between Dynamite and Benoit. Benoit basically cloned himself after Dynamite) on Haku but knocks himself silly, allowing Haku to superkick him for the elimination.

It’s 3-2 now and Roma immediately charges in with a dropkick for two. Off to Bravo who misses an elbow and it’s off to Powers. Why won’t they tag the Bees already? Valentine Hammers away on Powers as do both Harts. Valentine comes in for a second before handing it off to Bravo again. Dino hits his side suplex but tags off to Valentine for the Figure Four, which is countered by a kick to the back. Off to Roma who sunset flips Valentine off the top to make it 2-2 (Stallions/Bees vs. Islanders/Harts).

The Bees double team Anvil in a match that by their own words probably happened 300 times over the years. Brunzell hits a high knee to the face for two and it’s off to Bret who does about as well. Tama comes in and takes out Roma and it’s off to Haku. Haku misses a legdrop and it’s back to Brunzell. Brunzell hiptosses him into the heel corner for some reason and Bret comes back in. Roma gets two off a middle rope fist but Hart comes right back with a belly to back suplex.

The Islanders hit a double headbutt and this referee counts SLOW. Haku pounds on Roma and hits a dropkick which is rather impressive for a guy his size. It’s not quite as impressive as Anvil doing a dropkick of his own (literally 2 seconds after Monsoon says he’d like to see Neidhart try one) though. Bret comes back in and Roma slides between Bret’s legs and tags in Brunzell.

Brunzell tries to slam Hart but Tama dropkicks Bret’s back. Brunzell rolls through and gets a fast pin to eliminate the Harts and get us down to 2-1. Tama hooks a nerve hold on Brunzell followed by a shoulderbreaker from Haku. That gets two so Haku puts on a nerve hold of his own. Now Tama puts on ANOTHER nerve hold. To be fair we’re over half an hour into this so the guys are likely getting tired.

Brunzell tries a sunset flip but there’s no strength in it at all and he only gets two. He FINALLY gets a tag off to Powers who tags in Roma for a powerslam for two. Things start to break down a bit and the Bees being in the ring allow the Islanders to double team Roma a bit. Roma escapes enough to tag Blair but Tama kicks him before Blair can even get in. Tama misses an elbow and it’s off to Brunzell again for some reason. He can barely get Tama over for a backdrop but the signature dropkick gets two. Everything breaks down and Blair puts on his mask (it was a thing the Bees did to cheat) and sunset flips Tama for the pin.

Rating: C-. This match just kept going on and on and it was kind of exhausting to sit through. It runs nearly forty minutes and by the end there were no combinations we hadn’t seen already. You could easily cut out fifteen minutes of this match and it would have improved greatly. If you like tag wrestling, find a copy of this NOW but otherwise be ready to fast forward a lot. It’s not a bad match or anything but man alive is it long.

As I said, the Bees were one of the best teams to never hold the tag titles. They just came up at the wrong time and didn’t have a chance with teams like the Bulldogs, the Harts, Demolition and Strike Force out there getting all of the glory. Still though, they were very exciting to watch and could put on clinics with anyone. Also here’s a bit of trivia for you: Blair faced Hulk Hogan in Hogan’s first ever professional match.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 11: Abdullah the Butcher

Today’s is a wrestler that is much more about the legacy than any individual accomplishments: Abdullah the Butcher.

Abdullah is a guy who took on an entirely different persona than he actually lived. Born in Canada, he took on the persona of a crazy man from the Sudan who never spoke in America and had handlers to do his talking for him. He never stuck around in one place for too long, meaning he was never going to win much more than a regional title. More often than not his story was that he was brought in by a big heel to take care of a big face, meaning this is going to be a different kind of look today. Basically I’ll just be looking at a handful of random matches from around the world, as Abdullah has been everywhere other than the WWF.

First up we’ll look at a match from World Championship Wrestling in the 1970s. Now a lot of you must be saying WCW didn’t exist in the 70s and if you only know of one WCW, you would be correct. This is World Championship Wrestling from Australia. I’m not sure on a date but the promotion closed in December 1978 so it’s before then at the latest.

Mark Lewin vs. Abdullah the Butcher

This is a called a war match so I’m assuming this is an old feud. Lewin is a guy most famous for his brawling so it should be a good fight. Butcher headbutts him into the corner and chokes away but Lewin comes back with some hard right hands to the head. More right hands knock the Butcher around before Lewin whips him into the corner over and over. Now it’s Butcher with right hands as this has been almost nothing but punches. Lewin grabs his sleeper finisher but has to dropkick Butcher’s handler Big Bad John. Butcher ducks a charging Lewin to send him into the ropes, tying his head in the cables for the eventual DQ.

Rating: D. This was exactly what it was supposed to be, though I’ve never heard of a war ending on a disqualifications. Lewin was a guy who was only going to work in the old system of wrestling. He wasn’t bad but it was all character instead of much to see in the ring, which was perfect for the 70s.

Post match King Curtis Iaukea (top star of the territory) comes out for the save but is sent into the buckle to put him down. Butcher goes after the referee but Iaukea gets up and fights Butcher off. Lewin declares the war is still on.

Now it’s off to Japan in 1982 for a match with a guy you may have heard of: Hulk Hogan.

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan looks far less cut up here. He’s still big and muscular but there’s nowhere near the definition. A LOUD Hogan chant starts up but Butcher shoves him away. Hulk shoves him right back but no one goes anywhere off running shoulder blocks. A jumping knee is enough to send Butcher to the floor though as the crowd is way into this. We hit the bearhug from Hogan for a change and he lifts the 400lb Butcher up in a nice power display.

Butcher finally goes to the eyes to escape and sends Hogan outside with one shot. They brawl on the floor with Hogan taking over and putting on a sleeper back inside. A running clothesline puts Butcher down but Hulk’s splash hits legs. Not knees, but legs as Butcher doesn’t raise anything. Butcher goes to the forehead and you can see Hogan blade.

A fork shot to the cut has Hogan’s blood all over Abdullah’s ample stomach and he rolls to the floor. Back in and Butcher hits a brainbuster and the elbow for two but it’s time to Hulk Up (not yet perfected). Hogan punches him to the floor and they head into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D+. Eh it’s Hogan against a monster with a hot crowd so what else are you expecting? Butcher would have been great as a heel of the month against Hogan on the WWF house show circuit but he never came to the company. Hogan was his usual self here instead of being the different guy he normally was in Japan.

To avoid the scorn of certain commenters, here’s a match against Andre the Giant from Puerto Rico at the WWC’s first anniversary show on September 13, 1983.

Andre the Giant vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Andre easily knocks him out to the floor with ease before bringing him back inside for some HARD right hands and chops in the corner. The Butcher stops a “charging” Andre with an uppercut in the corner before headbutting him down to the mat. Choking ensues but Andre comes back with chops to the chest. Abduallah pulls something out of his pants and jabs Andre in the throat before they lay on each other in the corner. Andre gets tired of this fighting stuff and just goes off on the Butcher, knocking him out through the ropes and into the crowd for a double countout.

Rating: D-. The wrestling sucked but watching Andre beat on people is always worth seeing, especially when he could still move. It’s not a good match at all but the fans were into seeing the EVIL Butcher get what was coming to him from someone he couldn’t push around. More fun than good and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We’ll stay in Puerto Rico with an ultra rare Zeus match from the 1990 anniversary show on July 7, 1990. And yes, it’s that Zeus.

Zeus vs. Abdullah the Butcher

In case you’ve never heard of him, Zeus was an actor that was brought in as a monster heel against Hogan, only for everyone to realize that he’s an actor, meaning he can’t wrestle. It’s a brawl on the floor to start as the fans are INSANE for this match. Zeus mauls the Butcher on the floor before the bell and poses in the ring but that just warms Abdullah up. We go inside with Butcher, apparently a crowd favorite here, staring at Zeus as trash is thrown into the ring.

Zeus chokes away in the corner before putting on an awkward looking bearhug. Butcher gets pounded down in the corner as Zeus clearly can’t do more than one or two moves. Again, not his fault as he’s not a wrestler. The Butcher comes back with a shot to the throat but Zeus pounds away with left hands and chokes Abdullah into the corner. Abdullah won’t go down though and pulls out his trusty fork, only to have Zeus take it away and put on another bearhug.

Butcher finally remembers those Hulk Hogan tapes he watched and goes to the eyes to escape and Zeus is in big trouble. The elbow (signature move) only gets one on Zeus and it’s back to the choking. No one goes anywhere off some shoulder blocks so Zeus chokes some more. Butcher comes back with a single right hand to put Zeus on the mat and it’s off to a nerve hold.

Zeus glares his way out of the hold and monkey flips Abdullah (seriously) down for some more choking. A few kicks to the ribs put Zeus in more trouble and they slug it out some more. Butcher knocks Zeus outside but he puts on a bearhug from the apron. They head outside and Zeus blasts him with a wooden podium as we get a double countout.

Rating: C. That rating only works if you look at it as ANYTHING other than a wrestling match. This was a spectacle instead of a match and that’s the best way it could have worked. Zeus wasn’t a wrestler and couldn’t do much more than bearhugs and chokes but you can’t hold that against him. Incredibly fun stuff here.

We’ll close things out with one of only three matches from Butcher’s most famous run in America. It’s the Chamber of Horrors match at Halloween Havoc 1991, which is a huge team match but when else am I going to get to talk about this?

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher/Diamond Studd/Big Van Vader vs. Steiner Brothers/El Gignate/Sting

Oh boy it’s the Chamber of Horrors. Now if you’ve never heard of this, clear some room off your list of absurd gimmicks. This is inside a cage similar to the Cell, although there’s no top on it and the holes in the cage are bigger. Inside are coffins, skeletons and a few weapons. The idea of the match is that everyone is fighting at once and at some point during the match, an electric chair will lower from the ceiling. Someone must be placed in the chair, strapped down and someone from the other team has to throw a switch, “electrocuting” them. And somehow, it’ll be even dumber than it sounds.

Oh and Gigante is replacing the injured Windham and Cactus is replacing Oz, although Oz will be in a match later and apparently Oz replaced Jack in that match. No idea why they made the switch. Jack comes out with a chainsaw minus the chain. Sting is US Champion here and yes, this is really what they’re using him for. Cactus jumps Sting on the ramp and Abdullah helps, but Rick comes out for the save. This is before we’re even in the cage. Well Rick was but he left because it’s just a cage so why should it be hard to stay inside?

In the ring Scott kills the Studd with a Tiger Driver while Gigante fights Vader. Sting gets a kendo stick to pound away on everyone he sees. Well everyone that isn’t on his team that is. Or the referee either. Speaking of the referee, he has a camera on his head here which is really more annoying than anything else. That could be an interesting idea for an angle but it never went anywhere.

People in masks pop out of those caskets. They don’t do anything but they pop out anyway. Sting clotheslines Vader to the floor and Gigante pulls Studd off of the cage wall. The Steiners hit their top rope DDT on Cactus as the chair is lowered. Vader knocks Rick into the chair but Rick clotheslines his way out of it. Sting throws a casket lid up in the air so it lands on Cactus’ head.

Now we have ghouls coming out with a stretcher. Again they don’t do anything but they’re there. Scott shatters a kendo stick over Cactus’ head, breaking him open. Cactus and Sting climb the cage and ram each other into it, which is one of the few actual clear brawls in the match. The rest of it is too hard to call because of the awful camera work. Sting has the stick now and stabs Hall with it.

It’s pretty much impossible to call this match as everything is all over the place and it’s just random brawling. Sting is busted open, as is Abdullah. Cactus goes for the switch as Rick is put in the chair, but the future Freakzilla makes the save. The heels get Rick into the chair for a second but he fights out of it pretty quickly. He gets put in there again and Cactus goes for the switch. Steiner suplexes Abdullah into the chair instead and after Cactus takes FOREVER to stand next to the switch, he throws the lever and Abdullah gets “electrocuted.”

Rating: W. As in wow, what were they smoking, or why. You can pick whichever you like and I think it’ll be fine. This was a huge mess but to me, this is pure nostalgia. I haven’t seen this match in years but I still remember about 80% of the commentary word for word. The match is terrible and incredibly stupid but it’s a fond memory for me so I can’t hate it.

Cactus checks on Abdullah post match but the Butcher gets up and beats up the ghouls that brought out the stretcher earlier.

Abdullah the Butcher is one of those guys that doesn’t have a definitive history because he was the traveling attraction of the old days. As I said, he never was around in one place all that much and if it was he was little more than a bigger villain’s hired goon. He’s a guy who lived off his reputation and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 9: Ludvig Borga

We continue our international trend with perhaps the only major wrestler ever to come out of Finland and a guy I’ve grown to like a lot more in the last few years: Ludvig Borga.

Borga, real name Tony Halme) was a legitimate tough guy with a boxing background, only enhanced by being a jerk based on most reports of his attitude in the locker room. Halme started off over in Japan for NJPW, including this match against Big Van Vader. I can’t find a date on it but it would likely be from the early 1990s.

Big Van Vader vs. Tony Halme

Vader is the big crowd favorite here. They stall to start with neither guy interested in doing much. Vader taunts Halme with some strange noises so Halme fires off punches to the ample midsection. That’s fine with Vader as he pounds away in the corner to take us to a stalemate. More punches have Vader in trouble as the announcers talk about Sting and WCW, putting this at some point in 1992 or later.

Vader comes back with a splash in the corner and a suplex to send Halme to the floor. A few shots have Halme in trouble on the outside but he milks the referee’s count for all it’s worth before coming back inside. Vader misses a splash and Halme gets his first advantage with some hard elbows and stomps. A back elbow and running clothesline get two for Tony and a top rope clothesline sends Vader to the apron.

More shots to the ribs have Vader in trouble but he just blasts Halme in the face and sits on him. Simple yet effective. The standing splash puts Halme down again and some hard clotheslines have him rocked. He starts no selling and says bring it on, so Vader runs him over again. A pair of splashes get two but Vader misses a cannonball down onto Halme’s chest, letting Tony grab a quick cover for the upset pin.

Rating: C. Surprising ending aside, this was one heck of a slugout with both guys beating the tar out of each other. Early 90s Vader is as good of a monster as you’ll ever find and it’s a treat to see him just punch people in the face. The ending was really surprising and sucked the air out of the crowd which isn’t a good thing most of the time.

Halme’s Japanese stuff was good enough to get him hired by the WWF with his first prominent match being held at Summerslam 1993.

Marty Jannetty vs. Ludvig Borga

Borga is basically the original Antonio Cesaro but from Finland. Marty fires away to start but gets punched in the corner by the former boxer. A hard clothesline puts Jannetty down before Borga throws him into the air for an uppercut (much like Cesaro). More punches in the corner have Jannetty in trouble and a clothesline stops his comeback dead. Borga blows his nose on Jannetty before putting on a bearhug. Marty escapes and makes a quick comeback with a pair of superkicks but gets caught in a powerslam and a torture rack for the submission.

Rating: D-. This was one of the lamer squashes I can remember in a long time. Borga looked slow and limited in the ring but the rack looked good. Other than that though, Borga came off as much more flash than substance. He would get better, but at the end of the day he never quite did anything in the company.

Borga’s anti-American rhetoric made him the perfect opponent for the American Hero Lex Luger, which culminated in a Survivor Series match between the All-Americans and the Foreign Fanatics.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

The Quebecers are the tag champions and have Johnny Raven Polo as their manager. Yoko is world champion. Jacques and Scott start things off and Jacques offers a handshake. Scott says screw you in classic Freakzilla style. Scott hits a quick belly to belly for two and it’s off to Rick. Jacques brings in Yoko and things slow down almost immediately. Rick hits a clothesline and a shoulder to knock Yoko out to the floor but it doesn’t do much good.

Off to Borga who died in the last year or so. Rick gets knocked to the floor but comes back in off the top with a shoulder for no cover. Borga misses an elbow and Rick goes up again, coming off with a cross body. Borga rolls through it and Rick isn’t moving at all, giving Borga an easy pin. Rick finally starts moving and holds his leg, so I’m thinking that’s a legit injury. Rick can’t stand up on the floor.

Scott comes in next and gets to fight Jacques. Rick eventually limps off on his own power which is a good sign at least. Scott hits a great gorilla press but Crush catches a falling Jacques and I guess that’s a tag. Steiner wants nothing to do with a test of strength so Crush pounds on him a bit. A butterfly powerbomb puts Crush down and apparently Savage is back in the building. Crush kicks Scott down and here’s Macho.

Crush throws Scott down to the floor over the top but he won’t go after Savage. Randy gets sent to the back and the dull match continues as Scott may have hurt his knee on that fall. The knee gets targeted now with Crush firing away some kicks and Savage is coming back AGAIN. Scott dropkicks Crush to the floor and Crush goes after Savage for long enough to draw a countout.

Jacques goes after the injured Scott now with a rear chinlock followed by an elbow to the jaw for two. Scott somehow hits a gorilla press on Jacques and there’s the tag to Lex. He slams Jacques down and drops a middle rope elbow for the elimination. It’s now Lex, Taker and Scott vs. Borga and Yoko. Borga comes in to face the still limping Scott. Taker hasn’t been in the match yet.

Borga pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yoko comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yoko eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Luger comes in as we’re almost 20 minutes in with no Taker at all yet. Borga, a Finn, waves the Japanese flag. Yoko misses a splash and Lex pounds away, only to get clotheslined down with ease. Off to Borga who runs Luger over again and kicks him in the ribs. Back to Yoko who misses a charge, and it’s FINALLY off to Taker.

Taker hits his running DDT and sits up but a Borga distraction lets Yoko suplex Taker down. There’s the situp and another after a clothesline. A legdrop keeps Taker down and there’s the Banzai, but Yoko goes for another, and Taker moves. A clothesline puts Yoko on the floor and they brawl to a double countout. See you at the Rumble boys. Taker was legally in the match for less than two minutes and forty seconds.

So it’s Lex vs. Borga now and as Taker and Yoko brawl on the floor. Ludvig has taken over and drops a leg on Lex. A side slam puts Lex down for two and Borga gets more two’s off various other power moves. He isn’t covering well though so he isn’t ready to pin Luger yet. A suplex puts Borga down and they clothesline each other. With Cornette distracting the referee, Borga hits Lex with Fuji’s salt bucket for two. Lex gets fired up and hits a powerslam and the loaded forearm for the final pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work either. Taker was the main draw of the match and he wasn’t even in there for a tenth of the match. Yoko vs. Taker would go on to screw up two PPVs and Lex would never get the title, basically making the second half of 1993 totally pointless. This match didn’t work at all, and a lot of that is due to the heel lineup. Unless there was an injury or something, I don’t get why Pierre was taken out.

Borga had one more prominent match at a house show in Lowell, Massachusetts on December 14, 1994 which was released on Coliseum Video’s Inside the WWF.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Ludvig Borga

It’s always interesting to see an arena so small that you can see the walls during the entrances. They talk a lot of trash to start until Borga shoves him around and lifts the very large Razor in the air for a choke. A headlock has Razor in more trouble and a hard shoulder puts the champion down. Ludvig easily wins a test of strength but Razor comes back with some kicks to the ribs and a suplex to send Borga running to the floor.

Borga can’t quite suplex Razor to the floor but the champion hooks a suplex of his own for two. A clothesline puts Razor down again but Borga misses an elbow. Razor comes back with right hands but gets caught by a jumping clothesline. Borga follows up with the clothesline’s top rope cousin for a shocking three count but Razor’s foot was on the ropes. Razor can barely move so Ludvig picks him up for a side slam, only to miss a charge into the corner and get suplexed down for two.

A belly to back superplex sets up the Razor’s Edge but the referee gets bumped, allowing Shawn Michaels to run in. Dang that’s some serious overbooking for a house show match. Borga covers for the pin and the title, but another referee FINALLY comes out to say what happened, giving Razor the DQ win to keep the title. Side note: there are two title belts now due to Shawn bringing his own. I wonder what that could lead to.

Rating: C-. As mentioned, that was a pretty overbooked match for something at this level. Razor wasn’t really doing much out there but the false finishes had the crowd way into things. That’s one of the cool things about house shows: you can get different finishes like this that play to the crowd in the arena instead of the national audience. It’s very different but very fun.

That’s really about it for Borga. He was only in the WWF about ten months but he’s consistently remembered as a top heel and for good reason. The guy was kind of a combination Antonio Cesaro and Ken Shamrock. He played the evil foreigner to perfection and had the boxing skills to make him a dual threat. Borga would wind up being the Finnish National Boxing Champion, an MMA fighter (0-4 career record) and a member of Parliament. To say he was an interesting guy is an understatement, but his backstage attitude was apparently horrible and people were glad to see him go. I’ve always been a fan and would have loved to see more of him.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 8: Bushwhackers and Chris Masters

Today doesn’t have the best options so you get a double shot: Chris Masters and the Bushwhackers due to Luke’s birthday.

We’ll start with the older of the two. Luke Williams is of course one half of the Bushwhackers who got their start as the bloodthirsty team known as the Sheepherders. Their most famous match was at the 1986 Crockett Cup Tag Team Tournament against the Fantastics, though the full version doesn’t exist on video as far as I know.

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Sheepherders vs. Fantastics

 

Big brawl to start and the Fantastics clear the ring. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton until the Fantastics dropkick everything in sight to send them to the floor. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton. I’ve seen this before it seems. Out to the floor for more dropkicking and it turns into a brawl. Fulton is beaten down on the floor and can barely move. Rodgers is ticked off because of it.

 

Clipped to Luke beating on Fulton but the flag bearer messes up, resulting in Luke going into the flag. There’s the hot tag to Rodgers and Butch is busted open. The cameraman and referee are taken out and now Fulton is busted as well. The flag bearer tries to cheat again and one more time it doesn’t work. The future Wackers get the flag stick in the ring and beat on Fulton with it but as is the case in wrestling, they get beat on with it as well. Another referee comes down to wake up the first and it’s another double DQ. That means the Road Warriors are in the finals as well.

 

Rating: B. Meltzer gave THIS five stars? It’s a fun brawl and WAY violent for its time, but the clipping must have killed it because this wasn’t a classic or anything resembling one. It’s good and the most fun match on the show so far, but if the full version was 15 minutes, this was the low half of it. My mind continues to be blown by his ratings at times as this is one of the matches better than Savage vs. Steamboat? Really?

The team would stick around the NWA for a few more years before jumping to the WWF, where they were mainly used as a comedy team that feuded with the Rougeau Brothers, including a match at Wrestlemania V.

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

ALL AMERICAN BOYS BABY! That would be the Rougeau’s theme song and one of the most awesome entrances in company history. Seriously, go Youtube that thing. Jimmy Hart loses his jacket somehow but the Rougeaus save it in a humane act. Not that it matters as the Bushwhackers clear the ring a second later. Luke and Ray start things off and Ray quickly takes him down. I turn my head for a minute and come back to hearing Jesse say “So as far as you’re concerned, tear down the Statue of Liberty?” Like I said, commentary was a bit different back then.

Luke and Butch clear the ring of Rougeaus again before it’s down to Luke and Jacques. Butch tries to interfere for no apparent reason and Luke gets caught in a Boston Crab. In a sequence that has haunted me for years, Ray loads up Luke for a slam and while Luke is upside down, he rubs Ray’s crotch. There’s nothing more to it than that and to this day I don’t know why he did that.

Anyway Ray puts on an abdominal stretch as a fan or two chants USA. In theory that would be for the Rougeaus here who are the All American Boys facing the guys from New Zealand. The Rougeaus prematurely hug and get caught by the Battering Ram and a double gutbuster is good for the pin on Ray out of nowhere.

Rating: D. It’s a comedy match and not a very fun one. This is called a big upset but I don’t really see how you can call it that. It’s not like either team is great or even good here and the Bushwhackers were still brand new here, so presumably they had won most of their matches up to this point. I don’t get it but whatever.

Even though they were a comedy team, the Bushwhackers did get the occasional tag title shot, such as this one against the Nasty Boys at Saturday Night’s Main Event #29.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Bushwhackers

This is the Nastys’ first major defense since winning the belts from the Hart Foundation at Wrestlemania 7. Brian pounds away on Luke in the corner but Luke comes back and scares Knobbs into the corner. Some shoulders in the corner have Luke in trouble but everything breaks down with the Bushwhackers taking over. The Nastys are sent to the floor for some regrouping before we get down to Sags vs. Butch. Sags gets kneed in the chest and a double clothesline gets two as everything breaks down again.

A pair of Battering Rams send the Nastys to the floor and the challengers strut a bit. Things settle down and Luke gets elbowed over and over for two. Butch breaks up a cover and gets a hot tag to clean house on the champions. Knobbs gets two off a clothesline and everything breaks down yet again. We get a botched near fall with Butch being thrown onto Knobbs but Sags is late breaking up the pin. Knobbs double legs Luke and Sags adds a bit of leverage for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was horrible quality but keep in mind that this was a TV special before the idea of top level weekly wrestling became a big deal. The Bushwhackers were as fun of a team as you could ask for and the fans always got into them. It’s not a good match or anything but the crowd liked it.

We’ll wrap up the team with an entry from perhaps the worst show ever: Heroes of Wrestling.

Bushwackersvs. NikolaiVolkoff/IronSheik

I’m calling them the Bushwackers as they’re Luke and Butch, formerly the Bushwackers. There’s some guy with Volkoff but he’s another guy that is imitating a better manager. I’m just not sure who he’s imitating. We get the USA chant going, despite the faces being from New Zealand but this isn’t the smartest crowd in the world.

 

The manager is dressed up in a Russian military uniform. Oh dear. He speaks English with a so bad it’s funny but the show is so bad it’s not funny accent if that makes sense. Oh and Volkoff is now an Olympian also. We get the Russian National Anthem of course and the Persian clubs which are as old school as possible.

 

The clubs become Iranian all of a sudden and we’re three minutes into this. Sheik needs to humble someone. It would be more entertaining. We hear about Hogan and Backlund for no reason at all but whatever. That’s my word for this show: whatever. We’re at about 5 minutes of build for this disaster. I guess Bushwackers is a copyrighted term.

 

Somehow they look better than anyone else. Luke licked my face once. Can we get the tape of the Bushwackers on Family Matters instead of me having to watch this atrocity? Apparently they’ve won tag titles in 26 countries. Well ok then. The heels jump them early to start to further establish that they’re EVIL. Dutch explains the term short end of the stick which has some kind of scale according to him. Please, just take me now.

 

Sheik gets on the mic and says if they keep chanting USA then he’ll leave. You know what comes next. The announcers argue about cutting each other off. I hate this show quite a bit. They’re really trying to get this whole they’re Heroes thing embedded in. Can we just watch Heroes instead? Just the first season though as it’s by far the best. Sheik is wearing shorts also.

 

The kicks they’re throwing aren’t even close at all. How much are these guys being paid? I guarantee you it’s too much. After a “slam” Nikolai covers Luke and Butch comes in for the save. He doesn’t need to though as Nikolai reacts to the saving shot before it hits so there we are again.

 

The camel clutch, which made British Bulldog tap inside of 5 seconds in 1986 is on for 15 seconds before Butch saves. At least I think he saved as we cut to a shot of the manager so for all I know Butch just did the Charleston for awhile and Sheik didn’t like his movement and showed him what to do. Who knows though?

 

I do however know that the manager raised his right arm. You can hear individual lines from the fans by the way. And I mean individual conversations, not just random screams. ANOTHER foreign object misses and Luke pins Sheik with the fastest count this side of Nick Patrick gets the three. The heels almost fight afterwards but they hug it out.

Rating: G+. That’s below an F-. This was stupid and bad. I think it was a comedy match but I couldn’t tell. They did manage to name the heel team The Iron Curtain though which I can’t believe no one got that before. We’re half done with this and I want to cry. Or die, either one. Getting humbled wouldn’t be bad either. When the Bushwackers are the best workers in there, that’s not saying a lot at all.

Overall the Bushwhackers were perfectly fine for what they were in the WWF: a comedy act to give the kids something fun. Luke even licked my face at a house show once which is one of those things you just don’t forget no matter what. They were the polar opposites as the Sheepherders and got to show more of their talents with the original gimmick.

Moving on to Chris Masters. If there’s ever been a guy only known for one thing, this is it. That’s a shame too as the guy had some actual talent. He would starts in OVW as part of a team with Brent Albright before debuting on Raw doing his Masterlock Challenge. The idea was simple: break his full nelson and get cash. His first major feud was against Shawn Michaels, culminating in a match at Unforgive 2005.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Masters

 

Masters is undefeated here. Shawn does his in ring entrance but Masters grabs him in the Masterlock (full nelson) before the bell rings. See, why don’t more people get that idea? The bell rings and Shawn counters this time. Shawn takes over and dives to the floor, hitting a bunch of right hands after a plancha connects. Masters is sent into the steps as the idea is he’s shaken up from never being tested before.

 

Shawn grabs a chair but gets it taken away, allowing Masters to get a shot in to take over. Masters is put into a powerbomb position and rammed back first into the post twice. Back in the ring Masters takes over and drops a leg for two. A delayed vertical gets two. Michaels can’t get anything going because of his back and the power of Masters. Off to a backbreaker but Masters holds Shawn over the knee for a submission attempt.

 

Shawn tries a crucifix but Masters counters into a full nelson attempt. Instead here’s a torture rack and the referee goes old school by checking the arm. Shawn counters into a sunset flip for two. Masters is bleeding from the nose. Here’s the Masterlock but Shawn goes rudo and kicks Masters low while he’s got the referee distracted. A slugout is won by HBK and there’s the forearm (called the Flying Burrito by JR) followed by the nipup.

 

The top rope elbow hits and it’s time to stomp the mat loudly to let my opponent know that his finisher is coming. Like clockwork Masters ducks and hooks the Masterlock. Shawn fights to the corner and gets over the top rope somehow, forcing a break. Masters tries the hold again but Shawn escapes and there’s the superkick for the pin. Shawn collapsing after getting the pin is always a nice touch.

 

Rating: B. Good stuff here as Shawn does his usual stuff but still pulls out a good match. He knew timing, which is what so many wrestlers have no clue about. He knew how to make his comebacks mean stuff and played everything to perfection. Good stuff which you never see from most young guys because it’s not important to learn in the eyes of the trainers today.

Masters would stay near the top of the card and get a world title shot at New Year’s Revolution 2006 inside the Elimination Chamber.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.

The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the freaking match.

Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.

Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.

You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as anything you can think of. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.

At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.

I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.

Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.

Masters’ career would take a sharp downturn after this as he would be stuck in the midcard until being released at the end of 2007. He would move on to various international tours before coming back to WWE in 2009. Here’s a random match against January 18, 2010 against Randy Orton.

Chris Masters vs. Randy Orton

Masters has the always gorgeous Eve Torres with him here. The bell rings and we immediately get Sheamus, Orton’s opponent at the upcoming Royal Rumble. Masters hits a quick shoulder but can’t get the Master Lock. A scoop slam gets two for Chris but he walks into the backbreaker for no cover. The RKO is countered into the Master Lock but Orton eventually makes a rope. In an awkward looking ending, Masters leans forward to grab the hold again but Orton just puts on the RKO for the pin.

Masters wouldn’t do much in WWE after this as he would be stuck on Superstars for the most part. He would be released a year or so later and get back to the indies.

Overall Chris Masters is a guy who was a victim of the current WWE creative process. He clearly has talent but he was given one of the least creative gimmicks possible and when it didn’t get over, his push stopped cold. That’s the opposite of how pushes used to work; back in the day you would keep switching gimmicks until you found what worked because the talent was there. Now it’s the writers who have all the ideas and if you don’t get over, it’s off to Superstars with you. That’s a shame too as Masters had potential.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 7: Chavo Guerrero Jr.

We stick with the Hispanic names today as we look at Chavo Guerrero Jr. due to it being Chavo Sr.’s birthday.

Of course Chavo is best known as the nephew of Eddie Guerrero and part of the Guerrero Family. He got his start in WCW back in 1996 and in WCW tradition, a career record of 1-1 is enough for a United States Title match, which he received against Ric Flair from August 3, 1996 on WCW Saturday Night.

US Title: Ric Flair vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

The announcers spend most of the match talking about the Outsiders attacking WCW guys in the back at Nitro and Giant vs. Hogan at Hog Wild. Flair and Chavo wrestle to the mat with Flair in control, only to have Chavo nip up and take Ric down by the leg. Back up and Chavo gets the fans clapping so Flair throws him to the floor. Woman rakes Chavo’s eyes but they trade chops back inside, only to have Flair atomic drop Guerrero down. There’s the Figure Four and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special but it’s always cool to see someone who would become a bigger deal getting their start. Chavo was just a guy in trunks who had a much better uncle, but that uncle would eventually play a key role in upgrading Chavo’s career. Nothing match here and the announcers weren’t interested in the action at all.

Chavo would continue to be nothing of note for the next two years until he started associating with his heel Uncle Eddie. This eventually led to Chavo losing a match to Eddie and becoming his unwilling follower. Eddie forced Chavo to be evil, only to have Chavo turn the tables and become insane to the point that Eddie had no idea what to do. They would square off again at Bash at the Beach in a hair vs. hair match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Loser gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.

Eddie hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be clotheslined right back down.

We hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down, setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.

Back up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT (Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors. That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B-. To no surprise, this was a good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier. He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the idea all along.

Post match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off. He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own hair and shaves the whole thing off.

Not a lot would happen to Chavo for the next few years other than fighting various cruiserweights. Eventually Vince Russo would become head of creative in WCW and if there’s one thing Russo can do, it’s ensure that everyone has something to do. Therefore, Chavo was turned into Lieutenant Loco and put into a military style group called the Misfits in Action. Chavo would win the Cruiserweight Title on Thunder and defend it at the 2000 Great American Bash against the Disco Inferno.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

Chavo would stick around the Cruiserweight Title scene until the demise of WCW. He would head over to the WWF and be stuck in the same scene until the tag division on Smackdown started to roll. Yet again Chavo’s career picked up due to being paired with his Uncle Eddie, as he was here at Survivor Series 2002 in an elimination tag match for the Tag Team Titles.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a rana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and that’s a tag apparently.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked dude. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the psycho who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Gee I wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws the belt to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to rana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

The next few years would not be kind to Chavo as he would stick around the lower midcard in the Cruiserweight Title scene again until he got another new gimmick. Chavo would become Kerwin White, a man very proud of being a middle class white guy. If you don’t get why this bombed, you’re not paying close enough attention. Here’s a rare Kerwin White match from Unforgiven 2005 against Shelton Benjamin.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White

 

White is Chavo Guerrero who is a golfer and I kid you not, a guy that is very proud of being a middle class white guy. His theme song is about picket fences and soccer moms. He would soon get a caddy named Nick Nemeth who is currently known as Dolph Ziggler. Kerwin’s catchphrase during this period: “If it’s not White, it’s not right.” I mean….WOW. Also, I kid you not, he’s fighting Shelton because Shelton isn’t white. Are you starting to get why people weren’t thrilled with this era?

 

Shelton rips the sweater off White and the beating is on for the blonde Guerrero. Yes he’s blonde here. Nothing going on to start until Shelton misses a shot and White goes after the knee. Kerwin hooks what we would call the Brock Lock and we intentionally cut to Spanish commentary for some reason. More leg work gets a two count and a Chavo Sucks chant. White charges into a Samoan Drop and both guys are down.

 

A slugout is won by Shelton who gets two on a backbreaker. Shelton’s leg is ok enough to go up now but he gets crotched. Even the announcers point out how stupid going up there was. Kerwin hits a superplex for two. There’s a half crab to eat up a few seconds. Shelton rolls through into a catapult and White grabs the golf club (wasn’t this a PG show?) but walks into Shelton’s T-Bone Exploder suplex for the pin.

 

Rating: C-. Shelton was awesome at this point and was probably on the roll of his life but would get lazy and stuck in the midcard forever. Not bad here but the White gimmick was just freaking horrible. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea but they need to be dragged outside and put into that gimmick themselves. That’ll teach them.

The gimmick would be short lived as Eddie would pass away in November of 2005, sending Chavo back to his basic gimmick of just being himself. Eventually Chavo would get into a LONG feud with Rey Mysterio with the two fighting on and off for years. Here’s one of their final matches from Summerslam 2007.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

For some reason Rey’s torso is covered in silver paint. The fans are all over Chavo to start as you would expect. The heel goes right after the knee of course but Rey slips away before the damage can be done. They do the gymnastics routine out of a test of strength as the fans chant for Eddie. Rey’s paint is already coming off, making him look really stupid. Chavo tries to bend the knee around the ropes but is sent to the floor for a big dive from Mysterio.

Back in and Rey goes up but gets caught in the Tree of Woe which is similar to what hurt his knee in the first place. Guerrero goes right for the knee and asks him if he quits. Off to the Brock Lock (Chavo bends the knee around his neck) but Rey counters into a headscissors. Chavo stays on him though and hooks another leg lock until Rey FINALLY gets out with a kick to the head.

He tries for 619 but the leg gives out, allowing Chavo to put on a half crab. Mysterio finally gets to the ropes but the knee is still too hurt to follow up. This time it’s Chavo going up but getting pulled down into the Tree of Woe so Rey can go after the knee. The paint is entirely off Rey’s chest now, making it look like he’s been fixing up his house.

Rey hits a seated senton off the apron before hitting a hard kick to the head for two. Chavo catches a springboard moonsault press but gets countered into a tornado DDT for two. Chavo comes right back with a Gory Bomb for two followed by two of the Three Amigos. Rey spins out of the third and takes Chavo into the ropes for the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but at the end of the day there was no doubt that Rey was winning at all. It wasn’t boring but I liked last year’s action more. The story this year was better, but the paint and the obvious ending didn’t do it any favors. Chavo doesn’t work that well as a heel whatsoever.

That’s about it as far as important stuff for Chavo in WWE. He has a run with the ECW Title while being part of La Familia, both of which went nowhere before having one of the worst feuds of all time against Hornswoggle. Chavo was little more than a lower card act and a jobber to the stars for the rest of his WWE run, lasting a few more years. He would join Indian promotion Ring Ka King and Lucha Libre USA which didn’t last long. Eventually he wound up in TNA in a tag team with Hernandez, who received a tag title shot at Bound For Glory 2012.

Tag Titles: Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero Jr vs. AJ Styles/Kurt Angle

Angle and AJ come out separately. Wes Brisco is in the front row and I’d bet we’ll see him later. Daniels and Kaz are in orange and black to start jokes from Taz. Chavo and AJ start things off and in a strange visual, Angle and Hernandez are standing on the same side of the apron. Daniels and Kaz are chilling on the floor. This starts with the usual technical goodness you would expect from these two.

Off to Angle who stomps Chavo down in the corner and Chavo has some tape on his shoulder. Angle slams Chavo down on said shoulder and Daniels blind tags Kurt to come in and….scratch that as Angle stays in. Off to AJ vs. Hernandez with the big guy throwing AJ around and getting two off a splash. Kaz tags himself in to stomp on AJ but there’s the drop down/kick and it’s back to Kurt.

Chavo comes in to face Kaz and some good basic wrestling takes Kazarian down. Hernandez drops Kaz with a backbreaker and it’s back to Chavo to dropkick the freshly tagged in Daniels. AJ comes back in because we can’t have a PPV without Daniels vs. AJ right? A clothesline puts AJ down and it’s time for some pelvic thrusting. The champs hit a double team move with Daniels hiptossing Kaz into AJ for two.

Kaz puts on a full nelson of all things on Styles but a quick Pele takes Kaz right back down. There’s the hot tag to Kurt who beats up everyone in sight. He snaps off some suplexes and counters a sunset flip into an ankle lock on Daniels. There go the straps but Angle misses a charge in the corner and hits the post. Angle shrugs that off and suplexes Kaz onto Daniels for two.

Kaz comes back in with the slingshot DDT on Angle but Hernandez comes back in and takes out Kaz. Daniels smacks AJ in the face and there’s no one in the ring. Daniels dives onto Angle from the apron and there’s the REAL big dive from Hernandez to take everyone out. Kaz tries a rana off the top to Hernandez off the apron but Hernandez goes the wrong way and Kaz basically crashes on his shoulder in a SICK looking landing.

AJ gets the attention off Kazarian by hitting a BIG dive on the champs and Hernandez. Kaz is at least sitting up now. Chavo suplexes Angle over the top and back in as he rolls some suplexes. Angle Slam out of nowhere puts Chavo down and a double suplex takes SuperMex down as well. Kaz is back in with a clothesline to take Daniels down and the BME gets a VERY close two on AJ.

Chavo sends Kaz to the floor and hits another big dive to take him out. Angel’s Wings are broken up by Styles and the moonsault into the reverse DDT takes Daniels down. Hernandez actually tags in and hits a slingshot shoulder block followed by the Border Toss. Chavo hits a Frog Splash to give Hernandez (the legal man) the pin on Daniels and the titles.

Rating: B. This was a good match from these six as you would expect, but it didn’t really get close to the other matches that the teams have had before. That has to be expected though and this was certainly entertaining. All the dives were great, but man alive someone is going to get hurt badly from one of them one day. Daniels and Kaz losing makes sense as they’ve done almost all they can with the belts at this point.

Overall, Chavo is a guy who has talent but people are only going to be interested in his opponents instead of Chavo himself. Most of his career was spent working with either Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio and more often than not, the feuds didn’t spark a lot of interest. Chavo’s matches were far better than his stories but he was never going to be a top star. While not in a major promotion at the moment, he’d be a valuable name for any indy company that needs a veteran.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 6: Konnan

Today’s name is one that you’ve probably seen in various promotions from around the world: Konnan.

Despite being born in Cuba, Konnan is most closely associated with Mexico, including representing the country in the Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament at Starrcade 1990.

Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament Quarter-Finals: Chris Adams/Norman Smiley vs. Konnan/Rey Mysterio

 

Adams and Smiley are British and the #5 seed while Konnan and Mysterio are from Mexico and the #4 seed. There’s a lot to talk about here. First of all, Adams is most famous as a trainer, having taught Steve Austin to wrestle, as well as popularizing the superkick as a finishing move in North America. Smiley would be much more famous as a comedy character later on in WCW. Konnan was nothing of note at this point but soon would become the biggest star in Mexico. Mysterio isn’t the famous version but rather the original here and the uncle of the more famous one.

 

Mysterio and Smiley start things off but Konnan comes in as well, only to get caught in a double armdrag. Adams comes in as well and things get very fast paced in a hurry with the Mexican team being dropkicked out to the floor. Mysterio comes back in to pop Adams in the face with a right hand, only to be superkicked HARD out to the floor. Rey tries to remember what planet he’s on so he brings in Konnan instead. Konnan climbs the top rope with a wristlock on Smiley to send him flying, only to get caught in a rolling cradle for two.

 

This is going too fast to be able to keep up with. Konnan gets caught in the British corner and jumped by Adams who puts on a chinlock. Mysterio comes in sans tag for an attempted double team but Smiley dropkicks both of them down. A superkick sends Konnan into a German suplex by Smiley but it’s Mysterio making the save again.

 

Adams comes back in to crank on Konnan’s arm some more before clotheslining him down for no cover. Back to Smiley but Mysterio comes in again without a tag to elbow Chris down. Konnan takes Adams into the corner and sits him on the top rope facing the crowd before hitting a kind of reverse suplex down for the pin to advance.

 

Rating: B-. This was a very fast paced and exciting match with all four guys moving faster than anyone else would have at this point. Konnan would go on to become a huge star in Mexico while Mysterio’s nephew would become one of the biggest stars in the world. Good match here though which would have had the crowds going nuts six years later or so.

Konnan would become the most popular wrestler in Mexico, leading to a match on American pay per view on a AAA show called When Worlds Collide. Konnan was in the main event, a cage match against veteran Perro Aguayo.

Perro Aguayo vs. Konnan

 

Aguayo is an old guy (49) who was betrayed by the young guy. Aquayo took Konnan’s mask while Konnan took Aguayo’s hair. This is the rubber match and it’s inside a cage, escape only to win. Konnan was the most popular guy in Mexico but turned heel in a huge deal and drew huge money. The previous two matches were three years ago it seems and then they were a tag team. Konnan turned heel and here we are.

 

Konnan, a pure power guy, throws Aguayo around to start. Perro fires off some kicks to get going and pounds away in the corner. He goes up but comes crashing back down via an electric chair drop. Konnan takes over with a pair of hot shots into the cage. The fans are totally behind Aguayo who is busted. Perro takes over again and keeps going for covers for no apparent reason.

 

They fight up to the corner and slug it out with Aguayo sending him down. We hear about the three way feud with Perro, Konnan and Cien Caras which kickstarted the AAA promotion. Aguayo takes over but is pouring blood. He really likes that double stomp move. Konnan fires off a low blow and takes over. We get an inset shot of Eddie (mostly bald) and Spicolli watching this on a monitor. Perro is in control so here they come.

 

Aguayo hits about the third double stomp of the match so far. Now he’s climbing but Konnan makes a stop. Here are Eddie and Louis with a cup of something that they throw in the face of Aguayo. They throw Konnan some brass knuckles and Konnan hits the PowerDrop (Razor’s Edge into a sitout powerbomb) to kill Perro dead. The knuckles are thrown out but it’s not like keeping them secret means anything.

 

Konnan kicks him down again but Perro fires off some right hands to take over for about 3 seconds. Here are the knuckles again and Guerrero is trying to get in. Konnan hits a low blow and throws the knuckles out again. Konnan goes up and here are Los Dynamite Brothers (Cien Caras and his brothers) for the save. They chase off Eddie and Spicolli and Caras knock Konnan down off the top of the cage. The 5th double stomp is enough for Perro to escape and win the match.

 

Rating: B-. Fun enough cage match here to close things out. The run-ins at the end make sense and Perro winning when we got things down to one on one was a nice touch. You can’t really fault the ending for being Aguayo standing up to win everything and stop the young guy, especially since he’s the big legend face. This was fine.

A few years later, Konnan would go on to WCW where he would become US Champion. Here’s a title defense from SuperBrawl 6 in 1996 against the man that Konnan took the title from: One Man Gang.

US Title: Konnan vs. One Man Gang

So like I mentioned in the Starrcade review, Gang won the title and Konnan took it from him. Here’s your rematch. Konnan actually cared at this point and it was very apparent. He’s moving all over the place at this point and doing all kinds of weird and big spots that are working really well. To be fair though, I could give Gang a run for his money I think.

Konnan runs around and beats up Gang for about two minutes, as in the first two minutes of the match, but Gang gets one shot in and Dusty proclaims that Konnan has barely been on offense. That’s just amusing. A side slam is called a side salto. Apparently Gang has been called one of the best men in the business for years. What kind of undiscovered years are those Tony? Konnan is selling well too here which is helping a lot also.

Let’s show the WCW NASCAR driver for like 30 seconds. Not like we can have anything of note going on in the ring at the moment. There was a WCW Motorsports? Since when? Gang hits his splash and pulls him up. That should more or less seal this one. Gang goes to the middle rope (called the very top by Tony) and misses to ZERO, I mean ZERO reaction. Konnan goes up and hits a front flip onto Gang for the pin. Wow this was bad.

Rating: D-. Again, One Man Gang as a title contender? What in the world were they thinking??? This was again just bad and the crowd was deader than Konnan’s career. Terrible match.

Eventually Konnan would join the Wolfpack and feud with the NWO Black and White, such as in this tag match from the July 16, 1998 episode of Thunder.

Diamond Dallas Page/Konnan vs. Curt Hennig/Scott Hall

Hennig starts with Konnan but it’s off to Page before any contact. They lock up and fight to the floor where Hennig slaps him in the back of the head. Back in and Page grabs a swinging neckbreaker. A second attempt sends Hennig running to the floor and it’s off to Hall vs. Konnan. Hall grabs the arm for the driving shoulders before slapping Konnan in the back of the head. That must be an AWA move.

Konnan fights up and shoves Hall down to slow the pace. Back up and Konnan grabs a quick X Factor before Hall gets punched back and forth like a pinball. Page comes in but can’t hit the Diamond Cutter but clotheslines Hall down to set up a Konnan chinlock. They get up again and Hall can’t catch a cross body. Instead he lifts Konnan up for a fallaway slam to take over. Off to Hennig for a knee lift before he suckers Page in.

Hall breaks up a hot tag attempt with an elbow to the back and puts on a reverse chinlock. Scott lets go of the hold and lets Konnan up before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Now it’s the hot tag to Page who punches both Hall and Hennig from corner to corner. Hall gets in a cheap shot though and Hennig drops Page with a right hand for two. A great dropkick and right hand both get the same and we take a break.

Back with Page pounding on Hennig in the corner before Hall sneaks in behind him for the fall away slam. Off to the abdominal stretch on Page’s bad ribs before it’s back to Hennig for more stomping. Hall comes back in for a clothesline and sleeper but Page counters into one of his own. Scott suplexes his way to freedom and both guys are down again. The double tag brings in Konnan vs. Hennig as everything breaks down. Rude gets in a cheap shot on Konnan and it’s a PerfectPlex for the pin as Page Diamond Cuts Hall on the floor.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but it was at the end of a very long show. They did the formula stuff here and that’s a good idea for old school guys like Hall and Hennig. It doesn’t really advance anything but it’s nice to see the factions at war actually in a match for a change. Decent enough stuff.

After the decline of WCW, Konnan would tour with some indy companies for awhile before joining up with TNA. He would be part of the rap group known as 3 Live Kru with Ron Killings (R-Truth) and BG James, the latter of whom would team with Konnan for a world tag team title shot at Victory Road 2004.

Tag Titles: 3 Live Kru vs. Team Canada

Team Canada here is Bobby (Robert) Roode and Eric Young while 3LK is Konnan and Road Dogg. They use the Freebird rule to fight and will use it if they win the belts here, along with Ron Killings. Anyway, this is the finale of a long feud between them which of course didn’t end here. We start with Roadie and Roode. For the life of me I do not get the hype on this guy. He’s ok and that’s it.

People to this day think he could be a main event guy. Why? Tell me one thing that he could do that would validate him as a main event guy. And I don’t mean a line like just watch him or how can’t you see it. Pretend I’m stupid and tell me what it is that this guy has that makes him a big star. Konnan is in now with Young and these two just amuse me to no end.

We have a guy that no one cares about that tries desperately to play up the gimmick of being from another country which makes him interesting when he’s just bland as heck otherwise and no one cares about him, and then we have Eric Young. We hit the formula portion of our event with the heels working over Roadie to build up Konnan for the hot tag.

Does anyone else see this sucking harder than a Diva wanting to get a job? I miss Scott D’Amore. The guy was a fat joke but he was a decent talker and heel manager. Nothing great here but it’s kind of like the first Mania where the tag titles changed: it allows you to have a title change so the show is memorable and has some impact to steal a pun from myself.

Konnan finally gets the tag after a heel miscommunication (remember folks: TNA is breaking NEW ground!) spot and cleans house. It of course turns into a brawl with Roadie being fine after having his ass handed to him for about 4 minutes. D’Amore tries to use the hockey stick but Killings comes in for the save and a BAD looking X-Factor gives the Kru the titles.

Rating: C. It was average, plain and simple. This match could have been on any TV or house show or PPV and it would have been fine. At seven minutes long they didn’t have much time to get anything substantial going but still, this wasn’t much but it was fine for what it was I suppose.

Konnan would eventually become the manager for the team known as LAX before leaving TNA in 2007 over a benefits dispute. He would return to Mexico with AAA where he has been ever since.

Overall Konnan is a guy with talent but he was always a far bigger star in Mexico than he was in America. On a more personal note, he also used to be paid to post on the WrestleZone Forums (along with Kevin Kelly and Disco Inferno) and revealed himself to be, shall we say, not the nicest person in the world. I spoke to him a few times and while he would answer questions about his career, he didn’t seem that interested in much else. Still though, he brought a different style to American wrestling which was a nice change of pace that was part of an evolution of the business in the mid nineties.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 5: Jeep Swenson

It was either this or Bull Buchanan.Jeep Swenson was an actor, best known for playing Bane in Batman and Robin,  and wrestler in WCCW.  He never accomplished much but he was brought back in 1996 for a single match: the Doomsday Cage Match at Uncensored 1996.  If you’ve never seen this, I urge you to get together with some wrestling friends who like to have a good time and hold a viewing.  If there has ever been a more over the top, insane and completely ridiculous match, I’ve yet to see it.  This is also my favorite match review I’ve ever written.

 

We recap the feud with Hogan and Savage against the Alliance. More or less what happened was simple: the Alliance challenged Hogan to a 4-1 cage match, but WCW wised up and realized Hogan carrying a match like that could expose him too much, so they threw Savage in there too.

Now, how did the Alliance put out this challenge? Was it by beating down Hogan? Was it by destroying something he held dear and valuable? Was it by making threats to his family and home? Nope to all three. They sent him a telegram. Let me repeat that. The feud and match were set by a group sending Hogan a telegram. That’s so freaking stupid I can’t even make fun of it. I truly can’t.

They sent him a telegram. I can’t get over that. Something else I notice: there hasn’t been a single mention of Randy Savage all show. It’s been nothing but Hogan. The team is known as the Alliance to End Hulkamania. In the build up from the announcers there’s no mention of Savage. What in the world is wrong with these people? Why am I trying to figure that out?

Doomsday Cage Match: Hogan/SAVAGE vs. Alliance to End Hulkamania

The Alliance is Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Meng, Barbarian, Lex Luger, Taskmaster (Kevin Sullivan), Z-Gangsta (Zeus from the late 80s) and Ultimate Solution (big fat strong guy that never did anything other of note in wrestling. He did play Bane in Batman and Robin though in case anyone is interested.) Now you might be wondering how this is going to work.

Well until about 3 minutes before the bell rings, so was everyone else. Literally, they didn’t know what they were going to do until the day of the show. That’s your brilliant wrestling company at work. The idea would be this. You have a ring with three cages on top of it. In other words, there’s a ring with a cage over it that’s very tall and has a top of in. The top of that cage is the floor of a second cage. That cage has six sides, all made of cage.

There’s ANOTHER of those on top. The match starts up at the top for no apparent reason. The idea is that it’s more or less a gauntlet match. There’s two guys on top, four in the middle cage and two in the bottom cage and Hogan and Savage have to win in all three cages. Yep, that’s it.

In a match that’s supposed to be all about violence and called a Doomsday match, we have a freaking gauntlet with regular pins and submissions. Let’s get to this. Michael Buffer is in the ring doing introductions for this as I have a feeling that this is going to take a LONG time.

He asks if they’re ready. He asks it again. I wonder if they’re going to break it down after the match. The cage I mean. Oh Brian Pillman is supposed to be in this but he’s left for ECW at this time where he would be for all of a day or so and then on to WWF. Flair comes out sans belt or any acknowledgement that he’s champion so you can see where the priorities are.

Oh we also have to wait for them to all climb up the steps to get to their cages too. Barbarian has been banned from wrestling in most countries in the world too. You learn something new every day. Zeus (I refuse to refer to him as Z-Gangsta more than I have to) and Ultimate Solution aren’t here yet. His original name was Final Solution. I’ll give you two guesses as to how that went.

So we’re starting with Anderson and Flair at the top so we’re starting with the Mega Powers vs. Anderson and Flair. Tell me, what’s wrong with that as a main event? I’d like that FAR better. Luger left WWF for this. That’s just sad. They finally just give up and call Hogan a superhero. Naturally the camera follows him up the stairs as my fear of heights is kicking in.

Dusty says the fans have been waiting for days in and around this building. Just go with it. Once they finally reach the top we start immediately and also immediately we see the massive problem: the fans can’t see a stupid thing. They’re about thirty feet from the ground (which of course hits as high as 65 so far according to Brain) and the lighting is awful.

Also, this is before the days of the Titantron. If they had that, this would be ok. No actually it wouldn’t be but it would have been better. The people watching the PPV from home have a hard time seeing this so imagine what it’s like for the fans there. They’re dead quiet too after the opening maybe 10 seconds because reality has set in. Oh Arn is wearing a full black body suit for no apparent reason.

Heenan says what I think might have been hidden jabs at WCW by saying “What a great thing for television!” and “Only here in WCW!” Those are either fed to him or shots at the brilliant minds who came up with this. Actually no. They’re not worthy of sarcastic praise. They’re freaking idiots. I mean seriously, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???

If you’re going to do a cage match, fine. If you’re going to do a big cage match, fine. If you’re going to do a gauntlet cage match, that’s fine too. Actually that’s kind of an interesting concept. However, DO IT WHERE THE PEOPLE CAN SEE IT. My goodness how hard of a concept is that? What’s the most important aspect of any show? How about being able to see it?

The fans here might be able to make out someone next to one side of the cage but other than that, nothing. And don’t even bother staying if you sit across the arena and don’t have binoculars because you’re screwed. Sting and Booker won the main event already. I can’t get over how ridiculous this is. Seriously who thought this was a good idea?

Oh and there’s a referee up there too even though it’s Uncensored and therefore unsanctioned. There’s also a massive pole in the middle in case Hogan wants to shoot a Brooke Hogan video up there. They go to a wide shot to just further show how stupid this is. We can hear the wrestlers talking which is usually covered up by the crowd.

Maybe they can see as there’s a pop for Hogan ripping the shirt off. Heenan says this is better than the World Series or the Super Bowl. Yes it does Bobby, yes it does. Hey we’ve hit 70 feet in the air! Heenan redeems himself a bit with the line of all a manager can do here is hope they have a client in the morning. We get a random reference to some woman named Becky in Denver. Ok then.

Tony sums up the match perfectly: the fans wanted to know what the Doomsday Cage was so they’re finding out here. Well thanks for that Tony. In other words, we’re going to throw out a cool sounding name and say Hogan is in it against a bunch of guys that we’re only going to vaguely mention and say to find out, pay up. Once you hook them, you don’t have to do anything.

They did the same thing with the Elimination Chamber in 2002, but the difference was that match wasn’t bad. It certainly wasn’t great but I’ve seen far worse matches. Exhibit A is being reviewed at the moment. In the ultra violent match, we get double figure fours.

Heenan’s comedy is all that’s holding the pieces of this in place. Notice I didn’t say together but just in place as they would likely want to run away and join a witness protection program or something. Zeus and Solution didn’t wrestle again after this. They were the smart ones I guess.

Dusty says if you have a chain length fence (who doesn’t?) just go lay on it to see what this is like. Bobby: Then call your neighbor over and slap the figure four on him! Then put the figure eight on your Doberman! Bobby Heenan, I love you very much.  You need massive amounts of therapy and medication, but I love you.

Flair drops something from one cage to the other which is never explained or mentioned again. My guess would be the will of Flair’s career since it’s dead at this point. Hogan and Savage throw powder, which is likely the remains of the cocaine they needed to agree to this.

They go through a trapdoor to get to the next cage, and Anderson and Flair are eliminated. WOW. Ok so wait. All they had to do was get through a door? They didn’t have to pin someone or get a tap out but just go through a door? Ladies and gentlemen, I’m done. I’m going to stop trying to make sense of this match and that’s all there is to it.

This just doesn’t make sense at all but for some reason they insist that it does. Bobby says Boris Karloff would love this. Not really but ok. Hogan has a chain and beats on Sullivan with it. They’re down about 12 feet now so the crowd is a bit more into it. It’s the Faces of Fear (Meng and Barbarian) on Savage and Luger and Sullivan on Hogan.

This room has a door in the middle of it so it’s like two small cages. Actually there’s a reason for it though which will come up in a minute. After being beaten on by two grown men and a steel chain, Hogan is fine and manages to get the chain away to lock the door (which didn’t have a lock before but whatever) and trap Meng and Barbarian inside.

A shot of the cage from the floor makes this look a lot better as in essence they’re fighting on top of a regular cage. That’s not bad I guess. Anderson and Flair drop to the second cage and are trapped as well. Where’s my wah wah music when I need it? Heenan says it’s a maze with no way in or out.

Yep other than the doors they came in through, the doors they leave through or the path that the referee points them through to get to the end. Speaking of doors they go out of one and fight on the stairs which is kind of scary when you think about it as there’s no wall to save them there.

Sullivan is actually over halfway out as Heenan says that he’ll be spam if he hits. I’ll infract him if he does. I don’t want any freaking spam in my reviews. Savage and Luger are still in the cage by the way. According to Brain everyone is on their feet. They have to be to see this I suppose. They’re more or less quiet by the way.

Luger gets loose and we’re out on the floor. Yep, they got out of the cage and while the rules stated earlier in the match said that Hogan and Savage just needed to get down to win, they apparently are going to keep going. Hey, we’re having a Doomsday Cage Match, so let’s fight in the ring!

Yep, they’re fighting in the ring. Luger and Savage are fighting by the cage with Hogan and Sullivan in the ring. The four guys in the upper cage break out and head down the cage. Now this could be cool: Hogan and Savage 6-2 in the arena. Well ok I can go with that as at least its easier to see.

It’s more or less the same thing as the previous match but…that’s….why are the other four just leaving? They just walked back to the dressing room. Anderson and Flair are supposed to, but the Faces of Fear are still in this legally, but who cares about that? That would MAKE SENSE! Hogan is beating on Luger in the ring while Savage is having boards thrown at him.

Apparently the Faces of Fear have been eliminated. Oh ok I think I’ve got it now: the rules are as follows. Hogan and Savage had to go to the top of the cage where they had to either pin or get a submission from Flair and Anderson but they were allowed to have an alternate way of winning because Hogan made a large donation to the Save the Wombat Foundation.

Next up they had to get pins or submissions on some combination of the Faces of Fear, Sullivan or Luger, but they were able to lock the Faces of Fear into a cage and therefore receive a Federal credit for preventing an international assault and battery charge since both men are international ambassadors sent by the King of Tonga to study wrestling (that’s actually not made up if you can believe that. That’s legit true).

Now at the beginning the rules stated that they simply had to get to the floor to win, however there was a clause stating that if there was a high percentage (17 or greater) of time spent on discussing the social habits of Bulgarian monks in the 15th century by the four in the second cage during the battle in the first cage, then simply getting to the floor wouldn’t be classified as a win.

In that case a pin in the other ring would work. However, that won’t work either because Lex Luger’s lawyers feel that the population of fire ants in this match were misrepresented so therefore a simple pin in the ring won’t work either, and the final two members of the Alliance to End Hulkamania, which has founded new chapters in Laos, Manhattan and the North Pole, fighting off the evils of Hulk-Chi-Min, Hulk Maritoni and Hulk-a-Claus, must be equally represented in this match, which must end via pinfall in the original ring.

HOWEVER, it will be allowed for former members of the Alliance to reenter the match under the Columbus Act which also founded Ohio in 1776, but also said that wrestlers were unlawfully evicted from the match via an international treaty can be allowed to return. ANYWAY, now that we’re back to the match, let’s continue here but I need to make sure this remains logical. It’s very important to keep that going here.

They’re all at the ring now and we have more bad chair shots. I love how the graphic under the split screen says Doomsday Cage Match despite a significant lack of cage. Here’s Ultimate Solution and Zeus. According to the clause listed above, we head back to the original cage for the showdown. Yep, it’s Hogan and Savage in a no tag tag-team match against two big strong guys. How do they come up with these things? Sullivan is lurking around as I feel he needs to register. I’m sure there’s something in this match for him too. There must be a tournament somewhere.

As if this wasn’t riveting enough, we hit a bear hug. Hey now, it’s time for the rematch of the match that didn’t happen seven years ago in another company that we’re not going to mention but imply that everyone knows anyway because that’s how we roll.

Ultimate Solution (hereafter known as porkchop for no other reason than I have the Doug song in my head) picks up Savage and has him in position for a slam, prompting Dusty to wonder what he’s going to do with him. Heenan says that he picked Savage up like a 100lb infant. Tony says there’s no winning or losing but only surviving. Yeah I’d agree.

Whose career can survive this match? Here’s Arn and Flair again as apparently their plan to eliminate Hulkamania is just to stomp them and punch them and slam them a lot. Yep, that’s the epic plan. Tony is holding out hope despite a few seconds before saying it’s hopeless.

I love that top level journalism there Tony! Keep it up and one day you might be able to get a better job like selling meat from a truck in Minneapolis! They actually argue over how many people are in there against Hogan and Savage. To get off of that we point out that this started with a telegram. Somehow that’s an improvement.

Naturally they ask if Hulkamania can survive instead of Hogan and Savage. It amazes me that he got so little respect over the years. He was nuts, but dang could he wrestle. In one of the best unintentionally funny moments I can ever remember, the powder that Hogan and Savage have spills out and within 5 seconds Brutus is there to help them. That’s just greatness.

Also they’re almost face down in it. Could this get any funnier? Now the interesting part is what Brutus does for them. He brings them weapons to even the odds, instead of actually sticking around to help fight like a friend would. Nope he brought them something to help them fight off the forces of evil. What does he bring? Does he bring brass knuckles?

Maybe a club? Perhaps a couple of chairs? Nope. He brings frying pans. Brutus Beefcake brings a pair of frying pans to help save his friends. Where in the world do I start? Let’s see: how about WHY DID HE HAVE FRYING PANS??? Was he making bacon in the back or something? Does he tend to carry cookware around with him? Did the barber shop fall through? I guess he couldn’t repair the window after Shawn broke it so he became a chef.

Somehow, that is the most logical thing I’ve said all night. There’s five minutes left so let’s get through this if we can. Luger comes back in with a glove that they imply is loaded. He sets to hit Savage but Macho ducks (that sounds like an upgrade to Duck Hunter) and Luger stops, but then starts again to hit Flair and turn face I guess.

Hogan and Savage turn to leave but Savage runs back in and pins Flair while everyone else kind of stands around and lets it happen. WOW. So did they forget the whole pin thing too I suppose? Heenan is ticked off and leaves and we’re finally done.

Rating: -F. This is below an F. We’ve gone so low that we’ve went past Z (which stands for Zeus not Z-Gangsta blast it) and we’ve reached negative letters. That’s how insane this was. I mean it made no sense, the rules I laid out might as well have been the real ones because nothing stayed the same as it was in the beginning, you couldn’t see a stupid thing if you were in the audience, the match was exactly the same thing that it had always been with Hogan surviving, and the plan was just to beat them up a lot? Take note fans: never, I mean never, send a telegram in your life. You can see what it can lead to.

 

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Wrestler of the Day – January 4: Mick Foley

This is a harder one than usual (and by usual I mean of the three I’ve done) to do because of the huge body of work. Again the selection is due to what happened on this date to him (January 4, 1999) as the man is Mick Foley. For the sake of clarity, this certainly isn’t meant as a definitive list nor his best matches. It’s more a timeline of his career with a match from each section of his career.

Since there’s a lot to cover here, we’ll skip the squash and go to Foley’s first major(ish) show: AWA SuperClash III.

Chavo Guerrero/Mando Guerrero/Hector Guerrero vs. Rock N Roll RPMs/Cactus Jack

 

Chavo is of course the senior version and Mando is the least known Guerrero. Hector is a dead ringer for Eddie and arguably better. The RPMs are the southern tag champions and are named Tommy Lane and Mike Davis. That Jack guy won’t ever amount to anything. He was a total rookie at this point and almost the Abyss of his day: the guy that would take any bump asked of him so here he is as a result.

 

The Guerreros all have big sombreros and are about as stereotypical as you can get. Capetta (announcer) says this is AWA vs. CWA and that’s just incorrect. Actually the Guerreros were in the AWA also so I guess it’s correct. Granted both companies would be dead in a year so does it really matter? Hector starts and makes the RPMs look like idiots. Off to Jack and Mando (barely taller than the top rope) with the Guerreros being so much faster it’s unreal.

 

They hit the floor and Jack actually gets beaten up even worse out there. Back to Hector and they work on the knee before Chavo, the oldest, comes in. Wait make that Mando. Oh and it’s Cactus Jack Foley at this point. The Guerreros tag in and out about every 8 seconds. Jack wants out of there badly and brings in one of the RPMs who I don’t think the announcers know the difference between.

 

The RPMs finally double team Chavo and that goes even worse for them and it’s off to Hector. The Guerreros get in a big pile on and clear the ring. Jack vs. Chavo now and Jack finally gets something together. Off to Davis as it’s pretty clear the announcers don’t know the RPMs’ names. Off to Davis again and never mind as it’s Jack now. Hot tag to Hector and everything breaks down again. There’s some heel miscommunication and the camera misses the big dives but you can hear the crowd gasping. A moonsault press from Chavo ends Lane.

 

Rating: C+. Total squash here and a way to get the crowd fired up with the Guerreros doing stuff no one had ever seen before. The speed stuff was good as they looked like an awesome team out there. The dives were good and they made the fans get into the show, which is exactly the point of an opener.

On to WCW. I’ll skip the Sting feud because it’s been done to death, even though the falls count anywhere match is great. Instead we’ll jump to the end of 1993 at Halloween Havoc with Cactus Jack’s showdown against Vader in a Texas Death Match.

Vader vs. Cactus Jack

I’m not going through the whole angle again but in short they started fighting in April, Vader injured Jack, Jack is here for revenge. Vader is world champion but this is about revenge and not the title. Jack is just mad over here. He was second to probably only Flair and Sting (arguably only Sting) in popularity at this point.

They go straight to the floor and the fight is on. I remember last year in the WZ Tournament IC said that there was one person that could take Vader in a hardcore match and that was Cactus Jack. This is the proof. Vader misses a punch and hits the post so Jack goes right after it. Chair is brought in but Vader just punches Jack in the head. Cactus is like BRING IT ON and bites Vader.

HARD chair shot to the head of Vader and the champion is in trouble. They actually go into the ring but Vader gets a boot up and drills Cactus with a clothesline. Vader just mauls him in the corner and Cactus is reeling. Out to the ramp goes Jack but he avoids a suplex back into the ring. Somehow he manages to suplex Vader in a rather rare display of strength. Jack is busted open but hits another suplex on the ramp, this time a belly to back variety.

No attempts at covers yet as this has been a major brawl. Race tries to interfere with a chair and gets dropped with ease. Another chair shot to Vader and they go into the graveyard set. They go into a grave with a headstone marked RIP Vader. For some reason there are steps into it which Cactus comes out of. His eye looks AWFUL. Vader comes out of his own grave and is busted open too. There’s a Thriller joke in there somewhere.

A shot with something gets a pin on Vader. Now Vader has 30 seconds to rest and THEN he has to get up. That’s just stupid. Only WCW could take a brutal war and make it this idiotic. Cactus grabs a cactus and drills Vader with it as Vader was up at two. Why is there a cactus in a graveyard in Louisiana? Cactus drops the elbow off the ramp and gets a fall with that. After the resting (some DEATHmatch) Vader is up before two.

Vader wakes up and drills Cactus who fights right back. A table (an actual one and not the WWE style) is set up in the corner. Vader is thrown into it and bounces off which just gets two. Cactus drills him with the table (again doesn’t break. See what I mean?) to knock him to the floor. Cactus tries a sunset flip to the floor which misses so Vader tries to sit on him which fails.

Jack drapes him over the railing and just beats on him. Total war the entire time so far. Into the crowd now and Vader more or less backdrops Cactus into the ringside area again. Chair to the back of Cactus as Harley has a freaking tazer. Vader slams Jack down and hits a pretty decent Vadersault for the pin and a count of like 3. This is why the rest period is stupid: the guy is up to a knee when the count starts.

They go to the ramp again and in perhaps the sickest bump I have ever seen, Cactus tries a sleeper out there but Vader drops backwards onto him. The THUD is absolutely sick and Cactus just stops dead. He ruptured his kidney on that and more or less couldn’t move but he kept going because it would have made him look weak. My jaw actually dropped on that shot.

Vader, nice guy that he is, drills him with a chair as Race wants a DDT on the chair. There it is and Cactus is more or less deceased. No cover as Patrick brings over the trainer for Jack. Wait was there a pin in there that I missed? Vader beats up the medics and there’s the pin. Ok I’m not crazy. During the rest period Cactus DDTs Vader on the chair but as he’s trying to get up Race uses the tazer on the leg (might be nice to turn it on to play it up) of Foley and it’s over.

Rating: A. The ending is the only thing keeping this from an A+. This is an absolute WAR. Other than the rest periods (stupid WCW) there isn’t a single break of action in the whole sixteen minutes of this. Great match and of course since Cactus was over with the fans and having better and better matches, he was thrown into a tag team and more or less forgotten about until he was fired when Hogan arrived next year. Typical WCW.

As much as I’d love to, I can’t skip ECW. We’ll take a look at November to Remember 1995 with Cactus Jack teaming up with Raven to face Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer.

Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Cactus Jack

 

Main event time. Funk is “planning on retiring”. That’s just amusing. Funk says he’ll remember what happened with Cactus last night forever. Apparently it was a big attack on Terry but Dreamer made the save. This is a revenge match for Funk and Dreamer always hates Raven Cactus is in a WCW Dungeon of Doom t-shirt. He was in a WEIRD (yet awesome) heel push where he longed to be back in WCW with “Uncle Eric”.

 

The pairings pair off and Raven and Jack rule the ring for the moment. Now we get to the brawl and Funk fights Raven. Stevie Richards brings in some weapons and gets put in a shopping cart for his troubles. Dreamer BLASTS Raven in the head with a freaking VCR. WHY WOULD YOU BRING ONE OF THOSE TO A WRESTLING SHOW??? In a funny bit, Dreamer hits him with the remote also.

 

Funk beats up the referee because he’s Terry Funk. Dreamer DDTs the referee for good measure. Funk hits Raven with a golf club in the putter. Cheese grater is broken up and Cactus drills Dreamer with a chair. Dreamer gets taken down by a double chain shot to the throat. Raven is busted open and poses anyway. Cactus channels his inner Abdullah as he jabs at Funk with a fork.

 

DDT to Dreamer as Raven and Cactus are dominating. They try the chain again but Dreamer does something smart and dives on it, bringing them together. Not that it matters as Cactus takes him down with ease. Cactus takes the Dungeon of Doom shirt to reveal another one with a huge picture of Eric Bischoff and the words “Forgive Me Uncle Eric” (coining that nickname) on the back. Only Mick Foley could make that work, period.

 

It’s more or less a big mess but were you really expecting something else here? Jack hits a double arm DDT on Funk onto the chair but there’s no referee. Raven dives over the top to take out Dreamer and Jack looks for more weapons. Here are Fonzie and Taz to be referees but Funk kicks out at two. Taz beats up Funk so Dreamer takes Taz out. Jumping DDT takes Raven down and for some reason a regular one does more damage. The referee is back up and Dreamer piledrives Raven onto a chair, letting Funk steal the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match overall as they kept things just weapons based instead of going everywhere. Also Jack having the continuing mental breakdowns in the middle of the match (the Uncle Eric thing) is great. Dreamer not beating Funk is one of those little things that makes a match better. Fun stuff here and one of the better brawls ECW did.

Next up was the WWF and Foley’s most famous feud of all time: the Undertaker. Since everyone has seen the Boiler Room Brawl and Cell matches over and over, here’s a lesser known one. For Undertaker’s WWF Title at In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker.

WWF World Title: Mankind vs. Undertaker

 

I think we’ve covered the backstory for this one enough already. For perhaps the only time in his career, Undertaker charges from the floor into the ring and the fight is on. Undertaker has a bandage on his head from where Mankind burned him recently. They slug it out to start and a running right hand to the head puts Undertaker down. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Undertaker of course lands on his feet. A HARD whip sends Mankind into the barricade and a standing chokeslam does it again.

 

The third whip sends Mankind into the crowd and the Undertaker is in full control. Mankind is whipped into the barricade yet again as we head back to ringside. Back into the ring with Undertaker still pounding away and driving him down with shoulder blocks. Undertaker lets go of the hand on Old School so it’s a diving clothesline instead of a forearm to the back. Paul Bearer gets on the apron to prevent the tombstone and a quick shot with the urn gets two for Mankind.

 

The champion gets pounded down in the corner and a running knee to the head puts him down again. We hit the nerve hold on Undertaker before Mankind turns it into a reverse chinlock. The much stronger Undertaker is able to turn around though and fire off right hands to the ribs to escape. A very hard shot sends Mankind out to the floor and Undertaker sends him face first into the steps. Mankind comes back with a pitcher of water and shatters it over the champion’s face to put him back down. A chair to Undertaker’s head still doesn’t draw a DQ and JR demands to know why. Good question actually.

 

Mankind drops an elbow from the middle rope to the floor in one of his signature spots. The bandage is ripped off of Undertaker’s head and the injury is just ugly looking. Undertaker finally gets back inside where a pulling piledriver gets two for the challenger. The same move gets no cover but Mankind does screech a lot. Undertaker staggers around for a bit before hitting a jumping clothesline out of nowhere. The referee is knocked down and Mankind gets the Mandible Claw to knock Undertaker out cold.

 

Another referee comes in and gets the Claw as well for reasons of Mankind is insane. Bearer throws in a chair but Mankind wants the steps. In perhaps the only time in his career, Undertaker dropkicks the steps into Mankind’s face, and now it’s time to fight. A BIG chair shot to the head knocks Mankind silly and Undertaker throws him into the ropes to tie Mankind up by the neck.

 

The champion rips Mankind’s mask off and smashes the steps into Mankind, knocking him off the apron and head first through the table in a scary looking crash. Back inside and a chokeslam only gets two, shocking the crowd. Taker isn’t playing anymore though and it’s a tombstone to retain the title.

 

Rating: B-. This got really good once they stopped the pretense of a wrestling match and started fighting. A ticked off Undertaker is just fun to watch and this was no exception, especially when you had a human pinball like Mankind to bounce all over the place like he did. The match wasn’t particularly good, but it was fun which is what this show desperately needed.

 

Post match Undertaker goes after Bearer but has to fight off Mankind. Undertaker kicks something out of Mankind’s hands and kicks Mankind to the floor. Mankind dropped a lighter and flash paper, so Undertaker lights it up in Bearer’s face to burn him like Mankind burned Undertaker.

Since it’s January 4, I have to include this.

WWF Title: Mankind vs. The Rock

 

This is No DQ remember. This is the match that Tony Schiavone gave the ending away to on their show, shifting the ratings for the night because of it. DX comes out to back up Foley, because they couldn’t go to the hospital with Shawn or help defend him right? Rock of course has the Corporation with him.

 

Rock jumps him immediately and knocks him to the floor. He won’t let the Corporation beat them up because he wants to do it himself. How noble of our heel champion. Foley does his first sick bump of the match as he goes knee first into the steps and flies over them in a painful looking shot. These two always had mad chemistry together, which is something that could be said about most guys with Rock actually.

 

Rock does commentary during the match, which always cracked me up. He talks a bit too much though so Foley takes over. Foley does a promo of his own and we cut to a shot of Vince and Shane, but we hear a bell ring. Foley is down and Rock has the bell. Subtle. Rock Bottom through a table and Foley is in trouble. This has all taken less than three minutes so I’m not leaving much out at all.

 

To play up the spontaneous nature here Rock is in street clothes, as in the kind you would work out in. Corporate Elbow (debuted 5 minutes from my house) hits for two as this is ALL Rock. Foley with a spinning neckbreaker out of nowhere to get both guys down. Bossman throws the belt in and a shot to the head (sounded SICK) gets two as well. Double arm DDT onto the belt and Rock is in big trouble.

 

There’s Mr. Socko as the crowd has lost it. Mandible Claw goes on but Shamrock pops Foley with a chair. Billy Gunn takes him down and the brawl begins. Everything goes crazy and CUE GLASS SHATTER! Austin comes out and everyone loses it. He caves Rock’s head in with a chair and pulls Mick on top for the pin and the world title as the roof is blown off the arena.

 

Rating: A+. This was about a shocking moment and excitement and a feel good story and they NAILED it. This is very personal bias heavy, but they’re my reviews so who cares?

 

DX puts Foley on their shoulders as the Corporation carries Rock out. Cole gets in the famous line of “Mick Foley has achieved his dream and the dream of everyone else who has been told you can’t do it!” This is one of the best feel good moment in WWF history as Foley was considered one of the best to never be world champion as he worked as hard as anyone else but was never given a serious shot at it.

 

He got the shot tonight and he won the title. Road Dogg does the big announcement of Mankind being the new champion to a HUGE ovation. Foley dedicates the win to his kids and takes a lap around the ring with the belt to end the show. This is my favorite moment in wrestling history, bar none.

Foley would lose the title pretty quickly but his body was breaking down. He would be retired in February of 2000 inside the Cell but would make a few comebacks, such as this one from Backlash 2004 against Randy Orton.

Intercontinental Title: Cactus Jack vs. Randy Orton

Hardcore of course. Foley comes out as Mick Foley and has the Mankind music, but screw that. He’s in Cactus Jack attire and this is a hardcore match. He has the barbed wire ball bat called Barbie with him. Orton holds up a trashcan to defend himself but Foley knocks it out of his hands with the bat. They go to the floor and there goes a cameraman. Orton drop toeholds him into the steps and gets the bat but they fight over it.

Orton gets kicked away but he finds a trashcan from somewhere and cleans Mick’s clock with it. Mick shrugs that off and BLASTS Orton with it. Back in the ring and Foley hits the running knee lift followed by a legdrop for two. Back to the floor again and Jack hits a swinging neckbreaker but Orton moves before the middle rope elbow can be used. Randy, who is still in his t-shirt, tries to walk away but Foley chases after him. A belly to back suplex by the champion gets two on the ramp, as does a backslide.

Randy slams Jack’s head into the ramp with a THUD for two. Back in the ring (I’ve been saying variations of that a lot tonight) and Orton tries to drive Barbie into Jack’s face, but Cactus counters with a low blow. Here’s Socko but Foley isn’t sure whether to use that or Barbie. He takes the sock off and Barbie connects with Orton’s head. Blood is literally flowing down Orton’s face. Another shot hits Orton’s head and Foley is in complete control.

Mick pounds Orton down in the corner and hits the running knee to the face. Back to Barbie as Mick has that look in his eyes. Now he just drives the bat into Orton’s face and there goes the t-shirt. Foley puts the bat between Orton’s legs and drops a leg on it which is just painful in a lot of ways. Mick goes to the floor and pulls out…..oh geez he pulls out a gas can and a lighter.

He covers Barbie in gas but here’s Bischoff to say do that and the show ends here. Foley throws it down and for the life of me I have never gotten what the point of that sequence was unless it was somehow legit. Either way, Foley throws it down and finds a whole board covered in barbed wire. He knocks Orton near it but Orton comes back with a slam onto the board, drawing a LOUD holy chant from the fans.

The board gets placed in the corner and after some nice reversals on the Irish whip, Foley goes into it face first. With Jack down in the ropes, Orton shoves the board down onto him in a simple but good move. Orton finds a bag full of thumbtacks. The RKO onto them is countered and the look on Orton’s face when his back hits the tacks is PERFECT. A rollup gets two for Foley as Orton goes to look for medical attention. Jack will have none of that and they go up the ramp.

They head backstage but come back before we can get a camera back there. Foley throws him off the stage and through a bunch of tables. Since it’s Cactus Jack, you know he’s gonna drop the elbow onto Orton on top of that. After the referees seem ready to stop it, Foley drills them both and there’s the elbow. Mick is a bit too dead to cover though so after the delay, Orton SOMEHOW kicks out.

Back to the ring and Orton looks completely out of it. Double Arm DDT gets two and Foley isn’t sure what else he can do to pull this off. Orton goes to the floor while Foley puts the barbed wire board up in the corner. While he’s doing that though Orton gets Barbie from somewhere and lays in a few shots on Cactus. Foley finds Socko and grabs the Claw to stop a big shot to the head with Barbie. A low blow gets Orton out of the hold and the RKO puts Foley down but it only gets two. Another RKO onto Barbie FINALLY gets the pin.

Rating: A. It’s not quite as good as the match with Edge but DANG this was great. Orton is now a made man as he somehow not only survived this but he won it. Up to this point he was a pretty boy, much like HHH vs. Jack in 2000 at the Rumble. That seems to be what they were going for here and for the most part I’d certainly say it worked. Foley would go away for awhile while Orton feuded with Edge and then won the title in the fall. Great match here and Orton looked great during the whole thing.

With nothing left to do in WWE, Foley tried his hand in TNA and met up with Sting of all people at Lockdown 2009.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mick Foley

This is just a standard match for the first time all night I believe. These are my two favorite wrestlers ever so this is an awesome sight to see. Also their 92 feud was awesome so I’m really looking forward to this. Foley being introduced with the bat is awesome for some reason. They stand off to start which makes sense as Foley had been talking about how this was his greatest rival. Granted they hadn’t associated with each other in seventeen years but whatever.

Foley punches himself in the head and cuts himself open, which he claimed was a new wound rather than the one he had done on Impact. Foley takes over to start and goes to leave almost immediately but the fight begins on top of the ropes. Basically Foley dominates to start as West actually analyzes things a bit here. They fight on the ropes again with Sting hitting a belly to back off the top for two.

Foley gets stuck in a Tree of Woe and Sting pounds away. Sting goes for the leg which is apparently hurt now due to the Tree of Woe. That’s a new one I think. Spinning neckbreaker by Foley gets two. He goes for the cage but just kind of stops because of the leg. The door is off limits again I think which might be a rule all night.

Mick gets the Scorpion of all things on Sting which lasts about as long as Foley’s third title reign by comparison. Foley calls for the door to be open and shoves Hebner out of the way. Since he can’t climb he has no issue with going through the door apparently. For no apparent reason he hits a baseball slide to the cameraman in the hole he uses.

Foley tries to climb through said hole but gets caught by Sting and locked in the Deathlock. He crawls to the hole in the cage and has the cameraman slip him the bat. This is getting better. Sting tries to go up but gets caught by a shot to the leg with the bat and another one to send him to the mat. And then he’s fine seconds later, beating up Foley with the bat instead.

The barbed wire on the bat breaks up and goes into Sting’s eyes. He wraps Socko in it and gives Sting a running knee in the corner. What was funny/bad here was that he also slammed his head into the cage and busted his head open legitimately. Both guys are busted now and the fans are way behind Foley which is weird to see for a Sting opponent.

Both go up the cage but on different sides. Foley DIVES to the floor and amazingly enough wins the title totally clean. He said in the book that there were like 4 seconds left in the show here which never made sense based on what I remembered and I was right as there was like forty seconds left.

Rating: B-. I’m probably being very biased here but I liked this. They had a slow build here and the ending, while surprising, makes sense. Foley is a hardcore wrestler and he beat Sting in a hardcore match. Also the idea was for Foley to come out and prove to Sting that he still had it so what better way than to take his title? This was good although it was slow at times which hurts it.

Obvious I had to skip a bunch of stuff for the sake of space but you could list probably 50 very good Foley matches. The guy just knew how to entertain an audience and could make anyone look good. The best accolade I can think of for Foley is this: he was the first real title feuds for Austin, HHH and The Rock. He was the guy put with them to ensure their reigns got off to a good start. That’s an awful lot of faith to put in someone and the company put it in Mick Foley.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 3: Chris Kanyon

Today we’re looking at someone who actually did some new innovative stuff in the ring: Chris Kanyon.

As is becoming a tradition here, we’ll look at a match from the jobbing days. This one is from WWF Superstars of Wrestling from December 10, 1994.

Owen Hart vs. Chris Kanyon

Owen is still one of the top heels in the company at this time. Hart cranks on the arm to start and hits a hard clothesline to take Kanyon down. Back to the wristlock before Owen avoids an elbow to stop Kanyon’s comeback attempt. Kanyon rams him into the buckle a few times but misses a moonsault press. The missile dropkick sets up the Sharpshooter to give Owen the win. Standard squash.

Owen beats him up a bit more post match.

Kanyon would eventually get to WCW as a masked man named Mortis. He would have a mysterious backstory that was never fully explained but he had some connection to Glacier. This led to a feud, and I mean a LONG feud, with no one caring about either guy. During this time though, Kanyon gained a tag partner named Wrath. They never did much of note, but they did have a shockingly good match on the July 22, 1997 episode of Monday Nitro.

La Parka/Psychosis vs. Mortis/Wrath

Wrath and La Parka start things off with the skeleton man (La Parka) taking over with some kicks. He goes up but jumps into an elbow so it’s off to Psychosis vs. Mortis. Mortis stomps away in the corner but Psychosis breaks free and goes up…..and falls without being touched at all. Ah the perils of live TV.

Psychosis comes back with a dropkick and everyone falls to the floor, where La Parka hits a big corkscrew plancha to the floor. Psychosis slides in to try to dive on Wrath, only to get caught and slammed onto the floor. Mortis suplexes Psychosis back in for two but misses a top rope backsplash. Onoo and Vandenberg get in a fight, as do Wrath and La Parka. Psychosis rolls up Mortis for two but there’s no referee to count. Wrath picks up Psychosis for a powerbomb and Mortis makes it a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was WAY better than you would have expected and got pretty entertaining by the end. The botch was bad but it happens every now and then and there’s almost nothing you can do about it. La Parka and Psychosis didn’t look like jobbers here, but rather a tag team that got beat by a better one. This was a surprisingly fun match and I liked it way more than I was expecting to.

Mortis would eventually be unmasked and become known as Kanyon while involved in a long and confusing story with Raven and Saturn. Eventually he would turn on Saturn and join the Flock which mostly led nowhere. Kanyon would take a hiatus to work as a stuntman in Hollywood before returning as part of the Jersey Triad. They held the tag titles under the Freebird Rule and would defend the belts against Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn at Bash at the Beach 1999. The other part of the Triad is Bam Bam Bigelow and the three can swap in and out at any given time.

Tag Titles: Jersey Triad vs. Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn

 

This is the ONLY good thing about this entire show. Remember that the Freebird Rule is in effect but they can trade off who is in the match at any time, more or less making this a handicap match. The starters here are Bigelow and Page. As for the actual match it’s Page vs. Saturn. All three members of the Triad are on the apron even though Kanyon was announced as accompanying them.

 

Saturn cleans house to start us off, knocking everyone to the floor. Off to Benoit vs. Bigelow and Page is on the floor now. Bigelow hammers him down but Benoit gets a boot up in the corner. How often do you see a single clothesline drop Biegelow? The Triad hits the floor for a bit so now it’s Saturn vs. Kanyon. Kanyon was the betrayer that cost Raven and Saturn the tag titles a few weeks ago to get them on the Triad.

 

Saturn tries a German on Kanyon but Kanyon grabs the referee to block it. Off to Benoit now who runs over Kanyon. There’s that snap suplex and into a Liontamer. Benoit and Saturn clear the ring again and Saturn gets two on Kanyon. Benoit gets a backbreaker for two. Kanyon keeps getting beaten on as Saturn hits a top rope legdrop for two. Totally one sided so far.

 

Page comes back in without a tag and sends Saturn to the floor. Some heel shenanigans put Saturn down and we hit the floor for a bit. Silverman, the referee here, counts really slowly. Bigelow and Kanyon are beating on Saturn now as the fans are paying attention to something else. Bigelow hits a chinlock because the fans aren’t paying attention. That’s a veteran move there and proof of what experience can teach you.

 

Kanyon sits Saturn on the top rope and tries what looks like a Fameasser but crotches himself before he can hit it. Saturn hits a suplex off the top and it’s off to Benoit. He cleans house but the numbers catch up to him. Page goes insane for a bit, jumping up on the ropes to yell at the fans. He goes outside and keeps yelling, even climbing on the barrier. Weird.

 

DDP and Bigelow are the “legal” Triad members now. We’re told about how awesome Page is and how he’s held every title. The only other people I can think of that did that are Sting and Luger (if you count the NWA versions as title reigns which I do). Flair technically did but his TV Title reigns were in the 70s when the title was more of a regional one. Eh not that it matters but I love stuff like that.

 

Kanyon gets a sunset flip on Benoit for two. Bigelow beats on him for awhile as the crowd pops for something. Page gets his turn now as Benoit is getting destroyed. It’s to the point now where Saturn has to make saves. There’s the hot tag but the referee doesn’t see it. Page gets that WICKED helicopter bomb on Benoit for two. Love that move. Kanyon gets a middle rope legdrop for two.

 

Benoit suplexes Kanyon and Bigelow saves the tag again. Benoit is like screw it and suplexes Bigelow. The fans are distracted again as Bigelow counters a suplex into kind of a cross body. The moonsault that wouldn’t have hit even if Benoit hadn’t moved but he did move misses and there’s Saturn finally. Saturn cleans house with suplexes and kicks and Benoit is back in already.

 

Bigelow and Benoit are the only ones in the ring. Saturn goes up top as does Benoit. Splash by Saturn is followed by the Swan Dive but Page makes the save. Northern Lights gets two on Page. Kanyon has powder as the referee goes down. Powder to Saturn but Page messes up and hits the Cutter on Kanyon but he gets the foot on the rope. Crowd is WAY into this. The Canadian hits a German on an American for two. There’s a garbage can in the ring and the referee goes down again. Page cleans house with the can and Bigelow/Page hit a 3D on Saturn to retain.

 

Rating: B+. Like I said, this is the only reason to watch this show but it’s a pretty awesome tag match. The Triad would lose the titles after Flair either fired them or lost power next month. This was really fun though and it ate up over twenty minutes so it had more than enough time to develop. Very fun stuff here and it’s worth seeing.

After the Triad broke up, Kanyon would be called Positively Page in a parody of Diamond Dallas Page. This would eventually lead to a match that doesn’t need a backstory at all. It’s from New Blood Rising against Buff Bagwell and that’s all you’ll need to know.

Buff Bagwell vs. Chris Kanyon

Yep it’s Judy Bagwell on a pole. Kanyon is still imitating DDP here which must make Madden cringe. Bagwell isn’t even on a pole but rather a forklift. Do you win by pin I suppose? Kanyon is POSITIVELY Kanyon here (Page’s book was Positively Page) and if he wins then Judy has to be his Kimberly. The fans chant USA in Canada. I guess WCW managed to lower intelligences that fast.

There isn’t a pole that they could get to hold up Judy. They start by fighting next to the forklift and we’re already in the audience. I don’t think the match has actually started yet. Kanyon does his usual good stuff as no one cares about this. Seriously there’s a woman on a forklift match. I can’t believe I’m watching this. Kanyon gets the turnbuckle pad off and the referee is just fine with it.

Kanyon could do some solid stuff in the ring if nothing else. He really was innovative. Madden gets on DDP of course. Does he owe Madden money or something? Kanyon works on the neck of Bagwell which was broken like a year ago. Bagwell gets a hot shot onto the exposed buckle for two. Kanyon Kutter gets two and here comes the real DDP…never mind it’s David Arquette.

He hits Bagwell in the back with a construction hat for two. Buff hits a double Blockbuster, which is a front flip neckbreaker off the middle rope on both guys, with Arquette just getting smashed in the face by a forearm instead of a neckbreaker. This ends it and Judy is saved off the forklift. Oh and this is sports entertainment, not wrestling. Kanyon hits the Kutter on Arquette after the match, getting cheered despite being a heel.

Rating: D+. As idiotic as this was, the wrestling was watchable I suppose. At this point you couldn’t treat WCW as realistic from a wrestling standpoint so this was about as good as the midcard stuff would get. For the rating I’m factoring out the whole insanity because it meant nothing anyway. I can’t believe they brought Arquette back AGAIN. This was somehow watchable and I don’t know why.

 

Kanyon would go to the WWF for a few years and do nothing of note. He would be awarded the US Title and won some tag titles during the InVasion but he was never more than a warm body. We’ll skip that and go to a legends show which is the last match that I can find him competing him. Pay attention to the post match chat with Page, which gets a real answer from what I can find.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Kanyon

Well at least there’s some history here. DDP goes through the crowd as he tended to but gets jumped by Kanyon. The announcers call this a dream match. That’s kind of absurd but Kanyon is on a show called World Wrestling Legends so what do you expect here? They brawl in the crowd a bit and DDP dominates. And there’s the bell. I love brawls before the bell for some reason.

This is far more of a brawl than a regular match but who cares. Discus Lariat from DDP gets two. There’s a low blow that somehow the referee misses as he’s looking straight at DDP who is going strong and then has the face of someone that just got hit in the balls. Referees are idiots. Kanyon gets a big piece of wood that they call a table. Ah it is a table but not the standard kind. Maybe these will actually hold some weight.

Kanyon tries to suplex him over the top onto the table which wasn’t anywhere close to where DDP would have landed but who cares about something like that? Page comes back and pounds away but gets caught by more punches from the innovator of offense. Riveting stuff there. Sunset flip by Page gets two.

Sleeper by Kanyon with Page flailing all over the place to the extent that he looks like he’s dancing badly. Page comes back and gets a suplex for two. Pretty back and forth match so far here. Kanyon goes out and grabs a chair but due to the laws of wrestling averages it goes into his face for two. Page is sent to the floor as this is going back and forth too fast with little being sold.

Kanyon channels his inner Bret Hart by playing possum and hitting Page in the throat with some foreign object for two. Page hits a back drop onto the ramp as Kanyon is in trouble. In a SICK bump, Page throws Kanyon off the stage and onto the table which Kanyon just bounces off of. FREAKING OW MAN! After a brief comeback from Kanyon the Diamond Cutter ends him.

Rating: C-. Again not bad considering these guys hadn’t wrestled in years probably. The pacing was really weird here but the fans only wanted to see the Diamond Cutter to end it and that’s exactly what they got. Having some history here helped a good bit. This wasn’t good or anything but it worked fairly well I’d suppose.

Page gets on the mic and flat out asks Kanyon if he’s gay. Well ok then. Does Page have ANY right to ask this? If he does I certainly don’t see it. Kanyon affirms it and Page says rock on more or less. Well that came out of nowhere. I had no idea how ironic that wording was until after I typed it but whatever.

That’s Kanyon’s big claim to fame after his death: he claimed he was homosexual but wrestled in the closet his entire career. I say claimed because he said that it was both fake and real at different times (his last answer was that it was real) so there’s a chance it was a gimmick.

Kanyon was a guy who did some actually innovative things in the ring. Not a lot of his moves stuck save for the downward spiral (which I don’t think he innovated but I don’t remember seeing anyone do it before him) but he was always fun to watch. There was a ton of potential there in 1998 but since he was in WCW, he never had a chance.

Also you often hear about people dying too young but it’s true in Kanyon’s case. He was only 40 when he died of what appeared to be suicide by drug overdose. To end this on a positive note, I’d recommend you check out some of his stuff as Kanyon (not Mortis) in WCW if you want to see someone who could mix things up out there. I’ve become a fan of his while watching old Nitros which doesn’t happen often.

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Wrestler of the Day – January 2: Cody Rhodes and Goldust

I’m already having to stretch with this one as there’s no one video of anyone born on January 2. Therefore, today’s wrestlers are going to be the hottest second generation acts at the moment: Goldust and Cody Rhodes. We’ll start with the elder of the pair.

Goldust is the more famous incarnation of Dustin Rhodes who made his national debut for all intents and purposes at the 1991 Royal Rumble, joining his father Dusty in a tag match against Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

That was it for the Rhodes Family in the WWF as they moved back to WCW almost immediately. Dustin would get a lot better over time and become known as the Natural. He would win the US Title in 1993 and defend it against Steve Austin at Starrcade 1993.

US Title: Steve Austin vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

The Natural” Rhodes is defending but Austin is rapidly becoming the character that would make him the legend that he was destined to be. He also has Colonel Robert Parker as his manager and this is 2/3 falls. Jesse entertains himself by making fun of the Hooters girl (“You can’t call her the Natural.”) as they fight on the mat for basic control. The champion puts on a headscissors but Austin quickly makes a rope. An elbow to the head puts Austin on the floor and we take a breather.

 

Rhodes pounds in knees to Steve’s arm but Austin rolls right back to the floor. Back in again with Dustin taking him down to the mat with a headlock. Austin fights up and kicks him in the ribs, only to be caught in a backslide for two. Austin bails right back to the floor as the match stops all over again. This time though Austin pulls him to the mat and hits an elbow on Dustin’s chest to take over.

 

Now Rhodes knocks Austin into the crowd before heading back inside. Steve looks very frustrated and a big right hand frustrates him even more. Back to the headlock because we haven’t spent enough time in that hold yet. Austin escapes and drops some knees, only to be popped in the jaw again. Rhodes is thrown to the floor but he comes back in with a sunset flip for two. A belly to back suplex puts the champion down and Austin gets a lazy two.

 

They ram heads and yet again we lay around. This has been another dull match in a series of them tonight. Back up and Rhodes hits an elbow to the head but Austin falls on top during a slam attempt, getting another near fall. Austin misses a middle rope knee drop and Dustin connects with a lariat. A powerslam gets two as Parker is up on the apron. Dustin throws Austin int Parker but Steve goes over the top, giving him the first fall in a DQ.

 

Austin is busted open and Parker has to be taken to the back after being attacked by Dustin. The second fall starts and there go the lights. Thankfully we have a spotlight ready as Dustin hits a suplex for no cover. They head to the corner with Rhodes pounding away and the lights are back. In a quick ending, Austin shoves him off the ropes and grabs the trunks for the pin, the second fall, and the title.

 

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of these lame matches. Austin and Rhodes are WAY too talented to have such a bad match, but the majority of this match was spent doing very basic stuff which had no excitement to it at all. There’s nothing to see here at all, as is the case with all of the matches so far tonight.

 

Dustin would eventually jump to the WWF again and would undergo one of the most radical changes in history. Instead of being the Natural, he would become a man in a gold suit with gold hair and covered in gold paint named Goldust. He was obsessed with the movies and quoted film nonstop. After doing little of note for a few months, he would challenge Razor Ramon for the Intercontinental Title at Royal Rumble 1996.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Goldust would stick around for years to come but would mainly be a midcarder who was strange in name only. We’re going to skip ahead to December of 2002 when Goldust was part of a very funny tag team with Booker T. This is from Armageddon 2002 in a four way tag team title match with Booker T/Goldust as one set of challengers.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

The Canadians are champions and this is under elimination rules. The Dudleys are only 15 time tag champions here. They’re also recently reunited, having gotten back together at Survivor Series. The Dudleys and Unamericans (Regal/Storm) were pre-determined to start the match in a four way coin toss somehow. Storm and Bubba get us going here with Storm hammering away.

Ray channels the POWER OF AMERICA and beats down Storm with a corner splash and it’s off to Christian vs. D-Von. We get a rundown of the city structure of Dudleyville as Regal comes in now. Goldust vs. the British dude with the British dude hitting a suplex for no cover. Christian tagged himself in, ticking Regal off. Is there a reason why you would want to come in? I’d chill on the apron until it’s down to two teams.

Jericho comes in and is sent right back out again by Goldie. Back in Jericho reminds Goldust that he’s THE KING OF THE WORLD and it’s off to Christian as Goldie is in trouble. What’s Up to Christian as some Dudleys are here in case you didn’t get that one. Everything breaks down and we have Christian vs. D-Von left in the ring. 3D to Christian but Regal got a blind tag. After a weird confusion, Regal gets two on Ray (illegal man) but it’s called a pin anyway. Five seconds later Goldust gets a powerslam (seriously?) to Regal to get us down to two teams. That was an incredibly confusing sequence.

Ok so it’s Christian/Jericho vs. Booker/Goldust. The good guys (Booker/Goldust) hammer on Jericho with Booker being legal. Hook kick gets two for Booker and it’s off to the armbar. Christian is down on the floor I guess. Maybe he’s off finding a good deal on Turtle Wax. Either way he’s not in the corner but he pops up in time to break up a pin attempt on Jericho.

Off to Christian who avoids a forearm, sending Goldust to the floor. Jericho gets a British flag to Goldust’s back to take over again. Back in Christian gets an abdominal stretch and a chant saying he sucks. Jericho comes in and goes down quickly but Christian makes a nice save to break up the tag. I would have thought that would have worked. In a surprising moment, Goldust wakes up and beats the champions down with ease. Ross calls a chokeslam (kind of) a sidewalk slam. Ok then.

Off to Booker who gets the Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner for two. He hammers on Jericho but the falling sleeper (looked awful) takes down Booker for two. Here come the Walls but Jericho gets rolled up for two. Axe kick misses and there are the Walls. Goldie pops up out of nowhere and hits a bulldog to take Jericho down.

A belt shot by Christian doesn’t work and a missile dropkick gets two on Jericho. Lionsault misses so Booker stops for the Spinarooni. Axe kick gets two and everything breaks down again. Belt shot and Lionsault get two on Booker and Jericho is ticked. So ticked that he walks into the Bookend and we’re done with new comedic champions.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here as they sped through the first two eliminations so we could get to the two top teams. Goldie and Booker were funny but they lost the titles in like three weeks to the Unamericans. They knew how to have a fast paced tag match out there and the whole thing worked rather well. This was somehow almost 17 minutes long and it feels like about seven, which is a great thing.

The new champions would lose the titles a month later and Goldust would become little more than a jobber. He went to TNA for a few years and was a monster named Black Reign before pretty much fading away. Finally in 2013 he was brought back as part of a storyline war between the Rhodes and McMahon families, culminating in a tag match at Battleground where he teamed with his brother Cody against the Shield for the Rhodes Family’s jobs.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Seth Rollins/Roman Reigns

If the Rhodes Family wins, they get their jobs back. If Shield wins, Cody and Goldust are gone forever and Dusty loses his job too. This is also non-title. Dusty is at ringside to counter act Dean Ambrose and Goldust looks like Darth Maul. Cody pounds away on Seth to start and it’s quickly off to Roman who gets pounded down in the corner. Shield bails to the floor and stalks Dusty, setting up a cool looking six man standoff with the brothers protecting their dad.

Back in and Roman knees Cody down as the champions take over. Seth comes in but walks into an elbow to the jaw and a stomping in the corner. Rollins sends him into the buckle to escape and it’s off to Roman for some power. After an easy pounding it’s quickly back to Rollins to crank on the shoulder a bit. Cody gets caught in the Tree of Woe but frees up a leg to kick Seth down. The moonsault press hits Rollins perfectly and the hot tag brings in Goldust.

An atomic drop slows Reigns down and Goldust pounds him down in the corner. Goldust hits a spinning cross body off the top for two but misses a regular cross body, sending him out to the floor. Goldie dives back in at nine but gets caught in a body scissors from Rollins. Back to Reigns for a good looking clothesline for two before it’s back to Rollins who gets the same off a hilo. Goldust comes back by avoiding a dropkick and powerslamming Seth down.
There’s the hot tag off to Cody for an Alabama Slam to Rollins for a very near fall. Something like a Muscle Buster gets two on Rollins and everything breaks down. The Disaster Kick staggers Reigns and Cody clotheslines him to the floor but an Ambrose distraction allows Seth to come back in for the save. Dusty elbows Ambrose down and Seth rolls up Cody for two. Rhodes comes pops back up and hits Cross Rhodes for the pin at 13:55.

Rating: B. This was ALL about emotion coming in but the match was good stuff on top of that. Again, this match worked because we were given a reason to care about the underdogs and wanted to see them win instead of being told we wanted to see them win. That’s how you make a good story and it worked perfectly well here.

That brings us to Cody Rhodes, who is far different from his dad and brother but still very talented. We’ll start with his time down in OVW as he teams up with CM Punk to face Jay Bradley (occasionally seen in TNA) and Shawn Spears who appeared in WWECW a few times. I’m not 100% sure on the date here but I’m pretty sure it’s June 23, 2007.

Cody Runnels/CM Punk vs. Shawn Spears/Jay Bradley

Bradley is OVW Champion and Spears is TV Champion. Cody has half polka dot half goldu trunks to honor his family. If Punk and Cody (the good guys here) win, Cody gets Spears in a strap match this coming week and Punk gets a title match with Bradley next week on TV. Cody decks Bradley in the face with a string of forearms but keeps looking over at Spears. Bradley catches him in a fallaway slam and it’s off to Spears who immediately runs to the floor.

It’s back to Bradley who runs from Punk and tags Spears back in. Cody gets an immediate tag to send Spears running again but Bradley makes another save. Bradley hits Cody with some forearms to the back and like a good heel, Spears finally comes in when Cody is down. Cody shrugs off everything Spears has to throw at him, sending Shawn to the corner for another tag. Announcer Dean Hill talks about Spears and Cody being former partner until Spears turned on him. Simple but effective story.

Bradley puts Cody in a chinlock and drags him to the corner for another tag off to Shawn. Spears plays a nice cocky heel until Cody punches him in the face. Punk comes in sans tag but only gets his partner in more trouble. The heels stay in control until Spears ducks his head and gets punched in the face. Cody FINALLY makes the tag off to Punk and everything breaks down, sending the heels running off for the countout.

Rating: C-. This was about setting up stuff for later and there’s nothing wrong with that. Cody had the look and some natural skills but he needed a lot of seasoning at this point. Punk was barely in the match at all but he was just a special attraction in OVW here. Cody would win the title in just a few days.

Post match Cody pulls out a strap and cleans house on everyone that comes from the locker room to help the heels.

Cody would debut on Raw less than a month later. He would go on to feud with Hardcore Holly and eventually get a tag team title shot at the Raw 15th Anniversary special on December 10, 2007.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Dusty is out here too so you know this is going to be a title change. Cody’s team is challenging. Cade and Cody start us off as Dusty is at home talking a lot. He really was good at what he did and the one biggest thing about him: you can never say he was boring. He paid attention and had insight about EVERYTHING. Cody is very much a rookie here and after he gets beaten up for awhile it’s a double tag and Holly cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam gives Rhodes and Holly the titles. Dusty comes in to celebrate with them.

They would hold the titles for over seven months despite few people seeming interested. Cody would turn heel and join up with Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Jr. as part of Legacy. The trio would dominate Raw for a good while and eventually feud with DX, leading to a submissions only match at Breaking Point.

DX vs. Legacy

This is submissions count anywhere. We get the obligatory Montreal reference from DX which makes sense as we’re in Montreal tonight. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault in a rather funny bit. There are in essence no rules in this to speak of. Shawn is famous for the figure four? Since when? We’re already into the crowd so at least they’re not trying that hard to make this look like a normal match. That’s always a perk.

Shawn has DiBiase in a choke on a railing in the audience and HHH and Rhodes are back in the concourse I think. We were in the ring for all of 8 seconds in case you were wondering. They’re brawling all over the place but of course we’re heading back to the ring now. Rhodes is put onto a chair and HHH gets a Boston Crab at the same time that Shawn gets a camel clutch. Good to know. After that is broken up we get a crossface from HHH.

I’m not sure if this is a good match or not. Rhodes hooks a Gory Special of all things. The formula of this match more of less is one guy puts a hold on another and the partner makes the save. It’s ok but there’s not much to it really. HHH and DiBiase are in the ring and Rhodes and Shawn are fighting in the production area. They fight into the stands and Shawn falls from there down to a perfectly placed empty area.

Basically HHH has to fight both guys off to keep them away from Shawn. Hmm…HHH having to face very big odds and do something no other normal person could pull off? Where’s the challenge? They’re in the back and beating the heck out of HHH. The crowd reaction would suggest Shawn is up. Oh wait it’s Montreal so maybe he died or something. Never mind. He’s up. It’s back to 1-2 now though as HHH got smacked in the head and is down.

Rhodes busts out an ankle lock on Shawn. You know, the guy with a bad back that just hurt his back a few minutes ago. I can’t stand stupid wrestlers at times. So Shawn was down for maybe two minutes from FALLING OFF A BALCONY and HHH is down much longer from a garbage can shot? Good freaking night.

Shawn gets that reverse figure four that he used like twice but he’s a master off all of a sudden anyway. Rhodes just goes off on Shawn and hooks the figure four on the post. DiBiase adds in the Million Dollar Dream. And Shawn taps out with HHH crawling on the floor. Talk about an EPIC win. Match kind of sucked but kind of didn’t.

Rating: B-. I liked it, but there were a LOT of problems here. For one thing, it got to the point where it was just the same stuff happening but with different people. That’s rather boring indeed. However, VERY happy that Legacy won as they actually needed a win as opposed to DX all over again. It was good but far from great. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though.

Once Legacy broke up, Cody eventually became obsessed with his looks and going by the name Dashing Cody Rhodes. He would offer tips on self-grooming and stuff like candles while still putting on good matches. Eventually he would have his face injured in a match against Rey Mysterio and wear a mask that made him look like Dr. Doom from Marvel Comics. The interesting aspect of the character was that Cody’s face looked exactly the same but in his head he was convinced he was hideous. This led to a match with Mysterio at Wrestlemania 27.

 

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Cody used to be Dashing but then Rey hit him with the 619 and the knee brace hit Cody in the face, scarring him and requiring facial surgery. Cody basically became Dr. Doom but in reality his face was fine. However he wanted Rey’s mask for retribution. This was an AWESOME character but of course WWE would wind up wasting the entire thing and make Cody a jobber because they got bored with him after a few months. Still though, this part was awesome.

Oh yeah the match. Rey comes out as Captain America this year which is an awesome looking costume for him. Rey is almost immediately sent to the apron but comes in off the top with a dropkick to take over. A forearm to Rey’s face takes over and Cody goes after the knee brace which caused the initial injury. Rey kicks his way out of the corner but Cody headbutts him in the face to take over again because of the hard mask.

The Disaster Kick to the head puts Rey down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Cody charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with the Alabama Slam for two. Back to the knee brace for a second before Cody hits a running knee to the back of Rey’s head to keep him down. Mysterio is sent to the apron again and goes up top, only to be sent down in a delayed superplex. Cody stomps away and talks about how Rey hurt his face.

Rey escapes Cross Rhodes and sends Cody out to the floor for a baseball slide to the face. A headscissors sends Cody into the apron and we head back inside to speed things up. Rey hooks a quick quick rollup for two and fires off a kick to the face. Cody charges into a kick to the ribs but comes back with a release German suplex for two. A springboard headscissors puts Cody down but the 619 is caught in mid kick. Cody slingshots Rey’s throat into the middle rope for two more and now the knee brace is removed.

Rey comes right back with a moonsault press for two of his own and Cody loses his mask. The 619 hits and a hard kick to Cody’s head gets two more. Now Mysterio puts Cody’s mask on and hits a few headbutts with it before hitting a top rope headbutt to the chest for two. Cody rolls to the floor and sneaks in a shot to the face with the knee brace, followed up by Cross Rhodes for the upset pin.

Rating: B-. Good match here and pretty easily Cody’s biggest win ever to this point. Cody needed this win a lot more than Mysterio and it made him even more awesome than he already was before this match. Mysterio had nothing to gain here and it was a pleasant sight to see the hotter star go over like that.

 

Cody would go on to win the Intercontinental Title and hold it for several months. After losing it for the second time, things would go down in a hurry for Rhodes as he would be stuck in midcard and tag team feuds that went nowhere. It wouldn’t be until Fall of 2013 when Cody got a match with WWE Champion Randy Orton for his job that he would show the potential he had again.

 

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

 

If Cody loses he’s gone. Orton pounds away in the corner to start and takes him down with a clothesline. Rhodes is draped over the top rope and sent out to the floor, but he sends Randy into the steps for a breather. Cody cranks on the arm and gets two off a dropkick before pounding away in the corner. Orton gets choked on the ropes but comes back with a poke to the eye for two. More right hands have Randy in control but Cody comes back with a release front suplex and right hands of his own in the corner. Orton hits the backbreaker out of said corner to send Cody to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Orton throwing Cody back inside for two but Cody comes back with an elbow to the jaw and an uppercut to put Rhodes down. A springboard missile dropkick gets a close two and the Disaster Kick gets the same. Orton sidesteps the moonsault press and puts Cody down with the Elevated DDT. The RKO is countered into the Cross Rhodes out of nowhere for a VERY close two. I thought that was it. The fans are WAY into Cody here but Orton snaps his throat across the top rope. Back in and Rhodes gets two off a rollup but another Disaster Kick misses and the RKO connects for the pin at 13:35.

Rating: B. When you have me believing that Cody Rhodes could beat Randy Orton, you’re doing something right. I’m not sure where they’re going to go with Cody now as he got a good rub here but apparently he’s gone for a bit due to the loss. Either they’re going back on what they said or he’s really taking time off for some reason. Still though, good match here.

 

Overall, the Rhodes children are the polar opposite of their dad. Dusty was all about promos and usually couldn’t have a good match if his life depended on it. Cody and Goldust can both talk but are much more athletic in the ring. At this point Goldust is having one of the best career comebacks you’ll ever see while Cody could be an upper midcard fixture for years to come.

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