I think we’ve talked enough about how unimportant this show is as even WWE has seemed to acknowledge it. They have gone out of their way to start advertising Wrestlemania already, mainly because it is taking place a mere three weeks after Fastlane. That is nowhere near enough time for a Wrestlemania build but at least they are doing something with it in advance. That means at the cost of Fastlane, but how many people are going to care? Let’s get to it.

Alexa Bliss vs. Randy Orton

Let’s get this out of the way early because this story has been awful. Odds are this is going to set up the return of the Fiend, or whatever the latest Bray Wyatt incarnation we’re getting, to get us to the final blowoff at Wrestlemania. I’ve been dreading this since the second they announced it because it is going to have a lot of supernatural shenanigans and that is not a good thing.

Since this is not likely to be a match but is billed as one anyway, I’ll take Bliss to “win”, as I can’t imagine Orton actually doing anything to her. I know it’s going to be bad and I don’t need to see it, but at least it’s better than watching Orton vs. the Fiend again….or at least I think it is. Anyway, Bliss wins the non-match.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler(c) vs. Bianca Belair/Sasha Banks

This is a tried and kind of true method of building towards a singles title match and thankfully we seem to have moved past the point of doing a title change here, as it would be one of the worse things that they could do. What worries me is the amount of Reginald that could be involved, because WWE REALLY wants to do that Jax Likes A Small Guy story for whatever reason.

I’ll take the champs to retain here, even though they have no other challengers and have done about all they can with the belts. Banks vs. Belair needs to be a story about the two of them instead of the two of them dealing with other people, so hopefully that is where we go after this match ends. I’m not sure what to expect going forward, but these stories need to be split up already.

Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman

Why? What did we do to deserve this, which very well may set up a rematch at Wrestlemania? I know Shane is a McMahon and that makes him one of the stars of the show, but it does not make him fun to watch in the ring. McMahon has been the face in this story since the beginning and watching him outsmart Strowman and beat him up on Monday didn’t help things.

For the sake of my sanity, I’ll take Strowman here, but I don’t think I have much of a reason to believe that is correct. There is little reason for this match to take place other than getting Shane in the ring again and the green slime deal did not make things any better. We’re pretty much down to hoping for a miracle with this one and that is not a good place to be.

US Title: Riddle(c) vs. Mustafa Ali

Redemption almost has to be coming to an end sooner or later a they have been on fumes for the entirety of their run. Maybe they get a boost if Ali can win the title here, but it’s not like anything else they have done has worked so far. The team is so far removed from its original identity that they don’t really even have characters anymore, so winning a title might give them a little something to focus on.

That being said, I can’t imagine they take the title off of Riddle so soon so I’ll go with him retaining and furthering Retribution’s problems. At the very least it would be nice to see Mace and T-Bar turned into a tag team as they could give New Day some issues in a hurry. That’s a little ways off though, as Ali has to lose to Riddle first, which is what I see happening here.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Seth Rollins

This was added during this week’s Smackdown and that means you should be able to see the path to Wrestlemania from here. Nakamura is standing up for Cesaro after Rollins took him out the previous week, like any good friend should be doing. That will likely set up Rollins vs. Cesaro at Wrestlemania, but first we have to get through this one and it should be a fun one.

There is no reason for Nakamura to win here so I’ll take Rollins as he gears up for Tampa and Cesaro. Maybe we can get the good Nakamura here instead of the coasting version, but given how he is feeling in this story, can you blame him for not exactly being thrilled? We might even have a great one in there, but I’m not exactly getting my hopes up for it this time.

Intercontinental Title: Big E.(c) vs. Apollo Crews

I want to like this one and there is a chance that we can get a good match, but everything will fall apart again as soon as Crews starts talking. I know that it is nice for him to have a character, but the combination of Coming To America and Black Panther accent is hurting what would otherwise be an interesting character. Big E. has sold the emotions while still taking a beating, so the potential is there.

I’ll take Big E. to retain here as I can’t imagine they take the title off of him that soon. Throw in the fact that Crews sounds so out there and it is hard to imagine the title changing hands. Crews is better than he was about a year ago, but I have no idea how far they think he is going to go without some adjustments. The talent is there, but as usual with WWE, they aren’t quite hitting the presentation.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus

This is No Holds Barred and the Raw main event of the show. That’s not the worst idea in the world as these two have had some pretty awesome matches so far and I could go for watching them beat the fire out of each other on pay per view. There is a slight chance of throwing a monkey wrench into the McIntyre vs. Lashley Wrestlemania title match but that might be a stretch.

I’ll go with McIntyre here, but I can’t shake the feeling that they might try something. Lashley interfering would make some sense, though I’m not sure if that would change what they have already announced. We could be in for a heck of a fight here though and these two have shown some outstanding chemistry together. Let them do their thing and have the match of the night though, because that’s what they could do here.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns(c) vs. Daniel Bryan

Now here we have the match where I really hope they do change something around, because this should be Wrestlemania. Bryan has made me believe in him all over again with those awesome promos on Friday and it would be great to see him get the chance to do his thing one more time on the big stage. Unfortunately we are getting Edge instead, and he will be ringside this time as the outside enforcer.

I really want to say that they’ll pull a surprise here (not necessarily a title change, but something that brings Bryan into Wrestlemania) but I don’t think they will. Edge will get involved in the finish and I could go for him trying to spear Jey Uso and hitting Bryan to cost him the title. That’s pure fantasy booking, but Reigns isn’t losing here and he’ll retain the title on his way to Tampa.

Overall Thoughts

The potential is there. This show feels like it could be rather good based on the complete lack of expectations coming into it and that is not a bad thing. There is little reason to care about the show but if the action and storytelling are both there, we could be in for a nice night. Odds are they are going to be in and out quickly as has been the case with most B level pay per views as of late, so for once we can call this cautious optimism.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: March 19, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Fastlane and that means we need to add a few matches to the card. I’m sure you can guess a few of them from here, which may or may not be the best thing. The big match tonight will see Edge wrestle his first singles match on Smackdown in ten years when he faces Jey Uso for the right to be the ringside enforcer for Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns at Fastlane. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair get in an argument backstage about Banks defending against Nia Jax tonight. Somehow this is about Reginald and Belair isn’t happy. This isn’t a good idea and she isn’t coming to save Banks. That’s fine with Sasha, who won’t need her to.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Banks is defending and Shayna Baszler is in Nia’s corner. Baszler offers a quick trip to start but Banks is right back with a kick to the head and stomps in the corner. The double knees in the corner rock Nia again but it’s way too early for the Bank Statement. An elbow sends Banks into the corner and there’s a delayed gorilla press drop for two. Jax runs her over again and there’s a Samoan drop for two more. Cue an annoyed Bianca Belair and we take a break.

Back with Nia dominating and swinging Banks (in a powerbomb position) hard into the corner for two. We hit the chinlock on Banks but Nia misses a sitdown splash. A Meteora to the back of the head gives Banks two but Nia kicks her to the floor. Back in and Banks spins out of a slam into a tornado DDT to set up the Bank Statement. Shayna comes in and, with the referee holding Belair out, accidentally kicks Nia. Banks grabs a rollup for the pin at 9:30.

Rating: C. Not too bad here but it was all about the storytelling instead of the title. I really don’t need to see these four in another Tag Team Title match but as long as they don’t change the titles, everything should be ok. Just get us to Banks vs. Belair without the other two involved and we should be in for a better story once they get to that point.

We look back at the Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns contract signing which of course broke down into a brawl, also including Jey Uso and Daniel Bryan.

Edge is happy to be back in the ring tonight because Smackdown has always felt like home. The best nights of his career took place here but so did the worst, when he had to vacate the World Heavyweight Title. He is back tonight though and feels like Jey Uso could be a top start but he is stuck in Roman Reigns’ shadow. Tonight, Edge is teaching him a lesson.

Here is Seth Rollins for a chat.

Hang on though as we get a clip of Edge teaming with Hulk Hogan to win the Tag Team Titles nineteen years ago.

Nia Jax yells at Shayna Baszler about the loss. Shayna is going to get a match with Bianca Belair tonight and kick her head off.

Now we get back to the ring for Seth’s chat. Seth talks about returning a few weeks ago when all of the wrestlers were at ringside like he was a king. They don’t like him but they respect him, which is what really matters. Then they turned their backs on him because they are idiots, but Cesaro took the most time and stared at Seth, which was rather disrespectful. Rollins knows that it was because Cesaro is jealous of him because Rollins has success while Cesaro is an abject failure.

See, Rollins is a failure instead of a fighter and we see a clip of him laying Cesaro out last week. Rollins remembers Cesaro reaching out for that brass ring and found it great. Cesaro spun him 22 times and will never disrespect him like that again. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura (Rollins: “TALK ABOUT DISRESPECT!”), with Rollins saying Nakamura is more man than Cesaro. Nakamura tells him to shut up and hits a kick to the face. The threat of Kinshasa sends Rollins running. COME ON brings Rollins back in though and now Kinshasa leaves him laying.

Eric Bischoff is confirmed for the Hall of Fame. Much like Molly Holly, he doesn’t get a special video.

Street Profits vs. Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio

For a future Tag Team Title shot with champions Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode on commentary. Ford and Dominik go to the mat to start with Ford getting the better of things. Dawkins comes in to hit the spinning splash on Rey in the corner and it’s back to Ford for a heck of a clothesline on Dominik. Rey breaks up what looked to be a Doomsday Device and Dominik grabs a hurricanrana for the fast pin on Dawkins at 2:52. Dawkins’ eyes bugging out is funny.

Post match here is the Alpha Academy to say the Mysterios shouldn’t be #1 contender, not after they already beat them. For some reason the Academy turns their backs on them and get dropkicked to the floor. A few dives take them out and the Mysterios bail.

Alpha Academy vs. Dominik Mysterio/Rey Mysterio

Joined in progress with Rey hitting a 619 on Gable but Otis crotches him on top. Otis comes in to run Rey over again and hit a big boot to make it worse. Rey manages a dropkick into the corner though and the hot tag brings in Dominik to clean house. There’s a hurricanrana to Gable and a sunset flip gets two. Gable cuts off Dominik and nails him with a suplex, setting up Otis’ middle rope splash for the pin at 4:48.

Rating: C. This didn’t have a ton of time to go anywhere and it seems to set up a four way for the titles. Odds are that will be at Fastlane, which would hopefully leave the Street Profits’ solo title shot for Wrestlemania. I’m not wild of A beats B, B beats C and then all of them get a title shot, but it’s not like the tag division is going to get much better of a story.

Classic Edge Moment: cashing in Money in the Bank on Smackdown.

Kevin Owens comes up to Sami Zayn, who asks about Owens joining him again. Owens suggests that Zayn is responsible for his own problems and asks who these THEY are that Sami keeps referencing. Sami has an idea: be ringside tonight for his match against King Corbin and see if anything fishy happens. Owens reluctantly agrees.

Here’s Daniel Bryan for a chat. Bryan recaps tonight’s main event but doesn’t think Roman Reigns should need Jey Uso ringside at Fastlane. Edge on the other hand wants to be there because he wants to face Reigns at Wrestlemania. Well Edge isn’t getting what he wants, because Bryan is making Roman Reigns tap on Sunday.

Cue Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman with Reigns laughing at the idea of Bryan making him tap. Bryan has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying off like a bird than making Reigns tap out. No one has ever made him tap out and he would rather lose an arm than tap out to anyone. Reigns would rather die in that ring than tap out to someone like him.

Bryan says that’s pretty strong and says everyone thinks they are invincible and unbeatable until they aren’t. Everyone thinks they are untapoutable until they tap out. Bryan isn’t just going to make Reigns quit but he’s going to break him. Now Bryan doesn’t want Reigns to die, but he is beating him for the title at Fastlane. This was really good and just makes me wonder why in the world we have to have Edge involved at all. These promos are making him feel wedged in and that isn’t a good feeling going into the biggest night of the year.

We get a promo for Sami Zayn vs. King Corbin, which is called the least interesting match of all time. In the match no one asked for, it is the irritating force vs. the unlikable object. There must be a winner, but thankfully there will be a loser. Well that was funny, but why are they acknowledging that their match is bad?

Sami Zayn vs. King Corbin

Kevin Owens joins commentary. Sami hammers away against the ropes as Graves tries to figure out why this is billed as a terrible idea. Corbin is sent shoulder first into the ropes for two but the referee sees Sami grabbing the ropes. Sami gets caught taking the turnbuckle pad off and it’s the End of Days to give Corbin the pin at 2:03.

Post match Sami asks if Owens saw anything bad but Owens thought it was pretty good officiating and sometimes you just lose. Sami hits the Helluva Kick to leave Owens laying.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Seth Rollins is set for Fastlane.

We look back at Apollo Crews attacking Big E. again last week.

We get a sitdown, split screen interview between Big E. and Apollo Crews. Big E. says Crews wants to talk about reconciliation and singing Kumbaya. Sounding like he is trying not to explode, Big E. advises Crews to enjoy his next two days. Enjoy the crispness of the March air and the use of his limbs because the beating is coming. Crews, with the accent getting even stronger, says Big E. should watch his tone. He talks about a story his grandfather told him about watching what you say, because he is going to win the title Sunday.

Big E. wants to do this now and takes the mic off to go find Crews. He steps onto the baseball field and steals a golf cart, shouting for Crews to come fight him. Big E. finally finds him and the brawl is on with Big E. unloading on him with a trashcan. This was some great emotion from Big E. but Crews’ accent/voice made it feel like a huge joke.

Fastlane rundown, with Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre now No Holds Barred. Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman is listed again after being dropped from the WWE.com preview earlier this week.

Bianca Belair vs. Shayna Baszler

Nia Jax is at ringside and here is Sasha Banks….who walks to the back because Belair has this. Baszler knocks her to the floor to start but Belair is back in with a rollup for two. Cue Tamina and Natalya to jump Belair for the DQ at 1:06.

Post match, Belair gets destroyed. Insert your head shaking and heavy sighing here.

Classic Edge Moment: Edge retires, vacating the World Heavyweight Title in the process.

Edge vs. Jey Uso

The winner is the ringside enforcer for Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan at Fastlane. Bryan is on commentary as Edge shoulders Jey down to start and tries a very early Crossface. Edge tries to wrap the arm around the ropes but Uso gets in a shot to send Edge outside. Jey follows as Edge is favoring his ribs, meaning it’s a whip into the steps. A big dive sends Edge into the announcers’ table and we take a break.

Back with Jey still working on the ribs by sending them into the post a few times. Back up and they both try crossbodies to put them both down again, even though that was a really bad idea from Edge. It’s Edge up first with a middle rope knee to the shoulder for two, much to Bryan’s delight. A super hurricanrana takes Uso down again but the spear is blocked with a shot to the face. The Superfly Splash gets two and Uso is frustrated. Edge sends the arm into the mat and hits the spear for the pin at 12:08.

Rating: C+. Edge looked pretty good in there, which is impressive considering this was his first singles match against someone other than Randy Orton since Wrestlemania XXVII. They had a story going here with the ribs vs. the arm and while the ending wasn’t in doubt, it was nice to see them put in the effort on the way there. Edge didn’t look 46, but that doesn’t mean I want to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania. The new gear, with white boots for a change, did look good though.

Post match Reigns spears Edge and then hits Bryan with one of his own for daring to interfere.

Overall Rating: C. This was the blazing fast build up Fastlane show and while it helped for Sunday, I didn’t really have fun watching tonight. The biggest problem is there wasn’t much in the way of good wrestling, but at least they advanced some stories for Sunday and beyond. Now if only we can get through Fastlane already and focus solely on Wrestlemania, things could get a lot better in a hurry. For now though, just a decent show and nothing more.

Results

Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax – Rollup

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio b. Street Profits – Hurricanrana to Dawkins

Alpha Academy b. Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio – Middle rope splash to Dominik

King Corbin b. Sami Zayn – End of Days

Bianca Belair b. Shayna Baszler via DQ when Tamina and Natalya interfered

Edge b. Jey Uso – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Main Event
Date: March 18, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Kevin Patrick

It’s the go home show for Fastlane and that is not likely to be a good thing. The show is being treated as the most nothing event that has been seen in recent memory and there is no reason to assume that is going to change in any way with whatever happens here. Mainly because this is Main Event. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Lince Dorado vs. Akira Tozawa

Gran Metalik is here with Dorado, who drives Tozawa into the corner to start. A flying mare puts Tozawa down but he is right back up with a dropkick to the back. Tozawa gets two off a backsplash and hits the head fake right hand for the same. Frustration is starting to set in and we hit the chinlock. Dorado fights up with shots to the face and a hurricanrana, followed by a kick to the face for two. A high crossbody gets two more but Tozawa avoids a moonsault and hits a spinning kick to the head. The top rope back elbow gets two on Dorado but he knocks Tozawa off the top. The shooting star press gives Dorado the pin at 6:12.

Rating: C+. Well that was a nice surprise. These two had a heck of a match and that is not the kind of thing you get to say around here very often. If nothing else it is proof that the talent is there, but WWE has some issues presenting them. I know these two are not exactly likely to be given any kind of featured spot, but they are certainly good for things like this. Now could they do it on a bigger stage?

We look at Daniel Bryan beating Jey Uso in a cage to become #1 contender to the Universal Title at Fastlane.

From Smackdown.

Here is Edge to get things going. Edge talks about everyone telling him to acknowledge Roman Reigns, which is what Edge did when he picked him for the match at Wrestlemania. They were on a collision course but then Reigns turned down Daniel Bryan Boulevard. Bryan has been talking about how he deserves the Wrestlemania match more because it means more to him and he wrestles more in the last week than Edge has in years.

Edge thinks it’s time to remind people who he is, so we hear about the people he fought over his career, which has taken place in four decades. Cue Bryan to talk about how he thought Edge, as the Ultimate Opportunist, would understand Bryan going into business for himself. Bryan does love this and isn’t doing it to get one up on Edge.

Bryan was laying on the mat at Elimination Chamber and knew that this might be the last Wrestlemania of his career. He is going to do everything he can to get there because he might only have one more chance. Edge talks about winning the Royal Rumble, which included Bryan. Of course Edge likes Bryan, but Bryan isn’t better than him.

From Smackdown.

It’s time for the contract signing with Roman Reigns, Jey Uso, Paul Heyman and Daniel Bryan coming out to the ring. Adam Pearce asks who wants to go first and, after Reigns has his chair moved to the head of the table, Reigns says Bryan doesn’t want to do this. Bryan signs the contract and says last week, he made Uso tap, which Reigns never could. Maybe Bryan should be the self proclaimed Head of the Table!

That’s enough for Reigns, who immediately signs and Bryan promises to make Reigns tap too. Jey gets in Bryan’s face because he wants to be the enforcer. Cue Edge to say he likes that idea but he should be the enforcer instead. Edge proposes himself vs. Jey for next week with the winner being the enforcer. Pearce says deal and the big brawl is on. Edge shoves Bryan away so he can beat on Reigns himself, but Bryan knees Edge down to end the show. They might be messing with something here if they aren’t going to deliver Bryan vs. Edge, which almost has to happen somewhere at this point.

Rhea Ripley is coming to Raw.

From Raw.

Tag Team Titles: Hurt Business vs. New Day

New Day is challenging. Woods takes Alexander down by the arm to start and it’s quickly off to Kofi, who pulls Alexander to him with an invisible rope (ala Ryo Mizunami in AEW). A jumping knee puts Woods on the floor though and Shelton sends him hard into the steps. Back in and Kofi hits the middle rope standing double stomp, which is enough to bring Woods back in to clean house.

Everything breaks down and they head outside with Woods being whipped HARD into the steps as we take a break. Back with Woods hitting a clothesline but getting kneed in the ribs. The Michinoku Driver gives Alexander two but Woods gets in a shot, allowing the hot tag to Kofi. The SOS gives Kofi two as everything breaks down. Woods hits a DDT on Alexander on the floor and Trouble in Paradise hits Shelton. Woods hits the top rope elbow into Daybreak for the pin and the titles at 13:04.

Rating: C+. Well that came out of nowhere. New Day has held the titles so many times now that it doesn’t mean anything anymore but that has never stopped WWE. The worst part here is that commentary acted like it was a bigger deal that the team has momentum heading into Wrestlemania rather than being champions. That’s not how things should be working and it explains a lot of WWE’s problems these days.

Post match here are AJ Styles and Omos to interrupt. AJ mocks New Day for having another win but says he is running out of things to accomplish. He has never been a Tag Team Champion though, so he and Omos should be the next champions. The challenge is on for Wrestlemania, but Kofi wants to know if they are even registered as a team. Woods accepts the challenge and everything is set.

Humberto Carrillo vs. Angel Garza

They’ve fought each other so many times that there almost has to be something good here. Garza’s headlock to the mat is broken up in a hurry but he slips out of a headscissors without much trouble. Carrillo wristlocks him down but Garza is right back to work on the leg. That’s broken up as well and the springboard high angle armdrag sends Garza outside to take us to a break.

Back with Garza raking the eyes, allowing him to TAKE OFF HIS PANTS! Carrillo gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a running dropkick and it’s time to tie up Carrillo’s legs. That is broken up and Carrillo nails a springboard elbow to the face, followed by a spinebuster. The standing moonsault gives Carrillo two but Garza kicks him down again. The Wing Clipper finishes Carrillo at 10:34.

Rating: C-. I remember why I got bored watching these two fight for so many months. For family members who are both fun to watch most of the time, these two do not work very well together. Garza was the right choice for the winner, but it’s not like there is any reason to believe he is going to mean anything in WWE.

We see Alexa Bliss challenging Randy Orton for Fastlane, which has been made official.

From Raw.

Here are Bobby Lashley and MVP for a chat to get things going. MVP says we are now in the Almighty Era and Lashley promises to destroy McIntyre at Wrestlemania. Lashley: “Right now are in the….Almighty Era.” And that’s why MVP handles most of the talking. Cue Miz and John Morrison with Miz praising Lashley’s speech and saying they are all in on the Almighty Era. They think Miz should be in the title match at Wrestlemania because Miz defended the title twice in one night and had cramps both times!

Cue Drew McIntyre to say he knows what it is like to be on a sixteen year journey. McIntyre was knocked down off the ladder and claw back up and then they have both reached the finish line. MVP tries to interrupt but gets shut down and is asked why he is here. Miz interrupts and gets glared down, with McIntyre saying he owes Miz one.

They are facing each other tonight and Miz needs to run because McIntyre is going to Fastlane to beat up Sheamus and then take the title back from Lashley at Raymond James Stadium. The fight is nearly on but a Miz distraction lets Lashley jump him from behind. MVP and Lashley leave so Miz hammers away. Cue Sheamus to jump Lashley until referees break it up. MVP holds Lashley back.

From Raw again.

Sheamus vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and Sheamus sends him into the corner to start in a hurry. Some forearms to the back have Lashley in trouble but he powers Sheamus to the mat. A clothesline drops Sheamus again and the delayed vertical suplex does it one more time. Sheamus is back up and sends Lashley to the apron for the forearms to the chest.

Lashley is fine enough to catch him with the overhead belly to belly though and we take a break. Back with Lashley working on the armbar and sending Sheamus into the corner again. The running charge hits the post though and Sheamus gets up top for the clothesline. Some elbows to the shoulder and an armbar keep Lashley in trouble and Sheamus sends him outside.

Back in and the Irish Curse gets two and Sheamus grabs a kind of complicated leglock. Lashley fights up again and hits a Downward Spiral, followed by a superplex for the big crash. The spear is blocked by a jumping knee to the face and Sheamus grabs White Noise for two. Lashley doesn’t seem to mind and pops up with the spear for the pin at 17:41.

Rating: B. I know he isn’t the most popular guy but Sheamus can do a good power match. That was on full display here and Lashley is more than capable of hanging right in there with him. This was a heck of a fight that took a little time to get going. Once they started trading bombs though, it was good good stuff and that’s what you would have expected from these two.

Post match Lashley grabs the Hurt Lock on Sheamus but McIntyre breaks it up with the Claymore. Sheamus and McIntyre stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The opener helped a bit but this week’s TV was a little bit better, giving them some better highlights to pick from. Fastlane continues to feel worthless, but Wrestlemania is starting to seem like it has some potential. They still have time to make it even better, and once Fastlane is over, things can actually get a little more focused. Pretty good show this week though and that’s quite the surprise.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Main Event
Date: March 11, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Kevin Patrick, Byron Saxton

We’re on the way to Fastlane and I doubt this show is going to remember it that much more. It’s such a strange time in WWE and that is the case every single year around this time. I’m not sure what we are going to be seeing this week and in a way that can be a good thing. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Retribution vs. Lucha House Party

Mace and T-Bar for Retribution here with Gran Metalik kicking at T-Bar’s leg to start. Metalik slips out of a powerslam and drops T-Bar to hit a top rope splash. Dorado comes in but gets pulled to the floor by Mace, who plants him down for two. Mace slams him head first into the mat and it’s off to T-Bar for a big boot. A running knee in the corner gets two and Mace grabs the neck crank. Dorado finally gets up and dives over to Metalik for the hot tag. That means the rope walk dropkick to drop T-Bar but he runs Dorado over in a hurry. Mace comes back in for the double sitout chokeslam and the pin at 5:03.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here for the most part and that is all it needed to be. I know it is way beyond the point of no return for Retribution but it’s nice to see the monsters being treated like a monster team. If nothing else, put them in the tag division and let them go after/pick up the Tag Team Titles. Would they be that much worse than a lot of the champions of the last few years?

Rhea Ripley is coming to Raw.

From Smackdown.

Michael Cole brings out Daniel Bryan for an in-ring chat. Cole recaps tonight’s main event and we see the graphic for the original Fastlane plans: Edge/Bryan vs. Reigns/Uso. Bryan knows that he is the one who will go along with everything and do whatever is asked of him, but that isn’t the case anymore. He wants to go to Wrestlemania, even though WWE wants to have Edge vs. Reigns in a battle of the eras.

Bryan throws us to a package on the Elimination Chamber and the ensuing title match against Reigns (plus Edge attacking Reigns later). Back in the arena, Bryan talks about how he has won three Elimination Chambers so you would think he would be cool with this. That’s not the case though because he felt like a failure because he did not make it to Wrestlemania.

From the floor, he looked up at the Wrestlemania sign and knew that he should be going there instead of Edge. He should be going because he loves this so much. Bryan has wrestled more matches in the last three weeks than Edge and Reigns have wrestled in the last year. Tonight he steps into a steel cage for the chance to go on to Wrestlemania because this could be his last chance. Cue Roman Reigns and company and we take a break.

Back with Reigns talking about how Bryan said he loved wrestling so much. Bryan doesn’t love this though because in reality he needs it. Love is about what you will do for others, not what you need to survive. Reigns does this because everyone needs him and that shows he loves it. The cameraman, Jey, Paul, the fans, they all need him. Tonight, after Jey beats Bryan, he’ll know it too.

Jey takes the mic from Bryan and says tonight, Reigns isn’t locked out because Jey is locked in. Jey goes for a cheap shot but gets knocked down so Bryan can stare at Reigns. Bryan was very emotional here and even stumbled over some words. Normally that sounds bad but here it made things feel more real because he was so fired up about everything.

From Smackdown.

Jey Uso vs. Daniel Bryan

In a cage and if Bryan wins he gets to challenge Reigns (here with Paul Heyman) for the Universal Title at Fastlane. They slug it out to start until Jey sends him into the cage early on. It’s way too early to get through the door though as Bryan grabs the leg, only to get pummeled in the head for his efforts. It’s time to go up the cage but Jey crotches him down in a hurry. Bryan catches his climb as well and nails a missile dropkick, setting up a running kick to the arm. Jey’s arm is sent hard into the cage and then does it again for a bonus.

Bryan goes up but Jey knocks him into the Tree of Woe and kicks away at the leg. It’s too early for Jey to get out though as Bryan catches him as well, only to have Jey hit a super Samoan drop for the double knockdown as we take a break. Back with the two of them sitting on top of the cage until they get back in and onto the top rope.

Bryan gets knocked down and Jey hits the Superfly Splash for two but it’s too early to escape. An enziguri sends Bryan down and there’s a superkick for two more. Bryan elbows away but Jey knocks him down again, setting up a catapult into the cage. They both climb up again with Bryan getting in a shot to the arm, setting up a butterfly superplex to the mat. The YES Lock goes on and, since the rope break doesn’t count, Jey has to tap at 12:04.

Rating: B-. They beat each other up for a good while here and the arm stuff was set up at the beginning and paid off in the end. That’s how you do a match like this and it makes perfect sense for Bryan to go that way. It wasn’t exactly a surprise as Bryan winning was all but a guarantee, but they had a good match to get there so it worked out rather well.

Bryan poses on the cage as Reigns glares to end the show.

Long video on Miz vs. Bobby Lashley (all three tries at it) throughout Raw.

From Raw.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, with MVP is defending and John Morrison is here with Miz. We get the Big Match Intros and Miz drops straight to the floor. Miz snaps Lashley’s throat across the top rope but Lashley picks him up for a delayed vertical suplex. A missed charge sends Lashley shoulder first into the post and then Miz does it again for a bonus.

We take a break and come back with Lashley throwing Miz down with a suplex. Miz gets in a big boot though and a low bridge puts Lashley on the floor again. A missed dropkick through the ropes lets Lashley post him hard to knock Miz silly. Back in and the big spinebuster sets up the Hurt Lock to retain the title at 9:05.

Rating: C. This was exactly how it should have been as Miz got in a bit of offense but never felt like a serious threat. Lashley isn’t a hard guy to figure out as he can throw people around with pure strength and that’s what he did here. This worked well and Miz is dispatched from the title scene for good again.

From Raw.

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre

No DQ so Drew jumps Sheamus at the entrance. They brawl to the ring for the opening bell with Drew getting in an elbow to the face but getting knocked out of the air. Drew catches Sheamus on top though and they head outside, with Sheamus going into the steps. He is right back with a hard clothesline but the kendo stick shot only hits post. Sheamus is sent over the barricade and then back inside, with Drew bringing the kendo stick with him. A low blow on the way back in lets Sheamus grab the stick for a few shots.

The Regal Roll connects but Drew snaps off some belly to belly suplexes. A Russian legsweep with the kendo stick gives Drew two and they head outside again. Sheamus posts him and hits a spinebuster onto the announcers’ table and we take a break. Back with Sheamus hitting a spinebuster but not being able to get the Cloverleaf. Instead Sheamus goes up top but gets crotched, allowing McIntyre to get two off a top rope superplex. A chair is brought in but Drew blocks a shot and hits the Future Shock onto said chair for a near fall.

The Claymore is countered as Sheamus throws the chair at McIntyre’s head (geez), setting up a jumping knee for two. The chair is wedged into the corner but McIntyre sends him head first into it instead. Now the Claymore connects but it knocks Sheamus outside. McIntyre muscles him back in but the Brogue Kick knocks him off the apron. They both pick up steps on the floor and ram them together, which knocks both of them down in a heap. Sheamus is out and the referee stops the match at 19:24, presumably for a no contest.

Rating: B. The ending would look to set up a trilogy match at Fastlane so this was a twenty minute preview with both guys beating the heck out of each other. That worked very well and I could go for more of it, as these two work well together. Sometimes you have to go with what works and in this case, that is these two pounding each other for a long time.

Post match medics come down as neither of them can stand.

Mansoor/Ricochet vs. Drew Gulak/Akira Tozawa

Mansoor gets taken into the corner to start and the villains take over in a hurry. Tozawa ducks a running clothesline but gets kicked down in a hurry. A double dropkick to the legs put Gulak and Tozawa on the floor. A lot of posing takes us to a break and we come back with Gulak getting two on Mansoor. Tozawa gets in a slam and puts on a waistlock before Gulak comes back in for two.

Mansoor gets away and dives over for the hot tag to Ricochet to clean house. A spinning suplex into the running shooting star press gets two on Gulak but an elbow to the face knocks Ricochet into Mansoor. Everything breaks down and Ricochet hits a slingshot corkscrew dive onto Gulak. Mansoor’s slingshot neckbreaker finishes Tozawa at 9:35.

Rating: C. I could go for more of either Ricochet or Mansoor and that is a nice thing to see. They work well together and both of them need something better to do. Mansoor has become one of the better things on 205 Live and he has yet to actually lose a match in WWE. Go with more of that and they might have something with him. Ricochet….well he’s cool when you get to see him.

From Raw.

AJ Styles is asked about Wrestlemania but would rather talk about Randy Orton and Alexa Bliss. The Fiend is tearing Orton down bit by bit with voodoo magic. Cue Orton to ask if AJ thinks this is funny. AJ doesn’t, but he does find this weak. A match is set for later.

And also from Raw.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Omos is here with Styles. Orton hammers away to start and the threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the floor. Back in and AJ hammers away so they go outside again, with Orton dropping him onto the announcers’ table. A staredown with Omos lets AJ knock Orton off of the apron and there’s the slingshot forearm to the floor as we take a break.

Back with AJ working on the knee and then striking away in the corner. Orton gets in a few shots of his own though and a spinning clothesline drops AJ. They get back up and Orton catches him on top before also blocking the Phenomenal Forearm. The hanging DDT is countered into the Calf Crusher but Orton escapes and hits the hanging DDT.

Omos pulls AJ away from the RKO….and here’s Alexa Bliss on the screen. She plays her jack in the box but tells it not yet. Instead she lights a match and blows it out, which makes fire come up from three of the four ring posts. Orton coughs up the black goo and turns into the Phenomenal Forearm for the pin at 15:04.

Rating: C. AJ vs. Orton is going to be fine almost no matter what but the Alexa stuff hurt this a good bit. Part of the problem is this match came up out of nowhere, almost like WWE forgot that they had these two sitting around and threw them together to fill in a gap. You should have something better than that for these two, but given what Orton has been doing for the last few months, I’m not surprised.

Post match Bliss pops up again and laughs a lot to end the show. Man alive this story needs to wrap up already. I know it won’t be, but it needs to.

Overall Rating: C. Totally watchable match but it is clear that they are running out of things to do on the way to Fastlane. The show does not matter in the slightest and WWE is not exactly making you think otherwise. It was nice to have something a little different this time around, but that doesn’t exactly make for a good show. Less dull, but not good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

Free For All: Tag Team Titles: Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

Skip drops Zip into a legdrop onto Henry but a Rocket Launcher misses. The cold tag brings in Phineas to clean house and Skip is in trouble. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) but Sunny gets on the apron and pulls up her skirt to flash Phineas, allowing Skip to roll him up for the pin and the titles at 5:24.

The opening video is entirely focused on Bret vs. Shawn and their contrasting personalities with Bret being all about respect and Shawn being very in your face. They respect each other coming in and this is going to be a great test for both, even though looking back there was no question about which way this was going.

Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson/Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart/Vader

Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to start with Yokozuna getting the better of it until Owen and Vader get him down in the corner. Vader pounds him down with rights and lefts but misses a splash, allowing the hot tag to Ahmed. We get some real house cleaning from the powerhouse but Vader gets in a shot from behind. Vince talks about a herd of buffalo until Owen dropkicks Johnson down, allowing Vader to come back in for some more big shots to the head.

Jake finally avoids a legdrop and falls into the tag off to Yokozuna who pounds Vader down in the corner again. Owen takes the DDT but Jake has to intercept an interfering Cornette. That looks to set up a DDT on Cornette but Vader makes the save and Vader Bombs Jake for the pin at 13:11.

Call the Hotline!

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

This is a Hollywood Back Lot Brawl and Piper is waiting, baseball bat in hand. Goldust drives up in a gold Cadillac, which Piper attacks with a fire hose and then the more logical bat. Piper goes after Goldust with the bat and the camera is jumping all over the place. They break up a concessions table and Piper beats him all over the lot, including some HARD right hands that sounded like they were making some very real impact.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

Rating: C. The match was entertaining while they actually focused on it but instead we had to sit through Piper calling in (likely from backstage) to advance this stupid idea that no one not named McMahon finds funny. These two feuded for several months and it was a very underrated pairing with both guys getting better as a result. Of course Austin would move on to a much bigger feud later in the year and never looked back, but this was really fun stuff like it lasted.

More Piper footage which is still from the OJ chase.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Merchandise ad.

In Your House VII ad.

Diesel vs. Undertaker

Ultimate Warrior is on America Online.

We look back at the history of Bret vs. Shawn with a focus on both of their (singles) history in the company. Shawn has been rising through the ranks and is looking to fulfill his boyhood dream. We also get a focus on their training style with Shawn learning under high flier Jose Lothario and Bret being taught submissions by his father Stu Hart. This worked very well and summed up the entire idea in about a minute and a half.

Bret says he just wants to wake up tomorrow morning with the title.

Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Feeling out process to start as Shawn grabs some quick takedowns to frustrate Bret just a bit. Bret holds on to a headlock to slow things down as Vince tries to say there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Lawler is all over him for sounding stupid as this headlock continues. In this case though it makes sense as both guys would want to conserve energy.

With three minutes left, Shawn gets two off a top rope ax handle. The top rope elbow gets the same and Shawn plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes up with two minutes left and a moonsault press gets another near fall. A middle rope hurricanrana gets the same and Shawn is winded. With a minute left, Shawn goes up top but misses a dropkick and gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Bret cranks back on it but the time limit expires at 1:00:00.

Bret is all ticked off and leaves, not to be seen for over seven months. Vince gets in the great line of “the boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.” Shawn is stunned but finally celebrates like you knew he was going to do.

A highlight package takes us out.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

I’m kind of stunned that the Iron Man has stayed consistent.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/21/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xii-grabbing-the-brass-ring/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video talks about the dream of the champion (to stay on top) and the challenger (to rise to the top of the mountain). They make the match feel like a very big deal which is the right idea. Good stuff.

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

We recap Piper vs. Goldust which was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor got in trouble for drugs. The idea is that Goldust is in lust with Piper but the REAL MAN Piper will have none of this gay stuff. The result is a Hollywood Backlot Brawl which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

More car chase stuff. Vince: “This footage looks awfully familiar.”

More car chase stuff.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior

Piper is on his way back to the arena.

Diesel vs. Undetaker

So Diesel cost Undertaker a title match so Undertaker pulled Diesel through the ring during a cage match for the title against Bret. Then Taker did his usual mind games against Diesel, setting up this battle of the titans. Diesel jumps him to start and the brawl is on fast. Taker clotheslines him down but misses an elbow drop. They fight to the floor with Diesel going face first into the steps. This is fast paced stuff so far.

The Dead Man starts slugging back and they both hit big boots to put each other down. Taker sits up first but Diesel hits him in the back to get control again. Off to the bear hug that you knew was coming sooner or later. Taker finally fights out of it and things slow down again. Notice that the fans are into this one, unlike anything in the first hour of the show. Taker hits a clothesline off the top for a somewhat delayed two count.

Rating: B-. For what it was, this was pretty solid stuff. Undertaker looked better than he usually does and it was really in doubt if he could hang with someone that had just come off a year long world title reign. This was probably the turning point for the Dead Man from monster of the week slayer to big time threat to anyone. He would soon be tested by a debuting Mankind, which would change his career forever.

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Shawn says this is about getting to the top of the mountain.

Bret says everything has come to this point and he wants to wake up the next day with the belt.

Gorilla Monsoon is officially in charge again, taking over from Piper.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Back to the headlock which is smart this early in a match like this. Shawn gets up again and fires off some armdrags before hooking an armbar. Freddie Blassie and Stu Hart are in the front row. They run the ropes a few times until Bret takes it back to the mat, only to be caught in a kind of abdominal stretch on the mat. They go into the corner and Shawn fires off some right hands, only to be sent into the other corner. Shawn is cool with that as he sends Bret to the floor with a headscissors. Fifty minutes left.

Michaels starts speeding things up with a standing hurricanrana but Bret hangs onto the ropes to avoid the superkick. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn but Hart bails to the floor to avoid the kick again. Instead Shawn goes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take the champ down. Back in and Shawn skins the cat, only to get caught in a small package for two. A Perfectplex gets two for Shawn and he hooks a sleeper. Hart gets his arm up on the second drop so Shawn rams him into the corner again.

BUT WAIT!

Bret, ever the mature one, storms off like a baby with the ability to walk as Shawn is awarded the title. Shawn has a very touching moment when he realizes he finally won the title and is very somber. Then he turns into Shawn and goes nuts celebrating which he deserves the right to do.

Ratings Comparison

Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

Original: D+

Redo: C

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Diesel

Original: B

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

I guess it gets better over time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/19/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-12-one-really-long-match-and-not-much-else/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania 12
Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
Star Spangled Banner: N/A

This show is a very different direction for the company, and while the match is remembered fondly, this is one of the lowest rated Manias of all time and I think that’s for one reason: there are only 6 matches. You have the iron man match, Diesel vs. Taker, and four other matches that hardly anyone remembers. Razor Ramon is on the box but was less than two months away from debuting on Nitro.

After what apparently was viewed as a big show the year before, tonight was all about Shawn Michaels. Looking back at the buildup, we all should have seen it coming. Shawn was the guy that never quite could put all of the pieces together but for the first time in forever he was healthy, he was trained properly and he was totally ready, but we’ll get to that later on. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course all about Bret vs. Shawn which is appropriate since that’s all this show is about. Something about champion vs. challenger or something.

Oh and because there was no time for it, the finals of a big tag team title tournament was held on the preshow with the Body Donnas beating the Godwins when Sunny flashed Phineas.

After no America the Beautiful or Star Spangled Banner, we get our first contest!

Vader/Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Ahmed Johnson/Jake Roberts/Yokozuna

Ahmed Johnson was nothing short of a tank. Imagine Lashley but about ten times more awesome. Nothing but pure power all around. Shame he was injured and then left the company. He was supposed to be the first black WWF Champion but that fell through. Anyway, this is because of Yoko turning face and going after Cornette who brought in Vader to settle the score. Hart and Smith were also in Cornette’s stable and Johnson and Roberts are there because they had contracts.

Yoko at this point was just embarrassingly fat. Apparently if Yoko’s team wins he gets 5 minutes with Cornette. He means nothing at all by this point and it’s rather clear. Yoko and Vader slug it out to start but soon it shifts to a big brawl. And then it’s back to Yoko vs. Vader with Vader getting knocked to the floor. Ahmed DIVES over the top to take down Vader.

Total insanity to start us off here so at least it’s fast paced. The giants explode again and it’s Yoko with the advantage. Owen comes in and gets beaten on for a bit until Bulldog saves him. Back to the fat boys here as for some reason they decided Yoko should be in there for three or four minutes to start us off. Vader punches him down in the corner and talks to him for awhile for no apparent reason.

Yoko gets a freaking Rock Bottom of all things and tags in Ahmed. He cleans house, destroying all three evildoers. Sunset flip on Vader results in Vader jumping up and going straight down. Bulldog gets in a few shots and Vince says Camp Cornette is like a herd of buffalo. Sure why not.

Owen gets a missile dropkick out of nowhere to take over. Enziguri to the back (which thankfully they say was to the back) puts Ahmed down. Back to Vader as this is a basic formula now. Is there a reason as to why Jake isn’t getting the beating so that Ahmed can get the hot tag later? Ahmed gets a shot to take Owen down and finally brings in Jake.

Mr. Fuji comes down to ringside as I’d assume he got lost or something. Jake calls for the DDT but Owen grabs the rope. Roberts gets caught in the corner and the beatdown is on. Vader mauls him for a bit as this is starting to get a big long. Top rope elbow by Owen gets two. Just to show what a different time it was, Jake kicks out of the powerslam from the Bulldog like it’s any other move. That’s just wrong.

Yoko finally gets the lukewarm tag and hammers Vader down in the corner. He looked like he was sticking a fork in the top of his head which explains the speed of those shots. Jake comes back in because he’s clearly fine after that long beatdown and Ahmed can’t come in yet due to affirmative action or something. DDT to Owen but Cornette saves. Vader takes Jake down and the Vader Bomb ends him.

Rating: D+. The wrestling really isn’t that bad, but it went on forever. Take 5-7 minutes out of this and it goes way up in value. The psychology made very little sense here which is a weird thing to see in a Roberts match. This went nowhere for the most part and feels really weird for a Mania opener. Nothing to see here.

We recap Piper vs. Goldust in one of the most homophobic feuds ever. Piper is president of the company and Goldust is turned on by Piper’s power. This set up the Hollywood Back Lot Brawl, which is just a fight in the back alley. Michael Freaking Cole does the voiceover for this. He was there in 1996? Hokey smoke indeed.

Goldust vs. Roddy Piper

Piper was seen earlier with a bat and a water hose. This was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor is in rehab (I’m stunned to) so we get this instead. Goldust pulls up in a gold Cadillac and Piper stops it by spraying it with a gardening hose then beating it with a bat. The smash cuts here are really, really annoying. This is hardcore before there was hardcore and they get fairly brutal out there.

Obviously this isn’t live or anything like that as they filmed this earlier in the day. I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea but it’s certainly not one at all. Piper chokes him with a bat and sprays him down with a high pressure hose. Goldust gets a shot to Roddy’s pipe and drums and takes over.

Goldust just gets the heck beaten out of him for the most part as some of Piper’s punches are either legit or the best fakes I’ve ever seen. The son of the Dream gets in the car and Piper (or an extremely average impersonator) jumps onto the hood to keep from getting crushed. Goldust leaves and Piper chases him in a white Bronco. This doesn’t finish here so we’ll come back to the rest of this as it happens. This was REALLY bad as it was all taped and clearly edited and the crowd is of course silent after five minutes of just sitting around watching a TV monitor.

Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega

These two had a long feud for no apparent reason. Austin was the Ringmaster at the time and the Million Dollar Champion. They feuded for several months and it was just a waste of time. This gets PPV time but the tag team title match doesn’t. Of course it does. Savio is with Doc Hendrix and we get a quick look at them being paired together in the tag tournament and Austin screwing him over. Savio says he’s ready for anything.

It’s a brawl almost immediately and they roll around on the mat. We hit the floor and it’s Vega in control. DiBiase gets involved to give Austin control but that gets him nowhere at all. This is a boring match in case you didn’t get that. Showing the boredom of Vince we go to Roddy Piper on cell phone as he chases after Goldust on the freeway.

Savio hurts his arm on a clothesline as we hear about how great of a technician Austin is. Back to the phone stuff as Austin works on the arm. Middle rope elbow drills Savio for two as Piper yaps away. The sad thing is that this is a pretty good back and forth match but the crowd is dead because of being killed by the parking lot thing.

We continue the idiocy with aerial footage of Piper chasing Goldust. And of course, it’s of the OJ Simpson chase. Savio takes Austin’s head off with a spin kick but Austin takes over again. An elbow off the top (Austin was a completely different wrestler before he became the Rattlesnake and somehow better in the ring) misses and here comes Savio.

Naturally in an Austin match at Wrestlemania the referee goes down, in this case due to another spin kick from Savio. DiBiase slips in the Million Dollar Belt to Austin who clocks Savio with it twice to knock out him cold. Then in something I’ve never seen before, Austin wins with a reverse chinlock. Yes as in the mother of all rest holds. Savio is out so the match is over. Wow indeed. Only at Wrestlemania baby!

Rating: B-. This was a good match actually despite the idiocy of the whole Piper thing. Austin was great back in the day and when he wasn’t hanging out with various other morons so was Savio. This was a good match although they would go on to do some better stuff. Or maybe that had already happened. Yeah it had so this was the finale.

More Piper stuff as Vince says this is familiar.

We recap the whole mind games thing between Taker and Diesel. I think I have Diesel in their match tonight.

Another shot of the cars. Is there a point to this at all? Is it supposed to be tongue in cheek or something?

HHH vs. Ultimate Warrior

This is Warrior’s big return. HHH debuts some new chick named Sable. He’s rather new also here and the difference in size between then and recently is amazing. Warrior is allegedly 400lbs and bald according to Lawler, which shocks Vince. You know a lot of his lines are far funnier knowing what we know now. Naturally he looks like his old self. The fans react….I think. Vince wants you to believe the roof just got blown off but it’s simply not there.

HHH jumps him to start and I can’t believe how quiet the fans are here. I mean it’s eerie. Pedigree hits maybe 40 seconds in and Warrior beats him to his feet. Warrior hammers away and the slam and splash end this in maybe a minute and a half. He would be gone by late summer.
Wildman Marc Mero, the former Johnny B. Badd debuts here which caused a ton of jokes at his expense in WCW. In exchange he wound up getting the Intercontinental Title and the biggest pushes of his career. HHH comes up to glare at him and Sable stands by. They brawl for a bit and that’s about it.

Piper is on his way back here.

Undertaker vs. Diesel

No backstory given but that’s why I have a job here. Both guys had cost each other the title at back to back PPVs including the famous shot of Diesel being pulled under the ring by Taker during a match against Bret in a cage. Taker played a ton of mind games and this is the result. This isn’t quite a co-main event but it’s the other big match on the card for sure. Diesel is freshly heel here.

From everything I can find this is their first and only one on one match too. That makes sense as Diesel was gone in less than two months and was in WCW for the next five years. Once he got to WWE again he was in the NWO and never feuded with Taker. Once he was out he was on Raw and then Nash left for TNA. I will never get tired of Undertaker’s entrance. It’s simply awesome on so many levels.

They go at it from the opening bell and the crowd noticeably dies as soon as it rings. That’s rather odd. Taker goes onto offense and the fans cheer a bit so they’re definitely into this. They head to the floor and Taker hammers away with those uppercuts. I remember a friend of mine back in the day said Taker definitely couldn’t have had a boxing background. Methinks the punches he throws suggest otherwise.

Taker wants the Tombstone about two minutes in but it’s countered. Nash is moving out there which is very weird to see indeed. Taker with a cross body (???) for two. Old School can’t take Diesel down. The jumping clothesline misses as Diesel uses his training as Super Shredder in TMNT 2 to duck out of the way. Taker gets another uppercut to put Diesel on the floor. A chair shot misses and here comes Big Daddy Cool.

Diesel won’t let Taker get back in. It’s weird to see Nash with so much energy like this. Big boot puts Taker down. Side Slam gets two. Not quite as pretty as his usual ones but still a decent one. Diesel beats on him with his slow and methodical stuff but it’s not boring. Some guys just have a slower pace than others and Nash is one of them. Taker fights back a bit and both guys hit big boots. That was kind of cool.

Taker sits up to a big reaction. Diesel beats Taker to his feet and slaps on a bear hug. He isn’t CM Punk though so he’s not going to get a submission. Taker breaks the hold and it’s off to a headlock? A suplex gets Taker out of it and both guys are down for a bit again. Top rope clothesline and a good one gets two for Taker. He sends Diesel in and like an IDIOT, puts his head down and there’s the Jackknife.

And also like an IDIOT, Diesel doesn’t cover him. He just stands over Taker who isn’t moving an inch. Taker sits up so Diesel gives him another powerbomb. Diesel FINALLY goes for a cover but Taker grabs him by the throat. He must have waited for 40 seconds after that Jackknife so he deserves it. Diesel fights out of the grip twice but can’t do it a third time. He gets a suplex to get out of the choke but Taker sits up. Flying clothesline sets up the Chokeslam which sets up the Tombstone to make Taker 5-0.

Rating: B. This was good stuff and definitely Taker’s best Mania match to date and his best until Mania X7 against HHH. Also this made the Streak seem like it meant something as Diesel had been world champion for almost a year. Power vs. power rarely works and battles of the giants are usually bad but this was one of the best ones I’ve ever seen. Good stuff indeed.

Post match we get the at the time famous shot of Diesel laying on the mat completely unconscious.

Piper and Goldust are back so it’s time for the ending of the Brawl. Both cars get back and Piper parks right next to Goldust so the driver’s door can’t open. Good thing he was already out and into the arena. Roddy drops about 5 F Bombs as he’s looking for Goldie. They head into the arena and the fight is on. Actually Goldust backing away while Piper stalks him with a belt is on but you get the concept

They go into the ring and Piper hammers away. Officially this is still a match I guess. Screw the whole formatting thing as I guess you could call this the longest match in PPV history. Goldust takes over in the ring as he’s an active wrestler and therefore likely in better shape. Piper’s shirt comes off and Goldie chokes away.

Roddy gets back up and the crowd pops a bit for it. Goldust tries to kiss him and Piper fights back. Goldie goes up but Piper crotches him. And then Goldust kisses Piper. Oh you know it’s on now. Piper grabs him by the balls (does that mean he liked the kiss?) and slaps Goldust around a bit. Off come the clothes and Goldust has S&M stuff on. Piper kisses Goldust. Ok so in other words, he’s kissed him, groped his balls and spanked him. Sweet goodness indeed. Goldust leaves and I guess Piper is the winner. Sadly this gets the biggest pop of the night so far.

We recap the Bret vs. Shawn…feud I guess you’d call it. They’re both faces here but the idea is that Shawn has finally gotten to this point after working his entire life to get here. On the other hand you have Bret who is the best in the world and has been for a good while. It’s pretty clear that Shawn is going to win but the idea is to give a classic on the way.

Now this match has gotten a very argued opinion from the staff as some of us say it’s great and some of us say it’s very overrated. I like the match but let’s see how well it holds up. Both guys say nothing of note at all.

Gorilla Monsoon finally gets the roll he was born for: President of the WWF. That fits perfectly even though he rarely did anything.lding up the Iron Man Match and Shawn’s rise to the main event as a face. Nothing special here.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

We open with a rather good start as Shawn makes one of the most famous entrances of all time, riding down from the rafters on a zipline. That’s definitely one of his most famous moments and is still cool to this day. Bret’s entrance of walking through the curtain is a bit of a letdown by comparison. I like the basic fireworks Bret would get. Simple yet effective.

Hebner gives the instructions to both guys and you have to wonder if he can hear Bret tap already. They’re really playing this up as epic. It’s most decisions in an hour as you know but you can win a decision by count-out or DQ. So could the title change on a DQ only? I’d love to see them do that in a world title match. They used that as a loophole for 2/3 fall matches before.

There’s the bell and we’re off. Jerry says if Bret wins the first decision he’ll win while Vince says that’ll go either way. They hit the mat for a bit and we reach the issue here: you can more or less take a 57 minute nap and you’ll not miss the ending of the match. That’s why you don’t see these on TV. Bret gets a headlock as we get to our first rest hold/time killer of the match. I don’t think calling it a rest hold is fair as both guys have great cardio.

Jerry gets on Vince for being an idiot when he says there are no Bret or Shawn fans but only WWF fans. Preach it King. There’s a nice idea here of Bret wanting to wear Shawn down so he can beat him while Shawn is looking for a fast win and then go from there. Nice little contrast of styles there. Back down to the headlock as they sped things up for a bit.

They’re going slowly here for the most part but to be fair they’re conserving energy so it’s understandable. We get into an interesting debate here: which of these two is stronger? Jerry explains how much a hold like a headlock can take out of you. In other words, he’s using his experience in the ring to give an explanation of what we’re seeing. Almost like he’s analyzing it. What a novel idea!

Shawn works on the arm which is as good as anything else I guess. Stu Hart, Bret’s dad, is at ringside sitting next to Freddie Blassie. Jerry asks if Helen (Bret’s Mom) is here. He thinks it’s unlikely since she went shopping today and went to an antique store and they kept her. That got a chuckle if nothing else. Bret starts hammering away in the corner so Shawn speeds things up to send Bret to the floor.

The idea here is that Shawn is wrestling a very conservative and slower paced match to throw Bret off his game. That’s psychology again there people. Shawn works the arm but Bret throws him over. He skins the cat though and drives Bret down with an armbar again. We’re a little under 12 minutes in at this point.

Shawn goes back to the arm as we waste even more time than we usually do if you can believe that. Jerry suggests that maybe Bret should submit to get out of this armbar but says that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Bret gets up and gets a modified almost spinebuster to put Shawn down and wants the Sharpshooter but Shawn counters.

A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor but Bret doesn’t want a countout. Bret is sent into the post and at 15 minutes into the match Shawn kicks the timekeeper’s head off! That looked great and he is DEAD. Back into the ring and Bret gets the chinlock again. The timekeeper is taken out on a stretcher. Bret yells at Hebner to check Shawn because it’s not a staring contest.

This is getting really boring really fast as these rest holds are going on for like two or three minutes at a time. This particular one is about two and a half. Shawn comes back with a clothesline but his neck hurts and he can’t follow up. Bret gets one of his own and down goes Shawn. Vince goes into a speech about how awesome the WWF and Wrestlemania is while we’re in ANOTHER chinlock. It’s always cool to hear Vince talk about how great wrestling is as his love really comes out in his voice.

O’Connor Roll is blocked and Shawn gets a dropkick to go back to the armbar. Twenty minutes in now and of course we’re still in a hold. Shawn rams some knees into the arm and shoulder. He gets a wristlock on using his arms for leverage which results in Bret’s face being shoved into Shawn’s boot which looks cool. Vince talks about Jerry’s Kiss My Foot match with Bret which was always kind of funny.

Bret tries to reverse but gets rammed into the post. Shawn drops an F Bomb at a camera in his face. A shoulderbreaker has Bret reeling and is followed up by a double axe to the shoulder. Hammerlock slam as Shawn channels his inner Anderson. The shoulder goes into the buckle a few times as this is still very slow paced.

Twenty five minutes in and it’s still arm work. Bret hammers away but Shawn gets a DDT on the arm and hooks a cross armbreaker to kill the crowd again. Before the hold was on Vince suggested that Bret should submit. Why? It’s not like there’s a rest period or at least there isn’t one announced. Bret punches out of it and gets a second rope Stun Gun to break the hold.

Slingshot and Shawn “hits” the post. That gets two for Bret whose arm is kind of hanging there. So much for that as Shawn rams him into the buckle to take over again. Bret fights back again and there’s a bulldog. He goes up though and takes way too much time. I think they botch something as Bret grabs Shawn’s hair and rides him down kind of like a bulldog but with the knee in his back. The referee goes down in the collision which I don’t think was intentional. Thirty minutes even left and the referee is up in maybe 20 seconds so yeah that was unintentional.

Shawn gets a powerslam for two. Bret’s arm is magically better somehow. What a shock: Shawn does a ton of work and Bret makes it look like nothing. Bret gets a Piledriver for two. He goes up again and Shawn catches him one more time. Shawn starts drilling Bret, possibly out of anger for the total lack of selling.

Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Bret hits the floor for a bit. Shawn is like screw that and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take him down. That’s the first big spot of the match and the crowd definitely reacted to it. Shawn goes up and hits a cross body but Bret rolls through for two. The fans are staying into it. Small package gets two for Shawn as they’re definitely picking things up here.

Perfectplex gets two for Shawn. Twenty five minutes left. Shawn gets a sleeper on which is a smart move. That gets broken up and Bret goes into the corner. Now we get the momentum changer of the night as Shawn gets backdropped over the corner and wipes out a cameraman with the only visual we see being Shawn flipping over his head.

Shawn gets rammed into the post on the floor and is reeling badly. Bret drops an elbow into the back. Backbreaker hits as we have 20 minutes left. This is getting close. Bret gets a Banzai Drop down onto Shawn’s back in an oddly cool move. In another cool spot Shawn does his flip in the corner and sits on the top so Bret runs up and does a belly to back off the top for two. Crowd is getting into these kickouts now.

Chinlock by Bret as we need to kill off more time. Shawn gets a sunset flip out of nowhere for two. They kind of just fill time in for a few minutes with nothing special going on. Russian leg sweep gets two. Shawn gets whipped over the corner and over the top, kicking Jose in the head as he goes down. That can’t be good. Is there a pile of dust anywhere? Bret whips Shawn into the railing and Jose goes down again! This is getting awesome!

Fifteen minutes left now. Belly to belly gets two. All Bret here. We finally get an answer about what the Sharpshooter hurts: the back. Shawn gets all ticked off and throws big bombs but Bret gets a shot to the back to take him down. Bret sets for a suicide dive on the floor and it looks rather stupid as Shawn has to stand up in a hurry to get hit by it.

Bret is willing to take a countout. He changes his mind though as he’s not quite ready to turn to the dark side. German suplex gets two as the crowd is getting into this. Shawn tries to fight from his knees so Bret KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Freaking ow man! Back to the chinlock now with ten minutes left.

Nine minutes left and we’re still in the chinlock. Shawn fights it off with 8 minutes left. Shawn hammers him about the head and shoulders with seven minutes left. They’re moving VERY slowly. BIG superplex gets no cover as Bret wants the Sharpshooter instead of the relatively easy pin. Shawn is crawling away as Bret holds the foot with 6 minutes left.

Half crab is on for a bit. Backbreaker hits as we have five minutes left. Bret does the I HATE THIS SO MUCH spot as he jumps into a boot. Shawn hits a dropkick to send Bret into the corner. Bret’s chest eats buckle as Shawn can barely move. Four minutes left with both guys down. Forearm and nipup (camera missed it) and Shawn is all fired up.

Jumping back elbow to Bret. Jerry: Shawn Michaels has just gotten his 19th wind! Spinning double axe off the middle rope with three minutes left. Suplex sets up the big elbow for two. Gutwrench sitout powerbomb gets no cover with two minutes left. Moonsault press gets two. 90 seconds left. Kind of a botched rana off the top gets two.

Shawn slams him but collapses with a minute left. He goes to the top but Bret gets up. A dropkick misses though and Bret locks on the Sharpshooter with 33 seconds left! What a shock that it’s tied up and Bret finally gets his hold on with 33 seconds left! Shawn doesn’t give up as the time runs out and Bret collapses. Shawn is DEAD.

Gorilla gets into the ring as Bret is handed the title. Bret walks out and then the Fink says that it’s not over yet by orders of Gorilla. It’s sudden death! Bret is MAD and asks a very good question: why? Why should Shawn get another chance? The ruling was that there would be a 60 minute time limit and Bret survived that. This actually wasn’t fair to Bret at all.

There’s the bell and Bret goes off on Shawn. Jerry and Vince agree Bret is going to have to pin Shawn. Bret whips him into the corner and in one of my all time biggest mark out moments, Shawn grabs the ropes and vaults up, landing behind Bret and kicking Bret’s head off with Sweet Chin Music. The crowd pops and when I was watching live I JUMPED off my couch. Bret staggers up and Shawn kills him dead with another superkick to win his first and by far most famous world title.

Rating: B. Ok now this is going to draw some issues, but this match is not the masterpiece it’s built up to be for multiple reasons. First and foremost, WAY too many rest holds. There are two ways you could make this better. First, make it 30 minutes. Second: drop the Iron Man aspect. Imagine if those near falls were at one fall to a finish. This would have been otherworldly.

Bret’s lack of selling also kills this match badly. His arm was perfectly fine about 40 seconds after Shawn stopped working on it, making that whole 25 minutes TOTALLY POINTLESS. It’s certainly a good match, but this needs to lose about 20-30 or even more than that minutes to work as well as it could.

Finally, this isn’t even the best iron man match the company has ever had, at least not in the same universe as Rock vs. HHH. The reason that was better is simply that you had a reason to keep watching. Here it’s way too dull with the rest holds and the sitting around for so long. Good match, but definitely not a classic or even great for that matter.

At first he’s very reserved and stunned, but then Shawn celebrates like crazy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Looking back, there’s really very little to this show. You have an overly long six man, a non match, a squash, a midcard match that went nowhere, a solid match, and a main event that was 40 minutes too long. That adds up to very little in my eyes. Check out the last 20 minutes of the Iron Man, the Taker/Diesel match and if you’re bored the first half of Piper/Goldust. There’s just nothing special here.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 16, 2006
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,169
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to Cyber Sunday and that means things are going to start getting some of the stipulations set up. The main event is already set up as John Cena, Big Show and Booker T. will have the big Champion of Champions match. We need something else to be added to the card though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s DX to cut off Lilian Garcia’s intro….or at least their music does, as we have Randy Orton and Edge dressed as DX instead. Orton (as HHH) has the big nose and Edge (as Shawn Michaels) is already favoring his back. Edge talks about how this is all they need to do to get people’s interest and sell some merchandise. Orton says the fans suck but here is the real DX to interrupt. Shawn to HHH: “Do I look like that much of an idiot?”

HHH doesn’t get why Edge and Orton are doing this because they are already huge stars. Edge had a highest rated segment on Raw, even if Edge couldn’t really rise to the occasion. And yes they have photos to prove things. Then there is Randy Orton, who is the #1 downloaded superstar on the internet….at least in the gay community. I will now pause for all of the AJ Styles jokes and come back with HHH showing various photos of Orton wearing only a towel.

One of them happens to be Shawn from Playgirl, sending Shawn into a panic. Shawn: “I WAS YOUNG! I WAS STUPID! YOU TOLD ME GIRLS BOUGHT THAT MAGAZINE!” Orton says he wants HHH tonight, but HHH says he go that way. Edge tries to make it more clear and phrases things badly as well. The match is on and the early fight goes to DX as Orton and Edge are cleared out in a hurry. Shawn freaking out is always good for a chuckle.

Spirit Squad vs. Cryme Tyme

Non-title and Cryme Tyme is making their debut. JTG and Johnny start things off with JTG snapping off a hiptoss before handing it off to Shad. The big boot has Johnny in trouble but Mikey comes in for a bulldog on JTG. The chinlock goes on but a suplex is broken up, allowing the hot tag to Shad. Everything breaks down and Shad’s kick to the face gets two on Johnny with Mikey making the save. The Samoan drop/running flip neckbreaker finishes Mikey.

Rating: C. I know the gimmick is not something that would pass today (and probably shouldn’t have back then) but Cryme Tyme has grown a lot on me over the years. They work well together and Shad is a solid big man. Throw in a good finisher and what else could you need from a midcard team? The Spirit Squad is desperate for some new challengers so this is a good time for a debut.

During the break, Kenny yelled at the rest of the team and walked out.

Melina and Johnny Nitro promise a celebrity appearance.

The Marine has premiered. It wasn’t exactly a blockbuster, but it did premiere.

Jonathan Coachman welcomes King Booker and Queen Sharmell as his guests and gives them the run of his office. Cryme Tyme comes in and takes Coach’s food and leaves. Booker didn’t understand a word they said because he doesn’t speak Ebonics. They seem to have stolen Booker’s wallet as well.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and we start fast with Masters knocking Hardy into the corner. Crazy and Benjamin fight on the floor as Masters’ suplex gets two on Hardy. Some shoulders in the corner are broken up and Hardy hammers away until Crazy sends him outside. Shelton comes back in for a Tower of Doom and some near falls to send us to a break.

Back with Masters suplexing Hardy again before slugging it out with Benjamin. Crazy comes back in with a missile dropkick but gets caught in the Masterlock. Benjamin springboards in with a Blockbuster to Masters for the save but Hardy is back in to clean house. A basement dropkick puts Benjamin on the floor and there’s a backdrop to do the same to Crazy. The Twist of Fate into a Swanton finishes Masters to retain Hardy’s title.

Rating: C+. This was all about keeping things moving instead of wasting time on a bunch of stuff that wasn’t needed. That’s the right idea for a four way and Hardy getting the win was the only way to go. None of these three are exactly interesting challengers for Hardy but he needed some momentum after last week’s loss and beating three lame challengers at once will work well enough.

Booker is telling the cops about Cryme Tyme robbing him (they all look alike to him) when Big Show comes in. Bickering ensues but Vince McMahon comes in with an announcement. He’ll wait until the third champion is here though.

Here are Melina and Johnny Nitro to introduce their celebrity friend. It’s….Kevin Federline, best known for being married to Brittney Spears and…..well for looking like an idiot. Federline thanks the two of them but says it isn’t great to be here because the people aren’t treating the three of them with respect. Don’t worry though, because he knows these are the same people buying magazines with his face on them. Melina asks for one of his new raps, but the people can wait until his album comes out.

Cue John Cena, who isn’t happy with the lack of rapping. He’ll handle it instead and calls Federline the world’s biggest scumbag. Federline has less talent than Paris Hilton and apparently likes seamen. Cena says he would be spearing Brittney if Federline wasn’t around and that’s enough to get Federline charging. Cena beats up Nitro but here are Big Show and King Booker to interrupt.

Before anything else can be said or done, here’s Vince McMahon to cut everyone off. Vince hypes up the Cyber Sunday main event and announces that one of them will be defending their title. The fans will get to vote on who defends, and voting is open right now. I could have sworn he announced that last week, but it’s the logical way to go anyway.

Everyone but Cena leaves so he calls Federline back into the ring. Cena knows Federline considers himself a trendsetter so he can tell people who to vote for. Federline wants Cena’s title defended so he can lose, meaning it’s an FU to a nice pop. The Federline stuff is as dated as anything can be, but seeing an annoying quote unquote celebrity get beaten up is fine.

Carlito vs. Rob Conway

Conway hammers away to start but Carlito is back with the left hands and springboard elbow. A missed charge lets Conway get two but the Backstabber gives Carlito the fast pin.

Post match, Carlito gets to spit the apple.

Edge and Lita meet Vince McMahon in the back, with Vince making Edge/Randy Orton vs. DX for Cyber Sunday. As for a stipulation, how about a guest referee? Like say Jonathan Coachman, Eric Bischoff or Vince himself! Vince agrees and we’re on.

This Week In Wrestling History: When Snuka Flies, Muraco Dies.

Two of the guys from Jackass are brought into the ring for a chat but here is Armando Alejandro Estrada, who isn’t impressed. They’re willing to do anything, so here is Umaga so destruction can ensue. Oh man I had forgotten about this thing.

The Marine is still a thing.

Women’s Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Candice Michelle vs. Maria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria

Bra and panties match and all four have already lost their first round matches. Lilian has to read an introduction that is so long that she needs several cards and even Lawler is mocking her for taking so much time. Maria loses her top, Torrie loses her top, Victoria loses her pants and Maria gets rid of Torrie’s pants to win.

We actually get some brackets:

Melina

Mickie James

Lita

Maria

Smackdown Rebound.

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Shawn Michaels and Edge are here too. HHH does the pre-match intro and includes one more Orton gay joke. Orton jumps HHH from behind to start and pounds away but gets sent outside. We take a break with Orton holding his knee and come back with HHH hitting a knee drop for two. Cue Lita for a distraction so Orton can send HHH over the corner, allowing Edge to get in a DDT on the floor.

A swinging neckbreaker gives Orton two and we hit the neck crank. Orton’s powerslam gets a few near falls but HHH comes back with a bunch of right hands. There’s the jumping knee and the facebuster but an Edge distraction lets Orton get in the backbreaker for two. Lita offers another distraction though and Edge hits HHH low. That’s not enough though as Lita throws in a chair but Shawn hits Orton low for the save. HHH chairs Orton down for the pin.

Rating: C. And that’s how the DX vs. Orton/Edge feud starts: with DX overcoming the odds and winning the first match in the main event of Raw. That isn’t the best sign for the future of the feud and makes Orton/Edge, who are already looking up at DX, look like they’re in trouble to start. One of the biggest problems with DX has been giving them a real challenge and this didn’t make me think they are in any danger. That’s not a good way to start a feud and it isn’t the best look here.

Overall Rating: C+. This show went by quickly and that was a good thing. They introduced some new things such as Cryme Tyme (who instantly felt like the biggest team in the division) and Edge/Orton as the top villains, but the wrestling was often skippable. In other words, this week’s show was about setting the table for the future so while it worked out well enough, it isn’t a show you need to see because it’s an early chapter in a lot of longer stories.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 15, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Samoa Joe, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show for Fastlane, which is such an important show that it doesn’t actually have any raw matches announced yet. Odds are that is fixed tonight, but it doesn’t hide the fact that even WWE doesn’t care about the thing. This should be an eventful one so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

They don’t waste time by announcing Drew McIntyre vs. Bobby Lashley for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania.

Here are Bobby Lashley and MVP for a chat to get things going. MVP says we are now in the Almighty Era and Lashley promises to destroy McIntyre at Wrestlemania. Lashley: “Right now are in the….Almighty Era.” And that’s why MVP handles most of the talking. Cue Miz and John Morrison with Miz praising Lashley’s speech and saying they are all in on the Almighty Era. They think Miz should be in the title match at Wrestlemania because Miz defended the title twice in one night and had cramps both times!

Cue Drew McIntyre to say he knows what it is like to be on a sixteen year journey. McIntyre was knocked down off the ladder and claw back up and then they have both reached the finish line. MVP tries to interrupt but gets shut down and is asked why he is here. Miz interrupts and gets glared down, with McIntyre saying he owes Miz one.

They are facing each other tonight and Miz needs to run because McIntyre is going to Fastlane to beat up Sheamus and then take the title back from Lashley at Raymond James Stadium. The fight is nearly on but a Miz distraction lets Lashley jump him from behind. MVP and Lashley leave so Miz hammers away. Cue Sheamus to jump Lashley until referees break it up. MVP holds Lashley back.

Post break Sheamus says he is going to beat McIntyre on Sunday but then he wanted to show Lashley what is waiting on him after Wrestlemania.

Miz vs. Drew McIntyre

Miz hammers away in the corner but McIntyre is right back with the chops to take over. The toss suplex sends Miz flying and the Glasgow Kiss makes it even worse. John Morrison throws his sunglasses at McIntyre, which just gets on his nerves. There’s the reverse Alabama Slam out of the corner so Morrison tries another distraction earning himself an ejection.

We take a break and come back with McIntyre sending Miz flying with an overhead belly to belly suplex. McIntyre takes him to the floor for a ram into the apron and several into the steps. Back in and the Futureshock drops Miz on his head, followed by the Claymore for no cover. Instead McIntyre picks him up, points to the Wrestlemania sign, and finishes with the Hurt Lock at 11:20.

Rating: C-. There is nothing wrong with a statement win like this, as the point was to show how ready McIntyre is for Wrestlemania. Miz is someone who is going to be fine with loss after loss so it’s not like this is going to take away any of his momentum. The match was mostly a squash anyway and that’s all it needed to be.

Bad Bunny won a Grammy.

We look at Shane McMahon calling Braun Strowman stupid.

Here is Strowman in the ring but Shane cuts him off in a hurry. Strowman knows that Shane isn’t going to apologize because that’s not what McMahons do. Instead, Strowman issues the challenge for tonight but Shane says no because Strowman can’t handle him. Shane talks about how this proves Strowman is stupid, like the t-rex, which went extinct as well. Then he accepts the match.

R-Truth, dressed like Steve Austin, interrupts Dana Brooke, Mandy Rose, Lana and Naomi, who tell him that 3:16 Day is tomorrow. They can’t drink though because they have a match next.

Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke vs. Lana/Naomi

Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler are on commentary. Naomi knocks Dana down to start and it’s quickly off to Mandy to hammer away in the corner. Dana comes in with a handspring elbow in the corner and Mandy adds a running knee to the face. That’s broken up and it’s off to Lana to clean house. Everything breaks down and here’s the returning Asuka (facing Baszler later) for the big distraction. Shayna goes after her and gets kicked in the head, leaving Lana to hit an X Factor on Mandy.  Brooke comes back in with a swinging neckbreaker to pin Lana at 4:28.

Rating: D+. This just does not work for these teams no matter how many times they try it. Lana continues to not feel like she has the best instincts in the ring, though she has been getting a bit better. These four are all trying, but Naomi should be near the top of the card, not toiling in the lower levels of the tag division.

New Day is ready to get the Tag Team Titles back when Riddle comes in. He wants them to win like he is going to do against Mustafa Ali tonight and then they can get matching scooters. Or have matching pancakes!

Tag Team Titles: Hurt Business vs. New Day

New Day is challenging. Woods takes Alexander down by the arm to start and it’s quickly off to Kofi, who pulls Alexander to him with an invisible rope (ala Ryo Mizunami in AEW). A jumping knee puts Woods on the floor though and Shelton sends him hard into the steps. Back in and Kofi hits the middle rope standing double stomp, which is enough to bring Woods back in to clean house.

Everything breaks down and they head outside with Woods being whipped HARD into the steps as we take a break. Back with Woods hitting a clothesline but getting kneed in the ribs. The Michinoku Driver gives Alexander two but Woods gets in a shot, allowing the hot tag to Kofi. The SOS gives Kofi two as everything breaks down. Woods hits a DDT on Alexander on the floor and Trouble in Paradise hits Shelton. Woods hits the top rope elbow into Daybreak for the pin and the titles at 13:04.

Rating: C+. Well that came out of nowhere. New Day has held the titles so many times now that it doesn’t mean anything anymore but that has never stopped WWE. The worst part here is that commentary acted like it was a bigger deal that the team has momentum heading into Wrestlemania rather than being champions. That’s not how things should be working and it explains a lot of WWE’s problems these days.

Post match here are AJ Styles and Omos to interrupt. AJ mocks New Day for having another win but says he is running out of things to accomplish. He has never been a Tag Team Champion though, so he and Omos should be the next champions. The challenge is on for Wrestlemania, but Kofi wants to know if they are even registered as a team. Woods accepts the challenge and everything is set.

Damien Priest and Bad Bunny mock Miz and John Morrison for losing everything but Miz asks what Priest has won. Priest gets in his face, sending Miz and Morrison running off. R-Truth comes in trying to hit Bad Bunny in the head with a Steve Austin lunchbox. Priest calls him out and Truth gives Bunny a bunch of Austin merchandise instead. Bunny is so touched that he gives Truth the 24/7 Title back, meaning Truth can remember Bunny’s name. The menagerie of numskulls gives chase and we’re back at it.

Jaxson Ryker vs. Damien Priest

Broken Arrow and Lights Out finish Ryker in 37 seconds.

Post match Elias tries to bring in the guitar but Bunny takes it away. Elias picks him up for a slam but Bunny slips out and hits Elias in the face, setting up Hit The Lights from Priest. Cue John Morrison for a distraction though and Miz runs in with a guitar shot to Bad Bunny. There’s the Wrestlemania angle.

Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman

Hold on as Shane needs to warm up. After some pushups, Shane goes over to the hopscotch game he has set up, because Strowman talked about how this was like being back in school. Strowman isn’t having that and grabs Shane, who he sends into the barricade. The Strowman Express is loaded up but Shane is waiting on him with a camera to the face instead. Another camera shots sets up the elbow through the announcers’ table. Shane isn’t done as he pulls out….a bucket of green slime to cover Strowman. With that done, Shane pulls out…..another bucket of green slime to cover Strowman again! No match.

Rhea Ripley is still coming.

We look at Alexa Bliss tormenting Randy Orton.

Bliss, on her swing set, says that if Orton wants to get rid of her, he can do it at Fastlane. But is he going to do it?

We look at Molly Holly being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Asuka vs. Shayna Baszler

Non-title. During the entrances, Baszler says she is glad she hurt Asuka a few weeks ago. Asuka attacks them both before the bell and sends Jax outside with a Codebreaker. The bell rings and Asuka kicks away but gets kneed in the face. They brawl on the mat until Asuka gets up to dropkick Jax. Shayna grabs the Kirifuda Clutch but Asuka flips back for the pin at 1:31.

Post match Shayna doesn’t let go but Asuka escapes anyway. The beatdown continues with Asuka firing off Kawada Kicks and pulling off a turnbuckle pad. Baszler’s face is crushed against the buckle and Asuka loads up a curb stomp. The referee breaks it up to prevent a high dentist bill.

Mustafa Ali is yelling at Retribution when Riddle speeds through on his scooter. The sound effects he was making push this to funny.

Fastlane rundown with Braun Strowman vs. Shane McMahon added.

US Title: Mustafa Ali vs. Riddle

Ali is challenging and has Retribution with him. Riddle knocks him outside to start but gets sent into the announcers’ table. A swinging neckbreaker off the apron drops Riddle and we take a break. Back with Ali hitting another neckbreaker for two but Riddle strikes away. A suplex sets up the Broton for two and he kicks Ali in the head. There’s a rollup so T-Bar gets up, only to have Ali reverse into one of his own. T-Bar drops down but the delay lets Riddle kick out and hit the Bro Derek to retain at 8:31.

Rating: C. This was much more about Ali having problems with Retribution, if nothing else because he keeps promising that he can win the big one and failing just like them. It is a shame that Retribution has never taken off because the talent is there, but never let it be said that WWE doesn’t know how to screw things up. The team is likely on borrowed time and at this point, that’s probably the best idea.

Randy Orton is ready to kick Alexa Bliss out of his life.

Here’s Drew McIntyre to say he has been watching the show and doesn’t like MVP’s guarantees. That’s why he is out here tonight, because he wants to see this match up close and get ready for Wrestlemania.

Sheamus vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and Sheamus sends him into the corner to start in a hurry. Some forearms to the back have Lashley in trouble but he powers Sheamus to the mat. A clothesline drops Sheamus again and the delayed vertical suplex does it one more time. Sheamus is back up and sends Lashley to the apron for the forearms to the chest.

Lashley is fine enough to catch him with the overhead belly to belly though and we take a break. Back with Lashley working on the armbar and sending Sheamus into the corner again. The running charge hits the post though and Sheamus gets up top for the clothesline. Some elbows to the shoulder and an armbar keep Lashley in trouble and Sheamus sends him outside.

Back in and the Irish Curse gets two and Sheamus grabs a kind of complicated leglock. Lashley fights up again and hits a Downward Spiral, followed by a superplex for the big crash. The spear is blocked by a jumping knee to the face and Sheamus grabs White Noise for two. Lashley doesn’t seem to mind and pops up with the spear for the pin at 17:41.

Rating: B. I know he isn’t the most popular guy but Sheamus can do a good power match. That was on full display here and Lashley is more than capable of hanging right in there with him. This was a heck of a fight that took a little time to get going. Once they started trading bombs though, it was good good stuff and that’s what you would have expected from these two.

Post match Lashley grabs the Hurt Lock on Sheamus but McIntyre breaks it up with the Claymore. Sheamus and McIntyre stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a really weird show as it did a very good job of setting up Wrestlemania but did very little to set up Fastlane, which is in less than six days. The good thing is that they added more matches to both pay per views, but Fastlane is going to be lucky to run longer than two and a half hours. The wrestling was more good than bad and there was nothing terrible (your taste may vary on Shane vs. Strowman) so this was one of the better Raw’s in a while (and it still wasn’t great).

Results

Drew McIntyre b. The Miz – Hurt Lock

Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke b. Lana/Naomi – Swinging neckbreaker to Lana

New Day b. Hurt Business – Daybreak to Benjamin

Damien Priest b. Jaxson Ryker – Hit The Lights

Asuka b. Shayna Baszler – Rollup

Riddle b. Mustafa Ali – Bro Derek

Bobby Lashley b. Sheamus – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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205 Live
Date: March 12, 2021
Location: Capitol Wrestling Center, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Vic Joseph

For once we’re coming off of a pretty strong show as last week saw good stuff in both of the show’s matches. The talent is there, but it is all about finding an interesting way to present it. This show has had a serious problem figuring it out along the way but hopefully they can start going in the right direction again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Bollywood Boyz vs. Curt Stallion/Mansoor

Ever-Rise joins commentary for a bonus. Commentary mentions Mansoor being undefeated during his entrance as it seems to be a thing. Mansoor wristlocks Sunil to start but gets reversed into a headlock for his efforts. Samir comes in and it’s a pair of leapfrogs into a double back elbow for two on Mansoor. Some double dropkicks take the Boyz down but it’s too early for the hot tag.

A double suplex gets two on Mansoor and we hit the chinlock. Sunil holds Mansoor’s legs so Samir can drop a top rope elbow for two more. Mansoor manages to shove them into each other but doesn’t tag, instead fighting them both off on his own. A clothesline into a bulldog out of the corner drops Sunil and the slingshot neckbreaker hits Samir. Stallion tags himself in, glares at Mansoor, headbutts Sunil and pins Samir at 6:25.

Rating: C-. This could work as they do need to do something with Mansoor so feuding with Stallion could be as interesting as anything else. Above all else it is something and that is more than Mansoor has had this side of Saudi Arabia. I’m curious to see where it goes and that is something I haven’t been able to say about 205 Live in a good while.

Tensions seem ready to flare post match.

We see Jordan Devlin saying that he’s coming back to NXT from this week’s NXT.

Ariya Daivari vs. August Grey

They fight into the corner to start and Grey isn’t having this trash talk. Daivari takes him down into an early chinlock but Grey reverses that into a headlock. Grey throws in a takeover to frustrate Daivari even more but he’s back up with some hard chops. A running hurricanrana and some chops set up another headlock on Daivari but he’s back up with a knee to the ribs.

The threat of So Much Prettier sends Daivari bailing to the floor so Grey misses a dive and tweaks his knee. Daivari hits a hanging neckbreaker off the apron for two but Grey grabs a small package back inside. That annoys Daivari so much that he blasts Grey with a running clothesline and the chinlock goes on again. With that not working, Daivari misses the Persian Lion splash and Grey makes the comeback.

That means a double clothesline though and they’re both down again. It’s Grey up first and unloading in the corner, followed by some shots to the face. Grey snaps off a neckbreaker into a scoop brainbuster for two more. A swinging suplex gets two more so Grey heads up top, only to get pulled down in an Iconoclasm. Now the Persian Lion splash gets two so they head to the apron with Grey hitting something like an STO.

Back in and Grey misses his rope walk spinning crossbody for a big crash. Daivari gets caught grabbing the rope while trying to counter a sunset flip and stops to yell at the referee. Grey nails a superkick but So Much Prettier is broken up. Instead Grey avoids a charge in the corner and grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin at 13:16.

Rating: B. Where in the world did that come from? These two had a heck of a match and I was wanting to see how it was going to end. Grey is becoming a breakout star more and more every single week and it’s kind of awesome to see. The ending wasn’t a heel turn but rather Grey cheating because Daivari had tried to and balancing things out. It made sense and was a clever way to wrap up a good match.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m not sure what has gotten into 205 Live as of late but they are on a rather nice roll. This is their second good show in a row and the main event is worth seeing, even if you’re not overly familiar with either of them. I’ve been asking for the show to pick things up a bit and that is what they have been doing so well done on all accounts.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.