Survivor Series Count-Up – 2003 (2018 Redo): I’ve Watched This Show Too Many Times

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is another big one and it’s also a one sided show. The Smackdown offerings are about as uninteresting as they could be while the Raw side looks at at least marginally better. This isn’t a great show on paper and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to be even worse as it actually takes place. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home episode of Smackdown if you need a recap.

The opening video talks about surviving things such as the game, evolution, and the battles in between. That’s all this needed to be, especially with Austin vs. Bischoff being the real main event.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, Hardcore Holly, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw

Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan

Cena is out first and raps about burying everyone, meaning Lesnar and Show need a bigger graves. He’s still new at this team thing because he wonders if he can trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Holly wastes no time and attacks Lesnar before the bell, sending him into the steps and trying a full nelson to break his neck. He also shoves a referee, and gets disqualified before the match even starts.

The bell rings and a Clothesline from Bradshaw ends A-Train in less than thirty seconds to tie it up. The chokeslam gets rid of Bradshaw as we’re not even a minute in yet. Good idea actually, as it’s not like Bradshaw and Holly were anything more than warm bodies anyway. Cena comes in but can’t FU Big Show and gets thrown into the corner as the four remaining members start working him over. A Throwback to Lesnar gets two but more importantly it allows the hot tag off to Benoit.

The chokeslam is countered into a Crossface (always looks cool) with Lesnar making a save. It’s off to an abdominal stretch as things slow down again. The standing legdrop gets two on Benoit and it’s time for some double teaming on the floor. Angle and Cena have finally had enough and go over to make a save but Benoit is beaten down even more. Morgan comes in for some lumbering offense but a suplex allows the hot tag to Angle. That means a series of suplexes as everything breaks down. The Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie us up at three.

Show clotheslines Jones by mistake though and an ankle lock gets rid of Nathan less than thirty seconds later. An F5 gets rid of Angle with the first count coming as Jones’ elimination is still being announced. We’re down to Benoit/Cena vs. Lesnar/Show and Brock goes shoulder first into the post.

A Crossface has Lesnar in trouble but he reverses into a cradle for two. Benoit won’t be denied though and slaps it on again, this time with Lesnar’s feet reaching the ropes. The third attempt makes Lesnar tap and we’re down to two on one. Benoit drops Show with a top rope shoulder for two so Cena adds a chain shot and the FU for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was too fast for the most part but the real problem comes from the fact that so many people were involved in the first place. This really could have been a six man elimination tag (A-Train as the third villain) and it would have been better, but that’s not how these things traditionally work. Cena and Benoit winning in the end is the right way to go as Cena’s rocket push is being assembled, but at the same time there’s a lot of work left to do. Benoit vs. Cena, which could still happen, would be a benefit for both guys and that’s a good sign for the future. Unfortunately it wasn’t the best present, but at least it wasn’t long.

Vince McMahon comes in to see Shane and talks about how tonight, father and son are facing two brothers. He thinks it’s almost spiritual and asks Shane how he feels about that. Shane only feels sorry for Vince. The boss leaves and runs into Austin, who starts laughing. Then he stops and gets serious before walking away. These two have great chemistry even if it doesn’t make the most sense.

JR explains the exchange.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match a few weeks back. Feeling out process to start as JR explains that these two have some contrasting styles. Lita gets knocked to the floor so Molly starts in on the back with some ax handles. We hit a dragon sleeper with Jerry liking her intensity. The handspring elbow in the corner keeps Lita in trouble and Molly stomps away.

A running corner clothesline rocks Molly and Lita rains down some right hands for her first real offense. Molly cuts her off with a side slam but Lawler would rather talk about Lita’s thong. A powerbomb out of the corner gives Lita a breather but the moonsault misses. The Molly Go Round gets two so Molly rips off a turnbuckle pad and sends Lita face first to retain.

Rating: D+. This was mainly Molly doing everything while Lita did a thing or two here and there. That’s not the most thrilling style in the world but Molly can be made into a good champion for a big name to take the title from later. Let her be built up for awhile instead of giving Lita the title immediately. It’s ok to wait now and then.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane went nuts after losing his mask and after struggling to defeat Rob Van Dam, started tormenting Linda McMahon. Shane became the big star out of this because of course he did, including beating himself in a Last Man Standing match. Various attempted murders later set up this ambulance match, which is possibly the second most pushed match on the show.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Ambulance match with Shane charging straight at him for a crossbody to the floor. Shane knocks him onto the announcers’ table and hits him in the head with a monitor, setting up the big elbow to drive Kane through. That’s enough at ringside though so they head to the back, including the camera cutting out. That means we hit the pretape and come back with Shane pounding him down with a kendo stick.

Shane puts him in a security shack and jumps into an SUV to run Kane over again. Finding a well placed walkie-talkie, Shane tells someone to SEND IT, which means it’s time for an ambulance backstage. But is that the designated ambulance? That makes a difference you know. Instead of backing the ambulance up to the shack where Kane is down, Shane grabs a stretcher and wheels it twenty feet over, allowing Kane to grab him by the throat and slam Shane into a wall.

The camera goes out again and we pick it up with Kane knocking him back into the arena. Shane gets knocked into the front of the ambulance but manages to hit Kane in the face with the back door. What a sick sounding thud too. Kane is back up and sends Shane into the ambulance but another ram with the door gets Shane out of trouble. A tornado DDT on the floor plants Kane as they’re now near the grave for the Buried Alive match.

Shane puts a trashcan (good thing one was nearby) and a crashpad (same as before) and hits the Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to smash Kane’s face. That’s still not enough to wrap things up as Kane pulls Shane into the ambulance with him for more brawling. It’s Kane throwing Shane out though and then ramming him back first into the side. He javelins Shane’s head into the other side (you have to match you see) and a Tombstone on the floor is enough for the win.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as long as I was expecting but again, this doesn’t really do what they were likely shooting for with Kane. It makes two straight matches where Kane has had trouble beating up Shane McMahon. He can destroy Rob Van Dam but Shane gives him trouble? It didn’t work last time and it doesn’t work here. Now that he’s lost all of his heat though, you can pencil him in for a World Title match.

Brock Lesnar says he didn’t lose that match because his team lost it instead. Goldberg comes in for a staredown but Lesnar won’t wish him luck tonight. And so it begins.

Here’s the Coach, in a neck brace, for a chat. He assures his fans that he’s fine after the 3D from the Dudleys on Monday and he’ll be good to go soon. That seems to be it but hang on a second as Coach sees Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. Cuban is ready to see Austin’s team win and insults referees of all kinds (he’s known for heavy criticisms of NBA referees). This brings out Eric Bischoff to invite Cuban into the ring, where a fight breaks out. Bischoff gets shoved down but here’s Randy Orton for an RKO to complete this waste of time.

Evolution is having a party with HHH in the middle of a good looking bunch of women. Ric Flair comes in to say they can have the champ later, which annoys HHH. Orton comes in, hits on the women, and brags about what he just did. Uh, congratulations?

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Brothers are defending after Eddie won a handicap match to earn the shot. Eddie and Chavo waste no time in slugging away until Shaniqua offers a distraction to slow things down. That doesn’t seem to matter much to the cousins as Eddie works over Danny to start things off. A dropkick gives Chavo two and there’s a headscissors/armdrag combination from Eddie to put both champs down.

Some double teaming (described by Cole as “classic Bashams”) takes over though and Shaniqua gets in a slam on Eddie for good measure. Back in and Eddie gets stomped in the corner, followed by a double vertical suplex for two. Eddie gets free with a headscissors and hands it back to Chavo, who is double flapjacked in short order. Chavo fights up but Twin Magic takes him down again. Everything breaks down and Chavo slams Shaniqua, followed by a quick spanking. That’s NOT cool with the champs so Doug grabs a rollup with Chavo’s tights to retain.

Rating: D+. Another TV level match here with Los Guerreros coming up short again as we get closer to their inevitable split. The Bashams aren’t a great team (though they have apparently have a classic period) but they’re serviceable for something like this. Get rid of the dominatrix stuff though as it’s not working, isn’t funny and makes Shaniqua look like the important part of the team, which misses the point entirely.

Replays show Chavo kicking Eddie down by mistake, meaning this is far from over.

JR doesn’t think Austin can handle this trusting people stuff and has never seen Austin this angry.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. They’re running the show together but Austin isn’t allowed to attack people at will anymore. On top of that, a lot of people are accusing him of ruining the show through his various antics. That doesn’t sit well with Austin, so it’s time for a winner take all match with the winner getting to run Raw on their own. The idea is Austin has to trust people, which goes against everything he believes in.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Dudley Boyz, Booker T., Rob Van Dam

Bischoff: Scott Steiner, Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton

Coach, Stacy Keibler and the two team captains are at ringside. The fans want tables to start but have to settle with D-Von and Christian instead. D-Von shoulders him down to start but gets slapped in the face, triggering a bunch of right hands to the head. That’s not a nice response. Van Dam comes in for some forearms to the face and a kick to the jaw gets the same. It’s off to Jericho for some more luck, followed by Steiner whipping Van Dam hard into the corner to set up some posing.

Van Dam’s comeback is cut off by a belly to belly superplex but he’s able to get over to Booker for the hot tag. Things speed way up in a hurry and the scissors kick into the Spinarooni makes Bischoff face palm. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Steiner hits Booker low. The Recliner goes on but Stacy offers a distraction, setting up a reverse 3D. A Bookend is enough to get rid of Steiner and make it 5-4.

The World’s Strongest Slam gets rid of Booker a few seconds later to tie it right back up. Bubba comes in to try his luck and is sent hard into the corner. D-Von’s help doesn’t make things much better as the Dudleys are rammed together. Mark misses a charge though and it’s a 3D into the Five Star for the elimination. It’s off to Orton for a hard clothesline on Van Dam but Rob scores with a kick. Another Five Star is loaded up but Jericho makes a save, setting up the RKO to tie things up at three each. Jericho comes in and missile dropkicks D-Von down as JR and King wonder how things will go tomorrow night.

D-Von shoulders Jericho down for no count as Christian has the referee, setting up the sleeper drop for another elimination. This match is already better paced than the opener and here’s Shawn to pick things up all over again. Shawn pounds on Jericho in the corner and catches an invading Christian without much effort. Orton gets in a dropkick but stays down anyway as I guess he didn’t hit all of it. A double tag brings in Christian and Bubba with a backdrop getting two on the Canadian.

Jericho runs Christian over by mistake but a low blow sets up the Unprettier to get rid of Bubba. We’re down to Shawn vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Austin is starting to see how much trouble he’s in. Shawn punches away at Christian to start but some good old fashioned double teaming has Shawn in trouble again. Like there’s any other way this should go. Shawn is taken outside and catapulted into the post (you can see him blade on the wide shot) to bust open a GUSHER.

That and a suplex are only good for two back inside and Christian even steals his pose. Jerry: “That was a creepy little pose right there.” The Unprettier is broken up and a quick Sweet Chin Music gets rid of Christian. A frustrated Jericho comes in and gets two off a clothesline before handing it back to Orton. Shawn gets in a belly to back suplex but Jericho comes back in to take over again. As usual, JR is perfect at calling this kind of a story and Shawn getting two off a DDT has Jerry trying as hard as he can to believe in Shawn.

The Lionsault hits knees and Shawn pulls himself up but gets pulled into a Walls attempt. That’s reversed into a quick small package to get rid of Jericho and make it one on one (Lawler: “I BELIEVE I BELIEVE!”). Jericho isn’t gone yet though and caves Shawn’s head in with a chair shot. Why that isn’t a DQ on Orton isn’t clear but Shawn is done as Orton comes back in.

That’s only good for two and you can see the sigh of relief from Austin. Orton’s high crossbody hits the referee and here’s Bischoff to break up Sweet Chin Music. That’s too much for Austin so it’s a Stunner to Orton but he makes the mistake of beating on Bischoff a bit too much. They go up the aisle and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin.

Rating: B+. I love this match and always have. It doesn’t really pick up until Shawn is on his own but that’s what he’s done best throughout his entire career. He knows how to play the underdog better than anyone I’ve ever seen and you really can get behind the Lawler mindset of trying to believe here. As usual, Shawn is great in this role and it’s never too far to believe that he could pull this off (quick superkick, small package for two eliminations). Great stuff, but you might want to skip the first few minutes.

Austin is stunned at the loss because he placed his career in someone else’s hands and was let down. The bloody Shawn can barely stand and Austin congratulates him for giving it everything he had. Austin grabs the mic and talks about starting here in Dallas and going out here as well. Coach comes out to laugh and gets beaten up one more time with security getting the same treatment. Beer is consumed as a final goodbye. You know, assuming you believe that he’s gone for good this time.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker wants the title one more time but Vince screwed him over at No Mercy. Therefore Undertaker wanted a Buried Alive match here, because that’s where you go from here. Vince then went into this weird spiritual thing, which really didn’t work or accomplish much.

Tazz’s key for Vince’s victory: AVOID THE HOLE! Good advice.

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Buried Alive and Vince drops to a knee in prayer before the match. Undertaker punches him down to start and the beating is on in a hurry. Vince is already bleeding less than thirty seconds in as this is going to be one sided for a long time. The beating continues until Undertaker crotches him on the post to switch things up a bit. More low blows keep Vince in trouble and it’s time to go to the floor with Undertaker choking with a cord. Completely one sided so far, as you probably guessed.

Cole and Tazz try to explain the idea of Vince being punished for his sins, which I’m guessing are mainly about Stephanie. I mean, almost everything else is. Vince is thrown over the announcers’ table and it’s time to go to the grave. Well just Undertaker at this point and he comes back with a shovel. One heck of a shot to the head rocks Vince again and Cole declares it over. So much for Undertaker’s hot streak.

Vince’s ankle gets crushed by the steps and NOW it’s time to head to the grave. Vince finally throws some dirt in the eyes (his first “offense”) and a low blow keeps Undertaker in trouble. A shovel to the head puts Undertaker in the grave….for a few seconds. He pulls Vince in and goes to the front loader to drop the dirt but gets cut off by lightning. Cue Kane to beat up Undertaker and bury him (again) to give Vince the win.

Rating: D-. So yeah LOLVINCEWINS because of course he does. There was nothing to see here unless you like Undertaker destroying people and then having a surprise ending. The announcers treated this like Undertaker’s last match, because if there’s one thing Undertaker is known for, it’s going away for good. It’s more of a match than an angle, and there’s no way that’s how Undertaker is going out. Bad match but moderately entertaining beatdown.

Cole and Tazz are SHOCKED.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Goldberg won the title last month so HHH put a $100,000 bounty on his head. Batista returned and collected by breaking Goldberg’s ankle so tonight it’s about revenge and the title. There’s not much of a reason for this to main event but would you expect much else? Well save for Vince maybe?

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle. HHH is looking as out of shape as I’ve seen him in years, probably due to his bad groin injury. Hang on a second though as Goldberg has to quickly dispatch Flair to make it a little more fair. They head outside in short order with Goldberg hammering away but the ankle gives out on a gorilla press attempt.

A chop block takes Goldberg down and we hit the meat of the match. Flair is back up as HHH sends Goldberg outside, meaning a distraction sets up a chair to Goldberg’s ankle. There’s another chop block back inside and the slow leg work continues with Flair getting in a few shots of his own. A knee drop keeps the ankle in trouble and we hit a half crab. At least he knows his low level submissions.

Goldberg grabs the rope and fires off some right hands to little avail. A limping clothesline works a bit better as Flair is beside himself. HHH takes him down again and calls for a Figure Four, only to be kicked into the referee. That means brass knuckles for a very near fall and HHH beats up the referee again. The sledgehammer is brought down but Goldberg kicks him down with the bad ankle.

Flair’s latest attempt at interfering gets him slammed off the top (JR: “It hasn’t worked in thirty years.”) and Goldberg grabs the hammer. A shot to the ribs drops Flair and an invading Batista and Orton are quickly dispatched as well. The Pedigree is blocked and Goldberg picks up the hammer again but throws it down. Instead it’s a spear and Jackhammer to retain the title like a real man.

Rating: D+. Well if you’re a fan of HHH working the ankle, have fun. Goldberg looks strong, but there have been so many other big matches tonight that this isn’t the strongest way to end things. I’ll give them points for giving Goldberg a push, but you’re crazy if you think HHH isn’t getting the title back within the next month. Just a messy brawl, but it could have been much worse. At least HHH didn’t need fifteen minutes of working the leg.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some good and bad stuff on this show but the bad wins out in the end. Between the weak main event, not great opener and pretty terrible Vince vs. Undertaker match, there’s not enough to put with Shawn’s amazing performance. This was better than I was expecting though and that’s a nice relief. Both shows need something fresh on top and it actually seems to be happening on Smackdown. I’ll take one out of two, especially at this point in time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2003 (2015 Redo): The Last Ride

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the first of two redos that I’ll be doing for the year. It’s an interesting time for WWE and Raw in particular as there are two General Managers for the same show. While that sounds like a dream come true for WWE, it needs to be changed tonight. Therefore we have Steve Austin’s team vs. Eric Bischoff’s team, winner take all. That’s not the main event of course because we’ve got HHH! Let’s get to it.

The opening video asks if you have what it takes to survive. I know I usually make fun of this but it’s something that fits the simple idea of the show. Why mess with something that works this well? It also gives the Smackdown Survivor Series match some focus and doesn’t put the whole thing on the less interesting matches.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, John Cena, Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Bradshaw

Brock Lesnar, A-Train, Matt Morgan, Big Show, Nathan Jones

Holly is here due to Lesnar breaking his neck over a year ago. Lesnar’s partners are just hired guns. Show is US Champion, which he almost never defended. Brock is WWE Champion (Smackdown) so everyone wants to fight him for obvious reasons. Morgan is an unknown and Jones never was any good.

Cena rhymes a bit before the match, saying he’s the fetus and everyone else is afterbirth. Can we stick with Dallas is the place to be and John Cena is the man to beat please? He doesn’t need a stable, but he might want to trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Brock might have something to say about that but as for Big Show, Cena is like a big whistle. I’ll let you figure out the punchline. So he wants Sable and Big Show? That’s….uh interesting.

Before we get to the match, I wish they would get rid of the sound effect they use for the name graphics. It sounds like metal creaking and is already annoying. Holly goes after Lesnar before the bell and sends him into the steps. A referee gets shoved down and Holly is disqualified before the match even starts. In the ring, A-Train misses a charge in the corner and eats Bradshaw’s Clothesline for another elimination but Big Show chokeslams Bradshaw for the third elimination in less than a minute.

Cena can’t FU Big Show and it’s off to Lesnar for what would be a very different (and better) match later. John pounds Brock down in the corner and gets two off a rollup until Brock sends Cena flying. It’s off to Morgan as the announcers are talking about the Cruiserweight Title for no apparent reason. Morgan’s sidewalk slam has Cena in more trouble and it’s off to Jones, who is finally allowed to appear on live pay per view. Cena finally scores with the Throwback (I miss that move) on Lesnar and it’s off to Benoit.

Lesnar gets pounded into the corner as Benoit always looked awesome against Brock. A big clothesline puts Benoit down and it’s off to Big Show for a gorilla press, who talks trash to Angle while holding Benoit in the air. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface (I’ve always loved that counter) but Brock is right there to break it up. We hit the abdominal stretch with Show’s back to the camera (that’s probably a fine today) and you can’t actually see most of Benoit. I never get used to how big Show really is.

The standing legdrop gets two for Show and the big brawl breaks out on the floor. Morgan comes in and gets dropkicked in the leg and face, finally allowing for the hot tag to Angle. We’re already at the rolling Germans so it’s off to Lesnar who gets suplexed as well. Everything breaks down and the Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie it up. Show gets dumped to the floor and the ankle lock gets rid of Jones, only to have an F5 do the same to Angle. So after three more eliminations in less than a minute, we have Lesnar/Big Show vs. Cena/Benoit.

Lesnar misses a charge at Benoit and hits the post so Benoit goes right after the arm. The F5 is quickly countered into the Crossface and Cena is smart enough to knock Show off the apron but Brock gets his feet into the ropes. Another Crossface actually makes Lesnar tap clean, leaving Big Show alone 2-1. The YOU TAPPED OUT chants begin and Benoit takes Show down with a top rope shoulder. The Crossface is knocked away but Cena nails Show with the chain, setting up the FU for the pin and the victory, planting seeds for Wrestlemania in the process.

Rating: C-. I always liked the idea of this match on paper but it really didn’t work in execution as it needed another ten minutes or so. There were two stretches here that added up to six eliminations in about two minutes. They went through this way too fast which is probably due to time, but a World Champion’s match shouldn’t be cut for time. Just too fast here.

Benoit and Cena shake hands after having issues for weeks.

Vince comes in to see Shane and points out that it’s father and son vs. brothers tonight in separate matches. The only thing Shane feels is sorry for Vince, who faces Undertaker later. Vince leaves and runs into Austin. They start chuckling and then laughing but Austin gets serious really fast and walks away. Nothing was said and JR and King are confused as well.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Lita

Lita is freshly back from her year and a half off with the broken neck and this is her first title shot. I’ll give you two guesses as to who the fans are behind. Lita starts fast and suplexes Molly down, followed by a nice nipup. That’s not serious enough for Molly so she sends Lita crashing out to the floor. We hit a dragon sleeper on the challenger as Lawler can’t seem to bring himself to talk about Molly’s looks. To be fair, it really doesn’t feel right to try.

Back up and Lita hammers in some right hands but the comeback is short lived as a sidewalk slam gets two. Molly actually tries to talk some trash in the corner and gets powerbombed off the middle rope instead. The Litasault misses though and the Molly Go Round (top rope flipping seated senton) gets two. Frustrated, Molly loosens the middle turnbuckle and drop toeholds Lita into the steel to retain. No I didn’t skip anything. The referee either didn’t notice or didn’t car and it really is as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D. Lita just wasn’t back yet and the match didn’t work as a result. Molly is really talented but the lack of charisma hurt her. At the end of the day, she’s the most innocent and kind woman the company had in years and for some reason they made her a heel. It never fit and this was a good example of why it didn’t.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane was doing his annual monster thing and tombstoned Linda due to reasons of evil. That’s Kane’s evil, not Linda’s evil. Shane came back for his annual (popular theme here) wrestling run by trying to stop the monster. This leads us to an ambulance match here.

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Ambulance match which means casket but with an ambulance instead. Shane goes after him to start but has to use a chair to knocks the steps into Kane’s face. They’re already loading up the announcers’ table and thank goodness for that. Would you want to imagine these two trying to do a regular match? Shane hits him in the head with a monitor and drops the sweet top rope elbow through the table. Kane sits up so let’s go into the crowd for a change.

They get to the back with Shane sneaking up on Kane with a kendo stick. Not a wrench or a pipe or something made of metal, but rather a wooden stick. He was an athlete, not a scholar. Shane puts him in a security booth and backs an SUV into Kane before calling in an ambulance on a walkie-talkie (where did that come from?). Also, would that count even if it’s not the designated ambulance? Wrestlemania XIV would seem to hold precedence here.

Kane comes back by throwing Shane into a wall and there goes the camera, drawing a lot of booing from the crowd. They’re right too as they paid for a live show and are watching most of this on a monitor but then they don’t even get to see all of it? I’ve never been a fan of going backstage for just that reason.

Back to the arena with Kane throwing him against the other ambulance. JR: “Like Shane was a cruiserweight.” Shane probably would be a cruiserweight actually, or at least really close. An ambulance door to the face slows Kane down (When all else fails, hit them with a door. It got Christian the Hardcore Title at Wrestlemania XVIII.) but he just blasts Shane in the face. He can only get one door shut with Shane inside though, allowing McMahon to come back with a DDT on the concrete.

Again, since Shane isn’t the brightest guy on the planet, he comes back with a trashcan. Not a heavy, thick object but rather a thin trashcan. He makes up for it a bit with a Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to drive the can into Kane’s face, landing on a box (which appeared to have a crashpad inside) in the process. Kane still gets an arm out of the ambulance door (that’s fine in this case as it took a long time for Shane to get him inside) and just throws Shane against the ambulance wall. A Tombstone on the concrete (no wonder Kane’s knees are shot) is enough to put Shane away.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Some of the spots were good but Shane going for the cool looking stuff instead of the logical stuff like HIT HIM WITH A WRENCH really brought it down. It also doesn’t help that this got more time than the first match, because you want to push the boss’ son in a feud he has no business winning that went on for months. This really could have gone to someone else to give them a rub but Shane gets it instead. That’s not good and it got on a lot of wrestlers’ nerves back in the day.

The ambulance leaves with Shane inside.

Brock tells Josh Matthews (who looks like even more of a tool than he does now) that he didn’t tap out or lose because he’s not afraid of anyone. Goldberg comes up to shake his hands, planting the seeds for their, ahem, match at Wrestlemania.

Here’s the Coach in a neck brace to waste some time. Coach assures us that he’ll be back to health soon enough and not to worry about him. As he’s about to leave, Coach spots Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. We get a quick interview where Cuban says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Bischoff. Being a Bischoff guy, Coach disagrees and asks Cuban about WWE referees vs. NBA referees (Cuban has a LONG history with NBA referees) so Mark says all referees suck.

This brings out Bischoff (JR: “What happened to Survivor Series?”) to say he’s in charge tonight. Cuban is in the ring with him now and Eric threatens to have him thrown out, but maybe Bischoff should just do it himself. Eric gets shoved down so here’s Randy Orton to lay Cuban out with an RKO. They would actually revisit this SIX YEARS LATER when Cuban guest hosted Raw and screwed Orton out of a match. Again: the opening match with the World Champion gets thirteen match, Shane vs. Kane gets a little more and this gets about six.

Evolution is having a party with some good looking women. They make a toast to HHH getting the title back (from Goldberg) when Orton comes in. Orton: “Guys listen…..whoa.” They’re proud of him for laying out Cuban (why?) and he promises to take out Austin as well. Evolution will drink to that.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

The Bashams, with He-Man chest pieces, are defending and have Shaniqua with them. My goodness what happened to the Bashams? They spent FOREVER in developmental and were just another tag team on the main roster. It’s a brawl to start with Danny (partner of Doug) being sent to the floor but both of them have to save Shaniqua. I’m not sure why as she was one of the most worthless managers and performers of all time.

Eddie starts with Three Amigos to Danny before it’s off to Chavo for two off a basement dropkick. Back to Eddie who is sent to the floor and beaten up by Shaniqua. Danny puts on a reverse chinlock as this is just a Raw match. Yeah they’re all on Smackdown but Smackdown was a lot better than this. Chavo comes back in with dropkicks and a bad looking tilt-a-whirl slam for two on Doug.

Eddie saves his nephew from a middle rope spinebuster and Chavo adds a running hilo for two. Chavo and Doug clothesline each other and Shaniqua lets us have some Twin Magic. Even in 2003 I can’t get away from the Bellas. Shaniqua takes a frog splash but Chavo accidentally kicks Eddie on a tornado DDT, letting Danny roll Chavo up and grab the tights to retain.

Rating: D+. Just a TV match here which isn’t enough when you’re on one of the biggest pay per views of the year. The problem here is this was meant to set up stuff in the future (Chavo vs. Eddie) instead of being about the titles. That’s fine (see Royal Rumble 1994) down the road but it doesn’t make for a good match here. The Bashams had no personality and it’s a big reason why they weren’t going to make it like this. It’s a major problem of this era and the modern era still: finding something that works in developmental and scrapping it when they get to the main roster, making most of the developmental time a waste.

Lawler and JR preview the elimination tag and tell us that Shane is getting ready for a CAT scan.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff, which is all about controlling Raw. Austin isn’t allowed to touch anyone unless physically provoked which drove him crazy. He also doesn’t trust anyone but he’s been forced to trust five men tonight though because this is it. Bischoff had fired him as a wrestler but Austin was brought back as co-GM which caused a bunch of friction, setting up this match. If Austin wins tonight, he has full power and can fight whenever he wants.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T., Dudley Boyz

Bischoff: Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry

Steiner has Stacy Keibler against her will as part of a very uncomfortable story. The Dudleyz are the Raw Tag Team Champions and Van Dam is Intercontinental Champion. Christian and D-Von get things going, which seems appropriate for old times’ sake. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Van Dam who gets tow off a quick kick. Jericho comes in and gets shouldered and suplexed for two.

Steiner gets the tag and eats a boot to the face, only to throw Van Dam with a suplex to take over. A little crotching on the top makes it even worse as we’re firmly in the early stages still, meaning that this didn’t fall to the curse of “what else can we give the time to?”. Booker comes in but gets run over as well with the bicep elbow drop getting two. JR just has to bring up the three mini kings from 1994 because that story NEVER gets old.

Booker nails a quick scissors kick and a Spinarooni as everything breaks down. A low blow stops Booker and Steiner puts on the absolute worst camel clutch I’ve ever seen. Stacy gets on the apron to play cheerleader for Booker so Steiner breaks the hold. The reverse 3D plants Scott and the Book End is good for the first elimination. Never mind the lead though as the World’s Strongest Slam (I didn’t realize he had been using it that long) from Henry ties it up thirty seconds later.

Bubba comes in with some hard shots to the jaw but Henry runs him over Vader style. D-Von tries to help his brother, only to be slammed face first into him by Henry’s insane power. Speaking of power, the Dudleyz come back with 3D followed by a Five Star (the ECW Special?) to get rid of Mark. Jericho is in next but Van Dam head fakes him to set up a split legged moonsault for two.

It’s off to Orton for the first time and he blasts Van Dam with a big clothesline. I can never get over seeing Orton looking human or having hair. That’s one of the most jarring physical transformations I’ve ever seen in wrestling and it always strikes me. Like a viper. Van Dam kicks him in the face but Jericho shoves Rob off the top, setting up the RKO to tie it up again.

The fans want tables but have to settle for D-Von getting two off a headbutt. Jericho comes back in for two off a dropkick, followed by a quick Flashback (sleeper drop) to get rid of D-Von. It’s Shawn/Bubba vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Shawn gets his first tag to fire the crowd up again. Jericho is quickly sent running over for a tag to Orton who has a lot more luck with some forearms to the chest.

Back to Bubba who cleans house on all three until Jericho breaks up a Bubba Bomb with a low blow, setting up an Unprettier to leave Shawn down 3-1. Christian is up first and Shawn hammers away with right hands, only to be low bridged out to the floor by the other Canadian. The slow beatdown begins and Jericho cuts off the comeback again, allowing Christian to catapult him into the post. JR gets in his “local basketball team here” dribbling a ball line. Shawn is busted and you know the shaky legs are coming soon.

Christian does the signature Shawn pose and punches away, only to charge right into Sweet Chin Music to make it 2-1. That’s where Shawn is at his best: looking dead on his feet with his back against the wall and throwing superkicks because it’s all he’s got left. Oh and bleeding normally helps. Jericho comes in for some right hands before it’s back to Orton who grabs a belly to back suplex.

The heels start making some faster tags but Jericho dives into a kick to the ribs and a DDT. Lawler: “I want to believe. I’m trying to believe.” Shawn sends Orton to the floor and blocks the Lionsault with knees. Jericho is up first though and tries the Walls, only to get small packaged to tie it up. Lawler: “I BELIEVE!” Before he leaves though, Jericho blasts Shawn in the head with a chair. Shouldn’t that be a DQ on Orton as it’s interference when it’s down to one on one?

Orton comes back in with a high cross body but Shawn collapses to send Orton crashing into the referee. You can actually feel the drama here, even with JR being borderline obnoxious with the cheering for Austin. The VERY bloody Shawn tunes up the band but Bischoff kicks him down. That’s enough for Steve and the beating is on, including a Stunner to Orton. Austin and Batista head to the back and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin. And yes, you’re supposed to believe that the referee saw or heard NONE of this.

Rating: B+. This took its time to get going but once they handed it over to Shawn, it was all gravy. There’s no one better at making the impossible comeback than Shawn Michaels and this was one of the better ones he’s ever done. There was really no way you could have Austin’s guys win here but they did a GREAT job of making you think that his team could pull it off. That’s really impressive stuff and the match was great drama with the action backing it up.

Shawn gets up in the big serious moment and says he let Austin down. Steve doesn’t accept that and hugs him anyway as JR is being all serious, which actually works here. Austin isn’t done though and comes back to the ring after walking Shawn to the back. He talks about his career starting in Dallas in 1989 and if it has to end, he’s glad it ended here. Cue Coach with the cops, singing Goodbye. I think you get the drill here: he has nothing to lose so the beating is on. Naturally beer is consumed, just like it would be again when he was back in December.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker had been feuding with Vince’s handpicked champion Brock Lesnar so Undertaker was never going to be allowed to be near the title again. One night, Undertaker won a match granting him any match he wanted at Survivor Series. He picked Buried Alive, which Vince gladly agreed to because Brock would destroy him again. Undertaker meant Vince of course and the match was made. Undertaker is promising to bury Vince once and for all tonight. I’m sure.

Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon

Buried Alive if that’s not clear. Tazz even has keys to victory. #3: AVOID THE HOLE! That’s good advice in so many areas of life. I miss Undertaker’s You’re Gonna Pay song. Vince has recently been saying a higher power will protect him in this match. So he’s protecting himself? Undertaker starts punching early on and SWEET GOODNESS Vince is gushing. The beating continues with Vince getting crotched against the post. Totally one sided as you would expect so far.

Undertaker chokes with a camera cord as payback for Vince threatening to have Undertaker’s wife raped and his home blown up. Yep that happened. One heck of a monitor shot knocks Vince over the table and an even bigger shot with a shovel has Vince in a heap on the floor. Undertaker crushes the ankle with the steps as there are LARGE red puddles underneath Vince’s head. That’s one of the deepest blade jobs I’ve ever seen.

Undertaker finally carries him to the grave but a low blow FINALLY gives Vince a breather and his first offense. A shovel to the chest puts Undertaker in the grave but he comes right back and throws Vince in instead. He goes to get in the bulldozer but the cab explodes. Cue Kane to knock Undertaker into the grave. Vince is sent to the bulldozer and Undertaker is buried.

Rating: C+. The match sucked but some of those shots to the head and that SICK blade job more than carries it up. This was a violent mess and that’s exactly what it needed to be, especially with the ending designed to get us back to the Dead Man. That being said, WHY DID UNDERTAKER KEEP AGREEING TO THESE MATCHES??? HE NEVER WON IT ONCE! Bad match, GREAT violence and blood.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. After losing to him over and over, HHH issued a $100,000 bounty because he thought he was Harley Race in modern times (look up Starrcade 1983). Batista returned from injury and claimed the bounty by breaking Goldberg’s ankle. Tonight is HHH’s rematch and Goldberg can barely walk coming in. This gets the music video treatment even though there’s really not enough of a story to warrant it.

Raw World Title Goldberg vs. HHH

Goldberg is defending (doesn’t that mean Batista didn’t take him out?) and HHH is looking WAY less developed than usual. He had a groin injury around this time but did it really mess him up that badly? Like, it’s WEIRD to see him looking like this. They slug it out before the bell and the spear connects but Goldberg has to beat up Flair. Ric is clotheslined to the floor and the bell actually rings. Even Lawler thinks waiting that long is pretty stupid.

After a quick trip to the floor it’s back inside with Goldberg scoring off a powerslam. The leg goes out though and HHH starts in on it, including throwing him outside for some cheap shots from Goldberg. Back in and HHH drops an elbow onto the leg, followed by a lot of stomping to put the champion on the floor. Say it with me: and Flair gets in some shots too.

There’s a half crab with Goldberg grabbing the ring skirt but for some reason that’s not enough to break the hold, giving us JR’s sarcastic voice. Goldberg pulls him face first into the post and puts both guys down with a clothesline. It’s HHH up first but the Figure Four is broken up, meaning we get a ref bump. Oh good as I was worried we might not have one.

Flair throws in some brass knuckles to knock Goldberg silly for two. HHH knocks the referee down again and it’s sledgehammer time. Goldberg takes it away and hits Flair in the ribs, knocks out the invading Orton and Batista and breaks up a Pedigree attempt. The spear and Jackhammer connect to retain the title.

Rating: D. HHH sucked in 2003. I can barely remember a single good match he had in the year (and yes I know there are a few here and there) but the big ones were bad on top of bad on top of bad. It’s the same formula no matter what and feels like it’s never going to end. All that aside, what was up with his physique here? Go check this out. It’s like someone went back to 1995 and inflated him. Bad match here, as you would expect.

Overall Rating: D. This show feels like they put the card together but never bothered to put the show in order. It would have been much better, and made WAY more sense, to have the Austin vs. Bischoff match go on last as it’s implied to be Austin’s final appearance, which is a lot more important than your run of the mill title defense. The rest of the show is pretty much just there, ranging from bad to dull. Swapping the card wouldn’t have fixed it entirely but it would have made for a much more entertaining night instead of wanting to know what else we had to sit through.

Ratings Comparison

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Molly Holly vs. Lita

Original: D+

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

Original: D

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Team Bischoff vs. Team Austin

Original: A-

2012 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B+

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2012 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C+

Goldberg vs. HHH

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

One step down every year.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2003-austin-vs-bischoff/

And the original redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/11/09/survivor-series-count-up-2012-edition-2003-austins-retiring-forever-and-doesnt-close-the-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2003 (2012 Redo): HHH Time

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Well as usual, a lot has changed around here since last time. Brock is a monster again, Goldberg is Raw Champion, Vince is back and fighting the Undertaker, and it’s Austin vs. Bischoff having surrogate teams fight for control of Raw. This is a big change of pace from last year and hopefully it’s a bit better as well. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about surviving. There’s an original concept.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, Hardcore Holly, John Cena, Bradshaw, Chris Benoit

Brock Lesnar, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan, Big Show, A-Train

Cena does a rap before the match about how big the other team is. This is one of Morgan’s few matches in WWE. From what I can find, he had 18 total matches, one of which was over a year after his previous one. Holly is here because Lesnar broke his neck and now Holly wants revenge. This would result in Hardcore Holly actually getting a world title match at the Rumble. Show is US Champion here.

Holly jumps Lesnar during his entrance and tries to put him into a full nelson, earning himself a DQ before the match ever starts. Back in the ring, Bradshaw and A-Train start things off with Bradshaw blocking a Vader Bomb and hitting the Clothesline for the elimination to tie us up. Bradshaw charges into a chokeslam from Show and is out 20 seconds later.

Cena comes in but can’t FU Show yet. Off to Brock but Cena takes his knee out. A quick rollup gets two and Cena does the same thing again. Off to Morgan who isn’t quite as polished as Lesnar. A side slam puts Cena down and it’s already off to Jones. Jones does some very basic choking and it’s back to Brock. Cena hits the Throwback on Brock and there’s the tag to Benoit (notice the pop).

Benoit pounds on Lesnar in the corner but it’s back to Big Show and there’s only so much Show can do with him. Show lifts Benoit into the air and drops him on his face while talking trash to Angle. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface but Brock (who is Smackdown Champion here) makes the save. Show puts on an abdominal stretch of all things followed by the standing legdrop for two.

Angle gets a tag but the referee doesn’t see it. Back to Morgan for some skilled standing on Benoit’s throat. Benoit speeds things up and takes out Morgan’s knee before tagging in Angle. Kurt immediately rolls some Germans on Matt and everything breaks down. Angle Slam eliminates Morgan, the ankle lock eliminates Jones (who would quit in about two weeks and never be seen again) and the F5 takes out Kurt, all in the span of about 25 seconds.

This gets us down to Benoit and Cena vs. Lesnar and Big Show. Lesnar misses a charge in the corner and Benoit goes after the arm like a crazy man. Brock gets Benoit up for the F5 but Benoit counters into the Crossface. Show makes the save so Benoit puts it right back in, only to have Brock make the ropes. The third time though gets a rare tap from Brock as this match is flying by. That more or less makes Benoit the #1 contender.

It’s Benoit and Cena vs. Big Show now as the fans tell Lesnar that he tapped out. Benoit hits a top rope shoulder but can’t put on the Crossface. Cena gets a blind tag and there’s a chokeslam to Benoit. A chain to Show’s head and the FU are enough for the pin. Somehow Cena wouldn’t win the US Title from Show for almost six more months.

Rating: C. Not a great match here but to say it got the fans fired up is the understatement of the year. That FU at the end was the usual jaw dropping moment for Cena and while the rest of the match was pretty forgettable, the crowd is all ready to go now, which is the point of this kind of a match. Angle would turn heel and feud with Eddie soon into the new year.

Vince talks to Shane about how tonight it’s father and son against two brothers which is a somewhat cool idea, but the matches are both likely to suck so it’s hard to care. Shane says he feels sorry for Vince. Vince leaves and runs into Austin and they have a really awkward laugh before Austin stops and glares at Vince. This is one of those moments where it was supposed to be big but came off as weird instead.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is somewhat recently back after breaking her neck on a TV show and is challenging here. The fans immediately start cheering for Lita and she hits a quick clothesline to take over. Some knees to Molly’s chest sets up a suplex and a nipup by Lita. We head to the floor where Lita is sent into the barricade back first, which gets two for the champ back inside. Off to a chinlock by Molly followed by a dragon sleeper which doesn’t last that long.

Molly sends her into the corner and hits the Muta handspring elbow in one of the only times you’ll hear his name mentioned on WWE TV. Lita kicks Molly away and backflips to the top for a cross body and a two count. A rollup gets the same but Molly sidewalk slams her down for two. Molly tries a rana out of the corner and gets powerbombed down, but the Litasault misses. The Molly Go Round (flipping seated senton) surprisingly only gets two so Molly goes to expose a buckle. After a save is made by Lita, the champ sends her face first into the exposed buckle for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match itself was ok, but man alive Molly wasn’t that interesting to watch. I get that she’s a very technically competent wrestler and could do almost anything pretty well in the ring, but she was a black hole of charisma. Molly was just there most of the time, which doesn’t make for interesting matches at all.

We recap Kane vs. Shane. Kane, being all psycho, tombstoned Linda on the stage one night. Shane stood up for his mama and beat on Kane as much as he could, but it basically turned into a monster movie as Shane did all sorts of things to Kane but Kane just kept coming. Shane got his testicles electrocuted in a semi-famous bit in retaliation. Somehow this set up an ambulance match, which is a casket match but with an ambulance. This is one of those feuds that went on and on for MONTHS, apparently ticking off guys in the back because Shane wasn’t a full time wrestler but he was getting big spots on the card.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Shane immediately knocks him to the floor but Kane sends him into the steps to take him down. Shane gets the steps on top of Kane and pounds him down with a chair. The announce table gets loaded up early and there’s a monitor to the side of Kane’s head. Shane hits the big elbow through the table and both guys are down less than two minutes in. Both guys get up and Shane makes Kane chase him (literally) through the crowd.

They head to the back and we lose the camera feed for a bit. Kane really is stalking Shane like in a slasher movie. Shane gets behind Kane somehow and blasts him with some kendo stick shots. Shane gets in an SUV and backs up into Kane, knocking him into a guard shake. McMahon grabs a walkie-talkie and says send it, so here’s an ambulance. Kane fights off the stretcher and throws Shane into a concrete wall before they head back to the arena.

Shane looks like he’s dead on his feet as Kane punches him. Kane throws him onto the hood of the ambulance, cracking Shane’s head open apparently. Shane sends him into the side of the ambulance and opens the doors, slamming one onto Kane’s head a few times. Kane fights his way out of the back of the ambulance before throwing Shane in, but only one door gets shut.

McMahon comes back with a kind of tornado DDT out of the ambulance and hits Kane with a trashcan. He then puts something big and black between Kane’s legs before climbing on top of the ambulance. Shane goes Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to drive a trashcan into Kane’s face while Kane was laying against the barricade. The big black thing apparently was a box to keep Shane from, you know, dying.

Kane is dead weight now and Shane can’t get him into the ambulance immediately. Kane pulls Shane inside with him before getting all fired (pun intended) up. He rams Shane into the ambulance over and over, tombstones him on the concrete and throws him into the ambulance to win.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible but it went on too long. Thankfully this was the last time Shane was an active wrestler for a few years as he was only good for stuff like this in doses. Kane would go on to feud with, who else, the Undertaker in a few months. There were some good bumps here, but at the end of the day Shane isn’t a wrestler and that was becoming obvious near the end.

Brock says he didn’t lose tonight. Josh Matthews says he tapped out and Lesnar doesn’t want to hear it because he didn’t tap out. Lesnar says line up anybody in the world and he’ll beat them because he’s the WWE Champion. Oh hi Goldberg. Yep, they’re foreshadowing THAT match.

Here’s Coach to waste more time. He’s in a neckbrace due to a 3D on Monday. His doctors assure him that in a few days, he’ll be fine. Coach sees Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, in the front row. Cuban agrees to a quick interview and says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Bischoff. Coach says that’s not happening so he asks Cuban if he prefers WWE or NBA referees. Cuban says they all suck (Cuban is well known in the NBA for being highly critical of referees) and here’s Bischoff to yell at Cuban a bit.

Eric asks Cuban to get in the ring and say whatever Cuban thinks to his face. Cuban gets in the ring and TOWERS over Bischoff, probably a good seven inches or so taller. Bischoff says that he can have security take Cuban out or he can do it himself. Mark shoves Eric down but Randy Orton slides in and RKO’s Cuban, who sells it as well as any celebrity I’ve ever seen. If I remember right, this was actually referenced SIX YEARS LATER when Cuban guest hosted Raw. This was a waste of about seven minutes.

Evolution is having a party in the back with a ton of women. HHH takes his shirt off to drive the girls crazy but Flair says not yet because HHH has to fight later. Orton comes in and panics, stops to flirt with the girls, and then says that he’ll kill the legend of Austin tonight.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Brothers are Doug and Danny, have Shaniqua with them and are defending here. Los Guerreros take over to start as this is apparently about something the Bashams did on Smackdown. What that was isn’t important enough to explain, but apparently it happened. Chavo and I think Danny start things off with Chavo in control. It’s quickly off to Danny who stomps Danny down in the corner and follows up with the Three Amigos.

It’s back to Chavo with a low dropkick for two and it’s right back to Eddie. A Sin Cara-esque headscissors takes both Bashams down but the champs double team Latino Heat to take over. Shaniqua, a big old monster chick that won Tough Enough 2, runs over Eddie on the floor and Doug pounds away on him in the ring. A double slingshot suplex puts Eddie down for two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock by Danny. Eddie fights up and takes Danny down with a headscissors before tagging in Chavo.

Everything breaks down and another double flapjack puts Chavo down. Danny loads up something like a spinebuster off the middle rope but Eddie makes the save before Danny can jump. Eddie gets sent to the floor but Chavo dropkicks Doug down. Danny and Chavo clothesline each other down and the “twins” switch. Eddie takes Shaniqua down and Frog Splashes her. Let’s spank her too because she’s a dominatrix. Chavo hits a tornado DDT on Doug but kicks Eddie in the process. As Chavo checks on him, Danny rolls Chavo up to retain.

Rating: D+. I know the description sounded really dull, but there was nothing here at all. The guys in this match are pretty talented, but the tag division was so dead around this point. The Bashams just weren’t that interesting and there isn’t much else to say about it than that. That was a major problem back in 2003: a lot of the guys were just there and nothing of note, which is a shame as Danny is a legend in OVW but it never translated to WWE.

Los Guerreros glare at each other post match.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. They had been sharing power and tonight’s match is for full control. Austin is skeptical about trusting anyone and he’s fired if he touches anyone. From what I understand from the video, if Austin’s team wins, he can beat up anyone he wants.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Dudley Boyz

Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Christian, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry

The Dudleys are Raw tag champions and RVD is IC Champion. Team Bischoff hides on the floor and Austin yells at Jericho a bit. Christian and D-Von start things off with the Dudley pounding away. A flying clothesline gets two on Christian and here’s Van Dam who gets the same off a spinwheel kick. Off to Jericho who gets kicked in the face as well, followed by a northern lights suplex for two.

A dropkick puts Van Dam down and here’s Steiner for the same power stuff he’s done for about eight years running now. After making Steiner miss in the corner and hitting a cross body, Van Dam gets caught in an overhead belly to belly suplex. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched, allowing Scott to hit an overhead belly to belly for two. Off to Booker who gets clotheslined down and elbowed for tow.

Booker hits the forearm to take Steiner down and hits the ax kick but it’s a Spinarooni instead of a cover. Everything breaks down and Steiner hooks the Recliner on Booker. Stacy, Steiner’s reluctant manager, cheers for Booker. The distraction breaks the hold and the Dudleys hit the reverse 3D on Steiner and the Bookend gets the elimination. Henry comes in and immediately hits the World’s Strongest Slam to take Booker out and tie things up.

Van Dam comes back in and the kicks to Henry’s legs don’t do much good at all. Bubba gets a blind tag and pounds away on Henry but Mark runs him over. Bubba pounds away but brings in D-Von because it takes both Dudleyz to take Henry down. Henry misses a charge in the corner and walks into the 3D, allowing Van Dam to hit the Five Star. The dogpile pin is allowed and Henry is out.

It’s Jericho vs. Van Dam now with Rob sending Jericho into the corner for two. Off to Orton who clotheslines Van Dam down hard for two. RVD comes back with the springboard kick to the face but Jericho breaks up the Five Star, knocking Rob into the RKO for the elimination. Off to D-Von for a flapjack and a legdrop for two. A top rope headbutt gets two on Orton so it’s off to Jericho.

Chris’ missile dropkick puts D-Von down but Bubba breaks up the pin. Jericho is all cool with that though and hits the Flashback (sleeper drop) for the pin and elimination. It’s Bubba and Shawn vs. Jericho, Christian and Orton. Here’s Shawn for the first time and house is quickly cleaned, but that little dust bunny known as Chris Jericho takes him down. Off to Orton again who gets in a few shots before getting clotheslined.

There’s the not hot tag to Bubba who beats up all three Bischites. A flapjack puts Jericho down and a backdrop gets two on Christian. A Samoan Drop puts Orton down and we get heel miscommunication between the Canadians. Jericho breaks up the Bubba Bomb with a low blow and the Unprettier pins Bubba, making it 3-1. Shawn immediately comes in with a forearm to Christian and the nip up as things speed up.

Jericho low bridges Shawn and the double stomp is on outside. Off to Orton as the heels slow things down. Shawn and Christian slug it out but Shawn has to beat up Jericho as well. Christian slingshots Shawn into the post and Michaels is busted open. Back in and Christian suplexes Shawn down before doing the HBK pose. Shawn is covered in blood as Christian shoves him out of the corner….and charges right into Sweet Chin Music for the elimination. That was sweet!

Jericho is all ticked off now and pounds away on Shawn’s forehead but Michaels comes back with a chop in the corner. Shawn can’t follow up though and a clothesline puts him down for two. Shawn comes back with a DDT out of the corner for a delayed two as Orton saves. Shawn throws Orton out to the floor but Jericho’s Lionsault hits knees and Shawn FINALLY gets up. The superkick misses but Shawn rolls Jericho up to counter the Walls and somehow it’s down to Orton vs. Shawn. Jericho, ever the bad sport, clocks Shawn with a chair.

Orton, who is still down from being thrown to the floor somehow, is left against a dead Shawn. Randy crawls back in but can only get two. He goes up but the cross body takes out the referee instead. Shawn loads up the Superkick but Bischoff comes in and kicks him down. Austin finally snaps and beats up Eric before Stunning Orton. Steve goes after Bischoff and throws him up the aisle, but Batista runs in and powerbombs Shawn, giving Orton the academic pin to win the match and send Austin away for at least a good three weeks.

Rating: B. This took A LONG time to get going, but once Shawn was on his own and got to get the crowd behind him completely, it was all gravy. The important thing here was that Shawn basically beat Christian and Jericho through a pair of flukes and not because he Hulked Up or anything like that. He caught Christian charging at him and rolled Jericho up when Jericho’s arms were being used in a hold. Shawn made this match work, as the other members of his team were useless. The guy really is that awesome.

Austin is shocked and goes into the ring where Shawn isn’t moving at all. He helps Michaels up and Shawn says he’s sorry. Austin pulls Shawn up and they shake hands with no Stunner. They walk up the aisle together and leave but Austin’s music plays and he comes out one more time. He says that he started his career 14 years ago right here in Dallas. Austin says if it has to end, he’s glad that it’s ending where it started. He says that you won’t hear him say this much, but he loves the fans.

This brings out Coach to sing the goodbye song and have security take Austin out. Austin of course beats up the guards and Coach as this is going on too long. Austin Stuns Coach and beer is consumed. He leaves the two cans sitting in the ring and flips off the crowd for old times’ sake.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince. Taker keeps trying to win the title but Vince screwed him over at No Mercy against Lesnar. Undertaker says that Vince has to be held accountable for his actions and on Smackdown, Taker won the right to have any match with anyone he picked. He said it was buried alive and Vince loved the idea of getting to see Lesnar bury Taker. Taker said not so fast my friend, because the match is against Vince.

Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon

Taz actually has keys to victory. First: be mentally stable. Second: be confident. Third: AVOID THE HOLE! Did Taz just make me laugh? I don’t know how to handle this. Oh good we have the bell so I don’t have to deal with it. Remember that in this you have to put the other guy in the grave and cover him with dirt to bury him alive. Apparently it’s thirteen years to the day since Taker debuted. Vince kneels in prayer before the match starts.

Taker punches him in the face, drawing blood off a SINGLE PUNCH. He pounds away on Vince as McMahon is just trying to get back up. Vince gets crotched against the post and Taker wraps the leg around the post for fun. The same thing happens on the opposite post and Vince is sent into the announce table. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Taker hits him and says this is for my wife. Yeah this was around the time when Vince said he was going to have someone rape Taker’s wife. You know, because there’s nothing wrong with that.

The beating continues for awhile and Vince hasn’t had a single bit of offense in yet. Vince gets punched up against the barricade and we head back inside. Taker heads to the grave site and gets a shovel which is CRACKED off Vince’s head. This is quite a beating. Taker crushes Vince’s ankle just like he did in 1998. There are PILES of blood on the floor. Taker carries him to the grave but Vince gets in a low blow to FINALLY slow Taker down.

Vince hits him with a shovel and taker falls into the grave. Taker shrugs it off and pulls McMahon down into the hole, but as he goes for the machine to lower the dirt, an explosion goes off. Kane is in the cab and helps Vince out of the grave. Taker is knocked into the grave and Vince lowers the dirt onto Taker to get the shocking win.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring although that first shovel shot was great. Other than that though, there wasn’t enough here to make this match matter. This would be the last time Biker Taker was seen as he would return as the Dead Man at Wrestlemania to, say it with me, feud with Kane. The blood alone prevents this from being a failure.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. Goldie won the title at Unforgiven so HHH put a $100k bounty on his head. Batista returned from an injury and broke Goldberg’s ankle to claim the bounty. This is almost literally the same story that Race and Flair had to set up the first Starrcade, with the main difference being that Race was champion when he set up the bounty. This gets the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. HHH

Goldberg is defending and has a broken ankle. Doesn’t that mean Batista didn’t take him out/put him on the shelf? With Flair still in the ring, Goldie limps and punches at the same time. There’s a spear to HHH but there’s no count because the bell hasn’t rung yet. Flair gets backdropped and there’s the bell. HHH gets knocked to the floor and the champ is in full control. Goldberg drops him face first onto the barricade and we head back inside.

Goldberg tries to use power but the ankle gives out on him. A chop block takes Goldberg down and we head to the floor for a low blow. Flair sends the leg into the post and is DRENCHED in sweat already. Back in and things slow down even more as HHH does whatever he can as Flair chokes away even more. HHH stays on the knee and the sequence keeps going on and on and on. That was the problem with HHH matches: they were the same boring formula over and over and it never worked.

HHH puts on a half crab but Goldberg is in the ropes. The ankle gets bent around the post as this is getting even more boring. Goldberg comes out of the corner with a clothesline but a powerslam is too much for him here. Goldberg kicks HHH into the referee and Flair throws in some brass knuckles to knock Goldberg out cold. That only gets two and HHH is ANGRY, so he drops an elbow on the referee.

It’s sledgehammer time but HHH charges into a boot. Flair gets slammed off the top and Goldie has the hammer. He takes Flair out with it but as he goes for HHH, Batista and Orton run in, only to be knocked out with the hammer as well. The Pedigree is countered and Goldberg throws down the hammer. The spear and the Jackhammer retain the title.

Rating: D+. Well the match sucked, but you certainly can’t say HHH didn’t put Goldberg over huge here. This is where the good parts of the match end. As for the bad: Goldberg wouldn’t sell the leg once the big insane part started, the match sucked, and HHH won the title a month later at Armageddon in a three way match, with Goldberg moving on to feud with Lesnar after this. Not a good match here but that was typical of HHH around this time.

Overall Rating: D+. This is from a bad time in the company as HHH was still on top but there were other things that were far more interesting. For instance, the Austin thing DEFINITELY should have closed this show as Shawn is the only thing that was really good on the whole card. On top of that, the main problem here is that other than the Shawn match, there’s no heart to this show. It comes, it goes, nothing really feels like it matters. That would be the case until Cena and Batista rose up to breathe new life into the company.

Ratings Comparison

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Original: B-

Redo: C

Molly Holly vs. Lita

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

Original: D

Redo: D+

Team Bischoff vs. Team Austin

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Goldberg vs. HHH

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

This matches up pretty well: most of the matches were about the same but a few were lower this time, as was the overall rating.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2003-austin-vs-bischoff/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2003 (Original): The Evil Authority Figure

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz

What a difference a year makes. Austin is back as the co-GM of Raw along with Bischoff which is one of your main matches. The winner of the Survivor Series match becomes the full GM of the show. The Raw main event is Goldberg who debuted the night after Mania 19 against HHH (I’m as shocked as you are), who had lost the world title to Goldberg at Unforgiven two months earlier.

The twist this time is that Goldberg has a shattered ankle thanks to the returning Batista. Over on Smackdown, we have Angle’s team against Brock’s team in the feud that wouldn’t die. Their world title match is nonexistent here, which is kind of a throwback to the original shows.

The other main match is Vince vs. the Undertaker in a Buried Alive match which we’ll cover in more detail when we get to it. Other than that, this looks like a run of the mill TV show instead of a PPV. A handful of matches can carry a show to being good, so let’s see if this one does just that.

The opening video is very generic with a voiceover asking if people have what it takes to survive. Oh come on I could have been more creative in high school.

Kurt Angle’s Team vs. Brock Lesnar’s Team

Kurt Angle, John Cena, Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Bradshaw
Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, A-Train

Again, no recap, and yes that’s the same Matt Morgan from TNA. This really is just a way to push Brock vs. Angle, Benoit and Cena. All three were trying to become number one contender to his WWE Title around this time and it led to some absolutely great matches. Cena grew up during this feud as he showed that he could work with the best of them in someone like Benoit and work well.

As for the other guys, I think Heyman or whoever the GM was brought them in to help Brock fight here. This might have been Jones’ last appearance and I’m pretty sure Morgan’s debut was on Smackdown when he was added to this tem. Holly is there because Lesnar broke his neck and Bradshaw…uh…well he would be world champion in about nine months so apparently they knew something was coming with him.

Cena is still a rapper who wears throwbacks here. He doesn’t know why he’s on first. I thought who was on first. As always Cena gets a reaction. You could see the star on its way out in him and in just a year and a half’s time he would be winning world titles. Bradshaw has his more familiar look now and apparently he’s the replacement for Farrooq who was injured by Big Show. No clue why Farrooq was supposed to be in there in the first place but whatever.

Holly in a major PPV match just looks weird. Angle gets a solid pop. Show is US Champion here and it looks like a freaking toy. Jones had been around for awhile hanging out with Undertaker but then left for the summer and came back even more horrible. Morgan is a complete stranger here, with the first things Cole says being “we don’t know a heck of a lot about Matt Morgan”. You have to love commentators being on top of things like that.

He still looks like a freak though, but given that he’s followed in by Brock Lesnar, he’s kind of overshadowed. Holly jumps him before the bell and beats on him for awhile before shoving a referee and being eliminated before the match starts. I’m glad for that because Holly is the name of my best friend’s sister so I always picture her (she’s 12) when I talk about Hardcore Holly and it’s just aggravating.

Somehow Holly (the wrestler, not the 7th grader) would get a world title shot at the Rumble and naturally would get destroyed. He was obsessed with breaking Lesnar’s very thick neck, so instead of using a weapon or something he kept trying to beat him with a full nelson. It was just idiotic and nothing but filler until Eddie got into the main event. Bradshaw eliminates A-Train in about thirty seconds as we see how stupid the Clothesline From JBL is as a finisher.

Once someone has been beaten down it’s ok, but with this A-Train missed a splash and Bradshaw hit a single clothesline for a pin. That just doesn’t roll for me. Since 30 seconds was too long, Show comes in and eliminates Bradshaw with a chokeslam in about 20 seconds. That’s stupid also, but far less so. Show finally has gone back to the singlet and shorts so he looks far less idiotic at this point than he did last year.

It’s 4-3 in case you were wondering. Cena is in there with Lesnar now and while he’s in over his head, he’s trying. Like I said you can see the star in him. We move on to the wet dream of the IWC that is Matt Morgan vs. John Cena. This might have been Morgan’s WWE debut unless he had a match on Smackdown that I don’t remember, but he’s light years ahead of Nathan Jones who had been on Wrestlemania already. Jones clearly can barely do anything at all.

Morgan is limited here, but he at least looks comfortable. Jones looks like he’s walking through every single step in his mind which is just not good for a major show like this. Ah good they covered that. Earlier on they mentioned that the heel team here is the heaviest of all time which I wasn’t sure of. They mention the first Survivor Series and the heel team in the main event. I had forgotten Rick Rude was on that team which brought the average weight down a lot.

Cena has been in there a long time now, which makes little sense as he has Angle and Benoit (rocking the black tights tonight) on the apron. As I say that, old black tights comes in and hammers on Lesnar. In an odd stat that Tazz points out, three members of Team Angle have had broken necks and now you can add Cena to that list I think. I don’t remember if it was broken or not but he was out with a neck injury. Show’s power is just scary.

It’s a weird thing to see Matt Morgan be the weakest guy on his team but I think he is here. I will never get tired of watching Benoit and all those ways he has of getting the Crossface on people. It’s ridiculous how many ways he can get that on people. Angle finally gets the tag and cleans house, beating down all four heels. He ducks a boot from Jones that hits Morgan, leading to the Angle Slam to tie it at three.

Now that’s the Kurt Angle that gets the insane praise around here. Jones taps out maybe twenty seconds later. Angle stands up from the ankle lock and turns around to get F5ed and pinned. We lost three people in thirty two seconds after losing three in 48 seconds earlier. Thanks for that epic storytelling there Vince. Now we get to the good stuff as it’s Benoit vs. Lesnar. It’s 2-2 here by the way, with Benoit and Cena against Show and Lesnar.

Now this is very interesting as Benoit and Brock are in there together for about two minutes and Lesnar gets his head handed to him. Benoit gets the Crossface on him three times and Brock gets out on his own once (the other time Benoit put it on when Lesnar was in the ropes). On the third one Brock taps, which was huge as Benoit gets a clean win over him. Cena gets the tag and gets kicked square in the hands.

Following this he does something that’s either very smart or very stupid: he doesn’t sell the kick. Now you can look at this one of two ways. The kick clearly missed by at least eight inches and he got his hands up. Now if you’re Cena here you have a very big problem here: do you look stupid and sell, or do you acknowledge that it didn’t connect and keep going? I could certainly see both sides but Cena just gets the chain from the corner and pops Show, leading to the FU and the pin.

Rating: B-. Well that was shall we say different. The two big bursts of eliminations seemed stupid to me but that’s whatever I suppose. The big things that were supposed to be done were done as Cena pins Show to further their feud and Benoit gets a clean win over Lesnar. That worked fine with the rest of the people there just being window dressing for the most part.

This really should have been Benoit’s team other than Angle’s but that’s fine as Angle was the bigger star at this time. The good parts were good and the bad parts were bad here, and that’s the best I can say it. Benoit would get his title shot on Smackdown but would lose. Eventually he would win the Rumble and go to Raw and beat HHH for the belt at Mania.

Vince comes to see Shane about his match with Kane tonight. He says that we have a father and son against two brothers which is kind of a cool thing when you think about it. He asks Shane how he feels. Shane says the only thing he feels is sorry for Vince tonight. I love how they can coexist despite that whole Shane trying to put Vince out of business two years ago ordeal but whatever. Vince leaves and runs into Austin and they stare at each other.

Austin starts laughing as does Vince. Austin laughs harder and harder before stopping dead and walking past Vince. That’s one of those really weird moments that works despite making absolutely zero sense in context. It’s just odd seeing them together given their history, but those two played such a major role in the company’s survival that it just wouldn’t work if they didn’t interact somehow.

Come see the WWE live!

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

There’s a great sign in the crowd: Take Me To Your Lita. This is Lita’s comeback after being out about a year and a half with a broken neck. Was there something in the water in catering that caused broken necks or something? More or less this is her complimentary title shot, which makes me wonder how weak the division is when a woman returning from a year and a half off is considered the top challenger. That can’t be a good sign.

She’s rocking the shorts if nothing else so that’s a perk. Molly is as generic as you can possibly imagine here. The story leading into this match was that Molly was jealous of all the attention that Lita was getting, which makes sense at least. Molly actually has a great looking chest that often get overlooked. I know it’s not the best thing to focus on their looks here, but seriously, there’s no story here and if you really believe that the wrestling is what’s supposed to be on display here, you’re sadly mistaken.

We get a Great Muta reference and Lawler doesn’t know who that is. That’s just amusing. The wrestling being relatively boring here isn’t helping things either. It’s ok, but that’s all it is: ok. Molly hits her top rope flip move, which of course makes her awesome but Lita gets up. Molly rams her into an exposed buckle to end it. Yep, that’s it.

Rating: D+. Egads this just wasn’t very interesting or even good. It suffers from the main issue that women’s matches tend to have which is that there’s just no real reason at all to care about it. The match is ok but there’s nothing at all to set it apart from any of the other various combinations of Divas that could have been come up with given the current batch of talent in the company.

We recap Shane vs. Kane. Kane recently had his mask taken off, leading to him going nuts (no really Kane went nuts) and actually tombstoning Linda on the stage. Shane started going after Kane but nothing would work. During this feud there was the testicle electrocution bit which I think was the one that killed any chance this feud had of working. There was a laundry list of problems with this feud though, so the testicle thing wouldn’t have saved it.

The biggest of all was simple though. No one actually cared because we didn’t know what Kane was talking about. He kept going on and on about pain etc, so just like now no one understands what the feud is about. Also, these guys feuded forever and I don’t think Shane had won a single time coming up to this.

There are other things but I’ll cut it off here. The last big thing was that a lot of the roster apparently didn’t like this because Shane is just coming in and taking a major spot away from others that are full time workers. Why should Shane, a guy that’s only an occasional wrestler be taking up a match with a guy that’s very high up on the card?

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

This is an ambulance match which is what you would think it is: get the other guy in the ambulance to win. JR says that Kane is crazier than an inbred hound dog. Does anyone ever wonder what his childhood was like? It certainly must have been quite the strange life. Before the bell rings Shane goes after Kane and knocks him over the ropes. The camera guy gets knocked too and the last thing we see is Kane upside down with his head about to slam into the concrete. It looked kind of scary.

JR calls this match barbaric. Odd, as I didn’t know that in barbaric societies they had baseball jerseys, audio commentary, wrestling rings, theme music, ambulances or pants. We immediately hit the weapons because Shane is rather limited to things that he can do with weapons, which makes sense because again, HE ISN’T A WRESTLER. Granted he’s a heck of an athlete though and I don’t think anyone would question that.

About a minute and a half in and Shane puts him through the table with the big elbow. That’s his signature move I’d think and he does it very, very well. Somehow though it’s lost a bit of its luster. McMahon gets Kane to chase him into the crowd as he’s clearly leading him on. I hate cock teases like that. Why lead someone into a bunch of other people? I have no idea what the point of that joke was so ignore it. It stopped being funny about two seconds after it.

They head into the back and Shane gets some shots in with a kendo stick which is his weapon of choice. Shane does something with a car but I’m not sure what it was. I think he put Kane in a security booth and rammed it but it’s hard to say. Well if nothing else it’s a cool idea. Oh yeah that was another problem: Shane kept coming up with more and more elaborate ways to try to hurt Kane, typically involving attempted vehicular homicide. Oh look Shane has his own ambulance.

They knock out another camera so the fans boo loudly since we can’t see anything. Ah there we are. Back in the arena they’re fighting near the ambulance because that’s the point of the match. I love matches like this that are chock full of psychology. In essence this is a casket match on wheels. In a cool spot, Kane is running Shane at the ambulance but Shane walks up the ambulance and spins off to the side before hooking a sick sounding DDT on the concrete. That was awesome.

Shane climbs up on top of the ambulance and launches the Coast To Coast dropkick at him. That was awesome. They fight inside the ambulance because that’s just so easy for the audience to see. Those big spots that I’ve mentioned are all that’s keeping this from being completely awful. The problem is that the ambulance is just a weird choice for a gimmick and in essence this is a hardcore match/street fight but with a different way to win.

It’s an ok fight, but it feels forced to me if that makes sense. Shane gets rammed into the ambulance about ten times before a tombstone on the concrete ends this. The tombstone was done really well done as Kane drops him as fast as he can and with the camera where it is you can’t tell if his head even comes close to hitting or not.

That’s the perfect way to do one of those and it worked really well at least for me. Of course we have to watch every single second of the ambulance leaving because the two minutes that it takes certainly can’t be used for anything else at all.

Rating: D+. There were some good bumps in there but this was really just a mess. No one wanted to see this and the gimmick was just ridiculous. They were in the ring literally zero seconds as they started fighting before the bell rang. And really, an ambulance? That’s the best they can come up with?

A last man standing match or something like that would have worked about 10x better here, but hey, we have flashy lights in this one! This was pretty bad with some cool bumps from Shane being the only bright spots.

Buy this Trish PPV and learn very little about her!

Lesnar says he didn’t lose tonight. We get the you tapped out chance and Brock blames his partners. How in the world did we never get Benoit vs. Lesnar but instead we got Lesnar Goldberg? Those two have a dumb moment of foreshadowing.

Coach comes out in a neck brace and I have a bad feeling about this. The Dudleys gave him the 3D to give him that, but he’ll be fine. My goodness this guy was annoying. He’s leaving but he sees Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks in the front row. For those of you unfamiliar with him, Cuban is almost Vince McMahon in a legit sport. He’s loud, he’s defiant and he’ll do whatever it takes to win.

That being said, he’s a great thing for the NBA because he is so into games. Instead of sitting in some box somewhere sipping scotch, he’s in the fourth row behind the cheerleaders wearing a Mavs jersey. I like that. Anyway, Bischoff comes out and challenges Cuban to a fight. They talk about how tonight this is Bischoff’s building which given the whole deal with the Nuggets earlier this summer, this is a lot funnier. Anyway, he shoves Bischoff but takes an RKO.

We go to the back where Evolution is having a big party with champagne and women. Orton comes in to announce what he did but stops midsentence to hit on a girl and then finishes what he said. Apparently beating up Mark Cuban is the same as beating Goldberg, at least according to Flair. This was odd indeed.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Bashams vs. Los Guerreros

The Bashams were about as generic of a tag team as you could ever find. The only reason I liked them was they had the same names (Doug and Danny) as my uncles that I used to wrestle with as a kid. They have Linda from Tough Enough as a dominatrix type manager which is dumber than it sounds. This led to Eddie vs. Chavo at the Rumble which was pretty good. Other than that, nothing came of this.

Chavo is ticked at Eddie over buying some lie the Bashams made so there’s your basic heel idea here. Eddie gets the Three Amigos for two. Chavo comes in and there are no visible problems for the Latin dudes. Back to Eddie with them completely dominating. Eddie takes them both out and so much for that as they take him out.

Wow I forgot to mention this but the Bashams are defending here. This is just not interesting at all here as it’s in fast pace and you can feel that even four minutes into this we’re over halfway done. Eddie saves Chavo and hits a top rope rana so Chavo can get two. After Eddie is sent to the floor both Chavo almost falls victim to twin magic but they beat up Shaniqua instead. And then Chavo gets rolled up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D. This was just another match of the month for these belts. After last year’s mind blowing few months of title feuds, the belts yet again mean nothing with the Bashams being the token champions at the time. These belts got zero respect and no one cared at all, which is rather sad in my eyes.

We recap Austin vs. Bischoff, which there isn’t much to say about it. If Austin’s team wins then he can beat up anyone whenever he wants. If Bischoff’s team wins, Austin is fired. Austin doesn’t trust anyone but he has to trust his team here which is the main point of the story. Eric had fired Austin again but Linda had brought him back as a Co-Gm which lasted for a few months and surprised no one at all. It was still cool though to have Austin back on a regular basis.

Austin’s Team vs. Bischoff’s Team

Ross nearly makes me roll my eyes by starting a line about how this is the biggest match Austin has, but then instead of saying ever had, he says Never been in. That was a nice little save there and makes things sound much better. It got dangerously close to being clever. I’d like to try something here.

Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Christian, Chris Jericho, Scott Steiner
Booker T, Bubba Ray, D-Von, Shawn Michaels, RVD

Other than HBK and Orton, would you be able to tell which team is face and which is heel? That kind of goes to show you what’s happened to faces and heels in this generation. They change so often that it’s hard to tell who is on which side. Anyway, in case you can’t tell the first team of those two is Bischoff’s. They both come out as groups, and this seems a bit one sided. RVD is the IC Champion and the Dudleys are the tag champions on Raw.

Booker and Shaw are former world champions in their own right, and they’re against Christian who was nothing back then, Steiner who had a cup of coffee in the main event and is now in the midcard, Henry who is in another monster push that would fail, Orton was a midcard guy on his way up and Jericho was just a fairly high level jerk. Actually this is fairly even upon second glance. The heels hide for awhile because they’re heels and that’s what they do.

Austin and Jericho talk trash to each other before we get going. I wish there had been a show or two where it was nothing but Jericho, Rock and Foley insulting each other. That would have had me riveted. We finally get going. Jericho and Christian are in the middle of the double date with Trish and Lita story which culminated in Jericho turning face.

Somehow the first date with Trish prompts JR and Lawler to discuss Fabio of all people and get into a bizarre discussion/insulting segment where they talk about how stupid modern terms are. This was just out of left field and meant nothing at all to the match. I think JR forgot where he was for a moment, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Someone get him a shot of barbecue sauce before he can’t holler at the top of his lungs incoherently anymore!

D-Von and Christian start us off. That’s just an odd pairing to open a match for some reason. Half of these guys have been in ECW. That’s rather impressive for a company that never did anything allegedly. We shift over to Van Dam and Jericho who had traded the IC Title recently with Jericho having one of the shortest reigns of all time, winning and losing it on the same Raw. Steiner comes in and we have some Michigan vs. Michigan violence.

There’s number one on the Steiner F Bomb count. Van Dam counters with the worst stepover kick that I’ve ever seen. It was just awful. Granted Scott Steiner is in there so it’s likely his fault. Steiner is completely dominating here as Bubba is screaming like a crazy man on the apron at Van Dam to get out of there. I mean he’s clearly audible several times in this thing and I keep thinking he’s on a mic somewhere. That’s impressive.

Booker comes in to shake things up a bit but Scott manages to suck the life out of the match again in under 20 seconds. That might be a personal record for him. Booker gets a Scissors Kick and the Spinerooni. That sounds like nothing but Bischoff’s reaction to it of holding his head is ridiculously funny as you can see him thinking to himself what in the heck was I on when I told him that was a cool looking move?

Ross calls a very non Arn Anderson style spinebuster an Arn Anderson spinebuster because there’s clearly only one way to ever do that move. After a big brawl, Steiner gets the Steiner Recliner on Booker. I have to pause for a moment here. I don’t usually do this, but that might be the funniest looking thing in the history of professional wrestling. Steiner is standing over Booker, not sitting down at all with Booker on his knees without his arms over Steiner’s legs.

I truly and honestly feel sorry for Ross, Lawler and Booker here as they have to actually try and make that move seem painful. This is a great example of why Steiner is considered awful in the ring. That was just flat out embarrassing.

Anyway, Stacy gets up to try to get people cheering for Booker. She’s under contract to Steiner but hates it so there’s your explanation. Also, does anyone else besides me hate the one shoulder tops that Divas often wear? I’m talking about the ones where it looks like what Andre used to wear. I don’t know why but I can’t stand those things. The Dudleys save her from Scott with the belly to back into a neckbreaker move they do.

Ross calls it a reverse 3D. That’s so far from correct I don’t even know where to start. The Book End gets rid of Scott. Mark Henry who had been feuding with Booker runs in and the world’s dumbest finisher ends Booker to tie us up at four. We get Bubba vs. Henry now and I can feel wrestling devolving right in front of my eyes. Teddy Long is Henry’s manager at this point. The Dudleys hit the 3D from out of nowhere on Henry and a 5 Star ends him.

Not sure if I get the point of the double finisher but whatever gets him out of there makes me happy. We’re back to Jericho and RVD again which is fine by me. I don’t think Shawn has been in yet. RVD goes for the 5 Star or Orton but after a Jericho shove he gets hooked in an RKO. This is kind of dragging. Bubba is yelling again. He’s quite annoying. D-Von is beating up Orton.

That was odd to type. Jericho beats on D-Von for awhile and hits one of his about 8,000 finishers to beat him, and in this case it was a sleeper drop. Bubba is in now and is yelling even more. What in the world is his problem? Michaels is finally in and gets ZERO reaction. That’s just weird to hear. He gets Orton, which is one of those feuds that has been about a million times yet has never had a definitive match.

I don’t know why that’s the case but it’s very odd indeed. Bubba gets tagged in and cleans house. It always seemed like they wanted to make him into a big deal but it just never happened for him. He was by far a better choice than D-Von, but that’s not really saying a lot. It never worked and it doesn’t here as for some reason he’s fighting all three guys but Christian makes him Unpretty to set up Christian, Jericho and Orton against Shawn.

Austin isn’t sure what to think. You can tell Shawn is nervous here as he’s already on the flying forearm. This is reminding me of a match in a video game, which I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Shawn hits the post and goes to the ground to blade a bit. Christian does HBK’s pose as Becca wants to murder him and I’ve never been more proud of her. After a missed Unprettier, Christian charges into the boot for the pin.

Shawn just lays on him which is cool and odd looking at the same time. Both guys beat the living heck out of Shawn as we have Lawler playing cheerleader. He keeps screaming about how he almost believe Shawn can pull this off. That would be redone in two years but this one is FAR better.. Jericho beats on Shawn for a good while and eventually tries to get the Walls but Shawn rolls him up to get us down to Orton (who is coming to the ring on Raw as I write this) against HBK.

Lawler immediately screams I BELIEVE I BELIEVE I BELIEVE! The commentators are so stupidly biased that it’s ridiculous. Jericho pops Shawn with a chair before leaving. He’s bleeding insanely now. Orton goes up but misses a cross body and hits the referee. That used to be his finishing move. I think he made the right move with the change. For some reason Orton is down also despite having the referee to break his fall.

Bischoff comes in to break up the Sweet Chin Music which brings in Austin to beat him up and stun Orton. The two GMs go off for a, shall we say beating, allowing Batista to run in and hit the self named Bomb to put Austin out of the company. In a stunning (oh I slay myself) turn of events, Austin would be back in less than a month and a half. In an odd moment, Austin comes into the ring and checks on Shawn. He pulls HBK up and HBK says I’m sorry.

I guess he doesn’t love Austin though. Austin shakes his hand and they leave together. That was actually a cool moment. I like that they show Shawn respect there as they should and they humanize Austin a bit here. It’s something you don’t often see but it’s very nice. Austin comes back out to his original music and salutes the fans, which again is awesome. They really did try to make this a big deal, but naturally he would be back. I don’t think anyone ever really doubted that.

This really is a cool moment here as Austin looks legitimately upset. I don’t know if he knew he would be back or not, but if he did he deserves a low level acting award. He even says he loves the fans. Since this is a nice moment, Coach comes out singing the goodbye song accompanied by a team of security guards.

Naturally he beats up all five just for old time’s sake. We follow that with a massive beer bash to end this segment that went just long enough. He leaves two beers in the ring, maybe for Owen and Pillman as we fade out.

Rating: A-. I’m just grading the match here. It really was solid with the guys that needed to be gone first being gone first to leave us with the fop four guys in the match (arguably) to end it. That’s how good matches tend to go and they nailed it here. HBK looked great in this all match long and the story was there for him. It worked very well and was an excellent match. I’m not wild on the ending, but at least it fit the match, so I can’t really complain there.

Buy this book that claims to be a shoot without calling it that!

Cole and Tazz talk about the irony that both McMahon and Austin could have their careers ended tonight. We’ll ignore that Austin hadn’t wrestled in seven months and Vince never was a real wrestler. It is cool to hear Vince referred to as Austin’s arch nemesis. Tazz has to keep up kayfabe here though by saying that he’s a Smackdown guy and not a Raw guy but he is going to miss Austin anyway. That was just pointless.

Recap of Vince vs. Taker, which could have been done much better. Taker is at the very tail end of being the American with this being his last night in the character. Vince, as Brock’s ally, had helped him keep the title from Taker at No Mercy as for some reason he was afraid of Taker being champion. Taker had won a match on Smackdown where he could pick any match he wanted for Survivor Series.

Taker picked Buried Alive which had Vince very happy because he thought Taker meant against Brock for the belt, but Taker meant Vince, which was WAY cooler than I described. Taker, living up to his moniker of the conscious of the company, says that the day comes where you have to pay for your sins, even if your name is Vince McMahon. That’s actually a cool line. Tazz actually has key points to the match and a graphic to display them.

I’ve never seen that on a WWE show before. His keys are submissions, home field advantage and match experience, which make sense, or you could just say the most simple one: he’s the freaking Undertaker so he’s going to kill Vince. Oh those were just Taker’s keys. Vince’s are be mentally stable, be confident, and the third one which made me laugh: AVOID THE HOLE! You know I’ve been told that many times but people just keep coming back. I’ve never gotten that.

If Tazz did these for every big match his value would go WAY up. They were clichés, but they’re what an analyst is supposed to do. He offered his insights as an expert in the field (expert as in he’s a former wrestler and therefore likely knows a lot more than 99% of the viewers which is true) and while they were really self explanatory, they made him seem far more professional. I like that as it’s something no one ever does.

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

As I said, this is a Buried Alive match which Taker has been in all of I believe. The announcer goes through the rules of the match and once the bell rings announces again that it’s a Buried Alive match. Good to know that they’re covering us in case we forgot in the past 3 seconds or so. Apparently Vince has been talking about a higher power. Wasn’t he the higher power? So does that mean there’s a higher power to the higher power?

Would that make him the really higher power? Cole complains that it’s stupid to think there’s a higher power protecting Vince. Well that’s a little stupid to say. After about two punches Vince is gushing blood. That’s insanely fast time for a blade. Oh man there’s blood just dripping all over the place. That’s awesome. Or maybe it’s sick. I’m not sure but it looks great. Vince has had zero offense as you would expect.

With Vince bleeding all over, Taker beats on his knee. I don’t know how to make fun of that because it just makes zero sense here. The knee is something you work on when you need to keep them down. It’s just so out of place here that it makes no sense at all. We hit the table for awhile because we’re on PPV. Vince threatened to have Taker’s wife Sara raped and his home torched, because you know, that’s perfectly normal.

They also mentioned that Taker had kids, which is an odd choice indeed. Does Kane come babysit and teach them how to start fires using just your hands and a production assistant? Vince gets killed by a monitor shot to the head. That looked painful. This is just a beating by Taker as Vince has had zero offense and we’re about five minutes in. The fans are liking it somewhat though.

Perhaps in an effort to give Vince a chance to breathe, Taker goes to the grave and gets a shovel which naturally slams into Vince’s head. Cole says he’s a bloody mess formerly known as Vince McMahon. Did he get a name change that I missed? I’m fairly certain that’s still Vince McMahon.

With Vince dead, Taker tries to hurt his leg again. I really just don’t get this. What’s the point to working over a limb now? I know I complain about a lack of psychology a lot of the time but this is too much psychology.

Taker takes (oh shut up) him to the grave where Vince gets a three move combination of throwing dirt in Taker’s eyes, a low blow and a shovel shot somewhere near the chest/shoulder which naturally is called the skull. As I’m writing this I looked up at the review and realized it’s rather short, but there’s just nothing to really say here. It’s a beating of epic proportions with Vince literally having no offense or even defense until those three things.

Anyway, the shovel shot actually knocks Taker into the grave as only in wrestling can you get your face beaten for seven and a half minutes to hit one shot to tie things up and then take the lead. Taker of course pops out of the hole and casually pulls Vince in. He’s favoring his right arm which I think might be legit. Anyway he goes to open the door to the dump truck or whatever it’s called and an explosion goes off.

Looking at Taker’s elbow, he’s either cut REALLY bad on it from something or it’s from Vince’s head. Not sure which, but Kane comes out of the machine and knocks Taker into the hole and pulls Vince out. That’s a teaming that other than a short run in 98 never has been together that I recall. Vince gets in the machine as Cole says Taker is unconscious, despite being clearly awake after the explosion and when he was getting punched by Kane but why am I trying to make sense of this?

Tazz of course brings up that it makes no sense as Kane is a Raw guy. Ok, give me a break already. Are we really supposed to believe that Kane is just a random guy that has no history with Taker at all? It was one of the biggest and best feuds of the Attitude Era but it means nothing at all now because of the Brand Split? Yeah Tazz, keep trying to convince me of that. Vince buries him and for some reason this is STUNNING.

You know, since he’s only been buried what, three times now? Come on Cole give us a tiny bit of credit here. I love how just after it Cole recaps the match in about four seconds. This was the end of the American character as Taker would return at Mania as the Deadman to fight Kane in a glorified squash.

Rating: D. This is going to go one of two ways for a lot of people. About 90% of this is literally just Taker beating up Vince. If you like that, this is the greatest match of all time. The problem is it just gets boring after awhile, and the leg stuff makes less than zero sense.

I don’t think the plot about Kane was ever actually explained as it really was just kind of assumed that it made sense. Now to be fair it did, but a little explanation would be nice. Granted it’s Kane so the explanation wouldn’t have made sense anyway.

Following what should have closed the show, we recap HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH had ducked him for a few months, more or less cheating to keep the belt and when they finally had their match Goldberg took the title. HHH stole another storyline from Harley Race by offering a bounty to anyone that took him out. Batista cashed in as he returned from an injury and rejoined Evolution. He shattered Goldberg’s ankle which didn’t actually take him out because he’s still fighting tonight.

HHH asks Goldberg if Goldberg is getting nervous being champion yet. I love how WCW is forgotten more and more every day. We of course get a video of this set to the awful theme song for this show: Build a Bridge by Limp Bizkit. Where do they pick these songs from? Rarely do they make any sense in connection to the show.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

In a stat that blows my mind still, as of this show HHH has never won at Survivor Series. Hey, while we’re not talking about anything like the main event or something important, I’d like to take the time to say BUY ARMAGEDDON! Ross continues doing a good job by pointing out how often the title changes hands. I don’t get why they tried to change Goldberg. His music and tights are different.

Why? He was as simple of a concept as you could have and Vince messed it up. That’s just hard to do, but naturally since he’s from WCW he had to be changed. HHH is wearing shorts here because of a groin injury. Goldberg hits a spear on HHH before the bell and is walking around more or less fine despite having his ankle taped up.

In one of the dumbest spots I’ve ever seen, Goldberg takes him up in a gorilla press and after holding a 260lb man in the air for a few seconds only hurts his ankle when he turns him over. Come on now people, give us some credit for intelligence. They go to the floor with HHH working the ankle by putting it on the steps and slamming a chair onto it. Somehow the referee misses the sound that reverberates through the arena, but whatever.

I’m just trying to get to the end of this as so many HHH matches from this era were just flat out awful that there’s really no point in trying to make them work. Flair is drenched in sweat for some reason. I think that reason might be the fact that he’s Ric Flair.

He chokes Goldberg in that way that looks like he’s having a seizure and looks ridiculous, but to be fair most of what Flair did at this point look ridiculous. To say this match is boring is an insult to boring matches. There’s just nothing of note here. It’s HHH working on Goldberg’s leg and nothing more.

He hit one spear and a slam and other than that it’s been all HHH. We saw more or less a squash in the previous match. Why repeat the same formula in back to back matches? Oh look a half crab because what we really need here is an homage to Lance Storm. Actually that sounds far better than this. Oh wait Goldberg pulled HHH into the post. This could get…HHH no sold it of course.

Back in the ring, Goldberg does something that’s supposed to be a shoulder block I think, showing that true mastery of the finer points of wrestling that he possesses. The referee goes down because it’s a main event match and HHH gets some brass knucks from Flair. There’s no referee though, which seems to be way too big of a tradition at these shows. The kickout got ZERO reaction. I was surprised at that.

I would have thought they would have gotten at least something but there was nothing at all there. Sledgehammer is brought in of course and Goldberg gets the advantage. Flair is slammed off the top to continue a tradition and here comes Batista and Orton. Naturally the champion fights them all off and counters a Pedigree. We need tougher referees. These guys are out for hours off of a single shot. Get Crash Holly or someone like that.

He has the hammer but throws it away because his spear is more effective apparently. The standard two move combination ends this mess as my head is shaking. So let me get this straight. We have the best stable in about five years out there with more world titles between them than I can count, yet GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG (I had to do it once) is able to hold them all off.

Ok, you know what, I can actually believe that. Flair is washed up, HHH is in the match and Orton and Batista tried to fight him when he had a sledgehammer. I can go with that I suppose. But wait, Goldberg HAS A FREAKING BROKEN ANKLE! Just how ridiculous does that sound to you? He shouldn’t be able to walk yet he can fight off all four of them? Give me a break. On top of that, the referee didn’t notice them in the ring in that whole time? And people wonder why this era is considered horrible.

Rating: D-. This was just bad. Goldberg did all of five moves (therefore he’s still better than Cena) and keeps the belt with a broken ankle and fighting off Evolution. How in the world am I supposed to buy any of them, especially HHH, as credible ever again? He would win the title the next month in a triple threat involving Kane, which is just stupid as well. Whatever, at least this show is over.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m being very generous with that grade. This show just wasn’t all that great. It’s more or less just there. I mean the Austin and Bischoff match is by far and away the best on the show and the other Survivor Series match wasn’t that bad, but the rest of the show just doesn’t work that well. Taker’s gimmick change is of course huge, but the match wasn’t interesting at all. The main event was HORRIBLE.

I just wanted to end the show and that’s never good. You have some decent stuff here, but this show is the epitome of forgettable. Taker losing was big but the real impact wouldn’t be seen for about six months. This is like a preview for the upcoming year, which makes me wonder why this is considered a big show. Watch Austin and Bischoff’s match, but other than that this isn’t worth your time.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Smackdown – November 8, 2019: We’re In England

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 8, 2019
Location: MEN Arena, Manchester England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s an interesting week here as we are over in the United Kingdom (or in Manchester, New Hampshire if you believe WWE.com) for a taped show because WWE hasn’t gone all over the world enough just yet. That means things could get interesting as we see the matches that were supposed to take place last week before everything went nuts. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s NXT invasion.

Opening sequence.

It’s the standard pre-FOX set, with the basic stage and Union Jack flags on the side.

Here’s King Corbin to open things up. He isn’t happy with the NXT invasion from last week but that’s all over now that they’re here. That brings him to Roman Reigns, who he certainly respects. Reigns has main evented four Wrestlemanias and even came back from leukemia in less than a year. I mean, who does that? But what has Reigns done lately? Now Reigns is a family man who spends time making appearances with children.

It’s like the Big Dog now has some little marbles and sounds like a chihuahua. Corbin shows us a computerized dog head on screen with a high pitched bark. So Corbin went through the time, effort and perhaps money to have that made just for the sake of that ten second visual? There’s no Reigns though because he isn’t here yet but he’ll be here tonight for the main event. Then the fans can get out their dog scoop bags to take care of Reigns. Corbin has such a bag with him because THEY GOT IN THAT PROMO DEAN AMBROSE TALKED ABOUT.

New Day is ready to win the Tag Team Titles because they have to keep up with Charlotte. This one is for Xavier Woods.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Revival

Revival is defending. Kofi rolls Dawson up for some early near falls and it’s off to Big E. to go after Wilder’s knee. The referee has to check on Wilder and we take an early break. Back with Big E. hitting a belly to belly on Wilder, whose knee is just fine. Kofi comes back in for the dropkicks and the big dive onto both champs. Back in and Dawson avoids Trouble in Paradise, leaving Kofi to get two off the SOS to Wilder.

Big E.’s Rock Bottom out of the corner is broken up and it’s a double hanging DDT to Big E. for no cover. A middle rope uppercut/German suplex combination gives Wilder two but the Shatter Machine is broken up. Dawson gets sent outside and Big E. holds Wilder up for Trouble in Paradise for the pin and the titles at 8:30.

Rating: C+. Well so much for Kofi’s post title loss depression. I’m not sure how much sense it makes to go back to that but if Kofi needs another line on his already Hall of Fame resume, so be it. At this rate he’s already a two time Hall of Famer so it’s hardly a stretch to have him win another title. The match was the usual entertaining stuff between these two.

Sami Zayn comes up to Daniel Bryan in the back and suggests that if Bryan had joined up with he and Shinsuke Nakamura, Bryan would be the new NXT Champion. They need to stick together and Sami should could watch Nakamura’s tag match later and see what can be done.

Heavy Machinery comes out for a match but Imperium jumps them. Some Smackdown guys run out for the save.

Shinsuke Nakamura/Cesaro vs. Ali/Shorty G.

My money is on Da Ali G Show. Bryan comes out to watch as Gable grabs the armbar over the ropes to put Nakamura in early trouble. Cesaro comes in to throw Gable into the corner though, only to have Gable Victory roll his way over to Ali. The big tornado DDT drops Cesaro and everything breaks down.

Gable belly to belly suplexes Nakamura to the floor, followed by Gable and Cesaro joining them. Ali dives onto Cesaro and it’s Gable grabbing the ankle lock. That’s broken up and Nakamura hits Ali with the reverse exploder. Kinshasa is blocked with the superkick but Cesaro sends Gable outside. Now Kinshasa can connect to finish Ali at 4:08.

Rating: C+. They packed a lot of stuff into a short match but it was entertaining. What matters here is the Sami stuff with Bryan, as the attempted manipulation is strong, even if it isn’t likely to work. That makes for a good story as you can see what is going on and there is a possibility that it could work. Not knowing where it is going (though one result is pretty heavily favored) makes it more interesting.

Sasha Banks vs. Nikki Cross

Bayley is on commentary. Banks has a remixed version of her theme song, including some vocals from Snoop Dogg. Cross gets sent into the corner for some early choking to start, followed by more choking on the ropes. The fans sing to Bayley as Cross starts the comeback with some armdrags. Cross goes after Bayley instead though and grabs the headset to shout something I couldn’t understand.

Banks uses the distraction to get in a cheap shot, only to be small packaged for two. Back with Cross fighting out of trouble and hitting a tornado DDT for a double knockdown. Cross’ crossbody misses but she stays out of the Bank Statement. That works for all of a few seconds before Banks locks it in for the tap at 8:39.

Rating: C-. They’ve done a nice job of trying to make Cross into a thing but she hasn’t won anything of note on her own. Having her lose over and over again isn’t a recipe for success but WWE doesn’t seem to see it that way. Granted she has already been more successful than I would have bet on for the main roster, though there seems to be more potential there.

Post match Bayley jumps Cross but Shayna Baszler runs in and lays Bayley out.

Sami tries to convince Bryan to not do the YES Movement again. The lights go out and the Fiend appears for the Mandible Claw on Bryan as Sami runs away.

We look at Tyson Fury defeating Braun Strowman at Crown Jewel.

Here’s hometown boy Tyson Fury to fire up the crown. He has been around the world and fought everywhere, including last week in Saudi Arabia. That brings him to Braun Strowman, who he wants to see right here in front of him. Cue Strowman, with Fury praising him for a great fight and offering a handshake. They shake hands and Fury says they should be a tag team. Strowman likes the idea but doesn’t think anyone is crazy enough to face them. Cue the B Team, with Dallas saying the B stands for fearless. The beatdown doesn’t take long with Strowman running them over and Fury hitting a right hand.

Fire & Desire vs. Carmella/Dana Brooke

The winners are two of the five entrants on the Smackdown women’s Survivor Series team, joining Sasha Banks. Sonya throws Carmella around to start as we hear that it’s going to be a three team, fifteen woman Survivor Series match. Mandy and Carmella come in with the latter getting stomped in the corner.

The beatdown continues until Carmella runs over and makes the hot tag off to Dana. A lot of screaming ensues with Dana’s cartwheel moonsault getting two. Carmella superkicks Mandy and throws Sonya to the floor so Dana can flip over her. A dropkick into the steps sets up the Swanton to give Dana the pin on Sonya at 4:00.

Rating: D+. As one of the four people in the world who watches Main Event, Dana has grown on me quite a bit over the last year. No she is not great or even very good, but she has improved a lot and looks like she is trying every time she is out there. It’s not her fault that she went from signing to start training in 2013 and was on the main roster less than three years later. She’s slowly getting better, but unfortunately we’ve spent three years laughing at her because she was thrown into the deep end before she could wade into the water.

Roman Reigns vs. King Corbin

Reigns jumps him before the bell and hits a clothesline to the floor. After a quick beating, it’s Corbin coming back inside and hammering away. Reigns hits a big boot but here are Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler to go after Reigns, because he’s lost the locker room or something. Corbin catches Reigns with Deep Six back inside and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler getting in another cheap shot so Corbin can send Reigns into the barricade. They get back in and slug it out until Corbin hits a chokeslam. Corbin misses a shot off the top though and Reigns hits a running clothesline for two. Ziggler and Roode come in again though and the distraction lets Corbin hit End of Days for the pin at 9:27.

Rating: D+. This really missed for me as Corbin vs. Reigns is boring enough on its own, and then we have Roode and Ziggler, who shouldn’t like Reigns in the first place, attacking him because….he took time off for cancer? It feels like it could be the start of Reigns’ big road to redemption, because that’s a story WWE loves to do. It isn’t the worst thing they could go with, but please find a more interesting way to go about doing so.

Overall Rating: D+. The first half was pretty good but it was downhill in a hurry with the Corbin stuff not doing it any favors. This felt really out of place after last week with Imperium and Baszler being the only invaders, and Imperium is more of a different thing than last week. The previous show felt important and interesting while this one felt like a standard “we’re in England” show. It’s the curse of the schedule again, as I’m assuming they didn’t want to bring all the NXT people over and therefore we have to wait a week to get back to what was a hot angle. We got one week out of it, but WWE fumbled it. Again.

Results

New Day b. Revival – Trouble in Paradise to Dawson

Shinsuke Nakamura/Cesaro b. Ali/Shorty G – Kinshasa to Ali

Sasha Banks b. Nikki Cross – Bank Statement

Carmella/Dana Brooke b. Fire & Desire – Swanton to Deville

King Corbin b. Roman Reigns – End of Days

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (2015 Redo): The Garden Brings It Out

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

For those of you who have read my old reviews of this show, you might remember that the main event has sent me into various rantings and ravings over the years. It might have ticked me off more than any match ever at one point, though it’s since been topped multiple times. I’m kind of curious to see how I react to it this time around so let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Big Show vs. Lesnar, which is built around the idea that Lesnar is banged up and can’t throw Big Show around like he can with everyone else. The Elimination Chamber actually takes second billing here.

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Elimination tables match and that would still be Bubba and Spike. The villains are quickly sent outside with Spike being thrown at the Samoans. He’s easily caught and 3 Minute Warning is nice enough to stand there while Bubba drops down for Poetry in Motion from Jeff. Back in and Jamal takes a hurricanrana out of the corner, followed by Jeff playing D-Von in What’s Up.

The first table is set up in the corner and Jeff is backdropped over the top for one heck of a crash. Rosey drives himself through a table (not an elimination) but stands up, allowing Jeff to hit a high crossbody….which just bounces off the big man. The Dudley Dog is countered and Spike is tossed through a table for the first elimination. Bubba and Jeff fight back but can’t get around the monsters.

Rosey takes Jeff outside and loads up a table but Bubba makes the save. A few forearms to the back allow Jeff to climb onto an exit tunnel for the Swanton to get rid of Rosey. Back in and Rico loads Bubba onto a table before setting up a moonsault. In a fairly infamous moment, there’s no Jeff to make the save so Rico stands there for about ten seconds and even Bubba can be seen looking around for Jeff. Rico very clearly shouts “COME ON JEFF” before Hardy crotches him for the save.

Jamal moves the table so Rico only has to take a regular belly to back superplex. That’s so much better you see. Jeff takes Jamal to the floor and tries to run the barricade (as in he climbs onto it and then runs instead of a running jump and then running across) but falls anyway, sending himself head first through a table. That would be twice in a week that he’s blown that spot and for some reason I don’t picture him being punished anytime soon. Thankfully Jamal hits one heck of a top rope splash to put Jeff through a table to get us down to 2-1.

Ever the genius, Jamal tries a hurricanrana with a table right behind him. After the most obvious powerbomb this side of an Undertaker match, we’re down to Bubba vs. Rico. 3 Minute Warning comes back in to beat on Bubba but D-Von comes out to FINALLY reunite with his brother to one heck of a reaction. A quick 3D puts Rico through a table for the win.

Rating: C+. They really didn’t have another option here as the Dudleys belong together. It would take about twelve years before Bubba was able to strike out on his own and even that only kind of worked. The tag division is dying for some better talent and while not the freshest thing in the world, the Dudleys are certainly better than most other options.

The rest of the match was entertaining but my goodness Jeff was embarrassing out there. He can barely do any of his signature stuff without messing something up anymore and yet he’s still out there every single week doing the same spots over and over. Get him some help already before this becomes an even bigger problem than it already is.

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Kidman is challenging after defeating Noble twice in the last two weeks. Noble tries a rollup for the fast pin before stomping Kidman down to really take over. A neckbreaker sets up a bow and arrow as Nidia is her usual VERY excited self. Jamie dives into a dropkick as the announcers talk about the tables match. A Hoshi Geroshi (or however you spell the fireman’s carry into a backbreaker) gets two on the champ, followed by a good looking placha to the floor.

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Rating: C+. Some selling issues aside, this was a good, back and forth match with both guys looking strong. The problem is the division has fallen into the same pattern it always has: the champion and one challenger comprise the entire thing and that doesn’t exactly have staying power. The match was good though and Kidman winning the title is fine.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit get into it again but Angle insists that they’re amigos. Another long form hug ensues.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and this is a hardcore match. Victoria wastes no time and puller her down by the coat before grabbing a broom. JR asks if she’s going to fly it and suggests Victoria is un-Divaesque. That’s probably an unintentional compliment. A trashcan lid gets knocked into the champ’s face and Victoria sends her into the steps. Victoria sets up a trashcan in the corner (with the hole facing the ring), only to have Trish catapult her hands first into said can (that looked horrible and no camera edit was going to save it).

A kick to the head gives Trish two and one heck of a trashcan lid shot knocks Victoria (and her bloody nose) to the floor. The Chick Kick gets two and a HORRIBLE bulldog out of the corner (Victoria’s head hit Trish’s ribs) is good for the same. Victoria blinds her with a fire extinguisher though and a snap suplex of all things gives us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Botches aside, this is a situation where the energy carries the match. They were beating the heck out of each other and you could feel the intensity. The botches and the ending really hold it down but it’s still one of the best women’s matches you’ll see around this time. I know there are still some major issues with the women of this era but this was miles ahead of most things you would see from them at this time.

Eric Bischoff is bragging about the Chamber when Big Show comes up. He’s going to prove Eric wrong for trading him.

Paul Heyman is nervous but says Brock needs to put it all behind him. Tonight they’re in MSG and Heyman is going to do whatever it takes to make sure his client leaves as champion.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and the fans are entirely behind him. Brock gets right in his face but gets tossed into the corner. That earns show a double leg takedown and there’s a belly to back suplex on Show. A German suplex follows and Heyman looks nervous. The ref gets bumped but Lesnar belly to bellies Show anyway. Heyman slides in a chair and Brock cracks Show in the head with it, setting up the F5. Another referee comes down but Heyman pulls him out at two. Reality sets in as the chase is on but Show chairs Lesnar in the bad ribs. A chokeslam onto the chair gives Lesnar his first pinfall loss.

Rating: C-. They did everything they could here and thankfully it was really short. Aside from the obvious, I still have a major problem with the story: why did Heyman go through with the screwjob? Lesnar proved him wrong by suplexing and F5ing Big Show but Heyman turned on him anyway. Wouldn’t it make more sense to stick with the more dominant force when you still have Lesnar to protect you? I’d assume it’s because of Heyman and Lesnar’s issues but Heyman has been able to talk Lesnar down before. It’s far from the worst stretch ever but I’m still not sure it makes the most sense.

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

We recap the Smackdown Tag Team Title match. All three teams have traded the titles for over a month now with one classic match after another. The only possible option was a triple threat match and Stephanie McMahon has made it an elimination match for even more fun. This is the real Smackdown main event and they’ve certainly earned that honor with everything they’ve done so far.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Edge and Mysterio are defending and Angle/Benoit still can’t get along. Benoit and Mysterio start things off with Chris going head first into the buckle. Edge, in some shiny tights, comes in to drop Angle with a forearm. It’s back to Rey for a springboard splash on Chavo as they’re tagging very quickly here. Eddie comes in to a very noticeable pop and keeps Rey in trouble with some forearms to the back.

The fast tags continue as Angle comes in and goes shoulder first into the post. He’s still able to knock Rey off the top though and the champs stay in trouble. Benoit stays on Mysterio with some rapid fire suplexes as Los Guerreros are (wisely) content with staying on the floor. The Angle Slam doesn’t work so Kurt clotheslines Rey’s head off for two instead. We hit a long front facelock until Rey fights up for a spinwheel kick to the jaw. That’s enough for the hot tag to Edge as everything breaks down.

Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the floor, leaving Edge to get caught in an ankle lock/Crossface combination. Somehow he doesn’t tap out immediately so it’s Rey making the save, followed by a running corkscrew dive onto Chavo and Angle. Benoit grabs the German suplex on Edge, only to have Eddie come in off the top with a sunset flip to send both guys flying. Everyone gets up so Benoit sends Eddie outside, followed by the rolling German suplexes on Edge. Those things always look great.

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

We settle down to Eddie grabbing a sleeper on Edge, followed by a front facelock in case that’s too intense for you. Edge flapjacks both Guerreros and brings Rey back in as this isn’t exactly the break neck pace you would expect. Everything breaks down again and the pop up hurricanrana gets two on Eddie. That would look to set up the West Coast Pop but Chavo gets in a belt shot, knocking Rey into the Lasso From El Paso for the submission and the titles.

Rating: B. This wasn’t as good as I remember but I think that’s because I just recently watched all the TV matches, which were almost all better. This had too much to live up to and there’s only so much you can do when you’re asked to go out and have a masterpiece. The belt shots didn’t do much to help either as they’re hardly anything interesting and you expect more from these guys.

It’s still a good match and the best thing on the show by far though and it deserves a bit more than just criticism. Some of the sequences were excellent and showed some creativity, along with Benoit and Angle suplexing everything in sight. If this was one of the matches that took place on TV, it would be considered a classic. Some more time would have helped as well.

Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say he’s smarter than the rest of the crowd. After some lame New York Yankees jokes, Matt Hardy (who keeps the temperature at a toasty 75 degrees and only drinks low fat chocolate milk) comes out to say this place is sucking the Mattitude out of him. The payoff is Scott Steiner, who shows up and destroys both guys because we haven’t seen Matt get beaten up recently.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Long video on the Elimination Chamber which doesn’t really tell us anything. Granted that’s because there isn’t a story here. Basically Bischoff wanted to top Stephanie’s pay per view and invented the Chamber. They’ve made no secret of the fact that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.

HHH says he’s gone through everyone so he’ll go through everyone tonight too.

Bischoff comes out to walk through the Chamber and explain the rules. This time really couldn’t have gone to the Tag Team Title match? Just put it on a graphic or something…..which they do while Bischoff is still talking.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

HHH is defending. Saliva, at the World, plays Jericho’s music for a cool bit. As the entrances go on forever, it occurs to me how much Shawn’s hair looks like AJ Styles’ soccer mom look. HHH and Van Dam start things off with Rob going straight to the kicks. A backdrop puts HHH onto the steel floor and he hits the cage wall three times in a row. The champ is busted open and Van Dam monkey flips him onto the cage again.

Rolling Thunder over the top makes things even worse as it’s all Van Dam so far. Rob climbs up on top of Jericho’s chamber and gets his legs pulled down into it. Somehow that’s still not enough for HHH to do anything as Rob flips down onto HHH. See? He’s giving Van Dam a rub right now!

Jericho is in third but gets kicked down almost immediately as Rob stays on a roll. In your first ever Chamber highlight reel moment, Jericho catapults Van Dam at the cage wall and Rob just hangs onto it instead of crashing. HHH gets back up and knees Van Dam in the head, meaning it’s time for the double teaming to begin. Rob kicks them both down again and it’s Booker T in fourth to even things up, despite Van Dam doing just fine on his own.

Jericho and HHH are sent to the floor so we can get a Spinarooni, followed by a slugout with Van Dam. The good guys clean house again and it’s HHH getting knocked down, allowing Rob to climb an individual chamber. That means a Five Star, with his knee going right into HHH’s throat which put him out of action for a few weeks. Van Dam seems to have hurt his knee as well, allowing Booker to eliminate him with a missile dropkick. HHH can barely move so here’s Kane to get us back to four.

Jericho is launched through the bulletproof (yes bulletproof) glass to draw some more blood. Chris is fine enough to hit Booker low, followed by a chokeslam and the Lionsault to get rid of Booker. Now that the two guys who have been more over than the entire roster for the last three months are gone, let’s get on with the REAL entertainment.

Jericho and Kane slowly fight until HHH is slammed off the top. Shawn, looking like he’s wrestled one match in four and a half years and in hideous brown tights for some reason, comes in and gets to clean house for a bit. Kane chokeslams everyone but eats a superkick, Pedigree and Lionsault to get us down to three. Jericho and HHH team up on Shawn with HHH rubbing his head against the steel to bust Shawn open. A ram into the wall gives Shawn an opening and he forearms HHH, only to get bulldogged down.

The Lionsault gets two and Jericho is so frustrated that he gets caught in the Walls. HHH makes the save with a DDT but gets in a fight with Jericho over who can pin Shawn. Jericho grabs the Walls on HHH but gets superkicked for the elimination. As anyone paying attention expected, we’re down to HHH vs. Shawn with a spinebuster going straight for the bad back.

Shawn gets thrown through the glass as we really crank up the emotions. The slow beating continues with Shawn being thrown outside again, only to catapult HHH into the wall. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets no cover and HHH grabs the Pedigree for a delayed two. Another Pedigree attempt is countered and Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the pin and the title.

Rating: B. I’m still not sure what to think of this match. Above all else, it’s long, far longer than it needed to be. The Chamber itself did help and was interesting to see but they need to tweak things a bit (lower the time to four minutes or so). It’s still good but there’s the other problem that it’s kind of hard to overcome: the whole thing felt like a big waste of time until we got to the ending.

That ending of course is Shawn vs. HHH and they might as well have just put up a big clock counting down until we got there. No one else mattered in this match and WWE did nothing to hide it. That makes for an ending similar to Wrestlemania XXXII with Roman Reigns vs. HHH: there’s no drama and it makes for a boring match because you’re just waiting to get to the part that matters.

While I still have issues about guys like Booker, Kane, Van Dam and Jericho being treated as second class citizens so HHH and Shawn can do it one more time (as in the second one more time), it’s not as bad as it once was. After watching the TV shows building up to this, it’s not like this was exactly shocking and the four of them were hardly made to look like real threats to take the title. That doesn’t make it any better but it does make things a bit easier to take.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is pretty much all over the place with good action (there really isn’t a bad match on the card) but sweet goodness some of the choices make your head spin. We really are watching a show in 2002 where Big Show and Shawn Michaels walked out with the World Titles. On top of that we had a less than mind blowing Tag Team Title match which was probably the highlight.

The big problem is that aside from the Chamber itself debuting, there really isn’t anything on here that feels big. Big Show winning was more groan inducing than anything else and Shawn winning felt like we were seeing the inevitable, though the celebration felt big. There’s nothing on here that’s going to really stick with you and that’s not good as the show is worth seeing for the action alone. Overall it’s good but really not remarkable, which is kind of an odd way to compliment a show.

 

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (2012 Redo): Not Your Traditional Elimination

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Aside from Lesnar, a lot of the roster for this show is the same. However, there are several wrestlers that have debuted for the company but aren’t on the show tonight. Over the summer, Batista, Randy Orton and John Cena all debuted and most of them made a strong impact upon arriving. We’ll be hearing more from them in the future but it’s not their time yet. Let’s get to it.

The intro video is almost all about the Chamber.

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match and it’s Bubba and Spike Dudley instead of D-Von due to the Brand Split. Spike and Bubba got put through the same table on Raw Monday to set this up. 3 Minute Warning (Jamal and Rosey) are two very large Samoans and Rico is their athletic stylist. The Dudleys and Jeff clear the ring to start and Spike is thrown into the arms of the Samoans. It’s Bubba vs. Rico in the ring at the moment, because putting Spike and Jeff against Jamal and Rosey is a great idea right? Bubba chops Rico HARD in the corner before things settle down.

What’s Up hits Jamal and we get to the tagging section of the match before everything breaks down again. Bubba tells Jeff to get the tables but Rosey runs over Bubba after Bubba sets up a table in the corner. A BIG backdrop puts Jeff on the floor and Rosey rams Spike’s head into a table. Rosey misses a charge and drives himself through a table in the corner but that doesn’t count because it wasn’t someone else putting him through.

Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.

Rosey and Jeff go out into the crowd and there’s a table out there with them. Well of course there is. Jeff is put on said table as Bubba gets kicked in the face by Rico. Jamal misses a splash and crushes Rico, allowing Bubba to Bubba Bomb Jamal and go to save Jeff. With Bubba’s help, Jeff goes up to the top of an entrance and hits a BIG Swanton through Rosey through the table to make it 2-2.

Back in the ring Jamal has Bubba on a table ready for a Rico moonsault, but he looks hesitant to launch. He looks over his shoulder and shouts “C’MON JEFF!” before staggering. THEN Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico crotches himself. Not the best response but that’s on Jeff more than Rico. Bubba tries a belly to back superplex through the table but Jamal moves it away. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind to Jamal and follows it with a dropkick.

Hardy goes to the floor to get another table which he throws at Jamal. Jeff tries to run the railing but Jamal throws the table at Jeff, who goes flying through it. That doesn’t count which I can kind of agree with for a change. Jamal puts Jeff on another table and hits a HUGE splash off the top to eliminate Jeff. That looks awesome. Bubba beats on Rico in the ring but Jamal saves his sideburned buddy. Jamal goes up to try a top rope hurricanrana (I guess) on Bubba, only to get caught in a HUGE powerbomb through the table to get us down to one on one.

It’s Rico vs. Bubba with the former pounding away and pulling in another table. Rosey comes back in but Bubba pounds away on him too. Now Jamal is in there too and it’s D-VON to the rescue! He’s on Smackdown at this point so this is a big deal as people really didn’t jump from roster to roster. 3D puts Rico through the table to end this.

Rating: B-. That’s likely high but this was what you want to open a show. It helps a lot that this was a fifteen minute match instead of like six minutes like they are on Raw. This was fun and the pop for the reunion of the Dudleys (which would be permanent) was a feel good moment. Good stuff here and a good choice to open things up, especially in New York City.

Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a mini-concert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.

RVD is stretching before the Chamber.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Jamie (white trash from a trailer park) is defending and has Nidia (Tough Enough winner) with him. Kidman (talented cruiserweight from WCW) grabs two very fast rollups for two each and make that four in the first 30 seconds. Jamie bails to the floor but Kidman throws him right back in. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Kidman gets thrown to the floor and Noble hits a suicide dive. Tazz: “I think Noble has something up his sleeve, but he’s not wearing a shirt so he has no sleeve.”

Back in and Kidman speeds things up with a back elbow and a dropkick followed by an AA into a backbreaker for two. A Falcon’s Arrow gets two for Noble so Kidman loads up a belly to back suplex position but he slams Noble down face first instead. Kidman loads up the Shooting Star but Noble bails to the floor. That’s fine with Billy so he dives on Noble out there to take the champ down again.

Back in and Nidia distracts Kidman but gets knocked off the apron by Kidman. The BK Bomb (Low Down) gets two for Kidman as does a Tiger Bomb for Noble. They go up top and Kidman hits a sitout inverted DDT. That was pretty awesome looking but it only gets two. Noble hits an elevated DDT for two out of the corner so Kidman hits an enziguri to take over again. Billy loads up the Shooting Star but a Nidia distraction….only delays Kidman as he hits the Shooting Star for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. These two got going good and strong at the end which is exactly what you want from a match like this. When you can get into the area of a match where it’s one big move after another and you’re just waiting on one of them to stay down, that’s a great sign. The Shooting Star looked great too. This wasn’t a masterpiece or anything but it was solid.

Angle and Benoit are in the back and Angle is incensed that Kidman could win a title. If he can win, then so can they, as long as Benoit stays out of the captain’s way. Benoit gets in his face but Angle says they should be friends to the end. Benoit offers a handshake but Angle says no way. Angle: “I don’t shake hands! Tag team partners hug!”

Victoria (new Diva) is still psycho here and looking in a mirror. Then she thinks it’s Trish and goes nuts.

We recap Trish vs. Victoria. Victoria is batty and claims that it’s because she and Trish used to work together as fitness models, but Trish slept her way to the top. Tonight it’s about revenge in a hardcore match.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending in a rematch after she beat Victoria last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a hurricanrana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Victoria off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick gets two for Trish and a bulldog gets the same. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish in the face. A followup suplex of all things is enough to give Victoria the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Booker is getting ready.

Bischoff brags about the Chamber for a bit. Big Show comes up and says he’ll show Eric why trading him to Smackdown was a bad idea.

Heyman is worried that Brock can’t beat Big Show. Lesnar has legitimately injured ribs due to Show hurting him at a house show.

We recap Show vs. Lesnar. Lesnar beat Undertaker in the Cell last month, so Show beat up Undertaker to make himself the next challenger. Even Heyman says Brock can’t beat him.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman tosses in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this veteran? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

Show and Heyman immediately bail.

We recap the triple threat Tag Team Title match. Benoit and Angle beat Rey and Edge in the match of the year at No Mercy in a tournament final. The new champions argued over who is team captain and have to work together or they’re suspended. Edge and Mysterio won the titles on Smackdown in 2/3 falls match. Stephanie threw in Los Guerreros because these are the Smackdown Six and you can’t have just four of them together, even though we’ve had that for months. Not that I’m complaining though, because this is going to be AWESOME.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a hurricanrana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and apparently that’s a tag.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked man. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the Canadian who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down.

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Is it any wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this?) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws it to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to hurricanrana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

Christopher Nowitski (a Harvard graduate from Tough Enough) is here to make fun of New York in a really dull promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took nearly eight minutes. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV World Title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.

Shawn Michaels says he believes in himself but we get RNN BREAKING NEWS! It’s Randy Orton, who has a bad shoulder. He says there’s no new damage to his bad shoulder due to an extra pillow on the plane. This was the WAY over the top deal that Orton was doing which first turned him heel. I loved it but it got annoying fast, which is the right idea.

We recap the Elimination Chamber. HHH is the official WORLD CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING but Shawn beat him at Summerslam and wants a rematch. Bischoff wants to top the Cell so here’s his latest idea. The rules are mostly simple: two guys start and there are four more in individual pods. After five minutes there’s a new guy introduced and it’s elimination rules. The winner is world champion. The other four guys are there because they’re the biggest stars on Raw. This video is set to Always again and they’re not even trying to hide that this is mostly about HHH vs. Shawn.

HHH says that he’s awesome and he’ll keep the title.

Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho is a Tag Team Champion with Christian, but the cool part here is that as he comes out, Saliva does his theme song live at WWF New York. HHH is defending of course. Shawn’s tights are….brown. This is one of those decisions that no one ever quite got and he was made fun of extensively for them apparently. I mean…..BROWN? Mankind wore brown for crying out loud. The wide shot of the Chamber really does look cool. Anyway the entrances take a long time and RVD vs. HHH gets us going.

Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to take HHH down but walks into a facebuster. The Pedigree is countered into a backdrop over the top to hit the cage outside the ring. JR’s statements about the Chamber are already nuts as he says it has no soul or conscience. As in the pieces of steel and metal. Anyway, HHH is rammed into the cage over and over to bust him open and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder over the top rope to land on HHH on the cage. There’s a floor made of cage surrounding the ring that is level with the mat if that wasn’t clear.

Van Dam goes up on one of the pods but his flip dive mostly hits the floor instead of HHH. Back in the ring and HHH gets stomped down in the corner as Jericho is added in as the third man. Van Dam immediately kicks him down and it’s five minutes until the next entrant. A cartwheel into a moonsault gets two on Jericho and they head outside the ring as well. In the first famous spot in the Chamber’s history, Van Dam jumps off the top rope, misses Jericho, and grabs onto the cage like Spider-Man before spinning back around to cross body Jericho.

HHH gets back up and hits the knee to the face of Van Dam which gives Jericho a two count. HHH and Jericho double team RVD before Chris tells Shawn to suck it. Van Dam’s back gets rammed into the cage wall some more and Jericho talks a lot of trash. Rob’s back goes into the cage over and over and we head back in to the ring. There’s a spin kick to put Jericho down as Booker T is in fourth.

Booker quickly clears the ring and we get a Spinarooni before Van Dam fights Booker one on one. Booker gets in some shots to Rob but walks into the stepover kick to give Van Dam control again. HHH gets back up and takes Van Dam down, only to get caught by the scissors kick from Booker. The next big spot of the match is Van Dam going up to the top of the pod and hitting the Five Star on HHH, with Van Dam’s knee hitting HHH’s throat, severely (and legitimately) injuring HHH’s windpipe. Since HHH can’t get up right now to eliminate Van Dam, Booker hits a missile dropkick to take Van Dam out.

Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth and goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the bulletproof, yes BULLETPROOF, glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber over the years.

JR says the Chamber has no soul or conscience again just to hammer home the point. Kane chokeslams Booker and Jericho adds the Lionsault to take Booker out and get us down to four guys. A Kane suplex gets two on Jericho as we’re waiting on Shawn to come in. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down ala Flair. Jericho missile dropkicks Kane down and here’s HBK.

HHH is down in the corner of course so Shawn can only beat on Kane and Jericho. There’s the forearm to Kane but no nipup, leaving everyone down at the moment. Kane whips Shawn HARD into the corner where Shawn flips upside down. There’s a chokeslam for all three remaining guys not named Kane but instead of covering, Kane loads up a Tombstone on HHH. Shawn superkicks Kane down but he sits up. The Pedigree and Lionsault finally put Kane out and we’re down to three.

Shawn gets double teamed by HHH and Jericho and it’s time for Chris to dance. A few rams into the cage bust Shawn open. Jericho talks more trash and HHH walks around a lot. Shawn tries to fight back but his piledriver on the cage is countered to backdrop his bad back onto the cage again. There’s the Lionsault….for two.

Shawn comes back with a moonsault press to Jericho for two before putting Jericho in the Walls. HHH finally comes back from getting popcorn or something with a DDT to Shawn. Jericho and HHH finally get in the argument you were expecting and the fight is on. Jericho jumps out of the corner and lands in the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into the Walls. While holding HHH, Shawn kicks Jericho’s head off and it’s down to one on one.

So it’s Shawn, bloodied and injured and in his second match in four years, against an also injured HHH in the main event at Madison Square Garden. The spinebuster puts Shawn down and HHH backdrops him over the top. Shawn sends HHH into the cage but when Shawn tries to Pedigree HHH on the steel, HHH counters into a slingshot through the cage again.

Back in the ring all that gets two and it’s time for the slugout. A facebuster puts Shawn down and it’s another clothesline to put him onto the outside. The Pedigree on the steel is countered into another slingshot into the Chamber wall. Back into the ring and Shawn drops the elbow off the top of the pod. The Superkick is countered into the Pedigree and, say it with me, Shawn kicks out at two. Another Pedigree is countered into a backdrop, followed by the Sweet Chin Music to give Shawn the title.

Rating: D+. I’ve mellowed on this match in the last few years to the point where I’m not mad about it anymore. However, it’s still one of those matches where you look at it and say really. As in REALLY? We’re supposed to buy that Shawn can survive ALL of that and still win the title? You have to keep in mind this isn’t the Shawn who was having the match of the year for like five years running. No one expected him to go on as long as he did. At this point, making it to Wrestlemania would have been impressive.

That’s where this match loses it for me: we’re supposed to buy that Shawn is so great, so amazing, and so tough that he can basically walk off the street and be better than four of the top guys in the business? There comes a point where my suspension of disbelief is cut off and I can’t buy this anymore. We passed that at Summerslam, making this even more ridiculous. This match is also the reason we had to sit through the AWFUL match at Armageddon, where HHH and Shawn got to waste 40 minutes of our time by barely being able to move.

In short, this is way more than I can accept as far as the match being realistic. In wrestling, you have to accept that some stuff is ridiculous. That’s called suspending disbelief. However, there comes a point where that’s not the case any longer. It’s unrealistic in wrestling terms to accept that Shawn can survive all this and win the title. This was pure selfishness from Shawn and HHH, which would get WAY worse in the future. HHH wouldn’t make a new star for over a YEAR when he put Benoit over at Wrestlemania in the same arena.

As for the rest of the match, it’s acceptable, but WAY too long. The Chamber matches need to go about thirty minutes instead of the forty this one went. The last seventeen minutes here, as in the amount of time after Kane is eliminated, are REALLY repetitive and while they had good drama, they needed to be cut. Booker, RVD, Jericho and Kane were all there to fill in spaces and be there for Shawn and HHH to bounce off of. I don’t hate the match, but it really doesn’t work all that well.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show overall is pretty solid actually but the main event is a good sized letdown. The Show/Lesnar stuff I went on about enough, but other than those two things the card is pretty solid. The triple threat tag is good stuff but the No Mercy match is even better. This show is worth checking out, but you won’t be thrilled by the Chamber.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

Redo: B-

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

Redo: B

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B+

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002 (Original): I Got A Little Mad

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well, it’s a completely new company now, with the primary difference being the brand split. Also, HBK is back, having one final match at Summerslam and now another one final match here tonight. Tonight has no Survivor Series matches but we do have the debut of the Elimination Chamber. The other major difference is the reigning WWE (yes E instead of F) Champion Brock Lesnar, who has absolute taken the company and the wrestling world by storm as he won the title at Summerslam.

Rock is now gone off to Hollywood to make I think Rundown. HHH is heel now and is the reigning World Heavyweight Champion. The rest of the card really doesn’t look like much at all. We have a lot of the new guys that would come to define this era now, such as the Guerreros and Mysterio. This is of course most famous for the end of the Elimination Chamber, but maybe the rest is good too. Let’s find out.

First of all, the theme song for this show is Always by Saliva, which is my all time, undisputed favorite song, so I’m already loving this show. As tends to happen with the Brand Split shows, there’s no intro video and we head right into the first match.

Bubba/Spike/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Bubba and Spike come out to another Saliva song, as they might as well just have been the official band of the company at this time. That’s fine with me as I like them. They sucked in concert though, but the tickets were 15 dollars for three bands and they were certainly worth five bucks. Anyway, Bubba and Spike are the Dudleys now as D-Von is a preacher on Smackdown with a deacon named Batista.

Three Minute Warning is more commonly known as Rosie and Jamal, who is more known as Umaga. Rico is the, shall we say, flamboyant guy that just showed up earlier in the year. These guys are fighting for no apparent reason other than they’re a team feuding with another team. Jeff is there…well I doubt he knows why either. Three Minute Warning beat up Jeff and Spike on Raw apparently.

Bubba is wearing a black vest/shirt and camouflage shorts so he looks stupider than usual. As the match starts we get to the high spots as Bubba launches Spike at the big guys but they catch him. Bubba assumes the position and they set up Poetry in Motion for Jeff who is as far in the air as I can ever remember him getting. That looked SWEET. The what’s up hits on I think Jamal as they have to tag in this? I’ll never get the point in having tagging in gimmick matches like these. It just makes no sense.

The point of the match is to put people through tables yet you can get disqualified? Yeah that makes zero sense. Bubba gets a table set up in the corner which gets Spike head rammed into it. Rosey dives at Spike but misses so he goes through it himself, which doesn’t count because he wasn’t put through it by an opponent. We’re already in a spot fest here which is what this should be. I can’t imagine any of them being able to work a long term match so this is the best thing they could have done.

Spike is taken out by a double powerbomb which makes sense as he tends to just suck most of the time anyway. If he wasn’t such a strange character, Rico could have been something special. From what I’ve read he’s a great cop though so that’s a good thing. He had a real job to fall back on which is something I completely respect.

After a brief exchange of power between the faces and the heels, we move out into the crowd. Rico shouting at Jamal to get Bubba makes me chuckle. I love how again they’ve just said screw the tag rules and are going insane after about a minute into the match. All five guys are back together again as JR is all of a sudden stunned that a Hardy and a Dudley are working together.

Jeff climbs way in the air and hits a swanton through Rosey through a table off part of the set. Again, the high spots are making this one work. Everyone but Hardy is back in the ring now. Rico goes for a moonsault but seems hesitant to actually jump. He turns to look at the other side of the ring and clearly can be heard and lip read saying Jeff come on dang it! Oh that’s just great Rico. Naturally Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico goes down about a second later.

That was just completely horrible and inexcusable on Rico’s part. I know Jeff is the one that missed the spot, but there had to be another option. Rico as a heel could act like he has another idea, or he could pretend to slip, or he could pretend to be scared. There’s a ton of other options besides exposing things like he did. The faces start their comeback with Jeff leading the charge. I wouldn’t have believed that he would one day be a three time world champion.

Considering what I’m watching, that’s just weird to type. Jamal puts Jeff through a table but for some reason they say it was Jeff messing up that caused it. Jeff messing up? NO WAY. It’s completely stupid because a second later, Jamal goes to the top and splashes Jeff through the table. Well that was a waste of time but it was a cool looking spot. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that these two would have a rather lengthy feud over the IC Title in the future.

That’s why you pay attention to the midcard and openers: you never know when they might be having decent matches in the future. The splash was sick at least. So we have Bubba against a future IC Champion and the guy that was John Cena’s old tag partner in OVW (talk about two careers that went in opposite directions). Bubba counters a hurricanrana attempt by Jamal into a powerbomb through the table so we have Bubba and Rico. Yeah this isn’t interesting anymore.

Three Minute Warning come back and beat the heck out of Bubba, but D-Von runs out in Dudley gear to reform the team. He beats up both big guys on his own to set up the 3D on Rico to a MASSIVE pop. This was when the Dudleys actually meant something. Bubba, after getting help on a 3D which took awhile to set up, is surprised that D-Von is there. That makes no sense but ok.

Rating: B. From a technical standpoint, this match was crap. However, considering what it was supposed to be, this was great stuff. It was mainly high spots and violence, but that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. The crowd was WAY into the reuniting at the end, so they’re fired up, meaning this match has more than done its job.

You have to consider what kind of a match you’re watching. Not everything is going to be like Savage vs. Steamboat, but a lot aren’t supposed to be. I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make when grading matches and it’s not a fair comparison to make. Considering what this was, it was great.

Stacy is at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York since they couldn’t just call it WWE New York I guess. She looks as amazing as ever, showing off her perfect stomach in a nice blue number. She’s Test’s PR person at this point, meaning she says testicles a lot. She introduces Saliva who sings Always, making this segment awesome. They’re at the club, so that’s a very nice touch.

This is spliced together with short highlight packages of the feuds for this show. Also, the singer, Josey Scott, DESPERATELY needs to grow his hair out again. He has it really short now and it looks horrible. This looks like a decent performance. Why in the world weren’t they this good when I saw them? This song set to the HHH vs. Shawn feud is great for some reason. They’re doing a concert at the club and as they go into Click Click Boom we go back to the arena.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

This was around the time where the belt meant absolutely nothing at all. More or less there would be a challenger of the month and someone would get a big non title winning streak against the champion, which would Noble in this case. Kidman beat him in a non title match of course, because that’s just how things are done. No one cared about the title at all and the way it wasn’t built up at all was living proof of that.

Naturally, this is going to be the match of the night because these guys are going to go nowhere and having no storyline whatsoever other you pin me, I pin you, we get a PPV paycheck because of it. Oh yeah Noble is with his girlfriend Nidia at this point, who was a co-winner of Tough Enough. Both have just terrible music that’s so painfully generic. Tazz says Noble has something up his sleeve, despite him not wearing a shirt, meaning he has no sleeve. That’s not my insight or joke.

Those are the exact words he said. Amazing. The crowd is deader than Noble’s career at this point. Kidman goes for the shooting star (Both Bourne’s and Lesnar’s are better. I don’t mean the botched Mania one, but the one in OVW. Go look it up. It’s RIDICULOUS. He just jumps into the air and hits it halfway across the ring. It’s one of the truly mindblowing moments in wrestling history), but Nidia pulls him out.

Shockingly, once the match picks up, the crowd is alive. All of a sudden this is good. Kidman hits a forward DDT off the top rope but somehow only gets a two. Since Noble is the champion he has to respond. So he sets Kidman on the top rope for a spike DDT. Think of the thing Orton does when he puts someone’s feet on the middle rope and DDTs them, but a rope higher and a shorter guy so it’s at an even sharper angle. DANG my mouth just fell open.

That looked awesome and it got a great reaction. Naturally it should cripple him so it gets a two and within fifteen seconds Kidman is back in control. And you wonder why these guys get criticized. After a brief comeback, Kidman hits the shooting star for the title. Well that was abrupt to say the least. I really hate Kidman’s bad rap music.

Rating: C+. Well the beginning flat out sucked. After about two minutes though, they just went at it and it got good. The lack of pins when they should have happened hurt things a bit though, or at least Kidman being in control after a sick DDT fifteen seconds later is just stupid, but other than that, this was fine. It’s not great, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Benoit and Angle argue over who the captain is. Benoit is breaking the rule of wearing your own brand’s shirt means jobber. Angle has reached baldness at this point. After they stop arguing, Benoit sticks out his hand, but Angle hugs him. The look on Benoit’s face is breathtakingly funny.

Jericho, rocking a three inch minimum beard, is getting ready. We’ve seen RVD do this earlier in the night.

Crazy Victoria gets in an argument with her mirror that she shatters. Victoria as a psycho is one of the sexiest gimmicks of all time, hands down. King and Ross debate this as Always plays so this is great again. We recap Trish vs. Victoria which is something about Victoria being held back by Trish, with part of the package being set to a rip off of the Psycho theme. How awesome is that?

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

This is hardcore rules. Sadly Victoria just has generic rock music here instead of All The Things She Said, which fit her so well. They really were nailing music around this time. How did they mess that up later on? Trish’s music just plain works. This might as well just be billed as hotness in a ring as Trish is of course gorgeous and I’ve always had a thing for Victoria. I think it’s the jet black straight hair, but that’s just me I guess.

They fight with a broom and for some reason I feel like I’m watching some kind of screwed up ballet or interpretive dance thing. It’s just odd indeed. Lawler implies that Victoria is ugly. What the heck? I mean, yeah Trish is likely prettier but that’s like saying Ted Turner isn’t rich compared to Warren Buffet. Turner is hardly a poor man. Granted he probably got close with how much WCW lost but whatever.

There are people walking in front of the entrance which is again across from the cameras and it’s rather distracting. Let’s fight over an ironing board because there’s nothing weird about having one of those in a match at all. The “ugly” diva is bleeding from her nose. How in the world is she supposed to be ugly? She’s GORGEOUS. Heck I’d even say she’s a knockout. That was dangerously close to being clever. Trish gets a kick to Victoria’s chest.

Since no one noticed that the kick missed apparently, Trish just does it again which looks stupid as it makes you think that something was wrong with the first one. For some reason the way JR is talking about the women using things on each other makes me think I’m watching something rather different. Actually that’s not a bad idea. Victoria wins out of absolutely nowhere with a snap suplex. That again just came out of freaking nowhere. More Victoria bashing as she leaves which is just stupid.

Rating: C-. This was…different. It was ok but it just wasn’t what these two likely should have been in. I get the hardcore aspect given Victoria’s character, but this never had the right feeling to it for me. It wasn’t bad, but it just didn’t feel right if that makes sense. They looked good, but just not in the right place. I have no idea what I meant by that so don’t bother asking.

Booker is getting ready as we hear more Always.

Bischoff is talking about something when Big Show comes in and says he’ll be sorry for trading him. Why? For winning a title on another show? How does that prove anything? Whatever.

Brock (who gets a pop) and Heyman are in the back also, with Heyman being nervous. Brock has a broken rib (more on that later) which explains the nervousness.

We recap the feud with Brock and Show, which doesn’t really exist. Brock had won a feud against Taker and Show beat up Taker, which somehow got him a title shot. The idea is simple: Show is too big for Brock to throw around like he has done to everyone else.

On Smackdown, Brock had called out Show and beat the living tar out of him with a chair. The chair actually looks tiny between these two, despite Brock not being incredibly tall (6’2). Heyman and Brock had been showing signs of tension, more or less giving away the ending to this match already.

WWE Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Show’s stupid outfit of choice around this time was the singlet top and long black pants. Not tights mind you, but pants. And people wonder why this guy is criticized like no other main eventer ever. Show has some arm injury or something. Crowd pops like a coconut for Brock. He’s more or less a face already at this point so we were just waiting for Heyman to screw him over.

With Brock it’s a classic case of someone that’s supposed to be a heel but is just such a freak that he gets wildly over anyway. The crowd is completely for Lesnar here with a big chant for him starting about eight seconds into the match. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s pro Brock or anti-Show. Big Show is probably at the worst stage of his career here as he just completely and utterly sucked.

No one, I repeat no one, wanted to see him here to do anything but make Brock look awesome, and that’s why he’s here. Think about it: what better way to make Lesnar look great other than to have him throw around the biggest guy in the company? Show starts off with his standard offensive strategy of “let’s do as little as possible but try to make it seem like I’m doing a lot because I’m so freaking fat.”

Naturally, it doesn’t work as Brock just spears the heck out of him. Shame he didn’t do that more often with the Vikings. Show just looks idiotic dressed the way he is. It looks like he’s getting dressed for his job as an accountant or something like that. When Vince wrestles dressed like that, it looks fine because he’s not a pro wrestler and more or less is just a street fighter in a wrestling ring. Show is a multi time world champion. See why that’s stupid?

Lesnar actually gets a decent belly to back. I say decent because it sucked but Big Show is more or less dead weight because he’s spent three minutes in. Lesnar makes up for it with a German. That was nice. My goodness Show is horrible. I mean seriously, all he’s doing are forearms, bad punches and weak kicks. Brock is legit hurt here and is doing 99% of the work, mainly because Show is spent.

Following a ref bump, Lesnar gets a fine (given the circumstances) overhead belly to belly on Show. This guy is legit scary. Despite his client kicking Show’s face all over the Garden, Heyman throws in a chair and you can see it coming a mile away. Show is back up and breathing in enough air to suffocate the first nine rows. Brock gets his chair shot punched and more or less says boy please by cracking Show over the head and F5ing him, in something that just blows my mind completely.

He’s legitimately hurt, and he pulls that off. I mean just DANG. Here’s your other referee, and here’s your Heyman heel (I guess) turn to go with it. Cole’s commentary is bad to put it mildly. The look on Brock’s face is scary. I mean really scary. He chases Heyman but gets nailed with the chair and chokeslammed on it, and Show wins the title as the fans are mad. I don’t mean mad because the heel won, but mad in the sense of who freaking booked this because we want them shot.

This was less than four and a half minutes, actually making it one of the shortest world title matches where the title changed hands in history. Heyman and Show embrace as Show looks stupider than usual somehow. Cole saying that it’s surprising because Lesnar and Heyman have been together since Brock got there. That’s about seven months if you’re counting. The heels run to their waiting limo and leave naturally as we get the second replay of this.

Rating: D-. This is a tale of two ratings here. Lesnar gets a pass in every sense of the word here. I mentioned the ribs being a point of interest. They were injured by Show at a house show because he wasn’t safe in the ring at this point. Lesnar was supposed to go over Show here but because of the injury, the Big Show of all people gets the belt. I’ve never seen a main event guy that flat out didn’t deserve it as much as he did here.

I mean he was just flat out embarrassing out there. It was nothing but punches and forearms, while Lesnar can barely breathe because his bones are in pieces and he’s out there throwing Show around, yet he’s the one that has to lose the freaking belt because Big Show, the fat load that he is, injured him and there’s no other way to go.

THANKFULLY, Show was champion for a month as he dropped it to Angle at the next PPV, leading to the absolute classic of Benoit vs. Angle that happened at the Rumble. I can’t wait to get to that one. Anyway, Show sucks, Lesnar is the freaking man, end of story.

We go into the recap of the three way feud between Edge/Mysterio, Angle/Benoit, and the Guerreros. More or less, Angle and Benoit won the inaugural tag titles in a tournament (Billy Kidman and John Cena were partners. How weird does that sound?) beating Edge and Mysterio in perhaps the best tag match of all time the previous month.

Edge and Mysterio took them from them in a 2/3 falls match on Smackdown. The Guerreros are there…well because there was nothing else for them to do I guess. The main thing here is Angle and Benoit are arguing over who the captain is, but when they get in the ring they’re so awesome that it doesn’t really matter.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Benoit/Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Rey is still more or less a rookie at this point. This is elimination rules also. Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, who are engaged, are at ringside. This was a disturbing angle, but it led to a lesbian angle with Torrie and Dawn Marie, so it’s awesome. Al might have been the first WWE TV character to actually die. That’s saying a lot. The intros take forever as Benoit, Angle, Edge and Mysterio all have their own entrances.

Edge is getting all kinds of pops, as is Mysterio. That’s saying a lot considering Benoit and Angle are far bigger stars. We start with Benoit and Mysterio. That’s fine by me. Cole calls the match where Edge and Rey won the titles historic. Why? It was a 2/3 falls match and while it was good, I’d hardly say it was historic, but it’s Michael Cole so just a bit over the top is good for him. Angle gets another great pop as the crowd is white hot for everything here.

Eddie and Chavo are both cowards of course. Imagine if Edge and Mysterio were midgets. Chavo would be running for his life. Rey comes in and gets things going much faster which is what you need him to do. Eddie is just a midcard guy here and wouldn’t get a real main event push for a little over a year. Anyone can tag anyone here, making this very interesting indeed. This is a really fast paced match which makes sense given who’s in there.

Kurt slams his shoulder into the post as hard as anyone I’ve ever seen. That was painful looking. This is another of those matches that is hard to make fun of because it’s good so far. Angle was back to being goofy at this point which hurt him a bit, but it worked in the ring still. He puts a front facelock on Rey, which after eight minutes at that pace, I think it’s ok for a short break.

As soon as they break that up, Kurt and Rey crank it right back up again and the crowd is right back into it. That’s a good sign that the crowd stays with you. Angle goes for the tag but Eddie and Chavo hit the floor as Edge comes in. Edge and Kurt had been feuding for awhile now with Edge, resulting in Angle’s lack of hair. Angle counters the spear into the ankle lock and Benoit adds the crossface for the double submission attempt.

Rey hits a springboard seated senton to take out Kurt and then a dropkick to take out Benoit. Chavo pulls Angle to the floor as Rey hits the ropes and launches a corkscrew over the ropes to take them both out. Benoit starts the rolling Germans but on the third one, Eddie comes off the top with a sunset flip to Benoit who doesn’t let go of Edge, resulting in Benoit being in the sunset flip and Edge being suplexed at the exact same time.

Beginning with the Edge spear and ending with the kick outs from Edge and Benoit, that took about thirty seconds and was possibly the most exciting thirty seconds in the history of the Survivor Series. I was in absolute awe of it and that hardly ever happens to me. That was absolutely epic. Within seconds, and by that I mean like two, they’re going again, this time with Benoit beating on Edge even more.

He goes for the headbutt but Eddie hits the Frog Splash, but Benoit hits the headbutt to break up the pin. Before anything else can happen, Angle runs in and puts the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit has the crossface on Edge. Chavo brings the belt in which is something that I hate. It was one of the fastest paced and flat out entertaining matches I can ever remember seeing until then, but I guess it fits the gimmick.

Benoit thinks Angle hit him because he took the belt from Chavo. Benoit and Angle get into it, allowing Rey to hit Benoit to set up for the spear, eliminating Benoit and Angle. They lay out the champions before leaving in an argument, which sets up their best match of their absolutely epic series at the Rumble. Wow once they left the life got sucked out of this thing. I’m thinking one fall might have been the way to go here.

Rey comes in with a springboard cross body so high you would think he was Jeff Hardy. Edge spears both guys in the corner at once to set up the worst move ever: the Bronco Buster. It doesn’t hit which makes me cheer. Rey hits the 619 but Chavo hits the belt shot to the back which makes Rey tap to the Lasso From El Paso, which is more or less a weak Boston Crab. I’m really not wild on the standard cheating to win the belts here at all.

This could have been great and the first half was, but sadly this was the end of the greatness that was the early days of the WWE Tag Titles. Within less than a year we would have teams like Haas and Rico and Rikishi and Scotty winning the titles. The belts became jokes of course because Vince can’t allow any great wrestling on any show period, because it might make them realize that half of the stuff he’s got is just flat out terrible.

Rating: B. This is another tale of two matches. The first half, which is with Benoit and Angle, was some of the most entertaining, breath taking fast paced greatness that I’ve ever seen in a tag match. The part after that could have been an example from a book called How to Have a Boring Title Change.

I mean there was nothing that would have kept that part from being on any run of the mill TV show or house show for that matter. That’s how typical it was. From what I’ve read, this match was blown out of the water by the No Mercy match which had no Guerreros in it, so that’s on my short list of must see matches.

Chris Nowitski, a Harvard graduate and Tough Enough guy that could have been a decent midcard heel if he hadn’t gotten injured. He has a degree from Harvard though so I think he’ll be fine. He got a bad concussion at a house show and was forced to retire. He now does a ton of great work studying the long term effects of concussions and does special appearances for WWE.

It looks good for a guy like this to be on Vince’s payroll, as it shows he’s actually caring or at least pretending to care about the long term health of his workers. Anyway, Chris cuts a decent anti-New York promo here. Considering he had been in the company about five months at this point, he wasn’t half bad. He never would have been anything great, but he could have made a pretty good manager or commentator, something along the lines of Matt Striker.

Actually, as I’m writing this it’s 3:30 AM on September 25. meaning to me it’s still Thursday night. It just so happens that Thursday the 24th was Chris’ gimmick that I’ve always loved. I have no idea what it was, but I loved it. What I could make of it was that he more or less started a cult/fan club, with his opening video being set up to look like a website, complete with really funny factoids on the side, traditionally two per entrance.

Tonight we learn that “Matt keeps the room temperature at a toasty 75 degrees” and “Matt only drinks lowfat chocolate milk.” This gimmick was one I always liked, which is saying a lot as there’s not a lot of them that I like. This one is unique to say the least though. He teases being a face by asking Chris who he thinks he is because apparently Chris didn’t insult New York strongly enough.

Matt’s promo is about as good as Chris’, which means that it’s a failure. Chris is a rookie and Matt is a veteran, meaning that it’s ok for Chris to be below average, but not for Matt. This was pretty weak, but as they leave we discover the point to this as Scott Steiner debuts. This was a bit of a surprise, but he had been on Confidential, which was one of the Saturday night shows that started off as great and wound up sucking, the night before saying he was a free agent.

This would lead to a bidding war between Raw and Smackdown, eventually won by Raw and leading to perhaps the worst match ever with him and HHH at the Rumble. He just happens to be in his gear for no apparent reason and beats the heck out of both heels without saying anything at all. Oh dear Scott Steiner has a live mic. Oh good it’s just his catchphrase. Anyone that doesn’t believe steroids happen in wrestling, just look at this freak.

Terri is with Shawn (who has the stupidest looking haircut of all time) as he’s talking about why he believes he can win the title when we have BREAKING NEWS from RNN. This was a short term gimmick that the newcomer known as Randy Orton was doing. Orton, with some fairly long and messy brown hair, talks about how he came to Survivor Series, but don’t worry, because the flight didn’t hurt his shoulder any worse. Keep sending those get well soon emails!

We get a clipped down version of the video earlier recapping the feud. The basic idea is HHH vs. Shawn vs. four other upper midcard guys that have a prayer, but it’s highly unlikely that it’s going to end with anything other than DX exploding. Remember, this is Shawn’s 3rd match in nearly five years, if you count the Mania match against Austin. That’s ridiculous to say the least. Part of this feud was the great moment where Shawn came out in a wheelchair and got up to take out HHH.

HHH gets interrupted by Coach who is just a freaking moron, at least on camera. HHH actually says that the other five guys are some of the best in the world. That’s saying a lot coming from him. He says he has a first class ticket to a very warm place and the only question is who is coming with him. That’s almost a great line.

Bischoff comes out and walks us through how the chamber works and how deadly it is. If nothing else it looks awesome. The match isn’t weak at this point like it’s become now. The day before I got to this part, the announcement was made that No Way Out will be turned into another theme PPV about this. I really hate that. Hearing the words Elimination Chamber used to be a big deal, but now it’s just a cliché. It’s far worse with Hell in a Cell though.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho vs. HBK vs. Booker T vs. RVD vs. Kane

This is in the Elimination Chamber. If you didn’t know that by now, then PAY ATTENTION YOU MORONS! Jericho is out first, which means that he and the other three after him will be in the pods. For those of you that have never seen one of these matches, the idea is fairly simple despite looking complex. You have a massive cage around the ring complete with a metal floor so in essence there’s the ring itself and then another area around it in a circle.

Behind each of the four ring posts there’s a smaller chamber with a person inside of it. We being with two men in the ring and four in the pods. After five minutes, another man is released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Jericho’s entrance is awesome as he’s using a Saliva song, and as he comes out we cut to the World where Saliva performs it live. That’s very cool when you think about it. Booker is next.

He’s here…uh…actually I have no idea why he’s in this. I guess because he’s a big name. He would feud with HHH heading into Mania, so I guess I’d call this a tryout in the main event scene for him. Jericho lost the title to HHH at Mania so there are his credentials in case you were wondering. Ah Booker pinned HHH in a tag match a few weeks ago. It’s better than no explanation I guess. Kane is third. I don’t think he really needs an explanation.

There’s actually four faces and two heels in this match, which is odd indeed. This was during the time where Vince came up with the BRILLIANT, YES BRILLIANT I SAY idea of unifying the midcard titles with the singles titles, so for about eight months there was no Intercontinental belt. Kane was the last champion before losing it to HHH a month or so prior to this, which I guess is why he’s in here. Shawn is fourth, to a solid pop.

He’s wearing brown tights. Yes I said brown. Two things about his entrance: JR says who else could this be? Well JR I don’t think Shawn sings anyone else’s music so I’d guess it’s him. Also, Fink introduces him as HBK: Shawn Michaels. I’ve never heard him called that. Ross is mentioning all of the wrestlers’ records at this show. Kane is 4-1 and Shawn is 5-5. Dang that’s a lot of Survivor Series appearences.

That leaves us with RVD vs. HHH to start, which sounds like a bad recipe for alphabet soup. Flair cheated RVD out of his title match at Unforgiven, so this is technically his rematch. Allegedly the chamber weighs ten tons. I could see it being 9.97 tons but not ten, there’s just no way. Flair is with HHH as that little thing called Evolution is on the horizon. In an interesting stat, HHH is 0-6 coming into this Survivor Series.

That’s quite surprising and a stat like the Streak that just kind of sneaks up on you. Yeah Evolution debuted February 3, 2003, which was my 15th birthday for those KB enthusiasts out there. There’s the bell and we’re on. Or is it off? For the absolute life of me, I don’t get why Vince refused to push RVD. Madison Square Garden is cheering for him so loudly that it’s hurting my ears. But since he’s from ECW, that’s the only reason he’s being cheered. It couldn’t be talent or anything like that.

Less than a minute in, they’re out on the area between the pods outside of the ring. This really is a cool looking structure. We have our first bloodshed inside of two minutes. With HHH on the cage floor, Van Dam does Rolling Thunder through the ring and then over the top. That was very sweet looking. Van Dam is beating the tar out of HHH here. He goes to climb one of the pods but Jericho literally pulls him partially into it, getting his leg inside. That was cool looking.

They beat on each other some more, which is the polite way to say that Van Dam is massacring him, as Jericho is the third man in. After some generic fast paced stuff, we get what’s likely he most famous spot of the match, as Van Dam jumps at Jericho but instead of hitting him, grabs onto the cage in mid air, sticking to it “like Spiderman” as everyone on the planet said, but Ross gets credit for.

It gets more cheers from the crowd, but that doesn’t mean anything at all because Van Dam just isn’t capable of carrying a crowd, because they don’t know what they want as much as Vince does. We get another famous line as Ross says these men are playing Russian roulette with their careers. Jericho shouts that he’s the king of the world. I didn’t like him in Titanic and was glad when he sank.

Lawler points out that HHH craves to be champion. Wouldn’t that mean that he’s content at the moment? Booker is in third and also gets a big pop, but he couldn’t be champion either because HHH gets better heat than he gets pops, so naturally HHH has to go over him too.

As was mentioned in my Summerslam 2002 review, this was a period of time in HHH’s career where all the criticism of him comes from as he simply wouldn’t lose to anyone, no matter how big of a star they were unless their name was Shawn Michaels. Booker comes in and kicks everyone half to death but before he can go back for the other half, we have a Spinnerooni.

He and Van Dam go at it for a bit as we hear again about how Van Dam is like trying to pour smoke through a keyhole or whatever that expression is. Why do commentators always misuse the word literally? It’s really not that hard to get it right at all. Can Booker do anything other than kick people? That’s all he’s done in this match so far. RVD goes for the Five Star but goes up to the top of the pod and comes off with the splash, or at least he tries to.

The problem is the ceiling curves up to a point so there’s nowhere for him to jump, so more or less he falls on HHH. Van Dam’s leg lands on HHH’s throat and we go to a wide shot so we won’t see the referee throwing up the X. It was legit, so Booker hits a top rope dropkick (shocking isn’t it?) for the pin on Van Dam as HHH tries to breathe. He would have to take some time off because of that injury actually, so it was kind of serious.

The fans boo Van Dam’s elimination out of the building, but he’s not over at all because Vince has decided he’s not, and Vince is never wrong, right? Jericho and Booker try to buy HHH some more time by chopping the heck out of each other.

Kane brings some needed fresh blood into this match. This was probably the hottest period of his career other than his debut, and if they were ever going to put the belt on him, it likely should have come around this time, maybe in the spring after Mania. Alas, it would never happen and ONCE AGAIN they just turned him into a monster with nothing even remotely resembling direction of any sort. I hate that.

The guy is a former world champion, he’s big, he’s strong and he’s over, but we can never put the belt on him. Guys like RVD and Booker are both incredibly popular here, but neither would get the belt for almost five years from this point, or six years after they debuted. Benoit wouldn’t get the title for over four years and the same was true for Eddie. However, someone like Brock or Taker can come in and within a year be world champion.

It continues the long running theory I have: if Vince didn’t create them, he’s not going to push them. That’s why it annoys me when we see guys like Santino and Hornswoggle on TV all the time. Vince created them, so he’s going to push them down our throats until they get over or we stop complaining about them.

Instead of putting someone from outside of the company or someone that came up with the gimmick on their own that’s actually interesting, we get stupid things like Cedric the Entertainer and Al freaking Sharpton. Oh yeah Vince, keep up that in touch booking that you just love to do. And people wonder why the company nearly died in 2003. Anyway, Kane uses his standard stuff to beat on Jericho and Booker for awhile as HHH is still down.

Jericho starts another bad tradition in gimmick matches by being the first person to be thrown through the “bulletproof” glass. I can’t stand when they overhype stuff like that and then just completely destroy the mystique of the thing. In reality, Jericho would be cut to pieces here and likely in need of a hospital. He’s bleeding to an extent, but it’s far from horrible.

HHH is back up as Jericho, who isn’t dead, gets rid of Booker with the Lionsault after about a minute of rest. Jericho tries to climb a pod and you can hear Kane say where are you going Chris as he grabs him and pulls him down. That’s just creepy. As has been the custom we have two guys fighting and the other two are down. That’s kind of cheap but I can see why they have to do it. Actually I can’t. Why not have more violence?

If Jericho can get up after being thrown through “bulletproof” glass, then the whole pain thing is no big deal. The interval between Kane and Shawn is longer than five minutes to give him less time in the ring I guess. He comes in to a long but not very loud at all pop. Kane takes him down with a clothesline though, so that takes care of that. Never mind as he’s back up. Michaels isn’t quick but he’s sudden. I’ve heard that about a dozen times and have no clue what it means.

Ross lives in his own little world most of the time and I really don’t want to be there. Kane chokeslams everyone but doesn’t cover any of them because that would make sense, and we can’t have any of that of course. He goes to tombstone HHH but is shoved into Sweet Chin Music. He sits up and gets a Pedigree and the Lionsault ends him to get us down to three guys. What follows is more or less just the two of them beating the tar out of Shawn and making him bleed badly.

They also work on Shawn’s back a lot, which at least makes sense. Hey, did you know Shawn has wrestled once in almost five years because he broke his back? I wasn’t sure if you knew that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back. I just wanted to make sure that it was known that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back.

Shawn makes a small comeback but gets dropped on the cage floor to end that one. Shawn nips up only to be knocked back down again, which is one of the fastest pops and ending of a pop I’ve ever heard. He kicks out of the Lionsault and you already know the ending, but you don’t want to believe that it’s possible HBK winning the title really would have been a mind blowing thing as he had just come back and it was really considered a short term thing.

Jericho hooks the Walls, but HHH breaks them up for no apparent reason and they start going at it. They beat on each other for awhile so Shawn can rest a bit. I’m fine with that as he has very limited cardio at this point more than likely. Jericho hooks the Walls on HHH but gets his head kicked off and it’s one on one for the title, and all of a sudden it’s possible. HHH uses the spinebuster, which I don’t think had a name when Anderson used it.

I think I remember it being called the Anderson Drop at one point, which I kind of like. Did he really invent that move? If he did, that’s quite cool. Naturally HHH beats on Shawn even more with a focus on his back. Despite being introduced earlier as HBK, Ross says he’s no longer the Heart Break Kid. Is there a reason for that? To further complete the likelihood that Shawn will win the title, he gets launched through the bulletproof, yes I said bulletproof glass.

Despite being nearly murdered, he keeps fighting. There comes a point where things just get stupid. Also, credit should go to HHH for staying in this, but I don’t get why he stayed in there if he was hurt, given the ending, but whatever. Shawn catapults HHH into the cage to get another break as the fans are in this to an extent but I think they’re just spent at this point as we’re at about thirty seven minutes at this point. For the thousandth time, Shawn has heart. Note to JR: WE GET IT!

In a flat out DUMB looking spot, Shawn goes to the top rope and literally just stands there for a few seconds, not even looking at HHH. HHH clearly gets up, but Shawn goes to the top of the pod behind him and HHH LAYS BACK DOWN to get the elbow. Ok, I get that it’s staged and everything, but give me a break. At least get kicked or something before you go down. That’s just freaking idiotic.

If nothing else it got the fans into it again for a bit, but at this point I think they know what’s coming here. Those brown tights are just moronic looking. Was there some massive joke about wardrobe tonight or something that was preplanned? Between Show and HBK I feel like I’m watching a bad Christmas play put on by an elementary school.

To further stupefy this match, Shawn kicks out of the freaking Pedigree. Ok, that’s it. This is freaking absurd. Ok, I get that Shawn is a big star. I get that Shawn is one of the biggest stars of all time. I get that his comeback here is something that is very impressive.

But to do this now with HHH giving him not one but TWO massive rubs that A, Shawn doesn’t need and B, someone, ANYONE of the other four guys in this match could have made a career out of is without a doubt the most self centered, egotistical thing that I can ever remember seeing. I know he’s a bit better about it now, but this is just more HHH nonsense. If you want to give Shawn the title for the nostalgic run, fine, but blast it give someone else a freaking rub!

Don’t make it look like Shawn, who at this point is a has been off the street (He hadn’t wrestled or trained hardcore in YEARS at this point so he’s starting completely from scratch) is able to not only beat HHH once, but get through Kane, RVD, Booker and Chris freaking Jericho to do it? Are you telling me that you consider them that low on the totem pole Vince?

Yes, Shawn is a bigger star than every single one of them, but to say that he could beat them all in his second match in four and a half years based on sheer will and heart alone is as big of a slap in the face as you can give to those four men that are working so hard and getting FAR bigger pops than Shawn has gotten all night long.

Shawn comes in LAST and lays around getting beaten on for most of the match and really just doing jack in this match other than with HHH, so let’s reward him with the belt and another title reign that means nothing while everyone else that goes out there and works to have a good match and get the audience into the show, a.k.a. CARRYING THE MATCH, is just built up to be eventually fed to, you guessed it, HHH.

Of those four guys, let’s see what they would go on to do after this. Booker: feud with HHH, get massive pops, have the best run of his life, and then job to HHH at Mania in a throwaway match. Kane: fed to Batista, ANOTHER musclehead that couldn’t do a thing back then. Jericho; fed to Shawn in a good feud. RVD: nothing.

With no IC title to hunt for because HHH has to be CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, RVD just kind of floated around for awhile until getting a tag team with Kane that won the pointless tag belts. Shawn and HHH, who were doing WONDERS for the ratings, (as in taking them to levels of low not seen this millennium) would keep feuding over the belt before HHH fought ANOTHER muscle guy in Scott Steiner for two months in what are considered to be two of the worst matches of all time.

All the while, Benoit and Angle and Lesnar would be having some of the best matches in years on Smackdown and getting NO recognition for it, because they weren’t named Shawn and HHH. I can certainly see where the hate for HHH came from back in the day, as this was nothing but an ego play on his and Shawn’s part. They just HAD to be the center of attention again because they think it’s 1997 again, and Shawn still can’t draw.

Instead of letting guys like Van Dam or Booker or Benoit or Angle, the guys that are getting pops and having great matches, carry the company, we get more “nostalgia” moments that no one wants to see because HHH and Shawn want to clutch to their old spots, and even today, eight days before the Hell in a Cell PPV, they’re still doing it. I really hate them both at this moment, but that’ll pass in awhile. As for the match, Shawn gets up and counters another Pedigree for the kick and the belt to end it.

Rating: B. Despite my longest rant ever here, this was a good match. I HATE the way they decided to end it, but the match and the drama were there. The intervals between eliminations were all relatively long with the shortest being like seven minutes or so, which I like.

It makes it seem like these people are hard to eliminate, which is the point of the match. The wrestling is there, but this is a long match. Next year’s would be too short though, so around thirty minutes is where this needs to go. This was good though, despite my own bias about it.

Overall Rating: B-. As I read on another review of this show, the wrestling is good, the booking is bad. I don’t like using the same conclusions I found somewhere else, but that’s exactly right. The wrestling here really is solid, but the Guerreros, Big Show and Shawn winning just don’t work for me, plain and simple. Luckily for the two singles titles, they only lasted for a month as both changed hands again at Armageddon.

This is a different kind of show, similar to maybe the Rumble with everything leading up to one major match, which is ok I guess. I could easily see some people being bored out of their minds here while others love every second of it. Go find a copy of the tag title match but I’d only watch the first fall as it’s some of the most entertaining stuff you’ll ever find. If you’re a fan of HHH and HBK, you’ll love the main event and vice versa. Overall, it’s good but not great, so I’ll recommend it with an asterisk.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – June 6, 2005: The Past, The Present And The Future

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 6, 2005
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the start of the Draft and that is the kind of thing that can change a lot about the company in a hurry. The first Draft pick is going to be revealed on the Highlight Reel and that could make for some interesting interactions. Other than that we have the build towards HHH vs. Batista in the Cell and it’s also the go home show for One Night Stand. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Eric Bischoff is very, very happy with the first Draft pick. It’s the biggest Draft pick ever but here’s Coach to warn him that Paul Heyman could be here tonight. Bischoff: “Who cares?”

Opening sequence.

Here’s Chris Jericho for the Highlight Reel as we’re starting fast. Jericho hypes up the new acquisition and says they’re going to have a hard time topping his debut six years ago. We’re not wasting any more time though because here’s the first pick: WWE Champion John Cena, officially making him the next big thing in the company. Both Jericho and Cena are happy to be “hurr” (their word) but Jericho brings up both titles being on the same show.

The last time that happened, Jericho beat them both in the same night. Jericho talks about how they’re both becoming media superstars, though he is a little bit above Cena. If Cena wants to be a big music star though, he might have to alienate some wrestling fans. That won’t be happening but Cena says if anyone wants some, come get some. Cue Christian and Tyson Tomko with the Canadian saying he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

The cheers Cena is getting reminds him of the cheers of another fraud in this town: Mark McGwire. Christian: “This is my show Cena, so go take a stroll. Canada in the house, cause that’s how I roll.” Cena makes fun of him for the old Brood offense (hey now that was awesome) and says Christian was sucking something other than blood. Tomko is Christian’s life partner but Cena can beat them both at once. That means a five second pose with a one fingered You Can’t See Me and it’s Cena and Jericho cleaning house. Get the tag match ready.

Intercontinental Title: Muhammad Hassan/Daivari vs. Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin is defending and this is the result of a threatened lawsuit from Hassan after Batista beat up Hassan and Daivari. Only Hassan can win the title here. Hassan takes Benjamin into the corner to start but gets powered out as the USA chants begin. Daivari gets draped over the top but the distraction lets Hassan get in a cheap shot. A nasty running knee to the face puts Hassan down but Daivari’s distraction sets up the Downward Spiral to give Hassan the pin. Hang on though as the foot is on the rope and we keep going after a break.

Back with Shelton fighting out of a chinlock and hitting a tackle for a double knockdown. The Samoan drop plants Hassan again but he’s up fast enough to save Daivari from a choke. Hassan sends him shoulder first into the post and it’s off to the armbar. Daivari comes in and stomps away for two before working on the other arm for a change. The comeback doesn’t seem that hard and there’s the Stinger Splash to Daivari. Hassan is sent outside and the exploder to Daivari retains the title.

Rating: D+. They went with the false finish a bit too early and it made the rest of the match feel a little dull as they weren’t going to have Shelton get pinned twice, even if the first one didn’t count. Hassan is fine for a challenger here, but I’m not sure how much it is going to help him to stick with the “they’re all against me” stuff.

We recap the setup to HHH vs. Batista in the Cell before their contract signing tonight.

William Regal comes up to see Tajiri in the back. Tajiri denies being involved with Paul Heyman and Regal forbids him from being involved with One Night Stand. Chris Benoit comes up and Regal blames him for confusing the poor lad Tajiri. Benoit talks about ECW’s place in history but Regal says it’s sad to see how far Benoit has fallen. Benoit says ECW gave him a chance when no one else would (I find that a little hard to believe.) so Regal tells Tajiri to pick a side. Tajiri: “ECW! ECW! ECW!”

Bischoff and Coach aren’t worried about ECW but here are Hassan and Daivari to complain about the INJUSTICE in the match. Bischoff says there will be a one man committee here next week to address Hassan’s issues in the ring: Steve Austin.

Chris Masters vs. Val Venis

Masters is already getting caught by the same problem that Hassan had at first: these feuds against low level opponents aren’t going to draw any interest and they come off as a waste of time more than anything else. Venis jumps him during his entrance and slugs away, including sending Masters into the buckle to start.

A half nelson slam gets two and they head to the floor, only to have Masters get in a pretty low kick to slow Venis down. Venis is fine enough for a rather delayed one off a fisherman’s suplex. The Blue Thunder Bomb and spinebuster get two each but Masters shoves him out of the corner in a big crash. The Masterlock goes on and after a quick fight, Venis is done.

Rating: D+. Venis was trying here (as he almost always was) but it’s 2005 and you’re only going to get so much interest out of a Val Venis match. It also doesn’t make Masters look very good to have to struggle against Venis, who beat him up for most of the match before getting caught at the end. That being said, the idea of Masters being in a big time match at the moment sounds rather disturbing.

Ric Flair gives HHH a pep talk before the contract signing. He needs encouragement for that?

It’s time for the contract signing with Bischoff running the show and the ring full of security. Before we get to that though, Bischoff dares Paul Heyman to show up here because ECW was a failure. Why was it a failure? It’s because it didn’t have something like the Cell or a star like HHH. After HHH comes out, Bischoff has a big announcement: should either HHH or Batista be drafted to Smackdown, the match still takes place. HHH doesn’t care about the Draft because no one is better than him on either show.

We get a highlight package of HHH inside the Cell, which I’m sure he just had laying around. With that out of the way and some more threats from HHH, here’s Batista to say HHH is done talking. He isn’t afraid of HHH or the Cell so HHH needs to be ready to pay for his sins. They both sign and HHH says that was Batista signing his own death warrant. Batista: “Good!” They’ll have to kill each other to win and it’s a tense face to face with more threats to wrap it up.

We look back at Cena’s debut.

Victoria/Heart Throbs vs. Hurricane/Rosey/Christy Hemme

Fallout from Victoria snapping on Christy last week and Stacy is out with Hurricane and company. Hurricane and Thomas start things off and it’s a suplex to give Hurricane an early two. Roselli comes in for a double Russian legsweep and a double suplex lets Roselli thrust the hips. For some reason that’s enough for a tag to Victoria so Christy has to come in as well. Hurricane kicks Victoria away and makes the tag anyway because they don’t know the rules all too well. The catfight is on and everything breaks down and it’s a DQ with Christy choking Victoria too much.

Rating: D. Yeah this was nothing, though Christy can certainly snap when she needs to. The problem is that she isn’t a wrestler and can’t do anything beyond the catfighting, which is understandable given how she got here. She is intense though and seems to be trying and I’ll take that over someone just showing up and looking desperate for their contract to expire.

Cena is in Bischoff’s office but won’t shake the boss’ hand. Bischoff gets straight to the point: next week it’s Cena/Jericho vs. Tomko/Christian. We get more gay jokes before Cena is offered a spot on the anti-ECW team. That isn’t Cena’s deal so Bischoff offers to have his back. Cena doesn’t play politics so Bischoff issues threats, meaning we hear about Raw vs. Nitro again (fair enough here as it’s just over four years ago). If Bischoff wants a friend, see one of the other Draft picks because you won’t see him.

Smackdown Rebound.

We look at Edge and Lita flushing Lita’s wedding ring last week.

Kane comes out for a match but here’s a smiling Edge instead. Edge has good news and bad news: Kane won’t be facing him tonight but he will be facing him at Vengeance. As for tonight, Edge has a better idea. Cue Lita, wearing what can only somewhat be described as a top. Lita is excited about going to Vengeance in Las Vegas and once Edge beats Kane, they’ll go get married at one of those all night wedding chapels. Kissing ensues and Kane is annoyed.

Sidenote: Kane would beat Simon Dean in a quick match during the break.

Sabu will be at One Night Stand.

Chris Benoit vs. Gene Snitsky

ECW Rules and Coach is on commentary. Benoit wastes no time in grabbing a trashcan lid to hammer Snitsky down and lets get some trashcans as well. Snitsky gets in a few shots of his own but has to trash can lid his way out of a Crossface attempt. The trashcans are wedged into the corner and a hard whip sends Benoit back first into both of them.

Snitsky stays on the back but misses a big boot to crotch himself on the top. It’s table time and the fans are rather pleased all over again. Some rolling German suplexes rock Snitsky again and it’s time to put him on the table. The Swan Dive is broken up though and a shot to the head puts Benoit outside. Cue the Dudleys (with Bubba in the old school glasses) for the first time in a long time for a 3D through the table and the no contest.

Rating: C-. This was better than I was expecting, which is both surprising due to it being Snitsky but not surprising due to it being Benoit. Snitsky worked the back for a few minutes until the storyline ending and that is better than what you get with almost any Snitsky match.

Post match the Dudleys run off through the crowd.

Post break Coach sends the cops to arrest the Dudleys in the back. Paul Heyman shows up and gets arrested too, despite being invited to the show. Heyman pesters Coach into saying he doesn’t want to drop the charges so the cuffs come off. After Heyman talks the Dudleys out of fighting the cops, a challenge is made for the Dudleys to come to the ring.

Here are Bischoff, Edge, Christian and Tomko to the ring in a hurry. Bischoff laughs off the idea of the Dudley Boyz being Heyman’s big weapon because they’re just overrated. He and his buddies are ready to take the Dudleys out tonight so Bischoff doesn’t even have to show up at One Night Stand. We hear about some Smackdown crusaders who are joining Bischoff and company to end ECW once and for all.

Bischoff calls Heyman out so here they are coming from the crowd. Heyman rants about Bischoff having all of the resources but it never connected with the audience like ECW did. ECW never backed down to anyone so the Dudleys get in the ring. Bischoff waves the lower card reinforcements down to the ring so Heyman points to the crowd and the ECW theme starts. Cue a bunch of ECW guys (Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks and Sandman) with Heyman sending the dogs after the Raw guys. ECW cleans house, including destroying Maven, to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There are a lot of ways to look at this show and it made it kind of a confusing watch. First of all, the Raw stuff going on isn’t all that good with Batista vs. HHH feeling like a match that we just have to get through so HHH can take a break when he decides to take a break. It’s annoying, but Raw has been “his” show for so long that I guess he needs it, or at least was able to convince someone that he does. I’m sure the match will be fine, but when we’ve seen it twice in two months, it’s a bit tiresome.

Then there is Cena coming over, which feels big now but is almost destined to be a game changer. Cena has jumped way up the ladder since Wrestlemania with that I Quit match being his big coming out party moment. WWE needs some fresh faces on the show and Cena is more versatile than Batista. Cena isn’t at Batista’s level of star power yet (though the gap has shrunk in a hurry) but the potential is there and he has a much bigger upside, meaning he belongs on Raw.

Finally there’s the ECW stuff and that feels fun. That’s the biggest thing that I get every time that the show is mentioned. I want to see how the thing goes and that’s because they have made it feel like a cool moment. Above all else it feels like a celebration of ECW rather than a blatant cash grab. I mean, it is a cash grab but don’t be so obvious about it. Anyway, the bad slightly outweighs the good, but brighter days are ahead.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Night Raw – November 4, 2019: The Red Is Scared

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 4, 2019
Location: Nassau Coliseum, New York City, New York
Commentators: Dio Maddin, Jerry Lawler, Vic Joseph

It’s going to be a big night around here we have the fallout from the Saudi Arabian show, the fallout from the NXT invasion on Smackdown, and Brock Lesnar is hunting Mysterios. I’m not sure what expect from this show, save for some praise for the great hosts in Saudi Arabia and a rushed build towards Survivor Series. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

A trio of black SUVs pulls up in the back. HHH gets out of one and says something to someone in the back of another.

Opening sequence.

Here are an annoyed looking Lesnar and Heyman to open the ring. Heyman explains Lesnar quitting and THEY’RE ACTUALLY EXPLAINING THE WAY OUT. The week of the Draft, Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross were sent to Smackdown for future considerations and here’s Lesnar as those future considerations. Heyman makes it clear that Lesnar is better than everyone here and wants to know where Mysterio is so either get out here or Brock will go slap everyone in this audience. Tonight, someone is going to say where Mysterio is so Lesnar can destroy him. Heyman gives Rey’s career the last rites and they’re out.

In the back, Brock looks for Rey and beats up a backstage worker for not answering fast enough. Post break another backstage guy says Rey is in that car over there so Brock breaks into a car to find….not Rey. Brock breaks the door to vent some frustration.

Video on Lacey Evans vs. Natalya in Saudi Arabia and how amazing WWE is for making it happen.

Kabuki Warriors vs. Charlotte/Natalya

Non-title. Natalya gives Sane a spinning slam for one to start and it’s off to Charlotte and Asuka. The champs are sent outside and we take a break. Back with Natalya getting posted and chinlocked as we look at Asuka misting Paige last week. Sane kicks her down for two but Natalya kicks her way to freedom and brings in Charlotte to clean house. There’s a fall away slam and the never good sign of shouting COME ON to the fans.

Natural Selection hits Sane but Asuka puts the foot on the rope at two. The Warriors are laid next to each other inside and Charlotte moonsaults onto both of them for two with Asuka rolling in to kick the referee for….the save instead of the DQ as I think Asuka missed. Back from another break with Natalya and Charlotte inches apart for about ten seconds but not being able to get the tag…..because Sane isn’t in place to break it off.

That looked HORRIBLE, to the point where I thought Natalya was turning on her by not making the tag. Then, just because of course this is what they were going for, Charlotte stops a charge in the corner by raising a boot and the tag goes through thirty seconds later. Good grief. Anyway Natalya gets caught in the cross armbreaker but reverses into the Sharpshooter until Sane makes the save with a Codebreaker. Charlotte spears Sane down so the Sharpshooter can make Asuka tap at 18:07.

Rating: D+. Ignoring the champions losing clean in a tag match to set up a title match, ignoring ANOTHER attempt to push Natalya and ignoring Asuka tapping, that tag spot was one of the stupidest things I can remember seeing WWE do in years. Was that one spot, of Sane running into a boot in the corner, THAT important that they had to throw out any semblance of taking this match seriously and making it look realistic? All four of these women should know better and it looked like something that would get a developmental match stopped so the trainers could yell at them. Completely unacceptable on all levels.

Immediately after the match, Lesnar and Heyman come out to demand Mysterio’s whereabouts from commentary. Heyman says Lawler knows everything going around here so either say where Mysterio is or Lesnar will kill him and there will be no bringing him back to life this time. Maddin gets up and stares Lesnar down, earning himself an F5 through the table. Cue Mysterio with a pipe to whack Lesnar in the knees over and over. A running belt shot leaves Brock laying.

During the break, Lesnar couldn’t stand and nearly crawled to the back.

Rey says he’s fighting fire with fire and coming for the WWE Championship. The challenge is on for Survivor Series.

Buddy Murphy vs. Cedric Alexander

Neither gets an entrance. Alexander anklescissors him down to start so Murphy knocks him down and grabs the armbar. The hold stays on for a good while until Cedric fights up and knocks him outside for the suicide dive. The big flip dive makes it worse and the springboard Downward Spiral gets two. Murphy’s Law is countered into a victory roll for two, followed by the Michinoku Driver for the same. Alexander’s handspring elbow is cut off with a jumping knee to the back and Murphy’s Law is good for the pin at 5:33.

Rating: C. Well it didn’t have anything that made me want to scream at the TV and the champs didn’t lose so we’ll call this an upgrade. This was the Cliff Notes version of what these two are capable of due to the sake of time but at least Murphy won a match for the first time in what feels like forever.

We look at the NXT invasion on Smackdown.

Here’s Seth Rollins for a chat. He lost to the Fiend at Crown Jewel but that doesn’t concern him. What concerns him is that the Fiend took the title to Smackdown and now Brock Lesnar is back. That means no one is going to get a shot for a long time but Rollins isn’t sure if he can start from scratch again. For the first time in a long time, he isn’t sure what he’s doing.

Cue HHH and the NXT chants are on. HHH finds it interesting that whenever Rollins doesn’t know what’s next, their paths cross. Maybe Rollins’ past is his future. HHH talks about their history together, including Rollins being the first NXT Champion. Rollins asks if all of that success was for HHH or himself, so HHH points out that Rollins always came out as champion. HHH talks about what NXT did on Friday, including Adam Cole pinning Daniel Bryan in the middle of the ring.

Survivor Series is coming up and NXT is going to be involved. Rollins can either be with HHH or against him. The fans see someone coming in from the crowd and we’ve got the Undisputed Era. They stay on the apron as HHH asks which side Rollins is on. Cue the OC so the Era bails but Damian Priest and Dominick Dijakovic come in to help them with the beatdown. Erick Rowan, R-Truth, Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder make the save as Rollins isn’t sure what to do. If he’s still confused about having Ryder and Hawkins make the save, he’s in over his head.

Post break, Rollins comes up to HHH and says if HHH wants him on Wednesdays, he’s coming in on the top guy. Tonight, he wants Adam Cole for the NXT Title. The match is made.

Zelina Vega/Andrade vs. Carolina/Sin Cara

Before the match, Vega says Carolina has to hide behind a mask while Cara pretends he could ever beat Andrade. Commentary says Catalina but the name graphic says Carolina. That doesn’t bode well for her future. Andrade charges at him to start but gets sent outside, only to have Vega grab the leg to block the dive. Caro/Catalina hits a dive off the apron to take Andrade down and we take a break.

Back with Andrade putting him on top but getting sunset bombed right back down. Carolina comes in and crossbodies Vega’s knees (How can you go low on someone barely five feet tall?), followed by a faceplant fro two. Vega breaks up Cara’s dive so Carolina hits a Gory Bomb, allowing Cara to hit the dive. That leaves Vega to send her face first into the buckle, setting up a hurricanrana driver for the pin at 7:26.

Rating: C-. Could have been worse but that is likely it for Carolina for the time being. I’m not sure how bright of a future she had in the first place but her stuff didn’t look great here and she got pinned clean by a manager. They did keep it short though and Andrade’s team won so well done on giving him a boost. Now it’s time to move on to something else and that has always been an issue for Andrade so far.

We recap Lana/Rusev/Bobby Lashley.

Here’s Rusev for a chat. He’s ready to put an end to all of this drama so tonight he’s here for Bob Lashley. If Lashley wants Lana, she’s all his, but Lashley is all his. Cue Lashley on crutches to say that he has a torn groin due to some….things….with Lana. Since Lashley can’t do anything at the moment, Lana has someone else to fight in Lashley’s place.

Rusev vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre headbutts him in a hurry and it’s an early headbutt to put Rusev down. Rusev fights out of the corner and stomps away, eventually throwing McIntyre outside as we take a break. Back with Rusev fighting out of an armbar and hitting some running shoulders in the corner. Stereo crossbodies give us a double knockdown and they fight to the floor. Rusev sends him back first into the steps, only to have Lashley run down and hit Rusev in the back with the crutch for the DQ at 9:40.

Rating: D+. I was surprised by how uninteresting this was, though it didn’t help that they telegraphed the ending with Lashley staying on the ramp. Lashley faking an injury is fine, but the match itself felt very slow. I don’t think McIntyre is going to be involved in this long term and that’s probably best for everyone involved.

Post match McIntyre leaves and Rusev fights back on Lashley. Rusev picks up the crutch….and gets the RKO from Randy Orton. The beatdown is on but Ricochet runs in for the save, including knocking Lashley off the apron and into Lana, who has to be carried out.

Becky Lynch gets a sitdown interview to talk about her upcoming triple threat match at Survivor Series against Bayley and Shayna Baszler. She talks about how important Survivor Series can be but here’s Shayna to interfere. Shayna has been wanting to meet her face to face for a long time now and she isn’t taking her eyes off of Becky at Survivor Series.

All Becky has to think about until Survivor Series is which limb is going to Baszler. Becky hasn’t figured out if she should respect Shayna or take her head off. At Survivor Series, she’ll have her eyes on Bayley and Baszler at the same time. They stare each other down and say it was nice to meet. Good segment, though you can almost pencil Bayley in for the win from here.

OC vs. Street Profits/Humberto Carrillo

The trophy the OC won at Crown Jewel is at ringside and AJ goes on a rant about being awesome. The next time he sees one of those NXT punks, he’s knocking their head off. Hang on though as the Profits bring up that the OC have the trophy, but the Street Profits beat them two weeks ago. AJ: “Shut your mouth!” Tonight, it’s time to swipe left on the OC because the Profits are coming.

Joined in progress with Dawkins coming in to stay on AJ’s arm. Anderson comes in and gets slammed down, allowing Ford to grab an armbar with a flick of the tongue. Ford goes after Gallows though and gets knocked outside by Anderson. AJ gets in a few shots of his own until Ford dropkicks his way to freedom.

It’s too early for the tag though as Gallows boots him down and the beating continues. The chinlock goes on and we take a break. Back with Ford hitting a Blockbuster and making the tag off to Carrillo for a Disaster Kick on AJ. Everything breaks down and Ford hits the big running flip dive. Carrillo goes after AJ and breaks up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Styles roll him up for the pin with feet on the ropes at 11:35.

Rating: C. So remember last month when we did something similar with the War Raiders and Cedric Alexander? They’re doing a good job of keeping AJ strong over the lower level challengers, which will help him even more when he gets a bigger challenger. That’s how you make a title mean something and I’ll absolutely take this over just having him stand around holding the title without doing anything.

We recap Lesnar’s path of rage and pope to the knees tonight.

Mysterio vs. Lesnar for the title is set for Survivor Series.

Viking Raiders vs. East Hampton Polo Boys

Ivar’s frog splash for the pin at 1:00.

Post match the Raiders talk about losing to the OC and warn them that revenge is coming.

NXT Title: Adam Cole vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending and Cole is out with HHH. Cole gets driven into the corner and knocked to the floor to start, allowing Rollins to hit the slingshot dive. A few rams into the barricade take us to a break and we come back with Cole kicking him in the face. An enziguri staggers Rollins but he’s right back with the low superkick for two. Rollins goes up top but dives into a heck of a superkick for two more.

The middle rope Canadian Destroyer is blocked and Rollins kicks him down again. Rollins loads up the Falcon Arrow but gets reversed into the brainbuster onto the knee. The double clothesline puts both of them down until Cole heads up top. That means the superplex into the Falcon Arrow and they’re both down again. Rollins loads up the Stomp…and it’s the Undisputed Era for the DQ at 12:30.

Rating: B. You could feel the interference here but that’s the logical way to go here as you have stable mates for just such a situation. The match was as entertaining as you would have expected from these two and it makes sense to not have Rollins take the title here. If nothing else, Cole hung with Rollins for a match that got a little time, which is how you make someone look good in an invasion like this.

Post match the NXT and Raw locker rooms come out for the huge brawl with NXT getting the better of it due to the numbers advantage. Ricochet hits the big springboard shooting star onto the pile and everyone is down. Keith Lee one ups Ricochet with the huge flip dive to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t feeling some of the wrestling in the middle but they did some stuff to set up Survivor Series (including the amazingly logical explanation for Lesnar moving to Raw), which now has a large card. You can imagine a triple threat Survivor Series elimination match as well, which could go on very long but be interesting at the same time. Now just keep up the momentum you have going into the rest of the week and then on the way to Chicago.

Results

Natalya/Charlotte b. Kabuki Warriors – Sharpshooter to Asuka

Buddy Murphy b. Cedric Alexander – Murphy’s Law

Andrade/Zelina Vega b. Sin Cara/Carolina – Hurricanrana driver to Carolina

Rusev b. Drew McIntyre via DQ when Bobby Lashley interfered

OC b. Humberto Carrillo/Street Profits – Rollup with feet on the ropes to Carrillo

Viking Raiders b. East Hampton Polo Boys – Frog splash to #1

Seth Rollins b. Adam Cole via DQ when the Undisputed Era interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6