Smackdown – May 15, 2003: One of the Only Times WWE Has Disgusted Me

Smackdown
Date: May 15, 2003
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and I have my notebook ready for all the questions I have regarding the Mr. America storyline. Given how little sense the whole thing makes if you listen to what everyone says, I’m likely to leave far more confused than I was when I came in. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon opens things up and he’s SURE who Mr. America is. No one could possibly question the fact that Mr. America is Hulk Hogan. See, Mr. America doesn’t uphold traditional American values because he’s deceiving everyone around here. After pausing for the WHAT chants, Vince complains about Hogan getting two checks (which would likely be signed by Vince himself, making me wonder who he signs American’s checks to) and on top of that, Mr. America doesn’t care that he batters women.

We see a clip of America knocking Vince into Stephanie, though Vince blames her for it just as much. He’s not going to deal with Hogan himself though because we’re having an open contract at Judgment Day with someone getting to deal with Hogan him/themselves. Cue the FBI of all people with Nunzio offering their services to deal with Mr. America. He even has a video resume of their greatest hits and Johnny promises to be on Hogan like baked on ziti. They’ll go talk about it over coffee while Palumbo has a match.

This was WAY too long and really just established that America will have a match on Sunday and the FBI of all people are getting involved. The FBI isn’t interesting and are just a step above a Three Stooges sketch. Ignoring the fact that they might make for a better match for Mr. American than Vince or Roddy Piper, this was a really long waste of time.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Rikishi

Palumbo stomps away in the corner but accidentally hits Johnny in the face. A belly to belly gives Rikishi two but Johnny trips him up again. The superkick gives Palumbo two, only to have Rikishi’s version knock him into the corner. Johnny breaks up the Stinkface and gets pulled inside, allowing Palumbo to hit a second superkick (in just over three minutes) for the pin.

Rating: D-. So Rikishi is now dealing with the FBI and having bad matches at the same time. At least it’s better than wasting people like Chris Benoit on them, though it would be nice if Benoit actually had anything interesting to do at the moment. At least he wouldn’t use three superkicks in the same match. He’s not a Young Buck after all.

Post match Brock Lesnar arrives and comes to the ring to give Palumbo an F5 in retaliation for last week.

Stephanie cuts Brock off in the back and explains a stretcher match to him in that classic Stephanie style of speech that no one ever uses in the real world. I know most wrestlers do that but no one can make it sound as robotic as she can.

Mr. America visited some wounded troops.

Torrie Wilson comes out to show us one bikini she’s considering for Sunday. As usual she looks great but I still don’t know why I’m supposed to want to pay to see her in another one when she’s in Playboy at the moment.

Stephanie is admiring two sets of flowers (one red and yellow, the other red and white) when Vince comes in. He would have gotten Mr. America’s mask off last week if not for her screwing up so he accepts her apology. She’s not apologizing though because she’s gotten flowers from Hogan and America. Stephanie is leaving because Vince has everything under control tonight. Vince breaks both vases.

Clip of Rey Mysterio being injured at Backlash. He’s back for an interview tonight.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Tajiri

Matt, who thinks Tajiri weighs too much to be a cruiserweight and can eat more sushi than him, is defending with Shannon Moore and Crash in his corner. Tajiri snapmares him down to start but gets jumped from behind. The kicks have Matt in trouble but Tajiri has to deal with Shannon, allowing Matt to hang him over the top rope. The Side Effect sets up an abdominal stretch from the champ, only to have Tajiri kick him down again. Rapid fire strikes have Matt in trouble and there’s the handspring elbow for good measure. Crash breaks up the Tarantula though and it’s the Twist of Fate to retain Matt’s title.

Rating: D+. Perfectly fine match here but there’s only so much you can do with four minutes and three people fighting Tajiri at the same time. Tajiri continues to be one of the most consistent guys on the roster and could do a lot more if he was given the chance. At least he did well while he was out there.

Matt says he has the Mattributes to take care of Mr. America because that story is now invading the cruiserweights.

Eddie Guerrero, wearing the gold medal, is talking to a framed Kurt Angle photo and talks about Chavo being injured in a match overseas. There’s no reason to worry though because he’s Latino Heat. He even puts a mustache and beard on Angle’s face.

Stephanie runs into Mr. America as she’s leaving and asks him to thank Hogan for him. She even throws in a kiss on the cheek.

John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Cena wants to face Mr. America so he can turn him back into the Hulk so quick you’ll think his name is Bill Bixby. As for Benoit, instead of the Canadian Crippler, he’ll be the crippled Canadian. Benoit wastes no time in driving him into the corner before getting one off a backbreaker. A heck of a chop has Cena clutching his chest but he’s still able to send Benoit shoulder first into the post. The ensuing armbar makes sense but Benoit is right back up with a chop and a snap suplex.

Cue the FBI to distract Benoit so Cena can knock him outside, earning themselves a quick ejection. Back from a break with Cena holding a chinlock and getting two off a shoulder. Cena stomps on the leg but gets sent into the middle buckle off a drop toehold. There’s the first German suplex into the Swan Dive but Nunzio runs in. Benoit gets rid of him in a hurry and reverses the FU into the Crossface, only to have Johnny the Bull come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. What does it say that this is pretty easily the best match I’ve seen on WWE TV this week? Above all else, it’s two guys having a match and actually trying for a change, which is a lot more than you can say about almost anything that happens on Raw. Is it that much to ask for some effort in these matches?

Rhyno and Spanky come in to help Benoit clean house.

Video on the UK tour.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with Sean O’Haire backing Piper again. Piper talks about the contract because this is the biggest story in the world at the moment. Some people want to collect the bounty for their careers and some people want to do it to suck up to Vince. Well Piper is going to do it because he hates Hogan.

This brings out Mr. America, who hands the flag to a guy in the front row, which sounds like a plot point. America gets why Piper has issues with Hogan because he remembers Hogan beating Piper up when he was a kid. He’s cool with the match with Piper because I guess Mr. America gets to decide who collects bounties on him. Piper says Hogan has never beaten him 1-2-3 (yes he has) and goes on a rant about the kid waving the flag. Sean goes outside to deal with the kid, allowing Piper to jump America from behind.

America fights back but Sean makes the save, only to have the fan jump the barricade and prevent the mask from being taken off. A spear takes the fan down and Piper chokes away, only to yank off his artificial leg. That freaks Piper out and the villains leave. Oh don’t worry about it. Nash did it on purpose in 1996 and he’s main eventing the pay per view on Sunday. Sean even yells at Piper because cheating on your wife or whatever his thing of the week was ok but attacking an adult fan who jumped you from behind? Not cool bro.

After the entrances to the next match, Vince yells at Piper and O’Haire for messing with a fan like that. Sean: “Mr. McMahon, I had nothing to do with this.” YOU SPEARED HIM DOWN SO PIPER COULD BEAT HIM UP! Vince tells them to stay there while he makes up his mind about what he’s going to do. Piper stands there, which is way out of character for him. Vince leaves and Sean blames Piper for what happened because his career is on the line.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie has the picture of Angle and comes out in a sombrero. Shelton takes Eddie down and yells a lot before hitting a forearm to the face. A chinlock slows things down but Eddie is right back up with a middle rope hurricanrana. One heck of a powerbomb plants Eddie for two but also kickstarts his comeback with a couple of dropkicks. Right hands in the corner set up the rolling suplexes but here’s Charlie Haas with a ladder. The distraction lets Shelton hit a superkick for the pin. That’s totally different than the finish to the opener. This one had a ladder you see.

Rating: D+. Not enough time to mean anything and having the same finish used in two out of four matches is about as pitiful as you can get. Agents should be smarter than that and able to come up with a better finish. If nothing else just ask Eddie what he thinks would work here, as I’m sure he can come up with something other than distraction into a superkick.

Eddie fights them both off and busts the picture over Shelton’s head.

Piper and O’Haire haven’t moved when Vince comes back in. He buys Sean caring about what happened (as the most interesting part of his character is erased) but Piper doesn’t care at all. That’s just what Vince wants though and that’s why he’s facing Hogan on Sunday. My goodness they’re actually going there and Vince is actually saying Piper is better than John Cena, the Cruiserweight Champion (and his minions) or the FBI. And people wonder why the future was so bleak.

And now, the Miss Elizabeth piece from Confidential. She passed away from a cause that wasn’t determined yet (because it was less than two weeks ago when this aired) and Vince says she was just a commodity in WCW. They talk about her career, the battery charges from Lex Luger, and then her death. In probably the lowest point since….oh I’d think the Melanie Pillman interview, we hear the actual 911 call of Luger saying she wasn’t breathing. I’m not even sure how to respond to that so we’ll move on. This is of course edited off the Network version.

And now, after hearing a 911 call of a woman dying earlier in the month, Sable comes out and shows off her own bikini. Now pay up if you want to see it again!

Pay per view rundown.

It’s time for the Mysterio interview. First of all, he’ll be back in the ring in a few weeks and he wants the Cruiserweight Title. He didn’t think he’d be able to wrestle again and he wondered if that was it when he was laying in the ambulance. Rey isn’t sure about ever facing Big Show again….and Big Show kidnaps him.

Post break Show brings Rey out to the ring while carrying a backboard in the other hand. Rey tries to fight back and manages a 619, only to get caught in something like a Samoan drop. Lesnar runs out to save Rey from the chokeslam and beats Show down with the board. The F5 connects but Tazz sees a problem: Show is too big to be put on a stretcher! HOW WILL BROCK SURVIVE??? Rey adds in a bulldog to drop Show and then hides behind Brock to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I only have one question this week: how did the Mr. America storyline manage to take over even more of the show??? Lesnar vs. Big Show isn’t interesting but I’ll take it over America vs. Piper and Vince running down most of his heels to say that Piper is the best option he has to take Hogan out. There was some passable wrestling on the show this week but the stories are just killing anything that might be seen as positive. Another bad show this week as Mr. America vs. Vince is swallowing the show alive.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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205 Live – October 10, 2017: It Won’t Last Long

205 Live
Date: October 10, 2017
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

It’s suddenly a different era on 205 Live as Kalisto won the Cruiserweight Title last night in a big surprise. On the downside though, it seems that we’ve lost Neville for the time being as he might be leaving the company due to not being happy with a variety of things. Hopefully things get better for both the division and the show so let’s get to it.

We open with a four and a half minute recap of last night’s events.

Opening sequence.

Renee Young brings out Kalisto for a chat. Kalisto is fired up to have a luchador as champion and brings up dedicating the match to Eddie Guerrero. Cue Enzo and Ariya Daivari to say this party needs the Zo. He put the division on his back but Kalisto just used it like a backpack. Enzo isn’t cool with the people he’s been carrying lifting Kalisto on his shoulders like it was the end of Rudy.

Then Mustafa Ali attacked him like a guy who needs to stay out of his bag. He accuses Kalisto of stealing the title, just like Eddie Guerrero would have done. Kalisto says he did just what Enzo said to do and that’s win at any cost. Enzo says Kalisto is making the title look as disgusting as whatever is underneath the mask and the new champ doesn’t have the money that Enzo does. The rematch is on for TLC but the brawl is on right now. Ali runs out for the save and the good guys clean house.

Rich Swann is ready to take TJP out once and for all because their friendship is done.

TJP vs. Rich Swann

2/3 falls. Swann wastes no time with a flip dive to the floor as the fight starts before the bell. TJP is right back by sending him into the barricade though and now we head inside for the opening bell. The match officially starts and they’re already back outside less than fifteen seconds later.

Back in and we hit the kneebar but Swann quickly reverses into a rollup for the first fall. TJP is livid and hammers away for some early near falls. A dropkick staggers Swann but TJP stands around for too long, allowing Rich to hit one of his own. TJP’s springboard forearm sets up the chinlock before going into a cross between a Cloverleaf and a Sharpshooter. It’s too close to the ropes but at least the move looked good in the first place.

The Detonation Kick is broken up as well and Swann’s spinning kick to the head drops TJP again. There’s a tiger driver for two more on TJP but the running 450 hits knees. TJP is right back up with a slingshot dropkick to the ribs but is too injured to follow up at first. Back in and Swann kicks him down again, only to get caught in a fireman’s carry.

It’s the kneebar instead of the Detonation Kick this time though and Swann is in trouble. He tries another rollup but TJP drops down into a cradle for a near fall of his own. Swann grabs a quick Michinoku Driver and a cartwheel into a running Phoenix splash gets two more. The regular version puts TJP away at 11:46.

Rating: C+. This was a good way to wrap up the feud but it wasn’t exactly a thrilling ending. I do like the idea of Swann winning 2-0 as it makes him look like the definitive winner, though it didn’t feel like a big deal as the fans were expecting a third fall. Good enough, but nothing all that special.

Enzo and Daivari are ready for their tag match later with Amore making a bunch of Lion King jokes. Drew Gulak comes up and seems to agree with Enzo’s anti-Kalisto stance.

Akira Tozawa comes out for a match but Gulak jumps him from behind and hits him in the throat with the NO CHANTS sign.

We look back at Cedric Alexander vs. Jack Gallagher/Brian Kendrick.

Alexander doesn’t buy what Kendrick says and will be ready for whatever they bring at him.

Enzo Amore/Ariya Daivari vs. Mustafa Ali/Kalisto

Enzo does the insults before we’re ready to go. Ali and Daivari start things off with Mustafa being smart enough to stay away from the corner. Instead it’s off to Enzo, who gets punched in the face a few times and kicked in the head for good measure. Daivari takes Ali down from the apron though and Enzo adds a Downward Spiral for two. The double teaming ensues with Daivari getting two off a spinebuster.

Nigel starts singing an Aladdin song about Ali and there’s a spinwheel kick to knock Enzo silly and bug his eyes out at the same time. The hot tag brings in Kalisto for the house cleaning and a hurricanrana driver plants Daivari. There’s the double dive to take the villains down but Enzo posts Ali. Not that it matters as the Salida Del Sol ends Daivari at 6:59.

Rating: C. Ali was doing most of the work here though I’m glad they didn’t pull a surprise by having Kalisto lose in his first match as champion. You can pretty much pencil him in for the loss from here and while that’s rather annoying, it’s nice to have a break from Amore for the time being.

Overall Rating: C+. Like I said, it was nice to have Kalisto get the focus for a bit, but I’m not even going to pretend that Enzo isn’t getting the title back at TLC. He’s clearly the star of the show and WWE is going to push him well beyond the point of people getting sick of him. The rest of the show was just kind of there, but that’s the point anymore.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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The Rumored Survivor Series Main Event

http://www.f4wonline.com/daily-updates/daily-update-survivor-series-main-event-ufc-fox-gsp-bisping-244441

I…..there are no words. Ok there are some, which include spoilers after the break if you don’t want to know.

It’s Jinder Mahal vs. Brock Lesnar in a non-title, Champion vs. Champion match.

Of all the nonsense in the world that they could go with, this is the best idea they have? I know Stephanie seems to think the fans determine who produces stars (seriously) but who in the world thinks this is the right play? Mahal isn’t even the third biggest star on his own show (Nakamura, Styles, Owens and I’m probably forgetting people) and he’s getting to face Brock at Survivor Series? And the title isn’t even on the line? Mahal is as one note of a character as there is in the history of the main event scene and for some reason he’s facing Lesnar. If it’s non-title there’s even a chance that Mahal could win. But hey, at least they can sell some tickets in India!

Main Event – October 12, 2017: Someone Help Dash

Main Event
Date: October 12, 2017
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

This week’s Raw was kind of a mixed bad and that means it’s not clear what Main Event will be like. The show entirely hinges on what kind of stuff we got on Raw, meaning we’ll be seeing a ridiculous amount of stuff on the Shield. Their reunion was shown about five times on Monday so it’s hard to guess what else they’ll put on here. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Dash Wilder/Curtis Hawkins

Oh come on already. This is FIVE STRAIGHT WEEKS of Dash vs. some incarnation of Rhyno and Slater. Rhyno and Dawson start things out with Rhyno scoring a high backdrop. Slater comes in to a heck of a reaction and it’s time to crank on that arm. It’s off to Hawkins, who gets his arm cranked on until Dawson’s cheap shot changes control. We hit the chinlock and Dash actually cuts off the hot tag attempt. Hawkins talks a bit too much trash though and eats a flapjack, allowing the hot tag to connect this time around. Everything breaks down and the spinebuster puts Hawkins away at 5:29.

Rating: D+. Nothing we haven’t seen before but they were trying harder than usual here. I’m a bit sick of seeing Dawson lose this match but if it eventually gives us the Revival beating the heck out of Slater and Rhyno, everything will wind up being fine. At the same time though, I fully expect WWE to ignore the whole thing as Main Event means nothing. In other words, it’s not a big deal.

Long recap of Miz/Cesaro/Sheamus beating down Roman Reigns, who needs some help.

From Raw:

It’s time for MizTV to start things off and we have the Mizzies II! Last week Miz went from the A-Lister to THE GUY but he can’t take all the credit for the whole thing. That brings us to our first award for perseverance and the winner is Curtis Axel. The fans think he deserves it and Axel dedicates it to Bo Dallas, who is out injured this week.

Next up is Best Supporting Actors in destroying Roman Reigns and the winners in a tie are Cesaro and Sheamus. The Bar (still a stupid name) comes out to thank Reigns in their acceptance speech but Cesaro wants to remember Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose for breaking his teeth. Miz grants himself the award for Big Dog and again the fans think he deserves it.

This brings out Reigns but Miz knows he won’t come in down 4-1. Miz doesn’t want to hear about these lame rumors but Roman doesn’t like them being called rumors. This brings out Ambrose and Rollins with Cole saying Miz and the Bar never expected this to happen. Oh shut up Cole. The brawl is on with Miz bailing and the beatdown commences. Miz gets cornered and a TripleBomb plants him, allowing Shield to bring back the signature pose.

From later in Raw, after Braun Strowman beat Matt Hardy:

Strowman carries Hardy up the ramp but gets cut off by the Shield (now in matching t-shirts). Reigns spears him down and the triple beatdown is on. The TripleBomb puts Strowman through the announcers’ table.

Again from Raw:

Here’s Finn Balor to deal with the potential that Sister Abigail is alive. Balor thinks these threats make Bray feel like he’s scared. If that’s what Bray is all about, bring on the whole family. We cut to Bray’s empty rocking chair but Bray sits down. Bray says Finn may not be afraid of him but he’ll be afraid of her. They turned her into a monster but she chose Bray with her final breath. Now, the season of the witch is upon Balor.

A shawl appears over Bray’s face and a distorted voice says men are all the same. They just want to control everything but Bray is special. She’s seen what Bray has done to Finn so it’s time to punish him and the Demon. Abigail knows about demons and she’ll turn it into a dandelion. Her touch could have saved Finn but now her kiss will burn him to the ground. Abigail laughs and Bray returns.

Akira Tozawa vs. Tony Nese

Nese pauses to show off the bicep and gets chopped for his efforts. The standing backsplash gets two and Tozawa stomps away in the corner. Nese elbows him down though and we take a break. Back with Tozawa hitting a hurricanrana and a heck of a suicide dive for two more. Nese comes right back with a good looking pumphandle powerslam but his superplex is broken up, allowing Tozawa to hit the backsplash for the pin at 8:59.

Rating: C. These cruiserweight matches are still working just fine and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tozawa is one of the better members of the division and being a former Cruiserweight Champion is a fine calling card for his skills. I still like Nese as a midcard heel and there’s nothing wrong with him filling that role.

Once more from Raw:

Cruiserweight Title: Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

Kalisto is challenging and it’s a lumberjack match. Enzo shoulders him down to start and does a dance, only to have to stare at the lumberjacks. Back up and Kalisto kicks him in the shoulder before a front facelock takes us to a break. We come back with Enzo in control and slowly stomping away until Kalisto kicks him in the head.

A springboard crossbody gets two and Enzo is knocked outside where the lumberjacks get him back inside. Enzo rolls him into the corner to take over and Kalisto is sent outside this time. The villains get in a few stomps until Ali and Alexander make the save. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Kalisto gets in a rollup for two of his own.

The lumberjacks get in a brawl until Kalisto superplexes Enzo onto the pile. Naturally this means it’s time to talk about Shield again. Back in and the Salida Del Sol is countered into the Jordunzo but Ali pulls Enzo outside because it’s No DQ. Enzo drops Ali with a clothesline and crotches Kalisto on the top. Not that it matters as Kalisto reverses into a super Salida Del Sol for the pin and the title at 14:29.

Rating: C-. Well that was surprising. I can’t imagine this lasting long term but it’s certainly a nice surprise while it lasts. Kalisto winning opens the door for some more title challengers in the short term, though it’s almost a guarantee that Enzo will not only get a rematch but likely get the title back at the pay per view. Still though, good win for the moment.

Overall Rating: C. It’s kind of amazing how much better Raw seems when you don’t see the same clip about five times in two and a half hours. This show wasn’t great by any means but the two original matches were fine and that’s more than you often get. Now if we can just find something else for Dawson to do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

NXT – October 11, 2017: Something About How NXT Is Good

NXT
Date: October 11, 2017
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Percy Watson, Mauro Ranallo

It’s another pretty big show this week as we have a Takeover: Brooklyn rematch with Johnny Gargano vs. Andrade Cien Almas. The other big story continues to be Sanity vs. the Undisputed Era with Drew McIntyre watching over the whole thing. Roderick Strong is the other factor, as the Undisputed Era seems interested in adding him to their ranks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Asuka vacating the Women’s Title and the process to crown a new #1 contender.

Opening sequence.

Peyton Royce vs. Liv Morgan vs. Nikki Cross

The winner is in the Women’s Title four way at Takeover. Cross and Morgan yell at Royce to start and a double clothesline puts her on the floor. Nikki immediately goes after Morgan with a sleeper on her back but it’s quickly broken. Royce is back in to yell at Morgan before kicking her down without too much effort. A modified Tarantula has Morgan in more trouble but Cross makes the save by pulling Royce out to the floor in a nasty looking crash. All three are back in now and it’s Cross beating the heck out of both of them.

A crossbody takes Royce and Morgan down and a neckbreaker gets two on Morgan. Peyton throws Nikki down for a second but she takes too long trying for a superplex on Morgan, setting up the Tower of Doom. Cue the Undisputed Era of all people with Taynara Conti from the Mae Young Classic. She comes to the ring to trip Cross, though it doesn’t really do much damage. Cross neckbreakers both Royce and Morgan but Conti pulls her out at two. The chase is on and Royce catches Cross in the fisherman’s suplex for the pin at 7:16.

Rating: B-. I’m a bit surprised and I like the twist they threw in there. That being said, I’d be shocked if Cross didn’t wind up in the title match somehow. She’s one of the biggest stars the division has left and it could be interesting to put the title on someone as crazy as she is. The Undisputed Era potentially adding a female member is interesting and makes the team feel even bigger.

Lio Rush vs. Velveteen Dream

Rush slaps him in the face to start and is way too quick for Dream to catch up with. A pair of kicks to the head rocks Dream but he gets sent hard into the corner. Dream beats him down and keeps telling Rush to say his name. Rush spins around into a tornado DDT but gets caught in a Death Valley Driver. The Purple Rainmaker puts Rush away at 2:46. Rush looked good while he had the chance but this was WAY too short to be any kind of a showcase for him.

We look back at Lars Sullivan destroying Oney Lorcan two weeks ago.

Lars Sullivan vs. Danny Burch

Burch gets right in Lars’ face and gets in a shot to the face, only to take a knee to the ribs to cut him off in a hurry. Lars runs him over with a shoulder and a delayed vertical suplex, followed by a clothesline to cut Burch off. The standing Boss Man Slam is good enough to put Burch away at 2:59.

We look back at the end of last week’s title match with Drew McIntyre successfully defending against Roderick Strong. After the match they shook hands but the Undisputed Era spoke to Strong on the stage.

Street Profits vs. Damien Smith/Marcos Espada

The Profits are really starting to grow on me. Ford shouts a lot and gyrates at Smith to start things off. The Profits waste no time in hitting the World’s Greatest Tag Team’s (or the Beverly Brothers’ for you older fans) jump over the back onto your opponent’s back spot but Ford heads outside to bark. Dawkins splashes Smith in the corner and it’s a spinebuster into the frog splash for the pin at 53 seconds. Well that worked.

The Profits celebrate in the crowd.

Next week: Ember Moon vs. Ruby Riot vs. Sonya DeVille in a Women’s Title qualifying match.

Also next week: Sanity vs. Undisputed Era in a six man tag.

Johnny Gargano vs. Andrade Cien Almas

Takeover: Brooklyn rematch. Feeling out process to start as the announcers discuss what the name Johnny Wrestling means. I’d think it was pretty self explanatory but that’s never stopped WWE before. Gargano grabs a front facelock so slow Almas down but they roll up to a standoff. An elbow and a shoulder have Johnny in some early trouble and Almas has a breather in the ropes.

It’s WAY too early for the Gargano Escape as Almas is too close to the ropes. Back in and a dropkick gives Gargano a cover but not even a one count, which you don’t see that often. We take a break and come back with Almas grabbing an armbar over the top rope and kicking Gargano in the side of the head for a rather cocky two. Johnny is right back with a DDT on the arm and it’s off to a slugout. A tornado Flatliner of all things drops Almas but the spear through the ropes is caught.

Johnny sends him outside though and there’s the suicide dive. Back in and Gargano kicks him in the head but his reverse tornado DDT is countered into something like an Iconoclasm for two. An arm trap German suplex gives Almas the same but the second armbar over the ropes is broken up with some kicks to the back. Another slugout sees Gargano get two off a superkick and it’s time to go up.

Almas shoves the referee into the ropes for a crotching but Johnny isn’t about to take a super hammerlock DDT. Instead it’s a clothesline off the top and a lawn dart to send Almas into the corner. The Gargano Escape goes on but Vega takes off her jacket to reveal the DIY shirt. The distraction lets Almas get to the ropes and Gargano goes to yell at Vega. A pinfall reversal sequence goes nowhere but Gargano is sent into the corner for the double knees to the back of the head twice in a row. The hammerlock DDT ends Gargano at 16:48.

Rating: B. I’m really curious about where this Gargano story is going as they have something with him not being able to get past the DIY stuff. They can fill in a lot of time until Ciampa is back for the big showdown and Gargano can pretty much lose everything until we get to that point.

Overall Rating: B+. Five matches in less than an hour is a rather impressive performance and yet I’m not even surprised they were able to pull it off. Anymore you’re lucky to get two on any given Raw or Smackdown and yet NXT manages to pack more in and feel more entertaining at the same time. It’s another good show this week as a lot of the stories have me wondering where they’re going next, which is the polar opposite of the main roster right now. Good stuff, as usual.

Results

Peyton Royce b. Liv Morgan and Nikki Cross – Fisherman’s suplex to Cross

Velveteen Dream b. Lio Rush – Purple Rainmaker

Lars Sullivan b. Danny Burch – Standing Boss Man Slam

Street Profits b. Damien Smith/Marcos Espada – Frog splash to Smith

Andrade Cien Almas b. Johnny Gargano – Hammerlock DDT

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – May 12, 2003: There Must Be Something Good

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 12, 2003
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final Raw before Judgment Day and the big matches are Goldberg vs. Christian inside a cage and Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash. Both of these matches are Steve Austin’s ideas, which makes me think that Austin might want to stick to the being retired thing as he’s not the best match maker in the world. Let’s get to it.

Austin’s picture now appears after Bischoff’s in a funny visual.

Christian is inside the cage to start things off, saying that this match doesn’t need to be taking place. No one wants to see the new People’s Champ get battered and bruised. On top of that, he has an important photo shoot tomorrow and shouldn’t come in all banged up. This brings out Austin to say there’s nothing like the feeling of a good old steel cage. Goldberg isn’t even here yet and the match is still on.

Christian saw Austin in the back earlier and was told he was on first. It was actually a different finger and Austin repeats it here. Christian thinks Austin might be jealous of Christian being friends with the Rock because it was Rock who beat Austin at Wrestlemania. We get Austin’s new “I’m trying very hard not to lose my patience” line which isn’t working for him as a new catchphrase.

Instead, he threatens to take Christian out of the Intercontinental Title battle royal but Rob Van Dam interrupts. Rob is going to be in the battle royal but Christian thinks Rob should fight Goldberg instead. That’s not cool with Austin so Christian asks the fans for a CHRISTIAN RULES chant. Austin: “That silence means you suck.” He’s not cool with his material being ripped off and threatens a Stunner as well.

This brings out Kane to enter as well, though Rob threatens to eliminate him to win the title. Austin likes the tension and thinks the way to cure it is another beer bash. Now it’s Bischoff coming out to interrupt because there won’t be a beer bash tonight. Instead he has some challenges for Van Dam and Kane’s Tag Team Titles.

Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Legion of Doom

As a huge Legion of Doom fan, I remember this one rather fondly. Animal kicks Rob into the corner to start but gets monkey flipped for his efforts. Hawk comes in and gets kicked in the face, only to come back with a hard clothesline. Another kick allows the hot tag to Kane as house is cleaned in a hurry. The top rope clothesline drops Hawk and Rolling Thunder connects as well. Animal makes the save and loads up the Doomsday Device but Rob ducks the clothesline. A chokeslam into the Five Star puts Hawk away.

Victoria and Steven Richards threaten to take away Trish’s looks in their hardcore match tonight.

We get the short version of last week’s way too long brawl between HHH and Kevin Nash.

Chris Jericho and HHH insult Philadelphia sports teams and discuss torn quadriceps. HHH says Jericho skyrocketed to the top of the wrestling world because he tore HHH’s quad. I really don’t know how to respond to that. Anyway HHH wants Jericho to injure Nash tonight.

Goldberg arrives in a long black limo. That’s so out of character for him. Someone tries to run him over but only hits the door.

Teddy Long tries to talk Austin into giving Rodney Mack a spot in the battle royal. You need a man of color in there. Austin agrees and gives Booker T. the spot instead.

Rodney Mack vs. Ken Phoenix/Mike Phoenix

This is a DOUBLE White Boy Challenge. Ken is better known as Kenny Dykstra/Doane (17 years old here) and Mike is his real life brother. Mack throws them around to start and plants Mike with an STO. A cobra clutch knocks Ken out but Mack throws him down before the match is stopped. The second cobra clutch on Mike is good for the quick tap.

Bischoff has no comment on the Goldberg incident but runs into Freddie Blassie of all people. Freddie is here to plug his new book and calls Bischoff a rather rude name. Rico comes in to ask if Bischoff has any ideas to fix 3 Minute Warning. Bischoff has an idea and sends Rico off. He tells Blassie to meet him inside for something he has in mind. Blassie: “What are you going to do? Hang yourself?”

Austin comes up to a livid Goldberg and asks what’s up. He knows what it’s like to be hit by a car and asks if Goldberg saw the driver. Goldberg didn’t but he’ll take it out on Christian.

Blassie comes out but Bischoff cuts off the big introduction and sends Mrs. Blassie to the back. Eric plugs the book and asks Blassie how old he is. Freddie says 23 but Bischoff thinks Blassie has about three more minutes. Bischoff wheels him to the ring where Rico and the Samoans are waiting. This brings out Austin to say one of his new big ideas is to unsuspend the Dudleys.

Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning

The bell rings which would suggest a match but there’s no referee so that doesn’t seem to mean anything. 3 Minute Warning is quickly dispatched and Freddie says get the tables. One 3D through a table to Rico later and beer is consumed. That feels like them just bailing out on a story that wasn’t working and I’m perfectly fine with that.

Christian vs. Goldberg

Inside a cage and Christian brings a chair for protection. It turns out to be the same chair that Rock used to beat Goldberg down a few weeks back. Christian throws the chair at him which goes as well as you would expect. The beating is on in a hurry as Goldberg slowly starts taking him apart. Some chair shots get Christian out of trouble but he can’t get over the top just yet.

Christian misses a spear of his own and he bounces off the cage so Goldberg can slowly walk around some more. One heck of a cut has blood flowing down Christian’s head and a powerslam makes things even worse for him. The spear and Jackhammer end Christian without too much effort.

Rating: D+. Christian’s cut looked good and Goldberg was more like himself than usual here but it wasn’t even seven minutes long and there was no reason for this to be a cage match. It’s not a bad match or anything but Goldberg is just nothing in WWE at this point and this didn’t make it any better.

Flair sucks up to Austin and reminds him that HHH runs Raw. Austin isn’t convinced so here’s Hurricane to sing Kevin Nash’s praises. Ric yells but Austin tells him to shut up. Let’s have a match right now, starting in the back.

Ric Flair vs. Hurricane

You know Flair isn’t going to wait to sucker punch Hurricane and the fight is on in a hurry. They slug it out for a few seconds before heading into the arena with Hurricane being knocked over the announcers’ table. The fight heads to the ring and Flair’s pants come down because that’s always funny (allegedly). A backdrop and a high crossbody give Hurricane two and there’s a chokeslam for good measure. Hurricane adds a strut and the Shining Wizard for a close two. Flair gets in the chop block though and a Figure Four puts Hurricane away.

Rating: D+. I could have gone without Flair’s pants going down but the match was pretty much exactly what you would expect. I’m not sure what the point is in having Hurricane, in gear, losing clean to Flair in street clothes but they’ve done dumber things as of late. It’s hard to get annoyed at Flair winning though as it’s hardly an important match.

Post match HHH has to come in and make Flair break the hold, followed by a Pedigree to Hurricane.

Scott Steiner/Test/Goldust vs. La Resistance/Christopher Nowinski

Before the match, the French guys rip on America for being war mongers and claim Nowinski is the exception to the rule. The brawl is on in the aisle until it’s Test hammering on Grenier in the corner. Goldust comes in for an atomic drop and a powerslam before handing it off to Steiner. The pushup elbow wakes the crowd up a bit and it’s back to Test, who gets beaten down in short order. Nowinski grabs the armbar for a few seconds before it’s back to Steiner as everything breaks down. Goldust cleans house and it’s the reverse DDT to end Nowinski.

Rating: D. In a word, this story sucks. Test and Steiner aren’t interesting as a team and La Resistance is as simple of an evil foreigner team as you can find. It doesn’t help that you can pretty much guarantee that the French guys are going to be Tag Team Champions soon enough, just for the sake of pushing the anti-Iraq War stuff a little while longer.

We run down the pay per view card. This looks really bad.

Jericho doesn’t think much of Goldberg but on Sunday, he’ll become Intercontinental Champion again. Tonight though, he’ll take care of Kevin Nash.

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Hardcore match in Philadelphia so here’s Tommy Dreamer to cancel out Steven Richards. Trish forearms away to start and goes to the weapons but has to sunset flip her way out of trouble instead. Victoria finds a cookie sheet and they mess up a spot where Trish tries to kick it into her face. That’s fine as they just pop up and do it again, making things look even worse the second time. Victoria is right back with the spinning side slam but Trish Matrixes away from a trashcan lid shot.

The Chick Kick knocks the lid into Victoria’s face but she comes back with a leather strap for whipping and choking. Naturally, JR talks about bondage magazines. Victoria chokes her in the corner but gets taken down by a hurricanrana. The guys get in fight on the floor, leaving Trish to score with a kendo stick shot, followed by Stratusfaction for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as usual, but that’s the case with most of the women from this stretch. We’ve seen them all fight so many times, including these two in the same kind of a match about six months ago. They need some fresh blood in the worst way as we’ve just covered everything that could possibly be done. It also doesn’t help that they were missing a lot of their spots, making this more sloppy than memorable.

Kevin Nash vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho tries to jump him to start but gets swatted away by Nash’s cat-like reflexes. A right hand to the head drops Jericho so Chris starts going after the leg (which HHH totally inspired of course). Jericho charges into an elbow and gets kneed out to the floor as I’m still trying to figure out why I’m supposed to care about Nash. A chop block cuts Nash down as you can’t fault Jericho’s logic.

The leg is wrapped around the post but Nash gets in a side slam as this match is killing the crowd in a hurry. As in there was just no reaction to one of his biggest moves (and it’s not like he has many others to pick from). Jericho is right back with the bulldog and a Lionsault for two. There’s the big boot but HHH and Flair come in for the DQ, though the bell doesn’t actually ring.

Rating: D-. Just for that non-reaction to the side slam alone. The fans are absolutely not caring about Nash but that’s never stopped them from going in a certain direction before. Jericho was trying here and the leg stuff was fine but there’s not much you can do whtn the fans don’t care in the slightest.

Shawn Michaels runs down to help and the good guys clean house with Shawn counting pins to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The Legion of Doom were a nice surprise to start things off and it’s just all downhill from there. I can’t think of a single positive thing about this show and the whole show is just uninteresting and bad. I’m really not sure I can make it that much simpler: it’s not good wrestling and the stories are even worse. Anything interesting would be an upgrade at this point as I just need something to hold onto with these shows. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – October 10, 2017: Speak to Me Sami

Smackdown
Date: October 10, 2017
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

We’re past the Cell and that means it’s time to get ready for Survivor Series. The big story though is Sami Zayn seemingly turning to join Kevin Owens, though the reasoning could be very interesting. Other than that we have Jinder Mahal in need of a new challenger as he’s still the Smackdown World Champion. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long video on the end of Shane vs. Owens, including Sami saving Kevin.

Opening sequence.

Here are the very sore Usos to open things up. They knew something would change inside the Cell and now they have something to say to New Day. The trio comes out and the five of them make it very clear: they’re the best tag teams Smackdown has to offer. Every time they get together, it’s Ali vs. Frazier in the biggest match in the world.

These people didn’t see the Usos limping to the next town and walking to the hotel where the people ask them if they’re going to be ok. They have to tell their kids that everything is fine and then they go to the next town. No one but New Day understands that and that means they respect the three of them. Handshakes are loaded up but here are the Hype Bros to interrupt.

Mojo Rawley complains about the same teams dominating every week. Jimmy: “Mojo, go sit on the sidelines like you did for your NFL career.” Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable come out to say they’re the ones at the front of the line. The Usos are impressed by Shelton’s credentials but say go to the back of the line.

Cue Breezango and then the Ascension with Breezango asking them to stop following them. The Usos say they’re going to lock up the other teams. Well save for Breezango because they’re cool. Jimmy: “I like the Fashion Files too.” This brings out Daniel Bryan to say this isn’t a good night. The four teams that want shots can have a fatal four way RIGHT NOW to crown new #1 contenders.

Ascension vs. Breezango vs. Hype Bros vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

One fall to a finish. Gable and Benjamin work on Viktor’s arm to start and Shelton drops an elbow for two. An armbar keeps Viktor down until it’s off to Konnor for a knee to the face. Everyone comes in to save Gable and we take a break. Back with Rawley running Breeze over and everything breaking down again.

Ryder comes in for the Hype Ryder but Viktor shoves him into Rawley. Konnor shoves Rawley into Viktor, leaving Breeze to grab a rollup for two. The Broski Boot misses and it’s Shelton tagging himself in but the powerbomb/clotheslines combination misses. Fandango misses the Last Dance and it’s a moonsault from Gable. Now the powerbomb/clothesline combination puts Breeze away at 9:21.

Rating: C. This was too busy for the amount of time they had and I would have gone with Breezango getting the shot (or at least not taking the pin), though this is the second best option. It’s true that we need some fresh challengers and Gable/Benjamin are better choices than a lot of their other options. Oh and I guess this means no Fashion Files tonight either.

Sami and Kevin aren’t ready to talk yet.

We look at Natalya cheating to retain her title on Sunday.

Lana says Tamina will be taking the title from Natalya, who laughs it off. Carmella and Charlotte come in with Natalya saying Charlotte disappointed her dad all over again. A brawl breaks out with Charlotte getting the best of it.

Baron Corbin is glad he disappointed the keyboard warriors on Sunday and will be glad to do it again tonight.

Becky Lynch vs. Carmella

Becky wastes no time in taking Carmella down and hammering away. Carmella bails but hides behind Ellsworth, allowing her to get in a kick to Becky’s knee. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit but Becky pops back up and sends her into the corner. The Disarm-Her ends Carmella at 2:59.

Here’s Owens, now billed as victorious, for his big speech. Owens says he did exactly what he promised to do on Sunday night when he destroyed Shane once and for all. The fans almost lost him on Sunday too though as he saw the white light. Then he was standing in line at the pearly gates and St. Peter called him to the front of the line. They would love to have him up there but he’s needed more down on earth. Therefore he’s still here, complete with his own guardian angel in the form of Sami Zayn. Now his purpose is to turn Smackdown into his own personal paradise, which is why we’re here on the Kevin Owens Show.

This brings out a dancing Sami, who still does his same energetic entrance but with a bit of a smug look on his face. Kevin thanks Sami for everything he’s done but Sami needs to thank Owens. It was that apron powerbomb a few weeks ago that made Sami see everything for what it really was. He tried to please everyone and it brought him to mediocrity. During that time, Owens won all the titles he wanted but Sami still got to sleep at night. Yeah!

Maybe, if he keeps doing the right thing for 4-5 years, his time will come. Then he came to the land of opportunity and he heard about how Raw had been mistreating him. Shane gave him a big song and dance about how awesome things were going to be and that’s the last meeting he had with the new boss. That brings us to Sunday, where Sami was watching the match and Shane had Owens beat. Owens has been a lot of things to Sami over the years but he’ll always be Sami’s brother. On Sunday, Sami saved his brother. They take turns saying give it up for the other and it’s a big love fest.

Rusev/Aiden English vs. Randy Orton/Shinsuke Nakamura

English has to save Rusev from an early hanging DDT and they head outside for the opening brawl. Rusev gets dropped onto the announcers’ table as we take a break. Back with Orton fighting out of Rusev’s bodyscissors and kicking English away for the hot tag to Nakamura. Rusev breaks up Kinshasa but gets the RKO for his efforts. Now Kinshasa can finish English at 5:58. Not enough to rate but the second half was a glorified squash.

AJ Styles is ready to win the US Title back tonight.

Erick Rowan and Luke Harper, both in hooded cloaks and carrying big hammers, say there is no conscious or moral compass. The wicked will rise and there will be broken bones and severed spines. Their name seems to be the Bludgeon Brothers. I’ve heard of worse actually.

Here’s Bobby Roode to call out Dolph Ziggler for attacking him after their match on Sunday. If Ziggler wants to fight, come out here right now. Cue Ziggler, whose music and video again cut off, to say Roode looked like a million bucks before the match. Then the bell rang and Ziggler dominated until Roode cheated to win. Ziggler wants a rematch anywhere anytime so Roode says come on. You know the drill: Ziggler comes close to the ring and says on his time. This feud really doesn’t need to continue and Ziggler is just killing anything positive about it.

Roode vs. Ziggler II is official for next week.

US Title: AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin

Corbin won the title on Sunday. AJ wastes no time in dropkicking Baron outside before sending him to the floor again. Back from an early break with Corbin doing his slide underneath the ropes into the hard clothesline. Corbin misses a charge and gets caught in the ropes though, allowing AJ to slug away. The Phenomenal Blitz staggers Corbin and a dropkick to the knee takes him down again.

Baron slides to the floor and a heck of a baseball slide knocks him over the announcers’ table in a heap. Back in and the fireman’s carry backbreaker gives AJ two but Corbin sends him hard into the buckle. AJ comes right back with the Calf Crusher but Corbin heads outside again and catches AJ diving off the apron in a powerslam. Back in and End of Days retains Corbin’s title at 11:55.

Rating: C+. The ending is a bit of a surprise but it lets Corbin be done with Styles and move on to something else, presumably the World Title scene. Corbin is in need of some challengers, and I wouldn’t be shocked if it wound up being Nakamura. It’s not like he has anything else going on at the moment.

Post match Corbin says the title is his and it’s not going anywhere. He’ll buy a boat and float down a river of your tears. No one comes out and we’re done.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a lot better than I was expecting (Shane and Jinder being gone is just a coincidence I’m sure), capped off by that great Sami promo. They’ve got something here if they’re smart enough to pull it off, though if Mahal is still one of the featured attractions they’re only going to get so far. The wrestling was a nice addition but it certainly wasn’t the focus of the show tonight.

Results

Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable b. Ascension, Breezango and Hype Bros – Powerslam/Top rope clothesline combination to Breeze

Becky Lynch b. Carmella – Disarm-Her

Randy Orton/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Rusev/Aiden English – Kinshasa to English

Baron Corbin b. AJ Styles – End of Days

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – October 9, 2017: Bada Boom, Send the Hounds After Bray For Dressing Like a Woman

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 9, 2017
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

It’s Shield night as WWE isn’t exactly being subtle with this one. Last week saw the trio standing in the same room and basically saying they were getting back together, though the question is how long they’ll be able to keep this going. Your trivia for the night: the team debuted in Indianapolis, split in Indianapolis and seems to be reuniting in Indianapolis. I don’t know if WWE did that on purpose but well done if they did. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Miz/Cesaro/Sheamus beating down the former members of the Shield and the trio looking at each other to end last week’s show. Again: not exactly a subtle idea here.

This was WWE’s beat you over the head booking at its finest as they made no secret of Shield reuniting. It’s cool that they’re back together and it gives WWE something to hype up but how much better would it have been if this was a surprise? Of course WWE wanted to hype it up, which is fine, but they took all the shock value they could out of it, which really made it a lot less fun.

Jason Jordan vs. Karl Anderson

Jordan takes him to the mat with almost no effort but gets caught in a headlock to slow things down. The first suplex looks to set up a shoulder in the corner but Luke Gallows offers a distraction and Anderson dropkicks the knee out. Back from a break with Anderson working on the arm and getting two off a spinebuster. We’re right back to the armbar until Jordan fights up with some clotheslines and a drive into the corner. The first belly to belly connects but Jordan has to knock Gallows off the apron. Anderson misses a charge in the corner and it’s the wheelbarrow neckbreaker to put Anderson away at 8:16.

Rating: C-. Anderson and Gallows are now on the list of people whose mere appearance sucks the life out of me. They’re not funny, they’re not interesting, their matches are average at best and now we’re stuck with them putting over Jordan, who is only moderately acceptable in this role in the first place.

Miz is getting iced down when Kurt Angle comes in. The TLC match is officially made for the pay per view with Miz/the Bar vs. Shield.

Here’s Elias to insult Titus Worldwide, which is like a car in the Indy 500: going around in circles but not going anywhere. He thinks the fans don’t want to hear a song tonight but he loves his own voice too much to not do one. Actually hang on as here’s Titus O’Neil plucking a banjo. Titus sings a little number about Apollo Crews being Elias up next.

Apollo Crews vs. Elias

Joined in progress with Elias stomping away and working on the arm. Elias even busts out Old School (which I don’t remember anyone but Undertaker ever using outside of a match with Undertaker) but Crews fights back for a few seconds. That’s about it from him though as he gets sent throat first into the ropes, setting up Drift Away for the pin at 3:14 shown.

Rating: D. This is another match that we’ve seen a few times now and it’s not getting any better. If there’s a reason for this feud (if you can call it that) to continue I’m not seeing it, as it’s something where there’s no drama and no real story but it keeps going anyway. Titus Worldwide is a nice little idea but with no star and barely ever winning anything, it’s not exactly lighting the world on fire.

Here’s Enzo Amore to talk about how awesome he is and how he has no challengers thanks to the rest of the division attacking him a few weeks back. He wants Angle out here right now for some explaining about why he’s defending the title against Kalisto at TLC. Enzo pulls out a signed contract saying that if any member of the division attacked him, they would never get a title shot.

The deal is Kalisto was signed after that contract was signed so the title match is official. Enzo doesn’t like it so Angle switches the title match to tonight. That’s fine, as long as it’s in the main event. Angle isn’t done yet though and makes it a lumberjack match with the rest of the division around the ring.

We recap the opening sequence.

Matt Hardy vs. Braun Strowman

Matt slugs away and gets in a dropkick but the Side Effect is easily countered with a throw. Back from an early break with Matt hitting a Twist of Fate for one. Another attempt is countered into a chokeslam and it’s the running powerslam to end Matt at 6:27. Not enough shown to rate but this was basically a squash.

Post break Shield says they’re back and aren’t scared of anyone. You can believe that.

Here’s Mickie James with something to say. Mickie has felt something has been wrong since she came back. Maybe it’s her southern accent or her country music or her age. Alexa Bliss has been the worst of them all for this because she’s been doing it all behind her back. That’s the kind of champion Bliss is and then she hid behind her bodyguard. Mickie has more energy in her than Bliss has cheap hair extension and pink hair dye and the only number that matters to her is seven.

This brings out Bliss to say she’s not here to cause trouble. Bliss has put together a career retrospective on James’ career and it’s presented as an old newsreel under the title Superstars of Yesteryear in black and white. Mickie calls Bliss to the ring but the champ pulls back at the last second, calling it a move as old as Mickie is. Mickie chases her down and gets in a few shots.

Bayley and Sasha Banks are talking with Kurt Angle about getting the shot at Asuka. Alicia Fox, Emma and Dana Brooke all come in and want the shot instead.

Jack Gallagher/Brian Kendrick vs. Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali

Cedric attacked Kendrick’s ankle last week to help set this up. Ali and Gallagher get in an argument on the floor, leaving Brian to send Cedric into the corner to take over. Jack comes in for a chinlock before hammering away in the corner. Cedric gets away and makes the hot tag off to Ali so things can speed up. The rolling neckbreaker gets two on Kendrick with Jack making a save. The distraction lets Kendrick hit Sliced Bread #2 for the pin on Ali at 3:46.

Rating: D+. As usual, aside from Enzo, the cruiserweights are treated like filler on here and that doesn’t do 205 Live any favors. Why would I want to watch a show dedicated to Raw’s filler talent? That’s really the best thing they can do here? I know the cruserweights were announced in the Draft over a year ago but their limited value on Raw was used up a long time ago.

We recap Shield’s actions tonight. There’s no hiding the fact that this show isn’t exactly covered in interesting talent.

Miz comes in to see Angle to call Shield out on their saying they can face any four or five people. Therefore, he’s going to find another partner and of course it’s Strowman.

Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox vs. Dana Brooke vs. Emma

Elimination rules and the winner gets Asuka at TLC. Dana, now with pink hair, takes Sasha to the floor and it’s Alicia vs. Emma inside. Alicia pulls her away from the ropes but Dana comes back in to beat on Fox. That’s it for the team up with Fox as Dana hits her cartwheel elbows to Fox and Emma in the corner, only to have Bayley break it up. The cartwheel splash gets two on Bayley but the Bayley to Belly gets rid of Brooke. The graphic before the match announced it as elimination rules but Cole said it was one fall to a finish, meaning he was surprised by the match continuing.

Fox hits an ax kick to get rid of Bayley because she’s fallen below the ground since Wrestlemania. Back with Fox and Emma yelling at each other until Sasha runs Fox over. Fox gets thrown into Emma and it’s the Bank Statement to make her tap, only to have Emma roll Sasha up for the win at 9:43.

Rating: D+. This was full of botches and that’s not really surprising. Most of the match is designed to be spot after spot and there’s almost no way to have any kind of coherence when there’s nothing in between. You can’t get much of a match out of that, especially with four falls and a commercial in less than ten minutes.

Balor felt pure evil when Abigail spoke to him tonight and thinks Bray has unleashed something horrible. He knows what he has to do now.

Opening sequence for the fourth time tonight.

Strowman vs. Reigns in a cage next week.

Kalisto was inspired by people like Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero (who would have turned 50 today) but now, Enzo Amore is the Cruiserweight Champion. He hopes he can make the two of them proud.

The lumberjacks come to the ring.

Cruiserweight Title: Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all about a handful of ideas but those ideas were handled well enough. The ending helped as well as there was nothing wrong with giving the fans something they wanted to see to close the show. At least they got some of the card set up for TLC and there are some ways to go as we go into next week.

Results

Jason Jordan b. Karl Anderson – Wheelbarrow neckbreaker

Elias b. Apollo Crews – Drift Away

Braun Strowman b. Matt Hardy – Running powerslam

Brian Kendrick/Jack Gallagher b. Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali – Sliced Bread #2 to Ali

Emma b. Alicia Fox, Sasha Banks, Bayley and Dana Brooke – Rollup to Banks

Kalisto b. Enzo Amore – Super Salida Del Sol

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Hell in a Cell 2017: I Think I Can Breathe Again

Hell in a Cell 2017
Date: October 8, 2017
Location: Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

It’s time for the Shane McMahon Does Something Stupid Show. The main event tonight is Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens inside the show’s namesake structure as Shane fights to defend his family’s honor. Other than that we have the Usos challenging the New Day for the Tag Team Titles inside the Cell too. Let’s get to it.

On the Kickoff Show, Tye Dillinger mentions to Daniel Bryan that he beat Baron Corbin on Smackdown but Corbin is getting a US Title shot tonight. Therefore, Tye should be added to the match. Bryan agrees and we get a YES/TEN exchange with both guys doing the other’s thing.

Kickoff Show: Hype Bros vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

Shelton works on Mojo’s arm to start before it’s off to Gable, who eats a crossbody. Ryder and Benjamin come in with Shelton scoring with a spinebuster and the Bros heading to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ryder still in trouble as Benjamin and Gable take turns suplexing him. Shelton’s superplex is broken up and it’s a missile dropkick to Benjamin. The hot tag brings in Mojo for shoulders and a tilt-a-whirl slam to Gable. A clothesline takes Mojo down and Gable has to try a moonsault, only to land on his feet when Mojo moves.

Instead he belly to bellys Rawley and hits the second attempt at a moonsault for two. Ryder gets knocked off the apron as Mojo starts….uh….hyping up. The Hype Ryder is broken up (which Ryder seems to blame on Mojo) and Paydirt gives Shelton two on Ryder with Mojo making the save. The powerbomb/top rope clothesline combination puts Ryder away at 10:22.

Rating: C. Just a tag match here that you could have seen on any given Smackdown. That’s the kind of Kickoff match you want though as the fans were into the Hype Bros, even if it seems that they’re splitting. You know, because this division is so deep that they can split teams up right now.

The opening video looks at the power and devastation of the Cell itself before looking at most of the matches tonight. Standard but it still works.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Usos

The Usos are challenging inside the Cell. Before the Usos come out, New Day talks about how it’s going to be a prison break tonight when they break the Usos apart. It’s Kofi as the odd man out and they don’t even bother waiting around before finding the weapons. Two kendo sticks (rainbow colored for Xavier), a chair and a chain are brought in with New Day getting the better of it and Big E. dropping Woods (and the chain) onto Jimmy’s face for an early two.

Big E. is sent into the Cell though and Jey dives over the top to take Woods down. Back up though and Big E. spears Jey into the Cell for a heck of a crash. Woods breaks Francesca II over Jey’s back but Big E. pulls out Francesca III for the same result. And now, a cowbell is brought in with Woods hitting Jey in the ribs. If that’s not enough music for your taste, it’s time for a gong (Mortal Kombat reference) but Jimmy throws a chair at Woods’ head. Big E. gets superkicked down and it’s time for the kendo stick beating.

The running Umaga Attack drives Woods up against the Cell but Big E. is back up with a Rock Bottom off the apron into a Backstabber from Woods on the floor. Woods grabs about six kendo sticks and pins Jey up in the corner, sliding the sticks through the Cell like prison bars. It doesn’t last long but it’s a heck of a creative spot. Jimmy throws Big E. onto his shoulders for a spear through the ropes from Jey, driving Big E. into the Cell again.

Back in and the double Superfly Splashes get two and the Usos are frustrated. They bust out some handcuffs and cuff Woods around the post for some stick shots to the ribs ala Orton vs. Cena at Breaking Point back in 2009. They unload on Woods with about twenty shots in a row before letting him off the corner. That’s rather dumb no?

Big E. is back up though and cleans house, including driving Jimmy into the Cell so hard that the whole thing moves. He does it again, driving Jimmy into Jey this time around. The Big Ending gets two on Jey but Jimmy is back in with a pair of superkicks. A double superkick sets up the double Superfly Splash but Woods somehow dives in for the save. The still handcuffed Woods gets all fired up and shrugs off the kendo stick shots but they finally beat him down. With a chair put over Woods, the double Superfly Splash at 21:56.

Rating: A. The referee saying “three” when Woods was being destroyed on the post and the match ending three minutes later aside, this was a GREAT match for two main reasons. First of all, the stuff they did felt fresh. There were a ton of fun spots in here that you haven’t seen before and that’s much better than the repetitive stuff that happens so often in these matches.

Second, and more important, it felt like they wanted to hurt each other. So often the Cell matches are just big matches that don’t have anything resembling violence or carnage, which makes for some bad performances. This was a heck of a brawl and one of the better Cell matches ever. If they just have to keep feuding though, give us a few weeks/months off. Let Breezango get another shot or Benjamin/Gable or someone. Just give us a breather.

AJ Styles isn’t worried about the match being made a triple threat (with Tye Dillinger being added) and quotes a little Tom Petty in a nice touch.

Quick recap of Rusev vs. Randy Orton, which is their third match after the first two didn’t combine to last thirty seconds. Orton attacked Rusev when he was being given the key to his hometown to set up a third match.

Rusev vs. Randy Orton

An early RKO attempt sends Rusev bailing to the floor but he comes back in and fires off shoulders in the corner. Orton stomps away though and tries the hanging DDT but they head outside again. Rusev drives him into the barricade and grabs a chinlock back inside. A spinwheel kick gives Rusev two but he seems to be favoring his back.

Some big elbows are good for two but a missed charge sends Rusev face first into the post (CHECK HIS TEETH!). An RKO attempt doesn’t work so Orton settles for the snap powerslam for two instead. A fall away slam gives Rusev two more but the Accolade attempt sends Orton bailing to the floor. Back in and the hanging DDT connects but Rusev kicks him down again. The Accolade doesn’t work again though and it’s an RKO to put Rusev away at 11:43.

Rating: C+. Is there a point of having Rusev around? It’s clear that WWE isn’t going to give him anything resembling a push anytime soon (or for years to come probably) and I have no idea why they keep putting him in these spots. Oh but at the same time, we get Jinder Mahal being unfunny and uninteresting because of an India tour in December. Another eye roll inducing ending as Orton is the same with a win or a loss while Rusev takes a big hit.

US Title: Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles

Styles is defending and Dillinger was added to the match earlier tonight. Dillinger had tried to answer the US Open Challenge but Baron attacked him, setting up a mini feud between the two. Corbin was scheduled to be the challenger but Tye beat him on Smackdown, earning a spot in this match too. AJ and Tye stare Corbin out to the floor and look to go at each other, only to stomp Corbin down when he tries to sneak back in.

They send Corbin outside again and AJ rolls Tye up for two before scoring with with the drop down dropkick. Corbin punches Tye to the floor and avoids AJ’s dropkick to take over for the first time. A hard whip sends AJ ribs first into the post so Corbin chokes Dillinger in the corner. They head outside with Corbin whipping Tye into the barricade and then slugging him down.

Back in and AJ wins a slugout with Corbin (bit of a surprise) before scoring with the Phenomenal Blitz. Tye comes back in with a hot shot and backdrop to AJ, followed by that one knee Codebreaker for two. Back up and AJ slaps on the Calf Crusher but Corbin pulls Tye to the ropes for the break.

AJ dives over the top with a slingshot forearm but his second springboard is countered into a chokebreaker for a rather near fall. Tye comes back in and kicks both guys in the face until AJ Peles him onto Corbin for a heck of a false finish. The springboard 450 connects with Corbin but Tye makes the save. That just earns Tye a Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Corbin throw AJ out and steal the pin and the title at 19:30.

Rating: B-. Good match here though it went it a little longer than is needed to. Hopefully this sets up AJ in the World Title picture again (if Mahal retains tonight) as it’s the logical way to get us to that point. Tye being added was a good idea as it kept this from feeling like a dull title defense. It also opens the door for some challengers to the title, including one Sami Zayn somewhere in there.

We recap Charlotte vs. Natalya, which thankfully isn’t another Bret vs. Ric feud. Natalya is champion and Charlotte won a multi-woman match to get the shot.

Women’s Title: Natalya vs. Charlotte

Natalya is defending and this match gives her the record for most pay per view matches in women’s history. They trade early leg hold attempts but Natalya settles for some kicks to the leg to really take over. Charlotte uses the good leg to kick her away but still gets caught in a leglock.

That’s broken without too much effort and Charlotte uses the good leg for a big boot to the jaw. A powerbomb doesn’t work as the leg is too banged up so Charlotte tries a backslide for two instead. She’s still able to strut on one leg but tries a moonsault for some reason, allowing Natalya to hit her in the knee a few times. Natalya gets two off a sitout powerbomb but eats another big boot.

This time it’s with the bad knee though and Charlotte goes down, even needing to head outside. The leg is knocked into the steps and Charlotte is in big trouble. Back in and Natalya loads up the Sharpshooter, only to have Charlotte flip her into the buckles for the break. Natalya heads outside again so Charlotte moonsaults down onto her, banging up the knee again. Not that it matters as Natalya grabs a chair to hit Charlotte’s knee for the DQ at 12:18.

Rating: C. Good from a technical standpoint but I’m rather sick of seeing these two fight. Charlotte has beaten Natalya time after time and now we’re probably looking at a submission match next month where Charlotte finally wins the title. The matches are good but sweet goodness the promos to set them up are nightmares and we’re going to be sitting through them for weeks.

It’s Fashion Files time! Their bulletin board includes Cesaro as Tooth Fairy 3 and Raven as That’s So Raven. They’ve solved the 2B case and tease a flashback but wind up in the same place. Ascension, in bad disguises, come in with a delivery. It’s a tube, which Breeze thinks means 2B.

Inside the case is an Ascension poster with the message “we want 2B your friends”. Breeze says there’s no way it’s Ascension because they’re idiots. Ascension takes off the disguises and leave looking very sad. Breeze: “Those disguises were incredible!” There’s another knock at the door but it’s just a black briefcase. They open it up and the contents are glowing ala Pulp Fiction. It’s a new case, meaning Pulp Fashion begins on Tuesday.

We recap Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal for the Smackdown World Title. Basically Mahal is overconfident and thinks Nakamura is funny looking so he made some semi-racist jokes at Nakamura’s expense. Nakamura also has to deal with the Singh Brothers to make things even worse.

Smackdown World Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal is defending and grabs a wristlock to start. Nakamura takes him down without too much effort but can’t get a cross armbreaker. Back up and Nakamura says COME ON before the threat of the Kinshasa sends Mahal bailing to the floor. The champ sends him back first into the post and we hit a camel clutch back inside. A hard whip into the corner has Nakamura in more trouble and it’s off to a chinlock.

Nakamura fights up with a spinning kick to the head for a breather, followed by kicks to the chest. The running knee in the corner gets two and Nakamura adds a knee drop from the apron, only to bang up his own knee again. Back in and the Khallas is broken up, followed by a middle rope knee to Mahal’s chest.

Cue the Singh Brothers for a distraction but Nakamura grabs a rollup for two anyway. The referee finally ejects the Brothers and there’s Kinshasa to Mahal but he grabs the rope at two. Another Kinshasa hits knee though and it’s the Khallas to keep the title on Mahal (again) at 12:05.

Rating: C-. And yes, it continues. Ignoring how they had back to back matches focused on working the knee, this was your standard dull Mahal match with no heat and the fans rolling their eyes when he retains the title again. They’re more than willing to have Smackdown continue to sink for the sake of those India shows in December and if we don’t like it, get over it because nothing is changing. Boring match, but that’s all you can expect from Mahal.

Kevin Owens doesn’t want to hear about what he did to the McMahon Family because Shane has caused Owens’ family harm for the sake of feeding his bottomless ego. Tonight, Shane has to pay.

Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler

It’s a battle over entrances. Ziggler cuts off his own entrance and comes out to silence and no video. A headlock slows Roode down to start until Roode snaps him throat first across the top to really take over. Some chops in the corner have Ziggler even further in control and we hit a chinlock to keep Roode down.

It’s off to a sleeper for a good while as this is one of the worst ways they could go about having Roode’s pay per view debut. Roode fights up and sends Ziggler shoulder first into the post for his first major offense. A swinging Rock Bottom gives Roode two but Ziggler’s jumping DDT is good for the same.

Just in case you thought this match could get interesting, Ziggler grabs the sleeper AGAIN. A bulldog (called a Fameasser) gets two on Roode but the superkick is countered into a spinebuster. The Glorious DDT is countered into a rollup to give Ziggler two and they trade rollups for a bunch of near falls until Roode grabs the tights (which Ziggler was doing every time) for the pin at 11:35.

Rating: F. Nope. Not the match quality but this was the definition of a failure. Roode looked like he got lucky to steal a cheating win and Ziggler dominated 90% of the match while killing the crowd in the process. This was as bad as it could have been and every single problem they had with Nakamura’s debut against Ziggler. Terrible match and it’s entirely on the layout and booking.

Ziggler immediately hits the Zig Zag on Roode to set up a rematch.

Long recap of Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens. Kevin claimed a conspiracy against him for months and attacked Vince after securing a match with Shane inside the Cell. Shane is fighting for his family and is basically holding up a big sign saying “I’m going to do something stupid.”

Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

Inside the Cell and with falls count anywhere for reasons of Shane needs to do something outside. Owens steps into the Cell so the bell rings and Shane baseball slides him through the door. That means the bad punches make an early appearance and Shane follows up with a clothesline off the barricade.

Owens heads into the cage for safety so Shane kicks the door into his face. Back in and Shane gets knocked off the apron and into the Cell wall, allowing Owens to rub his face against the cage, right in front of Shane’s kids. Owens grabs the steps but gets kicked in the chest. That’s it for Shane’s offense at the moment though as Owens drops a backsplash for two. There’s the Cannonball for two as the crowd is just waiting for Shane to start doing something so they can care.

The Swanton Bomb hits Shane’s knees though and his legs are too banged up to do anything. Why is that something no one else can understand? Back up and Shane peppers him with some more punches, only to miss the shooting star press. Owens’ frog splash gets two but the Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a pretty messy looking triangle choke.

A powerbomb onto the steps gets Owens out of trouble and it’s table time. The table is leaned up against the table but Owens’ Cannonball off the apron misses Shane and sends him through the table for a crash. Shane hits him with a piece of the broken table and tosses a trashcan into the ring. Coast to Coast connects on Owens but his foot is on the rope, which completely defeats the point of falls count anywhere.

Shane cuts the door open with bolt cutters, allowing Owens to DDT Shane on the ramp with a thud. Owens puts him on the announcers’ table and climbs onto the barricade….before looking up at the Cell. He goes up, looks down at Shane….and can’t bring himself to do it. Instead Shane gets up and climbs to the top as well and it’s time for a slugout on the roof. Shane grabs a Russian legsweep and bangs his own head before slamming Owens on the steel.

There’s a suplex on the Cell to keep teasing the big spot. Owens takes him down for a change and drops a backsplash. The powerbomb is reversed into a backdrop but Owens gets the Pop Up Powerbomb, which still doesn’t break the Cell. Owens teases throwing him off the top but Shane punches his way out of dying.

Thankfully Owens starts climbing down and Shane follows him for some kicks to the back, followed by a ram to the cage to send Owens through the table. EMT’s come down to check on Owens but Shane picks him up and puts him on the second announcers’ table. Shane goes up but dives through the table as Sami Zayn popped up to pull Owens off the table. Sami throws the EMT’s away and puts Owens on top for the pin at 38:18.

Rating: C. I’m going with right in the middle as I got the drama here but I HATED the stunt show stuff. I’m scared of heights in the first place and I can’t stand this kind of stuff in place of having an actual match. Sami turning at the end is a good thing as he doesn’t have anything going for him at the moment and being Owens’ right hand man is the best thing he could do. We knew it was going to be the big stunt at the end and I’m glad Owens won, but sweet goodness it took too long to get there. I get the drama and all that but I really didn’t care for this for the most part, as is typically the case in the WAY too long Shane matches.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a hard one to grade as I loved the opener, couldn’t stand the Ziggler match and wanted to turn off the show during the main event for reasons that have little to do with the actual match. The show was better than I was expecting but the biggest problem was it showed how little star power Smackdown has. They need to boost some people and hopefully the main event starts us down that road. AJ vs. Mahal is the likely title program though Owens/Sami will be the top heel act going forward. This show leaves me cautiously optimistic, but I’ve been in that place before.

Results

Usos b. New Day – Double Superfly Splash to Woods

Randy Orton b. Rusev – RKO

Baron Corbin b. AJ Styles and Tye Dillinger – Phenomenal Forearm to Dillinger

Charlotte b. Natalya via DQ when Natalya used a chair

Jinder Mahal b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Khallas

Bobby Roode b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup with a handful of tights

Kevin Owens b. Shane McMahon – Pin after Shane fell through a table

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – May 8, 2003: In Which I Ask Many Questions

Smackdown
Date: May 8, 2003
Location: Metro Centre, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

With the pay per view right around the corner, it might be nice if they set up a few more matches. There’s only a few things set up already and unfortunately we’re likely in for more of the Mr. America story dominating the show. Last week’s segment was fine, but I have a feeling it’s going to overstay its welcome in a hurry. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the Mr. America story, which somehow seems to focus on Stephanie. Vince has vowed to take the mask off of America and prove it’s really Hogan.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Vince to get things going. He’s had a change of heart so tonight Hogan is going to be here tonight….via satellite from Tampa, Florida. That means Mr. America won’t be here because they’re clearly the same person. Even Canadians could figure something like this out. The YOU SCREWED Bret chants start up with Cole saying that means Bret Hart. Thanks Mikey. Vince: “You’re right I did and I’ll screw every one of you if you just give me the chance!”

This brings out Stephanie with Vince demanding to know why she signed Mr. America. She did it for the fans because she had heard about how big a star he was and all his experience. Vince wants to know why she did this, which Stephanie says was to counter Bischoff’s attempts to sign Mr. America, which is why he got the iron clad deal. The only way to break the contract is to prove that Mr. America is Hogan. That’s cool with Vince and he has Stephanie leave so he can interview Hogan from Tampa.

We go live via satellite to Hogan’s office, featuring a prominently displayed copy of his new book on the shelf, what appears to be a Divas swimsuit magazine on the table and…..a really big Home Depot catalog/book? Hogan says he wants to be back in front of the crowd because it’s killing him to not be out there.

He’d love to team up with Mr. America one day, even if there are some physical similarities between the two. Of course Hogan’s Pythons are bigger and he’s much better looking. Vince laughs it off and says we should see Mr. America right here in Nova Scotia. Hogan looks upset but quotes George Washington by saying he cannot tell a lie. There’s a chance that Mr. America will show up tonight, which is an idea that Vince loves.

I have SO many questions. Who in the world was telling Stephanie all this stuff about Mr. America without mentioning THAT IT WAS HULK HOGAN??? Who would have seen Mr. America wrestle in person and called Stephanie to tell her about him? Are we supposed to buy that Hogan was just off working independent promotions throughout his career under a mask?

Stephanie said she was told he had a lot of experience, which would suggest he’s been doing this for awhile. So some people who she apparently trusts called her and told her to sign this guy who Eric Bischoff was interested in as well but apparently either didn’t realize that it was Hogan or didn’t know/care about Vince banning Hogan from wrestling? Was Bischoff just going to sign Mr. America and hope Vince didn’t notice? Or did he have the same stupid sources too?

In theory this would have been a long term plan from Hogan but he was sent home on April 3 and the first vignette played on April 17. That would suggest that Mr. America was signed during that two week period as Stephanie couldn’t advertise him until he was signed. So he and Bischoff heard about Mr. American, got obsessed with signing him sight unseen, got into a bidding war to sign him, and then signed him in less than two weeks?

Back to the sources who hyped up Mr. America, did they sound like a San Francisco barber, a mouth from the south and a nasty sensation by any chance? Or did Hogan start doing this months ago on the off chance he lost at Wrestlemania? Oh and did Hogan sign the other contract “Mr. America”? And is he now getting two checks? There are so many questions I kind of need answered about this whole shindig. Unless this whole thing is Stephanie and Hogan being in cahoots with each other, this story really doesn’t make much sense.

Post break, Vince is told that Mr. America is here. So wait: did Mr. America pay off the production staff to lie and say they weren’t in Florida? Was the tape a fake? Did Hogan convince them all to fly back to Canada, set up a room to look like his office and then show up later? Why am I thinking about this more than I did in any class in college?

Matt Hardy vs. Eddie Guerrero

Back to back Side Effects set up a Ricochet for two on Eddie. The middle rope legdrop is broken up though and Eddie rolls some suplexes. Matt avoids the frog splash but can’t get the Twist of Fate. Instead it’s a middle rope legdrop to the back of the head for two. Matt tries another Side Effect, only to get rolled up (sweet) for the fast pin.

Rating: C. Matt was trying here, though I’m not sure what the point is in having a champion lose over and over. There are other heels you could have in this spot to protect the title but it’s not like there’s anyone around to challenge him for it at the moment. They could develop some more talent for the division but it’s not likely anytime soon.

Team Angle runs out and steals the gold medals back from Los Guerreros.

Big Show is with the FBI for some reason when some production guys carry a piece of equipment. As they walk by, a good sized guy in a blue mask can be seen.

Brian Kendrick vs. Jamie Noble

Brian is now officially Brian “Spanky” Kendrick. Before the match, Kendrick gets a CENA SUCKS chant going in honor of last week. Kendrick flips out of a wristlock to start and nips up into a kick to the chest. Sliced Bread #2 is broken up though and Kendrick is tossed outside where Nidia gets in a few kicks to the ribs.

Back in and a cravate doesn’t keep Kendrick in trouble for very long but a half crab has some more success. Kendrick fights up for a bit, only to get tossed into the corner for his efforts. An enziguri gives Kendrick two but he has to bail out of a moonsault. That’s fine as he lands on his feet and grabs Sliced Bread #2 for the pin.

Rating: C+. This didn’t have much time but they packed in some good stuff. As usual, these guys could be tearing the house down for the Cruiserweight Title but for some reason Matt is stuck as a midcard jobber. Let some of these guys have ten minutes somewhere and see what they can do, perhaps in a pay per view title match. Really, what could it hurt?

Cena is watching in the back when Mr. America comes up. John doesn’t believe his eyes.

We see the whole Big Show attacking Rey Mysterio scene from Backlash. Mysterio will be back next week.

Brock Lesnar is ready to team with Chris Benoit against A-Train and Big Show. As for the title match with Big Show, let’s make it a stretcher match. Do you know what that means? At Judgment Day, Big Show is leaving on a stretcher.

Vince is getting coffee when Funaki comes up to say Mr. America is here. The boss insists that he’s an impostor and makes Funaki make the coffee.

Here’s Mr. America as the first fifteen minutes of the show just wasn’t enough time. Vince and Stephanie are watching from a small office with what looks like the same furniture from Austin and Bischoff’s office last night. Even the plant is the same. Anyway, Vince insists that this is an impostor.

America finally starts talking and we cut to Vince’s panicked face. Back in the arena, America insists that he’s not Hulk Hogan. No, he’s actually a former 165lb accountant from Hoboken, New Jersey who bought Wrestlemania to see Hogan. There was something about Hogan that made him want to get in the gym and now he’s the physical specimen he is now. So he was 6’6 and 165lbs? That’s quite the odd visual.

Anyway here comes Vince to say that mask is coming off and Stephanie is going to come out here and make it happen. A quick distraction lets Vince get in a low blow but he can’t get the mask off. America shoves him away and right into Stephanie, who is knocked cold. The boss gets knocked to the floor and America carries Stephanie to the back. I’m guessing you can now add Stephanie to the list of people this story shouldn’t be about but will be anyway.

During the break, Stephanie was getting medical attention when Vince stormed in. She blames him for the injuries, of course. Vince freaks out and yells about Hogan.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Sable is out to watch. They do a catfight for a bit until Torrie gets a sunset flip for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Sable challenges Torrie to a bikini contest at the pay per view. Torrie unzips her gear to reveal a bra, which seems to be a yes. Considering Torrie is currently in Playboy and her entrance video is mainly her in bikinis, I’m not sure why someone is going to pay to see her in another swimsuit. The same is pretty much true of Sable but WWE doesn’t like to use common sense all the time.

Video on Kurt Angle.

Team Angle vs. Rikishi/Tajiri

Non-title. Rikishi knocks Charlie to the floor to start and sits on his chest for trying a sunset flip. He’s no Torrie Wilson. Tajiri comes in for a spinwheel kick to Shelton but Charlie offers a cheap shot to take over. A hard superkick drops Charlie though and the hot tag brings in Rikishi. Cole actually tries to convince us that Rikishi only weighs 350lbs, which might be the case if you cut off his upper half. Everything breaks down and Rikishi superkicks Haas and Tajiri adds the Tarantula. Shelton pulls Rikishi out though and it’s the superkick into the jackknife cover to put Tajiri away.

Rating: D+. The time issue strikes again as there’s only so much you can do with less than five minutes. Well that and with Rikishi in the match as he’s getting bigger and bigger every single week. I’m still not sure why Tajiri isn’t used in a more prominent role as he’s solid in the ring but stuck in jobbing roles like this one.

Los Guerreros run out and steal the picture of Angle and the gold medals.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Kendrick is on commentary. Before the match, Cena promises to rip the nose off the rhinoceros and make him need a gynecologist. Rhyno hammers on him to start and kicks Cena in the side of the head to send Cena outside. Back in and Cena scores with a suplex before cranking on Rhyno’s arms. Rhyno slugs away but gets caught by the Throwback for two. Cena is back up in a hurry but walks into the spinebuster. Rhyno is down though so Cena goes for the chain. It’s Kendrick making the save though, allowing Rhyno to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not a bad little power match here and it advances the entertaining Kendrick vs. Cena feud. Rhyno was playing it mostly even with Cena so it didn’t even feel like the last second fluke win. Cena needs a good win to keep his momentum though as he lost to Lesnar and is in a much lower level feud with Kendrick. I’m sure he’ll be fine though.

Cena goes after Kendrick and avoids a Gore from Rhyno, who hits the steps instead.

The FBI is planning something.

Judgment Day rundown.

Lesnar is on his way to the ring when he runs into Nunzio, who wants more respect. Nunzio hits him and gets Brock to run into a room, which the FBI barricades with a forklift. So he’s kind of dumb too? Big Show and A-Train are rather pleased and Show says he’s going to face Benoit on his own. Is there a reason Lesnar isn’t banging on the door to try to get out?

Chris Benoit vs. Big Show

Show has a stretcher with Mysterio, Benoit and Lesnar’s names on it. Benoit gets right in his face and is promptly chopped back down. Some shots to Show’s leg and head are shrugged off and it’s a big side slam to put him down. There’s a delayed suplex as Cole says Andre the Giant vs. Killer Khan was in 1986 (1981 really). Benoit fights out of a bearhug and dropkicks the knee, setting up the Swan Dive. The Crossface is broken up as A-Train distracts Benoit with the stretcher. That’s enough to set up the chokeslam and give Show the pin.

Rating: D. This was just a step above a squash though at least they kept it quick. Show beating Benoit with some help is an acceptable enough of a way to build him up for Lesnar, though the stretcher thing is another lame gimmick that feels very tacked on. They’d be better with something like Last Man Standing or a street fight or something but we get this lame idea instead. Also was there really a need to announce the tag match for an hour and a half and then switch it to a singles match at the last minute?

Benoit gets beaten down until Lesnar makes the save, only to take a beating of his own to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling in the first half of the show saves it from being a failure but the overkill of Mr. America is already getting to be a lot. Aside from the litany of holes in the story’s logic, you can only assume that we’re heading towards America vs. Piper or McMahon (like O’Haire would get that spot). It’s probably going to be Piper and the thought of that makes my skin crawl. The story is fine for something simple that gets a few minutes a week but this was close to a quarter of the show. That’s too much for almost any story, especially one that doesn’t have a lot of depth like this one.

The rest of the show is up and down with some good matches that very little but not much in the storytelling department. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle over Eddie and Chavo stealing stuff isn’t all that interesting and Sable vs. Torrie is what it is. That leaves you with Lesnar vs. Show, which isn’t doing much for the champ at all. Lesnar really needs a top opponent and Big Show just isn’t that person. Angle and Undertaker coming back will help things out but Lesnar has already beaten both of them. It might be, gulp, time to elevate someone for more than a month at a time.

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