No Mercy 2017
Date: September 24, 2017
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

I don’t remember being this excited for a B pay per view in a very long time. This show is all about the double main event with a combination of Brock Lesnar defending the Universal Title against Braun Strowman and John Cena vs. Roman Reigns in one heck of a big time match. That should be more than enough to carry this show so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Elias vs. Apollo Crews

No real story here as this was just thrown together for the sake of a Kickoff match. Elias sings a little ditty about Los Angeles but gets cut off by Titus Worldwide and Crews in particular. Elias shoves him away without much effort and grabs a headlock to keep Crews slowed down. An armbar has Elias in some trouble and Crews snaps off a dropkick to take over. Elias sends him to the apron though and knocks Crews outside as we take a break.

Back with Elias still in control until Crews punches him in the ribs and slowly slugs away. Crews fights out of a reverse chinlock and scores with the standing shooting star. An enziguri staggers Elias but he sends Crews into the corner, setting up Drift Away for the pin at 8:54.

Rating: D+. This felt like a long Raw match and to be fair that’s all it was really supposed to be. Apollo losing again doesn’t really do anything that bad for him as it’s not like h had anything going for him anyway. On the other hand you have Elias, who is looking more and more like someone they would like to push every single week. Good outing from Elias but not much of a match.

Elias goes after Crews again but Titus makes a fast save.

The opening video looks at the two main events and talks about how everyone has the potential to show no mercy.

Intercontinental Title: Jason Jordan vs. The Miz

Jordan is challenging after winning a six way on Raw. Miz gets a bit too cocky to start and walks into a series of suplexes for his efforts. A cheap shot to the ribs has Jason in trouble though and a DDT gets two. The dueling WHO’S YOUR DADDY/LET’S GO MIZ chants starts up as Jordan slugs away, only to get sent outside for a breather. Back in and we hit the YES Kicks to Jordan with Cole and Corey arguing over who invented them.

Jordan catches one of them in another suplex and a Saito suplex is good for a near fall. Some rolling northern lights suplexes give Jordan a bridging two and Miz bails outside again. Back in and Jordan slaps on a Crossface for a bit, only to miss the running shoulder in the corner. Another suplex drops Miz and now the shoulder hits but Jordan has to go after Bo Dallas. Curtis Axel gets in a cheap shot though, knocking Jordan into Miz for the Skull Crushing Finale to retain at 10:10.

Rating: C. Jordan’s suplexes looked great but I’m not sure that’s enough to carry him to glory. He really doesn’t have enough of a character to make it work but maybe it just needs another tweak to really start clicking. Miz retaining is the right call as he gets to keep setting himself closer towards the most days with the title.

Post match Jordan says he’s love a rematch and thinks Miz sucks, just like the chants about his father.

Long recap of Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor. Bray targeted Finn for thinking he was a false idol with the Balor Club. Bray beat him on Raw but then lost to the Demon at Summerslam. Now Bray wants to win again to show he can beat Balor himself.

Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor

Bray jumps him before the bell and sends Balor into various hard objects. The referees come out to check on Balor and start to take him to the back until Bray says that Balor is a coward who is scared of the monster in front of him. Of course those are fighting words and the brawl is on early. Sister Abigail is broken up and Balor sidesteps a charge to send Bray outside.

Back in and Bray catches him with a superplex to stay on the bad ribs like a good villain should. Finn’s shoulder is sent down into the apron as Bray is picking him apart piece by piece. Bray gets caught in the ring skirt though (That’s still a thing?) and Balor kicks him in the chest. Back in and Balor goes up, only to have Bray do the spider walk to scare the heck out of Finn.

The Sling Blade puts Bray down but he pops back up for a shot to the ribs and the backsplash for two. A double stomp gets Balor out of trouble but he takes too long going up top. Bray pulls him back down and hits a heck of a clothesline for two more. Back to back suplex throws have the ribs in more trouble (good psychological sense) but he takes too long on the ropes too. Balor hits the running corner dropkick and the Coup de Grace is good for the pin at 11:55.

Rating: C+. Better match than their last effort and hopefully this ends their rivalry so Bray can find someone else to beat him up for a change. The match ran into the same trap that so many Wyatt matches run into: I didn’t buy most of his near falls because it felt like we were just waiting around for him to get beaten. They really need to fix that if they want Bray to move forward. Balor on the other hand needs to be in the World Title picture like….oh anytime would be nice.

Asuka debuts at TLC.

Sheamus and Cesaro say they’ll win.

Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose

Rollins and Ambrose are defending. Ambrose sends both challengers outside to start but gets run over from behind by Sheamus. Cesaro rams him hard into the steps and comes up (well, he’s still on the ground but you get the idea) holding his arm. Back in and things actually slow down a bit for the referee to check on the arm so you know it’s serious. Cesaro’s boot to the face gets two and he cranks on the arm for good measure.

Dean fights up and sends him into the post though, allowing the hot tag to Rollins so house can be cleaned in a hurry, starting with the springboard clothesline and a catapult into the post. There’s the low superkick as Cesaro is bleeding from the face, due to LOSING BOTH OF HIS FRONT TEETH WHEN HIS HEAD SMACKED INTO THE POST! AND HE’S STILL GOING! Sweet goodness someone get this man a…..what the heck should he get? Sheamus is ticked off (must be a dental enthusiast) and grabs three straight Irish Curses to take Seth down.

It’s back to Cesaro (now less bloody) for a big boot to take Ambrose off the apron. Rollins slugs away anyway and avoids a charge to send Sheamus into the post. One heck of a backdrop sends Cesaro outside and the hot tag brings Dean back in. Ambrose clotheslines Sheamus outside and, while still favoring the arm, hits a suicide dive. Back in and Seth has to save Dean from a double Razor’s Edge, only to have Cesaro kick him to the floor.

That means a Sharpshooter and Crossface for Dean, who somehow makes the ropes. The double Razor’s Edge gets two and Sheamus can’t believe the kickout (fair enough, as that should be a heck of a finisher). With nothing else working, the super White Noise is loaded up but Rollins is there for a hurricanrana….which is blocked through raw power.

Sheamus gives Ambrose the regular White Noise and Cesaro superbombs Rollins onto Dean for the most ludicrous kickout I’ve seen in months. Dean collapses before a Brogue Kick can connect so Sheamus tries again, only to hit Cesaro by mistake. The wind-up knee knocks Sheamus into Dirt Deeds to retain the titles at 15:57.

Rating: B+. Do we still have Isaac Yankem’s business card? I don’t think I need to explain that this was an insanely hard hitting match with both teams beating the fire (and teeth) out of each other. I wasn’t expecting anything coming into this and while the kickouts were ridiculous at times (unfortunately that has to be plural), heck of a performance here and worth checking out.

We recap the Women’s Title match, which is a five way due to trying to throw in everyone they can. Alexa Bliss is defending, Sasha Banks is getting a mandatory rematch, Nia Jax and Emma won a tag match to get here and Bayley is just there because reasons.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Emma vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Nia Jax

Bliss is defending her right to get killed by Asuka. Emma now has new music that starts with “it’s all about me”. Uh, nothing has ever been about you Emma. Bliss and Jax are knocked to the floor without much effort and it’s a rare triple test of strength from the other three. Emma is sent outside as well to give us the big showdown, only to have Nia back in and destroy the mere mortals.

Bliss comes back in and tries her DDT on Jax, who just shrugs it off in a nearly funny moment. Banks tries a save so Nia Samoan drops her and Bliss at the same time, leaving Bayley to dive in for a save. The guillotine choke over the ropes has Nia in trouble so everyone can get together and dump her out. Nia gets right back up and grabs Emma, who slips between her legs and grabs a powerbomb with Bayley helping and Banks and Bliss dropkicking her away from the ropes.

Nia lands ON HER HEAD but thankfully seems to be alive. Back in and Banks hits Rey Mysterio’s sitout bulldog on Emma, followed by the Bank Statement on Bliss. Bayley makes a save and grabs the Bayley to Belly for two of her own. Nia is back up though and starts destroying people again, including a legdrop on Sasha for two. The monster is taken to the floor but Bliss uses the distraction to DDT Bayley and retain the title at 9:59.

Rating: B-. THEN WHY WAS EMMA IN THE FREAKING MATCH??? Of all the people they could have take the fall (and by that I mean of like three), they pick BAYLEY? The one coming back from injury after her horrible run? They have the jobbiest jobber to ever job in Emma and she’s just out there on the floor with the rest of them while Bayley takes the fall? And they wonder why no one buys into her. The other problem here is Nia, who needs to actually win something at some point in her career.

Bliss says she’s a goddess.

Clip from No Mercy 2005 with Batista retaining the Smackdown World Title over Eddie Guerrero.

Long recap of John Cena vs. Roman Reigns. Cena came to Raw to face Reigns and then destroyed him in a series of promos. Reigns talked about Cena leaving for Hollywood and says he needs to win this match to really be the big dog.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns shoulders him down to start, drawing a YOU BOTH SUCK chant. Cena actually gets out of the ring and walks up the ramp (Huh?), allowing Reigns to follow him up and get in a shot to the face to take over again. Some right hands have little effect on Reigns, who drops Cena with a single shot for two. Cena sends him into the steps for a breather but still doesn’t seem to have the killer instinct going yet.

Reigns does the same thing to him, followed by the apron dropkick. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here as Reigns gets two. Cena gets in a few right hands but a pair of kicks cut him off again as Cena has still had almost no offense. We hit the chinlock as the announcers are suggesting that Cena is starting to lose his big match skills and the stupid fans chant boring.

Back up and the shoulder block is cut off with an uppercut as Reigns is nailing the heel style. Cena’s finishing sequence is initiated but the Five Knuckle Shuffle is countered with another Samoan drop. The Superman Punch is countered into an STF but Reigns powers out into the sitout powerbomb for two more. Cena powers up again and hits the AA for two on a very near fall that I almost bought.

The top rope Fameasser is countered with a not great powerbomb for two and another Superman Punch gets another near fall. Back up and Reigns’ spear hits the post (CHECK HIS TEETH! CHECK HIS TEETH!) so Cena grabs the super AA for another very close two that I bought more than the standard version.

With nothing else working, Cena loads up the announcers’ tables but his third AA is countered into a spear through the table, though Cena kind of countered it with a DDT. Fans: “YOU STILL SUCK!” That’s only good for two back inside but another spear is countered into rolling AA’s for a two that I didn’t buy as much this time around. Another Superman Punch and another spear gives Reigns the pin at 21:48. Cole: “This may be the biggest win of Reigns’ career!” No Cole. No.

Rating: B. Yeah this didn’t really work like it was supposed to and the spamming of finishers was laughable at the ending. The fact that I bought the first AA, really bought the second AA, and didn’t buy the rolling AA’s tells you all you need to know. This was supposed to be some big win that made Reigns but he’s main evented THREE WRESTLEMANIAS IN A ROW. Excuse me if I’m not thrilled with Reigns winning the co-main event of a B show. It’s a big win, but this wasn’t anything close to the level of epic they were hoping for.

Cena raises Reigns’ hand and sits in the corner after Reigns leaves. The fans applaud and give him a THANK YOU CENA chant because they’re acting like he’s retiring for some reason. Cena goes to the ramp, turns around and salutes before leaving.

Miz tells Kurt Angle he wants a special MizTV with Roman Reigns tomorrow night because that win was the same as retiring the Undertaker. Angle agrees and says it’s opening the show. Translation: PLEASE DON’T WATCH MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!

Cruiserweight Title: Enzo Amore vs. Neville

Enzo is challenging and comes out dressed like Beetlejuice. Before the match, Enzo runs his mouth about taking the king’s queen (Enzo: “What is a king without a queen?” Still a king you buffoon.) and something about cookie dough. Neville wristlocks him to start and takes Enzo down with a front facelock. A backflip out of trouble just earns Enzo a kick to the leg as Neville doesn’t seem to be sweating this one too much.

Neville sends him head first into the corner and stomps away, followed by a sliding kick to the head. All champ so far and you can feel the screwy ending coming. One heck of a superkick drops Enzo again and more kicks have him reeling. Neville goes up but takes too long jawing at the fans for the Phoenix splash. The DDG gets a close two on the champ but he throws Enzo outside and over the barricade. With the referee at nine, Enzo holds up the title and dives back in. The referee takes it away, allowing Enzo to hit a low blow for the pin and the title at 9:43.

Rating: F. Enzo Amore is Cruiserweight Champion. This is a failure.

D for those of you who are picky about this kind of stuff. It was a squash with a screwy finish.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman, which is going to be a big collision. Strowman is the biggest monster that Lesnar has ever faced and he might not be enough of a beast to conquer him.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman

Strowman is challenging. Brock gets shoved down to start and a takedown attempt is shoved away. The first German suplex is no sold and Brock gets chokeslammed (Graves: “CHOKESLAM CITY BROCK!”). Braun’s running powerslam only gets two and Heyman is panicking. An elbow and headbutt block another German suplex attempt and Brock’s back gives out on an F5 attempt.

Braun posts him and sends Brock hard into the corner, only to miss a charge. Strowman gets caught in the Kimura and despite Braun grabbing the ropes four times, he settles for a spinebuster to break the hold. It’s Suplex City time with numbers two thru six having Strowman in trouble and Lesnar in a puddle of sweat. The F5 doesn’t work though and a second running powerslam plants Lesnar. A third only gets two on Brock as the fans aren’t reacting to these near falls. Back up and the F5 retains the title out of nowhere at 8:58.

Rating: D. Well that was garbage. They had something going in the first few minutes but Brock just shrugged everything off and hit the F5 to retain. You know, likely because we need Reigns vs. Lesnar II in New Orleans. Braun made one big mistake coming into this match: he got himself over when he wasn’t supposed to and WWE isn’t changing their plans for anyone, especially if the World Title is involved.

Overall Rating: B. That was a heck of a surprise as everything I was looking forward to was either disappointing or just bad and almost everything that I wasn’t interested in was good stuff. Reigns vs. Cena was certainly entertaining though nowhere near as big as WWE thinks it was. Strowman vs. Lesnar….yeah we all bought into the false hope that we’re getting ANYTHING other than Reigns vs. Lesnar II in New Orleans. It’s a shame, but I can’t really say I’m surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.

The rest of the show was actually very good with the low point being…..I guess Balor vs. Wyatt? I had a good time with this show, even if it was for the polar opposite reason I was expecting to. Still though, it’s one of the better B shows they’ve done in a long time and the good stuff at the beginning more than makes up for the lackluster main event.

Of course nothing makes up for Enzo winning. That’s a wound that will never heal.

Results

The Miz b. Jason Jordan – Skull Crushing Finale

Finn Balor b. Bray Wyatt – Coup de Grace

Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose b. Cesaro/Sheamus – Dirty Deeds to Sheamus

Alexa Bliss b. Bayley, Nia Jax, Emma and Sasha Banks – DDT to Bayley

Roman Reigns b. John Cena – Spear

Enzo Amore b. Neville – Low blow

Brock Lesnar b. Braun Strowman – F5

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Backlash 2003
Date: April 27, 2003
Location: Worcester Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

If WWE held the least important pay per view in recent memory, does it matter in the slightest? This is a glorified Raw pay per view with a handful of Smackdown matches thrown in to fill out the card. It’s a really bad time for WWE at the moment and I don’t remember looking forward to a pay per view less than this one in a long time. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Rock vs. Goldberg, which is billed as a dream match (fair enough) but the build really hasn’t done it any favors. No other matches are mentioned.

As a side note: Scott Steiner beat Rico in the dark match. I know you hear about how big of a collapse his WWE run was but my goodness I never realized it was this bad.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros

Eddie and Chavo are challenging. Team Angle brings out a framed picture of Kurt, complete with medals hanging off the corner. Haas starts with Eddie with the champ getting rolled up a few times for some early near falls. It’s off to Chavo, who stops to lay over the top rope for a bit of fun.

Benjamin comes in as well and Chavo actually wrestles him down, which only seems to give Benjamin a bit more of a serious look. A knee to the back slows Chavo down but Eddie gets in one of his own to keep Benjamin in trouble. What’s good for the champ is good for the Guerrero perhaps? Eddie gets in a few cheap shots on the floor and puts something into his boot. The slingshot hilo gets two as this has been all Guerreros to start.

For some reason Eddie lets Shelton tag out and some choking from the apron lets the champs take over. Shelton does the jump over Haas spot for two before slapping on one of his own. A powerslam sets up another chinlock as the match has slowed considerably. Haas comes in to stay on the back but a few kicks to the head allow Eddie to make the hot tag.

Heel miscommunication puts both champs in the corner but Shelton gives Chavo a good looking powerbomb. Eddie is right back in with Three Amigos to Charlie and Chavo gets a very near fall. A great looking frog splash crushes Haas so Chavo can get two more with Shelton making the last minute (perhaps post last minute) save. Chavo tries a suplex but it’s the Bobby Heenan Wrestlemania V finish with Shelton holding his foot so Haas can get the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: B-. Good choice for an opener here with the mostly fast paced action and a few hot near falls near the end. They got some time to make this work as well and it was a better match as a result. Eddie and Chavo will be fine as they’re so smooth in the ring that they can make almost anyone look better than they can on their own.

Post match, Los Guerreros jump the champs and steal the belts, leaving in a great looking green car.

Torrie Wilson tells Test to stop calling her but he keeps hitting on her anyway. Test calls her a tease for being in Playboy and insists that she wants him. Being a human, Torrie says no because A, he’s Test and B, she’s Stacy Keibler’s friend. Torrie goes to leave but Test pulls her back and kisses her. She storms off as Sable looks on with a rather evil smile. This storyline just went from stupid to REALLY bad n near record time.

Before the next match, here’s Roddy Piper with a basket full of coconuts. Piper: “I have a loverly bunch of coconuts.” He introduces Sean O’Haire and promises that he’ll teach Rikishi that everyone pays the piper. When purchasing coconuts perhaps?

Sean O’Haire vs. Rikishi

Rikishi wins a slugout on the floor to start and throws O’Haire inside for the opening bell. An early Samoan drop gets no cover as Rikishi has to go after Piper, allowing Sean to get in a superkick. We hit the neck crank with some kicks to the back thrown in for good measure. The fans keep booing something in the crowd as Rikishi fights up and splashes O’Haire in the corner.

Sean pretty easily kicks away the Stinkface as Piper gets inside with the coconut. That goes nowhere as a double superkick puts both guys down. Piper comes in again but gets coconutted to the head. The distraction is enough for O’Haire to hit the reverse Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: D-. Terrible match of course but points for putting someone young over. I know the focus is on Piper (not a surprise) but at least they’re trying to push someone fresh. I’d come up with something other than the Snuka vs. Piper feud from twenty years ago, though at least they don’t have Snuka getting back in the ring. Yet at least.

Sable tells Stacy that Torrie kissed Test and even gave him the advance copy of Playboy a few weeks ago. I’ve started typing a few different things about how stupid this is but I think it speaks for itself. I mean…..Eugene was presented as ten times smarter than Stacy in this segment.

Rob Van Dam likes being a champion but says it doesn’t matter what happens tonight because Chief Morely (guest referee, as announced on Heat) won’t let he and Kane retain. Kane says they’ll take everyone down with them.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are defending and Morely is guest referee. Bubba jumps Van Dam from behind to start but a quick leg trip gets him out of trouble. A standoff slows things down but more importantly allows Van Dam to hit that signature pose. Bubba drops him with a right hand and does the same pose to a rather negative reaction. It’s off to D-Von vs. Kane as this is already feeling like a glorified Raw match. The abundant amount of empty chairs would seem to back up that theory.

A big boot gives Kane two and it’s back to Bubba to change things up a bit. The fans want tables but have to settle for Kane getting two off a spinebuster instead. Morely hasn’t been much of a factor so far. Van Dam’s split legged moonsault is good for two but it’s time for some good old fashioned cheating. D-Von comes in sans tag to draw Kane in as well, meaning Van Dam has to take What’s Up.

It’s off to a chinlock and Bubba actually comes in with a basement dropkick. Rob finally gets in a kick to the face and the hot tag brings in Kane. Everything breaks down and it’s Rob’s top rope kick to D-Von’s face. Rolling Thunder hits Bubba but Kane comes back in with the top rope clothesline to D-Von.

Morely finally does something by hitting Kane low but a second swing hits Bubba in the jaw by mistake. That’s enough for D-Von who beats on Morely but Lance Storm comes in with a springboard clothesline. Bubba dispatches Lance without too much effort and it’s a 3D to Morely. Kane grabs a chokeslam on Bubba and the Five Star is enough for the pin from another referee.

Rating: C-. Overbooking aside, this wasn’t half bad but it was really just a longer version of what they do on Raw most of the time. The story is out of gas at this point and unfortunately that ending is likely to see it continue for whatever reason. The division needs more teams and hopefully the evil French guys can help out a bit.

Since this story hasn’t gone on long enough, Stacy goes to see Torrie, who says Test kissed her. Stacy doesn’t buy it and a cat fight is on. I have no idea why most of these women are here when they’re not on the card, nor why Ivory is in a towel despite not having a match.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending and comes in banged up. We get a staredown early on until Trish actually takes her down without too much effort. A backbreaker gets Jazz out of trouble and we hit the double chickenwing. Trish gets thrown down by the hair and Jazz sits on her ribs for good measure. The comeback is short lived as Trish charges into a boot in the corner and the Stratusphere is countered into something like a super Styles Clash.

Jazz goes with a weak half crab but Trish reverses into the full thing. The Chick Kick gets two and Stratusfaction gets the same with Teddy Long throwing in a shoe (make your own Austin Powers joke) for the save. The referee believes that Teddy didn’t do it, despite the fact that HE’S ONLY WEARING ONE SHOE! Trish tries a sunset flip but Jazz sits down on it and grabs the rope for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Rather solid match with a finish that felt like it belonged in the NWA. Above all else though they both looked comfortable out there, which is a big step up from most of the women around this company. Good little match here and the finish should hopefully help set up some fresh challengers for the title in the not so distant future.

Booker, Shawn and Nash agree to trust each other but Nash wants HHH for himself. Well they would be the only ones to want that match.

We recap Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio, which is entirely built around a single 619 that knocked Show down. For some reason, this warrants a pay per view match.

Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey trips him down to start and Show is annoyed again, earning Mysterio a toss into the corner. One of the hardest chops you’ll ever see or hear has Rey’s eyes bugging out of the mask and he rolls outside. Back in and Show stands on the chest for a bit until Rey slips out of a gorilla press. Some right hands stagger Show but Rey heads outside again, this time for a chair. The referee is conveniently knocked away so Mysterio can get in a chair shot, followed by the springboard seated senton for two. A 619 to the leg sets up a 619 to the face but the West Coast Pop is countered into the chokeslam to give Show the pin.

Rating: D-. Well that happened. I have no idea why this needed to be on pay per view as they could have either done the exact same thing on Smackdown or had Mysterio face Matt Hardy for the Cruiserweight Title here. But no, the solution was to give Big Show a squash win, likely so he can have a big match next month. And of course Mysterio is the only person you can put in here against him because you can’t have show win a competitive match against a name of equal value (Benoit would have been a better choice). Putting this on pay per view in this form was ridiculous and more booking that makes my head hurt.

Mysterio does a stretcher job but Show picks him up and swings the backboard (with Rey still attached) against the post. Just in case you didn’t get the entire idea from the match you see. The bump looked great though.

HHH, Ric Flair and Chris Jericho are ready for the wholesome trio tonight.

Torrie and Stacy get in another fight until Scott Steiner saves Stacy. Test FINALLY returns to yell at Steiner for carry Stacy to the trainer.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena. Lesnar won the title at Wrestlemania and Cena has been calling him out both before and since the title win. Cena then won a tournament to earn the shot so it’s an actually well built match. Unfortunately it’s also the biggest match on the Smackdown side and feels like a slightly glorified TV main event.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

Cena comes out in a Yankees jersey which must have his skin crawling. His rap talks about how he’s going to be added to the list of great champions, meaning he’s crazy like Mankind and coming at you from so many angles that you’ll call him Kurt. Cena jumps him at the bell and slugs away but you can only do that for so long against Brock. Two backbreakers into a fall away slam has Cena in trouble and Brock at the cut on his forehead from Smackdown.

A front facelock keeps Cena in trouble as Tazz goes into his rare yet useful explanation of how to get out of a hold. Brock stomps away in the corner and there’s a gorilla press for good measure. Cena wisely bails out to the floor and grabs a chair but settles for throwing Lesnar into the steps instead. The cut is busted open so Cena slugs away back inside. A running shoulder sends Lesnar to the apron and there’s the middle rope Fameasser to put him fully outside.

Back in and we hit a chinlock for a good while before a DDT gives Cena two. Lesnar grabs a spinebuster to put both guys down for a breather as Cole starts talking about momentum. Tazz thinks whoever is up first might have the advantage. Thanks for that analysis there buddy. Cena is back up with a chinlock and a bodyscissors for a rather long while.

Back up and Cena gets driven into the corner for the break and it’s comeback time. Some clotheslines and a powerslam give Lesnar two. Cena is smart enough to almost send Lesnar into the referee, allowing John to hit a low blow for two more. It’s chain time but a quick F5 retains the title.

Rating: C-. Pretty watchable match (save for that long chinlock) but there was no hiding the fact that Cena was in way over his head and had almost no chance to win the title. Lesnar did what he could and sold a lot, though there’s only so much you can do when the ending is never in doubt. Cena would have his day of course but it just wasn’t here yet.

We recap the six man tag, which was all about who is Nash’s best friend. In other words, it’s a story that all of five people are interested in and for some reason we have to do this six man tag instead of HHH vs. Booker T. II here and Nash doing his hair somewhere instead. This is little more than a pit stop before Nash gets his big singles title match that isn’t interest in and no one wants to see anyway. This gets the music video treatment because it’s the big match in the eyes of the people who matter the most around here.

Kevin Nash/Shawn Michaels/Booker T. vs. HHH/Ric Flair/Chris Jericho

Nash wants to start with HHH but thankfully we do Shawn vs. Jericho instead. Jericho punches away in the corner but Shawn speeds things up and starts a pinfall reversal sequence. A Walls attempt is broken up and it’s off to Nash to hammer on the arm. Jericho skins the cat (I still want to know how it got that name) but Nash is smart enough to be right there with a big boot.

It’s off to Booker, who scores with a kick to HHH’s jaw, only to get caught in the facebuster. The spinebuster puts Booker down and it’s off to Flair for the old school portion. Shawn comes in off a missed elbow drop and house is quickly cleaned. Sweet Chin Music connects but HHH is right there with a Pedigree for the save. HHH and Flair take turns beating on Shawn until it’s off to Jericho for a hard belly to back.

Now the villains start in on the knee but an enziguri puts Flair down. That’s enough for the hot tag to Nash and we get the showdown with HHH. I’m sure the fans are all going to start cheering as soon as the shock wears off so ignore that silence thing. Snake Eyes and the side slam are good for two on HHH with Flair making the save. The chops have no effect with Nash fixing his hair while Ric fires them off.

Everything breaks down and Booker ax kicks Jericho to set up the Spinarooni. Sweet Chin Music is broken up and Flair grabs the Figure Four as Nash loads up the announcers’ table. He comes in for the save instead (how nice of him) but shoves Flair into the referee. The sledgehammer to the head puts Nash away.

Rating: D. So yeah, instead of doing HHH vs. Booker and Shawn vs. Jericho or Flair, we’re stuck with HHH beating Nash to likely set up HHH vs. Nash for the title. As usual, 2003 makes my head hurt and somehow we’re not even close to done with this story. The match wasn’t the worst by any stretch but sweet goodness it was boring and not the way to make me want to see anything else on Raw.

We look back at Mysterio being destroyed in case you didn’t get the idea the first time.

The update on Rey: there is no update.

Long recap of Rock vs. Goldberg, which doesn’t really have much of a story. Rock is coming off beating Steve Austin at Wrestlemania and Goldberg just showed up to attack him. The match was agreed to and Goldberg has been chasing him since. It’s basically Rock being a huge star and someone getting to beat him before he heads to Hollywood permanently.

Rock says he’ll win and doesn’t care much about Goldberg. This felt like nothing but the time filler that it was. The fans chant for Rock all over again.

The Rock vs. Goldberg

The entrances take a long time and Rock hits the floor before the bell as they’re hitting the stall button hard here. They stare each other down as the match hasn’t actually started yet. We’re finally ready to go after several minutes of killing time, which isn’t what this show needed. Goldberg shoves him away off the lockup, which isn’t that surprising as Rock isn’t known as a power guy.

They do it again with Rock falling to the floor this time around. Back in and Rock slaps him in the face, only to get run over with a shoulder. Rock bails again as the announcers debate music. We hit another long stall until Rock snaps him throat first across the top. Goldberg grabs a Rock Bottom but takes way too long on the spear, allowing Rock to send him into the post. The Sharpshooter goes on for a bit before Rock goes with a low blow.

That means nothing either and it’s a spear to cut Rock down. No Jackhammer though as Goldberg gets two off a slam instead. Good grief END THIS SHOW ALREADY. Rock hits a spear of his own (called a spinebuster by Coach, which isn’t that far off actually) and the Rock Bottom gets two. Now the spinebuster actually connects and the People’s Elbow gets two more. Goldberg pops up, hits a spear, ignores the GOLDBERG SUCKS chant, adds a second spear, and finishes with the Jackhammer.

Rating: D-. This was about as dumb as they could have gone with Goldberg doing the same kind of match that every WWE main eventer has with the multiple finishers and trading moves instead of doing the formula that got him over in the first place. It was a completely terrible debut match with Rock’s selling alone completely outshining everything Goldberg did.

Compare this Goldberg match to his recent return (true story: he wrestled more in this match than in a match, a Royal Rumble appearance, a title win and a title defense) and look at which got better reactions, more entertaining matches and just more success overall. It’s not hard to figure out why one was better than the other and a lot of it has to do with booking Goldberg like Goldberg and not like any other star.

Overall Rating: F. The problem here is much more based around this show not being necessary, at least not in this form. The Smackdown stuff was completely unnecessary with most of the blue matches being TV worthy at best and horrible at worst. If you can’t even fit Chris Benoit, Matt Hardy and Undertaker on the show (yet there was time for FOUR Stacy/Test/Torrie segments), just cut the Smackdown part out and let it be a Raw pay per view. Turn the six man into HHH vs. Booker II for the title and do Shawn vs. Jericho II with Jericho getting his win back while Nash is guest enforcer or something.

Then there’s the show itself, which peaked at a just somewhat above average Team Angle vs. Los Guerreros opener. The wrestling was terrible throughout with matches either not needing to exist or being so uninteresting that there was no reason to care about them. This show felt like it was running overtime and didn’t even make it to two hours and forty five minutes. It was an awful show which could have either been a standalone Raw show or just not existed and I don’t think anyone would have really noticed. Just awful stuff all around and a really bad sign of things to come.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2003
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a Smackdown main event. This time around it’s going to be rookie upstart John Cena challenging Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, meaning it’s likely time for a big face to face showdown. Other than that it’s Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper tonight for reasons I don’t even want to begin to understand. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show with Cole making sure to say that “we are just 72 hours away, three days, from Backlash”. I have that 72 hours, three days thing burned into my head after hearing Cole say it all those years.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Before the match, Cena raps his history, which basically summarizes the tournament and says he’s winning on Sunday. He also promises graphic footage to prove that Lesnar shouldn’t be champion. Rhyno wins the early power battle and sends him outside, only to get dropkicked on the way back inside.

A middle rope Fameasser with Rhyno draped over the ropes has Rhyno in trouble and it’s time to start in on the neck. Back in and we hit the armbar for a good bit until Rhyno fights up with a powerslam. The still yet to be named Throwback sets up the ProtoBomb but Rhyno catches him in a spinebuster. The Gore misses though and Cena rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here and I kind of like the idea of Cena making a power guy miss a catch him on a quick pin as it gives him another option to take the title from Lesnar. Unfortunately it wasn’t a great match in the first place, but at least Cena won and beat someone that the fans still care about.

Mr. America is coming.

The FBI annoys Chris Benoit for losing last week when they had a bet on him. They want their money back but Nunzio winds up with a match against Benoit instead.

Sable flaunts her body to Josh Matthews and hypes up the Sable Invitational body contest later tonight.

Some wrestlers toured a Navy ship earlier this week.

Chris Benoit vs. Nunzio

Stamboli and Palumbo get in some shots from behind while Nunzio has the referee. As usual the referee has no issue with Benoit being down despite his opponent not touching him and doesn’t even yell at the other Italians. They trade some chops with the Canadian getting the better of it (well duh) but Palumbo trips Benoit again. The Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser) gives Nunzio two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. An enziguri finally gets Benoit out of trouble and grabs the rolling German suplexes. Nunzio pops up but the springboard armbar is countered into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D. I’m hoping they pull the plug on the FBI thing in the very near future as it’s just not interesting. Nunzio is the best worker of the team and even he’s only decent. On top of that, it’s such a simple and not very interesting idea. They’re just stereotypical mob thugs and that’s far from good enough to survive. At least Benoit won though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match.

Tajiri and Funaki watch Rey Mysterio 619 Big Show last week and have a hearty laugh. Cue Big Show to destroy the TV and VCR to blow off some steam.

Rey Mysterio vs. Crash

Crash is now an MF’er, meaning a follower of Matt Hardy, who only uses low fat salad dressings. Tazz dubs Crash a Moore-On as he’s working his way up to MF’er. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor but gets armbarred for his efforts. The sitout bulldog is countered with a belly to back suplex (Crash is the first person to come up with that counter?) but the kickouts frustrate Crash. Now the bulldog works fine and the springboard seated senton sets up a tornado DDT to give Rey two. The 619 sets up the springboard legdrop to put Crash away.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help Rey get ready for Big Show on Sunday. Crash doesn’t exactly fit the mold for a goon as he wrestled his usual not great match here without looking like anything more than a bad wrestler. This should be setting up Rey vs. Matt but it’s Rey vs. Big Show for reasons I don’t understand.

Cena gives A-Train a pep talk and shows him Lesnar giving him a very scary F5 that saw A-Train landing on his head. That was edited off the actual broadcast if you don’t remember seeing it. A-Train wants to end Lesnar.

Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper

Unfortunately Piper wrestles (work with me here) with his shirt off and the blinded referee doesn’t see Sean O’Haire hit a low blow. Some right hands knock Piper backwards and Sean takes a few of his own but O’Haire comes in to break up the Stinkface for the DQ.

O’Haire beats him down even more and adds the reverse Death Valley Driver.

The evil French guys (now officially La Resistance) are still coming.

It’s time for Sable’s body contest. Before anyone comes out, Sable says this is designed to see if anyone can be as sexy as Torrie. However, Torrie won’t be here tonight because she’s feeling a bit fat lately as she hasn’t been able to get to the gym with all the Playboy stuff. Nidia and Dawn Marie come out and are about to do their thing until Torrie comes out, as expected.

Nidia and Dawn do their thing and get their standard reactions. It’s time for Torrie, who hits on Sable, giving her kind of a standing lap dance, complete with lollipop, and….loses anyway. The beatdown is on and Torrie is left laying as this story is now more confusing than anything else. So Sable is now a lesbian cougar who didn’t interest Torrie but now Torrie is interested (or just playing the proverbial “mind games”) but Sable isn’t interested? Is that where we are?

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Team Angle is dedicating their win on Sunday to Kurt. Shelton takes him down without too much effort but lets Chavo up pretty quickly. Chavo scores with a dropkick and a clothesline as Tazz thinks Eddie stole money from him. Why were Los Guerreros never accused of stealing the FBI’s money a few weeks back? It’s kind of their thing to do.

Chavo’s hurricanrana gets two but he walks into a belly to belly for the same. A quickly broken camel clutch doesn’t do Shelton much good as Chavo grabs a flapjack. An STF that John Cena would think looks bad has Shelton in trouble but Charlie Haas pulls him over to the rope. The referee yells at Eddie for going after Haas, allowing Charlie to turn over a rollup and give Shelton the pin.

Rating: C-. They tried to put a bit too much into this and it wasn’t as good as I was expecting. At least they actually set up something for Sunday as that hasn’t seemed to be the case for most of the night. Chavo is the weaker of the team but he’s certainly capable of having a good match. There was a bit too much interference to let that work here though and it was kind of a mess as a result.

Cena talks trash to Lesnar.

Big Show vs. Tajiri

Show catches him without much trouble and a clothesline cuts off the kicks. A charge misses and Show crotches himself, allowing Tajiri to fire off more kicks. Show’s kick drops Tajiri again but here’s Mysterio’s music for a distraction. Not that it matters as the chokeslam plants Tajiri. Cue Rey in person to post Show, drawing a countout.

Rating: D-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Show has been humiliated twice in a row and is likely to squash Mysterio on Sunday, Rey is little more than a fly who is going to be swatted in the actual match, Tajiri gets treated like a jobber and Mysterio/Tajiri beating Team Angle to start the whole thing meant nothing at all. If someone would be interested in pointing out a positive in this whole mess, please let me know.

Stephanie McMahon is bent over a table for no apparent reason other than she probably thought she looked good that day (granted she’s not wrong). She’s an All-American girl and is happy to have Mr. America here next week.

Backlash rundown.

Brock Lesnar vs. A-Train

Non-title with Cena on commentary. Lesnar’s pyro when he jumps to the apron seems to shake Cena, which you don’t see very often. Joined in progress after a break with an exchange of power shoves. We hit a front facelock with Brock rolling A-Train around like he’s not even there. Back up and a big collision puts both of them down and it’s another staredown.

Brock finally gets a more definitive advantage by clotheslining A-Train to the floor, allowing Cena to trash talk even more. The distraction lets A-Train kick him in the face to take over, followed by the chinlock. Brock fights up but gets puts right back down with a hard shoulder. A powerslam works a bit better for Lesnar, only to have A-Train grab the Derailer for two. Cena: “WHAT’S UP WITH CHIODA DOG??? WAY OUT OF POSITION!” The F5 plants A-Train a few seconds later but Cena comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Slow, plodding power match here with an obvious and dull ending. Lesnar winning is fine and A-Train got in some big shots despite having no change to win. There’s no hiding the fact that Lesnar vs. Cena is the only Smackdown match that matters on Sunday but it’s looking like little more than a glorified squash. Bad main event to a bad show.

Cena chains Lesnar in the head and hits the Death Valley Driver (now the standard AA). A belt shot to Lesnar’s head ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The best thing on the show was a lackluster Chavo vs. Shelton match as it’s clear that the Smackdown side of Backlash means absolutely nothing. Brock vs. Cena is the distant third biggest match on the pay per view card and everything else is complete filler. This show did nothing to shake that idea as the whole thing was Lesnar vs. Cena and everything else, none of which was interesting in the slightest. It was a terrible show and another part of a horrid stretch for the brand.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Main Event
Date: September 21, 2017
Location: SAP Center, San Jose, California
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Vic Joseph

It’s time to get ready for No Mercy and that means the big hype for the two main events. This week is one of the biggest cards for a B show in company history and that means we might be in for a special night on Sunday. Therefore, you can pretty much guess what we’ll be seeing on this show. Let’s get to it.

In memory of Bobby Heenan.

Opening sequence, still featuring a bunch of people who will never be on this show.

Heath Slater vs. Dash Wilder

Heath is introduced as “one half of the tag team of Rhyno and Heath Slater.” That’s quite formal no? Hang on a second as Slater has to remove the shirt, which Wilder takes and declares himself to be the daddy. Slater grabs an armbar to start but gets his head taken off by a hard clothesline. Wilder slugs him down without much effort and puts on a headlock to keep things slow. Back up and Slater scores with the side kick, followed by a running neckbreaker for two. Wilder gets the same off a powerslam, only to have Heath slip out of a suplex and hit Sweetness (implant DDT) for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: C. Slater is still a perfectly fine choice for an opening act like this and there’s nothing wrong with that. The fans love him and he’s not hurting anything by beating a tag wrestler whose partner is on the shelf. Slater doesn’t have much of a singles resume but it’s better than Wilder’s, who has barely ever done any singles work.

From Raw for the first time.

Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Non-title. Alexa bails to the floor to start before completely failing at a waistlock. Nia chokes her a bit and Bliss goes up the ramp, only to be cut off by Sasha Banks. Jax runs Bliss over again and we take a break. Back with Nia going shoulder first into the post and a dropkick staggering her again. Bliss’ high crossbody gets countered into a Samoan drop for the pin at 6:39. Not enough to rate but this was a squash. I’m not wild on a champion being pinned clean but it fights the story perfectly in this case and is a lot more acceptable.

Sasha comes in and gets tossed down as well. Cue the returning Bayley (hometown girl) to help Sasha and Alexa clear Jax to the floor. Bliss celebrates with them and gets beaten down as well. Sasha and Bayley celebrate a bit.

Long video on Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar.

It’s Hispanic Heritage Month (and they only took two weeks to start talking about it) so here’s a video on Rey Mysterio. Makes more sense than the Jennifer Lopez one on Raw.

Mustafa Ali/Lince Dorado vs. Tony Nese/Ariya Daivari

Nese shows off the bicep to start but still manages to send Dorado into the buckle a few times. That’s some pretty bad technicoing. Dorado hits his Lionsault press for two and a hurricanrana puts Nese down again. A double flapjack does the same to Daivari so the villains hit the floor and bail before the double dives can hit. We take a break and come back with Daivari clotheslining the heck out of Dorado to take over.

There’s a double suplex for two and it’s Nese grabbing a bodyscissors to keep Dorado down. The handspring Stunner finally gets Dorado out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Ali for his usual stuff. The rolling neckbreaker out of the corner gets two, followed by a moonsault using Dorado as a springboard. Back in and the tornado DDT plants Daivari, followed by the 054 for the pin at 11:20.

Rating: C+. These matches might be a bit repetitive but they’re always at least somewhat fun. The cruiserweights fly all over the place and put on a heck of a show, which is all you can ask for in a ten minute match. These things aren’t designed to do anything more than entertain and that’s what they’re doing here.

We’ll wrap it up here.

Here’s Roman Reigns for a chat as this show is allergic to actual wrestling. Reigns gets booed but he thinks this should get booed anyway. Some people think Cena is the best talker of all time but sometimes he says some stupid s***. People have been talking about Reigns being the next Cena but he’s not a white guy with a military crew cut. If he was, he wouldn’t have a job here. If you don’t believe that, just ask Alex Riley.

Reigns calls Cena a fake guy and shows us a clip from five years ago with Cena talking about Rock being a part timer who keeps bailing to Hollywood. Reigns asks if Cena should come out here and brings up the loss to Rock at Wrestlemania. Roman will see San Jose next time and says he’ll see Cena on Sunday, movie star. This was FAR better from Reigns as he actually made a point and told a story (Reigns is the guy that Cena claimed to be and actually backs it up by being here) while also not having Cena (a far better talker than Reigns could ever hope to be) cutting him down every few seconds.

Overall Rating: C+. Another good show here as I’m actually fired up for Sunday’s double main event. I could easily see either match closing the show and that makes for an interesting way to run a pay per view. The wrestling here was fine but there’s no pretending that this was anything more than a last minute push towards the pay per view, as it should be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

205 Live
Date: September 19, 2017
Location: Oracle Arena, Oakland, California
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and its one cruiserweight match. As usual it’s for the Cruiserweight Title and as usual it’s Neville defending the title. This time it’s against Enzo Amore and they’ll be going face to face tonight. Other than that we have the fallout from Jack Gallagher turning heel to join Brian Kendrick last week. Let’s get to it.

We look at Enzo’s debut and rise to the top of 205 Live, despite the fans starting to sour on him at least a little bit. This also includes Braun Strowman attacking him last night and leaving Neville to pick the bones.

Opening sequence.

Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick

Kendrick tries an early boot but gets elbowed in the face to start, followed by a baseball slide for good measure. Back in and the springboard clothesline misses so Kendrick knees him in the face for two. A butterfly suplex sets up a chinlock on Cedric for a bit, followed by a Japanese armdrag to send him into the corner again. That means a straitjacket hold but Cedric fights up again and hits the springboard clothesline. Kendrick is right back up with a kick to the ribs and Sliced Bread #2, only to have Cedric reverse into a rollup for the pin at 5:27.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and Cedric winning was the right call. Cedric continues to be one of the best stars around here and a nice addition to any show. Kendrick and Gallagher could be a good heel tandem but Gulak seems to be the star instead of Kendrick, which isn’t the biggest surprise in the world.

Post match Kendrick runs his mouth, allowing Gallagher to run in for the double beatdown.

Post break, Gallagher says he saw the scars on his face after his loss to Kendrick and realized he would rather be a winner than a joke.

Here’s Drew Gulak, with new music (thank goodness) to complain about his time in fashion jail last week. Breezango will be hearing from his attorney, which happens to be him. That brings him to last week, where he was interrupted while explaining his vision for a better 205 Live. After comparing himself to Galileo (another genius whose brilliant theory was held down), we continue the PowerPoint presentation! Slide #6 (of 277): no cell phones! Cue Akira Tozawa to cut him off again though and it’s time for a match.

Noam Dar vs. Akira Tozawa

Gulak is on commentary and ripping on Titus O’Neil. Tozawa starts fast with the backsplash but Dar kicks the legs out and starts working on the leg (Gulak: “NOW he has a reason to scream!”). Tozawa fights up without too much effort and sends Gulak outside for a suicide dive. A running European uppercut gives Dar two but an enziguri puts him right back down. The top rope backsplash puts Dar away at 4:01.

Rating: D+. Too short to mean much here but it advanced the feud well enough and it’s not like Dar means anything in the first place. Tozawa is still one of the top stars on the roster and can be used to make someone like Gulak, who hasn’t had the most success. At least he has a character now and that could go somewhere if they use it properly.

We recap Rich Swann defeating TJP last week.

TJP congratulates Swann for the win last week and says they have great chemistry together. Swann agrees but thinks they’ll get a bit too intense. He already has Lince Dorado tonight anyway, which TJP understands.

Rich Swann vs. Lince Dorado

And never mind as Dorado is laid out in the back. Swann goes to see what’s up and gets taken out by TJP. He even rips out part of Swann’s hair and drops him over the barricade.

Here’s Neville for the big closing talk. He talks about this Sunday’s card, which will include some big matches and one comedy match as he destroys Enzo Amore once and for all. Enzo thinks he’s ready to step up to his world and it’s time for Neville to knock him down. Cue Enzo with a taped up shoulder but Neville cuts him off, accusing Enzo of “spelling like a chicken”.

Enzo thinks Neville is jealous, which Neville finds funny when he’s better in every conceivable way. That’s true actually, but Enzo is twice the superstar that Neville will ever be. The fans aren’t sure what to think of that so Enzo rants about all of his merchandise and hanging out with celebrities.

Neville is a big fish in a small pond and Enzo is the shark that’s invaded the water. Neville doesn’t care about any of that because Enzo just can’t fight. Enzo says that’s true and kicks Neville low to end the show. So to recap, Enzo says he can’t wrestle and doesn’t really care about winning things because it’s all about making money and hanging with celebrities. And he’s the good guy in this whole thing?

Overall Rating: D+. Not a great show this week but it sets up some stuff for the future. Above all else, there are multiple stories going on at the moment and it makes for some good stuff. I’m worried about Enzo winning the title as all signs seem to point to it, though I’m really not sure if they’ll go through with it. I know it sounded great on paper for the last several months but sweet goodness it’s not doing much for me in reality. This wasn’t the best show but it laid some much needed ground work, which is much more important.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 21, 2003
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a major main event for a change. This week will see HHH defending the Raw World Title against Booker T. in a Wrestlemania rematch, but there’s something a bit bigger to cover. Tonight is also the second Rock Concert as Rock is ready to deal with Bill Goldberg this coming Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Ric Flair is in Eric Bischoff’s office complaining about Bischoff’s actions of late. Bischoff calls it compelling television and makes Shawn Michaels guest referee for tonight’s title match. Flair is livid but seems to calm down when Bischoff suggests that Shawn might beat Booker up out of principle.

Opening sequence.

Chris Jericho vs. Hurricane

Fallout from last week’s main event. Hurricane throws the cape over Jericho’s face to start and hammers the Canadian out to the floor. That means a big dive as the announcers debate whether or not Hurricane is a real superhero. Back in and we hit a very early Walls of Jericho, sending Hurricane bailing to the ropes. Jericho sticks with the back and grabs a chinlock with a knee to the spine.

Hurricane fights up with a running clothesline and neckbreaker for two but the Overcast misses. It’s too early for the Lionsault though and Hurricane gets two off the Shining Wizard. The chokeslam gets the same with Jericho getting a boot on the ropes as this is already better than it should have been. Back up and the Eye of the Hurricane is countered into the Walls for the tap.

Rating: C+. Not a great match here but Hurricane continues to show off his more than adequate in-ring skills. If they were to, say, have him win another big match it might actually go somewhere. As usual, this is a case where the Intercontinental Title would do wonders for them but instead the focus needs to be on Shawn vs. HHH vs. Nash for the only title worth anything. Brilliant indeed.

Post match Flair runs out to beat on Hurricane, including the Figure Four.

Rock arrives and he’s got a guitar. Rock: “No no no, it’s not boo. It’s the Rock Concert TWO!”

Rodney Mack vs. Sean Evans

Behold, the debut of the Teddy Long Five Minute White Boy Challenge. Teddy promises that this will be off the hizzle fo shizzle. In about as long as it takes me to look up what that means, Mack crushes the jobber while Jerry defends himself from running against a black man for Mayor of Memphis. A running powerslam ends Evans in less than two minutes.

Booker T. asks Shawn what’s up with him being guest referee tonight. It was in this arena where Shawn superkicked him out of the NWO, which Shawn says makes them even after last week. That’s how Booker wants the match tonight called: even.

Goldberg got to meet some troops earlier today.

Coach brings out Lita for her first appearance on Raw in over a year. She’s gotten some great news from her doctor but here’s Bischoff to cut her off. Bischoff sends Coach off and tells the fans to cheer for Lita. In a rather out of character moment, Bischoff creepily hits on her and suggests that she do Playboy instead of wrestle. After the fans get done being rather pleased with Bischoff’s suggestion, Lita says no way. Bischoff offers to just let her give him a private showing instead, or just sleep with him to save her job. Lita tells him where he can go and walks off so Bischoff fires her.

What was the point of this? Bischoff is a lot of things but he’s not the creepy predator like Vince. This was completely out of character for him and felt much more awkward than evil. I can buy people trying to get the Divas to sleep with them to keep their jobs but Bischoff isn’t that kind of villain. I’m also not sure what the point of this was in the first place, though it’s good to have Lita back.

Flair and HHH want some insurance for the title match. HHH has an idea.

3 Minute Warning vs. Test/Scott Steiner

Chris Nowinski is on commentary. Jamal takes Steiner into the corner and hammers away to start before Rosey comes in with a side slam. The announcers talk about Stacy as Jamal breaks up a hot tag attempt. Jamal misses a top rope splash and the hot tag brings in Test for the running clothesline in the corner. The pumphandle powerslam gives Test two as Rosey splashes Jamal by mistake. Rico kicks Stacy down so Steiner checks on her, allowing Rosey to splash Test. Not that it matters as Steiner comes back in for a reverse DDT and the pin on Jamal.

Rating: D. 3 Minute Warning had a lot of potential but sweet goodness they’ve become one of the lamest acts I’ve seen in a long time. They’re just big guys who do the stereotypical big man offense, which is about as interesting as you can get. Test and Steiner are no better as Stacy continues to be the only good thing about either of them, which really isn’t all that surprising. You can tell the story is going to continue as well, which is far from the best news.

Post break Test and Steiner yell at each other until Stacy breaks it up.

Kevin Nash comes in to see Bischoff and talks about being brought in under the false pretense of teaming with HHH and Shawn. Nash says he’s going to pick a side and it’ll be the winning one.

Rock is warming up for the concert and promises a surprise.

Here’s Rock for the concert. After a hitch of the pants and some annoyance at the Rock chants, we’re ready to go. First up is Goldberg on My Mind but the fans chanting for Rock makes him snap again. Rock has had enough of this and calls Goldberg out right now….and it’s time for another Gillberg cameo, complete with fire extinguishers and sparklers.

After some jokes about Gillberg’s physique, Rock reads the words to The Rock Went Down to Georgia. Gillberg dances a little jig and the real Goldberg arrives in the back. As Goldberg comes through the back, Rock says that Gillberg is in trouble for the years of impersonations. Goldberg comes out so Rock hides behind the security, which is quickly dispatched.

Rock bails so security gets beaten down, leaving Gillberg to try his luck. That’s enough for Rock to sneak back in (as sneakily as a 6’5 275lb wrestler in leather pants can be) for a Rock Bottom before running again. We head to the back where Rock gets in the Hummer limo. Goldberg jumps in his Barracuda to give chase but the car stalls. Well of course it does. Goldberg gives chase on foot but Rock pops up, having faked running away. How shenanigany.

Trish Stratus and Spike Dudley are here for a match but Chief Morely comes out to introduce their opponents, who will also be challenging Rob Van Dam and Kane on Sunday.

Trish Stratus/Spike Dudley vs Dudley Boyz

Bubba powerbombs the heck out of Spike and Trish is even more scared than she was before. D-Von can’t bring himself to attack her though, leaving Bubba to splash Trish instead. Morely wants Trish put through a table but D-Von won’t have anything to do with it. Van Dam and Kane come in for the save. The guys all leave so Jazz and Teddy Long run in to beat down Trish with the Jazz Stinger sending her into the unset table.

Rock is still here and ready for an encore.

HHH and Nash are having a chat.

Rock is in the ring and it’s time to continue the concert. Before he can get a single note out though, here’s Goldberg to beat him down again. Christian comes out to take Goldberg down from behind though and the beatdown is on. Rock spears Christian down but gets chaired in the back for the real beatdown. It’s nice of them to have Rock get in some shots like this, but I can’t imagine this is making people think he has a chance on Sunday.

Backlash rundown.

Shawn talks to HHH.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T.

HHH is defending with Shawn Michaels refereeing. They slug it out with Shawn breaking it up multiple times until Booker takes over with some chops. A side slam gets two as the announcers discuss the Trojan Horse. Flair gets knocked off the apron and here’s Jericho at ringside because this match isn’t big enough already. A few shots to Booker’s back while HHH has Shawn distracted (probably planning the next slumber party) take us to a break.

Back with Booker fighting out of the sleeper as Lawler wants to know why Shawn is allowing Jericho to stay at ringside. Fair question actually. The spinebuster gives HHH two and the kneedrop is good for the same. The slow beating continues as King talks about how great it is to see the Kliq back together.

Everyone used to talk about them you see. As usual, the problem is that they were never a thing on WWE TV and it’s WWE assuming that everyone knows and/or cares about the backstage stuff. If that’s what you’re going with, at least make it clear what you’re talking about instead of just acting like it’s something everyone already knows. HHH grabs the second sleeper until Booker fights back with a side kick to put both guys down.

Another side kick triggers the real comeback, including a third kick to knock HHH out of the air for a rather near fall. The missile dropkick gets two more as Flair is out of the jacket and panicking as only he can. HHH grabs a DDT but the Pedigree is broken up, setting up the ax kick. Flair and Jericho have to be dealt with before the cover though and HHH gets out again.

The Houston Hangover is loaded up but HHH shoves Shawn into the ropes for the crotching. Why this isn’t a DQ isn’t clear but it’s good for two more. Shawn deals with Flair as Booker hits ANOTHER kick, only to have Jericho get in a belt shot. For once though Shawn is actually smart enough to figure this out and won’t count. Instead he superkicks HHH and decks the other villains but they come back in to break up the count, setting up the no contest.

Rating: B-. The match was good, especially if you forget that Booker STILL doesn’t have a big singles win as he’s stuck in the middle of the Kliq’s family fighting. The match was good enough and helped to set up Sunday but that brings us to the big problem: a World Title match and the main event of the Raw World Title match at Wrestlemania is being used to set up a nothing six man tag. That’s quite the stretch for priorities and it’s not a good thing. Having a match be good doesn’t make up for the fact that it’s all to set up such a stupid story and actually makes it far worse.

Nash comes out to play peacemaker but HHH decks him from behind to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Where do I even begin? Above all else, the two top stories on this show range from stupid to completely uninteresting. You can take your pick between Rock having to pretend that the fans love Goldberg and that he actually has a chance of winning on Sunday or HHH, Shawn and Nash arguing over who gets to keep the kid (pick which of those is which) after their divorce in matches that mean absolutely nothing.

The six man isn’t going to be used to elevate Jericho or Booker but it gets Nash and Flair main event spots for the simple reason of who they hang out with backstage. I’m assuming we’re heading towards Goldberg as the top face star, but not until Nash vs. HHH gets to headline a few pay per views, despite the fact that ONLY Nash and HHH are interested in seeing that match.

What did we have aside from this stuff? Bischoff being creepy, Test and Scott Steiner fighting over Stacy Keibler, Chief Morely as the enforcer who makes the Dudleyz beat up Trish Stratus and the Five Minute White Boy Challenge. I have no idea how this is considered their best possible option but I would love to have that explained to me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 19, 2017
Location: Oracle Arena, Oakland, California
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

I’m getting used to this idea of having title matches booked in advance of the TV shows. This time around we have the US Title on the line as AJ Styles defends against Baron Corbin, who said he was answering this week’s Open Challenge in advance. And there’s that whole Kevin Owens attempting to murder Vince McMahon deal. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending of last week’s show with Owens destroying Mr. McMahon in a heck of a beatdown.

Here’s Shane McMahon to open things up. He calls his father one salty SOB, which is really not a nice thing to say about your grandmother. Last week Shane sat with his kids and watched his father and their grandfather get the beating of a lifetime. Shane talks about the family’s toughness and condemns him to a beating of a lifetime inside the Cell.

Randy Orton vs. Aiden English

English sings about Orton hearing voices in his head because it’s full of lead. Orton wastes no time by hitting the powerslam in the first minute but Aiden slips out of the hanging DDT. They head outside with English dropping him onto the announcers’ table as we take a break. Back with Orton fighting out of a chinlock but getting dropkicked right back down. English goes to the second rope….and dives right into the RKO for the pin at 7:10.

Rating: C-. I could go for more of English getting in some offense as the singing character is something that could get him a nice little run. It’s not like they have anything else going on so give it a try. Orton is likely going to continue his “feud” with Rusev, which will hopefully last longer than fifteen seconds next time.

Post match here’s Rusev to talk about Orton turning his homecoming into a national disgrace. Rusev is going to change things right now….and let’s ring the bell.

Rusev vs. Randy Orton

English distracts Orton and it’s a superkick to end Orton at 11 seconds. I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE FIFTEEN SECONDS THING!!! That sounds like payback for what happened at Summerslam, which is still a dumb idea, especially if Orton wins in a long match at the pay per view. Just give Rusev a win or two that matters and things will be better, not just having this stuff that means nothing more than a fluke.

Rusev is very excited with the win and says he’ll return home as a conquering hero.

Here are Jinder Mahal and the Singh Brothers to make fun of Shinsuke Nakamura’s face again, including his mad and artistic faces. Mahal makes fun of Nakamura’s voice and hair, followed by some Mr. Miyagi jokes. Fans: “THAT’S TOO FAR!” We get some Punjabi and that’s about it. Aside from probably being racist, this showed that these two have nothing to say to each other and are only fighting because one of them has the title.

Nakamura says it won’t be so funny when he wins the title.

Here’s AJ Styles for his title defense but before the match, AJ says Kevin has bitten off more than he can chew. He attacked the man who is responsible for all of us being here tonight. As for Corbin, AJ is tired of him trying to short cut his way everywhere. The big bad wolf can huff and puff but he’ll never blow down the house that AJ Styles built.

US Title: AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin

Styles is defending but Corbin jumps him during the Big Match Intros. Tye Dillinger runs in to jump Corbin though and hurts his ankle. AJ is up for a running forearm and the Calf Crusher on the bad leg. No match of course and we’ll just wait on the announcement for the match being moved to the pay per view.

Post break, Corbin isn’t happy.

Here’s Charlotte for the first time in a good while. She’s been gone for about six weeks while her father has been healing up and he is making a comeback. Since she’s been gone, Charlotte has learned how fragile life is and from now on she’s going to make the most of every moment she can.

Cue Natalya to says he’s here to host the first ever Celebration of Women. There’s a covered up picture put up behind Natalya as she talks about how important women have been to the world. The picture is unveiled and of course it’s of Natalya herself. Charlotte likes the picture and says she’s coming for the title. This brings out Becky Lynch to say the title is coming back to its proper owner.

Now it’s Naomi to call Natalya a crazy cat lady and throw her glowing hat into the title hunt. Hang on a second though as it’s Tamina and Lana interrupting because this company has no idea how to book a women’s division aside from just throwing everyone into one match. Natalya leaves and says she’s not a crazy cat lady but here’s Daniel Bryan to make the multi-woman match to crown a new #1 contender for later tonight.

New Day vs. Hype Bros

Non-title with the Usos on commentary. Mojo grabs an abdominal stretch on Big E. but gets sent outside for a break less than a minute in because we can’t break ten minutes of wrestling on this show. Back with Kofi in trouble in the corner until Mojo misses a charge into the post. The hot tag brings in Big E., who misses the hip swivel Warrior Splash. Ryder adds the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot for two. Kofi hits the running dive over the top onto Mojo, leaving Ryder to take the Midnight Hour for the pin at 6:26. Not enough shown to rate but this was entertaining while it lasted.

We look at the Vince beatdown again.

Owens joins us live via satellite and apologizes (fans aren’t cool with that) for what happened last week. He apologizes to the WWE Universe and to the McMahon Family, but Shane had this coming. This is all on Shane, who drove Owens to do what he did last week. Last week, Owens was looking at Shane when he attacked Vince. He has one more apology and it’s to anyone who watches the pay per view. What he did to Vince is nothing compared to what’s going to do to Shane. It’s good that they’re going to Hell because people like Owens don’t go to Heaven.

Mojo says he’s tired of losing and something has to change.

Here’s Dolph Ziggler for his usual stuff: he’s the best in-ring performer ever and entrances don’t mean anything. First up it’s HHH, which means he can run NXT now, even if he’s not wearing mom jeans. Ziggler looks upset and says stop the show. That means Heartbreak Ziggler with Dolph saying he can feel himself losing his smile. The last one is the DX entrance, complete with the glow sticks. Ziggler’s two words for you: WHO CARES? He wants to know who is supposed to care about two dads trying to sell you stuff. Ziggler is the best ever and the fans couldn’t care less.

Naomi vs. Charlotte vs. Tamina vs. Becky Lynch

The winner gets Natalya at the pay per view. It’s a brawl to start and we’re on a break less than a minute in. Back with Charlotte and Becky breaking up a near fall before fighting each other. Becky kicks her in the ribs but Naomi crossbodies both of them for two on Lynch. Naomi grabs a Stunner for two on Charlotte as Natalya is watching in the back.

The reverse Rings of Saturn is broken up and it’s Becky grabbing the Disarm-Her. Tamina breaks that up as well but gets sent into the post. Becky’s bouncing kick in the corner is broken up and Charlotte spears Tamina down. She plants Naomi too and the moonsault hits both of them for a double near fall.

The Figure Four goes on but Becky dives in with a legdrop for the save. Tamina is back in with a Samoan drop on Becky and the Superfly Splash for two with Naomi making the save this time. Lana pulls Naomi outside but the distraction lets Charlotte kick Tamina in the face for the pin and the title shot at 9:57.

Rating: B-. This was good while it lasted and would have been better if we didn’t miss about a fourth of it for the sake of a commercial. Charlotte or Becky winning was fine here and they would have been a bit nuts to not go with Charlotte, especially with the book coming out and her dad’s health. It was a fast paced match though and that’s what this show needed.

Overall Rating: D+. This one ENTIRELY depends on how you care for your show. The big problem on this show is very simple: there was less than twenty five minutes of wrestling in two hours with about ten of that taking place during commercials. That’s terribly low, even by WWE standards. Based on that, it’s a horrible show.

However, this show was much more about hyping up the pay per view and I could get behind the idea of a show that gives away less action on the unimportant shows and saves it for the pay per views. On top of that I’m more interested in the pay per view than I was coming into this week, which is quite the step up. This show certainly isn’t for everyone but I liked the change of direction and you can see a lot more stuff added to the pay per view from here. It had a lot of negatives (low in-ring time, the Mahal stuff, Rusev/Orton) but the change of pace was very nice for a little switch.

Results

Randy Orton b. Aiden English – RKO

Rusev b. Randy Orton – Superkick

New Day b. Hype Bros – Midnight Hour to Ryder

Charlotte b. Naomi, Tamina and Becky Lynch – Big boot to Tamina

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 18, 2017
Location: SAP Center, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and that means we should be in for a hard push towards Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman. I say should be because it’s not entirely clear if that’s going to be the case or not due to Lesnar’s limited appearances. What we will be having though is Alexa Bliss facing Nia Jax for the first time ever. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Bobby Heenan. If there’s not a long video package on him tonight, be patient. WWE has a tendency to like to wait until they have the time to set these up.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up. He talks about Sunday’s two big matches but gets cut off by Miz and the Miztourage. Angle congratulates him on his upcoming fatherhood but Miz cuts him off to say he doesn’t want to hear it. This is the second straight pay per view where the Intercontinental Title won’t be on the line. Not so fast though as Angle has a fatal four way planned for tonight to crown a new #1 contender.

Tonight it’s Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jason Jordan and Elias facing off to get a shot on Sunday. Miz rolls his eyes about Jordan being in the title picture and says it’s only because he’s Angle’s son. They get in an argument about who is the better father but here’s Jordan to interrupt. Jordan wants his shot but Miz insults Angle, triggering a brawl. Jason fights off the Miztourage without too much effort and the Angles/Jordans/whatever you call them stand tall.

Post break Jordan is frustrated but Angle gives him a pep talk, basically saying it’s ok to not fight back every time someone brings him up. If Jordan wants to get back at Miz, go take his Intercontinental Title.

Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Non-title. Alexa bails to the floor to start before completely failing at a waistlock. Nia chokes her a bit and Bliss goes up the ramp, only to be cut off by Sasha Banks. Jax runs Bliss over again and we take a break. Back with Nia going shoulder first into the post and a dropkick staggering her again. Bliss’ high crossbody gets countered into a Samoan drop for the pin at 6:39. Not enough to rate but this was a squash. I’m not wild on a champion being pinned clean but it fights the story perfectly in this case and is a lot more acceptable.

Sasha comes in and gets tossed down as well. Cue the returning Bayley (hometown girl) to help Sasha and Alexa clear Jax to the floor. Bliss celebrates with them and gets beaten down as well. Sasha and Bayley celebrate a bit.

The announcers plug the Network with the easiest sales pitch they can have: sign up for free for thirty days and you get two free pay per views. That really has seemed to be the big solution to so many of their problems.

Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas are now in the #1 contenders match.

We see some Tweets from wrestlers about Bobby Heenan’s passing.

Long video on Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman, featuring video from Brock Lesnar from 2002 talking about how dominant Lesnar truly is. This turns into a video on Lesnar’s current run with Heyman talking about how no one can conquer him. Then it’s clips of Strowman manhandling Lesnar at Summerslam and laying him out multiple times. This turns into a more traditional look at the match with Heyman talking about how Lesnar isn’t used to facing someone bigger or stronger than he is. The question comes down to whether or not Strowman is bad enough to take down the baddest man in the world.

Here are Sheamus and Cesaro for a chat before a match. Sheamus talks about the love of nostalgia and thinks it’s kind of boring. You have the people wrapping themselves up in the blanket of the Hardys and pretending it’s the good old days. They destroy nostalgia acts and you can ask the Hardys for proof of those things. Cesaro says nostalgia will fade soon enough, just like the nostalgia for this reunion between Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. They’ll be there to take the Tag Team Titles when the team falls apart because they are the bar.

Cue Ambrose and Rollins to call Cesaro and Sheamus a cross between Braveheart and Taxi Driver. Ambrose says they’re brothers and sometimes brothers fight, but they would never let a brother leave the house dressed like that. Now it’s Anderson and Gallows to say they’re the good brothers. They call the champs nerds and that’s a bit too much for Ambrose. No one calls him a nerd and the brawl is on. Ambrose and Rollins clean house without too much effort.

Asuka is coming.

Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Anderson and Gallows

Non-title and one fall to a finish. Sheamus and Gallows slug it out for a good while before Seth springboards in with a clothesline. Ambrose and Rollins double team Sheamus until Sheamus runs Rollins over. It’s off to Cesaro, who swings Ambrose into the barricade to take over.

Gallows drops a series of elbows until Ambrose rolls away, allowing the hot tag to Rollins. Everything breaks down and Seth’s sunset powerbomb gets two. Ambrose breaks up a double powerbomb on Rollins and the Magic Killer gets two on Seth with Dean making another save. Back from a break with Cesaro knocking Rollins off the apron and into the barricade. We hit the chinlock for a bit before a 3D of all things gets two.

Back up and Seth sends Sheamus into the post, followed by a tornado DDT on Cesaro. The hot tag brings in Ambrose for a superplex on Anderson, followed by the top rope elbow. Ambrose and Rollins hit back to back suicide dies and everyone is down. Sheamus makes a blind tag right before Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds on Anderson. That’s enough for Sheamus to slide in and steal the pin at 18:47.

Rating: B-. Good match but the usual problems abound. These matches just keep going because there’s no one else for the teams to face and there’s no reason for them to continue otherwise. Couple that with I’m supposed to be interested in seeing them fight again just six days after they fought here. Not that it matters as they’ll likely be fighting again the next month because they don’t have anyone else to slide into the spots. Give us something fresh, even if it’s for a month or so.

Miz gives Miztourage a pep talk but they’re not thrilled. Dallas cites his history of giving motivational speeches and Axel talks about his family’s history with the Intercontinental Title. Miz doesn’t seem thrilled but wishes them luck.

Video on….the first Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania XXI. Uh, sure?

Video on Roman Reigns vs. John Cena, focusing on how they were both prospects and rose up the ranks in a hurry. Cena was the guy and now Reigns wants to be the guy. Reigns doesn’t like Cena being a part timer who gets all the credit for what Reigns does while Cena basically says Reigns can’t fill his boots.

Goldust is in Angle’s office without face paint. He wants one more shot with Bray Wyatt and he’s asking as Dustin Rhodes. Angle gives in and grants the match.

Curt Hawkins is in the ring to say the Star Factory is closed. Instead it’s the Curt Hawkins History Machine and tonight, his losing streak comes to an end.

Curt Hawkins vs. Apollo Crews

How sad is it that I knew it was going to be Crews because I knew this was the kind of spot he would be in? Hawkins takes him down and grabs a chinlock, followed by a rollup with trunks for two. The enziguri into the toss powerbomb ends Hawkins at 2:19. That’s 116 losses in a row for Hawkins.

Lesnar and Strowman have a sitdown interview (in different places). Heyman doesn’t think much of Lesnar being the underdog because that was the case when he conquered the Streak. Strowman is confident because he’s destroyed people before and will do so again. Heyman talks about Lesnar not being able to train for Strowman because there’s no one like him.

Last week Strowman popped up from a German suplex so this Sunday, Lesnar will just have to take him to Suplex City all night long. Strowman doesn’t care because he’s in charge no matter what. Heyman goes into his usual speech about Lesnar’s accomplishments but Lesnar cuts him off. He thanks Strowman for challenging him because that’s when he’s at his best. He’ll see Strowman on Sunday in Suplex City.

Notice the difference between this and Reigns vs. Cena. Strowman has gotten one up on Lesnar and Brock seems like he has to go up a level on this one. It makes you wonder if Strowman’s dominance will hold up or if Lesnar has that extra gear in him. That’s an interesting story.

On the other hand you have Cena shutting Reigns down every time. Cena is the bigger star in the fans’ eyes and hasn’t seemed to break a sweat in this whole build. Reigns is completely overmatched by Cena on the mic but they’ve stuck him out there anyway. That’s a very key difference and a rather dumb one at that.

Strowman can hang with Lesnar in the power/physical department so they’ve focused on that instead. Notice how short Strowman’s statements were here. They didn’t have time to expose his weaknesses and the actions from last week (popping up from the suplex and laying out Lesnar) spoke for themselves. Reigns and Cena haven’t gotten physical for the most part and that doesn’t make sense. Reigns is capable of keeping up with Cena in the heavyweight slugfest but they’ve focused on Reigns’ talking and charisma, where not only is he not great in the first place but he’s completely outclassed by Cena.

It’s a completely different way of presenting the feuds and one of them is working a lot better than the others because it’s been crafted to the participants’ strengths and weaknesses.

Bayley has been added to the four way on Sunday, which is now a fatal five way.

Here’s Roman Reigns for a chat as this show is allergic to actual wrestling. Reigns gets booed but he thinks this should get booed anyway. Some people think Cena is the best talker of all time but sometimes he says some stupid s***. People have been talking about Reigns being the next Cena but he’s not a white guy with a military crew cut. If he was, he wouldn’t have a job here. If you don’t believe that, just ask Alex Riley.

Reigns calls Cena a fake guy and shows us a clip from five years ago with Cena talking about Rock being a part timer who keeps bailing to Hollywood. Reigns asks if Cena should come out here and brings up the loss to Rock at Wrestlemania. Roman will see San Jose next time and says he’ll see Cena on Sunday, movie star. This was FAR better from Reigns as he actually made a point and told a story (Reigns is the guy that Cena claimed to be and actually backs it up by being here) while also not having Cena (a far better talker than Reigns could ever hope to be) cutting him down every few seconds.

The Hardys talk about fighting each other for years so tonight isn’t the biggest change in the world. Some mild tension is teased but they’re cool with each other.

Asuka is coming.

Bray Wyatt vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin cleans house to start and hammers away in the corner before taking him outside for some whips into various objects. A bulldog on the floor has Bray in more trouble but he headbutts his way out of trouble. Back in and Goldust kicks at the leg, only to charge into Sister Abigail for the pin at 2:36. Bray barely had any offense.

Finn Balor pops up on screen and talks about growing up reading stories. Finn grew up to become a man who created a Demon, just like the ones he grew up reading about. If the Demon is the creation of a man, how dangerous does that make the man? Bray is going to find out at No Mercy.

More Tweets on Heenan.

The announcers talk about Heenan’s greatness and legacy.

We get the big tribute to Heenan, including material all the way back from his AWA days. Thankfully we get a long sequence on his stuff with Gorilla Monsoon from Prime Time Wrestling, which is still some of the funniest stuff you’ll ever see. His timing was absolutely perfect and some of those jokes were WAY too funny to be on a wrestling show.

Here’s Enzo Amore to talk about the upcoming Cruiserweight Title match but Strowman comes out to maul him. A chokeslam and the powerslam crush Enzo and make Strowman all the more popular. Strowman leaves and here’s Neville to add the Red Arrow for good measure. Neville: “HOW YOU DOIN?????”

Post break Enzo says he can compete with Neville on Sunday and is taking that title.

Neville vs. Gran Metalik

Cole: “Corey do you think Enzo has a chance on Sunday?” Graves: “Nope.” Metalik gets in a dropkick to start and walks the ropes for a second one. They head outside with Neville getting in a kick to the chest and RIPPING THE MASK apart, with Metalik’s face being exposed for a few seconds. Back in and Metalik kicks him in the face, followed by another springboard dropkick. A running springboard flip dive takes Neville down and a rope walk splash (not a crossbody Cole) gets two. Metalik’s moonsault hits knees though and the Rings of Saturn is good for the submission at 3:24.

Rating: C+. This worked quite well with Neville showing some viciousness but the Enzo match is like Shelton Benjamin diving into Shawn Michaels’ superkick. If he really is the best thing they can do for the division, then just get rid of the thing already. Enzo is getting more annoying by the week (if that’s possible) and I’m really not looking forward to hearing him brag about being champion for the next eight months.

It’s Hispanic Heritage Month so here’s a video on Jennifer Lopez.

Here’s Elias to sing his song about how horrible his opponents are, just like everyone here in San Jose.

Elias vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bo Dallas vs. Curtis Axel vs. Jason Jordan

One fall to a finish with Miz watching on the floor. It’s a brawl to start with Jeff rolling Matt up for two to send us to an early break. Back with Elias in control until Jordan gets in a right hand. That’s fine with Elias who jumps from the mat to the top, only to have the Miztourage shove him off. The Hardys come in for a Tower of Doom, drawing Elias back in to try and steal the pins.

Poetry in Motion hits Elias but Jeff walks into a Side Effect for two. Jordan starts cleaning house until Dallas sends him outside. Miz tosses Jordan over the barricade as the Hardys start working over Elias inside. Jeff’s legdrop between the legs sets up the Swanon for two on Axel with Miz making the save. The distraction lets the Axhole plant Jeff, only to have Jordan come in with the wheelbarrow neckbreaker for the pin and the title shot at 11:46.

Rating: C. Total chaos for the most part here but it’s amazing to see how much easier it is to sit through Jordan’s super push than Reigns’ was. It’s almost like giving him time to grow into his singles role instead of just throwing him into the World Title picture is a really good idea. Jordan’s matches have been good so far and it’s reasonable to see him winning the Intercontinental Title. Do that instead of pushing him to the moon and it might actually work.

Miz and the Miztourage destroy Jordan and call him out for his, shall we say, questionable parentage to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was kind of all over the place but they made do with what they could considering the lack of a live Lesnar or Cena in general. They did a good enough job at hyping up No Mercy, which is the entire point of this show. However, the wrestling wasn’t exactly strong and that makes for a dull show. The first hour and a half was really weak but it picked up the pace a lot down the stretch, which was what mattered most. Not a terrible show, but it was dull for some long stretches.

Results

Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss – Samoan drop

Cesaro/Sheamus b. Anderson and Gallows and Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose – Dirty Deeds to Anderson

Apollo Crews b. Curt Hawkins – Toss powerbomb

Bray Wyatt b. Dustin Rhodes – Sister Abigail

Jason Jordan b. Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy and Elias – Wheelbarrow neckbreaker to Axel

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

https://wrestlingrumors.net/breaking-news-bobby-brain-heenan-passes-away-73/

This is far from a surprise but dang it still hurts a lot.  I got to see Heenan in Orlando at Wrestlecon and I’ve seen walkers on the Walking Dead who looked more lifelike.  For me there’s no debating it: Heenan is the greatest manage of all time and one of the best commentators ever as well.  This one feels like a punch to the gut and it’s going to take me some time to get over it.  One last thing:

“I wish Monsoon was here.”

You can imagine the arguments they’ll have now.  I’ll miss you Brain.

Here’s Heenan’s Wrestler of the Day entry.

Today is the greatest manager and one of the best talkers of all time: Bobby Heenan.

Heenan got his start in the AWA where he was the top manager and occasionally wrestled. I have no idea when this took place but I would assume some point in the mid to late 1970s.

Crusher/Dick the Bruiser/Little Bruiser vs. Blackjacks/Bobby Heenan

Little Bruiser is a midget brought in to neutralize Heenan. We start with the comedy pair as Heenan drops to his knees to fight. Little Bruiser immediately dropkicks him out to the floor and we have a standoff. Big Bruiser comes in to face Mulligan and easily takes him down with a snapmare into a neck crank. Little Bruiser sneaks in for some cheap shots before Dick knees Mulligan in the ribs for two.

Off to the Crusher vs. Lanza with the Blackjacks double teaming Crusher in the corner. Little Bruiser chases Heenan around for a bit, allowing Crusher to get his hands on Heenan. Bobby gets whipped into the Tree of Woe but Little Bruiser gets him down with a kick to the ribs. It’s back to Crusher vs. Lanza with Crusher going to the eyes, unlike the hero he’s supposed to be. Bruiser comes in for some knees to the ribs before going after Lanza’s bad knee.

Mulligan comes in to save his partner as everything breaks down for a little bit. Bruiser takes a beating but ducks Mulligan’s punches to frustrate the big man. For some reason Mulligan tags in Heenan, allowing Bruiser to backdrop him for two. The fight heads to the floor with the Blackjacks being rammed together. Heenan is busted wide open so the good guys pound away at the cut. Oh man he is gushing blood.

The Blackjacks get punched again but finally save their manager from the Bruiser. Back to Crusher as everything breaks down again. The Blackjacks are thrown into Heenan and Little Bruiser is launched onto Mulligan for two. They do the same thing to Lanza for the same but finally Little Bruiser’s top rope splash to Heenan is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t great and the biggest problem was not knowing what kind of a match this was supposed to be. They kept jumping back and forth between a brawl and a comedy match and it became an issue more than once. The match would have been a lot better if it was just a handicap match but it wasn’t terrible.

We’ll jump to the WWF now for a rare singles match at MSG on November 26, 1984.

Salvatore Bellomo vs. Bobby Heenan

This is from 1984 and there’s no story to it. Heenan just used to be a wrestler on occasion. Heenan bails to the apron of course because he’s Bobby Heenan. Bellomo beats on Heenan like he stole something and flips him in the corner. Heenan takes a bunch of dropkicks, including one sending him into the post. Heenan needs a doctor. Back in and Bobby takes even more of a beating.

Bobby actually takes over with a rake to the eyes and a lot of basic stuff. Then again, what are you expecting from Bobby Heenan the Wrestler? They collide and Heenan looks dead. Bellomo drives in some headbutts but Heenan pokes him in the eyes. Out to the floor and Heenan pops him as he comes back in. A guillotine puts Sal on the floor for the third time. Bellomo tries a sunset flip but Heenan punches him in the face, drops on top of him, AND GETS A CLEAN PIN.

Rating: A+. Bobby Heenan got a clean pin. Do you realize what it means for your career when you get pinned clean in Madison Square Garden by BOBBY HEENAN??? The match sucked but totally awesome for surprise value. This is on Heenan’s DVD, mainly because I don’t remember him ever winning another singles match on his own.

Heenan would manage Big John Studd and help him in some tag matches, such as this one at MSG on June 21, 1985.

US Express/George Steele vs. Adrian Adonis/Big John Studd/Bobby Heenan

This is from MSG and this show is a bit more famous because of the debut of Randy Savage on it. No one wants to start with the Animal. Barry and Adonis (not yet gay or in pink) start us off. Let the stalling begin! Before anything happens, Heenan is brought in so Windham tags Steele. Heenan DIVES to the floor to hide and it’s back to Adonis. Now it’s back to Windham before any contact has been made at all.

Off to Studd to meet Windham and Barry is knocked down pretty easily. It isn’t often that Barry has to speed things up but he does it here as he doesn’t have another option. He keeps going for the slam which doesn’t work at all. A cross body gets two. Clipped to Heenan being brought in and Barry beats him down like a world champion beating on a manager.

Everything breaks down and Steele rams all three heels into the posts. Rotundo comes in and Heenan’s mouth is bleeding. Mike takes Studd down and works on the arm. Clipped to Adonis beating on Rotundo. Gorilla gives us some analysis of what we’re seeing and the fans chant USA. Windham finally comes in as does Steele, wanting to get his hands on Bobby. There wasn’t a tag and everything breaks down. Steele goes outside and comes back with a chair which he hits the referee with for the DQ.

Rating: D. Pretty boring match here and I really don’t get the point of them giving us what appears to be a focus on Steele and then having him lose his match. Then again I think they did that more than once in this series so it must be a running theme. That doesn’t mean it makes sense but it’s what they’re doing I guess.

Another tag match from The Big Event.

Big Machine/Super Machine/Lou Albano vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy/Bobby Heenan

Ah yes the Machines. Now this was the epitome of a comedy angle that took off for a little while. The idea was that Andre the Giant was suspended for (kayfabe) not showing up for a match. Soon thereafter two new masked guys from Japan appeared: Super Machine (Ax from Demolition) and Giant Machine (duh).

Over the Summer they feuded with Heenan, Studd and Bundy with guest appearances by Piper Machine, Animal Machine and Hulk Machine. It was total tongue in cheek, kind of like Mr. America with Hogan. They were eventually joined by Big Machine who was Blackjack Mulligan when Andre could barely move.

Andre was kind of the manager and only wrestled occasionally. The angle ended about two months after this to set up Mania 3. Anyway let’s get to this. We get a shot from the broadcast booth and the ring is TINY. Studd and Super Machine start us out. The Machines’ strength is freaking impressive.

Ax is by far and away the smallest one. What does that tell you? Gorilla says he’s been over 500 pounds before but at Mania 4 said the biggest he ever wrestled at was 440. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t trust Gorilla Monsoon! Ok I’m back now I think. With Big Machine down Heenan comes in and goes for the mask. Super Machine is like screw that and drills him. Bundy was just a big fat waste of oxygen. You can tell he was just thrown into Mania. Look where he was just 4 months later. Heenan comes in again and Albano comes in also.

Super Mario beats on him for a bit but a thumb in the eye and the heels beat up Albano. Andre has had enough and just comes in there and starts cleaning house which causes the DQ. He was just freaking terrifying when he got mad. Ax being the smallest guy by far is a freaky sight.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match so that’s fine. The Machines were just a fun team so this worked fine. Andre was fun when he could move and this was no exception. It was nothing serious and it wasn’t supposed to be. Instead it was a way to make the fans laugh and it succeeded.

More Machines, from September 22, 1986.

Bobby Heenan/Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy vs. Super Machine/Big Machine/Hulk Machine

Super is Ax from Demolition, Big is Blackjack Mulligan and they’re a comedy team that usually had a guest third partner that more often than not was Andre. They’re here because Andre is suspended before he turned heel. Still in MSG here and it’s yet again a fun match to send the fans home happy. Hogan vs. Bundy to start us off here. Slam to Bundy and the fans are exploding already. See what I mean about sending them home happy?

Off to Studd vs. Big Machine now which lasts for a second as it’s back to Bundy. Off to Super now and Studd comes back in for some double teaming. You can tell that’s Ax as he hammers away like he would in Demolition a few years later. They mention a pair of tags so apparently I’m not going crazy. Bundy vs. Mulligan (I think) and we get a front facelock by Bundy to give him control.

Super comes in and gets hammered down quickly as the fans want Heenan in there. Bundy vs. Ax if you’re confused at the moment. The future Demolition guy avoids a splash and hits some shots but winds up back in the corner again. Hey it’s Heenan for a change. He gets caught in the ribs but tries a headbutt which hurts himself. Off to Hogan now who cleans house.

Heenan gets to his corner but Bundy can’t master the concept of slapping hands so Bobby takes more of a beating. It’s off to Bundy and Super Machine now with the masked dude in control. Mulligan has been in here just a bit the entire match now. Bundy takes over with a splash and then he and Studd just change places. Now there’s a tag or something but it’s kind of confusing. The Machines do some masked magic to bring in Hogan. Slam to Studd and the leg drop ends this.

Rating: C. Again this is the same thing as before with nothing special about it but the fans loved it. Can’t really complain but with a two hour tape and about 90 minutes of it being the same stuff over and over again this was a bit much. Either way though this wasn’t bad and at least it’s over now.

One more from the Machines on October 4, 1986.

Big Machine/Super Machine/Piper Machine vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy/Bobby Heenan

Ah the Machines. Now this was a fun concept. They were supposedly a new tag team from Japan but they had zero accents whatsoever. If I remember right Super Machine is Ax from Demolition, Big Machine is Blackjack Mulligan and I think you get the other one. There was usually a third guest partner such as Animal Machine, Piper Machine or Hulk Machine. Yes it’s stupid comedy but it was designed to be stupid comedy, which takes away a lot of the pain in it. This is from 86ish and we’re in Boston.

Gene is just saying it’s Piper and he flashes his face to the crowd. Bundy starts with Super Machine. Bundy pounds him into the corner to start but misses the avalanche. Machine gets a cross body for two and it’s off to Studd and Big Machine. They collide and no one really goes anywhere. Piper wants in and the fans pop big for his tag. He takes the mask off for like the fourth time and pulls it back down. Sunset flip gets two as Piper is cleaning house.

Piper starts his usual antics and pokes Studd in the eye before slapping Heenan. Studd is like enough of this and goes for the bad knee of Piper. Bundy adds some shows and it’s off to Heenan. Naturally he can’t do much of anything so it’s back to Bundy. Piper ducks underneath the big swings from the bald dude and turns it back to the comedy as he should.

And never mind as Bundy drills him. He tries for the mask and brings in Heenan for no apparent reason. Back to Bundy and/or Studd who destroy Piper for a good while. Another thumb to the eye lets Piper bring in Big Machine. They’re doing the bodyslam challenge for 50 grand still here but apparently Heenan isn’t paying. Wait wasn’t that usually 15,000? Bundy misses a knee drop but they stay on Machine.

Studd gets the chinlock going as this is going way too long now. Back off to Piper which is pretty stupid. Studd meets him coming in so Piper is like screw the mask and rips it off. He manages to slam Studd for two but an accidental elbow drop from Bundy ends it seconds later. That was a big surprise indeed.

Rating: C. The crowd carries this one. It’s not much of a match but the crowd was white hot the entire time. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Machines as they were a straight up fun gimmick. This went on too long but there are times when you need to have a goofy match to give the crowd a laugh and this is a textbook example. I’m overrating it but I had fun with it.

Heenan would also team up with the Islanders at Wrestlemania IV.

Islanders/Bobby Heenan vs. British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware

There’s actually a story here. Heenan comes to the ring in a dog handlers’ outfit (remember the package from earlier?) because Matilda, the dog mascot of the Bulldogs, is back from being dognapped, presumably by the Islanders. Koko is there because when you need a filler, you call Koko B. Ware. We start with Dynamite vs. Tama but it’s quickly off to Haku vs. Davey Boy for a nice power match.

Davey slams him down a few times and it’s off to a quickly broken chinlock. Back to Tama who is gorilla pressed up and down and it’s back to Haku. Jesse: “Heenan seems to be saving himself.” Gorilla: “Yeah for the senior prom.” Did Gorilla just make a sex joke? I can feel my childhood crumbling as I type this. Koko comes in for some quick shots but it’s back to Dynamite for the clothesline that Benoit copied from him.

The Kid charges into a kick in the corner and here’s Heenan for the first time. He stomps on Dynamite, gets hit once in his padded suit, and runs away. That’s about what I expected. Tama tries a Vader Bomb but hits knees, allowing for another tag to Koko. He pounds on both Islanders but Haku takes him right back down. Tama comes in with a top rope chop and Heenan gets his second tag. Heenan chokes a bit but misses a charge into the post. Everything breaks down and the Islanders drop Heenan onto Koko for the pin.

Rating: C. I told you Koko was worthless in this. The stuff with the tag teams was pretty solid but the rest of it was as dull as you would expect. These six man tags with the Bulldogs in there don’t go that well for them but this was their last try at it. This was basically a comedy match and it was only kind of funny.

Heenan was known as the Weasel and would take part in a series of Weasel Suit matches. It’s a regular match where the loser is put into the suit and humiliated. From Wrestlefest 1988.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Bobby Heenan

This is kind of a famous match. The loser wears a weasel suit. You figure out who wins this one. I’ll give you a hint: he’s crazy. Neither gets an entrance which is weird. We get some of Warrior’s music but that’s it. Heenan runs for his life multiple times but Warrior drops to the floor so Heenan can’t see him and surprises him. Yes, Warrior used his brain and it worked.

Heenan gets a foreign object and pops him with it after calling Warrior a son of a female dog. Wouldn’t an object like that be fine to a guy from Parts Unknown? Heenan hits him with it like five times and can’t drop Warrior. He more or less just jabs it in Warrior’s throat over and over but it doesn’t work at all. Warrior bangs on his chest and I think you can figure the rest out from there.

Warrior puts him out with a sleeper which makes sense here and puts the suit on him. Where does one get a weasel suit? Was there a furry convention in town? You know for being in a sleeper for about 30 seconds, he’s WAY out of it. Warrior bangs on his chest once he gets it done like someone standing over his fallen prey. Ooh that was a good one. Bobby wakes up and realizes he has claws and a tail. This is like Kafka’s worst nightmare.

Rating: N/A. This was for comedy more than anything else. They tried to make the match into nothing at all and that’s what the best answer was. Heenan was always a good sport though and could do just about any kind of comedy so this was perfect for him. This was an idea that had been used in the AWA so having it brought back here makes sense.

Heenan managed the Red Rooster but wound up yelling at him and getting fired. Here’s their showdown at Wrestlemania V.

Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan

There’s actually a backstory: Heenan managed Rooster but said he was limited so Rooster dumped Heenan. Bobby is hurt so he brings the Brooklyn Brawler with him. Those sentences take as long to type as the match lasts as Rooster hits him once, Heenan misses a charge into the post, gets whipped into the buckle and the match is over in 30 seconds. To recap, Rooster beat him with an Irish whip.

Tully Blanchard was scheduled to wrestle in the main event of Survivor Series 1989. Cocaine intervened though so Heenan replaced him.

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Rockers
Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, Haku, Bobby Heenan

Andre can barely move and it’s sad to see. Neidhart and the Rockers start before anything happens and Jim is in trouble early. Here’s Warrior without any music (he’s IC Champion here) and a big clothesline puts Andre on the floor, which draws a countout because when the bell rang, Andre was the only Heenan Family member in the ring. We’ve already got the same problem the Hogan match had.

Warrior and Haku get things started for all intents and purposes but it’s quickly off to Anvil vs. Arn. Andre (in blue instead of black) yells incoherently at the Warrior as he leaves. It’s Haku vs. Anvil now with Haku in control. A superkick puts Neidhart down and eliminates him like it’s a squash match. Off to Shawn to make Haku miss him and now it’s off to Jannetty.

Haku tries a double clothesline but only hits Shawn. He picks up Marty but Shawn dropkicks Marty down onto Haku for a near fall. Off to Arn who tries a double suplex with Haku on Jannetty, but Shawn catches his partner in a nice move. Double superkicks put the wrestlers on the other team down and it’s off to Marty vs. Haku. Warrior gets a tag in a few seconds later and Haku immediately goes for the eyes.

Haku backs Warrior into the corner and Heenan points to Arn for the tag in a funny bit. Arn immediately gets taken down and Marty hooks an armbar. Anderson brings Marty to the corner and brings in Heenan for a single punch before it’s back to Haku. Arn knees Marty in the back and Haku superkicks him down so Heenan can drop a knee on Jannetty for the pin. You could loudly hear them calling spots on that sequence for some reason.

Warrior comes in so here’s Anderson again. There’s a bearhug by the Champ and Haku gets one as well. Off to Shawn who gets knocked to the floor with a few shots. Shawn moonsaults out of the corner over Arn and Anderson is in trouble. Warrior and Michaels both punch Anderson at the same time and Arn backs away from Warrior. A splash from Shawn gets two and it’s off to Haku.

That doesn’t last long at all as a cross body eliminates Haku to get us down to Warrior/Shawn vs. Heenan/Anderson. Heenan tries to get in some cheap shots on Shawn which draws in Warrior. Why? Was he that afraid for Shawn’s safety? Arn dumps Shawn to the floor and Heenan goes up….and then regains his sanity and climbs back down. Arn keeps asking for help from Heenan because he’s getting tired so it’s finally back to Bobby who runs at the first sign of trouble.

Shawn rams his head into the back of Arn’s head and both guys are down. They slug it out but Shawn walks into the spinebuster (called the Anderson Drop) for the elimination. Warrior fires off some shoulders but Arn ducks and sends him to the floor. Heenan goes up again but thinks better of it again. Off to Heenan but Warrior quickly Hulks up so we see some more Anderson. Warrior fights him off as well and whips Arn into Heenan to knock Bobby to the floor. The gorilla press and splash get us down to one on one. Warrior sneaks up on Heenan and what do you think happens here? A shoulder block and splash ends this.

Rating: C-. I think it was watching the whole show before this but this was another dull match. Warrior was never in any danger and I think everyone knew it. To be fair, this would have been better with Tully out there and you can’t fault the guys for that. Heenan being in there had to turn it into a comedy match and I can’t hold that against them. Still though, another dull match in a series of them tonight.

One of Heenan’s last in ring feuds was with the Big Boss Man due to Heenan insulting Boss Man’s mother. From November 20, 1990.

Bobby Heenan vs. Big Bossman

This was when they were feuding over Heenan running his mouth about Bossman’s mother. He says he’s sent mom a dozen roses and he has a Hogan wrestling buddy for Bossman. Heenan begs for forgiveness and gets hit in the head with the wrestling buddy. Heenan tries to hit him with the microphone. Bossman hits him with the nightstick a few times and is pinned in seconds.

I think you get the idea here. Heenan was the guy that could talk all day and then take a beating to save his clients for later. No he isn’t a great in ring worker, but he’s a great performer. He knew how to make fans hate him and could always take the beating to make the fans happy. Couple in the great talking and he was invaluable.

Smackdown
Date: April 17, 2003
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s tournament night as we have the finals to crown a new #1 contender. John Cena will be facing Chris Benoit, which is pretty much the best final they could have gone for. Cena should be the favorite after having spent weeks taunting Lesnar but Benoit is one of those cases where it’s easy to see him pulling it off. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the tournament, which hasn’t been too bad so far. I’m not sure if it’s worthy of the music video treatment though.

Opening sequence.

Big Show/A-Train vs. Rey Mysterio/Tajiri

Assuming this is going to see the small guys crushed up and sprinkled on the monsters’ pizza, beating the champions last week would be rather pointless. Mysterio slugs away at A-Train to start and gets thrown into the corner for his efforts. A basement dropkick gives Rey a breather though and it’s off to Tajiri for a kick of his own. A-Train shoves them down but it’s a double dropkick to stagger him again. Big Show breaks up the 619 though and the order of the universe is restored.

Show launches Rey into the corner and it’s time for the slow motion beatdown. A pair of backbreakers has Rey in more trouble and A-Train follows up with the modified Gory Stretch. Rey gets in a tornado DDT for the breather though, setting up the hot tag to Tajiri. The handspring elbow barely connects but a springboard kick to the face gets two. Show casually throws Rey outside though, leaving A-Train to kick Tajiri in the head for the pin.

Rating: C. Questionable booking aside, this wasn’t a bad match with the smaller guys getting in some nice shots before going down. Big Show and A-Train are fine for a pair of heavies but they need something to do. Rey and Tajiri could be a perfectly fine tag team, though this isn’t the best way to help set them up.

Post match A-Train takes the mist and Rey 619s Big Show around the post. That’s REALLY not cool with Big Show. After the break, Show rants about being embarrassed so he wants to face Rey at Backlash.

Here’s Brock Lesnar for his first talk as champion. Interviewer Michael Cole goes over the shooting star and Lesnar says he was lucky to survive that. It took him five months to win the title back and he knew he had to do whatever it took. Kurt Angle is the first person to kick out of the F5 so Brock had to do something special. He had a concussion but there’s no doubt that he would do it all again. Brock talks about his respect for Angle but here’s Cena to cut him off. Where is the respect for Cena? Brock is just a white boy up in here lying to the fans.

Cena gets all fired up talking about how he’s bigger than Lesnar and the title, only to be cut off by Chris Benoit. Chris talks about how Cena has to show some respect because no one is bigger than the title. Brock calls Benoit out for not respecting him and they go nose to nose, only to have Cena demand respect from them both. Eventually Brock says they should all respect the winner of the tournament but Cena gets in a cheap shot on Benoit.

Mr. America is coming. Oh boy here we go.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Jamie Noble

Hang on as here’s Team Angle to mock Los Guerreros, who are now #1 contenders. So yeah, the Rey/Tajiri match means nothing at all. Charlie says Grandma Guerrero is the best housekeeper that money can buy, which is enough of a distraction for Noble to get in some cheap shots to start. A swinging neckbreaker gives Jamie two but an uppercut sets up Three Amigos. Eddie’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two and it’s Chavo taking care of Nidia so Eddie can frog splash Jamie for the pin.

Eddie and Chavo make gay jokes about Team Angle and win a quick brawl.

The French guys are coming. Tazz makes a joke about all the ethnic acts at the moment and he’s got a point.

Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio is official for Backlash.

We recap the FBI vs. Undertaker/Nathan Jones. They really think there’s something to the FBI? Really? Johnny gorilla pressing Rikishi should have gotten him something but that hasn’t been mentioned since.

Undertaker is going to be out a few weeks due to elbow surgery.

Earlier today, Jones nearly murdered Nunzio but settled for beating up the rest of the team instead.

Torrie is stretching when Sable comes in. She liked seeing Torrie get out of the shower last week but this time she needs help undoing her zipper. Sable unzips herself and takes her top down because she has nowhere to change. Torrie leaves though and Sable has to cover herself with her hands. Well at least they’re not hiding what they’re going for here, but we’ve covered this with Dawn Marie and it’s already been made clear that we’ve seen all we’re going to see. It doesn’t have the same effect twice in a four month stretch.

Long recap of the Hogan/Vince/Piper ordeal.

Rikishi vs. Sean O’Haire is confirmed for Backlash.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit and that could mean anything. Piper gives a rambling rant against fans on the internet, saying fans are coming out of the closet to beat people up but he likes it. We see the Snuka coconut thing from twenty years ago, followed by the same thing happening to Rikishi last week. Anyway, Piper has been looking for the modern wrestler with intelligence so here’s the champion of champions: Sean O’Haire.

Sean comes out and praises Piper, who might be even more evil than O’Haire is. Before Piper can say anything though, here’s Jimmy Snuka to send Piper through the roof. Piper sucks up to him but Jimmy says we have a problem here. Sean is ready to fight but Piper says he doesn’t need food or water because he’s self-contained.

Piper wants to bury the coconut, only to have Snuka hit him in the head. O’Haire gets involved as well but it’s Rikishi out for the save. A chair to the back drops Rikishi though and the bad guys bail. That’s enough for Rikishi to challenge Piper for next week while Snuka’s eyes are bulging as only his can. I like the idea of pushing O’Haire but this is getting very high on the list of most overbooked angles that are likely to collapse underneath their own weight.

Torrie did a Playboy signing in New York earlier this week. They’re pushing the heck out of that thing as only WWE can do.

Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia

Torrie’s gear has the Playboy logo prominently displayed. Hang on a minute though as here’s Sable to referee. Torrie and Sable stare at each other so Nidia can jump Torrie from behind. That goes nowhere so Nidia throws her into the corner, only to get caught in the headscissors solely designed for a certain angle of Torrie’s shorts. A high crossbody and basement dropkick give Torrie two but hang on as Sable has to dropkick Noble to the floor. Nidia gets caught in a tornado DDT for the fast pin.

Sable gives Torrie one of those looks.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Brian Kendrick

Matt, who really digs his book and whose favorite sushi is freshwater eel, is defending. Brian goes with a fast backslide to start and takes out Shannon Moore with a suicide dive for good measure. Back in and Matt throws him off the top though and Brian is in early trouble. Kendrick gets caught in a full nelson but he climbs the ropes and spins around to drive Matt’s head into the mat for a really cool counter. An enziguri gets two, followed by a to rope elbow for the same. Sliced Bread #2 is countered though and the Twist of Fate retains Matt’s title.

Rating: C+. Kendrick has been showing up almost everyone on this show week to week and this was no exception. It wasn’t a great match but for something that barely broke three minutes and saw Kendrick hitting some good looking stuff and barely stopping, it was quite the entertaining match. Now can we put him over someone other that Moore for a change?

The FBI is ready for revenge on Nathan Jones.

The APA went to Washington DC to visit soldiers.

Nathan Jones vs. Nunzio

Jones kicks him down and chokes a bit until the FBI comes in after less than a minute.

The Italians beat him down and crush the ankle with the steps to send Jones down to Louisville.

Mr. America is still coming. Nothing has changed in the last hour and a half.

#1 Contenders Tournament Finals: John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says Benoit can rent the space beneath his teeth and calls him a Dynamite ripoff. Benoit takes him down to start and works on the arm for a bit. Cena is smart enough to shove the referee and nail a low blow. We hit the early chinlock for a bit before Cena reverses the first German suplex into a victory roll for a near fall. The threat of a Crossface sends Cena bailing to the floor so Benoit dives through the ropes to take him down again.

We take a break and come back with Benoit working on the arm again. Cena grabs the yet to be named Throwback for a quick two before we hit the neck crank (with their backs to the camera because they don’t know how to work). Benoit gets thrown hard into the corner but manages to suplex his way out of a chinlock.

Back up and Benoit elbows him in the face, only to get caught in something like a reverse Blue Thunder Bomb (Benoit landed at the side instead of between the legs for two. That just earns Cena the Crossface, though he’s too close to the ropes. Benoit slips out of the Death Valley Driver and tries a sunset flip but Cena drops down into a cradle for the clean pin.

Rating: B-. You have to give Cena the clean win here to make him look like a bigger threat against Lesnar, especially after the mess of the match against Undertaker last week. Benoit controlled it for the most part but Cena got in enough offense that it didn’t look like a fluke. That’s the value of someone like Benoit, who can make Cena look good but doesn’t really lose much in defeat. Good match too.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event is easily the best thing about the show but the big stories are major issues at this point. Cena vs. Lesnar is third on the show with the way overdone Piper’s Pit stuff (assuming you don’t count that as a separate story from Hogan vs. Vince) and Sable/Torrie above it. I can understand the World Title not being the biggest story on the show but sweet goodness it would be nice if one of the bigger stories was even slightly interesting.

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