Monday Night Raw
Date: July 3, 2017
Location: Talking Stick Resort Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s the go home show for Great Balls of Fire and the question becomes which match WWE is treating as the featured attraction tonight. In other words, it depends on if Brock Lesnar is here tonight or not, as tends to be the case all the time. Sunday’s show is suddenly a bit more interesting amid rumors of Roman Reigns vs. Lesnar at Summerslam instead of Wrestlemania so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Enzo Amore pleading with Big Cass to keep the team together and Cass teasing to do so, only to lay Enzo out again. Still the absolutely right call.

Here’s Enzo to open the show. He lists off all the bad things that have happened to him in the last year and says that all happened while Cass was behind his back. Cass watched all that time because he never had Enzo’s back. Cass wanted to take advantage of the silver tongue but now he has to face the fists that come with it.

Enzo is grateful for everything that’s happened to him and he’d shove his dad down a wishing well before he joined the dark side. He’s grateful to every kid out there wearing his gear. They’re the people who help put food on his table because he believes in the good that he’s doing. It’s something you just can’t teach. He walks in and out of a room with confidence because he knows who he is and he knows where he’s going. He’s been in holes a lot deeper than seven feet before and Cass is nothing more than a catchphrase that Enzo wrote.

Cass said his mouth writes checks that he can’t back up but no one goes harder than him. Next time, don’t be surprised if that merchandise check is for ZERO DIMES. Unless he starts wearing a Casshole shirt. Enzo is ready to go but comes back to say he’s ready to fight on his own because it’s all him now. This was an INCREDIBLE promo but there’s not much of a way around the fact that he has nothing to back it up with in the ring.

Cass says Enzo can’t talk the talk because on Sunday, he won’t be walking at all. He’s ready for Sunday but Enzo jumps him from behind and the fight is on. It’s quickly broken up but that was some good fire.

Sasha Banks/Bayley vs. Nia Jax/Alexa Bliss

Nia throws Bayley into the corner to start but gets dropkicked a few times. That just earns Bayley a modified Snake Eyes so it’s off to Banks for a double dropkick. Another dropkick puts Nia on the floor but she grabs Bayley off the apron and crushes her against the barricade. Back from a break with Bayley having been taken to the back from being crushed. Sasha stomps Alexa in the corner but Nia just crushes her with a backbreaker. Bliss stands on Banks’ hair for a bit until Sasha fights up and kicks Jax in the knee. The Bank Statement ends Bliss out of nowhere at 10:15.

Rating: C-. I’d love to see how much further they could make Bayley look worthless. At this point they’re setting her up for a heel turn and really, that’s about all they can do for her as she’s been treated as the biggest loser I’ve seen in a long time. Banks just beat the monster and the champ on her own but I’m supposed to care about Bayley? Really?

Braun Strowman tells Kurt Angle that he’s dealing with Roman Reigns tonight.

Long video on Samoa Joe vs. Brock Lesnar with Brock saying he’s not worried about Joe just because he put his hands on Heyman.

Noam Dar vs. Cedric Alexander

These two have spent more time being done fighting than they spent fighting in the first place. Alicia Fox makes her return and gets to see Cedric clothesline Dar to the floor. Back in and Dar gets in a kick to the chest for two. Dar starts in on the arm but Fox gets on the apron for an accidental distraction, allowing Cedric to hit the Lumbar Check for the pin at 2:09. NOW NEVER TALK TO EACH OTHER AGAIN.

We look at the attention the Ball Family got from their MizTV appearance last week. Ignore no one talking about wrestling and talking about Ball acting like an idiot but any publicity is good publicity right Vince? When is that Chris Benoit retrospective coming?

It’s time for MizTV with Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas behind Miz and Maryse. Last week, Miz exposed the Ball Family as the overrated acts that they are and Lonzo will prove it again when he’s an NBA bust. The only bigger bust than Lonzo is Dean Ambrose, who the Ball Family would be crazy to have as a representative. When Ambrose debuted, he was going to be the next Roddy Piper and the breakout star of the Shield. Now though, we know that Ambrose can’t handle success. Dean is going to be the biggest joke in WWE but here he is to interrupt.

Ambrose wants his rematch for the Intercontinental Title and wants it tonight. Cue Heath Slater and Rhyno though with Heath saying he’s never had a shot at a singles title in eight years. He’s always telling his kids that he’s got this and things will be ok but in reality, he has no idea if he’s got this. Dean: “You’ve got kids?” Miz says no but here’s Angle to say Miz is defending against Slater tonight and Ambrose on Sunday. Let’s have tonight’s match…..now.

Intercontinental Title: Miz vs. Heath Slater

Miz is defending and wearing a suit while Ambrose is on commentary. Slater grabs a rollup to start but we go with a headlock to slow things down instead. Some right hands have Miz in trouble as Dean talks about the delicious food that he hears Slater’s wife makes at the trailer. Miz bails to the floor off an atomic drop and we take a break.

Back with Miz holding a front facelock and sending Heath outside where Rhyno and the Miztourage get in a staredown. Ambrose: “Miztourage. That’s so bad. That’s almost as bad as Great Balls of fire.” Back in and Miz hits the YES Kicks until a flapjack takes him down. Slater slugs away and hits a jumping knee to the face for two.

The neckbreaker out of the corner gets two more and Slater powerslams him off the top for a nice counter. Rhyno goes after Dallas and Axel for getting on the apron to distract the referee, earning himself a posting. The distraction lets the Skull Crushing Finale retain the title at 12:48.

Rating: C+. Better than I was expecting here with Slater giving it a go but coming up short due to the numbers game. The Miztourage is a nice upgrade for Miz, who could only get so far with Maryse in his corner. Of course it doesn’t matter as he’s fighting Ambrose AGAIN, which feels like he’s been going on for a year now.

Ambrose hits the ring for the save but gets beaten down as well.

We look back at Strowman taking Reigns out last week.

Titus O’Neil wants Apollo Crews to face Braun Strowman for the sake of his daughter. Crews actually falls for it with Titus saying the power of freaky daddy strength is enough to beat Strowman. If FREAKY DADDY STRENGTH isn’t a shirt by Thursday, I worry about this promotion’s future.

Here’s Goldust to talk about his new film: the Shattered Truth. This film wouldn’t be possible without everyone in this arena. All the little people you see. With this film, he’s done the impossible and turned R-Truth into a star. The film is a highlight reel of last week’s non-match, shot something like a trailer with footage from the cameraman Goldust brought with him. When the film is done, Truth is behind Goldust, munching on some popcorn. Goldust is quickly chased to the floor.

Sheamus and Cesaro come into Angle’s office so he can give them their stipulation for Sunday’s title match against the Hardys: a thirty minute Iron Man match. EGADS are they trying to give me an aneurysm with these guys feuding forever?

Seth Rollins vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins polls the fans on who is going to win here. After Rollins tells him to shut up, it’s the windup jumping knee to the face for the pin at 9 seconds.

Post match Rollins grabs the mic and calls Bray Wyatt a coward. Whenever he’s ready for a fight, Wyatt is nowhere to be seen. Wyatt always talks about how he’s a god and ready to destroy everything but on Sunday, Seth is going to expose him for what he is. The only question will be if Bray is a man or a coward.

Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar are live via satellite for a sitdown interview. Joe rants about being tired of answering questions because he’s ready to fight. Lesnar calls him a coward but Joe says Brock can never get his hands on him. Joe is ready to fight so Lesnar lists off all the names he’s beaten. That’s fine with Joe, who has a list of names he’s choked out. Lesnar and Heyman chuckle so Joe walks out and goes to find Brock. Angle tries to talk him down but security pulls Joe away from Lesnar’s room. I know Joe loses on Sunday but this is the best build of a Lesnar opponent in longer than I can remember.

Neville vs. Mustafa Ali

Non-title. Ali snaps off a running hurricanrana but it’s too early for the inverted 450. Instead Neville loads up a reverse belly to back superplex, only to have Ali land on his feet. The running tornado DDT plants Neville for two but he shoves Ali off the top for a crash. Ali’s head hits the barricade so Neville stomps away and tosses him into the air for the crash. For some reason Ali tries another rolling neckbreaker and eats a heck of a clothesline. The Rings of Saturn makes Ali tap at 6:20.

Rating: D+. The cruiserweights manage to kill another little piece of my soul. The matches are usually good but the show feels like it’s coming to a grinding halt whenever they show up. The 205 Live stuff is better but the matches here range from long to not interesting and that’s not good when they happen twice a week most of the time.

Bray Wyatt is in the desert and talks about people worshiping the sun. It’s been less than 100 days since Wrestlemania and things have been chaos ever since. The Beast has been made a mortal and there’s no stopping Bray now. On Sunday, Rollins will learn what it’s like to burn in the sun. This was as rambling of an interview as Bray has ever given and I have almost no idea what the point was supposed to be.

Bliss is leaving and says she let Sasha beat her as a strategy for Sunday.

Finn Balor vs. Cesaro

The Hardys jump in on commentary as part of a continuing trend tonight. Cesaro powers Balor up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to take over. Some chops in the corner rock Cesaro but Balor gets thrown to the floor in a heap as we take a break. Back with Finn getting two off a sunset flip but Cesaro muscles him up with a gutwrench suplex.

Finn fights back and kicks Cesaro away, only to have Elias Samson come out for a distraction. Swiss Death gives Cesaro two and another uppercut rocks Finn. It doesn’t rock him enough though as Finn kicks him off the apron. Samson breaks up a dive so the Hardys get off commentary to brawl with Samson and Sheamus. Finn dives onto everyone and we hit various finishers until Balor throws Cesaro back inside for the Coup de Grace and the pin at 15:05.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one but Cesaro and Sheamus have become a black hole of charisma and the Hardys aren’t exactly helping things. At the same time the tag division continues to die, American Alpha continues to sit in the black hole underneath Smackdown and the Revival was on Main Event last week and will be again this week. Just throwing that out there.

We run down the pay per view card. “Order now and get two pay per views for FREE” is the best pitch they could have for the Network.

Here’s an ambulance plus Braun Strowman to talk about how much he loves to hurt Roman Reigns. Titus O’Neil comes out to introduce Crews for the slaughter.

Apollo Crews vs. Braun Strowman

Crews does what he can to start but is quickly thrown outside as soon as Strowman gets his hands on him. We hit the neck crank before Crews is sent outside again. Titus fires him up enough that two enziguris stagger Strowman. The standing moonsault is broken up with Strowman kicking Apollo across the ring in an awesome block. Three straight powerslams finally put Crews away at 4:13.

Rating: D. This was just a step above a squash and that’s all it needed to be. Strowman is gearing up for the second biggest match at Sunday’s pay per view and it makes sense to have him squash someone. At least it was someone fresh and not the same stuff we’ve seen a dozen times.

Post match Titus tries to save Apollo from a worse beating but takes one himself. Apollo gets thrown into the ambulance but it won’t drive away. Of course Reigns is the driver (Thanks for having Crews’ back earlier you jerk) and he spears Strowman off the stage. Strowman is on his feet before the show is over.

Overall Rating: D+. Tonight felt like one of the longest shows I can remember in a good while. Parts of it were good and they’ve actually done a solid job of building up what should have been a nothing pay per view. Lesnar vs. Joe looks like a blast and I’m sure the ambulance match will be fun too. The problem here was the wrestling, which really didn’t do much for me and added even less to the show. It wasn’t the worst show in the world but it needed a good match in there to help carry things.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks b. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax – Bank Statement to Bliss

Cedric Alexander b. Noam Dar – Lumbar Check

Miz b. Heath Slater – Skull Crushing Finale

Seth Rollins b. Curt Hawkins – Windup jumping knee

Neville b. Mustafa Ali – Rings of Saturn

Finn Balor b. Cesaro – Coup de Grace

Braun Strowman b. Apollo Crews – Powerslam

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: January 30, 2003
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer to No Way Out and the big story is the return of Hulk Hogan, who showed up last week and punched out Vince McMahon. Other than that we have the far less important story of Brock Lesnar chasing Kurt Angle and the Smackdown World Title. You know, that secondary issue. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Vince vs. Hogan. Stephanie announcing that she had a surprise last week is included, solely for the purpose of getting Stephanie on TV.

Opening sequence.

A-Train vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio tries a 619 as A-Train gets in but settles for a dropkick off the apron before the bell. A spinning crossbody is easily caught and A-Train hammers away, only to get kicked in the face for his efforts. Rey gets two off a running dropkick but the Derailer cuts him in half for two.

Cole talks out the referee’s birthday because he’s running out of things to talk about less than three minutes into a match. A full nelson with Rey’s legs wrapped around A-Train’s thighs slows him down until Mysterio spins out and gets a DDT. Not that it matters as A-Train hits the bicycle kick and finishes with the Train Wreck (over the shoulder kneeling backbreaker).

Rating: D. I was hoping that last week’s loss in the tag match was the end of A-Train but we’re just lucky enough to get more of him. I mean….have you seen the size of his head? What I want to know though is why he’d use a move called the Train Wreck when he’s the train. Wouldn’t that be something a bit self destructive?

Paul Heyman says Big Show won’t be facing Big Show tonight because Big Show has the night off.

Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena

Cena cuts a fairly racist rap with almost every Mexican stereotype you can think of. Oh and overweight girls are bad at dodgeball. Eddie slugs him down in the corner and throws Cena outside for some cheating from Chavo. Back in and Cena tosses him into the air for a crash as Tazz compliments his rapping skills. Now it’s Red Dogg getting in a few shots of his own but the fans chant for Eddie anyway. What a double standard.

Cena shows off the power with a delayed vertical suplex and a side slam for two each. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Eddie fights up, only to have Red Dogg grab his foot. The distraction completely fails as Chavo shoves Cena off the top, setting up one of the best looking frog splashes I’ve ever seen for the pin.

Rating: C-. You could see things starting to click for Cena and that’s a very good sign. Couple that with Eddie being at his normal level of awesome and there’s almost a guarantee that it was going to be entertaining. Unfortunately they didn’t have the time to do anything and Dogg isn’t as entertaining as Buchanan, who was fun in a stupid goofy kind of way.

Heyman has an idea and flags down newcomer Brian Kendrick to help him out.

Vince comes in to see Stephanie and talk about the Hogan return last week. She turns it into a discussion of Eric Bischoff trying to bring back Steve Austin. Stephanie: “Your nemesis!” I love how Stephanie has to explain Steve Austin’s connection to Vince McMahon himself because A, Vince might not remember or B, the fans might not remember. She goes on to explain that Hogan is in fact a legend and tell Vince how awesome he was during the Monday Night Wars. Since there’s really nothing to say to that, Vince says he has a surprise for later. This has been the latest version of NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS.

Shannon Moore vs. Billy Kidman

Non-title. Shannon has Matt Hardy, who thinks that Shannon has an iota of Mattitude and was the longest surviving Smackdown superstar in the Rumble, in his corner. During the entrances we hear about Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie in a Rumble rematch…..on Velocity. Thank goodness they finally took the hint on that one. Kidman gets jumped to start but the threat of a right hand sends Shannon bailing to the floor.

The fans chant WE WANT JEFF as Shannon whips Kidman hard into the corner to set up a chinlock. Kidman fights out of the second chinlock and gets in a jumping elbow to the jaw as things speed up. Something like the Sky High gets two but Shannon hits a running Blockbuster from the side. That just earns him an enziguri and the shooting star gives Kidman the pin.

Rating: C. Shannon was showing some aggression here to play up the idea of having more Mattitude and that’s a good sign for him. He’s certainly not the most intimidating guy in the world so having him be more intense can only do good things for him. Moore always had the in-ring abilities but he needs a strong gimmick to get him anywhere.

Post match Matt lays out Kidman, hopefully giving him a challenger for the title. It would be nice for a change.

Here’s Vince for his surprise. He goes on a long and rather good rant about how Hulkamania is dying and he can’t wait to kill it himself. Hogan can talk about the power of Hulkamania all he wants and wear the red and yellow (Vince: “I still don’t get it.”) but the truth is that Hogan is a bloodsucking bottom feeder who is a manipulating businessman. What Hulk doesn’t want you to know is that Vince created Hogan and Hulkamania itself. That gets Vince to No Way Out, where Hogan will be going one on one with the Rock. Speaking of the Rock, here he is…..via satellite of course.

Rock immediately goes a bit heelish by ripping on Green Bay being way too cold for him to show up. The reality is that Rock doesn’t answer to Vince because he belongs to the people. Rock is going to bring the electricity like he brought at Wrestlemania where records were broken. At No Way Out, you’re going to have the biggest star of all time and on the other hand there’s Hulk Hogan.

When they meet again, Hogan is going to Hulk Up and Rock won’t be able to care less. It’s going to be Wrestlemania all over again with Hogan taking a beating, if you smell what he’s cooking. Rock was sprinkling the heel attitude throughout the promo but was getting cheered anyway. The key here was he didn’t go full blast with it, meaning he’ll be inching into his new attitude instead. You don’t get that enough and it takes someone as good as Rock to really pull it off.

Bill DeMott vs. Rikishi

It’s the rubber match! Why this warranted a second match, let alone a third, is beyond me. Rikishi grabs a headlock as the announcers talk about the Tough Enough match on Raw. DeMott sends him shoulder first into the post and grabs an abdominal stretch. Does that work when there’s so much gut there to pull on? A slam makes the ribs worse but the moonsault is countered with an electric chair. Rikishi superkicks him down and tries a DDT but DeMott grabs the ropes to send Rikishi crashing down. A cover with DeMott laying on the ropes gives him the pin.

Rating: D-. The ending here made things even worse than they would have been on their own. DeMott is going absolutely nowhere as this heel turn is a disaster so far. Having him beat up the cruiserweights was fine enough but you knew he was done as soon as they started having him trade wins with Rikishi of all people. Thankfully this is pretty much it for DeMott, who would have two more matches on Smackdown for the year while being shunted down to Velocity instead.

Undertaker comes out almost immediately after the match with DeMott bailing. After a break, Undertaker is sitting on the steps, saying this is where he’s supposed to say all the things he’s going to do to Big Show. Forget that though because we need to just shut up and fight. It’s Heyman instead though, reminding us that Show isn’t here tonight. Show has a message for Undertaker though and here’s Kendrick on a kid’s bicycle in a singing telegram outfit.

Undertaker has about as much of this as you would expect but tells Kendrick to do whatever he’s supposed to. Kendrick “sings” something about Big Show never doing something (he wasn’t easy to understand) so Undertaker threatens Heyman. Brian actually asks for a tip…..and gets $100! Undertaker has him sing again and the beating is on in a hurry. Naturally Undertaker takes the money back. Well to be fair Kendrick was off key.

Kurt Angle gives his team a pep talk, even quoting Vince Lombardi but making sure to insult the Green Bay Packers to avoid the face reaction. I would list off what Kurt says but I’m too distracted by how sweet those track suits are. The gist of it: win at any costs.

Video on Brock Lesnar, which is basically just an edited version of his talk from last week.

Sean O’Haire tells us to drink and smoke.

Team Angle vs. Edge/Chris Benoit

The winners get a title shot next week and Angle sits in on commentary. Kurt: “They call me Captain Kurt.” Cole: “How’s Mr. Spock?” Benoit takes over on Haas to start and chops away in the corner. Benjamin comes in for a gutbuster because he’s better than Haas. Shelton misses a charge so it’s off to Edge as the pace picks way up. With his team in trouble, Angle gets up on the apron but gets speared right back down. Why Edge spearing the title doesn’t cause him damage isn’t clear but whatever.

The house cleaning continues with Edge missile dropkicking Benjamin for two and we take a break. Back with Benoit stomping on Benjamin and Edge starting in on Charlie’s shoulder. An armbar cuts off Charlie’s comeback but Benoit can’t get the Crossface. Coach Kurt talks Charlie to his feet for a belly to belly though and the Angleites take over.

Shelton starts in on the knee and Charlie works on a leglock. A reverse Figure Four keeps Edge in trouble, much to Edge’s delight. Shelton cannonballs down onto the leg and grabs a regular Figure Four. Benoit comes in and breaks it up by hitting Benjamin in the head, only to have Haas grab a Figure Four of his own.

He’s no Shelton though so Edge gets out and sends him into the corner for the hot tag to Benoit. Chris starts rolling the German suplexes and Swan Dives Shelton for two. The Crossface is broken up and Angle hits Benoit with the title to give Shelton the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. Good stuff here, like it would have been anything else. Team Angle has taken to the ring very smoothly and it makes for some very entertaining matches. I’m glad they went with the regular team instead of another two man combination who teams together when they need to. Kurt cheating to win is the right move here too as it plays off the speech he gave to them earlier.

Overall Rating: D+. Strong main event aside, there’s not enough here to really get excited about. Hogan vs. Rock should be good but watching stuff like A-Train wreck Mysterio and DeMott vs. Rikishi, followed by Undertaker beating up a guy just trying to make a living isn’t exactly thrilling TV. The talking really hurt things this week and there’s only so much that one really good match can do to counter that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 7, 2007
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is another request as I try (in vain) to clear out that overly large pile. We’re coming up on Unforgiven 2007 meaning Great Khali is Smackdown World Champion with Batista chasing him. Tonight’s main event is Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio in an I Quit match as those two were joined at the hip for years. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap shows Rey Mysterio winning a competition last week to become #1 contender, only to be destroyed by Khali.

Opening sequence, featuring some of the wrestlers turning into comic book style drawings. Couple that with the fist and is there any wonder why Smackdown was considered so much cooler than Raw?

We open with MVP’s VIP Lounge with MVP bragging about being the US Champion and half of the Tag Team Champions with Matt Hardy (which they won last week). He’s so awesome that he’s the host and the guest but he’s also having Matt out here as a bonus. After Matt has to check in with the bouncer, MVP takes credit for the win.

We see a clip of MVP coming in to get the pin after Matt wrestled the entire match, which MVP says makes him the captain. Matt smirks and shows us a clip of his own. After last week’s match, MVP was bragging to his agent when Matt came in and asked what that was. MVP calls it vision so Matt punches him in the jaw. Back live, Matt says he wants a US Title shot but MVP says they have a Tag Team Title defense at Unforgiven against former champions Deuce N Domino. As for tonight though, Matt has a match right now.

Matt Hardy vs. Deuce

Matt is in jeans and we’re joined in progress after a break. Deuce fires in some shoulders to the ribs but gets sent into the buckles a few times. A hot shot cuts Matt off as MVP keeps cheering him on. We hit the neck crank for a good while until Matt shrugs off a superplex attempt. The Side Effect gets two but a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and MVP deals with Domino, allowing Matt to grab the Side Effect for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a quick match here to keep the MVP/Matt story going because the INCREDIBLY long time spent on it just wasn’t enough. There was a good idea behind it but the constant health issues hurt it a lot. At least it gave Matt a spotlight near the top of his singles run, which was quite the welcome development.

Jamie Noble has an AKME (yes AKME) leprechaun trap, which means putting Lucky Charms underneath a box to catch Hornswoggle. Shannon Moore thinks this is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen because Shannon is, you know, smart. They wait on Hornswoggle to make sure the stupidity stretches out even longer.

We look at Rey Mysterio’s debut when he beat Chavo Guerrero, who he faces in an I Quit match tonight. This included Tazz calling it the Six Nineteen (fair enough, just odd to hear).

Kenny Dykstra vs. Chuck Palumbo

Kenny (from the Spirit Squad, now just a cocky prospect) has Victoria as a trainer while Palumbo is a biker with Michelle McCool (who is always better looking than I remember). Cole: “How can you not get into a Chuck Palumbo match???” Chuck starts fast with belly to back suplexes as the announcers try to get over “motorcycle mechanic” as a good gimmick. Dykstra starts in on the arm but gets caught in a powerslam for his efforts. Victoria goes after Chuck’s bike for some reason so Michelle takes care of her, leaving Chuck to hit the Full Throttle (spinning Big Ending) for the pin. This was what you would expect it to be.

Teddy Long is getting married to Krystal Marshall (not around long) in two weeks and gives her a Jagged Edge CD. They’ll be performing at the wedding. Krystal gets a phone call from her mom and leaves so Vickie Guerrero suggests he give the CD to Vince. It’s not funny.

Video on Chavo costing Mysterio the World Title.

Finlay/Great Khali vs. Kane/Batista

Rematch from Saturday Night’s Main Event to make sure you remember that the show exists. The World Title looking so small on Khali’s shoulder is always a cool visual. Finlay and Batista get things going with Big Dave actually using a leg trip to take Finlay down. It’s off to some arm cranking, followed by a headlock takeover of all things. A bit of an awkward sequence ends in Finlay taking an atomic drop, followed by a catapult to send him into Khali.

Back from a break with Finlay still in trouble and Kane coming in to what I hope was a canned pop. I’d hate to think that 2007 Kane was really that popular. A suplex gets two as the announcers talk about how mad Kane is. I wouldn’t think someone that angry would be suplexing people but Kane is an odd parakeet. Khali comes in for the big showdown but Finlay low bridges Kane to the floor to take over.

We hit the slow motion offense and, again, that doesn’t make Khali bad. He’s not someone who should be doing flashy stuff so having him do the basics but doing them well is exactly what how he should be going about his matches. Khali kicks Kane in the face and we hit the nerve hold, with Khali’s back to the camera. That looks so foreign today and, contrary to what WWE thinks, it’s really not a big deal as a camera goes over to film it from the other side so we can see the all important face.

Khali breaks out of a chokeslam attempt but takes an enziguri to the elbow (Cole’s words, as enziguri means HEAD kick, therefore meaning it can’t hit the elbow by definition). Finlay pulls Batista to the floor though and the beating continues. The shoulder goes into the post and Runjin Singh gets on the apron so Finlay can use the club. Unfortunately it also allows Batista to spear Finlay down. A double clothesline puts Khali on the floor and a chokeslam ends Finlay.

Rating: C+. Fairly good tag match here with the ending being a bit surprising as Batista didn’t get the hot tag. Kane looked good here and acted like the veteran that he is, much like Finlay. Khali was used in spurts here, which is what should be done with a giant like him. I liked this more than I thought I would, though to be fair that’s not the highest level of accomplishment.

After a good match, it’s back to the Hornswoggle hunt. He gets the cereal and breaks the rope, annoying Moore and Noble. Naturally Hornswoggle has left the belt where the cereal was and tied his own rope, meaning Jamie gets caught in his own trap. Sweet chipmunks on popsicle sticks that made my head hurt.

We look at Rey beating Chavo up at No Mercy 2006 as revenge for costing him the World Title.

Jesse and Festus have arrived and find Noble still in the box. Jesse: “THEY HAVE TALKING BOXES HERE!” Noble is stuck in the box because a professional athlete is incapable of lifting a box off the ground and getting his foot under it or something.

Cruiserweight Title: Hornswoggle vs. Jamie Noble

Hornswoggle is defending but there’s no Jamie, meaning he loses by countout.

Noble comes out after the match and chases Hornswoggle, who leaves marbles behind to trip Jamie. I know the line is that Hornswoggle killed the cruiserweights but (if the title wasn’t dead by the time Hornswoggle got it), this is the kind of stuff that ended it for good. This is unfunny nonsense that would amuse a three year old and it’s over a title.

We go back to Raw as Vince is trying to find out the identity of his illegitimate son. Linda threatened to sue him over all of his alleged affairs and the rest of the family wants him to get help. Vince got on his knee and vowed to be a better person but Mr. Kennedy interrupted, flat out saying he’s the son. That would have been on August 27. Three days later, Kennedy was popped for a Wellness Policy violation (along with ten others) and the whole storyline was scrapped, basically ending Kennedy’s time as anything important in the company.

Undertaker is coming back at Unforgiven. I’m assuming he died again recently. Or there were a bunch of people popped for steroids and we needed some star power to divert attention.

A druid is in the ring when Mark Henry, the man who injured Undertaker, comes out. The lights go out and the druid disappears as the gong sounds.

We look at Chavo beating Rey Mysterio into knee surgery in their first I Quit match.

Unforgiven rundown.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

I Quit. Chavo has a chair that he calls part of both Mysterio’s past and future. Knee injuries are promised again. The referee takes the chair outside before the bell (no need for that) and Rey comes out slugging (there’s a rare sight). Rey gets choked on the ropes and limps to the floor, only to come back in with the first of likely many hurricanranas. They head outside with a chair duel going to Chavo, who cracks Rey in the ribs.

It’s too early to have an effect though as Mysterio kicks him in the head and scores with some chair shots of his own. Back in and Chavo muscles him over with a German suplex before starting in on the knee with the chair. That just earns him a sitout bulldog onto the chair and a 619 into the chair makes things even worse. A chair to the knee cuts Rey off though and we take a break.

Back with Chavo holding a half crab but not being able to hit a powerbomb onto a pair of chairs. Instead Chavo chairs him in the knee again and puts the chair around his neck for a ram into the post. Rey isn’t done yet (because crushing your neck isn’t enough to end a match) and hits a top rope seated senton to drive Chavo through the chair in a cool visual. The Gory Bomb onto a chair puts Rey down again though but he breaks up the frog splash. A chair to the head ties Chavo in the Tree of Woe and Rey unloads on Chavo’s knee to make Chavo quit.

Rating: B. Rey popping up from a lot of shots to the knee aside, this was all the match needed to be. I don’t think anyone believed Chavo was going to beat Mysterio in a second major match and having Mysterio get the win back, even in the same way Chavo beat him the first time, is the way to go here. Chavo did better than I was expecting here and the match was entertaining, as it needed to be.

Post match here’s Khali to hook Mysterio in the Vice, causing blood to flow from Rey’s mouth. Batista makes the save and Teddy Long adds him to Sunday’s match for the sake of making the title match interesting.

Overall Rating: C+. The first half wasn’t great but after we got around the Hornswoggle nonsense, this was actually a pretty nice show. The big gimmick main event helped and the tag match was a nice way to bridge things along. Smackdown in 2007 was one of those years where they were ignored so much that they were able to put on an entertaining show while the focus was all on Raw. That’s often a good thing and it worked well here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 27, 2003
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Eric Bischoff’s time to fix Raw continues to count down but he has a secret weapon: magazine interviews! Yeah that was his big announcement last week: Steve Austin can tell his side of the story in Raw Magazine. I’m going to assume that it leads to an on-screen return but at least it gives us something to talk about other than HHH vs. Scott Steiner, which is still going for some reason as well. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with Scott Steiner getting the first group beatdown at the hands of HHH, Ric Flair, Randy Orton and Batista. I’m sure a name will be coming soon.

Opening sequence.

Booker T. vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff has been, shall we say, more aggressive and angry lately but he hasn’t pulled the trigger just yet. Feeling out process to start with Booker missing the side kick but scoring with some big chops. Jeff knees him down though and grabs a chinlock as the announcers talk about Bischoff’s potential firing.

I’ve been watching some old 80s stuff lately and this makes me miss the old commentary so much more. Back then the announcers would talk about the match going on like it was the only thing that mattered at the moment while here, it could be anything else other than the match going on in front of them. Booker gets back up and avoids the Whisper in the Wind. The ax kick misses and Jeff drops the legs between Booker’s legs. Now the Whisper connects but Booker grabs the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for the quick pin.

Rating: C-. Not a bad little match here as Booker/Goldust doesn’t seem to be getting the most focus at this point. As much as I wanted to see them get a better push with the Tag Team Titles, HHH is desperately in need of a challenger who can have a competent match and Booker would fill that role very well. It’s also nice to open the show with a match instead of some segment, which isn’t the best way to get a show going on a good note.

Jeff attacks Booker but gets beaten down. That’s quite the heel turn.

Nathan Jones video.

Here’s Steiner for a chat. He thinks HHH orchestrated that whole thing last week so get out here right now. This brings out the champ, with the long blond hair, sunglasses and suit for a look that says “I don’t know how to be Ric Flair”. HHH brags about how awesome he is and agrees to come to the ring….but here are the reinforcements. The team comes after him but Steiner pulls out a pipe and chases them off. Simple idea, but I’m not sure you want to have your new heel stable being chased off in their second appearance together.

Terri interviews D’Lo Brown before his match with Hurricane. Terri: “Now you’ve never been in the ring with a superhero before have you?” Teddy Long goes on a rant about the lack of black superheroes. The only one he knows of is Black Lightning, suggesting that Long doesn’t know much about superheroes.

Hurricane vs. D’Lo Brown

Going back to the complaints about commentary, the announcers talk about black superheroes, which turns into a discussion about Shaft. Brown starts fast with the leg lariat (Is that a super power?) and follows with an abdominal stretch (I’m assuming rest holds are like his yellow sun?). Hurricane grabs a hurricanrana and something like an Edge-o-Matic for two before sending Brown outside. A flip dive seems to hurt Hurricane’s back though and he can’t get a suplex back inside. The Sky High is enough to put Hurricane away.

Rating: D+. The ending with the bad back was a nice touch but the commentary hurt things a lot. Brown and Hurricane are fine enough for a low level heel act but I don’t know how far they’re going to go with the thing. You can also add Hurricane to the list of people who were given titles last year and seemingly gained nothing as a result.

Chief Morely is watching a tape of the end of last week’s Smackdown where Hulk Hogan returned and punched Vince out. Morely thinks that’s going to get Bischoff an extension on the thirty days, which Bischoff calls stupid, as he should be doing. Eric has an idea.

Chris Jericho, who will be facing Steiner next week in a #1 contenders match, is disturbed by hurting that ring post in front of Stacy Keibler last week. Somehow Stacy has a grade 2 concussion and Jericho needs to go address the situation.

Here’s Jericho, in black and white checker pants, to address said situation after a break. He’s concerned about what’s going to happen: he has to face Scott Steiner! While that’s a big deal, he does apologize to Stacy, only to be cut off by Christian. He doesn’t think much of what happened to Stacy because this is a wrestling ring and it was all her fault. JR is at his most offended here as Jericho says the blame should be on Test. If Test was a real man, he would have taken the shot himself. JR: “WHAT???”

Test deserved it after throwing Jericho out of the Royal Rumble but here’s Shawn Michaels to disagree. After making fun of Jericho’s pants, he says a real man would come down and fight Jericho face to face, which is exactly what he’s going to do. Christian helps with the beatdown but Shawn cleans house without too much effort.

Victoria beats on a trashcan with Trish Stratus’ picture on it to get ready for the street fight.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Victoria (looking especially good here in pink) is defending in a street fight and jumps Trish from behind with a pool cue. Trish is sent into the steps and Victoria stops to pose in the ring. A Chick Kick drops the champ and a clothesline gets two on the floor (street fights and hardcore matches aren’t the same thing but you can’t expect WWE to keep up with something like rules).

Back in and Victoria misses a charge into the post and gets two trashcan lids cracked around her head. Victoria is right back with a catapult into a trashcan in the corner but a Stratusphere gives Trish two. Steven Richards tries a fire extinguisher but hits Victoria by mistake. Richards comes in for the save so Trish kendo sticks him away. Stratusfaction is broken up and Trish is sent into the barricade…for the pin? What a lame ending.

Rating: C+. That ending really hurt things here as they were beating the heck out of each other and looking more polished as almost any hardcore match you would see from this company. It felt like they were actually trying to hurt each other, which is far more than you can say about these matches most of the time. Just find a new challenger though as the feud is really starting to look stale.

Victoria and Richards beat on Trish some more until Jazz returns to get in her own shots. A DDT and STF have Trish screaming and I’m sure we’ll be having a match at No Way Out as a result.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending in a tables match (ladder match according to JR). Bubba and D-Von jump the champs to start and get in some shots with flag poles. Storm gets speared down and send outside in a heap as JR lists off the Dudleys’ record in table matches with the titles on the line since 2000. Well how can you argue with general statistics like that?

The reverse 3D drops Regal and the regular version does the same to Storm but, instead of going for a table, here’s a What’s Up to Regal. It’s table time….but there are no tables present. You can find a small hardware store under there most of the time but we can’t find a single table? Also, ANNNOUNCER’S TABLE anyone?. Morely comes out with a table and says he’s not that stupid. The Dudleys go after him and here are Rico and 3 Minute Warning to lay them out. The beatdown is on and even Spike Dudley’s interference can’t stop D-Von from being powerbombed through the table to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This was a squash until the second half was all about the interference. The problem with the whole evil regime thing is you basically have Val Venis, two Samoans, the most boring Tag Team Champions ever and Rico vs. the Dudleys. Why in the world is that supposed to be interesting? I say supposed to because it certainly isn’t, but WWE is likely going to keep it out there as long as they can.

Video on the recent tour of Asia.

HHH and company come in to see Bischoff about the #1 contenders match but then changes his mind because he’s not worried.

Matt Cappotelli and John Hennigan (looking WEIRD with much shorter hair) are ready for an exhibition. Al Snow comes up to give them a pep talk but EVIL Christopher Nowinski is behind them with an evil smile.

Rob Van Dam is cool with Kane throwing him out of the Rumble. They’re ready to fight HHH and Batista tonight. Rob thinks the chokeslam is cool and then lists off all of his own moves. Kane does Rob’s thumb pose while calling himself the Big Red Machine. These two are a good choice for an upper midcard team, which tends to be the case with Kane more often than not. Not the worst role in the world to have actually.

We recap the Tough Enough 3 finale.

Matt Cappotelli vs. John Hennigan

They both look nervous, not to mention small. Matt headlocks him to the mat to start as Snow watches from ringside. John flips out of a hiptoss and hits a dropkick with a backflip for two. Cue Nowinski to post Snow and stop the match for a speech instead.

Nowinski rants about not winning Tough Enough but here’s Dreamer to chase him off, only to cane the rookies down for not earning the right to be here. I always liked Matt more than John and given that this is being written the day he announced that his brain cancer had returned, this was very bittersweet.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to worry about having a drink or a smoke.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to talk about Austin. We see a clip from Confidential back in June with everyone burying Austin for walking out on the company. There are two sides to every story though and Austin will be telling his side in Raw Magazine. This will includes talking about JR, Debra (recently divorced) and a host of various wrestlers, entirely uncensored. For now though, here’s the Austin Desire video.

Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. HHH/Batista

Kane and Batista start things off with JR already talking about the Austin article. Batista stops a charge with an elbow but eats a jumping clothesline. It’s off to Van Dam for the shoulders in the corner but the backflip lets Batista run him over. HHH comes in and gets kicked in the face as JR and King talk about horses in Oklahoma.

Batista takes Van Dam’s head off with a hard clothesline but Van Dam kicks HHH in the face (again), allowing the hot tag off to Kane. Side slams abound and the top rope clothesline drops Batista. The Five Star doesn’t quite work though, leaving Orton to post Kane. Batista rips the mask off (giving us a pretty clear shot of most of his face), sending Kane up the ramp in shame. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb end Van Dam.

Rating: D. Boring for the most part here with the mask stuff being the only thing of much note. Van Dam and Kane are good options for the jobbers here, though at the end of the day they need to build up SOMEONE other than Steiner for the future. I know Kane and Van Dam aren’t the most interesting people but having them lose in seven minutes isn’t the best way to give us people to fight against the heel faction.

Post match Van Dam gets beaten down until Steiner comes in. That earns him a beatdown from an invading Jericho and then the whole group, with Scott getting some color. HHH and company leave so Jericho slaps on the Walls to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They kept this show moving for the most part but the shadow of HHH vs. Steiner and Austin returning for Bischoff’s sake isn’t the best stuff to put on top of the card. Couple that with stuff like D’Lo Brown: Black Superhero and the never ending Tough Enough nonsense and it can make for a tedious show. They managed to make the best of some bad situations though and the show was as watchable as it’s going to get around this time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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205 Live
Date: June 27, 2017
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Corey Graves

We’re in an interesting place here as we have the upcoming Cruiserweight Title match with Neville defending his title against Akira Tozawa at Great Balls of Fire, but a lot of the build isn’t even taking place on the cruiserweight show. The title being spread across two different shows makes things a bit odd but more importantly, it means you don’t really have to watch this show when you can get most of the story on Raw. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at the setup for the title match, including Tozawa signing with Titus Worldwide in exchange for the title shot.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show as the ladders are cleared out.

Jack Gallagher should have expected Tony Nese to fake an injury like a true rogue would have. He won’t make the same mistake against a villain like Brian Kendrick.

Brian Kendrick vs. Jack Gallagher

With the announcers making Anchorman references, here’s Kendrick dressed up like Gallagher for some reason. Kendrick calls Gallagher a laughingstock, just like the huge embarrassment that England doesn’t realize it is. He sees Gallagher as a pint sized William Regal imitation and Jack really doesn’t seem pleased. Kendrick, wrestling in the suit, grabs a headlock to start and twists his fake mustache at Gallagher.

Jack comes back with his corner headstand but Kendrick is smart enough to just stand in the middle of the ring and tell Jack to “come on stupid”. He’s got his insults cranked up to eleven tonight. Kendrick sends him hard into the corner to bang up Gallagher’s ribs as this has been one sided so far. Jack gets in a dropkick but Kendrick hits him with the umbrella for the DQ at 3:04.

Rating: D+. This was angle advancement (or at least the start of one) instead of much of a match. I can always go for a heel smart enough to not fall for the usual tricks of someone like Gallagher. If you’ve seen any match from Gallagher, there’s no reason to go after him when he’s in the corner and thankfully Kendrick was smart enough to get there. This should be entertaining going forward.

Kendrick breaks the umbrella over Gallagher.

Drew Gulak thinks his loss last week shows off the reason for his No Fly Zone. The fans are smart enough to know he’s not going to lose to some high flying move because Mustafa Ali beat him with a wrestling move when the high flying failed. Ali comes up and accuses Gulak of not being able to fly. Well I’d hope so. I mean, humans normally can’t do that. Gulak seems offended but hopefully he doesn’t go out and get wings attached to his back in some complicated surgical procedure.

Mustafa Ali vs. Drew Gulak

They hit the mat to start with Ali getting a bit of an advantage until Gulak pops him in the jaw. Gulak gets in a kick to the chest and stomps on Ali’s chest to keep him in trouble. We hit the neck crank (because of course we do) and then the chinlock to show off Drew’s versatility. Back up and Ali’s comeback is quickly cut off with a suplex into the corner, earning Drew a verbal lashing from the referee.

Ali grabs a tornado DDT for a breather and takes Gulak to the top. With the referee telling them they have a minute left, Gulak shoves him off the top and starts looking nervous. Gulak’s knees start shaking and he goes up, while doing the Jimmy Snuka I Love You sign. The splash misses and Ali rolls him up for the pin at 6:54.

Rating: C. I’m getting into this feud more every week as they’re starting to add in a few twists instead of just doing the same basic stuff over and over. While I’d love to see Gulak gain some followers and go somewhere with the idea, Gulak going crazy and not knowing what to do next has possibilities as well. Setting this up in the promo before the match was perfectly done and played off in the match. It’s basic storytelling, which you don’t get enough of in WWE.

Noam Dar apologizes to Ariya Daivari for losing his bag and tells Ariya to take it out on Cedric Alexander tonight. Daivari doesn’t want the money back because $15,000 is nothing to him. That’s cool with Dar, who is broke thanks to Alicia Fox and her Facetiming. Speaking of which, Fox calls him again but Daivari hangs up on her. Dar still owes him so Daivari breaks his phone.

Ariya Daivari vs. Cedric Alexander

Feeling out process to start until Alexander is sent to the apron for the springboard clothesline. Daivari avoids a charge and kind of hiptosses him into the corner to take over though, setting up a dropkick from the apron. We hit the chinlock for a good while until Cedric fights up with a kick to the head. Cue Dar for a distraction though, allowing Daivari to hit the hammerlock lariat for the pin at 4:57.

Rating: C-. Again, this was much more about the angle than anything else. The problem is that with the Gallagher vs. Kendrick match, the angle actually felt fresh. This on the other hand, feels like something we’ve seen forever THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. There’s no reason for Dar and Alexander to keep fighting as we’ve seen them go at it time after time and now they’re still going just because. That’s bad writing, which is a horrible plague on WWE.

Post match Dar beats on Alexander and tells Fox (at home) that the Cedric Alexander chapter is over. Dar: “Yo Alicia! WE DID IT!”

Here’s Neville to wrap up the show. He’s been hearing about a new challenger and unfortunately, that someone has been misguided and mislead. Of course he means Tozawa, giving us the AH AH AH from the crowd. Neville doesn’t care about the white noise that is Titus O’Neil but Tozawa is about to find out that he’s not on the Neville Level. Tozawa comes out and says AH a lot, which only seems to annoy Neville. The fight is on and Neville is kicked to the floor to end the show. Good segment here as Tozawa needs to be portrayed as closer to equal with Neville, or at least getting inside his head.

Overall Rating: C+. This was about setting things up for the future and it did very well in that regard. The big story here was setting up the Cruiserweight Title match and given how awesome that has the potential to be, hopefully they don’t manage to screw anything up. The rest of the show helped to build things up but the quality may vary depending on your individual taste.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: June 27, 2017
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s ladies night with two major women’s matches on the card. First up we have the second ever women’s Money in the Bank ladder match as the WWE tries to fix the mess they made out of the first one just nine days ago. After that we have Lana challenging Naomi for the Women’s Title in another Money in the Bank rematch. It’s almost like they’re just doing the same things twice for the sake of not having to come up with anything new. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at the Money in the Bank ladder match from the pay per view and the build to tonight with the theme of seizing opportunity when you get the chance. This is also used on the rest of the major stories going on around here.

Here’s Daniel Bryan to hype up the ladder match and explain the concept, only to be cut off by Carmella. She goes on the same rant she went on last week, explaining the rules of the Money in the Bank match and saying she didn’t break any rules. Carmella: “How can you break a rule if there are no rules???” Other people have interfered in ladder matches and those results weren’t changed. Bryan says he’s heard this before and we’re having the ladder match.

James Ellsworth tells the people to shut up and calls Bryan pathetic. He looks at Bryan and sees a coward who is staying out of the ring because of some fake injury. Daniel smiles and says he should just fire Ellsworth but instead just bans him from the entire arena for the rest of the night. Security comes out and drags him away as this opening segment wraps up after nearly fifteen minutes with really nothing new being done.

Hype Bros vs. Usos

Non-title but if the Hype Bros win, they get a future title shot. Zack and Jimmy start things off with an armdrag sending Uso down. It’s off to both partners with Mojo clotheslining Jey to the floor for a dive from Ryder. Jey gets in a superkick though and we take a break. Back with Ryder missing a charge in the corner and Jimmy adding the Superfly splash for the pin at 5:42. Not enough to rate due to the break but the commercial seemed completely worthless as there was less than ten seconds of action after the break.

Post match the New Day comes out to challenge for the titles at Battleground. The Usos accept, in rhyme no less. Kofi rhymes a bit of his own and tromboning ensues.

It’s Fashion Vice time with Ascension sitting in an interrogation room to be grilled by Breezango. Fandango holds up the stick figure drawing, which Konnor says isn’t them. Fandango: “You expect me to believe that? Because I do.” He offers two tickets to paradise (as in Eddie Money tickets) in exchange for information but that goes nowhere.

Breeze pulls out the water guns….and offers them iced tea and a cheese platter. Konnor says it wasn’t them and they were just at Money in the Bank to get a match. Noise is heard elsewhere and they leave to find their office trashed again. Fandango: “Sweet Richard Simmons.” There must be someone else so Breezango starts thinking. As they do, Ascension takes the concert tickets. That’s better as Ascension was the lamest reveal they could have done.

Women’s Title: Naomi vs. Lana

Lana is challenging and jumps Naomi during the Big Match Intros. The bell rings and Lana’s sitout spinebuster gets two. So much for that as a finisher. Naomi kicks her in the head and hits the split legged moonsault to retain at 41 seconds.

Becky Lynch is ready to have a fair chance to win Money in the Bank.

Here’s Aiden English to sing about how awesome he is. Cue Randy Orton to cut him off and we take a break. Back with Orton sitting in a chair, having RKO’d English during the commercial. We look back at Orton taking out the Singh Brothers last week (because we haven’t had enough filler on this show yet) before Orton says he wants another shot at Mahal’s title.

If he doesn’t get it, he’s going to beat Mahal up in the back. Then he’ll beat Mahal up in the parking lot. Then he’ll beat Mahal up in the airport. Then he’ll beat Mahal up at next week’s show too. At what point does Mahal file a restraining order? Here’s Shane McMahon to keep Orton from going Mahal hunting by saying we can’t have this. Orton is willing to be fired and go from city to city and spend all his money beating Mahal up.

Shane points out that the Singh Brothers did things that Orton has done before but he can sympathize with these feelings. The rematch is set for Battleground but there will be a stipulation chosen by Mahal. That’s cool with Orton but here’s Mahal to interrupt as well. Mahal says this is what’s wrong with everything around here when Orton isn’t worthy of a rematch. He mentions Great Khali being an inspiration (who he hated back in the day) and makes it a Punjabi Prison match. As luck would have it, there’s a video all primed up and ready to go as soon as he says it.

AJ Styles and Kevin Owens come in to see Bryan with Owens saying AJ couldn’t answer last week’s Open Challenge because he’s already been beaten. Styles makes an Anchorman reference which Owens doesn’t get (I don’t either as I only saw that movie once and didn’t care for it. I’ll wait here for you to gather your pitchforks.). Bryan has an idea: next week on the Fourth of July, we’ll have a battle royal with the winner facing Owens for the title at Battleground.

Here are Mike and Maria Kanellis for their Smackdown debut, only to have Sami Zayn cut them off in just a few seconds.

Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin

Sami goes right after him to start and sends Corbin to the floor, only to get tossed into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Corbin still in control and grabbing a bearhug. Sami slips out and hits that hard clothesline of his and avoids a charge, sending Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin misses another charge and gets rolled up for two before driving Sami right back into the same corner. A headbutt puts Corbin down but he catches a charging Sami with End of Days for the pin at 8:11.

Rating: C-. Just a quick win for Corbin here and that’s why Sami is around: he can lose several matches but the one or two wins he does get are enough to fuel him for a long time. Corbin needed this win to get him back on track for the sake of him being Mr. Money in the Bank, which should keep him going for a long time.

Shinsuke Nakamura says Corbin is scared of him and for good reason.

Charlotte vs. Tamina vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Natalya

Money in the Bank. Everyone brawls on the floor to start, leaving Carmella to make the very early climb. Naturally it’s very slow, allowing the other four to come in and stop her without too much effort. We’re quickly down to Becky vs. Charlotte with Lynch being left alone, only to have Tamina come back to send her into the ladder. A not great looking Superfly Splash crushes Becky and we take a break.

Back with Natalya suplexing Charlotte but getting suplexed on the floor by Becky. Charlotte and Tamina fight over the ladder until Natalya makes a save and loads it up over Charlotte in the corner. Natalya starts to climb but Charlotte shoves her ladder up to make a ramp for the save. Carmella shoves the ladder over, only to take a pumphandle suplex from Becky.

Back from another break with Natalya climbing slowly enough that Charlotte can make a save. Everyone but Carmella gets shoved down but the other four are right back to lift the ladder up and carry it away from the case. Carmella dives onto Becky and Natalya, leaving Charlotte to drop Tamina again. Charlotte puts the ladder over Tamina and climbs but Carmella is back to grab her legs.

Tamina pushes the ladder up from the mat for another save and superkicks the air in front of Charlotte’s face. A double powerbomb brings Carmella down but Natalya tries a Sharpshooter on Carmella. The announcers say it’s to take the legs out, though HITTING HER WITH A LADDER might make more sense.

Natalya goes after Charlotte and fights her into the crowd…..and here’s Ellsworth to climb the ladder. Becky shoves him over and crotches him on the top. Carmella makes another save and Becky hurts her leg on the landing. Carmella gives her a really bad chair shot to the back and climbs up for the briefcase at 24:29.

Rating: B-. General issues with ladder matches aside (the Sharpshooter, fighting into the crowd, slow climbing until the very end etc.), completely acceptable stuff for the most part. This was more long than good but they got the ending right, which was by far the most important thing they could have done here. Of course this begs the question of why they didn’t just do this in the first place but you have to take what you can get from WWE most of the time. At least Carmella won and looks strong as she goes after the title now, which is what matters most.

Overall Rating: C. The ladder match saves a lot of this but it was clear they were filling in as much time as they could. I have no idea what the point of the Women’s Title match was and the Hype Bros match was a bit of a waste of time as well. The ending worked though and that’s the most important part, especially when next week changes everything as Cena is back. Not a bad show, but it’s all about the main event and nothing more.

Results

Usos b. Hype Bros – Superfly Splash to Ryder

Naomi b. Lana – Split legged moonsault

Baron Corbin b. Sami Zayn – End of Days

Carmella won Money in the Bank

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 26, 2017
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

Things are getting interesting around here with last week’s show seeing Big Cass revealed as attacking himself to set up Enzo Amore. Why Cass didn’t just attack Amore during a match isn’t clear but that’s life in WWE. Other than that, Brock Lesnar is in the house and planning to call out Samoa Joe. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Roman Reigns to open things up and the WE WANT STROWMAN chants are already out in full force. Reigns: “If you let me get this out you might like this.” He admits that he got choked out last week and Braun Strowman returned to pick the bones. The ambulance match is on and Reigns is ready to drive Strowman out of the building.

Cue an ambulance backing into the arena (I was hoping for a Scott Steiner cameo) so Reigns goes to investigate, only to find…..no one in the back. Instead Strowman jumps him from behind and throws Roman onto the stage. Braun isn’t done with him though and throws Roman back off the stage and against the ambulance. Reigns gets tossed into the ambulance with the doors closed without much effort.

Elias Samson/Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Hardy Boyz/Finn Balor

The good guys cut off what was going to be Samson singing with Sheamus and Cesaro, thereby making them villains. Matt and Sheamus start things off and it’s quickly off to Jeff for Poetry in Motion. Sheamus and Cesaro are sent to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Balor kicking Cesaro in the ribs and actor Josh Duhamel on commentary. A basement dropkick gets two for Balor as we hear about Sheamus appearing in a movie with Duhamel.

As you might expect, the match is COMPLETELY ignored to talk about the movie with only Duhamel sounding interested in the action. Balor tries to fight out of the corner but gets caught in an over the shoulder backbreaker. That doesn’t last long either as Jeff slips out and gets in the legdrop between Sheamus’ legs, only to be sent into the corner as we take another break.

Back with Sheamus giving Jeff the Irish Curse, which the announcers actually acknowledge. Jeff escapes again and brings in Matt to take over on Samson. The Side Effect gets two with Sheamus making the save, only to have Balor get the hot tag to really clean house. The Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus is sent outside for the big flip dive. Balor dropkicks Cesaro into the corner and the Coup de Grace is good for the pin at 17:28.

Rating: C. This was two segments in one as the first half was Duhamel plugging all of his projects (nothing wrong with that as I’m sure a studio told him to do it and he doesn’t know anything about wrestling) and then a pretty good match after the second break. Balor getting the pin is a good idea, though I’m not sure in the idea of him facing Samson in his next feud. At least the match was watchable, assuming you didn’t pay attention to the commentary.

Goldust is ready to debut the Shattered Truth because it’s the grand finale.

R-Truth vs. Goldust

Goldust has his own camera operator and is in his old gear. Truth gets jumped before the bell and laid out. No match.

Paul Heyman is talking about Samoa Joe when Joe comes up and grabs him by the throat. He lets Heyman go and says the Clutch is meant for Lesnar later tonight.

There’s a gauntlet match later tonight to determine the #1 contender to the Women’s Title. Bayley draws her number and seems pleased.

Here are Miz and Maryse for MizTV. Their guests tonight: the Ball family of NBA fame. If you don’t know who they are, just grit your teeth and bear through it. LaVar, the father, runs to the ring and lays down on the mat for a bit before introducing his son Lonzo, who was recently drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers.

Miz is ready to start a partnership with the Ball’s Big Baller Brand but LaVar isn’t having any of that. Miz is a bit too low for LaVar, who runs his mouth about how awesome he is even more and climbs onto the bottom rope. LaVar: “BOY YOU BETTER STAY IN YOUR LANE OR THE HUNT IS ON AND YOU THE PREY!”

A fight is nearly on and here’s Dean Ambrose to interrupt, though LaVar keeps running his mouth. Dean is in a Big Baller Brand shirt because no one has bigger balls than him, plus he likes free t-shirts. That’s it for the segment, likely before LaVar can say anything else that sounds ridiculous. This was TERRIBLE and more proof that WWE cares about getting on SportsCenter and Access Hollywood than anything to do with TV. Honestly, that might have been the worst segment since Katie Vick, if not even further back than that.

Heath Slater/Rhyno/Dean Ambrose vs. Curtis Axel/Bo Dallas/Miz

Joined in progress with Slater working on Axel before it’s off to Rhyno vs. Miz. The announcers are burying the Big Baller Brand (fair enough as it’s overrated and ugly) as Rhyno gets caught in the wrong corner. Axel charges into an elbow in the corner and gets his head clotheslined off, allowing the tag off to Ambrose.

Everything breaks down and the bad guys are all sent outside as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting the YES Kicks to Slater. A neckbreaker to Axel and a heel kick to Miz are enough for the hot tag to Rhyno as everything breaks down. Axel gets in a cheap shot on Rhyno, allowing Dallas to grab a rollup for the pin at 10:22.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see but after the previous segment, this might as well have been Flair vs. Steamboat. I mean, it’s no Okada vs. Omega II which was totally 25% better than any “perfect” match ever or anything but it was that good. Miz having lackeys is a great idea for him as he’s the kind of guy who would pay people to hang out with him and do his bidding. It also keeps him feuding with Ambrose while keeping things a bit more fresh.

Long video on Enzo and Big Cass splitting up.

Here’s Enzo for his big speech. Enzo says this is about the realest guys in the room. He’s been trying to get hold of Cass all week, even calling his mother. The one thing he hasn’t done is talk to Cass himself so get out here right now or he’s not leaving the ring. This brings out Cass (with a slightly remixed version of the regular theme) to a hearty chorus of booing. Enzo knows that hurts him because he knows Cass better than anyone.

Words can cut you deep and he’s already bled out. Cass said a lot last week and a bunch of them were right. Enzo has the biggest mouth in the world and it bites off more than he can chew but it was ok because he had Cass with him. Last week, Cass let out his aggression with a lot of passion, which Enzo has seen from him before. The last time Enzo saw it was when he woke up in a hospital bed after getting knocked out on a pay per view. Enzo isn’t letting him walk away before they become Tag Team Champions.

Cass takes the mic and says Enzo doesn’t know when to shut up. After last week, he’s never been so ashamed in his life. Yes Enzo is annoying and loud but that’s just how he is. They’re not going to change each other and they’re brothers. Cass apologizes and they shake hands with Cass hitting the catchphrase. They walk up the ramp….and there’s the big clothesline to Enzo. Cass asks the people if they want Enzo before tossing him down the ramp like a doll. That was a great speech from Enzo and Cass not caring is exactly the right call. I’d have had him kick Enzo in the face and leave without saying a word but this works too.

Post break Cass comes up to Corey Graves and tells him to stay out of his life, no matter what Graves has on Angle.

Seth Rollins vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins starts fast and grabs a suplex before throwing on a chinlock. Rollins easily fights back and grabs a Sling Blade, followed by a Blockbuster. The springboard clothesline sets up the windup knee to the face for the pin on Hawkins at 2:59.

Bray Wyatt pops up to say Seth isn’t being himself and on July 9, he’ll take Rollins back where he belongs. So the match is confirmed.

Mickie James and Dana Brooke draw their numbers. Geez people pick up the pace a bit.

Post break, Banks draws her number.

Here’s Paul Heyman to talk about Samoa Joe not fearing Brock Lesnar. Heyman could have taken a cheap shot at Joe in the back and been saved by everyone breaking it up but he’d rather have Lesnar do it himself. This brings out Lesnar but Joe grabs him from behind on the stage and puts on the Koquina Clutch. Lesnar turns purple but drives Joe into the video wall, only to get choked down again. The locker room comes out to break it up but Brock looks really shaken.

Again, this was VERY well done with one very special key: Lesnar fought back but got choked down again. That makes it look like Joe can take something from Lesnar instead of just getting the upper hand in a blindside attack. Joe does not have to win the title but just doing stuff like this to make him feel like a threat is exactly what they needed to be doing.

Neville vs. Lince Dorado

Non-title with Akira Tozawa at ringside. Neville kicks him to the corner to start and grabs an early chinlock. Dorado fights up and hits a flip dive through the ropes, only to get kicked in the head. The Rings of Saturn makes Dorado tap at 3:03.

Rating: D. Just a squash here but I’m always a fan of using jobbers like this. Dorado doesn’t lose anything important by losing to the champ and Neville looks good by being so dominant. It also sets up the post match confrontation, so we can call this a well done little segment, even if the match wasn’t great.

Post match Neville is ready for the fight and Tozawa is happy to oblige but Titus O’Neil comes out to announce the Cruiserweight Title match for Great Balls of Fire. We’ll find out if the Neville Level can contend with the Power of Tozawa.

Emma draws.

We look at the opening segment.

Heyman thinks Lesnar will lose if he gets choked out at Great Balls of Fire. As a promoter though, he loves his because it’s set up perfectly. At the pay per view, Brock is going to hit the F5 and Samoa Joe is going to need smelling salts to be woken up. Joe is going to say that’s what it’s like to fight the Beast. Heyman: “Goodness, gracious, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!”

Nia Jax has drawn the final number and runs into Alexa Bliss, who knows what it’s like to be judged, just like her. She wishes Jax luck but Nia says she doesn’t need it.

Gauntlet Match

Six women involved total with two starting. Whoever wins the fall keeps going until all six are in with the last woman surviving getting a title shot at Great Balls of fire. Bayley is in at #1 and Nia Jax is in at #2. Bayley slugs away to start but is easily knocked into the corner for some choking. A missed charge lets Bayley hit a top rope elbow drop to a standing Nia’s back but some kicks to the leg don’t get her very far. Instead Nia kicks her into the corner and grabs the Samoan drop for the pin at 3:37. Mickie James is in third and we take a break.

Back with Nia blocking a sunset flip and grabbing a bearhug. Mickie slips out and kicks Nia out of the corner, followed by the top rope Thesz press for two. The spinning kick to the head staggers Jax but she runs Mickie over for the pin at 10:03. Dana Brooke is in fourth and the legdrop ends her at 11:02. Emma is in fifth and the Samoan drop gets rid of her at 12:31. That leaves Sasha Banks in sixth and she knocks Nia to the floor, only to have her suicide dive pulled out of the air. Sasha slips out and poses Nia, followed by the running double knees from the apron to take us to another break.

Back again with Nia holding a chinlock until Sasha fights up with the running knees in the corner. A very hard clothesline gives Nia two and she drops an elbow for the same. Nia takes out the leg and sends Sasha outside for a nine count before throwing on a bearhug. Sasha reverses into a guillotine (she’s been watching those Bayley tapes) but Nia powers her up into a suplex slam.

The legdrop misses though and Sasha hits a hard running elbow to the face. A standing Banks Statement is easily broken up and there’s another Samoan drop to send Sasha out to the apron. Nia pulls her up but gets caught in a modified Bank Statement with both of them on their knees, finally drawing the tap at 28:21.

Rating: B. Now why couldn’t they have done that with Bayley at some point? Anyway, this was the way you build a star up and Banks did just that to end the match. I can live with them pushing someone like Banks as a top star and her match with Bliss should have a lot of potential. Really strong performance from Jax here, who keeps a lot of momentum from winning four times in a row before losing partially due to exhaustion.

Post match Kurt Angle comes out to congratulate Sasha. Alexa is out as well but gets kicked in the face, allowing Sasha to hold up the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was the moving day show with four matches being confirmed for the pay per view, including the second biggest match on the card and two title matches. Now that being said, a lot of the good is dragged down by perhaps the worst segment I’ve ever seen.

That ranks up there with Katie Vick and Mae Young giving birth to a hand: they’re embarrassing and make you want to change the channel if someone happens to walk into the room. Take that out and this is a much better show, but don’t be surprised tomorrow if you hear about Ball “selling his brand on some stupid wrestling show”. But any publicity is good publicity, right Vince?

Results

Finn Balor/Hardy Boyz b. Cesaro/Sheamus/Elias Samson – Coup de Grace to Cesaro

Curtis Axel/Bo Dallas/Miz b. Heath Slater/Rhyno/Dean Ambrose – Rollup to Rhyno

Seth Rollins b. Curt Hawkins – Windup knee to the face

Neville b. Lince Dorado – Rings of Saturn

Sasha Banks won a gauntlet match last eliminating Nia Jax

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: January 23, 2003
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the Royal Rumble and it’s all hands on deck towards Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle for the World Title. Lesnar won the Royal Rumble and Angle successfully defended his title in a masterpiece against Chris Benoit, leaving the two of them as the undisputed top names on the show. Let’s get to it.

Stephanie McMahon announces Undertaker returning tonight, plus the return of another big surprise. The low cut of her top as she leans over a table while saying this would suggest that she’s a face this week.

Opening sequence.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

Benoit shoves him into the corner to start but Charlie easily takes him down to get into the technical sequence. Haas’ leglock is countered into an armbar but Charlie reverses that just as easily. You can tell they’re both more comfortable with this style and that makes for a more entertaining match. Charlie hangs onto a hammerlock as the announcers talk about Brock Lesnar being here tonight. It’s always a bit jarring to have that be a normal night instead of a major announcement.

Benoit’s arm goes into the steps and it’s time for more armbars. Chris tries a few rollups but Charlie just goes for the arm again without missing a beat. Benoit fights up with a one arm backdrop and a release German suplex as the arm gives out. The long distance Swan Dive connects but the Crossface doesn’t work. Charlie loads up some suplexes of his own but Benoit reverses into a rollup for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. This was all about the psychology with Benoit not being able to use his normal stuff but suckering the rookie in for the pin at the end. Benoit is still looking like one of the best on the show at this point and I guess I can sit and watch him wrestle this well against Team Angle for a little while longer if I just have to.

Rikishi vs. Bill DeMott

Rematch from last week but DeMott injured his arm in the Rumble. They slug it out to start with DeMott hitting some shoulders to the gut in the corner. The referee tells DeMott to let Rikishi out of the corner. DeMott: “I HAVE TILL FIVE!” Rikishi starts in on the arm and a very hard clothesline drops Bill in a heap. A spinebuster does the same to Rikishi but DeMott hits his arm in the corner. Rikishi’s superkick sets up a Rump Shaker onto the arm (smart) for the pin.

Rating: D+. That should do it for DeMott. I can go for the arm work and sitting on the arm for the pin was a smart way of ending the show. The problem though is having DeMott vs. Rikishi as a feud as neither of them are all that interesting. Also I’m so glad they built DeMott up by having him wreck the cruiserweights, only to lose to Rikishi of all people.

Nathan Jones is still coming.

Big Show chokes Josh Matthews instead of talking about Undertaker.

Matt Hardy gives Shannon Moore a pep talk and sends him into the women’s restroom. Thankfully Matt goes off to see Nunzio instead of following up on the comedy. Nunzio talks about his nephew being like Moore. Sometimes you need to teach people a lesson using the family way. Matt asks Nunzio to give Shannon a Mattitude adjustment.

Tony Chimmel reminds us that Stephanie still has a big announcement as well as Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysteiro later tonight. This is the kind of announcement you would have off camera to announce a dark match instead of showing it on camera. They already showed a Stephanie announcement graphic earlier so why do it this way here? Just for diversity?

Here’s Undertaker, now with the You’re Gonna Pay theme, (I’ve always liked it) for a chat. Since irony doesn’t exist in WWE’s minds, Undertaker talks about how there’s too much talking around here lately. We see a clip of Big Show destroying Big Show a few months back so it’s time for the call out. Here’s Big Show in a suit to say that’s not happening tonight, but he has something for Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

The announcers try to figure out the name of A-Train’s chokebomb but drop it when A-Train shoulders Undertaker down. We’re off to the bearhug a minute in but Undertaker slips out and hits his running clothesline. They’re not exactly going out of the safe areas here but I can’t imagine this lasts much longer.

The elbows and legdrop on the apron have A-Train in trouble but the chokeslam is only good for two. A Last Ride attempt is broken up with a backdrop and the Derailer (chokebomb, which they now know the name of) gets two. Undertaker slips off his shoulder though and a dragon sleeper (Taking Care of Business) makes A-Train tap.

Rating: D+. Again, could have been worse as the recently built up heel monsters are falling fast tonight. Undertaker beating A-Train to help build towards a Big Show match isn’t the most thrilling idea but at least….wait what is the positive here? Uh….well the match wasn’t all that bad I guess. Yeah that’s all I’ve got.

Sean O’Haire doesn’t like the government taxing people.

Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin

Edge elbows and leg lariats him down to start and it’s time for the chops in the corner. Shelton just isn’t that much of a striker though so he launches Edge with the first German suplex of the match. Some nice amateur moves take Edge down but he slips out of a slam and grabs the Edge-o-Matic. Shelton is right back on it with a cross arm chinlock for a little while. Edge’s comeback doesn’t take long but the threat of a spear brings Charlie to the apron. The distraction lets Shelton hit the Dragon Whip (that swinging kick to the face) but Edge shrugs it off and gets the spear for the pin.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard match here but Shelton and Charlie still look way beyond their years, at least on the main roster. As soon as they’re allowed to be a regular team, they’re going to be at worst the second best active team on the roster, depending on how well the Guerreros are feeling that night.

Kurt berates his team for the losses. They need to work on their Three I’s. Kurt: “Cripes All Friday!” He tells them both to stay here during his match so they can learn a little something.

Nunzio vs. Shannon Moore

No entrance for either guy and Nunzio takes him to the mat in a hurry. Nunzio sends him shoulder first into the post (way too popular of a target tonight) as Matt seems very pleased with his protege’s destruction. A middle rope Fameasser gives Nunzio two and we hit a figure four necklock for a few moments. Shannon comes back with a running flip neckbreaker for two as a weak ECW chant starts up. A Whisper in the Wind gets one as Shannon but he pulls up to shout to Matt. Shannon’s Twist of Fate is countered into the tornado hammerlock DDT for the pin.

Rating: D. No time to go anywhere but this was much more about the angle than anything else. Shannon and Matt are a funny enough pair with Matt speaking such nonsense and Shannon going along with it like it’s all perfectly logical. Nunzio is a weird character as he’s treated like a tough guy but his second match was a squash loss to DeMott and he’s really small in stature. He’s trying but there are some big issues working against him.

Matt chases Shannon off.

Brock Lesnar talks about having goals in WWE and accomplishing them all. Now he wants to win the World Title at Wrestlemania and F5 Paul Heyman.

Shannon hides in a box, which Matt happens to sit on.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title and it’s just Heyman with Kurt here. Rey starts fast with the dropkicks but his hurricanrana is countered into one heck of a sitout powerbomb. A nearly spike German suplex gets two and Heyman is busy telling the title how much he loves it. Angle’s front facelock is broken up with a northern lights suplex and an ankle scissors out of the corner sends Angle outside.

The referee won’t let Rey dive so he dives over the referee like a good luchador should. Mysterio drops the dime for two and Angle goes shoulder first into the post to make things even worse. Angle LAUNCHES him with a belly to belly but charges into the drop toehold. He still blocks the 619, only to get caught in the sitout bulldog for two. Rey loads up the West Coast Pop but Angle catches him on his shoulders. A hard drop onto the turnbuckle sets up an electric chair drop for the pin.

Rating: B+. Is Angle capable of doing anything wrong at this point? He’s been on fire lately with an incredible match on Sunday and this great one two days later. Mysterio was certainly game here too and he got to showcase his ample talents as well. Really good match here and one of the better TV matches in a long time for this company.

Angle goes for the ankle lock post match so Edge and Benoit make the save. Running isn’t cool with the Canadians though and Angle takes a beating.

Stephanie won’t tell Funaki what the surprise is but she looks at a Hulk Hogan poster to make sure there’s no doubt.

Back from a break and it is indeed Hogan. Hulk gets a huge reaction and the fans take their sweet time cheering him. As you might expect, Hogan knows exactly how to soak the whole thing in and egg them on even harder. The ovation goes on so long that we take a break and come back with it still going on.

Hogan seems a bit overwhelmed (though you never can tell with him) and admits that the Hulkamaniacs are his life. He’s here to make one announcement: he’s signed a brand new contract but this time it’s going to be the right way with the red and yellow and the fans in his corner. This is going to be the last journey but let this be the greatest of them all.

Cue Vince McMahon though and I think you know where this is going. Vince says Hulkamania is just like Al Wilson: completely dead. Hogan disagrees and wants to fight Vince first. The boss isn’t cool with that (as he shouldn’t be) so Hulk lays him out with a single right hand, FINALLY ending this segment at well over twenty minutes.

Overall Rating: B-. A lot of the talking hurt things here but there’s only so much that can be done to stop a wrestling show like this. Tonight was all about the awesome action with the Smackdown talent being WAY ahead of the Raw counterparts, mainly due to pure in-ring talent alone. This show doesn’t bother with a lot of the stupid stories and goes with people fighting over titles or because they don’t like each other. Sometimes that’s all you need and when you have this level of talent, it’s going to work every time. Stretch some of the matches and cut out some of the talking here and it’s a great show, but as it is, it’s just good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Main Event
Date: June 22, 2017
Location: Ford Center, Evansville, Indiana
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Corey Graves

I’m not sure what the point is in having the cruiserweights on this show. Given that they’re already appearing regularly on Monday Night Raw and their own show, that makes three different shows they’re on every single week. That’s more than anyone else gets and I’m really not sure how much it helps anything. Maybe they’ll switch things up a bit this week. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Kalisto vs. Rhyno

That’s already a bigger match than most of these shows have. Rhyno throws him around to start but gets kicked in the face and out to the floor. Back in and Rhyno starts taking over in the corner, basically making him the heel in the match despite getting that hard to shake legends pop. A whip into the corner sets up ye olde chinlock but Rhyno goes up top for no adequately explored reasons, allowing Kalisto to snap off a hurricanrana for two. Rhyno breaks up the Salida Del Sol and grabs a superplex for two of his own. Kalisto doesn’t seem to mind and hits the Salida Del Sol for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D+. No time to go anywhere but a power vs. speed match will always have something of value in them. I’m still a bit thrown by Rhyno as a heel though as he’s basically a legend at this point with the old school fans remembering his days of slightly above average quite fondly.

To Raw for the first time.

Here’s Seth Rollins to talk about being on the cover of the game. He brings up his heel turn from a few years back and everything it brought him. The problem was he couldn’t look in the mirror. Now he’s on the cover of the game and it’s his second chance. This cover belongs to both himself and the fans because it’s THEIR cover.

Cue Bray Wyatt to talk about how he feels the struggle in Seth’s soul. Seth is still conforming to whatever the people want and he’s just not that man. Rollins says he’s THE man and lists off some accomplishments. Bray says he’s here and blows out the lantern before coming out to the ring. Thankfully Seth is smart enough to dive on Bray as he walks very slowly to the ring.

And again, this time from the ending.

Here’s Angle to announce the attacker. He brings out Enzo, Cass, Revival and Big Show to really set the stage. Angle starts with Big Show, who says he’d fight someone face to face. If Angle thinks he did it, maybe he doesn’t need to be on Raw anymore. Show leaves and Cass is very happy until Kurt cuts him off to talk about Revival. Angle says it wasn’t them because enough referees and agents saw the two of them elsewhere.

Corey Graves says he has some information though. A few moments ago Cass said he had a golf ball sized lump on the back of his head, but the medical team said they never treated him. Cass starts backtracking but Graves has security footage. We see Cass staging the scene of the crime and laying on the ground like he’s unconscious. Cass admits he did it and yells about how tired he is of Enzo running his mouth about whatever he’s always talking about. No one behind the curtain likes Enzo and Cass felt bad for him.

Cass finally snapped and it felt good to lay Enzo out from behind. He unloads on Enzo for all the years of having to put up with him and wanted to see how smart Enzo really was. It turns out that Enzo is even dumber than he looks and nothing but dead weight holding Cass down. All Enzo does is have his mouth write checks that he can’t cash but now Cass isn’t behind him anymore. Enzo gets kicked in the head to end the show.

Gran Metlalik vs. Tony Nese

Nese drives him up against the ropes to start and that’s just not something you do to Metalik. You know, the guy called the KING of the ropes. I guess Nese isn’t as smart as he looks, which is fairly insulting when you think about it. Nese misses a moonsault and gets sent to the apron, followed by the floor. A nice flip dive takes Nese down again and we take a break. Back with Metalik walking the ropes for a dropkick and that top rope elbow for two. Metalik can’t hit his namesake driver as Nese slips down the back and gets in a superkick. The suplex into the corner and running knee put Metalik away at 6:52.

Rating: C-. Considering over half of that match was during the break, I really don’t know why they timed the match like this. Just show more of the stuff from Raw and cut this one down a bit. Nese winning makes sense, even though he has nothing going for him at the moment. Metalik’s normal stuff was as entertaining as usual.

We get the long video on Samoa Joe vs. Lesnar.

One last Raw moment as we join the very end of Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe where Braun Strowman returned and laid Reigns out. The challenge for the ambulance match at Great Balls of Fire wraps us up.

Overall Rating: D+. Almost completely standard Main Event here and that’s not the best thing in the world. The main difference was of course a fresh match between Kalisto and Rhyno, which I can certainly go for after all the times we’ve seen the same people on this show. That being said, with Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas now on Raw, maybe we need to find some new Main Event Musketeers.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 20, 2003
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past the Royal Rumble and, somehow, the big story still seems to be HHH vs. Scott Steiner for reasons of general torture. After Steiner showed why he shouldn’t be allowed to wrestle a watermelon farmer in front of a pair of chickens named Dolores and Walter, it’s pretty clear that he’s getting a rematch next month at No Way Out. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. Vince always gets this one in and maybe we can have a D’Lo Brown match to celebrate.

The opening recap looks at Vince McMahon telling Eric Bischoff that he has thirty days to turn the show around or he’ll be replaced by Shane McMahon.

Opening sequence.

Here are HHH and Ric Flair to open things up. The announcers immediately start talking about how awesome last night’s match was, likely with Vince screaming in their ears the whole time. JR even mentions the most terrifying word in the world: REMATCH. I mean, I thought/hoped I was imagining it when he said HHH had “no way out” last night but I probably need to see my therapist more. Granted when the match put me in therapy in the first place (Which CAN NOT be blamed on Steiner of course. That would just be lunacy.), it kind of defeats the purpose.

HHH talks about how physical the match was last night but at the end, Steiner had to use a sledgehammer to save himself. As they say in the movies, “there ain’t gonna be no rematch.” Apollo didn’t say “there” you nitwit. Get your Rocky quotes straight. Cue Steiner to say he wants his rematch tonight, despite taped ribs. Are those from carrying HHH last night? I mean, that WHOLE THING was HHH’s fault and nothing can be blamed on anyone else so we’ll go with that theory.

HHH has a note from his doctor (An apology for the match perhaps?) and can’t wrestle tonight so Flair says Batista can do it instead. As I desperately scramble to find that therapist’s number, Batista comes out for a distraction so HHH can jump Steiner to little avail. Scott cleans house, despite a minor misstep where they looked to be on the wrong page (HHH’S FAULT!!! HHH’S FAULT!!!).

Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Imagine the pre-match prep talk. I feel string would be discussed in thorough detail. Jeff starts with a jawbreaker and a running dropkick puts Rob on the floor. The barricade run doesn’t work as Rob kicks the leg out, followed by more kicks back inside. The announcers start talking about Chris Jericho in the Rumble for no apparent reason as Jeff gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Van Dam grabs a Regal Roll and hits a middle rope moonsault, only to miss the Five Star. A Codebreaker of all things sets up the Swanton for two, followed by Rob grabbing a backslide for the pin.

Rating: C. The match had the noticeable slips that you would expect from these two but it worked well enough with Jeff not being able to win even with his best move. If nothing else it was cool to see what would become a famous move later on used as something basic here. It’s not like Jericho invented it but it’s still weird to see so long ago.

Post match Jeff snaps and grabs a chair but throws it down before the swing.

Christian and Christopher Nowinski offer Bischoff good luck with his remaining twenty one days to turn Raw around. I know WWE doesn’t think much of its fans, but I think they know that thirty minus seven isn’t twenty one. This always made me shake my head back in the day and I still don’t get it now. If they just had to set it up to end on Raw, just set it up as four weeks from tonight instead of thirty days, which made the whole thing confusing. Anyway, there’s going to be a bombshell announcement later tonight.

Steiner runs into Randy Orton, who talks about Steiner wanting to be World Champion. Steiner, ever the crazy man, attacks Orton, which threatens his 95% healed shoulder. Dude DON’T MESS WITH HIS MATH SKILLS! Some threats leave Orton shaken.

Chief Morely has Nick Patrick watch the ending to the Tag Team Title match. Patrick admits his mistake but Morely wants a public apology. As opposed to one on national television.

Here are Morely and Patrick for said apology. Patrick gladly does so, but Morely wants the decision reversed. In one of the most laugh inducing lines ever in WWE, Patrick says it’s company policy that all referee decisions are final. That’s bad even by WWE standards. Morely calls out the Dudley Boyz, who point out that Morely brought the knuckles into the ring in the first place. Morely demands the titles be handed over but Bubba won’t give them to a washed up ex-adult star. It’s almost table time but William Regal and Lance Storm run in for the save. Bubba gets flapjacked through the table and Morely says let’s have a title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

Storm and Regal are challenging and win the titles in less than fifteen seconds.

To clarify, Booker T. and Goldust can’t keep the titles for a month but we can do two title changes in twenty four hours. There’s no real reason to have Booker and Goldust lose the belts in the first place when you could have had them defend against Storm and Regal at the Rumble and then do this same angle tonight. Why do that though when you can get two more reigns out of it though, thereby making the titles seem even weaker than they already are?

Trish Stratus/Hurricane vs. Steven Richards/Victoria

The genders have to match. Hurricane armdrags Richards down to start but Victoria tags herself in and slaps Hurricane in the mask. The threat of a chokeslam brings Richards back in as the rules are thrown out less than a minute and a half in. Trish comes in and they botch what I think was going to be an electric chair but turned into Trish sitting on the back of Victoria’s head. Victoria misses the slingshot legdrop and it’s off to Hurricane but the referee didn’t see the tag. Trish almost takes the StevieDT but Hurricane makes a save. Stratusfaction ends Victoria, likely setting up another title match. This was a mess.

Bischoff talks to Vince’s secretary and again promises a big surprise so Vince should turn the show on. WWE just admitted that the boss, the owner of the company, and the most important man in the wrestling world ISN’T WATCHING HIS FLAGSHIP SHOW. That sums up so many problems in one line. Bischoff throws a dart at a picture of Shane McMahon on a dartboard to really emphasize the idea.

Same Sean O’Haire video from last night.

Here’s Bischoff for his big announcement. We see a clip of Steve Austin being named Raw Superstar of the Decade but not being invited to the ceremony. Bischoff says Austin wasn’t there because he walked out on Vince McMahon. We’ve heard Vince and JR’s sides of the story so maybe we should hear from Austin. Eric is going to give him the chance to tell his side…..IN RAW MAGAZINE!

That’s not the big announcement though (thank goodness). Instead, Bischoff is inviting Austin to return at No Way Out. How does that change Raw though? As in Bischoff’s whole assignment. Eh I’m sure it makes sense in WWE’s mind, which is all that matters. It’s not like the fans can make sense of all these brilliant ideas (Want to know what happened? GO BUY THE MAGAZINE!) so take what you can get. Oh and the pay per view is further than 21 days away. In theory he could be safe if he signs Austin back before then, but just say “you have until No Way Out” and this isn’t an issue.

3 Minute Warning vs. Goldust/Booker T.

JR calls them 3 Count and, while discussing Test vs. Chris Jericho (which is being treated as a major match for some reason), says Jericho eliminated Shawn Michers last night. Goldust and Jamal get things going but it’s off to Booker before anything goes anywhere. A very hard clothesline turns Booker inside out and all hope is lost.

Back up and Booker superkicks his way back into hope as the match is being ignored for the sake of talking about Austin (fair enough at this point and it’s not like Booker and Goldust seem to be going anywhere anytime soon). Jamal breaks up Shattered Dreams and runs Goldust over to hit the neck crank.

Back up and Jamal misses a charge into the corner so Booker can come in to clean house. A double DDT drops the Samoans and it’s time for the Spinarooni (With a crowd reaction shot. As in one. On the whole show. Not seventeen per match.) but Jamal superkicks Booker down. Jamal misses a top rope splash (his toes might have grazed Booker if he had “connected”) and the ax kick puts him away.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot worse but they’re not even trying to hide the fact that Booker T. and Goldust are done with the title picture. I have no idea why the company felt the need to immediately move to the Dudleys, who have done this time after time before. It’s not like the upcoming HHH vs. Booker feud needed to be started this early so why not get a little more mileage out of the team?

Video on Chris Jericho’s Royal Rumble performance until Shawn Michaels ran back in, allowing Test to eliminate him.

Chris Jericho vs. Test

Jericho, with a heck of a knot on his head from a Tommy Dreamer cane shot, complains about having his dream stolen. Test sends him over the top for some cat skinning, only to follow up with a gorilla press drop. Jericho grabs a belly to back suplex and we hit the chinlock. Stacy plays cheerleader (playing to her natural skills) and gets Test to his feet for a side slam. The big boot misses so Test backdrops him to the floor. Test gets posted and Jericho grabs a chair, which he uses to hit the post, which Stacy was standing behind. Naturally this is equal to shooting Stacy dead and the match is thrown out.

Rating: D. Most of that is due to the horrible ending, which we’ll get to in a minute. The rest of the match was Test doing his really standard power offense and still having no reason to care about him because his big thing is a great looking manager who does lame jokes. This really isn’t interesting and that’s not the biggest surprise in the world.

Stacy gets taken out on a stretcher while Test shows off his acting skills. She didn’t get hit in the head and Jericho didn’t hit her. Unfortunately this is going to lead to the Owen Hart voices because this story needs to be all serious instead of something rather bad looking. I get what they’re going for, but it’s kind of hard to get interested in a story where someone hit a post and damaged the woman who does the Testicles jokes.

Al Snow plugs the Tough Enough finale.

Stacy is still being taken out. They show the worst replay imaginable, which shows the chair hitting the post, which Stacy’s HANDS are touching with her head at least six inches away.

Flair gives Batista a pep talk.

Tommy Dreamer vs. D’Lo Brown

Singapore Cane match. Before the match, Brown brings out Teddy Long to say that D’Lo isn’t going to be one of Dr. King’s followers because a lack of aggression never got him anywhere. Last night, Brown was held out of the Royal Rumble and tonight THE MAN has him in this violent match. Starting tonight, the WWE has to be down with the Brown. D’Lo: “Free at last, free at last, free to cane a white boy’s a**!”

Dreamer immediately starts caning away but hits the post by mistake. Brown was a few feet away but there’s no stretcher brought out. I smell racism. D’Lo canes him a few times, then Dreamer canes him a few times. Tommy hits D’Lo’s head shaking legdrop and a DDT, only to dive into a cane to the ribs. The Sky High (the Low Down according to the way off JR) gives D’Lo the pin.

Rating: F. This was as good as a suddenly racist D’Lo Brown and Tommy Dreamer caning each other for three and a half minutes was going to be. Long is a big improvement for the angle but there’s only so much he can do with something this stupid. There was no reason for this to be a cane match but at least Brown won.

Batista vs. Scott Steiner

It’s a power match to start (I’m as shocked as you are) with Steiner winning a battle of shoulders. Scott hammers away in the corner and actually uses a belly to belly. I’d have bet on that one being banned. It’s so offensive that Randy Orton runs in for the DQ.

Steiner beats up Flair but Batista breaks up the Recliner. HHH comes in as well and beats Scott down (JR: “WHAT ABOUT THE NOTE FROM THE DOCTOR???”) with the help of his new buddies. Steiner is busted open and Pedigreed, drawing a face pop. The new team (no name yet) poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. This was horrible and it’s getting clearer and clearer every single week that something really needs to change around here. Above all else, bring back the Intercontinental Title. These matches are just coming and going because there’s nothing for most of them to fight over. They’re just filling in time with nothing feuds and stories (D’Lo Brown, Test, Hurricane vs. Richards, Booker T./Goldust and so on) because HHH can only fight one guy at a time.

Other than that though, you barely have any good wrestling and now we’re setting up for No Way Out which will feature a rematch of one of the worst matches ever and Steve Austin, who was a shell of himself eight or so months ago and could be even worse now. On top of that, you know it’s a bad time when your top face can’t be trusted to go two minutes in the main event of Raw. This show is in a massive need of a shot of blood or anything for that matter, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6