Smackdown Date: June 13, 2017
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
It’s the go home show for Money in the Bank and instead of having a bunch of matches to set up the ladder match, let’s just have one match to set it up! This week it’s a six man tag as the participants try to build momentum, all while having JBL say that none of this actually matters as we head towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
New Day/Breezango vs. Colons/Usos
For those of you counting, this would be fourteen wrestlers in two matches. New Day is played to the ring by a live band for the sake of some New Orleans spirit. Before the match, Woods brags about potentially being cast in a very off Broadway version of Straight Out of Compton. This brings out the Usos to say they’re retaining the titles, only to have Breezango interrupt. They have a different view of the Usos: their day one wasn’t H but rather G, for GROSS. The Colons come out as well to say they have a break in the case. Big E.: “Now hold on sucker!” Threats of violence take us to the first break.
Fandango and Jey start things off but it’s off to Kofi vs. Epico with no offense. The good guys work on Epico’s arm with armdrags and elbows to the arm. A legdrop gives Fandango two but Breeze gets taken into the corner for the beatdown. That lasts all of five seconds before it’s off to Woods, who drops Breeze onto Primo for two. The Honor Roll drops Primo and everything breaks down with the good guys cleaning house to send us to a rather unnecessary break.
Back with Breeze in trouble and Jimmy hitting a running Umaga Attack in the corner. Breeze gets in a kick to the face but Epico dives over for the save. Fandango gets knocked off the apron and Breeze stays in trouble. Some superkicks finally get him out of trouble, followed by a clothesline that makes Epico DDT Primo by mistake (still perhaps the dumbest spot in all of wrestling). The hot tag brings in Woods and then Kofi to clean house as everything breaks down again. Something like a Demolition Decapitator with a stomp instead of an elbow puts Primo away at 14:27.
Rating: D+. This was much more long than good as they were clearly filling in time because they don’t have enough to fill in two hours, mainly thanks to having fourteen people in two matches. That being said, at least this actually had something to do with building momentum as a pinfall here does keep you rolling towards Sunday. I’m assuming Breezango vs. Colons could be added to the Kickoff Show at some point.
Sami Zayn is way too enthusiastic about the upcoming six man tag and talks strategy with AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura. AJ seems a bit disturbed by Sami’s energy. Nakamura: “I like him.” Styles: “You would.”
Mojo Rawley is disappointed in his loss last week and praises Jinder Mahal. Zack Ryder makes his return to encourage his buddy.
Naomi vs. Tamina
Non-title and Lana comes out to watch. Tamina takes her into the corner to start and we’re already into the neck crank. Naomi gets her head crushed in the corner and her kicks are cut off by a shove down. One heck of a clothesline gives Tamina two and it’s back to the chinlock. Naomi fights up with some kicks but walks into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Tamina heads up top but gets slammed down, setting up the split legged moonsault for the pin at 5:08.
Rating: D. The more I watch her, the more I think Tamina has no real reason to be around. She’s not imposing, she doesn’t have anything all that special in the ring and she doesn’t really have a character. She’s a warm body who can fill in a spot and I’d much rather have them develop someone interesting than leave her in there for such uninteresting matches.
Lana jumps Naomi after the match and gives her a sitout spinebuster.
Here’s Jinder Mahal for the big showdown with Randy Orton. After the long entrance, Mahal calls Orton a coward and says this is his era. Orton’s music hits and he comes through the crowd for an RKO. This feud continues to feel like nothing because Mahal feels like nothing, though his delivery has gotten better. He feels like he’s doing all the right things but that doesn’t make up for him having no background.
Owens, Corbin and Ziggler don’t trust each other but they’ll work together.
Randy Orton promises to win the title back.
Charlotte vs. Natalya
Feeling out process to start as we see Becky Lynch watching in the back. We come back from a very early break with Charlotte being thrown shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to do much though as she comes back with something like an exploder suplex, followed by a moonsault which actually connects. Charlotte heads up again but gets powerbombed down for two. A small package gives Natalya the same but it’s Natural Selection to give Charlotte the pin at 7:16.
Rating: C-. The moonsault and powerbomb looked good but if I have to hear them talking about building momentum one more time, I think my head is going to explode. It’s another good example of the one idea that they have going into a show and if you don’t like it, get over it because that’s what WWE has decided is the best thing they can do.
It’s Fashion Files time. Fandango is admiring his pecs and can’t wait to show them off to Breeze. We cut to an unconscious Breeze as the office seems to have been wrecked again. Breeze was attacked by two greasy haired men with one arm. Breeze: “No, two arms!” Fandango draws some stick figures and Tyler says that’s them.
Video on a WWE fan who has survived liver disease.
Lana doesn’t care what people think about her because she can beat Naomi.
Kevin Owens/Dolph Ziggler/Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Sami Zayn/AJ Styles
Non-title of course but MOMENTUM is on the line. Joined in progress with Ziggler being thrown to the ground, only to blast Nakamura with a dropkick. It’s off to Owens with forearms to the back and the heels take turns hammering away. We hit the chinlock for a bit until the hot tag brings in Sami as everything beaks down. Sami hits the flip dive onto Owens but Ziggler DDTs Styles to slow things down again.
We take a break and come back with Sami fighting up and getting clotheslined right back down. Owens’ backsplash hits knees but Corbin headbutts Sami in the chest to keep him in the wrong corner. Sami kicks Corbin in the face and dodges the other two before low bridging Corbin to the floor. Ziggler and Owens pull the partners to the floor though and there’s still no hot tag. A Helluva Kick out of nowhere puts Corbin away at 12:48.
Rating: C. Just a long six man here with the six people doing things to set up Sunday’s ladder match. Sami getting a pin on Corbin makes me more sure that Corbin is going to be the one winning the ladder match because if there’s one thing WWE loves to do, it’s put people down before giving them the big win, thinking it makes up for all the losses. The match was perfectly fine and above all else, Owens didn’t take yet another pin for a change.
Post match Owens brings in the ladder and the brawl breaks out. Corbin gets the better of it until Nakamura gets in a shot. Shinsuke takes everyone else down and climbs up to pull down the briefcase to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This was the show that I was dreading and it’s not all that surprising. They went with the “throw everyone together and call it developing the big match” formula here, which isn’t interesting and does nothing for the pay per view. At least it’s done now though, save for the following week when we do the exact same matches and call it fallout. I’m still interested in Sunday’s show, but only because of the ladders instead of the feuds and stories. That’s not good, and shows how ineffective the build to this show has been.
Results
New Day/Breezango b. Usos/Colons – Middle rope double stomp to Primo
Naomi b. Tamina – Split legged moonsault
Charlotte b. Natalya – Natural Selection
Sami Zayn/AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Baron Corbin/Dolph Ziggler/Kevin Owens – Helluva Kick to Corbin
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – June 12, 2017: No Roman, No….Well It Still Had Problems But Different Ones.
Monday Night Raw Date: June 12, 2017
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves
It’s a big night as Brock Lesnar is back on the show for the first time since winning the Universal Title nearly two and a half months ago. That means we’re getting ready for his first title defense against Samoa Joe in about a month, which has been enhanced by Samoa Joe choking out Lesnar’s advocate Paul Heyman. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Samoa Joe attacking Heyman last week to send Lesnar a message. That’s still the perfect way to set the match up.
Here are Lesnar and Heyman to get things going with Paul saying it’s time for some revenge. Now last week, Samoa Joe attacked Heyman and Paul gets why that’s the case. Sometimes he certainly deserves it but that wasn’t true last week. Last week, Heyman saw someone that could go man to beast with Brock.
There have been a lot of Samoans in wrestling but Joe is the outcast one. For some reason he’s not treated the same and his biggest claim to fame is choking Heyman out. Heyman agrees that the Koquina Clutch was everything that Joe promised it would be. That made Heyman wonder what would happen to the title if Brock was ever caught in that hold. Then Heyman realized that’s not a problem because Joe isn’t man enough to get the hold on Brock Lesnar.
Cue Joe to headbutt Lesnar right in the face as the brawl is on. Security is sent out and dispatched just as fast so here’s the locker room (or at least the midcard) to try again. That goes just as badly with Joe breaking away to superkick Joe right in the jaw. The fight is finally broken up and things settle down. This was an outstanding start but there’s one thing: none of this matters if Brock is lazy and just does suplexes into an F5 at the pay per view. Make it a competitive match where they beat the heck out of each other and things will be fine. Just don’t make it a squash, please.
Back with a replay because of course.
Here’s Elias Samson to sing a song running down both Louisiana and Dean Ambrose.
Elias Samson vs. Dean Ambrose
They brawl into the corner to start with Booker praising Samson every chance he can. An elbow to the face and chop send Samson to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ambrose caught in a chinlock before fighting up with more elbows to the face. A fisherman’s suplex is good for two on Samson and the suicide dive makes things even worse.
Back in and Dean breaks up a superplex attempt, only to have Miz come out for a distraction. Samson’s rollup gets two but Dean goes after Miz and Maryse. The distraction is good for a nine count with Samson kneeing Dean in the back as he comes back in. Samson’s swinging neckbreaker is good for the pin on Ambrose at 11:49.
Rating: C. Samson is being treated as a big deal (certainly a bigger deal than he was in NXT) and that’s a good thing. Ambrose isn’t going to be hurt by screwy finishes like this one so just let him talk his way right back to his normal spot. Miz vs. Ambrose has been done to death but there’s a good chance they’ll blow the whole thing off at the pay per view.
Goldust says he and R-Truth were never friends or brothers. No one ever understood him and he’s going to make them all very uncomfortable.
Kurt Angle yells at Miz, who brings up Kurt’s personal problems. Miz wants Angle to do something about Dean but Angle says do it yourself.
Video on Cedric Alexander.
Noam Dar is in the back when Cedric comes up to say he’s done with Dar and Alicia Fox. It turns out that Alicia is talking to Alicia on Skype and she wants Cedric to say things to his face. Alexander says this ends tonight. Didn’t he just say he was already done with it?
Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar
Dar brings his phone to the ring where Fox is still yelling at him. For some reason this goes over the arena’s audio system with Alicia saying he’s making her neck hurt. As for the match, the bell rings and the Lumbar Check ends Dar at 6 seconds.
Next week, Roman Reigns will announce his plans for Summerslam. Isn’t it a bit early for that? Eh not for Reigns of course.
Bray Wyatt wants to break things.
Here’s Wyatt to talk about how people shouldn’t deny him like Seth Rollins has done. Seth lives in a glass house and a single shout brought it all crashing down. This brings out Rollins, who says he was speaking the truth when he called Wyatt a false prophet. If Bray is that disturbed by what Seth said, do something about it. Bray says Seth is beneath him and that Rollins doesn’t want this fight. The lights go out again and Bray is gone. They go out again and Bray is on the screen, saying Seth can slay a king but not a god.
The Hardys are ready to get their titles back.
Kalisto vs. Apollo Crews
Because WWE doesn’t know how to end a feud. Titus O’Neil is at ringside and has Akira Tozawa in the front row to help recruit him to the Titus Brand. You know, because he couldn’t get tickets on his own. Kalisto does his handstand walk but Crews dropkicks him down. We hit a front facelock as Tozawa is plugging his ears to avoid listening to Titus. Kalisto’s hurricanrana driver gets two, followed by Crews’ Toss Powerbomb for the pin at 2:16.
Tozawa is thrown into the ring and forced to take a picture. He doesn’t look pleased.
Miz comes up to Heath Slater and Rhyno (who are eating cheese and crackers) to offer the former a spot in his entourage. Slater seems intrigued in exchange for an Intercontinental Title shot. Rhyno doesn’t like this and tells Miz to get a partner for a tag match later.
Here’s Alexa Bliss for a chat….but she’s quickly cut off by a ticked off Nia Jax. Alexa’s tone changes in a hurry and she talks about wanting to give Nia a great match that people would talk about for years. It was Mickie James and Dana Brooke that messed things up though. This brings out Mickie and Dana to call Bliss out for saying they all have a Nia Jax problem.
Bliss doesn’t want to hear it because she’s above the two of them but here’s Emma to say it’s her time. Alexa says this is what she’s talking about and tries to get Nia on her side, only to have Sasha Banks come out as well. She wants to show Bliss how a Boss throws a party and decks Alexa in the face. The brawl is on and we take a break.
Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax/Emma vs. Dana Brooke/Mickie James/Sasha Banks
Well duh. Joined in progress with Bliss holding Dana in a chinlock until it’s off to Emma. Dana stops a charge with a raised boot but Emma kicks her in the ribs to cut off a tag attempt. That lasts all of three seconds as it’s off to Sasha for the house cleaning. Emma tries to tag off to Alexa but the champ drops to the floor and walks out. Mickie dives onto Nia and Sasha grabs the Bank Statement to make Emma tap at 3:29.
Rating: D+. At least they kept it short. These matches don’t really do much for me as they’re just throwing everything together for the sake of having everyone in the match. The teams only make a bit of sense but at least they said Angle set them up. It’s not horrible but this is your standard WWE booking formula, which isn’t the best thing in the world.
The announcers talk about Money in the Bank.
Video on Finn Balor.
Bayley sat down with Corey Graves earlier today to talk about her loss at Extreme Rules. Bayley says she’s always going to be herself and do what’s best for herself no matter what. As for her future, she wants to get her title back and walk into Wrestlemania defending it again next year. The fans need to know that they can do it their way, which is what she wants everyone to know. To wrap it up, Bayley hugs Graves, who looks a bit disturbed. Graves: “I need a cigarette.”
Miz/??? vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno
Miz doesn’t have a partner…..so here’s a bear on a tricycle. The bear scratches itself on the post and distracts Slater so he can grab a rollup for two. An armbar doesn’t get him very far so it’s off to the bear for a staredown. Heath doesn’t think much of it so the bear paws him (one of Cole’s many jokes) a few times.
It’s back to Miz, who beats the bear up. The head is taken off to reveal…..a no name. Back in and Miz gets beaten down again, only to have the bear come back in with the head on. Miz is sent into Maryse, who walks out on the match. Of course it’s Dean Ambrose underneath the match this time and Dirty Deeds gives Heath the pin at 6:30. Total comedy that advanced the story.
Rating: N/A. This wasn’t a match but a comedy segment that had wrestling involved. That being said, I had a good time with this one because it wasn’t supposed to be anything more than what it was. Just have some fun out there and advance a story with something that had been set up earlier in the story.
Video on the Hardys returning and winning/losing the Tag Team Titles.
Neville vs. Rich Swann
Non-title and Neville jumps Swann during his dancing. The Rings of Saturn go on and there’s no match.
Neville lists off the people he’s destroyed and wants to know how many more names he has to beat up before he gets his respect. That brings him to Akira Tozawa, who has been getting his attention as of late. If Tozawa keeps doing this though, he’s going to have to bend his knee as well.
Cesaro and Sheamus say they are the bar.
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows
Hang on as Cass is down again (you can see Revival walking through the background) with Enzo running up to check on him. Cass says it was one shot to the back of his head but he’ll be out there anyway. After Anderson and Gallows get in some mocking, the match starts anyway. Cass is clearly shaken up as he beats Anderson up. It’s off to Enzo as Cass is knocked off the apron again. Enzo fights back but gets superkicked out of the air, setting up the Magic Killer for the pin at 2:27.
Big Show comes out to break up the post match beatdown. Cass isn’t cool with Show helping Enzo up.
Post break Enzo asks Show if he attacked Cass because not many people could take Cass out with one shot. Show calls Cass S-A-W-F-T.
We recap the opening segment.
Samoa Joe is ready to choke Brock out. Again, this is Joe looking serious and sounding like he can back it up. He’s also not being presented as scared of Brock, which is a rare thing.
Next week, Roman Reigns will announce his Summerslam plans. Nothing has changed in the last hour and a half.
Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Hardys
Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and this is 2/3 falls. An early Brogue Kick misses and it’s Poetry in Motion to set up the Side Effect for two on Sheamus. Jeff tries to jump over Sheamus and gets Brogue Kicked for the first fall at 1:11. If my sources are right, that’s the first time the Hardys have been pinned in a tag match since November 2014.
Back from a break with Jeff still in trouble until he kicks Sheamus away and makes the hot tag off to Matt. The DELETE chants strike up as Matt sends Cesaro into each buckle ten times. A tornado DDT gets two and the Twist of Fate ties things up at 8:51 (total, including the first fall).
Everything breaks down in a hurry for the third fall with Jeff getting kneed in the face for two. Cesaro takes Matt down into the Sharpshooter but Jeff makes a save. The European uppercut gets another near fall on Jeff as Matt is driven into the barricade. Jeff gets in a quick Swanton but Cesaro makes the save at two. Everyone brawls to the floor and the third fall is a double countout at 15:25.
Rating: B. I’m really not sure where they’re going with this (as in I don’t know what the next gimmick will be) but this actually got me a bit more into the feud than I had been before. It’s still not the most thrilling stuff in the world but they were beating each other up here and had me interested in where it was going, which is a lot more than I can say for most feuds these days.
The Hardys beat them up a bit more to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This was….different, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. First of all, the show didn’t really have one big story and kept going around to different topics instead of focusing on one. The main event was treated like a big deal but Joe vs. Lesnar was done in the first fifteen minutes and the next major story was over the midcard title.
It felt like a throwaway show, which it probably was given the NBA Finals being on TV again. Of course that’s likely going to be used as a way to prove Roman’s drawing power, but that’s life in WWE. The show wasn’t good but it was watchable and felt a bit different, which might be the best thing I can say about it.
Results
Elias Samson b. Dean Ambrose – Swinging neckbreaker
Cedric Alexander b. Noam Dar – Lumbar Check
Apollo Crews b. Kalisto – Toss powerbomb
Dana Brooke/Mickie James/Sasha Banks b. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax/Emma – Bank Statement to Emma
Heath Slater/Rhyno b. Miz/Bear – Dirty Deeds to Miz
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass – Magic Killer to Amore
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Hardys went to a draw
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Main Event – June 8, 2017: Continuity? On This Show?
Main Event Date: June 8, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Corey Graves
I’m very pleased by the fact that I’m not sure what to expect about this show. I mean, I know we’ll be getting a cruiserweight match but maybe we can also have a Heath Slater/Rhyno match for a bit of fun. Either way, hopefully there’s not much from Raw, which really didn’t have the best week. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Lince Dorado vs. Drew Gulak
It’s nice to see that Dorado’s injury wasn’t anything serious. Lince grabs an armbar to start and a dropkick is good for two. Gulak doesn’t seem to mind and kicks Lince in the face before starting in on the knee. Something like a DDT to the leg sets up a stump puller of all things with the announcers asking how long it’s been since I last saw one. Eh about a second ago when I last looked at the screen.
A dragon screw legwhip keeps Dorado in trouble but the knee is fine enough for a moonsault press for two. Dorado hits the handspring Stunner and an Asai moonsault but the knee is suddenly banged up again. Back in and Drew takes the knee out again before grabbing a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin at 6:21.
Rating: D. So Lince’s knee was banged up, then he was able to do his flying stuff, then it was bad enough for the finish. I’m a bit split on that one but it’s a bit hard to be interested in the leg work if Dorado is doing his high flying stuff before getting caught. At least Gulak won though and that’s what matters most, especially with him in the middle of a solid push on 205 Live.
Stills of the Extreme Rules main event.
From Raw for the first time.
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
Before the match, Bray offers an alliance with Roman, who says this reaction is why he’s the guy. He punches Bray in the face and we’re ready to go. Sister Abigail and the Superman Punch both miss in the first thirty seconds and Bray is punched to the floor for a break. Back with Roman fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a DDT for two.
Another chinlock is broken up with a Samoan drop for two, only to have Bray send him into the post. A backsplash on the floor crushes Roman and takes us to our second break in eight minutes. Back again with Reigns sending him to the floor, only to get Rock Bottomed for two.
Bray takes him up to for some reason, only to have Roman slip out for a big sitout powerbomb. The Superman Punch gets two more but Bray rolls outside before the spear. That’s enough to set up the apron dropkick but Roman gets blasted with a clothesline. They’re both in at nine and Sister Abigail is countered into the spear for the pin at 19:38.
Rating: B. Well that was long. It was also annoying booking as they were seemingly building Bray up for a potential run at Lesnar but HAHA ROMAN WINS AGAIN! You know, because we have to keep the former three time World Champion strong in case the shine goes away. Bray gets to rebuild again while Reigns just keeps babbling about being THE GUY because people keep cheering/booing him at the same time.
And for the second time.
It’s time for Miz’s celebration with Maryse hosting and a guy in a bear suit behind her. Miz comes out and we hit the YOU DESERVE IT chants. That’s not cool with the new champ, as the fans chant that at every new champion in WWE. Miz brags about how awesome he is and how glad he is to be the new champion.
Maryse is praised for being this great but she didn’t order the bear. Miz beats the heck out of the bear….but it’s not Ambrose. That earns the bear a toss over the top (Miz: “At least you got beaten up by the Intercontinental Champion.”) and here comes a present in a big box. Miz doesn’t trust it and destroys the thing with a chair.
Maryse freaks out because it’s from her. She got him a grandfather clock because it’s timeless, just like her. Maryse yells and leaves as Miz goes off about Ambrose getting in his head. As the rant continues, the cameraman puts his camera down because it’s Dean. The beatdown doesn’t take long and Miz is left laying.
Curt Hawkins vs. Bo Dallas
Heel vs. heel works for me. This is over their recent failure as a tag team on this same show. Hawkins offers a free shot so Bo clotheslines him down. Curt gives him a hard Irish whip with Bo hitting his face on the middle rope and falling to the floor. Thankfully it’s not the same result as Enzo Amore last year and Bo is fine as we take a break.
Back with Hawkins getting two off an elbow drop and grabbing a sleeper. The sleeper sequel doesn’t last as long as Curt sends him into the corner instead. Dallas gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a dropkick to the ribs for two. Back up and Bo gets in a shot to the ribs, setting up a hanging swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 9:00.
Rating: C-. Hawkins’ entrance continues to carry him through most of his matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. I still like Dallas and his energy alone should have him as a jobber on the main roster. If nothing else, it’s very nice to have some continuity on Main Event, which you never would have expected around here.
And now, Main Event’s main event.
Samoa Joe vs. Seth Rollins
Joe tries an early powerbomb and gets taken down with a hurricanrana, only to have Joe come back with right hands and chops in the corner. A hard knee to Seth’s head has Rollins in trouble and the Sling Blade is countered as we take a break. Back with Joe still hammering away as the announcers talk about wrestlers hitting their stride and being on a roll like never before.
Joe crushes him with the backsplash and cranks on the arm. The snap powerslam gets two but Seth finally scores with an enziguri. A suicide dive sets up the Blockbuster, followed by a second dive. Rollins muscles him up for a Falcon Arrow and Joe is actually in some trouble. Bray Wyatt’s lights hit though and…..no one comes out. The distraction is enough to set up the Koquina Clutch though and Rollins is out at 14:14.
Rating: C+. As usual, this match had the standard Raw problem: it doesn’t mean anything so why should fans care enough to watch it? We know Lesnar is back to deal with Joe next week so why is this interesting? You know what else isn’t interesting? Bray, who lost to Reigns two and a half hours ago completely clean. If you want him to be this big deal, stop having him lose matches over and over. Rollins vs. Wyatt is interesting but it doesn’t matter if you have Reigns beat both of them in back to back weeks.
Overall Rating: C-. Not their worst episode and I’m still trying to get over the idea of continuity around here. It’s like someone is actually paying attention to the exclusive wrestling on a glorified recap show. Anyway, not terrible here with two guys I like winning, though not much of note from Raw.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – January 9, 2003: The One With The Dead Guy
Smackdown Date: January 9, 2003
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re getting closer to the Royal Rumble and tonight we’ll be finding out the fifteen Smackdown names in the match. Other than that though, we’re still building to Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle for Angle’s Smackdown World Title. It’s hard to say how they’ll build to that but given the show we’re on, I have a feeling tag matches are in store. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap looks at Paul Heyman challenging Brock Lesnar for a Royal Rumble match against Big Show. This resulted in Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore being massacred.
Opening sequence.
Big Show vs. Rikishi
Show towers over Rikishi, which Cole seems to think is impressive. I don’t remember anyone ever accusing Rikishi of being overly tall so as usual, Cole seems to be babbling about nothing important. Rikishi actually knocks Show down to his knee but makes the mistake of trying a slam. A big boot gives Show two and we hit a very long abdominal stretch until Show gets caught holding the ropes. Show hits a clothesline and the chokeslam is good for the pin.
Rating: D. They actually did something right with the booking here as while they did spend weeks having Rikishi go over John Cena and Bull Buchanan, Cena did get the pin last week and now Show gets to pin him. I’m not sure I would have had Rikishi beat Cena and Buchanan down after every match but he’s losing when he needs to be losing, which is what matters most.
Heyman promises to teach Lesnar a lesson by the end of the night.
John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Cena raps about how he doesn’t like Chavo for various Mexican stereotypes, including getting mild sauce at Taco Bell and illegal immigration. That would warrant an official public apology today. Or given how Vince likes Trump, a major push. Chavo grabs a headscissors to start and Cena gets knocked out to the floor in a heap.
Back in and a belly to back suplex makes things even worse so Cena blasts him with the hard clothesline. Buchanan gets in a shot to the head so Eddie goes after him and fights off Cena for good measure. That means a dive from Chavo onto both guys and here are the referees to eject Eddie. Back in and Cena heads up top, only to get superplexed for two. Chavo tries a sunset flip but Cena drops down and grabs the rope for the pin.
Rating: C-. This was ALL about Chavo here as Cena was only doing a few spots here and there in between all the shenanigans on the floor. At the end of the day though, Cena won the match and that’s where the future seems to be going. That being said, Los Guerreros have been turned face (at least in this match) and there was a lot more steam in their heel run. At least it was great while it lasted.
We recap last week’s wedding with Al Wilson missing most of his clothes.
And now, to the honeymoon suite with Dawn in lingerie, saying she’s exhausted. Al is an animal you see.
Raw Retro: Austin and the beer truck.
Matt Hardy vs. Billy Kidman
Matt, who has a heated toilet seat and likes pulp in his orange juice, isn’t getting a title shot because he’s over the cruiserweight limit. Well that and Kidman NEVER DEFENDS THE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE. A headscissors and dropkick have Matt in trouble to start and suggests that Kidman was watching the previous match. Matt bends his neck across the rope and Shannon’s interference lets the Ricochet (suplex into a side slam) get two.
We hit a sleeper exchange until Kidman grabs a Bodog for a breather. Matt is sent outside next to Shannon so Kidman hits a shooting star onto both of them with his head slamming into Shannon’s. Back in and Matt grabs a Side Effect for two but the middle rope legdrop misses. Matt gets rammed into the little MF’er and Kidman’s rollup is good for the pin.
Rating: C+. That shooting star to the floor looked great and it’s nice to see Kidman getting a win. The cruiserweight division is such a disaster at this point that there’s no much that can be done for it without bringing in some fresh talent. Would it really hurt them to try having Shannon in there? Have him win the title and see Matt freak out because Moore has a title and he doesn’t?
Post match Matt says that was an accident and asks for a round of applause for Shannon.
Lesnar is here.
Edge was in Seattle to get ready for the start of Wrestlemania ticket sales.
Torrie Wilson calls last week’s wedding disgusting and tasteless. Dawn vs. Torrie is confirmed for the first ever Stepmother vs. Stepdaughter match. Josh describes this as a Cinderella story. Torrie says that if there was a glass slipper……”Well, where I plan to put it, it won’t fit!”. I would pay so much to see the pitches about keeping this story going. Other than Vince laughing at it, how could it possibly continue?
Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble
Thankfully it’s not a headscissors into a dropkick this time as Jamie forearms him in the back instead. The Tarantula is broken up and Noble drops him onto the barricade instead. Back in and Noble starts in on the arm instead of Tajiri’s bad ankle. Tajiri fights out of a top wristlock and kicks at the ribs before rolling Noble all the way around into a sunset flip for two.
A great looking German suplex gives Tajiri two and the handspring elbow is good for the same. Jamie is right back up with the Trailer Hitch (a complicated leglock that looked great) but a rope is quickly grabbed. The leg is fine enough for the Tarantula, followed by a superkick to knock Noble out of the air. The Buzzsaw Kick puts Noble away.
Rating: B. They were WORKING here and continue to show why they should both be near the Cruiserweight Title instead of having a meaningless (yet awesome) match here. That’s quite the five minute performance and Tajiri’s kicks look as good as ever. Noble had something with that Trailer Hitch but he almost never used it. Either of these two against Kidman would be fine.
Angle fires up his team.
Nathan Jones is coming soon. He’d be leaving just as fast, though the video made him look interesting.
Charlie Haas vs. Edge
I like the fact that they’re having Haas and Benjamin wrestle singles matches instead of just teaming together. Making them feel like threats on their own can make them all the better as a team. The bell rings and here’s Chris Benoit to cancel out Angle and Benjamin. Charlie takes him down to start and easily throws Edge off for trying a hold of his own. A drop toehold into an armbar works a bit better for Edge and the half nelson facebuster is good for two.
Back up and Haas grabs a belly to belly for two before grabbing a double arm crank. A German suplex gives Charlie two more as Angle is playing a great cheerleader on the floor. Unfortunately he’s too busy cheering to tell Charlie about Edge grabbing a belly to belly of his own to put both guys down.
The Edge-o-Matic is good for two and the flapjack makes things even worse. Benoit goes after Angle for some reason so Shelton superkicks him down. The spear drops Charlie but Angle makes the save at two. Kurt isn’t done as he hits Edge in the back with a crutch, setting up an exploder suplex (without much explosion) to give Haas the pin.
Rating: C+. Even if Haas doesn’t get another win for a good while, now he’s got this one which is all he needs to do to get over in the early going. Haas and Benjamin are going to be fine when they start doing regular tag matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. It helps that Charlie has been in developmental for so long because he’s already solid in the ring. Imagine that: developmental getting you ready for the main roster.
Benoit grabs the mic and says time is running out on Angle because he’s tapping at the Royal Rumble. Since Kurt is still injured, send Benjamin down here RIGHT NOW.
Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin
Everyone else has been sent to the back. This was scheduled for later but the challenge was still good. They hit the mat to start and Benoit grabs an armdrag, which seems to fluster Benjamin. A very early Crossface attempt sends Benjamin to the ropes and it’s back to another standoff. They head outside with Shelton sending him back first into the barricade for two.
We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit, followed a northern lights suplex for two more. The comeback starts in a hurry with a clothesline into the rolling German suplexes to knock Shelton silly. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface but here’s Angle with the other crutch for the DQ.
Rating: C. That’s the best option they had here as you don’t want the #1 contender losing but you also don’t want Shelton to lose his singles debut. It’s almost like they’ve started thinking this booking through instead of having everyone pin everyone until it doesn’t matter anymore.
Angle gets Crossfaced until the Haas and Edge come out. The bad guys clean house and Benoit gets his ankle locked.
So we’ve just had two good, mat based technical matches that helped set up a major World Title match. Now here are Dawn and Al in the shower with Al looking exhausted.
Shannon Moore vs. Bill DeMott
Matt sits in on commentary and says this was all Shannon’s idea. A hard headlock into a front facelock keeps Shannon down as Matt tells Cole about the virtues of Mattitude. Shannon fights back with a middle rope leg lariat but gets clotheslined out of the air. DeMott hits a gutwrench powerbomb for the pin because he can’t pick a finisher already.
Matt yells at Shannon for the loss and beats him up.
Undertaker video, this time set to the Ministry theme.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Bull Buchanan
Los Guerreros jump Cena before more racial insensitivity can break out. Eddie hammers on Bull to start and the fans eat up his chest slap. Bull eventually clotheslines him down and stomps away in the corner as an EDDIE chant starts up. Oh yeah they’re full on faces. Something like a belly to back suplex drop sets up Buchanan’s top rope clothesline, which he seems to leave VERY short and is only saved by a timely camera cut.
A Chavo distraction lets Eddie chop away until a backdrop cuts him off again. Cena tries to interfere as well but Chavo hits him in the face with a title, leaving Eddie to show Bull how to properly do a belly to back suplex. The frog splash is good enough to put Buchanan away, drawing quite the positive reaction in the process.
Rating: C-. Buchanan’s near botches aside, this was a perfectly watchable match. The problem here is Buchanan really could be almost any given muscular big man and that’s going to catch up with him in a hurry. Eddie is more than capable of carrying almost anyone to a fine match and that’s what he did here, but Bull isn’t going to be in there with Guerrero all the time.
Dawn, in new lingerie, crawls over to Al and asks if he wants to play some more. Unfortunately, Al isn’t exactly responsive.
We run down the pay per view card without the promised fifteen names for the Rumble itself.
A-Train tells Big Show and Heyman to leave Lesnar alone tonight because he wants to solidify his reputation at Brock’s expense. This is a good example of why A-Train isn’t allowed to talk.
Another Nathan Jones video.
A-Train vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock shoves him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, only to have the chokebomb take him down without much effort. A good looking powerslam drops A-Train again though and it’s time for the first overhead belly to belly. We’ll make it three in a row until a headbutt cuts Brock off. Not that it matters as the F5 is enough to wrap A-Train up without much effort.
Rating: D+. They kept this very, very short here and that’s the right call. A-Train got in his big power moves and then ate the suplexes and F5 for the pin. There’s no need to do anything other than that and they had Lesnar look good by beating up a monster. Again, the smart booking here has carried the night and that’s a good thing.
Lesnar calls out Heyman and Big Show for his lesson. We see them heading to the ring but SURPRISE! The lesson is Brock can’t beat Big Show so they’re leaving.
Oh and Al, again in his briefs, is dead to end the show. You don’t see a character actually killed off in WWE but that’s about all this story deserves.
Overall Rating: B. Now that’s how you do a Smackdown. They kept things moving here and that made the show fly by. The Al Wilson stuff is stupid but it’s kind of hard to complain with Dawn there like she was. They advanced a bunch of stories here and, without actually announcing more than a few names for the Rumble, they’ve helped set up their side of the pay per view. The booking was good, the action was solid and the pacing was quick. What else can you ask for from a show?
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 6, 2003 (2017 Redo): Who Says Nitro Is Gone?
Monday Night Raw Date: January 6, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s a new year and somehow we’re stuck with Scott Steiner vs. HHH for the Raw World Title because HHH needs to make it clear that he has the best body in the world. Well the world of wrestling that is. Other than that we have Booker T. and Goldust as the Tag Team Champions, but far more importantly D’Lo Brown being held back by the man. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of last week’s HHH vs. Steiner arm wrestling contest. How manly it was.
The Dudleys come out for a match but here are Eric Bischoff and Chief Morely to say we’re changing things up a bit. We see a package on Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler beating Lance Storm/William Regal thanks to Bubba and D-Von. Bischoff says this is going to be his year so let’s start with a handicap match.
3 Minute Warning/Rico/Batista vs. Dudley Boyz
Ric Flair is with Batista (confirmed for the Rumble) for a bonus. It’s a brawl to start (of course) with Jamal being sent outside and Rico eating a very early 3D for two with Batista making the save. Even Chief Morely comes down for some right hands to Bubba as things finally settle down with Batista beating on D-Von.
The spinebuster looks to finish but the referee won’t count for some reason. Bischoff comes in and demands the count, only to have Batista pull him up at two. Bubba comes back in and slugs away but Rosey suplexes him down. Flair grabs a Figure Four and Jamal adds a top rope splash to crush Bubba again. The Batista Bomb finally ends D-Von.
Rating: D-. I guess this is the latest Corporation knockoff and the Dudleys are supposed to be important enough to be the adversaries. I’m not sure how bright it is to start a brand new year with something like this, especially with Steiner vs. HHH as the big story on top. Obviously not really even a match but no one ever accused Raw of being a wrestling show at this point.
Regal and Storm come out to yell at JR and Lawler before heading to the ring to beat on the Dudleys even more.
Flair tells HHH that the project is coming along nicely. HHH goes on about how awesome he is and brags about his physique. That physique has been featured on the cover of Flex Magazine but Steiner comes in to answer HHH’s challenge for a posedown later tonight.
Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Victoria/Molly Holly
Victoria runs Jackie over to start and it’s quickly off to Molly for the handspring elbow in the corner. Trish tries to come in but the distraction just lets the villains put Jackie in a camel clutch/Boston crab combination. That goes nowhere since it would likely kill Jackie so it’s off to Trish for the house cleaning. A rollup has Victoria pinned but Steven Richards turns it over so Victoria can grab the tights for the pin.
Rating: D. The wrestling isn’t exactly off to a good start this year. This was your standard women’s tag match of the day, meaning it just kind of kept going as we keep waiting until we can get to Victoria vs. Trish for the title again. Or until Lita can return from injury, which is the real long term solution.
Booker T. and Goldust don’t like the idea of the Year of Bischoff and laugh at the idea of humiliating the boss.
Bischoff is livid and makes Booker/Goldust vs. Storm/Regal for later.
Here’s Chris Jericho for a chat. He wants to be back in the main event of Wrestlemania so he can regain the World Title. Jericho doesn’t care who he faces to win the title back because he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. Cue Shawn Michaels to say he understands the idea of needing to be the best.
Jericho thinks he’s the best and Shawn isn’t going to dispute that. What Jericho needs is the validation from everyone in the arena, everyone watching this TV show and everyone in the back to know he’s the best. To do that, Jericho needs to volunteer to be the #1 entrant in the Rumble. Chris brings up the 1995 Rumble with Shawn lasting from beginning to end (details left out, as you might expect) because Shawn has to make everything about himself.
That brings Jericho to beating Austin and Rock in the same night because Shawn never beat either of them. Shawn cuts him off and says if Jericho won’t enter at #1, he will. A fight is teased but RNN BREAKING NEWS brings out Randy Orton live. Orton has two points to make: his shoulder is up to 93% mobility but more importantly, he’s the NEW sexy boy. Shawn punches him in the face and the fight is on with Jericho stomping away. Rob Van Dam comes in but the numbers get to him, thanks to Christian running in as well. Kane makes the save. Good segment but a forced way to set up a likely tag match for later.
Tag Team Titles: Booker T./Goldust vs. Lance Storm/William Regal
Storm and Regal are challenging and stare Lawler and JR down during their entrance. Booker hammerlocks Storm to start and drops a knee to the chest. Bischoff looks miserable in his office as Goldust comes in to stay on the arm. It’s off to Regal to get his arm cranked a bit as well until Storm gets in a cheap shot to let the evil foreigners take over.
We’re already in the chinlock with Regal and Storm both taking turns keeping Booker in trouble. Since chinlocks are only going to get you so far, Booker is right back up and making the hot tag off to Goldust. The Hart Attack with a sidekick drops Storm but Regal kicks the referee to the floor with the champs quickly following him out.
Back from a break with Chief Morely taking over as referee because WWE referees are the weakest human beings alive. Not that it matters as Booker kicks Morely down, leaving no one to count the ax kick on Storm. A third referee comes in to count two and see the hot tag to Goldust as everything breaks down again.
Storm gets Goldust to charge into a clothesline as the challengers take over again. A knee to the back sets up a chinlock for all of a few seconds before it’s off to Booker to clean house. Morely pulls the third ref out though, allowing Regal to KO Booker with the knuckles for the pin and the titles.
Rating: B-. Just in case you thought something might be different in the second half of the show. This puts the villains up 3-0 as the Bischoff dominance continues. At least the match was entertaining due to the talent involved. It was your usual overbooked mess of a title change but you have to expect something like that, especially with people who HHH probably thinks doesn’t know how to work.
Regal and Storm thank Bischoff for the chance.
Raw Retro is Sable taking off the potato sack to reveal the swimsuit. The Raw Tenth Anniversary is next week. I’ll begin bracing now.
Test vs. Christopher Nowinski
Stacy Keibler and D’Lo Brown are the seconds here, the latter due to a really bad pre-match promo. Apparently Stacy and the referees are prejudiced against an intelligent black man. Nowinski: “Tonight, can I be down with the brown?” D’Lo offers an early distraction so Chris can send Test shoulder first into the post. Test fights out of an armbar and decks Brown, followed by a full nelson slam for two. The big boot is grabbed by Brown but Test hits the Roll of the Dice to end Nowinski anyway.
Brown hits a Sky High to take Test out.
Christian tells Jericho that he’s in the Rumble too, which Jericho thinks means he has an assistant. That’s not exactly what Christian had in mind so tensions are teased. Orton comes in and tells them to worry about Rob Van Dam and Kane tonight.
Scott Steiner was on a bodybuilding magazine too, albeit back in 2000.
Recap of the arm wrestling contest from two weeks ago.
HHH is warming up for the posedown. He’s still manly.
It’s posedown time with HHH now in a jacket, which is likely covered with all the oil he was rubbing over his chest. HHH talks about how awesome it is to be World Champion and picks six fans from the crowd to be judges for the contest. They just happen to be six guys sitting in the front row and happen to look like wrestlers themselves.
Coach has to call out three mandatory poses just like at Mr. Olympia. Steiner comes out and this is somehow still going despite not even starting yet. The pose three times each with Steiner getting far stronger of a reaction, despite HHH (the bodybuilding fanatic), likely dominating if you’re actually talking about real bodybuilding technique.
The judges give it to HHH unanimously so Steiner asks for a fan vote. Since HHH won’t do that, we’ll have a push-up contest instead. They get to about fifteen but the judges attack Steiner as HHH bails. Steiner beats the heck out of all of them to FINALLY end this segment after twenty minutes (counting the arm wrestling recap and HHH manliness segment).
Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam
Orton and Michaels are in the respective corners. It’s a brawl to start with the good guys clearing the ring, followed by a running flip dive from Van Dam. Back in and Rob goes up, only to have an Orton distraction allow Christian to shove him off the top. The Canadians take over with Jericho getting in a belly to back and dropping some elbows.
We hit the double arm crank for a bit so Lawler asks JR if he thinks Orton is sexy. Thankfully Rob fights up before JR has to answer but Jericho sends him outside again. Orton’s latest attempt at interference earns him some Sweet Chin Music, only to have Chris send Shawn into the steps.
Back in and Rob kicks Christian away for the hot tag to Kane. A double suplex drops Christian and Jericho and the top rope clothesline makes things even worse. The Conchairto doesn’t work as the chairs only hit each other, leaving Shawn to pull Jericho to the floor. Back in and Van Dam kicks Christian into the chokeslam, followed by the Five Star for the pin.
Rating: D. They didn’t have time to do anything but the signature moves and a bunch of brawling here but that’s what you get when you have a freaking push-up contest in the previous segment. It’s nice to see some faces win for a change after a very long night of heel dominance.
Bischoff makes Regal vs. Lawler for next week but gets a phone call. Vince will be here next week.
Overall Rating: D-. This was a really rough one and one incredibly overbooked match is nowhere near enough to save the thing. It felt like I was watching an NWO episode of Nitro with heel dominance all night long, a VERY lengthy segment that set up a match with the potential to be a disaster and a lot of stuff that did nothing but fill in time. This show was really, really bad and it’s made even worse by the fact that we’re thirteen days from the Rumble and all of four names seem to have been announced. HHH vs. Steiner needs to happen already because the time dedicated to that really could be useful elsewhere.
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Smackdown Date: June 6, 2017
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
We’re two days past the most recent Raw pay per view and since this is WWE, that means we’re less than two weeks away from the next Smackdown pay per view. In this case that would be Money in the Bank, which means we’re getting more matches between all the participants. Tonight that would be Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kevin Owens which will be non-title because the belt means nothing at the moment. I mean, it would be asking too much to have the focus be on a ladder match and a title despite them having nothing to do with one another. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Shane McMahon announcing the first ever women’s Money in the Bank match.
The participants for the women’s match are in the ring as Shane comes out to open things up. Shane introduces everyone and unveils the women’s briefcase, which is white instead of red or blue. Everyone hits their catchphrases with Becky calling Natalya out for ripping off Bret’s famous line.
Naomi comes out to talk about how important this is but Lana cuts them off in a VERY nice blue dress. In short she wants in the match but Naomi breaks up laughing. Lana: “What’s so funny?” Naomi: “Bugs Bunny. And you.” Naomi doesn’t think Lana has done enough to warrant being in the title picture so Lana says she can beat the champ. Shane says no and sends her packing, drawing a WE WANT LANA chant.
Naomi/Charlotte/Becky Lynch vs. Carmella/Natalya/Tamina
Charlotte drops a knee on Natalya to start and stops to do the Carmella dance. It’s off to Becky to work on the arm, only to have Charlotte sent outside as we take a break less than three minutes in. Back with Natalya kicking Becky in the ribs but getting elbowed in the face, allowing the hot tag off to Naomi. House is cleaned with a series of kicks, including the dancing variety to Tamina. Naomi gets two off a springboard crossbody but here’s Lana to trip her up. Tamina uses the distraction to hit a superkick for the pin at 10:48.
Rating: D+. This was all about setting up Lana and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lana has the potential to be a major star and the division could certainly use some extra star power. The match was nothing to see, though Lana getting a future title shot could certainly be interesting.
Mojo Rawley gives Shane McMahon a speech about wanting a shot, mentioning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal win and defeating Jinder Mahal. Shane is willing to give him an opportunity to be in the ladder match if he can beat Mahal tonight. That’s fine with Mojo.
AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler
Rematch from last week where Ziggler won. Feeling out process to start with AJ working a headlock and shouldering Ziggler down. Ziggler gets in a dropkick of his own though and AJ is knocked outside as we take a break. Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock and getting two off a Fameasser. Ziggler’s superplex is broken up but so is the Phenomenal Forearm. Instead AJ sunset flips him for two and they hit a pinfall reversal sequence, only to have AJ reverse into the Styles Clash for the pin at 6:57.
Rating: C. You could have penciled in Styles winning the second this match was announced because that’s how the build to the Money in the Bank match works: one person wins to gain momentum, then they reverse the wins to put both guys back to even and then none of it matters because the surprise participant wins more often than not.
It’s Fashion Files time. Breeze is looking at the list of suspects when Fandango comes in. He took the bottle of cologne to the boys in the lab and found out that there are no boys and no lab. Fandango doesn’t think it’s cologne, which means it’s not the Colons’ cologne. They have no idea what’s going on, which means they’re getting close. We cut to New Day in the back and then coming into the office, where they become black and white. Big E. says they need help with a case. Breeze, thinking: “New Day, new case.”
Big E. isn’t sure if it’s a yes or a no because they’re not saying anything. They have a present for Breezango: rompers (a kind of zip up shirt). Fandango doesn’t like the fabric and says they don’t take bribes. Breeze has put his on though and Fandango thinks it looks pretty good. As for the case, New Day wants some information on the Usos. Breezango has three boxes of stuff and talk with their minds, sending New Day walking away awkwardly. Breezango, again thinking: “New case rocks!”
Mojo Rawley vs. Jinder Mahal
Non-title and a win sends Mojo to the Money in the Bank ladder match. Mahal has a VERY long entrance so Mojo shoulders him to the floor to start. Back in and Mojo hits a hard clothesline, only to have one of the Singh Brothers offer a distraction. Mahal gets in a kick to the face to take over before sending Mojo shoulder first into the post. The Khallas gives Jinder the pin at 3:57.
Rating: D. Well that was the same Mahal match you would expect on Main Event but now he’s the World Champion. As usual, that’s my biggest issue with him: he’s so average that it’s almost unthinkable to have him as World Champion. Even Justin Credible, who would have been the poster boy for that kind of champion before Mahal won, had some good charisma. Mahal is just dull and average, which isn’t worth watching.
Post match Mahal says he dismantled Mojo’s dreams, just like he’ll do to Orton at Money in the Bank.
Orton is ready to win his title back.
Shinsuke Nakamura video, featuring him painting.
New Day vs. Colons
Kofi is on the floor this time as Primo wristlocks Woods to start. Xavier fights out and hits a discus forearm before bringing in Big E. We get stereo abdominal stretches and take another early break. Back with Woods hitting a missile dropkick and bringing Big E. back in to clean house. A big flip dive takes Epico out and the Midnight Hour is enough to finish Primo at 7:26.
Rating: D+. Just a quick match to remind us that New Day is a good team. It makes sense to put them in the title match this soon, even though they don’t need to win the belts for a long time, or ever really. The Colons are good for the heel jobber tag team roles and the match served its purpose just fine.
Post match the Usos come out to call New Day old news. Jey has jokes about all three of them, including asking if E. is an initial or a bra size. Oh and Woods has weird shoes.
Sami Zayn has been watching a lot of footage of his opponents to get ready for the ladder match. He thinks Nakamura is the big threat to win and that’s why he’ll be on commentary for the main event. Cue Baron Corbin to hit Zayn with a ladder.
Naomi demands that Shane give her a match with Lana at Money in the Bank. She’s willing to put the title on the line so Shane makes the match.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title and Corbin is on commentary instead of Sami. Feeling out process to start until Nakamura kicks him out to the floor. We take an early break and come back with Owens kicking Nakamura down for a chinlock. Nakamura fights up with some elbows and the running knee into the corner. The reverse exploder is countered but Owens hits the Cannonball. It’s too early for the Pop Up Powerbomb though as Nakamura fights out and kicks Owens in the head. Now the exploder connects and the Kinshasa knocks Owens silly for the pin at 10:15.
Rating: D+. That would be three weeks in a row that Nakamura has pinned Owens and we’re still waiting on the first mention of the US Title. The Title doesn’t matter though because “building momentum” is all that matters at this point. That’s the one idea and if the US Title has to be punched in the face to accomplish it, that’s just what we’re going to do.
Oh and in case you thought that win mattered, Corbin lays Nakamua out with End of Days.
Overall Rating: D. When did Smackdown get this boring? You have the entire midcard trading wins in the name of building momentum, even though JBL flat out said that getting a pinfall has nothing to do with climbing a ladder. The US Title might as well be a participation ribbon and Jinder Mahal is World Champion. Oh and the women are doing the same thing the men are doing and it’s roughly about as interesting. When is Money in the Bank again so we can get back to something interesting?
Results
Tamina/Carmella/Natalya b. Naomi/Charlotte/Becky Lynch – Superkick to Charlotte
AJ Styles b. Dolph Ziggler – Styles Clash
Jinder Mahal b. Mojo Rawley – Khallas
New Day b. Colons – Midnight Hour to Primo
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Kevin Owens – Kinshasa
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw Date: June 5, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.
We’re past Extreme Rules and in a bit of a surprise, the new #1 contender is Samoa Joe, who will get to face Brock Lesnar in just over a month at Great Balls of Fire. Other than that…..yeah there isn’t really a lot to talk about, other than Cesaro and Sheamus winning the Tag Team Titles. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of last night’s main event. Makes sense in a long match.
Here’s Bray Wyatt to say that he was ready to slay the Beast but his sword was taken from him. The other four men in the match are all guilty and now it’s time to start his path back to the Beast.
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
Before the match, Bray offers an alliance with Roman, who says this reaction is why he’s the guy. He punches Bray in the face and we’re ready to go. Sister Abigail and the Superman Punch both miss in the first thirty seconds and Bray is punched to the floor for a break. Back with Roman fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a DDT for two.
Another chinlock is broken up with a Samoan drop for two, only to have Bray send him into the post. A backsplash on the floor crushes Roman and takes us to our second break in eight minutes. Back again with Reigns sending him to the floor, only to get Rock Bottomed for two.
Bray takes him up to for some reason, only to have Roman slip out for a big sitout powerbomb. The Superman Punch gets two more but Bray rolls outside before the spear. That’s enough to set up the apron dropkick but Roman gets blasted with a clothesline. They’re both in at nine and Sister Abigail is countered into the spear for the pin at 19:38.
Rating: B. Well that was long. It was also annoying booking as they were seemingly building Bray up for a potential run at Lesnar but HAHA ROMAN WINS AGAIN! You know, because we have to keep the former three time World Champion strong in case the shine goes away. Bray gets to rebuild again while Reigns just keeps babbling about being THE GUY because people keep cheering/booing him at the same time.
Enzo Amore doesn’t know who attacked him and thinks he should sell ice cream. Cass doesn’t like the idea that people think it was him and promises to have Enzo’s back. Enzo stops to hit on Cathy Kelly, who doesn’t seem to mind.
Stills of Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss from last night.
Kurt Angle is in his office reading another incriminating text when Bliss comes in to hear some congratulations. When they don’t come, Bliss says she’s tired of Bayley so tonight it’s Alexa Bliss: This Is My Life. Angle says that’s terrible because last week’s segment was awful (it wasn’t THAT bad). Instead, tonight Bliss is defending against Nia Jax as she promised she would on last night’s pre-show.
Elias Samson sings about Dean Ambrose.
Dean Ambrose vs. Elias Samson
Ambrose comes out and hits him in the head to send Samson outside. Dean grabs the mic and says he wants his rematch for the Intercontinental Title right now. Miz comes up on the screen and says no because he has a celebration for later. The distraction lets Samson hit his swinging neckbreaker. No match.
Post break Angle makes Miz vs. Ambrose for some unspecified point in the future. As for tonight though, Ambrose needs to leave.
Here’s Samoa Joe to talk about Lesnar. Joe gets straight to the point: he isn’t afraid of Brock Lesnar but he does envy the way Lesnar gets to do things. He shows up and fights when he wants and has Paul Heyman to run his errands for him. This brings out Heyman to say that Samoa Joe is the next challenger. Lesnar doesn’t fear Joe but Heyman thinks Joe likes that.
We hear about Lesnar not being afraid of facing Undertaker, John Cena, Goldberg or any of his other challengers because that’s what Lesnar does. A few weeks ago, Heyman said he wanted to see Lesnar vs. Finn Balor because it’s a license to print money. Joe is the worst case scenario however because Joe doesn’t care.
Even if Lesnar successfully defends the title, Joe is going to take a piece of Brock with him. That being said, Heyman’s job is to make Lesnar Joe’s worst case scenario. They shake hands and Heyman goes to leave. Joe stops him though and whispers into Heyman’s ear that he’s about to choke Heyman out and render him unconscious. Before Joe does it though, he makes sure Heyman remembers it so he can tell Lesnar what’s coming for him. That’s exactly what Joe does and Heyman is left laying. Joe looked amazing here and that’s the kind of upgrade he needed before heading into the match with Lesnar.
Post break Angle gets in Joe’s face and says that can’t happen. Joe says he’ll do that to anyone who is in his way but all that matters is if Angle is in his way. Seth Rollins comes up with a challenge for later tonight. Angle makes the match.
Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
Non-title. Sheamus sends Slater into the post to start and we’re in an early chinlock. Heath actually comes back with a kick to the face but Cesaro pulls Rhyno off the apron. The distraction is enough for a Brogue Kick to finish Slater at 1:43.
Sheamus says that’s how smart teams win and takes a quick poll on how happy the fans are for the win. They know the Hardys aren’t happy and there’s nothing that can be done. So the feud CONTINUES??? REALLY???
TJP runs into Neville and wants his promised title shot. Neville basically tells him to back off.
Mustafa Ali vs. TJP
Ali starts fast and snaps off a headscissors but TJP takes him down without too much effort. TJP takes him into the corner but gets caught in a tornado DDT. It’s too early for the inverted 450 though, allowing TJP to hit the Detonation Kick for the pin at 2:40.
Post match Neville comes out to say there’s no shot. TJP wants to talk to Angle about this right now and gets his face slammed into the stage. Neville shouts that the title is on the line tomorrow night on 205 Live.
Goldust sees the bigger picture here and says the biggest names in Hollywood will be around soon because the Golden Age is back.
Mickie James, Dana Brooke and Sasha Banks are talking (like any three random women do) when Alexa comes up and wants to chat. By chat, she means turn them against Nia Jax. Sasha has already left but Mickie and Dana don’t seem to buy it. The two of them will be at ringside tonight.
The announcers talk about Bliss vs. Jax when Angle comes up to show Graves another text. They have a talk that we can’t hear and Graves goes back to the announcers’ desk, where he completely ignores Cole’s questions about what just happened.
Angle won’t talk about what happened, calling it a private matter. As he goes outside with his phone, Ambrose sneaks back in, with the Revival again being seen in the background.
Kalisto vs. Titus O’Neil
Titus accidentally cost Apollo Crews a match last night so he’s showing Apollo how it’s done. Kalisto gets sent into the corner and slammed down as we see Akira Tozawa of all people watching. Apparently he’s next in line to join the Titus Brand, though that’s from Titus himself. A fall away slam is countered into a rollup with trunks, only to have Kalisto reverse into one of his own, with a handful of trunks for the pin at 1:43.
Big Cass has been attacked. Enzo runs in and finds a gold chain in Cass’ hand. Post break, Enzo blames Revival and says they need to have their match. The referee says Enzo will need to find a new partner.
It’s time for Miz’s celebration with Maryse hosting and a guy in a bear suit behind her. Miz comes out and we hit the YOU DESERVE IT chants. That’s not cool with the new champ, as the fans chant that at every new champion in WWE. Miz brags about how awesome he is and how glad he is to be the new champion.
Maryse is praised for being this great but she didn’t order the bear. Miz beats the heck out of the bear….but it’s not Ambrose. That earns the bear a toss over the top (Miz: “At least you got beaten up by the Intercontinental Champion.”) and here comes a present in a big box. Miz doesn’t trust it and destroys the thing with a chair.
Maryse freaks out because it’s from her. She got him a grandfather clock because it’s timeless, just like her. Maryse yells and leaves as Miz goes off about Ambrose getting in his head. As the rant continues, the cameraman puts his camera down because it’s Dean. The beatdown doesn’t take long and Miz is left laying.
Enzo Amore/??? vs Anderson and Gallows
Amore has a new partner and it’s……Big Show. Before the match, Enzo says Show is looking slim and might be joining 205 Live. Enzo is 206 though and that makes him a heavyweight. He keeps going about rubbing Big Show and asks him to loosen up. That sends Show into something like an Enzo impression before finishing with the Cass line. Gallows kicks Enzo in the face at the bell but it’s off to Show almost immediately. A chokeslam to Anderson sets up a modified Bada Boom Shaka Lacka for the pin at 1:42.
Video on Alexa Bliss.
Post break, Cass accuses Show of being the attacker but leaves with Enzo without much of a problem.
R-Truth says he’s coming for Goldust and quotes A Few Good Men.
Bliss doesn’t like the rest of the division.
Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss
Bliss is defending with Mickie and Dana at ringside. Jax throws her around to start and sends the champ into a corner. Bliss avoids a charge and tries a sleeper but gets sent outside. Mickie and Dana laugh at her so Alexa starts a fight, drawing the DQ at 2:20.
Nia destroys Mickie and Dana post match.
Heyman is in the trainer’s room when he gets a phone call from Brock. Paul thinks Brock should be here next week.
Samoa Joe vs. Seth Rollins
Joe tries an early powerbomb and gets taken down with a hurricanrana, only to have Joe come back with right hands and chops in the corner. A hard knee to Seth’s head has Rollins in trouble and the Sling Blade is countered as we take a break. Back with Joe still hammering away as the announcers talk about wrestlers hitting their stride and being on a roll like never before.
Joe crushes him with the backsplash and cranks on the arm. The snap powerslam gets two but Seth finally scores with an enziguri. A suicide dive sets up the Blockbuster, followed by a second dive. Rollins muscles him up for a Falcon Arrow and Joe is actually in some trouble. Bray Wyatt’s lights hit though and…..no one comes out. The distraction is enough to set up the Koquina Clutch though and Rollins is out at 14:14.
Rating: C+. As usual, this match had the standard Raw problem: it doesn’t mean anything so why should fans care enough to watch it? We know Lesnar is back to deal with Joe next week so why is this interesting? You know what else isn’t interesting? Bray, who lost to Reigns two and a half hours ago completely clean. If you want him to be this big deal, stop having him lose matches over and over. Rollins vs. Wyatt is interesting but it doesn’t matter if you have Reigns beat both of them in back to back weeks.
Overall Rating: C-. Not a bad show but way too long, as is so often the case. Having Lesnar back next week should help a lot and the show will be better as a result but dang the rest of the show could use some freshening up. It feels like a lot of these feuds have been going on forever and that shouldn’t be the case coming off a pay per view. The show had good moments (Bliss continuing to be gold and Joe choking Heyman out) but they need something to get people fired up. Maybe it’s Lesnar next week but if he doesn’t do it, I have no idea what will.
Results
Roman Reigns b. Bray Wyatt – Spear
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Heath Slater/Rhyno – Brogue Kick to Slater
TJP b. Mustafa Ali – Detonation Kick
Kalisto b. Titus O’Neil – Rollup with a handful of trunks
Enzo Amore/Big Show b. Anderson and Gallows – High crossbody to Anderson
Alexa Bliss b. Nia Jax via DQ when Mickie James and Dana Brooke interfered
Samoa Joe b. Seth Rollins – Koquina Clutch
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Extreme Rules 2017 Date: June 4, 2017
Location: Royal Farms Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves
It’s the night of extreme, which is loosely translated as “night of gimmicky rematches”. The main event is a Fatal Five Way for a future shot at Brock Lesnar and the Universal Title, likely coming at next month’s Great Balls of Fire. The stories aren’t the strongest this time around so it’s going to be mostly up to the in-ring action. Let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Kalisto vs. Apolo Crews
Kalisto has been feuding with Crews and Titus O’Neil for a few weeks now with Titus stealing a tainted win over him last week. Feeling out process to start with the announcers talking about LaVar Ball trying to buy into the Titus Brand. If you don’t know who that is, leave it at that and consider it a good day. Kalisto takes over with some speedy technical stuff and sends Crews to the floor for a big springboard dive. He tries another dive but gets kicked in the head for his efforts as we take a break.
Back with Crews holding a front facelock but having to clothesline Kalisto down to break up a comeback. Kalisto makes his real comeback with the corkscrew springboard shoulder as Titus plays cheerleader. A small package gets two on Crews, followed by one heck of a tornado DDT for the same. Crews comes back with a Samoan drop but his standing shooting star only gets two. Titus offers some suggestions but the distraction lets Kalisto hit a quick Salida Del Sol for the pin at 9:35.
Rating: C+. That was a lot better than I expected and if it leads to Crews beating the fire out of Titus, so be it. Basically whatever gets Crews pushed better than he has been so far on the main roster with a bit of a character/personality to him is an improvement, as we’ve been seeing him waste away for over a year now. Kalisto continues to be the guy that should be near the top of the cruiserweight show but for now he’s just a low level performer who fights heavyweights on the main show. You know, because the cruiserweight division is nonsense
The opening sequence talks about about things going extreme and how this is all about facing Brock Lesnar. You might remember him even though you haven’t seen him in two months.
We recap Miz vs. Dean Ambrose. They feuded on Smackdown late last year but now they’re both on Raw so we’ll just keep it going. Miz got a shot at the title but Ambrose got disqualified, setting up this rematch.
Intercontinental Title: Miz vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose is defending and can lose the title via DQ. They start slowly with an exchange of hammerlocks as the announcers talk about this being Miz’s 92nd pay per view match. A slap to the face annoys Ambrose so he hammers away in the corner. Dean keeps his cool and sends Miz outside for a suicide dive, followed by a whip into the barricade.
Things settle down though as we make sure that the EXTREME show doesn’t get too intense. Another yell from the referee allows Miz to get in an apron DDT for two. A neckbreaker is good for the same and Miz kicks him in the face for good measure. Three corner running dropkicks and the running corner clothesline has Dean in trouble but he’s still able to punch Miz out of the air.
Neither finish can hit so Dean sends him outside for another dive. Back in and Ambrose grabs a rollup for two, only to tweak his knee coming off the top. That means it’s off to the Figure Four with Dean finally getting over for the rope break. Dean gets crotched on top and Miz pulls him away, taking the turnbuckle pad with him.
The champ catches himself from sending Miz into the buckle but Miz uses the distraction to hit some YES Kicks. The big one is countered into a Figure Four on Miz but another rope grab is good for the break. They both limp on the bad leg for the slugout for a double knockdown before we FINALLY get to the obvious idea as Maryse slaps Miz. The referee says no and ejects Maryse though, allowing Dean to grab a rollup for two. Miz gets smart though and sends Dean into the referee but that’s still not a DQ. Instead Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin at 20:02.
Rating: B. I’m happy with Miz getting the title back but sweet goodness they were waiting around until the gimmick played into the ending. The slap not counting was pretty obvious but at least the DQ thing set up the ending. The problem here is very simple though: there’s not much interest in these two fighting again because they did it for so long back in December and January. But hey, at least Cena got a marriage proposal in there before they send Miz right back where he was a year ago first right?
Bayley thinks Alexa Bliss was no Rock and Mankind but she’s been watching Tommy Dreamer, Sandman and Steve Blackman to get ready for tonight. She also saw Wonder Woman and feels empowered to take the title back.
Sasha Banks/Rich Swann vs. Alicia Fox/Noam Dar
Swann gets a great hometown pop with one fan in particular really seeming happy. How do I know that? It’s because they cut to the one fan’s reaction during the entrance. The women start but it’s off to Dar before anything can happen. That means Swann has to come in to kick Dar in the head a bit before handing it back to Banks. The Bank Statement has Fox in trouble until Dar pulls her to the ropes.
Fox takes over on Sasha for a bit but another kick allows the hot tag to Swann, who gets almost no reaction this time around. A running flip Fameasser drops Dar and the spinning kick to the face makes things even worse. Everything breaks down and Sasha hits the double knees off the top to drop Dar on the floor. Back in and the Phoenix Splash ends Noam at 6:23.
Rating: D+. Well that was filler. Seriously what else can you call something like this? They have a six match card and one of the matches gets less than six and a half minutes. That being said, this was a match that shouldn’t have gone any longer because it has no place on a pay per view card. Also why does Swann get to survive the hometown curse?
The winners dance.
Elias Samson sings about how bad Baltimore is. This goes nowhere but does manage to kill off three minutes.
We recap Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss. Alexa kind of cheated to win the title last month and then attacked Bayley with a kendo stick. Tonight it’s a kendo stick on a pole match but the question is whether Bayley is capable of getting extreme.
Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss
Bliss is defending and gets sent into the corner early on, only to send Bayley outside. She’s too short to reach the stick though, which falls out to the floor instead. A belly to back suplex on the floor makes things worse for Bliss and Bayley grabs the stick. Graves: “It’s like she went from Prince Adam to He-Man!” Bayley takes too much time pulling the stick back though and gets speared down, allowing Bliss to hammer away with the stick. The beating is cut off with a Bayley to Belly but Bayley can’t follow up. More stick shots knock Bayley silly and the DDT finishes her off at 5:13.
Rating: F. So to recap: Bayley is the biggest star in NXT and then is booked like a huge loser in WWE. The fact that NXT was booked by Dusty Rhodes’ protege and WWE is booked by a “creative team” has nothing to do with this I’m sure. Yeah I’m sure they didn’t think that the simplest idea in the world (Bayley is an underdog who gets beaten down but keeps coming back because she has heart and loves what she does) needed to be completely redone in a horrible way or anything.
Just hand her the title almost right out of the gate, let her win an overbooked match at Wrestlemania and everything will be fine. It’s certainly not creative’s fault at all. Nah, it’s all on Bayley, just like all those other hot prospects in NXT who just can’t make it work for whatever reason on the main roster. All on them of course.
To clarify some of that rambling mess: this was a horribly booked match. The whole idea was building towards Bayley finding her inner anger and using the stick. They built it up well enough and then…..nothing. She had one chance to swing the stick and then Bliss just beat her up to retain in a very short match. There was no late hope spot, there was no comeback and there was nothing for the fans to get behind. This was just a step ahead of a squash instead of something interesting, which makes the last month or two a complete waste. Bliss looked great but Bayley continues to be completely mishandled.
Did I mention I REALLY don’t like WWE creative as of late?
Tag Team Titles: Hardy Boyz vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
The Hardys are defending in a cage with both members needing to escape to win, meaning no pinfalls. Cesaro and Sheamus head for the walls and the door to start but the champs pull them back in without much effort. A few whips into the cage set up a few Poetries in Motion against the cage. The advantage doesn’t last long as Cesaro sends Jeff into the cage. It’s still too early to leave though as Jeff makes the save.
They trade some escape attempts to no avail until Cesaro ax handles Jeff. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick and gets caught in Matt’s tornado DDT to put all four down. The champs are up first and go up the cage, only to have Cesaro and Sheamus make quick saves. Jeff actually manages to get to the floor but that leaves Matt in a handicap match. The Side Effect drops Sheamus and Cesaro is put down as well but Matt can’t escape just yet.
Jeff tries to help and even pulls him halfway over the top before Cesaro punches him down to the floor. That means Matt gets pulled back down into the ring for a double Razor’s Edge (cool spot). A Brogue Kick drops Jeff again but Matt keeps Sheamus from escaping. Back to back Twists of Fate allows Matt to get his legs over the top until Cesaro hits an uppercut.
A super White Noise knocks Matt silly but here’s Jeff to dive off the top with a Whisper in the Wind to take Sheamus and Cesaro down again. Matt gets up and drags Jeff’s body towards the door as Cesaro and Sheamus go up over the top at the same time. Matt is on the floor first but can’t get Jeff out (again), allowing Cesaro and Sheamus to drop down and win the titles (for a face pop) at 15:45.
Rating: B. Uh, is it just me or does that ending not make sense? Matt and Jeff escaped first but Jeff’s escape is rescinded for going back in? When has that been a rule? It’s not the worst ending in the world and I’m fine with Cesaro and Sheamus as champions (imagine saying that six months ago) as they had to get the titles off Matt and Jeff somehow, likely without pinning them. The match being good always helps too.
We recap the Cruiserweight Title match. Austin Aries has lost to Neville twice in a row, both times via some shenanigans. Tonight it’s a submission match with Aries coming in on a bad leg, though he made Neville tap in a tag match six days ago.
Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Austin Aries
Aries is challenging in a submission match. Feeling out process to start with Neville working on an armbar instead of the taped up neck or bad knee. Aries smacks him in the back and hits a slingshot hilo, only to have Neville bail to the floor to escape the Last Chancery. Back up and Aries tweaks his knee coming off the ropes to give Neville a target. A dragon screw leg whip has the leg in trouble but Aries hits a few shinbreakers with the good leg.
The neckbreaker across the ropes is broken up and Aries might have hurt his arm on the landing. The arm is fine enough for Aries to take Neville’s leg out again and grab a figure four until Neville makes the ropes. Ignore this being a SUBMISSION match, meaning the rope shouldn’t be a break.
The Rings of Saturn go on Aries in the middle of the ring but he gets his feet to the ropes for another break. Now it’s Aries grabbing his own Rings of Saturn, only to have Neville grab the referee. That’s the threat of a DQ (ERG!) so Aries lets go to tell the referee not to do it.
Neville gets in a superkick and puts Aries on top but gets caught in a sunset bomb. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville crawls to the floor, only to have the hold stay on. Neville taps to no avail because the fall has to be in the ring. Aries misses the suicide dive to send him crashing to the floor. Back in and the Red Arrow hits Aries’ back, setting up the Rings to make Aries tap at 17:23.
Rating: B+. Other than actually growling at the referee to STOP WITH THE DQ THREATS BECAUSE IT’S A FREAKING SUBMISSION MATCH YOU STUPID PEOPLE, this was really entertaining stuff. Above all else though, it needs to be the finish to the feud. Aries has lost every single time and now he lost as clean as you can in a match like this (which STILL shouldn’t have disqualifications). Let it be over now and give us Akira Tozawa or someone else challenging for the title.
Great Balls of Fire ad with a 1950s theme because that’s the best they can come up with.
Lesnar’s title defense will take place at Great Balls of Fire.
We recap the Fatal Five Way, which is really happening because Braun Strowman is injured and we need a new #1 contender. Kurt Angle put five guys in a single match with the winner facing Lesnar next month.
Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Samoa Joe
Winner gets Brock next month, one fall to a finish and anything goes. It’s a big brawl to start with Reigns being left alone in the ring until Bray Wyatt comes in to keep him from being lonely. Wyatt gets caught on the middle rope for a Samoan drop, followed by one to Joe for good measure.
Balor sends Reigns to the floor, leaving Bray to come back in and beat on Rollins and Joe. The three are sent outside for a big flip dive from Balor, only to have Reigns send him into the barricade. Joe breaks up the apron dropkick to Wyatt and sends Reigns into the steps. There isn’t much else to do here other than list off moves, as is so often the case in matches like this one.
Wyatt and Joe get together to hit people with steps, including a shot to Reigns which draws some solid cheers. They officially make a deal and take over on Balor inside as Corey is waiting on them to turn on each other. Seth starts a comeback but gets DDTed onto the steps for his efforts. Bray grabs a chair and cleans house again until he and Joe take turns backsplashing the chair onto Balor.
Joe finally misses a charge into a chair and Bray misses the crossbody, allowing Reigns to remember that he’s in the match. Roman gets the expected house cleaning segment until Bray takes him outside for a Rock Bottom onto the table. Now it’s Rollins coming back with a springboard clothesline on Wyatt, followed by a double Blockbuster to Bray and Joe.
Things speed up with Rollins loading up a suicide dive to Bray, who pulls Joe into the path instead. Back in and Sister Abigail plants Rollins, only to have Joe break it up and start the inevitable fight with Bray. Balor comes back in with a chair to break up the Koquina Clutch before dropkicking everyone in sight.
It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Reigns comes back with a spear to drive Balor and Joe through the barricade. Seth is back up with a frog splash to drive Bray through the table but stays down holding his knee. The knee is fine enough for him to stand up for a staredown with Reigns as the chair is still in the ring. A quick Superman Punch gives Roman two, followed by Seth’s low superkick getting the same.
Another frog splash gets two more but here’s Bray for failed Sister Abigail attempts on both guys. Roman spears Bray down and hits Rollins with another Superman Punch. Balor takes one of his own but still comes back with the shotgun dropkick and Coup de Grace. It doesn’t matter though as Joe comes back in with the Koquina Clutch on Balor for the win at 29:10.
Rating: A-. I think I can go with Joe vs. Lesnar if I absolutely have to. This was a WAY better match than I was expecting with the extra time doing it a lot of favors. They had all five looking strong with the Bray/Joe alliance working fine for a story during the match. Joe winning is a good idea as he can get a rub from working with Lesnar, despite having almost no chance at actually beating him. I had a great time with this one and the ending is a very good call.
Overall Rating: B+. This was actually a heck of a show, albeit one that isn’t going to mean a thing after…..oh I’d say tomorrow. That’s a common problem in WWE and I’m not surprised to see it continue here. The idea of having a title match to build towards is a nice change of pace and should help the show a lot. Add that to a lot of really solid wrestling (only the Bayley vs. Bliss match was really bad, which is due to the booking instead of the action, or lack thereof) and you have a much better show than I ever would have guessed.
Results
Miz b. Dean Ambrose – Skull Crushing Finale
Sasha Banks/Rich Swann b. Alicia Fox/Noam Dar – Phoenix Splash to Dar
Alexa Bliss b. Bayley – DDT
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Hardy Boyz – Cesaro and Sheamus escaped the cage
Neville b. Austin Aries – Rings of Saturn
Samoa Joe b. Finn Balor, Bray Wyatt, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns – Koquina Clutch to Balor
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – January 2, 2003: I Long For Uncle Elmer
Smackdown Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Tingley Coliseum, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s time for a new year with a special live show. The big deal tonight is the wedding between Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, which should hopefully be a big step towards finally ending this stupid storyline. The thing won’t go away and unfortunately it’s going towards another Torrie vs. Dawn match. Let’s get to it.
A narrated opening video talks about Brock Lesnar making his return to the ring tonight. Another voice talks about the wedding, which really does seem to be the bigger deal.
Opening sequence, which includes several shots of Stephanie.
Here are John Cena and Bull Buchanan to rap about Rikishi being fat.
John Cena vs. Rikishi
Rikishi punches him down to start as it’s very weird to see Cena in wrestling boots with the (khaki) shorts. Cena gets thrown outside for a bit, followed by a legdrop for two back inside. Buchanan offers a cheap shot on the floor and Cena takes over as Cole says we’ll start the Royal Rumble participants next week. Those are always fun, even if the show is old. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Rikishi fights up with a Faarooq spinebuster. The referee is with Buchanan though, meaning Rikishi has to beat him up too. Cena shoves the referee away and rolls Rikishi up (with Rikishi’s feet in the ropes) for the pin.
Rating: D. The match was nothing to see but the result is the right call. I’ve complained for months about Rikishi being pushed far too strong so it’s nice to see him finally lose a match to someone, even in a bit of a weak finish. Either way, it’s a good thing to see Cena getting a win as the raps are getting more entertaining week after week.
Rikishi beats them up post match.
Here’s Dawn Marie, in her wedding dress, with something to say. She’s going to be getting married tonight because she’s such a beautiful bride. Oh and she’ll do it without clothes. No, she won’t.
Stephanie is in the back and goes into Dawn’s locker room to say she can’t be married without any clothes on. So she’s stopping a woman from taking off her clothes but is also stopping a heel from doing what she wants. As usual, I have no idea what Stephanie is supposed to be. Repercussions are promised but Dawn hints that she’ll do it anyway.
Chuck Palumbo vs. Bill DeMott
DeMott runs him over to start and shrugs off a clothesline. A screaming splash in the corner keeps Palumbo in trouble as Cole talks about Bill wanting to step up in WWE. Chuck’s comeback is cut off by a shot to the back of the head. That goes so well that they do the same thing again, followed by DeMott hitting a reverse DDT for the pin. Was there really anything wrong with the powerbomb or moonsault?
Rating: D. So is this DeMott push going anywhere? I mean, I can’t imagine that it will but it would be nice to tease that it’s going to instead of just doing the squash matches over and over. At least they let him stop beating up cruiserweights and went with someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by the loss.
Undertaker is coming back at the Royal Rumble. Every clip of him in this video is the Deadman version.
Billy Kidman (who I had almost forgotten was Cruiserweight Champion) runs into Torrie Wilson for the patented awkward conversation. They talk about the wedding and Kidman acts it out for some reason. So he’s making fun of her father and reminding Torrie that her dad is marrying someone she hates.
Kurt Angle isn’t worried about who Chris Benoit picks to face Team Angle tonight because he’ll still be champion after the Royal Rumble. This place is about wrestling and the three of them are the best in the world. If Benoit ever did wrestle in college, it was probably at the University of Saskatchewan and he couldn’t even make the practice squad.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman
Non-title again and Eddie has gotten one heck of a haircut. Eddie gets monkey flipped to start so he snaps off a fall away slam into a bridge for two. We hit an armbar as Cena and Buchanan come out to say he’s about to crack the Guerreros and make huevos rancheros. After a few Taco Bell jokes, Chavo goes after Buchanan in the ring and a fight breaks out.
Rikishi comes in for the save and is taken away as we take a break. Back with Rikishi still being held back, Chavo and Buchanan ejected, Cena on commentary talking about how he’s harder than ring tones and Eddie hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A Gory Stretch into a spinning powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eddie backdrops him to the floor and Cena threatens to hit Cole in, what sounded like, his foolbox.
Kidman fights out of a sleeper but takes too long going up top and gets superplexed right back down. The Frog Splash misses though and Kidman hits the BK Bomb for two. A high crossbody gives Kidman two but they ram heads in the corner, allowing Cena to hit Eddie in the head with the chain. Kidman didn’t see it and hits the Shooting Star for the pin.
Rating: B-. It looks like they’re trying to turn Los Guerreros face, which they would be due to how strong they’ve been recently anyway, but I’m not sure if it’s the best move to just change them up this fast. At least Kidman finally won something, even though that Cruiserweight Title means less and less every single week. As usual, Kidman has shown he can hang with heavyweights but is apparently on top of the nothing division an in way over his head anywhere else.
Video on Brock Lesnar.
WAY too long package on the buildup to the wedding. As I’ve mentioned many times, I still have no idea why this is a bad thing for Al.
It’s wedding time. Al comes out looking like he’s trying to look classy in Hawaii, Dawn is in her dress and the minister sounds like Slick. We hit the objection line and Dawn does indeed object. She wanted to take everything off but instead strips to her underwear. The thing is no one ever said AL couldn’t be married sans clothing so let’s take a long time stripping him as well. With a straight on camera shot of Al in briefs, they’re married and Al is kissed to the ground. That’s it. No angle, no Torrie, no interruption. Just a wedding and that’s it. This has been a major waste of your time.
Chris Benoit/??? vs. Team Angle
Benoit can pick any partner he wants and one of the big drawing points of this show has been the return of Brock Lesnar. We also saw a video on Lesnar and Brock has issues with Angle. Therefore, the partner is Edge. Not a bad choice but not exactly where the signs were pointing.
Benoit and Haas get things going with Chris running him over a few times and handing it off to Shelton. That means a quick Crossface before it’s off to Edge to stomp away in the corner. Haas offers a distraction from the apron though and Team Angle takes over for the first time…..in their careers I guess.
Shelton gets two off a suplex and it’s off to the chinlock. A cheap shot from Angle sets up the first suplex from Haas for two. Charlie drapes Edge over the ropes so Shelton can jump over his back and land on Edge. Eh the Beverly Brothers already did it. We hit the Haas of Pain but Benoit makes a quick save.
The half nelson faceplant drops Shelton and the hot tag brings in Benoit to clean house. The suplexes are unleashed and Benoit nails the Swan Dive to Shelton for two. Everything breaks down with Team Angle taking stereo rolling German suplexes until Angle pulls Edge outside. Benoit Crossfaces Shelton, drawing Angle in for the DQ.
Rating: C+. I would have given Team Angle some more offense though they certainly didn’t look weak. The DQ finish protects Benoit and keeps the new team looking strong enough. All that matters here is that Angle now has some backup and hopefully we can keep him FAR away from Big Show.
Angle beats up Tony Chimmel until he announces Team Angle as the winners.
Post break, Paul Heyman is in the ring to brag about how awesome his clients are. That brings him to Lesnar, and it’s time for Big Show. Heyman gets right to the point: he wants Big Show vs. Lesnar with the winner going into the Royal Rumble and the loser being left out. Since it’s Heyman, this takes a lot longer than it needs to. Cue Lesnar but Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore jump him from behind with a chair. One shot busts Brock open BAD from the back of his head as the villains run off.
Dawn and Al, still in their underwear, go to the limo. You mean they haven’t left yet? Anyway, they have a camera to film their honeymoon.
Crash vs. Nunzio
Josh Matthews has replaced Chimmel as ring announcer and looks even dumber than usual. Crash comes in with a high crossbody for two and then the opening bell rings. That’s not the most competent referee. Nunzio goes after the arm with a quick armbar and something like a Stunner onto the arm. A rollup gives Crash two but the kickout sends his shoulder into the post. The DDT on the arm (flying armbar) is good enough to give Nunzio the pin.
Matt gives Shannon a pep talk.
Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock is in a t-shirt and workout pants. Matt, who always stays awake until sunrise on New Year’s Eve, tries to have Shannon get in some cheap shots but the still bloody Brock cleans house anyway. A great looking backbreaker sets up a belly to belly, followed by some powerslams into the corner. Shannon’s distraction works as well as you would expect though it does allow Matt to hit a Side Effect. That just earns him a belly to belly, followed by Shannon being thrown on top of Matt. A release F5 plants Moore but Brock walks into the Twist of Fate for two. The F5 finishes Matt a few seconds later.
Rating: D+. It’s very fun to watch Lesnar destroy people like they’re not even there and if he can do two at once, that’s even better. It was entertaining and a good use of Matt and Shannon, both of whom will be over again as soon as Matt does another over the top promo about how awesome Mattitude really is.
Show comes out for the staredown, earning Matt another F5 to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The wrestling in the middle helps but so much of this show was dominated by the wedding nonsense. Dawn Marie is good looking but she is nowhere near enough to save this story. I still don’t know why it’s still going but I’m sure we’ll be seeing another big part of it next week, eventually leading to Dawn vs. Torrie again.
Other than that we had Bill DeMott and Rikishi getting featured spots. They’re building some acts up (Los Guerreros, Cena, Team Angle) and that can lead them to a lot of good places in the future. This wasn’t a horrible show but there’s no way around that wedding, which ate up more than almost any given match. I’m sure it’s a Vince thing but this is the funniest thing he can get behind?
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Main Event – June 1, 2017: This Is Your Life Wasn’t THAT Bad
Main Event Date: June 1, 2017
Location: Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Corey Graves
For the first time in a good while, I’m getting to the point where I don’t quite know what to expect from this show. They’ve actually mixed things up a bit in recent weeks and that’s been the best idea they could have had. I’m not saying the show is good yet but at least it’s easier to sit through. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Drew Gulak vs. Lince Dorado
Dorado starts fast with some kicks to the face and something like a springboard headlock takedown. Drew is smart enough to hide behind the referee to get in a shot to the throat and take over. It’s off to the arm with Gulak cranking on the chin for good measure. One heck of a clothesline drops Dorado again and we hit a regular chinlock. Dorado comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but hurts his knee and the match is actually called off at 4:40.
Rating: D+. The injury hurts things but you have to assume that Gulak was going to win anyway. Hopefully Dorado isn’t out long term as he’s perfectly fine for a face jobber in the division. Gulak has found his groove in this character and hopefully he can take it somewhere instead of just doing the same bits over and over.
From Raw!
Here’s Alexa Bliss with a table of stuff and some random people for This is Your Life Bayley. Bliss talks about the kendo stick hanging in the corner, which Bayley would probably try to hug instead of use on her. Now it’s off to the table, which includes Bayley’s first doll, which she still plays with. Then we have a trophy for best in sportsmanship. Bliss also has Bayley’s yearbook where she was voted most likely to apologize.
That’s enough for the table of stuff though so let’s move on to the guests, starting with Mrs. Flapper, Bayley’s fourth grade teacher. Apparently Bayley had perfect attendance and sat next to her father, who she just couldn’t be away from without crying. Then we have Bayley’s best friend Tracy, who says Bayley was the nicest girl in the world. The problem was Bayley let people take advantage of her by taking the fall for them or doing their homework. Then something happened and they stopped talking. Bayley wanted to watch wrestling instead of going out and doing anything else.
Bliss finds this hilarious we have Bayley’s ex-boyfriend Phil, who said their first date was ok but kind of strange. Her dad was there every single time, including the time they almost had their first kiss. Phil didn’t really like her though because he just wanted to get closer to Tracy. She liked him too so they kiss, which Bliss deems disgusting. Cue the real Bayley to clean house, including going up to grab the stick. Bliss cuts her off though and pulls out a second stick to give Bayley a beating. This was a long segment but Bliss sold it as she can do so well. The joke got old in a hurry more than once but at least they kept it moving fast enough.
We see a few minutes of Samoa Joe vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor from Monday.
Heath Slater/Rhyno vs. Bo Dallas/Curt Hawkins
Is there any show Hawkins isn’t on (not a bad thing)? Rhyno and Hawkins get things going with the fans going nuts for Rhyno again. Some early shoulders stagger Hawkins and it’s time for some cheese to go with those crackers. Slater comes in and works on the arm for a bit and Dallas gets some of the same. A little double teaming sends Slater outside though and we take a break.
Back with Dallas driving knees into Slater’s back and grabbing a cravate. Hawkins comes back in for a chinlock of his own as the fans want Rhyno. A kick to the face is enough to grant the fans’ wish and it’s time to clean house. Everything breaks down and Rhyno TKO’s Hawkins for two. The spinebuster puts Dallas away at 10:48.
Rating: C. Is there a reason Slater and Rhyno aren’t on Raw? They might not be the best team in the world but they’re a perfectly serviceable face team and the fans are always going to be behind Rhyno. Then again that’s asking WWE to be able to handle two face teams at once and you know that’s not going to happen.
We’ll wrap it up here.
Seth Rollins says he’ll win.
Roman Reigns says he’ll win.
Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
They circle each other to start with the fans being almost one sided behind Rollins. Reigns throws him around and stares Rollins down. Some big forearms send Rollins outside but he hits the jumping knee, followed by a clothesline over the top. A dive takes us to a break with a good deal of time left.
Back with Rollins being sent into the barricade, right in front of a good number of empty first and second row seats. Reigns hits the corner clotheslines but the Superman Punch is pretty easily blocked. Rollins springboards into the Superman Punch for two but it’s too early for the spear. Instead Rollins hits the low superkick for two of his own, only to have Reigns no sell the Buckle Bomb and hit another Superman Punch.
They head outside with Reigns going shoulder first into the steps, setting up a Blockbuster for another two. That great looking frog splash is still only good for a near fall but Rollins misses the third Phoenix Splash of the night. An enziguri sets up the windup knee but Reigns spears him down for the pin at 18:22.
Rating: B-. As is the case in the tag match (albeit to a better degree), the match was good but nothing we haven’t seen several times before. I know the idea is that Reigns has the momentum heading into Sunday, though it’s really hard to buy the idea that he’s getting the title shot at some nothing show in July instead of in his fourth Wrestlemania main event in a row. Good main event, but people really didn’t seem to care.
Overall Rating: C-. I know this goes against the common opinion but I really didn’t think This Is Your Life was that bad. Sure the thing at the end with the actors kissing was dumb but the rest was fine with Alexa being such an awesome heel that it can never be completely bad. The rest of the show was your usual weak effort in a dead time for the show but that’s Money in the Bank season for you.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here: