Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show where you can really see the next generation rising up. The main events other than the Rumble are Lesnar vs. Holly and HBK vs. HHH. Ok so maybe the next generation only comes up in the Rumble. Other than that we don’t have much going on here but this show is all about Benoit in the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn vs. HHH because that’s what people are watching the ROYAL RUMBLE for right? The theme of the video is that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

There’s an empty seat for Mick Foley in the front row.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

We recap the battle of the Guerreros. Eddie was clearly the bigger star which was fine while they were champions, but once they lost the belts to the Bashams, Chavo blamed Eddie and turned on his uncle for losing his title. The Guerreros almost made up but they lost the rematch, after which Chavo let Eddie get double teamed by the Bashams. This was actually a pretty solid story despite how basic it was. Sometimes less is more. Oh and Kurt Angle was playing peacemaker and Chavo Guerrero Senior is in his son’s corner.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo bails to the floor before the bell and the fans are totally behind Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Chavo slaps Eddie in the face and now we’re ready to go. We hit the mat for a bit before Eddie starts snapping off chops in the corner. Chavo shoulders him down and we have a standoff. They chop it out again and Eddie goes to the eye like a true Guerrero.

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Ad for Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. That’s the most entertaining part of the show so far.

Benoit likes his odds even though he’s #1 in the Rumble. Evolution comes up and says Orton is going to win the Rumble. Flair says Benoit may be great, but this is about Evolution tonight.

We recap Hardcore Holly vs. Lesnar. Brock broke Holly’s neck (legit) and Holly gets a world title shot out of it a year later. This is the textbook definition of the Rumble title shot where no one buys the champion as being in any danger whatsoever.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly jumps Lesnar in the aisle and sends him into the post because he wants to break Lesnar’s neck. We get a bell and Holly misses an elbow off the top to give Brock control. They head to the floor where Holly’s back is rammed into the apron and Lesnar hooks a reverse body vice back inside. That goes nowhere so Brock hits a Shell Shock for two and it’s right back to the hold.

We shift to a bearhug and then one of the most wicked overhead belly to belly suplexes you’ll ever see. Off to a kind of rear naked choke by Lesnar to keep things dull. Holly makes his comeback with the dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam but goes for a full nelson and revenge instead of the title. Holly hooks the hold and goes to the floor with it but has to break the count. The F5 hits a few seconds later to complete the inevitable.

Rating: D. This was Brock Lesnar defending the world title against Hardcore Holly on pay per view. If you can’t figure out why this got the rating it got, I can’t help you.

We recap HHH vs. HBK which is allegedly seven years in the making. I’m guessing THIS is supposed to be the FINAL blowoff to their feud instead of the classic in 2002.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is defending and this is a last man standing match. They chop it out to start and punch each other in the corner a lot. Shawn tries a backslide before realizing that makes no sense here, so it’s back to the chops. Michaels gets caught in a facebuster as things slow down a bit. A HARD whip into the corner has Shawn’s back in trouble and a backbreaker makes it even worse.

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Back in and Shawn counters a Pedigree with a backdrop to the floor but he injures his back in the process. Shawn tries a springboard cross body to the floor but crashes through the table instead as only he can. Instead of letting the now busted open Shawn get counted out, HHH throws him back in for the count, which reaches seven. The champ pounds Shawn down a few times for a few counts, most of which don’t get that far.

A fast spinebuster (literally, as Shawn was flying at HHH and it almost looked like a belly to belly instead of a spinebuster) gets about six. That’s the problem with most last man standing matches: it’s a big move then standing around for the count. That makes it very hard to get any kind of flow going to the match. HHH cracks Shawn in the back with a chair but Shawn gets up again. A Pedigree onto the chair is countered into a slingshot into the post, busting HHH open as well.

Now Shawn cracks HHH in the head with a chair, allowing HHH to do his weird “my head hurts and I’m not sure where I am” face. There’s the forearm followed by the nipup from Shawn, followed by an atomic drop and the top rope elbow. That gets about seven so Shawn tunes up the band, only to walk into a low blow to put both guys down. Shawn hooks a sleeper which eventually gets an eight count before walking into a DDT to put both guys down.

That gets a double eight count before we head to the corner. HHH tries a belly to back superplex but Shawn counters into a cross body for another double eight count. The Pedigree hits but it’s only good for a nine. Shawn pops up out of nowhere with some more Sweet Chin Music, putting both guys down for ten which keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. The problem here is exactly what I said earlier: this was a lot of laying around. The last seven minutes or so had about five moves combined, as most of the match was “move, lay down, move, lay down, move, lay down.” The idea is supposed to be a ton of drama, but that didn’t happen here. Shawn would turn into a jerk in the next few weeks and insert himself in the Mania main event because of this ending.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

The Fink is ready to start the Rumble but here’s Bischoff to run his mouth. He says that a Raw guy is going to win the Rumble because he’s respected as a GM. He runs down ECW, which brings out Heyman for a brawl. Cue Austin on his ATV to say that these two are both in violation of the law (he was called Sheriff Austin at this point) and wants to know who started it. Heyman and Bischoff: “HE DID!” Both guys get Stunners and the fans love it.

Goldberg, #30 in the Rumble, doesn’t get to talk because Lesnar comes in to interrupt him. Lesnar is called a coward, which will come into play later.

JR has to admit Foley is a coward because he isn’t here yet.

Royal Rumble

Benoit is #1 and the Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton is #2. Two minute intervals here again. They pound away on each other to start with Benoit taking him to the mat to stomp away. Mark Henry is #3 when he was a fat power guy with no direction at all. Allow me to be more specific: he’s still with Teddy Long. Benoit gets double teamed for awhile until Tajiri is #4. These intervals don’t seem to be two minutes or anywhere close to it.

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Rhyno is #6 as we’re flying through this so far. He goes after the two starters as Tajiri fires off kicks on Henry. Tajiri gets a half Tarantula on Henry but Henry gets Gored, knocking Tajiri out in the process. Benoit clotheslines Henry out and we’re down to three again. Matt Hardy is #7 and Benoit throws him to the apron almost immediately. In FAR less than two minutes, here’s Scott Steiner at #8. Oh dear it’s Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble. This could be a disaster.

He starts firing off suplexes immediately but at least this time there are some t-bones to go with the belly to bellies. Benoit rolls some Germans on him as if to say THIS IS HOW YOU SUPLEX SOMEBODY. Things slow down a bit and here’s Matt Morgan at #9. He takes Benoit down with a Batista Bomb takes Benoit down and pounds away on Orton in the corner.

The Hurricane is #10 and comes in off the top with a cross body to Hardy. He goes after Morgan for no apparent reason and is thrown out in less than twenty seconds. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron again but can’t get him out. Booker T, complete with the stupid remix of his theme music with Booker singing, is #11. Booker immediately goes after Steiner in a revisiting of their WCW feud that no one was asking for.

Nothing of note happens until Kane is #12. This is after he buried Taker alive. For the first time. Steiner gets dumped by Booker during Kane’s entrance. Kane starts firing off chokeslams and other various power moves for which he is well known. The clock runs down at #13 and there go the lights. A gong goes off and Kane PANICS. Booker uses the distraction to dump Kane and here’s Spike Dudley at #13. He never makes it to the ring as Kane destroys him for setting off the gong.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

A-Train is #16 and goes right for Rikishi. Benoit avoids the yet to be named Carbon Footprint and dumps Morgan. I love that they’re keeping the ring from getting full. Orton dumps Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin is #17. Benoit dumps A-Train during his entrance and Orton dumps Shelton a few seconds later to get us back to two. Orton pounds on him a bit but they crack heads to put both guys down.

Lamont, the announcer for Ernest Miller (complete with the music that would go to Brodus Clay eight years later), runs out to introduce the Cat at #18. After some dancing (and singing by Tazz), Orton dumps him out. Miller would be released in like two weeks. Kurt Angle is #19 and he might be a bit harder to get out. He’s fighting for AMERICA here so the fans tell him he sucks.

Benoit and Angle destroy each other with chops and punches as only they can while Orton is content to chill in the corner. Rico, now in his Adrian Street phase, is #20. He fires off some kicks but lasts about as long as you would expect him to in a match with Orton, Angle and Benoit. The RKO takes care of Rico as Benoit rolls a ton of Germans on Angle. Test is #21…..and is nowhere in sight.

Orton RKO’s Angle and we cut to the back to see Test unconscious. Austin sees someone off camera and says they’re #21. The off camera man and presumable attacker: MICK FREAKING FOLEY! Orton, the guy who spat in Foley’s face and called him a coward, PANICS. The place goes nuts and Foley explodes on Orton, beating him half to death and hitting a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them out. This would lead to some AWESOME matches at Mania and Backlash which put Orton up to the world title in August.

Foley keeps beating on Orton as Christian is #22. Mick picks up the steps and BLASTS a security guy who tries to stop him. Orton comes back with two chair shots and fires back at Mick. They brawl up the ramp and Foley pulls out Socko, only to put it on Nunzio who comes in at #23. We haven’t seen anything of the match for awhile but I can live with that for a hot brawl like this. Orton kicks Foley low and runs as we go back to the ring.

Angle is getting double teamed as Nunzio is down on the floor. Big Show is #24 and apparently that’s Tazz’s pick. Thankfully he’s in the singlet and shorts again instead of the one piece swimsuit. Angle immediately goes after him but Show throws everyone around. Jericho is #25 as he’s in a weird phase of his career. He wasn’t a main event guy anymore but he had feuded with everyone in the midcard already so he just kind of hung around and filled in spots on the card.

All four guys go after Big Show (who has a head like a typewriter according to Tazz) but they can’t get him out. Charlie Haas is #26 but gets double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Currently we have Benoit, Angle, Jericho, Christian, Haas, Big Show and Nunzio who is on the floor. Jericho backdrops Christian out for the second year in a row as Billy Gunn is #27. Apparently this is a return for him. It’s Fameassers all around and then things slow down again.

John Cena is #28 and that pop is growing at an alarming rate. Show stares him down so Cena throws Nunzio in to kill some time. Nunzio goes after Show for some reason but Cena takes over for him to make it fair. RVD is #29 to a big pop of his own. It’s spin kicks all around until things settle down a bit. There’s an FU to Angle and Goldberg is #30. The final group: Benoit, Angle, Big Show, Jericho, Nunzio, Haas, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. At least the ring didn’t fill up until the end so that’s not too bad.

Goldie spears a lot of people down to start before Nunzio jumps on his back like an idiot. Haas is put out and Nunzio takes a HUGE spear. Gunn is out as is Nunzio to get us down to seven. Goldberg loads up a Jackhammer on Show but Lesnar runs in with an F5 to break it up. Goldberg stares down Brock, allowing Angle to dump him out. All five remaining guys not named Big Show go after the one named Big Show but it still doesn’t work.

Everyone hits their finishers on Show instead with Cena (Show’s feud at the time) hitting the Shuffle instead of the FU, which I’m assuming they were saving for Mania. They try to dead lift Show and realize they screwed up by knocking a giant unconscious. Show shoves them all off and dumps Cena followed by Van Dam a few seconds later.

So it’s Big Show, Benoit, Angle and Jericho as the final four. Jericho gets sent to the apron twice and manages to hang on before bulldogging Show down. The Walls go on Show and he taps but Angle breaks the hold up for no apparent reason. Show chokeslams Benoit down but chokeslams Jericho even further, sending him to the floor to get us to three. A side slam puts Angle down and there’s another chokeslam to Benoit.

Show breaks up a German attempt from Angle but can’t block an Angle Slam. There’s a Slam to Benoit (it was a belly to back suplex but whatever) and the ankle lock to Show. Show taps again, but again it doesn’t mean anything. The big guy rolls through the hold and eliminates Angle in the process, getting us down to two.

Benoit dropkicks Show but knocks him back into the ring by mistake. A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface and Show taps again, but you know the drill by now. Show shrugs it off and picks Benoit up in a chokeslam. Benoit graps a front chancery though and pulls Show to the apron….then has him teetering on the ropes…..AND BENOIT WINS! The crowd kept getting louder as Benoit pulled further and further. Awesome sequence there.

Rating: A. There were some slow spots but this was ALL about Benoit and I can’t complain about that at all. The ending sequence here with all three submission guys making Show tap was a cool idea and different than the ending to any other Rumble. They didn’t throw a stupid curve here and made Benoit look like a star here, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Great Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is really REALLY good but the rest is horrible. Don’t watch the rest of the show, but if you’re a Benoit fan and can still sit through a long match of his, this is absolutely required viewing. Things would change a bit more the next year as two REALLY big names would be the stars of the Rumble, but that’s not for another year. For now, this was all about Benoit and he nailed it.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

To say a lot has changed in the last year is a huge understatement. We have the Brand Split now and there are two world titles. That brings us to the part of this show that is most remembered: the world title matches. We have HHH defending the Raw Title in one of the worst matches ever, followed by Angle defending the Smackdown Title in one of the best matches ever. Also Brock Lesnar is here and has taken Smackdown by storm. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect it to be: thirty men wanting to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The loser is out of the Rumble. Big Show has Heyman with him, which I’m sure makes him the best wrestler EVER right? Show won the title from Lesnar at Survivor Series after Heyman turned on Brock in one of those matches where they were backed into a corner out of their own stupidity. Show shoves him around to start so Brock snaps off a belly to belly suplex to fire up the crowd.

There’s a second suplex and Show is in trouble early. Lesnar loads up a third but Show grabs him by the throat and shoves him to the floor. Show throws Lesnar around the ring which looks awesome when you consider Brock is a massive dude. Lesnar avoids a charge in the corner and hits a release German suplex for two.

A big boot slows Brock down and a side slam looks to set up the chokeslam. Brock kind of rolls through it into a two count, followed by another belly to belly. Heyman gets dragged in but Show saves him from an F5. The chokeslam gets two as Heyman is losing his mind. Show gets rammed into Heyman and the F5 sends Brock to the Rumble.

Rating: C+. As intricate as modern wrestling has become, there’s something to be said about having two big guys get out there and throw each other around for five minutes. The power displays here made the fans gasp which is the right idea. At the end of the day, wrestling is a spectacle and having larger than life characters doing larger than life things is a surefire idea. This wasn’t so much good as it was fun, which is the right choice for an opener.

Jericho says he’ll win the Rumble.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending and Regal is STILL doing the brass knuckles thing. Storm and Ray get things going with Lance working on the arm, only to get powered down with ease. Bubba hits one of his LOUD chops in the corner and takes Storm down with a kind of chokebomb. In something I’ve never seen him do otherwise, Bubba hooks a standing Figure Four. Actually I can’t think of anyone who has ever used that.

Off to D-Von for a dropkick (what’s gotten into the Dudleys tonight?) and here’s Regal to get slammed down immediately. The champs double team D-Von down and we get into the standard tag team formula. Storm takes D-Von to the mat and it’s off to Regal for a front facelock. Lance comes back in with a cravate into a sleeper as this continues to meander along.

D-Von rolls Storm away and makes the tag to Bubba who speeds things up. The guy has emotion if nothing else. A big running splash in the corner crushes both champions and a side slam gets two on Storm. The American hits a German on the Canadian for two, followed by a spear to the Englishman. The Bubba Bomb gets two on Lance and Regal takes What’s Up. A double flapjack (stupid fans: “3D!”) gets two on Storm and here’s Chief of Staff Sean Morely. Regal finds the brass knuckles but walks into the 3D. D-Von hits Storm with the knuckles for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This didn’t work for me. It felt like a Raw match that was trying to be a PPV match but never got near the hump they were trying to get over. The ending was stupid on top of that, as they had Regal beaten with the 3D, so why use the knuckles? Also it didn’t help that Bubba single handedly beat up the tag champions for about two minutes straight. Bad match.

Lawler on that match: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” What is WITH the announcers and their similies/metaphors in this company?

Nathan Jones is coming. Oh geez.

We recap the Torrie vs. Dawn feud. This is one of those stories where you look at it in awe and wonder what they were thinking. Dawn Marie (a gorgeous Diva) fell in love with and married Torrie’s fifty something year old dad Al Wilson, then screwed him to death (literally) on their honeymoon. There was some lesbianism (as in kissing on screen and unfilmed other stuff) involved which was there to tease the audience and wasn’t bad at all. This is supposed to be a stepmother vs. stepdaughter match. Again, I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn comes to the ring in a veil because she’s in mourning. Torrie gets blasted in the face to start before spearing Dawn down and things get sloppy. Marie tries an armbar because we need some wrestling in this I guess. Torrie gets beaten on for a bit until they collide and hit the mat. Dawn hits a springboard spinning clothesline for no cover, giving us the highlight of the match. Torrie hits a neckbreaker out of nowhere for the win.

Rating: D-. Anything with these two in those outfits can’t be considered a failure, but at the end of the day, there is no real defending this match in the slightest. It was HORRIBLE and the story was borderline insulting to my intelligence, but the girls looked good and I guess that was the whole point. Why not just have a regular match if you want to is beyond me, but it’s 2003 so what do you expect?

Stephanie seems to hit on some young guy in the back when Eric comes up to trade some weak trash talk. They’re both GM’s at this point. Stephanie has a bombshell for Smackdown which would wind up being Hogan. They argue over money or blood being more important and nothing goes anywhere. That young guy by the way? Randy Orton.

House show ads, including one for 7pm on a Monday night.

Sean O’Haire as the Devil’s Advocate promo. Sweet goodness this could have been HUGE.

Nathan Jones is STILL coming. Seriously did we need that twice in 30 minutes?

We recap HHH vs. Scott Steiner as I begin to take deep breaths. HHH was giving a promo about how awesome he was when Steiner interrupted and demanded a title shot. This led to a series of contests like pushups and bench presses which went nowhere. Note that Steiner hadn’t actually had a match in WWE up to this point. I wonder why.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

HHH has red trunks on here for some reason. He mixed them up every now and then and rarely did the other colors work. Stick with basic black Game. Hebner brings them to the middle for instructions which is ultra rare stuff. Steiner wins an early slugout and pounds on the champion in the corner. A gorilla press sends HHH to the floor and Steiner pounds away with those weird looking overhand punches of his.

Steiner suplexes him back in for two and works on the back some more. An elbow to the face puts HHH down and there’s an appropriate Boston Crab. HHH powers out of it and hits the facebuster but Steiner no sells it. There’s a bear hug which is quickly broken but Steiner snaps off an overhead belly to belly (1) for two. Flair saves HHH from being put in the Steiner Recliner and Steiner charges into a boot in the corner to finally change the momentum.

We head to the floor again where Scott goes into the steps. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this so far but they’ve still got time to crank it up a bit. Flair chokes away with his jacket and HHH hits his second neckbreaker in about 30 seconds for two. Since we didn’t allido it properly the first time, Flair chokes away even more. A Pedigree attempt is countered into a slingshot into the buckle. Steiner looks like he’s going through labor.

An overhead suplex (2) puts HHH down and I kid you not: Steiner FALLS DOWN due to exhaustion. He’s clearly sucking wind and HHH didn’t touch him at all. Speaking of HHH, he counters a tombstone attempt into a….I think it was supposed to be the third neckbreaker in about 90 seconds but Steiner took it wrong, causing it to look like a cutter where he fell backwards instead of forwards. That gets two and the fans are starting to boo.

HHH is loudly calling spots to try to salvage this before he hits a vertical suplex. For no apparent reason he goes up and jumps into a belly to belly (3). Steiner can barely punch so he settles for some clotheslines. There’s an overhead belly to belly (4) and an overhead belly to belly (5) and an overhead belly to belly (6). The fans are openly booing Steiner now. His response? To hold HHH’s hair while HHH rams his own head into the buckles (seriously, Steiner clearly isn’t even pushing) and to hit a spinning belly to belly (7) for two and even more booing.

Steiner tries a butterfly powerbomb and literally falls backwards as he does it, causing HHH to land on Steiner’s knees. The fans groan at the sight of this so HHH goes up top to get superplexed down. He’s handing these spots to Steiner. THANKFULLY HHH tries to walk out but Steiner won’t have it, because WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING. Steiner blasts HHH with the belt to bust him open to try to get the fans to care but the match is long past salvageable at this point.

Back in and Steiner hits ANOTHER belly to belly (8), causing the fans to get MAD. They’re not annoyed, they’re not wanting a new champion, they want Steiner to get out of their ring now. HHH tries to get counted out but Steiner goes after him AGAIN. Back in and Steiner does the pushups to tick off the fans even more as Flair is BEGGING the referee to stop the match.

Now HHH throws the referee to the floor but HEBNER WON’T STOP IT. I mean he pulls his arm up to ring the bell but stops and says keep it going. Steiner hits the NINTH belly to belly suplex (9) of the match for two so HHH hits him low and grabs a fast rollup for two. HHH finally gives up and hits Steiner with the sledgehammer for the DQ.

Rating: H. As in HHH, who I feel sorry for here. Now everyone knows I’m no fan of the guy in 2003, but he was in a HORRIBLE situation here. HHH was trying to keep this a coherent match, but Steiner was beyond worthless here, causing the match to sink to levels far below what any other main event “talent” would be capable of. After about seven minutes (out of eighteen), Steiner stopped doing anything resembling trying to have a match and was just doing suplexes.

Remember that back stuff he did at the beginning? Completely forgotten. Did you see him try his finisher? Not even once. He somehow managed a belly to belly suplex every two minutes, despite being on defense for a good third of the match. This was absolutely horrible and quite possibly the worst world title match I can EVER remember, which is covering a lot of ground.

Post match, Steiner beats up HHH and Flair with the hammer, which gets SYMPATHY from the fans. HHH is getting SYMPATHY from a crowd. Think about that for a minute. And what’s worse: THEY HAD A REMATCH! Oh and there’s the Steiner Recliner to absolutely nothing positive from the crowd at all. Bischoff has to come get Steiner off HHH.

We cut to Cole and Tazz and even MICHAEL FREAKING COLE has a look on his face as if to say “WOW that was an abomination.”

We recap Benoit vs. Angle. Angle won the title from Big Show at Armageddon thanks to Lesnar before revealing that he hired Paul Heyman to be his new manager. Heyman said anyone could get a shot other than Brock Lesnar and brought in Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) to protect Kurt during a knee injury. Benoit won a title shot over Big Show to set this up.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Team Angle is immediately ejected to make sure it’s one on one. Benoit grabs a headlock to start before trying the Sharpshooter to send Angle to the floor. Back in and Angle goes for the ankle but gets dropkicked away. Benoit grabs a kind up reverse Figure Four but Angle grabs the rope. This is all holds/counter holds so far. Benoit gets sent shoulder first into the post followed by an Angle suplex for two.

They chop it out with Benoit taking over and hitting a reverse clothesline to take Angle down. Angle drops Benoit across the top rope but gets guillotined down by the Canadian. They head to the apron with Benoit DDTing him down onto the side of the ring. The champion has a busted nose now. Back in and the Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls out of the Angle Slam. There’s the Sharpshooter to Angle who eventually gets to a rope. A belly to back suplex gets two for Chris but Angle snaps off an overhead belly to belly (just one so far).

Back to the floor where Benoit gets dropped onto the barricade to further mess with his head. Off to a rear naked choke back inside so Kurt can overly loudly call some spots. Angle catches Benoit in another belly to belly followed by a belly to back for two. Back to the chinlock for a bit until a double clothesline puts both guys down. Benoit rolls some Germans but so does Angle. And people wonder why their necks were held together by tape.

Benoit gets the final German but Angle runs the ropes to hit the belly to belly off the top to put both guys down. That gets two but the Angle Slam is countered into the Crossface. Angle gets the rope, so Benoit shifts to an ankle lock. Angle reverses into one of his own and now Benoit is in trouble. Benoit goes to kick off but instead grabs another Crossface. Kurt counters into a rollup but Benoit put the Crossface on the other (right) arm this time. Angle stands up and hits the Angle Slam but can’t immediately cover.

Angle takes the straps down but another German attempt is countered into a rollup for two. They trade HARD Germans until Benoit hooks a release German to put both guys down. Before anyone asks, the difference between this and the previous match with the suplexes is how hard these are. Steiner looked like he was at a dance recital but here they look like they’re trying to kill one another. Not to mention there’s OTHER STUFF in between the suplexes.

Benoit hits the longest diving headbutt you’ll EVER see, but he can’t cover because of his head getting jarred like that. Angle counters the Crossface into a reverse powerbomb onto the buckle. The Angle Slam gets a VERY close two as the crowd is losing their minds. Back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. Benoit rolls over but can’t break the hold. He kicks Kurt off but Angle goes right back to the hold. Benoit keeps trying to kick him off but Angle hooks the grapevine and Benoit has to tap.

Rating: A+. That’s your match of the year right there people. Oh wait according to Meltzer there was some match in Japan that no one but him ever saw and that has to be better than this right? Anyway, these two DESTROYED each other with some absolutely amazing counters and awesome sequences out there while suplexing the tar out of each other. This both guy’s best match ever, and that’s saying A LOT.

Benoit gets a standing ovation, showing that he was ready to be world champion. Naturally that’s why he had to wait fifteen months to get the title, because the world was BEGGING for another Steiner match, the Nash feud with HHH, and the Goldberg run of doom. Ok Goldberg I can live with but the other two? Screw that.

Van Dam and Kane say they’ll knock each other out to win the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are two minutes if you listen to Fink and 90 seconds if you listen to JR. There are fifteen Raw guys and fifteen Smackdown guys this year which would be the norm for a few years to come. Shawn gets #1 and Jericho gets #2, but it’s Christian playing the role of Jericho at the entrance, allowing Jericho to sneak in from behind and jump Shawn. Jericho hits Shawn low and starts the beat down before getting a chair to crack Shawn open.

Chris Nowitski is #3 and he’s perfectly fine with letting Jericho maul Shawn. Jericho easily dumps Shawn, setting up their classic at Wrestlemania. Nowitski isn’t in the ring yet. Rey Mysterio (still pretty new here) is #4 as things speed up a lot. A springboard dropkick and rana take Jericho down but Nowitski gets in as well….or not as he slid back out. Rey escapes a gorilla press and dropkicks Jericho into the ropes, only to get jumped by Nowitski.

Edge is #5 for a big pop. He would have been world champion by summer if he hadn’t hurt his neck. Jericho is sent into the post and Nowitski is knocked down, allowing the two good guys to pound away on each other while both miss finishers. A springboard rana by Rey is countered into a sitout powerbomb and Christian is #6. He hugs his brother but Edge spears him down out of common sense. Nowitski tries to dump Edge and Rey but gets caught by a “double” dropkick (read as Mysterio hit him but Edge completely missed and landed on Chris after he was already down).

The Bronco Buster hits Nowitski and Chavo is #7. He immediately takes Rey down but gets caught in a 619. Rey drops the dime on Chavo and hits a 619 on Christian. He tries a springboard rana on Christian but lands on Nowitski and takes him to the floor in the process. Jericho puts Mysterio out, leaving us with Jericho, Edge, Christian and Chavo at the moment. You can add Tajiri at #8 to that list.

Christian gets the tar kicked out of him and Chavo gets put in a spinning backbreaker. Not bad for the first twenty seconds for Tajiri. Bill DeMott is #9 and no one cares. At this point, he had been a Tough Enough trainer and his gimmick was that the rookies had ticked him off so much that he was basically a sociopath. I’ve heard of worse. Tommy Dreamer is #10 and he brings some toys with him.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment. Edge gets in some kendo stick shots on DeMott for an elimination. Christian and Jericho hit Dreamer with trashcan lids in a modified Conchairto for another elimination. Tajiri elbows both guys down but tries the Tarantula on Jericho and gets dumped as a result. B2, as in Bull Buchanan as Cena’s ex-lackey, is #11. Edge knocks out Chavo as the ring is thinning out nicely.

Jericho gets sent over the top but skins the cat and pulls out Edge and Christian in the process. Jericho is busted open but he’s left all alone in the ring. RVD is #12 and man alive do the fans love him. They slug it out for a bit with Van Dam hitting a slingshot to send Jericho to the apron but not out. Matt Hardy (who strongly dislikes mustard) is #13. The heels (as in those not named RVD) double team the good guy (as in those named RVD) but Jericho is too weak to do much and Matt kind of sucks so Van Dam takes them down.

There’s a Five Star to Jericho and Eddie is #14. He pounds away on Van Dam as well and hits a Frog Splash of his own, only to walk into a Twist of Fate from Matt. Jeff Hardy is #15 and Matt tries an alliance, only to get kicked in the gut. Jeff throws Matt to the apron but Matt’s MF’er Shannon Moore prevents the elimination. There’s the Twist of Fate to Matt but Shannon covers up Matt from the Swanton. Jeff just dives on both of them and Rosey of 3 Minute Warning is #16.

Absolutely nothing of note happens here so Test with Stacy is #17. He cleans house until John Cena is #18 with a rap for us. He manages to rhyme “Explain it to ya” with Wrestlemania so I’m impressed. He spends forever rapping until Van Dam throws him inside. The ring is way too full again. After Cena is in the ring for about eight seconds, Charlie Haas is #19. Van Dam and Jeff slug it out until Jeff goes up top like an IDIOT and gets shoved out. He would burn out and leave the company in about three months anyway.

Eddie walks the buckles and hits a rana on Jericho as Rikishi is #20, giving us Jericho, Van Dam, Matt, Eddie, Rosey, Test, Cena, Haas and Rikishi. Again that’s too many people. Rosey and Rikishi square off but nothing happens. Instead they team up and beat up Matt and Shannon because they can, until Rosey clotheslines the heck out of Rikishi. Jamal of 3 Minute Warning (you know him better as Umaga) is #21.

Rikishi superkicks Jamal down almost immediately and there’s a Stinkface for him. Kane is #22 and I think we have eleven people in there at the moment. He cleans as much house as you can clean with that many people in there before FINALLY putting someone out in the form of Rosey. Jericho gets thrown to the apron but hangs on. Shelton Benjamin is #23 and Team Angle starts taking over. Booker T is #24 and we DESPERATELY need someone to clear some guys out.

Booker immediately kicks Kane down and fires up a Spinarooni to a BIG pop. Eddie gets backdropped out and Booker pounds on Rikishi. A-Train (Albert/Tensai) is #25 and the hometown boy gets to beat up a lot of people in a hurry. Shawn Michaels runs in with a bandage on his head and goes after Jericho, causing Test to dump Jericho out. See, that way it’s legal.

Maven from Tough Enough (finally with actual trunks) is #26. He goes right for Kane like an idiot and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Goldust is #27 and he barely makes it 45 seconds before Haas and Benjamin put him out. Booker goes off on Haas in the corner but gets thrown out by Team Angle as well. He would get the world title shot at HHH as a consolation prize.

Big Dave Batista is #28 and you can hear the fans react to him. The first guy he hits? John Cena. It’s always cool to see the future in there like that. Test takes him down with a full nelson slam but Batista low bridges him for the elimination. Batista takes down Rikishi with a spinebuster before clotheslining him out. At least the ring is clearing out a bit. Brock Lesnar is #29 and is the odds on favorite to win this thing.

Brock immediately eliminates Team Angle by himself before F5ing Matt on top of them. A-Train hits a bicycle kick to take Batista down as Undertaker is #30 to a big ovation. The final grouping: Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista, Lesnar and Undertaker. Drop Maven and A-Train and that’s a pretty stacked field. To the shock of no one paying attention, Taker is returning here. There’s a 9 hour DVD of matches and moments where Undertaker returns easily.

Taker punches everyone and dumps Cena and Jamal with ease. Maven dropkicks Taker in the back and celebrates, earning himself a chokeslam. The elimination is academic. A-Train hits the chokebomb on Taker to finally slow him down as Kane chokeslams Lesnar. Kane and Van Dam, the Raw tag champions, start teaming up to beat people up but A-Train takes them both down. Van Dam saves Kane from a backbreaker and the champs double clothesline Albert out.

Kane tells Van Dam to let him pick Van Dam up and drop him on Batista, but Kane turns (not heel) on Van Dam to throw RVD out. We’re down to Lesnar, Undertaker, Kane and Batista which is awesome by today’s standards. Taker and Lesnar have a showdown but the other two guys break it up. Taker pounds away on Batista in a preview of the feud of the year in 2007.

A big spinebuster puts Taker down and Lesnar fights off the two Raw (Batista/Kane) guys. There’s an F5 for Kane and NOW we get Taker vs. Brock. They slug it out and after Taker says big boot, he hits a big boot to take Brock’s head off. The F5 is escaped but there’s a tombstone for Brock. A clothesline casually puts Batista out to get us down to three. Taker teases an alliance with Kane but dumps him as well. He has to knock away an invading Batista and Brock dumps Undertaker to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: B-. Good but definitely not great Rumble here. You could see the next generation in the blocks but the problem is they were just that: the NEXT generation. Taker was the only possible winner here other than Brock and that’s a recipe for a bad Rumble. You need more than one candidate for the Rumble and as soon as Lesnar’s music hit, it was clear who was winning this.

Taker says go win the title but he wants the first shot. Brock says ok to end the show. Did we need that?

Overall Rating: C-. The problem with this show is that the excellent match on the card is brought down by the HORRENDOUS match just before it. The Rumble is good but it isn’t good enough to save an otherwise bad card. The show isn’t terrible, but it’s a sign of things to come for this year, especially with HHH on the Raw side. Not much to see here other than Benoit vs. Angle of course. HHH vs. Steiner is only worth seeing if you want to see a trainwreck.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

Redo: D

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Original: DD

Redo: D-

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

Redo: H (As in HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

I’m not sure what I was thinking the first time. The show just isn’t that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 2016
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re getting closer and closer to the Royal Rumble though now we’re missing John Cena who is out 6-9 months due to a torn shoulder. However, Brock Lesnar is back tonight and there’s a good chance he’s going to enter the Royal Rumble match which will now be for Roman Reigns’ WWE World Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with the long recap from last week with Vince trying to screw Reigns over and then making the Rumble for the title.

The roster is on the stage as the McMahons strut down to the ring. Vince welcomes the next WWE World Heavyweight Champion: one of the people on that stage. Whoever throws Reigns over the top might not win the title but it would be quite the moment. It could be someone like Dolph Ziggler who has been around for so long and tried to reach that brass ring. Or maybe Kevin Owens who has accomplished so much in so little time. Or what about a New Day for the title?

Vince and Stephanie laugh at the dancing but we’ve got Wyatts. Bray says anyone but you Roman, which brings Vince to Brock Lesnar, but here’s Roman instead. The Wyatts were focused on for all of thirty seconds there. Reigns asks what happens if he wins and the McMahons nearly die laughing. However, since it’s possible, let’s have Reigns vs. all tonight. That’s right: Reigns in a big handicap match. Again. It might even be against Dean Ambrose, but he’s in our first match against Sheamus, who jumps Dean from behind on the ramp.

Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose

Non-title and joined in progress with Sheamus pounding away on Ambrose. Dean tries to fight back but gets caught with the forearms to the chest and back. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Sheamus tries more forearms to the chest, but you know you can’t do that twice in one match. Ambrose counters into forearms of his own, only to be sent to the floor and dropped onto the announcers’ table. I love how the rules change depending on how they want the match to end as that’s often a DQ. Back inside and Dean scores with some clotheslines, including a big one to send Sheamus outside as we take a break.

It’s back to Sheamus putting on a quick broken Cloverleaf and blocking the rebound lariat. The Regal roll is countered into a rollup and a tornado DDT drops Sheamus for two more. Dirty Deeds is broken up but the rebound lariat puts Sheamus on the floor. That’s fine with Sheamus as he sends Dean into the barricade over and over, only to get sent into the post as we go to a double countout at 14:09.

Rating: C. This was your weekly back and forth match designed to eat up a bunch of TV time. If this is really their best idea to fill in time before the national champion game starts at the bottom of the hour, they’re in some real trouble in the ratings tonight. I didn’t care about this match for the most part, but at least Ambrose didn’t take a clean loss.

Post match Dean loads up the announcers’ table but Kevin Owens comes out and beats him down.

With Ambrose laid out in front of them, the announcers hype the Network. For some reason, that’s hilarious.

Back from a break with Dean storming out of the trainer’s room and telling Renee to feel his neck. She feels a pulse and that means Dean is still alive.

The McMahons are still dancing through the corridors when they run into Paul Heyman. We get some sucking up to the bosses until Heyman suggests that Brock get the title shot at Wrestlemania. Vince isn’t thrilled so Stephanie recommends that they take this to a closed room.

Stardust vs. Titus O’Neil

Stardust has David Bowie themed facepaint. Titus throws him into the corner to start but gets pulled down into an early chinlock. O’Neil throws him down again but Stardust grabs something like Matt Hardy’s Side Effect for two. Not that it matters as the Clash of the Titus puts Stardust away at 3:15.

Rating: D. Is there a point coming to either of these two anytime in the near future? Titus has beaten him twice in a row with the same finisher now so why should I want to see them fight each other again? Titus is fine as a midcard guy but he’s really just a power guy. This wasn’t horrible but totally uninteresting.

Post match Titus celebrates but Stardust chop blocks him and sends Titus into the barricade.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with special guests the New Day. Jericho talks about how awesome it is that he’s back and shows us all the social media reaction to his return on the Jeritron 6500. He recaps his entrance into the Royal Rumble and promises to win the title until New Day cuts him off. New Day does some really generic insulting before Jericho starts the Rooty Tooty chant again.

Big E. makes fun of Chris’ clothes until the Usos come out to interrupt as well. New Day turns down a request for a tag match but Jericho points out that there are six of them out there. A tag match is made for later to end this really lame segment. New Day vs. Jericho sounds like something hilarious on paper but there’s just no effort on either side and it’s really not working.

New Day vs. Usos

Non-title with Woods and Jericho are on the floor here. Joined in progress with Kofi kneeing Jey in the ribs. A double elbow gets two for the Usos and it’s off to Big E., who isn’t happy with Jey dancing. That’s fine with the Usos who easily knock Big E. around before it’s back to Kofi, who gets caught with a quick running Umaga attack in the corner. Kofi shoves Jimmy off the top and out to the floor, meaning it’s time for Francesca. Jericho chases Woods up the ramp and we take a break.

Back with Jimmy having to fight out of Kofi’s chinlock but getting crushed by a Big E. splash on the apron. Woods is back with more tromboning as the abdominal stretch is quickly broken up. Jimmy gets in a few uppercuts for a breather but Big E. takes Jey off the apron to break up the tag attempt. Back in and the Boom Drop crushes Jimmy but he gets over for the tag off to Jey as things speed up.

A belly to belly gives Big E. a near fall but Jey superkicks both of them, only to have Xavier offer a distraction. Always helpful, Jericho blows the trombone in Woods’ face after Kofi has crotched Jey on top. Jericho breaks the trombone to scare Woods into tears for a funny bit. It’s also an important bit as the distraction lets Jey roll up Kofi for the pin at 15:12.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but the booking continues to get on my nerves. The idea here was supposed to be that the win gets the Usos into the title hunt because they pinned the champions. Again, is there no other possible way to set up a title match and who in the world didn’t think the Usos were in the hunt already? The division has like four teams and the Dragons are out due to injury. It’s lazy booking and I’m really getting tired of it.

We look at Cena’s shoulder surgery.

Stephanie turns Heyman’s suggestion down again. Heyman tells her to have Vince go tell Brock that but Stephanie goes all serious and says Brock is in the Rumble.

JBL announces Sting as the first inductee into the 2016 Hall of Fame class, setting up Sting’s induction video.

Wyatt Family vs. Social Outcasts

The Outcasts interrupt Bray’s pre-match promo with Slater suggesting that we get some penicillin because they’re about to go viral. Rose and Strowman get things going but Bo tags himself in to go after the monster. A biel sends him flying into the corner though so it’s off to Axel, who actually scores with a flying forearm and some right hands. That’s about it though as Braun runs him over with ease to take over. It’s off to Bray but cue Ryback to go after the Wyatts. The Outcasts try to help and we’ll say the match is thrown out at 1:25.

We recap Kalisto pinning Alberto Del Rio in a non-title match on Smackdown.

Kalisto talks about what being US Champion would mean to him after what people like Cena and Eddie Guerrero did for the title.

US Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

Del Rio is defending but before the match, he talks about how Cena isn’t going to be in the Royal Rumble or going to Wrestlemania because Alberto took him out. Why in the world did we not hear about that after Alberto won the title in the first place??? Kalisto is run over to start and a quick DDT sends him out to the floor.

Back in and Del Rio hits a quick top rope ax handle but Kalisto comes back with a top rope seated senton. The hurricanrana (which got Kalisto the pin on Thursday) is countered into a powerbomb and we hit the chinlock. Kalisto gets back up and snaps off a headscissors to send Alberto outside, only to have the champ send him hard into the barricade as we take a break.

We come back with Kalisto missing a dive off the top and getting caught in a chinlock. This time it’s Del Rio going up top but getting pulled back down, setting up the corkscrew cross body (more of a headbutt), followed by a tornado DDT for two. Kalisto tries to speed things up too much though and gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. The low superkick is countered into a rollup and a rolling kick to the champ’s head gets two more.

Del Rio crotches him on top but thankfully superplexes him down instead of doing that double stomp. The springboard Salida Del Sol is countered and Del Rio ties him in the Tree of Woe. The double stomp misses though as Kalisto is the first man to ever NOT SIT UP. Kalisto snaps off the hurricanrana driver for two and you can hear the fans groan at the kickout. Another Salida Del Sol is countered but Kalisto reverses a German suplex into a victory roll for the pin and the title at 15:18.

Rating: B-. Thank goodness. Del Rio is one of the least interesting champions I’ve seen in years and it’s really cool to see them actually push someone instead of just having him win a non-title match and then go out and lose in the big showdown. The false finish off the hurricanrana driver was a nice touch too as I was almost sure Del Rio was retaining after the kickout. Really nice surprise here and long overdue.

We look back at Charlotte turning full heel on Becky Lynch last week.

Charlotte doesn’t understand why she’s the villain here when everyone looks up to her. She’s going to do everything she can to be champion because she’s the victim in all this.

Brie Bella vs. Charlotte

Non-title. Actually non-match as well as Becky Lynch jumps Charlotte during her entrance before being taken out by security. Ric says Charlotte is in no condition to wrestle tonight.

Post break, Becky raves about being all alone against Charlotte and Ric Flair. Charlotte talks about being genetically superior but Becky made her tap on Thursday. She did it once and she’ll do it again.

We look at Stephanie vs. Heyman from earlier.

Roman Reigns vs. All

In this case, all means Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Kevin Owens, the Wyatt Family, New Day, Stardust, Ascension and Tyler Breeze. Vince sends Owens in first and this seems more like a gauntlet than a handicap match. Owens grabs a waistlock to start but is quickly sent to the floor in a bit of frustration. Back in and Owens stomps him down in the corner before putting on a chinlock. Roman fights out and grabs a quick neckbreaker, only to get punched out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Owens sending Reigns to the floor for no interference from everyone else. It’s time for another chinlock before a superkick gets two for Kevin. Off to chinlock number three (Owens: “HE SAYS YES!”) for a bit before the Cannonball connects for two. The backsplash misses though and Reigns glares at the McMahons during his breather.

Roman blocks a superkick and drops Owens with a big boot but here come the troops as the Superman punch is loaded up. Ascension takes the right hand instead and the combined forces of Breeze and Stardust are quickly dispatched. Vince sends in the rest of the troops and the match is thrown out at about 17:00.

Rating: D+. Well for a one vs. all match, this was about as lame as it could have gotten. I like the idea of keeping the heels protected, though they could have fed a few of them to Reigns before having the long match with Owens. At least Kevin didn’t get pinned so it’s not a total loss. Just not very interesting though as we were waiting on the big run-in to close things out.

Post match Reigns gets destroyed and here’s Brock for the big showdown. The first victims are New Day before Owens and Del Rio are tossed with German suplexes. Sheamus gets in a few shots until Brock levels him with a clothesline. The Wyatts didn’t get involved and it’s just Brock and Reigns left in the ring. Roman can’t stand so Brock pulls him up and plants him with an F5. Reigns smirks up at Brock to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Did I mention that the NCAA National Championship game was on tonight? You could certainly tell that WWE knew as there wasn’t exactly a lot of thought and effort being put into this one. As soon as they announced Reigns vs. All for the main event, it was very clear that there was nothing interesting happening tonight because they could air Rock vs. Austin and not put a dent in ESPN’s ratings. As annoying as it is for those of us that watch, I more than get the idea here, as lame as it was. The show wasn’t even terrible, but you could tell they were just waiting for next week when people will be watching.

Results

Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus went to a double countout

Titus O’Neil b. Stardust – Clash of the Titus

Usos b. New Day – Rollup to Kingston

Wyatt Family b. Social Outcasts via DQ when Ryback interfered

Kalisto b. Alberto Del Rio – Victory roll

Roman Reigns vs. All went to a no contest when everyone interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This shouldn’t be a big surprise.It’s Sting, according to WWE.com.  This was pretty obvious as soon as he debuted in 2014.

NorCal, Shocky and I talk about one of the biggest news weeks in a long time.

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-35-shockyandkb-help-mekickoffthe-year-with-an-insane-week-of-newsone-vs-allforreigns-the-newsmackdownthesigning-of-thenjpwfourandjohncenas-injury/

Smackdown
Date: January 7, 2016
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Byron Saxton, Jerry Lawler

This is a big night as Smackdown is now on the USA Network after sixteen and a half years bouncing around various other networks. Therefore tonight is going to be a major show with two title matches and an appearance from the now injured John Cena. We’re now in full build towards the Royal Rumble where Roman Reigns will be defending the WWE World Title against 29 other men. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap Reigns defending the title against Sheamus and then Vince announcing his Rumble title defense. Thankfully this was a minute long instead of four times as much.

Opening sequence.

New commentator Mauro Ranallo is welcomed to the team.

Here’s John Cena for a chat. He hypes up the two title matches tonight and says the only thing missing is the USA Champion. It’s a new year and a new network so let’s try a fresh start tonight. Cena does a pretty good Ricardo Rodriguez introduction for Alberto and here’s the champ. However, Alberto is too smart to fall for what Cena is trying. There’s no way that Juan is getting his title shot tonight.

That’s not what Cena is going for though. The fans are fired up to see Alberto Del Rio tonight and they’re clearly wanting to see a US Title match tonight right? Fans: “SI! SI! SI!” Alberto will fight anyone not named John Cena, though the title doesn’t seem to be on the line. Cena has the perfect choice.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto

Non-title. Kalisto quickly sends him out to the floor and Cena is right there doing the Lucha Dragons dance. Back in and Kalisto handsprings into a kick to the head. The threat of the Salida Del Sol sends Alberto outside though and we take an early break. We come back with Del Rio getting two off a belly to back suplex. Del Rio gets in a kick to the head of his own as the fans chant something in Spanish.

Kalisto is put in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the ribs. Thankfully it’s not for that top rope double stomps just yet though as Alberto misses a charge into the post, allowing Kalisto to speed things up again. The hurricanrana driver is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two and the frustration is starting to set in. A good looking DDT puts Kalisto on the floor and Alberto taunts Cena. Back in and Del Rio loads up the cross armbreaker, only to have Kalisto grab a quick hurricanrana for the pin at 9:15.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with Kalisto’s unlikely rocket push continuing. I don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere but with all the injuries, pushing someone as a new underdog star isn’t going to hurt anything. Cena endorsing Kalisto could be a good sign, though none of this matters if Kalisto loses the title rematch.

Becky Lynch says she and Charlotte are no longer friends. Tonight she’s going to take the title and not be friendly about it at all.

It’s time for MizTV with Miz talking about the Royal Rumble for a few seconds before New Day cuts him off. After Big E. makes it clear that they are NOT a bunch of rootie tooties, Woods says Jericho stole the light up jacket from him in the old NXT days. Cue Dolph Ziggler for no apparent reason but Goldust cuts him off before we can get to the witty insults. Goldust is willing to give Miz and company some golden globes so here’s Neville to interrupt as well.

Neville offers to teach Miz his accent and whatever else he wants as long as Miz cancels this horrible show. Miz is offended but R-Truth cuts him off this time. Truth tries to answer Del Rio’s US Open Challenge so Miz has to tell him there’s no such thing. Truth: “…..all right. What were you all here talking about?” Instead, Truth tries to enter the Royal Rumble but isn’t sure he can afford the entry fee. Miz offers him a dollar to buy a clue so Truth hits him with the mic, meaning it’s time for an eight man tag.

Miz/New Day vs. Neville/Goldust/R-Truth/Dolph Ziggler

This is joined in progress with Truth hip thrusting at Miz and bringing in Goldust. Make that Ziggler with a dropkick to Kofi before it’s time to start in on the arm. Neville does some hip gyrating and drops a standing shooting star for two. Some right hands in the corner have Kofi in even more trouble until Woods finally pulls Neville off the ropes to give his team a breather.

Back from a break with Neville caught in the Unicorn Stampede (thank you Ranallo for finally using the proper term). Woods gives us some music and New Day is astounded by Miz’s dancing. We hit the chinlock from Woods for a bit before Neville backdrops him over the corner, leaving Woods on the floor with some very glossy eyes. The hot tag brings in Ziggler to clean house with Ranallo bringing up the Social Outcasts from Monday. Everything breaks down and Miz winds up surrounded, setting up a Ziggler superkick for the pin at 11:16.

Rating: C-. It’s not a good sign when some champions lose to a thrown together team of low level jobbers and Ziggler but I’m assuming this is how they make up for Ziggler losing on Monday. You know because Dolph Ziggler is the kind of person who needs to get his head back.

Post match Ziggler beats up his teammates and throws Goldust to the floor because it’s every man for himself. Not a heel turn but the fans didn’t seem thrilled.

The Flairs say Charlotte is ready.

Divas Title: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Becky is challenging. After some big match intros, Charlotte takes her down to start as Lawler is trying to call Ranallo M.R. An early armbar attempt doesn’t work for Becky so she tries some rollups for two each. Charlotte has to spin out of a hammerlock but a springboard kick to the chest puts the champ on the floor. Becky goes after her but Ric gets in the way, allowing Charlotte to kick her in the face to take over. Charlotte throws her with some suplexes but stops to pose as we take a break.

Back with Becky caught in a figure four choke before Charlotte flips her over a few times. Lynch actually gets underneath her to drop Charlotte face first into the buckle for the break and it’s time for the clotheslines. You have to have clotheslines. Charlotte comes back with a neckbreaker out of the corner for some near falls but Becky small packages her to break up the Figure Eight. There’s the Disarm-Her but Flair puts Charlotte’s foot on the ropes right before Charlotte taps. Becky is furious, allowing Charlotte to grab a rollup with her feet on the ropes for the pin at 14:12.

Rating: B-. Good match but the Ric Flair stuff is getting annoying. I mean, we get it already. He’s there and he’s going to help his daughter cheat. It got old in a hurry with HHH and it’s already gotten annoying here with Charlotte. I’m not sure where they go now for a challenger but maybe it’s finally time for Sasha.

We look at Owens brawling with Ambrose on Monday.

Owens gives Renee one minute of his time and says he’s killed quite a few roaches in his time. That means Ambrose isn’t going to be any different.

Recap of Monday’s main event and Vince making Reigns defend the title in the Royal Rumble.

After Raw went off the air Monday, Reigns said he’s ready to fight all at the Rumble.

Ambrose says Owens is the prize fighter but the prize is on Dean’s shoulder. Let’s fight.

Intercontinental Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. They shove each other around to start and the threat of Dirty Deeds sends Owens out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Kevin ripping off some chops but Dean tells him to bring it. Ambrose grabs a headlock for a bit before Owens hits him in the face. The rebound lariat is broken up as Kevin shoves him to the floor, only to be sent hard into the barricade.

Dean hits a running clothesline off the apron but he gets caught in a hanging DDT on the way back in. We take another break and come back with Owens holding a chinlock. The backsplash misses and Dean gets two off a quick bulldog. A tornado DDT doesn’t work and Owens sends into the corner off a German suplex. Dean is ready for the Cannonball though and gets two off another tornado DDT.

Owens crotches him on top though and now the Cannonball gets two. The superkick sets up the rebound lariat to give Dean two more of his own. Ambrose briefly wins a slugout until Kevin drops him with a clothesline, only to be sent out the floor. Dean sends him over the table and then into the crowd for a double countout at 17:33.

Rating: B-. This was more long than good and pretty clearly just a way to set up a gimmick rematch at the Rumble. That’s the better option though as both guys have earned a match on a bigger stage. You can almost guarantee they’ll both get a run in the Rumble itself as well so this was really just a preview.

They fight up to the stage and then to the technical area with Dean driving them both through a pile of tables to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Good debut on USA here but it was hardly a classic. This felt like a big episode of Smackdown with little storyline advancement but some good wrestling. I’d be fine if this is the kind of show we got week to week but the last several years would suggest that there’s no reason to believe that’s happening. Ranallo was very different than most WWE announcers as he has a much deeper voice and treats things more seriously, though he’s nothing that’s going to change the way I feel watching the show. It’s a good debut, but as is always the case, I have no reason to believe it’s going to stay this way.

Results

Kalisto b. Alberto Del Rio – Hurricanrana

Dolph Ziggler/R-Truth/Goldust/Neville b. New Day/Miz – Superkick to Miz

Charlotte b. Becky Lynch – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens went to a double countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 4, 2016
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

It’s the first Raw of the year and we’re starting with a bang. Tonight we’re seeing the rematch between Roman Reigns and Sheamus for Roman’s WWE World Title with Vince McMahon as the guest referee. It’s also time to keep going towards the Royal Rumble as we’ve got less than three weeks to go. Let’s get to it.

We open with another long recap of Reigns vs. Vince to set up tonight’s title defense.

Here’s Stephanie to get things going but Roman Reigns cuts her off on the way to the ring. Reigns laughs off Stephanie’s annoyance and calls Vince out. Vince isn’t here yet and Stephanie goes into her degrading voice about how this isn’t Roman’s night. Roman says that title is his life and his family because without it he can’t provide for his wife and daughter.

This amuses Stephanie even more as she rips on the fans for having so much false hope, just like Reigns. Stephanie says you can’t keep a good billionaire down and promises to destroy Roman tonight. After he loses the title, she’s going to work him all around the country until he drops. Then the fans are going to forget about him and move on, just like they did with Roman’s father Sika. Not really Steph, not really. Roman threatens to send Vince to the hospital and Stephanie finally shuts up.

We look back at Kevin Owens’ path of rage (and his loss) from last week.

Brock Lesnar is back next week.

Neville vs. Kevin Owens

Ambrose is on commentary. Neville has taped up ribs and quickly sends Kevin outside for a flip dive. Owens gets knocked across the ring and out to the floor on the outside, setting up a shooting star from the top. Back in and Owens gets smart by kicking Neville in the ribs and plants him with a hanging DDT out of the corner. Neville gets dumped out to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Neville still on the floor and missing his rib tape. He dives back in to beat the count at nine but Owens sends him back outside and hard into the barricade. Neville kicks him in the face to get a breather and busts out a sweet 450 off the apron. They head back in with Neville going up top, only to get crotched down for a Cannonball. The Pop Up Powerbomb ends Neville at 9:45.

Rating: B. I had a lot of fun with this thing as they were just beating the tar out of each other for the entire time they were out there. This was exactly what they needed to do last week with Neville looking awesome (including some fresh stuff) but Owens looking like a killer at the same time. Really well done here.

Post match Owens goes after Neville again but Ambrose dives on him to make the save. Owens loads up the announcers’ table again but Dean takes over and drives him through the table with an elbow drop. Dean tells Owens that all he has to do is ask for a shot.

Vince arrives and finds it ironic that last week he was on the wrong side of the law but tonight he is the law.

Stardust vs. Titus O’Neil

So this is still a thing. Titus chops him HARD in the corner to start until the Disaster kick puts him down. Stardust slowly stomps away in the corner as well and we hit the chinlock. The fans start chanting CODY to freak Stardust out, allowing Titus to come back with a big clothesline. A big boot in the corner and the Clash of the Titus puts Stardust away at 4:26.

Rating: D. Pretty lame match but when is the last time you saw a random midcard match with no interference and a clean winner? I like what I see with Titus and he could be fine as a midcard act if you give him more of a character aside from doing a dog bark. Nothing to see here, other than the total collapse of Stardust.

Becky Lynch is getting ready when Charlotte comes up. Apparently Charlotte isn’t happy that they’re having a match tonight but they pinky shake anyway. Ric Flair comes in and WOO’s.

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Non-title. Becky gets sent into the corner to start but grabs some armdrags to frustrate Charlotte. They hit the ropes with Becky nipping up and Charlotte cartwheeling into a standoff. Charlotte flips over in the corner but dives through the ropes into a rollup for two. Becky throws her down again but helps Charlotte up, only to take a HARD chop. Charlotte drops some knees until we take a break.

Back with Charlotte doing her figure four neck flips, which she really should bring back. Becky dives out of the corner but gets caught in midair, only to spin around into a sleeper. That earns her a backwards drop onto the mat for the break but Becky makes her comeback with clotheslines and a leg lariat. There’s a t-bone suplex for two on the champ but Ric grabs Becky’s leg. It doesn’t work this time as Becky rolls her up and grabs the trunks for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C+. Good match here that felt more like an NXT match than a WWE match. The ending really didn’t need the trunks involved but at least Becky got a big win to likely set up the title match at the Rumble. I could use less Ric in this whole thing but at least they’re getting somewhere with an actual title feud.

Post match Charlotte goes full heel (for real this time) and destroys Becky while Ric struts.

Sheamus comes in to see Vince, who implies he’ll call it down the line. May the luck of the Irish be with you.

Ryback vs. Big Show

Ryback is officially in the Rumble. Show chops him into the corner to start but misses a charge, allowing Ryback to hit a quick clothesline. Ryback calls to finish it thirty seconds in, only to walk into a chokeslam. Show throws Ryback over the top….and we’ve got Wyatts. They surround Ryback so he goes after Harper, only to get quadruple teamed. That’s not very nice of Ryback. They might have wanted to sell him some Girl Scout Cookies. We’ll say the match ended at about 1:15.

Strowman chokes Ryback out as Big Show just watches. Now the Wyatts circle the ring and go after the giant. Show knocks Bray, Harper and Rowan down but spends too much time staring at Strowman, allowing the swarm to take him down. Bray says they are the four horsemen of the apocalypse and everyone will fall. The other three do an upside down Horsemen gesture.

Alberto Del Rio/Rusev vs. Usos

Hokey smoke the Usos are in different color gear. I could get used to this, but it means I can’t just pick a random name and say they’re starting. Jimmy and Del Rio get things going with Alberto eating an early clothesline. Rusev gets double clotheslined but the heels take over on Jey with Rusev driving him into the corner. A wicked overhead belly to belly sends Jey flying and we take a break.

Back with Jey trying a comeback on Rusev but missing an enziguri. Del Rio kicks him hard in the back and it’s off to Rusev for a chinlock. Jey finally fights up with a Samoan drop and makes the tag off to Jimmy as things speed up. A kick to the face gets two and there’s an enziguri to stagger Del Rio even more.

Jimmy goes up but gets crotched down but the top rope double stomp misses (thank goodness). The superkick and Superfly splash get a VERY close two on Del Rio with Rusev diving in for the save at the last second. Jey dives through the ropes to take Rusev out but lands on a raised boot. Back in and Del Rio kicks Jey in the head to tie him in the ropes, setting up the top rope double stomp for the pin at 13:25.

Rating: B-. Fun match here but I’m getting a bit bored with the fairly long midcard tag match of the week. They’re entertaining and the time could have been used for far worse things, but these things are getting harder to get hyped for. It doesn’t help that these two aren’t the most interesting teams in the world, though the action was good. Quality, but not exactly entertaining here.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Heath Slater

Ziggler is officially in the Rumble. Slater comes out with Adam Rose, Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas, all of whom have apparently been tweeting about change all day. Ziggler gets some early rollups and small packages for two each, followed by that dropkick of his. Slater chokes a bit and throws Ziggler down by the hair. That goes nowhere and Ziggler tries a superkick but has to go after Rose. Slater grabs a rollup and gets the big upset at 4:41.

Rating: D. Sure why not. Ziggler is going to be in the exact same place no matter what he does and a loss to Heath Slater isn’t going to change a thing for him. It’s not like these guys are doing anything else so why not throw them together into a nothing midcard stable. I doubt it lasts past the Rumble but it’s better than having them on the roster for no apparent reason.

Post match Slater says he’s found some friends. Rose gets way too excited about the four of them being flowers. Axel goes on about the chains being off and Dallas says it’s all about getting back up. Slater caps it off by saying they’re trending worldwide despite being social outcasts. That sounds like the team name.

Ambrose is defending the Intercontinental Title against Owens on Smackdown. On the same show, Lynch will be challenging for the Divas Title.

Vince comes in to see Reigns and tells him not to cheat tonight. Reigns seems uneasy.

Here’s New Day for a chat. Big E. promises to make this the greatest year of all time and they’ll start by beating up the Dudley Boyz and Kalisto like they were Mike Tyson falling off a hoverboard. We get a reenactment of Tyson falling and now it’s time for a countdown. The ten count gets down to three and BREAK DOWN THE WALLS!

Yes Chris Jericho is back and declares himself as the party host for the night. He’s here to save the WWE one more time, sixteen years after he debuted. Woods isn’t pleased because the New Day has already saved this company through the power of positivity. Now it’s time for Jericho to not be impressed because the unicorn horns are stupid.

Jericho says he’s back to bring some life to this place and he’s sorry that we had to sit through five minutes of Green Day and rootie tootie. Big E.: “WHO ARE YOU CALLING ROOTIE TOOTIE?????” The fans get in on the chant until Jericho announces his entrance in the Royal Rumble. The Y2J problem is back and the WWE will never EVER be the same again.

Dudley Boyz/Kalisto vs. New Day

Woods and Kalisto start but Xavier wants Bubba. That’s fine with Bubba and Woods actually stays in the ring. A chop has no effect on Bubba and it’s time for a ROOTIE TOOTIE chant. It’s off to Kofi who is immediately caught in a very delayed vertical suplex. JBL: “Put the unicorn down.” D-Von comes in and sends everyone to the floor, allowing Bubba to throw Kalisto out on top of everybody.

Back from a break with Bubba in trouble but avoiding a splash in the corner. That allows a tag off to Kalisto but it’s quickly time for the Unicorn Stampede. Woods slaps on a chinlock and the Warrior splash gives Big E. a near fall. Kalisto avoids another charge and makes the tag off to D-Von as everything breaks down. Bubba cleans house and Kalisto is driven into the barricade. A quick save keeps Kofi out of What’s Up and the Midnight Hour puts D-Von away at 16:40.

Rating: C+. Another fun match here and I’m glad it was D-Von taking the fall here. Kalisto is getting a chance to look like a big deal and it would have really been a waste to have him lose here. It’s also cool to see New Day win a six man for a change as they lose these things way more often than they should. Good stuff here.

Here’s the same recap that opened the show. Dude cut that out. You can do it in about a fourth of the time. Stop eating up so much of the show.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Sheamus

Reigns is defending and Vince is guest referee. Sheamus jumps him to start and gets a pretty quick two count. A hard Irish (of course) whip gets two for Sheamus but Reigns comes back with the corner clotheslines. Another clothesline puts both guys on the floor for no count as Vince doesn’t want Sheamus winning the match without the title. Sheamus gets in a shot with the steps but Vince wasn’t paying attention as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus getting two off the Regal roll but Reigns comes back with his array of clotheslines. The Samoan drop gets a VERY delayed two and the fans boo Vince out of the building. White Noise is countered into a sitout powerbomb for another two but Vince has something in his eye. Vince: “I NEED SOME EYEDROPS!”

Now it’s a Superman punch to knock Sheamus silly but Vince just won’t count. Reigns finally Superman punches Vince and spears Sheamus before calling for another referee. With nothing else to do, Reigns throws Sheamus outside and over the announcers’ table. Vince gets up so Reigns throws him back down and yells a lot.

Frustration gets the better of Roman and he grabs Vince with the fans chanting for the table. Cue a power walking Stephanie to get on the apron so Reigns throws Vince into the ropes, bringing Stephanie inside. She bails to the floor as Reigns loads up a spear to Vince but eats a Brogue kick. A second one knocks Reigns out but Vince is slow to count (looked like a missed cue). Crooked referee Scott Armstrong comes in to count two. Reigns blocks another Brogue with a Superman punch and spears Sheamus down to retain at 18:20.

Rating: C+. Well it told a good story and Vince continues to be one of the best performers in the world. They actually had me believing they might change the title here which says a lot given that we’re less than three weeks away from the Rumble and it was Sheamus. Solid stuff here and they’re on a roll with the storytelling all over again.

Post match Vince says Reigns is going to defend the WWE World Title again at the Royal Rumble. Reigns keeps saying one vs. all so that’s exactly what he’s going to get. At the Royal Rumble, Reigns will defend his title against twenty nine other men in the Royal Rumble match.

Overall Rating: B-. This was another good show and you can see the effort involved. They’ve reached the point where they have to start putting in some effort for the Rumble and ensuing Wrestlemania season and it’s already starting to pay off. The shows aren’t great or anything but they’re so far ahead of what they were doing just a month ago. Good show here and hopefully a sign of a hot Rumble and Wrestlemania build.

Results

Kevin Owens b. Neville – Pop Up Powerbomb

Titus O’Neil b. Stardust – Clash of the Titus

Becky Lynch b. Charlotte – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Ryback b. Big Show via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Rusev b. Usos – Top rope double stomp to Jey

Heath Slater b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

New Day b. Dudley Boyz/Kalisto – Midnight Hour to D-Von

Roman Reigns b. Sheamus – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

http://www.f4wonline.com/wwe-news/njpw-stars-nakamura-aj-styles-luke-gallows-and-karl-anderson-headed-wwe-204971

If this is true, it’s the biggest talent raid since Hall and Nash.  This could be huge.

Ah the joys of 80s WWF.I know this is something that’s been beaten to death but my goodness it’s amazing how much more natural Jesse and Gorilla were on commentary.  It feels like two people having a chat while watching a show.  They get in catchphrases, plug stuff and talking about the matches while also sounding like they’re professionals.  I can’t remember the last time I heard something like this without going back to some JR and King days.  It really shouldn’t be pushing ten years since I can remember natural commentary but that’s what’s happened.

Smackdown
Date: December 31, 2015
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Booker T., Jerry Lawler

We’ll wrap up the year here with a Smackdown that not a lot of people are going to watch because most people aren’t at home from 8-10pm on New Year’s Eve. The big story coming out of Monday continues to be Vince vs. Roman with Reigns defending his WWE World Title against Sheamus this coming Monday. Therefore, I think you know what to expect here tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long and detailed recap of Monday’s events with Vince being arrested, the League of Nations costing John Cena the US Title and Vince returning to announce next Monday’s World Title match.

Opening sequence.

Here’s a festive New Day to open things up. It’s always a new day but tomorrow is New Year’s Day. Therefore their new year’s resolution is……nothing, as they’re already perfect. On top of that, they’re not the ones who didn’t vote for New Day for Tag Team of the Year. Instead, they have a list of resolutions for the fans. First up, everyone needs to wear glasses and hearing aids so they can see and hear all this greatness. Second, everyone is required to keep a New Day journal. Finally, every day, make sure to proclaim that NEW DAY ROCKS!

This brings out the Lucha Dragons who say the Slammys are for the people. I thought they were for the best in WWE but that’s what I get for listening to Michael Cole. The Dragons want a match right here and right now but Cara’s arm is in a sling. Therefore, they have some backup for Kalisto.

New Day vs. Kalisto/Dudley Boyz

We start this up after a break, which included Ryback’s new year’s resolution (give more to local charities and get more involved). Woods and D-Von get things going with Xavier being thrown into the corner like he’s nothing. Off to a fired up Bubba to crank on the arm and mess with Woods’ hair. For some reason Booker equates this to a Jedi mind trick as Big E. comes in to run Bubba over.

Kofi tries to charge at Bubba in the corner but gets a little Flip Flop and Fly. That means it’s time for Kalisto to play D-Von on What’s Up, only to have Big E. take him to the floor for a beating. It’s the Unicorn Stampede with Woods accompanying on trombone, followed by a big clothesline from Big E. to take us to a break.

Back with Woods putting Kalisto in a chinlock and Big E. getting two off a Warrior Splash. Kalisto avoids a charge though and makes the hot tag to Bubba as house is cleaned. The reverse 3D drops Woods like that ball in Times Square (Lawler gets in a good line like that every now and then). Kalisto DDTs Woods and a springboard Salida Del Sol puts Kofi away at 12:41.

Rating: C. Nice six man here with everyone looking good. They’re clearly setting Kalisto up as something important and that Salida Del Sol can hit from almost anywhere, making it even more deadly than most finishers. On top of that though, Bubba was really entertaining me here as he did not stop on the apron. So many people just stand there and wait for a tag but Bubba is constantly talking or moving or trying to get the crowd into the match. That’s always appreciated and Bubba is one of the best at it.

We look at John Cena’s week, which included hosting the Today Show and receiving a charity award.

Becky Lynch wishes us a happy new year.

Goldust vs. Tyler Breeze

Goldust snaps off some armdrags to start as Booker reminisces about their partnership. Breeze stops a charge in the corner by raising a boot and it’s time to start on Goldust’s arm. A quick spinebuster gets Goldust out of trouble and the snap powerslam gets two. Tyler slams the arm into the post though and a rollup with feet on the ropes pins Goldust at 3:25.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here though it’s always nice to see Breeze get a win, even if it’s meaningless like this one. Goldust’s latest comeback hasn’t meant anything, which is kind of a shame after the amazing resurgence he had over the last year or two. This was a filler match though and there isn’t much else you can say about something like that.

Post match Summer and Tyler announce that they’re splitting up for New Year’s, though it seems amicable. That’s good for Breeze as Summer is kind of the kiss of death for anyone she’s paired with. We do however get one last gorgeous picture for the road.

Bo Dallas finds Curtis Axel and talks about how bad Axel’s 2015 has been. Axel says he’s going to win the Royal Rumble so he won’t be eliminated two years straight. Dallas keeps walking and signs some random blonde’s hand. A little more walking finds Dolph Ziggler, who tells Bo to stop dressing like the New Year’s Baby. This sets up a match for later, complete with Ziggler doing a nearly creepy Dallas impression.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Harper/Strowman here with only Rowan accompanying. Jey gets punched in the face to start but comes back with an uppercut to Harper. Jimmy comes in, only to have a run across the ring stopped by a Braun stare. It’s off to Strowman who chokes Jimmy in the corner and throws him around like a giant throws around a villager. Harper’s catapult into the bottom rope gets two and it’s off to a leg lock of all things.

Back to Strowman for a choke with his knee before we hit the nerve hold. It’s back to Harper for a chinlock until Jimmy finally gets in an enziguri. Strowman breaks up the tag but charges into the post, allowing the hot tag to Jey. A quick Umaga attack gets two on Harper and two superkicks stagger Strowman, only to have the standing choke knock Jey out at 6:28.

Rating: D+. This was a squash with a fast paced ending, which really isn’t what you expect to see happen to the Usos. I mean, in theory the Usos are next in line for New Day and they lose here in dominant fashion? If nothing else it makes me wonder how the Wyatts never won the Tag Team Titles. You would think it would be academic no?

John Cena returns to Smackdown next week.

Bo Dallas vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler gets two off an early rollup but Bo hits a quick clothesline, requiring a lap around the ring. Back in and Dolph misses a Stinger splash so we hit a chinlock. A really hard elbow to the face gets two for Bo and we’re right back to the chinlockery. Bo stops to pose and takes another lap, only to eat a superkick to give Dolph the pin at 4:23.

Rating: D. Another short match that didn’t go anywhere here. Dallas is fine for a low level jobber like this but it’s clear that he’s only on this show because they’re running split rosters again here. Ziggler is always a good choice to get a reaction from the fans and given that this is a nothing show, this was fine. Not a good match but a fine inclusion.

New Day’s new year’s resolution is to make sure that the patriarch becomes World Champion. I’m not sure who they mean there.

Here’s the same long recap that opened the show.

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus/Kevin Owens

Reigns and Sheamus get things going as the announcers talk about Vince being arrested on Monday. Sheamus uppercuts Roman around and elbows out of a Samoan drop. A clothesline puts Sheamus on the floor and Dean takes him down with a suicide dive. It’s off to Owens to pound on Dean, which only makes me think of Neville pinning him in 24 seconds on Monday. Dirty Deeds is broken up and Owens bails to the floor, only to have Dean send him into the announcers’ table. Owens drives Dean back first into the apron and we take a break.

Back with Kevin stomping on Dean’s ribs and we hit the chinlock. Sheamus comes back in for some clubbing forearms (yes I said clubbing forearms) and a reverse chinlock. Sheamus does the forearms to the chest but alternates some forearms to the back in a new twist. It’s back to Owens but Dean hits a quick rebound lariat, setting up the hot tag to Reigns. Roman starts cleaning house with the clotheslines and a Samoan drop but Owens breaks up the Superman punch. The second attempt connects with Sheamus’ jaw but this time Owens crotches Reigns against the post for the DQ at 11:14.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere as a good chunk was spent either in chinlocks or in the commercial. There’s nothing wrong with having two title feuds thrown into one match but you need more than eight minutes televised and a pretty lame disqualification finish.

Sheamus and Owens load up the announcers’ table but Reigns punches and spears his way out so the good guys can stand tall to end the year.

Overall Rating: D. It was clear that they weren’t trying here and the lack of half the roster being there hurt things even more. That being said, this is a show that didn’t need to exist and almost no one is going to watch it so it’s not like this really makes a difference. Monday is the big deal so there was no real need to do anything here. Lame show but at least it felt quick.

Results

Dudley Boyz/Kalisto b. New Day – Springboard Salida Del Sol to Kingston

Tyler Breeze b. Goldust – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Wyatt Family b. Usos – Standing choke to Jey

Dolph Ziggler b. Bo Dallas – Superkick

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. Sheamus/Kevin Owens via DQ when Owens sent Reigns into the post

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