Tag: WWE - KB's Wrestling Reviews

Time for some ECW today with Balls Mahoney.

Mahoney got his start in the World Wrestling Council down in Puerto Rico. Here he is in his first gimmick against Carlos Colon on March 11, 1989.

Universal Heavyweight Title: Carlos Colon vs. Abbuda Dein

Dein is Palestinian and the Puerto Rico Heavyweight Champion, putting this between late February and mid May. They slug it out before heading outside to trade chops. Colon nails him in the head with the bell before hammering away at the forehead. An atomic drop nearly knocks Dein into a fan before Colon slams him on a stack of wood. Back in and a bloody Dein gets two off a backbreaker and a DDT gets the same.

A few foreign object shots puts Colon down followed by a legdrop for two more. Dein nails a swinging neckbreaker but still can’t get the pin. Colon blocks a Vader Bomb with two knees to the chest before kicking Dein low. He bites Dein’s open cut in a disturbing visual but runs into a boot, setting up Dein’s camel clutch. That goes nowhere as Colon quickly escapes and grabs a backslide for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a bad brawl here but Dein wasn’t the most interesting heel in the world. I’ll give him this though: it took me a few looks at him to see that it was Balls Mahoney. The match was nothing special but it was good for a fairly big time title defense and the fans seemed to love Colon.

After a few years on the independent circuit, Mahoney got a few WWF jobbing spots, including this one on Superstars, December 26, 1992.

Virgil vs. John Rechner

They trade arm holds to start as Jerry Lawler wants to know why he isn’t in the Royal Rumble. Virgil grabs a quick backdrop and an atomic drop. A middle rope clothesline sets up a Russian legsweep to give Virgil the pin.

After a few years in SMW (which is really hard to find individual matches from), Mahoney would appear at In Your House 5 as Xanta Claus, Santa’s evil brother from the South Pole who stole presents from children. He sold out to Ted DiBiase, proving that even SANTA CLAUS had a price. Here’s one of his only matches from some point in December 1995.

Xanta Claus vs. Scott Taylor

DiBiase talks about finding his Million Dollar Champion, who would wind up being Steve Austin. Xanta runs Taylor over to start and chokes a lot before nailing a sambo suplex. The camel clutch ends Scott in a hurry.

Mahoney would finally head to ECW where he achieved his greatest fame. Here’s one of his earlier matches at Cyberslam 1997.

Balls Mahoney vs. Stevie Richards

Mahoney likes leather it seems. Uh…yeah. Use your imagination here people. It’s BWO Stevie here. A little trivia here is that Rob Feinstein, as in the RF in RF Video and a former owner of ROH is playing the Syxx (X-Pac) parody of 7-11 here. Balls has short hair here. He must trim them. The fans aren’t sure who they like here but it seems to be Stevie. I think the BWO is face here but it’s kind of hard to tell in the ECW Arena.

Stevie uses speed to take over, likely just offering Balls some to get him down. Off to an armbar now as the arena flashes his chest to the fans. Oh dear. Fujiwara Armbar now by Stevie (named after Mr. Fuji if you’ve been curious as to that for some odd reason). Balls pounds away for a bit and then it’s right back to Stevie’s armbar. Ten punches in the corner and then Stevie climbs the ropes backwards and rubs his tights in Balls’ face. So he wants Balls around his….never mind.

Another clothesline by Balls gets two. Balls has next to no offense outside of clotheslines and punches. He tries a spinwheel kick with Richards on the apron and yet he hits the floor before Richards. As in like 5 seconds before Richards. Stevie chills on the floor for a minute or so until Balls drags him back in. Middle rope elbow has Stevie in trouble.

This is boring if you couldn’t tell as we’re at about 8:30 so far. Yes, these two get eight and a half minutes. Balls gets a modified atomic drop (more like an elevated punch to the balls, thereby making Stevie’s voice elevated) and makes fun of the BWO. Top rope leg drop misses and it’s a Stunner by Stevie to give him control for all of half a second. Powerbomb and a superkick miss so Stevie kicks him in the balls and then the chin to end this.

Rating: D-. See, this is where the problems came from for ECW. In short, the matches aren’t that good. The characters are ok and the stories are more developed, but at the end of the day the wrestling just wasn’t there for the most part. They had some good talent, but a lot of the time it was a guy that punched a lot and had a finisher and that’s about it. They knew no basic stuff and it was glaringly obvious at times. Also, this getting nearly 13 minutes is a bit much.

And another early one from Terry Funk’s Wrestlefest, which was co-promoted by WWF and ECW.

Balls Mahoney vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

MAJOR miscommunication in there somewhere as this is originally announced Sandman vs. Balls. Bubba runs out instead during Sandman’s entrance and is introduced as Mahoney. Whatever. Sandman’s entrance of course takes forever. Joey takes shots at the announcer and he’s exactly right.

Sandman takes some cane shots from Bubba and here’s Balls. Injury I’m guessing. The announcer is told point blank that this is no contest. Naturally he says no disqualification. This guy is AWFUL. Bubba tries to leave and Balls calls out Bubba and that’s how the match starts. Bubba says no way and Balls threatens the referee to start the match or get a chair shot.

Naturally this is No DQ. So I think the miscommunication earlier is just that the announcer sucks. Bubba dancing is funny stuff. We’re on the floor now with Bubba in control. There’s not much to say here as it’s pretty bad. Bret and Foley are going to have to save this thing.

Bubba takes a beer to the face. Sandman slips Balls a chair. I’ve heard of tripping balls but slipping balls? Sandman looks WASTED. I mean he is gone. Balls ducks a chair and hits two bad cane shots and then one good one for a pin that looked like two. Sandman takes him out instead.

Rating: F+. Just a total mess here and the announcing threw everyone off beyond belief. This was bad anyway as no one wanted to see just Bubba. The Dudleys at this time were a unit and just like today when you took one apart they fell apart completely. This was by far the best of the night.

Next up, Cyberslam 1998 in one of Balls’ many tag matches against the Dudley Boys.

Dudley Boys vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/Sandman

Rotten and Mahoney come out in like a minute. Sandman’s should take roughly four….except he’s coming through the entrance like a normal wrestler. I’m not sure what to make of that. Somehow the entrance still takes nearly five minutes. Bubba is still a country hick and he talks down to Sandman a bit. He wants to wrestle so he gets caned in the head.

The brawl begins of course and Big Dick (the third Dudley) can’t be hurt by kendo stick shots. Instead he hits a chokeslam to Sandman and pounds away a bit. This is one of those matches where it’s just a wild brawl with no real coherence or anything like that. The Dudleys are in control here other than D-Von who is having issues with Axl. Balls hammers on Bubba as well as Sandman crashes to the floor. Oh that was an “elbow drop”. Got it.

Bubba vs. Balls in the ring at the moment. Superkick puts the future Bully down but Bubba manages a superplex of all things. We’ve got a cheese grater to the head of Rotten and he’s busted now. D-Von is beating on him now. There’s no tagging or semblance of order if for some reason you’re confused and were expecting some.

Mahoney is thrown into the crowd for a bit. All three Dudleys put him on a table while his partners are in the ring and down. Bubba goes up on some stage to dive off…and here’s New Jack. He clocks Bubba with a chair and dives onto Balls instead. Spike Dudley and Kronus are in the ring now and it’s a 9 man triple threat tag team match now. Sure, why not?

Dudley Boys vs. Balls Mahoney/Axl Rotten/Sandman vs. Spike Dudley/John Kronus/New Jack

New Jack’s song plays throughout the match even though Spike and Sandman are the only guys in the ring. Spike gets a bunch of two counts off various small person offense. Sandman goes to the floor but Spike misses a baseball slide. Kronus is busted. Balls is busted. You can make your own jokes there. A standing version of the move that would become known as What’s Up hits New Jack.

The most famous combination of the Dudley Boys sets for the 3D on New Jack but Jack falls down. The big brawl is still going here but it’s far slower. Granted they’ve been fighting for over ten minutes, but why are the new guys so tired? Kronus and Sandman both work on Big Dick. Lucky. It’s table time but it’s not set up. Pretty much just random punches with an occasional weapon being used.

Mahoney gets a belly to back suplex on Spike and sets for a moonsault through the table. Spike pops up and gets something like a tornado DDT through the table to Balls. Axl hits a REALLY inverted reverse DDT to eliminate Spike’s team. Yes this is elimination now. Bubba calls for the 3D on Sandman but the partners interfere. Something resembling a Stun Gun onto a chair is enough for Sandman to pin Bubba and end this.

Rating: D+. I still don’t like these things but at the same time this wasn’t as bad as some of these got. The biggest issue of all is the time, as this ran nearly 20 minutes. Far too long but they kept it mostly entertaining. The extra three guys coming in helped as it energized things a bit. Not horrible but nothing we haven’t seen a few million times already.

Mahoney would form his most successful tag team with Axl Rotten, collectively known as the Hardcore Chair Swinging Fraks. Here’s one of their tries at the titles from Wrestlepalooza 1998.

Tag Team Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Lance Storm/Chris Candido

Candido and Storm still hate each other. Before the match Candido goes to the back and comes back out to his own music so he can strut along the apron. They get in an argument over whose name is listed first in their entrances. Chris insists on some big match intros before starting with Rotten. Some armdrags put Axl down but he comes back with a takedown. Off to Storm who gets his arm cranked on by both Freaks but Balls misses a splash in the corner.

Back to Axl who drops an elbow on an elevated Storm for two. Storm comes back with a spinwheel kick but Candido tags himself back in, much to Lance’s annoyance. An armdrag quickly takes Chris down and it’s back to Mahoney for an elbow drop. Some left hands in the corner have Candido in more trouble and what was supposed to be a dropkick put Chris down. Mahoney misses a charge and falls to the floor, but he catches Candido’s dive in mid air. Storm goes out to help but Axl dives onto all three guys to put them all on the floor.

Candido slaps his partner on the back and throws him to the floor for a tag but the referee won’t let Storm do the same thing. A suplex puts Axl down but Chris hurts his back and has to tag in Lance. Storm superkicks Axl down for two and Candido puts on a chinlock. That goes nowhere so Candido takes him down with a super hurricanrana for two. Axl fights back and tries a Boston crab but gets kicked off, only to have Rotten bounce off the corner and fall face first down into a low blow on Chris.

A double DDT puts the champions down and the hot tag brings in Mahoney. Candido gets caught in the corner but Sunny comes out for a distraction. Storm has to save her from Mahoney and it starts another argument with the champions. Lance dives onto Axl on the floor but Mahoney hits the Nutcracker Suite. Instead of covering though, he goes over and gets a chair. Storm hits a springboard dropkick to drive the chair into the face for a cover, but Candido breaks up the pin and steals it for himself.

Rating: C-. That’s probably high but I liked this far more than all of the other tag team messes I’ve had to sit through at the last few shows. There was at least an idea here and the stories throughout made sense, even though we didn’t need the Sunny stuff in the middle. Just have her come out with the team to start.

With Rotten injured, Balls would hook up with Masato Tanaka to challenge for the belts at November to Remember 1998.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Masato Tanaka/Balls Mahoney

The Dudleys are defending. Bubba calls the Dudleys the most technically sound wrestlers in the world. He knows there’s no one in the back that can take the titles from them either. Joel says he’s got more game than Parker Brothers. The entrance is significantly shorter than usual this time. Axl Rotten is with the challengers and tells the referee to just get out of the way. The Louisiana State Athletic Commission has said no chairs, but ECW wrestlers don’t listen to commissions so let’s have a Bourbon Street Brawl.

It’s a regular tag match to start with Bubba hammering on Tanaka in the corner. It’s off to D-Von who chops away in the corner and nails a jumping back elbow to the jaw. The Dudleys make sure to go after Tanaka’s injured head before D-Von puts on a quickly broken nerve hold. Bubba comes back in with some shoulder blocks to the ribs followed by a neckbreaker for two. D-Von hammers away but Tanaka hits him low. The effect is minimal though as D-Von hits a reverse inverted DDT to take over again.

D-Von tries a People’s Elbow but stops at the last second and turns it into a headbutt. It only hits mat though and the tag brings in Mahoney. The parody was fine once from Meanie but twice in one show doesn’t hold up very well. Bubba is sent to the floor and the challengers throw D-Von on top of him. Tanaka takes both of them down with a big dive but Balls slips off the top before diving onto everybody.

Bubba heads back inside and dives down to take out the other three people. Back in and Tanaka fires off some elbows to Bubba but gets caught in a rack neckbreaker from Big Dick. Axl nails Big Dick with a chair a few times but gets hit by a wooden sign from Sign Guy. That earns him a Nutcracker Suite from from Mahoney but Gertner has a chair. He nails Mahoney in the head and does a dance but Balls is just standing there. Joey: “Gertner is going to die.” Balls misses his big swing but now all four people in the match are in the ring with chairs.

The challengers get nailed in the head three times in a row before they finally drop. They’re quickly back up though and nail stereo Roaring Elbows to drive the chairs into the Dudleys’ face. Jeff Jones won’t count the pin and pulls out a Japanese to English dictionary to explain what happened to Tanaka. Rotten caves his head in with a chair to cut out the language lesson. Big Dick low bridges Balls to the floor and 3D connects on Tanaka for two. That’s one of the only times, as in one maybe three times ever, that anyone ever kicked out of that move.

Bubba and D-Von argue over whose fault it is, earning them both chair shots to the head for two. Axl has handcuffed Big Dick to the post as a Nutcracker Suite and tornado DDT onto chairs get another double two count. D-Von piledrives Mahoney on a chair and Bubba powerbombs Tanaka onto one as well. It’s table time with both Dudleys loading one up but Van Dam and Sabu run out to drive the Dudleys through the wood. Mahoney and Tanaka come in for the pin to give us new champions.

Rating: D-. The only reason this isn’t a failure is how big of a surprise it was to see someone kick out of a 3D. This was so ridiculously overdone and taken beyond the suspension of disbelief that it stopped being fun at all. What was the point in saying Tanaka and Mahoney were so injured if they just absorb all those shots to the head? The match didn’t even wind up meaning anything as the Dudleys got the titles back five days later.

Here’s a rare singles match from Living Dangerously 1999.

Steve Corino, a young guy whose gimmick was that he was old school and wanted to do things the old fashioned way, talks about how he doesn’t need steroids and doesn’t need to wrestle around the world to hone his craft. He issues an open challenge and the fans want Sid. They get someone else instead.

Steve Corino vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney starts fast but misses a spinwheel kick and falls to the floor. Corino celebrates and the fans chant BORING. Steve loads up a dive but opts not to do it. He tries a few seconds later but gets caught in the air. Axl Rotten gets in a clothesline and Balls hits a frog splash for two back inside. Corino avoids another splash and hits a superkick before going for a chair. He teases nailing Mahoney but instead sits down for a chinlock. Joey: “BOO!” Mahoney won’t have that and superkicks Steve down before leveling him with the chair for an easy pin.

Rating: D. Not much to this but the anti-hardcore gimmick is one that is always going to work in ECW. Corino would get a lot better (and WAY more violent) in the coming months but this was a good national debut for the character. Mahoney is a perfect opposite for him as well, so this was actually time well spent.

When all else fails, give Spike Dudley a random partner and have him fight the Dudleys. From Heat Wave 1999.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Spike Dudley/Balls Mahoney

Something tells me this is going to take awhile to start. Bubba talks about how these are the only belts that mean anything. That explains them jumping in less than 5 months. Gertner is still selling the injuries from the missed fireball. Joey says he looks like the Invisible Man. Joey, you fail. This is a fairly infamous promo as Bubba more or less has the crowd on the verge of rioting with how much heat they have on them.

This is where he says there’s a *insert gay slur here* in the front row and a mother who taught her daughter to suck. The Dudleys say that if the fans won’t come to them, the Dudleys will come to the fans. This is intense stuff if nothing else as a woman spits on Bubba. Now it’s time for Gertner to talk. He makes sex jokes based on the names of movies in theaters at the time to really date the show.

They’ve been talking for ten minutes now. Ok, we get it already. FINALLY Balls’ music kicks on. And now Balls talks. He says it’s a street fight with falls count anywhere. Wow I’m stunned. Naturally it’s a huge mess.

Seriously did you expect anything else? We get the cheese grater and I already hate this match. Seriously, what does this have to do with tag team wrestling? You never see more than two people on screen at once. D-Von and Spike are in the crowd doing whatever. Since there’s no referee with them, it’s rather pointless to follow them isn’t it? It’s just a big brawl with blood and random strikes. Spike dives off the balcony. Yeah I don’t care either.

Now I’m stunned as all four guys are in the ring at once. Holy goodness. The fans chant for flaming tables. Being put through one of those sounds pretty good right now. D-Von just goes off on Mahoney in the corner with punches. Ok that was kind of cool. The faces hit their finishers at the same time and of course the Dudleys kick out. And it worked so well the first time that we should just do that all over again!

So of course the four finishers don’t do it so they win with a schoolboy. Wow that’s riveting. The Dudleys do the beatdown afterwards and the table is lit up. Make that two tables. What a waste of fake wood. The powerbomb on Balls is botched. Yeah there’s nothing unsafe about that. Spike goes through. And since this was an idiotic match, here’s New Jack to really cram it home. As I’ve said, he is the epitome of everything wrong with ECW. This celebrating goes on forever as we kill more time.

Rating: F. The camera work sucked, there was zero wrestling, the ending was idiotic, it’s the same match as last month and the same feud for four months and New Jack was involved afterwards. What do you think I’m going to give this? It’s another sign that Heyman’s creativity was falling apart.

Tanaka and Mahoney were on again off again partners. Here they are off again, at Hardcore Heaven 2000.

Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka

The Balls song sounds a bit different. I think it’s a cover. Ah yes it is. I know this because it plays for about three and a half minutes with Balls just playing to the crowd. This is a long running rivalry that never really went anywhere for no apparent reason. Also, Tanaka can give Awesome every bit he can handle, but has trouble with Balls Mahoney?

Does that just not make sense for anyone else? Cyrus comes out and says the Network is taking over, despite not being on the network for this show. Ah he’s mad about Gertner being there on commentary. Yeah this isn’t bringing the show to a halt at all. Cyrus says Gertner’s fat body is a ratings killer. Strange I thought that was the booking, the look of the show, the wrestling, the language, the stories and the lack of new talent being pushed other than the same old guys.

Joel threatens Cyrus and W*ING Kanemura chokes him out from behind. Masato and Balls are just standing in the ring during all this and Cyrus takes over on commentary. Now they get the big intros, which to be fair was a tradition in ECW. Tanaka’s tights look like Too Much’s when they were heels (Too Cool later on). Mahoney actually does amateur stuff of all things and it works. This has been ALL Mahoney so far which is just weird.

Dang Balls is horrible at selling anything. Tanaka hits his running chair shot and the tornado DDT on the ramp. I guess Doug Williams stole it from Tanaka. Balls finds a chair and the fans pop. They both have them and let the duel begin. Tanaka continues his weird thing of no selling chairs. How does that even work? The crowd is white hot here, so at least it’s typical for ECW.

There are like 5 chairs in the ring now. Balls takes a tornado DDT onto the pile of them for two. The lack of pins after these ridiculous moves gets a bit tiring at times. Sweet goodness I love Diamond Dust. Balls hits the Nutcracker Sweet on Tanaka as we’re approaching the Awesome/Tanaka levels of insanity. Roaring Elbow (which sounds like a reject from World of Warcraft) gets two. A top rope chair shot and roaring elbow ends it though.

Rating: B-. Better than I expected, but it got completely ridiculous at the end. Tanaka is a different kind of character though as he goes to such ridiculous lengths of kicking out at times but it still works fine I think as it’s supposed to be over the top, which this certainly was.

Eh why not. Flaming tables from November to Remember 2000.

Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy vs. Da Baldies

This is a flaming tables match. It’s a tables match but the table has to be on fire for it to count. Yeah that’s not overkill at all. Honestly, who thought Chilly Willy was a good name? It sounds like a name for a frozen drink that a 4 year old would drink. There’s a table in the ring already so we head to the floor. We hear the whole Balls used to be a big deal in high school wrestling. Is he the Al Bundy of wrestling or something?

We’re in the crowd and you can’t see a thing just to make it really feel like ECW all over again. They’re in a balcony as we continue to wait for something to happen. Lots of beers are being slammed onto people’s heads. It’s one of those brawls where each punch gets a cheer but they come every minute or so. They brawl in the aisle to fill in some time.

Willy gets powerbombed through two chairs on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. Hey we’re actually in the ring now. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. The lighters finally get brought into play with bottle after bottle of fluid. DeVito goes through the table and it’s finally over.

Rating: F+. This was TWELVE MINUTES LONG. Yes, this, is the longest match of the night so far. It’s the freakshow match of the night I guess but that doesn’t mean it was any good. Da Baldies go from being what was supposed to be a semi-big heel stable to jobbing to Chilly Willy. That’s ECW for you.

Since ECW had stuff like flaming tables, their last pay per view was coming soon. Balls competed at Guilty As Charged 2001.

Simon Diamond/Swinger vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

What kind of a name is Swinger? In WCW he was Johnny Swinger and here he’s just Swinger. That never made sense. Swinger talks about not getting any from Dawn Marie while Simon has, so he’s gone out and gotten Jasmine St. Clair. She and Blue Boy come out and apparently Blue Boy is his new manager. Oh look: another pointless midcard faction. After about a minute of brawling, Rhyno comes in and gores everyone including the women. Well there’s five minutes filled. Jasmine takes a piledriver off the middle rope.

Mahoney would hit the indies like many people who worked for ECW. Here he is in a short term run in TNA, from Weekly PPV #78 on January 21, 2004.

Julio Dinero/CM Punk vs. Sandman/Balls Mahoney

Mahoney is the latest partner that Sandman has brought in to fight the Gathering. Sandman gets beaten down to start but Mahoney makes the save with a bunch of punches. It’s time to drink but Punk and Dinero nail superkick to knock the beer out of their mouth. Sandman nails a hurricanrana on Punk and Mahoney follows it up with a frog splash. Dinero superkicks both guys down but Sandman drapes him over the top rope. Punk and Mahoney fight to the floor before bringing a chair back in. Both members of the Gathering drive the chair into Balls’ face before a side slam/middle rope elbow combo onto the chair pins Mahoney.

Rating: D. Total mess that felt like a bad ECW match. To be fair though Punk was still just your usual indy guy at this point, meaning it was a lot of strikes and not a ton of selling. The match wasn’t any good, but what are you expecting from a team of Balls Mahoney and the Sandman?

Mahoney would appear at One Night Stand 2006 against an old friend/rival.

Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka

Taz (sans sunglasses) makes fun of Balls being from Nutley, New Jersey. What are the odds of that one? These two used to be tag champions. Show of respect to start as the fans are totally behind Tanaka. He has a bad shoulder too. Tanaka hammers away to start but walks into a powerslam and some punches. Mahoney is sent to the floor so Tanaka dives on him to start a brawl outside.

Balls wants a beer so he takes a sip and drills Tanaka with the rest of it. Running chair shot misses as a fan has a sign that says pork. No one ever said they made sense. Back in now and Tanaka gets a superplex for two. Balls gets one of his own and screw it let’s have a chair duel. A huge shot from Mahoney is enough to end it, which is a bit hard to buy after the war Tanaka and Awesome had last year.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match to give the fans a breather which is probably a good idea. This was a rematch from some original PPV I think but that wasn’t referenced. To be fair though it’s not like there was a point to this one so I can’t blame them for that one. Just a match here and there’s nothing bad about that.

With ECW being brought back as a full time show, Mahoney had a match on June 19, 2006’s Raw.

John Cena vs. Balls Mahoney

They slug it out to start with Cena getting two off a fisherman’s suplex. The fans are all over Cena here and Mahoney pokes him in the eye to take over. A hard superkick gets two on Cena but John comes back with right hands and the ending sequence. Heyman sends in a chair but Cena grabs a drop toehold and puts on the STF for the submission.

Here’s a match from the revised ECW on August 7, 2007.

The Miz vs. Balls Mahoney

Extreme Expose is at ringside for no apparent reason. Miz gets punched in the face to start but is able to send Mahoney face first into the middle buckle. Mahoney comes back with punches and the Nutcracker Suite for two but the Reality Check gets Miz a fast pin.

We’ll wrap it up with the mess that was Hardcore Justice 2010.

Cajones/Axl Rotten vs. ???/???

Cajones is of course Balls Mahoney. He issues an open challenge and it’s JOEL GERTNER. Ok this is at least an improvement. I think I smell Team 3D. Yep I’m right and they’re in tye-dye. Thankfully Joel does a poem which is funny. He looks…bad. Like even worse than before. It’s a South Philadelphia Street Fight in Orlando according to Ray.

They go split screen here for the sake of torturing us even better. Ray shouts at him and calls him Balls because that’s ok I guess. We go into the crowd for fun. This is “hardcore” I guess with mainly just punching and random shots with weak weapons. We bring in some more traditional weapons back in the ring. The announcers are of course cracking up over everything here instead of selling it like a hardcore match.

Frying pan to the head of Balls. And Mahoney breaks out a freaking toy lightsaber. And so does Bubba. I hate this show. I truly do. Axl botches a reverse DDT on Bubba and Nutcracker Suite to D-Von gets two. The fans want flaming tables. They get a chair duel instead. The referee tries a double clothesline on the team that isn’t the Dudleys. It fails, much like this match. The Dudleys bring in a table and Gertner has lighter fluid. Balls goes through it, ending this mess.

Rating: D-. Flaming table is all that keeps this from failing. This whole show is a joke and that’s being kind.

There isn’t much to say about Balls Mahoney, but he wasn’t as bad as people remember him being. Yeah he was part of a team called the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks, but he had a decent career outside of ECW as well. There are far worse guys out there (like Axl Rotten for example) but he’s not terrible.

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Could it be anything else on this date? It’s Rey Mysterio.

Mysterio got his start in 1989 at age 14. By 1994 he was wrestling on pay per view, including this match at AAA’s When Worlds Collide.

Madonna’s Boyfriend/Fuerza Guerrera/Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Heavy Metal/Latin Lover

Madonna’s Boyfriend is Louis Spicolli. You know Psicosis and Rey. Latin Lover is a guy that was in WWF for like one match and was a big deal in AAA for awhile. You have to pin either the captain (Guerrera and Metal respectively) or both of their partners. So it’s kind of like an elimination match, but if you pin the right guy you win automatically. It’s kind of weird but again it’s a cultural thing.

Big brawl to start and now it’s time for the explanation of technicos and rudos. HUGE pop for the 19 year old Rey. Fuerza vs. Metal to start us off in a captains match. Off to Psicosis and Rey who are called potential superstars by Cruise. Well he’s half right. Rey sends Psicosis to the floor via a slick rana but Psicosis shows some common sense and RUNS from the ring as Rey sets for a dive.

Off to Spicolli who is way bigger than almost anyone else in this. Louis puts him on the top and pats the head. Then he does it again so Rey snaps off a missile dropkick which is no sold. Off to Latin Lover who used to be a male stripper according to Tenay. Cruise: “How did you find that out?” Spicolli likes to dance a lot.

Heavy Metal clears the ring and we’re told he’s the son of the referee. Things speed way up and Metal puts on a nice acrobatics display with Psicosis. Off to Guerrerra vs. Rey. The fans are into this a lot more when Rey is there. There’s another rana, this time off the apron to the floor. Psicosis tries to ram into Latin Lover and it fails a lot. Off to Metal vs. Guerrera and we get a low blow by Guerrera I think.

Off to Spicolli and the tagging thing is still hard to get used to. Rey gets tossed into the crowd as the heels take over. The most famous guys are in again and they hit the air quickly. Back to Lover vs. Spicolli and make that vs. Guerrera instead. Lover is very popular here and his superkicks get good reactions. Love misses a top rope splash and Guerrera hooks a very modified Sharpshooter.

That lasts all of five seconds and they slug it out a bit. Metal does a sweet backflip off the top and things break down again. This match needs to end now. Rey speeds things way up and hits a SCARY swanton headbutt (only way to describe it) to the floor onto Spicolli. Guerrera hooks a neck hold on Metal after he missed a swanton for the tap out. And yes he actually tapped.

Rating: C. Meltzer overrating stuff that isn’t American? Say it isn’t so! Yeah this got four stars from him and it’s just not that good. It’s too long and while it was cool to see Rey with intact knees, there wasn’t much here for the most part. It was sloppy at times and the constant brawls were a bit much to take.

Mysterio would head to ECW in 1995 for a series of well received matches. Here’s one of his more famous ones against one of his major rivals. From November to Remember 1995.

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

This is a Mexican Death Match, meaning more or less last man standing but you need a pin before the count begins. This was a long running feud and I think this is the blowoff match. The fans chant Rudo at Psicosis. Rey of course gets a Tecnico chant and comes out to what sounds like Sad But True by Metallica. Yep that’s what it is. Not what I think of when I think of Rey. The big match intros are done in both languages.

This is when Rey was still like the fastest guys in the world and Psicosis is able to keep up with him so I’m not even going to try to call play by play on this. Even Joey can barely do it and he could double as an auctioneer. Rey gets a quick pin off a top rope rana but Psicosis is just mad and not really hurt. Out to the floor we go and Rey falls when trying to jump onto the railing. That clip is on the Rise and Fall of ECW I believe.

Back in the ring a missile dropkick puts Rey down and a moonsault gets a pin. The count is unimportant at this point because we’re only like three minutes into this. Rey gets draped across the buckle as this is one sided at the moment. How weird is it to see Psicosis as the far bigger and stronger guy? Powerbomb gets the pin but Rey is up 1. They’re counting backwards so he barely beat the count.

Psicosis goes to get a chair but changes his mind and is booed out of the building. A buckle bomb keeps Rey down. Twisting senton (flip into a backsplash) gets another pin but that’s fine because Rey is up at 1 again. Dropkick puts him right back down and the fans are literally standing. Now it’s chair time and Rey takes a DDT onto it. He beats on Rey then puts the chair on Rey’s back for a moonsault to get his fourth pin in a row.

Rey barely beats the count so Psicosis goes for the possibly injured knee (from the botch earlier) which is rather smart strategy. Psicosis tries a moonsault but Rey pulls the chair into the way and takes over. Springboard clothesline sends Psicosis to the floor. High cross body and we’re in the crowd for a second. HUGE moonsault (Asai hadn’t been named yet I don’t think) and Rey takes over with some chair shots.

Psicosis tries to run into the crowd and you can’t see them but Rey brings them back and they’re at ringside again. Never mind as we’re going back into the fans. Psicosis is more or less running as Rey is on fire. They’re right below Joey (who is in what’s called The Eagle’s Nest) so Rey hits him with a chair, climbs up the Eagle’s Nest and dives off with a HUGE hurricanrana and Psicosis is dead and we’re done.

Rating: B. Pretty awesome stuff here as Rey played possum after the beating and then woke up to massacre Psicosis and become just too much for him. Rey was only 20 at this point so he was a total rookie phenom. Total war here and the psychology actually existed. Rey would be in WCW in about 7 months.

And a bit lesser known match, from House Party 1996.

Rey Mysterio Jr./911 vs. The Eliminators

Rey vs. Kronus to start with Mysterio flying all over the place and taking out both Eliminators with an armdrag/rana combo. Rey gets sent to the floor and here’s Taz to choke 911 again. The fans chant for Sabu and Taz just lets go. Rey and Kronus have some weapons brought in and everything breaks down. Well, as much as everything can break down in an ECW match.

Total Elimination takes 911 down again and Taz chokes him some more. Saturn (who has long black hair here) powerbombs Rey down but Mysterio comes back with a double DDT. 911 gets back in and Rey gets on his shoulders. It’s time to play some chicken. Rey fakes Saturn out though and jumps into the air, hitting a rana on Kronus off Saturn’s shoulders for the pin. That looked awesome.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much but the Eliminators were nothing more than Total Elimination and matching black hair at this point. Mysterio would be in WCW in about 5 months while 911 would be 911 for the rest of his time in ECW. Nothing to see here but the ending was pretty sweet looking.

Rey would head to WCW and debut at the 1996 Great American Bash.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dean Malenko

This is Rey’s debut apparently, so let’s give him a title match! It’s always cool to see mega stars like Rey debut like this. You ever notice that the Cruiserweight Title almost always came down to the heel not flying that much and facing a guy that jumped everywhere? Rey grabs a headlock to start which gets him absolutely nowhere.

Tenay used to drive me crazy but here he’s required almost. They both sit out and it’s a double nipup for a standoff. Malenko takes him to the mat but Rey speeds it up and sends Dean to the floor with an armdrag. He adds in the Jericho springboard dropkick to send Dean to floor. Rey is 21 here but has been wrestling since he was 14 which is insane.

Rey tries some of his leverage stuff but gets sent to the floor. They speed things up a bit but Dean hits the floor to break the momentum as he’s rather smart. Dean goes after the arm and Rey is in trouble. Hammerlock slam as Dean channels his inner Anderson. We hear about the Cruiserweights in the division which really was an incredible collection of talent.

We hear about Rey being in AAA as is Konnan. The more I hear about AAA the more I like it. Rey speeds things up again but Dean takes his head off with a clothesline. We hear about NJPW and Eddie winning the Super J Tournament. Notice what WCW was doing at the time: they were pulling talent from EVERYWHERE and drawing in as many fans as they possibly could. Very smart business as there are more fans in the world rather than in America.

Dean works on the arm more and Rey is in trouble. Dean gets an overhead belly to belly while hooking the arm around like a hammerlock. That was pretty cool looking. Notice here that he’s throwing on a bunch of holds but they’re different, which makes it less boring. Anyone can throw on an armbar 5 times, but throw on different moves and you get a potentially different reaction, which is a good thing.

Off to a surfboard which is always cool looking. Dean drops him back out of it and into a bridge for two. Right back to the arm by Dean and Rey is in big trouble. Butterfly suplex gets two and Dean is frustrated. Rey gets to a rope but the referee is like whatever and lets them keep going. Rey gets a leverage move to send Dean to the floor and hits a springboard sommersault senton to take both guys out.

Springboard missile dropkick gets two as the fans are WAY into this now. The move that would become West Coast Pop gets two. Dean sends him to the apron and Rey goes up. Top rope Frankensteiner puts Dean down but another rana attempt is countered into a powerbomb and the feet go onto the ropes for Dean to get the pin and retain. Awesome match.

Rating: A-. Standard great match with these two. Malenko may have been pretty dull as far as charisma goes, but dang he could go in the ring. Mysterio was always fun to watch when he still had knees, and this was no exception. This right here is what began to carry WCW in the NWO years. They would do the heavy lifting and the main event guys would get all the credit.

Rey would win and lose the Cruiserweight Title before the end of the year. He would do other stuff besides cruiserweight matches though, including a TV Title shot at Uncensored 1997.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Rey Mysterio

This is a rematch from last month. Rey takes over to start and hits a front flip off a springboard for two. This is an extended fifteen minute time limit instead of the usual ten. The same move as he hit off the springboard hits over the top and it’s all Rey so far. The announcers talk about how Rey and Dean are moving up the ladder and it’s so funny to think that’s going to mean anything in the long run.

Prince hits a springboard dive and based on the crowd you would have thought that he ran his hand through his hair. Back in the ring Rey gets a middle rope bulldog for two. The fans flat out do not care. Quebrada (Mike said it, not me) gets two for Rey. Sunset flip off the middle rope gets the same. Rey tries to get the crowd into it and it doesn’t work in the slightest.

A senton (backsplash, not bomb) misses and Prince takes over with his, ahem, REALLY FREAKING BORING offense. The problem with him is rather obvious quickly: there is absolutely nothing unique about him in the slightest. He’s Samoan, average size, average weight, no special moves or anything at all like that. And yet somehow he’s TV Champion. Iaukea can’t get a springboard cross body as Rey counters with a dropkick. The Prince accidently low blows Rey as things somehow get even slower.

They both try dropkicks and are both down again. Rey gets a headscissors for the first interesting move in far too long. Whisper in the Wind takes Prince down and the clock runs out after about 12 minutes. Rey wants to keep going, Prince says you’re on and here we go. No mention of how long this is as Heenan isn’t sure either. Rey gets a springboard enziguri and drops the dime for two. West Coast Pop is set up but Prince rolls through into a sunset flip to retain. So uh….the point to the extra time was what exactly?

Rating: D. Rey was great at this point but he wasn’t a miracle worker. Whoever thought Prince was worth anything was pretty freaking stupid to say the least. He would FINALLY lose the title about a month later to Regal and then would go away for a good while until coming back as the Artist and win the Cruiserweight Title when no one cared again.

Next up was a feud with Eddie Guerrero, which produced what might have been the best WCW match ever. From Halloween Havoc 1997.

Cruiserweight Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

This is mask vs. title with Eddie as champion of course. Great heat on Eddie to start as he’s totally evil here. Rey gets an arm drag and a cross body to send him to the floor almost immediately. Rey flips to the apron but gets caught by Eddie and tripped, sending him to the floor. Eddie rams Rey into the steps and adds a hilo to the back in the ring. Rey fires off a dropkick but tries a cartwheel which gets caught in a belly to back as Eddie continues his dominance.

Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Eddie gets two. Eddie goes after the mask but this is part of a bodysuit kind of a thing. Abdominal stretch by Eddie and Rey is in trouble. Tenay says that Rey used to wrestle as Hummingbird which Heenan of course rips into. Rey is on his back in a test of strength position so he uses Eddie as a board to pop up with and jumps to the top rope, backflips over and grabs a DDT out of nowhere to break Eddie’s momentum. AWESOME move.

Rey sends Eddie to the apron and tries a dropkick but Eddie moves and sends Rey to the floor. After sending him into the railing it’s a camel clutch with Eddie ripping at the mask again. Off to the Gory Special and Rey is in trouble. Modified surfboard as Eddie is in total control here. We hear about El Santo which is someone you hardly ever hear about at all.

Rey tries to fire some shots off in the corner but gets sent into the opposite corner and caught in the Tree of Woe. Baseball slide by Eddie misses and he does the Hennig crotch spot against the post. Rey dives off the top onto Eddie on the floor and here comes Rey. Standing rana gets two back in the ring. A headscissors puts Eddie on the floor and in perhaps the most awesome spot I’ve ever seen, Rey gets a running start and dives over the ropes, catches Eddie in a rana and swings him around without touching the floor until he releases the hold.

Back in and a corkscrew moonsault gets two. Split legged moonsault misses and it’s a big powerbomb by Eddie and Rey is in trouble. Crowd is getting into this quickly. Big heat on Eddie now. Rey takes him down with a spinwheel kick but the West Coast Pop is reversed into a backbreaker. Frog Splash misses so Rey goes up top. Eddie tries a crucifix bomb off the top but Rey reverses into a rana out of air and holds Eddie down to get the pin and the title! AWESOME ending!

Rating: A+. This was in the running for match of the year and it’s easy to see why. The problem is when you have Austin vs. Hart in the I Quit match and the original Hell in a Cell in the same year. That kind of slows things down a bit which is a shame as this was a great match indeed. Rey was awesome at this point and moved around here so well that it was almost uncanny. Great match and Eddie played an awesome cocky heel here. Great match and the best I’ve ever seen out of Eddie I think.

Rey would miss a lot of 1998 due to a knee injury before coming back later in the year. He would be forced to joint he LWO and challenge for the Cruiserweight Title at Starrcade 1998.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Kidman is defending and has been trying to defend the title against Mysterio for weeks, only to have the LWO interfere. Juventud is there as the former champion wanting a rematch and LWO leader Eddie Guerrero’s hand picked challenger. Rey stomps on his LWO shirt on the way to the ring. Juvy gets double teamed to start, much to the fans’ delight. He tries to fight back against Kidman but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Mysterio. Kidman whips Rey into the Bronco Buster, even though Juvy was a foot in front of the buckle and had the back of his head driven hard into the corner.

The good guys start slugging it out before nailing Juvy at the same time, only to go at it again. Juvy misses a top rope cross body, allowing Kidman to slam Rey onto Juvy’s chest for two. Guerrera comes back with Mysterio’s sitout bulldog to both guys at the same time before telling the cameraman he’s got it. Mysterio can’t hook a German suplex on Juvy but Kidman clotheslines Guerrera down for two instead.

Kidman is sent to the floor and Juvy backdrops Rey on top of the champion, setting up a big dive to take out both guys. The fans didn’t seem interested for some reason. Back in and Juvy dives again, only to get double dropkicked out of the air. Heenan talks about Bill being here tonight. Tenay: “Clinton?” Heenan: “No Bill Schwartz, an old friend of mine from Cincinnati.” West Coast Pop gets two on Juvy but Kidman comes back with a headlock takeover out of the corner on Juvy with a dropkick to Rey at the same time.

Mysterio is still down as Kidman dives into Juvy’s boots to the face, allowing Rey to pop up and get two on the champion off a slingshot moonsault. Juvy is stood on the apron, allowing Rey to hit a hurricanrana off the top to put both guys down on the floor. Back in and Kidman gets two on Juvy with a layout powerbomb. Juvy hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker for the same on Mysterio before he seds Juvy and Kidman out to the floor. Rey hits a HUGE top rope Asai Moonsault to take both guys down but he can barely follow up.

Juvy gets taken down by a springboard hurricanrana from the masked man but walks into a bad looking Juvy Driver for two. Kidman makes a diving save before planing Juvy with the BK Bomb for two. Mysterio is the only one on his feet but he takes Juvy to the floor with another hurricanrana. Kidman has to keep up with the others, hitting a great looking Shooting Star to the floor, taking out both guys in the process. Eddie Guerrero comes out to the ring and pushes Juvy forward to counter a sunset flip. Rey comes in and dropkicks Juvy back into the sunset flip, giving Kidman the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. Awesome opener here as all three guys were going nuts out there. That Shooting Star looked great and the other two were their usual awesome selves. Eddie getting involved makes me think a fourway would have been a better option, but there’s nothing wrong with three guys flying all over the place and firing up the crowd to open up a show.

After the LWO was disbanded, Rey would join forces with Konnan in a hip hop themed group that would eventually become the Filthy Animals. This led to a feud with the country singing group the West Texas Rednecks, including this match at Great American Bash 1999.

Konnan/Rey Mysterio vs. Curt Hennig/Bobby Duncum Jr.

Here’s another brilliant WCW moment for you: the Rednecks (officially named the West Texas Rednecks) had a song they performed themselves called Rap Is Crap. Being a southern company, it actually got on a few radio stations in Dixie and was requested a few times. Cool, free publicity right?

Now a smart company would release it as a single, maybe make a few dollars and possibly turn the Rednecks face right? Well since it’s WCW, they sent the radio stations cease and desist letters for using their material without permission. Vince may be crazy and not get it a lot of the time, but you know he’s know how to capitalize on something like that.

Anyway, Rey is Cruiserweight Champion and he and Konnan come out in gas masks. Konnan and Rey clear the ring quickly and Master P slaps Hennig in the back of the head. Konnan and Duncum start us off and it’s off to Rey quickly. He speeds things up but jumps into a backbreaker. Powerbomb brings in Hennig. Rey gets beaten down and I think we’re already into the middle of the match.

Konnan tries to come in but it allows for double teaming on the outside. Rey goes into the barricade and is in trouble. We keep looking at Master P to try desperately to validate paying him. SWEET standing dropkick takes Rey down. After a long beating, Konnan comes in but the referee missed the tag. The beating continues and Rey tries an Asai moonsault which doesn’t work.

Rey finally takes the leg out and there’s the tag to Konnan. Things break down and Hennig messes something up in the corner. I think it was miscommunication or something but it wasn’t all that bad. Bronco Buster hits him (called the Rough Rider here) and Konnan is down on the floor. Barry Windham runs out but one of the No Limit Soldiers runs in and hits Duncum for the pin for Rey.

Rating: C-. Again technically fine, but it would set up more of this feud later. Again though, they had no idea what the face/heel dynamic was supposed to be here and it didn’t really work at all. The match itself was ok, but I’m still not sure why this was on PPV. I’ve watched a little over an hour of this show and nothing at all has jumped out as being anything beyond a Nitro match.

Mysterio would get hurt again near the end of 1999 so we’ll jump ahead to July 2000 in one of those matches that can only happen in 2000 WCW. From July 24 on Nitro.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action vs. Perfect Event vs. Natural Born Thrillers

The teams are Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera, Hugh Morrus/Lash Leroux (Captain Rection and Corporal Cajun, which I won’t be calling them), Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo and Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak respectfully. This is in the Caged Heat cage, which is WCW’s name for Hell in a Cell. It’s escape only and the last team in the cage is out of the four way title match at New Blood Rising. Palumbo immediately goes for the door but gets caught and beaten down just as fast. Konnan is on commentary here.

This is more like a battle royal than a cage match to start, as everyone is beating on everyone at once. O’Haire hits the first big spot of the match, firing off the Seanton (Swanton) Bomb on Morrus. There are no covers in this as it’s escape only remember. The fighting continues as we see Rey and Juvi hiding in the corner of the cage. That’s pretty smart when you think about it.

Palumbo hits a jumping back elbow on Morrus and in the chaos, the Thrillers both walk out and advance to the PPV. Rey goes up for a cross body onto Stasiak but Stasiak catches him in mid air. That’s more power than he usually shows. Juvy dropkicks Rey onto Stasiak, sending Shawn to the floor, where he and Palumbo make their escape. We’re down to the Filthy Animals vs. the Misfits.

Morrus loads up the No Laughing Matter moonsault but Juvy makes the save. The Bronco Buster keeps Morrus down….and then things stop making sense as the Perfect Event lock the cage. No explanation is given for this but I guess it makes sense in Russo’s mind. Mark Madden pulls out some bolt cutters for Konnan who doesn’t use them immediately. The match basically stops as Disco Inferno of the Animals goes up top and opens a door on top of the cage.

Back in the ring the Animals set up a ladder because this match isn’t overbooked enough yet. They beat down the Misfits so they can climb the ladder and dive on them again. You know, because going through the opening in the roof would make too much sense. Everyone is down after the dive and for a second we actually get a breather. Morrus is up first and climbs the ladder to escape, only to be stomped on by Disco who is still on top of the cage.

Rey climbs up and it’s Juvi vs. Lash, the latter of which has done next to nothing in this match. Konnan finally cuts the lock off the door as Morrus fights off Rey and Disco (Rey is a heel here, if that gives you any idea how stupid this company was) as the other two walk out the door. So now there’s no one in the cage but the match continues. Tony: “We’re completely lost.”

There’s a table set up on the floor and Morrus teases diving off the top through Juvi through said table, but Rey stops him from killing himself. Juvy gets up and stands the table against the cage before sending Lash through it. Morrus and Rey go back through the roof and down into the ring again because….well why not? It doesn’t last long though as Morrus counters a rana into a powerbomb to escape and…..win I guess?

Rating: W. As in WHAT? Where in the world do I begin? First of all, why would you have a big match like this to qualify for another match? Second, why would you have a match like this to eliminate someone? Third, why didn’t the match end when everyone was out of the cage? Fourth, if they could go through the door only, WHY WOULD THEY GO ON THE FREAKING ROOF?

Fifth, why would this match be on Nitro instead of on the PPV? Sixth, why did it take Konnan so long to open the door? Seventh, why did Madden have bolt cutters? Eighth, why were the first two teams in this in the first place? Ninth, who thought Rey as a heel was a good idea? Finally, WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

With WCW dying around him, Mysterio found himself contending for a Cruiserweight Tag Team Title. He would get his shot on the last Nitro on March 26, 2001.

Cruiserweight Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Elix Skipper/Kid Romeo

This was the final of the tournament to give us the original champions, 8 days prior. The announcers continue to insist how much WCW loves young guys. Romeo never did anything at all but Skipper wound up in TNA. Kidman and Mysterio I think you know of. Hot tags to Rey and Skipper as it’s pretty clear that this is going to be another 3 minute or so match.

Scott points out that the champions were just thrown together. Bronco Buster to Elix (really Elix?) and it turns into a huge mess. Rey with a springboard falling headbutt for two but Skipper makes the save. More near falls follow and Kidman gets out of Skipper’s Play of the Day and hits the Kid Crusher (Killswitch) for the final title reign in the history of the belts.

Rating: B-. Another 4 minute yet still entertaining match. I remember when the titles were announced that more or less no one wanted to see them but when did that stop WCW? This wasn’t anything special at all but it was pretty solid I guess. Skipper and Romeo were just thrown together and told they were the best team. The belts lasted 8 days so it’s not like they meant anything.

Mysterio would head to WWE in the summer of 2002 with his first major match taking place at Summerslam 2002.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey beat Angle in a tag match and has been an annoyance for him lately. This is right after Mysterio debuted as part of probably the best year for new talent in company history. In 2002 WWE got Mysterio, Brock Lesnar, Batista, Randy Orton and a guy named Cena. This is when Rey’s knees weren’t held together by glue so it should be awesome. Rey comes in from behind and takes Angle down with a quick springboard dropkick but he has to go to the ropes to escape the ankle lock. An early 619 attempt misses and Angle pulls him to the floor. Very fast start.

Angle kicks at the leg as they come back in. An uppercut staggers Rey and a wheelbarrow suplex puts him down. Rey grabs the rope to avoid a German and gets a quick two off a rollup. Kurt gets two off a backbreaker and bends Rey’s back around the ropes. The fans are all over Angle but he shrugs off some forearms and catches a headscissors into a side slam for two.

Off to a wicked half crab on Rey but he somehow sneaks out and gets two off a rollup. Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline, only to get caught in a jawbreaker. Rey tries to speed things up but walks into the overhead belly to belly. There go the straps but Rey armdrags out of the Angle Slam and sends Angle to the floor. Rey loads up a dive but the referee stops him, drawing the most heat of the night. Mysterio will have none of that and dives OVER THE REFEREE to take Angle out.

Back in and a springboard legdrop gets two as the crowd is on fire. Rey tries a victory roll but gets caught in the ankle lock. Mysterio rolls out and send Angle to the ropes for the 619. The West Coast Pop gets a VERY close two and a spinwheel kick puts Angle down again. Mysterio goes up top but Angle runs the ropes for the suplex, only to have Rey flip over him but he tweaks the ankle on the landing. He’s fine enough to pop back up and dropkick Angle on the corner though and he loads up a hurricanrana. Angle falls forward on it though and the ankle lock is good for the submission.

Rating: A-. EXCELLENT opener here with Mysterio showing he could hang with anyone in the company. He really was amazing to watch when he wasn’t banged up and bloated like he is today and this might be his best match ever. This was a great choice for an opener and both guys looked amazing.

He was in the match of the year at No Mercy 2002.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Edge vs. Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle

This was the undisputed match of the year so this more or less has to be awesome. Edge is about as hot as possible here and Rey is pretty new here. Yeah he had been around only three months or so here. Edge is just straight up awesome here and the whole thing is just greatness. Angle vs. Rey to start us off. We have what, about 25 world titles in there? Angle takes him to the mat and slaps him in the back of the head to be a jerk.

Kurt is really the only heel in this match. He literally throws Rey into his own corner because he wants a grownup apparently. Rey won’t tag out though because he wants Angle. They had a great opener at Summerslam so this works for me. Rey can’t get out of much of anything so he steps on Kurt’s foot and hits him with what can only be called an FU.

He busts out the speed and slaps Angle in the back of the head just like Kurt did earlier. The announce table being in pieces is funny for some reason. Here’s Edge to a big old pop. This is before Edge hurt his neck so he’s a totally different worker here. Off to Benoit now. Expect a LOT of play by play here as if the reviews I’ve heard are any indication there isn’t going to be much to make fun of.

The Canadians do a much more technical sequence and it’s a lot more entertaining than you would think a side headlock should be. Edge gets a knee to Benoit’s ribs and focuses on them for a while. Flapjack and a rollup get two. And there’s a knee from Kurt as Edge hits the ropes to give Benoit an advantage. They try the same thing again but Edge spears him this time.

Benoit and Angle double team Edge in a very nice sequence. Back to Angle now. The fans are all over him which is always good to hear. Better for them to be making noise at all than to be bored. Rear naked choke to Edge and Rey is getting antsy. Tazz adds in something by saying Angle is making sure Edge is facing his partner to mess with his head. Nicely done Mr. suplex machine.

Edge gets a big boot but walks into a belly to belly for two and here’s Chris again. Here are the rolling Germans as Edge is getting the tar beaten out of him. Benoit goes a little heel by drilling Rey to keep him from making the save. Benoit goes up for the headbutt and down he comes off a big old superplex.

There’s the big tag to Rey and he cranks things WAY up. The good thing is that he’s in there against two guys that can do the same thing. He sets Benoit for a Bronco Buster but goes with a running dropkick instead. HUH-FREAKING-ZAH! Rey and Benoit crank things up ever more but Benoit gets a counter and hooks up the Crossface until Edge finally saves.

Edge vs. Angle on the floor along with Benoit and Rey in the ring. 619 is blocked by Benoit but Edge hits a missile dropkick to drive Rey onto Benoit for a long two. This is all happening at a very fast pace. Rey goes up but Angle JUMPS from the mat to the top for the HUGE belly to belly off the top for another long two. Benoit’s face is like WHAT at that.

Angle in now vs. Rey as things slow down a bit. Rey starts a bit of a comeback but gets caught in a quick suplex and crashes for two. Back to the short and crazy Canadian now. After more of a beating Rey gets a headscissors to send Benoit into the post and we get double tags to bring in Edge vs. Kurt. Edge-O-Matic gets two and everyone is back in again.

Spear in the corner to Benoit and there’s the Bronco Buster. I withdraw my former HUZZAH! Spear in the corner again to Angle and Edge sits him on the middle rope. Rey runs at Edge who throws him into the air for a big old rana. Benoit looks to save with the diving headbutt but it crushes Angle and only gets two. Angle busts out a German from nowhere for two. He shouts at Edge to go to the middle which Edge does.

In a VERY nice spot, Rey runs at Edge who belly to bellies him into Angle to take down the bald one. That’s what he gets for calling spots that loudly. Benoit saves the spear and grabs the Crossface and Edge is in trouble but he gets a rope. He won’t let go so Rey hits a 619 out of somewhere. Angle Slam takes out Rey and Angle locks on the ankle lock.

Edge kicks off and grabs a small package for two. Spear gets two as Benoit saves and Rey takes out Benoit. Rey gets a running start at Edge again and Edge catches him and gives him a very nice launch into a moonsault to take out Benoit. SICK counter out of the Edgecution by Angle into the ankle lock. Edge counters that into an ankle lock of his own but Angle is all like OH NO YOU DIDN’T and counters into an ankle lock for the tap out and the titles. Sweet goodness as Cole says he’s going to applaud them for it.

Rating: A+. OH YES. Now this is what you get when you have two teams out there that are young and moving as fast as they can to make something look awesome. Smackdown was supposed to be the wrestling show back then and it certainly was. This would be part of a series of matches that made Smackdown completely awesome around this time and it was a treat to watch.

Since Mysterio has been around for a long time, we’ll skip ahead to the 2004 Royal Rumble with Mysterio defending his Cruiserweight Title.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

After an uninteresting feud with the Dudleys, Mysterio would team up with Rob Van Dam and go after the Smackdown Tag Titles. They would win the belts in December and defend them at Armageddon 2004.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki

The more famous guys are the champions here. They’ve been champions for like two days here so this is pretty new territory. Suzuki was rather annoying and never went anywhere and Dupree was the same only he had some minor success. This is a rematch from Thursday so there’s your brief title history for the day. Rob and Kenzo start us off. Technical stuff to start but Kenzo tries to speed it up and that just doesn’t work well at all.

Off to Rey who hits a springboard cross body for two. Off to Dupree as the challengers take over. Rey tries to do his speed stuff but Rene kicks him in the face to take over. Nothing wrong with simple offense like that. 619 is loaded up but Suzuki makes the save. Rey almost gets a sunset bomb to the floor and with an assist from Rob he pulls it off. Dupree gets caught on the railing and Rob does the spinning leg to the back.

The champions get some decent double teaming stuff to take Dupree down and there’s Rolling Thunder but it’s broken up. Rey tries a seated senton to Dupree and totally misses him to the point where the crowd goes half silent off of it. Kenzo is back in now and stomps away on Van Dam. After a solid beating Rob gets a spinwheel kick in to bring in Rey. The challengers get a nice double team into a Stunner across the top rope into a more or less reverse powerbomb to Rey.

Torrie comes out to take care of Kenzo’s wife Hiroko but Kenzo has Rey down anyway. Knee drop gets two. Rey almost escapes to make the tag but Suzuki makes the last second save. Dupree comes in and there’s the required USA chant. Bow and arrow hold goes on and Rene makes another last second save to break the tag to Rob. Rey escapes a suplex and tries to dive between Rene’s legs but he gets blocked.

Solid tag formula stuff going on here as they’re keeping one guy down for a very long time which is the right idea out there, especially in a match where they have a lot of time like this one. The destruction of Rey continues as even after getting a big kick to Kenzo, Rene makes the save. A slam sets up the French Tickler which gives me nightmares to this day. Rene gets ranaed into the post and there’s the hot tag. Split legged moonsault gets two. There’s a Rolling Thunder/Slingshot Legdrop for two. The champions speed things up a lot and a sunset flip attempt sets up a double 619. Five Star ends Rene for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not bad here as they 17 minutes they had didn’t feel that long at all which is always a perk. This is what Smackdown was about back in the day: long matches where you can get stuff together and have a solid match. Old school formula stuff here with some high flying and speed in there also, making this a good match and a solid opener. Unfortunately this is one of two matches that go over ten minutes all night.

Rey would rekindle his feud with Eddie Guerrero over Eddie being obsessed with defeating Mysterio. This led to the infamous ladder match at Summerslam, but since that has been covered to death, we’ll look at Judgment Day 2005.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Cole apologizes for being biased in this match. That’s chuckle worthy given what would come from Cole in like 5 years. Dominic is at ringside and the fans are behind Eddie. Eddie forces a handshake and Rey is getting madder and madder. Rey finally snaps and hammers away as the bell rings. He gets things going and hits the bulldog for two. We keep stopping so Eddie can smile at Dominic.

Eddie goes up but gets crotched and Rey snaps off a hurricanrana. This time Guerrero crotches Rey but Rey counters with a rana and hits the 619 to the ribs. Seated senton gets two. Eddie rolls to the floor to panic a bit then goes up to Dominic. Rey finally remembers that his mortal enemy is hugging his son and goes out for the save. Eddie hides behind him and tells Rey to get on his knees and beg.

Rey of course does and Eddie of course blasts him, because good guys are idiots in wrestling. Cole goes on a rant about how Eddie is getting off on this manipulation. Eddie is dominating here and not much is going on. Rey is basically fighting on instinct and trying to stay alive. Keep in mind that this whole match is based on the idea that if Eddie, the evil psychopathic villain loses, he gives his word he won’t say something. I mean you KNOW he’d never lie about that right?

Gory Stretch is on but Rey counters. He can’t follow up though and Eddie sends him to the floor. Eddie goes after Dominic and Rey speeds up again, taking over with a few shots. Rey grabs a tornado DDT for two. 619 hits but Eddie avoids the Dropping the Dime. Three Amigos hit but Rey rolls away before Eddie jumps for the Frog Splash. He makes it Six Amigos and the last one is a brainbuster. Now the Frog Splash hits but Eddie would rather look at Dominic, allowing Rey to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: C. The problem here is that the match runs about 15 minutes and about three of those minutes were spent looking at Dominic or Eddie stalking him. The problem is that this was based too much on emotion and the match was pretty much devoid of energy or interest. Naturally this feud would continue as Eddie would reveal that he’s the father of Dominic, setting up the line of “the following contest is for the custody of Dominic!”

Eddie would pass away in November so Rey dedicated an attempt at winning the Smackdown Title to his memory. His main attempt was at the 2006 Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Rey’s title match was at Wrestlemania XXII.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

P.O.D. plays Rey to the ring. Rey comes out in some freaky looking eagle headdress which I guess is a Mexican thing. During Angle’s entrance, Orton grabs the belt from the referee and blasts Kurt in the face to send him to the floor. Rey tries a springboard cross body but Orton dropkicks him out of the air for two. Angle is back in now for a German suplex on Orton before suplexing BOTH GUYS AT ONCE. Angle is amazing, period.

Orton hits his backbreaker on Angle for two of his own as this is very fast paced to start. A belly to belly puts Orton down and Kurt puts Randy on the top for something, but Rey charges at Angle to break it up. Angle instead launches Rey up at Randy who is taken down in a SWEET hurricanrana by the masked dude. The ankle lock to Orton is quickly broken up by Rey and a big kick to Kurt’s head gets two. The fans chant for the 619 but as Rey loads it up, Kurt grabs the legs into the ankle lock with the grapevine.

Orton distracts the referee as Rey taps before finally breaking up the hold. Angle starts busting out the Germans and an Angle Slam puts Rey on the floor. The ankle lock goes on Randy and there’s a grapevine for good measure. Orton taps but now Rey pulls the referee out and covers his eyes in a pretty brilliant move. Back to the ankle lock but Rey drops the dime on Angle to break it up. The fans are booing Rey for some reason.

Mysterio misses a charge into the corner and slams his shoulder into the corner. The Angle Slam to Orton is countered into an RKO but since this is Wrestlemania it only gets two. Randy limps to the top rope for some reason and you just don’t do that with Kurt Angle in the ring. There’s the running up the corner suplex but Rey tries the 619 around the post. I say try because he slips off the apron and has to just kick Angle in the head for two.

Angle is kicked to the floor and there’s an over the shoulder backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two on Rey. I love that move. Randy loads up the RKO but gets Angle Slammed for two for Kurt. The Angle Slam to Rey is escaped and an armdrag sends Angle to the floor. The 619 and West Coast Pop to Orton give Mysterio the title.

Rating: C-. Uh…..what? No seriously, where’s the rest of this match? The Smackdown World Title match with a new champion gets less than nine and a half minutes at Wrestlemania? It was entertaining while it lasted, but there are Smackdown main events that get twice the amount of time this got. Was Rey ever even in trouble in this match? I’m guessing the match got cut short, but we had nearly 20 minutes for Vince to get beaten up? This is a head scratcher if there’s ever been one.

After losing the title a few months later, Mysterio would feud with Chavo Guerrero. The feud was a way to write him off TV for knee surgery, putting him out about ten months. He would come back in the fall of 2007 and quickly be in the World Title hunt, including this match at Unforgiven 2007.

Smackdown World Title: Great Khali vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista

The challengers go right at Khali but Rey is sent to the floor quickly. JBL says that’s good for him which is true as one big man is going to have to take out the other before he can win the match. Khali hammers away on Batista but Rey comes back in to help with the double teaming on the champ again. He even tries to steal a rollup on Batista which ticks Big Dave off.

Seated senton puts Batista down but Khali kicks Rey’s head off to put him down. Here comes the Vice Grip but Batista blocks it. He doesn’t block the chop (hit him in the shoulder) and now the Grip is on. Rey comes in with a chair and man that wasn’t incredibly smart. Rey is out but Khali goes after Batista instead. Khali gets his hands on Rey eventually and the beating begins.

Off to a nerve hold because Khali is foreign and will get sued if he doesn’t waste time with one of them in every match when he could just crack Rey’s head open and win the match easily. There’s the Grip but Dave makes the save. Khali gets tied up in the ropes and Batista goes off which is smart. Batista goes for the Bomb on Rey but Rey counters into the 619. Khali takes one as well as a seated senton but Batista pops up and powerbombs Rey onto Khali. A decent spinebuster to Khali gives Big Dave the title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C-. Keeping this short was its saving grace. Having Rey out there helped things a lot as it gave them a way around having the power vs. power. Batista pinning Khali was a good thing and it could have been a lot worst. At the end of the day though, Batista was just keeping the title warm for Edge who was keeping it warm for Taker. That’s life on Smackdown for you though.

After a brief feud with Edge over the World Heavyweight Championship, Mysterio would miss more time with another injury. His first feud back was with Kane, including this match at Cyber Sunday 2008.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

The options are 2/3 falls, no holds barred or falls count anywhere. This is during the Kane is psycho phase #18 or so this year. No holds barred wins but it’s rather close. Both guys charge early as the ropes are red, white, red. That’s a very odd combination. Rey busts out a kendo stick and some other stuff which doesn’t work. The big guy hits a baseball slide into Rey into the post which looked cool.

This angle was never really explained other than Kane didn’t like the mask. I have never been able to get into this feud at all and I still can’t now. It makes Kane look like a bumbling idiot when he barely ever beats a guy the size of Rey. At least he got the clean win last week at Summerslam. Kane’s rest holds look awful here as it looks like his arms are just on Rey with no pressure at all.

We hear about his big heart and I continue to say he needs to see a cardiologist about that. More stuff on the back as this is just dull. Rey makes his standard comeback and hits an enziguri that just happens to put Kane on the middle rope. They remember that this is a no holds barred match and Kane gets a chair. Rey is swashbuckling now. Oh dear. Where’s Paul Burchill when you really need him?

Rey hits a chair shot and Kane is up at one. He jumps into Kane’s uppercut for two as Kane is controlling again. We bring in the stairs as this really isn’t much of anything at all. The weapons use is helping a bit but it’s still weak. Drop toehold into the steps and a seated senton gets two. The chair shots set up the 619 which is countered again. Third time it and the springboard splash end it.

Rating: D. Yawn. These two are just completely boring together. What a shock: Rey beats a monster that on paper he shouldn’t have a chance against. These matches were so predictable and I’ve never been able to get into them. Also, this was supposed to be a no holds barred match and it just failed for the most part on that front. Bad match overall.

Mysterio would then go after the Intercontinental Title and win it at Wrestlemania. He would feud with Chris Jericho, defending the title against him at Extreme Rules 2009.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

This was one of the matches that brought credibility back to the belt. Rey is defending here. Jericho’s voice says he’s not there but up here, which is at the merchandise stand. He says Mysterio is encouraging deception by having WWE sell the masks. He does the walking to the ring through the crowd promo which is always awesome. This was when Jericho was still just completely amazing with this gimmick and even I was loving him.

Jericho wants Rey’s mask. These two tore the world apart with great matches so this should be great. Both guys know about 100 styles and can mix them up really well so I’m looking forward to this. Actually I’m not as it’s started so I’m looking at it but with a happy grin I guess. Oh and this is no holds barred for the gimmick. We start on the floor with Rey throwing pieces of a table at Jericho. They’re going at a fast pace here which is very clearly working for them.

This is one of those matches that is hard to make jokes about because you know it’s going to be good. Rey hits a nice plancha from the top to the floor. JR says Rey is being aggressive. That’s true I suppose. Actually yeah it is true. It’s strange to see Jericho being the bigger guy. We get some decent talking about the customs and traditions associated with the mask in Lucha Libre, which is very interesting stuff when someone like Tenay talks about it.

When Grisham talks about it he sounds like someone giving a high school presentation. Rey takes a Gordbuster on the floor. Dang that would have hurt. Jericho goes for the mask and you get a perfectly clean shot of Rey’s face. Ah never mind. I didn’t realize I had flipped over to a WCW show where he didn’t have it on for a long time. You get a good face shot here too but this one was less intentional I think. A really good suicide dive takes Jericho out as this has been high impact and back and forth.

What more can you ask for? The fans are appreciative of this too which always makes me smile. Jericho gets a spinning rack thing for a long two. Lionsault of course misses and Rey gets the 619. He jumps into a Codebreaker though and we’re about at even. The looks Jericho does are great. Jericho has a chair. Maybe he wants to give Rey a lap dance. Oh I forgot this was no holds barred. That explains the lack of a DQ for the chair use from both guys.

Rey sets up the chair and gets a running start but is caught in the Walls. Somehow he gets the chair and drills Jericho. Nice shot too. Rey goes for the 619 but Jericho manages to pull the mask off. Since Rey is desperately covering his face, the rollup by Jericho ends it.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here with them going back and forth with all kinds of stuff. The chair played a very limited role which makes the stipulation fairly pointless, but still this match worked so well that I can’t complain. It’s not like it didn’t get used at all so I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. This match was great though as it turns out that when you put two guys in the ring and let them just go, things turn out well.

Time to go after the World Heavyweight Championship again, this time at the 2010 Royal Rumble.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

He got another shot at Fatal Fourway.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

Striker keeps calling him the Giant Big Show. Sure why not? Punk sends the SES to the back. Rey is still annoying. No way Swagger wins here, at least I don’t think. Everybody gangs up on Show to start and it doesn’t work at all. Oh look: Rey vs. Show. This has NEVER been done before. Nope not even close.

So once they all try to beat him up, Rey takes him down on his own. Oh dear. They all gang up on Show and get him to the floor. Lawler says would you ever believe you would see Punk and Rey working together. Cole: I can’t believe Punk and Rey are getting along!” I hate Cole sometimes. I truly do.

It’s Rey vs. Swagger now as we’re doing the regular formula of one on one while two guys are down, which is understandable at least. Mysterio and Punk are both in yellow. Punk suplexes Rey as Swagger suplexes Punk. Nice spot there. Gutwrench doesn’t work on Punk and neither does the 619 as Show is back.

In a HILARIOUS botch, Cole says Show goes for Rey as he’s the smallest man in the match and that Show made no mistake there. Shame that it’s Punk and not Rey. GTS hits on Swagger in a surprising power move. And that’s Kane’s cue, complete with casket. Kane goes for Punk and into the casket peasant! Gallows makes the save and Punk runs. Sure why not. 619 hits Swagger and the springboard splash wins him the world title. DANG IT!

Rating: B-. As much as I can’t stand the ending, this was a pretty solid match. They had me guessing at the ending for the majority of the match which is the idea. The fans popped huge for it so they have the right idea there. This was a solid match, but DANG I hate this choice. I truly do.

The title reign wouldn’t last long as Kane took the belt a month later. Mysterio would fail to get it back in the coming months before moving into a feud with Cody Rhodes, culminating with a match at Wrestlemania XXVII.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Cody used to be Dashing but then Rey hit him with the 619 and the knee brace hit Cody in the face, scarring him and requiring facial surgery. Cody basically became Dr. Doom but in reality his face was fine. However he wanted Rey’s mask for retribution. This was an AWESOME character but of course WWE would wind up wasting the entire thing and make Cody a jobber because they got bored with him after a few months. Still though, this part was awesome.

Oh yeah the match. Rey comes out as Captain America this year which is an awesome looking costume for him. Rey is almost immediately sent to the apron but comes in off the top with a dropkick to take over. A forearm to Rey’s face takes over and Cody goes after the knee brace which caused the initial injury. Rey kicks his way out of the corner but Cody headbutts him in the face to take over again because of the hard mask.

The Disaster Kick to the head puts Rey down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Cody charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with the Alabama Slam for two. Back to the knee brace for a second before Cody hits a running knee to the back of Rey’s head to keep him down. Mysterio is sent to the apron again and goes up top, only to be sent down in a delayed superplex. Cody stomps away and talks about how Rey hurt his face.

Rey escapes Cross Rhodes and sends Cody out to the floor for a baseball slide to the face. A headscissors sends Cody into the apron and we head back inside to speed things up. Rey hooks a quick quick rollup for two and fires off a kick to the face. Cody charges into a kick to the ribs but comes back with a release German suplex for two. A springboard headscissors puts Cody down but the 619 is caught in mid kick. Cody slingshots Rey’s throat into the middle rope for two more and now the knee brace is removed.

Rey comes right back with a moonsault press for two of his own and Cody loses his mask. The 619 hits and a hard kick to Cody’s head gets two more. Now Mysterio puts Cody’s mask on and hits a few headbutts with it before hitting a top rope headbutt to the chest for two. Cody rolls to the floor and sneaks in a shot to the face with the knee brace, followed up by Cross Rhodes for the upset pin.

Rating: B-. Good match here and pretty easily Cody’s biggest win ever to this point. Cody needed this win a lot more than Mysterio and it made him even more awesome than he already was before this match. Mysterio had nothing to gain here and it was a pleasant sight to see the hotter star go over like that.

Rey would enter a tournament for the vacant WWE Championship and make it to the finals on Raw, July 25, 2011.

WWE Championship Tournament Final: Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Most of the roster is watching in the back. Big match intros occur as they should. Feeling out process to start and Rey takes over with some speed. Miz counters a rana to launch Rey into the top turnbuckle to change momentum. It’s probably a good thing that they waited a week to let them rest up. Corner clothesline gets two for Miz. Knee to the ribs gets the same.

Miz sends him to the floor and adds a baseball slide to keep Rey down. The fans are totally behind Rey here as is probably expected. With Rey on the apron facing down Miz misses a kick but gets sent into the steps shoulder first. Both guys are down as we take a break. Back with Miz holding a chinlock and the third anti-politics line from the announcers. Miz takes him to the corner but Rey fights him off and goes up.

Seated senton hits and Rey speeds things up. Springboard spinning cross body gets two. Miz drills him in the ribs but a sunset flip doesn’t work. Rey can’t kick him in the head with that swinging kick and Miz grabs a DDT for two. A big boot gets the same. It’s been about 80-90% Miz in this match. Victory roll gets two for the masked man. A dropkick to the knee looks to set up the 619 but Miz ducks.

Miz tries a powerbomb near the ropes but Rey counters into another rana attempt. That doesn’t work as Miz hits a pretty sweet slingshot sitout powerbomb for a close two. Miz loads up the Finale but Rey climbs up onto the corner and elbows his way out of it. He gets caught in the Tree of Woe though and Miz drives in some knees. A charging knee hits the buckle though and Rey hits a rana to set up the 619. Top rope splash gives Rey the title clean at 13:20.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but it wasn’t quite epic or anything. This felt like any TV main event. It’s a good match but Rey just hit his finishers and won the title. I did like the selling of the knee from last week which is a very nice touch. Either way, good stuff here and fine for a TV title match.

Mysterio would miss nearly a year soon after this and come back to challenge for the Intercontinental Title at Night of Champions 2012.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Sin Cara vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

Before the match, Miz complains about having to be in this and says that he’s going to file a complaint against Booker T for making him do this. Miz is champion coming in if you’re new at this. Rey is sent to the floor to start but Cara sends Cody to the floor as well before armdragging Miz outside too. Cody and Rey come back in as Cara drops to the mat for no apparent reason.

It’s time for the masked guys to fight. I know this has been a match people have wanted to see and I’m not really sure why. Rey takes Cara down for two but Cody makes the save. The unmasked guys go at it for awhile and everything breaks down. Rey goes up but takes too long so Cara goes after him. The Disaster Kick hits Cara but Miz breaks up a superplex so he can hook a Tower of Doom which gets two on Rey. Miz sends Cody to the floor as the fans sound like they’re chanting for Cody.

The short DDT gets two on Rey but Cara comes back with some high flying stuff to send Miz to the floor, followed by a big dive. Rey hits a headscissors on Cody on the floor followed by a seated senton off the apron. Cara gets two on the champ off a slingshot senton but he gets sent into the corner for the corner clothesline from Miz. Rey comes in with a kind of Vader Bomb for two (why has that move become so popular lately?) but Cody jumps him from behind for two of his own.

Cara puts Cody in 619 position but gets sent into the post by Miz. Miz goes after Rey but winds up taking the 619 instead. The top rope splash gets two for Rey on Miz but Cody saves. Cody tries to steal the pin on Miz but Cara saves. Cody goes for Cara’s mask but Rey saves. Rey gets sent to the floor with his sliding bump and Cara hits Cody in the head with an enziguri from the apron.

Cara tries to put another mask on Cody but Miz runs in and hits a backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for two on Cara. Miz tries to powerbomb Cara but Cara puts the mask on him instead. Cody tries Cross Rhodes on Cara but Miz bumps into them (he can’t see because of the mask) and hits the Finale on Cody for the pin to retain at 12:42.

Rating: B-. This was a great choice for an opener as they hit a great streak of near falls and saves in there. The ending was creative but I’m really not sure what it added. Miz pinning Cody doesn’t mean anything significant and he would have hit the Finale on him in that situation if he could see or not. Good opener here which got the crowd fired up.

Rey would miss ANOTHER eight months in 2013 so we’ll wrap this up with a match on Smackdown, January 17, 2014.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

Before the match Rey talks about Del Rio being afraid of Batista, sending Del Rio into a frenzy to start. He wraps Rey’s arm around the rope but gets sent outside for Rey’s sliding splash under the bottom rope. Back in and Del Rio crotches Rey down to tie him up in the Tree of Woe for a kick to the ribs as we take a break. Back with Rey hitting a top rope seated senton, only to run into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two.

JBL talks about George Washington for some reason as Rey rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Del Rio in the head for two. The corner enziguri brings Rey down from the top again but Del Rio can’t pin him. Rey comes back with a tornado DDT for two of his own but Del Rio hits the Codebreaker on the arm. The armbreaker is countered into the 619 but the top rope splash hits knees. Del Rio loads up the low superkicks but Rey counters into a rollup for the pin at 8:25.

Rating: C+. This took time to get going but the last few minutes were good back and forth stuff. It was a nice change of pace for Del Rio to not be on the arm the entire way through, even though he stayed on the arm as is his custom. This was way better than their basic match on Raw, which is nice as they have chemistry together.

It’s hard t deny that Mysterio is the greatest cruiserweight of all time. His matches back in 1996 and 1997 are still as good as any lightweight matches I’ve ever seen and he wound up winning World Titles in WWE. The injuries have caught up to him terribly though as he’s missed years with various ailments. When he could move though, there was no one as exciting to watch.

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