I’m watching the True Story of Wrestlemania and they brought up a great point about the match that I hadn’t considered before.While the match was great, it did something far more important: it invented the Wrestlemania moment.
Think back for a bit. Wrestlemania II didn’t have anything that really stands out. You could go with Liberace at Wrestlemania I or maybe the main event itself but those pale in comparison to Savage vs. Steamboat. It established the concept of the really other good match on the card that everyone wanted to see and could be remembered aside from the big main event. That idea has been a standard for Wrestlemania almost every year and something almost everyone looks forward to.
The match is great and one of the best ever, but it’s more important than good.
Finally Caught The Paul Heyman Documentary
Yeah I’m a bit behind on these things. There’s not much to say here but I have three notes.
1. Yeah it really is as good as people say it is. It’s interesting that two of the best documentaries they’ve ever had have focused on something related to ECW. Heyman may not be the most popular guy in the history of wrestling, but he’s one of the most fascinating stories the business has ever seen.
2. I’ll go conservative and estimate about 75% of what he said was a lie.
3. “He does everything Vince hates. He yells too much, he keeps going forever and he never lets the story breathe.”
– Stephanie McMahon, who may in fact be the most delusional, clueless and least self-aware person to ever appear on a WWE television show.
I Checked Out Signature Sounds
The documentary about WWE music.
This is one of the shows in the series that I had been really looking forward to watching and it was actually far better than I was expecting. It’s another countdown format but with WWE music king Jim Johnston hosting (kind of) and talking about each song. As someone with as much musical talent as a Coke machine, it’s fascinating to see someone who has put together this many different kinds of songs and made a lot of really catchy stuff. I mean, the guy made songs for everyone from Fandango to Undertaker to Orton and a lot of points in between.
If nothing else, it’s awesome to see someone pick up a guitar or sit down at a piano and make WWE songs come out. You can tell this guy is really, really good at what he does and it’s clear that he knows exactly what he’s talking about when he breaks down the process of the songs and what was going through his head when he put them together. The countdown has some rather questionable picks for a top 25 (Prime Time Players? No DiBiase?) and the worst part about this it’s only a little over 50 minutes long. This really could have done better without so many comments from wrestlers and a lot more from Johnston as he literally wrote about 90% of WWE music over the years.
Assuming he didn’t request it, this somehow got him a job writing soundtracks for WWE Films. Anyway, it’s really cool to see something like this instead of the 19th rehashing of the Monday Night Wars or the career of someone we’ve covered to death. I’d love to see more behind the scenes stuff like this as the entrance music is something taken for granted a lot of the time, but it really can push someone over the top. Check this out if it’s something you even only kind of care about as it’s really interesting and less than an hour total.
$25 WWE Shop.com Card
Make me an offer. I’ll take the first reasonable one I get.
Monday Night Raw – March 3, 2003: We’ll Get There One Way Or Another
Monday Night Raw Date: March 3, 2003
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the week after Rock showed why he’s one of the best of all time and now it’s time for a showdown with Steve Austin. While Steve might not be the star he once was, those two around Wrestlemania time never gets old. On top of that, we’ll get an update on HHH vs. Booker T. at the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.
We open with Bischoff in the back with Rico and 3 Minute Warning. They’re instructed to keep Austin out of the building tonight. Why do the evil authority figures hire such lame help?
Here’s Booker T. to get things going. Last week he won the battle royal to go to Wrestlemania but here are Flair HHH to interrupt before he can get a minute in. HHH thinks Booker is a bit confused. Yeah Booker is going to Wrestlemania, but someone “like you” doesn’t get to be a World Champion. That’s reserved for people like HHH because Booker is here to entertain instead of compete. HHH asks for a little dance because people like Booker, “with your nappy hair and your SUCKAS” are very good at entertaining. The idea of Booker challenging HHH for the title makes the champ laugh.
Yeah Booker was a five time WCW World Champion but that title is a joke. That was back during the time when David Arquette and Vince Russo were World Champion, meaning Booker championshipped that place right into the ground. Booker wants to go to Wrestlemania to face the best in the world and he’ll do what people like him always do: lose. Booker finally gets to talk and says somebody like him is going to take that title at Wrestlemania. HHH: “Well good luck brother.” HHH reminds Booker that he has Scott Steiner tonight and would be surprised if Booker makes it to Wrestlemania.
Allow me to pause and say WOW. I remember watching this back in the day and feeling uncomfortable with it, but this is mind blowing stuff now. I mean…..HHH just basically said a black man can’t win the title. Yeah later on they would change it to HHH meaning an ex-convict, but there is NO spinning what he was going with here. It was flat out “Booker, you’re black” without actually saying it and I can’t believe they didn’t bail on it by the end of the show.
Jeff Hardy vs. Christian
Fallout from Jeff’s failed save attempt last week. Jeff jumps him to start and hammers away in the corner before jumping to the floor and pulling Christian face first onto the apron. A top rope dive puts Christian down again as Lawler talks about Hardy being frustrated lately. What appears to be a moonsault is broken up as Hardy gets crotched on top for two and the fans go mild. We hit the abdominal stretch as JR gets in a Wilbur Snyder reference. That goes as far as most abdominal stretches go so Jeff comes back with the Whisper in the Wind for two. The Twist misses though and the Unprettier is good for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not bad but these two know each other so well that they can have a passable match in their sleep. They were pushing Hardy’s impending heel turn which was an interesting way to go with him, but the fans weren’t quite ready to boo him yet. Christian was starting to rise up the card at this point, which is a good sign as the tag teams were long past done.
In case Austin gets past 3 Minute Warning, Lance Storm is ready for him next.
Chief Morely vs. Spike Dudley
This is the perk of having a minion like Spike around. If he wins here, the Dudleys are unsuspended. Spike jumps him to start and stomps away in the corner, but amazingly enough a guy the size of a Diva with some meat on her bones isn’t enough to stop Morely. The Dudley Dog is countered into a kind of powerbomb for two before stomping away with some force in the corner. See Spike, that’s how it’s done. A suplex and the Money Shot end Spike in a hurry.
Eric wants Christian and Jericho to help guard him against Austin. Why don’t evil bosses ever SEND ALL THE LACKEYS AT ONCE? If there was even an evil guy with a brain, the villains would win every time.
Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Jazz/Victoria
The heels argue over who starts and Trish bulldogs both of them down at once. Jackie and Jazz get things going but Victoria offers a trip, allowing Jazz to take over with a dropkick. A sitout powerslam gets two for Jazz but Victoria kicks Jazz by mistake. Again, GET SMARTER VILLAINS. Victoria comes in for two off a snap suplex but Jackie slips out of a slam and tags in Trish. Everything breaks down and Victoria breaks up the Stratusphere, only to get rolled up for the pin a few seconds later.
Rating: D+. Not much to see here but they set up the Wrestlemania title match well enough. Trish was really starting to figure out how to be the superhero of the division but it’s really distracting with King freaking out that her top is so low cut. Victoria was awesome at this point too and I really want them to just get to the showdown between Victoria and Trish and cut out Jazz and Jackie.
Morely is going to help Storm against Austin.
Coach knocks on Rock’s door (why did it take this long to get to Rock? Why is anyone else on this show?) for an interview. First words from Rock: “Coach, are you on crack?” Rock thinks they might be able to do this Wednesday and sends Coach off with instructions to wash up. The camera follows Rock into his dressing room and sees him get annoyed as the fans boo. He looks for his guitar to soothe his soul but finds Hurricane instead.
After being confused for a second after FINDING HURRICANE SITTING IN HIS LOCKER, Rock asks the obvious question: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THERE??? Hurricane might have seen him walking around without any clothes on. Rock brings up eliminating Hurricane last week and asks about Ronald McDonald and pals. Apparently Rock was screaming something in Hurricane’s ear last week, but Hurricane only heard Rock screaming when Booker threw him out.
That’s just a mistake though because Rock tripped. Fans: “BOO!” Rock: “THE ROCK SAID THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED!!!” Rock goes into a rant about how Hurricane is nothing but his phone goes off in his pocket. Rock: “Excuse the Rock one second. Oh hey buddy.” After hanging up: “It’s nothing! He says he knows you!” Rock gets even better when he sees that Hurricane has braces. Is he going to go sell band candy after the show? Last week, Rock was saying his lines from Scorpion King, which was in I think Arabic.
Rock asks if Hurricane knows what the line means. Hurricane: “If it’s what I saw from behind that curtain, it means that the Scorpion King has a tiny ding-a-ling.” Rock: “WHAT????? AND STOP LAUGHING!!!” We finally get to the point of this: Hurricane thinks Rock is scared of Austin and has had Bischoff sending the goons after him. Hurricane leaves and Rock tells his crotch that it’s the king.
Sweet merciful goodness the Rock is on fire right now, but there’s one thing more important than all others here: he’s having these segments with Hurricane. Not HHH, not Austin, not Undertaker and not Hogan. He’s doing this with someone who has never gotten a break and is just kind of there.
Rock isn’t losing a thing with these segments and is going to have the real main event at Wrestlemania XIX. In other words, he’s giving someone a rub because it’s not going to hurt him and we get an entertaining segment as a result. Why can’t more big names do that? Ah yes, because they’re too busy telling their World Title opponents to dance.
Here’s Chris Jericho for a match with Test, but of course he has something to say. Jericho wants to apologize to Stacy for hitting her in the face with a steel chair a few weeks ago, but he’d rather apologize for her hooking up with a lying cheater like Test. Jericho shows us a clip of Test signing a girl’s chest, which leads to Stacy freaking out. Of course this leads to a plug for the Girls Gone Wild pay per view, but Test charges the ring as Jericho thinks it’s going to be a countout.
Test vs. Chris Jericho
Test goes right for him as Christian follows Stacy out to the ring. That earns Christian a clothesline from Test and a toss over the barricade for some Canadian violence. Back in and a tilt-a-whirl slam plants Chris as this is all Test so far. Since he’s Test though, Jericho quickly counters into a Walls attempt but Test kicks him off. A quick powerbomb drops Jericho but he distracts the referee so Christian can come in with a cheap shot to Test for two. Test plants Jericho with a full nelson slam but has to kick Christian off the apron, allowing Jericho to hit him low and hit the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) for the pin.
Rating: D. This seems like the blowoff to the singles feud as Test either needs to get a partner or they need to split something off into another singles feud. Jericho and Christian were a good team but this was an awkward time for Jericho as he was main eventing Wrestlemania last year but a year later he’s in a midcard tag team.
Post match Jericho and Christian give Test a Conchairto to really knock him out of the story but Shawn Michaels comes out to save Stacy. That earns him a chair to the face as Jericho means business. We actually get some blood to really make the Wrestlemania match clear. Jericho makes it even clearer by holding up the chair but says he wants to end Shawn’s career at Wrestlemania.
Goldust arrives (an hour and ten minutes into the show) and freaks out 3 Minute Warning.
Christopher Nowitski wants to help fight Austin but gets a surprise 3D for his efforts.
Scott Steiner vs. Booker T.
They slug it out to start with Steiner getting the better of it until Booker nails the flying forearm. He’s still no Tito Santana. The ax kick misses so Steiner nails the Namesake Line and a belly to belly. It seems that Steiner has morphed into a heel in the span of a week. The elbow into the push-ups gets two but Booker comes back with a running elbow.
The side kick out of the corner looks to set up the Spinarooni but Steiner plows over him because Booker is kneeling in the middle of the ring with his back to his opponent. Cue HHH and Flair as Steiner is bleeding from the eye. That goes nowhere so Booker botches the sunset flip out of the corner for the pin.
Rating: D. My goodness how did Steiner convince anyone to keep him around after those HHH matches and then this one? They’ve managed to make Booker look horrible because he can’t carry Steiner (who could at this point?), after making him look like a fool because HHH is doing a racism angle for reasons I still don’t comprehend.
Rock is singing about how a big star like him has to deal with being in Long Island when Bischoff comes in. That’s not cool with the Rock as he yells at Bischoff for sending all the goons to stop Austin. If there’s anything left of Austin, Bischoff can make some rattlesnake dip out of him, but Rock will walk back to Smackdown if anyone goes after Austin.
Al Snow/Tommy Dreamer vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane
Hardcore of course. It’s a brawl on the floor to start until Rob slides in and dives out onto Snow. Dreamer brings in the first cane because he doesn’t know how to wrestle a regular match. It’s Kane coming off the top this time with the flying clothesline to knock Dreamer silly, only to have the ECW guys come back with trashcan shots. This goes as well as you would expect as Kane chokeslams both guys down, setting up a Five Star to pin Dreamer in a short match. Apparently this was punishment from Morely. It’s punishment to face a couple of lower card guys?
Austin fails to run over all the lackeys with his truck so Bischoff yells at them. That’s a surprising result.
Here’s Austin in the arena for a pretty weak reaction. The interest just wasn’t there at this point. He isn’t sure what to talk about first, but before he gets into anything else he needs to thank the fans for sticking with him after he left. Then he got tired of sitting at the house and now he’s back and ready to beat up anyone in that locker room. This brings Hollywood Rock out to the stage, complete with an open bottle of water.
Rock is glad to see him back but gives Austin some advice: as soon as you become successful, these people will turn on you. Rock isn’t here to talk to the people though because he has something to say to Austin. There’s one thing Rock needs to do in his career and that’s beat Austin at Wrestlemania. How about it? It one corner the baddest man in wrestling, the man who revolutionized Monday night and the biggest star in this industry. Then in the other corner, Steve Austin.
Before he can answer though, here’s Bischoff to offer make Rock vs. Booker T. next week. If Rock wins, he can have his choice of Austin or HHH at Wrestlemania. HUH? Why in the world are we talking about HHH now? Booker vs. HHH is set and Austin vs. Rock III needs to happen. Instead, here’s 3 Minute Warning to get beaten down as you would expect them to. Austin turns around and sees Rock face to face. Rock teases leaving but comes up swinging, only to run away from an attempted Stunner to end the show. That’s it?
Overall Rating: D+. What the heck was that ending? We’ve spent all night setting up Rock and Austin’s showdown and get a culmination of the Bischoff stuff which was already blown off back at No Way Out? This was a mess all around though as the build isn’t working for the most part. We’re getting to the big matches, but HHH has already cut Booker’s legs off and now they’re postponing the announcement of Rock vs. Austin for another week for no adequate reason. The wrestling was mostly horrible here but that’s nothing out of the ordinary.
If nothing else though, it’s amazing how much easier these shows are to sit through than the three hour versions. No these aren’t great episodes, but they don’t have time to drive you crazy or to wear me out. I can live with short matches and some questionable endings as long as the show just doesn’t drone on and on. This show would be fine if they just let Austin and Rock talk all night, but Booker needs to get something back on HHH next week after that mess to open the show.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Writer Doesn’t Like Mainstream Sports Covering WWE
Because it’s not real you see.
It’s another day and another story of a “mainstream” sports writer deciding that professional wrestling is “rasslin” and something not worthy of coverage on ESPN or CBS. In this case it’s Michael Bradley of the National Sports Journalism Center at Indiana University.
The gist of the opening of his piece is basically saying that wrestling is being used to fill in space on a 24/7 sports station and how it’s the price we pay. This leads to saying it started with ESPN “breaking” (his quotation marks) the story that Brock Lesnar wasn’t returning to the UFC. This is the first red flag I see. Why is this not a breaking story? Mixed martial arts is certainly a mainstream sport, but for some reason a former World Champion opting not to return isn’t a story.
I wonder if say, Tom Crean not returning to coach the Hoosiers’ basketball team would be considered mainstream enough. As I’m writing this, the first four articles on their website are all about college basketball, followed by the article on the mainstream coverage of Wrestlemania. I don’t see anything about Major League Baseball or the upcoming NFL Draft, but it seems that college basketball is important enough to cover, in addition to the Indy Racing League. Mixed martial arts apparently isn’t worthy of a breaking news story though. Good to know.
Then the ESPN commentators talked about Wrestlemania and their Twitter and Facebook feeds were used to discuss the results of the show. So now it’s not ok to dedicate part of an unlimited space to talk about the results of a show that runs four hours of a year. By the way, on the group’s Facebook page: an article on football analyst Lee Corso, led by a discussion of how often he gargles to keep his throat strong. Back and forth, hand to hand combat with former collegiate athletes: not ok, but football analysts gargling: ok. Again, good to know.
Now we’ll get to the point of this: apparently Bradley doesn’t care for the idea of mixing fake results with real results, because it might confuse the fans. Apparently this could lead to breaking down sports films or discussing TV, which is totally different than airing dramatic films on ESPN (which they’ve done) or Harlem Globetrotters games (which they air from time to time and Bradley says would be the next horrible step) or anything besides hard hitting journalism at the Entertainment and Sports Programing Network.
Then we get to the big line at the end: “It’s fun to talk about Lesnar and his fellow rasslers, but it’s not journalism.” That word of “rasslers” tells me everything I need to know here. That one word makes Bradley come off as just another writer who seems to have no idea of how wrestling works and sees himself as a defender of REAL athletics who has no idea what wrestling is all about. Yes, the results are fake and it’s been a known factor for years. For some reason, this means it’s completely ridiculous to cover.
There was an excellent ad campaign from the WWF back in 1998 with a lot of the roster talking about their mainstream athletic backgrounds such as Ron Simmons, who has since gone into the College Football Hall of Fame and Ken Shamrock, who was a UFC Champion (oh wait that’s not worthy of a mention. I wasn’t sure if I was wrong about the site’s coverage of UFC but their last story involving them was posted over a year ago so it doesn’t seem to be a priority).
Apparently talking about the post-career lives and activities of athletes such as Brock Lesnar or the Rock, or current mainstream athletes like Ronda Rousey, would just befuddle the average fan because I guess they’re not smart enough to figure out the difference. To paraphrase the end of that ad campaign, try watching their boots, because they’re probably working a lot harder than some of the “real” sports out there.
Overall, I’ve certainly seen far worse attacks on wrestling and other than implying that wrestling or other sports fans might not be bright enough to know the difference between scripted or unscripted results and using the antiquated term of “rasslers”, he doesn’t take any unnecessary shots at the sport.
As usual though, it seems that he heard the letters WWE and had already decided that it was just guys doing fake moves to each other because that’s what he heard it was growing up. It’s a shame that mainstream writers don’t give it a bigger chance, but with columns like this out there, it’s not surprising that they don’t as it basically shames them for trying to talk about it. But hey, it’s fine to air poker, cheerleading, darts, spelling bees and specials on fantasy football or the NFL Draft right?
Smackdown Date: April 9, 2015
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
For the second week in a row, the advertised big match is Sheamus/Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler/Daniel Bryan and that’s really all there is to talk about here. Raw ended with Orton becoming #1 contender to Rollins’ title after beating Ryback and Reigns in a triple threat. Tonight we might see the Extreme Rules card take more shape as Smackdown gets to announce a match every now and then. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Daniel Bryan to open things up. He says it was one of the highlights of his career to climb that ladder and win the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania. However, the actions of the man make the title (which says Intercontinental Heavyweight Wrestling Champion. I bet Vince is FURIOUS at the belt over that), so Bryan wants to defend this title against anyone who wants a shot.
That’s what he did after Wrestlemania against Dolph Ziggler, but Sheamus come out looking all stupid with a Brogue Kick to the face. So last week he fought Sheamus, but somewhere in the match he saw Wade (first time hearing that name in a while) Barrett….and now we all see Barrett on the ramp. He says he ended Bryan’s magical week with a Bull Hammer, and the fiendish gleam on Barrett’s face during that line is great. This brings out Sheamus to say he followed it up with a Brogue Kick.
Sheamus tolerates Barrett because he isn’t a munchkin like Bryan, so the two of them should come down there and give Bryan a beating because they can. They get in the ring but Ziggler comes out to call Sheamus the offspring of Captain Jack Sparrow and Carrot Top. The fight is about to be on but here’s Big Show because ruining main events just isn’t enough for him anymore. Big Show wants in on this beatdown but here’s Roman Reigns to even things up. A quick fight likely makes the tag match a six man. I’ll take that over a spontaneous match. They’ve got something with this tag team feud with the title thrown in.
Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day
Non-title with the New Day getting booed out of the building on the entrances. It’s a good sign that WWE has quickly caught onto the reality that no one likes them and is already starting to turn them. There’s an idea to the team but it’s just working as presented. Big E. wants everyone to get up and clap along with them so that’s exactly what they do, but with the SUCKS part added in. That makes Big E. think something has to change and that the fans have to love them. Woods is the odd man out here.
Kofi and Kidd get things going with Tyson taking him into the corner for some forearms before it’s off to Cesaro. He mocks the clapping and gets the crowd going again as the champions are the default good guys here. Kofi low bridges Cesaro to the floor and Big E. launches Kofi to the floor to take out the champs as we take a break. Back with Big E. suplexing Kidd but needing a tag. Cesaro breaks up a tag though and rag dolls Big E. into a gutwrench suplex. That’s scary strength.
Back to Tyson for some knees to the back as Lawler is talking more than I’ve heard him do in months. Big E. finally shoves Cesaro off but misses a charge into the post for two. There’s the Cesaro Swing into the dropkick from Tyson for two more with Kofi making the save. E. knocks Cesaro out of the air and makes the hot tag so Kofi can clean house with dropkicks and shots to the head. The Boom Drop sets up more clapping and sucking as everything breaks down. Kidd grabs a fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin on Kofi at 10:00.
Rating: C. Not much to see here but it could have been far worse. They need to turn New Day soon and thankfully we seem well on the way to that point. Cesaro and Kidd are starting to establish themselves as a really good heel team, which is something we haven’t seen in a long time.
Recap of Monday’s triple threat and the events that led up to it.
Free Network month shill. Remember when you had to pay for that?
Curtis Axel vs. Neville
In case you didn’t get enough of it the first time ten days ago. Axel wants to know what Neville is going to do when Axelmania runs wild on him. Neville flips around to start and grabs an armdrag but gets caught with a knee to the ribs. Neville’s front flips lead to Axel charging into a boot in the corner, followed by a running forearm. The spinning dive over the ropes takes Axel out again and it’s a slam followed by the Red Arrow for the pin at 2:17. That’s the same match they had on Raw after Wrestlemania.
Natalya, Cameron and Alicia Fox insist they didn’t try to con Kane into the Divas battle royal on Raw. Naomi deserves the shot and all but Cameron says she’s going to win. Alicia asks how long Cameron has been here and it’s been THREE YEARS??? She’s this bad after THREE YEARS??? Alicia and Natalya get in a fight.
Alicia Fox vs. Natalya
Cameron is guest referee so we can see her be horrible at something besides wrestling. To her credit, she found a referee’s cut off top and changed in the span of a commercial. It’s a catfight to start and they trade slaps until Cameron breaks up a fight next to the ropes. Natalya does her step over into the dropkick spot for two but Fox hits something like the Helluva Kick to take over. Fox’s northern lights suplex gets the same and we hit the chinlock. Back up and a cross body gets two for Natalya and the Sharpshooter gets the win at 3:41.
Rating: D+. As you may have noticed, there was a lot of play by play here. Here’s the reason why: these people have no characters. Cameron is close with the stuck up chick who only cares about herself, but Alicia is just Alicia and Natalya is just a veteran and serious wrestler. There’s nowhere to go with those characters as there’s nothing that stands out about them. The same is true for most of the Divas. Even Summer is just there as the dancing stuff is gone. I’m not saying we need to go back to the days of GLOW, but something would be nice.
Cameron lays both of them out with DDTs post match.
Bray Wyatt narrates a video about Erick Rowan, who was a child in a man’s world. How could society do what they’ve done to him? They took away Rowan’s innocence and we’re all guilty, even though we don’t know it. Bray has fixed him and now Rowan is free. We might have seen this video when the Family split up last year. If nothing else it’s cool to see a video like this to set up the matches later. What happened to the days of promos to set stuff up? It doesn’t have to have high production values. Just a quick promo from backstage would be fine.
Here’s Bray in the ring for his match but first he talks about remembering the days when Erick Rowan was lost. Society saw all of Rowan’s flaws but Bray saw possibilities. “Yes Erick, you too can job to Big Show.” The fans give Bray the WHAT treatment as he talks about being Rowan’s brother. He fixed Erick like you fix a broken toy and then set him free. Society has returned Rowan to Bray and he’s broken all over again. Tonight Bray is going to teach Rowan one last lesson: no matter what, trust no one because evil is inside of us all. If he’ll destroy someone he called his brother, imagine what he’ll do to you.
Bray Wyatt vs. Erick Rowan
Bray tells him to bring it on to start so Erick runs over him to knock Wyatt outside. Back in and Bray grabs him by the beard but you don’t do that to a former genius. What you do instead is send Rowan into the post and then knock him off the apron and into the barricade as we take a break.
Back with Rowan fighting out of a chinlock but the backsplash hits knees. Rowan hits some running splashes in the corner for two but Bray rolls outside when Erick goes up top. That works better for Bray as he takes Rowan’s head off with a clothesline and follows up with the backsplash. The Rock Bottom doesn’t work but Wyatt takes him down with the flying body block. Sister Abigail ends Erick at 9:34.
Rating: D+. Just a squash here for the most part but I like that they’re giving the Wyatts what seems to be some closure. Either that or they’re repackaging Rowan into something else. I was interested in the genius gimmick but that was sacrificed on the alter of Big Show, next to Hideo Itami. Bray needs something to do now that the Undertaker match is over. I’d love to see him actually win a feud against a top name for a change too.
Bray cradles Rowan’s head post match.
It’s time for a special movie edition of MizTV. We see the trailer for Marine 4 but before Miz can get anywhere else, his co-star Summer Rae cuts him off. They get in an argument over who was the real star of the movie with Summer calling him a co-star and Miz calling her a featured extra. Summer brings up Mizdow eliminating him from the battle royal and the fans chant his name.
Miz asks if the fans know the backstory of Damien Sandow. He was fired twice until Miz saved his career and gave him a purpose. Cue Mizdow but Miz cuts him off and says Mizdow is going to go on a steep decline. These people can’t get him on track but Miz is capable and willing to because he’s a charitable person. He’ll do it for an apology and everything can go back to the way it was.
All Mizdow has to do to get everything back is shake Miz’s hand and apologize. Hey now, quit adding things to the rules. Miz asks whose hands Mizdow wants his career in, because the people will drop him in a heartbeat. Damien apologizes…..for not doing this earlier and the beating is on. Miz leaves so Mizdow kisses Summer, who seems to like it.
Video on WWE taking over the Bay Area for Wrestlemania weekend.
Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns/Dolph Ziggler vs. Big Show/Sheamus/Bad News Barrett
I guess because the original four needed star power to carry them? Sheamus and Ziggler get things going with the Irishman taking Dolph into the corner for a right hand to the ribs from Big Show. A big chop puts Ziggler down as Dolph is firmly into his standard style. Dolph dropkicks the knee out and gets two off the running DDT, only to get chopped out of the corner. Barrett comes in for the first time and slaps on a chinlock but the fans are already cheering for Dolph to get out.
Winds of Change gets two but Ziggler flips over Sheamus and dives into the tag to Bryan. The YES Kicks have Sheamus in trouble and Daniel backdrops him to the floor for the Flying Goat. They’re moving in this one so far. As Bryan throws Sheamus back in, Barrett gets up and kicks Daniel in the head as we take a break. Back with Bryan getting slammed by Big Show and a huge elbow getting two. Barrett comes in for another chinlock as the fans sound like they want Roman.
Show breaks up a hot tag attempt but his chokeslam is countered into the YES Lock. This time it’s Sheamus making the save and trying a superplex, only to get knocked off by Bryan. Daniel’s cross body is caught but he spins into a DDT and makes the hot tag to Reigns. Roman cleans house with Superman Punches as everything breaks down. Ziggler and Sheamus go to the floor and Bryan hits Show with the running knee. The spear out of the corner gives Reigns the pin on Barrett at 15:18.
Rating: B-. Pretty good match here with everyone moving quickly and putting in some efforts. It’s interesting to see that Reigns is back to his old style and looking cool after not having the Wrestlemania main event looming over him. I think people are going to like him better when he’s not out there against the most popular guy in the company and now that he’s been able to give us something to connect to. Now if only they could get him completely away from Big Show.
Overall Rating: C+. This was a pretty basic but well done show with decent wrestling and some midcard storyline development. That’s about all you can ask for from Smackdown these days as the illusion of the move back to Thursdays making the show matter is long gone. I do like that tag feud revolving around the Intercontinental Title though as it’s something that could go somewhere if they let it get interesting. Not bad this week but nothing great.
Results
Cesaro/Tyson Kidd b. New Day – Fisherman’s neckbreaker to Kingston
Neville b. Curtis Axel – Red Arrow
Natalya b. Alicia Fox – Sharpshooter
Bray Wyatt b. Erick Rowan – Sister Abigail
Roman Reigns/Daniel Bryan/Dolph Ziggler b. Sheamus/Big Show/Bad News Barrett – Spear to Barrett
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
My Response To People Who Overuse The Term Burying
Is to show that the WWE is burying EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF ITS ROSTER!Adam Rose – Stuck in a comedy tag team and they didn’t care enough about the Bunny storyline to follow up. It’s burial time, all the time.
Bad News Barrett – Reduced to a glorified commentator. Why would I care about someone like him? Bad News for you dude: You’re buried.
Big E. – Sent into a horrible team that no one cares about after being in a six man tag team match last year at the Raw after Wrestlemania where the fans booed him. Oh and he’s black so he’s never going anywhere. Don’t sweat it Big E. You’re just being buried.
Big Show – Look what happened to Cesaro after he won the battle royal last year. He’s clearly going to get buried. Oh and he didn’t get a pin the next night. We’re going to need a big box to bury a guy this big, but rest assured, he shall be buried.
Bo Dallas – He was eliminated by an NXT guy. He’s not even good enough to be buried by the major league guy. Dallas is far enough down that he’s being developmentally buried.
Bray Wyatt – Look at all those pay per view losses. He hasn’t won a single match on pay per view THIS YEAR. All he got on a pay per view was an interview where he ripped off another guy’s entrance. Follow the buzzards to his buried body.
Brock Lesnar – Do I even need to explain this one? Lost the title and HASN’T DONE A THING SINCE! Now he’s suspended and won’t get his revenge. People are going to forget about him and he’ll lose his heat. The next big burial indeed.
The Bunny – See Rose. They didn’t care enough about him to even unmask him as Darren Young. And I know that’s where it was going because I read it on a dirt sheet and they never make stuff up. I hope he can hop out of that grave he’s been buried in.
Cesaro – A TAG TEAM CHAMPION? Well, he’s screwed. He was so bad they stuck him on the pre-show. TWICE! What’s the Swiss word for buried?
Curtis Axel – Had to sell for Hulk Hogan and a celebrity with the 2.4 inch Pythons. Can we get a clock on how long he’s been buried for?
Damien Mizdow – Geez man. How can someone allegedly so smart (like I’m smart. I read wrestling news on the internet bro.) not come up with something better than just copying someone else? He’s totally ripping off Buddy Landell with Ric Flair from the 80s. Maybe he can get a stunt double when they throw him in the grave.
Daniel Bryan – Yeah he won the Intercontinental Title but he lost in his first non-title match by countout due to interference. NO! He doesn’t have any hope and YES! He is being buried. It’s so clear that you would have to be a goat faced moron to not see it.
Darren Young – They put him in a gimmick where he makes fun of people and shills old shirts. He’s like the black Charlie Haas. Oh and he’s black and therefore buried. Total racism.
Dean Ambrose – He lost both of his pay per view main events late last year, only got into the final five of the Rumble and then lost his Wrestlemania title match. Then Cena beat him in the US Title match the next night on Raw. There’s no hope for his future, but maybe he warm himself with all the memories of how people TOTALLY said he would be the star of the Shield.
Diego – He was replaced by a short guy named Kalisto as the resident luchador and he’s second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it’s Diego instead of Fernando. Actually never mind as they’re the same person.
Dolph Ziggler – Where do I even start? He hasn’t won a thing since he won the World Title because that was Cena’s win at Survivor Series and he couldn’t even mean anything because STING won’t get out of his way. Then he jobbed to Luke Harper because this company has a thing for beards. Maybe he can show off the shovel used to bury him.
Erick Rowan – When has he actually won something recently? He’s just a big version of Daniel Bryan anyway. Maybe he can avoid being buried by pretending to be a sheep or something.
Fandango – When the feature of your act is the dancing chick who has never won a singles match in like five years, you’re just the new and improved version of the same buried Fandango.
Fernando – He was replaced by a short guy named Sin Cara as the resident luchador and he’s second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it’s Fernando instead of Diego. Actually never mind as they’re the same person.
Goldust – WWE cares about him so much that he wins a match and lost all of his heat due to a post match attack. Then he got crushed by Rusev after Raw to complete the burial.
Heath Slater – They hate this guy so much that they go from a 3 Count knockoff to making him look like Apollo Creed. Even Drew McIntyre in TNA is getting pushed harder than this guy. I wonder if the guy burying him needed two helpers so it could be a THREE MAN BURIAL?
Jack Swagger – He’s lost to Rusev six times in less than a year. That’s like Zack Ryder territory and we all know he’s been buried.
Jey Uso/Jimmy Uso – Let’s combine this one into one. They can’t even beat Los Matadores and they’re only there to push Total Divas “star” Naomi. It doesn’t help that they’re just a placeholder tag team and haven’t done anything since they dropped the tag belts. Siva Tao your ways into the burial positions guys.
John Cena – This guy is the KING of burials. How do you go from the main event of Wrestlemania two years ago to basically being the TV Champion and fighting guys like Dean “I used to be a big deal when I said NOPE that one time!” Ambrose and Star “Please think of Mockingjay when you see me and forget that I’m jobbing to old guys” Dust. How could they put this guy over Rusev? He’s even using more than five moves to make you think he knows more than five moves! How can you trust this guy??? You won’t be able to see him now that he’s been buried.
Kalisto – He’s just there to make people forget about Rey Mysterio. Flip youself into the line for being buried and LEARN SOME ENGLISH. Clearly people hate him because he’s Hispanic right?
Kane – PUT THE MASK BACK ON! You were totally cool back then when you were the old dude in the mask instead of the old dude in the dress pants. Now you’re just getting speared and pinned all the time by a guy with no heat like Roman Reigns. I would say you’re buried but you’re way too old to belong in the ground anymore.
Kofi Kingston – Just a jumping guy. He’s black though and in that trio of losers so we’ll have him jump into the grave.
Konnor – They’re just using him to cash in on the Crusher stuff from last year. Why else would you name someone Konnor? Thankfully the WWE has clearly seen that there’s no future for he and Viktor and they’re burying them accordingly.
Luke Harper – When your only gimmick is you have a dirty shirt, you’re clearly being buried. GO BACK TO BRAY’S SIDE YOU FREAKY LOOKING LOSER!
Mark Henry – They brought him back to put over Roman Reigns and Sheamus? There’s no future in being a jobber to the stars and if you need any more proof, they put him in a battle royal a few weeks back. AND LET HIM WIN IT! Of course on top of that, he’s black and all black people are buried in WWE. Because they’re black and WWE is racist.
The Miz – An actor gimmick? That’s the best they can do? Then they keep giving him movie roles and have him lose to a guy most famous for imitating Miz and wearing Lanny Poffo’s thrown out trunks? I hope we can have quiet at the cemetery when they officially bury him, but they did that when they made him play third fiddle when he kept the title at Wrestlemania a few years back. If you want further proof, they gave him a Tag Team Title a few months ago. How can you possibly believe that he’s not being buried?
Neville – Losing to the World Champion in his SECOND MATCH on the main roster? Do I even need to explain why that’s a burial?
R-Truth – Just there for comedy and there’s that whole black guys don’t get pushed. Buried! That’s what’s up!
Randy Orton – You think Cena sucks because he only knows five moves? RKO, backbreaker, elevated DDT, right hand, I’m waiting for the fifth move. We’ll call that a BURIAL OUT OF NOWHERE!
The Rock – He came back for five Wrestlemanias and can only get TALKING SEGMENTS??? That’s the ultimate sign of being put out of pasture. Get out of the ring and just let Ronda Rousey show you how REAL WRESTLING is done you actor. So not only is he being buried in talking segments year after year, at the same time he’s burying people who really deserve the time. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury people and be buried at the same time??? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!!!
Roman Reigns – Totally choked in the biggest match ever and then got stuck in a meaningless six man the next night as Orton’s partner. He’s just Cena with a tan anyway and we’ve already established that Cena is being buried, so Reigns is being buried with a tan and stupid looking tattoos.
Rusev – No one cares about him unless Lana and the tank are there. Plus he lost his big title match so he’s clearly being buried.
Ryback – Can they pick a gimmick with this guy? Not that it matters because each one leads to him being buried. First he was a monster and then A FREAKING REFEREE costs him the title match? Buried. Then he’s a heel who goes to a draw against Cena in his main events. Buried. Then he’s a bully and that doesn’t sound like being a star, meaning he’s not in the sky. You know where that leaves him right? Buried. In the ground. Now he’s back to the beginning as a monster, which is clearly just leading to him being buried all over again.
Seth Rollins – Yeah he’s the Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but they’re clearly doing nothing with him. He had to sell for a rookie and needs comedy goons to save him all the time. Curb stomp him into the grave and put him out of his misery before he has a rematch for the title in the main event of the pay per view.
Sheamus – Comes back from being a four time World Champion and they turn him heel? That’s what you do when you have nothing left to do with someone so his days are numbered. Plus he couldn’t even beat a vanilla midget like Bryan without help so he’s done. Buried.
Sin Cara – A masked tag match? What happened to being the most popular guy in Mexico? Leave the mask on to hide your face you buried loser.
Stardust – He’s lost two title shots in eight days and is there as a movie tie-in character to some girly movie like Thirsty Games or whatever it’s called. Buried and buried bad.
Sting – Well he’s never won a match so he’s already behind Barry Horowitz. How do you get more buried than that?
Titus O’Neil – I’m tired so we’ll stick with he’s black and therefore buried. He’s even in a black tag team so it’s even worse. Buried again.
Triple H – This guy invented being buried! Getting thrown around by a celebrity? That’s even worse than when he got slapped around by an actor back in 2000. When is the last time he won a World Title anyway? Now he’s beating up old WCW rejects like Sting, which means he’s just fighting jobbers. There’s no point to having him around anymore so we’ll say he’s buried.
Tyson Kidd – Yeah he’s got a belt, but it’s the same one he had a few years ago and now he’s pitching Burger King ads while wearing lame headphones and showing off his love for his cats? That’s the best they’ve got for him? Oh yeah he’s buried.
Undertaker – The guy has lost how many BURIED alive matches? He’s literally been buried multiple times so I think you get the point here.
Viktor – He got beaten up by the APA and DX. How does he not understand that he’s being buried?
Xavier Woods – The leader of the trio of black losers. Still means he’s being buried though. Yeah he wants to work with children and is working on his PH.D, but can he win a match? Until we know he can, he can defend his dissertation after getting out of that dirt from when they buried him.
Zack Ryder – Do I even need to explain this one? He’s had like four matches with Rusev that add up to less than five minutes. And to think a guy like Rock talked (Like I said, he only does talking segments!) so highly of him after the main event of Survivor Series 2012.
All Divas but the Bellas are of course being buried so we’ll put them in a big group.
Bella Twins – They’re just there because of a reality show with ratings that keep falling. They may be “stars” there but here they’re just propping up tombstones. I mean, they lost at Wrestlemania and weren’t even important enough to defend their title. Yeah they’re both champion. The name graphics said so and even if it might have been a slip up, it’s how I interpreted it so therefore it’s true.
Finally, some other people they have on screen.
El Torito – They can’t decide if he’s a man or a bull. If they don’t care enough, they’re buried him already.
Hornswoggle – Well they gave him a movie so he wouldn’t be on screen. Sounds like a burial to me.
The Stooges – How many finishers do they keep taking? I don’t remember two J’s being in the word buried, but maybe I just missed it.
Lana – She gets a dead end foreigner gimmick and isn’t even on Total Divas. Bury her and her legs.
Paul Heyman – How many times can he say the same thing over and over again? He’s nothing without Lesnar so just like ECW,’s he’s dead and buried.
Stephanie McMahon – She got beaten up by Ronda Rousey (I know her of course, because I pay for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter for my MMA news and that makes me a REAL fan) on the biggest night of the year. Yeah she beat a Bella. Freaking woop. Bury her with the rest of the McMahon Family so we can get a good boss in there. Is Sapolsky available?
William Regal – They already buried him. I mean, he’s the third NXT boss in like two years. How much could they possibly care about him?
Zeb Colter – How does this guy have a job? All he does is talk and claims an injury after he FINALLY took a bump. Bury him next to Swagger and Cesaro.
SEE? WWE BURIES EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER! I JUST PROVED IT!!!
Oh and I got this list off the WWE Roster Wikipedia page. Bury that too since it hasn’t done anything for me since I started writing this list.
New Column: Come One, Come All
Looking at the open challenges from John Cena and how they could do a lot of good things for the title. And I have statistics!
That’s quite the upgrade for them. It’s also a good sign for WWE as NBC wants another show on a bigger network. SyFy never fit for a wrestling show anyway.