Monday Night Raw
Date: December 1, 2014
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

The theme for tonight’s show is Cyber Monday with guest host the Anonymous Raw GM as represented by the computer. The question now is whether this is permanent or if there’s going to be a guest GM every week. Hopefully it’s the latter, though I could see the Authority eventually being revealed as the new computer GM. Let’s get to it.

We open with….the Authority! Well it’s a recap about last week but it’s still the first thing we see.

Cole opens us up with the computer but here’s Cena to interrupt things. He starts running down the computer, saying he’s just like Brock Lesnar who shows up once a year. Lesnar isn’t here tonight but neither is the Authority because Team Cena won. He’s about to tell us why his team fought harder when we have another e-mail. Cena stares Cole down and goes to the podium himself. He isn’t going to let this happen and closes the computer, but here are Rollins and the Stooges to interrupt.

The two of them share some banter until Rollins says Cena is taking undue credit for the win at Survivor Series. Rollins remembers eliminating Cena at Survivor Series and only losing due to Sting. On the other hand, Cena remembers one man left on Team Cena eliminating three members of Team Authority, including Rollins himself. Seth: “You say Dolph, I say Sting. Whatever.”

Seth wants to know who’s next to take over Raw. Is it going to be JBL? Cena hands JBL his hat but Rollins thinks it might be Batista, drawing more heat than Rollins has drawn all night. Maybe they could give Eric Bischoff a call? The point is there’s going to be a different GM every week and the show is going to fall into chaos until Cena brings back the Authority.

Cena gets in the ring and rips on Rollins for being a normal guy in a lot of latex with two wannabe mall cops in his corner. He tells Seth to ask him to bring the Authority back nicely, including making Rollins get down on a knee. The e-mail goes off and we have a tables match set up between these two for TLC with Cena’s #1 contendership at stake. Not that Rollins can win it mind you.

The brawl is on, including with Kane coming in for a chokeslam to Cena. Seth loads up a table but Ryback comes in for the save. Kane beats him down with a chair so Rowan comes in and kicks Kane down, only to have Big Show come in with a splash. Show loads up the steps so Ziggler comes out to post him and get a ladder, but Harper runs out and drives the ladder into Dolph. Cena loads Rollins up for an AA through the table but eats the KO Punch, setting up a TripleBomb through the table with Rollins playing Reigns.

Back with Cena and company slowly being helped out. A six man tag is announced for later.

Tag Team Turmoil

Winners get a Tag Team Title match at TLC. We start with Kofi/Big E. vs. Goldust/Stardust as Kofi throws Stardust around with ease. Big E. runs Stardust down and the Big Ending/Top rope DDT (the Midnight Hour) ends Stardust at 1:36. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are the next team as we take a break. Back with Cesaro throwing Kofi around before bringing in Kidd for some choking on the ropes.

Off to a chinlock on Kofi for a bit before he elbows up, only to be slammed back down. Kingston rolls away and tags Big E. back in to clean house, only to have Cesaro break up the Big Ending. Kidd joins him and Big E. clotheslines both guys to the floor. Kofi gets launched over the topr for a big dive, setting up a springboard shot to the face. The Dusts come out for a distraction though, allowing Kidd to roll Kofi up for the pin at 8:11 total.

The Usos are in third (of five teams) but Jimmy walks into a suplex from Cesaro. There’s almost no effect though as Jimmy comes back with the Umaga Attack in the corner before it’s off to Jey to work on the arm. Kidd comes back in for a kick to the face but Cesaro makes a blind tag, setting up a release German suplex to drop Jey as we take another break.

Back with Jimmy fighting out of another chinlock. Jimmy fights up but has to suplex Kidd down. Tyson jumps into a superkick, setting up the tag to Jey for the Superfly Splash to get us down to one on one at 16:00. Finally we have Adam Rose/the Bunny vs. the Usos for the title shot. Rose starts fast with a pair of rollups on Jimmy but the Bunny tags himself in. Adam starts arguing as the Bunny goes up. Jimmy tries a superplex but gets caught in a sunset bomb for two. More arguing allows Jey to superkick Rose, setting up the Superfly Splash for the title shot at 19:10.

Rating: C. These matches always have the same complaint; why do they never win matches as fast as they do here? At least the middle part was long to prevent this from falling into the same pattern, but it says a lot that we only have five teams and two of them were thrown together.

Naomi is watching her husband (one of the Usos) in the back when Miz/Mizdow come in to say they’ll keep the titles. Miz actually offers her a spot in a movie and gives her a card. Mizdow gives her an invisible card as Naomi rolls her eyes.

A long black limo brings Vince to the arena.

Seth Green is hosting next week.

Rowan fixes his Rubik’s Cube and reiterates that Show is a bully.

Erick Rowan vs. Big Show

Show says he doesn’t like being called a bully. Cole says Rowan has a genius IQ. Erick quickly knocks him to the floor but Show comes back in and drops Rowan with ease. He rips at Rowan’s face and puts on a chinlock to kill some time. Rowan fights up and heads outside, only to have Show nail him with the steps for the DQ at 4:22.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here though the idea of Rowan being a genius is kind of interesting. There’s some potential for some interesting bits there, though I’m not sure I have any confidence in WWE to pull it off. This is likely setting up a big match between the two at TLC, which should be interesting.

Vince is excited to be on Austin’s podcast. He won’t bring back the Authority though.

We recap the Bellas cheating to beat AJ last week. You can pick AJ’s partner for a tag match later.

Fandango vs. Jack Swagger

And there’s no Swagger. We cut to the back where Colter is down with a leg injury. Fandango wins via forfeit.

Here are Rusev and Lana to complain about the Pledge of Allegiance last week and brag about Rusev winning the battle royal on Friday. Rusev implies that he hurt Colter as the Russian flag comes down for Lana’s pledge. Swagger charges out for the brawl but referees hold him back.

Damien Mizdow vs. Fernando

This is due to Torito stealing one of Mizdow’s fake Tag Team Title belts. Feeling out process to start with Fernando easily taking him down and grabbing an armbar. Back up and Mizdow grabs a quick backdrop and hooks the Figure Four for the submission at 2:25.

Jimmy Uso, Naomi’s real life husband, comes out and slaps Miz in the face, saying stay away from her.

Bray Wyatt vs. R-Truth

Bray throws him around with ease to start and shouts for Ambrose. Truth fights out of a cravate and avoids the running backsplash. That just makes Bray mad but he takes a running kick to the face. The Lie Detector puts Bray down but he avoids the ax kick and plants Truth with the release Rock Bottom. A modified DDT onto the apron knocks Truth silly and it’s the Spider Walk into Sister Abigail for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D+. Total squash here with Bray looking great most of the time. He’s getting better at making his offense look more devastating, which is the kind of thing you need from a monster like him. I’m not sure where he goes at TLC, but that match could be one heck of a war.

Post match Bray starts throwing in chairs, still shouting for Dean. He wants the truth but pulls out a ladder as we take a break. We come back with Bray sitting in his rocking chair under a ladder with a table in the corner. Bray tells us the story of Jacob and his great ladder that the angels climbed up to Heaven and back. Wyatt dreams of a ladder where he ascends the ladder to praise no one. He looks down at his world and laughs at all the creatures that God has created and thinks they look like insects. In his dreams, he sees tables, ladders and chairs.

Cue Dean for a brawl and to put Bray on the table, only to have Wyatt escape as Dean climbs the ladder. Bray runs away as referees stop dean. Ambrose goes back inside where there are about ten chairs, two tables and a ladder. He shoves the ladder over and looks at Bray’s rocking chair, eventually tossing it down and destroying it, infuriating Wyatt.

We recap the end of the opening segment with Cena going through the table after everyone came out.

Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee/???

Here are the poll results for AJ’s partner:

Natalya – 32%

Naomi – 48%

Alicia Fox – 20%

Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee/Naomi

Brie jumps Naomi before the bell, allowing Nikki to get two off a suplex. The Bellas take turns nailing Naomi in the face before Nikki hooks a chinlock. Naomi fights up and tags in AJ to clean house, including a tornado DDT to Nikki. Everything breaks down and it’s AJ vs. Nikki with a Shining Wizard staggering the champ. The Black Widow makes Nikki tap at 3:25.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. As is the usual case with most Divas matches, there’s almost nothing to see here and it sets up AJ vs. Nikki again. I’m sure Brie will get involved and AJ will need to find a friend to help her. Perhaps say, Paige? Either that or Charlotte comes in and takes the title. Neither does much for me but that’s likely due to the Bellas trying to be all serious and important.

Mick Foley, in one of the best Santa Claus outfits I’ve ever seen, hypes up the big sale on WWEshop.com. I really wouldn’t have recognized him if not for his voice and the cheap pop.

Paul Heyman is here via satellite to address the stipulation for Cena vs. Rollins. First up though, he wants to address what Cena said about Lesnar being here once a year. Would you have Christmas once a year? Of course not, because it would ruin the moment. Why not just have Wrestlemania every Monday night? Now if Cena comes out of TLC still #1 contender, he has to face a fresh Brock Lesnar.

However, what if he doesn’t? Who becomes #1 contender? Would it be Rollins, who Curb Stomped Brock Lesnar but now can’t hide behind the Authority? Maybe the Undertaker? That could be interesting, if you could find him. What about Sting? You wouldn’t even have to advertise it as a retirement match, because Sting would retire after Lesnar got his hands on him. Let’s just throw the entire WWE roster against Lesnar like throwing humans to the lions in the Roman Coliseum. Heyman says Brock Lesnar is the new authority in WWE because he’s the can’t miss, must see, undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

Ryback/John Cena/Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper/Seth Rollins/Kane

They have a lot of time for this. Cena wants Rollins to start with him but gets Harper instead. That’s fine with John who knocks Harper down and pulls in Rollins for the STF. Luke makes an early save, only to walk into a belly to belly for two. Off to Ziggler for a double dropkick for two before it’s off to Ryback vs. Kane for the big power showdown. Ryback takes over with the Thesz press and Warrior Splash.

Back to Harper to hammer away in the corner until Ryback scores with the Meat Hook. Rolins comes in and gets in some shots of his own before handing it back to Luke. Ryback fights him over a suplex before picking Luke up for a very delayed suplex as we go to a break. Back with Ryback dropping Harper with the suplex. If that was continuous (it wasn’t), give Ryback the title like, now.

Off to Ziggler vs. Kane with Dolph grabbing a sleeper until Kane drives him into the corner. Kane knocks him out of the air for two and the heels take over again. Luke Gator Rolls him and we’re in the chinlock. Kane comes in for a chinlock of his own before Rollins whips Ziggler hard into the corner. Back up and Seth misses a charge in the corner, setting up the hot tag to Cena. House is quickly cleaned with Lawler suddenly being a huge Cena cheerleader. Cena cleans house and double suplexes Kane with some help from Ryback. Mercury and Noble knock knock Cena silly as we take a break.

Back again with Cena fighting out of a Harper chinlock but eating a superkick from Harper for two. Rollins comes back in for a chinlock of his own but Cena suplexes him down to escape. The hot tag brings in Ziggler to face Harper with a neckbreaker and Fameasser getting two. Everything breaks down with Cena diving onto all five guys at once. Kane escapes the AA and kicks Cena down, only to take a powerslam from Ryback. Everyone hits their secondary finishers until Ziggler counters a Harper powerbomb into a sunset flip for the pin at 25:17.

Rating: C+. This was much more of a long match than a good one with FAR too many chinlocks than were necessary. Ziggler continuing to get a push is a good thing but there needed to be more stuff here than what we were given. Ryback continues to just kind of be there, which isn’t what you want him to be doing at this point.

Post match Big Show comes in to clean house but Rowan comes out with the steps to destroy everyone. Cole seems to have officially dubbed Rowan Big Red. Show grabs Ryback and Rowan for a double chokeslam but is nice enough to stick his chin out for a superkick from Ziggler. Cena AA’s Show for Survivor Series, allowing Rowan to crush him with the steps to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a bit more entertaining than last week but it still didn’t do much for me. They’ve got most of the card set for TLC and hopefully it’s Ambrose vs. Wyatt again in the main event. If nothing else it fits the name of the show and gives you a potential huge crash for the ending. This wasn’t a great show or even very good, but it advanced some stories and got me more interested in the PPV, which is somehow less than two weeks away.

Results

Usos won tag team turmoil last eliminating Adam Rose/the Bunny – Superfly Splash to Rose

Erick Rowan b. Big Show via DQ when Show used the steps

Fandango b. Jack Swagger via forfeit

Damien Mizdow b. Fernando – Figure Four

Bray Wyatt b. R-Truth – Sister Abigail

AJ Lee/Naomi b. Bella Twins – Black Widow to Nikki

Dolph Ziggler/John Cena/Ryback b. Kane/Luke Harper/Seth Rollins – Sunset flip to Harper

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Sting! The Stinger! The Man Called Sting! These are just a few of the nicknames of someone you won’t be seeing on Raw this week. He debuted at Survivor Series to help end the Authority as he pulled Ziggler’s body onto Rollins, who hadn’t moved in about eight minutes and clearly needed to be resuscitated. Other than that….yeah there isn’t much as Survivor Series was a one note show. Let’s get to it.

We opened with the Authority because WWE likes to troll us. They were all sad about being thrown out of course but said we’d miss them later on. HHH babbled about business and how WWE will need them back in the future. For some reason he went into a nearly word for word speech from the end of A Few Good Men about how WWE needed them. If nothing else that’s an awesome movie so I can’t complain much there.

Daniel Bryan of all people cut them off to do the YES post in front of them. After a break, Bryan announced that he was in charge for the night. First up he brought out all five members of Team Authority from the night before to give them their assignments for the night. These segments took nearly half an hour in total, but Bryan’s energy made them easier to sit through. I’ll cover each member as their antics come up, starting with Henry getting beaten by Ryback in about a minute.

The Authority left with Vince while Stephanie begged Vince’s forgiveness. The boss didn’t seem to care and said the only thing he’s sorry for is having to sit through Thanksgiving with these losers.

Next up was Luke Harper beating Ambrose via DQ when Harper shoved Dean into the referee. This wasn’t a great match as you knew the ending was going to be screwy, but at least they didn’t go with the obvious Bray interference. That would come after, as Bray jumped Dean on the floor and buried him under a bunch of chairs next to the announcers’ table.

Santino Marella and Larry the Cable Guy showed up and weren’t funny.

Miz/Mizdow beat Goldust/Stardust to retain the titles. The idea here was Miz stayed on the floor with an alleged injury for most of the match before coming in to hit a quick Skull Crushing Finale and steal the glory.

Kane is in charge of concessions tonight. This led to some unfunny bits of pouring mustard on Santino and getting in a fight with Ryback, likely setting up a match at TLC.

Lane and Rusev had to either say the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag or have Rusev defend the title in a battle royal. Lana started to but Rusev stopped her, drawing out Sgt. Slaughter for a showdown. Naturally this went nowhere and Jack Swagger came out for the save. I really hope they’re not going back to this feud because it’s been done to death already.

Fandango beat Justin Gabriel in a copy of the Survivor Series pre-show match. Nothing to see here.

Big Show came out for his big speech and admits that it might have been a mistake, but thinks he’s earned the benefit of the doubt after all his years in the company. We got the usual “I have bills to pay” speech, which I’d have more sympathy for if he hadn’t used his one wish on a title shot last year. Eventually Rowan came down and called Show a bully before knocking him out of the ring with ease.

Brie Bella beat AJ via rollup when Nikki interfered. No sign of the Bellas splitting when the servant period was over.

Adam Rose and the Bunny lost to Kidd and Natalya in the same match they’ve been having for weeks.

Ziggler and Cena beat Rollins and the Stooges in the exact match you would expect them to have. The big deals here were that the Stooges could be selected by the fans via the App and the Anonymous Raw GM returned to end the show. In theory this is going to be a weekly deal.

Overall this show was about setting up the new world of Monday Night Raw after the Authority is gone. The show really wasn’t all that good, but at least they set up something for the future. They only have a few weeks until TLC, but they already have the fallout from Survivor Series as a foundation for the matches there. It’s not a good show but they had to take a breather after all the stuff they did last night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 4, 2010
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

A few weeks back I took another look at TNA’s Monday night debut and figured I should do the same with this famous episode of Raw. Then it turned out that I never did this show in the first place so this is going to be completely fresh. This episode centers around Bret Hart returning for the first time since the Montreal Screwjob over twelve years ago, so I think the crowd might be a bit excited. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long video on Bret’s career, of course focusing on Montreal and the huge shock that he’s actually back tonight.

We waste no time as here’s Bret to open things up. Bret soaks it in for a bit before saying that a lot of people are surely wondering why he came back. He’s been trying for years but every time Vince has told him it’s not the right time. Bret is thrilled to be back to be able to talk to the WWE Universe, earning him a welcome back chant. Above all else, Bret wants to thank the people for never forgetting him. He owes every bit of his success to the fans and there are millions of memories coming back to him right here. Back in 1993 he won the first King of the Ring right here in this building…..and then Jerry Lawler jumped him.

That’s ok though, because there’s something Bret needs to take care of. Therefore, he’d like Shawn Michaels to come out here right now. Shawn comes out looking very nervous. Bret wants to bury the hatchet though and call a truce to this whole thing. Shawn sounds a bit annoyed though and has something he’s been waiting twelve years to say to Bret: he deserved what happened in Montreal. Bret disrespected him and the title so Vince did what he had to do that night.

There’s a part of Shawn that doesn’t regret it, but there’s another part of him that knows a lot has changed in the last twelve years. Shawn always respected Bret, but he wasn’t sure Bret respected him. He couldn’t stand Bret at times, but when he thinks of him, he thinks of Anaheim and the 60 minute Iron Man match that they were told no one wanted to see. But the two of them redefined this industry and gave the fans something special.

Shawn is ready to move on too and asks Bret if he’s ready. Bret thinks it’s time to end this right here in Dayton and they finally shake hands. Shawn goes to leave but comes back and hugs Bret to a nice ovation. Now Shawn leaves but Bret isn’t done yet. He wants Vince McMahon out here RIGHT NOW but there’s no boss in sight. This was an historic moment but much more symbolic than anything else.

Josh Matthews is waiting outside Vince’s office but the boss says no one calls him out. If Bret wants to have a public discussion, they can have it on his terms later tonight.

Melina has torn her ACL and has to vacate the Divas Title. Tournament time!

Divas Title Tournament First Round: Maryse vs. Brie Bella

This is before Nikki’s surgery so they’re still identical. Maryse easily shoves her into the ropes to start and poses, only to have Brie toss her down by the hair. Back up and Brie hits a running dropkick to send Maryse outside, allowing Nikki to get in a few cheap shots. Maryse runs Brie over back inside but the Bellas switch, only to have Maryse plant her with the French Kiss DDT for a fast win.

Maryse leaves when US Champion Miz comes out to say if she wins the tournament, he might call her back. She’s called this the year of Maryse but Miz declares this his decade. Maryse looks very pleased.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry

Winner gets a US Title shot and Miz is on commentary. We don’t see Carlito or Henry’s entrances as they come out during the break. The match is joined in progress with Henry down on the floor with Swagger suplexing Carlito for two. A belly to belly gets two on MVP with Carlito making the save.

Jack splashes Carlito in the corner but Henry comes back in to clean house. He slaps a bearhug on Carlito but Swagger makes a fast save. That’s fine with Henry who puts Swagger in a fireman’s carry rack (not all that effective) when MVP makes a save of his own. MVP sends Henry and Carlito outside, followed by the Playmaker on Swagger for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here due to the time but they actually had a bit of a story going. MVP got the win far faster than he should have been able to but at least it wasn’t horrible while it lasted. I’m still not sure how much the Playmaker would actually hurt though as it’s basically just a swinging neckbreaker.

Jericho and Big Show have a meeting before their Tag Team Title shot. If Jericho loses, he’s off Raw but he has an idea for Bret.

After a break, Jericho comes in to see Bret and mentions learning the Walls by practicing on Bret’s brother Keith. The big idea is that Bret should be the guest referee during the title match tonight when Jericho and Big Show challenge DX. Jericho thinks Bret can get his revenge on Shawn and call the bell in a hurry but Bret wants to keep the controversy behind him. Bret: “I don’t want to be like you.” Also, he remembers Jericho screaming louder than anyone else in the Dungeon.

Hornswoggle is with HHH and it’s time to schill toys. Shawn comes in and says it’s time for their match when Santino comes in dressed as Jericho, claiming a conspiracy. HHH has Horny attack Santino before talking with Shawn about the match as the two scream in the background. DX heads off for their match with HHH whistling like a dog to get Hornswoggle to come with him. Horny leaves for a cookie.

Tag Team Titles: D-Generation X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

DX is defending and Jericho’s job is at stake. Horny is crawling around at ringside because he’s a pest. Show tosses Shawn into the corner to start but Michaels ducks a chop and hits some of his own. HHH comes in but Show suplexes both of them with ease as we take an early break. Back with Jericho knocking HHH down and walking around a lot.

A side slam from Big Show drops HHH as well before he just walks over the Game’s stomach. Now it’s Show’s turn to walk around and waste time before it’s off to Jericho for the Hogan hand to the ear. Chris hooks a chinlock for a bit before HHH comes back with a spinebuster to put both guys down. Show comes in to break up the tag but misses a Vader Bomb. Now the hot tag brings in Shawn to hammer on Big Show, nip up a lot, then hammer on him again. He knocks Show down for the top rope elbow but Jericho crotches him down. Horny comes in to sit on Show, which thankfully has no effect.

Sweet Chin Music is countered into a chokeslam for two but Jericho comes in with the Walls, only to have Shawn kick away. The Pedigree plants Jericho but it’s Show making a save. HHH breaks up another chokeslam attempt and dropping the big man with the Pedigree, only to have Big Show roll outside. Jericho rolls up HHH for two before knocking him silly with a Codebreaker. A very delayed cover gets two but Hornswoggle comes in again, only to get kicked in the face by Jericho. The distraction lets Shawn superkick him down for the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. Good match here, especially due to having Hornswoggle get kicked in the face. Jericho losing the big one is as classic as you’re going to get with him and there was no way DX was losing the titles just a month after winning them in the first place. Jericho and Big Show were never a long term thing anyway so splitting them here is fine.

HHH says that’s bye bye for Jericho and if Chris isn’t down with that, they have two words for him. Big Show walks off, leaving Jericho to face the Goodbye Song. He would be Smackdown Champion next month.

Orton comes in to see Vince and has a business deal for him. Vince isn’t interested because of all the horrible things Orton did to his family, which he says were far worse than what Bret did in 1997. Orton’s idea: he’ll punt Bret in exchange for being #30 in the Royal Rumble. The boss isn’t interested and throws Orton out. The camera stays on Randy when he runs into Legacy. If Orton loses tonight, they’re going to throw him out and beat him up.

Mike Tyson is guest host next week.

We recap Sheamus getting himself disqualified to save his title against Cena last week.

Here’s Sheamus with something to say. He talks about beating Cena last week when everyone said he couldn’t, so his next title defense at the Royal Rumble will not be against Cena. Sheamus wants a new challenge so cue Evan Bourne who says he wants an opportunity. That’s fine with Sheamus, who says if Evan wins here, he gets a title shot at the Rumble.

Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus

Bourne hammers away to start and nails a kick from the apron, followed by Air Bourne less than a minute in. Sheamus powers him out to the floor on the kickout and catches Evan in a fall away slam. The fans chant for Cena but get a Brogue Kick to Evan’s head, setting up the High Cross (Razor’s Edge) for the pin.

We get a nice tribute to Dr. Death Steve Williams who recently passed away due to throat cancer at 49.

Same Bret video that opened the show.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

This is the last match in a good feud between the two and Legacy is at ringside. Kofi is in the serious black attire here. An early headlock and shoulder give Orton an early advantage but he eats an elbow to the jaw. Kofi sends him outside for a baseball slide before countering the Elevated DDT into a backdrop to put Orton outside again as we take a break.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock before stomping on the ribs for good measure. He talks a lot of trash and stands around a bit more before sending Kofi chest first into the buckle. A catapult sends Kofi throat first into the bottom rope for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Kofi finally comes back but a double cross body puts both guys down. It’s Kingston up first and winning a brief slugout to set up the Boom Drop. A high cross body gets two and the SOS is good for the same. Trouble in Paradise is mostly blocked and a quick RKO gives Orton the pin.

Rating: C+. Another decent match between them but Kofi’s big moment had already come and gone. He’s never reached this high of a level again, even though he seemed ready to burst through the ceiling to the next level. Orton absorbing the kick and RKOing him for the pin pretty much killed him dead though.

Legacy doesn’t seem to care.

Here’s Vince to call out Bret. He wishes us a happy New Year but doesn’t think he needs to call Hart out. The Montreal Screwjob is buried and he considers his issues with Bret to be the same. Vince hypes up Mike Tyson appearing next week when Bret comes out without music. The boss thinks the fans want Montreal to be forgotten, but Vince will never forget Bret spitting on him and then disrespecting him when Bret was inducted into the Hall of Fame. He’d like to hear what Bret has to say, but it better start with “I’m sorry.”

That’s not what Bret has in mind though. He’s here to bury the hatchet tonight and he’s halfway there. Bret knows Vince wants this just as much as he does, but Vince says he wants to kick Bret in the guts. He remembers Bret in the Wrestlemania II battle royal and knew that he was going to be the future then and there.

That brings him to Bret’s dad Stu, who brought a lot of people into the business. Vince wants to put Stu in the Hall of Fame and Bret likes the idea. He thanks Vince for it but Vince says it’s time to thank Bret for everything he’s done over the years. They shake hands and Vince kicks Bret low to end the show. This led to a Wrestlemania match that I still think was done well.

Overall Rating: C-. On the other hand, this show wasn’t done all that well. They knew TNA was having their big night here so the reaction seemed to be to keep things the same other than Bret. There really wasn’t anything important here aside from that, with even Cena not showing up. It’s not the worst show ever but it comes and goes with nothing else standing out.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Smackdown
Date: November 28, 2014
Location: Allen County War Memorial Coliseum, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Tom Phillips

The Authority is gone, for now at least, and much like Raw we don’t have a permanent boss. There’s a chance that WWE will just use the same rotating boss idea like they’re doing on Raw, because goodness knows wrestling fans just aren’t smart enough to get by without a GM pointing the way. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Sting montage. That’s still so strange to see in WWE.

Opening sequence.

First up is MizTV with Miz saying he became WWE Tag Team Champion at Survivor Series. The fans of course cheer for Mizdow. Tonight’s guest is Big Show and we see a clip of Rowan knocking him to the floor on Monday. Miz says a lot of people aren’t happy with Big Show but the only problem Miz sees is that Show joined Team Cena. Show is so glad that someone finally gets it. He had to look out for himself because no one else will and no one knows his situation but him.

Cue Daniel Bryan for an interruption and a huge ovation. On Monday, Show said that if anyone has something to say, they should come say it to his face. Well Bryan has something to say: he’s in charge tonight. First of all, we’re going to have Ryback vs. Seth Rollins. That’s not all though, as a title is going to be defended tonight when Luke Harper defends against Dolph Ziggler.

Miz tells Daniel to stop stealing his spotlight. Bryan: “Mizdow already did that.” Show wants Bryan out, but Daniel has something for Big Show too. On Monday, Rusev refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance, so tonight he’s defending the US Title in a 20 man battle royal, which starts right now.

US Title: Battle Royal

Rusev, Big Show, Miz, Damien Mizdow, Erick Rowan, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Diego, Fernando, Titus O’Neil, Jack Swagger, Heath Slater, Tyson Kidd, Adam Rose, Sin Cara, Cesaro, Goldust, Stardust, Justin Gabriel, Curtis Axel

It’s a huge mess to start with Show crushing Los Matadores in the corner before throwing Gabriel and Cara out with ease. Rowan does the same to Slater and Cesaro punches Axel over the top. Los Matadores throw out Rose but Show tosses both of them at the same time. We get the showdown with Rowan and Big Show and Erick gets the better of it by knocking Show into the corner and eliminating him pretty easily. Show isn’t done though as he grabs Rowan from behind, allowing Rusev to dump him.

A bunch of guys go after Rusev to no avail as we take a break. Back with Miz saving himself and no new eliminations as far as I can tell. We have Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, Miz, Damien Mizdow, Stardust, Goldust, Rusev, Titus O’Neil and Jack Swagger to go. Stardust low bridges Miz to the floor so Mizdow eliminates himself. Swagger puts out the Dusts before Titus knocks Jimmy out.

Jey dumps Titus, Kidd eliminates Jey and we’re down to four: Swagger, Kidd, Cesaro and Rusev. Everyone goes after Swagger but he fights his way off the and back inside. He throws all three evil foreigners into the corner and gives Rusev the Vader Bomb, only to have to save himself from Cesaro. Kidd dives at Jack but gets dumped, allowing Cesaro to send Swagger to the apron. He backdrops Cesaro out but Rusev hits the running superkick to eliminate Swagger and retain at 13:27.

Rating: D+. This was a fast moving battle royal that didn’t have any significant threat to the champ. Show and Rowan could have won just on size and power alone but Rusev is going to have the title a lot longer than he has so far. You could tell there wasn’t going to be much here with all those tag teams in there though.

Kane is working merchandise tonight when Santino comes up. He mocks Kane’s Ryback shirt, gets stared at, and runs away.

Bray Wyatt is here for a chat. When Ambrose started climbing that ladder on Sunday, he looked like an angel climbing up to Heaven. It almost brought a smile to Bray’s face, but there’s not enough room for people like them up there. He could feel those chairs crashing down on him and it almost made him think he failed Dean for the first time. They have reached the point of no return and what happens next will change Ambrose. Tables, ladders and chairs. Bray says it over and over because he’s going to enjoy torturing Ambrose’s body with all those things. Follow the buzzards.

TLC ad, set to Jingle Bells.

Nikki Bella vs. Emma

Non-title. Nikki slams Emma down with ease but gets caught in the Dilemma for a few seconds. A big slap puts the champ down but Emma runs into an elbow to the jaw. Rack Attack ends this at 1:29.

Post match Nikki has Brie hold the title and say it’s time to hear the truth about AJ Lee. We’ve heard her sob story over and over, but Nikki has worked harder. She’s what a real Divas Champion looks like and AJ will always be that pathetic little girl from New Jersey. AJ runs in and nails Brie as Nikki bails. Nikki had good passion in her promo, but trying to take her seriously as this hard working woman who has clawed her way to the top cracks me up every time.

Kane has destroyed the merchandise stand.

Ryback vs. Seth Rollins

Ryback quickly shoves him down so Rollins grabs a headlock to take away the momentum. A slam sends Rollins rolling to the floor but he comes back in for some unsold chops. Ryback gets all fired up but misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. Back in and Rollins nails a dropkick for two and puts on a front facelock. Rollins fights out of a quick Shell Shock attempt and hits the Downward Spiral into the corner for two. They head outside with Ryback going after Mercury, only to have Rollins send him into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Rollins holding a headlock until Ryback lifts him up into a kind of slingshot belly to back suplex. Ryback’s powerbomb is escaped and an enziguri connects, followed by a superkick for two. Seth misses a splash in the corner so Ryback lifts him up, only to be countered into a running buckle bomb for two. That was a surprising power display from Rollins. The big guy backdrops Rollins onto the Stooges before planting him with a spinebuster back inside. There’s the Meat Hook but Kane runs in for the DQ at 14:46.

Rating: C-. They telegraphed the ending with that shot of the destroyed merchandise stand and the match felt like it was just killing time until we got to this point. That and Kane runs in on at least a match a week anymore so you had to know this was coming. At least Ryback should be able to destroy him in a few weeks.

Rollins and Kane take Ryback down and Kane destroys him with a chair.

Curtis Axel/Slater Gator vs. New Day

New Day is very excited to be making their debut here. Woods dropkicks Axel down to start before bringing Kofi in to kick him in the chest. Big E. nails the Warrior Splash but stops to wipe the sweat off his face. Axel finally takes Xavier down and it’s off to Slater for some stomps to the chest. The heels start taking over until Woods flips out of a suplex and tags out to Kofi. Everything breaks down and Big E. backdrops Kofi onto Titus and Axel. Back in and a combination top rope DDT/Big Ending puts Slater away at 3:23.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but what are you expecting from two former Intercontinental Champions and Woods? That’s the problem with a team like this: two of the three members have already had success, so it’s not like them beating a team of jobbers really means anything. It’s not a bad idea but they need to actually go somewhere instead of acting like these wins mean much.

Recap of the Authority having to leave and Bryan’s revenge on all of the Team Authority members.

Bryan makes Ryback vs. Kane in a Chairs match for TLC. Oh and YES he will be back soon.

Stardust says the Cosmic Key is gone but their anguish goes on and on. He says each day is part of the endless march to oblivion and welcome to the Black Hole. Goldust declares that darkness has fallen on the New Day. There’s the first feud.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper

Ziggler is challenging and goes right at Harper with a rollup like he beat him with on Sunday. A dropkick puts Luke on the floor and we take an early break. Back with Ziggler fighting back with Cole saying it’s rally time. A high cross body gets two but Harper sends him face first into the buckle. We hit the chinlock from the champ but Ziggler hits a quick jawbreaker. Back up and Ziggler hammers away before getting two off the big elbow. The Fameasser is countered but Dolph slips out of a powerbomb and hits the running DDT for two.

Harper gets the same off the sitout Boss Man Slam and Ziggler nails a Fameasser for yet another two. Luke comes back with the big boot and Batista Bomb for two more and Harper is getting shocked. Why he’s shocked I’m not sure as that’s the third time that combination has gotten a near fall. They head outside with Ziggler being launched over the announcers’ table, only to pop up with a superkick, allowing him to beat the count for the win at 10:52.

Rating: C+. Nice match here as these two have good chemistry and Ziggler can take big bumps like almost no other. Harper is going to be a good dragon for someone to slay and take the belt but I can’t imagine him as a long term champion. They’ll likely have a ladder match at the pay per view which should be fun.

Post match Harper lays Ziggler out with the discus lariat but takes too long getting the belt, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This felt like a B house show that was filmed and aired on a Friday night. Nothing on here meant anything and the only thing that mattered was Ryback vs. Kane being announced for the pay per view. That being said, it wasn’t really bad or anything, but it’s back to the old Smackdown standard: it came, it aired for two hours, it had some passable matches and I’m never going to think of it again. That makes it far more dull than bad, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Results

Rusev won a battle royal, last eliminating Jack Swagger

Nikki Bella b. Emma – Rack Attack

Ryback b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Kane interfered

New Day b. Curtis Axel/Slater Gator – Big Ending/Top rope DDT combination to Slater

Dolph Ziggler b. Luke Harper via countout

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This was a show where I’ve needed some time to digest everything that I saw. Now everyone knew that this was a one match show coming in, but I don’t think people were expecting to see something like this. Obviously the big moment is coming at the end but there was some other interesting stuff before then. Let’s get to it.

I’m going to gloss over the pre-show matches as there’s just nothing to talk about. Fandango is somehow even less interesting than he was before and Swagger vs. Cesaro has been done to death. Neither match was any good, but they REALLY don’t need to have an hour long pre-show. That makes a show four hours, meaning the three hour Raw is now the short show. Let that sink in for a minute.

The show itself opened with the first of our filler segments. Vince, Cena and the Authority came out to reiterate the stipulations of the main event, with the added caveat that only Cena could bring the Authority back in the future. Not only did this not segment need to happen to start a pay per view, but it didn’t need to happen at all. This could have been announced later and another match could have been added in to fill some of the time. But instead we needed a fifteen minute speech because we hadn’t heard HHH and Stephanie talk enough.

The opening match was the four way tag for the titles, with the Dusts dropping the belts down to Miz/Mizdow. This whole thing was a way to get somewhere with Mizdow’s popularity, which is the only way they can go. It was a watchable match but at the same time there was too much going on to have it be anything good.

Los Matadores and the Usos were just kind of there to fill in spots and make sure we didn’t have heel vs. heel. Again the match felt like they were filling time at points, because there are only five matches on the card and what else are they supposed to do? Miz celebrating with both belts was a nice touch as you would expect.

Adam Rose and the Bunny played with toys when Slater Gator came in to set up a match later. This would be more filler.

One group of bad Divas plus Natalya beat another group of bad Divas plus Paige. This match was an absolute disaster with the moves being botches, almost no flow to the match, and everyone being all over the place. The idea was supposed to be Paige vs. the World, but she would have been better off without her partners anyway.

Ambrose and Wyatt had a good but not great brawl to set up the next match at TLC. Thankfully they announced that in advance as it would have felt like a waste of time given how obvious they were with where it’s going. The match itself wasn’t great but it was a nice shot in the arm after an hour of uninteresting stuff. The worst part of this whole thing though: Ambrose doing the Wyatt spider pose and Cole shouting “THAT’S WHAT BRAY WYATT DOES!”

I can’t stand this talking down to the audience and acting like they can’t remember anything longer than eight seconds ago. Yeah some of the fans are watching for the first time, but just let them think that Dean is being insane instead of treating the fans who have watched for more than a day like imbeciles. In other words, makes Michael Cole SHUT UP FOR ONCE!

The comedy tag match was nothing you wouldn’t see on Smackdown. The Bunny continues to get on Rose’s nerves but they need to get somewhere with it already as this isn’t getting anyone anywhere.

Roman Reigns did a nice satellite interview, saying everything he’s said in the previous ones. Apparently he’s been taking acting lessons recently and they actually seem to be paying off. He felt a lot more natural here instead of reading off a script (which he likely was).

Nikki Bella won the Divas Title from AJ in a match designed off Sheamus vs. Bryan at Wrestlemania XXVIII, complete with the kiss to AJ. In theory the Bellas are back together, making the last few months of driving me crazy TOTALLY POINTLESS. Nikki did look good though.

The main event was a nice long match which lived up to expectations, complete with a bunch of surprises. Big Show knocked Henry out in about fifteen seconds and we had the best part of the match: HHH’s emotional roller coaster. Yeah I get annoyed when he takes the better part of forever to get anywhere with his promos, but when he calms down and lets his body language do the talking, he’s incredible effective.

The match slowed down for a bit until everything broke down and a Curb Stomp into a spinwheel kick from Rusev was enough to pin Ryback. Yeah after the last few weeks of it being all about Ryback, he was out via pin in about eight minutes. That more or less ends the return push that he had going on as Ryback continues to lose the big matches. It crippled Lex Luger’s career and it’s gotten Ryback as well. Granted not being very good in the ring has hurt him too.

It slowed again with Big Show taking a long beating from everyone. Then for a change of pace, Ziggler took a long beating from everyone. It all broke down again with Rusev throwing Ziggler around on the floor, only to miss a splash through the table, resulting in a countout. They had to get rid of him somehow so it was this or a DQ. Twelve minutes passed between Ryback and Rusev’s eliminations to give you an idea of how much things slowed down. The next one was a bit faster as Rollins Curb Stomped Rowan, setting up the discus lariat from Harper for a pin just a few minutes later.

Then things got interesting as Big Show knocked Cena out, turning heel for probably the fifteenth time in his WWE career. Rollins got an easy pin and Big Show walked out, making it 3-1 with Ziggler facing Kane, Harper and Rollins. This was VERY interesting as it put the focus on Dolph instead of Cena, which is exactly what this match should have been about: making someone else into a star. Cena doesn’t need a win like this, so let someone else get a big rub.

Ziggler was basically dead at this point but kept fighting, which was exactly the story they had been setting up for the last several weeks. He took out Kane with a superkick and Zig Zag before taking one heck of a beating from Harper. Luke got frustrated when he couldn’t pin him though and Ziggler grabbed a rollup and some jeans for the pin.

This sequence was right out of the Shawn Michaels playbook and that’s as good as you can get. The key thing to Ziggler’s offense is that it can come from out of nowhere and it’s not a huge stretch for him to do this. The superkick, Zig Zag and rollup are things that you can do out of nowhere and again it played to the Ziggler Will Not Quit idea. That was just a warmup for the good stuff though.

Rollins and Ziggler had an awesome six or seven minute sequence of near falls and missed finishers, including Rollins nearly hitting a top rope Curb Stomp. Ziggler finally took over and hit a Zig Zag but the Stooges came in for the save. HHH made another save after another Zig Zag and laid out Dolph with a Pedigree. All hope was lost (including Cena, who you would think might have come out for the save, despite him seemingly being the worst teammate EVER in the buildup to this match) but instead STING debuted, laid out HHH and put Ziggler on top of Rollins (who hadn’t moved for about eight minutes) for the final pin.

So yeah, STING debuted. That was up there with Cena turning heel and the Streak being broken on the list of things that I won’t believe until I see for myself. He laid out HHH with a Death Drop (incredible selling by the Game) and gave Ziggler the pin because Sting fights against corrupt authority. This was the big moment that people are going to remember and likely sets up the big match at Wrestlemania.

The match itself was all about the drama and it knocked that out of the park. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest on those near falls and the and I had to see who was going to win in the end. They did a great job of making me guess and that’s all you’re supposed to do in something like this. Sting coming out was a great shock and the whole thing worked like a charm.

Overall, no one is going to remember anything but the main event and Sting debuting. It’s not a great or even really good show, but the main event was all it was supposed to be and a lot more. Sting debuting is one of the moments that you’re going to remember for years to come, even if it doesn’t go anywhere long term. The main event rocked the house and made you forget how horrible the rest of the show, save for Ambrose vs. Wyatt, really was. Good stuff for the most part but just fast forward past most of it.

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Time for a good old fashioned brawling tag team: the APA.

The team, originally called Hell’s Henchmen, became the Acolytes in late 1998. Here’s one of their first beatdowns on Raw, May 3, 1999.

Mankind vs. Acolytes

Hardcore match. Mankind has his 2×4 and goes after Farrooq with it but Bradshaw pops him with a conveniently placed snow shovel and we head outside. The numbers are catching up with Mankind and we go back inside quickly. More beating follows but a Foley chant lets him hit a double clothesline. That of course doesn’t last long and we head back outside. This is moving fast again.

Foley goes into various objects and Farrooq pounds on him. A low blow gets him a break and he fires off some bell and trashcan shots on both guys. Back inside and Foley gets two and a chair shot, in that order. After some heel miscommunication the Claw goes on Farrooq but Bradshaw breaks it up and a double powerbomb onto some chairs ends this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but there wasn’t really a way to have Foley win this and make it look reasonable. That’s one of the benefits of the Attitude Era: people didn’t overcome ridiculous odds most of the time and it kept things a bit more reasonable than it gets today. Now that being said, the rest of the era was insane but that was always a perk.

The Acolytes would win the Tag Team Titles in May, lost them in June and get a rematch at Fully Loaded 1999.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. Hardys/Michael Hayes

Yep it’s a handicap match. At this point I had zero clue which was Matt and which was Jeff. We start in the aisle where they just leave the belts. Who would have thought two of these four would win world titles? I don’t think this has started yet. According to Ross it has. Ah there’s the bell so Ross was wrong.

We have Farrooq and Jeff in there to start while Bradshaw beats up both guys on the floor. Matt takes out everyone with a top rope moonsault. They really were great fliers back in the day. Hayes is pretty freaking worthless here but what did you really expect? The APA takes over with just power. Matt picks to tag Hayes. Why in the world would you do that? We get a Freebird reference so I’m good for the night. There’s Jeff. Crowd is DEAD for this.

I think Lita helped them a good bit to say the least. The Hardys simply aren’t that good at this point. Bradshaw gets a nice belly to back suplex off the top. Not bad. Jeff clocks him with Hayes’ cane over the head. Poetry in Motion is still very much a work in progress here. Hayes comes in and a double powerbomb gives the APA their titles back. Edge, Christian and a ladder would be coming soon.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like it at all. Hayes was just in the way here as he’s old and most of the people here don’t know what he used to be nor do they care more than likely. The Hardys would dump him maybe the next night. Either way, the APA would lose the belts to Kane and X-Pac two weeks later so this was just to get Hayes out of the Hardy picture.

There was new tag team in the company around fall of 1999 and the APA had to reestablish their dominance. From Unforgiven 1999.

Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes

The Dudleys are BRAND NEW here and are the hottest team in the world at the moment. The referee is Jimmy Korderas who wasn’t striking. Bubba has a stutter here. They were just so far ahead of every other team in the world at this time and it’s insane to see what they are today. What are you expecting here really? Bubba telegraphs a splash worse than anything I have ever seen as he jumps at Farrooq’s knees. That was horrible looking.

The Dudleys are in tie-dye here and it looks great. Lawler keeps making fun of Moolah and Mae Young which is very amusing yet totally evil and wrong. Again I have to ask, what does it mean to do something with authority? That makes no sense at all. This is your standard big old brawl and that’s all you could really ask for it to be.

Bradshaw gets an ok belly to back suplex off the top for two. And here’s Stevie Richards dressed like an Acolyte. He kicks D-Von and Bradshaw pins him. Ok then. To say a lot, Bradshaw is the only non ECW guy in there. Yeah it meant a lot.

Rating: D. Way too quick of a brawl here and it meant nothing. This show has been horrible and we’re just an hour into it so far. I was bored out of my mind here and I liked the Dudleys a lot back then. The ending was beyond stupid and it did the match no favors at all. Let’s just get this over with.

We’ll close out the year at Armageddon 1999.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Dudleys, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Edge/Christian, Hardy Boyz, Acolytes, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool.

The Dudleys are out first and yell at Edge and Christian. They all get in a fight before the rest are here. The last man standing wins a tag title shot at the Rumble for his team. The Hardys get a big pop. Terri is with them and is not great looking and undesirable as ever. I love the Posse. I always did. Too Cool gets a solid pop too.

Wow the entrances took awhile for this. It’s individual elimination mind you. Rodney is out. These are hard to call so I’ll more or less be waiting until the end of things. The third member of the Posse keeps going in to cheat. Ok apparently if one guy is eliminated the partner is too. Headbangers are out.

Henry and Godfather are out. Like I said there’s no way to talk about what’s going on here since everything is just a mess. Edge and Christian get both of Too Cool out. It’s Edge and Christian, Dudleys, Acolytes and Hardys. In other words, the four best teams are left. D-Von and Christian go through the ropes and fight on the floor. D-Von pulls Edge out so it’s down to three. There was an affinity for the DDT in this era.

Jeff gets a What’s Up before it was named. Jeff’s crotch is the Promised Land apparently. Jeff takes 3D on top of that but Matt puts the Dudleys out so it’s Hardys vs. Acolytes. Jeff is up after all that inside of a minute. Sure why not. Bradshaw and Matt go out at the same time so they just let us have the other two go at it instead. Bradshaw goes back in anyway so guess how this goes. Not as you would expect actually as Jeff puts Farrooq out but it’s not seem. Ok never mind as Matt is allowed back in. This needs to end like now. And so it does as Farrooq LAUNCHES Jeff out to win.

Rating: D+. Fast paced but boring as are most battle royals. The constant cheating etc at the end just got annoying too. This wasn’t very good but the crowd popped for most of the entrances so there we are. Not terrible but nothing great at all as this could have easily been done on Smackdown or Raw.

Time for another hardcore match on Raw, February 7, 2000.

Hollies vs. Acolytes

Hardcore match. The Hollies charge the ring and are immediately knocked to the floor. All four head into the crowd and to the concourse. We hit the concession stand and it’s time to drink beer. Bradshaw loads up a powerbomb on a table but here’s Viscera with a 2×4. After he slips on beer and gets up, he breaks the weakest 2×4 ever over Bradshaw’s back to give Hardcore the pin. This was short but fun.

Another title shot at Fully Loaded 2000.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. APA

I miss Edge and Christian’s old entrance where the camera flies all over the place and looks for them and they’re in the entry way like normal wrestlers. Edge insults Dallas sports teams which makes me hate them quite a bit. They insult the Kennedy assassination before setting up for flash photography but the APA and their awesome music cuts them off. Bradshaw threatens to put his boot in their ears. Ok then.

He actually uses the term cheap heat. That came out of nowhere. He defends Texas by saying how many titles they’ve won. That just makes him sound like a geek. I didn’t know FTS was more commonly known as Bradshaw. Farroq gets a great step shot in on Christian right off the bat.

This starts off as little more than a squash as Bradshaw just freaking murders Christian. Edge and Christian finally get some offense in as they get the advantage on Bradshaw. I like how they use such generic offense to stay in a match for as long as they can until they can hit a much bigger move. That’s a nice little way to do something. It lasts for all of a minute though as the APA dominates again.

We hear for about the 12th time that Bradshaw is from Texas. Seriously, WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT TEXAS??? With the Acolytes hitting their finishers, Edge goes to the floor and grabs a belt. He gets the referee’s attention and nails Farrooq with it for the DQ. I kind of like that as it plays them holding the belts even longer. The same time though, it makes them look ridiculously weak and since they were known to keep stealing wins like that, it’s rather stupid also.

Either way it was ok I guess. Post match the champions are beaten down even more which for some reason means we should talk about the Rock? That makes no sense but at least they saved it for after the match ended, unlike WCW who likely wouldn’t have acknowledged the match going on at all.

Rating: C. It was really short and pointless but it was never dull. That’s the best thing here: they kept moving the entire time. That’s always a plus as it kept things interesting and made you want to keep watching. I really don’t like the whole cheating to keep the belts thing as it makes them look quite weak, but that’s fine I guess as it fits them to the letter. However at just over five minutes they didn’t have enough time to get anything going so it’s about as average as you can get overall.

Next up was the feud with the Right to Censor, including this eight man tag at Unforgiven 2000.

Dudley Boys/APA vs. Right to Censor

“We’re censors!” “We don’t like censors!” “Let’s have a pre-planned mostly athletic encounter to settle our scripted differences!” There’s your backstory. The APA and the Dudleys dances with Too Cool on Smackdown which wasn’t as funny as it sounds. Steven says his team will win in his hometown. D-Von vs. Goodfather to start which might be an Affirmative Action thing.

The fans, to no one’s surprise, want tables. Let’s see…four former ECW guys in this. No wonder the fans are into it. Bubba comes in quickly and the Ho Train misses. Belly to back gets two for Bubba. Buchanan is so mad he took his tie off. Bradshaw comes in to a nice pop and beats up Buchanan for awhile. Buchanan hits his pretty awesome walk up the ropes and hit a turning clothesline for two.

Venis comes in with his white pants and jokes run rampant. Fallaway slam puts Venis down and it’s off to Farrooq (how DO you spell that anyway?). This has been one sided so far which almost guarantees an RTC victory. Venis hits what is called the Blue Thunder Bomb on No Mercy and it’s off to Goodfather. D-Von is the one getting beaten down at the moment.

Val misses an elbow and there’s the hot (it’s Philly so it’s automatically hot) tag to Bubba. He cleans house 4-1 and again, why do face teams allow their partners to fight such huge odds? Doomsday Device puts Val down and it all breaks down. Steven slips in a kick to Bubba and that’s enough for Val to pin him. Steven was never legally in.

Rating: C-. Just an 8 man here and the fans are into the show already so it’s not like it took much. The ending was pretty clear after the RTC got beaten down so much. To be fair though every company has tendencies in their booking like that which if you watch enough you can almost always pick up. ECW was really bad about that. Anyway, this wasn’t great but it did its job well enough I suppose.

The team was good enough to be brought in for some rare main event shots, including this one on Raw, January 15, 2001.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Steve Austin/???/???

That’s quite the heel team as they’re all champions at this point. Out of nowhere the APA run in and they’re the partners apparently. Austin and Angle start but Angle tags Christian in almost immediately. Off to Edge and Bradshaw now which goes badly for the Canadian. Double spinebuster to Edge as Farrooq comes in. It’s weird to see Austin beat up Edge. They’re tagging that fast mind you.

Angle vs. Austin now and Austin shockingly BACKFLIPS out of a suplex. Edge and Christian grab some chairs but can’t hit a Conchairto on Austin. The APA chases them off and we’re down to the two stars. Superplex gets two for Austin. HHH comes out to the ramp and Austin stares him down. Low blow by Angle and Kurt takes over. Austin manages to counter an Angle suplex and takes over again.

There’s a belly to belly for Austin’s trouble though as Angle pops those hips like only he can. Angle Slam is blocked as they’re flying through this. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away. Angle goes up but jumps into a Stunner to end it. More or less a one on one match but that’s fine by me.

Rating: C+. WAY fast here and it worked pretty well I thought. This works fine as HHH not getting involved here and having Austin do his dirty work for him was perfectly fine as it kills two birds with one stone for him. The tag team aspect meant nothing for the most part but the match was still incredibly energetic and fun.

Another day, another chance to beat up the Hollies on Raw, April 30, 2001.

APA vs. Hollies

It’s a big brawl to the shock of no one paying attention. Bradshaw vs. Hardcore to start with the future WWE Champion in control. Hardcore manages to send him to the floor and that gets him nowhere. Farrooq gets the stairs and they go upside Hardcore’s head as Crash accidentally has the referee. They throw him into the crowd and Bradshaw keeps up the dominance. Crash tries to help his cousin and that gets him nowhere. Crash is supposed to be a bit drunk here. Hardcore keeps fighting and escapes the Dominator but Crash accidentally takes him out with a missile dropkick and the Clothesline ends Hardocore.

Rating: D. Just a comedy match for the most part and not a particularly funny one. This is something you never see anymore: a random match on a story made earlier on in the night. Anymore you would expect a swerve or a run-in here because that’s what you’ve been taught to expect. Not much of a match but Crash was always good for a chuckle.

They did a double shot on Raw, July 9, 2001.

Tag Titles: APA vs. Dudley Boys

Apparently Spike is going to be out for awhile with a broken leg. The APA clears the ring to start and we get down to Bubba vs. Farrooq. Off to Bradshaw as the Dudleys take over. The reverse 3D gets two. D-Von pounds on him and it’s off to Bubba. He goes to the corner for the ten punches but gets powerbombed out and both guys are down. Off to Farrooq and D-Von with Simmons getting a spinebuster for two. 3D doesn’t work but What’s Up does to Farrooq. Bubba goes for a table but Spike comes out, hits Bubba with the crutch and throws him in where Bradshaw’s Clothesline gives the APA their third tag title.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match but I guess the idea here is that if the APA is leading the WWF’s army so give them something to make them seem important. That’s not a terrible idea actually and it’s better than another boring Hardys vs. Dudleys feud for the 7000th time. Not a terrible match and it did its job I guess.

And now for the important match from the same show.

Team WWF/WCW vs. Team ECW

It’s the 10 ECW guys listed earlier for their side. WWF is Big Show/Billy Gunn/Hardcore Holly/APA and WCW is Jindrak/Stasiak/O’Haire/Palumbo/Kanyon. WWF and WCW get in a fight before the ECW guys even get here. WCW is sent to the floor and here comes ECW. The ECW guys fight the WWF team and WCW stays on the floor. ECW clears the ring and calls out the WCW guys. And they all hug, officially forming the Alliance. No match obviously.

Vince comes out and wants to know what’s going on. Shane says watch the WWF guys get destroyed. Each one is thrown in and takes various finishing moves (including an F5 to Bradshaw from O’Haire). Shane says he can’t outspend Vince but he can outsmart him. Vince told Shane he was personally responsible for what happens out here and that’s true.

He’s responsible for ECW being here tonight and for the merger of WCW and ECW. Vince’s jaw is further into the Earth’s crust with every word. At Invasion, it’s the two companies against WWF. Oh, and here’s the new owner of ECW: Daddy’s Little Girl, Stephanie McMahon. The place ERUPTS at that. Vince’s eyes roll back in his head and here’s Stephanie, looking drop dead gorgeous in a pink dress. I think that’s why I loved this show when I was 13. Shane and Stephanie pose to end the show. Now THAT is how you end a TV show.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to the team in its dying days at Wrestlemania XVIII.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Saliva plays the Dudleyz to the ring which gives us the VERY nice image of Stacy in the Dudley attire dancing to the song. I’ve always thought she never looked better than she did in those outfits. Billy and Chuck are defending and this is elimination rules. Bradshaw jumps Chuck to start but Billy saves him from the fallaway slam. Instead it’s Billy taking it as it’s all Bradshaw so far.

A big belly to back suplex puts Chuck down again and it’s off to Faarooq. The crowd is eerily silent for this. Chuck clips Faarooq in the jaw with a right hand and it’s off to Billy for some choking. Billy loads up the Fameasser but gets caught in a wicked powerslam. Back to Bradshaw as things break down a bit. Billy tags in D-Von but the APA breaks up a 3D attempt. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck on the floor and there’s the big Clothesline to Billy, but Bradshaw walks into the 3D for the elimination.

The Hardys and Dudleys start fighting for old times’ sake before Matt and Jeff start beating on Chuck. The Dudleys load up a table but the Hardys dive on them to slow it up. Back in and there’s the Whisper in the Wind to Bubba. Stacy gets up on the apron and pulls up her shorts to distract Jeff, only to get spanked and kissed. A Bubba Bomb slows down Billy before Bubba chokes on Jeff with his shirt.

Things finally calm down a bit until we get to Jeff vs. Bubba again. With D-Von’s help, Bubba manages a backdrop to put Jeff down again and puts on a chinlock. D-Von comes in and runs over Jeff before pounding away in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two and it’s back to Bubba. Having a regular tag match between these two is probably the best idea given how lame Billy and Chuck were in the ring. Bubba stands on Jeff’s crotch in the Tree of Woe before tagging in D-Von for some choking.

A clothesline by Jeff allows for the hot tag to Matt, only to see him immediately run over by Bubba. The backsplash misses of course though and Matt tries to speed it up a bit, only to get caught in What’s Up. Before D-Von can dive though, the champions remember they’re in this too and shove D-Von through the table on the floor. Matt pops up and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for the pin on Bubba, leaving us with Billy and Chuck against the Hardys.

A Side Effect puts Billy down and there’s Poetry in Motion for good measure. Chuck gets the same along with a Twist of Fate. Jeff adds in the Swanton but Billy sneaks in with a Fameasser on Jeff but Chuck can only get two off o it. Instead it’s a belt shot to Jeff’s head for the pin by Chuck to FINALLY end this.

Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.

The APA even had a match named after them. From Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny. There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

They had to try to beat up another tag team at No Mercy 2003.

Basham Brothers vs. APA

This is about the APA hurting the Basham’s manager Shaniqua. The Bashams are named Doug and Danny, which are the names of my uncles so I’ve always liked this team. Bradshaw is blonde here which doesn’t work for him at all. He and Doug start things off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Off to Danny who has no luck, just like his brother. Were they brothers? I know they really aren’t but were they on screen? I’m not sure.

Doug gets in a shot to take over but his splash hits Farrooq’s knees and a brawl breaks out. Cole and Tazz get into a stupid argument as the Dominator is escaped. The Bashams hit a double belly to back suplex for two and Farrooq is in trouble. Bradshaw runs in to try to help his partner, because doing it a minute ago worked oh so well.

Off to a chinlock to eat up a few minutes until Farrooq hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag. Bradshaw cleans house and hits the powerbomb for two on Danny. Everything breaks down and it’s Last Calls (fall away slam) all around. There goes the referee and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline. Shaniqua comes in and hits Bradshaw with a club of some sort for the pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible I guess, but what in the world was the reason to give this nine minutes on PPV? Also why did we have to see Shaniqua in a dominatrix outfit? The match should have been on Smackdown or cut in half, but that’s the danger of single branded PPVs. The Bashams were the flavor of the month on Smackdown while the APA would split in March.

We’ll wrap it up with the team having one last shot at glory at Wrestlemania XX.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

The APA isn’t a hard concept to figure out. They drink, they fight, they drink some more, then they destroy a bar in Rhode Island. This is an idea that has been around for decades and it’s always going to work, especially if you have two monsters like Faarooq and Bradshaw to hand out the beatings.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Now that I’ve actually listened to the whole thing, here are some far more detailed thoughts.  I basically just jotted down notes while listening so I’m skipping over a lot of stuff when he went into detail.

Punk talked about having offers for sponsorships but WWE said no, then gave them to Lesnar.  Brock having sponsorships ties back into the UFC character.  Punk having them would look like when they put Spider-Man 2 logos on the bases at ball games.  It wouldn’t have worked.

Vince freaking out over UFC is ridiculous.  Do “Lion’s Den”, “Brawl For All” or “Ken SHamrock” ring any bells?

Punk talked about Vince being out of touch.  That’s been known for 20 years and he’s been fine.

He said Cena gets mainstream stuff that Punk doesn’t get.  Could this have anything to do with Cena being the All-American boy while Punk is a loudmouth covered in tattoos?

Punk talked about fans never being happy no matter what he says.  As someone with a VERY small presence online, he’s 100% right.  You’re NEVER going to please everyone and that’s all there is to it.

He talked about making money off merchandise and WWE making far more.  Here’s something that I’ll be saying a lot: that’s standard business.

Like here for instance: Punk thinks he’s worth X, WWE thinks he’s worth Y. Punk signed for Y and worked for Y. Now if he thinks he should get more that’s fine, but he agreed to that salary and that’s all he’s entitled to.  THis will be another recurring theme.

Mentioned having a concussion and the concussion tests being bogus.  If that’s true then….I’m not sure what to do about it.

I agree on wanting a three way main event at Wrestlemania XXIX. Punk vs. Undertaker for the title could have worked as well, but Rock vs. Cena II made a FORTUNE so there was something to it.

Punk says he made himself work through it but then complains about the outcomes? Yeah he wants to be the best, but there are consequences to that.

I have no issue with him wanting to be cleared by a doctor after elbow surgery when WWE cleared him anyway. It’s his body and he deserves to have that peace of mind.

The Straight Edge Society was good, not great. Big Show shouldn’t have destroyed him that fast though.

“Shouldn’t they be trying to make money with everyone?” Indeed they should.

Yes Punk beat Cena in merchandise sales and it’s impressive. Now make it last longer than a few months.

He says the Shield was his idea. Wanting to keep him, Punk wanted Hero as the third guy which I’ve heard before. Hero would have bombed in the stable.

Ryback stuff is interesting but nothing shocking really. Calling him steroid guy is interesting but he doesn’t say he saw it or anything so it’s speculation.

As for the TLC with Ryback, yeah that’s a bit nuts but again Punk probably could have shot it down (Punk had knee surgery and they were rushing him back for the TLC match then the Rock feud/rematch/Mania when he wanted time off after dropping the belt).

Wanting time off after losing the belt after holding it that long is more than reasonable. No one needed the rematch at Elimination Chamber. Saying he wasn’t going to get a rub off the Undertaker match is bogus given its history. It was better than Brock vs. HHH and about the same as Cena vs. Rock. It didn’t blow either away though. Saying he should have gone on last and saying pay him more for it being great is nonsense. He signed the contract for it and knew what he was getting paid for it.

Talking about asking questions etc., again, that’s fine but sometimes there are consequences for speaking your mind. The part timers thing still doesn’t hold up due to financial reasons.  They get those spots because they’ve earned them at the box office.  There are a lot of people that work a lot of dates and they’re not getting those spots.  WHy shouldn’t, say, Sheamus get that spot?  He works most dates but you don’t hear him complaining about part timers.

He said the casual fans are going to stop caring if he’s always losing the major show matches. As for the stock in the eyes of the casual viewer, if you only have a few chances to showcase your talents, it’s going to go up. Brock vs. Punk was Match of the Year and in matches like those, the winner is an afterthought.

Punk vs. Ryback again didn’t need to happen again after Punk vs. Lesnar. I’m with Punk on that one. He’s right on HHH vs. Axel too as that was ALL about HHH like it always was.

Punk blocking WWE on Twitter is hilarious.

He talked about no one remembering the best match at Wrestlemania because it’s all about the main event.  I present Wrestlemania 24 and 25 to say that that’s nonsense.

As for Wrestlemania XXIX pay (Punk says he should have made as much as the other top names because his match was best), that’s his opinion and it’s all he’s basing it on. He also said that Wrestlemania draws instead of the stars.  Wrestlemania isn’t the entirety of the draw and look at Wrestlemania XXIII and XXVIII if you want proof.

Not knowing where pay is coming from with the new Network stuff is indeed ridiculous.

The doctor not cutting the thing out of his back: again, it’s his body and if there are all those issues, he should yell about it.  Or, go find a non-WWE doctor to cut it out if that’s all he needed.

Hoping to channel Foley’s run in 2000 in order to get a Wrestlemania main event slot is pretty freaking stupid. He’s done all this before but it didn’t work so why would he think it would now?

It was clear that Punk was hurt in the Rumble. He said he had a concussion, they gave him a way out, he kept going. Same problem as before.

As someone who takes pride in never taking drugs/drinking/smoking etc, I’d be glad to take whatever drug test they give me.  I get that it’s not the point, but just do it and move on.  That takes ten seconds.  He’s right about fixing his injuries now but he put a lot of that on himself.

Big meeting with Vince/HHH: they’re above Punk, as they’re bosses. HHH does NOT need to wrestle Punk. He’s right about three years ago though. There’s one main event at Wrestlemania….most of the time.

So the WWE doctor was right about antibiotics but the wrong ones.

Firing him on wedding day…..yeah that’s lame. The no compete clause for UFC is laughable.

Finally, Punk says he’ll never have a working relationship with them again.  I would point you to Bret Hart as United States Champion for WWE in 2010.  Imagine that say, ten years ago.

So yeah, WWE did some stupid stuff, but at the end of the day, so many of these problems come down to Punk being hard headed and trying to get their attention with his hard work. Yeah he worked hard, but if they haven’t reacted to it yet, why in the world would he think they were going to again later?

At the end of the day, Punk sounds like Jim Cornette (and remember that he’s basically my idol in wrestling): he thinks he’s right on everything (and he is on a lot of them) but if you want to be in the big wrestling company, you have to go along with some of the corporate stuff. They all have to go along with things they don’t want to because they have thousands of stockholders to please. Much like with not being paid what he thinks he’s worth, that’s life in business.

One thing I want to emphasize: this was NOT him bashing WWE for two hours. This is him saying his version of what happened (make sure you keep that in mind. This is all from Punk’s point of view and perspective. The company has its reasons for doing things and their side should be heard as well) and voicing some of his complaints. He doesn’t rip on the talent, he doesn’t rip on the wrestling. Instead it’s him criticizing a lot of their decisions in terms that make sense.

However, all that being said, I’ll go back to the Cornette point: if you want to work for a major company and get major checks, you have to give up stuff. Punk wanted to prove he was the best at everything and he did to a degree. WWE didn’t reward him directly for that, but there was never any guarantee on their part. Assuming they paid him what they promised to in his contract, they owe him nothing from a business standpoint.

Some of the medical stuff I’ll completely go with Punk on, but if his back is that messed up, he should have gone to another doctor on his own if WWE wouldn’t do it. That’s more common sense than anything else. If WWE was pushing him too hard though, Punk should have asked for the time off. WWE gave him chances to take it off but Punk soldiered on. That’s on him.

Overall it’s a VERY interesting interview and well worth listening to in full (it’s readily available on Youtube) but don’t immediately agree with everything Punk says, because a lot of it needs to be taken with some major grains of salt. Either that or saying “Punk, that’s not how business works so quit thinking you’re more valuable than everyone else.” Punk was indeed a top star and white hot, but Cena and Rock are bigger stars no matter how you look at it. He has a point in some of the booking criticisms, but some of them come off as Punk having a swelled head. This is going to be talked about for a LONG time though and I’d heavily recommend that you listen to it yourself.  It flies by.

So CM Punk was on Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling podcast and went OFF on WWE, Vince, HHH and everything about them in one of the best rants you’ll ever hear.  You probably should listen to it in full, but here’s the most detailed synopsis I’ve found so far.  THis is a long one but totally worth the time.

No I didn’t write this myself if that’s not clear.  My thoughts are at the bottom.

Source: http://www.cagesideseats.com/wwe/2014/11/27/7298557/cm-punk-story-walking-out-on-wwe

• He says that while people have remarked time and again that he couldn’t change anything while sitting on his couch in Chicago he disagrees because it almost took him doing exactly that for meaningful change to occur. He indicates that while they may have done some things to spite him, he’s really happy that certain things happened the way they did. He doesn’t outright say that the Daniel Bryan run through WrestleMania 30 was because he left but he definitely hints at as much.
• “It’s okay to be bitter about some things. That’s how you work through stuff.”
• He remarks that he’s the happiest he’s been in a really long time. “I’m the f****** happiest I’ve been in I don’t know how long, at least three years, legitimately. I find these other things that have made me happy and I thought this thing that I loved, that I thought I loved, it just made me so miserable. All the time, it made me miserable. I guess the black and the white of it, when you boil it all down, the essence of it, was I was miserable, I was unhappy, f*** it! I made myself happy. I left. That’s what it boils down to. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but it was also a long time coming.”
• He said there are many assumptions, like he was disgruntled with his creative direction, he was injured, he was mad about working with Triple H. “There’s an element of truth in all those things but I can’t say there was one big thing that led to my decision.” He does say that the biggest was his health.
• He despises the term “pipe bomb” now because everyone refers to promos as that now.
• People were calling him about sponsor money after the pipe bomb and he pitched it to Vince McMahon, who wouldn’t sign off on it. Then Brock Lesnar came in and was allowed to have sponsors on his wrestling gear.
• The story behind the pitch to WWE on walking out with Chael Sonnen at a UFC show and how it would have been good business. Vince told him someone might die in a fight and there’s no way they could let him go. Vince was also apparently appalled at the idea of women fighting in the UFC.
• He says the environment is “creatively toxic” and gives examples of issues like pitching something to Vince, being told “no,” and seeing John Cena doing that exact thing a week later.
• For the fans who are cool fans of his and who would like to hear an explanation, he is giving it to them right now. For those who were demanding it and calling him a quitter, those people can go to hell. For that matter, just because you bought a t-shirt doesn’t entitle you to anything and you didn’t make him and WWE didn’t make him. “WWE was a f******pit stop.” He said he’s not defined by his job, and no one should be.
• “That place should be the happiest place to work and they use that as some bizarre mindf***. ‘Go out there and have fun!’ It’s like ‘f*** you, this place sucks, and on top of that, you’re not f****** paying me nearly enough to do this s***.”
• He brings up the WWE Network coming out and how he spent months asking questions and wasn’t told anything.
• He rails on WWE for how they treat wrestlers as far as concussion protocol goes, revealing that he was working through concussions (he got one in the Royal Rumble too, and the testing for it was a joke) and a knee injury and messed up ribs. He was still in a mindset of doing what was best for “the boys” so he gutted out a lot of situations he definitely shouldn’t have.
• When The Rock came back, he said he wanted to work babyface against a strong heel so Punk was given the choice to either turn heel or drop the WWE title to Daniel Bryan. He was told that if he turned heel and did the job, he would be owed one. So he made the sacrifice, one he admits wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. He does say he tried to politic his way into the main event of WrestleMania, making Rock vs. Cena into a three-way before they booked him against Undertaker.
• Punk talks about WWE plans to get him a heater after WrestleMania and he reveals The Shield was his idea, believe it or not. They wanted a heel stable that would have included Punk, Big Show, Daniel Bryan, and Seth Rollins. So he pitched that they pick three guys from developmental to create the stable. They asked who he wanted and he said “Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Chris Hero.” Triple H vetoed Hero and they put Roman Reigns in that spot instead. The idea was to put The Shield with Punk but plans changed.
• He says the Ryback program took years off his life because of how green he is. He also calls Ryback “steroid guy” because “I call it like I see it” and reveals that Ryback kicked him in the stomach so hard during a match it broke his ribs and he never got an apology or call about it.
• “I wrestled that match with Undertaker at WrestleMania with the biggest f****** chip on my shoulder because I knew it was going to be better than Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H and The Rock vs. John Cena.” They admitted that he should have went on last and he got “so f****** mad” before demanding that they should pay him like he went on last and they didn’t.
• He harps on wrestlers not taking a stand against the machine, going along with stories that don’t make any sense for anyone. He said the only people who say anything are Cena and maybe Randy Orton.
• His response to being told they wanted him to do the job to Brock Lesnar was to wonder who was coming to work the next day and, of course, being told that he would but Brock wouldn’t and there wouldn’t be a rematch at the next show. So he found a way to get excited about doing what they asked, working with Chris Jericho at Payback and Lesnar at SummerSlam, thinking it would help his case for the main event of WrestleMania the next year.
• He takes a shot at Triple H not putting over Curtis Axel the way he had originally said he was going to, and wanting to work with him to help elevate him. Instead, they booked him with Ryback again and once again, Ryback injured him with a guerrilla press spot where he missed the table. That’s one of the things he’s bitter about.
• Confirmed: He s*** his pants during SmackDown late last year and tells the story of tweeting it and being told he couldn’t tweet that and had to take it down. Many realized and reported on Punk unfollowing the WWE Twitter account not long after. It turns out he blocked them.
• He complained about the pay he received from his WrestleMania match with Undertaker on the basis that he had the best match on the card and he should have been paid equal to everyone else on the card. When he found out that wasn’t the case, he was outraged by it because “no one else on that card could have laced my boots that night”. When Cabana brings up Rock being a huge movie star and that bringing in more fans, Punk says he doesn’t care and WrestleMania is what draws at this point and no one can tell him different.
• The treatment he received for a large mass on his back was laughable, with the doctor not doing much of anything about it as it grew more and more.
• He went into the Royal Rumble knowing that the plan for WrestleMania was for Batista vs. Randy Orton for the title to main event and his plan was to work so hard during the match that he would change their minds.
• There’s a great story of Punk telling Rusev backstage before the Rumble match that no one gives a s*** about him and he needs to forget that Punk is supposedly a big star and get in there and really make an impression.
• When he was told during the match that he would be eliminated by Kane, he initially responded with the idea that he would quit if Kane even touched him because his wrestler’s mentality kicked in and he wanted to finish the match.
• During the drive to Cleveland for Raw the next night, he was miserable and looked over at his future wife, AJ Lee, who he says he knew he was going to marry and just hadn’t said anything yet, and had an epiphany wondering what he was doing with his life.
• At Raw the night he quit, he went in and was told he was going to have to take a drug — he calls it a “p*** test” — test and considering the new policies they put in place so wrestlers who had failed previous tests could get strikes taken off their record, he was livid that he, of all people, would have to take a pIII test. He demanded to be taken care of for his various health issues and they wanted him to sign a bunch of papers and take the p*** test. That’s when he decided he was done.
• He reveals he called a meeting with Vince McMahon and Triple H initially said he would leave but Punk told him to stay. “I do not love this anymore, I’m f****** sick, I’m f****** hurt, I’m f****** confused, I don’t know as a business what we’re doing anymore, I… every day you tell me this is a team effort but every day it’s a f****** individual effort by me to find what’s necessary to even f****** come here. It’s not fun. I have zero f****** passion for this. I’m f****** concussed, I’m f****** hurt, and alls (sic) you care about is what segment I am and how soon I can f*(***** get my gear on and when I can pea in this f****** cup. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”
• He said he talked openly about bringing back Batista as a babyface being a horrible idea.
• When Triple H told him that Batista took the same p*** test they were asking Punk to take, Punk asked “did you” and got no response. “Look, I thought when I re-signed three years ago, Vince, I told you if I couldn’t be all that I could be you should f****** fire me, that if I was a fraud and I was anything less and fell short of the f****** mark… I sold more shirts than John Cena until I turned heel for you, and you said you owed me one.. I worked guys that were f****** dangerous and you said you owed me one. I did all these f****** things and all I wanted was the main event of WrestleMania and it’s fine if you don’t think that is me and that I’m that caliber of a f****** superstar but then you need to f****** fire me because I do not want to be here and I do not want to be anything less. I will go somewhere else and I will get more f****** over because I know I can. You have shackled me, you have creatively stifled me, you have made this a very toxic environment, I no longer want to be here.”
• “It boggles my mind how Daniel Bryan has not figured into your plans to be in the main event of WrestleMania because this is his f****** year. Just like two years ago it was my f****** year and I was white f****** hot just like he is now and what did you do? You fed me to this guy.” He said Vince responded to all this by saying it was just the concussion talking and that working with Triple H was like working in the main event. Punk says he turned to Triple H and said “All due respect, I do not need to wrestle you, you need to wrestle me. I do not want to wrestle you. I seriously resent you for not putting me over three years ago when you should have. That would have been best for business but you had to f****** come in and squash it. And then I had to lose to F****** Truth and Miz. It didn’t make any business sense then, it doesn’t make any business sense now, and I am in a position now where I can tell you that I don’t have to nor do I want to wrestle you at WrestleMania. I don’t care if I was supposed to win.”
• Punk reveals he was scheduled to beat Triple H at WrestleMania and he didn’t care. “I didn’t want to give him the F****** privilege. He says Triple H never liked him and while you hear stories on the dirt sheets about various things, whenever he was in a room with Triple H there were never good vibes. “The way he would always look sideways at me, the way he always treated me.” He says he thinks Triple H believes he’s a “piece of s***.”
• Triple H told Punk that he had the best match at WrestleMania 29 against Undertaker and that it was the main event. Punk said they can push that way of looking at it to the fans, but the main event is the match that goes on last and that’s all there is to it.
• He says the Batista vs. Randy Orton main event plan was from an old, out of touch mind and he was really, really stoked when they made the change and put Daniel Bryan in the match and gave him his moment.
• When Triple H again pushed that Punk was in the main event at WrestleMania 29, Punk asked if he made the same money as those who went on after him. Again, Triple H responded with silence.
• He said Vince had tears in his eyes and gave Punk a hug, one Punk reciprocated, albeit reluctantly. Then he turned to Triple H, who had extended his hand, shook it, and said “good bye” before walking out.
• He brings up people saying “oh my god, he walked out on his contract” and clarifies that he’s an independent contractor and he could have walked out whenever he wanted to. Plus, he didn’t do it in the middle of a program and he didn’t hold them up. There wasn’t anything advertised for him coming up. He walked when there was nothing for him.
• Vince called him a week after he walked out and asked if he was ready to come back to work. He told Vince “no” at that time.
• His wife, AJ, convinced him to go to a doctor in Tampa Bay and he looked at the mass in his back. He was immediately told that he had a staph infection. He was told he needed to go to a hospital and get on an antibiotic IV drip. He wondered what they would do with less time and they cut it out, and gave him antibiotics, an experience he describes as the most painful thing he’s gone through in his life. He was given three months of antibiotics and told that after working with a staph infection for three months, he could have died.
• After catching up on sleep and feeling a lot better, he got a call from Vince saying he was suspended for two months. After thinking of the timeframe, he thinks that his suspension will come up just after WrestleMania and okay, whatever. But then it came up and he didn’t hear anything. He heard from an investor call that Vince told investors he was “on a sabbatical”. It was then that he realizes he hadn’t received a royalty check.
• He tells the story of finding a royalty check from WWE and calling about what he should do about it. He also asked about the royalty check he had yet to receive and is told that said check was at the desk of a lawyer. He attempted to contact said lawyer and found no success. He says he got a bunch of butt dials from various people and how he called about the royalty checks. He was given the runaround from literally everyone.
• He put the royalty check issue on the backburner because he was getting married and the Blackhawks were in the playoffs and he had a lot going on in his personal life at the time, like planning his honeymoon. Triple H texted him on June 11 asking if he had time to talk. He was upset about this, and said he had a honeymoon he was about to go to after getting married in two days. He asked for his royalties and promised to talk after his honeymoon.
• Punk then reveals that he was fired by WWE on his wedding day and that he believes it was a calculated move. He explains that he got a FedEx and the letter was ridiculous, saying he was in breach of contract on Jan. 27 and he was forfeiting his royalties and there was a no compete clause for UFC in it.
• He said he called a lawyer before going on his honeymoon, gave him his story, and the lawyer said “great, let’s get these motherf******.” He said he can’t talk about the terms of the settlement but does reveal he “got everything I wanted, and then some.”
• WWE tried to get him to sign a non-disparagement agreement and he said that he wasn’t the one who was talking, they were the ones who went out in Chicago and called him a quitter on television. He said he would only consider signing the agreement if they went to Chicago and apologized while admitting they lied, that he didn’t quit, and that they fired him on his wedding day.
• He says WWE was worried that he was going to go to TNA and his lawyer told them he isn’t interested in that and he despises professional wrestling now. He also said there won’t ever be a working relationship with WWE ever again.
• He said he’s happy training and being married and writing comics and just living his life now.
• He says he failed at his goal of wrestling in the main event of WrestleMania but he’s come to terms with it.

My thoughts on it: First and foremost, it’s obvious that Punk’s story is only his side.  I’m certainly not saying he’s lying, but you can only get so much truth out of one party’s version.

Here’s the big thing though: Punk can talk all he wants about how unfair things are and how he should have been in the main event all he wants.  That’s fine.  However, at the end of the day, Rock vs. Cena drew a fortune and Rock vs. Cena II drew a slightly smaller fortune.  Whether Punk was hot or not, those numbers are REALLY hard to argue against.  I still find his match with Undertaker very overrated though as I never bought him as a threat to the Streak, which I found Shawn and HHH (in the Cell at least) to be.  Yeah it was probably the match of the night but it was nothing excellent.

As for stuff I agree with him on, we’ll start with the match against HHH in 2011.  I’ve heard every possible argument about how HHH should have gone over and I don’t buy them at all.  While I don’t think he would have surpassed Cena full time as the top star, I see no reason for HHH to beat him there.  HHH has been a made man for years and was basically retired at that point, but he beat Punk anyway.  I’m not the biggest Punk fan in the world at times but that was ridiculous.  Yeah he got the long title reign out of it but, as he’s said, most of the time Cena was still in the main event (which he should have been a good deal, though not all of, the time).

As for him leaving like he did….I’m split on that.  He’s right that he didn’t have anything major going on, but if he’s right about Batista vs. Orton headlining Wrestlemania (which I don’t completely buy as true), he had a legitimate complaint.  It’s one thing for Lesnar or Rock or someone with a legitimate drawing record to come in and take a spot like that, but Batista isn’t a big enough star to validate that kind of power.  I would have liked to see Cena vs. Punk vs. Rock at Wrestlemania XXIX, but I see why WWE went the way they did.  As for XXX, as Punk said, it was Bryan’s year.

Overall he makes a ton of valid points, but a lot of it comes off like the same fanboy comments you hear all over the place.  Yes he was hot, but if that doesn’t translate to business, it’s not something that can be done.  That being said, I think they screwed up by having HHH beat him in 2011 and giving him the title as a consolation prize instead of as the big prize for him.

It’s very interesting stuff, but don’t immediately take it all as gospel.  Also, I know he said he’ll never be back, but would you have believed that Bret Hart would not only come back in 2010 but win a title in WWE?  Keep that in mind.

Today we’re looking at someone a bit curvier in Maryse.

After a few years in developmental, Maryse debuted on the main roster in 2008. Here she is at Unforgiven.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Michelle is champion. Michelle as a face just never worked. She’s such a natural villain and her pumping her fist doesn’t work at all. She hurts her knee going to the floor and Maryse works on it as we’re waiting for the people to get back from popcorn time to end this. Michelle works on Maryse’s leg in a heel hook but she gets a rope. The fans are all over this match already. A sitout gordbuster keeps the title on McCool.

Rating: D-. Michelle and Maryse are too hot to be a failure but the match was terrible. NO ONE cared and that was very clear. Nothing to see here and we’re moving on. Why this got almost six minutes was crazy but I’d assume that it was due to a long line at the Cena shirt booths. Horrible match.

Time for a TV match on Smackdown, September 19, 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Maryse

Michelle is defending here and is still just the perky blonde. The title is brand new here too. Michelle takes her down to the mat with a front facelock but Maryse takes over with a headlock. McCool speeds things up and frustrates Maryse who can’t keep up with the champ. Maryse heads to the floor but she trips Michelle up and takes over.

A slingshot dropkick puts Michelle down and Maryse pounds away, only to get rolled up for two. Maryse cranks on a chinlock but McCool uses her height to get back out. Things speed up and a running flipping neckbreaker gets two for the champ. Maryse misses a charge into the corner and McCool hits Christopher Daniels’ Angel’s Wings to retain.

Rating: C-. It’s absolutely amazing how much more interesting a match like this is than the Divas of today. The main difference is that the girls here are athletes who use their athletic abilities in a wrestling ring. Today, we have girls who are mostly models who get some bare bones wrestling training but they look good in shorts. McCool, a chick who had only been wrestling full time for a few years at this point, looked more comfortable than Kelly EVER looked in her entire career. That’s a big reason why the Divas just stopped being interesting at all.

Off to Armageddon 2008 for the main thing the Divas are known for.

Maria/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool vs. Maryse/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Natalya

Santa’s Little Helper’s match here. The heels are in green and are elves I guess. Maria’s song is really catchy. I miss Michelle. Mickie vs. Maryse starts us off. Mickie keeps going after her and Maryse tries to pose. Off to Mickie vs. Natalya in the real fight here. Nattie is pretty new at this point. Kelly is Jewish and Striker calls her the Hot Hebrew. That sounds like a really bad coffee shop. The announcers are having a fun time with this. The match is totally pointless of course and it’s off to Maria. Somehow she gets compared to John Berzerker Nord. Everything breaks down and Michelle hits the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to end Maryse.

Rating: C+. Don’t bother trying to figure out if the rating is good because it isn’t, but there was a weird energy for this one and I had fun with it. Also Michelle in shorts and Maria with her energetic perkiness are never bad things. The girls looks hot and everyone was having fun in a nice breath of air before the main events. What more can you ask for?

We’ll jump ahead a bit to Night of Champions 2009.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

This is a rematch from The Bash which was brought on by some bad acting. Michelle’s bra is sticking WAY out here. Melina gyrates like no one I’ve ever seen. Michelle is the first person to use her freaking brain and kicks Melina on her splits intro. And there’s your first botch as they mess up an arm drag. We get some kicks that don’t actually connect as I have a bad feeling about this match.

We hit the floor and are told that a slam of the face into the barricade is a DDT. Riiiiiiiight. Melina is laying on the apron and in a coole counter she pulls up onto the bottom rope to avoid a baseball slide. They’re hitting hard but at the same time, they’re botching the hell out of so many things. Michelle reverses a rollup into a rollup for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D. They were trying but this was just a mess and a half. They were botching stuff left and right with there being little flow or psychology at all. Michelle has gotten better which to be fair she couldn’t have gotten much worse. This was really bad as the two of them just do not have the chemistry.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Gail Kim is incorrectly called a two time Womens’ Champion. Gail slides to the corner to avoid a charge from the blonde and gets two off a bulldog. Maryse comes back with a kick to the face for two of her own but gets rolled up for another near fall. Kim goes up top but completely misses a top rope cross body to put both girls down. A victory roll doesn’t work for Gail and a quick DDT gives Maryse the title. This was nothing.

She even made it onto Wrestlemania XXVI.

Laycool/Vickie Guerrero/Maryse/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Mickie James/Gail Kim

Beth is in white here and man alive it REALLY works for her. She’s also a face here which is really rare. Vickie and Gail start with Kim getting shoved backwards. Vickie poses and when she turns around, it’s Beth. All the good girls take their turns on Vickie in the corner so she shouts at them. Michelle breaks up a pin by Kelly and we already begin the parade of finishers (Gail totally botches Eat Defeat), culminating with Beth ENDING Fox with the Glam Slam. Michelle saves Vickie from Beth with a big boot before putting Vickie on the top rope. The “Hog Splash” is enough to pin Kelly.

Rating: D. Laycool and Beth looked GREAT out there so it doesn’t fail for them. No one else was in there long enough to make much of an impression, but again it’s amazing how much better the Divas are at this point. They have personalities and actual emotions instead of just staring at cue cards and botching everything they do.

From Over the Limit 2010.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Eve Torres

This is better than I’d expect it to be actually. This has gotten some great build over the past few weeks and due to a lack of matches they have to give it a lot of time. Maryse randomly starts crying for no adequately explained reason. We actually get some near falls. Eve hits some screwed up face plant into a rollup for the pin. Cole, Striker and Lawler make jokes about Eve and just lose it on commentary.

Rating: C-. For what you had to work with here and given what Divas matches tend to be, this was actually decent. I tend to start most Divas matches at a D or so, meaning this was pretty good. There was some actual drama and Eve won with a nice finisher. Solid little match.

From shortly thereafter at Fatal Fourway.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Eve Torres

Eve is in blue again so I can’t complain at all. Everyone is in this at once which does little to get my hopes up on this. Yeah I don’t care at all about this. Everyone goes for submissions at once but everyone breaks them up to play up the whole fatal aspect of this. The ropes can’t be used for breaks apparently.

I’d bet that’ll be compromised about a million times here. Eve hooks a camel clutch and Gail gets a Boston Crab on Alicia at the same time. Maryse runs her mouth off and Alicia blasts her. Gail hits a dropkick which Striker of course calls a Jumping Bomb Angel Double Stomp. I hate him at times. Eve hits a very fast neckbreaker on Maryse and doesn’t cover, instead hitting a bad moonsault. And Alicia Fox wins the title by stealing the pin on Maryse. Oh dear.

Rating: D. Seriously, are we supposed to care about Alicia Fox? She’s been on TV like once this year and is now the champion. I don’t get the appeal of her at all, but I guess someone does. I still don’t care about the division at all, but it needs to be merged with the other one to help it survive.

Maryse was on NXT Season 3, including October 26, 2010.

Maryse/Ted DiBiase vs. Goldust/Aksana

Aksana does look sexy in red. I’ll give her that. And just as the bell rings the video freezes. Ah there we go. The girls start us off. They yell at each other and Cole says his producer told him that if they’re talking let us hear them. AMEN! Maryse knocks off the horns and rips off the tail so now Aksana is just in a skin tight red suit. I’m sold.

It’s a mixed tag so the men have to fight each other. Of course we’re just talking about the wedding here which I guess makes sense here. We head to the floor with DiBiase being all ticked off. Why doesn’t he just grab the belt and run if that’s why he’s here? Maryse helps her man as Aksana plays cheerleader.

Goldust plays Ricky Morton for like a minute until the girls come in. The guys go to the floor and Aksana gets a small package out of nowhere for the pin. Is that her first win? DiBiase goes for the belt but Aksana slaps him and gets it back. The good people get away with it, proving that faces can get away with anything. Ventura and Heenan were right all along! Match ran about 6:30.

Rating: C. Not terrible and fine for a TV main event on a show like this one. This wasn’t your standard match where the guys did the majority of the work and the girls were in there for like 10 seconds. The girls were fairly decent out there which is surprising to me. Not a classic or anything but it did what it was supposed to do and didn’t seem that long.

Here’s a quick TV match from Smackdown on February 18, 2011.

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix vs. Layla/Maryse

After the faces enter we take a break and get a clip of the first regular episode of Smackdown (remember that there was a pilot about four months earlier) from August of 99. Michelle has a bad foot so is out for awhile. Beth vs. Maryse to start. Michelle is on commentary and wants to know why Eve is the Divas Champion when Michelle got a pin also.

Off to Layla vs. Eve with the champion dominating. Michelle seems a bit irritated by Layla here as we continue to push the split. Eve fires away with kicks and Michelle gets off commentary. She limps up the steps and gets in the face of Layla. Beth hits her in the foot to bring her down. In the confusion, Layla and Maryse hit what I think was supposed to be a double superkick so that Layla can pin Eve at 2:27. No rating as this was mainly Layla vs. Eve but this was no worse than your usual Divas match.

We’ll wrap it up on Raw, July 25, 2011.

Maryse/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres

At least they all look good. Eve and Maryse start and Eve hits a downward spiral and then dances before trying a standing moonsault for two. Maryse gives her a Stinkface and Kelly comes in. Everything breaks down and Melina misses a charge, allowing the K2 to end it at 2:51. Thank goodness I don’t have to rate it. Match was AWFUL but the girls looked good.

So yeah, Maryse is the definition of a blonde bombshell and that’s all she needed to be. She could have passable matches but she was around to make everyone jealous and do that cool thing with her hand. At the end of the day though, Miz goes home to her every night in one of the most appropriate pairings ever. Maryse was around at a time when you only had to look good and be able to have a decent match to be a top Diva and that’s about as far as she got.

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Next up we’ve got a guy who was starting to show some potential when he passed away far too early: Lance Cade.

Cade started in 1999 after being trained by Shawn Michaels. We’ll pick things up in his early days with Memphis Championship Wrestling on June 23, 2001, a WWF developmental territory at the time.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Lance Cade

The bell rings but an injured Rikishi comes out to say that he’s reformed. After about three minutes of talking, Cade cranks on the arm to start until Scotty runs him over with a shoulder. A dropkick gets two for Scotty but Lance comes back with a bunch of right hands to the jaw. That’s fine with Scotty who crotches him against the post but it really doesn’t seem to hurt him that much.

Cade takes him back to the floor for a beating before choking on the ropes back inside. Scotty’s comeback is stopped with a spinwheel kick and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Scotty speeds things up before planting Cade with a DDT. They slug it out with Scotty taking over and starting the real comeback. A backdrop looks to set up the Worm but Lance bails to the floor and tries to leave. That’s not cool with Rikishi so the fat man throws him back inside, setting up the Worm for the pin.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t half bad. At the end of the day it wasn’t supposed to be a competitive match or anything like that, but rather a way to have a rookie like Cade get some experienced against a veteran like Scotty. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much given how low my expectations were going in.

After a few years in OVW, Lance changed his name to Garrison and got on Raw. Here’s a semi-famous match from Raw on June 16, 2003.

Garrison Cade vs. Lance Storm

Here’s the thing: Steve Austin is on the stage chanting BORING at Storm for the better part of the match. He even brings out a big blanket, saying that he can take a nap on the stage by watching a Lance Storm match after watching grass grow and paint dry didn’t knock him out. Storm hammers on Cade to start but Cade comes back with a dropkick. Garrison cranks on the arm as Austin starts yawning. He lays down on the stage because the match is even more boring than he thought it would be.

Now Storm works on the arm as Austin declares him better than sleeping pills. Austin: “I’m having a dream. Lance Storm is in the ring. OH NO IT’S A NIGHTMARE!” He wakes up as Lance drops Cade with a punch and says Storm has put the whole world to sleep. Storm finally yells at Austin and of course gets rolled up for a fast pin.

Since Cade was as boring as Austin said Storm was, they stuck him with Mark Jindrak as a tag team. Here they are in a Tag Team Turmoil match at Armageddon 2003.

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidently kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

Somehow they got on Wrestlemania XX.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.

Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.

Time for a new partner. From Vengeance 2004.

Tajiri/Rhyno vs. Jonathan Coachman/Garrison Cade

Uh…yeah. Seriously how do I even talk about this? This is like an opener on Heat, but a bad one. This was announced on Heat. Seriously, what was the thought osn this? To my great shock and awe, this has a backstory. For no apparent reason Eugene was made GM of Raw for a night and had a game of musical chairs for a title match. Tajiri was eliminated first and Coach got the last seat. This fell out of that.

Tajiri is actually popular. Coach wisely runs from Rhyno. I’ve never seen the appeal of Cade. The guy just isn’t that good and that’s all there is to it. Oh look: Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade on Pay Per View. Coach and Cade beat up Tajiri. Again, is there a reason this is happening? I mean was there NOTHING else to try?

After even more boring stuff, we get green mist from Tajiri to Cade. Apparently the referee seeing green stuff on Cade’s formerly blonde hair is perfectly fine. This is making my head hurt and I’m not even fifteen minutes into it. Cade gets gored, Coach gets kicked and I need a stiff drink.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash and it was just boring as all goodness. Tajiri was always good for some stuff, but Cade and Coach? Really? That’s the best you can come up with? This was one of the dumbest openers of all time and it’s also one of the least interesting. I mean just think about it: Tajiri and Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade and Jonathan Coachman. Think about that for a minute.

Cade missed the better part of a year with an injury before coming back in late 2005 as Trevor Murdoch’s partner. Here they are in one of their first matches together at Unforgiven 2005.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey/The Hurricane

Earlier today the southern boys say they’ve beaten the champions before and they’ll do it again. Cade and Murdoch are a brand new team, forming like ten days before this. Naturally they’re the #1 contenders. You can see a bunch of fans going to get popcorn during this one. Hurricane vs. Cade gets us going and the champs clear the ring quickly. Hurricane headscissors Murdoch to the floor as we talk about country music.

Hurricane hits a missile dropkick and it’s off to Rosey. Lawler points out the stupidity of having a place that loves country music asked to boo a pair of country boys. Cade takes over on Rosey as Murdoch goes to hit on Lillian. Well to her credit she looks great tonight. Hurricane saves her but Murdoch gets a SICK elevated DDT to the floor on storm boy.

Rosey takes over but misses a splash in the corner to put him down. We finally get a trainer down here as the match falls apart. Cade cheats some on the floor as Hurricane is carried out. Like an idiot he comes back and tags in, only to get clotheslined a few seconds later for the pin.

Rating: D. Isn’t this what Raw is for? The tag titles were far less valuable back then than they are now and the country boys would break up like a month later. This was nothing but that DDT on the floor looked great. This was probably better than most tag title matches around this time, but it was still terribly uninteresting which might as well be printed on the belts.

After some time apart, the team would reform late in 2006, including this match on Raw, October 2 of the year.

D–Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders/Viscera/Charlie Haas

This is under Texas Tornado rules. Everyone rushes the ring and are pretty easily dispatched. This is exactly what you would expect: DX dominates and barely breaks a sweat. Top rope elbow hits Charlie, Chin Music, Pedigree, done in about two and a half minutes.

From Cyber Sunday 2006 as the team gets back in the Tag Team Title hunt.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

We’ll jump ahead a good bit here to No Mercy 2007.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

This is a bonus match, Jeff is the IC Champion and the country boys are the Raw tag champions. The tag champs say they have a new partner to keep another fluke like the one on Raw from happening. Cade and Kendrick start things off and it’s quickly off to London. Murdoch comes in and gets taken apart by a double teaming from Hardy and London. Trevor runs Hardy over with a clothesline and it’s off to Kennedy with a big pop.

Kennedy misses a charge and Hardy tags in Kendrick. Cade is in as well and Murdoch low bridges Brian to the floor. Kendrick plays Ricky Morton for awhile as Kennedy chokes him in the corner. A BIG boot in the corner gets two. Cravate keeps Kendrick down and he still can’t make a tag. Back to Cade who loads up a superplex but Kendrick headbutts his way out of it and a tornado DDT puts Cade down.

Double tags bring in Jeff and Trevor and Hardy tries that sitout gordbuster of his. He drops Murdoch though and Trevor LANDS ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Swanton would get the pin but Murdoch rolls to the floor to check if he’s dead. London vs. Kennedy now and Kennedy is put down with a spinwheel kick. Hardy misses whatever he was going for as Kendrick and Murdoch fall to the floor. Kennedy gets London on top and the rolling fireman’s carry slam off the middle rope gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Considering Murdoch is still alive, this at least ends on a positive note. The ending was cool too and with this being a bonus match, there’s only so much criticism I can give this match. It did its job, although I kind of wonder what the ads for this show were like given that there was a big ten minute hole in it and they already had a 15 minute talking segment to open things up.

The follow up on Raw, October 22, 2007.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Mickie James vs. Melina/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are Raw Tag Team Champions here. London and Cade get things going here with Cade throwing him off a headlock. Cade jumps over him in the corner but gets taken down with a quick armdrag. Off to Brian for two off a sunset flip as the small guys take turns working on the arm. Even Mickie tries to come in with a shot of her own but it’s quickly off to Melina.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Murdoch vs. Kendrick with the country boy grabbing a neckbreaker for two. Kendrick nails a quick kick to the face and tags London to speed things back up. A spinwheel kick gets two as Cade makes a save. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake, allowing London to hit the standing shooting star for the pin.

Rating: D+. Quick match here with the girls mixed in to prevent the champs from getting pinned clean. That’s an idea that we haven’t seen in awhile and could stand to make a comeback. There wasn’t time to see do anything here, but combining a pair of feuds into a single match is an easy idea to use.

Here’s a quick match from Heat on June 1, 2008.

Jeff McCallister vs. Lance Cade

Cade and Murdoch have recently split up and Murdoch became a country singer for like a day. He hammers on Jeff to start and walks around, yelling at the crowd. A big legdrop has Jeff in even more trouble and a Rock Bottom into a sitout spinebuster is enough for the easy pin.

Somehow, for reasons I’ll never understand, this got Cade a main event slot in the Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels feud as Jericho’s protege. Here he is on Raw, September 22, 2008.

Shawn Michaels/Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Chris Jericho/Lance Cade

Jericho’s idea was to make it 3-2 and I guess it worked. Shawn and Cade start things off with Shawn destroying him. Cade reverses a whip and JBL adds a right hand to really give Lance an opening. Off to Jericho for a chinlock and an enziguri puts Shawn down. Off to JBL who hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Back to Cade for more of a beating in the corner. Jericho chokes away as this has been one sided for the most part. Bradshaw comes in and they slug it out but JBL kicks him in the face to put him right back down.

It’s JBL vs. Batista at No Mercy if that clears anything up. Shawn jumps into the fallaway slam but he counters into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Batista who cleans house. Spinebuster to Jericho and a powerslam sets up the Shawn elbow. Superkick is countered into a Walls attempt but Shawn rolls him up for two. Everything breaks down and Batista spears JBL outside. Lionsault misses and it’s off to Cade. Forearm puts him down but Jericho’s distraction lets him hit a sitout Rock Bottom to Shawn for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that felt like it belonged at a house show. It wasn’t bad or anything but it just wasn’t interesting. There wasn’t much focus on the JBL vs. Batista match at all and Batista was only in the match for about a minute or so. Not bad, but just kind of there.

We’ll wrap it there as Cade would be released just a few months later. Unfortunately he would be released due to a seizure brought on by an overdose of pills. He died in 2010 due to an overdose of drugs. Cade may not have been a star, but he was showing potential when he got his big run in 2008, even beating Shawn Michaels in a tag match. The name would have needed to be changed, but there was some talent there. He was a good tag guy and at 29, should have had more than enough time to get a singles run going.

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