Next up a cult favorite: Shark Boy.

Shark Boy got his start in early 1997, wrestling primarily in HWA out of Cincinnati and OVW out of Louisville. We’ll look at him on WCW Saturday Night on February 12, 2000.

Shark Boy vs. Norman Smiley

Heenan: “Have you seen Shark Boy with anyone today?” Scott Hudson: “No I haven’t.” Heenan: “So he’s a lone shark.” Smiley shoves him down and dances to start and nails a shoulder block, earning him a bit on the pants. He bails to the floor and gets nailed with a plancha, only to take him back in for a spinning slam.

It’s not time for the Big Wiggle yet as Bobby is talking about taxidermy. A sunset flip is countered but the Big Wiggle lets Sharky nail a bulldog for no cover. We hit a reverse chinlock on Smiley as things slow down. A bad looking dropkick puts Smiley down for two but Shark Boy charges into an elbow in the corner, setting up the Norman’s Conquest (cross face chicken wing) for the submission.

Rating: C-. Not a bad little match here with Shark Boy getting in some offense and showing off a bit, but still being a total gimmick instead of anything polished. Then again this is far bigger than wrestling in OVW or HWA for him so getting to show off a bit is the best thing that could happen to his career.

Speaking of HWA, we’ll look at Shark Boy at the third annual Brian Pillman Memorial Show, promoted by HWA.

HWA Cruiserweight Title: Shark Boy vs. Jamie-San

HWA is the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which served as a developmental territory for both WCW and the WWF over the years. Shark Boy is defending and Jamie-San is Jamie Noble. The footage is pretty low quality and there’s no commentary here at all. ECW/WCW goon Tony Marinara is with Jamie here for some reason. They trade wristlocks to start and Shark Boy gets two off an O’Connor Roll, giving us a stalemate. Time for some technical stuff with a nice little chain wrestling sequence leading to stalemate the sequel.

Back up and Sharky armdrags him down and Jamie bails to the floor. Jamie gets back in, only to be bitten on the trousers. Marinara gets the same and it’s back to the floor for healing. Shark Boy breaks up their meeting with a nice dive but Jamie pulls him off the apron and sends him into the barricade. Jamie is supposed to be Japanese but he sounds like a hayseed whenever he talks trash, killing the idea dead. Sharky takes a running clothesline in the corner but comes out with a spinning sunset flip for two.

Jamie kind of misses a middle rope dropkick for two and we hit the chinlock. Really basic stuff so far but it’s not bad. It’s strange to see Shark Boy as just a guy (who happens to think he’s a shark) instead of a cult favorite. The hold stays on for a good while, which is a pretty big waste of Jamie’s talents in the time they have. The fans are WAY into Shark Boy here so maybe the cult favorite aspect is still around.

The champion finally comes back by sending Jamie into the corner and puts him down with a facebuster. There are ten punches in the corner and a middle rope hurricanrana gets two for the champion. The Dead Sea Drop (more commonly called Diamond Dust, flipping Stunner off the middle rope) is countered into a reverse layout DDT (Christian uses it a lot) for two. Jamie misses a top rope headbutt so Sharky grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the corner, putting him in perfect position for the Dead Sea Drop and the pin to retain.

Rating: C. This was fine. The matches tonight are going to depend on who is in the ring as I’ll be harsher on indy guys than I will be on big time talent. It’s nice to see indy guys who have talent out there like Shark Boy as some matches from this level can be DREADFUL, which I’m sure we’ll hit at some point tonight. This was a nice little match though and both guys looked solid in the ring.

Off to the WWA for the Revolution PPV.

Nova vs. AJ Styles vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Shark Boy vs. Low Ki

Elimination rules here and no one gets an entrance. It’s probably a good thing that they have to tag here. Styles vs. Mamaluke to start and they trade arm control. The camera keeps changing angles and it’s getting annoying. Mamaluke is bleeding from the nose as he hits a German to send AJ down onto his shoulder. Shark Boy comes in to fight Tony and gets clotheslined down.

Nova is standing on the floor, drinking water. Shark Boy hits an atomic drop and bites the place where his knee went. Off to Low Ki who gets atomic dropped as well, but comes back with a kick to Shark Boy’s head before he gets bitten. Daniels vs. Low Ki now and you know the strikes are coming here. A Capo Kick staggers Daniels and Nova gets tagged so hard that he spills his drink.

Apparently Nova is a businessman now. I’ve never seen a businessman in workout pants and no shirt but whatever. He works on Daniels’ arm a bit before it’s back to Low Ki. A double gordbuster puts Daniels down and it’s off to Mamaluke. There are the kicks from Low Ki and a double suplex by Ki and Sharky, but there was no tag so Shark Boy’s cover gets no count.

Things start to break down a bit as Sharky Boy and Mamaluke go to the floor for some dives. They wind up in the crowd (which is carpeted) as AJ pounds on Nova in the ring. Nova hooks a modified Crossface which goes nowhere because they’re not legal. Shark Boy hits a top rope rana on Mamaluke for two, even though the referee’s hand hit the mat three times. Low Ki comes in and hits a cartwheel kick on the distracted Shark Boy for the first elimination.

Off to AJ vs. Low Ki as the camera angles start to show a few details about the “arena”. There’s no ramp that I can see, and all of the seats are opposite the screen. I believe they’re in a theater, which is a really weird visual and atmosphere. Low Ki hits a HARD kick to the head (I’m shocked) but AJ comes back with forearms to the head. Both guys hit cross bodies so it’s off to Mamaluke vs. Daniels.

An STO kills Mamaluke who is a bloody mess. Daniels loads up the BME (I think) but Styles breaks it up for no apparent reason. AJ gets knocked down (I think. The camera direction here is a nightmare) so Mamaluke hits a belly to back off the top for two. Daniels hits the Angel’s Wings for no cover, instead tagging in Styles for the Clash to get us down to four people.

Nova comes in with a backbreaker on Styles for two before it’s back to Daniels vs. Styles. Even before TNA existed this was happening a lot. Styles tags in Low Ki who strikes away even harder on Daniels. Low Ki charges into a spinning electric chair of all things and a top rope elbow from Nova gets two on the kicking dude. Nova goes up and gets crotched, but as Low Ki goes up, he gets elbowed down into the Tree of Woe. Low Ki sits up and pulls Nova down into a rear naked choke while they’re both upside down.

Daniels comes in and is immediately thrown out, followed by everyone going to the floor. Daniels dives onto Low Ki so Styles hits a Shooting Star Press to the floor. This camera work is REALLY annoying as it either keeps cutting away or it has awkward shots of everything. Back in the ring, Low Ki loads up a rana on Nova, but Daniels runs the corner and hits a top rope Rock Bottom on Low Ki for the elimination.

Nova dropkicks Daniels to the floor so it’s Styles vs. Nova legally I guess. AJ is busted too. Everyone is in now and Daniels kicks Nova down and AJ gets two off a neckbreaker to Christopher. Daniels takes AJ down and hits the BME for two. There’s a dragon sleeper to AJ but Nova hooks a standing Last Chancery on Daniels at the same time. Nova grabs Daniels from behind but Styles sunset flips Nova, sending Daniels flying in the suplex.

AJ shoves Nova off the top and counters Daniels’ rana into a middle rope Styles Clash to get us down to one on one. A pair of rollups get two for Nova, as does a Downward Spiral. AJ gets two of his own off a German and Tessmacher’s current finisher (Tesshocker if you’re a big wrestling geek like me). They both go up with Nova hitting a C4 off the top (flipping Downward Spiral) for the final pin. Not much build to that.

Rating: B. Take six young and small guys, throw them in one match, let them have fun. AJ and Low Ki looked like the stars here, which they would be for all intents and purposes. Nova was already a name, Mamaluke never went anywhere, Shark Boy would become a cult favorite, and Daniels would become a decent sized star of his own right. Still though, fun match and AJ looked good in it, which shouldn’t shock anyone.

Shark Boy would wrestle in a dark match before Smackdown on March 11, 2003.

Kanyon vs. Shark Boy

The masked man gets run over to start but he comes back with right hands in the corner. Some dropkicks put Kanyon down and he’s already getting frustrated. The fans are already into Shark Boy and headbutts Kanyon down for two. Kanyon’s chick Jackie Gayda trips him up and Kanyon hits what would become an AA for two of his own. A baseball slide drives Sharky’s ribs into the post and a Russian legsweep rollup gets two.

We hit the chinlock from Kanyon before he misses a moonsault. Shark Boy hits a nice missile dropkick for a close two as the fans are WAY into him. A springboard bulldog gets the same but Kanyon nails a Razor’s Edge into a Dominator to take over. Kanyon takes him to the top but gets caught in the Dead Sea Drop for two with Jackie putting Kanyon’s foot on the ropes. A lifting Downward Spiral finally puts Sharky away.

Shark Boy wrestled on the first episode of Impact on June 4, 2004.

Shark Boy vs. Abyss

Sharky goes after Abyss and bites his way out of a chokeslam. A high cross body is caught in an easy slam before the Black Hole Slam ends this quick. Total squash for Abyss.

On to some happier times at No Surrender 2005.

Shark Boy vs. Mikey Batts vs. Elix Skipper vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner qualifies for the Super X Cup which is, say it with me, A TOURNAMENT!!! The winner of the whole thing got a title shot at Daniels and the X Title. Elix and Sonjay start because you don’t tag. Dutt does a big revolving spin move into an armdrag. Spinebuster puts Dutt down and it’s off to Mikey who isn’t very popular. Shark Boy comes in but this is before he was a really popular crowd favorite.

He’s better than he’s given credit for too but with a gimmick/name like Shark Boy, how serious can anyone take him? Also the whole biting thing isn’t helping him. Sonjay beats him down a bit and Skipper tags himself in as Dutt is going for something off the top. Sharky hits a modified neckbreaker on Skipper for two. Skipper uses the Matrix move to avoid a cross body but Sonjay comes off the top via a springboard into a double stomp.

Dutt takes down Mikey with a springboard missile dropkick and Skipper gets two with a weird kind of reverse headlock takeover. He tries to walk the ropes (think Old School) into a rana on a crotched Batts but it’s mostly botched. I can live with that as it’s not like it’s a simple move. They’re both legal and a collision puts them both down.

There’s a double tag and Dutt takes over on Shark Boy again. The masked one really doesn’t have that much success does he? They start the dives but most of them are countered. Sudden Death (Celtic Cross. Finlay used to use it) takes Batts down and Sonjay goes up to hit a Hindu Press (big flippy move into a splash that hits about 10% of the target) to Batts to go to the tournament.

Rating: C-. Eh this was fine but the botches hurt it. It never really got going and came off as just more X Division stuff. Dutt would get crushed by Joe in the first round of the tournament which he would go on to win at the next PPV. This was fine but the division was about to be revolutionized by Joe, AJ and Daniels so this is kind of the last of the old days of it.

Well we’re getting closer. Let’s try Slammiversary 2006.

Senshi vs. Shark Boy vs. Alex Shelley vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal

Elimination rules and the winner gets a title match this week on Impact. In what is probably a good thing, people have to tag here so there are only two people in the ring at once. Shark Boy and Petey get us going with Sharky grabbing the arm to start. Petey escapes and tries the Tree of Woe O Canada deal but Shark Boy bites his way out of it. They head out to the floor where nothing happens so Shark Boy tags in Lethal. This is before he’s Black Machismo so he’s just a 20 year old guy who is talented.

Jay works on the back and things speed up a bit. Petey hits a knee to the ribs and dropkicks the knee out. Off to Senshi who chops away, only to get chopped right back. A dropkick gets one for Lethal. Senshi comes back with the kicks before tagging in Shelley to a good reaction. He hooks a necktie choke and bends Lethal over the his knees. Lethal backflips out of it but Shelley backflips out of that and hits a kind of Backstabber to put Jay back down.

Jay gets in a low dropkick and it’s off to Dutt to start the flips. A standing swanton followed by a standing moonsault gets two. Dutt goes up top, only to get crotched by Shelley, who follows that up by dragging the crotch along the top rope for some rope burns. Alex stays on Dutt but taunts Sharky. This draws everyone in and it’s a triple suplex in a fairly cool looking spot. We get down to Dutt vs. Shark Boy with the masked man hitting a slingshot splash for two.

The Dead Sea drop is countered so he hits a regular neckbreaker instead. Shark Boy tries a top rope elbow but crashes, allowing Dutt to hit a standing shooting star to eliminate Shark Boy. Shelley vs. Dutt now and it’s a loud enziguri to Dutt. Dutt no sells that and hits a neckbreaker to put Shelley down. Dutt goes up but gets launched onto the middle rope, where Lethal tags himself in.

Lethal comes in with a springboard dropkick to Alex but Shelley comes back very quickly. A brainbuster looks to set up a swanton bomb but Jay avoids it and eliminates Shelley with a dragon suplex. Everyone comes in now and Senshi is sent to the floor. Petey hits a slingshot rana to the outside so Lethal dives onto the Canadian. Dutt hits a huge moonsault press onto all three to put all four down.

It’s Lethal vs. Petey in the ring with Jay kicking Petey’s head off. Petey shrugs that off and kills Lethal with the Destroyer to get us down to three. Dutt comes back in as it’s him, Senshi and Petey to go. Senshi and Williams team up on Dutt for a bit but Williams accidentally drills the bald guy in the face. An enziguri gets two for Dutt on Williams as Petey is in trouble. Senshi comes in and clotheslines Williams down because he’s not a nice guy.

Senshi goes up but Petey stops him, starting a fight on the top. Williams tries the Destroyer off the top but Senshi hangs on. Dutt takes Williams down and the Warrior’s Way gets us down to Senshi vs. Dutt. Both guys go up again and Dutt hits a rana to take Senshi down. A low dropkick gets two as does a floatover DDT. Senshi takes him down and hits a standing Warrior’s Way (double stomp) for two. Dutt trips him down and goes up top but his 450 hits knees. A HUGE running dropkick puts Dutt down and Senshi puts him in the Tree of Woe. The Warrior’s Way from that position is more than enough for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was your usual mindless X-Division match and that’s fine. This ate up almost half an hour and it was certainly entertaining. Senshi was the new hot thing in the division so putting him over like this was certainly the right idea. There isn’t much to say here as this was exactly what you would expect from this kind of a match, but it was pretty good.

Here’s an X-Division Title shot at Lockdown 2007.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Then Shark Boy teamed up with Curry Man to fight Team 3D. Fish were involved. From Destination X 2008.

Fish Market Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Shark Boy/Curry Man

West and Curry Man dance before this starts. This was when Shark Boy was a parody of Stone Cold, drinking clam juice, talking about how that’s the fishing line, giving him a shell yeah and having Austinesque theme music. It was awful in case you couldn’t get that. Bubba yells a lot and D-Von weighs in at….some undisclosed weight under 275lbs. Bubba allegedly makes it too, thereby ending this idiotic angle.

And now Devine, the X-Division traitor, hands them candy and they eat but get jumped. This is a glorified hardcore match but with “comedy” added to it. The Dudleys get run off early on and try to leave. I don’t like where this is going. There are big crated of frozen fish around the aisle. See what I’m dealing with here? Yes, they’re beating each other with frozen fish. Mike gets the HOLY MACKERAL line in.

Curry Man puts a Ding Dong on a fishing pole and goes Ray hunting. Oh of course it works. This is making my soul ache. Honestly, who thought this was a marketable idea? Who thought someone would want to see this? Ray throws fish into the crowd and the announcers say this was expected. Uh, why? Ray bites a fish as I would be so embarrassed if someone knew I was watching this.

We get some actual wrestling just so we can be told there was wrestling in this. What’s Up on Curry Man with a fish. It’s returned by Shark Boy and this is awful. Oh but hey, according to Meltzer, the triple threat at Survivor Series was worse. Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy. Stereo X-Factors and Tornado DDTs on the heels get two. Shark Boy kicks out of a Doomsday Device. Bubba gets blinded by powder and accidently hits 3D on D-Von to end it. The Dudleys get into it with some guy from Survivor that no one cares about.

Rating: F-. I’m not even going to bother explaining why a match involving beating on each other with fish is a failure.

This partnership was part of the Prince Justice Brotherhood, a strange stable of Curry Man, Shark Boy and Super Eric who fought for the forces of good. Here they are at No Surrender 2008.

Rock N Rave Infection/Christy Hemme vs. Prince Justice Brotherhood

The Brotherhood is Super Eric (Young in a bad superhero gimmick), Stone Cold Shark Boy and Curry Man in one of the dumbest gimmicks even by TNA standards. The Infection is a bad rock band gimmick that played Guitar Hero controllers and had the smoking hot Christy Hemme as their manager. Eric vs. Rave to start with Eric taking over.

Eric gets a plancha to the floor which gets two back in the ring. Lance Rock comes in which gets his team nowhere so it’s off to Shark Boy. Thesz Press takes down Rock again as the good guys are dominating. Shark Boy is the same Steve Austin parody that was on Impact the other night. Over to Curry Man who gets a pop for no apparent reason other than a potential lack of oxygen in the arena.

Curry Man tags in Christy and we’re in a comedy match officially. He shoves her off and then realizes where his head was so he offers to go back into it again. Funny spot. Off to Shark Boy and Rave. Back drop sends Shark Boy (I refused to refer to him as Sharky like West and Tenay keep doing) to the floor as momentum changes.

Jawbreaker almost gets Shark Boy a tag but Rock N Rave get something close to a 3D but into a knee instead of a cutter. Christy comes in and is dropped onto Shark Boy by Rock. Cold tag to Curry Man (I thought he was hot and spicy?) who gets a flying hip to Rock. He and Hemme dance a bit and she gets kissed. Rollup gets two but Rock drills Curry so that Christy can hit the Flying Firecrotch Guillotine (don’t ask) for two. Chummer (Stunner) to Christy and a double Death Valley Driver to the guys from Curry Man end this.

Rating: C+. Basic fast paced and fun match to start us off here which is often times the best idea to open a show. Christy was the only good thing about the Infection as she looked great as the groupie. This was just here for comedy and to warm the crowd up and it did that rather well. Good opener.

Shark Boy would leave TNA for a few years but returned to wrestle on Xplosion, December 24, 2010.

Shark Boy vs. Robbie E.

Shark Boy takes over to start but goes outside to yell at Robbie’s girl Cookie. The distraction lets Robbie get in some cheap shots from behind and takes over inside. We take a break and come back with Robbie nailing a running clothesline in the corner. We hit the chinlock for a long time before Shark Boy fights up for a double clothesline. A facebuster and more clotheslines put Robbie down and Sharky bites his trunks. Robbie sells it like only he can but comes back with a quick neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. Dull stuff for the most part here but it’s just the Xplosion show. There wasn’t much to the match but did you really expect anything else? Shark Boy is a guy that is going to get a reaction and can make Robbie look good in one of E.’s first matches with the company. At least the fans cared for a bit.

Shark Boy would be in a surprise match at Destination X 2011.

Generation Me vs. Eric Young/Shark Boy

This is a bonus match. I can never remember which Buck is which. Eric and Shark Boy tag about five times before the match starts. Ok so Jeremy is the blonde. Got it. Sharky stomps a mudhole in him early and hammers away in the corner. There’s the Thesz Press and an elbow. Eric comes in and beats on both guys a bit. Off to Sharky who bites Max. Yep it’s a comedy match.

Jeremy throws on a chinlock as Sharky is still ridiculously over. Clothesline misses and Shark Boy gets a shot to the back of the head to put both guys down. Young pulls his tights down to shift to trunks and gets the hot tag. Gen Me takes over again and a bulldog gets two on Young. Stunner by Shark Boy sets up a wheelbarrow suplex into a reverse neckbreaker by Young for the pin on Max. Think Lethal’s Lethal Injection but with a wheelbarrow suplex.

Rating: C-. Just a comedy tag match to fill in some time. I still hate what they’re doing with the midcard title as it’s being used as a comedy prop like Santino did to the IC Title a few years ago. Not bad here but it’s really just a filler match and nothing all that great. Shark Boy’s popularity is still strong though.

TNA brought Shark Boy back at Hardcore Justice 2 because he’s hardcore or something.

Hardcore Gauntlet Battle Royal

Everyone gets to bring a weapon with them and it’s a new entrant every two minutes. Usually in TNA gauntlet matches it’s over the top rope eliminations until the final two when it’s pin/submission but there’s no mention of the rules changing for the final two here. We start with Devon Storm who brings a golf club and Little Guido who brings in a dust bin. They fight over the golf club until Storm suplexes Guido down to take over.

Some golf club shots to the back have Guido in trouble but he comes back with a basement dropkick to take over. Guido puts on a Crossface with the club used to choke Storm until Crimson with his umbrella is #3 (out of nine). Crimson cleans house with the umbrella and a big book to Guido. Storm gets double teamed for a bit until Sam Shaw is #4 with a cane. Shaw spins out of a backdrop from Crimson before taking him down with a dropkick. There’s nothing of note going on at all here.

Johnny Swinger is #5 with a crutch but he’s gone in about 40 seconds at Guido’s hands. Crimson hits Guido with the umbrella and leaves some impressive marks on his back as a result. Funaki of all people is #6 with a guardrail. We get the Terry Funk/Sandman/Tommy Dreamer spinning metal object spot from Funaki and the rail until Funaki superkicks Guido out. Gunner is #7 with a nightstick and the fans chant welcome back, showing the issues with a taped PPV.

Gunner tosses Storm out and hits Shaw in the face with a golf club. It’s 2 Cold Scorpio at #8 with a broom to pop the crowd a bit. Shaw trades forearms with Scorpio but gets monkey flipped out. JB: “Unbelievable!” No, not really. Shark Boy is #9 with a bag ala Jake Roberts. It’s Crimson/Gunner vs. Scorpio/Funaki/Sharky with Scorpio hitting a sunset bomb on Gunner to put him down. A middle rope Harlem Hangover hits Crimson and Funaki goes up as well, only to be tossed by Scorpio and Sharky.

Crimson clotheslines Scorpio out and hit a double chokeslam on Sharky. They start throwing weapons out but they’re afraid of the bag. Both of them look in the bag and freak out, allowing Shark Boy to hit Chummers (Stunner) to both guys. Shark Boy pulls…..a fish out of the bag. The fish “bites” Gunner and a fish shot eliminates Crimson. Sharky backdrops Gunner out for the win.

Rating: D-. Not only was the match boring, but it’s a match that would have fit in the stupid comedy era of the WWF hardcore division. The weapons were all stupid and the fish at the end made it even worse. The “comedy” here was in the vein of beat people over the head and yell IT’S COMEDY in their face, which is my least favorite kind.

And again at Turning Point 2013.

Ethan Carter III vs. Shark Boy

Shark Boy had announced he was coming back tonight on Impact365 earlier this week. Carter bails to the floor for a chase but still avoids an elbow as they get back inside. The Chummer is countered with ease and the One Percenter is good for the pin at 2:06.

One more surprise at Impact, October 1, 2014.

Manik vs. Shark Boy

Seriously. Shark Boy hammers away to start and sends Manik out to the floor with a shot to the face. Some clotheslines do the same and a backdrop sends Manik flying. Back in and Manik grabs some suplexes for two and a knee drop gets the same. A Frog Splash is enough to pin Shark Boy at 3:10.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but it’s good to see Manik look good in his first match under the new gimmick. Storm has something going for him with this idea but I have a bad feeling a lot of his heat is going away for the sake of putting Great Muta over at Bound For Glory. Shark Boy looked WAY out of shape.

Shark Boys is the epitome of a joke character that the fans got behind. There’s nothing wrong with being that guy and he got to have some fun at times. The Stone Cold stuff made me roll my eyes up to start but eventually I just thought “why not”. He’s a fun character and nothing meant to be taken seriously, which is perfectly fine.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Why do we always miss this?It’s fall again and, just like every year, WWE is getting dull.  As usual, fans are annoyed that the product sucks, even though they sit through this EVERY SINGLE YEAR.  Think about it: every year the last few months are always a letdown and every single year the fans act surprised by it.  Why would you expect it to be different?  There has to be a down time in there somewhere, if nothing else just due to people running out of gas and needing to recharge a bit.

 

Every year it’s the same thing and every year it’s the same response.  It really should be expected by now.

Smackdown
Date: October 3, 2014
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Todd Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield

The Ambrose/Cena vs. Authority feud is picking up steam and that’s a good thing so far. It looks like they’re also setting up Ambrose vs. Cena which should be a solid match if they don’t have Cena beat him and call it a rub. Hopefully they keep up the trend of not having a ton of recaps tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Ambrose giving away shirts and sliming Rollins.

Here’s a fired up Cena with something to say. He talks about how different people refer to Milwaukee in different ways but Cena sees it as the place that is ready for Smackdown. This brings him to Ambrose who wants to beat up Rollins just like he does. He talks about the loss at Summerslam and having the worst beating of his life. Everyone from Michael Cole to his family wanted him to hang it up but he had to fight Lesnar one more time.

He got that chance at Night of Champions but Seth Rollins had to take his chance to become the future of the WWE. Well if that’s what Seth wants, he can do it tonight right here in the ring. Cena doesn’t want the briefcase or the contract as long as he can get his hands on Rollins tonight. Instead he gets Ambrose, who says he has his own issues with the Authority and Seth Rollins, but he’s going to work those out by making Rollins pay. Cena says he doesn’t want to do this with Ambrose and Dean says that’s right.

However, Cena got in his way on Monday and that’s not cool. Cena brings up Night of Champions again but Ambrose says that was one night while he almost lost his entire career. John says there’s no reason for them to keep going after each other when they both want the same things. He offers a truce and says whoever gets to Rollins first gets to him first.

Dean isn’t sure about shaking hands when the Authority pops up on screen. Orton talks about how the two of them deserve each other and brings up what Ambrose used to say about Cena when he was in the Shield. Apparently Cena is full of himself and can’t wrestle his way out of a box of cereal. Cena on the other hand said Ambrose is only getting over by pretending to be crazy. Kane thinks it doesn’t matter though because it’s going to be Cena and Ambrose vs. Orton and himself tonight. So glad I watched that Raw main event this week.

Sheamus/Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

Sheamus takes Miz into the corner to start but misses a big right hand. Cole keeps talking about Mizdow vs. Sheamus from last night as Sheamus slams Damien for two. Sheamus sends him out to the apron and takes out Miz before hitting a few forearms to the stunt double. That’s fine with Sheamus as he dives off the top with a double clothesline.

We take a break and come back with Miz hitting a Reality Check for two on Sheamus before tagging Mizdow. Damien stomps away for two of his own and it’s very quickly back to Miz. Sheamus plows him down with a clothesline and makes the hot tag to Ziggler to clean house. The running DDT gets two on Mizdown and a dropkick gets the same. Sheamus and Miz fight on the floor until Miz nails him in the ribs with a chair. Not that it matters as the Zig Zag is good for the pin on Damien at 8:28.

Rating: D. This really didn’t do anything for me as it was the champions dominating for most of the match, shrugging off all of the heels’ offense and then beating Mizdow with ease. The problem with an act like Miz and Mizdow is there’s nothing to fear. Miz’s big move is the Figure Four which has won him one match in over a year and that was in NXT. Sandow….has he ever won anything with that full nelson slam? Why would two World Champions be afraid of that?

Sheamus swings the chair at Miz post match but has to lay out Sandow instead.

Luke Harper video from Raw.

Long recap of Henry/Big Show/Rusev including the Russian flag being ripped down. WWE already officially apologized because Heaven forbid anyone ever get even slightly offended by anything. They had to know this sort of reaction was coming. Either do the angle and don’t apologize or don’t do it at all. It makes WWE look like a five year old admitting to stealing cookies.

Paige vs. Naomi

Paige quickly takes her down into a chinlock before cranking on both arms at the same time. Back up and Naomi snaps off a headscissors to send Paige to the apron. Alicia Fox tries to help Paige to the floor but Naomi dives onto the new best friend. It goes badly for her though as Paige kicks Naomi in the head and hooks the PTO for the submission at 1:43.

Post match AJ hits the ring and beats up Fox as Paige bails to hide behind JBL. Putting his hat on doesn’t really work for her.

Here’s Big Show in a suit to address the flag deal on Raw. He talks about holding himself accountable for his actions and officially apologizes to the Russian people for what happened. The fans aren’t pleased but here are Rusev and Lana to interrupt. Lana says WWE and Big Show apologizing doesn’t appease them because they want a personal apology.

Big Show reiterates his apology to the Russian people but not to Lana and Rusev. We get more English from Rusev who accuses Big Show of wiping his nose on the flag. He nails Rusev with the flag and drops him with the jumping superkick. Show gets up and the Russians bail. This segment made me feel better about this as it feels like the apology was intended to be a plot point and not WWE cowering away from any criticism.

Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil vs. Usos

Hornswoggle Gator is at ringside. Jey takes Slater into the corner to start but misses a charge and gets kicked in the face. Cue the Bunny to hop over Hornswoggle and send him face first into the post. The distraction lets the Usos hit stereo superkicks and a triple splash (the Bunny dives on Horny) is enough for the pin at 1:45. This is setting up Horny vs. the Bunny isn’t it?

WWE still hates breast cancer.

Ambrose talks about how he embarrassed Rollins on Monday and that’s a lot worse than a beating. He’ll go through everyone from Kane to Orton to the Gator to the Bunny to get his hands on Seth Rollins.

Cesaro vs. R-Truth

This is due to Cesaro making jokes about Ziggler earlier tonight and Truth calling him an unfunny nincompoop. Before the match Truth makes sure he has the town right and Cole thankfully explains the joke. That’s not sarcasm for once as that line wouldn’t might not have made sense to a lot of fans. Cesaro hammers Truth down with European uppercuts and a gutwrench suplex. Truth’s comeback goes as well as you would expect before the Neutralizer ends him at 2:12.

The Dusts are in the back and I believe this is the same vignette from Raw. The belts are the Cosmic Key and the rest is science fiction.

Bob Uecker is here.

Hulk Hogan hates breast cancer.

Kane/Randy Orton vs. John Cena/Dean Ambrose

Orton and Ambrose get things going with Dean quickly taking him down for a basement clothesline and two. Off to Kane vs. Cena for the power showdown and our resident hero takes over with right hands. Dean comes back in for the running dropkick against the ropes before clotheslining Orton down as well. An STF attempt from Cena doesn’t work but a belly to belly gets two on Randy. Ambrose dives on both Authority members and we take a break.

Back with Kane nailing a big boot for two on Ambrose and bringing Randy in again. Randy stomps away and sends Ambrose outside before whipping him into the steps. They head back inside and Dean nails a middle rope dropkick to put both guys down. Kane breaks up a hot tag and we hit the chinlock.

Dean quickly fights up by biting the hand before getting punched into the Rebound Clothesline. As he’s inches away from the hot tag, Rollins comes down the aisle and Cena drops down to go after him. Ambrose is left alone and gets caught in the Elevated DDT for two. Dirty Deeds is broken up and Kane kicks Dean’s head off. The double teaming is enough for a lame DQ at 13:13.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t terrible but man alive is it going to kill the Authority to have Kane lose a fall? Just mixing up how they get disqualified isn’t enough to make things interesting. Ambrose and Cena fighting should get interesting, but I hope Dean doesn’t start yelling about Cena leaving him in a handicap match like Nikki Bella has been doing.

Ambrose gets beaten down even more until Cena finally makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This was one of the most worthless shows I can remember in a long time. There were five matches, three of which combined to be less than six minutes long. Other than that there was a segment to build up to Big Show losing another big match and the same main event we saw on Raw. This was a worthless two hours of TV with some dull matches wrapped around three matches that didn’t go long enough to rate. Nothing to see here.

Results

Sheamus/Dolph Ziggler b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Zig Zag to Mizdow

Paige b. Naomi – PTO

Usos b. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil – Double Superfly Splash

Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

John Cena/Dean Ambrose b. Kane/Randy Orton via DQ when Orton and Kane double teamed Ambrose

NXT
Date: October 2, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Alex Riley, Jason Albert

Tonight we move one major step closer to Sami Zayn vs. Adrian Neville in the showdown for the NXT Title as Tyson Kidd has his FINAL title shot. Other than that we also have a rematch from Takeover as Bayley gets a Women’s Title shot at Charlotte, who seems to have turned face after their first match. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Takeover II and last week to set up both of tonight’s title matches.

Opening sequence.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Bayley

Feeling out process to start with the champ shoving Bayley down, only to have Bayley come out of the corner with an armdrag to send Charlotte out to the floor. Back in and Charlotte cranks on the leg as we get a LET’S GO BAYLEY/CENA SUCKS chant. Some backslides and rollups get two for Charlotte but she fights out of another backslide attempt and goes after Bayley’s ankle. The champ CRANKS on the leg and Bayley is in trouble as we go to a break.

Back with Charlotte still cranking on the leg in the corner before putting on the same leg hold. Charlotte tries to cannonball down onto the leg and gets rolled up for two. Bayley starts firing back but gets kicked in the leg to put her right back down. The leg is wrapped around the post and we hit the Figure Four with Charlotte bridging up ala Bray Wyatt’s spider walk for more pressure.

Bayley turns it over but Charlotte is right next to the ropes. Back up and Charlotte misses a knee drop and a charge into the corner and a middle rope back elbow gets two. Charlotte reverses a suplex into a neckbreaker and a bad looking Natural Selection (Charlotte shoved Bayley’s back to put her into the mat) retains the title at 11:38.

Rating: C+. I was getting into the story here of Bayley being in over her head with the wrestling skills but being able to get close by making Charlotte miss or trying a quick rollup. More importantly, the announcers SOLD THAT IDEA. They spent the entire match talking about the different styles and made me think Bayley could steal a quick win. Good stuff here.

Charlotte hugs Bayley post match.

Hideo Itami vs. Viktor

Ascension double teams Hideo down as the announcers mention that he has no friends in NXT. They destroy him with ease until referees come out to break it up. No match.

Earlier this week, Enzo and Big Cass trained Carmella at the Performance Center. Enzo puts her hand on his arm in a lockup. Carmella: “Sawft!” They do some basic stuff until Carmella dropkicks him out of the ring. He tells Cass not to post the video.

Baron Corbin vs. Troy McClain

A big elbow drops Troy, a clothesline stuns him in the corner and the End of Days gives Baron the pin at 53 seconds.

Kidd says he only needs one last chance and he’ll become NXT Champion. He walks away when asked about Natalya getting him the shot.

The Legionnaires want a rematch with Enzo and Cass next week.

Vaudevillains vs. Tye Dillinger/Jason Jordan

Aiden and Jason get things going with English being thrown into the corner. He takes a little bow but Jordan makes his chest dance in return. Off to Gotch vs. Dillinger with the pretty boys taking over in the corner. Back to English for a swinging neckbreaker for two on Jordan but Dillinger quickly comes in for some knees to the face. Fans: “YOU’RE NOT MANLY!” A rollup gets two for Aiden but the kickout sends him into the corner for a tag off to Gotch. We go old school with airplane spins to both pretty boys, setting up That’s A Wrap for the pin on Dillinger at 4:10.

Rating: C. The fans have basically turned the Vaudevillains face with the chants and calling things manly. They’re perfect challengers for Lucha Dragons and the match should go well enough. I’m surprised at how far the pretty boys have fallen as they looked like the next thing in the tag division. That’s probably better for everyone involved though.

Titus O’Neil is in the front row for the main event.

Itami is getting checked in the back (and speaking pretty clear English) when Funaki comes in to say he’ll have Itami’s back against Ascension.

Bayley says she isn’t done because there are girls that look up to her. Sasha Banks jumps her and says she’ll get the next shot at Charlotte.

NXT Title: Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd

Adrian is defending and this is Kidd’s last chance. The champ takes Tyson down by the arm to start and we can see the lights reflecting off Titus’ head. Back up and they slug it out with Kidd ripping the skin off with a chop in the corner. Neville backdrops him to the mat and a hard kick to the back gets two. He bails out to the floor for a breather, only to get kicked in the face from the apron as we take a break.

Back with Neville cranking on an armbar but getting choked on the ropes. Off to a figure four neck lock on the champion and the fans want him to tap. Neville turns around in the hold and lifts Tyson up for a powerbomb to escape. A series of kicks have Kidd in trouble but he nails a running big boot for two. Kidd nails another running kick before flipping Neville over with a snapmare and turning underneath him to make it a neckbreaker. Tyson goes up but gets kicked in the head, setting up a sitout powerbomb (“BETTER THAN BATISTA”) for two.

Neville bails out of a Shooting Star and tries a dropkick but gets caught in the Sharpshooter. He makes a rope though and heads to the apron to kick Kidd in the head. For some reason Adrian heads outside though and Titus gets in a cheap shot. Sami Zayn runs out and kicks Titus in the head as Neville dives back in at nine. Kidd loads up a superplex but gets kicked down, setting up the Red Arrow to retain at 13:07.

Rating: B-. Another good match between these two and the build to Zayn vs. Neville continues. Neville is still mostly good at this point but the big heel turn is probably looming. I’m not sure where Titus is going to fit in but I don’t think he’s going to be much more than a short term foil for someone.

Zayn salutes Adrian and says he’s coming for the title.

Kidd looks devastated and the announcer emphasizes that he’s out of chances to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was back to the standard for NXT, meaning it’s the best wrestling show on TV again. They had story development for some angles and set up stuff for the future while having some good action at the same time. As usual, NXT is as efficient of a wrestling show as you’ll find and a huge improvement over the usual waste of time that Raw feels like anymore.

Results

Charlotte b. Bayley – Natural Selection

Baron Corbin b. Troy McClain – End of Days

Vaudevillains b. Tye Dillinger/Jason Jordan – End of Days to Dillinger

Adrian Neville b. Tyson Kidd – Red Arrow

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

At this point it’s pretty clear that Lesnar isn’t going to be defending the title at Hell in a Cell and at the end of the day, that’s probably the best thing they could do right now. Lesnar vs. Cena is a good feud but they need to give it a chance to breathe instead of just doing it over and over again to diminishing results. Instead we have Cena and Ambrose vs. the Authority which is a very nice option and far better than what we were sitting through at this point last year. Let’s get to it.

We opened with the Authority in the ring and Stephanie actually acknowledging the CM Punk chants in Chicago. They had to do something like that as the fans just want attention more than anything else. Heyman can out and had a chat with Rollins but not a lot was said. This felt like a way to distract the fans, because Heaven forbid we have a hot match to catch their attention because we need to have the twenty minute talking segment to open things up.

After all that was over, Rollins said he wanted the briefcase back because it has some personal items inside. Remember that as it’s going to be brought up later. Ambrose popped up on screen and said if Rollins wanted the briefcase, all he had to do was come and get it. This wasn’t the best opening segment in the world and it had the same problem most of them have: they spent twenty minutes to accomplish what could have been done in ten.

WWE doesn’t like breast cancer. This is the first of at least three times they would explain this.

HHH sent agents Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble to get the briefcase back. Those two as the new Patterson and Brisco is a fine idea. They wouldn’t find Ambrose until he came to the ring but apparently Jamie ate a hotdog at the concession stand. I can go with this going forward.

Ziggler retained the Intercontinental Title in a fast paced triple threat along with Cesaro and Miz. This was a good match with everyone moving around and Ziggler superkicking Cesaro to steal a pin on Miz. They can keep up the idea that Cesaro hasn’t gotten pinned clean yet and has a rematch coming to him. It’s like they’re building an actual division with progressing stories. That’s a VERY welcome change and something that could help the product quite a bit.

We get a Wyatt Family video which said Harper was free. This sounds like a way to split up the team and I’d prefer it over a fight. Bray could use some freshening up anyway.

Layla beat Rosa Mendes while Tyson Kidd messed with his phone. This is your Total Divas match and the first of three Divas matches tonight.

The big segment of the show was Ambrose coming to the ring with a bag and the briefcase. He offered to give away all the shirts because he didn’t like the prices on them. After throwing them into the crowd, the agents came in and tried to get the case back. This gave Ambrose the great line of “they’re sending the cruiserweight division after me?” Security came out (“weren’t you Rosebuds last week?”) and Ambrose left the case. Rollins opened it up and got covered with green slime. The look on Dean’s face was outstanding and sold the whole thing.

I’ve heard people calling this the segment that made Ambrose a star but that’s going a bit too far. This was very entertaining for one reason above all others: it was different. Those fourth wall jokes were funny and it made Ambrose feel like an outsider instead of the same old comedy guys. I remember JR talking about how bad comedy in wrestling can be if it’s not natural. With Dean, it felt natural and not like the script said “comedy segment here”. It’s definitely good though and the showdown in the Cell is going to be great.

Bo Dallas interrupted Mark Henry’s latest apology and beat him in about a minute. Henry destroyed Dallas in the back after a break.

Goldust and Stardust confirmed the Tag Team Titles were the Cosmic Key. Nothing else to see here.

Nikki and Brie did their usual argument and Brie had to face Cameron and Eva Marie in a handicap match. Amazingly enough, a former Divas Champion was able to beat a girl with maybe an hour combined ring time and a girl who doesn’t know how to make a proper cover. Nikki whining about having to be in a handful of handicap matches is really wearing thin and isn’t going to sell a big match between the Bellas.

Time for COMEDY with Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil beating Los Matadores. There was a bull, a gator and a Bunny involved. I can live with the Bunny because it’s showing off but the rest of the stuff was stupid. Again though, to people calling this the worst segment ever, I’d point out that the match wasn’t even three minutes long.

Rusev and Lana came out to yell at Big Show. The giant came out and ripped down the Russian flag. Naturally WWE issued an official apology about this because HEAVEN FORBID anyone get offended over something that is going to be forgotten after about thirty seconds. I’m complaining about this apology offending me. Where’s my official apology from WWE? I’m offended by how pathetic it is that people get offended by everything anymore. I WANT AN APOLOGY AND OFFICIAL STATEMENT! I MIGHT TELL PEOPLE TO PROTEST THE SHOW AND THAT MEANS THE STOCKHOLDERS MIGHT GET TICKED OFF!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!!

Yeah I think some political correctness is stupid. Why do you ask?

Cena and Ambrose had a brief staredown in the back and tension was teased. They both want to beat up Rollins though.

Alicia Fox is Paige’s new best friend and beat AJ Lee in a nothing match. It’s better than repeating the same matches over and over again.

Sheamus beat Damien Sandow in another nothing match that doesn’t seem to set up anything.

Hulk Hogan doesn’t like cancer.

Stephanie told Kane and Orton that she doesn’t care about their complaints. Tension is being teased here.

Cena and Ambrose beat Orton and Kane when Rollins interfered. There was nothing to the match and it was your standard main event tag. Rollins gave both heroes curb stomps onto the briefcase to end the show.

This show was the standard Raw Special: it would have been great if it only lasted two hours, but the extra hour drags it down. The cancer stuff is going to get old in a hurry and comes off like more of a publicity stunt than anything else. Thank goodness we have another month of WWE saying CANCER SUCKS because they might come off as pro-cancer otherwise.

The wrestling wasn’t anything special but as usual they have a lot of good stuff coming up in the future. The problem though is them screwing up all of the upcoming stuff instead of it actually paying off. Or if nothing else they might have to worry about offending someone and apologizing for logical storylines. Again, either step on some toes or be perfect schoolchildren that don’t offend anyone and listen to the complaints that come with it. Pick something and stick with it though. Not a great show this week but it had its moments.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 29, 2014
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM….sorry just getting ready for the crowd later in the show. The main story at the moment seems to be the new Super Best Friends of John Cena and Dean Ambrose facing off with the Authority as Roman Reigns is out injured. There’s no sign of Brock Lesnar and it doesn’t look like he’s going to be at Hell in a Cell. That opens up some doors for interesting pay per view matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Authority vs. Cena and Ambrose last week.

Here are Stephanie and HHH as the announcers hype up the annual pink theme for breast cancer. The fans chant for CM Punk and Stephanie asks why the fans chant for quitters. It’s because they’re quitters themselves and would love to just quit their jobs when things get serious. Stephanie quickly switches over to Ambrose stealing the briefcase on Friday, which means nothing because the contract inside belongs to Rollins. This defiance of the Authority will not be tolerated.

This brings out Paul Heyman for his usual catchphrases and to talk about how close Cena got to becoming champion. Rollins got close as well, but how dare he try to cash in on Brock Lesnar with a curb stomp. Stephanie gets in his face but here’s Seth Rollins to interrupt. He doesn’t really apologize for what he did, but says everyone in the ring is glad Cena isn’t champion again.

Rollins wants to become champion by beating the best, which is clearly Brock Lesnar. Heyman isn’t cool with this so Rollins says Brock should see it as a compliment because it shows Brock is the best. Paul goes to leave but HHH stops him. They stare each other down but HHH just shakes his hand and says thanks for the talk.

This brings Rollins to Ambrose, who better return the briefcase and the personal property inside. If he doesn’t return it, the cinder blocks will look like nothing. Dean pops up on screen and holds up the case in the back, saying if Rollins wants it back he should just come and get it. The three head up the ramp but Cena runs out and jumps Rollins. Seth bails into the crowd, leaving Cena in the ring.

WWE doesn’t like breast cancer.

After a break, the Authority is in the back with some agents. HHH sends Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury to get the briefcase.

Intercontinental Title: Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz

Ziggler is defending after beating Miz for the title last week. Cesaro had a title shot on Smackdown and got pinned with his hands in the ropes. The challengers go after Dolph in the corner to start but get in a quick argument over who gets to try for the pin. Cesaro suplexes Miz down for two but Miz clotheslines the power guy down, sending Dolph into the corner. Miz gets gorilla pressed but Ziggler dropkicks Cesaro down, leaving Miz to crash onto the mat as we take a break.

Back with Miz sliding through Cesaro’s legs but Ziggler grabs a rollup instead. Everyone rolls up everyone for two until Ziggler DDTs both guys down at the same time. Another DDT to Miz and a neckbreaker to Cesaro get two on the Hollywood guy and send Cesaro out to the floor. Mizdow trips the champion and earns a baseball slide for his efforts. A sunset flip gets two on Miz but he comes back with a Figure Four attempt.

Cesaro nails Miz with an uppercut and tries a sunset flip of his own but Ziggler pulls on Cesaro’s legs, sending him head first into Miz’s crotch. Dolph throws Miz in the Figure Four but Cesaro makes the save with a double stomp. Miz goes up top but dives into the uppercut, only to have Ziggler superkick Cesaro and pin Miz to retain at 11:48.

Rating: C+. They did some different stuff in there and the match worked better than I was expecting it to. I’m digging this whole “having a division” thing as there are a lot of people who can feud over the title and have good matches like this instead of just doing aimless stuff. As usual I don’t expect it to last but it’s nice to see.

Mizdow is holding his knee just like Miz in a nice touch.

Mercury and Noble go Ambrose hunting but find the Rosebuds, Big E. and Great Khali instead.

WWE still hates breast cancer.

We get a freaky video from the Wyatts which keeps jumping all over the place and talking about finding someone after everyone was told he was gone. Bray asks what you give someone who has lost everything. He fixed someone and now he’s being sent out on his own. It seems like they’re talking about Harper. Luke says he’s piecing himself back together with pieces of you. Bray says Harper is set free. Harper gets close to the camera and says you’re doomed.

The Authority yells at Mercury and Noble for not being able to find Ambrose and possibly stopping for a hamburger. If they don’t find him, they’re fired. The new Stooges leave and Miz and Mizdow come in instead. Mizdow talks for Miz and complains about the rematch for the Intercontinental Title being a triple threat. HHH cuts them off and gives Mizdow a match with Sheamus and threatens to fire Miz.

Layla vs. Rosa Mendes

Tyson Kidd is at ringside messing with his phone because he and Natalya (also at ringside) are having marital problems. Layla takes Rosa down and grabs a chinlock until Rosa fires back with forearms. Rosa’s hair extensions fall out and Layla knocks her to the floor, triggering a brawl between Summer and Natalya. Kidd has no idea any of this is going on. Back in and the Layout beats Rosa at 2:58.

Natalya takes Tyson’s phone post match.

Ambrose is in the back with the briefcase and a bag.

Here’s Ambrose with the bag and briefcase in the arena. He throws in a table and sets the briefcase on top, saying he’s been at the concession stand. The agents came in but they were busy eating and didn’t see him wave. However, that’s not what he’s talking about here. Dean doesn’t like the way the Authority runs their merchandise stands so tonight we’re having a Dean Ambrose sale, but the briefcase isn’t for sale tonight.

Dean throws a bag of t-shirts on the table and says he’ll sell it for a dollar. First up is a Cena shirt for a dollar and a Sheamus shirt for a quarter. This brings out Mercury and Noble (Dean: “They sent the cruiserweight division after me?”) to ask for the briefcase. Ambrose says that’s fine but they have to come in and get it. The guys back away so Ambrose starts throwing the shirts into the crowd for free.

The agents come back with Rollins and security as Dean runs out of shirts. Dean: “Are you real security? I could have sworn you were Rosebuds last week.” Ambrose backs away into the crowd as Rollins finally gets up on the apron. Rollins opens the briefcase and green slime sprays on him. Dean’s “look what I did!” face is great stuff. He swears he had nothing to do with it and Seth freaks out.

After a break, Seth is complaining to the Authority that he could be blinded. Rollins is sent to the trainer and HHH makes Kane and Orton vs. Ambrose and Cena. Orton doesn’t like having to fight Rollins’ battles again. A phone ring and they’re not sure whose it is. It turns out that it’s in the briefcase and Rollins runs back in to say it’s an electric razor. Was that a vibrator joke?

Here’s Mark Henry with something to say. He starts apologizing to the fans for last week when Bo Dallas interrupts. Bo says Henry should apologize to himself instead of the people. It’s time to close the Hall of Pain and join the Hall of Bolievers. Being a Boliever means never having to say you’re sorry.

Bo Dallas vs. Mark Henry

Henry hammers away to start and pounds Bo into the corner, only to miss the Vader Bomb. A Bodog gives Dallas the pin at 1:45. JBL treats this like a huge upset.

In the back after a break, Bo says he won because he Bolieved. Henry attacks him from behind and crushes him with an anvil case a few times. Dallas is out cold. Henry says that’s what he does. That came off like a heel turn.

Network hype.

The Dusts are in the back looking at a crystal ball with electric lights going through it. Stardust looks at a chalkboard and babbles about various things. Stardust comes in and says the titles are the Cosmic Key and they determine their fates. Everything else is science fiction and Stardust shoves the ball away. The belts are science fact.

Brie Bella is here for a match when Nikki comes in to remind Brie that she quit in this building. Nikki yells at her for quitting for Bryan, starting a quick YES chant. That went so well for Brie because Bryan is still sitting at home. Nikki says Brie did it for the cheers and brings up all the handicap matches she was in for about the 1000^th time. Tonight Brie gets her own handicap match.

Brie Bella vs. Cameron/Eva Marie

Brie takes Eva down with ease because she’s a former Divas Champion and Eva has had about an hour of career ring time. Cameron gets kicked off the apron but Eva gets in a few shots of her own. Off to Cameron for two off a snap suplex and the fans start chanting for JBL. Brie fights out of the corner and now the fans are chanting for Cole. Cameron is sent into Eva and Brie gets a rollup for the pin at 2:57. Thank goodness they got out of there as fast as they did.

WWE still hates breast cancer.

Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil vs. Los Matadores

The Rosebuds are at ringside and Rose is on commentary with the Bunny at his side. Slater and Titus bring out Hornswoggle in an alligator outfit. Reverend Jesse Jackson is n the front row. O’Neil slams Diego down to start as JBL asks if Rose and the bunny listen to hip hop. Slater allows Diego to tag out to Fernando who cleans house until Hornswoggle comes in for a distraction, allowing Slater to grab a rollup for the pin at 2:42.

Torito and Hornswoggle have their showdown but Rose makes a save. Titus is low bridged to the floor and Los Matadores drop Slater, allowing the Bunny to hit a splash.

Here are Rusev and Lana to brag about beating up Big Show on Friday, only to have Big Show attack him with a right hand. This brings out Big Show who says everything said about Putin is a bunch of garbage. He brings up A Few Good Men for some reason by saying Lana can’t handle the truth.

We get the an unedited package on Big Show standing up for Henry and Rusev attacking Show with the Russian flag on Friday. Rusev says he wants to pull out Big Show’s guts and kick him in the groin. He’ll break every bone in Big Show’s body but Big Show says we don’t speak Russian. Big Show hits the ring and the Russians bail. He slowly goes over to the Russian flag and rips it down to a big reaction. Rusev finally gets back in and is thrown right back to the floor.

We recap Ambrose, Rollins and the briefcase from earlier tonight.

Cena says this is his kind of town and is glad he doesn’t have to face Dean Ambrose. They both want Seth Rollins and Dean pops up behind Cena and Renee. Cena asks if Dean would like to add something. Dean: “Not really.” They get in an argument over who gets to beat up Rollins and Dean says not even Cena can take food off his plate.

Alicia Fox vs. AJ Lee

Paige introduces Alicia as her new best friend. In a throwaway line before the match, Cole says the WWE Network will launch in the UK on November 1, not October 1 as they announced for months. AJ sends Fox to the floor to start before hitting a plancha to take both evil girls down. Back in and Paige offers a distraction so Alicia can get in a quick ax kick for the pin at 1:35.

Paige gives AJ the Rampaige post match and Alicia drops soda on her. She doesn’t open the cans or anything but just drops them.

Harper video again.

Sheamus vs. Damien Mizdow

Non-title and Miz is on commentary. Sheamus takes Mizdow down with a headlock to start but the stunt double escapes the ten forearms to the chest. Back in and Sheamus gets annoyed when Mizdow punches him so the beating is on in the corner. Mizdow comes back with Miz’s short DDT and drives some forearms to the pale head. Sheamus shrugs it off and hits the ten forearms before sending Mizdow out to the floor. The champ follows and sends Mizdow into Miz before taking him back inside for the Brogue Kick and the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and the step helped a lot actually. Mizdow isn’t going to be anything more than a comedy guy but at least he was able to get in a little offense of his own. They’re getting somewhere with the characters but a third person added to the mix might help.

Here’s a pink Hulk Hogan with something to say. He talks about breast cancer awareness month and says he’s turned in the red and yellow to go pink. There are a bunch of breast cancer survivors here and they’re the real heroes. We can buy gear at WWEshop.com to help fight breast cancer and it’s time for catchphrases.

Kane and Orton complain about having to take care of Rollins’ problems when Stephanie comes in and tells them to get over it. The people have been saying Orton and Kane have gone soft and lost their killer instinct. Kane asks if the people are saying that or if it’s just Stephanie. She wants to know if it really matters and that’s that.

Preview of the new episode of Monday Night War debuting after Raw. We saw this earlier.

Reigns will be here for an interview next week. Big Show vs. Rusev as well.

John Cena/Dean Ambrose vs. Kane/Randy Orton

Cena vs. Orton to start of course and the fans are already dueling. John takes over with a quick bulldog but Kane gets in a shot from the apron to take over as we go to our last break. Back with Orton getting two on Cena off what looked like the powerslam but having the RKO countered. He has to settle for the backbreaker instead but Cena is up at two. Kane comes in for a nerve hold and we actually look at Rollins being slimed twice during the hold.

Back to Orton for a chinlock as the dueling Cena chants begin. A big backdrop puts Orton on the floor and Cena does the big dramatic crawl to Ambrose before diving over for the tag. Ambrose speeds up with a pair of dives to the Authority before throwing Orton back in. Randy kicks him into the Rebound Clothesline and Dirty Deeds gets two on as Rollins runs in for the DQ at 11:47.

Rating: C-. The match was the usual boring stuff and you knew Rollins was going to interfere. I’ll give them this though: they’ve done a good job at putting Ambrose straight into Reigns’ spot and making it work. You can picture Reigns having the same promos and matches as Ambrose (well maybe not the sarcastic stuff) and it still works. Reigns will be fine when he gets back but maybe Ambrose can get a rocket strapped to his back in Reigns’ absence.

Dean fights Rollins off and dives at Kane, only to leave it short. Thankfully he pops back up and helps Cena corner Rollins in the ring. The heroes get in a fight over who gets to beat up Rollins though and Dean sends Cena out to the floor. Orton nails an RKO on Ambrose and Kane adds a chokeslam. Rollins plants Dean with a curb stomp onto the briefcase. Cena comes in for a save but eats an RKO and chokeslam of his own. A curb stomp sends Cena into the briefcase (Fans: “THANK YOU ROLLINS!”) and a bunch of replays end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is what I’ve dubbed the Raw Special: a show that would have been awesome if they cut an hour, but as all the extra stuff thrown in there really drags it down. Between the THREE Divas matches and countless backstage segments with the Authority saying the same thing over and over to WWE REALLY HATES BREAST CANCER AND YOU SHOULD BUY OUR SHIRTS SO WE CAN GIVE THEM LIKE A PENNY EACH, the show felt way longer than it should have.

That being said, there were good things going on here. First of all, most of the bad matches were kept short and there was some good energy to a lot of the stuff. The Ambrose segment was really entertaining and felt like something different, which is what they need more than anything in the main event. We might even be heading towards Cena vs. Ambrose in the Cell, which could lead to Ambrose vs. Rollins. Maybe in the same night inside the Cell with Ambrose getting his big win?

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Miz and Cesaro – Ziggler pinned Miz after an uppercut from Cesaro

Layla b. Rosa Mendes – Layout

Bo Dallas b. Mark Henry – Bodog

Brie Bella b. Cameron/Eva Marie – Rollup to Cameron

Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil b. Los Matadores – Rollup to Fernando

Alicia Fox b. AJ Lee – Ax kick

Sheamus b. Damien Mizdow – Brogue Kick

John Cena/Dean Ambrose b. Kane/Randy Orton via DQ when Seth Rollins interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Vengeance 2004
Date: July 11, 2004
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

So Benoit won the title at Mania and since then it’s been Benoit vs. HHH because HHH can’t allow anyone to be a star on Raw other than him. We also have Batista vs. Jericho and Edge vs. Orton which is considered something of a modern classic for no apparent reason. This is an odd time for the company as they’re just breaking out of that 2003 funk but they haven’t hit their stride yet. It’s coming though. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Benoit’s rise and now that we’ve talked about him enough it’s time for HHH to take over our screen. The announcers aren’t at ringside here as they had this weird idea about putting them way in the back for no explained reason.

Tajiri/Rhyno vs. Jonathan Coachman/Garrison Cade

Uh…yeah. Seriously how do I even talk about this? This is like an opener on Heat, but a bad one. This was announced on Heat. Seriously, what was the thought osn this? To my great shock and awe, this has a backstory. For no apparent reason Eugene was made GM of Raw for a night and had a game of musical chairs for a title match. Tajiri was eliminated first and Coach got the last seat. This fell out of that.

Tajiri is actually popular. Coach wisely runs from Rhyno. I’ve never seen the appeal of Cade. The guy just isn’t that good and that’s all there is to it. Oh look: Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade on Pay Per View. Coach and Cade beat up Tajiri. Again, is there a reason this is happening? I mean was there NOTHING else to try?

After even more boring stuff, we get green mist from Tajiri to Cade. Apparently the referee seeing green stuff on Cade’s formerly blonde hair is perfectly fine. This is making my head hurt and I’m not even fifteen minutes into it. Cade gets gored, Coach gets kicked and I need a stiff drink.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash and it was just boring. Tajiri was always good for some stuff, but Cade and Coach? Really? That’s the best you can come up with? This was one of the dumbest openers of all time and it’s also one of the least interesting. I mean just think about it: Tajiri and Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade and Jonathan Coachman. Think about that for a minute.

Evolution is in the back and they make fun of Eugene. Is there a reason for this? Ah Flair and Eugene have a tag title shot for no apparent reason. This was around the time where HHH was pretending to be his friend to set up their match at Summerslam. Evolution can’t find him though so HHH goes to find him. He’s with Benoit who is telling him that Evolution is using him.

We recap Jericho vs. Batista where the idea is Batista keeps knocking Jericho out with a really strong clothesline. No one can stop Batista, so Jericho is going to try.

Batista vs. Chris Jericho

It amazes me how much things can change in a few years as this would be main eventing a PPV in four years. Batista has very different music at this point. Jericho has the same. That’s the one thing Jericho has never changed and the more I think about it the better I think that is. Batista already has those shoulder blocks in the corner that he uses so often. So basically the problem here is that Jericho can’t do a thing because Batista is really strong.

I have no idea why I love it so much but I freaking love the jumping back elbow from the top or from the not top for that matter. It just looks freaking sweet. Batista drops an F bomb which is rather amusing. He starts going after Jericho’s head which makes sense for the clothesline finisher that you would assume is coming up. And then he works on the back. Sure why not. King is heel here but it’s just not working that well. He’s trying to be funny and it’s just failing.

Jericho makes a short comeback but Batista hits a HUGE spinebuster. That freaking hurt. Lionsault and Batista Bomb bots miss but reverse the order of those. Finally the Bomb hits and even though Jericho’s foot is on the rope the pin is counted anyway. Big win for the Animal before he has that name.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than the previous match. Batista is really young at this point so he needed the big time experience here. Jericho was in a major rut at this point and this was a great example of that. He wouldn’t get out of it for awhile and would leave next summer.

HHH and Evolution are in the back and the rest of them leave. Flair moves and behind him is Eugene. HHH sits down with him and keeps manipulating him to eventually helping him win the title. He and Flair give Eugene a Flair robe. Does he just have a closet full of those to give out to people?

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Eugene/Ric Flair

Take a guess as to who the champions are here. On a random note, Lillian in Go-Go Boots is AWESOME. Flair’s music cuts off the French national anthem to a huge cheer. The look on Flair’s face when he looks at Eugene is hilarious. Eugene and Conway start us off and the Kentucky guy struts. These two were a team in OVW called the Lords of the Ring who won like 10 tag titles there. He starts using a bunch of Flair moves resulting in the required freak out from Flair.

Flair hasn’t even been in yet. Flair finally comes in and Grenier is in trouble. He’s one of those guys that never actually did anything but had a job because he fit into a tag team. Flair for the most part probably used more basic stuff than anyone ever while making it work. I mean really, how many complex moves can you think of Flair using? He does really basic stuff but he does it so efficiently that he makes himself look great while at the same time making others look great. That’s a very rare quality.

The figure four goes on but Conway makes the save. Flair is RIDICULOUSLY popular here. For some reason this is getting some time. It says a lot when a guy like Flair, a member of the top heel stable, is getting cheered this much. There’s a massive row of signs that spell out WOO in the crowd. There are a lot more o’s in there though which I’d guess you figured out. Why is it that you never see guys use the front facelock in singles matches but you see it all the time in tags?

Without a tag, Flair gets hit by Au Revoir (the champions’ finisher) but Eugene Eugenes Up and beats the tar out of them. And then he knocks the referee down for the CHEAP DQ. Eugene hits a Stunner and Rock Bottom on them after the match.

Rating: C. I don’t think anyone was really expecting much here or a title change and that’s about what they got. This was by no means bad but it’s nothing great at all. Flair and Eugene were part of a far more important angle that would culminate with HHH beating up a slow man on PPV. Still though, not awful at all but nothing special either.

Ad for Summerslam, which if I remember right was a pretty bad show.

We recap Matt Hardy and Lita vs. Kane. The idea here is kind of in depth but simple at the same time. So Matt loved Lita and wanted to marry her. Kane kind of stalked them for no reason other than he’s evil. Lita got pregnant and Matt proposed to her, but of course the baby is Kane’s. The reason though is she slept with Kane to prevent him from more or less killing Matt. That sets this up.

Matt Hardy vs. Kane

It’s no DQ here. No count out either according to JR. Kane’s music ROCKED back in the day. Matt gets a NICE pop. He always had that potential to be something big but they kept botching it. This is pure soap opera and it works great. They’re not sure who the baby belongs to here so that’s a major factor in this. JR says if Kane wants kids he should get married and do it the right way. That’s just amusing.

I’ve always loved that huge clothesline he’d hit off the top. To be fair though, Kane has always been one of my favorites. They’ve been in the ring maybe 45 seconds and we’re over five minutes into this. That fits though as it’s supposed to be a really serious feud so I’m fine with it. Kane gets tied up in the ropes and Matt goes OFF on him. Tombstone is countered into a Twist of Fate for two. A bad chokeslam hits on Matt as we’re waiting on Lita to get here.

Ah here she is. She bounces down to the ring and distracts Kane while he picks up the steps. Matt blasts the steps with a chair so they hit him in the head for the pin. I liked this more than I thought I would, but their Summerslam match was much better.

In the back Matt tells Lita he needs her to stay away from him until he can figure things out and for the sake of the baby.

Rating: B-. This is one of those matches where you have to consider the angle. This was sloppy and far more of a brawl than a traditional match, but that’s what it was supposed be. This came off as a big fight like it was supposed to be and I was into it. There’s some likely bias there but who cares? This worked pretty well I thought though and I liked it a lot more than most would.

We recap Edge vs. Orton. The idea here is that Orton has finally stopped being a pretty boy and is just being awesome, including the war with Foley at Backlash. Edge came back from injury and said someone had to stand up to Evolution and he’s going to start with Orton. When Edge got hurt, he was the hottest thing in the world, so this is by far the biggest match on the card as far as people drooling to see it.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Randy Orton

Apparently the title has changed hands the most in July out of any month. Doesn’t really mean much but it’s a cool little factoid. Orton was just totally awesome as the ridiculously confident jerk that never lost. He’s held the belt forever here and this is just before he would rise to the main event picture and win the world title at Summerslam…before he had to hand it back to HHH a month later. Lawler has a crush on Orton I think.

Edge is using a lot of shoulder blocks and headlocks here. After about his fourth one, Orton tries to bail. And then he just comes back. Was there a point to that other than killing time? Ross says that this is for the title if you just tuned in. Make your own jokes. Orton is beating the heck out of Edge here. It amazes me how much his character has evolved over the years. Sweet goodness Edge is boring here. The fans like Orton actually.

Edge finally mixes it up a bit by hitting a nice missile dropkick off the top. Orton kicks the spear out of the way just like he’s done many times. Edge I beg of you: get a new freaking finisher. The Impaler is perfect. The fans are more or less split but there might be a slight lead for Orton. Orton does the Zeus/Giant neck spin thing that put Hogan out for months but on a guy that’s had neck surgery it doesn’t do much at all. Orton’s dropkick is freaking pretty. It just is.

And of course we get a chinlock. That makes this a real Orton match. The more I think about it the more I think a legdrop would hurt. Lawler and Ross argue about Edge’s hair. This is a LONG chinlock. Edge hits a dropkick into the ribs to get us back to even. This is long but not that interesting. It’s decent but from the thoughts I’ve heard about this before now I’d think it was a classic. By no means is that the case.

They crank things up a good bit and it gets a lot better. This has cracked twenty minutes and Orton goes for the RKO. Crowd is WAY into this. Let the near falls begin! After Orton takes the pad off the buckle he goes into it and there’s your spear to give Edge the belt. The spear had that explosion it needed to make it good too.

Rating: B. This was good but by no means a classic. This is a great example of a match where being long doesn’t exactly mean it’s great. Orton and Edge never really did anything spectacular here and it felt like a longer version of a regular match. It’s good, but by no means is it a classic.

This ran over 25 minutes and the first 20 are more or less a long Raw main event minus the good part. You cut ten minutes off of this and it’s FAR better. The last three minutes are quite good though as far as drama and drawing the crowd in.

Ad for the Diva Search. Christy Hemme won but Michelle and Maria were in it as were three others that are gone now.

Molly Holly vs. Victoria

This is a number one contender’s match. Molly had her head shaved recently for no apparent reason but she has a wig with a chinstrap holding it on. I smell a comedy moment later on. Victoria is more recently known as Tara. She went from being this psycho chick to being some dancing chick with a bad theme song. Such a shame. Victoria busts out a sweet moonsault for two. We nearly get a countout as Victoria may have hurt her what appears to be neck. Ah it’s her shoulder. Got it.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? It’s not like it’s a unique move when so many people use it. Molly works on the shoulder for a LONG time, including throwing her arm first into the ropes. Would that hurt? I’m not sure actually. Widow’s Peak doesn’t work but she hits more or less a superkick for the pin.

Rating: D. This was your standard Raw Divas match. The division was just bad at this point and this was no exception. Trish was champion and was injured at the moment hence the no title thing here. This just didn’t interest me at all though, although I’ve seen FAR worse matches.

Ad for Summerslam with Stacy in a short skirt.

We recap HHH vs. Benoit which more or less has been the main feud since Mania. Benoit has the title now but HHH won’t leave him alone and then last month when there was Benoit vs. Kane for the belt, HHH and Shawn just HAD to do a 50 minute Hell in a Cell match. In short, HHH wouldn’t let Benoit be the top guy and next month Benoit lost it. Eugene is being manipulated by Evolution and Benoit is trying to explain this to Eugene but accidently hit him with a chair. Sadly I think he’ll be involved in the main event.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. HHH

They try to make it sound like HHH is the second best technical guy in the world. So in other words not only are they saying Benoit is best, but they’re BOTH better than Angle. That’s just funny. Benoit wasn’t at his best at this point, but when he was at his best HHH insisted he wasn’t ready to be a main event guy since Angle vs. Lesnar was the top feud and that would just leave Benoit to fight HHH and we couldn’t do that right?

HHH has the white boots here which just look idiotic but whatever. We start with some very nice technical and even chain stuff. I love chain wrestling but it rarely happens anymore. Benoit works on the shoulder to set up for the Crossface. That’s why he’s great: intelligence. The headbutt misses though and HHH takes over. This has been back and forth so far and solid stuff. If the referee stops the match, Benoit keeps the belt? Even if Benoit is the one that’s hurt? That makes no sense at all.

This was a very strange time as even logic went out the window as you can see. HHH busts out the GORDBUSTER! Benoit had hurt his chest earlier so that move makes a ton of sense. And that again is what we call psychology. Benoit hurt his sternum so HHH works on it. That’s intelligent. HHH is beating the tar out of him and his chest here. Sweet niblets those chops are awesome sounding. And here the abdominal stretch makes sense.

And now let’s hit the sleeper. It’s boring, but far less so than the chinlock as you could maybe get a win with it. The chinlock has never meant anything other than rest. Resting is fine, but at least try to have a point to it. Sharpshooter is hooked and HHH is in trouble.

We go to the Germans and we’ve got a solid match here. And now we crank it up a bit as Benoit busts out a suicide dive. More like a running forearm through the ropes but it looked fine. The referee goes down and HHH calls for Eugene. Benoit hooks the crossface and Benoit tells Eugene to GET THE REF! HHH taps and no referee. Seriously, why do we need the slow guy to be involved in the ending of a great title match?

Benoit jumps Eugene when he comes in out of possible protection. Again, he’s beating up a slow guy but everything is fine with this I guess. Pedigree hits and still no referee. Can we get a second referee? I mean this is just stupid. It only gets two and we put the camera on Eugene of course. The guy in the far too small tights brings in a chair for HHH but then takes it back. This is officially the Eugene Show. And down he goes again.

Benoit gets the chair and takes out the running in Flair and Batista. Eugene is in AGAIN. This is just freaking stupid at this point. People are freaking LEAVING. Could it be because the slow guy has become the focus of this PPV? Again, he’s a great example of a guy that was fine for a minor role but they’ve given him this massive spot and the people turned on him. Eugene doesn’t want to hit either guy, Benoit starts a tug-of-war and HHH gets smacked in the head with it.

The referee is STILL down. And Benoit rolls him up for the pin after HHH sits around for 20 seconds. AWFUL ending. Again, they managed to take a great match and make it about Eugene. This was completely blasted and the fans would soon totally turn on Eugene and the whole character to the point where they actually tried turning him heel.

Yeah that sums things up well. Oh and the slow guy was the secret weapon of HHH. You have Dave Batista, Randy Orton and Ric Flair and you freaking pick Eugene? You deserve to lose buddy.

Rating: B. This was a great match until the last 7 minutes or so. Seriously, EUGENE was the focus of the ending of a PPV. That just does not work at all. He was a comedy character that got ridiculously over so they pushed him harder than he ever deserved to be. Nick Dinsmore, the guy that played him, is a good wrestler but this character simply didn’t work at this level. If you give this a legit finish, the match is FAR better and makes my head hurt far less.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s good, but at the same time this could have been SO much better. Orton vs. Edge is just not that good. It’s decent enough but at the same time it’s just the last 4 minutes or so that’s any good. The first twenty is like a REALLY long set up sequence. It’s good enough I guess but you chop ten minutes off of it and it’s VERY good. It’s good but could have been far better. There’s no other way to put it.

The main event is solid for the most part but it is dying for a better finish. One thing you can’t say is that they didn’t give the main matches enough time as of the two major ones the short one is over 26 minutes long. It’s definitely not a bad show at all, but this could have been a much better show given what they had. Oh and less Eugene. That would have helped a lot.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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….and it’s bad.They’re called Speed Force.

Speed Force.

They’re had like six weeks and they came up with SPEED FORCE?

Smackdown
Date: September 26, 2014
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Things are in a state of flux right now with Roman Reigns out of the picture for the time being, leaving Dean Ambrose to take his spot. Dean has already been dealing with Cena, which puts him in about as big a spot as you could ask for. Ambrose still needs to rack up some wins though so hopefully that starts tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with a recap of the events from Raw with Ambrose, Cena and the Authority.

Dean Ambrose vs. Miz

This is due to Ambrose attacking Miz on MizTV on Main Event. Miz bails to the floor to start before getting caught in a headlock and rollup for two. Ambrose sends him outside again but chases after him this time, eventually taking him down in the ring and hammering away. Miz begs him not in the face so Dean rakes at the Moneymaker. A bad looking Reality Check gets two for Miz and he stomps away as the fans are all behind Dean.

Ambrose comes right back with a dropkick to send Miz to the floor, followed by a big plancha. Mizdow offers a distraction though and Miz takes over as we take a break. Back with Dean blocking the corner clothesline with a forearm to the face. Cole actually gives us an explanation for how Dean got out of the room on Raw: “He went out the back door.”

Dean sends him to the floor and hits a suicide dive before a tornado DDT gets two. A missile dropkick is countered into the Figure Four but Dean is right by the ropes. The Rebound Clothesline drops Miz but here are Rollins and Kane for a distraction. Thankfully Dean is too smart for that and hits Dirty Deeds for the pin at 10:13.

Rating: C-. The match was fine and Dean getting a clean pin over a former World Champion is nothing but good for him right now. Miz isn’t exactly John Cena but he’s a guy that Dean should be beating like this. Also how nice is it that a good guy comes off looking smart for a change? Nice enough match.

The Authority comes in for the beatdown but Ambrose fights both of them off and runs off with the briefcase.

Stardust and Goldust are all insane and say the Gemini Usos can’t have the Tag Team Titles. The rematch is tonight.

Battle Royal

Cesaro, Heath Slater, Diego, Titus O’Neil, Fernando, Bo Dallas, Zack Ryder, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, Sin Cara, Damien Mizdow, Justin Gabriel, Jack Swagger, Big E.

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot later tonight. Fernando is quickly tossed out and Bo dumps Cara. Cesaro tosses Diego but the new Nation can’t eliminate Dallas. Instead Kofi low bridges Gabriel out before Cesaro dumps Woods. Big E. has the power battle with Cesaro and is lifted up in a very impressive gorilla press. Titus breaks it up for no apparent reason so Cesaro lifts him up, only to have Big E. return the save. Cesaro is tired of all this and just muscles Big E. out.

We take a break and come back with no eliminations during the break. Titus and Ryder fight on the ropes and Zack gets tossed. Swagger eliminates Titus a few seconds later, leaving us with Cesaro, Slater, Swagger, Dallas, Mizdow and Kingston. Swagger throws Heath out and everyone surrounds Mizdow. The big beatdown is on and Mizdow is quickly out.

Kofi gets thrown over the top but skins the cat to pull Dallas to the apron with him. A kick to the head is enough to eliminate Bo as Swagger hits the Vader Bomb on Cesaro. Kofi tries to come back in with a hurricanrana but Jack catches him and drops Kofi into the opposite corner. Another Vader Bomb is blocked by Cesaro to send Swagger to the apron. Kofi hits a springboard shot to Jack’s head but has to save himself from Cesaro. Swagger gets back in but Cesaro throws Kofi at Swagger to eliminate both guys for the win at 11:25.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad and thankfully they kept things moving with only about eight minutes shown on TV. Cesaro is becoming a beast in these battle royals which could become a thing for him going forward. Also those displays of strength of his are hard to ignore with the gorilla presses and ending sequence being very impressive.

Network talk.

The Usos have everything ready to get their titles back.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Goldust/Stardust

The Dusts are defending in a rematch from Night of Champions. We get some big match intros and start with Jey and Stardust. A rollup gets a quick two for Jey and he slams Stardust down before sending him outside. Goldust is sent outside as well, setting up the double dive from the Usos as we take a break. Back with what looks like a hot tag to Jey who backdrops Goldust for two. Jey is sent into the buckle and out to the floor so Stardust can get in a few cheap shots of his own. Stardust: “WHERE’S THE KING???” Back in with Goldust dropping an elbow and cranking on the arm.

Jey loses his shirt and gets beaten on even more until he nails a forearm to drop Stardust. Goldust gets backdropped to the floor but he charges back in to a Samoan drop. The hot tag brings in Jimmy to clean house with a t-bone suplex to Stardust. The superkick misses though and Stardust sends him to the floor. Goldust tries a dive but the Usos catch him and toss him into the barricade. Stardust dives backwards onto both of them and all four are down. Back in and the Usos nail a Doomsday Device of all things on Stardust. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash but Goldust comes in with the title belt for the DQ at 10:13.

Rating: C+. These teams have good chemistry and the match was working here. It sets up a third match, likely at the PPV, which should be just as good as this with extra time. The Usos are getting close to being a great team and having opponents like this and the Wyatts are only going to make them better.

We recap Ambrose stealing the briefcase.

Rollins is ticked off but Kane says the briefcase doesn’t matter because it’s all about the contract. Seth gets that but says if the briefcase isn’t returned, the cinder blocks will look like child’s play.

Layla/Summer Rae vs. Natalya/Rosa Mendes

Summer runs from Natalya to start so it’s quickly off to Layla. They trade rollups and Layla has to kick away from the Sharpshooter. Off to Summer who gets suplexed down and kneed in the corner but Layla makes a blind tag. She nails one kick and immediately tags back out to Summer. The villains ask Natalya if she’s going to cry as Rosa tries to play cheerleader on the apron.

Layla hooks a figure four neck lock and bends back over the ropes before hitting a dropkick to the side of the head. Summer comes back in for a bodyscissors and slams Natalya head first into the mat. Natalya kicks Summer away and makes the tag to Rosa (Cole: “Latina Heat!”) for a bad dropkick on Layla for two. Everything breaks down and Natalya kicks Summer to the floor, allowing Layla to roll Rosa up for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: D. There are a bunch of problems with this whole story. To begin with, why did Natalya wait about three months to go after Summer? Second, it’s really hard to care about these catty fights the girls are having, especially when some of them are capable of having good matches. The words “some of them” is the final key point. Rosa Mendes is about as worthless of a Diva as there has ever been. As far as I know, she has never won a singles match on TV. Why should I think it’s a big deal when she comes back?

We look at Main Event where Mark Henry wasn’t going to apologize to America again because he thinks they don’t appreciate him. Big Show came out and promises to knock Rusev out on Smackdown.

Big Show says he and Henry are brothers from another mother so he’ll knock Rusev out in Henry’s honor tonight.

We get the video on Reigns in the hospital and hear from the doctor on his prognosis.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro

Dolph is defending. Feeling out process to start with Ziggler taking him up against the ropes. Cesaro actually tries a monkey flip but Dolph lands on his feet and hiptosses him down. After a quick trip to the floor, Cesaro cranks on a chinlock and drops the champion with a belly to back suplex.

Ziggler gets caught in an abdominal stretch to stay on his ribs before a middle rope elbow gets two for Cesaro. Off to a modified cobra clutch on Dolph but he jawbreaks his way to freedom. A nice dropkick puts Cesaro down but he counters the Fameasser into a powerbomb, only to have Dolph climb over the shoulder into a rollup for the pin at 6:22. Cesaro clearly had the rope at two so there’s likely going to be a rematch.

Rating: C. Nice power vs. speed match here with Cesaro keeping the champion down and using his power to negate the high flying. The ending is a good way to keep Cesaro’s credibility and set up another match down the line. They could do better with more than six minutes so hopefully they’re given a good deal of time later.

The announcers point out the rope grab and Cesaro yells at the referee.

WWE2K15 stuff.

Lana and Rusev say their usual.

Rusev vs. Big Show

Show goes right at him to start and nails a running clothesline in the corner. There’s a loud chop and another clothesline but Rusev blocks the whisper chop. Big Show comes back with a sunset flip for two and knocks Rusev out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Big Show hitting a few loud chops in the corner but getting his leg taken out.

Rusev goes after the leg with some elbows before cranking on it on the mat. Show fights up with a side slam for two but misses the Knockout Punch. The jumping superkick drops Big Show for two and it’s off to a side choke. Back up and the giant hits some clotheslines followed by the chokeslam but Lana grabs his foot before the Knockout Punch. The distraction lets Rusev hit him with the Russian flag for the DQ at 9:52.

Rating: D. This was ten minutes of “Big Show chops, they do nothing, Big Show chops again, they do nothing, finish.” Rusev beating up Big Show next is another good win for him as he’s getting closer to the top of the card with these wins. He’s still waiting for the big feud but he’s still working well enough. As for Big Show, anything that keeps him away from the main event scene is a good thing.

Big Show knocks him out and Lana is stunned to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Tonight was a different kind of episode as some stuff seemed to matter. We set up a new challenger for Dolph and had Ambrose steal the briefcase which will likely be dealt with on Raw. The wrestling was nothing to see but more than anything else Smackdown needs to have stuff that actually matters. Smackdown needs to be a show that people want to see and two title matches and a battle royal are good ways to get to that point. Granted I have little reason to believe this is going to last as it almost never does but it was an easy show to sit through.

Results

Dean Ambrose b. Miz – Dirty Deeds

Cesaro won a battle royal last eliminating Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger

Usos b. Goldust/Stardust via DQ when Goldust hit Jimmy with a title belt

Layla/Summer Rae b. Rosa Mendes/Natalya – Rollup to Mendes

Dolph Ziggler b. Cesaro – Rollup

Big Show b. Rusev via DQ when Rusev hit him with the Russian flag

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today is the clueless putz himself Steven Richards.

Richards started in ECW in 1992, even having the first match at the ECW Arena. We’ll pick things up in the same promotion (well the same letters at least) on February 4, 1995 at Double Tables.

Stevie Richards vs. Tommy Dreamer

Richards is Raven’s main lackey and helping in the war with Dreamer. They shove each other up against the ropes to start with Richards cowering like you would expect him to. To the floor now with Richards nailing him in the face and taking Dreamer’s shirt. Back in and Dreamer hammers away before planting Richards with a swinging neckbreaker.

Richards is tossed back to the floor and whipped into the barricade as this is getting violent. Back inside with a low blow to Stevie with a frying pan but Stevie pops back up with a backdrop. The DDT catches Richards out of nowhere but Raven grabs Dreamer. Stevie gets back up for a superkick and Tommy is in trouble. Another superkick is blocked with a low blow and Dreamer grabs the rollup pin.

Rating: D. Richards wasn’t much to see in the ring and that was very apparent here. The match wasn’t any good and was just there for Raven to interfere. The perk of a feud like Dreamer and Raven is they could have a bunch of matches with other guys to keep their big showdowns fresh.

We’re going to look at what is considered ECW’s best match by a variety of reviewers. This is from Gangstas’ Paradise and it’s double dog collar, 2/3 falls.

Tag Team Titles: Pitbulls vs. Raven/Stevie Richards

The Pitbulls are challenging and they’re done if they lose. There’s no Richards in sight to start so Raven looks to be going it alone. Beaulah says Richards broke his arm last night so we should make this 2/3 falls. The Pitbulls agree and Raven ties himself up to #2. The brawl is on and #2 starts choking Raven over the ropes as #1 runs to the back. A chair to the head has Raven in even more trouble as #1 drags Richards (with both arms looking fine) out with the collar attaching them.

Richards gets beaten up with a chair as Raven piledrives #2 through the table for a fast pin. The second fall begins with #1 taking a double DDT for two as #2 makes the save. Another table is brought in as #1 beats on Richards even more. With Raven down, a Super Bomb through the table is enough to tie things up as we get down to the real stuff with the third fall.

We take a quick break to look at both falls and come back to see Richards a bloody mess. #1 takes Richards into the crowd where Richards nails him with a chair. Raven and #2 fight in the aisle until #2 sends in another table. The referee goes down (like it matters) and here are the Dudleys (Dances With Dudley and Dudley Dudley) to beat up the Pitbulls. The champions hit Super Bombs but the Pitbulls pop right back up. A double DDT takes down all four villains and both Dudleys take Super Bombs of their own.

We get another table brought in but #2 leaves a Super Bomb on Raven short, driving the back of his head into the edge of the table. The referee wakes up and counts a VERY slow two so Raven busts out some ether to knock out #2 (Joey: “TAKE THAT CRAP TO SMOKY MOUNTAIN!” Yes it was a jab at Cornette’s booking.).

Raven sends #2 through two tables but is too spent to follow up. #2 is taken to the back as Richards gets crotched on the top and suplexed through a table. An unhooked Raven comes in for the save as Francine comes in to go after Richards and gets in a catfight with Beaulah, only to have Raven DDT her down. This brings out Dreamer to chain himself to Raven and lay him out with a DDT….and the pin?

We’re still not done yet though as heel referee Bill Alfonso (heel because he follows the rules) comes out to reverse the decision. Since Dreamer wasn’t in the match, the pin doesn’t count so he still hasn’t officially beaten Raven and the match continues. This brings out Commissioner Tod Gordon to yell at Alfonso but Bill nails him in the face.

Big Dick Dudley is here to chokeslam Dreamer, which Alfonso has to unban as Alfonso had made it illegal to protect himself from the chokeslamming machine 911 who had been wanting to chokeslam Alfonso for months. This immediately brings out 911 to plant Alfonso with a chokeslam for a standing ovation. The Pitbulls get back in to Super Bomb Raven for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. It’s a good brawl, but the impressive part is all the intricate booking coming together to make the whole thing work. They were juggling about five stories at once here and everything was hitting to perfection. It’s not a masterpiece due to the match itself being nothing great, but the storytelling was really good.

Here’s a quick match at November to Remember 1995.

El Puerto Ricano vs. Stevie Richards

Richards is a goofy putz (Joey’s words) here and is Raven’s (top heel here) lackey. Richards gets a gift from the unnamed Blue Meanie who comes over the guardrail with a shirt that says Blue Meanie. The gift is a Flock of Seagulls half shirt. The non Clueless Putz (never did anything of note) jumps Richards and we’re off.

Ricano hits a missile dropkick and dives on Meanie to take care of him. He goes up too many times though and Richards slams him down to take over. Flock of Seagulls dude hits a powerbomb and the other guy (you type Ricano over and over again) is in trouble. He gets draped over the top and takes another Stevie Bomb. Blue Meanie comes in and misses a moonsault. Richards hits a superkick to end this. More or less just a squash.

We’ll jump ahead to House Party 1996 for a match with a hardcore legend.

Sabu vs. Stevie Richards

Richards slips getting into the ring and falls on his face. He also has a bad arm coming into this. Richards runs to start and throws in a chair. Yeah, throw a chair to Sabu. Joey agrees with me, saying that it’s like handing a chainsaw to Leatherface. Sabu has enough of the standing around so he hits a suicide dive to take over. Back inside and Sabu hooks a chinlock but Stevie powerbombs him out of the corner to take over.

Sabu will have none of that and comes back with a slingshot flipping legdrop. Off to an armbar of all things but it only lasts a few seconds. Richards is placed on the top rope and with the help of a chair, Sabu “hits” Air Sabu to knock him to the floor. Sabu slams him to the floor and both guys are down. Richards gets sent into the railing and Sabu sets up a table. Blue Meanie saves Stevie and we head back inside.

Sabu gets caught in an electric chair position but he rolls Richards over the top and out to the floor. This show needs to hurry up and end because it’s REALLY dragging badly now. Richards head fakes Sabu and the crazy one goes through the table. That would be the crazy one Sabu in case you were confused. Meanie gets in a kick on Sabu and they head inside again. Stevie drops a top rope punch for two as we see that he’s not the best on offense.

A Frankensteiner gets two for Sabu and both guys are spent. Richards is sent to the floor and Sabu finally dives over the top with a slingshot rana onto Meanie. Richards gets a horribly botched one of his own from Sabu and the guy in the bright yellow pants takes over again. Richards is placed on a table but Meanie makes the save.

Paul E of all people comes out to beat up Meanie and Sabu hits a dive through Richards through the table. Back inside and that only gets two as this match just keeps going. Richards rolls him up for two and hits the Stevie Kick for another two. A Sabu DDT gets the same and it’s chair time again. Sabu goes up and hits the Atomic Arabian Facebuster (flip leg drop with the chair) to get a pretty anti-climactic pin.

Rating: C-. This just kept going and going and it was only decent to begin with. Sabu would be pushed much harder over the next few months as he would feud with Taz while Richards would somehow get into the world title #1 contenders match at Barely Legal. This wasn’t awful but it dragged a lot which really hurt it.

Another match with another hardcore guy from Cyberslam 1997.

Balls Mahoney vs. Stevie Richards

Mahoney likes leather it seems. Uh…yeah. Use your imagination here people. It’s BWO Stevie here. A little trivia here is that Rob Feinstein, as in the RF in RF Video and a former owner of ROH is playing the Syxx (X-Pac) parody of 7-11 here. Balls has short hair here. He must trim them. The fans aren’t sure who they like here but it seems to be Stevie. I think the BWO is face here but it’s kind of hard to tell in the ECW Arena.

Stevie uses speed to take over, likely just offering Balls some to get him down. Off to an armbar now as the arena flashes his chest to the fans. Oh dear. Fujiwara Armbar now by Stevie (named after Mr. Fuji if you’ve been curious as to that for some odd reason). Balls pounds away for a bit and then it’s right back to Stevie’s armbar. Ten punches in the corner and then Stevie climbs the ropes backwards and rubs his tiguts in Balls’ face. So he wants Balls around his….never mind.

Another clothesline by Balls gets two. Balls has next to no offense outside of clotheslines and punches. He tries a spinwheel kick with Richards on the apron and yet he hits the floor before Richards. As in like 5 seconds before Richards. Stevie chills on the floor for a minute or so until Balls drags him back in. Middle rope elbow has Stevie in trouble.

This is boring if you couldn’t tell as we’re at about 8:30 so far. Yes, these two get eight and a half minutes. Balls gets a modified atomic drop (more like an elevated punch to the balls, thereby making Stevie’s voice elevated) and makes fun of the BWO. Top rope leg drop misses and it’s a Stunner by Stevie to give him control for all of half a second. Powerbomb and a superkick miss so Stevie kicks him in the balls and then the chin to end this.

Rating: D-. See, this is where the problems came from for ECW. In short, the matches aren’t that good. The characters are ok and the stories are more developed, but at the end of the day the wrestling just wasn’t there for the most part. They had some good talent, but a lot of the time it was a guy that punched a lot and had a finisher and that’s about it. They knew no basic stuff and it was glaringly obvious at times. Also, this getting nearly 13 minutes is a bit much.

Richards would start up the BWO and jump up the card, somehow getting into a #1 contenders match at Barely Legal.

Stevie Richards vs. Sandman vs. Terry Funk

This is under elimination rules and the winner gets Raven later in the night for the World Title. Richards is the leader of the BWO but he’s starting to be taken a bit more seriously as a main event guy. He used to be Raven’s lackey but has now struck out on his own. Sandman, known for drinking and smoking on the way to the ring, busts himself open with a beer can on the way to the ring. He and Raven have a long history as well so he would make sense as a challenger too. Funk is the grizzled veteran looking for one more hurrah and is taking Dreamer’s place tonight as Dreamer wanted his mentor to get the title.

Sandman downs another beer and spits it in Stevie’s face while still holding his Singapore cane. All three guys circle each other until Terry and Richards lock up. Sandman breaks it up and chops Stevie in the corner, only to get in a fight with Funk. An early spinning toehold is broken up by Richards and Terry takes a bunch of elbow drops from both guys. Sandman and Richards get into it so Terry hits four straight neckbreakers on Stevie for two.

With no real provocation, Sandman throws in a ladder which blasts Funk in the back of the head. He suplexes the ladder down onto Richards and hits Terry in the head again for two. Terry and Sandman climb the ladder in the corner but Funk moonsaults down onto a standing Stevie instead. Still on the ropes, Sandman picks up the ladder and drops it down onto Richards’ back for two.

Stevie superkicks the ladder into Sandman’s face for two before both of them climb the ladder for no apparent reason. Funk falls into them to knock everything over and all three guys are down. With Stevie down, Sandman and Terry take turns ramming each other face first into the ladder. Richards gets back up and catapults the ladder into the others’ faces and everyone is down again. The Stevie Kick nails Sandman for two and Terry takes one for the same.

Sandman throws both of them plus the ladder out to the floor and dives over the top, knocking the ladder into Richards’ face. Back in and Terry suplexes Stevie but Sandman throws in a trashcan, nailing Terry square in the head. Funk doesn’t seem to mind and even helps Sandman with a spike piledriver on Stevie. Sandman crushes him under the ladder but Terry can only get two.

Terry nails Sandman in the face with the ladder to send him to the floor as Dreamer rants about Raven getting to face the winner while fresh. A double powerbomb is enough to pin Richards and get us down to one on one, sucking some life out of the crowd. Sandman and Terry shake hands then punch each other in the face, only to have Terry backdrop him out to the floor and onto Stevie.

We get barbed wire brought in but Terry wraps Sandman’s shirt around his face and hammers away. The barbed wire is whipped over Sandman’s back to cut him open, but Sandman wraps it around himself and drops a top rope legdrop for two. Stevie is still here for some reason as the trashcan is put over Sandman’s head, setting up a superkick to knock Sandman silly. Terry adds a moonsault for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was the hardcore mess that you have to expect with ECW. Sandman wasn’t much of a wrestler in the technical sense but the fans were way into him and he could throw a solid punch. Funk winning was the best option with Dreamer not being an option, but the fans were WAY behind Stevie here and an upset wouldn’t have been a terrible idea.

Richards would jump to WCW for a few matches, including this one on Nitro, August 18, 1997.

Stevie Richards vs. Scotty Riggs

Richards charges to the ring like a maniac. Riggs grabs the wrist to start before nearly botching a monkey flip. A dropkick puts Richards on the floor but he rams Scotty’s shoulder into the post to take over. Back in and a sitout spinebuster gets two for Stevie but Scotty comes back with some clotheslines. Richards loses his half shirt and gets caught in a side slam for two. Raven jumps the railing as Stevie hits the Stevie Kick for the pin.

Rating: D. I guess this was to set up future stuff but that didn’t make this any easier to get through. Riggs is just not that good and Richards is a comedy character which doesn’t make for an interesting or good match at all. Not much to see here but that would be the case for a lot of Nitro matches.

After a year or so doing nothing of note, it was off to the WWF with one of Richards first matches taking place on Smackdown, October 14, 1999.

Stevie Richards vs. Val Venis

Richards comes out as Dude Love because he’s a bit out there. Val counters a monkey flip with a hot shot but walks into a superkick for two. Back up and Venis slams him down and hits the Money Shot for the pin in just over a minute.

Richards would become Steven Richards and lead the Right to Censor as a parody of the PTC. Here he is at Summerslam 2000.

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Too Cool and Rikishi are WAY over at this point and even won the tag titles over the summer. The RTC is Richards/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan at this point. Some of Goodfather’s former women come out with Rikishi, one of which would become known as Victoria. It’s a big brawl to start until we get Scotty pounding on Buchanan. Hotty backflips over Buchanan and pulls him down before getting two off a high cross body. Off to Sexay for a double suplex before Goodfather comes in and falls to the floor. He shoves Victoria down before punching Sexay in the face to take over.

Buchanan gets in some shots of his own and it’s off to Richards for his cheap shots. A powerbomb gets two and JR sounds stunned. Steven gets crotched on top and superplexed down allowing for the hot tag to Rikishi. The fat man cleans house and Victoria throws Richards back in the ring. The RTC is sent into the corner with Too Cool being launched into all of them at once, but Bull gets in a quick ax kick to take the Samoan down. Scotty loads up the Worm but Steven kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic six man tag here to get the crowd going. A fast paced act like Too Cool and Rikishi is always a great choice to start up a show as the crowd gets fired up for the entrance and hopefully stays hot for the rest of the show. The RTC was a fine choice for a heel stable as they took away what the fans wanted to see and the people were glad to see them get beaten up.

Another match from No Mercy 2000.

Val Venis/Steven Richards vs. Billy Gunn/Chyna

Steven refers to Gunn as rectally obsessed. That somehow fits. Who came up with the stupid name? They need to be drug out into the street and shot. Val and Rikishi start us off which is as riveting as it sounds. Val punches Chyna on the floor and goes into the steps for his troubles. This is going nowhere fast. I hate that expression but it fits here.

Chyna spins Richards around by the tie. She goes off on him and the heels are in trouble. Val goes after the arm of Billy as this is setting new standards for boring. Chyna gets a very weak tag for the beatdown. Handspring elbow to Val as Billy helps to beat him up. Pedigree attempt but Eddie comes down to hit her with the loaded flowers and Val gets the pin.

Rating: F. Sweet GOODNESS this was boring. I get the injury thing but at the same time this had nothing at all to it. Get on to the next match please.

The RTC would start going downhill but they had one more decent night at No Way Out 2001.

Jerry Lawler vs. Steven Richards

Tazz does commentary in Lawler’s place. He’s still a wrestler so this is a new thing for him. He’s a bit like his normal commentating self but not all the way yet. Lawler makes a full entrance despite being at the commentary desk not 2 minutes ago. We see a clip of the RTC stopping the (XFL’s) Las Vegas Outlaws cheerleaders last night. RTC was a parody of the Parents Television Council who got on Vince every 9 seconds for something he did.

This is the walking definition of a catch your breath match as the fans need something worthless to bridge the gap from the war they just saw to the last two matches. Lawler expands his offense from just punches by adding in rapid fire punches. This is why it’s great to have someone like Lawler around: you can throw him in there for something like this and you know he’s going to at least be passable, especially since he only wrestles like twice a year so his expectations are very low.

Kat and Ivory go at it for a bit but the distraction allows Richards to take over. Richards misses a splash in the corner and Lawler takes over for a bit. Apparently if he wins Kat gets to lose her clothes. Ivory comes in and Teddy Long takes FOREVER to get rid of her. Kat tries to hit Richards with Ivory’s belt but she nails Lawler by mistake for the pin. Kat has to join RTC now, but she was released in like two weeks, resulting in Lawler quitting. They were married at the time.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak but at the same time it was about as good as it was going to get. It was on the level of a pretty bad TV match but like I said this was designed to just fill in about 10 minutes so that the fans could breathe a bit. Nothing special at all but it did its job I guess.

Richards would become his old self around this time and win 21 Hardcore Titles. We’ll skip past that as there’s almost nothing to talk about most of the time. Here he is on Raw, January 13, 2003.

Steven Richards vs. Hurricane

Set up earlier, meaning Trish and Victoria are with the guys here. Steven’s suplex is countered and Hurricane takes him down with a clothesline. Hurricane hits the Blockbuster (minus most of the flip) and the Eye of the Hurricane for the pin in less than 90 seconds.

From Raw, September 8, 2003.

Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards

Somehow Steiner has a job at this point. He also has Stacy who is his girlfriend/head freak at this point, which would change very soon. This is angle advancement for Steiner vs. Test, the latter of which is at ringside here. Richards tries to jump Steiner to start and gets pounded down in the corner as a result. There’s a clothesline for Richards and it’s push-up time. Richards gets a boot up in the corner but walks into a Downward Spiral for the pin. Nothing match here.

One more Raw match on May 3, 2004.

Kane vs. Steven Richards

Chokeslam, pin, 37 seconds.

So it’s pretty clear that a change is in order and thankfully that came in the form of JBL being a jerk and attacking Blue Meanie for real at One Night Stand 2005. The result was the BWO getting a PPV match at Great American Bash 2005.

Mexicools vs. BWO

Oh where do I begin. Ok so the Mexicools are Juvy, Psicosis and Super Crazy as really stereotypocal Mexicans (ride lawnmowers, carry rakes etc). The BWO is here because at One Night Stand, JBL legitimately beat up Blue Meanie. WWE gave Meanie a job for like two months so he didn’t sue them. This is their only match of note. The BWO comes out on big wheels for absolutely no apparent reason. American Chopper joke maybe?

Juvy vs. Nova starts us off. Things break down and the BWO takes over. Psicosis finally hits a corkscrew plancha to take over on Nova. Back to Juvy as Nova gets beaten down. He Hulks Up (NWO parody remember…..in 2005) and Cole messes up the BWO’s names. Hot tag brings in Richards who cleans house. Side slam gets two on Psicosis. Everything breaks down and Crazy hits a moonsault onto Richards followed by a guillotine legdrop by Psicosis for the pin.

Rating: F. This was on PPV. Once you get that through your heads, you’ll get why this was a failure.

Richards would be part of the new ECW, including this match on SNME XXXIII.

Sabu vs. Stevie Richards

And here’s your token ECW match that no one will care about. This is an extreme rules match thank goodness. Richards is talented if nothing else. He doesn’t get an entrance though so there we are. Sabu kind of hits a triple jump moonsault but kind of doesn’t which is a good result for him. It’s table time and an Arabian Facebuster later we’re done.

Rating: N/A. Sabu would be gone in a few weeks as Van Dam and he had gotten caught in the car with the pot and the kettle and the dinette set.

Here’s a slightly more competitive match on ECW on Sci-Fi, May 15, 2007.

CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards

Richards is very fired up here and Punk has taped up ribs. Punk fires off some kicks and nails a t-bone suplex for two. Stevie comes back with a knee to the ribs and rips off the tape to kick at the ribs even more. Off to a bow and arrow but Punk floats over and gets two off a jackknife cover. A double stomp to the rips gets two on Punk and we hit the abdominal stretch. Richards misses a charge in the corner and Punk fires off his usual kicks and knees but to the back. A neckbreaker out of the corner gets two and the GTS is good for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would as Richards was thinking out there by going after the injured body part. You would be surprised how many wrestlers would ignore the big taped up ribs and go after an arm or a leg. It’s such a basic idea and that’s all you need to do a lot of the time.

Richards would jump to TNA as a doctor (don’t ask), starting at Victory Road 2009.

Abyss vs. Stevie Richards

I’m in awe of how stupid this angle and character is but whatever. Abyss has just started wearing his current entrance attire that makes him look like a homeless man. Stevie has some kind of pipe or something and beats on Abyss with it. They continue to confuse me by calling him Stevie Richards and acknowledge his background in wrestling.

I’m not even going to rant about how stupid that is but whatever. Again we’re told how great Abyss can be. And again we ignore that he’s a former world champion. Are they ashamed of that or something? They say AJ is a former world champion here even though he had only won NWA Titles at this point. I really hate that clapping Abyss does.

It’s stupid when Christian does it but it’s just freaking idiotic when Abyss does it. We head into the crowd so we can kill off some time to go along with the brain cells. Seriously, what is the appeal of the monster being all child-like? Is that supposed to be interesting or funny or something? I’d assume it’s based off of being ironic or something but in order for irony to work it needs to be interesting which this just flat out isn’t.

Since it’s TNA, of course Stevie starts bleeding. That’s a real problem with TNA today: they think blood makes a match better. Blood can help a match, but only when it’s done both in moderation as well as properly. TNA has a real issue with it as they do it so often that it loses all effectiveness. The fans are insane and rather annoying here, wanting Stevie to get hurt more and more.

Somewhere a man named Lee is crying. And now it’s chair time because we need to kill off more time in this match. Just like the previous match, this is a glorified squash. He pulls Stevie up after two from Shock Treatment. Daffney brings Stevie a stun gun that he’s used lately. Instead he runs into a Black Hole Slam. He uses the tazer on him and smoke comes out of it. There’s the pin and I need a stiff drink.

Rating: D. This was even worse than the previous match as this one was even more of a squash. It was about 95% Abyss dominance which isn’t interesting at all. Then again neither of these guys are interesting characters so that likely has a lot to do with it. Richards as a doctor never quite worked.

Time for an ECW reunion show at Hardcore Justice 2010.

PJ Polaco vs. Stevie Richards

Richards has the BWO with them despite not being Big Stevie Cool here. The fans chant Polaco’s name (Justin Credible which I’ll be referring to him as) and then Stevie Richards. The fans want blood and an hour (almost) into it we haven’t had any. Justin hits a jumping spinning DDT which was one of his signature moves back in the day at least.

The fake Meanie is one of the Phi Delta Slam guys if anyone remembers them. He’s a security guard at times too. The matches here aren’t completely awful but this comes off as so low rent that it just can’t be taken seriously. And remember, this is TNA’s PPV offering this month. It’s not like the real PPV is next week or anything. This is it for August.

And That’s Incredible ends….nothing as Nova jumps up. Stevie Kick ends this in something that would NEVER have happened in the original company. The lights go out and Sandman is here to no music at all. White Russian Leg Sweep and Justin is back up before like a second. Cane shots put him down again.

Rating: D+. Not too bad here but the booking was just bad. I know Justin is crap but he was world champion for five months in the old days while Stevie was billed as a clueless putz. This didn’t work that well but it could have been FAR worse. Keep in mind that these grades are on an adjusted scale here as most of these would be fails or worse.

One final match at Bound For Glory 2010 with Richards as part of EV 2.0.

Fourtune vs. EV 2.0

This is a one ring WarGames match. A man from each team starts and after a set amount of time (5 minutes I think) there’s a coin toss and another guy comes in from the winning team. That goes on for two minutes then a guy from the losing team comes in. Two more minutes of that and then the winning team gets the advantage again. Alternate until all 8 are in and then we lower the roof, complete with weapons. No pins or submissions until everyone is in.

EV has Dreamer, Sabu, Rhyno, Richards and Raven. Yeah ten people in there great. Foley is with them. Flair brings out AJ, Storm, Roode, Kaz and Morgan. Fourtune has the advantage so screw the coin flip idea. Flair is in an undershirt. Oh dear.

The old guys go at it before the match starts and we try to figure out who starts the match. Kaz and Richards to start. Again Taz wants to say ECW and can’t do it. Kaz beats the heck out of him to start. And he continues doing so. Well that’s what you get for sending in Richards as your leadoff man.

Stevie gets a Downward Spiral into a modified Koji Clutch but AJ comes in seconds later to make it 2-1. Richards is of course in WAY over his head and gets destroyed. Figure four on Richards and he’s almost dead. Dreamer is in next. How in the world is this guy feuding with AJ Styles?

Dreamer spits mist or something at AJ as Richards gets back into it. All of Fourtune is in blue which is a cool idea I guess. Roode goes in third as this is going to take awhile to just get everyone in. Flair punches Dreamer through the camera hole. I love that thing as it gives you far better shots.

Sabu comes in and hooks a seated crossface chickenwing on AJ which we’ll call a camel clutch for fun I guess. This is REALLY slow now with EV controlling. Dreamer is bleeding fairly badly. Storm is in so it’ll be Morgan and Raven or Rhyno in last. Storm turns the tide and we get BEER MONEY!

With nothing left in the other minute here’s Raven who looks stupid with blonde hair. He cleans some house and shoves a snot rag in someone’s face. Ah ok it was Roode. Dreamer gets his crotch stepped on for fun. Dude seriously, Raven is your hot tag in essence? Roode is busted open.

Sabu is busted too. Morgan comes in as the final member of Fourtune. He drills Richards and drills Sabu back first into the cage. Dreamer takes the elbows in the corner as the advantage does the same thing it’s done the whole time so far. Raven is bleeding too so every member of EV who is in the match is busted.

Big Gore to Storm and here comes the roof. This is where the advantage is supposed to come for EV I guess. Flair and Foley get into it of course as is their custom. EV takes over and there are bigger weapons on top of the cage such as a table, a ladder and something else that I can’t make out.

Raven and Morgan beat the tar out of each other as EV is mostly in control. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint and misses, hitting the door which doesn’t move at all. Kaz gets drilled into the door and there it goes. Richards and Kaz go up and we set up the ladder up there. This always scared the living heck out of me.

Sabu dives through the door to take out Morgan and maybe Storm. Richards sets up the table on top of the cage and Kaz goes up the ladder and here’s Kendrick on top of the cage too. Kaz goes through the table and Kendrick appears to be meditating or something. In the ring Dreamer drills AJ in the leg and drops him on a chair, winning the match. Yes, EV won the match and everything seems to be fine with it. WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE.

Rating: D+. Not much here as there were a lot of very slow spots. Also the Kendrick thing just did nothing for it. The weapons were ok but the ending felt kind of tacked on. This never got to the level that they wanted it to get to and that hurt it a lot. This was one of the weaker matches they’ve done with this gimmick and I think a lot of that is due to the participants. Oh yeah. DID I MENTION EV 2.0 JUST FREAKING BEAT FOURTUNE and that TOMMY DREAMER PINNED AJ FREAKING STYLES??? And people wonder why this company can’t be taken seriously.

I’m going to wrap it up there because I don’t think I can manage to sit through Stevie Richards as champion of an ECW tribute promotion. Richards is a guy whose athletic abilities are underrated but his comedy stuff more than makes up for it. He’s a talented guy and found his niche as a goofy lackey to someone like Raven. The guy is good and nailed the role he was given most of the time.

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