Monday Night Raw
Date: November 14, 2005
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles

This is the Eddie Guerrero Tribute Show. Eddie passed away I think the previous day in his hotel room, making this obviously not a normal show. It’s an often requested show so I more or less had to do it at some point. The matches mean nothing of course and it’s not like the guys’ heads are on straight. I’ve heard it’s good, so let’s get to it.

Before I get started, I probably should give my thoughts on Eddie as a whole. I never was huge on him. I think he’s a great wrestler and had exceptional talent, but he wasn’t the guy that I saw as this legend that so many people claim him to be. It also strikes me as very ironic that after he passed away he was all of a sudden this tragic figure that was so inspirational to everyone, despite no one seeming to say that while he was alive.

I do not like the way his legacy was exploited in storylines later. I stand by what I say that Eddie Guerrero won the 06 Rumble and beat Orton and Angle in the world title match at Wrestlemania. Rey got his push off the back of Eddie and I can’t stand that at all. I’m not saying it was Rey’s fault, but I’ve never been able to stand the push that he got as well as the constant referencing Eddie when he has nothing to do with the stories. Anyway in short he’s a great wrestler, but not one of the greats. Let’s get to it.

We open with the entire roster standing on the stage to a big Eddie chant. Vince stands in front of them and says that he passed away so tonight we’re going to celebrate his life and career. Everyone is clearly sad but they’re not as shaken up as they probably had been before. Vince asks everyone to stand in silence as they ring the bell ten times which is kind of hard to watch.

There’s a video tribute to Eddie, set to Johnny Cash’s Hurt. Good stuff. Back in the arena Vince says Viva La Raza. BIG Thank You Eddie chant.

We begin the sitting down tributes from the guys, the first being Cena. He talks about how passionate Eddie was and how he mentored Cena as he started here.

First clip is Eddie spraying Big Show with sewage on Smackdown.

Big Show/Kane vs. MNM

The difference in Show’s weight then as compared to now is striking. He is FAT here. He’s still big today but he doesn’t look like he’s retaining water. I probably shouldn’t notice this here but Lillian is smoking in that little black dress. Both teams are tag champions on their respective shows with Show/Kane being on Raw. Show vs. Nitro starts us off and we unleash the chops.

Kane goes up for the clothesline but the two M’s take care of the big friend freak and Nitro gets a shot in to Kane with a belt to get two. MNM can’t suplex Kane so he throws them around instead. Off to Show and the beating begins again. Show massacres them as Melina gets up on the apron. She gets a kiss and Mercury gets the Kane clothesline. Double chokeslam ENDS Nitro for the pin.

Rating: C-. If I didn’t mention this before, the ratings here aren’t ones that should be taken seriously. The guys aren’t really thinking clearly probably and the matches aren’t going to mean anything in the long run. MNM would get better but their successors, Miz and Morrison would work better. This was ok for a semi-squash though.

Lillian tells a story about being in Eddie’s group in Iraq last year. She speaks some Spanish, saying she’ll see him again someday.

We get a clip of Eddie talking about auctioning off a bunch of Kurt’s stuff which is similar to the way Cryme Tyme would sell stuff off. Funny bit.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Kurt Angle

This works. Angle is in the black tonight so you can tell he’s being serious. Angle takes a quick knee to pray a bit before we start. Angle takes him to the mat almost immediately so Shelton starts using the ropes to his advantage and we have a standoff. I love watching Angle hit belly to bellies. Angle gets a chinlock and calls some spots a bit too loudly.

Benjamin counters a suplex and hooks a DDT to put both guys down. It’s so odd to hear Joey talking about Kurt Angle for some reason. We crank it up a bit but Shelton breaks out a Samoan Drop of all things but he can’t get the T-Bone. Dragon Whip works instead for a close two. Running corner suplex is blocked and Benjamin gets a HUGE clothesline off the top for two.

Angle is like boy I’m Kurt Angle and busts out the Germans and the Angle Slam for only two of course. Shelton blocks a moonsault and hits a release German off the top! SICK bump there. Somehow it only gets two and as Shelton complains about the count Angle grabs the ankle and gets the grapevine. Since Shelton isn’t the Undertaker, that ends this solid match.

Rating: B-. I really liked this actually. Shelton was the MAN in 2005, more than holding his own by just showing off how awesome he was against far better wrestlers than himself. This was another good match where his inexperience caught up with him but was still pretty freaking sweet. Good match and a lot of fun on a hard show to get through.

I wasn’t kidding on the hard to get through part as this has taken me nearly two days to get this far. Angle holds up the armband with EG on it and is having trouble holding it together.

Shawn talks about how he never wrestled Eddie but has a connection with Eddie as both men were born again Christians. Good little speech here and rather touching. Unless you’re Gregory Helms I guess.

Clips from the Lie Cheat and Steal vignettes which were absolutely hilarious and were actually the parts of Smackdown I was looking forward to most for a few months. It’s so weird to see Vickie as a decent looking woman with red/blonde hair.

Chavo does what is probably the hardest talk of his life as he talks about growing up with Eddie as a brother rather than as his uncle. They were only three years apart so they grew up more or less as brothers. We get a cool story of them wrestling in Chavo Sr.’s promotion in El Paso when they were kids. This is clipped as I’d definitely assume he talked about this for a long time and you know they wouldn’t tell him to wrap it up. This was again hard to sit through.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio

This should be awesome as well. This is the older version of Rey’s song which is kind of weird to hear now. The new one is way better. Of course they speed things WAY up and neither guy can get an advantage. Coach talks about how tonight the titles and rivalries and brands have been put aside which for once isn’t cheesy as this stuff really does come off as they want to perform in Eddie’s name which is cool to see.

Joey makes a good point: how often do you see Shawn as the bigger and slower guy in a match? Shawn catapults Rey over the top but he hangs on and gets a springboard seated senton for two which Joey calls a Thesz Press for some reason. Shawn avoids a pair of 619s but gets caught with a Pescado as we take a break.

Back with Shawn holding a sleeper. We see a clip of him hitting a spinning neckbreaker during the break. I always like when guys break out random basic moves like those. It’s not like everyone knows five moves and that’s it. Heck even Cena knows six. Shawn controls for the most part here which is weird to see. Shawn beats on him a bit and works Rey’s back.

Rey speeds things up a bit and kicks Shawn in the legs and gets some dropkicks for two. Shawn hits the flying forearm and both guys are down. Coach predicts a nip up. Hey what do you know as he was right. 619 is avoided and a clothesline gets two for Shawn. He liked it I guess so he hits another and Rey is down again. The elbow hits but the Chin Music does not. In a VERY surprising twist, Rey gets a headscissors, hits the 619 and drops the dime on Shawn for the clean pin. WOW.

Rating: B-. Keep in mind that Rey wasn’t a world champion guy at this point so this would be like Kingston pinning Edge clean. It would be a huge win for him which wouldn’t be remembered soon after this due to it being a special night. Still though, this would be a good match either way and the whole thing worked. Something similar would happen the next night as Chavo beat JBL which there wasn’t a thing wrong with at all.

Batista talks about Eddie helping him through a lot of problems including some personal problems. Eddie was in a lot of pain but would go out there every night for the fans and entertain them as well as he could.

Another Eddie video to Hurt which might be the same one from earlier. Yeah it’s the same one.

Diva Battle Royal

Ashley, Maria, Christy, Victoria, Melina, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Candace Michelle, Trish Stratus

Mickie was still psycho at this point and didn’t have her usual personality here. Trish is Women’s Champion here and they’re all in Eddie shirts. All the shirts come off at once in one of the best parts of the night. Everyone pairs off except for I think that’s Maria. Sweet goodness how hot was Christy?

Mickie gets a sweet headscissors to show off her sweeter thong but goes out as a result. As does Jillian. Maria is kind of standing off to the side and stealing shots when she can. Ashley goes out by Victoria and Candace. Victoria and Melina try to take out Trish but runs into the Matrish which is awesome. Candace punches Christy to the floor.

We’re down to Victoria, Trish, Maria, Melina and Candace. Trish gets the headscissors to put Candace out. Maria sneaks up on Victoria to put her out. She’s the ditzy chick here so this is surprising. Melina and Trish look at her and throw her out with ease. Stratusfaction is blocked and Melina shoves her out for the surprising win.

Rating: C. Hard to grade again but the girls were rather hot and this was the only storyline thing they did all night which I can certainly live with. They were trying to find someone for Trish to feud with while Mickie got ready so there wasn’t much going on here at all. Hot girls though so no complaints on that end.

Rey talks about missing Eddie as he is clearly not sure what to say at first but it starts coming out. His is clipped a bit also as there’s also the possibility that they said something personal that they don’t want airing on national TV. Totally understandable if that’s the case. He stops talking for awhile and says that everyone is going to miss Eddie and his presence. Rey has to keep pausing during this as he can’t keep talking.

We see one of Eddie’s biggest moments as he and Benoit hugged with both of them as world champions to end Wrestlemania 20. That was a huge moment in retrospect as the smaller and “less marketable” stars were at the top of the company and were completely accepted as the top guys on the roster. Really an amazing moments and the peaks of both of their careers.

Simon Dean vs. Eugene

Dean is the fitness guy played by Nova. This is a comedy match if you didn’t get that. They get in a pushup contest and Eugene does his JYD headbutts. Back in the ring after a brief skirmish on the floor. Dean hits a chinlock and Eugene Hulks Up and hits an Airplane Spin. Dean accidentally slingshots himself into the buckle with his stretch bands and a Rock Bottom ends this. No rating but this was rather funny at times and you can’t complain for a second about a match like this on a show like this.

Chris Benoit talks and this is the big one here for the most part as these two were more or less inseparable throughout their mainstream careers. Benoit talks about being able to pour his heart out to Eddie and get help whenever he needed it from him. Benoit talks directly to Eddie and breaks down in tears that are bordering on wailing. The emotion here is real as allegedly the diaries found at Benoit’s murder scene were filled with writing about how he missed Eddie so much. It’s so….so…..I’m not sure what the right word is to think that you might have just seen the moment that sent Benoit beyond the point of return.

HHH talks about how great Eddie was in the ring and how great of a performer he was. He talks about how Eddie overcame his demons and beat every single one of them which from what I’ve heard was completely true and that he had been clean and sober for four years when he passed away which is a very good thing to hear.

Ric Flair vs. William Regal

Flair is the Intercontinental Champion here but this is of course non-title. This is a very old school style match with Flair hooking an abdominal stretch and cheating. This is less of a match and more of a how to have a Ric Flair match. Regal unlaces Flair’s boot which is a new one for me I think. Regal hammers away for a bit and sends Flair to the floor. And never mind as Flair gets some chops and goes for the knee as the Figure Four ends it with relative ease. No rating here as it was little more than a long practice for Flair.

Stephanie talks about first meeting Eddie when Eddie was thinking about making the jump to WWF. Eddie was apparently very humble which is a recurring line tonight. She talks about talking to Eddie on Friday where he talked about winning the title again. Allegedly, and I’ve never heard this confirmed for sure, Eddie was supposed to win the title on the upcoming Smackdown as Batista was injured. Supposedly Stephanie confirmed that here but I didn’t hear that from her here.

We get some more Eddie stuff including him accidentally winning the IC Title (in Lexington) which was one of the oddest title changes ever but it worked perfectly in a weird wrestling way.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena is world champion. Orton actually wears his own shirt here which is a first tonight I think. Cena wrestles in the shirt which is a nice little touch. Since there is zero point to this being a real match it’s an extended highlight reel from these two. It doesn’t even break four minutes as Cena cranks things up and then Bob Orton runs in for the DQ to break up the FU. No rating again as about ¼ was chinlock. Cena gets the FU anyway. In a classy move Cena takes off his shirt and leaves it and the title on the mat to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This was a very fine show tribute aside. There were some very good matches, but again that’s not something that mattered here. This was about a show in memory of a great wrestler that suddenly passed away. I do have issues with Eddie’s death as it was brought on by years of substance abuse, but the fact that he got clean means a lot and is a great story indeed.

This was a very good show, but again it’s hard to sit through until I just rammed through it one night. It got to me, which isn’t something that happens often. The wrestling was good and having the comedy match on there was a nice touch as comedy was a big part of Eddie’s style at various times. He was indeed great and this was a very well done tribute to him as it felt genuine rather than something thrown together. Well done and a very good show, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it unless you can take some hard emotions along with it.

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Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Well as usual, a lot has changed around here since last time. Brock is a monster again, Goldberg is Raw Champion, Vince is back and fighting the Undertaker, and it’s Austin vs. Bischoff having surrogate teams fight for control of Raw. This is a big change of pace from last year and hopefully it’s a bit better as well. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about surviving. There’s an original concept.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, Hardcore Holly, John Cena, Bradshaw, Chris Benoit

Brock Lesnar, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan, Big Show, A-Train

Cena does a rap before the match about how big the other team is. This is one of Morgan’s few matches in WWE. From what I can find, he had 18 total matches, one of which was over a year after his previous one. Holly is here because Lesnar broke his neck and now Holly wants revenge. This would result in Hardcore Holly actually getting a world title match at the Rumble. Show is US Champion here.

Holly jumps Lesnar during his entrance and tries to put him into a full nelson, earning himself a DQ before the match ever starts. Back in the ring, Bradshaw and A-Train start things off with Bradshaw blocking a Vader Bomb and hitting the Clothesline for the elimination to tie us up. Bradshaw charges into a chokeslam from Show and is out 20 seconds later.

Cena comes in but can’t FU Show yet. Off to Brock but Cena takes his knee out. A quick rollup gets two and Cena does the same thing again. Off to Morgan who isn’t quite as polished as Lesnar. A side slam puts Cena down and it’s already off to Jones. Jones does some very basic choking and it’s back to Brock. Cena hits the Throwback on Brock and there’s the tag to Benoit (notice the pop).

Benoit pounds on Lesnar in the corner but it’s back to Big Show and there’s only so much Show can do with him. Show lifts Benoit into the air and drops him on his face while talking trash to Angle. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface but Brock (who is Smackdown Champion here) makes the save. Show puts on an abdominal stretch of all things followed by the standing legdrop for two.

Angle gets a tag but the referee doesn’t see it. Back to Morgan for some skilled standing on Benoit’s throat. Benoit speeds things up and takes out Morgan’s knee before tagging in Angle. Kurt immediately rolls some Germans on Matt and everything breaks down. Angle Slam eliminates Morgan, the ankle lock eliminates Jones (who would quit in about two weeks and never be seen again) and the F5 takes out Kurt, all in the span of about 25 seconds.

This gets us down to Benoit and Cena vs. Lesnar and Big Show. Lesnar misses a charge in the corner and Benoit goes after the arm like a crazy man. Brock gets Benoit up for the F5 but Benoit counters into the Crossface. Show makes the save so Benoit puts it right back in, only to have Brock make the ropes. The third time though gets a rare tap from Brock as this match is flying by. That more or less makes Benoit the #1 contender.

It’s Benoit and Cena vs. Big Show now as the fans tell Lesnar that he tapped out. Benoit hits a top rope shoulder but can’t put on the Crossface. Cena gets a blind tag and there’s a chokeslam to Benoit. A chain to Show’s head and the FU are enough for the pin. Somehow Cena wouldn’t win the US Title from Show for almost six more months.

Rating: C. Not a great match here but to say it got the fans fired up is the understatement of the year. That FU at the end was the usual jaw dropping moment for Cena and while the rest of the match was pretty forgettable, the crowd is all ready to go now, which is the point of this kind of a match. Angle would turn heel and feud with Eddie soon into the new year.

Vince talks to Shane about how tonight it’s father and son against two brothers which is a somewhat cool idea, but the matches are both likely to suck so it’s hard to care. Shane says he feels sorry for Vince. Vince leaves and runs into Austin and they have a really awkward laugh before Austin stops and glares at Vince. This is one of those moments where it was supposed to be big but came off as weird instead.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

Lita is somewhat recently back after breaking her neck on a TV show and is challenging here. The fans immediately start cheering for Lita and she hits a quick clothesline to take over. Some knees to Molly’s chest sets up a suplex and a nipup by Lita. We head to the floor where Lita is sent into the barricade back first, which gets two for the champ back inside. Off to a chinlock by Molly followed by a dragon sleeper which doesn’t last that long.

Molly sends her into the corner and hits the Muta handspring elbow in one of the only times you’ll hear his name mentioned on WWE TV. Lita kicks Molly away and backflips to the top for a cross body and a two count. A rollup gets the same but Molly sidewalk slams her down for two. Molly tries a rana out of the corner and gets powerbombed down, but the Litasault misses. The Molly Go Round (flipping seated senton) surprisingly only gets two so Molly goes to expose a buckle. After a save is made by Lita, the champ sends her face first into the exposed buckle for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match itself was ok, but man alive Molly wasn’t that interesting to watch. I get that she’s a very technically competent wrestler and could do almost anything pretty well in the ring, but she was a black hole of charisma. Molly was just there most of the time, which doesn’t make for interesting matches at all.

We recap Kane vs. Shane. Kane, being all psycho, tombstoned Linda on the stage one night. Shane stood up for his mama and beat on Kane as much as he could, but it basically turned into a monster movie as Shane did all sorts of things to Kane but Kane just kept coming. Shane got his testicles electrocuted in a semi-famous bit in retaliation. Somehow this set up an ambulance match, which is a casket match but with an ambulance. This is one of those feuds that went on and on for MONTHS, apparently ticking off guys in the back because Shane wasn’t a full time wrestler but he was getting big spots on the card.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Shane immediately knocks him to the floor but Kane sends him into the steps to take him down. Shane gets the steps on top of Kane and pounds him down with a chair. The announce table gets loaded up early and there’s a monitor to the side of Kane’s head. Shane hits the big elbow through the table and both guys are down less than two minutes in. Both guys get up and Shane makes Kane chase him (literally) through the crowd.

They head to the back and we lose the camera feed for a bit. Kane really is stalking Shane like in a slasher movie. Shane gets behind Kane somehow and blasts him with some kendo stick shots. Shane gets in an SUV and backs up into Kane, knocking him into a guard shake. McMahon grabs a walkie-talkie and says send it, so here’s an ambulance. Kane fights off the stretcher and throws Shane into a concrete wall before they head back to the arena.

Shane looks like he’s dead on his feet as Kane punches him. Kane throws him onto the hood of the ambulance, cracking Shane’s head open apparently. Shane sends him into the side of the ambulance and opens the doors, slamming one onto Kane’s head a few times. Kane fights his way out of the back of the ambulance before throwing Shane in, but only one door gets shut.

McMahon comes back with a kind of tornado DDT out of the ambulance and hits Kane with a trashcan. He then puts something big and black between Kane’s legs before climbing on top of the ambulance. Shane goes Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to drive a trashcan into Kane’s face while Kane was laying against the barricade. The big black thing apparently was a box to keep Shane from, you know, dying.

Kane is dead weight now and Shane can’t get him into the ambulance immediately. Kane pulls Shane inside with him before getting all fired (pun intended) up. He rams Shane into the ambulance over and over, tombstones him on the concrete and throws him into the ambulance to win.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible but it went on too long. Thankfully this was the last time Shane was an active wrestler for a few years as he was only good for stuff like this in doses. Kane would go on to feud with, who else, the Undertaker in a few months. There were some good bumps here, but at the end of the day Shane isn’t a wrestler and that was becoming obvious near the end.

Brock says he didn’t lose tonight. Josh Matthews says he tapped out and Lesnar doesn’t want to hear it because he didn’t tap out. Lesnar says line up anybody in the world and he’ll beat them because he’s the WWE Champion. Oh hi Goldberg. Yep, they’re foreshadowing THAT match.

Here’s Coach to waste more time. He’s in a neckbrace due to a 3D on Monday. His doctors assure him that in a few days, he’ll be fine. Coach sees Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, in the front row. Cuban agrees to a quick interview and says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Bischoff. Coach says that’s not happening so he asks Cuban if he prefers WWE or NBA referees. Cuban says they all suck (Cuban is well known in the NBA for being highly critical of referees) and here’s Bischoff to yell at Cuban a bit.

Eric asks Cuban to get in the ring and say whatever Cuban thinks to his face. Cuban gets in the ring and TOWERS over Bischoff, probably a good seven inches or so taller. Bischoff says that he can have security take Cuban out or he can do it himself. Mark shoves Eric down but Randy Orton slides in and RKO’s Cuban, who sells it as well as any celebrity I’ve ever seen. If I remember right, this was actually referenced SIX YEARS LATER when Cuban guest hosted Raw. This was a waste of about seven minutes.

Evolution is having a party in the back with a ton of women. HHH takes his shirt off to drive the girls crazy but Flair says not yet because HHH has to fight later. Orton comes in and panics, stops to flirt with the girls, and then says that he’ll kill the legend of Austin tonight.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Brothers are Doug and Danny, have Shaniqua with them and are defending here. Los Guerreros take over to start as this is apparently about something the Bashams did on Smackdown. What that was isn’t important enough to explain, but apparently it happened. Chavo and I think Danny start things off with Chavo in control. It’s quickly off to Danny who stomps Danny down in the corner and follows up with the Three Amigos.

It’s back to Chavo with a low dropkick for two and it’s right back to Eddie. A Sin Cara-esque headscissors takes both Bashams down but the champs double team Latino Heat to take over. Shaniqua, a big old monster chick that won Tough Enough 2, runs over Eddie on the floor and Doug pounds away on him in the ring. A double slingshot suplex puts Eddie down for two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock by Danny. Eddie fights up and takes Danny down with a headscissors before tagging in Chavo.

Everything breaks down and another double flapjack puts Chavo down. Danny loads up something like a spinebuster off the middle rope but Eddie makes the save before Danny can jump. Eddie gets sent to the floor but Chavo dropkicks Doug down. Danny and Chavo clothesline each other down and the “twins” switch. Eddie takes Shaniqua down and Frog Splashes her. Let’s spank her too because she’s a dominatrix. Chavo hits a tornado DDT on Doug but kicks Eddie in the process. As Chavo checks on him, Danny rolls Chavo up to retain.

Rating: D+. I know the description sounded really dull, but there was nothing here at all. The guys in this match are pretty talented, but the tag division was so dead around this point. The Bashams just weren’t that interesting and there isn’t much else to say about it than that. That was a major problem back in 2003: a lot of the guys were just there and nothing of note, which is a shame as Danny is a legend in OVW but it never translated to WWE.

Los Guerreros glare at each other post match.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff. They had been sharing power and tonight’s match is for full control. Austin is skeptical about trusting anyone and he’s fired if he touches anyone. From what I understand from the video, if Austin’s team wins, he can beat up anyone he wants.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Dudley Boyz

Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Christian, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry

The Dudleys are Raw tag champions and RVD is IC Champion. Team Bischoff hides on the floor and Austin yells at Jericho a bit. Christian and D-Von start things off with the Dudley pounding away. A flying clothesline gets two on Christian and here’s Van Dam who gets the same off a spinwheel kick. Off to Jericho who gets kicked in the face as well, followed by a northern lights suplex for two.

A dropkick puts Van Dam down and here’s Steiner for the same power stuff he’s done for about eight years running now. After making Steiner miss in the corner and hitting a cross body, Van Dam gets caught in an overhead belly to belly suplex. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched, allowing Scott to hit an overhead belly to belly for two. Off to Booker who gets clotheslined down and elbowed for tow.

Booker hits the forearm to take Steiner down and hits the ax kick but it’s a Spinarooni instead of a cover. Everything breaks down and Steiner hooks the Recliner on Booker. Stacy, Steiner’s reluctant manager, cheers for Booker. The distraction breaks the hold and the Dudleys hit the reverse 3D on Steiner and the Bookend gets the elimination. Henry comes in and immediately hits the World’s Strongest Slam to take Booker out and tie things up.

Van Dam comes back in and the kicks to Henry’s legs don’t do much good at all. Bubba gets a blind tag and pounds away on Henry but Mark runs him over. Bubba pounds away but brings in D-Von because it takes both Dudleyz to take Henry down. Henry misses a charge in the corner and walks into the 3D, allowing Van Dam to hit the Five Star. The dogpile pin is allowed and Henry is out.

It’s Jericho vs. Van Dam now with Rob sending Jericho into the corner for two. Off to Orton who clotheslines Van Dam down hard for two. RVD comes back with the springboard kick to the face but Jericho breaks up the Five Star, knocking Rob into the RKO for the elimination. Off to D-Von for a flapjack and a legdrop for two. A top rope headbutt gets two on Orton so it’s off to Jericho.

Chris’ missile dropkick puts D-Von down but Bubba breaks up the pin. Jericho is all cool with that though and hits the Flashback (sleeper drop) for the pin and elimination. It’s Bubba and Shawn vs. Jericho, Christian and Orton. Here’s Shawn for the first time and house is quickly cleaned, but that little dust bunny known as Chris Jericho takes him down. Off to Orton again who gets in a few shots before getting clotheslined.

There’s the not hot tag to Bubba who beats up all three Bischites. A flapjack puts Jericho down and a backdrop gets two on Christian. A Samoan Drop puts Orton down and we get heel miscommunication between the Canadians. Jericho breaks up the Bubba Bomb with a low blow and the Unprettier pins Bubba, making it 3-1. Shawn immediately comes in with a forearm to Christian and the nip up as things speed up.

Jericho low bridges Shawn and the double stomp is on outside. Off to Orton as the heels slow things down. Shawn and Christian slug it out but Shawn has to beat up Jericho as well. Christian slingshots Shawn into the post and Michaels is busted open. Back in and Christian suplexes Shawn down before doing the HBK pose. Shawn is covered in blood as Christian shoves him out of the corner….and charges right into Sweet Chin Music for the elimination. That was sweet!

Jericho is all ticked off now and pounds away on Shawn’s forehead but Michaels comes back with a chop in the corner. Shawn can’t follow up though and a clothesline puts him down for two. Shawn comes back with a DDT out of the corner for a delayed two as Orton saves. Shawn throws Orton out to the floor but Jericho’s Lionsault hits knees and Shawn FINALLY gets up. The superkick misses but Shawn rolls Jericho up to counter the Walls and somehow it’s down to Orton vs. Shawn. Jericho, ever the bad sport, clocks Shawn with a chair.

Orton, who is still down from being thrown to the floor somehow, is left against a dead Shawn. Randy crawls back in but can only get two. He goes up but the cross body takes out the referee instead. Shawn loads up the Superkick but Bischoff comes in and kicks him down. Austin finally snaps and beats up Eric before Stunning Orton. Steve goes after Bischoff and throws him up the aisle, but Batista runs in and powerbombs Shawn, giving Orton the academic pin to win the match and send Austin away for at least a good three weeks.

Rating: B. This took A LONG time to get going, but once Shawn was on his own and got to get the crowd behind him completely, it was all gravy. The important thing here was that Shawn basically beat Christian and Jericho through a pair of flukes and not because he Hulked Up or anything like that. He caught Christian charging at him and rolled Jericho up when Jericho’s arms were being used in a hold. Shawn made this match work, as the other members of his team were useless. The guy really is that awesome.

Austin is shocked and goes into the ring where Shawn isn’t moving at all. He helps Michaels up and Shawn says he’s sorry. Austin pulls Shawn up and they shake hands with no Stunner. They walk up the aisle together and leave but Austin’s music plays and he comes out one more time. He says that he started his career 14 years ago right here in Dallas. Austin says if it has to end, he’s glad that it’s ending where it started. He says that you won’t hear him say this much, but he loves the fans.

This brings out Coach to sing the goodbye song and have security take Austin out. Austin of course beats up the guards and Coach as this is going on too long. Austin Stuns Coach and beer is consumed. He leaves the two cans sitting in the ring and flips off the crowd for old times’ sake.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince. Taker keeps trying to win the title but Vince screwed him over at No Mercy against Lesnar. Undertaker says that Vince has to be held accountable for his actions and on Smackdown, Taker won the right to have any match with anyone he picked. He said it was buried alive and Vince loved the idea of getting to see Lesnar bury Taker. Taker said not so fast my friend, because the match is against Vince.

Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon

Taz actually has keys to victory. First: be mentally stable. Second: be confident. Third: AVOID THE HOLE! Did Taz just make me laugh? I don’t know how to handle this. Oh good we have the bell so I don’t have to deal with it. Remember that in this you have to put the other guy in the grave and cover him with dirt to bury him alive. Apparently it’s thirteen years to the day since Taker debuted. Vince kneels in prayer before the match starts.

Taker punches him in the face, drawing blood off a SINGLE PUNCH. He pounds away on Vince as McMahon is just trying to get back up. Vince gets crotched against the post and Taker wraps the leg around the post for fun. The same thing happens on the opposite post and Vince is sent into the announce table. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Taker hits him and says this is for my wife. Yeah this was around the time when Vince said he was going to have someone rape Taker’s wife. You know, because there’s nothing wrong with that.

The beating continues for awhile and Vince hasn’t had a single bit of offense in yet. Vince gets punched up against the barricade and we head back inside. Taker heads to the grave site and gets a shovel which is CRACKED off Vince’s head. This is quite a beating. Taker crushes Vince’s ankle just like he did in 1998. There are PILES of blood on the floor. Taker carries him to the grave but Vince gets in a low blow to FINALLY slow Taker down.

Vince hits him with a shovel and taker falls into the grave. Taker shrugs it off and pulls McMahon down into the hole, but as he goes for the machine to lower the dirt, an explosion goes off. Kane is in the cab and helps Vince out of the grave. Taker is knocked into the grave and Vince lowers the dirt onto Taker to get the shocking win.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring although that first shovel shot was great. Other than that though, there wasn’t enough here to make this match matter. This would be the last time Biker Taker was seen as he would return as the Dead Man at Wrestlemania to, say it with me, feud with Kane. The blood alone prevents this from being a failure.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. Goldie won the title at Unforgiven so HHH put a $100k bounty on his head. Batista returned from an injury and broke Goldberg’s ankle to claim the bounty. This is almost literally the same story that Race and Flair had to set up the first Starrcade, with the main difference being that Race was champion when he set up the bounty. This gets the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Goldberg vs. HHH

Goldberg is defending and has a broken ankle. Doesn’t that mean Batista didn’t take him out/put him on the shelf? With Flair still in the ring, Goldie limps and punches at the same time. There’s a spear to HHH but there’s no count because the bell hasn’t rung yet. Flair gets backdropped and there’s the bell. HHH gets knocked to the floor and the champ is in full control. Goldberg drops him face first onto the barricade and we head back inside.

Goldberg tries to use power but the ankle gives out on him. A chop block takes Goldberg down and we head to the floor for a low blow. Flair sends the leg into the post and is DRENCHED in sweat already. Back in and things slow down even more as HHH does whatever he can as Flair chokes away even more. HHH stays on the knee and the sequence keeps going on and on and on. That was the problem with HHH matches: they were the same boring formula over and over and it never worked.

HHH puts on a half crab but Goldberg is in the ropes. The ankle gets bent around the post as this is getting even more boring. Goldberg comes out of the corner with a clothesline but a powerslam is too much for him here. Goldberg kicks HHH into the referee and Flair throws in some brass knuckles to knock Goldberg out cold. That only gets two and HHH is ANGRY, so he drops an elbow on the referee.

It’s sledgehammer time but HHH charges into a boot. Flair gets slammed off the top and Goldie has the hammer. He takes Flair out with it but as he goes for HHH, Batista and Orton run in, only to be knocked out with the hammer as well. The Pedigree is countered and Goldberg throws down the hammer. The spear and the Jackhammer retain the title.

Rating: D+. Well the match sucked, but you certainly can’t say HHH didn’t put Goldberg over huge here. This is where the good parts of the match end. As for the bad: Goldberg wouldn’t sell the leg once the big insane part started, the match sucked, and HHH won the title a month later at Armageddon in a three way match, with Goldberg moving on to feud with Lesnar after this. Not a good match here but that was typical of HHH around this time.

Overall Rating: D+. This is from a bad time in the company as HHH was still on top but there were other things that were far more interesting. For instance, the Austin thing DEFINITELY should have closed this show as Shawn is the only thing that was really good on the whole card. On top of that, the main problem here is that other than the Shawn match, there’s no heart to this show. It comes, it goes, nothing really feels like it matters. That would be the case until Cena and Batista rose up to breathe new life into the company.

Ratings Comparison

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Original: B-

Redo: C

Molly Holly vs. Lita

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

Original: D

Redo: D+

Team Bischoff vs. Team Austin

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Goldberg vs. HHH

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

This matches up pretty well: most of the matches were about the same but a few were lower this time, as was the overall rating.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2003-austin-vs-bischoff/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

I’m going to Wrestlemania.

Ticket purchased, hotel room reserved.  It’s actually happening.

NXT
Date: November 13, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Tensai, William Regal

I’m pretty sure this is the last of the taping cycle, meaning we’ll get our bigger names back next week. That being said, the last few weeks haven’t been horrible at all and tonight’s main event is a 2/3 falls match between Adrian Neville and Corey Graves which has been a decent little feud. Let’s get to it.

Welcome Home.

Bayley/Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks/Summer Rae

Bayley offers Sasha a headband to start the match but Summer takes it away and throws it down. Charlotte comes in before there’s any contact to shoe Sasha down. Off to a hammerlock on Banks with some knees into the arms getting a two count. Bayley comes back in but gets driven into the corner for a tag off to Summer. A fireman’s carry takes Rae down but she pops back up and takes Bayley’s head off with a clothesline for two.

We take a break and come back with Sasha holding Bayley in a chinlock. Back to Summer for some choking on the ropes before putting on a full nelson with her legs. That’s rather awesome and painful looking at the same time. Bayley rolls away but gets dragged back to the corner for a tag to Banks. Charlotte really doesn’t seem interested in making a tag. Bayley grabs Sasha for a belly to back front slam and crawls over to Charlotte….who slaps her in the face. The flipping cutter allows Sasha to get the pin at 6:24 shown of 9:54.

Rating: C. This was much more about the story than the match and that’s just fine. This looks to be an actual second story in the Divas division which is unheard of in the current WWE version. Also, it says a lot that Charlotte has been wrestling for a few months now and would probably be better than about half the WWF Divas.

Aiden English is warming up his voice.

Camacho vs. Aiden English

Camacho still has a job??? English gets a huge pop and sings about how all of the fans adore him. Regal admits his man crush on English as Aiden takes him into the corner for some stomping. Camacho comes back with a slam for two but runs into an elbow in the corner. English begs off but gets caught in a belly to back suplex and a legdrop crushes the vocal chords. Not that it matters as English comes back with the Director’s Cut for the pin at 2:09.

English gives us an encore to the loudest pop of the night. Regal gives him a standing ovation and starts crying.

The blonde talks to Rusev in I’m assuming Bulgarian.

Danny Burch vs. Mason Ryan

Burch jumps him from behind to start and uppercuts Ryan into the corner. Mason comes back with a running clothesline and some headbutts but Burch punches him down again. Mason will have none of this selling though and the cobra clutch slam ends Burch at 2:35. Ryan just isn’t that good.

Bo Dallas is coming home next week. So the theme song has been about him all these months?

Corey Graves vs. Adrian Neville

2/3 falls here. Neville hits a quick dropkick for two but walks into an elbow to the jaw to put him down. A belly to back suplex gets a near fall on Neville but he comes back with some forearms of his own. Adrian gets two off a side roll before flipping forward twice and jumping to the apron. He kicks Graves in the head to put him down and the Red Arrow gives him the first fall at 2:11.

Graves gets to his feet but rolls to the floor for a breather. Adrian will have none of that and goes outside for some chops and a knee lift. Back inside and Neville loads up another Red Arrow but Corey rolls away before Adrian can jump. Graves shakes the ropes to send Adrian to the floor, possibly reinjuring the bad knee. Corey takes him back inside to pound on the knee and we take a break.

Back with Graves pounding on the chest for two before wrapping the bad leg around the post. Off to a half crab for a very long time until Adrian kicks him off. Graves chop blocks him down and puts on Lucky 13 for the second fall at 8:11 shown of 10:56 shown so far. Neville’s knee is barely functioning as he tries to pull himself up in the corner but he uses the good leg to stop a charging Graves.

Graves fires back with some shoulders in the corner but Neville escapes I think a spinebuster and hits a low kick to the head to send Graves to the floor. Back in and Neville chops away and pounds on Corey in the corner until the knee gives out. Corey loads up another chop block but Neville hits a low dropkick to the head for two in a nice counter. Neville tries the Red Arrow again but the knee gives out and he falls to the mat. Lucky 13 goes on again but he crawls to the ropes on his knuckles for the break. Graves loads up the hold again but gets small packaged for the third fall at 13:01 shown of 15:46.

Rating: B-. I liked the match but it never hit the level it was shooting for. That being said, it’s still a very solid match with a good story of Neville not quitting and winning when Graves went to the knee over and over again. I love how NXT has managed to make the 2/3 falls match a major gimmick match as it’s treated like a joke on Raw anymore.

Overall Rating: C+. Decent show here but it’ll be nice to have the big stars back. The problem here is that while the wrestling is good, the stories behind it aren’t all that strong. While wrestling is important, it’s almost always going to pale in comparison to the intrigue and stories being told in the feuds. Still though, good and entertaining show to close out the cycle.

Results

Summer Rae/Sasha Banks b. Charlotte/Bayley – Banks pinned Bayley after a flipping cutter from Charlotte

Aiden English b. Camacho – Director’s Cut

Mason Ryan b. Danny Burch – Cobra clutch slam

Adrian Neville b. Corey Graves – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we’ve got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it’s the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can’t complain much about this.

They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.

Cena vs. Punk tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there’s seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who’s counting?

Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There’s the Elevated DDT and here’s Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn’t that quite a stretch?

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I can’t stand rating due to how short it is. I usually only rate matches that run three minutes or more, so this barely qualifies as a ratable match. It’s your standard preview for the Survivor Series match, which means it’s not that good. Ziggler has to lose again of course though.

Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it’s a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it’s back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it’s off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.

Rating: C. Better match than the first one, but did they really have to do THE EXACT SAME FINISH in the span of ten minutes? Are they that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with anything else? This was nothing of note until the end where things sped up, but most of the match was in the commercial so what is there for me to grade anyway?

Orton stares at Del Rio because there’s no end to this feud in sight because that’s how WWE works anymore.

Post break here’s Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they’re every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.

Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn’t do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits….that they’re just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.

I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That’s the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren’t even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.

A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena’s phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN’T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.

Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.

Post break it’s MORE CENA AND AJ! They’re in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there’s nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.

We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.

William Regal vs. Big Show

See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It’s not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it’s a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?

Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It’s one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.

We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that’s a bit much no?

Cole and JR are in the ring and here’s the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn’t sure what to say but he can’t believe he’s really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn’t know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers….and here are Punk and Heyman.

Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he’s glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death….again. It’s ok to boo Punk but you can’t get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that’s in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It’s all Lawler’s fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn’t let it go.

Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he’s been champion. He’s now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he’s pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk’s reign as champion is on life support.

Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It’s time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it’s more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn’t giving this the ok the whole time, you’re an idiot.

Punk played on the crowd’s emotions and the people hate him even more now. That’s called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that’s because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples’ emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it’s almost like Punk is a villain and he’s offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.

Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: “THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” It’s almost like it’s SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there’s one thing wrestling fans know, it’s what they want.

Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn’t fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: “Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack!” Foley says we’ll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.

Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he’s back today. Let’s summarize this quickly. Foley: “You have no respect.” Punk: “I don’t just off roofs.” That takes a few minutes before we’re told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don’t bother saying Cena’s name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!

Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we’re out of options and Punk says to fix it.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico

Lawler is back on commentary officially. It’s Titus vs. Justin to start with O’Neal taking over. There’s the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here’s Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.

Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it’s off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can’t type it all. It’s down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.

Rating: C+. This started slow but once Kidd hit the Blockbuster it went INSANE fast. That’s the kind of things WWE should be doing: fast paced tag matches with the guys that are capable of having fast paced tag matches. Start the show with THIS instead of the long and dull matches you did and things get off on a much better foot.

The WWE still loves the troops!

Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.

Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it’s only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph’s real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.

The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.

R-Truth vs. Tensai

Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn’t been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it’s off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.

Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro’s teeth into his esophagus.

We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.

Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn’t look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.

We recap Maddox’s explanation and Vince’s announcement last week.

We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?

Brad Maddox vs. Ryback

If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There’s an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: “Hey my ride’s here.” What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad’s head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he’s dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to bother rating this one as it was a LONG squash. At the end of the day, there was nothing interesting or surprising here and this is basically the ending of the storyline from HIAC. Why anyone wanted to see this is beyond me, but then again the entire show has been worthless so far.

We’re STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.

David Otunga vs. Sheamus

Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there’s juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.

Post match Sheamus says he’ll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.

Bryan doesn’t like that Kane is having another partner tonight.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???

Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.

The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it’s off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.

Rating: C. This was just a regular tag match which went nowhere. Miz turning face is fine but at the end of the day, he’ll win a few matches then lose a few and no one will be any better off, because that’s how WWE works anymore. I guess we’re passing on the idea of the Scholars being champions anymore as they’ve lost time and time again. Actually scratch that as it means they’ll win soon I’m sure. Oh and of course the guy who is the big surprise turn doesn’t get to be in on the fall or anything like that.

More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.

There’s the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. It’s Cena vs. Punk with more than five minutes. Were you expecting anything bad? They’re making it seem like Punk has no chance in the triple threat, which is a pretty clear indicator that he’s going to retain the belt so he can lose the title to Rock at the Rumble, because WWE actually thinks we’ll buy Punk as having a chance.

Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he’s about to cry in the background.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness Raw sucks anymore. There’s some stuff on here that’s worth checking out, but at the end of the day the first forty minutes are just SO FREAKING DULL that it kills anything good that could come out of the show later on. This PPV is so completely backwards and the show proves it. We sat through Foley vs. Punk and Cena vs. Ziggler here, but neither of those matches are happening on Sunday. They might have an idea where they want to wind up, but it’s clear they have no idea how they plan to get there.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton – Enziguri to Kingston

Big Show b. William Regal – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Layla – Reverse DDT

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico – 450 to Young

R-Truth b. Tensai – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Brad Maddox – Shell Shock

Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – Chokeslam to Rhodes

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Well we’re into the brand split era now and last month on Smackdown’s PPV, we had a Cell match between Taker and Lesnar. Bischoff’s response: the Elimination Chamber. This is one of those shows that ticks me off to no end because of how the booking goes. Other than that, we’ve got a stupid booking decision on Smackdown as well which I don’t think I complained about enough the first time. Let’s get to it.

The theme song is Always by Saliva which is a personal favorite.

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Oh and that’s Bubba and Spike, not D-Von. Spike and Bubba got put through the same table on Raw Monday to set this up. The Dudleys and Jeff clear the ring to start and Spike is thrown into the arms of the Samoans. It’s Bubba vs. Rico in the ring at the moment, because putting Spike and Jeff against Umaga and Rosey is a great idea right? Bubba chops Rico HARD in the corner before things settle down.

What’s Up hits Jamal and we get to the tagging section of the match before everything breaks down again. Bubba tells Jeff to get the tables but Rosey runs over Bubba after Bubba sets up a table in the corner. A BIG backdrop puts Jeff on the floor and Rosey rams Spike’s head into a table. Rosey misses a charge and drives himself through a table in the corner but that doesn’t count because it wasn’t someone else putting him through.

Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.

Rosey and Jeff go out into the crowd and there’s a table out there with them. Jeff is put on said table as Bubba gets kicked in the face by Rico. Jamal misses a splash and crushes Rico, allowing Bubba to Bubba Bomb Jamal and go to save Jeff. With Bubba’s help, Jeff goes up to the top of an entrance and hits a BIG Swanton through Rosey through the table to make it 2-2.

Back in the ring Jamal has Bubba on a table ready for a Rico moonsault, but he looks hesitant to launch. He looks over his shoulder, shouts “C’MON JEFF!” before staggering. THEN Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico crotches himself. Not the best response but that’s on Jeff more than Rico. Bubba tries a belly to back superplex through the table but Jamal moves it away. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind to Jamal and follows it with a dropkick.

Hardy goes to the floor to get another table which he throws at Jamal. Jeff tries to run the railing but Jamal throws the table at Jeff, who goes flying through it. That doesn’t count which I can kind of agree with. Jamal puts Jeff on another table and hits a HUGE splash off the top to eliminate Jeff. That looks awesome. Bubba beats on Rico in the ring but Jamal saves his sideburned buddy. Jamal goes up to try a top rope rana (I guess) on Bubba, only to get caught in a HUGE powerbomb through the table to get us down to one on one.

It’s Rico vs. Bubba with the former pounding away and pulling in another table. Rosey comes back in but Bubba pounds away on him too. Now Jamal is in there too and it’s D-VON to the rescue! He’s on Smackdown at this point so this is a big deal. 3D puts Rico through the table to end this.

Rating: B-. That’s likely high but this was what you want to open a show. It helps a lot that this was a fifteen minute match instead of like six minutes like they are on Raw. This was fun and the pop for the reunion of the Dudleys (which would be permanent) was a feel good moment. Good stuff here and a good choice to open things up, especially in New York City.

Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a miniconcert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.

RVD is stretching before the Chamber.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Jamie is defending and has Nidia with him. Kidman grabs two very fast rollups for two and make that four in the first 30 seconds. Jamie bails to the floor but Kidman throws him right back in. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Kidman gets thrown to the floor and Noble hits a suicide dive. Tazz: “I think Noble has something up his sleeve, but he’s not wearing a shirt so he has no sleeve.”

Back in and Kidman speeds things up with a back elbow and a dropkick followed by an AA into a backbreaker for two. A Falcon’s Arrow gets two for Noble so Kidman hits Tessmacher’s Tesshocker (belly to back suplex position but he slams Noble down face first instead). Kidman loads up the Shooting Star but Noble bails to the floor. That’s fine with Billy so he dives on Noble out there to take the champ down again.

Back in and Nidia distracts Kidman but gets knocked off the apron by Kidman. The BK Bomb (Low Down) gets two for Kidman as does a Tiger Bomb for Noble. They go up top and Kidman hits a sitout inverted DDT. That was pretty awesome looking but it only gets two. Noble hits Orton’s Elevated DDT for two out of the corner so Kidman hits an enziguri to take over again. Billy loads up the Shooting Star but a Nidia distraction….only delays Kidman as he hits the Shooting Star for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. These two got going good and strong at the end which is exactly what you want from a match like this. When you can get into the area of a match where it’s one big move after another and you’re just waiting on one of them to stay down, that’s a great sign. The Shooting Star looked great too. This wasn’t a masterpiece or anything but it was solid.

Angle and Benoit are in the back and Angle is incensed that Kidman could win a title. If he can win, then so can they, as long as Benoit stays out of the captain’s way. Benoit gets in his face but Angle says they should be friends to the end. Benoit offers a handshake but Angle says no way. Angle: “I don’t shake hands! Tag team partners hug!” So HELL NO is ripping off Benoit and Angle?

Victoria, still psycho here, is looking in a mirror. Then she thinks it’s Trish and goes nuts.

We recap Trish vs. Victoria, which is a hardcore match. Victoria is batty and claims that it’s because she and Trish used to work together as fitness models, but Trish slept her way to the top. Tonight it’s about revenge. Why can’t stories today have simple backstories like that? I mean, it’s not that hard to LIE.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending. This is their second PPV match after Trish won last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom (lucky guy) but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a rana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Vicotira off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick (Punk’s high kick) gets two for Trish as does a bulldog. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish with. That and a suplex gets the pin and the title for the nutjob.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Booker is getting ready.

Bischoff brags about the Chamber for a bit. Show comes up and says he’ll show Eric why trading him to Smackdown was a bad idea.

Heyman is worried that Brock can’t beat Big Show. Lesnar has (legit, due to Show hurting him at a house show) bad ribs.

We recap Show vs. Lesnar. Lesnar beat Taker in the Cell last month, so Show beat up Taker to make himself the next challenger. Even Heyman says Brock can’t beat him.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman throws in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this old dude? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

Show and Heyman immediately bail.

We recap the triple threat tag title match. Benoit and Angle beat Rey and Edge in the match of the year at No Mercy in a tournament final. The new champions argued over who is team captain and have to work together or they’re suspended. Edge and Mysterio won the titles on Smackdown in 2/3 falls match. Stephanie threw in Los Guerreros because these six are the Smackdown Six and you can’t have just four of them together, even though we’ve had that for months. Not that I’m complaining though, because this is going to be AWESOME.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a rana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and that’s a tag apparently.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked dude. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the psycho who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Gee I wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws the belt to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to rana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

Here’s Nowitski to make fun of New York in a really stupid promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV world title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.

Shawn says he believes in himself but we get RNN BREAKING NEWS! It’s Randy Orton who has a bad shoulder. He says there’s no new damage to his bad shoulder due to an extra pillow on the plane. This was the WAY over the top deal that Orton was doing which first turned him heel. I loved it but it got annoying fast, which is the right idea.

We recap the Elimination Chamber. HHH is the official WORLD CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING but Shawn beat him at Summerslam and wants a rematch. Bischoff wants to top the Cell so here’s his latest idea. The rules are mostly simple: two guys start and there are four more in individual pods. After five minutes there’s a new guy introduced and it’s elimination rules. The winner is world champion. The other four guys are there because they’re the biggest stars on Raw. This is set to Always again and they’re not even trying to hide that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn.

HHH says that he’s awesome and he’ll keep the title.

Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho is a tag champion, but the cool part here is that as he comes out, Saliva does his theme song live at WWF New York. HHH is defending of course. Shawn’s tights are….brown. This is one of those decisions that no one ever quite got and he was made fun of extensively for them apparently. I mean…..BROWN? Mankind wore brown for crying out loud. The wide show of the Chamber really does look cool. Anyway the entrances take a long time and RVD vs. HHH gets us going.

Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to take HHH down but walks into a facebuster. The Pedigree is countered into a backdrop over the top to hit the cage outside the ring. JR’s statements about the Chamber are already nuts as he says it has no soul or conscience. IT’S A FREAKING CAGE! Anyway, HHH is rammed into the cage over and over to bust him open and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder over the top rope to land on HHH on the cage. Yeah there’s a floor made of cage surrounding the ring that is level with the mat if you’ve somehow never seen one of these.

Van Dam goes up on one of the pods but his flip dive mostly hits the floor instead of HHH. Back in the ring and HHH gets stomped down in the corner as Jericho is added in as the third man. Van Dam immediately kicks him down and it’s five minutes until the next entrant. A cartwheel into a moonsault gets two on Jericho and they head outside the ring as well. In the first famous spot in the Chamber’s history, Van Dam jumps off the top rope, misses Jericho, and grabs onto the cage like Spider-Man before spinning back around to cross body Jericho. That’s still awesome.

HHH gets back up and hits the knee to the face of Van Dam which gives Jericho a two count. HHH and Jericho double team RVD before Chris tells Shawn to suck it. Van Dam’s back gets rammed into the cage wall some more and Jericho talks a lot of trash. Rob’s back goes into the cage over and over and we head back in to the ring. There’s a spin kick to put Jericho down as Booker T is in fourth.

Booker quickly clears the ring and we get a Spinarooni before Van Dam fights Booker one on one. Booker gets in some shots to Rob but walks into the stepover kick to give Van Dam control again. HHH gets back up and takes Van Dam down, only to get caught by the scissors kick from Booker. The next big spot of the match is Van Dam going up to the top of the pod and hitting the Five Star on HHH, with Van Dam’s knee hitting HHH’s throat, severely (and legitimately) injuring HHH’s windpipe. Since HHH can’t get up right now to eliminate Van Dam, Booker hits a missile dropkick to take Van Dam out.

Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth because we don’t quite know if Shawn’s back can handle a full match yet. Kane goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the BULLETPROOF, yes BULLETPROOF I SAY glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber.

JR says the Chamber has no soul or conscience again just to hammer home the point. Kane chokeslams Booker and Jericho adds the Lionsault to take Booker out and get us down to four guys. A Kane suplex gets two on Jericho as we’re waiting on Shawn to come in. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down ala Flair. Jericho missile dropkicks Kane down and here’s HBK.

HHH is down in the corner of course so Shawn can only beat on Kane and Jericho. There’s the forearm to Kane but no nipup, leaving everyone down at the moment. Kane whips Shawn HARD into the corner where Shawn flips upside down. There’s a chokeslam for all three remaining guys not named Kane but instead of covering, Kane loads up a Tombstone on HHH. Shawn superkicks Kane down but he sits up. The Pedigree and Lionsault finally put Kane out and we’re down to three.

Shawn gets double teamed by HHH and Jericho and it’s time for Chris to dance. After being rammed into the cage a few times, Michaels is busted open. Jericho talks more trash and HHH walks around a lot. Shawn tries to fight back but his piledriver on the cage is countered to backdrop his bad back onto the cage again. There’s the Lionsault….for two. You know, the move that put out Booker and Kane earlier? It’s now not enough to put down Shawn when he’s been beaten down and injured on top of having one match in four and a half years.

Shawn comes back with a moonsault press to Jericho for two before putting Jericho in the Walls. HHH finally comes back from getting popcorn or something with a DDT to Shawn. Jericho and HHH finally get in the argument you were expecting and the fight is on. Jericho jumps out of the corner and lands in the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into the Walls. While holding HHH, Shawn kicks Jericho’s head off and it’s down to one on one. If this surprises you, you’re an imbecile.

So it’s Shawn, bloodied and injured and in his second match in four years, against an also injured HHH in the main event at Madison Square Garden. Gosh I’m so glad these two are so selfless. The spinebuster puts Shawn down and HHH backdrops him over the top. Shawn sends HHH into the cage but when Shawn tries to Pedigree HHH on the steel, HHH counters into a slingshot through the cage again. You know, because Shawn would still be alive at this point.

Back in the ring all that gets two and it’s time for the slugout. Seriously, those brown tights are so stupid looking. A facebuster puts Shawn down and it’s another clothesline to put him onto the outside. The Pedigree on the steel is countered into another slingshot into the Chamber wall. Back into the ring and Shawn drops the elbow off the top of the pod. The Superkick is countered into the Pedigree and, say it with me, Shawn kicks out at two. Another Pedigree is countered into a backdrop, followed by the Sweet Chin Music to give Shawn the title.

Rating: D+. I’ve mellowed on this match in the last few years to the point where I’m not mad about it anymore. However, it’s still one of those matches where you look at it and say really. As in REALLY? We’re supposed to buy that Shawn can survive ALL of that and still win the freaking title? You have to keep in mind this isn’t the Shawn who was having the match of the year for like five years running. No one expected him to go on as long as he did. At this point, making it to Wrestlemania would have been impressive.

That’s where this match loses it for me: we’re supposed to buy that Shawn is so great, so amazing, and so tough that he can basically walk off the street and be better than four of the top guys in the business? There comes a point where my suspension of disbelief is cut off and I can’t buy this anymore. We passed that at Summerslam, making this even more ridiculous. This match is also the reason we had to sit through the AWFUL match at Armageddon, where HHH and Shawn got to waste 40 minutes of our time by barely being able to move.

In short, this is way more than I can accept as far as the match being realistic. In wrestling, you have to accept that some stuff is ridiculous. That’s called suspending disbelief. However, there comes a point where that’s not the case any longer. It’s unrealistic in wrestling terms to accept that Shawn can survive all this and win the title. This was pure selfishness from Shawn and HHH, which would get WAY worse in the future. HHH wouldn’t make a new star for over a YEAR when he put Benoit over at Wrestlemania in the same arena.

As for the rest of the match, it’s acceptable, but WAY too long. The Chamber matches need to go about thirty minutes instead of the forty this one went. The last seventeen minutes here, as in the amount of time after Kane is eliminated, are REALLY repetitive and while they had good drama, they needed to be cut. Booker, RVD, Jericho and Kane were all there to fill in spaces and be there for Shawn and HHH to bounce off of. I don’t hate the match, but it really doesn’t work all that well.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show overall is pretty solid actually but the main event is a good sized letdown. The Show/Lesnar stuff I went on about enough, but other than those two things the card is pretty solid. The triple threat tag is good stuff but the No Mercy match is even better. This show is worth checking out, but you won’t be thrilled by the Chamber.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

Redo: B-

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

Redo: B

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B+

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 10, 2003
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on No Way Out, meaning Eric Bischoff is still looking for Steve Austin and we’re still being subjected to Steiner vs. HHH. Evolution is officially around now, meaning the dark days of Raw are now upon us. There’s very little good going on at the moment, meaning this is going to be in for a long episode. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Curt Hennig who died earlier in the day. It’s a shame he had so many substance abuse issues.

We recap Vince’s ultimatum to Eric, giving him 30 days to turn Raw around or Shane McMahon will take his job. Eric’s solution: bring back Steve Austin. He went to Texas to find Austin last week but just found some very strong stereotypes.

Theme song.

Apparently the thirty days are up tonight. How a thirty day countdown can start on a Monday and end another Monday isn’t exactly explained but here’s Eric to open the show. He isn’t sure if Austin will be back at No Way Out or not but Vince might be on the way here to fire him right now. Eric is glad to be back in Hollywood among his own people instead of being stuck in that horrible Texas town from last week. He asks the fans one favor: please let Vince know that they support Eric’s efforts. This turns into a demand but the fans still aren’t pleased.

Eric reminds us that he’s still the boss around here until Vince arrives, so let’s talk to JR a bit. Bischoff demands JR get up and take off his headset so Eric can yell at him over his lack of support for re-signing Austin. It’s all JR’s fault, but JR says maybe it’s because Austin hates Eric’s guts for how he fired Austin from WCW. Eric likes this firing idea and fires JR until Austin signs again.

Evolution arrives.

Christian vs. Test

Christian is Jericho’s buddy so this is a result of Jericho blasting Stacy with a chair a few weeks ago. Test throws Christian around to start and chokes with the boot, only to have Christian rakes the eyes to take over. A boot to the head gets two as Coach comes in to replace JR on commentary. Test comes back with some clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. The first attempt at a big boot misses but Test counters the Unprettier and kicks Christian’s head off for the pin. Nothing match here.

Post match Christian gets in a cheap shot while Test is talking to Stacy. Christian goes after Stacy but Jeff Hardy of all people makes the save, despite teasing a heel turn for awhile now.

JR is on the phone with someone and trying to get hold of Austin.

We look back and Booker and Goldust splitting after losing their tag title shot last week. This continues to make no sense given how hot they were as a team, but nothing made sense on Raw in 2003. Goldust also got electrocuted by Evolution after the loss, turning him into an epileptic.

Booker T vs. D’Lo Brown

Booker dedicates this one to Goldie but Brown’s music cuts him off. Before the match, Teddy Long suggests replacing Goldust with Brown so that the white man can’t keep the man down anymore. Booker pops Brown in the face and pounds away in the corner but can’t hit the ax kick. Brown leg lariats Booker down but the ax kick connects a second later for the pin. Total squash.

Jericho barges into Bischoff’s office and tries to get out of his match with Test. The match isn’t canceled but Jericho gets a match with Jeff Hardy as a bonus.

Jazz vs. Molly Holly

This is Jazz’s first official match back after being out for about nine months. Jazz easily takes her down to start before cranking on the arm. Molly comes back with a quick Japanese armdrag, only to be elbowed in the jaw for two. Jazz hooks a SICK looking submission hold which can best be described as a half Indian deathlock and half reverse Cattle Mutilation.

She has to let it go pretty quickly to prevent from killing Molly but gets two off a butterfly suplex. Molly tries some chops as the idiot fans are calling this boring. That submission hold alone keeps this from being called boring. Jazz’s half crab into an STF gets the submission.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing great but Jazz looked awesome out there. Yeah I actually said that. We never really got a good submission master in the Divas division so this was a nice change of pace. Unfortunately Jazz had the personality of a slug so she never went anywhere.

Jazz beats up Molly again post match with the double chickenwing and another STF.

JR gets a call from Steve. From Oklahoma. Isn’t it amazing how lucky it was to have the cameras there to pick this up RIGHT AFTER A MATCH? I know this is normal for wrestling, but have this kind of stuff pop up in the middle of a match to make it seem realistic for a change.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Jamal (Umaga) slams Rob down to start but Rob takes out the legs and gets two off the standing moonsault. Rob goes up top but gets shoved face first into the barricade, allowing Rico to get in a cheap shot on the floor. Back in and it’s off to Rosey for a splash for two. The match keeps going slowly as Jamal comes back in, only to have Rob backflip out of a belly to back suplex.

A clothesline puts Van Dam back down for two but he ducks another clothesline which takes Rosey down by mistake. Kane gets the hot tag to clean house with all of his usual stuff. Rosey breaks up a chokeslam attempt on Jamal so Kane kicks both of them in the face. Rob comes in as well for his usual stuff and Rolling Thunder gets two on Jamal. Everything breaks down and it’s a chokeslam and Five Star to Jamal for the pin.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches where you can only say it existed. There’s just nothing else going on in this match and it showed badly. I have no idea who thought splitting up the tag titles in 2002 was a good idea but it was clear by this point that there was no way to support them. Hence why they went on for about five more years of course.

Vince arrives and wants to know why JR is in the parking garage.

Here’s Vince in the arena after a break. Vince says he has to make a lot of hard decisions but tonight isn’t one of them. He calls out Bischoff and Chief Morely for the firing, despite it being 22 days since he issued the thirty day warning. Morely isn’t going to be fired immediately, but he has to beat all three Dudleys in a match to keep his job.

That leaves Eric alone with Vince. Bischoff says he hasn’t signed Austin for No Way Out and that’s enough for Vince. Before he can fire Bischoff though, Eric brings out some special lesbians. They’re bisexual lesbians and I suddenly have a throbbing headache. Vince says tonight is about business and fires Bischoff anyway. We even get the goodbye song from the boss and a McMahon strut.

Regal and Storm suck up to Vince in hopes of getting the GM spot. Vince promises to name a new GM tonight.

Chief Morely vs. Dudley Boys

Morely gets a jobber entrance and is in street clothes. Remember that this is a three on one match with Spike teaming with the more famous Dudleys. Spike jumps Morely to start and the beatdown is on quickly. Morely has his shirt ripped open as the fans want tables. Apparently the Dudleys don’t have to tag here. A triple stomping sends Morely to the floor and Bubba throws Spike on top of him for good measure. Morely is sent into the steps a few times including once with Bubba holding them in the air. The Dudley Dog and 3D end this destruction.

Rating: D-. The fans liked it at least but there wasn’t anything else to that. This has been a very story heavy version of Raw and that’s not good in large doses. It helps to have Morely gone due to how annoying he could get, but that still doesn’t really make the show all that entertaining. Nothing to see here, again.

The Dudleys put Morely through a table because they can.

Eric asks JR if he’s heard from Austin but JR says he hasn’t. JR isn’t interested in being friends either.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Batista

Spear, Batista Bomb, pin.

Evolution comes in for the beatdown but Booker comes in for the save. He gets beaten down as well but Scott Steiner makes the real save.

Jeff Hardy and Shawn have a moment in the back after Shawn kicked his head off last week.

Stacy has a new marketing idea for Test: GGW. Yes it’s Girls Gone Wild.

Bischoff is cleaning out his office when the Dudleys come in to sing the Goodbye Song again. He’s staying isn’t he?

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

This HAS to get some time right? Jericho takes him down with a headlock to start but Jeff fights up with some right hands to the head. A headscissors gets two on Chris but Jericho throws him out to the floor. Jericho does the Hogan hand to the ear but misses a springboard dive, allowing Jeff to score with a not great looking Asai Moonsault. A whip into the steps gets two for Hardy and he dropkicks Jericho out of the air to keep control.

Hardy loads up the Swanton but Jericho sends the referee into the ropes to crotch Jeff. This match isn’t flowing well at all but it’s not terrible. Jericho goes up top for a butterfly superplex but Jeff is up at two again. Hardy gets his back bent over Jericho’s knee but he rolls up Jericho to block the Walls for two. A clothesline puts Hardy down again though and Jericho chokes on the ropes. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Hardy avoids a charge to send Chris’ shoulder into the post.

The Twist of Fate gets two but the crowd is just gone. Back up again and Jericho pounds away in the corner but gets caught by the Whisper in the Wind for two. Jericho takes out the legs and puts on the Walls but Hardy quickly makes the rope. Chris goes up top, only to have Jeff run the ropes ala Kurt Angle into a belly to belly suplex. The Swanton gets two due to a foot on the ropes but Hardy’s hurricanrana is countered into the Walls for the submission.

Rating: C. The match was ok but there was no spirit to it. It’s like they were just going through moves instead of having a match if that makes sense. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but Hardy looked like he was just out there to fill in a spot on the card instead of doing anything great.

Vince tells Evolution he’s about to name the new GM. He also makes HHH/Batista vs. Booker T/Scott Steiner for next week. Anyone ever notice we almost never get a match advertised for the next week’s show anymore?

Here’s Vince for the announcement. Lawler: “Pick me!” Instead Vince brings out JR….but he’s not the GM. Bischoff follows him out as JR is guaranteeing Vince that Austin will be here. Since Austin is coming back, JR can come back too, meaning he’s rehired. Bischoff and Morely get to keep their jobs too, making tonight ENTIRELY POINTLESS. Oh wait Vince says Eric has to join his special club so there go the pant. He makes it do tricks but Bischoff refuses. Therefore, Vince makes Bischoff vs. Austin for No Way Out to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This might have been the least important show I can remember in my entire career of reviewing these things. We spent the entire night building up an angle, only to have the whole thing be rendered pointless at the end. On top of that, the matches SUCKED and nothing of note happened as a result of any of them. Horrible show with no redeeming value at all.

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NXT
Date: November 9, 2011
Location: Liverpool Echo Arena, Liverpool, England
Commentators: Jack Korpela, Matt Striker

We’re in England this week so expect a few Regal chants. I’ve actually lost count of the number of weeks we’ve had now and frankly I don’t care. This is going to hit a year I believe and I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Darren Young is eligible for his return now and I hope they release him before he makes said return. It’s not like he offers anything to the company anyway. Let’s get to it.

Striker is in the ring with Bateman, Watson, O’Neil and Maxine. He says two of the rookie finalists which implies there may be more, which scares me to death. Bateman says Maxine is beautiful and they make out. O’Neil makes fish jokes and for the love of goodness, EXPLAIN WHAT IT MEANS. I know the joke, but if you’re going to say it over and over again you may want to point that out more than once.

Striker says he’s been keeping an eye on the rookies and judging them. This brings out Johnny Curtis of all people. He says the show sucks anymore and Titus wants to fight him. It’s implied and confirmed that Curtis and Maxine went out before. The main event of Watson/O’Neil vs. Bateman/Curtis is made. Oh joy.

There’s an article on WWE.com on why Rock and Cena could make a good tag team. That needs an whole article? IT’S ROCK AND CENA!

Wait why isn’t Regal on commentary? Hopefully he’s wrestling on a Raw house show.

Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barretta

I’d be perfectly fine with Barretta getting more TV time on this show. They go to the mat quickly and Matt says Kidd is complaining about being bastardized by the WWE. Striker makes fun of Maxine for being a rather loose woman and is having a good time on commentary. We hear a voice I don’t think we’re supposed to hear as this match isn’t all that interesting. It’s fine but I have no reason to care about these guys.

Tyson works the arm as Striker gives us a brief history of the Hart Dungeon. The announcers get into a debate about recording stuff on tape/Betamax etc and Jack says you watch NXT on WWE.com. Without missing a beat, Striker: “Who does that?” I love lines like that. They’ve been on the mat for the most part until a Trent clothesline puts Tyson on the floor.

Trent is launched into the post and we take a break. Back with them in the ring and Tyson holding a dragon sleeper. Off to a chinlock as the announcers mainly ignore the match. At least with this it’s a nothing match and they’re not talking about any individual thing. Jack asks if the challenges and point stuff is still going on and Matt says it’s a week to week thing. Trent takes over with a top rope cross body for two. A shot in the corner gets the same.

He tries a tornado DDT but Tyson hits a SWEET spin kick to take over. Brainbuster gets two. Back to the floor and Trent avoids a charge into the barricade. Barretta busts out a Whisper in the Wind off said barricade and both guys are down. Back in there’s a slingshot elbow for two. They go to the corner but Kidd manages to drop Trent on his head/neck as Trent tries a top rope rana and a one leg Liontamer ends this at 11:23.

Rating: B-. Good match here with both guys getting time to make things work. I really like Barretta and would love to see him get more time. The guy puts on decent matches every time he’s out there and this was no exception. I’d love to see an NXT Title and let guys do things like this every week on it. That Whisper in the Wind was pretty awesome. Check this match out if you have about 12 minutes to kill. It’s pretty good.

Bateman is yelling about Maxine dating Curtis. Curtis comes up and implies Maxine is bad in bed.

JTG hits on Tamina when the Usos come up to tell him to get lost. She doesn’t like them interfering so they say Santino is better than JTG. She’s going to be in JTG’s corner tonight.

Jimmy Uso vs. JTG

Jimmy doesn’t get an entrance so we don’t get the dance thing that I can’t spell. Jimmy controls to start so JTG makes fun of the war dance. Uso means brother in Samoan. That name makes much more sense now. The match is nothing special so far. Jimmy goes up but Tamina distracts him so JTG hits a dropkick, sending him to the floor. JTG hits a faceplant out of the corner for two as we talk about Survivor Series.

Matt asks Jack for his picks for Survivor Series and Jack has NOTHING. Matt even makes fun of him for it and it’s actually a bit embarrassing. Then again so is JTG and he keeps his job. Let’s keep the camera on Tamina for about 10 seconds now. It’s clear neither guy has anything to talk about as Jimmy takes over. The top rope splash ends this at 5:22.

Rating: C-. So? I’ll spare you the rant about how this show is so boring and all that jazz, but this was boring as usual. JTG is a guy that isn’t intimidating as a heel at all. He’s supposed to be a fun character and I don’t get the point in making him a heel for so long. It’s not like his status means anything. Weak match with a pointless angle tacked on.

Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil vs. Derrick Bateman/Johnny Curtis

My stars what a dull heel team. We’ve got like 6 minutes left in this show so we’re not going to have much here. Watson starts with Bateman and speeds things up quickly. Off to Curtis who doesn’t do much better. Off to O’Neil and I’ve seen funeral processions more excited than this crowd. Bateman sends Percy’s back into the post to take over. We talk about Curtis being an orphan to fill in air time. La Parka of all people is referenced by Striker. Jack: “No one knows who you’re talking about.” There’s the double tag and even Titus can’t wake the crowd up. Clash of the Titus is broken up and a High/Low ends Titus at 4:40.

Rating: D. This was horribly uninteresting. They did their thing but a lot of the problems were due to the lack of time. Well that and Curtis being the least interesting guy I can remember in a very long time. Nothing to see here and the show itself as a whole was the same. Wow this was bad.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener was good but the rest was just DULL. I haven’t heard a crowd this dead since the last time I was in a cemetery. Totally boring show and I don’t know if it was them being tired from the flight or what, but this was as bad as this show has been (save for the good opener) in a long time. Either end the show or get it back to America IMMEDIATELY.

Results
Tyson Kidd b. Trent Barretta – One Leg Boston Crab
Jimmy Uso b. JTG – Top Rope Splash
Johnny Curtis/Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil/Percy Watson – High/Low to O’Neil

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 11, 2013
Location: Phones4u Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a rare taped show tonight as the company is over in England. The main story coming in is Big Show being the new guy to stand up to the regime, having forced his way back into a job. Kane has also joined the bad guys and is now the director of operations, a position which hasn’t exactly been defined yet. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video honoring American’s military veterans narrated by John Cena. Classy as always.

We recap the angle at the end of last week’s show with Big Show getting his job back as well as a title shot at Survivor Series. The video also includes the handicap match and Big Show being put through a table.

The Authority (the official name for HHH and Stephanie) isn’t here tonight so it’s not clear who is in charge.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He thinks he’s going to win at Survivor Series and says that since the Authority isn’t here, he’s in charge tonight. This brings out Brad Maddox to say he’s the GM and therefore in charge, but here’s Kane before he can make his first match. Kane says that he’s in charge in the absence of the Authority.

Maddox says he’s actually in charge, so the opening match is Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes. Kane says no, because it’s Orton vs. Goldust. Maddox says not so fast and Orton says pick an opponent because he can’t fight them both.. Here’s Vickie to suck up to the Authority a bit before saying she’s confident in Orton’s authority. The crowd shouts her down so much that you can barely hear her, but she makes Orton vs. Goldust and Rhodes in a handicap match.

Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Goldust gets things going and quickly hiptosses and armdrags Orton down for two. Off to Cody to stay on the arm as the fans are all behind the Golden One. The release gordbuster gets two and it’s back to Goldust who is stomped down in the corner. The fans chant Randy’s Boring before starting what I believe was a JBL chant. Now it’s a Jerry chant. Orton runs into a boot in the corner but kicks Goldust off the middle rope as we take a break.

Back with Goldust fighting out of a chinlock and catching Orton in a powerslam. A double clothesline puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Cody who comes in with a missile dropkick. A spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Rhodes and the moonsault press gets the same. Everything breaks down and Cody fights out of the RKO before a double clothesline puts Orton on the floor. Orton takes the countout at 8:50.

Rating: C-. This was ok but the ending was obvious. I’m glad they didn’t have either side do the job as it would mess up too much momentum that has been built over the last few months. It’s interesting to see Vickie act like something resembling a face, but she’s not exactly the right choice for it.

Post match here’s Big Show (said to not be here in a story that lasted 20 minutes) to destroy Orton and chokeslam him through the announce table.

Big Show left during a break to go get a pint.

Los Matadores/Santino Marella vs. Union Jacks

The Union Jacks are 3MB (no masks or anything) in British flag attire. Santino has bull horns on his head. Slater and Diego get us going but Mahal makes a blind tag and gets two off a knee to the head. A 3MB triple team takes Diego down and it’s McIntyre with a stomp to the head.

Santino tags himself in and pounds away on Mahal but his headbutt hits knees. Torito distracts Slater and chases him around, allowing Santino to gore Slater from behind. McIntyre finally catches the bull but Los Matadores dive through the ropes for the save. Torito goes up top and dives onto Slater, allowing Santino to hit the Cobra (with horns) on Mahal for the pin at 2:55.

Brad Maddox apologizes to Orton when Vickie comes up to apologize as well. Orton doesn’t want to hear it but Kane comes in and tells Orton to quit mouthing off. Randy sends them all off because his shoulder is messed up.

Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston

Damien is still very aggressive and pounds Kingston down to start. He puts on a chinlock before dropping a knee for two. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two more but Kofi avoids a legdrop. Kofi fights back with some right hands and a kick to the head but gets knocked off the top and walks into You’re Welcome for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D+. This was just an extended squash but that’s what Kofi is good for. He’s probably never going to get past this level but he’s capable of putting on a good match with just about anyone and can make anybody look better. Sandow being aggressive is a decent idea and having a new finisher is the best thing that could happen to him.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Dolph Ziggler

Cole goes into his Hall of Fame stat sheet as Axel grabs a headlock to start. An elbow to the jaw puts Ziggler into the corner and Axel stomps him down. They trade dropkicks for two each and Ziggler swivels his hips a bit. Ziggler takes him down again and drops the ten elbows for two. Curtis sends him to the floor and slaps him around back inside but Ziggler scores with a jumping DDT to put both guys down.

Ziggler avoids a charge and sends Axel shoulder first into the post before another elbow gets two. Axel comes back with a nice catapult into the buckle for two but Ziggler hits a Fameasser for the same. A Saito Suplex gets two for the champion but he takes too much time going up, allowing Ziggler to hit a middle rope X Factor for two. The Zig Zag is countered into a kind of release flapjack, allowing Axel to hit the neckbreaker into a faceplant for the pin at 9:09.

Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than I was expecting here with both guys hitting a lot of big spots for some nice near falls. Axel is a guy who can have good matches but he’s such damaged goods at this point that it’s almost impossible to take him seriously. Ziggler is clearly not going back to the main event scene anytime soon so having him do stuff like this is the right call.

Kane demands respect from Brad Maddox so Brad makes the Real Americans vs. John Cena in another handicap match. Kane one ups him by making Shield vs. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. No handshake is given.

Zack Ryder is the WWE merchandise schiller of the night.

Tamina Snuka vs. Nikki Bella

Nikki gets thrown around as the announcers plug Total Divas. Tamina bends Nikki over her knee in the most awkward backbreaker you’ll see in a long time. We get more choking and chinlockery before Nikki makes a comeback with a backdrop from her knees and a headscissors where Tamina flipped over when Nikki wasn’t touching her. AJ gets in a cheap shot to put Nikki down, allowing Tamina to hit the Superfly Splash for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D-. This division sucks but Nikki looks great so it’s not a failure. That is all.

Brie cleans house post match.

WWE 2K14 stuff.

Shield comes in to see Orton, who yells at them for not saving him from Big Show. They say it’s none of his business where they were during Big Show’s attack because they don’t work for anyone.

Fandango vs. Tyson Kidd

This is set up from a clip of a Total Divas episode that hasn’t aired yet. Fandango is in Union Jack tights for no apparent reason. Feeling out process to start until Fandango throws Kidd out of the corner and out to the floor. Back in and Kidd hurricanranas Fandango into the middle buckle. A springboard dropkick sends Fandango to the floor and a bad looking hurricanrana off the apron takes him down again. Back in and a springboard sunset flip is countered into a Fandango rollup for the pin at 2:59.

John Cena vs. Real Americans

Colter runs down England to start, saying that there are some bad people over here, ranging from monarchs to soccer hooligans to, dare he say it, Mr. Bean fans. Swagger goes after the bad arm to start as Cena’s underwear is sticking out. Here’s Del Rio with the Mexican flag as Cesaro throws Cena to the floor. Back from a break with Del Rio on commentary and Cesaro bringing in Swagger for a chinlock.

The running Vader Bomb hits Cena’s knees and John shoulder blocks both guys down, only to run into a European uppercut from Cesaro. The Swing is countered into an STF attempt but Antonio makes the tag off to Swagger. Jack can’t get the Patriot Lock but Cesaro goes up top, only to have his cross body rolled into an AA attempt. Swagger makes the save with a chop block to the leg but Cena backdrops out of a Neutralizer attempt.

Cena hits his finishing sequence on Swagger but the AA is countered into the Patriot Lock. John rolls out and hits the AA but Cesaro breaks up the pin at two. A powerbomb gets two on Cesaro but he comes back with Swiss Death for the same result. Cesaro loads up what looked to be a top rope huricanrana but Cena shoves him into a tag to Swagger. Jack’s running suplex is countered into a top rope cross body from Cena and the STF makes Jack tap at 12:56.

Rating: B-. This was good but was there ever any doubt as to how this was going to end? That’s one of the big problems with matches like this and how far down the Americans have been pushed: no one believed the team had a chance and even though there were some good spots, the ending was never in doubt.

Post match Del Rio goes after Cena and puts him in the armbreaker with a chair around the arm. Big E. Langston makes the save and gets a nice chant from the audience.

Del Rio complains to the bosses about Langston and a match is made for later tonight.

R-Truth vs. Ryback

Truth does an unfunny rap about Ryback on the way to the ring, talking about how Ryback is a bully with bad breath. Truth grabs a headlock to start and kicks Ryback in the face, only to be driven into a few corners. Ryback keeps pounding away with his power stuff, but the Meathook misses, allowing Truth to grab a quick rollup for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. And yet they wonder why Ryback isn’t over. He jobs to Punk over and over again, gets a win last week where he gets to show off, and now loses to R-Truth. The match was junk though with no one caring and mostly dominance until the quick ending. I’m assuming Ryback eventually gets his win back though, meaning we’ll be right back where we started.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Langston pounds on Alberto but Del Rio comes back with some shots to the head and a chinlock. The fans sound like they’re at a funeral for this match. Langston fights out with suplex and the Warrior Splash as the Wave has begun in the crowd. Del Rio hits the enziguri in the corner but Langston runs him over with ease. The Big Ending is countered into the armbreaker for the submission at 4:04.

Rating: D. GAH WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS NONSENSE??? They want to push Langston as a big deal so their solution is to put him in match after match that he isn’t allowed to win because it would hurt the other guy. SO STOP PUTTING HIM IN MATCHES AGAINST THAT KIND OF COMPETITION ALREADY!!! Why is that so freaking complicated???

Veterans video again.

Axel is with a very damaged Heyman in the ring. Paul is in a neck brace, a cast on his leg and his arm is in a sling while sitting in a wheelchair. He blames Ryback for this beating because Ryback messed up by not being there to save him. Ryback bit off more than he could chew and Punk used the chance to destroy Heyman. However, the real blame is on every fan in the audience for cheering Punk on as he climbed the Cell.

Tonight though, Heyman is here to have every member of the audience as a witness to this statement. He’ll be back with a vengeance and hang over CM Punk like the sword of Damocles. Heyman talks about driving the sword into Punk when Punk’s music hits. Heyman: “OH NO!” Punk charges to the ring and beats up Axel, laying him out with the GTS. CM stares at Heyman and pulls a kendo stick out from under the ring. Heyman is spun around in the chair and then dumped onto the mat so Punk can destroy him with the stick even more. Heyman is also in a back brace to complete the list of injuries.

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan vs. Shield

Punk clotheslines Ambrose down to start before bringing Bryan in for a double suplex for two. Rollins comes in and is almost immediately caught in the surfboard. Punk gets the tag and kicks Seth in the chest for two but the GTS is escaped. Off to Reigns for a staredown but Bryan comes in for some stereo kicks to the legs. Reigns shrugs them off and clotheslines both guys down before taking Bryan into the Shield corner.

Rollins comes in but gets caught in a release German suplex and a top rope hurricanrana gets two. A kick to the head puts Bryan down again and we take our last break. Back with Ambrose working on Bryan in the corner before handing it over to Reigns for a headbutt. Back to Rollins as the slow attack but fast tags continue. A slam puts Bryan down and we hit the chinlock. Bryan fights up and sends Rollins into Reigns, allowing for the hot tag off to Punk.

Everything breaks down and the Macho Elbow gets two on Ambrose. Bryan’s top rope knee takes down Rollins and the FLYING GOAT drops Ambrose. Reigns takes out Bryan but Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Roman. Punk and Ambrose trade some insanely fast counters until Punk hooks the Anaconda Vice. Ambrose is about to tap when we’ve got Wyatts. We’ll say the match was thrown out at about 13:00.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but the last few minutes were hot. Not a great match or anything though as the fans were entirely burnt out by the end. Also it didn’t help that everyone was waiting on the big appearance by the Wyatts but at least they waited until the last possible second.

Punk and Bryan wisely bail to the floor, leaving Shield to argue with the freaky dudes. Bray and Reigns get in an argument on the floor before fighting into the ring. Both teams get in a huge brawl but Bray eventually separates them, saying Punk and Bryan are the common enemies. Punk and Bryan get in the ring for a brawl and get beaten down until the Usos, Goldust and Cody make the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This really didn’t do it for me. The constant handicap matches got old in a hurry and the show felt like it didn’t matter at all for the most part. I’m not sure where they’re going with the Shield due to their actions with Orton but turning all three at them at once isn’t the best idea. Nothing at all on here felt important though and that can make for a very long three hours.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Randy Orton via countout

Santino Marella/Los Matadores b. Union Jacks – Cobra to Mahal

Damien Sandow b. Kofi Kingston – You’re Welcome

Curtis Axel b. Dolph Ziggler – Neckbreaker into a faceplant

Tamina Snuka b. Nikki Bella – Superfly Splash

Fandango b. Tyson Kidd – Countered sunset flip

John Cena b. Real Americans – STF to Swagger

R-Truth b. Ryback – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker

Daniel Bryan/CM Punk vs. Shield went to a no contest

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

I can’t say I’m surprised.

The guy got in hot water over his physique and has been doing nothing at all in NXT.  He’ll probably be ROH World Champion inside of a year.