Monday Night Raw
Date: March 25, 2013
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s hard to believe that we’ve got less than two weeks before Wrestlemania. Pretty much everything is set and for the first time in weeks tonight, the WWE Champion is here to hype up the title match against Cena. Other than that we aren’t likely to get anything of note because the entire card is either set or obvious at this point. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of all of the major feuds for Wrestlemania.

Here are Punk and Heyman to open the show. Punk throws the urn in the air before setting it on the mat. He talks about Undertaker being the mystical being that Undertaker is built up as and how the urn gives Undertaker his powers. Apparently “they” say it all the time. Who are they actually? Punk says they are irrelevant and he’s the only one that matters. Last year, Undertaker hit 20-0 and the match had the perfect ending. Instead of skipping off with HHH and HBK, Undertaker came out here and pointed at Punk’s Wrestlemania sign.

The fans chant for ECW and Punk says “speaking of dead things.” Punk drops the urn because it means nothing to him, just like the Undertaker and his Streak. He’s the 1 in 20-1 and at Wrestlemania, the Streak will Rest in Peace. There go the lights and as they come back up, Undertaker is in the ring and pounding away on Punk. Heyman runs off with the urn as Punk escapes.

Fandango omes out for a match but before he can have an opponent announced, Jericho runs out and beats down Fandango with a vengeance. Fandango and his dancing chick run away and here’s Dolph Ziggler instead. Apparently this was a match for later but instead it’s happening now.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho takes him down to the match before pounding away at Ziggler’s head. A quick attempt at the Walls are countered but Dolph charges into an elbow in the corner. Jericho hits a top rope cross body for two and we take a break. Back with Jericho in a chinlock before coming back with a rollup for two. Dolph dropkicks him down for two of his own and hooks an abdominal stretch on the Canadian. Chris fights back and hits a top rope ax handle and the bulldog, but has to take out Langston with a springboard dropkick. A DDT gets two for Dolph but a Fameasser attempt is countered into the Walls for the tap at 5:53.

Rating: C+. Good stuff here with Jericho winning, although the booking continues to be stupid. Ziggler gets off a losing streak to go on a winning streak for the last few weeks, only to be jobbed out to Jericho to set up Fandango vs. Jericho. Now, Kofi loses, Ziggler loses, and Jericho is about to be beaten down by Fandango so Jericho looks weak. That’s WWE’s booking issues in a nutshell. With a roster as deep as they have, there is no reason to have Ziggler need to do this job. None.

Post match Langston hits the Big Ending on Jericho and here’s Fandango for another beating on Jericho.

We get a clip from Smackdown with Sheamus and Big Show arguing after beating 3MB, only to band together to glare at Shield. Sheamus is about to say something about that incident but Shield beats him down. Orton tries to make the save with a chair but gets beaten down as well. Big Show makes the real save.

Mark Henry vs. Usos

I believe that’s Jey starting things off but does it really matter? Henry throws him around but the Usos both hit superkicks to actually put him down. The Superfly Splash from Jimmy gets two but Henry sends Jey FLYING off the apron and into the barricade. A big clothesline on Jimmy and the World’s Strongest Slam ends Jimmy at 1:45.

Post match Jey gets a Slam of his own. Both guys are splashed too.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Alberto Del Rio

Ricardo is here on crutches and his ankle is in a cast. Feeling out process to start with Cesaro taking over via a European uppercut. Off to a cravate but Del Rio comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He loads up the low superkick but here’s Zeb Colter for a distraction. Cesaro gets in some shots but as Del Rio loads up a superplex, Swagger comes out and attacks Ricardo again. Del Rio chases after Swagger and beats him up in the crowd for the countout at 3:20. I’m not going to bother rating this as a good deal of the match was spent on the outside interference stuff.

Post match Del Rio beats up Cesaro despite the loss being his own fault.

HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players

Titus and Kane start with the masked man taking over almost immediately. Off to Bryan for some kicks in the corner and it’s back to Kane for more punishment of the Players. Here are Ziggler and Langston to distract Bryan and let the Players take over. Titus suplexes Darren onto Bryan for two and it’s off to a body vice by Young. Bryan fights up and brings in Kane for the side slam on Darren. Bryan takes out Titus with the running knee to the floor and the chokeslam ends Young at 4:37.

Rating: D+. Just a glorified squash here which didn’t do anything of note for anyone. It’s not like Langston and Ziggler did anything here other than make the match last a bit longer, so why should I want to see these teams fight now? Does anyone remember why they’re fighting in the first place? By the way that’s rhetorical. Don’t leave me comments explaining what started this because I remember it. My point is it wasn’t significant or memorable and WWE doesn’t ever remind it to us because they expect everyone to remember every single thing EVER.

Another example of this would be Lawler talking about washrags when Titus was in there. If you don’t remember that, you’re not alone. That was mentioned ONCE in a match back like last year, but Lawler brings it up whenever Titus is in there. If you didn’t see that ONE probably five minute tag match, you likely don’t get the joke. I barely remember it because it was a stupid discussion from that many months ago, but WWE brings it up like it went on for months and everyone knows it. That’s really stupid and annoying when they do it with such stupid stuff like that.

We recap HHH and Lesnar’s contract signing from last week.

Here’s HHH to talk about the match with Lesnar some more. If he loses at Wrestlemania it’s the end of his career. The thing is if you go to the ring thinking you’re going to lose, you’re already done because Lesnar is a destroyer. HHH has fought like his life and career depended on it every night for twenty years so these stipulations aren’t some coup for Heyman. It’s Lesnar that needs to fight like his career is on the line because that’s what he has to do. HHH isn’t coming to wrestle and he isn’t coming to fight. He’s coming to hurt Brock.

As HHH leaves, Wade Barrett interrupts him and stares HHH down. HHH kicks him low and keeps walking.

Wade Barrett vs. The Miz

Barrett is in agony here so Miz hits a quick atomic drop to mess with Barrett even more. The Figure Four is escaped as the champion (non-title here) bails to the floor. Back in and Miz hits a few more atomic drops but can’t hook the Skull Crushing Finale. Barrett pounds away as the announcers talk about movies. Off to a chinlock by the champion but Miz fights up and backdrops Wade out to the floor. An ax handle off the apron puts Wade down again and we take a break.

Back with Barrett pounding away at Miz in the ropes and kicking him out to the floor. Back in and Miz avoids a charge before firing off some left hands. The corner clothesline sets up the top rope ax handle for two but Barrett rolls out of the Finale. The Winds of Change get two for Barrett but Wasteland is countered. Miz dropkicks the knee out but the Figure Four is countered again. Barrett gets a rollup for two and a low kick to the head for the same. The Bull Hammer misses and Barrett crotches himself on the top rope after missing a big boot. Figure Four gets the tap out at 12:08.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad and that’s a Wrestlemania match for you. No one cares about Barrett or the title, but it’s nice to see the match getting a spot on the biggest show of the year again. The Figure Four still doesn’t work for Miz, and I really didn’t need a match with the main focus being Barrett’s crotch, but the match wasn’t bad.

Bryan and Kane have a mini-argument about Kane’s mental stability before getting into a full argument about AJ. Kaitlyn pops up to say chill because she was the one screwed over by AJ. AJ is behind them as they argue. Kailtyn says AJ is a nutjob and AJ blasts her.

Shield vs. Great Khali/Zack Ryder/Justin Gabriel

Khali chops at Rollins to start but once Ryder comes in things fall apart. A middle rope dropkick misses Ambrose and the Shield takes over. Off to Gabriel vs. Reigns with Justin trying to speed things up. Ambrose gets a blind tag and clotheslines Gabriel’s head off. Dean puts on a surfboard hold as Rollins hits a top rope knee drop for the pin on Gabriel at 2:30.

Post match Khali tries to fight off the Shield but gets caught in the TripleBomb. Cue Sheamus, Orton and Big Show for the big brawl.

We recap Jericho and Fandango from earlier. Jericho is MAD and says he’s like a target now because of what he’s done over the years. He’s sporting a black eye here and apparently it’s Jericho vs. Fandango at Wrestlemania.

Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. Rhodes Scholars

Brodus and Sandow start things off but it’s quickly off to Tensai for some double teaming. Tensai misses a splash though and it’s off to Rhodes for an armbar. The not hot tag brings in Brodus who does his usual stuff like the throw and splash on Cody. The Bellas and Funkadactyls get in a brawl on the floor, allowing Rhodes to hit the Disaster Kick for the pin on Clay at 2:30.

Another video on G.I. Joe 2.

3MB vs. Ryback

Handicap match here with Slater starting for the band. A quick Thesz Press puts Heath down and there’s a splash for no cover. Off to Drew who is rammed into the corner for some hard shoulder blocks. After cleaning out the ring, Ryback is caught by a big boot from McIntyre to take over. Slater puts on a front facelock but Ryback easily throws him off. After the token beating from 3MB, Ryback fights back and throws Slater around a big. The double Shell Shock to Mahal and Slater are enough to pin Heath at 4:04.

Rating: D+. What do you expect here? Ryback did this for like a year and no one is surprised that he can do it again here, other than Cole and Lawler of course. Nothing to see here for the most part, but Ryback and Henry one upping each other with the destruction isn’t a bad idea.

Ryback and Henry have a weightlifting competition on Friday.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is inducting Sammartino into the Hall of Fame.

AJ Lee vs. Kaitlyn

Non-title here. Kaitlyn erupts on AJ to start and pounds her down, only to be slapped down by AJ. Kaitlyn will have none of that and hits a fireman’s carry gutbuster to send AJ to the outside. The spear misses AJ and hits the barricade, drawing a countout at 2:02.

We run down the Wrestlemania card.

It’s time for the final segment of the show: a Q&A panel with legends asking questions to Rock and Cena. Lawler is moderating and the panel is Booker T, Mick Foley, Dusty Rhodes and Bret Hart. Ric Flair was supposed to be part of this panel but health issues kept him out of the segment. Rock barely gets a reaction as this crowd is exhausted.

Foley gets to ask the first question and talks about losing the fall at Wrestlemania XX which was supposed to be Rock’s last match. He says that it was a relief that Cena lost the match because it wasn’t Rock’s Wrestlemania swan song. Foley’s question is to Cena: can he handle losing to Rock again? Cena says that he wins everything at once if he wins but losing is definitely an option as it was last year.

He brings up former Eagles’ quarterback Donovan McNabb who was famous for getting deep into the playoffs but never winning a Super Bowl. The fans don’t like McNabb because it’s all about winning the big one. Cena is great but he needs that big win. Rock however can’t live with failure.

The champion responds by telling a familiar story about getting his mattress out of a dumpster. Then six months later he got his shot in the WWE but blew out his knee six months later. Then he worked even harder and came back, asking for a mic. Then Rock became the youngest WWE Champion ever and headlined Wrestlemania 15, right here in this very city. Cue FINALLY of course. Rock came into Philly with a Pat’s cheese steak in one hand and the WWE Title in the other….and Steve Austin beat him for the title. Rock came back as the hardest working man ever and the man that is beating Cena in thirteen days.

Bret (now with gray hair) says that both Rock and Cena are his friends but he didn’t like it last year when this became too close to Bret vs. Shawn. What changed? Rock says that it was two guys going at it for over 30 minutes and after Rock won, Cena took it like a man. Cena talks about calling Rock out years ago in an interview and then Rock proved it. After last year, Cena thought Rock was walking out but then Rock said he wanted to be WWE Champion and did just that.

Booker asks why Cena thinks he can win and John says it’s because he has to. Rock isn’t impressed and wants to know why Cena thinks that. Cena goes off by saying that Rock can’t beat him. Cena beat himself last year by making one bad decision. Every single week for ten years, Cena has come out to a mixed reaction but he’s walked through it. Only Rock has been able to get inside Cena’s head and after Cena survived everything Rock threw at him, Cena tried something stupid by trying the People’s Elbow and beat himself. John knows he’s better than Rock and says Rock knows it too.

Rock says he knows if Cena knew he had Rock beat, he would have beaten him. Cena threw everything he had at Rock and Rock kept kicking out. Rock talks about growing up idolizing Ric Flair who said to be the man you have to beat the man. Cena can’t beat the man, because he isn’t the man. John will never, and the Rock means never, beat the Rock.

Dusty likes them taking the gloves off and asks both guys what they want on April 7 (third time they’ve said the date of the show because the top guys know how to sell a show). Cena wants to win the big one and dominate the Rock. He’s going to prove that he’s better when Rock is looking up at the sky. Rock says he won’t be haunted by Cena and wants to fight right now. Cena says you can’t see me and gets shoved. AA is countered into a Rock Bottom and Rock stares at Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The show wasn’t awful but say it with me: it dragged because it ran for three hours. It’s not terrible or anything but there’s nothing of note here until the ending which was more like what the world title feud was needing. The problem with the build at this point is that nothing is really exciting for whatever reason it may have. Cena vs. Rock will draw, but it would be nice to see the company actually try instead of just going on reputation alone.

Results

Chris Jericho b. Dolph Ziggler – Walls of Jericho

Mark Henry b. Usos – World’s Strongest Slam to Jimmy Uso

Antonio Cesaro b. Alberto Del Rio via countout

HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Chokeslam to Young

Shield b. Great Khali/Justin Gabriel/Zack Ryder – Top rope knee drop to Gabriel

Rhodes Scholars b. Tensai/Brodus Clay – Disaster Kick to Clay

Ryback b. 3MB – Shell Shock to Slater

AJ Lee b. Kaitlyn via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

That’s your big celebrity involvement this year.  No word on if he’ll do anything at the actual show or not.

Think about this for a minute.There have been 28 Wrestlemanias.  Not only has Undertaker appeared at 20 of them, but he’s won EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I think people forget how big of a deal this really is.  Nexus debuted almost three years ago, Chris Benoit was almost six years ago, The Alliance was almost 12 years ago, Nitro was dominant 16 years ago, Hogan went to WCW 19 years ago, and Monday Night Raw debuted over 20 years ago.

In that whole time, Undertaker has been appearing at Wrestlemania and winning.  His resume at Wrestlemania is better than a lot of wrestlers have done in their entire careers: pinned every member of Evolution, won three world titles, beaten ten former world champions, won two HIAC matches and I could go on.

There’s an arguments that it’s the greatest feat in wrestling history and I’m not sure how much I disagree with it.

Smackdown
Date: March 23, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Wrestlemania even more now and the main event tonight is, you guessed it, another tag match. For some reason Miz is in this match instead of Jericho, teaming with Bryan to face Punk/Sheamus. I don’t get that: why not have all four of them in the same match? Either way, having Sheamus and Bryan in the same ring is a good thing as they need all the help they can get at this point. Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indiana Hoosiers. They need to be eliminated.

Here are AJ and Bryan to open the show. Good heat on the champ here. Bryan celebrates before saying anything else. AJ is asked what’s so great about being Bryan’s girlfriend. He has soft lips, he caresses her and sometimes they spoon. She calls him Danny and gets corrected before going into a list of his better traits. Being a vegan is a good thing. She isn’t as thrilled about this batch of them. Most importantly AJ feels safe. Bryan whispers something to her to say and she says it’s a little personal. He says say it, so AJ says he’s a great lover. Oh and he’ll keep the title at Wrestlemania.

Bryan starts a cheer for himself but here’s Sheamus. They’ve at least been having these two interact a bit which has been a plus. Sheamus says he threw up in his mouth a bit back there listening to this. He makes fun of the soft lips stuff and says he doesn’t want to go there, but he does want to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus calls him Danny which is corrected and also starts a chant. He calls Bryan Danny Boy which doesn’t sit well with the champ either. “If you don’t like that, you’ll hate being called the former World Heavyweight Champion.” Sheamus says he’ll kick Bryan’s teeth down his throat. I liked this a lot.

R-Truth vs. Mark Henry

Truth hammers away which works about as well as any other attacks by average sized men on monsters. Truth gets knocked down by a headbutt and is sent to the floor. Henry crushes Truth’s head against the steps and they go back inside. Henry misses an elbow drop and Truth hits a seated dropkick and a low DDT for one. Truth goes up and jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:59. Total squash. Team Johnny wins again. I know they’re winning at the PPV but at least make it look possible. Please?

Big Show vs. Kane again tonight.

We get what might be a first: the debut of a Hall of Fame announcement on Smackdown. It’s Yokozuna. No issues with that. Mil Mascaras is mentioned as going in with this class, which I believe is the first time that’s been mentioned on WWE TV.

We get a clip from Raw of Ryder’s rally and cut to Team Teddy in Long’s office. Teddy says he needs more convincing so Horny comes in with a Team Teddy flag. He’s the official mascot of the team now. Khali comes in wearing Ryder gear and says Woo Woo Woo You Know It. Ryder and Khali are on the team now. Well it’s better than no appearance at all. His stuff with Kane and Cena is never going to be mentioned again is it?

AJ vs. Brie Bella

AJ is the home state girl being from Jersey. An inset interview from the Bellas has them talking about how Brie doesn’t want Nikki’s advice because Nikki lost last week. Booker apologizes for one of his statements about AJ recently. Which statement that is he doesn’t list but whatever. Brie controls to start and stomps away at AJ. Bryan’s advice: do better. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken. AJ hooks a Fujiwara Armbar and a decent one. Nikki gets up on the apron to distract AJ but Brie rams into Nikki and is rolled up for the pin at 2:48.

Post match we find out that Brie is Team Teddy and Nikki is Team Johnny. Brie leads a T-E-D-D-Y cheer. That’s just what this feud needed: THE BELLAS!

Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder

Apparently Lillian legitimately screwed up the entrance and called Ryder “The Long Island Iced Z, Jack Swagger.” The fans are WAY into Ryder. They better be careful or he’ll get sent down to NXT. He controls to start and hammers on Swagger but Jack moves out of the way in the corner. Swagger uses almost a judo throw to take Ryder down and throws on a top wristlock.

Ryder gets his knees up in the corner and starts his comeback. He slams Swagger’s face into the mat and hits the Broski Boot for two. Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb followed by it’s Vader cousin for two. Horny chases Vickie onto the apron and the distraction allows the Rough Ryder to get the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C-. I’m glad to see Ryder get his win back but it’s negated by the general annoyance factor brought on by Hornswoggle being out there. That guy gets annoying fast. Anyway, decent match and it’s good to see Ryder back and winning matches (mostly) clean. Him getting on Mania will be good too, even though he’ll be on the losing team.

We get a clip from Monday of Cody attacking Big Show.

Earlier today, Cody says he’s been enjoying embarrassing Big Show lately. The biggest embarrassment is going to be at Mania though. Knucklehead 2 perhaps? Cody leaves, saying he has a plane to catch. Then why did you come to the arena?

Big Show vs. Kane

Show starts off fast and runs over Kane. He hammers away and Kane bails to the floor. Kane sends Show into the post and hits the low dropkick back in the ring. Kane hooks a chinlock but Show gets up and they clothesline each other. Show gets up and starts pounding on Kane but the big fried freak comes back with a DDT for two. Kane goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. Cody runs in for the DQ at 3:45.

Rating: D. This continues to be nothing. These two never have clicked at all so keeping it short like this was probably the best idea. Cody running in was pretty obvious as he did the same thing on Monday. I guess they were out of stuff to do in this feud so they’re just having Cody cost Show matches, even though he gave him a win here.

Show chases Rhodes into the crowd. Orton comes in and RKOs Kane.

Same anti-bullying video from Raw.

Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater

Brodus is in green tonight. Notice that the announcers have stopped seeming to have a blast when he comes out. It’s like they’ve been told to cool it or something. Slater dropkicks the knee out and hits an enziguri, perhaps becoming the first person to ever cover Brodus. Brodus comes back with his usual and the splash ends this in 1:24. This guy needs a feud in the worst way. Throw him on Team Teddy if nothing else.

Ryder runs into Eve in the back and they say they’re both going to Wrestlemania. Zack says she’s beautiful and smart, which Eve takes as an insult because she thinks Ryder sounds like it was a recent development. She storms off, saying their dinner is off. This is going to go on for a long time isn’t it?

Raw ReBound is about the three way talking session that didn’t say anything new from the end of Raw.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

Christian is on commentary. Cole again points out how one sided the team situation is and how serious one side is while how goofy the other is. Christian gets a text from Johnny, who is all of 8 feet from him. Khali throws Ziggler around and chops him down. Ziggler gets in a shot and hammers away as Booker argues with Booker. Christian wants Cole to be Team Johnny’s mascot. Khali comes back with his array of clotheslines but the chop misses. Sleeper goes on and Ace rings the bell at 2:42, Montreal style. Yep, that just happened.

Teddy says hang on a minute and restarts it. Ziggler is given to ten to get back in and doesn’t get back in. Santino and Kofi throw him in anyway and Khali chops him down. I’m already sick of this feud because there are SO many people in it and there are still two more to be added.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan

Is there any logical reason for Jericho not to be in this? Sheamus and Bryan start but Bryan immediately tags out. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and clothesline and it’s time for Punk. The slingshot shoulder brings Sheamus back in and gets two. Irish Curse gets two. Sheamus pulls Bryan in but the distraction lets Miz knock him to the floor and Bryan adds a knee to the head as we take a break.

Back with Miz kicking Sheamus in the head and putting on a chinlock. A backdrop gets Sheamus out of trouble and he makes the tag to Punk. The champ comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee/bulldog combo takes Miz down. He loads up the Macho Elbow but Bryan distracts him down. Miz hits the low DDT for two and it’s time for champion vs. champion.

Bryan chokes Punk out and we get a Danny Boy chant. Booker says Miz has been surpassed by his former pupil. Miz gets in a shot to the back to keep Punk from getting momentum and then adds a kneelift for two. Punk takes Miz down and there’s the tag, resulting in Bryan running for his life. Sheamus cleans house and hits the forearms to the chest of Bryan. The Brogue Kick kills Miz at 6:43 shown of 10:13.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t really into this one because the ending could be seen coming a mile away. Bryan running from Sheamus is kind of interesting I guess because it’s the story of his title reign, but I’m hoping at Mania that he finally gets caught. Other than that, nothing to see here because Punk has no reason to want to fight either of his opponents here.

Overall Rating: C. This was an ok show and that’s about it. They’re in full on Mania push mode at this point and that can become a problem. Much like Raw, there’s not much to see on these shows because the PPV has been set for weeks now. Not a bad show or anything, but other than Ryder and Khali being added to Team Teddy, there’s nothing here that’s new material.

Results
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World’s Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz

Remember to follows me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: March 22, 2013
Location: U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

With Wrestlemania coming up very soon we’ve got almost everything set, meaning that the next few weeks will be spent building up everything else that we’ve already established. The main event tonight is Swagger vs. Jericho in a rematch from last week where Swagger beat Jericho through the help of some shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap is from Raw with Swagger breaking Ricardo’s ankle as well as Big Show joining Orton and Sheamus to face the Shield.

We open with MizTV with guests Sheamus and Randy Orton. Orton wants Big Show to replace Ryback in the six man tag at Wrestlemania but Sheamus isn’t sure. Neither guy trusts him, but sometimes you have to do something you aren’t sure of in order to survive. At Wrestlemania, Orton wants a ticked off giant on their side. Here’s Big Show to give us his take on this.

Miz talks about being Show’s partner back in the day and Big Show ending the team by knocking him out. Big Show: “I’ve dated women bigger than you so shut your lip.” Show talks about knocking out a member of the Shield and how they can work together to stop the Shield once and for all. Sheamus talks about his past with Big Show and a showdown is teased but Orton plays peacemaker. Miz: “REALLY? Randy Orton is the voice of reason of this group???” Before Show and Sheamus start arguing even more, here’s Booker T to interrupt. Tonight the three of them will be in a six man tag against opponents to be named.

Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder is shoved in the corner but comes back with a few right hands. Like an idiot though he tries a cross body and gets caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 52 seconds.

Ryder gets two more slams as Henry shouts at him about how many can he take. Ryback finally comes out for the big staredown as Ryder is carried out like a pancake. Henry charges but is taken down by the Meat Hook to send Henry into a state of confusion on the floor.

Teddy looks for Booker’s approval for teaming up with Vickie to make Henry vs. Ryback. Booker isn’t pleased because Teddy should have consulted with his boss, as in Booker. Teddy doesn’t like the idea that he works for Booker, because he works with him.

We get the Booker Hall of Fame video.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Well to be fair it’s been four whole days since we saw this match. AJ sits in on commentary. A quick neckbreaker puts Kofi down as JBL hits on AJ. Kofi comes back with his jumping clotheslines and the Boom Drop for no cover. Langston distracts Kingston from trying Trouble in Paradise though, allowing Dolph to hit a dropkick as we take a break.

Back with Kofi sliding through the ropes and kicking Dolph in the face. As Kingston goes up though, Ziggler crotches him down as AJ complains about being in a match with Dolph and her two exes. Kofi comes back with some right hands but another dropkick gets two. Ziggler hooks a chinlock for a bit but Kofi fights up and sends him shoulder first into the post. The middle rope cross body gets two for Kofi but a springboard splash hits knees, giving Ziggler a two count.

Trouble in Paradise misses and there’s the sleeper to Kingston. Kofi escapes again and gets two off the SOS as AJ sings Dolph’s praises. Dolph falls to the floor but Langston guards him from a suicide dive. Kofi dives on Big E. instead but the distraction lets Ziggler hit the Fameasser on the floor. AJ: “I’m going to have that man’s babies. And they’re going to have great hair and the abs of a Greek god.” Back inside the Zig Zag finishes Kofi at 6:31 shown of 10:01.

Rating: C. Not their best match here but it’s nice to see Ziggler get back on top even a little bit. Kofi will bounce back from this as he’s always lost a lot over his career. It’s rumored that he might be turning heel, which could be interesting given how serious he’s been in the past. The match here wasn’t great but these two are incapable of having an actual bad match against each other.

Langston hits the Big Ending on Kofi post match.

We recap Fandango and Jericho’s interaction from Raw.

We get the CM Punk promo about Undertaker from Raw.

Orton again has to tell Sheamus and Big Show to stop fighting.

We look at Ricardo having his ankle broken again.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Jericho

After a break, Colter talks about Ricardo’s injury from Raw and how that should be a warning to anyone who disagrees with what they say. This would include Jericho who interrupts Swagger as he repeats his catchphrase. Feeling out process to start with Jericho knocking Swagger out to the floor. Colter calms down an angry Swagger but Jericho comes to the floor and rams Jack’s back into the barricade. Back in and Swagger takes out Chris’ leg to take over for the first time.

Jericho comes back with a kick to the chest for two but the Codebreaker is countered as Jericho is rammed into the corner. Swagger loads up a superplex, only to be shoved off the top and hit with a cross body for two. With Jack rolling to the floor, Jericho hits a sweet plancha to take Swagger out as we take a break.

Back with Swagger hitting a clothesline for two and pounding on the back for good measure. Jericho is sent shoulder first into the buckle but Swagger misses a charge, allowing Jericho to speed it up a little. A top rope fist to Swaggers face puts him down and Jericho pounds away in the corner as the fans chant his name. Jericho’s hurricanrana is countered into the Patriot Lock but Jericho sends Swagger out to the floor.

There’s the springboard dropkick to send Jack to the floor….and here’s Fandango with his full entrance. The distraction allows Swagger to hit a powerslam for two. A side roll gets the same for Jericho but when he can’t hook the Walls he instead catapults Swagger into the ropes. Jericho loads up the Lionsault but Fandango trips him up, allowing Swagger to hit the Vader Bomb for the pin at 9:04 shown of 12:34.

Rating: C. This wasn’t as good as last week’s and again I don’t like the idea of a guy who might be world champion in three weeks needing Fandango’s help to beat someone. This sets up Jericho vs. Fandango at Wrestlemania for reasons that I don’t comprehend. That’s quite a way to push someone new though.

Post match Fandango beats up Jericho and shouts WHAT IS MY NAME. A guillotine legdrop leaves Jericho laying so Fandango pronounces his name again for good measure.

Big Show says his partners can trust him. Trust him, that’s true.

We get the Rock vs. Cena video from Raw.

Here are the Rhodes Scholars along with the Bellas. The guys say the girls are beautiful and that’s about it.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Brodus Clay/Tensai

Tensai is in a coonskin cap for no apparent reason. Rhodes and Tensai start things off before it’s quickly off to Brodus who runs over every Scholar in sight. The girls get in a fight on the floor and the match is thrown out at 1:10.

Sheamus says Big Show can trust himself and Orton.

The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Barrett is on commentary and this is non-title. A quick rollup gets two for Miz but he charges into a knee to the face. Cesaro kicks him in the back and face for two each. The gutwrench suplex gets another near fall and it’s off to the cravate. Miz fires back with a knee lift and a big boot, followed by the running corner clothesline and the top rope ax handle.

The Figure Four is countered once but after a chop block Miz takes out the knee and gets the submission in 2:13. Yes, the United States Champion just tapped out 100% clean in less than two and a half minutes in a match to set up an Intercontinental match. Let that sink in for a minute.

Post match Miz calls out Barrett and says he’s only champion for now.

We recap the contract signing and announcement of the stipulations for Lesnar vs. HHH from Raw.

Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show vs. 3MB

Yes, all night long the super team has been worried about not being able to work together against 3MB, the team that I believe at least two of them have individually beaten before. Orton and Mahal get things going with Randy pounding away in the corner. Off to Sheamus as apparently Big Show isn’t official yet. Mahal gets in some right hands but Sheamus easily pounds him down and hits the Regal Roll.

Off to Big Show vs. McIntyre with Show hitting ten chops on the ropes ala Sheamus’ forearms. Back to Mahal and then Slater with both guys being tossed into the ring. With Slater laid out on the mat it’s back to Orton for the powerslam but Slater breaks up the Elevated DDT. Slater gets in a cheap shot and stomps away before it’s off to McIntyre for a neckbreaker. Back to Heath who goes up, only to jump into a dropkick by Randy. The tag brings in Show who cleans house and knocks out McIntyre, only to have Sheamus tag himself in and Brogue Kick Mahal for the pin at 5:53.

Rating: D. Again, we’ve seen at least Sheamus beat all three of these guys on his own, so what exactly was this supposed to prove? It’s like saying you need to be able to work together to crush a group of ants. I get the idea of working together but they didn’t even need to. Did we really need to sit through two hours to get to this?

Sheamus and Big Show are about to fight again but here’s Shield. Before they get here though Sheamus and Big Show get in a fight and shove Orton away. Actually never mind as they stop fighting once Shield is at ringside. Scratch that again as Shield is already bailing without ever getting in the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world did I just wasted two hours on? The world champion isn’t here and we’re 16 days until Wrestlemania? Alberto is so angry about what happened on Monday that he let Swagger get by for free here. We can’t even get an interview from him? Seriously? On top of that we have the United States Champion playing a role that Heath Slater could have played just as well. This show was a waste of time and thank goodness I didn’t waste my time to go and see it. Terrible show.

Results

Mark Henry b. Zack Ryder – World’s Strongest Slam

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Jack Swagger b. Chris Jericho – Vader Bomb

Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. Rhodes Scholars went to a no contest

The Miz b. Antonio Cesaro – Figure Four Leg Lock

Big Show/Randy Orton/Sheamus b. 3MB – Brogue Kick to Mahal

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I was watching the older Wrestlemanias a few weeks ago and Gorilla brought up something interesting.You would hear Gorilla talking about some wrestler and say that if they hit whatever their signature move was, the match would be over.  This got me to thinking: are they any moves that are a guaranteed victory anymore?  Back in the day, when someone kicked out of a big time finisher, it was a world changing event.  Today if it doesn’t happen three times in a match the match is considered subpar.  At that point, a move isn’t a finisher anymore.  It’s a move you happen to do in a match.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 18, 2013
Location: CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re another week closer to Wrestlemania and the main story tonight is that HHH is going to answer Brock Lesnar’s challenge for Wrestlemania and we’ll likely hear the stipulations that Lesnar has picked for the match. We’ll also likely get some changes to the six man tag that was set up on Smackdown due to Mark Henry attacking Ryback on Friday. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual recap of last week’s events.

Here’s Cena in a bright yellow shirt that makes him look like a bowl of corn. The fans are mixed on booing and cheering of course so Cena says that they have 20 days to pick a side. He has a message for Rock tonight though: his time is up and Cena’s time is now. Since the beginning of this year Cena has been on a roll and he isn’t going to let himself be overconfident going into Wrestlemania. Cena is interrupted by…..the Primetime Players.

Titus however is in coveralls and a big afro wig, calling himself Rufus “Pancake” Patterson and claiming to be Titus’ uncle. Cena says that Pittsburgh has some great doctors that can fix Titus’ multiple personalities. The Players do the Millions of Dollars dance with “Rufus” hurting his back because his gout is flaring up. Cena says he might see them at Wrestlemania but Titus says the fans don’t want to see him at Wrestlemania. Apparently Rufus is Darren’s uncle, not Titus’. He says that Darren should be on the Cocoa Pebbles box and is going to beat Cena up to prove it. Cena says ok and the match is on.

Darren Young vs. John Cena

Cena bulldogs Young down and tries the STF but Darren bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena hitting his shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb to set up the Shuffle and the AA for the pin at 4:16, about 3:30 of which was spent in a commercial.

Undertaker is here tonight.

We recap Mark Henry allowing Ryback to be attacked by Shield and then laying him out with World’s Strongest Slams.

Ryback vs. David Otunga

Otunga is powered into the corner to start and there’s a spinning powerslam for good measure. A spinebuster puts Otunga down and there’s the Meat Hook. Otunga is Shell Shocked for the pin at 1:37.

Post match Ryback says Orton, Sheamus and himself will be taking out the Shield at Wrestlemania. Here’s Mark Henry though, only to have Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero to stop him. Vickie takes Ryback out of the six man and puts him in a match against Henry at Wrestlemania instead. Ryback responds by picking Otunga up for the Shell Shock and saying this is Henry. Apparently the match is accepted.

Fandango debuts tonight. I’m sure.

Fandango vs. Great Khali

Fandango has a big arch of banners to walk through now and actually makes it to the ring. He also has an outline of his silhouette make of what looks like birthday candles. Ok he had a cool entrance. This is a result of Khali not being able to pronounce Fandango’s name on Smackdown. Before the match, Fandango calls Khali Stretch and says Khali is to stupid to pronounce Fandango correctly. Instead Natalya will get to try, after Fandango hits on her a bit. Natalya seems impressed by the dancer but pronounces the name as “Fan-DANG-Go-get-him-Khali”. Fandango runs away and there’ still no match.

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow

Truth is returning from an injury here. Sandow quotes Thoreau who once said he wanted truth. Apparently the R here stands for repugnant. Truth says “Your beard is weird, and you talk a lot. I got four sweet words for you: you gonna get got.” Apparently Sandow is a Kentucky Colonel (a title given to people who do good work for Kentucky). Ok then. Truth gets two off a sunset flip but Sandow stomps Truth down and tells us we’re welcome.

Off to a chinlock by Damien as Cole and Lawler get into a bizarre political tangent after saying Sandow’s family advises President Obama. Sandow hits the Wind-Up Elbow as Cole says Latin has been en vogue this week because of a new Pope. Truth comes back with a flying headscissors and a kick to the chin for two. Lawler actually makes a Manti Te’o joke because WWE’s writers are that far behind the times. Truth hits his ax kick and Sandow walks out for the countout at 3:41.

Rating: D. The match itself was nothing of note but I’m hardly a fan of R-Truth. The interesting part of this match though was the commentary, which was BIZARRE. We had jokes that were topical six weeks ago, references to Latin being en vogue, and discussion of honorary titles in Kentucky. It didn’t help the match though.

We recap Punk stealing Undertaker’s urn last week during the tribute to Paul Bearer.

Here’s Undertaker to say that Punk has one chance to save his soul and that’s if he gives the urn back right now. Punk pops up on screen and pretends to be the urn talking in Bearer’s voice. Punk says Bearer’s loss was a professional and personal one as well. Apparently Bearer’s spirit is in the urn. Punk implies he’ll get Undertaker disqualified or counted out to break the Streak.

Punk is juggling the urn as he talks about Undertaker answering to a higher power, but Punk doesn’t do so because he IS the higher power. He talks about being able to break the Streak because he can handle the pressure. Punk looks at the urn and says he’s the one that ends the Streak. He’s the one in 21 and he drops the urn. No disrespect intended by Punk of course. This felt like it ended abruptly.

HELL NO vs. Primo/Epico

Non-title as always. Kane pounds on Epico to start and he’s ticked off here. Off to Bryan with Epico on the floor but Primo jumps Daniel to take over. A SWEET spinning sunset flip off the top takes Bryan down but he rolls through and kicks Primo in the face for two. Off to Epico who is caught in an armbar almost immediately. Primo distracts Bryan to let Epico take over again. The cousins take turns on Bryan in the corner with Epico getting two off a slingshot hilo.

Off to a bow and arrow hold by Epico before Primo takes over with a shot to Bryan’s back and a chinlock. Bryan sends Primo down to the match by rolling through and it’s off to Kane to clean house. A side slam puts Primo down and there’s the top rope clothesline to put Primo down. Kane loads up the chokeslam but here’s AJ to skip around the ring. Primo tries a rollup but can only get two. Bryan dropkicks Primo and the chokeslam ends Epico at 6:08.

Rating: D+. This just kept going and going and felt like it would never end. I get where they’re going with AJ being out there but it would help if she actually, you know, did something here instead of just delaying this match even further. Nothing to see here for the most part and the match didn’t do anything for anyone.

Jericho is in the back talking about how he’s going to win the title tonight when Fandango comes up to say his name over and over again. Jericho pronounces it as Fandumbo and Fanjango and a few other things like Fan-Wango-Tango and Fan-B-I-N-G-O-and Bingo was his name-o-O. Fandango says Jericho will learn to pronounce the name properly. Jericho says he wants his movie tickets before Fandango leaves.

We hear about Alicia Fox and Natalya going to Rwanda on a charity/goodwill trip regarding malaria nets.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes

Del Rio has a remixed entrance theme now. We get a clip of Del Rio’s left knee being hit by Swagger on Main Event. That would of course explain why his right knee is bandaged. A quick rollup gets two for Del Rio but Cody takes him down into a headscissors on the mat. Back up and Del Rio misses a charge into the post, messing up his shoulder. By WWE logic, I guess that means he’ll be holding his nose now. Del Rio comes back with a snapmare and a kick to Cody’s leg to send him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cody stomping away in the corner but getting slammed down a few seconds later. Del Rio tries his middle rope moonsault but tweaks the knee on the way down. Cody works on the left leg now to make it a matched set before going for a superplex, only to have the champion counter into a front suplex off the top for two. Del Rio fires off some clotheslines and the low superkick for two. Cody pops up and hits a moonsault press for two as a USA chant breaks out. Del Rio fires off some shots the back and gets two off a backstabber. The cross armbreaker ends this at 12:39.

Rating: C. The match was a nice little affair with Cody getting to show off the insane potential he had about a year and a half ago before being sent down into tag team limbo for the last eighteen months. The match was nothing great but it was good enough to do what it was supposed to: make Del Rio look good.

Post match here’s Jack Swagger to beat on Del Rio but Alberto sends him into the barricade. Alberto goes after Colter but Swagger comes back and sends Del Rio into the steps and over the announce table. Swagger beats up Ricardo and puts him in the Patriot Lock for good measure. Ricardo screams a lot so maybe his ankle was broken.

Booker T is announced for the Hall of Fame.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. 3MB

Apparently Ricardo does have a broken ankle. It’s McIntyre and Slater here with Drew pounding away on Sheamus to start before it’s quickly off to Orton for some right hands. There are the ten forearms to the chest by Sheamus for two but a Mahal distraction lets Drew clothesline Sheamus down to take over. Sheamus comes back a few seconds later with an ax handle before it’s back to Orton. There are the powerslam and the Elevated DDT to Slater. A Brogue Kick puts McIntyre down and it’s the RKO to Slater for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here which did what it was supposed to do: give Sheamus and Orton a reason to be out there for the post match invasion by Shield. Seriously, that’s it. That’s why this match is happening. There’s nothing else to say about it but I’m going to keep typing to fill in more space in this area as Shield is surrounding the ring.

Shield comes out but so does Big Show to even the odds, sending the justice guys running away. Big Show points at the sign and I believe we’ve got a six man tag.

We get a trailer for G.I. Joe II.

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

During the entrances we see Ziggler and Langston beating up HELL NO on Smackdown. Kofi starts with a quick armbar and some nice armdrags into another armbar. Back up and Kofi does his double leapfrogs into the back elbow for two. Dolph dropkicks Kingston down for two before hooking his headstand chinlock.

Kingston escapes and fires off some dropkicks of his own before hitting a spinning springboard frog splash for two. Trouble in Paradise is caught in a reverse slam but Kingston escapes and goes to the apron. Kingston runs the apron and dives at Dolph but gets knocked out of the air by Langston. Back in the ring the Zig Zag ends Kofi at 4:38.

Rating: C-. This was the short version of Dolph vs. Kofi who can do this match in their sleep by this point. Again, this was there to set up the post match stuff which is a rather old school mentality to booking. It doesn’t mean it’s terrible, but it’s always tedious to me to sit through a match just to get to the stuff that actually matters.

Post match here’s HELL NO to challenge Langston and Ziggler for a match at Wrestlemania. AJ accepts for her guys if the titles are on the line. Bryan is cool with that and it’s YES chant time.

We recap the Punk/Taker stuff from earlier.

Long video on Rock vs. Cena II which is about redemption vs. greatness again.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho

Barrett is challenging here and goes after Jericho to start. Make that Miz actually but Jericho jumps Barrett and gets two off a clothesline. Miz is knocked to the floor and is quickly followed by Barrett, allowing the Canadian to dive on both of them. The fans chant for Jericho as he hits a dropkick for two on Wade back inside.

Miz pulls Jericho to the floor and gets two off a sunset flip on Barrett. The running corner clothesline staggers Wade again but he comes back by putting Miz on the top rope and hitting a knee to the ribs. The champion loads up a superplex but Jericho comes in to make it a Tower of Doom to put all three guys down as we take a break. Back with Barrett hitting a knee to Jericho’s ribs for two as Miz is down on the floor.

The champion puts on a chinlock for a few seconds before Jericho fights up and gets two off a top rope cross body. Miz breaks up the Lionsault though and hits his top rope ax handle to stagger Wade but he walks into the Winds of Change for two. Wasteland is escaped and Miz takes out Barrett’s leg. There’s the Figure Four but Jericho hits the Lionsault on Miz for a close two.

Barrett is put in the Walls but Miz comes back in, only to not be able to hook the Finale. Both guys backdrops Barrett to the floor and Jericho gets a VERY close two on Miz with a rollup. The Codebreaker puts Miz down but Chris can’t cover. Instead Barrett comes in and shoves Jericho out before covering Miz for two more. Jericho throws Barrett into the barricade and gets two on Miz. A quick DDT gets another near fall for Miz as does a big boot after Miz throws a charging Barrett back to the floor. Jericho grabs a fast rollup for two but jumps into the Finale, only to have Wade roll up Miz for the pin to retain at 12:20.

Rating: B-. This started slow but the stuff after the commercial was WAY better with a bunch of close near falls and false finishes. It doesn’t do anything for the title because we might get a quick match at Mania for it but then after that it sinks back into the nothingness that it’s been in for years.

We look at the premiere party for The Call.

Since this show isn’t long enough already, here are Touts from the fans about what fans think the stipulations for Lesnar vs. HHH should be.

Here’s HHH to sign the contract with Lesnar. Before anything happens, here’s Heyman with security around him. HHH is surprised Lesnar isn’t here, but Heyman loves the idea of backing HHH into a corner. HHH can either sign the contract stips unknown or disappoint all the fans. Heyman thinks this frustrates HHH so HHH makes fun of Heyman’s security. Lesnar has already signed the contract and HHH is ready to sign, but Heyman says not so fast.

First we need to see Vince getting attacked by Lesnar a few weeks back. Heyman then suggests HHH is blindfolded, but that’s not good enough. Then he and Lesnar thought of HHH having his hands and ankles shackled, but that would give HHH too many excuses. Apparently Heyman got to pick the stipulations and suggested that the winner gets Stephanie. Oh wait how about the loser gets Stephanie?

That does it and HHH destroys him but has to beat up security as well. HHH puts Heyman on the table and rips his shirt open to slap his chest while Heyman screams for Brock. HHH slaps Heyman a few more times and chokes him until HHH signs the contract. Heyman is sent to the floor and has a chair thrown at him as HHH says go get the monster.

Cue Lesnar with a chair. Shouldn’t he have been here like three minutes ago when Heyman was getting destroyed? HHH pulls a sledgehammer out from under the table so Heyman holds Lesnar back, saying Brock won this round. The stipulation is…..no holds barred. Well that’s kind of a letdown. Oh wait it’s no holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. That’s still a letdown.

Overall Rating: C+. This show didn’t fall off a cliff like last week’s did, but that’s because it never climbed any mountain in the first place. While the ending segment was solid, this show was just mediocre for the most part and I honestly barely remember most of it. That’s the problem for most of this Wrestlemania build: it’s just kind of there. The show will be good I’m sure, but the show feels like a throwaway edition and nothing more. Nothing to see here although the triple threat was pretty good.

Results

John Cena b. Darren Young – Attitude Adjustment

Ryback b. David Otunga – Shell Shock

R-Truth b. Damien Sandow via countout

HELL NO b. Primo/Epico – Chokeslam to Epico

Alberto Del Rio b. Cody Rhodes – Cross Armbreaker

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Wade Barrett b. The Miz and Chris Jericho – Rollup to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Uh…..cool I guess.  He’s got the titles and all that jazz but I’m really not sure I’d call him a hall of famer.

Tonight on Raw, we saw a clip of Swagger attacking Del Rio’s left knee.  Then for Del Rio’s matchhis right knee was taped, because WWE can’t remember left and right.

Saturday Night’s Main Event 32
Date: March 18, 2006
Location: Cobo Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

And the show is back. What used to be the biggest show of the weekend when it was on is now back! And no one cares at all. It got hype but no one watched. There’s even a main event tonight: Shawn vs. Shane. Yeah I don’t care either. It’s a build for Mania and that’s all there is to it. Let’s get this over with.

The McMahons say they’re ready for Shawn.

Shawn is ready for Shane and says a few bad words.

HHH says he’s ready for Cena at Mania. They’re using the old style of interviews to open the show which is smart. Cena, HHH’s partner tonight, runs in to make fun of it.

JBL imitates My Name is Earl. He has a drinking contest with Austin tonight.

Boogeyman acts creepy.

HHH/John Cena vs. Randy Orton/Rey Mysterio/Kurt Angle

This is Raw’s main event vs. Smackdown’s main event. That’s not terrible but there’s no realistic way that Smackdown can lose. Cena gets some hearty boos for his troubles. The remix of Rey’s music SUCKS. Cena and Orton start us off. Feel the shock! There’s a ton of smoke in the arena which makes it kind of hard to see. HHH and Angle is a big match that I would have liked to see get more time.

More or less this is just a way to get each combination of all five guys including arguing between each other. The crowd boos the heck out of Rey vs. Cena which is kind of odd. HHH and Cena argue their way into a commercial. HHH and Mysterio fight WAY too long for a multi-man match. Cena makes the Superman run and the fans openly boo.

As he goes off, naturally HHH Pedigrees him. He does the same to Rey though just to be fair. And Orton takes out Angle. No one seems to care about any of this mind you. We’re left with Cena and Orton and Cena rolls him up for the pin. That was the definition of a mess at the end there.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t interesting at all in practicality but to be fair the concept was kind of decent. Seriously though, they beat three world champions without a ton of issues and HHH leaving. How in the world does that even begin to make sense? Oh yeah it’s Cena in 2006.

We talk about the Hall of Fame inductions and list everyone off. It’s Hart and Guerrero as the headliners even though Guerrero doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame but he died so he’s automatically great I guess.

Teddy Long checks on Booker who says he’s injured. He’s faking and doesn’t want to fight Boogeyman. I can’t blame him. I’d rather hear Sharmell shout instead. On second thought give me the worm guy.

We come back for the Cutting Edge with Foley as the guest. This was leading up to the big hardcore match that made Edge seem more legit at Mania. He of course calls Foley a coward because that worked so well in the past. Foley shows up with tacks and winds up in them. He smiles and Edge panics. It ends with Edge getting a conchairto and Foley being happy. Not bad at all and it sets up the match even more which is all I can ask for in the end I guess.

Booker was faking. Boogey is hanging upside down in his locker room and Booker runs away screaming. Now tell me what’s wrong with this. You got it. Booker is wearing the wrong colored socks. Always gray Booker. Remember that.

It’s time for the beer drinking contest between JBL and Austin.  Something tells me I know how this is going to end. JBL dances for awhile. There is a TON of beer set up in the ring. Apparently Taker is going to get called out by Mark Henry. Good to know I suppose. He runs down Detroit sports and says that they couldn’t win an inter squad game. Don’t you always lose those technically? He runs down the whole city and it’s a bit stupid indeed.

He talks about Benoit and their match at Mania and he needs to just shut up already. Finally the glass shatters and we’re ready to go. There’s actually a story here as Austin gave his list of best wrestlers from Texas and left JBL off. So they’re having a beer drinking contest. That’s completely pointless but they’re trying I guess. Austin is so smooth on the mic that it’s scary. Thankfully they point out the Texas thing. JBL says that if he didn’t have a broken hand he’s stomp a mud hole in Austin. He stomps with his hand. That’s rather stupid.

Apparently Austin has been practicing his drinking: 24 cans and 15 pitchers. Wouldn’t that like, kill him or something? It would have to bust his stomach or something. Both guys have 25 beers (Canadian apparently) and it’s the most they can drink in a minute. JBL thinks they should stand back to back and Austin doesn’t want to and JBL turns it into a Brokeback Mountain joke of all things. Austin is just destroying him here on the mic.

JBL is cheating by going early and then pouring it down his tie. Austin’s reaction is great but he gets beer thrown on him. That’s just dumb man. Benoit throws JBL back in and Austin…ok if you don’t know what he does, you have no business reading this review.

After a commercial, we’re ready for this.

Victoria/Candice Michelle vs. Mickie James/Trish Stratus

Mickie was a lesbian stalker that was hot as could be back then, including a kiss and a shower issue. Candice is on the cover of Playboy at this point also. And it’s a two and a half minute match. It’s all Trish, literally. I think the point is that they won’t let Mickie in. And Trish wins on her own anyway, only to get smacked by the hot crazy lady.

Rating: N/A. The girls looked amazing if nothing else.

Henry calls out Taker. The Druids bring out a casket and Taker beats up Henry and Daivari. Their Mania match made Henry look bad. Think about that for a minute.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

This is a street fight since Shane is in it. Oh I forgot to mention how amazing Lillian looks with her hair pulled back. Lillian looks amazing with her hair pulled back. Glad I got that done. We start in the aisle and Shawn is on fire. The fans want tables. Oh joy indeed. ECW is on at the moment so that makes sense I guess. Shane sends Shawn into the post to bring us to even. Vince is at ringside also.

And we have a ladder two minutes in. Well at least they’re not wasting any time with it. And Shane gets suplexed from the top of the ladder through two tables and everyone is out cold. We’re 4 minutes in mind you and it’s commercial time. Back from the break and Shawn is dominating. He goes up a ladder and Vince gets the two worst cane shots I have EVER seen. They barely made any noise!

More or less it’s a handicap match here. I was at the handicap match these guys had at Backlash and it was pretty bad. Could Ross be any more ridiculous about his insulting of Vince? It’s always freaking stupid. He has no soul and no god apparently. Yeah that’s not too far at all. More or less it’s all Shane at this point. Screw the more or less part actually. The Coast to Coast misses and Vince takes it in the face.

Never mind that it wouldn’t hurt very much at all the way they did it but whatever. Shawn makes his comeback and hits the chin music but the referee is pulled out by Vince. And then, and I can’t believe I’m typing this, Shawn is put in the Sharpshooter and Vince says to ring the bell. That’s how it ends. Yep, that’s really it.

Rating: C+. There were some good bumps but the ending made me shake my head very hard. They’re referencing it 9 years later, even though they used it a few months ago too. Anyway, other than that this was pretty good I guess but nothing masterful. Shawn can bump as well as anyone in the world and that helped a lot, but the ending was just idiotic.

Overall Rating: C+. There was one good match here and two good segments. Other than that there wasn’t much to talk about. The show tanked beyond belief so after this they more or less stopped trying to make this a big deal at all and that was likely the best thing they could have done. Not a great show, but far better than some of the others they would come out with in the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews